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[greatloss]

@umare. . . 𝙻𝙸𝙻𝙰 𝙿𝙸𝚃𝚃𝚂.

❛ it’s okay to be afraid. fear can be good. use it. ❜

a hollowed - out hysteria has taken hold of this body, age - softened, almost paternal how it cradles him ; familiar. familial. it smells of scorched earth and tastes like rust, red and flaking, an old scab picked loose to reveal the scarred skin waiting patiently underneath. an old man's flesh and bones, emaciated, the walking dead ; five hargreeves, bad person and a worse brother, here lies— lives, always lives. fucking hysterical. “ fear can be good ? ” bubbles out of him almost as a laugh, strangled 'round the neck, the head, the hands, blue - less and gnarled and grasping at nothing, always nothing. he feels rabid, suddenly, possessed, like he could tear out her throat with his own teeth if she were anyone else.

the image itches, curdles low in the stomach, and he takes a step back as if the motion will tear the air between them in two before it can manifest. “ fear clouds the mind, lila. fear never did anything for anybody short of making shitty situations even shittier. ” i'm fucking trying, he doesn't say, watching instead those hands clench and un - clench in a quick rhythm, palms up and far too soft to rip space apart and crawl through it, too young and six years domesticated. he thinks of the old and grizzled form laid out alone on a table, choking on his own spittle just warn his past self against saving the future. five should have fucking killed him himself.

you're never getting out of here.

he lets his hands drop like dead weights, a sigh softening the rest of him, now, turned down and away from the scorch of her gaze. “ if we're gonna get out of here. . . ” he begins, as if to interrupt her, himself, anything. he has no idea. he has no fucking idea. “ i'm— i'm trying. alright ? ”