#a month later and I'm still just looking at them stunned like 'you literally saved my life'

[crown-of-light-shadows-and-love]

The Only Darkness In the Room is Your Eyes (A Love Poem For the Executioner)

The only dark I see–my only haven is the center of your burning eyes. All else is blinding shimmering of dehydration and cataracts. You are so near I can see you with my physical eyes. Love, be gentle, I had begged, I’m dying– your words did not tell me what I already did not know. Your sword only confirms it. Anguish had been in your voice, but also resolution to give mercy (end my life) if needed. Kindness might mean your sword in my heart; but not now, because you’re helping me walk, to explain when I fall into a chair what’s happening; symptoms and I’ve never seen a doctor move so fast as the words “this is going to kill me.” I could say Death is beside me, so near I could touch them. The Executioner is a face of mercy, how you once said that to me in my despair. Eleven years hasn’t been enough, the roughness of tears in your voice, even as orders are given for tests, to stop on the medication causing this. In my apartment later, your hands inside my chest–around my heart– seizing me away from death’s door. You give me your own breath, your own tears. Using the sword can’t be undone once it’s drawn. You call every resource of magic and friends and prayers, every tool of centuries old knowledge for your love who is an entire world away. Every day as I heal, you hold me, saving my life even as you are Death

[writerscall]

bruises.

spiderwoman!hazel au. she's known about hazel's little secret for a while now and she's done giving her excuses a free pass.

author's note/s: 1.2k words. trigger warning for talk of injuries, switched to the use of 'you' here for reader cause third person wasn't working for me

It's routine for you to replenish the contents of the first-aid kit in your bedside table's drawer now. You even keep one in your locker and have had many silent debates with yourself on keeping a small one in your bag, just in case. For the past four months, Hazel Callahan has been climbing up to your window to ask for your help with treating a bruise or two. Because of that new women's self-defense club - the "fight club" that started up at school, she said.

Which was incidentally formed about a week after the first news headline came out about some masked vigilante swinging around the city. Fighting crime and saving civilians and beating up bad guys and all that.

Now coincidental rather than incidental for you though, since the day you saw Hazel rushing into her house then saw the infamous Spiderwoman spring out of her bedroom window mere seconds later. You were stunned, but it wasn't hard for you to connect the dots. Your already had your suspicions about some of the bruises Hazel supposedly got from her club; you doubt any of the girls there could actually land a hit that could damage her that badly.

But it's not an easy thing to bring up or just ask about, so you've kept quiet about it. Until that night, however.

You're half-asleep when you hears the incessant knocking at her window. You try not to groan as you throw back the covers and get up, knowing exactly who it is, but whatever irritation you have is gone once you see Hazel's face in the moonlight.

"Jesus Christ," you mutter as you pull her inside, hurriedly moving across the room to switch the light on. "Are you okay?"

"Pretty sure I've been better." Hazel smiles, actually smiles with that joke. But you can only sigh at her in response. Hazel literally looked like she got her face smashed into a wall or to the ground repeatedly - considering the people and things you've seen her fight against, that might've been what happened. There was a bruise along her jawline that you were sure you wouldn't be able to help cover up with make-up the next day and a cut on her forehead where a previous one just healed.

"Let me guess. It's from fight club again?" You manage not to make air quotations at 'fight club' but can't help the disbelieving tone when you say it. There's no way she expects you to believe that.

But as usual, she does. "I was just caught off guard cause we were practicing 'til late at night today and... and I was tired, cause you know, we had a whole day of school earlier and," Hazel stumbles out. The tone you used clearly got to her. "And when I fell it was to the ground and not the mat cause Sylvie got in a really, really good punch. You should've seen it actually."

You say nothing as you let her sit on the side of your bed and take the first-aid kit out, still quiet as you start wiping her face gently. She watches you intently, mouth opening and closing a few times before finally saying, "Don't be so worried. It's not the first time you've seen me like this and I'm always fine after."

"Yeah, sure." Until it happens again, you want to add. You get up to throw the wipes and tissues away and you can feel her eyes on you with every step. Hazel's never been good at dealing with friends being angry with her; you knew how sensitive she could be, which was why you were always quick to reassure her whenever it seemed like she was taking something to heart. It's why you've been patient for so long with her keeping the whole Spiderwoman thing a secret, but you didn't know how much longer you could take seeing her all beaten up and hear one lie after the other on how she supposedly got them.

"Please don't be mad—"

"When are you going to stop lying to me?"

Something shifts in the air at your question. You don't have to look at her to know how her eyes have widened and how her mouth was probably hanging open in shock, or how her mind was definitely racing at what you could possibly be talking about. Even though deep down, she knew.

You turn back around, sighing. "I know, Hazel. About your secret web-slinging life."

Hazel sits up straighter at your admission then stands up abruptly to pace the room, a panicked look on her face. "When did you— how did you even—"

"Does it matter? Why didn't you tell me?" You walk towards her and grab her by the arms, forcing her to stop. "You know you can trust me. I would never, ever tell anyone."

"That's not the point!" She shakes out of your grasp. "That's not the point," she repeats in a softer voice, continuing with, "You can't know. Nobody can because anybody who knows gets put in danger, and they'll come after you eventually to get to me, and I can't let that happen. Not to you, not to my mom, not to any of the girls in fight club. Especially not to you."

Your chest tightens at that. Quietly, you ask, "Why?"

There's a resigned, expectant look on her face when she says, "You know why."

And you do. The two of you have always been great friends but there's always been something else there, something a little more that neither of you were brave enough to acknowledge in fear of ruining what you had. You'd be lying if you said you never noticed the drop in her energy and expression every time you so much as made a passing comment that one of your classmates was cute, and you'd also be lying if you said you never thought anything about the weird feeling you got in your stomach when you saw how much closer she and Stella-Rebecca have gotten since joining the fight club together.

"I need you safe," Hazel says after a moment.

"You'll keep me safe. You'll protect me." You walk towards her again, reaching out to hold her roughed-up face in your hands. Almost instinctively, Hazel leans her cheek into your left palm. "I know you will because you would've done it whether I knew your secret or not. Because you're a good person and a fantastic superhero, Hazel."

Hazel just looks at you for a moment, clearly having some internal argument with herself, before she surges forward to kiss you. You press your lips firmly against hers, kissing her back soundly in case she'd panic and pull away too soon. But Hazel only pulls you in closer, a relieved sigh escaping her as she tilts her head to the side for a different angle.

If a kiss between the two of you was ever going to happen, then it was bound to be in some big reveal moment like this.

Reluctantly, you push her away after a moment because you couldn't let her or yourself get carried away; that first-aid couldn't be put away just yet, plus, your parents might've been dead asleep but they were still home. Both of you would have to put a raincheck on... whatever could've come next.

"Can I stay over tonight?" Hazel asks breathlessly, still eyeing your lips. You smile at her fondly and let out a chuckle, pushing her bangs away from her face.

"Yeah. I still need to fix up that cute face of yours, you know."

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 21

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

The last chapter of the story?!?!?!

I will be continuing my notes into the extras-already decided when I started book 1. Once those extras are done though,- pls pls pls I will accept any fanfic recs. I am absolutely ready to get lost in the sauce for the next several months. Send me your absolute favs! I will read the shit out of them.

Today I am back on my tea- this is a lady grey latte :'3

LET'S GOOOOO

Oh man. Thank fuck Shan Qinghua is okay, but Tianlang-jun is looking REAL rough. p272

Not snake boy! him too! p274

Mobei-Jun coming in to save his man 👏 Get it! p276

This story is so annoying. The "big bad" was never even evil. The man just wanted to hang out in the human realm, read poetry, and vibe but the humans were the ones being awful. This story was driven by nonsense the entire time at least in MMDZS the fake evil one was still being orchestrated by an actual evil one. This was just a bunch of fuckery and racism. p277

LOL when I read the big "fight" I was thinking- that's it? Literally all this build up for the fastest fight?? Then two paragraphs later SQQ also said "that's it?"p279 I really do feel bad for Tianlang-jun. He was done so dirty in this. (I do want a buttload of fanfic where he get's a better life and also works to actively set his son up LOL Tianlang-jun biggest Bingqiu shipper).

I still cannot get over that Zhuzhi-lang's mother straight up fucked a snake. p280

Why did this reveal have to be worse :((((( The fact that LBH's mom actually likely cared for Tianlang-jun but was imprisoned by the OPM, was too late to get to Tianlang-jun, and forced to drink poison. :((( uuuuuuuugh. p282-283

Holy shit! Luo Binghe is the one who is actually powering the realm merge!!! p286

Baby Luo Binghe this behaviour is so toxic :'( p289-291

Are you kidding me. :( Why Yue Qingyuan!!! Xuan Su actively drains his life force whenever he uses it. p296

and we get the reveal that Yue Qingyuan was the pal who promised to come back and save Shen Jiu. uuuugh my heart, why am I so emotional about this. p297

The most bittersweet system notifications rn, so upsetting. Bro is about to lose the only things he's grown to care about in this second life and they are just listing achievements for what pp298-299

I know Yue Qingyuan is in a bad way but I really am rooting for him. Good on SQQ for not giving YQY his last wish. I need this softy to pull through. p301

Oh no! BInghe is hallucinating now :(((((( the sword has totally fucked him with demonic qi. :((( p307

I always love when we get a scenario pusher- it really "pushes" SQQ's boundaries p307

OMG. Well. That's not a small scenario pusher!!!! What is it with MXTX always having her male protags fuck dry 🤮🤮 This is not cute, and I totally understand it is a "fuck or die" scenario but omg RIP SQQ's asshole. How is this both kind of tender and absolutely horrific :((((((( 🤮🤮 pp310-311

This is actually so terrible :( my heart what the fuck :( Luo Binghe reached out, wanting to touch him but also not daring to. His hand remained frozen in midair as he muttered, "Shi...zun?" Once he heard Luo Binghe call him "Shizun" as normal, Shen Qingqiu seemed to come alive, and he gasped in a breath. Unfortunately, due to how strained this breath was, it almost sounded like a sob. Luo Binghe was stunned, "Shizun...what...What did I do?" p314

aaaaand the Jade Guanyin :(((((((( p315

Bless the system for getting me out of the choke hold that this scene had me in. I truly thought everyone was about to die. pp318-320

I'm dead LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I clocked it many chapters ago with my jokes that SQQ was actually changing the genre and was really the bawdy love interest. He really did though XD ahahahaha p323

Thank fuck everyone (at least LBH and SQQ) are alive! I thought they would have killed LBH afterwards or with the state of his mental health, he would kill himself but thankfully he is not dead. p327

YAY! We have Yue Qingyuan alive as well! p329

Incredible. Shen Qinghua wanted this ending as well but decided to sell out for finances. Bless that this guy got to see his favorable ending play out LOL p333

oh!!! Tianlang-jun is also alive!! p335

My heart! SQQ to LBH " Of course what this master most wanted to see first was you!" p339

We hit the end of the main story!

Some final thoughts- that felt really abrupt. Like it just ended very fast. These two really have a strange relationship (I am sure more happens in the extras but as is stands it is still so ambiguous). Nary a real declaration of love, and their intimate moments were all fabricated by other situations or a product of deceit. I am excited to dig into the extras to see more about their relationship.

[gayuu-the-necromancer]

How are the suitors relationship with Kate in ikevil? Like can you describe it if you have leisure time?

If we put the whole creepy aspect aside, all the male leads are extremely kind towards Kate. They don't want her to be a part of their dark world so they all make sure she's safe and happy as long as she is with them.

Now this is just my general view about the characters based on William's route.

William- He wants Kate to be more open and more selfish of her desires. He doesn't want her to shut herself inside her room for the whole month until she leaves. He wants her to enjoy herself, eat her favorite food, do her favorite things, say whatever she has on her mind etc. He talks to her in a very gentle tone with a smile, not ordering her around, and instead, comforts her like she's a child. He finds her asking him so many questions really cute. He finds it funny when she openly admits that she loves food. In the end, all he wants is for Kate to get along with everyone in the Crown.

Liam - Liam is also very considerate of Kate. His lovely child-like personality eases Kate very much and it feels like Liam, according to her, is the easiest one to get along with out of all the Crown members. He has this very charming aura that attracts people. Liam sees Kate as his friend and was also ready to help her with her 'mission' in William's route. He was worried about Kate when she was stabbed in William's route. He kept telling Roger that he couldn't protect her when she was stabbed right in front of him and William.

Harrison - So far Harry's role in William's route is to warn her about things. Like saying 'William's affection is like rain'. There is no biggg role like saving her from the jaws of death or something like that.. He's there in the background with other members. He also doesn't see Kate as some kind of burden when she comes with them on their mission. Like when she doesn't understand something, he doesn't mock her or leave her in the dark but instead explains what they're doing and why they are doing and when she thanks him politely, he's stunned. Later she also asks if Harry telling lies is his own way of protecting his loved ones and Harry was again stunned.

Elbert - This man does some things in William's route, which if you look out of context, it's hella creepy. But when you find out that he did it with pure intentions, you'll think it's a little too much. Elbert is still so confused because he thinks Kate is beautiful but doesn't know if she is the 'most beautiful thing' he is looking for. Therefore El keeps asking Al if Kate is actually beautiful or not and Al keeps saying 'No, she isn't' because if he by chance he says 'yes' El would be literally ready to lock Kate in his room and also kill William. Yes, I'm not joking. Al literally says "Let's not have bloodshed within the Crown, shall we?"

Alphonse - This guy has a confusing personality. I haven't yet seen a scene where he shows genuine care for Kate. Yes, he also comes to help Kate with her mission along with Liam and Harry, but not because he wanted to, but because El forced him to. Other than that, he just teases her by saying some creepy things and that's about it. I don't know if he actually cares about her or not. Maybe he does and I just didn't notice it.

Roger - He was the one who took care of Kate when she got stabbed in William's route. After that they all have a party to celebrate, Will's return and Kate recovery and Kate thanks Roger for saving her, and Roger just shakes his head and congratulate her. That's all I can say about him.

Jude - This guy has like two whole scenes with Kate in William's routes, but I know this guy better than any other Crown members. He's a cocky bitch. Yes, he is arrogant, swears a lot, and acts like he doesn't care. There is one scene where Kate goes with Jude and Ellis to persuade Brian for a story-related purpose and Jude tells her that she has 3 minutes to persuade Brian and if she can't do it within that time limit, he will persuade Brian in his own way and she will have to stay quiet. No exceptions! But even after 3 minutes he still kinda lets her have her way because she tells him that she wants to persuade him without using violence and Jude is like 'Yeah, whatever'. That's all. He doesn't treat her like she is less than him or anything. He treats her equally as he treats all the other members of the Crown. If anyone tries to attack, he will stomp that guy unconscious and then acts like he didn't do it for her.

Ellis - Like Liam, Ellis is also very caring towards Kate. He keeps on worrying when she is not happy, so he does everything he could to make her happy. Like when they went on a mission to kill Avalus, Kate faints, and when she woke up in Roger's lab, Liam and Ellis were ready to bawl their eyes out because she didn't wake up for a long time. Ellis also gives her a chocolate, saying that something sweet will make her happy. The 4 of them, then spend time together talking about random things so that Kate forgets the gore she witnessed in their recent mission.

Victor - He's more like the dad of this game. He is the one who asks how Kate actually feels about William. He also cheers her up with his magic trick when she feels down. Victor is also the first guy that comes to Kate's mind when she wants someone to talk to and he is always ready to listen to her. He also encourages Kate to go and save William if she wants to and not only that, but he also encourages some of the Crown members (indirectly) if they want to help Kate with her mission. Then he also prepares a party for all the Crown members and Kate later on. SO yeah, he also cares about her.

[lutawolf]

Once Again Opinion

Shin Jae Woo befriended law student Kang Ji Hoon when he was ten. So it's no surprise that when Kang Ji Hoon dies protecting Shin Jae Woo, he feels incredible guilt. So much so that he still carries him in his heart fifteen years later. When he comes home to visit, he goes by the dorm in which Kang Ji Hoon used to live, once there he picks up the landline and hears Kang Ji Hoon. Before he knows it Shin Jae Woo is back in time at the age he is now. Will he able to change time or at least remove some regrets?

Luta, this show has nothing to do with BDSM so why you talking about it. Because it's stolen my heart. I was a little sad with everything that was going on last month. I wanted something to get new to get lost in and I found this. I'm scared for the ending but I can't look away. These characters have buried deep

The very first episode opens with a pull on the heartstrings. We see Shin Jae Woo at ten, screaming as Kang Ji Hoon is being stabbed. Yup, just start the series off traumatized. Guess their theory was, lets kill them and then bring them back to life. Oddly enough their theory was right because I'm still here. The cinematography is stunning. Everything smoothly glides from one scene to another and the visual is literally like looking at art. What I mean by this is that we soon find ourselves on the bus with Shin Jae Woo headed back home. It should feel stilted moving from a jarring scene to this but it's not at all. When Shin Jae Woo reaches home, we begin to see the devote and love he has for Kang Ji Hoon even after all this time. About half way through is when SJW goes to the dorm, which is set to be demolished January 30th. He visits the room that KJH stayed in and hears KJH's voice over the landline phone. SJW requests to keep the landline phone but as he steps out of the dormitory with it, he walks back in time. When he sees KJH coming towards him, he is jubilant and quickly captures him in a hug. This is where I got second hand embarrassment and threw the blanket over my head. Don't Judge Me!

Episode 2 has us seeing things from Kang Ji Hoon's point of view. From when he answers the phone and we see when the photograph was taken, that will later end up in SJW's hands. This is when we fall in love with the kind hearted KJH. He befriends a lonely boy that's staring at his ice-cream. I died with laughter when he offers the boy a taste of his and the boy looks like at him like he is an idiot. KJH then offers little SJW the extra bar that was meant for his friends. Hence the friendship begins between the two. Let me make it clear, the friendship is very innocent. There is clearly hero worship but Kang Ji Hoon is not looking at this kid as anything other than a brother/nephew. We go through these sequence of events that show why young SJW would hold KJH in his heart for the next 15 years despite his death. Then we reach the point where KJH is coming up the sidewalk and meets the adult SJW, a stranger that is embracing him.

Episode 3 has KJH flabbergasted as to why this strange man is hugging him. Which I mean, valid. I had my blanket ready to throw over my head again but managed not to. Either KJH is super kind, which he is, or he has insta feels for this adult SJW. Just the way he handles the situation. It's very different than how you would expect. SJW goes and gets a dorm next door to KJH, don't ask me how he is paying for it. I don't know how that magic works. Then awkwardness ensues because well yeah. KJH is like why is this weirdo always smiling at me but SJW is just so happy to see him again and have the chance to save him this time. It's also in this episode that SJW tells KJH's bestie that he has known KJH for 15 years.

In Episode 4 we see SJW struggling on how to save KJH from dying that night. There is also a sweet moment in which the two share breakfast together. SJW tells KJH that he comes from a place where KJH should be. KJH really should be wanting to stay away from this crazy man. Instead we see he is hesitant and unsure but seems unable to stay away. SJW goes out to try and find the location of where he was attacked that night and KJH has dinner with his bestie and parents. That's when the bestie brings up SJW saying he's known him for 15 years to which KJH gets in trouble from his mom for not remembering a childhood friend. KJH is perplexed as all get out. KJH becomes concerned for the wandering fool SJW and goes looking for him. He finds him huddled in front of a gate crying. While KJH tries to comfort SJW, SJW is in turn begging KJH not to die again. The way KJH hugs him back, yeah there are feelings there.

Episode five has KJH carrying SJW into the dormitory. He takes him to his room. When SJW wakes up he and KJH talk, it's at this time SJW apologizes for doing what he is about to do. He takes the opportunity to kiss KJH. You see KJH expressions show shock and then his eyes slowly drift closed. I'm telling you guys, this boy had feelings pretty early on when meeting adult SJW. We think fade to where KJH is coming out of his room and there is hilarious bickering between him and his bestie. Who came to tell him that the little boy is here to see him. There is cuteness between KJH and the young SJW. When adult SJW hears about this, he catches up with the younger version of himself and tells him to stay away from KJH. Tells him if he doesn't want to live in guild for the next 15 years to just say away. KJH overhears this and begins to process things that both have told him. He begins to connect the dots, when he goes to SJW he finds the proof he needs to know SJW has come from the future. He then breaks down because he now knows he is going to die. When I say this moment of revelation is so poignantly done. It's beautiful in it's bitter sweetness. KJH's break down is short lived though because he remembers SJW saying he knows what to do and that KJH won't die this time.

Episode 6 is KJH racing to catch up with SJW. Which he finds bleeding out. It's at this moment we have no doubts that KJH has feelings for SJW. After taking a trip to the hospital, they come back to the dormitory. In-between all this happening have more interaction with the bestie and young SJW. Once in KJH's room, SJW goes to sleep and we have this touching moment of KJH talking to him and thanking him for carrying him in his heart all this time. Which is where the episode ends.

To Be Continued: So tomorrow is when the next two episodes come out. I am excited and at the same time scared. Is this gonna be a Walk To Remember where I cry all day? Even if I do, I can't imagine I'll regret it because it's touched me that much. I don't know if anyone will even read this but I had to get it out. 💜💜💜

[manikas-whims]

Troublesome New Girl

Sequel to A Place Good Enough

[Read on AO3]

Characters: Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker

Summary: Inej has newly joined the Dregs. She goes to return Kaz's coat in the presence of many members. *cue the teasing & jokes*

Jesper meets Inej & evidences of Jesper's crush on Kaz (tiny bit of angst).

Kaz is his usual self & sets an example. A violent one :)

Note:

I just noticed this complete written fic has been sitting in my drafts for a month now. I'm so dumb 〒_〒

PLEASE DO READ THE PREVIOUS PART IN THIS SERIES TO UNDERTAND THIS SEQUEL.

Hope you guys enjoy!

Inej

The constant noise of banging against wood rouses Inej from her sleep. She looks around haphazardly only to find herself lying on a cot in an unknown room, her torso covered by a grey coat. Sun's rays blind her eyes momentarily as she turns her face, an open window staring back at her, not the daunting walls of the Menagerie. Memories of the previous night flood back and her shoulders deflate in relief. She takes a long breath to calm her rapidly beating heart. She doesn't need to endure Heleen's beatings or sell her body anymore. She is free of that life. Free.

“Oi new girl!” a voice calls, followed by more knocking at the wooden door to her small room. “Brekker told me to bring you some clothes. I’m leaving a pair out here.”

Right! Kaz Brekker had promised her better clothes. She leaves the comfort of the cot but by the time she unlocks the door to thank whoever was on the other end, the person is gone. She catches a short glimpse of a feminine figure with blond hair at the stairs and vows to thank her later. Picking up the clothes, she closes the door.

Jesper

When Jesper had heard his fellow Dregs gossiping about Dirtyhands bringing back a girl with him late at night, he hadn’t given it much thought. He had ignored Anika when she had said that she was literally asked by Kaz himself to provide the said girl with some clothes. In fact, he had completely shooed away anyone who came up to fill his ears with rumors about this unknown Suli girl and the bastard of the barrel. So when a small, bronze-skinned girl bumps into him on the third floor of the Slat, he's stunned.

"Ohhh—", The girl waves her hands frantically, her pupils dilating in concern, "I'm sorry."

But Jesper doesn't bother with apologies for he's too busy appraising her. Now she does match the rumored descriptions and is even donning Anika's lame clothes. But what actually piques his interest is a neatly-folded coat in the deepest shade of grey held between her dainty hands. He doesn’t need to think long to guess who it belongs to. There’s only one person who doesn’t indulge in the colorful fashion sense of the barrel— Kaz “Dirtyhands” Brekker.

He feels his insides fuming. But no way is he going to act like an idiot and jump to conclusions. Just because here's a girl he’s never seen before and she happens to have a coat, doesn’t mean that every single narrative he's heard about this whole situation is true.

He narrows his eyes in what he assumes is his best look of suspicion as he towers over the girl. “Where did you get that?”

"Um", she looks down at the piece of clothing and mumbles in the most innocent tone, "Mr. Brekker lent it to me."

Mr. Brekker!? The hell kinda way is this to address a man you slept with? Or whatever the heck it is that Dirtyhands prefers to do with girls..

"Why?" he asks. From Jesper's experiences, the young lieutenant of the Dregs isn't big on kindness. "Why did he lend it you?"

The girl's brows narrow in thought. It seems she herself is unsure of the reason. Her left palm clutches her right forearm in apprehension. "I guess..because I wasn't in a very decent attire."

Alarms go off in Jesper's head again. What exactly happened between her and Kaz? His heart needs answers yet he knows that its none of his business so he suppresses the unease welling in his belly.

"Well Kaz is up there." He gestures in the direction of the attic. "I'm headed there right now so I can give it to him."

The girl frowns. "I can't let a stranger do that for me. Besides," she twirls a strand of her hair, her eyes alight with some indescribable emotion, "I must properly thank him myself."

Jesper is familiar with this look. It mirrors his own when he was still a newbie at the Dregs and wanted to prove himself, wanted to repay Kaz for saving his ass. And not just by helping him pluck stupid pigeons but also by adding extra sums of profits to his ledger. Jesper can empathize with her on this.

"He saved you too," The Zemeni asks carefully, "didn't he?"

She stares at him, gauging the understanding in his expression and simply nods.

He rubs the side of his neck awkwardly. "Well, wanna go up together?"

Her eyes widen and she involuntarily takes a few steps back. Distrust. Fear. He can empathize with this action as well. In the barrel, it'd be foolish to believe a complete stranger within few moments of the first encounter.

"Then," he smiles the smile that many have called charming and starts his ascend upstairs. He only looks back once to wink at her, hoping it'll quell her anxious mind a bit, "follow my lead?"

"I can do that." she mumbles, more to assure herself and takes the first step of many that will become the foundation to their sibling-like friendship.

Kaz

When it comes to change, development and fresh ideas, Per Haskell always cowers and dismisses the topic. People like that will never achieve anything if they aren't willing to take risks. The restoration of that abandoned fifth harbour would already be in motion if Kaz hadn't chosen to waste another of his precious mornings trying to convince his boss that investing in it may prove fruitful to the Dregs. And so, after a pointless argument he had had earlier with the old man, he's decided to take matters into his own hands.

Huffing audibly, he continues explaining every member present in his room their respective job for the day. The boisterous throng huddled around him, begins dispersing all of a sudden. Curiously, Kaz looks up to find his faitful right-hand man Jesper Fahey walking in, a mischievous glint in his silver irises.

"We bumped into each other on our way up here." Jesper gestures behind him.

And it is then that Kaz notices her presence— Inej Ghafa, the strange Suli girl he had brought back from the West Stave. Oddly, he had felt her presence moments ago but had brushed it off as a mere byproduct of his rest-deprived mind playing tricks on him. Turns out his intuition hadn’t been wrong at all.

"Its that Suli girl."

"The one that Brekker took up to his bed?"

"Who would've thought Haskell's rabid dog had such exquisite tastes."

The one that Brekker took where? Haskell's rabid what? Kaz isn't sure which remark he finds more insulting towards his reputation. Although he does realise he has no one except himself to blame. He should'nt have let the girl follow him up to the attic last night. As usual, he'll have to cover this small err with fresh tales about himself that are even more gruesome than the previous ones. But for now he must find out why the new girl is here.

Anika’s clothes are baggy on her small frame— a deep green shirt so loosely-fitted that she has tied its ends into a double knot just above her belly-button whilst the fawn-colored trousers hang tastefully around her hips. He watches her long, silky hair sway behind her as she walks gracefully in his direction, determination glimmering in her dark brown irises. Shock briefly flits across his gaze but before he can even think of stopping her, she shoots out her hands in which he (dreadfully) recognizes, she’s holding his coat. He can feel all eyes in the room already settling on him. They collectively stare in a mix of shock, curiosity and..is this jealousy he's witnessing on a few faces?

"What do you think you're doing?" He grits out. He hears a muffled snickering which he's sure is Jesper's and wonders if the two somehow managed to become friends in the short span of their climb up the stairs. And that they both planned this prank together on their way.

However, Inej only furrows her brows, debunking his ridiculous theory. She seems to be wondering what she's done wrong as she answers confidently, "I forgot to return it last night."

More interested staring ensues. The new pen in his palm snaps.

Is this girl serious right now? It took him long, unrelenting years to rise to the position he's at. He's spilled his blood, sweat and tears to scatter the seeds of terror about him throughout the expanse of Ketterdam. Even people who come across him for the first time, visibly shiver and turn pale. So what part of their last conversation has given her this courage to approach him so casually? She seems to have forgotten the fact that he’s an infamous barrel thug, feared by merchers, stadwatch and gangsters alike. She isn’t supposed to saunter up to him and return his coat, making this whole exchange appear to be a scandalous affair to the curious bystanders. She isn't supposed to crumble Dirtyhands' hard-built reputation with just a few words!

"Stand aside, I'm busy." He mutters, because he truly has no idea how to get out of this predicament and hopes that his caustic tone will get the message across just like it does with everyone else.

To his utter dismay, Inej seems to be far more tactless than Jesper, who still hasn't stopped snickering. She tucks the coat back in her arms and bites her lip as if suppressing herself from saying something mean. Her eyes quietly regard his own, an unspoken understanding settling between them. She is aware that if she doesn't wish to be thrown back into the Menagerie, she must behave properly with him. And yet, her nostrils flare as she responds, "I just wanted to pay my gratitude-"

"You can pay your gratitude," Kaz hisses back, glaring up at her from his perched position, "with your services." And its only after uttering those words does he realise the ambiguous implications hinted in them. Jesper's shoulders are shaking uncontrollably now, his palms tightly clamped around his mouth to muffle his laugh.

"Slow down, Dirtyhands." comments someone from the back and the whole room bursts into a howl of laughter. Inej brings a palm to her lips, gasping in mortification.

Kaz massages his eyes. Dealing with these ruffians has already been a headache. Now this new girl just walks in and takes the cake. She's proving to be far more dangerous– scratch that– far more more troublesome than he had expected.

He lets them have their fun as he pulls out a knife from his coatsleeve and gets up. He ambles towards Dirix, his steps slow and deliberate. He's sure it was Rotty who'd made the joke but Dirix is standing closer and it doesn't really matter who said what. Dirtyhands just needs to set an example.

The young boy is suddenly looking very pale. Kaz grabs his right hand, the dominant one and digs the blade along the joints of his fingers. The knife easily tears through his skin and goes deeper into the muscle beneath. Dirix is now screaming whilst everyone else hold their breath. From his peripheral vision, he catches the horror on Inej's face and rolls his eyes. Surely she must've heard of his violent endeavors at the menagerie. She shouldn't have approached him in the first place if she's going to be so shocked everytime he spills someone's blood.

He roots out the knife before it can completely sever Dirix's limbs. "Get 'em patched up." The boy is already running out.

He walks back and tosses the knife to the desk, its loud clang making everyone flinch in fright. "Pipe down before I actually start chopping tongues."

The threat silences everyone.

"This is Inej Ghafa." He points at her and the girl cowers slightly. Not at all the abrupt attention on her, he notices, but from him. "She's to be a new spider."

This one simple statement seems to piece together everything for them. Though he has an inkling that his previous act of brutality also plays a major part. They nod and whisper amongst themselves. He almost scoffs. Of course its easier for them to believe that Kaz Brekker took up a girl to his room for information. Not some spicy dalliance.

"Now get to work." He orders and one by one they shuffle out of the room, Rotty nodding respectfully. He knows he was spared merely by luck.

Jesper is the last one. He winks at Inej before taking his leave. "See you around, new girl!"

And with all of them gone, Kaz turns to Inej. She inhales a breath in anticipation.

"Let's start your training."

So hopefully that was as fun reading as it was for me writing :3

Coming parts will have Inej's training and ofc her picking her canon outfit.

.

SoC Masterlist

( divider by @firefly-graphics )

[atsunflower]

Hospital for souls — Silent rebellion

Rated: SFW

Author notes: Man, this chapter was a pain. There isn't much to say about this one. Thanks for everyone who left a comment in the last chapter, y'all are absolutely endearing.

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, cursing and very pissed off people.

III — Silent Rebellion

Previous || Next

Screams and pleas filled his sleep. His mind was frantic, but his body felt like it was cemented on the surface he laid.

Memories were vivid in the back of his mind, though he couldn't see anything with closed eyelids.

He remembers the glint of metal and he remembers the metal in the blood stench.

Am I dead? — and his body jolted awake.

The discomfort Sakusa felt wasn't caused by the way he slept in the couch and he wasn't disgusted by the sweat layering his skin.

He felt disgusted by the memory of crimson painting his hands.

Recalling the vivid image, his legs led him to the kitchen in auto pilot mode. Reaching for the sink, hands grabbed the soap, rubbing it as if his life depended on it. His eyes wandered around the place, taking in the cleaniness of it.

She had a good taste, he would give her that.

"Shit, Komori" In long strides he went for the bedroom the Kobun was. Resting his body against the doorframe, he took on the scene before him.

In the bed, the brown-haired male slept in a peaceful state, as if his life wasn't on the line a couple of hours ago.

Through the chapped lips, air exhaled in a steady pace; the sight itself allowing Sakusa to breath properly for the first time within the last hours.

"Sakusa-san?" Your whisper ringed on his ears. You came from your personal bathroom, holding a bunch of clothes and bandages.

Staring at your figure, he saw how tired you looked. He couldn't ignore the bruises and scrapes littering your hands and face either."Komori-san had a tranquil night. But I still think he should go to a hospital, just in case" He noded, stare hardening while you spoke.

"How are you?" The tall male asked in a mere courtesy, you were still unsure wether he cared or not about your well-being.

"Fine" You spat drily before making your way to the sleeping man. "Gotta wake him up to see how the wound is" the whisper left your lips in a rushed manner.

Sakusa observed as you crouched down to the bed's level, setting the materials you brought on the nightstanding. Placing a hand on Komori's right shoulder, you shook him gently, only to startle him awake.

"[Name]?" The man frowned, holding the hand you had on his shoulder on an vice grip. "What the hell? Where the fuck is Kiyoomi?" Hatred dripping out of his grey irises, you shivered under the weight of his stare.

"I'm right here, Komori" Your husband said pulling off of the doorframe. A sigh of relief left the kobun's lips while both males exchanged knowing looks.

You cleared your throat, shaking the wrist Komori was still grasping.

"Can I see your wound so you guys can discuss whatever?" You didn't mean to snap, but hell, were you tired. At least, the brown haired man had the decency to look sheepish at his outburst. "Other than pain, are you feeling anything?"

"It just hurts like hell" Komori replied eyeing you. He took in your appearence, noticing how bruises litered your face, how a greyish tone colored your eyelids and how chapped your lips were. There was a weight in your features that made you look even more tired than you were supposed to be.

"Do you think you can bend the ring and pinky fingers?" He hissed but did as was told. You undid the bandages, seeing the stitches were perfect. You hummed in satisfaction, changing the dressings and readjusting the splint. "You need to see a doctor, I can't say if there is a nervous damages in your arm." He nodded, eyes locking to your handiwork while you checked his vitals.

"What happened to my arm?" His voice was rushed, reacalling the memory of being stabbed.

"[Name] said the knife hit an artery. You didn't want to go to a hospital so she saved your ass." You didn't bother to listen their dialogue, leaving the room as fast as possible.

Coming from them, the word 'save' held no meaning to you.

"We gotta contact Fukuroudani and check if they found something." Sakusa said pinching the bridge of his nose "What the fuck is Johzenji supposed to mean?"

"I don't have idea. Do you think Inarizaki is involved?" Komori asked, doubting the Miya were related to the recent events.

Something about the fight was off and the Itachiyama oyabun couldn't pinpoint what it was.

"I guess they're not. But we can't let our guard down either" The ravenette huffed trying to ignore the weight on his chest.

"Well, guess she has a list of reasons to want us dead. And still, [Name] helped us last night" He shrugged, sitting on the bed. He looked around the place, not reconigzing it. "Where we are?"

He knew you weren't related to the incident, but a part of him refused to trust you.

Inarizaki isn't one to be trusted, after all.

"It's [Name]'s place"

"Suits her" The Kobun hummed "Well, guess we have to make some calls"

"Komori" Sakusa voiced, using a stern tone "We need to talk."

"Not a fucking chance" Was all the brunette said, ignoring his Oyabun as he reached for his phone, dialling Konoha's number.

Your body jolted up when you felt people in your surroundings.

"Oh, [Name]-san. You're awake" You heard Komori saying while you observed they making themselves comfortable in the armchairs of your livingroom. You grimaced at his nice attitude.

"You aren't supposed to be out of the bed." You frowned watching three paper bags seating in you coffee table, the rich scent of cinnamon and coffee filling your nostrils.

"Don't worry. It takes much more to knock me out, I'm fine" The hazel haired man said as he handed you one of the bags with his damaged arm as if to prove his point. He was supposed to be in big pain and yet, his face showed no sign of discomfort.

He should be used to it, you supposed.

You opened the bag, eyeing its contents. You realized it was from the café across the street; the wave of nostalgia hitting you again as you took both paper cup and caramel muffin in your hands.

You took a bite of the baked good, feeling the taste of cake and caramel melting in your tongue. You smiled at it, recalling the rushed mornings when you would go to the eatery, in your way to work.

"Is the muffin that good?" Komori asked as a glint of amusement crossed his eyes.

"I just missed this place really bad." A pleased face took over your features, almost making you forget the current situation you were in.

Again, why you had to go through this?

"[Name]" The ravenette's voice blared in your ears "Hurry. We have important business today" All of sudden, the food tasted stale in your mouth.

Both men were waiting for you on the entrance hall, observing how you quickly you tidied the place.

"Shouldn't we clean before we leave?" Komori asked Sakusa.

You rolled your eyes and stood to grab your belongings. From the kitchen drawers, you took a plastic bag to dispose the thrash.

"The lady upstairs takes care of the place for me" Oh, you heard it. "It's not like anyone is coming back here anytime soon, too." You three took the elevator, going to the sidewalk where the car was parked.

"What's up for today, then?" The Kobun asked as you three entered the vehicle while Sakusa occupied the driver's seat.

"We have a meeting with Fukuroudani and Inarizaki" Your husband said eyeing you through the rearview. You ignored them as they chatted. "Looks like they have info regarding Johzenji"

"Are we going there?"

"No, they're already on Itachiyama, waiting for us" The ravenette answered as he drove smoothly through Tokyo streets.

You were doing your best to forget the memories of the night prior, but you realized you have never experienced such stress. Your lungs gave in a shaky breath as your mind felt like on the verge of breaking down.

"So it's really like they aren't involved... you know" The silence was thick as you recalled their accusations.

A couple of minutes later, you realized the ride didn't last much as you spotted Itachiyama lands, the mansion being seen by distance with the pristine white of its walls. Across the gates, the clean pavement and stunning garden welcomed you while you spotted the expensive cars parked by the house entrance.

"Meeting room, now. You included, [Name]" And here he was, his timbre giving the fact that Itachiyama's Oyabun wasn't someone to be defied.

The air inside the house was crispy cold. Your body hurted everywhere and the unsettling feeling in your stomach wasn't going away anytime soon. You didn't want to have anything to do with this reunion, and you were restless about the idea of facing both Osamu and Atsumu after this whole month.

You despised them for making you go through this.

You were never been into the meeting room before. And the image before your eyes wasn't like anything you have imagined.

It wasn't like the regular conference rooms, with a large table with a good amount of seats and all. No, the place screamed traditional: pristine dark floorboards, paper pannels covering the walls and a large chabudai table on the floor, with ten pillowy seats partially occupied by the guests.

The room smelled like burning incense and sake, the scent making you calm in a weird way.

Sakusa indicated your seat as you three made your way to the table. The five men slighty bowed their heads, greeting you.

Your husband grabbed a jar of sake out of nowhere, serving the porcelain hakushika before you first and the proceeding to fill his, Komori's and the other guests cups after.

"Kanpai" they said before downing the alchool down. You mimicked their actions, feeling the liquid burning your throat. You winced at the sensation as Suna sent you an amused look — it took all of your might to not show him your middle finger.

"Heard y'all had a shitty night, huh" Atsumu said on his provocative manner as Osamu eyed him warily. Your husband sitting by your right seemed unfazed by it while Konoha clicked his tongue.

What a way to make disaffections, you thought.

"If you don't have anything useful to say, Miya, shut it." Komori warned the blond man without traces of simpathy " Shall we start?"

At this, the four other men eyed you with caution. Weren't you supposed to be here?

"[Name] was there and she could reconize the woman. It's her business too, since she was attacked first" Was Sakusa's response to their implied question.

"Were they aiming for her?" The ravenette you never saw before asked.

"I don't think they were necessarily targetting [Name], Akashi." You frowned at Komori's reply. Something didn't click, you thought as you opened your mouth:

"Did they attack Inarizaki?" A proud feeling took over your chest as you realized your voice sounded steady.

Suna frowned and looked at Osamu. The latter nodded at the brunette.

"Not directly. They tried to interfere on some of our business and kinda stalked one of Tsumu's... acquaintances. Yeah, that's all" it was Suna's answered not getting your point.

"How many people know the circumstances of our marriage?" You asked directly at Sakusa, seing him frown.

"Just the involved parts. What are you implying?"

"I... I think they are trying to use me to create a strain between Itachiyama and Inarizaki" Your voice wavered at it. Atsumu obnoxiously laughed at what you said as if it was some kind of joke.

"How cute, [Name]" the blond twin giggled as the atmosphere got heavier and heavier "Tho our relationship 's already strained. Ya ain't that special" He wipped an invisible tear to add to his annoying act.

"Actually..." The man Akaashi butted in, his face contorting in a pensive manner "I think she is right."

"Yeah, it's not like they know how the alliance between your houses was estabelished. Think, they tried to incriminate her and last night she was the first one to be attacked" Konoha added to the discussion. You looked at him with surprise "Don't be so surprised, we should know the reason why you went there last night."

"Okay. So the fact is they're after [Name]-san, trying to destabilize both Itachiyama and Inarizaki. Why?" Akaashi inquired, rolling the white hakushika between his slender fingers. The cup glinted in the dim light, reflecting in the gunmetal gray of his irises.

"Well, lucky us, we went ta Niiyama today." Atsumu chimmed in and you didn't have idea of what he was talking about.

"Nee-san doesn't know very much tho" Osamu added to his twin's speech "Looks like these Johzenji guys are a bloomin' gang"

"If they're a gang, what are they up to, then? It's kind dumb to mess with the families when you're this insignificant" Konoha asked seeming trully dumbfolded.

"They're trying, at least, show some bravery" Suna retorted, fidgeting with his cellphone. Straightening his back, a glint of unnecessary pride crossed his eyes as his lips twisted in a provocative curve "Inarizaki and Itachiyama are the most important households. If Johzenji manage to cause ruckus, it can gain some sense of respect between another gangs"

"Still, it doesn't make much sense" Akaashi said as he fished an manila folder on his suit. Suna shrugged at it, coming back to his usual aloof demeanor. "Well, looks like it's you problem. Fukuroudani will cooperate if needed, but it's not like we can be of much help right now" The male handed the envelope to Komori, before standing on his feet. "This is all the information we gathered from the guy we captured yesterday. It's not much, so we will send him to you by nighttime." He completed his statement with a solemn glare, out of respect.

"We have to go now. Thank you so much for having us here, Sakusa-san" Konoha said as he and Akaashi bowed their heads at Sakusa "Let us know if you need anything" The ash-blond haired man bid his farewells as Komori walked them to the doors. The air got thicker with the five of you stared at each other; Suna mouthed something at you, but you couldn't catch what. Atsumu looked at you two with a mischievous smile but opted to keep quiet instead.

The Itachiyama Kobun returned, sitting back on his previous position.

"You okay, Komori-san?" Osamu asked as a mere courtesy, trying to break the still atmosphere.

"Oh, it's nothing. Just a cut that [Name]-san managed to patch up" The hazel haired Kobun replied in a polite tone while the infamous Inarizaki duo arched their brows to the honorific he used to reffer at you.

"Glad ta know she is not useless ta y'all" Atsumu provoked as he got up from his seat. He held back the urge to strech as his fellow companions did the same "It's time we go, too. Since they afta' Ina too, let us know if they try somethin'." Looked like the blond really meant it.

"We will see you off, then" Sakusa spoke for the first time in a while as you all stood from the low sitting position.

You husband and his Kobun went first, opening the doors and guiding you trought the corridors. Suna walked by your side, when he ruffled your hair for no special reason.

"Make sure to rest, you look like shit" He snickered but you were too tired to argue "I have something for you. Here, take it." the tall male handed you a beige envelope with a cute sticker of a Kitsune sealing it.

You took it with grattitude while he smiled softly at you. You mouthed a quiet 'thank you' at him as the brunette ruffled your hair again.

"Well, thanks I guess" Atsumu bid a half-assed farewell as he got out of the mansion. Suna and the other Miya twin followed him suit, not without bowing their hads at Sakusa showing some courtesy. You swore the gray irises of Osamu lingered a little longer in your figure; you choose to ignore the churning sensation in your stomach as you tried to decipher his intense stare.

"What is it?" Your husband inquired, glaring at the envelope in your hands with suspicion; you opened it and froze when you looked at its contents. With the lack of response he snatched it from you in a rough manner, crumpling the paper.

"Hey, you don't need to be rude!"

"You don't get to tell me what to do" He bluntly said as he inspectioned the envelope "It's not like I have any reason to trust you, Miya runt."

Within you, something snapped. You were sure you'd regret it later, but for now, you would blame the stress you were upon.

"Very much to respect your women" Your voice dripped venom as you recalled what he told you in the first day you met "You know, it's not like I wanted to be here, anyways"

"[Name]" Komori warned but you choose to ignore him.

"I hate this fucking yakuza thing. I despise you as much as I despise the Miya" You told as you looked at him dead in the eyes.

"Oh, fancy words coming from a Miya yourself." The ravenette said, keeping his cool.

"I'm not a fucking Miya!" You sneered, althought you wanted to scream "I'm not at fault that good for nothing of their father got my mother pregnant. Bad news to you: you fucking married a bastard"

"I can tell I did" His brow arched. His silence was unsettling but you didn't want to back out at this point.

"Well, I did too. Tough I regret the day I was forced to get involved with a criminal bastard like you." It was too fast. In a second, his tall frame was towering over yours.

You froze under his hard stare, sure he could end your existence anytime he wanted.

"Get the fuck out of my sight" The deep baritone of his timber killed any courage you garthered.

Yakuza would take away any dignity you had.

❥ taglist is closed: @ukaiwachin @keekee-732 @chiibichann @shinguchi @captain-shittykawa , @fortheloveofbakugo @daisyjaebae @jihoonspout @floodinginstars @fl4mepillar @trash4sportsanime @translucentthoughts @teaanbanter-blog @hqxreader @ly-nia @shadyjinyoung @julimausi1311 @keuromi @onigiriimiya @ayaeushi @wolfiepirate @sekshi-namjas @tomo-uwu @letmegetthisclear @katokanae @worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry @cherryonigiri @ushijima-meixiu @bimboiiying @crownedcupcake17 @thenerdyrebel @idiot-juice-enthusiast @caprolls @keijination @toaster-stick @ynjimenez @wolfytrixa @wakaitoshi @clowninfortodoroki @shiningotak-ku @kemochie @lilacshouko @imomomi @ohmythatmiya @freewitchjellyfish

I had to remove some names since tumblr wasn't letting me tag them. If by any chance you want me to try and tag you again, leave an ask.

[haveyouseenmyhonor]

I'm back at it again with my hyperfixations -- boom enjoy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35857315

----

"Do you ever see someone and think, "Wow, the Maker must hate me?"

Zevran glanced up from the Antivan peach he was cutting for the two of them to share there in the small market place they were in. "Never, my dear friend. What do you mean?"

She watched as Alistair and Leliana walked the stalls, looking on at how easily the Bard moved with a.. womanly grace Vollys did not think herself capable of. Alistair was, as usual, not focused as she bartered with the stall keep, managing to snag another 3 peaches without eirher men ever noticing. Alistair was none the wiser, examining a dagger on the wall behind the unknowing victim.

"Cause.. of being this." Vollys sighed before yanking her boney knees to her chest. "What are we doing here if they were made in 'his image'?"

Zevran sat the peach and his knife down on the log he was sat a top of, the Grey Warden sitting on the ground in front of it. He was no stranger to the.. hate their people experienced. Even with the nicer whore houses, they were never treated like the human companions. Sub-human, knife ear, the list went on. His tanned hand inched forward and reassuringly squeezed at his friend's armored shoulder.

She too had only a few years where she hadn't been aware of it, the unkind looks and the dangers that came with just existing. Maybe 4? That was when she thought the illusion was broken for her. Shianni and herself always got into trouble, wanting to have stories just like her mother. Father told them both countless adventures the white haired woman had gone on and they inspired the 2 younglings very early on to explore. It had been one of the last seemingly innocent outings they had as kids before showing them the cruelty of the world. Then, it was always different. She was no stranger to shem, their wandering hands, and having to do anything she could to keep their bellies even remotely full.

But that was also when the young elf thought she would never see the outside of Denerim. She had woken up just months ago thinking she was to be married and would just have to grow to like it,  to hide herself and learn what it meant to be a wife. She had no idea the bloodshed that would follow that night and following weeks, the connections she would make after or the power and courage she would have to fake to make this fool's errand a success. Hell, she was still stunned they didn't die on top of that bloody tower at Ostagaar.

But what stunned Vollys more was how quickly she was falling for the other Grey Warden.

That was what was drawing up these awful memories for her, these awful contemplations that cycled over and over again through her mind while they trucked through forests, broken villages, and barely kept roads. It had hit her all at once and now it refused to ever escape her mind.

She hated it.

Her hands fumbled at the sudden touch to her body. She had the pendant from her Joining in her right hand, the ring she barely had the chance to rescue off her fiance's corpse strung along on it. It was a reminder. He hadn't known her more than an hour before deciding he was ready to lay his life on the line to try and save the lot of the elven women taken that evening. He was brave.

If he could do that-- face obvious and awful odds for someone he barely knew, than she would try to do the same against the Darkspawn.

That reminder and promise was easy, it seemed. When the fighting would start, Vollys could feel her mind go.. numb. Sure, probably unhealthy and something to look into later but.. it helped. It was easy, like she said, to fall numb and simply remember "Must Survive". But when the fighting stops, how did you keep existing and moving?

She had planned to stay like that-- numb and moving just barely between the fighting. But there he was, that bloody Alistair T-----.  A literal ray of sunshine amidst the awful bleakness of the world around them. They had survived together countless times now and slowly bonded as they realized what was at stake and what their new goal had to be. Save the world.

Easier said than done, obviously.

With Alistair, she felt she could take on the world. But how could any shem want someone like her anymore than for a lay or fun for a night?

Had the Maker made a mistake? Was he ever there watching them to begin with? She'd seen so much hurt, so much pain in her own life and now so much more countless death and destruction. And on top of that she was falling in love?

What kind of sick joke was this?

Her left hand slowly went up and rest over the Crow's fingers. Vollys worked to blink back the tears fighting to form in her eyes.

"It feels easier to blame.. The metaphysical. The magic. All of it." Zevran murmured out to her in vague understanding. He had not been with this motley crew very long yet. The two had quickly become fast friends like she and Alistair, over jokes and harmless flirtations. He had become something like that of her cousin Soris, a confidont and a fan of her little pranks and bits. But Zevran was no fool. He could see how their leader played. She was fearless, in a way, as they said. She did not fear dying (if you asked her, she would just say that there was no choice but to survive) and gave herself completely into the tasks and missions they often found themselves doing all over Ferelden. Finding a missing child, collecting needed supplies, saving a town from undead ghouls.

She had a mask on through it all, silently slipping them on and off as they were needed. The savior, the motherly figure, the big sister, the fearless fighter, the vixen, the Virgin. He very quickly noticed that once the light began to fade and camp was being set up was when those masks were finally set aside. Mostly. She was very good at hiding it all until she thought herself alone. Walls built up over time to keep safe. He knew that all too well after his long years alone. But he also knew that sometimes those walls could erode.

"Sometimes," she murmured, "it's easier to think he made a mistake with me." The smile on her face was a shell, no happiness behind it or her damp eyes. "Or maybe I did something wrong. Who knows? Maybe I was an archdemon in a past life."

Zevran hated knowing he cared for this woman like this. She was a sister he never knew and never thought to want. He had given up on family what felt like a lifetime ago. The flush to her cheeks and the single tear running down her cheek made his own heart want to break.

This girl, barely a woman at all, was shouldering the end of the world and then some. All while dealing with people who said she wasn't elf enough and others who felt she was too elf to be worth anything at all, not womanly enough to be sexy and just woman enough to not deserve respect. Even in her armor and ever growing muscle and strength, all they was an elf playing dress up.

She was, and it seemed she always had been, stuck between a golem army and a Mountain range.

"My sweet, you never d--," Zevran began but was cut off as she loudly sniffled. She rushed her hands up to rub at her eyes and cheeks while scrambling to her feet. Tears wiped away and eyes red from her rubbing, Vollys rather cutely slapped her hands to her cheeks and shook her head.

"D-Dont, please," she murmured. "I-- I can't hear I didn't deserve it. None of us did. None of us do. But.." She muttered out as that blank look came back to her eyes while they stared a hole into the dirt. "Everyone keeps dying. Everyone keeps getting hurt and lied to and I have to keep moving. Someone has to fix this."

That was the last word on the matter. She gave him a half smile, the look still not reaching her eyes. False bravado, the same look he'd seen her give to children and grown men alike who needed someone to believe in.

"Someone put the moon and the stars in place,  and it might as well be me to rearrange them."

[tigerkirby215]

5e Zac, the Secret Weapon build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Christian Fell. Made for Riot Games.)

No one:

Literally no one:

@tigerkirby215​: “HEY FUCKERS WHO WANTS A ZAC BUILD?!”

Full disclosure: I watched Dorans and Dragon’s video for Zac and while it’s really well done (like really well done. I honestly suggest you watch it) I felt like it took a bit of an interesting direction. Ds&D and I have always had different ideas for our builds and I think with the release of Tasha’s there’s actually a lot of interesting new directions to take Zac in.

Also spoiler alert but this build is the most jank-ass fucking shit I have ever made but it strangely works really well? Like I literally sat on this build for two months debating if I should even post it. Also Zac’s a grappler, because of course he is.

GOALS

There's plenty of me to go around - Zac stretches and bounces and changes his shape more-or-less at will.

Why thanks; I do work out - Zac is one of those “hold you down for 10 seconds total in a teamfight” types of junglers.

I'm not as squishy as I look - Of course to be a big bundle of green goo we’ll need to be big. Like, really big.

RACE

END ME I’M MAKING A BUGBEAR! :D

Okay to be fair Bugbear hate is kinda overblown, especially by yours truly. You get +2 to Strength and a +1 to Dexterity as well as Darkvision and several other useful traits: you have a Powerful Build to carry more stuff, for one. You are also Sneaky and get proficiency with Stealth, which is nice because if you launch a Surprise Attack you can do an extra 2d6 damage.

But of course the main trait of a Bugbear is their Long-Limbed bodies. All your melee attacks have a 5 foot longer range, which is obviously important to make Stretching Strikes!

Custom Lineage: If you’re insistent on making a custom “goo creature” race with Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything rules here are my suggestions: make yourself Medium (yeah duh) and give yourself proficiency with the Athletics skill. Increase your Strength by 2 and take the Skilled Expert feat for Expertise in Athletics along with a +1 in Wisdom. You will have an uneven DEX score but I dunno just go for Athlete or something later in this build.

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - Braum isn’t the only champion who believes the heart is the strongest muscle, as if you’d read Zac’s lore he is actually quite a compassionate soul. Also we need Wisdom for our main ability.

14; CONSTITUTION - Zac is a tanky boy, so up the tankiness!

13; DEXTERITY - When you can stretch and squeeze like silly putty dexterity comes naturally. We need that dexterity to jump over walls, among other things.

12; STRENGTH - A lot of it is elastic strength, but if you’re going to throw Cho’gath into Shyvana you do also need upper body strength.

10; CHARISMA - He’s a nice guy when you get to know him, but Zac’s also a bunch of Zaun sewer goo.

8; INTELLIGENCE - Living in the sewers and then later being raised as a weapon means you don’t know any math, science, or history.

BACKGROUND

Zac did grow up in the streets, but the skills from the Urchin background don’t fit him well so we’ll be modifying it heavily. Take proficiency in Acrobatics to squash and stretch as well as Perception to keep those wards up. You can pick your choice of languages or tools because Zac kinda... doesn’t do much other than fight? I mean he’s literally called “the Secret Weapon” what do you want from me?

But your background feature of City Secrets is very useful for traveling the streets of Zaun, letting you find your way around alleys and jungle gank paths to travel through the city twice as fast as the average person! "Put some spring in your step."

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - MONK 1

Been awhile since we’ve visited the good ol’ Monk class eh? Well you can grab Athletics finally, as well as Insight to know if someone’s worth clobbering. You also get proficiency with an artisan’s tool or musical instrument, and I mean... Zac still doesn’t have much lore.

But how about some class features? Monks get Unarmored Defense equal to their Wisdom plus their Dexterity, for 14 AC total. Would medium armor be better? Yes, but you can’t wear armor if you want to use Martial Arts! Martial Arts gives you a variety of benefits: you can punch with DEX or STR, your punches are now a d4 (and will scale as you get levels), and if you punch with your Action you can punch with a Bonus Action after the fact!

LEVEL 2 - MONK 2

Second level Monks get Ki points to use for a variety of features: Flurry of Blows lets you attack twice with your Bonus Action instead of once, Patient Defense lets you dodge as a Bonus Action, and Step of the Wind lets you Dash or Disengage as a Bonus Action. An important thing to mention about Step of the Wind is that it doubles your jump distance, for those big Elastic Slingshot jumps!

You can also put on some boots and get some Unarmored Movement. 10 more feet to be exact!

I guess I’m also obliged to mention Dedicated Weapon from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything which lets you turn any weapon you’re proficient in into a Monk weapon as long as it’s not Heavy or Special. This will be important later but it’s not exactly in-character for Zac.

LEVEL 3 - MONK 3

Third level Monks get to choose their Monastic Tradition and Way of the Astral Self will give you some long stretchy limbs! As a bonus action you can spend 1 Ki to summon Arms of the Astral Self. When you do so, each creature of your choice that you can see within 10 feet of you must succeed on a Dexterity saving throw or take force damage equal to two rolls of your Martial Arts die due to your Unstable Matter.

Your arms will stay up for 10 minutes and give the following benefits:

You can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength modifier when making Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You can use the spectral arms to make unarmed strikes, which has the following benefits:

The reach of the arms is 5 feet greater than normal, which stacks with your Bugbear arms. 15 foot reach with extra stretchy arms!

The unarmed strikes you make with the arms can use your Wisdom modifier in place of your Strength or Dexterity modifier for the attack and damage rolls, and their damage type is force.

You can also absorb some blows with Deflect Missiles. When you are hit by a ranged weapon attack you can use your reaction to reduce the damage by 1d10 + your DEX mod + your monk level. If you reduce the damage to 0, you can catch the missile. You can then spend 1 ki point to throw it back as part of the same reaction. You make this attack with proficiency, regardless of your weapon proficiencies, and the missile counts as a monk weapon for the attack, which has a normal range of 20 feet and a long range of 60 feet.

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everyone also gave Monks the Ki-Fueled Attack ability which pretty much doesn’t impact you in the slightest.

LEVEL 4 - MONK 4

4th level Monks get an Ability Score Improvement but we’re instead going to grab the Skilled Expert feat. You can increase your Wisdom by 1 and grab proficiency in Survival for optimal jungle clear. But what we’re mainly here for is to make our hands extra sticky with expertise in Athletics! Is the build starting to make sense now?

You can also land safely after an Elastic Slingshot jump thanks to Slow Fall, reducing fall damage by 5 times your Monk level. If you want to keep yourself in the fight then Quickened Healing (also from TCoE, because that book really likes giving new Monk features) will let you take advantage of Cell Division for 2 Ki points, healing you for a number rolled on your Martial Arts die plus your Proficiency bonus. It’s not much but in a pinch it might save you!

LEVEL 5 - MONK 5

5th level Monks get an Extra Attack, so you can punch twice with your action, and then punch some more with your Bonus Action! You can also bring some heavy CC into the party with Stunning Strike; if you hit an enemy in melee you can force a Constitution save or stun them! Yes actual honest-to-god League of Legends stun!

Oh and because Tasha’s Cauldron really wanted to buff the Monk you get Focused Aim, letting you use up to 3 Ki points to increase your roll to hit, at a 2:1 ratio. (1 Ki point = +2 to hit)

(Artwork by SemLimit on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 1

Jumping over to Barbarian, land of the true tanks. Barbarians get Unarmored Defense based on Constitution that we won’t be using but I’m obliged to mention anyways. Of course what we’re here for is Rage which will augment you in a number of ways: you’ll resist Bludgeoning, Piercing, and Slashing damage and will do more damage with Strength-based attacks (which you probably won’t be making.) But the most important feature is this line right here:

You have advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws.

You know what’s a Strength check? Athletics! So even if you use Wisdom for it you’ll still have Advantage on top of Expertise! And Athletics is used for grappling! At least that’s how I’d rule it, but talk to your DM just to make sure they’ll let this dopey shit into their game.

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians can let themselves go with Reckless Attack. Your Unstable Matter will give you advantage on your attack at the cost of giving enemies advantage to hit you.

You also get Danger Sense for advantage on Dexterity saves against effects you can see coming. Is a Jinx rocket heading your way? Slingshot out of there!

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 3

Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything gave Barbarians Primal Knowledge for a free skill proficiency from the Barbarian list, so take Intimidation I guess because you are a huge freaky slime guy.

Third level Barbarians get to choose their Primal Path and guess what? It’s Totem Warrior time! As a Spirit Seeker you can cast Speak With Animals and Beast Sense as a Ritual but we all know that’s not what we’re here for. What we’re really here for is the Totem Spirit of the Bear. You can now resist all damage while Raging, with the exception of Psychic damage. Hey there has to be %health damage to deal with tanks after all. (Now if only they’d nerf Grievous Wounds.)

LEVEL 9 - MONK 6

This will be our last Monk level; sad I know. But it’s worth it for the Visage of the Astral Self. You can use a Bonus Action and a Ki point to summon the visage. (And can do it while summoning your arms.) While the spectral visage is present, you gain several benefits:

Astral Sight lets you see through magical (and nonmagical) darkness up to 120 feet.

Wisdom of the Spirit gives you advantage on Wisdom (Insight) and Charisma (Intimidation) checks.

And Word of the Spirit lets you either whisper in team chat to a creature of your choice that you can see within 60 feet of you, or shout in all chat so that everyone within 600 feet can hear you.

Your regular fists are also considered magical thanks to Ki-Empowered Strikes, and you get 5 more feet of Unarmored Movement! "Woohoo!"

(Artwork by Dragonflamebg on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 10 - FIGHTER 1

Teamfight time? Team Fighter time! First level Fighters get a Fighting Style and since you’re punching people your only real option is Superior Technique, giving you a d6 Combat Superiority die to use on a Battle Master Manuever. That Manuever shall be Grappling Strike, letting you grapple as a Bonus Action after punching someone for some Stretching Strikes!

You can also heal with Cell Division assuming the enemy team doesn’t stack Grievous Wounds thanks to Second Wind; it’s a d10 plus your Fighter level. "Keep it together."

LEVEL 11 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters get Action Surge for even more punching! This will be more important in like, two levels.

LEVEL 12 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and for some crowd control in a teamfight Battle Master is a great choice. You are a Student of War which means more tool proficiencies which make no sense because Zac has no lore woo! But of course what we’re mainly here for is Combat Superiority: you have four d8 Superiority Die (plus a d6 one from your Fighting Style) which you can use on a variety of Maneuvers:

Trip Attack is good if you want to bounce, forcing the target you hit to make a Strength save or fall over!

Distracting Strike is like stunning the target in the sense that it gives your allies an opening, but unlike Trip Attack you don’t have to force a saving throw. (Instead Distracting Strike just works after you hit them!)

And if you think your arms aren’t stretchy enough already? Boom; Lunging Attack for 20 foot reach!

LEVEL 13 - FIGHTER 4

4th level Fighters get an Ability Score Improvement: hey it’s everyone’s favorite feat Grappler! You have advantage on attacks against enemies you grappled, and if you’re grappling someone you can then pin them to hold them in place!

Now pinning someone you’ve grappled does take an action but here’s where Action Surge comes in: turn 1? Grab them. Turn 2? Pin them! Easy!

LEVEL 14 - FIGHTER 5

5th level Fighters get an Extra Attack... which you already have. "I hate it when this happens."

LEVEL 15 - FIGHTER 6

Hey more Ability Score Improvements! Want all the fun of a high Constitution score without the Constitution? Look no further than the Tough feat: it gives you +2 HP per level for some big gains!

(Artwork by GisAlmeida on DeviantArt.)

LEVEL 16 - FIGHTER 7

7th level Fighters get to Know Your Enemy: by spending a minute studying someone (IE looking at the scoreboard) you can learn if an enemy is superior, inferior, or equal to you in a number of areas described by the ability.

You also get one more Combat Superiority die and learn two more Maneuvers: Goading Attack will make it harder for enemies to hit your friends (and it works against Tier 4 enemies who likely resist fears), and Disarming Attack will let you stick your hand to your opponent’s weapon to make them drop it!

LEVEL 17 - FIGHTER 8

8th level means more ASIs and I’m starting to think ignoring all your stats was a bad idea. More Wisdom means better punches, better grabs, and better AC.

LEVEL 18 - FIGHTER 9

9th level Fighters get Indomitable, letting them reroll a failed saving throw once per Long Rest. Regardless of what you roll on the new die however you have to use the new result. This can be used on Death saves to try to keep alive a little longer thanks to Cell Division.

LEVEL 19 - FIGHTER 10

10th level Battle Masters get Improved Combat Superiority. Your superiority die are d10s now; even the one from your Fighting Style! You do also learn more Maneuvers but honestly? We got just about everything that we need already. If you’ve hit level 19 playing Zac League of Legends then you deserve to make some choices of your own.

LEVEL 20 - FIGHTER 11

Our final level is the 11th level of Fighter for an Extra Attack that does stack! That means you have 3 attacks total and one extra from Martial Arts!

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Beat up, or beat down? I'm flexible - No matter how you look at it 4 attacks per round is great, especially since you can give yourself Advantage and boost your damage output with Battle Master Maneuvers.

Pick on someone your own size - If everything goes well you should have a solid 200 health by level 20! Definitely nothing to sneeze at, especially with Rage giving you resistance to almost everything and Second Wind letting you heal yourself!

This is gonna get messy - You’ve got a +16 to Athletics checks for Grappling when using your Astral Arms, and can give yourself Advantage or add Superiority die to your Grapple checks. Do I need to explain that that’s really good?

CONS

Don't push your luck, champ - None of your stats are maxed out, and that’s bad. Your hit modifier isn’t great, your Battle Master saving throw is low, but most importantly your AC is really bad. Big health is nice but not being hit is also very helpful. Just saying if you have the chance to go for Point Buy I’d take it.

I never skip breakfast - A small pool of Ki combined with limited Maneuver die means that you’re running on some very potent fumes. Frequent short rests will be needed to make the most out of this build.

These jerks don't know when to quit! - Grappling builds have the ever-constant problem of falling off in the late game when most foes simply can’t be grabbed. This build honestly peaks around level 13 and just falls off from there. This is definitely one of my builds that I think works better in a low level campaign.

But if you want something unique that works well early here’s your build! Big reach to hold everyone in place so your party can beat them up. Playing the CC tank might not be that glorious but it’s a job someone’s gotta do. And remember: "It's not how much you can lift. It's how good you look!"

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

[kor-ra]

Fun challenge for you based on your recent tags: Explain to me, someone who has never watched a single episode of the 100, why you ship Bellarke? I am curious, and I'm hoping this is entertaining for you to do lol

Oh gosh ok you asked for it, the flood gates have been opened. Sorry this took so long to answer but I wanted to explain it in the best way I could (or at least try to). I’m going to do a short version and a long version so people don’t have to read my entire explanation lol. Also I’m only going over the plot as it relates to their story, so there will probably be some holes.

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are soulmates, plain and simple as that. The growth that they have had since the first season till now has been a long and winding road. They were enemies then became co leaders then best friends and now are (hopefully) on track to admitting that they love each other. The amount of parallels the show draws between them is insane and they both have such a profound understanding of each other due to their shared leadership role and constantly being the person that the other one goes to when they need someone to comfort them. Time and time again they choose each other, even during some of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make. Their growth almost always comes back to how they influence each other to try and be better people. Canonically, they make better decisions when they are together: The Head and the Heart. They cannot exist as their full selves without each other in their lives because their lives have become so intertwined with each other that they are fundamentally different people when they’re apart. No matter how often they’re apart, they always find a way back to each other. And if nothing else, the gazes and longing hugs that they give each other just oozes love and understanding.

Ok that was the short version. Here’s the Long Version🤪

Ok so Bellamy and Clarke definitely did not start off this way. From the very first episode they are at each other’s throats. Clarke is trying to be the practical leader to get these kids to survive while Bellamy is the dynamic leader inspiring these kids to “do whatever the hell they want”. They don’t see eye to eye and Bellamy even says he’s willing to cut off Clarke’s hand to get what he wants. This doesn’t change until 1x03 when Bellamy sees Clarke mercy kill Atom, another kid on Earth.

This girl, who he thought was a pampered princess, was able to make this tough decision while he couldn’t. After that they begrudgingly try and coexist together. Then “Day Trip” happens and Bellamy and Clarke go off on their own and almost die by a rogue delinquent. They kill him and while they’re recuperating Bellamy wants to run away from all the hardships and mistakes that he’s made. Instead of holding it against him, Clarke gives him forgiveness (“if you want forgiveness, I’ll give it to you ok, fine you’re forgiven”)

For the first time they are truly vulnerable with each other and make their first decision to lead together. This is the turning point. From then on they co lead together, sharing the burden and responsibilities of leadership and being the person that the other depends on. They don’t always get along but they learn to rely on each other. The season ends with them separated at the end of their first big battle. Clarke closes the drop ship door to save her people from the enemy and she thinks he didn’t survive the blast outside

S2

Bellamy and Clarke are separated (a common occurrence that you will soon find out) Clarke is trapped in Mt. Weather and although the rest of her people are comfortable there, she is determined to get out and find out if the rest of her people -cough cough Bellamy- are alive. Bellamy likewise also starts to look for Clarke. Angst and drama ensues, but the important part is that we get our first ever Bellarke hug and man is it a good one (and an absolute fan favorite)

Like Bellamy is so stunned by the way she RUNS and wraps her arms around him and slowly after the shock hugs her back. But this hug cements just how important they’ve become to each other. From here on out they protect each other. Bellamy saves Clarke from being poisoned, he volunteers to go into Mount Weather and Clarke (originally) violently opposes it saying that “She can’t lose him to” in reference to losing the boy she loved, among other things (imo this is when Bellamy starts to develop real feelings for Clarke). Finally towards the end of the season when they face off against the “big baddie” they have to make the choice to kill hundreds of innocent people among the guilty to save their own people. An impossible choice, and Clarke being the self sacrificial puppy that she is wants to “bear it so they don’t have to”. But Bellamy won’t let her do that, they’re going to share that heavy burden. And they pull the lever together

So they return home, people rescued and the guilt hanging high above their heads. But for Clarke the guilt is too much to bear and she tells Bellamy that she has to leave. And Bellamy BEGS her to stay, even repeating that same line that she said to him in the beginning of the show. However, she leaves him and her people behind, which would lead them both down a path of hurt.

S3

And hurt they do. Clarke leaving didn’t fill the hole of guilt in her heart, and Bellamy was left to (try lol) and heal his broken heart on his own. I will also say that both Clarke/Bellamy get their own significant other with Lexa/Gina respectively and this is because (imo) they both go down paths where the other is not in the picture I’m so certain that if they stayed togehter, they would’ve been together and that’s why they’re always separated. But then for the first time in the 3 months since she left, Bellamy finds Clarke, while she’s being taken captive and literally DROPS EVERYTHING to rescue her. When he finds her it is the most tender thing.

This is soon interrupted when Roan (her captor) comes back and Clarke BEGS him to save his life, saying “I’ll do anything. I’ll stop fighting just please don’t hurt him.” Bellamy gets stabbed in the leg and and Clarke and Roan get away. Unlike a normal person, Bellamy Blake is hopelessly in love and devoted to Clarke so he STILL TRIED TO GO AFTER HER WITH A HOLE IN HIS LEG AND WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL SCENE RIGHT HERE

Cut back a little while later Clarke is safe in Polis with Lexa, trying to unify their two clans and Bellamy finds her again. He tells her to come back to Arkadia (their home) but she says she needs to be here (in Polis). This breaks his heart and is what sets him literally down a VERY DARK PATH of murder to try and justify a war (complicated stuff, what matter is he fucks up). Clarke eventually does come back to Arkadia only to find a very angry and heartbroken Bellamy who tries to justify his actions (You Left Me). They have a very Bellarke™ talk full of emotion and love.

And just when you think everything is going to be alright, he handcuffs her to a chair lol. And they spend a good chunk of the season apart.

When the going gets tough however, they know that they need each other. And after episodes of not speaking to each other they have another one of their Bellarke™ talks and hugs where Bellamy says “I was so mad at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore” And then they hug like this, like c’monnnnnnn platonic my ass.

I’m going to speed up for the sake of getting to more stuff. But they end season 3 as they always do, fighting the evil together. Other highlights include Clarke’s (brainwashed) mom using Bellamy as her 1st choice to sacrifice in front of Clarke. There’s also a cute hand holding scene hgngnghngg

For all the angst however, this is the first season when other people call them out on their feelings (mainly Bellamy’s tho) for each other well Octavia already called him out during the first hug but that doesn’t count because She knows him too well. His other friends call him out for not being devoted to his old girlfriend Gina (who died) and Murphy comparing his feeling for Emori (his CANON love interest) to Clarke.

S4

Ok, I know a lot of this post has been focused on Bellamy’s feelings and that’s mostly because Clarke has had a love interest in every season so she hasn’t had time to recognize her own feelings. However during s4, we get to see the extent of just how much Clarke means to Bellamy as well. There are a lot of moments in this season so I’m just going to try and focus on the big ones/my faves.

(This isn’t super important, but in the 1st episode of s4, Clarke is still grieving her gf Lexa who died and IMMEDIATELY AFTER, we get a cut to Bellamy like way to be subtle guys. no platonic explanation for this edit)

Ok basically what you need to know about s4 is that the world is going to end by a nuclear radiation cloud thingy called Praimfaiya and it’s up to Bellarke (along with some other peeps lol) to save everyone from it. So one of the things Clarke has to do is write a list of 100 people to choose for a potential bunker. So of course Clarke puts Bellamy on spot 99 but can’t bring herself to write her own name. So Bellamy who is sleeping on the couch wakes up because his Clarke is sad sirens are going off to tell her to put her name down. (If I’m on that list, you’re on that list) Still she can’t do it sO BELLAMY DOES IT FOR HER (because this boy needs her to be with him). and then he puts his hand on her AND SHE LAYS HER HEAD ON HIS HAND....so tender.

Ok so a few episodes later Bellamy (and Kane) get held hostage and Clarke has to sacrifice part of a large shelter that they need to escape Praimfaiya for them, it’s a tough decision but one that Clarke obviously makes. (Literally the only reason Bellamy was even taken was because Roan knew how much he meant to specifically Clarke). I can’t find a gif, but trust me it’s worrisome

Ok god next episode is when we start getting into that high stakes shit (THAT I LOVE). So basically Clarke and Bellamy are going to be separated AGAIN and right before he leaves Bellamy says this

LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE THAT HE WAS NOT ABOUT TO CONFESS HIS LOVE TO HER LIKE CMON PEOPLE LOOK AT EVERY TROPE OF THIS EVER. Clarke of course was like “No, we will see each other again” but uhufhdjejdwkndwk he was going to say “I love you” in my book

Ok now towards the end of the season, most everyone in Skaikru is in this Bunker except for Octavia and most of the grounders (people on earth who survived the original radiation). I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet but Octavia is Bellamy’s younger sister and throughout the show he has sacrificed so so much for her and risked a lot of things to keep her safe. So now when Bellamy learns that Octavia is alive and outside the bunker he rushes to open the door for her. But here’s the catch: if they open the hatch, there’s a chance the radiation is bad and everyone in the bunker (THE HUMAN RACE) would die. However, because Bellamy needs to save his sister he’s willing to take that risk. For Clarke, that isn’t though and POINTS A GUN at him. But Bellamy says if she shoots she’s “going to have to make it a kill shot”. AND SHE CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO SHOOT HIM. CLARKE CANNOT KILL BELLAMY EVEN IF IT MEANT SAVING THE HUMAN RACE. Of course it was fine but still man c’mon.

And then later in order to try and lighten the mood, when they’re trying to drive the rover, Bellamy makes Clarke laugh and IS SO DISTRACTED BY HER SMILE HE CRASHES THE CAR. ok moving on

OK HERE IS THE BIG LEAGUE MY FAVORITE BELLARKE SCENE IN THE SERIES. So Bellamy and Clarke have this big heart to heart cause Clarke thinks she’s gonna die and it is the softest scene ever. So Clarke, thinking she’s going to die says “You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy. People follow you, you inspire them because of this (his heart). But the only way we’re gonna make sure we survive is if you use this too (his head aka what Clarke represents in their relationship” AND TO THAT RESPONDS “I got you for that” IN THE MOST TENDER WAY LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE. And also they have one of the best bellarke hugs of the show.

So Bellarke and like 6 of their friends head off to the space station to avoid the death wave. However, the satellite that allows them to get in isn’t working, so Clarke sacrifices her self to go and fix it while the rest of her friends can go to space. Bellamy makes the HEARTWRENCHING DECISION to leave her behind in order to save the rest of his friends from the death wave. So Spacekrew go up to the station to wait 6 years until Earth becomes habitable while Bellamy grieves Clarke’s death.

Except she’s not dead

Clarke has special blood called “nightblood” that made her immune to the radiation. She spends the next six years on the only available plot of green land left with her adoptive daughter Madi (who has nightblood and she found when she survived the radiation.) So for the next 6 years CLARKE CALLS BELLAMY ON THIS RADIO EVERY DAY. This radio doesn’t even work, but Clarke calls him anyways to keep her sane and (imo) this is when I truly think Clarke realizes the depth of her feelings for Bellamy, because I for sure wouldn’t call my platonic buddy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 6 years (THATS 2199 DAYS) like c’mon

S5

Ok so 6 years have passed, and Clarke is waiting for Bellamy + Co (Spacekru) to come back to Earth. But before Spacekru comes back, another ship lands on Earth full of escaped prisoners who have been cryogenically frozen for the past like 150 years. So basically they come to Earth, capture Clarke and hold her hostage, while Madi (her adoptive daughter) escapes.

Literally a little while later Spacekru finds their way back to Earth and stumble upon Madi who tells them Clarke is alive, much to all of their shock but ESPECIALLY Bellamy (cause ya know the love of his life is back from the dead). So he goes to find and rescue her his wife from the prisoners. When he finds her they threaten to shoot him on sight, but he has leverage. He can send a signal back to the spaceship so, he trades 283 lives in order to save Clarke because of course he does.

Bellamy and Clarke finally have their moment to reunite 6 years in the making and it’s as soft and sweet as you could ever expect it to be and they have another one of their classic Bellarke™ hugs.

Ok so happy ending now for them right? They’re finally back together !!! Well NOPE because after Bellamy was done grieving Clarke he got himself a girlfriend :))))))) named Echo (context Echo was an assassin/spy the “bad guys” until end of s4, then she went up to space w/ them) but Bellamys whole schtick is forgiveness, which he learnt from Clarke COUGH COUGH . Anyways when Clarke sees them making out for the first time she is let’s just say ~taken aback~

and the second time she sees them she looks straight up heartbroken !!!

Now that Clarke has finally realized her feelings for Bellamy he’s with another girl :///// But Clarke still holds a very dear position in Bellamy’s heart and we see that when he confronts his sister. Remember Octavia? The sister who he would do anything for??? Well now she’s kinda lost her marbles and became an evil dictator when she was leading everyone in the bunker. So now due to ~plot~ Octavia wants Clarke dead. Bellamy CANNOT have this happen. I mean he just got her back !!! And he pleads for Octavia to save her life and Octavia says this

HIS SISTER WHO KNOWS HIM BEST (well besides Clarke lmao) CALLED HIM OUT ON HIS FEELINGS. And the best part is that Bellamy doesn’t even try to deny it. Then he says “I can’t let you kill Clarke , O” AND PROCEEDS TO POISON HIS SISTER. THE ONE WHO HE HAS RISKED HIS LIFE FOR LIKE FOREVER (she doesn’t die tho) Bellamy choses Clarke over her without hesitation, and that has come a long way my friends. 

Ok while, we’re riding this high it gets kinda worse. So, remember Clarke’s adoptive daughter Madi? Well now Spacekrew wants to put this thing called the flame (ok sorry I glossed over it before but it’s really important to the show, I just hate it !) which all previous leaders of the grounder people had, in Madi’s head because she’s the ~destined~ leader (it’s confusing I know just roll with it). Clarke is like fuck no because she also hates the flame (queen) and doesn’t want Madi to become a leader and carry that burden. So Bellamy locks Clarke up to get to Madi, but then Clarke grabs Madi and leaves Bellamy to die in Octavia’s apocalyptic fighting pit to fend for his life.

Not looking great right? Bear with me for a moment lol. So flash forward to the end of the season and one of the prisoner dudes accidentally sets off a bomb that’s going to destroy the one green valley that was left. Bellamy is pissed at Clarke for leaving him to die, but Clarke was only trying to save Madi but doesn’t know how to fix this. Then Madi (our mini bellarke shipper) tells Bellamy how important she is to him. Like this girl probably watched her make these calls every morning, SHE KNOWS

And just like that Bellamy cannot be mad at Clarke anymore, because he realizes the bond and isolation and dare I say LOVE she must have for him to do that. So they all make it back up to space as Earth explodes for the 2nd time (RIP). So remember that prision ship with cryogenic pods? Yea so now basically everyone who is on Earth is going to rest in these pods until Earth heals itself. Except it doesn’t (at least not in the 10 years they had hoped for). So two of Bellarke’s friends and couple named Monty and Harper stay awake and spend their remaining years finding another planet to live on. And when they find one 125 years later guess who they picked to wake up first. You guessed it, the co leaders themselves Bellarke. So they have a tender moment watching the sun rise over this new planet

S6

Ok this is the last season before we’re caught up but my god it’s a big one for Bellarke. Ok so the season starts off on this new planet and everyone is distrustful of Clarke for what she did on Earth to protect her daughter and make ONE personal sacrifice when she sacrifices everything for everyone all the time god Anyways, on this new planet due to this like “red sun” they hallucinate on the surface and Bellamy says to Clarke “I don’t need you anymore Clarke”(remember this it’s important). After the red sun fiasco, the actual residents of the planet show up (they were descended from an earthship that came there like 250~ years ago).

(I can’t believe I almost forgot to put this but Bellamy tells Clarke about the radio calls before they hallucinate and it’s such a whole some scene and helps to bridge the gap between them once more)

So the people show Bellarke + crew their customs which includes a ceremony where they repent and let go of their past mistakes. Clarke uses this to apologize to Bellamy for her actions as she declares to him “Hey, you’re my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again” like boyo that scene brings me to tears like fuck !!! and then once again they have a classic Bellarke™ hug and god it’s a GOOD one.

So yay, they’re on good terms !! That means something bad is about to happen again per usual. So it turns out the leaders of this group of people have been alive for 100s of years using these “mind drives” to back their consciousness up and put into new bodies when their current body dies (fun!). And take a guess as to who has the special blood and can be a new host :))))))))))

Clarke gets stolen and *dies* so Josephine can take over her body. While Josie!Clarke fools everyone for like an episode, guess who is the first to think ‘hey that’s not really Clarke’ ofc our boy Bellamy. AND THEN THEY GIVE BELLAMY AN ENTIRE EPISODE TO GRIEVE CLARKE LIKE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS THIS SAD THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. way to be subtle JR

But then guess what !!! Clarke isn’t dead. She’s trapped in her own mind, but very alive. And you’ll never guess how Bellamy finds out. Josie!Clarke taps her fingers on her legs and Bellamy interprets it as morse code that translate into “ALIVE”. LIKE IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE THAT YOUR SUPPOSED DEAD WIFE BESTIE IS STILL ALIVE CAUSE SHE SENT YOU MORSE CODE, LIKE MY BOY I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT THAT’S QUITE A STRETCH.

Anyways, this sends Bellamy into overdrive mode, because goddamn it he is not losing her a 3rd time. Throughout the next episodes we see Bellamy prioritize Clarke over everyone, including his girlfriend Echo when she is in danger. He risks himself and even the lives of others to try and save Clarke to get Josie out of her head. And it all culminates to this masterpiece of a Bellarke scene.

Clarke’s heart stops and she won’t get up and Bellamy arguably becomes the most desperate he has ever been. He whispers, “the head and the heart” before LITERALLY BECOMING HER HEART AND PERFORMING CPR ON HER AND BANGING ON HER CHEST TO GET HER TO WAKE UP (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN THEY TAKE THIS METAPHOR). Even when Octavia gives up, Bellamy yells at her that she’s not dead. “I need you” the first time he has openly admitted that he PERSONALLY needs her in his life. “You’re a fighter Clarke now get up and fight”. Clarke literally (in her mindspace) finds the will to get up and fight by hearing Bellamy’s voice. And like a miracle she wakes up and AN ICONIC AND BEAUTIFUL Bellarke™ hug occurs, even though it looked like she was literally about to kiss him !!!!!! Like tell me these aren’t heart eyes ?!!??!

So then for the rest of the few episodes Bellamy is still super protective of Clarke but they have to split up again because ~plot~. BUT WE HAVE ONE MORE GREAT HURT/COMFORT BELLARKE MOMENT IN THE FINALE. Clarke’s mother had just died, and who does she seek in a crowd for comfort: Bellamy...hopefully you know this by now. God they give each other such meaningful looks in this last scene and have another once again iconic Bellarke™ hug, but it’s a hug where they run into each other like from s2 !!!!! parallels

So they end s6 closer than ever and now we’re all caught up in the present to s7 and lemme be honest besides 7x11, it’s been a HORRIBLE bellarke season, but last episode has had things shake up finally god. So basically everyone assumed Bellamy was dead (including Clarke!!!), but *surprise surprise* he’s alive, but as they soon find out he’s been brainwashed by an evil cult. NOW IT’S CLARKE’S TURN TO SAVE HIM BY BEING HIS HEAD LIKE HE WAS HER HEART LAST SEASON (or I at least hope so). As of writing this post, Bellarke isn’t canon but I’ve been watching this show for 5 years and these two have such a hold on my heart it’s embarrassing, but I hope this explained to you why I and many others will be ridiculously obsessed when it comes to them hehe. Pray for us to be canon, we only have 5 eps left for this beautiful story to come to a conclusion.

[jamiebluewind]

Character/Location Descriptions for Fantasy High 2.10!

***

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

Warning: emprisonment, multiple injuries, canon typical violence, multiple blood mentions, gross descriptions, poison mention, broken bone mention, vomit mention, torture mentions, trauma, abandonment,

***

Brennan

"Free dad slap."

"You 'Ally'ed out of the box of doom!"

***

New Character/s

Fire Elemental #3

Genderless

Was summoned and bound by the elves of old to protect the elemental pylon that powers the permanent magical effects of Ka'lethriel Tower, which transformed them into a monstrous fire thing along with 2 other fire elementals bound there

Was embrased by Fabian in a deep dip as he cradled their head and his sheet wrapped around them both and roiled above them

The power of Fabian's dance partially stunned them and took them out of active combat

The thing binding them to protect the pylon went when the fire pit helix was put out, causing them to change back to a creature with an elvan face of wreathing flame

They cry fire

They kissed Fabian softly on the lips (for 8 points of damage) and whispered in his ear (softly like flame) "Thank you. For my freedom. For my life." before disappearing

Established Characters

Arthur Aguefort

Slows localized time at Ka'lethriel Tower, opening a rift from his desk at the academy to talk to Adaine

Crawled through the rift after Adaine confirmed that her captors chose the way of pain

The way of pain involved Aguefort using new and experimental magic resulting him growing 450 feet tall (massive thudding steps), reaching up to grab the Sun (causing his veins to light up with golden fire and his mouth to fill with a fire that releases and races across the sky), calling thousands of terracotta Agueforts to burst out of the ground and sprint north, moving the Sun itself (leaving a burning scar across the sky), and shooting lasers the width of highways that have enough power to cap a mountain in one hit with lasers that shot out of his eye (which took on a golden bright glow)

He appeared to Kristen later (via a spell that appeared as a scroll glowing with illusionary magic with his name on it that allowed him video chat with her from back in Elmville) badly injured, wrapped up in bandages, bleeding a lot, and in pain.

The new magic tore up his guts so bad that by the time he got about 50 miles north of the tower, he "shit about an ocean of blood" and almost passed out (we can't get that big, 450 feet tall is too big)

Was also hit with a lot of powerful elven counter magic before he teleported back to Solace

His terracotta army fell apart when he left

Admitted that he had been going ham for a while since after Kristen snuck him into heaven, that being dead for a couple months really messed him up, and that attempting to destroy the government of Fallinel was "just too much"

Got in a lot of trouble with the government of Solace, will probably have to go to court, and he has to move the Sun back ("gotta figure out how to do that")

Dragged the Sun "a little bit north of where it should be" (causing the far south of the Earth to be colder and far north to be hotter), but said the Sun was "going in the right direction" and "still going around the Earth", resulting in clarifying that Spyre normally goes around the Sun, but he's not sure of what he did when he dragged it across the sky and that there was more of a poetic understanding of how things really work, but he still "really fucked up"

Kear/Keer

Was horrified by Augefort's actions

"I'm getting very confused and upset with everything that these children do."

Was poisoned and vomiting when Kristen banished her with a kiss on her face, came back when Kristen broke her ankle, and was banished again by Ayda who loudly pronounces "mwah!" while kissing her face like Kristen

Oak Warriors

8 foot tall

Look like green men (not automaton) made of magic with elven faces

Vulnerable to fire

Controled by Kear

Anguin

Was blinded by Kristen

Went invisible and ran

Was knocked unconscious by Fig and left in the vault (with some of his teeth knocked out) when Ka'lethriel Tower collapsed

Aelwyn

Kept awake for 5 months

Was rescued from the tower and fell unconscious/comatose immediately

Was carried out by Ayda

Even outside the orb, her body shook with the strain and effort

As she and Adaine tranced, a tiny piece of her abjurative magic (an innate cantrip, abjurer's ward) came back and she started building a shield around Adaine in her "sleep"

Was taken to a hot spring with elven healers by Adaine

Was unsure if they actually escaped or just died before trying to cast a feeble shield around Adaine again

Her mind was damaged and the torture had a profound and corrosive effect on her well being and memory

The inside of her mind looked like a city razed to the ground with crumbled walls, battlements, towers, and arcane defenses. Only a weird, vulnerable labyrinth of images remained

Has a deep self loathing (especially for not saying anything on Adaine's behalf against their parents) and a powerful fear of her parents. Her cowardice fed into her self loathing which fed into her cowardice in an endless loop.

Had an intense magical charm in the center of the labyrinth of her abjurations and a little faint enchantment with "Despite all of the torment and tribulation, let this be proof. I always knew there was only one person clever enough to find this." written on the outside. The charm was a custom modify memory spell (which The Court Of Stars had been searching for) and contained a saved unbroken version of her from before she was capture which overrode her current broken state once it was dispelled

Adaine

Found a sword in the vault while looking for a weapon to fight with

Later gave the sword Fan-dran-goorh to Fabian (was made by his grandpapa Tel'amine)

Held Aelwyn as they sleep

Detects magic on Aelwyn and find a faint whisper of enchant magic before using detect thoughts on her

Found and dispelled the magical charm within Aelwyn which returns her sister's mind to a version before she was captured by The Court of Stars

Gilear

Fluid in his feet, especially his right (due to rolling his ankle months ago) which now has a band of purple around it (possibly a bone issue) and causes him an ambiant throbbing pain and heat from all the extra blood (GO TO A DOCTOR!!!)

Tel'amine

Tried very hard to say "Gorgug" one last time, but just said "Chedge" and then cried and became really embarrassed when Gorgug responded "It sounds like literally no sound was correct in that."

Dances with Fabian at one point in the night to the sound of Fig's bass.

He and the other adults of Kylo Me'newra give teens grapes because they believe it will make them less horny (doesn't actually work)

Riz

Shot a fire elemental over Gorgug's thumbs up

"Stay positive."

Said "It's beautiful" about Fabian dancing with the fire elemental and shed a tear before saying "It's beautiful Gorgug" and lowering his gun, aiming at the last pitcher

Poked his head in when Adaine was about to go to sleep to ask if her sister was still trying to kill them (since she was just kind of there now), listens to her answer (doesn't think so, especially with her trauma), and then slowly (and awkwardly) backs out of the room as the sisters doze off together (after Ayda dropped her off)

Gorgug

Soot on his face and singed hair after being set on fire

Had his thumb knicked slightly when Riz shot over it

Fabian

Slashed the first fire elemental on his first two turns before hiding behind Gorgug

Had an elven sheet on hand which has the ability to put out fires, so he used to put out his friends

Danced and jumped with his sheet during the battle and did a bit of contact juggling with the fire

(On being kissed) "I take it. I take every point of that damage and I take it slowly. I can feel it. In my whole body."

Was left with red hot lips after kissing the fire elemental and (with a gulp) felt a glowing moat of fire travel down his throat and rest hot and warm in his chest

Had the sheet tied around him like a cape while traveling back to meet with the others

At Kylo Me'newra, danced (badly due to rolling a 1 and a 2) all night outside with his sheet (like nobody is watching) as the ground lit up behind him with a dull glow with each step. It helped him get in touch with his feelings and his body

Enjoys the taste of the flower his grandpapa gives him

Gorgug, Riz, and Fabian

Ran to and from their pylon with their arms back like anime characters

"I believe in you/us."

"Spring break!!!"

All three were burned from their fight

After getting back to Kylo Me'newra, Fabian danced all night while Riz and Gorgug watched (cradled in the boughs of treents that hummed a song as the trees rocked them)

Riz: You know? This place isn't so bad.

Gorgug: How did this part start happening?

Riz: I thought I was just gonna sit in a tree and it started singing to me.

Gorgug: Hey. Really not horrible.

Riz: Yeah.

Tel'amine: Yes. Really not horrible at all. *catches a blossom and shoves it into Gorgug's mouth* Eat it.

Gorgug: *chews*

Tel'amine: Yes.

Riz: Is it good or is it just a flower?

Gorgug: *shakes head*

Riz: It was beautiful.

Tel'amine: *glides off into the night*

Gorgug: *coughs and sticks his tongue out*

Riz: Did that dude just feed you a flower?

Gorgug: Yeah. *hacking sound*

Riz: That was insane.

Gorgug: It's a complex flavor, I don't like it.

Riz: That was insane.

Kristen

Unmade a oak warrior due to the annoyance of her spirit guardians

*appears behind Kear and puts her hand on her back* "You're on the wrong side, but you could join us if you want. Just something to think about." *casts banishment to give Kear time to think and kisses her on the side of the head before she goes*

Tried to ribbon dance fly down 10 stories in the middle of the tower and ended up just slamming into the floor at the bottom instead, breaking her ankle

Her spirit guardians attacked Anguin while he was invisible and trying to sneak into the vault, ending his invisibility

Used sending to get in contact with Jawbone (Jawbone. Hey. Having some trouble with Tracker. She's pretty upset at me. I keep saying the wrong thing. I kept something from her. Oops? -> Tough break kiddo. Happy to help if I can. Should I find a way to contact you other than this spell? -> Fuck yes. -> Hell yeah.)

Had a long distance talk with Jawbone (using Aguefort's video chat spell) where she got advice on not treating her partner as a means to an end and about transparency.

Fig

Gave Wicklaw's sword back to Leviathan

Disguised herself as a Arthur Aguefort (but with a bass guitar) and accidentally really upsets Ayda

Played a really sick guitar riff that would make all the gems dance (to persuade them somehow and find out more about gems) and ends up causing a large gem built into the base of the tower to crack and the tower to collapse (but not before grabbing a book on gems lore)

Tried to set Adaine's dad on fire with a pack of cloves as they left

Had a sleepover with Ayda (text link below)

Ayda

Brennan stated outside stream that an incarnation of Ayda has been living on Leviathan for a very long time, building the Compass Points. When she dies and is reborn, it is a true rebirth and her new incarnation has none of the memories of her previous forms, only knowing her previous selves from the written instructions they leave behind. Her current incarnation is the same age as Tracker (17).

Can fly with two other medium sized people (and later the two plus an underweight Aelwyn)

Immune to fire

Her dad is very triggering for her

Had a sleepover with Fig

(to Fig) "Have you said something so kind on purpose?"

When Fig attacked her as her dad (due to spell fail), she got very upset and said "Dad. Dad. I'm sorry. I'm done. I'm sorry. Dad. Dad." as Fig tried to calm her

When she counter spelled Angwin and Fig told her thank you, she answered "Whatever. I would help you, Fi-du-du-Dad. You're not my dad. You're Fig! Right? It's an illusion. Yes. You're Fig. I know. Why would I have carried my dad here? He never carried muh... me."

Told Fig that she might need to work through some of her stuff in battle as she "elected to have a disguise that was very upsetting."

After dispelling a spell on Fig that was gonna make her run away "Dad don't leave! I mean Fig! Fig don't leave."

Was very happy to see Adaine.

Said "My friend Kristen did this" before giving Kear a loudly pronounced "Mwah" kiss to the side of her head and banishing her again

Fig: How dare you do that the Arthur Augefort!

Ayda: PLEASE STOP THAT!

Fig: I know, but see, it's intimidating for them-

Ayda: It can't possibly be helping us more than it's hurting us!

***

Location Descriptions

Ka'lethriel Tower (new details)

The tower itself is 10 stories tall and sits near a wall (with a gate) that surrounds the tower and the garden

Each floor has one room (save the top which has at least two)

The first floor holds a vault (which is normally protected by permanent magical effects) with a big locked door

There's a large gem built into the side of the tower within the vault

The vault is filled with a lot of things, including Adaine and Aelwyn's property (spellbooks, arcane focuses, and The Jacket of Useful Things), Fan-dran-goorh (Fandrangor): Sword of The North Star (long, whip thin elven sword that shines a gleaming green golden light, can talk with the voices of elvan ancestors, and once belonged to elven kings long past), a massive religious tome, a quarenteened series of top secret elven scrolls that is the research of Adaine mom, a series of notes by mom looking for the location of a temple in Sylvar (Kristen knows due to a book at the Compass Points Library), and a book on gem lore

Fire Pit Pylon

Large elvan smithy (only in looks as it's an arcane power station and not an actual forge) and worst of the two pylons

Stone, mossy covered building with a floor covered in traps and an entire infrastructure filled with a high elven adoration for magic

In the center of the building, there is a hexagonal 6 pointed room with a fire pit in the center that's so hot that it's hard to look at. The fire is golden green helix at the start (changes to purple gold with the first pitcher of water spilled into it, ruby red with the second, and out with the third. It also flickers with other energy at ruby red from the other pylon being attacked).

Surrounding the fire pit in altering positions around the 6 sided room are 3 braziers and 3 statures (each statue directly across from a brazier)

The elven statues have ornimental stone weapons on them and are holding huge alabaster pitchers of clear water which bend towards the fire pit and require a cantrip (or enough damage to break them) to dump their water

The large firy silver elven braziers are piled high with burning coal (responsible for the smoke) and are traps that conjure a monsterous fire elemental when the water from its corresponding stature spills into the fire pit or when a floor trap is triggered

***

<- PREVIOUS

[greyias]

This is not fair of me to ask, I'm sure you have plenty to do, but there is this post on reddit titled, "Is there an enjoyable way to read about SWTOR plot? I have fallen ill right after playing Umbara and I would very much like to know why certain someone did what he did, but I am unable to play and wookiepedia is quite a dry read. " He explains he has seizures from playing video games. I was wondering if you had something written that would help him out, or maybe you could write something?

Oh no, that poor guy! That really sucks to be invested in a story and then not be able to see how it turns out!  I’m going to guess videos/playback of them have a similar issue  🙁 

I totally will agree with him that Wookieepedia is definitely dry, but I’m going to boldly put this statement out here: it’s also incorrect.

At least the articles on Fractured Alliances were (and a few other TOR era articles I came across), to the point where I actually got really angry reading them because the assumptions were just so... blatantly wrong. And not well sourced. (This is a strange hill for me choose to die on, but I will go defend it nonetheless.) Granted I haven’t looked at them in several months, so it’s possible they’ve been updated since then? 🤷‍♀️

I haven’t written a full write-up on what happened in Fractured Alliances, but honestly I’ve been meaning to? Because the Wookiepedia articles irked me that much, I feel like someone needs to rant at length and correct them. I’ve just, erm, got a bit lazy and distracted and haven’t done so. Mostly because there’s actually a lot to cover, and a lot of misconceptions to correct, and sourcing is hard yo.

BUT! I can do a cliff’s notes version really quick to get him some answers. Although if it’s possible... maybe just link him this post in private if possible? Mostly because there’s some pretty big edgelords over on Reddit, and they make me tired (which is why I stopped even going over there to look at things).

Also I still haven’t quite lived down Gravedrog yet. I still can’t believe that blew up to the degree it did.

BUT! I can talk about Theron Shan, and his motivations all the live long day. Probably too long if we’re being honest. And I’ve definitely invested far more thought and energy into understanding what happened in this storyline (and why everyone did what they did) than is probably rational. But hey, we all have to have a hobby? And apparently mine is dissecting rushed/truncated video game storylines and their implications on characterization.

The TL;DR: Theron does what he does in Fractured Alliances to protect both the Outlander and the Alliance. And eventually by extension of the plot, everyone in the galaxy

(Whether or not a player or Outlander agrees with his methods for going about it is another debate entirely, but Theron definitely had his reasons, which were noble in intent, as all roads to hell are said to be paved with)

(Sorta) Cliff’s Notes Version of Fractured Alliances:

(okay this isn’t that short, but I promise it’s a lot shorter than it could be)

Once upon a time, we find a junky old spaceship in the swamp. We ignore it whispering creepily to us and a bunch of warning signs and decide to adopt it anyway

Sometime later, the entire cast of KOTET takes a reluctant field trip (see: KIDNAPPING) to Iokath. 

While there, some stupid droid turns to Vaylin and says “Hey, you want to erase all of these Gemini droids free will?”

Because the entire expansion of KOTET got cut down by literally half, a lot of characterization shortcuts are taken and Vaylin’s like “HELL YEH”

All of the Gemini units are mindwiped save for one, a creepy little scarfed explorer who was off exploring Hoth or something. We get one e-mail from Hylo about this droid at the end of KotFE Chapter 16. 

This lone Gemini unit, named Gemini 16, is traumatized by this and she’s like “Fuck having sisters! I want to be an only child!” and decides she wants to murder her entire droid family. Apparently it’s the only way to be sure this never happens again???

We defeat Vaylin, Valkorion, and take ownership of a shiny new fleet! Neat! Also, we install the Fleet’s control console with a known security flaw that we ourselves tried to exploit in KotFE (see: The Gemini Frequency) into the heart of our operations on Odessen. I’m sure no traumatized, misanthropic lone Gemini droids or crazy Zakuulans will use this to their advantage.

Oh wait.

Some guy we never met hates us because two kids were arguing over a piece of bread in the street. 

This genius is named Vinn Atrius. He’s our villain.

He says “THANKS OUTLANDER-BAMA” and “We always had plenty of bread before YOU showed up!” and “Zakuul can’t just conquer and force everyone to bend to our will anymore :( :( :( :(” and “Won’t someone think of the children????” and decides he’s going to murderize him an Outlander. And the Alliance. 

He decides to become a terrorist and frame us for his terrorist acts. 

When he’s not starting whisper campaigns about how the Outlander is this horrible tyrant that must be stopped

Theron gets wind of Vinn’s plans, and decides to pretend he wants to be a cultist too! -- Vinn wisely slams the door in his face. This is the only wise thing Vinn ever does.

Vinn’s not a very good mastermind, so scary droid lady (GEMINI 16) says “Here honey, let me help you find a giant apocalypse machine”, although she doesn’t say honey because she hates everyone who’s not her

I actually skipped Iokath but I swear to god that’s an entire post unto itself, but someone tries to murderize the Outlander. Theron’s strangely calm about this. We’re supposed to think that’s because the TR8R WAS HIM ALL ALONG

This is stupid and goes against every characterization of Theron Shan up to this point in canon. I literally need an entire post to go into this, and am trying to keep things short.

TL;DR: This lady tried to murder the Outlander because ?????

I’m pretty sure the person behind the mask is the Scion, Oramis, and this part of the story/explanation got cut when they condensed everything.

Oramis and the Scions are also another post/explanation entirely

Gemini 16 lured everyone to Iokath

the full explanation is a post unto itself

but it’s the only thing that makes sense (with her motivation, Vinn’s motivation, their entire dialogue on their first meeting -- again, I’m trying to keep this “short”)

Sixteen literally has recordings of Team Outlander talking about who could have lured everyone there -- implying she was in the Iokath mainframe the entire time they were there on Iokath Fieldtrip #2

also, Vinn Atrius is as dumb as toast

🍞

Theron is actually pretty pissed about someone trying to murder his boss/best friend/girlfriend/boyfriend. And he’s pretty sure he knows who it is. So he goes into ultra THERON LOGIC mode -- which is to say, he becomes an overly paranoid loner -- and decides to infiltrate a death cult.  (again). As you do.

Because via intelligence reports that are for some stupid reason hidden behind group content, he already knows that some conspiracy against the Alliance is afoot. And that they’re being watched. Apparently Lana forgot to read all of her Intelligence dossiers???? 

Since he knows we’re being watched, but can’t figure out how, logically the only thing to do is without any backup whatsoever, try and infiltrate the Death Cult that slammed the door in his face once already. 

Luckily for Theron, Vinn Atrius is a dumbass and says “IDK... you’re pretty close to the Commander”

Theron says “Would a face like this lie to you?” while making this face in the cutscene: 😡  

Vinn’s like “When you’re right, you’re right! Blow up a train for me?” 

Theron: AHAHAHA SURE. I LOVE BLOWING UP TRAINS

Theron, Mentally: ...well, crap. I guess I could tell the Commander about this. BUT THE WALLS HAVE EARS--WAIT I HAVE A BRILLIANT PLAN

Theron proceeds to concoct the most elaborate stage play known to man, which includes:

Leading everyone to the front of the train

Where he can lure both the Outlander and Lana into the front compartment

And shoots Lana with a stun blast, something he has never done before to someone he’s trying to supposedly kill

Then he shoots at the Commander--but not really, because he was shooting out the window on the front of the train

Then he shoots again at the Commander--but not really, because he was shooting at the controls to bring up a shield that prevents the Outlander from following him

And oh no! Now there’s a shield between them, what a tragedy, I guess he can’t pretend to shoot at the Commander and miss for a third time. Guess it’s time to monologue like a Bond villain. What can ya do? It’s not like he has cybernetic implants that help him be an expert marksman. God, that’d be embarrassing.

Since he knows that he’s being recorded by some unseen person, he really hams it up for the camera. He makes this face again, because he’s decided it’s part of his tr8rsona: 😡

The Outlander can react in a variety of ways, but if one of those ways is “UM WTF???? WHY DIDN’T YOU TALK TO ME???” he suddenly breaks tr8r character and goes “I thought about it... but then you might have talked me out of it--AND WE CAN’T HAVE THAT!” 

if you romanced him and say you still love him he makes this face: 😭

And then literally tells the Outlander how to escape from the train before like going “I’m really gonna blow up this train -- in thirty seconds -- gosh it would be a shame if you were still on this train in thirty seconds. When it blows up. When I pull the trigger. That I’m about to do.”

The Outlander leaps off the train, out of the convenient exit point Theron made, with Lana. They’re respectively like “?????” and “🤬🤬🤬🤬”

Vinn thinks this all very convincing. Sixteen is facepalming in the background. Vinn doesn’t listen to her. We don’t see any of this, but it’s kind of implied in future dialogue.

If you’re dating Theron and didn’t try to Force choke him, he sends you a letter going “I STILL LOVE YOU -- CAN’T EXPLAIN WHY I DID THIS BUT ILU PLZ DON’T FORGET ILU oh yeah and the alliance sucks and stuff i guess -- ps. ♥︎♥︎♥︎”

This is apparently something a tr8r would do, because Theron is Vinn’s go-to guy now. And decides to give Theron the task of retrieving a map to this place called Nathema so they can find a giant death machine to kill the Alliance.

Oh wait. That place called Nathema. That Theron has been to before. And knows the exact coordinates too because he was the pilot that flew them there. The place that Valkorion sucked the entire life out of and made a giant wound in the Force. THAT NATHEMA.

This is the part where normal people might think “Maybe I should reconsider my plans”, but they are not Theron Shan. Who shaves his head, throws away a jacket he’s been wearing since he was like fifteen, and heads over to Chiss space, to steal/blow up a map to the Ancient Death Machine.

Actually it’s revealed/hinted at on Iokath, on Copero, and then clarified once again in Nathema Conspiracy, that this machine is literally the Apocalypse

It wipes out entire worlds’ populations in an instant

Background lore indicates that its hunger is endless and has been waiting to rise again and there’s like prophecies about this

If activated and not stopped, this machine will literally annihilate all life in the galaxy

Theron blows up some more things at a resort, runs bravely away away, and then OOPS OH SO ACCIDENTALLY broadcasts his call with the Death Cult, who say their name on camera.

Shockingly, the Alliance intercepts the accidental-on-purpose broadcast and now know the name of Theron’s new cult: The Order of Zildrog

Then like forever and a day passes in real life, but who knows how long in game time, but I guess it’s like, six months or less according to a line of dialogue -- and finally Lana and the Outlander mysteriously get coordinates to a myyyyysterious abandoned outpost. 

And by mysterious, I mean that Lana is the only one who can decode said coordinates because she and Theron came up with the encryption together on Rishi

It’s almost like he’s working from the inside or something

But if you tell Lana that she’s like “NO HE’S A TR8R GRRR THIS A TRAP”

It is not a trap

Lana and the Outlander wander around, and find a bunch of recordings someone conveniently forgot to erase detailing a bunch of infodumps that’s way too long for the Cliff’s Notes version, but boil down to showing and implying an entire novel’s worth of backstory:

Vinn’s manifesto

Theron unconvincingly pretending he really likes death cults

Vinn staring at numbers from data he got from Iokath and zomg Zildrog is reallllll -- the legends of his mighty hunger and DEATH DEALING are true! Squee! Just what he needs to get rid of that pesky Outlander!

Vinn recruiting people who really don’t like you into his death cult

Gemini telling Vinn he really sucks at this masterminding thing, but she needs someone who’s good with people so hey let’s team up!

Oh and she knows where Zildrog is

The Outlander and Lana escape before the space station blows up

Over on the Shuttle of Zildrog, Theron’s like “It’s all up to you now, Commander” and apparently Vinn hears that and is like “Hey Theron, did you remember to erase all of our super sekrit recordings and blow up the space station?"

Theron: 👌

Vinn: 👍

Sixteen: 😒

Back on Odessen Lana’s like “I KILL DA TR8R” regardless of your feelings on the matter as an Outlander. If Arcann’s still alive he’s like “Hey Commander, maybe go easy on Theron? I know the value of forgiveness. Maybe he had his reasons?”

You get corroborating information of literally everything we just learned on the Space Station OF DOOM and Lana’s still like “Nope, still gonna shank me a tr8r! No one tazes Lana Beniko and lives!”

I assume it’s a fun ride to Nathema

Okay I joke. She’s just being protective and "logical”, but honestly if you select literally every single dialogue option supporting Theron throughout this story, illogically Angry Lana can really start to grate after a while

On Nathema, we follow a myyyysterious signal -- to Theron. To the surprise of no one except Lana who’s like “JERKFACE STAY AWAY FROM THE COMMANDER”

Theron proceeds to tell an extremely abbreviated, and slightly more straightforward version of everything above. 

If you’ve romanced him, he reminds you that he promised to do anything to protect you. 

This includes shaving his head, updating his wardrobe, blowing up a train, and putting up with Vinn Atrius’s shit for months on end

The things he does for love

Lana still doesn’t believe him. At this point if you want to, you can be like “Lana plz” and she’s like “OKAY FINE--BUT I’M WATCHING YOU TR8R”

Gemini 16 was watching the entire exchange. Looks like SOMEONE’S cover is blown. Oh well, Theron was done with it anyway.

Vinn is SHOCKED. SHOCKED I TELL YOU.

HOW DARE

THERON????

HOW COULD YOU?????

YOU FRIENDED ME ON SPACEBOOK

WAS IT ALL A LIE

I KEEL HIM

Sixteen is just like “whatever let’s go activate Zildrog”

Vinn: Is this why he kept insulting our Lord and Savior Valkorion?????

Team Outlander fights their way to the site of the Ancient Apocalypse Machine. They meet Shroedinger’s Cultist along the way via holo. 

He/she/they says “hi/plz die”.

There’s sixteen candidates for this spot (two for each class) -- but all sixteen are not death cultists at the same time

This is another thing that requires an entire post to delve into, so another time on that

Team Outlander arrives at the site where Zildrog was installed on Nathema -- coincidentally right at the same spot Tenebrae/Vitiate/Valkorion initiated his first death ritual to grant him semi-immortality. Fancy that.

Vinn has convinced everyone he’s recruited into his death cult to climb into these really dangerous looking pods; not surprising but they’re all basically dead -- because Zildrog required a human sacrifice to be reactivated

A human sacrifice???

In my ancient death machine?

It’s more likely than you think!

Theron shoots Vinn because he’s tired of his shit

Gemini 16 reveals that the Zildrog machine is one half of a larger death device built on Iokath. Where’s the other half?

OH BACK ON ODESSEN. Because it’s the Gravestone. Yes, I know everyone forgot about it at this point, which is kind of easy since we haven’t seen it since KOTET.

The Gravestone blows up the Eternal Fleet. Like, all of it. At once. Also the control console for the Fleet blows up too. This kind of detonates several things on base.

For some reason edgelords on Reddit think this is all Theron’s fault

As if the writers were really going to let us keep that Deus Ex Machina that would literally prevent them from going back to these same whiner’s precious Pub vs Imp conflict

And ignoring the fact that this would have been the end result even if Theron hadn’t gone undercover

I digress

Team Outlander fights Sixteen and defeats her. 

Theron goes to try and finish shutting Zildrog down and Vinn Atrius is like

And stabs Theron in the back with a lightsaber pike

The Outlander can be like 

“FUCK YOU ASSHOLE THAT’S MY BEST FRIEND/BOYFRIEND”

 or “OH NOES” 

or “ASSMUNCH I WAS GONNA DO THAT”

Vinn’s like “DRAGGONNNNNNNNN” as if he was recreating a scene from Dragonball Z, and the holo-Zildrog is like “Here, let me make you go Super Saiyan!” -- and gives Vinn a boss buff

Outlander and Lana fight Vinn and kick his ass. Then kick Zildrog’s ass. Yes, Zildrog is literally just a computer console in the center of the room, and if the Outlander more or less pulls a Kylo Ren on it

The Gravestone blows up -- everyone on Odessen is really confused

Lana tells the Outlander that “WAIT! Theron’s still alive!” -- she’s backed off her murderous rampage at this point and says we have to bring him back to Odessen to save his life

The Outlander can act like any sane person to their boyfriend/best friend/person-who-risked-their-entire-life/reputation-to-save-us/etc and go “Let’s take him home and save his life”

Or can be a dick and literally make Theron live out his worst fear of being abandoned by the people he cares about -- because despite the mountain of evidence that illustrates he literally did all of this to save your life, you can just walk away going “tr8rs never prosper”

This option shows what looks like him dying offscreen

I’m pretty sure he actually survives

Satele sends you a nastygram if you do this, where she directly contradicts a previous letter she sent (to Theron) if you tried to kill her in KotFE Chapter 12

Lana also is not happy with you if you do this, but not like, enough to actually leave or anything

Back on Odessen it’s revealed half of the members of the Alliance are fair weather friends and have abandoned you since you don’t own any super cool space ships anymore

If you brought Theron back with you, he limps up while you and Lana are shooting the breeze and asks if he can stay

You can say yes or no

If you’re romancing Lana you can propose to her around this point

If you’ve romanced Theron (and didn’t tell him to hit the road), you take an ill-advised walk as he’s still limping like crazy, where he reveals that he’s been having nightmares ever since Umbara about you walking away from him and he can never catch up

GEE WHAT DOES THAT SOUND LIKE

He says he knows he doesn’t deserve your trust or forgiveness, but still asks if you can give “your idiot spy boyfriend” a second chance 

You can say no, of course, but if you say yes, there’s a dialogue path that leads to an adorably awkward proposal

And he promises that he and Lana will stay by your side no matter what

THE END

(of that story arc)

Sorry, I know that’s rather disjointed and rushed (despite being as long as it was)! But for such a rushed ending/conclusion, there’s actually a lot of moving parts to the storyline as whole. 

At some point in the future I’ll try to actually expand upon some of those tangent points of “I need more time to explain this properly” -- because there’s a lot of them, and a lot to them. Also cross-referencing the pieces of canon takes time -- but I promise there’s actual canonical evidence and logic trains that make sense for all of that.

[every-jai]

Just a Table Ch. 4

Finally, the next part of my newest Fan fiction. Real life hit me a little, so sorry for the delay. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Reviews are welcome as always!

I'm pregnant....and it's yours" For nearly ten seconds all the colors drained from Jai's face, then it changed to pure rage. "Don't be ridiculous; we haven't been together for months!" She smiled. "3 months to be exact, and I'm 14 weeks pregnant. You ARE the father!" Jai scoffed and dragged me to the elevator "May I remember you, that you were so afraid of getting pregnant, that we even with you taking the pill, always used condoms? If not the doubtful case happened, that both failed - and I can't remember a broken condom - then this is not mine!" The elevator doors closed and left a stunned Kat behind.

Jai stood on the other end with his head held down. He clung to the railing so hard; his knuckles turned white. Suddenly he roared out and kicked the wall with all his power. "This woman really knows how to push my buttons, I have no idea, what I've done to deserve this!" I let him act out his anger and stayed behind.

When we arrived at his flat, he threw his keys in a corner, followed by his shoes. Anxious he wandered thru the room "what if she really has my Baby? I don't want to let the Kid down!" I sighed, scooped the keys out of the corner, placed his shoes beside the door and let myself fall onto the bench at the table. "Didn't you just say it couldn't be yours?" He leans on the kitchen counter "I'm pretty sure... I think so... Damn, I don't keep a book every time I slept with my girlfriend!" he sat down beside me. "Kat has nothing to do with Kids, she doesn't even like them. Every time Indy and her brother were visiting us, she left for her parents, and when we flew to Sydney for them, she always stayed in the background, never played with them. I just had to start talking about Kids, and she instantly throws a fit. Kat said, we had plenty of time for that, and she didn't want to 'ruin' her shape for them just yet." he put the word 'ruin' into exclamation marks with his fingers. I looked at him with a crooked head. "You want to have Kids?" Jai nodded weakly "Would love to have a family in the not so far future. I don't want to be an old Dad. I know it's not that easy with a job like mine, so I would always make sure that they won't miss me too much. But think I can skip that now" He looked really miserable, and it broke my heart to see him like this.

I just opened my mouth to said something reassuringly, when a loud and obnoxious banging started on the door. Jai rolled his eyes "ready to rumble again!" He opened the door, and Kat stormed inside. "How dare you to leave me alone down there!" she hissed, and Jai scowled at her. "Welcome, please come in!" he said sarcastically. Unimpressed she crossed him and threw her handbag on the table beside me. "So that you know what's up, I have a few terms you have to agree to." Jai looked at her completely stunned "Terms? You have terms? I don't think..." I stood up, went to Jai and laid my hand on his arm. "wait, let's hear what she has to say" I winked at him and took my cell phone, there was something I suddenly remembered. "Yeah, listen to your little ladylove, Jai" He crunched his teeth, "OK, tell me"

A smug smile spread across her face. "Good, these are my conditions: First, we are going to be seen in public together again. I'll accompany you to every Shooting, every premiere, every event. We don't want that something like this" she pointed her finger at me "happened ever again, don't we?" again, Jai wanted to say something, but I held him back with a shake of my head. "Please, let her finish" Kat nodded at me nearly appreciative, only to destroy it a second later "Thanks, whatever your name is" I had to cover a grin, she really was a handful. Let's see how long it lasts. "Second: I'm going to move back in, or we will look for a house together, you do not want that your child grows up in such a single dump, right?" Now I had to held Jai down with all my strength so he couldn't jump at her throat "Easy big boy, just a few more minutes" I looked back at Kat. "May I ask how long are you aware that you are pregnant?" Kat looked at me questioning "This is none of your concern" Now Jai jumped in "But it is mine! so, how long?" "Don't know, four weeks I think. I wanted to wait until the critical first 3 months are over, so I can be sure not to lose it" Great, this was the answer I was hoping for. Jai looked at me doubtfully, then back to Kat "That's all?" She shook her head "Just one more thing: I want her" again she pointed at me, "out of your life, completely! You are throwing her out, delete her number, and make sure that you do not meet again." Jai laughed humorlessly "And how should I do this? She's working for the same studios as I most of the time!" Kat just shrugged "I don't care, you are the famous actor here, do something about it. You will fulfill all my conditions, or the tabloids, the studios, directors, production companies and all your oh so precious fans will learn to know how bad you treated your pregnant ex-girlfriend. I think I can remember how you forced me to get an abortion"

Jai and me were amazed. She was absolutely ready for the utmost. But she wasn't the only one with a plan. Confident that she already won, Kat sat down on Jai's Laptop. "I see, we all agree. I would say you Jai, can call the mover, and I will look out for a real estate agent. And you," again she was pointing at me "go pack up your stuff and get the hell out of here." Neither Jai or me moved an inch. Her cell phone ringed, but she wasn't paying attention. I crossed my Armes in front of my chest and smiled "I think you better should look at that." Annoyed Kat picked up her phone, unlocked it and was cringing instantly. "what... What is that, where did you get this from?" Her once so calm and smug features turned into sheer panic. Now I was grinning from ear to ear. There, on her cell phone, three very revealing party pics of her, drinking heavily just a few days ago, were showing. "Maybe you should be careful when you're out and about."

I showed Jai the same photos on my phone. He stared at them in anger. Suddenly he grabbed Kat by her arms and shoved her out of the door. "Don't you dare ever approaching me again. If I see any of your accusations in public, just a glimpse or rumor going around of this, I swear to god, I sue you into oblivion. I think my lawyer will be very very interested in this." with that, he nearly smacked the door in her face. Jai lends on the closed door. "I can't believe she really tried to blackmail me! But please tell me, where did you get those pictures from?" Smiling I showed him a friends facebook page. "Kat was on a private Party a few days ago, where he was too. I remembered that the moment she said she was about 3 Month pregnant. Even Kat isn't so reckless with an unborn" He hugged me tightly. "Damn girl, you literally saved my life!"

3 weeks later my arm was fully healed. No more surgery was necessary, but a scar would be left. We hadn't heard anything more from Kat, it seems she was too afraid of a lawsuit.

I was just packing my last things, when Jai appears in the doorway, looking a little sad. "It will be very lonely around here without you" I smiled at him "well, now you can do what you want again, no more caretaking for me" Two, three long strides and Jai stood in front of me, tugging me into his Armes. He looked deep into my eyes "Honestly, there is just one thing I want to do right now" The next second his warm, soft lips pressed on mine. Without thinking about it, I kissed back. Jai's Armes sneaked around my back, and his hands gently stroked down till they laid on my hips. Seconds later I ended the kiss breathless and laid my forehead to his. "You have no idea how long I dreamed about this" he whispered softly, stroking my Nose with his. "Please, don't go!" I shook my head slightly "I'm sorry, but I have to" Confused he took a step back. I took his hand and set down on the bed with him. "Look, I want that as much as you do, believe me. But you just came out of a long relationship. Sometimes people fell in a black hole after that, and search for a distraction." Now he nearly went furious. "What do you think of me? I would never... " again I kissed him softly. "Only the best, believe me. I just want us to be on the same page about this." Jai looked at me pleadingly "We are! You aren't a distraction, please believe me!" I caressed his cheek "I do! Look, I'm going to New York for two weeks tomorrow. Let's use this to get clear about our feelings towards each other. Go out to a party, meet other women, do whatever you want, and if your feelings are still the same in two weeks time, you pick me up from the airport, ok?" He nodded. "if that's what you want" "it will be good for both of us."

He went to the door with me, hugged and kissed me one more time lovingly. "I'll see you in two weeks, you won't miss me, I'm the big guy with a bouquet of red roses waiting for you!" I laughed and went back to my apartment.

During my time in NY, we avoid any contact, which was very hard for me, to be honest. I missed Jai and was pretty sure about a relationship with him. The whole flight back home I couldn't think about anything else, couldn't wait to see him again, at the same time, I was terrified that his feelings would have changed.

The moment I arrived at the airport, I looked around for Jai, but couldn't find him. I waited for 10 minutes, then 20, ran around from baggage reclaim to the terminal exit and back, but no sight of him. Devasted I called a Cab and went back to my place. A pity, I was really sure that there was something between us. Tired I laid down on my cold, nearly unfamiliar bed. Just before I fell asleep, I remembered that my phone had died down a few hours ago. I plugged it into the charger and turned it on. Suddenly a dozen missed calls, and even more messages popped up on the screen. Ben, Sophie and oddly enough James, had tried to reach me. When I opened the first message from Ben, my heart stopped working: "(y/n), please call me urgently, Jai had an accident!"...

[la-appel-du-vide]

Lake Powell 2021 🌊

Ohhhhh Lake Powell. What a PLACE!

After we had such a blast last year, we wanted to do another trip this year - especially because now Brady has a Jeep that can tow! We figured it would be cheaper to rent a pair of waverunners in Utah and then drive them down ourselves. Plus, Brayden had NEVER SEEN Lake Powell, which is both crazy and not acceptable. (;

As the summer went on, and the lake levels kept dropping (they're currently the lowest they've been since the lake was originally filled up), we were getting nervous that our trip wouldn't happen. Ramps at Wahweap and Bullfrog were closed and auxiliary ramps had to be used instead - the photos of the ramps so far out of the water are absolutely crazy! Houseboats were encouraged to pull out of the water. Things weren't looking super good. But when the time came to pull the trigger, we took the risk and hoped things would work out. And they did!

We rented two waverunners from a guy in Provo, and that was a horrible experience. We told him we'd be picking them up on Thursday night between 7:30 and 8:30, and he said to give him a 45-minute heads up. We texted him when we were about 35 minutes out, and he didn't even leave until 40 minutes later. He literally did not get there until 9:15. I was livid - we still had a 5-hour drive to Page. On top of that, the waverunners were NOT in good shape. Deep gashes covered in paint/duct tape, one that was missing its registration sticker (literally illegal), one that had no mirrors, neither of them had dry box lids (he tried to tell me that was normal, that they ALWAYS break off on every machine he's ever seen - BS, and I called him on that), they had a tiny amount of storage space, and they were already low on fuel. Perfect. He insisted that we take 6 life jackets, even though we only needed three, so he didn't have to put a special note on the reservation. Annoying. He talked to us about useless information for almost an hour, so we left SO much later than we wanted to, and didn't get to Page until almost 3 AM. Good start to the trip, right?

We stayed in a little townhome Airbnb - it was fine, but a bit outdated (the green carpet was a clear giveaway haha). We got a quick four hours of sleep before we were up again, exhausted, to hit the lake. We stopped by the place Beach and I rented from last year to see if they wouldn't mind giving us a map - we LOVED the map they gave us last year. Clear, helpful, and plastic so getting wet doesn't hurt it. It was awkward though, when I explained we weren't renting from them this year, but certainly would again in the future because we were having a very bad time, but that we'd really love a map again. She gave us one, but didn't seem happy about it. Yikes. Then we stopped at the store to get some snacks for the day, and finally stopped at Maverik to fill the stupid things up. That's where the next sign of trouble occurred - Beach took the turn too sharp and rammed the trailer right into the bollard in front of the gas pump. It was SO loud and shook us all. And yep, it left quite a dent in the trailer. It was still functional, but that's no way to start a day. Morale was quite low for a bit.

But then we finally got to the lake. Much needed. The line wasn't long at all - I think many people are afraid to launch after hearing the things we'd heard. We launched like pros and hit the lake! I was really conscious of enjoying the sun on my skin, the sound of the water, and the way it felt to cruise around the lake. I get so sad at the end of summer, because the warm weather really keeps me going. We went to see the dam, and took an inaugural dip. We LOVE our little dips - always refreshing, and never too cold. Plus, you dry almost immediately when you get out! We drove the channel (insane, of course) down to Antelope Canyon, and then hit a no-wake zone up until we got to a spot to park. Because the lake levels are so low, there's a ton of muck in the water (I'm not sure how that correlates, but it must, because it wasn't like this last year) when you get to the ends of canyons. There was a THICK layer of sticks/debris coming into the Antelope Canyon parking area. Brayden and Beach had to swim us in so we didn't get the machines full of that crap and ruin the engine.

It's amazing how much less crowded it was this year than last year. We only saw a handful of people while we were hiking Antelope - last year, it was pretty packed and we had to do a lot of waiting to get photos. I liked this part of the change haha. It's such a stunning canyon and hike - the beautiful wave patterns along the red rocks are just unreal. It doesn't feel like it's something that could have happened naturally, and it's absolutely mind boggling. We are so lucky to have something like this so close to home, so we can experience the magic so easily. Ugh, I love it. I got a little nauseous on the hike back, because I always do when I don't sleep and then physically exert myself. BUT I didn't throw up, so W! We took a small break to eat an apple, drink some water, and rest in the shade before swimming the waverunners back out through the muck hahah (poor B and Beach - I got a ride). We did have to do some serious work to ensure that the engines were clean and clear of debris before we started them up again, and that was a little stressful, but it all turned out fine.

Then I hopped on with Beach and we drove Navajo Canyon, which is really just one of my favorite things to do. By the time you get to the end (it's pretty long) it smoothes out so nicely, and there is NOTHING better than absolutely cruising on glass water on a waverunner. We were gliding so fast, taking smooth, wide turns through the canyon... gave me absolute life. At one point, Beach hopped on with Brayden and they took a video of me riding side-by-side with them, and it's so great.

Then trouble hit us yet again. My waverunner alarm started going off to alert us of low fuel. We knew it was time to head back to the marina anyway, so we could load them up before it got dark. We started heading out and just decided to take the fastest path back to the marina, because we obviously weren't familiar with these machines and didn't know how far we could get once the gas light was on. We took a right out of Navajo Canyon to go look for the small channel that leads from Warm Creek Bay back to the marina - which we used quite a bit last year. But..... we couldn't find it. I was pretty sure I was losing my mind. We drove that whole bay up and down a couple of times, and I was getting so frustrated by how I could possibly be missing it. Eventually, we stopped by a houseboat to ask where it was, and apparently it's LITERALLY GONE. The entire channel DRIED UP. In the span of a few months. That is WILD. And we'd wasted all the gas I probably even had left looking for something that doesn't exist anymore. So the bad news was, now we'd have to go ALL THE WAY AROUND to get back to the marina. Their gas light was on too now (by the way, the alarm would scare us so bad when it went off, and it lasted like 3 minutes before it would turn off - so annoying) and we figured we would run out of gas before we made it that far. We ended up stopping by another houseboat (a SUPER nice one) to ask if they'd be willing to let us borrow a couple of gallons of gas. They were super nice about it and let us have some. Then we went guns ablazing to try and get back to the marina before it got dark. Going the long way, though, you hit THREE wakeless zones, so it just takes forever. We ended up completely forgoing the rules and flying through them. The sun was setting FAST and it was getting SO DARK. It's definitely not safe to be out there in the "pitch night" hahaha as Beach said. By the time we dropped Beach off to go get the car and trailer, it was literally black outside. I could hardly see anything. Some of the buoys had lights on, which was so helpful, but we still had to be so careful. Our only saving grace was a broken down boat at the bottom of the auxiliary ramp that had a light on, so we could find the ramp in the dark. Loading was difficult, especially once we realized that the roller poles on our trailer were SO LOOSE. We texted the rental guy about what to do and his response was "Lol, guess those need to be tightened." And he suggested we try to tie them on with a rope. SO helpful. All of his stuff was shotty.

But we DID IT. What an adventure. We stopped for dinner at Denny's on the way home, because we looked like hell and hadn't eaten all day. And then we were so exhausted, I'm pretty sure I've never slept deeper. I couldn't even keep my eyes open for a minute.

To be continued...

[justagayguysworld-blog]

Not sure what you will think of this one, but my mind inhabits the most unusual of places.

It was the last beer and we'd shared it on the way to town for another twelve-pack. I barely knew Antonio. He'd only been there a couple of weeks, but it was the damnedest thing I'd ever seen. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, could talk to a horse the way he did. I thought it was a fluke the first time. Then he did it again and I knew it couldn't be natural.

We had a contract with the state for wild mustang management. It wasn't the easiest job in the world, but I liked the outdoors and it beat hell out of watching my old man slap his third or fourth wife around. Maybe Sheila was the fifth; I'd stopped counting or giving much of a shit by that point. For my purposes at nineteen, it was a godsend they'd hired me and paid my bus fare to Utah. We rounded them up, checked them for diseases, tagged them, sold off the limit, gave them their shots and then trucked them back to the desert.

I'd been at the ranch for maybe three months when he came up one night seemingly outta nowhere and sat next to me at the fire. I greeted him in what little Spanish I knew. "Save it, dude. I speak English." And that was that.

One of the stallions was raising bloody hell in the pen and stirring up the other horses. I stood up to see if I could go quiet him down. Antonio braced a hand on my knee and said as he was standing, "Can I borrow that? Thanks." He took the beer out of my hand, turned it up and walked over to the corral with it in his hand. Sitting the bottle on the post, he hopped the fence, picked the bottle up and walked straight over to the hellraiser.

Just walked inside like he owned the place. He was fixing to get trampled to death near as I could tell, when he grabbed that bad boy by his mane and said something. The horse shook its head side to side. Antonio jerked harder on a handful of hair, the horse quieted down and lowered its head. Then the crazy fuck turned up that bottle, and I swear to God, I saw a mustang down the rest of my beer.

Tossing the bottle over, he walked back to the fence and hopped it again like nothing had happened. Picking up the empty he came back to the campfire and said, "Sorry about that. Can I get you another?"

Stunned, I asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

"Horses can smell fear. And some of them like beer." He walked away leaving me gape-jawed and went to the bunkhouse for another round. When he came back with our longnecks, he twisted the lid off one with his forefinger and thumb. I'd never seen anyone do that either.

Bottle in hand, I asked, "Where you from?"

"Can't say exactly. I tend to move around a lot. Guess you could call me a restless spirit." Bending down, he placed the same hand on my knee again to sit like an old man trying to find his bearings and steady himself. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but the chill of his touch radiated through my jeans to my kneecap.

The hand was just as icy when he extended it. "Antonio. What's your name, cowboy?"

"Jason. Jason Sparks. But most people just call me Rufus or asshole. Seems I'm the low man on the totem pole around here."

He laughed and said, "Not anymore. I just blew into town. I'll be working the night shift."

"Night shift? I wasn't aware we had one."

"Yeah, I'm something of a specialist. These positions can be hard to fill. Not everybody can handle an alcoholic horse with bad dreams."

I literally fell off the log laughing. Struggling to get up, Antonio grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me back to an upright position. Without any real effort on my part, I found my ass firmly planted on the log again. If he was superman, I didn't see where he could be hiding the muscles. We were about the same size and weight from what I could tell. He chuckled and mumbled something about horses not being the only alcoholics in those parts.

"I'll drink to that. Let me get us one more beer and then I guess I'll turn in for the night. Where are you bunking?"

"Next to you if there's room still available at the inn. Larry said to grab any empty bed I could find. And yours kind of looked like a mess when I was stowing my gear. But at least it didn't smell like shit."

Stopping to take a piss I wondered how he knew which bed was mine, but in the quest for brewskis I'd forgotten the question by the time I returned. As if reading the mind I was in the process of losing, he stated very matter-of-factly, "You don't smell like a cowboy or a horse with a drinking problem."

Not knowing exactly how to or if I should reply, I thought a moment and said, "Generally speaking, I don't go around smelling cowboys or their sheets, and I damned sure ain't smelling a horse's breath to see if they've been drinking."

He must've sensed my unease. Clinking his bottle against mine, he offered, "Sorry, I have a really weird nose. It smells the strangest damned things. Guess that's why I'm good with the horses. I smell what they smell."

"Ain't nothing wrong with your nose, Antonio," I blurted out. "You have a real nice nose. Most of these ugly old bastards have had their's broken in so many bar fights, I don't really want to think about it, much less how they smell."

Bumping his shoulder against mine, he clinked his nearly empty bottle to mine and said, "Yeah, I'll take loving over fighting any time I can. Probably why I get along with the horses and avoid divorces.

We had minimal contact after that. Other than rolling over or the occasional fart, I didn't hear much out of him for the next two weeks. Except in my dreams if I'm going to be perfectly damned honest about this. And generally speaking, I didn't have much of a habit dreaming about other men, at least not in that way. But there he was, more than once, pretty damned specifically. If I'd been anyone else, it would've been hard to ignore. Only I'd learned to master any direct concern for my actual feelings, and dick management had never been an issue for me personally.

The crew I was working was out on range management. I'd barely been back to the place long enough to sleep, much less for fireside chitchat. Then Saturday night came, we were going to take a couple days off and there he was. Just like in my damned dreams. I have no reason to lie. It was disconcerting when I saw him sprawled out there next to the fire. Not a care in the world, acting as if he'd grown up right out of the ground on that very spot, he smiled.

Looking me directly in the eye as if he hadn't invaded my dreams, he said casually as a cousin, "Hey Jason Sparks, if you're going to the house, could you grab me another cold one?" It had been a particularly hard week, I was bone-ass tired and his nose still wasn't broken in six different places. Two beers later we were left alone with a raging fire and the feelings I was experiencing that matched that blaze. I really wanted to kick his ass. Antonio had seriously fucked with my head, and he didn't seem to know or at least care.

He got up for the third round. It wasn't my knee he touched that sent icy shivers up my spine this time. It was my thigh. About three inches below the part that separates the men from the boys. Close enough for discomfort, I met his glaze and that fire was dancing in his eyes. His nose still wasn't broken, but the quiet smirk on his face made me seriously think about rearranging it.

Fucker scratched my head as he walked away like I was some kind of damned puppy in love. Brought back another round and said, "These are the last ones, Jason Sparks. Let's polish them off and make a run into town. I'm still thirsty. If you'll drive, I'll buy."

That was the night and I guess the moment that changed or ended my life. Something deep inside me could hear it slowly rumbling. I'd seen it in those dreams. I simply didn't have the power to say no or the least of will to fight him. And we weren't struggling. I guess that was what's so odd about it. Everything in my body and soul knew it was happening, even if my conscious mind was slow in catching up. I wanted him. I'd be the worst kind of liar if I said I didn't. And I knew he knew it.

He took my hand and pulled me up off the ground. I could've just as easily staggered to my feet of my own accord. But he wanted that ice running through my veins clashing with my toasted toes inside those boots. And I felt it. Felt it thoroughly as we climbed in the truck and started the motor. Only once did he touch my body on the way to the store. It was completely casual and anything but innocent as the shivers raced up and down my spine.

He went in and came out. I felt very strange. Almost in an out-of-body floating feeling I drove away into the darkness of the rural night. I still remember. It was as vivid, quiet and unstoppable as a freight train bearing down on the family sedan stalled on the side of the tracks.

"Pull over." I could've kept driving, but the truth was that I'd pulled over two weeks before. "I said pull over, Jason Sparks." He didn't have to ask again. And the truth, as he very well knew, is that I'd been wanting to pull over my whole life. The cab of the truck was full of echoes and whispers as I floated above my body while it and he crawled into the back seat. Voices were everywhere, the engine was running and for the first time in my life I didn't give a damn.

I thought in some delirious way I was about to kiss a boy, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it at all. My feelings, those secreted desires weren't important. We weren't boys. I'd become a man without realizing or acknowledging it, and that brief period of my life was about to end abruptly.

It was brutal. How could I possibly forget when he folded down the lambswool collar of my jacket and sunk his teeth into my flesh? I could've fought him off, but I'd already struggled my whole life to be something different than what I was. Antonio was reconciling my conflicts, meeting my innermost longings and he'd bought the beer.