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11 Years

(Should've written this post yesterday, but my light sensitivity was too bad to look at a screen much.)

Happy anniversary, Beloved!

I can't believe it's been over a decade now, but somehow, it has.

I love you.

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I love the use of the phrase 'some strange alchemy' as a descriptor for a process you don't understand.

'Through some strange alchemy(crochet) they turned a bundle of yarn into a stuffed giraffe'

'Through some strange alchemy(bad cooking) they turned a perfectly marinated steak into a charcoal briquet'

'Through some strange alchemy(good cooking) they turned a pile of slop into the fluffiest bread loaf I'd ever seen'

'Through some strange alchemy(bad reading comprehension) they took my polite statement and turned into a disgusting act against the poor'

and so on

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Big fan of sun motifs in characters not necessarily being about positivity and happiness and how they're so " bright and warm" but instead being about fucking brutal they are.

Radiant. A FORCE of nature that will turn you to ash. That warmth that burns so hot it feels like ice. Piercing yellow and red and white. A character being a Sun because you cannot challenge a Sun without burning alive or taking everything down with them if victorious.

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And sometimes the insults that get hurled at you are so outdated with the current Discourse that you have to laugh.

"you just want to fuck Tom Hiddleston as Loki"

It is 2024; this was the thing being yelled about back when I was getting started, which was in 2013.

Respectfully, just say you don't believe Gods can have romantic feelings for mortals (they can and have) (how do you not know this) (ffs I can't have anything nice without someone making me feel bad about it)

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thinking about planting trees you will not rest in the shade of and no man is an island. that for all the seeds we plant and the saplings we nurture we still have to trust in the soil and the roots and the rain. I don't know. to tend a garden for a future you will not see feels like such a lonely sentiment. strange to think that even an activity so reliant on the world around you has become so individualized. it's Your garden and Your seeds but i don't think any good gardener would lay claims to the earth over the worms. it's all communication. I don't think the future without you has to forsake the present where you can take respite in the rain

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Thank you!

Hilariously, the pre-surgery physical was the day *after* my anniversary. Which went just as smoothly as the eye appointment did.

And the surgery itself is on a Wednesday. Because of course it is.

I finally have a surgery date for my cataract!

Pre-surgery appointment for eye measurement, consultation, and all kinds of other eye things is October 28.

The day before my anniversary with the Blind King.

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I hope none of you disappear in the coming days. Seriously don't do anything that can't be undone.

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It’s important to create routine experiences with no time limit. How often do you savor the extended present? What happens if you stop rushing and setting unnecessary deadlines? Let yourself linger a little longer. Move like an animal. Remove the illusion that things won’t get done… maybe you’ll be surprised to find you have more energy to do them if you prioritize simple enjoyment. Just a thought…

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She is knife-hearted; she is moon-footed.

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Happy 8th anniversary, Beloved.

The past year has had some absolutely *wild* changes, and I'm still staring at you stunned at that promise of "clarity" involving my eyesight.

I thought you were talking about metaphors. And here we are, eye surgery less than a month away, and a proper diagnosis of all this vision bullshit on top of it.

I love you, my Blind King.

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monks debating whether vows of silence should still allow you to leave emoji reacts on the monastery groupchat

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probably the best advice I've ever got was from my grandpa when I moved from my town and started a university, he told me to leave the house everytime when I start to feel down, just to go to the park, a supermarket, a bookstore, to even drive in a bus or tram, just be around other people because staying at home all the time kills you; and you know he was right

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"you should cut out coffee and sugar" or i could enjoy being alive how's that

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Peachtober day 9: Apricot

[image description: a watercolor painting of a box of apricots, depicted from above - looking directly down into the box, which fills the entire frame. the apricots are painted in bright oranges and reds, with deep blue shadows. /end i.d.]

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eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

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Day 12 - celestial