#a whole ass human being raised by a family of mice/rats

[mis3rabl3m3lody]

Last night I had a dream where Charlie Yuurivoice was animated into an early 2000s chuck e cheese's commerical to replace chuck e himself.... and I'm just like. What if that's what the 2010 reboot was??? Replacing the 5 foot rat with a five foot white boy of almost the same name,,, that would be very funny actually. Imagine how many fans of the previous generations that would piss off, seeing their beloved pizza mascot turned into this anime pretty boy stoner whom everyone calls a rat by proxy. The generational impact this would have.... it's just too good.

[visceraah]

Day 1- Baking

Watching Janus make a beeline for the fridge, pull it open and, after a moment of contemplation, reach straight past the leftovers carefully placed at eye level for a bottle of wine, Patton couldn’t help blurting- “What do you eat?”

Janus unscrewed the bottle smoothly, tilting a glass and pouring himself a drink without so much as looking up at Patton.

“Mice.”

Patton squeaked in horror before he noticed the other sides’ smirk, quickly remembering who he was talking to, and huffed. “I just meant- you never eat with us. Or take the leftovers I leave out.”

“Those are for me?” Janus’ eyebrows rose at Patton's nod, and he murmured a quiet “huh”, expression unreadable.

“Just- you don’t just drink that, do you?” Patton asked quickly, nodding at the bottle, and Janus barked out a surprised laugh.

“Yes. I preach self care by day then binge-drink all night, every night, without even a morsel of food to soak it up.”

AO3 @moceit-appreciation-week

Patton liked to make an effort to look after his kiddos, from placing post-its with a smiley face and reminder to have a FANtastic day (because he was their biggest fan!), to making sure they all ate at least one meal every day. It might not technically have been needed to ‘sustain’ them, as Logan never hesitated to remind him, but he thought a nice warm batch of cookies sustained the soul, so there.

And he liked the chewing motion.

Janus had never attended their famILY dinners, even after he was accepted, which Patton had to admit stung a little. He’d invited him every day at first, trying all sorts of dishes to entice the reptilian side, but nothing had worked. Patton couldn’t exactly use his normal approach, bring up a spare plate and knock gently on his door to make sure everything was alright. He wasn't really sure where they stood, but Janus definitely wasn’t one of his kiddos, and he was determined to respect his privacy.

Still, he was worried. And watching Janus make a beeline for the fridge, pull it open and, after a moment of contemplation, reach straight past the leftovers carefully placed at eye level for a bottle of wine, he couldn’t help blurting, “What do you eat?”

Janus unscrewed the bottle smoothly, tilting a glass and pouring himself a drink without so much as looking up at Patton.

“Mice.”

Patton squeaked in horror before he noticed the other sides’ smirk, quickly remembering who he was talking to, and huffed. “I just meant- you never eat with us. Or take the leftovers I leave out.”

“Those are for me?” Janus’ eyebrows rose at Patton's nod, and he murmured a quiet “huh”, expression unreadable.

“Just- you don’t just drink that, do you?” Patton asked quickly, nodding at the bottle, and Janus barked out a surprised laugh.

“Yes. I preach self care by day then binge-drink all night, every night, without even a morsel of food to soak it up.”

“I didn’t mean that!” Patton defended quickly, frowning. Gosh, how to words. “I’m just… Worried.”

“Worried?” Janus echoed in disbelief, and Patton felt a pang in his chest he’d ever doubt that, knowing it was his fault.

“Of course I am! You haven’t eaten anything, and I don’t care what Logan says, that’s gotta feel bad!”

Janus blinked, looking taken aback at the outburst. “Who says I haven’t been eating?”

“I just assumed- oh, oops. Guess I made an ass out of you and me… Mostly me.” Patton felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as Janus choked mid-sip, and he looked up in surprise.

“Nothing, nothing. I just was definitely expecting you to swear like that.” He explained, after taking a moment to compose himself.

“Nuh-uh! It means donkey.” Patton chided, crossing his arms playfully. “Honestly.”

Janus rolled his eyes good-naturedly, taking another sip of wine. “How silly of me to assume any other meaning.”

Patton almost frowned at the emphasis before he realised, and started to giggle.

“That was a pun!”

“No it wasn’t.” Janus replied instantly, leaning back against the counter with a much more subtle smile.

“I-” Janus’ confidence faltered for a second and Patton’s laughter faded to silence, watching the other sides’ expression return to a familiar, carefully constructed mask of apathy. “It wasn’t at all rude of me to not offer you a glass, too. Would you like..?”

“Oh! I really shouldn’t.” Patton replied instinctively, and when faced with Janus’ imploring eyebrow raise, tacked on, “I have to make dinner.”

“Surely you aren’t such a lightweight you can’t have one glass?” Janus teased, and Patton pouted defensively. “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to drink, and not being used to it isn’t a bad thi… Oh, whatever.” He grabbed a glass.

-

They had more than one glass. Janus had shifted back from leaning on a cabinet to perching on it, looking unfairly elegant even as his words became deliberate and slow, expression rarely unguarded. Patton- who at some point had slid down against the counter much less gracefully, and was sitting on the floor- took the opportunity to study him. He knew they were all meant to have the same face, but there was something about him- other than the scales- that felt… Invigorating. That persuaded him to drink almost half a bottle of wine when he was meant to be making-

“Dinner!” He yelled, standing up so quickly he stumbled forwards, head spinning. Janus was uncoordinated as he reached for him and missed on the first grab, but he managed to put a hand on each of Patton's shoulders to steady him.

“Yesssss,” He drew out the ‘s’ in a snakelike hiss that made Patton giggle, “You can absolutely be trusted with knives and hot pans, right now.”

“... Oh.” Janus had a point. Patton frowned, eyebrows furrowing in thought before his whole face lit up again. “Cakes don’t need knives or pans!”

“Yes they do.” Janus replied in confusion, and it took a second to realise he was still lying before Patton was giggling again, shaking his head.

“So we can make a cake.”

“Oh, great ide- wait, ‘we’?”

“Yep! You look like you’d be good with the weighing scales.” He booped the snake-covered cheek to emphasise his very funny and original pun. To his delight, red blossomed across the human half of the face, and he gave another scale a boop.

“... Are you done?” Janus’ voice came out strangled, and Pattons attention was redirected to his lips as they moved. Even gentler, he brushed a thumb against them and heard Janus’ breath hitch.

Just like that he realised what he was doing- and where he was doing it, a leg on either side of him. Patton pulled back quickly, trying to back up when he felt Janus’ grip on his shoulders tighten and he stilled. He looked up slowly to search the other sides’ expression for shock, betrayal, hurt- but all he could see was that smirk, and the apology died on his lips as Janus leaned in to kiss him. He smelt the wine on his breath before he tasted it, and Patton felt intoxicated in a whole different way. Before he knew it, Janus’ arms had moved from his shoulders to his neck, legs wrapping around his waist to pull them together. Patton, equally enthusiastic, gently threaded a hand in Janus’ hair. The whimper he got in response made him a little lightheaded.

“Ja-anieeee, aren’t you hungry- oh. Ooh!” A delighted cackle behind them had Janus pulling back and sliding to the floor, face bright red.

“Remus.”

“Hungry…” Patton repeated under his breath, confused and a little disappointed before he blinked. “Cake!”

“Looks like you were getting plenty.” Remus taunted, and Patton squinted as he tried to figure it out. Apparently he wasn’t meant to, though, as Janus hissed out “Ssssstop.”

“Oh, fine. Seems like you were more thirsty than hungry, though~”

“Oh god.” Janus covered his face with his hands, and that one Patton got. He felt his face heating up too.

“Taking it you have a meal for you right here, then?” Remus drawled in a tone Patton wished he didn’t understand, although as the actual words set in he glanced between them. “Meal?”

“I mean-”

“Not that.” Patton quickly cut Remus off, face feeling like it was on fire. “You eat together?”

“More like eat out togethe-” A glare from Janus silenced Remus mid-sentence and he whined. “Alright, eat.”

“It’s not like he’s my best friend or we have years of routine, or anything.” Janus supplied, suddenly defensive.

“Oh.” That didn’t seem to be the right answer, and he scrambled as Janus’ glare turned on him. “I mean- that’s okay! Can… Can I join you?”

Janus and Remus exchanged a look. Janus quirked an eyebrow, Remus blinked. Janus raised it further and Remus stuck his tongue out.

Janus sighed. “No rat poison.”

“A little rat poison-”

“No.”

Remus pouted. “Fine.”

Patton's kiddos would be okay with leftovers for one night, but for now- however scared of rat poison he was- there was another family unit he wanted to get to know.