#a secret's worth

[earth-ambassador-jim]

My brain has assigned "The Draw" by Bastille to @rosemaidenvixen 's fic "A Secret's Worth", so here's a song art thing. Enjoy!

I am so pleased that Jim's four fingered hand being his right one lined up with the "In my right hand, there's the great unknown" line in the song.

Congrats on finishing your fic @rosemaidenvixen !

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret's Worth

Chapter 37: Barbara

Ao3

“Did you remember to pack extra socks and underwear?”

“Mo-om!” Jim’s face turned lobster red as he descended the stairs to the main floor.

Barbara chuckled as she picked up the cooler, holding Jim’s contribution to the potluck, from the dining room table “Sorry sorry I know I’m hovering,” she fell in step behind him once he reach the floor, the two of them heading out the front door “I just worry about you,”

And she was worried. 

It wasn’t like this came out of nowhere, she’d known for over a month this was coming. But the summer had flown by, June and the first chunk of July passing in a flurry of therapy appointments carpools and outings and texts with other parents. And now here they were, Bon Voyage only minutes away. 

The two of them headed down the porch, Barbara’s throat tightening when she saw the van idling by the curb. She was so so worried about Jim going through with this. But she knew that most of her worries were anchored in her own paranoia rather than reality. 

This was perfectly safe, they had a plan in place and Jim was a responsible young man who could take care of himself.

That didn’t make it any easier to let him go.

“I promise it’ll all go ok,” Jim hefted his bag higher over his shoulder “We’ve got a game plan, and I packed four pairs of underwear,”

He flashed her a reassuring smile, making her heart clench in a way that both stung and relieved “I know I know, now let’s not keep Mary’s moms waiting,”

The two of them approached the van. Darci’s grinning head poking out an open window “About time, we were considering leaving without you,”

“No don’t!” Toby’s voice rang out from inside the car “He needs to come with us so I can smoke him at horseshoes!”

Barbara left the kids to it and stepped towards the driver's window, nodding at the two women in the front seat “Julie, Amy, good to see you,”.

“Barbara, good to see you to,” Julie repiled with her own nod “You need a hand?”

“Nope I’ve got it,” Barabra stepped around to the back of the car, popping the trunk with her foot and sliding the cooler inside before shutting it again. Around the side of the car Jim had already placed his overnight bag inside and was about to step in himself.

A surge of emotion overcame her and before she knew what she was doing Barbara darted towards him and snagged Jim in a tight hug.

“Love you kiddo, have fun and stay safe,”

Jim was stiff for a few seconds before he softened into her embrace, returning her hug with one of his own “Love you to mom, I promise I’ll be fine,”

Her heart swelled, Jim nestled snug against her. In that moment Barbara wanted more than anything to hold Jim close and never let him go.

But she let him go, stepping back onto the sidewalk while Jim climbed inside the van. Flashing one final smile towards her before shutting the door. Less than a second later the van pulled away from the curb. Through the open window she could see Jim waving at her as they went.

Barbara tugged her lips up into what she hoped resembled a grin, giving a jerky wave back.

Then the van rounded the corner past a grove of trees, both it and Jim vanishing from sight.

Now it was just Barbara, standing all alone on the side of the road.

Jim was gone, heading the furthest he’d ever been from her reach, and he wouldn’t be coming back for two days.

Stomach going tight and eyes starting to water, Barbara forced herself to pick up her feet and move back towards the house.

This was perfectly safe, Jim was a teenager, a smart mature responsible teenager, he could look after himself.

He wouldn’t be alone, he’d have his friends, and responsible adult supervision.

This was fine. This was necessary. She and Jim needed to learn how to function separately from each other.

But god was it hard.

Jim was far away and if anything changed or something happened and he needed help she wouldn’t be there and she was so so worried.

Barbara stepped through the front door, shutting it behind her and leaning back against the wood. Closing her eyes and pulling in a deep breath.

And that was ok.

She was worried about Jim, and that was ok. It didn’t make her smothering or overbearing or paranoid. It was ok to worry about her son while he was away on an overnight trip. Now what was she going to do with that worry?

Realistically if something did happen she would get a call from Jim or one of his friends or another adult. She should keep her phone fully charged and on her person at all times in case of an emergency, and unless something did happen that was all she could do. But she shouldn’t just sit and stare at the phone all day waiting for it to ring, that would change nothing and help no one.

Fortunately she’d planned ahead on a distraction.

Pushing off the door and striding into the kitchen, Barbara grabbed the spiral notebook and pen off the counter and the totebags off the floor before heading back outside.

Running errands, and not just the grocery store.

First she’d run by the hardware store to pick up spare home repair supplies, then hit the department store for new clothes and sheets, and finally the grocery store to stock up.

With all Barbara had planned she should well and truly be able to distract herself from Jim’s absence for the rest of the day. Of course after she was done….

Well by then enough time should have passed to take the edge off.

Despite these rationalizations, Barbara still felt dark clouds lurking at the edge of her thoughts as she hopped inside the car, tossing her items onto the passenger seat. Visions of all the ways Jim’s little trip could go horribly wrong. Fighting the knee-jerk urge to shove the thoughts away, Barbara tried to address them as she pulled out onto the street.

His secret being exposed, his friends would cover for him.

A medical emergency, those were just as likely to happen here.

Mauled by a bear…well  the bear might actually lose.

The thoughts acknowledged, Barbara now tried to let them flow away. It wasn’t easy but she was getting better. Like Rose said, there was a big difference between acknowledging and working herself into a lather. 

Jim was gone on a two day trip. He was as safe as reasonably possible but she was still worried. And that was ok. Learning to cope with her worries was an important step for both of them. It was still so so hard, but that was ok to.

Barbara found herself saying that a lot lately.

It had been a month and a half yet somehow felt like it happened both yesterday and centuries ago. A month and a half since James had blown everything she thought she knew out of the water, since she’d started seeing Rose, since her entire way of living for over a decade had been flipped on its head. Leaving her adrift in uncharted waters, unsure of where she was headed or what currents would pull her.

A month and a half and Barbara still hadn’t quite found her bearings.

The blue and white Lowes sign came into view as she pulled into the parking lot. Barbara parked at the far end, the walk would be good for her, and grabbed her notebook.

Alright, time to get out of her own head and be productive.

She hopped out of the car and strode into the store.

And her time in the store was very productive. She bought spare light bulbs, nails, and screws. Looked at the fridge and freezer units, they didn’t actively need one right now but it couldn’t hurt to get some ideas for the future, and had a lovely conversation with a man in the PPE section. 

His name was Mike, he was from Milwaukee and he was here for his son’s graduation from engineering school in Los Angeles.

So when Barbara got back in the car she checked her phone, finding no new messages from Jim or the others, and she was pleased to see the better part of two hours had gone by, and she was still more or less put together.

Next stop, Macys.

Macys proved to be much more hectic than Lowes, because apparently July was an appropriate time to start a back to school sale, but despite the crowds Barbara still managed to get everything she came for and a few sale items.

In fact the trip was so busy that it wasn’t until she got back to the car that Barbara realized she hadn’t thought about Jim once during her rush for sheets and sale price t-shirts.

And after checking her phone, seeing no new messages or texts, she realized she didn’t feel bad about that.

Barbara felt not good, but better than she thought she would as she pushed her cart down the aisle at the grocery store. Jim had gone away for the weekend, and while he wouldn’t be back for a while, so far the sky hadn’t fallen, no catastrophe had happened, and no one had called her with bad news. Barbara had been trying to convince herself all day that this was going to be fine, but only now was she really starting to believe tha–

Her cart rounded the corner and her good mood crashing down to the ground and her heart shooting straight up into her throat.

She hadn’t seen him since that awful night, so much time had passed she’d been starting to hope that he’d left town of his own volition, but here he was. Blinking back at her from across the soup aisle.

His nose had a crooked hunch to it that hadn’t been there before, he’d likely never gotten it properly set after it had been broken, but the man in front of her was still unmistakably James.

For the longest time neither one of them said anything, just staring at each other with the creaking of other shoppers' carts and the store’s radio droning around them.

James was gaping, his mouth flapping open and shut like a fish before he finally managed to get words out.

“Barb I…I’m sorry,”

That broke the spell, shattering the bubble that had formed around her mind and letting rationality crash back in.

Seeing him again brought up a whole storm of conflicting emotions, one that she was nowhere near prepared to untangle. But through all the chaos in her mind one thought was clear.

She didn’t want this man anywhere near herself or her child ever again.

Barbara pulled her cart back, turned on her heel, and immediately started walking the opposite direction. From behind she heard James’ shoes slapping against the linoleum as he struggled to catch up.

“Didn’t you hear me? I’m sorry.”

“That’s nice.” Barbara said, please at how sharp and clipped her tone came out, rounding her cart around the edge of the aisle.

“I messed up bad and let you and Jim down, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to make it up,”

“Good for you.”

This time she heard a falter in his steps, stopping for a few moments before continuing on after her “Look Barb, ever since I left, things have been hard,”

He darted around to the front of her cart, blocking her path and causing her to halt in her tracks “Will’s bar didn’t work out, for the past five years I’ve been working odd jobs and living paycheck to paycheck. And Heather….Heather cheated on me,”

Another step towards her “I need help getting back on my feet, if you could find it in your heart to just let me stay with you for a few months, six tops, I promise I’ll be there for you the way I should have been all this time,”

Barbara narrowed her eyes, staring at him for a few more seconds before steering the cart around him, walking further down the aisle, exiting it for one of the main corridors of the store. James still following on her heels.

“Barb look I’m pouring my soul out here,” a petulant edge crept into his voice “I’ve already apologized, what more do you want me to do?”

She didn’t slow down, or even turn her head “Go to Vegas, become a millionaire, or go to Hollywood and become an actor. Quite frankly I don’t care what you do, but there is no place for you with me or in my family,”

An abrupt shuffle and a rustle and suddenly James was kneeling on the floor in front of her cart, several other shoppers stopping and staring at the sight.

“Barb I…I fucked up real bad, there’s no way around that. But these past ten years have been so hard. It took me all that just to realize how much you and Jim mean to me. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness,”

No one moved, all the other shoppers staring at him in stunned silence, while James looked up at her, expression pleading.

For a moment Barbara was so taken aback all she could do was stare, mouth agape.

Then his laughter, cruel and mocking, from when he’d learned exactly what he’d done to Jim echoed in her mind and all shock vanished. Replaced with searing rage.

Barbara glared down at him, feeling her lips pull up into a snarl, cold fire smoldering in her chest.

“James let me make this clear. I don’t care about anything you have to say because your actions have proven that you don’t care about Jim and I,” her voice was icy and diamond hard “Whether or not you’re sorry is irrelevant, you’ve burned every bridge between us. And how dare you try to manipulate me by causing a scene in public.”

James flinched back at that, kneeling there on the floor face twisted up in a wince. Someone in the small crowd around them coughed.

“Dude, just get up,”

Not wasting a second, Barbara strode past James and pushed her cart to the front. She paid for and bagged her groceries without incident, all of them fitting in a single tote bag over her shoulder. For a moment she’d started to believe that she’d evaded James for good, but just when she was heading out the doors James darted in front of her again.

“Look Barbara I don’t want to do this, but if you don’t give me a hand I’ll take custody of Jim,”

Hearty laughter burst out of her, drawing stares from the other shoppers and employees around them entering and exiting the store “You’re going to try for custody after ten years of no contact and zero child support? Please do, let me know how that turns out,”

For a few moments James just stared at her, blinking in surprise, then the pleading look dropped off of his face in an instant, something dark taking its place “Don’t laugh Barb, I know your biggest secret. Now either you help me out or I’ll expose Little Jimmy’s ‘condition’ to the whole world,”

That threat sent a bolt of fear through her, heartbeat stuttering, but she dared not show it “You sure about that?” Barbara kept her shoulders square and voice steady, looking him dead in the eye and trying to project a confidence she didn’t feel “Because you have no proof and I’ve got five witnesses willing to say that Jim’s an average teenage boy. Not to mention with the trespassing and assault charges against you I don’t think anyone in Arcadia’s going to be inclined to believe you,”

James’ face darkened further, expression stony and all traces of remorse gone.

Or maybe they’d never been there in the first place. Maybe she was seeing James’ real face for the first time.

“You’re going to regret screwing me like this Barb,”

The cold certainty in his words chilled her to the bone, having to fight to maintain her poker face as she stepped around him and walked out the door “You did this to yourself James,”

Barbar headed out to her car, constantly glancing back to make sure James wasn’t following. Tossing her bag in the backseat before getting in herself and locking all the doors.

Then promptly burst into tears, fumbling for her phone with badly shaking hands. Somehow managing to pull up her contacts and bring it to her ear.

“Hello Rose?”

--

Barbara stepped through the front door, setting the last of her bags down on the floor while it swung shut behind her. She trudged over to the recliner and collapsed down in it, letting out a gusty breath. Today had been exhausting, in more ways than one, but at least it was over.

Sunlight streamed in through the windows, blinds open since Jim was on his trip, it set later this time of year. Nearly six o clock and it was still bright out. And it was just about time for…

Her phone chimed to life, Barbara fumbling to answer it, tapping the screen and holding it close to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Hey mom,” Jim’s voice rang out

“Hi kiddo,” she replied, a soft grin spreading across her face

And just like that, hearing her son’s voice so bright and happy, all the stress and anxiety of the day melted away “It’s good to hear from you. How’s your party going?”

“Great!” Jim said with a deep laugh. Too deep…

“Wait Jim have you…changed already?”

“Yup, about fifteen minutes ago,”

Despite herself she shot forward in her seat “But it’s so early?”

“Up in the mountains the sun sets earlier I guess, but it’s fine. I’m out in the woods, tent’s all set up for the night, but the gang and I are going to meet up later for snacks and scary stories. Well they’ll have snacks, I’ll have the wrappers the snacks came in,”

A soft laugh escaped “I’m…I’m glad you’re having a good time,”

She was, she really really was. She was glad her worries were for nothing and everything was going ok and Jim was having a fun time without her.

But she’d be lying if she said it didn’t sting a little. Jim, her little boy, had outgrown her. Jim was off on his own and doing just fine without her.

Which was good. He was fifteen, it was only natural for him to be more or less independent. But knowing how right this was didn’t do anything to stop her from feeling left in the lurch.

“Yeah….hey mom?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me come on this trip…I know it’s a big change,”

From out of nowhere a crippling ache struck through her chest, burning surging up behind her eyes “Of course sweetie,” Barbara was careful to not let the sudden wave of emotion color her words “I want you to have a good time with your friends,”

“It’s just, for so long thinking about the future, what I do with all this…it scared me, I didn’t think that there was any way I could be happy. But now when I think about what comes next and everything we’re going to do together, for the the first time ever I’m excited about it,”

Her glasses fogged “That’s great hon,”

“I mean…for years I thought I was trapped, with the way I was stuck in the house, but I guess in the end I wasn’t nearly as trapped as I thought I was. Does that make sense?”

“Y– yes, yes it does,” she tried but wasn’t quite able to keep the tremor out of her voice.

“Thanks mom, I hope you’re having a good time to,”

“You know it, alright I don’t want to keep you from your candy wrappers,” that was a lie, she could talk to Jim for hours, but the longer she stayed on the line the greater the risk of him hearing her cry “I’ll talk to you later kiddo,”

“Ok, bye mom, love you,”

“Bye sweetie, Love you to,”

A tap of the screen and she was alone again. For a few minutes she stayed where she was sitting back in the chair, blinking away the remains of tears with Jim’s words echoing in her skull, observing the empty house in a whole new light.

Jim wasn’t a little boy, he didn’t need her the way he did when he was five. That was good for him, he was old enough he should be independent and living his own life. At first she’d felt left behind, but maybe this was a good thing for her to.

Barbara didn’t have a young child with complex needs that had to be figured out as they went along. Her child was a teenager now; confident, self reliant, and had a rich social life with friends his age. He didn’t need her–

For the first time instead of bringing pain that thought made her feel so dizzyingly light.

She could get in the car right now, drive to Arcadia National park, paint the sunset, and drive back at midnight while hitting every roadside attraction on the way. And Jim would still be A-ok hanging out with his friends at their party. Right now Barbara could do anything she wanted and Jim would still be fine, the whole world seemed to be opening up to her. She could explore museums, pick up old hobbies, paint the town red with her fr–

Before she realized what she was doing Barbara was lifting up her phone again and pulling up her contacts, raising it to her ear as it rang. Only three rings and the other person picked up.

“Hello?” Nancy’s voice echoed out.

“Hi Nancy it’s Barbara, I was just wondering…” she trailed off, suddenly unsure.

“Wondering what?”

“I guess, I mean…it’s still early tonight,” Barbara stammered “And I was wondering if you wanted to go out and…I don’t know, maybe do something like hit up a restaurant or–”

“Count me in!” 

“Are you sure? I mean I don’t want to interrupt your evening–”

“Barbara reruns of Mistrial and Error are still going to be here tomorrow. Now you get your car started while I head over, we’re hitting the town!”

A smile tugging at the edges of her mouth and excitement she hadn’t felt in years bubbling up in her chest, Barbara stood and all but ran towards the door.

[eddiethebrave]

secret admirer

859 words

Steve watches a lot of people. He sees girls as their eyes linger on him. He sees some boys do the same. 

If Tommy caught them, he’d probably do what he always does; humiliate them, hit them. He’s always been a bit protective of him. Steve doesn’t know why. He’s known Tommy since middle school because their lockers were next to each other since they were assigned alphabetically. It’s been like that every year since then, too. 

Sometimes he wonders what his best friend would do if he stopped averting his gaze from places it shouldn’t be yet always strays to. 

More and more lately he finds himself watching someone in particular. 

Steve has to be careful. He can’t let his gaze linger and he has to make sure his face stays neutral, almost as if he’s looking through him and not at him. He forces himself to laugh when someone cracks a joke about The Freak as if Steve isn’t one himself. 

He knows he’s a hypocrite - a coward. He wishes he could be more like Eddie. Just be himself and not care about judgment or criticism. 

It’s his biggest dream and greatest fear. 

Steve’s seat in the cafeteria conveniently (strategically) puts Eddie directly in his line of sight. Aside from the singular elective they share, it’s the only time Steve gets to see him. He’s only been watching him since school came back after winter break and he’s captivated. 

He wishes he had somewhere to expel all of the thoughts he hoards in his brain like a dragon does gold. (Something Steve only knows because he - like a stalker - saw a book Eddie was carrying around for a week or so and checked it out of the library himself as soon as it was available. On the log card inside the cover, E. Munson was written a few times along with some other names.)

He gets an idea on Valentine's Day when he opens his locker after last period and a couple of pieces of paper fall to his feet. Steve watches as Tommy picks one up and coos, “Someone’s got an admirer.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Steve rolls his eyes and snatches the paper. He doesn’t necessarily care what these girls have written to him, but he feels weird letting anyone else see something that was intended for his eyes only. 

Tommy only snickers and pats him on the shoulder a few times in approval. Steve puts the valentines in his backpack to look at when he gets home. He zones out as Tommy starts talking again - something about taking Carol Perkins to Benny’s. 

At home, Steve reads the cards with a furrowed brow. He doesn’t want to be ungrateful given these girls are putting themselves out there and making a move on someone they like. It’s just. 

He feels completely detached from it all. None of the messages are personal. They could have been given to anyone.

He - somewhat guiltily - throws them away. 

The next day, Steve excuses himself during morning practice and slips a piece of paper into a beat-up locker.

Eddie you’re really pretty i wish i could tell you to your face -H

He signed the note with his last initial to be a bit more inconspicuous and perhaps give him some plausible deniability lest he be found out. He’s sure he’s being too precautious - paranoid? - but it gives him peace of mind nonetheless. He couldn’t imagine the dreadful things that would happen if someone traced this back to him. He’d have to run away. 

He’d have to kill himself. 

As much as he wants to, Steve doesn’t hang around Eddie’s locker to see his reaction. Though he does think about it all morning. They don’t have class together until later in the day. When the lunch bell rings, Steve has to force himself to make his way through the halls at an acceptable pace and pats himself on the back when the cafeteria is mostly full when he strides in.

He takes his place at the table where all of the more athletically inclined people tend to congregate and takes a deep breath.

When he chances a look, Eddie is already at the head of his table. He seems quieter than normal. Steve’s always been good at reading people and he can tell the difference between a good quiet and a bad quiet. Eddie’s quiet in a bad way. 

He languidly flips through a book with a faraway contemplative look. 

Steve looks away with a ghost of a frown on his face. 

He tries again the next day. 

Eddie i like your hair is it as soft as it looks? p.s. you didn’t look happy yesterday, sorry if it was my fault -H

That day at lunch, Steve doesn’t look at Eddie as frequently as he usually would, which is unfortunate. 

Eddie has taken to scanning the lunchroom with narrowed eyes. His arms are crossed over his chest and despite him being affronted, Steve can’t help but think he’s kinda cute. 

He smiles to himself and tries to listen to his friends for once to aid in avoiding Eddie’s gaze.

two

[greatestwizardofthisage]

i would like to personally thank siobhan thompson for organising the bad kids secret santa

[khaopybara]

❝I love you, my naughty girl.❞

LINGLING KWONG as FAHLADA THANANUSAK and ORM KORNNAPHAT as EARN SANITHADA episode 8 of THE SECRET OF US

[iliothermia]

wip

[heybiji]

(and is that not reason enough?)

[agentravensong]

ghost trick is a video game that's about these questions: "when something bad happens to you, what do you do with that trauma?" and "when you do something terrible, when you make a terrible mistake, what do you do with that guilt?". it's about fate and family and hope and truth.

but, equally, crucially, it's also propaganda for the best little doggie in the whole world

[theminecraftbee]

oh my god. scar's words as he kills cleo: "Hello Cleo! And goodbye! Goodbye Mom. This is for telling Bdubs that he's your favorite." thinking about how earlier in the episode cleo tried to point out that she and etho had offered scar a place at least twice (not knowing he at the time had tasks to stop it). thinking about how fast the entire end of that episode went. how close to each other all the roomies went out. and thinking about a specific spoiler i know about scar and. there's something there i think. there's something about that for both of them.

man.

[mommytimmy]

[steambend]

zutaras are about to be baited so bad for the second time in a row and frankly idc can i get ten more scarf scenes please

[rosemaidenvixen]

A Secret's Worth

Chapter 38: Jim

Ao3

Jim leaned back and stretched against the bike rack just outside the front of the school, basking in the early morning sunlight. He’d gotten here super early, it was a full half hour until classes started, but he was in no rush. Content to enjoy the gold and peach light of the rising sun and the peaceful quiet while he waited for the others.

Twenty minutes later he heard the clicking of a bike approaching, turning to see Toby pedaling up to him.

“It is not fair how you can get up so obscenely early,” Toby huffed, dragging his bike to the rack and locking it in next to Jim’s.

Jim just chuckled “Hey we all have our strengths, but I know what will ease the pain,” he patted the white box sitting on top of the rack next to him.

Toby’s eyes widened ��What i–”

“What is that?” Darci sped up to them on her own bike, eyes sparkling.

Jim just gave her an easy smile “You’ll have to wait until Mary and Claire get here,”

“Well that could take–”

“I– I’m here,” Mary pulled her own bike up, panting.

Toby raised an eyebrow “What’s with the wheels, I thought your Mo dropped you off in the mornings?”

Mary scowled “My moms caught me sneaking out to go on a date with Mallory, now I have to bike to school for two weeks,”

“Bummer,”

Behind them Jim saw a familiar car pull up against the curb and pushed himself all the way upright “Looks like Claire’s here to,”

A station wagon with a bright yellow ‘Baby on Board’ decal came to a stop by the edge of the curb, the side door popping open and Claire hopping out and moving towards them.

“Hey guys,” Claire said with a wide smile “Ready for the first day of sophomore year?”

“Technically we had our first five days last week,”

Mary snorted “Orientation and whatever the heck ‘Mole Spirit Week’ is don’t count,”

“Sounds like someone lost their school spirit,” Darci said in a sing-song voice.

Toby nodded sagely “Oh she definitely needs a school spirit transplant,”

That earned the two of them a groan from Mary.

Claire rolled her eyes at their antics, gaze landing on the white box “Hey Jim, what’s with the box?”

He grinned back at her, reaching over and picking up the box “Glad you asked. Since I was able to get an early start today, and mom gave me some cash for snacks, I decided to grab us a treat, celebrate the start of the school year and all,” he held the box out and opened it up, revealing five giant cinnamon rolls, oozing with gooey filling topped with generous dollops of frosting, four sets of eyes simultaneously widened.

Toby’s jaw dropped “Are these from that fancy bakery that opened last week!? How!? They sell out almost instantly and preorders are backed up weeks,”

“I got up at the crack of dawn, took the long way around town to school, and stopped by just as they were opening,” 

“So that’s why I didn’t spot you at the canal,”

“Ok clearly adding you to our friend group was a good choice,” Mary said, eyes locked on the open box, slowly edging closer.

“Glad to hear it,” Jim held the box out further “Go nuts guys I didn’t bring them here to look at,”

They took his advice, whipping their hands into the box and tearing into the cinnamon rolls. Soon the five of them settled back, leaning against the wall and bike rack, each munching on their own roll.

Claire finished hers first, sucking her fingers clean of frosting before speaking up “So…the drama department is doing Romeo and Juliet this year, I was thinking we should all try out, that way we could all work on the play together,”

She pulled out a flier which they immediately started passing around, all of them murmuring curiosity, Jim included. But when it came to him and he spotted the times he could actually feel the fluttering hope in his stomach sputter and die.

“Sorry but I won’t be able to be in the play. It runs too late and I have to get home early because of…you know,”

“But rehearsals end way before– that, so it shouldn’t be an issue,”

Jim forced back a wince as he handed the flier back to Claire “Yeah for now, but as the season goes on, daylight savings and all, it’s going to start happening later,”

Claire blinked at him, eyes going wide “Oh…sorry,”

“Here’s a thought,” Mary cut in “Maybe you wouldn’t be able to act, but if Ms. Janeth is ok with it you can be a stagehand and just duck out before it starts getting dark,”

“That…sounds like it could work,” Jim felt a soft smile slowly spread across his face.

It wouldn’t be the same, not exactly, but they could all still work on the play and have fun together.

“I’ll talk to Mrs. J,” Toby said, siding up to Jim and flashing a grin “I’ll give her the ol’ Domzalski charm,”

Mary fixed him with a look “Toby we talked about this,”

Darci just rolled her eyes “How about we all talk to Ms. Janeth during tryouts on Thursday, strength in numbers and all,”

“That sounds good,” Claire added

Jim found himself nodding along “Works for me,”

“And I can give her the Domzalski charm,”

Jim laughed as Mary, Darci, and Claire simultaneously groaned, the giddy energy staying with him even as they broke apart and drifted towards their lockers. He was halfway through spinning the combination into his locker when it hit him.

It was this exact day last year when it happened.

The thought startled him so much for a moment he just stood there in front of his wide open locker with the door swinging in the air.

Getting hit with so much sadness and despair that he couldn’t handle it. Completely breaking down crying under the weight of the hopelessness to the point where he thought he’d never be happy again. Even though he knew it was a year to the day it felt like it happened just yesterday and a thousand years ago.

Jim still could very clearly remember just how utterly crushed he’d been, he didn’t think he could ever forget that. But after everything he’d been through over the last year all that misery felt so far away.

A year ago he’d thought his life was over, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Things had been hard over the last year, incredibly so, but he’d gained three new friends, learned so much, took back his life and made it his own.

Thinking about what would happen after high school still scared him a little, but now it also thrilled him.

There was a lot of uncertainty ahead. He still didn’t know what it was he turned into, he might never know. What changes he might go through as an adult. Facing the struggles of college and jobs. 

But whatever was ahead of him he wouldn’t have to face it alone. 

A gently warmth blooming in his chest, Jim reached out and grabbed his locker door, halting its swinging

Maybe bad things would still happen, as he got bigger he might have to eat more and more meat to survive, his dad might come back and stir up trouble again, more people might get close to his secret; but no matter what happened he had friends and family to help him through it. He didn’t have to face the unknown all alone. 

And bad things might happen, but maybe good things would happen to.

For the first time in he didn’t even remember how long, Jim could think about the future with a smile on his face.

He was still grinning like an idiot, practically dizzy with giddiness, as he tossed his bag into his locker, which was why he only caught the tail end of Eli’s ramble.

“--monsters with stone for skin!”

Jim jerked violently, heart yanking up and down, locker door slipping from his hand during his panicked flailing. Reaching out with shaky hands to slam it shut with much more force than needed. Leaning against the locker with both hands, trembling against the metal, Jim slowly turned around, desperately hoping he hadn’t just heard what he thought he had.

Eli was standing in the corner speaking rapidly and making large sweeping gestures with his arms as he talked, gathered around him were some wide-eyed freshmen and a few unimpressed looking upperclassmen. Jim shoved down the sudden spike of anxiety, if nothing else he’d gotten good at doing that over the last year, forcing himself to act casual as he walked over towards him.

“What was that you were saying Eli?”

Eli looked up sharply at him, a wild glint in his eyes “On my way to school this morning I saw two monsters with stone for skin fighting under the canal bridge!”

One of the others, Seamus, he now recognized, gave a sharp bark of laughter “Get real E-lame, if you’re going to make stuff up at least be creative about it,”

Jim didn’t allow himself to so much as twitch, but on the inside he was practically melting with relief. He hadn’t left the house before he’d changed, and he hadn’t been anywhere near the canal this morning. No way Eli spotted him while he was blue. Chances are Eli just saw something else from a distance and got confused.

“I’m not lying!” Eli’s voice was shrill, nearly a shout “There are monsters in Arcadia living right under our noses!”

“I don’t think you're lying Eli–”

Eli spun towards him, face practically radiant with gratitude, making the next part hard to say.

“But don’t you think it’s more likely you just saw some guys in motorcycle gear duking it out than actual monsters?”

“I know what I saw, it was monsters!”

Seamus scowled and opened his mouth to no doubt say something else scathing, but before he could get a word out first bell rung, scattering the loose gathering as they all headed for their classes.

Eli was harmless. Whatever he’d spotted this morning wasn’t Jim, and it wasn’t like any of his conspiracy junk had ever held water before. 

Nevertheless Jim was still on edge when he sat down in Mr. Strickler’s class for first period just before second bell run.

“Alright students quiet down,” Mr. Strickler strode to the front of the room, hands folded behind his back as the room settled into silence “I know the Punic wars might not seem like the most exciting conflict in history, but that’s just for those who don’t know better….”

Jim pulled out his notebook and started quickly scribbling down notes, doing his best to force Eli’s talk of monsters out of his head and focus on the lesson Strickler was–

James Lake

His heart shot up into his throat, jerking in his seat and snapping upright, pencil dragging a sharp line across his paper yanking his notebook to the side. 

“Dude you ok?” Toby whispered from the seat next to him.

Jim’s eyes flickered towards the front of the room where Strickler was still talking about the Punic wars while pointing at different parts of his projection while all eyes in the room were on him.  

No interruption in the lecture. No one looking his way.

“Did…you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

“It’s– never mind,”

Toby raised an eyebrow but turned back towards the front of the room. Jim shook his head and discreetly pulled in a deep breath. He must have imagined it, no need to freak out five minutes in to his first class.

He regripped his pencil and straightened his notebook just as Mr. Strickler turned around to face the room again.

“Now pay attention because this will be on your first test…”

Heartbeat slowing, Jim lowered his gaze towards his paper and went back to jotting down–

James Lake

He somehow managed to keep himself from jerking again, pencil in an iron grip and a slow shudder creeping up his body. Something slimy curling in his belly, Jim looked up again and discreetly looked around the room.

There was no way that it was Mr. Strickler saying his name, and it didn’t look like anyone else in the room was calling him either. Was his mind just playing tricks on hi–

James Lake

His heart dropped down into the pit of his stomach, pencil tumbling from his grip.

Nope. Not imagining it. There was an actual voice in his head.

“Is there a problem Jim?” Mr. Strickler’s cool voice cut through his mounting panic.

Jim looked up at him–

James Lake

Mr. Strickler and everyone else in the room didn’t so much as flinch.

Yep it was only him. Jim was hearing a voice calling his name that no one else could. That wasn’t good. At all.

“I…uh…have to go to the bathroom,”

One of Mr. Strickler’s eyebrows quirked up “Class just started,”

James Lake

“I really really have to go,”

Snickers and giggles filled the room.

“Alright then, just hurry back,”

Jim managed to give a frantic nod of thanks as he practically raced out of the room, Feeling Toby and the girls’ eyes on him as he went. 

In some part of his mind he knew it was bad he was having another big moment of public weirdness on the first day of school after the one he’d had last year. But the bigger part of him was focused on the literal voice in his head. He managed to make it to the end of the hall before it hit him again, much louder than it had been in the classroom.

JAMES LAKE

Ok, mysterious voice was getting louder. But was the volume increasing or was Jim getting…closer? Only one way to find out and he literally had no other ideas.

Moving through the school, the voice getting steadily louder as he went, Jim found himself standing in an open side door without even realizing it, staring at the open street ahead of him. For a moment he hesitated, imagining all the trouble he’d be in if he was caught ditching–

JAMES LAKE

Jim gritted his teeth and took off sprinting down the sidewalk. Running and running guided only by the voice in his head.

JAMES LAKE

Leaving pavement behind he raced down a dirt trail towards the canal. Slowing but not stopping when he reached the edge. Scrambling down the concrete he slipped and tumbled, landing hard on his hands and knees on the concrete. For a moment he stayed like that, palms stinging and knees throbbing, kneeling on the ground, panting.

JAMES LAKE

He froze.

That time the voice hadn’t been in his head. 

Slowly lifting his head up. Jim spotted a pile of gravel underneath the bridge, in the same direction that the voice had come from. He pushed himself upright, taking small, cautious steps towards the bridge.

“Hello? Anyone there?”

No reply, either from inside and outside his head. The only sound the distant rumble of traffic on the road above. Stopping right in front of the pile, Jim saw that what he thought was gravel was actually some very coarse rubble. Seeing nothing else but bare concrete around him, Jim got down on his knees and started sifting through it, not even sure what he was looking for.

Until he touched something that wasn’t rock.

Jim froze for a second before he closed his fingers around the object, cool and smooth in his hands, and pulled it out.

When he saw it he was so stunned he couldn’t move, kneeling in the bright canal marveling at the bizarre object in his hands.

The closest comparison he could make was to a pocket watch, but this was like no pocket watch he’d ever seen.

It was about the size of his phone, round, made of a shiny silver metal surrounding a sky blue face. There were hands and writing on it, but not in any orientation or language he’d ever seen, fixed together with gears sporting gargoyle-like faces in an incomprehensible jumble.

While Jim was still struggling to figure out what exactly he was looking at, the voice came again, emanating directly from the pocket watch, but softer, and almost…comforting.

James Lake

Then there was a sound almost like a sigh of relief and the pocket watch went silent.

Jim’s breath caught in his throat. For a few moments he could only stare at the object, then he slowly raised it to his ear

“Uh…hello? Anyone home?”

Nothing but silence. The voice was gone, and somehow Jim had a feeling it wouldn’t be back because it had done what it was supposed to.

But that still left him with far more questions than answers.

Adrenaline slowly draining away, Jim stood back up straight and turned the object over in his hands, trying to spot any other markings or clues that could give more insight.

As he examined the not-pocket watch he was hit by a sudden wave of awareness. Jim was standing in the canal in broad daylight talking to an inanimate object. If anyone going by saw him they would report him for truancy, or worse call his mom.

Mysterious voices and pocket watches aside he needed to get back to class.

Jim shook himself off, sliding the pocket watch into the back pocket of his jeans before making his way back up the side of the canal.

Despite the craziness that was his life, mysterious talking watches was a new one. What was this thing? Why did it call his name? What did it all mean?

Jim let out a breath as he planted both feet on the dirt bordering the canal, turning and heading back in the direction of the sidewalk that led to the school. Feeling the constant press of the object’s shape and weight in his pocket.

Well whatever this was, he wouldn’t have to tackle it alone, he’d have his friends to help him figure it out.

[sideblogdotjpeg]

ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally

(+ cropped versions !)

[bre4yd]

Some scotts and their gem (idk i havent watched secret life /j)

[willthespy]

*riptide starts playing*

[demaparbat-hp]

Hi Dema!! Your art is fantastic and even the lineart is awesome! Solid and confident in where it's thick and where thin. I really like how your style has characters look more realistic and they have specific consistent features. Your blog has a pleasant atmosphere, and you're skilled in weaving AUs! There's a lot of details and structure, and I'd like to ask if any of them have a full story arc? Could you do a list of all of the AUs? Is there a motif that you especially like that repeats in any of the AUs? And whenever you add comments to my stuff in the tags I literally smile, it makes me want to keep at my plan to create everything I have in mind. So I'd like to spread this joy! I hope you have a nice day! (from late-draft ^^)

Hello, Late-Draft! I wasn't expecting this ask at all but I'm so glad to have received it!

First of all—I'll try to hold myself back from giggling like a schoolgirl. I'm having a sempai noticed me moment over here and that's just embarrassing. So give me a second to compose myself, if that's alright?

Okay, I'm back.

Now, on to business.

Character design, especially when it comes to facial features and how they're unique to each person, has always been a passion of mine. I always try to have a solid design for each character. I choose which features feel like the character in question, which face feels natural to draw, and go along with it. I love drawing Katara as much as I love drawing Zuko. Meanwhile, I seem to be on a never-ending battle against Sokka's features. Woes of an artist, I suppose.

Character design is actually one of the reasons I love your work so much, in case you hadn't noticed. I'm currently experimenting a bit with a different style... Hopefully it won't be long before the artwork is done and I can share it over here. I'm so excited for everyone to see it!

Now it's time for the reason we're all here.

I have said it before and shall say it once more: AUs are my lifeblood.

I love them so much! Building them, daydreaming the scenes, thinking of the characters and how they differ from their canon versions. The arcs and the themes and the worldbuilding. Building AUs is my passion, and I have so many of them!

There are a lot of motifs and themes that tend to repeat themselves in several of my AUs, I believe.

You'll notice that most of my stories are Zuko-centric, with a heavy emphasis on grief and humanity. There's the question of what makes us human and how to move forward when the whole world seems to push you back. I put a lot of stock in metaphors and symbolism within the narrative itself. I'm especially interested in the nuance of war and how it affects people emotionally, physically, and psychologically

I also tend to reutilize some elements of the lore and/or worldbuilding! Such as the Painted Lady's backstory, or the existence of War Children within the ATLA universe.

Now, the list!

I think I'll start with my current project, if that's okay :)

For the Spirits (New Gods AU)

Zuko was a child when he met Agni. Then, the spirits started coming to him. Eyes hidden in the hallways, voices pleading for help, for recognition, for remembrance.

Zuko could see Agni. He could see the broken remains of a Great Spirit and the empty smiles of amnesiac ghosts.

And they could see him in return.

I've been working on this AU for a long time, but only now did I get the chance to start writing the fic (linked up there!). I'm extremely excited about FTS and where the story will lead us in the future, but I'll try not to spoil too much.

It's a Zuko-centric story, with a heavy emphasis on Spirits and humanity. I'd like to add a warning for depression/mental health issues.

To Hesitate (Lee & Kya AU)

As she watches Lee and Kya avoid each other's eyes from across the room, the phrase comes back to her, swift and silent:

"To hesitate is to lose."

.

As Song treats the victim of an unfortunate interaction with a rare poisonous flower, her day takes an unexpected turn when it becomes apparent that the old man's nephew and her assistant have history.

A vivid history.

The Lee & Kya AU is a vibe, a feeling. It's probably one of my oldest AUs out there as well as one of my dearest.

A classical Lee and Kya From The Tea Shop AU, full with wholesome fandom tropes such as: fake (but not really) dating, fake identities, Ba Sing Se shenanigans, vigilante stuff, White Lotus missions, Iroh is a great Uncle, Zuko is an awkward turtleduck, and, of course, the fluffiest fluff you'll ever see.

Other than that, Lee & Kya is probably one of the less plot-focused AUs I have. However, that doesn't mean that there aren't scenes I can't wait to write or a canon divergence or two where Zuko is concerned.

(I have another fic posted but I'll leave that one to the end. You asked for a full story arc and, oh boy, does Soundless deliver.)

Kintsugi AU

Closer to being canon-adjacent than canon-divergent, Kintsugi is yet another Zuko-centric AU (and are we not noticing a pattern over here?).

I'd love to explain it in depth, but I believe the caption of the artwork linked above does a better job at explaining than I ever will.

Kintsugi is the art of decorating your scars with pieces of Agni.

In the Fire Nation, the amount of golden marks are a sign of status. Only the Royal Family can afford to seal every single wound with Kintsugi. Such is the weight of this tradition that, among the ones with Agni's blood, it is the highest mark of dishonor to have a natural scar, for it proves you aren't worthy of the privilege.

After the Agni Kai, Ozai forbid Zuko's scar to be sealed with Kintsugi. The boy wasn't worth his title, his traditions or his pride. Zuko would be broken, but he wouldn't be beautiful. Not anymore.

(And sometimes it's easier to pretend he never was)

Kyoshi Warriors AU

One of my absolute favorites!

In this AU, Ursa took Zuko and Azula with her when she was banished, so they could start anew. With help from Iroh and the White Lotus, she managed to relocate her freshly burned eight-year-old child and her crying daughter to Kyoshi Island.

Years later, when Avatar Aang and his companions first arrive at Kyoshi Island, they're met by the Kyoshi Warriors and their leader, Noriko of pale skin and warm brown eyes.

The Gaang leave Kyoshi Island many weeks later with a new companion. And if Jian Li, with his war paint and his scar and his dual dao, gives the island that he has called home for so long one final, longing glance as they fly away on Appa, they pretend not to notice.

Hunters AU

We're starting to dwelve deep into dangerous waters!

This is a Katara Joins Zuko In His Quest To Find The Avatar AU, with a twist!

This AU was born as a writing experiment. What if we take Katara's character, and change one of her core characteristics? Katara, who looked up to the Avatar as a saviour figure, now blames him for leaving and allowing the Fire Nation to wage war on the world.

Then comes Zuko, a banished Prince with a crew full of traitors and his own agenda. Zuko wishes for nothing more than to dethrone his father and end the war. He is a White Lotus member, an honorable, driven young man, and he has a plan.

The catch? He needs to take the Avatar to his father if he wishes to regain his title and be able to rightfully take the throne. Oh, and he will deliver the Avatar to the Fire Lord—but nobody said it had to be in chains.

Halfblood AU

I watched Blue Eye Samurai a few months ago and it destroyed me. The idea of a half-blooded child dead set on getting revenge for their very existence stuck with me, and this AU was born.

Kanna made a life for herself in the Earth Kingdom after leaving the North. Katara was raised by her grandmother in a small village, being taught to hide her bending if she wanted to live peacefully in a place she was only half of. Her mother had died in childbirth. Her father, a nameless warrior from the Southern Water Tribe who had loved Kya and left her behind, didn't know of Katara's existence.

Katara took over Kanna's clinic after she passed away. Always taking care of others. Always suppressing her need to bend. Always wishing for more.

One day, he arrived. A half-child, just like her. But while she was of Water, he was a son of Agni. He was searching for the man who brought him to this world. The man who scarred him. The man whose face he couldn't recall, whose name he did not know. The man whose specter had chased his mother to her grave. The man who would die at his hand.

The answers were hidden in a small teashop deep within Ba Sing Se. Lee offered her a way out, and Katara took it.

Soundless (Uiscefhuaraithe)

Katara of the Southern Water Tribe has hands scarred by fire and great talent, though no teacher.

Zuko is a mute War Child, a herbalist and healer, and the Blue Spirit. He bears the mark of fire, and the scar of the blade that took away his voice.

The first time they met, the Blue Spirit had just saved her, tough not before her hands got burned. The second time they met, his name was Lee, and he was healing her.

They live in war and they will fight, if not for the world, then for themselves.

You asked for a full storyline, and I shall deliver!

Soundless is probably the only AU I have fully planned. Three-books, Azula redemption arc, role-reversals and all.

This AU has everything. From travelling through the Earth Kingdom together, to odd character team-ups that somehow manage to work, and a major goal/conflict to resolve.

Zuko and Katara must find their way to Omashu in an Earth Kingdom ravaged by war as they also grow to understand each other, themselves, and the world around them. They meet with new and old alliances, keep their ears open for rumors of the Avatar (They say he is an airbender, Lee. Do you truly belive that?), and do their best to always be two steps ahead of their pasts.

Meanwhile, both the Northern and Southern Water Tribes are searching for the runaway heiress, Aang must find his way alone on this new, hostile world, and Azula must face the revelation that, despite what her father has stated for the last two years (liar, he lied at her! Her! He lied he liedliedliedlied), her brother might just be alive.

I'm sorry for making this such a long answer! I just get very excited about these subjects and don't know when to stop. If you made it all the way down here: thank you again.

I hope you have a good day ❤️