#a mountain of duggars

[wtffundiefamilies]

Speaking of growing up fast, I can’t believe this little chaos gremlin is only a year away from adulthood!

[fundiefun]

BRO i had a fundie dream last night!!! so it was like a rainbow baby after annabell was announced and then joy did a double announcement WITH JANA who was like “i, too, am however many weeks pregnant!” and everyone was like “????????????YOU’RE NOT MARRIED?????????” and then she made a follow up post explaining that she had been in a courtship with this one man named andrew walker who looked really kind and they’d met in an outdoors club and clicked when he opened her eyes up about the true meaning of christ’s teachings and the hypocracies of christianity, and so they went on this three week long outdoor retreat and by the end, they got engaged, and jana was saying in the caption how “our close proximity and lack of outside company led us to the same tent which has given me our beautiful baby girl due in april. andrew is the love of my life and would have been my husband if he had not been taken back to christ in a rock climbing accident this weekend. my heart is utterly broken over the loss of my fiancé, but in a way, i am grateful for our sin, as i will always hold a piece of him in our daughter.” and then she named the little girl valeria andie walker and legally changed her last name to walker and dude this shit was so realistic bc i dreamed that i was seeing it all on instagram (she even changed her instagram bio to include “andrew’s girl👫🏼” and “val’s mama🤰🏼”) that i opened up tumblr today to be like WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT JANA’S DEAD FIANCÉ AND ILLEGITIMATE PREGNANCY

[whatsaduggar]

so was no one gonna tell me there’s an UpTV app where I can watch Bringing Up Bates or did I just have to see a Roku ad myself

[duggardata]

Denver + Praise Are Engaged

It’s Official!  Here’s What We Know, So Far.

As suspected, Denver is involved with his Older Sister Allison’s Sister–In–Law, Praise.  (Praise is Allison’s Husband’s Sister.)  Denver + Praise appear to have been involved since June 2020, if not before, but the Bontrager Family hadn’t officially confirmed anything.  Finally, last night (November 30, 2020), Marlin + Becky posted on the Bontrager Family Blog, announcing that Denver + Praise are engaged.

Denver Elliot Bontrager, 20 (DOB December 5, 1999), is the 6th of 10 Children born to Marlin + Becky (Stolzfus) Bontrager of Kalona, Iowa.  He works on the family farm and tours with the family band (The Bontrager Family Singers).  He plays guitar, violin, and mandolin.  Denver was homeschooled, and graduated early in 2016.  Currently, he’s the oldest Bontrager living at home.  His 5 Older Siblings—Chelsy Maxwell, Allison Helferich, and Mitchell, Carson, and Joshua Bontrager—are all married, as of 2020.

Praise T.L. (“The Lord”) Helferich, 25 (DOB January 6, 1995), is one of Kevin + Lisa Marie (Dahmen) Helferich’s 11 Children.  The Helferiches live in Mountain Lake, Minnesota, and do mission work in Mexico.  Basically nothing is known about Praise’s education, employment, skills, or interests.

Siblings Marrying Siblings

Soon, 2 Bontragers (Denver and Allison) will be married to Helferiches (Praise and Jeremiah).  Weirdly enough, this isn’t the first time this has happened—2 Bontragers (Carson and Josh) married Bowers Sisters (Carolina and Cassidy) back in September 2017.  No other Predictor Family has ever had 2 Children marry into the same family.

Relationship Timeline

Pre–Courtship.  Literally, no idea.  Can’t estimate a Pre–C.S. Date.

Courtship.  Honestly, not sure.  Can’t estimate a Courtposal Date.  During the Bontrager Family Singers’ Summer Tour, Liz introduced Denver and said:  “He praises the Lord every day for a certain young lady from Minnesota!”  Duggar Data thinks she first said this on June 13, 2020, which was the first concert in the 2020 Summer Tour.  She said it again at concerts on July 12, July 15, and possibly others.  So...  Apparently, Denver + Praise were together by June, at least.  Still, this isn’t really enough to give us a Courtposal Date.  Sad!  

Engagement Date.  Again, we don’t really know.  But...  The Bontrager Blog announced it on November 30, 2020 at 11:17 PM.  Duggar Data thinks that’s significant, and possibly evidence that he’d just proposed.  (Why else would they post so weirdly late?)  Additionally, the Bontragers have historically not waited to announce proposals.  With the exception of Chelsy’s, all Bontrager Engagements were announced Same Day or 1 Day Later.  (Chelsy married a Maxwell, and they’re weirdly secretive about relationships.)  Based on this, I plan to use November 30, 2020 as Denver’s Estimated Proposal Date.    

Age at Courtship / Age Gap

Since we don’t have an Estimated ‘Courtposal’ Date for Denver + Praise, their data isn’t impacting Age at CS, right now.  (Their Age at CS displays as “?” in my spreadsheets.)  If we later learn their Courtposal Date, their data obviously would factor in.  I’ll keep y’all updated.

Just to give you the gist...  Let’s say Denver + Praise started courting on June 13, 2020, the day Liz first teased Denver about his ‘special lady.’  On June 13, 2020, Denver was Age 20.52 and Praise was Age 25.43.  Bontrager Sons (and Sons–In–Law) typically court at Age 22.74 (SD 2.53 Years) and their Daughters (and DILs) typically court at Age 22.86 (SD 2.73 Years).  Denver was 2.21 Years Younger (–0.88 SD) than that and Praise was 2.57 Years Older (+0.94 SD).  But like I said, I’m not factoring in their data, yet.  We don’t have a CS Start Date.

Let’s talk Age Gap!  Denver is 4.91 Years (or 1,794 Days) Younger than Praise.  While most Predictor Couples’ Age Gap favors the man, the Bontrager Family isn’t as rigid about this.  (Thus far, 50% of 2nd–Generation Bontrager Couples has an Older Woman.)  Denver + Praise’s Age Gap is the Largest Age Gap for Bontrager Couples, however...  And, their Age Gap is >2x that of the second–place couple, Allison + Jeremiah (722 Days Apart, Favoring Her).

When Will They Tie The Knot?

Typically, Bontrager Engagements last 105 Days (~3.4 Months), but it varies by a Standard Deviation (SD) of 24 Days.  Thus far, the Shortest Engagement was Allison + Jeremiah’s (77 Days), while the Longest was Carson + Carolina’s (136 Days).  All Bontrager Couples have wed on Fridays or Saturdays—3 Saturdays (Chelsy, Mitchell, Allison), and a Friday Double Wedding (Carson / Josh).

If Denver + Praise are exactly ‘typical,’ they’d marry after 105 Days.  Given the Estimated Proposal Date of November 30, 2020, that’d be March 15, 2021—a Monday.  Sincerely Doubting they’ll wed on Monday, let’s adjust it to Saturday, March 13, 2021.  Assuming Engagement Length is normally–distributed, odds are ~68% that they’ll wed between February 19–April 8, 2021.  The Fridays or Saturdays in that range are February 19, 20, 26, and 17; March 5, 6, 12, 13, 19, 20, 26, and 26; and April 2 and 3.

On the Bontrager Blog, Marlin stated (in a comment) that Denver + Praise will wed in March. An unverified registry (on Amazon) indicates the Wedding Date will possibly be March 20, 2021. If so, their engagement would be only 5 Days Longer than Average, and the Predictor would be off by just 1 Week. Not bad!

[tabloidtoc]

Us, January 4

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Why Tom Cruise really snapped 

Page 2: Red Carpet -- stars shine in sequins -- Ashley Benson, Dua Lipa, Rowan Blanchard, Demi Lovato, Logan Browning 

Page 3: Taraji P. Henson, Maude Apatow, Bebe Rexha, Kate Bosworth, Storm Reid 

Page 4: Who Wore It Best? Christian Serratos vs. Bella Hadid, Sara Sampaio vs. Elsa Hosk 

Page 6: Loose Talk -- Scott Disick praising his ex Kourtney Kardashian and mother to their children Mason and Penelope and Reign, Cher admitting she hates aging, Lizzo on having negative thoughts about her body, Isla Fisher recalling what she threatened husband Sacha Baron Cohen with after he cut her favorite skit from the second Borat film, Emily Blunt joking that Jamie Dornan is the antithesis of his 50 Shades of Grey and Wild Mountain Thyme characters 

Page 8: Contents 

Page 10: Hot Pics -- Duchess Camilla and Prince Charles met with frontline healthcare workers administering and receiving the new Covid-19 vaccine at the Gloucestershire Royal Hospital 

Page 11: Pregnant Katharine McPhee, for the holidays Ryan Reynolds helped raise more than $315,000 for Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children, Jennifer Lopez visiting a doctor in Beverly Hills 

Page 12: Snoop Dogg at a special screening of Fatale in Inglewood, Simon Cowell showed off his remarkable recovery while on a WaveRunner with his son Eric in Barbados, Nick Cannon helped distribute 2000 free meal boxes to the Hollywood Food Coalition for those in need 

Page 13: Gaten Matarazzo shills Nerds Gummy Clusters, a bundled up Timothee Chalamet walking around NYC 

Page 14: Stars They’re Just Like Us -- Padma Lakshmi takes public transportation in NYC, Heather Locklear pumps gas in L.A. 

Page 15: Duchess Kate and Prince William social distanced from Queen Elizabeth in Windsor, Lily Collins goes shopping at Target in West Hollywood 

Page 16: Hindsight is 2020 -- a look back at the year through photos 

Page 18: Hollywood Grandparents -- Michelle Duggar on her 19 grandchildren 

Page 19: While Jane Seymour initially socially distanced from her grandchildren she is now hanging at home with the little ones 

* Caitlyn Jenner on her 18 grandchildren 

* Tina Knowles Lawson stays connected to her grandchildren Daniel and Blue Ivy and Sir and Rumi by watching videos of them 

Page 20: Love Lives -- Katherine Schwarzenegger and Chris Pratt in it together 

Page 21: Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr.’s solid union

* Lana Del Rey and Clayton Johnson are engaged 

* Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson engaged 

Page 22: Hot Hollywood -- Prince William and Duchess Kate are happily bidding 2020 adieu -- after a tumultuous year the parents have been cherishing time with their kids Prince George and Princess Charlotte and Prince Louis

Page 23: Devout Christian Selena Gomez has reportedly left Hillsong the controversial megachurch celebrities have flocked to for years weeks after its disgraced pastor Carl Lentz was fired for cheating on his wife 

* Despite everything that’s going on in her personal life with her divorce Kelly Clarkson has something to be happy about: her talk show has been renewed through 2023

* Stars who are members of the Mile High Club -- Andy Cohen, Miranda Kerr, John Travolta, Cara Delevingne, Liam Neeson 

* Keeping Up With Us -- Pippa Middleton and husband James Matthews are due to welcome their second child in 2021, Little Mix announced Jesy Nelson exited the girl group after nine years, Little People Big World alum Jacob Roloff claimed he was molested by a former producer on the show, Hilary Duff announced the Lizzie McGuire revival had been scrapped after months of creative differences 

Page 24: A Day in the Life -- Ashley Graham 

Page 25: Hayden Panettiere is ending 2020 on a high note -- since cutting loose from her toxic ex Brian Hickerson she has been working on herself and she’s in a great place compared to where she was a year ago 

Page 26: Cover Story -- Tom Cruise comes undone -- Hollywood savior or egomaniac? What led to Tom’s epic on-set explosion 

Page 30: Still Going Strong -- it’s been almost 40 years since they burst onto the scene but these stars are on top of their game -- Tom Cruise, Molly Ringwald, Rob Lowe 

Page 31: Tom Hanks, Donnie Wahlberg, Winona Ryder, Christie Brinkley 

Page 32: 2020 -- and that’s a wrap -- from all the happy highs to the many lows the last 12 months have certainly been memorable 

Page 38: Beauty -- winterize your skincare -- tweak your routine to combat the drying effects of icy air, indoor heating and more 

Page 40: Entertainment -- The Best Movies of 2020 

Page 46: Fashion Police -- the worst looks of the year -- Gwyneth Paltrow, Kim Kardashian West, Kristen Wiig 

Page 47: Tove Lo, Melina Matsoukas, Brie Larson 

Page 48: 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me -- Jennifer Coolidge 

[keepingupwithfundies]

CO 1110: From Snow to Sand

The Vuolos host friends, and take them from snow to sand in one weekend. Joe and Ben host a Dad-chelor Party for John. Joy & Austin share exciting news with their family. 

-T

Minor Miscarriage TW: Mentions of Miscarriage at the end of the episode, as Joy announces her pregnancy and hosts a gender reveal. 

In LA, the Vuolos' friends James and Seung Hye are in town. They've been friends for a while, and have been on the show before. James photographed Jeremy's proposal to Jinger, and came to visit in Laredo and are now visiting LA. Seung Hye says California is so warm and nice, and asks how they're settling in. Jinger says it feels like home, and they are excited to snow their friends around. Jeremy says LA is one of the few areas of the country where you can quickly go from snow to sand, and that is the plan for the weekend. Everyone is excited for this plan.

Joe and Ben are throwing John a Dad-chelor Party- a play on "Bachelor party" for someone about to have a child. But Gracie came early, but they've decided to go ahead with the party anyway. Ben says it will be fun to have some guy time and celebrate with John. They're gonna do the "ultimate man food" steaks, and lots of games-diaper basketball. Spurgeon asks if he can go, and Ben says yes. They head to go shopping. First, they go to the butcher shop and the grocery store. They go to Jer & Jed's place, and Ben wets diapers in the sink. The guys arrive from the Duggar house- and Ben and joe have gotten funny tshirts for everyone- uncle shirts for the younger guys. Spurgeon says James is his favorite uncle, because he fixes stuff when it's broken. Austin's shirt says "I Make Cut Babies" and Josiah's says "Ask Me About My Dad Jokes." In talking heads, they tell dad jokes.

Back in California, the friends arrive at the mountains of Big Bear Lake. It's a bit warm, but there is snow. Another friend, Madison, watches Felicity while everyone else heads up the mountain. Everyone is excited for tubing, and they have fun heading down the mountain. Jeremy teases James for wearing a Team USA Olympic jacket, but James did a photoshoot for figure staking Olympians. After tubing, they head to the alpine slide- you ride on a little sled, and you can control your speed as you go. The Vuolos both head out and go fast- but Jinger uses her break a little, so Jeremy wins. James and Seung Hye go next, and James goes quickly as well. Seung Hye uses a heavy hand on her break and moves more slowly. Everyone teases her, and she makes it to the end of the hill. Everyone had a fun day, and they are excited to go to the beach tomorrow.

Back in Arkansas, John arrives at his Dad-chelor Party. John says they have been doing well since Gracie arrived, and they've been laying low and staying home so much. Ben sets everyone up to play diaper basketball-it's best of 5. Everyone has fun shooting and making jokes, and it ends up in a tie of John, Jer, Ben, Justin and Josiah with 3 each. They have them step back and go again. Justin ends up winning the tiebreaker. Next up, the steaks are served without any sides. As they eat, they talk about Gracie- and John says Abbie does most of the late nights to feed Gracie. In a Talking Head, Abbie says if she woke up him, he would do anything she needed. Joe says he doesn't wake up, he's a heavy sleeper-and Austin says he's a light sleeper and wakes up Joy. Josiah, Austin and Ben recount their experiences with newborns, and Ben says Ivy is their easiest baby yet. John says Gracie relies on them for everything, and taking care of her is a privilege and an honor. Ben asks everyone to give encouragement to John, and says he is an encouragement to his family and he is excited for them. The other guys say they knew John would be a great dad because he was a great big brother, and they joke about the boys room. JB asks John what he misses about the boy's room, and John says "absolutely nothing," and everyone laughs. The other brothers talk about what a good person John is, and Austin talks about how he always also saw John as a role model: he's wise beyond his years, and Austin is looking forward to seeing him raise Austin. Ben says it is important for guys to affirm and encourage one another. John says the party was a lot of fun, and he really enjoyed it. JB says they should do this for every new grandbaby, and Justin jokes they'd be over every week.

Back in LA, the Vuolos and friends head to Venice beach for a picnic. Felicity is so cute, and she loves the beach and food. She is very social, Jeremy says, and she is talking a lot to James and Seung Hye. Felicity is also particular, and she doesn't like to have anything on her hands. Jeremy says it is nice to be in a place where they can do things like this, and they should be more intentional about planning days out. Jeremy says while Felicity means they have to include extra planning, it is cool to see her explore the world. James asks Jeremy if he's been in the Pacific, and Jeremy says no. Jeremy and James agree to plunge in after lunch. They talk about kites- and Jeremy says he doesn't remember flying a kite ever. Jinger says they flew kites all the time growing up, but she's never done it on the beach. There is no wind on Venice beach that day, so Jeremy sprints to get it up in the air- it doesn't last long. Felicity is not impressed with the kites at all.  After running around with the kites, the guys are ready to plunge into the ocean-and they both run into the very cold pacific. It was freezing, but both guys are pleased with their dip. The Snow to Sand adventure was a big hit.

Joy and Austin are expecting, and they are excited to reveal the gender to their family. Joy says the pregnancy has been harder since time since their loss, but the whole family is thrilled for them. The family gathers up together outside, and Jessa says just about every gender reveal has been used up so far. Joy is having John fly over in a helicopter and drop confetti over the group. The helicopter approaches, and everyone is looking for the color. Everyone guesses blue or pink, and Joy is so excited as the helicopter comes closer. Pink confetti rains down on them, and everyone celebrates. Michelle is surprised it is another granddaughter-and everyone is excited for another little girl. This baby means it will officially be 9 boys and 9 girl Grandduggars. Everyone is excited, and this reveal was over the top. Joy says it has been a tough road, but she is excited and thankful everything is ok.

[kingxfmischief]

[Picked up a brochure for a place called Parrot Mountain thinking oh this looks interesting. Didn't realize it was called "Parrot Mountain and the Garden of Eden" and soon saw it was SUPER religious and was like ew

But then I opened the brochure fully and just proudly next to a picture is "The Duggars LOVE Parrot Mountain"

I actually laughed in shock because big fucking oof]

[dfnews]

Episode Recap of “From Snow to Sand”

First Aired: I don’t care anymore. Sometime September 2020.

 “Jinger and Jeremy take friends on a snow to sand adventure in California. Meanwhile, in Arkansas, the guys throw John a Dad-chelor party to welcome him to fatherhood. And later, Joy and Austin share some exciting news.

Dad-chelor party? You’ve got to be kidding me. 

1. Jinger and Jeremy have friends in town. Like-minded friends of course. Jeremy met this friend in a Bible study. They should stop going to church like me and make friends with others who aren’t their clones. They might learn more about God that way. The Vuolos, their friends, and Felicity’s babysitter head up to the mountains to play in the snow. They go snow tubing and I’m surprised to see Jinger actually looking relaxed and having some real fun. She really dropped her serious Christian woman face and looked like she was enjoying life for once. Next they’re at the beach for some sand, a picnic, and kite flying. Jeremy fails at kite flying and then he and his friend jump into the cold ocean water. Yeah, this was that exciting. I guess we can stop hoping that the Jinger and Jeremy LA scenes are going to make this show less dull. 

2. The lame Duggar manchildren are planning a datchelor party for John so he can celebrate having a baby by getting away from that baby. They pick up man meat to eat and that’s it. No sides. Not even one tater tot. All they want to eat at the party is steak because beef is the food of the manchild. I wonder how Jesus survived with no beef?  I guess His wine helped him to get through His sad cowless days. They create a manchildbaby game of diaper basketball, wear printed toddler t-shirts with adorable sayings on them, tell silly children’s jokes and do lots of giggling. John Boy eventually shows up but Jed has for some reason skipped the highly competitive diaper basketball game and beef eating contest. I think a campaign poster of him throwing diapers would certainly help him to win his election with baby voters. I might have to call children’s services on the Duggars. All the manchildren sit there eating huge-ass steaks and all little Spud says he got were “crackers in the car”. It’s a friggin party celebrating a man having a baby and they won’t even feed the baby who attended the party! Okay, I take that back. There is a quick clip of Spud eating hotdogs. I guess Spud was just trying to get the manchildren in trouble for not giving him steak. Good job, kid! The guys sit around worshiping John as an older brother who was a good example to them all. They pile the compliments on thick and try to make people forget about the oldest Duggar disappointment. You know, the adulterer and child molester. 

3. Joy has a gender reveal that involves a helicopter dropping pink paper onto Duggar property. Nobody died in this reveal. Luckily, Jeremy wasn’t flying the helicopter.

[nova-flashpan]

Nightshift at Bunker

It was unseasonably cold in Kings canyon that night. The chilled air bristled past, sweeping through the island with a mournful whistling wind that mingled with the rhythmic chorus of the syndicate grunts at work. Large flood lights pierced the darkness, casting strange, ominous shadows.

Bunker seemed to loom over Duger as he worked. He felt as though the structure and its mountain surroundings were peeking over his shoulder, silently judging his progress. His nerves began to manifest in his hands with a tremble that made his welding go off track, leaving a nasty scorch mark in the concrete. Doing a quick survey, he decided it was okay to calm himself the only way he knew how. He took one of the cigars from his pouch and lit it with the welding torch still ablaze.

“C’mon Duger, if you’re going to smoke that crap you could at least do it somewhere I don’t have to smell it.” Alex growled, smacking Duger upside the head.

Duger flinched and rubbed the back of his helmet on instinct, as if he had actually felt the impact. “I can’t help it man, I smoke when I’m nervous. This place gives me the Heebie-jeebies.”

Alex took a stack of energy ammo from his pack and began to restock the supply bin. He gave a mean chuckle. “You’re nervous, huh? Scared of the canyon at night? You should be, with the wildlife on the loose now you’re not on top of the food chain anymore. Some of those things would make a quick dinner out of a little pissant like you.” Alex punctuated his sentence by sealing the supply bin with a pneumatic hiss.

Duger felt bile rise in the back of his throat. I’m not cut out for this, he thought. He steadied himself against the rail and ignored Alex’s torment as much as he could, forcing himself to focus on the welding.

“Alex, quit your jabbering and go help them put in the doors up the hill. Duger, don’t screw up that weld, you know they like to have things put back into place carefully.” Clowa called from the cargo truck.

Alex gave a dutiful nod and hurried up the hill. Duger liked watching how fast he broke to authority. He might be a sadist, but he’s a sadist who can take orders. Duger finished his work quickly on that thought. better to work while the cats busy. As he stood up, he tried his best to rub the scorch mark out of the concrete with his boot.

“I know I just warned you to be careful, but you don’t have to be that anal about it. When we’re finished cleanup’s gonna come for the dried blood and stuff, they’ll buff it out for you.” Clowa said.

“Oh, uh thanks commander.” Duger said.

She rolled her eyes. “Loosen up kid, you’re on the night shift. Its supposed to be easy if you do it right.”

Duger gave a dutiful nod like Alex had done and moved to the next set of railing. Their work continued uninterrupted except for the occasional screech of a flyer or the ring of far off gunfire. Duger found it oddly comforting. Each pop was like a reminder to his fearful core that there wasn’t anything to worry about. They weren’t the prey in the canyon, they where the hunters.

“That’s the problem with the “work hard, play hard” Motto. Everyone gets on board with the play hard part, but when it comes to the work they flake out. Then the people who really work hard are stuck picking up all the slack.” Will said speaking in between mouthfuls of orange dusted chips.

He sat on the balcony’s edge dangling his legs over and swinging them like a child in the breeze. Garth squatted near him patching up a whole in the shack’s wall.

“Uh huh that’s a real shame.” Garth said.

“It’s more than a shame! It’s a Damned travesty is what it is. Hell, we would probably get done with our work in half the time if the slackers would pick up their feet a little.” Will said crumpling the bag and tossing it into the water below.

Duger walked over and plucked the bag from the water without thinking.

Garth turned. “You don’t have to do that Dug. Will’s a big boy and he should learn to pick up his own shit.” He said punching Will in the arm.

“It’s ok I don’t mind that much.” Duger said turning back embarrassed.

“Yeah see he don’t mind. He doesn’t complain he just gets the job done.” Will said with a shit eating grin.

“Willie you’re a prick, you Know that.” Garth said.

Their banter was cut short as a series of pops range behind the mountain. The workers stopped, they all noted how long the gunfire had gone on. It wasn’t unusual to hear a shot or two in quick succession, but this was continuing fire. Then came the long rips of fully automatic fire and the steady thumping of light machine guns. Duger jumped at the sound of a much bigger bang, the distinctive blast of a grenade.

Clowa growled and grabbed her radio. “What’s with the fireworks people? Is appropriate force a term you all forgot about?”

The radio was silent. She went down the bands switching from one to the next in quick succession. Each had a distinctive static click as it connected, but there was silence. No matter what she threatened the other end did not reply back. Half way through the list she paused as the radio connected right away. The little speaker projected the vrooming fire of a devotion on full blast and the screaming of a man on his last leg.

“This is commander Clowa report in! What’s the situation?” She yelled into the receiver, a sliver of fear leaking into her tone.

The devotion fire stopped as the magazine spent its last breath. There was a scream and the sound of crunching armor and bone. Then a static hiss as the signal was lost. Clowa stared at the radio wondering if she had really just heard the end of a whole platoon. Her thoughts were interrupted as another signal connected and the panicked voice of Alex picked up.

“The lights are going out! Somethings coming!”

Clowa turned to see it with her own eyes. The lights of artillery flickered and then where snuffed. The dark flood spread, and containment was swallowed into the inky blackness as well. The light glow that had appeared around the mountain went out with a mechanical clank as the floodlights on the other side went out.

The grunts moved quickly without orders, it was clear that the shit had hit the fan, and no one was going to sit around and wait to be told to gear up. Will made a beeline for the closed container ditching his issued rifle for the devotion that sat inside. Duger followed suit picking up a peacekeeper and adding attachments that he could find in the restocking stash. The momentum of the work stopped the terror from fully sinking in, so he rode it like a wave.

Clowa worked through their ranks checking their weapons and dolling out attachments and grenades. They were scared but she couldn’t allow chaos to go unchecked. Better to act as if she still had everything in hand, give them a foundation to work from. She held her face plain and hoped they couldn’t see the nervous twitch in her eye. She had them form around the bunker’s entrance, creating a fallback if things escalated.

“Alex do you have confirmation on the enemy? What are we fighting here?” Clowa asked in a hushed tone into the radio.

“No, we’ve had limited visual contact. I can’t Identify who, but they’re individuals in Black armor. They’re blending into the dark, using the shadows to hide. I think they might be special ops or something.” Alex said.

Clowa’s brow furrowed. She had thought it was wildlife at first, an invasion of the more aggressive outland species. That bone crunching, she had heard made more sense for animals. She shivered at the thought of the kind of person who would do that.

“Hold your position and give me any updates on their movement. I’m gonna call the Calvary in for this.” She said.

Clowa entered the syndicate main line and tried to connect. She only heard static. She could feel the eyes of the grunts on her, their hope resting on her like the weight of a sinking ship. I need to keep control, need to keep everyone together, she thought. She sent an outbound signal.

“This is commander Clowa of the 19th restocking crew requesting immediate evac. We have hostiles surrounding us. Over.”

There was static and then a different sound, not quite breathing, but the idle fidgeting of another presence. She knew someone or something had heard her. She pressed the button to speak again when a growling metallic “No” pierced through the static.

Clowa did a double take. did I really just here that? She thought. No, surely it was a trick of the static. Her mind finding a voice amongst the white noise. It felt real though. She tried to resend the signal only to find that the radio was no longer working. That “No” had meant it.

The grunts turned to hill as screams and gunfire sang from the top. Duggar felt his intestines pretzel themselves in his gut as he recognized one of the voices of agony. In his lower moments he had wondered what it would be like to hear Alex scream in pain. He knew now and wished he never had.

“Fall back Fall back!” Clowa screamed the last of nerves giving way.

The soldiers flooded into the narrow passageways of bunker. Clowa waited at the entrance for a moment, hoping to see a few of her men escape from the hilltop. She was instead met with a wave of dark armored soldiers running and leaping with inhuman speed. Clowa was able to close the doors just in time as the wave crashed into bunker.

The men leapt back as the swarm continued to batter against the door. Sending body after body crashing against the plated steel. The slamming slowed and finally stopped as the swarm realized it could not push into the structure. The mass of soldiers stood still now, as if they, or it, were thinking.

“Alex?” Duger whispered as he peered through the bullet proof glass.

Alex was there at the forefront his armor and skin turned an ashen black. His eyes gave an eerie glow and he wore a wide snarling smile that was anything but friendly. He noticed that they were all Grunts, all fellow soldiers. He recognized many of them. They had been his colleges, some had even been his friends.

The swarm took a collective step back and two separated from its ranks and stepped forward. They grabbed both halves off the door and began to push opposite directions. At first there was nothing. Then another pair joined and then another. And the door began to make a creaking sound as the lock began to break.

“Hold the door!” Clowa yelled as she braced one of the sides trying to stop its movement.

The other men rushed in and pushed along side her. Duger stood there being and feeling completely helpless. The eyes of the shadow men outside seemed to lock on his every time he looked.

“Duger God dammit help us!” Will shouted.

Duger snapped out of it and grabbed his welding torch. He set the torch to its highest setting praying that it was hot enough for the reinforced material. The weld was sloppy, but it held fusing the two halves of the door together.

Will clapped him on the shoulder as they stepped back. “I knew yah had it in you little guy.”

The others joined in whooping and cheering, taking the little victory in stride. Clowa didn’t join them, she stood at the door still wrestling with a feeling that there was something else off. As she scanned the now still swarm it came to her.

“Weren’t there more of them?” She asked.

Her question was answered by a shrieking crash from further in the facility. Hearts sank and stomachs dropped as they remembered the other entrance. It may have been locked, but that wasn’t enough anymore.

They were overtaken in moments. The narrow hallways gave them a slight advantage, but there was no beating their sheer numbers. As the fighting went on the lights where knocked out and the canyon sat in complete darkness.

Duger was the last man standing. He had torn the devotion from Will’s cold dead hands and was now blasting away. The lasers where the only source of light. The Blue blots of plasma seemed almost holy to him and he could not help but chuckle, wondering if that’s why it had been given that name.

Then the clip ran dry and he was in the godless dark. He shrank back into the corner slipping in someone else’s blood. He should have died as soon as the clip ran out, but instead he was left with the cruel fate of waiting for death hopelessly. He wept there in the dark, wishing they would just do it. He knew they were still there, he could hear them ripping apart armor and breaking bones.

Then just before madness fully grasped him, he felt a cold metal hand grab his face in the darkness. Suddenly he feared death again, for some reason he felt that death by this hand would be worse somehow. He began to sputter pleading for his life between racking sobs.

There was a deep metallic voice that spoke calmly and coolly, though he felt an immeasurable anger deep in its tones.

“Why do you cry little meat sack? Are you afraid I’m going to hurt you? I could never, not too something as pitiful as you. No. no. There’s no sport in that.”

Duger’s crying slowed. Maybe he had been wrong about the dark. It was ok. He was going to be ok. The voice wouldn’t hurt him, and everything would be alright. The metal hand left his face.

“I certainly wouldn’t hurt you.” The voice reassured, then it gave a sinister chuckle. “However, I can’t speak for them.”

They swarmed him now Striking and tearing. The last thing he heard as he left the mortal coil was the clank of metal feet. The metal hands picked through the remains of Clowa in the dark and wrapped around a control key card.

“Now the reel fun can begin.”

(This was written as a sort of prelude to the new apex legends Halloween event. I’m sure there will be an in game explanation for how the game mode happens, but I thought it would be fun to do something on the spookier side.)

[eldritchsurveys]

685.

what was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? were you relieved when it was over? >> This survey is from early 2009 and let me tell you, I don’t even remember the 2008 election anymore. I’ll be fucking relieved when this year’s is over, though (although depending on who wins, the noise might keep going right through the end of the year, so I may get no relief).

what do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? could you handle taking care of that many children? >> I have my share of uncharitable thoughts about families with that many children, but I’d rather not give voice to that kind of rudeness. It’s nothing to do with me, anyway. I couldn’t handle taking care of one child, so that’s that on that.

in your opinion, do you think that you act your age? what do other people think? >> I don’t know what it is to act a certain number of years old. I don’t know what other people think regarding this and I really don’t care.

what is the nicest thing you have ever done for a stranger? >> Nothing comes to mind.

so far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? how has it effected your life? >> I find it difficult to think of my life in terms of decisions I’ve made, and direct results of those decisions. That’s just not how things work -- I’ve made choices, but the things that happened after those choices are not necessarily direct results of the choices I made. The element of other people and the element of randomness play equal parts, too.

have you reunited with any old friends recently? was it awkward, or just like old times? >> No.

when was the last time you talked to your first ex? >> ---

how different is your online personality from your offline personality? >> It’s the same personality, dude. It might manifest somewhat differently because of the difference in communication style (typed dialogue vs face-to-face dialogue), and that’s all.

have you made any headway on any new year's resolutions? >> I don’t make resolutions.

what are your favorite holiday-themed movies? >> It’s a Wonderful Life, Rise of the Guardians, Klaus, Love Actually.

do you listen to christmas-/winter-themed music when the season comes around? >> I sure do.

if you could create a law, what would it be, and why? what if you could take one away? which, and why? >> I have zero interest in the law.

is there anything that you do that's potentially controversial? >> Well, sure, depending on one’s worldview. I’m sure some special people out there don’t think I should even be alive, in which case my very existence is controversial.

would you ever sign up for a reality television show? if yes: which one, why, and how would you act while on tv? >> No. Absolutely fucking not. NO.

what is your most recent obsession? >> Hmm... Heartman from Death Stranding, maybe. Low-grade obsession, but it counts.

do you say "merry christmas" or "happy holidays"? to you, does it really matter which one is said / you say? do you do your best to remain politically correct? >> I repeat whatever is said to me first, because that’s usually how such interactions go -- I rarely initiate any sort of seasonal greeting like this.

if you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? >> I would really rather not.

is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can't? >> Sometimes I get frustrated with the patchiness and distance, so to speak, of my memory, but I’ve come to expect it. Most of these memories aren’t specifically mine, after all.

what was the last thing / event to trigger a painful memory? >> A lot of my memories are painful because they make me feel alien and disjointed, or like I’ve “lost” something important, or whatever. So, like, I don’t know if anything triggers that, sometimes I just randomly remember shit.

if you had to give up one of your 5 senses, which would it be? >> No thanks.

what do you think of people that choose not to vote? >> I don’t think anything of them. That’s their right. The fuck do I care? Also, I was one of those people until very recently, and I still don’t feel any better or like a better citizen or whatever for having begrudgingly registered.

are you keeping anything from the people you love? >> I mean, not intentionally, I guess.

have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? >> No.

what is the worst physical pain you have endured? >> Cramps.

what is one thing that you want other people to know about you? why is it so important that someone knows this? >> Meh.

what is something you wish people DIDN'T know about you? what would be different if they didn't? >> I have Trauma Brain so I irrationally wish no one knew anything about me because vulnerability bad.

what is the worst question that someone could possibly ask you? what about the worst thing that someone could say to you? >> *shrug*?

would you consider yourself a sensitive person? why, or why not? >> I don’t know. Maybe there is a sensitive person in here somewhere, but it’s buried in all the noise from Trauma Brain. Or maybe Trauma Brain is the sensitive person turned in on itself. I don’t fucking know, next.

you can spend the day with anyone, living or dead; who do you choose? what do you do / where do you go? >> ---

when was the last time you let something 'go to your head'? >> I don’t really know.

when are you most likely to show off? >> I don’t show off. I have nothing to show off, lol.

which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? >> I like both views. I don’t see why I should have to choose. I live on a landmass where you can easily make trips to see both. (Well, considering travel expenses, “easily” might not be the right word. But.)

do you follow any dating rules / play any dating games? >> No.

when was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? >> Good question.

how do you, personally, know when you are falling in love? >> ---

when was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? >> Maybe last spring? I don’t know. I do enjoy doing that very much, though.

in your opinion, which holiday is the least important? >> All of the United States-specific ones are just. Trash.

what was the last thing that happened that you couldn't explain? >> I can think of an explanation for anything. Whether the explanation makes any sense to anyone else but me is the question.

what do you do with all of your spare change? >> ---

where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? >> ---

how many cans of soda do you drink in a day? >> Zero.

what is your idea of paradise? >> I never bothered thinking of one. Maybe Inworld is the closest thing.

what do you think goes on in the minds of the opposite sex? >> You know. Thoughts.

what is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? >> I have no idea what the oldest thing I own is, but I guarantee you it’s not more than 4 years old. The newest thing is an eyeshadow palette and a lipstick that Sparrow got me.

is there anything you wish you had never found out about? >> Probably.

describe your handwriting? >> I don’t know how to describe it. It’d probably be pretty difficult to forge.

have you ever had to choose between friends and family? if yes, what happened? >> No.

in what ways has music affected your life? >> Many ways. It’s a very integral part of my life and has been since childhood. It’s the one constant (aside from Inworld).

what is something that you refuse to believe in? >> I don’t refuse to believe in anything. Some systems just don’t work for me so I don’t use them. They might exist for someone, but they don’t for me.

what is something you wish more people believed in? >> ---

what food is your ultimate comfort food? >> I don’t think I have one.

have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? what? >> When I was pretty young, I tried to make one. But I opened it within like, a year. I couldn’t imagine waiting for like... ten years or whatever because I couldn’t even fathom that kind of time, lmao.

how did you come up with your bzoink screen name? what would you change it to, if you could? >> It’s just one of my standard usernames. I really only registered to avoid seeing that “this is a rated R survey” screen and having to click through it every time.

when was the last time you experienced deja vu? >> I don’t remember. Maybe never.

what do you do when someone snarkily corrects your grammar? >> Ignore them.

what was the last thing that you put quotations around? >> Part of my answer three questions ago.

in the time it took you to fill this out, what else could you have done? >> Well, it’s taken me a half-hour, so I could have done a lot of things in that time. Watched a show episode, eaten, done a dance, idk.

is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? >> There is a lot of violence on television. People should be sensitive to violence, because desensitisation to violence has led to a lot of bad shit. Personally, I’m mostly desensitised to fictional violence and that probably is becuase I’ve seen a fuckton of it, but fictional violence isn’t the same as real-life violence, and I would probably still react more acutely to violence that’s literally happening in front of me.

what is one "junk food" you enjoy? >> I refuse to label foods like this. It’s reductive and unhelpful.

what is one "health food" you enjoy? >> ^

what is something you used to fear, but no longer do? >> Thunderstorms.

who was your first hero? >> ---

is there anything your friends won't let you forget? >> No?

is there something you have trouble putting into words? >> There are many things I have trouble verbalising.

when was the last time you were at a loss for words? >> I don’t remember.

what bothers you most about getting older? >> The increased likelihood of disease and infirmity.

have you ever flown all by yourself? how was it? >> Many times. It’s lovely.

if you have one hour left to live, how do you spend it? >> ---

do you think it's important to know a 2nd language? >> Sure, but it might not be important to someone else, and that’s fine.

do you know anyone that's just naturally good at almost everything? >> No.

do you know anyone that's just bad at everything? >> No.

what is one emoticon you use often? >> xD

what is one emoticon you almost never use? >> Hmm.... I can’t think of one.

do you use emoticons to express yourself? >> Sure. That’s what they’re there for.

[wtffundiefamilies]

Happy birthday Jessa!

[fundiemental-shitposts]

Josie, kendra, michelle, and mary for the duggar lady asks!

Josie: As an introvert I’m not a huge fan of being the center of attention but I’m actually pretty okay at public speaking, and if I have to be the center of attention usually I’m fine as long as I have somewhere I can go and have a five minute mental recharge if that’s going to last for more than a couple of hours.

Kendra: Six months’ vacation - Two weeks each in Peru and New Zealand (never been and both are on my bucket list/if I win the lottery), two months traveling around different US National Parks - Yellowstone, Sequoia, the Grand Canyon, and Crater Lake are the four I would have to visit (and depending on time of year I’d go back to Denali or Rocky Mountains because my lungs hate high altitudes and the cold), three days in Boston, five in New York City, a weekend in Philadelphia, a month in the UK, and the rest of the time zipping around wherever (again, it depends on the time of year).

Michelle: I flip-flop between wanting kids and not but during times when I do I’ve said I’d stop whenever I have twins or have three kids, whichever comes first, though realistically and for my mental health it’s probably best if I stop after one or two. As for extended/found family, I hope to be the mom in the friend group my kids’ friends/friends’ kids are comfortable talking to if they’re not sure how to approach something with their own family, and I’m pretty family-oriented so being the designated hangout place is totally worth cleaning up after the fact.

Mary: My big love languages are quality time and physical touch, so if I want to show I care then I make time for people with my phone away, and if I know they’re also on board with physical affection then I’ll cuddle or give hugs.

[totallyrobophobic]

I think I remember you saying you don’t have Instagram, so I thought I’d share this with you. It’s John and Abbie’s new profile pic. They updated it sometime in December and I suspect it was taken on their honeymoon. I resized it to make it bigger, which makes it a little blurry, but there seem to be mountains in the background. I really am curious as to where they went! They’re the only Duggar couple that hasn’t revealed their honeymoon destination.

Submitted by @beckym2001

Awww, they’re so cute!

[spurgie-cousin]

So do fundies think that every person born in the world is heterosexual? So what do they think LGBTQ people are then? Pretending they are attracted to the same sex? Or that they are evil? Did Derick think Jazz was pretending to be a girl or that her feelings arent valid and she should live as a boy?

It's not that they think they're pretending exactly. It varies but for the Duggars I think they view any homosexual feelings or behaviors as something that develops based on the individual's life choices, and therefore it can be overcome.

Derick and other anti-trans folk think that trans people are mentally ill or seriously confused.

Obviously both perspectives are 300% wrong and there's mountains of evidence to prove it but, that's fundies for ya.

[duggardata]

Katie Bates + Travis Clark Have Been Together For 1 Year

Today (Saturday, June 27, 2020), Travis posted on Instagram in honor of his and Katie’s 1st “Anniversary.”  Duggar Data is assuming this the anniversary of when they first started talking or pursuing a relationship—and therefore considers this confirmation that their Pre–Courtship began on June 27, 2019.

Note that we basically already knew this; however, it is now doubly confirmed.

[ Permalink to Referenced Instagram Post ]

Side Note—Do you guys think the mountains in the photo above look like they might be the Rockies?  Travis just posted about being in Colorado a couple of days ago.  If Katie is there with him...  You guys think it could be a proposal?

Maybe not.  You’d think UPTV would keep a proposal trip more Need to Know.

[duggarsetal]

Do you know Krista's take on Modest dressing? I think I saw a pic of her and Jinger both in pants from a long time ago. But that in a snow storm. In all of the pics I see she's in a dress 99% of the time. And I saw the post about her wanting a Duggar style suit. Do you know her stance????

Not explicitly, or in mountains of detail, no I don't know what her stance on modesty is.She has said in the past that her preference is for less skin to be showing and that she doesn't have any particular opposition to women wearing pants (she wear pants herself)I'm sure if you asked her, she'd be willing to talk to you about it! She has a tumblr account - with anon on, I think - of her own, @kristagay