#a stranger helped me out after I've been struggling for months with a problem

[viirazu]

[majesticwren]

following this post this concept is now a fic, sorry not sorry. I'm struggling trust me. (help me)

a/n: guess who's back, back again? did you miss me? I surely missed this project :') so much. I do not expect much after I've disappeared for like 6 months but I am quite glad I've put my hands back on it. now let's all prey it sticks @dizzypenguinxd @michaelasfearless @kikigrl2951 tagging you guys only because I thought you might be interested in an update - no pressure

Trigger Warning/s: slow burn (?) but is it, childhood friends to lovers, depiction of toxic relationships, intimacy and commitment problems, childhood traumas, jealousy, possessiveness, physical and verbal abuse, bullying, hints of anti-semitism, everyone is a walking red flag, angst, fluff, smut.

Masterlist Playlist

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part V

Chapter 4.

Stella stood silent and unmoving in front of a building she had never felt so unwelcoming before. 

She felt so cold. Shivers ran up and down her spine spreading through her muscles, shaking her. Her hair stood up on the back of her neck. Her skin was crumpled by goosebumps. However, she suspected it wasn’t because of the low temperature that had dropped through the night. It was a different kind of cold she felt through her flesh. It didn’t matter how much she tried to warm up, Stella felt it deep inside her bones.

Her feet were throbbing caged in those uncomfortable heels. But there was a layer of numbness coating over her emotions leaving her feeling detached and muffled, even from pain.

It was the shock. She knew it. 

She felt more like a ghost than a real person. 

The longer she looked at herself through the reflecting surface of the sleek glass covering the entire building, the more she couldn’t recognise herself. That other woman wasn’t her. She looked out of place. Scared to her bones. Lost. Only a shadow of the woman she knew to be.

Stella truly wanted to be mad. She had every reason to be absolutely enraged towards the man who dared to make her feel so small, insignificant and fragile. But her anger was muted, like every other emotion.

She was hugging her bag high to her chest, both like a shield and because it was her most valuable possession at the moment. That and her damn shoes.

She had run barefoot on the cold concrete of the sidewalk for a few blocks. She ran for an indefinite amount of time, getting as much distance and turns between herself and the violence she had left behind. She had run until she had finally felt safe enough to stop and catch her breath. That was the moment Stella had crumbled on herself as her adrenaline started to wear off and panic set through. 

She could still feel how the cold night air had burned through her chest. 

Her body still felt so sore and shaken. It hurt even in places that weren’t hit. It was hurting all over. Her head still felt heavy, but at least her pounding pain had started to wear off. And she wasn’t bleeding, that was a good thing too.

The skin on her face was on fire as hot tears cut through her cheeks leaving red marks behind. She couldn’t stop crying. As soon as she managed to get on a taxi, barely feeling safe closed up in the space of a backseat, despair hit her. 

She had just never felt so lost and alone, surrounded by a detached city like only Manhattan could be. It was one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and yet, that night, as cold crept through its streets, lit by all its pretty lights, it felt far from home.

“Miss?” The sudden stranger’s voice breaking the flow of her thoughts surprised her. Or better, startled her. “Can I help you?” Even though his tone was gentle, Stella still flinched and took a step back, looking for some distance between her and the doorman that approached her. 

She knew him. His name was Vanya. His voice was bent under a strong and familiar Eastern European accent. Somehow that helped her feel more at ease. 

He had been working there for years now. Always on the night shift. Higher pay, as he had said. She had known him ever since Max had moved into that building and consequentially, her visits became a usual occurrence. Although it didn’t sound like Vanya recognised her. Not yet at least. Funny that, she must have looked like a homeless person or a crackhead. Yeah. That was the one. A wonderer lost in the night off their heads on too much drugs. 

God, she must have been standing there for a long time if Vanya decided to finally go and check on her.

“Hi, Vanya,” she started, her voice was shaking and yet Stella still pushed out a smile, trying her best to pretend that everything was alright.

“Miss Stella?” His surprise was almost hurtful, “what has happened to you?” 

She raised her chin, swallowing the bile that had just come up her throat only thinking about it. She bottled it all up, doing what she did best, putting on a brave face. Stella tried to dry her tears, “Please,” she started, hiding her need to scream behind a soft tone. “I’d just like to go upstairs if that is ok with you.”

Vanya nodded and was ready to get to the door and open it up for her, letting her through. As they walked through the entrance to the lifts, an awkward silence fell between them. She could feel his looks. She knew he had questions. But she kept not giving it any attention. 

She let him do his job, calling her a lift. 

“Shall I accompany you upstairs, Miss?” Vanya wondered, trying to be helpful.

“No, thank you Vanya. I am fine.” 

Vanya still stood by her side, waiting patiently for the lift with her.

She should have called the police. She should have told him. Hell, she should have shouted to the world what had just happened, just so Greg could be torched. But she didn’t. Not yet. Tomorrow. She would have gone through with her battles tomorrow. Now, she needed to hide and recover.

Funny that the first place she thought to go and look for shelter was Max’s.

Even with everything that had happened with him that day and knowing she probably wasn’t welcome anymore, Stella still chose to go and hide at his place. 

She could have got a room in any hotel in town but she knew she would have lost her mind if she went anywhere else. Max’s place was the only one that felt safe.

“When will Mr MJF return home, Miss?” He wondered casually. She knew Vanya was trying to look after her, possibly out of pity or concern because her face had started to bruise up and it was undeniable she was in bad shape. But she didn’t ask him to.

“Tomorrow night.” Not that she had the right to be expecting him.

“You will get me if you need anything, Miss?”

“Thank you, Vanya, I will.” She still offered a polite, bland smile, hopping on the lift as soon as the doors opened.

“Goodnight, Miss Stella,”

“Goodnight,”

She waited patiently for the lift to get upstairs avoiding looking into any reflective surface. The last thing she needed was to catch a clear glimpse of her condition.

Stella slowly made her way into Max’s apartment, acting controlled. She fiddled with her keys as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Unlocked the door. She got through. Locked it. And disabled the alarm. Just like that was yet another night she decided to spend at Max’s.

Knowing perfectly well how his house worked, she knew he would have got a notification that exact instant since the door alarm went off. So, she turned towards the security camera placed in the corner. He would have seen the feed as soon as he would have checked his phone.

“I am sorry, I don’t have my phone on me. I didn’t have a way to warn you. I will be gone by tomorrow, I promise.” She started explaining, “I won’t be an inconvenience. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” She didn’t even know why she had said that. It’s not like it was true. But it was, in a way. 

There was nowhere safer for her. Even when Max wasn’t there. Not that she had the right to claim his space as anything at all to her. But she had decided to be selfish. It was what she needed and she would have taken it. 

Stella could have easily lied to herself. On the contrary to any hotel room, she could have found a fresh change of clothing at Max’s without having to go through the inconvenience of shopping for it. That was enough of a useful, proactive reason to be there, right?

But she had no intention of lying anymore. She was there because thinking about Max was the only thing that kept her from drowning.

Looking right into the black eye of the camera, Stella slowly started to feel overwhelmed. The air was tight around her. Her skin too. It made her feel itchy and uncomfortable.  

She dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes. The soles were stained by blood. 

Stella choked. She felt her chest sealing shut, pressed down by the pressure of panic. She stripped off the cardigan, throwing it on the ground. It wasn’t her clothes. It wasn’t her skin either, yet she wanted to rip it all off. She felt the need to scream and rip her hair out. 

But then, just like breathing fresh air, she was distracted by the soft chime of a tiny bell approaching. Looking down, Stella almost gasped as soon as she noticed Piper reaching for her and curling around her ankles, welcoming her with purrs.

She had never been so grateful to a cat before in her life. 

“Hello lovely,” Even when her throat was sealed, she still pushed out some words, trying her best to greet the real lady of the house. She picked Piper up and held her close to her chest, happy not to find resistance from the animal and appreciating the cat bumping her little head under her chin. The vibration of her purrs spread into her chest, calming her down. 

She needed a hot shower. She needed to wash off the phantom feeling of Greg’s hands on her body. She could still smell the booze in the air, it burned her nose and made her stomach twist. 

A hot shower would have fixed it all. That and maybe a drink. Or two.

More than anything, Stella needed a minute to assess the situation. She needed to know what to do with herself. She was a lawyer. She knew better than anyone how it was vital that she had a plan.

But she felt too tired. Thinking was exhausting.

Was it so bad of her to leave all her responsibilities and consequences, for tomorrow?

Stella released a soft sigh, for now, she only held Piper, going to curl up on the sofa. “Thank you,” she softly brushed her lips on the cat's head, truly grateful. 

She had decided everything else could have waited a bit longer.

Stella was woken up suddenly by a thud coming from the other room. It sounded like something heavy hit the floor. A ray of warm light cut through the bedroom from the door she had left ajar.

Stella was still disoriented by her sleep wearing off, and yet her first response was fear. She immediately jumped through the covers, alert, ignoring the pain cutting her breath short to the minimum movement she made. Panic slid under her skin, finding its way up to her neck, sealing her throat. What if Greg found her?

However, she seemed to be the only concerned one. Piper, who up to that moment was guarding her, curled up on the pillow by her head, was only bothered by Stella's jump. The cat lazily stretched on the covers, soft purrs spreading through her little body. Then, she hopped off the bed and trotted towards the door meowing happily.

“Daddy’s home?” Stella wondered as if the cat could reply to her.

Confused, she watched Piper slip into the living room and listened to the bell of her collar chime to the rhythm of her silent steps. 

“There’s my love. Did you miss me?” As soon as she heard Max’s soft voice reduced to a whisper coming from the other room, her only desire was to leap into his arms. “Of course, you did.” He continued, talking to his cat. Stella felt her heart jump out of her chest and ran to him. A hot shiver crossed her. It was the first time in hours she had felt warmth building back up inside of her.

She didn’t know what time it was and it didn’t matter. For a moment she wondered if she had passed out cold for an entire day.

She rubbed her face, cursing herself a second after she remembered she had taken a punch right to the eye socket and it was hurting like a bitch. She could barely keep her left eye open. God, she didn’t even want to know what she looked like. Hell, probably.

Stella did to throw the covers off herself intending to slid out of bed to go meet Max but, no matter how strong her will may have been, her body didn’t allow her to move one inch. The pain was too great and her aching muscles and bones seemed to be frozen, keeping her enslaved there. The more she tried to fight against her own depleted strength, the more raging became the bite of her soreness.

Stella gave up with an exhausted huff. The more helpless she felt, the more her anger grew inside of her. And with that, guilt and fear followed. 

How was she supposed to fix the mess she had just caused? 

How could she face Max? What was she supposed to say now to justify herself?

Where was she supposed to find the courage and strength to pull a brave face and keep going on with her life after what had happened?

And what about Greg? What was she supposed to do about him? About what he had committed? 

Thinking that she had to flee, leaving him free to roam in her private space like he more pleased was enough to make her head spin and her stomach turn.

As panic started to set its icy roots through her gripping and sliding through her insides, making her mind spin out of control, Stella didn’t even notice how she wasn’t alone anymore. A set of inquisitive, hard dark eyes studied her from the door as her figure was now exposed under the hall’s light.

“Stella?” His voice, no matter the level of concern bending his tone, was like a warm caress melting into her nerves.  

Stella gasped for air, looking over into the shape of the most familiar person in the whole world to her. Part of her was still startled, terrified he’d be someone else, but, deep down, her heart had already started singing for him. She couldn’t see his face well but it was enough for her to know he looked tremendously serious and imposing. Nothing about him was relaxed, his shoulders were tensed and his fists clenched. 

“Max?” She called softly, gripping on the covers. Her voice was no more than a whisper as she desperately tried to read him. He was angry. Possibly furious. Was it at her? Was it for what she had said, ruining their friendship forever? Was it because after all of that, she still dared to seek him?

"I'm-" she tried desperately to keep a straight face, but the trembling in her voice gave her away, "I'm so sorry," as words came out, so did tears.

Something inside of him changed drastically, it was like she could hear his chest creak under pressure.

Max was by her side in a second. “Don’t you ever apologise to me, kitten,” he kicked his shoes off, “I am the one who needs to apologise.” As he moved, she was drawn to him like a magnet. “But I am here now,” he took off his button-down, “You are not alone anymore,” he continued getting into bed with her.

His words had touched her deeper than she could ever express. She had been drowning ever since she had thought they were done with. Funny that she was still convinced that the idea of losing him was the worst part of her day. And now, she felt like breathing again.

Stella didn’t even wait for him to be settled to nest into his wide chest, not finding any resistance from Max. If anything, Max did nothing but cage her in between his arms, cradling her softly. The warmth of his body spread through her like fire, driving the shadows of fear off her heart. Her chest didn’t feel so tight anymore. 

Stella inhaled his scent deeply, letting herself get used to the idea of him being there. She traced attentively her hands on his chest, making sure he wasn’t a dream.

“I got you, baby,” he whispered kissing her forehead, “I won’t leave you again.”

“It’s a mess,” Stella whispered in between sobs, hiding away in the safety of his arms. “I’m a mess.”

“We’ll fix it. I promise you everything is going to be ok.” He kept her close, lulling sweet things into her ear, trying to reassure her, “You are safe now.”

“I am sorry for what I’ve said. I am so-”

“I told you already,” his lips brushed on the top of her head as he slid a hand through her hair, holding solidly onto her, “don’t apologise to me. I don’t want to hear it.”

A wave of relief washed over her. Her guilt and uncertainty disappeared slowly, leaving her feeling empty still, but relaxed in that cocoon that represented about the only place she’d feel safe in the world. 

“I thought I had lost you for a moment,” Stella let her thoughts escape her mouth.

“You can never lose me, kitten.” 

They both smiled and then laid there, silent, enjoying each other’s embrace.

They were far from being done talking about it, she knew well. It wasn’t like a kiss on the forehead would solve the problem they carried and hid from forever. But, for now, at least, she was willing to forget about it. It was ok to pretend everything was the same as always. And it was ok to know it wasn’t anymore. It was still Max and her against the world, and she needed to cling to that thought – to that promise, not to spiral violently and disappear into the shadows haunting her.

“Thank you for being here,” Stella nuzzled into the crook of his neck, feeling her body truly relaxing for the first time in hours. The hard clutch of her nerves was melting off, allowing her to feel nothing but relief. Even the pain roaring through her body was easily downgraded to barely discomfort. “Thank you for coming back.”

“What kind of friend would I be if I’d let you go through this alone?” he said it pressing a sad smile on her forehead.

That word “friend”, stung her ego more than she was willing to admit. But Stella bit her tongue. She could have easily pointed out all the things normal friends wouldn’t do in that situation. They wouldn’t hug so tightly, needing to feel skin on skin, with tangled legs and cradling hands. But she forced herself to let it go. It was a fight for another day, she had no strength left in her to face him.

“Are you going to ask me about what happened?” 

“Not tonight,” his tone was suddenly harder, like his hold on her. But it was gone in a moment. “I just want you to sleep now. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Ok,” she accepted his decision happily. The last thing she wanted to do was to recall what had happened, especially now that she found somewhere to hide away from her memories. “Are you going to stay with me all night?”

“I am not going anywhere, baby.” He kissed her forehead again and then pressed his cheek on her head. “Now, will you try to sleep? You need the rest.”

“I’ll try,” by that point, she was already dozing off. Now that her guard was down and she finally found some relaxation, exhaustion hit her dragging her down heavily. But, this time, she wasn’t scared about being unconscious and alone any longer.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 21 (Granny Plantsim?!)

"You're really pregnant? How many months? How big is the baby right now?" Holly took in her sister's news during a quick visit to see her in Brindleton Bay.

"Two months, and not very big. About the size of a plum, I think."

"Wow! I can't believe I'm going to be an auntie! What are you and Malcolm going to do about it?"

"I'm going to raise the baby alone, actually. I haven't told him yet."

Holly's eyes bulged. "Are you sure you know what you're getting into? Have you talked to Mom and Dad?"

Heather shook her head. "I haven't been home to Henford in a while and I don't want to tell them this news over the phone."

Less than an hour after Holly left to return to San Myshuno, Heather's mother called. "Holly tells me we need to have you over for dinner tonight."

Heather rolled her eyes and laughed. "Of course she did. What are you cooking?"

When Heather arrived in Henford, she was shocked to see her mother with leafy hair and green skin. A tree with a thick trunk and feathery lilac leaves stood in the yard next to their cowplant skeleton, and Neal glanced at his green-haired wife with a loving shake of his head. "You actually did it!" Heather cried. Daisy had grown a portal to an enchanted forest with magic beans, plucked a forbidden fruit, and eaten it whole. "Does it feel weird only needing the sun to refill your hunger?"

"It's the strangest sensation I've ever experienced - even stranger than the wobbled gravity field past Sixam when I went to space. The researcher in me can't wait to write all about it, but I miss your Dad's veggie burgers already."

"How long until the effects of the fruit wear off?"

"A few months. Sometimes half a year. I'll be back to my old self by River and Cassandra's wedding."

"And by the time you'll be a grandmother, hopefully."

Her mother's temporarily green eyes bulged. "You're pregnant?" she said, unsure whether to be elated or concerned. "Is Malcolm the father?"

Heather nodded. "He is. But I've decided to raise the baby alone."

"Are you sure? Maybe I should move in with you to help out," mused Daisy.

"My house is too small for you, me, the cats, and a baby!"

"It's just that your father and I always had each other when you kids were small. We never wanted you to struggle."

"I'll be fine, Mom. I'm like you: When I set my mind to something, I'll see it through," Heather said. "I've thought hard about this since I found out. I know it won't be easy. But I'm ready to do this. I'm ready to be a mom and run my clinic, and I know you'll all be a phone call away if I'm ever in over my head."

With her assurance, her family offered warm congratulations to Heather's life-changing news.

In San Myshuno, Malcolm fretted over what to do for months. He knew his mother expected grandchildren and he wanted children someday, but he was only 25. He didn’t want one right now, and he’d broken things off with Heather, in part, because they’d come from such different worlds and had such different ideas about family. But even after Everett returned to Oasis Springs, Malcolm didn’t hear from Heather, so he took advantage of her silence to put off dealing with his major problem until Heather was only a trimester away from delivery.

But then his mother returned from work one evening and called her son into the kitchen. "I heard quite the piece of gossip at work today. Apparently the owner of Brindleton Pawspital will need family leave soon. How long have you known?"

Malcolm's stomach twisted, and Nancy could tell from his dropped shoulders he'd been lying to her.

"I know that girl is carrying my grandchild and I'll prove it with every resource at my disposal if need be. Is her cat-infested home even safe for a child?"

"Mom, let me deal with it."

"Are you actually going to deal with it, Malcolm? Because if you want to keep sitting on your hands-"

"I said I'll deal with it."

Malcolm still had no idea what he was going to do, but now he had to think fast. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

[neverexpiringvirginoil]

HAPPY (Post)-INTERNATIONAL LESBIAN DAY to you my friend!!! 

My name is B. A closeted lesbian who's looking to come out to her family this month. In my almost two years of existence on this blog, I've read different “coming out stories” which has been a whole motivation to me- I hereby set a day in mind, to come out to my family. However things took a turn as my mom who i thought would be free of her ovarian cancer by said date developed a kidney problem just after ovarian cancer- she means the whole world to me and her acceptance is what I yearn for with my coming out. She has always said we should allow her die and has been unmotivated about life until her birthday few weeks ago (sept 11) where a whole lot of people on this app sent their good wishes, drawings, and words of encouragement to her. We turned everything sent into a blanket for her and she's been wrapping herself with the love she received- she wants to live again and fight for the sake of strangers who believed in her(so she said). The medical personnel admits it is the best time to have her surgery (Ureteral Stent Placement surgery) because she has the right mood and mindset. Unfortunately for us, we are 500$ away from getting her surgery, it’s almost a month after her birthday and her fighting spirit is dying- I also can't come out to a dying mother- I need her to be fine before my coming out date(20th Oct). We've created a crowdfunding link for her but we've only raised 225$ of 500$. On this OUR special day, Would you please help not only my mom but my coming out plan by donating whatever you can spare for my mom's surgery? No matter how small, This would go a longer way than you think- please click the link below to support I and my family:

buymeacoffee.com/Plantlover

You can also find more information about her Ovaria cancer/ infected kidney on my pinned post.  Thank you for sticking with us through thick and thin. 

Hello!

I am kind of struggling with money lately… I am so very sorry, but I hope I can donate at least something to you before the 20th of October!!! I’ll try my best!!!

And I so hope someone will see this and donate, or at least reblog! I wish the best to your mother and to you as well. I wish she fine the strength to keep fighting, that you get some money and that you both can be happy ❤️

@deliciousmentalityballoon276

@lgbtqnationofficial @queerism1969 @tyyjaimiee

[butch-reidentified]

hello hello my lovely Tumblr gals!

I've been waiting to post about this until it was like, a forreal sure thing, but I'm SO excited I gotta share the news 🤩

soooo as most of you already know, my wife & I both have serious chronic health conditions, which come with severe chronic pain as well as all the other wonderful symptoms. We have been struggling to maintain a life of working full time, doing things we enjoy to keep ourselves sane, taking care of our 6 pets, and also getting chores/errands/tasks done like keeping the house clean, grocery shopping and cooking instead of frozen meals and doordash, etc. A couple weeks ago, I posted an ad on a roommate seeking page to "rent" out our spare bedroom. Except instead of money, the majority of the rent would be "paid" by helping us out with those sorts of tasks to help us live as close to a normal life as possible. I created a scaled system where the more assistance = the more the reduction in rent, with a very low cap on the money side of the rent bc we really don't want to take advantage of anyone or profit off renting out a room, so just enough to cover the basic costs. The goal was to find a mutually beneficial arrangement with someone who needed a place to live without paying the current horrifying rental prices of South FL, and was able bodied and capable of helping us out a bit (on their own schedule, around their other work/obligations).

I posted it pretty impulsively when I had the idea, thinking not many people would see it or respond to it, just sort of putting feelers out to see if there was any interest in that kind of arrangement. I specified female only (and of course got multiple messages from men). First thing the next morning, a woman who looks about my age sends me a message. She and her gf have been urgently looking for housing since the plans they had made had fallen through last minute, after they were already packed and everything with their lease ending at the end of February.

She was 100% good vibes right away. We messaged for a couple hours straight, just got talking, and intermittently throughout the day. It turned out there were so many strange coincidences between us, it was uncanny. And talking to her felt like talking to a close friend of many years, not a total stranger. That first day I talked to her, really good things happened to me the rest of the day. Solutions to problems that had been causing me stress for weeks or months fell into my lap. I'm not spiritual or superstitious or anything for the most part, but sometimes the universe is just screaming in your face that something is right.

We kept texting, and planned a video chat "wine date" to discuss the arrangement and get to know each other better. We talked for hours, past 2am, and it felt so natural. Never an awkward moment. We have very similar couple dynamics, we like the same lifestyle and hobbies, we have the exact same sense of humor and communication style, the first woman I had talked to and I go by the same nickname, their dog and one of our dogs are very similar breed mixes and born almost exactly just 1 month apart... I could go on. I mean we even buy the same brand of vapes 😅 They're clean freaks who enjoy cleaning together, and one of them is super into cooking and likes to keep an herb and vegetable garden (we have a huge backyard and have been longing for a garden for ages). I looked up their post in the group, which was posted weeks before mine, and they were a perfect match. We were looking for the exact same things in a roommate.

The decision was made that first video chat night (there have been more since). They were abso-fucking-lutely going to be our new roomies. I wrote up a unique lease, month to month like we both were looking for, and had it looked over by a lawyer, who said we're good to go. My wife and I have been gushing about them to all our friends and our parents. We've been calling it a "couples crush" 😂 I told them that, and they excitedly admitted they've been doing the same thing. My wife and I have also been so much happier and more productive and active since all this started.

These absolute angels have even offered to help us get the house clean from where it's at now instead of us rushing to deep clean before they arrive. They seem genuinely empathetic and like they want to help 😭 And we feel the same way about their housing and financial situation. We own the home, which means there's an inherent power dynamic when renting out a room, so I worked hard to talk to them and create a lease that would equalize as much as possible. My wife and I emphatically expressed that we want them to feel like it's fully their home - we remember from renting in the past how it can sometimes not feel like your home. For me, renting was damaging to my mental health. All the rules and restrictions made me feel unable to create a safe-feeling home environment. We don't want to put any restrictions on them when it comes to pets, drilling into walls, painting the room, re-landscaping the backyard, whatever. We also told them they're always welcome to give us feedback, communicate totally honestly with us about any of their needs, complaints, changes they want to the lease, etc.

Soooo with all that said... they're moving in on Friday! We are all counting the days. We already know we're gonna have a ton of fun together. We even agreed to have "family dinners" sitting together at the table a couple times a week 🙈 We are all just so dorky it's beautiful.

And! I accidentally said "gyns" referring to them in a message 😅 so I had to explain that, and they were SUPER interested and want us to teach them about radical feminism. Like??? We couldn't have created a more perfect roommate situation in a mad scientist's lab. I've been working on trusting my gut recently, as it never seems to lead me astray, and every instinct I have says this is Good.

[genderdisaster]

Who am I? A meditation on identity, gender, presentation, and bad cooking metaphors.

"Who are you?"

It's a long story. Frankly, I don't know. And that's ok. "Who am I?" is the question that I have asked myself more than ever in the past six months. After the initial euphoria, triumph, anxiety, and elation of starting HRT, I began to reexamine myself and my identity. I was crafting a new version of myself based on what felt the most authentic for me, and I needed to understand what felt most real. I was starving, and that first dose of Estrogen felt like sitting down at a massive banquet. I only needed to decide what to try first.

"Hey, what's good here?"

I've always had some problem with identity. Most of my life, with some small exceptions, I've made an effort to blend in and appear as unobtrusive as possible. Masculine enough to not draw attention or be singled out, but also neutral enough to remain non-threatening. At the core, I didn't have a clear sense of identity that felt in-line with how I really resonated deep inside. To some degree, I still don’t. Instead, I had a sense that I needed to portray quiet competence and self-assuredness in relation to the rigid structures of masculinity--as if any sign of compensation or questioning would betray just how clueless and out of place I really was. An impostor. I based my identity on interests or passions, never on a simple state of being. A male identity? No more than the thing I'd study to fit in when shared interests couldn't bridge the conversational gap. No more than another hobby, and one I didn't particularly even enjoy. But now I stumbled onto something new, and with it a new sense of self; where would I begin to develop this new, embodied, genuine identity?

"Everything is good here. Just try something and see if you like it!"

That didn't feel right. A lifetime of all-or-nothing thinking meant that I was seeking an objective "truth" about what identity should look like. I had made it over thirty years into life, dammit. I should know this by now!

Little did I know, I started to become embroiled in a full-blown identity crisis. I was shifting from a repressed, quietly desperate life of self-loathing and feeling deeply uncomfortable in the body I was born into, into a slowly changing body that every day grew more aligned with my inner state. More like home. But what kind of home?

"I'll have what she's having, then."

I've been fortunate to find myself in several different trans and gender-diverse groups of wonderful people throughout my life. Many friends, loved ones, trained professionals, and kind strangers helped to take this ignorant and denial-ridden egg and gently pry the first pieces of shell away from my tough outer-exterior. Still, I found myself looking at all of the new possibilities in front of me with a sense of overwhelm.

Am I a trans woman? I certainly don't prefer masculinity. But do I identify with binary femininity? Not totally that either. Demasculinization remained my primary goal for early transition, and every small sign of dropping Testosterone was a tiny victory over the weird guy who used to inhabit this body. I still cared for and loved him, but he never wanted to be in running things in the first place; now he didn't have to. We 86'd masculinity, Estrogen was on expo, but who was keeping it all in line?

"Take what you want, leave what you don't. Here's your salad fork."

I soon began to struggle with the ongoing need to remind myself of some basic concepts on a constant basis. Things like "It's ok to try things out and see if you like them or not!" and "You don't need to have it all figured out yet! The right people will accept you regardless!" became regular mantras that I repeated throughout the day. Like it or not, I started to re-live my awkward teenage years of trying out aspects of identity and personality to see what felt right, but in a less-traumatized, more mindful, and (most importantly) more self-compassionate mental state. I'm still doing that, and will be for some time to come. I "figured out" the recipe for masculinity by adulthood, more or less by following an easily repeatable formula that was bland, yet filling, and sticking to it at the expense of my own humanity. This new, undetermined third thing that I am creeping towards? That recipe is yet to be written, and it's all up to me. Each ingredient represents an aspect, a quality, another little piece of presentation and joy that feels right when seeing the person staring back at me in the mirror, or feeling myself living my life in my body. I relish the thought of working on the "me" that will be totally present and there for myself and others--all the while, folding in enough feminine energy to build a strong base, and allowing a sprinkle of masculinity as garnish in his own special way. A delicate balance with no flavor overpowering the other.

Luckily, I'm a damn good cook. At least I hope I am.

[compassionatereminders]

Hey Kat, I feel moved to voice some sentiment of encouragement with what your ex-partners have done to you.

My heart hurts with yours, as I too have experienced a partner who chose to sever years of connection by a weak conversation about how I was the sole problem between us, and then ghosting me. He refused to have a real conversation about how he was neglecting to step up and be a partner and instead chose to do nothing as his mother discriminated against my disability and socioeconomic status. Like a typical rich c*nt she decided that I was taking advantage of her son and was unworthy of his love, and the truth of my struggle with being disabled and physically incapable of keeping up with the demands of hypercapitalism all alone (zero help from abusive family, just one neurodivergent and physically disabled person trying to keep my head above water) was all just my failure to try hard enough. That I was just a parasite looking to get out of having to work. And when he did not stand up against her cruel judgement and advocate for his partner, and I expressed my feelings of abandonment and confusion at his inaction, he decided he would just say that I was the one unwilling to grow and seemed to be unreasonably holding on to negativity. He said he'd be back, but he ghosted.

It pushed every trigger of my developmental trauma, every fear of abandonment. It reaffirmed the deep mental programming that I am inherently worthless, and that I did not deserve better. I spent a long time feeling like I must have engineered the failure of the relationship alone, that I got what I deserved. Yet, the innate sense of betrayal and abandonment was like a hangnail catching on everything and sending shockwaves of pain through me.

It took time, but I've grown enough to learn to validate my pain. I never deserved to have such a relationship end that way. I didn't deserve his mother's resentful discrimination. I didn't deserve to have a partner fail to advocate for my worth. And I never deserved to have my heart obliterated by the cowardice of ghosting.

From what I've been able to observe from this distant internet stranger's perspective is that you were pulling the weight of communication in the relationship. You were expressing your needs, you were making clear your anxieties and asking for the very reasonable amount of support anyone in a partnership can and should be reasonably asking for. His cowardly retreat and subsequent ghosting after 5 years of your pouring love and effort into building something together is despicable. And though your posts show that you know that you don't deserve what they both did, knowing and feeling don't always show up together. I am familiar with the pain that visits you now, and I know that feeling seen can be a drink of water in a desert of pain.

I hope that as you begin to navigate the coming weeks and months that your wisdom of the truth that you didn't deserve this can saturate through to your aching heart. You have demonstrated that you are prepared to show up and own your responsibility, to use skill and tools to build something with your partners and navigate all that through the problems that come with mental illness. We all fuck up sometimes, but a supportive partner shows grace and forgiveness for mistakes. They don't tell you that you're the one not trying/working hard enough for them, they don't ever assume that they have no responsibility in a situation.

You don't deserve what they did and didn't do. And though this reveals so much about their (and especially his) deeper character, that you deserve better... This grief will hurt. It will linger and touch every moment of life for a time. Knowing that it won't last forever won't change the way the heart feels like this pain will be everlasting. Your strength and resilience is truly remarkable. You have an amazing insight and wisdom about your responsibility for your own behaviour in relationship dynamics, and you clearly know that you were doing more than your share of the emotional labour. You know that despite your needs and struggles that you deserved to have that effort reciprocated.

But like I said, knowing and feeling don't always coexist. I hope that in those moments of dissonance that you feel the support of your network, both on and offline. Thank you for all the work you do just by showing up and working towards good. Even as I reach out to offer support, I feel supported in kind by just the opportunity to talk about my resonant experience. I hope you feel that support too 💜

I am feeling the support and I am so touched by the outpouring of support my inbox has received since this situation escalated. I am not answering every individual ask, but I am reading all of them and I truly appreciate that so many people agree that this is horrible and that I did not deserve this shit. Even strangers who only knows me through this blog. It is very affirming to know that so many people agree that I was not the irrational and toxic person in this and that you all see good in me

[project-omori2]

Reading your recent asks has given me some ideas to send.

1: Because headspace is maintained by the crystals of the elements, maybe instead of typing keys helping Hail into blackspace, it’s dark crystals like in FFIII, or maybe blackspace is slightly more expansive and they have their own sets of dark elemental crystals, a entire segment of Hail/Omori maybe even fighting some bosses alone because they have their own guardians that are horrific looking.

2: s0ckh3adstudios’ idea about Hail maybe lashing out, if you want a reason of maybe why their friends ended up started to break apart maybe why Cris is nervous around them could be Hail lashed out and said some really hurtful things (maybe something physical), their friends feel bad but decide to give Hail space after a recent bad event made them easy to get angry, unfortunately they end up lashing at regular bully, who ends fighting them, but that goes really bad when the bully accidentally caused their eye being injured. Their friends are unaware of what happened at first since they haven’t seen Hail in like a month (Hail probably actively avoided their friends at this point, even when they began trying to reach again but they were angry they left them alone) and don’t find out until Hail doesn’t come to graduation. They go to their house and find out they moved out somewhere after apparently a trip to the hospital. So the forgiveness part is more generalized about forgiving in general, a bully who is scared by what happened that wants redemption, their friends for pulling away, parents who never noticed their problems and may have contributed to them, school mates who saw them get picked on but did nothing, and themself for chasing away their loved ones away.

3: I was thinking if you need a NPC that is brand new, maybe in Headspace there is this NPC who is helpful and nice despite keeping conversations really light, but it’s clear the NPC cares for Omori even if Omori never shows much interest back. Turns out the NPC is based off a coworker that Hail knows, they aren’t really friends since Hail avoids people when they can, but it’s just a concerned stranger who sees Hail is struggling and has been trying to see if there is anything they can do to help them.

4: Maybe instead of phobias like Sunny, it’s triggers that make them want to lash out? There would be more of them, and all of them are revolved around the long list of bad events, like maybe alcohol is a trigger because one of their parents were an alcoholic and would ignore them or yell mean things when they were drunk, stuff like that.

5: If Hail ever breaks free of Omori in a good ending, instead of Sunny’s Omori trying to guilt Sunny into withdrawing maybe Hail’s Omori instead tells them things about the people in their life not being worth their time, after all they all slowly either hurt them or left them.

1: Maintained by the crystals of the seasons, actually (spring, summer, autumn, winter). I'm kinda digging the idea of using dark crystals to access Black Space.

2: You kinda lost me a bit when you brought up the bully thing, but other than that, this is kinda interesting.

3: I actually really like this idea! I like to think that they act as a heal/save point similar to Mari, but more like the Adventurer from Bravely Default: helpful to the party, but very mysterious. 👇

(maybe Hail has a bit of a crush on their real-world counterpart, or vice versa??? :3)

4 / 5: I've actually thought of those ideas myself!

Thanks for the ask! I think I'm starting to see the full picture.

[spirit-of-the-hollow]

HAPPY LGBT HISTORY Month to you my friend!!! Hope you had a great international lesbian day(Oct 8) and Coming out Day (Oct 11). I'm writing you as a QUEER to a fellow QUEER.

My name is B. A closeted lesbian who's looking to come out to her family this month. In my almost two years of existence on this blog, I've read different “coming out stories” which has been a whole motivation to me- I hereby set a day in mind, to come out to my family. However things took a turn as my mom who i thought would be free of her ovarian cancer by said date developed a kidney problem just after ovarian cancer- she means the whole world to me and her acceptance is what I yearn for with my coming out. She has always said we should allow her die and has been unmotivated about life until her birthday few weeks ago (sept 11) where a whole lot of people on this app sent their good wishes, drawings, and words of encouragement to her. We turned everything sent into a blanket for her and she's been wrapping herself with the love she received- she wants to live again and fight for the sake of strangers who believed in her(so she said). The medical personnel admits it is the best time to have her surgery (Ureteral Stent Placement surgery) because she has the right mood and mindset. Unfortunately for us, we are 500$ away from getting her surgery, it’s almost a month after her birthday and her fighting spirit is dying- I also can't come out to a dying mother- I need her to be fine before my coming out date/birthday(20th Oct).Today is my birthday and we've only raised 330$ of 500$. On this special Month, Would you please help not only my mom, but also my coming out plan by donating whatever you can spare for my mom's surgery? No matter how small, This would go a longer way than you think- please click the link below to support this gay woman (I) and my family:

buymeacoffee.com/Plantlover

You can also find more information about her Ovaria cancer/ infected kidney on my pinned post.  Thank you for sticking with us through thick and thin. 

Hey! Sorry 4 your struggle

[pennyl4n3]

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

[charlottejoancheng]

Generosity

Today, I am blessed with the generosity and the kindness that surrounded me.

It has been a very difficult and tough time, especially during the first half of the year. It all started out last year in December when I blatantly rejected a promotion from my former workplace, plus the personal problems that my brother got involved in and I've ended up being dragged into it. The rest of the year had been a lot difficult with too much workplace bullying and psychological abuse that I've faced from my colleagues- who happened to be my so-called friends, the backaches, headaches, and also the mental pain and anxiety that I started developing to the point that I was demoted and also the humiliation that I've faced due to the mental stress of my personal issues and also my workplace problem. To be bullied and humiliated by those whom you've trusted as you had considered them friends, was a massive betrayal for me to endure. I called them out at the end and it had backfired. Worse, I had started a new job in May and I was struggling to perform because I was going through so much, especially from the trauma and the pain that my former workplace had given me. It had been so bad that I had underperformed in it and I was unable to make the great connections that I wanted to, in order to let go of the problems that I've dealt with at my former workplace. It got so bad to the point that I was let go, as the company felt that I was not a great fit for it and the job- considering that I've changed from the education to the advertising sector. Still thank goodness, I was given severance pay from the company which was a major miracle for me.

Still, in spite of several miracles that I've seen, I was feeling down at times and also up at certain points. Several amounts of phone calls and interviews and also career assessment tests had made me even more exhausted, or so hopeless when it comes to finding the best job for me. However, during that period, I started to value the true meaning of life and one of them is generosity.

It is the generosity of some of my former colleagues, who were not my superiors, and not from my management who had offered to be my reference at a difficult time. Few had advised me at those difficult points in my former workplace when things had gotten worse and they were still there for me as they had my back through such a tough time.

The generosity from both companies, though I've taken for granted. I wish that I should have not taken my previous boss for granted and put him in a difficult position as I was offered a payment of goodwill after my resignation. I resigned in dignity and grace, ironically from people who had made my life difficult until I had called them out, especially one of my superiors who had made my life hell since I had started working with him in 2020 (ironically he was my former friend and mentor). He had threatened a lawsuit against me, but thank goodness, it didn't happen. Was I smart enough to end things well, I should have done it brief and simple towards him without dragging anyone which was my biggest regret and had cost me some friends, that included my other superiors who wanted to be my reference at that point- ironically, they had also made my life hell at my last working days at that place. However, it led me to know other real true friends who were strangers first at the beginning and I am gratefully blessed to have both of them. And even though I was let go from my previous company, I was given severance pay plus got to know a slew of them who had inspired me tremendously to be the person I truly wanted, which is something that I was grateful for.

My mom, brother, and dad had comforted me at this lowest point. While I am grateful that my mom and my brother had helped me to pay for my bills for this month, my dad was the one who had not just given me moral support, but also he had to lead me through the Universe to my former bosses who had ultimately agreed to be my references in spite of the past mistake that I've made back then. When I talked to them it was like an old friendship rekindled. Plus, I was able to get my former dean from my college days to be my reference which was a major miracle. My brother may have put me into a mess last year, but if it is not for it, I would not have discovered a real friend in my brother and also moral and spiritual support in both my mom and my brother.

My old friends, which I had neglected in the past and who had come back to my life ironically by the law of the Universe. Plus my new friends who had come in and also strangers who had given me time to comfort and also help me during this difficult time - some had even sent me job openings and job offers from their company to help me, so I was very thankful. And joining an organization as a voluntary graphic designer, I was blessed to come across a person named Kevin, who I've aspired to be as he had gone through a lot and also whom I had also wanted to learn from- especially his realness and his sincerity. Plus the new friends that I've gained from participating in my church Sunday School team, and also the Single Adults Ministry which was also a major blessing as I was blessed by their own generosity.

Also, I would like to thank the maker of the Universe, God who had also been in me through my emotional and difficult journey, especially this year. I am currently a born-again Christian as I had started to know and accept Jesus Christ as my savior and my Lord during these difficult periods and along the way, he sent me people, things, and places that are good for me. All my years, I was expecting to receive and not even give, but today, I had learned the other way round which is why I've felt that my life is more fulfilling than I can even imagine, especially in the past few years. Had I not left a workplace where I started to realize that it was toxic for me after two and a half years, being terminated from my later job, and all of the difficult things that have happened to me, I would not be able to appreciate the generosity that He is about to offer and the support that he had given me, especially everyday people and things that I know that they would always have my back and also those who are meant to stay like jewels. Also, I would not be able to feel a warm sense of giving and generosity from others, as well as the generosity that I am starting to implement in my life.

By giving, we are able to make a better chance to make the world a better and a much more peaceful place. Perhaps you might have noticed, that we are living in such a selfish and also narcissistic world, where people are very selfish and they are looking out for their own needs without considering the rest. I used to play that part, but now there isn't any longer as you would not find a sense of fulfillment. Perhaps, things had to happen to bring out the better of us, as those who do what is right and good will come out stronger than that. And perhaps you might be someone who was unemployed and was struggling for months looking for a job and there wasn't a single pay. Or perhaps you might be someone who is going through a financial struggle due to some of your family issues. Still the most important is to give and to learn the gift of generosity and giving back and even if you do not have any resources, you can spread out the love through your God-given gifts and talents, which I am thankful to do, to be able to write and draw and even share the positivity and his word which would help others along the way.

I had not found the perfect job that would fit me, but I know that it is a matter of time before the Universe and God would help me along the way to the best place where I would fit a working culture and a place that I am able to glorify Him and to use my talents. But all I could say is that even though my life is not that perfect and I had not something perfect yet, I am still, and today, learning the gift of generosity and receiving the reaps of it abundantly.

[fallinnflower]

perfect

s.coups x reader (fluff, part of the intimacy anthology project)

a/n: this fic is technically gender neutral but ends up leaning more towards being a fem!reader, mostly because it’s based loosely on my insecurities, just so y’all know!

warning: mentions of scars, anxiety, and implied mature content

For your entire life, you'd struggled with the idea of how people saw you. 

When you were younger, people used to say you were pretty — but those same people criticized your every flaw. Once you became a teenager, especially, and acne became the new normal for your skin, even your parents didn't hesitate to point out the problems with you. It didn't take long for those problems to become all you could see, both when you looked in the mirror or just when you happened to let skin show. 

Wearing makeup became necessary. But then blemishes began appearing on your back, and arms, and legs — and when they disappeared they left scars behind which were just as embarrassing, if not more so. 

Simultaneously you were asked why you didn't think you were beautiful, and why your skin was so bad. Soon, baring your skin in even the most minimal ways felt like a struggle. 

The thing is, you'd been seeing yourself imperfectly and scarred for so long that you had no perception of what other people may have seen in you. Did they look at you and only see flaws? 

And, as most personal, introspective issues go, it affected your love life. 

Being intimate was hard when you didn't want anyone to see you. When you had scars someone might feel when their hands were on your skin. 

You'd had significant others in the past, some of which had pointed out your flaws to you, and very few of which you had managed to express your insecurities to. It always felt simultaneously too heavy and too petty to bring up to your partners, so you'd simply turn off the lights and opt to ignore your problems for as long as possible. 

But nothing could stay hidden forever. 

You'd been dating Seungcheol for well over two months when he finally expressed his desire to have you stay the night. Your journey from strangers to significant others had been something of a whirlwind, but the two of you had opted to take things slow once labels were involved. 

He was a perfect boyfriend, a wholesome mix of responsible gentleman and soft baby that fit inexplicably well into your life. Any time you have him was enough, and any hesitation you showed was a boundary he respected. 

For the past week, he'd been dropping hints that he wanted you to spend the night at his place after your typically Friday evening dates, and each time he did you found yourself freezing up. Seungcheol has never even seen you without makeup on, and while the thought of spending an evening with him was heavenly, the thought of him waking up beside an imperfect version of yourself was terrifying. 

To you, Seungcheol seemed perfect. With his pretty doe eyes and his sweet smile and plump lips, it was almost hard to believe a person like him existed in the real world. 

It made it all the more difficult for you to willingly bare yourself to him, in even the most minor ways. So for a solid week you dodged every hint he tried to drop as if they were bombs, desperate to hold onto this perfect facade for just a little bit longer, like clinging desperately to the last moments of a sweet dream in the morning light. 

But Friday dawned nonetheless, and all through work all you could think about was how Seungcheol — sweet, handsome, considerate, perfect Seungcheol — would be waiting for you when you clocked out to take you to dinner. The mix of excitement and nervousness left you feeling giddy all day long, constantly getting up for more water or just to stretch your legs, unable to focus. How could you, when you hadn't seen him for a week?

How could you, when you were constantly trying to avoid the elephant that seemed to follow you into every room you entered? 

Ten minutes before 5pm, you shed your blazer and went into the bathroom to fix your hair and makeup. You'd worn a simple black dress to work and shoved some more playful looking accessories into your bag that morning to spice up the look. Over the course of your career you'd learned how to go from corporate daytime to date night look with minimal changes quite expertly. 

As you were fixing the clasp of your necklace, your phone buzzed on the countertop. 

< waiting downstairs. no rush ☺️

You couldn't keep the smile off your face as you read Seungcheol's message. Even though he said not to rush, you still found yourself fixing the last strands of your hair that had slipped out of place and gathering your belongings from your desk at record speed. 

"Have fun!" Your desk neighbor, Wendy, called after you. You tossed her a smile over your shoulder as you stepped into the elevator. On the short ride down, you couldn't help but bounce slightly, trying to expel some more of your nervous energy so you didn't just go sprinting straight into your boyfriend's arms. 

It didn't work. The moment you caught sight of Seungcheol in the lobby, you couldn't seem to keep yourself walking at a normal pace — especially not when he caught sight of you and sent you that gummy smile of his, opening his arms in welcome. 

His embrace was warm, and he pressed a welcoming kiss to the crown of your head before nuzzling his cheek against your hair.

"Hey," he murmured, and you giggled softly as you pulled back. 

"Hey," you replied, eyes meeting his. He leaned down to press a quick, chaste kiss to your lips, but even that left you a blushing mess considering you were still in your office building. 

"Cheol," you whined, but your boyfriend only chuckled and gently took your bag and blazer from you, offering his other hand for you to hold. You took it, although you continued to pout as he lead you out the door. 

Once you'd both settled into the car, your extra things relegated to the backseat, you finally turned a curious gaze to him. 

"So, what have you got planned?" The corners of Seungcheol's mouth immediately began to curl up into a grin, but he only glanced coolly at you before pulling away from the curb. 

"It's a surprise."

"Still?" you asked, turning your body in your seat to face him. "We'll be there soon — why can't you just tell me?" 

If anyone had told you even a few months ago that you'd be acting cutesy for your boyfriend, you'd probably have punched them. You'd never been the type to do aegyo unbidden, and yet your boyfriend seemed to bring it out in you without even trying. Usually he couldn't say no to your cuteness and vice versa, but this time he merely chuckled and placed a hand on your thigh just above your knee, giving it a squeeze. 

"Patience, babe. Good things come to those who wait, you know," he teased, and you frowned. 

"But I've been waiting all week."

"And in a few more minutes all that waiting will be worth it." As he rolled to a stop at a red light, he turned his gaze on you, hand still lingering on your leg. When his dark, intense gaze met yours, your throat seemed to go dry, the places where his skin met yours suddenly feeling fiery hot. 

"You trust me, don't you?" You let out a defeated sigh and nodded. Seungcheol laughed again, eyes curving up into happy crescents as he gave your thigh another squeeze. 

"Good girl," he said, softly, and although you rolled your eyes you found yourself acutely aware of the way his fingers gently brushed against your inner thigh before he removed his hand. 

His actions quieted you down until you reached your destination. Your thoughts (and gaze) continued to drift back to him and his hands, swallowing hard. Since you and Seungcheol were taking things slow, you hadn't really been intimate — you'd had some heated make out sessions, but nothing below the belt so to speak — but that didn't mean you didn't want to be. If anything, it was actually starting to make you want it more. 

Which was probably why you were so adamantly dodging any conversations about staying the night. If Seungcheol outright asked, you knew you'd probably say yes — and you didn't feel ready for the disappointment and shame you'd feel when he saw the real you. All your flaws and ugly parts that couldn't be hidden… How could any person as beautiful as him possibly see you as anything but the complete opposite? 

Your downtrodden train of thought was interrupted by Seungcheol putting the car in park. When you looked out the window, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Recognize it?” Seungcheol asked playfully. You could tell without even looking at him that he was excited about this particular plan. And you knew why, barely able to tear your eyes away from the location long enough to thank him for holding the car door open for you.

“Of course,” you replied, taking hold of the hand he offered you. “This is where we had our first date.” You leaned into Seungcheol’s side. Your first date had consisted mostly of a long walk and dinner, which hadn’t really been planned. The two of you had simply spent so much of the day together that you found yourselves in need of a meal, and had ducked into the restaurant on a whim.

It had been nearing the end of winter then, but still cold — too cold for the outdoor seating to be open, which was unfortunate because all the online reviews you had seen raved about it. That space was at the back of the building, a rooftop terrace with a supposedly perfect view of the city. Looking at the space now, you could see the faint glow of strung-up lights down at the end of the alley between it and the neighboring building. 

“Want to guess what the surprise is?” he asked, voice low and soft, like it was a secret for your ears only. 

“Hm,” you hummed, tapping a finger against your chin, looking up at him as he grinned expectantly down at you. “We’re going to eat on the terrace?” His smile widened, his eyes nearly closing from its broadness. 

Suddenly, the door to the restaurant opened, and one of the hosts peered curiously at the two of you. His face lit up when he noticed Seungcheol, and he quickly opened the door the rest of the way, beckoning you in,

“Mr. Choi, welcome. Right this way!” The two of you followed after him, giddy with excitement. He led you both to the back of the restaurant and up a staircase, away from the noise and crowd of the main dining room.

On the table with the best view of the city there was already a bottle of the same wine the two of you had had on your first date, and Seungcheol darted past the host to pull your chair out for you — just like he had done that night. You couldn’t help but giggle as the host took a polite step back, telling you your waiter would be with you shortly before disappearing.

As you looked around the terrace, with its twinkling golden lights and stunning view, you couldn’t help but notice that it was otherwise empty despite it being prime time, with the sunset only minutes away and the weather perfectly comfortable. You kept your gaze on the city as Seungcheol took his seat.

“It’s beautiful out here,” you said. “I’m surprised it isn’t more busy.” When you looked back at your boyfriend he seemed to be blushing slightly, and he ran a nervous hand through his hair.

“About that,” he said, looking up at you through his lashes. “I managed to get the whole patio reserved, just for us.”

You felt your heart skip a beat. Seungcheol let out a sheepish chuckle, and you reached across the table to take one of his hands in your own; he met you halfway, his nervousness melting away before your eyes. 

“Do you like it?” he asked, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Like it? Cheol, I love it. It’s amazing.” All the tension left his shoulders as he sighed, smiling across the table at you in relief. His dark eyes reflected the fairy lights strung up around you, making them look like shards of the night sky as he gazed at you.

“It’s what you deserve,” he said. His tender expression warmed your heart, but before you could think of anything to say to express how you felt, the waiter suddenly appeared on the terrace with menus in hand.

“I was going to order ahead and fully recreate the first date,” Seungcheol whispered, leaning across the table as the waiter set the menus down. “But I remembered you said a lot of the things on the menu looked good, so I thought we could try something new.” You let go of his hand to take hold of your menu, shaking your head in disbelief.

“You really thought of everything, didn’t you?” 

“I definitely tried,” he chuckled. The two of you fell into a comfortable silence as you looked over your options, occasionally mentioning what sounded good to you until you both finally settled on your meals. You made sure to get different things so you could each sample each other’s meal — something which had become a regular part of your relationship.

As soon as the waiter had finished taking your orders and gone back downstairs, Seungcheol propped his chin in his hands and flashed you a cheeky smile.

“So,” he said. “What do you do for a living, Y/N?” You nearly choked on your water trying not to laugh at him, which quickly caused his innocent act to crumble.

“You already knew that on our first date,” you retorted, glaring playfully at him. He let out an exaggerated sigh, leaning back in his seat. You let your gaze trail down the column of his throat as he threw his head back in mock exasperation.

“I know. Do you have any idea how hard it was to think of what to say to you? I was so nervous.” 

“You? Nervous?” you teased, taking a sip of your wine. Thinking back, you couldn’t recall a single time Seungcheol seemed to be at a loss for words with you — even when he was nervous, he could think of something to say. However, now he met your playful look with a serious one, though he was still smiling.

“Well, yeah,” he said, his dark gaze seeming to pin you in place as you set your wine glass down; you couldn’t even think of looking away. “Why wouldn’t I be nervous going on a date with someone as beautiful as you?” 

You smiled, feeling genuinely touched by his words — though it didn’t take long for your anxieties to flare back up with the direction the conversation was going. Hurriedly, you took another gulp of wine, hoping he didn’t notice the sudden, slight tremor in your hands.

“Flattery will get you nowhere,” you said. Then, after managing to soften your expression and calm yourself down a bit. “But good food always will.” Seungcheol laughed and lifted his glass to clink against yours. However, as he lowered his glass down to his lips, he hesitated. You raised a questioning brow, hesitating as well.

“What are we toasting to?” Seungcheol asked, wine glass still poised near his lips. 

“I don’t know,” you replied, scrunching up your nose. “To us?” 

You had half-expected Seungcheol to laugh your suggestion off, but instead his gummy smile reappeared, eyes practically glittering as they met yours across the table. He lifted the wine glass again slightly.

“To us,” he repeated, voice low and soft as velvet. You felt your cheeks warm as you both took a sip of your wine, and wondered if the alcohol was already hitting you or if Seungcheol had just managed to start affecting you that much.

Remembering what had occurred in the car, you felt your face grow hotter and took another sip of the wine, not quite ready to admit the truth of the situation even to yourself.

The rest of your dinner went off without a hitch. Seungcheol had managed to rope the waiter into taking a few photos of the two of you with the setting sun as your backdrop. Even though you had felt a bit embarrassed on the waiter’s behalf, you had to admit that the photos turned out beautifully — and it was just nice to have them. Most of your photos with Seungcheol were selfies. 

Both of you left the restaurant in high spirits, filled with wine and good food. You had loosened up considerably after your silly toasting situation, and by the time the two of you had descended the stairs to get back in the car your cheeks hurt from smiling so much; your boyfriend seemed to be in a similar predicament, reaching for your hand and kissing the back of it. The two of you stepped onto the sidewalk laughing over something that had been said over the course of the evening.

However, the moment Seungcheol sat down in the driver's seat, he seemed to become tense. And in response, you found yourself tensing up, too. He buckled himself in and placed his hands on the wheel, but didn't move to shift the car out of park, merely sitting for a moment. You watched as he lightly drummed his fingers against the top of the wheel, only pulling your eyes away when he drew his hands back. 

"Okay," he started, letting out a long breath. He unbuckled again and turned his body towards you. "I was kind of hinting at this all week and I don't know if you didn't notice, but, I really want you to spend the night. And if you don't want to, I'll drive you home right now, but— but I have an extra toothbrush because I bought a two-pack and you can borrow my clothes if you want, and my friend taught me this great pancake recipe—" Suddenly, he stopped himself short, sucking in a breath through his teeth. You felt as though the whole world outside the car had stopped, watching as your boyfriend's eyes darted down to his fidgeting hands. 

"I just think we should talk about it. And I wanted to do that in person."

Your throat went dry again, but this time it felt more like choking. Just looking at Seungcheol you could see how genuine he was; how nervous, how hopeful, how loving, and while you knew it should have eased your mind your heart squeezed at the thought that you could lose all of that. Even though deep down you knew Seungcheol wouldn't be shallow enough to break up with you because of scars, you just wanted to seem perfect to him for a little longer... there was no harm in that, right?

And yet, looking at his uncertainty, you realized your dancing around the issue had hurt him. Or, at least, made him less confident. 

You licked your lips and took a shaky breath, but you could only find the courage to start speaking when you weren't looking directly at him. 

"Seungcheol," you started, and his gaze snapped up, searching your face. "I— I want to. Trust me, I do, I just… I'm scared." When you managed to glance up at him, you noticed that he looked both crestfallen and concerned. He inched towards you, gently taking your hands in his, offering you every possible out if you wanted it. 

"What are you scared of, baby?" You realized as he said it, as you looked into his big, soulful eyes, that he thought you meant you were scared of him. Immediately you felt your stomach plummet, and you squeezed his hands in yours, swallowing hard. 

"It's just— you haven't seen me without makeup or anything yet, and my skin," you cleared your throat, trying desperately to fight the way it was wavering, but you found it cracking and shrinking nonetheless. "It's not pretty. I don’t… I don’t like how I look, I don’t feel confident. So I’m scared you won’t want me anymore once you see what I really look like, a-and—” You paused, taking in a deep breath in an attempt to make your voice stop shaking, but it proved useless once you tried to continue,

“Things have been going so well and I don’t want to ruin anything between us… because I’m really falling for you, and it’s just… it’s just hard…” 

The more you spoke, the closer you felt you were to crying, and so you closed your mouth tightly in fear of letting loose a sob instead of words. You'd had such a nice dinner, and all you could think was that you were ruining a perfectly romantic gesture with your tears. Suddenly, it felt as though your mind was running a mile a minute, straight into a scenario where Seungcheol left you and all your insecurities behind for someone with less baggage and more suited for him— 

"Hey," he said, softly, halting your inner turmoil. "I'm scared, too." At that, you couldn't help but balk. 

"What?" You blurted. Then, with more clarity, "I mean, why? You... there's no reason for you to be scared, honestly." Your thumbs ran gently along his knuckles and you followed the movement with your eyes, feeling sullen and guilty and a whole cocktail of emotions you desperately wished to expel. You let out a watery, humorless laugh, 

"All my life," he started, voice soft. "I've compared myself to other people. I've always been, I don't know, soft-looking?” His lips pressed into a thin smile, but the corners of his mouth seemed unable to stay up for long. He cleared his throat, and you wondered if he was feeling as choked up as you were, voicing his insecurities,

“I tried so many diets and workout routines, and for a long time I was really pushing myself too hard. I'm still not always happy with how I look, but I'm healthy and I know that's what matters most." 

Seungcheol gently squeezed your hands, and so you looked up at him, surprised to find his eyes shiny with unshed tears. 

"I'm not the most fit person. I'm worried you won't like what you see, that you'll want someone more manly, but—" One of the tears finally fell, and you found yourself removing your hands from his grasp to take his face in them instead, gently wiping under his eyes. He closed them, letting out a shaky breath. 

"I want you to know all of me. I want you to have all of me."

"Cheol." His name left you practically on a whimper, and suddenly you realized you were crying again. You leaned in and pressed a quick kiss against his lips, which he quickly reciprocated. Before you could get distracted you pulled back, resting your forehead against his,

"Abs or no abs — nothing's going to change how I feel about you." 

"That's how I feel about you," he replied, hands coming to rest on your waist. You found yourself letting out a watery chuckle, and Seungcheol was quick to respond. 

"What?"

"We're silly, aren't we?" Seungcheol hummed at your statement, leaning in to press another quick kiss to your lips. 

"No," he said. "Your feelings, whatever they are, are important. Let's just be honest with each other from now on, even if we think it's silly." You nodded.

“And,” he continued. “Let’s try harder to see ourselves the way we see each other, okay?” He reached up for a moment, smoothing some of your hair behind your ear. His smile was so fond, his eyes so tender, and you found yourself practically melting into the leather seat.

“Deal,” you said, and Cheol grinned with his now-sparkling eyes.

“Good. Because I think you’re perfect.” You felt yourself blushing as he leaned in to kiss you, but with renewed confidence you chased after his lips as he pulled away, successfully stealing another. And another as you let your hands move behind his neck, threading your fingers through the hair at his nape. Seungcheol grippes at your hips more tightly, sighing into your mouth. You whined slightly as he pulled back, but Seungcheol was quick to distract you. 

"So," he said, a smirk playing at his lips. "Now what do you think of spending a night with me?" A giggle escaped your lips. 

"I'd love to," you said. However, as he leaned in for another kiss, you playfully pushed him away. "But only if you promise to make those pancakes in the morning." Seungcheol rolled his eyes but couldn't keep himself from grinning as he drew his hands away from you to buckle himself back in,

"Your wish is my command."

With that, you sat back in your seat, buckling yourself in and grinning across the console at him.

Seungcheol kept his hand on your knee the whole drive home, only removing it to make the necessary turns to get to his place. You had a feeling he knew what he was doing, and by the time he pulled into the parking lot of his complex your nervousness had been replaced with a desire to be near him. You laced your fingers through his as you followed him up the flight of stairs to his floor, both of you grinning and giggling like teenagers. 

By the time you made it up to his apartment you could barely keep your hands off each other long enough for Seungcheol to put your blazer and purse down. You looped your arms around his neck and brought his face down to yours, kissing him hotly, wanting to know that he desired you just as much as you did him. 

And if you had any doubts about it then, they were dispelled by the following morning when you found yourself in his kitchen, his hoodie barely managing to hide the marks along your collarbone. You could smell the pancakes even from back in his bedroom, but now your senses were overloaded with their sweetness combined with Seungcheol’s familiar musky scent.

“Morning,” you greeted, shuffling into the kitchen. He cast a glance at you from his place before the stove, smiling immediately at the sight of you.

“Good morning, gorgeous.” You let out an amused snort, though you were glad he couldn’t see your blush as you admired him from across the kitchen. Seungcheol might not have been confident with his body all the time, but obviously your admiration of his physique the night before hadn’t gone unnoticed as he stood shirtless making breakfast. A part of you worried for a moment about him being so near a stove without anything to cover his chest, but you assuaged those fears by looping your arms around his waist, providing the cover yourself.

“How are you feeling?” Cheol asked, using his free hand to lift one of yours to his lips. He pressed kisses to each of your knuckles, and you giggled as you softly pressed one of your own to his shoulder before nuzzling your cheek between his shoulder blades. You could feel the gentle laughter rumble through his chest, his skin soft against your own. As he let go of your hand you tightened your hold around him slightly, sighing contentedly as you replied,

“Perfect.”

[tuancore]

Purple Hearts || { Part 3 } :

Starring- Jinyoung x reader.

Genre- Angst | Non-Idol AU , Disorder AU.

Summary- I'll continue to love you for as long as I'm breathing, but I won't let my love come in between your happiness.

*GIF not mine, credits to the owner*

"I thought you were going to stay at BamBam's place toni—", Your words were cut as Yugyeom grabbed your arms harshly making you yelp in pain. "You're hurting me Yugyeom!", You informed still struggling to remove his hand but all he did was give you a stern look.

"Hurt? You say hurt huh?", He chuckled sarcastically before yanking your arms from his grasp, "Do you even know what you fucking got yourself into?".

"Yugyeom!", You yelled at his language.

"No Noona, not today!" He shouted back with those fierce eyes which you have seen only once or twice in your lifetime, "You..." He pointed his fingers at you as he spoke "You are the one who is responsible for everything!".

"I don't know what you're saying", You muttered softly turning around avoiding eye contact. "You don't know? You don't know?! Woah! Such a great actress aren't you?".

You exactly knew what he was referring to but you didn't want him to rub salt on your wounds gulping a tight knot in your throat, you said, "Yugyeom not now".

"Not now, then when? You never fucking told hyung that you liked him! You never told him that you have loved him every single moment of your life since you came to know the meaning of love!....." He added roughly, "But I never interfered I thought— actually all of us thought that you will confess to him yourself! But look at what you did....you gave his hand to Somi?".

"I didn't do anything... Jinyoung loves Somi, not me" You informed still your back facing him. "Yeah you are correct... because you didn't do anything for yourself....for your love....for your heart .....but you did for Jinyoung hyung!".

"I didn't do anything for anyone! He loves Somi and he's marrying her that's it!" You snapped, "Don't get me involved into this".

"Jinyoung hyung told us that it was you who helped him with Somi, he told us about all the date plans....all the outings that you planned for them..." Yugyeom blurted monotonously grabbing your arm again and forcing you to face him, "You fucking became a matchmaker!".

"Why would you do that to yourself? Why?" This time your brother's voice utterly soft, his eyes glimmering with tears, "I did it for him..." You whispered as a tear slipped down your left cheek, "I did it for Jinyoung, I did it for his happiness....".

"You shouldn't have....Why don't you ever think about yourself....... even for once? When will you understand that his happiness is not everything"

"That's where you are wrong....his happiness is everything for me, he is everything for me", You expressed with so much pain in your voice.

Yugyeom knew that you were not only hurting but were broken after what Jinyoung has done today. He shouldn't be getting angry at Jinyoung, he has absolutely no right to but he can't seem to stop thinking about your heart. He has spent all his age watching you caring for him and loving him.

"Then why are you crying ? You should be enjoying and celebrating his happiness but here you are in your room....crying your eyes out", Yugyeom whispered lightly.

"I'm— I'll be alright it's just a moment of weakness I'll overcome this, trust me", You stammered wiping your tears from the sleeves of your dress, "You should go back, you promised Bam for a sleepover remember?" You chuckled trying to ease the tension.

Yugyeom kept quiet observing your facial expressions even if you laughed and proclaimed to get better, he understood that you won't. You can never get over your broken heart, your broken soul and on top of everything you can never get over Jinyoung.

"Go or should I call BamBam to carry you?" You teased pushing him out of your door but he was in no mood for humour. No words left his mouth but he obliged to leave you to yourself for now.

"I'll be one call away", He said walking away from you.

_____________

Since that night you avoided seeing Jinyoung at all costs, you were not hating on him but you needed some time to collect yourself so that you can face him again. You drowned yourself into your job doing overtime as well. The thing that also chewed you from inside was Yugyeom's silence, he no longer got excited seeing you coming home with handful of his favourite take outs, no longer went outside for fun or drinks.

"Yugyeom!" You shouted from outside his bedroom's door when he refused to come out, "Yugyeom! Come out please! Please!".

"My stomach is full, I have no appetite for more", his monotone landed a hard slap on your face. He was purposely trying to avoid you as well it was so clear. "Yugyeom I know you're angry at me but please don't vent your anger out on food....you....you haven't eaten anything since previous night".

"Why do you care? All you care about is Jinyoung hyung then go and care for him! I don't need your consolation!" He shouted.

"Please Kyum don't do this to yourself, think about yourself", You practically begged him after all he's your little brother.

He unlocked the door standing tall in front of you, with those emotionless eyes folding his arms to his chest, "Hypocrisy! You are telling me to think about myself when you yourself doesn't think about yourself".

"That's a different topic Kyum, come one let's eat", You commanded holding his wrist dragging him downstairs to the dining table.

"Why don't you let me starve? Why are you trying to feed me when I don't want to?" He asked vehemently yanking his wrist from your grasp. "Because I'm your Noona, you're my little brother, I can't see you suffering!", You expressed boldly.

"If I'm your brother...then you're also my sister, how do you expect me to stay calm and watch you suffering alone? You think I've not noticed how much stress you're taking on yourself just to avoid hyung and his thoughts? That I've not heard you sobbing in the middle of the night? That I've not noticed how miserable you have become? You think.........it's a good and pleasing sight for me?.......It's been three weeks and all you've done is cry every single night, skip meals and overwork yourself.....you promised me that you'll get over him and this......", He circled your face in air with his index finger, " This is not called moving on....you're destroying yourself from outside as well".

"Then what do you expect me to do?" You challenged him.

"Tell him that you love him", he stated without any trace of humour, "Tell him everything about your feelings for him".

"I—I can't d—do that".

"If that so then I've absolutely no problem in informing him myself", He shrugged.

"You won't do that Yugyeom...." You pleaded, "He's getting married in two and a half months—".

"So what? His marriage or his love life is none of my concern but you are....and I can't let him love someone else while you're on the verge of dying!" He yelled in rage "And now the choice is yours either you tell him that you love him or I will......you have a week".

With those words he rushed back inside his room slamming the door shut, he got you into a dilemma if you told Jinyoung that you love him, you always have loved him and only him— he'll definitely reject you on your face and the things will get awkward between you both, even more than strangers or worse if he decides to break all strings with you.

Technically the same thing will happen even if Yugyeom were to tell Jinyoung. Holding your head in between both your hands you tried to contain yourself, by the way Yugyeom is reacting you're dead sure that he will not step back from his word.

"A week.." You sighed to yourself, "What am I supposed to do?".

My Neung Neung :

Hey why are you not answering my calls?

My Neung Neung:

Yugyeom told me that you're busy with some paperwork but I miss you.

My Neung Neung:

Please let's hangout this Sunday just you and me like old times.

My Neung Neung:

It's so boring without you T_T I'm losing my mind please lets meet up please please.

My Neung Neung:

I'll fill your inbox unless you call me or text me.

My Neung Neung:

Please! Come on girl you can't be that busy to not talk to me.

My Neung Neung:

Y/N !

Y/N !

Hellooooooo!!!!

Anyone there!!!!!

Hey my bestie!!!! Your Jinyoungie is missing you!!!!

He needs you!!!

Come on!!!

You can't avoid me like this !

I love you Y/N!

His messages brought that smile to your face which you had been missing for weeks now, he really had that impact on you. Your eyes stopped at 'Your Jinyoungie' and 'I love you', you felt your breath hitching your mind shouted that it was out of friendly love and gesture but your heart said otherwise that he really needed you and that he loves you like you love him when you knew it can't be possible.

Surely you had been successful in avoiding him for straight three weeks but he never stopped calling you atleast hundred times a day, doesn't he have Somi to look after or call her over if he wants some company, however this is the first time he has messaged you in these weeks. And seeing how much you yourself missed Jinyoung, you couldn't bring yourself to ignore him anymore, so you decided to message him back.

You :

Sorry I was really busy with my job but I'll be free after tomorrow.

Let's hangout together on Sunday.

Clicking the send, you sighed heavily wondering about what you'll do regarding Yugyeom's threat when your phone buzzed again you unlocked it hoping for Jinyoung's reply but the name on your screen got your mind spinning.

Aunt Park :

Let's meet tomorrow at my house, no excuses.

And don't worry Jinyoung won't be there.

Part 2 | Master list | Part 4

______________________________________

[tu-mint]

“The Lemonade” Guy Pt. 1

When Jade realizes her feelings for a certain schoolmate go beyond a friendship, she makes a tremendous effort to rid herself of it.

Song Inspo(s): Wicked Games - Kiana Lede; I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Hercules

International AU!

Word Count: 4k+

~

There was rarely ever something Jade tried to avoid other than the topic of Manu. The reactions that came upon his death were much too triggering to her anger, and she refused to allow that level of rage to overcome her again; thankfully this was not the case. Now while that was a relief, the actual issue being avoided proved to be almost as troubling, and the foreign girl did not realize the matter until recently.

UA High was bustling with noise and movement, people curious about the UA students from different parts of the world. Jade was blessed to have been shown secret entrances and passageways by Ren as to avoid news reporters. While it wasn’t anything she wasn’t unfamiliar with, the second year student knew uncomfortable and personal questions would turn up if given the chance, so she decided staying in the shadows would be safe for now. Stepping onto school grounds, Jade found Maeda, Kubo and Ren chatting with two students she could not recognize. One was a girl with long cyan hair and a bright expression, and the other a boy with his head turned away from the trio. Hm...maybe they're new kids? It was difficult to tell whether or not they were around the same age as her, but Jade concluded they were older looking at their height. The girl craned her neck to look over her shoulder then gasped loudly.

"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshisthisher?!" She sped towards the international student and stretched a hand outward, grinning widely. "Nejire Hado, third year here at the original UA! You must be Jade, I was just asking your friends about you, and I heard you were from Los Angeles! Tell me what it's like! Is the food really good? What about the school? Is it different from the UA here? Ooh, what about your father? Is it true about him being a Pro Hero? What's his quirk? Is it like yours? Wha--"

"Easy Hado, she just got here," Ren intervened with a light chuckle. "Well, she already introduced herself, so that leaves the guy hiding behind her, Tamaki Amajiki, also a third year student. He's a bit shy as you can see." Jade leaned on her side to find the indigo haired male from earlier, head hung low and arms crossed tightly. She gave a small smile when he peeked up from the locks curtaining his face, pleased when he gave a single nod.

"It's nice to meet you both," chirped the foreign girl with a bow to which Hado squealed.

"And she's respectful! Ah, such an intriguing new person to meet--oh! I have to introduce you to Mirio, you'll love him, most girls do. Now where is he--" She scampered away with Tamaki in tow, slipping into the sea of students and staff members. Jade watched on with a scowl on her face. Most girls do? What is she trynna say, that I'm gonna be part of some bandwagon? She felt a hand on her shoulder pulling her out of her thoughts.

"She didn't mean it like that," came Ren's voice again. "Hado has a very blunt and unconventional way of speech, don’t mind her."

"It's something she can work on considering she wants to pursue becoming a Pro Hero," Maeda interjected, her tone flat but firm. Jade hummed in agreement and looked amongst the other pupils. Upon seeing the many faces, her eyes became fixed on one that stood out.

In a large crowd of females stood a tall and bulky male, his smile gleaming and proud. He appeared to be speaking to them, a round of giggles following soon after whatever he’d said. There were a few international students Jade recognized taking pictures with him and handing him slips of paper, presumably with some kind of social contact on it. That must be who the girl was talking about seeing he has an entire--wait a minute! It wasn’t until he looked up that she realized why the male seemed familiar. That’s the guy who I ran into at the entrance! The one who gave me that stupid nickna--

“Gemstone!” 

Jade cursed inwardly as he advanced in her direction. She glanced at the entourage behind him, their faces surprised or annoyed, and it didn’t help that some of them were now moving closer too. Her feet were glued in place as the male stood before her, a cheeky grin evident on his face. Blonde hair, blue eyes, nice body...definitely the same guy from the first day.

”Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten my name already,” he chuckled, crossing his arms. Jade noted how the gesture made his already defined muscles tighten. An odd tension arose in her abdomen, but she quickly dismissed it and cleared her throat.

”Togata if I remember correctly.” The foreign girl bowed, remembering her manners. It was best to keep a respectful image considering the person before her was not only older, but one of the most skilled students attending the original UA. “It's good to s—“

”Togata, I need some help getting to my classes," a voice suddenly cut in. It came as a realization to Jade that a majority of the girls from earlier were now surrounding them. The person who had spoken was an international student herself, but she didn't look too pleased that all the attention was on someone else. Her hand crawled up Togata's arm in a suggestive manner before resting at his shoulder. "I'm not too familiar with UA Japan's complex," she continued, "so it would help a lot."

"Ooh wait, I think I need help too!" someone else from the crowd piped.

"I do as well!"

"Me too!"

Soon numerous hands were tugging at the tall male with pleads and demands of showing them around the school. Jade watched as Togata weakly smiled and tried to talk amongst the bunch with reason; it proved useless as they continued to grab at him from every direction. An unusual feeling rushed to her torso again, but something felt much different from earlier. In place was a strong stinging sensation, not enough to hurt but enough to generate irritation. What in the hell--

"Something wrong, Lofota?" Maeda's voice snapped Jade back into reality. Ren and Kubo were before her, curiosity etched on their features. From her peripheral line of vision she could see the bulky third year being dragged away with a familiar cyan and indigo haired duo following close behind.

"We saw Togata and his groupies approach you, but you looked as if you were ready to jump at one of them," Kubo remarked. "I personally don't mind, just give me a heads up next time so I can record it for memories." Maeda rolled her eyes at this.

Jade chuckled and shook her head. "It wasn't anything like that, guys, I think my mind was just occupied with something else. Let's try and get to class before news reporters start breaking through the gates." She walked alongside the trio and listened to them explain UA Japan's school system and the events that were set throughout the year. Despite her nonchalant attitude, the sting remained in Jade's stomach; she figured it would go away after some medication and rest.

~

It took a little over a month for the second year to realize that the peculiar feelings in her system were not an overnight situation. Jade took matters into her own hands and recorded when her stomach fell into any eccentric sensation, noting what, when and how much she ate and any possible patterns. When food appeared to be free of guilt, she tried looking at her sleep patterns and clothing for clues but was met with the same result. Her concern had caught Ren's attention when the medic pupil found her seated on a hospital bed speaking to Recovery Girl.

"Hon, I've ran multiple scans and checkups and found nothing," sighed the elder. "Your health is in great shape and according to your own data, it seems like you're doing just fine. Maybe try laying down, it seems this issue with your tummy is stressing you out." Jade complied wordlessly, but Ren could see that she was still in heavy thought. When Recovery Girl exited the office, she took a seat beside the bed and peered up. "Thinkin' real hard over there, aren't you?"

Jade turned on her side with a groan. "I just wanna figure out what the hell is wrong with me, it's starting to piss me off."

"What've you been doing?"

"School, hero training, eating, sleeping, the usual."

"Any foods you can think of that caused that pain?"

"No, but that's the weird part!" The foreign student sat up and pulled a leg to her chest. "This feeling I keep getting, it doesn't hurt. It just--it doesn't...I never had this before, but I'm not sure if that means I'm doing something wrong that's causing my body to react the way it does."

Ren arched her brows in search of an answer. "Can you maybe describe this 'feeling' by comparing it to something? Or perhaps using a metaphor? Just so I can understand this better."

"It...well, there's usually two kinds of reactions. At one point, my abdomen feels light but constricted, like it can't take anything in because everything is squeezed out. When that happens, I also feel my heart rate pick up, and my body feels overheated." The medic nodded and gestured to continue. "The second feeling is more like a stinging one, or like a burn--yeah, burning would be a more accurate comparison. When my stomach gets like that, I get really annoyed, but there's only so much I can do when the problem is internal. I tend to get more of the first reaction than I do the second, if that helps."

It was an interesting explanation given, and Ren understood why Recovery Girl struggled a bit providing help. She was quiet for a long time, but just as her friend was about to speak, she asked another question: "Does this ever happen around a specific time? Specific person? Maybe a certain group of people or things?"

Jade blinked before lying down again, her attention focused on the ceiling. Is there somebody or something always near me when this happens? She reeled through all the faces and names she'd ever interacted with, staff members, students, strangers, but no exact nouns came to mind that she could recall triggering this reaction. The foreign student shook her head.

"Huh, well...what's the earliest you recall first feeling these sensations?"

"I think the earliest I felt it was when I was talking to Togata and--" Almost immediately the rest of Jade's sentence died on her tongue. Ren quickly caught the abrupt end and tried to make understanding of what had just happened. The memory was clear as day in her mind, meeting Hado and Amajiki, Togata walking up to her with immaculate bulging muscles, the crowd of female students hauling him away and the indefinable feelings in her abdomen, it all began to click. However, looking over the details of that time, Jade realized that the sensations ultimately activated when she was around--

"Togata."

She whipped her head in surprise.

"Togata is the cause behind your odd abdominal feelings," Ren smiled, "which tells me this is definitely not a medical issue." She bit back a laugh at the disbelief on Jade's face. It seemed she understood what was being implied as she began shaking her head feverently.

"No no no and no, you better not say what I think you're about to say, Ishikawa."

"Aw, c'mon now Jade, you can't be upset at me! I was just trying to help you understand the cause of your stomach issues, looks like it was just butterflies the whole time."

The foreign student grimaced. "Ren, please don't."

"But it's actually cute! I personally think that you both--"

"REN I GET IT, STOP."

Jade sat in irritation until her friend ceased laughing, then hopped off the bed and brushed off her uniform. The medic pupil stood up immediately and pulled her into a hug, chuckling lightly. "Well, now that we found the root of the issue, what are you gonna do? Am I helping you plan a confession?"

"I'm gonna get rid of it.” Ren's snickering stopped. Jade's face and tone was enough to say she wasn't kidding.

"Heh, I uh...I don't think I heard you correctly?"

"Get rid of it. I'll just distance myself from Togata so that my mind can adjust it's thoughts towards him." She hurried after her friend down the hallway. Students buzzed around them, lively chatter and activity surrounding the pair.

"Wait a minute Jade, I'm not understanding how this is being helpful."

"Ren, the more time I am not near him or able to visibly see him, I'm more than a hundred percent sure that whatever these annoying feelings are will dissipate. When that happens, I can go back to being in the guy's presence without any weird aura surrounding me, but until then, I'm following a strict 'No Togata' routine."

The medic student scoffed in amusement. "Routine? Jade, that's the most ridiculous thing I've heard a UA student say. I say just let it happen and see where it goes from there. Who knows, maybe he possibly could return--"

"Ah--" Jade stopped and held a hand up. "I'm gonna stop you there for two reasons. One, the sole reason anyone should attend this school is to pursue some kind of a career, and this applies especially to me. I was sent here as a representative because UA Los Angeles trusts me to execute and display my skills as a potential Pro Hero, not to go messin' around with Japan's kids, let alone the top students. I have an entire city depending on me, Ren, I can't mess this up." She sighed and took in another breath. "Two, if anything, I am far from his type."

"His type? How can you even know that if you only ever said hi to the guy like, three times?"

"Context clues. If it isn't directly in front of you, look at everything around to find your answer."

Ren deadpanned. "And what exactly did you look at to find your answer?"

"Upbeat, lively girls," Jade replied as if it should've been an obvious answer. The pair entered the cafeteria which was more cramped than usual. Staff members were present, most likely by Nezu's word to have travelling students feel more welcomed. All Might stood among the teachers with a countless number of admirers already circled around him, all different years, sizes and appearances. A certain green haired boy appeared to be of his utmost interest as he practically shouted in the student's face. Ren chuckled at the sight, but she noticed her friend's attention was focused elsewhere.

Her gaze was closed in on a table swallowed by a swarm of students. Some were people from earlier that were practically throwing themselves at Togata, and it seemed no different as he sat at the center of the table enjoying his lunch. Hado was seated across from him, her expression as bright as ever, and beside them was a shaking Amajiki, his head rested against the structure’s surface. His nervous movements ceased, however, and Ren smiled seeing the cyan haired girl had slipped her hand into his, returning to her conversation with ease. Jade also noticed the subtle gesture, but she wouldn't help feeling a pang of annoyance at the audience surrounding the blonde boy. She didn't realize she was watching so intensely until his eyes crossed the room to meet hers. Crap! Immediately Jade looked away, unsure if she was more embarrassed about getting caught or feeling irked over a guy. You're here to represent your school, show your worth of an upcoming Pro Hero. Stop getting distracted! Distance! "Ren, let's get some lunch. I'm sure Tokoyami and the others are awaiting your presence."

"Our presence." Jade smiled as they strode across the cafeteria. The medic always made sure she felt included no matter what the situation was; it eased her thoughts greatly, which was something she needed.

~

Another month passed and Jade had almost become like a second Maeda, so intently focused during school hours and hero training. Even on off days, the international student went about her own activities, only ever seen for meals or rest. Her bond remained close with Ren, Maeda and Kubo in various ways, however, and she was present whenever a hangout commenced, so it seemed like everything was completely fine. Ren's teasing had become more discreet (much to Jade's relief) and she created a codename for the blonde third year.

"'The lemonade'?" Jade cringed. The two met up for a walk through town one day, and it seemed safe enough to discuss the matter since they weren't near school grounds.

"I think it's pretty subtle, and keeping the word 'the' in the codename would have people assuming we're actually talking about a beverage. Plus," the medic eyed her friend, "the guy is a tall glass of lemonade if I do say so myself, heh."

"Ren don't--"

"Lemonade sounds good right about now." She froze. It took everything in the foreign girl to not begin speed walking as soon as she heard the familiar upbeat voice behind her. From the look on her friend's face, Jade's assumption of Togata's presence was true. Unfortunately true. She slowly turned around, a faux smile in place until her eyes fell upon something hiding behind the male.

It was a little girl, she could tell that much, with long snowy locks spilling from behind Togata's calf. The child peeked up from her spot, red irises meeting Jade's indigo ones. The foreign girl was locked in place as she suddenly recalled her family. She thought of her parents' cooking and singing, her brothers' livelihood for sports, but she was especially reminded of her sister. Youngest and the only other girl in the line of siblings, they did a lot together. From shopping together to painting to singing to sightseeing, Jade realized how much she'd missed them. The exchange of words between Ren and Togata were a muffed noise as she crouched down, entrapped by the little stranger.

"I'm Jade, it's nice to meet you." The words slipped out like butter, and thankfully it didn't seem to frighten or discomfort the child. She looked up to the male for approval, then stepped forward and let his hand go. 

"My name is Eri, it's nice to meet you too," she squeaked with a bow. Jade was awestruck by her politeness and shifted onto her knees to bow in return. When they both straightened up, Eri bore a wide smile and returned to Togata's side.

"Gosh, Gemstone, thought you were ignoring me for a sec." Reality hit the foreign girl immediately when she met the blonde's gaze, and her stomach felt tight again. Damn it, not now! Calm down, breathe, breathe, don't overreact. She stumbled getting back on her feet and managed a sheepish expression.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she apologized more aggressively than she meant to. "I was just so surprised seeing you with a kid, and she just--"

"Oh? Do you think I'm not good with kids?" He raised a brow. 

Crap, why does he have to look cute doing that. "I never said that," Jade rolled her eyes. "I was just surprised seeing you outside of your whole entourage, that's all." She cursed at her choice of words. Now I just sound like I'm hating on him.

"My entourage? Sounds like someone's a bit jealous."

"Ha! Boy, ain't nothin' to be jealous of." The second year held her ground as the bulky male challenged her with a smirk. Ren cleared her throat, acknowledging her presence and causing Jade to force herself back. She didn't realize how close she'd gotten to him during their small banter, but it was definitely closer than what she was comfortable with. "Ren, uh, I believe you were talking about something, yes?"

The medic peered over in amusement. "Yeah, I was talking about lemonade, which since you're here Togata with little Eri, I believe we can all get some together." Damn you, Ren!

Eri gasped before tugging on the male's sleeve. "Can we please, Mirio?"  The sight made Jade's heart swell, and she couldn't be upset if it was an adorable child asking to accompany them. He beamed down at her and nodded his head.

"Ladies, you may lead the way." During the walk to a mini cafe Ren knew of (thanks to Tokoyami), Jade observed how attentive and caring Togata was with Eri, playing games or cracking jokes that made her laugh. Citizens passing commented on their closeness in adoration, many praising the third year for looking after the child with such passion. Even when there were those who tried to flirt with him, the boy paid them no mind and brushed off their efforts. Jade didn't know him too well, but she knew it would be difficult to want to be away from the guy, especially after seeing this side of him, away from the crowds, away from the hero limelight. Togata truly was someone to admire. A familiar tightness returned to her torso, but for now, she was okay with it.

She was pleased being able spend time with Eri herself, learning more about her likes and hobbies. A lot of what the young girl enjoyed Jade discovered was also liked by her sister. "What's her name?" the child asked, munching on a pastry. The horn atop her head glimmered in the sun while she finished up coloring a drawing.

"Her name is Carolei," the international student smiled, "but my family and I just call her Lei."

Eri dropped her coloring utensil on the table and leaned forward. "Can I call her Lei, too?" Jade looked around as though someone was listening to their conversation, then nodded with a wink, much to the child’s delight. They giggled and chatted, forgetting about time and enjoying getting to know one another. The second year felt as though she wasn't in Japan, but back in America with the people she'd cared about and loved; it felt good to bathe in the comfort and reminisce of home. Someone had gripped the back of Jade’s chair; she turned assuming it was Ren until she was face to face with a broad chest and the strong aroma of musk. Her heartbeat boomed in her head and she slowly turned back to Eri, allowing her nerves to calm. Ren bit back a laugh, but a tug on Jade’s hand distracted her from making a slick comment.

"Jade," said Eri in a small voice, "I have to leave now, but...do you think we can hang out another time?"

A sudden idea popped into the second year's mind at the young girl’s request. With a kind smile, she squeezed Eri's hand reassuringly. "We'll have plenty more days to hang out, hon, just me and you."

"Ouch, and what about me, Gemstone?" Togata whined, a hand on his chest in offense.

"Ah, I'd rather not be attacked by your fangirls. Besides, you have Amajiki and Hado to hang out with, and I know you see Eri almost every day." Both parties waved goodbye before continuing on their own paths. Ren and Jade were in a comfortable silence until the medic let out a sigh.

"You literally just missed your opportunity."

"Girl, what? If anything, I'd say I just opened the door for an opportunity."

"Opportunity for what? You literally shut the guy down."

"With good reason," the foreign student argued. She wasn't rude in her response to the older boy, and it was honest! The last thing Jade needed was rumors tainting her name simply for the fact that she hung out with one of the big three alone, especially if they were of the opposite sex. "Anyways, back to the opportunity I was talking about. I think Eri can help me out with this."

~

Happy New Years everyone! Thought I would just drop by with this little piece since I have been lagging quite a bit lol, anywho, just a little bit of love for our favorite blonde boy since I don’t see too much on him. Be safe everyone! Like, comment & share!

OC Creds to: @gureii (Ren, Maeda, Kubo

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Whatever Keeps You Up At Night

Boy, this fic has been one I've been picking at for months. And while it's not perfect, I think I'm going to go ahead and post it cause I feel pretty good about it. There's a few song, movie, and poem references. I'll be surprised if someone gets them all.

In this fic the reader thinks about sleep

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Clouds drifted across inky skies. Your central heat was cranked up just enough to leave you defrosted, but not any higher in fear it could fail. You thought of getting something to drink, but you didn't want to leave the warmth and comfort of your bed. Winter wasn't your favorite season, but it reminded you of him.

Oh, if you would've been in his home, there certainly would've been more sound. It wouldn't have necessarily come from the house itself, but from him; his breathing, footsteps, or the light whistle of his teeth which covered up his snoring; its sound feeding the springtime in your heart. If you had gone over when he was ready to go to bed, he would've stayed up and entertained you. Yet, none of that could've taken place if he wasn't home. So, you weren't in his home, you were in yours.

In the sharp corners where shadows laid, you dared not step until it was noon. In the daytime, though mostly in the evening was the draft which never went away and gave you a chill; causing you to wrap your duvet closer. It smelled like Ricks detergent, and you were surrounded by the night. You weren't a stranger to its lonesome ways, nor were you acquainted with it, but you existed in it; willing yourself to be anything other than awake. Try as you may, tonight's sleep might not come so readily, because you already begun to think about him and dearly wished he was home; on earth; in this dimension; anywhere close if he could help it; except for right now where it could not be helped that he was on assignment and that you had to be without him much longer then you wished, but you would wait as well as go on because you did have a life; albeit a little bland without him. 

At night, while part of the world was quieting down, other parts were waking up and heading off to work; you could do either; so could he. Sometimes you would work through the night, especially when you had an idea itching to be written, but most often you would sleep; or at least try to sleep with hopes of having sweet dreams; at times your dissociated thoughts having found their way back to you. You had never been much of a dreamer, and you rarely liked to dream; you never felt rested enough in the morning after, but at times it was nice; more so if Rick was in them. Thoughts of how he was doing kept you up at times - as it was doing now - and you could only wonder where in the universe he currently was, but you'd almost forget about it if anxious thoughts took over, and problems you hadn't solved reappeared. Sometimes thoughts of the past intermingled with your dreams; as pleasant or heartbreaking as they could be.

Tossing and turning were options you could accept, but if he was available, you'd call Zeta-7 to hear him, and allow his cheerfulness to ease you into a gentle submission; to relax beyond compare, and leave you in a decent enough mood to doze. Why, you could listen to him explain anything from quantum mechanics to the variety of animal mutations which existed in a galaxy far, far away; to be lulled and softened by his cadence, was a treat you wouldn't have traded for anything in the world. If it happened on the rare chance that you were overcome by exhaustion, you'd just fall asleep as soon as your head hit your pillow; not understanding how or when you'd close your eyes, though you were always grateful when you did. However, if it so happened that you woke up randomly without a cause, but from a feeling, then you knew; you had just missed him; his existence being like a midnight soliloquy; like a ghost, he was sometimes there, but then wasn't; it wasn't that difficult to see why, but it still surprised you nonetheless.

It seemed that once you had given Rick the permission to visit whenever he liked, he did; being woken by the familiarity of his presence on more than one occasion. It was neither ambiguous or obscure, but there, like the air you breathed, being a living, positive force of goodness; vital to your existence. Just when you thought there were no other comparisons to be made, he continued to become and shape himself into the extraterrestrial being that he caused himself to be. Oh, some days you would miss him something fierce, but whenever you'd find yourself so alone, you'd remember that he'd come; whenever it was that he could.

Now, he wasn't sloppy, nor did he hide that he had come by, but he was careful. Quietly, he would check about the house, then would step into your bedroom with caution as though sleeping beauty might wake. At times you only caught the blur which barely stepped out of the doorway, or was soothed by the hand which smoothed out your hair, and other times it was just his scent which lingered; an echo of his existence. Once he sang you a Mexican love song, which made your heart burn, and it seemed interwoven into your half-woken state; having been so drowsy you thought you had dreamt it. And because he worked at random hours, and sometimes for days and weeks at a time, he'd come and lightly kiss you hello and goodbye before going back to work, though your recollections were few. It was precious, and you enjoyed it; at least when you were conscious of it. Most of the time, however, you were only aware of the warmth which touched your cheek and of the blanket which had been placed over you when you were cold; these being the other ways in which he showed you he loved you.

Yet, it happened one night, just as you were about to go to sleep after having spent a better part of the day typing, you saw the familiar green glow in the hallway, and then saw him come through your doorway. He looked at you as though you were a ghost, and you stared into the dark, your nowhere man being there; somewhere out of your reach. As you were about to turn on the light, his gentle touch stopped you. Unsure of what he was about, you didn't struggle as he pulled you into an embrace, but having him squeeze you with all his might, trembling despite himself left you unsettled. “Ricky," you wondered; a flutter of anxiety starting to build in your chest. "what's the matter?”

“I-I-I wish I could just stay here with you,” he began in a low voice; the scent of smoke and disinfectant coming off of him as you rubbed his back. “where n-nothing bad happens.”

He had smelled like this before; as though he had been busy with janitorial duties instead of sorting through papers or lab samples. “Bad day?”

“Y-yeah."

Bad wouldn't be the beginning as to describe it; of that you were sure. You assumed it was another case where he was responsible for the lowly, more humble work which his workmates didn't care to do; or was assigned as to demean him; bullied into doing; likely all of the above. “I'm sorry,” you softened. “I hope it wasn't that bad.”

“It's - I'll b-be fine. I just - I-I had to see you.”

A chill ran through your back. Under any other circumstances, you could've interpreted that as one of his romanticisms, but his quiet desperation brought about a fresh wave of worry instead. "But can you see me in the dark?"

"I wouldn't have been able to if it wasn't for my bionic eye. Did I-I tell you about that yet? I'm sorry if th-that sounds gross."

"I don't know if you told me yet. I guess now is a good time as ever, but maybe you can explain it in detail another day."

"I'm s-sorry, I know you were about t-t-to go to bed, but I - all I could think about was you."

Warmth flooded your cheeks, and you wished you had worn something cuter instead of an old pair of pajamas, but you knew he didn't care. Zeta-7 was lovely that way. You tried to think of something flirty to say in return, but a yawn escaped you instead."Boy, I really have bad timing, d-don't I?" he commented.

"Dear, don't get me wrong, I love having you here," Which was true in all respects, though you wondered if you could put him at ease. "but maybe… perhaps it would be better if we went to the living room. I can get you something warm to drink if you'd like.”

“Y-you don't have to do that." he said in a hurry. "Besides," he continued. "don't - don't I look better this way?”

Wrapping your arms around his neck, you cooed. 

“No, you don't. Why would you say that? I already know you as you are and I can say for certain that you are the light of my life. To me, you've always been handsome. In fact," you smiled up at him; unsure if he could see your sincerity. "you're the man of my dreams. I dream of you, of that darling smile, of your winning personality which lights up my days, and of your sweetness. Your unconditional sweetness. If you don't believe me, you can always check my dreams.”

“Gosh, if life….si la vida pudiera ser u-un sueño," he sighed, "then I'm sure it'd be you. If I-I had the time it'd be nice if we could - if I could dwell there; in that dreamland of yours. I bet it'd be swell, and normally I'd think all of that - all of which you suggested would be swell, but today hasn't been--it hasn't been that kind t-t-to me."

"I know, but isn't there anything I can do for you Rick?"

He didn't answer. You moved a hand to caress his face in hopes of soothing him but instead found a bump on his right cheek which caused him to wince. “What was that?"

"It's - it's nothing."

"Don't you lie to me Ricardo," you reprimanded. "this is something."

Gingerly, you followed where his skin was warmer than usual and was raised. Your heart sank at the thought of what could've happened. "Oh no, did they…. did they hurt you? What happened?"

A noise escaped him, but he neither confirmed nor denied. This, in turn, made you reluctant to want to return him to the monsters, but you knew he would go; whether or not you wanted him to. The villainy which existed in his kind and Zeta-7's rarity made him such an easy target. You had talked to him about it before, about how he should speak up, but the harsh reality of his situation prevented him from doing so, and you wondered how much more would they try to take from him. True, he wasn't a broken man, but even bravery needed its encouragement and you were going to love him all the more for it because that's all you could do at the moment. "My sweet, sweet man, do you know what I love about you?"

Passing a hand through his hair, you were careful not to brush his cheek, to which a sigh escaped him; the likes of it as though he only just now began to calm. You continued. "I love that no matter what, you'll persevere and continue to be determined. You're so strong, that I couldn't be prouder, but please, don't let them take you away from me."

The arms which had almost been lenient in their affection held you a fraction tighter; immovable in the way in which you were grounded. It was as though being in want of comfort, he in turn desired to return in kind; his impalpable emotions giving way to simpler, softer ones.  "I missed you. I-I missed this. Warm hugs and a-affirmation."

"If it's hugs you want," you replied softly. "you can have as many as I can give you. Affirmation? I'll give you enough to reach the moon. I'm no scientist, but somehow, I know you could make it come true."

Warm lips kissed your forehead, and a relieved chuckle brushed your cheek.  "The math w-would be nearly impossible."

"So there's a chance." you giggled.

Leaning in close enough, he pressed his forehead to yours. "Yes, th-there is if you believe it enough."

"I do believe, but more so I believe in you. How...how can it be that someone as incredible as you would be harmed by people who look the same? To hurt my man of all people? I ought to get some training and become your bodyguard or something. It just isn't right for anyone else to touch even a hair on your head."

“It um - it was an accident. I sh-should've been paying attention to where I was going. I know it seems bad, but it isn't." which you knew wasn't completely true. "However, I'll get it treated. I-I promise.”

"Why don't you let me take a look at it? I have a first aid kit in the hallway. And while I never finished my medical training, I know enough to treat this. Please, why not let me play nurse and help you feel a little better?"

“M-mi corazón, I would rather y-you don't see it. It looks worse th-then it actually is, but it's fine. Really, I-I swear it is. You've already done more than enough.”

Pulling away a bit, you wondered. "Have I? It seems all I've done is talk you into oblivion, but what about you?" 

"Wh-what about me?" he wondered.

"It isn't like you to swear. I haven't heard you swear yet." you teased, pressing a soft kiss on his injury. "I doubt I ever will." 

"It's not th-that kind of swear," he began to explain, but then he stopped, thought for a bit, then chuckled. "but I-I-I see what you're - I understand the joke."

You noticed that Zeta-7 avoided standing in the moonlight, and while you couldn't really see him, you didn't relent in your expressions. “Man, if I would've known you were coming over, I would've dressed up a little and made sure there was extra food for you to eat. I'm sorry.”

“It's alright, I-I already ate. I finally used my coupon for Rick's Diner near main street."

Playing with the collar of his sweater you wondered. "Was it any good?"

"It um - it was alright, but I think next time I'll pack some food to warm up. You um - you smell nice by the way. I'm sorry if I-I smell.”

By now, you had gotten used to the variety of smells which could've wafted off him. He had smelled better and worse before, but that only added to his curious ways and charms. "Well, if you're so worried about it, then why don't you stop being so shy and come a little closer. That way you could smell like me."

The silence which proceeded was almost frightening. Hmm, you might've gone too far again, but you couldn't help yourself; half the time he opened the way for light teasing. And yet, you had told yourself before that it wasn't so kind to play with an old man's heart; despite the best of intentions, it might not have been perceived that way, but in the quiet of the room, you could feel his mature heart quicken at your words, and the light rustle of clothes as he fidgeted despite himself. He was so adorable, it was almost criminal, but before he could stumble upon himself in embarrassment, you added. "I was just kidding. Goodness, I guess I have bad timing too. At least where jokes are concerned. Still, to have you here…it's better than a dream."

Again, there was a silence that proceeded and you felt the tug of doubt, but he broke the silence with his sincerity. "I-I never thought you - that I'd be so lucky to enjoy moments like th-this. Let alone with a-a woman."

"In the dark?"

"Whenever. I'm s-sorry I still get embarrassed, but you make me nervous at times. Y-you can be a little unpredictable."

"Good," you brightened. "keeps things exciting. Though, everytime you say something like that, it makes me wonder if it'd be the last time I'd hear you say it. It better not be."

"In my line of work," he admitted solemnly, "there's always a-a chance of that happening, but it's not - I don't like to think about it. However, it does make me appreciate that I'm able to have someone when I - when I'm lonely. I know how pitiful that sounds and how much I repeat it, but you don't know how it's been a great comfort. If you weren't here I'd…"

Though the words died in his throat. You had a feeling as to what he might've meant to say, and frankly, you were glad to not have heard them. Rubbing his back, you cooed. "It's okay. It's all going to be fine. I don't mind how many times you tell me, because I know how much you mean it. I'm right here if you need me. As I am now, and always will be. If you'd like anything...if you need to or want some fresh clothes to change into, I'm sure I can find something around here that might fit. If you want to stay here with me, that's ok too. Whatever you need, I'll be happy to help."

"Allowing me t-t-to come here is more than enough." 

Resting a hand on his chest you wondered. "Are you sure? You could stay. Couldn't you stay?"

"I-I wish I could princess. You don't know how much I'd rather be here, but I-I don't want them coming here t-t-to retrieve me, so it's better if I go soon."

"Why?"

"If the guard Rick's have to retrieve me one too many times, they might limit my portal gun use and I'd rather avoid that."

"I swear, I think there's a curse keeping us apart."

Caressing your cheek with the pad of his thumb, he chuckled. “By now, I ugh - I suppose I've become a bit of a broken record, but I promise I'll make it up to you. Curses and swearing aside that is."

"I know."

You didn't want him to go. Not back to those people who couldn't appreciate him. How he put up with it you didn't know. “Maybe one of these days, you could skip out on work and we'll go somewhere. Maybe we could go to Blips and Chitz, and I'll try that one dance game designed for spider people. Wouldn't that be nice? Then we could go see the Jerry's and I can get asked embarrassing questions all about you. How does that sound?”

Bending down to kiss you, he winced but kissed you nonetheless. “That would be swell, but w-we can't go tonight. I-I should get going. I had wanted to make sure you were safe, but it's nice t-t-to see you up. I hope you didn't mind me barging in this way.”

“I don't mind, but I only wish that I could be awake more often when you're here.”

“I-I know, but it's okay. I usually can't stay for long anyway.”

What a shame it really was. You hid your face in his chest, relishing in the warmth and softness of his sweater while you still could; foolishly hoping that he would change his mind. Who would've known he could be so stubborn. Then again, you couldn't find fault in that. “Maybe if I ask the sandman hard enough to bring me a dream," you admitted in a girlish voice. "then I'll see you again real soon."

"I will see you. Y-you only have to look for me."

"In my dreams?"

"If y-you believe."

You pulled him in for a kiss then, pressing peck after peck knowing that he would disappear. You knew he didn't get enough affection already, and he'd have to make due with what you could give him, but was it really enough? You'd never know. With one arm around you, his other was digging around in his pockets for his portal gun. And just as his fingers lightly brushed it, you stopped him and handed him your favorite stuffed animal. “Huh? F-for me?”

“Mhm. That's Bimbo, he'll be sure to keep you safe. He um…my dad had always told me that this stuffy would keep me safe and I consider him one of the dearest friends in the world, but right now I know I'm not the only one who could use a friend. I'm sure he'd be happy to keep you company for a while."

"But h-he's important to you."

"True, but you're the most important to me. Now, something to remember is that he likes to give plenty of hugs and enjoys tea parties, though he would never readily admit it."

"I-I like those things too."

"See? You two are going to be good friends. There's no doubt that you two will get along."

The arm which had been holding you about your waist held you a fraction tighter, and if you hadn't given him a light push, he might've not been encouraged to go. “You gotta let me go now. I don't want you to get in trouble. Please, just make sure to return to me in one piece. Understand?.”

“Yes, I-I-I do. I will.” he answered, before opening a portal and stepping through. 

The warmth he had brought was already growing cold. And checking the time, you were sure that you weren't going to get a wink. So dragging the duvet cover with you, you plopped yourself on the couch and flipped through Interdimensional cable, until you found a movie you've might've watched a dozen times before; snuggling into the pillow that still smelled like him; hoping that he will be fine.

Fin

[creedtheconquer]

A Christmas Miracle (Pt.1) AU

Request-"Hey hoe I got a request for you do a Micheal Mafia boss au with a female reader and he helps her out like she drops her wallet and he finds it and sees she’s not doing so well so he feels like helping her only to over time fall for her and then so on."

Summary-"(Y/N) is a struggling college student who loses her wallet, only for Michael to find it and he takes a liking to her and starts to shower her with gifts but the catch is, she has no idea who he is."

Pairing- Michael Langdon x Reader

Warnings- slight angst, slow burn, slight fluff

*This story kicks off day 4 and I really hope you enjoy this. This will be a series that I'm already starting to fall in love with! Remember my ask box is open and I'm always taking requests! I write for Cody and any other character he has played minus David for obvious real life reasons and I wish to respect him as a person as. I also write for other AHS characters.*

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Day 1

It was just like any other dull morning, minus the fact it was December first. Michael didn't hate Christmas per se, he just never had a good memory of any past Christmases. His childhood was all sorts of fucked up, a family that never really gave a shit about him and who quiet literally threw him out onto the streets. He bounced around from place to place not really staying for long, never fitting in, never belonging anywhere. As he got older, now in his early 20's he's made a name for himself. Sure it wasn't of the best circumstances but how he saw it the world chewed him up and spit him out like he was poison, so he figured why the hell not and became the poison the world thought he was. He wasn't a fast acting "poison", no he was one of those classy poisons. He never bothered to get his hands dirty, he had people to do that for him. He also wasn't a bad person but if someone pressed his buttons the wrong way they had hell to pay. After his rise to power everyone stop looking at him like the freak no one cared about and started trying to be the biggest kiss ass, trying to get on his good side but he saw through their facade.

(Y/N) was a 22 year old sophomore at college who was just barely scrapping by. Her home life growing up wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either, her dad left when she was in middle school leaving her mom to raise her alone. Her mom had a steady job so money was never really a problem. Once (Y/N) graduated high school her mom gave her two options, either go to school or be kicked out. So weighing her options she opted for school but her mom was no help really, yeah sure she would send a carepackeage every 3 months or so but that was it. Thankfully she got a full ride thanks to her high test results but that only pays for school. She was stuck with paying for her own place and food, which she was barely managing to afford with her 2 jobs.

Her day was going just as shitty as it could be, she was late to class, got chewed out by her professor and on top of everything her mom called and threatened to disown her because she got a B- in one of her classes. She had just made it home from job number one only to realize she didn't have her wallet on her, "Fucking good one (Y/N) that had all your money in it." She said to herself bitterly.

Michael had just walked out of the small coffee shop when his foot kicked something, "What the hell?" He questions looking down to see a wallet. He bent down picking it up and he opens it, inside he finds an ID that told him the owner of said wallet, one (Y/N) (Y/L/N). Also inside the wallet he found only about $100 max along with credit cards and a few business cards. Turning on his heels he heads back inside to ask, "Um excuse me does anyone know (Y/N) (Y/L/N)?" He asks as he leans against the small little counter, it coming to just above the middle of his thighs due to his towering form.

"She works here, how can I help you?" A guy Michael assumes is the manager comes forward wiping his hands on his apron.

"I'm an old friend, and I just got into town I was just wondering if you had her address wanted to drop by and surprise her." Michael say flashing that charming smile he knows works on everyone. Sure enough the manager nods grabbing a napkin and he writes down the girls address.

"Here you go, she's lucky to have a friend like you." He says shaking softly and Michael smirks enjoying how much power he has over anyone he comes into contact with.

"Thank you." Is all he says before dropping his smile and he turns and walks out of the shop.

"You lost your wallet?" Rachael asks (Y/N) as the dinner rush calms down.

"Yeah it fucking sucks it had all the money I had left for the rest of the week." (Y/N) groans cleaning off the plates she had just picked up.

"Do you know where it is?" She asks and (Y/N) shrugs leaning against the counter looking at the clock.

"My other job, or any where between there and home who knows." (Y/N) says taking off her apron getting ready to leave.

"Well I hope you find it." Rachael says and (Y/N) nods collecting her stuff.

"Thanks Rachael." (Y/N) says giving her a hug before heading home.

Michael knew he shouldn't have entered her house, magic or other wise it wasn't right. When he got to her little apartment he was just going to leave her wallet on her door step with a little note but when he got there he just felt the urge to go in. He chocked it up to not wanting to just leave her wallet out for anyone to take, so he took it upon himself to enter and leave it on her coffee table. He was going to leave right after, he really was but once he got a look around her apartment he noticed she was worse off than he first thought. Not really much food in her pantrie or fridge, a small couch and a small tv on the opposite wall. Not really any decor, it was all just so plain. He cursed himself for entering because now he felt the urge, no the need to help this complete stranger. So he did the best he could do for the time being, he found an envelop and put $500 inside with a little note. Then like that he left not leaving a trace anyone was there and on his way out of the building he told the person at the front desk to put the envelop in her mail box.

"Really good job (Y/N) You can't find your wallet anywhere." She says to herself as she enters her building. She pulls out her keys and goes to her mailbox pulling out the stack of envelops and magazines. She sighs turning and making her way up to her apartment. She opens her door and turns on the light and enters before closing the door behind her. She throws the mail on the coffee table and turns to go walk into the kitchen when she stops and turns back towards the table. There she saw it, her wallet sitting perfectly in the center of the table, right where she had thrown the mail. She walks around her couch and she takes a seat picking up the wallet and she opens it, sure enough it was hers. She laughs shaking her head, had it been here all along? She questions in her head as her eyes shift to the mail and she sees an envelop that simple reads "From A Friend." She sets her wallet down and picks up the envelop and she examines it. She notices it's kinda think and heavy but she shrugs as she opens it. She nearly throws it when she sees the money inside, tears form in her eyes as she takes out the little note.

"I know you don't know me yet, but I've noticed you struggling and I felt the need to help. So I've left you $500 dollars hopefully that is enough for now. I have a feeling this won't be the last time you hear from me or the last times our paths cross." It reads and she sees it's signed with two simple letters, M.L and a tear falls from her eyes.

Day 5

"Ms. Mead I have a job for you." Michael says sitting back in his office chair as his adoptive mother stands on the other side of his desk.

"Yes, what is it?" She asks placing her hands behind her back and he smiles up at her.

"I want you to keep a tab on (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and report to me anything you find out about her." Michael says folding his hands into his lap and his pale icy blue eyes shine with wonder.

"Right away." She says but she gives him a questioning look to which he waves her off.

"Thank you Ms. Mead." He calls after her as she closes the door.

"Do you know who this person is?" (Y/B/F) asks as her and (Y/N) relax at her place.

"No idea but he has left small little gifts after that $500." (Y/N) shrugs placing her drink on the coffee table.

"It sounds like you have a rich, powerful secret admirer." (Y/B/F) teases causing (Y/N) to blush.

"Oh as if." (Y/N) fires back slapping (Y/B/N)'s shoulder.

"So any news?" Michael asks later that night as he gets ready to leave.

"Her favorite color is (Y/F/C) and her favorite flower is a (Y/F/F)." Ms. Mead says and a smiles finds its way on to Michael's lips.

"Perfect." He whispers to himself, grabbing his jacket and he leaves making a beeline for the nearest flower stand.

"How can I help you tonight sir?" The lady at the stand says and he can see her check him out. He scoffs giving her a once over before waving her off.

"I would like a bouquet of 12 (Y/F/C) (Y/F/F) for my girlfriend." Michael says stressing the word girlfriend. It seems to do the trick considering she looked down disgusted.

"That will be $10." She says handing him the flowers and he smiles handing her the money.

"Thank you." He says very curtly before he walks away.

Michael makes it to (Y/N)'s apartment and a small smile pulls at the corners of his lips as he sets the flowers on the door step and knocks on the door before turning and walking away. He sees her open the door and then he sees the biggest smile appear on her face as she picks up the flowers. "There's my beautiful girl." He whispers to himself softly before turning and walking back to his car.

"Was it him?" (Y/B/F) asks from the couch and (Y/N) nods closing the door.

"Yeah it was." She says a smile plastered to her face.

"You're so hopelessly in love with him and you don't even know what he looks like." (Y/B/F) says and (Y/N) rolls her eyes.

"No I'm not." Is all she says setting the flowers on the table as she gets a vase and puts water in it before placing the flowers in it. Little did she know was she was destined to meet her secret admirer and little did she know she will fall so helplessly in love with him and he her.

@madamfae