#a flight to LA can't be that long right
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my skydiving will
a joke post bc i like being dramatic over nothing
anamp: all of my mob psycho / anime things, my spotify account asantoss: polaroid camera (instax mini 11), blasha (blahaj) gduque: my lil nas x concert program, first pick of my earrings lucykim: gray digital camera (kodak easyshare z760), my timberland sandals micosu: the job of giving the Letters to everyone, my tamagotchi, my pabllo vittar tickets moladipo: my rainbow-y kaleidoscope sunglasses, first pick of my books renge: pink digital camera (nikon coolpix s01), both of my doc martens
#mentioning#moladipo#in the 0.1% chance she actually makes a blog#skydiving#dash rambles#actual ihouse#tumblasha#i knocked on all the wood btw!!!#micosu#a flight to LA can't be that long right#anything for pabllo vittar#anamp#asantoss#gduque#lucykim#renge
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hi honey!! i have a request of sad spencer comforted by bombshell reader. maybe hes the one on the brink of tears and really shes just there for him please
thanks for your request!!! fem, 1k
Spencer Reid can't stop frowning.
“You know what I've been reading lately?” you ask him.
“Cosmopolitan?”
“That's just sexist.”
Spencer points at the copy of Cosmopolitan hidden between papers and an open book where it lies on the desk in front of you, a smile interrupting his frown momentarily. “Sorry,” he says.
“Oh, don't be sorry.” You squint at him ever so slightly as you cross one leg over the other and sink back into your borrowed seat. “That's on me. But, you know… this isn't my desk. That could be anybody's magazine.”
He laughs politely and turns back to his work.
“You don't wanna know what I'm actually reading?” you ask.
He stares at his keyboard. “Mm.”
He's not listening. That's alright. You don't really want to tell him about what you've been reading; it's just a book.
You slide your chair closer to his and peek at the computer. He's on a page for American Airlines, flights to Las Vegas, but he hasn't clicked anything. Spencer grew up in Las Vegas, and his mom still lives there alone in a sanitorium for the mentally ill. She can get really sick at a moment's notice. You know he’s been thinking about that more lately.
“Is everything okay, Spencer?” you ask quietly.
You incline your head to his. He looks up, at first surprised by your attention, and then abashed. “Yeah.”
“You don't seem yourself,” you say, putting your hand on his arm. You feel up to the crook of his elbow, waiting for him to shrug you off. He doesn't move. You stroke his skin with your thumb. “You can talk to me, you know? I hope you know that, anyways.”
“Yeah, I know, it's…” His voice wobbles. You lean in closer. “It's nothing.”
The first time you saw Spencer cry, he was in a hospital room being weaned off of a terrible thing, and it was sudden but expected all the same. He was suffering, recovering but in pain, and you would've cried if the roles were reversed. That was a long time ago. Seeing him upset doesn't get easier.
“Spencer,” you murmur, “What's wrong? You look like you could burst into tears. Do you need me to get you a glass of water?”
He shakes his head. You stay right there by his side waiting for the inevitable, the tears gathering in his eyes that he blinks away, and his painful swallowing. You have two hands —the one that isn't squeezing his arm jumps to his back to hold his stiff shoulder.
“Do you want me to get Morgan?” you ask, unsure.
It's a busy office, and you and Spencer sit on the outskirts closest to the offices upstairs and furthest from the hubbub. Nobody notices your closeness. You speak too quietly to be overheard.
“Spencer,” you implore.
He ducks his head, putting his hand to his brow.
“I'm okay,” he says, his voice stronger now, “it's just my mom doesn't sound right in her letters lately, and I'm tired, and I wasn't expecting you to ask me.”
“No?” you ask, giving his arm another tender rub. “Sorry if I'm upsetting you, Spencer. I was worried. You don't have to talk about it.” He winces. “But if you do want to, I'm right here.”
He needs a hug, you decide (unsurely). You stand and he immediately lifts his head with worry in his eyes, but you're not going anywhere, the opposite. You cover up his head and shoulders as your chin rests gently atop his soft hair, a gravel to your tone as you say, “It's okay.”
Spencer is silent. Slowly, tentatively, he wraps his arms around you in turn, and then he's squeezing you tight enough to feel it in your spine.
“It's okay, Spencer. We can talk about it, huh? We can work something out. It wouldn't be terrible for you to take a vacation every once in a while, maybe that's what you need.”
He breathes out against your sleeve. “Sorry,” he says.
“It's okay.” You kiss his head. He likely doesn't feel it. “I promise, it's fine.”
“I wasn’t expecting you to ask.”
“I know, you said that already.” You don’t tell him with any malice, just reaffirmation. “But I’ll always ask. I care about you, I need you to be okay, Dr. Reid. You’re my pillar of strength.” He laughs with self-deprecation, but you mean it. “You are. You’re always there for me. You’re always looking after me.”
“Since when do you need looking after?”
“That’s one of the best and worst things about you. You don’t realise what you are to people.”
Spencer screws his hands into your blouse and grows still in your arms. You consider scolding him about wrinkles to lighten the mood, but he’ll take you too seriously, and stop hugging you, and that’s not what you want. You try to be subtle about the comfort you’re giving him as you wrap your arms behind his head to close him in, hiding him from any prying eyes, but the longer you stay holding him the more attention you recieve, until even your stoic unit chief can't pretend this is appropriate for the workplace.
“L/N,” Hotch says in concern. “Reid. Is everything okay?”
Spencer seizes up and tries to push you away.
You lift your chin above his head and give Hotch your stickiest smile, arms moving to a more amicable position behind his shoulders. “No, everything is not okay, Hotch. You realise I only joined the unit to be with Spencer, right? And you punish me by sitting me halfway across the office!”
Everyone watching either laughs or rolls their eyes, used to your dramatic favouritism. Even Hotch seems tired of it.
“I’d be sorry if I thought that were true. Can you go back to suffocating Reid on your own time? We have some consults to look over.”
You widen the gap between you and Spencer, allowing him the space to collect himself. “If you insist,” you say, grinning brightly.
You stand in front of Spencer, heart aching as he sniffs quietly. He stands, and for a moment you think he won’t be alright after all, that your comfort was useless and he’ll need to excuse himself, but he draws a ghost of a line into your side with his knuckle and squares his expression. “Let’s get back to work,” he says to you with a small smile. You’ll talk more later.
“Wanna hold hands?” you ask.
“Maybe when everyone’s stopped looking at me?” he says under his breath, starting toward the steps to the conference room.
“Wait, really?”
He hurries up the stairs. You follow.
#spencer and bombshell!reader#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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Heavy Metal Lover
PART 2
Colby Brock x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Smoking, Brief Choking, Mentioned Past Suicides (at the location they're exploring), Suggestive Content, Arguments, Swearing
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, Romance, Very Slight Smut, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Sam's best friend and Kat's best friend have been tangling antlers since the moment they met. So much for the couple's hopes of setting the two up.
NOTE: Sam and Kat are still together in this fic. This detail is not meant to be disrespectful to Sam's current girlfriend in any way.
"Why do we keep trying?"
Sam's question comes out as an exasperated sigh as he slouches further into the leather couch him and Kat have settled onto. Their rooms aren't ready yet, seeing as how their flight arrived way earlier than their calculations had suggested.
The hotel lobby is busy. The noise on any other day would be too much for the two to ignore and tune out but right now it's much more alike white noise. Jet-lag has really done them in this time. They'd been running away from it for long enough - hopping from plane to plane filming Hell Week is the same every year. But alas, by the fourth location they'd always shut down as has been the case since they stepped foot out of the plane and into the Las Vegas airport.
The only reason they're staying awake is so they don't get robbed blind. Well, that and to make sure the other two people on this trip don't murder one another.
"Because I still believe there's something there."
Y/N and Colby had successfully made it through the whole boarding process and flight without a single fight. Hell, Sam can't even recall them exchanging a single word until they arrived at the hotel. Maybe that's why it took them less than thirty seconds to break out in their usual bitter back-and-forth in the middle of the lobby. The only reason voices remained leveled was because they are indeed in public and they have appearances to upkeep.
The couple managed to subdue the perpetual assholes, convincing them to 'take five' which they thankfully went to take in opposite directions - Y/N headed for the parking lot to grab something she allegedly forgot in their rental car while Colby immediately clocked the patio across the lobby and quickly disappeared out of sight.
Kat watched them both, as if on cue, pluck their packs of cigarettes from their pockets on the way out.
That's what she means when she's trying to convince Sam of that something she sees. She can't explain it without the reasoning sounding like wishful thinking but she knows there is something. Something in the explosiveness in their interactions, the 'hatred' in their glares whenever they are tangling antlers over the smallest inconvenience, the way they look at each other when the other isn't looking.
Y/N and Colby are to Kat what the paranormal is to Sam. She wants to prove it to everyone, but mostly herself. Prove she didn't spend years poking holes in their apprehension for one another and pushing them together when the holy force clearly didn't want her to.
Or maybe that's what has been driving her.
Either way, she's truly grateful Sam is going along with her antics. Whether he believes what she's preaching or sees what she's seeing is up for debate, but at he's still supportive.
He'd never tell her this, but he isn't exactly trusting of the process. He more than anyone would want to see his best friend in a happy and healthy relationship. Does he believe that him and Y/N could have that? No. Not at all. Does he have faith Kat will succeed in her endeavors? Nope. Not even a tad. Even though she's stubborn and dedicated to this cause, he's never met a person more hard-headed than his best friend. Or at least he hadn't until he met Y/N.
You know the whole 'opposites attract' notion? The reason Sam and Kat's experiment subjects won't give the results they're hoping for is because they're too alike. In sync even - as the cigarettes instance that happened less than ten minutes ago would confirm. They're on the same wavelength headed in opposite directions. They're permanently heading for a collision - a fight equal to a ticking time bomb. Sam and Kat have to put out the fire the explosion of said bomb causes but that is a small price to pay to keep the two in each other's proximity.
"I don't know, babe...." Sam's shoulders slump downward, his arm automatically wrapping around Kat when she leans into his side. Hesitant as he may be, he's willing to go along with it. How is it any different from all the times Kat agreed to visit abandoned and haunted places with him. Hell, that's why she's here. She had no problem hopping on a plane to Vegas on such short notice just because she knew how much it'd mean to him. So...what's a little matchmaking in return? "But I believe your romance instincts." Looking down at her, he can't help but smile when he sees her absolutely beaming at him.
"I will not let you down."
She may try her best, but their subjects are two particularly unruly chess pieces.
Y/N, for example, is still out in the parking lot, getting antsier by the second. Anger refuses to let her stand still. Her jaw is still set, hot blood pumping through her veins. So many words she didn't get to spit out due to the public constraint are still stuck in her throat. Colby's words are replaying in her head, their edge causing her to dig her nails into her palms.
She needs to get some air, she just doesn't know where to find it. Maybe at the top of a mountain where she could scream her lungs out in peace. That's not really an option now, though, she she just settles for walking around the hotel, giving herself a couple more minutes before she rejoins Sam and Kat inside.
Eventually, she's made her way around to the side of the hotel that spreads out as an open patio, basking in the all-too-warm sun rays of this fine September day. Last year, the high temperatures were not such a problem while putting up with the fast paced dynamic of Hell Week because they actually filmed it in late October. This year, however, they chose to get it out of the wat sooner because their schedule would be packed all October. Kat's been working on a new album, Y/N has a deal with Crypt TV to make a horror movie and Sam and Colby will be doing Sam and Colby stuff. I don't think there is any other way to sum up what those two are doing.
Not that Y/N really cares what they do. The only reason she's versed into their schedules is because she lives with them. Yes, that is correct - much to her dismay, she found herself forced to live with the guys and Kat after an unexpected and unwarranted eviction from her apartment.
She exhausted all possible options long before caving and accepting Kat's offer to move in with the three. She was welcomed into the house with three different reactions: her best friend squealing with excitement; Sam offering her a warm welcome and helping hand in moving her stuff to her room; and last, and certainly least, was Colby who gave her nothing more than a 'hello' in passing.
None of them can really recall when this endless butting of heads started or how or why. Sam and Kat would equate their attempts at getting the two to get along to pushing same charges toward one another - the harder you push, the harder they push apart.
It's truly baffling where Kat found even an ounce of romance between the two.
Y/N wipes a few droplets of sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand as she climbs the few stairs to reach the bar out on the patio, hoping to gulp down a glass of water after the cigarette she tossed a few minutes ago coupled with the intense heat.
"Hello there." The bartender greets her with a smile, his gaze trailing over her with zero subtlety. "What can I get ya?"
She chooses to ignore it, "Hi. Just a glass of water, please."
The man chuckles, reaching for a tall glass "You know, it's Happy Hour somewhere."
Despite his attempts at flirting - which Y/N is aware is part of his job - she finds herself letting out a small laugh, "Yeah well, not here. And not for me." She gratefully accepts the glass of ice cold water with a nod.
Before the guy can reply, a third voice butts into the conversation, "Yeah, definitely not for her. She's a raging alcoholic."
Stunned, Y/N turns to see a pair of electric blue eyes piercing her with a blank look that contradicts his extremely fake smile he's pinned on his face out of nothing more than politeness.
For a moment, due to their glaring match, they completely forget about the man they've roped into their mess. Thankfully, he speaks up, reminding them of his presence before he could witness any potential brawl, "Oh, um, I'm sorry to hear that."
Momentarily, Y/N drops the torch, tearing her gaze from Colby to acknowledge the bartender directly, "Yeah, no big deal."
Her teeth grit together in absolute rage when she hears the asshole beside her snort something alike a laugh, "Tragic, really. Can I get a vodka cran?"
Y/N busies her hand with holding the glass so she doesn't give into the idea of punching him, "Someone clearly follows that Happy Hour rule."
"I'll have you know..." Colby turns his whole body to face her now, as if challenging her, "...it's not for me." The tilt of his head directs her gaze to an attractive brunette sitting alone at a table, scrolling through her phone.
"Lovely." She spits the word like poison on her tongue, "I'll go tell her to blink twice if she needs help."
"You need help." The lack of bite to his statement stuns her more than if he were to yell it at her. It's an effective throw-off considering she doesn't immediately jump back or smack his hand away when he reaches for the pocket of her shorts, swiping her lighter, "Mine's out of juice." He explains, sticking it in his back pocket before turning to the bartender once more, handing him a ten dollar bill, "And lemon iced tea for my friend here, she's looking a little parched."
With that and a brisk nod in Y/N's direction, Colby excuses himself from the interaction and heads back to the model of a woman who's quick to flash him a bright smile when she notices him approaching.
A sickening feeling settles in her gut. She can't believe any woman gets wound around his finger so easily. She might be biased but she just simply doesn't see it. She can't understand what gets girls within a five mile radius of him swooning.
That smile so many deem charming she finds cynical and fake. His eyes, although a pretty color, are hollow apart from the twinge of evil she sees every time they glare at her. His flirty, charismatic words could make her puke if exposed to them for an extended period of time. In short, she finds him repulsive.
Had they gotten off on a better foot maybe she would've even ended up in his bed on a few occasions by now. As they stand now, she'd rather sleep with Satan himself.
Still, she takes the iced tea, mostly out of curtesy but also because she is indeed dehydrated. She spares the table Colby has now taken a seat at a brisk glance just to find her eyes met with a pair of piercing blue ones once more.
She could strangle him, theoretically, but she won't. Not with this many witnesses around. Instead, she heads inside, looking for Sam and Kat in hopes of getting the last fifteen minutes out of her head.
* * * *
"What's up guys, it's Sam and Colby! And today we'll be investigating the Oasis Motel in Las Vegas. Known for its dark and unexplainable past and the reputation that precedes it today." Sam explains as they begin filming the intro to their video.
The group is currently standing outside the aforementioned motel. The exterior they were met with upon arrival was enough for Kat and Y/N to exchange a particular look. It's in an area off the strip, the surroundings accentuating the atmosphere and amplifying the creep factor.
"Unfortunately, we won't be able to stay at the hotel. They haven't been renting rooms for close to a decade to avoid any potential casualties. And by that I mean - suicides." Colby says, reciting the notes he both wrote and memorized on the car ride here.
"Yeah, this motel is known for two specific suicides that happened here. Specifically in room 20." Sam adds, listing the sightings that have been allegedly witnessed by staff and guests alike before the motel was shut down for business.
The place now just stands ominously as a haunted attraction of sorts. It's meant to honor the memory of the two people who took their own life there but it's clear they have purposefully added to the fear factor to attract more people like Sam and Colby.
That still doesn't take away from the fact that just looking at the building settles an uneasy feeling in Y/N's gut.
She's always been curious about the paranormal but never went out of her way to seek answers. The only reason she's been joining the gang for paranormal investigations is because Kat often begs her to. And she's always had a hard time turning down her best friend, about anything.
So, here she is, sighing as she follows Sam and Kat inside the barely lit lobby of the motel where the staff member who's gonna be giving them a tour is waiting for them.
Before she can fully cross over the doorstep, she feels a finger trail over her arm, running over the very prominent goosebumps that have appeared on her skin.
"Aww, is someone scared?" The mockery in Colby's voice drains any sort of fear or uncertainty she was feeling before.
She whirls around to face him, nostrils flaring when she sees his coy smirk, "Get your fucking hands off me before I knock you the fuck out." She snarls between clenched teeth.
His smile only widens, becoming a tad more genuine now, "That's more like it. Don't be a pussy."
She's about to retaliate with a string of insults that's make a sailor blush when Sam, thankfully, interrupts her, "Guys! Come on!"
The fucker was saved by divine intervention this once, but Sam won't always be there to shield him from Y/N's wrath - he's very aware of that. Time and time again they've screamed their lungs out at one another just to storm off to fill them with nicotine for a potential round two.
In a way, that is a love language too, right? Well, if you ask Kat, that is. Though she isn't completely wrong. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And these two are most definitely not indifferent to one another.
Speaking of Kat, she doesn't fail to sneak a peek at the hostile interaction between the two. She nudged Sam's ribs to point it out and smacked his arm when he put a stop to it. Although that was the best course of action to prevent Colby losing any teeth tonight, curtesy of Y/N's fist.
Ok, that's a bit of an exaggeration.
She may have spit a million threats his way over the many year they've known each other, but never once did she go through with them.
"Hi, guys. I'm Scott, and it's an honor to be welcoming y'all to the Oasis." The man, who they now know as Scott, introduces himself as he turns on an old tall lamp by what used to be the front desk of the motel. "I hope you're ready to capture some great footage tonight. We're giving you a time frame till 2 AM which is an exception we rarely make, but this one over here is a smooth talker." He says, smiling slyly over at Colby who was the one that placed the call to the motel before they added the place to their itenirary.
Colby, in turn, shrugs, a grin plastering itself on his face, "I mean..." He chuckles, causing Y/N to roll her eyes, "No, jokes aside, I can't thank you enough for bending the rules for us."
It baffles her how charming he can be. She can't help but wonder at times why she wasn't deemed worthy of this pleasant side of him. Not that she hasn't grown somewhat fond of their dysfunctional dynamic - not that she'd ever admit it - but she still wishes she knew.
And she hates it.
Instead of dwelling on it, she busies herself with the fear that's still lingering on the backburner. She'd much rather be scared of whatever's waiting for them in this motel than what she might find if she keeps digging in her mind.
* * * *
"What is your fucking problem?!"
The tension has been building all night, both between Y/N and Colby and from the paranormal aspect of it all.
Glares thrown in from across the room. Light, supposedly accidental touches, some even meant to startle her. Lingering behind her or always looming close to her, reminiscent of her literal shadow.
He's rarely so bold with his proximity to her. He respects her personal space and tends to keep himself at an arm's length regardless of the place they're in. But for some reason, not quite clear to him yet, he's been keeping himself close to her the whole night. Either it's from a certain need to protect her or an inherent need to annoy her into continuously acknowledging his presence, he can't tell.
But by now it's reached a boiling point.
What pushed the situation past Y/N's tolerance threshold was getting scared out of her skin by Colby who, by design of the challenge, wasn't supposed to be anywhere near her. They were less than five minutes into their solo investigations - Sam, ever the challenger, took room 20; Kat is in the restaurant, Y/N is in room 33 and Colby was supposed to take on the attic.
However, he didn't quite last long.
At the first sound of mild panic coming from room 33, which is directly underneath the attic, Colby immediately took off down the stairs, nearly taking the door off its hinges and scaring the ever-loving daylight out of Y/N.
That is what provoked this reaction from her. And now that we're up to speed...
"I thought you were in danger." He explains, quietly shutting the door behind him as he approaches the bed where she's sat.
"Jesus, Colby, you gave me a heart attack!" She groans, squeezing the bridge of her nose in frustration, suddenly antsy in her seat, "I'm not new to this shit! I've been doing this for years with you guys! I get that you may not see me but that doesn't mean I'm not there!" Her heart is still racing, her breathing shallow. Her chest is heaving despite the hand she's placed overtop it in an inefficient attempt at calming herself down.
A few steps closer on his part make her even more uneasy. She gets up to her feet to level the ground between them somewhat. There is something so vulnerable in sitting down with him standing over her. Dare I say, intimate.
"I see you." He says almost bitterly, "Oh, I fucking see you, Y/N. You're always there, always in my viewpoint. Always just a step out of arm's reach. And I hate it. Or try to. You piss me off so bad I can't even put it into words without sounding fucking insane!"
He's close, too fucking close. The chain hanging from his jeans brushes against the exposed skin of her thigh, sending chills all over her body. It makes her wish her shorts were longer. Makes her wish she could push him away, keep her guard up, keep up her mean front.
But when fingers tangle in her hair, his hand cupping the back of her head, she knows it's too late for any of that.
Their lips are barely an inch apart, the two practically sharing the same breath. Still, her pettiness dies screaming with one last whispered, "Fuck you."
With that, all barriers, both physical and metaphorical, come crashing down as their lips collide with the force of seven years worth of tension. Seven years of denial masked as aggression and annoyance. Every word spat out in anger, every glare, every passing touch, every 'flirty' moment. It's all condensed into a hostile collision of lips, biting teeth and battling tongues.
Y/N's hands intertwine at the back of his neck while his travel down to her waist, pulling her impossibly closer. Their connection is airtight, the heat between their bodies increasing the need to pull back to breathe, though that's the last thing they wanna do. It's been far too long for it to end this soon.
Her legs threaten to give out. It's all too much too fast and too unbelievable. Thankfully, Colby seems to feel the same.
He softly pushes her down on the bed, smiling in the kiss at the zero complaints he receives in response.
"You're so sweet when you wanna be." He pulls back for just a second, his hand cupping her chin.
She's quick to smack it away. He expected nothing else. "Shut the fuck up."
He chuckles almost darkly as his hand now settles around her throat, "Adorable." He's aware he's pushing his luck, but then again it's always a gamble with her. This time, he might just luck out.
Their lips have no time to reconnect though, much to their dismay.
"Colby! Y/N! Where are you guys?!"
Sam's voice reaches them from the lobby downstairs, forcing them apart instantly. A deer in headlights look flashes across both their faces as they hurry to create as much distance between them as possible.
Colby swears he sees any hope he had sink right before his eyes. He watches the realization of what just happened dawn on Y/N. Now that the heat of the moment has evaporated, it becomes all too real and all too clear to her what a mistake that was.
"Guys?!" This time it's Kat's voice bouncing off the walls, coupled with the sound of footsteps on the stairs.
He's panicking, not really sure as to exactly why. Whether it's because he'll have to explain this predicament to his friends or because he can see Y/N starting to regret said predicament in real time, he's not sure. Either way, he needs to come up with something, fast. If his brain can kick back into gear after his whole world was briefly thrown off its axis.
"Go." It comes out as a whisper but it bounces around in his head like an earthquake.
"What?" His tone mimics hers, afraid that a single note higher would ruin what little tranquility they've managed to maintain while there's full-on storms raging in their minds.
Her eyes are trained on the floor, hollow with a thousand yard stare. She can't look at him, unsure as to why. She just knows she can't. "Go. Get out. This never happened." When she finally wills herself to meet his eyes she can feel the burning of tears at the back of her throat, "Forget this ever happened."
Footsteps grow closer but they still have leeway to get away with it with just a white lie.
"Go. Now!" She repeats, a bit more fervor in her words now. She gives him no room to reply as she ushers him away but he isn't capable of stringing words together right now anyway.
So, he obliges, going against all his instincts telling him the opposite. And he does so on time as well, shutting the door behind him just as a tear rolls down Y/N's cheek.
What a fucking mistake, they once again sync up, sharing the same exact thought. Though they silently agreed to forget everything that just happened, they're both well aware it won't leave their brain for the foreseeable future.
If ever.
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Fiesta de fin de año en Miami
Henry was actually just annoyed. He had been looking forward to a few quiet days in South Beach. To escape the damp cold of Chicago. Walks on the beach, excellent dinners under the stars, plenty of time to read the books he'd received for Christmas. But even checking in for the flight to Miami was hell. Everything was full of loud and undisciplined Latinos. Not just the have-nots in the queue for economy class. Also at check-in for Business Class. And he was envious to see that even in First Class, people who looked like members of a Latino boy band were checking in. This is going to be fun, Herny thought agonizedly. Especially when he was greeted in Spanish when he handed over his suitcase in his own country. Damn Latinos!
In the lounge, Henry grumbles loudly to himself while waiting for boarding. That all the tanned, half-naked guys here probably earned the money for the plane tickets as drug mules or gigolos. One of the few respectable-looking passengers sits down next to him, puts a Cuba Libre on his cocktail table. And says to him "¡Disfrute de la bebida y relájese! ¿Cuánta experiencia tienes como mula de la droga y gigoló?" Henry looks at him questioningly, the gentleman smiles and toasts Henry.
When the flight is called, Henry is a little drunk. Hehehe, these lounges are really cool. He wonders how he actually got in there. And he is envious of the passengers who fly business class and regularly enjoy this luxury. The queue for Economy Class feels like it's dos kilómetros long. Thank goodness Enry only has his small rucksack with him as hand luggage. He'll manage to squeeze it into the overhead compartment somehow. The ground crew guy is muy caliente. Enry smiles at him. He smiles back. Too bad, he would have been grateful if the cutie had done the in-flight service right away. But Enri is lucky: in his middle seat, he is squeezed between two hermanos with whom he can certainly have fun. The man in the window seat has smuggled a bottle of rum on board. His neighbor in the aisle seat can't fit anything into his compression pants except for his huge-looking boner. The three of them start talking about soccer. The guy in the window is visiting his family for New Year's Eve. The guy in the aisle seat, like Enriq, is simply on his way to Miami to celebrate. Damn, he can hardly concentrate, his bump looks so painful. Enriq climbs over him, rubbing his boner noticeably against his neighbor's and says that he urgently needs to go to the bathroom.
Enrique just manages to post a photo on Instagram. The caption is ¿Has follado alguna vez en el baño de un avión? Estoy listo". Then the door opens. ¡Divertíos, chicos!
Inspiración a través de @curioustoseewhatsup, foto encontrada @marechais
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Transition -Sturniolo Triplets
Summary:Where the triplets come back home and have some news waiting for them.
Warnings: FLUFF!!! Usual swearing , mentions of surgery , crying ,questioning ur gender and I think that's it.
Pairing: older bro!triplets x ftm!reader
A/N: reader is 17 in this and I'm sorry if its bad I thought of this on the spot
Nick Matt Chris MaryLou You
Divider- @ issysh3ll
You was currently sat up on the kitchen counter with my mom infront of u calming u down whilst small tears run down ur cheeks "What if they don't accept me!" "Buddy look at me please" you wipe ur nose with a tissue your mom had given u a few minutes prior then drifting ur eyes to look at her. "Are you listening to yourself right now , one of your brothers is gay and they accepted him ur not any different sweetie!" "I am though , nick hasn't changed he just likes boys but ive changed completely I haven't seen them in 9 months and the last time they saw me I was their little sister with long curly hair and braces." you say slightly raising ur voice and tears were now flowing heavily.
It was true the last time u had seen ur triplet brothers u had curly brown hair what hung just past ur chest , braces with pink bands , nails did but very short what u was forced to have done by ur best friend. None of ur friends and family knew at the time but just before ur brothers had came 9 and a half months ago u was questioning ur gender , long nights spent scrolling through tiktok and Pinterest looking at hairstyles for boys , male clothing just anything "boyish" in general and that's when it dawned on you. Im trans! You took inspiration from matts anxiety journal to make your own journal but instead of it being for anxiety you named it "Transition Journal". Any spare time you had you would write down ur thoughts , ways to tell ur family, name ideas and in the end it was full to the brim. It was a mix of a scrapbook and a diary it had photos cut out of outfits and where to buy the clothes and accessories from written next to it aswell as haircuts cut out so when u came out and got ur hair done you could show the barber what u wanted.
"No one else in the family views u any different so I highly doubt they will but if they dont they are getting the next flight back to la and never coming back in this house!" This makes you let out a little laugh and smile "That's not very nice you can't just kick them out like that" " I suppose that is a bit mean but whatever it takes to have u happy!" "Thanks , I'm so tired after all this crying so I'm going to get out of this and take a nap but can u text me when they are here and where they are in the house?" "Of course I can I'll also tell them not to go in your room have a good nap!"
3 hours and 15 minutes later
Your pov:
I wake up from my nap and automatically hear shouting and laughter downstairs so without even checking my phone I know my brothers are home , I sit up against my headboard and grab my phone and reply to a few of my friends who messaged me before checking my moms message.
Mom
-Hey buddy , we are all sat in the living room but we are watching a film so they are distracted so if you want a drink you will be able to get to the kitchen if you move quick enough.
You
-Alright I'll come down now please keep them distracted
read
I put my socks back on and fix my hair a bit before grabbing my phone and putting it in my pocket then quietly making my way to the stairs. I get halfway down and look to my side to see them all engrossed on the tv so I make a run for it running down the stairs and into the kitchen. I open the fridge and take out one of my Arizonas and slowly walking into the living room. When I reach the couch i sit down beside Chris casually taking a sip of my drink placing it on the small wooden table next to his pepsi. "There you are how was ur nap flo?" he asks still not taking his eyes of the tv but hearing him call u your dead name just felt weird the last time u was called it was a few months ago by a substitute in school but that wouldn't happen anymore as u had just graduated. I didn't answer him as technically he was speaking to no one and this makes him look at me , his head hadn't even turned half way before he quickly stands up Infront of me "What the fuck are u standing up for!" All i do was stare back at him as my body just froze there was two ways this could go he could either hug me and support me or could shout at me and leave and i wasn't sure what was happening. Matt and nick look over at me and do the exact same thing as chris and stand either side of him and because none of them where speaking i decide to.
End of ur pov
"I um.. I transitioned" your voice came out quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. Your parents thought it was best for u to have this moment alone so they got up and walked into the kitchen shutting the door behind them. "We can see that, when did this happen" he asks in a soft tone but still in shock. It was pretty obvious to those around u that you wasn't a girl anymore u had short hair, a light stubble , you looked more masculine and u was currently wearing black and blue plaid pj bottoms with a vintage tee u had thrifted a few days ago. "Before u came the last time I was questioning it and I made a entire notebook full of things I still have it if u wanna see but anyway I told mom and dad like a month or 2 after u left and it just went from there I guess." "And why did u not tell us sooner?" "Well I wanted to tell u guys in person so that's why I waited till u came back and that's what I'm doing now". The 3 just nod and sit on the floor infront of u "Do you have a name like a name u want to be called from now on?" Matt asks putting on of his hands on ur knee comfortingly "Yeah I do actually , it's Finn but mom and dad call me buddy aswell!" "Good choice bud I like that name". "Do you think you'd ever get surgery?" "Well we looked into it and I'm at the right age as u have to be 16 and I'm 17 but we want to wait a bit before I do as we just wanna go day by day and not jump into it all at once y'know!". Matt looks over at nick and nick just nods knowing what he was going to say "Finn I don't wanna sound rude but who do u like?" "What do u mean who do I like?" "What's ur sexuality like I'm straight so is Chris and Justin but nicks gay so what are u?". I take a deep breath knowing this question was coming and try to hold back the tears but that doesn't happen. Nick is fast to move and sits beside u pulling u into a hug. "You don't have to tell us right now if u don't want to we can wait." "Mhm we will wait as long as u want us to wait" "No ill tell u" you sit back up but take nicks hand and he rubs his thumb against the back of ur hand. "As you now know I'm trans so ur probably thinking I like girls but I don't I still like boys". "Thank you for sharing this with us we are proud of you" "Just so you know we love you even more" "I love you guys aswell" "Guys do you know what this calls for?" "If I'm thinking what ur thinking I'm totally down" "Celebratory McDonald's?" "DUHHH". Nick and Chris run off to the car whilst matt stays back with you. "How about u get that notebook of urs and we can look at it whilst having our McDonald's." You nod and run up stairs to get the notebook whilst matt goes to the car.
35 minutes later
You was all sat in the McDonald's parking lot finishing up ur food and going through ur notebook. "Whys there a photo of my head? Chris questions pointing at the photo "It's because this is one of haircut pages and I liked ur hair back then so I was going to get it but I didn't in the end." "I think you would suit it you should definitely try it one time". "Hold on this is a very important question." "What is it?" "Do u watch RuPaul?" "I love that shit I watch it all the time" "MATT DRIVE US HOME RIGHT NOW ME AND FINN A STAYING UP ALL NIGHT AND BINGE WATCHING RUPAUL START THAT ENGINE!" the car erupts into laughter as matt starts the car to drive you guys home.
@6ix9inewiturmom @nicksbf @thenickgirl @soontosturniolo @delilahsturniolo @dirtylittleheart333 @pvssychicken @nicksbestie @talulahinthestars @nicksgirlfriend @schlutt4matty @obsessionsarenotfortheweak @zariyam @little-bisexual-intern @toysizee @sturniolowh-0-re @sturnobsessedwh0re @vanteguccir @mattthemunchsbiggestfan @delimeats-000 @sturnfannn @slutforsturnioloss @evie-sturns
#ftm sfw#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#the sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#sturn#nick sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo fanfic#transgender#trans male#sturniolo x you#matthew sturniolo#little siblings#matt x you#chris x you#nicolas x reader
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𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄’𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐋𝐒 𝐖𝐇𝐎 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌ʷʲ⁵³
in which wyatt proposes to you.
warnings; none that i can think of? unless you count la la land as a warning because that movie is traumatic let’s be real
21 year old Wyatt Johnston looked at his teammate, Logan Stankoven, a Nikon camera displayed obviously in his hands. The Toronto, Canada native smiled nervously. "Calm down, Wyatt. You've got this, it's alright."
He nodded at Logan as he turned the camera on to record.
"Hey Wyatt!"
"Hey mom! Uhh... I actually... I wanted to give you a call and let you know some big news. You've probably seen this coming now for a little bit, but I want to let you know that I'm planning on asking Y/N to marry me."
"Oh, Wyatt! It's about time!"
dear y/n,
the moment i saw you i knew my life would change forever. the first thing i said to you was that you are going to be my wife. well, now i want to make that a reality. with you by my side on this journey through life i know we will continue to grow closer and our love will deepen. most of the time will be amazing. some of the time, maybe not. but i know that it's always going to be fun with my best friend helping me along the way. you're the most loving, courageous, and strongest person i've ever met. i can't wait for a lifetime full of smiles, laughter, competition, adventure, and ice cream with you.
sincerely yours,
wyatt :)
"Y/N, right now you think I'm at morning practice... and I lied to you." Wyatt chuckled into the camera, much to the entertainment of his 21 year old teammate behind it. Suddenly, he grabbed the camera from Logan, "However, Logan's leaving for Kamloops a week from now, and that's when I was gonna propose."
Logan chuckled, "Yeah, about that. I pushed my flight back a day so that I could be here to help you on the actual day." he turned to Wyatt with a wide smile on his face, and Wyatt pulled him into a tight hug.
THE MORNING OF THE PROPOSAL:
Logan Stankoven found himself behind the Nikon camera once again, recording Wyatt Johnston hanging up pictures of himself and his beautiful girlfriend, Y/N.
There was a picture of you and Wyatt eating ice cream in Italy with a ton of birds surrounding you, a picture of Wyatt in the stands cheering you on at your recent graduation, a picture of you doing the same at one of his NHL games, and another picture of you back in his hometown of Toronto, Canada. Then there was his favorite picture of the two of you - you two slow dancing by the fire on Christmas Eve.
Wyatt remembered that night vividly. The song 'Dream A Little Dream of Me' by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong was playing softly in the background, and your boyfriend had his arms snaked softly around your waist, your arms hanging loosely around his neck. You both had huge grins plastered onto your faces, and the night was all-around unforgettable.
All in all, there were close to 100 pictures strung all around yours and Wyatt's shared apartment. Logan gently sent the camera down on the kitchen table and made sure it was facing him and his 21 year old teammate before helping Wyatt hang up a long line of twinkling fairy lights above the multiple photos.
Making his way back behind the camera, Logan asked, "So, what's the plan?"
Wyatt smiled, "It's our five year anniversary today, so I'm heading to Y/N's apartment and picking her up for a date. Our first date was just your classic dinner and a movie, so I'm doing the exact same thing tonight. I'm taking her to eat at the same restaurant we ate at five years ago today and then we're seeing the same movie, La La Land, because it's back in theaters tonight only, so that works out so perfectly."
Logan smiled, "This is going to be so cute. She's going to love it."
THE NIGHT OF THE PROPOSAL:
Wyatt held hands with his amazing and beautiful girlfriend (and hopefully soon to be fiancée) as they made their way to the front door of his apartment. Little did you know, Wyatt's teammate and your best friend, Logan Stankoven, was behind that door, a black Nikon camera in his hands in order to capture the magical events that would unfold soon.
As the door opened, the first thing you noticed was Logan filming, and you looked at him and then your boyfriend with a confused look on your face. Logan smiled cheekily and Wyatt allowed you to head inside before closing the door behind you and quickly making his way to the backyard.
As you made your way to the kitchen, with Logan behind you, of course, you were shocked to see the completely dark room. The only thing illuminating it was multiple strings of fairy lights strung above 100+ photos of you and Wyatt. Below your feet was a path of rose petals, leading towards the glass door that opened towards the backyard.
You looked back towards Logan and the camera with tears in your eyes, and Logan just smiled brightly, a few tears now brimming in his eyes, too. You made your way to the backward and low and behold, there stood your boyfriend. As you reached him, Wyatt softly gripped your hands in his.
"Y/N," he started, smiling, "You have made me the happiest man in this entire world the past two years. I love you so much, and I hope I'm making you happy, too. I want you to be with me through wins, and through losses, through the good and the bad. I want to spend the rest of my life with you; nothing would make me happier. So, what do you say? Will you make me even happier than I am right now and marry me?"
You nodded at your boyfriend, tears in your eyes, "Yes. A million times yes."
Five years ago, you would have never dreamed of this moment, or even of Wyatt himself. But, to the credit of the movie that started it all for the two of you, here's to the fools who dream.
a/n; so i kinda took a different approach with this one and i'm not sure if i like it. i would love to hear what you guys think so please don't hesitate to let me know how you feel about it!
#nhl#nhl imagines#nhl hockey#nhl x reader#hockey#dallas stars#stars hockey#wyatt johnston#logan stankoven#wyatt johnston x reader#wyatt johnston x you#wyatt johnston x y/n#hockey imagines#hockey imagine#wyatt johnston 53#la la land#wyatt johnston fluff#hockey x reader
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trick or treat🧡🧡 (idk if you want specific ish requests or not, but just in case ex husbands maxiel maybe? 👀 nothing spookier than that lol)
Always SO happy to talk about ex husbands maxiel. Here's a (possible, I can't commit this to stone) headcanon for how they end up back together (because of course they end up back together):
--
After Max retires from racing, he starts spending more time at home with his sister and mother and less and less time in Monaco, and he and Daniel see less and less of each other. Daniel had been finding excuses to show up to races, helping out with commentary and stuff, but once Max isn't there, he starts splitting his time between Australia and LA, depending on business obligations. They go from seeing each other frequently to almost never and it's--Daniel feels hollow, like he's been carved out inside, and if something hits him wrong, he'll shatter into a million pieces.
He ends up deeply depressed in ways he can't acknowledge, going through the motions of his own life. Nothing feels right anymore. Food doesn't taste right. The air doesn't feel right on his skin. He still smiles and laughs and sees his friends, but sometimes it's like he's watching his life from a distance, not really experiencing anything anymore.
Then one day he runs into Max in LA, just like he used to before they were even dating, when his heart started beating fast at the sight of him but he wasn't able to acknowledge what that meant. It hurts this time, because even after the divorce, Max always used to tell him when he was going to be in town, but this time he didn't.
(What he doesn't know is that Max has been suffering too. He only retreated into his family for comfort. He's only stayed away from Daniel because the exes-with-benefits thing started to hurt too much. He always, always wanted to ask Daniel to give him another chance, but he was too afraid Daniel would say no.)
Daniel invites Max back to his place and realizes too late how shameful it is--unwashed dishes in the sink, empty cans and bottles scattered around, clothes on the floor of the bedroom (including one of Max's old Red Bull t-shirts, which he sleeps in sometimes, even though it lost Max's smell a long time ago). But Max doesn't comment on any of it, and they fuck on Daniel's rumpled, unwashed sheets, and afterward they hold each other for a long, long time, and Daniel has to keep biting down on his bottom lip to keep from saying something he shouldn't, or shouting, or sobbing.
Max is the brave one who finally says, "I miss you," and Daniel gives in to the impulse to ask Max to stay with him for a while. Max has a flight in a couple days, but he changes it and ends up staying with Daniel for a couple weeks instead, and even though they don't talk about what it all means, Daniel feels like he's coming alive again. His chest hurts constantly--like the pins and needles of the blood rushing back into a limb that was asleep--but that's better than the numbness he had before. They fall back into their old routines, going for runs along the same routes they used to take through the hills, visiting the restaurants they loved, curling up on the couch to watch dumb movies. Daniel ignores texts and calls from friends, because he doesn't want to shatter the illusion.
Then it comes time for Max to leave, and Daniel just--can't. He thinks he might die if he has to watch Max walk out the door again. He literally will lie down on the floor and never get up again. While Max packs his things, Daniel hovers, pacing the bedroom, opening his mouth and then closing it again against words he knows he doesn't have a right to say.
Finally, finally, he lets himself croak, "I don't want you to go." Max turns to him, and his eyes are red, and his hands are balled into fists, and he says, "I will stay, if you tell me to."
They cancel Max's flight. A month later, Max goes with Daniel back to Perth. The ache in Daniel's chest goes away. His smile feels real again.
#this ended up longer than i meant it to sorry!!#my writing#maxiel#f1#made myself cry a little bit lol
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A really long rant ahead
I really cannot believe the gall of this woman.. imagine you're in a relationship with someone for a long time, theyre with you through one of the worst moments of your life, through the darkest moments, that person helps you reinvent yourself, constantly wants to be better and you not only cheat on them but also send your cult against said person instead of showing atleast an ounce of gratitude??? What the fuck I can't imagine how Joe must be feeling, I'm in a long term relationship with someone who has been with me through the same shit too and I could never ever ever imagine hurting them in such a cruel way, and this is just the beginning.. imagine cheating on that person with a fucking scum like ratty healy.. mouthing ily on stage and whatnot.. and not to mention private jet emissions.. I saw a reel wherein someone said that taylor performed in Brazil though she was sweating a lot.. wtf??? Ana died and they care about their "mother" sweating?? Bitch I've sweat more during Summers than her and not to mention, taylor herself is responsible for this, thanks to her carbon emissions.. I travel almost all the fucking time by bus or train and recently my father wanted to buy an electric scooter, why?? Just for her to reckless use her private jet for fucking 10 minutes flight?? This is so dystopian and depressing.. also she claims to be a feminist, really?? Olivia Rodrigo, 21, started a fund for reproductive rights of women, what the hell did she do besides be buddy buddy with a sex offender?? We've a saying in my native language, " नावावर कलंक असणे " ie, stain something and that is exactly what taylor is to feminism, she has stained it.. feminism isn't about sending your cult of fans to harass your exes for the simple crime of moving on or not wanting to marry you, feminism isn't sending your fans after a WOC for an onscreen joke which she didn't have a say in, that in fact is the exact opposite of feminism... Also now the drama with Travis, the entire internet (except for swifties ofcourse) made fun of travis' viva la Vegas and agrees that they are a pr couple but for some reason taylor is still hell bent on saying that she's finally happy?? Please wait till the album drops and she'll be on about how all he did was make her feel blue and hopeless and the list goes on.. she's acting so pathetic I just fucking can't with her
oh call her outtt!
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TWENTY: time to fly
Warnings: brief mentions of scars, anxiety including medication, swearing
Word count: 13.5K
Summary: The group prepares for their first work trip and flight with Luna but she is finding things hard. The others are there to support her through it. Meanwhile new feelings are revealed by more than one person.
Luna looks around her room, sighing in frustration at the mess laying before her eyes. She was sitting on the floor of her bedroom, in the middle of a jumble of clothes, no organisation at all. She sighs once more and throws herself backwards. She had always hated packing, even as a child constantly uprooting to new towns. But this trip was different. It was not a vacation; it was a work obligation necessitating more than fun clothes and toiletries. She lets out another annoyed grumble.
“What is all this growling I keep hearing from in here?” Seonghwas calm voice comes from the doorway
A wide grin spreads across his face as he gazes down at her, lying on the floor in her comfortable pyjama shorts and a cropped t-shirt. He couldn't help but notice that she had been wearing more t-shirts lately around the safety of the apartment instead of her usual long sleeved tops. Still wearing bracelets but not as many as before too. It seemed to Seonghwa that she was feeling more comfortable at home.
"I hate this!" she grumbles, flinging her arms up dramatically before slapping them back down over her eyes.
“You look like you’re floating in a sea of clothes!” he laughs
“I hate packing.” she says, Seonghwa laying down beside her too
“I don’t want to pressure you but I can see lots of things everywhere, only 3 pairs of socks in your very large suitcase and we leave in 4 hours.” he says softly, rolling onto his side and placing a hand on her exposed stomach
Luna emits another elongated groan. "I hate it!"
He laughs again. "Okay darling, let me help you pack then!"
Seonghwa moves her arms off her face, his smile widening at her pouty expression. Unable to resist, he leans down pressing his lips to hers. Luna smiles against his kiss, comforted by his patience and willingness to help despite her surliness.
In the days since the others returned home, a hectic schedule prevented Luna from sitting down with Seonghwa and Yunho. But an easy happiness had settled over the apartment. The guys relentlessly rehearsed for their upcoming tour and performance at KCON LA, their impending destination.
While the others had packed expertly, Luna struggled to prepare for her first work trip with the band. She had no idea what to bring.
"Thanks, Hwa," she mumbles after they part, feeling some of the tension lift off her shoulders.
He chuckles softly. "We’re a team, right?"
She nods, feeling a warmth spread through her as he gently starts organising the clothes around them. "I just wish I was better at this stuff. I’ve always hated packing." she picks up a pair of jeans and begins to fold them. “Probably because we moved so much as a kid. And on short notice too.”
Luna haphazardly folds clothes into her open suitcase. Beside her, Seonghwa meticulously folds her clothes, his movements fluid and precise even as he steals glances at her.
“Excited about heading back to the States?” Seonghwa inquires, his tone thoughtful.
“I can't wait! It's been too long since my last visit,” Luna replies with a smile
“When was the last time you were there?” he asks
“3 years ago for my Grandma Parks funeral.” she replies
Seonghwa pauses folding the sweatshirt in his hands and gazes at Luna.
Though she hides it well, he can see the glint of sadness in her eyes behind her glasses.
"I'm sorry," he says sympathetically. "I didn't know. I wouldn't have asked if I did."
"It's okay," Luna reassures him, meeting his gaze.
"Come here," he beckons, opening his arms for her to come sit on his lap. She obliges, wrapping her legs around his waist as he embraces her.
She melts against him, comforted by the steady thrum of his heartbeat. His fingers trace slow circles on her back as she breathes deeply, composing herself.
“I miss her, but she was an incredible woman.” Luna's voice is wistful as she reminisces. “She used to call me her 'little bunny' because I was so short as a kid, and when I was happy, I couldn't stop hopping around.”
“You still do that sometimes!” Seonghwa chuckles.
“I know!” she laughs along with him as she pulls back to look at him, “I got the little bunny tattoo on my ankle for her. She laughed so much when I showed her it. I thought she was going to be mad at getting a tattoo but she loved it. She always encouraged me to be creative and express my true self.”
"I did wonder about that cute bunny one," Seonghwa grins. "All your tattoos are so unique and interesting. Each one seems to have a little story attached to it. Would you get more?”
“Oh 100%!” she nods, “I am going to get something to cover up my scars soon. I need to wait a little longer before I can get it done. Most days I am fine with them, like they are just a part of me but some days it hurts seeing them and a reminder of a dark period that I want to move on from.”
Seonghwa nods thoughtfully, his fingers gently tracing over her scars. She had been allowing him to touch them briefly and place kisses on them but he could sense her unease if he looked at them for too long. "I’ve heard covering up scars with tattoos can be empowering. It's like turning something painful into something beautiful."
Luna smiles appreciatively at his understanding of her feelings. “That is exactly what I want to do. My therapist says it can be a mentally healing process too. I thought she was going to tell me that covering them would be like an avoidance thing but she was all for it when I told her my plans a couple of months ago.”
“I am glad you have such a good therapist. Someone who understands you and your needs.” he says kissing her
Luna feels a warm rush inside her as he kisses her, his lips soft against hers. The scent of Luna's floral perfume lingers in Seonghwa's senses as he gently breaks the kiss. He smiles at her, his eyes soft and understanding.
“We should get back to packing.” she says sliding off his lap, sitting beside him so she can still be close
“Where is your favourite place in America?” he asks as they return to packing the case
Luna pauses, reminiscing. “Hmm, Chicago, for sure. My dad's parents were based there, and my Grandma Lee still lives there. I’m hoping to see her when we're on tour.” A wistful smile graces her lips.
"That's great, Luna. We'll ensure you get lots of time with her," Seonghwa promises. "Any other family there?"
"Not really." She shakes her head. "Dad has a sister, but they don't speak. I only met her once, at Grandpa Lee's funeral. She ignored us completely. As for my mom, her only sibling is Uncle Jihoon and he moved here at the same age I did."
Seonghwa considers probing deeper into her estranged aunt but hesitates, not wanting to reopen old wounds. "How was life in New York?" he asks instead, steering the conversation to safer waters.
"I wouldn't know! I only lived there for 3 days!" Luna replies before laughing heartily at seeing his puzzled expression, "I was born two weeks early while my parents were preparing to move to Nashville. But three days before our move, I decided to jazz things up a bit!"
She goes on to recount her dramatic entrance into the world, born into her father's arm in the back of his pickup truck at the side of the road just days before their move to Nashville. Seonghwa listened with rapt attention, laughing as she described her mother managing a cross-country move and newborn simultaneously.
“I’m amazed at how Mom managed – relocating with a newborn while recuperating,” Luna comments. “Wish she'd passed down her packing skills!” she remarks as she fits the last clothing piece into her suitcase. “Thank you for helping me with this Seonghwa. I got myself into a mess and couldn’t claw myself out of it.”
“No problem, darling. We're always here to help. We've become experts at packing due to our constant travels, so you can always rely on one of us to help you with it." he assures her, “Are you all packed now?”
“Just need to finish my carry-on,” she replies, closing her suitcase.
"I didn't come across any swimsuit or bikini," he says, eyes dancing playfully.
Luna scoffs, smacking his arm lightly. "As if I'll have time for that!"
Seonghwa tugs her onto his lap, his breath warm against her neck. "You will. We always visit the hotel pool at the end of the day. The company gets it closed off, complete privacy."
Luna shakes her head, "I can't swim anyway, so no point." a shy smile forms on her face, feeling a bit embarrassed about her lack of swimming skills.
"Then you'll just have to hold on tightly to one of us," Seonghwa murmurs, trailing kisses along her jawline.
As Seonghwa's playful suggestion lingers in the air, Luna blushes lightly at the thought of holding onto him in the pool. She liked the idea of them all having fun together, being able to play around and relax even if she just watched on from the poolside.
"What if I drag you down with me?" she asks softly, fingers playing with his hair.
Seonghwa chuckles softly, his gaze warm and reassuring. “Don't worry, Luna. I'll keep us afloat. Besides, we can teach you some basic swimming techniques. It'll be fun.”
Luna's smile widens at the idea of learning to swim with Seonghwa by her side. “Okay, that sounds like a plan. I trust you all to keep me safe in the water.” she kisses him softly, “I better get myself dressed for the airport, put a bit of make up on so I look less scary!” she adds looking at the clock on her desk
“You look beautiful as you are!” Seonghwa smiles holding her hips as she stands up “I will take your case out then so it is ready to be collected.”
“Oh , could you look out my epi-pens from the kitchen?” she asks, “I’ll need to put them in my carry on bag.”
“Of course I can darling. Need anything else?” he asks
She shakes her head, “I’ll be out in about 10 minutes or so.”
Seonghwa nods and leaves her bedroom pulling her suitcase beside him. In the lounge, he adds it to the others piled behind the sofa. Jongho and San are seated at the kitchen island when Seonghwa enters.
"Luna all packed up?" San asks.
“Yeah, she's sorted,” Seonghwa replies, relief seeping into his voice. “Thanks for tipping me off about her needing help.”
San had picked up on the growls and grumbles coming from her bedroom door earlier. Knowing Seonghwa was the most adept packer among them, he'd made the call to enlist his help. Seonghwa moves towards the coffee and tea containers, his hand reaching out to pick up the two epi-pens that have been sitting untouched since Luna moved in.
Jongho's brows furrow with concern. "Why are you taking those? Is she okay?"
"She's fine. Just needs them in her carry-on," Seonghwa reassures.
San shudders. "Those things freak me out. The thought of ever needing to use them on her... I don’t like it!"
Seonghwa nods grimly. "Let's hope not. But if so, she taught us how to use them so we know what to do."
The conversation falls silent as each of them contemplates this reality. The tension in the room is palpable but necessary - a reminder of their shared responsibility towards Luna and their unwavering commitment to her safety.
Just then, Luna breezes into the kitchen, bright-eyed and smiling. She has put some basic make up on, wearing light blue baggy ripped jeans, a white cropped t-shirt with a white hoodie loosely open on top. Her hair is loose around her face with her glasses on. “Hey guys, what are you all talking about?”
“We were just discussing how well-prepared you are for the trip,” Seonghwa says warmly.
“Now I know that is a lie!” she laughs as San pulls her into his body for a hug, “I am the least prepared person to ever walk this earth! If it wasn’t for Seonghwa then I would still be floating in the sea of jumbled clothes on my bedroom floor, telling you all to go on without me!”
San's eyes crinkles with amusement, his pearly white teeth flashing in a grin. "We'd never leave you behind!" he assures her, punctuating his words with a tender kiss.
“And don't worry about a thing,” Jongho adds. “We'll make sure you have everything you need on this trip.”
“Well we haven’t even left the apartment yet and I am already a damsel in distress as I cannot find my mac book charger!” she says, her face blushing slightly as she pulls away from San to sit beside Jongho at the kitchen island
“Ah that we can help with! We have a supply of spare chargers because our dear captain has a habit of losing his so we bought extras!” Seonghwa replies handing Luna the epi-pens. “I will go get you one.” he adds placing a kiss on her lips
“Thank you.” she whispers to him
As Seonghwa leaves to get her a spare charger, Luna gives the epi-pens checks to make sure they are in working order as Jongho and San eye her closely. Satisfied the devices are in good working condition, she puts them into her black backpack, unaware of the anxious eyes of the 2 men on either side of her.
“How was your dinner with your family last night?” San asks as she looks back at them with a smile
“Dad and Uncle Jihoon were manning the grills and trying to outdo one another with their cooking skills.” she laughs, “My cousins Seojun and Dongjae were just eating everything! It was nice chilling out with them all before this trip. When we come back my parents and the twins will be in Jeju then they go to Kyoto so I won’t see them again for another 2 weeks. You should've heard Hyejin trying to persuade me to smuggle her in my suitcase so she can tag along to LA.”
“That’s cute!” Jongho smiles
“She is excited to meet you all when they get back, they both are.” Luna replies
Since the guys found out that the twins were Atiny and had saw them in Wembley Arena earlier that year they were excited to meet the two little fans. They had given Luna their blessing to disclose who she works with to them as well and the second the girls found out they were asking to visit Luna at work.
"Who are their biases?" San asks, unable to contain his curiosity.
Jongho laughs and shakes his head. “You cannot just ask that!”
Just then, Seonghwa walks back into the kitchen, charger in hand. He plants a tender kiss on Luna's forehead before passing her the cord. "Can't ask what?"
“Who Lunas little sisters biases are!” Jongho answers
Luna's eyes glimmers with amusement. "If I tell you, do you promise not to get jealous?"
“We promise!” San exclaims, his face lit up with joy.
“Hyejin's bias is Wooyoung and her bias wrecker is Jongho.” Luna reveals as San pouts slightly, earning an evil chuckle from Jongho.
Luna turns to Jongho, surprise flashing across her face at the unexpected sound. Unable to resist, she joins in his laughter, her giggles spilling freely into the air. Without thinking, she lean against him, her head resting on his shoulder as her hand touches his bicep. Jongho's heart skips a beat at her touch.
“Soojin has 2 bias wreckers - Mingi and Hongjoong. She likes rappers.” Luna states
“And her main bias?” San asks eagerly, his expression hopeful as Luna sits up straight again
Luna allows the anticipation to build up as all three men wait in bated breath before announcing, “You, San!” The kitchen erupts into chaos as a jubilant San bounces around the kitchen island while the others burst into laughter.
“Now you just have to figure out which twin is Soojin when you meet them!” Jongho jokes
San's eyes widen. "I never thought of that! Maybe I'll just call out her name and she’ll come over."
“Oh my god, San! They aren't dogs!” Seonghwa scolds gently.
“No, that actually is how most people tell them apart! Just say their name and whoever answers it is 9 times out of 10 the right one.” Luna says
“And the other 1 time?” San asks
“They're probably pretending to be each other to confuse people who don’t know them well enough!” Luna laughs. “They love tricks like that.”
“Sounds like fun!” Seonghwa chuckles warmly.
“If they try it when you meet them, I'll give you a heads up,” Luna promises.
“Unless they play with Wooyoung! That would be fun to watch.” Jongho grins
“Oh you are evil….” Luna says turning to face him, “I like it!” she adds with an evil grin of her own
"Well, I should double check I have everything before we get picked up," San announces, leaning over to plant an affectionate kiss on Luna’s lips, his hand cupping her cheek softly
“I should probably do the same.” Seonghwa pitches in.
“Thanks again for your help.” she says to him
“It was my pleasure,” he smiles, giving her a peck on the cheek before leaving the kitchen.
A quietness falls in the kitchen as Jongho and Luna are left alone. A stark contrast to the laughter that rang out of it minutes before. As Luna rifles through her backpack, Jongho wracks his brain, trying to find something to talk to her about.
Luna's voice cuts through the stillness, making Jongho jump in surprise. “Jongho,” she says, her eyes locking onto his. “Bear witness as I place my passport…” She dramatically reveals the navy-covered document, “…into my bag's inner pocket.”
Jongho laughs lightly at her actions and nods. “I am your witness!” He observes as she carefully stows away her passport before sealing the main compartment of her bag. He notices the ‘United States of America’ emblazoned on the front cover, reminding him that despite being Korean, she is classed as an American citizen.
“I always need a witness that sees me put my passport in my bag! After the Japan incident I require it!” she giggles
“The Japan incident?” he asked curiously
Luna explains how she had left her passport in her dorm room before a trip to Japan with friends, only realising it at the check in desk. While they went on without her, she caught a flight the next day. "It's become an inside joke that my friends confirm I've packed my passport and cheer when I take it out at check-in. So I always get a witness now, more for my own peace of mind."
“I can be your passport witness from now on,” Jongho offers with a warm smile.
“You are now my official passport supervisor!” Luna giggles in response, playfully nudging him with her shoulder. “I hope you take this responsibility serious!”
"I swear to fulfil my duties as Official Passport Supervisor with utmost diligence!" Jongho proclaims, saluting jokingly.
“You are so silly!” she says, her nose scrunching cutely as she smiles at him, her hand cupping his cheek briefly
Their laughter fades into a comfortable silence. Jongho wants to spend more time with her one on one, to share more laughs like that and hear more of her stories. Gathering his courage, he clears his throat, drawing her attention back to him.
"Hey, uh, Luna?" he starts, rubbing the back of his neck. "Would you maybe want to get coffee or something when we're in LA?"
Luna's eyes widen slightly in surprise, but a soft smile forms on her lips. “Of course, I'd love that, Jongho!”
Jongho feels a rush of relief as Luna's response registers in his mind. He clears his throat once again, trying to sound casual. “C-cool, I know this fantastic little cafe not too far from where we'll be staying. We’ve been there a few times and it has really nice food.”
"Perfect," she says, excitement lacing her voice. "I was hoping we could spend more time together, just us." She adds softly.
Jongho blinks in surprise at her confession. “Really?”
“Absolutely,” Luna confirms with a light giggle. "I wanted to give you space, but honestly? I worried you thought I didn't care and I was scared that I'd chosen the wrong approach."
“I had no idea,” Jongho murmurs as he feels a slight flutter in his stomach at her words.
“I know being affectionate isn’t your thing and that is okay. We go at your pace. But…” Luna locks eyes with him as one of her hands reaches over to hold his. “…I do want you to know that I like you a lot and I care about you a great deal.”
Luna's words hang in the air, a sweet confession that leaves Jongho feeling lighter than he has in a while. His past experiences with women were fleeting and unfulfilling, as most of them only wanted to be with an idol for a night or two before moving on, leaving him feeling like he wasn’t good enough for anyone. With Luna he wants to openly express his feelings for her, maybe not as boldly as Wooyoung does, but without holding back from affectionate gestures like hugs, holding hands and kisses in private.
“I care about you too.” he confesses squeezing her hand.
As their eyes meet, Jongho feels a surge of confidence coursing through him. He leans forward, the warmth of her body drawing him in, and he can almost taste the sweetness of her lips. But a sudden sound of footsteps echoing down the hallway causes him to pull back, his heart sinking with disappointment. This is the second time he has mustered up the courage to kiss her in the kitchen, only to have it interrupted by someone else's presence. Jongho can’t help but feel disappointed and a little embarrassed too but Luna gives his hand a squeeze and whispers, “It is okay.” but leaning back in her seat.
“Hongjoong says Myeonjin and Ilsung are picking us up in 30 minutes but he wants to talk to all of us in the lounge before we leave for the company.” Yunho says walking into the kitchen
“Is something wrong?” Jongho asks
“No, he just wants to go through the airport process for Luna so everything goes smoothly.” he answers as Jongho stands up from his seat.
A flurry of butterflies erupt in her stomach as he places his hand onto the small of her back, guiding her up from her seat pulling the chair back as she stands up too and tucks it neatly under the table with precision.
“Thank you.” she smiles at him, he gives her a shy smile in return and a small nod before following Yunho into the lounge.
In the lounge, Yunho sits beside Luna, enveloping her in his arms. He kisses her tenderly, the back of his fingers grazing her cheek then nuzzles into her neck. Jongho watches, waiting for the usual pang of jealousy to hit him. But it doesn’t come, all he feels is a calm acceptance, knowing Luna shares the same feelings as him now and that whenever they get to have their first kiss, he knows it will be perfect.
Slowly the others start coming into the lounge and sit down on the sofa with Hongjoong being the last one to come in.
“Thanks for coming down before we left, I wanted to go over the airport procedure so Luna knows what will happen.” his voice in captain mode
Wooyoung nods in agreement. “That is actually a good idea.”
Hongjoong explains that they will be going to the company first so the stylists can get them ready for the airport walk. 2 of the other managers Sunghoon and Hajoon will be picking up all their suitcases from the apartment too. When it is time to leave for the airport Luna will be travelling in a separate car with Ilsung.
“You’ll be checking in ahead of us with Ilsung, he already has your flight paperwork so all you’ll need is your passport and bag.” he says
“I’ve already got it in my bag and Jongho saw me put it in!” she says as Jongho nods with a small laugh as he remembers the official passport supervisor conversation. “Also you should know, it sometimes takes me longer at check-in and security when we land. My passport causes issues when I travel. But I don't want to delay you guys or Ilsung, so maybe I am best checking in after you.”
“Absolutely not.” Hongjoong shakes his head firmly, “We won’t go in until we know you’re through safely.”
"Why does your passport cause problems?" Mingi's eyebrows draw together in confusion.
“It is a US passport.” she answers
“Ooh, right.” Mingi says, “Sorry, I keep forgetting you are an American citizen.” he adds rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, which makes Jongho feel better at forgetting too. From the looks on all their faces at this moment Luna guessed they all did.
"Don’t you qualify for a dual citizenship though?" San asks. "Since your parents are Korean?"
Luna shakes her head. "No. The only way I could get it is if my dad was a Korean citizen when I was born. Both my parents were born in America, so not even they can get it." She shrugs, nonchalance masking her frustration. "I've never been denied travel but they do inspect my documents more, like they're forged."
“Ilsung will stay with you the whole time.” Yunho reassures her, “We are arriving early so there is plenty of time if you get held up.”
“And we will be together again in the private lounge.” Yeosang smiles at her
“The lounge we go to is just for idols. Total privacy until boarding.” Wooyoung adds
"People follow us to the plane though. Filming and trying to get close." Jongho says. "Some are even on our flight."
"So you'll board ahead of us, to avoid the chaos." Hongjoong gives her a meaningful look.
“In business class, we won't have complete privacy with the managers present. However, they usually fall asleep within an hour of the flight so we can relax a bit while they rest.” Wooyoung explains
As far as Luna was aware only Myeonjin knew of their relationship. She had a feeling Ilsung was starting to figure it out, or at the very least thinks her and Wooyoung are involved as he had walked in on them play fighting in the practice room the other day. Wooyoung had Luna pinned to the sofa, playfully biting her cheeks as she laughed and tried to break free. They quickly separated when Ilsung walked in but everyone knew he had seen them.
“We don’t need to worry about anyone else in that section, it will be just us and the managers,” Mingi adds.
Luna nods, “Got it, no PDA on the flight!”
Yunho loops an arm around her waist. "Disembarking is coach first, then us. But you can stay with us through customs to the VIP area. Once you are cleared, Ilsung will take you to the cars ahead of us."
Luna focuses intently, absorbing every detail to avoid causing them any worry about her.
“What about the hotel situation?” she asks nervously, her teeth gently bites her lower lip.
“How do you mean?” Yeosang tilts his head
“Will I be separated from you all?” There is a soft uncertainty in her voice that Yunho notices immediately.
“Never,” he reassures her, kissing the side of her head. “Our rooms are always close, as will yours. You won’t be separated from us at all.”
"I don't like being alone anymore..." She says quietly, but they hear the slight quiver in her voice.
“You won’t have to, sunshine,” San promises from beside her, holding her hand. “You can stay with any of us, or we'll come to you. Whatever you want.”
Jongho briefly looks down, wondering if she'd want to come to him in LA. Admittedly he liked the thought of it, having her to himself for a few hours.
“It will be so strange being away from the safety and privacy of the apartment." she says looking around at them all, “I know we are all going to be so busy while in LA but I’ll miss our morning and evening routines.”
Mingi nods in agreement. “We will make sure that our precious time together isn’t lost.”
“I don’t want to disrupt your routines,” she protests gently.
Wooyoung quirks a smile at her. “You really think we won’t want to see you every morning or evening? We want you a part of everything.”
“We will make new routines for when we are away for work.” Seonghwa says
“Any other questions Luna?” Hongjoong asks
“No, you’ve covered everything I was wanting to know.” she replies
“Are you okay with the plans?” Yunho asks, his arm around her waist holding her a little closer to his side for reassurance. He can feel there is something she is holding back, the little telltale sign he has learned is her fingers twitch.
“Of course, I'm just worried of how to act around the managers. I don’t want to look overly familiar or unprofessional,” she says as she places her arms around Yunhos shoulders.
“They know we’re all friends now. Just be yourself.” San answers
“Just treat it like a long day at the company building.” Yeosang suggests, “Just be how you normally are with us at work, don’t try to overthink or worry about it.”
“And once we get to the hotel in LA, we can drop all pretences and be ourselves again – just like home,” Yunho adds, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.
Luna smiles at them all, “Okay, I feel better now.”
"Good." Hongjoong checks his phone. "Cars will be here any minute. Final checks, everyone."
Within fifteen minutes, the group are en route to the company building, navigating the city's vibrant streets. The chaos that greets them upon arrival was characteristic of their industry—stylists and hairdressers darting everywhere with focused expressions. In the midst of this chaos, Luna keeps herself out the way by sitting on the sofa in the corner of the room, engrossed in texting her mom.
The sound of Chaeyoung's annoying laugh cuts through the air, drawing Luna's attention away from the screen. With an annoying grin, Chaeyoung playfully styles Hongjoongs hair, her touch lingering on his shoulder as they share a laugh together. Luna feels a surge of jealousy and frustration, the burning sensation intensifying as she bites her tongue to hold back her emotions.
"Chaeyoung is unbearable," Hyunsik mutters, dropping onto the sofa beside Luna. His blunt statement echoes her unspoken thoughts. "That inane cackling actually gives me a headache."
Luna simply hums, eyes narrowing on Chaeyoung. Her hands continue toying with Hongjoongs newly dyed brown hair, now drifting down to graze his nape then rest on his shoulders again.
"She thinks he's actually interested in her too," Hyunsik scoffs with an eye roll.
“She does?” Lunas head snaps towards him
"Yeah, no chance though. Hongjoong's just being nice." Hyunsik leans in, lowering his voice. "I heard Chaeyoung tried seducing Yunho once."
The news sparks fresh envy within Luna. Possessiveness over boyfriends was unfamiliar territory. "Is that true?" She asks, trying to keep her voice steady and unbothered
Hyunsik nods knowingly. “Yeah, Chaeyoung used to be his main hairstylist until Jiyeon took over. Rumour has it that she tried to kiss him, and he requested Jiyeon afterwards. Hajoon told me and he has been with the guys the second longest after Myeonjin so I trust his word on this.”
Resentment simmers as Luna pictures Chaeyoung's lips on Yunho’s. She glances his way, watching Jiyeon style his hair professionally. A stark contrast to Chaeyoungs giggling and touching.
Hyunsik's phone buzzes, jolting Luna from her thoughts. "Gotta go check on the cars," he says, rising from the sofa. "See you when we get to LA!"
As Hyunsik leaves, Myeonjin approaches her. “Hongjoong briefed you on the airport procedure, right?” Luna nods, “Any questions?”
Luna shakes her head. "I just want the guys to get through smoothly too."
He smiles reassuringly. “They will. We'll look after them.” Glancing around the room, he adds, “I better finalise passports and departure details.”
Luna smiles as he walks away. At least it wasn’t just her who had passports on the brain. Anxiety hits, prompting her to double-check for her own. She relaxes once more when she sees it still inside the inner pocket of her backpack. Glancing back up she catches Mingis gaze from across the room. He gives her a playful wink, the tip of his tongue sticking out the corner his smirk—the same look he had given her the night before in his room on his desk chair. One hand on her hips guiding her movements on top of him, the other wrapped around her hair. Heat rushes to her cheeks at the memory and she quickly looks away from him.
Myeonjin announces that the cars are ready and it was a 10 minute warning. The room erupts into a flurry of further activity than before as they prepared to leave. Luna feels her heart beat a little faster as she stands up and grabs her backpack. The stylists swarm around the guys, putting the finishing touches on their outfits and coiffures. Hongjoongs eyes are fixated on her as she looks around the room.
“Ready?" Ilsung appears at her side.
She nods, throat tight.
“We’re leaving first, so let’s head to the garage now.” He glanced around. “Best to avoid the stylists—they take their work seriously! I’ve had one too many elbows to the ribs.” His humour elicits a timid laugh from her
Luna puts her backpack over her shoulders, she gives the guys a final look as people surround them, each of them too busy with what is going around them to see her. She wishes she could speak to one of them or get a reassuring hug but there is too many people around and a moment alone is impossible right now.
Reluctantly she leaves the room but Hongjoongs eyes are still fixed on her. Noticing the worry etched on her face and the nervous rubbing of her arm through her hoodie sleeve, a heaviness settles in his chest.
"One minute," he tells the stylist fixing his shirt, ignoring her exasperated sigh as he hastily exits.
At the end of the hall, he spots Luna and Ilsung about to disappear through a door.
“Luna, hold on!” he calls out, jogging down the hallway.
“Everything okay?” Ilsung asks
“Yes, just need to have a quick chat with Luna,” Hongjoong replies, stopping in front of her. “It will only be a few moments, I promise!” he looks at Ilsung
“I’ll meet you downstairs, Luna” Ilsung says before walking away
Hongjoong quickly scans both ends of the hallway before wrapping his fingers around Luna's hand. He guides her into an empty vocal practice room, the door clicking shut behind them.
“Joongie…” Luna begins, but her words are silenced with a deep kiss. After the initial shock wanes, she melts into him, her arms finding their way around his shoulders. They lean into each other, cherishing this rare moment of intimacy and escape from the chaos happening in the other room.
"What was that for?" Luna asks, slightly breathless when they finally part.
“I needed to steal a moment with you before you left,” he admits with a gentle smile, hands on either side of her neck, his thumbs brush against her flushed cheeks. “How are you doing?” his voice is soft
"Nervous about the airport," she admits, eyes downcast.
“It’ll just be for a short while then we will all be together again.” he replies
“I just want you guys to get through it safely,” she murmurs. Her fingers fiddle with the front of his denim shirt, smoothing the material down in an attempt to distract herself too. Hongjoong can see the nerves in her face causing him to lean down and kiss her softly.
“We've done this countless times. We know the drill and how chaotic it can get. So don’t worry about us, just focus on yourself until we regroup in the lounge area.” he says, “Did you pack your bipolar medication for the flight?” he adds
“I did and I have my legal paperwork for it all too.” she confirms with a nod
“Good. I have set a reminder on my phone for your dosage during the flight.” He watches her closely, gauging her reaction. “I hope that's not overstepping.”
“Oh Joongie..” she breaks into a smile. She leans in close to him, planting a tender kiss on his lips before pulling away with a content sigh. "You are so incredibly thoughtful," she murmurs, her eyes shining with affection,
“I wasn’t sure if you need to take it at the same time every day so I wanted to be safe.” he says
“I can adjust the times I take them but it is really thoughtful of you to think of that. If I am asleep just wake me up and when we get to LA I’ll adjust the timing for the next dose.” she smiles up at him “We should go now – Ilsung's waiting for me and your stylist is probably seething.”
“Honestly? I couldn't care less if they're angry,” he grins at her. “A stolen kiss with you is always worth it.”
“Not if I mess up your make up for the airport photos!” she replies raising an eyebrow
“I am wearing a face mask anyway so who cares!” he replies making her laugh “I’ll see you at the lounge.” he adds running his fingers through her long black hair
Luna nods and lets go of him. She quickly removes traces of her tinted lip balm from his lips as he grins down at her. He opens the door and checks the hallway before opening it further to let her out.
"See you soon," she whispers. He squeezes her hand, brushing his lips against her cheek while the hallway was still empty
“You will.” he smiles at her before watching as she disappears from view. He takes a deep breath before walking back to the room to see everyone was ready. The stylist quickly pulls him to the side and goes to readjust his shirt.
“It is fine.” he says not wanting her to move it from how Luna fixed it
“Right, time to go now!” Myeonjin shouts over the noise.
“Was Luna okay?” Yunho asks Hongjoong quietly
“I think so, bit of anxiety but I think if we keep an eye on her she’ll be okay.” he replies as they make their way downstairs to the cars
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
Luna's pulse quickens as the car nears the airport. As it slows to a stop she sees the swarm of cameras and fans gathered at the entrance, their sheer number knotting her stomach with anxiety. Glancing back, she spots the other cars trailing behind. How she wishes to be with them now, their presence is always like a soothing balm for her nerves.
"Ready?" Ilsung's calm voice draws her attention back.
She meets his steady gaze and nods, swallowing her nerves.
"It's intimidating, I know," he acknowledges, eyeing the crowd. "But they won’t bother us. Look, other people are walking right by."
Indeed, travellers stride past the spectacle unaffected, sparing barely a glance.
"I'll stay with you. Once we're checked in, it's security, then the lounge. The guys will join after." His gentle tone puts her at ease. "Don't worry." A smile creases his eyes.
The warmth of his words begins to loosen the nervous knot in her chest. "Let's go."
Ilsung opens the door and quickly runs around to open Lunas but she is already out of the car by the time he makes it. He closes the door for her and they make their way towards the crosswalk. As they stop for a bus passing Luna glances over at the 2 cars parked at the side of the road, hoping that they are okay but also that they aren’t worrying about her. She wants them to focus on their own safety through the crowds waiting for them.
Hongjoong watches Luna exit the car, tracking her every movement. His pulse jumps when she glances back. Though her expressions are obscured behind glasses and a face mask, tension radiates from her taut frame and wide eyes.
"She looks anxious," Seonghwa observes quietly.
"I know," Yunho agrees, his gaze also locked on Luna.
"We'll be with her soon enough," San says lightly, oblivious to their heightened concern.
“Shit.” Hongjoong grits his teeth as Luna rubs at her arm. It was taking everything inside of him to stay inside the car, and not jump out and go to her.
The bus rumbles past and they cross to the terminal. Weaving through the crowd with ease, they reach the check-in desk unnoticed. After handing over documents and receiving boarding passes, pleasantries are exchanged and they head onward.
"Next stop, security," Ilsung says, guiding Luna toward the queues. "You'll like the food in the lounge. I swear they have the biggest, tastiest burgers."
His casual banter lifts her mood and also the prospect of a hearty meal after only consuming some strawberries, a banana and a protein shake this morning. "I could definitely go for a massive burger right now!" she replies, tension melting away
Once they have both gone through the gate into the security area Luna hears screams in the distance and she knows that the guys are coming.
“This way.” Ilsung guides her through a separate business class security queue.
It only takes 5 minutes for them to go through and have their carry on bags checked. Luna keeps looking behind her waiting to see the guys but all she can hear is people shouting their names in the distance. Ilsung takes her to the private lounge. It is a medium sized room filled with plush sofas and armchairs, a large TV hanging on the wall that was playing some kdrama Luna didn’t recognise. There was a large window that faced onto the runway and she could see a plane thundering down it before launching into the air. There was a table against a wall that was filled with drinks and snacks.
"Make yourself comfortable. I'll grab the burgers," Ilsung says before slipping out.
Alone, Luna's excitement wars with anxiety. A lifelong nervous flyer and worry for the guys lingers too. She hopes they pass through security safely.
Ilsung returns with two towering burgers. At Luna's wide-eyed reaction, he chuckles.
“Wow!” Luna laughs as she sees them, “You really weren’t exaggerating about the size of them!”
“I know!” he replies chuckling and hands one plate to Luna, “The food lounge is next door so help yourself. The guys will be here really soon.”
“You aren’t staying in here?” she asks looking at him
“The managers and I like to give the guys complete privacy here, it is one of the rare places they can get it. If you need anything then we are just next door though but just relax and enjoy your food.” he smiles at her before leaving the room
Luna takes a bite of the burger and lets out a satisfying hum at how good it tastes. Another thing Ilsung did not exaggerate was how tasty it was. She savours each bite as she watches the planes outside take off and land while also looking over at the entrance to the lounge for the guys to arrive.
The lounge door finally swings open and a cacophony of familiar voices flood the room. Luna's heart leaps as she abandons her half-eaten burger on the coffee table and springs to her feet.
"There she is!" San's cheerful voice rings out above the chatter.
“Already eating food, that is what I like to see!” Yunho grins as Luna's mouth curves into a smile around the remnants of her latest bite. She chews hastily as she covers her mouth and swallows.
She doesn’t know who to go to first as she has the overwhelming urge to hug each of them but Hongjoong is the first one in front of her. Cradling her face, he searches her eyes. "Are you okay?"
Luna nods, holding his unsettled gaze. "I am."
“Are you sure?” he asks, his eyes filled with concern
"Joongie, I am fine!" she assures him, offering a small smile.
“Thank god.” he breathes, pulling her close.
His lips find hers in a kiss both tender and urgent, conveying all the things he cannot put into words. The others look on, surprised by this rare display of vulnerability from their composed leader. Apart from the hug Seonghwa witnessed the other night, none of them have seen him show any physical affection to Luna, or to any woman in the entire time they’ve known him.
In this unguarded moment, his usual stoic demeanour melts away, revealing a glimpse of the vulnerable person beneath. The guys exchange glances, unsure of how to react to this unexpected show of emotion from their typically reserved friend. But in that moment, they see him as he truly is – someone who cares deeply and fiercely but keeps it hidden behind a facade of strength and composure. As he pulls away from the kiss, he buries his head into her neck, his arms wrapping tightly around her body as she reciprocates.
“I’ll come get you guys when it is time to board.” Myeonjins voice quietly says from behind them
“Thanks.” Yeosang says before Myeonjin leaves.
Hongjoong holds Luna for a few more moments before releasing her, allowing the others to greet her as well. Their eagerness to reunite with Luna is palpable.
As Luna makes her way towards the group, each member takes turns embracing her in warm, heartfelt hugs. San engulfs her in a bear hug, his laughter resonating through the air. Wooyoung spins her around playfully, a mischievous grin on his face as she lets out the now signature laughing scream she does when he hugs her like this which is multiple times a day! Mingi ruffles her hair affectionately before kissing her forehead, his tall frame towering over her.
Seonghwa cradles her face in both hands, his thumbs tracing her cheeks. "I'm happy we're all back together," he murmurs, before claiming her lips in a lingering kiss.
“So am I.” she replies before Yunho steps forward and finally Yeosang. After she’s hugged them all, she shares a silent exchange at Jongho. Happy to see him as well but holding back from hugging him. Despite their little confessions and the near kiss in the kitchen earlier, she still wanted to make sure things were on his terms. His own arms were itching to hug her too and if they were alone he absolutely would be doing exactly that.
“Since we have a couple of hours before our flight, lets grab some food and relax.” Yunho suggests
San leans closer to Luna, sporting a kind smile. "Do you want another one?" He gestures towards her nearly finished burger, seeking her approval before getting more food.
Luna chuckles softly at San's offer and nods appreciatively. "I could definitely go for one more," she replies.
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
After they have all ate, they look at their seat numbers on their assigned boarding passes, Luna has a window seat with Yeosang sitting beside her. Hongjoong, Mingi and Wooyoung in the middle seats with San and Yunho on the other side of row. Seonghwa and Jongho were in the seats directly behind Luna and Yeosang.
“I can’t wait to sit beside you on the plane. Have some time with just you.” Yeosang smiles at her as they cuddle on one of the sofas, lost in a little bubble. The tip of his nose touching hers, as he gazes into her eyes affectionately. “I feel like I haven’t see you in so long.”
“Are you prepared for putting up with me for 11 hours though?” she giggles back, her fingers playing with the ends of his hair
“You say that like its a hardship.” he replies
“Wait until my snoring starts!” she grins back at him
“Hey, I’ve shared a room with the sleep talker since we were 17! Your snoring doesn’t bother me one bit!” he says, his lips brushing against hers, teasing her
Luna leans in to plant a firm kiss on his lips causing him to laugh and kiss her back. Yeosang brushes a strand of hair behind her ear, his fingers tracing her jawline before resting gently on her cheek as he continues to kiss her softly.
At that moment Myeonjin comes in to say they will be boarding in a few minutes. They all get their things together and Luna leaves the private lounge first with Ilsung. Like they said, there were people waiting around the lounge areas, phones at the ready waiting for the guys to leave.
"If only they'd give them space," Luna grumbles, frowning at the spectacle.
"Unfortunately it's part of being an idol. We protect them as much as we can, but in public places like this, we can't control where people go," Ilsung explains as they reach the gate.
He hands over their boarding passes and passports. The attendant scrutinises Luna's documents, holding up her passport to compare the photo to her face. Eventually she passes them back over and lets them board.
As they walk onto the plane and into the business class lounge Luna cannot help but look around it with her mouth open. She had only ever travelled in economy and had been looking forward to this when they told her she was travelling with them. The space was more expansive than expected, with two rows of enormous, plush seats. It felt remarkably private.
She takes her seat and looking around it, pressing the multiple buttons as she waits for the others. They soon arrive, get settled down and it isn’t long before the plane door clunks heavily as it seals shut.
Luna's chest suddenly tightens, her breath coming in gasps as regret floods through her for not taking her anxiety meds earlier. Fumbling in her backpack, she searches frantically, pulse racing.
"You okay?" Yeosang's deep voice cuts through the noise.
Meeting his steady gaze, her heart racing and a cold sweat forming on her forehead. Luna shakes her head, words failing her.
Yeosang's eyes widen. "Wait, are you having a reaction?"
"What?" Hongjoong's concerned voice drifts over from the aisle seat across from Yeosang.
“Shit, we need her pen thing!” Wooyoung says sitting forward in his seat
"No… reaction...just anxiety!" Luna manages between shuddering breaths pulling out the medication bottle from her bag. “J-just.. need my… pills.”
“Oh thank god!” Hongjoong sighs in relief as Yeosangs body relaxes too
"Is it flying?" Yeosang asks gently.
Luna's trembling hands close around the pill bottle. "The actual flying is fine." She gulps. "Not… too good at the takeoff and landing part." She struggles to open the childproof cap, hating how weak she feels. “Fuck!” she mutters in English
"Let me." Yeosang takes the bottle from Luna's shaking hands and opens it effortlessly. "How many do you need?"
“T-two pills.” she says to him
In the row behind them, Seonghwa leans forward, alerted by the tremor in Luna's voice. Wordlessly, he passes a bottle of water to Yeosang over the seat. Luna gulps the pills down, the cool water soothing her parched throat. Closing her eyes, she leans back, trying to slow her frenzied thoughts as her feet taps rapidly on the floor.
Grasping her hand, Yeosang asks, "What can we do?"
Luna shakes her head helplessly, reaching for the amethyst crystal in her jean pocket, grasping it painfully in her palm.
“It is okay,” Hongjoong says trying to ease her distress.
Around them, the others are noticing something is wrong. From beside Seonghwa, Jongho's brows knit together in concern. "Luna, what do you need?"
“Yu-yun-ho,” Luna chokes, tears beginning to well up behind her eyes.
“Yunho, Luna needs….” Before Hongjoong can finish, Yunho has already unbuckled his seat belt and is clambering over the middle seats to get to her side.
“I’m here, little one.” Yunho says softly, crouching down in front of her seat and resting his hands on her knees. “What can I do?”
Luna shakes her head helplessly. She doesn’t even know what can help her. All she knows is she needs him.
“It's okay. You’re safe.” Yunho soothes, his voice low and reassuring.
Hongjoong speaks up from his seat nearby as he notices the flight attendants preparing for the safety briefing, “Yeosang, you take Yunho's seat and let him sit beside Luna during takeoff. We can rearrange seats once we're in the air.”
Yeosang reluctantly nods, casting a final worried glance at Luna before moving to take Yunho's seat.
“What’s going on? Is Luna okay?” San asks, concern etched on his face as Yeosang settles into his newly assigned seat.
“Panic attack, I think. She said she gets anxious during takeoff and landing,” Yeosang answers softly, his gaze flickering back to Luna with worry.
Amidst the chaos in Luna's mind, Yunho's soothing voice cuts through like a ray of light. "You're safe," Her watery eyes slowly open to meet his reassuring gaze. "You're not alone in this. We're all here for you."
Tears spill down Luna's cheeks, her emotions overwhelming her fragile body. "I know," she whispers, bowing her head to hide her tears from the others as they all exchange worried looks, feeling powerless to help her in her distress.
Gently, Yunho brushes away her tears. "Breathe with me, okay? In and out, slowly," he coaches.
As Luna's breathing begins to steady out, her death grip on the amethyst crystal loosens slightly. "Thank you," she whispers.
Yunho just smiles. "No thanks needed, little one."
A low rumble fills the cabin as the plane begins slowly backing up. Luna's head jerks up, eyes wide with renewed panic. Yunho squeezes her hand reassuringly. "Just the plane backing out."
“Sorry!” Luna sniffles, embarrassed by her sudden display of fear. "I'll be fine once we're in the air."
“You do not need to apologise for anything. I still get anxious sometimes too.” he smiles at her
The rumbling grows louder as the plane taxis into position. Luna grips Yunho’s hand tightly, the amethyst crystal cutting into her palm once again. She closes her eyes, focusing on his steady presence.
"In and out," Yunho reminds her softly. "You're doing great."
Luna nods as she follows Yunho's lead, copying his breathing. As the plane begins to accelerate down the runway the roar of the engines fills the cabin, making her tense up even more. She feels Yunhos hand tighten around hers, grounding her. She turns to face him. “You are doing so well.”
Luna nods, her fingers interlocking tightly with Yunho's. She repeats his earlier words in her mind, focusing on each syllable as the wheels leave the runway.
In and out. In and out.
The rush of adrenaline fills her veins as the plane ascends into the air. But Yunho's warm hand on hers steadies her nerves. She takes a deep breath, trying to relax into her seat.
Yunho leans closer to Luna, his voice barely above a whisper. "Look out the window, little one." he urges gently.
"Outside?" she questions, her gaze shifting to him. Her eyes wide.
He smiles reassuringly. "Trust me."
Luna follows his gaze and gasps at the breathtaking sight before her eyes. The sun is descending on the horizon, its departure marking the canvas of the sky with shades of orange and pink.
"Wow," Luna gasps, awestruck. “It’s beautiful!”
"So are you, Luna," Yunho responds.
Luna blushes at Yunho's compliment, feeling her cheeks warm. She turns her attention back to the sunset, captivated by its beauty. The colours blend across the sky, casting a warm glow over everything below creating a sense of calm within her. Yunho watches Luna with a tender smile, his eyes reflecting the awe mirrored in hers.
As the plane smoothly ascends to cruising height, Luna feels the heavy weight on her chest lift. The seatbelt sign turns off, and she takes a deep breath, finally feeling some relief.
"Feeling better?" Yunho inquires gently.
Luna nods, turning to look at him. She notices Hongjoong, Mingi, Wooyoung, San, and Yeosang all trying to appear busy, but she can tell they had been watching her closely during the flight. A wave of guilt washes over her for causing them worry. Yunho senses this and gives her hand a comforting squeeze but Luna withdraws abruptly, suddenly realising she had been clutching his hand the entire time.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" she stammers.
Yunho smiles, cutting her off. "It's fine." He tucks a stray strand of Luna's hair behind her ear before cupping her cheek.
"Yunho," she whispers, casting a wary glance towards their senior managers, Myeonjin, Ilsung, Hajoon and Sunghoon seated at the other side of the plane.
"Do you think they're my concern now?" His tone is resolute. "You are my priority."
“I just don’t want to get you into trouble.” she says quietly
“You won’t.” he replies gently
Luna sighs, knowing there is no point in trying to argue with him. “Thank you.” She reaches back into her pocket and pulls out the amethyst crystal. “You helped in more ways than one!”
Yunho chuckles lightly at the sight of the crystal. "So that's why you had your hand in your pocket."
“I don’t go anywhere without this in my pocket now.” she replies looking at it fondly
"I'm glad it helps." Yunho says quietly. He leans in closer and whispers, "If I could kiss you right now, I would."
"Yun!" She giggles and playfully shoves his shoulder as he settles back into his seat.
"There's the laugh I love!" Mingi chimes from his seat, causing them both to turn around. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, and I apologise for causing such a commotion," Luna replies looking behind her, ensuring Seonghwa and Jongho are included in the conversation.
"No need to apologise," Wooyoung interjects.
“How are you feeling now?” Hongjoong asks
“I am okay now. I have a bit of anxiety during take off and landing. I usually take some medication to help settle my nerves but I thought I would be okay this time so I didn’t take it.” she says, “And before anyone says it, I know that was stupid!”
“Hey, don’t be so hard on yourself, sunsh… Luna!” San catches himself before using her nickname. “Anxiety like that is pretty common but we will always be there to help you through it.”
"I'll take my medication before we land so this doesn't happen again, I promise." Luna assures them with a small smile forming on her pale face. "I'm sorry though."
Seonghwa standing up from his seat, offering a comforting smile. "Don't worry about it, Luna. We're just glad you're feeling better now."
Jongho's voice is gentle as he suggests, "They'll be serving dinner soon. You should eat and get some rest."
Luna nods, exhausted from the emotional outburst she just had. "That sounds like a good idea," she agrees, mustering a faint smile. “I am just going to head to the bathroom to sort my face!” she adds knowing that she must look awful right now
Yunho stands up to let Luna out of their row and watches her make her way to the bathroom. As she disappears from view, he sinks back into his seat with a heavy sigh.
"That was rough," Wooyoung comments, concern etched in his features.
Hongjoong reaches over the aisle and places a comforting hand on Yunho's shoulder. "You did a great job keeping her calm."
Yunho runs a hand through his hair, feeling drained. "I hope so."
San can't help but feel guilty. "I didn't even think to ask her how she was with flying."
“To be honest, I just assumed because of all the travelling she did as a child she was an expert at flying.” Mingi speaks up, sounding remorseful
"Well, we know now and we can support her better in the future," Hongjoong states with a heavy sigh.
“Lets not make a big deal of it when she comes back though.” Seonghwa says as they all nod in agreement
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Luna splashes cool water on her puffy face and takes deep breaths. The panic has passed, but exhaustion weighs heavily on her shoulders now. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and whispers to herself, "You fucking idiot, Luna."
When she returns to her seat, she finds Yeosang is back beside her once more, with Yunho in his original seat at the other side of the row.
"We can switch if you'd prefer Yunho," Yeosang offers.
“Absolutely not!” she smiles as she sits back at her seat beside the window, “This is your assigned seat and remember what you said in the lounge, you have a whole flight of my snoring to look forward to.”
“I will let Yunho sit here for landing.” he replies
Luna shakes her head, "You don't have to do that. I only asked for Yunho's help because he knows about my anxiety and has helped me in the past. I didn't want it to turn into a full-blown panic attack in front of everyone." she explains, “However, you all saw it anyway. My therapist prescribed me anxiety medication for when things get too much.”
“I didn’t know you saw a therapist.” he says softly
“I get stressed a bit easily and have anxiety about things.” she replies, deciding to let him know about the basics for now.
He nods, his eyes filled with understanding. Luna notices how his gaze lingers on her for a moment longer, as if he wants to say something more but hesitates.
"I'm glad you're taking steps to take care of yourself," he finally says, his voice soft and sincere. "Anxiety can be tough to deal with, but it's great that you have support."
As the flight attendants begin serving dinner, Luna feels the full extent of her panic attack wash over her and the exhaustion hits her hard. She picks at her food, her appetite gone.
"You need to eat, angel." Yeosang says from beside her.
"I know. I'm just not hungry though." She pushes her tray away. "Eating two burgers plus a hot dog and ice cream at the airport wasn't wise." she adds poking her stomach
“How about I tell you a bad joke and if you laugh then you need to eat a couple of bites?” Yeosang says
Luna looks up at him and can't help but smile through her exhaustion. "Deal. Hit me with that bad joke."
Grinning mischievously, Yeosang asks, "Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!"
“Oh my god!” Luna winces, “That is something my dad would say! However…. I will give you that one though!” she adds smiling widely. She picks up her chop sticks and eats a few bites of her grilled beef tenderloin.
"I've got plenty more if you need incentive," Yeosang replies with a wink.
"I'm sure you do. And I'm sure they'll work." She takes another bite. “I am a sucker for a bad joke!”
She eats a bit more of her food before admitting she really cannot fit anymore into her stomach. Yeosang takes her plates and neatly stacks them with his own as the flight attendants collect them. Luna lets out a long yawn and stretches her arms above her head.
“Your seat can flatten down a bit so its more like a bed.” he says, “If you want to go wash up and brush your teeth, I will set it up for you.”
“Thank you Sang-ie.” she smiles standing up, longing to give him a hug but keeps her hands to herself as she passes him by
As Luna heads towards the bathroom to freshen up, Yeosang gets to work on adjusting her seat into a more comfortable position.
“Did Luna eat enough?” Mingi asks him
As Yeosang finishes adjusting Luna's seat, he looks up and nods at Mingi's question. "She ate a decent amount, not as much as I’d have liked her to but I think she is tired and needs to sleep.”
“Anxiety is exhausting.” Mingi quietly nods, knowing himself how it can feel
“It's been a rough day for her," he replies softly placing the pillows and cover onto her seat
Just then, Luna returns from the bathroom looking refreshed. "Thank you so much, Yeosang. You didn't have to go through all this trouble for me," she says sincerely.
Yeosang shrugs off her thanks with a warm smile. "It's no trouble at all. I just want to make sure you're comfortable."
She settles down as Yeosang fixes his own seat, telling her if he is asleep and she needs to get past him, just wake him up or climb over him, which makes her laugh. Everyone around them has settled into their own makeshift beds, some watching movies through headphone, or reading books, or already asleep!
As the hum of the planes engines lulls them into a comfortable silence, Luna finds herself drifting off to sleep. Yeosang quietly covers her with another blanket and whispers, "Rest well, Luna. We're here if you need anything." In the dimly-lit cabin and with most people busy or sleeping, Yeosang take the opportunity to lean down and kiss her pouty lips.
The sudden touch of his lips on hers makes Luna's eyes flutter open slightly, surprised by the unexpected gesture. She gazes at Yeosang with a mix of confusion and affection.
Yeosang chuckles softly, "Sorry, couldn't resist. You just looked so peaceful and cute."
Blushing slightly, Luna smiles sleepily, reaching out to touch his face. "It's okay."
Yeosang leans back into his own seat as she closes her eyes again but he can’t take his eyes off her. Just as she starts to drift off again, Mingi's voice cuts through the quiet cabin, "Luna, if you need anything during the flight, don't hesitate to wake us up."
“I will.” she mumbles drowsily, as she succumbs to the sleep.
Yeosang continues to look at her, feeling a surge of protectiveness for her.
“You should sleep too Yeosang.” Hongjoong says quietly
“Do you think she’ll really be okay when its time to land?” he ask, turning to look at his leader
“I hope so.” he replies, “If she isn’t we will be there to support her though. It is all we can do.”
Just then, Luna stirs in her sleep, mumbling something unintelligible. Yeosang reaches out to adjust her blanket, tucking it more securely around her shoulders. Luna lets out a small whine, her brow furrowing as if troubled by a bad dream.
As the cabin lights dim further, Luna's troubled expressions fades away as she slips into a deep sleep, her breathing evens out replaced by her soft snores. Yeosang, reassured by her peaceful state, finally allows himself to close his eyes and rest.
The remainder of the flight went by without any issues. After everyone slept for a few hours, they had breakfast, Luna got a bit of work done on her laptop and then watched a movie with Yeosang. An hour before landing she took her medication and the process was easier than taking off. She closed her eyes and held onto the pillow from her seat.
Just as they said to her back in Korea there were some fans who were waiting for them at the leaving gate. Luna kept herself behind Yunho with Ilsung and one of the bodyguards on either side of her.
Like security at Incheon Airport, they got through customs very quickly and Luna was the first to leave. Ilsung escorted her to one of the cars waiting outside the airport. She didn’t know who would be getting inside it with her as it was dependant on who came out first and which car the managers sorted them in to.
10 minutes later she sees them coming. The car door opens with Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi and Yeosang getting in and Yunho, San, Wooyoung and Jongho entering the car behind them.
“Everything go okay?” Seonghwa asks her
“Yeah, straight through with no issues.” she replies as the car begins to move
“Are you going for a nap when you get to your hotel room?” Yeosang asks
“No, I need to do some work.” she answers
Hongjoong frowns, worry creasing his forehead. "Seriously? You plan on diving into work right away?"
"I've got a conference meeting in like 2 hours," Luna says, pulling her phone from her pocket. "I got some work done on the flight but I need to finish it before the meeting."
"A meeting so soon after the flight?" Hongjoong's expression turns grave, his voice tinged with concern. "Who is it with?"
"Eden," Luna answers distractedly, focused on replying to a work email she had just received
Hongjoong's eyes widen in alarm. "No way, you're not working. Rest should be your priority after such a long flight!" He places a gentle but firm hand on her phone screen, lowering it from her face.
Luna's brows draw together in frustration and she pulls the phone back up. "But the album discussion for Japan can't be postponed!"
“No, I will call him.” Hongjoong fixes her with a serious look, “I'll make sure Eden understands that today is off-limits for work.” His voice leaves no room for argument.
“It is essential that it happens today.” Luna's determination remains unscathed. Her sharp tone echoes in the enclosed space.
A silence falls in the car as Hongjoong and Luna look at one another, neither one of them showing any signs of backing down. Mingi, Yeosang and Seonghwa look between themselves.
“Hongjoong has a point.” Seonghwa speaks softly, “You have just got off a very long flight. You need time to rest and adjust to the timezone.”
“I appreciate your concern, but this meeting can't be postponed,” Luna holds her ground.
Mingi chimes in softly, empathy dripping from his words, "We understand your dedication and work ethic, but princess, your health comes first. Let Hongjoong handle this."
Feeling the weight of their worries bearing down on her, Luna takes a deep breath before assertively saying, "I understand your concerns, but this meeting with Eden cannot wait any longer."
Hongjoong's frustration bubbles over at Luna's insistence on working despite everyone's advice, his voice rises slightly. "Luna, please listen to us. We only want what's best for you. Trust me to take care of this today. Your well-being surpasses any work obligation."
As Luna gazes at each of them, she senses their genuine care reflected in their expressions. Despite knowing the importance of the meeting, she was already feeling the fatigue from the past 18 hours catching up to her. "Fine, go ahead and reschedule it," she concedes, turning her head away from them to look out of the car window.
"Luna, I apologise if I seem forceful; my intention was only your well-being," Hongjoong says, feeling a little guilty at going into leader mode with Luna, something he never wanted to do with her.
"I know," Luna replies, meeting his apologetic gaze. "It's just, when it comes to work I take it very seriously."
"We know you work hard, sometimes too hard," Yeosang says.
“I don’t want to be a slacker or let anyone down.” Luna's words reflect her dedication and concern, “And I don’t want to piss off Eden either when I’ve been given such an important job.”
"No one could ever accuse you of being a slacker," Hongjoong reassures. "As for Eden, leave him to me. This was my decision, not yours. So if he wants to be angry at anyone, he can be angry at me."
Luna rubs her temples, feeling a headache begin. "I don't want him angry at anyone."
The car slows down and comes to a stop outside their hotel. The guys had told Luna earlier that another manager always goes ahead and checks in everyone so their room key cards were ready for them. No delays or waiting around, just straight to their rooms. It sounded like heaven to her, not having to deal with it all herself.
Exiting the car, Luna takes a deep breath, trying to shake off her exhaustion. She follows the guys into the hotel, her mind still on the postponed meeting. As they step into the brightly lit lobby, she sees the others are already here.
“How was the drive?” Wooyoung asks as she joins them
Luna sighs a little, “It was alright.”
“What’s wrong?” Yunho asks her
“We just had a little difference of opinion.” she says, running a hand through her hair. “I am sure it will be fine though.”
San furrows his brows, concern etching his face. “What happened?”
“I was supposed to be having a meeting with Eden in a couple of hours,” she replies, glancing over at Hongjoong who is talking on his phone, “Hongjoong made the decision that I wasn’t to do it so I could rest and I am worried Eden is going to be pissed off.”
Sans expression softens as he looks between Luna and Hongjoong. “You know how Eden gets about work but he’ll understand you’ve just had a 12 hour flight and need to adjust to the time zone. Hongjoong will handle it so don’t worry.”
As Hajoon distributes their keycards, relief washes over Luna. At least she didn't have to handle check-in after the long journey. The group shuffles toward the elevators, Luna trailing behind, muscles beginning to ache.
"We should all meet up for dinner later in my room," Hongjoong suggests as the doors slide shut. "It'll be more private."
“That sounds like a good idea.” San agrees
“What do you think Luna?” Mingi asks her
“Only if you guys don’t have any other plans.” she replies
"You are our plans," Wooyoung smiles, eliciting one from her too.
“What is your room number?” Yeosang asks her
"638," she answers, checking her card.
“Ooh, I am 636. Maybe you and I will have the adjoining door!” Mingi grins
“Unless I do, I am 640!” Yunho says
“That is not fair!” Wooyoung pouts. “I am 682!!”
Everyone begins to laugh as the lift doors slide open and they walk out.
“Luggage should be here in 2/3 hours.” Seonghwa says to Luna as they all walk down the corridor towards their assigned rooms, “If we are sleeping when they arrive the managers just put them in our rooms but we asked them not to do that for you, instead they will put it in one of our rooms for you. So you don’t need to worry about someone coming into your room.”
“Thanks, that sounds good. I’d probably freak out if that happened.” Luna laughs, “Here is my room!”
“Aww I am on the far away side.” Mingi says as he stands in front of his door
“At least you are nearby!” Wooyoung mumbles passing him, “I shall see you all from the other side!”
“My room in 4 hours!” Hongjoong says, “Everyone get a proper rest too!” he adds, more towards Luna than anyone else
After bidding everyone goodbye, Luna enters her room and collapses onto the plush, white bedspread. The room is quiet, a stark contrast to the jovial banter from moments ago. She closes her eyes, relishing in the silence and feeling the weariness settle into her bones. Suddenly, she hears a soft knock coming from the adjoining door, breaking the silence.
“Hey neighbour!” Yunho grins as Luna opens the door between their hotel rooms.
“Yun!” Luna giggles at his antics as he moves aside to let her into his room
“Is your room okay?” he inquires, closing the door behind her.
“Yeah, it's great!” she replies with a faint smile.
“Are you okay?” Yunho's concern is evident in his voice. His arms automatically envelop her into a hug
Luna sinks into his embrace with a sigh, her body melting against his. "Just a bit tired. I wish I had my suitcase so I could change into something comfy." Her words are muffled against his chest.
“I can give you something to change into until our luggage arrives.” Yunho's hand strokes her hair soothingly.
“What about you?” she asks
“I’ll be okay.” he replies kissing the top of her head, "We could take a nap together if you want."
Luna peers up at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Just trying to get me in your bed, huh Mr. Jeong?"
Yunho's laugh rumbles through his chest. "You know I'd have you in my bed 24/7 if I could." He runs his hands down her back. "But we both need sleep, and it'll be a couple hours before our bags arrive." he adds placing a soft kiss to her forehead
As Luna leans back into Yunho, her body feels heavy and sleep calls to her. Jet lag seeps into her bones, urging her to rest as she nuzzles into the soft cotton of Yunho's sweatshirt, inhaling his scent. "Mm a nap does sound good right now," she murmurs through a yawn.
“Let me grab you something to change into.” he says gently, releasing her from his hold. “Next time, pack a spare set of clothes in your carry-on. It’s always handy after long flights, especially when we're stuck waiting for our bags.”
“I'll remember that for next time,” Luna promises as Yunho hands her an oversized t-shirt.
“I would offer you some sweats, but they’d swallow you whole,” Yunho chuckles.
“This is perfect, thanks,” Luna reassures him.
She lays the t-shirt on the bed and begins to slip off her hoodie and t-shirt. Noticing Yunho turning away, Luna questions, “Why are you looking away?” She unbuttons her jeans and pulls them off before putting Yunhos t-shirt over her head. The long length of it resembles a dress on her short frame compared to him.
"To give you privacy," he replies, the edges of his ears blushing into a shade of red.
“Yunho…” she says wrapping her arms around him from behind, “You’ve seen me naked and even pulled my underwear off with your teeth… do you think I care about you seeing me in my underwear right now?”
“It’s just… I want to respect you and your boundaries.” he says
Luna moves her arms to his waist and turns him around to face her. “With you I don’t have any.” she goes on her tiptoes to kiss his lips. “I am yours.” she whispers
Yunho nods, a small smile playing on his lips as he takes in her words. “I’m yours too.”
Luna, hearing a sudden vibration from her phone, lifts it from the desk she placed it on and winces at the battery notification.
“Shit! Can I charge up my phone in here?” Luna's voice is urgent, filled with a hint of panic. "I am on like 10%!"
“Of course. You can use my charger.” he replies pulling it out his bag and handing it to her.
As Luna plugs her phone in Yunho gets changed into a pair of sweats and takes his sweatshirt off, revealing a black tank top underneath.
Luna quickly texts her mom to let her know she’s arrived in LA and sees a new message from Hongjoong, apologising for going into leader mode over the Eden situation. She quickly replies, it is okay and thanking him for looking after her. As she sits on the edge of the bed and places the phone on the bedside table, Yunho pulls her towards him, causing her to giggle and fall onto the plush mattress with a soft thud. Her laughter echoes through the room, filling it with joy and warmth.
"Fuck, I love that laugh," Yunho grins, hovering over her as she lays back against the soft bedding. His hands move to her arms, pinning them down to the mattress and kisses her deeply. His fingers trace the scars on her wrists that he had only recently noticed. Intertwining their fingers, he feels her moan softly against his lips.
“Time to sleep, little one.” Yunho smiles as their lips part. “When you wake, our luggage will be here. We can shower, get changed and meet the others for dinner in Hongjoong’s room.”
“Can we shower together?” Luna asks sleepily, stifling a yawn.
“Whatever you want.” he whispers, tucking some of her hair behind her ear as he lays down beside her.
Yunho feels a flutter inside him as she cuddles into him and closes her eyes. He knew in this moment that his feelings towards her had shifted, he was beginning to fall for her and that it could complicate everything if he allows himself to fall completely.
Taglist: @kiwibaekie @fudgeflyssworld @kodzukein @khjcoo @pepperony-7 @ateez-babygirl @starillusion13 @truthbehindthereflection @livingdeadlisa @stayteezdreams @atinyapple1117
#ateez#park seonghwa#kim hongjoong#jeong yunho#kang yeosang#choi san#song mingi#jung wooyoung#choi jongho#ateez smut#ateez fluff#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez ot8 x fem!oc#ateez poly#ateez angst#ateez romance#utopia ateez fic
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murk!!! TRICK or TREAT!!!!! 🙀😈🤡💀
happy halloweennnnn!!! here's MY 600 words of presumed deaddie I won't finish
While Eddie is missing, Buck makes breakfast. Lunch. Dinner, too. Three meals a day, with occasional baking before he ran through the bag of flour and the freezer couldn't hold any more cookies. Between tasks his thoughts skip. Work, laundry, dinner, work. He doesn't remember anything from the gaps. Sometimes he considers, distant like it's coming from another room—is this normal? Then he has to go wash the dishes by hand, because loading the dishwasher doesn't take long enough.
The only time his thoughts run continuously is when he's with Chris. Driving him to school or having dinner or watching something before bed. Those times Buck holds onto every detail. He sits fully inside of his aching body with wet eyes and tries to—he just tries really hard. People keep telling him without telling him—you're not doing this right. You have to prepare him. Buck—can't do that, so he made Chris therapy appointments. When they drove to the first one Chris crossed his arms and refused to leave the passenger seat. They sat in the parking lot for ten minutes before Buck gave in or gave up and took them to In & Out instead.
This isn't like after the shooting, where Eddie was in a real physical room that you could visit, have face-times in, imagine in clear, crisp detail. Half of Buck had been in that hospital room. Buck could say: your dad is sleeping. Your dad is okay. Eddie's okay right now, because of course he's okay, they just... don't know where he is. So half of Buck is—floating, un-anchored. Somewhere. And all Buck can say is, we have to be patient and trust him, okay? while Chris stares at him like he's thinking something Buck really doesn't want him to say.
Bobby's in Eddie's kitchen. Buck doesn't remember letting him in, but he's here. Last time he was here was after Buck called him, vaguely explaining that Eddie was struggling, that his friends from the army were dead. There was a reason for Bobby to be there, then. There's not a reason for him to be here now, because Eddie is okay.
"How are you holding up?" Bobby asks, carefully neutral expression on his face.
"It's hard," Buck says, because people react better to that than I'm fine. They react a whole lot better than they do to Why are you asking me that? Why aren't you looking for Eddie? Why aren't you letting me look for Eddie?
"Have you..." Bobby lifts his mug of tea then puts it back down. Did he get that himself? Did Buck make it for him? Buck blinks at it until he hears his name, "Buck. Have you called Eddie's parents?"
Buck stares at him.
"They haven't found him," Buck says. "They haven't found him yet, so why do I have to call them?"
"They deserve to know, Buck."
"Why? They don't care about him. They just want Chris."
An expression crosses over Bobby's face—pained and uncomfortable and very, very sorry. Everyone looks at him like that lately. "Having family around could be good for Chris."
Buck doesn't understand. Abuela is here. Pepa is here. Buck is—it dawns on him: Bobby doesn't know. Nobody knows. Buck isn't even sure if Chris knows. And that's fine, because nobody was supposed to know, because the only time it matters is if Eddie were—which he's not.
So it doesn't matter what Bobby thinks.
A knock on the door again. Buck doesn't know how much time has passed. He did a shift, so it has to be at least twenty-four hours. A flight from El Paso to LA takes two. Eddie's parents are standing on the doorstep.
#whether or not it's good. every eddie understander needs to write a presumed deaddie#murk posts#asks#I don't wanna deal with will logistics.....#911#buddie#my writing
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New Addition(s) | Reader X Aaron Hotchner
• i take requests! plsss dm me or leave them here if u have anything fun you'd like me to write. it can be angst, any type of trope, smut, etc. • PLZ NOTE: i ONLY do oneshots. they differ from long to short depending on the character and story. i do not write series! • new addition(s) - 885 words • desc.: - dharma & greg but it's you and aaron <3 - fluff!!!
• • • • ~ ʚĭɞ ~ • • • • ~ ʚĭɞ ~• • • • ~ ʚĭɞ ~• • • • ~ ʚĭɞ ~ • • • •
you and aaron have been married for a year now. you met on a run in the park. well, he was running and you were teaching an outdoor yoga class cause' the building you usually teach in was under construction. it was like love at first sight, he saw you and immediately asked you out. you like a man with a little confidence, so you agreed. and it was the best first and last date ever. you took him to a baseball game where you listened to organ music, after he defended you against a tall, angry man you accidentally bumped into, you took him to get pie - in las vegas. he argued that there was pie in quantico too, which there was, but you counter-argued that no pie can beat the pie in vegas. after a 5h flight and first bite of the pie, he shut up. you were right - best pie ever. you talked about your future and how much you like him and how much he likes you - he told you all about his life and work. his late ex-wife, his little boy - jack, who you were estatic to meet. he also mentioned how he's a slight bum when it comes to romance, and how he wishes there was a way you could just skip the dating stage and just get married and live happily ever after.
and so you did. you went to a wedding chapel in vegas, which wasn't hard to find, and got eloped. when you mentioned the idea, he thought it crazy. how could he run off and get married after one single date? but he didn't take much convincing. one look at your puppy eyes and he melted. now, if it hasn't been clear already, you and aaron are complete opposites. he's a fbi agent, a profiler, who could kill with his stern expression - and you, you're a yoga teacher with a smile that radiates sunshine and a crave for spontaneous new things and change. your relationship wasn't easy at first, you had to adjust to aaron and his high priority job, and he had to adjust to you. your crazy lifestyle, your beliefs, your spontaneity. he's not really sure he's adjusted to that last one just yet.
--
he's sitting at home on the couch, cracking open a cold beer as he works through some files he brought home with him. it's already 10:45 pm, meaning jack was put to sleep about 10 minutes ago. i open the apartment door and get greeted by aaron and his lovely smile that just melts my heart every single time. "hey honey, where you been?" he chugs a sip of his beer as i hang my jacket and drop my bag infront of the door. "'kay, listen, you can't get mad at me." i sit down next to him on the couch as he gives me a kind of concerned look, "mad? what happened? are you okay?" i nod, "oh yeah, i'm fine, don't worry about me." "but worry about someone?" he chuckles, "no, i promise i didn't murder anyone just yet." he sighs out of relief, although he's quick to correct me about that last part of my sentence. "do you promise you won't get mad? you have to hear me out aaron, 'kay?" i say and sit with my legs criss cross, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "i promise. now spit it out, you're making me worried. should i be worried?" "i might have gotten us a dog." i can't tell what his expression means. is he happy? furious? confused? "aaron?" "sorry i think i heard wrong - a dog?" he stares at me and i nod. "why- why did you get a dog, y/n." he drops his head into his palm and laughs, in a good and hopefully not manic way.
"i went to the shelter - just to look!" i smile and bite my lower lip, "and he was sitting there so sad and alone and i couldn't just leave him there, aaron. you know me, i'm better than that." he nods, "of course." his thumb brushes my cheek, "i know honey." he tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear. "so you're not mad?" "well i'm not exactly enthusiastic, i would definitely not have minded getting asked about this first before you got one," i gulp and whisper sorries. "but i trust you and your judgement." he hugs me and his hand rubs my back, "plus, jack won't mind having a furry friend around to chase." i giggle at the thought of that, "oh honey, i promise you'll love them."
it's quiet for a second, "honey?" his voice mutters. "yeah?" "them?" i move away from his embrace and bite my lower lip again, trying to surpress my laughter, "okay, i got two dogs." "y/n. please tell me your joking." "they looked so happy together, aaron! they reminded me of us!" i giggle and he sighs, his head dropping once again. "you will be the death of me, woman." "maybe one day, but not today, we've got dogs to take care of now!" we both get up from the couch as our fingers intertwine and i lead him to our bedroom, "oh also, i named them sherlock bones and butterball." "'course you did."
#aaron hotchner#hotch#thomas gibson#fluff#fanfic#fan fic#criminal minds#greg montgomery#dharma montgomery#jack hotchner#cute fanfic#bau
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Notes on Wyldfyre's Voice Messages
out of EVERYONE in Dragons Rising, it's an interesting choice to have Wydfyre be the one to vent out her grief. And that's what this is.
Grief.
1: Why am I doing this?
The idea that Lloyd offered this idea, of sending voice messages [writing letters] to Kai [to the "deceased"] is a great coping method for younger children when dealing with loss. It's a hard idea to conceptualize when dealing with grief at a young age [since this is on LEGO Kids, its presumed for younger children]. "...why would I talk to someone who can't hear me?" parallels the idea of a child not understanding the idea of "the person you love is still around us, even if we can't see them." Its a way to talk without pressure, of getting everything off your chest without aiming it at a real person.
"I refuse to accept that you're trapped away from us and never coming back. I know you'll be back. You're probably on your way back right now." Again, another fascinating parallel to the loss/death of a loved one. In a personal connection - Last year (2023), I lost my grandmother to pneumonia after an 18 year battle with cancer. I was unable to see her before she died (long story), so, the last time I got to physically see her was between a half to a full year before she had died. While I was up at her house with my family, it felt like she was going to walk into the house at any time. I felt like I had no closure, even after the funeral/cremation. So, Wyldfyre waiting for Kai to come back is her way of saying she doesn't have closure. She's in denial. [Even though we all know our beloved Fire Ninja is coming back at some point].
"With you gone, no one understands me here." Kai was, honestly, the first one to really reach out and understand Wyldfyre from HER point of view. She grew up, literally, in the wild [Wyld]- so she is harsh, brash, crude, hot headed. Kai, at first, tried to teach her like how he was taught, but learned to adjust to her needs. He learned how to talk to her, how to connect with her, in a way that wasn't dehumanizing or insulting to how she was raised.
In relation to "Sora and Arin don't know what its like to lose a mentor like you"- Sora rejected her former mentor, seeing how La Rowe treated dragons, but Arin. Arin is stagnant. He's trapped in the rut of trying to find his family. He's dealing with loss, but he doesn't know how to grow from it.
2: So what now?
Wyldfyre is on Heatwave being taken to an unknown place and she is feeling excited and free again- only to be hit with the conflicting feelings of guilt, heartache, frustration, and sadness.
She's wondering about why she gets to enjoy the feeling of flight, the beautiful sky, the wind, etc while Kai is trapped. She doesn't know what's happened to him (like if he's okay other than being trapped), what he sees.
This is an interesting perspective into grief. Why should I get to enjoy this while the person I love (platonically) is suffering? Why do I get to see the sky while Kai is stuck?
Its interesting to note that Wyldfyre describes where she is as "peaceful". Right now, she's in a tumultuous state of mind, hence why Heatwave is taking her to a safer place.
"I feel bad looking at this beautiful sky and knowing that you might never get to see one again." This is such an excellent viewpoint of grief/survivor's guilt from a child's perspective. The pain in her voice of "It's not fair that you're gone, Kai."
"What did you do to deserve this? You were just trying to protect us." God, this is not only heartbreaking but, surprisingly realistic in terms of dealing with this kind of loss.
3: I am Rage
"where Fire Dragons come from all over... for a huge family celebration." Boy Lego really is making us and Wyldfyre suffer, huh. Its like each voice message resonates with a varying stage of grief.
1: Denial. 2: Depression/Despair. 3: Anger.
"Why did you leave us, Kai?" Lego, when I catch you Lego, when I catch you-
4: Desperate Measures
someone please send these to Vincent so he can respond to them as Kai :(
overall, I think this is one of the more interesting perspectives we've gotten in a long time. I do feel like they didn't fully capture Wyldfyre's nature, as she doesn't speak very eloquently. She's much more brash and blunt, but otherwise I think this is excellent!
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I would love to see you write an unrequited love story with I’m not a mountain by Sarah kinsley always gets me in my feels
I'm not a mountain (ellie wiliams x reader)
Hi anon! sorry it took me so long to write this, I couldn't think of a good plot, but I finally got something! I hope you enjoy <3
This story is based off the song I'm not a mountain by Sarah Kingsly so if you can, please listen to the song as you're reading:)
Pairing: ellie x fem!reader
requests are always open feel free to leave one!
Warnings: violence and death, Ellie being stupid
Summary: In which Ellie makes stupid decisions
wc: 2.1k
(La da da da da da)
If I could choose the things that I knew
And all the things that I'd see
I'd let the room fill with memories until
The walls were staring at me
Ellie sighed as she opened her eyes. She sat up, bringing her right hand to scratch her head.
She couldn’t sleep. You plagued her mind like a disease. For some fucking reason it seems the memory of you was stuck in her mind.
The way you smiled. The way you laughed at her. The way you dressed depending on your mood. The way you-
Fuck.
She had work tomorrow. She should be sleeping. But you were running circles through her mind.
Ellie looked at her desk that sat in the corner of her room. She let out a loud groan at the memory of you sitting at the table and looking at her with puppy eyes begging her to go out with you.
You were everywhere. Everywhere she looked, everything in her room had you written all over it.
Your spirit lingered there.
“What?” Ellie asked loudly as she looked at the stuffed dinosaur you gave on her birthday. “You think I’m stupid too?” she asked as if it would respond to her.
She had work tomorrow she shouldn’t be awake but you.
God you were making it hard for her.
“I fucking hate you” Ellie muttered as she lay back down, bringing the blanket over her head.
She knew she was lying.
She doesn’t hate you. She could never. But she really needed to stop thinking about you.
The mystery of life is just taking flight
I watch the walls closing in
So I swallow my pride and I take another bite
I guess I'm dreaming again
“I love you” Ellie muttered.
“I know els” you replied with a small smile.
“please come back” Ellie begged. “I can’t” you simply said, still having that sweet smile on your face.
“No- no you said you would always be here for me” Ellie spoke back tears filling her eyes.
“things change Ellie”
“no- no please- “
“Fuck!” Ellie screamed as she woke up. It was another fucking dream.
You already haunt her with the memories the two of you have together, now you were showing up in her dreams.
She couldn’t escape you.
She wanted to hate you. She wanted to blame you for everything that went wrong in her life. But she couldn’t because all of this was her fault. It was her fault that you left. It was Ellie’s fault that you died. But she couldn’t accept it.
It was as if you were still here. Barging into her room with that stupid smile of yours saying “look what I have els”.
But you weren’t there anymore. The only thing left was the memories. And countless dreams Ellie has of you.
Ellie finally understands what people meant when they said you never know how much you truly love someone till you lose them.
She wishes she could go back in time and tell herself to wake up and to tell you how she felt.
How much she loved you. How much she appreciated you.
But you were gone. You were never coming back.
I swear I'm unattached
Living in the past but
I can't get off my feet
You say we'll all go mad
But I don't believe that
So you'll prove it to me
Ellie always knew she had a crush on you.
She remembered the day she and Joel walked into Jackson for the first time. You stood behind Tommy with wide eyes looking at the two of them.
Ellie’s first words to you were: “you have a staring problem or am I just that beautiful?” and you replied: “I think I might have a staring problem”
And since that day the two of you were inseparable.
You both followed each other everywhere. Where Ellie went, you were always there. Joel knows if he ever needed to look for Ellie, she would be at your house. People would even joke and say the two of you were sisters. That how close you were.
When Ellie realized she was in love with you, she was 15.
You were helping her at the stables with her horse Shimmer.
“You think shimmer is a cool name?” you had asked Ellie
“No I would’ve named her something space related”
“Mars”
“What?”
“I think you would’ve named her Mars”
“How did you know I was gonna call her that?” Ellie questioned puzzled
“Because you’ve been talking about Mars for the last 2 weeks”
“You listen to me?”
“Of course I do Ellie. What friend would I be if I didn’t listen??
And in that moment Ellie knew you were the one for her.
Years went by and Ellie’s crush on you grew. She would never admit it out loud but she would sabotage all your relationships. When you brought someone home, or when you tell Ellie you went on a date with someone she would find the person and threaten them.
She would tell them to stay away from you.
Her girl.
You never knew why your relationships never worked out. You really thought there was something wrong with you. But little did you know, it was your best friend who got rid of anyone that was interested in you.
Ellie smiled at the memory of the two of you talking about changing Shimmers name. Ellie brought her hand up to run her fingers through Shimmers mane.
“You miss her too?” Ellie asked the horse but she received no answer.
“Well I miss her” Ellie spoke softly.
“You look like shit” she heard Jesse’s voice suddenly talk from behind her.
“shut up”
“when was the last time you got some sleep?” Jesse asked, seriously concerned about his best friend.
“That’s not important”
“Ellie- “
“Jesse drop it?” she spoke through gritted teeth.
Jesse let out a sigh “we’re all worried about you Ellie?”
“I don’t fucking care” Ellie snapped, as she got onto Shimmer “I’m not in the mood for your pity. Now shut up and get on the horse”
Jesse let out a defeated sigh as he hopped on the horse.
“Let’s get this over with”
(La da da da da da)
If I could choose, I'd never lose
I'd always take without giving
I wrote down the truth in letters to you
But I know you'll never get them
The air surrounding Ellie and Jesse was tense as they rode in silence.
“It’s Wednesday” Ellie suddenly said.
“You want to visit her?” Jesse asked.
“Yeah”
“we all miss her Ellie” he started “It wasn’t your fault- “
“it was” Ellie cut him off “If I didn’t kill her girlfriend she would’ve not left Jackson and she wouldn’t have died”
“Why did you kill Abby?”
And Ellie fell silent. She killed Abby because she was in love with you. She had to do something. She remembers the day as if it was yesterday. Abby was your longest relationship ever. Ellie had told the blonde to stay away from you multiple times but she didn’t. She stayed with you.
Ellie’s hatred towards the girl grew when the two of you moved in. You were happy. You were happier with Abby than what you were with her. You even started hanging out less. Ellie was losing you, and she didn’t like it. You belonged to her. No one else. But yet you moved in with someone else.
You had never given Ellie an indication that you liked her. Every time she would try and flirt with you, you would just laugh it off and say: “very funny Ellie”. Every move she would try and make on you, you would either laugh it off or ignore her.
One day Dina said “you guys would make a cute couple”
Ellie felt heat spread across her cheeks. She was probably as red at a tomato. Before Ellie could say anything you let out a laugh saying “me and Ellie? Never in a million years” you laughed.
Ellie cried. She cried for weeks. She even tried avoiding you, but like a moth to a flame she always went back to you.
When you started dating Abby she was filled with jealousy. But she had no right to be jealous. You weren’t even together.
One winter night, a night Ellie knew you wouldn’t be home, she decided to pay Abby a visit.
“What are you doing here?” the blonde asked her. “I’m here to make peace” Ellie lied. Abby let her in with a shocked expression.
“I’m actually surprised” Abby spoke, as soon as she turned her back towards Ellie, Ellie pulled out a knife stabbing the blonde in the back. Abby let out a groan, as she turned around to face Ellie, the knife still in her back. When she faced Ellie, Ellie brought out another knife bringing it into Abby’s stomach. Abby’s eyes widened, blood slowly dripping from her wound. Ellie watched as Abby’s eyes roll to the back of her head before she heard your voice.
You weren’t supposed to be here.
“Baby do you think I’d look good with- Ellie?” you asked, surprised to see her here. Your eyes moved from Ellie to your girlfriend bleeding. The dark red liquid already decorated the floor.
And sadly Abby passed away a few hours later due to blood loss.
What Ellie did was unforgivable. She murdered the love of your life in cold blood. “forgive and forget” they said.
You weren’t sure if you could ever forgive or forget the murder of your girlfriend. The girl you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. And what makes it worse was that it was your best friend. The girl who was supposed to comfort you. The girl you trusted with your life.
You hated Ellie. You really did.
“Jesse, can I go talk to her alone?” Ellie asked.
Jesse gave her a sympatric smile: “yeah go ahead I’ll be here when you get back.” Ellie hopped off Shimmer and she started walking up the hill.
When she eventually reached the top, a single cross decorated the hill. You name carved onto it. There were fresh pink flowers, Ellie could only assume Joel must’ve been here.
“Hi” she spoke softly as she approached the grave. Ellie sat down in front of the cross, her legs crossed. “It’s been a while” she chuckled “you really have to stop appearing in my dreams I’m tired as hell, even Jesse noticed I don’t sleep” she laughed once more.
“I got you something” Ellie spoke. She pulled out a pile of letters neatly folded. “You’ve been gone for 203 days she stared. I wrote you a letter for each day.” She spoke softly, afraid that she might wake you up and scare you away. Ellie gently placed the stack of letters beneath the flowers.
She hoped maybe the letters would break down and sink into the ground, and that maybe you’d read it. Or maybe your spirit would come down and read them. She hopes you’d somehow read them and understand why she did what she did. She did it because she loved you.
Ellie has many regrets in her life, but the biggest one was, letting you leave Jackson, without her telling you how she felt about you.
Before Ellie got up she brought her lips to the cross, giving it a gentle kiss. “I’m so sorry baby” Ellie spoke and she got up and left to continue patrol with Jesse.
If I were a mountain, I'd stand my ground
And maybe I'd never listen
But if I were a mountain, I'd close my mouth and
Maybe I'd be forgiving
But I'm not
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not
When Ellie found out you had left Jackson it felt like whole world was being ripped apart.
“What do you mean she left?” Ellie yelled at Maria.
“Ellie she has nothing to live for anymore, it’s better that she goes out and finds purpose”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“You killed her girlfriend Ellie, you are the last person she wants to see”
Ellie was going after you. She was going to tell you how she felt. She marched out of Maria’s office and ran straight to the stables, hopping on Shimmer.
“Which direction did she go?” Ellie asked one of the guards at the gate.
“She went north” he replied.
“C’mon Shimmer move faster” she begged the horse.
There was still time she could still get to you, and convince you to stay. Ellie would finally reveal how she truly felt about you. She could tell you why she killed Abby. She would make you understand.
Ellie and shimmer were running for a few hours before her eyes landed on a familiar backpack. Ellie hopped of her horse, she pulled out her gun walking over to the pink and purple backpack that you carried everywhere with you.
As she approached the bag she heard the sound of a clicker.
*click, click, click*
Ellie turned her head to the direction of where the sound came from and there you lay.
Lifeless.
Ellie let out a scream and the clicker looked at her, and it started charging towards her. Ellie shot it at point blank and she ran to where you lay.
“No” she breathed as the tears rolled down her cheeks as she walked towards your body.
There was blood everywhere, she almost didn’t recognize you. You were bruised. Covered in blood, scratch marks littered your skin.
Ellie went down onto her knees as she took you into her arms, and she let out loud sobs.
This was all her fault.
I'm not a mountain
I can't hold you on my own
I'm not a mountain
I will crumble when you go
There in the square, my arms in the air
And is it so bad to be alone?
I can do it on my own
Is it really so bad?
Is it really so bad?
I can do it on my own
How do you continue living if you lost the love of your life?
Ellie understands now how it felt when you lost Abby. She now understands why you left Jackson.
You were lonely. Empty.
Ellie stood at the gates of Jackson. She sees no point in living here anymore. Everywhere she looked she saw you. Every place had a piece of you and she got sick of it.
Ellie wanted to be ok. She wanted to feel like herself again. She wanted to forgive herself, but she couldn’t. So she’s running away from her problems. Like a coward.
As Ellie walked in the woods she thought to herself, maybe being alone won’t be so bad. She won’t have Jesse or Joel breathing down her neck constantly asking her if she was ok.
Of course she wasn’t fucking ok, why do they keep asking?
Ellie saw a familiar hill, and walked up to it. The letters she’d placed were still under the flowers someone had left.
Ellie lay next to your grave, hoping that someone would come and kill her. Maybe in the afterlife she could tell you how much she loved you.
And hopefully you’d forgive her, and she’d finally get the happily ever she’s always dreamed of.
Authors note: this was long oneeeeee, I hope you all enjoyed, remember you are loved and to always be kind…. My requests are always open feel free to leave one:)
Yours truly,
Zia<3
#ellie tlou#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou x reader#ellie tlou2 x reader#ellie williams blurb#ellie williams drabble#ellie williams#ellie williams fanfic#ellie williams fanfiction#ellie williams fluff#ellie x reader#dark elli william#dark! ellie williams#ellie miller#ellie tlou2#ellie williams angst#ellie williams fan fic#ellie williams fic#ellie williams hcs#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams one shot#ellie williams oneshot#ellie williams promlt#ellie williams the last of us#ellie williams tlou#ellie williams tlou2#ellie williams x fem reader#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x reader
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Jen, I know everyone in the fandom goes nuts over Alex saying "I love him on purpose." but this never made any sense to me. Love is not something you plan and create a purpose for. It sweeps you. What does this mean because I don’t find it that profound? I just find it confusing.
Firstly, thank you for your patience with me on this. Yesterday was a long and tiring one and honestly I'm fed up with work right now so am doing something nice with my brain.
So.
Love, as a word, is both a noun and a verb. It is a thing (an abstract noun if you're interested) and it's a thing you do, you show. This is why love is also a choice.
You're right when you say that love isn't something you plan for, but you do plan with it. And love can have a purpose.
Henry talks about wanting Alex "the whole time" - he saw Alex pretty much across the room and had a reaction to him so visceral that he was determined to... well...
I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen, and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me. I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.
This is very much 'love at first sight' for Henry. But it isn't the love that Henry talks about in the V&A. It's not the love they share in the LA hotel room, the email exchanges, the photos they take to mark the courtship. The love that Henry feels for Alex at that point is not this love. It can't be.
Same for Alex: the way he felt about the prince in the magazine, the boy who kissed him in the garden, it's not the same love that puts him on a flight to London to storm Kensington. It's not the same love that gets him on a plane with Zahra after their outing.
Both of them were very much attracted to the other, wanted more from the other, but in between their hook ups they shared stories and bits of their lives, let the other in to their fears and their worries. They build a relationship on top of the physical desire.
So now we come to love.
As a noun, it is a thing they have for the other. It is the thing that settles in their heart and will drive them to do what they do to and for the other. And that is love as a verb. It is an action, a choice they make.
And it's a choice they could not make.
We saw it best with Henry: years ago he saw a boy at the Olympics and knew that the reaction he had towards him could be the best and more dangerous thing ever... and so Henry did nothing about it. He kept Alex at arm's length, didn't try to strike up a friendship so he could have something. He stepped so far back that Alex took umbridge with it and started the feud between them.
But once Henry did something, put love into action, it started another action and another one and another one and another one. Over and over the boys made choices: Alex choosing to accost Henry in the Red Room; choosing to go to the polo match; to Wimbledon; the night in LA; the storming of Kensington. Henry choosing to talk to Alex about his family and the expectations placed on him; telling him his truth as best he can in stories about princes and armour and rooms in the palace; the conversation in the V&A. Choosing to embrace the outing and own his truth.
They both have love as a noun, it is a thing that they have and feel for the other. And they both have love as a verb, it is something they do for and with the other.
And that is why Alex says he loves Henry on purpose. Because he is making the active choice to be with Henry, to forge a forever with him. To accept him for all that he is, dark corners and all. He's not trying to fix Henry, he's not trying to make the shadows go away. When he realises how dark Henry's moods are he is just there for him, with him. That night he just slots into place with Henry and isn't trying to tell him that it's all going to be OK.
Alex is choosing to love Henry. He isn't taking his feelings, pushing it down and doing nothing about it like Henry tried after the Olympics. You have to choose to do an action, and choosing to do nothing is also an action. So Alex flying across the Atlantic to be there with Henry, to support him after the email leak, is him making a very deliberate choice. He doesn't cut and run when it gets hard. He's not backing off. He is deliberately, on purpose, saying that Henry is his choice. That he is going to do something with this love (as a noun) that has taken up home in his chest.
Whether you find this profound is a personal thing, but for Alex it is profound. This is the moment he says something, out loud, that this is forever. He and Henry have talked around it, talked about it in quiet moments where they laid everything out after the V&A. But that was between them. This is something more, at least for Alex. This is him making it clear to Bea, the sister that Henry loves so much that he begged her to get sober so he wouldn't be alone. The sister who loves Henry so much that she did just that.
But it does mean something. Alex is taking his love-as-a-noun and turning it into love-as-a-verb and that is something he has to do on purpose. He has to want to do it, he has to choose to do it. And he does. On purpose.
#jen answers stuff#anonymous#overthinking jen is overthinking#firstprince#alex claremont diaz#prince henry of wales#henry fox mountchristen windsor#red white and royal blue#rwrb#otp: history huh
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cont.
her outings to the city have become more and more frequent. the beach is a good place for hedonism, but there's only so much alcohol, drugs and sex can do for her before she grows tired of it. she usually goes for the jewelry stores, the museums so she can steal artwork for her room, the theater so she can play the piano that she can't fit in a car to bring home. although she can appreciate the beauty of nature, it hasn't been her usual destination.
today, it's just what she needs. she hasn't had any sleep since the game last night, and she wonders if it's the tiredness in her bones or the scenery around her that's making everything look and feel softer ━━ the golden sun rays invading the pale blue of the sky, the singing of the birds, the colorful trees reflected in the water below. it's beautiful. it's quiet and the closest to peaceful she's felt in a long time. she wishes she had a camera, a notebook, an ounce of artistic ability to capture this feeling somehow. all she has is her memory, so she just sits down and lets herself take it all in, attempts to fit all these colors and shapes and sounds into her mind.
" yes and no. i was actually supposed to catch a flight back home the night i ended up here. " she wonders if that would've saved her from this fate, but tries not to dwell on it. " i barely had time to see much of the city. too busy with work. " she doesn't mean to complain about her beautiful view from her grand hyatt room, but it would've been nice to have a little bit of spare time. though, in the case of this garden, she suspects chishiya might be right: the magic would be mostly gone with a bunch of tourists around.
" how come you've lived here for however long and you've never been here before? " she finally tears her eyes away from the view to look at him. " that'd be like me saying i've never been to la casa azul. and that's not even a fair comparison, 'cause i didn't grow up in mexico city. " / @sharpsuite
#sharpsuite#SUCH a good place choice#also if you don't want me to continue every ask reply then maybe you shouldn't make them all so good#i'm jk feel free to not continue either lmao#sharpsuite / chishiya.#𝐯 . ❛ la dama. ❜
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Anacharsis Cloots: A Noble "Internationalist" Revolutionary, Hard to Pin Down
To this day, I still don't know if Cloots was a genuine revolutionary—both idealistic and, in a way, visionary—or a great cynical opportunist, possibly even a hypocritical revolutionary. I still can't figure him out. I once discussed Chaumette here, who I consider one of the most complex revolutionaries of this period, but at least I never doubted his revolutionary fervor. He remained clean. Cloots, however, is a different case.
Anacharsis Cloots was born in 1755 in the Duchy of Cleves. His father was an advisor to Frederick II, and his family was elevated to baronial status. He studied in France, returned to Prussia, and after his father’s death, moved back to France. He inherited an enormous fortune, largely from colonial sources. He identified as French. Cloots traveled extensively throughout Europe but hurried back when the Bastille fell. He entered political life, writing pamphlets and contributing to newspapers such as Brissot's Le Patriote Français or Desmoulins' Révolutions de France et de Brabant. He joined the Jacobin Club in 1790, proposing a motion to completely sever ties with the Church, rather than drafting a Civil Constitution of the Clergy, emulating what the Americans had done.
On June 10, 1790, Cloots presented various foreigners in support of the revolution to the Constituent Assembly, including Europeans, Arabs, and Chaldeans. He proclaimed himself the "Orator of the Foreigners' Committee" and declared that the Federation would be a celebration of the human race. According to him, “Twenty-five million free men have awakened the peoples buried in long slavery.”
He corresponded with Joséphine de Beauharnais, saying, “I was at the foreigners' celebration in the tribunes of the palace, as ambassador of the human race, and the ministers of tyrants looked at us with jealous and uncertain eyes. This national celebration transports you two thousand years back in time, by some ancient hue; it also transports you two thousand years forward, by the rapid progress of reason, of which this celebration is the early and delightful fruit.” For Cloots, the French Revolution had to extend beyond France’s borders, and in some ways, he was a precursor to internationalism.
However, he was a staunch supporter of the colonial system and was vehemently opposed to the abolition of slavery (let's not forget that his family's wealth came from the colonies, so was this cynicism, hypocrisy, opportunism, or selfishness?). During the debate between Barnave, Brissot, and Robespierre, among others, Cloots sided with Barnave. Letters have since questioned how Cloots, while claiming to be the "orator of the human race," could support slavery. Initially sympathetic to La Fayette and Barnave, Cloots later aligned with Brissot before denouncing the Girondins as enemies and even taking a shot at Marat in the process.
Cloots expressed deep hatred for the aristocracy and for Mallet du Pan, whom he grouped together with Marat, which is rather surprising. Here’s an excerpt: “March forward and we will avoid the mud of the vile Marat and the infamous Mallet du Pan.” He despised the agrarian laws proposed by revolutionaries like Momoro and later Babeuf. For Cloots, property rights were absolute (to be fair, many revolutionaries, even the so-called “enragés” or "exagérés" know as hébertists, were hesitant on this issue). Cloots believed social inequality was necessary because the rich ensured the subsistence of the poor (a summary of his thoughts by Vovelle).
After the King’s failed flight to Varennes, Cloots declared himself a republican but did not sign the Champ de Mars petition. His reasoning was that de-Christianizing the people took precedence, which seems like an odd priority compared to the petition. Here’s one of his justifications: “As long as the French attend the sorceries of the mass... it will be difficult to cure them of the deception of the royal phantom.” There were French people in favor of de-Christianization who still signed the petition, so his reasoning seems dubious. Meanwhile, Cloots argued for the abolition of nations. He initially aligned with the Girondins on the issue of war but feared the August 10th insurrection. However, after this, he distanced himself from the Girondins.
In 1792, Cloots finally obtained French citizenship. He once again attacked both Roland and Marat simultaneously. He voted in favor of the King’s death without delay, saying, "I know no other sovereign than the human race, which is to say universal reason: I say no." He also declared, "I likewise condemn to death the infamous Frederick William."
Cloots supported more revolutionary wars and aligned himself with the Hébertists, particularly due to their stance on the de-Christianization campaign. He was at the height of his glory when he became president of the Jacobins in 1793. However, revolutionaries like Robespierre began to attack him. In his newspaper Le Vieux Cordelier, Camille Desmoulins attacks Cloots (and Chaumette) "Anacharsis and Anaxagoras believe they are pushing the wheel of reason when in fact it is that of counter-revolution; and soon, instead of letting papism in France die of old age and starvation, ready to breathe its last breath without giving our enemies any advantage, since the treasure of the sacristies could not escape Cambon by persecution and intolerance against those who wish to liturgy and be liturgied, I urge to you to send a force of constitutional recruits to Lescure and Roche-Jacquelin".
Here’s an excerpt from Robespierre’s speech . When Cloots was asked where he came from, he responded that he came from Prussia, "a future department of the French Republic" in his words.
Robespierre’s attack: "Can we consider a German baron a patriot? Can we consider a man with more than 100,000 livres in income a sans-culotte? Can we believe a man who only associates with bankers and counter-revolutionaries, enemies of France, to be a republican? Citizens, do you regard as a patriot a foreigner who wants to be more democratic than the French, and who is sometimes seen with the Marais and other times with the Montagne?" He continued, "There is a third crisis that Mr. Cloots might boast of, but it will only involve fools or scoundrels. I am speaking of the movement against religion, a movement that, matured by time and reason, could have become excellent, but whose violence could bring about great misfortunes, which we must attribute to the aristocracy's calculations."
Cloots was expelled from the Jacobin Society, but he defended himself in writing, saying, "Lepeletier was once a marquis," and "if Marat had been born half a league further, he would have been Prussian." He attributed his misfortune to "loving humanity too much and not enough the cliques and personalities... France or Gaul, you will be happy when you are cured of individuals." He remained optimistic about his fate, remarking, "This speech (by Robespierre) would have had me hanged two years ago, but now it is not very dangerous in the time of organized sans-culotterie... The Abbé de Saint-Pierre was not hanged for his universal aristocracy; I will not be guillotined for my universal sans-culotterie."
However, on December 26, 1793, the Convention decreed the expulsion of citizens born in foreign countries from the national representation. Cloots was soon arrested and imprisoned. At first, he did not despair and wrote a manifesto addressed to "Hommes de bonne volonté." When Vincent and Ronsin were arrested and later released, they reportedly crossed paths with Cloots—though I would need to find the sources for that.
In any case, Cloots was brought to trial alongside the Hébertists, including Momoro, Ronsin, Vincent, Hébert, and others—some were fervent extremists, others were more dubious figures used to further discredit the Hébertists. Cloots remained very calm and defended himself the best. When a juror named Renaudin told him, "Your system of a universal republic was a deeply meditated treachery that gave the crowned heads a pretext against France," Cloots responded, "The universal republic is part of the natural order; I may have spoken of it as the Abbé de Saint-Pierre spoke of universal peace. Moreover, I can hardly be suspected of supporting kings; it would be quite extraordinary if the man burnable in Rome, hangable in London, and breakable on the wheel in Vienna were to be guillotined in Paris." Cloots faced the guillotine with great courage, urging his fellow condemned to die with dignity, reportedly in a calm tone. According to Tulard, he even made a joke to lighten the mood of the condemned, while Ronsin gave the same advice in a much harsher tone. Cloots was said to have worn a wide smile as he climbed into the cart and faced death with good humor.
So, was he just an opportunist, as Mathiez suggested? Jaurès had a great deal of sympathy for Cloots, saying he had a "warm internationalism," while Soboul referred to him as embodying a "bourgeois cosmopolitanism." Perhaps Cloots was all of these things at once, as historian Antoine Resche hypothesized.
Unfortunately, this kind of "racist" internationalism (I put it in quotes because the term didn’t exist, as far as I know, in 1790) would continue even among the most fervent figures on the left. The majority of deported Communards ( the Communards of 1870) supported the repression of the Kanaks and excluded Algerians from the fraternal republic they had dreamed of, a republic for which some had given their lives.
I’ll conclude with Antoine Resche’s excellent assessment of this figure ( in his site Veni Vidi Sensi): "Internationalist and yet a supporter of the colonial system, extremely wealthy, opposed to any form of land redistribution, yet close to the Hébertists—Cloots remains a difficult personality to pin down, but he certainly does not leave anyone indifferent."
Reddit: thanks to @anotherhumaninthisworld for finding in Camille Desmoulins' journal the passage where he attacked Cloots on dechristianization
Sources:
Antoine Resche
Jean Jaurès
Albert Soboul Anacharsis Cloots, l’Orateur du genre humain
Michel Vovelle
#frev#french revolution#cloots#robespierre#georges danton#hébertistes#josephine de beauharnais#history
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