#a nasty little look into the kim family household

[sgnjongin]

we live and lie by the skin of our teeth

                                     -the past-

the first time kim jongin ever sees song yoori, she is in the library and she has no idea he even exists at all.

he’s here against his will, the aisles of books and towers of silence spreading away from him in wave after wave, like ocean currents rippling steadily outward, unable to be grasped by him or his uninterested gaze. he doesn’t understand the allure of the library, the meaning of it, the swallowing quiet of it, as though all sound gets caught by proofed walls, the forest of decapitated trees a hallowed graveyard that demands stillness and hushed concentration; two things which have never been jongin’s strong suit.

even at fifteen, jongin is a creature of noise and fury, his teeth clicking together as though he’s biting at the air, his fingers fidgeting and itching across the spines of books, his feet threading him through one shelf, then another and another aimlessly. he’s making his way towards the construction section, the small, cornered space dedicated to the perfected lines of buildings and roofing and wood products over ceramics. he’s in no hurry to reach it though, only barely paying attention, not because he likes the library but because when he leaves here, he’s been commanded to return straight home.

home, where the pillars of his father’s voice echo inside his head like a death knell, home where the walls are bloodied aorta valves, pumping the disease of his life through every crevice and foundational brick, only to regurgitate it back up at him later.

he takes his time, seeing none of the books, meandering all the way to the back and then frowning at how small the section is once he finds it, how ill-kept. the high school library is prestigious enough he supposes, but apparently not flawless. he sighs and crouches to reach some of the titles, blinking a little stupidly at a few of the korean words– it’s been so long since he’s had to read korean instead of french.

french is a superior language and he misses hearing it daily, but that’s a bridge that’s already been burned. very literally to the ground.

he starts yanking books from the shelf one at a time after he reads the titles, no intention of putting them back, letting them clomp the three centimeters to the ground, the mess growing satisfyingly, but stops suddenly as he hears a giggle. he twists to look over his shoulder and then peers through the backless racks, spotting the crumpled form of another human on the far end of the aisle, a blue hoodie and a high updo on the head of a young girl.

his frown deepens as he struggles with opposing sides of his brain– one end telling him it’s not worth it to pick a fight with some nobody right now, don’t want to drop out of another school again this early in the semester; the other end suspicious and paranoid that she’s laughing at him. he can’t stand the idea of someone mocking him, he can’t let that slide– he still has a reputation to form for himself in this country, like he did in the last one.

he abandons the chaotic stacks he’s made of the books, their pages crumpled and forgotten against each other, to slide over closer to where the girl sits, finally able to see that she’s curled up on the floor, surrounded by her own towers of books, symmetrical and far more categorical than his. she has one open on her lap, her knees bent up to support it, one hand on the page, the other absentmindedly toying with her earring.

she bites her lower lip in an effort not to laugh again at whatever she’s reading and he feels a little silly for his previous self-consciousness. of course she has nothing to do with him, the school barely knows his name yet, he’s never met this girl in his life.

at this point, he knows he should leave her alone, and to hear him tell it years later, he will admit to only the first part of this story: that he sees her in the library, reading in the back like a nerd, and then goes about his own business, dismissing her in the same breath he’s found her in. unremarkable and bland, it would be a trivial, blank interaction, one-sided and dull, and not the point of this story at large.

he will never tell of the length of time he kneels here, watching her as she ignores him, watching her as she pours herself into her own little world, into her own closed off space, all the pieces of herself fully attached and unbroken, completed and unscarred. she sits there like she is her own person, not a shade or a crack to mark her, to tear at her edges, to poison her blood. he watches her for longer than he’ll ever admit in his life, knowing that she has good dreams at night when she sleeps, knowing that she has never had to harm anything living that loved her; no guilt, no horror, no spilled blood.

she looks like peace incarnate, and it punches a hole through jongin’s chest like a yawning pit of quicksand, the differences between them despairingly evident, and for one single prolonged moment, he doesn’t want to scratch the surface of her life with his taloned fingers, he doesn’t want to destroy. she sits and reads and he thinks she is a dweeb, but he also thinks he would set the whole world on fire to have just a second, a tiny, minuscule moment, of that same sort of peace.

**

tw: animal death

the second time kim jongin sees song yoori, she is standing on the other side of his dining room, a distinct contrast of solid colored clothing against the garish decorations of his mother’s household. this room in particular is a lavish green and bronze and wood trimming ensemble, overly ornate with intricate carvings along the walls, a fireplace, lush chairs, and a massive, beautiful oak table at its center, pulling all the elements together. it swallows up even the liveliest of guests, and the song family are no match for its heavy, overbearing tones.

yoori stands with her mother and her father off to one end, jongin with his parents on the other, the dining set untouched between them, and before any of them have even gotten past the amicable introductions, jongin knows what this is. his mother is all grace and softly spoken words, welcoming them with a dove-like presence, like a spider to a fly, while his father bows and stays stiff yet polite off to the side, but neither of them have to explain fully what deal is about to go down here, and how little a choice jongin will have in the matter.

he should have known sooner. he should have refused when they’d told him to dress well tonight, to expect visitors tonight, to be on his best behavior tonight. he should have picked up on the small, subtle hints his mother has been dripping on him lately, about girls and stability and plans for the future; about how he ought to look further ahead to see the greater picture, despite still only being a child by most of the world’s standards.

then again, he hasn’t been allowed to be a child in many, many years.

by seven, he’d watched all his toys go into the same fireplace that crackles and sparks now off to his left, their plastic figures melting and charring away, the pretty colors fusing into something brown and black and hideously disfigured. by ten, he’d come to understand that having no nanny at all was better than having the ones who screamed and ran from the house, ran from their money, ran from his father.

he glances down at the massive table in the heart of the room, the grains spiraling down towards the middle from the outer edges and remembers sobbing as he’d scrubbed it clean of the blood, suds and salt water mixing, his hands red and raw. his father had given him a dog for his birthday and let him keep it for a whole year, before making him kill it in the same place the cooks delivered and set down trays of food for dinner that evening.

“if you don’t do it, i will,” his father had threatened, his hiss tickling jongin’s ear, “and i’ll make it a lot more painful to watch.”

a few months afterward, they’d brought another dog home, fluffier, happier, innocent. that had ended badly too, but what stays with jongin the most is the way his father had looked at him, smiled at him encouragingly, each time he’d brought a new pet into the house, each time he’d introduced it to jongin, knowing full well where these roads would lead to. what he would make jongin do. over and over; a dog, a bird, a rabbit, until they’d given him a cat and he’d secretly released it into the wild, before presenting a knife to his father covered in his own blood instead. after that, he’d spent months convincing his mother to send him off to france for middle school.

when he looks up from the table, into his father’s eyes, that look is still there, that kindly, distant smile, almost a sneer, a darkness around his irises that mirrors jongin’s own potential for evil. go on, those eyes tell him, as they had too many times before, take your gift.

jongin looks at yoori, and sees not the girl in the library with pretty pink lips and an atmosphere of calm tranquility, her soft, long fingers, her fluttering eyelashes. he doesn’t see her determination or fortitude, doesn’t see her resentment or frustrations, doesn’t see her struggle or her resignation. he stops seeing her as anything that had belonged to him for a single, brief instant in a quiet nook of the school library only weeks prior, something no one would ever need to know about, something that would never touch her the way it touched him, never scar her.

instead, he sees her the way his father sees her, the way his mother sees her, and hates her for it. charming little song yoori, bookish and feeble, presented before him like meat on a platter ready to be carved into, cut from limb to limb, stabbed and butchered and strangled and drained. this is an offering to be slaughtered, an opportunity to prove what he’s learned in his fifteen years of life in the kim family household. his father’s eyes say go on, say take it, say if you don’t do it, i will.

and i’ll make it a lot more painful to watch.

jongin has a set of rules for survival in his life. rule four is to not flinch in front of his father. rule eight is to never love what can be killed.

jongin’s stare hardens into a seething glare, his atmosphere darkening like a thunderstorm. the hole she’d opened up inside him widens and deepens ever more. he hates her, he hates her, he hates her.

“nice to meet you, kim jongin,” she says to him, her voice crystalline and clear, unafraid and untimid.

“a pleasure,” he responds back, and it sounds like a threat.

[cicici03]

Who You Goin To Choose- Chapter 1

What’s up guys! So if you can’t tell this is my first Florian series and I am so excited because that is a fine, fine, fine white man! If you haven’t read one of my stories before, I like some drama! With that, this one is going be full of it! I hope you enjoy the first chapter of, Who You Going To Choose , and can’t wait for y’all to comment your thoughts!

Please comment, reblog, and like!!

Characters:

Florian

Kia

Ernest

Dominique 

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Wednesday, 11:50 p.m.

The five bedroom and six bathroom house belong to one of the top names in boxing as of 2020, Florian Munteau, and his wife, Kia Ford-Munteau. Kia was also well known due to her father, Ernest Ford, who made the first black owned grand hotel in Las Vegas: Black Wall Street. He name it that in honor of the massacre of Black Wall Street in Tulsa, Oklahoma to show that Black Wall Street is back better than ever.

In the master bedroom, you could here the bed frame hitting the back of the wall and the couple loud moans.

“ Big Nasty, right there baby!” Kia moan under her husband. 

Florian was pounding in her and not giving her any breaks.

 “ Fetiță , you better take it!” Florian stated with his thick, deep accent that was lower than usual.

As the couple started to get into it, Kia’s phone rang with the signature Kim Possible ringtone.

Florian and Kia both knew who was that calling her. That ringtone meant  her boss.

“ Flo, you know I have to get that!” Kia moan out more with her eyes rolling in the back of her head. 

Florain pound in her looking at his wife that was under him. With her eyes close and moaning, that help Florian drowned out the phone in the background.

With the phone stopping, Kia started to take control. As she start riding Florian, her phone started again making the same ringtone. Kia knew that was going to happen, so that why she made sure she was in control.

Kia hoped off Florian, who was a groaning mess, and picked up the phone.

“ Hi dad!” Kia answered the phone in a hush tone while looking at Florian in the eye.

Florian just looked at his wife of two years, and knew what was about to happen. Her father going to call her to come to his house and help him with something. With that, Kia would try and stay home, but her father talk her into to leaving the house.

Florian knew that Ernest didn’t like him when Kia and him started to first date. However, after they got married, Ernest made sure that he tried to keep Kia away from Florian by making  her check up on him or do work things.

“ Daddy, why can’t you let your new wife do it?” Kia questioned her father, and avoiding eye contact with Florian as much as possible.

Since Florian knew what Kia was going to do, he got out of the couple’s bed and went into the bathroom to finish his manhood.

“ Well, Kia, I want my babygirl to do it! Plus, her name is Alexis!” Ernest asserted the last part in with his gruff voice. Ernest looked at Alexis, who heard what Kia said. 

“ Daddy, I am not going to call that girl by her name! I can’t believe you would marry somebody that could possibly be my older sister!” Kia shouted back her father while putting on her leggings.

Kia’s mother died almost fifteen years ago due to a bad car accident. With that, Alexis came in the picture four years ago. She was three years older than Kia, 31, and was a showgirl for one of Black Wall Street musicals. 

One day, Kia and Ernest came to see the performance and it went on from their. Alexis actually had true love for Ernest, but Kia just saw a young girl trying to get her daddy’s riches.

“ Well if we want to talk about people that we married. Why you married what his name, Flo Rida!” Ernest roared as he got up from bed. Alexis saw that and knew that he was going to raise his blood pressure.

“ You know who you should have married! Dominque Powers! Dominque is the best neurosurgeon in the United States! May I also say that he is black!” Ernest shouted even louder over the phone.

“ Dad!” Kia shouted backed while looking at the floor. She knew that Florian also heard from the sound of the door opening as he said that. Kia looked up to the bathroom door, and saw Florian face.

Florian shook his and went to his side of the bed. 

“ Daddy, you know that you can’t talk about him like that!” Kia croaked out from the tears holding back in her eyes.

“ Well he can’t understand English no way!” Ernest threw back, with Alexis hitting him on his chest. Alexis truly cared for Kia and Florian’s relationship and it hurt that her husband was seemly trying to destroy his only daughter’s relationship.

When Florian heard that comment: he snapped. Florian got up from his side of the bed, and went over to Kia’s side. Kia saw as Florian walked over to her with anger bouncing off his muscles.

Florian tooked the phone out of her hands and spoked into the phone.

“ Well Mr.Ernest, I can speak English after all. With that, I find it very disrespectful to say that about your daughter’s husband! With that, Kia will not be coming over!” Florian angrily yelled in the phone and gave it back to Kia.

Kia looked at her husband like he is crazy. She loves when he is all hot and angry and it made her a little wet. However, she could hear her father cussing on the phone.

As Florian got back to his side of the bed and got under the covers, Kia put the phone back up to her ear.

“ Kia, you just going let that man speak that way to me! Kia, you better be here in the next hour!” Ernest screamed and hung up the phone.

Kia shook her head and put the phone down on her nightstand on her side. Kia looked at Florian, whom was just turning on the TV to watch ESPN talking about the fight that was this week that was involving him.

“ Florian, știi că nu poți vorbi cu tatăl meu așa!” Kia blurted out with anger and sadness in her voice due to her having to choose sides once again. (Florian, you know that you can't talk to my father like that!)

When Florian heard that, he turn and glared at Kia. He saw that Kia was putting on her shoes.

“ Kia, când voi fi prima dată în viața ta! El a fost așa de când ne-am reunit! atunci îți ridică fostul! Am fost departe de tine de două luni, pregătindu-mă pentru lupta vieții mele! Tot ce vreau să fac este să fac dragoste soției mele, în ziua în care ovulează și să rămână însărcinat��! Cu toate acestea, știu că soția mea va pleca la fel cum a spus-o tatăl ei!” Florian hollered out with him looking at Kia the whole time.

(Kia, when will I be first in your life! He has been like that since we got together! Then he brings up your ex! I have been away from you for two months, training for the fight of my life! All I want to do is make love to my wife, on the day that she is ovulating, and get her pregnant! However, I know my wife is going to leave just like her dad said so!)

Florian huffed out and turn back to the TV and turn it up. Kia knew that he was angry due to him replying back in his native langue.

“ Florian, you know I love you! However, my dad relies on me! So, I am going to go over there, and I’m sorry that we couldn’t make love like I wanted us to do too!” Kia yelled while trying to be louder than the TV.

Florian laughed to himself thinking that Ernest have Alexis, who is a sweet and genuine person that cares for him. Out of three of Ernest children, Kia is the only one that doesn’t cares for Alexis and Ernest knows that. With that, he know that Kia will come over to make sure that everything is okay at the house even when Alexis know how to do it.

Kia huffed and went to the seats at the end of the bed and grabbed her purse. She looks back at Florian, who was staring at her, and went quickly out the door.

Florian already knew that she was going to choose her father over him. 

She always did.

Florian looked back the TV and saw him and Brooks Jones on the screen. After the success of Creed II, a manager reach out to him about boxing due to them looking at some of his amateur tapes from Romania. 

With that, Florian became a household legend after he KO, Tito Jones, a person who had a 49 winning streak, but was ended by Florian.

After that, Florian been having him a winning streak himself: 9-0. This next fight would be hard one due to Brooks Jones being a dominant fighter that had to move to Florian weight class due to being “ dangerous”. 

He have KO ever last one of his opponents since the beginning of his career. 

As Florian watch the ESPN special on his fight with Brooks, he looked over to the other side of the bed.

He has been use to Kia choosing her father over him. However, now it was really hard for Florian to cope with it due to him and Kia wanting to have a family. Florian shooked the tear from his eyes and turn off the TV. 

With that, he turn off the lamp on his side of the bed.

All he could think of was how he was always second on Kia’s list to her father and she was always first on his.

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Thursday,7:30 a.m.

Ring

Ring

Ring

Kia woke up from her bed, to her phone ringing. She looks at the phone and see that Alexis is calling her. She put back on the nightstand and turn to look over and saw no Florian there.

She knew he wasn’t go to be there due to him having training at 4:15 in the morning to prepare for the fight in the next two days.

Kia layed back down on her side to go back to sleep. As she did that, Florian walked in their room. Florian walked over to bathroom without closing the french doors. 

Kia turn that way to looked at her husband. 

Florian, not knowing that his wife was looking, took off his shorts and briefs. With that, Florian turn the shower on and walked back to the sink to wash his face.

 Kia looked at her husband’s manhood with her bottom lips moisten. Florian went back into the shower to clean himself up.

Ring

Ring

Ring

This time Kia knew that she had to answer that phone because that was her dad calling. Kia relucantly picked it up and answered it.

“ Kia, my only daughter, I want to thank you for coming over to make that pecan pie for me!” Ernest shouted with much joy while in his office at the hotel looking over that Vegas Strip.

“You welcome dad, however you can’t just call me to come over to make a pecan pie in the middle of the night.” Kia mumbled to last part to her dad. Ernest sighed and got up from his chair and looked out side.

“ Did Flo-Rida, put you up to this?” Ernest demanded for an answer. Kia sighed and shook her head.

“ Daddy, no he did not! I haven’t seen Florian for two months due to training and we haven’t had much alone time.” Kia said with much sadness behind her voice. As she turn her head back to the bathroom, she saw Florian walking out with his towel around his waist.

She then looks up to his face and saw him looking at her. 

Kia was wearing a sports bra and sweatpants, one of Florian favorite outfits on her due to it being is accessible.

“ Well that is not my problem that he have to leave. One thing I know is Dominquie wouldn’t be gone for two months!” Ernest threw backed at Kia.

“ Daddy, we are not talking about that! I just see you later when I get to the office.” Kia said with annoyance from her father bringing up her ex. With that, she ended the called.

She looked back to the bathroom and saw no Florian there. She got up and put on her house shoes and went to the couple’s closet to see if he was in there.

She saw Florian’s towel on the floor, on his side of the closet, picking out an outfit to pick up his family from the airport.

Florian turned around and capture his wife’s eyes looking at him. He looks at her and then turned back around.

“ So we really are doing that Florian.” Kia snapped at Florian while going over to her side of the closet.

Silence.

With that, Kia turned around and looked to see her husband’s back and ass.

Kia knew that she going have to apologize and she knew the trick that always work.

Kia walked over to behind her husband and start tracing his back.

“I’m sorry Flo!” Kia mimicked to make her voice to go up a pitch. With that, she start rubbing down to his lower back.

She knew that he was tired and his muscles was aching due to his tough training.

“ Flo, I am truly sorry! I can show how much I am really sorry.” Kia purred out while starting to rub on Florian’s sides and then going down the front of his thigh.

With Florian still not budging, Kia had to move her plan to Level 3.

She start going for his manhood.

As she got to his manhood, she start rubbing his shaft in one hand and his balls in the other.

Florian stopped reaching for the shirt that he wanted due to his wife. Kia knew how much Florian loves handjobs. Even though Florian loves his manhood around Kia’s mound. He also loves her warm, small hands around his manhood.

“ I’m so sorry Big Nasty.” Kia whispered out while feeling Florian get hard. Kia then went back to kissing his back. 

“ Kia.” Florian purred out with his hands wrap behind him holding onto Kia’s sweat pants.  As Florian started to feel himself get harder, he went back to taking control.

He turn around and picked up his wife and put her on the counter in the middle of the closet. He went to kiss her lips fighting for dominance.

Florian of course won.

“ Are you still ovulating?” Florian ask in between kissing Kia. Kia hesitant and kept trying to fight for dominance.

Florian went down Kia’s neck and gave her love bits all over.

Kia looked at the clock that was on Florian’s side and saw the time, 8:30, which Florian was suppose to leave to pick up his family.

“ Florian you got to leave!” Kia moaned while enjoying the attack on her neck by her husband.

Florian stops and looked back the clock and realize that he should have been leaving ten minutes ago due to the Las Vegas traffic.

“ Shit!” Florian cussed while rushing to put on the clothes that he took out for himself. Kia sat on the chair and watch him.

Kia wanted to have a baby, but her dad was in her ear about Florian. Ernest told Kia that Florian could just want to have a baby with you and leave with the baby and some of her fourtne. 

Kia didn’t believe that, but it was always in the back of her head. Florian finish putting on his clothes and rush up to put on his shoes. As he was putting on his shoes, he looked at Kia, whom was looking out at space.

“ Prinţesă , what you thinking about?” Florain said while rushing to putt on his cologone. Kia snapped out of her thoughts and smile at him.

“ Nothing, baby, just thinking about me and you!” Kia shouted with happiness in her voice while walking to Florian. Florian turn around and wrap his hands around Kia’s waist.

“ How much longer are you ovulating?” Florian question while looking at Kia. Kia looked in his eyes and stated, “ Four more days.”

Florian smiled and start kissing Kia on the lips.

“ Well that mean after the fight I win. My prinţesă  and I will be making lots of love in this sound proof room.” Florian said in between kisses. 

“ Florian you better leave before your bother and Tata kill you for being late!” Kia laughed to move to the topic away from the statement. Florian let go and looked at Kia.

“ Well you are right! I see ya later and love you!”Florian kissed Kia on the cheek and smack her butt. Kia waited for Florian to run downstairs and out the door. Kia ran to the window facing the driveway and saw Masias, Sandro, and Florian driving away the three Mercedes Vans to pick up Florian’s family.

Kia ran over to her purse to find her birth control. Throughout the time Kian and Florian been trying for a baby this pass year, Kia have been taking birth control to make sure nothing happens.

Kia knew that it would hurt Florian to know, but right now is not the best time for them to have a kid due to Kia not wanting to hear her dad. Kia knew she was not doing the right thing, but she didn’t know if she should believe her father or not.

After taking the pill, she went inside her closet to put on her clothes for work. With that, thirty minutes later, Kia was done with all of her hygiene she left with her purse and phone.

However, she left her birth control on one of the seats in her bedroom.

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Kia drive up to Black Wall Street into her assign parking spot. Kia got out of her Merecdes G- Wagon and made her way into the hotel. 

As she walking to the elevator, she wave at every last one of the employees. Some of the employess at the hotel have seen Kia grown up in front of their eyes.

All the employees love Kia due to her fun and sweet personality and loves when she is at the hotel. Kia finally got to the elevator and went up to the office floor.

As she got to the floor, she was bombarded by her two oldest brothers, Sean and Ross.

Sean

Ross

“ Kia, what did dad’s favorite child do this morning to make him angry?” Ross snapped at his younger sister while walking towards her office.

 Kia sighed and shook her head.

“Well you are the favorite. From me being the gay son, which he don’t accept when people bring it to his attention. To Ross, not wanting to  own the family hotel!” Sean said in a matter of fact attiude.

As Kia got to her office, she went to her desk and sat down. She stared at her brothers as they walked over to her and sat in the two chairs in her office in front of her.

“ Well I hung up on him after he brought up Dominique.” Kia stated as she crossed to see her brothers’ reaction.

They were unreadable, which is rare because Kia could read them in a second.

As she was about to speak, Alexi walked into her office.

“ Hi you guys! Kia, ummm, you know your dad got diabetes,” Alexis stammered across her words, “ I think you should have not made that pecan pie for him last night.” Alexis finished with authority, like she practice this morning in the car.

Kia looked at Alexis and laughed.

Now, Alexis wasn’t expecting that and it made her angry that she laughed at her. Alexis looks towards the brother and saw that they shocked to by their sister’s reaction.

“ Well Miss. Thang, I am going to do whatever my father tells me to do and you can’t do nothing about that!” Kia bellowed with much anger against Alexis.

“ Well, will you let your father continue to ruin your marriage?” Alexis snapped back at Kia. That comment really got under Kia’s skin.

Kia got up from her desk, with Ross getting up with her to makes sure she don’t attack Alexis, she went to the door heading for her dad’s office.

Alexis was right after her, and all the employees watch the two women storm to the boss’s office.

“ I don’t think you want to go in there Kia!” Alexis shouted at Kia. Even though Alexis took the low blows from Kia, she didn’t want her to get hurt.

“ Why because my father is going to see your wrong!” Kia rebutted back Alexis while reaching for the door knob.

As she open it, she saw the person that was her first love, and first everything talking to her father.

“ Dominique!” Kia croak out with a look of surprise on her face.

Dominique turn around and got out his chair and walk to her.

“ Babygirl, still looking good!” Dominqiue replied back while for going in for the hug.

“ Ah shit, Florian is going to be piss!” Sean yelled out with Ross hitting him upside his head.

However, Kia was frozen, she didn’t know what to do.

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Welll then.....

Who is the villian in this? Kia? Ernest? Both?

Kia is still taking birth control behind Florian’s back!

What y’all think of Kia? 

What y’all think about Alexis?

The big shocker, DOMINIQUE IS BACK

Why is he is back? Did Ernest brought him back? Enrest trying to ruin Florian and Kia’s marriage?

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Hope y’all enjoyed the first chapter!!!! Please comment, reblog, and like!!!

Taglist: @l-auteuse @twistedcharismaaa @19jammmy @designerwriterchic @michelleteriney @munteanhore​ @ljstraightnochaser​

[laruna]

— interloper.

characters. lim yuri, min yoongi, kim namjoon.

word count. 21.1k

genre. angst, fluff, friendship, romance, slow burn

warnings. underage drinking, hospitals, car accidents, mentions of family issues

summary. when yoongi feels like an interloper, yuri reminds him that he belongs.

November 7, 2011. Big Hit Entertainment Building, Seoul.

While Namjoon signed his contract until earlier that year, he still had to wait until the dorms were built to move in. Yuri gave Hitman Bang an earful when she found out he had signed him as a trainee when the company didn’t even have fucking dorms yet, but Namjoon fully assured her that it was okay and quelled her rage long enough to stop her from biting the poor old man’s head off.

But it all worked out eventually. Namjoon moved in when the dorms were built back in August, and without the awkwardness that parental presence at his house entailed, Yuri invited herself over as often as possible, practically making the dorms her second home. 

It’s almost a kind of domestic bliss, the way her and Namjoon lived before, cooking for each other and cleaning up the shitty company building until they get so tired they fall asleep on the floor. Sometimes, if she’s really lucky, he’ll offer to let her share his bed. You know, since all the empty beds are going to be occupied by other trainees eventually, and it’d be rude to give someone a used bed, right? Of course.

It’s a Monday when they go to the dorm and actually find the bed across from Namjoon’s occupied.

“...hi.”

The new trainee’s name is Min Yoongi. He’s only a year Namjoon’s senior, but despite the closeness in age, he doesn’t seem willing to bond with them at all. If anything, he barely talks to either of them. According to Hitman Bang, Yoongi is from Daegu, and the only speaks so little because he’s still trying to get used to Seoul’s dialect and is embarrassed that his satoori keeps slipping out.

Yoongi only talks when necessary, like a coworker. They spend the first week or so not talking about anything but work—music, in their case—but even that they can’t be friendly about. Despite their similar interest in hip-hop, Yoongi and Namjoon have very different approaches to rap music. To music in general, really.

Yuri can’t help but feel as if Yoongi has kind of an edge over them. On top of being a year older, he’s also both a producer and a rapper. Yuri is only the former and Namjoon is only the latter, so it’s like he’s got the force of them both combined. She can’t help but feel a little bit small, next to him. 

When they argue about something in the studio, he tends to use this as leverage, telling them to just listen to him because he knows better about this kind of thing. That escalates into arguing, which usually consists of Namjoon and Yoongi yelling at each other while Yuri desperately tries to mediate the situation. The current tally she’s been keeping in her journal shows that Namjoon having won two arguments, Yoongi having won six, and Yuri having successfully distracted them from finishing eleven. She likes to believe that means she’s winning.

Hitman Bang begs to disagree.

He finds out about it one day when he comes to visit her when she’s alone in the studio. The old man never knocks before entering, Yuri notes the invasion of privacy with annoyance. Even so, he kicks it up a notch by glancing over at the journal she’s left open on the corner of her desk. He laughs when he sees the page headed argument wins, pointing to the to the tallies by her name.

“I’m not surprised you’re in the lead,” he laughs. “You’re a menace.” She cringes when she remembers his first impression of her. She wasn’t exactly… tactful about it, but it got the point across well enough. Now that he’s her boss, though, she worries it’ll give him more reason to check up on her, and she would rather selfishly indulge in having some alone time with Namjoon.

“I’m not!” she defends herself, flustered. “I just know better than to waste my time arguing with boys. My points are for when I stop them from arguing, okay? Not having to hear them try to bite each other’s heads off is a win for me.”

“Hm.” He purses his lips at that, regarding her with a look she can’t quite read. She hates how unreadable he is. Her instincts have rarely failed her, but the old man is one of the few people whose energy has yet to come to her.

“Don’t be afraid of fighting,” he tells her after a bout of silence. “They should be able to fight if they’re angry. You should let them fight, let them yell if they’re angry. Even fist fights are fine. It’s okay to fight. Fearing fights only makes conflicts grow bigger.” Yuri shifts uneasily in her seat.

“I don’t like fighting. I don’t like yelling. I don’t like fists,” she says. “I get enough of that at home.” She doesn’t mean for it to slip out, doesn’t even realize that it does until the old man makes that face.

“Oh, Yuri.” He says it more sincerely than she’s ever heard from anyone at the dad age.

“Oh my God, no,” her voice cracks as she speaks. “We’re not doing that. We’re not having, like, a moment. I’m not emotionally prepared for that. I’ll cry and I’ll hate you.” He just nods at that, before awkwardly clapping a hand down onto her shoulder.

“Just remember that you can’t solve everything between them,” he says. “Let them resolve some of that on their own. You won’t be around to resolve things forever.” It feels like a jinx, the way he says it, but she still nods along.

“Okay,” she says. Sounds like simple enough advice to follow.

“And try to befriend Yoongi, okay?” he adds. She wrinkles her nose. That one seems a little harder.

“Okay,” she says anyways. She’ll definitely try.

Namjoon wrinkles his nose when Yuri proposes inviting Yoongi to the Lim household.

“He doesn’t really know anyone else,” Namjoon rationalizes. “Wouldn’t it be a bit awkward for him?”

“That’s the point, dummy,” she says, “I think it’d help him learn to get along with everyone, is all. Including us, hopefully. I don’t know.” Namjoon sighs, if only because she’s been getting harder and harder to say no to these days. He’s not sure why.

“Alright,” he agrees.

Unexpectedly, it’s significantly harder to get Yoongi to agree.

“I barely know you guys,” he deadpans, and Yuri winces. The I told you so look that Namjoon shoots her doesn’t help, and only reminds her of how much she’s always struggled with making friends. 

Hoping to spare her pride, she persists. This is the only opportunity she has to have everybody over in a while—she doesn’t know the next time her father’s going to be working overtime and they’ll have the house to themselves. Knowing him, the old man would probably bite her and Kyunghee’s head off if he came home from work and saw everybody over on a daily basis.

“You can,” she offers softly. “Get to know us, I mean. Please?” 

Yoongi only raises a brow, seemingly unconvinced.

“We have alcohol?” she offers, but the inflection makes it sound more like a question. Namjoon smacks her arm at that, only for her to shoot him a look that says, What? It’s true! Awkwardly, she adds, “Also, um, free food.”

And that’s enough to convince him, apparently.

Yoongi looks starstruck when he first enters the Lim household, suddenly feeling very small. Or at the very least, smaller than usual. He was easily the shortest of the company’s trainees, second-shortest of everybody in the building, towering over only the perpetually tiny Lim Yuri. He almost has a heart attack when said tiny girl takes his shoes from him to put in the garage. It’s her big-ass house, after all. Shit, just being here makes him feel like he should be the one serving her.

Yuri and Kyunghee explain that their father is out working overtime and... doesn’t really say anything about their mom, but the others know better than to bring something like that up unprompted, so they don’t.

The alcohol is present as promised, provided by none other than resident adult, Ikje. Was it illegal? Yes. Was that going to stop any of them? In the words of Donghyuk, ‘hell nah!’

What terrible, terrible influences, Yuri thinks.

She’s never had alcohol before, nor does she plan to have it anytime soon. Not for any legal or moral reasons, mind you—with the amount of alcohol so freely available in her household, she could probably sneak as much as she wanted whenever she wanted. Personally, she just thinks it smells weird and makes her dad act like a crazy person.

She’s only fifteen, but they make it seem fun. They take the thin metal tail of the soju bottle’s metal cap and tighten it into a straight, brittle line. Everyone takes turns flicking it until Kyunghee’s fingers finally break it off. He makes a face when Ikje fills the shot glass in front of him with soju as punishment.  

Yuri doesn’t miss the way he side-eyes Donghyuk before downing it, like he’s trying to make sure that he’s watching. Like he’s looking for approval. She wonders if that’s how she looks at Namjoon. She wonders if that’s how Namjoon looks at her. He’s on her brain too often, these days. Namjoon, Namjoon, Namjoon. 

They’ve gotten even closer since they made up, and she’s learned a lot more about him since then. He’s still the stickler that refuses to drink in public where he could get in trouble, but he still still laughs and encourages the others’ antics in private, maybe even allowing himself a shot or two. He is also more than the sexless smart dude that she stereotyped him as when they first met, as she has come to learn through his awful, nasty jokes. 

She really was right when she said that he had a whole solar system in his head. Whenever he seems like he could fit into some mold, he immediately proves her wrong. Kim Namjoon is everything.

In contrast, Min Yoongi isn’t much to her at the moment.

When she turns over to look at him, she immediately feels bad for not really paying attention to him the whole night, especially when she was the one to have invited him. The only reason she’s even paying him any mind right now is because he’s just situated himself next to her at the table, as a now drunken Ikje has thoughtlessly occupied his previously-claimed spot. 

Yuri isn’t sure if it’s because he’s not comfortable enough to drink around them yet, but she finds the way he innocently refuses to drink is a little endearing in the same way she found endearing when Namjoon refused to do so back in Hongdae. Instead, Yoongi opts to eat his entire body weight in meat, and is on what she believes is his third plate of fried chicken wings. Respect.

It’s a nice environment, and Yuri really is still adjusting to the fact that this is actually her life. She has a solid friend group that eats and drinks and laughs and plays stupid games together in her house. It’s relaxing. It’s safe. It feels like home. They feel like home.

It’s when they hear her dad’s car pull into the driveway a couple hours earlier than anticipated that makes Yuri remember, oh yeah, home kind of sucks.

In the next few minutes, their living room descends into absolute chaos. Kyunghee moves to swipe all the food and shot glasses off the table and into the sink, Yuri helps load them all into the dishwasher, Ikje is scooping all the soju bottles up into his arms, and everyone else is drunkenly scrambling out the back door. Once they’re all collected, Ikje climbs out the back window, for whatever reason. She blames it on his batshit drunkenness.

Everything is in the clear by the time their dad steps in. The entire scene is inconspicuous enough, Kyunghee passing Yuri plates from the sink to load into the dishwasher like they just ate a nice dinner. They even go so far as to force awkward smiles for their father, but he simply nods at them in acknowledgement before rubbing at his temples and makes his way upstairs, clearly still stressed from work. Kyunghee breathes a sigh of relief when he hears his father’s bedroom door click shut.

“We’re good,” he says, clasping a comforting hand on his sister’s shoulder. “Go lock the back. I’ll finish up the dishes.” Yuri nods, before making her merry way off to follow her brother’s orders. She nearly jumps out of her skin when she’s about to lock the back door and sees a male figure standing ominously in the shadows instead.

She turns on the back light, and lo and behold, there stands Min Yoongi, eating a fucking chicken wing on her back porch. And he has the audacity to look surprised, like she’s the one who shouldn’t be there on her own porch. Heaving a sigh, she steps outside, closing the door behind her as quietly as possible.

“What are you doing here?!” she whisper-yells. “Why didn’t you go with the others?!” It comes off as more aggressive than she intended, but the last thing she wants is for him to get caught and in trouble when she’s the one that invited him over in the first place.

“Namjoon went to sleep over at Donghyuk’s place,” he explains awkwardly. “Ikje went to sleep over at Hunchul’s place and, uh. I wasn’t invited to either. Ikje dropped me off here from the dorms, so… I don’t really know how to get back to the dorms from here.” 

Yuri heaves a sigh. She’s going to have to give everyone a stern talk about the importance of camaraderie and the no-man-left-behind policy. After shooting a quick text to her brother, she uses the house key hanging off of her lanyard to lock the back door.

“I know Seoul like the back of my hand,” she says. “C’mon. I’ll walk you back.” 

“I don’t know how I feel about you walking back home alone so late at night,” he says. “It doesn’t sound very safe for you.” His genuine worry makes her heart warm. Those unexpected moments of sweetness he has always throw her off. Not in a bad way, though. It’s nice.

Unfortunately, the rest of the walk is significantly less nice. They spend the first ten minutes arguing over whether or not it really is safe for her to be walking back home alone so late. He feels bad that she’s out because of him, but she insists that it’s fine as she’s done so many times before. 

“Taking the subway home and walking home are two very different things,” he admonishes her. She resists the urge to roll her eyes at his patronizing tone.

“Relaaaax. I’ve got pepper spray,” she justifies herself. “Also, I hold my keys between my fingers.” She even holds up her hands for emphasis.

“I’m sure you could give a good stabbing if you wanted to,” he snarks. He doubts the tiny girl before him is capable of causing any physical damage, even with a deadly weapon in hand.

“Are you making fun of me?” she whines, and he snorts, because it really should be obvious. “I’m just trying to make sure you get home safely, and this is the thanks I get?”

Yoongi stops in his tracks to think about it for a moment, cheeks flushing with embarrassment as he does so. She obviously means well, as annoying as she may be. She’s also his junior, and when he thinks about it, he’s just being mean to her for no good reason.

“Fine. I’m sorry for being an ass,” he relents with flushed cheeks, more for his conscience than anything else. “It’s just that—I just like being alone with my thoughts when I walk, that’s all. You’re not annoying.” 

Or at least, not that annoying, he doesn’t say.

“I know I can be annoying,” she says so matter-of-factly that it makes him feel even worse. “And my brother can be the same way. He likes just thinking, too, so I can just be quiet if that’s what you want. I just want you to get home alive, that’s all.” His eyes soften.

“I’ll be fine,” he assures her. “I can defend myself if I really need to. I was on my school basketball team, you know. Boxing, too.”

“With these noodles?” she says bluntly, reaching over and taking hold of his arm. “And how did you get into the basketball team? Aren’t basketball players supposed to be tall?”

“You don’t have any right to talk about height,” he says, staring down all 150 centimeters of her frame as he snatches his arm back from her. “And my arms are not noodles just because I’m not built like The Hulk.”

“We can’t all be Kim Namjoons, I guess. He’s got biceps for days.” Yoongi gives her an amused look at that, and she flushes uncharacteristically. “Sorry. That was weird. Just don’t—nevermind. I’ll stop talking now.”

“No, by all means, keep going,” he teases. “As long as you don’t mind me telling him about it later.” She gasps at that, smacking him in the arm.

“Oh, so now you want me to talk!” she huffs, smacking his arm. “You will be telling him no such thing, Min Yoongi! You don’t even talk to him about that kinda stuff, anyway!” He laughs as he jumps ahead to get away from her playful smacking, smiling so wide that Yuri can see his gums showing. They’re cute. She decides that she likes them.

“You really like him, don’t you? Namjoon?” he chuckles, far too blunt for her liking. It’s a special kind of adorable the way that she so visibly shrinks at his words, he thinks.

“We’re not dating, I, um—” she sputters. “Is it obvious? That I like him, I mean.”

“Relax,” he says. “It’s not. Really, I don’t think he knows. I don’t think anyone knows except Kyunghee, and I only know because of him.”

“My brother knows?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck that guy.”

Yoongi laughs at her sudden vulgarity. She really got really blunt and fiery when she wasn’t thinking, even with her seniors like him. It makes things feel a little bit more comfortable.

“Relax,” he repeats. “I think he just knows you? Because he’s your brother, I mean. He was like, ‘I just have to tell someone and nobody talks to you so it’s okay.’ So I doubt he’s told anyone else.”

Yuri nods, inclined to agree. She’d never tell Namjoon about Kyunghee’s crush on Donghyuk, and she has enough trust in her brother to know that trust goes both ways. Still, she feels bad that the exclusion Yoongi goes through on the daily is so obvious, even to her socially-awkward brother. But she has her own relationships to worry about.

“Just don’t, like. I don’t know. Interfere in whatever is happening, okay?” she huffs. “You’re the only one who knows, as far as I know. I just… don’t try to plant any thoughts in his head, okay? I want whatever happens to happen naturally. Because he likes me for me, or something.”

“Spoken like a true romantic,” he says sarcastically.

“Oh, stop it,” she whines. Yoongi laughs.

“I won’t,” he assures her.

He doesn’t know when they started walking again, but it feels just a bit less awkward and stilted now. Yuri’s just a couple steps ahead of him, guiding the way. Wrinkling his brows, he stops dead in his tracks.

“This isn’t the right way,” he says. “You take a left here.”

“No?” she says. “The subway pickup is right here.”

“I’m not taking the subway, I’m walking, remember?” he says.

“What?!” she says. She didn’t mind the fifteen minute walk to the subway, but this was too much. “The whole way? The whole walk back to the dorms is like, an hour, Yoongi! Jesus, if I knew we were gonna be walking the whole way, I wouldn’t have come.”

“Well, you don’t have to walk me home if you didn’t want to,” he says. “You’re the one who offered.”

“I didn’t think you were a crazy person!” she huffs. “Why don’t you just take the subway?”

“I spent all my money on chipping in for dinner, how the hell am I gonna afford a subway ticket?” he snorts. “Look, I can walk however long it takes, but I can’t spawn food out of thin air like you guys can.” He tries to say it as casually as he can possibly manage, but the venom still leaks through. Her face visibly drops when he says it.

“Oh,” she says, her voice tiny. “I didn’t… sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Stop that. You’re being weird,” Yoongi says. 

He hates this part. He hates the pity looks he gets from rich people like the Lims who have year-long subway passes their father bought—who, by the way, probably gets to sit pretty in a big office telling other people what to do while overworked laborers like his parents carry the South Korean economy on their backs.

But he digresses. He doubts she’s the kind of person who’d want to listen to his long-winded spiels on the economy or the government or the Gwangju democratization movement, anyway. Really, he doubts she’s type to need or think about funds at all.

Much to his surprise, she does.

“Okay, but like—just to make sure—money for that kinda stuff isn’t an issue for you guys, right?” she asks. “Like, Hitman Bang is feeding you guys?” There’s a level of threat to her voice that reminds him of the story Bang PD told him when he first joined the company, of her marching into his office to make demands for her friend’s safety. Loathe as he is to admit it, the image of it is equal parts genuine and endearing of her.

And maybe that’s why he feels the urge to spill his guts to her so suddenly, then. Maybe it’s also the warm, almost disarming energy in the way she talks to him now that they’re finally speaking one-on-one, despite his previous assumptions. Maybe it’s how innocent her eyes look when they shine under the Seoul streetlights.

“You know, I… I used to make beats out of a studio in Daegu,” he confesses. “Most of the time, I’d get scammed out of them, though. The guys who went in and out of the building would rip my shit off or use them but never pay me back, so like… I didn’t make much. But I stayed there because I still wanted to make music and using the studio was cheaper than buying equipment on my own.”

“Oh,” is all she says, pressing her lips together in a thin line. It’s definitely not the kind of thing Yuri and her brother ever had to worry about, seeing as they were so well-off. Hell, they were giving away the shit that Yoongi was slaving his life away over for free.

“So I couldn’t really pay for food or transport that easy, you know?” he continues, against his better judgement. It’s the first time he’s ever talked to anyone about this, and fuck, it feels so good. He can’t stop himself. “In front of the studio, there was this Chinese restaurant that sold jajangmyeon for 2000 won, and down the street, there was this place that sold janchi guksu for 1000 won, and like… I don’t know. It sounds stupid, but I had to worry about that shit everyday. If I ate the janchi guksu, I’d be able to get the bus and if I ate the jajangmyeon, I’d have to walk 2 hours to get home. So. I don’t know. I’m just stuck thinking like that, I guess. I know it’s not like… a thing anymore, but I feel using public transport still makes me feel guilty.”

“Mm.”

“Sounds stupid when I say it out loud.”

“It doesn’t,” she reassures him. “I’ve just, um, never had to think about stuff like that. I’m sorry you had to, though. It sounds shitty.”

“Not your fault. Don’t apologize for something like that.”

“Okay,” she says, smiling up at him. “Thank you for telling me, Yoongi.”

“Uh. Yeah. No prob,” he says, cheeks flushing in embarrassment. His flush only darkens when she shoves a couple of won in his hand, and he realizes she’s been slowly guiding him in the direction of the subway station this whole time. “Wait, h-hey—”

“No, no, I don’t need it,” she says when he shoves the money back into her hands.

“But—”

“It’s fine,” she assures him, soft smile still gracing her features. “I’d rather not walk all the way back to the dorms. Just take it, you’ll be doing me a favor. You don’t have to pay me back or anything, either. It’s not that much, anyway.”

Yoongi frowns. As much as he wants to argue with her, he’s tired enough as it is, and he has no doubt she’d stay up all night just to stay here and debate this with him. 

“Okay,” he relents. She grins in what he believes to be triumph before gently taking hold of his hand in one of hers and placing the money back into his grasp with the other. She waits outside for the subway take off, like she’s afraid he won’t do as she says unless she sees it happen. When the train lurches to a start, he watches her figure retreat through the glass windows. 

There’s a stark contrast to her soft hands and the fussy way she thrust her money at him, he thinks. 

Lim Yuri is a strange, strange girl.

Namjoon jumps in his seat, startled when Yuri suddenly marches in, plops in to the studio chair next to him, and looks up at him with crossed arms and a very non-threatening scowl on her face.

“I have a bone to pick,” she says, and his brain immediately kicks it into panic mode as he rakes through his mind for anything that he could have possibly done to upset her within the past week.

Namjoon likes to consider himself a considerate person who wouldn’t want to upset anyone, but for some reason this feels different from pure consideration. At the beginning, Yuri was just Kyunghee’s kid sister who happened to help make good music. These days, though, she feels more like a peer than a junior, more like a friend than a dongsaeng. 

For whatever reason he can’t quite pinpoint, her opinion of him has become quite important to him as of late. The idea that he’s done something she disapproves of makes his hands sweat. Even so, he manages to keep his composure, nodding as calmly as he can manage.

“What’s up?” he asks, cringing at the way his voice cracks. The way she sighs as she scoots her chair closer to his amps his anxiety up to eleven.

“You guys need to be nicer to Yoongi,” she says sternly, “You all really excluded him last week. He said you guys all went to each other’s houses after bouncing out last week and he just had nowhere to go. Why didn’t you guys plan for that or something?” Namjoon droops inward, like a kicked dog.

“Sorry,” he says, face hot with embarrassment despite immediately trying to justify himself. “It’s just—it was just kind of weird because nobody is really close to him or anything. The only person he really talks to is Ikje, and they’re not really even friends. We didn’t know how to broach the subject with him, or if he already had plans or anything, you know?”

“You could’ve asked,” she huffs, “I mean, I walked him to the subway station so he could ride back to the dorms, so everything turned out okay in the end. But—”

“By yourself?” Namjoon cuts her off. “That’s dangerous. Did you walk back by yourself, too? That late at night? Something could’ve happened. Why didn’t you ask Kyunghee to do it?” Yuri shakes her head fondly at his worrywart antics, and he sighs in relief when she smiles. It’s a warm reminder that she’s really not that mad at him.

“You sound like my dad,” she giggles, gently shoving at his arm. “Stop that. I’m trying to be mad at you.” He can’t resist cracking a smile back at her.

“Sorry.” He doesn’t sound apologetic.

“Anyway,” she continues, her tone considerably lighter, “Yoongi and I talked a bit when we were walking to the station, and like… I don’t know. It just made me realize how excluded he really was from everyone else. So can you just talk to him more, or something? And please try to get the other guys to talk to him more, too?”

“Yeah, of course. But for future reference, you could’ve called for a group discussion for this,” he chides, playfully adding, “I thought you were just mad at me for something. I really thought I did something wrong and didn’t know about it. You gave me a heart attack for no reason.”

“Sorry.” She laughs shyly now that it’s her turn to apologize. “It’s just—you’re the only one who really listens to me, you know? I feel like the rest of the guys kinda just see me as a little kid. I mean, I get it, because Kyunghee is my brother and Donghyuk is his best friend and Ikje is old, but like. I don’t know. I don’t feel like they respect me like you do, sometimes.”

Everything she says comes out in that nervous, rambly tone that she uses when she wants to keep things light, no matter how serious it actually is to her. Namjoon frowns.

“Sorry,” he says again. She shrugs.

“Not your fault,” she says, “I think things are gonna get better with Yoongi around, anyway.” Namjoon raises a curious brow at that.

“Oh?” is all he says. Yuri nods, like that’s an answer.

“He’s cool,” she says. “He was a little rude at first, but he got really shy and apologized when I pointed it out. Can you believe it? A man! Apologizing! Men never apologize, Namjoon!”

“I resent that statement.”

“Shut up, man,” she teases. They both chuckle at that. “Anyway. I think that you should try to talk to him, if anyone. I can’t tell you everything he said ‘cause that’s his business, but I will say that you’re both really passionate about music, so I think you’d get along really well.” Namjoon wrinkles his nose at her idealism, not quite sure about that one. 

He supposes she’s sort of right, seeing as music is probably the only thing he and Yoongi can agree on. Even saying that is a stretch, because their very different methods of music-making lent cause to many studio debates. It’d probably be more accurate to say that music was the one field in which they respected each other enough to discuss things amicably. If the conversation wasn’t about music, they spent more time throwing passive-aggressive one-liners at one another than talking about anything else.

“I don’t know about that,” is all he decides to say.

“It can’t be that hard,” she says, pouting. “Yoongi is a nice person. And even if there are things you don’t agree on, you can’t deny that he works really hard. So at least try? For me?”

“That walk to the subway really changed you, huh?” he jokes. He’s expecting her to laugh or roll her eyes or smack him or something, but she nods sheepishly instead.

“He gives me good vibes,” she says like it’s an explanation.

“There you go with your vibes again,” he says. It comes out a bit more passive-aggressive than he’d have liked. 

The atmosphere is a bit too fragile for him to start another debate, but it bothered him that she could dislike people like Hunchul because of the bad vibes she got from him, yet expect everyone to drop everything and befriend Yoongi because he gave her good vibes. She says that it’s just her intuition, but he thinks it’s just an excuse. Even without him saying all this, though, she rolls her eyes when she picks up on his implications.

“Yoongi really is a good guy, okay? I can feel it,” she tries convincing him. “I actually saw him smile, Namjoon. And he never smiles! And it was all cute and gummy! I know he comes off as kinda cold, but he just seems soft underneath it all. I just think he’s a person who’s been through a lot.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have a crush on him,” he teases. For whatever, the prospect of that makes him more uneasy than it should.

“I’m being serious!” she whines, smacking his arm. “I’m not asking you to stop fighting or arguing with him or whatever if that’s what you want. Just… try to make up after you fight.”

“It’s just weird,” Namjoon admits sheepishly. “It’s not like I want to fight, so I don’t. Especially if it’s over something stupid. I just try to ignore the little things. But then all those little things pile up into one big pile of resentment until I get mad at him for something stupid and he thinks I’m crazy and I’m still mad at him and it’s weird.”

It sounds stupid when he says it out loud, but the way that Yuri purses her lips and nods in understanding as he speaks makes him feel a little less crazy about it all. She’s always been someone that people just feel comfortable around, and Namjoon himself is no exception.

“It’s not weird,” she reassures him. “Fighting isn’t bad, I don’t think. I don’t love it, obviously, but Hitman Bang said the other week that being afraid of fights is only gonna let stuff like that and make the conflict big and worse. All I’m asking is that you at least talk to Yoongi.”

She looks up at him with those doe eyes when she says it, big and hopeful and pleading, and he can’t possibly bring himself to say no.

“Alright.”

Ever since his talk with Yuri last week, Yoongi has been finding instant ramyeon cups in his desk.

At first, he thinks it’s a one-off thing, maybe Yuri’s apology for saying something she thought was insensitive because he made her feel bad and she needs to soothe her conscience. But once he’s run out, they quickly get restocked when he’s not looking, and he has to admit that it warms his heart. He didn’t expect his words to affect her nearly as much as they currently seem to. 

He appreciates that she doesn’t give him the noodles directly or even say anything about it. It lessens the guilt he already feels from receiving free food from his junior. Yuri doesn’t ask for any thanks or even any acknowledgement, not breaching the topic beyond asking if he’s eaten yet.

Lim Yuri, he’s come to find, is not as bad as he thought. A little naive, to be sure, but nothing like the selfish, spoiled little girl he’d conjured up in his head when he first met her. He feels bad for the image he’d once conjured up of her in his head, the little brat surrounded by shiny, foreign production equipment who was no doubt born with a silver spoon in her mouth.

Lim Yuri is kind and generous and even thoughtful when she wants to be. She feels too hard, so sentimental that she cries when a beat she’d been working on for the past six hours fails to save before her computer shuts off. He tells her she can just remake it, but she sniffles and shakes her head, saying that it just won’t be the same as the last one.

“That beat was, like, my baby, Yoongi,” she explained to him that day. “I can’t just replace it, you know?” He doesn’t quite get what she’s getting at, but nods anyways. Over time, he comes to find those weird antics of hers he once found annoying to be kind of… cute? Even if he doesn’t get them. Even now, as she whines cutely, all he can offer is a couple of comforting pats atop her head. He wishes he had more to give.

Maybe that’s the worst part of being the poor kid, he decides. Everyone is impossibly kind here, and he’s probably making an ass of himself by meeting that kindness with a cold distrust. So he brushes off their niceties knowing that he has nothing to give back in return, and thus is seen in a doubly awful light. He tries to comfort himself with the knowledge that at the very least, that prickly demeanor means that nobody is expecting anything of him.

After all, Yoongi doesn’t do well with expectations. He’s not the son his parents expected him to be, who’d get good grades and go to university in pursuit of a business degree or something before slaving away at a desk from nine-to-five everyday for the rest of his life, nor does he want to be. 

But he has to be something.

Hence why he’s in need of a job. Not one of the office jobs that his parents suggested, mind you, but a simple part-time job to hold him over on top of being a trainee so that he doesn’t feel like a useless moocher. Thankfully, he’s already got it in the bag. As expected, they can’t just hire anyone, so they’ve just got one little test for him before they can officially put him on the employee roster.

What he doesn’t expect is to run into Lim Yuri, numerous plastic bags in hand.

“Yoongi!” she shouts when they make eye contact, running up to him excitedly. He’s never seen anybody that excited to see him, even back home in Daegu. It makes his heart feel a little funny.

“Hey,” he says, “I didn’t expect to run into you. What are you doing? Are you alone?” As annoyed as she wants to be, she can’t help but be endeared by the concern she shows her, the same kind that he showed her back when she walked him to the subway.

“Well… yes. But it’s fine. I’m not a kid, you know? Don’t worry about me so much! Really, you just sound like a grandpa when you talk like that,” she teases, “I bet one of these days I’ll come into your studio and you’ll be sprawled over the floor because your back gave out or something.”

“Hey, Hitman Bang says I’m an old soul,” he jokes, a wry grin on his face. She rolls her eyes.

“That’s just a polite way of saying he’s surprised that you’re this young and already depressed,” she snorts, but he can tell that there’s no malice to it. Still, it’s so unexpected of her that he has to do a double-take before bursting out laughing. 

He doesn’t even notice the pedestrian light flash on until she links her pinky with his and walks him across the street. Surprising even himself, he can’t bring himself to really mind that much. In due time, he’s found himself growing adjusted to her touchiness. It’s kind of nice, when he thinks about it. It makes him feel a little less like an interloper. Makes him feel like he belongs where he is.

“It’s fine!” she assures him. He doesn’t look very convinced. “We’re in broad daylight, Yoongi. I just finished grocery shopping.” She lifts her bag-lined arms up for emphasis. “It was my turn this week. Kyunghee and I take turns with groceries since our mom isn’t around.”

“Makes sense,” Yoongi says. Now that she mentions it, they’d only ever mentioned having to avoid their father whenever everyone came over to the Lim household. He’d always just assumed their mom was out or at work or upstairs—never that she wasn’t around at all. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t curious about it, but it seems too heavy of a topic to pry about right now, especially when he already has somewhere to be.

“What about you?” she asks. “Where’d you come from? Or are you headed somewhere?”

“Work,” he explains. “Sort of. It’s just a part-time job. I haven’t technically started yet, but I’m going to. It’s a delivery thing, so I’m just going to test the delivery bike so that they can see that I actually know how to drive and won’t ride around like a crazy person.”

“Like a motorcycle?” she asks enthusiastically. “A real one? You know how to ride a motorcycle?”

“Yeah,” he says as nonchalantly as he can manage, secretly revelling in how much it impresses her. It’s cute of her, he thinks, the way she’s so wowed by the little things. It’s like every conversation with her is an ego boost.

“Can I come watch?” she asks hopefully, eyes glittering with excitement.

And how could he possibly say no to that?

It’s a little silly, how bouncing-off-the-walls excited she is when they get there. Even the old couple who own the restaurant he’s supposed to be delivering for are enamored with her, wrapped up in conversation about meat buns or something. She really is genuinely sweet with them, so much so that they barely take notice when Yoongi mounts the bike they’ve prepared for him to test-ride.

It’s an older Yamaha model, the ‘YD250’ on the scratched up by what he assumes can only be years of wear and tear. He thinks nothing of it as he revs the bike up to life, but before he can take off and begin driving, he’s cut off by Yuri’s voice.

“Hey, hey, hey!” she calls out. “You should be wearing a helmet!”

“It’s in the box,” the old man explains. 

“I’ve ridden without one before,” Yoongi mutters, resisting to roll his eyes at their safety concerns. And Yuri calls him the old person. Even so, he opens the delivery bike box mounted on the back of and reaches in to grab hold of the big black helmet so that he can put it on. “Happy?”

“Very,” Yuri says, sounding far too pleased for his liking. The old woman chuckles at their banter.

Yoongi takes off in a flash after that, quickly riding around the busiest blocks and most bustling streets a couple times, the image of Yuri’s enthusiastic eyes as he rode away on the motorcycle burned into his mind. It’s nice to be admired so deeply. It’s the only reason he’s still on board with the whole idol thing, after all. He doesn’t want to rely on his parents and their money for everything, though, so right now he just needs this job to help support his training. 

He’s officially got the job, they inform him when he gets back. They also tell him that Yuri has been vouching for him in the mere minutes that he was gone. She ducks her head to hide her blush at that, and he finds her shyness in the moment impossibly cute. It only intensifies when she pipes up.

“Can I join you? On the back, I mean?” she asks bashfully. “I’ve, um, never ridden one before. I just think it’d be neat. You can just take me home, if you want. It’s not super far from here, I think.” In any other circumstance, he’d say yes in a heartbeat, but she’s asking him this question in front of his employers. Thankfully, the two nod when he looks to them for permission.

He can’t but feel kind of mortified by the way the old couple coos at him when he takes off his helmet off and places it atop her head, taking extra care to fasten the buckle tight. 

“Cute,” she says. “But what about you?” It’s the little things like these that remind her how thoughtful and softhearted he is, even if he doesn’t really care to show it.

“I’ll be fine. I’ve ridden without one before,” he echoes his earlier sentiment. She doesn’t look convinced, but the old man speaks up before she can get a word in.

“Get your girlfriend home safe, alright?” he says, clapping his hand down onto Yoongi’s shoulder a little too forcefully. Both him and Yuri send each other an embarrassed glance at his assumption, but neither can find it in them to correct the old man.

“Yes, sir,” is all Yoongi says.

The ride back home is a lot less nerve-wracking than he had expected. Yuri’s soft from head to toe, he notes, like a little human pillow. Against his expectations, the feeling of her form pressed against his back throughout their ride in the city feels more comforting than restricting. So much so that he actually feels a little bit disappointed when they get to her house and she has to let go.

He helps her unload her groceries from the delivery bike box, watching as she takes every bag but one. He reaches in to grab it until he sees what’s inside—ramyeon. The exact kind that spawns in his desk every week. At that moment, he realizes that she left that specific bag inside on purpose.

“This is for me,” he says. It's a statement, not a question.

“Mmhm,” she replies. “It’s my favorite brand. It’s got that little egg brick in there, you know the one? These things are mostly carbs, so I think it’s a good source of protein. Good for building muscles.” He frowns, baffled as to how she can be so nonchalant about all this.

“You don’t have to keep doing this, you know,” he says. “I have a job now, so I can buy my own food if I’m ever craving anything beyond those cardboard chicken breasts Hitman Bang gives us.” Yuri giggles at that. “I’m serious. I’ve already gotta pay you back for the last couple of weeks. I’m not sure if my salary is gonna be able to keep up.”

“Hey,” she says gently, staring him down a bit more earnestly now. “You don’t have to pay me back for anything, okay? The ones I get for you are only, like, 1200 won per little cup.”

“Isn’t 1200 won kind of a lot?”

“It’s not,” she assures him. “It’s not that big of a deal. It’s fine. It’s really fine. It doesn’t hurt me at all. If it did, I wouldn’t keep doing it.” Yoongi pulls a face, not entirely convinced.

“You may not feel bad, but like—I feel bad.”

“Well you shouldn’t.”

“But I do,” he says. Yuri sighs.

“Yoongi—”

“It’s not just the ramyeon, you know?” he says, staring mindlessly at some spot on the ground. Anywhere but her face. It’s a daunting task when he speaks so earnestly. “It’s just—you do so much for everyone all the time. And I’m just—I don’t even talk to anybody.”

“Hey.” Yuri speaks softly, taking one of his hands between both of hers in what he thinks is an attempt to comfort him. Her hands are just as soft as they were that night by the subway, he muses. “You can’t blame all that on yourself, you know? I know the other guys aren’t the best at being friendly and inclusive and all that, but that’s not your fault. It’s more of a time thing.”

“A time thing?” he asks.

“We’ve all known each other for, like, two or three years before you came here,” she explains. “ So I think they’re just trying to get used to you? But they don’t dislike you! If anything, I’m sure they’ll like you soon. I mean, I already like you, so it shouldn’t be too hard for them to follow suit.”

“Okay,” he says, thinking nothing of the flush that spreads up to the tips of his ears.

Namjoon supposes that now is as good a time as any when Yoongi steps into his studio.

He doesn’t know why he’s so nervous. After all, Yuri points out, Yoongi is the one alone in Seoul with nobody to talk to. When she puts it like that, it makes them all sound like assholes. Maybe they are. But it’s fine, because Namjoon is finally going to be nice and converse with him about something not music-related. The bar is on the floor. All he needs to do is open his mouth and say something.

“We need to talk,” Namjoon says. He immediately knows he’s said the wrong thing when Yoongi’s eyes widen like saucers, anxiously backing up until his back hits the door like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. “Oh God, no, not like that. You’re okay. You’re not in trouble.”

“Oh. Alright,” Yoongi says, visibly relaxing.

“I just, um. I wanted to talk,” he repeats. “I feel like I’ve been… mean? But I’m not trying to be. It’s just that I’m supposed to be the leader, but you’re the hyung. “And you also produce a lot of our songs—which I’m really, really grateful for, of course. I just don’t know how to talk about things as a leader without seeming disrespectful. I try to keep my mouth shut about it, but I guess that’s how things like that build up, you know?”

“My mom gave birth to me,” Yoongi says, seemingly out of the blue, and Namjoon laughs. It’s that loud, booming laugh of his that always fills up the whole room.

“What—?!” he laughs incredulously.

“Let me finish,” Yoongi says, hopelessly fighting to the smile off of his face. “My mom gave birth to me. My mom is older to me, obviously, and she’s done a lot for me, too. And of course I’m grateful for that, but that doesn’t mean I won’t fight her on some things. Doesn’t mean I have to agree with everything she says, because I haven’t. Neither have you—if we did, neither of us would be here right now. We’d be like, I don’t know, doing cram school or preparing for university shit or something like that. I think I’d resent her if that’s what I was doing right now just because I wanted to please her. That’s why it’s okay to fight. If we don’t, then all that resentment just grows.” Namjoon smiles fondly at him.

“You really are an old man,” he chuckles, prompting Yoongi to raise a brow at him. “Hitman Bang said the same thing, you know? About fighting being good, since conflicts just get bigger if you don’t fight.”

“Well… he’s right.”

“Wiser words were never spoken,” Namjoon replies.

“So no more not-fighting?” Yoongi asks. It’s so ridiculous, the way he has to phrase it—but Namjoon nods, so he supposes that it gets the point across well enough. “We’ll try to resolve problems instead of avoiding them completely.”

“No more not-fighting,” he agrees. “Resolving things. Not avoiding them.” He holds out a pinky.

It’s a ridiculously silly sight, Yoongi thinks, the way Namjoon’s large hand offers out a pinky for what he thinks must be a pinky promise. Seeing someone as big as Namjoon do something so childish is unfairly endearing. He must’ve picked up from Yuri, he muses. Yoongi can’t help but laugh.

“Did you just giggle?”

“Huh?”

“That was kind of cute, hyung.” Yoongi flushes a dusky pink.

“…shut up.”

Yuri doesn’t come in late on Sundays anymore, Yoongi muses.

She always used to come in late on Sundays, which was a stark contrast to her appearances right after school on weekdays and her early morning entrances on Saturdays. He doesn’t know how he didn’t notice before, but he supposes it’s a good thing that he does now. It means that at the very least, they’re taking note of each other’s presence. 

Yoongi does think it’s weird, but for as curious as he is, he is not nosy enough to ask about it. Normally, it wouldn’t even cross his mind to do so, but with the talk he had with Hitman Bang last week about getting along better with everyone, he’s having second thoughts.

Yuri may not be a fellow trainee, but she’s still a member of their team. He only just started talking easily to Namjoon, so Yuri is easily the most comfortable person to talk to. After a rather heated internal battle, he gives in and brings it up to her.

“I’m glad you come in on Sundays, now,” he says, as nonchalantly as he can manage. “What cleared your schedule up?”

“Oh!” she says, pleasantly surprised that Yoongi is taking the first step in making conversation. “My mama worked as a vocal teacher before she divorced my dad and moved away, so my little brother Daniel and I would go over there to help her, especially with translating stuff since her Korean wasn’t very good. I used to go over to help the other lady who works there on Sundays since she’s nice and I liked singing!  But Daniel handles all that now, so I’m free to work here with you guys.”

That’s certainly a can of worms. He’s learned more about her and her home life from this single conversation than he did from the night he was over at her house, but he doesn’t want to make her uncomfortable by pressing further about the deep shit, so he keeps his digging as shallow as he can.

“You sing?” he says, and she flushes.

“Yes,” she admits. “But like. Not in front of other people. That’s scary.”

“Like stage fright?”

“Sort of,” she says. “It’s different. More like, scary in the sense that you have to share your art that you’ve poured all your heart and soul into for so long. Because then when people reject it or don’t like it, you feel like they don’t like you. On top of that, people also care about visuals and dancing and aegyo, and like… how am I supposed to fulfill all those categories?”

“I get that,” he says. He always knew that music would be a big part of his life, but he never imagined he’d be performing for other people. The thought of scrutiny had always made his stomach churn, but that’s basically all that idol life was. He’s not sure how he’ll handle it. “You don’t think you’ll ever be singing on a stage one day?”

“Maybe? I don’t know. Maybe one day,” she says. “Maybe if I was more… you know.” She grimaces as she makes a vague gesture with her hand.

“Mm-hm.” Really, he doesn’t know, but it seems like a touchy subject. 

He deems it better not to pry.

Big Hit and Source Music are due to debut a girl group soon, Hitman Bang says.

Unlike the boys, they’ve even got a name—GLAM. Yoongi, however, has yet to know the group’s trainees beyond seeing them in passing. After all, Source is the one handling all the management and promotion and all that fancy stuff. 

(Hitman Bang says he’d never be able to manage a girl group because he doesn’t understand women. It takes all of Yoongi’s willpower to stifle a laugh when Yuri says she’s not surprised.)

Meanwhile, all Big Hit has to do is help make their music. 

Yoongi feels a bit of pressure when faced with the prospect of making music for somebody else. Music has always been a very personal process for him. The thought of someone else interpreting his work was both exciting and overwhelming. While the prospect of someone interpreting his work or liking his work enough to perform it piqued his interest, the idea of someone either fucking up something he made or pitching his work to someone who’d only reject it was anxiety-inducing.

To his relief, that is not what he is currently doing.

At the moment, he’s currently mixing a demo for one of GLAM’s future songs, touching up the vocals so that they stand out above the instrumental’s bouncy synths. It has a nice vibe to it, he muses. It’s in English, but he understands enough of it to make out that it’s about getting ‘too close’ to somebody who’s supposed to be a friend. Hitman Bang must’ve purchased it from some overseas songwriter. He’s not sure why. It seems like it’d be an expensive process, and even after buying it they’ll have to translate it back into Korean. What was the point of all that hassle?

At least it sounds nice, Yoongi supposes. It’s a cute, pop-based little R&B track with airy vocals. The high notes are clear and smooth, with a distinct little squeak at the end of the high notes. It’s almost familiar, he muses, but he’s listened to a lot of music in his lifetime, so—wait a minute.

Yuri. That’s Yuri’s voice.

He recognizes those little squeaks anywhere, reminiscent of the whiny tones she makes whenever she’s being stubborn about something. It’s harder to pick up on when she speaks in English, which he supposes he should’ve assumed she’d know how to speak. He recalls Namjoon offhandedly mentioning that she was his English tutor a couple of times, as well as Yuri mentioning translating for her mom. Still, he’s never actually heard it come out of her mouth. It’s kind of jarring.

Against his better judgement, he asks her about it.

“Oh! Um, yeah, that’s me,” she admits, laughing sheepishly. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“It’s good,” he assures her. “Your voice is pretty. The lyrics you wrote are catchy. I bet you could be an idol, if you wanted to.”

“Uh-uh. I don’t think so,” she says just a bit too forcefully, “I’m perfectly content just producing for you guys. Seriously.”

“That’s selfless of you,” he says. She shakes her head.

“It’s actually a little selfish, when I think about it,” she laughs nervously. “To be honest, I think a big part of my support comes from living vicariously through you guys. Saying it out loud makes it sound kind of awful, but you guys are doing things I could only ever dream of doing. I’m just here to make sure you guys are as successful as possible at all the things you’re doing, you know? Even though I’m not actually, like, putting in all the work and being on stage and all that.”

“You could, if you really wanted to,” he says encouragingly. She shakes her head.

“I mean, I don’t think I look very idol-like,” Yoongi muses. 

“You do!” she argues. Poking at his pale cheek to emphasize her next point, she says, “White as sugar, just like old man Bang said. You’ve got that glass skin, you know?” 

“That’s because I don’t go outside,” he says, self-deprecating as ever as he swats her hand away.

“Oppa,” she whines in a way he thinks is unfairly cute of her. “Just accept the compliment, okay?” He rolls his eyes, but relents to her wishes anyway.

“Thank you,” he says.

“You’re very welcome,” she says, sounding far too pleased with herself. “Don’t be like that, okay?”

“Like what?” he says, wrinkling his nose.

“Well… you know. Mean to yourself about how you look,” she explains. “Namjoon is the same, which is sad. And also just not great for an idol, you know? You have to be at least a little confident in your looks, or you’re gonna be miserable every time the stylists dress you. It takes them longer than you’d think. Or so I’ve heard.”

“There’s not much to be proud of,” he deflects, not missing the way that Yuri rolls her eyes like that. 

When she raises her hand, he thinks she’s gonna flick his forehead or prod at his face again or something, but instead she places a finger on the tip of his nose. He furrows his brows together.

“What—”

“Your nose is cute,” she says matter-of-factly. He can’t help the strangled noise of surprise that escapes him at that, face growing hot as he flusters. “And your pale skin makes it easier to see when you blush, too. That’s a strong charm point as well, I think. You’ve got lots of charms.” He turns away, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Still, it’s nice to know that somebody thinks so.

Yoongi presses the end call button on his phone just a little too forcefully.

Another phone call, another argument with his parents. It was instances like these that made him not want to call them at all. He’s always in this limbo of guilt, grateful that they paid for his trainee contract while also being angry at the way they constantly voice their disapproval. He slams his phone down onto his desk in frustration. 

Apparently, it was louder than he thought. His studio door opens up a sliver, just enough for Yuri to peek her head in.

“Hey,” she calls softly. “Everything alright in there?” Yoongi pulls a face that makes it obvious that no, he is not alright. “Can I come in, then?” 

Upon his nod of approval, she files into the room, gently closing the door shut behind her. She walks over and settles into the seat across from his, sliding it over next to his so she can lay her head on his shoulder. Her touch is comforting, he thinks.

“Talk to me,” she says. “What’s wrong?”

“Sometimes, I think I should just… I don’t know. Anything to stop shit like that from happening,” he sighs. “My parents nagging me, I guess. Just go back home. Go to college. Get a nine-to-five. Have a nice family, or something.” And Yuri frowns, because she gets it.

It’s something she’s spent many days and nights comforting Namjoon over when he’s just had another argument with his parents over the same exact thing. She wishes she could relate or understand, or anything to comfort him—but she can’t. 

She’s glad the two can talk to each other about it now, but she can’t help but feel a little jealous that she can’t be a part of the conversation and can help them. She almost scoffs at herself for envying them being able to bond over their unsupportive parents. How fucked up was that?

Heaving a sigh, she hops up and takes a seat on the edge of his desk, careful to mind his production equipment. She swings her feet up into his lap, in that very casually touchy Yuri-esque way of hers. Impulsively, he brings a hand up to gently tap at her shin. She tries not to giggle at the ticklish sensation.

“Yoongi,” she starts, as seriously as she can manage. “Not to be, like. A downer or anything. But when your parents are gone, where would that put you? Stuck in a job you hate for no reason?”

“Six feet under,” he snorts, and she gasps.

“Not funny!” she whines, kicking at his hand. Her assault on his poor palm only gets worse when he bursts out laughing. “So not funny!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says, but he’s still laughing.

“I really am trying to be supportive,” she huffs, a bit less childishly, now. “But I can’t like. Get it, get it, you know? The only reason I have any idea what to say here is ‘cause I’ve had this talk before. You know, if you two tried talking to each other more about personal stuff, I think you’d see that you and Namjoon are more alike than you might think. I’m not going to spill his business, but. I’ll just say that I think if anyone were to get it, it’d be him. It took some coaxing from my dad, but both my parents are okay with me pursuing music, now. As long as I took the producer route and not the idol route, at least. But still. It’s a good start. I’m lucky. I’ve got it better than a lot of people do, I think.”

“Would you?”

“Hm?”

“Take the idol route,” he clarifies, looking down at her shoes. “If you were given the choice.”

Sometimes, Yoongi feels like he’s never been given a choice. It feels like he’s been given every setback in the world. He’s never had the support or the funds or the hunger for fame that so often accompanied those pursuing music. He can barely remember why or when or what began his relationship with music, but he so vividly remembers feeling it, feeling like music chose him rather than the other way around. He can’t help but wonder what someone who seems to have been given almost all the choice in the world has to say about the only restrictions she’s been given.

Not much, it seems.

“Oh, um, nah. I don’t think so,” she laughs nervously. “I’m just—I’m not really pretty enough?”

“You are pretty,” he says, too quickly and too naturally to be insincere. He doesn’t miss the way that she ducks her head to hide the flush flooding into her cheeks.

This must be the vague ‘you know’ thing she was always talking about, Yoongi muses. He really should’ve picked up on it from the moment she said she didn’t look very idol-like. He’s never been the type to kiss up, so he hopes she knows that he means it. 

“You’re so—stop that,” she whines, embarrassed. She half-heartedly attempts to kick at his hand again, but makes no move to try again when she misses. “You’re too much.”

“I’m serious,” he says.

“I know,” she squeaks, hands flying up to cover her flushed cheeks up in embarrassment. “That’s the embarrassing part. Get some taste or something.”

“Don’t be a hypocrite, Yuri,” he says, rolling his eyes. “You always tell Namjoon and I not to be insecure about appearances, but you act the same when it comes to yours.”

“That’s different,” she whines, “You and Namjoon are gonna be in front of the cameras. I’m gonna be behind them. I don’t need to muster up any kind of confidence for that. Which is good. Because I don’t have it.”

“Looks don’t matter to me,” he says flatly. “But confidence does. I’m not gonna hold your hand and tell you that you’re pretty all day, even if I think it’s true, ‘cause you’re not gonna believe it no matter how many times I say it.”

“Ouch.”

“Let me finish,” he continues, “Even if it isn’t your looks, you deserve to at least be confident in something. Your music, your grades, your music, whatever. You’re generous and thoughtful. Don’t let society make you miserable just because all they care about is appearances.”

Yuri doesn’t say anything, her face still buried in her hands. More than a little bit concerned at this point, Yoongi flicks her forehead through her bangs. 

“Hey, you good in there?” he asks. She doesn’t reply. Just sniffles. Oh, fuck. “Uh, sorry, I—” Yuri shakes her head, finally lowering her hands.

“Don’t be,” she laughs nervously, still teary-eyed. “That was one of the nicest things a boy ever said to me. You should be, like, a motivational speaker or something.” He snorts.

“I can’t give advice to like. People I don’t care about,” he says, grinning awkwardly, “I’d just tell them to get their shit together and I’d get fired.” Yuri can’t fight the smile off of her cheeks at that.

She’s sure she’d know that he cares through his Yoongi-isms alone, but it’s nice to hear it from the man himself. He wouldn’t be giving this advice if he didn’t care. 

Min Yoongi cares about her, and it makes her heart feel warm.

Lim Yuri has become an unexpected addition to Yoongi’s delivery sprees.

Yuri’s arms, small and gentle, have become a comforting presence as they wrap around his waist. The old couple doesn’t seem to mind the extra person joining him on his trips, content with her politeness and the fact that she isn’t demanding any money despite providing help. They coo about the highs and lows of young love whenever Yuri arrives to join him on his trips, and Yoongi can’t find the energy within himself to correct them.

Things go on like this for a long time, hours, days, weeks, of this halcyon. Her arms keep him warm in the winter and her cold hands keep him refreshed in the late months of spring. The old husband hands them a bag of leftover food for them to eat together, an wistful smile on his face. 

They eat in the midst of impromptu therapy sessions, which usually consist of Yuri comforting Yoongi as he complains about his problems. It’s okay, though, because she likes to give advice and she likes how deep his voice is when he talks and she doesn’t have many problems of her own to complain about, anyway. When she does talk, it’s always lighthearted, talking about a song she wrote or something dumb Kyunghee and Daniel did or how cute Namjoon’s dimples were on that particular day. 

One day, curiosity kills the cat, and Yoongi asks a question that’s been killing him from the start.

“Why do you like Namjoon so much, anyway?” It’s something Yoongi asks out of the blue, so much so that he doesn’t even realize he’s asking it until it slips out. He’s not sure what he’s expecting until she answers, and when he does, he realizes that his expectation was literally anything but what she says next.

“No reason,” she says, and he’s so thrown for a loop by the words that leave her that he practically stumbles over his feet when he hears them.

“Wait, seriously?” he says. “I’ve read your lyrics, you know. You’re good with words.”

“I am?” she says, sounding far too surprised for his liking.

“Yeah. Which is why I thought you’d have a way better answer than that,” he says. “I expected you to talk about…” He pauses as he sifts through his brain for all the things that he personally finds attractive about Namjoon. “…I don’t know, his dimples or his height or his good grades or something.” All things that he lacks, Yoongi muses with insecurity.

“Oh my God. Those are all, like, great and all, but they’re not like… why I like him,” Yuri giggles. “He’s just—I don’t know. There’s a lot of things about him that make me like him, but I can’t, like, come up with an itemized list. It’s not like one day he reached a quota in traits I liked and suddenly I liked him. I just realized I did. I just… felt it. It felt right. He felt right.”

“Oh.” Yoongi feels a pang of jealousy at that, like an itch he can’t scratch. Maybe it’s because a tender part of him can only dream of being loved so dearly.

He silently wonders what it would be like to be loved by a person like Lim Yuri.

Namjoon has been feeling himself growing fonder and fonder of Yoongi in these past months.

Finally learning to talk to him without being all weird has helped with that. Without the formalities, they’re both able to speak a lot more freely. In the time that they’ve done so, the two have been able to talk about and bond over their rocky family situations and their choice to pursue music.

What’s fueled his fondness more than anything, though, is Yoongi’s little habits—the way he runs a hand through his jet black hair as he shyly recommends jazz and art study because they seem like the type of thing you’d like, Namjoonie, the way he always wears those grey jacket and sweats because they’re warm and winter is starting to trickle in, the way he smiles with his gums just like Yuri said he would.

Those two have gotten impossibly close lately, Namjoon notes. Now, he doesn’t think he’s the most perceptive person in the world, but it’s hard to miss the tenderness in their actions. Every time he steals a glance in their direction, they’re exchanging knowing glances or whispering softly to each other or linking pinkies in the way that Yuri loves to do so much.

It’s only natural to conclude that Min Yoongi and Lim Yuri are involved.

He doesn’t know why it bothers him so much. It has no reason to, right? But it does. He combs through his mind for any possible reason that it should. Maybe it’s because Yoongi, who’s agreed to be more honest with him, hasn’t told him about it. Maybe it’s because Yuri, ever perceptive, has been one of his closest friends for years and yet seems to have no intentions in telling him about it despite how painfully obvious their interactions make things.

The familiar sting of loneliness rises sharply in his chest when he sees them interact, like they’re in their own little world, with seemingly no room for him. He feels like he’s spying on their relationship when he shouldn’t be. He feels like a voyeur. He feels like an interloper.

Maybe this is how Yoongi felt when he first came to Big Hit, he muses. If this is how he feels just watching him and Yuri, he can’t imagine having to watch everyone who’s known each other for years talk and laugh together from the outside. The more he thinks about it, the more he feels selfish and ridiculous for being so bothered by it. After all, who was he to meddle in their affairs?

Maybe it’s high time he finds one of his own.

Yuri’s sheets are soft, Yoongi thinks.

They’re at her house today, Yuri not feeling very keen on having this conversation in the Big Hit building for fear that Namjoon might walk in on them while they’re talking about him. Right now, she’s half-heartedly producing something on her bedroom computer and venting to Yoongi as he lies on her bed.

She rants about how Namjoon has been talking a lot about girls lately, clearly bothered. She especially seems bothered by the fact that Namjoon won’t let her be as touchy with him as she used to be. Normally, Yoongi wouldn’t give a damn about other people’s affairs, but things are different, this time. While he’s not personally bothered by it, he doesn’t like the fact that it bothers her so much, for whatever reason he can’t quite pinpoint. 

Dear Lord, she even goes into detail, describing each and every pretty girl in a way that is far less flowery than he believes Namjoon would speak about a girl.

“And then there’s Jieun, who they all say is a good kisser. What does that even mean? Like, what the hell makes someone a good kisser? You just jam your lips together, right?”

“You’ve never been kissed,” he says, more a statement than a question.

“Yes?”

“Kinda late, don’t you think?” he says. Yuri gasps as she smacks at his arm, clearly mortified.

“No it’s not! Shut up!” she says indignantly. He’s trying to take her seriously, but her squeaky little whines make that hard.

“Sorry—” he tries apologizing through his laughter.

“You don’t sound sorry at all!” she whines. “It’s not funny, okay? It’s fine! I’m still young!”

“You’re sixteen already!”

“I’m only sixteen!” she huffs, crossing her arms and turning away from him. “I-I have time, okay? We can’t all be heartbreakers, Min Yoongi.”

“Heartbreaker?” he repeats. “I haven’t had a girlfriend since middle school.”

“I never said you were one,” she defends herself.

“You implied it.”

“I—whatever!” she huffs. “I’m saving my first kiss for someone special. And it’s gonna be somewhere magical, like under the cherry blossoms at the Goyang Flower Festival or on a picnic blanket under the stars on New Year’s or something.”

Oh my God. He’s trying so hard to stop his laughter. 

“Did you swallow a fucking romance novel?” he laughs. “My first kiss took place in the hallway after gym class, so like. Don’t be surprised if it sucks and you mess up and slobber all over them or something like that.”

When he turns to look at Yuri, she looks incredibly nervous. She’s come to a still in her spinny chair, nervously pulling her hair over her face as she ponders his words with utmost seriousness.

“Do you think that?” she asks, voice small.

“What?” he asks. Wordlessly, she sighs, wheeling her chair backwards over to where he’s lying on her bed. She cranes her neck back onto her bed, coming face-to-face with him.

“Do you think I’ll mess up my first kiss?” she says softly. Not that she needs to speak anything but—she’s so close he can feel her breath against his nose. He pulls away, face aflush.

“You’ll be fine,” he mutters, voice cracking. 

Yuri gives a huff, seemingly dissatisfied with his answer. She hops down from her chair—there’s an inherent cuteness in the fact that her feet don’t touch the ground when she sits on it, Yoongi muses—and up onto the bed, right next to him. He rolls his eyes when she settles onto her knees and urges him to sit up, too. He obliges, in spite of his annoyance.

“What was your first kiss like? Aside from the whole being in the hallway thing?” she whispers, like they’re telling secrets. There’s nobody else in the house but Daniel (who’s probably got his headphones cranked up to a hundred percent), so Yoongi can’t help but find her antics endearing.

“My first kiss was just a kiss. Nothing bad. Nothing mind-blowing,” he says with a shrug.

Even that’s a bit of a stretch. They were both gross and sweaty and their teeth clacked together. But he already feels kinda bad for making her doubt herself so much, and he doesn’t want to aggravate her worries.

“So how did… did you just…” she gestures awkwardly with her friends as she trails off, unable to articulate whatever she wants to say. He gets it, though. He always does.

“You just go for it,” he says, “It’s the kinda thing you just feel your way through. Just don’t think too hard about it. You’re good at doing things without thinking, so it should go well for you.”

“Gee, thanks,” she says, rolling her eyes at the back-handed compliment. “It’s just—I don’t wanna mess up in the future if I ever… you know.”

“Just say kiss,” he teases. “It’s not as sacred as you’re making it out to be. It’s just lips-on-lips. If humans never decided it was a thing to kiss people you liked, it wouldn’t be important at all. It’d just be an exchange of germs.”

“It’s important to me!” she bristles, so aggressively that it throws him for a loop. She takes note of her overreaction, coughing awkwardly before returning to her normal volume. She repeats, “I-It’s important to me. I just want it to be nice. I don’t wanna be disappointed. And I don’t wanna be someone else’s disappointment. That’s why I’m asking you this.”

“What are you asking?” he says, raising a brow.

“Augh!” She buries her face into her hands, miserably failing an attempt to hide her flushed cheeks. Peeking through her fingertips, she gently continues, “Just… hypothetically… purely for practice reasons… it wouldn’t count as my first kiss if you could, um. Help me. Try. Practice. I don’t know.”

The room goes impossibly quiet. She can’t say a word after that, the pair just staring at each other in awkward silence, him impossibly floored at the suggestion. Their faces go blank as Yuri processes what the hell she just did and Yoongi processes what the hell just happened.

When it all finally clicks, Min Yoongi has the audacity to fucking smirk, gums showing and all.

“Practice,” he repeats, no lilt to it, no bite. His attempts to remain straight-faced are to no avail, because her pouting up at him is all it takes for him to burst out laughing.

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” she yells, pushing him back down onto the bed. “Just forget it! Forget I said anything!” She hooks a leg over his waist, pinning him down before grabbing a pillow and smacking him as hard as she can with it. The pain does little to quell his laughter.

“Get off!” he laughs in-between smacks. “You’re too much!”

“Are you calling me heavy?!” she asks, more fake-offended than anything.

“What—no! What the fuck made you think that?!” he tries to sound indignant, but he’s still laughing, and before he knows it, she’s laughing too. When the laughter subsides and the room goes quiet, they both realize what kind of situation they’re in. Yuri’s still got him pinned down, having just talked about first kisses. Kisses in general. Having just proposed that they kiss. The air goes tense.

“So,” Yoongi says, cutting through the silence.

“So.”

“I didn’t. Uh. I didn’t say no.” He has the decency to look embarrassed, now, cheeks flushed and eyes blown wide. “Unless you don’t want to.”

The two stare at each other for a moment after that, like they’re waiting for the other to back down. A Clint Eastwood-style duel of the eyes, so to speak.

“I won’t start something I can’t finish,” she says decidedly.

She leans in as promised,

presses her nose against his—

“I’m sorry!”

—and promptly places both hands over his mouth.

The motion isn’t harsh enough to hurt too bad—only a light sting—but it is very sudden. Yoongi blinks up at her a couple of times in surprise just to reassure himself that whatever that was actually just happened.

“I’m sorry,” she repeats. “For um��yeah. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this? Because, um, you know. If someone asks me when my first kiss was, I’ll have to say, ‘Oh, it was on my bed at like, 11PM when I was in high school. A-And that already makes me sound terrible! And then when they ask with who, I’ll have to say, ‘Oh, just with my friend that I work with so I could practice kissing for the future since I was in love with our friend!’ And that’ll be my stupid goddamn answer! And that’s… that’s, um… that’s kind of not very romantic…”

Her voice tapers off towards the end, quieting in what Yoongi thinks is embarrassment as she takes his hands off of his mouth. It really does sound kind of ridiculous when she says it out loud. Maybe Yoongi was onto something when he laughed at her for sounding like she ‘swallowed a romance novel.’ To her relief, his next response is anything but patronizing.

“Hey,” he says, “Relax. Don’t apologize for changing your mind, that’s just—that’s just weird. Don’t force yourself to do shit you don’t want to. That’s weird.”

She’s so close. They’re still nose-to-nose, breath tickling each other’s lips every time the other speaks. He awkwardly pats the back of her thigh a couple of times, which she reads as a signal to roll off of him. She obliges. Even though she knows he doesn’t mean much by that little touch, the intimacy of it still makes her blush. Thankfully, he can’t see it with the both of them laying back down onto the bed and staring awkwardly at the ceiling above them. Yoongi pretends to find interest in the faded glow-in-the-dark stars on her bedroom ceiling.

“Okay,” she says.

“Okay,” he repeats.

“Sorry,” she says again.

“It��s fine,” he reassures her, because as mortifying as the situation is for them both, it really is fine.

She blindly reaches her hand out to find his, feeling around until their fingers meet. When he fondly links his pinky in hers, the way she always does with him, she decides that a kiss isn’t the kind of thing she should be rushing into, anyways.

Yoongi just assumes it isn’t weird.

After all, Yuri settles against him so naturally, her face buried into his neck and her studio chair sidled next to his as he sits at his desk and works on mixing what he hopes will end up being a song on their first album, whenever that comes out. Were it not for the way that her breath hit the sensitive skin of his neck, he would barely even register that she was there.

Well. Maybe not barely.

She’s so warm, the way she presses against him. She’s always warm, except in her hands, but it’s fine because his hands are always colder. Her cold fingers thread through his hair, and it reminds him of how accustomed he’s become to her touchiness. It’s just a habit of hers, he’s since learned. She has a lot of little habits he once found weird, but now only sees those habits as things that make her Yuri. 

Yuri who hides behind her hair when she’s shy or nervous. Yuri who only wears half her jacket and leaves the other half hanging off for no reason. Yuri who wordlessly leaves ramen cups on his desk. Yuri who has to link her pinky with someone else’s when she’s nervous. Yuri who awkwardly bends her hands to link both of hers together when she doesn’t want to be a bother.

But it’s come to the point where she’s never a bother anymore. If she were, he wouldn’t have situated himself in her life as the outlier, the one person who coaxes her to talk about all of her problems because she’s the one resolving everyone else’s. Yuri taking always feels like giving, because he takes in her little habits and private thoughts that she shares with him and nobody else. It makes him feel more important than it makes him feel annoyed.

She has a special bond with everyone at Big Hit, and even with the Source Music and JYP trainees they practice with—she wouldn’t be going out of her way to force them all to resolve their conflicts, otherwise, even if they see her as nosy and meddling because of it.

In everyone being special, he supposes, he has gone full circle in no longer being special. Maybe he is, but he’s not as important to her as say, Kyunghee, her own damn brother, or Namjoon, who she stares at like he holds all the world’s answers. With that, Yoongi takes his place in her heart at a solid bronze (at the very most), which stings a little more than he’d like to admit. 

He hasn’t had much opportunity to grow as close to anyone at Big Hit—hell, anyone in Seoul—yet. Maybe that’s why he’s grown so attached to her like this. As sad as it is, she is quite literally the one person in the whole city that he’s close to. Listening to all her problems like this makes him feel like he’s just as important to her, so he can feel a little bit less pathetic about holding her so close to his heart. Even if the problems that she tells him reveal anything but.

“I’m so stupid,” she whines against his neck. Her warm breath gives him goosebumps.

“Jeez, you’re not. How many times do we have to go over this?” He’s been comforting her over this for the past half-hour now.

Namjoon has a girlfriend now. A tall girl from his advanced algebra class with great math skills and pale skin and sharp eyes—everything that Yuri does not have. He knows she’s insecure about it from the way she wrinkles her nose when she sees her reflection in the mirrors of the practice rooms. It makes him want to throttle Namjoon, despite him probably not having a clue.

“Sorry,” she says, her voice small, “For dumping all this on you, you know? I don’t wanna be that friend who only ever talks to you when I have problems. I kinda feel like I’m using you.”

“Hey, hey. It’s fine. Relax,” he says, feeling her nod softly into his neck as he continues, “It doesn’t bother me.” In fact, he prefers it, is what he doesn’t tell her. Humiliating as it is, he revels in feeling like he’s giving something, when he always feels like he’s taking from her. Like everyone is taking from her.

He knows what it’s like to be a producer, always behind the scenes of it all. She says she’s perfectly content with it, but he once said the same thing back in Daegu. But even when he chose to do things and make things for other people like this, there was always that underlying feeling of feeling like something has been taken from you. Sometimes it was just wanting the same amount of recognition as the people singing the songs you made.

Being young in society meant a desire for acceptance, and what bigger acceptance was there than fame? He recognizes the stars in her eyes whenever they practice with the other trainees in JYP’s big, shiny entertainment building because his own eyes held them once, too.

He’s still a trainee, so maybe they still do.

But for now, he’s letting himself dream small, living in the studio whenever he doesn’t have to practice those stupid dances Hitman Bang has them do. For now, music comes first, especially with his current job as one of the company’s main producers.

Producing is a lot harder with one hand, he muses, noting that she has at some point monopolized his left one when he wasn’t paying attention. He interlocks their fingers in spite of it all. With his ability to perform keyboard shortcuts impaired, he delegates the task of manually clicking things to his free hand. It’s annoying, but the feeling of her hand fit so snugly in his makes the inconvenience feel worth it. They sit like that for a while, quiet as one of her hands threads through his hair and the other softly strokes at his hand with her thumb.

“I like your hands,” she says. “They’re nice to hold.” Yoongi swallows. She’s so close to him that he’s scared she’ll hear how fast his heart is beating. To his relief, she says nothing of it.

“They’re just hands,” he says as nonchalantly as he can manage. “Cold hands.”

“Usually when you hold someone’s hand they get all hot and sweaty and clammy and gross, which is why I do the pinky-linking thing,” she muses, “Yours don’t do that, so they’re nice to hold. And they’re honestly not even that cold.”

“They are,” he argues.

“I don’t think your hands are ever that cold,” she says, her voice a teasing lilt. “I think you just keep saying that so you have an excuse to have your hands held. I bet you secretly love skinship.” He rolls his eyes, tightening an arm around her tiny frame.

“Watch it. Your life is in my hands,” he says, as flatly as he can manage for maximum ominosity.

With a squeak, she flies off of him like he’s on fire. He can’t help but smile, wide and gummy, at her Yuri-esque antics. Even when she turns away, shaking her head fondly, he can feel his heart swell in his chest as he looks at her. It reminds him why she’s the first one at Big Hit he was able to really talk to. Everything feels easy and comfortable with her, the way he felt back in Daegu.

His reverie is interrupted by Namjoon’s voice booming from the studio next to his.

“Yuri!” he calls. “Can you look at this for me?”

Hearing this, she does a little happy dance with her feet. It’s a habit he usually finds endearing, but right now it just makes his stomach twist. She waves him off, dropping everything—she even forgets her water bottle on his desk—to run off and attend to whatever Namjoon needs her for.

“I’ll be back,” she says in a sing-song voice as she’s out the door. 

He knows she will. She always comes back to him whenever Namjoon isn’t available.

Yoongi runs a frustrated hand through his hair, not sure why it bothers him so much. The fact that he doesn’t know why it bothers him so much bothers him more than anything else.

Yuri is awake at the Big Hit dorms at two in the morning.

This is nothing out of the ordinary, though. Whenever their dad was out of the country on a business trip, she always took the opportunity to stay out past curfew as a chance to spend her nights at the Big Hit studio while Kyunghee played video games with Donghyuk in the dorms. She always had to hide in the studio until early dawn so as to not get caught by Hitman Bang, who made it clear that he detested the idea of someone so young being out late just to work for him.

Today is different, though. Today, she’s in the dorms, taking a well-deserved break from work as she lays on her stomach next to Yoongi and watches a movie with him. She brought the DVD over from her house, thinking nothing of the way her father’s old American movies lined the TV stand until the day Yoongi bashfully mentioned wanting to watch it.

So here they are, watching a Korean-subbed version of Scarface on the tiny screen of his laptop. Yuri can’t enjoy the movie very much, finding it a bit too bleak and violent for her liking. And it just never gets better. It’s just hit after hit, one bad thing happening after another. She’s sure that if she squinted hard enough, she would be able to appreciate the cinematography and whatever deeper meaning the film holds, but that sounds like too much brainpower to be using at two in the morning.

Yoongi seems to find it interesting, though. He’s enraptured by every word that leaves the main character’s mouth, so much so that Yuri would be surprised if he forgot she was there. It really seems like he’s in his own little world. Instead, she finds her entertainment in his little gasps of delight, the innocent widening of his eyes, the way his grins of anticipation look as they’re illuminated by the dim light of his laptop screen.

It’s unfair, she thinks, how pretty Yoongi is. Perfect skin and catlike eyes and gummy smiles and he’s not even trying—hell, he doesn’t even have a skincare routine! God really does pick favorites. Yuri absentmindedly brushes a strand of hair out of his eyes, one he’s probably too entranced by the movie to notice. She hums softly at the way he leans into her touch without thinking.

She wonders if anyone is ever going to look at her this way.

There’s no time for her musings to continue when she hears what sounds like someone throwing their guts up in the bathroom. It stops for a moment before continuing, and Jesus, that sounds pretty brutal. She nudges Yoongi with her arm.

“Sounds like someone’s dying in there,” she says. He furrows his brows together in concern.

“Huh?”

“Someone’s not having a good time in the bathroom,” she says. “Did Namjoon undercook the chicken breasts again or what?” As if on cue, the poor guy is retching again, and Yoongi shakes his head.

“Jihoon,” he says, pausing the movie before he stands up and dusts himself off. “He hasn’t been feeling well for a while, now.” Yuri gets up and follows Yoongi when he makes his way towards said bathroom, cringing at the distinct sound of dry heaving as they draw closer. Yoongi knocks on the door before entering, his frown deep-set when he sees Jihoon hunched over the toilet.

“Hey,” Yuri says softly, stepping forward and placing a comforting hand on the small of his back. “Are you okay, buddy?” Yuri and Jihoon aren’t exactly the closest—of all the Big Hit trainees, Namjoon and Yoongi nabbed that spot—but he’s still nice to talk to, always offering to walk her home when it got too late like a good oppa. Seeing him like this breaks her heart.

“‘M fine,” he rasps, despite the pain in his voice telling them all that he is anything but. “Probably just food poisoning. No big deal.”

“Food poisoning for three days?” Yoongi says, obviously in disbelief. “It could be a stomach bug. Or God forbid, appendicitis. You really need to get yourself checked out.”

“It’s fine, hyung. I—” he begins, but the need to heave again cuts him off. Yuri rubs comforting circles into his back some more, unsure of what else to do. She sends a questioning glance Yoongi’s way, who looks just as concerned as she does.

“We’re taking you to the hospital,” he says. Jihoon groans, but doesn’t have the energy to resist.

The drive to the hospital is tense, Yuri filing in the back before Jihoon so he can lay his head against her shoulder and she can make sure he doesn’t throw up anymore. Meanwhile, Yoongi pushing is the edge of the speed limit, eyes darting back and forth between the road and the rear view mirror to make sure that they’re holding up okay in the back. Yuri sends him a reluctant thumbs up.

Yoongi insists that they take Jihoon to the emergency room, where they take Jihoon to the back. As soon as he’s out of eyeshot, Yuri watches with wide eyes as Yoongi takes out his wallet and puts down a hefty payment for the walk-in fee.

“I can pay for it,” she says, shaking her head as she fishes for her wallet in her own jacket pocket. Yoongi smiles, a bittersweet thing, at the unspoken words—she knows how much he’s struggled with money in the past. Even so, he shakes his head, reaching out to tenderly fit his hand into hers.

“There are worse things to spend my money on,” he says. “You can’t really put a price on anyone.”

Something in the way that she sees Yoongi snaps, then, but she has no clue as to what it is. She’s not sure if it’s the lack of sleep or the lateness of the night that makes her think this, but something about him reminds her of the moon, at that moment.

They stay like that the rest of the night, side-by-side in the seats of the hospital waiting room. Yoongi’s lashes flutter dreamily at the way a sleep-deprived Yuri noses against him, softly muttering sweet things against the sensitive skin of his neck and meaning every word.

“Your heart is warm, Min Yoongi.”

Yoongi can’t help but notice the way that Yuri’s wrap around him a little bit tighter during their deliveries, these days. More than that, he can’t help but notice how much he likes it.

He’s slowly accepting the fact that this might be a thing that he will have to address in both himself and with the rest of the Big Hit team later. Yuri being her normal touchy self was one thing, but him finding himself enjoying her touch rather than just allowing it was… new. It’s scary and exciting all at once, but mostly the former. For now, while it isn’t a problem, he chooses to ignore it.

He still puts the helmet on her head himself, pulling the buckles tight and making sure it’s fully secure before anything else. He takes extra care with it these days, tender in the way he always does it for her like it’s the first time. He feels like a little kid all over again, the way he cares like this.

It’s easy for him to psyche himself out of things, convincing himself that she’s just being all touchy because that’s how she is, but then she does little things that make him think it isn’t all in his head. Just last month, she gifted him with a black Yamaha helmet, covered with stickers of Kumamon and logos of brands he likes and Scarface, even though he remembers her having a pointed disinterest in the film while they watched it on his bedroom floor.

He never anticipated that he’d actually need it one day.

He doesn’t know how it happens, who went too fast or too slow or turned when they weren’t supposed to. All he remembers is tightening his arms around Yuri as they tumbled off the bike and onto the ground, hoping that she’d be okay. 

She always kicked in his protective instinct, being so small and so delicate. The thought of her getting hurt because she wanted to help him out makes him feel impossibly guilty.

Yoongi’s fading in and out of consciousness, vaguely registering Yuri’s voice sobbing into her phone on what seems to be a 1339 call.

“He’s—he’s unconscious,” he hears her sniffle, “Oh my God, he—um, no, no, he has a helmet on. His head is under the car. His body’s sticking out from under it. I just—I don’t wanna move him, ‘cause, oh my God, what if I hurt him? Oh God, what do I do? I don’t know what to—no, ma’am, the street is—um...”

When he wakes up, he’s lying in a hospital bed, groggy and miserable and aching to the joints. He’s in the emergency room, he realizes, the same one he drove Jihoon to only weeks ago. His heart sinks when the doctor informs him that he’s got an incredibly bad shoulder injury—no more boxing, no more basketball, he tells him. It was nearly dislocated, he says, so don’t move too much. Don’t put too much pressure on it. Just relax for a month or so.

This sends him into a full-blown panic. He doesn’t have a month. He’s never been much of a dancer—of everyone, she should probably be practicing the most. This sets him back far behind the others. How is he gonna catch up? How is he gonna make up for that?

As soon as the doctor leaves, the weight of the whole world hits him all at once. He can even feel himself hyperventilating, but is halted by the shock of a gentle hand reaching out to grasp his. When he turns, he sees Yuri sitting on the hospital chair next to him. Lord, he was so out of it he didn’t even realize she was there. She’s got bandages on her legs, but other than that, no major injuries. He breathes a sigh of relief.

“Hey,” she says softly.

“Hey,” he says, slowly blinking up at her.

“Why did you do that?” she says, voice cracking.

“Huh?”

“You, um, kind of,” she begins, “…broke my fall? You held me. I don’t know. I crushed your shoulder. That’s why it’s all fucked up. Why would you do that?”

“I—I don’t know,” he admits. “I wasn’t thinking. I just felt like it was the thing to do at that moment.” She whines pitifully at his answer, squeezing his hand as tight as she can.

“I just feel like I owe you one,” she says. “Something. Anything. I don’t know.”

The tender part of him tells him to assure her that she has no need to do any such thing. After all, nothing was more important than other people—especially Lim Yuri—but the scared part of him takes over.

“Make me a promise,” he says softly. She leans in to hear him better, nodding as she does so.

“Anything,” she says.

“Promise me you won’t tell the others about this injury. Please.” Yuri furrows her brows and widens her eyes upon hearing this, obviously not expecting that answer. She practically rips her hand from his at that, pulling back from him as if appalled.

“What?!” she says. “Yoongi, no! They have to know about this!”

“They’ll worry. They’ll bench me. They’ll pull me out,” he says. “I promise you, it’s better if they don’t know.”

“What, so they can make you dance and exercise and all that shit with your injured shoulder? If it was sprained, that’d be one thing, but this is a serious problem! You’re only gonna hurt yourself further by not telling them.”

“I don’t care. It’s fine.” Yuri shakes her head.

“I just don’t get it,” she says, sniffling. “How you can care so little about yourself when I—when everyone—cares about you so much.”

“I’ll be fine,” he assures her. “It’ll heal. Everything will, alright? I just need you not to tell anyone about it.”

“Of course,” she says, as flatly as she can manage. “I owe you one, after all.” Yoongi knows her well enough to sense the bite in her tone. He rolls his eyes.

“C’mon,” he clicks his tongue. “Don’t be like that.”

“Don’t be like that, then,” she says, pressing her back to the opposite wall of his little hospital room. “It’s just—it’s just so stupid, Yoongi.” She slides down against the wall and onto the floor, looking impossibly small and hopeless in a way that only makes him feel guiltier. “You don’t have to pay anyone back for any of the nice things we do. You think we do all that just to kiss ass, or what?”

“What—no! Of course not.”

“Then why am I keeping this a secret, huh? Tell me that,” she says. 

Yoongi pauses for a moment, deep in thought. Every single thought falls upon him, all at once. He thinks of the evaluations next weekend and he thinks about his family back home. He thinks about the money they spent on his trainee contract and he thinks about the amount they’ll have to pay off, regardless of whether or not he debuts. His heart beats wildly in his chest. His head pounds away.  His lips press together into a thin line.

“There’s so much at stake,” is all he can offer as an explanation. What else can he say?

“All the more reason to trust us, then, isn’t it?” she says desperately. “Come on. No way anyone would let the company drop you. I’d fight for you, you know that! We’d fight for you. No one else can rap and produce like you. Don’t you remember what Namjoon said? You can debut before him, or he can debut before you, but it’s important that everyone supports each other, always. He’d be here for you, if he knew. He wants to be there for you. We all want to be there for you. You’re so loved. You just have to trust us. You just have to let us in.”

“Sorry I don’t remember every little thing Namjoon says,” he scoffs. “I’m not you.”

“Are you really talking about that right now?!” she bristles. “This is serious, Yoongi!”

“I’m being serious,” he says firmly. “You’re the one bringing up Namjoon while I’m lying in a hospital bed. He’s the leader. He’s the one I’m worried most about. The whole group is built around him. I don’t know if I can trust him not to tell any of the staff about this. If he does—, if anyone does—they have a reason to drop me as a trainee. I can’t let that happen, Yuri.”

He doesn’t know why he’s saying these things. He’s talking out of his ass right now. After all, he trusts Namjoon. He likes Namjoon. But the pain in his shoulder and the claustrophobia of the tight little hospital room makes him feel anxious, restless, paranoid. He wants to get up and move and run or do something. But he can’t, so all he can do is project every negative feeling bogging down on him onto other people.

“If you can’t trust Namjoon,” she says softly. “Can’t you at least trust me?”

A beat of silence is her only answer, Yoongi’s lips pressed together into a thin line as he looks away.

“I can’t believe you,” she says, voice cracking. When he hears her begin to sniffle and sob, he has to force himself not to look back at her, guilt and shame bubbling up in his stomach.

He doesn’t even get to see her as she storms out, slamming the door shut behind her.

Yoongi feels incredibly alone.

He really shouldn’t, though—after all, his family comes all the way down from Daegu just to visit him while he’s in the hospital. They bring him all sorts of different foods, agreeing with his complaints that hospital food really, really sucks. After repeated assurances that he’ll heal just fine, they ask him about trainee life, about his food, about his friends. On the third day, they ask why nobody else has visited him. He lies and says that they’re all too busy training, when in reality they don’t even know that he’s here. 

The insecure, self-loathing part of himself wonders if they’re even worried.

Rationally, he knows they are, because he misses them, too. They’ve been in such close proximity that it’d be impossible for them not to grow as close as they have in these past months. He chuckles softly whenever he thinks about the way they were so rarely separated, bonding and laughing over situations where Hoseok was using the shower while Donghyuk used the toilet and Namjoon brushed his teeth, all at the same time.

It only makes Yoongi feel worse about the last conversation he had with Yuri, making an ass out of himself over Namjoon of all people. Namjoon who he’s lived with the longest. Namjoon who he gives his shirts to when they come in two sizes too big. Namjoon who he holds so dearly. 

He wishes he didn’t have to be apart from everyone for so long to realize what an ass he was being.

It hits him the worst on the sixth day his family visits him and they bring him a cup of a very familiar brand of ₩1200 ramyeon. He saves the little egg brick for last. It tastes bitter in his mouth. 

As he reluctantly finishes his water, listening to his brother, Geumjae, and his parents chatter about their dog and their work and the weather in Daegu. Usually, catching up with them felt like a much-needed break, but right now he just feels restless. 

He’s been lying in this hospital bed for too long. Listening to nothing but their idle chat for too long. He’s been drifting in and out of sleep so much that he probably wouldn’t even know how many days he’d been in the hospital if his phone didn’t tell him. The repetition of it all ends one day when the nurse informs him that somebody’s coming up to visit, even though his family is already there in the room with him.

After a set of gentle knocks, Lim Yuri appears from behind the hospital door like an angel.

She introduces herself to his family a bit too formally, bowing more than she needs to, like she’s trying to impress them. It’s cute of her. What’s even cuter is the way she blushes and flusters in surprise when they ask if she’s a Big Hit trainee and she waves her arms around as she explains that she’s a producer. She looks nothing like an idol, she says. Geumjae jokes that Yoongi doesn’t look anything like one either. He glares at his brother from the hospital bed.

Yuri looks shy as she tells them something too softly for him to hear, but they nod in understanding and send Yoongi a knowing look as they file out of the door with promises to visit tomorrow. His cheeks flush in embarrassment as he realizes he’s going to have a lot to clarify for them then.

His flush deepens when she sets the plastic bag in her hands on his side table, clambering up the bedside to take a seat beside him. He moves to make space for her, revelling in the way the warm skin of her thigh presses against his arm. 

“Did you eat?” she says softly. “I brought you food.”

“Yeah, I ate,” he says. “Thanks, though.”

A beat of silence. She reaches down to grasp his hand, which fits so perfectly into hers. When he squeezes it, she squeezes back. Everything feels like it’s falling back into place where it belongs.

“I didn’t tell anyone, like you said. I told them all that you went back to see your family in Daegu. Said it was a family emergency that you didn’t really wanna talk about,” she says softly. “Told Hitman Bang, too. I think you should be okay if you want to stay here for the next week or so.” He shakes his head.

“It’s okay. I’ll be discharged soon,” he assures her. “Next two days, maybe. It won’t be completely healed, but I’ll just tell them that I fell down the stairs back home or something. I don’t know. Gonna try to play it off as nothing major.” 

She hums in reply, squeezing his hand again. He can tell she still disapproves of his secrets, but is willing to keep them if that’s what makes him comfortable. She slides down so she’s laying next to him, legs slotted nicely next to his. He feels a wave of comfort wash over him as she gets touchy with him, like nothing has changed.

Seeing as Yoongi has never been the touchy-feely type, one would think that this would annoy him. To his own surprise, it doesn’t. If anything, he finds himself reveling in her affections. It’s weird even to him, the way he likes her touch so much.

Wordlessly, she starts playing with his hair. She’s always liked his hair, she’s said before, all sleek and smooth—she doesn’t like her own hair and the way they curl at the ends. And he’d frown every time she talked about herself like that because he thinks she’s one of the cutest people he knows.

Not that he could ever tell her that without shrivelling up and dying of embarrassment.

He’s snapped out of his thoughts by her wandering fingers, which have moved on from playing with his hair to prod at his ears. The sensitivity makes him cringe, but it isn’t an entirely unpleasant thing. He gasps sharply when her fingernails nip at the shell of his ear in a way that feels like the sensitive skin is being bitten. Mortifying as it is to admit, the goosebumps that rise on his skin stem from a sensation more pleasurable than it is uncomfortable. It feels good. Suddenly, the touches that he once found curious and innocent—childish, even—make his face go hot.

“You have something you’re not saying,” she chides. “You can tell me, you know, if it’ll make you feel better.” He turns in closer to her, close enough that her breath tickles him.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “For saying stupid shit that I didn’t mean. I was jealous and stupid and angry.”

“Apology accepted,” she says immediately, trailing her finger back down from his ear to prod at his bready cheeks. “I’d forgive you even if you didn’t apologize, you know. I missed you too much.”

“I missed you, too.” 

She freezes, then. They both do. Yoongi doesn’t even realize what he says until it’s slipped out—it’s probably the most intimate thing he’s said out loud. The closest thing he’s ever said to I love you.

“Can I kiss you?” she asks suddenly. “I just—I know it’s not super romantic to ask, but I don’t just wanna do it without your permission, so—” Yoongi’s face burns a dark crimson as he cuts her off.

“Yeah,” he chokes out. “Go ahead. Please.” He can’t trust his voice to say much else. His hands are shaking.

When she presses her lips against his, everything feels different. 

It’s like every shitty romance movie he’s ever watched has come to life in his bones. Every cheesy metaphor—the sparks flying, the angels singing, the flowers blooming. It’s the way he finally understands why wars have been waged and empires have fallen for a single heart. It’s the way Yuri smells like cherry blossoms and whatever else is in her girly lotions. It’s the way he’s never felt like this before.

It’s different from his first kiss. It feels exactly like Yuri said it should feel. Maybe because it’s her. 

And Min Yoongi finally understands why Lim Yuri put so much importance into a single kiss.

Yoongi doesn’t know how long he’s been avoiding her.

It’s not like he immediately iced her out after the kiss. It was a gradual thing, each interaction slowly becoming more and more unbearable. The first time he can recall feeling things start to fall apart was when he made some rude joke that he can’t even remember now. All he can remember is the way she laughed afterwards, so naturally and so easily that he couldn’t help but to think about how everything with her was just easy. Easy to tease, easy to joke with, easy to share secrets with.

That’s how things should be, right?

And then it spirals. Makes him think about his girlfriend from middle school, a smart girl with pretty hair that sat in front of him in class, who began going out with him when he shyly asked her out via letter. He could talk to her normally before, could ask her for pencils and for homework help, but once they began dating he couldn’t even do that much.

It’s weird, the way he acted so differently once romantic expectations were set up. There’d always been this tense aura of awkwardness around them, and he could vaguely tell that it annoyed her, but he was too chicken to do anything about it. He never thought it could happen with Yuri, who he always felt so comfortable, but here he was now.

He feels pathetic, agonizing over this when she’s probably thinking about Namjoon. Even if she does like him back, there’s a clawning fear in his gut that tells him that he’s never going to compare. He wonders how long she’d do that, seesaw herself over to him whenever Namjoon was unavailable. Moreover, he wonders how long he’d let her.

Everytime her little hands found themselves laced in his, the rate at which his thoughts dissipated and his heart melted became laughable. If she asked, he’d probably let her do whatever she wanted with him forever.

The tiny, selfish little devil on his shoulder whispers to Yoongi that he would possibly-maybe-kind-of be more compatible with her than Namjoon. Even without thinking too hard about it, he knows it’s a terrible thought just from the way it makes his stomach churn with guilt.

Namjoon and Yuri have known each other for several years longer than he’s known either of them. He’s nothing more than an interloper in this relationship, and it’s conceited of him to even think he has any kind of chance when he probably isn’t even in the running. The possibility of being in the running scares him more than it excites him, at this point.

So he ices her out.

With how frigid he’s gotten, it should come as no surprise that she wants to hang out more with the trainees at JYP and Source. These days, she’s been over in their dorms more often than she’s been in theirs. He only ever sees her in the studio. Even then, he only speaks to her indifferently, replying to her when it has to do with music and brushing off her attempts at small talk. It reminds him of his interactions with Namjoon back when they first met, tense and awkward and professional.

And speak of the devil.

“Hey,” he hears Namjoon say, his voice deep and distant at his studio door. “May I come in?”

“Sure,” he says thoughtlessly, not even bothering to look up from the song he’s producing on his computer. That changes when Namjoon seats himself on the seat next to his and he can practically feel the air go tense, forcing him to turn and give Namjoon his full attention. The way that his leader, who was a year younger than he was, could command so much authority with his presence alone was both admirable and terrifying.

“You’ve been avoiding Yuri,” Namjoon says. He immediately knows there’s no beating around the bush with this one. Regardless, he pushes his luck.

“I haven’t,” he lies through his teeth. Yoongi has never liked lying about matters of the heart. If it were anybody but Namjoon, he wouldn’t have, but he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Namjoon sighs, obviously in disbelief of the lie. Yoongi doesn’t blame him.

“Look,” he says. “I’m not asking you to tell me what’s wrong, or what happened between you two or whatever. If it was between two members of this group, then I would have to. It’s my job as leader to be responsible for you guys. But whatever is going on between you and Yuri? That’s your business. It’s not my job to keep up with our producers, no matter how much I might want to.”

“But you do want to,” Yoongi clarifies.

“Of course,” he says. “I mean, she’s not just a producer to me. She’s my friend. And so are you. So I’m asking you this as a friend, and not a leader.” Yoongi raises a brow.

“What are you asking?” he says.

“I don’t know. Just don’t be mad at each other anymore. Please.” Namjoon sounds impossibly desperate, hopeless in a way that feels incredibly out of character for him. “I don’t like seeing you guys mad at each other. Remember what Hitman Bang said? It’s okay if you wanna fight or yell or whatever. Just sort it out. I don’t know what she did, or what happened between you, but everyone seems pretty miserable without her around, including you. So please make up soon. Please don’t be mad at her anymore.”

“I’m not mad at her,” he says, and it’s the truth. If anything, he’s mad at himself—but not at her. Never at her. “It’s just… weird. I don’t know. But I’m not mad at her.”

“You think she knows that?” he says, and Yoongi’s heart immediately sinks.

“Probably not,” he admits, suddenly feeling a large wave of guilt wash over him. Now that he thinks about it, she’s probably been blaming herself this whole time. Yoongi’s face burns hot with shame.

“Then you should let her know.”

“Hey, can we talk?”

Yuri practically jumps in her seat, eyes widening like saucers as she whips around upon hearing the voice of Yoongi of all people at the studio door. She hesitates for a moment, but it’s not long before she gets up to let him in. Over the months, he’d gotten harder and harder for her to refuse.

“Okay,” she says as she unlocks the door, letting him into the studio. They’re face to face now, so much so that his incredible closeness reminds her just how much he towers over her. He always said that he was short, but he’s pretty tall to her. It only makes her all the more nervous.

She hasn’t had the opportunity to talk to Yoongi alone like this about something non-music related in months. She can’t beat around the bush with this one—she doesn’t know the next chance she’s going to get to say what she wants, so she has no choice but to say it outright.

“Let’s not fight anymore,” she says, gently dropping her head against his chest. It comes out soft and sad and a thousand times more pathetic-sounding than she’d originally intended. “I won’t kiss you anymore. We can pretend it never happened. Just talk to me again. I miss you.” The way her voice cracks breaks his heart into little pieces.

“We’re not—we’re not fighting, Yuri,” he assures her, stern and gentle all at once. Hesitantly, he brings an arm up around her to rub gentle circles into the small of her back. “We’re… disagreeing.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” he says. “And even if I was, it wouldn’t be because you kissed me. Why would I be avoiding you because of that? I said that you could, didn’t I?”

“But you are mad,” she says.

“At me,” he clarifies. “Not at you.”

“Why?” she asks. “Yoongi, tell me.” He flushes, feeling incredibly trapped by the way her doe eyes look up at him. Refusing her wishes feels impossible, these days, so he supposes that honesty is the best policy in this case.

“Because I wanted you to kiss me again,” he admits, cheeks burning hot with shame. “Even though everything was fine as it already was.” Yuri blinks slowly at him upon his admission.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I think I get it,” she says, and despite being forgiven, he can’t help but frown at how understanding she’s being—it’s more than he deserves at this point, if he’s being honest.

“Yeah,” he says. “It’s scary.” Words are hard right now.

“I think it’s why I could never say anything,” she continues. “It’s so easy to love someone without them knowing, because you get to live off these happy little fantasies of being together and everything being perfect in your head. I think that’s why being loved back is scary. Because then anything is a possibility. It’s kind of like—it’s kind of like finishing a really good webtoon.” He chuckles softly at the comparison, fondly bumping his nose against hers. “It is! Because then you have nothing left and you’re hit with that post-webtoon depression, because the fun and the fantasies and the excitement are over and then you’re left to deal with the real world. And sometimes the real world means that everything changes, or that even if the person you want loves you back right now, they might change their mind later on. And that’s scary.”

“I still want to be able to talk to you like we used to,” he says. “But I also still want to kiss you. I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“Kiss me, then,” she says. “We don’t—we don’t have to think about it or talk about it or decide anything. Just kiss me. Please.”

And so he does.

It makes him shiver, the way she seems to shrink when her back presses against the wall, the way she feels so small when he cages her between his arms, the way her tiny hands find purchase against his chest before travelling up to wind behind his neck.

Yoongi can’t find it in himself to be afraid at that moment. He’d kiss Lim Yuri forever, if she let him.

[doof-doofblog]

"Could You Go With My Colleague, Please?"

Monday 15th March 2021

Hello everyone! Hope you've had a fantastic weekend, of course it was Mother's Day on Sunday so I hope all you wonderful Mother's had a wonderful day being spoilt! I do have some exciting news to share with you all. As we all celebrated our Mums, EastEnders actress Louisa Lytton also had an announcement of her own, on the special day she announced that she is pregnant with her first child!! How amazing! We know Lacey Turner has just given birth to a baby boy and will be returning to the soap very soon, I just love the thought of Lacey and Louisa's children being best friends! Haha! I'll be intrigued to see how the EastEnders writers will temporarily write out Ruby when Louisa goes on Maternity Leave. Such brilliant news and I'm super happy for her!

Last week the soap ended on such a climax, I can't wait to blog about last night's episode, so much drama!! I'd like to start of with mentioning Kathy, after witnessing Peter and Ash frolicking in her living room, it seem clear to Kathy that Peter has had other things on his mind recently other than his ex, Lauren and his son Louie. There have been many rumours that Lauren could come back to the Square, I think since Peter's return people have been hoping that Lauren wouldn't be far behind. I would love to see Lauren return to Walford one day, but now Max has left, it'll be interesting to see what would be on Albert Square for her to return to. Of course her Uncle Jack, but what/who else? It certainly won't be Peter! Anyway, it's during this confrontation she receives a phone call from a lady named "Sally". Now, I have no idea who Sally is, but eventually it becomes clear on what news Sally has shared with Kathy. Kathy looks to be shocked and yet slightly saddened by the news, eventually when she meets Ben on her own, she reveals that her ex-husband Gavin has passed away.

I'm sure the majority of you will know that this would've been the upcoming story, as pictures have been revealed of Sharon and Kathy visiting Gavin's grave or attending some kind of memorial. Of course at this point Sharon isn't aware of her biological Father's passing, but after a little chat with Kim about giving her a leaving party for her for when she leaves the Vic, Kathy arrives. For once, not raising her voice to Sharon or giving her any grief, she simply feels like it would be heartless of her not to inform her about Gavin's passing. Interestingly, Sharon doesn't seem to show any emotion, she just stands and listens, taking the news in. I'm really intrigued see these upcoming scenes play out, maybe this will be one of the things that bring Sharon and Kathy together, or least have some kind of respect for one another, what do you guys think?

Also, whilst on the subject of Peter, it seems that we have learned from Kathy that he's ignoring his ex's calls, now why would he start ignoring Lauren's calls just because he's started seeing Ash? Is he concerned that Lauren might get jealous? As Peter is pondering all these thoughts, Ash is also being confronted by her Mum, simply asking questions on how her job is going, of course Ash dodges all the questions about work quickly hurries out to see Peter, completely unaware that her Mum knows exactly what's going on and that she's been suspended. 

Eventually both Peter and Ash meet in the pub and it looks as if after Kathy's questions to him about whether he's spoken to his own son, it looks as if this whole thing plays on Peter's mind and he decides to inform Ash that he's not as bad as what his Nan is makes him out to be. He informs her that he in fact manages to speak to his son every week via video call. As they meet and discuss their questioning parents, it looks as if Ash has the feeling that her Mum knows about her being suspended, Peter tries to reassure her that if she feels she no longer wants to lie to her Mum then she should tell her the truth, but of course, Ash does fear how her Mum will react if she was to find out. Eventually they both decide to enjoy the rest of their day, in more ways than one. Ash once again flirts with Peter, informing him that her place is empty and they'll have the house to themselves, as an eager beaver, Peter downs his drink and pretty much gets half the drink soaked all over him in excitement. 

Unfortunately their frolicking doesn't last for long as later, Suki arrives home surprised to see her daughter there with Peter topless, once again. Needless to say Suki is disgusted to see the scene happening in front of her, it's this moment she chooses to confront her daughter, if she still happens to be attending work every day then why are they sending letters to her when they can just tell her information whilst she's there? Realising that she can no longer hide it from her Mum, Ash knows she's been caught out from her Mum when she announces she knows she's been suspended. Ash has always had a rocky relationship with her Mum since they first appeared on the Square, I feel that maybe things are going to get nasty here, what do you think? Plus considering the fact that Peter and Suki have actually had a one night stand, will Suki drop that bombshell on her daughter, this is EastEnders and we know secrets don't last forever, how will Ash react if/when she finds out! 

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Now I have to mention the Taylor family and Bronson, this was so touching for me, being a dog lover and owner, I can completely relate to this story. It's absolutely heart-breaking losing a dog, or any pet! Bronson's illness seems to have had a deeply hard affect on Bailey. First though before I say anything, I have to point out what a brilliant little actress Kara-Leah Fernandes is! I hope EastEnders will continue to put her in the limelight of really hard hitting emotional stories, because she wows me every time! The Taylor's have been made aware that Bronson is really sick and there is very little that can be done to help/save him. Little Bailey is devastated at the thought of losing her family dog and voices her pleas to Karen to find treatment or something to help save him. 

Unfortunately, paying for a pet to have treatment can cost thousands of pounds, money that the Taylor's simply haven't got! At the beginning of the episode we saw Mitch approach Denise about the possibility of giving him a raise, at first I couldn't understand why, even though he mentioned Bronson, I still couldn't understand why he would ask and then for Denise to decline. But then when the Taylor's begin to talk, it all makes sense to me that Mitch was hoping to raise money to pay for Bronson to have treatment in an attempt to cheer his young daughter up, the little girl has lost so much already. 

On the Square, as Mitch is returning home after hearing that the vet will be arriving at the household, after overhearing her Mum decline Mitch's plea of a raise, interestingly Chelsea approaches him and offers him a very expensive watch that he could pawn to make money to pay for the their dog's treatment. Of course Mitch is deeply thankful but it turns out that time for Bronson is running out, he really is a very ill doggo. As the family gather in preparation for the vet's visit, both Karen and Mitch softly and gently talk to Bailey about there simply can't be anything be done to save the dog. I just want to mention that during these scenes I think they portrayed them and handled them very well, as anyone who has ever lost a dog or a family pet will know and understand the devastating loss. Realising that she only has a few moments left with her beloved dog, Bailey decides that she wants to be by his side when he takes his last breath. 

The following scene did touch me also, after the vet had been, Karen, Mitch, Bailey and Bernadette all gather to watch over Bronson. As lovely as this scene was, it was also very touching. They begin to discuss all the foods which Bronson enjoyed and had a laughable debate on what was his favourite burger, nuggets, pizza or kebab! In all fairness, all those foods are every dog's favourite, it's clear that Bronson was a spoiled dog when it came to food - as most dogs are! As they all reminisce about happy times with Bronson stealing their food and enjoying all types of delicious meals, they seem to notice that everything goes quiet. As Bailey looks down, Bronson has simply closed his eyes and faded away. This really hits Bailey as she quite sobs, realising she's not had chance to tell him how much she loved him. Following his daughter, Mitch reassures his daughter that Bronson knew in every way possible that he was loved, he was surrounded by everyone he loved, listening to the discussions of all the food he loved, he simply drifted away to the sound of their comforting voices. I almost cried watching these scenes, really really touching and think EastEnders portrayed it so brilliantly! 

--

Okay so the main event, the big day has arrived for Lucas and Chelsea! Everything is all put in place and ready for them to do this drug smuggling job for Caleb. At the very beginning of this episode, Lucas is in his apartment alone, praying, when Chelsea interrupts him and asks him to quickly get ready as things will be taking place shortly. He politely asks her to join him a prayer as she did the other day, but Chelsea is adamant she doesn't have time to pray for things which are going to be taking place on that day, she simply wants it over and done with. Lucas is still in the hope that Chelsea might take his advice and focusing on making a better life for herself after the day's task, but something is telling me that deep down, he knows that he's going to have to be cruel to be kind to make her see that he's trying to help her. As she leaves the room, the most interesting thing that caught my attention is what Lucas said next, he goes back to praying and asks God for forgiveness and strength for what he's about to do, does he mean the drug smuggling or something completely different?

The day seems to be flying quickly, as Lucas is getting his things together, Chelsea has a quick meeting with her Mum, claiming that her Dad is acting weird. Why would he be acting weird? If he has a history of being a criminal, he might know the signs on what the police will be looking for, however drug smuggling of course is completely different to murder, but either way you're still breaking the law. Denise tries to reassure her daughter that her Dad won't make any mistakes and if he's so desperate for her to let him into her life again, he will do this one job for her. 

As Chelsea returns to the flat to find her Dad, instead of seeing her Dad there, she's confronted by Caleb, dropping the bombshell that after the visit he had from Lucas, he's dropping off more drugs for them to smuggle to Ibiza. Chelsea is completely taken back, they already have have a worrying amount on them already so having to deliver more is a huge risk to take! Even though Chelsea appears to be worried and concerned she informs Caleb that she won't let him down, but Caleb warns her that she better hadn't or it'll be the last thing she'll ever do. As this is happening in Lucas's flat, Denise finds Lucas and informs him of Chelsea's concerns and she appears to be giving him a lecture into making she he does right by his daughter, making sure she does this job and doesn't get hurt or in trouble. However interestingly, Lucas makes a statement that there are other ways in looking out for their children, teaching them right from wrong and doing things for them to make them see that they can have a better life, of course Denise has no idea what he's saying - but I think it's perfectly clear! 

As Chelsea packs her suitcase ready for the airport, it's clear to see that she has a fair amount of drug packages in her suitcase. Okay, first I just want to make an assumption, if you were to smuggle drugs, you wouldn't leave them in plain sight in the suitcase, you'd make sure that they were secluded and out of sight, right? Anyway, as they both make it to the airport, we see them both approach the gate with separate luggage bags, a fella is seen at the other end of the gate making eye-contact with Chelsea. She lets her Dad know that happens to work for Caleb and when he gives the signal, they go through his gate, that way risk of being caught is unlikely. Only before they can be caught, Lucas happens to grab his daughter's suitcase and swap it with his own with the drugs in, informing her one last time that she can do this job for Caleb, pay this debt and potentially put herself at risk in getting sucked into a life of crime, or she can walk away now and start a new life where she and the rest of her family will be safe, she has to make a decision on what's best for her. 

Chelsea is completely stunned and can't seem to understand why her Dad is making her make this choice, determined to complete this job for Caleb, she makes her way to the gate where her guy is waiting. Unfortunately he gets called to another gate, meaning Chelsea has to go through a normal gate with a genuine airport worker. She calmly puts her luggage on the conveyer belt and watches it slowly come through, only instead of come straight towards her, it gets nudged to the side. As Lucas watches on from the other end of the gate, with look of fear and worry in her eyes, Chelsea is approached by an assistant informing that they need to look inside her suitcase. 

Will Lucas actually have swapped the drugs over to her suitcase? Will it just be a ploy for him to come through with his luggage and drugs undetected? Will drugs be found her suitcase and will she end up in huge trouble, potentially looking at prison time?! What do you think! I'm really looking forward to seeing what's going to happen next! Thank you all so much for reading! Please feel free to send me any comments or messages on anything EastEnders related, I'd love to hear from you! I'll be back very soon! Love you all xXx

[chaoswillfallrpg]

POPPY HOOKUM is TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD and an ILLUSTRATOR for THE POLITICS PAGE at THE QUIBBLER. They look remarkably like LIV HEWSON and consider themselves aligned with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. They are currently OPEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

An activist and a fearless fighter with a heart of gold, Poppy Hookum believes passionately in equal rights for everyone who calls the wizarding world their home. The youngest child of GEORGE and ROSE HOOKUM, Poppy grew up in a rather fantastical household where imagination reigned supreme. Their middle sister DAISY, preferred to live in worlds they had created and Poppy’s childhood was filled with memories of Daisy pulling her sisters along on great expeditions. Daisy was a dreamer and although Poppy appreciated her efforts they could never quite relate to her. Poppy did not share their sister’s imagination. They were very matter of fact even as a child and although traipsing around in the wind looking for fairy rings was fun to Daisy it seemed like a pointless exercise to Poppy given everyone knew pixies were more commonly found in Cornwall. Their eldest sister PRIMROSE was a dreamer of another kind. Primrose looked at the world in front of her and wondered how she could make it beautiful, which sadly included dressing up Poppy to look like a pot doll and attempting to curl their already curly hair into tight ringlets and fashion princess style gowns for them to parade around in. In their younger years Poppy would try their best to rifle out of the clutches of their sisters and their games but as they got older they tended to go along with things to make them happy, even if they did sulk about it thereafter. 

Poppy was the blunt one of their family, with a perpetually knitted expression worn on their face and their nose buried in a copy of The Daily Prophet which made the rest of their family laugh.Everyone in Poppy’s family was eccentric, including Poppy though they had a hard time seeing it. They all seemed ridiculous to Poppy including their cousins who were just as crazy as Poppy’s sisters. BILLIUS WEASLEY somehow managed to make Primrose seem subdued in her style, whilst ARTHUR was hopping and obsessed with anything vaguely related to Muggles which Poppy found most peculiar. The only person who understood them in their family was their middle cousin FREDRICK. A few years older than Poppy, their family would laugh as everyone would run and play around the Weasley burrow leaving Poppy and Fredrick to sit reading wearing spectacles that didn’t help them see any better. An interest in current affairs ran in the family and whilst living in the fantastical never interested Poppy, dreaming of their life one day working at The Daily Prophet was a dream they allowed themself to indulge in. Their father George was a very famous journalist who covered the ousting of NOBBY LEACH from office and was largely responsible for the rumours which began to perpetuate about ABRAXAS MALFOY helping him be forced out of office. Poppy’s father believed in doing everything you could to change the world around you and was a very passionate journalist who believed in equality. 

The Hookum family were a longstanding Pure-Blood family in wizarding Britain with ties to Sacred Twenty-Eight families, but that didn’t matter to their father. What mattered was using his status to do what was right and it was an ideology they carried forth fiercely at school. Sorted into Gryffindor, Poppy was the last of their family to attend Hogwarts just behind their estranged cousins ALECTO and AMYCUS CARROW, whom Poppy utterly despised. None of their family spoke to that particular purist branch of their family tree but Poppy took their disdain one step further, openly challenging Amycus and Alecto whenever they got the chance and saw them doing something horrible and wicked, which happened to be a great deal. Poppy had hoped that their ghastly cousins were in the minority in their wickedness though Poppy soon discovered that was not the case. Alecto and Amycus were part of a larger rot of self important purists which included the likes of JASPER AVERY, LARKIN MULCIBER and SEVERUS SNAPE whom she saw bully and belittle people on the daily. Poppy’s fellow Gryffindors LILY EVANS and MARY MACDONALD were often a victim of prejudiced bullying, frequently tormented simply because they were Muggle-Borns. They were outraged. People like their cousins and their fellow nasty Slytherins needed to be stopped and Poppy was determined to do so. 

So began their activism, containing on from CHARITY BURBAGE and BENJY FENWICK’s hard work from their days at Hogwarts, Poppy fought under the banner of Sorcerers for Equality, starting hallway duels, pulling stunts and earning a number of detentions from PROFESSOR MCGONAGALL in the process. Poppy’s name was a famous one known for quite literally getting on top of a soapbox and preaching to their fellow students about equality. Thankfully Poppy wasn’t alone in their exactions and their antics attracted fellow supporters. CARDORAC DEARBORN had been Poppy’s friend since sitting down at the Gryffindor table during first year and the two had only gotten closer since then. Cardorac was like the brother Poppy hadn’t had, having always preferred the company of wizards and other non-binary sorcerers compared to their very feminine sisters. Cardorac always had Poppy’s back, happy to jump to their defense and plaster the school full of posters with Charity and Benjy’s teachings. It was more than Poppy’s own sisters did for them at the very least. Caught up in their careers, Primrose seemed more intent on making dresses for the enemy whilst Daisy focused on running her silly little newspaper which mostly printed gossip rather than anything of importance. Poppy had always thought her family held the same beliefs as they did but when push came to shove they could only rely on her friends and Arthur to be by their side. 

Some of Poppy’s friends had disappointed them in this area also. Since first year, Poppy, Caradoc, DEMETRIUS MCLAGGEN and GWENOG JONES had been inseparable. But as they grew older and Poppy and Caradoc’s eyes had widened to the problems occurring in their world, Gwenog and Demetrius had shied away from controversy. The excuses they made were flimsy, especially for Gwenog whose family had positions at The Ministry that could inflict change and had a girlfriend at the time who held very similar beliefs. Despite how much Poppy loved Gwenog, her unwillingness to join their cause and her relationship DORCAS MEADOWES was a slight point of contention in their relationship. Poppy had always held a candle for Dorcas and was ashamed to say they were somewhat relieved to hear when Dorcas and Gwen decided to go their separate ways and began to become quietly better friends with Dorcas behind Gwen’s back. Leaving school, Poppy wasn’t quite sure how to inflect the most change. Caradoc and Dorcas were training to be Aurors which had never suited Poppy and they were quite sure The Prophet would never have them after hearing about what they’d been up to at school. Poppy needed a plan and then suddenly a job offer fell square in their lap. Famous for their posters, boards and signs that often depicted various purists as hilarious cartoons, Poppy was approached by XENOPHILIUS LOVEGOOD for a job at his magazine The Quibbler, working alongside their idol Charity Burbage. 

Poppy couldn’t have said yes fast enough and although they saw themselves mostly taking to the streets to protest after graduation being paid to draw alongside an icon was pretty much their dream job. Working with Charity has been a blessing for Poppy and they would consider them somewhat of a friend after all the trouble they’d stirred after their article on the arrest of SILAS CRUMP was posted all over London. Although it was scary to have the Ministry have an eye on them both Poppy knew how important their work was and wasn’t scared into silence for having a target on their back. It was this utter fearlessness that led to Charity introducing Poppy to ALASTOR MOODY and joining the ranks of The Order of The Phoenix. Discovering there was an underground organisation trying to link the recent string of deaths and disappearances in London to one wizard as wild to Poppy but they were very committed to lending a hand. A bit of a hot head, Poppy has been assigned GLENDA CHITTOCK as a mentor who although is lacking in duelling ability is extremely stealthy and a very smooth talker. Helping them control their impulses to rush into situations and think more smartly, Poppy is enjoying learning from Glenda and has been helping them investigate a string of upper class villains they think are hiding amongst the upper class and are currently on the tale of mysterious French witch OPHELIA DELACOUR.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → They/Them

Identification → Non-Binary

Sexuality  → Queer

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education →  Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Gryffindor)

Societies → Sorcerers for Equality 

Family → Primrose Jorkins (sister), Daisy Hookum (sister), Billius Weasley (cousin), Fredrick Weasley (cousin), Arthur Weasley (cousin), Amycus Carrow (estranged cousin/adversary), Alecto Carrow (estranged cousin/adversary)

Connections  → Cardorac Dearborn (best friend), Demetrius McLaggen (close friend), Gwenog Jones (close friend), Maren Linwood (close friend), Emilia Grey (close friend), Cassiopeia Kim (close friend), Cressida Abercrombie (close friend), Aurora Sinistra (close friend), Tilden Toots (close friend), Saoirse MacMillan (friend/colleague), Charity Burbage (friend/colleague/idol), Glenda Chittock (mentor/friend), Dorcas Meadowes (friend/object of affection), Mary MacDonald (friend), Lily Evans (friend), Marlene McKinnon (friend), Ophelia Delacour (person of interest), Benjy Fenwick (idol) 

Future Information → N/A

POPPY HOOKUM IS A LEVEL 5 SORCERER.

[ageofwrathrpg]

Name: Agata Marszalek Litauska Age: 31 Ability: N/A  Faction: CIVILIAN as a POLICE LIEUTENANT Faceclaim: Morena Baccarin Availability: OPEN

THE STORY || CW: Abandonment, Neglect

Some little girls grow up being told that they are princesses and lavished with everything their hearts desire.  Some little girls grow up with their fathers wrapped around their little fingers. Some little girls grow up being told that they can be anything, that the world is their oyster and that they are limited only by their dreams. Agata was not that little girl.  The product of an affair between a Russian diplomat and a Swedish assistant, this infant was loathed by her mother — who would only see the mistake she had made — and abandoned at the hospital.  Fearing that a scandal would ruin his reputation and cost him his job, her father could not acknowledge her as his own and gave Agata her mother’s name to avoid suspicion.  Furthermore, he gave the child to his sister in exchange for hefty compensation (hush money) and the lie that her brother had helped her adopt a child.  Unfortunately, Agata’s aunt had never actually wanted children, preferring to live the socialite life and often neglecting her niece in favor of fancy banquets and parties.  Though her aunt had long ago told Agata about who her father really was, using her brother’s guilt as leverage to squeeze even more money out of him, Agata’s father did visit from time to time under the guise of being her “uncle”; however, his visits were few and far between.   

While her early childhood may have been lonely, Agata quickly learned how to care for herself.   Suffice to say, she very rarely experienced for herself the luxuries bought with her father’s money outside of attending a private school that proudly boasted of being Vila-free.  By the time she was 12, she could cook, clean, and even perform basic household repairs on her own.  Her puzzle-solving skills, along with her striking looks, made her very popular among her peers at school and she was never want for social friends.  During her senior year of high school, her aunt was not pleased that Agata was looking into getting a job and moving out -- if Agata left, then so would her father’s money!  Following a heated argument and many broken dishes, her aunt accused her of not even knowing what she wanted to do in life.  With a burning desire to prove this woman wrong, Agata grabbed the nearest random pamphlet from an assortment of career materials -- recruitment literature for the Moscow Police -- and defiantly shouted “This!  This is what I will be!  And you can’t stop me!”  Her aunt laughed at her, called her too lazy to ever be a police officer, and swore not to help her financially if she chose a ridiculous path like that.

Agata knew that training to be a police officer would be hard, but she wasn’t expecting it to be THAT hard.  Not to mention, the woman heading most of her lessons was a major hardass.  Agata barely managed to squeak by, accomplishing the bare minimum required to make it through, but she did still manage to graduate.  At first, the job was just something that gave her pride for proving her aunt wrong, that she COULD do it, but she didn’t have pride in the job itself.  After a while, it just became a decent paycheck.  But once she discovered that she could use that badge to manipulate certain situations, such as conveniently not noticing the escape of a perp or “overlooking” some contraband, the “supplemental income” made her job worth it.

THE CHARACTER

When looking up “independent woman” in the dictionary, no doubt one would find Agata’s picture.  She has unbreakable will, drive, and definitely knows how to handle herself when push comes to shove.  Sure, she’s had a few flings in the past, but none of them seemed to stick because she simply doesn’t see herself in a committed relationship with those particular individuals.  Though her colleagues think she’s lazy, she knows how to accomplish the bare minimum required to keep herself on the payroll.  Agata knows how to manipulate a situation to her favor, and knows that her beauty makes it all the more possible.  Because of her schooling as a child, she harbors a very natural fear of the possibility of crossing a vila that may use their power against her and, unfortunately since joining the force, such a thing has happened on more than one occasion.  This makes her wary of vilas in general and she will distance herself from them.  As for her family, Agata refuses to accept any financial assistance from her estranged father, adamant that she hasn’t needed his help at all in her life and she doesn’t plan to start relying on him any time soon.  She hasn’t spoken to her aunt since leaving for the academy and has no desire to change that, but if she did cross paths with that woman, Agata wouldn’t hesitate to rub her rank of lieutenant in that bitch’s face.

CONNECTIONS

Kim Seung-gi – This was the hardass that got Agata through training.  The woman is strong and she is terrifying, but there’s just something about her presence that commands respect.  These days, Major Kim is the boss and really the only one who manages to keep Agata in line.  Agata just hopes that Kim never finds out about about her dealings under tables and in dark alleys; losing Kim’s trust and getting on her bad side would be a fate worse than death.

Rashid Javed Bashir – Officer Sunshine and his annoyingly cheery disposition can just go get killed in combat for all she cares. Seriously. His goodie two-shoes attitude is cringe-worthy, and she swears up and down that he’s constantly trying to catch her doing something wrong so he can turn her in.  Then again, she might just be paranoid because he’s the sickeningly perfect and shining example of what a good cop should be.  She tries to be amiable, at the very least to keep him off her trail with any suspicions he may harbor, but she will never hesitate to toss a passive-aggressive remark at him when applicable.

Katya 'Kitty' Maksymevna Krupin – As one of those officers paid to “look the other way” when it comes to Massine’s, Agata’s first experience at the club involved Kitty throwing a man out of a window.  Needless to say, there was instant respect for this adorable little hostess.  This girl can certainly handle her own damn self -- no damsel in distress here!  Respect!  Though the atmosphere of this underground club is something she enjoys, it’s safe to say that one of the real reasons she visits so frequently is its spitfire owner.  There’s sure to be some form of excitement when Kitty’s around.

Raisa Mikhailovna Nazarowicz – Even if Raisa’s father left the crime syndicate ages ago, the name is a powerful thing.  It was strictly coincidence that Agata just happened to recognize this woman while on duty one night, having a hunch that she should follow her … and she was glad she did when Raisa was attacked! Agata didn’t think, she just sprung to action and defended Raisa against her assailant.  It was one of the rare moments in her career that Agata truly felt the duty, to protect and serve, and even stayed with this woman for weeks afterward to secure her home and ensure she would be safe and quickly bonded.  Agata has no idea her friend is a Vila.

Vladimir Kazimirovich Mikhaylov – Agata doesn’t know how this asshole found out the truth about her father, but he certainly wasn’t shy about letting her know that he knew.  And what’s more, he knows her friends, her colleagues, her mentors, anyone who has ever meant anything in her life.  He threatens to do nasty things with this information -- not just exposing it to the public along with her underhanded dealings in the shadows, but also threatening harm to those she cares about.  Because of this, she comes when he calls and does what he asks.  In truth, he terrifies her and she knows she’s in over her head, but she doesn’t know who she could trust to ask for help.   

[[ More Connections ]] 

ETC

When she was a little girl, Agata became deathly ill with pneumonia and was hospitalized for weeks.  Her father, stricken with panic that his little girl could die, demanded to go to the hospital where she’d been admitted.  His aides advised against this for the sake of preserving the scandal, so he sent her activity books instead.

Agata is quite proficient at finding missing things such as car keys and cell phones.  Her colleagues call this her “hidden” skill.  Pun intended.

Her father did attend her graduation from the police academy under the familiar guise of being her “uncle”.  He gave her a hearty handshake, a pair of pearl earrings, and told her how proud he was of her for choosing such an admirable profession.  Her aunt was not present for the 

She only wears her father’s pearl earrings on special occasions.  She particularly likes looking at herself in the mirror when she wears them because they remind her of what she’s capable of.

Just for fun, Agata enjoys putting together jigsaw puzzles of no less than 500 pieces.  Sometimes she’ll frame them and hang them on the walls of her townhouse.