#a few people dropped off in the last 24 hours so I’m just under the amount I need to make rent

[regal-bones]

I’m £2 from making rent due Sunday! if 2 of you would hop onto my patreon that would mean a lot! There’s some huge, really huge stuff I’m planning to share only there this week. Like, biggest stuff of my career big. If you don’t wanna miss out, pls go check out this link! ❤️

I am not kidding when I say the video is gonna be the coolest showcase of a lot of work all in one place. Thank you for supporting my work, and letting me make this stuff

[hippolotamus]

another installment of what I'm calling the cleopatra series. this time from Eddie's POV because I got in my Buddie feels. part 1 here 💙

late for the love of my life | 7x06 Coda | 912 words | G

“Hey, how was it?” Marisol wraps her arms around his waist, giving him a peck on the lips. 

Eddie barely suppresses the urge to flinch and turn away. Which is maybe a tad dramatic, except for the way it isn’t. Because the past 24 hours have held more than a few revelations. None of which Eddie is ready to share. 

Despite the layers of clothing between them, his skin tingles and crawls where she touches him. If he didn’t have years of experience being exposed to fluids, substances and people he didn’t want anywhere near him, he thinks he would have wrenched away from her by now. No, he definitely would have. But he’s a professional at hiding his personal reactions, both on and off the job. 

Yes, he’s made progress in therapy, but the instincts to hide himself, to put up walls and masks, are still easily activated. Handy for moments like now, when he can’t escape his girlfriend. Or when he has to smile big for the crowd and pretend the perpetual feelings for his best friend don’t exist when said best friend barrels back into the room all lovestruck and covered in soot from his boyfriend. 

“It was good. Really nice, actually.” That much is true. Because it was. Honestly, the whole hospital room chic was perfectly Maddie and Chim. 

“Nice?” She asks in a teasing tone, squeezing tighter and clinging to his torso like a koala. 

His breathing is acceptably even but the urge to peel her off, to tell her that she should probably go home because his heart rate is skyrocketing, his fingers and toes are tingling, and he’s beginning to feel claustrophobic is anything but. His built in panic mode suspects there isn’t enough Jell-o in the universe to undo this. Again, dramatic, but he thinks he’s within his rights to think so right now. 

“Yeah, I-” He pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezes his eyes shut and inhales as deeply as he can manage. “Y’know, I’m, uh, still feeling a little worse for wear from last night. I should-” He doesn’t even finish the sentence, just points vaguely in the direction of his bedroom. 

Marisol’s relaxed ���welcome home’ look turns concerned as she furrows her brow and holds the back of her hand to his forehead. “Are you okay? Do you want me to stay? I should probably stay over in case you need–” 

“Really,” he interjects, backing out of her hold, “I’ll be fine. Just need to sleep it off, I think. You should go. Home. To your place.” Smooth, Diaz. “I mean, because I’ll probably be restless, y’know?”

“I can sleep on the cou-”

“No,” he says more forcefully than intended. He should be grateful she wants to stay and take care of him. He should. He is. But not the couch. Not… Buck’s bed. His place. Their place.

“Oh.” She takes a step back and he should probably feel worse about the way she looks so dejected. “I, um, I understand. Talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah, talk tomorrow.” 

Tomorrow when I’ve had a chance to reset. When the twin alcohol and love hangovers have hopefully, finally died off. When I’m not seeing an endless mental projection reel of reminders like Or, y’know, you could have mine. Then why are you in hospital jail? Stay with me, Buck. Him choking on blood. You saved him. Abby. His fiancee is Abby. Showoff. My blood on him. Hey, Buck. You think you’re expendable. They’re all dead. I, uh, misunderstood the assignment. Three minutes and seventeen seconds. She sees me. It was a date. 

The front door clicks in the latch and he immediately turns the deadbolt, noting how his pulse drops to a debatably more normal range. He wants to settle on the couch, under the covers in his bed, both and neither all at the same time. In the end he migrates to the kitchen, which really shouldn’t surprise him. 

He runs his fingers over the backs of the chairs, circling around until he’s standing between the table and main counter. Am I one of the things that makes you sad? So now am I allowed to ask how you are? But you do eventually - you process it? 

Eddie turns toward the fridge, drawn to Shannon’s photo. He plucks it from under the magnet, running his thumb over the glossy print. 

“Can never quite get my timing down, can I?” He huffs out a wet chuckle. “God, I wish you were here right now. I could really use someone to talk to.” 

If it wasn’t after midnight he would probably drive himself to the cemetery to sit on the stone bench. To talk to someone that can’t talk back but would nonetheless tell him what an idiot he is. To unfairly water her grave with tears shed because he always thinks he has more time. You might have noticed I almost died. Again. And then I thought, this is it. This is the last day of my life. We’re all going to die alone. That’s what she said to me and Hen. 

Truthfully he’s not sure who he’s thinking of more — Shannon or Buck — as he slides to the floor, still clutching her picture, beginning to sob and shake as the words I love you so much flash like a neon reminder of his poor timing. Does it really matter? Because either way he’s missed his chance. 

But I guess it’s your mess now. 

Part 3 (Buck's POV)

[lemonmaggot]

First Moments in Grief

Summary: Cole is the only ninja who can understand what Zane is feeling after the passing of Dr. Julien.

AO3 link:

Fic below the cut (1,995 words)

It had been over 24 hours since the Ninja had heard from Zane. He had gone to visit Dr. Julien in the morning. Usually, when the nindroid visited his father, he would return by sundown. With Ninjago in peace, and his father getting older, Zane spent the day with him as often as possible. He was weak. Everyone knew that it was only a matter of time before he passed again. This time though, Samukai would not be there to receive the inventor. That fact is why Cole worried when Zane did not return at his usual time. Only one thought swirled through his head. His greatest fear for Zane. That Zane was in the spotted forest, his father dying, and Zane could do nothing but watch as it happened. He would be grieving alone. No one should have to go through that alone. The other ninja tried to assure Cole that Zane was fine. He must’ve lost track of time then it was too late to be out traveling at night. But it didn’t make sense. They were ninja. They all felt comfortable in the shadows of night.

Cole paced around the deck, worried for his friend. He should send Zane another message. Before Cole could reach for his phone again, he heard a heavy clank on the ship. He whipped his head around, seeing Zane stepping aboard. His arms hung limp and his head leaned forward, swaying with each step he took. “Zane!” Cole called out, practically leaping with long strides over to the robot. It was perfect timing, as Zane collapsed forward and Cole was able to catch him. Cole let the weight of Zane’s head rest against his shoulder as he hooked his hands under Zane's armpits.

“He’s gone…”

Cole’s breath caught in his throat. He needed no clarification. Cole looped his arms around Zane and squeezed the nindroid. Zane’s arms lifted and ghosted around Cole’s midsection, before dropping to his sides again.

“Let’s get you somewhere quiet,” Cole suggested softly. Zane weakly nodded but made no effort to move. So Cole lifted the ice ninja off his feet and hooked an arm under his legs for easy carrying.

Cole carried Zane below the deck of the ship. The pair passed by the gaming room. Inside they heard the muffled voices of Jay and Kai yelling as they played. They argued that they would win this round. Lloyd interjected every once in a while that clearly he was going to beat both of them. Cole was relieved that the others were distracted by their games. As much as he loved them, he wasn’t sure they would be of any help to Zane. They couldn’t understand how Zane felt at the moment. Not how Cole could. They couldn't understand the prolonged suffering of the inevitable end. The end that still takes you by surprise, even as you watch it approach. Cole brought Zane to their shared room. It wasn’t the most private spot, but it was better than nothing.

Cole gingerly laid Zane on his twin-sized bed and sat beside him. Zane didn’t move from the position Cole laid him in. The usual light in his eyes was gone and his face showed his default position.

“I see now why my father erased my memories last time,” Zane murmured, his voice glitching. “I-” Zane hesitated and looked up to Cole. “It hurts… physically.”

Cole nodded his head and lay beside Zane, facing the robot. The bed was cramped but the ninja had long forgotten what personal space was. “I know…” Cole mumbled. “I’m here for you Zane. You can talk about it if you want. Or we can just… exist together.”

Zane nodded and stayed silent for a few moments, staring at Cole. “I feel empty,” Zane stated after a long pause. “In films, I always see people sobbing when their loved ones pass… I am equipped to cry tears. But I just…”

“Feel like there’s an empty pit inside you?”

“Yes… precisely…”

Another moment of silence passed. Normally, a room filled with this much silence and Zane’s intense staring would be awkward. Rather than anxiety, there was an air of understanding.

A few tears slipped down Zane’s face, falling to Cole’s plush pillows. “How did you feel after your mother passed?” Zane asked. “How did you deal with it?” Cole had vaguely mentioned it in the past, but was always quick to change the subject. From what Zane could tell, her death was relatively recent in Cole’s life. “You don’t have to tell me… I just… don’t know what I’m supposed to do now…”

Cole closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Zane’s assumption of the timing was correct. “I ran away from home,” Cole began. “My dad was distracting himself in his own ways, so I decided to find my ways.” Cole opened his eyes again, meeting Zane’s icy blue stare. “I tried climbing mountains… with no gear… the fear of falling to my death if I slipped kept my mind off of it. I don’t think it was very healthy for me. That’s when I met Wu. He said he was looking for me. I didn’t understand what he truly meant. All I knew was that it was a change of pace, something new to distract me.” It was strange to think about. If his mother had not passed, he would not be here at this very moment. Lying beside one of his closest friends in the world. “At first, being at the monastery was lonely and it made me feel worse... All I could think about was how I didn’t even know if my mom would be proud of me or not. But then Wu brought you and Jay back…”

A small smile crept onto Cole’s face as he recalled meeting Zane and Jay for the first time. Zane was mysterious. Jay was a blabbermouth. “It… was a nice distraction,” Cole hummed. “Rather than having a death wish, Jay distracted me with all his terrible jokes. You distracted me with your wonderful food. But…” Cole’s smile faded as he gulped. “Sometimes the sadness would just… randomly strike me. I’d see a simple flower, not even a lilly, and it would make me fall apart. Even when a second before I felt at the top of the world…”

“I see…” Zane hummed. “How come Jay and I never saw you cry? You were certainly more serious when we first met but... I would have never guessed that you had just lost someone so dear to you.”

“I didn’t want anyone to see me like that,” Cole sighed and shook his head. “Not even in a weird toxic masculinity way. Just… I didn’t want to bring you two down. Plus it felt weird, I guess? To cry and tell someone I had just met that my mom was dead… I don't even talk with my dad about it.”

“I would have supported you, Cole,” Zane assured.

“I know you would’ve, Buddy,” Cole agreed. “But I wasn’t sure back then. I didn’t even know your favorite color. I knew nothing.”

Zane nodded and a comfortable silence fell upon them once more. After a while, Zane finally broke his gaze from Cole’s face. His eyes looked to his knee that brushed against Cole’s, slowly stealing the warmth from the Master of Earth.

“Sorry,” Cole murmured, pulling his leg back.

“No, no,” Zane assured. “It felt… nice.” Zane looked back up to Cole who seemed to be analyzing him. “I think I would feel better with more contact. When you hugged me earlier, it also made me momentarily relax.”

Cole nodded and without a word, he pulled Zane into a close embrace. Zane slipped an arm under Cole and hugged the larger man back. Wrapped in the loving, warm embrace of his teammate did make him feel better. Zane sighed and closed his eyes. He snuggled closer into Cole’s chest, his ear pressed to the muscular body. Faintly, he could hear Cole’s steady heartbeat.

Zane felt a sharp spike of pain as he remembered how yesterday he listened to his father’s heart thud as Cole’s did now. Only for it to fade, grow weaker until…

Nothing.

No air filled his father’s lungs. No blood flowed through his body. His heart did not beat. His head, once full of so many ideas, now contained no activity.

Zane gasped before an onslaught of tears poured down his face, soaking Cole’s shirt. Cole’s grip around Zane tightened, holding the nindroid closer. This must have been what Cole mentioned. How even the smallest of things, that were vaguely related, set him off.

Zane twisted his head so his face rather than his ear pressed against Cole's pectoral muscles. He couldn’t stand to listen to Cole’s beating heart any longer. Zane refocused his attention on Cole rubbing circles into his back. He needed to focus on anything else. Whatever it took to forget the feeling of hearing his father’s heart beat to a stop. Zane squeezed Cole tighter and Cole returned the squeeze. Cole’s strong arms helped Zane feel grounded. He was safe in Cole’s big arms. Nothing could stop this bubble of serenity.

“How long did you feel like this?” Zane whimpered. He didn’t care that it had only been a day. He wanted it over now. How was he supposed to protect others when he felt so miserable?

“I still do,” Cole answered, leading to another sob racking through Zane’s body. “I still miss my mom every day and it still hurts. The only thing is that now I’ve learned to live with that grief.” Cole looked up from his dear friend and to the pot on the windowsill which grew flowers. “I like to do something that honors my mom every day,” Cole began. “Even something small, like how I make my tea… I make it exactly how she liked it. It’s how she taught me. That way she’s always with me.” A tear slipped down Cole’s cheek. He bent his neck and buried his face into the top of Zane’s head. The white hair collected his few tears. “It helps. The days that I feel like I can’t go on without her are getting further apart. I can remember her again without crying every time now. But I’m still grieving.” Cole sniffled and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “I’ll never not miss her… she’ll always be important to me. Now I continue forward, it’s what she would have wanted for me. I know she’s proud of me…” Cole hiccuped as more and more tears fell from his eyes and wet Zane’s white hair. “I know your dad is proud of you too,” Cole quavered.

Zane nodded his head, refusing to speak. He knew his language model was glitching. Even with his eyes closed he could see various system error warnings. Dr. Jullien had equipped Zane with the capability for complex and intense emotions. However, it seems he had not expected Zane to become as sentient as he was. Zane assumed his sentience had something to do with his unique power core. Perhaps it was due to the previous ice elemental visiting Zane and his father before he passed. Zane would never know for sure. His old parts simply could not handle the intensity of it all.

The two held each other as they cried. Even as the sun set and their tears dried, they held each other in a tight embrace.

As the hours passed, the other ninja grew worried. Not only from Zane’s continued absence but now from Cole’s disappearance. When they finally checked their shared room, they found the two asleep, still curled up to each other. Seeing tear tracks on Cole’s cheeks, they could only assume what happened. The most likely option was the truth. They could wait until the morning or until Zane was ready to tell them. For now, the two were left to rest.

[bangtansocean]

Roommate's Prohibited List: Three

Content Table: 01 l 02 l 03 l 04

THREE

“Where did all this rain come from?!” You complain to yourself as you close the front door with your hip, both hands busy carrying your grocery bags.

“You need help?” A second voice startles you, dropping one of the bags on the floor as you turn to the place where the voice came. 

A tall, pink haired guy stands by the door frame of Yeonjun’s bedroom. He stares at you as he slurps on his instant ramen, blinking repeatedly as he struggles to keep himself awake. The bags under his eyes make it more than obvious that this man has not slept in the last 24-48 hours. 

“I got it, thank you,” You reply in a slightly harsh tone due to your annoyance with the crazy weather, but offer him a smile which he reciprocates. 

“I gotchu,” he says, walking towards you as he picks the fallen bag up, placing it on the kitchen counter. “Sorry I couldn’t welcome you last night, I had a long shift.” He excuses himself. “I’m Yeonjun.” He places the now empty cup of noodles next to the bag as he helps you unpack your groceries and places them on your designated shelf. 

I’m pretty sure I said I don’t need help, you say to yourself as you stand next to him, mimicking his actions as you place everything where it's supposed to be. You both work in silence, finishing to put everything away faster than you thought you would. “I’m y/n, by the way.” You present yourself after you realize you haven’t. “Sorry, the rain got me in a mood. I hate getting wet.” You excuse yourself this time, which makes him laugh. 

“No worries, I can help you unpack the rest of your boxes if you need an extra hand.” He offers kindly, which this time you don’t reject. 

The few boxes you left on the hallway are the ones that are too heavy to carry by yourself, so an extra hand would be more than useful to you right now. 

“Thank you, that would be nice.” You smile back at him. 

Yeonjun gets into moving your boxes right away, carrying them with ease to your room. 

Once they are all in your room, he begins opening the boxes and helping you sort where everything goes. To be honest, you weren’t expecting him to help you organize everything, but you are thankful for his company, and competence. 

You engage in small talk and quickly learn that he is in the medicine major, which explains the I-haven’t-slept-in-3-years kind of look. He gives you all the tea about Beomgyu, and tells you about his crazy ex-girlfriend that almost moved in with them, instead of you. 

In less than an hour, you find a friend in him, confiding in him to talk about everything and nothing as you both work efficiently. “What about Soobin?” you ask, genuinely curious to have the big question answered. 

“You met him already?” He asks, as he throws an empty box from your bed to the corner. “He’s a cool dude. We get on each other’s nerves a lot, but he’s like a brother to me.” He nods to himself, a smile appearing on his face as he thinks fondly of his friend. 

“Is he Beomgyu’s pass friend?” You ask shyly, instantly regretting it when Yeonjun sits on your bed next to you, his body frozen as he looks at you deadpan. 

“What? You like Soobin?!” He snorts, trying to keep his laugh to himself which he fails to do. 

You panic as he covers his mouth with his hands, finding the situation hilarious for some reason. 

“Why are you laughing? And no. I was just asking!” You roll your eyes at him while folding your clothes, placing them in the correct pile and avoiding eye contact with Yeonjun who is still laughing by himself. 

“Sorry, it’s just funny to think of someone actively having a crush on Soobin. He’s a weird ass dude, I think he’s asexual or something. Allergic to people, almost.” He chuckles again. “But yes, he is Gyu’s free pass.” He grabs one of your hoodies and folds it, “and if he wasn’t Gyu’s he would probably be mine.” He shrugs, “So yeah, he’s off limits.” He giggles again. “Not that it matters, I’m sure he would never even think about being around you like that, no offense.” 

Offense: taken.

“Ouch!” You say half-joking, hurt at his choice of words. 

“I didn’t say it because of you though, it’s him! He’s been single for the whole time I’ve known him. Such a complicated guy. He’s waiting for the right one, or whatever.” He exclaims exasperated. “We’ve tried to get him laid, and we almost succeeded a couple of times, but he’s so stubborn! and picky as hell.” He rolls his eyes, annoyed at the memory of his friend rejecting every single girl who has ever shown interest in him.

“He didn’t seem like that to me. He was so smile-y and nice.” You frown. Soobin definitely seemed like a guy who knows what he wants, but he never came across as stubborn or anti-people as Yeonjun portrays him to be. 

“Smile-y?!” Yeonjun laughs again. “He must be sick, or plotting some twisted revenge on me, or Gyu. Who knows, maybe even against you for making him deal with your boxes!” He throws a shirt at you which you throw back harder, laughing at his younger brother-like antics. 

Yeonjun helps you fold the rest of the clothes before organizing them inside the closet, indulging in more small talk about the many memories he has made while living here. He takes his cardigan off, the red crop top coming into view that matched his red belt that held his black ripped jeans in place. For someone who seemed so professional and a future doctor, he sure had the style of a rock star.

-

“So who is your free pass?” You slurp on your instant noodles, sitting with your legs crossed on the floor of your own bedroom. 

Yeonjun moves around the noodles of his second cup of instant noodles of today, blowing on them before taking a handful to his mouth, answering with his mouth full. “Huening Kai.” He swallows. “It used to be my ex-girlfriend, but obviously that’s changed.” He huffs. “He’s in the medicine field with me, a second year.” 

You listen to him attentively as you indulge in your noodles, nodding as he continues to tell you about this new mysterious friend Kai. 

“You’ll probably meet him soon, we should be having a gathering in the house on friday so we can all properly meet.” He announces before taking another handful of ramen into his mouth. 

“Oh,” You reply, “Am I Invited?” you ask shyly, feeling slightly left out of the plans that were happening and you had no idea about them.

Yeonjun looks at you deadpan again, his cheeks full of food as he rolls his eyes before replying. “Stupid,” he drops his chopsticks on his cup and proceeds to push you lightly on the shoulder. “We’re literally having the meeting because of you, think of it as a welcome party of some sorts.” He shrugs before taking the chopsticks again and finishing his ramen like a hungry animal that hasn’t been fed in months. 

The idea of a welcoming party makes your heart flutter. You really hit the jackpot with these roommates and with the new place. You are extremely thankful to Monica and Mingyu for making this happen for you. 

The rest of the evening you enjoy Yeonjun’s company, moving to his room to watch some T.V but eventually ending up in the living room playing video games on the collective playstation he, Soobin and Gyu bought together. 

“Oh you guys are awake,” Beomgyu walks through the main door, a drenched umbrella in his hand as he smiles once he realizes you guys are playing his favorite game. “I didn’t know you played y/n!” 

He quickly removes his shoes and runs towards the couch, snuggling next to you as he takes an extra controller. “Let me in!” He speaks loudly, turning to Yeonjun who is sitting on your left side, too focused to listen to his roommate. 

“He’s almost dead, you can join us after,” You whisper to him, and continue watching Yeonjun play, as you have already died way earlier in the round.

You’re surprised at how well Yeonjun plays, carrying your team till the end of the round, eventually dying on a 1v1. “Nice try Junnie,” Gyu encourages him. “Now let me in.” 

You laugh as he sits up, connecting his controller to the game. 

The small chit-chat between your two roommates lets you dive into your thoughts, which most were about Soobin. It’s not that you wanted to think about him, but for some reason you couldn’t bring yourself to think about anything else. 

Maybe I just need to get laid, you think to yourself. It could be that your body has gone crazy after seeing the tall, handsome, prince-like guy, awakening a feeling you haven’t had in almost eight months. However, you’re unsure if getting laid would get rid of the butterflies you get in your stomach everytime you think about Soobin. 

-------------

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Taglist: @yogurttea @jeonsfizz

[tomholland1996simp]

We gotta go! || Tom Holland

Pairing: Tom holland x youtube!reader

Summary: The reader doing the ‘Starting an argument then having bad period cramps’ prank on her boyfriend Tom.

“Hey everyone, I hope your all doing well.” You smile into the camera that was set on the counter as you started your intro to your youtube video. “Today i’m going to do a prank on my boyfriend Tom. As you saw in the last video Tom had done a prank on me, where he was mean to me for 24 hours. So now this is a revenge prank, Tommy” You laugh a little into the camera.

It was true he did a prank on you and he acted like a dick, well mean for the whole day. He did apologise after though as you did get upset, you forgave him. “Someone did request this in my last video, so thank you for the idea. Toms in the shower so I have to be really quick.” You set the camera up so you can see the whole room, mostly the bed.

You go close up to the camera one last time, “I can’t wait to see his reaction, we have planned to go out with his brothers and his friends, so he probably expecting me to be getting ready-“ That’s when you hear a knock at the door, Tom entering as you jump into the bed going under the covers.

“Babe you in here?” He opened the door, his hair dripping wet, luckily he was wearing his grey joggers. “What?” You say tiredly.

“Sorry, I thought you was changing” He chuckles a little closing the door, using the towel to shake his hair to make it damp. Sliding his T-shirt on, he throws the dirty towel into the washing basket. “We gotta go” He tells you.

“No” You snuggle more into the covers.

“Angel, we gotta go!”

You try to hold in your laugh, “I don’t want too” You whine like a child.

Tom chuckles crawling onto the bed, “What do you mean, you don’t wanna go?” He moves the covers trying to get a better look at your face, kissing your cheek.

“Tommy, I just don’t wanna go”

“Get up lazy” He jokes, moving a strand of hair from your face. “No! I don’t wanna go” You raise your voice a little, Tom frowning a bit but he stands up trying to get you out of bed.

“They miss you, baby” He was talking about his brothers and friends, you hadn’t all hanged out in a while and it was true they missed you a lot.

Once he pulled the covers off you, you acted annoyed more. “Stop, seriously Tom. I don’t wanna go!” You tell him, hearing him say how he will carry you like a princess.

“Wait, Why you being mean?” He sadly asked confused why your mood had changed, earlier you was excited to go out with his brothers and friends and now your saying you didn’t want to go.

“I’m not being mean, If I don’t wanna go I don’t wanna go” Your now sitting up looking towards the camera and then back at Tom.

Tom sighed moving to the other side of the bed, “You knew we was going out all day, I thought you was excited to catch a few drinks with them” He goes to touch your arm to help pull you up, but you back away.

“Don’t touch me!” You yell at him, slapping his hand away from you. “It’s not funny I don’t wanna go, Thomas” You run your hands through your hair, noticing Toms face drop. You never call him ‘Thomas’, only when your mad or pissed at him you will.

“I hear you but I don’t understand why. Are you feeling well?” He was concerned that maybe you felt sick and didn’t want to tell him.

“No, I just don’t wanna go and talk to people. Leave me alone” You roll your eyes, laying back down and turning away from him, your back now facing him.

“You don’t have to talk to them, just come hang out. They miss you, they haven’t seen you in a while. They miss your pretty face” Tom sits down kissing your cheek and all over your face.

“Can you not kiss me right now” you shove him off you, sitting back up when he gets off the bed confused and upset.

“What did I do? What’s wrong?”

“Your just all in my face, pissing me off”

He walked over to his phone, checking the time. “We told them we would be there for 6, we’re gonna be late y/n/n.” Tom jumped back onto the bed, cuddling you to try get you to go or at least tell him what’s wrong. Then he laced your hands together rubbing his thumb across your knuckles softly.

You wanted to break then, he was being so nice to you when your being moody, starting an argument. “What did I just a ay about touching me?!” Moving his hand out of yours.

“Why you being mean? what’s wrong?—Is it that time of month?” He chuckles a bit, knowing how you get during that time. You never really tell Tom when your on, he just kind of knows. “No” You whine moving away from him as he sits up a little.

“Yes it is” He smiles, grabbing your arm.

“okay get off me. Seriously, stop touching me! I literally just asked you to not touch me” You snap, him moving away placing his hands on his thighs.

“Is it that time of the month?” He seriously asks wanting to know if it was because of that and not because your mad at him. “I know it is”

You try your best to not smile at him as you sit up once again. “It’s not and it makes me mad when you say that!” Slapping his chest a little, turning away.

“It is though isn’t it. Babe you could’ve just told me”

“It’s not” Tom laughs smiling at you being mad at him, “Don’t smile at me it’s annoying”

“Oh but that’s so sad though.” He still smiles.

“Why?”

Smirking a little, “No more quickies in the bedroom” This made your cheeks go red, if only he knew you was recording. You knew you would have to blurt that out of the video for the kids sakes.

You smile a little smacking his chest, “No Tom, stop. That’s why last night you was rubbing my stomach, why did you think you were doing that?” He actually did that last night.

“Yeah true, i thought you was kidding”

“No, I was not” You tell him, playing with your fingers.

“I thought you wanted some action” He jokes again, you hide the smile that he was starting to pull out.

You sigh, “No, you can just go without me” Laying back down sadly, he came and joined you.

“I’ll rub your belly for five minutes then we can go?” Tom suggests trying to make the situation better, you then move forwards in pain, clutching onto your stomach.

“Ow, ow, ow. I’ve got such bad cramps” You pretend to be in pain and start to cry.

“I’ve got you baby. You should’ve told me it was this bad” He pulled you into him placing a hand on your stomach to rub your belly. Now Tom felt really bad, he thought you was messing around with him wanting some loving affectionate attention. When really you are in so much pain.

“It hurts so bad” You cry into his arms as he rubs your belly soothingly.

“I know, baby. I wish I could take all the pain away if I could. You want some tablets?” He offered, knowing what you would need during these times. You nod your head as he heads out of the room going to fetch some.

“Guys he’s so sweet, I feel so bad I was being so mean. Tom I love you so much and i’m so sorry your the best boyfriend ever” You whisper as Tom comes rushing in with a glass of water and some tablets for you. “Tom it’s okay just go” You cry again, whining when you feel a “pain” in your tummy.

“No, i’m gonna tell them that we can arrange it for another day. I’m not gonna leave my girl alone, i’ve got to take care of you” He grabs his phone going to text the boys group chat, now you wanted to end it. He was being way to sweet.

“Wait, no, no. It was a prank. I’m joking” You laugh grabbing his phone as he stood by the bed.

“Wait, what?”

You wrap your arms around his neck, his going around your waist. “I’m so sorry, Tommy. I’m sorry for being mean to you it was just a prank, I wanted to see your reaction your so sweet. You was so kind to me after I was rude. I love you” You plant a kiss on his lips, finding him cuter than ever right now.

“That was a prank, I was so worried that you was actually in pain. Babe” He whines, knowing he got tricked again by revenge from the last prank he did.

“I’m sorry, but last time you made me cry. I love you though” You kiss his lips him kissing you back.

“I love you too, but wow princess, you got me. Seriously we gotta go” Tom chuckles, kissing your lips one last time before grabbing his things.

“Wait I need to-“

“You can fix your makeup in the car” He cut you off knowing what you was going to say. Tom grabbed your things, linking your hands together as you finish your video.

“Stay safe everyone, let me know other ideas to prank Tom”

“Noooo!”

[starleska]

So, I was casually perusing through your naughty tag and... WHY AM I JUST NOW REALIZING THAT YOU'RE THE DIAMOND CUM WRITER??? I MUST HAVE READ THAT YEARS AGO.

It's inspired, really. I've heard of fantasy genitalia before, but never fantasy cum in that manner. However did you think of such a thing? 😆 💎

hahahaha, surprise!!! 😂😂😂 yes indeed, i am the writer of the infamous Rouxls Kaard Diamond Cum™ fic, and i am very proud of that fact 😉 going to pop the rest under a readmore, just for the adult content! little bit of fandom history in here 🔥

thank you so much!! honestly, i think Breaking the Rouxls must seem extra-weird now in current fandom climate, but i can tell you exactly why i came up with this concept. i wrote the fic very shortly after the first chapter of Deltarune released, as i was fixating hard on Rouxls and was so fascinated and delighted with his design and character. Tumblr felt similarly: there was an enormous slew of fanart for the Deltarune characters, and we were all quite insane because none of us were expecting the game to release!! remember, we had no idea what Deltarune even was, and Toby just casually dropped it on Halloween in 2018 👀

Rouxls in particular received loads of fanart - of course, because he’s a Tumblr Sexyman 🥴 because we'd only had the characters for a short period of time, artists were experimenting with the Darkener aesthetic: how to play with light and what the physiology of these characters may be. one recurrent motif we saw for Rouxls in those early days - even with the nsfw content - was to see him with a kind of jewel-like body, or with a crystal shimmer to his deep-blue skin ✨ i think this came about for a few reasons: his regal form of dress and archaic way of speaking; his grandiose theme song and the light-beam, glittery sound effects which accompany him; and of course, his awesome Hip Shop theme with the little sparkles coming off of him 🥰💖 one way or another, Rouxls quickly became associated with jewels and gems!!

now, this was just before Tumblr's nsfw ban, which came into effect on the 17th December 2018. the Deltarune characters were the last characters to be lewded extensively on this site, as far as enormous fandoms sweeping the blogsphere go. and i’ll be honest: i saw countless interpretations of Rouxls and his body during that time, and there was some really stunning ideas with him having a kind of crystal/glass cock. i was desperate to write some nsfw for Rouxls, and whilst the premise came easy - an obnoxious Lightener trapped by the Duke of Puzzles in his dungeon - i wanted to add an unusual flavour (besides, of course, the fun of constructing Rouxls’ broken Early Modern English 😂). so i went with xenophilia/monsterfucking ideas, and thought...how does his body work? what kind of genitals does he have? and then i thought...what forms in the dark, and under immense pressure?  crystals. gems. diamonds.  so yeah, that was the thought process 😉💖 all these years later, i’m still really proud of that fic!! it was such a joy to write (i think i wrote it in a highly-caffeinated 24 hour period), and it reminds me, when i’m getting bogged down with other writing, to loosen up and have a bit of fun. it’s a relic of an era of fandom which has sadly ended, but i’m really pleased that so many people enjoyed the fic then and now. Rouxls deserves even more love honestly 🥰

[incorrectjane-andthedragon]

Undertaker: A fic. The Sequel to The Mysterious Message

This fic starts roughly 24 hours after the conclusion of The Mysterious Message. 

Magnus often paced to gather his thoughts, so Gunther awakening very early in the morning to the sound of regular footsteps downstairs was far from unusual. What was unusual was the frequency and intensity of the footsteps. Magnus was pacing with a rabid quality, like an animal trapped in a cage. His low growling voice floated up the stairs. 

“No need to worry myself…the tree. The tree.”

This didn’t happen unless something was really getting under his skin. Gunther knew he should make himself scarce before his father started snapping. 

So he did, sneaking off to the one place he knew he could go for certain: the castle. 

Being surrounded by the massive gray walls and expected routine sometimes made him feel safe, protected. 

But the feeling didn’t last for long. For, after a few hours, he sensed Magnus stalking him like a shadow. This happened all the time, but what didn’t happen all the time was how obvious it was. Magnus rarely got this close to Gunther while watching him spar, he almost never bumped into other people, he certainly almost never mumbled acknowledgements of other people’s existence while peering at his son with bloodshot eyes. 

“Sorry, excuse me.” Magnus mumbled after accidentally bumping into Sir Theodore. Gunther could count the amount of times he’d heard his father apologize on one hand.

“Are you feeling all right?” Sir Theodore asked, ever the diplomat. 

“I am perfectly fine. Is Gunther’s training session over yet?” 

“No, there is still much work to be done. Why don’t you go-” 

“I’m not going anywhere, thank you very much.” Magnus glowered at Sir Theodore, and the sight twisted Gunther’s stomach. Sir Theodore, please leave before he gets angry with you. 

“All right.” Sir Theodore said calmly. He walked away, only for another knight to immediately accidentally collide with Magnus. 

“Watch it!” Sir Ivon snapped. 

“Why don’t you watch where you’re going, you bumbling buffoon?” 

“Why don’t you watch your mouth?” 

Gunther broke into a cold sweat. Why didn’t Sir Ivon ever know when to drop an argument? 

Ivon was still continuing, in spite of how red Magnus’s face was growing. “You ought to respect one of the king’s knights. You can’t just do whatever you please around here.” 

“Actually, I can.” Magnus’s voice abruptly went into an oddly higher pitch, his mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile. It made Gunther sweat even more. “For example, I will be taking Gunther home now.” 

Gunther felt himself starting to go numb, he couldn’t really feel his hands. He’d realized both he and Jane had stopped sparring and openly staring. Jane’s mouth was open as if she was about to interject, but she also looked a little afraid. 

Ivon scowled. “He still has a lot of work to do here. You cannot just come and demand-” 

“Yes I can, I am his father-” 

“Listen-” 

“Is something wrong, gentlemen?” Sir Theodore asked, walking over again. 

Both men started talking rapidly at the same time, looking at Sir Theodore and then back at each other with increasingly ferocious glares. Magnus’s chest was heaving. 

Sir Ivon turned to him again and snarled something, Gunther would never for the life of him know what it was, but he saw Magnus’s hand begin to move. 

Time slowed to a snail’s pace as Gunther watched, frozen. He heard Jane begin to yell. Then he couldn’t hear anything beyond his own pulse. 

Magnus slapped Sir Ivon across the face. 

A brief and terrifying silence froze time. 

Sir Ivon’s bellow broke the spell. 

“WHY YOU-” 

There was more rapid movement, Gunther couldn’t make anything out. He heard the thud of two bodies colliding, saw a spurt of blood. Whose blood was it? Why was he just standing there? 

More yelling, so much yelling. He was running now. Ivon yelled, then grunted. He was trying to wrestle Magnus off of himself. 

Not thinking anymore, Gunther grabbed Magnus’s shoulders and squeezed, trying to heave him off, but it was no use. 

“GET OFF OF HIM!” Gunther screamed, a guttural sound. “LET HIM GO, YOU MONSTER!” 

His father’s only response was a howl of fury that chilled him to the bone. 

More yelling, more people yelling now. Was someone crying? Was it him? 

Hands on his shoulders, squeezing hard. His father, trying to send him a silent reprimand? No, these hands were too warm and squeezing too tight as someone tried to drag him away. 

Whoever dragged him away succeeded, taking him inside. 

During a brief and embarrassing phase, Gunther had experimented with writing poetry. He never got very far and he’d repressed most of those memories  so he wouldn’t cringe at himself constantly, but he still remembered a comparison he’d drawn between the queen’s blue eyes and serene clear pools. 

He wished there was a serene pool of water he could dive into now, and stay there forever. 

She was saying something to him now. 

“Your father has been taken to the dungeon. You can see him, if you wish, but I do not recommend it, and you will not be allowed to see him alone.” 

He nodded numbly. “Understood, my queen.” 

“Had your father been behaving unusually before this outburst occurred?” 

“A little, Your Majesty. He seemed more agitated than usual this morning, and,” he remembered how bloodshot his eyes had been. “I do not believe he slept very well, if at all, last night. I sensed something was bothering him deeply.” 

“Could it have been something to do with the knights?” 

“I do not know.” 

She said something else that he only half-listened to, something that dismissed him. He was glad for that. 

At some point, he found Sir Theodore walking next to him as they left the throne room. He was glad for that. Sir Theodore said nothing, but he didn’t need to. The older knight was scowling, but he knew all that rage was for Magnus. 

“Hello.” Jane said, walking up to them both. She sounded more alive than he felt, but still shocked. 

“Hello. How is everyone else?” 

“Ivon took a beating, but he’s Ivon. Fighting men almost twice his size is his idea of a good time. Smithy saw most of the fight, he’s spending some time alone.” She paused. “Everyone is rattled. Unharmed, but rattled.” 

“Good.” Sir Theodore spoke for them both. 

The rest of the day was a haze, with only pops of lucidity. Everyone was talking a lot. He was asked a lot of questions about the fight, and his father, and he ignored most of the latter. At some point he found himself being hugged. The part of him that registered it let him sink into the embrace. 

Two days later, he walked up to Sir Theodore. 

“I’m ready, Sir.” 

“May I come with you?” Jane asked. 

“As long as you keep your temper in check.” 

She promised she would. 

“May I come?” Sir Ivon asked. His voice sounded funny, since his nose was broken. He said it was worth it, since he’d broken Magnus’s nose in turn. 

“No.” Sir Theodore said firmly. “You risk riling him up too much.” 

Ivon grimaced, but nodded. “I’ll stay close by in case you need backup.” 

Together, the three of them descended into the dungeon. 

Magnus had been placed in a cell. He was cloaked in shadow, the only part of his face that was visible in the dim light was one of his swollen eyes. He swallowed, let out a soft wheezing breath. 

Everything Gunther had been planning to say evaporated. He scrambled to say something, anything, but Magnus beat him to it. 

“Did they find it yet, bastard?” 

Gunther internally groaned. It could refer to about a million illegal things in his father’s possession. The king might as well confiscate the whole house at this point. 

What do I say now? Do I lie and say they found it, see how he reacts? Do I tell him the truth? Wait. He stared his father in the eyes. There’s a strong possibility that whatever it is had something to do with his distress and outburst. 

What could be so important? 

Gunther thought back to the fight. How his father had wanted to take him home, keep an eye on him. 

Ah. He found out what I know. 

“No.” He said half-truthfully. “They did not find the letter.” 

Sir Theodore shifted curiously at the mention of a letter but said nothing. Jane shot Gunther a glance, but she too remained silent. 

Magnus had them all in the palm of his hand and he knew it. Gunther waited for him to smirk, or sneer, or even laugh a little to himself. 

Instead, he stared at them with immense misery in his eyes. He looked exhausted. Furious. But exhausted to the bone. 

He made a scoffing noise. “Then my secrets are kept, then.” 

“No, they’re not.” Jane interjected, practically shaking with loathing. “The letter’s already in the process of being translated. Soon everyone will know what you’ve hidden.” 

He scoffed again. “I don’t care about the letter, I care about what I’ve buried.” His eyes widened as he realized he’d slipped up, but it was too late. 

“Need my help?” Dragon asked as he hovered awkwardly above Gunther’s house. “My claws will be able to dig more than your tiny things.” 

“No thank you, Dragon.” Jane wheezed as she stabbed her shovel into the soil again. She was starting to imagine he was plunging it into Magnus's chest instead. That made this easier and more satisfying. She suspected the other knights digging with her were doing the same. “Whatever is buried on his property may be delicate. Damage cannot be risked.” 

“Tree.” Gunther gasped abruptly, almost dropping his shovel. 

“What?” 

“Before-the morning of the fight, before he left the house that day, my father was muttering to himself about ‘not needing to worry’ and a tree. Something’s probably buried by or beneath that tree.” Gunther pointed a sweaty hand at a small tree on the property, across from them. 

“The tree’s roots will make that impossible.” Sir Ivon grunted. 

“Not if we uproot it.” Jane said, her eyes lighting up. “Dragon?” 

“Mmmm, and what do I get in return for the knowledge you gain?” 

“Free head scratches for a week?” 

“Done!” 

Dragon grabbed the tree by the trunk in both of his front talons, and heaved. Most of the tree’s roots came up with it. 

The uprooted tree shook with Dragon’s wingbeats, causing something white to fall from the roots it had been tangled in.

Gunther screamed. 

Entangled in the roots was a human skeleton. 

Waking up to the sound of her father pacing was not unusual, he often paced to gather his thoughts. She knew he had a lot of thoughts to gather that morning. 

“Kippernia’s not that far away.” She said as she walked past him. 

“Yes it is.” 

“It’s close enough for us to do business with.” 

“Yes, but-“ 

“Father, please. I am nervous about this too, but I can do it. I can.” 

He sighed heavily. “Yes, yes you can. I’m just-“ 

“I know, Father. But I am excited too.” She felt a genuine, goofy smile start to spread across her face. “Magnus is going to be my husband! My. Husband.” She wiggled her fingers as if flaunting an imaginary wedding ring. 

Her father smiled at her, but it was slightly strained. “Yes, he will. I can only hope he will be a good one.” 

“I’m certain he will. He’s so smart, and considerate, and have you seen the gifts he’s given me? I’m just-” she squealed girlishly, thinking of hugging him again, and being able to flaunt him to all her friends as her husband! Husband! AAAAH! 

“I know you will miss me, but I will write.” 

“In our runes?” 

“In our runes. I will never forget my roots.” 

“I will ask you one more time.” Sir Theodore growled. “Who was buried beneath that tree?”

“Where is Gunther?” 

“Whip him again.” Sir Theodore commanded. 

Sir Theodore’s face was grave. “He simply refuses to talk unless you are there. I wish it had not come to this.” 

Gunther steeled himself with a shuddering breath. “It must be done.” 

Magnus looked even worse than before. His wounds from the brawl had barely recovered when his torture had begun, after he’d refused to talk. 

Gunther felt no pity. He scowled. Magnus scowled back. 

“Who was buried beneath that tree?” 

Sullen silence. 

“Enough with the games. Tell me who was buried beneath that tree or I will-” 

“Or you will what?” 

“I-I will have you executed.” 

Magnus retreated back into silence again. 

Gunther felt like his voice was coming from somewhere deep inside him. “Tell me who was buried beneath that tree or I will have you executed, Father.” 

Magnus threw back his head and laughed. When the horrible sound died down after echoing ominously through the dungeon, he spoke. 

We were happy. We were happy. The wedding was lavish, the bride was luminous. I loved her so much, Gunther. I loved her even more once she bore a healthy baby boy. A son. I had a wife, money, and a- a beautiful baby boy. I had never been happier. 

You do not remember him, but my close friend James was there for all of it. We’d known each other for decades, since I was young and he was an experienced merchant several years my senior taking me under his wing. He treated my wife like royalty, and you like his own son. He always wanted to hold you.

Your mother, my wife, didn’t always want to hold you. After a while she didn’t want to hold me either. It took me far too long to discover why. 

I went searching one night, when she didn’t come home when she was supposed to. Watching from a distance, I found her in a tavern, in the arms of another. 

I will never forget what I saw. It is as vivid in my mind now as it was all those years ago. 

I walked home. I waited for her to come home. She did. I let her think everything was fine. 

I don’t know for certain if she died. I tried my best, but I am still not certain. I- I couldn’t bring myself to bury her, I don’t know why. I put her in the ocean instead. 

I don’t know when James started to suspect. Very soon, most likely. He came to the house, played with you, then asked, in that gentle voice of his, what had happened to her. 

I could not risk anything. I worked under the cover of darkness, and the tree I had planted over that spot did its job well. 

Do you see now, Gunther? 

Do you see now, bastard? You have many of my traits, and none of the monster that stole my wife from me, but I have never been able to shake the feeling that you are not mine. I have tried, over and over, to make you prove to me that you are mine. But time and time again, you have failed me and turned to others. Do you see the face of the man who might be your father in the face of that old knight you worship? I know you saw it in the face of the man I fought, which is why I broke his face. 

Ha. Your shocked expression looks just like mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. 

“Breathe, Gunther, breathe.” Sir Theodore kept saying. “He’s back in the dungeon, he cannot hurt you.” 

You don’t understand. He’s already hurt me. Gunther wanted to say, but instead what came out was: “We need more information. We have to go back down there.” 

“We can wait.” 

“No.” He felt it in his bones. “We need to go back down there now.” 

You’re a smart boy, Gunther (just like me). Yes, your discovery of the letter “was the straw that broke the camel’s back” as you put it. Some relative of your mother wrote it. I knew that if you decoded it (which you would, thanks to that damned dragon and that insolent brat), you would find everything. James, and them. You have to understand, I couldn’t have you finding them. 

Gunther recounted this to Jane, who had just returned back from patrol and was sweating hard. 

“Gunther…” 

“What?” 

“I saw an unusual ship on patrol. I think your mother’s family has already found you.”

[imariejoyce]

First Family Outing Together...

I’ve mentioned in my earlier blogs that I’d be going home to the Philippines for a vacation. After almost two years, my whole family was finally going to be together again. I couldn’t hide my excitement. My dad arrived a few hours ahead of me, but my flight was delayed because of the storms that had just passed over the Philippines and Taiwan. Honestly, it was one of the scariest flights I’ve ever had. The plane even had to go back up mid-landing because the wind and rain were so strong. After almost 24 hours of traveling from Amsterdam to the Philippines, I finally made it.

Seeing my family again was the best feeling. There’s something about being with everyone under one roof after such a long time. I spent my first week at home, and I didn’t plan to go anywhere else. This trip was all about spending time with my family. We bonded over karaoke, good food, and endless stories. We were also busy setting up my mom’s new sari-sari store, which was my gift to her. It was simple but so much fun doing it together.

The highlight of the trip was my mom’s birthday on November 21. I booked a five-day, four-night Boracay trip for the whole family. It was extra special because it was my mom’s and one of my siblings’ first time flying. Celebrating her birthday on the island made it even more unforgettable. We had dinner at an eat-all-you-can restaurant and hung out at V-Hub. Everyone was genuinely happy, and I was even happier because it's one of my dreams - to take my whole family on a vacation.

The second day was all about relaxing by the beach. We spread out mats on the sand, swam, and just enjoyed the day. My nephew had the best time playing in the water. I stayed nearby, reading a book, watching them, and snapping some photos.

On the third day, we went island hopping. I rented a private boat just for us, and it made the experience even better. As we cruised around, I couldn’t help but feel emotional. There was something so peaceful about hearing the boat’s engine, the splash of the waves, and the laughter of my family. It was one of those moments I’ll never forget.

After a buffet lunch, we went back to our Airbnb, which had a swimming pool. We all jumped in before dinner, laughing and taking family photos. It was pure joy.

We also booked a land tour around Boracay. I loved waking up early to help my mom prepare breakfast. Those small moments meant so much. This trip wasn’t just about exploring; it was about making memories with my family, especially my parents, who truly deserved the break after everything they’ve done for us.

After the land tour, we treated ourselves to a massage. It was so relaxing that my nephew fell asleep during his. That evening, we hung out in the Airbnb living room, watching Netflix and sharing drinks. My dad and siblings were joking and laughing the whole time. It was the perfect way to end the day.

After two weeks with my family, I spent some time with my closest friends from college. These are the people who’ve been there through everything. We rented an Airbnb in Antipolo with a pool and a beautiful view. We spent the night catching up, laughing, and talking about life. Some conversations were funny, while others got a bit serious, but it was all worth it. Before we knew it, we were all wasted, but the memories were priceless.

During my last few days, I hosted dinners at home with my closest relatives. It was so heartwarming to share stories and laugh together. I also spent time helping my mom set up her store—pricing items, organizing inventory, and making sure everything was ready. Seeing how happy my parents were made all the effort worthwhile.

When it was time to leave, only my parents could drop me off at the airport because my siblings and nephew had work and school. It was bittersweet, but this vacation was definitely one for the books. It felt too short, but I left with a heart full of gratitude and memories I’ll treasure forever.

Now that I’m back in the Netherlands, I’m already looking forward to the next time I get to see everyone again. Family really is everything.

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 24 20 - Fuel

Summary: So, Al's the CO now. Great. Time for a late night snack as he discusses what to do next with his XO and favorite sister.

---

Nothing like a beeping CGM to remind him that despite everything that had happened, he was still human.

Alistair groaned as he filtered back to reality. A few minutes prior, he had been fast asleep, blanket pulled up over his head to block out reality. He would’ve rolled over and gone back to sleep, but it was always a bad idea to ignore the beeping that came from his omni-tool. It wasn’t quite the bad beep yet, but it wasn’t exactly good.

“Damn it all…” He sat up in bed, yawning as he flipped his right wrist over. Even in the dark, he could read the numbers – 62 and dropping with one arrow. “Alright, fine, I’ll go eat something…”

Sighing, Alistair got out of bed, rubbing his eyes and scars. He felt for his hoodie and pulled it on, zipping it up all the way. It wasn’t to ward off a chill, but rather to stave off a wave of dysphoria that came when he looked down after hours. It didn’t hide everything, but it was enough to stave off the worst of his feelings as he glanced around the dark room as he pulled on his shoes.

It was still hard to believe he was in the captain’s office. The Normandy was his ship.

“Keep an eye on the place while I’m gone, Colonel.” He nodded towards the tank near his bed as he passed. Thanks to the fact it was night, his hamster was out and running on his wheel. Colonel Fluffytail stopped briefly, nose twitching, as if he acknowledged the order. Then he was back to running on his silent spinner, clocking in his nightly marathon before burrowing back under the substrate when morning came.

It was good to see he was doing better after the last round of medicine – his wheezing had been worrying.

Seeing his hamster brought a brief smile to Alistair’s tired face as he left his room behind. It was quiet on the other side of the door, mostly because people were either in the sleep pods or on duty. He was glad for that as he made his way to where he kept his secret stash.

It probably would’ve been better to keep it in his room, but… well, he didn’t have a good reason why. Maybe it was just his adherence to the rules?

“I can hear you beeping from across the room, Al. How low are you?”

He was halfway to his hiding spot when Bo’s voice broke his concentration. He turned, seeing she was standing by the microwave, watching it like a hawk. It didn’t take a genius to figure what she was heating up – like him, she was a creature of habit.

She didn’t need a hiding spot, though. Nobody on the Normandy was dumb enough to mess with the family sized bag of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

“It’s only in the low 60’s, I’ll be fine.” He pushed a canister aside in the cabinet and grinned as he spotted a familiar container. “There you are.”

Out came the plastic tub filled with colored sugar. Well, it wasn’t just sugar – mostly sugar, yes, but it also had a significant quantity of citric acid, green apple flavoring, and food coloring. His homebrew mix of pixie sticks was a bit sourer than the commercial variety, but that was why he liked it. Also, it was easier to eat than fighting with the little paper tubes. All he needed was a spoon and he was in business.

Bo nudged a small spoon into his side as he came up. He accepted it gladly as the microwave beeped, signaling her nuggets were complete. She soon had her bag in her hands, but neither made their way to a free table. Instead, Alistair nodded his head towards his room. Without a word, she followed him.

A few moments later, they were settled in. He took the bed while his sister sat at his desk. With Fluffytail running on his wheel, they made quite the party with their snacks and vague sense of exhaustion.

Oh, and existential dread. There was plenty of that too.

“So, are we gonna talk about it or what?” Bo popped a nugget in her mouth. “The low blood sugar wouldn’t be the only thing keeping you up, you can eat that shit in your sleep.”

Alistair paused in his efforts to rip off the airtight container lid to access his sugar. He frowned, staring down at his tub of brightly colored sugar. As much as he wanted to deny it, there was no hiding things from Bo. She knew him far too well.

And… well, he was a shit liar. It came with being a boy scout.

“It’s been a lot.” He managed to pry off the lid and stuck his spoon into the mixture. The first bite made his eyes almost water – he hadn’t mixed it well, so that was nearly all citric acid. Still, it wasn’t bad, just unexpected. “I mean… it’s hard to believe it honestly.”

The Council certainly hadn’t believed them when they had gone to the Citadel after Eden Prime. Part of him couldn’t blame them; it was a tall order to believe anything about what he had seen after touching the beacon.

Still… it was hard to argue with a dead turian killed by his fellow Spectre. Add in the geth and everything else, and they should’ve at least taken him a little more seriously.

“I still think I should’ve punched them.” Bo shrugged.

He shot her a blank look as he took another mouthful of pixie stick mix. “You’re not exactly much help if you’re sitting in a cell on an assault charge.”

His sister smirked as she dug in her nugget bag. “Can they arrest Spectres? I thought we got free reign to do whatever we wanted.”

Alistair was pretty sure punching the people who had just made them Spectres wasn’t exactly covered under free reign. Besides, they were still new. Punching the Council was something a person had to build up good will beforehand so it didn’t end up in copping an assault charge.

“I wouldn’t want to tempt C-SEC, let’s just say that.” He shrugged. “Then again, we do have a C-SEC agent on ship now, maybe he could’ve gotten you out of jail.”

Bo let out a sarcastic gasp, free hand going to her heart. “Are you seriously suggesting that you’d use your connections to get me out of jail, Al?”

His cheeks colored as he ducked his head. “I didn’t say anything about that!”

“I know, you’re too much of a boy scout to pull that anyway.” His sister snickered as she popped another nugget into her mouth. “But it was fun to watch your squirm for a second.”

Alistair felt the sweat drip down his brow and past his scars. He should’ve seen that one coming, but it had gone over his head. If anyone asked, he was going to blame it on the fact he had just woken up and had no depth perception. Then again, it wasn’t like  they had a witness to the conversation that could talk.

Besides, the Colonel owed him one for rehabbing him from the brink of death. That kind of thing earned silence.

Silence fell over the room as they munched on their snacks, taking in the late night occurrence they had long since termed dark biotic breakfast. The last time they had done that, Nihlus had interrupted their meal while looking for his own. It had only been about a week, but it felt like a lifetime the more he reflected on it.

So much had changed in such a small amount of time. He had gone from helping Admiral Anderson to running the show, chasing after a rogue Spectre who had decided to throw in with synthetic lifeforms trying to end the galaxy as a whole. All he had to go on were a few visions and a couple of planets to check.

It felt impossible.

“I kinda wish Anderson was still here.”

Alistair picked up his head. Bo had stopped picking off breaded dinosaurs, and not because she had finished off the bag. Judging by its heft, she still had a decent amount to go. Instead, she seemed to stare off into the distance.

He sighed, nodding. “Yeah… me too. This was his ship. He always seemed like he knew what he was doing. We’ve got some huge shoes to fill.”

“No, you do. You’re the CO, I’m here to pretend to do paperwork and punch things.” His sister shook her head. “Kinda hard to punch a guy when we don’t even know where he is, though. Makes aiming a pain in the ass.”

That it did.

“Well, maybe we’ll get some hints when we get to the Knossus system.” Alistair took another mouthful of sugar – this one was green apple heavy. “I think we’ll be there in about four hours if I’m reading the reports right.”

They were supposed to be looking for Prothean ruins and an expert to decipher what he had seen on Eden Prime. Ruins of the long-lost race were scattered throughout the galaxy, but it wasn’t exactly a complete wild goose chase. It was more of a pissed off goose pursuit, if he was going to be completely honest.

“Right, we’re looking for that T’Soni chick because she’s some Prothean savant.” Bo’s tone was clear on how she felt about that. When it came down to it, she wasn’t really one for history lessons. Asari, maybe, but if they were talking history she tended to tune out. It would be interesting to see how that balanced out. “So, any ideas on the planet yet?”

Alistair put his sugar mix aside in order to prod at his omni-tool. Soon, a map of the system was displayed in front of them. There weren’t a lot of planets to search, but there were enough that it could prove a challenge.

“Well, I’m thinking it might be this one.” He prodded a planet named Therum, noted as being part of the system’s mining facilities. “When I looked into the system’s planets, this was the one that had the best reference to Prothean artifacts. If Dr. T’Soni is anywhere, I’ll bet she’ll be there.”

Bo nodded. “What’s the planet like?”

He poked the details some more, wincing as he took in the information. “Not… great. It’s a little geologically unstable due to all the lava. I’m surprised they can dig at all without risking upsetting the fault lines.”

Not that he was a geologist – he could just read records that people more knowledgeable than him had put together. Add in a bit of info he had learned from his father as a child, and he definitely wouldn’t have picked the site for mining. Then again, maybe they had been desperate. People needing something could get stupid.

Stupid people kept him in business.

“I’m guessing Joker’s not going to be able to get us directly there based on your face.” Bo popped another nugget into her mouth. “So we taking the Mako then?”

When Alistair nodded, she snickered. “So, who’s the unlucky bastard we’re taking with us? You still need to break in Ash and Vakarian to the Alistair Shepard style of Driving like an Idiot.”

Strange how she hadn’t mentioned Tali in that. Guess that was a hint as to who he shouldn’t take with them.

“I thought we called it the Anything Goes School of Driving.” His cheeks colored as he cleared his throat. “And I don’t know yet, I’m still analyzing who would be the best in case things get difficult. Bringing Wrex or Kaidan probably wouldn’t make sense given we bring enough biotics on our own, so either Ashley, Garrus, or Tali would be a good bet.”

Honestly, he would probably narrow it down to Ashley if he was reflecting on their skill choices. She may have been new to the Normandy, but she could handle her own. Besides, she was combat-focused, which would pair well with Bo’s fighting style.

And… well, he hadn’t checked to see if the turian or quarian would be ready to go on a mission with a bunch of humans yet. It got kind of cramped in the Normandy.

“Tali’s still settling into engineering, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” Yeah, because Bo cared about the health of engineering – she was as subtle as a rock to the head. “So, unless you want to scare Vakarian off with your driving, might be a good idea to take Ash.”

Heat flashed through his face. “I don’t think Garrus cares about how I drive the Mako.”

“No, but he’ll be the one fixing it with you when you fuck it up again.” Bo snickered in response. “Hell, you two could make it a date. You’re both tech nerds, you could rough it up a little to have some bonding time.”

Yeah, he was totally going to fuck up Alliance property just to get some one-on-one time with a turian who barely tolerated him. What a brilliant plan. It was amazing he hadn’t thought of it before the conversation…

“I think we’ll go with Ashley.” His tone came out flat as he finally put the lid back on his pixie stick mix. His sugar was sitting in the 90’s, so he was out of the danger zone and able to go back to sleep once he brushed his teeth. “I’ll message her so she’ll know to be ready once we get out of FTL.”

He stood, container in hand. “I should put this back.”

“Oh, come on. You’re the CO, you can keep it in here; nobody’s going to say shit about it.” Bo rolled her eyes as she stole it from him and put it on a shelf above his head. “Besides, it’s technically a medical supply, right? Chakwas said you need to keep energy on hand if you dip low.”

It was…

“Yeah, I guess.” He shrugged. “Are you going to try to get some rest before we hit Therum, or are you going to check out the admin system?”

After all, she was his XO – it was technically her job to handle that kind of thing. Of course, the look she gave him was all he needed to know. When it came down to it, Bo was decidedly analog. She was more likely to break a computer than use it, and definitely wasn’t one for handling stuff like scheduling.

Lucky for her, he could multi-task.

“We both know how that’s going to end.” She tossed her bag in the trash. “I guess I’ll try to get some sleep. Don’t want to fuck up my shots because I’m not seeing straight.”

And that was that. Bo left his room behind, heading for an available sleep pod in order to rest up for the mission. Alistair watched her go before typing a brief message to Ashley in order to let her know she would be on the next mission. Once he clicked send, he sighed and shook his head.

“I am in way in over my head, Colonel.” He felt a thousand years old as he grabbed for his toothpaste in order to get the sugar out of his mouth. “Is it too much to hope that Saren will just show up and allow us to arrest him?”

Probably… but maybe he could get a little beginner’s luck on his side? Was that too much to ask when the fate of the galaxy was in the balance…

Yeah, most likely. Shit.

[itdisneymatter]

Leaving on a jet plane

So its finally time, in just a few hours we head to the airport and we are currently flying out to Orlando, Florida for our first holiday in 5 long years, after much rescheduling since we originally intended to go back in 2019. And of course with that, THE BLOG returns (I am sorry in advance, truly)! This was meant to be posted before now (last night, then this morning, now whatever time zone we are flying across), but the last 24 hrs, nay the whole week has been absolutely choc-a-bloc, from lastminute.com stuff at work to the important stuff like making customised t-shirts, fixing switch controllers and making up snackle boxes (which we couldn’t use anyway because of someone’s stupid stupid peanut allergy).

And since the last time we were there, we’ve seen more than a few changes.

Our “kids” are no longer kids really. Patrick turns 18 at the end of the month and is off the Uni is September. Roberts in studying Advanced Physics and Applied Maths and doing a HNC in Cyber FREAKING Security all while still in six year. And Grace is the only one who is not yet taller than me which I don't think that’ll be the case for very much longer. Oh and fun fact: Grace is older that Patrick was the last time we were here back in 2017… eesh! No more buggies (well not ruling that out completely for me and Ann), and obviously no more tantrums or arguing from the kiddos (lol, I wish).

Old School

Social media, since the last time, has seen a big change. Patrick laughed at me when I told him I was continuing to use Tumblr for my blog, because everyone’s on YouTube, Tiktok or Instagram these days (well maybe not even Insta, I can’t keep up). I’m a terrible speaker so me doing live, unedited vLogs is an absolute no-go. And Tiktok? I’m sorry I just cant, I dont have the actual energy or sanity to plan and film a little skit of me talking to myself, pretending to be another character (seriously can we check on these people I’m worried for them). And the purpose of this blog is mainly to create a somewhat historical record of our events, intended mainly for personal consumption. Anyway, I’m too committed now to stop and this continues to be the format, however boomer it is.

I digress.

So only a short unofficial update today before we start the main event and roll out a rundown of our daily escapades. Michael graciously dropped us off at the airport this morning with our luggage which came in at just under the limit (not looking forward to smashing said limit on the return leg that’s for sure). Check in and security was fairly breezy and managed to get an obligatory pint & some decent Eggs Royale for breakfast oh and a wee sneaky purchase of a nice 14yo Aberlour. This, mainly for me during our three weeks, will also likely be Patrick’s first sip of alcohol EVER, as he won’t legally be allowed to drink until he’s back home and above the country’s legal age limit. Not bad for his first ever drink and sure beats Rolling Rock for a quid or so down at McFly’s in Coatbridge watching Shifter on a school night 😏

Best laid plans

Writing down this last part from the sky above the Atlantic, we have about 4 hours left until we land in Melbourne. I had, rather optimistically planned to watch ALL of The Last of Us and play the Switch at the same time but due to having about 8 hrs of sleep all in in the past 72hrs, and the kids probably not far behind, we pretty much all crashed as soon as we took off. So all in all I’m about two episodes in and had my Switch on for a total of 30 minutes. At least we’ll be rested for when we get there, though will probably play havoc with the old body clock, with an emphasis on old. Absolute belter from Grace because we’ve been plane buddies today - she turned around to me after struggling to get back to sleep at one point due to the noise and said “there’s too many kids on this flight” Oh dear… 😂

Itinerary is locked in (on a nicely formatted Excel spreadsheet I may add), and contains everything from Restaurant prices and happy hour deals down to best snacks and secret hacks at each of the parks. We’ll be kicking things off with Islands of Adventure tomorrow on our first full day (it would have been Magic Kingdom but they don’t do 21 day tickets any more 🤷🏻‍♂️). Once we pick up the car, we plan to head via Disney Springs to pick up our Magic Bands and grab some food (if we’re hungry which we probably won’t be). Then onward to the hotel to get unpacked, grabbing the traditional Starbucks at the Java cafe, grabbing some provisions at Walmart then heading to bed for some semblance of sleep.

Pauline & Kevin have been here since last Sunday too so we’ll also be catching up with them this week and it looks like they’ve had a blast thus far… 😁

Right I’m going back to watching The Last of Us on plane tv and kidding myself on I’m going to get back to sleep, so will catch you guys on the flippity flip!

[seungkwansphd]

she catches crabs by the seashore

pairing: shownu x reader wordcount: 772 summary: you run into this strange, handsome man at the beach a lot. genre/themes: firefighter!shownu, marine biologist/grad student!reader, it’s just FLUFF people

a/n: missing shownu hours open 24/7. also firefighter shownu, doesn’t it just make sense???

    You muttered hushed swearwords and curses to yourself as you waded through knee high water, searching for nocturnal crabs.

“Oh, nocturnal crabs will be a cool subject to study!” you chirped in a sarcastic voice, recalling your own words, “Definitely don’t study a diurnal organism like a normal person!” you grumbled. Your eyes squinted in the dark, following your headlamp as you searched the waters.

“Mornin’ teach!” a familiar voice rang out from behind you, startling you nonetheless.

“Ah sh-,” you cut yourself off before turning to greet the man that always seemed to be running along the beach at the ass crack of dawn. “Ah morning Shownu,” your smile tiredly at him.

“How are things going today?” he smiled at you, sweat glistening across his brow under the moonlight.

“Not so good, can’t find many of my friends today,” you huffed, obviously disappointed.

“You want some help?” he offered, already wading into the water.

“Ah! No, NO your shoes!” waved your hands at him in a panic.

“Ah, that’s not important,” Shownu squinted in the light of your headlamp, “But if you could point your light at the water, that would be good. I’m going blind here,” he laughed.

“Ah, shit, sorry!” you blushed, redirecting your light toward the water.

    For about fifteen minutes, the pair of you muddled around the water, searching for crabs, but mostly failing. You had already been soaked from several failed attempts. You hadn’t been expecting Shownu to be so all-in, but he was somehow wetter than you after a few falls into the water. At the end of it, you had no more specimens to show for it, but were in an infinitely better mood.

“Well, I gotta get going,” Shownu announced, wringing out one last section of his shirt before continuing his jog down the beach.

“Bye!” you laughed heartily before returning to your field work.

…

“Ooh! Another one!” you jumped up and down giddily, dropping yet another crab into your bucket. The weather had warmed up lately and it either made the crabs incredibly relaxed or sleepy, because it was easier than ever to collect specimens.

“Ah! You’re back!” Shownu’s now-familiar voice greeted you.

“Yes!” you turned to beam at him.

“Good day today?” he asked, taking in your bright smile.

“Yes, very,” you nodded enthusiastically, showing him your bucket.

“Hello!” he saluted the crabs before returning his attention to you, “What are you working on with them anyways?”

“Ah, it’s for my graduate research,” you explained, “I’m monitoring population density compared against environmental factors.”

“Huh, that’s cool,” Shownu nodded with a mildly impressed expression on his face.

“It’s not, but you’re kind to say so,” you laughed, “What do you do for work, Shownu?”

“I’m a firefighter,” he answered simply.

“Isn’t that a bit too much of a cliche?” you chuckled heartily.

“What is?” he asked, staring at you blankly.

“Handsome firefighter runs on the beach in the morning?” you’re suddenly overcome by a fit of giggles at the absurdity of it, “It doesn’t seem real!”

“Hm, it doesn’t seem that funny to me,” Shownu grumbles. It’s not until he’s several meters away that he realizes you called him handsome.

…

    Screaming in silence, you think about pulling your hair out for a third time as you process data. As much as you loved science, you certainly would not complain if it involved sitting at a computer and parsing through numbers just a little less. Every so often, as you were entering in crab counts, your mind wandered to the handsome firefighter that had become your fieldwork friend.

    While you’d been absent from the beach, Shownu had kept to his daily routine. At first, he hadn’t been surprised to see you missing as you occasionally missed a day here and there. Towards the end of a solid week without you, he had to admit he both missed and hoped that nothing bad had happened to you.

…

“You’re back!”

    You look up in time to see Shownu pick up the pace as he closes the last few yards between you.

“Oh, yep!” you smile, balancing your bucket against your hip, “Good to see you again.”

“I was worried I wouldn’t see you again!” Shownu laughed.

“Ah, can’t keep me away from these crabs,” you joked, heart fluttering a bit at the way Shownu was looking at you.

“Well, before you actually finish up with your project, can I get your number? I’d love to see you not on the beach. Or on the beach, but not like this,” he tripped over his words, ears reddening.

“I’d love that,” you laughed, flushing.

[littlespoonevan]

Congrats on 7k followers, holy shit. I trust you with any of the letter prompts, but if I had to pick, T. I'm super curious what you'll come up with. =)

aklsdjh alright, friend, you prompted "obscure au" and my mind went to a million different places, none of which i really vibed with. and then, last night, right as i was on the edge of sleep, my mind concocted an idea from fandom days of old:

professional cuddler evan buckley/touch-starved ball of repression eddie diaz

so this is...certainly a thing aksjdhf but also i'm lowkey obsessed with this concept now and i don't wanna let it go so if you could all please let me know if you would read a 5k-10k continuation of this fic, that would be great lmao

-

Eddie Diaz is a lot of things.

He’s war veteran, he’s a firefighter, he’s an (ex)husband, he’s a father.

What he is not, is good at asking for help.

Moving to LA had been an initially impulsive but still carefully constructed plan to snatch back his agency and his role as a father after feeling smothered for so long under his parents’ roof. In truth, he wouldn’t have had any problem becoming a firefighter in Texas but there was a special kind of vindication – a childlike ‘haha you can’t catch me!’ – that came with telling his parents he was moving to California.

And as proud as he is of himself for finally standing up for something he wants, moving to LA has been hard.

Not least of all because he’s got about a vault’s worth of unresolved trauma from his time in the army.

The combination of recently moving house, finally truly living as a single parent – who hasn’t managed to set up proper childcare yet – and beginning a new job as a firefighter has meant the walls he’s so steadfastly built up around himself to hold himself together since he first came home are starting to crumble.

And of course, because the universe absolutely hates Eddie, all of this stress and anxiety has decided to take the form of insomnia.

Possibly the worst symptom a single father who works 24 hour shifts could experience.

Which is why he’s one hundred percent going to blame his sleep-deprived brain for what he chooses to do.

It’s past 3am and Eddie is scrolling mindlessly on his phone when he first stumbles across the ad.

Some people, when they go online shopping at night, buy things they don’t need. Like a Fitbit or a novelty t-shirt.

Eddie…

Eddie buys a professional cuddler.

It’s the stupidest fucking thing he’s ever done but he’s so tired and he’d give anything to just get one full night’s sleep and the ad boasts about how prolonged and consistent hugs can help reduce stress and improve your heart health and before he knows it he’s filling out an application form.

He forgets about it by the time he does manage to finally drop off to sleep for a few hours before his alarm goes off but he’s helpfully reminded the next morning when he receives an email from an Evan Buckley who introduces himself as his prospective cuddle…associate? The email comes with a more detailed explanation of how the process works as well as a list of available time slots Eddie can choose from. Lastly, there’s an attached consent form detailing what is probably the opposite of whatever the hell one puts in a BDSM contract.

And the thing is, it’s stupid.

It was an impulsive decision his exhausted brain found in the middle of the night and he should absolutely just delete the email and pretend it never happened.

He doesn’t delete the email.

-

It’s a Tuesday morning just after he’s come off a 24-hour shift, Christopher is in school, the house is empty and Eddie feels like he’s about to crawl right out of his own skin when the doorbell rings.

Steeling himself, he takes a breath and opens the door to- well.

A stupidly gorgeous man.

The man – Evan Buckley, professional cuddler, he presumes – offers him a smile that rivals the brightness of the sun shining behind him and sticking out a hand.

“Hey,” he greets warmly. “Eddie, right? I’m Buck.”

Eddie stares, dumbfounded, for a beat before his brain catches up with itself and he hastens to shake his hand. “Yeah, sorry. Hi, I’m Eddie. You uh- you can come in.” He lets go of Buck’s hand – it’s warm, just like his smile – and moves back, opening the door wider to let him through.

Buck steps inside, looking around curiously, and Eddie feels self-conscious about the still-bare walls. His priority had been decorating Christopher’s room first and making sure he had everything he needed. Getting a couch and a dining table had been next on the list. The rest of the décor can wait until Eddie’s next pay check. Or next ten pay checks.

When he realises Buck isn’t making a move to go anywhere he scratches the back of his neck, looking helplessly between his bedroom door and the living room. “I uh, I know I signed the form and everything but I’m not really sure how this is supposed to work-?”

Buck’s expression brightens again. “Oh! Well, it really depends on the person. Some people prefer being in bed, particularly if they’re trying to fall asleep. But that feels too personal for some people so they tend to go for a couch or an armchair or something. It’s all about what you’re comfortable with.”

Eddie nods. He has no idea what he’s comfortable with. He still hasn’t quite reconciled that he’s agreed to pay this man to cuddle him, for fuck’s sake.

Buck seems to realise his indecision and his smile is kind in a way that makes Eddie want to duck his head in embarrassment. “You mentioned in your application form that you’re having trouble sleeping. Is it- is that what you’d like help with?”

“I guess,” he replies but he doesn’t sound sure even to his own ears. “I- I just came off a 24 hour shift so I was hoping to catch some sleep before I pick my son up from school later.”

Buck seems to take all of that information in his stride, nodding easily. “Cool. Well, in that case we could go to your bedroom if you’re comfortable? I can’t guarantee you’ll fall asleep first try but even just having your body at rest for a while can help you feel more recharged.”

And, because Eddie is clearly losing it, he nods and leads this veritable stranger to his room.

-

The actual getting-on-the-bed part is surprisingly okay.

Buck is dressed for the occasion, in soft sweatpants and an even softer looking pale blue hoodie, and he lets Eddie take the lead in selecting his side of the bed. However once they’re side by side Eddie feels himself clam up.

“What do you- what happens now?”

Buck eyes him speculatively for a moment and then simply asks, “Big spoon or little spoon?”

Eddie blinks. “What?”

“Big spoon or little spoon?” he repeats, the faintest glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “Once you figure out which you prefer the rest is pretty straightforward.”

Eddie feels himself flush, looking away as he thinks it over. It takes a good thirty seconds to remind himself that he’s paying for this and Buck probably already thinks he’s pathetic for having to hire someone to cuddle him instead of finding someone to be with the normal way, so he only feels a little embarrassed when he finally admits, “Little spoon.”

Buck grins and reaches for him and it’s possibly the most bizarre situation Eddie’s ever been in but he just- lets Buck rearrange them until they’re both lying on their sides. Buck presses right up behind him, pulling the covers up around them and wrapping a secure arm around Eddie’s waist.

Eddie holds himself perfectly still throughout it all, hesitantly settling his arm over Buck’s when he finally stops moving.

He counts five breaths before he has to break the silence, mouth dry. “What happens now?”

Buck hums and Eddie can feel the vibration of it where Buck’s chest touches his back. “Some people like to talk; others just like to lie in silence.”

Eddie contemplates it. He’s never been the most talkative person but he also can’t quite imagine lying here in silence for the next forty-five minutes of their session.

“So. Is this like, your full-time gig?” he asks before immediately cringing. That’s probably against some rule to ask.

Buck just snorts quietly. “Part-time,” he says. “I’m actually putting myself through the Fire Academy right now. I need some extra cash to help with rent until I certify.”

Eddie feels the ridiculous urge to laugh but it thankfully morphs into a yawn at the last minute. “I’m a firefighter,” he says and Buck does laugh.

“No fucking way?”

“Mm,” he hums. “Certified about a month ago. That’s why I moved here; new job.”

“People who suffer from insomnia can find the symptoms worsen under periods of stress or change,” Buck says, gently probing, and Eddie gets the vague feeling like he just sat down with a therapist.

“Yeah it’s-“ he starts, closing his eyes and releasing a tired sigh. “I really love it but it’s been a lot, with the move and everything.”

Buck nods, chin bumping Eddie’s shoulder, as his hand rubs small circles almost absent-mindedly against Eddie’s stomach. It’s around that point that Eddie realises his body has almost completely relaxed against Buck’s, limbs heavy in a way they haven’t felt in a while.

“How do you even become a…cuddler?”

Buck barks out a laugh, the action making him nuzzle into the nape of Eddie’s neck for a half a second. It’s the most intimacy Eddie’s experienced in literal years and he thinks for a second he might black out.

“It’s- I like research binges and a while back I got really interested in the benefits of physical touch therapy. I’d fallen down a love language rabbit hole,” he adds as an aside. “And the short version is I took a course and joined up with the company. I’ve been doing it for about six months now.”

Eddie makes a quiet noise of acknowledgement, staring at the wall opposite him until his vision starts to blur. “It must be a little strange for you though, right? I mean I know you have to fill out the whole consent form and everything but there’s gotta be some weird clients?”

“Not really,” Buck says, voice hushed. “Mostly it’s just been people who feel lonely. Or- or who have lost someone recently and aren’t used to being on their own. Or people who are struggling to sleep, like you.”

Eddie gets the vague urge to point out he’s so lonely he fears he might drown from it but he swallows it back.

Instead he lets the silence settle around them, surprised to find he feels so much more comfortable than he had at the beginning. Buck follows his lead, remaining a steady warmth at his back and continuing to run soothing circles over Eddie’s stomach.

And it’s been a long time since Eddie’s been held by anyone. Even when he came home from Afghanistan he and Shannon hadn’t been in a good enough place to lie like this all that often. But it’s nice, much nicer than he expects. He feels oddly safe in Buck’s arms.

He almost can’t believe it when he feels his eyes start to droop, lulled by the steady rhythm of Buck’s breathing. He’s on the verge of sleep, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness, when Buck’s phone starts vibrating.

Buck silences it almost immediately but it means he has to let go of Eddie to do it and Eddie feels an awful kind of bereft at the loss of his touch.

“Sorry,” Buck whispers. “That was the alarm for the end of our session.”

“Oh,” Eddie mumbles trying to rouse himself, shaking his head to clear the brain fog.

“Hey, no,” Buck says, hand going back to Eddie’s shoulder. “You’re almost asleep. Don’t ruin all our progress now.”

There’s something soft and teasing in his voice and when Eddie cranes his neck to look at him he finds a smile to match his tone. “Stay here. I can let myself out. It was really great to meet you, Eddie. I hope you get some sleep.”

“Thanks,” he replies and it doesn’t feel like enough but he’s too overwhelmed to say anything else.

Buck shoots him one more smile and climbs off the bed. Eddie listens as he puts back on his shoes, as he slips out into the hallway, and then as the front door closes behind him.

And miraculously, before he can think about it too much, sleep pulls him under.

-

When Eddie wakes up there’s an automated email on his phone.

Thank you for availing of our services! We hope your session was a fulfilling and comforting experience. We’d love to hear from you so we can continue to better or services. Fill out the feedback form to leave a review here. Or, if you’d like to book another session, please follow the link below.

Eddie thinks of the lightness in his chest, of the way he almost feels rested for the first time in a month, and clicks ‘Book another session’.

-

[cjsinkythoughts]

In Need of a Breath

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!Reader

Word Count: 4007

Warnings: !FATWS SPOILERS!, Cursing, Zemo, Feelings, Another PTSD Flashback

A/N: So…Part 4 is going to have a couple parts to it. Maybe even three. I didn’t even make it half way through the episode on this one, mainly because I really wanted to fit in the Reader’s backstory and I wanted her and Sam to have a heart-to-heart again. I’m suuuuper tired, so I probably won’t be posting the next part for another few hours (it’s 5 am right now and I haven’t slept), BUT it’s my day off work and I won’t be doing anything I planned because my grandmother had a stroke a couple days ago so plans have changed and I’m staying in to help her, meaning I’ll mostly be writing all day. 

This Part is kind of a mix between off-screen and shot-by-shots, but it’s mostly off screen/what’s going on inside Reader’s head.

I’m really excited about future parts and the characters that are being introduced! I will say that after these parts, I will be doing one shots of previous MCU movies with the Reader, due to the information that is being given about the Reader now. You kind of see more of how she was affected/how she affected the previous MCU movies and what she was doing during that time.

Like always, this hasn’t been beta’d, again it’s SUPER early in the morning, and I’m really tired, so please excuse any mistakes! I hope you guys enjoy this part! Stay tuned for more to come later today!

FATWS MASTERLIST

cjsinkythoughts MASTERLIST

!SPOILERS UNDER CUT!

“You know…I’m really starting to regret saying yes to this.” You huffed out, craning your neck and squinting your eyes against the sun as you stare at the facility in front of you, hating the skin-crawling feeling of being back.

“Would you relax? Whenever you’re nervous, I get nervous, and I don’t wanna be nervous about this.” Sam shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“Do either of you have a better plan?” Bucky grumbled, crossing his arms.

Gnawing on your lips, you finally take the lead and breathe out, “alright. Let’s go then.” You could feel the hesitance from your - what were they? Partners? Coworkers? Teammates? - the fellas before they started after you.

There was a sick twist in your gut as you entered the building, going through the lobby and security.

You had been there.

You had been there when Zemo impersonated Bucky. You had been there when Zemo unleashed the Winter Soldier at the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre Building in Berlin. You had been there during the battle at the airport. You had been there when Zemo turned Tony and Steve against each other in Siberia. You had been there when Zemo tore the Avengers from the inside out. Your family. The only family you’d ever known.

But you’d always been good about pushing your personal feelings aside for the sake of the mission. It’s what you’d been born to do. All you ever knew.

“Hey. Doll. You hear me?”

“Hmm. What?” You looked up from the ground to look into those enchanting blue oceans Bucky had for eyes, staring worriedly down at you, eyebrows pinched and forehead creased.

“I’m going in alone.” You frowned, opening your mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “Sam already agreed-”

“I didn’t necessarily agree-”

“You’re an Avenger, sweetheart.” Bucky tilted his head, speaking softly, those eyes of his worried. Worried for you. It made your stomach flip. “And you were there in Siberia, and that almost makes it worse. Especially considering you went after him. Just…just let me do this, okay?”

You cracked your knuckles nervously as you thought. It was a terrible idea. But it was an idea. And it was all they had. “Okay.” You finally relented, shrugging as your hands hit your thighs and slid up to your hips. “But don’t do anything stupid.”

“Steve took all that with him.”

Knowing about their little inside joke, you scoffed. “Sure he did. Go before I change my mind.”

You watched him walk down the hallway, hands fidgeting with excess nerves. “I think you’re the only one he actually seeks approval from.”

“Good thing I’m so lenient then, huh?” You joked, turning to Sam with a strained smile. Your smile slipped at the curious expression on Sam’s face, his eyes darting to each of your features. “What?”

“Are you doing okay?”

You groaned, throwing your head back. You thought you got out of talking about your feelings back in Baltimore. “Oh my God, Sam-”

“I’m serious. You…you just don’t seem like yourself.”

You shook your head, looking down the hall to where Bucky disappeared before turning back to him. It was weird to have a self that people recognized. Your whole life you’d been searching for it and when you finally found it…everything went to shit. “Honestly, Sammy, the only time I’ve ever felt like myself was with the team. Zemo took that away from me and now we’re here, practically begging him for help.”

Sam hummed, leaning against the wall. “Have you thought of taking a break?”

“What?”

“A break.” At your bewildered look, he rolled his eyes. “Cher, this time last year most of us were dead. This time a few months ago you found out about Wanda. This time last week you were out looking for her. Maybe you should just stop and take a breather.”

Shoving your hands in your pocket and looking at the floor, you couldn’t help but snort at his advice. “I haven’t taken a breather since I was eighteen.”

He clicked his tongue. “That’s my point. FBI academy as soon as you graduated. SHIELD recruit by 21, undercover operations leader by 24? Slow down. You’re in your thirties. Next thing you know, you’re gonna be ninety something, lying on your deathbed, wishing you had stopped to smell the roses.”

“If I live to be ninety, shoot me.” He chuckled in amusement. “I’m so fucking serious, Sam. I will not be put in an old folks home to play Bingo and be pushed around in a wheelchair. It ain’t happening.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” There was that infectious smile, which you unconsciously grinned back at. “Y/N…I’m serious. You’ve been in and out of missions since you were a teenager. What’s the shortest undercover operation you’ve done?”

“I dunno.”

He gave you an unimpressed look. “Yeah you do.”

Licking your lips, you turned away and shrugged. “A couple months. Seven weeks and three days, to be precise. September to October in 2012.”

“And the longest?”

“August 2007 to May 2009. Twenty one months.” 

Letting out a puff of air through his nose, Sam pushed himself off the wall and caught your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. “That’s nearly two years under cover. And I’m sure you went right back under after-”

“I was sitting at a desk for four months doing paperwork on it.” You defended yourself.

He shook his head, brows knitting together, lips drawn down. “You say that as if four months is enough time.”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Sammy. I’m out. I’ve been out since Ultron and Sokovia. I haven’t been under in almost a decade-”

“A decade half the world was dead for half of-”

“I wasn’t!”

“I never said you were.” Sam sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. You were always amazed at his ability to keep his emotions in check. To stay cool under pressure. Sometimes you forgot how experienced he was with dealing with other people’s trauma. It was no wonder why Steve thought he’d be good for Bucky. “Listen. All I’m saying is once this is done…don’t go diving back into searching for Wanda. Don’t go running to the kid every time he calls - and I know you’ve been doing that-”

“It’s just been homework and stuff-”

“Y/N.” You stopped, biting your lip at the stern look he gave you. “Go home. Order take out. Binge watch TV. Go for a jog through the park. Actually meet your neighbors. Go grocery shopping. Just…live. If only for a couple weeks. Don’t worry about anyone else. Don’t pick up the phone, don’t drop everything because someone needs you. You need you.”

“I-I…” You shook your head, looking at him, sincerely apologetic. “I can’t. I wish I could. But I can’t. I’ve never had one normal day in my life. I’ve never had someone to care for, never had someone to care for me. I can’t let people I’ve come to…I can’t let them think I don’t care. I don’t even know where I’d go.”

“Whaddya mean?”

You winced, not thrilled for his reaction to your next statement. “I, uh, I sold my apartment in D.C.”

He gaped at you in complete disbelief. “You got it in December!”

“I know, I know. I liked it. I really did, but…I dunno. Nomadic life has always suited me better. It’s what I grew up with.”

He took a breath, making you cringe again. You don’t think you’ve ever legitimately gotten on his nerves like this before. “Have you ever thought that, instead of going with the flow and jumping place to place, putting down roots might actually help?” He cut you off before you could say anything, holding up a finger to stop you from talking. “I can’t imagine going from foster home to foster home like you did. I can’t imagine not having a home for as long as you can remember. Louisiana’s my home. Always has, always will be. But I understand your life has been anything but stable. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you need some stability.”

You clenched your jaw, crossing your arms. “The Avengers were my stability. Steve was my stability.”

“Because you loved him.”

“I’m not doing this with you again.” You turned to walk down to the lobby to wait for Bucky there, but Sam caught your arm.

“You were in love with him! It’s okay! You two were super close! No one would blame you! Why won’t you just admit it? I’m trying to understand! Why won’t you-”

You tugged your arm away, finally snapping at him. “Because he could never be mine, Wilson! Is that what you wanna hear?!” Sam took a step back at your exclamation. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump in your throat and pushing down the tears. “He could preach all he wanted about moving forwards, Sammy, but we all knew he was stuck in the past. He visited the museum every Thursday because her interview showed in his exhibit on Thursdays. He carried around that broken compass because her picture was in it.” You looked back up at him sadly, shrugging. “And I get it; it’s hard to move past your first love. I get it because…that’s what he was to me.”

There was a silence that blanketed the hallway, before he spoke up hesitantly. “What about Bucky?”

“I thought - I thought I was projecting my feelings for Steve onto him because I knew Steve couldn’t ever…”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “You thought? What do you think now?”

You cleared your throat. “I’m still figuring that one out.”

“If you ever need to talk, I’ll be here.”

You chuckled, nodding slightly towards him. “Back atcha. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you not being yourself lately, either.”

“It’s…a tough topic.”

You nodded in understanding. “Just know that I’ll support every decision you make as long as you think it’s the right one. Because I trust you. Steve trusted you. It’s all we can do to try to do what’s right. That’s what makes you a good man, Sammy. He gave you that shield for a reason, and if you think what you did was right…I’ll stand by it.”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, calming down in each other’s presences and taking comfort knowing you’d be there for each other through thick and thin. “Thank you, cher.”

“Of course, Sammy. Now let’s go see what’s taking the old grump so long.”

He laughed at that, nodding in agreement, taking your offered hand and squeezing it as you made your way down the hall.

****************

“What?”

Bucky eyed you as you spluttered, coughing on the water you were drinking. “Please don’t choke, doll.”

“Break him out of jail?!” You repeated his words and blinked at him, absolutely baffled by his plan. “Oh my God.” You groaned as Bucky and Sam started arguing, moving your flashlight around the room. “Where the hell are we?” There was no response as they kept going back and forth.

“Zemo’s gonna mess with our minds! Especially yours! No offense.”

“Heelllloooo!” You tried again. “Where the hell are we?!”

Bucky turned on the lights, giving Sam a look. “Offense.” Glancing at you he quirked an eyebrow. “Stop worrying your pretty lil’ head, sweetheart. You trust me, dontcha?” Your breath hitched at his words. You quickly recovered, huffing and pouting - although you’d deny ever pouting - and crossing your arms. You stood between the guys like that, eyes darting to whoever was speaking, waiting for them to stop so you could actually think.

“Look. Let me just walk you through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?”

You and Sam exchanged glances. “What did you do?”

“I…didn’t do…anything.” Bucky shrugged.

“How is it that you, one of the most deadliest assassins basically ever, are one of the worst liars I know.” You tilted your head at him, an eyebrow quirking up in confusion.

“Shush it you. Just, okay. The weakest point in any system isn’t the software, the hardware, it’s the meatware. The human element.”

The more you listened to Bucky’s “hypothetical”, the stronger the gut feeling telling you this was a terrible terrible idea got. You brought your hands up to your head, eyes wide as he spoke.

“I don’t like how casual you’re bein’ about this. This is unnatural.”

You couldn’t help but agree with Sam’s words, your head falling back and your eyes closing. “Sweet Jesus. Listen, God, I know we don’t talk much these days, but please, please don’t let this not be a hypothetical. I’m fucking begging you.”

A noise to your right made your head snap over. “Oh hell to the fucking no!” You shook your head as Zemo himself walked in, wearing a prison guards uniform. “Uh-uh! No way! Bucky, this was not part of the plan!”

“What did you do?!”

“We need him!”

“You’re going back to prison.”

“If I may-”

All three of you faced him, simultaneously shouting, “no!”

You held your face in your hands as your head dropped, shaking back and forth, your eyes squeezing shut, tuning them out for just a minute to think. Bucky had a point. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and all that, and the Avengers were technically disbanded, which was Zemo’s whole objective in the first place, but…God. You were good at compartmentalizing, but not that much. You were willing to put your feelings aside for the mission so Bucky could talk to him. Not for you to work with him. But he had connections, you knew he did, and he had information…

“Doll?” You looked up, Bucky anxiously licking his lips as he met your gaze. “I need you to say something.”

You looked to Sam, who shrugged, gesturing to Zemo. “What do you think?”

What did you think? What did you think?! You thought that it was the worst idea in the history of ideas and you should turn back and find another way! But…you knew this was the fastest, probably most reliable way to get information that you needed.

Dammit, since when were you the deciding factor?

You sucked in a breath, looking over Sam’s shoulder at Zemo, who lifted his hand in greeting. You raised your eyes to the ceiling, pointing your finger accusingly. “This is why we stopped talking.” Gaze dropping to the still waiting fellas, you gnawed on your lip, before hissing out, “ffffine…” Running a hand through your hair, you threw your hands up as you shrugged. “Fine. Okay. Fine.”

“Okay.” Sam nodded, taking charge again.

You couldn’t believe this was happening. Except, that was a lie. You could. You’d seen weirder. You’d experienced the impossible. Lived through the unbelievable. This…this was completely imaginable.

Which is why, with a lot of hesitation and very little confidence in this plan, you followed Zemo through the auto shop you were in until you reached a large room with a ton of different old cars.

Bucky’s hand found yours as Zemo explained what the plan was, rather vaguely, in your opinion, but at least he was explaining. Point for him. Not that it would make up for the level of distrust you held for him, but it was something.

You looked up at him, giving him a puzzling frown. He usually only grabbed your hand in front of other people when he was feeling anxious. Which, yeah, he had a right to be anxious right now, but it wasn’t the right kind. The type of anxiety caused by large crowds and loud noises, ones that startled him and threw him into a defensive mode.

But the look on his face made you squeeze his hand in reassurance. He was pouting, staring at you although he did something wrong - a puppy that tore up a pillow - and all you wanted to do was give him a hug.

“You’re mad at me.” He mumbled as the four of you headed out with Zemo in the lead.

“No I’m not.”

“Yeah you are. 

“Bucky, I’m not mad.”

“Listen, if I had a better idea I wouldn’t-”

You brought your linked hands up to your lips, pressing a gentle kiss to his gloved knuckles. “I’m not mad.” You repeated more firmly. “It’s just…a lot for me, right now.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Nothing’s going on, Buck, I-I just…” You thought about your and Sam’s earlier conversation and suddenly understood what he meant. “I need to breathe for a second.”

His features twisted into ones of uncertainty, eyes squinting as you stepped outside. “Do you…do you wanna leave?”

You shook your head, tugging his arm to stop him and grabbing the sunglasses on his collar, slipping them over his eyes. “No. I just need some time to think. Hopefully the plane ride to wherever the hell we’re going will give me that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, James. I’m sure.”

He lowered the glasses on his nose to scan you over the frames, before nodding and sliding them back up. “Okay. You ready for this, then?”

“No.” You breathed, turning back to where Zemo and Sam were still walking. “Let’s do this.”

*****************

Climbing onto the private jet, you raised an eyebrow at Sam, who shrugged, giving you a bemused expression. A Baron…huh…who knew? You feel like you should’ve, yet there you were.

You sat besides Bucky, across from Zemo, crossing your legs and leaning back while staring at him through narrowed eyes.

His butler seemed nice, which made you even more suspicious. You obviously didn’t know as much about Zemo as you wanted to. It was a habit you picked up after years of undercover work; once the mission was complete, that was that. There was no looking back on it. No sitting on it. It was over and you moved onto the next one. It was a bad habit in cases like this.

The moment you spotted the notebook over Zemo’s book you knew something was going to happen, yet you still flinched when Bucky lunged at him, grabbing his throat. You leaned back in your seat again, steadying your now racing heartbeat. You decided you were too tense, trying to relax your muscles as Bucky sat back down in his seat.

“I’ve seen that book. It was Steve’s when he came out of the ice. I told him about Trouble Man. He wrote it in that book.” Sam seemed so proud of himself that something he recommended was written in Steve’s little book and it made you smile.

You remembered that; Steve and you were supposed to meet up for coffee after his run, but Fury called him in so you rescheduled it for when he got back. He asked you about Marvin Gaye. For your opinion. You told him to check it out and make his own.

You remembered asking him about that little notebook of his, and he just shrugged you off telling you about his list. He would read items off to you, but he never let you read the book yourself. You never found out why, and you supposed you never would now. The thought made an ache behind your ribs that you’d come to familiarize yourself with appear.

You smiled a little more as Zemo and Sam told Bucky how awesome Marvin Gaye was. “C’mon, baby. Back me up.”

Chuckling, you looked at Bucky. “They’re not wrong. But,” you quickly added before Bucky could whine at you, facing Sam again. “Neither is Buck. I mean, c’mon. You can’t find music like the 40’s anymore. Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Benny Goodman, Fred Astaire. Ol’ Blue Eyes himself.”

“Thank you.” Bucky grinned at Sam, who rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay. But, I mean, c’mon! Everybody loves Marvin Gaye.”

“I like Marvin Gaye.”

“Steve adored Marvin Gaye.”

Your face fell as Zemo started talking about Steve and icons and Red Skull, your mind once again slipping away from reality.

~

“Kids love you.” You giggled as you finally made it out of his exhibit. You’d wanted to show it to him since he moved to D.C., and you’d finally got an opportunity after coming back from being undercover for ten weeks. “You’re their hero, you know.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to do what’s right.”

You nudged him, scoffing at his answer. “You’re too humble. You’re a national icon, you know.”

Steve shrugged, looking around the museum at the planes surrounding them. “I never wanted to be.”

“Why not? Everyone loves you.”

“I’m sure not everyone loves me.” He rolled his eyes. “And…I just wanted to help. To fight. Protect my country and the people I cared about. I-I didn’t ask for…all that.” He waved behind his shoulder where his exhibit was getting smaller with each step they took away. “People were dying. Bullies were winning.”

You shook your head, spinning and walking backwards besides him to face him. “Sure, but you did that. And you became someone people could look up to in the process.”

He narrowed his eyes at you before asking, “why do you do what you do?”

“...because I’m good at it?”

“Honey.” He gave you a look. “Answer the question.”

You hummed in thought. “Because I couldn’t stand by, knowing there would be orphaned kids if I didn’t help any way I could.”

“Alright. Why do you do it in the dark?”

“Whaddya mean?”

He shrugged. “Why don’t you come out and take credit for all the lives you’ve saved?”

“Because that’s not why I do it. I don’t want that attention. I just want to know I’ve helped people. I’ve kept them safe.”

He gave you a soft smile. “I just wanted to beat the bully. I never wanted to be a dancing monkey, too.” You looked at him in a new light then, understanding where he was coming from. “Watch out, honey!” He grabbed you and pulled you aside before you could crash into a wall, arms wrapped firmly around your waist. He gave you that charming smile of his. “Wouldn’t want you hurting that pretty lil’ head of yours, now would we?”

~

“Y/N!”

You snapped back into the conversation, moving your eyes from the window to Bucky, who tilted his head, eyebrows pinched and eyes narrowed. “Sorry. So, Madripoor. That’s a fun place.”

You ignored the side eyed glances Bucky and Sam exchanged, Sam turning to you curiously. “You’ve been?”

“Once. Back in 2010 for a few months”

Zemo raised his eyebrows. “You’re lucky to have gotten out.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Lucky, maybe. Skills were a part of it, too, though.”

“Good.” Zemo nodded. “Because we’re going undercover…and if we blow it. We’re dead.”

You breathed out, shaking your memory away and getting your head back into the game. Because like the man you were severely wary of in front of you said, if you blew this, you were dead. And, sure, you didn’t want to live until ninety, but you weren’t even half way there yet. So dammit if you were going to die soon.

“Hey.” You looked over at Bucky’s murmur, his head tilting as he grabbed your hand and pulled you from your seat closer to him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine. Are you okay? You know you’re going to have to be-”

“I know.” He nodded. You watched his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed thickly. “I’ll be fine. Just…tell me right now if you need to step out for this one.”

You gave him a smile that you knew he didn’t buy, just by the slight narrowing of his eye, his lips pressing together. “No. No, I’m good for this. If you think I’m gonna let you two idiots go into Madripoor with him - alone - oil that cyborg brain of yours, because there’s no way.”

He squeezed your hand, eyes still filled with uncertainty. “Are you sure?”

“If there’s even a slight possibility that I can protect you, then yeah. I’m sure, Buckaroo.”

[dienamights]

Ex’s and O’s | K.Bakugou

» Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

» Word count: 6.7K

» Genre: hurt/comfort, Smut MDNI, Prohero!au

» Summary: Its bad enough that you’re spending your ex-boyfriend’s birthday curled up in bed, wearing his merch, drinking away your sorrows, but what’s even worse is having your eardrums pierced by the blaring music upstairs at the party thrown just for him.

» Warning(s):  Smut 18+ MDNI please, hurt/comfort, mentions of alcohol, dubcon since reader is under the influence while getting dicked down, drunk sex, oral sex and fingering (female receiving, we getting fed tonight), one pussy slap lol, manipulation, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy)

» Author’s notes: Hello! aaaah I’m actually pretty excited about posting this fic! First of all, its Bakuhoe’s birthday! and what better way to honor it than to feed you all some good ol angst sprinkled in with some good dickin’ down. Its been years since I’ve written smut and I’m actually really fuckin proud of it, yet real nervous but I hope you enjoy! Secondly, this fic is a part of Bakugous Birthday Bash! I’m so excited to read everyone’s work, thank you everyone for holding this event and allowing my ass participate to create this with you all ♡ be sure to read everyone’s contributions, I know it’ll be more than amazing since everyone worked so hard!

Happy Birthday to our favorite King Explosion Murder♡♡

Lastly, I wanna thank everyone for their support and helping me reach 200 followers already! You guys are the cutest thing ever and I promise I’ll update more frequent the minute I’m out of uni late june fml, thank you @tteokdoroki for giggling with me when i wrote cock for the first time lol

» Masterlist | Requests

Rolling out of bed and flailing onto the floor as a start of your day ensures you that the following 24 hours will ultimately suck ass. Getting up and readying yourself for the day by looking through one of your cardboard boxes for your favorite Dynamight hoodie, the back of your mind keeps nagging you, trying to remind you of something buried deep in your subconsciousness, and you have half a heart to try and remember, because for some odd reason, you feel so fucking weary, as if the few steps from your bed to your bathroom are somehow now endless miles, almost making you breathe out in relief after finally reaching it.

And as you are making your coffee, that odd feeling keeps annoying you again, prodding at your brain to remember something, something. And ultimately, that's when your eyes fall to the counter. You knew this day was coming and you were dreading it for months, so as you look at the calendar on your kitchen counter, you frown, the quote of the day you always love reading so much long forgotten when your eyes fall on the date. 

“You’ve gotta be kiddin' me.” You mumble at the calendar on your counter hatefully with furrowed eyebrows, as if it would either reply or change its date, it doesn’t do either, and your lips curl downwards even further. As in immediate response, you pick up your phone, your coffee pot tossed aside as you dial the number of the only person you could think might help you right now.

“G’morning y/n -” you hear Kendo’s voice through your phone, and you honestly want to sob right then and there, but you hold yourself, barely and speak over her overly cheery voice first thing in the goddamn morning. “It's Kats- Bakugou’s birthday” you whimper at the slip up, being so used to the first name basis you were in with your now ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah, was kinda hoping you would’ve forgotten.” She sighs, tugging at her bangs and pulling back her phone to check the time. “Tell you what, I get off work in an hour, then I’m spending the day with you. I’ll get tequila, I know you love your shots.” 

“Ken, it's like 10 right now..” you can’t help but pout, having alcohol in your system as an escape to help you forget about the entire day still sounding better than the urge to cry and crawl into a hole, even if it's at the start of your day. “Y'know what? Get those gummy worms I like too.” “Bet.” you hang up with a sigh, moving back to the kitchen to sift through your bubble wrapped kitchen utensils, barely forcing yourself to prepare breakfast as to not have your liquor on an empty stomach.

You loathe the fact that you remembered his birthday, always reminded of him no matter how long ago since you’ve last seen him, being the center of the media’s attention for years as the number 6 hero in japan has its perks, well, in his case, but to you? Nothing but trouble and heartache as every channel you flip through plasters his face, whether it be about some big rescue mission he partook in or a new rumor about a potential lover to the explosive hero, followed by him almost attacking a reporter, yelling to them about ‘needing to mind yer goddamn business and keep my fuckin’ name outta your mouths’. Therefore, you opted long ago to stay away from the TV to avoid seeing him, his captivating rubies for eyes, covered by that goddamn mask you like to push up to his forehead, sweeping his bangs away and exposing his sweaty forehead that he bumps against yours as he makes love to you, still in his hero costume, all battered and dusty and so incredibly hot you have to- 

You grip your coffee mug tighter, almost to the point of breaking the handle off of it, placing it rather roughly onto the table before pushing your food away, appetite gone with the thought of whatever paradise you were thinking you were in before now long gone and never coming back, all because of you, of your action, of your mistake.

Kendo walks in with a bright smile on her face, as if her overly cheerful attitude will balance out the void you’re slowly but surely falling in. She shakes the bag of snacks in your face as you blink your eyes back into focus. Dragging your heavy feet across the floor to get to your kitchen to retrieve the shot glasses. Only kissing her cheek in thanks when you snatch away whatever it is she brought with her to lift your mood.

She eyes the boxes by your kitchen, the four placed haphazardly in your living room and the one you're using as a stool while filling your shot glasses, tongue sticking out to try and fill each one to the brim without spilling any on the new coffee table that she failed to notice before is still wrapped in bubble wrap that prevent any damage during the moving process.

“y/n…” you hum in response, a frown falling on your lips as the third glass spills a bit and the liquid pools on the plastic.

“Don't you think that you should’ve probably unpacked a while ago? Hasn't it been, what, five months?” 

“I didn't know you were gonna come here to harass me about my life choices, Kendo”

She flinches away, your tone venomous, almost feeling it as a slap to her face, before leaning in when she sees your eyes start to water.

“If I did, that just means it's true… that just means it happened, and I did the stupidest thing- you know what,” you wipe the few tears that managed to escape away with the sleeve of your sweater, looking down at the shots in front of you. “It, it doesn't matter anymore just- can I just drink and try to forget about how my life has gotten nothing but fucking worse since the day I left him?”

You questioned your worth that one time, that one time all those months ago. Thinking that by doing what you did and leaving, he’d drop everything and run behind you, chase after you and win you back, but he didn't, and as you sit surrounded by the evidence of how much of a failure you find out you are without him, you regret ever questioning it, ever questioning him. Because to you, living in denial was so much better than whatever hell this is.

So all you could think of is to just drown yourself in alcohol until your mind is too numb to think of the possibilities of how you could have avoided this, how you could’ve been a less of shitty person, and stop imagining how your life would be now if you just swallowed all your insecurities and just stayed. Despite the neglect, despite not being prioritized, because in some weird twisted way, those lies held you with warmth that you were never able to find after uncovering the ugly truth you’re living in right now. 

You lay on your living room floor, the alcohol swirling in your system and clouding your vision as you trace imaginary shapes in your ceiling, the voice of Kendo muffled as she rambles on and on about her day, the amount of outlaws she bitch slapped - a term she uses to get a laugh from you - and how she considers herself the unluckiest being in the whole world for having Monoma as a partner of all people, seriously contemplating who she should beat up first between him and the villains.

“Must be nice,” you voice, low and slow, scared of how Kendo would react to what you’re about to say, yet your intoxicated self unable to stop your mouth from uttering the words. “To have a purpose in life, to not be quirkless and lost like us.” your face twists in an ugly scowl at your ceiling, but mostly to yourself for putting a downer on whatever mood your friend is trying so hard to build, proven by the hitch of her breath before she enters your peripheral vision when she leans over you, all upside down and pouty.

“What’re you talki-” the shrill ringtone of her phone breaks you away from each other as she leaps to fetch it and silence the god forsaken thing by answering the call. “Battle Fist here, yes sir, I was partnered up with Phantom Thief for the patrol at area B, n-no sir I wasn’t informed.” Kendo breaths out in irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose as she starts tapping her feet aggressively on the floor, eyes falling onto yours when you look up at her all weary and sad, knowing what she would tell you once she hangs up. “That dumbass is gonna be the end of me I swear.” She crouches down to your level and kisses your forehead, promising to be back in the morning with hangover food, before she leaves and locks the door behind her. 

Now you’re left all alone, back aching from laying on the hardwood floor and eyes watering as you feel your loneliness eating you up inside, the god awful music thumbing loudly in your ears followed by the cheer of people as you-

Music?

You sit up abruptly, groaning at the dizziness of the swift movement as your hands fly to cover your ears, a failed attempt of ensuring your brain doesn’t begin to spill out from them, because of the loud voices, the bass shaking your entire fucking apartment by how strong it is, and you curse yourself for falling for the scheme the landlord pulled you in, paying half of the rent everyone did, just because you lived right below the penthouse that hosted the loudest parties in the area, 4 days out of the fucking week. 

The money hungry shameless bastard praised the apartment the minute it spiked your interest all those months ago, selling it so well you actually moved in the next week, anything to stop feeling like a burden to Kendo as you couch-surfed her apartment. Only to realize within that first week from your downstairs neighbors that he rents the penthouse to host parties of all sorts, and due to its location in the city, it was pretty popular, yet you didn’t have the money to move out again, nor the heart to concern your friend with your problems, as she was a hero with other responsibilities aside from taking care of your hopeless self.

So you get up, barely gathering yourself onto that elevator to tell off whoever the fuck will answer the door first to turn the music down. You pound the door with your fist repeatedly the minute you reach it, the door opening so suddenly you almost punch the man standing in front of you in the chest, the cool air created from the door cooling your warm cheeks as you squint at your victim for the day.

“Welcome!”

“Listen here, you buttfaced moron” you start to chew the person’s ear out, your sight blurring yet still able to notice how bright his hair is, how fiery and familiar it looks, and you’re certain you’ve seen it somewhere before. “I’m trying to drink away my regrettable life choices and cry over my ex-boyfriend, so if you would just turn down the-”

“y/n?” oh, that’s where. Your stomach drops as Kirishima looks down on you, the bright smile he flashed to whoever he was welcoming now dropped with his eyes almost bulging out at your presence, you both stand in silence, the boy unbuttoning the collar that suddenly feels like it has a chokehold on him while you cross your arms and hope the floor would swallow you a floor down back into the comfort of your home.

Kirishima basically is shutting down the second his eyes lay on you, breaking a sweat as your eyes never waver, despite how you fail to stay standing straight, what was he supposed to say? ‘Hey we’re throwing a birthday party for your ex-boyfriend because he's been feeling depressed from the day you dumped his ass’ ? No!  He wouldn’t do that to his friend, but what was he gonna say now?

Well, he didn’t have to really think about what to say to you, because his other friend didn’t hesitate to push him forward, slurring something along the lines of ‘lettin the hot ladies in so they can take a look at the prettier blond, aka moi’. In his moment of panic, the redhead stumbles forward, his cup slipping from the tips of his fingers and meeting its doom by the floor, whatever was filling it now staining your pants as you both look at the mess between you.

“Woah bro, we said you gotta get’er wet but not- '' Denki's cackle stops him from continuing whatever filth he was gonna spew out - thankfully - before his eyes drop down to your chest, or more like what was covering it. “Hey! You a Dynamight fan? Hey Bakuhoe, comere for a sec.” 

Dear God, move, for the love of all that's pure in this god forsaken world, move! Run!

All you could do is shake and breathe in short segments as your widened eyes meet his unamused ones, the garnets in his eyes glistening at your sight, he stands straight and so tall, suited up in his usual attire. Dressed for the occasion, words aren't able to describe his beauty. You try not to let your brain be dazzled by how incredibly handsome he looks. He is wearing a dress shirt, in the deep color of wine that complements his eyes, dress pants hugging his long legs, not to mention the open collar, and no tie. He looks like a long, lean Lothario. 

At that your eyes drop down to the floor, specifically the now stained carpet, your hands wrenching the end of your hoodie to distract yourself from the piercing rubies that haunts your dreams.

You build up some courage, enough of it to lift your head to continue what you came here to do, so you open your mouth, and drop a few IQs while you’re at it. “The m-music is loud and m’tryin’ to sleep,'' you mumble, noting how Kirishima leans down to make up the words you are saying over the sound of the blaring music while Bakugou narrows his eyes at you as if disregarding his sight will make him hear you better. “So, if you could turn down the heat, that’d be,” 

“You squiffed?” The blond grunts, leaning his face close to yours to inspect it, and he catches a whiff of alcohol in your breath, his eyebrows furrowing at your response. “No I'm not squinting-” 

“Yeah you’re drunk alright,” he huffs at your less than intelligent reply, pushing his glass of whiskey - you figure since it's always been his drink of choice - against Kirishima’s chest, telling him to lower the fucking volume and grabs you by your bicep. “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” you stumble at the force used against you, no matter how weak it actually is, before you barely straighten yourself to push his hand away. “I can walk down all by myself, thank you.” Of course you’d expose where you live, you dumbass.

He doesn’t question your integrity, just continues to basically drag you to the elevator before pushing your apartment door open when you choose your floor, irked to find your misplaced trust in the people of the complex by not locking your door after leaving. He barges into your bedroom and tells you to change out of your fucked up pants and proceeds to saunter to your kitchen to get you water, eyeing the boxes that he comes across during that small trip.

He stands awkwardly by the door when he sees you standing in the middle of the bedroom, sifting through countless moving boxes with your pants on the floor, thrown next to a pile of clothes that he can only assume that its supposed to be your laundry ‘basket’, until you opt against wearing any since you can't seem to find anything to replace them. And when he asks you if you just moved in, his expression sours when you shake your head no and explain to him that you’ve been living for months in this space, after chugging that cup of water like you’ve been parched for days.

“Birthday party?” You ask out of the blue as you play with the strings of your hoodie, your ears perking up at the confirmation hum you receive. “Hmm, thas’cool… I-I guess.” 

Bakugou’s impassive as he gently pushes you onto your bed, eyes meeting yours as he covers you up with your blanket. “Get some rest, I’m leaving.” He said, slowly stalking away from you and barely reaching your door as your big mouth talks on its own. Your body sitting up and facing his retreating back.

“That's what you always do, you always leave”, you utter and you see him stiffen his shoulders before he spins to face you, so fast you almost want to check up on him about getting a whiplash.

“Hah?” it's one syllable, but it shakes your very core, that one sound making you almost shake, overwhelmed by the amount of emotions, the amount of pain that one sound has. He steps closer to your bed, the stomps of his feet sounding like gun shots in your ear, and you pathetically lift up the blanket to cover yourself up, cowering behind it like it's some pseudo shield that might protect you from him.

“I’m the one that leaves?” he growls at you, his eyes sizing you up when you react to his forceful approach, leaning back to look down on you, but his lips are still curled in a frown, he tries to hold himself from blowing up at you, his feelings oddly enough still raw in his chest the moment he lay eyes on you the first time since you left, threw him away and walked away, probably finding someone better, probably finding someone who you tolerated, unlike himself, but when he sees you straighten up your back to rebuttal him, an automatic response to whenever he raised his voice at you from all those years ago, he knows he is in for a fight. 

He snarls when you nod at him, your eyes hard and glaring up at him, not knowing that your silence is by your better judgement since you don't trust your voice, knowing it’ll fail you, probably crack and show him how much he actually is affecting you by his closed off posture and demeaning look down at your frame.

“Real fuckin’ rich of ya, y/n.” He snaps back, his hands brought up to his hair, tugging at it. “As if you didn’t pack your shit,” he kicks at yet another cardboard box fucking spewed in your room, noting its heavy weight when it didn't move but an inch by his action. “Dropped your keys by the fuckin’ door,” as an emphasis, he throws your apartment key at you, making sure it doesn’t actually hit you, but falls onto your lap. “And left. Without a single fuckin’ word, like I'm some lowlife who didn't deserve an explanation, like I didn't deserve anything! And-” that hurt, goddamn it. 

Exhaling deeply, he focuses on how your eyes look a little less glossed over, a little more sober, but holding fear, and he almost steps back and out when he looks at how you’re fighting tears, almost wanting to bust his own kneecaps than to see you like this, always wanting nothing for you but to be happy, to never upset about anything no matter how small it might be.

Then why did you leave him? Left him to drown by his lonesome self, waves of his insecurities and sorrow crashing into him, pulling him even further down to his inevitable doom.

Despite the fact that you both yearn for each other, long to feel one another, engulf yourselves in the others presence. You both stand your ground, eyes glaring despite the emotions hidden behind them, mouths shut and curled into ugly scowls regardless of the words you wish to speak to each other, whispers of promises into each other's ears about being together forever, in spite of not knowing what the future holds.

Bakugou breathes out again, recalling all those months worth of coping mechanisms to exercise when placed in anger inducing situations like this one, the time in therapy spent to better himself, to control himself, to be the best version of himself, for you, hoping that one day you’ll pity him enough to want to come back, knowing full well he would never hold a grudge against you and welcome you back with open arms, intending to never repeat whatever it is he did that made you think of him as so unbearable you couldn't spent another day with him.

You on the other hand, are barely holding in the tears, wanting him to just leave your sight, so you can go back to the world of denial where he didn't look like straight out of a magazine, looking as captivating as always, as if your absence did not have an effect on the hero, of course it wouldn't, why would a quirkless extra have an effect on the great Katsuki Bakugou, that's what he used to call them, right?

“Just leave, Bakugou-” his ears pick up the way your voice breaks at his name, the way you utter it sounds so horrendous, because you aren’t meant to call him Bakugou, you’re meant to call him Katsuki, Katsu, Suki, your Suki. Not- “I hate you.”

The room suddenly spirals. The floor panels misalign themselves into zigzags. Bakugo’s eyes shatter like a glass window. He tries to hold himself against the tears that threaten to fall, stomach wrenching as if reaching from inside of his body, but it’s useless. He brings his hand up close to his chest and sinks his head, letting the words overtake him.

Oblivious to his internal struggle, you pile whatever courage you have left in another attempt to ask him to leave, aware that your body wouldn’t aid you in pushing him away physically, you open your mouth, only to gasp after a moment of silence when he pounces on you and grabs you by the neck, sliding a hand behind your head and leaning your face impossibly closer to his “you fuckin’ hate me? show me you hate me then,”

Then he's pressing his lips against yours, your half foggy mind all too surprised by the flow of motion you can only try to keep up with his feverish kisses, you try to pull away, to push him away, to no avail, Bakugou only stopping his assault on your lips to growl at them again “Show me then, hah?” 

But he wouldn't even let you, his grasp on your neck loosening to circle around your back to push you to him even more. His kisses get more and more aggressive, trying his best to show you how much he was hurt by what you said, by what you did, after all this time, almost begging you to not let him have to voice out whatever he’s feeling because he would do so much of a worse job than he is doing now.

The hands you placed on his chest in a failed attempt to push him away are now just placed over his pecs, welcoming their warmth and the way they flex under your touch, your right hand clenching over where his thumping heart is, and he almost sighs in relief, the movement feeling like it holds together all the broken pieces of his heart to make it whole again.

Almost like that gesture calmed him down, Bakugou’s rough touches start to soften, very caring as they glide to your hips before sliding underneath your - oh my God it's your special edition Dynamight hoodie! His amused chuckle tickles your lips as he pulls away when he feels you stiffen at the realization, barely letting you breathe in ease until he places his lips against your ear. “Love how m’still the only one sprawled over yer tits.”

“But I still want the real thing, lemme see ‘em, hm?” And just before throwing a dumb retort and embarrasing yourself even further, the article is tugged eagerly off of your body and thrown haphazardly on the floor. Earning yourself a low whistle when he realises you’re wearing nothing underneath. Bakugou all but shoves you onto the bed, spreading your legs when you try to rub them against each other for any friction, wedging his body neatly between them as his teeth gently bite your soft buds, pulling them slightly before captivating the nipple entirely.

His tongue flicks against your hardening nipple while keeping a watchful eye at the sinful expressions your face makes, his one hand toying with and twisting the other nipple while the other slides down to tease your needy cunt, pressing his fingers against your -fucking soaked- panties, swearing under his breath at the feeling of your walls trying to clench around his fingers just from that one movement. Sitting on his haunches, he lifts your hips with ease to pull your panties right off, eyes travelling between your heaving chest and your exposed pussy. Before lowering himself and finding comfort in biting and sucking your nipples again.

Bakugou’s smirk grows with your moans as his tongue dances over your sensitive nipples, he presses his finger against your walls, and you immediately keen at the prodding feeling that almost feels foreign after all this time apart. His thumb pushing your pussy lip to the side to see you suck his finger in like the good girl he knew you always were.

“Ba-ba-ba,” you struggle to talk, your drool collecting at your lips, stopping you from forming any words as you feel a breeze hit your spit covered tits, whining at the feeling and wanting him to pull your nipples in the warm cavern of his mouth again. Bakugou’s eyes focus on the spit line connecting his bottom lip to your nipple before disconnecting it to smash his lips against yours in an effort to shut your blabbering up.

“Ba-ba, what? y’better not be callin’ me Bakugou with my fingers deep in yer pussy baby, its Katsuki for you, yeah?” he taunts with a fake pout that immediately turns into a grin at the way you hold your pathetic sobs, pressing another finger in your tight cunt, reveling in the wet sounds your pussy makes as he thrusts his fingers in and out of it, soaking his fingers in your slick as he curls them, eager to hear the squelching sounds it would make when his cock is shoved deep inside you. “Or better yet, lemme hear you say Suki, hmm?”

“Suki- p-please, eat me out” you throw your head back and bring your hands down to play with your clit, showing him where you want his lips to be, as if the blond doesn't already know where it is, and he scoffs at the thought, slapping your hand away and giving another slap to your clit, earning a moan from you from the sharp pleasurable pain.

“Yea, yea I fuckin’ know already, needy slut,” he growls, keeping eye contact as he circles your clit with his tongue before sloppily eating out your cunt, making a mess of both drool and your arousal, mumbling “my needy slut.” to himself, and you do hear it, yet you brush it off with the thought that your lust must be messing with your brain.

Your chest still flutters at his words and your walls clench in on his fingers as he curls them again in a way you didn’t know would make you yelp like it did. He thrives off of how your body responses so easily to him, your back arching and the squelching getting louder as his fingers pick up speed, his tongue so skillful in drawing circles around your clit before sucking it again. A whine escapes you when he draws his head away from you, only for you to see the way his eyes darkens, his chin glistening from your arousal when it catches the light.

“Let go for me princess,” he whispers uncharacteristically, making you question if the glint in his eyes is from his desire for you or something else. “Lemme see you fall apart for me, alright?” the way he’s almost begging you to come undone for him takes you by surprise, and your body curls in on itself so fast, not realizing your orgasm was creeping up on you until it hits you. The knot in your stomach breaks as you gush around his fingers, white crossing your vision as he slows his pace to help you come down from your high. 

Your shuddering body lays on your bed, eyes unwavering as they meet Katsuki’s, his fingers stuffed in his mouth as he moans around them at your taste. It's all a blur after seeing that unravel, and you’re so woozy that you don’t register him discarding his clothes until he lays above you. Placing himself between your legs as he pumps his cock, hardened from seeing you fall apart on his tongue and fingers, his tip leaking precum and burning a bright red.

His movement is almost too quick for you as he dips his head into your leaking hole before pulling right back, a breathless chuckle escaping him when you whine and roll your hips and try to suck him in again, wanting to feel the stretch of him inside of you.

“Didja wanna say somethin’ princess?” he taunts you, one of his hands holding you down by your stomach while the other is wrapped around his length, teasing you in the ways that he knows drive you crazy, he leans in, using the tip of his cock to spread your pussy lips open and running it along your slit to coat it with your arousal.

“Katshu, p-please I-” you hiccup, your fists tightening on your bed sheet as you try to rock your hips up get more than just his leaking tip, but your begging is always interrupted when he isn't hearing what he wants you to say.

“Say you love me.”

You freeze at his demand, your widening eyes looking up at him before you pout your lips, not thinking about surrendering to him, no matter how much you want your cunt stuffed full of him right now.

“I don’love yooou-” you gasp as katsuki’s grip onto your waist tightens and you feel as he gives a thrust into your sopping cunt, arching your back at the burning stretch of being filled up by his thick cock. Katsuki’s hand traces down your left thigh before cupping behind your knee, hiking your leg up and out, close to your chest to expose more of yourself to him, wanting nothing more than to see his dick seething in and out of your tight pretty pussy, and by almost muscle memory, you did the same thing with your right leg, replacing his hands with your own, presenting yourself to him.

“Y’see that? Fuckin’ know you like the back of m’hand, y’think someones gonna- ah, take the fucking time to work you like I did?” he's right, absolutely right, he ruined you for any other potential lovers and he loved it with every fiber in his being, knowing this means you’re always going to be wrapped around his finger. You moan as he pushes more of himself into you, bottoming out and holding one of your tits and squeezing when he feels your walls do the same to his cock.

You hate it, after all this time, you’re still a blubbering mess the second he was one fucking inch deep in your pussy, sucking him in and clawing at his back begging for more. No self respect, no dignity, you hate it, how come after all this time he gets to come here and fuck you like you belong to him, like you’ve belonged to him despite everything that has happened.

You only realize that your eyes are closed when Katsuki’s breath hits your face, and you open them wide, noting how wet your lashes have gotten from your tears, only for him to kiss at the tears gliding along your right temple and licking the ones on your left. He breathes out a chuckle and when he leans to look at your eyes, the humor and menace you expect to see in his eyes are nowhere to be found, clouded by a solemn look instead.

“What? Yer cryin on me now, huh? Y’think a few tears are stoppin’ me?” His voice is masked so well, because he sounds like he was simply enjoying a game, like an imp that had branched from a demon. “C’mon, not gonna tell the birthday boy you love’em?”

“I don't love you, I hate you, h-hate you-” you keen as drool pools at your lips, your body betraying you as it shakes from pleasure, letting go of your legs to wrap them around his slim waist, to bring him in closer, if that was even possible, stopping his deep thrusts that were brushing up against your cervix, it feels pathetic, denying him the pleasure of telling him you love him while clinging onto him like he's your last breath of fresh air, because in a way, you feel like he is, like him leaving would just collapse your lungs and stop your heart from beating, you know that he’s gonna leave you. While your spent body would lay on your bed and you'd cry because you didn't tell him you love him, yet you wouldn’t ask him to stay, knowing deep down that you don't deserve it, you don't deserve him.

You feel his weight on top of you as he rests his elbows by your head, his lips brushing against your ear as he repeats again with every shallow thrust into your warm insides, his cock twitching from time to time in your walls. “You love me.” he says it once, twice, thrice. Every time his voice lowers more and more to a broken whisper, almost a plea instead of the cocky taunt he started off with.

Your legs are starting to ache from the grip they have around him, so you loosen up, your mind easy since his thrusts haven’t been rough nor painful. And when you do, you notice two things immediately, first, your thighs are so soaked from how he's making you feel, probably ruining your bedsheet at this point, second, he pushed his chest away from yours to look you directly in the eyes, one hand molding around your thigh to keep it from wrapping around him again while the other is placed on your stomach, his thumb inching closer and closer to your clit, wanting to toy with it, toy with you, but not ready to give you any satisfaction until you admit to him, please just tell him, that you do still love him. All insecurities, all battle scars, all emotional constipation as layers he covers himself with, that no one gives a fuck to peel off, to see who he really was, except you.

His red eyes lock onto yours as your chest heaves with breathless sobs at the lost of his warmth, and when you think he's lowering himself back down, he pulls out suddenly, sending a  shiver down your spine as you gasp, now feeling like you're frozen over, your tears coming from lack of both pleasure and warmth.

Suddenly your face is met with the pillow and you feel his hands on your hips as he lifts them up and off the bed, your half intoxicated, half aroused mind barely registering that you’ve been flipped over on your stomach until you feel his cock prodding at your cunt, easily sliding in like they’ve been made to be warmed up in there, when you know Katsuki would argue that your pussy was made just for him and to warm his dick.

He presses his chest against your back, pushing you onto the bed as he thrusts his hips roughly, pulling out fully before seething himself right back in, your moans and whimpers muffled by your pillow from being pushed down by his hand as his other holds your hips firmly. 

Then what happened next probably shocked him more than you, despite how delirious you’ve become due to his relentless thrusting, his dripping tears feel cool on your bare warm shoulder, one by one as his groans and moans turn into strangled sobs, before Katsuki digs his teeth into that shoulder, to both hear you scream and to muffle his cries from you. 

“because I love you” he sobs, detaching his teeth from their grip and kissing the bite marks before resting his forehead against it, but his thrusts never cease, getting sloppier, as if the confession is pushing him off the edge. Dragging the tip of his nose from your bitten and bleeding shoulder to the back of your ear, his own face flush and warm against you as he breathes harshly against your ear and kisses along it.

“So-” he moans again, the hand behind your neck now turning your face so he could see your fucked out expression, the tears streaming down your face and the drool that pools under your cheeks, with your tongue lolled out and your eyes barely focusing on his form.

“You better say you do too, becau-”

“I love you.” you gush, like saying it is a breath of fresh air, your eyes never leaving his teary ones, your gaze so intense and fixated on him with no regards to the way the snapping of his hips against yours is shaking your entire body against the bed. 

With new found vigor from your confession, Katsuki grabs onto the meat of your ass, hammering into you from behind with force that pushes you against the bed even further, your pulled hair jerking your head back so he can listen to the lewd noises you are making, long forgotten the will to cover your pleasure and hiding your moans.

Your ass heavily slaps against his thighs as he grabs your hips with both hands and pounds into your sopping wet cunt, relishing in the way you’re begging for him. “Y’like it when I fuck you baby, hmm? Like it when I stuff you so fuckin’ full of me?” He growls, feeling you push your ass back every time you repeat ‘yes’ to his questions. “Yes, yes love it, love you, please please don’t stop, please ‘Suki. Yes, gonna cum ‘Suki please” you weep, your head pounding from the grip he had on your hair and your eyes crossing as you feel his thrusts stutter, getting sloppier when you bounce your ass against him, his hand coming down and slapping it.

“That's fuckin’ right, cum on this cock, c’mon baby” he brings four of his fingers to rub your clit with urgency, and you can’t help but arch your back as your orgasm hits you again, screeching as you feel your walls tightening on him, squeezing him for what he’s worth. “F-fuck ah, y-you’re so- Fuck” his heavy weight falls on you as he fills you to the brim with his milky seed, forehead pressed against your shoulder as he rocks his hips against you, pushing more of his load inside before slowly pulling out, gaze flutters down to where your bodies were once joined, seeing your mixed arousal seeping out of your hole and he has half a mind to push it back in with his fingers.

But he flips you over effortlessly, the sight of your crossed out eyes and wet cheeks squeezing his chest at the realization he might’ve been too rough on you, so he wipes your cheek with the palm of his hands and revels in the way you lean towards him, turning your face to kiss his palm. “Say it again.” barely a whisper, as you flip his hand and kiss the back of it as well, and he almost repeats himself, thinking you didn’t hear him, but your hands reach up and cup his face, bringing him towards you. “I love you Katsuki” and goddamn if that wasn’t the most beautiful thing you’ve ever spoken. “Again,” “I love you, Katsuki” “Again,” you giggle, and he knows that's probably what angels sound like.

Your thumb brushes over his warm cheeks, red from showing vulnerability, and you pull him even closer, “Happy birthday, ‘Suki.”

“Yea,” He breaths out, his lips barely brushing against your bitten and bruised ones. “It really fuckin’ is.”

aaaaaaaaah! Hope you enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think of the smut, I also changed my writing style from past tenses to present tenses or tried to at least

Borrowers (taglist):

if you want to be tagged with for any of my fics let me know ♡

[landinoandco]

My best friend and I...

Lando Norris x reader (best friend)

Request from @lovebynorth "LN x best friend

Warnings: none :)

Word count: 1.2k

Requests are open...

A loud sound of laughter could be heard from Lando’s streaming room. The pair of you laughing over some reddit post concerning the Hungarian crash - more specifically Bottas the bowling ball. It was the beginning of the summer break and Lando Norris was doing one final stream before his family and friends' holiday. He was putting you in charge of the house whilst he was away. 

“Now chat -” He started, still chuckling, “What do you reckon, can I trust her to not burn the house down.”

You and Lando had been best friends for longer than you could remember - it had all started over social media; which (you supposed) was considered normal nowadays. You had commented on one of his karting posts and the pair of you had been inseparable ever since. Naturally, you had both battled through the awkward teenage feelings - you could both look back at it now and laugh at how naive and innocent you were…

It was shortly after Lando had turned 16 and a few days before your 15th birthday and you were sat on the park swings - reminiscing on how quickly time had flown when Lando almost shouted.

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

You had nearly fallen on the floor laughing but when you realised he had been serious, you comforted the heartbroken boy. “Look, Lando, I love you too just not in the way you want me too. You know me, I’m a free spirit, I want to explore the world on my own and I don’t want that sort of commitment. I’m an independent woman. You know that.” You had said proudly, patting his shoulder. When he didn’t meet your gaze, you wrapped your arms around him. “You’re invited too, I don’t know how I would cope without my sidekick by my side.”

At this he chortled, “Who are you calling a sidekick?” 

From that day forward, you hadn’t left his side - you were there for every race, for every win, unfortunately for every crash. You were there to experience it all but he couldn’t have been more grateful. 

It was when he reached F1, by that point you were both adults - you were in need of a job and he would be travelling 24/7 throughout the whole year. Your interests had always been regarding the sport - you couldn’t see yourself doing anything else so when Zac Brown had offered you a PR apprenticeship - you didn’t even have to think about your answer, it was an immediate yes. 

Here you both were - Lando’s third season with McLaren and your first as his official PR officer. 

“Chat.” You gasped, “Are you really going to let him talk about me like that!” 

It appeared that the whole of the F1 community adored your friendship just as much as the infamous bromance that was “Carlando.” 

Your eyes scanned through the incoming comments, all of them coming to your defense. This only made you laugh harder. 

“You know what, Lando, I think your chat prefers me to you.” 

People described your friendship with Lando as chaotic and they were probably right, you had a habit of persuading Lando to do very ‘un-Lando’ like things; like the time you managed to persuade him to eat a slither of your salmon. Admittedly he almost threw up as soon as he swallowed it and he was in a mood with you for the rest of the night-out. 

He looked directly into the camera and leaned close into his microphone, batting his eyelashes and doing his best puppy-eyes. “You’re really picking her over me, guys, I thought we were closer than that.”

He scrolled down his reddit, you were picking out the odd post and he was asking for chats opinion on it. 

An hour or so later, Lando decided that it was time to finish the stream, you had leaned over and placed your arm around his shoulders in a mock consolation. 

“Now stream.” He sighed dramatically, “I am going on holiday for a while so I’m not going to be able to stream. Going to go old school and no social media. This is going to be the last one for a while.” 

“Don’t you worry guys, one thing I promise you is that I am going to hack into Lando’s computer and stream off of his account. Can you drink on twitch?” You asked, turning to face Lando. He had a large beaming smile, stretching from ear to ear. “Maybe I can have a glass of wine and spill all of our childhood secrets.” You winked at him. The smile immediately dropped from his face.

“No, you definitely won’t be doing that.” He stated, pushing your chair away from the table. “Stream, that will be all and she definitely won’t be streaming from my account.” You laughed in the background - little did he know. 

It was a week later when Lando got the notification on his phone, twitch had emailed him recognising that he had logged into his account - a security precaution he took to ensure he was safe. The only problem was, he hadn’t logged into his account because he was on a yacht, somewhere in Croatia. He swore under his breath, “You son of a-” He started, shaking his head, the corners of his lip turning up. He licked his lips and rubbed his hand over his mouth. He was about to dial your number - as his PR officer - but then he remembered. 

Exiting the dial pad he opened the twitch app and went onto his profile - there in a little moving box was you. Wearing his headphones and holding a mug that probably wasn’t filled with tea. 

He clicked and your voice filled the room.

“You see, chat, I told you I would stream whilst Lando was away. Never break a promise, me.” You chucked and took a long sip. It was then, taking a step back and admiring you from a distance that he fully appreciated the woman you had become. Completely independent in the way you lived, reliant only on your common sense and it was then he realised that you really didn’t need him at all. Warmth spread around his body, he smiled fondly at your moving form as you asked the viewers to send in questions. It was at that moment Lando realised how much you meant to him, for all the years you had been inseparable and the life you had made together. You were his life at this point and he was lucky to be able to declare that. 

He typed into the chat: “Do you miss me then?” 

It didn’t take long for you to pick the comment out. You beamed, “I could never not miss you.” 

It was then you realised how much you relied on Lando, you liked to let him believe you could do it all on your own but really, after all of these years you didn’t know how you could live a life without him.  

Part two

[wpdarlingpan]

How would yandere Damian Wayne react to his beloved having a fondness for books? Will he get jealous that she keeps gushing about non existent fictional characters? Lol I have a feeling he will 🤣

I absolutely love this idea, it was fun to write.

Trigger Warning: Abuse

(Not on Damians end but Y/N’s father)

Nothing descriptive and very brief.

~*~

Damian had met his beloved at school after she was the only one who didn’t chase after him. She didn’t even seem to notice he was there. He was determined to change that.

The first day they talked he introduced himself, waiting to see her reaction to his last name but gained nothing more than a polite introduction from herself than she returned back to the book she was reading before he interrupted her. If she hadn’t got immersed back into the book than she would have seen the surprised look adorning the young Wayne’s face.

From there on he was determined to know everything about her. He used the bat computer to find out that she lived with her father in a nice house near his own. Her mother died during child birth and she had no siblings. Damian wished he didn’t have ‘siblings’ even if he never called them that. Well... maybe Grayson. But Todd could go along with Drake.

He decided to go to her house to check in on her and his excuse was to gather intel, but what he saw was not what he was prepared for. Damian saw Y/N’s Father yelling at her as if she had nine something terrible. Damian watched as the man cursed out his young daughter making Damian scowl and tighten his hands into fists. But they suddenly stopped fighting so Damian left as he had school tomorrow and he wanted to talk to you then. If he had stayed a second longer he’d have seen her getting locked into the cupboard under the stairs without dinner.

But luckily for her she had books. She read hunger games, Harry Potter, and many more. Even twilight even though she absolutely despised the ‘Bella’ character. But they all had love. She loved to read about love and the feeling of euphoria it gave people.

“Maybe one day.” She thought to herself.

The next day Damian Wayne talked to her again. He made more progress but it was hard to keep her away from her book.

It continued for weeks and then to months. He had slowly broke down her barrier and she finally stopped ditching him to read a book.

After 3 months of talking and Damian following her around daily to make sure she was safe he finally asked her on a date.

She met him at the park during sundown. When she arrived there was a picnic blanket with a basket on it and a couple of cushions. She saw someone walk up to her from where they were sat by a tree and they gently grabbed her hand and led her to the set up.

“Do you like it?” Damian asked nervously. He knew that this date was what determined his future plans. She was his beloved even if she didn’t exactly know yet. If she didn’t like the date or found out she didn’t like him the same way he loved her than she would learn to with force and time or she could love the date and he will spend every moment of the day with her after he asks her to be his.

She smiled widely, liked it? She loved it! It was exactly like something out of a book. A grand romantic gesture.

He smirked at her smile and he just knew he was already successful in gaining her feelings. He noticed the shiny glint in her eyes.

“I love it Damian. Thank you.” She spoke smiled at him and leaned over to give him a hug making his heart spike with happiness.

They had a wonderful date and it resulted with a 2nd and 3rd one. Then he dropped the question and she couldn’t bring herself to say anything but yes.

Even as she noticed that some of the few friends she had distanced themselves from her after she agreed to be Damians girlfriend after the 3rd date.

Even when some of her romance books began to disappear, which is what really made her sad. Once she told Damian with tears in her eyes that a. Few of her books were missing he gave in and hid them in her room for her to find the next day.

That’s when something happens. Y/N’s father was killed in a police shooting after he had assisted the Joker himself on a robbery. Worst part was Y/N found out over the news.

Damian was very happy with the news of the death fo his beloveds dad. He found out about the abuse after he snuck in to her house the second time and heard a lock click with no Y/N in sight.

Damian told his father about the girl and Damian played his fathers weaknesses against him he told him that she was abused and that she needed help. She needed to be safe. That thing that convinced him finally was that Damian told Bruce that she was the one and Bruce’s eyes widened greatly before he moved into a smirk. Of course his son had found his beloved, Bruce was a Yandere too of course, where else would Damian have got the tendencies from? His mother Talia or his grandfather Ra’s? They both would be caught dead saying the four letter word.

That’s how Y/N was adopted by the Wayne’s.

That’s how she ended up staying in the room next to Damians.

That’s how she ended up being with him 24 hours a day, since he got his classes switched so he was in all of hers but when it was questioned it was for academic reasons.

Y/N was sad though. She had no friends other than Damian. Her father was dead, her mother was dead, she had no family. No matter how bad her father treated her all she could think was that she deserved the pain.

A month after the shooting Damians Yandere side began to progress. She wasn’t allowed out of the Manor without being accompanied by him if she was allowed to leave at all.

She had been taken out of school alongside Damian by Bruce at the request of his son who didn’t like that boys and girls were looking at his beautiful beloved.

He was obsessed with his love.

A few months after living in the manor, meeting everyone, and adjusting to Damians possessiveness and rules she was doing okay. She wouldn’t dare go against Damian after he had guilt tripped her after she said she wanted to be alone for awhile and take a walk. Damian was glad that she was so easily manipulated that she didn’t even attempt to fight his love. He had to protect her form the cruel world he had experienced first hand. Her kindness, innocence, and trusting nature would get her killed in Gotham. But there was nothing to worry about because he was there to protect her. He always would be.

But she grew slightly distant from Damian after she began reading the books in the Wayne Library. There was a whole room stocked shelf by shelf with books.

She had been in there reading a book where the main character was trained with a sword and was a Assassin but he fell in love with his target. That’s where Damian saw her after he had been searching for after he began to getting annoyed after being away from her for so long.

“What are you reading My Beloved?” She had gotten used to the nickname and would slightly blush at every use of it. It was another thing that seemed like it was straight out of a book, he was her knight in shining armor.

“It’s called His Mission, His Love. It’s about this dashing guy who can sword fight and is a very skilled Assassin. He falls in love with the girl he was supposed to assassinate for his group of assassins. But he failed it by falling in love. I haven’t found out what happens yet. He sort of reminds me of Finnick from that other book I told you about, Hunger games remember? Well he wields a trident and it looks super cool and...” she was cut off from Damian snatching the book from her hands and shutting it without even marking her page making her lose her page.

“Hey!” She cried out as he tossed the book across the room. He scowled when she yelled at him which result in him standing directly in front of her as she sat on the couch and he leaned down to her height the grabbed her chin making her face towards him instead of that insufferable book he had tossed across the room.

“You don’t need that book got it? You have me, and you only need me.” He spoke looking into her eyes as his face was only inches apart from her own.

“But...” she began to say. She loved books, it was nice to image the love. But she couldn’t exactly say she didn’t know the feeling for herself now after dating Damian. He had done so much for her to keep her safe and well after he father died.

“I can sword fight, I’m a assassin, I am even more handsome and richer than any character in those terribly pointless books. You don’t need them when you have me.”

She looked at him weirdly and that’s when he realized that in a fit of jealousy - over a book character- he admitted by secret he hadn’t told her yet.

“Assassin? Fighting? What are you taking about Damian.”

He rolled his eyes at her but explained.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m Robin. My fathers batman, Graysons Nightwing, Todd is Red Hood, and Drake is Red Robin.” He watched as her eyes widened making him begin to lose himself in the beautiful eyes he loved so dearly.

“Really?” She said in disbelief but it did make sense. But that’s when she suddenly blushed at a thought and by the fact it took her so long to blush Damian was thinking that she was thinking back to her book character again as her eyes darted away from him coincidentally to where the book was.

“What are you thinking about My Beloved?” he demanded in a cool tone that was laced with jealously. He grip on her chin tighten a little more and his other hand laid on her waist.

She murmured something he couldn’t hear which was very surprising as he was so close to her.

“Repeat what you said but louder. Please” he spoke waiting for her to say she was thinkjnt about the assassin from her book but he wasn’t prepared for what she would say.

“I used to have a crush on Robin, he is my favorite.” She spoke then closed her eyes willing the blush that adorned her cheeks to disappear.

This would be the first time that Damian let out a huge smile and a slight laugh of disbelief.

“I pictured him... or well you as the character from my book because of the similarities.” She spoke still lightly dying from embarrassment which worsened when he scooped her up from the couch and into his arms before kissing her face multiple times while she laughed at the feeling. Then he sat down o the couch with her in his lap, not letting go as she tried to climb out of it.

“Stay here My Beloved. Why don’t I tell you real stories?”

And that was how Damian got jealous... over himself.

And how Y/N found out the identity’s of the Batman, Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and most of all Robin.

And it all started because of a book.