#a mistake or forgetting something is obviously normal

[smiletimeisrunningout]

4 / 5 / 17 for the munday meme!

@rhogeminid I love you and I'm so sorry that I ended up writing such long answers

Favourite thing about roleplaying?

The cooperative part of it in which we both surprise each other, and not just with each other's muses but with our own doing whatever the hell they want. For example us deciding to have an angsty NO I CAN'T BE WITH YOU thread and then your muses say exactly the right word that makes Emma go 'actually I'm changing my mind' which makes me go WHAT? and then yours says something that makes yours go DID YOU SEE, DID YOU READ, WHAT HAPPENS NOW and then Emma says something stupidly romantic and we are both all OH MY GOD IT'S HAPPENING EVERYBODY CALM DOWN

That part. The part where we left the characters follow their personalities instead of the planned plots and surprise each other, or answer memes in a way that the other person wasn't expecting and hit each other in the feels... and then come yelling at one another? I can't find that in writing fanfiction, though of course people yelling in the comments come close, but it's just... not the same. I can't surprise myself as much and it's more solitary to me than roleplaying is. Having the other person respond whether ic or ooc with some yelling is my favorite thing ever because we are having fun together!

Least favourite thing about roleplaying?

Don't open this box I'm such a salty person.

There are so many things I'm needlessly fight-y about that it's hard to pick the least favorite lol I'd say that I don't like when people don't read rules/about pages, because the roleplay community talks a lot about how we are all a bit anxious/insecure etc to explain why we don't talk much anymore (and btw I am too, but I also know that for anxious people not responding much is one way to reject the other person, so I push through and then give up if the other person never tries to initiate or sounds legit pissed off that I'm writing to them) and yet it's okay to not read rules and forcing a person to have to do the more embarrassing thing of saying, for example, 'I don't want to roleplay with that muse' (to a multimuse) or 'I don't want to ship that because he's mean to her/doesn't even seem to like her' or 'I'm sorry I'm not into that fandom anymore'. Like, I feel way more anxiety and annoyance at having to re-say things I wrote down EXACTLY TO AVOID THAT, because we are all very much socialized to just go along with it, than I do at pushing myself to ignore the thought that I'm annoying the other person if I go to plot with them so that we can actually write. If you aren't 'in the mood' to read long pages don't follow a blog with long rules. A game is only fun when you don't make the other players uncomfortable. And non mutuals trying to rp fall into this category too! Also because if I roleplay with one X character doesn't mean I'll roleplay with all portrayals of X character, or that I want to roleplay with all the muses that the person writing X character has, or with every similar character to X, so just... read rules, people!

Least favourite trope?

Now let's be clear, we are just talking about what's fun to me, there is no moral judgment here because it's just a matter of 'I like coffee you like tea', but the trope where the man 'finally' shuts up the woman who has a loud personality or is fighty or whatever to return to the status quo of her letting him take the lead because he's really good at kissing her or more, and it's clear that she's just yapping but has no real power in the relationship, instead of it being a 'we cooperate and like each other'? I'm trying to stay on the safe side of tumblr right now but... the concept that you can have male characters be stubborn and loud or fun and if they soften up for love it's so cool meanwhile with a woman this trope becomes putting her in her place because ultimately the man must be in charge? Nope. No. I'm not writing any of my female muses as secretly just wanting a man to take the lead, or as being their mindless cheerleaders who just cry if the man does something bad or beg him to change, but have no decisional power. And you have no idea of how many times in the past I've found myself writing other female muses who were way angrier/figthy and the male muse's intention was to in the end prove they were stronger so they'd stop being like that, or expect Emma who is all sunshiney to be just a supporting character. So I guess my least favorite trope is 'one member of the couple is just a supporting character to the other instead of an equal and specifically the woman if strong must learn that she's never going to be the one making the calls'.

I see it a lot LESS around tumblr now though, which is a relief (been here since 2012). It's why I'm so strict with who I interact with and who I ship with even if it's hard to tell nowadays, but I'm not picking any trope that will result in Emma being muted, like her when she's dumb or leave her.

[petrichoravis]

But you peeked right over somehow | s.r

summary: your disbelief in love has always held you back from a relationship with Spencer, but you think it's time to be brave now.

word count: 2k

warnings: reader is avoidant and makes some weird decisions, but, like, be nice to her please, she's scared; mentions of avoidant attachment style, toxic relationships (someone having made r feel stupid and worthless in the past) and of parents fighting, but nothing detailed; reader is also mentioned to be drunk once, but it’s in past tense and it’s really just the word mentioned. English is not my first language.

a/n: the pictures are obviously no indication of how reader looks, they are just there to make this all look pretty and aesthetically pleasing. I've tried my best not to describe any physical appearance of reader. reader means a lot to me, I hope you’ll like her. Also, the gorgeous!! dividers are not mine, all credits to @/enchanthings-a on tumblr. The title is from 'circling' by tiny habits

You didn't believe in love—not the one in the movies, anyway. Your sad attempts at it have always ended with you feeling lonelier than before and your parents… well, let's just say they're not the best example either. So you built the walls higher and higher, placing brick upon brick, so no one would be able to look over them.

Until you met Spencer.

He has nested himself between the bricks like wisteria and has been so impossibly stubborn, but so kind about it, too. Never asking for more than the few fleeting moments you had. To the point were you weren't even sure if you wanted to rid yourself of him anymore.

You had met him at a reading of your favourite book a few years ago. You had forgotten your book on your seat and he had ran out and handed it back to you, a white piece of paper with messy handwriting in black ink slipped in between the pages. I like your taste in books, maybe you could recommend me some:). it had said, with his number on the bottom.

You had been friends for a while after that, because you always blocked his attempts of turning what you had into more.

Until one drunken mistake on your side turned into two and the two of you decided that: friends kiss, right? (Well, you decided it, Spencer was just happy to go along with whatever you were most comfortable with.)

For a while you convinced yourself that whatever you were feeling—the butterflies in your stomach, the way your heart was racing every time he touched you—was just lust. It was easier than admitting that you were falling hopelessly in love with him.

So when you woke up this morning, in your bed with him sleeping next to you, you couldn't help but watch him. The way the soft morning light, shining through the silk curtains, drew shapes onto his skin, the way his brown curls framed his face. You just hardly resisted the urge to reach out and touch him, your hand curling into a fist so hard that your nails dug half-moon shapes into your palm.

You got up after a few moments. Quietly, so you wouldn’t wake him. He landed in Virginia late after a case, but still decided to come over to your apartment, because he had forgotten something there. You ended up, self-sabotagingly, inviting him to stay the night and now you were here; with an angel in your bed and a devil on your shoulder.

You tip-toed into your kitchen, finally being able to breathe a little louder. Leaning onto the counter, hanging your head, you felt pathetic. This wasn't how things go for you, normally. You didn't pine and, even worse, yearn (you gagged at just the thought) for men like you were right now.

Then again, Spencer was far from normal.

And because of that, your heart was racing and you caught yourself, more often than not, at the bookstore in the classic section, asking yourself if Spencer had that copy of war and peace already. He probably did.

You scoff at yourself. Maybe you just needed to go to the club again. Cleanse yourself of this feeling. Forget about him and his stupid brown eyes, the way his hands feel when they— Stop.

"Are you okay?" A sleepy voice asks from the doorway.

You turn slowly. Spencer was still in his oversized gray sleep shirt, the fabric worn-out and thin. His hair a mess of brown, soft curls. God, get it together.

"Yeah," you mumble, "just…headaches."

He steps closer, careful, as if not to startle you. "Do you need anything? Ibuprofen?"

"No, I'm okay. Thank you."

He nods, but his eyes search your face. It’s clear that he knows something is off—he's a profiler, after all. He smoothes his hand over your wooden counter top and you wish so badly that those calloused hands were running over your skin instead.

"Breakfast?" You croak, already turning around and rummaging the cabinets for two mugs.

A hand finds your wrist, turning you around with a gentleness you're not sure you deserve. You pull away quickly, as if his touch burned you.

He frowns a little, but doesn't comment on it. "I'd love breakfast," he pauses, "Can you talk to me? Please?"

His idiotically big puppy-dog eyes and the way his hand feels on your skin makes you want to kiss him stupid.

So you do, impulsively. Kissing him was so much better than answering his questions and he might forget, as a good side affect—

Spencer pushed against your shoulders gently, untangling your lips from another after indulging for a short second—he was just a man, after all.

He knew that you were only kissing him to distract from the topic at hand and he also knew, that he would forget about this conversation too quickly if he let you.

"Not that I don't love kissing you, but something is bothering you and I want to understand what it is. So can you please talk to me?"

"About what?" You try and he looks at you, disbelieving.

"Come on—" he says your name, and it's so soft, "You've always been careful with the idea of an relationship with me, but it's been getting worse. You tense up every time I touch you and tip-toe around me. I just want to know if I did something to upset you. I want to fix it."

Your skin is crawling with his rejection of the kiss and you can't help the words of defensiveness bursting out of you. "You can't always fix everything, Spencer. I'm not just another case to solve."

Spencer doesn’t even flinch. "I know you're not. I'm sorry, my wording was off. I know something happened to you in the past and you need it slow and that's okay. I never pushed and I'm not pushing right now, but I want to understand what it is, what's going on in your head."

He was being so, so kind. You felt like crying. "Nothing! Nothing is going on in my head, just—" You feel like an animal in a cage, ready to chew off your foot to get out of the trap.

Spencer lets his hands drop from your shoulder to his side again, knowing you well enough to know that touch may not be comforting to you right now.

The gesture grounds you, reminds you that you are talking to kind, gentle Spencer, that he is only worried about you. So you try to reel back, trying your best to be just as kind, to be deserving of him. But you're a viper full of venom and you're sure you might never be able to purge it from your body enough to ever deserve him.

"I'm sorry." You whisper, looking down at your miss-matched socks.

"It's okay. I understand." He's not sure what to do. An aggressive UnSub was nothing in comparison to you being uncomfortable and him being unable to help. "We don't have to talk about it. We can eat breakfast and I'll tell you about the stars again."

His lips quirk a little as you laugh, even if it was just the smallest sound, it was something.

"No, it's okay. I—" You have been knocking on Spencer's door and running away before he could welcome you in for too long. You have decided that you're ready to pass the doorstep now.

Your therapist has advised you to get out of comfort zone more, anyway, and if Spencer leaves after this conversation, at least you can go back to not believing in love. "I figured I had to tell you at some point. If I really wanted this to be a thing."

You gesture between the two of you at the last part, voice dropping to a quieter tone and you look up at him though your lashes without lifting your head.

He looks surprised. That's okay. You'll just laugh and pretend it was a joke—

"Yeah," he steps closer, brushing hair out of your face, "if that's what you want. I’m not forcing you to."

"I know you're not." You sigh, closing your eyes as his fingertips brush against your jaw. "Truth is, nothing really happened. I guess I've just had rotten luck in love."

The hair tie you're wearing on your wrist is suddenly so interesting and you chew on your lip to have something to do with your mouth, otherwise you'd just blurt out everything he wants to know.

"My parents have been fighting more than they haven't since I've been really young. Nothing too bad, but it was obvious that they weren't in love. I doubt they ever were."

Spencer doesn't say anything, choosing to let you finish without comment. He knows what's coming, he's been through it, too. Parents who fight, relationships that fail, never feeling loved in the way the movies show you. It can make you feel hopeless.

"I was a late bloomer, I guess. I've had my first relationship at twenty-two. Not that I cared, I had convinced myself that I didn't want love at that point, anyway. So when I did find it… I was elated. I thought, yes! finally it's my turn. Well, they hurt me quite badly, made me feel bad for everything that I didn't know, like—like they were better than me. Maybe they were, I don't know, it doesn't matter."

Ouch. Spencer thought. No one deserves that. Much less you. His hands find your wrist again and his thumb slides over your pulse point.

"They're not." He says with so much conviction that you have no choice but to believe him. "Someone who makes people feel bad for trying to learn things is not, in any way, better than the person who is trying."

You shake your head. "No, it's okay. I— yeah. It's whatever. It just hurt in that moment."

You do that a lot, Spencer notes, pushing your feelings onto your past-self like they don't affect you now, when he knows they do. Or else you wouldn't be here.

"I did go on a few date after that," you continue after a short pause, "but I kept myself locked away pretty tightly. Never let it go further than the third date. A few years later, when I let someone else in, it got quite toxic, quite quickly. From both sides. We were dependent and avoidant at the same time. They were just…they showed me off a lot and were so gentle and kind, but I realised after a while that it was just their way of making sure I stayed. And I…I started feeling trapped and accused them of some pretty messed up stuff. We didn't make it really far after that."

Tears start building on your lash line and you look at the ceiling, begging them to stay buried. That was your tell, Spencer knew it too well. He brushed his thumb under your eyes.

"You don't have to." He murmurs.

"I'm almost done." You promise and look at him for the first time since you started the story. "I didn't have any serious relationships after that, just…harmless flirting, but I was too scared to let myself fall again. I never felt loved enough, I guess…or I was just selfish and greedy."

Spencer shakes his head. "You deserve the love you want." Ducking his head, he makes sure you're looking at him. "That's not selfish."

"I think I did." You whisper with the shyness of a high-school kid, eyes searching between his. "Find it, I mean."

The corners of Spencer's mouth lift into his wonderful smile and for once in your life you know you've said the right thing.

"Lucky me." He answers, wrapping an arm around your shoulder, pulling you against him gently.

"Yeah. Lucky." You breathe out, wrapping your arms around his waist. It was clear that you don't quite know just how lucky someone must be to have you in their life and Spencer was going to work hard to make sure you will.

You bury your face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. "Thank you." You whisper.

"Don't thank me yet." He chuckles softly, his warm breath tickling the top of your head. You melt into him at his words, as if his stupid joke had a magical soothing effect. Of course you'd thank him. You won't stop thanking him for being him until you were six feet under.

"I'm sorry for snapping. I just—"

"Don't. It's okay. You don't need to explain yourself to me." He says, earnestly, into your hair.

"I know I don't. It wasn't fair of me, though."

"Maybe. But better unfair and raw, than fair and polished. I want you, un-performing."

You sigh into his shoulder. Being open was hard when you've been burnt for it before and you knew there was much to overcome, but you didn't doubt one bit, that you could overcome every hurdle with the help of Spencer. Step by step growing on your walls together. Wisteria and ivy.

a/n: please don't hesitate to send me your thoughts and show support by re-blogging, commenting and liking if you liked the fic!!

[sacrificiallane]

﹙ 𝒮tealing girlfriends 𓂃 PERCY JACKSON

about mortal!reader finally meets Anni ♡ & Percy gets huffy

When Annabeth had asked him to finally meet you ― after a whole summer of him mentioning your name at any given situation ... ( which went a little something like : 'reader loves this color!' and 'reader would say...' and not to forget 'if reader were here...' ) ― Percy was yet not terrified. However, Percy did become terrified when Leo Valdez ( out of nowhere !!) mentioned to never ever have your girlfriend meet your best girl friend.

When the son of Poseidon had cluelessly asked 'why', he was almost in for a smacking! Because how could he not know why.

Obviously ― or so Leo Valdez explained ― you ( his sweet mortal girl ) would mistake Annabeth ( his witty best friend ) as someone to look out for! And ... maybe his description frightened Percy just a little bit ... not that he would ever admit it! No, he had just rolled his eyes at the dramatics, and ― in clear spite of Leo's 'warning' ― promised Annabeth to speak to you and arrange something.

And now ... well, now he just felt like an idiot for worrying about you at all! In fact, he should've been worried about other things instead. Like... loosing his girlfriend to his best friend !! (He was really just being dramatic ...)

Giggles were filling the surrounding air, and Percy watched with a large frown when Annabeth laughed at the cute little noises. Your cute little noises! His mood only dampened when the blonde reached for your hand again, tugging you along like you've known each other for a lifetime! It was maddening to the demigod, and he grumbled to himself. Who would've even guessed that a mortal girl ― his mortal girl! ― would fall so easily into a routine with ... Annabeth Chase! Not him, to be honest.

He's already seen you timid, quiet ... maybe even a little uncomfortable. I mean, Annabeth could be a lot! Especially when she nerded out. Percy had even warned you in advance that Anni liked to talk a lot. About structures, and anything Greek, and that it was totally okay if you didn't like anything like that! But now, it almost felt silly..., because you were doing great! Amazing even. Much better than himself ...

"Can i please have my girlfriend back ?" His tone was pouty ... and so unlike him! Percy hardly ever got jealous, ever! Because... well, you never even looked at anyone but him. But, here you were, seemingly having more fun with his best friend, than himself! The son of Poseidon was just trailing behind you both at this point, feeling like he was the third wheel (He was just being dramatic again)

The blonde girl only rolled her eyes, fingers laced with yours as she tugged a still laughing you along by your hand. "You have her all the time."

Percy gasped in offense! Eyes only narrowing further when you didn't seem the slightest concerned about so clearly abandoning him. In fact, you looked like you were having the time of your life! He pouted again. "Well, duh! She's my girlfriend. Get your own !" He knew it was very unreasonable to get jealous! But he even said please :( His hand already felt cold... his heart yearned for you !!

"You can hold my other hand, Percy," You were all smiley, left-hand making grabbing motions at him when Annabeth further dragged you down another hall of the museum. Half of the time you didn't even know what she was saying ... but you listened with a smile, genuinely interested in what she had to say, and maybe that's just why his best friend already felt so utterly comfortable with you. (Not that he really, truthfully minded any of this. Anni seemed so happy here ... getting to play normal girl with normal friends)

Before he could even attempt to reach for your outstretched hand, Annabeth made a little detour, squealing in delight at something and practically yanking you with her. Percy only groaned, reluctantly following the both of you down the hall.

Annabeth couldn't get into detail about ... a lot of things, actually (which he knew she hated!) You weren't yet aware of his, uh ... 'other life'. As far as your knowledge went, Percy Jackson went to summer camp every other summer, and that's how he met Annabeth. Both hated using phones ..., which, fair enough, you didn't really question. You thought she was quite smart, and Percy easily agreed (making Anni avert her gaze with a slight embarrassed blush spreading over her face).

You weren't dumb, either, and Percy knew that ... at least a little later, you must've noticed 'strange' things. Like, Annabeth easily reading off a Greek pamphlet, or making fun of 'inaccurate' paintings of the gods. But if you did notice, you didn't comment on it. And so the day slowly came to an end...

Annabeth promised to visit you next time. She even gave you her phone number, saying she would make an 'exception' and definitely reach out to you. You hugged each other and only let go when your boyfriend practically pulled you two apart, huffing about finally getting some much-needed attention now that you were going home. (Jokes aside, Percy was so glad that his best friend got along well with his girlfriend. He wasn't sure what would've happened if you didn't stand each other...)

During the bus ride home, he didn't let go of your hand ♡ Not even when you made it through his door and ended your day comfortably spooning underneath his blanket. At your question why Annabeth seemed so invested in Greek Mythology, Percy merely shrugged. Your fingers drew patterns against his arm, and he only squeezed you tighter. He knew that some day he would have to tell you about this crazy life of his ... but for now, he'd be content with just holding you.

𓂃 🖊 more .

[5-htagonist]

ADHD TIPS: FOR THE NONMEDICATED AND THE MEDICATED

obviously, ADHD is not the same for everyone who has it. if you dont have ADHD, or aren't sure, but experience issues with executive function, memory, impulsivity, and emotional regulation, these tips can still be helpful!!!

practice radical self forgiveness

keep a notebook/journal

give your items a home

keep baskets, boxes, and bins, especially clear/mesh or anything that lets you see whats in it.

buy fruits/veggies/anything that spoils super quick the day youre going to use it

keep a list of easy meals

keep a trash receptacle in Every room

when you notice something dirty piling up, clean for just 5 minutes

do NOT worry about completing necessary chores. just do a little

if you need it frequently, keep it in sight, but off the floor if you can.

check under your bed, couch, or other corners where stuff can pile up when you get that random energy spike.

take a multivitamin, and cut down on soda (or other highly sugary food/beverages) if youre able. seriously!

specifically for the medicated!

take your meds, go to bed, and wake up at around the same time every day.

being vitamin deficient can make your medicine less effective. magnesium, B vitamins, omega 3s, and vitamin D might help. if you dont eat a lot of fruits, veggies, and fish, you are likely deficient in these at least.

stay. hydrated. For the love of god

try things you had trouble doing before medication

dont expect medicine to fix you

dont blame medicine for all of your improvement

no 2 people are the same, and what works for me might not work for you. i am likely on the spectrum, and i wasnt medicated at all for my ADHD until i was 17, and i wasnt on the right medicine until i was 21. i would recommend keeping that in mind while considering my tips!!

i will elaborate on these tips under the cut!

practice radical self forgiveness

i think this is the most important of all of these tips, which is why i put it first. i know its easy to look down on ourselves for our disability. but you must acknowledge this: you are disabled. you have a disability. you cannot hold yourself to the "normal" standard. more than likely, you grew up in an environment that didnt teach you how to navigate the world as you are, either. thats okay! we must teach ourselves.

try to view yourself as both the teacher/parent, and the child. when you forget something important, or make a careless mistake, or give into impulses, or say youll do it later and dont, or go too long without a bath, or let the trash pile up, you have to be kind to yourself. the child within you needs it. these things simply dont come naturally to us.

you must apologize to yourself as the child: im sorry i didnt pick up the trash. i know it makes the place dirty, and overwhelming. i will do my best to improve. i love you. you must forgive yourself as the parent: its okay, pumpkin. i forgive you. i know you didnt mean to make me overwhelmed, or to invite dirt into the home. i will help you improve. i love you. you also must do the reverse, apologize as the parent: im sorry, child. i did not teach you how to know you should pick up the trash. i did not teach you to recognize dirt. i will do better, and i will help you as best i can. i love you. forgive as the child: i forgive you. i know you are doing your best to lead me, and teach me what you know. you werent taught to pick up and see dirt either, were you? as long as you support and love me, we can figure it out together. i love you.

i know, to think this way can feel infantilizing sometimes. and its much harder to teach ourselves these habits. if its available, its okay to ask for help. just dont be too hard on yourself when your disability impairs your ability to be "normal." our habits die harder than most. even if you forget to maintain a habit, just do it when you remember.

2. keep a notebook/journal

i know, i know... every ADHDer HATES this tip. but it seriously works. dont hold yourself to a rigid standard when using it. i prefer dot grid journals, so i can write notes, or sketch, or make lists, or otherwise neatly divide pages how i wish, rather than it being blank/horizontally lined.

i dont keep a to do list all the time, i dont journal every day, i dont even look at the thing every day. there is no right way to use your journal. i use mine for many things at once: if i forget a notebook for class, or my laptop dies, i put my class notes in there. i put random doodles, layouts, oc pages, Big Feelings, and weekly/daily plans/to do lists. i dont obsessively keep up with it, or update it every day.

i DO use it when i feel overwhelmed. if i feel like 50 different things need to be done in 3 different domains and i dont know where to start, i write them down as i think of them. here is my typical order of operations (it took me a while to figure this out. i struggle deeply with prioritization.)

first, i write everything down i can think of that that moment. second, i label them necessary, important, and least important. third, i label how long they take (most time, some time, least time) finally, i start with the most important one that is the least overwhelming

now, i dont have an easy time labeling importance and time taken, of course. that can be the hardest part. but i dont worry so much about accuracy of my labels. i havent got it all down because i will almost always prioritize schoolwork over housework and hygiene, but we cant be perfect. the MOST important thing is always your health and safety.

dont worry about finishing a todo list, either. the most important thing is getting stuff you can forget on paper where you can look back at it when youre overwhelmed. you should keep your journal somewhere you access frequently or can see it.

also, the journal helps with big feelings. if youre feeling that white hot anger, the itching impulsivity, or rejection sensitivity, or anything that makes you think "i cant do this," start jotting words or pictures down. it can be anything. this will help when you feel that feeling the next time. we often get stuck in loops because we dont remember what caused a feeling or conflict, so we make the same mistakes. when you write it down, you can take your own word for it when you make a mistake. this makes it easier to recognize when youre falling into a pattern, and makes it easier to change your response.

3. give your items a home

if you arent constantly using something, or go more than a day without using it, send it home. an objects home is just somewhere it comes back to when its not needed, so that it isnt taking up space where it isnt needed. things like snacks, laundry (clean and dirty), art/craft/hobby materials, coats, electronics, plushies, anything. personify your stuff just a little bit- if you cant use it anymore, it cant find a home with you-- you have to send it on trash vacation. your coat wants to go home! pick it up and take it there when you can. its okay if that home isnt permanent, or if you lack materials/money to create a proper home. our coatrack is a chair right now, which is a much comfier home than the floor.

4. keep baskets, boxes, and bins, especially ones that are see through/visible

this helps you give your items a home. if you buy storage, get something stackable too, but even a cardboard box works. keep like objects together! and keep them near what theyre used for.

5. buy fruits/veggies/anything that spoils quickly the day youre going to use it

its sooo tempting to try to eat healthy and save money by stocking your fridge full of healthy produce and raw meat, but unfortunately i know how much money we waste forgetting/not having the energy to use them. if you need a fresh fruit, veggie, or meat, for something you are definitely planning on cooking, buy it the day of. if you have something in your fridge you dont think youre going to use before it rots or molds, stick it in the freezer!!!

also, frozen and canned fruits, veggies, and meats are just as good as fresh. they stay good for so long you dont have to worry about it going bad.

6. keep a list of easy meals

things that you can get down your gullet easily, and prepare easily. 1 pan meals, sandwiches, hotdogs, hot pockets, instant oatmeal, canned meals. i typically keep instant oatmeal and those tuna creations packets, as well as club/ritz crackers. also, skillet meals like velveeta skillets and hamburger helper are awesome, just keep some frozen ground beef (or meat of your choice) and youre good to go!

also, eggs last for MUCHHHH longer than the sell by date. i have had eggs 3 months past the date (note im american so they are under refrigeration) that were still good, but obviously that long past the date you should do a sniff test after breaking an egg. eggs are awesome in terms of ease of prep. heat your pan up to temp before cooking and they wont stick so bad. use cheese or milk to make a desirable texture for scrambled eggs or omlettes. dont forget salt and pepper (necessary...) you can also stir an egg and peanut butter into instant ramen for some actual nutrition. i also keep onion powder, paprika, and cayenne for yummy eggs.

in the egg vein, french toast is extremely easy and filling, and will sate a sweet tooth with some syrup!

7. keep a trash receptacle in every room

it doesnt have to be big, but having a designated trash spot in your bedroom is super helpful

8. when you notice something dirty piling up, clean for just 5 minutes

you dont have to clean to completion, thats overwhelming!!! but when you see something gross or messy and it bothers you, just take a couple minutes and pick up a little. play a song and tidy until the end of it! cleaning isnt all or nothing!

9. do not worry about completing chores, just do a little

in the same vein as the last one, the most important thing is getting the ball rolling. cleaning can be really hard because of the overwhelm of how bad it is. you can make it less bad a little at a time!

something ill do is sort out and scrape off the dishes before even thinking about doing them. that way, they take up less space and it doesnt look quite as bad. then next time i come to them, i do a bit more. or ill pick up the dirty laundry off the floor, then ill put it next to the washing machine, then ill wash/dry. i dont worry about folding and putting away unless im up for it-- its more important that theyre clean at all.

10. if you need it frequently, keep it in sight, but off the floor if you can.

remember, the floor is the stuff killer! if it must be on the floor, designate a spot.

11. check under the bed, couch, chairs, and piles if you have a random energy spike

i have found so much stuff i didnt even realize i lost. this also prevents pests and the accumulation of dirt.

12. take a multivitamin and cut down on soda (or other highly sugary foods) if youre able. seriously!

in high school i tried eating low-carb for a while. i didnt maintain this diet, but what i did maintain was not drinking soda regularly. when i say my head cleared and i felt less groggy, i mean it. if youre in the position, pay attention to the amount of sugars in what you eat and drink.

i know the "eat well" advice is given out too much, but nutrition seriously matters. if you care to work on your nutrition, do not worry about fat, carbs, or anything like that. just cut down on how often you eat highly sugary foods. you will feel so much better just from that. i have a sody pop as a treat every now and then and i have a whole other appreciation for it :-)

for the medicated:

take your meds, wake up, and go to bed around the same time

your body works on a schedule whether you want it to or not. pay attention to this schedule and try to work with it. when do you usually get tired? when do you prefer to wake up? when do you usually use the bathroom? this goes for nonmedicated people, too. your body will thank you!

2. vitamin deficiency can make medicine less effective. magnesium, B vitamins, vitamin D, and omega 3s can help.

these vitamins are all harmless, except for magnesium, which can slow your heart rate and cause shallow breathing IN HIGH DOSES. luckily, stimulants tend to deplete vitamins/electrolytes like magnesium, which can cause twitches and spasms. dont get large doses of these, 100% daily value is just fine.

3. for the love of god stay hydrated

imagine you are a machine and water is lubricant. stimulants suck up this lubricant to make you run more effectively. however, without extra, the machine will still run like shit. try to drink a whole glass with your medicine, and keep a cup to fill thru the day.

4. try things you had trouble with before medication

its super easy to get discouraged from something when you feel like a failure! try it again now! it may be easier. be sure to give yourself praise for what you do! your effort, your success, anything! this will teach your brain to see stuff through and help you feel and be more competent!

5. dont expect medicine to fix you

adderall, vyvanse, ritalin, none of these are a pill to fix you. they give you the capacity to work on yourself. dopamine is the "go get it" chemical. typically, ours is low and irregular, so we dont feel the drive to "go get it" when we need to, and we dont feel enough of a drive to see something through until we "get it." you still have to put in a lot of effort to fix habits and do work, medicine makes it so its easier. for me, it also reduces Noise in my head, so i can focus better. i still have to put effort into everything, its just less painful.

6. dont blame medicine for all of your improvement

again, medicine gives you capacity. YOU still do it all! its all you!!!!!! :D

thank u for reading i hope these are helpful! i feel like adhd tips are veryyy all or nothing and never explain WHY they may help, so i hope my explanations are helpful!

[mynamessophiaa]

misunderstanding - rafe cameron

( this is like the episode where rafe talking about sofia and “not living with a pogue” scene but w reader )

warnings: barley any except a bit of angst, use of Y/N

a/n: this is not completely accurate since i have infact not watched s3 or s4 so i just use clips ive found to write this story..

You and rafe have been talking for around 5 months, you met him 6 months ago and everything seemed to be going good. He normally spent his nights at your house, playing about and watching movies, you really liked him. And he seemed to like you, right now your at a party, rafe had invited you and ofc you came. You’ve been looking for him and soon look into a room and see him, you were about to walk to him when you hear his friend ask “so what’s the deal with you and Y/N, i swear she lives with you or you live with her” And obviously you stopped to see if rafe would speak goodly about you..

“me and Y/N? oh we just talk that’s about it, we are casual, a few hook ups” he says with a chuckle at the last bit. “and i’d never live with a pogue”

Your heart ached at his words, you thought you were getting somewhere, you really liked him. You held your tears back and walked into the middle of the party, music played but it sounded muffled, you looked around, trying to find the exit, you couldn’t be here anymore. Your eyes caught the door and you went to walk towards it but you felt a hand pull you back against its chest, the cologne filled your nose and you instantly knew who it was, rafe.

“where you going baby?” he ask looking down at you “i thought you were staying and hanging with me”

“i just don’t feel like being here” you replied, lying a bit, knowing if you mentioned what you heard you’d break down.

He gives a confused look “you texted me saying you were exited to come and see me baby”

All you do is nod, a lump appeared in your throat, and he could tell something was up

“Y/N? what’s wrong, tell me, talk to me” he says reaching out and grabbing your hand, you pull away quickly, causing him to frown,

“okay. what’s the deal with you?”

“did you mean what you said?” you asked, voice breaking.

he furrowed his eyebrows “what did i say baby?”

you look at him before looking down, fiddling with your fingers “when you said we were just casual… a few hook up” you say your throat tightening, “and you’d never live with a pogue.” you spat the last bit.

his face dropped, his chest raised heavily, he knew it, he knew he shouldn’t of said that shit but his pride got the best of him, and he could possibly lose the greatest thing that’s ever happened to him.

“baby… i didn’t mean those things ok?” he said raising his hands to his chest, pointing at himself “i messed up i know, i don’t mean it baby please” he begs.

“if you didn’t mean it, why did you say it rafe?!”

“my pride, it got the best of me okay!? i really like you, Y/N, like really really, and i think of you more than just a casual hook up, your the only person who i’ve opened up to and i can’t lose you”

You listen carefully, he seemed honest but the hurt took over the guilt, why did i even feel guilt in the first place, you said to yourself, he made the mistake not me.

“rafe, those things hurt me, they really did, i dont know how im supposed to forgive and forget it-“

he cuts you off, grabbing your face gently in his hands, his ring coldly sitting on your jawline, “i’m not saying to forget it, and not fully forgive me, but i’m asking for a second chance, i’ll prove my loyalty to you, just please don’t leave me alone.”

your heart started aching even more at his words, guilt building up in your stomach, almost as if you feel your gonna throw up.

“rafe…”

he looks at you, almost pleadingly, you’ve never seen him like this, he never showed emotion like this around you. It hurt you.

rafe took your hands, letting go of your face. “can we please go home” he says talking about his house, “we can talk more there, please”

you look at him, not finding the words to use so you just nod, he gives a look of comfort before dragging you gently to his car.

the ride was silent, not an awkward one, a comforting one, his hand rested on your thigh as you hummed to a song playing on the radio, he stole glances at you from time to time, making sure your not close to breaking down, it hurt him how sad you were, even worse because he was the reason.

a few moments later, he pulls up in the driveway and hops out the car, no matter the argument or how mad he is, he will always open the door for you, so that’s what he does, going round to the passenger side, you give him a quick smile as a thank you, before hopping out.

Once you reach the door to the house, he unlocks it and lets you both in, he chucks the keys on the shelf by the door and turns to you.

“please tell me you believe me when i say i didn’t mean those things, that i let my pride take over”

you think for a second, he’s never been this emotional, never been the pleading.

“i do believe it, but it’s hurt rafe, you know that right?”

he nods quickly, “i know i know baby, but ill do anything, anything. for you to forgive me” he says looking at you, trying to make eye contact, even though he hates it. you see him making eye contact and your heart melts.

you nod. “mhm..”

“just tell me what to do and i’ll do that for you.”

“i just want you to tell your friend that you didn’t mean it, that i actually mean something to you.”

he nods “i’ll do it when i see him. i promise. but i just want you to know i want what we have. i want it to be official. i love you so much it physically hurts” he says, you looked shocked. you’ve never said those 3 words before and it shocked you even more he was the first to say them. “i can’t imagine my life without you and your the first women i’ve truly loved and id do anything for. im a dickhead for saying those things and you have every right to be mad. i don’t care if your a pogue ok? i want you, you.” he repeated.

you look at him lovingly, believing his words. you nod. “i believe you, and i love you too.”

he smiles as you say those words, he grabs your face and crashes your lips together, it was a long, affectionate kiss, but soon turned rough and suggestive. he pulled away with a mischievous look in his eyes, he quickly grabbed your thighs and picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist before moving to the bedroom

“i’m gonna show you how much i love you, how much i appreciate you.”

yall this lowk bad and i took about 7 breaks cuz i was on call making this 🫣🫣 and this idea came from @starkeynation so all cred to her for the idea!!!!

[whitexwolfxx310]

|| What’s Your Favorite Scary Movie? || Part 2.

Pairing: Dom!Bucky x Sub!female reader

Summary: After accidentally revealing that you have a masked man kink, Bucky starts taking it to the next level. The reveal!

Warnings: Smut- MDNI please!, unprotected sexual intercourse (p in v), don't forget no glove no love, edging, asphyxiation, fingering, mild dirty talk, language, praise kink, masked man kink, stalking, harassment, implied harm, breaking in.

Word Count: 5.4

A/Ns: Hi babes! Sorry this took an extra day than intended. Tumblr is being super finicky tonight, I’ve edited and re-edited this so many times. If there’s mistakes just ignore. I hope you like the conclusion!

In case you missed it, Part 1

You didn’t sleep much the next couple of nights, and decided to take some time off of work. Bucky finally reached out, and you updated him as to what was going on. He immediately offered to come home, which you refused and started to downplay the situation.

Hailee has been great with letting you borrow some clothes and little things, since you only grabbed a small bag in a rush before heading to her place to stay a few days ago. You’ve been dreading going back to the apartment, scared to find someone in there waiting for you. But it’s at the point where you need to grab some of your stuff.

Walking into the apartment, it was eerily quiet and uncomfortable. But nothing looked out of place, and was exactly how you left it. Deciding not to spend any longer there than you had to, you promptly tossed a large duffle bag onto your bed and started stuffing it with clothes and any other necessities.

Zipping the duffle closed, you felt a light gust of cool air. Scanning your bedroom window assuming it was the source, you realize it’s open. You never open this window. In fact, it’s always locked. All of the hair on the top layer of your skin stands up to the extent it almost feels like tiny pinpricks. Flight mode is instantly activated; before you can even think, you grab the bag and run, practically tripping over your own feet out of the room.

Grappling with the door knob, the pure panic starts to set in. Just as you’re twisting the knob open, you hear a distant bang coming from another room in the apartment. You freeze at the realization:

I’m not alone.

You know when you’re watching a scary movie and yell at the tv, wondering why the one of the characters was so fucking stupid to do something?

Well, you did exactly that. What possessed you in that moment, you haven’t the faintest idea. But, with your heartbeat pounding in your ears so loudly that you thought your eardrums might rupture, you started to turn around to look.

What primitively catches your attention isn’t what you expected, but quickly makes your chest tighten. The fruit bowl on the kitchen counter that is normally overflowing with lucious, red delicious apples, now just has all apple cores.

The flashback of one being on left on the countertop after Bucky had left blazes in your mind. It suddenly makes sense. Bucky would never leave a mess and it wasn't long after that you saw someone outside your window.

Attempting to swallow the growing dryness in your throat, you continue to turn around. And that's when you see him for the first time. About fifteen feet away, stood an obviously immensely tall man. He wore thick, black shiny leather boots that gleamed lightly in the natural daylight within the apartment. Fitted black jeans with a loose, black hooded sweatshirt that failed to hide how muscular and broad his chest and shoulders were with the hood pulled up.

But two things stuck out the most about his appearance. First, was the tight, black leather gloves he wore on his hands that were currently clenched into rigid fists. The second, was the fact that you couldn't make out his face. All you could see was an elongated paleness, caverned by the blackness of the hood, and it seemed... sinister. He didn't move or make a sound. It was as if you would blink and he would be gone, like a cloud of smoke.

But if anyone was going to disappear, it was going to be you. So taking a chance, you ran. And you didn't stop running. Even with the faint vibration in your pocket alerting you to the new text notification on your phone, you kept going.

It wasn't until you got back to Hailee's place and frantically, out of breath explained to her, that you even remembered about the text message.

"Here," You toss the phone in pure detestation onto her bed, "I don't even want to fucking know what it says." You lean against the opposite wall of her bedroom, crossing your arms across your chest in an attempt to control the body shakes as you come down from the adrenaline.

Hailee watches you for a brief moment, still not having said much aside from asking if you were okay. Her expression was soft and sympathetic and yet had an dissenting undertone. You couldn't blame her, this all sounded absolutely insane.

Letting out a small, exasperated breath, Hailee sits on her knees from her previous crossed legged position and grabs your cell. As the screen comes to life, her teeth clench down reading whatever is on the screen.

“What?” The concern is evident in your voice as you pry away from the wall, though still holding onto yourself.

Hailee inhales deeply through her nostrils, faking a tightlipped smile, “it’s nothing,” her tone is flat. She’s lying. Clicking the sleep button on the side of the phone to make the screen go black, she makes her way off the bed, “hey, how about we head down to the cellphone store and get you a new phone and number?” She asks, trying to sound like her usual carefree self as she grabbed her crossbody bag.

“Hailee,” you uncross your arms and step in front of her, forcing her to make eye contact, “what is it?”

Searching your eyes, you can see that she is torn. She wants so badly to do the right thing, but isn’t sure what exactly that is in this situation. On one hand, she could just keep it to herself. Let the unknown and curiosity eat you alive from the inside out like it inevitably will. But only because she wants to protect you, shield you from anything that brings you the opposite of joy. Or, she can show you what you’re actually dealing with, and the two of you can come up with a plan and handle it together. Hailee decides on the latter.

Hesitating, her hand shakes slightly as she holds out the phone to you. It appears that now both of you will take this predicament more critically now. Grabbing the phone a tad more aggressively then you meant to, you unlock it and open the messages. But it's not often Hailee gets rendered quiet. Scrolling through the back to back texts, you understand why.

Taking your best friends advice, you immediately went to the cell phone store. She tagged along as you got a completely new phone and number, not transferring anything over, not wanting to take the risk. You didn't download any social media, deciding to take a much needed mental break for a bit. The only thing you did do, was take a few phone numbers that you needed out of your old phone, and even then you wrote them down on a piece of paper to manually add them into your contacts later.

Walking out of the store, you felt as if a weight had been lifted. Hailee locked arms with you, leading you around the corner to the nearest cafe to get iced coffee. It was her answer for everything. Bad day? Iced coffee. Need a pick me up? Iced coffee. Need to clear your head and just ramble about random shit for a bit? Iced coffee. Your best friend has an apparent stalker and we're hoping that changing phone numbers is the end all solution?! Obviously, iced coffee.

Sitting at a small table outside the cafe, enjoying the slight crispness in the fall air, you let out a huge, relieving sigh that makes your shoulders sink. You take the opportunity to add Bucky to your contacts and text him your new number. Although, you decide not to go into detail about your most recent encounter while he's still away on a mission.

Putting the phone down on the table and not have it incessantly go off with calls and texts, let's you feel as though you can finally breathe. "Thank you for coming with me, Hales, I really appreciate you."

Hailee is sucking the remnants of her drink through the straw as she looks up at you. She gives you a small, genuine side smile, "you're welcome," before smirking, "so I'm supposed to have a date tonight, with that guy Noah I've been seeing..." she leaves it open ended. "But, I should totally cancel after everythi-"

"No, please. Go out and have fun. You've been dealing with my shit enough," trying to make your words sound affirming, even with the lingering dread that you still felt.

That's one thing about Hailee. You never quite really have to twist her arm to do anything.

After showering and changing into your comfy jeans and oversized cropped sweater, it was hard not to feel the slightest tinge of jealousy watching Hailee do her finishing touches for date night in the mirror. Jealousy in the sense of missing Bucky and going out and having a carefree night, not in comparing yourself physically.

She swipes yet another layer of clear lip gloss on before fluffing her beach wave blonde hair. Turning to face you, her thick heels clack on the wooden floor as she starts adjusting her boobs in her sleek, dusty rose colored dress.

"What do you think?" Her hands glide down over her curves, "Dress is okay?"

"That dress is fire," and it is, she looks amazing. By the smile she's wearing, she's feeling it too, "too bad it's going to end up on Noah's floor ten minutes into your date." Hailee dramatically gasps, as if that's not true. It totally is.

You're both laughing until she abruptly stops, "I have to go!" She gives you a quick hug and starts scurrying towards the door, a bit awkwardly in the heels, "Bye! Love you! Lock the door!" As she goes to close the door behind her she yells back in, "don't read too much smut on your kindle while I'm gone!" and the door slams.

Shaking your head with a small laugh, you lock the door. Hailee just gave you the perfect idea of how to spend your night.

About an hour had gone by, you comfortably laid in Hailee's spare bed, a few chapters deep into your latest book. It was quiet, so when your phone vibrated on the bed next to you- you jumped slightly. Assuming it was Bucky finally having the chance to text you back, you pick it up fairly quickly. But the message you received isn't what you expected at all.

Before even unlocking the phone, you had a text alert from Unknown. There was nothing written, but all the way to the right of the alert, you could see a picture was included.

Promptly, you sat up in the bed and stared at the notification. That familiar wave of unease dispersed throughout your body as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over your head.

This phone number is only a few hours old, how the fuck did he get it already?

The notification banner and you were in a staredown. You had to know what the message was, but you were absolutely terrified at the same time. Your thumbs hover, occasionally twitching over the screen, until you pull the trigger and swipe up.

Us. Hailee...

Driving to your apartment, you broke nearly every single traffic law that there is. The entire time you tried calling Hailee’s phone back to back, just repeating the same mantra; please pick up. Please, please pick up. She never did.

“Hailee!!” You run through your apartment door, not having to mess with it for long as it was already unlocked. You had a feeling it would be. “Answer me!” You yell, breathlessly. The apartment is eerily dark and quiet.

Coming to a halt in the main living space, you whipped your head around looking for clues and try to listen for any signs of distress. But it was so difficult to hear anything over your own breathing and pulse drumming in your ears.

You knew where you had to go, the last picture of your friends dress laid out on your bedspread was the roadmap. The bedroom door was just barely closed over, a creepy orange glow lining it and trying to escape from underneath. Each step closer that you took, felt as if a large spider made entirely of ice was crawling down your spine.

Pushing the door open slightly with just a fingernail, you peered into the room. You knew this is exactly where this person wanted you. For what? There’s only one way to find out.

There didn’t seem to be anyone in the room, so you took a few small steps in. The glow was more prominent now, giving the room an uncanny romantic ambiance with numerous amount of white candles lit all along the dressers, night tables, and bookshelves.

Taking a broad step forward, your attention is now focused on the bed. Hailee's dress is no longer laid out like it had been in the picture. Instead, there are flower petals sprinkled across your comforter. The intriguing curiosity drew you even more into the room without you even realizing. Picking up one of the petals, you rub it between your fingers, feeling it's supple and delicate smoothness as you examine it more closely. In that moment you recognize it- the familiarity of it's dark appeal. They're black dahlia petals.

Some of the petals congregated in one particular area on the bed, revealing an elegant, black gift box about the size of a large book. Your lips part slightly as you pick up the box, captivated by it's alluring magnetism. Taking off the lid, your brows furrow slightly in confusion. It's a chain. A long, thick slip chain that looks like a necklace but almost long enough to be a leash.

As your finger smoothes over the cold indentations of the chain, you hear a creak come from the floor behind you. In a startled jump, you drop the box- a slight ringing sound deafens the scene even more from the chain hitting the floor. But that's not your concern. Because as you turn around, you see him.

Within arms reach, you are confronted with the person that's been behind all of this. He's even taller up close, broader. Dressed in all black attire, this time swapping the black hoodie for a black t-shirt and black leather jacket. And without the hood, you're able to see the elongated white face from earlier.

It's a Ghostface mask.

He stands as still as a statue, watching you intently, waiting. Your eyes persist in looking him over as your chest rises and falls deeply. When your gaze meets his face once again, his head creepily tilts ever so slightly to one side.

"What's the matter?" He speaks, his voice deep and low, "you look like you've seen a ghost," the tone almost mocking.

Squinting your eyes, you look at him again. And this time you really look at him. His body frame, the clothes, the familiarity of his voice. Your eyes widen at the realization.

"Bucky?" you gape, completely stupefied. Taking the first fearless step in what feels like months, you wrap your arms around him. He returns the sentiment and you feel safe, for the first time in what feels like forever. It suddenly dawns on you that he's not actually on a mission. And probably never was.

"What- What is this?" You ask, looking up at him, slightly pushing the mask up to reveal his stubbled chin and promiscuous grin.

"There’s just something so dark and exhilarating about an unknown man behind a mask that stalks and is obsessed with you. The anonymity of it..." He repeats back the words you said to him a few months ago watching the Scream movie.

The memory of you how you told him about this kink of yours curls around your mind. That this entire time, you were never in any kind of serious danger, he just brought it to life. Weeks and months of preparation went into this, here, tonight. You should have known all along that Bucky would never have been so nonchalant about you in any type of significant situation. You're safe. You always were and always will be.

The tiny icy footprints that had trailed up your spine were long gone, now replaced with a burning and tantalizing desire. You've missed him, thinking he was away while you were dealing with this on your own. But now he's here, fulfilling your deepest desires.

Looking up, Bucky's Pacific blue eyes are already gazing down into yours, a built up and unsatisfied hunger prominent. Moving up onto your tiptoes and grabbing him behind the neck, you bring down his head and capture his lips.

Your mouth parted his, gliding and massaging his tongue with your own. A low growl reverberated from within his throat with approval, and promise to make everything up to you tenfold. Bucky's intoxicating cypress scent fills your nostrils as your inhaled deeply, pressing your breasts up into his chest. Taking off the leather gloves and shrugging his jacket onto the floor, his hands started to wildly wander around your body, giving light squeezes on your hips before settling and interlacing gingerly in your hair.

That didn't last long, though. There was a sudden and hard tug from where Bucky held your hair, enough to pull the two of you apart. The aggressiveness of the gesture was unexpected, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't fucking love it. His eyes linger on your already swollen lips, now wearing a pursed, provocative grin. His hand releases the tight grip he had on your loose curls, watching the relief from the sting flash across your eyes. Bucky has always been tender, gentle and using your body as a place of worship-but tonight is different.

Grabbing the hem of your sweater, he maneuvers it up and off to join his growing pile of discarded clothes. Dropping to his knees with a loud thud, he undoes the button and zipper of your jeans, pulling them down and weaving his tongue along the freshly exposed skin. Hissing through your teeth, your hips instinctively press forward. He lets out a dark laugh, before grabbing the chain you dropped before. Standing back up, he takes your hand, "Come," he says, leading you towards the cornered edge of the mattress.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, his muscular body causes it to sink slightly. His free hand, still holding the chain, grips his own thigh before giving it a light pat, "Sit," he commanded, again keeping that firm edge in his voice that you weren't used to. You enthusiastically follow his orders, sitting delicately facing outward in just your matching ivory lace bra and panties. It's hard not to notice how you just fit. And how much you secretly love his significantly large frame pressed against your much more petite body in comparison to his.

The soft tip of his nose runs along the outside of your neck, his large hands coasting along your shoulders, down your arms, sides, before settling on your thighs. The calluses on his hands leaving a sensational trail of tingles and heat to disperse under your skin.

"Look," his head nods forward once to get your attention, and now you see the reason why he sat you here. In the corner of the bedroom, just a few feet away, is a full length standing mirror angled perfectly to reflect everything.

You see yourself, already flushed with arousal and breathing heavily as you make eye contact with Bucky in the mirror. His devious smile pins you in place as you watch his hands pry open your legs, entrancingly over his. They willingly spread open wide for him, your restless hips now squirming, aching for more. His fingertips trace small circles on your inner thigh.

"I want you to see your face as you fall apart, " he taunted, his voice sultry in your ear, still holding your gaze in the mirror. His middle finger skims across your already embarrassingly dampened panties, causing your back to press against his rigid chest.

There was a vague rattling sound, followed by Bucky placing the large opening of the looped chain over your head and around your neck, “Bucky, what are you doing-” you watch curiously in the mirror. Part of the chain dangles between your breasts, which he wraps around his hand once and slowly starts to pull, causing the loop around your neck to compress.

It’s a choker.

Your eyes go wide, nervousness rippling through you as you grasp his intentions, “Bucky, I don’t know-”

“Do you really think you have a choice?” he barked, pulling the Ghostface mask down back onto his face. Talking to you through the mirror, “I won’t hurt you. Trust me,” he whispers, breaking character for a moment to assure you’re safe.

You nod in response, your reflection visibly eases in the mirror as the necklace slackens around your throat. He lets the chain lax too, for now.

Large hands are back to kneading your thighs, a lone finger brushing between your legs when gravitating along the inside. It’s not long until the sensation has you starting to wriggle once again.

Cupping your sex, his hand gently moves up and down, keeping a firm, yet delicate and delicious pressure. Your greedy hips tilt forward, wanting more from his right hand, while the coolness of his left continues to lazily stroke over your skin. But when that icy touch quickly grabs and tears your underwear off in one jolt, you gasp at the tiny bite the ripping cloth left behind.

Now you’re left wide and exposed- to yourself, to Bucky, to the reflections of yourselves staring intensely, watching every movement. The warmth of his hand is back, leisurely gliding two fingers between your already achingly wet pussy. Swallowing hard, your breath hitches as you can not only feel, but see, yourself start to lose composure.

Bucky pulls the two fingers away, holding them up just to your mouth, "wet them for me," he instructs, his voice silk like satin. Taking the two fingers into your mouth, your tongue swirled rapidly around the digits, savoring the salty-sweetness of your arousal. Slowly pulling them back out, you see them shine with your saliva.

Something comes over you in that moment, call it gluttonous, but you pool some extra moisture into your mouth and spit onto the fingers. Just for good measure.

There's a murmured hum of approval in your ear as he spreads your folds, teasing your increasingly sensitive clit between his two fingers. And getting Bucky's praise will only enhance the entire night. Your legs quiver at the deliberate sluggish pace, letting out shaky breaths as the overwhelming throbbing demands more attention.

Finally, the pads of those fingers start to rub your bundle of nerves in unhurried circles. Gripping onto his thigh to steady yourself, your nails clutching his jeans, a whine escapes as your hips try to buck against his hand.

That dark laugh is in your ear again, "good girls don't come until I tell them too," Bucky breathes, overly indulging in how you respond to his touch. It feels like torture, in the best possible way. The combination of his words and caress... you have never felt this good. This wanted.

Your head falls back slightly against his shoulder in small disappointment, whimpering, knowing that he's going to make you beg. And you're getting desperate enough to do so.

The leisurely pace of his fingers picks up, causing your back to arch away from his chest as you start panting. Each swipe building pleasure, layer on top of agonizing layer. Finding yourself in the mirror again, you unapologetically watch as your body vigorously writhes against his hand, your moans spilling from your mouth more and more.

"How badly do you want to come, princess?" The Ghost breathed, his chest rising and falling heavily now, trying to fight off his own desire, evident from the hard protrusion you keep rolling your hips against.

"S-so bad... Please! Please," you pleaded, not caring how desperate it sounds. Adding some additional pressure, your hips stutter. Your breathing practically stops as your moans transform into one long, drawn out strangled whine as you come apart, "O-ooh...oh my god. Oh god!"

Not even fully coming down from the repeated waves, you hear, "God's not here," growled into your ear. In one sudden movement, Bucky stands up with you in his arms before tossing you onto the bed, "just me.” the low rumble emits from his chest. Ripping off the mask, he kneels on the bed and uses his left arm to support his weight. Using those same damned two fingers, he plunges them into your drenched pussy, siphoning a sound from your throat that’s unrecognizable.

“Again,” Bucky breathes, his eyes glazed over with a new kind of wickedness as they lock into yours, “Come for me again. I fucking love all the sounds you make,” With his palm face up, his fingers start pumping you from the inside, running over your g-spot in a come here motion.

Since there was no remission from your last orgasm, the tightness in your belly never fully went away. Watching Bucky, seeing him in the tight black t-shirt while his bicep flexes from working you, his slightly furrowed brow and his lips slightly parted in determination, you could feel it building up once again.

Feeling your walls contract around him, he grinned. He changes his hand motions to going in a frantic up and down movement, and if you know, you know. Your rasped whimpers became silent as you forgot how to breathe and your vision blurred. The build up came on so fast and so strong, the only sound in the room was your ever increasing wetness.

Your mouth dropped open into a silent O, not able to think not a single coherent thought, "Thaaat's it..." Bucky coaxed, "I want you to gush all over my fucking hand," and with his words, your body quivers as you completely shatter with a loud cry. "Goood girl. God, what a good fucking girl," he soothes. You winced slightly as he pulled out his fingers, collapsing back more into the bed as you try to rein in remembering how to breathe. Bucky sits back on his knees, and almost entirely up to his elbow is glistening with how hard you just came.

With a flat tongue, he presses it to his palm, and licks all the way up to the tip of his middle finger, "Perfect," Bucky hums in satisfaction to himself. Your throat goes dry at the sight, being the cherry on top of all the mouth breathing you've been doing. Am I fucking dreaming?

Pushing his jeans down to his knees, his thick, flushed cock rebounds out of his boxers. Bucky grabs you by the hips, pulling you down the bed before flipping you over onto all fours. Each of his hands grabs a fistfull of your ass, before slapping one side. You moan at the bite of the smack, feeling delusional from needing him inside you so badly. He rubs the reddened cheek before dropping a teeth grazed kiss on the sensitive skin.

There's a coolness between your legs, and you realize that it's your juices sliding down your thighs. Not needing any preparation, you feel the tip of Bucky's fat cock lining up to slide into your tight little slit. He rubs the head up and down, lubricating just enough to push himself in. As he started to sink into you, it took every bit of will you had not to collapse as you felt his slight struggle to get in.

"Fuck, you're tight," he sighs. But truth be told, he's just that big. As if he had a direct roadmap, he slides in effortlessly right to the hilt, poking the sweetest spot of all making you choke out a sob, "You can take it, can't you angel?" He breathes huskily, amusement draped around the words as he dragged his cock back maliciously slow, letting you feel the ridge of each vein, every delectable centimeter of his length.

You feel your eyes roll closed, enjoying the all consuming sensation. With one quick thrust all at once, Bucky simultaneously yanks on the chain of the forgotten choker forcing your eyes open with a loud cry to find him glaring at you in the mirror, "Look at me when I'm fucking you," he reprimanded, in a subdued yet stern voice.

He started to move in a merciless rhythm, keeping the chain taut in one of the hands that clenched your hips. Each thrust delivered not only a delectable deep nudge against your cervix, but a small slap of his balls to your achingly sensitive clit. The combination of internal and external stimulation has you singing your own personal explicit cry, almost on the verge of tears with the intensity.

It's almost cruel the way that he fucks you, like he's dismantling you piece by piece, mentally, physically, emotionally. Never have you been treated like such a prize possession and a cheap whore at the same time. Your walls flutter around his cock, swallowing him needing moremoremore. You're body's accepted that this pussy is Bucky's. It's meant for him. It was made for him.

In the reflection you can see Bucky wet his lips, his eyes darting between yours and your ass bouncing off of his snapping hips. He continues to murmur soft, filthy praises as he fucks another orgasm from you. The choker tensed as you came, making the edges of your vision blurry- your walls clenching so tightly, causing each stroke to become more intense than the next. After you completely shattered, the chain went slack once again.

Manhandling you one last time, Bucky lays back flat on the bed and positions you to straddle him. You shake your head in an almost delirious state, "I-I can't. Buck, I-" you whisper, thoroughly cock drunk, "I can't," you pleaded.

"Yes you can, angel," his hands glide over your sweat coated thighs, a lecherous expression on his face. You nod ever so slightly, because even as spent and exhausted as you feel, you want to see him come apart. You want to look down into his eyes as joins you in the fucked out bliss.

You grab the base of his cock, using it to align yourself before sliding back down on top of him. Bucky's eyes widen, watching intensely as your bodies joined one another. All the air releases out of his lungs at the sight of your greedy pussy sucking him all the way in- deeper, your thighs already trembling. His hands clench your hips as your they start to grind back and forth.

His ab muscles flex under your nail piercing grasp- that pressure once again starting to build. He's just so deep, you're still just so wet from coming 3 times in a row, and now his wide tip is nestled so perfectly against your cervix that each motion of your body feels like you're going to spontaneously combust and die. But there's no way that heaven could be better than this. Those painfully beautiful sapphire blue eyes filled with an rapacious hunger that only you can fulfill.

You're mouth opens in attempt to say his name like a prayer, or something as equally dirty, but all that comes out is a sputter of shuddered gasps. Bucky's unapologetically loud moans grow more frequent, turning into their own long, drawn out beautiful melody, "fuck," he whispers, "that's so good."

Leaning down, chest to chest, you capture his lips in yours- swallowing those gorgeous sounds. Bucky takes this opportunity to thrust his hips up, massaging your inner walls as you push back against him. The loud smacking of flesh borderline drown out the sounds of both your orgasms, but you could feel the vibration from deep within Bucky's throat through the kiss. Rope after rope, you could feel his warmth emptying inside of you.

The strokes became laguid as he maintained the kiss- Bucky's hands cupping your face gently, which was such a dichotomy compared to the way he fucked you tonight. You finally pull your lips apart, collapsing fully on top of his body. Laying in silence, all you can hear is each other's ragged breathing and the drumming of his heart in your ear against his chest.

"I am... never getting rid of that fucking mask," Bucky chuckles lightly.

"Just so you know," you prop your chin up on your palm, "there's 5 other movies in the franchise."

If you enjoyed this, please check out my masterlist.

@peaches1958 @aquabrie @elsie-bells @pono-pura-vida @redbloodedgurl @almosttoopizza @beware-my-thorns @prettylittlepluviophile @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @calwitch @ozwriterchick @roofwitty779 @lessersole @lil-darhk @agoddoesnotplead @saranghaey @erinallene @mrsvxder @elizabeth916 @cjand10 @bucky-barnes-lover @wintrsoldrluvr

@marianastudiesart @chaosbarelycontained @wonderbreadbucky @amethystviolin @fluffysucker @buckybraneslover111 @crazyf0robx @thorns-fixations @brairslair @dumdumlolly @miss0giarra @nerdytif @am-3-thyst @blondierog @mrsstuckyboo

[revelboo]

Since were sharing, these are my cool cats Sake (Tie) and Precious (Bowtie). Would love to see some more rung totally not trying to bribe with my cute fur babies. (〃'▽'〃) Anyways love all your work! Thanks♪(･ω･)ﾉ

🤣 stylish little guys

Friendly heads up- I have a class for work all day this Tuesday and I’ll be driving 7 1/2 hours next Sunday and again the Sunday after, so I won’t be as active as normal those day

Anything For You Pt 6

Rung x Reader

• “Not happening so back off,” you snarl as his current patient, a bot you don’t know crooks a servo like he’s trying to coax you closer. How’d he talk you into this again? That’s right. He’d just picked you up and carried you to his office without asking or giving you a choice. Deciding for you that you were going to help him.

• Tiredly clearing his vents as Bluestreak frowns and sinks back in his chair, Rung taps his stylus on the datapad. Deciding that bringing you to a session was a mistake, but he’d thought it might do you some good to interact with others. And Bluestreak is preoccupied with you, door wings flicking, but he’s not letting his guard down, not talking. “The dreams,” he prompts and the younger bot grimaces.

• Wandering to the far side of the desk, you’re aware of the strange bot watching you. What had Rung said his name was? Blue-something. And the guy looks uncomfortable, attention dropping to his hands. “I don’t know. I forget when I come online,” he mumbles, door wings flicking and you zero in on the way he can’t look at Rung, can’t seem to be still. Recognizing a liar. ‘A detail, then? One thing that stayed with you,’ Rung prompts, removing his weird glasses and pretending to polish them, attention off the bot.

• Obviously wants to talk about it or he wouldn’t keep coming to sessions, but then something always stops him. Optics sliding to you, he’s surprised you’re focused on Bluestreak, your expression carefully blank. “Sirens,” Bluestreak mumbles, glancing at you and away. “I remember sirens.” Remembers more than that, but it’s like the young bot is afraid of dredging up those memories. Knows they still hurt. They must. He’d read the bot’s file and already knows, but he needs Bluestreak to talk. To start healing.

• “How did they make you feel? Anxious?” Rung asks, tone surprisingly gentle. Coaxing. And the new bot’s jaw is working, servos trembling faintly as he just stares at them. It’s not a dream he’s remembering. Whatever this is, it happened and he doesn’t want to relive it, but he seems to realize it’ll keep poisoning him if he doesn’t get it out. Swallowing a groan as you watch the bot’s face and wonder if they can cry, because the guy looks like he’s about to cave and start ugly bawling any second. Gritting your teeth, you walk over and sit by his hand. Waiting and not at all surprised when he runs a shaking servo down your spine, because apparently you are going to play therapy doggie. ‘Angry. Terrified,’ Bluestreak says, the words bursting out of him. ‘There wasn’t any warning.’

Previous

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

can you write about Yandere mermaid or a female siren please?

Together Forever | Yandere Siren x Reader

Thinking about a siren woman on a mission, granted the ability to walk on land along with her sisters. A long-awaited revenge finally coming to fruition. As expected she dazzles all, surprised by the ease at charming all she comes across but she’s faltering because of something minor. Or rather someone.

“Hey Felis I was wondering if you’d be free to come with us to the arcade.”

“Nice try (Y/n), obviously Felis is too good for the arcade.”

“Yeah, she probably has important things to do.”

“Actually (Y/n) I would love to.”

“Great I’ll add you to the group chat.”

It’s you. The oddly talkative and goofy former outcast with the support of your atypical friends. Laughing about animated series and independent games with a sense of niche community found on most uni campuses. 

Usually, she should have never crossed paths with you. Unable to apply her shallow level of research to such a deep-seated community and deeming it irrelevant in the grand scheme of her plan. But something about you drew her in, maybe it was the contrast of your silence in class to your smiling visage at clubs. Or maybe it was the way you maintained the character you were cosplaying on campus during club-day. Or maybe it was the way she so easily slipped into her siren song when you cheered for her at karaoke. Either way, she just can’t stop, even if it means going against the original plan.

“What is your problem Felis!? You were supposed to have drowned more by now!”

“I am working on it, too many at one time and I’ll be a suspect!”

“We already are aware of that which is why we have a replacement waiting. What could possibly be worth delaying the plan for?!”

“...It’s something important!”

“Fine but do it fast. I’m demanding your apology in bodies. Twice as many, you hear?”

“...fine.”

Felis was meant to have killed more humans by now. Confirming that they were the children that the hex pointed them to. Unfortunately among these humans, she was meant to drown, was you. Beaming and clueless, inclusive and kind completely unaware that you were the only descendant of a distant ancestor entangled with the sirens long ago.

“Hey Felis, are you a swimmer?”

“Huh, what?! I…am. Why do you ask?”

“I’m just thinking about checking out this spot along the river, I heard it’s like some legendary rejuvenation spot. Would you maybe want to come?”

“Uh, sure.”

Just her luck the one human she happens to love and her sisters demand she drowns is you. It takes hours of soaking in her dorm’s shower before she comes up with a brilliant idea.

She’ll just drown you! 

Tell all the mutual friends you previously invited to go to another spot by the river giving the wrong landmark to find the unbeaten path; then purposely making the mistake for one of your close friends to correct her, allowing Felis to conveniently forget to tell the others. Now that her mistake has an adorably innocent papertrail she finds herself annoyed with the fact that your tight-knit  friend group wasn’t so easily swayed. 

“Hey (Y/n) you’re already swimming?”

“Yeah the current isn’t too bad here, I’m just watching the fish go by!”

“Thanks for inviting me again, (Y/n).”

“(Y/n) invites everyone to the river eventually, this has been the spot for ages.”

As if she didn’t already know that. “Oh is that so?”

“Yup just glad you can join us Felis, though I hope you don’t feel too left out we’ll be talking about that anime's new release.”

“Don’t apologize (Y/n), she knew who she was hanging out with.”

“Yeah most normies tend to avoid us like the plague, but my guess is Felis isn’t like that or maybe she just hasn’t got the memo.”

“Ohhh yes it’s like instead of injecting herself into social situations to drive the convo like a normal extrovert, she’s putting herself out of her comfort zone and silently observing like an introvert.” 

“Come one guys be nice.”

She endures it. A whole four hours of mindless chatter, she could care less about. Seeing the sun had begun to set she decided it was time to put her plan into action. Excusing herself from the river Felis disappeared into the forest surrounding. Letting the group speak in hushed voices all about her. Of course as a creature of the deep her hearing was strong enough to hear the not so-secret opinions of your friends. While she imagined the embarrassment they’d feel if she appeared before them, she decided to focus on the objective. 

“But it can’t be that bad? Is it? Those IGN reviews are always off.”

“Well yeah but I have to say it was pretty accurate to me!”

“I think you’re losing it.”

“Oh come on it’s not that–WHOA what is that?!”

“What’s what—glug—ahhh!”

Faster than any of your friends can realize you are underneath the surface of the rushing waters and headed downstream at an impossible speeds. A glimpse of something scaly along your side, chalked up to a hallucination as they climb out and run alongside the river with hopes to catch you. 

Within a minute you are out of sight and the group is left on their knees at the side of the river. Calling out your name and getting no response as the fear settles in. 

They’ve lost you.

For all they know you could be dead and in part it’s their fault. It has to be.

“Hey why’d you guys run away like that, what’s going on? Where’s (Y/n)?!”

They plead their various experiences. Their testimonies overlapping one another in a frantic haze until they take a beat to compose themselves. All crowding around Felis as they share the terrible news; watching nervously as her face beautifully twists with curiosity.

“Oh they probably ended up in a nearby cove. The map I looked at earlier had a couple marked on there. We can check and see if the current spat them out there.”

“....I’m still not sure that was the current. Maybe we should call–”

“Don’t stress. We check the coves and if we don’t find them we call. Okay? (Y/n) will probably be so mad if they knew you got all riled up on their behalf

“I don’t think they’d be mad more like happy we—“

“Come on. We’re losing daylight.”

The group follows Felis to this cove walking long after the sun has gone and the moon slowly begins to illuminate their walk. Their paranoid thoughts about where you might be, what they saw, and what would be the plan overtaking the group. Felis resumed her typical observation speaking up only to properly guide the group away from the main river. So consumed in their grief and fear not once had anyone questioned just how Felis knew where this cove was.

“Whoa is that someone’s swim trucks?!”

“These look new? Could this have been a bear attack?”

“No way maybe they were goofing and tore at it someother way look at all the beer cans around this place.”

“Yuck, they even have them going into the cove.”

“Come on, (Y/n) is waiting for us.”

What the group took as an optimistic statement, stepped over the cans and entered the mouth of the cove. Starting on the soggy sand along it’s sides until it dwindled landing the group in waist-length murky water. The only reflections being the occasional glint in the group’s eyes.

“H-how would we know if (Y/n) is in here?!”

“We’d h-have to call out and hopefully they’ll hear us, right?”

The groups hollering echoes off the walls of the cave. The only responses being their own shaky voices and the occasional splashing in the water.

“Guys I really don’t think they’re here!”

“Oh no we have to get outta here and call the police!”

This is stupid! We should’ve called them from the beginning. Let’s go.”

“Wait wheres Felis—uhp!”

Splash!!

In the inky darkness of the water beneath them something shifts and when they huddle near one another to look down at the space their friend was just at, something faintly blue glows beneath them. 

“WHAT THE HECK IS THAT!?”

“wE GoTTA GET OUT OF HERE!”

“THEY’RE GONE! BOTH GONE!”

“Hurry go for the exit!”

Scrambling in the water, they try to out-runnning the speedy glowing light under the rippling water. Another goes under and your remaining friend group is practically at the end of the cove happy to see the reflection of the moon against the water. 

“WE’RE ALMOST THERE!”

“Go go go!”

“Wait what’s in there!”

One of them points to the water where a similar blue light glows brighter under the water. Standing between them and the mouth of the cove, they frantically spare a glance at the fainter light closing in on them. With a frantic confusion their heads dart to each side wondering which of these mysterious lights they’ll finally get to see first. In the end the light that glows at the mouth of the cave is the brightest and the water opening up to reveal none other than–

“Felis!? You’re still alive?!”

It is she, who's silhouetted by the risen moon, and wearing a blue necklace that glows. With a sigh of relief they come closer to her smiling form and relax. Instantly put at ease by a friend in such a frightening situation. 

“I’ve missed you so much.”

She sounds different. Her voice, normally preppy and bright is now sultry and alluring in a way your friends haven’t quite realized. Of course they knew long before now that Felis was likened to a nymph among the masses. Impossibly slender, handsomely tall, and hair that flows down her back like an obsidian waterfall. Now it just seems so much more profound. So much more enrapturing to see her bare self at the exit of the cove. 

“Thank you for waiting. I didn’t mean to keep you long.”

Swooning, they didn’t bother speak. Just releasing the tension in their bodies and planning to float instead of trying to balance on the soggy sand. All was forgiven and all was forgotten especially the blue light behind glowing brighter. 

“Now eat my love! There’s plenty more where that came from!”

In the haze of their drunken trance, it was barely registered that the response in their limbs was impossible thanks to the jagged rows of teeth gnawing at their bloodied stumps. Their nerves ineffectively firing a warning and making their heart pump violently; all to be ignored as the brain designates a higher function for their failing bodies.

Be Food for Felis. 

It didn’t matter that their eyes flickered with familiarity as the glowing azure devourer resembled their missing friend or that globs of tears were falling onto their freezing face. Only that Felis too had revealed a jaw full of fangs and was penetrating their cranium with furious abandon. Like fulfilling a craving after a dutiful wait. 

“Don’t cry! Now they’ll be with you forever! Not in the same way I will but whatever!”

Carefully she framed her hands around your head she let’s your newly frigid and freshly scaly form lean against her. A mixture of grief and exhaustion allowing her to hold your placid form as she rubs her fingers against your closing eyelids. 

Drowning you was the best thing she could have ever done!

[starlostjisung]

3 a.m.

PAIRING: lee know x reader

GENRE: fluff; angst; friends to lovers

WC: 4.3k

CW: mentions of alcohol, cheating (ex boyfriend)

SUMMARY: it’s funny how you always seem to new things the same way: at 3 a.m., in the back of a taxi, with your best friend lee know

hi!!!! i’m back with a new story, a lee know one! i’ve been reaaaally excited about writing and showing you this one. it’s been heavily inspired by one of my favourite songs: new york by ed sheeran. your thoughts and comments are always deeply appreciated and i hope you love this one as much as i do <3

it was almost 3 a.m on a friday night and you were in the back of a taxi with your friend lee know. the night had started as normal as any other night and it ended up becoming one of the worst nights of your life.

you had gone to chan and i.n’s dorm to celebrate changbin’s birthday. it had been a normal, quiet night in, just the boys, some other friends and you. you had gone there early, had dinner, opened his presents and drank for a bit. a pretty normal birthday. but then, one of changbin’s friends suggested going out and after agreeing with him, you went to a club that was not far away from their dorm. this is how your world started to turn upside down.

you went inside the club, ordered some drinks and went to the dance floor with your friends. when changbin and seungmin were having a dance off, you thought you saw a familiar face at the back of the club, but you brushed it off. later, when you came out of the bathroom, you saw them again, but this time you could recognise this familiar face. how you wished you hadn’t.

it was your boyfriend. the same boyfriend that had told you some hours ago that he couldn’t go to changbin’s birthday with you because he was feeling under the weather. the same boyfriend that had his lips locked with some others that were obviously not yours. the same boyfriend that was cheating on you.

you felt like you couldn’t breathe. what happened after that is still a blur on your mind. you remember going to your boyfriend and getting him away from that girl. lee know appearing and taking you away from him. you screaming and insulting your now ex. chaos. disaster. heartbreak.

“he doesn’t deserve you, y/n, he’s a dickhead and a complete idiot” in the back of the taxi, lee know was trying to comfort you. minho and you. you both have been best friends since you were little kids, so it was no surprise that he got on the taxi with you and insisted on taking you home and spending the night with you. you had been through everything together, so you finding out your ex had been cheating on you was no different.

“what did i do wrong, minho? was it my fault?”

“you did nothing wrong, don’t you dare blame yourself for this. he’s the only one to blame. he lied to you and then went out with some other girl, who knows if this is even the first time he does this”

you didn’t want to believe that but he was right, you had caught him this time, but maybe it hadn’t been the first time that this happens.

“i don’t know minho, i don’t know how to feel. i’m angry but at the same time i’m sad. i don’t want to blame myself for his mistakes but i can’t help but do exactly that. i’m heartbroken”

“and it’s completely normal to feel all of that at once and nothing at the same time. just don’t forget that you do not deserve any of this, and nothing that has happened is your fault, don’t blame yourself”

you wanted to believe him but this wasn’t going to be an easy road. you would get there, but it would take time. and at that moment, at 3 a.m., you felt your world crashing down.

~

time passed and some weeks later - three or four, you couldn’t remember at this point - you found yourself in the same space. 3 a.m. in the back of a taxi with lee know. he had gone to your house that evening to check on you and how you were doing after the breakup. it was like a routine at this point. calls to remind you to eat something “i’m going to the studio right now, but make sure you have breakfast before you leave your house”. texts to let you know what he was up to as a way to keep your mind occupied “i want to buy the blue ball for the cats but the boys think it might be too much, what do you think?”. and unannounced visits to your house - not like he announced himself before the breakup.

so when he arrived and saw that you were in your pijamas, eating ice cream and watching a kdrama while sobbing - we live for the drama here - he thought that was enough. he made you change your clothes, wash your face and leave your house with him. where were you going? that wasn’t important.

you went out to have some dinner first, trying to make a bit of conversation which consisted in him telling you about the latest comeback and the tour that was coming up in a couple of months, and you replying with monosyllabic words. he understood that you were like this, but he was hurting to see you this way.

he was going to walk you home, but the weather had other plans. a sudden storm made you change your plans and call a taxi to take you home.

“it’s an upbeat song and i think stays are going to love it, and if we sing this one on tour, i think we could do something amazing on stage” he was telling you and bless him, you were trying to listen but you just wanted to go home, get in your bed and cry until you fell asleep.

“that sounds great” lee know sighed at your answer

“y/n… look at me” and you did

“do you remember when i got cut out from the group before we debuted?” he asked you

“yes”

“and how you were there for me through the bad parts of it?”

“yes”

“and then it all changed. i came back and we debuted and everything was good at the end, right?”

“yes” you couldn’t understand where he was going with this

“this is the same. well, not exactly the same, but you’re going through something bad, i get it, and it’s normal for you to feel this way. but you’re going to get through this, because you always do, that’s who you are”

“but minho, i’m tired of feeling like this, this shouldn’t have happened”

“no you’re right, this shouldn’t have happened and it sucks that it happened, but what you have to do now is let yourself feel everything and then, let it go. everything is going to get better, because you can do this. and i’m going to be there with you, just like you were there for me. you are stronger than this, y/n, i believe in you. i will be here every step of the way”

after hearing him say that, you burst out crying and he held you. he didn’t say anything else, just held you. in his arms, in the back of a taxi at 3 a.m., where you had felt yourself hit rock bottom some weeks ago but now could feel yourself starting to get up again.

~

“horror movies?” han asked

“no, they’re too obvious, you know what’s going to happen” lee know replied

“romantic movies?” he tried again

“they’re even worse han, they use the same lines, the same storylines, and try to get away with it”

“and they do! people watch them and they enjoy them” han argued

“because people want to escape from their daily life and see something that seems perfect but it’s not”

you couldn’t help but laugh at the scene that was happening in front of you. han and lee know arguing about which type of films was worse. or more predictable. you didn’t know what they were arguing about at this point. you just knew that you were happy, or almost completely happy.

you had gone to see them at their dorm after you left your office that afternoon and they suggested having dinner out and then going to the movies. you agreed and that’s how you found yourself in the back of the taxi at 3 a.m. going back to their dorm. lee know had told you that it was late for you to go home, that you should go to their dorm and spend the night with them. you wanted to tell him that this wasn’t the first time that you were going home this late but it had been a long time since you had spent the night at their dorm, so you agreed with him.

you were making progress. sure there were still moments of doubt and wondering why all of that happened, but you were slowly going back to yourself. like lee know had told you. it’s not that you doubted yourself and thought that you would never be able to go back to the person you were before this happened, but if there was one person that knew you better than anyone, even yourself, that was lee know - so you slowly going out more, genuinely smiling and making jokes and engaging in conversations was no surprise to him. he knew you were going to get there, you just needed time. and he was going to give you all the time you needed, while walking with you through everything. even if that included driving in the back of a taxi while han said that the worse type of movies were action movies.

~

you were completely exhausted. christmas was just around the corner, and with a lot of things going on, you had almost forgotten of all the christmas presents you had to buy for your friends and family. you were lucky because you had that friday off so you could spend the whole day buying everything and ticking that off of your to-do list. you were even luckier because lee know had the day off as well and agreed to go with you. not to buy anything, just to make you company he said. he had spent the whole day helping you choosing presents and making comments for some of them, “this one is good but it doesn’t seem very practical”, “a nice, long scarf, that’s a good present during winter”, “come on, y/n, this is too pink, even for you”.

you laughed a lot. you always do with lee know. but something about that day, just walking around with him doing normal and mundane things, made you really happy, happier than you had been in a while.

after you had finished buying most of your presents, you two had dinner in a close by restaurant. you talked about the time when you were kids and he ran after you trying to catch you and fell on the floor and broke his favourite cat toys. you talked about the time when he told you a joke that was so funny that the drink you were having came out of your nose. you talked about different things that you had lived together. it had been a lifetime of memories. after leaving the restaurant, you saw an arcade, a place that you used to go to together when you were kids but hadn’t gone in a while. you decided to go there for a bit, just a couple of games. a couple of games turned into an hour, an hour into two. when you realised, the place was closing because it was almost 3 a.m.

it was really cold, so you decided to call a taxi that would take the both of you to your house. “it’s really late and han will probably be sleeping and i don’t want to disturb him, so i think it’s better if i go with you and sleep in your house” he told you. what a poor excuse. you didn’t argue. because you didn’t want this night to end. not now, not ever. because this feeling of happiness, this feeling of being free and being your unapologetic self, without fear of being judged, only came out with one person. lee know. your minho.

once you where in the taxi, happiness started to turn into nerves. into uneasiness. not necessarily a bad feeling, just a new and uncommon one. the realisation of being on the edge of something, of the unknown. of something that may had always been there, but you had never realised until now. or maybe you had known all along but wanted to keep it a secret that was only shared with your heart. you thought you were in love with your best friend.

you felt your smile slowly dropping from your face as this realisation hit you. not because you didn’t like this. it was because you were afraid of what this might mean. if this was something of the magic of the moment or if it was a real feeling. everything was too much at that moment.

you looked at him, while he was still laughing at how you two had been competing against each other earlier and you had been so determined to win against him that you had ended up slipping on the floor and how the two of you had laughed at that. at that moment you knew. it wasn’t just a thought.

at 3 a.m. in the back of a taxi, you realised you were in love with your best friend.

~

“they seem very nice, and felix seems to be very happy”

“yes, it’s still early days, but they seem to be doing fine” lee know replied

“he deserves the best so i hope this works out well for him”

“well it’s not the best time for this but hopefully they can make it work”

“what do you mean?”

christmas had already passed and with the new year came the new tour of the boys. they were leaving the next morning so they had insisted on having a dinner altogether before they left. they also used this opportunity to introduce felix’s partner to the rest of friends who didn’t know them yet.

“i mean, we’re going on tour tomorrow and long distance is not for everybody, it could be difficult for a lot of people, especially if they’re starting a relationship”

“i get what you’re trying to say, but you can’t control how things happen. it sucks that their relationship is still fresh and they have to part for some time now but it’s only temporary, and it’s not like they can’t contact each other or visit or some other thing” you answered him

“i know but this lifestyle that we have and everything that it involves… i just don’t know if all of that is worth it”

“i don’t understand what you’re trying to say minho”

“what i’m trying to say is that, yes i’m happy that he’s happy, but we have a lot of work to do and we are all over the place all the time and it’s not fair for any of them to have a relationship in this situation. you can’t control when you fall in love i know, but you can try to avoid it”

“avoid it?” you could feel something breaking within you

“i know it’s easier said than done and that not everybody might agree with me on this, but personally, i think this works better for me. i try not to have any relationships because, if at any point i have to give them up or i can’t give to the other person what they expect from me because i have different priorities on my mind, i won’t feel guilty. if i can’t give my all then i prefer to give nothing at all”

what he was trying to say did not sit right with you at all, it left a bitter taste, because what if he felt like this about every relationship that he had and not just romantic relationships

“what about me?”

“you?”

“yes minho, what if one day you wake up and see you have so many things to do that you realise you can’t be my friend anymore” at first you could see his point, but the last part made you furious with him. but it also scared you. you had come to terms with the fact that he may not feel the same way towards you, so you decided not to tell him your feelings for him in fear of him rejecting you and making things awkward and end up losing your best friend. but the sudden possibility of your best friend waking up one day and deciding that he had no space for you in his life anymore was even worse.

“i didn’t say that, y/n, don’t twist my words”

“no, minho, i understood you perfectly fine. you are afraid of having relationships because you may not have time for them so you prefer not to have them at all. so what makes you think that one day you’re not gonna wake up, realise that this idol life that you have takes up so much of your time that you don’t need other things anymore? that you don’t need me anymore?” you could feel your tears threatening to leave your eyes but you didn’t want to cry in front of him. not today.

“y/n i-“ you cut him off

“save it lee know, i don’t want to hear it” you just wanted to go home

“that’s not gonna happen with us” he tried to assure you

“how do you know?”

the look that you gave him shattered everything. it broke him inside. he had seen you angry a few times, but never at him. this time he couldn’t even come up with words. he was sure that that wasn’t going to happen to you two, but the way he had made you feel so insecure about your friendship, your life together, broke him completely.

you saw his eyes. you saw how he regretted what he had said. but if he said it, he must have meant it. you couldn’t believe that this was how you were going to say goodbye before he left for tour. the taxi stopped and you saw that you had arrived to your house.

“lee know i think it’s better if you go home tonight, you’re leaving early tomorrow” you told him while not looking at him. you couldn’t do it.

“y/n, please, listen, i-“

“have a safe flight lee know and enjoy the tour” and with that, you left the taxi, your best friend inside and with your broken heart on his hands.

it started as a fun and happy night. had you known it would end up like this, you wouldn’t have taken that taxi with him to your house at 3 a.m.

~

it had been two months since that night. the boys had come back from the tour that morning and insisted on having a welcoming dinner in felix and seungmin’s dorm. they were tired but they also wanted to catch up with their friends. you wanted to see them but you were also nervous, because seeing the boys meant seeing all of them. it meant seeing lee know.

after that night before he left, he tried to apologise but you two were stuck in a twilight zone. you messaged each other from time to time to let the other one know that you both were good, but everyone could see that you were lying. maybe he had taken things too far. maybe you too. but you couldn’t deny that you were going through a delicate point in your friendship.

you both desperately wanted to fix it. so you went to see them that night. when you arrived and said hello to the rest of the boys, you saw him standing there, waiting for you. he didn’t know exactly what to do. that was until you went and hugged him like nothing had happened. because you still had missed him, above all else you had missed your best friend. he hugged you back even tighter. when you separated, you both could see the other was thinking the same thing. you needed to fix things, but they could wait for tonight. at least until you were alone.

you spent the whole night listening to the boys and their stories about the tour. how chan fell during a rain show. how han had water gun battles with stays. how seungmin had gone and become friends with an alpaca. all of them making you laugh until your stomach hurt. you had missed them a lot. especially lee know.

the night came to an end and lee know asked you if you wanted him to go home with you. you said yes. it was time to fix things.

you two were sat together in the back of the taxi, but no one was talking. your mind was chaotic. you didn’t know where to start. you didn’t have to.

“i missed you” you heard him say

“i missed you too” you smiled at him

you heard him let a sight at that. he didn’t tell you, but he had been afraid that he could have lost you with your fight before he left

“look y/n i’m sorry about what i said before-“

“no, minho, i’m the one who’s sorry” you told him honestly

“why are you sorry?” he was confused

“because you were just explaining your feelings and thoughts and i completely overreacted and made it something that was not”

“no, y/n, you were completely right to react like you did. i worded everything wrong, i could see that but i didn’t know how to fix it. i was afraid” this surprised you

“why?”

“because you were somewhat right. i’m scared that my job takes so much from me that i can’t have relationships, so i don’t have them in the first place. but the real reason i’m afraid is because if the other person sees this, that this life is extremely demanding, they won’t want to be involved with all of that and will end up leaving me”

“minho…”

“you got scared and i got defensive. because i’m afraid that this will happen to us one day, that you will realise that i’m not worth all of this time away, this long distance, these long working hours, and you will leave me”

“minho i will never leave you, i never have, and never will, we’ve always stuck together and that’s how it’s going to be” you could see his eyes watering and you felt yours doing the same

“y/n i need you in my life, you’re the first person that i go to whenever something good happens to me, the first person that i run to when i feel everything is too much and i just need to be minho again, and not lee know. you are the person that i want to share everything with, long and short distance”

“minho what are you trying to say?” you got a feeling you knew, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up

“i’m in love with you, and i know i’m risking everything we have saying this, but after what happened last time, i couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t tell you this. you thinking that i could ever leave you behind when all i want is to share every single thing with you broke me. you deserve everything, y/n, and i hope you still want me to live through all that with you”

everything broke within you. this time from happiness. minho, your minho, was telling you he felt the same way about you. he was in love with you. he wasn’t going to leave you behind - you really should have known he would never do that - he was in front of you, almost begging you, to live and move forward with him, like you always had done.

“i’m in love with you too” you swear the look on his face when you told him was the happiest you had ever seen anyone in your life

“you are?”

“yes, minho, how could i not? last time i got so angry at what you said because i already knew i was in love with you but i decided not to tell you in fear that you wouldn’t feel the same and you would leave me. but then you said that and i thought that you could leave me anyway and i was terrified, minho, i’ve never been more afraid”

“i will never leave you” he grabbed you face with his hands, really looking at you, trying to make you see how serious he was about this. whatever life would bring, it would be with you two, together.

“i won’t leave you either”

and just like that, he kissed you. soft and slow at first. like he was trying to say with his lips all that he couldn’t say all this time. like he was trying to make you see that you were in this together. you smiled and felt him smiling as well.

“why are you smiling?”

“nothing, it’s just… i’m really happy” you smiled at him

“me too” he told you

you kissed him this time, hungrier but still trying to convey everything you had been hiding. you felt his tongue tracing your lips, you opened up your mouth and gave him permission. you had your hands on his hair, his arms were on your waist. trying to get to know each other in a new way, but knowing that you were going to do it together, that you were going to walk this path hand by hand.

it was in the back of a taxi at 3 a.m when everything that you both wanted started.

[jenscx]

GIRLS / GIRLS / BOYS — kim minjeong x f!reader

kim minjeong’s your best friend. you love her, obviously. but when did loving her become being in love with her?

TAGS — fluff, angst, best friends to lovers, highschool au, popular!minjeong, insecure reader, unrequited love, pining, slight sunghoon x reader, bisexual!minjeong, mentions of alcohol, cursing

WORDCOUNT — 6.4k

you had a type; delicate and gorgeous girls that definitely caused trouble, contrasting their looks. your ideal type comes in the form of kim minjeong, a girl that fits both the looks and personality. she was a cold beauty, one that you fawn over. her aloof and indifferent remarks in class, no doubt was the tipping point for you.

if she was a spider, you were a fly, one that gladly flew into her web of lies.

kim minjeong was an enigma— somehow keeping up her appearance as this visually appalling girl who would do no wrong, despite her actions.

“y/nnie,” minjeong’s enthralling voice whispers in your ear, “do you need help with that?”

that refers to the sheet of music you were currently holding. marked notes scribbled all over the paper, words like melody, accompaniment filled into the lines.

“ah… yes please.”

she’s enchanting, you think. minjeong leans over slightly, a small smile on her face. her now newly dyed blonde hair covers a portion of her face, only allowing you to gaze at her eyes. your own eyes trail down, from the crease in her forehead to the tip of her nose. it follows further down, to her glossy red lips, pouting at the sheet music.

“you made a mistake here,” the girl points out. her hazel eyes turn to you, crinkling into a smile, “y/n?”

you’re at a loss of words. normally, you had a lot of things to say, that’s why you joined the school’s debate club. but with minjeong? her beauty leaves you speechless.

“oh, thanks.”

“no problem,” minjeong checks the time, “hey, i gotta go. jiminie asked me to meet her for lunch.” you nod, snapping out of your delusions when minjeong refers to the volleyball captain with a nickname.

stop that, your brain says, she’s your best friend.

and your brain is right. kim minjeong will only ever be a friend. she wouldn’t be anything else, because she should settle for anything else. no doubt that she was someone who played with people’s feelings, but to her, you were off-limits.

without a best friend, who would she have?

and without her, who would you have?

kim minjeong was an enigma, yes, but she was also your best friend and coincidentally, the love of your life.

she was someone you dedicated songs to. the pining, unwillingness to admit your feelings, not being able to move on. as cliche as it sounds, you could not rid your feelings for her. how could you ever forget someone like kim minjeong? the crinkle in her eyes, the way she lights up when she sees a puppy, the soft gaze she lays on you, could you forget it all? you couldn’t. not in this lifetime, nor the next.

your heart automatically followed wherever she went. if minjeong decided one day that she wanted to uproot and migrate to europe, you would follow willingly. she was just someone that you would do anything for.

like pretending that you didn’t like chocolate just so you could give yours to minjeong. your teacher had a habit of giving out chocolate when you did well on a test, some sort of prize to be awarded for your hard work. you couldn’t resist minjeong’s puppy look towards the basket of chocolate and ended up pulling an all-nighter just to get a good mark for some chocolate.

it was all worth it though, the look on minjeong’s face when you handed her the bar.

(“don’t you like chocolate though?” she had asked warily.

“no, i don’t like eating sweet stuff,” you lied through your teeth.)

the look of happiness she had when you handed her a chocolate bar is something you would do anything to keep on her. minjeong makes you feel things— relief, exhilaration, excitement. she makes you feel vulnerable. she makes you feel human, alive. her presence in your life was the only reason you could live through each day. kim minjeong gives you strength, and is your weakness.

fingertips graze your elbow, slow touches trace the shape of your arm. a soft smile on minjeong’s face, you can only stare.

her gaze quickly darts away, smile brightening even more than it did with you. you follow her starry-eyed gaze, your heart breaking slightly when it landed on park sunghoon, the school’s star ice skater. he was somewhat like kim minjeong, quiet, unassuming and blessed with jaw-dropping features. another crack forms when you imagine the two of them together, because they do look good.

fate must be playing with you, since sunghoon turns around, an eyebrow raised at you two. you avoid his gaze while minjeong holds it. he must have left rather swiftly, since your best friend sighs dreamily and continues her rant about her new project partner.

your fists clench, forcing a smile onto your face as you listen to her. minjeong’s words barely enter your ears, since you’re too focused on that starstruck look in her eyes when she noticed sunghoon. you couldn’t blame her, he was a perfect match for her. it was only normal for her to gravitate to someone on par with her.

the background noise blurs, only the ringing alarms in your head existed at that moment. everything suddenly clicks. it’s like the universe has aligned perfectly for one second.

minjeong stares at you, worried. you barely said anything in response to her venting, only nodding and humming. your eyes were far cast, almost droopy.

“you good?” she reaches out to hold your hand.

you turn to her, shifting from her touch.

“yeah, just thinking.”

“about?” she questions.

no reply leaves your lips. it’s silent for a few moments. if anyone else saw the desperate look in your eyes, they would only feel sympathy. it was so damn frightening. frightening that there’s no guarantee you would be loved. frightening that the only person you would give anything for, would only leave you in the end.

“thinking about life.”

you didn’t know which was more tragic; the fact that you keep looking for minjeong everywhere you go, or the fact that she won’t be there one day to welcome you. maybe you shouldn’t desire so much. it would only end up hurting you.

“life,” minjeong repeated, “i think it’s pretty cool.”

you don’t respond.

“it’s pretty cool that we’re existing at the same time, together.”

it’s tragic.

“yeah, it is pretty cool,” you murmur, heart clenching into a grip belonging to kim minjeong.

you’re lying to your best friend.

the constant tug of attraction you feel towards minjeong bubbles lowly in your chest. as she converses happily with her other friends, you merely duck into your locker, pretending to be immersed in finding your textbook. you can feel when minjeong’s gaze lands on you. it burns through your skin, shocking your every vein. the bell rings and you sigh heavily. gulping as you try to manoeuvre your way through the crowd of students while simultaneously avoiding minjeong.

this situation (you didn’t know what else to call it), was brought upon by a striking realisation that you were high school seniors and that if you didn’t get your act straight, you would be stuck forever pining after your best friend.

a warm grip on your hand stops you.

“where are you going?” minjeong raises an eyebrow. you mumble, “home.”

“without waiting for me?”

“i… didn’t see you…” you murmur, nervously tugging on your bag strap, slung over your shoulder. your best friend huffs, throwing her own arm around your unoccupied shoulder, “well you’ve seen me now, so let’s go together.”

you freeze up, “i have a lot of homework… i need to rush home.” it was such a stupid excuse.

minjeong frowns. her arm in your shoulder doesn’t radiate the same warmth as before, it only weighs heavily, like the guilt in your heart.

“you’re kinda pale,” she remarks, “are you sure you’re okay?”

nodding, you shy away from her stare.

“you look sick, i don’t think you should walk back alone,” she says, an unfamiliar look on her face. you don’t know what she’s thinking.

you pull away from her embrace, “it’s okay, my mum’s at home. you should go hang out with your other friends.”

minjeong looks away, a flash of hurt shadowing her face before she retracts her hand.

“like who?”

shrugging, you turn away. something about minjeong makes you want to run far from her. the distance would hurt, but it seems that being around her hurt more. would you rather have minjeong as a friend, or not have her at all? you regret even becoming friends with her, it gave you a taste of her everlasting love. one that you would never receive the pleasure of acquiring.

“minjeong!” one of her friends called out.

her head turns and you take this opportunity to widen the distance between you and her.

you recognise this friend. hwang yeji, the vice-captain of the volleyball team. the group of girls behind yeji stare at you strangely. as she approaches, you cower behind your books.

“the girls were talking about the party yunjin’s holding later, just wanted to check if you were coming,” yeji says. minjeong glances at you. her hesitance makes yeji add, “park sunghoon’s going to be there.”

you resist the urge to tell minjeong not to go. your grip on your textbooks tightens.

“uh,” minjeong replies unintelligently, “i— i’m not sure? i don’t think i’ll go. i’ll text you guys later, or something.”

“you sure?”

your best friend turns to you, and she firmly nods, “yeah, i’m not going, i have something else to do.” you tilt your head curiously. minjeong wouldn’t give up the chance to see her crush so easily.

“okay, sure. let me know if you change your mind.”

minjeong waves her away and beams at you, “so, let’s go? i kinda need help with that chemistry homework mr lee just assigned. if you’re willing to help me, of course.”

you don’t have the heart to reject minjeong again. half-heartedly, you heave a sigh, “my house or yours?”

your reluctant agreement makes minjeong’s face light up. like a cute little puppy. she kinda reminds you of your neighbour’s dog.

“yours, obviously, it’s way closer,” minjeong rolls her eyes, bemused, “i missed your mum, is she cooking tonight?”

minjeong grabs ahold of your elbow, clinging onto it like a lifeline.

(she doesn’t know she’s yours.)

“don’t know,” you answer, skin heating up at her contact. your short sentences probably give your true feelings away, minjeong’s touch diminishing by the second. she sighs softly. guilt eats up at you, knowing minjeong would have more fun with her other friends rather than you. it’s all your fault that you can’t control your own feelings.

“what don’t you understand about the homework?” you ask, trying to reduce the awkward tension. minjeong shrugs halfheartedly, “everything. i wasn’t really paying attention during the lesson.”

you giggle at that, imagining your best friend dozing off in class. her head resting against her arm, lips parted and eyelashes fluttering shut. her hair parting perfectly, framing her small face. it wouldn’t be the first time seeing the sight. she would look so vulnerable and soft. sometimes, you want to shield her from the world.

“i finished most of it during lunch,” you tell her. minjeong stares at you incredulously, “you told me you couldn’t eat lunch with me because you were busy studying.”

your eyebrows raise, “is doing homework not studying?”

“well— no! it’s called homework y/n,” minjeong reasons, “you could have done it later and ate lunch with me.”

“then who would help you with your homework?” you retort back. minjeong gapes at you, like a fish out of water. you ignore her, muttering in faux annoyance, “maybe i shouldn’t help you anymore.”

minjeong bolts up, her bag almost smacking you in the face as she grabs onto you, forcing intense eye contact, “no! you have to help me! yizhuo sucks at chemistry and my other friends don’t even bother turning up for class!”

with a pondering look, you face away, pretending to think about what minjeong said.

regardless of your facade, you would always end up agreeing to her. but she doesn’t need to know that.

“please y/n!” minjeong begs, “you’re the only one!”

her words grip your heart, tearing it slightly. masking your bitterness with a smile, you pat her head, “just wanted to hear you say it.”

it’s true. you’ve always wanted to hear those words; minjeong telling you that you’re the only one for her, the only one who she trusts and relies on. you want to be the only one who’s exposed to all of her, the only one who can cause butterflies in her stomach to appear. you want to be her everything, only you, no room for anything else. because that’s what she is to you. your everything.

“you’re so mean!” minjeong whines. it’s adorable. you hate it. pinching her cheeks (and eliciting a small yelp from her), you reply, “you know i like teasing you.”

minjeong nods bashfully, her cheek flushed red from where your fingers previously brushed. she quickly sobers up, dragging you by the wrist. it’s your house, but the way she’s leading you, any stranger could think otherwise.

her fast pace despite her height swiftly brings you back home. you’re greeted by the sight of your mother’s back when you enter the front door. she’s humming cheerfully as she cuts up a variety of fruits.

“mum,” you greet, “minjeong’s here.”

your mother swerves around, she beams instantly when she spots the blonde standing next to you.

“oh, it’s been so long since y/n brought you here!” you glare at your mother, arguing back, “she was literally here last week.”

the older woman pays you no mind as she hugs minjeong, who eagerly returns it, throwing a smirk over your mother’s shoulder towards you. you’re reminded of the fact that your own mother probably prefers your best friend.

“did you get prettier, mum?” minjeong asks, dramatically gasping. your mother, despite being married and twice the age of minjeong, blushes like a schoolgirl. you roll your eyes and drag your best friend away from your mother, lest you witness their innocent flirting. you sigh in relief as the bedroom door slams shut behind you, drowning out the yells from your mother about you dragging minjeong away. your best friend merely snickers and makes herself at home. your eyes follow minjeong as she takes off her blazer and unbuttons her blouse, exposing the sharp angle of her collarbones.

you quickly look away when she sends you a curious stare.

“so,” you clear your throat, “what do you need help with?”

minjeong groans and pulls out her file, pouting as she takes out the worksheet. you sit next to her on the floor, leaning against your bed frame. luckily you had finished the worksheet already and understood the content rather easily.

as you explain the different questions, minjeong writes down notes, focused. you’re surprised at her diligence, normally minjeong would just whine and complain cutely about her homework whenever you would tutor her.

stray strands of baby hair fall against her forehead. she huffs, blowing them slightly. your eyes follow the puff of air.

“do you get it?” you ask softly. minjeong’s eyes flicker up to you, crinkling gratefully, “no, not really, but thanks for trying.”

you laugh, smacking minjeong’s shoulder gently.

“which part didn’t you understand? i’ll repeat it again.”

she merely shrugs, “it’s fine. i think i’m just doomed for chemistry. at least i have some notes now.” your smile fades before forming a frown. usually, she would beg you to keep going. her attitude now was a stark contrast from before. there was something bothering her.

“what’s wrong?”

minjeong glances at you, her lips pursed and unrevealing.

you somehow know what’s bothering her.

“you’re not burdening me, minjeong,” you murmur, “i’m happy to teach you.”

“that’s… i know, but it’s so… frustrating. i feel so stupid next to you. you’re always helping me out and i don’t do anything in return. i feel useless,” minjeong admits bashfully.

being minjeong’s best friend sucks. you hate it. how can someone like minjeong be so insecure beside you? if anything, you should be the one reconsidering your worth to her. the most popular girl in school’s best friend is some lame loser from the debate club. she shouldn’t be feeling like she’s useless. every second she’s on your mind. you would do anything for minjeong. and you wonder if you mean even a semblance to her life.

“you’re my best friend,” is all you can say, “helping you makes me happy.”

minjeong stares at you with wide eyes, tears brimming at the edge. her cheeks become increasingly rosy, tell-tale signs that she’s about to cry.

“you aren’t useless, i’m happy to teach you,” you repeat firmly.

seeing as she still has that defeated look on her face, she doesn’t seem to understand.

“i’m glad that you asked me to teach you. i’m happy that you rely on me for things like these.” you reach out a hand to wipe away the stray tear falling.

minjeong’s reply comes as a whisper, “then why don’t you rely on me too?”

your hand falters.

“i do,” you say in utmost sincerity.

“it doesn’t feel like you do,” she mutters, a pained look flashing across her face. perhaps, in your haste to protect your own feelings of affection, you have forgotten your duties as a friend first.

filled with guilt, you try to muster a comforting smile, “i know i’m closed off and it’s hard to read me,” minjeong nods, sniffling, “but with you, i try my best to be more open.”

maybe it’s a lie. maybe you do the opposite, building even higher walls when it comes to kim minjeong, in fear that she will be the one who breaks them down, allowing easy access to your vulnerability.

“do you really?” minjeong asks softly, distrusting. you can’t say it doesn’t hurt.

“i do, so please don’t say you’re useless.”

(because you're everything to me.)

“the stars would be so proud to know that their atoms created someone like you.” your words, filled with affection and truth. because really, some part of your soul has loved her since the beginning of everything.

“then maybe we’re from the same star,” minjeong replies. like soulmates, the words go unsaid.

“i think i’m okay with that.”

her eyes flicker back to yours, drawing you in with hypnotising big brown orbs. there’s a bubble formed around you, feeling as if time has stopped and all of the universe has aligned for a second. there’s only you and minjeong coexisting now. your hand stills, cradling her soft cheek and stroking it gently with your thumb.

“y/n,” her lips part, whispering your name. it just feels so right coming from her. hearing her voice murmur your name with such intimacy was heaven itself.

this situation is dangerous. you can’t control yourself. minjeong’s hand is resting on your thigh, sending shockwaves throughout your body. you can’t avert your eyes from her face. kim minjeong was too dangerous for you to be around.

with sheer willpower, you finally look away and drop your hand. it hurts to not look at minjeong, but it hurts more when you do, knowing that you will never get to have her like others will. her hand retracts immediately and she turns away.

out of the corner of your eye, you see minjeong hastily wiping the rest of her tears. it’s awkward. the silence and tension is damning.

you don’t know what to even say. you can’t look minjeong in the eye right now. if you did, maybe you would do something you would regret for the rest of your life.

“uh,” minjeong clears her throat and runs her fingers through her golden locks nervously, “i wanted to ask… do you wanna go to that party yeji mentioned?”

“why are you asking me?” you ask, genuinely curious. minjeong has never asked you before, knowing that you would much rather stay home than indulge in a night of dealing with hormonal teenagers in a sweaty crowd.

your best friend shrugs, “just thought since we’re graduating soon… maybe we should go together, for once.”

her words strike something in you. it is your last year, and you haven’t gone to a single party with minjeong. your reasons were that you might get drunk and do something stupid (probably confess to minjeong), and you did not want to potentially see minjeong all over someone. but with the hopeful glint in her eyes, you can’t bring yourself to deny her.

“okay,” you answer meekly, instantly receiving minjeong’s smile. the doubt of going to a party melts away, and instead a warm feeling of adoration sizzles.

maybe going to yunjin’s party won’t be so bad after all.

spoiler alert; it was, for mainly two reasons.

minjeong’s choice of a party fit was dastardly revealing. she probably had more skin than fabric showing, which as a best friend, you totally encourage, but as a best friend who’s also in love with her, it means that your eyes have not left her body since. the cropped white sleeveless top plagues your mind even as minjeong worms her way through the crowd.

your own clothes were tight against your skin, picked out by minjeong, who had spent more time on you than herself.

(“it’s your first time going to a party, y/n. you have to look jaw-dropping,” she had said, hand steadily drawing eyeliner onto you.)

minjeong eventually comes back to you, two drinks in her hands. your eyes snap away from her naked skin of her midriff, exposed by the shortness of her top.

“for you,” she grins, handing a drink to you.

your eyebrows raise.

“soju?”

“yeah, i know you don’t like the hard stuff,” she says, taking a sip of her own cup.

you raise the cup to your lips, tasting the sweet yet dizzy taste. humming in delight, your tongue darts out, cleaning the remnant from your glossy lips. minjeong smiles appreciatively at the sight, glad that you were finally letting loose.

a arm swings to wrap around your shoulder.

“surprised to see you here, y/n!” aeri grins widely, her smile rivalling that of the sun’s.

you settle into her touch, somewhat happy to see a recognisable face amongst the partygoers. if aeri was here, that probably meant jimin and yizhuo were somewhere nearby too.

“hey unnie,” minjeong greets, “I finally managed to get y/n out of her house.”

your smile falters.

why did it sound like a chore?

“that’s good, you only live once, y’know. let’s go dance y/n!” aeri exclaims. between the mess of people dancing and grinding up on each other, and the silence of the corner with minjeong, you would much rather stay with the latter. yet, the encouraging look from aeri pushed you to nod towards the sea of people.

minjeong’s hand flies to grasp onto your arm, an incredulous look on her face, “you’re dancing?”

you look at her over your shoulder, taking note of her furrowed brows, “yeah? i’m here for a reason… right?”

unable to refute that logic, her grip slackens and you’re dragged by aeri, who’s excitedly rambling about how fun parties were.

your best friend slips into the shadows of the house, nowhere to be found the next second you turned your head. well, at least you had aeri.

or, you did. the moment you whip back to talk to aeri, the girl had disappeared. panic shutters throughout your whole body. swarmed with sweaty bodies that radiated heat and the sickening smell of cheap beer, you desperately looked for a way out. your attempts go futile, unable to claw yourself away from the crowd of people. some familiar heads pop out; mark lee, self-proclaimed basketballer of the century, jang wonyoung, the girl with modelling agencies lining up to sign her when she graduates, park sohyun, certified girl crush of your school and girlfriend of equally popular zhou xinyu.

“hey!” someone yells loudly over the music. you instantly respond, distraught eyes tracking down the source of the voice. after a few seconds of looking, you catch park sunghoon staring at you with a hand stretched out.

shit. you think. turning back to the increasingly constricting crowd, you decide to take his hand and be pulled out instead of continuing to suffer.

free of the diminishing personal space you had, you let out a sigh of relief. you’ve never been happier to see sunghoon until now. the boy sends you an amused look. you probably look awful right now; you could feel your bangs sticking to your forehead, stained with perspiration and the sweat dripping down your neck made your top cling to your body uncomfortably.

“you good?” he asks softly, handing you a cup of water. you hesitate from taking it. sunghoon quickly takes a sip from it, stating, “i didn’t put anything inside.”

nodding, you gulp down the water like you’re dying from dehydration. finally quelling your parched throat, you take a good look at the ice skater.

jet black hair messily tousled. a plain, white t-shirt adorned with jeans. he wore a few accessories, like the sterling silver necklace around his neck. a boyish grin plastered on his face.

“i saw you come in, you looked a little,” sunghoon pauses, finding the right words, “out of place.”

“i don’t come to parties often,” you explain, feeling the need to converse with him as he had saved you.

sunghoon nods. he looks around for a bit before jutting at an empty corner, “let’s go there to talk. the music’s kind of making my head hurt.”

you would do anything to not get roped back into the dancing crowd.

the corner that you approached was right beside the staircase. damn, you stare at the intricate detailing of the railings, yunjin had good taste.

“why’d you come then? if you don’t like parties,” sunghoon asks curiously. you shrug, “my friend asked me to.” his inquisitive gaze doesn’t make you say anymore. after all, you don’t really want to talk about minjeong to her crush.

you lean back against the wall, muscles straining from tensing your whole body.

“your friend left you alone?”

“my other friend asked me to dance but she disappeared.”

sunghoon chuckles, “you looked like a fish out of water.”

rolling your eyes, you take another long gulp of water. somehow, you kind of understood why minjeong liked sunghoon. he was nice. and maybe if you were a boy and not her best friend, she would find you nice too.

“i never thought i would get to talk to you,” sunghoon suddenly professes.

you stare at him with wide eyes, stunned by his abrupt confession.

“i saw you for the first time during that debate competition,” he laughs to himself, “about the endangerment of animals.”

his eyes crinkle into a crescent of awe, “i remember thinking to myself, you must be the smartest person in our grade. then sometimes i see you staring, and it feels like you understand.”

and somehow, you know where this conversation is going. a feeling of agony crawls up your throat, threatening to blurt out that it wasn’t you that liked him.

“i’m sorry, this must be weird to hear.”

you force yourself to reply, “it’s fine.”

it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the constant buzzing of your phone. you feel bad when you see the plethora of texts minjeong has sent, all questioning your whereabouts. the last text was sent a minute ago, stating, ‘i think i see you.’

“we made eye contact once. it’s hard to admit but i kept thinking about it afterwards. i don’t know if i’m reading everything wrong but… do you like me?” he asks, eyes shining with hope. his body is awkwardly crouching down to meet your eyes.

as you struggle to answer him, a figure rapidly approaches.

“y/n! i’ve been looking for you everywhere— oh,” and of course, minjeong shows up now. no doubt she has heard the last part of sunghoon’s words. you direct a helpless look at her, praying that she lets you explain and everything will be fine.

“hello,” sunghoon greets, “sorry to take y/n away.”

he doesn’t look sorry.

minjeong nods, her entire body akin to one that’s frozen. deft fingers wrap around your wrist.

“i need to talk to you,” she says, staring into your eyes. sunghoon goes unacknowleged. unable to trust your voice, you merely nod meekly, bringing your hand up to wave half-heartedly at sunghoon as minjeong drags you away.

she brings you upstairs, which is slightly concerning because there aren’t any drunk highschoolers lingering in any rooms. was she breaking any of yunjin’s rules? what if the girl didn’t want anyone upstairs?

seemingly content with the balcony she ends up in, minjeong drops your hand and locks the clear doors.

you croak out, “why are you locking the doors…?”

minjeong arches an eyebrow, “in case you try to run.”

oh.

“what did you want to talk abo—”

“do you have any idea how scared i was? this is your first ever party in god knows how long and your number one instinct is to disappear with aeri? i can’t believe i just let you go without any supervision! and then i find yizhuo and aeri is suddenly with her? do you know how upset i was when I found out aeri just left you there?” minjeong says in rapid-fire words.

“uh—”

she paces around the balcony, fingers nearly ripping out her hair, “and then when i text you, you don’t even reply or read my messages. what was i meant to assume? i thought you were in some sort of trouble and i literally went on a manhunt to find you.”

only now you notice the sweat dripping down from her hairline.

“let me explain—”

“and where do i find you? chatting it up with park sunghoon! are you crazy? have you gone mad?” she shrieks in clear distress. you grab her by the shoulders, trying to stop her intense rambling.

“minjeong,” she breathes in sharply, “i’m sorry.”

a scoff.

“i didn’t mean to ignore your messages and i got surrounded by the crowd, i’m sorry,” you repeat. the girl finally calms down, her breathing stabilises.

minjeong sighs, “i was so scared. you’ve never liked parties and when you actually agree to coming…”

“it’s okay.” it really isn’t. some part of you is upset at minjeong, but the other part yearns for her, and doesn’t love blind people sometimes?

when did these blossoming feelings of adoration become something as strong as love?

“ugh, fuck,” minjeong furrows her brows, shutting her eyes shut and pinching her nose bridge, waves of frustration radiating from her, “and what the hell was park sunghoon talking to you about?”

you tense up. mouth suddenly dry and unable to utter a single word, you let minjeong bask in the silence.

“answer me,” she demands.

you clear your throat, “he thinks i like him.” it’s the safest answer, and it was the part she probably heard.

“do you?”

your eyes widen, “n-no, of course not.”

minjeong stares at you, scanning your face for any hint of a lie, “really? you’re telling the truth?”

“i don’t like sunghoon.” i like you, is what you want to say.

“seriously y/n, don’t lie to me. if you like him, you can tell me. i won’t be mad or anything,” (the constant grinding of her teeth tells you otherwise), “i’ll be more upset that you’re lying to me.” you don’t dare tell her you’ve lied to her before.

“i don’t like him,” you repeat, tired and exasperated. all you want now is to go home and get some rest. the constant bass-boosted music blasting in your ears is giving you a headache, combined with minjeong’s interrogation, you feel light-headed.

your best friend rolls her eyes. you resist the urge to just jump off the balcony. you can’t stand it when minjeong is mad, especially if she’s mad at you.

“i thought we were friends, y/n,” she whispers harshly.

your heart clenches, restrained from showing your true feelings like a straitjacket.

it’s maddening, to not reveal your own adoration for the girl. how sick is it that the girl you actually liked thinks you like another guy? the universe just hates your guts.

“minjeong…” your voice trails off. you reach out a hand.

she jumps away, as if burnt and your hand was acidic. pain shoots through you instantly. your fingers fall, devastated.

“i told you to rely on me,” she exhales, “if you think i’m mad that you like sunghoon, i’m not. i’m mad you don’t trust me enough to tell me.”

“i don’t like sunghoon, believe me,” you plead, tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall with every inch minjeong moves away. her whole body shudders and she strides towards the sliding doors, hand moving up to unlock the doors.

she sends you a bitter look, scathing and unlike the girl you love.

“i can’t look at you.”

this must be heartbreak. the scorching heat seething into the pores of your skin, burning your insides with fueled anger and pain. it’s as if someone has just poured gasoline into your body and lit it on fire. kim minjeong, the object of your affections, saying she can’t stand to see your face? it’s heartbreaking. tears run down your cheeks freely. the girl you’ve loved for so long, the one who claimed your heart without competition, kim minjeong. you feel your knees weaken, almost collapsing if it weren’t for the railing right next to you. your hands fly out to support yourself. you can’t breathe through the tears.

you can’t let it end like this.

“i like you,” you cry out as a last ditch attempt to preventing minjeong from exiting your life forever, “i like you, not sunghoon… s-so please don’t leave me.”

the girl stiffens up. she turns back to you slowly, surprise overtaking her body. your heart is racing, way quicker than usual, and it’s accelerating. you swallow any oxygen you can get. the pain coursing through you is too much to handle.

“p-please do-don’t leave…!” your tears cascade like a waterfall, blurring your vision. all you can see is a hazy vision of blonde hair and pale skin coming towards you. you continue through sniffles, “min..minjeong..” you feel incoming pain clashing into your head. blinking, your sight clouds.

“y/n? y/n!” minjeong yells, her arms reaching out to grab onto you. her embrace is warm and comforting, a stark contrast to the emotions she makes you feel.

“please,” you whisper weakly. minjeong’s grip on your top tightens, pulling you in closer as she murmurs words of comfort into your ears.

eventually, you manage to steady your breathing with the help of minjeong. embarrassment rushes through your blood, causing your cheeks to heat up.

it’s only the sound of your sniffles and heavy breathing that disturbs the silence of the night, the loud music below goes forgotten.

“you okay?” minjeong breaks the first wall to your heart.

you nod bashfully, rejecting the idea of lifting your head up, in fear you might never be able to embrace minjeong like this again.

“you like me?” she asks. the second wall collapses.

you nod again.

“not sunghoon?”

you shake your head.

she lets out a giggle. it’s so girlish and sweet, compared to the husky chuckle sunghoon let out previously. the third wall falls.

“i won’t leave you, i promise.”

“you can’t promise that,” you try to say, but it comes out muffled as you bury your face into her collarbones.

minjeong traces the baby hairs on the back of your neck.

“maybe. but i would like to try.” your heart is free to take now.

silence falls again. you feel a sliver of hope at her words.

“i like you,” minjeong says, “if it wasn’t clear enough.”

you groan, somewhat happily and self-conscious at your dense personality.

“why?”

“hm?”

you sigh, “why do you like me?”

minjeong contemplates for a few seconds before launching into a tirade of love confessions.

“i like how intelligent you are. i like when your arrogance comes through during your debates. i like you the most when you’re half asleep and i get the luxury of seeing you vulnerable. i like it when you help me with my homework. i like how you’re always so willing to assist me. i like how your eyes light up when you’re eating,” she caresses your rosy cheeks with her palm, using her fingers to push your lips upwards, “and i like the way you smile when you see me.”

the blooming feelings don’t diminish, they only come back stronger when minjeong strokes your face gently.

“why do you like me?” she questions.

you swallow the lump in your throat. could you even articulate how much you feel for her?

“i think of you day and night. you’re the only thing that occupies here,” you bring her hand to your chest, right above your heart, stating earnestly, “i like you because you make me feel safe.”

it’s entirely true. even if minjeong makes you want to build walls as high as skyscrapers, she will forever hold the key to destroying them. if she asked, maybe all the metal plates built around your heart would come crumbling down in a second.

“i was upset you liked sunghoon,” she laughs, “i stopped liking him in sixth grade and i have no idea why people still think i do.”

blood flushes your cheeks. you assumed the same.

“you’re always staring at him though…” you interject quietly. minjeong pats your head, “i like that one tracksuit he has.”

you’re taken back to the day when you caught minjeong staring at him. the memory of him wearing a navy adidas tracksuit appears in your head.

“he thought i liked him ‘cause i kept staring at him. but it was just me glaring at him when you were looking,” you frown. minjeong laughs heartily.

“i’m so happy,” she sighs, content. you can imagine the wide smile she has on right now. snuggling deeper into her embrace, you nod in agreement.

“me too.”

“want to let me show you how much i like you?” she asks teasingly.

and maybe you had more to talk about. and maybe you should beat up aeri for leaving you all alone. and maybe you should apologise to sunghoon for your abrupt exit. but those could all be done later. the only thing that mattered now was the feel of minjeong’s lips on yours.

kim minjeong, your best friend, and the love of your life.

[firelilyfox]

Crush

Dune : Paul Atreides x female reader

Warnings: None / just fluff

You have a crush on Paul & he might have the same feeling about you

This is my first fanfic on this platform & my first about Dune. Please forgive me for mistakes (English is not my first language)

comments/reblogs are appreciated :]

If you have any ideas what scenarios I could do next then let me know because this is fun!

——————————————————-

The sun was setting as you finally arrived. It was a long and hard day and you are longing for some comfort, but everyone of your friends was busy with drinking and making fun of the believers like Stilgar. Even your best friend Chani was nowhere to be found.

Only he was there. Paul Arteides.

The One. The Voice… or some bullshit like that. You weren’t one of the believers. In your eyes Paul is just a normal human being with a talent for big speeches.

You never really talked to him more than three words because the thought alone made you nervous. Since he joined the Fremen two months ago you had a little … crush on him. And obviously you weren’t really good at smalltalk. Especially when all of your people have eagle eyes on the boy you wanted to talk to.

But tonight he was alone. Nobody paid any attention to him as Paul was sitting in a shadowy corner by a small fireplace, sipping a drink. For a second you wanted to turn away and just going to bed like every other night, but something tells you to do the opposite.

„Can I join you?“ You asked bravely.

Paul looked up with a little smile on his face. „Please do. I’ve been waiting.“

You hesitate for a moment, frowning but you sit down right next to him. „What where you waiting for?“

He chuckled softly. „For someone like you to talk to me.“

„Someone like me?“ You asked confused and watching his smile getting even brighter. Paul has that kind of smile, that makes you want to smile too instantly. All you can hope for is that the flickering light of the fire conceal you’re blushing.

„Yeah. Someone who truly dislikes me.“

You smirked. „What makes you think that I dislike you? Oh, mighty Duke of Arrakis?“

A warm laughter escaped his lips and for the first time ever you really saw his face light up in enjoyment. „Oh please don’t say that. It sounds awful! I only said it because I was in the heat of the moment.“

„I liked it.“

His laughing froze for a moment and he looked surprised. „You liked it? Are you having a stroke or something?“

„No!“ You laughed. „I really liked it. Sure it was a litte … dramatic but in the end you have a talent to bring people together and give them hope. That’s pretty impressing.“

He shrugged his shoulders. „Nah, I’m just good at telling people what they want to hear I guess.“ He hesitated. „Chani told me that you weren’t one of the believers and that you think this whole Lisan al Gaib thing is just bullshit.“ Paul is offering you his cup and you accept to take a sip. Immediately the taste of wine fills your senses. While you process his words you lick some of the wine from your lips and catching him starring at them.

Did you just imagine how his gaze darkened for a second or did that really had an impact on him?

You clear your throat because all of the sudden your mouth got dry again. „You talked to Chani about me?“

A crooked smile shows on his lips. „Yeah I did. I was … I wanted to…“

„I thought you were good with words?“ You say to mock him with success.

„I am good with words! But you have the talent to make me forget what I wanted to say and how.“ His eyes are locked with yours and you are able to feel how your heart skips a beat.

You wanted to say something but your mind were blank. Paul moves closer to you, slowly to make sure that you were able to stop him at any time.

„I like how you unsettle me“, he whispered. You could feel his breath against your lips. „Every time I see you I find new strength. But I never found the courage to talk to you.“

„But you … you always seemed so … full of courage“, your voice was not more than a scratching.

„I’m good at pretending“, Paul swallows hard and his eyes darted to your lips again. „Sometimes.“

„Sometimes?“ You asked.

„I can’t pretend that I don’t want to kiss you right now.“

You wanted to say something, but before you were able to even catch a breath his lips laid on yours. Soft like the morning wind in the desert. His hand holding your cheek and pulling you closer as you gave in to the kiss. Your fingers find their way up his chest and into his curled hair.

A little moan escaped your throat as he intensifies the kiss and as an answer to your reaction, you could feel him smiling against your lips.

„I think Muad’Dib is enjoying his time with the Fremen!“ You two were interrupted by some drunk Fremen men cheering and applauding from afar.

Paul and you are giggling like kids. Both with red cheeks and swollen lips. „Your people like a good show, mh?“

„Only if the mighty Duke of Arrakis is involved.“

——————————

⌛️Paul Atreides Masterlist ⏳

[sturniololuvz]

“who the hell are you?”

meanmatt! x partygirl!reader — part 9

⸻

The text comes in late.

matt:

if you’re not annoying tonight you can come over.

You roll your eyes.

you:

you begging rn?

matt:

literally never.

movie night. the guys are here.

just come.

You stare at it for a second.

A few days ago, this wouldn’t have meant anything. Just another excuse to be in the same room, another night of pretending you don’t care that much.

But now?

After everything — after the kiss, the couch, the shift — it means something.

You grab your keys.

⸻

Chris opens the door before you can knock.

“Hey,” he says casually. “Look who’s still alive.”

“Hey, Chris,” you smile, stepping inside.

“Matt’s in a mood,” Nick mutters from the couch, already curled in a blanket. “So… good luck.”

“He’s always in a mood.”

“True.”

You clock him as soon as you walk in. Hoodie, blanket thrown over his lap, arms folded, pretending not to watch the door.

Matt barely glances up. “You’re late.”

“Didn’t know there was a call time,” you shoot back.

Chris and Nick exchange a look.

You settle into the far end of the couch. Chris tosses you a soda. The movie starts. It’s some old Tarantino film — Matt’s pick, obviously.

For a while, it’s normal.

Or at least, it pretends to be.

But the energy is… weird.

Not tense. Just aware.

Chris nudges Matt when you steal the blanket. Nick eyes the space between you like he’s trying to decide if he’s seeing what he thinks he’s seeing.

And Matt doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t tease. Doesn’t snap. Doesn’t even glance your way when your knees brush under the blanket.

It’s like he’s waiting. Holding his breath. Pretending not to want you close.

Which makes you want to move closer.

Of course it does.

⸻

An hour in, Chris gets up to grab food. Nick goes with him. They disappear down the hall.

And Matt — still staring at the screen — mutters, “You can come in my room if you’re bored.”

You blink. “What?”

He shrugs. “Movie’s ass. I’m over it.”

“Wow,” you deadpan. “Romantic.”

But you follow him anyway.

⸻

His room is dark. Quiet. Clean but lived-in.

He sits on the edge of the bed, hoodie sleeves pulled over his hands. You hover by the door.

“So…” you start, arms crossed.

“Don’t make it weird,” he mutters.

You raise a brow. “You’re the one being weird.”

“I’m not.”

You scoff. “You haven’t looked at me all night.”

“I’ve looked.”

“Oh?”

Matt glances up then — finally — and yeah. He’s looked.

You can feel it.

The weight of it.

Your chest tightens.

You step closer. Slowly. Testing the air between you. “So what now?”

Matt doesn’t answer.

But he pulls you in.

⸻

It starts slow.

Like neither of you knows how to start.

He sits on the bed. You stand in front of him. And when his hands find your waist, it’s tentative — like he’s waiting for you to flinch.

You don’t.

Your fingers card through his hair.

His lips part — like he wants to say something — but you kiss him first.

Soft.

Then again.

Harder.

It snowballs from there.

His hands drag under your shirt. You pull his hoodie off. He exhales like he’s breaking. You climb into his lap. His mouth finds your neck.

It’s not angry like last time. Not frantic.

This time, it’s like he needs it.

Like he needs you.

And when you pause — breath shaky, eyes wide — he whispers, “It’s okay.”

You nod.

And you let go.

⸻

Clothes fall to the floor.

Hands fumble, mouths crash, hips align. You make a sound when he pushes in — not from pain, but from the way he groans against your shoulder, like he’s trying not to fall apart.

It’s quiet. Almost too quiet.

You don’t speak.

You just move.

And every second of it feels like something that shouldn’t be happening, something that has to be happening, something you’ll never forget.

After, you’re tangled in his sheets. His arm slung over your waist. Breaths slowing in the dark.

You lie there. Bare. Vulnerable. Full of things you want to say but don’t know how.

And then —

“You look at me like I’m not a mistake.”

It’s so soft you almost miss it.

You turn your head.

Matt’s staring at the ceiling. Voice barely audible.

“Everyone looks at me like I’m just the pissed-off one. The one who screws shit up. The one who doesn’t know how to… do things right.”

You don’t speak.

He swallows hard. “But you don’t. And I don’t get it.”

You roll over. Rest your hand against his chest.

“You’re not a mistake, Matt.”

He doesn’t answer. Just stares up at the ceiling like he’s afraid to believe you.

You trace a line along his ribs.

And then, finally: “I don’t want this to fuck everything up.”

You meet his eyes. “Me neither.”

But neither of you says what it is.

Or what it means.

Or what comes next.

You just lay there — quiet, and close, and raw.

And somewhere down the hall, the movie still plays. The night keeps going. The world spins like nothing’s changed.

But everything has.

⸻

a/n: how as that?!

taglist: @sturniolo-szn2 @fadedstvrn @tezzzzzzzz @stayingstromboli @ivysturnss @sturniolofreakk @ihateemetoo @sturniolo-tease @sturniololuv3r @sturnsclam @nxra-cxm @csturniolo43 @mattspillowprincess @sturniolo-fann @izzylovesmatt @sturniolosymphony @bernardmatthews @bugs-tags @emely9274 @arianna1342 @stevielovesmatt @riggysworld @ph3ebssturniolo @whore4chris @amelia4chris @pizzapocketpocketpizza

[pensthoughts]

Hi! Can you do a fluffy/Angst with Van? Like r and Van use to date but no day r dumps Van and then at prom Van sees r on the bleachers by themselves and Van asked to date? And you do your stuff diva. Have a good day night and life!

bleachers | v.p

a/n: i love love love this idea! i incorporated some flashbacks to reader + van's relationship because i felt like it would blend in well with this, hope you enjoy <333 also i did not proofread this so i'm sorry if there's spelling mistakes i will fix them later lol pairing: van palmer x pastorsdaughter!reader summary: you broke van’s heart in a church parking lot. now it’s prom night, and the memories won’t stop — the bedroom confessions, the stick-and-poke tattoo, everything you tried to bury. she’s still looking at you like she did back then. and this time, you can’t look away. word count: 2k

prom — bleachers, present

the music is too loud. someone's playing "kiss me" like it's still romantic even though it's barely audible over the buzz of bad speakers and worse lighting. the gym smells like punch and floral perfume and cheap hairspray. you're sitting on the bleachers, hugging your knees, watching everyone else pretend the night means something.

you hadn't planned to come. honestly, you kind of hoped you'd be anywhere else. but jackie had begged, and you didn't want to explain why saying yes felt like a lie.

you don't look up when the bleacher creaks beside you.

you don't have to.

"hey," van says, like it's not the first time she's said it to you.

like it's not the first time in weeks.

you blink at the gym floor. "hey."

she looks good—stupidly good. loose tux jacket, tie hanging half undone, like she didn't care enough to fix it or she got bored halfway through. she looks like someone out of a movie.

which is unfair. because you're still trying to forget what it felt like to fall in love with her.

"didn't think i'd see you here," she says, voice light. careful.

"i wasn't gonna come."

"changed your mind?"

"guess so."

you reach for your necklace without thinking—fingers curling around the little gold cross that's always resting just below your collarbone. your thumb traces the edges.

there's a beat of silence. the kind that used to be comfortable.

then—

flashback — your bedroom, winter

van's in your bed, sprawled sideways with her feet halfway up your wall, wearing that oversized flannel that used to be yours. she's grinning at you over a half-eaten bag of chips.

"you're staring," she says

you shrug, trying to act normal, even though your heart is fluttering all over the place. "you're in my bed, kind of hard not to."

"is that a complaint?"

"not even close."

she tosses a chip at you, and you catch it in your mouth. van laughs like it's the best thing she's seen all day.

you want to say something brave. like i love you.

you don't.

instead, you sit beside her, press your knees to hers, and say, "you ever want a tattoo?"

she looks at you like you've just offered to fly the moon. "obviously, but, like, not the kind you can afford on minimum wage."

"what if i gave you one?" you ask, almost shy

van's eyes go wide. "you're telling me you know how to do tattoos, and i'm just now finding out? okay, pastor's daughter."

"well, not a real tattoo," you grin. "it's a stick and poke, i saw nat do it once. i'm practically a professional."

now in your bathroom, you're both on the floor, hunched over a clean needle and a little cup of ink you made out of pen caps and eyeliner. you drew two tiny fang marks on van's collarbone and swore you could do it right.

"you sure about this?" you asked.

van tilted her head to the side, hair falling over her shoulder. "if it's from you? yeah."

so you did it. carefully. slowly. holding your breath the entire time. she didn't even flinch.

when it was done, she looked in the mirror, smiling like she had something secret.

"now i'm marked for life," she said, nudging your shoulder. "guess i'm your vampire bride or whatever."

you laughed, but something about the way she said it made your stomach twist. in a good way.

prom — bleachers, present

now, under the hazy gym lights, you glance sideways at her. she's close enough to touch.

you tug at your necklace again, twisting it between your fingers.

"do you still have it?" you ask before you can stop yourself.

van looks over, brows drawing in. "have what?"

you nod towards her collarbone. "the tattoo."

she blinks. "of course i do." her voice is a little softer now, like you caught her off guard. "it's not exactly the kind of thing you scrub off in the shower."

you swallow. "i just wasn't sure. maybe you like—cover it up or something."

her eyes then flick to your hands, where you're still fidgeting with your necklace.

flashback — outside your church, early spring

you broke up with her in the parking lot.

van was waiting in her car, still wearing the hoodie you left at her place, looking like she hadn't slept. she was picking you up from church with plans to take you out after. you came out in your sunday best, your cross necklace glinting in the morning sun.

she looked at you, eyes hopeful. "you look really good today. i mean—well. you always do."

you didn't smile. you couldn't.

"i can't do this anymore," you said.

van blinked. "wait. what?"

you looked away, ashamed. "it's not you. it's just... this." you gestured to the church. to the steeple. to the weight of everything your family believed. "it's not safe for me."

"i'd never ask you to come out," she said quickly. "i know it's not like that for you."

"i know," you said, voice shaking. "that's why i have to let you go. you deserve someone who can love you in the open. someone who isn't terrified every second of the day."

van was quiet for too long. and then—

"so you don't love me?"

you didn't answer. you couldn't.

so you got out of the car without another word.

prom — bleachers, present

van's quiet beside you. there's a crease between her brows, like she's thinking too hard.

"i should've fought harder," she says suddenly. "when you left."

your fingers tighten around your necklace.

"it wasn't about you."

"i know," she says, quickly. "but it still felt like it was."

you swallow hard. "i wanted to say it back."

van tilts her head. "say what?"

"when you told me you loved me." your voice is thin, shaking. "i wanted to say it so bad."

she watches you.

"i was scared," you whisper. "i'd never said it before. not out loud. saying it made it real. and if it was real, then it could be taken away."

van doesn't say anything as you twist the cross between your fingers.

"i thought i could forget you," you say. "but i didn't. i never did."

still nothing.

you turn toward her, heart pounding. "van—"

"i still love you," she says, too fast. then laughs, nervous. "i was gonna be smooth about it, but i'm still the idiot who loves you."

your breath catches.

you reach out, hand shaking, and find hers. thread your fingers together.

and then, finally—you say it.

"i still love you too."

you watch her eyes widen, watch something break open across her face.

"i mean it," you say quickly. "i never said it before. not once. but i wanted to. i just—couldn't."

her hand tightens around yours. "i know you mean it."

"good," you whisper. "because i do. i always have."

a long silence. but this time, it's warm.

you squeeze her hand again.

somewhere across the gym, jackie's voice is echoing over the music, calling someone's name. lottie and shauna are laughing by the punch table. it's loud and messy and full of everything that doesn't matter.

but up here, it's just you and van.

like always.

for a second, you both just sit there. fingers laced together, the music fading into background noise. it's one of those moments that feels like a secret in the middle of a crowd.

van shifts a little, her shoulder brushing yours. "hey." her voice is quieter now, more serious but a little soft around the edges. "do you... wanna get out of here?"

you turn to look at her.

her expression is careful. not cocky, not teasing—just a little hopeful. the way she always looked when she was about to ask you something that mattered.

"like—leave prom?" you ask, a tiny smile tugging at your lips.

van grins. "yeah. you've done your time. you danced with jackie. you wore the shiny dress. you looked ridiculously hot. time to cash out."

you roll your eyes, but your cheeks are warm. "where should we go?"

she shrugs one shoulder, casual. "thought maybe we could hit the diner. the old one. with the stupid neon strawberry on the sign."

your breath catches.

that place.

it's where you used to sit for hours, tucked into the back booth, knees knocking under the table, van making you laugh until your milkshake came out your nose. you went after every game, every sleepover, every almost-date you were too scared to call a date.

it's where she first kissed you.

"van.."

she squeezes your hand gently. "just us. just for a little while. no corsages, no gym floor, no pretending we're not dying to be somewhere else."

you nod, already standing. "let's go."

diner — 11:47pm

the diner looks exactly the same. sticky red booths. faded black-and-white checkered floors. a jukebox in the corner that hasn't worked right since sophomore year. you slide into the booth by the window, your dress pooling around you, and van sits across from you, undoing her tie the rest of the way.

the air smells like grease and coffee and strawberry syrup.

"feels like no time's passed," you say, resting your chin in your hand.

van smirks. "except now i have a vampire bite permanently inked on me. so y'know. progress."

you laugh, and it feels easy again. not like before—not like before the church or the silence or all the aching weeks in between—but like something new that's been waiting to unfold.

the waitress drops off a strawberry milkshake without even asking. just gives you a wink and a "welcome back, girls" before dropping two straws and heading to the counter.

you and van both go a little red.

"she remembered," you whisper, half embarrassed, half smiling.

"of course she did," van says, sliding the milkshake between you. "we used to come here so much she probably thought we lived in the bathroom." you both reach for the same straw at the same time, and your fingers brush.

you pull back, but van doesn't. she opens up her straw and sips like it's nothing, like it's still her milkshake too.

"i missed this," you say after a moment. your voice is quiet, like it doesn't want to break the spell. "i missed you."

van looks at you, really looks at you, like she's trying to memorize every inch of your face under the soft fluorescent lighting.

"i'm not going anywhere this time," she says. "not unless you tell me to."

you blink back the sting in your eyes, nodding as your fingers reach again for the necklace around your throat, the gold warm now from all the times you've held it tonight.

"you always play with that when you're nervous," she says, gesturing toward your necklace, still resting just beneath your collarbone

"i'm not nervous," you say automatically, then smile a little. "okay, maybe a little."

she bumps your knee under the table. "i'm glad you're here."

you swirl your straw in the whipped cream. "me too."

"i used to sit in this booth after we broke up," van says suddenly, eyes on the table now. "like an idiot. just waiting for you to walk in again."

your chest aches in that slow, heavy way. "i used to drive by. every friday. i'd tell myself if your car was there, i'd go in."

van looks up. "it never was."

"i couldn't make myself stop."

you take a sip from the milkshake and meet her eyes over the rim. "so... is this a date?"

van raises her brows. "do you want it to be?"

you nudge the milkshake toward her and smile, "yeah, i think i do."

van's smile softens into something real, something quiet and warm. she leans across the table just enough to brush her hand over yours.

"i'm not gonna rush you," she says, "i know it's still complicated."

you nod, your fingers tightening around hers. "but it's not as scary anymore. not with you."

outside, the neon flickers. inside, your hands stay tangled. and the milkshake slowly dissappears between two straws, just like it used to.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶

i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)

have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖

i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...

i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned

mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭

i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔

i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends

i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about

people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled

in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol

the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭

its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭

mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)

i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.

its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!

she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!

she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"

she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)

she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.

he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.

THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.

she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7

but again, those are the consequences of HER actions

her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭

their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"

its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!

you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)

everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.

obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.

the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"

she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!

just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.

im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!

im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.

i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!

i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process

talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol

i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭

its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.

all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.

i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.

also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!

thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!

[tshxkitty]

turmeric latte - dealer!jimmy x reader

tw: drug usage, a little bit smut, and all that stuff

lowercase intended!

2,1k words <3

at the beginning i wanted it to be more angsty, but i love pathetic jimmy way too much so i changed it so its more fluffy lol

i hope it’s not to shitty

if there are any spelling mistakes or anything then i’m sorry english isn’t my first language!

Jimmy remembered when you bought something from him for the first time. just weed, nothing too harmful for you. you were cute, extremely nice to him. you were that type of girl that he could met in library, fell in love, forget about his harsh life and find a normal job. he remember how nervous you looked when you gave him the money “first time, huh?” he teased as he saw your trembling hands “don’t worry, i remember how scared i was when i was buying weed for the first time. damn, look at me now.” the way you chuckled at his words, the way you thanked him so politely, it made him smile even more.

you were just starting college back then, something psychology related, if he remembered correctly. you needed to blow off some steam with your friends, nothing new to you. college was hard, especially during the exam session. it made him think about his university days, which he only attended for like…six months? he quickly realized that law wasn’t for him, and found a job that gave him the same money he could get after the uni. the funniest part was that Curly finished it off and became a good lawyer…and always made sure that Jimmy wouldn’t get in any trouble.

he remember seeing you working your ass off in that small coffee shop near your college. he loved a good coffee. he knew that you didn’t even needed to work, daddy had lots of money to give you, but you always tried to prove everyone wrong.

The second time you came over to him you bought weed, again, so much more than the first time “party?” he asked as you gave him the money “yeah, i need to look cool for all the older students, right?” “…right.” you also brought him a nice cup of coffee. god, you were so sweet.

After that he didn’t seen you for about five… no, no, six months. he kinda missed your sweet voice and that pretty smile. so one day he just walked over to the café you worked in. Jimmy sat down on the bar stool, looked at you and tried to act surprised when he saw you working there. he couldn’t let you know that in some weird way, he actually missed you…and also you didn’t need to know that sometimes he took the longer drive home just to glance at you through the window of the café. you chatted for a bit, since the place was empty and you didn’t have much work to do. you told him that you stopped smoking, you were scared that you could get addicted way too fast, and that if your parents knew about that you would probably get in trouble. he understood that, at least for a few hours. you told him that you don’t really understand when others says that he is a shitty person, that he is a total dick. he wasn’t. well, not to you, at least. he kept on glancing at low neckline of your blouse, hoping that you wouldn’t notice that. you noticed that, obviously, he knew about that well enough, but he wasn’t planning on stopping. he could look at you for the whole day and he wouldn’t get bored for even a second. you told him that he looked a bit pale, so you made him the best drink he ever had - just some warm milk and honey. he realized that it smelled just like you. he was sure that you probably tasted like that as well. it made him melt, but he wouldn’t never let you know that. he cringed a bit at the thought but he wondered to what ingredients would you compare him. probably ginger, turmeric or some other spice like that.

“…you wanna come over for a dinner when you finish your shift?” “yeah, sure, why not” so you went to his place, ate a nice dinner that he prepared just for you and sat down with him on the couch smoking a joint. looking at it right now, he knew how badly he fucked up by offering you weed again.

somehow, you found yourself on his lap, bouncing on his dick. he held onto your waist lightly, it felt like he was scared to hurt you. why? he tried to tell himself that he was scared to lose a his favorite customer. yeah, sure, Jimmy, sure. he never was that soft towards anyone before. “jesus, you feel so fucking…good” he said as he kept on kissing your face “oh, stop it” the way you chuckled so softly at him, the way you bounced on him, god, it took him so much courage to not burst into you in the first seconds.

And then you disappeared again. he understood that, you had your school. you needed to focus on that, not on some weird drug dealer. yeah, bullshit. he was actually surprised to find out that you stopped working at the cafe, he thought that you loved that work, loved to find out new recipes. he liked to think about you telling him on the new drinks that you made. something with milk and honey was a must, maybe a bit of some spices. turmeric latte sounded really nice in his head, he wanted you to make it for him someday. and then you called him, wanting to meet him in that one parking lot that was always empty. classic spot. he showed up, of course. when you stepped inside and sat down at the passenger seat he couldn’t help but notice how tired and disheveled you looked. “you good?” “yeah, it’s just the time of the month, ya know?” he knew well enough that you lied. he knew that you found another dealer, that one guy that had literally everything, shit that could kill you way to easily. Jimmy would never touch that shit, no, no, he wouldn’t even keep it in his pocket for anyone else. and somehow that dude gave you everything for free. why? you probably paid him in a different way, yeah. but when they locked him up, you suddenly called Jimmy back. wow, how nice of you. why the hell were you like that? you were so perfect in his head. “…yeah, i get it” he gave you everything you wanted, he didn’t even remembered what that was. he didn’t want to remember. he didn’t take the money from you after thinking for a while about it “‘is okay, different payment this time, alright?” he knew that it was stupid. why the fuck did he actually do that? was he really that desperate for you? he never did that to anyone before. you were fucked up and he decided to simply use that. he was actually mad at himself for doing that. also, he covered for you, paying with his own money for your drugs. if his boss knew about that, he would probably fuck him over. but he needed you badly. he was so much better than that second guy, right? you probably never even slept with him, no, you wouldn’t do that.

he took out the small ziplock bag from his jacket, took some coke on his finger and rubbed on his gums. he leaned closer to you and did the same thing to you. with his finger still in your mouth he looked at the backseat and then back at you “come on”

he pressed your face deeper into the backseat, his hips rocking roughly against your ass. his second hand holding you by your waist, definitely leaving a mark from his tight grip. this time he didn’t really care about being gentle - it was probably from the coke, after all, it made him gain all the energy and strength that he needed in the moment. the sound of his hips slapping against yours, the moans and whimpers coming from your mouth and occasional groans leaving his lips filled the car - it all made him go even harder and deeper. “you know, i can’t help but wonder, are you always coming back because of me, or because of the drugs?” he let out a dry chuckle, his words flowing through his lips “doesn’t really matter, huh? you get high and then get dicked down. did that second guy did the same to you? yeah, he probably fucking did. god, and I was stupid enough to think you were a good girl. turns out you’re the same like all of those other sluts. you mean nothing.” he said all those things not even thinking about it. he climaxed, spilling himself deep into you, not even thinking about the consequences that he could occur from that. suddenly he found back all his consciousness and caressed your back “fuck, no- I didn’t mean to say that- i’m sorry.” but the look on your face was speaking louder than words. you looked sad, betrayed, even. he looked at you as you quickly pulled away from him dressed yourself back “you seriously think that low of me? i-i thought you were better than that, James.” you said, leaving him alone in his car. after few minutes he started putting his jeans back on, realizing how badly he fucked up with you. again. he wanted to blame you for the way he acted towards you, but the smell of your perfume in his car made him realize how stupid all of it was. that damn milk and honey. “fuck, i’m such an idiot.”

The last time you wanted to buy something from him was totally different. you came over to his place, looking like a mess. he knew already that you got expelled from your college, daddy cut off his money, so you were all alone, walking on a thin ice.

when you asked him to give you something, anything, he knew you were lost. and honestly, he was kinda mad at you for acting like that. “i’m not giving you shit, you’re fucked up already” he said as he sit down on the couch. you knelt down in front of him, trying to change his mind. he looked down at you, he didn’t want to protest, he really didn’t. he wanted to feel you again. and then he noticed your eyes. bloodshot, staring at him almost blankly, god, he couldn’t do that to you. “stop” he looked down at you as you tried to unbuckle his belt “stop, for god’s sake, you’re a mess” he grabbed your wrists and pulled you to the couch “i’m not giving you shit, that’s fucking pathetic, you know that? you have no self respect or what? you’re acting like a—” he sighed and run his hand over his face, trying to calm his emotions down. he looked down at you and that’s when he finally realized something. you were his addiction. the only one that he could take all the time. you changed him, for the better, at least he thought that way. well, you made him a bit more emotional than he ever was. “…i’m sorry, y-you should sleep, you look exhausted” he said and laid your head down on his lap, covering your body with a blanket. you stayed quiet, just listening to his words “…i’m sorry, i’m really fucking sorry.” he put his face in his hands. why the fuck he treated you like that? he knew well enough that you didn’t deserve that. you were a good girl, just like he always thought, you just got lost, and it was all his fault. he caressed your messy hair gently “i’ll fix it, i promise…Curly will help. yeah, yeah, he will.” he kept looking at you, he was scared that something might happen to you if he just looked in a different direction. you looked so peaceful while you slept. how could he let all of that happen to you? he was lost in thought for almost the whole time, even when he fell asleep with his hand in your hair.

When he woke up he was kinda terrified to notice that you weren’t there. he didn’t want to lose you again. he wanted you there with him, he wanted to help you fix your life. he walked across his apartment, and sighed with relief as he saw you in the kitchen. you looked better, more relaxed, sleep definitely helped. your hair was still wet, and you looked absolutely beautiful in his clothes. and your sweet smile was back.

“…i made you some turmeric latte, i thought you might like it.”

[oacest]

Patsy Kensit in Hello Magazine, Dec 19 2000

Was the news that Liam is having a child with Nicole the final nail in the coffin?

It's killed off any feelings - especially because of the way it was handled. He didn't tell us himself, we had to hear about it through the newspapers. But it didn't break my heart and I'm not devastated. People are feeling sorry for me because I'm on my own, but I'm not with anyone because that's what I want. I'm taking time to learn from this huge mistake and I couldn't possibly impose a male figure in my two boys' lives so soon after a marriage break-up.

But you must have felt devastated at times.

Of course there have been times during the last five months when I've felt devastated. The split was like a death. We were together for five years - and with that man it felt like a very long time! But I've been through all the selfindulgent romanticising and the pain. It's cathartic talking about it and you have to mourn it. There were some fantastic times but they weren't based on real emotions - you can draw your own conclusions from that. It was a false sense of things. I can honestly say that life is fantastic now. I'm so happy. I'm so pleased that all the mess I used to have to deal with is not my mess any more. I've moved on. I have a one-year-old son and an eight year-old son and they're the most important people in my life.

You recently said you cried every day for three-and-a-half years. Were you unhappy in the relationship quite early on?

Oh, much earlier on. I suppose my heart was first broken when the stories about other women started - I think before we even got married. Liam went missing the first week we moved in with each other. Then I'll never forget the Q Awards a couple of years ago when Liam chucked a champagne glass at the wall and stormed off, leaving me there on my own talking to Rod Stewart, who I'd known for years. It was so humiliating, I came out and there was someone from the News Of The World with a picture of Liam in a pub with some girl while I'd been in America. He said something like, 'Are you going to leave the love rat now?' And all I could say was, 'I love him.'  I can laugh about it now, but it's unacceptable when someone walk out the door and they tell you they'll be back at ten o'clock but actually come home four days later - when you didn't know  whether they were lying dead in the gutter or were with another woman. We had a baby. You can't live like that. It's not normal. It takes two people to kill a relationship and I reacted to his behaviour, but I wonder whether anyone else would have reacted differently under the circumstances. It was hard for me. I don't have the backup of a mother. I think I put all my love and energy into one person - the wrong person.

Did you think Lennon's birth would change things?

Anyone would hope so, but I spent five years trying to understand why he did the things he did and I cried too much over it; I don't now. I look at pictures of myself when Lennon was three or four months old and I look so unhappy. Now I have a twinkle in my eye again.

Why were you so swept away by Liam?

Circumstances. I was with Jim, who was obviously a completely different type of person. He worked very hard and encouraged me in my career, too, so we ended up spending so much time apart. I told Jim to his face about Liam - that I felt I was with someone who needed me with him all the time. And then, as work came up, gradually I didn't want to take it on because I was afraid to leave Liam alone. You can't imagine what it's like to call home five minutes after you've left the house and discover that person has disappeared - and then doesn't come back for three days.

Were you kindred spirits at the start?

No. We had nothing in common. We were very attracted to each other and it probably didn't go much further than that. I just got swept away. There was a lot of lust - but that quickly dies, doesn't it? I think I loved him. There was definitely a period of time when there was a lot of potential that didn't get realised. The idea of being consumed by another person and wanting to spend every moment of the day with them is a wonderful ideal and it was something I thought I had at the beginning.  But there has to be an intellectual meeting of minds to back it up. I didn't pick a book up for five years and I'd always been a book head.

Is Liam not a bright guy?

I wouldn't want to comment on that. I'm talking about these things in a forthright way because I think people are appalled by the way he's behaved. But I'm not any more. I'm not surprised. How could I possibly have expected somebody who was behaving that way to change? Now I understand that it's not necessarily your fault. The things people do are not because you're not enough for them; it's within them. I'm just surprised I put up with it. But it's not for me to be negative about him now because that's going to hurt Lennon.

Liam was a 22-year-old rock star. Don't you think you should have known better?

Liam wanted to be with me and I wanted to be with him. But I should have known better. The writing was on the wall, what with his disappearances and constant reports of him being with other women. But I was convinced it wasn't true when it obviously was. I chose to believe it wasn't true until something that's plain to see was obviously happening. I can honestly say that I don't feel anything at all for Liam now. I really don't.

Did you ever think, or hope, that you might be reconciled?

There were a good seven or eight weeks when I felt sad about the split because of Lennon. But even before the most recent news, I knew it was the right decision. My life changed so dramatically: I was getting work offers when before I hadn't for five years. People didn't want to employ me because it was too much of a risk. I was a strong person but I don't know how anyone could deal with the things I had to deal with.

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