#a lot has been going on whether it has been mental stuff or irl stuff that led me to just disappear for a while

[blakhol]

Well hi!

I'm either remaking or revamping, not sure which yet. But I'm in general doing an overhaul of the blogs I want to keep and deleting those I'm done with for now - or the characters I only am writing specifically on discord.

I hope everyone has been well and staying safe. <3

[magpod-confessions]

I feel like the way some of the fandom treats Jon is unfair and tbh borderline ableist. It's not his fault that he got hooked on statements by Elias/Jonah, it's very clear that he was being manipulated into it from the beginning. And even once he starts having to take live statements, he doesn't want to have to! He canonically hates that he has to do that to people for sustenance, but that compulsion isn't within his control.

Like c'mon. It's very heavily implied that he becomes genuinely suicidal because of his self-loathing around this, and how the other people around him are treating him like a monster and demanding he "just control" something that he isn't actually able to. Which isn't to say that Basira/Melanie/Georgie/s5!Martin etc. don't have the right to feel that way/that their responses aren't understandable, but they still aren't fair to Jon.

Jon's existence such as it is might not be fair, because his presence does harm others unintentionally. But sometimes that's how things are, and it's equally if not more unfair for the others to act like he's just a monster who should be put down and is selfish for continuing to want to live and be healthy.

Honestly, it sort of feels like some of the fandom has ignored/forgotten that the situation Jon is in isn't unique to a horror story, and in fact has many parallels in real life (whether that be addiction, mental disorder/disability, trauma, etc.) and that to take the view of "well he should've just Not Done That Stuff, skill issue, anyways you can't blame the others for how they treated him" is not exactly going to make actual people who are/have been in situations like that feel welcome in fandom spaces.

🗣️ (but no pressure)

I yea. Agree! I feel you can definitely have a discussion abt how much control Jon has over his actions, but at the end of the day, Jon has been manipulated to hell and back. But I also feel that a lot of it comes from a place of 'If I was in his situation I wouldnt do that' which has some victim blaming undertones, but also hes a fictional character in a fictional setting, which definitely influences how ppl talk abt him. If someone irl talked abt being abused and manipulated, along with having their addiction/disability taken advantage of, even if that same person would go on and on abt how 'The persons actually fine and its my fault' ppl likely would be very kind and take the situation very srsly, which isnt the same kind of reaction ppl have towards Jon, due to him being a fictional character - rosette

yeah i. heavily agree with this too anon. im way too tired to put any true thought into this like rosette did but yeah. people really dont take jons situation serious, and this extends to other characters in the series as well. the fandom doesn't often think further about avatars past 'haha they have to serve a dread power and they cant do anything about it' . - deceit

[drdemonprince]

It wasn't the main topic of your most recent post on substack, so I'm sending this here. In passing you talk about left-leaning neurodivergent people on social media, and the guilt and fatigue that comes from the constant avalanche of causes and events being shared.

One thing that stands out to me is how much of what I see is people borrowing grief from the future. This is probably partially due to people wanting to show that they care about it. However I feel it's more than that, because underneath that there's something else. It feels very similar to the catastrophizing autistic people in particular can be prone to. You know, where you get so lost obsessing over a hypothetical possible outcome that you complete lose sight of all the things that have to happen for it to come to pass. Things that are often unlikely to begin with on their own, but combined even more so. And then this gets shared and fractally further catastrophized upon. All pulling grief from the future for things that may not even happen.

Seeing all that is so exhausting, as there's often little to no distinction between what's actually urgent in the here and now, and what's an emotional resonance cascade about what *might* happen (and any actual information to be able to judge it has been lost due to the game of Internet telephone, or was never there (ie. a twitter screengrab.) Sometimes disentangling that mess is possible, but it takes a lot of stress and energy, on top of the stress and energy seeing people upset about it in the first place.

My question is two-fold:

How do you (gently) tell people that what they're doing is counterproductive when just sharing anything without checking whether it's actually urgent, not misleading, not just spreading panic and needlessly borrowing grief from the future? Because with the exception of people you know *well* and even then, that feels like a fool's errand, even if you can avoid the toxic positivity vibes that people might get from you if you try.

Decide if social media is at all worth it. I personally don't follow "big" accounts, but even outside that it's all just so... the enjoyable and interesting parts where people talk about their stuff or share what they do or made feel like they're being snowed over by all the rest. I could quit it all, but that doesn't feel right. It's a tricky question because I feel the specter of the toxic positivity crowd sweeping anything difficult under the rug or disengaging to ~protect their mental~ looming over me. (Not to mention that all the IRL social events around me go through a dizzying array of social media sites, so complete disengagement isn't possible anyway.)

(Yes, I appreciate the irony of asking this on social media.) I'd appreciate any thoughts you might have on this.

Thanks for this all-too-relatable question, Anon! My thoughts:

How do you (gently) tell people that what they're doing is counterproductive when just sharing anything without checking whether it's actually urgent, not misleading, not just spreading panic and needlessly borrowing grief from the future? Because with the exception of people you know *well* and even then, that feels like a fool's errand, even if you can avoid the toxic positivity vibes that people might get from you if you try.

My answer is that you really don't. You can't convince someone to see the world your way or alter their behavior with your words. What you can do is take care of yourself and set an example with your behavior. By spending less time online digesting this bullshit, not involving yourself in petty,dissolve-on-your-tongue internet fights, not reacting when people send some dumb fuckshit to you, and surrounding yourself with more enriching sources of information and ways to connect, other people's online bullshit will bother you less, you'll see it less, and by virtue of contributing to it all less, you may slowly serve as a model for others who are looking to detach from it, too.

You can tell your close friends that you are spending less time online and trying to avoid alarmist bullshit, but not much good usually comes from engaging about it with anyone else. In fact, even posting a bad infographic in order to argue with it/disprove it only gives it more exposure, and some research on attitude change and persuasion finds that setting out to disprove a myth only leads to more people believing in it anyway. I did some laboratory studies on that back in the day. So I'd say it's usually better to just ignore/block/not read the BS.

2. (How do you) Decide if social media is at all worth it. I personally don't follow "big" accounts, but even outside that it's all just so… the enjoyable and interesting parts where people talk about their stuff or share what they do or made feel like they're being snowed over by all the rest. I could quit it all, but that doesn't feel right. It's a tricky question because I feel the specter of the toxic positivity crowd sweeping anything difficult under the rug or disengaging to ~protect their mental~ looming over me. (Not to mention that all the IRL social events around me go through a dizzying array of social media sites, so complete disengagement isn't possible anyway.)

I think my previous answer kind of alludes to the answer to this one. I find that I use social media less and less these days, because it does not help me professionally, socially, or emotionally very much at all. On the professional level, more social media usage does not translate to more readers or more interesting creative/collaborative opportunities. What does seem to pay off is speaking from true sincerity and passion, however often I am so moved, and then not engaging with bullshit in the aftermath of sharing it. So I post and ghost whenever I feel that I have something to say, never checking notifications/reactions/comments/etc for the most part.

Socially, social media use lately has been dismal for me. Seeing everyone's hot takes, bids for attention, trauma spirals, and petty fights makes me actively like humanity far less. And that's something I have already struggled with generally. I do not need to absorb every random person I've ever met's every random fleeting thought. It makes me socially anxious, far too worried about how people perceive me, and viciously judgement and hopeless myself. What social media IS useful for, socially, is finding events, as you've alluded to. So I do hop onto Instagram to check out my favorite party organizers, drag performers, mutual aid groups, trans beach day organizers, bars, etc to see what is going on. I don't do much beyond that these days.

Emotionally/psychologically, social media is stressful, alarmist, distracting, and occasionally informative and fun for me. Again your mileage may vary. My way of coping right now is to spend as little time on Instagram/Twitter/Facebook etc as possible, because very little of intellectual consequence happens there, and to selectively visit the specific tumblrs who put out posts that I like. I don't even scroll the feed. I have also replaced scrolling social media with reading Substacks and Medium articles and that has helped me a TON. I still get exposure to a wide array of humanity, including a lot of takes that I disagree with or find silly, but everything's a bit more measured and intentional and there's less fighting.

I do not know what will work for you, Anon, and I think for many of us this is an ongoing negotiation between competing needs. I consider saying fuck it and deleting everything pretty often. well, everything other than tumblr. I'm here to stay.

[mymistakewriting]

Just some more SalTommy thoughts

So the boys have been in my head pretty consistently, I've just been having a shit go of things irl so I haven't been able to pause to share any thoughts until now. Please enjoy.

Sal and Tommy are listed as each other's emergency contacts both through the department and on medical release forms. While Sal does have other people on his ICE list, Tommy doesn't. If Tommy's in the hospital, Sal's the only one getting a call. He never fails to show up.

These boys traded clothes a lot. It was always sweatshirts of Tommy's that went missing because Tommy was smaller than Sal back then, but Tommy ended up with t-shirts and Sal's famous beige jacket that he still has years later.

I fully believe that Tommy is the designated driver friend between the two of them. That said, Sal has come to pick Tommy up from a bar at last call when he was near-black out drunk. They never talked about what made Tommy drink so much and drink alone.

Sal's got a key to Tommy's place and vice versa. Sal doesn't call before he drops by, Tommy does. It irritates Sal to no end that Tommy won't listen when he tells him that he's always welcome no matter what's happening.

You square up to one of these boys, you'll end up fighting them both. They're protective over one another for damn sure - think Casey and Severide from Chicago Fire: you insult one, you've insulted them both and you better hope someone steps in because the first punch WILL put you on the ground. Tommy gives a verbal warning before he punches. Sal does not.

They're the "final test" for each other where partners are concerned. For Sal, it's family, team, Tommy. For Tommy, it's team, then Sal.

Sal is one of the few people Tommy still cooks for whenever he asks. He's on a very short list since Gerrard's time as Captain saw cooking used as a punishment.

I am entirely convinced Tommy had a crush on Sal. Whether or not he acted on it? I ping pong a bit on it.

Sal was the first person Tommy came out to. Similarly, Tommy is the only one who's ever seen Sal check out a man's ass while they're out in the city. Sal might not label himself but by God, no one is convinced that man is totally straight.

Sal keeps a list pinned in his phone's notes of things for bad mental health days for Tommy. He also keeps the stuff for a care package on hand just in case it's needed. Said care package includes a few tea bags of a tea he knows Tommy likes, some snacks, a pack of cheap cigarettes and one of the cheap-ass maypop lighters, and a DVD of whatever stupid romcom he could find that he thought Tommy would like but hasn't seen a million times.

Speaking of: Tommy definitely smokes as a stress relief. Man's a firefighter AND a former army pilot, there's no way that habit hasn't snuck in. Sal found out because he stumbled on Tommy with a cigarette in his mouth. It's a well-kept secret, but one that Sal relies on for bad days.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

just an update?

Hello my maggots, Asmi here. I'm really sorry that I haven't replied to a lot of the stuff I've been tagged in/reblogs/DMs, it has been a... chaotic two days. I promise I'll get to them soon, as soon as my mind calms down a bit (to its ordinary level of chaos, I mean).

In an update on the 10khaos, for those who haven't heard, my hair is indeed now Crowley red, the Discord server is made (and currently broiling in utter madness, the Youtube channel has also been made and I have an idea for the first video, and I will soon set forth and adopt the Crowley, Aziraphale and Adam plants.

So as for the irl mind stuff, it's basically that the red hair brought up the question of whether or not I'd be able to go through with college, design school starts in May-ish.

(um mild tw for bullying and a mention of transphobia, skip the next two paragraphs if that is a trigger for you)

I've been in college before, that was design too, for three months. And I had to drop out because I was being isolated and bullied by everyone there including the dean, as well as a lot of transphobia and discrimination on the basis of mental health issues.

Soooo... yeah. There's also the fact that the new college will be far more conservative and I live in India and it's all really a shit of a mess. So my mum asked me to think about whether I wanted to do distance learning instead, since I already am a designer and have done projects.

It's a lot to think about. And my head is being all messy, ya know how it is. If any of you have advice or experience with distance learning, that would be amazing, actually.

(Also my family were kind of really mean about my Crowley hair)

(Oh well)

(I love it and I have you amazing maggots so)

Anyway yes I just wanted to say what was going on so that you know why if I don't respond immediately to things going on :") And if you want to interact with the other maggots, the Discord server is always there, links get messed up on posts but I'm sure @arkytiorlecter or @howmanyholesinswisscheese will send you the invite link if you need it. It's in one of my posts, but things do tend to get lost on my blog, don't they?

No matter what I want you all to know that you are so, so loved, you are more than enough just by existing and being your beautiful selves, and you have made my life immeasurably better. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I love you I love you I love you maggots. I promise I'll go through the notes soon and cause chaos :") So beware. It just might take a day or two for me to get back to my usual frequency of chronical onlineness (which is my happy place muehuehue).

Have a wonderful day, and remember to eat and sleep and hydrate and take meds if you need to.

All my maggoty princely love for you, Asmi

[ilikepjo24]

I just like- sure sure proshippers are people but proshipping and the ships it perpetuates still affects the real world. I don’t count ships that are toxic with proshippers but I do count incest ships and that affects people. Either degenerates who get off to it or people who have been affected by incest and the category of people who have those desires and are using this as a way to justify their disgusting actions

But like- obviously harrassing someone isn’t good but explaining that this isn’t good and yeah it might be fiction but it still affects the world

I mean, just ask why Stephen King’s ‘Rage’ was pulled from publication. Because y’know mentally ill kids read it, already had intentions to shoot up their school, and took this as what convinced them to do it

Of course there’s a lot of controversy and stuff with the book rage and dubious if it did do that

But still

Your media that you put out and consume has real world consequences

That’s just what I’m trying to say lol

Oh. It's you again. Yay. 🙂

I'd like to start by saying I've interacted with tones of proshippers and exactly 0% of them ever decided to use the fiction they consume as justification for doing it irl bc none of them actually do it irl. Non-proshippers have created this idea that proshippers are crazy, horny weirdos and degenerates when really most of them are pretty chill. Until you accuse them of being crazy, horny weirdos and degenerates, that is. Then they get pretty upset. And they have every right to.

I've never met a proshipper that thought what they liked in fiction was okay in reality as well. I have, however, had the displeasure of meeting tones of anti-proship people that seem as if they have a rape and abuse kink more than actual proshippers do, because they go around spreading rumours that "proshipper-x was abused as a child and that's why they like incest ships" and "proshipper-y was raped by their male friend as a teenager and that's why they like non-con". Honestly, how are you gonna come at someone for being a proshipper of fictional characters when you have more rape/abuse fantasies about real people than they do about their fictional ships?

And another thing, notice how you felt the need to mention that the people that were affected in such ways by the book "Rage" where mentally ill people? And notice how school shootings still happen even now that this book is no longer being published? The patern I see here has nothing to do with the book itself, since it's not a necessary factor for a shooting to occur, but the untreated mental illness. And if that's the case, which it is, then the form of media people consume won't solve or worsen their issues.

Fact is, if somebody has the mindset of "shooting up a school is okay", they'll shoot up a school, regardless of whether or not they read "Rage". The fact that a bunch of other people that didn't have some type of untreated mental illness read the same book without initiating a school shooting after only proves that point.

So instead of using types of fictional media as a scapegoat, let's put our big boy pants on and accept that the real problem is the way mental health is being perceived by society to this day. Of course people are going to have untreated mental illness because of course they're not going to reach out for help if they think something wrong with them because of course society will treat them like an outcast and a monster instead of helping treat their mental illness. And the result of this is that no matter how much we police what goes on online, people are still going to do disturbing things. So the awareness you think you're spreading and the proper explanations you think you are giving in my askbox will not lower the count of ppl that practice incest irl.

Instead of turning the web into a space where we have to walk on eggshells, we should focus on solving the true problem, which is the demonization of mental illness. And if that problem is solved, then our world will be filled by sane people that can seperate fiction from reality and therefore won't apply fictional standards to real situations. Because of you don't solve a problem under the rug and use a scapegoat to distract from the root of the issue, then the problem will eventually demand enough attention to be solved.

With all that being said, I'm flattered by how influential you think I am, but my humble 300 follower blog on a dying website won't normalize incest irl any time soon. Or ever, to be exact.

Finally, if you're somebody I know, and I'm holding your hands as I say this with as much affection as I can master up for you, grow a pair and DM me so we can talk properly instead of taking up space in my very public, very influential, very famous Tumblr blog. I promise, if we talk one on one without the anon feature, I won't be as rude as I am now, that I think of you to be nothing but an annoying anon.

Or, preferably, actually pay attention to the things I said earlier, because I made done pretty valid points over there, which leads me to believe there's no reason for this conversation to drag on any longer.

[corcnaiism]

;-- alrighty so i have come to my decision. i will be moving my oc and my gf muses to another blog bc i feel like there is so much lore ive created and will be creating that will require its own blog for me to dump everything in without feeling like im clogging the dash.

i also been feeling like this blog has run dry and i need to start fresh again. i will keep it with the other muses i have just in case i get inspo to write them, but so far ive been nose deep in gf, especially with my oc that is heavily involved in that verse, so i feel like i just need another blog for me to throw all that stuff into.

i also just haven't been feeling comfortable in this blog anymore even with the things ive tried doing to make it easier for me to be around. it's like ive disconnected myself/been disconnected from the rest of the community, and i honestly just need to go somewhere else and start anew. even tho i might not get a lot of interactions for gf stuff, at least i won't feel like i'm blowing someone's dash and feeling annoying or something. sure, people would've just unfollowed/block me, but still idk i just feel uneasy speaking about the things ive been super passionate about lately. i might not get much traction either once i move blogs, but at least it'll feel like i'm throwing my ideas out there to those who genuinely want to see me yap my brains out or even just to myself without feeling awkward doing so.

i blame my low self esteem tbh. i just have zero confidence in myself when it comes to putting myself out there, and sometimes it gets to me that i don't have someone to talk to about things or feel like im being ignored/annoying. it's honestly just my own fault tbh and giving myself a hard time, and this is just something i deal with on a day to day basis whether it be online or irl.

so yeah ill just stop there before i get into trauma-dumping territory but uh yeah so ill most likely be creating a new blog and pouring all of my gf stuff on there with my oc and my other canon muses. i just feel like that's the better option bc like i said there has been so much ive written and still have to write about the worldbuilding for that universe where my oc exists within the gf realm that i feel it deserves to have its own blog. ill be turning this blog into my secondary blog and come back to it every now and then when i get muses for other fandoms. i feel like this will just be better for my own mental health too and stay away from feeling isolated.

if you read this far and you have written with any of gf muses, oc included, i will be moving our threads over to the new blog and tag you appropriately if you wish to continue. i'll post something on here whenever i've moved to the new blog so you're aware that it's me tagging you just in case you're confused as well as sending dms. i'll probably have this new blog up and running after the holidays and my trip, so expect an update or two on the upcoming new year.

and another note if you've read this far, i wanna wish you all happy holidays and please make sure you do what you can to stay safe. i love you guys and thank you so much for giving me another lovely year <3

[roundearthsociety]

This is going to be a tad personal but how do you manage to be trans and catholic? Some of the biggest anti trans voices like Matt Walsh, Michael Knowles and Desantis base their views off that religion. Many trans people on here, Reddit and IRL have nothing but disdain for Catholicism because of the Vatican’s statements and how they’ve been treated. Likewise, a lot of Catholics I’ve seen on tumblr, Reddit and various forums view it as a sin, mental illness or pedophilia and oppose affirming care as well as IVF.

I’m an American exvangelical, who does have some conservative Catholic family members, and I’m trying to broaden my perspective a bit rather than writing Catholicism off as an irredeemable, hateful colonizer ideology and viewing paganism and Reform Judaism as the only valid religions like most Tumblr users do. How do you put up with it when many refuse to affirm it, including the pope who’s still very conservative? I’m not asking to attack your beliefs but are simply curious whether there’s more nuance than people will claim.

This is something that's a bit hard to answer, as someone who's not that good a theologian nor that good at theory. Plus, I'm not side A, so I wouldn't be all that good at discussing Catholicism While Queer with you I suspect. Anyway I will be assuming you, the reader, have got some level of legitimate Christian faith. Because otherwise I'm not sure how to like. Give you that.

So let me preface all of this by recommending you look into queer Catholic organizations such as New Ways Ministry, or especially DignityUSA which I've heard good things about. There are also some Tumblr bloggers on the more affirming side of things, most of them aren't really doing all that much advocacy work either but you might find it interesting to scroll through, idk, and-her-saints or shoutsofmybones's blogs for example, and take a look.

Also: you don't have to give up on Christianity entirely if you can't / would rather not be Catholic! Even if the specific ritual and community aspect is especially important to you, the Episcopal Church is probably decently well implanted where you live and is worth looking into, especially since it doesn't have the embedded political elements that the US Catholic Church tends to have.

As for my own personal answer below - please don't bother to get mad at me for this, it's like 4AM and I'm not too interested in writing a thesis here.

Gender-wise it's honestly pretty straightforward. I know I function better being generally recognized as another sex than I was assigned at birth, with characteristics to match; everything else in terms of gender roles names etc is really just getting a lil silly with it ngl. This is neither especially uncommon nor especially new, and the generally recognized way to deal with this has long been to just let people do their thing. While there are issues with the way that's being done (hey! you should freeze your gametes if that's available to you! don't count on never wanting kids, especially if you're a teenager! trust me on this one.), a lot of the modern discourse around it boils down to "this is disgusting to me so it must be morally wrong". And like, I'm a biologist, I can't really find it in myself to be grossed out by this stuff anymore.

Anyway the Church is far from a monolith. Even at the institutional level there's plenty of tolerance; my home diocese is based in a large and ancient Mediterranean city so God knows it's had ages to get used to the weird shit, not counting the handful of trad strongholds. My understanding of the situation in the US is that it's Kind Of Really Not That though, so I'd strongly recommend heavily looking into your local Catholic diocese and parishes before making any moves, because Catholic faith and practice are a very community-bound thing and it's not really something you can do at a distance. Thankfully though, once you start avoiding the political activists trying to use faith as a means to an end (as is the case for most of the people you cite in your ask), you'll find that it's relatively more chill than you'd think. Let me elaborate.

My own case is complicated enough that I can't reasonably apply any of the details to this, but ultimately what's important to note here is that Christianity is functionally about how everyone is flawed, and everyone fucks up, and sure you'll be forgiven but you've got to own up to it first. The members of the Church, even the Pope, even (most of) the Saints in their earthly lives, are no exception. They can be misguided, fearful, or just plain hateful; in such circumstances, it's on them to do better, not on you to adapt to their flaws, and they know this if they're honest to themselves. This, in turn, must apply just as much to you and me; as a Christian, you (generic) have everything you need to do better, and to know anything that prevents you from loving other people is probably not the way to go.

But anyway yeah. I'm trans and Catholic because both of those are just kinda who I am, and I don't intend to stop being either because I'm not interested in replacing myself with the cop in my head. So the Church can have fun with that.

[mistralxsoul]

//I know I keep doing this and I apologize but replies are going to be a bit spaced out for a while (like they weren't already) so I'm probably going to officially say that I'm going to be on a Semi-Hiatus until further notice.

What this means is I'll work on replies when motivation strikes me so there may be days at a time where I don't reply. Thank you for your patience.

For reasons why, I'll put under a read more.

//Vent warning and all that.

I'm on Mobile at the moment so I probably won't go for too long but I'm taking this semi-hiatus for a couple of reasons.

The big one right now is that real life has dealt me a really bad hand and will not slow down in the slightest. Between family expectations, a car accident (I'm fine), car repairs, being forced to buy a new laptop bc my cat demolished my old one and a bunch of other things that keep happening, I'm not really doing too great at the moment. I'm stressed beyond belief.

Which leads into reason #2 and #3: depression has been beating me down into the ground lately. I can't bring myself to focus on replies a lot of the time just due to me being extremely tired all the time, whether I sleep or not. And it's being doing numbers on my confidence as a writer. I wanna reach out and interact with new ppl but

hoo boy I am terrified beyond words bc the brain is convinced that I am a pretty mid writer.

So tldr, I'm struggling with a lot physically and mentally and anything that I DO work on is self indulgent stuff.

Im sorry again if I take a while to reply to anyone. I try my hardest but I'm running out of steam irl and I'm running out of energy to give.

Hoping the anti-depressants calm me down and that I can get my irl issues out of the way soon bc I adore Flynn with all of my being and soul and I love writing him and exploring his character like this.

Thank you again for your patience.

[yuurivoice]

Just wanted to say that even though I do avoid exploring any tags related to me, I do absolutely recognize and appreciate a ton of you who regularly post awesome art, headcanons, and memes.

A lot of that is thanks to people sharing those fun, awesome things! Reblogs where I end up seeing them on mutuals blogs and stuff helps, so share and gas each other up!

There are people in this community that have been here for years, who have seen this entire corner of the internet shift and grow for better or worse. The OGs who have been around before I ever made this blog know how far the community has come, how much it's stayed the same, and how much it has changed. And I've grown along with it. My aspirations and hopes and creativity has evolved so much from just doing silly little posts as an anime twink to having a full blown web series.

Despite that growth, I am still just a guy trying to tell his stories and make some voices while doing it. I have a small team around me, and without them this would be even more difficult than it already is. We're not corporate, we're independent artists and freelancers and creatives just trying to do cool stuff, and are lucky enough that something worked.

I've failed so much over the course of my life. You see the results of things, and for the most part are incredibly kind and supportive. Thousands upon thousands have appreciated my work in one way or another, and that's a dream come true for me. I never bothered wanting anything more in my life than to share stories with people. I didn't have a bucket list, or many aspirations. I was at a dead end and ready to just give up. That mentality and the time spent going in circles did a lot of damage over time.

But you found me, whether it was 6 years ago or a week ago, and whatever support and vibes you've sent my way have mattered. I won't ever lose sight of that.

I wanted to say that because I know I am not as ingrained into my own community as an active participant and that may make me seem distant, or stuck up, or something. It's not for any sort of disdain or lack of appreciation though, it's just me, and trying to keep my head clear.

You don't get an instruction manual when you're suddenly a niche internet micro celebrity. They don't tell you about scrolling through fan art at 3am and then seeing the nastiest, most mean spirited, bad faith takes about your work you've ever seen. Shit is weird, man. And it's not for me, because I give way too much of a shit about my art, and that's a flaw. My skin has gotten thicker over the years, but what happens on days when your mental health is in the shitter? Weeks where I've been fighting my demons and losing can't afford me the grace to step on a weird internet landmine brought on by the symptoms of being a creative trying and failing and succeeding all at once in a world where everyone on the internet has an opinion they want to shout into the void.

And people can do that! It's my responsibility to look after myself and set those boundaries for my own comfort, not anyone's fault for just doing their thing on the internet, ya know? Once you put yourself out there, you have to accept that people are gonna people. Same irl, shit, I've been a fat kid my whole life, I'm certainly no stranger to people being obscenely rude for no reason other than they like the sound of their own voice.

I just wanted y'all to know that even though we're well beyond the "little internet family" vibes that some creators foster, I'm not up in some ivory tower (ha, said the thing) looking down like a curmudgeon. I am rooting especially hard for all the fellow creatives out there on their own journeys, wanting to share their passion and dreams with the world as well. I want you to win, and succeed, and find fulfillment with whatever drives you to make things.

Guess I was in my feelings a little bit and just wanted to say that I do see many of you and am thankful you've allowed me to play some kind of role in entertaining, comforting, or inspiring you. That means the world to me.

[chounaifu]

I’m really glad that those asks I sent out are being well-received. There’s still a few more that I need to write up, but, I’m pacing myself. :’)

Thoughts about my own current state beneath the cut, since my therapist always encourages me to open up to the people in my space. Some of it can be potentially triggering, so, please do not open if the discussion of trauma, stalking and abuse is harmful to you:

I’ve been vocal about the horrifying, traumatic stuff that caused me to leave the RPC in 2017, to a few of you before. Without going into deep detail, between the years of 2017-2021, I was trapped in an extremely, extremely abusive relationship with a member of the RPC who is no longer here, thank fuck. Because of my poor coping skills and extremely fragile mental health at the time, he managed to keep me in a social isolation until I finally left him in 2021. And I mean true social isolation; I wasn’t allowed to talk to anybody but him. (I literally had to lie and pretend like I was having internet troubles if I even wanted to open up another chat box on Discord to talk to somebody, because he would literally point out the amount of minutes it took for me to respond to him.) He tracked my location in real time with GPS. He controlled what I ate when we spent time together irl. He forced me to quit one of my jobs before, because he wasn’t pleased with how busy I was. Any free time I had, had to be given to him. I had no identity, no autonomy, no sense of self.

Since I left him in 2021, I’ve been in a long process of learning how to be a human being again, how to exist around multiple people, and how to monitor my energy levels. It’s been hard, and, there’s a lot of times where I have to learn that I am adapting to an entirely new way of life. I used to be able to write a lot of thread replies, ask replies, and drabbles in a short period of time, but, my brain just does not do that anymore. And it makes me sad, but, I know that my RP partners understand my situation.

I cannot emphasis how much going from *one* person to— well, a lot of good friends has been good for me, but also a difficult experience in itself, because I’m still fighting with my own hypersensitivity and paranoia.

Choosing to come back here was one of the scariest decisions I have ever made. And, even though I don’t vocalize it, I actively fight trauma responses every single time I open Tumblr— not because anybody is doing anything to me, but because the experience I went through was so deep.

That’s why I’ve been trying to take a minute to sit down, and send some nice words to everybody. You never know what somebody is going through. *Nobody* knew what I was going through, because I hid it so well— because I was forced to. We’re all human beings, on this rock, and we all chose to sit here and write, whether because it is a coping mechanism, something we’re passionate about, or because it’s simply fun. And I think that’s really, really beautiful.

I don’t think I’m ever going to be the same, energetic Rex that I once was. And I wish I could be. But that is okay.

So, for the people who welcomed me back, and remembered me: thank you for accepting my return, and accepting my apology.

And for the people who didn’t know me, who have become my friend lately: thank you for giving me a chance.

I’ve lost a lot of people, both friends and family, in the past decade or so. Nobody can fill those gaps, but, you guys make me feel a lot less lonely. Believe it or not, I don’t have many friends irl, and I really don’t know what I would be doing with myself right now if I hadn’t chosen to come back to Tumblr.

I wish there was more I could do to help uplift everybody who has been having a difficult time lately, I really, really do. But, at the end of the day, I cannot; what I can do, is point out that there’s at least *one* person out there who wants to see the best happen for you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I just want to be a good person, despite of the horrible things I was called by my abuser, and I hope I am doing that.

[chipped-chimera]

Just wanna say sorry to people over the past month ... months? That tagged me in WIP Wednesdays, I'm sorry I haven't really been doing much of anything creatively, feeling kinda rough 💀 But thank you so much of thinking of me, I love seeing everything that you do!

Partial? Explaination/Life Update under the cut I guess.

Hi! Hello. First off, thanks for being interested. It warms my heart people care about me so much, that I've made an impact and people are happy to see my stuff. I wish so badly I could be making stuff like this all the time! Doing those things (whether art, or modding or just my dumb screenshots) and seeing people enjoy what I was making really got me through the hardest parts of this year.

This year has been a massive turning point in many ways. It just hit me I MADE this blog this year like, holy shit guys! I've felt so welcome in the Cyberpunk 2077 space and consider a lot of people my friends, whether we talk outside Tumblr or not. I'm just so happy to see your posts and your thoughts! 💖 For someone who just through how life shook out to end up really socially isolated irl, you guys have helped form the bedrock of a place I can come back to that always makes me feel better.

It's why I wish I did more. That I could contribute to that more and in turn, maybe help someone else as much as it helped me. But it's hard. Really hard.

I have realised a lot of things about my life in recent months, and I think it's a good sign - that I'm in a more solid place mentally to unpack things that have been sitting boxed up for years because I was just too exhausted to deal with them. They've both been great to unpack ... but painful at the same time. It's kind of in moments like these my passion to create things starts to suffer. It's hard to muster up enough motivation sometimes to just do what I want to do because I'm constantly struggling with a brain and body that just doesn't do what I want it to do - and that fact often makes me feel even worse and want to do even less.

I'm kind of stuck in one of these spirals at the moment. I have some idea of the way out but ... I don't know. This might be a period of grief for myself or something. It took me a long time to realise I'd been lying to myself about a lot of things - stuff I'd did out of necessity for survival at the time, basically becoming water and pouring myself into whatever mold I thought would be safe, that people would like me in. Online spaces, that I carefully curate, detached from any real-life connection have been my home in the absence of feeling myself for so long - especially as the world around me shrank.

I'm hoping in the new year, as me and my psychologist start working on the C-PTSD that apparently had roots way, way deeper than I could even imagine - things might get easier. I'm hoping like hell that maybe my fatigue is connected, that it'll ease - because to finally, finally be in a place with a supportive parent who is attentive and I have the words to explain what I need, and for that to be respected - to finally be myself - only to be held back by my brain and body because the damage went so deep I just can't is agonizing.

I'm gonna keep believing that this is just the bottom of this mountain, this turn around point. It's gotta be, I feel like my entire life has been leveled. And I know it's not going to be easy to climb back up there, repair the damage, get where I want to be. I don't even know if I'll get to where I want to be but ... at least I'll be myself. For the first time in my life.

So um. Thank you. For being around. For being my foundation through this. Wish you guys all the best for 2024, and I hope I'll be able to share more cool things with you soon 💜🖤💜🖤💜🖤

Kery

[astral-mariner]

Wip ask game!

🔒 [Lock] Would you let your family, friends, or other people you know in real life read your WIP?

❌ [Cross] What would your WIP get cancelled on Twitter for?

Ask game here!

🔒 [Lock] Would you let your family, friends, or other people you know in real life read your WIP?

My partner of 9 years has in fact written DB stories with me at various points in our relationship! They helped me refine how I write Bulma, even. We actually met through DB fandom. Same goes for my best friend---we started talking after I commented on her Vegeta darkfic after coming back to reread it after having it live rent free in my mind for almost 10 years. She has been reading my long Saiyans under Freeza darkfic as I've been writing it, too. She counts as IRL because we've met in person, haha. As for other friends and family? Probably not. My stuff is very horny and can be extremely dark, so it's definitely not the kind of thing I can go around sharing casually. Besides being fandom stuff. If I got close to someone, though, who liked fanworks and whom I didn't work with or anything like that, I'd definitely consider letting them read it if my stuff was to their tastes.

❌ [Cross] What would your WIP get cancelled on Twitter for?

Haha---so, so, so much. As a horror/darkfic writer, I handle a ton of sensitive and disturbing topics. Graphic scenes of mental/physical torture, abusive relationships, sexual violence, general blood and gore, etc. Sometimes I intentionally blend horror and erotica. It's definitely not for everyone even if I treat all the subject matter seriously and don't do it just for shock value. And while I think there is a lot of meaning and perhaps even comfort to be found in processing dark topics through art (as we all face hardship and can relate to characters going through difficult things and trying to survive), some don't agree. I can understand certain horror topics being triggering for some folks and their needing to avoid them, but I don't think it means that there should be no dark media at all for those for whom that media can be meaningful/cathartic/helpful. As a general rule, I try to warn people ahead of time what sort of content they can expect so they can make an informed decision on whether to proceed.

[the-trans-advice-blog]

Long Vent, apologies in advance (feel free to ignore this):

I'm a bit worried about whether I can transition (legally and medically) cause I live in south africa and I'm just scared the seemingly lack of formalized trans healthcare is gonna fuck stuff up for me, doesn't really help that I everyone I know and know of irl is cis, every single person besides me is cis. And my non-transphobic parents still don't believe that I'm not their little girl even after being out to them for about 2 years. And they're the most liberal family members i have, the rest are extremely conservative and transphobic. And I'm just fucking scared. For fucks sake I don't even have the guarantee of hearing or reading my name anywhere each day. Like atleast I've got a few friends who are extremely supportive of me (one of them continuesly telling me that she does not understand why anyone ever thinks I'm a girl cause I already pass as a cis guy lol) and it fucking sucks that my school is a conservative Christian school (not like america public schools can be religious here) where I was the second "girl" to have a short haircut in the entire school and it's a massive fucking school. Counting me atleast there's 4 people who have short "boy" hair and have to wear the girls' uniform. On that topic I fucking hate that I can't be out to teachers, the teachers regularly make horribly transohobic comments without being prompted to or even knowing about the one half-out trans kid (me). Like i hear shit like teachers saying they believe trans people are truly sick in the head and that they want kids to out their trans friends (luckily my friends are nice enough not to do that) and I hate the girl's uniform I gotta wear and I hate it all and I've still gotta deal with high school for 2 and ¾ years. And idk my mental health has been really bad lately and this all doesn't help, and i love being trans, I just want to atleast be tolerated for it amd have a bit more stable future planned in terms of transition. And I want my parents to fucking be able to help with that, they're wonderful parents otherwise sonjwnush I could just rely on them a little for some of this shit.

idk I'm just scared and tired and dysphoric and I feel very very alone

(On another note, I appreciate your blog a lot, you're cool)

I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through this. Obviously there’s nothing I can say to make it magically better but I hope you do know there’s a huge community out there who’s happy to support you in whatever ways we can. I’m not sure how safe online spaces are for you if your family is conservative but you’ll always have a safe space here to talk about whatever you need to. I hope one day you can get out if you want to, or that something’s changes in the area you’re in. High school is the worst, especially being trans, but I know that you can get through it! I’m really happy you have some supportive friends, and if I were you I’d maybe try to make some online ones if you haven’t already just because it seems like the people around you won’t be very safe.

I wish you luck on your journey and I really hope things get better for you.

[miru667]

HIII!! miru, i'm shakoo

I was really doubting whether to send you this message or not, because I felt sorry but hey!, my curiosity and need to know more brought me here hehe

(sorry if I have grammatical errors, I'm still learning English so I make mistakes, I still hope you understand what I mean)

Well I'll summarize it as much as I can ^^

Miru I love your art so much and Au (I'm still updating myself with the story so I can understand it more)

I recently became very interested in the Lorax fandom, (specifically for the character most acclaimed) The once-ler fandom, I didn't know it had its own place on the internet and I never really inquired much about it, but a month ago I found myself with one of your pieces of art and I was honestly surprised that the onceler had fanarts, and when I discovered your blog I was fascinated

I have been reading and reading everything for days, and I love what was formed around the movie

And I loved your headcanons as well as the analysis that you did from time to time.

And well the question I wanted to ask you is just one

How does it feel to be part of this fandom for literally 1 decade?

I can't imagine the things you experienced in the fandon and the history that it entails :O

And finally

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry if the message is a bit long, or a bit meaningless, but there are many things on my mind right now, I've read so many blogs jeje

Without more to say, thank you very much Miru!!!

Omg HIIII welcome to the fandom! I'm so happy you ended up sending this message, please don't hesitate because I love answering asks! Man I'm!! 🥺 I'm so honoured to hear that you've enjoyed my art and my headcanons and analyses, I'm really proud of the few analyses I did so that makes me really happy 🙈

Good luck on your reading of old posts, there is so much to read I can't even imagine being able to catch up with everything O_O New fandom members who try to read old stuff are real troopers.

As for your question ahhhHHHH I KNOWWW I've been in this fandom for literally a third of my life so far...I say this to everyone but onceler fandom is like my culture now. 🥲 That's how it feels. You are right, there were a lot of valuable experiences and there has been a lot of history.

I see people dig up old posts and reblog them and sometimes I think "they don't know that that piece of art was drawn by my friend for my other friend to cheer them up when they were going through a rough time" or "they don't know that this piece of art led to the falling out of a friend group" or "they don't know that I literally watched my friend draw the sketch for this piece of art when I visited them irl many years ago and it was one of the most happiest times of my life that I can't get back anymore because we drifted apart from each other"

Like..! :,) Many pieces of our lives are attached to this fandom so I just hope that our old stuff gets treated with respect. I don't watch YouTube analyses of the fandom anymore because they just talk about oncest and maybe mention the AUs and they don't know that most of the fandom was actually about our friendships with each other.

So that's how it feels to have been in the fandom for a decade! You become familiar with certain patterns too so I see certain things happening over and over again as the fandom revives itself over and over, but with every revival there's something new too because of the general shifts in internet culture haha. These past few years I've preferred to stay a bit removed from it all for my own mental health and just concentrate on my Audrey oc and rping with my friends 🥰

Thank you for the ask and no need to apologize for a long message since I just typed an even longer one HAHA

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

So, with all the horrid stuff coming your way, Ange, I'm going to sit and counter it all.

Now, to those of you who seem to be convinced that she owes you interaction, know this: Nobody helped her get any interaction when she started. She did it all on her own. Ange is a phenomenal writer, and a lot of us in the fandom know it.

Now despite this, she chooses to be supportive of new writers that she happens across.

Exhibit A: ME.

I started writing here in the fag end of March, so that's like 3-4 months that I've been here. Now I need you guys to know this - I'm 21 and I've just started my career as a writer [I plan, curate and write content in the digital marketing space in ENGLISH] and there have been many times over the last few months where I've been ridiculously insecure about my capabilities, and I've doubted whether or not I'm good at my job many times.

This has to do with the fact that I come from a non-English speaking country. I speak three different languages a lot more than I speak english - meaning, I'm bound to make mistakes. But there's not a lot of room for that when you're a professional.

Now, my english is not shitty by any means. Some may say it is really good. But here's the thing - there is a lot of colloquialism in the way I speak. There is the Indian way of speaking, and there's the native, international way of speaking. The Indian way of speaking is not far off - but I am a professional who writes content for an international digital space. I'll have to better myself. That's why I came here. I wanted a fun way to practice writing!

Now, enter Ange - for those of you who may not know, she's a native english speaker who writes for a living too, with considerable experience if I'm not wrong. She's my beta. She proofreads the ever-loving shit out of my work, and whatever you guys read - believe me. It was not that great when I sent it to her.

With every correction you make, you makes my writing better. I learn from you each time, and I freak about my stories with you. I literally do by side-by-sides for fun, just to see what you've changed and mentally kick myself coz "HOW THE HECK DID I NOT SEE THIS SOONER?"

I was hired at my job because my employer saw potential, but it was under the promise that I get better with each day. And you have no idea how much of an impact the kinks you iron out in my work have had on me and my writing. I trembled about posting here when I did for the first time, and now I'm confident enough not to beat myself and actually feel proud. Not just here, but at work too. A lot of it has to do with you, and I'm so glad that I write here because this was supposed to be a silly little hobby - but now it's more.

So NO. You guys are wrong. Not only is she insanely supportive of new writers on the block, she also goes above and beyond for anyone who wants help with their fics. She always takes care to give my work her very best, because I believe it's just who she is.

But you know what I had to do for it? I had to approach her. Nicely. Because what you give is what you get. I was nice enough to her, and she's given it back to me. There are many writers apart from me who'd gladly talk about how she's supported them too. Nice people, who were good to her.

So no, you don't get to feel entitled to her time and expect good treatment from her. Not when you never tried.

Now, to those of you who seem to be intent on being mean to her for no reason, saying stuff like she may not be cool IRL-

I have been ridiculously anxious and painfully self-conscious my whole life (thanks mum and dad.) It has seriously affected my outwardness, which is why I keep to myself here unless I have something nice to say about someone's writing.

I only regularly talk to a handful of people here because I like sticking to those I'm comfortable with, and Ange is easily one of those few. She's insanely understanding my timidness and makes it very easy for me to talk to her. She's part of the reason why tumblr is a safe space for me, and she is one of the few that I seek out to talk to here. She supported me when I had fandom drama, and I am more than thankful that I have her in my corner here.

Now I like to think that if she's that nice here, she could only be a 1000 times better IRL.❤️

So yeah, that's my piece. I'm glad you turned anon off ange. You deserve a happy space here, and I hope all the way to the moon and back that you get it. For all that you've been put through here, you deserve nothing else. Ilysm bb, have the day you deserve. You are so loved here.❤️🫂

Sam, this made me tear up. Thank you so much for your sweet words. You are truly one of the kindest souls I have ever had the pleasure of meeting on this hellsite, and I will gladly be your beta for as long as you're happy to put up with the glacial pace I edit at. I love you <3