#a tomorrow problem

[bakvrue]

Man i had one good night where i wrnt to sleep at a good time and woke up at a good time and it went to my head. Now I'm awake at 3:30 😐 i played myself

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

[egophiliac]

this started as a reply to someone (a million years ago) (I am so sorry) and then very quickly got out of control, as these things do. so...uhhh....here's everyone else at Playful Land!

sorry

[potatobugz]

objects loving objects baby!!!!

[concentfortea]

[cubbihue]

“He knows Timmy will come around eventually. It's only a matter of waiting for his clock to run out. And HP is very patient.” Hey uh.. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN HIS CLOCK TO RUN OUT is he waiting for Timmy to become a full fairy (Pixie?) and when that happens Timmy forgets about being a human entirely?

Sometimes Timmy wonders why he has grudges against certain fairies. Some of them, he can understand- like his dislike of Dr. Rip Studwell. But other ones, like with Cupid, it's a bit of a blur.

He must've been a very very vindictive 10 year old! Ah, well! Timmy's learned that he has to pick and choose his own battles wisely.

And uh. Fighting with the man who decides his paycheck and vacation days is not a battle worth choosing. Talk about a hostile work environment!!

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[tsuchinokoroyale]

Gee willikers I am not good at this game 😮‍💨

[reloaderror]

[spectre-draws]

Calling this one done. Grape soda version coming at some point.

[pinksilvace]

Inspired by And Through You I Feel Respite Yet Rest Alludes Me Still by @pepsiiwho

[sylvrndoodles]

[b4kuch1n]

simulated earth (it does not matter)

transcript

[ivyontheholodeck]

So I watched the dnd movie,

[maurythehormonemonster]

Kinktober day three. Choking - Kyle Garrick // (fem! reader)

CW: headlock (idk if that is something to tag, but I gotta cover all the bases), oral (f! recieving), unprotected pinv

THIS IS LATE! currently almost 2am on October 4th but i did it!! (i am going to pass out right after pressing post)

had major problems writing this because I kept going back and forth on making it sub Gaz!! (i love sub gaz sm need that man whiny in my lap)

Maury's masterlist

  You and Kyle were having an inside date night. Ordered some food, made some popcorn, put on a good horror movie, and cuddled up next to each other on the couch. His arm was wrapped around you, holding you close, while you stared intensely at the movie, your hands curling into his shirt when the music hit a crescendo. 

  It was a good movie, no one could deny that, but Kyle’s mind was elsewhere. 

  Something’s been plaguing his mind all week. After Johnny wouldn’t shut up about this little bird he chatted up, telling all of them how pretty she sang when he wrapped his hand around her throat while he was “balls deep” as he put it.  

  He looked down at you, how you hid your face in one of your hands. You were too perfect for your own good, Kyle didn’t want to hurt you, didn’t know if you would be into it so he refrained from even asking. 

  The thought just wouldn’t leave him alone though! Having you all splayed out for him, wearing nothing but his hand as a fucking necklace. It was driving him mad. 

  He tugged you closer, leaning his head atop of yours. “You scared, dove?” He asked with a chuckle, which you responded to by hitting his chest, glaring up at him. 

  “You weren’t even paying attention! The demon hopped off of the closet!” You huffed. He could only laugh at your response before you both fell into a comfortable silence again. 

  He tried to pay attention, he really did! His mind just kept wandering off. He hesitated before taking a deep breath and looking down at you again. “I have a question.”

  You pried your eyes away from the movie to stare at him. “What’s up?” You inquired with a slight tilt of your head. You could almost sense the worry, Kyle’s pretty brown eyes closing for a moment before he finally got his courage. 

  “Johnny was talking about something, and I wanted to try it.” He cleared his throat before sitting up against the arm of the couch, dragging you with him. He saw your eyebrow raise and could practically see all the things that he could possibly be talking about pile into your head. 

  “Oh yeah? What is that?” Your hands cupped his cheeks, rubbing your thumbs over his smooth skin. That sentence could mean a hundred and one things.. Soap was a fella to say the least. 

  “Wanted to try choking.” Your mouth opened and closed, cheeks heating up at his words. You both had dabbled in non-vanilla things prior, and this wasn’t even the tip of the iceberg with things people were into. 

  “Like me.. Choking you.. Or-” You trailed off, and Kyle only shook his head. “Me choking you. Johnny said that it feels like heaven when you cum without bein’ able to breathe properly.” You thought about it for a moment, biting the inside of your lip. You trusted this man with everything. You knew Kyle wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you, especially by his own hand. 

  “Okay.. I’ll bite, just your hand though.” You explained as he nodded, a smile growing on his face. 

  Within an instant you were flipped to your back on the couch. Kyle leaned over you with a big smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss you almost feverishly, one of his hands cupping your face while the other moved under your shirt, gripping at your tits a little rougher than he originally intended. 

  Your hands instantly moved to his shirt, running your hand into the bottom to run your soft fingers over his toned abs. A moan left your lips as he tweaked your nipple and Kyle ate it up like a man starved. He pulled away only when you tapped at his chest. 

  You sat up slightly to tug at your shirt, haphazardly tossing it somewhere in the room, leaving your top half completely exposed before you grabbed his, helping him remove it before you could even blink. 

  He leaned back over you, pressing kisses to your jaw and your chest. He stopped at the waistband of your shorts before tugging them down, bringing your underwear with them. 

  This is what he craved, at all times. His pretty girl spread out for him. “Gotta have a taste, dove.” He whispered into the plush fat of your thighs, running his teeth over them before he looked up at you. 

  You watched him with bated breath as he dived between your legs like a dog, instantly throwing your head back and letting out a breathy moan. One of your hands grabbed at his hair, tugging him towards you. 

  His eyes closed as he groaned into your cunt. Kyle’s soft hand slid up your stomach and up to your throat, wrapping his hand around it. Softly at first, almost as if he was testing the waters. 

  When you clenched around his tongue he took it as a sign to squeeze harder, making you throw your head back against the side of the chair. His nose brushed up against your clit, your legs already shaking. 

He pulled his tongue out of your weeping hole and sucked the nub into his mouth, subconsciously tightening his grip on your throat as your thighs squeezed his head like a vice. 

  The stimulation, mixed with the way your breathing was laboured from his unyielding grip on your neck was making you go dumb. Panting and scratching at his scalp for any sense of reality as your first orgasm hit you in a wave, white flashing in your vision. 

  Kyle didn’t let up, too lost in the way your legs shook around his head and the way you tasted so fucking sweet. He only pulled off when you started to whine, wiggling your hips to try and run from the overstimulation. 

  He sat back on his knees, pulling his hand back to pull his pants down revealing his painfully hard cock. Kyle nudged you, flipping your pliant body onto your stomach. 

  “Lift up for me, dove, come on.. Please.” He almost whined. Needing to feel you around his dick desperately. He could’ve finished right there, watching you arch your back, presenting your slick cunt for him. 

  He was on you in an instant, rubbing himself between your folds to get himself somewhat lubed up before pushing into you. Fuck. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he plunged himself into you, already hitting that spot inside you that makes you moan like a bitch in heat. 

 His thrusts were rough as he planted one foot on the floor for a better angle. He grabbed your arms and pulled your back up to his chest to whisper in your ear. “Feel so fucking good around me. God, dove.” 

  You repeated his name like a mantra as you screwed your eyes shut, completely missing when he wrapped his entire arm around your neck. You could hear his groans right next to your ear as he put you in a headlock. Your body acted in response, clenching down on him as the air was sucked out of your lungs. 

  Your hands tightened around his forearm and bicep, nails digging so deep into his skin they were bound to leave crescent shaped marks in their wake. 

  His free hand snaked in front of you, rubbing circles into your sensitive, swollen clit. The sensation made you twitch, but his grip kept you right where he wanted you. You couldn’t breathe right, but it was electrifying. It made you focus on the way his cock was hitting so deep inside you, you swore you could feel it in your tummy and the way his fingers expertly moved across your bud. 

  “I’m not going to last, dove-” He hissed through gritted teeth, his pace quickening. You could barely hear him, the sound of your own heartbeat in your ears intensifying as you struggled to inhale. 

  “One more- shit! Give me one more and I'll fill you up, c’mon- I know you can.” He bit his lip to supress what would be a pathetic whimper. 

  You felt the coil inside you snap at his final words. Your entire body quivering as your orgasm washed over you, a silent scream ripping through your chest. Kyle’s hips stuttered as he followed quickly after you, not being able to last with the way your cunt was gripping him. He shot his load deep inside of you with a moan, putting his head onto your shoulder. 

  Spots dotted your vision when you were finally released from his grip. Your body goes lax as you tumble forwards onto the couch, attempting to catch your breath. 

  Kyle doesn’t pull out, just turns you on your side and slides in behind you, pressing soft kisses to your shoulder while he checked in. When you  finally got yourself back together you gave him a verbal okay, curling into him, he finally allowed himself to relax fully, wrapping his arms around your body, keeping you warm. 

  He made a mental note to thank Johnny for telling him all about it.

[heathcliffgirl1847]

okay REAL funny guys

[kaeyacollection]

Who's ready for my Master Gaslight Gatekeep Girlboss Crepus Theory!!

I originally posted this over at Hoyolab and people there seemed to really like my favorite joke theory that Crepus just tries to gaslight the whole of Mondstadt right after obtaining Kaeya

Majority of this will be the same but with little tweaks for the wonderful tumblr audience

This joke stems from Kaeya's introduction:

and the use of the word "rumored"

Cause it's not like it said beyond Teyvat or the seven nations just Mondstadt

And I mean like c'mon how many families are living off the grid in Mondstadt

(Actually... Don't answer that I forgot Glory's boyfriend is just

Out there in the bush with Razor...)

Initially I had the idea of Crepus walking around the markets one day carrying Kaeya with Diluc beside him running into Varka who asks:

"Who's the boy?"

"You mean my son?"

"Not Diluc the boy you're carrying"

"I have two sons? You know this??"

But then the Caribert quest came out mentioning Kaeya ran away from home near immediately and was dragged home by Crepus just as fast and it became even funnier

Cause imagine you're by the docks one day and richest man in town gets off the boat with no cargo but instead a tiny child you may not have seen before that Crepus seems to be very cross with at the moment and threatening to turn him into a leash kid if he runs off again

In a small town that loves gossip do you know how fast that information is spreading? Cause I do and Varka's knocking on Crepus's door 30 minutes later like:

"Is this what we're doing? We're just taking kids now?"

Both paths lead to Varka asking where Kaeya comes from and getting hit with a

"I think you're a bit too old to still be confused about the birds and the bees Varka"

Varka getting frustrated to the point he just starts demanding Kaeya tell him what's up

Love to see him following in his fathers footsteps of stressing Varka the fuck out

And upon hearing how his birth father left for juice and didn't return Varka went

"Good! That was ALL I needed to know!!"

Follow ups on if his father intended to abandon him or got lost in the storm and needed a search party?

Don't care!! You weren't kidnapped!!

Welcome to the knights! 🤝

Which bringing it back to it only being a rumor

In a town of alcoholics, who's gonna call out the one guy with the winery?

Here's some add ons that got sparked from the comment section 😘

Bonus panels would have included Varka showing up with Rosaria one day mimicking Crepus about "wHaT you ForGot I haD a Kid" sparking a trend within the community of just adopting random children to the point posters are made saying "In Barbatos name: See a child Take a child"

Alice seeing it and pulling a "when in rome" tucking both Albedo and Diluc(who is yelling he is an adult) under her arms and telling Klee if she ever sees someone in need of a mom let her know she'll send over the paperwork right away

And then the last bonus: Venti wakes up, walks in through the gate while playing a tune, and stops when he sees the poster, not sure if he needs to start yet another revolution, or if this one is fine actually

I imagine the posters had to be taken down because visitors were losing their kids left and right and the solution of parents pinning a note saying "not dead & still want custody" to their kids shirt didn't catch on but the saying still lives strong in the hearts of Mondstadt's citizens I mean look Bennett and his 27 dads Mondstadt may have a lot of orphans but the demand is even higher

Comment on original post:

"I have a headcanon where Kaeya fooled first Crepus, then the rest of Mondstadt but.this is too funny!! I want to see this happening!"

Which prompted one of my new favorite lines at the end:

"Wait by fool Crepus first do you mean like Crepus finding him out in the storm bringing him inside to ask him where he lives and Kaeya's just

"? I live here? You adopted me? Are you feeling okay?"

Cause I'm absolutely cry laughing over this that's so good but that also means when Kaeya runs away Crepus is just

"hey no no l'm not misplacing you a second time come home" "