#a post in which I am a little vulnerable about stuff that makes me feel like a weenie but I'm hoping to come out of this stronger

[my-gf-is-kazuichi-soda]

In regards to the "mechanical limbs" headcanon I see commonly with SDR2 characters...

Has anyone made any non-Despair AU lore around it (it can still be killing game, just non-Despair)? Any positive, non-triggering lore I can look into to build positive associations around it?

SDR2 spoilers and tw: talk of sexual assault/corpse desecration under the cut

I've been embarrassed to admit it, but that's a headcanon that triggers me because of the SDR2 lore. What Junko said at the end of the game, about the Despair sexually violating her corpse and stealing her body parts, squicked me out so much it made me avoid anything with associations to missing/replacement body parts in the SDR2 fandom, including mechanical limb Kaz (I can be okay with mechanical limb Nagito though).

But I hate to have such an averse reaction to what is essentially a physical disability headcanon. It doesn't have to make Kaz an assaulter, corpse desecrator, or anything else to have a mechanical arm, and I really hate that this is what my mind jumps to when I see it. I promise, in any fandom other than SDR2, the sight of mechanical limbs wouldn't trigger me in the slightest, but in this fandom with SDR2 specifically I immediately think of the gross stuff Junko said. I'd like to de-canon that stuff in my head so I can train my brain to stop being bothered by the mechanical limbs headcanon because of how much it is everywhere.

I also hate that this whole thing makes me feel like a weenie. I get that I'm in a fandom where for most people went through in their edgy teen phase. Also I can imagine several people forgot about the origins of this specific headcanon after 10+ years of being in the fandom (which is absolutely fine). Even if they didn't, we all have different thresholds of dark themes, and there's some I can tolerate, but this one happened to get to me on a personal level.

[moonstruckme]

happy new year lovie!!!! i feel bad for requesting this bc just thinking ab the volume of ur inbox is a little overwhelming and ive gone a bit overboard 😭

but..... bodyguard!james finds out his mum is quite sick right before his shift one day and leaves to take care of her after letting reader know. he has to take the week off and reader is visiting and bringing them their favorite homecooked meals everyday (which she has memorised bc, bless him, james loves to talk abt his mum) and james is LOVEEESTRUCK. she's there, bright and early every morning (with a different bodyguard bc god forbid she leaves the house with no protection right in front of james' own two eyes!!!) with muffins and flowers and bags of food in hand :( james is enamored and so sweet on her!!!!! and reader is obsessing over how vulnerable and emotionally in tune james is at a time like this!!!!! i'm thinking maybe confessions are getting pretty hard to hold back by the end of the week ☹️🩷

thank you! (if you do decide to write this or if you dont for letting me ramble on in your asks x)

Don't feel bad my love! Thank you for requesting :)

cw: sick family member

bodyguard!James x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

No matter how many times James has visited home throughout his adult life, he always manages to discover something he’s forgotten about living there. Like how particular his mum is about the way the dish towel is folded, or which drawer the scissors are kept in, or the ungodly amount of door-to-door salesmen that come by on a daily basis. 

Lately, he’s being plagued by the last. He recalls them being vaguely annoying when he was younger, but James’ family is currently going through a difficult time that leaves one with somewhat frayed nerves. He very nearly snapped at a particularly tenacious primary school student selling chocolate yesterday. Not one of his finer moments. 

So when the doorbell rings while his mum is trying to sleep down the hall, James has to make an effort to reel his wrath back in before he’s even answered it. 

Funnily enough, any negative emotion completely evaporates when he sees you on the front steps. 

“Hi,” you say, looking apprehensive. 

“Hi,” James echoes. He opens the door the rest of the way, nodding to the fill-in guard you’ve brought with you. “Hey, Singh.”

Singh nods in return. 

“I hope it’s alright that I just came by.” You give him a sheepish sort of smile. “I didn’t even realize I don’t have your phone number until now. You’re always just…there.” 

James laughs, the mood that’s descended over him since getting the call about his mum lifting slightly. “Yeah, I suppose I am. What brings you out, sweetheart?” 

You hoist the bags you’re carrying a bit higher in your arms. “I brought some stuff for you and your mom, if that’s okay.” 

A tiny hand fists around his heart, squeezing pleasantly. “Course it is,” he all but coos. “Come on in. Singh, you alright to stay here and keep watch?” 

Luckily, the other man doesn’t think to remember that James is currently on leave, and so defers to him with a curt nod. James shoots him a smile as you come inside, closing the door behind you. 

“They put Singh on day shift?” he asks, taking one of the bags from you and leading you into the kitchen. “He’s barely finished training.” 

“He seems fine,” you say in your good-natured way. 

“He took you to a location that’s never been reconned without even bringing another guard to post outside.” 

“It’s your mom’s house, Jamie.” The smile is evident in your voice, sweeter even than the smell wafting out of these bags. God, he’s missed you. “I doubt he suspects either of you are going to try and hurt me.” 

“He should be prepared for the possibility,” James says, but he can’t manage to work any menace into his tone even to tease you. You tilt your head at him, mouth curving up to one side like you’re well acquainted with his particular brand of silliness, and he lets his grievances go instantly. “You didn’t have to bring us anything, angel face.” 

You flush a bit at the endearment, directing a soft smile down at his family’s old wooden table (which is great, because now James is in the position of being jealous of a table). “I wanted to do something,” you reply simply. “How’s your mom?” 

“She’s alright.” Not great. Not worse, which is always good. If the only thing he accomplishes in a day is that she doesn’t get worse, James can feel good about that. “She’s sleeping in this morning.” 

“Oh, shit.” Your voice drops to a hush like the breeze blowing through leaves. “I haven’t woken her, have I?” 

James grins. “No, you’re good. She can sleep through anything.” 

You lose a breath. “Right, well I brought some meals to last you a few days,” you say, digging some containers out of the bag. “It can all be heated up whenever you’re ready to eat, and—oh, also some flowers. I know it’s stupid, but I thought they might brighten things up for you two.” James doesn’t think it’s stupid at all, but you go on before he can tell you so. “Can I put these in your freezer? I brought some muffins for this morning too, if you want them.” 

“Yeah,” James says, the word leaving him on a breath. “I mean, yeah to both. Thank you.” He grabs several of the containers as well, showing you to the freezer. You both start cramming them in between things, wherever they’ll fit. He takes note of the food as it goes in, a heady warmth growing in his chest. “Did you make all of this?” 

You hum in brisk affirmation. “I had plenty of time on my hands yesterday. Turns out things are pretty boring without you around.” 

“How’d you know what to make? This is all—these are our favorites.” 

You turn to him, a tenderhearted sort of smile curving your lips. “You talk about your mom a lot, Jamie,” you say. “I know all her favorites by now. And the things she’d make that were your favorites, too.” 

James hadn’t realized he’d spent so much time rambling about his mum. It hurts his chest a bit to think of it now, worse to think that you’d been listening so intently. 

“This is only really enough to get you through a few days,” you go on, oblivious to his yearning, “but I figured I’d come back with more if you’re both alright with it.” You look at him as you pack the last of the food away, your gaze careful. “I don’t want to intrude or anything.” 

“You could never intrude.” James isn’t sure how he gets the words out, his heart ballooning until it’s nearly cutting off his airflow. The cool air breezing onto one side of his face stops, and he realizes you’ve shut the freezer. “This is just…so, so kind of you. I don’t know what to say.” 

“James.” Your voice is soft. Your smile has faded, and now you look at him with an unabashed, steady kindness. “You don’t have to say anything. I can’t stand the thought of you and your mom going through this. I wanted to help, somehow.” One of your shoulders comes up in a sheepish half-shrug. “Even if it’s really small.” 

He wraps his arms around your shoulders, and you hesitate only a second before bringing your arms around him too. You squeeze him tight. James lets himself relish the feel of it, lovelorn. “It’s not small,” he says fervently. “It really…it means a lot, sweetheart.” 

You only squeeze tighter in response. When he lets you go, your gaze is sad. Worried. You ask without prelude, “Are you doing okay?” 

James gives you a half-smile. The truth of it. “Yeah, we’re alright over here. It’s hard to see her like this, but I think everything’s going to be okay.” You nod, solemn in your understanding. “Sounds like I might be doing better than you, actually, if your company’s bad enough that you’re entertaining yourself in the kitchen all day.” 

You crack a smile at that, and James’ heart lightens. “Yeah, Singh’s no you. He doesn’t seem to like to chat.” 

“Ahh, so that’s why you’ve really come out here, yeah? You just missed me.” 

“You’ve caught me.” 

It’s said like a joke, but James’ pride inflates foolishly nonetheless. “I hate that I can’t be there,” he says. “Especially now that I know they’ve put Singh on my shift.” 

“He’s not so bad,” you laugh, heading towards the table. You fold up the bags. “Anyway, it’s more important that you’re here. And I’ll be back in a couple days to restock you.” 

James fixes you with a look as you start for the door. “You really don’t have to.” 

“I’m going to,” you say breezily. “Don’t forget to put the flowers in water, and the muffins are strawberry chocolate chip.” He grins. His mum’s favorite. “I’ll tell Singh you were raving about him.” 

“Oh, please do.” He rolls his eyes, feeling lighter than he has in days. “Thanks, angel.” 

You shoot him a smile worthy of the moniker as you go out the door. “See you in a couple days, Jamie.”

[lilithhb]

🫀Experiences;

One night, in a room.

Years ago I went to a school trip with some friends.

I had these friend who I loved a lot during that time, I am a very loving person so I remember hugging him a lot and he would do the same. It was nice because he was taller than me so I could listen to her heart every time I wanted to by hugging him.

As I’ve had a heart condition for a time now he always took care of me making sure that I felt okay. Something that beyond cardiophilia I always found it cute.

“Did you take your pills?” “Make sure not to eat much junk food” “How is your heart?” “Everything okay with your dumb pump” are small examples of the things he used to say to me. I had that trust in which I would lie next to him and sometimes he would put his hand on my chest while doing stuff, feeling my heart. Something that I told him made me feel safe.

I remember the movement of his hand going up and down following my heartbeat as Ive always had a visible heartbeat.

I remember him getting worried when my heart decided to skip some beats while his hand rested on my chest. “Its fine” I would say, “It does that sometimes” and the he would say that it should not happen again as if I could control my heartbeat hehe….

During that trip he was extra careful with me. We had long walks and he would always walk next to me as I would get tired easily because of my condition. My heart always beating erratically with skips and pauses with the sun making me a sweat mess. He would take my wrist to feel my pulse just to know about my condition. One time he even putted his palm against my chest to feel it directly while he told me I should follow his breathe to calm my heart.

One afternoon after one of those long walks both of us sneaked into his room (girls and boys could not share room during this trip for obvious reasons) to rest and talk. We had small conversations but I was too tired to keep the dialogue going, so after a small silence he got closer and laid his hand on my chest once again. My heart beating strong following a fast pace.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, I started blushing for some reason, it never actually mattered to me that he put his hand on my chest but somehow I felt more vulnerable this time. “No, I mean yeah kinda” I reply. “You should rest then…”

I don’t really remember who things went, but we lay down on his bed, where after some time trying to sleep he would sit and watch me straight to my eyes asking me if he could listen to my heart. My heart started to race more in answer to the question, which I stuttered to reply with a yes.

He would lay his head on my chest while his hand rested on my wrist. I remember that I was having an arrhythmia during that time, so he would comment about every skip and rhythm change my heart would make, he told about how beautiful it was for him to listen the one thing that keeps working so hard, and kinda poorly, to keep me alive.

I remember his breathing, his head moving up and down my every shake my chest had in response to hard little pump. His attempts to follow my heartbeat with smalls “pump pum” coming from his mouth.

I loved every second of it. I never felt soy listened in my life. And we stayed like that for hours until the night came. I did fall sleep at the end, when I woke up I was hugging his head against my chest, with my heart beating slowly with the same pace of his breathing.

This was my attempt of writing some of my cardiophile experiences, sorry for the bad English I am not a native speaker;;; I have many more to tell so perhaps this is only the first of many posts with my experiences, who knows?

[tossawary]

So, Force-users in "Star Wars" appear to have their telepathy and empathy powers mostly only when it's convenient for the plot. (And obviously different characters naturally have different natural talents and different trained skills.) The "Jedi Apprentice" series that I am slowly trying to read introduces more concrete telepathic elements than the vagueness of the films, such as both intentional and UNINTENTIONAL mental bonds between characters.

And it keeps making me thinking about the accidental Force bonds that must often exist between young Force-sensitives and their non-sensitive parents. (Note: This post is mainly about Anakin Skywalker and Xanatos witnessing the violent deaths of their respective parents.)

I used to do a lot of casual reading on toxic and abusive relationships, because I stumbled on a quote from some book and thought that it was just fascinating from a character perspective (I did also use that information for reflection on other stuff, but that's not relevant here). Children usually become deeply attached and attuned to their guardians, even if those guardians are intentionally cruel, or even if those guardians have toxic behaviors because they are stressed and a little self-absorbed or whatever. Children spend the early years of their life with no way out and just trying to survive by keeping their parent (who provides them with that survival) happy. People in abusive relationships are often made to feel responsible for the reactions of their abuser. They often have panicked instincts that demand fight or flight or freeze or fawn reactions to someone getting upset with them.

(I am summing up a LOT of stuff, I know! Unhealthy relationships are very complicated and varied! People all react differently. I'm trying to quickly establish a few points to make a later point here.)

Even adult children trying to establish boundaries with their toxic parents often meet a great deal of resistance, and are sometimes accused of being disloyal and ungrateful and disrespectful and sometimes even abusive themselves, just for doing things like asking their parents not to show up without calling first, because their emotionally immature parents regard any sort of disagreement or conflict as harmful to them and their authority. A lot of adult children talk about the mental struggle that comes with learning how to stand up for themselves against their parents, whether that parent has been intentionally or unintentionally abusive.

Which has all made me think about how much worse any relationship could get if one side of it has telepathy and empathy. Especially if that side of it is a child who doesn't know it! And the parent probably doesn't know about this either!

The Jedi Order is already kind of set up so that a cruel or neglectful Master could potentially do a lot of damage (a few months, at least) to a Padawan before hopefully being caught. Being able to literally feel your abusive Master's intentionally projected / focused disappointment or anger sounds nightmarish for a child. Most Jedi who are decent people shield themselves and do not project negative emotions at vulnerable / impressionable children, but we know from canon that there are plenty of Jedi who fail at being decent people.

(And oh, man, everything about Sith training sounds SO BAD. The mental and emotional damage that can intentionally be done by a Force-user projecting bad vibes is truly off the charts.)

Non-Force-sensitive guardians probably won't have any kind of mental shielding. Even if the guardian is outwardly the nicest parent in the world, it has to be hard that your child is (potentially) apparently constantly unhappy, and you won't know that it's because they are telepathically sensitive to all of your internal tiredness and anger and sadness. There would be no emotional privacy. And if the life situation is bad for the family, then that child is potentially going to grow up being hyperaware of the mental and emotional states of everyone around them, knowingly or unknowingly using the Force, because being able to read the room like that has been imperative to their survival.

Shmi Skywalker seems to be a remarkably even-keeled person for her circumstances. I headcanon her as being (perhaps unconsciously) Force-sensitive herself and having taught herself some degree of mental and emotional shielding due to her hard life. If someone as powerful as Anakin had been raised by someone who was constantly stressed and willing to scream about it, lash out at their child about it, then he could have been even more of a mess. He seems remarkably well-loved compared to what could have happened.

I do think that Anakin and Shmi must have had some accidental mental and emotional bond with each other. If Anakin is as gifted in the Force as everyone says he is, he probably would have naturally reached out to the minds around him, because that's what baseline senses / existence are to him. (It's fun to think about Anakin's existence being wholly unique and WEIRD, and how this causes him to clash with everyone else. It's possible that one else experiences the universe quite like he does.)

Being separated from a parent will cause anxiety in ANY child, but it's interesting to think about how things might have been heightened for Anakin, if Shmi's mind has been an unconscious cornerstone / foundation of his mental reality and his emotional keel since his birth. Due to telepathy / empathy, Anakin may have been unconsciously using Shmi as his mental and emotional ground to stand on for as long as he can remember. Losing his mother, even by separation, when he's been halfway into her head all his life, might genuinely feel like losing a piece of his mind to Anakin. He doesn't initially have the teachings to deal with this kind of catastrophe to his baseline operating system.

He DOES get teaching for these things over the course of the next ten years. (I don't think that he was too old to be trained (Luke was famously 19 in the original "Star Wars") but I do think Anakin could have probably been trained better. Anyway, if he hadn't been trained, Sidious probably would have scooped him up immediately.) But then his mother dies in a very violent and painful way when he's RIGHT THERE, when his control probably already isn't very good due to the situation, and it cannot feel good to be inside the mind of a loved one when they're dying, especially if their own mental and emotional shielding is limited.

Like, yeah, I can see why someone who has telepathy and empathy might have some kind of mental break there. Anakin is permanently losing someone who has potentially been a mental and emotional cornerstone all his life, literally. I don't think it makes his thorough massacre of the Tusken Raiders, down to the last child, in any way excusable, that kind of vengeful, murderous collective punishment is horrifying, but I understand why it might happen from a character perspective.

If were arguing that Anakin is innately more telepathic than most people, he should be able to feel the people he's attacking as well. And it's interesting to think about how someone incredibly naturally empathetic might choose to adapt an apathetic perspective to the suffering of anyone he doesn't personally care about. Yeah, of course he might try to close himself off as much as possible. The universe is already constantly screaming at him with its death and pain. If super-telepath Darth Vader cuts someone down with his own hands, then at least they're quiet now.

Anyway, this post was also about Force-sensitive children who have shitty parents who aren't in any way Force-sensitive. Which, funnily enough, brings us to Qui-Gon Jinn's other potential Chosen One: Xanatos. Xanatos even witnessed his parent's violent death, like Anakin, because Qui-Gon semi-accidentally killed the corrupt Governor Crion for trying to start a civil war and threatening Padawan Orykan.

Like, I just finished reading "Star Wars: Jedi: The Dark Side", a 5-part comic that depicts how Qui-Gon and Xanatos broke up as a Master-Padawan pair. (I wanted context for the "Jedi Apprentice" series.) They're sent there to investigate a murder and are cooperating / protecting Governor Crion, before it is ultimately revealed that Crion has been intentionally stoking the conflict and local xenophobia for his own benefit. Xanatos spends almost the entire time telling Qui-Gon explicitly that he wants to go back to Coruscant, he doesn't want to be here; all but outright saying that he's emotionally conflicted and that there's a conflict of interest here.

It's not made explicit that Crion was abusive before, but he does seem to be a little toxic, and Xanatos clearly has a very rocky relationship with this man who is trying to start a fucking war. It is very clear at the end of the story that Xanatos resents being tested like this, having watched both of his family members die violently.

And I couldn't help but relate this to Anakin: that uneven, childhood-deep Force bond with a parent (which I am presuming exists, there's no specific canonical proof of this for either Anakin or Xanatos that I have yet read) snapping back on a telepath presumably isn't great for a person's mental state. Even though he clearly wasn't too close to his sister, watching Nason die first couldn't have helped either. Merely standing in a room getting blasted with whatever bad emotions Crion is pumping out was probably bad for Xanatos. Xanatos may be vulnerable to psychic damage from this shitty guy specifically.

I get that Jedi are supposed to rise above their attachments and fears, Yoda is clear in that he thinks putting Xanatos on this mission to his chaotic homeworld is necessary to "prove" his status as a Jedi. And I get that maybe someone even presumed Xanatos's personal connections might help the bad situation, more than it might be a flagrant "conflict of interest" in any way. But MAN, does it fucking suck that the Jedi (Yoda) are kind of like, "No, you can't do literally anything else to help people in the galaxy. You have to go face your past right now or else you can't be a good Jedi. We ARE going to judge you if you bow out and cry 'personal conflict'."

To be somewhat fair to the Jedi, Xanatos WILL need to be objective to be a good Jedi Knight and they don't KNOW that Crion is a warmonger, but Xanatos is clearly not ready to see him again, and apparently only goes on the mission because he's afraid that Padawan Orykan will replace him as Qui-Gon's student. He repeatedly accuses Qui-Gon of trying to leave him on Telos IV with his father, which is obviously a fear that's weighing heavy on his mind. Usually when a kid doesn't want to go "home" that badly, it's... indicative of something unpleasant in their home life?

At the end of the comic, Qui-Gon is like, "Oh, this situation is BAD. I was wrong to bring Xanatos here. We need to get out." But Crion is killed, Xanatos apparently has a mental break, scars his own face, and then disappears into the riots? And Qui-Gon apparently assumes that Xanatos has been killed? The execution is more than a little confusing. But yeah, Jedi need to rise above their personal shit, of course, but maybe prematurely exposing this supposedly telepathic / empathetic kid to what's potentially a bunch of deep-seated triggers to "test" him was a bad idea. (And personally I think that the comic is saying that it was a bad idea. Qui-Gon clearly regrets it afterwards.)

As far as I can tell, Xanatos's main crimes here were 1) being a huge snobby brat, partially because he has glaringly obvious rejection / jealousy issues, 2) like everyone else, not really knowing what his father was up to until after things had gone to shit, and 3) having a mental breakdown and attacking both Orykan and Qui-Gon, and ultimately failing to kill or injure them.

Xanatos is flawed, obviously, but he looks pretty young thoroughout these comics. Like, he looks like a teenager? Sixteen-ish? (Every shitty thing that Xanatos does afterwards in regards to Offworld Mining and trying to kill Obi-Wan will be on him, of course!) And I keep thinking about what a child being telepathic / empathetic does to their relationship with a Force-null parent... Especially when that parent is a piece of shit. Especially when watching them die violently. Involuntary magic has really got to suck sometimes...

[woodswallow]

RammWear

As I once stated in this post, I feel close to my favourite Rammstein members Richard, Paul and Schneider when I wear clothes that are inspired by their (stage) outfits. I love wearing my R+-merch of course, but for me this is a more subtle and everyday-method to have a bit of them with me :)

So, over the past 3 years, I was inspired by their style, bought clothes (sometimes secondhand) that resembled theirs and tried to mimic their style. Of course not every part – I only wanted stuff that I really liked, not for the sake of imitating them. I wanted clothes that are also MY style, but are inspired by theirs.

So lovely @vulnerant-omnes gave me the idea to do a little RammWear fashion-show, where I am showing my „ot3 <3“-style. Here's a first part of it:

First: My Richard-stage belt :D Daaamn, I LOVE it so, sooo much and I'm so proud of me that I found something, that resembles his stage-belts so nicely, but having also a bit more of a alternative/boho-style to it. It's real leather and is purely decorative, so not a real „belt“ - but it does accentuate the butt quite nicely – just like Richards ;D

Here's a reference picture, in case someone doesn't know what I'm talking about:

Second: My hommage to the Paul Landers stage outfit!

My god, I love his stage outfit so damn much! It fits him so well and in my opinion is very flattering to his body. I love all the pouches and the decorations, it has a very unique „industrial-/end of the world-style“, like from another planet. I searched for ages to find something that resembled this outfit and especially the pants. I found the original designer (Demobaza – damn cool, incredibly expensive!) and also a copy of that, which was „only“ half the price, so still damn expensive...and it didn't fit right, I was so sad... but I took some pictures anyway. So these are the copied stage pants, I send them back because they were too tight on my stomach:

But then I found a very nice second hand biker jacket in sweatshirt style. When I wear it with my favourite grey jeans, it gives me some Paul-Landers-stage-outfit-vibes...what do you think? It's definitely not a copy, far from that. But I'd say it's a low budget hommage, very my style and definitely made for everyday wear – which was very important for me. I don't want to buy stuff which looks great but I never wear. My mum complimented me on that jacket and I really love it :D

Third: My Schneider-necklace and Richard-ring!

Schneider has worn this necklace for years now. I saw it on him during concerts, photo shoots and even on private pictures. It must mean something to him. And I personally am a big fan of jewellery that is with you everyday, that you never take off. Like it's belonging to you. I have the feeling it's like that with Schneider and this necklace. I did some research about the type of necklace, it seems to be an anchor chain. Mine is made of titanium, very lightweight. I love the grey, not shiny colour and how it's unisex looking, not too feminine but also not too massive or "manly".

In the picture is also my Richard-ring. You probably/maybe know this very early VIVA-interview from 1995:

There the cameraperson has a really weird way of filming, and once he/she zooms on Richards hand. I noticed that ring and liked it very much, I think it suits Richard very well. Unfortunately I've never seen it on him again. But still, he wore it at that time. I found a similar one, it has some ornaments that his doesn't have, but I really love that ring – have worn it for almost 2,5 years straight now, everyday and I feel naked without it.

Please let me know if you're interested in seeing more like this (a „like“ on this post counts for me ;). I have some more R+-inspired pieces and could make another one or two posts :) !

[the-s1lly-corner]

Oooh idk if someone already asked for it but what about how TADC cast would react if they were under a mistletoe with their S/O

TADC cast x reader under the mistletoe!

i know i literally just said that i was going to post because i just came down from a little..... emotional high (negative) but i feel too guilty not answering stuff today so im probably going to answer this and a few more simply because im going to feel so guilty if i dont do anything today which is just going to make me feel worse than i already do so uhuhuhuhuh... jack stauber coming in clutch rn i know i usually answer stuff in the order of them being sent in but to do a silly compromise for my silly people pleaser mindset im going to knock out the ones that are easier for me sooooooo

CAINE:

oh you just know that hes the one who planted the mistletoe in the first place.... i mean as soon as he found out about the tradition, assuming he didnt already know.. i just know hes going to do whatever he can to get you under it. does he know that he can ask for a kiss? yes! but he wants to be festive and do some traditions and stuff! gives you the biggest "kiss" he can give you when you finally get stuck together under one... probably knocks you back a little bit from how enthusiastic he is...

POMNI:

very shy about it, i think she would give you a cheek kiss rather than a mouth kiss, especially if there are other people around. pomni doesnt strike me as the type to one to full on kiss their partner when theres an audience, so i hope you can understand her aversion! its not that she doesnt want to kiss you, shes just shy about the eyes watching the two of you... though, she would be more inclined to do it if it were just the two of you in the area!

RAGATHA:

honestly she looks like she would love christmas. i dont know why and i cant explain why. so i think she would love most of the activities and traditions surrounding it. and yes, this includes the mistletoe! i think for most of these, the mistletoe would be hung up by caine to really sell the festive mood.... and ragatha likely wouldnt have planned this, but inevitably you guys get under it at the same time. not as against PDA as some of the others, i think, so i think she would give you a very gentle kiss on your lips. very bashful if you beat her to it, though. kind of folds her hands together and digs her foot into the ground... you know the stance, hopefully.. kind of swaying a little while her face is burning up

JAX:

probably makes a big stink of it, whether trying to deny the kiss or to lean into it. i can honestly see both... does NOT let you be the one to initiate the kiss, since while he hates PDA, i think he hates it more when hes on the receiving end. say it all the time, its a vulnerability thing for him. he doesnt like other people seeing him flustered... now will a simple kiss from you make him pink in the face? probably not, but he would rather not risk it! plus, he wants to take this as a moment to tease you! will not let you live it down if you even get the slightest bit embarrassed from whatever hes going to do under that mistletoe

KINGER:

think i mentioned this in the kiss cam request, but kinger is not against giving you kisses when theres an audience. like he wont full on make out with you in front of others (ignoring the fact that he doesnt have a mouth, much less a functional one) but i am a firm believer that he and other characters with a nontraditional mouth just nuzzle into your face in place of kisses... hmm... probably make a big show of asking if he can go ahead, afterall hes royalty! whats a royal without chivalry! very gently presses where his mouth would be against your lips for a few seconds before walking you guys to where ever you were planning to go before someone stopped you and alerted you both of the mistletoe above. generally very sweet and dorky, i think

ZOOBLE:

does not like giving or receiving affection in public, the furthest they are willing to go is hand holding and simple name calling.... if no one is around when you guys are under the mistletoe, theyre more than willing to let you have your kiss, but if theres even one person around, theyre going to show a little aversion to it... on one hand i want to say that they might suck it up and lean into their "its whatever" attitude, but i dont feel... like that suits them, and on top of that whats the point if someone is clearly not having fun/not comfortable, you know? so theyre more likely to gently reject you... though i like to think that they make up for it by giving you a kiss behind closed doors!

GANGLE:

freezes like a deer in headlights when someone loudly announces that you guys stopped together under a mistletoe, the eyes of her mask going wide and her mouth just going straight... if she has her comedy mask, she might be a little less.. frozen, but not by much... but with her tragedy mask? nope, shes totally still and quiet, poor thing.... you almost feel bad, so really theres a chance you just take her away from the scene rather than kissing her.... doesnt like being put on the spot for things like that, especially if the person alerting you guys of the mistletoe is making a huge scene (either caine or jax... though with caine it would be more so lighthearted fun with no malice, whereas jax is just being jax)

[malenjoyer]

Hi!

I know right now may not be the best time to say this, but I'm kind of still processing how fast this all happened. As someone who likes to look over artists' past work esp my fav works daily and just suddenly noticed that they're almost all gone: twitter, instagram, and tumblr. It frustrates me that not only has this situation affected you, but how it really takes one selfish and inconsiderate person to ruin everything for others. I truly hope that you can heal from this and maybe we might see those pictures again, but this is just soo much to process. Just love and support for you <33333 🥹🫶😭🫶🫶🫶🫶

Hi. I’ve privated a lot of my work on tumblr and Instagram, so they’re not gone forever. I still have a lot of positive memories with them so I didn’t want to delete them. I wanted to keep all the nice comments and support I’ve gotten over these past few years.. I might unarchive them sometime in the future when I’m more okay with it being looked at. Twitter, I had no choice but to delete it, especially ones with dick, jason, and Peter Parker. My brain freaked out a little bit from seeing evidence of the person saving my art and making fake clip files with them. Logically, I am aware deleting my old art in response is stupid.

But it wasn’t limited to just comic art, it was other interests I had too which was really uncomfortable that someone would go to the extent of pretending they like other stuff I liked. They would also paraphrase tweets I’ve made about my personal life onto their own twitter. That just isn’t okay.

Every interest I’ve ever fallen in love with meant a lot to me. This is probably not publicly known information since I’m relatively private, as a depressed autistic person, a lot of who I am is what I end up liking. My friends and relatives describe me as dressing up like a cartoon character, because everything I like is so visibly obvious. I become utterly consumed in my favorite things. Suddenly, it feels like all of my control was taken away from me. My interests collected over the years were no longer just mine, it was someone else’s because they decided to lie and it was easier to continue lying. I don’t know how much was saved. There was a screenshot of a message with over 8+ of my art works sent excluding the fake files.

I don’t have control over it. The impersonation of my identity and my life experiences.

But I do have control over who gets to see what I put out in the future. I could probably write this better but I’ve rewritten a lot of things within these two days. Rewritten posts over and over so it sounds less aggressive, less hurt, less like I am trying to call for a witch hunt and more just taking extra precautions. I don’t think I have the energy to rewrite this to seem less vulnerable/pathetic.

I want to apologize to everyone who hoped I’d keep my past art public. I know how it feels. I’ve been fans of artists who just blew up their account one day and never came back. I only privated them on tumblr and Instagram. That’s all I can do. Honestly, I’m hoping a part of my brain just forgets some of this happened since depression does come with memory loss.. This post is now too long.. but I hope it gives some insight for what’s happening on my side of the brain. I appreciate all the support so far.

If you see me acting a little weird on twitter, I’m just trying to regain a sense of control over my identity.

[nothorses]

Well that was a lot of really creative ways to avoid saying donate to a Palestinian.

Hey, I understand the hurt and the panic you're feeling, and I'm worried about Palestinians too. I'm hurting too, and I'm worried too.

This ask sucked to receive. It hurt a little to feel like the effort I have been putting in to promote Palestinian fundraisers, particularly to double check that what I promote is vetted by someone trustworthy so that people do not lose more faith in the validity of these donation efforts on my account. More than that, though, this ask made me feel angry and isolated.

The post you're referring to is a post about local community support networks, and what I said on it was just a list of small things people can do to build local community connections, starting from 0. It's for people who don't think they have friends and don't know how to make them, or who don't know how they can translate friendship into material support and action that benefits the whole.

This ask made me feel frustrated that you don't understand that point, or the importance of it. Or maybe you do, and you weren't willing to see or engage with that point because of other feelings you were having. Maybe you chose to direct those feelings at me because you needed an outlet for them, and you weren't thinking about the impact your actions would have on someone else.

Donating to Palestinians is also good, important work. I have fundraisers in my pinned post for that reason. I haven't had time or energy to go through the asks I've received to verify, promote, and add them to that list in a while, and I feel bad about that! And it's weird to me that you think I'd avoid advocating for that after all the energy I've put into doing exactly not that.

And like, again, I feel bad that I haven't done more. Part of that is because my expectations for myself are too high, and I am a person who tends to feel guilty over stuff that I shouldn't feel guilty for. Part of that is because I really could be doing better. I just haven't figured out how to do that in a sustainable way yet; which also means getting over the guilt so I can redirect that energy into productivity.

I wanted to respond to this ask with the frustration and irritation I was feeling when I first read it. I'm choosing not to because, when I started drafting that response in my head, I realized that telling you off for guilt-tripping me in this hostile, unproductive way would be hypocritical.

Community connection is more important than ever right now. We need each other. We need patience, forgiveness, grace, and connection. We need to be vulnerable with one another, even and especially when it's hard. When it hurts.

I would have preferred you ask me why I didn't add a suggestion to donate to Palestinians in my response. Better yet, that you add it yourself! I would have been happy to reblog that addition, and receiving that as a reminder, or as building on what I said, would have felt encouraging. It would have made me feel more connected to you, more hopeful, and more excited to do this work. It would have made me excited to dig into my ask box and promote more Palestinian fundraisers, in solidarity with them as well as with you.

I understand why you didn't do that; it hurts right now. It's hard to make the choice to embody critical hope in the face of so much pain. I don't blame you for the guilt I feel, and I know I can't let that discourage me from doing work to help other people either.

I also know you're less likely to hear any of this than the uninvolved people who'll see it without feeling any defensiveness over this critique of your choices, and like, that's fine too. But I don't think I'm wasting my breath either way; I want to set an example in my community, promote connection, and promote the healing and growth that will allow us to do the hard work we need to do in the coming years. We're entering a fight, and we need to do it together, with grace for each other and the vulnerability that will allow us to connect and heal. We need to practice the future we're fighting for, and we have to start now.

[therecordconnection]

Some Thoughts Regarding James Somerton

I know I'm rather late to the conversation and some of these points may have already been talked about in some form elsewhere on the site, but if you don't mind, I have some thoughts of my own regarding the subject of hbomberguy's latest video and I would like to take time to voice. This blog is normally dedicated to music and music writing, not posts about disgraced Youtubers, so I apologize for the detour in regularly scheduled programming.

First, I think it's important to make the distinction that Somerton isn't just a case of "problematic Youtube guy got owned... twice" but rather a genuine case of academic dishonesty, which is several grades above youtuber drama. This isn't something like Tati Westbrook getting angry at James Charles for sucking dick and cock at a birthday dinner. This isn't Ethan Klein and Trisha Paytas or whomever having beef. It's not Charlie Critikal talking about some stupid drama of the day or someone just using Youtube videos to say a bunch of gross and problematic stuff. No. This is a fucking grifter who not only lied, cheated, and stole his way to the top, but also did it by using a vulnerable community that has long had their voices snuffed out and their history completely rewritten or wiped from existence altogether. What history he didn't plagiarize, he twisted and outright lied about. He just made shit up to suit his own gross agenda.

A lot of things about James Somerton left me absolutely livid, and I admit that I didn't even know who he was until hbomberguy's video. I think what makes me the most mad is that I went to undergrad and grad school with a number of jackoffs that were just like him. People that didn't give a shit about the art of writing and research and just treated academia and the pursuit of knowledge and how to critically engage with art and media into a stupid game that only chumps take seriously. Somerton pisses me off because I AM a writer. When I write the Ranting and Raving series of posts on here, that stuff doesn't just fly out of my ass. I have to sit with a song, study it, research it, and make sure I know what I'm talking about so I don't look like a clown. I also have to make sure that I link and credit where I'm getting information from. It's not just important for my own satisfaction, but it's important for anyone who stumbles upon a post on this blog and takes time out of their day to read it and/or reblog it.

I think that's the part that makes me the most mad. That he and Nick Hergott have so little respect for the work that goes into researching and writing about a topic that other people are really passionate about. Spending time with something, studying it, and figuring out an interesting and unique perspective on it is a great feeling. Sharing what you find or how you see something with others and having them either like or reblog your work is an even greater feeling. That's my writing that somebody enjoyed and thought was worth sharing with others. Fuck fuck fuck Somerton for thinking you can take a million little shortcuts to get to that result.

While I'm on the topic, I don't think Hergott gets a pass for Somerton's actions. I've seen some people make the argument that he isn't complicit and there's a chance that he genuinely had no clue that Somerton was doing this... but I don't buy it. There's no way he didn't know and wasn't in on it in some capacity. Even if he wasn't, as Todd in the Shadows pointed out in his video on this situation, Nick is, whether you like it or not, an accomplice to Somerton's lies and he is complicit in the blame, due to his name being included in the "Written By" credit of a lot of those videos with Somerton. The way I see it, I find it hard to believe that he couldn't have known. I imagine part of Hergott's signing on with Somerton was that in the event that shit hits the fan, Hergott would be used as a fall guy to help deflect accusations of plagiarism.

To return to Somerton, in a way, he's almost worse than AI/Chat-GPT because, really, an AI has no morals. It can only do what someone punches in and tells it to do. Somerton is a guy who does have genuinely insidious ambitions and knows fully what he's doing. That shit about "only the boring gays who didn't mess around in the eighties survived the aids crisis" is the wildest and grossest accusation I've seen about gay people in some time. The wild takes about the Nazis (especially all the wrong things he said about fitness relating to Nazis) should also raise a lot of red flags. I'll say this though, I don't blame anybody in the slightest for not fully realizing Somerton was saying shit like that or doing all of what he was doing until hbomberguy and Todd presented it a certain way and made it all very clear. It's easy to not notice it when Somerton buries it by ripping stuff off from other, better writers. So, if you were someone who was a big fan and was genuinely shocked by the things Todd had to fact-check and debunk and worried that you're a bad person for having not caught any of them, trust me, you're not. Nobody should blame you for not catching it. <3

While I'm ranting about this, I want to say that Somerton's patreon grift was really gross to see exposed as well (through Dan Olson's really great thread, which can be read here). I understand the allure of wanting to buy expensive gear and thinking that's somehow needed in order to make Good Content™️, but there's a stark difference between someone saying "I think I need to shell out a little money in order to get something of higher quality" and "I need to have the appearance of looking like my stuff is being made with high quality stuff." As someone who has been experimenting with trying to turn his writing into video, I did some audio tests this weekend and realized that maybe (just maybe) the old Turtle Beach microphone my brother left behind when he moved out isn't going to cut it. If I want to record something I can be happy with, I'm gonna have to bite it and look at getting something decent, but somewhat affordable from a Best Buy or something. You don't need the best tech in order to make something great, but you can't use copper tools forever if you have the means to be able to enjoy using iron ones, you know?

Somerton's grift reminded me of guys like Onision and Spoony. Grifters who looked to Patreon and other creator donation sites for an easy pay day and would bitch and cry and complain that it's your fault when they don't get it. Somerton making poor financial choices ON TOP of it being money that he scammed from a community of people that were looking to invest in a voice that they genuinely thought was speaking for them in a meaningful way, only makes the grift more disgusting and foul. Even if he's just "some Youtuber," Somerton still had a responsibility to his audience to present queer topics in an ACCURATE manner. He didn't and we all have the right to be angry with him about it. This isn't just silly youtuber controversy, this is academic dishonesty in it's purest form and if it gets you expelled from any college program, it should get you expelled from being able to show your face on Youtube as well, which is how Somerton's story will end.

I've been on the internet for many years. I've seen some of the worst, most problematic creators of all time find a way to bounce back from all kinds of controversy and find some kind of success again. I don't think that will happen for Somerton. Not one bit. What he's done is something you can never come back from, no matter how much you try to reform. If two different youtubers can make two completely different videos about why you suck, I don't think there's any recovery. What happened this weekend is a now classic episode of World's Most One Sided Fist Fights Caught on Film.

This post has gone on for a while, so let me wrap it up. I mean this without hyperbole and without exaggeration: James Somerton is a disgrace to both media criticism and the art of video creation. I genuinely hope he remains propped up as a cautionary tale of what can happen when you fully decide you have absolutely no respect for the Humanities and decide that lying, cheating, and stealing your way to the top, all while scamming and being incredibly shitty towards a community that has long suffered and is STILL suffering greatly to this day, is better than any kind of academic honesty. I understand that Somerton is just "some youtube fraud" to some people, but the problem lies more in what Somerton's actions and motivations represent. I really think hbomberguy's video on plagiarism is going to do a lot of good. It's going to help a lot of people avoid doing it as well as help people become more aware of what it really looks like and all the damage it can do.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. It doesn't really need to be said at this point, but make sure you support the queer voices and writers that did the work Somerton thought was good enough to just copy and paste into a video. They're the ones that suffered the most through all of this and my heart goes out to them, from one writer to another. <3

[babyseraphim]

i saw you say something about how trauma can make one appear autistic/etc (on the edwin post where steve yockey said he wasn't autistic), i was wondering if you could share a little more about that? it was interesting to learn and makes a bit of sense. /nf

I can try my best! I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD and in intensive trauma therapy for the last 3 years now, so I know some stuff, but I am in no way an expert. I'm just speaking from experience and what i've learned in therapy!

I think something to keep in mind is that things like C-PTSD and PTSD can delay the development of the brain - which is why some people actually consider C-PTSD to be a type of neurodivergence (though that’s not been medically confirmed). This is something that’s more prevalent in cases of very early childhood abuse, but I think that in Edwin’s case, given that he’s a teenager that went through 70 years of trauma, it can still apply. It can cause delays in social development (inability to connect with others and a persistent feeling of being an outsider being the two major effects), which results in difficulty in being vulnerable with others (though I think Edwin’s existence as a gay man in the 1910’s also plays into his difficulty with connection). There’s also a conversation to be had about attachment styles and how those come into play, but that’s a topic for another post.

People with C-PTSD can also have a very difficult time with change or unpredictability, because things being unpredictable often leads to an inability to feel safe. C-PTSD is developed by being subjected to inescapable environments that are consistently traumatizing for extended periods of time, and that trauma is often of an unpredictable nature (as seen with Edwin’s experience in Hell). In order to maintain some semblance of safety, people with C-PTSD can sometimes develop strict routines or habits that will provide a grounding structure to the world around them (sometimes reminiscent of behaviors associated with OCD and/or autism)

People with C-PTSD are also most often hypervigilant, which can lead to sensory sensitivities and sensory overload because of how permanently dialed in they are to their surroundings. I think that’s also part of what makes Edwin such a good detective; he notices everything. This can also lead to a heightened startle response, which is something we’ve seen from Edwin in the show.

this is by no means an exhaustive list, but here are some other traits that autism and C-PTSD often share:

dissociation

difficulty managing intense emotions

use of stimming to manage emotions

difficulty relaxing/sleeping

negative beliefs of self/the world

higher risk of repeated victimization

Hope this helps, and let me know if you have any other questions! I’m happy to share my knowledge

[kokusfluffyhair]

You, Kokushibou, and Your Koku-Plushie

(artworks found on Pinterest) Your adorable Kokushibou plushie came in the post and your demon boyfriend isn't prepared for it. + He doesn't know what to think of the thing. He might actually say "What the fuck is this?" (and that's very out of character for him -- the man never swears)

+ What makes it worse is that the plushie comes naked and with some clothes to put him in. So, your demon boyfriend is watching you with 6 eyes as you're putting the clothes on the plushie.

+ The expression on this poor man's face. He's so confused. Like this kind of confused:

(he does get some of the best expressions in the whole manga)

+ He can't understand how you got a toy that looks like him and can't understand WHY you'd get one. You have HIM, why are you getting a toy version of him? because it's adorable and smol

+ To make matters worse, you're giggling as you're dressing that KokuPuffs plushie and you aren't giving any of your attention to him. And he's standing at the door watching you.

+ It's safe to say, the poor man's getting jealous of that plushie

+ So, he tries clearing his throat. You don't care that he's there, you're too preoccupied with your new toy.

+ This probably never happened before. You're usually so attentive to him when he's around you. The demon's got to take some time to think.

(the man thinks a lot, so not much of anything new here)

+ You didn't notice him getting into his thinking mode, but even if you did, you would never think that he had anything particular on his mind. He's always doing stuff like that and it's his go-to way to be together with you without engaging in conversation.

+ But then you hear him finally speak

+ "Dearest." "What?" (you answer as you're still in awe over the toy) "My love, what is that thing you're playing with?"

+ You're really happy to turn around, showing him the (fully clothed) plushie, and saying "It's you, Koku!"

+ The amount of blushing this man does, oml

+ So he's blushing all over his face and looking at the plushie, which is looking back at him. He knows he looks like a fool, so he gets kind of angry.

+ "Am I not enough for you, Love?" (he speaks calmly, but you can tell in his tone that he's not pleased. At all.)

+ You aren't afraid of him. You know he would never hurt you. unless you cheat on him with Yoriichi You look at him with confused eyes. "What do you mean?" you ask him.

+ "Why do you need a silly toy of me?" "Because it's cute." "You have me." "I know that." "Then why is that here?" "It's a toy."

+ For some reason that silences him.

+ "Kokushibou, do you think I got this toy to replace you or something?"

+ He still says nothing.

+ You start laughing.

+ He's beet red (not that he stopped blushing much since he started, but he had gone from a red to a pink and now he's red red red)

+ You're still laughing at him because you're you, but you put the plushie down and go over to your demon boyfriend to hug him. You're not trying to get him more flustered at all

+ "Dearest, you know I don't handle teasing well," he says. You give him a squeeze, put your head on his shoulder and say, "Could I do this with a toy, Kokushibou?" "No."

+ He hugs you back and gives you so many kisses in your hair. He feels like an idiot, but it's okay. He knows that you love him for all that he is, including his awkward self.

+ "It can't replace you," you say. "But when you're gone a long time on missions, I can keep the plushie with me to remind me that you'll be back."

+ He gets tears in his eyes. You can't see and he will not let you see, but you can feel in his energy how much you touched into his heart. You don't say anything. You enjoy the privilege of being in his vulnerability and you let him hold you for as long as he wants (it's going to be a long time)

+ Kokushibou does feel guilty about having to go on missions and leaving you alone, but he's Upper Moon 1 and it's part of the job. So, he hopes the plushie will give you some comfort.

+ It still takes him a little while to get used to the plushie being around, though, and he asks for it to not be in bed with the two of you. It's no problem for you because why does anyone need a Kokushibou plushie in bed when they can be big-spooned by the real Kokushibou?

+ But one day, you find him playing with it himself, like it's his mini-me. He made a tiny sword for the plushie out of his flesh and tries to make the toy imitate his sword swings.

+ The plushie has become part of your family. Now it's his turn to somehow secure a plushie of you.

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: this was a request from @yukiimasked and it's basically where Karasu met manager!Yn's family. Post Blue Lock timeline, btw

Warnings: Reader uses she/her. Requests are open

⚽️Bleu lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura ⚽️

"Tabito, are you alright?" (Y/n) yawned as she walked into the shared apartment, only to find the pro-player frozen in the hallway.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. I am great, don't worry." Karasu gulped nervously and slowly walked to the living room.

'Was practice bad today?' She wondered and put her stuff away to follow him.

"I can tell from a mile away that you aren't doing well. What happened, Tabito? Did something happen at practice?" (Y/n) asked softly as she sat with him on the couch, hugging his arm.

'What is he so tense about? He was more relaxed during the World Cup...' She thought while waiting for the boy to finally speak up again. Karasu kept quiet for a good 5 minutes, looking around the room and at (Y/n). She really didn't understand what the issue was. Karasu was doing alright the whole morning.

'Was...was he maybe breaking up with me?' She gulped in fear as Karasu got up and out of her hold.

"(Y/n)... I... don't think I can do it." Karasu said, looking at her in desperation. Thr girl felt her heart break in two, afraid that her thoughts really came true.

"Wh-what?! Are you... breaking up-"

"No! No, I would never do that! You know I love you more than football even." Karasu said quickly, realizing that his wording was very bad. So, out of guilt for the distress he caused, Karasu walked up to her and gently took her hands into his, gently giving them a squeeze.

"I am sorry for what I said, what I meant was your family... They are coming over to Paris next week, and I am just too nervous to meet them." Karasu gulped as (Y/n) blinked a few times, relief washing over her form that this was his main worry.

"Oh, that. You are that nervous?" (Y/n) questioned, earning a nod from Karasu. It was rare to see him so vulnerable and distressed.

"Yeah, I really want to be with you! Heck, I want to marry you in the near future, but... but what if your father doesn't like me? What if he demands for a break up."

'Wow... that was a lot at once. Wait! He said he wants to marry me?!' (Y/n) felt a small spark of happiness light up inside her, but she decided to let this slide for now. Comforting Karasu was more important. She gently smiled and got up to hug him, something he gladly returned.

"Listen, I know it's an intimidating moment, I met your parents and know what you feel. Just know that I will be by your side, ok?" She smiled up gently at him. Karasu took a few minutes, but eventually nodded his head, kissing her on the forehead.

"Ok. I think I can do that."

A week later...

'I absolutely can not do this!' Karasu gulped as he sat across (Y/n)'s father and brother at the table. Isabella, her sister-in-law, and (Y/n) tried to make the situation less tense by some all talk, but it wasn't working as well as they expected.

"Oh! It seems like the chicken just finished cooking! I will check on it." Isabella laughed nervously and quickly ran into the kitchen. (Y/n) found the whole situation amusing for a moment, but then felt Karasu grip her hand under the table. She looked over at the boy and sent him a gentle smile.

"So, Karasu, what are your plans with my sister?" The two turned to look at the brother, who had a murderous look on his face.

"I am interested as well. Especially since she moved to France for you." Her father suddenly spoke up, which surprised Karasu a little. The man was quiet the whole night.

"You two are being too much now." (Y/n) sighed in annoyance.

"Uh... it's fine." Karasu spoke up as (Y/n) and the other 2 males looked at Karasu.

"Tabito..." (Y/n) gulped nervously as the other looked straight at the 2.

"I really love (Y/n), and words can never describe how much I do. I also can't properly express how much I want to be with her and protect her." Karasu took a deep breath, trying to ignore the intense stares from the older men. (Y/n) was meanwhile shocked at his words, he never said these things so openly.

"I do plan on marrying (Y/n) eventually, after we are both stable in our careers. I hope you all can eventually accept me into the family, I will be patient with that. I really want us to get along, if not for me, then for (Y/n). She deserves it, and much more." By now, the couple was blushing in embarrassment. Karasu didn't plan on being so open with his thoughts in front of (Y/n)'s family, and neither was she. But... she couldn't deny the small amount of happiness she felt from his words.

'He cares that much, huh...' (Y/n) smiled warmly at him.

"Aha. Well, I can't say I am happy with this relationship." The father cleared his throat, catching their attention.

"Dad-"

"But, I will give you a chance. I can see you love and care for her." The elder finished, earning a sigh of relief from Karasu and a grateful smile from (Y/n).

"Same goes for me. You have my approval for now, Karasu. But, if you break my sister's heart I will break your leg. Don't test me." The brother spoke up, his glare more intense at the end.

"I won't ever hurt her, so no need to joke about the leg breaking." Karasu laughed nervously.

"I wasn't joking." The brother said more sternly this time, interrupting Karasu's laughing.

"He really wasn't, Tabito." (Y/n) confirmed, caressing his knuckles.

"Oh..."

[valentine-writes]

boys don't cry

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, masc coded reader (kinda. no pronouns used!! but trust y'all i'll b writing masc reader stuff soon cuz I Need It), inconsistent lengths for each character i am Filled W/ Favouritism, kisses can be platonic (spider-noir part i love this man), reader is used to bottling emotions up, the spot's part is Not That Serious, characters all love u and wanna help :> 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. gwen stacy, hobie brown/spider-punk, jessica drew, lyla, margo kess/spider-byte, miles morales (1610 and 42), miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099, (spider-man) noir, pavitr prabhakar, peter b parker, and the spot/johnathan ohnn

author's note: this song slaps╰(*°▽°*)╯ also see other songs below which influenced this <3 u can slowly see me losing the slash srsness as the character progress,,, apologies. many :(( anyways!! had this marinating in my drafts so im posting. hopefully will get time to clear my inbox and fulfill reqz! tysm for ur patience lovelies !!!!（。＾▽＾）<333

“i try to laugh about it / hiding the tears in my eyes” – the cure, boys don't cry

“i didn’t want you to hear / that shake in my voice / my pain is my own” – car seat headrest, 1937 state park

“i don’t know why i am / the way i am, not strong enough to be your man” – boygenius, not strong enough

▸ GWEN, who all too familiar with what it's like to keep up a tough act for the sake of not falling apart.

she's grown accustomed to letting emotions eat away at her until they're too big to deal with. which is why she's quick to feel empathy when she sees that you do the same thing.

she won't force you to talk about anything you don't want to– but if you need an outlet, she hands you her drum sticks.

"maybe it'll help you like it helps me." gwen explains, giving you that awkward little smile of hers that makes everything weighing on you feel a little less heavy.

always trying to help you find a way to channel your emotions. even if drumming doesn't work for you. maybe it's singing. maybe it's art. or maybe you just need to cry. no matter what it is, she doesn't mind. she just wants you to let it out in a healthy way.

▸ HOBIE is instantly aware of the fact you're the type to laugh and joke around to hold back tears.

you're trying your hardest to keep smiling, but he sees it falter as you try to speak, choking out the words while holding back a sob.

"'s okay to cry, y'know? no one 'round here but us anyways." he reassures.

you take a sharp inhale, knowing it was useless to pretend. he was always emotionally intelligent, able to read you like a book. sometimes you wondered if he could read your mind. or maybe he was just attentive with you.

he puts a hand on your back, gently rubbing as you feel the tears run down your cheeks. this turns into an arm around your shoulder as you cry, until you're fully sobbing– he decides to just pull your into his arms.

he's still holding you close, even as your cries subside into sniffles. always encourages you to be real with him. there's nothing he loves more than you being unfiltered– even if it means expressing negative emotions. to hobie, vulnerability is bravery.

▸ JESSICA DREW who's quick to notice you the minute you turn away to conceal your face.

she pulls you aside discreetly, knowing you probably didn't want attention of others. tries to meet you eye-level, asks you directly about what's wrong.

after a few seconds of silence, you finally break.

"i feel so weak." you sniffle, not meeting her eyes.

"for doing a little crying?" she sighs a little, shaking her head. "not at all. you're strong– you've been strong. but even strong people gotta cry."

she'll talk you through it or just sit beside you, offering you advice or even just a space to vent. she's very busy all the time– but she'll set aside time for you. tells you that hiding from emotions only works for so long and that tells you that you aren't any less tough in her eyes for feeling them.

you're only human after all. you deserve to live out the wholeness of the human experience.

▸ LYLA isn't really all too involved with your day-to-day life shenanigans (being the best ai assistant is hard), but she always makes a point to check up on you when she gets the chance.

besides, miguel sure isn't gonna gossip with her like you do.

"you doing good?" she'll ask, grinning.

you only respond with a weak "yeah" and the fakest chuckle she's ever heard, as you clearly attempt to blink back tears.

she doesn't know what to do. tries to wipe the tears that eventually fall with a virtual hand that phases right through your face. well. at least she had good intentions.

"hey, hey–" lyla gets you to take a deep breath. "look at me."

she says your name, regrounding you. you look up at her, and for a moment, she's certain that she's felt something akin to sympathy. she's felt something real.

lyla doesn't let that distract her from her objective– right now, she's gotta comfort you.

she repeats your name, "...it's okay. you cry if you feel like it."

▸ MARGO who sits you down, letting you be the one to speak first when your smile wavers.

"i hate fuckin' crying.." you laugh weakly, trying to make the situation better. it doesn't help control the tears. "i feel so lame for it."

"you know," she whispers, taking your hands in yours, "i still think you're pretty cool."

she gives you a grin that's so earnest– so sweet– that lets you know she's being honest.

"okay, so this might be stupid,, butttt–" encourages you two to listen to some moody music so you can get whatever you've bottled up out of you systems. it's cathartic, crying your eyes out with her as whatever the two of you have queued up blasts in the background.

doesn't judge you one bit for crying.

"only way out is through." she shrugs. "gotta feel it before you can actually let it go."

▸ MILES (1610) who had just asked an innocent question about how your doing, now watching as you struggle to respond.

after a strained moment of searching for words, you shrink away and hide your face in your hands. he scoots by your side, asking before gently taking your hands away from your face.

"what's wrong?" his voice is soft. gentle as he looks at you with the sweetest concerned expression.

"i shouldn't be crying.. it's stupid... i feel so, so stupid–"

he frowns at these words. "i don't think it's stupid."

societal expectations forcing people to put on a tough act just to conceal emotions deemed as "weakness?" not a new concept to him. he's just sad that it's impacted you so deeply.

after this, will actively check up on how you're doing emotionally. will pull you aside to have a heart-to-heart if he senses the slightest thing off. terrified of being shut out by you, will always offer for the two of you to deal with whatever you're struggling with together.

▸ MILES (42) who asks more bluntly than he had intended when he senses you're not doing okay.

you take a sharp inhale, giving him an unsteady smile which only makes him sigh. no matter how much you try to make the situation lighthearted, his expression never changes.

"nah. you're not fooling me." he walks over to you, his voice softening as he looks at you. "...what's got you upset?"

a really good listener. lets you rest your head on his shoulder as you vent and let it out.

he's not the most open himself, so of course he understands– but he doesn't want you to be like him.

you thank him for putting up with your breakdown, feeling a little awkward as you pull your cheek away from his shoulder and look at him.

you watch as he falters for a moment, gently grabbing your arm and pulling you in for a warm, slightly stiff, side-hug.

"don't thank me for that– it's just what you deserve." though his quick to dismissal of what you'd said seems to be the end of his sentence– you watch as he unclenches his jaw, hesitating before he says something else.

"anytime. i mean it."

▸ MIGUEL who is jus like u for reals doesn't quite know how to cope with emotions either. that doesn't give him an excuse to not try with you.

he can't find the right words, but you see the empathy in his eyes. he offers quiet comfort– places a hand on your back, rubbing it as you lean into his side

"don't hide your face from me." he mutters to you. "it's just me."

your hands fall from your face into your lap, shoulders slumping. he feels you tremble softly, as you to reply.

"this should be for me to deal with. i should be strong enough." your words echo in his mind.

maybe because he's told himself the same thing too many times before as well. it's painful, the way that this moment with you reflects a mirror image of himself.

will crumble his own walls if it means you'll do the same. tries to be open to encourage you. you'll learn together.

▸ NOIR who is a gentleman through and through. always. tells you that he'll give you anything you need.

"i don't know what nitwit told you it wasn't okay for you to cry," his choice of words makes you crack a slight genuine smile, "but you don't have to believe them one second."

as your facade slowly crumbles, his gloved hands cup your face as you cry. he dries your cheeks, patiently nodding as he listened to you ramble on about everything you've been holding back.

when you've calmed down, he presses a kiss to your forehead.

to ache like this and still be concerned over burdening others– he's now finds little ways to remind you how precious you are to him. that he'll always care.

▸ PAVITR, who approaches you as delicately as possible. he tries not to do anything that will make you feel backed into a corner.

he knows that feeling scared can lead to lashing out. tries to be casual about it to ensure you're as comfortable as possible.

you crack an obviously forced joke and he glances at you questioningly.

"you're not telling me something, aren't you?" he asks. pavitr's secretly hoping he was good at playing this careful– but you had picked up that he wanted to talk to you about it for a while now.

you're both obvious.

your grin fades as you chuckle dryly. "i don't... i don't want to– it's embarrassing."

"what's embarrassing is that i didn't notice earlier. don't be shy. we can figure it out together, okay?"

offers all the help he can. even (secretly) messages gayatri for "advice for a friend" you!!! you are friend!!!!! he doesn't name drop tho. privacy king.

▸ PETER B(E MY WIFE) PARKER. the one who drags you outside to chat about it and cracks a stupid joke himself. it alleviates no tension at all.

"..ahh,, no, nevermind that kid. you okay?"

a shake of your head and his smile fades a bit. he grips your shoulder, shaking you gently.

"been there plenty of times. trust me– better to get it out now."

and for a while, it's just a conversation. you're both sitting outside, the night air bringing a chill to your skin. he offers his jacket– and then proceeds to pull you into it while he still wears it, your back pressed to his chest.

it goes unspoken, but he knew you had been struggling for a while now. he's relieved to finally get a moment with you.

he'll always be looking out for you. even if you don't realize.

▸ THE SPOT/JOHNATHAN OHNN panics ever so slightly. this is the first time you've ever cried in front of him. so he does what he does best– and just asks questions.

"you've been bottling it up this whole time?"

"mhm..."

"for how long?..." your response causes him to pause, blinking several times before parting his lips to speak again. "...oh. oh wow– yikes–" he means well i swear.

will scour the multiverse in search of a quiet place for you to lay this all to rest.

you admit, you're certain you don't need all this– but he seems happy to put in the effort and lead you into a portal into a nice area to relax.

"are we breaking and entering into someone's house?!"

"uh– don't worry about it for now."

[nthspecialll]

I saw what you posted about Arthur being Not Actually A Good Guy and you’re so right, he’s… not cool by today’s standards. However, I was wondering if you could go a little into Charles’s stance towards this stuff/whether he’s actually a good dude or not? No pressure, just curious as to what your thoughts on him are since I’m THIRSTY for analyses on my Favorite Guy <3

Charles Smith ethics analysis

Arthur Morgan was very easy to do this with because he is the main character and with the antagonize button we get to hear all his thoughts, we don't with Charles and he is especially hard to look into because doesn't talk much and we don't see much in a lot of situations were we could get to see his stance on women for example, so this is me and @heavenlymorals combined thoughts.

When thinking about Charles's in camp interactions, at least one I think about first is the one where he and Uncle are eating and Charles only really replies only with yes and no. At first I thought that maybe he just does not like Uncle, but then I discovered that he has a similar conversation with Lenny which goes like this:

Lenny: "Good food." Charles: "sure." L: "And fine conversation." C: "Why do you feel the need to talk so much?" L: "Why do you feel the need for silence?" C: "I guess I prefer people when I don't have to them to them." L: "Point taken."

This is especially interesting because Lenny does feel some sort of familiarity and safety around Charles at other points in the game so he is trying to talk to him but Charles does not feel the need to talk to Lenny. And the way that Charles shuts down Lenny is also quite rude and mean, I don't know if I will directly call it disrespectful but at least there is a missing link between his wants and letting people down softly.

Something else is that I always saw Charles as a bit impulsive and aggressive due to two instances, the bison hunters and when he throws Micah on the ground and later tells Arthur" next time he won't get up," however there is a conversation with Uncle that makes doubt his impulsiveness.

The conversation is basically Uncle calling Charles stupid due to the fact he doesn't talk much and Charles replies with "if the choice is folk thinking I am dumb but not knowing for sure or knowing for certain because I sound like you, I would rather keep them wondering." Now if we were really talking about an impulsive character, he would have acted out when being disrespected, this could hint at that he might chose to act out against these bison hunters and Micah because he does not like them.

Now why does it matter that he hurts people he doesn't like? Well he does say "I only kill when I need to" which doesn't sit completely right with the bison situation, yes they most definitely deserved it but it wasn't needed. A few other times we also see him hurt when it isn't essential.

In the grand scheme, Charles is at least not friendly towards any of the gang members other than Arthur until chapter 5 where he has to step up and in chapter 6 where he warms up to Sadie and John as well. He doesn't speak much to any of them, just kind of gives them the cold shoulder.

Charles is lost, he says so himself and says he feels he is on earth to cause hurt, if he wants to change that, talking nicely to people could be a good place to start especially because he is a criminal and in the grand scheme is he is going to hurt people so it is the small things he has to change.

Now to talk about other vulnerable minorities it is hard, we only really have one or two situations where Charles hints at his stance at women. He does seem to have some form of respect similar to Arthur for women, he respects the German lady and chooses to help her even when there is no need, but he also enjoys the company of working women in local towns which we can see in Valentine saloon where he literally leans over to keep touch with the girl for a second longer.

Now racism, I don't see any, which is not surprising considering that he is a person of color. He helps the natives a lot in chapter 6 even though it is dangerous for him because Dutch lashes out at anyone that breathes without his command, and we can actually already in chapter 4 have the chance of Charles coming up to Arthur and telling him he will be gone a few days to help Eagle Flies break some boys out of reform school.

One thing before we sum up to mention is that Charles is highly aware unlike some of the others, he knows the Van Der Linde gang is violent for the sake of money, and he doesn't try to cover it up with some ideal like Dutch does or say "oh it is for the better" or whatever.

To sum up, Charles seems to be a fair man because he is nice enough but he gives the cold shoulder to quite a lot of people who are just trying to be nice, and if he dislikes someone he isn't scared to act violently towards them. Now when it comes to minorities such as women or other people of color such as Chinese people who were hated by pretty much everyone during this time (I have to admit I don't know especially natives stance on Chinese people), I wouldn't feel comfortable saying he absolutely doesn't hold any "hatred" towards them simply because he doesn't talk. Does he respect them or is it because we haven't seen him in situations where he gets the chance to tell his opinion?

[furiousgoldfish]

(personal post, toxic friendship issue)

I'm having a reoccurring problem with a roommate, and I'm trying to write it down just to make sense of it, and see if this is something other people have figured out.

This person is younger than me, and also struggles with abusive relationships, emotional neglect from parents, and having their identity linked with academic success, so I naturally took the role of support, and this person happily took all the help they could get. I do feel I got over-involved in their life, I got invested in helping them get away from the abusive partner (which they did), and offered lots of consolation about the parents issue, and was just around whenever they needed someone, when they were sick, bored, struggling.

Sadly in return this person created more problems for me, like breaking my stuff 'accidentally', then not saying sorry or replacing it, even though I communicated to them that I can't afford new stuff, and that my possessions are all I have and I am bonded to them. They often made my emotional issues worse, showed no consideration or care when I was being hurt, and focused on talking about themselves even when I was in very apparent distress.

However this is not the reoccurring problem; I eventually banned them from touching my things and learned to pull away whenever I'm struggling myself. The problem is that this person will be nice, warm, polite, and I'll find myself making jokes and talking with them naturally, until at one point they want something from me - it's often that they need to unload all of their emotional issues on me, which can last up to 5 hours, and they know I'll comfort them because I physically can't stop myself, if someone in front of me is distressed my every cell is screaming to help them.

And then immediately after they're done doing that, they will turn cold and ignore me for about a week. This happened multiple times and every time I'm kind of baffled. When I have a 5 hour long deep emotional conversation with someone, I feel like we've gotten a little closer, I know stuff about them, I want to hear about how they're doing, and ask about their day, and would want to check in, see if they feel better after talking it out. But instead, they're now so busy they cannot say hi to me anymore, they go and have fun with other people instead, without telling me, without as much as looking at me. I think they start talking to me again only after they again want something.

And this makes me feel used. It's not normal to have that kind of vulnerable conversation with someone, receive comfort, and then just erase them out of your life. I'm realizing as I'm writing this that I'm describing myself in the role of 'comfort friend' where I only exist for someone when they need to be comforted, but this person is so sneaky about it! Because when they ignore me, I try to get distance, and I start to avoid them too, but this triggers me and creates tension in the air, and I can't stand living in tension. I emotionally spiral every time and start thinking of crazy scenarios like running away from here just so I don't have to look at them again. I live here!

So once they start being nice to me again I'm just, so relieved that things seem okay again. So I am nice back, and eventually it comes down again to them getting what they want and ignoring me again.

I thought about trying to communicate this to them, and to let them know how it makes me feel, but every time in the past I've attempted to communicate my feelings, they'd just ignore it, or get angry, act like I'm trying to guilt-trip them, or pretend it didn't happen, so I already have a picture of how they deal with communication they don't like; it's no use. When a person responds to attempt at communication with complete apathy you know they don't care to know this and they won't take it into consideration. And for me it would take so much courage to admit that I'm triggered to being ignored and shut out after offering support, and to be met with apathy and scorn would shut me down completely, I wouldn't be able to process that. My decision to not communicate is self preservation.

This person isn't going to stay here long term, they'll move out in a few months so this will no longer be a problem, but I'm struggling to know how should I possibly deal with this. It's so triggering I couldn't find anything good to do about it, I'm immediately trapped into this circle of having to help, and then feeling horrible and shunned by the cold treatment, especially when I haven't done anything to deserve it.

This person is also, aware that they don't have consideration for others, aware they just want attention, all the time, hates giving attention, will blatantly say no if I ask for anything, and is ready to guilt-trip anyone who asks them for something. They just don't care about it because it plays to their benefit.

What would you do in this situation?

[curio-queries]

I just read your I Am Still review and it makes me curious what namjoon's movie (not sure if its meant to be a docu?) will look like.

I know BH could do better in a lot of ways, but I do think a lot of the stuff tied to bts' solo promotions is really a reflection of where they are at artistically as individuals. Like I'm sure BH lays out a profit plan (i.e. we want an album, a video release, merch, etc.), but other than that, I do think a lot of it is up to them what direction they take. Like if they have something specific in mind or want to go waaaay more artistic, namjoon's solo seems to show that BH will put in the money and allow them to do that. On the other hand, I do think, if they don't have a direction in mind, BH just gives them the memories, in-house BH editor treatment (which could be better and they could at least get an actual docu director if they plan for a theatrical release, I know people felt this way even for Beyond the Star).

I actually love a lot of the songs on Golden (I'm a pop-whore through and through), but I do think jungkook hasn't quite found himself yet, or his unique artistic vision. And I think that flows into the content related to the album. I don't know if its controversial to say as a fan, but I think even calling the album "Golden" and then comments I've seen about the docu, it feels more like him trying to live up to his "Golden Maknae" status of mega pop stardom than necessarily finding himself in this album. And to be clear, those things don't have to be mutually exclusive! But I do think jungkook doesn't necessarily dig deep or get vulnerable in this album, so it doesn't surprise me that the docu might also feel that way. I also feel like this is why JPD might feel a little more cohesive, because I do think jimin is farther along in his artistic journey (being vulnerable, knowing what he wants to say as an artist even if its not fully polished yet, etc.). And this no shade to jungkook, I think all of the vocal line haven't had the opportunity to grow outside the group like the rap line has, especially the younger members whose entire artistic career/view has been shaped within a group setting. Finding yourself takes time, and trial and error. Sometimes I feel like jimin doesn't get enough credit for the fact that his first entirely solo project was so personal and he was so involved in the entire creative conception of it, especially for someone as reserved as him.

I am excited to see what Jin will end up coming out with (I love the The Astronaut song) and it'll be interesting to see the direction each member takes post military service. Even styling-wise, I'm curious what each member will do. I've hated jimin's styling for all of his solo projects (except the sparkly denim LC outfit) and most of jungkook's outside of SNTY. Please let the weird, ugly mullet, lego hair-piece looking stuff die and also extremely baggy clothes. I need fashion to have evolved by the time they get discharged because jimin should not need to be pulling up his pant's leg while he dances.

Hi anon,

Thank you for sending this in. I apologize that it's been ages, I got quite sick for a bit there and didn't have the energy to deal with tumblr. (Sidenote, the feed is kind of a disaster right now. I hope people can return to celebrating content again soon, I'm ready to stop unfollowing people every time I log in.)

Anyway, I'm so glad you brought up Namjoon's film because I'm so INTRIGUED. What are the criteria for this film festival? Is there any hope that it's been handled properly? What do we know about the director? Is this just another Hybe edit and they've strong-armed is into the festival? Is there going to be any way for us to watch it?

I don't really have any answers to these questions yet but it's kind of my only hope left of a decent film that's not just bangtantv content.

I actually really loved the idea of Golden being the album title and many of the choices surrounding it's release. Such great imagery and art surrounding his tattoos and just completely celebrating everything that led to JK as a person. But...it has very little connection to the actual music. Again, other than this idea that JK was actively pursuing himself as an extremely technically-exceptional singer, what does Golden have to do with the music? Other than one (possible coincidental) reference in STNY, this album could have been called anything. It's not the worst offense of an album but the rest of BTS's work has raised my expectations in having all sides of a release being exceptional. And this just wasn't for me. Not bad. But not astounding.

Also, can I say I'm so relieved to hear someone else voicing my same opinions on the styling for JM that last year. I absolutely despised the mullets and the baggy puts that he had to lift during choreo. Seriously anon, how did you get inside my brain?? I didn't mention this anywhere because everyone was gushing about it but it just pulled me out of it. Every.Single.Time. Can we be besties? Lol

Anyway, I'm sure I missed something in your ask. Still not feeling 100% but I don't want to delay this response any longer. Thank you so much for your patience!