#a show w/o some asshole telling them future events

[pigeonriot]

for the love of god can people STOP SHARING LEAKS

[mazojo]

Favorite Sohma’s

Hi yes, uh, I needed a space to rant about fruits basket because I am still very broken so yea

Disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I still love them all very much, just needed to get this out of my system ayee. Also I will include a song that reminds me of them because I am that invested in this so yeaaaa

14- Kagura Sohma

Boy by Little Mix - “I know what you’re worth girl, you know what you got”

I rank Kagura as my least favorite just for the fact that I cant really relate to her I guess? I mean, she is okay, I think she is cute and all but I don't think violence is the way to go about her struggles and she is so much more worth than she gives herself credits for. In the end, I dont think I full understood her big struggle as much as the other characters and thats why she is at number 14, although I want her to be happy and full of love and support like the others ;w;

13- Akito Sohma

My Eyes by Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day - “But it’s plain to see, Evil inside of me is on the rise”

Akito is a complicated one for me man. Of course, in the beginning and throughout the manga you learn to really dislike her because she did some terrible things, specially to my baby boi Yuki and eye-.... But then when we learn more about her and everything she has gone through we start sympathizing with her but i..... cant just forget everything she did. I get she was traumatized since she was little, she became dependent on the zodiacs because of her father’s words and mother’s behaviour thus becoming a broken person with this big responsibility she didn't ask for. It really ticks me however, how much pain the others underwent through her, and even though its a healing process, the traumas and everything they suffered is still there which is why I cant place her higher. I do not hate her by any means, but she isnt my favorite person on this list either. I do ship her with Shigure and I think they help each other out, and they grow from the other.

12- Shigure Sohma

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs - “Now would you pray before you twist the knife? Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?”

*big sigh* Shigure is also a complicated one for me. It may be my big dumb energies showing but I didnt fully get a grasp on his character? I know he was doing everything for Akito’s sake to liberate from the curse and be with her so she is finally a “woman” but he always acted a bit shady xD?? I would have love to know more about his backstory, we dont get much from his motivations and character other than the perverted aspect and that he loves Akito lmaoo. I do think he is hilarious and I love the dynamic he has with Hatori and Ayame lol

11- Ayame Sohma

Starships by Nicky Minaj - “Starships were menat to fly, Hands up and touch the sky “

To be honest I am pretty neutral about Ayame’s character. He is hilarious and I love how Yuki insults him every tike he gets the chance lolll. I like how throughout the story he tries to change to become a better brother to Yuki and person even though he is pretty extra most of the time about it. He has a good heart and even though he made some mistakes he owns up to them which in my opinion, makes him a good character <33 I love his friendship with Hatori lmaooo they balance each other out sooo well

10- Kureno Sohma

Taking Chances by Celine Dion - “Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay”

I really like Kureno! He has gone through quite a bit and he needs a hug. I am sad thinking how most of his life he lead it pretty similarly to Yuki’s, apart from everyone and super enclosed to his relationship with Akito due to him breaking the curse and feeling bad about it. I do wish we would have gotten to know more about his personality and story, if we did I would have definitely ranked him higher! He really reminds me of Tohru’s father and I think Uotani is perfect for him <33 would have love to see more about the two of them and hopefully they expand upon it in the anime

9- Ritsu Sohma

Waving Through a Window by Ben Platt - “On the outside, always looking in, Will I ever be more than I've always been?”

Okay okay so I have a lot of thoughts on Ritsu. Manga Ritsu is okay, I really dont have much of an opinion on him due to him appearing only in a few chapters, I feel like from the Sohma’s, he is the one we get the least information about. But then the anime episode came out where they presented Ritsu and I thought they gave him so much more life and rounded personality where, I get to relate a lot to him? I am someone who is constantly apologizing for absolutely no reason and seeing him be all anxious and stressed about others interactions is big relate to me and I stan. I also think the whole dressing as a woman plot line is better dealt with in the anime and I hope we get to see more about his insecurities and troubles in the future because he is truly a very interesting character! I stan my one (1) anxious monkey.

8- Kisa Sohma

Mean by Taylor Swift - “But you can take me down with just one single blow, But you don't know what you don't know”

Cinnammon rooooooolll. Kisa is such a cutie. I dont have much to say other than my mood every time I think about Kisa is hugging her like Tohru does because she is babyyyy. Also her bullying story is one I think many viewers and readers can relate a lot to and such an important topic I think they covered pretty well and I loveee. Also her and Hiro are one of my favorite ships because they work so well and asdfgh in this household Kisa is a queennn.

7- Isuzu Sohma

Take me Home by Jess Glynne - “Came to you with a broken faith, Gave me more than a hand to hold”

I really like Isuzu!! I am pretty bummed we wont get to meet her in season 1 of the Anime reboot but hopefully in the nest season! She is quite a complex character that I didnt really understand at the beginning but once we see how much she loves Haru and all that she does in order to protect and keep him save she really went up my list. She has gone through so much, from her shattered reality from her parents, Akito threatening Haru, her being locked up withour given any food.... Isuzu is so strong and one of the best build characters in the series and I am super excited to see her in the anime!

6- Hiro Sohma

Time to be a Man by The Airborne Toxic Event - “And it’s time to be a man, Tell me how does that go?”

My bastard childdd <33 He is such an asshole and such a sweetie at the same time. His whole inner struggle of not feeling like a good enough man for Kisa is so heartwhelming and I think it really makes sense to the type of person he is. The flashbacks of him telling Akito how he loves Kisa and the feeling of uncertainty and impotency when seeing the girl he loves being hurt by his actions and wanting to be good enough for her even though he is more than enough sdfghjasd. I am also a softie for older brothers who love their families *cough cough* spoiler alert: Momiji *cough cough* that I love me one angry boi

5- Hatsuharu Sohma

4 Seasons by Rex Orange County - “I saw myself as less and you so high above me”

Cow boil! apart from the fact that I love love loveeee Haru’s design, I think he is also such a well build character! He is not only supportive of everyone (aka the loves of his life, Rin and Yuki xDD) but he is so interesting! His split personalities give him a cool trait (even though dark Haru doesnt appear much in the end of the manga) and I love how he helps everyone and makes sure those he loves are protected at all cost and happy. He is Rin and Yuki’s fan club stan leader and I am co-leader so we been stanning aye

4- Hatori Sohma

Fireflies by Owl City - “I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell”

Boooooy the next four to come are my absolute favorties and I would die for their happiness and love so *takes big breathe* I LoVE hAtORi sOhMAAa. To be honest when we first meet him I didnt like him much. I thought he was your usual dark deep character who doesnt talk much because he is too cool for everyone (which, he is) and that was that. But boi was I in for a riDE. His story about having to erase the memories from the woman he loves is one of the ones I cried through the most. I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I had to erase the memory of the person I loved the most, make them forget they ever met me, all our happy times, sad times, angry times.... No matter what its one of the most saddening moments and the whole scene is heartbreaking, which makes me love Hatori even more for the fact of how strong he is and selfless. He puts himself before others and he need to know he also deserves happiness and I am glad in the end he got it because homeboy needed a break ;w;. I also adore Ayame’s relationship with him xDD, he is like his idol and big same.

3- Kyo Sohma 

This song saved my Life by Simple Plan - “Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, Trapped in a world where everyone hates me”

Top three babyyyy. We have now my angry cat boi™. I mentioned it before but going into the reboot firsthand without reading the manga nor watching the first anime, I thought Kyo was going to be my absolute favorite character. I knew he would be the angry boi who was soft inside and probably had a tragic backstory™ that made him act the way he did and I am a sucker for those types of characters. And I love Kyo, I really do, specially when we find out more about his struggles and past. The exclusion he felt throughout his life for being the cat, the abandonment, feeling like he had no one and was ready to die because he didn't have any source of genuine happiness (well, apart from Kazuma ya know but stillll). Then he finds Tohru, the girl he promised to protect, the one that reminded him of the woman that helped him out all those years ago and I just.... poetic cinema at its finest. Kyo and Tohru make one of my favorite couples and I love how flustered and In absolute l o v e he is with her and Kyo is great man....

2- Yuki Sohma

Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS - “Crying even when you're happy, Smiling even when you're feeling lonely”

THIS WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MA ENTIRE WEEB CAREER SO EXCUSE WHILE I SCREAM. Yuki Sohma won my heart and entire soul throughout the series. I liked him from the start but he wasn't my favorite favorite at the beginning you know? I thought he was isolated and thats why he didn't have much friends and he was perfect and what not but boi was I wrong and happy about it. I think one of the reasons Yuki is one of my favorite characters in fruits basket is how much I can see myself in him. Having the constant need of perfection while also wanting to connect with others but finding it hard is something I personally struggle with and every time we learned a little bit about his backstory my heart broke. Everything Yuki had to go through, the rejection, the isolation, understanding that you are loved and not a burden, falling in love with someone, finding that figure of a mother/friend he always yearned for.... The complexity of Yuki’s character is astounding and I love my rat boi so so much.... When he joins the student council, finding his little group of friends and opening up to a more carefree and true Yuki, forgiving those around him and going and eye- YuKI IS MY BABY RAT BOI AND STAN HIM OR PERISH FROM HERE ;w;

1- Momiji Sohma 

Eine Kleine by Rachie - “If I were to go through life living just to take somebody else's place, Then I would rather have been born as a pebble, living out my peaceful days “

*Clears throat* *trumpets sounds intensify* *stands on podium* I LOVE MOMIJI SOHMA WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Thats it. Thats what I want you to get out of this post. I don't know if this is maybe an unpopular opinion-ish but Momiji’s backstory of his mother rejecting him, saying awful things, him having to accept being forgotten by his mother and sister whom he loved, not even being able to live with his family, is one of the most heartbreaking ones of fruits basket. Maybe its like what I said with Hiro and I am a sucker for big brothers that love their families, the sad smile of Momiji, my baby, angel, perfection when he sees his family and not being able to be with them, him loving Tohru but letting her go and be with Kyo because its her happiness that matters to him and I am-..... The selflessness of Momiji and how much of a sweetheart he is, his heart of gold and always being there for those around him, that moment where Akito was looking for Tohru and he got hurt trying to defend her.... Momiji is one of my all time favorite characters. He is a precious bean and I will never not shut up about my love for ma boi <333

Anyways that was long and ramble but I just needed to shout this somewhere because I've been missing they //rip

[allforthecourtt]

rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

[storytaeme]

kitten & bunny – day 11

spoopy kinktober drabbles – NC17

➵ Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Kim Seokjin x Jeon Jeongguk

➵ Prompt: Hybrids  ↪ content: threesome, fingering, blowjobs, facial

➵ Word Count: 3,638 words

Owning a hybrid was never part of Seokjin’s agenda, let alone two. Two very loud, rumbuctious hybrids who couldn’t settle for even two minutes to listen to Seokjin’s scolding. Taehyung’s orange kitty ears twitched while Jeongguk’s fluffy white ones drooped with his owner’s words. After living alone for too many years, Namjoon had cleverly suggested that Seokjin adopt a hybrid.

So adopt a hybrid he did.

He had gone to the adoption center to meet all the possible candidates for his future household companion. Taehyung had approached him rather cautiously at first, eyes curiously wide as he tiptoed closer towards Seokjin with Jeongguk in tow. The caretaker of the center had given Seokjin a rather disapproving look when Seokjin regarded him with interest.

“They’re rather… grown,” the woman had advised rather bitterly, “and yet still so immature. They are lovely and active though if you’re looking for the sort.”

Seokjin couldn’t bear to handle to hear the judgment in her voice, immediately putting his foot down and demanding the papers. He still wasn’t sure if he regretted his impulse decision then. “Taehyung,” he sighed, exhausted. Work had been long and all he wanted to do when he got home was to sit back and relax in a bubble bath. Instead, he was greeted with a broken flower vase and ripped slippers. “I told you so many times not to bite these.”

“Sorry, hyung,” the feline grinned, far from apologetic about his mistake.

The elder had no energy for this, letting the ruined pair drop into the trash, before wandering down the hallway and into his bedroom. Of course, Seokjin’s glumness didn’t go by unnoticed by the two hybrids who looked at each other in confusion.

Jeongguk was the first to crack and smack Taehyung. “This is your fault, why do you keep ruining his stuff?”

“I can’t help it, my old toy is broken,” Taehyung pouted, “hyung hasn’t gotten around to buying me a new one.”

"Well, you can't just bite his things. Go apologize," Jeongguk grumbled, pushing the boy forward and muttering something about hating it when Seokjinnie-hyung was pissed. The two tottered along the hall, following after Seokjin.

Taehyung softly knocked on the door. "Hyung?"

"Do you need food? Give me a few minutes, Tae, just need to rest." Even in his voice, Taehyung could tell that Seokjin was exhausted. He knew how hard his owner worked to keep their bellies full and their bodies warm, and he did feel guilty about the slippers.

The elder of the two pried open the door and popped his head inside, an evidently remorseful expression on his face. Seokjin propped up on his bed, sighing when the two tiptoed shyly inside and kneeled submissively by his bedside. The elder smiled weakly at them and Taehyung was quick to jump on the head rubs, loving it when Seokjin petted his hair. "'M sorry about shoes, hyung," he mumbled.

"It's alright, Tae, I've been meaning to get new ones anyway." Seokjin smiled softly and stroked the kitten's ears. The hybrid seemed to curl, the gentleness of Seokjin's touch comforting him in a way no one else could. He crawled up onto the bed and cuddled into the elder's body, letting himself sink into the mattress. "You're such a needy kitty," he chuckled.

Jeongguk, who had been the good one of the two, sulked with the lack of attention, huffing by his bedside. He reached out his arms to Seokjin like a child, poking at his stomach. "Me too, hyung, want cuddles."

Seokjin's lips twitched. He really did have his hands full with these two, but he loved them nonetheless. "Okay, come here, baby."

The youngest of them seemed to delight in the nickname as he bounced onto the bed and nestled close to Seokjin. The elder reached up both his hands to stroke his companions' heads and ears, watching as they curled even deeper into him with little, desperate whines in seek of more attention. Seokjin smoothed his hands down the boys' backs, touching their tails this time because he knew that they enjoyed being caressed there too. Perhaps he had been too distracted by the soft textures to fully comprehend his actions, but by the time he realized, the boys were panting lightly, their hips moving to hump against his legs.

He yelped and quickly pulled away, a blush on his face. "S-sorry, didn't mean to—"

"Hyung," Taehyung whined, "you have to take responsibility now." He was about to climb atop the elder, but Jeongguk beat him to it, already straddling Seokjin's skinner thighs and face leaning down to kiss him.

Jeongguk, like the bunny that he was, liked soft things. He liked soft kisses, soft touches. He especially liked Seokjin's soft lips. Seokjin was quick to reciprocate the boy's movements as he pressed down on his owner, his mouth moving in sync with Seokjin's. His desire was evident by the bulge that was quickly expanding in his pants, making it all too obvious what he wanted.

"P-please," Jeongguk whined, cheeks tainted red as his lips parted in desperate gasps. "I want you in me, hyung, want you to take me."

Goddamn. Seokjin loved how Jeongguk always held onto that contradiction and fine line between innocence and filth. With his ivory ears and cute short tail, he held onto that projected image of purity, but the monstrous member hidden underneath his pants seemed to say otherwise about his character. The youngest was already scrambling to loosen up Seokjin's pants.

As he was busying himself with the task, Taehyung took this opportunity to tilt Seokjin's face so he could kiss him. Taehyung was a little different, his tongue a little wilder, his kisses a lot sloppier. Not that Seokjin was complaining because the boy was doing wonders, sliding his tongue in between Seokjin's full lips, stroking the insides and twisting against Seokjin's own muscle.

"Fuck, hyung," Taehyung groaned, "you're so pretty. W-wanna fuck you so badly, wanna shove my thick cock in your ass."

Seokjin released an involuntary whimper at the thought, his asshole clenching around thin air to seek some form of friction. "O-okay, Tae, we can do that."

By then, Jeongguk had successfully tugged down his owner's pants, leaving him in crinkled work shirt, loosened tie, and a pair of white briefs. The front of it was already stained dark with what Jeongguk assumed was precum. The sight only stirred Jeongguk's length as he moaned and crawled downwards. He sniffed the bump through the fabric at first, releasing a small whimper at the scent of lust emanating from the cotton. Jeongguk tentatively closed his lips around the bulge, sucking it in and tracing the outline of it with his tongue. His gaze slid upwards to see Seokjin watching him with hooded eyes and parted lips, clearly relishing in the show Jeongguk was providing. He focused on Seokjin again, mouth and tongue moving in response to all of his twitches and little moans.

Taehyung captured Seokjin's lips again as his deft fingers swiftly unbuttoned the elder boy's shirt and tugged off the silk around his neck. He pulled the shirt open, revealing Seokjin's soft chest, devoid of any marks or stains. Pure. Taehyung absolutely loved that. He ghosted his lips along Seokjin's jaw and down his neck, pausing to bite and nibble on the sensitive skin there. Seokjin liked to say that he hated being mark, mainly because his work required him to be professional, but it was difficult to say no when Taehyung's tongue stuck against his skin and traveled south to his nipples.

"You're so pretty, hyung," Taehyung murmured, one arm sliding underneath Seokjin and around him to reach his nipple. "Look at your pretty tits, all pink and perky. You're so cute." His hot breath skimmed over his bud for a brief second before his lips closed in around it. His mouth suckled and his tongue swirled around the stiff bud, drawing it in hungrily. He licked and licked until Seokjin couldn't feel his nipple, and then moved on to the other one, giving it an equal amount of attention.

Seokjin couldn't breathe. Every part of him was on fire, burning a flame inside of him and scorching his skin like the sun would. With Taehyung focusing his ministrations on his tender nipples and Jeongguk still mouthing hungrily at his cock through his boxers, Seokjin felt overwhelmed by the amount of stimulation he was receiving.

It got even worse when Jeongguk marveled at the hardness and length of his cock when the boy pulled it out. Jeongguk whimpered, looking up at Seokjin, "You've got such a nice cock, hyung."

"Yeah?" he panted, swallowing the lump in his throat as Taehyung continued to work on his nipples, his chest feeling raw. "Like my cock, baby bun?" Jeongguk seemed to preen with his words, his toes curling and his eyes lighting up like fireworks. He loved the nickname, loved it when Seokjin called him pet names and made him feel small. "Why don't you give it a taste, baby? Be a good bunny and take hyung's cock."

Jeongguk nodded obediently and hesitantly gave it a lick, an action that had Seokjin lifting his hips for more. The bunny looked too cute doing it, too innocent for Seokjin to resist. But he let out an aggravated grunt and pinned his hips down again. "Like this?" he asked sweetly, knowing full well that his act was worsening Seokjin's libido. He gave yet another small lick, tongue sticking out ever so slightly.

"Y-yes, bunny, just like that, but more," Seokjin urged, "put it in your mouth, baby."

The youngest grinned, his big teeth in full view, rendering Seokjin completely immobile with how adorable he was. "Okay," he nodded cheerfully and finally began to slurp at the tip, licking up the drop of precome that had escaped. He let out a small giggle, "You taste good, hyung, want more of your milk."

Milk. Christ, Seokjin was going to combust if the boy didn't let him live.

Taehyung wasn't quite happy with the turn of events. Seokjin was giving Jeongguk too much of his attention, leaving Taehyung with nothing. So he pouted and instead pulled Seokjin up to settle between his thighs. He yanked off the shirt and tossed it aside, leaving Seokjin completely naked. "T-Tae, what are you doing?" Seokjin asked. The movement had Jeongguk releasing his length with a pop and a following pout.

"I want to rub my cock in your ass, hyung," Taehyung grinned, his teeth baring a little too dangerously as he slid his mouth along Seokjin's neck. His hand pushed down his own pants aside so he could pull his length free. He positioned Seokjin to kneel so Jeongguk could get his cock fix while Taehyung could run the head of his dick along the crack of Seokjin's ass. The skin was so clean and unblemished, adorably pert and creamy enough to have Taehyung's mouth watering.

Seokjin released small gasps as Taehyung's arm circled him and his fingers began toying with his nipple again. His other hand rubbed up his cock between the plump cheeks of his butt. Taehyung spread his ass open and groaned every time he rubbed the slit of his cock along the elder's rim. The hole would pucker even tighter with every touch, a mechanism that indicated Seokjin begging for more.

Jeongguk was eagerly taking in Seokjin's dick into his mouth, licking along the length and fingers fondling his balls. He took him so deep, gag reflex practically nonexistent as he buried his nose into the curls at the base of Seokjin's cock.

"H-hyung," he whimpered wantonly, staring up at the elder with a desperate look. His pupils were dilated as he turned around and pressed his face into the sheets. The elder stared at the boy in awe, his ass up in the air as his fingers danced along the curve of his perfect bubble butt. "Watch me okay," he pleaded as he slipped two fingers into his ass. Seokjin moaned at the magnificent sight. When Jeongguk pulled his fingers out, Seokjin could see that they were slick and glistening. He whined and stuck them back in, fingers buried to his knuckles as he continued to fuck his ass back to meet his hand. "S-so wet for you," he garbled, voice muffled by the bed, "want you to fuck my ass, hyung. Want you to fill me up with all of your come."

"Oh, Jeonggukie," Seokjin breathed. Taehyung released him long enough, his cock dripping wet onto the pale sheets, for Seokjin to shift forward and run his hand along the bunny's ass. "You've got the prettiest hole, you know?" Seokjin smiled softly, pushing his fingers in and observing the way the rim closed in around his digits. His fingers, like Jeongguk's, came out soaked. He bit back a moaned as the stretched the boy open while gesturing for Taehyung to get a condom from his drawer.

He continued to finger the bunny who whimpered, tail shaking with pleasure and his ears pinned down against his ears. He looked so cute Seokjin wished he could take a picture of this. When the boy was opened up enough, Seokjin expertly rolled on the elastic and positioned himself behind the boy. Slowly, gently, he slid in until Jeongguk was whimpering and shaking, ass tightening around the thickness filling him up.

"Feels so good, so full," the hybrid mumbled incoherently. Seokjin began slow, agonizingly slow that Jeongguk's toes curled in desperation. "M-more, hyung, want your cock to fuck me open. Please."

"Okay, baby bun," he cooed before moving his hips faster. He jerked his hips forward, propelling the younger deeper into the sheets with his every thrust. Jeongguk felt so tight and snug, warm enveloping his cock nicely every time he slid into the bunny. Jeongguk let out little squeaks of pleasure and pain every time Seokjin's cock hit a sensitive part inside of him.

Seokjin could feel Jeongguk shaking with excitement, feel his blood warm beneath the surface of his skin. He reached up and began to rub his white, bushy tail, earning a yelp from the bunny. Both hybrids were sensitive there, loved being touched there before anything else. He rubbed it again and again, until Jeongguk was writhing underneath him.

"Such a good baby," he crooned sweetly, "you look so good like this, Jeonggukie, my sweet bunny. You like having my cock inside you, hm?" Jeongguk could only manage a nod, breath hiccuping in his throat. "Such a pretty baby, you should always be stuffed with cock, bunny."

"I love your cock, only your cock," he whimpered. That was probably a lie considering how many times Taehyung and Jeongguk messed around whenever he was out of town. They would call him into their 'playdates' and made him watch as they fucked each other stupid while Seokjin was left to entertain himself with a bottle of lube and his right hand.

Seokjin almost forgot about Taehyung until he could feel the rage radiating from behind him. Taehyung was quick to dart close, his movements as elegant as the feline he was a part of. "I'm not done with you yet, hyung," he hummed and he was true to his word when Seokjin could feel a sudden chill in his opening. Taehyung nudged the hole open, pushing past the tight ring until he could bury his fingers inside his owner. Seokjin let out a moan, his hips stuttering as he nearly slipped. "Keep pounding Jeonggukie, hyung, I'll make you feel good."

The kitten didn't need to do much. He stepped back a little to allow Seokjin room to pound into the bunny who was then crying out for attention, for more friction. However, every time he pulled back, Taehyung's fingers slid back in and filled up his tunnel. They never quiet left and Seokjin was left to squirm uncomfortably, alternating between getting his ass spread open and spreading Jeongguk's open. The double stimulation did feel so good and he couldn't help himself from moaning and picking up the pace of his thrusts to satisfy both of his erogenous zones.

Taehyung was incredibly smart, Seokjin had to give him that. Not that he had any doubt in the first place considering the cat knew exactly how to drive him to the edge, crying. The motion was repeated over and over until Taehyung could fit four fingers inside of the elder, ensuring that he was prepped and ready.

"Such a pretty open hole, hyungie, it was made to take big cocks like mine," he grinned, nipping the man's earlobe playfully. Taehyung hovered at Seokjin's entrance before slowly easing the thick head of his dick in, inch by inch. Taehyung was big, could easily fill Seokjin up without even being fully hard. "Gonna fuck you so good, fill you up with my come and get you pregnant."

Seokjin swallowed the lump in his throat, freezing for a second at Taehyung's words. Seeing as he was human, it was impossible of course, but the thought still had his mouth drying as Taehyung took his tense body as a good response.

"Make you so full, hyung," Taehyung moaned, his velvety voice vibrating through Seokjin's veins. "Wanna breed you so bad, fuck you until you have all my milk inside you."

"Y-yes," Seokjin muttered, chest heaving at the thought. God, he wanted it so badly. He wanted Taehyung to coat him with his come, wanted him to fuck his petite hole open until he couldn't walk the next day. Work be damned. "Fuck me, Tae, please fuck me."

"Good boy," Taehyung purred before he pushed himself all the way into the elder. He had to slide in and out a few times until Seokjin adjusted, until he could feel his stomach pressing up against the man's ass. He could hear Seokjin choke when he hit that deep spot inside of him. Considering how long Taehyung's cock was, it was a miracle he could even squeeze it past the rim. "Now, be a good boy and fuck Jeongguk for me okay and I promise I'll fuck you just as well."

Seokjin nodded, sweat beading his temple as he started a slower pace again to fuck into Jeongguk. He had to ensure that Taehyung wasn't going to fuck a hole into his ass while also guaranteeing that Jeongguk wasn't going to suffer from any hip jerks or dick aneurysms on his side. They began slow, which didn't bode well with Jeongguk who "want to be fucked raw and hard, fuck me open, hyung." Taehyung slid into him from behind, hands holding onto Seokjin's hips, as the eldest man pushed into the bunny to match Taehyung's movements.

It took them a little while, but once they got the hang of a suitable tempo, Taehyung began to move faster, wanting more friction with every grunt and moan, every “fuck, hyung, your ass is so nice and tight, I could screw it all night.” Seokjin shivered a little with Taehyung's words that proved to fuel his drive as he pounded into the bunny before him. The bunny was whimpering, his fingers twisting into the sheets as he moaned each time Seokjin slid all the way in and hit his sensitive spots. Taehyung was a master at hitting the prostate, angling his hips just right so he could hammer into Seokjin with great efficiency each time.

After a few minutes of fucking back and forth, taking the dick and and giving the dick, Seokjin could feel the tension building inside his stomach, crawling up his chest and squeezing his lungs as he started to feel the orgasm coming. Taehyung was moving faster and faster, filthy words leaving his lips to urge Seokjin to come, to have his babies and take his milk.

Jeongguk was the first to cave, white spilling onto the bed with his cock untouched. His hole felt so raw and sensitive but Seokjin wasn't done, kept moving into the boy until he could feel that ugly, delicious feeling curling inside of him. But he didn't want to come… not yet. Not until Taehyung did.

The two of them seem intent on being the last to reach that peak, slowing down and dragging it on for as long as possible. Taehyung fucked Seokjin harder and deeper while Seokjin clenched his ass around Taehyung tighter. But Seokjin knew he had won this round when he could feel Taehyung faltering behind him, hear his hitched moans and broken gasps. Soon enough, he felt warmth filling his insides, layering every inch of his hole. There was so much milk that it began slipping out of his hole and onto the bed. Seokjin stroked his own cock then, panting as he thrust into his hand to reach that climax so he so desperately craved.

Jeongguk crawled in front of him again, waiting anxiously as he took Seokjin's cock and stroked it himself. There were stars of wonder in his eyes as he watched the throbbing red of Seokjin's cock, the head pulsing with need, before it shot out strings of white across the bunny's pretty face. Jeongguk looked surprised at first, lips forming an 'o' before he opened his mouth wider, sticking his tongue out to get as much of it as possible. Seokjin groaned at how beautiful he looked as come continued to pour out of his cock.

"Mmm, you taste good," Jeongguk giggled cutely.

Seokjin smiled, patting his head and rubbing his ears again. "You did well, Jeongguk-ah."

"Me! How about me, hyung?" Taehyung insisted, coming around him to hook his chin on Seokjin's shoulder.

"You too, kitten," Seokjin chuckled, offering as much affection to Taehyung as well. Taehyung nuzzled his nose into the elder's neck shyly.

Seokjin really couldn't have been luckier.

[horrible-monstrosity]

Punchy-liney episode seven: Clever writing is doing the same thing over and over again and explaining every little bit of it every single time.

Seriously, this is dumb.

So the entire point of the fucking time loop plot is you're supposed to be trying to fight fate, change the future, fight against inevitability, right?? So of course the fucking first thing you need to have is a furry little plot device showing up and telling you you can't change anything except what's arbitrarily allowed, which is... so far nothing, becaue the plot says so and the writers are too god-awful to actually write a scenario where the scenario itself has something working against the main character to make achieving their goal difficult, so we have to have a "because I said so" roadblock shoved in there. FUCK.

So it's just a bunch of Yuuta hanging around going "oy boy wow i sure do remember then this happeninged" and fucking doing nothing of value. Except, you know, doing the same shit we've already seen OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Yoota gets all fucking upset over writing the stupid fucking pun in the stupid book because it means so muuuuuuuuch- no, it fucking doesn't, you only saw it briefly once just about an hour ago from your point of view and it's some dumb shit anyway. Just draw a bunch of dicks in it.

So this random apartment of grils and their fucking friendships is the most iipootaat thing in the universe? Why? Boy it sure would have been nice if these assholes had been, like, developed into interesting likeable characters during the first half of the show or something, right?? How the fuck's this supposed to stop the fucking meteor

So is the only reason the previous Yuutas have failed because they didn't follow the cat's orders well enough? Not because of any actual challenges but because following instructions is just too damn hard? What the *fuck*?

Yuuta tries to keep his ghost self from blowing up, goes into Ito's room... she immediately goes full retard, not even just over the panty shot but trying to take the door of its fucking hinges just because it wouldn't immediately open. What the fuck? Why are we supposed to like this psycho again? And then he gropes Juicey's juicy tiddies and that doesn't activate his power even though a fucking picture of lil babby pumpkin panties did because why Speaking of plot devices that make no damn sense, how does ghost-Yuuta's quantum ghost time-travel work when someone can see him? Or are we just going to ignore that plot hole because now-Yuuta saved ghost-Yuuta from blowing his top all of once? And why did he even bother to try and save ghost-him? He knows there's no point... unless the way the quantum bullshit works means he'd actually get the meteoric bad end his ghost self could just go back from, BUT IF THAT WAS THE CASE THEN HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON THE ROOF AT THE END OF EPISODE SIX... GUIGSUUESIUUUEUEEUUURRRRRRRRRFGGHFGGFFGFh

And then suddenly becoming Ubermensch Aryan why the fuck did they call it that anyway just fucking inexplicably changes the way your soul is attached to your body in some overly complicated way that's just explained to the audience in way too much dialogue, because the plot of this show was written without any mind to actual coherency and we have to explain how the one thing happened one way one time and another way the other time so we have to add in ad-hoc """explanations""" later on and pretend it's all really genius. Better yet with the body swap reveal coming up at some point they could have just handwaved this somehow for now and had it later turn out that event left Yuuta's soul (as well as Juice-tan and the other one) less well-attached to the body it's currently in than a normal person's. YOU KNOW, SOME MOTHER FUCKING FORESHADOWING.

Oh, actually just kidding. I paused the episode to write that and something dumb happened immediately after I hit play

"Don't you remember, that one time you switched bodies with a bunch of your closest friends you never saw again after that?" You'd think someone, anyone, would have fucking mentioned this before, or fucking alluded to it, or the mere fact of its factuality would have exerted some influence on the events that followed from it... but no, not really. Just, fucking... casually remember that one time something fucking extraordinary happened that has a huge impact on the plot that we haven't even mentioned up until now. Ha ha.

NO, DON'T FUCKING EXPLAIN THE FUCKING SIMPLE OBVIOUS THING THE MAIN CHARACTER JUST DEMONSTRATED HE FUCKING REMEMBERS ANYWAY LIKE IT'S ANYTHING FUCKING INTERESTING AT ALL WHILE MAKING IT SOUND ACTUALLY COMLPICATED. You know what fucking happened here? All that fucking happened is the writers made a fucking Excel spreadsheet, right, they filled in three fucking rows of the sheet with the kids' names, and then they fucking... rotated... the list... once........... HOW CAN THIS BE SO FUCKING BAD???? This isn't the slightest bit complicated aside from the overwrought bullshit surrounding and enabling it while obfuscating the gaping plot holes that exist in what the writers want to do... because, I don't know, they're too fucking hackish to rework their simplistic fucking immediate ideas to work with a coherent underpinning. The fucking reveal was these three kids who we know little to nothing about and have NO FUCKING REASON TO CARE ABOUT got their souls shuffled around in a fucking obvious fashion (because there's only three of them and there's only two ways it could have possibly come out), and that's... it. That's... really fucking boring as your ultimate plot reveal. This is not worth all the fucking convoluted fucking shit that was required to justify it.

Like, here, let me just make this immediately better: Juice-tan is wimpy girl in pink-haired girl's body, the other one is pink-haired girl in the one guy's body- yeah, we leave those alone- but the trick is, Yuuta isn't Pine (what the fuck sort of name is pine anyway by the way) but some random blank-slate or even non-human soul that got succed into the wimpy girl's body when the crash happened. And the first thing that soul saw was the newly minted Juice-tan, who was traumatised and amnesiac due to what just happened and thus didn't recognise this used to be her body, leaning over (him/her/zip/zoom) and going all "are you okay??"... and thus the first character trait Yuuta develops is being in love with this girl. And Pine is the cat or something. NOW FUCKING LOOK AT THIS SHIT. You just fucking develop the three kids as close-knit frienbs (though that would help no matter what the plot was), then you have this tragedy where the group can never get back together again, one of them's gone and another's a psycho villain, but despite this the remaining member finds new love in an unexpected place or something.

And yeah, it really just was a random fucking car accident that caused this, except the car also got struck by lightning! Why'd they all go Uber at that time anyway? Was the car they were taking an Uber service?

8: oh boy more same thign oh wow yuuta didn't even go into the apartment to find pantsu he just went in there for no fucking reason and H-A-P-P-E-N-E-D to find them wow such good much writing w o w

is the villain's fucking "you wouldn't unerstaaaaand" plot just a muh next stage of human evolution plot? fuckin seriously? this is some fucking baby shit. this is babby's first villainous motive. this show doesn't fucking deserve to be compared to Higurashi with this shit

oh look more fucking tragic robot girl flashbacks and she repeats the thing about making gril a superhero and a superhero organisation with only one member that we've already fucking heard but now it's sad tn: "punch" means "five" in hindu

Turns out Yuuta casually broke a man's limbs offscreen, because even men with vaginas randomly turn into fucking psychopaths when le cutey gril is in danger. Also breaking a man's limbs your damn self is okay but just two people dying who you don't even fucking know and who nobody you know likes is just sooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaddd And then they try to play up the cat as sooo evil for saying "two lives are less important than seven billion!!" when... Yuuta just broke a man's limbs with his own damn hands... jesus christ

epitoad 9: "why did you keep this to yourself all this time, Pine?" "lol idek" Juice-tan and Yuuta have an """emotional""" reconnection where he tells her something he knew all this fucking time and could have said whenthefuckever he felt like it but just didn't feel like it I guess so now yuuta can just try really hard not to instantly cum when he sees a panties and it just somehow works now. as if we needed this to make any less sense. yuuta goes and talks to a random bunch of leading physics-cists and they actually give him the time of day for whatever reason. all to know nuke bombs don't work in space. just look that shit up online  dumbass

... It's amazing how much more pathetic some of these scenes are from the "proper" angle. Yuuta in his dumbass superhero costume just creeping on the roof IN PLAIN FUCKING SIGHT OF EVERYONE IF THEY'D JUST HAPPENED TO LOOK UP, and when the time comes he doesn't even jump into action or anything, he just stands up. It's so fucking WEAK. But it's clebverrrr because we did the thing where we watched him watch himself do the thign n now he do the thign we watched him watched himself do right ?????

More of our beloved hero being psychopathic and literally torturing a man by breaking his fingers and interrogating him... jesus fuck.

epipoo 10: how the fuck did yuuta survive and get back to the apartment

So it turn out, everything in this show could have been fixed by just tearing that little bit of tech off the satelight dish so the server hack isn't intercepted... just tell the current ghost-yuuta to tear the damn thing off the satelite dish the day beforehand next time for fuck's sake... but noooooo, saving the world is just so fucking hard wow

no one cares about these fucking kids and their dumb pseudo-romances. guriko or whichever the fuc the brunette was was a whiny little bitch. She gets into a screaming-crying match with the other girl over some toy, sits there and screams about it, then when Pine notices she hurt herself (or the other girl hurt her) in the fight and tries to help, she screams at him and demands the other girl come back and help her instead. Holy shit.

"originally it was supposed to be-" You see how fucking boring this shit is? We know exactly how the three of them swapped bodies, but you have to have Mr. Creepy McFuckNuts tell us this shit all over again like it's something that's just sooo hard to grasp when it's... so fucking simple... and it's not even in a way that gives his, her, its or zgeir'z unique perspective on it (like "I'm supposed to be in your body, but instead I'm..."), it's just... the fucking list.

chiyoo throws yuuta who she just found out was her long-lost friend pine into a fucking statue and has the gall to cry about "muh precious frienb!!" over ito... I feel like I'm watching that Diverisy and Comics video about Kim and Kim again. That's what this feels like. meanwhile gurio goes through the five stage of anime angst in like an instant. "I have so much power! But... I'm so lonely..... :'(" "the guriko i love!!!!!" she cries over someone all we've seen of them recently is them being a whiny little bitch and then yuuta goes fucking insane and destroys his room. and then has a bunch of le emotional flashbacks over characters we don't care about who have been demonstrated to be violent and uncaring toward him. lol. this is so fucking dumb

AND THEN WE'RE ALL REVED UP TO DO THE EXACT. SAME. FUCKING. THING. FUCKING AGAIN. Just.. what the fuck is Yuuta actually supposed to *do* about any of this? If he just broke the robot girl's computer or took the interceptor thing off the satelite dish everything would be fine, but he's not allowed to do that because... reasons.......????? So what the fuck is he supposed to do? What *sequence of events* is supposed to lead to the probem being over when he's not allowed to just... fucking... solve the probem??

Well whatever it is, I'm sure it's convoluted, retarded and utterly nonsensical. Everyone responsible for this shitshow needs to be fucking euthanized, for the good of humanity.