#a very fruity lookin man

[cokoweee]

Ehehehehhe

EHEHEHHEHE k bye

[imonthemoonitsmadeofcheese]

In Titan Arcology, Spike Fruit Eats You

A @d2artevents Dawning gift for @scruffynerfherder17 featuring her OC Cloud!

"Hey, uh, I might be looking for someone to watch my back one of these days. To bring some major heat to a gunfight. You for hire?"

The Drifter hires Cloud to assist him in a top secret fruity extraction.

Link to Ao3 if you prefer to read it there

"Hey hey!" the Drifter's coin made a loud 'ding' as he bounced it off the floor and caught it. "Cloud, right?"

"Yes," the purple-eyed Exo answered, folding his arms. The Drifter was clearly not who he was expecting to be meeting in the warehouse he'd been sent to.

"Little sister Eido told me her little sister Whisp said that you were lookin' for work. I got an easy one for ya, if you have the time. Sketchy area, but it should be one-and-done without too much fuss. You in?"

Cloud sighed. Everything in him told him to walk away. The Drifter was not known for his charity. But, then again, Cloud knew from Wisp's experiences that the scruffy man was sometimes weirdly charitable. And one thing he was known for was paying well.

"Let me guess." Cloud asked. "You want me to steal something?"

The Drifter laughed. "Nah. This is all above board."

"Riiiight." Nothing about the Drifter was ever above board.

"Totally legit. Sloane gave me a permit. But, it is in the Arcology on Titan. So, while I got a route planned out, it could get dicey. Arcology's never been the safest place, even before Xivu Arath filled it up with Wrathborn and Taken. Hence why I want some extra heat along with me, just in case."

"You're going yourself? Why not ask the Vanguard for help, officially, if this is so legitimate?"

"This is what you'd call a personal matter. It ain't exactly the sort of thing the Vanguard would prioritize, and I do want this kept quiet and not spread around, so there's extra glimmer in it for your… what's those words she likes so much? Tact? Discretion? Somethin' like that. Silence, basically."

The Drifter leaned against a shipping crate. A sunbeam shone through a cracked window in the wall beside them, glinting against his tumbling coin as he continued. "You help me get my thing and keep your mouth shut, and you can have your pick of my gear and a very, very healthy pile of glimmer. If not, I'll find someone else, but you're A, one of my regulars and B, anyone little sister recommends gets my attention. Plus Eris says you're solid and Crabcakes thinks the world of you."

Cloud's eyes flashed at the Drifter's irreverent nickname for Eido but it was one Eido herself said she did not mind, even when it had been explained to her.

"Ya know," he added. "She tried to get me to let your kid to come along, but the whole point in bringin' you is in case we do get shot at. So I said thanks, but no thanks. Kids stay home on this one."

Cloud's eyes narrowed. "Good," he growled.

The Drifter had turned down Whisp's help. Was he claiming he'd done Cloud a favour? Or was it a threat to accept Whisp's help if he declined?

Drifter nodded at Cloud with a toothy smile.

Winters appeared at Cloud's shoulder. The ghost clicked his flaps in agitation and flew between the two Lightbearers. "What's on Titan that the Vanguard doesn't care about but you do?"

Drifter licked his lips and bounced his coin off of a nearby crate, the floor, another crate, and caught it. "First you tell me whether or not you're in," he addressed the ghost. Then he turned to look back at Cloud. "Once you're in, I'll tell ya what we're after."

At that, the Drifter reached down to the floor behind the crate he was leaning against. Cloud tensed and then relaxed as the rogue Lightbearer plunked a metal box on the table and, with a flick of his wrist, flipped the lid open.

More glittering cubes of glimmer glinted in the sunlight back at Cloud than he'd amassed in several months of work for the Vanguard.

Winters hovered over the box, looking at the gleaming cubes, widened his shell a bit, and looked back at Cloud.

"Money doesn't fix everything," the Drifter continued. "But it sure can solve a lot of problems. I want this quick and quiet and, hopefully, undetected. But, if we are detected, I like breathin' brother, so you're my backup in the very small chance this simple expedition goes completely whackadoo."

It was a lot of glimmer.

Cloud shifted, unfolding his arms. "You're expecting trouble."

"I told you where we're goin'."

"This doesn't seem like you," Cloud countered, trying to find the catch.

"Yeah, well, people change and… I uh… may have promised someone I'd be a bit more careful goin' forward," the Drifter rolled his eyes at the word "careful."

"Specially when it is all above board like this and there's no need to make sure there's no witnesses," the Gambit announcer continued with a wink. "Plus, I ain't hurtin' for glimmer and you got people that need lookin' after. Heard someone may have let their mouth run off and now you might not have access to the work you're used to. Not my business, but if you're willin' to keep your mouth shut and guard my back, I'm happy to make sure you get paid, and I do value my back pretty highly. I've seen how good you are in Gambit, I know you'll do fine. So… are you in on this with me or not?"

Winters turned and looked back at his guardian, waiting to see what Cloud would say.

It was a lot of glimmer. He didn't trust the Drifter, but at the same time, that much glimmer would genuinely help.

"Fine," the purple-eyed Exo said. "I'm in."

"All right, all right, all right." The Drifter pulled out a data pad and began tapping on it. A schematic projected out into the air between them. Blue-green lines glowed in a 3D map of the Arcology.

"I want a plant," the Drifter began. "A specific plant. I want seeds. I want two whole plants with their roots (and I'll be honest with ya brother, I'm not sure that one's possible but there's extra pay if do we pull that off). And, most importantly, I need at least one whole fruit."

"A fruit?" Winters asked, his shell spinning slowly. "You're paying this much for a fruit?"

"Yeah," the Drifter grinned at the incredulous ghost.

"What fruit?" Cloud asked.

The Drifter's eyes glittered. "A pine apple."

'What the hell is a pineapple?" Cloud stepped forward to get a closer look at the Drifter's Arcology schematic. It was very accurate.

"I'll be honest with ya, brother, I have no idea, but we're gonna find out."

Winters and Cloud looked at each other briefly before returning to examine the projection.

"Sloane ain't got no pictures but, before everything went to hell in the collapse, the Arcology greenhouses were exceptionally well labeled and some of those records survived," the Drifter explained. "They're just… not the ones that tell us what the hell these plants look like. But I do know exactly where they are." He pointed to a spot on the projection that had a small green dot.

"How do you know they're not destroyed?" Winters asked, floating to examine the projection at a different angle.

"Because someone, at some point, got some seeds for one and brought 'em to Eris on Io not too long ago. An' that was just a little bit before Io disappeared. They're there in the Arcology all right. It's just a matter of gettin' in to get 'em."

"Ok," Cloud said quietly, memorizing the route the Drifter had mapped out.

"Oh and another thing. We already talked about you not talkin', but add in an extra special layer of not talkin' about this to ol' Three-Eyes. Don't wanna ruin the surprise."

"Surprise?" Cloud asked. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Don't you worry about that, brother. Just get me my fruit and I'll make you rich. Now, Sloane ain't been able to get a patrol to run through there for quite some time, and Thunderguns will appreciate any intel we can get her while we're in there. You feel free to give that to her when we're done an' she'll probably pay you for it too, just leave out what we're after."

The glow from Cloud's purple eyes narrowed. "I thought you said she gave you a permit."

"She did. This uh.. just ain't exactly what the permit is for."

Cloud shook his head. "I'm not crossing Sloane."

"There is no crossing anyone here. This is totally legit. We got permission for a bit of salvage just like I used to do. It's just that… unlike my usual, the Golden Age tech we're salvagin' this time is of the… biological kind."

"This is too much money for just a fruit." Winters countered.

"Damn straight," the Drifter answered. "That's cuz this is for fruit and silence and watchin' my back. And it's a very special fruit. Most people ain't heard of it. Almost mythical. But it ain't. It exists. And ol'Drifter's gonna get some."

"You have some sort of fruit obsessed buyer?" Cloud asked.

"Nope. Personal use," the Drifter grinned and licked his lips as though he were holding back laughter at a joke only he knew the punchline to.

"Never thought you'd be the type of person to overpay for fruit." Cloud said quietly.

"And you should stop thinkin' about it, because once this is over you're bein paid to forget you ever heard of it, am I right?"

Cloud nodded. "Ok, I guess."

"Now, we're goin' in here," the Drifter pointed at the map. "I'll get us there without bein' noticed, that's not a problem. Transmat in will be one-way. I got the Derelict zoned in on a transmat beacon we'll carry with us and set up. We get back to that spot and activate it when we want out."

"Why not take the beacon with us and just leave when we find what we're looking for?" Cloud asked.

"That would be so much easier, you're right, but there's too much stuff in the way. Can't get a signal in there. I tried. If I could set us down inside the room we need to get to, I wouldn't need you, hotshot. This is as close as we can get."

Cloud nodded in understanding.

"We'll leave the beacon at the drop point," Drifter continued. "Then we'll need to make our way through these three sections. First one is a big open area but it'd be hard to fill that with hostiles without bein' obvious and the remote scans I could get look pretty clean. Should be pretty quiet. This middle area is where it might get a bit dicey. A while back, there was a lot of Savathun's Hive camped out there, but ever since she got all glowy with the Light her brood either joined her or were left on their own to do… whatever the hell Hive do in that situation. I don't know genocidal space bug politics. Chances are they ain't there no more, but if they aint, somethin' else might've moved in."

…

Something else had indeed moved in.

Cloud and the Drifter both crouched together behind a large stone and metal reinforced wall in the Arcology as a Taken Ogre's Rotten Surge repeatedly hit the other side.

"Can you control it like the ones in Gambit?" Cloud asked.

"Nope!" the Drifter said cheerily as he reloaded his hand cannon, Trust.

Cloud's head turned to the side and he shot a Taken Thrall over the Drifter's shoulder.

The rogue Lightbearer grinned at him. "I knew bringin' you was a good idea."

Cloud nodded and shot another Thrall.

"Ok here's how this is gonna go," the Drifter said, peeking out from behind the wall and ducking back as the Rotten Surge hit the barrier again. "I'm gonna skitter around back behind it, and you're gonna keep its attention over here."

"You need me to be bait," Cloud said, dryly.

"You catch on quick." The Drifter's eyes glittered with amusement.

Cloud sighed deeply and checked around his side of the wall, ducking back before the Ogre's eye beam could rip him apart with Arc energy.

"This thing's big enough to be a Primeval in Gambit," the Drifter continued, "but I've seen you take those down, no issue."

"Gambit has four players." Cloud retorted.

"Treat it like when two people drop." The Drifter clasped Cloud's shoulder briefly and winked at him before tumbling to the side, coming to his feet and running between different bits of cover.

Cloud sighed again and brought his Dead Man's Tale scout rifle up, sniping several precision shots at the Ogre. It immediately retrained its eye on him and began blasting the wall Cloud ducked behind once more.

Sniping and ducking, Cloud kept the Ogre's attention and watched as the Drifter skillfully tumbled and skittered between bits of cover until he was nearly behind the Taken monstrosity.

Then there was a Taken Knight. The Drifter's hand cannon barked four times and the Knight went down. Cloud watched between shots to keep the Ogre focused on him as the Drifter tumbled to avoid another Taken Knight, shooting as he rolled. A third Taken Knight sliced down with its sword, leaving a huge gouge in the metal flooring where the Drifter had just been standing. The rogue Lightbearer stumbled when the wave of fire coming from the third Knight's eye caught him.

Cloud frowned as the Drifter tripped and disappeared from view. He frowned even more as he saw a small horde of Thralls running to where the Drifter had last been standing.

"Dammit, Drifter." Cloud whispered, slinging his scout rifle over his shoulder and pulling out Planck's Stride, his finger already depressing the trigger so the gun began firing as soon as the muzzle was level with the ground.

On the other side of the Ogre, the Knight that had been attacking the Drifter began to dance with Void-infused bullets.

Cloud calmly tipped the muzzle to the side to pump several rounds into the Ogre, knocking it back and stunning it briefly, before returning to gun down yet another Knight on the other side of the enclosure.

The volume of Thralls now swarming where he'd last seen the Drifter was now beyond concerning. Then, just as Cloud was trying to decide if he could take a few blasts from the Ogre to clear out some of the Thralls, there was a loud clear 'Ding!' and a fireball erupted from the middle of the mess of Thralls.

Cloud ducked back behind the wall in time to avoid the Rotten Surge from the Ogre as another 'Ding!' rang out, erupting in another large Solar grenade.

Cloud stepped out from behind the wall to witness the results of the third 'Ding!' - a Stasis Glacier grenade this time. It was followed up by another Solar grenade, shattering everything embedded in it.

Unfortunately, the fireworks behind the Ogre were now too impressive to ignore and it turned, firing its powerful Arc beam toward where the grenades were going off.

Seeing his opening, Cloud stepped out from behind the wall, jumped up into the air with a spin and let loose multiple flaming knives first from one hand and then the other.

The Solar Blade Barrage ripped into the Ogre's exposed back. Yellow-orange flames fluttered across and then consumed the inky blackness of the Taken's essence in purifying incandescent light, burning it to ash.

The monster's eye stopped firing. It sunk to its knees with a final roar and fell forward motionless just before it completely dissolved.

Cloud hit the ground running and once he'd reached the other side he skidded to a stop where he'd last seen the Drifter. The ground and walls were covered in scorched patches with lingering flames flickering from them. Shards of shattered and dissipating Stasis crunched under his feet. The Drifter was nowhere to be seen.

A single Thrall jumped up and ran at him. Cloud drew and fired Moon River, his hand cannon, lightning quick. The Thrall went down and dissipated near-instantly.

Above him, Cloud heard the rusty groan of metal being forced to do something it did not want to do.

The Exo Guardian tumbled to the side and kept Moon River ready. A large and rusted grating overtop of an equally large and rusting pipe flipped down and the Drifter slid out gracelessly with a stumble as he came to his feet.

Winters materialized and scanned the rogue Lightbearer.

"You were… hiding?" the ghost asked him.

"Yup," he coughed, his coat covered in ashes and grime. "That went sour right quick," he said dryly. "But you turned it around." He pointed at Cloud with a smile. "I knew I could count on you." He stumbled again, propping himself up against a wall to cough a few times while blinking.

"How bad are you hurt?" Cloud asked.

"I've been worse," the Drifter smirked.

"Should we go back?" Winters asked.

"Oh hell no. I didn't just get lit on fire to go back empty handed," the Drifter waved off the concerned ghost. "Drifter wants his fruit!"

"There's seriously nowhere else you could get it?" Cloud asked as the Lightbearer walked past.

"Nope," the Drifter said, continuing forward. "They're extinct. Except here. Gonna make 'em un-extinct if I can. First on the Derelict and then maybe we can stick some of 'em earthside somewhere, leave 'em to grow on their own."

"Why do you care so much about a fruit if you don't even know what it looks like?" Cloud followed behind him.

"What can I say? I like old things. Ol' Drifter's a conservationist at heart."

"Right," Cloud said, entirely unconvinced.

The Drifter stumbled again and caught himself as he started coughing once more.

"Should you get your ghost to heal that?" Cloud asked.

"Nope."

Winters disappeared and then spoke quietly on a private channel directly to Cloud.

"His ghost isn't here."

"What?" Cloud asked under his breath.

"His ghost isn't here. I don't feel it at all."

Cloud let the Drifter get a bit farther ahead while continuing to scan their surroundings for hostiles.

"It's probably just cloaked or something," Cloud whispered. "Drifter's pretty shifty. It'd make sense for his ghost to be shifty too. Where else would it be?"

"I don't know but… what he's doing is very dangerous. Be careful."

Cloud nodded and caught back up to the Drifter who was standing in front of a closed and very secure-looking blast door.

"Alright, alright, alright. Should be just through these doors here. Stay sharp, brother."

…

The Drifter declined Winters' help hacking the security on the door, preferring to hotwire it by hand, but his hotwiring was successful and relatively quick.

Cloud and Winters looked at each other. The Exo shrugged his shoulders and the ghost shrugged his flaps before disappearing again.

Once through the door it was as though they had stepped into a different world. The large automated greenhouse, for that is what it was, was warm, humid, and very overgrown.

Vines dangled everywhere and foliage was bursting from what had once been well maintained gardens with walkways between them. In one corner, water gushed from a ruptured pipe, forming an unnatural waterfall.

The Drifter grinned as he closed the door behind them. "Well would you look at that. Ain't this a tiny section of unmitigated paradise?"

"How is it still running?" Cloud asked.

"Golden Age tech," the Drifter replied. "Sometimes it just works… and keeps workin'."

The Drifter pulled out a data pad and started tapping on it, trying to interface with a computer terminal. "Nope. Maintenance is still maintenance-ing but the higher level systems are all dead. Should be physically labeled though. Time for a scavenger hunt."

Cloud sent Winters for a flyby aerial scan as the Drifter walked along what had once been a path. It was now overgrown with tree roots and vines.

A few steps in, the rogue Lightbearer crouched down and called back to Cloud. "See this?" he said, lifting up a large leaf.

Below the leaf was a small sign. Rusted metal held up engraved glass. The Drifter slid his hand between vines and picked up a handful of dirt, then he rubbed it along the glass. The engraved lettering filled with dirt, and was suddenly legible despite the electronic aspects of the sign no longer functioning.

"Built to last," the Drifter pronounced. "I like it. Lychee sure is a weird name for a tree, though. I wonder if the fruits are the red spiky things. Well… while we're here we might as well…" He stepped in and reached up, grabbing a small red spiky protrusion. It made a wet sound as it came off the branch.

"We're lookin' for either pine apple or an-an-ass," the Drifter continued. "Don't ask me why they call it that. I have no idea. Golden Age humanity had wild names for things."

"Ass fruit." Cloud said. "You've got us here looking for ass fruit."

"I guess," the Drifter answered as he cracked open the red spiky nodule in his hand and raised an eyebrow at white flesh inside before taking a small bite.

"Oh… this is real nice. Try this." He reached up and plucked another from the tree, tossing it over to Cloud.

Cloud stared at it for a moment, questioning his decision making skills if he was seriously considering consuming strange fruit from a location likely undisturbed for centuries, handed to him by the Drifter of all people, but curiosity overcame his reluctance and he broke open the fragile shell and took a small nibble of the inside.

"Huh. It really is good. Sweet."

"Yeah, but it's a nice sweet," the Drifter said. He had wandered much farther away into a different section of the garden.

"Yes," Cloud agreed, moving in a different direction, looking for more of the small signs the Drifter had uncovered.

"Bet that thing in the middle is the seed," the rogue Lightbearer's voice floated up from some overgrowth. "Gonna keep that. Maybe I can get it to grow."

Cloud looked at the remains of his fruit and quietly put the seed into his pocket.

The Drifter's laugh floated over the foliage and a second small spiky red fruit sailed through the air toward Cloud. He caught it easily.

"If you're gonna try growin' it too, most fruit needs two so the flowers can have uh.. happy fun sexy times."

Cloud nodded and ate the second delicious tiny fruit. He had only just finished when he heard Drifter's gravelly voice from a different point farther ahead.

"Dragon fruit? I ain't goin' anywhere near nothing called a dragon fruit. Give that one a wide berth, hero. And don't think any wishful thoughts, just in case it's listenin'."

Cloud grunted in agreement and began searching in the opposite direction.

The air was muggy and thick. Each step Cloud took was accompanied by a squelching sound as muck and vegetation crumpled underfoot. It was uncomfortable and unsettling, but also beautiful.

After rubbing dirt on a fourth sign, Cloud called out, "Drifter!"

"Yeah?"

"I think I found it."

"Nice." The sound of leaves swishing accompanied the Drifter making his way closer.

Streaked with dirt, the small glass sign read: "ananas comosus, pineapple."

"Pineapple is one word, apparently," Cloud said.

"One word? That's clearly two words to me, brother. Pine and apple. The fact that they just up and stuck two words together and made a new one is whacked. Language sure is weird. This is why I stick to math," the Drifter muttered.

Winters had returned and was now scanning the plants.

"That is one ugly fruit," the Drifter pronounced, leaning forward and touching some of the long spiky leaves. "Lookit that. That's the most Hive-lookin' vegetation I ever seen, and I been in Savathun's Throne World. That's more Hivey than the purple Hive cabbage. All spikey and vicious. No wonder she likes it."

"Who's she?" Winters asked.

The Drifter looked up at the drone from where he was crouched. "What?"

"You said no wonder she likes it," Cloud explained. "Who's she?"

The Drifter's eyes narrowed. "Remember that thing we talked about? About not talkin' about what we're talkin' about?"

Cloud sighed. "Yes."

"Lets not talk about that."

Winters slowly rolled his shell as the Drifter reached out two hands and twisted the ugly spiky fruit, ripping it off from the middle of the plant's central stem. It almost looked like an exploding grenade.

"That doesn't look very edible," Cloud said, watching him.

"Neither did the lychee," the Drifter countered. "Lots of plants where the Earth was hot needed to defend themselves. But, if I'm right, then maybe under these spikes…"

He wriggled his fingers and suddenly there was a knife in his hand, seemly pulled from the air. Even in the middle of a swampy greenhouse with only one other person for an audience, that he was paying to be there, the Drifter was still doing sleight-of-hand.

The knife blade cut deep into the fruit and the Drifter pulled out a wedge. The outside spikes gave way to bright yellow flesh. The Drifter smelled it and then nibbled it. "Oh yeah. Yeah this is it. Taste that." He tossed the strange fruit wedge to Cloud.

Cloud held it out for Winters to scan before taking a small bite. "It's sweet," he said. "And very acidic."

"Cloud," Winters interrupted. "Spectral analysis shows that plant has an enzyme that's able to partially dissolve human flesh. It's a weak enzyme and cannot do any damage to your Exo body but… it's almost like it's… attempting to eat you…"

The Drifter looked up with a wide grin. "A plant that eats ya back? Damn! That is …so her."

Both Cloud and Winters stared at him. The Drifter shook his head as he returned his gaze to the plant, clearly admiring it. "Like it's gettin' vengeance," he said under his breath before turning back to them. "Keep watch, hotshot. I gotta get dirty over here, an' I do love gettin' dirty, but just you make sure nothin' takes us out while I do."

Cloud kept Dead Man's Tale ready as the Drifter pulled out a folding shovel from seemingly nowhere, unfolded it, and started to dig.

Half an hour later, two plants with roots wrapped in cloth, four spiky pineapple fruit, and two long tentacle-like spikes lay on the ground at their feet.

"I'm not seeing any seeds," Winter said, hovering above one of the remaining plants and scanning it again.

"Not sure this thing has seeds," the Drifter replied, carefully examining his handiwork. "I think these," He pointed to the long green spikes he'd set aside, "…are as close as we get. An' I'm pretty sure this weird spiky pineapple fruit is actually a flower. Such an evil lookin' thing. Angry. Like it's gonna stab things. It's perfect." He licked his lips with a wide grin, clearly delighted at what they had secured.

"Anywhoo," the Drifter stood up, folding his shovel back into its compact form. "Get your ghost to transmat these away for now and I'll get 'em back from you once we get out."

"Why can't you get your ghost to-"

A distant but very loud crash echoed through the Arcology. Both Lightbearers trained their weapons on the door.

"That sounds big," the Drifter said. "Finish this fast, yeah?"

Cloud nodded and Winters began to transmat away what the Drifter had set aside to his internal storage.

Once they were back through the door, the Drifter crouched down and began fiddling with the wires he'd twisted together to hotwire it open. Cloud stood next to him, his weapon ready. Another loud impact filled their ears. They felt it through the floor this time.

"What are you doing?" Cloud whispered.

"I wanna come back here," the Drifter explained. "Dont' want nothin' gettin' in there and messin with anything else. That's a living museum in there."

"You really are a conservationist."

The Drifter gave him a small smile, different from his usual practiced grin. "Most smugglers are," he said quietly. Sparks spat out from the wires in his fingers and another layer of the blast doors closed. "Got it. Alright let's get goin'."

…

Cloud and the Drifter peeked cautiously across the last area they needed to get through before they were at their transmat beacon. It had been empty on their way in. Now it was crawling with Wrathborn.

"That's a lot," Cloud said quietly.

"Damn. All green and misty. Was hoping not to be shootin' space lobster today, since you got family that's them. I'm sorry."

"Those ones haven't been Eliksni for a while," Winters said quietly next to Cloud's ear.

"You gonna be up for this?" the Drifter asked. "These ones ain't friends. Hard not to see friends when ya fight 'em though."

"We don't have much choice, and we're just trying to get through." Cloud answered. "There's a lot of them though."

"Yup," the Drifter pointed up above their heads to a long beam that ran down the middle near the top of the vaulted ceiling. "Shortcut along the roof through the rafters, but it's very exposed. Once they look up, they're gonna notice. How do you feel about balancing on thin ledges while dodging gunfire and avoiding a long drop, with certain death below, all the while at a dead run, brother?"

"Sounds like Tuesday," Cloud said, wryly.

"Haha! I like your style, kid. Let's dance!"

It was more of a pipe than a beam. Its curved surface had cross-bars bolted to it periodically, providing structural integrity to the roof above. Cloud and the Drifter scurried lightly along, working hard to avoid making noise and stay unnoticed.

They got almost halfway across before an Arc-charged Wrathborn Captain below them screamed and started sending Arc bolts flying up at them.

"Knew that was too good to last," the Drifter muttered and began to run faster.

A Befouler Wrathborn Heavy Shank rose up to the same height in the ceiling as they were, guns pointed at both of them, with eight smaller shanks clustered around it. All began firing.

The Drifter picked off four of the smaller Shanks without breaking stride before reloading and ducking behind a metal joist to avoid being hit.

Cloud took a running leap and landed on top of the large Heavy Shank. He dodged, jumping back off off it and landing next to the Drifter just in time for the Shank to become incandescent with Solar light. He followed up with two shots from his hand cannon and the Shank exploded and fell apart, raining twisted metal and fire onto the hostiles below.

"Hahaha! You're amazing, brother!" the Drifter laughed as he continued running ahead.

Below them, a Wrathborn Brig fired its missile launcher, hitting the pipe under the Drifter's feet. He jumped out of the way but the area where he landed collapsed as well.

Cloud jumped, slamming into the Drifter and clothes-lining him mid-air. The Drifter practically folded in half around Cloud's arms and the Hunter's momentum took them both through the air across the ceiling and down to land on a catwalk half-way up the walls.

The Drifter rolled out from under Cloud and came to his knees gasping for breath and coughing. "Woo!" he said between coughs. "Glad you're on my side." Cloud stood and held out a hand. The Drifter grabbed it and came to his feet with a grin. His eyes flicked to the side and, asp-quick, he began firing Trust from his hip into the Wrathborn Servitor which had teleported behind Cloud.

Cloud jumped up, placing one leg and then the other into a wall-run up and around the Drifter, away from the Servitor.

The spherical Servitor's central eye began to charge with Void energy. The Drifter kept firing directly into the middle of it. His shots were precise but it was a very large Servitor and the eye kept charging. Just before it could fire, a Solar Scatter grenade landed directly on top of it. The Servitor burst into flames and fell.

The two Lightbearers nodded to each other and continued running along the catwalk, dodging and shooting.

They jumped down from the catwalk near the other end of the long open area, still running and gunning. Cloud let loose a Blade Barrage, clearing the path ahead of them of hostiles, and the Drifter slid down on his knees in front of the crate where he'd hidden the transmat beacon. He ripped the top off and began rapidly assembling the device.

Cloud stayed on his feet and continued shooting. He'd switched to Plank's Stride and was now mowing down anything coming toward them.

"How much longer?" he called back to the Drifter.

"Workin' on it! Almost there!" the Drifter yelled back while rapidly snapping metal pieces together.

"Can you go any faster?" Cloud asked as his machine gun ran out of ammunition. He pulled out Nezerac's Whisper and began using the glaive's shield to deflect incoming fire from himself and the Drifter behind him while shooting the occasional Arc bolt at the oncoming Wrathborn.

"Nope!" the Drifter said cheerily.

The ground below them both began to glow in a bright red-orange circle.

"Drifter!" Cloud shouted.

An armoured gloved hand grabbed Cloud's shoulder and the Drifter yelled "Transmat firing!"

The transmat rippled and they both disappeared just before the incoming Solar Spitfire barrage annihilated everything in the area they'd just been standing.

…

Both men staggered, breathing heavily and stumbling as they materialized in the Gambit ready room on the Derelict.

"Woo-eee! That was close!" the Drifter said excitedly before he was overtaken with a coughing fit.

Cloud walked over to a set of metal steps and sat down.

Winters appeared at his shoulder.

"That was more than close. That was ridiculous. You almost got us all killed for your stupid fruit!" the tiny ghost shivered in anger.

"Yeah, but we lived." The Drifter winked at the upset drone and walked over to a nearby shipping crate.

He slapped the top of the large box and said "Now, give Drifter his pineapples."

Winters looked back at Cloud. Cloud nodded. Winters made a noise that could only be interpreted as a sigh and transmatted the fruit, plants and stem spikes onto the top of the crate.

The Drifter picked up one of the fruits and smelled it with a wide grin. "Mmm-mmm. This is gonna be great. But first, you gotta get paid."

He took two steps back and reached into a different open crate, pulling out the box he'd shown them earlier and adding a second, smaller metal box on top of it. Both clinked loudly.

Cloud stood up from the steps and approached the boxes.

"That's the first part," Drifter said. "Get your ghost to count it if you like, but listen, brother. That was more than either of us bargained for and you saved Drifter's ass not once but three separate times. Don't think I didn't notice. Get your ghost to send me a full loadout of any of my gear and I'll leave it for you in the post box but also…"

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a jade coin. He flicked it and it ignited in his fingers. He tossed it across the crate to Cloud.

The flame went out as it tumbled through the air and Cloud caught the coin. He looked at it in his hand and flipped it over. Both sides had the Drifter's jade Gambit snakes now very blackened and charred from Solar fire.

"That's a favour," the Drifter leaned on the crate and coughed before he continued. "Hold on to that. Call it in when you need it. I owe you one."

Winter hovered over the boxes on the crate. "Cloud, this is more glimmer than we agreed to."

"We got the whole plants intact, and you kept me alive. I told ya I value my own ass highly. You're a class act, brother." The Drifter gave him a small two-fingered salut. "Thanks."

…

The next day Cloud stood in line at the post office. Kadi 55-30 turned away at the counter and then turned back with a box wrapped in Gambit green with the Drifter's snakes embossed on the outside. "Package for Cloud." Kadi said. "Happy Dawning."

Cloud stepped to the side and opened the box. Inside were several engrams and another smaller box.

"All there?" he asked Winters.

"All there, but also something else," Winters answered. "A box of… cookies?"

Cloud pulled out the smaller box and opened it. It smelled delightful. Inside was a selection of different cookies, pinwheel, coconut balls, shortbread, several dark chocolate tetrahedrons that looked like tiny motes, and a little note card. In clear clean printing with thin marker were the words:

Thanks again, hotshot! Enjoy the gear. See you in Gambit. ~D

"These are nicely done," Winters said. "Do you think he made them himself? Oh hey, are those Etheric Coldsnaps? And look! Those candies look like tiny Herealways pieces! Whisp is going to love those."

Cloud closed up both boxes and began to turn away.

"Guardian," Kadi 55-30 called out to him. "Package for Cloud. Happy Dawning."

He turned back to receive a smaller box wrapped in brown cloth. It was tied with red velvet string and had a small metal charm with Eris Morn's symbol imprinted on it.

Cloud opened the box to find several misshapen cookies, hard as rocks and burnt on the bottom, perhaps made of oatmeal but it was difficult to tell. A small folded note was on top of them.

In a thin spidery hand with cursive that was difficult to read, the note read:

Cloud,

I am told you were of great help recently to someone I care for. Thank you.

Happy Dawning, E

One edge of the paper was sticky and smelled faintly of pineapple.

[sciderman]

i'll always comment mcfarlane for how he drew spider-man. something inherantly fruity about the ways he posed that twunk

it's true, mcfarlane's art is pretty fruity. my gode.. this is... ridiculouse...

i don't know, it's very hit-or-miss for me - it's very 90s – i always get "how to draw anime" vibes whenever peter takes his mask off.

stop lookin at me with them big ole eyes.

i think his spidey art is gorgeous but when he draws literally anything else it is horrible. this is. oh god oh no what's this guy doing here

its the 90s and i cant escape him ! ! ! 1

[gimblegamble]

Gim gimgingim my broski my buddy my boo I literally love the nickname plannonthayssisido that’s so cute oml WOOOOO :DDD

Yes ur walls r great btw I got like snacks n here n shit im lirking in ur shadows I’m sending u invisible appreciation im appreciating u so hard u don’t even no it literally /pos

Oh il ur x desfgin by the way he has such cool hair like if sm1 had fisgety hands imaging if they give it a lil brush u no or a lil tug or put sm cute flowers in it n stuff thatd be cute !!!! he’s a pretty boyi u nko kno u kko yhyhyhyhyh

Also I forgor if I respondede to this yet but ur so correct acc about the new hermits getting thei own crushes on Mumbo too HC stands for Hermits CrushingOnMumboJumbo acctuallye u r so correct n try 💀<<<<333333

…………. Def not m havin thoughts aboy the diff between ppl resctong to gem vs Skizz if they were to find out they gained a hot crush on Mumbo too….. like…. Bro imagine……..

Ppl going to gen like awwww that’s cute bestie we lov that frfr gem welcome to the club bestie n shes so sweet w mumbo n it’s all good n she might be deadly enough to casully take out a sword n death glare any competitors sometime if they’re tryna crash in any dedidcated Mumbo time (COYGHCOUGCVOUGH Grian COUGHCOIYHCIIHJ) but it’s all good ukno all cute :))))))

But like Skizz. And here’s the thing Skizz is such a huge teddy bear o a guy. Fav angel dude fr. But like. I’m lookin at how ZIT already had like a whol competition bet thing going on w seducing Mumbo Outta his sexy pristine normal asssuit pants. I’m looking at the hints of possessivendsc that like Z n I n T all had at times b4 w dear ol mumby boy. I’m lookinh at thr bond ZITS hav going on n how Skizz could b having a gay ol time w mumbo n maybe flirting just a tad (a lot lol) n maybe he throws Mumbo over his arm cus he cute like that n S catches one of the others eye just for a second n motherfucker would SMIRK. LMAO ‘look bitches I got ur man now he’s my man what u gonna do bout it <3’ like iys probs not on the level of Doc n Grian (n X n Scar n probs Keralis lol) petty aaaa possessiveness rivalry becaus ZITS r still a lol goofy w it y’know ykno but like

Sometimesz

Sometimes.

Hffhhffhhffygufhghvvhvjjvjvjvvjjbbj ty gim happy pride btw rip I’m a fruity little plannon today <3

- 🌱 Anon

Plannon it is then! ^^ lmao always a pleasure to receive a message from you. Feels like I have a penpal in the world somewhere. Apparently in my walls though so I hope you're still comfortable in there with how cold its getting again??? (last week we were at the >20C?? Now we're back at single digits???? What happened?????).

As for my Xisuma, maybe no tugging since he has some very sensitive hair roots but flowers are always welcome! (I still think he needs a haircut though)

I agree on your interpretation of the true meaning of HC and shall immediately add it to my dictionary lmao.

Actually I haven't really thought about Skizz all that much so I'm pretty interested in some headcanons about them. I don't really see much of Skizz in general I suppose.

I say that but for some reason I had no trouble hearing this sentence (‘look bitches I got ur man now he’s my man what u gonna do bout it <3’) in his voice so.. lol.

Happy pride as well plannon! go and be your fruity little self and have fun.

[dcviated]

relationship building :: open

@cloudpools sent: 🍺 for my muses drunk reaction around yours. ((Harima and Holly lololol

Sworn to secrecy. Give him a break. More like a gag order to hide her own devious lifestyle, that's how Harima sees it. But goddamn if he isn't a man of his word. Without his word he ain't got a whole lot else after all. Still. Seeing her mill about in casual clothes is like seeing a lion or other zoo animal standing on two feet. Who's she trying to fool??

"Ain't foolin' me." Harima huffs, taking the glass before him and throwing it back for a hearty chug. "Guhhh.. man! The hell is with this week anyway?" The beer joins similar company in his gut, the swirl in his eyes threatening to wobble into something closer to tears. Sure, maybe she had kinda sorta saved him. But down a job (because he absolutely caught the flack and got fired) he was back to hoofing it for other labor deals.

A damn mercy is what it was, that the owners didn't blacklist him. Or put out some nasty rumors. Similarly he wasn't putting anything out on the Irish girl. Though she still didn't look very Irish to him. If she were Irish, she'd be drinking something really hard, wouldn't she? That glass is all flowery and fruity lookin. Baffling.

Not that Harima's any good at solving logical quandaries to begin with. And after having a few good glasses?

Thunk. Thunk. Through sniffles he thumps the heavy glass mug against the counter. Biting back frustration the same as sorrows. Why's she having a good time anyway?? What's she got to be happy about??

Apparently a whole lot more than him. A proper response would to let bygones be bygones. But the whole ridiculousness of the situation (along with how it seems to dog him) keeps him stuck against it like flypaper. Kinda like how his eyes keep flitting back to her from across the bar.

There's a few good reasons to keep wearing shades... even if, right now at least, the saturation of tears and wrench of frustration decimates any attempt at looking cool with them. Barely at drinking age and he looks about the biggest loser as any old drunkard three times his age.

"Bartender! I need... another."

"Kid, I think you've had enough."

"Youre... goddamn right... about that!!!"

[greatprotector-if]

hey... no shame in admitting your ideal man is a straight gym bro who melts into a teddy bear after he realizes he likes guys... the gay panic.... the puppy love... the earnestness... you know he'd get all shy and nervous asking to hold your hand for the first time... poor guy's trembling during your first kiss because oh my god he's never done this with a guy before???? he's so happy he could die... i'm also touch starved and want to be held in a pair of big strong arms, i get you /lh.

and girl (gender neutral) thank you for humoring ME!!!! i am so normal about sdv i swear. i also happen to have the dcburger portrait mod installed (mainly because i couldn't find shie portraits for ridgeside) so now i get whiplash going from two very different art styles. also sprinkle in a bunch of dialogue mods and now everyone's more fleshed out... slippery slope to having like 60 mods in your folder and really putting your computer to work. i have the yandere dialogue installed so lovesick doesn't even scratch the surface for my game's alex lol. i get too preoccupied with foraging so i completely miss shiro most days as well (and pretty much every other villager) but him and his little brother are so sweet!!! the scar is just so unfair. i want to kiss him so bad.

i also really like jeric, fun flirty characters are just so mmm. i know the love interests are all playersexual but jeric i buy being fruity. even if he didn't have the single left earring in i would still confidently say he kisses boys. i know what he is.

i'm sweating from the first part of this ask you read me like a fucking book

i'll admit it!!!! gay panic is my Shit!!!!! and the way you described it is exactly what i love about it. games where it literally makes no difference whether you're gay or not are so cool and great but the games where the characters go "haha never been with another guy/girl before" have me in a chokehold. Knowing how to do things with people of the opposite gender but then when it's someone of the same gender suddenly they're nervous and feel vulnerable and don't know where to put their hands? oh my god Might as well just kill me at this point

i know the million mods killing computer feeling i went a little crazy downloading mods & i spent. literal hours just scrolling through them and the dialogue mods Carry. i love them so much, especially the ones that flesh out the romances bc vanilla stardew's kinda lacking in that department. (thank you modders you saved my life) and oh my god dude usually yandere is not my thing personally but when i saw the alex mod curiousity took over and. lookin through those screenshot previews? seeing the things he said? for the first time i Get It. god i get it. my finger almost slipped and i nearly downloaded it myself

JERIC ONLY HAS ONE EARRING? i've spoken to him maybe once so i never noticed that but you're so right that is a boyliker. god i need to stop mining all the time and actually talk to people i can't believe i've been missing out on a flirty character this is so fucked i Need to know more

[rottingskunk]

night at the museum: Kamunrah rises again review

-i was binging the hell out of the night at the museum franchise (I chose to start with Smithsonian museum arc (2) then i’ll end with one). I watched the fourth movie and have many thoughts, as someone who loves this franchise to bits. (If you dont see mentions of the first movie its bc i havent seen it yet from my movie marathon)

1. The timeline is hella off im so confused about it. Nick is in highschool but NATM3 he was going to college?? Laa is there so it can’t be post NATM 2. If it was post NATM3 the best solution to this problem is having the adventure set IN THE UK???

2. I honestly am confused why kamunrah was revived again such a strange character to bring back i mean he was already dead before why bring him back?? (He was so iconic in the 2nd movie. Has funny bits in the fourth but third act bore me sorry) I genuinely wish there was a different bad guy instead

3. Infact i genuinely wish they had a small series for post NATM3 arc wherein its about the British museum rather than our main cast. Theres so much room and potential to introduce interesting historical figures too! Heck even make some of the animal statues talk that would be interesting (i doubt thats possible even with the tablet but shush) (is this an excuse to bring back rebel wilson to be the night guard-maybe Jdjfjsjdk/lh)

4. I love Octavius design he is not ugly to me at all infact he looks amazing in the movie! I love his face and his hair they look good. (I question why Jed is ginger and clean shaven, hes better off looking scruffy and scrappy looking) SIDE NOTE I LOVE THEM ADOPTING A CAT IT WAS MEANT TO BE !! (Their dynamic was off but them being clingy asf to each other made things less unberable)

5. Sacagewea and Joan of arc be lookin fruity in that one scene I see yall HDDJSJ, cute momment too. I love their respective character designs they are very fun plus Sacagewea is more plot relevant for once im glad for that:’D. Ik Joan of Arc wasnt there for the previous movies but my only answer to that plothole is shes also a new exhibit that was installed before NATM4. Or she could be in the British museum AKA AN EXCUSE TO HAVE JOAN AND LANCELOT TO INTERACT BRO THAT WOULD BE COOL

6.i love these movies but NATM4’s final fight scene wasn’t as impactful as the others. No.2 was so fucking good at their fight scenes the characters battling it out with a good amount for both sides, theres different spotlights for the characters even if its one second. The third movie it was more of a chase scene ft. LION STATUES BEING BIG CATS GAHHH<33 and Lancelot identity crisis poor man. This fourth one felt like a fight you see in every cartoon or show, just felt not as creative? Except when Nick destroyed the bird soldiers eye with arrows that was cool.

7. WHY DOES DEXTER NOT LOOK LIKE A CAPUCHIN??? He looks like a generic orange or brown ish monkey. I looked up how they look like irl and they tend to have multi colored fur so his design rlly confused the hell out of me. I genuinely love capuchins bc of dexter and able (choosing them over chimpanze’s just saying)

8.Lightning round bc I RAN OUT OF SPACE: Mia looks cool (wish she was used more in the story), Akmunrah not being there is so saddening, Nick and the bi sticker ™, Fun call back to the subway scene very cute, I love the oil painting joke its corny and useful to the chase, OFFENDED THERES NO BIG ANIMAL IN THE MAM MUSEUM EXCUSE??😭😭 theres always a big boy in there wdym (Rexy, Octopus, Trixie),Comic convention joke was my fave its such a cute moment

Heres some photos yey!! ok im done i spoke too much on this-did not expect such passion over it!!

[oonajaeadira]

I’ve got 2 cats, one of which very much enjoys imitating a rotisserie chicken while she sleeps (she starts in her stomach than works her way onto her back)

Her name is Applesauce.

(Cookie Dough is still a bit scraggly lookin’ post radiation, it’s honestly a bit distressing.)

I think landlords shouldn’t exist and the Ronald Reagan was a idiot figure head in the pockets of corporate America who got into office because of name recognition and charisma. Who extended the Cold War 3+ years because he wanted to build space lasers.

I’m queer as fuck and I’m probably projecting but damn near all of Pedro’s characters come off just a lil fruity, a lil bit like they’ve at least considered the company and comfort of another man’s body heat. (Yes I will be rubbing my grubby gay hands all over Silva once I see Strange Way of Life, no one, not even me, is ready for the kind of person I am likely to become once I see it)

But also like the guy himself, he just seems like such kind man, and a fucking dork, I wanna head bonk him, I wanna hug him! I think he’d be a cool guy to get toasted with!

Look at his stupid pretty face

This is such a beautiful "thrifting and chat and later coffee" of a message. I love a little rotisserie cat. I love a transman Ez. I love and agree with Pedro and his fruity characters. I love a man who has a healthy dose of the feminine in him.

I'll meet you at the thrift store, friend.

[mypersonalships]

Already have their appearances in mind:

Freddy looks like a pretty fruity uncle tbh. Bald with his iconic hat and sweater. But his skin is smooth with only a few scars from non-fire incidents. Crooked uneven teeth to replicate his demon-sharp ones. And his knifeglove instead is just a manicured right hand with long white/black/red nails. (Whichever you prefer) Maybe even a few piercings on his tongue and ears to make him slightly more edgy. (And to also hint to his pointy ears.) Ha still has green eyes, they’re just much more muted like real life green eyes.

Jason I've still yet to decide if he should be bald like the 80s films or have tasseled longer blond hair like the reboot. But either way he has of course a facemask cuz that just fits so well in replacement of his hockey mask and 2020 and all. And definitely extremely Bulky with very monochromatic clothes. Hoodies, big shirts, sweatpants and bulky jeans. Very plain lookin man if it wasn’t for how huge he was. Probably has a hood over his head a lot since lil baby tries to hide his face as much as possible.

So I imagine:

It’s sorta both and AU and Canon divergence. Where Freddy, (just like in Freddy VS Jason movie) is trying to get people to remember him so that he can murder in dreams once again. And his plan: Is to muster enough powers to give himself a non-burnt corporal form (surprisingly though, he *doesn't* look like his previous self, but more of a reimagining of how he looks like *now*). So he can walk in the real life world in q disguise. It takes a lot of power though so he can only do this for a few hours.

While Jason on the other hand got a second chance at life, but only if he had to forget *everything* about his previous one. His killings, the camp, and of course that includes Freddy. He grows up in the semi-modern world (probably as a millennial), still with his mom, and still mute and buff as ever though. The only difference being that he actually learned ASL in this life, although uses it sparingly. How did this resurrection and second chance at life happen? Idk, magic? Use your imagination.

Queue modern-ish AU of Freddy bumping into Human Jason, recognises him immediately but Jason doesn’t recognise him. When Freddy realises this, he mischievously plans on taking revenge by trying to get close to this Jason and then killing him in betrayal. Unbeknownst to him some feelings might bubble up to the surface.

[maphel-n-doodles]

Some shitty dads and one (1) stressed out son

[nyxnygma]

Pfffft Nerds ~Marko&Paul

[Marko x Fem!Reader x Paul]

Summary: After finding out that your type is the complete oppisite of them, Paul and Marko get jealous when you introduce them to your nerdy friend

Warnings: cursing, sexual innuendos, jealousy, pet names, poly relationship,teasing

!!NOT PROOF READ!!

A/N: I kept nearly making Y/N very northern English (like me) so I will definitely be writing a headcannon with this. I also need a some sort of fruity fic as I’m lookin hella straight.

Masterlist

“Hey Babe,” Paul grinned as he stepped through my bedroom with ease, Marko right behind him.

“Jeez Paul,” I huffed, the loud thud of my window opening frightened me. “One day your gonna give me a fucking heart attack.”

He giggled mischievously in response as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into a kiss. Once Marko was also in my room he gave me a wink before kissing my cheek and pulling me into a hug. I was to busy loving Marko to realise Paul found my diary from two years ago.

“Dear Diary. Damien is so cute with his fluffy chocolate hair and nerdy glasses. All I want in life is for him to rant about how Mr Cahill is getting the Science equations all wrong to me all night long,” He was trying so hard not to burst out in a fit of hysterical laughter as he read from the pink fluffy notebook in his hands. “Your grammar is shite in this, Y/N”

“Paul..” I said embarrassed about him finding out about my old crushes. “Gimme the stupid diary.” I let go of the curly blond and started to walk to towards my other boyfriend.

“Hang on a minute!” Marko stepped in front of me. “I would love to hear more about this.”

“No you don’t,” I crossed my arms.

“Wait hang on Marko,” Paul eyebrows shot up in shock, “there’s other people here that babe had a thing for. By any chance did you like the nerdy people?”

My face turned a bright shade of red. It’s true. Marko and Paul were the complete opposite to those I usually go for. They wear leather jackets, flirty, charming, ride motorcycles, listen to rock and have a lot of confidence whereas I usually fall for the dorky, fluffy haired, glasses wearing geeky nerds.

“You really strayed off that path, huh?” Marko commented as he swung an arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek again. “I know nothing about science except there is a guy called Einstein.”

What I failed to mention was who were my friends.

The next night the three of us rode up to the Boardwalk with Dwayne and David, who we then ditched to snoop around some shops. We were walking out the vinyl shop after successfully finding an old Kiss ‘Dressed to Kill’ album when we bumped into a handful of my friends.

“Hello Y/N!” A short girl with orange curly hair greeted as she spotted me.

“Alexa? Hi!” I reciprocated the greeting. “Oh Paul, Marko, meet Alexa, Violet and erm..” I paused as I looked at the six foot tall brunette guy in front of me who was currently pushing up his glasses, “Damien.”

I saw my boyfriends face drop as they stared at the boy in front of me. From the passage in my diary I think they were expecting a acne covered short boy who wasn’t even that attractive but instead they were faced with a tall handsome man in a sweater vest. I didn’t still have a crush on my good friend, it only lasted about a month and I then moved onto this other nerdy person, but I know how jealous the boys can get.

“Hello,” they both responded, obviously trying not to rip the poor boy apart. My friends all smiled and smiled aged back.

The thing is my friends don’t exactly know I’m in a polyamorous relationship, I’m scared on how they would react, and Paul and Marko know about them not knowing and they used to be fine with it but I think they changed their minds after learning about Damien.

“I’m glad your here!” Damien blushed, “I’ve been meaning to get back to you on that book you learnt me and your right, The Damnation Game is such a good book!”

“Yeah. I knew you would like it,” I grinned. Paul wrapped an arm around my shoulders as he looked up at his much taller opponent.

“Wanna go get food with us? Marko and Paul can come along to,” Violet smiles.

“I would love to!” I replied before looking to my boyfriends, “do you wanna tag along to them.”

“Yep!” Marko smiled. Something was definitely off with them.

We all walked along the Board walk until we got the burger place, the blonde boys sticking to my sides like glue. When we are inside I sit next to Alexa expecting Paul or Marko to fill the seat beside me but instead I was met my Damien. I caught a glimpse of annoyance in my boys’ faces as they instead sat in front of me beside and awkward looking Violet.

“So how has your been? It feels like it’s been ages since we all hung out together,” Damien chuckled, stuttering slightly. I don’t blame him for acting scared when there was two bikers staring daggers at him.

“It’s been good, thanks,” I smiled back at him.

I spent the evening laughing and talking with my friends but Paul and Marko were almost silent all night, which was highly unusual for the energetic pair.

We were about to leave the diner to go on some last minutes rides when I asked them to wait for me so I could use the bathroom.

When I was done I exited the room to be faced with Damien looking nervous. “You alright there Damien?” I asked.

“Erm.. I have something to ask you,” he nervously stated as he pushed up the glasses on his face. “Will y-you go on a date with me? Maybe? It’s okay if you don’t want to but-”

“Oh I’m sorry Damien!” I interrupt. “I’m kinda already going out with someone. Believe me, if you told sixteen me I would have said yes but your a bit too late buddy.” I tried to laugh it off.

“Oh-” he began to speak again but was interrupted by to blondes walking up to us.

“Hey Babe,” Paul calls for me.

“We’re came to see if you were okay,” Marko smirked suspiciously as I blushed a bright shade of pink as he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into a passionate kiss. I was about to give them an angry glare, because they knew what was going on, but was caught on my Paul also pulling me into a kiss.

Afterwards, I looked at the poor boy in front of us who was between us with a shocked face. “I-I’m so sorry. If I had known that the three of you were.. y’know, I wouldn’t have asked.”

I could tell the boys were enjoying watch him panic. “Oh it’s fine don’t worry about it,” I smiled reassuringly. The boys weren’t helping the situation with them both touching me and smirking.

“I-I’m gonna go catch up with the girls,” he smiled sheepishly as he tried not to run out.

“God. Did you really have to do that?” I turn around to look at them.

“Your precious nerd was trying to steal you away, baby,” Marko pouts.

“You both are just a pair of big jealous babies, huh?” I sigh.

[criohfreeze]

Sexuality headcanons:

**I HAVE NOT READ THEIR LORE, I ONLY KNOW BASIC DETAILS**

Dwight — You cannot convince me this man is 100% straight. He's gotta be bi or pan or something

Claudette — a soft bisexual who adores frogs but doesn't make it her whole personality

Meg — she gives me straight vibes. Only a straight person would throw down Shack pallet at 5 gens.

Jake — Unlabled, he just doesn't care anymore. Whatever he feels he feels.

Nea — 1000% a lesbian. Hard-core lesbian.

Ace — He's bi. No way he's not.

Laurie — I don't know Laurie that well, don't come at me but I haven't watched the Halloween movies yet

Bill — I haven't played Left4Dead either but he seems straight

Feng — Bi but leaning towards women.

David — well he's confirmed gay so??

Tapp — aaa I don't know the licensed characters that well. He looks straight though. That pose in his profile is lookin a little suspicious but otherwise he's straight.

Ada — I love her but she's probably straight.

Rebecca — Why is this so hard?? Like I have no clue?? My gaydar is broken???

Kate — she's straight but not afraid to say when a gal is looking FINE

Adam — why do so many of them seem straight to me?? Is it just cause I don't know them that well?? Anyways Adam seems straight.

Jeff — he probably has a girlfriend that paints and loves his doggeh.

Jane — Bi, leaning towards men

Ash — I have no fucking clue.

Steve — a bisexual fucking wreck. Nancy? Pretty hot. Quentin? GODDAMN.

Nancy — Just like Steve. Steve? Pretty hot. But Robin???

Quentin — he's part of the trio. He's a bi mess, he likes Nancy (Holbrook) but Steve too, and it's just a mess.

Yui — hard-core lesbian.

Zarina — I know this isn't a sexuality but she seems like she's a demi-girl. Also probably but gay. She's just got that hair.

Cheryl — Cheryl just looks gay. She might have a boyfriend but maybe he's just a placeholder.

Felix — Happily bi. He had a wife that he loves very much but he's come to terms that he's never going to see her again(oh god the feels. I might start tearing up /gen) and he's also come to terms that he knows he likes men as well. He's bi but leans towards women.

Élodie — some form of gay, not particularly bi, but she definitely likes women.

Yun-Jin — a sassy gay woman.

Jill — again, I have absolutely no fuckung clue. She could like women but also maybe men?? Maybe??

Leon — fruity as fuck. How are you gonna be that sassy and sarcastic be be STRAIGHT?

Mikaela — she's a lil bit fruity. She's def said the phrase "you are what you eat" when someone called her a pussy

Jonah — straight. Only straight people or people who actually have something wrong with them like math.

Yoichi — he gives gay vibes.

Haddie — she seems fruity, I'm not sure to what degree, but she most likely likes women.

Vittorio — gay.

Edit: NEW CHARACTERS !! (edited Sunday, March 19th, 2023 at 9:52pm)

Thatalia — she seems pan

Renato — GAY ASF‼️‼️

[sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff]

Sukuna x fem!reader (I'm sorry I ain't got a fancy title this time around)

1427 words you are 23 in this fic Sukuna is 26

the key is as follows:

Y/N=your name (obvi)

let's get this party started SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESH

You wake up with a weird feeling around your nose. You begin to touch and feel a weird thing around it. You get out of bed and go to the bathroom, taking a tinkle and brushing your teeth. You look at yourself in the mirror and gasp. 

Oh shit. Is that… a nose ring????!!

You begin to try and remember what went down yesterday, and begin to blush when remembering the man you were with the entire time. 

Darn it Y/N, why did you go with that bitch to the party in the first place??

*****************************************FLAAAAAAAAAASHHHHHHHHBAAAAAAAAAACK********************************************************************

You just got back to your apartment after a long day of work. Sighing from exhaustion, you immediately went to your room to put on more comfy clothes. 

“Hey girl, how you feeling?” your equally tired roommate Nobara Kugisaki asked

“Dead tired, you?”

“Same”

“Hey, how's it going??” Your other roommate Maki

I looked her dead in the eye and said “I’m slowly dying inside”

“Girrrrl saaaaame”

“I’m going to guess Mai tried to screw you over again?”

“Yep same as always”

“Welp I’m going to go make some drinks anyone want anything?”

“I want the most fucked up drink you can make” Maki called out from the living room

“Got it one Viking’s Paradise, Nobara do you want anything?”

“I’ll have something fruity”

“Cool I’ll get you a fruit beer then”

I got to making the drinks and distributed them out

 “Cheers ladies to surviving another week”

“Cheers” We all drink away and play some games we got in our home. 

“You’re next maki” I say as she grabs the bottle and spins it

“Aight Y/N truth or dare”

“Dare easily”

“I dare you to get a piercing and a tattoo same sitting”

“Deal” 

With that, we all left for the best tattoo shop downtown called Curses and Silver

We walked in and immediately I'm hit with the smell of sanitary chemicals and the sounds of tattoo needles buzzing slightly in the distance

“Can I help you?” a voice curtly pipes up

I snap out of my daze and look down at the blank-faced seemingly bored and mildly infuriated blonde man

“ oh um… yeah I uh… Maki, can you help me out?”

“She-” referring to me “-is here to get a tattoo and piercing, you got anything open for tonight”

“Are you willing to wait 20 minutes?”

“Yeah we can wait”

The blonde stands up turns around, picks up the desk phone, and says “Fushiguro you’ve got a booking for a piercing and tattoo combo  in 20 minutes”

“Ok tell them to start thinking of what they want”

“Will do”

We were sitting for about 5 minutes when someone comes from behind the blonde (who we came to find out was called Nanami) and without even knowing we were there starts muttering angrily: 

“Ugh where the hell is that brat with my dinner”

“The delivery driver said they had a slight delay due to it being rush hour and the restaurant being slammed Sukuna”

“Urgh fine just let me know when it gets here”

And right then the tall, jacked, (frankly good lookin I might add), pink-haired man now known as Sukuna looks at our exhausted trio, looks us up and down then out of absolutely nowhere:

“Have these 3 been booked or something?”

“yeah, with Fushiguro in about 15”

“I could take ‘em right now”

“I thought you never took walk-ins”

“I’m making an exception just ‘cause I’m bored”

“Ok then the one you’re looking for is in the middle of this trio of young ladies”

“Wow you’ve got some balls kid”

“Eehhhhhh not really but ok”

He then makes a beckoning gesture with his finger as if to tell me to follow him

“Come on brat I ain’t got all night”

So I get up and follow him into one of the back rooms where he points at a chair

“Take a seat I’ll be right back”

As he leaves I take in my surroundings and I notice lots of pictures of hundreds, maybe even THOUSANDS of different VERY intricate tattoos all in only black.

And I realized right then that I need something that would show him, as an artist that I was equally creative in what I could think of

“Alright I’m back now tell me what you want and where you want it”

“Uh w-w-well I was thinking of a Berserker Rune on um my uh shoulder” “Got a reference?”

“Uh yeah, um th-this is what it looks like”

I then pull out my phone and show him the image and explain

“I am actually from a part of Norway that still lives in the Viking ages as far as culture is concerned and this is the closest thing I could think of that resembles the rune brandings of those who have them”

“Are you fine with me altering the design on this picture to match what you described?”

“Uh yeah sure”

“Ok so this will probably take 2 hours give or take”

“O-ok”

He then gets started by prepping the area and from there the rest is history on that front

***2 HOURS LATER***

“Ok don't fucking scratch it, don’t touch it, and put this on it” he says as he hands me a bottle of this lotion stuff

“Will do-”

“And I want you to come back next week so I can check the healing process”

“Ok”

I look at him in disbelief. He’s hot but, there’s no way I was going back to this sussy store. 

“I am sorry, but i actually have plans next week”

He looks at me in confusion and takes a step towards me.

“But what would happen if you get infected?”

I look at him in cold dark eyes.

“I can handle it. Also my friend is good at medicine. I think he can handle it.”

He looks away from me. Mad when I said my friend was a boy. 

“Besides I also do the extra necessary touch-ups on top”

“Fine I’ll do it”

“Now onto your piercing”

Shit I totally forgot about that

“Oh yeah”

“How in the hell did you forget what you literally paid for?”

“I don’t know. Shut up.”

“Tsk just, tell me where you want it”

“Uhhhh I was thinking of a um…septum”

“Color?”

“Uuuhhhh… silver?”

“Ok”

He then pulled out a weird lookin tube and a long metal  needle looking thingy and some odd looking… forceps?

“K this is going to hurt like a bitch, you have been warned.”

He then clamps the forcep thingy around my septum and immediately I go into panic mode and start subconsciously hyperventilating

“Oi deep breaths brat”

“I c-c-ca-an-’t”

“Come on you’ve made it this far”

“W-wh-wh-a-at i-i-i-if-f~”

“Oi being a little coward won’t make this go any faster brat”

He sighs, lifts my chin with a black gloved finger, and then looks into my eyes

“Will it help if there’s a distraction”

“M-m-mayb-be?”

Sukuna then stops what he is doing and proceeds to strip off his clothes??!!

“Whoa!” you say, looking at his abs and how everytime you touch him, you get this feeling.

“All done”

“What?”

“I finished”

I looked and realized that he did in fact finish. I look at my self in the mirror, and gasped.

The septum piercing made me look so badass, and I sighed in real life that I finished. I look at Sukuna and give him the money. As I was about to leave the store, he grabbed my wrist.

“Hey, wait”

I looked at him flinching a little, as he grabbed it. 

“W-what?”

He looked surprised at my surprise to his touch. He looked at me again and proceeded to link his fingers with mine. I close my eyes, dark memorise flooding through my brain. 

“Hey, whats wrong?”

I coward to the ground, gasping for air.

“Y/N, its ok. Just breathe”

I look over at him, and follow his instructions. 

Deep breath in, deep breath out. 

I calmed down, but my fingers still shaking. I then, with little strength, rush out of the store, Sukuna yelling me to come back, but I refuse to listen. I am never going back, not after what happened. Also no way in fuck would I have forgotten anything. But I doubled check my bag, and I have everything. I sigh in relief and head back home. 

PART 2 COMING SOON

[doolkat]

G5 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

My thoughts! (cute pic added so it wont be just boring text)

So I just saw the movie.

I been waiting for this ever since it was announced. I gotta say I was skeptical about it first but now Im like 'huh I see"

General : lighthearted movie with good music.

Plot : mediogre, I wanted to know more what happend!?

Questions :like SUNNYS DAD??? he died HOW??? HOW.. WHY WERE THE placements in his house..? Why did everyone start hating each other? What happend to Twilight and her friends?

Im sure everyones ASKING these question and I feel like movie should had covered this but maybe its a work for the show.

Thoughts : I really loved the animation! outstaniding and so many refernces and little clues every where that Im not sure I picked these up. So much to notice! The FREAKING pinup calender of Hitch.. GAY... and yeH This leads me to thibk that they are adults like in their 20s? like why else would there be that kind of joke or idk. After all Sunny lives alone too and Izzy? Also Sprout literally has the man child vibes so I doubt they are really young. Late teens at max I think! THE GUARDS were so cute and funny.Dont mind if i SHIP em lol. Also Sprout lowkey gay we all know that. Their worlds were really pretty and I liked how funny sterotypes they all had of each other. The music was so good. Sprouts song is the best!! The ending makes me think SUNNYS wings and horn arent permanent. They were see threw so yeah that wont be a thing in the show so I dont think non of us need to scream about that. Really have so much questions and movie answered so little that it makes me think what did the movie told us? I did really enjoy it but did it explain enough about their current world to us? No absolutely not!

Unicorn/Pegasi/Earth pony:

Another intresting thing to note is how unicorns who use to be higher class ones in g4 are now primitive nations. They live in woods and didnt seem to have any tehnology ? They seem to be like this "hipster" society that lives in woods and collect crysthals and read poems. Anything to just get their time off. Earth ponies have a powerful propaganda going on. A very dictatorship kind of way of thinking. They all work as a little town society like all the tribes but earth ponies propaganda to hate and be scared of unicorns and Pegasi seems much stronger. Their society seems to me like a little town community kind of. They have some technology- doesnt seem to have smartphones but they have movies and other things. Pegasi seems to be most obssed with tehnology and celerbtiy and gossip media. Much like canterlot use to be with lots celebrities and higher class ponies. I guess they just needed soemtjing cuz they lost their abilty to fly so they all came obssed with royal family and celebrities and gossip culture. What im saying each tribe had their own way of coping with things. To unicorns this seemed to be the most hurtful because they had no "fake" hope like the Pegasi had who thought royal family only could fly.

Characthers: Im gonna get hate for this but I really liked Sprout? like I know he is man baby but I thought the dictator ship kind ruling was pretty funny and well he just wanted to make his mom proud. I liked that his mom wasnt insane either? like she saw that the power was getting to his head. Speaking of moms Queen Haven is icon. I like her. She just likes glamour and camera. Nothing wrong with that. I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW THAT THEY HAD GOLDEN JAIL. Pegasi are clearly very wealthy. Zipp to me in this movie was the weakest characther? she barely had any moments of her own. Pipp had more mean energry than i thought like I thought she was gonna be literally like OMG SLAAAY QUEEN YASSS all the time but she gladly wasnt. Im looking forward more to see both of the sisters and their differnces. Kinda reminds me of me and my sister tbh one is all about fashion and expensive things in life and I am well.. I like more earthy things. So im lookin forward seeing those two interact the most.Hitch was pretty cool. He is like mix of applejack and fluttershy. I like him, not bad at all but very charming and clearly adored in town. Ok now the best SUNNY AND IZZY!! they are kinda... fruity hehzhejdjej I MEAN NOT STRAIGHT but also I love how I could see them as literally soulmates in friend way.. the latern thing.. that was so sniff.. I CRIED OK.. SHRED SINGLE TEAR. anywayd Im glad Izzy isnt RANDOM XD RAWR kinda pony I thought shed be. Will see how they are treated later. SUNNY is just precious also SOCIALIST AF.. bruh zjejs idk how I feel about that like she has that vibe love and tolerance to all but it could go so wrong. But Im glad she didnt loose optimism fully in end! She is previous.

The plot is how it is so ILL give this movie solid 8/10. Enjoyable!

Anyways in general I think the movie was good! Go watch it. if not for anything else then the visuals and songs are really good!

[gainerstories]

Professor Plump

*UNLOCKED*

As a big fat thank you to everyone who has supported this blog and enjoyed my stories, I am unlocking one of my favorite stories off Patreon. This has been a rough year for everyone and y’all enjoy a little treat. Of course, if you want more (20+ more fattening stories in fact) you know where to go. Enjoy. 

As much as Robert Daniels loved being a professor, he woke up full of dread on the first day of fall semester. At 28 he was the youngest tenure track faculty in his department and he often felt that all eyes were on him. His first academic year had been rough, exhausting, and tiresome and he wasn’t ready to get back in the game. He just wanted his beautifully sunny and lazy summer vacation to last one or two more months.

As he sat up in bed his belly spilled forward pushing down his morning wood. There was no doubt he’d gained quite a bit of pudge in the last few months. It didn’t bother him, however, as most of his colleagues were plump and he viewed extra weight as a sign of contentment and maturity. During the school year he had actually lost weight from stress and being overworked. His new, rounder form lent a sense of satisfaction.

As Robert stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom to shower he took a close look at himself. He’d be turning 29 soon and was finally starting to look like a man. His face had grown scruffy and his chest hair finally bloomed across his pecs and down to his puffy stomach. The thirty pounds of fat that clung to his belly also gave him a more mature look. He was now firmly within “dad bod” territory and wore that badge with pride. He scooped his fat up with both his hands and gave it a hearty jiggle. He wondered if anyone on campus would comment on his somewhat weight gain.

Turning around, Robert examined his rear which was now fluffy and dimpled with cellulite. He noticed that even his ass had grown a bit hairier along with a small patch of fuzz on his lower back, framed between two bulging love handles. He could recall seeing the same patch on his father and wondering if the same was in store for himself. This memory cemented his perceived transition into manhood.

Robert’s thighs had also thickened up a bit and now touched when he was standing straight. He rubbed his thighs and gave them a slap, admiring how they bounced. Lately, he had no choice but to manspread when he sat down. Crossing his legs was a thing of the past. The added weight on his lower half gave him a sense of groundedness. All around the extra pudge made him feel strong and unshakable, despite jiggling quite a lot when he actually did shake.

Most of this excess poundage had been accrued during a month long cruise down Central America. Robert had spent almost every single day getting tipsy on fruity blended drinks and satisfying his drunchies from dusk ‘til dawn at the buffet. Carbs became his best friend, soaking up the sugary alcoholic concoctions he guzzled during the day. Altogether, cruise life was a much needed respite from the long nights of grading papers and doing research during the academic year.

His salary did not allow him to indulge in fancy foods very often, and so this cruise was an opportunity to go hog wild. He made a conscious decision to eat and live like a king. As a result, he began to notice his body expanding only midway through the trip. It seemed as though out of nowhere he had grown a squishy paunch that jutted out behind his shirts. By the end of the vacation he was even larger, noticing fat accumulating all over his body.

As he stood in front of his bathroom mirror, Robert found himself particularly fascinated by the small white stretch marks that had formed at the top of his inner thighs. He traced his fingers over their subtle indentations. He hadn’t seen fresh stretch marks since puberty when his shoulders expanded overnight one summer. He was shocked to see the same thing happen simply from overeating on a long vacation.

Plump, tan, and satisfied, Robert stepped into the shower with vigor and began to get ready for his first day back to work. He trimmed his wild scruff back to a presentable shadow and styled his hair. He then slipped into underwear that clung more than usual to his meaty rump and resultantly compressed his bulge more than usual. He would have to remember to buy some new pairs. T-shirts had also grown a bit snug but this was not a huge concern for they would be hidden behind a button up. What he hadn’t considered was that his button ups from last year would also struggle to fit around his new body.

Robert sucked in his gut while doing each button. He let his stomach spill forward and was shocked at just how much the shirt did not fit. Scrambling through his closet he found the loosest button up he owned and put it on. It was still snug and would definitely be strained when he sat down, but it would have to suffice. Next, he slid into his stretchiest pair of chinos and was instantly filled with anxiety.

The fabric clung to his thighs and ass leaving little to the imagination. This would have been tolerable except for the fact that the waistband would not button no matter how hard he tried. With no other option, Robert scrounged a safety pin from the utility drawer and fastened the pants closed. Donning one of his bulkier belts he hoped no one would notice he’d outgrown his pants.

His day commenced with a faculty meeting catered with coffee and pastries. Although he had eaten a breakfast sandwich immediately upon getting to campus, he grabbed a healthy looking danish for the meeting. It was dry and mediocre as campus food tended to be, but that didn’t stop him from inhaling it within minutes. A few of his colleagues eyed his bulging waistline although no one made a comment.

Midway through the two hour meeting Robert found that his stomach was already growling to be fed. With no other choice, he would have to eat another Danish despite the fact he would be the only one going for seconds. He stood to grab one more danish and as he sat down he heard the unmistakable noise of a seam busting. Praying no one else heard, he subtly reached down to his thighs where a small hole had formed.

After the meeting he headed straight to the bathroom to examine the damage. It wasn’t too bad, maybe just an inch or so large. Plus, his underwear matched his pants so it was barely noticeable. He figured he could get through the day without anyone noticing. Although no one noticed the tear in his pants, his students were fully aware of his newfound growth.

“Mr. Daniels lookin’ THICK,” someone commented before his first class began.

Robert ignored the comment and got on with his lecture. Still, in the back of his head he worried about his appearance and snug outfit. There was no question he would be investing in some new work clothes. By the end of the class he was hungry once again. At least it was lunch time, so he felt justified in heading to the student union for a big meal. He grabbed a massive burrito, chips and guac, a cookie, and large soda which he brought back to his desk.

Such a filling lunch was exactly what he needed. The food was comforting and satisfying, giving the plump professor a sense of peace. After scarfing it all down he leaned back in his chair and sighed. Just as he did so two buttons on his shirt went shooting across the room. “Fuck,” he said aloud to himself and went searching for the buttons so he could sew them back on. As he knelt on his hands and knees he felt the contents of his belly slosh forward and the seam of his pants rip even further.

Eventually, he found the missing buttons and broke out the sewing kit to get them back on. By the time he was finished stitching himself back into his clothes, there was someone knocking at his door. He’d forgotten about office hours. In a mad rush he cleaned the food wrappers off his desk and greeted the student. As he sat back down at his desk the same two buttons snapped back off and shot under his desk. Although the student overtly stared at Robert’s bulging gut, filled to the brim with his fattening lunch, neither of them acknowledged the embarrassment.

After the student left, Robert took off the button up and slipped his spare sport coat over his tee. The tee was more than a little snug and definitely didn’t hide much- the indentation of his belly button was fully visible- but it would have to do. After a constant stream of students over the course of an hour Robert rushed to his next class. The lecture left Robert feeling exhausted and tired. It was evening and he had grown peckish again, so he decided to grab a bite to eat before he had a meeting with the dean and could go home.

Hawaiian barbecue sounded like a good idea when he ordered it. However, after gobbling up every last morsel, the young professor felt uncomfortably full and bloated. He yearned for to return to the cruise ship where he could take a long nap after overindulging, but instead he sluggishly headed to the dean’s office. His belly had swelled considerably with the Hawaiian food and he found himself having to stretch the hem of his shirt down to ensure his gut was fully concealed.

Once inside, Robert cautiously took a seat in one of the rickety old chairs in the waiting room for the dean. After a few seconds he felt a snap underneath his ass as the seat of the chair gave way. Trying to be as subtle as possible, Robert cautiously lifted himself from the broken chair and casually examined a painting on the wall until the dean greeted him.

Once inside, the dean offered him a home baked muffin that his wife had made. Robert tried to refuse at first but the dean pushed it on him. He began pecking at the muffin and realized it was indeed quite moist and delicious. He polished it off in a couple minutes and resisted licking his fingers. By the end of the meeting the dean persuaded Robert to take one more muffin for the road. Without a second thought, Robert greedily snatched the biggest muffin of the bunch.

As he walked through the campus at night, illuminated by lanterns, Robert gobbled up the muffin while reflecting on the fact that he was in desperate need of a new wardrobe. His belly was stuffed to capacity and the sheer weight of it bulging out in front of him forced Robert to walk slow and steady with his shoulders back and hips forward. Freed from his constricting button up, his rounded gut peeked out from behind the sport coat and wobbled back and forth with each step to his car.

The walk seemed longer than usual, likely because he was slower than usual. Somewhat winded, Robert couldn’t wait to sit down as he opened the door to his hatchback. However, as he did so, a booming snap assaulted his ears and he felt his belly spill forward into his lap. Robert’s belt had completely snapped in half while the thigh of his pants simultaneously split all the way open from knee to crotch. His girth was simply too much to contain.

At least it happened at the end of the day, he told himself.

[geminidentitycrisis]

The Scent of Leather and Hairspray

Present Mic/Hizashi Yamada x F!reader ONESHOT

(WARNINGS! - swearing)

---------

Sooooooo, I have a new favorite Pro, I guess haha

I hope you enjoy, and if you're underage, pretend you're older because I get it, I'd be Hot For Teacher too, but he's not a pedo sorry......

----------

You sighed as, upon exiting the store where you just purchased a frozen drink, the men you passed to enter that store started catcalling you. Just what you needed at the end of a rough day...

"Hey Honey, you'd be cuter if you smiled...!"

"Don't listen to that shit, babygirl, you're sexy as hell, c'mere and hang out a while...?"

Ignoring them the best you could, you kept walking, but they didn't take that very well. "You think you're too good for us, that it, stuck up bitch? Where you think you're goin'?"

You could hear their footsteps approaching behind you and turned to face them after sipping from your drink.

"Guys, please, I've had a hell of a day today and my quirk would probably scar you both for life and what do you say we just don't do this, huh?"

They exchanged glances before fixing you with threatening glares. "You think you're tough, babygirl? We'll see how tough you are when we get through teaching you some respect..." the first one said.

"HEY!"

A voice called from behind you and suddenly an arm was draped gently around your neck. You froze, being caught off guard tended to prompt a panic response when you were so tired.

You smelled leather and an overwhelming scent of hairspray.

"What's the trouble, my homies? Pretty sure ya heard the lady, she ain't jammin' to the vibe ya layin' down, ya dig? Beat it."

Heart skipping a beat or two, your eyes grew wide and a blush flooded your cheeks. "That voice...?!"

You whipped your head up to see the one and only Present Mic.

"Ah! I knew it! I knew I recognized your voice, I catch your radio show every day! You're the Sound Hero, Present Mic!" he flashed a grin down at you, winking.

"Oooh, you've got good ears, Listener! Thanks for Hypin' me up like that! Always great ta meet a FAAAN!" he responded in his commentator voice.

One of your would be tormentors interrupted angrily. "Hey, peacock head, why don't you mind your business?"

"PEACOCK...?! You boys best get ta steppin', aight?! Don't make me beat you up in fronta this pretty girl!" he replied in annoyance after his attention was so aggressively stolen from you.

The blush came back in full force and you couldn't contain a dreamy sigh as your lashes fluttered, eyes lidding contentedly now that you felt safe again.

*he said I was pretty~!* you thought.

"You believe this banana hair lookin' motherfucker? You're about to get your ass whooped, fruity!" the other threatened.

"Hey bro, watch your language! There's a lady here!" with the arm around your shoulders, Mic carefully raised it and guided you behind himself as the two started walking towards you both.

"Enough..."

Another voice came suddenly from the other side of the parking lot and everyone, with the exception of the blonde who was guarding you, turned to see Eraserhead.

Suddenly these jerks weren't so confident.

"Get lost, both of you, and go straight home or I'll bring the two of you in right now for loitering and harassment." he said calmly but with deep authority.

Mic crossed his arms, glaring at the duo as they ran off after a mere moment of hesitation, his cheeks puffed out slightly. "What a couple creepozoids! You okay, Pussy Cat...?" he quickly spun around to check you out, striking a dramatic pose while pointing at you, the trademark grin already back in place.

You smiled up at him with admiration sparkling in your eyes, clasping the cup you held in both hands and tight to your chest, stepping closer to him.

"Yes, thanks to you! You're my Hero~!"

Mic felt his own chest swell with pride a bit, the grin on his face getting bigger as he relaxed his stance and shoved his hands in his jacket pockets.

Usually by now the damsel has already flung herself on Aizawa, but not only were you praising him, you recognized him from just his voice and he was impressed at that.

"I can't believe I was just rescued by my favorite Pro, I am your #1 fan! Please, are you patrolling the city tonight? Please let me buy you a coffee or tea or something?? Just as a thank you...?"

Hizashi laughed rather loudly, one hand emerging from his pocket to be placed over his chest.

"HAHA! Aaaww, how can I say NO when you ask so sweetly?! Coffee sounds like a rockin' idea right about now!"

"Ugh, we don't have time for this, Mic..." Eraserhead complained tiredly.

Eyes rolling in exasperation, the blonde groaned twice as loud. "ugGHHH!! Don't be such a buzzkill, yo! I'll get you one, too, just chill!" with that, he trailed after you back into the store.

You watched as he doctored up the coffee you poured for him, blushing again when he threw a hint of a smirk your way, using the tip of his finger to lift the gold tinted shades he wore and showing you his emerald green eyes. "Don't worry, I'll pay for my boring friend..."

Smiling, you bounced on your heels. "Damn right you will, I'm not HIS fangirl, after all..."

This promoted a slight blush to his face, but he maintained that knockout grin. "Ha! Well, good thing his best friend is here at least, lucky for him I tagged along tonight, huh??"

"Lucky for both of us..." came your soft reply from over your shoulder as you turned to walk away, your hips swaying temptingly had definitely not escaped his notice.

He followed you to the checkout counter and placed some money beside yours, his ungloved fingertips brushing against your own when he does. Leaning down closer to you, he cocked his head, pushing his shades down his nose this time and raising a brow.

"Does my #1 fan have a name...?"

Your smile bloomed again, blushing up at him. "It's  _______...but I might prefer you calling me Pussy Cat...~"

Saying that last bit, you applied a sensual undertone which he picked up on instantly, making his blush spread over his face and grow darker as he chuckled in amusement.

When you guys walked out the door, you noticed Eraserhead seemed really annoyed but tried to ignore him, looking up at the Voice Hero hopefully.

"Listen, I know you're both busy, but if you have just one more second to spare, I can't tell you how much it would mean to me if I could get your autograph..."

Looking away awkwardly, he made a pained expression. "Aw, man, I dunno, we are kinda in a hurry here and stuff..."

You felt your heart sinking when he startled you with another loud laugh. "Hahaha, gotcha! JK! Of course I will, I ain't gonna leave ya hangin' like that, no way, that ain't my STYYYYYYYYLLLE!"

Giddy with excitement, you let out a tiny squeal, quickly fishing out a small notebook and pen from your purse as he set the cups down. When you handed it to him, his fingers brushed yours again, making you bite tenderly at your bottom lip.

They were so warm and soft...

He had started to whistle a cheerful little tune as he spun the pen between his fingers before starting to write in your book, it took longer than you expected, clearly longer than Eraser expected, too.

"Say goodbye to the girl, Mic, it's time to keep moving!" he didn't yell, exactly, too lazy, but he had raised his voice since last.

"YEAH, YEAH, I HEARD YA!!! Gimme a sec, ALRIGHT?!" the volume of the blonde's reply actually made your eardrums flinch and quiver this time, but you smiled anyway as he defended you again.

"There ya go! And hey, just to spite my buddy over there, I wouldn't mind walkin' ya home ta make sure ya get there safe."

The blush came right back, clutching the book to your heart, you gave a weak smile. "No, no, it's okay, really...I took up too much of your time already, and I only live around the corner from here..."

Eyes closing momentarily while you gathered yourself, you took a deep breath before confessing. "...I cannot express how grateful I am for you...not just for saving me tonight, but also for your talk show, hearing your voice over the radio gives me strength and motivation every week...it means the world to me...thank you..."

Beckoning him by flexing a finger, you stood on your tiptoes and pressed a sweet kiss against his cheek when he leaned in curiously.

Eyes widening, his whole face became scarlet red and his grin stretched from ear to ear. "AW, YEAH!"

He jumped, pumping his fists in the air and then proceeded to shoot you with his finger guns while  winking again. "Listen, I dropped my digits on that piece'a paper ya got there, Shawty...hit me up sometime if ya wanna chill! I'm down for whatever!"

You were caught off guard by that and checked the page he signed for you, finally reading what he wrote down as he rambled on as background noise about how he wasn't a creep like those other guys and you could say no without worrying about him making a scene, he just had to shoot his shot, I mean you DID kiss ME first ya know...

"For my #1 fan, _______...Thanks for the coffee and stay outta trouble! ...and maybe call or shoot a txt, if your feelin' this funky vibe, too? Live loud, Pussy Cat ;) don't ever let anyone try an put the mute on ya! XOXOX PRESENT MIC!!!"

Followed by his phone number, and there were little hearts drawn around the page.

You were already blushing when he surprised you again by returning your gesture and swooping in to plant a kiss on your cheek this time.

Reaching up to touch the spot, you smiled up at him shyly. "I can't wait...please be safe out there..."

"You got it! SEE YA SOON!" The Pro nodded vigorously, giving an enthusiastic wave of goodbye before grabbing his and Eraserhead's drinks, practically bouncing with every step.

It made you giggle, but you were trying not to get your hopes up too much. For all you knew, he gave his number out to every girl that asked him for a signature.

"Are you happy now...?" Shouta grumbled, taking the cup being offered as he turned to resume patrolling. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! HECK YEAH I AM! I'M ON CLOUD NINE RIGHT NOW, I JUST MET MY FUTURE WIFE!!!!!!!!"

You heard him very clearly, the blush traveling all the way down your neck this time, and you couldn't help another small giggle, your heart fluttering with happiness like the wings of the butterflies in your belly.

He just had that effect on you.

Glancing down at the notebook in your hand as you sipped your quickly melting frosty, you noticed in the bottom right corner was a little arrow, below which was written the word "flip".

You looked up again but the two Pro Heroes were already gone.

Curiously, you flipped over the page.

MARRY ME?!?!!

a. YES!!!!!

b. a

c. b

That smooth sonuvabitch had you blushing and giggling all night.