#a first for puck personality content btw

[39oa]

Goal Horn Impressions | Puck Personality

“Can you give us an impression of your goal horn?”

[shinymooncolor]

hey! you don’t have to answer this, but i know close to nothing about hockey and my family and i have never really watched it and i’m starting to get very interested, but i have no idea where to start 😅 what do you think i should focus on first, as a newbie? what should i absolutely know as a fan? what teams are pretty good in your opinion? again, thanks for your help if ever you see this p.s: i really love your posts and they bring a smile to me face, so thank you for your hard work! <3

Hi!

Ohhh well. First of all. Welcome to the nerve wracking, nail biting, jaw clenching, gut wrenching, heartbreaking and utterly incredible world of (ice) hockey. Angry muscle machines on skates chasing a tiny rubber puck in the nhl and their goddess equivalents in wnhl - what’s not to love?

You’ve decided on a hell of a year to join. Due to Covid, the normal system was paused and a recent bubble playoffs series played and later won by Tampa Bay Lightning a few weeks ago. The new season would’ve begun last week but is currently expected to start around December.

I’d say the best starting point would be to watch some games - YouTube has a lot of highlights, game compilations etc. and browse hockey tumblr. Hockey tumblr is a great combination of hockey gossip, game reviews, fans sharing their love, passion and (hateful) opinions about players, clubs and the sport in general.

My personal team faves are a handful - you see, the league is “split” into two conferences - east and west and within here a few other divisions dictating who the teams will play on a more recent basis. The clubs in the nhl being split over North America and Canada means a lot of ground to cover and therefore it’s split like this - time zones, distance and whatever. So maybe decide on a conference first? East or west.

I’m an eastern conference gal meself, but the west sure has its merits too.

So. Teams. You’re about to start a rumble here 😂

I am a personal fan of the Pittsburgh Penguins 🐧 they play good hockey, in spite of their idiot general manager (I’ve got posts detailing why he’s an ass hat extraordinarie). They’re captained by Canada’s hockey savior, Sidney Crosby: hockey robot, yellow crocs enthusiast , triple gold member (youngest captain to get all three?) and the goodest boy in the league. He’s been heralded as the next great one yada yada since he was about 5? And shot pucks into a dryer back in Canada - with that came a lot of shit for the poor guy who, in his own words, just wants to play hockey. And he’s good. He’s got his team of French Canadian d-men (letang, dumo), a whole lot of goalie drama which seems to be a pattern and his Russian (husband) assistant captain Evgeni Malkin who’s got the cutest kid, a really cool wifey (seriously her insta is 10000 better than geno’s own) and a wicked sense of humor which he conviently hides behind his “English big bad today” excuse to avoid media on a daily basis (he’s played this card since his wild escape and temporary defection from Russia back in 2006) seriously google it. It’s wild. They’ve won three cups since 2009, they’re contenders in the playoffs most years and their pr department provides some hilarious videos of captain Canada and his Russian (husband) A. It’s a true love story. Sue me. We’ve got an intense rivalry with philly and the caps. Seriously. That orange flyers jersey is intense - even if philly’s mascot is the next president.

Funnily enough, my strange obsession with Russian hockey players have led to the most disturbing but developing club crush on the Washington capitals who are the penguins’ nemesis.

I mean, this club led by the one and only gr8 8 mr Alexander Ovechkin is a rollercoaster of emotion and hot daddies in skates armed with sticks and a murder Swede.

So. Washington caps used to be a joke in the league until they went and drafted mr ovechkin first overall, brought him to the capital and let him do his thing. He’s got a rep for being a hell of a lot of fun on the ice (if you’re on his team) and one of those players that people love to hate (even if they can’t take away how freakishly good he is at hockey) - look up his impossible goal(s)! He’s an exuberant, fun loving Russian with a heart of gold and a missing tooth. In 2007, the caps went shopping for a center just for ovi who needed a playmaker and a slap shot feeeder - they went and drafted the Swedish angel (maybe assassin) (Lars) Nicklas Backstrom - and the purest hockey marriage was forged. The actual words (we needed a center for ovi and ovi wanted backstrom) have been said. Yes, these two Are now famously the mama and papa of the caps and they have a roster of unruly (and handsome) hockey babies with the fighting menace Tom Wilson, bird impersonator and Russian cat Evgeni Kuznetzov and a whole army of other adorable (albeit hockey playing menaces) babies. Most recently they had the leagues daddiest daddy goalie Mr Holtbeast as the fun and handsome canadien cowboy uncle but he’s ventured to Vancouver to adopt a new group of hockey babies. To compensate, the caps went shopping in New York and brought the one and only king Henrik from the crease in msg to be the goalie mentor for baby Russian caps goalie and to keep the daddy energy flowing.

(Seriously why are Swedish players part time models? Their national team strategy is to be so handsome the other teams are distracted. It’s a thing. Look it up)

I also love a handful of other players on other teams (I really don’t dislike any team in particular - but you’ll meet some dedicated and strong minded fans here)

Erik Horse Johnson, Cale Makar and Nikita Zadorov (Colorado Avs - zad have recently been traded to the blackhawks (not sure how I feel about that). Phwucking fun team. Who needs teeth anyways.

Marc Andre Fleury (Vegas now but hell always be a penguin to me)

The Russian gang in Tampa - and giant Swede victor Hedman (seriously he’s massive)

The canes (Carolina) and their collective of Finnish and Russian babies (aho, svech) with chaotic Marty and former penguin Baby Staal as captain

And a whole lot of others too. It’s hard to choose.

The Dallas stars and the most precious bean of them all (Russian) dobby - Anton khudobin their backup goalie turned playoffs hero and fashion icon. The man said we’re not going home and threw the entire team on his back and dragged them to the final. And their homoerotically charged captain and his alt captain and their Hollywood epic soap worthy relationship. Stallions, people, Stallions...

Btw we like to project our brash queerness onto this league. You’ll learn why quickly. There’s only so much talks about hot hands, slick moves, eternal love for teammates and quite frankly obscene (sexy) amounts of kneeling, roughing (let’s face its it’s just aggressive cuddling) and teammates honorably defending teammates.

Anyways. I love hockey. He. Sorry.

Fun fact I’ve dragged @canesinthecrease kicking and screaming into the hellhole that is the caps and I’m working on convincing @dontpuckwithme about the incredibly sexy thing that is Russians and Canadians being secretly married in Pittsburgh.

Great, sexy, amazing, cool, smart and wonderful hockey ladies to follow for even more amazing content on more clubs (the hurricanes - also a team I’m starting to love). They’re my queer sherpas and emotional support network.

Hope you can use this dear (new) hockey friend and mutual 💖🐧

[shittybyrons]

because my notes on my fics are CLEARLY a national treasure here is my amazing notes i left on the top of the doc for this fic. i apologize for any incoherence these were for myself, but apparently i am funny so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ WARNINGS FOR notes on racism, specifically against those of asian descent. between the chinese characters (note to myself) and "lasz if you don't..."

blue, purple and red are discord convos, blue is sola, purple is me, red is jercy

i have no idea how to do read more i am so sorry

“He can do the SPLITS he’s got amazing hair he’s so cute w his gf”

“AND he's Good Friends with THE eric bittle”

Do u think chowder would have a hockeyblr

if only to flail about the sharks

YES and bitty tweeted abt him so much!

Bc he’s such a fan of the sharks + he’s got exactly the kind of bubbly personality to run a big blog

lmao he doesn't specify his identity

and so shenanigans ensue

SECRET HOCKEYBLR

and he's the biggest sharks hockeyblr too

chowder would clap BACK at ppl who mess w jack though

there is DRAMA bc he never mentions chris chow

and "oh no sayusharks doesn't like chris chow"

imagine chowder’s had this blog for years, making stellar sharks content and sharks content p much only, and then Jack graduates and his blog abruptly starts posting tons of Falcs content

falcs AND sharks content

Everyone’s like “BETRAYAL callout post for sayusharks, he started liking snow more than chow”

what if he eventually posts a selfie

and people are like "THAT'S SO FAKE"

Drama route: no one believes it’s him, THEN they accuse him of either being a puck bunny or stealing it from a private insta

does sayusharks post about group content that includes chowder tho?? 🤔

yeah!

just not individual chowder content like everything else

actually i think it would be hilarious if there was no selfie he just makes a super long post on tumblr

What if sayusharks only posts chowder content when the face is like,,,, Johnson-sized and unrecognizable except for the fact that it’s the goalie

"this has been in my drafts since i signed my contract and i've finally decided to tell you guys some stuff about myself"

This is player’s tribune essay material

something something joke about bitty appreciating the jack zimmermann ass tumblr

For chowder’s sake it’d be adorable if he posted this long text post after he signs his contract extension? So he rlly does know that he’s gonna get to be in the nhl a while

maybe he originally writes it when he first signs his contract but edits and posts it after the extension

A time capsule of tiny chowder

www.sayusharks.tumblr.com

Don’t feel obligated to write posts chronologically!!!!!! You got this Laszlo!!! :))) ✊

martin jones gets a career-ending injury before contract signings happen in 2018 and the second and third strings fill in for the rest of the season KENT PARSON’S FAULT

as a lover of all goalies (save the really really assholey ones) this pains me

my poor crease sons ;-;

微攻击 from sharkiesharkieshark benne kétezer tizennyolc

infantilization - basically yeah what you have there, "omg my precious goalie child," "look at his baby face," "i wanna adopt him"

asian nerd stereotype - "damn he's looking at that puck like it's his calc homework"

asian ninja/magic sensei stereotype - "chow's like a ninja out there, i bet he has mad kung fu powers" (this is more blatant if they do this kind of thing and patchwork together different asian cultures

lasz if you don’t tag this “one (1) goalie was harmed in the making of this fic” you’re cancelled

mk so the Final Straw of sharkiesharkieshark is their response to the nickname FTG “oh no why is chow FTG he is such a sweet baby boy how is he terrifying at all” BULLSHIT BTW CHOWDER IS TERRIFYING LOOK AT THAT DUDE HE COULD STAB YOU WITH HIS HAIR

jones gets hurt november 24th, game goes into overtime and dell has to take over

option A: chowder is barracuda (ahl sharks) first string for like a month, jonesy gets big time injured so chowder gets pulled up in november, deller prob would still paly a couple of games but maybe he's not doing so great so deller becomes backup and chowder is starter

why actually write when you can talk about the things you learned as research for your writing

chowder signs a 3 year contract, which can only be extended in the last year. the “thank you” speech thing will happen after his signing in the preseason

i'm imagining that first interview with a beat journo like "hey welcome to the team chris, how's the locker room been? have the guys given you any nicknames so far?" trying to give a softball question that won't make chowder stressed and

chowder's like

idon'tknowificantellyouthatonlivetv

"what the fuh is a futguh"

lmaoooo

please i will include that

oh my god

sharks fans be like "oh jeez our new goalie just short circuited during his first star of the game interview. good to know he's carrying on jonesy's tradition of robot goalies"

his NHL-sona is very nice and bubbly in interviews but on ice he is Scary with a capital S. he is a Very Very good goalie. He did not complete his senior year at Samwell, instead got signed to the AHL, and then in November of his 1st year the shark's starter goalie had a career-ending injury (kent fucking parson). the shark's backup goalie became the starter goalie and chowder got called up and became the sharks' backup goalie. however, the former backup goalie wasn't a good starter so they switched him for goalie. this all happened within the first five months of his professional career. you can write from any time between these events and three years into his career, when the fic is set to end

[chowder's gonna mention tumblr?]

yes but like,,, super vaguely

or maybe he jokes about the great tumblr purge

bc that happens that season

i don't know yet

but it'll be like "IS CHRIS CHOW MENTIONING US"

"DOES FUTGUH HAVE A TUMBLR"

really fill out “in this house…” it is only barebones rn

postgame reporter: your teammate XYZ had himself an awesome night tonight, just what did you see from him out there?

chowder: yeah XYZ was amazing, had two great goals, i saw some really good gifs of the spinorama he did to set up that second goal

sharks hockeyblr: ASKLFJASKDJF;KASDKJFASLKDJFKD 🚨🚨🚨

never forget fuhgate

I FINISHED MY FUCKING FIC

hockey tumblr vs chowder

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 37 - ANA - Still Kicking

Two teams come into this game with two straight regulation losses: only one will come out with a W! I did some digging into past blogs and I discovered something weirdly encouraging: the Sabres came into this game after losing two games in a row in regulation. That’s not the encouraging part. The encouraging part is that this is only the second time this season the Sabres have lost two in a row in regulation and the last time was the 6th and 7th games back in October! Yea, there was that five game losing streak right after the big olde ten dubs but the Sabres played good in four of those and collected points in three. Kind of like Friday night in Washington when Buffalo played well but was just not rewarded for it. Last night in a tilt against the Anaheim Ducks the Sabres looked good again, this time in they looked good the kind of way that makes you excited for the postseason: the consistent way. Maintaining a narrow lead for most of the game the Mighty Sabres of Buffalo pounded out a hard fought win in front of a very merry sellout home crowd. Last game I just asked for a nice sendoff before the Christmas break and evidently my letter reached the North Pole because I got what I wished for! I must be a good boy. Of course it’s fair to say it’s the Anaheim Ducks and in spite of where they sit in the Pacific Division their just not that great a team. Yea, that’s fair. But within that shaky framework are a few pieces that won a Stanley Cup more than a decade ago the year the Sabres should’ve been there to meet them. And it’s also Christmastime so maybe just let yourself be happy about a win for goodness sake!

Having gone home for some Yuletide prep with the Fam I watched the first period on MSG TV next to my dad like it was 2011 all over again. Jolly. The Sabres came out immediately throwing the pressure on the Ducks, shots after shots after shots, and the visitors just kind of held on through it. John Gibson was clearly a big part of it. Jack Eichel got a chance, Tage Thompson got a good chance, friggin everyone hopped on the sleigh and got a chance. The Ducks did get to testing Linus Ullmark a little bit as the period went on. Then the Buffalo Sabres gave us their Christmas present to us: a rare gift that, barring another wicked win streak, is a truly meaningful gift to those of us who watch this team a lot: a powerplay goal. Set up in the offensive zone Jack Eichel got the puck to Rasmus Ristolainen who continues to be on a line with the other big Rasmus: Rasmus Dahlin to make Rasmus Squared. Risto got it to Dahlin who you could tell sized up a quick pass back to Eichel but instead skated toward Gibson and just rockets it in five hole. The noise of the home crowd was very audible. Funny thing, I think Dahlin happened to also go five hole on Reinhart who was doing an excellent job screening Gibson. That goal came a tad over three minutes left in the first period and nothing terrible noteworthy happened before the first horn sounded except an almost fight. Jeff Skinner must have been doing some trash talking with Ryan Getzlaf (which makes a ton of sense btw) because Zach Bogosian came rushing over like Getzlaf was about to punch a puppy. No puppies were punched and the second period began similarly with volley after volley of Sabres chances.

Ondrej Kase had a scary breakaway early in the second but didn’t get past Ullmark. There was an almost goal for Jack and Jeff that you could see how pissed the two were that they didn’t finish it. I don’t know about you but as the last minutes of the second period ticked by and the Sabres took a 1-0 lead into the third period there was a nervous energy. Now I’m listening to the radio broadcast en route back to Buffalo and I can’t help but get that feeling something is going to go south. The Sabres were on the penalty kill to start the period and once again the kill was strong under the guidance of Chief Killer Bogo and his newly returned co-conspirator Jake McCabe. Adam Henrique almost sneaked in a wraparound as the PP died but no line was crossed. The Ducks started to pour it on now. Three straight regulation losses is rough and they didn’t want it either. Linus Ullmark really got into the zone facing shots from just about every angle. And then, like getting the gift you’ve been asking for on Christmas morning, Jeff Skinner got the puck and skated in around the outside of the net and roofed it close quarters short side on John Gibson. 2-0 Sabres with 8:48 left in the third period. Insurance if I’ve ever seen an insurance goal. Small but massive note: that’s Jeff Skinner’s 26th goal this season. With that he beats the most goals a single Sabre scored last season at 25 whom Jack Eichel scored in an injury shortened season. Pretty unreal, eh? Seven or so minutes later as the Sabres increasingly push back against the Ducks the visitors pull their goalie and Conor Sheary finds the empty netter. The time ticked down to zero and Linus Ullmark’s second NHL career shutout and eighth win of his first season working part-time in Buffalo. The Buffalo Sabres win 3-0 over the Anaheim Ducks sweeping the season series with quacks for the first time since 2010-2011.

Now as the Sabres navigated that perilous 1-0 lead as the Ducks came at them hard early in the third period there was something far more worrisome afoot in Key Bank Center. The play-by-play call by Rick Jeanneret went more or less silent with a confused sounding Rob Ray trying to do color commentary and play-by-play for a time. Eventually, well known Sabres social media guidepost and pre/postgame host Brian Duff took over the color commentary somewhat awkwardly, but RJ did not return for the duration of the game. While officials for the team said an update on him would be given once more was known a few folks at the game said they saw RJ carried out on a stretcher. WGR 550 reported shortness of breath and heart problems. It was a difficult night trying to think about writing this while worrying about someone who embodies this franchise perhaps more than Gilbert Perrault or Alexander Mogilny. RJ is literally the longest serving NHL play-caller in league history having been with the Sabres since 1971. Think about that, if you’re under 20 then one or both of your parents were probably not born yet when RJ first took the microphone as their guy. He may deserve a banner in the rafters more than Danny Gare. Well, the update the Sabres delivered this morning was very encouraging saying he is resting, doing well and looking forward to being back after the Christmas break; but what he apparently texted to the Athletic’s John Vogl this morning is perhaps the most heartwarming message and weirdly accurate of where the team is at on the ice right now as well:  simply “Still Kicking.” Incredible.

Now we go into a Christmas NHL break and a roster freeze to go with it. The Sabres play again on Thursday in St. Louis where they will meet Ryan O’Reilly in the better situation he was looking for… oh wait. All kidding aside, I want the best for O’Reilly. I have tickets to his return to Buffalo on St. Patrick’s Day because I know fun games when I see them. I will post a Amerks Angle for December after Christmas but before that game so if you just cannot wait for more content then you got something to look forward to: but if you are that person, well why haven’t you commented your words of yuletide encouragement!? Yes: comment, like and do share this blog on social media and amongst family and friends with holly jolly spirit! And just think about where you were with this team at Christmas last year: probably just about tapped out considering the season was pretty well dead already. What if I told you then the Sabres would be third in the Atlantic division nine points up on a playoff spot in spitting distance of the Maple Leafs? You probably wouldn’t believe me but if you did you would sign up for it in a heartbeat. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and very glad tidings to you and your kinfolk! Let’s go Buffalo!

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Conor Sheary joked about his empty netter not counting after the game. If he starts scoring again after Christmas maybe it will count a lot in retrospect.