#Doofus Rick x y/n

[sapphichorsegirl]

I did it! Still don't have a name for her though, but she's basically just a self insert

I like to think that there's also infinite versions of her across the multiverse, Doofus Rick just happened to end up with the edgy one

Yes, the quote is from ATLOK

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 5

Episode 6: Part 1: A New Evil

Call this the best week of (y/n)'s life. 

Lately, things hadn't been particularly eventful for her, her doofus or their little chaotic family. Well, apart from the few rescues and arrests they did every night as part of their secret superhero lives, nothing noteworthy had happened, not since that debacle at Cactus Con. 

Yeah, no one had yet worked out what that was about. Seriously, as much as (y/n)'s inner worrier was itching to work out who cracked their system and stole the world's most poisonous cactus, try as she and Schwoz might, every lead they got turned out to be a dead end. No clues, no hints, no traces. So, like most problems in life, the further their case grew cold, the further it was pushed onto the back burner and out of their minds. One month later and it was still a mystery but one left for a rainy day when they didn't have so much on their plates.

Dogs. That's what they had on their plates. Not in a weird, disturbing way; rather, there had been some weird charity thing that no one understood but since it was for charity, no one questioned it anyway. And this charity thing happened to involve dogs, much to (y/n)'s delight since she'd had to trade her chance at having one in the Man Cave with a rabbit, jigsaw puzzles and Piper's number one enemy, Jana Tetrazzini. A week-long awareness campaign for dogs. At least it sounded nice, even if the girl was stomping up Anger Avenue every time she heard that name.

Honestly, it was a bit strange since the money raised for doing the world's biggest puzzle was meant to help the dogs or something, which was weird but Miss Danger and Captain Man weren't complaining as they posed for pictures with the generous winner and her stupidly rich boyfriend. It wasn't exactly the kind of afternoon that they liked as there was way too much boot licking and pandering to that snotty-nosed brat for the heroes' liking but they got to cuddle puppies, so who could argue with that? Certainly not Ray as he watched his sweet girl fawn over an especially darling little Shih Tzu doggie, who he had to admit had stolen his heart too.

That was what they wanted to focus on, even though more pressing matters were at hand. It was all well and good to stick their heads in the sand and while away the day attending red carpet occasions and pretending like there was nothing to worry about, but there was. Rather alarmingly, there had been a recent video doing rounds on the internet, and it wasn't the kind that got clicks for the right reasons. It wasn't a cat video or a clip of a guy falling off his skateboard like a dweeb. No, it was a touch more serious than that.

Rick Twitler had been kidnapped. Shocker. Seriously, the guy was a billionaire, genius, inventor, tech-mogul CEO man, you'd think it'd be hard to take him and not have anyone on his security team realise but that was what had happened. He went missing and then a few hours later, a video of him looking dishevelled and panicked in his maroon suit appeared on the net, the kind where the celeb grovels for help and mercy from their captors. It was exactly the kind of thing that Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger should be worried about because when a guy has a hand slapped over his mouth before he can speak with a yellow glove with a strangely familiar logo on it, it's clear that things are serious. However...

"You hear that loud, buzzing sound in the background? I isolated it and ran through the Man Cave computers and— " Charlotte asked before being cut off as she analysed the clip in the Man Cave, intent on making some progress as to the whereabouts of Rick Twitler so she could send the resident heroes off on a rescue mission. 

And it would be nice to have some help from her fellow smart people, y'know mainly Schwoz and (y/n), the ones who knew how to do things right and presented helpful ideas to the small details that were assuredly on the screen. If only she had a few sets of extra eyes to help her see them.

"Aw, you are the cutest doggo I ever did see, you know that, sweetheart? Did you? Aw, you are my baby!" The girl was cut off by an annoyingly high-pitched squeal that came from none other than (y/n) as she cradled one of the dogs from the puzzle-Tetrazzini-dog thing—the only one that had caught her and Ray's hearts enough to bring her back to the Man Cave. 

It was honestly love at first sight for them and since she'd entered their lives, they'd barely put her down, preferring to love her as all couples do to their first dog before having kids. That's how they'd ended up like this; the pup on (y/n)'s knee as she cooed and squealed, her in Ray's lap as he cooed and squealed over her cuteness as well as the dog's, and then Jasper and Schwoz crowded around them to stroke her too. Honestly, it made Charlotte sick.

"She loves to have her ears scratched, sweet girl..." the hero grinned into his fiancée's ear as his fingertips rubbed into the soft fur of his new sort of pet, much to the creature's pleasure. She was so well-behaved and gentle that he wondered why he'd never brought one home before, especially when he saw how happy it made his sweet girl. 

Sure, they had Colin and of course, they loved him very much but she'd always had a soft spot for dogs. He couldn't miss the look of adoration on her face when he said they could keep it around for a few days, just another thing for them to bond over. He had a woman who was nearly his wife and a dog in his lap - his dream life was halfway there.

"So does my mom," and obviously, Jasper just had to make it weird. Oh, his mother, possibly the oddest woman that the couple had thankfully never had the joy of meeting but from the stories they'd heard, they didn't want to, so this was just another reason to add to the pile of avoiding her like the Bubonic Plague. 

"Don't make it weird, you guys," (y/n) muttered as she cradled the pooch, whom she'd called Kaitlyn, in her arms. Come on, she had her dream going on here; an adorable fur baby to adore and her hot fiancé to adore too as his frankly huge arms kept her close to his chest. She could've sat like that for hours, content to just relax into his back, feel his lips brush her cheek every few seconds and forget that they had responsibilities to attend to, but life was never that kind.

"Hey! I thought you were supposed to give that puppy to...Prince Fuh' Ard," Charlotte grabbed their attention whilst frowning at the annoyingly cute animal nestled into her friend's embrace so snuggly that she couldn't focus on anything else unless it was topping up her need for Ray's kisses. She could swear that it was the Shih Tzu for the millionaire boyfriend of Jana since she'd done something brilliant for charity or whatever, so it didn't make sense for them to have it. Maybe, possibly, perhaps, Ray had accidentally taken the puppy for his family because she was certain to get more love from them.

"Uh-oh, I guess I must've forgot! Yes? You like that joke? Yes, you like that joke!" The man joked, causing the lads around him to laugh at how he just didn't give a shit about technically stealing the dog that he couldn't keep even if he wanted to. It was true, everyone, even Charlotte deep down, had fallen in love with Kaitlyn and her gentle nature but they couldn't offer her a life in the Man Cave. They didn't have a garden for her to run in or the time to watch her properly when they were out being epic. Colin was quiet enough by himself since he was more of a solitary animal but a dog needed constant attention. Was it cruel to lie to themselves and say that this was the new normal? Maybe.

"As I was saying," Charlotte swiftly moved on before Ray's cutesy voice made her puke, "I used the Man Cave computer to isolate the buzzing and—"

"Man Cave computer? I thought that got hacked, like, a month ago." Ray frowned at the mention of that sore spot. Whilst he didn't have the brains to get to the root of the problem, he was still curious to know what had happened on that fateful day at Cactus Con because goddamn it, this was his home, his livelihood, his job, his family, he had a right to know who was poking their nose in and where. No one had updated him, however, probably because there was very little to tell, save that they must've been a genius to out-hack Schwoz.

"It did, but we never found out who did it doofus," (y/n) told him as her head gently thumped back against his breastbone to look at her lover from a funny angle. As cute as she looked to Ray with her face and neck stretched to their limits just so she could look at him, he couldn't help but feel a pinprick of panic at the revelation. Of course, he never paid attention to things, and clearly, he'd forgotten all about that disturbing event, but now that he thought back a few weeks, he realised that the whole thing had gone quiet.

"Schwoz, I feel like you should know who hacked the Man Cave computer by now."

"Yeah, I feel like you should know how to shut up and focus on your girlfriend, sorry, finacée, who should've worked it out by now--" Schwoz bit back instantly. He knew what Ray was getting at, as the resident genius, it was his job to know who was hacking them and why but it was quite a low blow. (y/n) was as savvy with the computer as he was and she couldn't work it out either, but nooo, Captain Man would never bite the head off of his sweet girl. Chastising her would be absolute madness - talk about double standards and blind love.

"Hey! Don't you talk about my sweet girl like that, you fuzzy, little coconut-head!"

"Excuse me!" As entertaining as it was to see the equally abrasive men bicker, Charlotte couldn't stop herself from shouting out. She'd been trying to get their attention for ages, having put up with the dog and now a brief chat, but an argument was the last straw. She didn't care if one was offended nor if the other was protective, she just wanted to speak her mind.

"Now, as I was saying, I isolated the buzzing sound in the background and you'll never guess what it is!" Silence at last. With the chatty boys and (y/n) quiet, the teen took her chance to fully explain to them that she wasn't too shabby with tech either, skilled enough to work on something that would crack the stagnant mystery wide-open. 

"Bees?"

"Oh, I definitely heard bees."

"Sounded like bees."

"Yes, bees..." the four replied quickly without much effort, preferring to focus more on Kaitlyn and her floppy ears, or in Ray's case, (y/n) and the soft curve of her neck. Even half distracted and low on brain cells, they were able to come up with the correct answer because let's be honest, how many things make a buzz?

"Or, you'll be able to guess it straight away..." Charlotte sighed and tightly pressed her lips together, feeling a little deflated that her brainy moment had been shot down before it had even been given a chance to shine. Still, at least she could say that her genius fed Ray's and inspired him to spur his processing unit into action for once.

"Oh! It's probably The Beekeeper!" He realised, lifting his head from his sweet girl's skin with wide eyes since his brain hadn't worked that hard in a long time. There was only one villain in Swellview who was known to use bees in a dastardly way and that was The Beekeeper, another nutjob that the city seemed to pump out by the dozen. That guy was forever dressed in a protective bee suit and with some magic or probably a mere trick, he commanded a swarm of bees to attack and do his bidding. In short, he was a pain in the ass for Captain Man and co.

"Oh, yeah, nice one, doofus! He's usually up at the Swellview Honey Factory, right?" (y/n) smiled at her lover as her hands stilled from petting the pooch on her lap. It wasn't very often that he got a brainwave but when he did, it was hot. And even when he didn't, he was hot. Perhaps the heroine was a little biased on that basis but when he returned her smile with a smirk, she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Yeah, we should go check it out, babe," Ray told her and without any arguing, although maybe a small pout, the woman rose from his knee with Kaitlyn to still cradled in her arms. Cue their second of heaven over, work was now calling and it wasn't like a pet was suited to a fight. As nice as it was to sit back, relax and snuggle for a minute or an hour, going to that factory was unavoidable, their moral duty and she'd die before letting him go there on his own. 

"Are you sure you guys don't wanna wait for Henry before you go over there?" Charlotte asked as (y/n) said her goodbyes to Kaitlyn in the form of a final few licks on her chin as Ray waited for her and pondered the words.

Being one sidekick down would be a problem, and he had made a promise to his sweet girl to be more cautious, but he also wasn't the most patient guy in the world. Did he dare wait when there was crime to be fought? Or should he stick around and go all gooey as Henry hauled his ass to the Man Cave, leaving him a good twenty minutes more to ogle his fiancée? Or should he take one more look at the dog who was a piece of his perfect future and panic at the thought of leaving her behind for bandits, brutes or buffoons to take?

"You're right...someone should watch Kaitlyn while we're gone!" The latter, of course. Screw Henry, the dog was more important.

"Oh my god, you named her Kaitlyn? Aw, I love that name!" Schwoz squealed as (y/n) carefully handed her over, ensuring that all four paws were safely in the small man's lap before she let her newfound baby go. It was an adorable name, not one that Ray would've gone for but as always, when his darling girl suggested it, he didn't have the heart to say no. He didn't have the heart to deny her anything.

"She is such a Kaitlyn!"

"Yeah, (y/n) came up with the name. It's perfect..." just like her, Ray wanted to add but he held his tongue in the interest of not being branded a soft lump by his friends. They already knew he was, of course, it was clear in the way he melted into her as she took a step back from the dog and returned to his side, arm immediately snaking around her waist like always. They already knew, but there was no need to add more fuel to the fire.

"Kaitlyn, look over here, sweetie! You get to see mommy and daddy get extra cool!" (y/n) grinned and spoke in a soft voice as if she was addressing a child, something she swore she'd never do with a dog that would never be able to understand but she couldn't help it, not with the creature that turned her six-foot, giant, hulking, god of a man into putty. 

Ray might have been reluctant to appear as a simp but she had no qualms, kinda like how Ray had no issue with dramatically following her lead and kneeling so the dog could get the best view of their transformation. He had problems showing others how whipped he was, he had no problem showing her. Kaitlyn just saw two humans become humans with shiny...stuff on them, but it was nice to think that she recognised how her enamoured guardians became Captain Man and Miss Danger.

The yap from her was a nice touch. Perhaps she knew what was going off after all.

"Don't worry, it's still mommy and daddy," the hero stroked her ears briefly with his lips twinged upwards in a growing smile. Here he was, the guy who thought he'd be a playboy bachelor forever, comforting his baby of a dog that he shared with his soon-to-be wife, who he was calling its mommy in a weird yet cute way. His family was nearly complete and he couldn't help but show the sheer joy it gave him on his face, so his friends were all thinking the same thing. Simp.

"Daddy, we have to go. Char, can you triple-beep Henry and tell him to meet us at the Swellview Honey Factory?" (y/n) struggled to keep her face straight as she teased her lover with the nickname that was seemingly so innocent given the context and yet it drove him up the wall. To the others, the man's shudder was invisible, the way his eyes fluttered shut probably just a reflex and his subtle gulp barely worth noticing but to her, it was so very telling. What was nothing to them told her everything she needed to know about what was going through her hero's mind. Filth.

"Okay."

"W-we should go, sweet girl," as Charlotte scampered off to go and call Kid Danger, Captain Man decided that it was time for him and Miss Danger to leave, preferably before anyone bar her noticed how affected he was. They'd be calling him more than just a simp if they did. So, he straightened his back swiftly, took his sidekick by the hand and lead her up to the tubes where they squeezed into one cylinder despite two being available. Why break a habit when it was so much better to hold her tight to his chest and feel her cheek rest on his shoulder?

"I love you," Ray couldn't help but whisper in her ear as the tube fell around them, sealing the sound from anyone else's hearing since it was too delicate and intimate for a third party. (y/n)'s lips curled upwards at the confession, having heard it hundreds of times by now, a sign that her doofus was making up for lost opportunities, but it could never get old. Not when he said it so genuinely and with so much emotion, leaving no doubt in her mind that he meant it.

"Up the tube!" Her tone was strong and commanding but the kiss planted on the skin peeking above his collar was soft and gentle - the perfect substitute for words. She could've said it back, lord knows that she normally would but that would lead to kisses and kisses lead to delays and hero work didn't like delays. But as they whooshed off, it didn't matter. The tickle Ray felt against his skin was all he needed to know that she meant it too. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words.

~Outside The Swellview Honey Factory~

Oh, yeah, actions speak louder than words. Frozen yoghurt does the same thing.

Okay, maybe hero work wouldn't mind a small delay in this instance, especially since the fro-yo joint was en route to the scene of the possible crime and no couple liked to have two spoons for one cup more than (y/n) and Ray. The chilly dessert was everything they needed to show their love as it gave them ample opportunity to feed each other spoonfuls over sugar-induced giggles. Heor wouldn't mind that at all, so they stopped off to grab one serving for themselves and because they were generous, one serving for Henry too.

And things were going great; they sat in the Man Van for a bit, drove the rest of the way, laughed, talked, chilled for a bit since the kid hadn't shown his face yet and that was fine whilst the frozen yoghurt was still that, frozen. However, theirs soon disappeared from their amorous waiting and the minutes ticked by into half an hour and soon, the couple were getting antsy. Come on, they'd been skulking around the alley next to the factory for ages, what was taking Henry so long?

"You're gonna have to call Charlotte, my fingers are gonna get frostbite if I have to hold this fro-yo any longer! Or, y'know...I'm gonna eat it!" (y/n) whined to her lover as they hovered around the back door for what seemed like forever. What had been a perfect scoop of strawberry goodness was slowly melting into a strawberry mush that would be more like a milkshake if Henry took any longer. It's not like they were impatient, well, Ray maybe, but they had their limits and if it wasn't claimed soon then they'd have no choice but to save what mush they could.

"Don't worry, sweet girl. I'm way ahead of ya," Ray gave her a soft smile as his thumb punched Charlotte's contact in his phone to start the dialling tone. If she was starting to get bored then lord knows how he was feeling, so each dull buzz of the phone in his ear was like torture, which was only tolerable thanks to the beauty smiling up at him with a calming expression. The kid would be here soon, there was no problem.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We're standing outside the honey factory, where's Henry?" Ray didn't beat about the bush as Charlotte answered the phone in a voice that was all too calm to say that one team member was MIA. Sure, the hero could go in with just one sidekick, but he preferred two, and going in without the kid seemed a bit mean given how much he liked to sink his teeth into the action.

"We don't know," Charlotte replied with more worry in her voice now, causing (y/n) to look at Ray with concerned eyes. Henry would never be on surveillance or lockdown but it was strange for him not to answer for work or even to his best friends. Maybe it was just her nervous personality coming through but the woman couldn't help but feel a sense of dread come over her as if storm clouds were on the horizon. 

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I mean, he never answered his Whiz Watch or his phone," the girl's answer didn't help ease her fluttering tummy. Phones could be misplaced or forgotten but the watch was something else; Henry only took it off for bed and even then it was right next to him in case there was a late-night call, so it was odd that he'd missed the beeping, a little too odd for her liking.

"Well, we got him a frozen yoghurt and now, we're standing here like idiots while it melts!" Ray exclaimed into the phone as his free arm came to wrap around his sweet girl's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, although he was still mindful of the cup of runny yoghurt in her hands. At least that earned him a smile, watery but grateful, and he followed it up with a peck to the forehead as he heard someone mumble in the background.

"Is Henry with Ray and (y/n)?" Jasper. That was Jasper, just his luck for him to ask dumb questions.

"No. And his frozen yoghurt's melting" Charlotte's reply was snappy enough to still be loud through the speaker despite her pulling away from her phone and the panic buzzing through the room wasn't helping matters. So, to sum up, no one, not even Jasper, the kid who kept tabs on his best friend at all times, didn't know where Henry was and it was highly unusual that he couldn't be located. (y/n)'s nerves were having a whale of a time.

"That's it! I'm going to Henry's house!" Jasper's shout could be heard as he ran off, presumably to the Harts' residence and for once, Ray had to hand it to him. Finally, a bit of action and he did not doubt that the boy would find his missing sidekick safe and sound, ready to fight crime. It was just a matter of dragging his ass to the honey factory. That problem was solved, but as always for the Man Cave team, there was another.

"Hey, listen. I've been looking at the hostage footage and there's this...symbol. And I really think something weird is going on with this kidnapping," Charlotte piped up as she zoomed in on a strangely familiar mark that was printed on the glove of whoever had been dumb enough to kidnap Rick Twitler. It was weird because she could swear she'd seen it before, the red and black design spoke to her memory but she couldn't for the life of her remember where it had been before, and without a definitive link to something important, Ray didn't pay it any heed.

"For sure, for sure...uh, what's Kaitlyn doing?" 

"Ra--Captain Man!" (y/n) snapped and whacked his shoulder lightly as he lost his focus so easily when Charlotte was trying to be serious and in favour of the dog of all things. However, she couldn't say that she wasn't curious to know too, that little girl was too cute for her own good and so was Ray as he went all smiley and soft for the creature he swore would never be allowed in his Man Cave.

"Uh, she's listening to Schwoz sing her a love song. Y'know, kinda like how you do for (y/n), but it's not a joke..." the teen told him, much to Ray's instant anger and (y/n)'s chuckles. When Ray decided to be corny and make her blush, it was all too easy to find the cheesiest love song on the internet and sing an out-of-tune racket to get his girl to laugh but with Schwoz, the tone-deaf music wasn't fooling around. That poor dog, whatever he was singing, Ray didn't want his fur baby to suffer it.

"What?! Kaitlyn's our dog! I stole her from that Fuh'ard kid fuh'air and fuh'square and gave her to (y/n)! When I come back and Kaitlyn smells like--"

"Uh, sorry, Char, Ray has left this planet, so just find Henry and I'll deal with...whatever this is on this end!" (y/n) seized the phone from her doofus' hand the moment he started going on about what their dog smelled like. So what if Schwoz was dogsitting in a...peculiar way? At least they had someone to take care of her whilst they were gone and more importantly, did he not think that storming the factory to take down The Beekeeper before he hurt Rick Twitler was more important? 

"Kay-kay, see you later!"

"Sweet girl! You didn't let me chew out Schwoz for singing to Kaitlyn!" The hero pouted as he watched his fiancé end the call and hand the phone back to him with a knowing, stern look on her face. There would be no pouting allowed right now because he didn't have a basis for his argument to stand on and given the urgency of their mission, his puppy-dog eyes wouldn't work today. 

"You can save the chewing-out for later! And don't look at me like that! Let's just get in there, kick The Beekeeper's butt and go home, okay?" Ray couldn't argue with her instructions, not when she introduced the idea of getting to go home at the end of all this. 

It was no secret that he'd rather be himself in a safe environment with her with no responsibilities, no matter how much glory Captain Man gave him and home now came with the bonus of sitting on the couch, with her cuddled up in his embrace and Kaitlyn on her knee. Home was the place to be and the sooner they got this job over with, the sooner they could return to heaven. Oh, how he hated and loved when she was right.

"Okay, sweetheart...but can we finish the frozen yoghurt first?" And how she loved and hated his compromises. It made her smile, the small break in the tension that always came from a challenging mission ahead and they found themselves giggling at his adorable question. Giggling in a dirty back alley with their enemies only a stone's throw away, that's what love did to them.

"Well, I'm sure Henry won't miss it, so why the hell not?" It seemed like such a waste to throw it away and besides, she was sure that the bad guys wouldn't mind waiting for a few more minutes.

~

Bam! That was the door kicked in.

With the tummies full of frozen yoghurt and the taste of strawberries still laying fresh on their tongues, Captain Man and Miss Danger stormed the factory, working their way through narrow passageways and corridors lined with pipes and valves that they assumed carried honey from one refinery to another. 

The place was a veritable maze with strangely no one about it. No minions, no workers, not even a secretary's desk for them to ask for directions at but no matter. With a small amount of luck, a smouldering glare from Ray, sheer determination and (y/n) grabbing his hand to go in what felt like a logical direction, they eventually made it to a crappy wooden door that just felt like the right one. Come on, it was practically screaming for his boot to smash the lower panels.

So, with one final check to make sure they were as ready as they'd ever been, the hero kicked the flimsy wood open with one powerful kick, allowing them to stomp in with menacing glares and clenched fists for whoever was in the room filled with honey-related technology. 

There were no soft touches now, no more sweet words of encouragement, that had been left for the last second before going in when Ray gave his sweet girl one last kiss before he lead her into the fight, something which played against his better instincts but she wouldn't go home now if he asked her too. No, it was time to kick ass, namely The Beekeeper's as they immediately locked onto him and his captive, Rick Twitler.

"Honey, we're hoooo---ohhhh, man, I just ate a lot of frozen yoghurt, give me a second," So much for a sick entrance line. What would've been a great way to start the fight proved to be quite embarrassing as Ray's poor stomach twinged at the sudden exertion of storming into the room. 

Exercise and a tummy full of dessert equalled a stitch. The famed hero was crippled by the intense cramping below his ribs and instantly, Miss Danger was by his side, ignoring their enemy in favour of tittering over her doofus, who'd decided to finish the majority of the fro-yo cup when she said she was full.

"Doofus! I told you to not eat too much!" (y/n) scolded him in a concerned tone, gladly taking some of his weight by letting his arms slide around her waist and his head drop to her shoulder. As much as she wanted to tell him off for eating too much before a fight, something that wasn't a problem at home but not so much on a mission, the barely audible whines that reached her ears made her frustrations dry up on the spot. What she wouldn't give to be able to lie him down on the couch and stroke his poor tummy until it was better.

"Captain Man! Miss Danger! I can't bee-lieve you found my hiving spot!" The Beekeeper quipped with a crazy look in his eyes at the sudden appearance of his enemies. He was another criminal weirdo who loved to throw in the odd, irritating pun whenever the opportunity cropped up and usually, they were stupidly clever. He'd taken a leaf out of the Time Jerker's book given by his manic appearance but honestly, (y/n) couldn't give a shit about his dumb puns, not when she had her doofus currently in agony.

"Yeah, look, creepy, he's not gonna be able to do all the clever back-and-forth stuff right now and I'm not particularly interested in any banter either," she replied dryly, not even sparing the villain a glance as Ray tried to stand up straight without pulling any more muscles.

"Dairy tends to back up on me a little..." Ray agreed and took a step back, though his hands stayed on her just because they could. It hadn't been a smart idea to eat so much before the fight, especially with food that his body didn't like at the best of times, not in large amounts anyway. Oh well, even with Captain Man slightly inebriated, the couple could handle whatever was thrown at them because truthfully, this guy wasn't the best villain in the city.

"Well, allow me to give you a swarm welcome!" The Beekeeper growled and thrust forward a can containing a swarm of bees, no surprises there. It was his thing, commanding bees and sending them to attack his enemies but the heroes couldn't say they were scared. Bees aren't that scary, wasps, yes, bees, not so much.

"Swarm! That's actually really good."

"Oh, wow, bees. Who would've guessed?" They grinned and rolled their eyes as the insects flew towards them, enveloping them immediately in a way that was slightly alarming but they didn't let it show, something to do with animals smelling fear or something. The stings came quickly for Ray, who was a bigger target for the bees but being indestructible, their stingers couldn't do much and (y/n) was just as fine. If she left them alone, they'd leave her alone too.

Perhaps it would be best for The Beekeeper to rethink his gimmick.

~Back in the Man Cave~

"SCHWOZ!" Charlotte screamed as she reached a breakthrough, having been working peacefully at the computer as Schwoz indulged in the time he had alone with Kaitlyn. Without Ray or (y/n) hogging her, he'd gotten the chance to bond with her over the past hour or so, but that was all about to change as Charlotte spotted something both brilliant and alarming.

"Ahhhh!" He yelped, causing the dog on his back to take a small tumble onto the floor when he jolted. They'd been having such a nice session of doga--dog-yoga--what was her deal with all the yelling? It couldn't have been that important, surely...

"What's on your problems?"

"Remember when Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger giant guy who talked to a towel?" Charlotte asked, not that it was easy to forget a guy like that. The Flabber Gas guy, the one who'd given Jasper the chance to be a hero and caused a mini earthquake in the Man Cave by setting off a minor argument between its resident lovebirds. Oh, and he remembered how (y/n) screamed bloody murder when he used her beloved Colin as a towel; fond, fond memories. 

"How could I forget? But I did forget, what about him?"

"He had the symbol from the hostage video tattooed on his neck. And it was on the bottom of his can of Flabber Gas," The girl replied, pointing to the monitor when she had two images of that weird design again, the one that kept popping up now that she was digging deeper. Talk about a conspiracy. 

"Okay..."

"And the scientists from Evil Science Corp had the symbol on their uniforms."

"What the hecks?" Schwoz was suddenly starting to understand this now as he held Kaitlyn to his chest like she was his (y/n) to his Ray. He didn't understand what it all meant but he was getting the sense of danger now, the kind that Charlotte was eluding to as she found more and more evidence of the symbol being more than just a symbol. Time and time again it had appeared during Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger's adventures; once was nothing, twice a coincidence, but three times, now it was just getting worrying.

"And when someone stole the world's most poisonous cactus, they left a card with that logo on it." Things were starting to pull together, pieces were falling into place and the puzzle was starting to unravel. Whoever was behind this had been planning something for a long time and was only now starting to show their hand, creeping out of the shadows to play their game properly.

"Oh my god! It was so on every screen in the Man Cave when the computer got hacked!"

"It was?!" Charlotte's eyes baulked out at the news. Well, that would've been nice to know a little earlier. Something told her that whilst Schwoz had laid the problem to rest and brushed off its seriousness when the trail went cold, things were actually related and went much deeper than any of them realised. All this time, the same symbol month after month, staying with them, plotting...

"Yes. It's like they've been fighting some secret team of bad guys without knowing it!"

"I know!" The revelation didn't bring them any ease, it only made them worry more as they feared what danger Ray and (y/n) could be in. If that many bad guys wore that symbol then who knows what they were up against and being the brainy little genius he was, Schwoz wanted to know the extent of the situation.

"Quick, do a search of that logo on all the public images available while I make baby-face with Kaitlyn," The man instructed the girl, who rolled her eyes as he fawned over the dog despite the gravity of the task. Now was no time to worry about the damn dog but she did as he said anyway, uploading the photo to the web and comparing it against hundreds of thousands of similar images in a matter of milliseconds. And the results were...unexpected.

"Oh my god..."

"Oh my god...oh my god..." They breathed out as they saw the matching result, although Charlotte threw Schwoz another judgemental look over her shoulder when he spoke for Kaitlyn, albeit in a higher-pitched voice that was dumb and inappropriate for the breakthrough they'd just made. "...is what Kaitlyn would say if she could talk."

Screw the dog. It was time to find out where the hell Henry was and tell him to save Captain Man and Miss Danger before it was too late.

~The Honey Factory~

Nothing had changed over the past fifteen minutes or so. The bees were still swarming, The Beekeeper was still annoying and the superhero couple were still doing okay. No matter how much he annoyed them, they weren't gonna let him get to them because he still had Rick Twitler gagged and bound as his hostage.

Poor guy, they had no idea what he'd done to deserve a kidnapping but they were gonna save him if it was the last thing they did because that was what they did best. Everyone liked Rick Twitler; he'd not only created the most popular site on the web but he was also charming, suave, intelligent and handsome. 

No one could deny that he cut an impressive figure in his trademark maroon suit, complete with his perfect hair and crisply folded, pocket-handkerchief, and (y/n) would dare say that if she was utterly in love with someone else she might have a teensy-weensy crush on him. Most women in the city did, maybe even she did once upon a time.

"You're through Captain Man! Sorry to bee such a buzz-kill but your bee-ancé is going to feel the sting too!" The Beekeeper cackled maniacally as Ray and (y/n) rolled their eyes, totally unbothered by the bees that had landed on their bodies. The hero was sporting a beard made of the insects, whilst the girl found herself with practically a new dress and they crawled along her skin, stinging only occasionally and even then, it was no trouble for her super-regeneration or his indestructibility.

"You done?" Ray asked in a bored tone, having no energy to bite his head off for threatening his sweet girl. Normally, he'd go into ultra-protective, alpha hero mode where he'd take down any man who dared to harm a single hair on her pretty little head but with this guy, there was no threat to care about. (y/n) was fine and could take care of herself and honestly, the stupid puns kinda killed any malice that the villain was trying to muster.

"Seriously, you're both not in any pain? There's like a thousand bees on you and your precious little sidekick--girlfriend...whatever," The Beekeeper asked dejectedly, having felt sure that his winged minions would've subdued his enemies by now given how much a bee sting hurt, but this was Captain Man and Miss Danger, they ate pain for breakfast--amongst other things.

"I'm indestructible. Bees can't sting me, so if anything, it just kinda tickles," Ray replied with a shrug. This was common knowledge by now, everyone knew that Captain Man couldn't be harmed even with a super-duper blaster weapon device, what was he thinking when he chose bees with their itty-bitty stings? They just brush against his skin in a weird, prickling sensation that wasn't all that bad and even if his sweet girl could be stung, he'd be the first to know if it bothered her.

"Yeah, and if you just stay still and calm, bees don't sting you, so I'm good. Plus, even if they did sting me, I'm Miss Danger so I'd only feel it for a second before the pain goes away, dumb-dumb," (y/n) joined in, pointing out that whilst she might not be on Captain Man's level when it came to power and ability, she still held some authority when it came to being injured. The bees didn't care about the being they'd landed on, they were merely content to wander around.

"Okaaaaaay, what about wasps?" The villain proposed, not seeing how he was still an idiot. Wasps are just the evil form of bees, and he called himself the expert, so when he pulled out his little insect dispenser again, Ray had no issue in zapping him with his laser control before he could release more bugs. That was enough of that.

"Moron." (y/n) stated dryly as the bees began to fly away, probably back to their master now that he was on the floor snoozing and for a moment, things were okay again. The rescue was going smoothly and the couple shared a relieved smile at how things how turned out.

Honestly, they thought that this whole mission was gonna be a disaster.

~Back in the Man Cave~

Of course, it was a disaster, they just didn't know it yet. 

In the last five minutes, Charlotte and Schwoz had been frantically trying to call Henry or Ray and (y/n) in an attempt to tell them about what they had found, where the couple was, what was happening and what they needed to do. 

So much to say, so little time and it didn't help that the kid they needed was still unavailable, no matter how many times they rang his cell. And to make matter worse, the heroes had their phones on silent or something because they were missing too. Why were they never around when they needed to tell them about a matter of life or death?

"Get out of the honey factory right now! As soon as you get this message, it's a trap, Ray! You and (y/n) are walking into a trap!"

"Henry, do not go to the honey factory! When you get this message, you are in great danger!" They bellowed into their phones, hoping that by some technological marvel or miracle, they'd hear them but it was no use. All they could do was warn them, they couldn't get there in time to tell them to stay away from that damn factory and him.

Who would've guessed that the man they were trying to save was the man they'd been fighting all along? Who would've guessed that he could fool them so brilliantly? Who would've guessed that the mastermind hiding behind that symbol was Rick Twitler?

~The Honey Factory~

As ever, the true villain hid his malice behind an innocent face of desperation and an eagerness to be freed from the gag and the ropes tying his hands together. Too busy to see the missed calls and texts blowing up their phones, Ray and (y/n) rushed to his side as the last of the bees cleared off and quickly freed him, (y/n) carefully peeling the duct tape away from his mouth as Ray lasered the ropes.

"You saved my life. Thank you so much!" Twitler grovelled with his voice thick with falsified fear, pretending that he'd been at the mercy of The Beekeeper all along. He even gave Miss Danger a thankful smile as she and Captain Man helped him to his feet and secretly, on the inside, he was loving how they had no idea what they were walking into.

"You're welcome. And hey, look, I know that you're a billionaire and all, but we don't need any reward money. Wink..." Ray told the CEO cheekily as he slapped him on the back and implied that yes, he'd actually love a small tip on the side for the effort he'd gone to save him. Typically, he wouldn't be so forward but he had a wedding to think about and those weren't cheap, not when he was planning on giving his sweet girl everything she'd ever wanted and more so a few thousand dollars wouldn't go unwanted.

"Well, where's Kid Danger?" Rick asked, pretending that he was still stunned when he really wanted to know where the youngest of the trio was for a much more sinister reason. He was key to his dastardly plan and the fact that he hadn't turned up wasn't part of his plan. No matter, he could work around it.

"I dunno. Somewhere not eating frozen yoghurt."

"His loss, doofus," (y/n) gently told her lover as he massaged his stomach again, the mention of the lactose-laden dessert causing a repeat of the earlier cramps. They'd just have to pick up another batch for the kid when they left, that is, if Twitler was okay. He suddenly seemed very distant and thoughtful as if his mind was turning and mulling something over.

"Oh...okay..." Rick shrugged, deciding that even if Kid Danger wasn't available, his colleagues would work just as well. The cat was nearly out of the bag anyway so he had no trouble pulling a fancy-looking machine from his pocket and firing it up, which instantly caught the attention of the couple quietly celebrating their victory.

"Whatcha got there, fella?" Ray asked goodheartedly, not thinking for even a moment as he held his sweet girl's hand and warmly looked over at the billionaire that he was about to spring a trap. Twitler was still being coy, releasing his true personality slowly so as not to alert them to his intentions too quickly but pandering to them was starting to get exhausting. A little mysterious wickedness wouldn't hurt.

"A remote."

"Wow...y'know, we have loads of those in the Man Cave. What does yours do?" (y/n) chuckled lightly as she made light of the situation, thinking that they were just bantering with the man, y'know, just playing stupid over who knew more about remotes. So, what happened next came as a complete shock.

"Springs a trap," Rick replied dryly and her smile dropped by a fraction. A what now does what? He had to be joking, right? Yeah, he was joking, this was Rick Twitler they were talking to, that line was probably just his sense of humour, his very strange sense of humour. Maybe he was playing into the whole hero thing? That made sense to Ray, who completely ignored the comment and any possibility that it was intended for them, causing the secret villain to pity Miss Danger and her fooled heart. 

"Oh, yeah? On who?" Seriously, what did she see in this guy? Having breached the Man Cave's security and computers, Twitler had found out everything he needed to know about the heroes; who they were, what they did, what they liked, what they were like as individuals and it was plain for him to see that the girl behind the mask deserved more than whatever Captain Man could offer because let's face it, strip away the guns, the pomp and the prestige, he was just another moron who'd gotten lucky with his looks and superpower. Captain Man wasn't special or brilliant in any way, the same, however, could not be said for his...enchanting lover.

"You two." He smirked and pressed the first button on the remote, watching with a sense of satisfied joy as the heroes fell before they could even react. In the blink of an eye, two machines shot up from the floor, each encasing a hero as two circular panels blocked them off from one another. 

They tensed at the sudden appearance of the tech but before they could bolt for safety, the panels realised some kind of weird energy that paralysed their muscles, which was okay for (y/n) since she froze in an upright position with her arm stretched out in an instinctive attempt to reach out to her doofus. Speaking of her doofus, he didn't have it so well; he'd made the mistake of crouching into a protective curl, so not the easiest position to hold. What the fuck was this?

"Game on, Captain Man and Miss Danger." The billionaire cackled as he watched the heroes struggle against the gaseous energy, finding it hilarious how their oh-so-strong bodies strained against the forces keeping them still, only to succumb to its energy-sapping pull. He had them trapped and it felt so sweet, well, it did until a bee flew into his mouth and down his throat, causing him to choke. 

"Man, I hate these bees!" He growled as Captain Man fought to get free, feeling like an absolute idiot for trusting him in the first place. He could just about look to his left and see (y/n) struggling too and his heart lurched at the panic on her face as she tried to lower her arm or move her legs or something.

He couldn't even help himself, so how was he supposed to protect her?

The incessant laughing didn't help his fury either and neither did the way Twitler prowled around their paralysis machines with a smouldering glint in his eye, his finger trailing over the smooth metal of his girl's trap. If he dared to lay one finger on her, he would break his nose the moment he was free, if only that moment would come quicker. He didn't enjoy his gloating nor his sidekick's growls of frustration or the man's leering stares, and what he wouldn't give to punch him in his stupid face.

"All right. Okay, Rick, you've been laughing for, like, a really long time now, that's enough!" The hero snapped as the laughter rode his last nerve. They got it, they were dumb, they walked right into it, they should've been a little less smug and a lot more careful, he didn't need to rub it in so much.

"I'm sorry...you just look so ridiculous!" The CEO giggled and brushed a rogue tear away from the corner of his eye as he stared at the famed hero squatting like he was at a yoga session for middle-aged women. It was demeaning, cruel and humiliating for the guy, so ideal for Twitler and agony for (y/n) to watch as her doofus toughened out the embarrassment. When she got her hands on that good-for-nothing asshole, he'd regret the day he planned this trap.

"Well, I'm sure he wasn't expecting to be frozen by a man we had just saved," (y/n) retorted, glaring at her new enemy with all of the iciness she could muster but it still wasn't enough to make Rick shiver. He was driven, cold, calculating and totally without empathy--the perfect CEO...or psychopath.

"Yeah, that's the plasma gas."

"Huh?" Ray frowned at the man's sciencey words because as always, he didn't understand. He wasn't Schwoz or his fiancée, both of whom would instantly understand, he had never studied math or chemistry or biology, so he felt dumb, something Rick Twitler revelled in. Seriously, what did Miss Danger see in this guy? She was so different to him, so much smarter--the perfect sidekick lover to stand by his side.

"Plasma. Gas. It's made from a chemical in a very poisonous cactus I stole from the Swellview Cactus convention," He revealed, causing Ray and (y/n) to look at him with shock merging with their glares. Oh, so he'd been a pain in their asses for that long, huh?

"That was you?"

"Uh-huh..." Wow, he stole a cactus and used it to trap two of Swellview's greatest crimefighters, big deal. He didn't need to look so smug.

"Well, good for you. Can we just skip to the part where we punch you and drag you to jail?" Ray asked, feeling done with the whole thing because he remembered that feeling of hope he had when thinking back to that promise of going home. Home sounded nice right about now, no traps, no assholes and all he had to do to get there was punch this dick in his perfect teeth. If only he'd stop the flow of gas--fat chance.

"That's not gonna happen," Rick replied and it was eerily impressive how calm and sure of himself he was. Not to boost his ego or anything but if (y/n) was evil and without a doofus, she'd find herself smitten, but that was a big if. She could barely turn her head to look but she strained until she could scowl at him for mocking them so cruelly and she just hoped that he had a good doctor for when she and Captain man worked out a way of getting free.

"Yeah, it is, Rick. You're talking to Captain Man." She sneered, causing Ray to glance up at the villain with a proud smirk on his face, one that irritated Twitler more than he cared to admit. He may have been an idiot but he had her love, as unfair and unbelievable as that seemed. Well, two could play at that game.

"I've fought a lot of bad guys, pal. And I always win."

"I'm not your average bad guy, Ray Manchester," Rick replied smugly as he looked between each pod, playing his ace and watching the steeled face of Captain Man fall as he heard his real name fall from his lips. He caught himself instantly, no doubt wanting to play dumb and pretend that he wasn't a normal guy underneath the suit but judging by Miss Danger's, or should he say (y/n)'s, soft gasp, he'd hit the nail on the head--Captain Man's second-biggest weakness. What? He wasn't gonna hack their computers and not find out every last juicy detail.

"W-who's that?" Ray stammered, trying to remain calm as his heart sank to his stomach, then exploded, then imploded and then surged into his throat, ready for him to puke. No, no, no, he couldn't know who he was, that was the most dangerous thing that could happen and he could practically feel the terror radiating from his sweet girl. How could he possibly know? He didn't know, but all they could do was deny, deny, deny as if that would be enough to stop him.

"I hacked into the Man Cave computer while you two were off having your little date at Catus Con. I know everything about you," right, so that's how he knew. As they had done for Charlotte and Schwoz, things were starting to come together for the heroes as they realised how he'd looked into their personal files and discovered who they were and not just their hero selves, who they were. Shit.

"No, you don't," Ray could say no all he wanted but there was no getting away from the fact of how pale he was looking, possibly the most scared (y/n) had ever seen him and she knew that she didn't look much better. Her lover's true identity was her most valued secret and she never failed to stress how vital it was for them to stay hidden, so to think that this dick knew about them, the Man Cave and their very vulnerable friends there was...sickening.

"Your name is Ray Manchester. You own a fake store above the Man Cave called Junk-N-Stuff. You tell people you're thirty-six when really you're..."

"No!"

"Thirty-seven! You can't take being older than your precious sweet girl, can you? Can't take how she'd fit better with a younger, more intelligent, safer man," Rick knew how to twist the knife in a man's back, watching how the once valiant, strong hero hung his head in shame at having his deepest insecurities out in the open. He didn't need to be a shrink to see he fought a constant battle of accepting and cherishing her love to debating whether he was doing the right thing by her. Oh, they had a complicated history and he knew what to say to exploit his biggest weakness, the one thing Captain Man couldn't bear to lose, even if it was for the best.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" (y/n) snapped, her temper flaring at how this...this...bastard had come crashing into their lives and was now trying to tear them apart. He wouldn't do it, no way would she let him ruin what they had just for the sake of scoring a few cheap shots; he might have done his homework but not everything that they felt for each other was on record. What did he know about what kind of man would suit her? She decided on that agenda.

"Ah, yes, the loyal sidekick and fiancée, Miss Danger. Or should I say, (y/n) (y/l/n)?" Her distraught eyes met him as her breaths grew unsteady in panic but she tried to keep calm. No matter how wounded he felt, Ray tugged at his invisible restraints to try and shield her from whatever comments and dirt he'd managed to dig up on her but she'd have to take it alone. 

Scraping up every ounce of bravery she could, (y/n) held Twitler's gaze and ignored how hard her heart was thumping against her ribcage, preferring to act as if the utterance of her name whilst she was in uniform didn't bother her at all. 

"You don't know me..." she stated with a strong edge to her tone, trying to show that whilst he'd struck a nerve with her soulmate, he couldn't get to her so easily. She could be strong for both of them, right? Ray always liked to be the protector but for once, the roles had reversed and the heroine found herself with a new job; showing her doofus that despite everything and every other man out there, she wanted him, no one else.

"Oh, but I do. Your name is (y/n) (y/l/n), you moved to the city for college and graduated from Swellview Tech University with a degree in mechanical engineering. You then met Captain Man after you got held at gunpoint in a cafe and you spent the next ten years working for him... Tell me, did it hurt to see him date so many women when you were already so in love with him?" Rick asked her smugly as his mind flickered through every scrap of juicy history he'd read from the Man Cave computer, every little secret about the couple that had proved to be better than a soap opera. 

"I'm not telling you anything," (y/n) spat, wishing she could lunge forward to spit in his face or jerk her outstretched arm to hit him in the stomach, possibly a little lower. Yeah, it hurt, anyone would be hurt to see the man of their dreams ignore them in favour of hundreds of meaningless flings, but that had been cleared up as a misunderstanding. She'd long said that she'd wait another decade if it meant having eternal happiness with him, not that she needed to as their love was now firmly established. Throwing salt at healed wounds does nothing.

"What a shame. I know how smart you are, I know how your potential has been held back all these years and I know that you've done it all for him. Silly, little (y/n), how many hot moms will it take for you to see that you're marrying a man who will never return the loyalty you give him?"

Maybe he was right. Maybe (y/n) had given up a career as a brilliant engineer or a life with a man who could be deemed easier to love. Maybe she'd hurt a lot more than she had loved and maybe she'd never be able to know if his penchant for women with kids would break her one day. But she wouldn't allow herself to think like that for one very good reason. If she left him now, she would regret it forever. If she spent too much time worrying about what might happen, she'd miss everything going on right now, including how her doofus was looking at her with teary eyes and a heartbroken stare.

"I don't know. One? Five? Ten? A hundred? A million? I don't care how many moms he has flirted or will flirt with, I've made my choice and there's nothing you can do or say that will make me stop loving him," the heroine replied firmly, feeling tears spring in her eyes too. It wasn't her necessarily resigning herself to fate but more like standing up to a bully who thought that what he said had meaning. He could read ancient history if he wanted to, she preferred sibylline daydreaming anyways.

"And I will never stop loving her, Twitler. Always have, always will," Ray added in a hoarse voice, his throat closing up from the emotion of his wife affirming everything she felt for him, which wasn't too far off how he felt for her. She was his wife, she just had to be, no one else came close to taking her place and the only thing stopping him from calling her that was a signature on a piece of paper. 

For all his insecurities, a doofus fell in love with a sweet girl, the CEO didn't have a patch on that.

~In the Man Cave~

"Why would the guy who founded Twitflash want to destroy Captain Man, Miss Danger and Kid Danger?" Charlotte asked as she and Schwoz sat in the Man Cave, still pondering over their grave problem and petting Kaitlyn. 

They had no idea about the emotional turmoil their friends were suffering through, they'd given up trying to call but even so, the least they could do is try to work out why Rick Twitler would want to take down three superheroes. What had they ever done to him? Wasn't he meant to be the hot yet attractively stern businessman that the women on the subway gossiped about?

"Maybe he doesn't want to destroy the--" Schwoz theorised out loud before gasping as he came to a frightening conclusion, "--he wants to steal Ray, (y/n) and Henry's powers!"

"Well, how's he gonna do that?" Charlotte asked, turning in the computer's chair so she could look at the genius trying to juggle the dog in his arms. This was some serious science they were talking about and it took every synapse in Schwoz's brain just to fit everything together. How was he supposed to explain it to a girl who was admittedly quite smart but nowhere near brainy enough to get all of the complex details?

"Oh, boy, this is complicated, so I'm going to explain it to you in my American accent," Boy, this had to be big, Schwoz was dropping his foreign lilt because apparently, American is easier to understand. He never changed how he spoke, doing so made him ill and even though his accent was pretty impressive, he liked his natural one more. This must have been serious.

"Okay."

"But I can only do it for so long before I pass out..." a minor drawback but a big one that rendered him useless. And they really didn't need him being useless.

"Then hurry!" Charlotte exclaimed and took Kaitlyn from him so that when he did collapse, she wouldn't be hurt by Schwoz falling on top of her. The genius took his seat like a professor about to begin a lecture and he took a deep breath before pointing at the screen. It was time for Schwoz to think about cheese, burgers and freakishly large soda cups.

"Ray, (y/n) and Henry all got sprayed with Flabber Gas. Now, you can counteract its effects but Flabber Gas never actually leaves your body. And on Halloween, when Ray, (y/n) and Henry went through the portal at the Evil Science Corp, they were covered with interdimensional bio-residue. That takes years to wash off your skin. And Whistlin' Susie...the old atomic bomb that was delivered to the Man Cave, it dosed Ray, (y/n) and Henry with gamma radiation. And finally, the diez leches cake. The tenth and final leche is what brings it all together. That's A.M.O.R.E."

"Love?" Jeez, Charlotte, way to ruin a guy's big impressive speech on crazy science in a strangely unnerving voice. Hearing Schwoz speaking like...a normal person was rather unsettling for the girl but she ignored it, focusing purely on some weird chemical compound that had formed on the monitor in front of her, something to do with the various elements and goo that their friends had been exposed too, all of which had been seemingly engineered by Twitler to be thrown at them at some point or another. 

"No...Anti-Macro OxyRibonucleic Enzymes!" When he put it like that, it sure did sound pretty smart.

" A-M-O-R-E. That is A.M.O.R.E!" Charlotte grinned as she understood the acronym, seeing how the words formed a singular term that was much easier for her to understand and now that she could comprehend, it was time for Professor Schwoz to check out.

"It sure is, Charlotte. It sure is---" True to his word, Schwoz collapsed as the strain of using his American accent grew too much for her and to the girl's horror, he faceplanted the floor. What was she gonna do now? 

"Wait, Schwoz!" She needed help with the nuclear macaroni enzymes things and Kaitlyn. Who was gonna watch Kaitlyn as she panicked? Who was gonna help her help Ray and (y/n)?

~

"...the A.M.O.R.E molecule binds itself to that makes you indestructible and gives you your super-regeneration. This device locates A.M.O.R.E and pulls it from your bodies along with your powers." Rick Twitler described the wicked process that he was gonna force upon Captain Man and Miss Danger, who of course, were forced to listen to every stupid word. Y'know, some of them had been to college, some of them already knew this shit.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Anti-Macro OxyRibonucleic Enzymes, big chemical compounds, we get it. Move on, moron, we already know that your stupid plan is gonna be evil and painful," (y/n) rolled her eyes at the villain and how he'd dumbed it down for their benefit, well, Ray's benefit mainly. He knew that she was already knowledgable but he wanted her idiotic finacé to understand how his plan was coming together nicely and what was in store for him.

"It's incredibly painful, smart girl."

"Hey! Only I get to call her that! And anyway, luckily, I'm indestructible," Ray snapped and then smirked at Rick, his temper flaring as he dared to open flirt with his girl in that monotone voice. He was her perfect opposite, the doofus to match her intelligence and only he got to marvel at how clever she was, no one else and certainly not some jumped-up little CEO shit who thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread. He wouldn't have that smirk on his face when his superpower saved him from the science that attacked his superpower. Wait, what?

"Oh, sweetheart..."

"I just said I'm going to take your indestructibility," Twitler frowned, finding his dimwittedness confusing since he wasn't used to being with someone whose brains were equal to a goldfish's. Now he knew why Miss Danger's shining brilliance was so dimmed, he clouded her potential with what could only be described as negative brain cells and a failure to see even the most obvious of things.

"I'd like to hear how," the hero quipped, thinking he was being so very smart when really, he was being so very dumb. At least (y/n) found him cute, no matter how slow he was, that everlasting confidence that coated every sentence he uttered endeared him to her so much--something Rick would never fully understand.

"I've been telling you how! Have you not been listening to any of this? How can you love a guy like this? He's...so stupid!" Rick exclaimed, his head snapping to Miss Danger who stood there with a bored expression on her face. What? Did he want her to love a guy like him? A guy whose wardrobe only understood one colour? Yeah, right.

"He may be stupid, but he's adorable. And anyway, he heard you, he may not have understood it, but he was listening! Right, doofus?" the heroine snapped back, drifting her eyes across to Ray, who was giving the bad guy a hard stare. Right, he didn't get all of the science terms but he was listening. Sort of.

"Yeah, I heard him, sweet girl. Blah-blah-blah, mmmm, chemistry! Mmmm, molecules, pbbbt!" Ray ridiculed Rick, causing a soft giggle to fall from her lips at how his voice was all squeaky and annoying--the perfect mockery of the evil guy. His jaw clenched at how the hated superhero won her favour so easily with no skill or intelligence, just a cheap trick that should have barely been worth her ears hearing. What did that guy have that women enjoyed, apart from the obvious things like muscles and the face? He was just an oaf.

"Look, Kid Danger's gonna show up any second now and punch a million holes in your face," Ray's tone turned serious as he switched focus to his absent sidekick. He and (y/n) did not doubt that Henry had been found safe and ready to fight and he was making his way to them as they spoke. He'd never abandon them and he'd never allow this setup to go unpunished, no matter how powerful or influential to tech giant was. It was just a matter of moments before that smirk was wiped off Rick Twitler's face.

"Oh, really? I highly doubt tha--"

"Ahhhhhh!" Speak of the devil and he will appear. As if he'd been summoned by Rick's gloating and stupid, bemused expression, Henry released a battle cry and fell from the ceiling, landing directly on top of his new enemy. What a day he'd have, puzzles sure do take a long time to complete and who'd have thought that disappearing at all hours of the day would make your family suspicious? 

Anyway, Ray and (y/n) grinned and gasped in delight as they saw that familiar uniform divebomb onto the man holding them captive and it truly was a glorious sight, even if it also looked a little painful.

"Kid! I literally just said you were about to show up!"

"Oh yeah?" Henry grinned as he fixed his eyes on his boss and friend for the first time that day, glossing over the fact that they were both in awkward positions. He'd been told something about a factory and Ray and (y/n) needing help so he'd left his house as soon as possible and sheesh, Schwoz, Jasper and Charlotte were not lying about the help thing. They were in quite a pickle.

"Yeah, he was like, oh, Kid Danger is gonna punch you in the face any second now!" (y/n) imitated her doofus in her deepest voice, causing him to look in her direction fondly. If only the stupid machine wasn't in the way, he could get a proper view of her beauty then.

"Like just now?"

"Yeah, were you listening?" Ray asked, swearing that it was too big of a coincidence for the kid to drop at the perfect moment like that. It was like he'd been waiting for his cue or something when in reality, it truly was just dumb luck.

"No, no, dude. I just rolled up, saw the roof, found a shaft and just dropped in!" Henry, or Ethan Hunt as they might call him now, smiled and retold his epic tale of how he'd wormed his way into the building incognito just in case there were henchmen or guards in the hallways. That, and diving in from the roof was just cool and made for a better entrance - a perfect entrance if you landed on your enemy and take them out too.

"Noice!" And Ray loved a good, old-fashioned perfect entrance.

"So, uh, who'd I land on? Good guy? Bad guy? What are we talking here?" Henry moved on, having not even realised that he'd just bruised the spleen and dirtied the suit of one of the richest men and one of the biggest assholes on Earth. He'd missed the texts and calls about who was behind all of their misery in the past few months, so he had no idea about the treachery that was taking place with two of his closest friends as the victims.

"Bad guy! Really bad guy! Rick Twitler, he tried to take our powers," (y/n) answered, spitting the words out like venom as their opponent slowly rose from the floor, rubbing at his sore neck from the boy that had dropped on it. He had no idea what had happened but there was no doubt that Kid Danger would sort him out, then they'd fry him with the memory wiper and send him off to jail. 

"Not cool, Rick Twitler!" Henry frowned at the guy who he'd previously deemed to be a decent guy but judging by how angry his friends were, he was quite the jerk. That earned him a swift laser to the knee because no one hurts his friends and no one was above the law. He hated guys like him and looking at how harshly Ray was glaring with a strangely satisfied smirk, he deserved it, not that he knew why.

"Wait, wait, wait, I thought he was the hostage," the kid mentioned, feeling a bit bad for zapping a guy who'd been reported in the news as a victim. Two conflicting stories, the one the world knew and the one (y/n) was telling him, and he was inclined to believe the latter.

"Fake!" Ray snapped, wanting to make it clear that the only thing that guy would be receiving was his foot in his face. And he better be grateful that that was the only place it would be. There was nothing to feel sorry about, he was the bad guy here, as unbelievable as it seemed.

"What happened to The Beekeeper?" This is why you don't spend the afternoon doing jigsaw puzzles. You miss out on all of the interesting stuff.

"Lasered."

"Why are you squatting like that? And what are you pointing at?" With that question answered, Henry soon moved on to others, having so much to learn in the room that had kept Captain Man and Miss Danger hostage for the last two hours. Now, he could finally ask about their weird positions because surely, bending your knees or holding your arm out like that for a long period was painful and achy, so he was more than confused.

"Trapped."

"Can't move."

"Zoinks," well, that wrapped that up nicely. He was so very nearly up to speed with everything, but one thing was still a mystery to the kid. Why would Rick Twitler, the guy who could afford anything and do whatever he wanted with whoever he fancied, want to go to so much trouble and risk being captured? "wait, so why would this dude kidnap himself and then try to steal your superpowers?"

"I don't know. I stopped listening after he started flirting with my fiancée," Ray shrugged, having no respect for the guy or anything he said earlier because he was a dick, straight and simple. Everyone knew that he didn't like to pay attention to smart people's things unless (y/n) was explaining them and even then it went in one ear and out the other, him preferring to just stare at her pretty face and watch how cute she was when excitedly explaining mole-things and compoonds or whatever.

"I was going to take your superpowers and put them in this!" Rick Twitler hissed as he dragged himself up from the floor and tugged away a sheet covering his precious, superpower-reliant machine, which honestly wasn't a patch on anything Schwoz or (y/n) could invent. It wasn't shiny or flashy enough for starters.

"A lava lamp?" Henry asked flatly, feeling rather unimpressed with the machine since it just looked like something that his parents would've had a few decades ago along with naff hair and a waterbed. Was that the best he could come up with?

"No," the nefarious man replied sharply, causing the boy to make a small, disappointed sound before he carried on, "it's a computer virus. A living, organic computer virus. Nasty stuff. It's going to infect every computer, every laptop and every phone on Earth. I'm gonna destroy the Internet. Forever." Jeez, someone had been bullied at school.

"Not cool, Rick Twitler!"

"Yeah, something tells me that no matter how much you think we'd be a good match, we would not get along. Hit him again, kid," (y/n) told Henry as she screwed her nose up at the notion of him wiping out the invention that improved the lives of so many people. Sure, the internet was a bit annoying at times, especially when it came to kids and their phones but he couldn't just get rid of it. Since when did one man get the deciding vote for everyone else?

Heeding her words, Henry zapped the psycho with another laser, causing him to fall to the floor again with a groan of pain as his leg burned, not that they cared. He could groan all they wanted, they were just getting started.

"I have a question," Ray announced, making Henry immediately drop back so he could ask it because he was respectful like that. He may not have been good when it came to philosophical or scientific breakthroughs but he was by no means stupid, a superhero couldn't be. He had some smarts about him.

"Captain Man."

"You invented Twitflash."

"That is not a question but continue," saying that though, he did have his limits. Poor guy, he was just getting started, he had to give the old brain cells a chance to warm up first.

"Why would you want to destroy the internet?" he asked, causing (y/n) to smile softly. Who was dumb now? She, the smart one, had been thinking that too because it was a valid point. The guy had made his name in the internet business, all of his money and investments were tied up in cyberspace, and no internet meant no life for him. Strange, indeed.

"Nice one, doofus!"

"Because the internet ruined everything! And it's partially my fault. Everyone just stares at their phones all day now, scrolling through Twitflash. It's terrible!" Twitler answered dramatically. In some ways, they understood where he was coming from; the internet was an obsession for most people, nomophobia was beginning to be a real issue and his website and apps were some of the biggest spreaders. However, did that mean that the only solution was to get rid of it? No, the web has its benefits too like hilarious web shows or super cool online books that could be read at any moment.

"But dude, memes..."

"Memes are hilarious!"

"Oh my god, remember the ones with the rats and they're all in a circle and they're like, aw, Mondays! And it's like, feelin' old yet?" (y/n) giggled with her companions as they shared their love of all funny jokes that accompanied funny images. Who didn't love memes? They were so lighthearted and fun. Memes never hurt anybody.

"I don't care about memes!" And Rick Twitler just bumped himself up to hated status on their lists. What a loser, he really needed to get out more, frown less and find himself a girlfriend, although, not Miss Danger, she was off-limits. "That's why I was going to create an indestructible, self-regenerating computer virus with super-fast reflexes, unleash it on the world and destroy the internet forever!"

"Mmmm, not cool, Rick Twitler!"

"Oh, come on!" The villain groaned as Henry zapped him once more, still not liking the sound of his little plot and a green bolt to the chest just seemed fitting. Plus, it was fun to watch him fall to the floor and it gave them the chance to get free of his weird gas contraptions.

"All right, kid. Come on, get us outta these things. My glutes are barkin'!" Ray instructed his young sidekick as (y/n) smiled to herself, imagining how much his ass hurt after squatting like that for so long. Her poor baby, she'd have to give him extra cuddles after this, or rather, whenever she got the feeling back in her right arm, the one that had been horizontal for lord knows how long.

"All right, all right, uhhhh..." the boy complied and walked between both machines, looking at their individual control panels on the side and frowning when he saw how complicated they were. Okay, that was a lot of buttons and he didn't know what any of them did, meaning he was clueless on how to free them, which wasn't gonna sit well with Ray and his sore butt. "I don't see an off button, dude..."

"Well, just laser it! Y'know, when in doubt, melt things!" (y/n) told him, feeling too tired and frustrated to think of something better. Brute force always came in handy and there was no reason to suspect that something would go wrong, not when she and Ray just wanted to feel their extremities again.

"All right..."

"I wouldn't do that." Came the groggy protest of Rick Twitler as Henry pulled out his controller again. Right, yeah, he was gonna listen to a bad guy; this was clearly another one of his tricks or evil schemes and he wasn't gonna pull the wool of the kid's eyes that easily.

"Well, now I'm definitely gonna do it!" He grinned and without a second thought, he zapped one shot at Ray's machine and another at (y/n)'s, causing the circuits to fizz, pop and overload as everything superheated and melted. With a loud bang, the contraptions fell apart, ceasing the flow of gas and freeing a stunned Ray and (y/n), both of who fell to the floor in a tired pile...with the metal plates falling on top of them too. Well, perhaps sometimes listening to the bad guy isn't such a bad idea.

"Oh god, that was not a good idea." 

"Kid, you made it worse!" The couple groaned at the weight pinning them to the floor, which would have surely squished some vital organs had they not been superheroes. On one hand, there was the positive that they were now able to move freely and were close enough to rub shoulders and grasp at each other's hands as if to say that everything was okay, but it wasn't. 

On the other hand, the metal was heavy, really fucking heavy, so heavy in fact that not even Captain Man and his brutal strength could beat it, leaving them trapped under the wreckage with no hopes of pulling themselves free. Oh, goodie.

"I told you not to do that," Rick smirked as he stood up from the ground, his gaze lingering on Miss Danger like he was taunting her. He did so love to rile her up since it was apparent that she was getting no mental stimulation around these buffoons and also, he loved a small brag or a big one. Any brag in front of the heroes.

"Oh, shut up, you smug ass!" (y/n) snapped as her fingers clawed the ground for some kind of surface to grab onto so she could pull herself free to help Henry or her doofus but it was just smooth concrete pulling her skin apart only for it to stitch itself back together. She felt so useless, especially when Ray tried to lift the panel on top of her to no avail; he was trying to get her free before himself and it was impossible. And in Henry's hour of need of all things as the boy stormed towards Twitler, intent on wiping that stupid expression off his face.

"W-w-w-wait! Let me explain something to you!" The coward snivelled as he stepped away from the furious sidekick edging towards him with his fists clenched. They really should've formulated a plan before going in for an attack because they should've learnt by now that Rick Twitler leaves nothing to chance, not when it came to his grand plan.

"What?" Henry demanded to know.

"I planned to steal all of your superpowers," Twitler revealed softly, fully aware that Captain Man and Miss Danger had their eyes trained on him and their friend, even though they were powerless to stop him. Perhaps he couldn't get to them but he could get to the kid instead, the boy who he knew meant so much to them and that freaky little family of theirs.

"Yeah?"

"So I built three traps..."

"Kid!" The couple's clawing for escape was in vain as the same happened to Henry that had happened to them. Out of nowhere, a plasma gas trap sprung from the ground and encased the boy, trapping him in a running motion before even his super-fast reflexes could save him. The gas acted fast and the psycho couldn't believe that he'd pulled the same trick twice.

"Not cool, Rick Twitler," Henry groaned as he tried to jerk against his invisible restraints as (y/n) and Ray had done but like them, he couldn't free. They were in the same situation, although it felt worse, knowing that they could easily get free if they worked and pulled and squirmed a little harder but they had no energy left to get free from the stupid, broken machine. 

Unlike before, Rick didn't waste a second with any gloating, even if he did spare them a vicious grin and swiftly, he grabbed a long, blue pipe that connected to his super-virus storage machine, hooking it to Kid Danger's trap as he ignored the sweet, sweet sounds of silly Ray Manchester and his confused lover groaning for nothing. Victory had never been so easy, not when they sagged in exhaustion and stared with broken expressions at their panicking friend.

"Say goodbye to your superpower, Kid Danger."

"No!" It was cute, really, his last act of defiance despite how scared he looked and if he was a little more human, Rick might have felt a twinge of admiration. But the way he saw it was simple; there was a fine line between bravery and stupidity and Kid Danger had blurred that line the moment he accepted the job offer of a lifetime. Valiance wasn't gonna save him in the end.

"Okay!"

"What? No, wait, wait--ah!" Henry gasped at the fire that seemed to spread through his veins as his power drained away. His head tilted back and the essence that gave him the power to move faster than any human on Earth flowed from his mouth like water down a river, only not as gentle or calming. 

This was forced and cruel, painful like nothing he'd ever experienced and he couldn't move to protect himself or bear the pain, nor could Ray reach to help the poor kid he said would be safe with him. All he could do was squeeze (y/n)'s hand tightly and try not to crumble from the sight of her tears.

The power zipped through the tube at lightning speed, no one paying attention to the fly that was there one minute and gone the next as the virus was pumped full of super juice. If it was fast before, it was like lightning now as the lava lamp goo turned green, leaving Henry to fall to the floor like a hollowed-out shell. 

"See you in the Dark Ages," Rick Twitler bid his enemies a fond farewell as he collected the small vessel of his super virus from the transfer unit. His bidding with the heroes was now done and whilst it would've been nice to add indestructibility or super-regeneration to the mix, he was content enough to leave Henry on the ground, weak and delirious. Perhaps (y/n) (y/l/n) would see sense one day, she see that she needed his brain to match hers and when that day came, he'd be waiting for her.

"Just gotta pull...harder..." (y/n) gritted her teeth and tried to wiggle forward, aided only by Ray's arm pushing her forward as Twitler made a swift getaway. To her surprise, the metal did move slightly, not by much but just enough to relieve the pressure on her hips and for a moment, they rested as they looked at Henry. They'd get themselves free, they always did but what about him? He looked so...drained.

"Hey, kid. Are your super-fast reflexes gone?" Ray asked tiredly as his arm rested on his girl's back, feeling shattered from the effort of trying to get her free. He could take being trapped if it meant she could help herself and the kid, he'd take anything if it gave them a shot at fixing this mess.

"I don't know..." Henry replied. He still felt the same, extremely tired and hollow but still fine, so he had no way of knowing if that dick's stupid experiment and machine worked. He trusted Twitler as far as he could throw him, so he could be all right or he could be not all right, how could they find out?

"Here! Catch!" Ray whispered and threw a piece of debris at the teen's face just as he and Jasper always did when they wanted to mess with his powers. To Henry's annoyance and disappointment, however, he didn't catch it in the blink of an eye like he normally did, it merely ricocheted off of his nose and rolled away leaving him with a hurt face and a wounded heart.

"Ow!"

"Yeah. Yeah, they're definitely gone...what do we do now?" (y/n) asked dejectedly as they looked at each other with clueless faces and defeated eyes. They were trapped, Henry had no superpowers anymore, Rick Twitler had gotten away, his virus was now a mega virus, he was set to destroy the internet with it, and they had no way of stopping him. What could they do?

The internet was dead. Long live society.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

A Taste Of The Season

This fic was inspired by a stock photo of pumpkins. I just saw it and thought I know what I want to write. So I did. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. For my other fics, check out my Masterpost.

In this fic there's some pumpkins

_____________________

It all started with Rick asking you to pick out a pumpkin from the farmers market. You figured he wanted to decorate his place with ornamental squashes and gourds and thought why not pick them all. So, that is what he did. Before you knew it, his living room was like a makeshift pumpkin patch with how the piles of pumpkins colored the place; squashes on tables, and varied pumpkins in the corners. It seemed all he was missing was a scarecrow and a wheat field.

It was all fine and good until you got hungry. You had thought of ordering take out, but seeing as you were in his home, he preferred to cater to you and prepared a slew of dishes that fit into the theme. There were muffins, and cookies, and stews galore, along with soups, bread, and a warm beverage as well; all spiced, some savory, but a great deal sweet; all of which was good enough to eat. He knew there was no way you could eat it all, but he couldn't resist; it was either nothing or a grand feast.

"Rick, you truly are a genius. I don't know where to start."

Without taking a glance, he happily recommended, "I think y-you'd like the pumpkin hot chocolate to start."

You had heard of overpriced pumpkin lattes but of hot chocolate with the seasonal berry? If you hadn't known better, it would've been obscene. "Alright, if you insist."

You lifted the wide-rimmed mug, comforted by the sight of whipped cream and chocolate shavings, and from the first sip, you were won over. "Oh my God."

"Wh-what?" he began to panic. "Does it taste bad? Is it too much?"

"No," you brightened, leaning over to press a sweet kiss on his thin lips. "it's wonderful. I mean, like wow, I've had good hot chocolate, but this is so hearty and delicious. It's like pumpkin pie and hot chocolate had a baby, and it's this work of beauty."

"Gosh, I'm so glad. I-I was worried it came out too sweet."

"It's sweet for sure, but not as sweet as you."

It would be a good half hour before you were ready to move on to try the other dishes, and a little longer than that before the giddiness Zeta-7 felt would calm. Nonetheless, you already felt a measure of satisfaction, but still had room enough to eat.

Fin

[dorklyevil]

He’d always be head over heels for her <3333

[zayashmaya]

Horizon of Continuum.

Doofus Rick x Reader; SFW

You stroll through the sandy dunes of an island with Rick, lost in this world of solitude together. 

a/n: This is based 100% on the exact same trip I went to a year ago, to a place called Andros Island, more specifically Joulter’s Cay. I walked through an endless expanse of sand and blue water that stretched for miles on end, searching for sand dollars and butterfly sea shells all alone while my group was off in the distance. At the beginning of this short fic is a picture I took of this beautiful land.

You stood amidst an endless expanse of bleached sand that stretched in every direction, forming meandering slopes that dipped into shallow pools of glittering water, crystalline in their visibility and devoid of all life. The horizon teased you with its limitless symmetry, a boundary where land and sea intermingled like brackish water, and as you deeply inhaled the salty air, you wondered how far you could walk before the Bahamas Banks plummeted into the depths of the oceanic trenches and swallowed you whole.

The sun burned hot in the cloudless sky overhead, but you were well prepared for its unyielding power, having covered yourself with sunscreen and a wide-brimmed hat at Rick’s behest. His long fingers entwined with yours as you walked side by side, smiling at your enthusiastic wonderment while you marveled at how deeply your feet sank into the damp sand.

“This — this sand is really special, you know,” Rick commented, dipping down briefly to scoop up a handful of grains in his palm. “If you look closely, y-y-you can see that it's shaped like little spheres! They’re called ooids — funny word, huh?”

You peered into his proffered hand and did indeed catch sight of their unique appearance. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen sand like this. They look so perfectly circular and smooth.”

“That’s because of the way this particular island is structured. The limestone a-accumulating on the shores of the Bahamas is — i-is very old, and as erosion degrades the stone, bits of particles are released into the water. Limestone is made out of calcium carbonate, wh-which is found in abundance in the water. Over time, bits of limestone on the sea floor rolls with each passing wave, collecting the calcium carbonate like a snowball rolling down a snowy hill!"

“So there’s a lot of calcium carbonate in these waters?” you asked, dipping your foot into a little puddle as you walked by. “It’s not dangerous, is it?”

Rick chuckled and let the sand in his hand fall away between his fingers. “Not at all, mi corazón. It is, however, the reason why we aren’t seeing any fish or crabs in the water. Nothing survives here,” he finished with a hint of sadness.

You hummed in thought as you glanced into the basket at your side, the white shells of sand dollars twinkling up at you and clinking together with each step you took. “How did these sand dollars end up here?” you wondered, imagining them traversing through the ocean in search of a safe home, only to stumble upon a deadly environment that drained their life-force.

“Guess they got — g-got unlucky. Chose the wrong path in life.”

You glanced at Rick, unnerved by the sudden change in mood. He was turned away from you, staring off into the distance as the gentle breeze rustled his stringy hair.

“Hey,” you softly called out, bumping your joined hands against his hip to recapture his attention. Rick looked back at you in mild surprise, his eyebrows raised in question as you searched his pensive expression. “Are you okay?”

“I — I, oh, of course I am,” he replied, offering you a reassuring smile and lightly squeezing your hand. “It’s just, i-it really makes you think. These little moments, I mean.”

You remained silent in a bid to keep him speaking, leading him towards a colorful shell sticking out of nearby pearlescent water.

“I’ve been to so many different worlds, seen so — so many different t-types of living organisms, a-a-all trying their best to survive. It just —“ Rick bit his lip, furrowing his brow. “— i-it gets a little sad, seeing them … well, not make it sometimes. And they didn’t know that their choices would have bad consequences. They just went for it, and — and fate handled the rest.”

Your hand gently unfurled from Rick’s grip as you bent down to the seashell, plucking it out of the sand and running a thumb over it to remove any stray bits of grain. You held the shell between the tips of your fingers for Rick to see, admiring its butterfly-like shape and the alternating stripes of yellow and pink along the outer surface, bisected by horizontal white lines.

“All things come to an end,” you said, smiling softly at the seashell. “It doesn’t mean that life never happened to begin with. We all experience the brief gift of life, regardless of how short that may be. And look — “ You twirled the shell and lifted your basket to show him the sand dollars. “We leave behind such beautiful memories.”

A shimmer of wetness gathered at the corner of Rick’s eyes, but neither of you mentioned it. He gave you a shaky smile and placed his hands on your hips, leaning down as you kissed the tip of his nose. “I was being silly, w-wasn’t I?”

“Honey, you of all people have the right to a minor existential crisis every now and then.”

“G-gosh, that’s — I didn’t mean to be that depressing…”

“Nonsense,” you firmly replied, swooping in to press a quick kiss to his lips. “We’re in the Bahamas, Rick. There’s nothing you could say or do to ruin my incredible mood.”

He nodded, seemingly appeased by your reassurances.

You promptly decided to switch the subject. Your scientific curiosity had not been sated just yet — the pretty sea shell was still waiting for identification by your dear scientist, and so you brought it into view once more, laying the shell onto the palm of your hand as Rick got a closer look at it.

“What kind of seashell is this?” you asked.

“I … I don’t know, actually.” He laughed lightly, running a finger along its smooth surface. “I don’t get to say that very often, do I?”

You joined him in his merriment, twining your hand with his once more as you gently placed the sea shell into your basket of sand dollars. “Sometimes, it feels freeing to not know.”

Rick met your pointed look and smiled crookedly. “Even if the f-future is grim?”

“That, my love — “ You stood up on your tiptoes, sinking into the sand as you quickly kissed his cheek. “ — is life!”

[porkchop-ao3]

Doofus Rick x Reader

I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I decided to go ahead and do it. This is a pretty personal fic that I basically wrote just to make myself feel better lol. It’s a SFW Doofus Rick x reader comfort fic where reader is dealing with an alcoholic parent. I hope someone gets something out of this, even those who don’t fully relate with reader. Thank you for reading x

-

I was never a deep sleeper. The slightest thing could wake me, whether it be a conversation in the next room, a light breeze… the smell of burning. I shot up in bed, taking a few deep breaths through my nose, trying to figure out whether I was imagining it. No. Something was definitely burning. I threw the covers off and ran out of the room, checking every room I passed before making my way down stairs. The lights were on downstairs, despite it being past three in the morning. I got to the kitchen, being greeted by chaos. There was a broken egg on the floor, discarded ingredients and cutlery littering the work surfaces, eggs and baked beans bubbling away on the stove, and the source of the smell; toast under the grill. I pulled it out, burning my hand on the grill pan handle, sighing as I saw the blackened bread; practically charcoal at this point. With the fire hazard taken care of, I ran my burn under the cold tap, watching a blister form on the heel of my hand. It was too damn late for this crap. Well, early might be a better analysis, given the ungodly hour my mother was still up at.  

“Oh, you’re up. Want some eggs?” She asked as she entered the kitchen. Her words were slow and merged into each other. She’d started drinking at six on the dot, and it was evident she hadn’t stopped since.

“No thank you.” I told her, not turning to look at the swaying, squinty-eyed mess I knew I’d find. “Your toast’s burnt. I’ll make you some more.”

“Oh no, I only nipped to the bathroom. Thought I’d taken it out from under the grill.” She said, frowning at the smoking toast.

“No. Go and sit down, I’ll finish it.” I said, drying my hand off with a paper towel when the burning subsided.

“No, it’s okay, honey. I’ll do it.” She said, binning the burnt toast.

“Go on, sit down. I can’t sleep anyway, it’ll give me something to do.” I lied, finally turning to her and guiding her out of the room. Eventually, she accepted the offer. I took a deep breath once she was gone, then got to work on cooking some fresh toast. I gave the beans a stir, flipped the eggs, and cleaned up the mess she’d made.

This wasn’t exactly a rare occurrence. My mother tended to only eat at ridiculous hours of the morning, her medication messing with her appetite; only issue is, her drinking problem meant she was drunk most of the times she tried to cook for herself. This wouldn’t be the first, or last, time I’d have to step in to help. It didn’t bother me. Sure, I’d rather be sleeping, but at least I knew she had something in her belly to soak up all the beer. She wasn’t a bad mum. Not at all, she was my best friend. That’s why it hurt so much. I was completely powerless, I’d asked time and time again for her to try and cut down on the drink. Never once had she listened; only turned it all around and made out that I was ‘picking’ on her. She couldn’t seem to see that it was destroying me just as much as it was destroying her.

Once the food had finished cooking, I dished it up for her, bringing it into the living room where she was sat having a cigarette, watching some late night TV roulette show. Thank God she wasn’t a gambler to top it off, she just liked to guess the numbers before they came up. She was never right, of course. I handed her the food, she thanked me and tucked in, patting the seat next to her to ask me to join.

“I should be getting back to bed.” I told her, rubbing my tired eyes. I looked down at my hand, which was starting to hurt again. Sighing heavily, I leaned down to kiss my mother on the cheek. “Goodnight, mum. You going to bed soon?”

“After I’ve finished this.” She nodded.

“Okay. Love you.” I said, turning to leave.

“Love you too.” She called back. I climbed the stairs with a lump in my throat. I’d had a few weeks away from uni, and every time I was home long enough to see how bad things were, it made me feel worse and worse. I climbed back into bed and shed a few tears before going to sleep.

The next day entailed a regular trip to the supermarket. Mum dragged me with her at least three times a week, and every time I didn’t need to ask what we were going for. Occasionally we’d pick up bread, milk, something for lunch. But outside of the large shops we did to buy food for the next week or two, our frequent visits had one purpose. Two large crates of beer; twenty cans in each. Forty in total. It’d last a couple days. Sometimes we’d buy them two days on the trot, 'just in case we can’t come again for a few days’. It became rather embarrassing at times. The checkout people knew us, knew what we always bought, sometimes they’d joke.

“Having a party?” they’d say, amusement on their faces. My mum would just laugh. I’d cringe.

It got to the point where I could tell she was self conscious about it. I’d ask her what we needed to get. She’d stay silent for a while, then list off something I knew we didn’t need. Or we’d be in the supermarket, she’d have a cart full of beer and would pause to think of something else we could get. She acted like we needed extra bits and bobs, but I knew it was because she didn’t want to go through the check out with just beer for the second time that week.

And the sheer amount of money that went into it… I didn’t want to calculate it.

I needed a break from it. I needed to have a night off watching her poison herself, I needed to spend the day with her sober, and remember her that way when I went to bed. So when six o'clock rolled around, I left the house. I texted Rick, asking him if he was busy. If he was, I’d book out a cheap hotel or something for the night, but I couldn’t deny that I craved to see him. He was a little bright light that made everything around him disappear, and Lord knew that’s what I needed. To my relief, he texted back quickly, letting me know that he was just finishing cooking dinner and he’d like for me to join him, if I wanted to. I picked up the pace, walking the short ten minute journey to his house.

He gave me his usual beaming smile when I arrived, holding the door wide open to welcome me into his home. I wiped my feet on his doormat before stepping inside, shrugging my coat off and hanging it on it’s usual peg by the door.

“It’s lovely to see you, (y/n). Th-thank you so much for joining me for dinner, i-it’s nice to have company.” He said, closing the door behind me and straightening out the blue checkered apron he was wearing over his sweater. My mood lifted instantly, and I mirrored his huge smile.

“Thank you for having me. I… I fancied getting out of the house, and I can never say no to a meal cooked by you.” I told him, rubbing my hands together to warm them up. We’d had a chilly few days, even a few flurries of snow, but Rick’s home was toasty warm.

“C-come through, it’s almost done!” He said, leading me through to his kitchen, urging me to take a seat at the little round dining table in the corner. He had a vase full of flowers in the middle of it, as usual, this week it was a combination of lilies and these little yellow flowers that I didn’t know the name of. “We have homemade sweet potato and carrot soup, with some tasty salad on the side and fresh baked bread. I hope that’s okay for you.” He told me as he served up the food.

“That sounds perfect. Thank you.” I smiled, even though he couldn’t see with his back to me. “I love that you make your own soup, I usually only have it out of a tin.” I giggled.

“Well, the potatoes and carrots came out of my garden. I-I-I sometimes have so many, I don’t know what to do with them. Soup’s a good way o-of making use of them.” He explained, bringing over two bowls of soup and placing one down in front of me, before placing the other one on the spot next to me. Next, he carried over a bowl full of dressed salad, and a wooden chopping board with sliced bread on it. It all smelled so delicious. “S-same goes for the salad. It’s all home grown and fresh from the ground!”

“Can’t beat it.” I grinned. “So everything here has had your heart and soul put into it. It’s going to be delicious.”

“Well,” he blushed deep red as he took his seat next to me. “I should admit, th-the bread was bought from the bakery this morning.” He told me sheepishly, and I chuckled.

“I just watched you slice it. That’s good enough for me.” I teased with a wink, and he smiled in amusement. The first mouthful of soup had me humming in appreciation. Rick was the best cook in the world, I was sure of it. Every meal he made was to die for.

“Th-there’s plenty left, feel free to have seconds when you’re done. A-nd I’ll even give you some to take home.” He said. I shook my head and held a hand up to him.

“Oh, don’t let me steal it all. I know you like to save your leftovers for your lunch!”

“Please. Um, I wasn’t kidding when I said I have so much veg I don’t know what to do with it. Y-y-you’d be doing me a favor by taking it off my hands!” He admitted. I laughed, patting the back of his hand.

“Well, in that case I’ll take as much as you can give me.” I grinned. He smiled back, nodding his head eagerly. We fell quiet after that, and in the silence I noticed that he had the radio on. He was playing some Bob Marley quietly in the background, and the entire atmosphere served to drain me of any tension.

I ended up having two bowls full of soup, and Rick seemed impressed by my appetite, pleased that I enjoyed his food so much. I insisted on doing the dishes while he sat down and relaxed. I divided the leftover soup into two airtight tubs, and popped them in the fridge with the leftover salad. The bread was wrapped back up in the paper bag it came in, and placed in the wooden bread bin. Once the kitchen was nice and tidy, I joined Rick in the living room where he was working on a jigsaw puzzle. He was sat cross-legged on the floor, all the pieces spread out around him. I grinned ear to ear at the sight.

“Would you like to join me?” He asked. “Don’t feel obliged. I-I know some people find them a little tedious…”

“I’d love to join you.” I said, taking a seat opposite him. He handed me a cushion to sit on, since the antique Persian rug underneath us offered little padding from the hardwood floor. Rick’s house was full of interesting antiques. Most of which were collected from markets and car boot sales across the country. The rug we were sat on had been in terrible condition when he’d bought it, but he’d spent hours meticulously cleaning and repairing it, reweaving damaged areas by himself. He was extremely resourceful, and his talents seemed to have no end. The rug looked beautiful now.

“This is a ten thousand piece puzzle. I just recently spotted it in a thrift store, s-so let’s hope all the pieces are there!” He said, handing me the box with the picture on. It was a group of wild horses galloping through a dusty, isolated landscape. It was a very beautiful image, and like Rick, I hoped that there weren’t any missing pieces, so we could see it in its entirety. “I like to st-start at the edges and work my way in.” He explained with a smile, sifting through the pile of pieces. He’d already made a start, having joined a few pieces together, revealing what seemed to be the blue sky.

“I might be slower than you. I haven’t done a jigsaw in years.” I warned, and he shook his head.

“It doesn’t matter how long it takes us, it will be nice to work together.”

Rick hummed along with the music still playing quietly. He always paused to give an excited little gasp every time he found the right puzzle piece, and to my surprise I found myself doing the same. I didn’t think I’d have so much fun doing something as simple as a jigsaw puzzle, but I realised that anything with Rick was going to be enjoyable. He had a way of making me enjoy the little things. I had a handful of puzzle pieces, inspecting each one carefully, when I heard Rick give a different kind of gasp. I looked up at him in question, noticing that he was looking at my hand.

“H-how did you do that?” He asked me. I realised he was referring to the nasty burn on my palm. I dropped the puzzle pieces and he reached forward, taking my hand in his.

“The grill pan handle got really hot, and I stupidly grabbed it.” I told him with a sigh.

“Does it hurt?” He asked. I shrugged.

“A little.” I admitted. He rose to his feet, leaving the room for a moment. When he came back, he had a little woven basket in his hands. He set it down, and I peered inside; it was full of first-aid items.

“Y-you should really dress it. Otherwise it could- you could hurt yourself even more.” He told me, and I nodded.

“I was really tired when I did it, it didn’t even occur to me. I’d only just woken up, it was the middle of the night.” I explained, and he gave me a puzzled look.

“I-if it’s alright for me to ask… what were you doing cooking in the middle of the night?” He asked me. I stared at him for a while, unsure of how to answer. He sensed my discomfort, shaking his head as he pulled a bandage out of the basket. “Not to worry. Let’s get this covered up for you.”

“No, it’s okay. It was food for my mum. She… she burned toast and I had to step in.” I said, and a look of understanding passed over his features. He nodded and took my hand in his again, inspecting the wound.

“H-how, um, how is she?” He asked hesitantly. I took a shaky breath.

“Same as usual. I just… I notice it more when I’m not at uni.” I explained. He watched me carefully, his eyes were sad and I had to look away. I felt myself becoming emotional, but I didn’t want to put him in the uncomfortable position of seeing me cry.

“Um, I know it’s not quite my place to say… but I’d like to share something with you, if you don’t mind.” He said, beginning to wrap my hand up in a bandage. He worked so carefully, I barely felt his fingers moving over my hand; he was being overly gentle, trying not to hurt me.

“I don’t mind.” I said, looking back up at his face. He had a look of concentration on his face, a slight frown curving his brow.

“I… I’ve told you about the alternate versions of myself, do you remember?” He asked, and I nodded. Pretty hard to forget that one, I thought. “Well, I didn’t really tell you that, um, I-I-I’m quite different from them. They- ah, it’s difficult for me to explain. They don’t like the things I do and they act very differently, but that’s not what’s important. The thing is, they- a lot of them suffer with, uh, they drink very heavily.” He said, clearing his throat. “Alcoholism is very common among Ricks, and so I have a predisposition to struggle with it myself.”

“Is that why you don’t really drink?” I asked, and he nodded his head, giving me a little smile as he finished dressing my hand. He brought my hand to his face, giving my palm a light kiss. Butterflies erupted in my tummy at this, and I flipped my hand over so I could entwine my fingers with his.

“I used to drink. And f-for a while I was quite- I had a difficult time. Th-that’s when I decided to stop. Since then, I’ve been okay. Y-you know I have the occasional glass of wine with dinner, but that’s all.” He said, and I nodded in understanding. “But, if you noticed; I said I decided to stop.”

I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out the underlying meaning to his words. After a moment, he stood up, urging me to do the same. He guided me over to the sofa and we sat together, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

“I don’t want to make you feel hopeless, that’s not my intention. B-but I understand that you put a lot of pressure on yourself, don’t you?” He asked. I thought about this for a while and I had to agree. I nodded and looked up at him. “I want to help you to stop doing that, b-because it’s not worth it. I decided to stop. And that’s the only reason; nobody convinced me.”

“Oh. I see what you’re trying to say.” I sighed, looking down at the ground.

“I’m sorry, beautiful. I-I-I don’t want you to spend your life worrying about something that you can’t change. The truth is, your mother will make her own decisions, and I know that it’s difficult to accept, but… but nothing you do is going to effect that decision.” He said. It was quite blunt, but deep down I knew that he was right. I’d always known. All the hours I’d spent crying with her, begging her to get help, it wasn’t going to do anything. She was a grown woman, she made her own choices. If she wanted to stop, she would. If not, well…

“I see. You’re right, Rick. It’s just very difficult to sit back and watch it happen, you know?” I said, and he nodded, his expression sympathetic.

“I know. I-if it helps, you’re very welcome here. Any time you feel the need to get away.”

“Thank you.” I whispered, turning and leaning into his side. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, his arm tightening around me.

“Th-there’s nothing wrong with you being there for your mother, or loving her, or even worrying about her. But it isn’t your job to babysit her. Y-you’re her little girl, sh-she should be the one looking out for you. Don’t give yourself a job you didn’t apply for, you see?” He spoke quietly, stroking his hand up and down my arm and resting his cheek against the top of my head. I nodded. “If you want to come over here whenever she starts… um, j-just know I’ll always open my door to you. W- uh, would you like to stay the night?”

“Yes please.” I breathed, relief allowing my shoulder to sag, my muscles to unfurl.

“I lo-” he started, then paused and cleared his throat. “You mean an awful lot to me, (y/n). S-seeing you sad makes me sad, a-a-and I want to do anything I can to help you.”

“Were you about to say-” I looked up at him, a flutter of excitement in my stomach. I paused and shook my head, not wanting to put him under any pressure. “Nevermind.”

“N-no, I uh, I mean… I was.” He said timidly, chewing on his bottom lip with those adorable crooked teeth of his. “I’m sorry.”

“You can say it. I’d like to hear you say it.” I whispered, stroking my hand over his chest. He caught my hand in his, drawing patterns on my palm with his thumb. He looked at me for a long while, his eyes moving back and forth between my own, searching them for something. I didn’t know what. He seemed satisfied with what he saw, it seemed, because his confidence grew.

“I love you.” He told me, and a smile broke out across my face.

“I love you too.” I replied. I craned my neck and kissed his cheek, and he laughed shyly, glancing down at our hands as he flushed.

“D-do you r-really mean that?” He asked me.

“Of course I do. I’ve never been more sure of anything.” I assured him, and he seemed to believe me. He grinned wider than he had all night, then leaned down to press a single kiss to my lips. Rick’s kisses were more often than not very timid. They were brief and soft, and they always left me craving more. I rarely pushed for more, though, preferring to move at his pace. On occasion, I was rewarded for my patience, and Rick would find the confidence to give me more than I could ever hope for. Times like that were what my dreams were made of, and I treasured them, their rarity increasing their value like a precious gem. They were always worth waiting for.

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Pocket Full Of Sunshine

Yay! A random oneshot because I needed some more fluff in my life. Credit goes to NASA for the Sun facts. 🌞

In this fic the reader looks for sunshine in an unconventional place.

__________________

The weather was rather gray, and while it wasn't as cold as it had been a month ago, you weren't exactly in the mood to go out. However, that was alright, because there was a movie marathon on the Hallmark Channel, your lovely boyfriend, and an endless supply of popcorn and ovenless brownies as long as you wanted any. For his part, Rick had made himself comfortable tinkering away at your toaster; which always seemed to be in need of repair but you didn't have the heart to throw it away yet. “I'm glad someone around here knows how to fix something other than a sandwich. Thanks for taking a look at it again. Honestly, I don't know how you do it, especially with all those parts that look about the same.”

“Well, it's uh - it's a continuing process. You'd be surprised how many electronics have similar parts, but taking them apart can tell you a-a lot about its structure and purpose. And I-I ugh - I don't mind. I used to have one just like this and it'll last a while if y-you take care of it.”

“I'll try, but man if I knew everything like you did, I might've been able to fix it myself.”

“Gosh,” he brightened, “I-I-I bet you could do it. I know you could if you learned how to.”

“Is this your way of telling me you'll be my special tutor?” you winked.

“Huh? Y-yeah, sure if-if you'd like.”

It never ceased to amaze you how oblivious Zeta-7 could be, even more so when you flirted with him, but that was half of his charm and you wouldn't have had it any other way. “I would. Thank you very much cutie.”

Now, it was amusing how a few simple words could have such a profound effect on him, though you always took a mental note to use them again; albeit if it was only for his adorable reactions. With a blush dusted over his cheeks, he scratched the back of his neck, a bit sheepish. “It w-would be my pleasure.”

“I'm sure it would. Now, the million dollar question, is there anything you wouldn't do? Like, if I asked you to change the weather, you'd probably have a device for that and know how to do it, right?.”

Setting down his screwdriver, he nodded. “I-I actually do but it's - it's not recommended to mess with th-the meteorological elements because it could make quite an impact on the environment.”

“I don't doubt that, but since there's a good chance I'd never ask you to do that, I do wonder what you'd do if I wanted a little bit of sunshine instead.”

“Hmm, th-the sun will come out after it rains, but I-I can take you somewhere warmer if that's what you'd like. Why?”

“Well, what if I told you I know how to make the sun come out?”

With raised brow, he wondered. “I-I don't know how, but I - that would be fascinating.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm. How do you intend t-t-to do that?”

Smiling up at him, you leaned over and pressed a sweet kiss on his cheek. “Like this.”

It was endearing how he'd raise a hand to his cheek, with a dozen or so thoughts passing through his head before his light surprise softened to a warm fondness. “Gosh, th-that's swell, but I-I don't understand.”

“Ricky,” you giggled, “as a man of science, you already know that the sun is the heart of our solar system, but for me,” you softened, “you are the star of my heart as well as an integral part of my universe. And only you can brighten up my day.”

The hand which had been on his cheek a few moments ago, came down to rest upon your right hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Gee, I'm glad y-you think so. Do you - do you know that the Sun's gravity holds the solar system together?” you didn't know, but you nodded in understanding. He continued. “Its gravity keeps everything from the biggest planets t-t-to the smallest particles of debris in its orbit. I-I don't want to bore you with all - with a drawn-out explanation,” which never did, but you listened on. “but what I wanted t-t-to say, is while there are billions of stars like our Sun scattered across th-the Milky Way galaxy, y-you're the only star that'll ever matter to me. And I-I only want you in m-my orbit.”

Well, it was official, you were mush, but how could you expect any less from your lovely, bright, sunshiney man? Hmm, you couldn't, though you were surprised all the time. And while that was the beginning of the niceness brigade for that afternoon, as always you were sure it wouldn't be the last.

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

In Time Things Grow

A fic inspired by my gardening today as well as a few childhood memories. Hope you like it 😘

In this fic you have a few thoughts about plants.

______________

You never had a green thumb. Your father had been able to grow and take care of anything, and from what you had heard from your father was that your mother had been a skilled florist. Sure, it could've been expected that you would have been a natural gardener, but you tended to kill everything you touched. It explained why your backyard had become a wasteland fit only for rocks and crabgrass. “It would've broken my dad's heart if he saw this.” you confessed as you looked over your yard which had at one point been full of the best blooms on this side of the county.

“None of this is y-your fault.”

“Of course it is. All that time my dad tried to teach me and how it all worked, I had allowed it to slip past my head in favor of my video games. This is the consequence of my negligence and incompetence.”

“Y-you kept the lilies alive.” he encouraged, pointing towards the random bloom in the leftmost corner of the yard. “It's only because they're the hard to kill hybrid you made. Face it,” you sighed, kicking a rock out of the way. “I'm not fit to be called a master gardeners daughter, and neither am I worthy of stepping into your conservatory.”

“D-don't say that.”

“I know I shouldn't, but I sometimes mourn for what used to be here. Probably not the best thing to do, but I can't help it because I know it's true.”

Wrapping an arm about your waist, he said softly. “It's never t-t-too late to learn. I can teach you if you'd like.”

“You tried to before. What'll make this time different? The timing? The urgency?”

“I'm not entirely sure,” he admitted. “but I-I know one thing: that y-you want to. And that m-mi corazón is the first step.”

______________

Zeta-7 had demonstrated how to cut crossover branches and hangover branches before, but instead of doing what you had been taught, you in turn destroyed, almost desecrated the perfect loveliness of a once overgrown rosemary bush, mutilated a hibiscus, and hacked away at some English ivy. He had been patient, and puttered around, checking on you every so often, but when you realized that the pile of cuttings all over the floor had been your doing, you dropped the pruning shears and apologized. “I'm so sorry. I can't believe I cut all that. Why didn't you stop me?”

Setting down his watering can, he confessed with a warm, sincere fondness, “You - you looked almost entranced. I didn't want t-to interrupt.”

It hadn't necessarily felt that way, but you did feel a certain freedom as well as responsibility when you cut away stems and branches, and they would fall around you. “I don't know, but I haven't killed them have I?”

“N-no, they'll be fine. You see, all of these are easy t-to grow from cuttings. So, in a-a sense, you did me a favor because I'll have more plants to care for soon. Isn't that neat?”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Like, y-you see this? The rosemary had become woody, but now it should - should be alright. It'll have a chance t-t-to thrive again and won't be bitter. This particular hibiscus needed t-t-to be cut back in order to encourage blooming and new growth. And well, the English ivy needed t-t-to be repotted since it had outgrown its current container. Good job princess,” Zeta-7 complimented as he pressed a sweet kiss on your temple. “I'm - I'm proud of you.”

“Rick, you really are too forgiving. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing or that I'd ever know. Maybe this was a mistake.”

“Gosh, it wasn't a mistake, but a-a happy accident. I know you'll get a feel for it. I can see it in your eyes how much y-you really want to understand. I ugh - I remember a time when everything I took care of would die.”

With this, a far off look came over him and reminiscence took place. Happy, sorrowful, and resigned thoughts, as well as flutters of acceptance, passed over him as he took your hand in his and lead you over towards the couch. He took a seat, and so did you. After a few minutes of silence, he explained. “As a-a kid, I used to get cuttings from around town and I-I had a little corner of the yard dedicated to my personal, childish garden. One of my issues was overwatering, and another was forgetting t-to water, but with practice, I got better. I grew beans, pigeon peas and whatever I-I could get my hands on. I had to do plenty of research when there was something I-I didn't understand and y-y-you can't believe how much trial and error it took before I could keep seedlings alive, but it - I wouldn't have all this today if I-I-I-I never gave it a try. Currently, all this is still a-a work in progress and so am I, but it makes me happy, just like you do.”

“But you're a genius. I find it hard to believe that you'd have any trouble.”

“I'm glad y-you think so, but I'm - there are still many things I-I don't know, but that's only half the fun: the learning part. I hope t-t-to keep learning as much as I can so that one day all of this will be ours and,” he blushed, his voice almost a whisper. “to our family.”

You said nothing after this, but you nodded and helped him pick up all the cuttings. Some of it went towards the compost pile, and other pieces he either stuck into some pots or into jars full of water. You noticed that there were jars with herbs, which were growing without an issue, and others which had labels with dates on them. One of them was dated a few weeks ago, but the cutting in that jar didn't look any different or appeared to have any growth. You wondered what had happened with this one, but Zeta-7 answered before you could ask. “Sometimes, it ugh - it takes a little time. It could take days, and other times it could take months, but it'll grow.”

Hmm, perhaps it would, and one day you would too. Although it'll take some time, you weren't going to give up, because you knew Rick wouldn't. And turning round to face him, you smiled up at the face which gave you hope. “So it will,” you softened. “and I can't wait.”

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Big thanks go to @xerxezra for helping me figure out how to get the text to show properly. The theme for this is cute texts between Rick and the reader. Hope you guys like it 😘

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Is That How?

A small oneshot cause why not. I think I'll be getting back to writing more regularly pretty soon, but for now here's this. Hope you like it. 😘 If you ever want to request anything leave an ask, or if you want to read what I've already written check out my Fanfic Masterpost.

In this fic Rick explains

__________

There was a blow torch, marshmallow peeps, and a bottle of expired root beer that had been excavated from a Martian crater. And while he had explained for a whole hour what had happened, you were still confused. “Are you sure that's how the story goes?”

Turning off the blowtorch, and setting it down on the workbench, he nodded. “Y-yeah, at least that's how it ugh - it was explained t-to me. Why?”

“Rick,” you giggled, “I think you're one of the cutest men alive, but that's not how the game Twister works.”

“Wh-what? It's not?”

“No.” you answered, which caused him to sag into his chair.

“Aw geez, I-I-I should've known better. The Rick who explained it t-to me had been inebriated at the time.”

It was hard not to be amused as well as moved when he had been so matter of fact about the whole thing. Though, you hoped to soften the blow, by sharing your thoughts on the matter. “I mean, I've never played it cause my dad thought it was suggestive, but there might be a dimension where it's played that way. So, as much as I'm sure that's not how you play it, how can I truly say so for certain? As a man of science, I'm sure you view a little of everything as hypothetical until proven otherwise.”

He removed his welders mask to reveal a brow lifted in intrigue. “I-I know I can be skeptical sometimes, but would y-you care to elaborate m-mi corazón?”

“Only if I can elaborate next to you.” you winked.

This perplexed him, though after a few moments he blushed. “If th-that's what you prefer.”

You hopped up on the workbench and poked his cheek to ease him. “You better believe it.”

“Please b-be careful, the blowtorch it's still ugh - it's still hot.”

He had told you before that it would be preferable if you didn't get too close to any of the dangerous equipment, but considering that it was only burned, expired food this time you were sure it'd be alright. “You mean like you?” you teased, causing him to blush all the more.

“Oh, I-I-I don't know about - about that.”

“Well, I'll let you figure that part out. Anyway, you've said so yourself, infinite realities, infinite possibilities. There must be a place where playing Twister is life and death, or where it's something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. And if not, then maybe there's only a slight variation from place to place. Honestly, I think peeps and root beer would improve any game and are therefore always a great idea, but adding the blowtorch is just a lawsuit waiting to happen. However, if a person is a pyromaniac then I'm sure that's perfect. So don't feel bad Ricky, cause you're right somewhere.”

“I never thought of - of it that way before. Still,” he frowned, “it's not how it's played in this dimension is it? Gosh, I-I-I thought something didn't sound right. I'm s-sorry I wasted your time.”

“Oh, don't be sorry. I thought it was a wonderful story. You looked like you were having fun explaining it all. I know it was fun for me to watch. Though,” you smiled warmly as you tore off the head of one of the unmelted peeps to pop into your mouth. “I can't say the same for all the casualties.”

“I guess I should probably clean all th-this up then.”

“Hmm, don't worry about it. I'll go ahead and do that for you. It's the least I can since I just decapitated the only survivor, but there's something that I thought of just now, have you ever wondered how to play chutes and ladders?”

“N-n-no.”

“Good, cause I've never played that either. However,” you softened. “I know how to in theory and I'm sure you do too.”

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Winter Rain

I'd like to thank @xerxezra for the encouragement. I really needed it, and to the Enya song in which the title and fic is based on. I'm still working on the fic to go with a fanart of mine, but until then feel free to check out my other fics which can be found on my Fanfic Masterpost or Ao3 links which are in my description under my header.

In this fic the reader deals with a change in plans.

_______________

City streets were passing by, underneath stormy skies. No, there were no neon signs but there were cargo trains rolling by on the tracks parallel to the main road. Hmm, wasn't that an Enya song? Perhaps it was.

Funny that you were thinking of new age songs when none were playing on the radio, though you wouldn't have minded if any music was on; it would've made a difference. Enya's songs in themselves reminded you of that one teacher in elementary school who wore that cherry brooch you liked and drowned herself in a bottle of perfume. Your teacher, whatever her name, was halfway pleasant, but always wore a blouse which was a size too big and thus you always saw more of her then you cared to whenever she leaned over a desk to assist another student. Another Enya song, Only Time, reminded you of that one book you tried to read around that time with the questionable cover. Of course, neither of these things had anything to do with the drive home, but it was a passing nostalgia you couldn't pass up.

Wiry, naked trees were scattered along the way; none of them of much consequence except to the fragments of your imagination, where they were dancers in a wintery, mournful ballet. For his part, Rick was unaware of these random thoughts, for you had not mentioned them, but you did wonder about something else when you took a glance at the time and found you two were getting home a little faster than usual. “Rick, do you prefer driving? Or is flying in your spaceship easier?”

“I-I think each one is great in its own way,” he answered, keeping his eyes on the road. “but th-the fastest way to travel is by using my portal gun.”

“So it is. Hmm, makes me wonder what the Flash would have to say about that.” you commented as rain pitter-pattered against the passenger side window. “I bet he'd have a few things to say if you can catch him.”

“Gee, I don't know. I'll ugh - I'll have to ask him the next time I'm in his Earth dimension.”

Sometimes you didn't know if he was being serious or simply joking, though you tended to believe him, especially since it only added to your natural wonder. Your curiosity was a quality which tickled him immensely, but whether he could withstand it while driving was not something you were about to test. Outside, straight ahead, the roads looked all the same, although, to the discerning eye, one would notice the cracks here and there, and the splattered paint on the curb closest to city hall and the fire station. And while the roads were neither empty or full, you would say they were in want of life and perhaps a good shoveling, but with whatever technology hidden in the nooks and crannies of his station wagon, you two drove on the icy roads with ease. It was cold outside, but you weren't cold; Rick made sure of that by giving you the heated seat and a quilt to drape over yourself.

You were, however slightly bored because Zeta-7 hadn't been talking all that much this evening. He had been in a mood and you thought it could've had something to do with the phone call he received while you two were at the craft shop but he didn't say. It hadn't made him any less sweet, but he seemed distant in a familiar way that you were sure you had experienced some time ago. Perhaps he was fearful, he would have reason; contemplative as always; afraid, to an almost unhealthy degree, but risking a chance to placate him, you joked. “Are you trying something new? Is it a seduction tactic, cause I'm certainly intrigued.”

“Wh-what?” he blushed, as he turned the corner to head towards your street.

“Aren't you trying the broodish thing all cool guys do in those cheap romance novels? You know, the kind they sell at the drugstore?” you giggled, turning up the heat in the car to fit your preference.

“Gosh, n-n-no. I ugh - I-I don't think I'm cool enough t-t-to do that.”

“Really? Well, I think if you wanted to you could, though I doubt you'd try it unless convinced it would work. Not sure how effective it would be on me, but this isn't about me. What's going on with you,” you questioned with a serious, but gentle candor. “you haven't said much tonight.”

“I ugh - I have a few things on my mind is all, but it's going t-to be okay. I'm sorry if I alarmed you.”

“Not too much, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. Are you?”

Stopping in front of your home, he admitted with a sudden disheartenment. “I don't know. Sometimes it's - it's hard to know especially if you hear bad news but I th-think I will be. Eventually.”

One of his watches was flashing, and it made you wonder if it meant what you thought it meant. While you couldn't read the line of code which passed over its digital face, you thought you'd seen a similar line of code before. “Are you going to have to go? Is that what's bothering you? I know you promised that we'd paint together tonight, but you won't be able to will you?”

“No, I'm - I'm sorry. I had asked for the whole week off, but this - it's from my supervisor. I can't ignore it. I have to go in. I-I really wish I didn't have to.”

“Oh Rick, if you had to go, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would've understood.”

“You were having such a-a great time picking out supplies that I didn't - I couldn't bring myself to crush your excitement. Now th-that I think about it, I don't know if this was any better, but I-I asked that I'd be able to bring you home first so that I wouldn't have to worry about leaving you there without a-a word.”

Zeta-7 hated to break his promises, and you hated the feeling of a broken promise, but as he switched the car off, and you two walked towards your porch, you admitted. “I would've figured it out and got home somehow. I mean there's enough Uber drivers in this town, and one of them would've driven me home, but I'm glad that at least I had this time with you. Please be careful and visit me whenever. You know you can.”

Instead of comforting him as your easy resignation usually would, he balled his fists and hit them against the railing; hateful of his own inadequacies. You had to admit that when he got upset, it caught you off guard, but it also reminded you that he still was very much a Rick, albeit a softer one. “Th-this wasn't supposed to happen. I-I don't understand why it always comes to this. We were - I had so many things planned out for us and th-”

You hugged him from behind, interrupting what he was going to say. “There will always be next time. Calm down,” you cooed, “it's all going to be okay. It's not the end of the world and I'm not upset by it.”

“But I don't - I don't want t-to keep doing this to you. I promised.”

“I know, but it's not like you do this on purpose. You see, this is what happens when a girl like me dates a guy like you. Expect the unexpected, and maybe a few space worms every once in a while if I eat a sandwich from a gas station on a comet somewhere. These things happen.”

“I wish it - it didn't. Lately,” he confessed, his voice taking on its softer quality. “I've been thinking a-about when I'd like to retire. Maybe I finally should.”

“Whatever you want to do, I'm okay with it. As long as it makes you happy, but only if you do it without regret. You would know best of course.”

“I-I certainly hope so.”

You two stood there in silence for a moment, but you heard a beeping noise emanate from under his sleeve. “I d-don't want to say goodbye, but I'll miss you m-mi corazón.”

When he wasn't around, your home felt emptier,

though you refrained from saying so, and because you didn't want to add to his guilt you simply said. “I'll miss you too.”

“Th-there's a chance I won't see you in a few days. At least it will feel th-that way for me.”

“You can always call me, and if you can't then I'll see you when I see you. You know where I'll be.”

“Yeah,” he sighed. “somewhere I-I'm not.”

“Don't say that. You're always on my mind, and I'd like to think you're always with me, in one way or another. There's no way I couldn't think of you.”

He turned around to face you, his eyes appearing twice as expressive through his glasses. Zeta-7 studied you and brushed his thumb across the back of your hand. “Siempre estás c-conmigo, and because of - of that, I'm never truly l-lonely.”

“Oh Rick, I love you.”

As easily as it was to adore him with your entire being, so it was to break his heart. Whether it had been a lack of love or an abundance of heartache in his life thus far which shook him to his bones, a replenishing of spirit was always in order. You weren't tall, you never had been, but stepping on the tips of your toes, you pressed a kiss on his cheek that never failed to floor him, and marvel as though it were from a fairy queen; one comprised of stardust and moonbeams. “This means you belong to me. Got it cutie? No one else has dibs except for me, so don't look so surprised. You're mine.”

Like a tease, the weather picked up and the strong gust which followed made you shiver, which alarmed him and prevented his reply. You were trying to tough it out because he could be gone at any moment. And must've sensed this, for against your control you shivered once more, but he pulled off his own scarf to wrap around your neck. “It's going t-t-to get colder,” he said protectively. “so please don't forget to wrap yourself up tonight. I um - I placed a-a few thick blankets in your closet just in case. Why d-don't you go inside?”

“Because I can bear it for a little bit longer. Thank you,” you smiled sweetly up at him, despite losing feeling in your cheeks. “but I doubt I'll try to leave my house for the next few days. I'll look after this for you. Hopefully, it's going to be warmer where you're going.”

“I-I can't say, it's…”

“Classified information.” you finished.

“Gosh, I-I-I guess you know th-the drill by now. Smart girl.”

“Maybe. I don't know much, but I know you, and that you can't tell me certain things because you don't want whichever information to be held against me. At least I'm learning. Either way,” you softened, buttoning the top button on his jacket. “please be careful.”

“I-I will. Can I um - can I-I give you a kiss?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

Though of course, he would ask as though your disappointment would disqualify his validity to partake of your affection. He bent down to try to kiss you goodbye, his glasses fogging up at the closeness between you two, but a portal opened right behind him and the guard Rick's on the other side pulled him through. And like that, he was gone again; without a choice; without a goodbye. Your arms which had been around his waist a moment ago, you brought down to rest at your sides, and you too clenched your fists in quick frustration but found yourself halfway exhausted by the cold temperatures and suddenness of it all.

His scarf felt warm and soft about your neck and smelled like him; of vanilla, and of whatever his house smelled like. You thought of the painting that you two would not do tonight, and how you were once again alone. That seemed to magnify it all, intensify the fact that you might've always been alone and destined to remain as such. It used to make you cry when you realized that he could be taken from you at any moment, but you had gotten used to it, or at least you thought you did. Only a few hours ago, you two were at a café, discussing painting techniques and how with a little practice you too could paint that little tree you liked that was growing in the corner of your yard; his enthusiasm was contagious, and you were pumped because you really wanted to show him you had been practicing.

If once again someone cried, then it was you because he couldn't cry where he was going; he wouldn't dare to and repress it for as long as he could help it; if only you were as strong.

Oh, winter rain, how could it relate? It knew little except its natural way; of falling upon the earth; of life; of beginnings; of letting go; of uncertainty. Yet, it wasn't the rains fault; it does not know and could not know; if only. It was cold, and you were cold, with the only part of you that was really warm being where his scarf was.

Thinking of what lied in store for him made you want him back all the more so that you could hold him, and make him feel safe. You wanted him back now because it seemed so unfair that they'd take him when he didn't want to go, but you couldn't bring him back; not even for his sake; being against your power just like the rain. For now, all you could do was only open the front door to your home and step in as the last train passed by; not knowing when the next will come.

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

This Never Happened Before (1/?)

This fic is based off @kittenears41 fic It's You.

Please read her fic first, it's such a delight as well as check out her other fics because she introduces concepts not commonly used. It's incredible that she allowed me to do this.

This will be multi chap, though I hadn't planned on how long it should be yet. For now here's chap one. I hope I did your fic justice @kittenears41 and will enjoy what I did with it. 😘 This fic is unrelated to my Fluffy Adventures Series but I'll add the link to my Fanfic Masterpost. Title based off the Paul McCartney song of the same name.

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Chapter 1: Waiting For Arrival

This had never happened to you before.

Visions of color, a sea of people, and you moving and drifting against the tide. You had an idea of where you were supposed to be, and who you were going to meet, but it fed the conflagration of your building expectations which had no outlet to be relieved. It was a first; the beginning of everything. Unfamiliar faces were like dashing daydreams ready to be caught as you turned to find a quieter corner; leaving them to find their reality. You never had to sit on questionably clean benches, wait amongst the souls who were indifferent to your current dilemma, and wait with bated breath as a new chapter of your life was ready to be known.

Has this never happened before?

It wasn't all that unpleasant, but rather a thrill you weren't all that familiar. In your mind's eye, you could already see yourself with him; the man of your dreams, ready to delight in his sweetness, and bathing in your combined joy, but you were uncertain if that was how it would go. He should be here any minute now you thought as you glanced at your phone every now and again; you couldn't wait for him to be here. You wanted him to be here.

It was 11 AM this Sunday morning, and you hadn't been waiting long, but if you thought about it, then you sort of had. One day of curiosity, a chance, an online connection had led to this; six months of video chats, phone calls, and text messages which etched and weaved along the landscape of your imagination; allowing a sense of beautiful longevity to form and grow and bloom with affection. Oh, you really couldn't wait. You thought of going to one of the nearby bars, to drink liquid confidence but you knew how he felt about liquor, so you decided to browse one of the gift shops instead.

______________

There was a plethora of tacky souvenirs, but you didn't think that would suit him, and eventually found yourself amongst the book section, staring straight at a historical romance novel. Should you get him a book? No, that wouldn't be enough; with all you knew you still felt unsure. What did you buy for the man who had cured cancer? For a scientist who had won many awards?

You had thought of scientific magazines or electronics he might enjoy, but then you thought of the other side of him; the side you fell in love with. He was a tender soul, albeit a mature one, who enjoyed fine literature as well as a variety of creative activities, who had somehow retained a sliver of innocence which gave him allowances to enjoy what might've been thought of as childish. So, when you saw a teddy bear in his favorite shade of blue, you knew he had to have it; to join the other stuffed animals for the tea parties he carried out in mid-afternoon. Hopefully, he’ll like it. Buying the bear and a candy bar, you decided to sit where you could see the arrivals.

You glanced at the flat screen which displayed the arrival times, though found it'd still be a while. Hmm, waiting for your special someone to arrive, it was one of the hardest things you ever had to do, but you knew it had to happen eventually, especially if there was ever to be more than a screen in between. You two had wanted to meet before, but the timing never worked, plus you had been afraid; anxious over what if’s. Having never met in real life, it took a great deal of faith and trust; both of which you now felt implicitly. Though, you wondered if he was as nervous as you were, perhaps he was.

However, it soon wore off as you looked on your phone, seeing his cute face in the saved pictures he had sent you; it was like you were never alone. This never failed to get you flustered; him being the sweetest man you'd ever had the fortune of spending time with, if only just to talk; if only just to know. And now you were to see him, to hold him, to feel him. 6 months of waiting had led up to this; a wish, a hope for future bliss.

You couldn't contain the flurry, the bubbling excitement and stood back up to pace, though not without a blush on your face. You were about to meet your adorable, lovely sweetheart of a boyfriend, and you yearned for his embrace. You wondered what he smelled like; if he was soft or very strong. No doubt he would be better in person, but would you be what he wanted? A woman nearby wondered where you were going, since you had no luggage, and you happily replied: “To see my cute boyfriend of course.”

It was reassuring to say that to someone; you had wanted to for the longest time. She studied you and teased. “You really like him, don't you? I can see it written all over your face.”

“Like him? I love him. He's my favorite person in all the world. Why,” you felt your cheeks burn, “he makes my heart feel as though it's going to explode. I know it sounds silly, but I can't wait to see him. I really wish he was here.”

Picking off a random piece a lint from her skirt, she seemed to stare past you, but the playfulness in her voice remained. “I wonder how he'd feel if he heard that.”

“Happy most likely. He's really good at being optimistic, as well as a lot of other things.”

You hadn't heard the approaching footsteps or realized who had arrived, but whoever stood behind you started to chuckle, you turned back around. "Hohoho, I-I'm flattered y-you feel that way. It's rather surprising, but y-you're right. I'm glad to have heard it."

You knew he was talking; that his lips moved and words were coming out at the speed of his excitement, but your heart drummed against your ribs, the deafening sound of your affection almost more than you could bear. There he was, in the flesh, more wonderful than you had hoped, in his blue sweater and labcoat; his winning smile too bright for your unworthy eyes. Yet, here you were like a lovestruck teenager, the flutter of butterflies getting into a tizzy in your tummy. You opened your mouth, but no words came out, and you gestured, but it was all just a bundle of confusion. Oh no, this wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

All around, the visions became blurs, and whatever he had been saying, he paused to study you. The lines around his eyes deepened, as well as the creases of his forehead. The brightness of his electric blue eyes softened, and without hesitation, he placed his hands on your shoulders hoping you were alright. From the moment you felt that light squeeze on your shoulder, you knew this was right.

“It's you. You're… you're here.” you managed to whisper.

He nodded. “Mhm, that's right. I'm here.”

TBC

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Like Grains Of Sand

Currently working on several fics I'll be posting soon, but for now here's a quick oneshot.

In this fic the reader laments

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There were many things you allowed to slip through your fingers, be it things, dreams, opportunities, friends, people, and a great manner of untouchable, yet visceral emotions that you had thought you couldn't feel anymore. At times it felt like a handful of pebbles, other days it felt like sand, though if it were ever air, then perhaps it had come and gone before you'd known. Although you were at an age, where you were supposed to know better, you found that you usually didn't. Rick would tell you it's alright not to know something, for people learn from experiences and from mistakes, though you wished everyday that you'd make one less mistake than the last and that you'd someday run out of mistakes so you wouldn't have to mourn them anymore.

It wasn't fun to feel like a moron or to scrutinize yourself with the many expectations you had created in your little dream world in where everything was safe all the time. Yet, as ever Zeta-7 would take you into his arms and remind you of your many fine qualities, and make you brownies or sweets and ask you to help him in the garage if you wanted; all happy little distractions to keep your mind off of it. And usually, just as easily as those lost things had slipped through your hands in which you had been sad over, slipped away your current sadness, like the finest grains of sand. Maybe, all those things weren't so lost as you allowed yourself to believe, but misplaced. As Zeta-7 would tell you, “Treasure w-wouldn't be treasure if it was easy t-to find.”

And the more you were around him, the more you were inclined to believe it.

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Two versions of the this drawing. To promote my series The Fluffy Adventures With Your Boyfriend Doofus Rick. Currently, I'm practicing drawing and working on several wips. In the meantime, check out my Doofus Rick x Reader fics as well as my Other Rick X fics and Cat Rick X Reader fics which can be found in my Fanfic Masterpost.

Thanks for everyone's continued support. And don't be shy, leave an ask in my ask box anytime. 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Sweater Weather

I enjoy the headcanon of Doofus Rick having a variety of sweaters. And after looking at stock photos, I was inspired to write this fic. Hope you guys like it.

In this fic Ricks sweater causes some conflict.

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In the great vastness of space, one could learn the true meaning of loneliness. For miles upon miles, floating upon nothing, you could say it was like sailing across the sea. Yet, unlike the salt or crashing waves of the ocean, you two would navigate across star systems or avoid asteroid fields, while at the same time enjoy the peace which comes from being somewhere uncongested. However, as fascinating as it was to go on intergalactic, space adventures, one of the things you didn't enjoy was the extreme temperature changes; most of the time, you'd stay in the ship or stay home if a planet's climate was too cold for your taste, but on this occasion, Rick needed an extra pair of hands when you two stopped on Mars after spending most of the day at the Jerryboree.

After Zeta-7 had traded a few items of his own to obtain what he came for at a reduced price, you two ran as fast as you could back towards the ship, but by the time the ship was out of the Martian orbit, you were chilled to the bone. Rubbing your arms, you shivered. "I wonder if I'll ever get used to this."

Your breath came out like a cloud of smoke and the cold that had seemed mild at first had numbed your face and extremities. Rick turned up the heat, as well as turned on the seat warmers and offered you a freeze-dried Phytonian branch worm, but you passed on the offer. You knew it would have warned you up straight away, but the last time you tried one of those things, you had a stomach ache for three days. Concerned, he placed the ship on autopilot and did his best to search around in the back seat for anything you could use to warm up, but then as though it struck him on the head he groaned. "Darn it, I-I forgot that I removed the spare blanket to wash it."

"Where is it now?"

"I-I left it in the dryer."

You thought of telling him that it wasn't his fault he forgot it since you had distracted him this morning with a video about ninja cats, but it wouldn't have helped the situation. "Ricky," you tried to ease him with a weak smile but your teeth chattered. "it's not a big deal. Besides, we're not that far from home."

However, he wasn't convinced. You weren't as experienced when it came to space travel, but you knew well enough of the possible dangers associated with extreme body temperature shifts. The chill you had spread deep into your bones until you thought you'd rattle if shaken; a lick of fear traveling down your spine but otherwise you didn't feel too bad. Nonetheless, Rick was concerned for your well-being, and knowing you two were hundreds of thousands of miles away from your dimension's version of Earth, he made a decisive decision and started removing articles of his own clothing. "Whoa, what are you doing?"

With a blush, he handed you not only his knitted Jerry sweater but also his labcoat; leaving him in a thin t-shirt which had a snoopy patch on the right shoulder; how cute. "I hope it'll s-suffice until we get home."

"But what about you? What are you going to wear?"

Flashing you a stern look which left little room for argument, you slipped on his sweater and lab coat, and was delighted to feel a little more like yourself and relaxed by its scent; it was his essence; that of vanilla, of his home, and something you couldn't quite think of; chemicals perhaps. "Hmm, your clothes are a lot more comfortable than I expected them to be. How um…..how do I look?"

Turning down the lights and switching back to manual, he nodded. "It suits you m-mi corazón."

You admired its softness and passed your hand over the tight, twisted knit. It was a lovely shade of light sage green, and had a picture of a smiling Jerry holding a titanic ship model; you thought it was sweet that it was a picture of his friend. So many things this man-made or owned had a purpose or a story; this piece was most likely made to brighten up the day that the Jerrys in his care were having. Your Rick really was a good man; better yet because he saw the value in regular folk who probably didn't see it in themselves. "I like your clothes, Rick," you commented; your heart warmed by his goodness. "they seem to carry bits of you in them."

"Th-that could be said about any piece of clothing that's been worn. They carry bits of our DNA." he stated matter of factly.

"Eh….that's... I mean I get that, but that's not where I was going with this. I meant that they're soft and warm like you Ricky. You enjoy dressing comfortably, don't you? You own a variety of sweaters."

"Wh-who doesn't? I've sort of been dressing th-the same way for the last twenty or so years but when I met you, I had more opportunities to dress up. However, the older I get, the more often I'm in need of something a-a bit warmer and gentler on my skin. Actually, some of my clothes are locked to my particular genetic signature so that they'll or adjust according to the weather or climate. That way, I'll have less t-to carry on certain excursions."

"Incredible, that'll certainly come in handy, but can I ask you something?"

"Y-yes?"

"I know you're focused on driving," you started, wondering if your assumptions were correct. "but is there a reason why you haven't looked me in the eyes since we left Mars, or am I just thinking too much?"

He visibly stiffened, but he still didn't face you. Rick seemed troubled, for he tightened his grip on the wheel. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to ask, but what else could you have done? If you didn't ask, how else would you have known? Still, if you had waited, you would've noticed the red light blinking on the control panel sooner. It was a caution light, but you weren't so concerned, but you should've been.

Rick had opened his mouth to answer, with a faraway look in his eyes, but in the blink of an eye he made a sharp left turn around some space junk; jostling you two as well as the cargo. That was another thing you hated about space was Earth's contribution to its pollution. Unknowingly, you two had deviated from the usual course by a few miles, leading you two into a dangerous situation. Whether it was the fault of his navigation equipment or his lack of focus you didn't know, but it took a couple of minutes of evading space junk before you two could breathe a sigh of relief. And at the first opportunity, he switched the ship back to autopilot. "I'm s-sorry about that. I'm usually a better driver." he started, scratching the back of his neck as he glanced out the window in search of an answer in the emptiness of space. You couldn't see anything except for a few stars and the Earth straight ahead, but you had a feeling that where he was looking was somewhere you couldn't see. When he was ready, he turned around in his seat to glance at you, but then quickly turned back to face the steering wheel. How odd. "T-t-to answer your question," he stammered. "y-you're not thinking too much. I've just been distracted."

"Oh, okay."

"Are y-you alright? Nothing hurts does it?"

"I mean, other than feeling wide awake now, no harm was done I guess, but what happened? It isn't like you to let your mind wander while we're out here. Rick, would you like me to take over the wheel so you can straighten out your thoughts?"

"No, it's not - I can do it. I got this."

"Are you sure?"

"Mhm, as long as I-I focus on the wheel."

He hadn't really answered your original question, but since you guys nearly avoided death, it probably wasn't a good time.

________

He parked the ship in his garage, and since it wasn't that late, you two walked over to your home. Rick hadn't said much since earlier, but you figured he'd let you know what was bothering him later. As soon as you crossed the threshold of your home, you started a pot of coffee for Rick to drink when it was ready. Then, you got a blanket from the closet and offered it to him just in case he was cold, but he didn't care for one. He was still in a mood, and you wondered if the reason you'd upset him was that you were still wearing his sweater. "You probably want this back right?"

Slipping out of his sweater and labcoat, you felt the temperature difference immediately and took up the blanket you had taken out and wrapped it around yourself. "Thanks for letting me borrow them. I'll be sure to pack something with me next time."

"I'm n-not sure if that's such a-a good idea." he said with seriousness.

"What do you mean?"

The lines around his eyes deepened, as well as the creases of his forehead, and there was a pensive cloudiness of his usually electric blues. Frustrated, he bit down on his lip almost hard enough to make it bleed. "B-because it's distracting."

"What?"

He continued. "I-I should've brought you home first or gotten the parts a different time."

"But I thought you wanted help." you sniffled.

"Y-you don't understand."

"What's there to understand?" you retorted; sinking into the couch as tears stung the back of your eyes, and threatened to come out. "You...you don't want me to help you anymore? I thought we were a team."

Your saddened state shifted his sour mood, and he apologized. "Gosh, please don't cry mi corazón, I-I didn't mean it."

"But you sai-"

"I'm not upset at you," he reassured you. "I'm disappointed in myself for allowing this to happen. I've become complacent and I-I should've been prepared. You could've gotten sick, hurt, or worse just because I got distracted. Next time I'll bring you your own sweater and snacks or whatever you want."

"Is it because you don't want me wearing yours? Did I ruin it or something?"

"No, it's because," he swallowed, unsure how to broach the subject. "cuando lo usas, es… es apretado."

What? You understood the part where he said you used it, but not the rest. Pulling out your phone from your pocket, you asked Google what all of that just meant, but the answer you got didn't help. "Rick, should I be offended?"

"I-I hope not. I promise it's not what you're thinking."

"Then what is it? I'm not getting any clear answers here."

"I um - I'm sorry if I offended you. It's not what I intended to do. I know what I'm about t-to tell you sounds silly since I had hoped I'd outgrow this, but I still feel shy around you."

This much you did know. He was overly conscious of himself, his actions, and how he might disappoint or be lacking, but most of all was hateful of his own inadequacies. Yet, for where he found fault, you found virtue and you would remind him of that, but in this case, you simply needed to listen. "That's okay, I already knew that."

"I don't feel like that all the time, but today I got embarrassed all of a sudden. I-I don't know what happened. Y-you were wearing my clothes and I saw your silhouette in the starlight and I got nervous."

Huh? That's what was bothering him?

"Why?"

"It um - it made me wonder what it'd be like if we lived together and…oh, it's embarrassing."

The hand which he had resting on the couch gripped the fabric tightly, and he was mortified because he had been distracted by you; which under normal circumstances he'd be able to remain calm. Covering his hand with yours, you gave him a squeeze."No, I would like to hear what you were thinking about very much."

Lacing his fingers with yours, you two sat there for a matter of minutes as he gathered his thoughts together. When he calmed a little, he confessed. "I thought about what it'd be like t-to wake up right next t-to you and not be alone anymore. I-I think about it a lot."

"Oh." That hadn't been what you expected. However, was it really so strange? He had intended to propose months ago, but ever since the moment had been spoiled he hadn't attempted to try again; if it had gone well, you two might've been married by now. Though, who was to say he didn't dream of it? Of what he'd always wanted, of a family or of the life in which he needed? Perhaps gentle encouragement wouldn't hurt.

"You know," you responded with a serious, but gentle candor. "you're not the only one who thinks about us living together. I'm very happy here and I love what we do together. And although we've had times where we respected one another's space, I don't mind if that changes. However, there are things that aren't so simple. For example, if I would've known that I could borrow your clothes whenever I liked I would've done so more often. Though, only if you hadn't been concerned about me getting accidentally poisoned by chemicals or radiation. Remember that time you literally fought with the laundry?"

"I do remember," he answered wistfully. "it's what prompted me t-to teach you how to use the freeze ray and laser gun correctly."

"I think the longer we're together, the more our lives will intertwine. Meaning, the more we move forward, the more training I'm going to need to fit into this lifestyle of ours. I think I'm going to need a portable scanner that'll allow me to check your clothes before I think of putting them on."

With serious, but tender eyes, he studied you. Then, he picked up his sweater which sat between you two and wondered. "Y-you want to wear my clothes? A great deal of them have seen better days. Are y-you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," you brightened. "because I love the way your clothes smell. If you were away, it'd make me think of you and it...I don't know, makes us seem more domestic. Is that along the lines of what you were thinking?"

"Y-yeah."

"Cool. Glad to know we're on the same page."

Relieved, he pressed a kiss to your temple and seemed ready for that cup of coffee. And as you stood, ready to head to the kitchen to prepare it for him, you mentioned. "And by the way, I gotta tell you something important."

"Gee, what is that?"

Striking a pose, you made him chuckle; that was a good sign. "That it's totally cool to be into me and check me out. I don't mind, and it makes me happy that I know what it takes to catch your eye. However, there's an exception: when we're driving around in space, where anything could kill us, we gotta keep our eyes on the space around us unless on autopilot. Only then," you winked. "might it be okay to be a little distracted."

Fin

[rixxy8173571m3w1p3]

Phoning Home

The idea for this fic came to me after I called an old friend of mine on the phone. Let's just say I felt a little vulnerable and got emotional, but they're a good friend, so I didn't mind. For my other fics check out my Masterpost.

In this fic the reader and Rick get a bit honest over the phone

__________________________

The funny thing about cell phone reception was that if you stepped into certain parts of your house, you'd lose a bar or two. Though, for whatever reason, it seemed Zeta-7 always had perfect, steady reception; which you thought could've been attributed to the 4 slot chip holder behind his phone battery. Well, with that kind of reliability, you never had trouble understanding him on the other end of a call unless there was background noises like laughing or something blowing up; usually the latter. So, for the most part, it was like having him right there, but not really, and you stressed that when you heard it in his voice; you stressed how important he was to you and how much you missed him. "It's so nice to hear your voice. I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."

"I-I know." he agreed, light exhaustion coloring his voice. "It's been a-a-a busy couple of weeks hasn't it?"

"You're telling me." you sighed as you glanced at the photo the two of you had taken a few months ago; taken on the night he had assumed you two were about to break up, and you had tried to be mature; all of which you did just to impress him; how silly it was of you, but how lovely an evening it had been. "It seems as though this is all we can do anymore; just talk on the phone and hope that the other person isn't lonely."

"Are you lonely?" he inquired; his voice taking on that particular soft, sweetness which would have almost been alluring if other words had been used instead.

"I want to say I'm not," you started because you wanted to be better than that; to prove that you could be more mature than your years, "but usually I can't. I guess I am." 

"I'm s-sorry mi corazón."

"I mean," you tried to reason, "I try to tell myself that it's only temporary and that the work you're doing is much more important than my own feelings, but I feel as though we're on two different worlds, on different planes, and are destined to be apart. I know how silly that sounds, but it's how I feel sometimes. Goodness is it…am I wrong to feel this way?"

"No, you're not. Boy," he confessed, guilt laced in his words. "I - I feel as though I've neglected you."

"No, that's not true at all. You've taken very good care of me."

"Have I? I allowed you to get lonely, and I don't know how I-I-I can forgive myself? Y-you're everything to me."

"As you are to me." you softened; tears biting the back of your eyes. "You're so important to me, that it's like I'm missing a part of myself when you're not here."

"Gosh," Zeta-7 sniffled, pausing for a moment to collect himself before he continued. "y-y-y-y-you don't know how hard it's - how I-I really want to be there with you. All I see all day are lab specimens and m-my own face…that is the faces other Ricks. How I've lasted this long is beyond me, but I believe it's - it's because I think about you."

You sat up on your couch, ready to listen. "What do you mean?"

You heard as he set down something heavy; maybe a book or a beaker full of some concoction. "Do you remember when I said that I sometimes wish I could carry you in my pocket, and have you look after me all the time? Well, I um - I like to imagine that I really do. Th-that you're so small and precious that I can't let you out of my sight or else…"

"Or else what?" you wondered, being both intrigued and warmed by his thoughts.

"Or else someone better suited might take you away from me."

You couldn't have thought of anyone better suited than him. Over all these years, there had been a few guys including an old friend from high school, but they had never been enough. You had other interests in mind, but when Rick came along, it's as though something inside you woke up. In the beginning, Zeta-7 was so shy and easily hurt, and even now he thought you could've had anyone when all you ever wanted was him. "What would you do if someone tried to take me away? Whether in your imagination or in real life, what would you do?" 

"I wouldn't let them, unless - unless you wanted to go, but I wouldn't want you to go, not after how long I've waited f-for you. I know I'm being selfish, and I-I should stop rambling but you make me so happy; the happiest I've ever been. How can I not think of you?"

His earnest, sincere nature wasn't lost on you. You had to pause, and take a moment to find your words, let alone a steady train of thought. He truly was lovely; what a shame that he thought so lowly of himself. "I mean, there are a plethora of things to think about."

"Gosh, it's neat to think about experiments and all, but I'd rather - it's mighty swell to think about you."

You placed a hand over your heart, realizing that you didn't feel so bad anymore. In fact, amidst the conversation you found that you had done something similar to cheer yourself up; imagine that he would be somewhere about the house; cooking, cleaning, tinkering, or napping on your couch; ready to greet you with smiles and kind words whenever you were in the room. "I see. I think...no," you blushed, "I do understand what you mean. I think about you all the time too. I'm sorry for worrying you. I should probably let you go now."

"Wait, b-before you go, there's something I wanted to tell you."

"Alright."

"I read something not that long ago and I thought it was fitting. It goes like this: 'Si nadie sabe ni p-por qué reímos,'" he softened, "'ni por qué lloramos; si nadie sabe ni por qué v-vivimos, ni por qué nos vamos; si en un mar de tinieblas nos movemos, si t-todo es noche en derredor y arcano, a lo menos, amemos; quizá no sea en vano.'"

"Rick, that sounded lovely, but while I've been trying to learn a little Spanish, I don't understand. What does that mean?"

You heard a familiar sound, and behind you, a portal opened, and he stepped through; from head to toe, he was covered in a hazmat suit. With a lighthearted chuckle, he cleared his throat and you swore you could hear his blush, through his mask. "It - it means in more or less words that despite whatever happens or might happen, th-that I love you."

Those words which he always meant, but rarely said struck you with such a force that you couldn't help but be relieved and the burble of laughter which escaped your throat was not contained. And as much as you wanted to hold him, you knew that if he was wearing all this gear, it was for a good reason. "Oh Ricky, I would kiss you if I could."

"I-I'm not supposed t-to have left and might get in trouble," he confessed, "but I had t-t-to come here in person to tell you that. How else could I prove my worth as y-your boyfriend? As a man?"

Standing as close as you could, you smiled up at him; unaware of his own struggle in wanting to hold you, but not being in a condition to do so. "You prove it to me all the time as you had just now. Why I couldn't ask for anyone better. Thank you, dear, really thank you for being with me."

He stretched out his arm, nearly touching your cheek with his gloved hand, but stopped and allowed it to drop to his side. "I'm - I'm sorry, but I hav-"

"To go? It's okay, I understand."

Rubbing his arm, he informed you, "I'll be back soon."

As always, like a ghost, he would go away; not knowing when he should return, but knew that he was never far whether you wished it or not. "Alright."

He turned around, unhappy that he'd have to leave you alone again, but before stepping through the portal, he mentioned. "After this assignment is done, I'll take an extended vacation, and w-we'll go wherever you want."

There were a great many places which you thought of and wished to go, but if anything else, one thing proved true. "As long as you're with me," you confessed, with a hand pressed over your heart. "then I'll be happy because when I'm with you, it's like coming home."

"Me too. More than you'll ever know."

Fin