#a different body- are supposedly so much more different than someone with very different feelings- someone who has aged millions of years

[terranceholdsapencil]

I sometimes think its weird that everyone must have a 'favourite doctor'. I get the appeal, but how its so wide spread baffles me.

Theyre all one person, in the end, with each regeneration being all that came before and more, and a little different due to the experiences they had and the people theyve met, just how I am different from when I was 15 years old, but still the same.

I have a favourite doctor for conveniency reasons, mostly, 12- but even then, whats a 'favourite doctor'. My favourite performance? My favourite to have a fun time with? My favourite to make me aspire to be better? My favourite to laugh, my favourite to cry for? Theyre all different. I love 12 as much as I love 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Maybe I have incarnations I dont feel as strongly for, but thats usually out of unfamiliarity with all they went through and by such an inability to truly grasp who the doctor was when they wore that face (e.g. my only experience with 8 being the tv movie) or because they amplify parts of the doctor Im less fond of (e.g. six being a little mean).

But in the end, theyre all of it anyway? All of the Doctor is mean, whether its the first doctor or the sixth or the tenth, all doctors are kind, whether its the second or fourth or 12th or 14th, all of the doctor has experienced grief, all of them is strong willed, brave, afraid.

I like the idea of having a 'favourite'. To me its a little like your favourite actors role, I love david tennants hamlet more than I like his alec hardy, but I still love his acting, period.

But this obsession of needing a favourite doctor, of needing to love one part of this beautiful, incredible character more than others, often it feels unfair to who they are. This grand person being reduced to a few years of their endlessly long life. To a single face.

Maybe that's what feels so real about thoschei. Companions tend to get attached to a face. To this one part. To the master the current doctor's body is secondary.

"Doesn't matter which face he was wearing, they're all the Doctor to me."

And they are, in fact, all the Doctor.

[pirateshelly]

One thing that really fascinates me about interview with the vampire (the show) is this sort of tension between power and powerlessness in all of the characters. Because it doesn't present becoming a vampire as something that just gives you power and magically makes you completely detached from all human concerns and struggles.

And that seems to be something Lestat does very much want to believe, and he's in enough of a position of privilege that he's able to convince himself it's true, and it's a fundamental area where he just cannot understand Louis because Louis CAN'T pretend even if he wants to. (And of course Lestat cannot ACTUALLY separate himself from "human troubles" the way he likes to think he can, he just has an easier time pretending than most). Because as much as becoming a vampire grants these characters supernatural power it doesn't just magically take away the very tangible human ways that they were previously vulnerable or powerless.

Becoming a vampire doesn't negate Louis' struggles with racism; in some ways it amplifies them with how he is alienated from his own family and community; his closest connection becomes Lestat. He loses his economic independence and becomes socially dependent on Lestat in a way he wasn't to anyone as a human because in some ways becoming a vampire made him MORE vulnerable, despite granting him physical strength/speed/etc. The promise of freedom in vampirism Lestat presents to Louis (that I do think he does genuinely mean, but "freedom" means very different things to Louis than it does to Lestat) is never fulfilled.

Likewise Claudia learns the hard way with Bruce and later with the coven that she may be a vampire but the world still looks at her and sees a vulnerable young black girl and that will always put her in danger.

Claudia rescues Madeleine then turns her into a vampire, but rather than protect her from future harm the "crime" of turning her becomes the very thing that gets her killed by yet another angry mob.

And 514 years as a vampire will never be enough for Armand to truly trust or believe in his own power. Because the first 200 or so years of his life he was literally never once allowed any agency at all over his own identity or his own body (child slave sold to a brothel, sold to an abusive master, captured and violently indoctrinated into a vampire cult for centuries). No amount of material strength and power is going to undo the psychological effects of that. (And I know some people like to read his frequently passive demeanor as simply manipulation and a way of catching people off guard (because how could someone so old and powerful possibly feel a genuine sense of fear/vulnerability/etc 🙄) but to me that's an incredibly disingenuous reading of him. But that's a different rant for another time!). Being a vampire does not save him from being horrifically abused, nor does it save him from the lasting emotional effects of that abuse.

And I think there's something interesting to be said about the way that, in order to survive safely, they have to feed on the most vulnerable members of society (people undesirable and therefore least likely to arouse suspicion) in order to go unnoticed. If they want to live they have to prey on those vulnerable in possibly the same ways they themselves once were (and in many ways still are).

There's a frequent argument I dislike that we shouldn't be viewing any of these characters through too human of a lense because they're literal monsters (to be honest it's an argument I see most often made when people simply don't want to talk about the show's complex depiction of racism/misogyny/abuse/etc and used to dismiss those as issues "too human" to be relevant to a story about a bunch of monsters with a supposedly alien sense of morality), but I think the show itself makes a huge argument that for these characters there is no escaping or separating themselves from the very human struggles and vulnerabilities that marked them before they ever became vampires. It's like a sort deconstructed power fantasy.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

be constantly in own world for me (level 2/3 autism) mean like. think pretty much only about self. understand only self. entire world just me n special interest, sometimes/often times not even include own basic needs, like “hair greasy clump body itchy need shower” (unconsciously feel bad sensory, n make very uncomfortable annoyed easily frustrated, but don’t consciously know am feeling extra irritated or that am feel this way because need shower). n world often limited to thing in front of me. n sometimes not even include thing in front of me. see it (as in physically capable of vision) but not see it. n thing, people, any that not put infront of me for while, stop realize they existed in first place.

n be in own world, only think only able know self, mean that, see self as normal, as norm. everyone (this abstract concept of other people that have memorized like you memorize history fact for test), everyone like me. not even “am like everyone,” but that everyone is like me. everyone same ability as me. everyone think like me.

“everyone think like that to extent”

right. to extent. thing is am far greater than that normal “extent”

to point that average day, ask me, n would only able explain that, “think everyone same ability as me, everyone think like me. everyone exist like me.” stay at vague generalization because not able think any deeper not able think of examples. to give example in this situation mean on some level need have ability understand “am think this normal but others may think it abnormal for them”. n. most times not have ability to second part, because in own world theory of mind.

sometimes try force it. try really hard force it. try really hard think, look at other people, try make sense try find what exact different. but can’t force something not have ability. so go back rely on scripting. sometimes advanced scripting n rephrased scripting.

special interest in something social-related let me cheat little bit. appear more capable. like break down complex autism community disability community dynamics. but am videotaping camera. computer analyzing research data. not participant. it thankfully happen, but it only happen because special interest allow it be part of own world, n it only part of own world because can only see these (supposedly very humanly n organic n messy) interactions as flow charts, maps, equations, inanimate objects. closest metaphor may be, with this special interest lens that allow these social dynamics enter own world, am looking at these “people” these social dynamics similar to regular person playing the sims n thinking of sims character made out of code that they control.

rare rare times able suddenly realization of outside world. usually happen in flash. n then end. n then left to chase that feeling trying so hard remember what it felt like so can memorize it like another history fact to memorize for test removed from source removed from emotion, to make self appear know what am talking about know more than am capable of, next time someone ask, “isn’t everyone like this?”

just had flash of that that lead to write this whole thing. but already gone. something about… “those funny ‘gen z fix up work force’ stories. they actually people same age as me?’” something about sudden realize what people my age my life stage expected do usually do. something about think am so normal but actually am missing out “so many” things (what things?).

friend tell me “by be young person who severely disabled you missing out so much on same age activities”. n. inside think, (i am but) “don’t know. …am i?” n for it be genuine question, or disbelief question.

n respond with “haha, yea.”

it not lying. it just script. am don’t know what my script means.

don’t follow up by ask me “so what you think you missing out on?”

don’t know. don’t have that script (a script am don’t know meaning to) yet that make other people think am understand, either.

[please don’t say you “relate” or “feel same” “this me” or similar unless am know who you are.]

[urgardenandmine]

a healing touch ❀ (pt. ii) - t. raeken

summary: theo raeken is a very helpful mentor (for once) genre: SMUT LIKE SMUTTTT 🔞 (very long porn with plot so like if you don't like too many words, i am so sorry) pairing: m!reader/gn!reader x theo raeken word count: 3.4K part one here!

walking through the door to theo’s room, you took in the whole feel of his room. at first glance from the outside, you saw his “house” which was a simple beige color. it had nothing special on the outside, it was simply just a regular house that he somehow lived in (which was a topic of discussion for another time). 

as you entered his room, you took in the weird and somewhat floral scent that was in the room. it was almost as if it was a parfum than a cologne, but it had small hints of sandalwood and vanilla. it wasn’t overbearing but it differently was a surprise to the nose as you walked into his room. you had pegged him for more of a cologne guy, something with a strong scent of cedarwood; as it was a more stronger scent men would go for (well, men like theo). complementing the cedarwood, you expected him to also smell of cinnamon. scrunching your nose, you shrugged off the scent as you looked around the room to scan what theo raeken was really like.

in his room, the walls were a hazelwood color. along with that, he didn’t have much on his walls that gave it a personality. only thing on the wall was a supposedly decomposing board that had scott’s pack on it (now including you, mason and corey) but i mean…better than a hit-list he used to have? next to that was the simple cover for the “dread doctors” book, causing a shiver to run down your genetically modified spine. he noticed, seeing you stare at it, lost in thought.

“oh yeah, i forgot about that.” he mumbled, brushing past you to take it down gently. noticing your uncomfortability, theo had unpinned the cover and placed it onto his desk. for a safety measure, he placed his binder on top of it. seeing him do something human made you snap out of your trance, as your eyes followed him as he made sure the one corner of the cover was not visible to you. turning his head back to you, he had seen you staring at him. chuckling, he then pulled out his chair from under his desk and sat on it, his legs wide open as he leaned back with his arms crossed. blushing softly, your eyes darted somewhere as you continued to examine the other chimera’s room. 

his bed was…something else. that being a simple bed sheet, one pillow and a very sheer blanket. your face was very evident that this was no way to live but who could blame him considering he probably stole these from someone. while you were lost in thought, theo examined your body language (and your body). he had noticed you were more relaxed than earlier, being next to the other three, you were almost as stiff as a possum playing dead. along with that, you had been dealing with the constant bodily aches and migraines. now with theo, you seemed calmer and were almost more relaxed. it was as if you had everything lifted off of your shoulders. 

while minding your business, you then felt hands sneakily wrap around your waist. jumping and then freezing in place, you felt the “assailant’s” hands interlock as he had then rested them on your waistband. you felt his chin rest on your shoulder, hearing him take a deep inhale followed by a soft growl. feeling yourself slowly get turned on, you pushed past the human gate keeping you trapped as you then backed yourself against his nightstand. making eye contact with him, there was a sense of disappointment and small frustration on his face. 

clearing your throat, you sat down slowly on his bed trying not to seem nervous.

“s-so, why am i here?” you asked. this time around, you weren’t as venomous as usual. theo smirked, mentally praising himself for the idea to bring you somewhere you could finally be alone with him. he sat back down on his swivel chair, his arms again once more crossed.

“again, surprised why scott didn’t mention anything to you. i mean you're practically radiating it and even liam could smell it on you. it’s just so…”

as he trailed off, his words were laced with anger. though, not wanting to burst, he clenched his fists tightly.

“okay, but what is heat. like i don’t think scott or liam know.” you spoke, trying to distract him from his thoughts. looking at you with his hazel orbs, he soon burst out laughing. glaring at him, you rolled your [e/c] eyes as you then sat criss cross on his bed, slipping your shoes off beforehand. catching his breath, he then wiped a tear from his eye as he looked at you once more. 

“they didn’t tell you because they can’t fuck you like i can.” he stated, bluntly. 

“...what.” 

theo rose from his chair, slowly removing his jacket and tossing it to the floor as he then walked over to you. looking up, you took in short breaths as theo licked his lips, looking down at you. 

“only the alpha can fuck his omega.” theo stated clearly. your mind began to race, as did your heart rate. theo chuckled, soon sitting beside you as he then sighed.

“it works like this. werewolves and other creatures have things called “heats,” where well…you needa get fucked. omegas and betas have heats, alphas have ruts. alphas don’t wanna get fucked, they need to fuck.”

following along, you nodded aimlessly as your brain kept trying to process the idea of what he was saying. was this why you had the urge to randomly “relieve yourself” in the showers? theo looked at you, seeing your blank face yet heard your heart rate be faster than a rocket.

“think about it, haven’t you been extremely and incredibly horny?” he asked, causing you to think back. it had began earlier last week, when you had randomly been digging yourself out in bed from two A.M. to then five A.M., making you almost miss class. now, you then also remembered how often you thought of theo…

fuck, he was your alpha.

“wait, so…why you of all people?! i don’t like…uh”

you couldn’t think of a lie fast enough. theo laid down, his hands under his head as he relaxed. 

“like i said, only an alpha can plow his omega, and considering you were mine first then scott’s, you don’t really belong. besides, i bet i can make you cream in an instant.”

“as if this talk isn’t making me already- anyways! listen, i don’t understand what this-”

before you could finish, you felt his lips being pressed against yours. rather than fighting it, your body had somewhat relaxed. processing the moment, your eyes slowly shut as if your body knew this is what would make you feel better. thinking on what theo said, all your mind could do was race as you felt his soft, baby pink lips be placed onto yours. reciprocating, you two were now doing a full-blown make out sesh.

crawling on top of you, theo then had shimmied his hands under your ass as he cupped it gently, giving it a squeeze. in doing so, he had drawn a soft moan from your own lips, causing him to slowly get more aroused by the second. theo then squeezed harder, making you shiver as you arched your back. seeing your vulnerability in this moment, he had moved his lips to your neck. sucking on your weak spots gently, you began to get flustered and wrapped your arms around his neck, your elbows placed on his burly shoulders. dragging his tongue from your neck to your earlobe, he had found the right spot. 

“oh, fuck~.” you mewled, making theo get harder than a metal baseball bat. removing his hands from your tight as a drum cheeks, he slowly unbuttoned his pants and then took out his large bulge from his boxers. looking down in between the small space you two left each other, you could practically hear it calling to you. feeling theo’s warm tongue slowly slow down, you began to whine as you then turned your head to immediately attach your lips to his. he was taken aback, yet gave into the kiss as he then lifted you and positioned you both to where your head was now on his singular pillow…

he needs more pillows.

pulling away, theo then slinked off the rest of his pants as he then slowly unbuttoned yours. allowing you to catch your breath, you arched your back again in pleasure as his hands soon made their way into your inner thigh. he could feel your arousal peaking, seeing how much of a needy mess you were down there. he then slowly spread your legs apart, leaving on your underwear on as his tongue began to kiss your thigh where the linen had stopped. you let out a loud whimper, looking down at him as he then made eye contact with you. he chuckled, grazing you softly with his pearly white teeth. leaving a small kiss on your thigh, he then slowly pulled himself back up to meet your eyes filled with want. 

now facing you, theo’s eyes were glimmering. it was as if he was waiting for this…and maybe he was? he had mentioned how that you were his and if you were being honest, he was kind of more caring towards you. you had no idea why but even when he was “with” tracy, you had always felt that he never cared for her other than wanting her power. as for you? he rarely laid a hand on you. you couldn’t lie as well that you didn’t want this. as he took his time taking in the sight underneath him, the pain came back and you began to whine. gripping onto his shoulder, theo snickered as he could smell your scent rising in his room. letting the pain pass, you took in a whiff of your own and smelled the same scent from earlier even stronger now. it was almost as if it was right in front of you…

it was him. the boy now on top of you, with his hard on out and his hands on your ass once more. the smell that was in the room was theo. as much as you wanted to think it was disgusting, your brain had denied it and you were almost fucking drunk on it. theo took a small whiff of you, kissing your neck softly and in small increments. 

“you smell like…like mine. you smell like rose and fucking lust and so much fucking jasmine.” 

hearing this side of theo become all possessive made something in you awaken. before opening your mouth, the pain had occurred again. you began to cry softly as you gasped softly, allowing theo to suck on your neck and leave hickies. as he did so, your body temperature began to rise and so did the neediness he had mentioned earlier. theo slinked down once more, now slowly removing your underwear as he mumbled a soft “fuck me.”

you were a sight for him. as he looked at you now half-naked, with your legs sprawled open and your entrance practically slick as a fucking used sex toy, theo could barely contain himself. he gulped, seeing his little precious omega practically become more and more dazed, just wanting one thing. the hazel eyed boy then whipped out his girthy and veined cock. he then yanked off his tank top, looking down at you as he was standing and just breathing in the scent of the room. aware of his own scent, he had now noticed the smell of you he mentioned earlier, mixing in the air. making his way back between your legs, he looked at you longingly. this wasn’t the theo you had grown to know from the days with the dread doctors. this was the boy who wanted to do a simple thing with his crush, with his omega…

caressing you softly as he heard the noises you made from your head overflowing with lust and the new sensations, he made sure you knew he would be gentle until he couldn’t. apart from his knowledge on how an omega acts during heat, he knew how he would act. not only being a wolf, he was also a coyote. coyotes and wolves were the same alike, in the sense they were possessive and would keep going to get what they wanted. paired beautifully with theo’s needs to breed you, you were in for a treat.

sucking on his index finger, he then gently inserted his finger into you. both of your hands came to cover your face, causing him to grin. as he felt you tighten around him, he kissed your thigh softly to slowly comfort you. your lips were open, letting out a string of moans as he then noticed you were becoming more loose. feeling this, he slowly moved his finger in and out of you, causing you to spill his name repeatedly like a sinner in a church.

theo bit his lip, then slowly inserting his middle finger, seeing how slick you were from the pleasure that he was giving you. 

“oh my- fuck!” you shouted, causing you to cover your mouth, thinking someone could walk in at any moment. theo, seeing this, slowly pushed his fingers into the deepest part he could reach without hurting you. you tightened around him, your legs now shaking as he then slowly sat up. your leg in between his knees, theo was angled as he leaned down and looked at you, beginning to pick up the pace on his hand yet keeping the same depth he reached earlier. he saw the face you made, your eyes closing tightly as he smirked softly.

“don’t worry, baby. it’s just me and you right now, right here. no one else will know. let it all out for me, kitten.”

hearing your alpha reassure you, your hands then hit the sheets, gripping them as you began to let out cries of joy and pleasure from him hitting the right spot over and over again. theo was at this point teasing himself, his tip leaking from the sight below him. slowly removing his fingers, theo then sat you up sloppily as he helped you remove your clothes. laying back down gently, theo then placed himself in-between your legs, now your legs around his waist and his tip kissing your entrance. 

he had placed one arm under your back and propped you up, lifting you up gently. his other hand was occupied as he was stroking himself, looking at you as you avoided his gaze. 

“look at me, kitten.” theo whispered, needing to see your face before he went any further. you were both at the point of no-return, but he needed to see you before he finalized this between you two. turning your head, your eyes were flashing their bright green, showing you were a complete mess with no control over yourself right now. theo smirked, letting out a soft exhale as he then looked down to your hole and his dick. 

taking in a deep inhale, you felt him slowly push past your ring. though you felt a small twinge of pain, you were so slick, it was as if he was entering slime. theo took in a sharp breath, trying his best not to ram it into you. looking at you, you were staring down at his crotch, seeing his tip now inside you. feeling his eyes on you, your now [e/c] eyes had a look of approval. nodding, theo then “quickly” pushed the rest of him in you. 

“yes~, fuck baby.” theo growled, both arms now holding you up and squeezing you as you let out a small yelp. you felt him, all of him. feeling delirious, you could’ve sworn he was in your stomach (but he was probably just a good ol’ eight inches). theo closed his eyes, thinking you needed time to adjust…

boy, was he wrong.

in an instant, theo let out moans and saw you begin to fuck yourself on his dick. you began to mumble obscenities, a symphony of moans and simple “fuck me’s.” theo sucked in a breath, moaning as he let you ruin yourself. you were going faster than he imagined, almost needing you to slow down as he didn’t want to ruin you too quickly. your hands became fists, balling up the bedsheet as you threw your head back and began to get louder with each bounce.

“nngh! fuck, fuck, fuck~!” you began to whine more and more, causing theo’s possessive side to slowly rear it’s sexy head. your hands then were placed on his shoulders, now looking up at him as theo’s face was almost stoic. though you wanted to ask him what was wrong, your body wasn’t listening. your head then looked down and saw the sight below, seeing yourself plop up and down on his girthy cock. 

hearing growling, theo then began to grab your waist tighter. he then stopped you from bouncing on it, making you feel frustrated. as you looked up, you saw a new sight of theo.

he was now transformed, his eyes bright yellow as his mouth was open. his fangs prominent, as well as his sideburns were as well the usual length when transformed. rather then feeling frightened, your hand then cupped his cheek. theo, aware and in control, leaned down to kiss you passionately. in doing so, he began to thrust into you without a care in the world. 

moaning into your alpha’s lips, you began to throw your arms around his back and tightened around him. you had never expected this to be happening, having yourself being stretched out by theo raeken’s girthy and veiny dick. picking up the pace, theo began to growl as he kissed you and shoved himself in deeper, almost reaching your stomach yet it wasn’t? it felt different, yet it felt as if your body had needed this. 

theo’s breathing began to become ragged, seemingly now moving at a pace than was almost harder than you would have imagined. the room was filled with the sound of his skin hitting yours, your moans and his growls. slowing down, he began to pace himself and you two were in this position for what seemed to be an hour. not pulling for a second, you two were locked with one another.

as the sun began to set, you found yourself almost seven orgasms in this three hour ordeal. he was a sweaty mess and you were there to catch it all. though both your throats were dry, your lips never broke contact. theo then growled louder, picking up the pace as he then began to whimper. feeling his body become somewhat smaller, you began to hear him whimper as he then bit your bottom lip. pulling away, theo looked into your eyes longingly as you moaned like a song on repeat. 

“fuck, fuck! [y/n], i’m getting so- shit! so fucking close, kitten.” theo informed you, his eyes still a bright yellow. though his sideburns and fangs were gone, he was looking at you as your alpha. you choked back a sob, feeling your next orgasm coming. theo’s breathing became hitched, feeling you tighten once more. looking at him, you then began to beg loudly.

“t-theo! breed me, please…alpha.” you cried out. hearing you call him your alpha, he yelled out loudly as he shoved his cock as deep as he could. you arched your back once more, your eyes flashing their werejaguar green as you felt him fill up a part of you to the brim. as he came, you felt him get bigger, almost inhumanely big as he began to plug your hole. moaning loudly, theo threw his body on top of your’s, breathing heavily as he continued to unload. 

rubbing his back, you chuckled and kissed his ear gently. as your alpha heard you giggle, he pushed himself up gently to make eye contact with you. he was back to his normal self, yet he was still unloading in you. you looked down, feeling it continue and groaned softly, a bit confused as to why he wasn’t pulling out. 

“theo.”

“hm, baby?”

“why are you still going and why aren’t you pulling out…”

“oh, uh…”

let’s just say, that next day, theo was almost ripped apart once scott and liam had explained “knotting” and “mating” to you. though you were mad at the knot part and being a teen parent, you could live with mating with theo raeken for the rest of your life.

⋆｡°✩

hope my second smut work was like good for y'all! i don't like really know how to explain lots on sex so i apologize if the position sounds goofy TT

this is literally porn with plot.

this is my first as well m!"preg" and omegaverse typa work so if y'all like it, lemme knaur and i'll do some more!

side note: he looks so fine in that picture like BARK BARK BARK

[ceilidho]

Bestie, personally, I fucking LOVE the idea of Ghoap x You but Soap & You x Ghost???? God tier, S Tier, pussy breaking shit. But like…slightly toxic?

Soap using Ghost’s attraction to you to get into Ghost’s pants? Soap feeding Ghost not-quite-correct information about how you supposedly feel about Ghost to spend more time with him.

All of this culminating into Ghost and you in a mating press but like. Your head in Soap’s lap while he kisses Ghost above you 🤪

Toxic, attention-whore Soap is my new God

I feel like a lot of people view Soap as very "pretty boy, cocky, not much going on upstairs, just goofy, lovable, and an all around funny boy" but like. not even getting into just how clever and sly and intelligent he really is (in a different way than someone more academic like Gaz or Price), he's absolutely got something wrong with him that we just don't really ever get into.

Cocky, arrogant, attention whore who knows he already has most of Ghost's confidence but then uses his attraction to you (because he sees it as soon as it comes; he makes a habit of studying Ghost and watching his every move, so as stone cold as Ghost usually is, Soap is the first one to notice the signs of him being interested in you, the way his eyes follow you, the way they pull down your body for a beat longer than they should) in his favour.

Soap who tells Ghost that he'll be in the other room, but then on the day of, suddenly he wants to be in the room with you, "just to make sure you're comfortable, kitty," he says, damp palms clutching your shoulders. That look in his eyes again, like there's something he isn't telling you. But he says he'll sit in the armchair on the other side of the room, so Ghost reluctantly loses a bit of the tension that had been building up.

Until he suddenly has to be on the bed with you, stroking your hair back :(( just because he wants to see his pretty girl and check up on her. especially since you're whining and panting so much, having to take a big lug like Ghost. or maybe he thinks you need something to occupy your pretty mouth so you aren't so focused on where Ghost is splitting you in half.

and that's when his energy changes a bit. that's when Soap goes from concerned boyfriend to staring Ghost straight in the eyes, knowing that Ghost has to either look at him or look at his cock in your mouth. and he's not tactful about it. goes on and on about "look how well she takes dick, Si; she's a good girl, huh?" "I taught her that, y'know?"

conversely, he thinks he's being sneaky, but Ghost knows exactly what he's doing. and who's he to brush off a pretty man like Soap when he's vying so hard for Ghost's attention :\\ he'll let him sweat a bit longer, let him get so desperate that he'll let Ghost do whatever he wants with him, but until then, he's got you under him to take off the edge.

[crying-fantasies]

Space colonization

Masterlist

One of the many first things the cybertronians found out once they contacted humanity is the general idea of “aliens” (not the xenophobic streak, mind you”).

Space is a great adventure with many types of, supposedly, friendly or understandable aliens, and the fear of the unknown, while present, is put on hold by the idealization of deep space adventures, don't get him wrong, there are indeed nice living forms out there, especially if they don't shot you down at first glance, then there are indeed nightmares that wouldn't think twice before swallowing down a human whole and still kicking for its life, the mere memory makes him shudder and his plating to stand a little, perturbed by the way his patrons cheer at the human actor scoring a perfect shot, winning the war or whatever.

Blurr has seen an earthling fish with more precision without so much effort.

Cringing inside when in the next movie of the marathon humans are on the outside of a different planet, with no exosuits, no oxygen, and no preservation for their lives when they start calling out to someone in the middle of a literal, more than possibly, lethal jungle in a deadly planet with human infants around, infants they let roam around as the mere image of such stupidity almost makes him weak on his stabilizer servos joints; if you were in such conditions he is sure his spark couldn't take it, even in the city you still need your 20 kilos exosuit just to not implode from the inside out or freezing to death if the collapse of your tiny lungs doesn't kill you first, humans are so easily broken and their needs are endless, he doesn't imply that you are hard to live with, well, only a little, your constant need of organic food is worrisome not because of your necessity to ingest other living things but that, if by some terrible mistake, your rations don't come in time, you will be bound to fall at the mercy of the infections waiting at every corner, unruly humans keep introducing viruses to the population even planets apart and Blurr is equal parts amazed and almost drowning in worry by the fact an earthling tiny, orange, acid, and sweet orb can be a great difference in the improvement your immune system, but it makes sense as he noticed how it pops fuel rich in components your body needs to feed off, he can sense the ease filling your EMF with the familiarity such components hold and nurture your body, fruits are important for cybertronians too, well, before the war exterminated all the energy plants that beared fruit rich in energon pumped by the roots from the very core of Cybertron.

Mechs laugh, then shout in an amazed daze, humans are so creative, so free in their fictional liberties, yet again, these movies were done way before they interacted with real aliens, Blurr still remembers, the eyes of astonished surprise and the ones showing deep despair, cutting fear that makes one realize that yeah, you aren't alone, but still, that never gave them the right to shot first.

Maybe if he tried to appear less intimidating… never mind, his experience with humans was horrid at best, then horrendous the next, the fear of what those little but vicious creatures could do to them in their stranded state, but he can not say they all are the same, he remembers, nice humans, but also how those nice humans leaked to dead on his servos, asking for mercy, and all he could do was watch more being killed by their peers.

The woes of first contact, the friends that he never had the chance to call as such just by being so guarded, Lucas was a kind human, he really was, taking part of his time to try and make him feel more comfortable in the terrible situation everyone was in, and sometimes he overthinks, if he had talked more with him, things would have gone different? He could still hear him, could still see his body leaking, bleeding on the floor, he could feel the warmth of his living fluid staining his armor, all Blurr could do for his friend was to hold him, not knowing what to say, his life simply escaped with every drop falling in between his digits.

Humans aren't made for contact with other species, never had, they don't have an armor to protect them, their bodies are tender, fragile, their minds, while sharp and fast, can't even wrap itself in the fact they can not just take and not give.

They are like cybertronians, but so much more exposed to everything.

Being reminded of the delicate state of humanity makes him scoff once again at the movies, outwardly adventures, and dangerous life-or-death missions, Blurr is relieved that you don't go down that same path your people seem to idolize and is quickly uprooted by the next movie, where humans, even with all their depravity, fall victims to the unruly wilderness or sterile nature of the unknown space, the actors are so good that one could feel their desperation and horror, the dream shattered, making some emphatic to them and their gut twisting desperation at the lack of basic pleasures, “humans sure have it hard, huh”

Humans like you are more realistic than the ones in those movies, Earth is still a mess, people are fighting one another, only a few can cross the space bridge and work offers for humans in Cybertron are almost non-existent except for the restoration of the Titan, you had worked to the bone and he had found you in a weakened state imposed by your lack of self-preservation and the sheer necessity that kept you going forward.

Soon again he realizes, with a faint flush of energon under his faceplate, that he has come to respect and look up at you, feeling proud of being bonded to a hard-working and no-nonsense mate.

You are happy with the basic needs and the occasional entertainment, which is a blessing and boredom at the same time, he can always find himself welcome in the coziness of your shared living space but is also more than sure to have you say no to another quick vacation to Velocitron, reminding him that while, yeah, winning there is awesome, the praise intoxicating, but it is also hella expensive and as you said “if you want to buy nightmare fuel again, we must cut in the money wasting”, sometimes you talk like Swindle, making him ponder about his preferences in partners, like, really? But well, he does like the change in his life, the newfound peace, Blurr looks back at your “break spot”, full of blankets and fluffy or hard pillows, similar to a nest and he can't help but smile, knowing that your need for such requirements is also by the new spark hiding under your heart, content to look after you caught a break as your toes start to swell with time and the weight added to your small but sturdy frame, “Yeah…”

Humans aren't built for deep space, but he appreciates living with you and soon with the light you're assembling, hopefully soon.

[ddrqoyote]

Naruto Eight Gates Headcanon

i was wondering what each of the Eight Gates in naruto actually do, because we know a couple of them have different effects but for most of them it's never clear what they do besides "the last one but more". so i made a headcanon. this is basically the overly in-depth explanation i expected to find in one of the many fanmade naruto ttrpgs this week and didn't. so here you go.

The Gate of Opening. This gate removes the brain's safety limiters on the muscles, enhancing usable strength. The potential side effect is full-body muscle strain.

The Gate of Healing. This gate turns off the ability to feel exhaustion. The potential side effect is a hard crash when the gate is closed and the user feels all the extra exhaustion they accumulated. In extreme cases a user who doesn't know their limits can work themselves to death. (a) This is the highest level that can be used with no side effects. Someone very aware of their body could control their movements to avoid muscle strain and pace themselves to avoid exhaustion. Above this level there are side effects just from activating the technique.

The Gate of Life. Normally, the heart can't pump blood efficiently past a certain heart rate. The Gate of Life significantly increases that maximum rate and lets the user maintain it for longer, increasing how hard they can work. The resulting high blood pressure turns the skin red and will make wounds bleed faster than normal, and can cause a host of cardiovascular problems if used too long. Taijutsu masters are extremely fit people, so they can stand the pressure more easily than most, but it is still dangerous even for them.

The Gate of Pain. The First Gate supposedly lets the user use all their muscle strength, but really the pain would probably stop them before significant tearing happened. The Gate of Pain dulls muscle pain, granting them a full five times regular strength at the cost of more severe tears with longer recovery time. Since the Third Gate is also active, it's really more than five times regular strength.

The Gate of Limit. The first four gates have pushed the muscles to their absolute limits. The last four go beyond them. This gate lets the muscles cannibalize fat and protein stores from the rest of the body to enhance their strength, and because this is a chakra technique it happens far faster than would normally be possible. The mechanism is similar to the Akimichi Clan's Calorie Control, though whether the Akimichis got the idea from the Gates is unknown. This gate increases muscle strength beyond what the bones can handle. The First and Fourth Gates have this problem to a point, but damage is much more likely here. If the user has insufficient chakra to fortify their bones, as Rock Lee did, throwing a punch or kick will break them on impact, and even other movements can damage connected bones, which is how he got bone fragments stuck in his spinal cord.

The Gate of View. This gate is highly unusual and harder to learn than the first five. The gut bacteria have a certain intelligence and effect on the brain. A great deal of the less strictly vital parts of the autonomic nervous system are near the stomach. The Gate of View redirects that processing power to the brain and voluntary nerves for combat. The user's senses and reaction time are enhanced, and their form becomes perfectly controlled, directing force only in the exact direction they want it with no wasted energy. An already-strong user can do things like set the air on fire with their blows because their force is so concentrated. However, this is the first gate that can directly kill the user. Someone without strong body awareness and training in the first five gates might transfer all their autonomic nerve processing power to their brain, even their heartbeat! Or it might go to the wrong areas and make important organs go out of control. Even for someone ready for it, this gate can cause headache or even brain damage, especially since the brain is already strained by the Third Gate's blood flow. It also causes some embarrassing digestive issues; the less said about those the better.

The Gate of Wonder. The base of the spine holds the root chakra, the foundation of the spiritual body. Chakra is formed from physical energy the body produces and spiritual energy cultivated through training and meditation. By unlocking the root chakra, one unlocks the production of physical energy, forcing every cell to produce an enormous amount. This is a similar principle to the Uchihas' Susanoo, except the excess chakra is kept in the body. All physical stats are enhanced, but the force of the chakra puts pressure on all body parts in addition to the effects of the other six gates, like the tree-walking technique directed inward from everywhere in the body. This gate is a major ordeal even for a master. It will always incapacitate the user and put their whole body in intense pain when it is done.

The Gate of Death. Imagine trying to force your whole life into a few minutes like pushing putty through a funnel. This most esoteric of the Gates doesn't just enhance some body function; it compresses years of future vitality into minutes, boosting strength and speed and chakra a hundredfold. This overclocking makes the body temperature ridiculously high, and anyone besides a master will be cooked from inside the instant they activate it. Even on a successful activation, their body temperature will boil their blood and it will steam out through their pores, creating a gory red aura. Their skin will be as hot as molten metal. If it doesn't instantly kill the user, they will be the strongest and fastest person in the world for the last minutes of their life. Even a Tailed Beast doesn't compare to a taijutsu master amplified so far. The side effect is, of course, death. Eventually the temperature will be too much for anyone and they will be left a charred husk. Even if the user is resurrected by the Rinnegan or otherwise miraculously healed, they have permanently burned out their ability to create chakra and use any shinobi techniques.

[shinewerst]

Here I will leave some of my thoughts, guesses and headcanons. Some of them may be stupid and unreasonable, but I will share them with you anyway.

I've noticed that a lot of people headcanon Earth and Moon or Earth and Venus as siblings. And I partially agree with this. But here are my thoughts on this matter: They are celestial bodies and they do not have siblings in the usual sense, but since they live for a very long time, over billions of years of being close to each other, they can develop family feelings for each other. But only if they are always close. Therefore, most often this occurs between a planet and its moons or between several moons of one planet. This is unlikely to happen between planets, since each of them is in its own orbit, perhaps double planets are an exception. Therefore, I headcanon the Moon and Earth as brothers, Phobos and Deimos too, and Mars as their guardian. (Earth and Venus may be somehow connected, but not family) It's more difficult with gas giants. I believe that when their moons are too numerous and constantly increasing in number, they stop keeping track of them and treat them more like decorations. But Idk.

In the Solar System, having life is supposedly cool and the Earth is proud of it, Venus dreams of it, etc. but it seems to me that in other systems the attitude towards this may be different. For example, I have an oc exoplanet and in her home system this was not considered something cool. They literally treated it like lice lol.

Planets/stars/satellites do not speak any of the earth’s languages, but their own. But different systems have something like their own accents and dialects. So my oc speaks a little differently from them.

In different parts of the universe, the appearance of the planets changes and what the planets will look like usually depends on the star (I'm talking specifically about planethumans).

For the planet/star and satellites, love is something deeper than for earthlings. This is very strong, sensual.

I also noticed how in many fanfictions characters call Proto-Earth that way. But it seems to me that the term “Proto-Earth” itself appeared after his death, namely the collision with Theia and the appearance of the “new Earth”. Before that, everyone simply called him Earth.

Each of them has its own axis tilt, right? They don't really follow it, especially in the planethumans format, so I made a headcanon about them sleeping on their slants. So, Venus sleeps upside down, huh?

The Earth speaks all earthly languages and knows the stages of evolution of almost every creature on his surface, although sometimes he himself may be confused about this. His past memories are slowly fading. He does not remember how he and the Moon appeared, he does not remember that there could have been life on Venus before. I imagine him periodically reading a book about dinosaurs because he doesn't want to forget about them.

I like to think that Mars used to be a bad-tempered asshole, but Earth doesn't remember that. Mars himself does not want to remember this at all, since he has already grown out of it.

Probably the Earth became the way we see him because of humans. Perhaps he was different before. I imagine him as a sweet and kind planet who does his best to care for his friends and his little brother. But when he changed, Luna continued to love him like a brother and care for him in return.

Earth usually tells others only the good side of earthlings, but usually he complains to the Moon about how much he is hurt, about how they are starting another war and doing other terrible things. Therefore, the Moon is much more tolerant of the Earth; he must be the only one who knows how hard it is for him.

Venus is jealous of the Earth and everyone has already understood this. I like to think that Venus, after losing life on its surface, feels the need to protect Earth and its inhabitants.

Luna is aroace. Just because for some reason it seems to me that dating someone just doesn’t suit him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll create a second part cause I might have forgotten something :p

[kandadze]

Ep 29 loose thoughts

Oof, Li Lun's really on his last legs, eh? I do feel sorry for him, but I feel even worse for Bai Jiu - locked up inside his own body, poisoned, forced to ingest human livers, coughing up blood and dying. Can this kid get a break, please.

It's funny to me how ZYC might have figured out ZYZ's ruse because of his top-tier observation skills... or it might have been because he pays *that* much attention to the demon. I guess we'll never know 😅

It's heartbreaking in a way how well ZYZ knows LL, still, after all, and trusts him not to hurt Ying Lei, trusts LL to honor an emotional debt. Also, interesting how even while pointing a sword to ZYZ's throat, ZYC trusts him not to go to certain lengths for his goals... I keep saying this, but- the bonds in this drama! 😭

Is this really the time to walk away without saying anything, ZYZ? (I know, I know. It's so that they can break our hearts more thoroughly real soon.)

Oh okay. So even Wen Xiao doesn't know what exactly is wrong with her - don't you think that's kind of vital info you should've shared, Bai Yan daren? Ngl, I guffawed when ZYZ said, "I searched Wen Xiao's body etc," not sure if it's the translation that's lacking or what, but I'm pretty sure we all had the same thought about how thorough that search was 😝 On a more serious note though, is poison always the most powerful weapon of destruction in cdramas? Like ZYZ has the power to heal stab wounds and vein cuts that would otherwise be lethal, but he can't do shit about poison?

Thanks for explaining why she wasn't there when the gang came back with the scale, I thought it was so weird for Bai Yan to just leave like that when she was supposedly the one to tell them how it works. (Still not sure why it had to be her and not Ying Long or even the princess Longyu herself, but oh well.)

Yes, that's why ZYZ stole the scale. The never ending variations on the trolley problem in this drama (I think I saw someone mention it re the Bingyi cave and then it happened again in ep 28, and now it's happening again)!

"It's hard." And? That doesn't mean it's impossible, right? Bai Yan, *please* speak plainly and in full sentences, because instead of raising tension you're raising my blood pressure.

Ah, of course she would withhold that info if it meant saving her son. ZYC, going straight for jugular lol (gotta love the man, for him restoring the sword means not only getting Bai Jiu back but also saving his own life, and he still would choose not to go through with it if it meant losing ZYZ or, as he just found out, WX.) As a mother, she might have thought of letting her son know who she was when she still had a chance; she might have thought of a contigency plan in case something happened to her. They might have not been in this particular mess now, had *someone* made sure the kid didn't have to resort to making wild guesses, ultimately leading him to be lied to and exploited.

Wow, yeah, okay. I officially dislike both of Bai Jiu's parents now. Also, Bai Yan's words once again reinforce the difference between humans and demons/gods and how they think about time and bonds. ZYC might be a demon now, so technically his lifespan is way longer than human's, and still he might not live long enough to see the next incarnation of the Baize goddess; and even if he could, at this point his concern is the *current* incarnation, thank you very much, whereas BY's looking at the situation from a much wider perspective. Because of course both worlds will be involved. And I'm still with ZYC on this. (Unrelated, but I love Bai Yan's voice. It's not often we get to hear that low of a voice from a woman, and especially not in cdramas, as far as I can tell.)

Oh, fuck off. The fatalism rubs me the wrong way always, and coming from such a supposedly powerful being it's even more grating. (Not for the first time while watching this drama I get a flashback to reading Clamp's "X-1999," the set-up and tone is eerily similar.)

Well I guess I got my wish. Li Lun, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body, I feel for you and your longing. The white petals around them (white, for death and mourning), oh my heart. The fact that they kept switching the actors throughout his reflections made it even more painful. And then he goes and (indirectly) quotes ZYC, the bit about the lamp kept on for travellers... while Ying Lei can only listen and cry. Oof. Can't help but notice that he still focuses mostly on his own suffering, though... I guess it's fair, for all intents and purposes he still has a mentality of a hurt teenager.

The whiplash I got when he switched to, "if I die, I have to find someone to die with," ouch 🤣 Once a drama queen, always a drama queen, right, LL? Gotta find yourself the grandest stage for your final exit... am I ready to see that? (I adore his character song, btw, even though when I first heard it, it gave me a completely different image of what his character's going to be. Hmm.)

Again, fuck right off, Bai Yan. I kinda wish they showed us more of WX in that scene, but hey, I'll take ZYC's memories, too (probably the first time with a time stamp!). "You must live well." It's like a refrain at this point that they seem to cling to, the worse the circumstances get. And the care between them, I'll never be over the bonds we're being shown in this drama.

I relate to WX so much. Like I get the idea that some things are worth dying for and no one in the gang would hesitate to put their lives on the line. And still, WX wants to live. Staying alive is just as, if not more, difficult as dying. Staying alive while others leave is difficult. Only when you stay alive can you really change the narrative. (Also, can we please *stop* sitting on that goddamn bridge. Why are you even there when ZYC was clearly shown back at the Mount Kunlun? Come to think of it, I just realized that they seem to have completely forgotten about Ying Lei??? And where did PSJ go?)

"How is wanting to live not the right choice?" Funny, coming from you of all people, ZYZ. Will you make the right choice for yourself, then? Thank you, WX. Make him sit on that for a bit... Ngl, I cheered when she tore up that goddamned contract. I don't care if they get to kiss now or no, but I care that he won't have to experience a mild heart attack every time he focuses on his affection towards her. (Because I've never seen him look at her as you would a colleague, so technically his heart should've been acting up nonstop, unless the emphasis was on conscious intent on his part. I'd have to rewatch that ep to see if they actually mention the exact wording.)

Awww look at her boys going "I'll find a way" at the same time! I just hope I'm not gonna cry when their way turns out to be yet another self-sacrificial mission. Interesting, there's a bottle of wine and two cups sitting by ZYC, even though he seems to have been sitting there by himself for quite a while... is it going to be one of those tiny details that become relevant later? (I love how this drama makes me pay attention!)

Oh dear gods, I really hope this isn't what I think it is. ZYC!!!

GODDAMNIT IT IS, HE WENT TO SEE WZY BY HIMSELF, FUCKKKKKK

At this point in the story my sincere wish is that, if nothing else, we *will* get to see WZY dying a slow and horrible death. If *he* survives, I'm throwing this whole drama in the garbage. (Also, somehow I'm not in the slightest concerned about what ZYC's choice might be. I trust him this much.)

Lol the moment Bai Yan mentioned that the fire of the mortal world is not enough to forge ZYC's sword I totally went, "it has to be taken to the Mount Dooooooom!" 🤣

Huh, okay, I didn't expect the ever-burning wood to be necessary for this. That's how we know that we're close to the final boss battle, folks, the quests are getting more and more complex.

"Take it"??? Wait, is it that easy? Oh no, of course not. How did it *not* burn him up after all this time though, was it just chilling in his body without actually doing anything? Other than accidentally hurting LL with it, I don't think we've ever seen ZYZ use it in any way, either 🤔 Okay, so he needs the creation stone as well, okay-

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

That's the live reaction of yours truly at *that* visual of golden light blasting from ZYC's sword as he grasps it. Holyyyyyy shit, Guo Jingming, Silmarillion adaptation when????

Oh gods, their hands on that stone. Like in ZYZ's vision. I'm scared again. The image of ZYC morphing into LL and then back again!!! If you want ZYC to promise that he'd protect the Wilderness with you, then *you* better promise not to die, ZYZ! Also, could they be any more queer coded at this point? (Aww, WX, I want to give her a hug so badly. Where the hell is PSJ when you need her???)

I take that back, they can and currently are even more queer coded. ZYZ's face when ZYC prepares his drink for him with yet another jade pendant!!! This whole scene, starting with one of my favorite songs from the OST playing in the background, the soft focus, warm lights, close-ups of their faces, the way they gaze at each other... so beautiful. Of course there had to be some theatrics (ZYZ) and fond exasperation (ZYC) involved, too, that's just how they roll, and I'm eating it alllll up.

Did they *have* to go and draw the parallel to last drink and meal though? 😭 also, also, ZYC doing his best to emphasise that their "blood feud" is in the past! In how many ways does he have to tell you that he wants you to live before you get it, ZYZ?

I also remembered their conversation in ep 15, when ZYC asked how ZYZ could live with contradictions, and boy, is ZYC a walking paradox himself. His feelings seem so tangled and complex, but at the same time he's so clear eyed about them, and able to express them, even while saying that they're ineffable. And ZYZ's response! His face! ::head in hands::

The toasts broke me a bit. The way ZYZ hesitated for the longest time before downing his cup for the first toast. The goddamn *poetry* in ZYC's words, the goddamn eye contact throughout, the goddamn tension, HMH's goddamn face!  So good! 😭

!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay you know what? I think I'm getting better at this. There *was* the slight pause before the camera cut to WX and then back to our soulmates (they said it more than once now, I feel justified in using the word for them 😁), I'm gonna wait and see first!

Aw but they're both just so stunning with their hair flying around them lke that. I could watch them forever.

Loved the slow-mo before ZYZ collapsed. Poor WX! That quick shot of her wiping the blood off of ZYZ's chin was so satisfying somehow...

Ahhh I was right, they were in agreement and trying something dangerous together, not against each other! Yay for removing that godawful thing from his inner core, but now what? Are they gonna give it to WZY in exchange for the antidote? Do they actually believe that after all he's done he will play nice??? I love WX, scolding them both like a pair of unruly children 😂

Okay this is getting a little too convenient that they can get eavesdropped on so easily. And not to repeat myself, but where the hell are Ying Lei and PSJ?

I certainly didn't expect to get my wish so quickly lol I guess now we're really down to business when it comes to death countdowns... What did I just say? There is no goddamn antidote! What the fuck did WZY use to create that poison in the first place? The only solution is for someone to use their demonic power to absorb the poison into their own body??? Don't tell me that that's how ZYZ is gonna cure WX. And then ZYC will kill him so that he doesn't suffer. Looking at ZYC, he's about ready to sacrifice himself, though... ::incoherent pterodactyl screeching::

I keep repeating myself, but how is this kid 12. And finally the missing members of the squad reappear! (Just to get the front row, of course.) Oh, oh no. Even though I kinda knew that Ao Yin was going to do this... (I wonder if the poison worked way faster on her because she's a lesser demon?) I can't believe they made me cry over the human livers dealer!

I feel like I said it after every episode so far, but what an episode. I also find it more and more difficult to watch without being tempted to read other folks' commentary first, since I'm so anxious about what's going to happen next; so on one hand, I'd want to be prepared for the worst (so I should spoil myself), on the other though, I want to see what happens with my own eyes first... ah, decisions, decisions.

[this-is-exorsexism]

Hey, since I saw you speak German (making that assumption based on the fact that you mentioned a exorsexist comment being German in a post. Sorry if that’s a wrong assumption) I really want to talk about instances of exorsexism that I see so often in the feminist German speaking circles and that I’m so so tired off.

The terms “female read” and “male read” to refer to people, both when talking about, you know, just everyday things they saw ex. “I like seeing female read people sporting body hair” (just say you like people who don’t shave their body hair. Cause it’s not just the demographic of people that society pushes to present as “women” that are pressured into body hair removal.) and in context of feminist discussions “Cat calling affects female read individuals more than male read people. And male read people are more often the perpetrator of cat calling”. (This one irkes me so so much, because it’s a sweeping generalisation in general, which is just not okay.)

Another example that also falls into every day things and is even more removed from any “political” statement: “I saw a female read person that reminded me of my mother.” (This quote came from a nonbinary person which made the unnecessary gendering feel even more uncomfortable. There was no forceful gendering of the person necessary. It could have just been “I saw a person that reminded me of my mother” the assumption that it must have been a woman already is a possibility by the association with mother. And you sadly can’t get rid of it. There is no necessity to state it like that.)

One last longer example that is partly feminism related again (that is a near direct translation): “A lot of women and female read people know the feeling of standing in front of the mirror and asking wether or not they want to wear this or if it’s too revealing. Because choice of clothing alone can suggest you want to provoke men.[…] Even if a female read person wears tight clothing, because [she/they] feel sexy in it, is that no reason to insult [her/them] as a slut.” (The “she” could have also been meant in a “they” sense, because this is a translation situation where it isn’t 100% clear. That’s why I wrote it like that.) (This quote is again making assumptions and putting experiences on people and forcefully gendering people who experience these feelings. When these experiences actually can’t be categorised like that. Like even perisex cis men can experience this. It is also very telling here that only the “female read” wording was used when making social commentary, not the “male read”, when men where mentioned.)

(These statements are not always necessarily word for word quotes. They are partly just things I remember seeing in the past. Each example is from a different person.)

The description “female read”/“male read” as you likely know is typically said to be used to “to be more inclusive. Since we don’t know how someone actually identifies and we shouldn’t assume”. Which to me is just very much a “I’m gonna categorise you into man or woman on sight, just as anyone else, but I’ll say ‘male read’/‘female read’ to make it inclusive and not feel bad in case I’m actually misgendering you.”.

The fact that people think it’s more inclusive and isn’t just basically another way to categories man and woman, while claiming to be inclusive, drives me up the wall if I think about it for to long. The idea to be categorised as “female read” is honestly more dysphoria inducing than simply being assumed to be a woman, because it feels even more like failing at being uncategorisable, because the people supposedly not clinging onto the binary are categorising me as something I’m not. And as I hinted at, at the beginning, these two categories virtually ignore any possibility of seeing people who your brain can’t sort into the man/woman categories immediately, and pushes them into one or the other. Which also can ultimately lead to erasure of intersex individuals who could be sorted differently than both their sex and gender. (I hope my wording here is okay and it’s clear what I mean. If not. Please let me know.) The categories of “female read”/“male read” to me are ultimately cissexist, exorsexist and intersexist. This whole concept is just forceful gendering of people wrapped up in a pretty package that says “feminism”.

A big personal pet peeve of mine is people praising people who categorise like that. I’ve recently seen it done by a cis woman, intersectional feminist, who was praising a speaker for using the terms.

There is also the not uncommon occurrence where it’s just not even hidden anymore that “female read” or “male read” is just put in instead of woman or man or used interchangeably.

I just truly deeply dislike how these terms have become a very common thing in feminist circles, even between trans*(= very much meaning nonbinary here as well, hence the trans*) educators, feminists and influencers. It feels like such a gut punch to see even them reinforcing the gender binary in such ways.

(If you disagree with this being exorsexism I’d be very curious as to how. Because to me personally it is a very clear example of exorsexism that I’ve been wishing to talk about since I first encountered it. Also sorry if this is worded a bit confusingly at times. I tried my best.)

this is definitely exorsexism.

i know exactly what you're talking about and i have spoken about the misuse of these terms at length on my personal social media too.

to be honest, i was about to defend ~some~ uses of these terms, but after reading everything you said, i think these terms need to be retired.

i think at least half the time people use "female-read" and "male-read" to just mean women and men, because i don't know, maybe they think nonbinary people think that men and women exist is somehow offensive? a woman is a woman and you can and should just call her a woman, a man is a man and you can and should just call him a man. calling a woman "female-read" is entirely unnecessary and quite disrespectful too, in my opinion. it basically strips her of her identity as a woman and reduces her to how society sees her. the same is true for men.

"male-read people are often the perpetrators of catcalling" is also an interesting one because it proves that "male-read" and "female-read" are just stand-ins for the gender binary and gender oppositionism: "male-read" people have (perisex cisgender) male privilege and the entitlement and attitudes that come with it. they can never be victims of patriarchal violence, only perpetrators. "female-read" people are always more marginalised than "male-read" people. if you want to talk about people who are most likely to catcall, you must talk about perisex cisgender men.

as you've said, this doesn't take into account transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as it doesn't only sort us into a new male-female gender binary but also into a binary of "perpetrator of the patriarchy" and "victim of the patriarchy" in very oversimplified ways. in its attempt at inclusivity, this language completely obscures the experiences of people whom society sees as men or women but aren't. being seen as male when you're nonbinary or female, being seen as female when you're nonbinary or male, i.e. having your gender assumed incorrectly can actually be really dangerous. it also once again reduces us to how society sees us and acts as if our actual genders don't contribute to our experience.

one of the strangest ways people use this language is when they say something like "i saw a male-read person at the shop today". like, what do you mean? you read this person as male. you projected your binary thinking onto this person. using passive voice for this is just a way to try to remove your responsibility in participating in this system of gender assumption. at this point, you might just say that you saw a man at the shop. in this context, they mean the exact same thing.

these terms also don't take into account that there are different ways of being perceived as male or female. some people are perceived as transgender male rather than cisgender male, which are two very different experiences. being seen as transgender female rather than cisgender female is also very much not the same.

people also ignore that a lot the people they're trying to be inclusive of by using this language aren't actually consistently read as either binary gender or are read as something else entirely. "male-read" and "female-read" are pretty much used to be permanent life-long states of being perceived, with the exception of people transitioning and then going from one to the other and will be read as that and only that for the rest of their life. in reality, this looks very different. some of us are called he one day and she another. sometimes it depends on our gender presentation. sometimes it depends on the person perceiving us. for many of us, we actually have no idea how someone's perceiving our gender until they indicate this. also, many of us aren't read as either male or female. a lot of us are just read as "what the fuck are you" or [insert slur here]. none of these experiences can be mapped onto the idea of male-read and female-read.

not to mention how they keep using these terms to refer to body parts. "female-read" is too often just code for "has boobs". it's especially funny when they use this language for internal organs. like, sure, the catcaller on the street totally perceives someone's uterus.

"male-read" and "female-read" are what "women and femmes" or the transmasc/transfem binary will become if we don't stop it. they can always be replaced with other more precise terms that don't reinforce exorsexism, cissexism, intersexism and gender oppositionism.

[senka-mesecine]

Not to be terribly dark or nsfw for work here, but could you please write headcanons for cuddling with the platoon boys?

---

― Even though he hangs out with Elias' squad who are generally an affectionate bunch (far more so than Barnes's side of the platoon, that's for sure), thing is, I don't think cuddling comes that easily to Chris who possibly still has a bit of a suburban, classically midcentury notion on physicality and propriety that's pretty deeply ingrained in him, regardless how much he unlearned. Sure, a casual hug, pat on the back, squeeze of shoulders between compatriots, but actually laying down and holding someone really close? Not that he sees anything wrong with it, mind you, but in a really weird sense, ironically, Taylor might be most similar to Barnes than anyone else. Not that he knows it. Not that he'd ever admit to it. Heck, he'd probably get impassioned arguing against such an accusation. It's just that he's either awkwardly rigid and somewhat flustered, needing to be led into affection rather than outright giving it or he expects the other party to initiate it and for him to be the receiver after that initial hurdle is already crossed by you. Not that he doesn't like it. Might say he doesn't at first. In fact, he might very possessive of the notion of your touch as time moves on. It's just that first step? It's always hard to cross.

― O'Neill probably has a whole rambling ass theory in place how cuddling ain't for self respecting men and that it's something he's willing to do if nagged and nagged enough (Supposedly begrudgingly, emphasis on the 'supposedly' and only as a favor for you if you're tremendously insistent about it?) rather than it ever being done to him, except, behind closed doors, his head might be in your lap within two minutes flat and everything he's publicly said turns out to be entirely bogus and for show. It's all a typically O'Neill stunt for the masses, baby. See, there's a lot of empty, hot air around the things Red says and does most often, and if he plays this irritating, overly macho role, what happens privately might be entirely different. Truth is, man actually loves cuddles and he indulges in them like a whiny puppy might. It's genuinely therapeutic for him. He could be there nervously moping and complaining about something as he run your fingers through his hair while he rests his head on your knees and chainsmokes like someone who's life depends on it. It is legitimately (secretly) one of his favorite activities.

― Bunny's a demonic cuddlemonster, truly living up to his nickname. Except, he doesn't want it ever acknowledged that he is, you see. Officially, in the most derogatory sense he deems it as 'pussy shit' activity pretty vocally, but it's pussy shit activity he actually loves and thrives off of like someone absolutely addicted, going as far as preferring to be the one being cuddled, in fact. Being the little spoon. Being the one nuzzling over to you. Being the one held. Being the one with his head on your chest. Being the one who enjoys head pats and his hair being caressed. He's clingy. He's smothering. He's possessive. He's needy. He grasps and holds you back awfully tight, to the point of the contact tending to be painful and he could do this all day, yes and often times said excessive cuddling could be a prelude to sex or getting off, but even if it doesn't always lead to that (which is...rare) for someone talking as much smack about cuddling as Bunny might one could say he loves the whole notion more than anyone in his platoon.

― Rhah adores cuddling and he isn't afraid to be vehemently upfront about it to the degree he'd be transparent and even proud regarding the subject in front of the other boys too, being convinced that any self respecting man should wanna feel up his partner, touch them, squeeze them, please them and explore the contours of their body well and often --- a belief he holds to like it's religion; in fact, just how descriptive he gets with why he's very much for the gesture itself could get so accidentally erotic and sensual one might just feel they're interrupting something merely listening to Vermucci talk about it. Sounds a little like foreplay when he describes it. He might even start demonstrating how he does it by drawing out the contours of a body in thin air with his hands so everyone would get the general notion where someone likes being touched the most, being both passionate and almost seethingly aggressive at times as he does it and in practice, he's just as ardent in with cuddles as he is when he's merely chatting about it. Fact stands, man's a bear cuddler who smothers in love.

― Much like Rhah himself, King just doesn't understand people who don't wanna cuddle their significant other literally all day long and with relish and for all the world to see; he thinks there's basically something wrong with individuals like that. Like they're missing a couple of screws or something, denying themselves some of the profoundly most unspoiled joys of life on purpose, purely to show off to someone somewhere. But, who's gonna be impressed? That's right. No one! He doesn't subscribe to that repressive crap, as he calls it. He subscribes to loving and being loved, meaning that he wants everyone to know how much he likes physical affection, he wants everyone to see and shoot, if he they can envy him some for it too while he has the back of his gleeful, overly pleased head pressed up against your chest like a soft pillow to lean on, he wouldn't at all mind that either. Not his fault he knows how to live life good and if they took a lesson out of his book, they might just live life good too, is what he thinks.

― Wolfe might be so surprised by the prospect of cuddling he initially wouldn't know what to do or think about it, part of him wanting to immediately melt into it through instinct alone ---- the affection so new and unexpected it's almost something else entirely all while another part of him is there wanting to put up a masculine front so, as he'd hope, you'd be even more impressed with him and he'd come off like a serious figurative of authority who doesn't exactly need this but still concedes for your sake (truly considerate) so as a result he might just sit there, awkwardly smiling, repressing himself deliberately, acting the man, rigidly in place while you hold unto him. The truth is, he could jump out of his skin with affirmation and joy but he's playing a bit hard to get and it's killing him in actuality on the inside but he'd rather gnaw off his own foot than show it. Thing is, Mark could be so touch and attention starved it's hard to cope with all of it. If he actually acted how he truly wanted to act without any of the masks and nonsense he'd be a dufus who'd barely keep himself from smiling as he goes in for a hug. Can't have that.

― Lazy hammock lounging, sleeping in his arms, holding him or being held by him, playing with each other's hair, getting high together and dozing off in each other's embrace, tangled feet hanging off the edge of the bed or the sofa, pillowtalking for hours and hours or perhaps just looking at each other as you hug, Elias is the king of snuggling and nestling down as a concept and he's so free and generous with it he might just do it platonically as well as romantically, what's meaning to say one doesn't necessarily have to be with him to lay up in his arms --- he's shockingly giving like that. No prejudice in sight. If it feels good mutually then it feels good, so why deny the sensation of it? For all his nimbleness and how energized and active he is on field, in action, Elias could just as easily be as lazy as a sloth when he's in the right mindset and mood, not moving out of a state of cuddling with you for a full day, if need be, eating in your arms, snacking in your arms, smoking in your arms, being fed by you or feeding you, sleeping there and only getting up if absolutely necessary. Cuddling is less so something Elias merely does, as a result --- it's more like a lifestyle to him.

― Barnes doesn't cuddle, but he tactically leaves the terrain open for you to do it to him because he actually likes it deep down, he just makes no note of ever actually saying it because he doesn't think that's a thing that should ever be said, as rigid and stern as he generally is --- he doesn't want to 'depend' on something. Doesn't want to 'need' anything --- especially not a sensation that can be taken away afterwards, rendering him weak as a result; his presence is just there and if he's standing still and the setting is mellow enough to warrant physical closeness it stands to reason he's giving you a quiet signal to do it if you want to do it. But, thing is, in order to recognize said signals you have to know him exceedingly well first and foremost. Him, his body language, his eyes, what his eyes are trying to tell you, his expressions, the most unassuming gestures, which is to be expected for all he's concerned --- he wouldn't want anyone he who he doesn't know or who doesn't know him getting so personal with him anyway. That gateway is open. You're given leave. You just gotta walk through it. Barnes quietly allowing you to be that intimate is almost an unprecedented sign of trust.

[zevraholics]

ZevWarden Week 2023

What is it? A week (this year, November 5th - 11th) of creating new content, sharing it, and celebrating the wonderful relationship between Zevran Arainai and Grey Warden(s) of your choice. How to participate: Feel free to follow the daily prompts as inspiration for whatever ZevWarden-related content your heart desires. Fics, art, meta discussions - everything goes! Remember to tag your works appropriately (ie. #nsfw. Also see our full tag list here.) Most of all, have fun!

Prompts:

Sunday, November 5: Tradition and Trying New Things

Monday, November 6: Secrets, Kept and Told

Tuesday, November 7: Fear and Safety

Wednesday, November 8: Work and Pleasure

Thursday, November 9: Bodies and Minds

Friday, November 10: Favourite Things and Pet Peeves

Saturday, November 11: Family, Lost and Found

Tag your content with #zevwarden week 2023 or @zevraholics on your post and we’ll reblog it here.

*Any art found to be whitewashing Zevran will not be shared.

Day 1 - Sunday, November 5 - Tradition and Trying New Things

"It's Antivan tradition to throw coins in such a well as this. Supposedly it brings one luck." Which traditions (cultural, familial, personal) do Zevran and the Warden have in common, and which are different? Are there any that are unfamiliar at first, but one of them shares with the other? What are ways the two of them break with the past, forge their own paths, or maybe even create new traditions?

Day 2 - Monday, November 6 - Secrets, Kept and Told

Morrigan, "Are [the Crows] so powerful simply because they are very good at what they do? Or is there some secret to their power?" Zevran, "If there were a secret, it would only remain so if it were not told, my dear." What secrets do Zevran and the Warden keep from other people? From each other? Are there any consequences of keeping secrets, positive or negative? What truths eventually reach the light of day, and how does that reveal come about?

Day 3 - Tuesday, November 7 - Fear and Safety

"You mean you want to hear about the grueling training? Being locked in an oubliette for weeks at a time? The slavery? The festering injuries? Or are we seeking something more glamorous?" / "Oh, those things never happened to me." There are stand-out moments of fear in the life of any Grey Warden or an Antivan Crow. Share a time one or both of them were terrified. Did they face fear bravely, or did it get the better of them? What was the impact of that moment? Or, share a story about a time the two of them found safety, comfort, or calm. How did that feeling come about? Was it short-lived or long lasting?

Day 4 - Wednesday, November 8 - Work and Pleasure

"Falling down a flight of stairs is an adventure. Falling into someone's bed? Also an adventure. I am assuming what you're looking for are professional anecdotes." How much adventuring do Zevran and the Warden get up to after Origins, either together or on their own? What jobs or titles do they come to have, what anecdotes do they have to tell? Or do they settle down for a quiet life somewhere—either restlessly or happily?

Day 5 - Thursday, November 9 - Bodies and Minds

Alistair, "So those... designs you have all over your back..." Zevran, "They're called tattoos. And I have them in many more places than just on my back, my friend." What stories do Zevran and the Wardens' bodies tell? How have their bodies changed over time? How do they carry themselves, or use gestures or mannerisms? What about a time when they ran, swam, fought, or enjoyed other physical movement? Or focus your work on a part of the body - eyes, hands, hair, scars.

Day 6 - Friday, November 10 - Favorite Things and Pet Peeves

"I fancy many things. I fancy things that are beautiful and things that are strong. I fancy things that are dangerous and exciting.Would you be offended if I said I fancied you?" What are Zevran and the Warden's favorite things about each other? How did they discover those favorite things—slowly over time, or in one particular moment? What things get on their nerves about the other person? Is this something they make an effort to change, or does their partner just have to learn to live with it?

Day 7 - Saturday, November 11 - Family, Lost and Found

"Surely your life has not been so idyllic? People like you and I are not the product of happy lives of contentment, after all." Maybe the Warden resonates with that particular line from Zevran, maybe they don't. What does being part of a family mean to the Warden and Zevran? Does the answer change across different points in their lives? If they regard each other as part of a family, is there anyone else involved in their family? (Friends, other lovers, biological or adopted children, elders?)

[rainbow-femme]

I am absolutely loving the SJM posts! I have never been able to get into her books despite trying every series (I have Crescent City currently checked out from the library). Her characters are just.... Such shit people and I can't care about them 😭

My personal feeling about SJM is she’s good at writing dark sexy wish fulfillment, but she also wants to write regular fantasy adventure, so you get things like 365 Days but in a setting where there are real world morals and we’re told the main characters are genuinely very good people

Like the set up of Feyre and Rhysand with the Hewn City. You’re married to the hottest and most powerful high lord and also you’re hot and powerful and he rules over a court of monsters and you now rule over those monsters too? Sexy. It’s then established that a main character grew up there and actually it’s not all monsters and there are innocent people living under terrible conditions and the main characters react by going “Eat shit and die, fuckers ���” when the people want to leave and also make it so even if those people get out the one safe city by law has to refuse them service? Suddenly much less sexy.

Hot foreplay in a fantasy library? Sexy. Establishing that everyone who works there suffered sexual assault and then having that hot foreplay near them? Less sexy.

Becoming super bad ass and powerful and taking down your ex? Sexy. Establishing that said take down resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent people and the entire time said ex was actually working under cover in a way that ended up saving countless lives by helping the war? Less sexy.

I feel like you can have dark fantasy and dark fantasy morals, and you can have main characters that do bad things, but when you include those things but then constantly be like “look how great and wonderful they are!” Then it’s like ok well now I’m just annoyed

If they did the same stuff but there wasn’t a constant attempt to tell us they’re all actually pure moral softboys and the books just were like “yup they’re assholes!” then I would have fun because I love stories about assholes who fight other assholes and they all suck. The Maltese Falcon is one of my favorite movies for that reasons, every character is the fucking worst and sometimes they work together and sometimes against each other and they all have different backgrounds and skills and that’s fun!

Or even just an Oceans 11 take where it’s like are they criminals/assholes? Yes. Are they doing this for selfish gain? Yes. Are they doing this for petty revenge? Yes. Are they very charismatic and fun to watch? Also yes, which is why people love it and love the characters

I also am someone who loves world building and hers has a lot of cool ideas but she paints herself into corners constantly because of the need to have both sexy wish fulfillment and engaging plots outside of the sexiness

Again it’s sexy to make all your main characters the most powerful people in the history of ever, but then there’s no tension if they can just easily solve every problem, so these supposedly super powerful people get their shit absolutely wrecked constantly because they’re only powerful when it’s not plot relevant

“Azriel and Cassian have way more power gemstones than any other Illyrian, meaning they’re so much more powerful than even the most powerful warriors” Ok cool so why do they get bodied every time they’re in a fight

It falls under the same umbrella as the House of Night books where you have a great world set up and then it’s full of powerful asshole main characters who the book tells you every two pages are the best people ever. Although SJM is miles better than P.C. Cast and ACOTAR is miles better than House of Night

[ninetyminutes]

Do you do smut? If so, can you do one of Lorne/Chevy? I’m obsessed with your blog ❤️

Thank you so much!!! I do write explicit content on occasion and I do have some many thoughts. I’m definitely considering writing an explicit companion piece to my Christmas break fic… anyway I'm just going to ramble a bit as I usually do.

Lorne's always so composed and put together while working on the show because that's what is expected of him. He pushes himself harder than anyone else. Lorne has all this power and responsibility, and it really eats away at him, so I can totally see him giving up control in the bedroom. And it works out, right? Like Chevy has got your stereotypical sort of alpha-male personality type--he likes being in charge and having control. I can't really see Chevy ever bottoming, but I can definitely see Lorne topping from the bottom sometimes. But again, I think that Lorne usually just lets Chevy take charge because he thinks it's hot.

Chevy just looooves to take Lone apart. Like he takes great pride and delight in making Lorne lose his composure. And making Lorne, the man who can talk and talk and talk, go speechless? Chevy would brag about that for the rest of his life (but not actually because Lorne would be mortified if he went into detail about their sex life).

Chevy is possessive and Chevy gets jealous. Maybe he's even a little clingy, but Lorne doesn't mind too much it's just new for him. Rosie was always super independent, so it's nice to have someone who wants to be with him a lot. His possessiveness and jealousy definitely trickles into their sex life. Chevy leaves hickeys. Like all the time. They're just below the collar of his shirts and across his collarbones so that they're mostly hidden but *sometimes* his collar will slip a little and people can see them.

(wayyyy more and a touch more explicit below)

Lorne gets jealous too, but he keeps in bottled up until they're in private (*cough* Lorne's office *cough*) where he might take a bit more of a lead role and remind Chevy who gives the best head or something. On the other hand I can also see him getting self-conscious about not being good enough for Chevy, which leads to Chevy taking his time as he shows Lorne how much he loves him.

Chevy is surprised when he sees how muscular Lorne actually is, like you obviously can't tell when he's wearing clothes but his clothes aren't usually super form fitting. But Chevy is totally into it. Lorne has a hockey butt. Maybe not Sidney Crosby level (look it up if you haven't seen it before you won't be disappointed), but it's definitely more than respectable. Lorne played hockey growing up and was supposedly pretty good at it, and on the otherhand Gabriel LaBelle played rugby in high school which is also a very physically demanding sport. I feel like Chevy would go with Lorne to work out but purely just to watch him squat. TLDR; Chevy body worships Lorne.

Ok look at this quote from a 1979 interview with Lorne:

"When I've been working too hard and haven't had a chance to feel anything because I've lived in my brain for too long, then I can be touched or moved by something, not necessarily sentimental, but something sweet or tender or any kind of generosity."

Maybe sometimes Lorne feels incredibly numb because he hasn't had the chance to feel anything in a while and goes to Chevy because he just wants to feel something. This could be while they're in an established relationship where Lorne trusts Chevy to take care of him, or maybe it's out of the blue. Lorne shows up to Chevy's door demanding to have sex and Chevy can't say no to that. So they start this situationship/friends with benefits thing.

Moving on, Chevy totally gets turned on just by listening to Lorne talk.

Height difference!!! So good. Chevy using that height difference in the bedroom? Yes please! I mean, 6’ and 5’ 4” (~183 cm and 162.5 cm for my non US friends) is a lot!!! Chevy def takes advantage of that.

They’ve had sex on almost every surface in Lorne’s office. Nine ways to Sunday on the couch, that’s for sure.

Omg wait Chevy pressing Lorne up against the big glass windows of his office.

CHEVY BENDING LORNE OVER HIS DESK.

Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Chevy would be so into that. He’d for sure be on a bit of a power trip. I can see him making a comment like “what would they think if they saw you” or smth. Realistically, Lorne would be mortified. But in the moment it def turns Lorne on.

Lorne giving Chevy head from under the Weekend Update desk.

Chevy and Lorne having sex in his office and Lorne’s phone starts ringing. Chevy’s jaw drops because this mfer answers the phone and holds an entire conversation without ever really losing his composure—obviously inspired by that time Lorne was on mushrooms and talked with some network exec without batting an eye.

I could go on forever but I’ll spare you

[karskilledme]

Late Night Visits Pt.2 Kars x Reader

Link to part one(NSFW) if you haven't read it. A long time ago someone said I should make a part two. I'm trying to write again so here it is. Reader and Kars renegotiate their 'agreement' into something much more suitable for two lovers.

Warnings: Cigarette mentions, mentions of sex but no actual sex, not proofread.

Words: 738 (A shorty)

Minors DNI

It had only been two days between Kars sniffing out my feelings for him and his next visit. The night started off like many before it, with a cigarette and hot, needy, sex. What was different was that he didn’t leave right after. When all was said and done, he’d usually slink away into the night but this time he stayed. He had said things would need to be renegotiated but half of me believed that was just to appease me. It seems I was wrong and that’s not something I’m disappointed about.

Kars didn’t redon his loincloth as he usually did. Instead, he put on a pair of shorts I’d once gotten him and gracefully laid down next to me on my smaller than needed bed. It did the job just fine when we were on top of each other but now that we were laying towards each other, it seemed much more pitiful. 

Kars looped a strand of my hair in his fingers and hummed. He seemed to ponder for a moment. The anticipation of what he might say practically ate me alive and I’m sure he could sense it. Finally, he spoke. “About our agreement. It seems that I too have developed some kind of feeling for you. You’re a silly thing but I do like you and I especially like your company.” He paused, dropping the strand of hair and turning to look at me more intently now. “I suggest that we make it official and you become my mate.” I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, taking my time to process what he’d just said. His way of talking was so formal and different compared to the likes of modern humans but it was charming in a way. His use of the word mate was the only hang-up I just couldn’t seem to move past. 

“Mate?” I began. “I’m very happy that you have feelings for me… I guess I’m just a little confused about the whole mate part. Are you wanting to have kids… like now?” 

Kars grinned with an airy chuckle and cast his head back softly before returning his gaze. “Mate is what Pillarmen typically call their partners. You humans use all kinds of silly terms to lighten the weight of the word. And there is no rush on kids, of course, I do have quite a lot of time on my hands to get to that.” 

I smiled softly with a chuckle at the beautiful man before me and his unique mannerisms. I sighed, not in exasperation but rather in delight or contentment. “Well then mates it is!” I giggled out, squeezing his bicep. 

Kars moved, softer than usual, from beside me to cage atop me with one hand on either side of me. His hair tickled me ever so softly as he peered down at me and I at him. It felt magical basking in this feeling of closeness we now openly shared. He leaned down closer, his breath tickling my lips causing my heart to erupt in flutter. It was silly really, considering what we had just done moments ago but a kiss on the lips was what I had dreamed of for many nights and now it was so close, he was so close. His lips pressed ever so softly to mine, soft and plush like a velvet pillow. I kissed back with all the emotion I could convey though I doubt my lips were nearly as soft and nice as his. He pulled back and leaned his forehead in close, the bodies of his horns rubbing softly against my skin. This intimacy felt so warm and unreal. I never knew the mean and supposedly awful side of Kars but I also have never known this sweet and tender side that I was seeing now. Unreal was the word for it. He pulled away with a look of contentment, different from his usual look of cockiness.

“It’s a pillarman tradition to rub horns with your new mate. Considering you don’t have any I made do with your human forehead.” He said leaning up to kneel above me. I scoffed with a smile. “You sure know how to ruin a cute moment with your human-shmuman talk. Well, I thought it was sweet and if I had horns I surely would have reciprocated.”

Kars gazed at me mischievously. “You’re lucky I like you (Y/n).”

[issa-pheonyx]

Yandere-sub!Krauser X GN!Reader🔪🌶️

𝗦𝗼, 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗞𝗿𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. 𝗕𝘂𝘁, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗱𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗻𝗼𝘁, 𝘁𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱. 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆/𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁…𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝗻-𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲👀💀

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

-Krauser has been dominating his job role and wanted more than that, but when he realizes that it still didn't satisfy him he grew frustrated. It caused him to lash out on his agents during training and having to have the major Krauser attitude. However, when he was training with you and you literally had that man pinned easily and knife dangerously close to his neck. He was taken aback, but when realization hits his private started to intrude the moment quickly telling you,"That'll be all, (Y/N)." Thankfully, you didn't feel it yet under you when you were straddling his hips...after the training he had to excuse himself to the restrooms to blow off some steam

-It seem like training became brutal for others and worse for Leon since you both were part of the victims of the Raccoon City incident. Near death experiences from those missions he had to do and whilst you-well, they are dangerous regardless, but you manage to finish it much more quickly. Supposedly, behind the scenes someone convinced that you should be held more lightly for a special mission in Spain and for Leon to be very prepared

-Eventually, after finding out about Krauser you were in disbelief as you just see him as major Krauser with respect and loyalty. Krauser on the other hand was much more intimate. "Major Krauser!? Why are you doing this?" He just smirks and answers,"To clean up this insane world of ours and for you to be on the pedestal whilst I pick up the mess after Leon, of course~" You now hold so much venom for him and after each encounter you have with him is rather...different

-He is a man of weaponry alright, but every time you use your gun he manages to dodge it all and is always doing close hits with you. So, you just stick to your knife. The thing is when you even manage to dodge his attacks and you would attempt to strike him he would only move in certain ways. Like he wants to be cut in certain parts of his body. You overthink it that he is secretly enjoying this, yet catch you off guard as he would kick you and throws a flash bang, making you having to find him again to end it

-When you were finding him you seem to catch him in a hidden corner, but quickly move away, so he wouldn't see you. He was sitting down on the dirt leaning against the wall. He was some sort of action with his hand, but it looked like he was hiding it. You try to stay quiet and find another spot where you can get a clear view...my lord he is jerking off. He is trying to suppress his moans as they sounded like whimpers and hissing, his other hand touching the cuts you given him as small leaks of blood goes down his skin. What a sick son of a bitch-

WARNING!! Spicy after this thread [MDNI🔞]

-Whether it is fresh cuts, healing scabs, or scars that is done by YOU it will get him so turned on, because you made those damages. Nobody else couldn't do it cause their lack of parrying and evading his attacks were so stupid and weak. Not you though at least now he will have to work harder and to prove someone-you, that he is more better than anyone else who dare to lay a finger on you

-Even if it isn't a knife he does not mind if it is your nails. Scratching him whether it is his face when he has you pinned on the ground or his back when he pounding you mid fight, grunting and his moans cutting off, because my god you feel amazing and that you're scratching his back, shoulders, and chest. He wants to keep going more faster and harder just to feel the stinging-burning sensation of your nails

-However, if he hasn't managed to get a hold of your insides he would find a way to get you really mad. He wants you to hate him. Hate him physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Psychologically. Just anything. PLEASE!! Krauser wants you to say it. Say that you hate him. Tell him reasons why you hate him while you're cutting his chest, one on his belly, his arm, and small one on his cheek. Give it all to him he wants to feel something

-Put him in a dangerous position like having a knife close to his neck as he is pounding inside you and if he is not making you feel good, threaten him and make the blade get really touchy-almost shifting from how hard and fast he is thrusting into his skin. Or when you're railing him from behind and you cover his mouth with one hand and use the other with the knife dragging down his back, making him cum from the pain and pleasure. He is such a masochistic monster

-Again, the only reason he wants all this is, because he is tired of having to be better than everybody else, but when you came he has something to do. Someone to prove, but to also degrade him, because that'll motivate him to do better. More better than Leon. That's why he became a traitor to show just how powerful he can be for you and that Leon is not worth your presence~

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁. 𝗠𝘆 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹~🖤🫣