#a week-long nap would do

[seaofreverie]

Anyway how is everyone doing

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.

[shatterthefragments]

I made myself eggs :) and a London fog with my apple pie honey as the sweetener :) (still trying to get it right bc I prefer the ones I get at cafes still)

(It’s nice to at least on one of my days off have like. A slow start to my morning, using the good milk frother if I can bc I’ll presumably have time to wash it. And have like a breakfast outside if possible :) which I am just sitting on the steps outside.) (ive simply made my peace. Perhaps im weird. But I am free. And it’s not a crime to eat outside. It’s nice) (like. People in the semi hedged in sometimes gated communities often have table and chair sets to eat on their front porch. If I’m on the steps or a step stool or the stone tiles or the ground it’s still all good) (we do not have space to both have the path to the front door and a table set. Not would we buy one. But I got a free 6’ folding table that I intended to use a lot more but sadly there’s usually a car in the carport where I’d set it up. Outdoor covered spaces my BELOVED!)

Eh. Whatever. I’ll just do what I feel like and what I’m up to. (A bit sad I’m not going on an impulse trip to get another tattoo tomorrow but ah well. I haven’t messaged the artist and I need to pay for school anyway :P) (…unless my friend IS free at a time that works that I could go get the tattoo anyway… 👀 but no. Unless. Anyway)

[ef-1]

legs & lessons in perseverance | march '23

[magentagalaxies]

going to a comedy open mic tomorrow mostly to watch my friends (it's at a cool venue that my improv troupe performs at once a month and a few improv troupe friends are doing standup there) but when these friends were asking if i'd be interested in coming they were like "btw there's usually a ton of open spots on show days if YOU want to do something... and they're not strict about it only being standup either, people have done character pieces and sketches etc like they embrace the weirdness... and they're not strict about time limits you could probably do anything between three and eight minutes... sometimes if there's not enough people signed up they'll even let you go twice..." and i'm like god damn it i thought i was gonna take a break from aubrey but this setup is like tailor made for an aubrey appearance lmao

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Wait if Meteors Roxy always races Cassie's school bus and when she's sick a bunch of kids give get well soon stuff to Cassie which leads to a penpals situation... Oh my god Roxy's first ever birthday could be way bigger than the Plex animatronics, anyone else who's been Meteor'd at the point, Eddie and Cassie. Roxy could have her birthday on the grassy riverbank with like ten kids from Cassie's school she's never actually met in person before lmao

Like she spends her day at the Plex with Eddie, they play games, hang out, and stuff. Then she chases the bus to meet up with Cassie and gets happy birthday sang to her by the bus of kids. She and Cassie go back to the Plex, hang out and spend more time there before heading back to the flat and setting up a party table at the nearby riverbank. They play games and run around for a few hours before the cake (the second one because the Plex animatronics were INSISTENT on this so she has several little ones she's gonna be eating for the next week lmao) and eventually, the clean up. Once back at the flat, Roxy is acting like she's not running out of steam and is still jumping around playing with Cassie with her favourite takeaway food delivered for supper. They have a smaller celebration with a dessert pizza they stuck a candle in and they play board games for another few hours in matching onesies before Roxy finally falls asleep in the middle of them watching a movie.

Roxy can have three birthdays in one now! An animatronic birthday, a kid's birthday, and a quiet family birthday! First birthday has to be big right? Is it a lot? Yes. Roxy is fucking dead on her feet but fighting sleep through the boardgames until Eddie notices and switches them to a movie night lmao. But fucking hell she had fun! Best day of her life in fact! Her tail is actually hurting it's been wagging so much all day she's living the high life!

[nostalgia-tblr]

in writing news i am likely to miss the sifki week deadline as the week has already started, and i am also behind on updating the adultery AU so i have managed to create for myself a paralysis of "i should write this thing... no i should write this other thing... but i need to write this thing first... or do i?" where I am writing nothing because I don't know which i should be doing.

[bunnyb34r]

Welp I went to take a nap at 2pm and just got up now 😅

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 4, day 27, decided to give Knell a Rheddig mask to see how it looks and, uh, as it turns out, I made her head too tall XD I also need to get more references for the mask, because I think I didn't a few details quite right. Namely the shape and curve of the beak and the eye motifs. But that's okay! This is a learning process, and the mask is in its own group so I can hide the whole thing without losing it lol

[lesbianlenas]

at peace abt having my externship tomorrow bc i already know i have to do smth for 4 hrs that does not involve using my brain & that is a beautiful thing for me truly so i am like ok whatever only 4 hrs of making my brain whir like my 2012 toshiba laptop being booted for the first time in yrs i can do that…..and really it’s only 3 1/2 hrs bc i WILL be showing up half an hr late as usual (no one cares) 🤭

[magpiesbones]

fuck covid.

[cum-allergy]

..

[cherrygirlfriend]

passenger princess pairing: sunshine!reader x grumpy!rafe synopsis: no one touches your side of the car warnings: fluff! wc: 700 this was such a cute little idea, i loved it!!! this is for the baddies that refuse to get a license ⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ thank you for requesting!

whenever you'd come up with some new, ridiculous way to 'tune up' what you had deemed your side of his car, rafe would act like it was such a bother; like he really didn't get why you felt the need to be doing all that.

rafe's side of the car was, well, normal. sure, he had a few documents he kept in the driver's seat sun visor, but everything else was sleek, normal, but your side was like a kindergartner's dream come true. it got so ridiculous that you had a fluffy blanket you'd stuffed into the glove compartment, conveniently ignoring the gun he kept there. sure, that came in use for car quickies, but most of the time it was just there for when you felt like... napping.

the dashboard had a bunch of stickers as well as some of those weird furry toys (calico crits or some shit) along with those weird little babies with fruits on their heads; you'd put blu-tack on their feet to make sure they stayed in their rightful places. even the cup holder was taken over by a little plushie, and he'd basically had to argue for you to not get a pink cover for the steering wheel; that ended up with you giving him the silent treatment for a week until he showed up behind your door with more ridiculous trinkets for your side of the car.

secretly, he liked the fact that there was your side of the car, that even when you weren't there, he could still see traces of you everywhere.

rafe let out a small sigh, tapping his long digits against the steering wheel, glancing down at his watch the longer it took barry to get there; finally, he saw the man getting out of his trailer, letting out a low "fucking finally..." while barry opened the door to rafe's car, his eyes immediately landing on the crap on your side of the car. "don't ask."

"wasn't gonna." barry huffed in amusement, getting into the decorated side of the car, and rafe wished he wasn't in such a hurry, the sight being so ridiculous. "you're whipped, huh?"

"what are you talking about?" rafe scoffed, the car lurching forward as he started it, barry adjusting the cute seat cover you'd recently bought, letting out a small tut. "i wouldn't do that." but before rafe could stop barry from further meddling with your settings, he'd already started adjusting the seat, making him groan internally.

"are you gonna get shit for it?"

"obviously." rafe scoffed, "and you will too. it took her, like, a month to adjust it to be comfortable. so stop touching her shit."

still, barry continued looking at the little trinkets you kept on your side of the car, taking one of those weird fruit babies and toying with it, letting out a small snort, but when they pulled up in front of an unfamiliar house instead of the house party rafe had told him they'd be going, barry looked at the blonde with furrowed brows, who simply scratched the back of his neck.

"don't tell-"

before he could finish his sentence, barry was startled by the sound of a knock on the passenger seat window, and when he turned around, you were standing there, mouthing something.

"she's saying you're in her seat." rafe muttered under his breath, barry laughing at this; it was getting more and more ridiculous by the minute.

"whipped. w-h-i-p-p-e-d." barry slapped rafe's shoulder, making the blonde roll his eyes as barry got out of the passenger's seat.

"hi." you said with an excited smile as you climbed onto your side of the car, pressing a soft kiss on rafe's stubbled cheek, all the while barry climbed into the backseat, feeling like he was a damn kid getting a ride to school from his parents.

however, as you tried to settle onto your usual seat, you looked between the two men with narrowed eyes, your glossed lips pursing into a pout, rafe feeling like he might burn under your gaze.

"did he mess with my seat?"

"i told him not to!"

"barry!" you exclaimed, your keen eyes landing on the dashboard, noticing that something was missing; you turned around to face him, a sheepish grin on barry's face.

"barry, give me the angel back!"

[chronicallysarah]

I am grateful to essentially have an abled body again. However, that abled body is still entirely dependent upon maintaining a strict diet that no one else understands or respects. It’s… tough. But quite frankly, there’s no price I wouldn’t pay for a body that functions properly with little to no constant pain and fatigue. So I don’t care how many times I am told the diet is pointless or unnecessary or that I need to eat [insert food.] I value my health and bodily autonomy more. I have the ability to function at the same level as a regular able bodied person. Why the hell wouldn’t I take that opportunity?

[be-good-to-bugs]

please PLEASE let this day be OVER NOW

[x-i-l-verify]

Anyways go read my fic guys it has a happy ending I prommy I just gotta fatally stab my fave a few times first no biggie.

Commission for @x-i-l-verify 🗡🩸🩸🩸