#a matter that always gives me a headache is how people read my post about the issue of jason being portrayed as psychotic

[boyfridged]

this is only vaguely related to my last ask but it got me thinking again how much i don't like the type of scrutiny that some people engage with when it comes to headcanons. don't get me wrong, there is plenty of headcanons that i despite when they appear in a particular context because they clearly come from a place of total ignorance and sometimes even borderline malice; and there are ways of writing about characters that are very obviously rooted in reactionary attitudes. but i have also seen situations in which people of specific ethnicities were told they were not supposed to hc a character to be said ethnicity because of the classist implications. i have seen people saying that headcanoning a particular character to be trans is too stereotypical and that it makes them "sick." i've seen people annoyed about characters being a particular religion because "there's another character who was said to be that religion before" (shocking and upsetting to some americans especially: religions are real and usually have more than one follower so they don't have to be assigned to a single character per title as their token.) and idk i think we should all pause for a moment and remember that the pieces of identity that people assign their favourite characters are often their own. there are ways to reclaim these cliches too. it's a matter of intention. people often read themselves into their beloved pieces of art. and maybe it does not always create the truest image of the author's intention nor a revolutionary picture of minority rep, but no one claims it does.

[mrs-gauche]

Let's talk about the Red Lyrium Idol

(…Because it's not like this thing has been discussed to death over the past ten years, right? 😂 *drops my two cents in the Scrooge McDuck money bin*)

Ah yes… The red lyrium idol. The one thing that's given me a headache since 2018, as I'm still trying to figure out how this damn thing could possibly fit into my bazillion tinfoil theories.

Whether it's the first official DA4 teaser in 2018, the Blue Wraith comic series or the entirety of the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, a lot of the supplementary media and promotional stuff setting up the course for DA4 seems to be centered around the idol. Quite literally, in some cases, like this mural from the first 2018 teaser:

It certainly led us to think that the idol won't just be another McGuffin (or so I hope lol), but other than that, it's still heavely shrouded in mystery…

Which is why I will now make an attempt to unravel this and gather every single bit of information we have on it (so far) and maybe that'll get us closer to some sort of answer in the end (actually, it won't, because this got SO long that I had to split this post in two parts lol No one's going to read all of this anyway 💀)!

Look, I just needed to get this behemoth of a post out before we might get an actual substantial trailer tomorrow and none of this will probably matter anymore. 😂💀

(Note: This whole thing was initially intended to be solely for myself to keep track of any information we've gotten about the idol since DA2. But since it's gotten SO long over the years, I figured why not just rewrite it into a somewhat coherent text and post it on here? :D ......Seriously, it's really, REALLY effing long.)

The Idol's Journey so far

To me, the idol always seemed to be something like "The One Ring" in LOTR. A forged ancient artifact with creepy unknown powers that is said to feel "alive", almost as if it possesses a will of its own, seeing as it has somehow found its way from countless random people, back to (presumably) its former owner. It also appears to be somewhat cursed, given that almost everyone who held it at one point seems to have died or gone mad by now (Yeah, I'm very worried about Varric and Hawke 👀).

Let us start with a quick summary of the journey the idol has made in the span of about 12-13 years (not counting the unknown timespan in which the last chapter of Tevinter Nights takes place):

First discovered by Hawke and Varric in an ancient Thaig in the Deep Roads.

Stolen by Bartrand, who then made a quick trip to Rivain.

Sold to Meredith, who turned it into a sword.

Taken out of Meredith's petrified corpse by Carta dwarves.

Sold again to a Tevinter mage, who brought it to House Qintara in Ventus.

Handed to a secret agent of Fen'Harel named Gaius (who was impersonating Magister Qintara).

Traded away to Tractus Danarius.

Handed to Magister Nenealeus at Castellum Tenebris to be used as part of a ritual.

Picked up by Cedric Marquette after the fortress fell, while trying to escape.

Handed back to Tractus Danarius, who then probably (not confirmed) went to Nevarra to perform another blood magic ritual.

Picked up by a Mortalitasi who (maybe) took it to Tevinter.

(Supposedly!) ended up in a vault under an auction house in Llomerryn in Rivain, where it was (supposedly!) retrieved by Solas.

That's quite the journey… that you wouldn't even know half about if you didn't read the comics or Tevinter Nights. But whereas the book and comics were all published after the first teaser trailer in 2018, after which the idol became the center of the fandom's attention and speculation, it should be noted that a connection to the idol was in fact already made way back in 2014, when people noticed that the image of Solas holding Flemeth's lifeless body at the end of Inquisition was very reminiscent of something else.

...Which brings us to the point of what the idol is even depicting to begin with.

Description

Before I'll start to give my own description based on the models in-game, the teaser and concept art, I'd like to quote the people who've actually seen it in person.

In the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, we are being told three tales by three different people, who all describe the same idol differently.

The Carta Assassin: "A couple hugging, too thin to be dwarves - but it's sitting there, glowing softly like a ruby lit by the grace of the Maker himself. […] It's heavier than you'd think - lyrium's heavier than you'd think, too, but this was heavy even for that. When I hefted it in my hand, it was like it wanted to keep moving, like it was liquid inside."

The Mortalitasi: "An idol crafted from red lyrium, which seemed to show two lovers, or a god mourning her sacrifice. It whispered in our minds when we saw it […]."

The Orlesian Bard/Solas: "He whispered something as he picked it up, tracing his gloved fingers gently along the crowned figure who comforted the other."

The one thing that all of these seem to have in common though is two figures who embrace each other in some way.

Which is interesting, because in all the depictions of the idol we've seen so far, it clearly shows three people instead of two. Granted, the third figure is a bit cramped up in the back of the crowned figure, but what's strange is that not even Solas himself mentions this third figure.

Most notable though is the crowned female looking figure in the center, which is holding onto the two other figures on each side of the ring shaped object (or it's the two figures holding onto the female?). The figures themselves look rather goulish, deadly or skeletal, with their bone structure clearly visible and all their expressions captured in a mix of horror or torment. The small carved-in lines coming from the middle figure's eye sockets also resemble black tears, much like we've seen on "The Mother" in Awakening.

There's also no sign of clothing, which is all the more apparent on the concept art of the idol, in which the breast of the middle figure is.. much more prominent. lol (We don't make fun of saggy boobs in this house, it's just nature and gravity after all, but for the sake of observation, I will note that they do remind me of Broodmother boobs, too 😂), aside from a hint of what could be a veil on the middle figure's head.

At the bottom of the idol, the lower bodies of the figures seem to fully submerge within its name-giving red lyrium and this "claw" type thing, which is coming off in the shape of crystalline red lyrium spikes at the tail end, though in the concept art and the DA2 model, these spikes were clearly more like red lyrium roots. But either way, the bottom makes it kinda look like it's been broken/ripped off?

We can also see tentacle like features, that remind me of the figures we've seen in the mural in the 2020 teaser and the depiction in the 25th anniversary book that revealed to us what the Archdemons were initially supposed to look like. 👀

I'd also like to point out that in the original concept art of the idol, the ears of the crowned figure look much more pointy to me than in later versions. 👀

There's also this "ring", that I've seen many people connect to how the Veil is often portrayed in Solas' murals.

But if this ring is supposed to depict the Veil, then what could it mean for the crowned figure reaching across to hold that ominous third figure on the "other side"?

And yes, I recognize that this ominous third figure also seems to be missing a left arm, just like another certain main character. 👀

The one thing that stands out the most though, is probably the crown itself. Most people might first associate it with Andraste, when the same shape can be traced as far back as ancient statues of Mythal.

Yeah, there's definitely a pattern here. 😂

That being said…

Connection to Mythal & Solas

Okay, we all know about the theory that Andraste might have been Mythal's previous host, right? We all know about the parallels between Mythal's story, Andraste, Flemeth, etc. And after comparing the idol to Flemeth and Meredith in their moment of death, considering all of the above/following and how old this thing potentially is, I will now make a wild guess here and argue that the idol is in fact depicting Mythal's death.

"He whispered something as he picked it up, tracing his gloved fingers gently along the crowned figure who comforted the other. But I could not make out the words, for I fear they were elven."

Not only does Solas seem to hold sentimental value for whoever the crowned figure is supposed to be, while also talking to it in elven, but the way he describes to "caress" the idol in Tevinter Nights does also seem to mirror how Flemythal was comforting him at the end of DAI.

However, I always thought it was a bit odd how Solas describes the idol as "a figure comforting another", when… tbh, "comforting" would probably be last thing that comes to my mind when I look at this...

"Agony" would be more fitting here, maybe? lol Kinda begs the question of how Mythal was murdered, too, with this being her expression in her moment of death? 👀

Without getting too much into it here, if there's one thing we can take from everything we've learned so far about their past, Solas' relationship with Mythal must've been a rather complicated one, to say the least.

"He did not want a body, but she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face."

Solas calls Mythal "the best of the elven gods", calling her "the mother, protective and fierce", and Solas is even described in the designer's notes as "Mythal's oldest friend" who is all about free will, yet if the spirit origin theory is true and Cole's cryptic comments in Trespasser are in fact about them, it was Mythal who gave Solas a body against his will, potentially bound/enslaved him with her vallaslin, and maybe even forced him to act against his original purpose?

"You should have seen me when I was younger. Hot-blooded and cocky, always ready to fight."

Cole: "You didn't do it to be right. You did it to save them." Inquisitor: "Solas, what is Cole talking about?" Solas: "A mistake. One of many made by a much younger elf who was certain he knew everything."

How much of what happened was Solas acting out Mythal's will, or rather, acting out of vengeance and pain in reaction to Mythal's death? How much of it was him acting downright impulsive?

Solas: “Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself, he must forgive.” Varric: “You don’t just forgive someone killing you.” Solas: “You don’t. A spirit can.”

Or was it Mythal's death itself that "wounded him and perverted him from his purpose", just like he described what happened to Cole?

And what does that say about Mythal then, when she clearly hasn't forgiven her murderers and still strives for vengeance after all this time? What if Solas' own perception of Mythal and all the circumstances surrounding her murder is warped because he was once bound to her? 👀

Anyway. To get back to topic.

So if we assume that the idol is in fact depicting Mythal's death, then that brings us to the next question of why the idol is even made of red lyrium? Or rather, what is Mythal's connection to red lyrium?

We know that red lyrium is tainted blood of a Titan. Mythal was the first to kill a Titan and mine their blood for things we won't get into in this post. So, how did the idol end up in the Deep Roads, anyway? How long had it been there? One thing that's kinda strange to me, is how the DA wiki page about the idol says that it was forged by the dwarves, solely based on the fact that it was initially found in the Deep Roads, when we have no actual evidence for that. We've seen statues of both Mythal and the Dread Wolf in the Deep Road section in Trespasser where the mining of lyrium was undergone, but we don't know if the dwarves even had any part in building them as well.

Would the dwarves forge an idol of the elven deity who conquered them and killed their Titan, if they were somehow forced to do so? We also have to remember that dwarves were and still are the only ones able to actually mine raw lyrium safely, but even the Carta dwarves in Tevinter Nights had to take several precautions in order to recover the red lyrium idol from Meredith's corpse. And even then, many of them still fell shaking or went mad in its presence like Bartrand.

So if it only takes that little exposure to have that much of an effect on someone's sanity, how were the ancient dwarves or anyone even able to create it in the first place? What if the idol was initially made of blue lyrium but was then somehow corrupted?

And if we take one moment to really think about what an idol actually is.

"An object representing extreme devotion and religious worship to a god."

While Solas doesn't think of any of the Evanuris as actual gods, he still seems to hold Mythal at such a high regard that he wouldn't even speak of her at a sacred place like the Temple of Mythal (whether or not that was because he just wanted to withhold any secret ancient knowledge). He's able to fully recite the invocation to Mythal if you bring him with you to her altar. He also looks exactly like the sentinels in Mythal's temple.

I could go on, but generally speaking, there are so many little hints pointing to Solas being a former slave/servant of Mythal that, again, we won't get into here, but it's important to mention when trying to figure out why the idol (presumably) even belongs to Solas.

"The idol's journey is now complete, and it has found its master."

In Tevinter Nights, the Dread Wolf claims that the red lyrium idol belongs to him. He also made sure to punish those who tried to misuse it, going so far as to march in with an entire army of spirits and snapping a guy's neck with his jaw. (Yup, you're better off not to touch the Dread Wolf's stuff for dirty blood rituals, kids.)

"You use my idol carelessly, and in doing so, you threaten all creation."

Additionally, in the last chapter of Tevinter Nights, Charter and other spies conclude that Solas must need the idol for whatever ritual he's planning, while Solas in Bard disguise claims that he's already in possession of the idol now and therefore, I quote, "cannot be stopped". (Though I personally still don't actually buy a single thing about his vivid tale at that auction house, but we'll get back to this later. lol)

And if the idol belongs to Solas, was he the one who created it, or did he order the dwarves or someone else to make it for him? But why would he intentionally make an idol out of red lyrium, anyway? He is fully aware of the dangers and corruption that comes with being exposed to red lyrium and its use. Especially considering that red lyrium is blighted and how he repeatedly expresses great concern over the Blights and gets furious over the Grey Wardens' attempts to preempt them by killing the Archdemons (because he obviously knows more than us).

So, does he know a way to use it without getting corrupted like everyone else? The Seekers of Truth are so far the only ones we've seen to be immune to red lyrium thanks to having their minds touched by a spirit of Faith during their vigil. Could Solas' connection to spirits/his hypothetical spirit origin allow him to use the idol without it effecting him?

But if any of this is true, then l'm again asking myself what even was the purpose of the idol to begin with? Why or when was it created? How does it differ from any other red lyrium, and what could Solas have used it for in the ancient past?

Powers & Effects

So, let's talk about what this thing can actually do (as far as we know).

(Btw, this is the part where I will shamelessly copy a lot straight from the DA wiki, because truth be told, I'm just a German struggling with limited vocabulary and I figured there's simply no way to summarize this any better than the wiki already has. 💀)

Just like any other red lyrium, we know that being exposed to the idol for too long will make you mad/paranoid/possessive/violent, while also grant you special powers, until overuse causes your body to be completely overtaken by red lyrium. It seems to thin the Veil wherever it is currently kept, allowing spirits or demons to interact with the physical world.

It also emanates a song that is slowly turning people who hear it insane.

The Song

"It sings… sick music." "It eats you inside until you're nothing." "It creeps into your thoughts, humming." "They hear a different song. The song behind the door old whispers want opened. They are dead and dark and done." "Songs screaming far away. It wants to wake up but can't remember how."

(- Cole's comments about red lyrium/red templars)

After Bartrand took the idol and left Varric and Hawke to die in the primeval Thaig, he started hearing voices, claiming the idol was "singing" to him. Even after selling it, Bartrand could still hear the idol and was eventually driven mad by its red lyrium.

Three years later, it is discovered that Bartrand had chipped a piece of the idol off and left it in his estate, which causes the house to behave like it was haunted and the Veil was torn.

Then during the "Haunted" quest, Varric himself remarks several times to hear music while walking through the estate, much like the Carta assassin in Tevinter Nights recalled to have heard "music in the wind, like some old song I heard as a kid but can't quite remember" when obtaining the idol from Meredith's corpse.

Important to mention here is that Varric seems to also be the only one in the party able to hear this song.

Varric: "Hey… is that music? Where is that coming from?" Hawke: "In don't hear anything." Varric: "Where is that singing coming from? You hear it, right, Hawke?" Varric: "Where is that voice coming from?" Hawke: "What voice?" Varric: "I can barely hear it… I wish I could make out the words."

Varric also told us that, after Bartrand went mad, he tortured his non-dwarven servants by cutting pieces off them to help them "hear the song".

(And remember, the idol was found in an ancient primeval Thaig in the Deep Roads, sitting on something like an altar, indicating that it was being worshiped by the ancient dwarves as well. Presumably because they too were being influenced by the idol's/red lyrium's song?)

Haunted

During the "Haunted" quest, we learn that the mere presence of a shard of the idol in the estate causes:

"Voices whispering in the walls"

Random objects moving on their own

Apparitions/screaming spirits appear running across the floors

When Varric picks up the piece of the idol, he starts to exhibit the same symptoms of madness Bartrand showed, at which point Hawke can either let Varric keep the piece, or can take it from him with the intent of having Sandal destroy it.

If Hawke asks Anders to diagnose Bartrand in Act 2, he suspects a demon at work, however Bartrand is a dwarf. Instead, he determines that "his mind has been poisoned by something powerful".

In Tevinter Nights, the Carta assassin recalls that, in the attempt to retrieve the idol from Meredith's corpse, most of his colleagues fell shaking and whispering the closer they got to it.

Meredith

After Bartrand sold the idol to Meredith, she reshapes it into her sword Certainty, which does eventually drive her insane as well. It also gives her unnatural powers, such as the ability to animate the statues in the Gallows, and even limited flight capabilities.

(My question is though, were the things happening in that final fight directly caused by the idol or was this just the result of the Veil being already weakened that much by the many terrible things that happened at that place/Kirkwall in general?)

Anyhow, during the final battle at the Gallows, Meredith overuses the lyrium sword, causing it to burst into dust and petrify her into a statue.

Though as we all know now, some part of Meredith seems to have survived somehow, as her… mind(?) or something was shown to now still "live" within the red lyrium somewhere in Kirkwall at the end of Absolution. She (or "it") also seems to have somewhat control over the red templars now, too.

So, how is this possible? What exactly is she now, if it even is herself and not just a manifestation/echo of her memories or something? Could it have something to do with the idol? No one really knows (and we might never find out, if Netflix won't give us a second season, anyway lol), but I do think it's curious how the idol is likely depicting Mythal's death, who didn't actually die either and lived on through the ages as a type of lingering "wisp" clinging to various hosts. 👀

I also want to point out how Solas did suspiciously include Meredith's petrified corpse in his mural in the 2020 teaser as well, placing her right under that ominous upside down figure with the tentacles.

Furthermore, just like Meredith, the idol also seems to be somewhat indestructable. lol After Meredith's sword burst into dust, it regrew inside her petrified corpse (which Solas was apparently also aware of). What's interesting is that it regenerated in Meredith's chest of all places. You know, like, where the heart is supposed to be? 👀

Then there's also this curious line from Anders, when talking about Varric acting strange after obtaining a shard of the idol:

"This thing's magic seems only more potent when broken."

I've mentioned it before, but with the spikes (or roots in DA2) at the bottom part of the idol making it look like it was ripped or broken off of something, you have to wonder if its current state is somewhat broken, even after regenerating.

"Hot-Blooded"

During the Haunted quest, Fenris will remark this:

"Whatever is here is angry."

In DAI, Cole repeatedly comments on how red lyrium feels "very angry" and how it is "less angry when it's cold". We know for a fact that red lyrium emanates a noticeable heat. A corrupted Bartrand is especially weak to cold/ice magic.

While anger is generally associated with heat, I find this aspect particularly interesting, given that red lyrium is tainted blood of a Titan.

And building on that, while still searching for further connections between red lyrium, the idol and Mythal… Remember how the ancient sarcophagus in the Blue Wraith and Dark Fortress comic was used in a ritual, in which lyrium combined with fire of a Great dragon carved lyrium infused markings into Fenris' and Shirallas' skin, granting them special powers.

Not only was this ancient sarcophagus specifically built only for elves, and its design resembling that of Mythal's statues…

…but here we have a case in which lyrium is purposefully "set on fire" by a Great dragon to create "elven super soldiers". Mythal is always depicted as a dragon. And she mined lyrium in humongous amounts.

Again, red lyrium emanates heat. If this was common practice in ancient times, then I feel like it's not surprising that a Titan would eventually be pretty damn angry in reaction to its blood being continuously burned for centuries [insert boiling blood joke here].

So, aside from the red lyrium being blighted, could there be a connection in Mythal burning the Titans' blood? As far as we know, it did take a couple of aeons in which Mythal (presumably) continued to mine (and burn?) the Titans' blood, before the ancient elves sealed the Deep Roads for good, because they discovered something… bad. As Solas himself declares in the vision described at the mural depicting a Titan's death:

"Let this place be forgotten. Let no one wake its anger." "The vision grows dark. An aeon seems to pass. Then the runes crackle, as if filled with an angry energy. A new vision appears: elves collapsing caverns, sealing the Deep Roads with stone and magic." "Terror, heart-pounding, ice-cold, as the last of the spells is cast."

And there it is again. That anger we're talking about. What's so interesting to me, is how this does sort of come full circle with Mythal and the idol after all, since the motivation behind Mythal's actions, even after thousands of years, remains her unwavering desire for vengeance upon the people who betrayed and murdered her, which, in a way, does mirror the same anger/heat that the Titan is emanating from its tainted blood.

And speaking of blood……

A Ritual Blade

In Tevinter Nights, we learned that the idol is able to produce a blade, which is then used as part of a blood magic ritual.

"The Tevinter mage was killing his slaves. […] He had cut the throat of one of them, and then another, catching the blood of his victims on the idol as he made his way around the circle. […] The Tevinter mage raised the idol before him, and I saw a spike of lyrium spring from the base of the idol, so that all at once, it was not merely an idol, but a ritual blade. He slashed his own hand, and a wave of power pulsed through the cavern. It was as though we were the blood, and the cavern was the body through which it flowed, and we fell, all of us, to the ground, our minds pulled into the raw chaos of the Fade by the power of his ritual."

In the end of the Dark Fortress comic, the idol produced another red lyrium sword, that could be fully detached and was then placed onto the before-mentioned sarcophagus, turning Shirallas into a raving beserker that was pretty much invincible as long as he was in possession of that same sword.

While the blue lyrium infused sword that was used in Fenris' ritual simply dissolved in the process, the sword produced by the idol could "regenerate" and was especially resistant to Great dragon fire.

"Unlike the lyrium-infused swords of the so-called Arcane warriors, this sword should survive the ritual."

In the final fight against him, Marquette comments on how Shirallas "feeds energy to the sword from the red lyrium in his veins" and how in turn "the sword heals his wounds".

So in both the comic and Tevinter Nights, the idol/the weapon produced from the idol seems to draw power specifically from the blood of its wielder. It makes me wonder if it was initially intended to be used this way, since we have to remember that it still presumably belongs to Solas, who claims to not practice blood magic, because it seems to make it more difficult to enter the Fade.

Which is ironic, given what the mage in Tevinter Nights did to disrupt the Fade, but also how the Magisters Sidereal used a massive blood ritual to enter the Fade physically.

And oddly enough, in your first conversation with Solas about blood magic, he makes this curious analogy with daggers as an example…

Inquisitor: Every time I've seen blood magic used, it has been for some evil purpose. Solas: I once saw a woman being stabbed in the stomach with a dagger. She died slowly, in angony. It was repulsive. If the Chantry outlawed daggers, would that stop the people from using it? Of course not. […]" Inquisitor: "You don't need to sacrifice a slave's life to make a dagger." Solas: "I suppose it depends upon the dagger."

So… Could Solas be referencing Mythal's death here? Or what if the dagger here is referring to the idol in its blade form? What the heck does he mean by "I suppose it depends upon the dagger"? Was a slave's life sacrificed to create the idol maybe?

But if blood magic wasn't the sole purpose for why it was made, then what else could the idol as a ritual blade be used for?

Which brings us to…

Dalish mythology

According to Dalish legends, Fen'Harel told the Creators and the Forgotten Ones that the Avvar had forged a "terrible weapon", a blade that would end the war between both clans of gods. He told the Creators that it was forged in the heavens, while the Forgotten Ones were told that it was hidden in the Abyss. And when the gods went seeking it, Fen'Harel sealed them both in their realms forever.

Okay. So, let's just assume for a second that the blade in this legend was actually the idol in its blade form. Because hell, what are the odds of having two "super powerful ancient blades that belong to Solas"? lol

If they are in fact the same weapon and the part about Solas tricking the gods is true, why were the Evanuris and the Forgotten Ones so eager to get this thing, to the point that they would fell into a trap?

And with this, I'd also like to point out the level design in the scene in which Flemeth takes Kieran's Old God soul in the Fade. I can't help but feel like the statue of Dirthamen being stabbed in the back with a sword, crying a stream of blood, resulting in a huge pool of blood, as well as a bloody ouroboros symbol on the ground, is a very deliberate design choice. Especially considering the context of this scene with the revelation about Flemeth and Mythal, I'd argue this is all in reference to how Mythal was betrayed and murdered.

Again, the idol could depict Mythal in her moment of death. In the final fresco in the rotunda, the one Solas never finished before leaving the Inquisition, we see a wolf looming over a dragon slain by a blade.

In the last visual of the 2022 cinematic that, going by Varric's narration, could potentially depict the destruction of the Veil, Solas appears to hold something that resembles a blade with a very destinct handle. Additionally, we've since discovered an icon hidden on the Steam page of DA4, that shows a dagger with an identical shape and the same glowy purple as the Dreadwolf title.

So we have the idol in its blade form, the blade Mythal was potentially slain with, the blade Solas is holding in the 2022 cinematic, Solas mentioning a dagger in relation to blood magic and Fen'Harel's blade in Dalish legends.

That's a lot of blades... and a lot of blood. lol

The Hunt of the Fell Wolf

"The Hunt of the Fell Wolf" is the title of a poem that can be found in the Jaws of Hakkon DLC. It tells a story of former Inquisitor Ameridan, his friend Haron and their fight against a demon wolf.

Along with numerous odd things in this tale that could be interpreted as some kind of metaphor (or just the devs messing with us, if you want to know more, please check out this post), it also mentions an "idol of fade-touched stone" in connection to the demon wolf.

The wounded knight in darkness Found within the cavern’s gloom An idol of fade-touched stone, Which could prove the monster’s doom.

In the poem, after a grim fight, the wolf takes Ameridan's friend Haron to its lair, a "labyrinth of winding cave" (which many believe is referring to the Deep Roads, just like the ancient Thaig in DA2 where Hawke and Varric found the red lyrium idol originally) where Haron, oddly enough, also happens to find an idol. What's intruiging though, is that this idol seems to be connected to the wolf in such a way that he can only be defeated if both him and the idol are destroyed and struck down at the same time.

With burning blade, Ameridan And monster met again Whilst elsewhere did Haron valiantly With demon-wards contend.

As demon-stone was shattered, Ameridan struck true: Beast and spirit—both felled at once, Though neither hunter knew.

"Beast and spirit—both felled at once"

Two entities that are connected across two different places… as in the physical body and the spirit maybe?

As in the waking world and the Fade?

So, let's reiterate.

The red lyrium idol belongs to the Dread Wolf. Cole remarks how he can feel that Solas is "in both places". The word "Dread Wolf" itself is an anagram for "World" and "Fade". We've talked about the popular spirit origin theory before, Solas taking a physical form against his will because of Mythal. The whole matter of Solas' "true name" before he called himself Pride. Solas' entire personal quest, which may or may not mirror his own past, a spirit of Wisdom being denied its original purpose, turning into a pride demon ("He wants to give wisdom not orders"). His strange remarks at the end of Cole's personal quest ("We cannot change our nature by wishing"). The fact that Solas makes Cole forget about his true identity, just like spirit!Cole does. The visual portrayal of Solas "consuming" Flemeth's powers at the end of DAI. The way in which Solas doesn't recognize anyone in the waking world as "people", but will vehemently debate you on why spirits should be considered people.

"But the People… They need me." (- Solas to Flemeth at the end of DAI) "Never again." (- Solas after burning the mages who were responsible for Wisdom's corruption) "From this moment, should you ever bind a spirit, your life is mine." (- the Dread Wolf's final warning to the mages in Tevinter Nights)

All of this considered, what could the poem in JOH imply for the connection between Solas and the Dread Wolf/the Dread Wolf and the idol?

"They made bodies from the Earth, and the Earth was afraid. It fought back, but they made it forget."

One theory assumes that the creation of the Veil lead to the separation of the ancient elves' bodies and their souls/spirits, assuming that before the creation of the Veil, the Evanuris somehow made bodies from the Titans/lyrium for spirits to manifest and then enslaved/bound them to their will by marking those bodies with their vallaslin.

But if that's true, then what happened to Solas when he created the Veil?

"He broke the dreams to stop the old dreams from waking. The wolf chews its leg off to escape the trap."

In all the murals, tarot cards and illustrations, the Dread Wolf and Solas are always depicted separately.

What really IS the Dread Wolf? And what is he to Solas?

"It was a beast unlike any I had ever seen. Lupine in appearance, but the size of a high dragon, with shaggy spiked hide and six burning eyes like a pride demon, and it came to us on wings of fire that resolved themselves into a horde of lesser demons."

From what little we know of the Dread Wolf himself, he only seems to exist within the Fade (that is to say, before the Veil, Solas was already depicted as a wolf, presumably even before his rebellion and before the Evanuris "bestowed" him with the title "Fen'Harel"). In the Mortalitasi's tale in Tevinter Nights, his army of spirits follows the mages back to the waking world, yet the Dread Wolf himself remains in the Fade. In one of the frescoes in the rotunda, Solas portrays the Black City surrounded by the six burning red eyes that resemble those of the Dread Wolf, almost like he's keeping watch over the eternal prison of those he banished. In the Tower tarot card, the Dread Wolf is ominously looming over Solas, almost like it's about to consume him, while in one of the Trespasser murals, it looks more like the Dread Wolf follows his lead. And then there's the DA4 2018 teaser mural, in which they're opposing each other, only seperated by the red lyrium idol in the center of the Veil.

If the red lyrium idol is connected to Solas like the idol in the poem is connected to the wolf, could this be part of the reason Solas is so desperate to find it? Does it possess some kind of spirit? Can the Dread Wolf only be defeated if the idol is destroyed at the same time, just like in the poem?

Where is it now?

So where's the damn thing now?

Well, in my opinion, there are two options.

Option 1) The bard's tale in Tevinter Nights was complete bullshit. lol

Despite Solas trying to convince us that he already obtained the idol in a vault some time ago under an auction house in Llomerryn, it's possible that, much like his whole charade in that chapter, this tale was also entirely fabricated. lol

To make it short, here is a list of arguments for why the "bard's tale" could've been a complete lie:

Solas attended this spy meeting specifically for information on the idol's whereabouts (because he doesn't actually know where it is currently?).

Everything until the last two pages was an act.

Both the Mortalitasi and the Carta Assassin point out several contradictions within his tale.

Upon hearing the other spies assuming that he needs the idol, it would just make sense that he would want them/Charter to believe that he’s now in possession of the idol and “cannot be stopped”, so that they would drop all effort to find it before him.

On the very last page of the book, there's a lists of bullet points of information when Charter is about to write down her report, and it does not explicitly say “He has the idol” but rather just what it looks like, which suggests that Charter didn’t buy his story either.

So if this was all lies, the last known location of the idol would therefore be the unknown person who took it when escaping from the Dread Wolf's spirit army in the Grand Necropolis in the tale of the Mortalitasi.

Meaning that Solas would therefore still be searching for it now. (Which would actually be kind of hilarious, considering how there's likely gonna be a ten year timeskip since DAI, so he would've been searching for the flippin thing for the better part of a decade now. 😂 We know from the end of the Blue Wraith comics that he had followed the idol's path via eluvian, but maybe he just lost track of it at some point? In fact, the last we heard from him, Solas was apparently busy pursuing some Venatori people to get another ancient artifact called the Crucious Stone in the The Missing comic, much like he prevented the Tevinter mage in Nevarra from using his idol. Solas after ten years of searching for the idol was probably like "Oh fuck it, I give up, on to McGuffin Nr 2 then". lmao)

In an interview with the comic writers Nunzio DeFilippis and Christina Weir, they talked about how in their initial draft of Dark Fortress, Solas actually *got* the idol(!!) from two of his agents by using the eluvian located at Nenealeus' place before BioWare stepped in and requested a change. 👀 That version would've explained how Solas was able to track the idol through the eluvian we see at the end. Their own interpretation was that Solas can only overlook a certain radius within the area of where another eluvian is located. Which would actually support the assumption that Solas might've lost track of the idol at some point after Nenealeus left the place… but that's just their interpretation and not official BioWare canon (yet), sooo…. Hm.

Option 2) Solas has the idol now.

So let's assume that the part about him obtaining the idol in Tevinter Nights was actually true and it's now in his possession.

Aside from this, the only thing that could speak for Solas already having the idol in the beginning of DA4, is once again the final visual in the 2022 cinematic.

If this cinematic is in fact playing at the beginning of the game as a general re-introduction to the lore and the last visual is depicting Solas in the middle of destroying the Veil using the idol, then.. well yeah, there it is, in his hand…. at least, for now. Making Solas succeed in the first 10 minutes, I guess? lol

……Unless!

See, a few years ago, I speculated about how the idol might actually be the perfect plot device/motivation for our new protagonist to get involved in the whole Solas deal without even knowing who he is.

Let's say the last visual in the 2022 cinematic is actually showing us a hypothetical scenario, and not something that has already happened/is currently happening. Like, Varric gives this expository narration explaining who Solas is and what might happen if we don't succeed in getting the idol. (Notice how Varric says "And we're the only ones who can stop him" at the end… Like there's still a chance to stop him before this actually happens.) We know from Tevinter Nights that Charter knows that Solas needs the idol for whatever ritual he's planning. And Charter obviously informed the Inquisition/Varric about this as well. So the next logical step for the Inquisition now would be to obtain the idol (whether or not the bard's tale in TN was true) to prevent this ritual at any cost, right?

The comic The Missing re-emphasized that Varric is now in charge of getting people that Solas doesn't know. And this might be where the new protagonist gets recruited by Varric (who is still a spymaster after all) and gets assigned the alias "Rook" for a heist mission to obtain the idol. (And after a very thorough observation of the DA4 reddit leaks from 2023… it looks like Rook might've actually succeeded in this potential quest?)

While we don't know when the stuff in the leaks actually takes place within DA4's storyline, I think it's safe to say that Rook will obtain the idol at some point in the story and that it will play a pivotal role, if the blurb on the Steam page for DA4 is to be believed. lol

As well as what could likely end up being the game's icon, found on the Steam page.

And again, remember how in the Hunt of the Fell Wolf poem, it seemed like Ameridan struck the wolf’s body in the waking world, while his friend Haron killed the spirit (inside the idol?) in the Fade. What could this imply for DA4 then, if we are applying the role of Ameridan, Haron and the wolf in this tale to the Inquisitor, Rook and Solas?? 👀 Is this how we can stop him? The Inquisitor confronts Solas in the waking world, while Rook has to destroy the idol/fight the Dread Wolf in the Fade?

Or could it just be a metaphor for the Inquisitor in DA4 keeping Solas occupied to distract him from Rook, while they can figure out another secret way to deal with him/how to get/destroy the idol?

See, the thing is, we have to remember that this is after all, a video game. lol Meaning that, if our protagonist gets to carry around a powerful ancient artifact/weapon, I would assume that this has to be somehow implemented in the gameplay as well. What we can take from the short footage of the 2023 reddit leak, is that Rook might carry the idol (if it really IS the same thing) while still fighting with their own main weapon in combat. So, what if the idol serves as more of a special power tool outside of combat, for example, like the anchor did in DAI, where it can only be used for special occasions? Let's say, the idol in its blade form can't be used in battle but is able to "split" the Veil or reality, like the anchor was able to open and close rifts? Or, if we assume that the idol is something like an ancient phylactery (which btw is my favorite theory and I will talk about in my second post), maybe it can be used as some kind of "tracking device"? Actually, I'm super curious to learn how Rook is even able to carry it like this in the first place, since we know what kind of effect it usually has on people. lol

~~~~~

Anyway, I'll make a hard cut here now and save the rest of this behemoth of a post for a second separate post (because I also just realized that tumblr doesn't let me add any more images 😂💀), so if any of you actually made it this far... thank you for being just as crazy as me about this and I will post the second part shortly after. lol ❤

[strongheartneteyam]

[ all credits of the Neteyam pic go to the incredibly talented @cinetrix ♡]

Champagne Problems

Part 2

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: neteyam is a simp for reader, black cat gf/golden retriever bf "trope", a whole lot of angst, beach party, use of alcohol, some romantic comedy vibes, neteyam acting a bit cocky lol, reader is a tiny bit of a meanie towards neteyam, sexual language, sexual content, reader is a bit antisocial, flirting, emotionally unavailable bc of trauma reader, unrequited love (neteyam is the one having the unrequited feelings), sexual tension, commitment issues, exophilia, size kink, interspecies relationship, bad words. Hit me up to lemme know if I forgot something ahaha

Synopsis: Neteyam has had his eye on you for long but you always kept him away, at a safe distance. You have no feelings for him after all, you only think he's really attractive... right? What happens when he starts flirting with you at a Metkayina beach party and he just won't give it up? Will you finally give him a chance to show you how he feels or will you keep hiding behind the armor that you have for a heart? Neteyam is known among the na'vi as persistent and everybody knows he doesn't back off from a challenge. And you're his favorite one.

Reader is slightly older than Neteyam, for only 2 years.

Neteyam and Reader (AI Art)

Do you guys remember the story inspired by Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift that I promised like ages ago? Well... The first part is here? 🤓 A lot of people seemed to be excited to read this when I posted that sneak peak. Hope you guys like it! kiss kiss 💗

Slightly proofread.

Part 1 : Say Yes to Heaven

𓇼

If you dance, I'll dance

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Give peace a chance

Let the fear you have fall away

I've got my eye on you

(...)

Say yes to Heaven, say yes to me

Say Yes To Heaven (Lana Del Rey)

𓇼

"It's not like you're not gonna break me in half if we try to get down and dirty." You laugh a bit too much, the alcohol invading your brain slowly, making you care less and less about behaving in a "socially acceptable" way. Though you wondered if your not-a-bit-elegant-honesty mattered at all to Neteyam Sully, the na'vi boy sitting in the maroon leather couch, by your side, his huge size making the couch look ridiculously small. He was na'vi, after all. Totally different culture. The na'vi were way more upfront about their real thoughts and feelings.

Neteyam had been talking loudly, almost yelling, at your ear for the past 40 minutes, trying to make his voice sound louder than the party's music, so you could hear him try to convince you to hook up with him. As if the loud uplifting songs that echoed in the salty air of that Metkayina beach were not enough to bug your tired head, now you had Neteyam helping your headache get worse.

"That doesn't mean you can't let me take you home. Or even let me make you my mate, eventually, if we end up falling in love while we fuck under the starry sky. You might like laying with me in my hammock and letting me pleasure you more than you think. Maybe you'll want to be my girl once you get a taste of this na'vi spice" He was joking around with you while flirting.

His thick, muscular but still fleshy thighs were spread on the sofa way too much to your liking. It was almost like he was trying to show you how masculine or desirable - some bullshit like that - he was. You know, that kind of thing a lot of guys usually do when trying to seduce you.

You knew Neteyam was aware he was handsome, that his body was attractive. He had always had girls - na'vi and human - all over him since he was a teen, drooling over his beauty.

But if he thought his loverboy flirting that must have worked so easily with just way too many girls before was gonna work that easily with you, he was mistaken.

Okay, you had to admit he was being pretty insistent, though. Neteyam had been there for almost an hour already. You did not understand what was making him insist that much on you if you had an armor as impenetrable as the one of a human warrior of the Middle Ages, back on Earth. And those armors were really hard to get under.

"Listen" you took a last big sip of your champagne and put the glass cup on the wooden table next to the sofa "When you gonna give up, honey? It's not gonna work. I'm not hooking up with you." You looked him in the eyes.

Goddamn, were his orbs big compared to the ones of a human. 

They were beautiful, though.

Damn, (y/n)! Focus, girl!

"I'm known among my people for being disciplined, focused and getting what I want because I fight hard for it. You're my focus now, tawtute." (human) I'm not giving up on you. You're like my Ikran. You're wild and hard to get but I'll conquer you, sevin tawtute." (pretty human) "On the first try."

"Cocky much?" You smirked and shook your head in disapproval "No, but, seriously, Neteyam, are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten about tsaheylu? I don't have a neurological queue, babe. I know I have many braids in my hair," You pointed out your hairstyle "but they're all regular human braids. None of them have little tendrils on its tip. Sorry, Neteyam. We're Romeo and Juliet. And Juliet doesn't even love Romeo in this story. You're deemed to heartbreak." You said, like you could not care less about his attempts to win you over, sipping on your sparkling champagne, that went down your throat comfortably, making you feel cozy and safe. It wasn't gonna work, anyway.

You liked champagne a bit too much... you had to admit it was very possible that you had a bit of a drinking problem. Alcohol made you feel warm inside. In an emotional way too. It felt like someone was hugging you, when you would not let many real people hug you because you just were not exactly enthusiastic about having physical contact with just anyone. You only let your closest friends and some family members, like your little sister, hug you. 

Some people would often call you "cold" and say that you acted "like a queen, above everyone else", behind your back, but that could not be further from the truth. You actually hated how low your actual self steem was.

"Why don't you look at Munì?" You mentioned the curvy, tall, blue eyed Metkayina girl who clearly had a mad crush on Neteyam. She was incredibly pretty. Nobody could deny that. "She has been drooling over you ever since you got here. Give the poor girl a chance. She's such a cutie. If I liked girls, I'd easily do her. Look at those beautiful, long, toned legs. Look at her wide hips. Damn, she's yummy!" you were drinking too much, your honesty getting way too out there.

"I don't want her. I want you." He spoke, like he really meant it. "My hammock will be hanged between those two big trees you like to collect fruits from. I'll be waiting for you, if you want to meet me."

With that last line being said, Neteyam got up from the sofa and walked away, swiftly finding his younger brother Lo'ak and tapping on his back, like men usually do. Both brothers started what looked like an interesting conversation.

You were left alone wondering how Neteyam could say those words and walk away so nonchalantly. 

"Phew! I thought he'd never leave, girlie." Adeline screamed, coming closer to you.

She was your best friend. You guys knew way too much about each other, but that only drove you closer and made you two have a beautiful bond that felt unbreakable. She was one of the few people in the world you trusted with many of your secrets. But not even she knew everything about you. Yes, talk about trust issues…

"God, I was about to call his sister to take him away! Kiri is much more chill and quiet compared to her siblings. She's a sweetheart." You said, finally letting your guard down and being able to relax your body language, laying back on the couch and resting your bare feet on the wooden dark brown table in front of you

𓇼

You cursed yourself while you walked towards Neteyam's big light brown hammock, hanged between two big beautiful trees that reminded you of the Palm Trees that used to exist on Planet Earth.

Why were you doing that, anyway?

"Tawtute! You came." Neteyam smiled, relief all over his face 

You sighed.

"Yeah, but I'm still wondering why I did."

"Ouch!" He put his huge four fingered hand on his chest and frowned, like he was in pain

You rolled your eyes at him.

"Stop that, silly." Crossing your arms, you walked towards the big tropical tree in front of his hammock but still a little far

"Hey! Where are you going?" Neteyam almost screamed as you were already further away from him than you should be if you were actually gonna have sex with him

It was like you were running away from and showing up to the "job" at the same time. Go figure out.

You rested your back against that large tree, feeling the rough edges of the wood harassing your skin.

Neteyam was already almost there where you were. His long na'vi legs helped him walk faster than you anticipated.

Neteyam got next to you. You felt a little fear but a bit of excitement, simultaneously, when you realized your head only reached his hip.

Fuck, he was a giant next to you… why the hell did that turn you on?

"Are you afraid of me, yawntutsyìp?" (little loved one) Neteyam said in a lewd, low voice as you looked at him, feeling like a pathetic little ant looking up at a human

Was that how ants felt?

"No, silly, I'm not." You looked away from him and tried to focus on the way the eclipse had beautiful violet and blue tones

That almost worked. If it wasn't for Neteyam using his huge alien hand to stroke your hair softly.

"You're so pretty, tawtute." You could feel his gaze directed at you, you could feel his heat burning your skin. The desire he felt for you was almost freaking tangible. 

You kept your eyes on the stars.

"You're not gonna look at me, yawntutsyìp? Lemme see those pretty eyes, hmm?" Fuck, he was turning you on so much, your pussy felt good already and there was a tight knot forming in your lower belly. How did he do that to you with so little effort?

You looked up at Neteyam's face, your neck hurting. You did not expect to see a big bulge under his navy blue loincloth, though. Neteyam was so huge you could not help staring and your face totally betrayed your surprise.

"C'mon, I wanna feel your tiny body on mine." He paused and his big blue hand traced your collarbone and your shoulders "You're so small, tawtute… Hmmm…" he let out something between a moan and a growl "So soft too." Neteyam squeezed your arm, feeling your soft human flesh against his slender fingers "I love how different from na'vi girls you are. I'm so lucky to have you all to myself tonight."

Your breath was now labored and your pussy was soaked. Your poor panties were all wet.

"I'm dying to squeeze those titties. They look incredibly soft. But I won't do anything that intimate before you say "yes" first, yawntutsyìp."

•

Taglist:

@yeosxxx (u asked to be tagged in all my writings so I'm tagging u here hehe)

Comments are very welcome. I love all of you who take time to read my writings ♡ Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. If you wanna be added to the taglist, just leave a comment down below <3

[gleasonlovesjasontodd]

part two of jason todd head cannons or thoughts i have about dating him!!!

(scroll down for a little message from me☺️☺️☺️)

he is a theater kid i have always thought that and i’m so glad people are starting to think that

loves kissing your neck like you could be making dinner working on your laptop and he will come up behind you and his hands on your waist and just start kissing your neck and then start asking about your day i just know he makes you blush and he enjoys that

y’all have a personal book club and every month you read each other books you picked out and y’all talk about the books and have like cookies and tea maybe ( i personally only started reading jane austen for jason and i ended up loving her books so i have him to thank for getting me started reading her books)

jason gives me ravenclaw or slytherin vibes more ravenclaw i can’t decide yet

definitely keeps in mind of things you like and i’m not just talking about like your food or drink choices i mean everything a certain blanket you sleep with he will get it for you if you fall asleep on the couch your jewelry the ring you wear everyday suddenly your not wearing it he will ask where it is he knows you get headaches carry’s advil for you

he would most definitely get you a necklace with his initial on it “because i want to wear his initial around my neck not because he owns because he really knows me” if your a swiftie you will get this and it’s even better cause it’s the tiffany one that taylor has ( fun fact my mom has the tiffany necklace with my dads initial and it’s so cute)

shirtless jason we already talked about this but my god those abs they are quite literally the only thing i think about like imagine jason wakes up before you and lets you sleep in and you wake up and you wake up to him shirtless with grey sweatpants and your literally just like this 😮 like no matter how many times you have seen him shirtless he still gets you and he just smiles and finds it cute and you just get embarrassed before he tells you to come over and he moves you on his lap and just tells you how adorable you are and your all red and blushing

definitely loves physical touch it might have taken a while but once he gets comfortable he is kissing you and holding a 100%

if you’re like me who loves watching trashy reality tv like bravo,mtv, and tlc he might not get the hype but because he loves you he will watch it with you and i know he is secretly a vanderpump rules fan don’t even get me started

i also think that if you woke him up in like the middle of the night saying jay tapping he shoulder he would wake up thinking something is wrong but you are just looking at him with your gorgeous eyes saying you want a coke from the corner store he would sigh and get it for you because he loves you that much and would do anything for you and would come back with probably snacks because he knows you’re gonna want them and just smiles at you because he loves you and you give him the biggest kiss because he really didn’t need to wake up and get you this and i 100% think he would do this no matter how tired he is from patrol

also i would just like to thank every single one of you who have liked, rebloged my posts, or even commented i truly appreciate it and yall make me feel so loved and good about my shitty writing never did i think it would get over five likes so thank you so much!!

-gleason🎀🎀🎀🎀

[kyo-kris]

Shigaraki Tomura x FTM Reader HEADCANONS

❥ Telling him that you're trans

Fluffy Headcanons.

Pronouns for reader: he/him

♡ You and him were having a chemistry, even if both never would dare to talk about this, and no one from L.o.V (except for Toga. Im sure she would shipp you and Tomura)

♡ Well, but when you noticed that you were liking him, you got nervous. So. Fucking. Nervous. You didn't know that they had a trans member in L.o.V and you were afraid of being just rejected or humiliated because of your gender.

♡ Well, you decided one night to open up to Twice about your gender, you were fucking SHAKING. Ending up discovering the trans member and that nobody gives a damn for what you identify yourself, as long as you are strong and help them, you will be respected.

➥ (If you don't like Twice, just imagine another member or you discovering by yourself that information) (pls who doesn't like him...)

♡ This information just relaxed you so much, and you just felt safe to talk about it to Shigaraki. But now how would you do it was the problem. He was always busy with his plans.

♡ But one day, you found your chance. Only him in living room, the others were outside doing different things. Doesn't matters. You took the advantage and courage (of course the courage of a few months thinking about this).

♡ You wasn't totally surprise because you knew about the member, but you hadn't seem any expression so genuinely like this. People tries to support or show that they support you, or they treat you differently (most time in a bad way). But this pookie? Nah. He was just "ok, and?"

♡ "W-what do you mean with 'ok, and?', you already knew it??" you asked with wide eyes, but at the same time you were so greatful for him not turn this a headache.

♡ "No? I mean, good for you, I'll keep calling you the same way as I always did." He said, same expression as if you just told him that you were going to sleep or something like that.

♡ "Thanks. I always feel like if I don't tell, the person will be mad or feel trapped. It happens more than I wish"

♡ "Trapped? What the fuck. Why would I?" You didn't know if was a rhetorical question or you had to answer it, but you just let a light laugh come out.

♡ "Is that all the reason you wanted to tell me you are trans?" He seemed to notice your nervous face.

♡ "Do you... Do you wanna go out with me sometime?" You felt your cheek burning like a fire "y-you don't have to accept, I was just wondering maybe we.. Uhm could-"

♡ "Yes" He coldly (or softly. You were too nervous to notice) said, turning his head away from your look.

♡ "What?" You heard it right?

♡ "Don't make me repeat myself" You thought maybe he was annoyed or impatient, but it wasn't, he was blushing as hell. And when you noticed, you made your way to tease

♡ "Whoa you're so red. Are you running a fever?" You tried your best to hold back your laugh

♡ "Im changing my mind!" His voice was slightly shaking, and you also noticed that, but decided to keep to yourself. It was just so cute seeing him like this!

♥︎ You could see a short smile on his face. Maybe you didn't need to be nervous at all. Everything went right.

Notes from Kyo ♡: Hello again! Well, my "I wanna feel safe and loved" is here, isn't? Two fluffy posts and the same character XD. Now you can suggest anything on my blog, can be anonymous too, feel free.

Here a list about what I do and what I don't:

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Right, I'm back. I didn't post anything yesterday because I thought it's best not to rush. But it was indeed fascinating to see reactions in real time to the photo. Yes, I'm talking about the photo posted on IG of JM, JK and another person.

I think I must have read opinions that varied on a entire spectrum and expressed quite vehemently. It's safe to say everyone has really strong opinions and you either condemn it or you're totally fine with it, as long as you pick a side and don't question anything. In sitautions such as these, the tendency to add just a touch of conspiracy is right there. And it gets a pass when there's a lack of information, a language barrier, etc.

I too have my own questions and observations, to which I don't necesarily need an answer, but I'll just write them down.

1. I couldn't help but think of how deep the level of social media stalking is in this fandom. I looked up the account immediately as I saw a screenshot because initially there was confusion about the source. That guy made no previous photo uploads of either JM or JK. At a first glance, there is nothing to connect him to them. And still he had fan accounts following him, before it all blew up and he gained a lot more. My question is, how did that happen? Are there people who look up Jimin's followers list and they try to figure out if there's someone from an inner circle? In all those 50 million people? Do they check some select few accounts daily to see if there's a possibility of a post? The logistics of this are giving me a headache. Or maybe there's some obvious, easier answer and I don't know it.

2. Considering that the account is public, it's not like the photo is leaked. I don't know exactly the nature of the relationship that man has/had with JM & JK and I do not wish to make any speculation with regards to his intentions.

3. I think the outrage was mostly caused by jikookers bringing back to the surface that old photo under the heart arch. Which indeed paints a certain picture, but it's also not the most incriminatory thing out there. I don't think there's any real actual danger, considering that it was supposedly taken from Jungkook's dad Kakao talk. If that's true then it means the dad was ok with showing it.

3. What I personally believe should not have happened was to circulate that photo so easily on social media. People knew about it for a long time, even before someone posted it on I-Jikook twitter. But in cases like these, the photos will always be revealed. They will leave the group chats and out into the wild usually for a petty reason. Because at the end of the day, that's the issue. It has nothing to do with giving a shit about the people in the photo, it's about winning a shipping argument, about screaming "we won". Win what exactly???? It shows who is in it for the fantasy. No single argument could work for them. Replying on and on about deleting doesn't matter.

4. Maybe my last point, but this situation has revealed some things which were already known, but maybe not really articulated specifically all the time. As people not only part of the fandom, but also using social media 24/7, our ideas about privacy and what we should have access to when it comes to public figures has certainly been influenced by the current landscape. In the case of JM & JK particularly, they have been sharing pieces of themselves for more than a decade. It was the BH strategy, the BTS brand. It worked wonders because look at the huge fandom it gathered and the relationship that was built between idol and fan. Hell, Jungkook is doubling down heavy on it with his livestreams. How can anyone really expect a mass of people to really stop and think about privacy? We ourselves as regular people curate our social media image and we voice our opinions and share the places we go to, who are our friends, what parties we attended, when we get into a relationship. Every mundane or special occassion is posted for public consumption. I'm not saying this as some excuse that would justify sharing what looks like a private photo. What I'm saying is that it's to be expected in a way. As harsh as it is, but we live in this reality where the line between the public and private sphere is getting more invisible day by day.

What I think it's scary is that if there's a situation in which an actual compromising photo would somehow be leaked and which can be in the detriment of the people in it for various reasons, so called fans would still share it as proof. Because it doesn't matter for them. It's the high of finding it, of screaming about it on social media, without thinking for more than a second about possible implications. Everything needs to be done fast, regardless of consequences because people need to feed themselves with gossip and leaks.

I'm really just rambling here and not making too much sense. Anyway, I think we should always take a step back and really assess the situation and not scream about it, regardless of our position. Not everything is a threat, or privacy violation or putting people in danger, but it doesn't mean that it needs to be treated lightly as if it's no big deal (which usually comes from people who care more about their own safisfaction and feeling like a "winner").

[smilepilled]

Words of (important) advice to anyone struggling with their mental health while in online spaces, based on my personal experiences. Please reblog if this is useful to you, or if you'd like otherwise. Understanding these things has helped (and still helps) me in ways I can't begin to describe. Thank you if you choose to read; I may add on to this post if I remember anything.

⠀

【 01 】 "No Discourse" Rule.

More often than not, most of any discourse online is exclusively a free headache that, in return, does nothing to proactively ensure people's wellbeing — it's like punching a solod iron wall over and over and expecting it to bend (it will not). You are more than encouraged to learn about things from multiple viewpoints and hear about people's cases, but in the end, it's always best to stay clear from it. So many efforts are put into meaningless theory wars, and it's always best to step away while keeping yourself aware. This will preserve your energy, sanity, health and time.

⠀

【 02 】 Don't Gotta List 'Em All.

You honest-to-cod (🐟) don't have to list every single disorder you have to pass on the message that you are in this situation. This is something that I did a lot, and in the end, it's needlessly exposing key functions of your brain. This can enable people to use these symptoms and/or eactions to triggers against you — manipulation, grooming, turning you dependant, et cetera. I personally like to say I "have some loose screws" or that I'm "weird" for the sake of simplicity — be careful with what you share, for it can be turned against you maliciously.

⠀⠀

【 03 】 Some People Suck, And That's That.

Some people will be ableist, sanist, inhumane and hateful no matter how much you try to make them understand or how much you try to make amends with them. Some people will be extremely childish (or just unhealthy) to the point they will hold every single mistake against you. This is not a problem on your end, and you must learn on your own terms to move on from people like this. Mistakes from other people are necessary so that they can learn — being angry at them actively will only hurt you, and temporarily bother them. You can make peace with them by understanding they've been tricked (propaganda, learned bigotry, etc.) into being so ragingly ignorant or spikeful. Free yourself from even giving them a reaction at all.

⠀

【 04 】 People Are Not Always Evil / Coming For You.

Similarly to the point above, make sure to not immediately assume the worst from someone. Some people struggle with conveying tone, or comprehending it, or with choosing words — and many other things regarding communication. Some people are genuinely curious when they ask you about something, wanting to learn about it in spite of their own ignorance about it. While it is not your obligation to educate/inform them, it's always best to remember that these opportunities are highly valuable for you, and people like you as well. Through understanding, people can learn to not have emotional reactions to certain patterned behaviors from disordered and/or disabled people — and that's a win for everyone, even when they're not disabled/disorderwd, because it humanizes the people next to you with logic. The communication between individuals is a golden, mystic key to peace.

⠀

【 05 】 Your Account/Blog Is Yours; Treat It Like That.

Someone doesn't like what you post? They can block you, without strings attached. I personally often worry a lot about being blocked, because it can mean I've done something unspeakably bad — but thinking of the way people can just curate their online experiences always helps me calm down, at least to some extent. Also, you DO NOT have to change your interests, your views or your way of posting to fit into other people's standards. Keep in mind, however, that specific standards and actual valid criticism are two different things; being accessible, kind, and having proper tagging (or content warnings) are generally important things. Plus, while you should stand your ground, you must also know when to listen to advice or constructive criticism (never destructive). Don't change for others, but don't keep making the same mistakes.

⠀

Be Kind To Yourself && To Others. 🤍

[Plain Text: Be kind to yourself & to others. white heart emoji /End of Plain Text]

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 12 – OTHER MARVEL SHIPS

BRUCE/NATASHA

As in Animal Life by kvikindi

Pairing: Bruce/Natasha Rating: T Words: 6,667 Tags: Childhood Trauma, Past Child Abuse, Exposure Therapy

Summary: The thing is: people think it must be unpleasant. Because that's what they think that anger is. And maybe it is, for them. Bruce can't know what normal life's like. Is it a physical discomfort, like nausea or a headache, like an ache in the joints, an unscratchable itch? For him it's— not. But then, he's always been different.

Reasons why I love it: This fic feels very much like a character study. It's fascinating how Bruce views the world through the lens of science, and his inner thoughts whenever he's talking to Natasha feel very in-character. This fic is thought-provoking in the best possible way, and it made me want to read everything this author has ever written. Definitely go and check it out!

other maps will tell you by zauberer_sirin

Pairing: Bruce/Natasha Rating: G Words: 3,730 Tags: Post-Movie(s), Unresolved Sexual Tension, Slow Build

Summary: Bruce keeps moving from place to place. Natasha is assigned to keep an eye on him. They start meeting halfway.

Reasons why I love it: I love this kind of subtle storytelling, where the action is all in the details. Natasha and Bruce growing more and more comfortable with each other without really noticing when it happens feels really powerful, especially considering their backstory. This fic is amazing, and I hope you check it out for yourself!

Candy Crush by Deastar

Pairing: Bruce/Natasha Rating: NR Words: 1,182 Tags: Fluff, Humor, Superhuman Life

Summary: As soon as there’s a lull in the conversation, he says, staring into his microscope, “You’re not getting any older.” “I am,” she replies, “but you’re right – only very slowly. As are you.”

Reasons why I love it: This fic just puts the biggest smile on my face. They're so sweet, and I love the matter-of-fact way they promise each other forever, it's so fucking cute. The dialogue is so well-written, and the ending just melts my heart. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too, so please give it a shot!

although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight. by paperclipbitch

Pairing: Bruce/Natasha Rating: T Words: 6,337 Tags: Post-Movie(s), Avengers Family, First Kiss

Summary: Post-movie. “You shouldn’t google yourself,” Natasha tells Bruce.

Reasons why I love it: I really enjoyed this look into Natasha's mind. She's witty and sassy, and I love the way that she and Bruce fit together in this. There are many great moments, and I hope you go and check this fic out so you can experience them for yourself!

The Means of Measure by websandwhiskers

Pairing: Bruce/Natasha Rating: T Words: 2,577 Tags: Team Dynamics, Natasha Backstory, Friendship

Summary: Natasha doesn't have a birthday.

Reasons why I love it: This one is more of an Avengers Family fic than a Brutasha fic, but I had to rec it, because I love it so much. The details about Natasha's backstory, the humor in the beginning, the serious note it ends on – I love it all. Seriously, if you haven't read it yet, you need to check it out, because it's fantastic.

[heckinhacker]

could i request for how cartman would act when he has a crush on someone who’s just as chaotic as he is and how he would ask them out? also could you include how other people would react to finding out they are dating? tyy :)))

Eric Cartman x Reader - South Park's days are OVER.

By title, I'm saying: Cartman finding someone as chaotic as himself is a world ending for poor little mountain town

Remember that when I write for South Park, they're teenagers at less(16 y/o minimum), adults at most! it's silly i write it every south park post but better safe than sorry~

I gave Cartman red color, and Viktor, my OC, green color, for easier reading experience.

Y'all were just a kids when you moved in to South Park

It wasn't hard to meet main gang, they're everywhere with their chaos

Cartman was the one to pick up on you, it might be your appearances, the way you act, maybe what you were doing at the moment, whatever it was!!

He did not expect a snarky comment back

"Weird that you're still able to walk up to me and yap your trashmouth, I wonder how come you're not being pushed around by your friends there like a barell. "

"AY! I'M NOT FAT!!"

you gave guys a laugh and Kyle invited you right in to hang out with them

... And he realised his mistake soon after.

You were not only a menace to Cartman, but to everyone, no matter if they started or not.

Kyle was sure he found a friend in you, but turns out it was Cartman who found his second half of devilness.

You were inseparable!!

You hung around Cartmans place a lot! You always had a laugh when his mom thanked you for being friends with Eric, saying:

"Oooh, Ewic has no fwiends~"

and annoying him further, but that's how you two worked, pushing each others buttons.

Other times as you shrugged off some comments about main group REALLY bringing the most bizzare shit possible to themselves, but no matter how much you avoid the truth - this four are NOT normal.

Was it their fault, or the town? You did not know, yet gave no fucks.

Alien encounter? Psh, you were ready to burn their space-ship when they were screwing around town.

You liked playing heroes and stick of truth with them a lot.

Due to Cartman usually forcing you to side with him, because he always is on some sort of drama and making play-group split into two (and even three sometimes--)

Usually Kyle tells him to fuck off and suggests you should pick wherever you'd like to be, to just go there.

But...well. You wanted to side with him, no? You guys are like two droplets of water - identical.

Being closest to Cartman also meant dealing with his bullshit, his drama-driving self, and he sometimes is unbearable. But I bet - so are you. I wonder who wins "guilttripping contest" between you two.

You fight a lot. That's for sure.

If your characters are similiar, you have to despise and love each other on a very big level.

Sometimes dramas were big enough you did everything to make other even more miserable by making each other jealous. You hanging out more with Kyle, him just ignoring you while you're in 4 or hanging around Heidi...

Oh, Heidi times were hard for your friendship. It was around when you two had little break in your relations.

But you are getting back to each other. Who would understand him better than you?

You alway see through his bullshit, and you know when he needs a kick in the ass, and when he needs a hug.

But...that being saaaaiddd...

You can't be soft around Young Cartman.

Weell... But when you grew up, on the other hand...

I like to imagine Cartman is still as chaotic, but more mature, realizing that maybe some jokes are too much...

He still bullies Kyle for being a Jew though--

You still cause headaches around the town, break some shit, sometimes steal because dumb teenagers behavior, but with years things started... Changing.

Cartman noticed he feels different towards you.

The more you matured, the more he hated the way you spend time with others. Possessive, and he does not give a fuck, really.

He would not risk you having no time for him because you date some other idiot.

That's what he tells himself in front of a mirror though :)

Sweet lie that makes him feel better

Dating is for pussies, no?

That's also what he tells himself.

But, ho and behold, you have gotten closer to Viktor, new, mysterious guy that seemed like polar opposite of yours, yet you clicked somehow.

At first Cartman shrugged it off. If you want to hang around some emo douchebag, sure.

"He looks like he has some pathological problems! His pappy beats him to sleep everynight I bet, and he looks like he's depressed, why do you hang around that gloomy piece of shit?!"

"I 'unno, Vik is funky."

...Vik?

And Cartman is on the verge of his nerves.

If you start dating that asshole, you won't have time for him, no?

But...is that the only thing that bothers him?

He wants to act cocky as he asks you: "You are into him?"

And you smirk, saying: "And what if I am?"

spoiler: you're not-

And the way you answered just made him huff

"Then remember to put a rubber or something I don't give a shit." and walked away, not letting you finish.

Oh he's angry.

But wasn't that your point? As much as Cartman is into you, you are into him even more.

I'd say you have the trope going on: One fell first, but other fell harder.

Because when he realised he is jealous because HE wants to be your boyfriend, he loses his goddamn mind.

He used to date a little, but mostly they were not serious relationships, just as a kid, holding hands and ignoring other part for most part, so falling in love for real...

It's tough. He distances himself for a little while. He needs to figure his shit out.

And you're conflicted. You wanted him to be jealous, but him distancing himself was NOT part of your plan.

And you complain to who? Your new friend, Viktor.

"And then he IGNORES ME. I think he even blocked me on discord???"

" Oh, did he?"

"Not really, just muted me on private I think so he does not see whatever I write to him."

"I 'unno, maybe actually talk to him, idiot?"

" Talking with Cartman is insufferable though, dude."

"So is with you, trust me."

"You are really a stick in the mud, Vik."

"You wanted me as a friend, now suffer."

Well, he is right, and Viktor is really a good friend, actually. He gives you raw advices and is not playing around the bush.

And maybe talking to Cartman will be the best, in the end?

Or...maybe pulling his nose a little until he breaks?

Of course you go with second option, or at least wanted to.

"Vik, could you act as my boyfriend? Because-"

"no."

"WHY??"

"I won't be part of "Cartman start simping to me" plan. Nuh-uh."

"Asshole. You're useless."

" Mhm, if you say so."

"AND you're not fun to bicker against."

" Go cry about it."

So no potential partner in crime to get this plan through.

You COULD ask Kenny but Kenny seems to be close with Cartman so...risky. Kyle won't budge, and Stan...well he already dates someone, so it would be really stupid of you.

So you have to listen to Viktor's advice. Talk to him.

And you approach him on a longer break, forcing yourself to sit beside him and smiling widely.

"Ghosting me, babygirl?"

"Screw off."

"Wow, Cartman, I'm offended, actually. Maybe don't act like a wuss and tell me why the fuck you keep ignoring me?"

"Because I want to give you and your new boyfriend space?"

" He's not my boyfriend, mind you, and even if he was, it's not the reason to ignore me?"

"Why would you keep me around when you found someone else?"

"That's not how friendships or generally relationships work, you know? You don't have to be the only one in my life??"

"But I can't stand you pushing your tongue into someone's throat, that's just-"

"Disgusting?"

"ANNOYING."

"Are you...jealous?"

And for once, with his big mouth, Cartman goes...quiet.

Jackpot.

You place a hand on his back, and sigh, giving him child treatment. So there is a bad moment to tease him further, huh. You know when to stop with him.

"I don't want to date Viktor. Nor anyone..."

"..."

"anyone else, I mean."

"...wait- what the fuck?"

"Yeap, you heard me right. I wanted to have your attention all along. Maybe let's stop pretending we don't want each other and move on? You want to date me or not?"

You two really are similiar, huh.

"...let's meet after school, maybe. Talk about this in more...private place. But yeah, we should stop fucking around. I'm done with it."

Good, at least you two are into something.

You walked him to his house, talked with him, ended up becoming official.

Not describing the talk because it's mostly emotion-focused and it cannot be really personalised with every reader. You're free to imagine!

And like, next day, you are walking hand in hand and...everyone is in shock. Maybe even feels world ending because you two dating is just...near-death experience.

Other's reactions:

Kyle:

He swears that he will cut you two out from his life, HE SWEARS.

He hates every second of you leaning against each other, being menaces.

He gags dramatically whenever you act lovey-dovey.

Hates the whole arrangement in general

Kenny:

He jokes you should make a poly-triad together

Is very supportive

First thing he said when he noticed you two was: "Fucking finally."

He heard ALL the rants of Cartman but the last one when he went quiet.

He did a lot of kissy faces around you two to tease you

Cartman kicked his ass like once for him to stop XD

Overall very happy for you both <3

Stan:

He was really surprised to see you two???

Like, REALLY surprised

"Since when is it a thing?"

Giggles that it was quite obvious yet he still seems to be surprised about it.

"Maybe Cartman will be less of a pain in the ass?" he jokes

no, he is not

But seems to be really okay with you two dating

"Just please don't get too lovey-dovey when we hang around in group." he begs

to which you answer "Like you stop acting like a simp to your girlfriend whenever you're around us or not, screw off Stan."

Butters:

HE'S SO HAPPY IT'S ALMOST CUTE??

He clapped his hands and went in cheerful tone "I knew it!!"

Asks since when are you guys a thing and wishes you the best of luck on new path of your lives.

"Butters it's not a fucking marriage." says Cartman with an eyeroll.

Butters is the one who remembers your anniversary more than you two actually do LMFAO

He is your no.1 shipper!!

Viktor:

Another one with "Fucking finally." reaction, but with more annoyed tone to it instead of reliefd.

Was done with your bullshit of chickening out in asking him out

My guy was ready to ask Cartman to date you by himself-

Thankfully he did not have to

Now he has to listen to you ramble about you dating, in a good and bad way.

He never will be done with you two's bullshit, but it is what it is.

If he would hate it, he wouldn't be friends with you.

[dreamstone28737]

2023 AO3 Fic Review/Wrap-Up

Thank you to the lovely @harnitbee for the tag! 😘

List of Fics Completed This Year

One-Shots:

-I’m So In Love That I Might Stop Breathing

-Stars by the Pocketful

-All That You Ever Wanted From Me

Multi-Chap:

-Older But Just Never Wiser

-Can I Ask You a Question?

-My Whole Life

-Midnight Rain

-The One I Was Dancing With

Series:

It’s not finished, but my only series is the Meet Me at Midnight Series

Your Personal Fave

So this genuinely feels like choosing between my children, a little bit. But I think the one that warms my heart the most is “Stars by the Pocketful.” I just love the mental image of Kate keeping Anthony company in his office while he works.

Your Fave Scene

It’s recent but I honestly experienced so much joy writing the scene where Kate and Anthony dance in the moonlight, it might have to be that. (“The One I Was Dancing With”)

A Fic or Scene that Challenged You

Oh my gosh, I’m always so intimidated by writing any scene that involves a large group of people— especially the Bridgertons. It can be hard to keep track of where everyone is located physically and also to give everyone a distinct tone. I remember the third chapter of “Midnight Rain” giving me multiple headaches, even though I’m happy with the final product.

A Line of Writing You’re Proud Of

I wrote something like “No matter how bad things get sometimes, they always get better” in “Midnight Rain.” I actually use this as a mantra in my own life when I’m struggling and find that it genuinely helps me. So, that, I suppose. 😊

A Comment That Touched You

Everyone has been so kind. Genuinely, every single comment is like a little hug, so thank you to everyone who does!! Any time someone told me they read a story more than once, or has felt moved by a particular moment or scene, it’s brought me to tears. I can’t believe someone feels that way about something I’ve written. 🥹

Something That Inspired Your Writing

Well, obviously I was inspired by Taylor Swift’s Midnights album. I once heard her say she approached the album as a writing prompt - what are some different reasons you might be up at midnight? So I sort of did that in my series. It’s a little collection of slice-of-life stories that all have one thing in common: a meeting at midnight.

Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc)

This might be a cop-out but I’m just so proud of myself for finally sharing something I’ve written. That was a huge leap of faith for me and it’s been amazing.

Do You Have Any Writing Goals for Next Year?

Just to find the time to keep writing! It’s been a real source of joy for me. (And maybe to give myself the space to take my time on my stories, too. To give them room to breathe in my mind for a while. I’ve been really pushing myself to write quickly lately.)

Tagging— my pals @mimix007 and @nervousladytraveler — but no pressure! ❤️

P. S. This also came with a stats sheet - I’m going to attach mine- feel free to make it part of the challenge or not! The template is from dreputationera!

[ladyazulina]

Azu is Talking - Tireless Tiredness

What can I even say? Life is riding a tiredness after the next. At least to me, that’s what it’s been, and I’m pretty tired, all right?

Mondays aren’t being Creative anymore and I’m not sure how to fix it… yet.

My Monday classes finally started and being fifty-something students, my professor decided to just give one hour or one hour and a half top of classes instead of the assigned three hours because we are too many cramped in a small classroom. And, I swear, the Goddess blesses her.

I don’t exactly learn with her teaching method and while she was explaining it I was already mussing how to leave the classroom without calling much attention, but then I was into the assistant’s work group and maybe it won’t be that bad? I mean, the assistant has to be up to everything and my biggest fear is not being able to follow up, so maybe it could help? I don’t want to waste my efforts and the university hasn’t been helpful with my circumstances, at all, so when something is not working, or for whatever other reason, I just don’t fight it. I’m tired enough already. I have to choose my battles. But this one seemed to go positively? I ended it fired up for the next class and am glad it won’t go the whole hours, with the semester’s schedule in the pocket, it might not be that horrible. Even though I dislike her teaching ways. Maybe I will survive. We will see.

I had to go back to the photo place and when I explained to them why, they didn’t charge me for the new photo. Which took me by surprise. I was pretty grateful and speechless, they insisted that if the photos continued showing problems, to give them a call and they would help me figure it out, and I found that extremely sweet and professional. But for every nice person, there’s a handful of bad ones.

The subway’s staff recharging my card was mean and rude.

Two consecutively bus drivers refused to stop at the bus stop!

I was dead tired already, the world is too noisy for my hearing loss, and being cramped with fifty-something people made it too hot for my body. All the interactions of that day had me overwhelmed, and I was also with the pre-hormones. Too much is too much. So I took the first vehicle that would take me back home.

During the wait for it, though, I decided I could send the photo so I would have an answer for the moment I were reaching home. I checked in the way and they rejected it again! I was so over the limit that I dared to answer them—I swear, even with all the mood I had drowning me, I wasn’t awful. I most likely sounded like a very tired and stressed person. ‘Cause I was very tired and stressed with that matter already. I can’t still understand why they asked me to redo the photo again. It was so stupid.

I was on the brink of crying. I teared up a bit after getting off at my stop and while heading home, even though I just wanted to lay on the ground and just stay there. I was that tired. I reached home and I curled up, going non-verbal for hours. I didn’t recover that day. I tried, we –with my partner– tried, and the aftereffect was just too big. The migraine was paralyzing, everything was bothering me, and I just wanted to turn myself off.

I have been in that state more times than I would like and it’s always terrible. It still dragged on Review Tuesday. I was dizzy, trembling, and with what was left of the headache for the whole day. Because of that, everything went slow for me.

I deliberately took time to read ‘cause on Mondays I just can’t, and that helped me take off the rough start of the day. I dutifully did my tasks, even though it took me the whole day.

Read this week’s review, A World Without Princes.

I started scheduling posts from my Personal Campaign in Iron Valley and it touched some strings… I talk more about it in the backstage post on Patreon (it’s free!), so if you’re interested in it, don’t forget to head off there in like… three weeks!

Iron Valley, Linney's Campaign, is being live every Tuesday.

I relaxed a bit with my partner during our coffee break, even though my hearing was off after the previous day’s shenanigans. But I was finally cooling down.

That’s definitely not how I want the days to go by. Taking days to recover from one activity. Being disabled and chronically ill don’t pair up nicely. And that’s not adding the hormones’ weight, mental issues, physical issues, and the like. I’m just… I was just… Tired, y’know?

Didn’t seem enough.

On Working Wednesday, I just was able to start uploading the workshops in English. I didn’t finish even one. We had previously agreed, on the weekend, that my sister and I would visit my lil sis at her job so she (or a workmate) would take our photos for the passport, but we had to go around her closing hours. I started working late because I was still regulating (and receiving the first brunt of the period, not so bad just yet), so I had to leave that hanging and rush (just a bit) my coffee break with my partner.

In the end, all that effort for the passport’s staff to reject our photos, again. I decided to brush it off for my mental health and take the photo place from Monday to their word. Calling them, though, was something I didn’t want to do (too overwhelmed and over the limit to call anywhere), so I will be visiting again on Monday. Hopefully they will be able to help. I’m just so really done with this, sadly I have to go through it until the end.

So I… took a deep breath. I can’t deal with what I can’t control, so let’s focus on what I can.

I sent my CV to a place looking for editors (at my temporarily destined place). I spent time with my partner to destress—at least until he had to go have dinner with his family. And we came back together after my dinner to go through our weekly ASL lesson. He’s picking it up, I’m proud. He’s not practicing it during our daily talks though, but we have to start somewhere.

Backstage Thursday was the bloody day and I was barely holding it. Decidedly The Unplanned Resting Day™. Not completely ‘cause I had my first English class (I can’t believe I have survived to reach level 5), which was the introduction and to show us how the stuff will be going, but that was mostly it. My partner is a professor now as well, so after he came back from his afternoon face-to-face class, we had our coffee and I was there to watch him take charge of his virtual class.

I have been in talks with my [REDACTED] adventure’s boss for the next (and possibly last?) revision. Two weeks to deliver, haven’t started yet, but I did start getting anxious about it. I saw his feedback and for a second there was about to accept his offer—I was honest upfront and told him about how messy was everything being to me and he asked me if I wanted him to apply his feedback and let me accept it, but that way I’m not going to grow under his care, would I? It was such a nice deal, but details. I want to do my own job until the very end. Unless I can’t, obviously, but maybe I can, so for as long as I see the slight possibility of me ending it, I will do my best. Not that my best had helped me much lately, but whatever.

Secret Friday was a bit more motivating. I took a small break and spent the day dealing with the insight of my most recent ARC to send to the author and worked on the review. I still have to post it on the most necessary and “urgent” platforms, but it took some pressure off my shoulders ‘cause I have to read two other books before September 20th if I want to be on time for the next ARC’s release. I don’t have to rush it and be on time, posting reviews around the release day is still as helpful, but… I genuinely have no idea how I managed to go through my reading schedule just fine last year and the year before that one, I had one ARC about to release after the next and I flowed through them smoothly. I hate when I can so explicitly see the changes. I’m more tired. I’m doing a lot more things. I can barely handle it. I’m tired.

I had more time with my partner ‘cause we’re going through… stuff. Nice stuff. Good stuff. Too early to share yet, but having someone capable of dispelling your fears is so… are there even words to describe it? But have you noticed already that I love spending time with my partner? Well, I do. And as those moments are probably the best part of my days, they definitely have to come here as well. Brace yourself. And if not, well, suck it up.

As Playful Saturday rolled in, I noticed I had gone through this week’s tasks slower than “usual”. Lots of things, lots of pain, lots of lots. Can’t the world stop for a second? I need to regain focus.

I started the first of the two books I have to read, like, the whole hour I used to read before. When reading was a daily thing I didn’t have to fight to keep. Last year. I mean, I finished the previous ARC—I sped it up—by reading more than I wanted, like whole sections, which consisted of five chapters each, roughly forty to fifty pages when my top was mostly thirty. I was grateful I was into the book, there’s no other way I could have made it. So now I’m back to my morning mandatory reading hour—don’t start stopping my reading unless the hourly mark is approaching. And was refreshing for once, not rushing my morning routine because my morning routine is reading. At least every day but Mondays for the rest of the year –or until I withdraw the subject if I decide to do that. This book has been out for a long while already, I didn’t feel interested until the second came around (is the one releasing in September), and I already got the biggest spoiler with the samples so I know where the first book is leading, and still it managed to be a fresh air. That should say a lot—maybe the only thing it says is that I needed to slow down for once, but I will take it nonetheless.

I didn’t play, but I finished all I wanted to have ready to send to the author and I sent it to the author. Something to take off my list finally. I don’t only have the next game I want to play ready (since weeks ago), I also have a new one in playtesting beta (I don’t believe I will finish it before the playtesting ends, but I want to play it anyway), so I have the Saturdays covered for a little while.

Today, though, I’m celebrating with my partner (he’s busy for a few hours, so he will have to wait for me to post this before anything else as a punishment) our eight months together. We’re starting this month with exciting news about our relationship and some new plans to tie and ground so they can happen without a notch, but we still have months to go to see them take place. One step at a time.

For now, I will take a little while to rest. The least I deserve after this week just before it all starts over again as if it were just a rinse and repeat. I can’t hate something more than a rinse and repeat. Let’s try to break that pattern, yeah? I will do my best.

[zero-braincells-left]

wow I like talking. I wasn’t gonna have a keep reading here because i want to force people to see it but then I thought about it for 2 seconds and decided that was shitty

if any of you knew me irl you wouldn’t like me. even if I think I act mostly the same I know it’s different . I shouldn’t have even made it this far i shouldn’t keep friends for this long why does nobody hate me yet why am I still her why does anyone put up with me?? And it’s so stupid I can have everything I don’t even think I deserve but it’s not enough I want more but i already think this is too much too. I don’t know what I’m scared of but it happens every time, it’s supposed to. So it has to again right. of course I don’t want it to because I don’t know who id do. I don’t want to be alone which is stupid because im NOT even at school there’s still people who tolerate me. And im fucking lucky as shit and I have a good family and they love me and they care so what makes losing everyone that’s latched onto this not even that fake online identity (maybe it’s fake but it has not too many differences from me usually. But. Irl feels fake too so idk) so scary? why do I think I wouldn’t live without this when I know damn well I could and would. Fuck why doesn’t it matter how many times I’ve talked about this and how many times I’ve been talked down from this. It always comes back and the stupid ass backwards logic of “if I leave everyone I care about first then they can’t leave me! haha gottem!!” Comes back. and NO!!!! im not doing that!! i cant do that again not after last time. that was horrible and even if im “over it” now that’s probably half the reason im scared. i don’t want that again. And I won’t get that again if i fucking stay quiet, right? But nooooo I love attention that other people deserve and need so so much more than me and I want people to worry about me and i want people to talk to me!! Last time I posted something like this i didnt even mean it that much. Some of it, sure, but.. i just wanted to see if anyone would say anything? and it worked and I feel bad because i didn’t deserve to be comforted for something I didn’t even mean why did I do that. it’s like the coward’s equivalent of suicide baiting since i don’t even have the guts for that. Heh. the only person getting a headache from me is myself (I do in fact have a headache that began maybe a third of the way through what I have typed right now lmao??). This. Isn’t even that serious. if i wanted I could just not post this and delete it from my drafts and go back to being silly because why would I bother making people worry? just for the attention I want? that’s shitty. What’s even worse is that I know people are willing to give it. you really really shouldn’t but haha can you blame me?? I’m just some stupid kid on the internet that’s okay at drawing and writing and has something to give at least so of course you’d like that!! of course you like Zero!!!! would you like the stupid kid behind the screen that does absolutely fucking nothing all day and is laying here crying at the fact that people might actually care about him?? would you like her?? maybe you would. maybe im being dumb right now. But it doesn’t matter because you’ll never know me. and would you want to, if I could? really all I have to show is this silly persona . I want more than that but this is all there is .

[xoteajays]

Exactly! That's how I am... Attractive men who are tall and muscular is definitely one thing, but them having tattoos and piercings is a bonus to me. They don't have to have modifications. But I would love just as much if they did have modifications. Because I love alternative styles.

And, if Orange doesn't end up romantically with Cobra, then I'm really stealing this man from her. Have you seen this man? He's attractive.

Naturally as an Asian man, his real hair color is black or brown - and I do think Takanori's attractive either way. But like in Japan, dying their hair blond is something delinquents do all the time (like in TR or H&L) which does seem fitting for Cobra. And even Rocky.. But that's just so different to me. I know Rocky's also considered a delinquent. Though, because WR's signature color being white, him having platinum blond (or silver) hair would make complete sense to me for that reason.

Anyway.

In some original concept pictures, Rocky was supposed to be having dark hair too. Not just Cobra. But I don't know how to feel about that.

I'm happy they decided to go with more biker aesthetics for Mugen in the end, instead of your typical hoodlum styles like Oya and Daruma.

Actually.. I almost didn't recognize Hirōmi. Probably because every of the pictures and videos I see of him, his long hair is usually on a more shorter side (like the undercut). So having him with longer hair would seem a bit surprising. But now I'm imaging Hiroto with longer hair.

~

I'm just whacking you on the head with a wrapped up newspaper.

~

That's how I was! Because it was obvious Gun never had any interests in drinking alcohol because of how abusive father treated him and his mother whenever he drank. So Gun technically swore off any alcohol.

He did seem fine. Him drinking was cute because of how smiley he is with everyone else, not that he isn't always like that with everyone he meets. He's always a sweetheart. But it was sweet that Jin was really willing to die for his friend so his friend wouldn't have to drink alcohol if he was too uncomfortable. And now drinking alcohol is Gun's whole decision now, only if he ever did want to continue drinking though.

I wish that I could bounce back from not having a headache the very next day. Well.. Sometimes. Only sometimes from dehydration.

Honestly... Even if Lee never mentioned where Choi, Yang, Ju, Gun or Jin where. Even if Lee never mentioned anything to the villains, then I still would have imagined them being killed regardless what was even said or done. Because that's the type of villains these characters are.

Part of me is curious about the hospital scene. Especially after Jin is out of surgery, he is healthy but healing by then. And... watching this scene (no matter how many times), I wasn't sure if Jin would survive.

And then I thought, if Jin died, how devastated Gun would be, every one he cares about - besides his mother - is either dead or missing in his life. He would probably blame himself over the events of everyone dying.. Because, if it wasn't for him starting a fight with the villains in the first place like this, then none of these people would have died.

He'd probably have survivors guilt too.

My poor baby!

~

Have you watched the final episode yet?

I know Da-min is a replacement character, which is obviously not too surprising based on what happened. I blame the Ju's actress for this.

But I don't mind Da-min's character too much though. I'm just neutral about her. I don't hate her, but I don't love her. Though that's because she isn't in a lot of scenes to have that much of an opinion on the girl.

About characters with conditions, disabilities, disorders.. Like I would only ever give a character medical conditions, if I am really somewhat knowledgeable about the condition. But I don't always do this though so it's not like with every character I have, only just some characters.

And AleXa's conditions.. I knew about some of her conditions before I read the post (from a couple days ago) discussing her health, about a lot of her conditions being mainly disorders. She'd mentioned anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, insomnia and lactose intolerance being her main conditions. And I did know about a few conditions before then.

Obviously AleXa does take medication for her health.

Oh! Before I forget. I might some more pictures of AleXa with bright blue hair, she's wearing feminine clothes. Since you said that you do want to use light and bright colors with a feminine style to her when it comes to his specific character anyway. I could send the pictures?

~

Orange and Cobra would be the couple who do take turns bandaging up each other for the most part. Depends on who needs more care at first, depending on the situation, the injures, and everything else too.

Yeah! Now I remember. Don't know why I forgot that. Maybe because every time I remember Noboru's character, I am always remembering that he went to college to become a lawyer. Beat of the guys who just abused his girlfriend. And also got involved with Kuryu for a while.

I need more happier memories for the original Sannoh trio. And I was so happy to see those closeup pictures of them smiling together.

Honestly? Although I listen to a lot of Japanese bands, I've never had any interest in listening to Babymetal. I do know about them. And I've seen American, European and Australian bands support their career.

Nemophila has a similar sound to them.. At least I think they do.

If I did decide to have my W/G character for High&Low, I can imagine a lot of different scenarios for her. If I decided use her for High&Low.

~

There's only one person I would accept with a mullet. But in general, I don't like mullets. Mullets are like some strong repellent for me not to be attracted to someone. But the actor is attractive with with colored hair, like blond and even purple too. The actor looks different than his characters. I know, I know.. Makeup and wigs would do that. But still.

No to every one of those shows. I hate American shows. I have always hated Seinfeld, Friends, Big Bang Theory, The Office, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother and just about every one of those shows. Like I did see some episodes of How I Met Your Mother.. I couldn't get into the show. And I even don't care for most of the actors in these shows.

tattoos and piercings are so good! they’re fun lil visual interest. like yea you can be hot as is, but then a nice tattoo? or a piercing or two? total knockout. love it. i know it’s uncommon for japanese guys to have tattoos because of the whole yakuza sitch, but. tattoos are so good.

i’ve noticed a lot of the exile guys - if not all of them - have piercings. reo’s got like three ear piercings and it’s got me acting some kinda way. he’s so attractive To Me.

takanori looks great with whatever hair colour, but cobra specifically has to be blonde. i can’t imagine the character with darker hair. cobra and rocky make the most sense to have dyed hair whether they do it themselves or pay for it, it’s takeshi and pi that throw me tho. where are they getting their hair bleached and dyed in nameless? with what money??

omi does look like almost a completely different person when he has long hair. i can’t decide if i like him better with long hair or the undercut.

~

gun’s such a sweetie when he’s not in a fight. he’s just a good dude and he just goes and makes friends with nearly everyone. hard to resist the sweet boy charm.

yea i don’t think lee was making it out alive no matter what he did. i think he knew that he was going to die but was trying to save his wife and probably expected that yang would’ve been able to protect himself, because they were choi’s best knifers - unfortunately they were all just hit when their guards were down.

i don’t know how gun would’ve managed if jin had died. he was already breaking down in the hospital while jin was still in surgery, i don’t know what he would’ve done if jin had died and ju was already gone.

he so needed a hug in the hospital, both before he knew jin was out of surgery and after when the doctor talked to him.

~

watched the final episode! it ended very abruptly, i’m assuming that was because of the rewrite tho. it just felt like there should’ve been something … more? like it just. ends. so quickly.

the fight with gun and myeong gil was great. loved the little scene with gun and jin after the fight where jin’s comforting him. just, jin knowing how to cheer gun up, it’s so sweet, they’re besties 🥺 also gun’s mum worrying over jin’s injuries and bringing him into the hug, those are her sons!!

gun and jin looked So Good the entire episode. i think it was the gloves. also like, them hanging around da min’s place in those lil red shorts ……. i am just looking at thighs.

i thought da min was fine. i think she was sweet and i liked the scene of jin and gun covering her eyes and ears. also archery is cool so points to her for that. i do think she needed more time and development, but i didn’t hate her or anything. also im just. staring. at her hand when she fist-bumped the boys. her hand is so small. or their hands are so big. she’s like 5’6 so she’s not like. short. i’m just 👀👀👀

i’ll always take more pictures! i’m just gathering ones up on my pinterest that have the vibe i’m imagining for eun bi.

~

something something ‘patching up your romantic interest as an act of love (even before you get together)’. it’s a good trope! it’s intimate!

i need to switch back on my h&l brain because i’ve been thinking a lot of bloodhounds lately. i did start planning a lil more visual stuff for ojou tho, because i’m making an edit.

~

he looks so good with coloured hair, like the pink and the purple! he’s also so tall. i didn’t realise. he’s like 5’11/6’.

i only really watch those shows because they’re like. nostalgic. sometimes you just need a show to watch without needing to really use your brain and old nostalgic crap hits that spot. but then sometimes you watch it and go ‘oh. that joke is. not good’.

[remtheenlightenedone]

Things to know about me Tumblr #1 :

💜I only read ship fanfiction under "fem!reader" only because I'm afab. It depends on my mood to read "male!reader" content.

💜Im neither left nor right and I don't take stances on alot of things. I choose to be indifferent because at the end of the day it'll give me a headache and nothing will be accomplished. Plus I hate politics. Too much b*tchin' and not enough action.

💜"If you support xyz, block me" ok? Why would it matter if I did? Also I saw this alot on Twitter so don't expect me to follow along with any bs like that on here.

💜I like cane toads. Australia and Florida shut your mouth. dni if you don't like them. They are adorable!

💜I'm late to team cat but cat videos have been the best therapeutic thing I could ever watch during any sickness. Little meow meow kinda alright!

💜If I don't like something I'm just gonna block. No reasons. Just block. If you bringing bad vibes I'm blocking. Period.

💜Until I'm able to im not going to spend any money on commissions from other artist or writers. And no I will not turn my hobby into a profit. I'm good.

💜If I say something that ooc do not read too much into it. If I choose not to share, do not press me. All you will get is silence. Ty 🙏🏽

💜Green is a beautiful color. Especially emerald. I love it. If you don't, why is your life so sad? /lh

💜After spending years on Twitter I do not tolerate negativity of any kind. Sorry but I'll have to block that. Also lmk if I already posted something like this in the post.

💜✌🏽🙏🏽👍🏽 I am a poc. But that shouldn't matter. Im just like every other autistic person with mental issues out there. Sometimes I'll use the default yellow emojis cuz I'm lazy 😛

💜I like to write and draw mostly. Poems have been my thing now.

💜Also if you like anything that's a negative setback for me I'm going to assume you did it out of spite and I'll block you. Who likes post like "I spent a day in the hospital because people on the internet made me want to unalive myself" and thinks thats acceptable???? So if I post something like "the internet ruined my love for my one passion in life" there better be no likes. Especially if that's all you're going to like!

End of rant

💜I write fanfiction. It was mostly nsfw stuff but kinda took a break after an accident I had where I stayed in the hospital for two months. I also draw but since the internet DID ruin that hobby for me I probably won't post anything for a while :/

💜my music taste vary. Rn I'm into Eminem. He's just a vibe rn.

💜I've been having sleeping problems since I got back from the hospital. So if you see me up past 5 am... Hello :3

💜when you actually get to know me I'm pretty chill.

💜while looking into things like daoism and Buddhism it made me appreciate atla/tlok even more. Eastern culture is very beautiful!🙏🏽

💜I love people unconditionally like I love myself. Always.

💜I like cane toads and any frog or amphibian as pets. I don't like seeing them hung up as trophies or made for taxidermy. I will shut that down asap.

💜sometimes I message random people. But if I message you it's for a reason. Especially if it's a commission. Like I said I don't need any commission rn but just in case.

💜I'm also prone to make hella typos! Check my hashtags.

���I go from ghetto speak, to proper, to old english, to vague all in one. Or manic. Manic is definitely one of those typing types I have but can I tell you how it looks or describe it idk. But I guess manic pixie naive positive speak is one way to describe it?

Ngl that's all I can think of now. I'll post more if I can think of anymore. Same with hashtags. I'll keep you posted.

[fatphobiabusters]

Since there are already tons of posts on this blog and other fat liberation blogs about weight science, I'm instead going to address something else about this ask.

At the end of the day, it literally Does. Not. Matter. how weight affects health. And that's because not only do decades upon decades of science show no evidence of sustainable weight loss, not only will fat people always exist until the end of time, but health ultimately means nothing when it comes to whether the world should treat fellow human beings as humans deserving of basic human dignity and compassion.

Even if you could somehow prove that being any amount of fat is the most unhealthiest thing you can be in the world, that STILL is not a justification for the extreme and deadly oppression that fat people are forced to endure every day. You should not be deciding someone's deservingness of humanity and your respect based on their health. Period. This goes for thin people too, even thin people who aren't disabled. No one should be deemed subhuman for being (or perceived as being) unhealthy.

Your search for whether it's possible for any fat human to be healthy is pointless. Fat people will exist no matter what because that's how human size diversity works. No, the vast majority of fat people cannot truly lose weight. No, a fat person's health is not and has never been your business. And if you're not going to examine the biases of the sources you read, then I don't want to waste my time jumping through your hoops and meeting your "You must be this healthy to be human" threshold like I'm at some fucked up carnival.

I swear, this world pretends fatness is the only "risk factor" in existence, giving the risk factors of height, age, sex, race, socioeconomic status, and so much more a free pass to focus on the REAL problem—fatness. "Yes, you came in today for a headache, but I swear it's tied to your weight. Just trust me." Can we please stop with this already?

-Mod Worthy

To be fair I may be wrong considering how biases in med science leads to correlative data, but from what I have seen, being overweight leads to health issues? I remember being back in high school being taught that having more fat equated to heart strain, since more blood needed to be moved throughout the body within the same time frame than for a person of expected weight

And more recently when I went looking for research papers on being overweight and the associated heart issues (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6179812/#:~:text=The%20increased%20cardiac%20output%20in,an%20increase%20in%20stroke%20volume.)

From your post, yea definitely fat phobia in medical spaces is a horrifying thing, and probably led to many of these ‘get fat and you’ll have this health condition’ ideas circulating

Though I was curious if you think being fat within a certain ‘range’ has no negative health impacts? (Genuinely contused and curious)

Seriously, I'm not going to get into this discourse or provide you with an exhaustive explanation of how medical bias affects research and the interpretation of results when so many people out there have already done the work, and I linked to books you can read and pointed towards a podcast you can listen to already.

But, since you ignored those things and came into my inbox 'just asking questions,' you can start here:

Or maybe you can look at @fatphobiabusters or @fatliberation, or @fatsexybitch, who have already done a lot of work on this.

I am genuinely not interested in this conversation.

[xxaraaq]

𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙤

Im writing this because I’ve been thinking about it so why not. And sorry I haven’t posted in a while I just didn’t feel like it

ProHero! Midoriya x black fem reader angst

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

You didnt think that you would wake up to a soft knock on your door at 7 AM on a unusually quiet Sunday morning

You didnt think that when you opened the door you would see Bakugou looking at you with nothing but dread in his eyes

You didnt think that he would come in and gently sit you on the couch

You didnt think the now bubbling thought in your mind would be the truth

You really didn’t want to think that it was a reality when he told you that your beloved husband was killed an hour before you were woken up

You look at him blankly as he directs his gaze to the floor

“What are you talking about Katsuki?” You say, a cramping sensation taking space in your throat

“I’m so sorry y/n.” He says, placing a gentle hand on your knee

“Ar- are you okay?” You say, tears ushering to the front of your eyes

“Wha- um...yeah, I will be.” He says, sadness decorating his face

“Ok, that’s good. I’m sorry, I know that you two were close.” You say, taking his hand in yours

“What’re you talkin’ about, why're you askin me?” He says, confusion decorating his features

“I know, I just- um, I know that this’ll sound rude but can you come back later? I just um, I just need to take this in.” You say, tears racing down your face

“Yeah yeah, just um, call me if you need me ok? I’m here.” He says, getting up

“Same here ” You say, getting up to give him a hug

“I just want you to know that he loved you so, so much” The blonde says, returning the affections

“I know.” You whispered

As you lock and close the door, a deafening, body racking sob crashes though your body.

you cried and cried, struggling to breath. You couldn't do this. You cant do this. You cry until you can't, simply opting to stare at nothing, letting your mind continue to run in a frenzy

You have since put your phone on dnd, not having the energy to read and answer the continually flowing ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’ and ‘Are you okay, I heard’ texts

You think about him. What he was, was he was going to be. You prayed to anyone that would listen, begging to give hime back to you. To let you see his face one more time.

The days following the news of how your husband gave his life to save hundreds were hectic and overwhelming. You were constantly giving public speeches and handling all of his affairs including his funeral. It was too much, but you couldn’t stop, because you knew deep down that if you did, that you wouldn’t start again.

By the time the day of the the funeral came, you had shed so many tears that you went numb to the aching pain of the headaches that ensued after. You hadn’t felt it, but the people around you noticed the change in you after Izuku died. The way your eyes lost the excitement, the way your skin lost the glow that it always had, the way you would immediately shut down any conversation about or concerning him, the way your aura was consumed with emptiness and hatred. But no one said anything, because if they did you, would give them a look that would put gut wrenching fear in them, no matter who it was. You were a different person now, your reason of why you did everything the way you did now gone.

After the ceremony was done, you sat beside him, doing nothing but admiring his headstone, a painful smile on your face.

"Hi baby. It's been to long since I've heard your voice. I need you, but you're gone and I don't know what to do. Please tell me, you always knew the answer. But tell me, what the hell am I supposed to do now that you're not here? I'm lost, and I cant find my way back. I need your help, so please, please come back to me. I need you."

As get move to the front of his stone you silently read the words.

‘A great husband and friend, and the best hero.’

“Why did you have to save the day? Why did you have to be the hero?”

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Hey y’all I hope y’all liked it, I was thinking about this and I personally think that it came out good, but thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed

-Nene