#a mutually-assured attachment

[rapha3liii]

Some fun Sebastian sketches I spent way too much time on :')

I fully believe Seb wears a miku top to bed - its the only way!!

[cacoetheswriting]

a mutually assured attachment

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 3.9k summary: crossing the thin line between friendship and something more, but not before a few set backs.

warnings: set before tfatws, therapy positive, emotional hurt / comfort, mutual pinning, adult dialogue, use of pet names (sweets, darlin') mentions of food and alcohol consumption, a little bit of jealousy, friends to lovers, a conclusion to a lovely little slow burn

a/n: technically part of a mini-series, but can 100% be read as a standalone. also, unsure if anyone is still following this story, but i wanted to wrap it up ‘cause i really enjoyed starting this series all those months (years eek) ago. plus if anyone stumbles across it in the future, it will be complete! thank you for reading and for your support <3

SERIES MASTERLIST

Bucky Barnes did not think of himself as the jealous type.

Yes, he envied his fair share of individuals he encountered throughout his long life: the people who made life appear easy, those who seemed to have everything figured out, and everyone who took “mundane” for granted.

The regular Joe’s with their nine-to-five jobs, a random group of friends, and not a care past anything other than their stack of overdue bills or their fantasy football league (whatever the hell that was…). The average Jane’s who often reminded Bucky of his own mother, hoping to grow and nurture happy homes, full of sweetness and a load of laughter, desperately trying to shield everyone around them from pain and misery.

Envy, yes. Bucky was familiar with the feeling. Jealousy however… Well, jealousy was different.

Jealousy was usually a side effect of romance. It called for a connection stronger than Bucky allowed himself to form with the people he met ever since he became himself again. It involved trekking on dangerous territory and putting other people at risk, therefore no, James Buchanan Barnes was not the jealous type.

That is until he met you.

He’s learned to admit that you entered his life at a time he did not even realise he needed you most, turning it completely upside down (for the better) and providing him with a glimmer of hope that there was still good in this post-blip world.

He’s grown attached to you, opening up in more ways than one and sharing thoughts he hasn’t spoken about with anyone since Steve. Over time, you have easily grown to be his favourite person.

And now Bucky was sitting at the bar, picking at the label of the beer bottle in his grip while watching you toss your head back in laughter at something this random suit-wearing jerk was saying.

You disappeared for five minutes to go to the bathroom. Bucky thought nothing of it, even ordered you another drink while you were gone. But when you didn’t come back to your seat, stopping instead for a chat with a stranger, you unknowingly caused an unnerving feeling to rush through the brunette sergeant.

This wasn’t the first time someone tried hitting on you while you were out with Bucky, (and considering how jaw droppingly beautiful you were, he was actually quite surprised it didn’t happen more often). However, this was the first time you engaged back in the flirtatious interaction, which was more than unsettling to your blue-eyed neighbour. 

He wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug smirk off of the dude's face. Quite frankly, the only thing stopping him from doing so was the reason he wished to do it in the first place: you.

Fuck, Bucky cursed himself, this was jealousy.

Shifting in his seat so he wouldn’t have to witness you with that dunce, Bucky brought the beer bottle to his lips and, in one sip, finished what was left of his drink. He then paid the tab and was about to stand when a hand gently squeezed his shoulder, grabbing his attention.

“Sorry about that,” you said and he forced a smile.

“No need, darlin’,” Bucky reassured, hoping the tone of his voice didn’t betray him, although, judging by the elated look on your face, he had nothing to worry about. Your thoughts were focused entirely on something…  else.

“I was actually just about to leave,” he added and got to his feet. “Didn’t wanna disturb your conversation.”

You furrowed your brows. “What? No, don’t go,” you implored, sliding your hand from his shoulder down his leather covered arm until your fingers reached the hem of his jacket.

Bucky held his breath as you gripped the material, the softness of your skin just barely brushing against him.

“He gave me his number so I’ll call him later if I feel like it.”

“You stay,” he demanded, “I’ll go. There is something I gotta take care of anyway and I don’t wanna ruin your evening.”

Pursing your lips together, you eyed him suspiciously, scanning every inch of his face for any tale of dishonesty. See, during the time the two of you have spent in each other's company, you have gotten quite good at reading your brooding neighbour, despite his closed off demeanour. Which is how you could clearly see there was something bothering him.

However, you have also come to learn when to stop pushing him and give him space.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Bucky repeated and shooting you one last congenial smile, he walked towards the exit.

You watched him leave, his figure disappearing in the shadows of the rainy New York night. Inhaling a quick breath, you returned to the guy you were chatting with just moments prior, and four drinks later, you stopped thinking about Bucky.

Albeit just for the night.

The next morning you wound up at his door, as usual. When he didn’t immediately answer, you retreated back into your own apartment without giving it a second thought because it was definitely like Bucky to ignore you from time to time.

That afternoon you knocked on his door again, and you repeated the action after returning from work over the next four days — still no Bucky. And because he was also not answering his phone when you called or replied to any of your texts, the worry suddenly spread through your veins making you nauseous. 

Feeling conflicted about what to do next (since it wasn’t like you knew anyone else in his life you could reach out to) you decided to distract yourself any way you knew how, hoping one day the grumpy brunette would simply show up at your door as if nothing happened.

Unfortunately for you, keeping your mind from wandering about your blue-eyed neighbour proved harder than you wanted it to be and it wasn’t until a few weeks after you last saw Bucky, the perfect distraction finally made an appearance.

You often debated adopting a pet but your landlord didn’t allow any animals which seemed like reason enough. Now, you were standing face to face with what was perhaps the most beautiful cat you had ever seen, and as you cautiously approached it, the white feline inclined towards you, allowing you to gently run your fingers through its fur and eventually pick it up.

While carrying the cat to your apartment, you researched vet clinics in the area and promptly made an appointment for that same afternoon. Turns out your new furry friend was a she and the epitome of health, making you think there was someone out there missing her immensely.

While at work, you printed out flyers with a picture you took of her and your phone number at the bottom, before dropping them around town during lunch.

For about a week, you waited. Waited for your cell to buzz but no one ever called.

“Alone together, huh…” you murmured, gently running your fingers through her soft fur, “Guess I should give you a name then. Can’t keep calling you cat, you deserve better, don’t you think?”

She purred in response, as if she understood every word you just said, and you couldn’t help but smile.

The next couple of days were spent brainstorming potential names although nothing you came up with seemed to stick because either you didn’t entirely like it or she didn’t respond to it — mostly the latter.

“You’re so stubborn,” you tittered, watching her lick her paw, “I should call you ‘Bucky’.” The name escaped your lips and you immediately froze, your mood dampening.

That night you didn’t sleep. Tossing and turning all night, thinking about the blue-eyed man for the first time since the cat has entered your life.

Stirring sugar into your coffee the following morning, Bucky still occupied your thoughts. 

There was something about him you couldn’t quite shake. Despite the majority of the people in your life being there longer than your super soldier neighbour, the connection you two shared, well you couldn’t really explain it. Bucky just made you feel… different.

Frankly, you hated yourself for becoming so codependent on another human. Sure you had a good group of friends and even enjoyed the company of a couple of your colleagues, but no one meant as much to you as James Barnes.

The cat snuggled into your leg, purring softly. You tilted your head down to look at her, her blue eyes reminiscent of Bucky’s, and a defeated sigh escaped your lips.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you whispered and she blinked. For a moment you wondered if she sensed the growing sadness in your heart. You remember reading how pets can detect human emotion, which is why they provide so much comfort, but you had a hard time believing it, until now.

The corner of your mouth twitched upwards, shifting your expression into a half-smile. You were about to say something when a distinct jingle of keys drew your attention.

It couldn’t be, you thought and hastily dropped the teaspoon into the sink before heading for your front door.

At first you were almost certain you were seeing a ghost, pale and dishevelled. Then, for a brief second, you didn’t really know who you were looking at. An intruder or someone new moving in perhaps? (A lot of possibilities although you only wanted one to be true.)

It wasn’t until the person turned around, eyes meeting yours instantly, you realised it really was him.

Bucky was back. Unexpectedly. The exact same way he disappeared.

“Hey,” he greeted sheepishly.

Your first instinct was to get angry, but the longer you stared at him, heart thumping, the more you knew that wasn’t the rational thing to do. Anger wouldn’t solve anything, it wouldn’t answer any questions. And you had a lot of questions.

The next thought that ran through your mind was to throw your arms around his neck and nuzzle yourself into his embrace because you missed him goddamnit.

“I-I…”

While you debated exactly how to react and what to say to him, your furry friend squeezed between your legs. The quiet meows grabbed your attention momentarily along with the attention of the brunette man.

With a shaky hand, you lifted the cat up before meeting Bucky’s gaze once again.

“I-I got a pet,” you blurted out, immediately regretting it because what a lame thing to say to someone you genuinely thought you would never see again.

He cleared his throat and responded, “I can see that.” Pause. “What’s um, what’s his name?”

“Her name,” you corrected, “And to be honest she still doesn’t really have one. I’ve just been calling her random things to see what would suit.”

Biting on the inside of his cheek, Bucky fought back a smirk.

“That’s definitely unique,” he commented.

“Don’t tease me, James.”

Just as the two of you returned to your usual banter, silence surrounded once again when his name escaped your lips. An apologetic look spread across Bucky’s features and he took a step in your direction.

“I’m sorry.”

Bucky decided quite early on into his friendship with you that he would do anything to keep you out of harm's way. When his feelings towards you transformed from general fondness into something much stronger, he decided the best way to keep the promise he made to himself would be to distance himself, (at least until said feelings faded).

He never planned on leaving. He simply wanted to make himself unavailable some evenings or weekends, come up with lame excuses as to why he couldn’t hang out. But the night Bucky left you at the bar, returning to his sad apartment alone, he switched on the TV. Suddenly, he needed to visit Sam. He figured you would understand. He never planned being away for so long. He never planned on leaving you behind without so much as an “I’ll be back”.

Looking at you now however, bottom lip quivering and tears in your eyes, he fucked up. He should have at least answered your calls and texts. 

You sniffled. The cat, which was now half-resting on your shoulder, alerted immediately to the gentle sound of your undeniable sadness and rubbed its paw against your face.

“Uhm…” you cleared your throat, “I-I should go feed her.”

Bucky chewed on the inside of his cheek and nodded. He didn’t want you to leave yet, there was so much he had to say, a lot to explain. 

“Right, of course,” he uttered almost sheepishly, “Maybe later if you have some time we can—”

“Maybe,” you cut him off and did a u-turn back into your apartment, “Welcome back, James.”

-

The next couple of weeks passed uneventfully.

And no, you weren’t avoiding Bucky. Not entirely. It just so happened that every time you had to leave, you did so via the fire escape as opposed to your front door, and every time you heard him out in the hallway, you switched everything off and held your breath, pretending you weren’t home.

You rationalised your behaviour as necessary. It wasn’t avoidance. It was… self preservation. He hurt your feelings when he left. You couldn’t just let him waltz back into your life as if nothing happened, opening yourself up for pain yet again.

Bucky was understanding of your unspoken request to be left the fuck alone. He knew he screwed up but he wasn’t sure how to make things better. All he wanted was to see you smile, and be the reason for it. How could the two of you get to that point when the couple of times you bumped into one another it was awkward?

Was it going to be like this forever?

Luckily, you had your cat to keep you distracted. 

Despite not being named yet, she brightened your mornings and had a calming effect in the evenings. She sat at your feet while you were baking and purred into your chest when you were taking a nap. She followed you around the apartment like a trusted companion, even sitting on the bathroom floor while you showered.

So it was strange when one morning she wasn’t in your bed and it was even stranger when you didn’t hear her tapper around the apartment while you were getting ready. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of your stomach when you called her for breakfast by the various names you’ve so far come up with — no response.

By the time you had searched around your whole apartment, you were already late for work. At that point you were thinking you couldn’t go in anyway, your fucking cat was missing. One quick “I think I have food poisoning.” call later, you unlock your laptop in search for the flyers you made when you found her. Tears formed in your eyes while adjusting the title from ‘IS THIS YOUR CAT?’ to ‘HAVE YOU SEEN MY CAT?.

That’s when you knew you couldn’t do this alone.

A short two minutes later, your knuckles are pressed against the wooden door of your neighbours apartment. One, two, three gentle knocks later, and Bucky is standing in front of you.

“I need your help,” is all you managed to blurt out. It’s all you needed to say, really. Bucky doesn’t need any further explanation when it comes to you. He grabbed his jacket and followed you without question.

When you showed him the poster on your laptop screen, he reassured you in a calm tone. One that almost makes you believe him. One that almost makes you forget that he’s left you all alone, without a word. Almost.

“When did you last see her?” Bucky asked.

When you shrugged your shoulders in a defeated manner, he sighed softly and without really thinking about where your friendship currently stood, wrapped his strong arms around you. The second his frame closed around yours, you burst into tears, face pressed against his chest as he held you close, consoling you.

The world seems to come to a stand still at that moment.

You’re not sure how long the two of you stood there. Seconds, minutes. He did, however, manage to calm you down, bringing the waterfall to barely a trickle as you sniffled against his t-shirt.

When Bucky eventually dropped his arms, you avoided his gaze. Scared to admit out loud how good that felt and how glad you were he was here for you, since he’s hurt you once when you became too attached, and you weren’t going to let him do it again.

“How about you stay here, in case she comes back, and I’ll go search for her outside?” Bucky suggested, dipping his head to try and meet your teary eyes. His hand is on your shoulder, barely holding on as if he was afraid you would suddenly flinch and pull away — which he most definitely was.

All you did was nod, and as he headed out the door, a quiet “thank you” escaped your lips.

“Anything for you, darlin’.” Is what you think you heard, but the tone of Bucky’s voice is so quiet, you rationalised that you heard wrong.

The day was spent wandering aimlessly around your apartment, checking your phone every two minutes to see if Bucky had had any updates on the whereabouts of your little pet. He had not.

By the time the sky turned dusky dark, you had lost all hope. She’d never be found. It was as if the universe only meant for you to be together while Bucky was away. You couldn’t have both. That would be too good, too lucky.

But just as you were about to start crying again, a glass of cheap wine in hand, the doorknob rattled and seconds later, in walked Bucky, holding your precious feline friend in his metal arm.

“Oh my god,” you exhaled as relief took over your entire body.

You ambled forward, reaching for the cat in Bucky’s grasp as she meowed uncontrollably, seemingly happy to see you. And Bucky smiled as he watched you snuggle into the white creature, heartbeat growing tenfold with every tick of the clock.

“She uh,” he began as you moved across your apartment, settling down on the couch, “She’s quite the climber, that one. After a day of searching half of Brooklyn, I eventually found her on the rooftop of this very building.”

“Thank you,” you said without averting your gaze from your furry white friend.

What he wanted to say is, “Just glad I could be here for you,” but what he uttered instead was, “Don’t mention it, darlin’.”

For a moment, Bucky hovered in your entryway, unsure whether you wanted him to leave now or if he could stay, just like he did many times before. He decided to not push it. Decided it’s best for the longevity of your friendship to not force anything with you, especially since the strong feelings he had for you before he left have only increased in the time apart — complete opposite of what he wanted to happen.

So he turned on his heel, but just as he was about to say goodnight, you turned your attention to where he stood and waved him over.

“Stay,” you requested, “The least I can do as a thank you is order us some takeout.”

“You don’t have to do that, darlin’.”

“I want to,” you said honestly, hoping he can detect your sincerity, “Stay, please. I-I let you walk away once before and ended up not seeing you for months.”

He swallowed, but didn’t say anything.

“Please stay. I want you to stay, James.”

-

The morning light trickled in through your half-opened curtains, causing your eyes to open slightly and take in your usual surroundings. Except these weren’t entirely your usual surroundings. There was one thing different this Saturday morning as compared to others.

Bucky was still asleep, covered loosely by one of your many blankets. His chest heaved softly, quiet breathes escaping through his parted lips. He looked so peaceful sleeping in your bed, sleeping next to you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight before you.

You shifted to your side and slowly trailed your gaze along his pretty perfect features, focusing on the details you’ve honestly never noticed before. The scruff perfectly angling his jawline, the little crinkles in the corner of his eyes showcasing how he’s aged over the years, barely noticeable but still present.

Then the cat made an appearance, jumping on the bed, settling between you and the super soldier. Before you got a chance to shush it, not wanting to wake Bucky up, she purred against his shoulder.

A smile crept up on his features at the contact. Seconds later, he opened his eyes before slowly tilting his head to first look at the pet, then at you.

“Good mornin’.”

“Hey.”

There’s a moment of silence during which you two simply stare at one another. Time seemed to have come to a standstill. The blue of his eyes piercing, searching your gaze for what, neither of you were really sure. All you both knew was the longer you remained this way, the more your hearts swelled.

Bucky was suddenly feeling nervous, as were you.

“Thank you for staying,” you eventually whispered.

“Thank you for asking me to stay,” he replied.

Another second of silence. 

There was so much Bucky wanted to tell you, but the words were stuck in his throat because how can someone go from avoiding, leaving without a word, to admitting that they cannot live without the other person. And that’s exactly how he was feeling. He’s come to terms with it now. He couldn’t live without you.

Would you even feel the same? He wouldn’t expect you to. In fact, he would think you’d want to remain a little distant given everything that’s happened. But then again, if that’s how you felt, then why would you ask him to stay?

Maybe you just needed the extra push, same as him.

“Think you should name her Alpine,” Bucky suggested, one hand rubbing the cat that was now sitting on his chest, while the other reached for your fingers. Slow, but not hesitant. 

“Alpine,” you tested the name on your lips. “I like that.”

You take his hand then, intertwining your fingers together without commenting on the fact. He squeezed gently, testing the waters further, and you squeezed back — again, both of you choosing not to say anything about the physical interaction.

“Did you have any plans for today?” Bucky asked and you shook your head. “So, would you eh, would you wanna go somewhere?”

The smile on your lips widened.

“We do have a lot of catching up to do, neighbour.” A modest tease. One you hope won’t ruin the moment, or the day ahead.

He just chuckled, mimicking your expression and making any worries disappear just as fast as they threatened to break through.

“That we do, darlin’.” Pause. “I’m sorry for messing it all up. I promise to make it up to you, starting today.”

Taking his apology in, you let go of his hand, instantly missing his touch. Bucky was too, but he didn't get to completely register just how much because you shuffled closer to where he lay, closing the gap between you.

One arm extended towards his chest, resting gently as your fingers brushed a now sleeping Alpine, and also grazed against Bucky’s own in the process. The thudding of your heart inside your chest was most likely loud enough for him to hear — it was. He focused on it, the beating, and it calmed him entirely.

Your aura calmed him. It has since day one and he hoped it would until the end of his days on this Earth.

Yes, Bucky was more than attached to you.

Luckily, the feeling was mutual.

Sealed with a soft kiss.

as always, thank you so so much for reading, and please reblog to tell me what you think! <3

main masterlist

[rapha3liii]

THIS IS SO FUCKIN CUTEEEE THANKYOU!!!

I drew frog the dog from a mutually assured attachment by @rapha3liii I love that dog he's so cute and also stardew valley

[starlitscars]

Made of ice

Jackson era! Joel Miller x F! Reader

Summary: One stormy night in the safety of Wyoming, it occurs to Joel that even though life has turned his heart into a slab of ice, there's a soft, melting spot buried deep inside... Only reserved for you.

Word count: 5.2k

Masterlist

Tags/warnings: MDNI, NSFW, implied age gap, canon-typical violence, Joel Miller needs his own warning, protective! Joel, soft! Joel, angst, fluff, smut, finger sucking, fingering, pet names, praise kink, language, no use of y/n, soft dom! Joel, negative thoughts, dea*h wish, self-doubt, self-confidence issues, Joel is a sweetheart here (but he doesn't think he's worthy of peace), rain, lots of rain, lightning, stormy weather, kinda established relationship, let me know if a tag has gone unnoticed.

Author's note: This is my very first attempt at writing for Joel Miller. I've had the idea in my mind for a few weeks now and it's hard to resist when it comes to him (did I say Pedro Pascal?) So I hope the details are accurate and if you decide to read this one shot, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing it. If you want to be mutuals, I'll be more than glad <3

Divider by: saradika-graphics

Made of ice

You should've seen what you made of him.

The calm, slow beats in his chest are strikingly different from how he remembers them. In fact, he vaguely recalls the way those racing, dreadful patterns had carved themselves into his memory. With a rigid heart made of ice, it was nearly impossible to find the pulse in him, even at his most frightened, disappointed state. 

Joel used to walk into the face of danger with a rifle clutched in his dying grip, a life to save and thousands to destroy, and in all those moments any sign of life was nonexistent in him. There used to be rage, hatred, regret, and frustration... Oh lots of frustration, running through the veins in his body. He used to walk, talk, and breathe. But he wasn't alive.

Now he doesn't find it in himself to call it miracle. But somewhere between the lines, you happened. You happened and fuelled the dying fire in the far corner of his heart. He used to keep it empty and dark, like a deserted house with no furniture, a perfect place for the noises in his head to become loud and maybe help him stand the never-ending days of what everyone called life. 

You entered his life and now most of what he feels in these old veins is warmth, safety and attachment. Yes, he doesn't call it miracle, because his past doings are too  stained and unforgivable to deserve a miracle. To deserve you. The real miracle. The fathomable idea of what it feels to be alive.

Joel feels alive.

Some days, it feels like his wretched past is clawing its way back into his mind, calling those demons to end his days of peace with you. Some nights, he's restless... So terribly restless. What if you get injured on your next patrol? What if the Raiders attack you when you're out of the gates of Jackson? What if something bad happens to you the moment his eyes close? What if these damn what ifs come to life? This old mind tricks him into seeing pictures of what has never happened and probably never will. You always assure him that you'll be careful. He trusts you and your abilities, but he does not trust his fears. Because if life is too good, it scares him. 

It scares Joel Miller, way more than it would if he was trapped in a dark room with all of his fears and demons creeping on the cold hard floor towards him. He'd rather spend every day fighting off the Clickers and Raiders and every nasty threat out there, instead of pacing around the room and waiting to see if your patrols end well or not.

So he has no choice but to either convince Tommy to pick him as your patrol partner every damn time you have to do it – which he makes sure is as limited as possible – or occasionally keep an eye on you from a distance and let his thoughts consume him at the same time. Just like what he's doing now. 

His persistence in being close to you tends to earn him annoyed eye rolls and "She's more capable than that, Joel." comments from his brother... almost all the time. But he simply can't help it, and he thinks that you know it. Because you never complain nor haul him over the coals for his instincts and worries and the immense amount of care his rigid heart feels for you. He's silently thankful for that understanding.

You are safe here, he thinks. Even though he feels restless, his heartbeat has never been this calm. He sits and watches you on nights like this and there's only one thought ringing in his head. All the scolding is worth it. You're sprawled out peacefully on the bed. His bed. It must be straight out of a fucking impossible dream. You're here, in his atmosphere, in his menacing, guilty, dark presence... And you have chosen it knowingly. It's all he can ever ask for. 

The dim moonlight is swimming in through the curtains, casting a soft, silvery shadow over your face. Your hair is falling all around you like you're knowingly doing it... Posing for an artist just to paint this delicate beauty on a canva. 

Despite his bitter mood, a content smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Tearing his gaze from you, he downs the remaining whiskey and silently places the empty glass on the table, deciding that he needs a short walk to free his troubled mind. One morning, Maria woke up and decided that Joel needs to stay behind and help Tommy in fixing the issues in the town's only library. So you should have another partner for your patrol days for god knows how long. He fucking hates being told what to do. He fought tooth and nail to prevent that, and if you weren't there to stop him, he would as well turn the mess hall into another ruin that needed to be fixed – which only meant more time away from you. 

So it's going to take only two weeks, at worst. Only a terrible fortnight before things go back to normal. It's almost unbelievable how you have managed to awaken a sense of normalcy in him that he hasn't known in decades. Your absence is an instant threat to this normal life.

Maybe it's about time he gets used to it. He's not that weak. He shouldn't let his angers and worries run him. More importantly, he shouldn't ruin your much needed sleep with his usual problems right now. You've still got the weekend. He'll take a walk and be back here before you as much as stir in your deep slumber.

Oh. The damn library.

...

Jackson is eerily quiet in the middle of the night, enveloped by darkness and as isolated as it can be in this corner of the world. It's a stark contrast to how busy the whole community is during the daylight – bustling with happy greetings, careless jokes, movie days, small parties, and lots of work to do. It all asks for social interaction and he deeply hates it.

He hates when every passer-by's attention turns to you every time you step out in the open. He hates how prying eyes rove up and down your frame every time you walk into the bar. He hates how... He shakes his head, almost rolling his eyes at the loudness of these thoughts. Joel has to remind himself that he is the one you hold onto and introduce to everyone in every social gathering. The proud gleam in your eyes always placates him. There's no need to break a jaw in this town... Perhaps.

Lights flicker by the porches and the sound of his boots on the ground is the only sound that disturbs the silence. The sky is clouding over, distantly promising another stormy night in its gloomy wake. Occasional flashes of lightning light up the road and before Joel knows it, he's passing by the Tipsy Bison. It's 3 past midnight, no wonder why its doors are locked and closed. Either way he comes to a halt, letting the gears turn in his head as he opts for a very familiar path.

Your house. It's a short walk away from the bar.

Joel still recalls that day. How long has it been? Five, six, seven months? It feels like yesterday to him.

He'd had a terrible conversation with Tommy, not at all the way he'd planned it on his first day in Jackson. Things got heated up pretty quickly, leaving a bitter taste of rejection lingering on his tongue, the burn of the whiskey only worsening his mood.

"Just because life stopped for you, doesn't mean it has to stop for me..."

The words were ringing in his head as he stormed out of the bar. Shrugging his jacket on, all he wanted was to walk as far away from that area as possible. This affronted, begrudging, irrational sting was boiling in him and in that moment he was more than ready to leave the gates of Jackson even if it called for more danger. Life had really ended for him years ago, but to hear it from Tommy right after the hell he'd went through to find him... It really hurt. 

The pain was resurfacing in rapid tides.

If his boots could dig deeper, get stuck in the snow and propel him into the cold biting blanket of the earth, he'd welcome it. If life had really ended for him, he had to make it make sense by ending himself as well. This... There was this distant melody echoing in the air and cutting through his troubles thoughts. The wind was harsh against his ears, and each step brought the melody closer. 

It really could be the last song that played before his funeral.  

Joel was surrounded by all the colors, and all he could see was white, eyes fixed on the ground. He didn't pay much attention as he bumped into someone. He barely lifted his head to apologize, and then his gaze settled on the crackling fire on the left side of the road. 

Red and orange and yellow hues. It was a fresh contrast. His eyes were hurting from all the white snow.

He came to a halt, mindlessly waving at the person he'd bumped into. A dozen of kids had gathered around the burning logs in a barrel on the porch, rubbing their hands together and listening to the same melody he was entranced by. The same melody that he thought would be his burial hymn.

Joel's eyes followed their excited faces, wondering who they were looking at. He saw you mirroring their hopeful gleams first, and then he registered the guitar on your lap. 

To make the matters worse, you had tilted your head, shooting him a funnily quizzical look. He might've looked weird back then. The town's newcomer, with a permanent scowl on his face, maybe plotting murder as well (considering that it was the main topic in all the words that already flew around about him).

He didn't answer, still dead in his tracks as if he was immobilized by some invisible force. So you shifted in your seat, silently offering him a spot among the children as if to say "You can come over and join us."

He had two choices in that moment, either a polite decline was on the table or a dismissive frown. He looked over his shoulder at the bar and finally opted for the third choice – or so his mind created another choice for him – and he nodded, joining in on your little gathering without as much as saying a word. He really wanted to hear that song.

He never asked whether you knew the words to that song, but that night when he lay in bed and his thoughts were far from the idea that he wanted to bury himself in the snow, he vaguely remembered the lyrics. And it hit him hard, like a punch to the gut.

Yeah, I don't want to hurt

There's so much in this world 

To make me bleed

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Stay with me

You're all I see

He wanted to ignore how the words affected him in the middle of the night. It was the first night he could feel some semblance of peace, not sleeping with an eye open in case someone attacked them. Ellie was safe in another room. So he really considered that. He considered the possibility of staying. He was relatively new to the community... And so damn unaccustomed to the whole arrangement. He almost woke up the next morning and started packing before he remembered where he was.

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Those words stuck with him.

And his first encounter with you was a harbinger of different things to come.

One day of patrolling with you led to another, one night of inviting you for a drink led to another. One peaceful afternoon in the stable led to another. One gloomy evening in the clinic did not lead to another. He was way too protective of you to let that happen again.

He truly feels lucky. You could be anywhere else, better off if you picked anyone other than this grumpy, old man. And yet you still want him. You silly girl. You've melted his heart with your warmth. 

But he's like a lake, deserted in the middle of a haunted forest and engulfed in coldness. Even though the center is warm and gooey, he keeps the surface frozen and rigid and menacing. Hard enough to keep his instincts sane and alarmed. Cold enough to let everyone know that you're his and he will not fucking share. 

Lightning strikes again in the sky.

He lifts himself up and off your front stairs with a heavy grunt. An hour has passed since he left for a walk. The clouds have fully gathered in the sky and he thinks that he should be by your side now.

Joel really cares little for the details, always asking Tommy and Ellie to spare him the explanation and get straight to the point. But with you, it's hard to forget a couple of things. One night, a few weeks ago, you were pulling him past the threshold of your house. So adorably drunk and inviting. He was still a little pissed by how the rainstorm had ruined your nightly walk. Despite your complaints about sharing a kiss in the rain, he'd dragged you back to the nearest shelter possible, because he just didn't want to get fucking soaked. Joel didn't find it romantic at all. He was frowning, still pinning you against the wall for a begrudgingly needy kiss. You giggled into his mouth, playful fingers pocking at his chest. "Come on Joel. Let yourself enjoy it... All these neverending drops on the roof, the fresh earthy scent that comes after it... It's just really beautiful. One of the few things that kept me sane before I came here..." 

He's not really against the idea. But the changing weather doesn't bode well with him. One day is sunny, and the next is rainy and it just goes to show how he has no power over the situation.

Hell. A part of Joel is really terrified of the changing weather. One day it was scorching hot, and the next his boots crunched against the white blankets of neverending snow, reprimanding him for his carelessness. Time would pass whether he wanted to or not. He is still terrified, wishing he could stretch the time he could spend with you. God knows he wants an eternity with you. 

He has seen enough rain for a lifetime. He hasn't seen you enough. How could he enjoy getting soaked in tiny drops of water when all he wanted was to bury his face in the crook of your neck and stay there for a while – maybe forever and a little more?

But he has considered it since then. If there are a few things that keep you happy and rainy days have to be one of them, he'll give you that. He'll get used to that. There's no pattern with the rainfall in here, and the weather forecast is pretty much nonexistent. He has promised himself to tell you whenever it rains, even though he despises the idea of you catching a cold after minutes or hours of dancing in the cold, letting droplets of water wash over you without a care in this wretched world. 

He also despises the idea of waking you up.

But he knows you'll like it. You careless, adorable girl. He lives to see that excited gleam in your eyes. Everytime you show it, this old heart pounds impatiently in his chest and it all feels like the first time it has happened.

He's back home in no time. 

So, kicking his boots off as silently as possible, he trudges over and settles down by the edge of the bed, suppressing a low groan. His knees still ache from all the never-ending effort he's put in repairing the library over the past few days. Jesus, he just wants it to be done as soon as possible. It feels like he's losing so much time when he's away from you. Now that you're still pretty much asleep in the same position he last saw you, all Joel wants is to lie down by your side and melt in your warm embrace instead of having to fight with his thoughts and the world to not take away yet another precious piece of him. He can't afford to even think about losing you.

Each flash of lightning illuminates the contours of your beautiful face and he can't help himself when he lifts a hand and lets his knuckles gently stroke your cheek. Your lips are parted ever so slightly and you look so innocent in your unconscious dream. He almost backs down, part of him hoping that it rains throughout the day, just so he doesn't guilt trip himself for the pout on your face if you miss it. You need to rest.

As if you sense his hesitation, you stir in bed and lean into his touch. A low hum escapes you, and Joel is too weak to deny himself the softness it brings. His wounded knuckles are soon replaced with a calloused thumb and he wonders what's so interesting about these hands that never ceases to catch your attention.

One night at the bar, Joel had caught you actually staring at them and when he teased you a little about it, you just shrugged and grinned mischievously. "I mean... I just like them so much. Your hands are always warm, and... and that's all."

He shrugged it off that night. Ellie had also considered it a flex for him to have warm hands even in the coldest days of winter, but with you and the way you looked at him... It was different. He knew it was more than that. 

And when the nights he shared with you went further than his sinful thoughts had planned, you showed him that it was more than that. It was more than the warmth you found there. If anything, your helpless whimpers were an indication of how capable and strong these hands were.

Heat blooms in his chest. It simply is endearing. The way you always seem to recognize his touch and send his head spiraling with the idea that you want him to do more. You've never been afraid of him. You've never pushed him away. You've never judged him for the horrible things he's done. Jesus, it should terrify him. Joel should've pushed you away at some point, because he knows you'd be better off without him, but how could he muster the strength to do so? Since that fateful moment on your porch, your presence keeps on inviting him for more. More than simply existing. And God, if you knew how he wants to do more than that every second of the day... Only if the world lets him breathe a little.

There's another bolt of lightning and raindrops finally begin to drum against the window pane.

Joel shakes his head to get rid of those worrisome ideas. Propping himself on one elbow, he leans over ever so slightly and lets his thumb trace its way to your chin, up to your jawline, and then back to the soft skin on your cheek. He draws circles over the blooming flush and then his thumb is traveling down to your lower lip. Your mouth parts just a little more, breathing even and content and if he gets a grip on himself, he may notice that there's a ghost of a smile in there as well.

"Baby..." He whispers softly, his gaze drifting all over your adorable face. You really are a piece of art, tangled in the sheets, in the safety of his house, and your innocent hums are doing something to him. Some obscene voice that silently pleads for more. More and more... Just to give you more. 

You stir a little more.

He leans over and places a gentle kiss on your forehead, the sweet, fruity scent he's come to like a lot about you engulfing his senses. He watches every little movement with amusement. "My sweet baby... You want to see what's waitin' for you outside."

"Joel," you mumble sleepily, voice drowsy and laced with a hint of confusion as you rub your eyes and stretch your arms before looking around the dark room with a quizzical expression on your face. It doesn't take long for the realization to hit you and the familiar gleam in your gaze makes him smile. You stare a him, wide-eyed. "is it- again?"

He chuckles and gestures at the window. "Yes, a heavy one at that."

Again, there's that hum of delight as you follow his gaze. The pitter-patter of the rain cheers you up like a lollipop would do to a child. It's maddeningly adorable.

You should be running to the backyard by now, but instead you stare at him for a while. It's his turn to be confused. Your smile gets broader by each passing second as your delicate hands trace his face and run over the salt and pepper patches of his beard. When you playfully ruffle his hair, your eyes are still droopy and dreamy and so damn kissable that he just can't help himself.

His other hand fondles with a loose strand of hair beside you on the pillow before twirling it between his fingers. You bite your lower lip and lift your head just enough for a brief peck on the tip of his nose. He chuckles, letting his fingers draw a line over the column of your neck, down to your chest, and at last they disappear beneath the sheets, settling comfortably on the warm expanse of your belly. 

Joel assumes that his presence is not too close to lock you in place, and yet not too loose to let you drift back into unconsciousness. You just have the perfect moment to escape. For goodness sake, rain is the one thing you choose over anything else. The thing you like a lot.

But you're still here, dazed eyes flickering all over his face and it just gives him a second thought. A new idea to test your patience. Seeing you still pinned under him and unmoving, was not really in his list when he decided to walk back home and wake you up. He chortles with amusement. If you want what he thinks you do, he could give you that... "Come on sweetheart, what's stoppin' you?"

His fingers drift lower, exploring the bare flesh of your thigh, right where his mouth was hours ago. Still as warm as he remembers, maybe a little bruised too. "It's all rainy outside. Ain't that what you wanted?"

"I know..." You mumble, an undertone of need sewn in your voice as you look down over the sheets that cover every movement of his hand. It's too dark for you to see anything anyway. He could easily toss the covers aside, but it's wickedly satisfying this way. "I'm- um, just feeling a little under the influence...and it's- uh, it's distracting."

His hand caresses its way to where he knows you need it the most, and you barely repress a shudder when his fingertips glide over your folds. But he barely feels you, a ghost of a touch hovering there as a smirk threatens to flicker at the corner of his mouth.

"Wonder if my hand's makin' a good influence or a bad one. What d'you say, baby?"

It pelts down steadily outside, but you don't seem to care the slightest about it. Neither does Joel. A low gasp emanates from you when his touch becomes proper, rubbing circles and spreading the slick over your clit as slow and unrushed as he physically can manage. You're still indecently wet after he'd brought you over the edge again and again before you dozed off... and the fact that some of his cum might be gathering in his hand is fueling his lewd thoughts.

You naughty girl.

"A very bad one, I see." He tuts, feeling your chest heaving up and down beneath him. It's easy to rile you up this way. Desperation is written in your expression... and he hasn't even started yet.

"She needs fixin', doesn't she?" Joel asks, bringing his movement to a sudden halt. You're too distracted by everything he does to form a coherent thought. He lifts an expectant brow, now actually waiting for an answer.

"Yes- yes Joel... need it so bad... so bad it hurts." You breathe, a helpless pout forming on your lips.

"I know baby. I know... Jus' lay down and let me take care of it, hm? How's that sound?" He demands again, but this time he doesn't give you a chance to respond as he pushes two fingers past your weeping hole, burying them knuckles deep within your warmth. You gasp at the sudden intrusion, eyelids heavy as you grasp his arm, squirming like a helpless, needy girl.

What a cruel man he is.

"Not off to a good start, angel. I know you can be more patient."

You nod quickly, biting your lip in an attempt to stop yourself from wriggling and twisting on the bed. For a split second, Joel considers pulling out to nuzzle his face between your legs and let the heat consume him. A perfect place to brave the cold, restless seasons. 

But his fingers aren't shy either. He starts with slow thrusts, effortlessly sliding in and out before picking up the pace. He makes you adjust to his rhythm, and when you let go and open up, the obscene moans and chocked out cries are all that fill the silence of the house. Jesus, he lives to hear them every day. He rewards you by curling his fingertips to hit that spot that makes you see stars.

You shudder particularly hard at that, more arousal pooling inside you and soaking his fingers. You're losing your grip with reality, and he can sende it as your legs begin to shake and your knee brushes over the denim of his jeans, but you still remember to abide by his "No squirming" rule.

You're so pliant and obedient in his hands that it does nothing but to spur Joel to give you more. And so he does.

"I like these sounds," He adds a third finger, tilting his head to whisper in your ear. "I dream about them all the time."

You whimper and tighten your hold around Joel's arm. When he feels that your orgasm is creeping impossibly close, his thumb joins and rubs rapid circles over your bundle of nerves and that's your undoing. You clench around him, walls tightening and squeezing his fingers deeper – if that's even possible – as waves of white-hot euphoria crash over your worn out body and take over your senses. Your back arches involuntarily into him. A sound between a groan and a curse escapes his throat.

"That's it. Atta girl... that's it, so fuckin' beautiful."

His touch is unrelenting as he talks you through it with a string of sweet nothings. 

Only when you come down and rest back on the bed he slowly pulls out. You're panting heavily, face flushed and heated and so effortlessly seductive that Joel is sure no fucking artist could ever capture it in words of a poem or colors of a painting. Joel is the only one to witness this moment and it swells his chest with pride. He wants to drink it in, let it run through his veins like never-ending liquor.

He lifts his hand, smirking as you gape at the way it's glistening under the dim light. You're in awe. He softly places the tips between your swollen lips and you waste no time in swirling your tongue around them, licking the slick off as if it's a delightful lollipop. And the hazy look on your face says that it's more than just a sweet treat.

His own breathing hitches when you open your mouth a little wider and take him fully in, sucking and humming and driving him absolutely crazy. He shakes his head slightly, catching the playful gleam in your gaze.

"Hm. Still a very bad influence."

When you're fully recovered and satisfied, Joel lifts you up in his arms and walks towards the backyard, chuckling at your confused expression. You give a squeal and wrap your hands around his neck to keep yourself steady, at the same time trying to gauge what his next plan would be. You really have forgotten about the rain, haven't you?

He comes to a halt, making sure the blanket he'd just picked off the bed is not leaving any part of your body uncovered. The rainstorm has eased off considerably over the past hour, but he doesn't want to risk it. Keeping you warm and safe in the cold is and will always be his top priority, no matter if his back or knees protest from how much they ache. Hell, he aches for you and that content smile on your face. Nothing beats it.

"My girl still wants to go out, hm?"

Your eyes flicker between him and the half-open door, filled with excitement and delight and a tiny flicker of doubt. "Yes Joel... but...you sure you want to join in?"

"I don't know," He feigns innocence, pretending to think for a short while before his face lights up with an idea. "Do I get a kiss for it?"

You laugh and lean up to press your lips into his in a soft, lingering kiss. It's so tender and reassuring that he has to pull back before changing his mind and taking you back to the bed.

"Then it's settled."

It has been settled for a long time.

Maybe he can get used to it. Maybe you get a better idea of what you've made of him with your presence at times when he easily complies with things that make you happy. A heart made of ice, molten enough to experience the world with you all over again. Even if he gets soaked in the rain, he's alright with it. You kiss him and all the discomfort is forgotten.

He should give it time and learn to breathe again. Learn to stay, to settle. To let you know that you're all he sees.

Yeah, I don't want to hurt

There's so much in this world 

To make me bleed

Stay with me

Let's just breathe

Stay with me

You're all I see

The words are carved in his head. He chances a glance at the living room before walking past the door. Your guitar is placed on the couch. Maybe one day he'll bring himself to play his melodies for you too. He think that he's got a lot of time for it now. He wants an eternity with you, and in this wretched world, eternity lasts as long as you'll have him.

One, two... Ten droplets fall over him. He kisses you again, harder and longer. His ice-cold heart melts just a little more at your careless laughter. Just stay with me.

[auspicioustidings]

You get married to Laird John MacTavish as a business arrangement of sorts. When you caught him getting buggered by Duke Riley in the gardens they had both thought you would ruin them, but instead you proposed a mutually beneficial arrangement. You needed to be married so your husband could inherit your parents estate before your father died and it all went to your awful cousin and Laird MacTavish needed to get married to quell the rumours of his deviance. Duke Riley is rich and powerful enough that a scandal would hurt but not destroy him, but as only a Laird it would bring MacTavish to utter ruination.

So you became Lady MacTavish and assure your husband that you do not mind the shame of being called barren so he needn't bother himself with coming to your bed chambers when there is another he would prefer to share his with.

You think yourself very clever for this whole scheme but you are about to learn that Duke Riley does not share affections and when he sees his Johnny growing attached to his new wife, well he needs to make sure everyone understands who he belongs to and by extension who you now belong to.

[rapha3liii]

Canon behaviour you can't convince me otherwise-

Sebastian is getting scolded for smoking infront of the little ones , Abigail is five seconds away from murdering a townsfolk and Sam (who was supposed to help Penny watch the kids) is somehow getting the blame for the group... just as god intended

Stardew Valley fair

[sleyu]

thinking of perv!bf james who begs you to let him take dirty polaroids of you for when you’re apart. cause how else is he meant to get off without an image of his cum on your pretty tits or you choking on his cock? definitely keeps them in his wallet for easy access too

perfect timing, i just came back from work and all i could think about as i was making people’s drinks was perv ! james…

i am positively going insane at the thought of this. i referenced james asking for photos of you in my james bf headcanons, but i totally forgot to mention all the nudes he would beg for during summer vacation.（；＿；）♡

dating you has gotten him sex addicted and he can only spend so long merely imagining your face and body :( he has such a tough time cumming without you and he hates not having you there or being forced to resort to masturbating because it only further reminds him of his loneliness.

but, the photo-system you guys developed assures him that he’s the only one that gets to have personalized photos of you in his hands that are attached along with every love letter you send him. it also eases his loneliness and makes spending time apart easier for the both of you.

right before school ends, you suggest taking photos of the two of you for when the summer holiday begins and you both are separated by the barrier that is vacations and dependent families.

james practically loses his mind at the thought of this and he makes it his mission to take photos of you from his favourite angles and sights: taking you from behind (he begs you to turn your face to look at him so that it appears in the photo), your cum-covered face and tits, your legs spread with cum dripping out of your abused cunt, you choking on his cock, and your naked, spent body sprawled across his bed, fucked out after a particularly rough session.

some photos are downright filthy (every photo with the cum) which are the ones that he jerks off to the most, whereas others are taken with an artistic eye, aesthetically pleasing enough for him to put in his wallet or on the corner of his bedroom mirror.

the photo of you in his wallet would be something pretty and taken with purpose. it would either be your cum covered, smiling face (so that anyone who takes a glance at his wallet would assume it’s simply an innocent photo of his girlfriend), or, as we know, james loves the risk, a photo of your bruised and bitten tits, littered with hickeys and love bites.

god, when james finally reaches home from hogwarts, he immediately locks himself in his room to pull out the envelope of polaroids he’s taken over the year, eagerly searching through the photos he had taken of you. james is such a little pervert that his cock was already beginning to throb at the mere thought of jerking off to those photos of you.

even though you knew that he had these photos intended for his own personal, depraved purposes, something about pulling out his cock out from his slacks and slowly stroking himself to your pretty, candid, unknowing face—occasionally slapping his cock gently on the laminated paper—was so filthy and lewd to him.

of course, the picture deal has to be mutual and he’s more than happy to send you nude photos of him. one of the photos would be his hard, leaking cock tributing to the cum-covered photo of you smiling. looking at the photo and realizing how creepy and perverted it comes across only made the ache in his cock worse. he’d graze his length against his pillow, groaning to himself, making a silent prayer that all of this is enough to relieve the constant need in him and his craving for your cunt.

‘’m so fuckin’ sick,’ he’d sigh, grinning wolfishly.

i also have a sick feeling that not only james, but the rest of the marauders favourite photos to jerk themselves off to are the innocent ones in which you’re smiling happily into the camera, showing off your pretty sundress. of course, nothing beats the lewd photos of you, but they find themselves cumming harder at the unsuspecting photos, imagining your cute, smiling face in front of them, eagerly waiting to be covered and marked by their cum. something about tainting and subsequently corrupting the innocence and purity that the casual photos reveal drives them mad.

‘gonna fuckin’ ruin you the next time i see you—fuck,’

[letorip]

Which of Jenna’s characters do you think would be the clingiest? (I loved your headcannons ❤️)

most clingy

this was a very wholesome one to think about, i had great fun. thank you the anon who submitted this. same deal as last time, if you're tl;dr my take is at the bottom

wednesday addams:

she likes to put up a tough front of needing nobody and desiring to be alone, but once she falls for you, it's as bad as morticia and gomez

you live in a room on the other side of campus, and she's made it a habit of sneaking to your room almost every night. she scales the fucking dangerous, rickety old roof to get there each time, but she'll do it, because she'll get to sleep with you

sometimes it's to sleep with you, if you catch my not-so-subtle drift, and then other times it's because she wants to sleep with you

of course, she'll disguise it as "my room has broken air conditioning" or "enid is snoring," and you just smile, nod, and lift the sheets for her to get in

she's not a huge cuddler in the sense that she wants to lay directly on you, but she wants to be around, in the same bed

you do this almost every night, and if you don't, she's knocking on your door right when people are let out of their rooms in the morning to hang out (or make out) before breakfast starts

she's virtually moved in with you, at this point. she has a toothbrush in your bathroom, several outfits in your dresser (in her own drawer), and she leaves dead animal skulls and occult books around to "liven up the place." they definitely don't match your pre-existing decor, but you don't mind because it's wednesday

she's not super fond of pda of any sort, but she'll definitely be right by your side when you're hanging with mutual friends. she'll hold hands under the table or kiss you when there's a private moment, but she's not all over you physically when other people are staring at you both

she does definitely get super jealous

she'll make little comments like "bianca seemed friendly" or "divina finds you awfully funny." if you're tutoring someone in the library, guess who will also miraculously be at the library at the same time? sitting in a chair with a perfect angle of the table you're at and peeking over the top of her book

wednesday is almost always with you, because you're one of the few people she trusts and longs to frequently be with

tara carpenter:

you live with tara and sam, so it makes sense that you and tara slowly grow closer and closer until you start dating

she absolutely loves to have at least one point of contact with you whenever she can. she'll lean against you, lean her head on your shoulder, wrap an arm around you, just let your shoulders touch, or when she really wants to, she'll leave a hand on your knee

when you’re both watching a movie, she’ll cuddle up against your chest and start to fall asleep there, especially if it’s one she’s seen before. you turn the movie off but don’t move, because if you do tara will wake up

during the events of scream vi or any time there’s a ghostface threat levied towards her or sam, she’s especially attached to you. she doesn’t sleep as well and refuses to leave your side, as she’s paranoid ghostface will come to take you from her

you assure her that you’re okay and she can sleep, grabbing her hand and squeezing it three times (i. love. you.). it calms tara down a bit, and though she’s still worried and makes sure the apartment is locked and you’re all safe, it helps her sleep

when things calm down again, she’s not super clingy in the sense that she’s always with you. you’re both in college and have your own classes, and though she wants you near, you both can function as separate people. it doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to be with you, but your work and school keeps you both a bit more apart during the day

you both text frequently though, not because she doesn’t trust you and wants to be on top of you, but because it’s just nice to hear from you and you both love talking to each other. she’ll send you photos of cute dogs she sees on instagram or a reel she finds funny with a little note at the bottom that says ‘hope your day is going well <3’

tara does get rather jealous at parties. it’s not your fault you’re hot, but when other people approach you to “talk,” 9 times out of 10 you’re too oblivious to realise you’re being hit on

she’ll walk right over to the conversation you’re having with someone random and duck under your arm to wrap it around her shoulders. if that doesn’t work, she also has the tactic of narrowing her eyes, or if she’s feeling especially bold, just grabbing your wrist and dragging you away to shove you down on some random bed

people know in general not to fuck with tara when it comes to you. in a way it makes you her weak spot, but she will absolutely raise hell and stab whoever she needs to, in order to make sure you’re okay

shes definitely a cuddler. she’ll drag you back into bed and wrap an arm around your torso and hold you there. sam always wrinkles her nose whenever she walks past you both cuddled up against each other on the couch after a long day

lorraine day:

you meet lorraine as an actor in the adult films, when she’s still with RJ. it causes a bit of drama when she leaves him for you, but once you and her are officially together she never ever wants to leave your side

it even means she starts acting in them herself, and the best part is that with you, it’s not even really acting. she loves every minute and how free you make her feel, and because she feels it strongest while in your presence, she chases after it all the time

she’s a giant hugger, wether it be side hugging, or wrapping her arms around your waist from behind, to rest her head on your shoulder and watch whatever thing you’re doing

lorraine is so in love, and with you it’s a sweetness that shoots up her veins like heroin. you both eat together, sleep together, work together, and travel together

you always travel together except for once, when you had to go check on your father as his health declined. it was two states away and you went alone, because lorraine was due to keep shooting with jackson, maxine, and bobby-lynne. the entire time you were away after the filming wrapped, she stared out the damn window over the hill, waiting for you to pull up in your truck

it wasn’t long enough a time that she could’ve written a letter, but she felt like a soldier’s wife craving your call

when you got back she ran out to meet you and jumped into your arms. you twirl her around with a laugh and she’s crying into your hands and kissing your palms and then kissing you.

you laugh and say “lorraine, it’s been three days,” but she shakes her head and kisses you again. she’s so happy you’re home you go AT it that night, to the point where wayne knocks on your door to tell you to quiet down

she’s wanted to marry you since the minute she met you, and she tells you as such, even though it’s been a bit over a year

she doesn’t get super jealous, just because she knows fucking other people is just what you do for work. it feels different for you both, when you’re alone and when you’re in front of the camera. you’re both comfortable with yourselves and your relationship, and it’s the comfort she’s always wanted

i’m thinking of hourglass by catfish and the bottlemen, i think that song describes it perfectly

you’re always together, in your own perfect little version of heaven, and while it’s not clinginess from jealousy, it’s clinginess from love and being happy

cairo sweet:

cairo is not clingy whatsoever

not in the sense that she couldn’t give a fuck about you— though she definitely attempted to push that narrative at first— but in the sense that she knows she’s the best and she knows you’re both so incredibly solid. if anything, being apart makes seeing each other even better

she’s a romantic and a rich romantic at that, so whose to say she won’t go on a vacation for a few weeks without warning and then reappear at school for you to ask her where she went

part of her enjoys creating a mystery for you, and making you chase her. she likes the thrill of it, and in a weird way it shows that you care about her enough to find out where she’s been or what she’s doing. it’s somewhat refreshing, considering her parents are so careless and you care so much

she does get jealous when she sees you with other kids. you’re just as intelligent as she is, and you give tutoring advice and run several clubs, so there are always kids who need to speak with you. she knows it’s just part of your role on campus, but it does irk her a bit when she sees you talking to pretty girls who are all too suddenly interested in correcting their math test

most nights between you both are spent at her home, tangled up. she likes to drink wine, but you stay away from alcohol. that doesn’t mean you won’t kiss it off her lips, though

you both are avid readers, so sometimes she’ll lean against you while you both read separate books and sit in silence. it’s peaceful, and cairo always thought she’d want some whirlwind forbidden romance, which is why she’s so surprised she likes the quiet domesticity

she’s definitely somewhat a fan of showy pda in certain situations. she’ll sit on your lap in between classes and wrap an arm around your shoulders, and who’s to say the girl who she caught staring at your lips yesterday wouldn’t come around the corner at the same time to see you there

she makes it perfectly clear she doesn’t depend on you, though. you both exist as separate people. she finds couples joined at the hip as “vapid” and “full of braggadocio.” of course, she’s proud of her relationship with you, but cairo also values her independence and separation

not that many people were even aware you were together officially, until a good three months in. you would argue (flirt) in class during socratic seminars, but most kids thought you both genuinely hated each other

for what it’s worth, you enjoy cairo for all her cairo-isms. it may be cringe to other people, but you do fundamentally understand her in a way no one else really does, just because of how open and honest she is with you. it was a struggle for her at first, but she does appreciate you for it

another one down. really tried to stick to clingy but it definitely branched out to other stuff too because i think there are definitely many ways to be clingy. clingiest, i would say would be lorraine, with tara not falling far behind

[genderkoolaid]

i’ve been seeing that “nooo tboy mutual don’t reblog that transandrophobia post, there are so many other non-reactionary frameworks that you can use to understand your experiences” post go around (unfortunately from. a lot of my mutuals.)

and it’s really frustrating to me bc like. i would love to hear them!!! i would love to discuss different lenses of viewing the specific kind of oppression that transmascs face, i would love to learn about different perspectives!!

but so much of what’s out there either 1) doesn’t include us at all or 2) insists that our oppression isn’t anything more than transphobia, or that it’s just misdirected transmisogyny, or that it’s just transphobia and misogyny, but no discussion of how transphobia and misogyny interact to specifically impact transmascs. it just feels so disingenuous and dismissive because whenever we talk about our experiences, no matter what language we use, we’re shut down over and over and over again.

Godddd I saw that post the other day and could not help but roll my eyes. Saying there's "so many other frameworks" to use disregards a fundamental reason why this framework is being created in the first place: transmascs, across different ages and races and other variables, feeling silenced and absent in other models of society, even those claiming to be for trans-feminist. Like if you are trying to convince trans guys to not use the term transandrophobia maybe start by acknowledging the absence of proper frameworks to discuss the unique position of trans men & mascs. & you know damn well none of these people will acknowledge how every other iteration of "transandrophobia" ALSO got shut down for being Problematic™, including "isomisogyny" which was literally just misogyny with a prefix attached to assure cis women that we would never DARE to imply that transmascs might be oppressed by the same social force as them!

But that's the problem with people trying to make the discussion of anti transmasculinity palatable! They want to have a version of this discussion that isn't threatening at all to the deeply ingrained anti (trans)masculinity in queer spaces. Literally any criticism, no matter how lukewarm or carefully handled, is labeled "reactionary." After you get rid of everything that people hate about transandrophobia theory you are left with none of the things that make it valuable to transmascs + everyone else who benefits from this discussion.

[rapha3liii]

Abigail, Emily & Haley! (part 1 of my bachelorette art!)

these are just my personal headcanons, mostly in line with my fic! the surnames are just ones I chose myself because I think these gals deserve a little more character :) Image descriptions and in-image text/captions are provided below!

Leah, Penny and Maru are next! (will get to the dudes eventually)

Abigail Mercer:

20 years old attending online university for Anthropology

tall compared to most villagers, even taller than her parents!

nose and bridge piercing done in Zuzu city

hearts drawn on with eyeliner

tattoo of thorned rose

Sam's old denim jacket, she cut the sleeves off with craft scissors

Amethyst gem-set sword commissioned from Marlon, her parents still haven't found it...

Silver bangle gifted from her mother

belly button piercing done by Emily in Sebastians basement, she definitely didn't get an infection from it-

sword tattoo inspired by the first sword she held

usually accompanied by her fathers retired leather satchel, holding her flute case and cool rocks she finds

her fishnets are the only thing shes ever bought from Joja Online and her dad is still mad about it

second hand doc-martins because her parents refused to spend that much on shoes (I don't blame em...)

Emily Larson

26 years old and the towns resident tailor

always wearing contacts!

average height

has helix, ear lobe and vertical eyebrow piercings

Always changing her hairstyle and colour, but blue seems to stick for longer than most!

She regularly attends ren-faires all over the republic

made this miniature cape for Zuzu ren-faire and hasn't stopped wearing it since...

hoop earrings and favourite lipstick given to her by her girlfriend, Sandy!

Wears lots of rings

obsessed with lantern sleeves!

always has her Nazar pendant on!

Acrylic nails are done by her younger sister, Haley!

exclusively wears gold jewellery

hand tailored dress and shirt

shoes are bought from a vintage clothes boutique in Grampleton

always wears her favourite ruffled petticoat under skirts

Haley Larson

18 years old and newly graduated from highschool, now a freelance photographer

shorter (and cuter!) than most

always wearing baby blue eyeshadow

shell necklace gifted to her by Alex, her best friend

cute face mole!

always wearing her grandma's bracelet

always using extra blush and face shimmer!

flowery blouse made by her sister, Emily

loves wearing mini-skirts, shorts and low-waist jeans!

regularly posts her landscape photography to her blog, and even won a local competition once!

her fav pleated skirt

loves swimming and paddleboarding in the sea by the beach!

despite graduating top of her class, she has little interest in academia - but loves art

really wants an ankle tattoo of a sea-shell!

cute strap heels she stole from her sisters wardrobe (Emily still hasn't realised yet)

[Image 1 ID: A digital drawing of Abigail from Stardew Valley holding a sword. She's smiling, with dark lipstick and purple eyeshadow, and has small hearts drawn on her cheeks in eyeliner. She has a bridge, nose and belly button piercing and blue eyes. She's wearing a sleeveless denim vest, with a black tank top underneath and black denim shorts with purple fishnets underneath. She has a tattoo of a rose on her upper right arm and another of a sword on her inner left calf. She has pointed black nails and two bangles on her right wrist. She has black platform boots and has a freckles all over her body. Her hair is a vibrant purple in waves reaching her lower back. In the upper left corner is her in-game sprite by 'ConcernedApe' and the artist's signature 'Rapha3liii' is in the lower right corner. /.End ID]

[Image 2 ID: A digital drawing of Emily from Stardew Valley pinching her dress in both hands in a bowing like gesture. The left side of her head is shaved while the right has straight, blue shoulder length hair. She has purple eyeshadow, pink lipstick and brown eyes. She also has gold helix piercings, a gold vertical eyebrow piercing and golden hoops in her lobes. She is smirking and looking to the right. She is wearing a layered red dress with a long pleated skirt. It has a white ruffled petticoat underneath. Under her red dress is a pink shirt with lantern style sleeves. She has a corset on over the dress with golden buttons and a miniature cape in dark red clasped to her shoulders. Two necklaces are hanging from under her shirt collar, one golden chain and the other a pendent of a 'Nazar'. She has long sharp purple acrylic nails and multiple rings on both of her hands. She is wearing dark red heels with button clasped straps. In the upper left corner is her in-game sprite by 'ConcernedApe' and the artist's signature 'Rapha3liii' is in the lower right corner. /.End ID]

[Image 3 ID: A digital drawing of Haley from Stardew Valley standing casually, smiling, with a tuft of her hair inbetween her fingers in one hand and blue eyes. She has golden blonde hair in waves just reaching her upper back. She has locks of hair over both of her shoulders. She has light blue eyeshadow and bright pink blush and lipstick, she also has a mole on her face just above her lips to the right. She is wearing a low crop blue blouse with short sleeves and a white lined flower pattern on it. She has pink nails and is wearing a necklace of a blue sea-shell with a golden chain and a bracelet with a golden chain and heart pendent. Her left arm is holding her hair while her right arm is crossed over her chest and resting on her other arm. She is wearing a pink pleated mini-skirt and blue heels with small straps around her ankles. In the upper left corner is her in-game sprite by 'ConcernedApe' and the artist's signature 'Rapha3liii' is in the lower right corner. /.End ID]

[Image 4 ID: A digital drawing with the three previously described characters all standing in a line. The order is Abigail to the left, Emily in the middle and Haley to the right. Each character has their in-game character sprite by 'ConcernedApe' on the upper left to them. The artist's signature 'Rapha3liii' is overlayed in three different places on the drawing. /. End ID]

This my first time ever writing image descriptions so please tell me how I did! I read some other blogs and advice prior to writing my own but I understand its likely I got some things wrong! Please let me know if I've formatted or written something in a way that makes the descriptions innacessible! Thankyou

[cacoetheswriting]

what if i told you that part three is almost finished? only like two years too late, but i wanted to wrap their story up in a way they deserved, and up until a few weeks ago, i really wasn’t in the right headspace to do so .. anyway, to the few that are waiting, thank you for being so patient with me <3

a mutually assured attachment, masterlist

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader summary: you waltzed into bucky's life completely unexpected. occupying the apartment across from his and his heart. warnings: set post endgame and before tfatws, a lovely little slow burn, therapy positive, emotional hurt / comfort, mutual pining, adult dialogue, use of pet names, mentions of food and alcohol consumption, mainly fluff and idiots being idiots - each part will also have its own warnings.

a/n: just wanted to quickly clarify the main story will have three parts, but i will also be posting blurbs here and there which will fit into the overall dynamic. i really hope you enjoy this mini series and don't be afraid to tell me what you think!

-

part one: the beginning of a friendship, or something more.

part two: trust and other dangerous feelings.

movie nights: a few months in the life of bucky and his lovely neighbour, as they watch various movies together.

stargazing: bucky and reader watch the “stars”, and get a little closer in the process.

part three

-

main masterlist

[cinnamonest]

What if Darling is the one trying to control her partner? She’s an overly naive and self-assured girl who suddenly decides she wants to mess with the feelings of an attractive man. She’ll try to manipulate, intimidate, and gaslight him until he breaks.

I’m dying how I want to see that sweet surprise in her eyes when she realizes she was the victim all along. A good, kind man suddenly shows his true face. He endured all her abuse just to trap her. How ironic!

Maybe it’ll be Zhongli - charming and courteous but actually hiding a creepy dark side. Or Childe - a guy who hides a lot of dark desires behind a carefree smile.

AAAAAAAAAAAAA anon this is stewing in my brain, because imagine Morax in his peak era when he would come down amongst the humans...

Some manipulative foreigner girl who travels from place to place, manipulating and bleeding men dry for as long as you stay there, only to disappear and go on to somewhere else once you've gotten everything he has. Never wanting to commit, always wanting more.

Men essentially take care of your travel expenses too — it's easy to use them for free lodging, food, and so on. You rarely pay for anything in life, other than the luxuries you get yourself with their money.

So when you arrive, you latch onto the first attractive stranger you see on the street, and he's more than receptive. He finds you endearing. It's very easy. You just notice the positive reception and immediately lay on the flirtation much thicker, and soon enough you're walking arm in arm around the harbor to show you around... in truth, you've been here before, but playing the clueless foreigner role always endears you to men, and it boosts their ego to feel like they're knowledgeable and helpful.

He falls for your tactics so easily, so it seems. Going along with whatever you want, immediately trying to placate you when you're mean and cold, bending to your will when you insinuate that you'll leave if he doesn't do this or that.

And he has so much money. You weren't expecting to score this lucky. You're not even sure where he's getting it from, it seems like he just keeps pulling it out of nowhere. Every time you even look at something, he's already pulling out more to buy it for you, all day long, until you go back to get a place at a nearby inn.

Of course, it's mutually understood and unspoken that with these sorts of exchanges, he's supposed to get sex out of it. That much you're willing to give, it would admittedly be difficult even for you to keep extracting money from men if you didn't at least put out eventually.

Often times it's disappointing, but thankfully this one is good in bed too. You feel like you couldn't get any luckier.

He feels the same way. Who would have thought that the same girl that all those used, discarded, distraught men pleaded about in prayers to their god, would show up yet again in this place, and such convenient timing too.

You've caused a good deal of both financial ruin and heartbreak alike, and he doesn't take too well to your promiscuity either. It would be an injustice to allow you to simply get away without due punishment.

Keeping you works out well. Those men who wanted revenge will at least have their prayers answered, you will be unable to wreck any more lives, and he gets a little gem in the rough, so to speak. Something that just has to be broken apart and fixed with enough effort, slowly worked into something perfect to own. It's more fun that way.

So he stays silent when you suddenly disappear, when you turn cold, when you brush him off. It's actually both good and bad for you— usually they get so angry, so it's good he wasn't too attached, but the pitiful ones usually let you extract just a bit more in hopes of getting you back, and you're actually rather frustrated when he just lets you leave, you huff and go back to your hotel, this time unfortunately having to pay for it.

But then, you're a little bewildered when you wake up somewhere different than where you fell asleep, somewhere you're unfamiliar with. You panic when you find yourself bound to the bed by a chain on your ankle. You panic worse when you see him looking over you, that malevolent grin — did he always have those teeth?

Yes, it's so adorable when your eyes well up with tears. He did like you in the first place for how cute you are, after all. You'll be a lot cuter when you cry — something he'll have plenty of opportunities to watch in the very near future.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Guilty as Sin? — Chapter Five

pairing: professor!javier peña x f!reader

rating: series is 18+ only, minors DNI, professor/student dynamic, oral (fem!rec), mutual masturbation, lots of ogling, romantic Javi will be the death of me, dirty talk, little bit of angst thrown in, reader's never experienced oral, think that's it for now

word count: 4k

series masterlist

You didn’t attend Dr. Peña’s office hours that day, too exhausted by your crumbling social life to deal with whatever it was he wanted to talk about with you in private. Instead, you spent the night grocery shopping, decorating your new place, and getting a jump start on Dr. Arman’s research paper due in a few weeks. 

By the time you were in bed and began to mindlessly scroll on your phone, it was nearing midnight. As you scrolled through pinterest finding sad quote after sad quote to make your sadness feel a little less isolating, an email notification lit up your screen. You clicked on it, finding a message from Dr. Peña.

Please set up an appointment with me to discuss your grade. 

Dr. Javier Peña

jpeña@utlaw.edu

555-268-8521

You narrowed your brows at the message—what was he talking about? You quickly opened the online portal to check your grade, finding it in near-perfect standing. Flipping back to the email, you read it over again before locking eyes on his phone number, bolded in bright red. Chuckling at his use of coded messaging, you copied the number and added it to your contacts as Javier just in case someone decided to snoop around. 

Biting your lip, you let your fingers hover over your keyboard, unsure of what to say, or if he even wanted you to message him. But he had to, right? No one highlighted shit in red if they didn’t mean to draw attention. 

You settled on something simple, something that couldn’t possibly be misconstrued if an outside party were to see it. 

You: Hey, it’s…

You: You emailed about setting up an appointment?

You waited what felt like a lifetime, choosing to spend those torturous minutes anxiously scrolling through your feed until your phone buzzed with an alert. 

Javier: So formal. 

You rolled your eyes. 

Javier: Why didn’t you show up today?

You: Too tired.

Javier: You still tired? 

You bit your lip as his words sent a thrilling ache between your thighs. 

You: Depends.  

Javier responded only with an address, one that looked to be attached to an apartment complex in the nice part of town. With your heart racing with excitement and head screaming with caution, you decided that you’d earned a bit of recklessness. You’d done everything you needed to do today, so why not do something you wanted to do?

You thanked the skies for convincing you to pamper yourself earlier with an everything shower as you slipped into a much less comfy pair of underwear, choosing to keep your hoodie and leggings on rather than dressing to impress. After all, there was a good chance your hopes would come crashing down if he truly only meant to talk. 

The drive to his place was spent singing along to your favorite album, hoping to drown out the alarm sounds in your head that seemed to scream, idiot!

You pulled into the gated complex, punching in the code he’d sent to you before making your way through the gates. You parked your beat up car in a visitor spot, headlights illuminating a man smoking a cigarette in that black leather jacket you could still feel wrapped around your shoulders. Javier. 

He watched you as you climbed out of the car, hands trembling with nerves. 

“Hey,” you breathed, giving him a nervous smile. Javier’s smile was a lot more confident, causing a dimple to form in his left cheek. 

“Hey,” he replied, ashing out the cigarette on the trash can beside him before approaching you. “You look cozy. Hope I didn’t wake you.”

“Should I take that as an insult?” you joked. 

“No,” he assured, his smile softening to something so affectionate it made your heart race. “I like you like this.”

You flushed, dropping your eyes to the pavement beneath your feet. Javier surprised you by lifting his hand to your chin, gently guiding your eyes back to his. “This isn’t a good idea,” he husked, eyes bouncing back and forth between yours. “But fuck me, I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

Your lips parted as he stepped closer, his hand shifting to cradle your cheek, his thumb stroking across your skin. 

“But first, I wanted to introduce you to someone,” he said, letting his hand fall to his side. Tipping his head in the direction of the lobby, he urged you to follow him. 

Who the fuck did he possibly want to introduce you to? His secret family?

Javier opened the door with a smug look, furthering your confusion until the old woman—who looked around the age of seventy—behind the front desk popped up with a smile. 

“I didn’t see you sneak out, Javi,” she smiled, batting her eyes at him. “You got a secret exit I don’t know about, honey?”

“It wouldn’t be a secret if I told you, Jeannie, now would it be?” he crooned, turning to you. “This was the friend of mine I wanted to introduce you to. She’s run the complex for how long now, Jeannie?”

“Thirty years,” she replied, both pride and exhaustion in her tone. “Thirty years and no goddamn retirement in sight.”

You gaped at Javier, his brow raising and smirk spreading into a full on dimpled-grin. Quickly turning to Jeannie, you chuckled and shook your head at yourself. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Jeannie,” you smiled, giving her your name. 

“You too, sweetie,” she said. “Y’all have a good night. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“That’s not saying much, Jeannie,” Javier teased, resting his hand on your back as he guided you to the elevator. 

You kept quiet until you were inside the privacy of those four walls. “So you finally figured it out.”

“Well, I figured it out when you slammed my car door on me,” he chuckled, standing close enough for you to smell his cologne. You stepped closer to that scent of warmth and comfort, brushing your arm against his. “Thought I’d clear the air this way since you stood me up earlier.”

“I didn’t stand you up,” you laughed. “I just…I don’t know. Needed some time away from everything.”

He hummed his response, waiting for the bell to chime, signaling your arrival to the third floor, before leading you out and down the hall to his apartment. As he put his key in the lock, he turned to you with a half-smile. “You sure you want this?”

“Depends on what this is,” you replied. Javier smiled, shaking his head before opening the door to his place. He let you walk in ahead of him, the door shutting and locking behind him. 

“This is…I don’t know,” he sighed, though it sounded less like frustration but more along the lines of hesitant acceptance. “Me throwing caution to the wind, I guess.”

“Just you?” you asked, turning away from the black and brown abstract painting on the wall of his living room to look at him over your shoulder. He looked at you with such unabashed desire as he carefully stepped into your space until his chest was nearly pressed against your back. 

“Us, then,” he whispered, slowly dragging his fingertips up the length of your arm, causing goosebumps to form on your skin. Your breath hitched as he leaned in to brush his lips against the shell of your ear. “Do you know how much space in my mind you’ve taken up? Without doing anything more than existing.” 

You turned to face him, your hands settling on his chest before sliding up to the nape of his neck. Javier’s brow furrowed as he watched you study his features, committing each one to memory in case tonight was all you’d ever have with him. “Only seems fair that I’m on your mind as much as you’re on mine.”

Javier groaned softly, his hands finding your hips as he walked you backwards, sandwiching you between his body and the back of his sectional. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked, licking his lips as his eyes fell to yours. “These fucking lips that’ve been calling my name since the first time I saw you.”

You let out a soft breath, nodding your head quickly, as if he’d change his mind if you didn’t reply quick enough. Javier smiled, something fleeting and rooted in affection before crashing his lips against yours. You moaned at the taste of cinnamon blended with a hint of the cigarette he’d been smoking when you pulled into the parking lot. 

What started out as cautious quickly turned into something needy, his hands gripping your hips to pull you closer to his frame. You gasped into his mouth as he pressed his generous arousal against you, your center aching to feel him without the layers between you. 

“Javi,” you panted out the nickname, relishing in the groan it elicited. Javier was quick to pull away, his dark eyes lust blown and wild as he lifted a hand to your face. 

“What do you want, cariño?” he rasped, smoothing his thumb over your bottom lip as though to worship it. “Hm?”

It took you a few seconds to register what he’d said, your mind preoccupied with fantasy after fantasy that finally felt possible. 

“You,” you replied, soft and breathy. “Your lips, your tongue, your fingers, your…”

“My what?” he coaxed, a smirk tugging at his lips. 

Lowering your hand down his chest and stomach, you let your palm rest against his arousal, giving him a gentle squeeze that made him curse. “This. This is what I want.” 

“Fuck me,” he swore, taking a step away from you before entering a pace. He raked his hand across his face as he seemed to mull things over, meanwhile you were left standing there, panting like an idiot while replaying the interaction in your head. 

Was it your touch that spooked him? Oh god, did he not want to be touched? Perhaps you were no better than Derrick, so blinded by desire and longing that you acted before asking. 

“Javi, I—“

“If we do this,” he started, stilling his pacing to give you a stern look. “It’s a one time thing. You and I will go about our lives as normal. You can continue to TA for me if you want, or I can try to transfer you to another professor.”

“I don’t want that,” you blurted, too lost in lust to think clearly. “One time. Get it out of our systems.”

Javier chuckled, as if he had foresight into how this all played out. He could’ve seen a happy ending, the two of you reminiscing on this very moment, laughing at the idiots you once were to ever think for a minute it would only be a one time thing. Or, more realistically, he imagined the two of you awkwardly dealing with the existence of the other with forced greetings and a hidden longing that felt more like a haunting. 

Whatever scene he saw, it didn’t prevent him from sauntering back to you, from kissing you like a sailor greeting his wife after being away at sea for years, from guiding you into his bedroom, and you didn’t dare break the magic of the moment by asking.

Javier backed you against the wall, his thigh slotting between yours. His lips traveled the line of your neck, teeth grazing across your racing pulse only to soothe over the tender flesh with his tongue. 

“If you knew the things I’ve imagined…” His words trailed off into a dark chuckle as his hands slid up your side to cup your breast through your shirt. He groaned at the lack of a bra, his hips pressing into yours as he swiped his thumb across your peaked nipple. “You proud that you’ve broken a good, honorable man? That the sight of you in those fucking skirts made me insane enough to consider fucking you right on my desk?”

“Sort of,” you admitted, earning a genuine laugh. You smiled at him as he pulled back, lifting his hand to hold your face. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

The way he looked at you almost made your heart stop. You’d never been looked at like that before, with respect, affection, and genuine interest. It had only been lust before this, or worse, pity. The girl who stayed loyal, who allowed a man to walk all over her for years on end. 

“Just admiring,” he shrugged, giving you a casual purse of his lips. “Clever, brave, resilient, and so fucking beautiful it hurts.”

You couldn’t take hearing anything that sincere from him, not when it was all you ever wanted to hear, not when you knew it would all be over tomorrow. You tugged him back in for a kiss, hastily shedding his jacket in the process. Javier moaned into your mouth, pressing you against the wall with one arm wrapped around your waist and the other hoisting your thigh over his hip. 

You moved on to the buttons of his shirt as he mouthed his way down your neck to your chest, his greedy hands palming every soft bit of flesh he could find. 

“Take this off,” you demanded, your fingers too shaky to unfasten the buttons. Javier pulled away from you to do just that, his chin nudging at you as if to say, you too. You peeled off your hoodie, earning a groan from Javier as he unbuckled his belt, his eyes eating up the sight of your bare breasts. “Fuck me, you’d turn Christ himself into a sinner.”

You ignored the butterflies his praises stirred in your belly as you peeled off your leggings and underwear in one fluid motion, leaving you completely bare—and for once in your life, confident—in front of him. Javier abandoned undoing the button of his jeans in favor for coming back to you, both hands cradling your face as he backed you against the wall again. 

“One night,” he muttered, seemingly to himself. “We’ll fucking see.”

You slid your hand down his stomach to the button of his jeans, undoing it with only a little bit of trouble. Javier’s lips never left yours as you tugged the zipper down before slipping your hand inside. You both moaned at the feeling of your hand meeting his bare flesh, swallowing down the sounds of mutual pleasure. 

God, he was big. Bigger than anyone you’d ever been with before. 

“You’re going to ruin me for all men,” you purred into the air as he focused his lips, teeth, and tongue on your pulse again, your hand slowly pumping his shaft as best as you could given the way his body was pressing you into the wall. 

“I’ve always been an overachiever,” he replied, his smirk growing against your skin as he placed one last soft kiss against your pulse before kneeling down in front of you. You kept your eyes locked on his as he guided your calf to rest over his shoulder, his lips pressing their way up the inside of your leg. 

This was better than your favorite fantasy. It hadn’t managed to get the brown of his eyes, the rough warmth of his hands, the sinful scrape of his mustache across your soft skin right. In fact, now that you were witness to the real thing, the fantasy seemed like nothing more than a cheap knock-off.

“Javi,” you cautioned, remembering one critical detail about the fantasy. The fact that you’d never actually had this done to you before. All the sex and sin you’d gotten up to in your life, but never this. Selfish fucking men. 

“What,” he hummed lazily against your skin, now kissing your inner thigh. 

“You don’t have to,” you replied, nothing more than a whisper. Javier shook his head at you, gently nipping at your sensitive flesh. 

“Don’t have to, but fuck me, I want to,” he rasped, lathing his tongue over where he’d just given you a lovebite. You gently raked your hand through his hair, bringing his eyes away from your aching center and back to yours. 

“I’ve had this exact fantasy since the first day of class,” you admitted, biting your lip. “It’s been my favorite thing to think about when I touch myself.”

Javier groaned, desperate and wrecked. 

“Can you make it as good as my fantasy?” you asked, your voice a seductive purr. 

There was something about this—Javier on his knees, practically begging to taste you—that felt so much more empowering than you’d ever felt before with a sexual partner. How you’d ever go back to more age appropriate men, you weren’t sure. 

“You’re…” He cut himself off, shaking his head before leaning closer to where you practically dripped with need. “I’ll give you something real to fantasize about when you touch yourself, cariño.”

You smiled at the promise, only for it to fall as your jaw went slack at the feeling of Javier’s tongue licking a broad stripe up your seam. You furrowed your brows as you looked down to watch him, his eyes closed as he tugged you closer to his mouth. His tongue swirled around your bud, over and over, making you pulse with each passing swirl. You gripped onto his hair to keep him there, guiding him as his tongue dipped lower to your entrance to drink up your arousal with a sinful groan. 

“So fucking sweet,” he praised, pulling back to marvel at your swollen pussy with a look of awe. “I need you on the bed.” 

You nodded, springing into action and practically leaping into his king-sized mattress. You crawled back on your elbows until you reached the pillows, watching as Javier finally kicked off his jeans, finally taking in the full sight of his cock. You actually began to salivate at the sight of him, long and thick and angry with need. 

He stood at the edge of the bed, eyes locked on you as he stroked himself with his fist. You slipped your hand down to your clit, rubbing it in time with his lazy strokes, and quickly realized you could get off from this alone. 

“That’s it,” he husked. “Show me how you touch yourself when you think of me.”

You moaned, slipping your fingers lower to curl inside yourself. There was something so holy about this sinful act. The way he watched you, the worship and reverence in his stare as you got off to the sight of him getting off to the sight of you. All of it was holy, and all of it was forbidden. 

“Good fucking girl,” he praised, the words causing you to pulse around your fingers. 

Javier seemed to have gotten his fill of watching as he climbed onto the bed, making himself at home between your thighs. You slipped your fingers out and moved to law them to the side, but he stopped you, bringing them to his lips to suck them clean while you watched him with a slack jaw. 

“Fuck,” you moaned, brows pinching together. Javier kissed the inside of your palm before setting it down against his cool sheets. 

“Is this how you imagined it?” he asked, kissing your inner thigh. 

“Mmhm,” you hummed, combing back the waves that had fallen across his forehead. Javier keened under your touch as he inched his way back to your center. Locking his eyes with yours, you watched him turn your fantasies into reality—those brown eyes finally meeting yours just as you’d imagined. 

“You taste so good,” he praised, bringing two fingers up to stroke up and down your seam before dipping into your entrance. He met your eyes in a silent confirmation of consent. You nodded eagerly, biting your lip as you tried to steady your breathing. 

Javier let out a soft sigh as he slipped his fingers inside of you, curling them up to press against the spot no man had ever been able to locate before. You moaned, your head falling back against his pillows as he paired his tongue with the perfectly timed thrust of his fingers. 

“Fuck,” you whined, holding him close as he started to suck on your swollen bud, his fingers curling in and out with almost embarrassing ease as you neared your end—the first one you’d ever shared with a sexual partner. “Javi, fuck. You’re gonna make me come.”

He moaned, the sound vibrating against you as he doubled down in his efforts. Your thighs shook, your face crumpled in ecstasy as the thread of tension inside you finally snapped. Javier kept your thighs spread as they threatened to close around his head, his tongue turning gentle as he coaxed you back to earth. 

“That’s the first time someone’s ever made me come,” you panted, guiding him up for a dizzying kiss that tasted of your arousal. Javier’s hands gripped at your hip, guiding your leg to wrap around his waist. 

“Fucking idiots,” he sighed, pressing a kiss over your racing heartbeat. “Their loss.”

You nodded in agreement, your hand cradling the sharp line of his jaw as he focused his mouth on your breast. “I’d…be down for another.”

He laughed, resting his head on your chest. 

“As much as I want to, I think maybe it would be best if we just…didn’t,” he said, lifting his head to look into your eyes. You tried not to pout, to demand that he take as much as he just gave, but all you could do was give him a soft nod. “I want to, believe me. But it would just—“

“Make things more complicated,” you guessed, unable to look him in the eye. “I know.”

He tutted at you, turning your chin so that you were forced to face him. “I loved tonight, loved doing this with you. Under any other circumstance, I’d be happy to keep you in this bed for days, but—“

“It’s okay,” you managed, giving him a sad smile. “I’m glad we had this, at least.”

He nodded, resting his head against your chest again.

“I should go,” you said, the lump in your throat roughening the sound of your voice. 

“You don’t have to,” he replied, placing a tender kiss to your chest. 

“I know, but…it’s torture staying,” you confessed, trying your best not to cry. “Like flaunting food in front of someone starving.”

Javier sat back on his knees, smoothing his palms up and down your still-spread thighs. “I’m not…trying to torture you.”

“I know,” you whispered. “Still, it’s…”

“Yeah,” he agreed on the unspoken. “It is.”

You let out a huff of a chuckle, hoping it would mask the ache in your chest threatening to consume you. “Guess I’ll see you in class, then?”

“Front and center, I hope,” he smiled, backing off the bed to give you space to get up and get dressed. “And no skirts, for Christ’s sake.”

“Mm, suddenly skirts are all I own,” you joked, shooting him a more genuine smile from over your shoulder as you slipped into your leggings. 

“Cruel woman,” he chided playfully, watching you from his seat at the foot of the bed. “Cruel, beautiful woman.”

After Javier led you out of the building through the back exit to avoid Jeannie, you bid him an awkward farewell, holding in your tears until you were in your car. You spent the commute from his place to yours sobbing over a man you could never have, one that was everything you ever wanted. You made a pit stop at a gas station to buy some comfort snacks and an ice-ee in hopes of soothing the ache in your chest, but the truth was there was no escaping the impact of Javier Peña on your soft, longing heart. 

You only hoped the recovery would be quick, the wound of losing him before you ever had him fading into an almost unnoticeable scar on your heart. 

[imaginedanvrs]

home, sweet home

masterlist

dark(?)carol danvers x reader

word count: 4.5k

summary: when carol is sent a gift she refuses to accept, she discovers just how much she's been seeking a companion

warnings: human trafficking, past conditioning, elements of pet play, soft carol turned kind of dark? it's not her fault you're so cute

“I’m gonna have to call you back, Fury,” Carol mumbled, hanging up the coms device before the director could object. She stared down the unexpected delivery for a few short moments, trying to assess its reliability. She didn’t often get deliveries sent to her ship and it was even less common for them to be safe, though the small holes placed in the top of the crate sparked her curiosity enough to overcome her caution. 

  The Captain hooked her fingers under one of the top edges of the crate and pulled the lid off in one fluid motion and raised her glowing fist to shine on whatever creature was inside, slightly alarmed to see the face that peered up at her. Carol was quick to pull two of the sides off and grab the blanket that was hanging on the nearest chair to pass to you, becoming more confused when you merely stared at her blankly as you hugged your knees. 

  “Um, do you…hi,” Carol greeted tentatively as she placed the spotted blue blanket down in front of you and kept her eyes level with your own, hoping you would cover your bare form. You blinked, staring back blankly at the blonde crouching before you and gripped your knees tighter until there were half moons indented despite your nails having been cut the day before. She noticed the anxious gesture and moved back to give you some space, only then noticing the note attached to one of the discarded crate sides. 

  A gift of gratitude, the people of Krylor. Carol reread the note several times, taking a few moments to realise what your presence on her ship meant. Of course, she had heard the rumours of the intergalactic trade of humans that were passed around the cosmos, but she had never found enough solid evidence to even begin to tackle the issue until you arrived on her doorstep. Clearly the people of Krylor had greatly misinterpreted the kind of hero that Carol was if they had thought you were an appropriate gift, sparking a deep anger inside the Captain at such an assumption. 

  She looked back at you and immediately softened her features upon seeing the clear fear in your wide eyes that watched her apprehensively. “It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you,” she assured with a nervous smile, entirely unsure of how she was meant to deal with you. “Do you understand me?” She asked. You nodded. “Good, good…” she muttered. “You can come out of there if you want,” she offered, backing away again. You continued to watch her without moving a muscle. She nodded as she glanced around her ship for any clues as to what to do with you. She couldn’t keep you there, that much was clear. But where could you go? 

  Of what Carol had heard about the human trade, they all carried the brand symbol somewhere on their body which meant that the blonde had to be cautious where she sent you in case you ended up back in the wrong hands. Of all the people Carol could trust with you, none of them were better suited to take care of you. Her allies bases were too hectic to place you in, the most neutering planets wouldn’t be able to protect you if needed and other heroes stuck to themselves as much as she did. That only left her with New Asgard, though Carol had sent so many refugees Valkyrie's way that she was hesitant to give her more to deal with. It was easier to do when they were together and Carol could be around more to help, but since the mutual break up Carol's distance meant she couldn’t always aid her people. 

  The Captain glanced back at you mid pace where you were still glued to the spot and redirected herself to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water and placed it down next to the crate. You didn’t acknowledge it. “You should drink something. I’m sure it’s been a long journey,” Carol winced. She pushed the glass closer and stepped away. “Drink,” she insisted, which seemed to click something in your mind. You reached forward, but instead of holding the glass, you made your hand into a scoop and reached inside to gather some water in your hand and bring it up to your mouth. 

  “No, you-” Carol went to interject, startling you enough to shrink back into your crate. “Sorry,” she muttered, wondering if it would be best just to leave you for a while. You were clearly scared and confused and understandably didn’t trust the person you had been gifted to. Carol just wanted to try and communicate some reassurance to you, but she supposed that if you weren’t going to be with her for very long then there wasn’t much point in putting you through the additional stress it would take to get there. But sometimes you had to be cruel to be kind. 

  Taking a hold of the back of the crate, Carol pulled it against her as she walked backwards through the small ship and felt you stumble back inside. She brought you over to the corner between her sleeping area and the control panel and slotted the crate as far back as she could before grabbing a new blanket and hanging it over the front as a makeshift curtain, leaving a small gap in the side for you to peer through. It was the best she could do to make you feel safe for the time being. She placed the water back outside and put together a sandwich for you to eat, unsure of what you were used to and hoping that you would be okay with what she had. 

  “Okay, you can handle this,” Carol said to herself, a habit she had developed ever since spending the majority of her time alone with Goose who wasn’t big on conversation. She gathered that you weren't either. 

  “Crap,” she muttered when she saw her route to Earth was going to take a few days and that she would have to stop on the way for fuel too. She glanced back and noticed that the spotted blanket had vanished only to realise you had pulled it in. Carol smiled at that, hoping it gave you some kind of comfort, and looked around for some clothes for you to wear. She settled on a sweatshirt, some underwear and sweatpants and placed them outside your crate with the announcement that they were there. She wasn’t entirely sure you would take them, but a hand crept out from behind the curtain and dragged them inside. 

  Carol figured it was best to leave you to it for a while and turned back to her control panels that monitored any unusual activities in the galaxies closest. There was always work to be done, even if she did have a guest in her home. It was common for the blonde to spend several hours there without realising and it was always Goose that snapped her out of her workaholic trance, though that time the flerken did so in a new way. 

  Carol turned around at the sound of a distant meow, assuming she had gotten herself trapped in a cupboard as she often did when she went wandering around the ship, only to see the ginger tail sticking out from behind the curtain on your crate. Listening closely, Carol heard the familiar purr rumble from Goose and smiled, suddenly getting an idea. 

  “Goose,” Carol called as she sat cross legged a few steps away from the crate. The flerken appeared from behind the curtain and trotted over to the Captain obediently, nuzzling into her hand as she continued to purr happily. The curtain twitched and you peered around the gap to see where Goose had gone and blinked at the sight of Carol’s gentleness with the ginger creature. You pulled the curtain back further to watch with interest and Goose strolled back over to you, clearly enjoying the extra attention she was getting. 

  “She likes you,” Carol commented with an easy smile. Pretty. “You can come out of there if you want to. I’ll leave the crate there so you can go back to it whenever you want to,” Carol explained. You glanced around the room just as Goose sprang from your lap and jumped up onto the nearest counter to patrol her territory. You watched curiously for a few moments before stretching your legs out of the cramped space. The blonde averted her eyes at your still bare form, knowing that at some point she was going to have to help you dress. 

  “The bathroom’s just down the hall,” she told you. Your eyes flickered between Carol and Goose as you crept out of the crate and peered in the direction that she had pointed. When both feet were on the warm floor of Carol’s ship, you assessed her closely for any sudden movements and upon finding nothing, you continued cautiously down the hall. Once you had disappeared from view, Carol inspected the crate and noticed that the clothes she had given you had been pushed together with the blanket to form a nest. The glass of water was empty though the sandwich remained. That meant it had been a long time since you had eaten anything and seeing as it was Goose’s dinner, the Captain decided to make something up for all three of you. 

  When you reamurged from the hallway, the smells that hit you from the kitchen were heavenly. You didn’t recognise them but all you knew was that you wanted to know what was at their source and when you saw Carol standing over the stove, you approached slowly. She noticed you and smiled, following your gaze to the pot. 

  “Do you like rice?” She asked. That, you knew. You nodded. “It’s like that but an adapted version I learnt from the Skrulls.” You nodded again, deciding that you liked the sound of the blonde’s voice. “While we let it cook…shall we get some clothes on you?” She enquired. You glanced down and then back at Carol with a hesitant nod. You couldn’t remember the last time you had worn anything, but you followed a few steps behind Carol as she retrieved the clothes she laid out for you, knowing that if it was something she wanted then you should accept. 

  “Put your hands out,” she instructed gently. You did so and she bunched up one sleeve to slide up your arm and then did the same with the other before pulling the top over your head, chuckling softly at the sight of your dishevelled hair. You liked that sound too. And her sweatshirt. It was mostly white but had a few splashes of pink and blue swirls across it that you found yourself examining while Carol reached for the underwear. 

  “This foot up,” she coached with a tap to your left foot. You lifted it, then the other, until the underwear were pulled up your legs and fit comfortably around you. The sweatpants followed in the same way and you immediately felt considerably more comfortable in the clothes you had been gifted. They were a size bigger than what you needed, but you wondered if that made them better. 

  You gave her a small smile in recognition. “You can sit down while I plate up,” she told you, turning to go back to the kitchen but stopping when she saw you try to sit down on the floor. “Somewhere more comfortable,” she assured and pulled out a chair at the small table by the kitchen. You couldn’t recall ever having been let on furniture before, so it took you several embarrassing moments to get attempt to get on the chair, constantly wobbling until Carol muttered that you could stay on the floor, though not entirely happy with letting you do so.

  You sat patiently there as you watched Carol finishing preparing the meal and plate two full dishes. The food was mounted so high that you weren’t sure you were going to be able to finish the meal and feared what would happen if you couldn’t. You had never been given so much food in one sitting before.

  “Do you remember Earth?” Carol asked as she sat down at the table next to you. You didn’t recognise that name, so you shook your head and watched as Carol tapped her wrist band a few times until a hologram appeared between you. “That’s it,” she said, zooming in slightly on the sphere so that you could see it was a planet made up of majority water and that the land contained a vast variety of different conditions. It looked quite overwhelming and you certainly didn’t feel any compulsion to return if that was apparently where you came from. 

  “It’s not without its flaws,” Carol chuckled when she noticed your hesitance. “But it’s your home,” she said. You tilted your head in recognition and Carol took it as a positive sign. She focused on the hologram more. “Maybe here,” she suggested, bringing up a visual of New Asgard. It did look nicer than the rest of the planet, but Carol’s ship was growing on you unusually rapidly. 

  Of all the people you could recall ever meeting, none of them had been like Carol. They had been cruel and treated you as less than human, perhaps seeing you as such, and you hadn’t liked any of them. They kept you in cramped, cold places that you couldn’t escape from, making you unable to believe just how warm Carol’s ship was. And not just that, her as well. You had felt it when she dressed you, her hands radiated a gentle heat that you hadn’t ever experienced but were instantly fond of. Carol was the only person you had ever met who you had reason to trust, so you didn’t hope to part from her anytime soon. 

  You watched as Carol ate the meal she had prepared and glanced down at your own bowl and the spoon that sat in it. It smelled really good and it looked really good, you hoped you wouldn’t have to wait too long to eat it. “You can start,” Carol told you when she noticed you refraining. You blinked at her and the utensil she held in her hand that you couldn’t use. 

  Of course, the blonde thought as she realised why you hadn’t eaten the snack earlier either. You needed help. That explained how you had approached the water as well. Carol crouched down in front of you as you looked to her for guidance.. 

  “I’m gonna help you,” she told you gently, bringing the glass up to your lips. You opened your mouth obediently for the Captain to coax the water past your lips gradually. She watched closely to ensure you weren’t taking too much at once and pulled back accordingly to replace the glass with a spoonful of the hearty meal she had prepared. After several moments, she sat down with you and stretched her legs out comfortably.

  It was delicious, you thought as you savoured the dish while Carol did the same. You watched her closely for guidance as she ate and helped you, occasionally making comments about the various dishes she had learnt in her travels and how she had been able to share all of them with Goose given that his digestive system was practically impossible to disturb. Still, it was nice to share the dishes with another human, she told you openly with a small smile. You mirrored it, recognising that you were able to provide her of some kind of service. It felt good to please her. 

  “Do you want to watch a movie?” She asked once you were both done with the meal. Carol didn’t often host guests in general, never mind ones of your characteristics and needs. She hadn’t had many visitors during her time on Hala or when she lived with Maria either. However, if there was anything the blonde was neglecting in her hosting duties, you weren’t about to notice. 

  You watched curiously as Carol set up a movie for you near her bed and though you didn’t recognise the images that began to play, you were transfixed by them. You heard the Captain say something about Goose stealing her speaker as she disappeared through the ship to retrieve it. You waited several moments before wandering across the space and sitting down on the floor in front of the screen to admire it closely. When Carol came back, you already appeared fully entertained by the film so she left the speaker on the side and silently began getting back to work, glancing over at you occasionally to ensure you were okay. 

  You remained comfortably like that for some time until your eyelids began to feel heavy and there was a distant haze starting behind your eyes. Still watching the film, you lay yourself down and curled up on the hard floor by the screen, you were tired but unable to sleep so you peered back at the Captain who was already watching you. “You know, there are more comfortable places than the floor to sleep,” she told you with a small smile. You blinked at her. “You’re as bad as Goose,” she muttered to herself. “But it is getting late,” she admitted as she strolled over to your area and you immediately sat to attention. “Easy,” she chuckled, grabbing her sleeping shorts and a tank top. 

  Carol had her back to you as she changed, apparently unbothered by your gaze, letting you note the way her back muscles and shoulders flexed as she stripped herself of her clothes and into fresh ones. It was different having your owner not acknowledge you when they were out of clothes. A lot of Carol was different to the others, you just didn’t realise it was because she didn’t consider herself your owner. 

  “Do you want to sleep there?” She asked as she pointed to the crate. You understood the gesture and made your way over to the crate without being able to communicate that you would rather sleep elsewhere. The box was too small, something that provided comfort when you were unsure of the new environment, but since discovering that it lacked any threats, you seeked out the space that was at your fingertips. 

  Unfortunately, Carol couldn’t have known any of this and simply watched with a bemused smile as you dragged the blanket half way out of the crate so that you could stretch your legs out past the curtain. As the blonde got herself comfortable in her own bed, she continued to glance your way every time the curtain shifted until you opted to turn around completely and settle with your head outside the crate where you could keep Carol in your view. 

  “Comfortable?” She threw you another blanket despite the ship being a suitable temperature and you didn’t hesitate to bundle it up to use it as a pillow, still looking at her through sleepy eyes. Once she bid you goodnight and turned over, you let the waves of exhaustion wash over. It was the first time in as long as you could remember that it felt safe to do so. 

*

Boredom was not something that had come to you in a long time. Usually, your empty moments were ruined with fear and anticipation for what was to come, but the safety and assurance you felt on Carol’s ship had gradually put your mind at ease enough to let those quiet moments be tempted by curiosity. Carol was a busy woman, always on the lookout for issues she would have to deal with. It left you unoccupied enough to let that initial hesitation be surpassed. You couldn’t live in fear forever. 

  You had been with the Captain for several days, the pair of you falling into a routine you were becoming accustomed to. She woke up first and prepared breakfast for you both, telling you all about the latest news from across the galaxy that you didn’t really understand. Whilst she would work, you would tentatively explore more and more of the ship you were temporarily living in, curious at the possessions Carol owned and the technology her ship possessed. The only reason you had the confidence to do so was the encouraging smile the blonde sent your way every time she saw you venturing further around her home. But it wasn’t a large home and there was only so much for you to entertain yourself with before you needed something different. 

  You perched yourself onto the floor next to the stool Goose was sitting on, still not keen on sitting on furniture. You held your hand out to the flerken who nuzzled into your knuckles affectionately, then glanced up at the Captain and wandered over to her side. 

  “We’ll be in Earth’s orbit in a few days,” she told you, bringing up an image of New Asgard again. You weren’t sure how to communicate that you didn’t want to leave, so you looked away. “I know it might be scary to move again, but they’ll take good care of you,” Carol said, placing a hesitant hand on your shoulder. The contact was unexpected, but you liked it. You met Carol’s unsure eyes and responded by resting your head against her leg, nuzzling into the soft fabric of her sweatpants slightly once you realised how gentle it felt on your skin. Carol was taken aback by the act, feeling a tenderness overcome her at the contact. She smiled to herself when you opted to stay put for a few moments longer. She didn’t have much contact with other humans herself and she didn’t realise how much she needed it until you offered it to her. 

  “You need a bath,” Carol broke the silence by saying. You pulled away and scrunched your nose up at her, making the blonde chuckle. “Come on, it won’t be that bad,” she insisted. 

  You watched as she walked off down the corridor and heard her start the taps in the bath. You remained stubbornly fixed to that stop on the floor until a faint smell of flowers travelled through the corridor. Following your nose, you wandered through to the bathroom where the sizable tub was soon filling with bubbles. It did look tempting. 

  “You wanna get in?” She asked with a knowing smile. You nodded. “Lets get those clothes off of you then,” she continued as she gently pulled the clothes off of your body and into a pile on the floor. You had been wearing the same clothes since she had given them to you because you hadn’t gotten them dirty and she was cautious of making you uncomfortable by stripping you too often. To her surprise, you didn’t react to her taking the clothes because your attention was fixed on the growing mountain in the tub. She chuckled and encouraged you in with a hand to the back. 

  Unfortunately for you, the tub was too high and you found the task of hiking your legs over steadily to be of some difficulty when you considered how you could slip on the other side. Fortunately, Carol’s strength was more than ample to lift you into the tub herself, something that made you smile fondly at her. You liked how strong she was, because you were learning that she wouldn’t use it against you, only as aid. 

  Once you were submerged in the bath, Carol brought over the flannel and soaked it in the water before ringing it out and bringing it up to your face. “Hold still,” she chuckled when you playfully darted away, stopping when you felt how warm and refreshing the cloth was against you. You allowed Carol to continue washing your body tenderly, humming softly to herself as she did so. She made the occasional comment about the different places she had acquired the unique soaps and you listened intently, wondering if she would ever show those places to you. 

  To her credit, Carol cleaned you thoroughly, using her soaps, cleansers and some shampoo once she began finding her own comfort in the task. The warm, soapy water felt just as good on her own skin as it did over you and there was a certain fulfilment in the way she was able to handle and aid you. She especially enjoyed massaging the shampoo into your hair and the small content noise it brought out in you. You both could have stayed there for much longer. 

  Once you were sitting on the bath mat next to the tub, Carol wrapped you up in a heated towel to stop you getting cold and did the same for your hair, effectively cocooning you snuggly. You didn’t like the hair dryer, she learnt, but not so much that you struggled too much against her when she began to use it. You sat obediently with a displeased look upon your face that was soon changed when you were dressed into a clean pair of Carol’s clothes. 

  “Did you enjoy that?” The Captain asked as she crouched in front of you. You smiled at her and nuzzled into her shoulder affectionately, making the blonde chuckle. “Me too,” she admitted. “We'll have to get another one in before you go.” Carol hadn’t expected to feel so disappointed as the words left her, but it was clear a part of her wanted you to stay. But by letting you stay, surely she was no better than the people who had taken you in the first place? 

  “Let's get some food,” she said to distract herself. You followed promptly behind her and stayed that way for the majority of the day as well as the ones that came after. Whenever Carol was working, you would sit or lay by her feet, content to feel her tower over you in a way that seemed to block the rest of the world out. When she cooked, you sat to the side and watched with eager eyes and a growling stomach. When she took some time to unwind and watch some tv, you listened out for her chuckles with soft anticipation. 

  With you becoming so used to seeking out a close proximity to the blonde, nighttime was hard. You didn’t like the crate anymore, even with all of the blankets and sweaters you had stuffed inside. It wasn’t enough and it was lonely, so one night you ventured out to her bed. 

  As you peered at Carol’s sleeping form, you frowned at the small lights that were attached to her temple. She didn’t look happy to have them on, despite being asleep. She was restless and a crease was permanently embedded between her brows. You didn’t like to see her like that and wondered if the device on her was hurting her, so you scrambled into her bed and patted the device. Carol awoke with a start, eyes locking on your as she panted heavily. She was scared. You had never seen her scared before. 

  You whined, high in your chest, and burrowed yourself into Carol’s chest, nuzzling your head against her wildly beating heart. The blonde froze at first, still recovering from her nightmares until your efforts appeared to smother her terrors because you pressed yourself so firmly against her. A pair of strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you up her body until your face was between her neck and shoulder and you took the cue to settle yourself there as you held her. 

  “Hey,” Carol whispered once her heart finally returned to its resting rate. She brought a hand up to your hair and began to absently comb her fingers through, wanting to feel you in your entirety. It soothed her to no end, she realised, and it was something she would soon have to give up. You would be in Earth’s orbit by the morning. She didn’t want you to go, so she held onto you tighter as her chest pulsed with the thought that you wouldn’t be there the next night. 

  Did that have to be the case? She wasn’t hurting you or manipulating you or exploiting you. She was caring for you, something that very few would be able to do as much as she could. Even if she took you to New Asgard, there would be no one on one connections like she had formed with you because they would all be too busy for that. 

  You had found solace with her, who was to say you would be able to find it elsewhere? With someone who could care for and protect you as well as she could? What if by sending you away, she was ridding you of the only home you would ever truly have?

  “Do you want to stay here with me?” Carol asked. You held her tighter and tenderly brushed your lips against her neck. “Me too,” she told you with a relieved smile.

  Her mind was made, your home was with her.

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #36

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.5k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

"Ow, what the fuck," Jungkook yelps loudly, straightening himself so quickly that he almost knocks you in the face with his forehead. "It hurts!" he whines.

"Man up," you scold him, pushing his head back to the pillow that's on your lap.

You're met with a deep scowl of hurt on his face mixed with a glare he's giving you, but you ignore him. In his defense, it was your idea to have a pampering night and you practically forced him to put a face mask too. In your defense, he's the one who kept complaining about that one pimple on his cheek that you so gladly (because you're such a good friend) have decided to take care of. He could easily pop it himself but like you said, you're such a good friend that you told him to lay down, even made it comfortable for him, and started taking care of his face.

It's been two days since you and Jungkook made up. You've been feeling like a shit even after apologizing, knowing the fault is mostly on your part, and that's why you've decided to call him over in hopes he'll agree. A small part of you knows that the reason for wanting to hangout with him is mostly because you need to assure yourself the two of you are fine. Maybe popping out his pimple isn't the best solution of how to assure yourself but you already know that you're just fine and there hasn't been any permanent damage done to your friendship.

"Do you have to do it so harshly?" he scolds you in return, flinching when you press a little too hard but it's the final touch as you pop it out with enthusiastic yelp. Yes, a perfectly fine friendship.

"Hand me the make-up removal pads please," you tell him, ignoring his scolding as he obeys and hands them to you.

You wipe his face again, using toner right after as he finally allows himself to relax knowing the worst part is already behind him.

"All done." you call out excitedly, slapping his cheeks a few times as the glare is back, making sure you see it before he sits up.

By the time you're cleaning and tossing all the used and dirty pads to the bin, putting your skin care products back to its place in your bathroom, Jungkook is watching a movie you turned on. The pink rabbit headband that held his hair from his face is long gone, tossed on your coffee table.

You plop on the seat next to him, feeling fresh from the mask and products you put on your face. Both your and Jungkook's faces are glowing from your effort, despite Jungkook's previous protests.

The two of you go back watching the movie you so successfully ignored from the beginning, not really minding you've no idea what's the movie about in the first place, well if you don't count Jungkook reading the description of it when you were choosing one.

"Where will you be on New Year's Eve?" Jungkook asks, eyes still attached to the television as he munches on the popcorn you prepared at the beginning of the movie.

Christmas is getting closer each day, so is New Year's Eve. It used to be a tradition between you, Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung to celebrate New Year together as a group of friends. However, last year Jungkook celebrated separately with Kiko and her family in Japan. From what you can remember, he felt really bad about not living up to your unspoken tradition and even debated whether he should go. As much as you wanted to celebrate New Year's Eve with him, it'd be selfish of you to say and admit that to him knowing he'd probably stay.

It was kind of a last minute plan as Kiko's family invited them to celebrate New Year's Eve with them. You still remember him stressing over the phone when they started dating and he was about to meet her parents. He was so stressed and almost frightened, trying to think of ways to impress them. But you told him he doesn't have to do anything, just be himself because he's already enough. He's Jungkook for fucks sake. There possibly couldn't be a better boyfriend for her and her parents.

And just like you told him that night, they loved him the second she introduced him to them and a huge rock fell off his heart.

So last year, you celebrated it without Jungkook, just you, Jimin, Taehyung and a few of their friends in the city watching fireworks and just having fun. However, Jungkook made sure to call you and your friends a little after midnight to wish you a Happy New Year. It's a pity Jimin and Taehyung were too wasted to even remember him calling.

To hear him asking you about your plans this year spark a new set of curiosity and excitement inside you, wondering if he's going to spend it with you and the boys again.

"Not sure," you answer, eyes already set upon him as he glances at you and chuckles at your big eyes that are widened with curiosity. "Why?"

He puts away the bowl with popcorn in it, dusting his hands off as he clears his throat. "Jin's family has this cabin like, four hours away from Seoul and he invited me, including you, to spend the New Year's Eve there. Tae and Jimin already agreed to come."

You're a little shocked to hear Taehyung and Jimin already agreed, considering none of you mentioned it to you. You talked on the phone with Taehyung the other day, wanting to make sure he's feeling okay but he only assured you Jimin exaggerated like always and he caught a little cold but is fine. It's weird how their friendship sometimes reminds you of you and Jungkook.

And you also talked to Jimin, mainly telling him not to tell anyone that you and Jungkook were never really dating and it was all fake.

"I wouldn't say that to anyone else and I won't, I promise." he promised you, his soft voice resounding from your phone.

Well, you didn't mean anyone else because you know Jimin wouldn't go around and talk about your private business. You were talking about Taehyung. Not because you don't want him to know, but because you want to be the one who tells him.

"Yeah, that sounds like fun." you offer him a smile, glad you've already got plans. If he didn't ask you, you'd probably stay a few days longer with your parents.

"Yeah," he says, smiling but he looks away for a second as he clears his throat, gaining your attention once again as you stare at him with a confusion written on your face. "I think you should know Kiko is coming too." he says, making it sound as if he's warning you of her presence.

Oh. Well, that's expected. This is what Jungkook was talking about, right? There will be a time when you and her will see each other again.

You've to admit, you're not that pleased at the sudden news which if you thought about it, could've been quite obvious. Of course, he's not going to spend NYE without her. But it doesn't really matter whether you're pleased with it or not, you could always decline his invitation. What matters is how careful Jungkook looks and sounds, almost as if he's expecting you to throw a tantrum or something. Kiko is still a very touchy subject in your conversations and you feel sorry because you're the reason behind it this time.

"Okay?" you let out a chuckle, but it sounds forced even to your ears. "Don't look at me like that, Kook. I'm not gonna bite your or her head." you joke, seeing him letting out a chuckle as he shakes his head.

"I just want everything to go fine." he says gently, features softening as he looks at you.

"I don't think that's just up to me but you don't have to worry about my part. I respect your decision."

He eyes you for a moment, almost as if he's looking for you to crack and laugh in his face, but you seem to be honest and even offer him an assuring smile before you take the bowl from the coffee table he put there.

"Thank you." You hear him say, glancing at him to be met with an appreciative smile before he takes the bowl from your lap.

"Hey! I had it first!"

"No, you didn't."

And just like that, everything is back to normal. You just hope it'll stay like that.

"C'mon, just one drink."

You hate intrusive people, especially if they're guys, drunk guys. It seems like an irritated twist of your features are not enough to flick off this guy. Who even let him in? He looks like he's in late forties, in a club with a bunch of horny young adults. On other hand, he doesn't look as if he could be dangerous or a pervert, but he is annoying which you ascribe to the alcohol flowing in his system. Even from your safe distance behind a bar, you can notice the flash in his reddened eyes and the laziness in his motions.

He's been here for the past ten minutes, not leaving even as you take the orders and pour others a drink. It seems like he's solely focused on you which scares you a bit and you glance hesitantly at Yunhyeong, the security in his thirties, deciding you'll give him the signal if this man won't leave in the next five minutes.

"I can't drink, I'm working sir. I'm sorry." you decline him for what seems like a hundredth time by now.

"Oh, that's a shame," he gasps out dramatically and drunkenly, most importantly, slapping his hands against the counter. "Let me at least buy you a--"

"Aren't you too old to hit on younger ladies?"

Your head shoots up in the direction of the incoming voice, audible enough for you and the man to hear as your eyes widen in shock. There's an edge in his tone, purposely calling out the man for his intrusiveness and maybe even his age, as you see the young guy almost smirking when he sees the older man's brow twitch.

You're speechless at his forwardness and bravery you guess, considering the guy looks twice bigger than the man that approached the two of you. He looks young, even younger standing just a meter from the man who's obviously older than you or him. His height does make him look a little bit older but you can tell he's around your age. But wow, he looks handsome as he eyes the older man waiting for his response while he stutters over one.

The black leather jacket clings to his upper body perfectly and if you look over the counter, maybe you'd be able to appreciate his skinny legs more. It's hard to describe what his real hair color is, the club's lights distort its color but it looks brown. A light brown.

"Aren't you old enough to be in this club, kid?" The older man reacts, drunkenly just like you expect him to, but his words are able to be understood.

You look at the guy who seems completely unbothered by the jab about his age, as if he expected nothing less of him. "Old enough to know when a woman is not interested."

Your jaw drops, eyes widening as the man tries to straighten up but he stumbles a little, almost knocking the bar stool next to him. He looks at you, your eyes immediately going to the young handsome guy for help, but before he can jump to the rescue again, he lets out a big puff of annoyed breath.

"Whatever."

He turns around and stumbles into the dancing crowd, causing a few people to curse at him until he disappears and is in a safer distance from you. The young man stays in his place, glancing at you and doesn't hesitate to open his mouth as soon as your eyes meet.

"Are you okay?" he scoots closer, standing where the older man was standing just a few seconds ago.

"Yeah, thanks for that." you tell him, offering him a humorous chuckle even though you don't find it funny.

If this guy hasn't approached you, you'd just give a signal to Yunhyeong and he'd take care of it. But it's not comfortable to be in this situation nevertheless and at the end of the day, you're thankful he decided to step in before you had to call an actual bouncer and maybe cause a scene.

"Don't mention it, I'm shocked no one else came to rescue you," he tells you, still eyeing you with worried eyes which is crazy because he doesn't know you. "Can I buy you, I don't know... orange juice?" he asks, laughing as you join.

"Shouldn't I be the one buying you a drink?" you ask in return, corners of your mouth twitching in a smirk as he looks down for a moment with a smile on his lips. Damn, he's cute and hot at the same time.

"Of course not, you're a lady." he says with a grin causing you to laugh at his comment. He does look like he's amused and just said it to lighten up the mood, but there's a little spark of honesty when he keeps looking at you.

"Well, this lady should thank you again for your help and maybe offer you a free drink." you propose.

He smiles at you shaking his head. "I could not possibly take that, besides, I asked first."

You amusingly roll your eyes, "My drinks here are free, perks of me working here."

"I'd still like to buy you that non-alcoholic drink or whatever you prefer. Please, let me do it, you're crushing my ego right now."

"Men and their egos," you feign an annoyance causing him to grin at you innocently, "Okay, I'll take you on your offer and pour myself orange juice."

From the corner of his eyes, you see him pleasingly grinning at you in triumph as he slaps a few cash on the counter. You take it, giving him the money change as he's already shaking his head and puts his hands in surrender, but he probably doesn't know you've one male best friend with a huge ego and stubborn ass to deal with on a daily basis. You're quicker than him, already opening your mouth.

"You've your ego and I've got mine, so take the change." you tell him sternly but there's a pinch of amusement in your voice as he eyes you, sighing in defeat as he takes it.

"Thanks," he says, stuffing his wallet into the pocket of his jeans as he gives you a smile. "Umm, yeah, I should probably go. Have a nice rest of the night." he says somehow awkwardly, still lingering on the same spot.

You almost feel your cheeks flush at his cuteness and obvious awkwardness of his uncertainty, but you appear confident as you give him a great view of your smile. "You too, thank you..." you look at him questionably and he almost jumps at the opportunity to introduce himself.

"Haneul, I'm Haneul."

"Haneul," you let his name roll off your tongue with a tint of teasing. Fuck, are you seriously subtly flirting with him just like that? "Thank you, Haneul."

He nods, looking at you in expectation and you see it in his eyes, having this urge to tease him a little as he chuckles in amusement when he recognizes your bad attempt of trying to hide your grin. "Won't you tell me your name?"

And you do want to tease him for a second but you can already see a group of people approaching your side of the bar, so you let out a giggle as he joins you. "Y/N, I'm Y/N." you repeat his previous words only revealing your name this time as he nods, muttering your name under his breath.

He gives you a slight wave, showing his nice smile at you for the last time as you wave at him back, feeling your cheeks flushing as he turns around.

"Dude, where were you? Was the line to the restroom that big?" One of the guys approaches him before he has Haneul in a headlock, both guys laughing as Haneul tries to push him off.

There's a small smile on your lips for the rest of the night, your mind going back to him a few times when you actually have the time to just rest for a while. Unfortunately, there's no sight of him for the rest of it too.

On the other hand, Jungkook has completely different worries. After he finished editing photos of his recent project, he joined Kiko to watch a reality show she's been watching already. They've been sitting there, Kiko cuddled up to his side as he lazily stares at the huge screen of his television, for at least twenty minutes now. She looks too immersed to notice Jungkook's puzzled look while he slowly strokes her forearm.

"Kik?" he breathes out, voice coming out as a murmur.

She hums in response before she tilts her head upwards to look at him, finally seeing the little hesitance he seems to be fighting with. This causes her to pay more attention to him, straightening herself to have a better look at him.

"You know about our plans for New Year's Eve?" he starts slowly, mentally cringing because he's probably making a bigger deal out of this than it's necessary. Fuck, this is pretty much similar to that time when he talked to you about the same topic.

"Of course, I know. We talked about it on Tuesday." she chuckles lightly, the sound causing Jungkook to smile before he continues with what he started.

"I talked to Y/N and she's coming too." he says simply, not really sure how else to say it.

Obviously, Kiko has already been informed that Jin invited you as well since he's friends with Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung. You're a part of their group and Jin knows you've always, well most of the time if we don't count last year when Jungkook went to Japan, celebrated New Year's Eve together as friends. Jin is also known for hosting parties and wanting to have as many friends there as possible, plus he's seen you a few times and even invited you to his wedding. Which obviously had to do something of you 'dating' with Jungkook back then, but it doesn't matter. You were invited and Jungkook wouldn't want it any other way. He'd ask Jin anyways if you could've come if he didn't ask himself.

Jungkook was delighted when Jin mentioned you when they were speaking about the NYE plan. He can't lie, he froze for a moment when he realized this means you and Kiko will be seeing each other way sooner than he thought. And with your recent argument, he wasn't so sure if the timing was right. But you talked about it and you agreed to come as well which eased his nerves.

"Oh, okay." she says lightly, making herself comfortable once again as she leans her head against Jungkook's shoulder.

He's pleased with an easy 'okay' but still, he's dumbfounded by the short and curt response. "Okay?" Jungkook mumbles, causing her to look at him as she chuckles at his big doe eyes staring confusingly forward.

"What do you want me to say?" She laughs a little.

"I don't know," he says honestly, "How do you feel about it?"

She stares at him for a moment, releasing a sigh as she sits up and turns to him. "Honestly?"

Oh, this doesn't sound right. 

He's not sure how he'd react if she told him she's not happy about you coming too. A little tension is probably inevitable on both parts. At the end of the day, it is what it is and he expects at least awkwardness when the two of you will see each other again. On another note, it's not like if Kiko admitted her discomfort or plainly said to him that she doesn't want you to go (even if she probably wouldn't do that), he'd do nothing about it. You've already been invited and he's not an asshole to disinvite you. He wants you there and that's the end of it. You're coming and that's it.

"Honestly." Jungkook responds, patiently waiting for her to say what she thinks as she gives him a little breathy chuckle looking down at her lap.

"I know you guys stayed friends and I don't have anything against her. I know she probably doesn't like me, not after I hurt you..." she mumbles the last part, shamefully looking at her lap as she fumbles with her fingers. "It's not like I blame her."

"Listen, I talked about this with her and she's fine. She's just having my back." Jungkook assures her, gently grabbing her fidgeting hands as she finally stops and looks into his eyes.

"Are you sure that's it?"

"Hm?" Jungkook widens his eyes in confusion.

"Are you sure she's just having your back?" She watches his brows frown in even bigger confusion. "You guys dated. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure there's nothing going on between you two now,"

And she knows she can trust him and he'd never do anything to hurt her. He's way better than her. She told him that many times.

"But I do feel weird about the thought of her being there. But," she quickly jumps to add, "that doesn't mean I don't want her there. I know she's still your best friend, you said it yourself. I'm sorry, I'm probably not making any sense right now. I do think it'll be weird but honestly, I don't mind her coming if that's what you're worried about."

Well, he's probably more worried about you having her head the moment you see her, rather than Kiko's thoughts of you coming too.

"I'm trying to be as understanding as I can. But Kookie, she's your ex after all." she points out and Jungkook closes his eyes for a moment without realizing.

Fuck. That's right.

When you talked on the phone the other day, you confessed that you told Jimin about the whole fake dating thing. Even without seeing your face, Jungkook came to the conclusion you're being careful about the topic and it took you a few seconds until you started rumbling.

"I'm sorry I told Jimin without speaking to you first. I was just so angry at myself for bringing Kiko into our conversation and Jimin was the only friend with me at that moment, plus he kept bringing up us dating which he actually brought up a few times way before that and I just felt like an asshole for lying to him, so I just told him and I don't..."

You spoke like that, quickly and rumbling that Jungkook barely caught onto any of your words, for at least a good minute before Jungkook cut you off.

Understanding as always, he told you it's fine and he'd tell him the truth too if it came down to it.

That conversation over the phone, you telling Jimin, caused Jungkook to think about other people too. Taehyung doesn't know, apparently you made Jimin promise he won't tell, but you both want him to know too.

The other person Jungkook thought about is sitting right next to him, her brown eyes boring into his as she stares at him with a soft look. Telling her the truth, especially now that you've been brought up not as his best friend but as his ex, feels right. He is a little scared of a possible reaction, maybe the slight embarrassment of stooping so low to get her back. That doesn't mean he regrets it.

Back then, it was just a simple thought that crossed his mind and he asked you; "How would you feel if I told Kiko the truth?"

There was a silence for a split second before your amused chuckle resounded from Jungkook's speaker, his heart relaxing. "Jungkook, I don't think I've anything to do with that. You can tell her, it's your relationship. I think it'll ease up a lot of things, plus she won't think I'm your ex."

Attentive as always, Jungkook made sure to get your permission to tell Kiko that you and him were never really dating and it was all for a show. He thinks you've a say in this and at least you should know that he wants to tell her.

On the other hand, you think that you've nothing to do with that because it's Jungkook's relationship, just like you told him.

'I think it'll ease up a lot of things.' Your voice is fully settled in his memory, thinking that you're right.

Him telling the truth right now, now that she has told him how she feels about you celebrating New Year's Eve in the same cabin with them, could ease up her worries.

"I don't think you should worry about that," Jungkook speaks up carefully, letting out a faint sigh as he closes his eyes for a moment. Here we go, you got this, he has to mentally encourage himself to spill it out before he takes a breath. "About her being my ex."

"What are you talking about, Kookie?" she breathes out, voice laced with confusion and curiosity as she takes his hands. She's the one who squeezes his hands this time, having a weird feeling about this.

He does feel a little embarrassed to finally spit the truth out. He faked a relationship with you to get her back. If he hadn't done it, he wouldn't be most likely looking into his girlfriend's eyes right now. Their second try of a relationship caused a lot of hurt to both of them, notwithstanding that the cause of Kiko's biggest mistake she has ever made. But he can't look back at it every time, he doesn't want to hide things from her. If he wants this relationship to work, honesty is the key. She wasn't honest at first and look, where it had brought them.

On the other hand, they're perfectly fine right now. It affected Jungkook to the point he has his own doubts, staring at the ceiling in the middle of the night wondering if his decision will backfire on him. Kiko has promised to never hurt him again, never broke his trust and to a certain point, he wants to believe her. He believes her because he loves her and sees how much her own mistake affected her too. She's broken inside too.

He has never addressed it directly to her, but he noticed and could feel her pain whenever she's trying to look elsewhere, avoiding his big eyes and whenever he'd catch them, they would be slowly filling with tears. She's the main reason their relationship and Jungkook has suffered a lot of pain, but that doesn't mean her emotions aren't valid.

And now it's time to get through Jungkook's ego and doubtful thoughts. They both have to try if they want to stay together.

"Me and Y/N were never dating," he says, surprisingly letting his voice come out steady and loud enough for her to fully understand what he has just said. "The whole relationship was fake."

He finds the courage to look her in the eyes, not surprised by the silence that follows right after he spills the truth out. She looks confused, understandably confused, as she blinks a couple of times before she lets out a breathy chuckle.

"It was fake? I don't understand that," she mutters, "You kissed each other, looked like you--you looked like a real couple. Were you just faking it this whole time?"

Fuck, it sounds even worse now she said it.

"Yeah?" Jungkook presses his lips tightly, trying to find the urge to take one of the cushions and hide his face from her.

"Why would you fake it?" she asks, voice tender and sounding curious.

"Isn't it obvious?" he lets out a chuckle, similar to the one Kiko let out just a seconds ago. "I wanted you back. Somehow, my twisted mind thought if you saw me with another woman, maybe you'd realize you still love me." Fuck, can he lock himself up in the room now? 

It sounds awful when he says it like this. No one else would be able to do this with him, only you. He'd never use you to get something only he wants. Now as he looks at it, he feels guilty for bringing you into it and faking a relationship with him. It's not like he regrets it. He enjoyed your time together and he knows if you didn't want to do it, you wouldn't. You both got what you wanted. You helped each other. You were the one that assured him everything is fine no matter how many times Jungkook expressed his deeper thoughts.

He knows he's overthinking most of the stuff because he truly cares for you and wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you.

"Oh, Kookie," Kiko gets him out of the short trance, her hands cupping Jungkook's face. "I still loved you back then. I just had to end our relationship because I know I'd only hurt you," And she did hurt him, badly. But look at them now, they got over it. Or at least they're trying.

She looks at him with a gentle look, corners of her lips lifting to a smile. "You were trying to win me back this whole time?"

All he can do is pathetically nod in response, causing her to giggle as she kisses him. He's surprised, not expecting her to have such a light reaction. She pulls away from the peck she gave him, leaning their foreheads together.

"I thought it was real. I've never thought it could be fake."

Jungkook gulps, not quite sure what to say to that. He feels a sudden discomfort from her words. "Yeah," he murmurs, breathing out a chuckle. "I mean... I told you there's nothing going on between me and Y/N before."

"You did," she hums, "But I thought you moved on. Don't get me wrong, I know she's your best friend but you guys are just so close... so finding out you're dating was shocking but in a different way."

Shocking that she couldn't believe he moved on so easily, but not so shocking when she found out it's you who he is dating. It made sense to a certain point. You're one of the closest women in his life and he was heartbroken. For all she knew, maybe you were the one secretly in love with him even though she doubted it. On another note, she couldn't believe he started dating someone he assured he'll never date because they're just friends.

Like every girlfriend, she had her own doubts at the beginning of their relationship but she knew Jungkook is loyal and would never lie to her like that. It didn't take long for her to fully trust him and see for herself that you're more like a sister and brother who keep bickering around. She has never seen Jungkook act around other women like that. He really treated you like he treated Jimin and Taehyung, the only difference it's he's more protective of you.

"It sounds stupid, that idea of mine... but it worked."

Kiko giggles at that, pressing another kiss to his pouty lips. "It did," she hums, "God, I spent hours crying my eyes out when I first saw her with you."

Is he supposed to apologize? He feels like he should. "I never planned on making you cry," he says instead. "I never wanted to hurt you by doing that. It was all just so I could get you back."

"Hobi thought you did," Kiko murmurs, her hands slowly sliding off Jungkook's cheeks and defined jaw as she drops them in her lap.

When she notices Jungkook's confused frown, she sighs. "He thought you started dating Y/N because you wanted to hurt me, just like I hurt you."

Jungkook is speechless. It all makes sense now. The protectiveness he had for her, making him suspecting if there are any deeper feelings involved. Something that many people suspected of you and Jungkook. However your and Jungkook's friendship is still different from Hoseok's and Kiko's. You're one of a kind.

The constant glares he's been giving you, suspecting your 'relationship' causing you to freak out more than once. The only difference is that Hoseok wasn't suspecting you to be fake dating, or maybe he was, but the main reason behind his attitude was the thought of Jungkook purposely trying to hurt Kiko. And that's not true.

"I'm sorry about him."

"I'm sorry he thought I'd ever want to hurt you like that." Jungkook admits.

Hoseok is not only Kiko's friend. He's also Jungkook's and the fact that Hoseok thought he's purposely hurting Kiko by dating you, doesn't sit well with him.

"Everyone thought you and Y/N would never happen, you guys always insisted on that and then all of a sudden you started dating. So rather than him thinking you guys genuinely like each other that way, he thought you've an ulterior motive." she says gently, not wanting to sound as if she's defending Hoseok and making it seem as if Jungkook is the bad guy here. That's not it.

She just doesn't want him to think that Hoseok would think such a thing out of nowhere, she's simply stating how Hoseok was feeling about it.

"My ulterior motive would never be to hurt you." he deadpans, causing her to quickly jump to react.

"Of course not," she agrees, "I know that. Hobi is just... protective. I know I'm the one who hurt you, that's why I told him to leave you guys alone and let it go. He was just being my friend. Those few months after our break-up were so hard for me. I know I don't deserve to be sad when I'm the one who screwed this up, I damaged our relationship and it'll never be the same no matter how much we can act like it will. But... what I did, will haunt me for the rest of my life and I'll have to live with it."

"I don't think you don't deserve to be sad," Jungkook murmurs, staring at his tattooed knuckles as he needs to have a clear head, instead of looking into those soft brown eyes. "It's your feelings and I know you regret it. I chose to give this relationship a second try, it wouldn't be fair of me to constantly hold that against you."

"And I'm thankful for that," she says immediately, catching his eyes as he looks up at her with a neutral look. "I don't think I deserve it but I can't imagine not being with you. I love you too much. Those months were so hard for me. Not even me staying in Japan helped that much. I could barely eat, I'd just cry until I fell asleep and even my dreams were filled with you. And Hobi was there for me all along. Even though he knew I made a mistake, he was the only person who never truly judged me."

If he looks at it impartially, he can understand that. If it were you, he'd never be able to judge you and he'd be there for you no matter what kind of wrong thing you'd do. But when he looks at it as a person who's completely involved in it, as Jungkook – Kiko's boyfriend, he does feel a little bitter. Not out of jealousy. But because of what she's saying.

"I don't question your feelings, Kik. From the regret and hurt I see in your eyes every day, I can understand you haven't had it easy too. But the part of me, the still hurt one, just feels... weird right now. You made a mistake and I told you I won't hold it against you. But as we're talking about this... I can't help but to think. No one forced you to cheat on me. I said I don't want any details and I still would like it to stay that way. But it's not something you do out of nowhere and most importantly to the person you love so deeply. If we had any troubles in our relationship," he sighs, "Not that it'd justify cheating, but our relationship was perfect. Or am I wrong?"

Jungkook makes sure his voice is gentle as he speaks, not wanting to sound as if he's verbally attacking her because this is not the case. He lets out his deeper demons, the thoughts that have been buried inside him despite them talking about their relationship more than once since they got back together. However, they've never had this kind of conversation and they've never said these things that are being said right now. At least not to this extent.

He watches her eyes flutter shut, letting out a shaky breath as he watches her fingers tremble slightly. His heart jumps at that. He knows he hasn't crossed any lines. It's only fair of him to talk about this. Yet, he can't help but be worried about her reaction.

"You're not wrong," she whispers, opening her eyes as he's met with the same watery eyes full of regret again. "I'm so sorry. I know no one forced me."

That's all he needs. Just for her to admit it loudly.

"Hey," he calls out, taking her hands into his again before he cups her face to make her look at him. "We're together now, okay? And that's all that matters. Some things have to be said but this doesn't mean I don't love you."

She nods, smiling into the kiss when he pecks her lips. "Thank you," she says into the kiss, but Jungkook just ignores it. He didn't do it to do her a favor. He's just being honest.

"I can't believe you and Y/N faked the whole thing." she giggles, causing Jungkook to chuckle as he shakes his head.

"We're both crazy." Jungkook simply says, grinning at the thought of you.

"She just agreed like that? I still remember her gagging when someone mentioned if you and her ever kissed on that bowling night." The few, and very rare, times you and Kiko hung out with the same group of people.

He doesn't even remember who brought that up. All he remembers is that it was unnecessary to question your friendship and bring that specific topic when his girlfriend was present. Still, your fake gagging made him laugh and he remembers how he poked you in your ribs like he always does to annoy you, saying something along the lines; "You wish you could kiss me."

Now that he thinks about it, it was probably inappropriate to say that too in Kiko's presence. He was just joking, knowing it means nothing to the two of you and you're being you, trying to persuade everyone how disgusted the two of you are at the thought of kissing each other. It was just one of those times.

He actually wanted to say it out loud once again, wanting Kiko to hear that he's not interested in you in that way.

"Not exactly," Jungkook sheepishly grins, not wanting to go into too much detail. The most important part will be said, that's all that matters. "We had a deal." Jungkook scrunches his nose at that, especially after he sees Kiko's slight and confused frown.

"Deal?"

"Uhh," Jungkook almost stutters. Would you be okay if he mentioned that you wanted to explore more in sex? He doesn't want to mention that, thinking about your privacy. "We slept together." he blurts out, watching Kiko's eyes almost bulge out.

"You," she freezes, "slept together?"

"More than once." Jungkook adds, feeling like he's adding gasoline to the fire.

"More than once?" she chokes out, "I, it's none of my business since we weren't together but... wow." she says, completely speechless as she seems to be processing Jungkook's confession.

Of course, she's speechless and shocked and confused. Jungkook always assured her that he doesn't see you in any way that could lead to you being intimate with each other. He knows what that looks like right now, but he doesn't really owe her any more details.

"So, you guys were like friends with benefits?" She shakes herself out of the trance, chuckling as she's trying to lighten up the mood, especially when she notices Jungkook's worried and puzzled look.

"Yeah, something like that," he mutters, widening her eyes when her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "I mean, yeah probably. We didn't label it. We just..."

"Had sex," she finishes when he clearly had a hard time to do it, too torn whether it would be a douchebag move to say it. "It's okay, Kookie. You can talk to me about it."

"I don't really feel like talking about me fucking my best friend." he admits, cringing right away when he hears his blunt words. You're usually the blunt one. He got that from you.

"Yeah, of course," Kiko quickly says, "We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to."

"I mean... there's nothing that much to talk about. We had sex but we're completely fine. I know it's hard to believe," Poor Jimin probably doesn't believe it up till this day, he thinks. "I don't want you to worry about Y/N and me. There really is nothing going on between us, I know I said that before but I meant it."

Yes, he said there's nothing going on between you two just to find out that two people who were completely against the idea of kissing each other, suddenly had sex multiple times on multiple occasions. And now he's assuring her there really are no deep feelings between you two.

It's all so messed up and he can feel a headache approaching from all the thinking and worrying.

"Kookie," Kiko giggles, scooting closer to him until her knees touch the side of his thigh. "I trust you. It is what it is."

They stare into each other's eyes, Jungkook ones flickering down to her lips as she gives him a knowing smile, already leaning down to kiss him. This time, it's not only peck but they keep kissing each other as Jungkook grabs her hips, leading her to sit down on his lap. In a few minutes, their kissing doesn't ease up and they're too eager to continue. Kiko's hands are on Jungkook's clothed hardening bulge, Jungkook's mouth occupied with her neck. Everything is going fast, their need for each other is too strong and they don't waste any time. Kiko slides down Jungkook's sweatpants and boxers with a little bit of his help, before Jungkook reaches for his wallet that's been sitting on the coffee table ever since he came home from work.

Taking out the condom, Kiko helps him to slide it down, his length already bare from waist down, straddling his lap. When she finally sinks down his length, they both groan from the pleasure. No words are needed, mouths preoccupied again with kissing each other while they're chasing each other's pleasure.

"Sweetheart, go fetch us another round of shots!"

Your head snaps to your friend and at his words aimed at you, eyes already narrowed as you're met with his boxy smile. His cheeks are already reddened and he's fully energized from the alcohol, one of the stages before he gets fully wasted.

"I'm not taking care of your drunk ass tonight, Taehyung," you remind him, trying to hide a grin from how funny he looks. You can't get mad at him, simply mentally snickering at the pet name he gave you. "You guys insisted on going out, don't make me regret this."

Despite your warning words that are laced with amusement but seriousness too, you're already standing up while Jimin is trying to hide his own amusement, silently laughing at Taehyung's stretched and innocent grin.

You roll your eyes amusingly, waving him off when he messily hands you his wallet. "It's my turn to pay." you remind Taehyung, already walking away before he or Jimin could protest.

Taehyung would be perfectly fine with paying, the only reason he sent you to go get drinks is quite simple. You've a little discount on any drinks because you work here part-time. Considering they decided to get you out of the comfort of your home, spamming you with messages about how they want to hangout with you, you couldn't say no. Not that they gave you much choice, telling you they'll stop by on Friday to pick you up. And they did.

Coincidentally, they chose the club you work at, letting their curiosity take over and wanted to check the place out. That explains Taehyung calling you one evening, asking you about the club and if it's a good place to go out. Two days later, they bombarded you with messages about wanting to hangout too. Jimin was on it this whole time too.

Apparently they tried to do the same with Jungkook, but he couldn't come tonight and unfortunately he won't be one of the people who will take care of Taehyung's ass once he gets too drunk, leaving you and Jimin up to it.

"Are you guys having fun?" Yejun asks, grinning at you behind the bar when you usually stand on your shifts, cleaning dry one of the glasses.

It's a little rare to see him working behind a bar, not that this is the first time you see him working there. You allow yourself to give him a smile, still quite embarrassed when you look him in the eyes with the thought of you and Yoongi in his office.

Yoongi doesn't seem to be the person to brag about his sexlife or personal things, but that doesn't mean anything. Maybe he told Yejun what you've done in his office. The first time you saw Yejun after what happened between you and Yoongi, he asked you how you managed to work with him and how it went. You practically almost choked on your spit, wondering if he knows.

Back in the work you snatched Yoongi to the side, bursting with a ton of hushed questions about whether Yejun knows or what if he has cameras in his office.

"Calm down, he has no cameras there." he told you, completely unimpressed by your rather evident nervousness. "At least not that I know of."

You remember how your heart dropped and you felt like you could vomit right there. So, there could be a high possibility Yejun saw Yoongi's dick in your hand? And much more than that too?

"Oh my god, you should've seen your face. I'm kidding. He doesn't know and has no cameras there, so take a chill pill." he snickered, simply walking away while you glared at him until he disappeared behind the corner.

Still, you allowed yourself to sigh in relief but didn't forget to mumble a simple 'what an asshole', aimed at no one but Yoongi himself.

Even after that, you still get a little tense around Yejun which is definitely not his fault. From the looks of it, he doesn't know anything and it's all you and your unstoppable worries and thoughts. Suddenly, another round of shots sounds way better than when Taehyung came up with it.

You assure Yejun you're all having fun, even mentioning that your friends like it here more than in other clubs which isn't a lie. Taehyung and Jimin's sweaty hair from all the dancing with other women, even men, is clear proof that they really are having fun. Ordering the drinks Taehyung asked for, the same drinks you've started your night with because you don't like to mix different kinds of alcohol, you and Yejun make a small talk which luckily doesn't involve his brother. This way you don't get to arouse any suspicion.

Yejun gets your drinks on a tray to make it easier to get to your table (that you've reserved because it's easier since you work here) and you're ready to take it and get to your friends. However, the somehow familiar voice and person standing next to you, ordering his own order makes you pause as you glance beside you.

Your eyes widen at the coincidence of you seeing him again, especially after he has been in your mind a few times since last week. He probably senses a pair of eyes on him, turning to glance at the direction it's coming from while Yejun is already turned and making the drinks for him.

"Hey," You're the first one to break the silence, considering you were already staring at him and you're trying to play it cool.

His eyes widen for a second, plump lips opening in a sudden surprise before they stretch into a warm smile. "Y/N, hi!"

"You must like it here, you were here just last week." you grin at him, leaving your tray just for now as your eyes won't leave him. You take that time to properly look at him from up close, admiring his soft features that you weren't able to see that much last week.

Last week he got rid of the rude and drunk man that wouldn't just leave you alone.

He does look a little embarrassed for a moment, scratching the back of your neck as he lets out a chuckle. "Yeah, I don't usually party this much... it's just my friends..."

You don't question his friends, probably because you can relate considering your own friends usually get your ass out of your apartment and crash your plans that involve just lazy evenings and Netflix. And he doesn't look like he wants to say anything further about that topic, instead eyeing your whole clothing.

A pair of light high-waisted jeans with a cropped white tank top. It's simple but yet revealing a good amount of your skin, now that your denim jacket is perched on your seat and not covering your arms and shoulders. There is a simple necklace sitting in your cleavage while the shorter one is sitting just right between your collarbones, giving your outfit just the right pinch. Your hair is not in the usual ponytail or bun, let down now that you're not working and don't want hair in your face while working behind a bar.

Peachy matte lipstick makes your lips appear thicker, making them pop out since you kept your eye-makeup simple with a mascara and thin eyeliner. You've been pretty confident about your choice of outfit, wanting to leave a tight dress in your closet. Seeing the amount of women wearing almost similar dresses just proved to be the right decision of your choice of jeans and a tank top with thin stripes. You must say, this top makes your breasts pop out even more and it wasn't your intention. They're just there.

On another note, Haneul doesn't seem to be eyeing your breasts, respectfully staring at your outfit just for a few seconds before he looks you in the eyes.

"You're not working?" he asks simply, somehow too surprised when he sees you obviously being here as a customer while you shake your head at his question.

"No, I usually work on Saturdays. It's just a part-time job, I don't really work here full-time." you explain with a smile on your face, briefly pointing and glancing at the bar as he understandably nods.

"Well, I'm glad I see you here," he admits, your mouth falling in surprise as he sheepishly grins. "If anyone bothers you just tell me, I'll fix it." he tries to joke, actually earning a giggle from you. It seems like your inside joke, even though you don't know him at all but have a good feeling.

"I'll remember that." you grin, opening your mouth even though you're not sure what else to say but you don't want this conversation to end so quickly. However, Yejun unintentionally interrupts your conversation by giving Haneul his drinks as he quickly pulls out his wallet and pays for it.

"Can I get you anything?" he asks, your heart jumping at him wanting to buy you a drink.

You point sheepishly at the tray with the drinks on it, wanting to take him on that offer but unfortunately, you've already ordered for yourself and your friends. "Thanks, that's sweet of you." you tell him anyway, smiling as smiles back at you.

"Oh, what a shame. I was quite excited to buy you a proper drink and not an orange juice." he jokes, feigning a pout as you giggle.

"What's wrong with orange juice?" you ask in return, still grinning as you say it. "Perhaps, you can buy me one later." you suggest, appearing confident while your heart hammers inside your chest. You can be quite bold, but not when you're flirting with a stranger.

"Perhaps, I can," he grins, "Will I find you here later?"

"You'll have to look for me and see for yourself." you grin back, watching the corner of his lips to quirk in a challenging smirk.

"I'm up for that challenge," he smirks, "I like it." he says with a low tone, causing your lips to shiver with surprise and excitement.

"I think I like that too." you smirk, watching him grab his three drinks with his big hands.

He bids his goodbye for now, lingering by your side for a moment to the point you get to smell his fresh cologne, as if he knew you're a sucker for men that smell nice. When he leaves, you're trying your best not to stare at his disappearing figure and turn to the bar with a puzzled look, almost jumping when you feel a hand on your back.

"Sorry, it's me," Jimin says, chuckling at your jumpy state as you sigh in relief when you see it's him and not some creepy stranger. "You were gone for quite some time, I went to check up on you if everything's fine," he informs you when he sees the questioning look you give him.

"And Taehyung might have sent me to check on you because he's talking to some girl, wanted to be alone with her." he admits, causing you to snicker at Taehyung's tactics.

"Yup, everything's fine. Just talked to... someone." you clear your throat, already groaning at Jimin's smirk.

"Oh, that guy that just walked away?" he muses, causing you to roll your eyes at him as he laughs. "Yeah, I've seen that," he answers your silent question. "Do you know him?"

"Not really," you tell him unsurely, "He interfered when some old and drunk guy kept bothering me, nothing serious before you start panic," you explain quickly as soon as you see Jimin's frowned brows at the mention of the old guy. "I just saw him again, he is a nice guy."

"Well, don't mention anything about that old guy to Jungkook. He'd flip out and probably become your own security while you work here."

You both laugh at that, knowing that Jungkook would be capable of doing that but mainly know Jimin is joking. You glance at the bar, noticing Yejun smirking at you from the distance which makes you laugh and look at him confusingly. "What?"

Jimin follows your line of vision, looking at Yejun whom he met when you first came here and ordered the first round of vodka shots.

"Nothing." he muses, pursing his lips to hide his smirk which he fails to do.

"Spill it out." you laugh, not understanding the looks Yejun is giving you.

He steps closer, leaning against the bar slightly so you can hear him more audibly. "That guy you talked to, you've talked to him a week ago, right?"

You open your mouth in surprise. "How do you know about that?"

"I've seen you. I've seen that drunk man bothering you when I came from my office, thought I would step in but then I saw him already taking care of it. You didn't seem like you wanted anyone else to interfere."

You ignore the last comment, glancing at Jimin who seems to be enjoying what he's hearing, smirking and grinning at you as you bump your elbow to his side.

Confidently, you clear your throat trying to hide the blush that wants to creep onto your cheeks. "He was just being nice." you try to wave him off, shocked when Yejun amusingly shakes his head.

"Well, that young guy you just talked with, came here three times this week looking for you."

Your jaw drops, completely surprised by the new information. That explains why he was so surprised to know you're not working here full-time and seemed kind of shy at the beginning. "Looking for me?"

"Well, he wasn't exactly asking about you but I noticed him looking for someone whenever he came to order more drinks. I thought he was looking for you since I saw you last week, but seeing you now I'm almost certain that I'm right."

A group of people approaches him, causing him to excuse himself as he gives you a wink before he goes to fully take care of their order.

Glancing sideways, you see Jimin smirking at you knowingly as you're trying to hide your blush and shyness by straightening yourself. "Shut up." you grumble at him, letting him take the tray with your drinks while you hear his bubbly laugh behind you.

You can't help but let a small smile ghost over your lips at Haneul cuteness, his interest in you is no longer just your imagination but a reality.

An hour or so later, Haneul keeps his promise and finds you, rescuing you from being in an awkward silence between Taehyung and Jimin making out with some girls that joined your booth. You introduced him to your friends, ignoring Jimin's knowing smirk he hides by kissing the female that sits next to him while Taehyung shouts a cheerful greeting, too preoccupied to properly even look at Haneul. He doesn't even question who Haneul is, being welcoming as usual as you grin sheepishly at Haneul that seems to be amused.

You drink together, mostly just talking and getting to know each other through the loud music. Being in a club full of sweaty bodies and loud music isn't quite the right scene to be having a casual conversation, but the two of you are in your own world. You get an even better feeling from him, hearing him talking to you so freely and getting to know him better.

You're surprised when he tells you his age, finding out he's twenty and that makes him younger than you. But it doesn't bother you because he's sweet, not eyeing you like you're his treat of the night. He seems genuinely interested in you, asking you questions to get you know better.

So you talk about your job, teasing him that you're older than him which he just playfully rolls his eyes. He does seem to have innocent and youthful features, that's why he gives away those youthful vibes because he has seemed like a typical college boy when you first saw him, not that it bothers you or it's something bad. He still looks better than any typical college boy. Your guess has been right, he is still in college but from what you've managed to gather, he is really mature and the way he talks makes him look as if he's being the older one. Not just the fact he's quite tall, but the way he acts too.

You're not sure how many hours you've been talking, he even introduces you to his own group of friends that later joins you in your reserved booth, smiling shyly when you notice them giving the same teasing smirks and grins to him just like Jimin was giving you later. You see him clenching his jaw, annoyed by the teasing of his friends and how much he tries to tell them to fuck themselves, he controls himself and just gives you a shy grin.

Later on, he asks you if you want to dance and it's probably the only chance of you two being alone, safe from the grinning faces and teasing eyes of your friends. You're not drunk enough to embarrass yourself on the dance floor, but the need of being alone with him is stronger because you're actually having a good time. So, you take a swig of your shot, drinking it all before you let him lead you onto the dance floor.

Even as you're dancing, letting yourself relax thanks to the shot, he keeps his hands respectfully on your hips not letting them drop any lower. Even though you wish he'd touch you more, the amount of alcohol makes you more braver and confident, wanting to feel him closer. But you don't make a move, respectfully letting him treat you like a princess. And you dance, until the two of you are gasping and sweaty, your hands firmly on his chest as you look him in the eyes, finding him way closer than you thought he'd be.

"I think I want to take you out." he admits softly, but loudly enough for you to hear as his lips brush against your ear and hair that's covering it.

You shudder, trying not to look too excited as you pull away slightly to look him in the eyes. "You think?"

"No, I mean... I know I want to take you out. On a date." He chuckles nervously, the ends of his hair sticking to his forehead as he still maintains that fresh scent of his cologne.

You hold your excitement and a hammering heart for later, but don't hide the smile that spreads on your lips. "I think I'd like that."

"You think?" he asks in return, grinning as you laugh.

"No, I know." you muse.

When you get back to the booth, Taehyung ready to fall asleep any second as his head keeps dropping low, you and Jimin agree that's it for tonight as you can't feel your legs in those goddamn heals anyway and your own tiredness is getting to you (considering you're not that sober either but still not fully drunk like Taehyung is). You and Haneul exchange  phone numbers, bidding a goodbye with shy and knowing smiles before he helps Jimin to make Taehyung stand up. He's too tired to protest, luckily not having the urge to vomit as usual.

As the three of you sit in the cab, Taehyung's head dropped on your shoulder as soft snores leave his mouth, Jimin looks at you questionably when he sees you smiling.

"I have a date!" you call out excitedly, no longer hiding your excitement about Haneul as Jimin starts laughing at your cuteness, with your friend sleeping between you two completely unaware of the news.

[mysilaan]

What type of person do you think the LIs would fall head over heels for? Touchstarved please!

Hello Anon!! I must admit that I haven't given the subject much thought before your question and it was quite hard to imagine because I don’t think they have any ‘ideal type’. I even asked @dreamtydraw about it to have someone else's opinion (I’m literally basing Mhin’s answer on hers because I had none before and I agree with her, HAHA HELLO) but we both agreed that we have so little information about the LIs that it’s almost impossible�� 

BUT, I tried and here is what I’m thinking!

Hope I answered right despite all the blur around Touchstarved lore… I'm definitely better at writing angst about those guys I promise 😞

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TOUCHSTARVED HEADCANONS 🍒

⭐

Kuras: To me Kuras doesn’t like nosy people and being asked too insistently to talk about things he wants to keep secret. So I think that someone who gives him space and privacy when he needs, is most likely someone Kuras will grow fond of. I think that he is attached to the notion of ‘mutual trust’, so as long as you trust him and don’t pry too much into his secrets he might show you what's closest to love for him… With his demeanor, it’s hard to imagine him falling head over heels for someone, he’d probably show his affection with quality time. Leander: Might be one of the most toxic amongst the LIs… Sorry… I think that like Kuras,   he’d love someone who doesn’t put their nose in his business and doesn’t ask too many questions. But -apart from his sexual life- he loves to be in control. From what we have seen of him, he might be interested in anyone who slightly catches his interests and is easily manipulated into being completely dependent on him. Nonetheless, as fucked up as he is, I’m sure he would fall head over heels for someone who dominates him instead of being another puppet. (He might moan if you call him garbage) Vere: This one is a mystery… He doesn’t like anyone except for Ais, so it’s kind of hard to tell yet… Maybe someone as fucked up as him (if not more)? God knows best my friend. Mhin: They are quite hard to understand because they didn’t show anything more than animosity yet but… I feel like Mhin would fall in love with someone deeply kind. They don't really like anyone except for Kuras, and it makes me think that even if Kuras isn’t what we can call ‘kind’ he at least seems to have no bad intentions in whatever he is doing, which might be a factor for Mhin’s appreciation of his person. Also, I remember that during the game, when you make them notice that they’re quite mean to you, they flutter a bit. Mhin is really a kind soul, I’m convinced about it, they may be antipathetic but they for sure appreciate good people. Ais: He can definitely fall in love with someone very self-assured, someone who knows what they want. Ais may give off the vibes of a ‘bad boy’ but he is one of the most well intentioned LIs for me. Bonus if you’re as freaky and teasing than him 🫡