#a different body- are supposedly so much more different than someone with very different feelings- someone who has aged millions of years

[terranceholdsapencil]

I sometimes think its weird that everyone must have a 'favourite doctor'. I get the appeal, but how its so wide spread baffles me.

Theyre all one person, in the end, with each regeneration being all that came before and more, and a little different due to the experiences they had and the people theyve met, just how I am different from when I was 15 years old, but still the same.

I have a favourite doctor for conveniency reasons, mostly, 12- but even then, whats a 'favourite doctor'. My favourite performance? My favourite to have a fun time with? My favourite to make me aspire to be better? My favourite to laugh, my favourite to cry for? Theyre all different. I love 12 as much as I love 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Maybe I have incarnations I dont feel as strongly for, but thats usually out of unfamiliarity with all they went through and by such an inability to truly grasp who the doctor was when they wore that face (e.g. my only experience with 8 being the tv movie) or because they amplify parts of the doctor Im less fond of (e.g. six being a little mean).

But in the end, theyre all of it anyway? All of the Doctor is mean, whether its the first doctor or the sixth or the tenth, all doctors are kind, whether its the second or fourth or 12th or 14th, all of the doctor has experienced grief, all of them is strong willed, brave, afraid.

I like the idea of having a 'favourite'. To me its a little like your favourite actors role, I love david tennants hamlet more than I like his alec hardy, but I still love his acting, period.

But this obsession of needing a favourite doctor, of needing to love one part of this beautiful, incredible character more than others, often it feels unfair to who they are. This grand person being reduced to a few years of their endlessly long life. To a single face.

Maybe that's what feels so real about thoschei. Companions tend to get attached to a face. To this one part. To the master the current doctor's body is secondary.

"Doesn't matter which face he was wearing, they're all the Doctor to me."

And they are, in fact, all the Doctor.

[pirateshelly]

One thing that really fascinates me about interview with the vampire (the show) is this sort of tension between power and powerlessness in all of the characters. Because it doesn't present becoming a vampire as something that just gives you power and magically makes you completely detached from all human concerns and struggles.

And that seems to be something Lestat does very much want to believe, and he's in enough of a position of privilege that he's able to convince himself it's true, and it's a fundamental area where he just cannot understand Louis because Louis CAN'T pretend even if he wants to. (And of course Lestat cannot ACTUALLY separate himself from "human troubles" the way he likes to think he can, he just has an easier time pretending than most). Because as much as becoming a vampire grants these characters supernatural power it doesn't just magically take away the very tangible human ways that they were previously vulnerable or powerless.

Becoming a vampire doesn't negate Louis' struggles with racism; in some ways it amplifies them with how he is alienated from his own family and community; his closest connection becomes Lestat. He loses his economic independence and becomes socially dependent on Lestat in a way he wasn't to anyone as a human because in some ways becoming a vampire made him MORE vulnerable, despite granting him physical strength/speed/etc. The promise of freedom in vampirism Lestat presents to Louis (that I do think he does genuinely mean, but "freedom" means very different things to Louis than it does to Lestat) is never fulfilled.

Likewise Claudia learns the hard way with Bruce and later with the coven that she may be a vampire but the world still looks at her and sees a vulnerable young black girl and that will always put her in danger.

Claudia rescues Madeleine then turns her into a vampire, but rather than protect her from future harm the "crime" of turning her becomes the very thing that gets her killed by yet another angry mob.

And 514 years as a vampire will never be enough for Armand to truly trust or believe in his own power. Because the first 200 or so years of his life he was literally never once allowed any agency at all over his own identity or his own body (child slave sold to a brothel, sold to an abusive master, captured and violently indoctrinated into a vampire cult for centuries). No amount of material strength and power is going to undo the psychological effects of that. (And I know some people like to read his frequently passive demeanor as simply manipulation and a way of catching people off guard (because how could someone so old and powerful possibly feel a genuine sense of fear/vulnerability/etc 🙄) but to me that's an incredibly disingenuous reading of him. But that's a different rant for another time!). Being a vampire does not save him from being horrifically abused, nor does it save him from the lasting emotional effects of that abuse.

And I think there's something interesting to be said about the way that, in order to survive safely, they have to feed on the most vulnerable members of society (people undesirable and therefore least likely to arouse suspicion) in order to go unnoticed. If they want to live they have to prey on those vulnerable in possibly the same ways they themselves once were (and in many ways still are).

There's a frequent argument I dislike that we shouldn't be viewing any of these characters through too human of a lense because they're literal monsters (to be honest it's an argument I see most often made when people simply don't want to talk about the show's complex depiction of racism/misogyny/abuse/etc and used to dismiss those as issues "too human" to be relevant to a story about a bunch of monsters with a supposedly alien sense of morality), but I think the show itself makes a huge argument that for these characters there is no escaping or separating themselves from the very human struggles and vulnerabilities that marked them before they ever became vampires. It's like a sort deconstructed power fantasy.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

be constantly in own world for me (level 2/3 autism) mean like. think pretty much only about self. understand only self. entire world just me n special interest, sometimes/often times not even include own basic needs, like “hair greasy clump body itchy need shower” (unconsciously feel bad sensory, n make very uncomfortable annoyed easily frustrated, but don’t consciously know am feeling extra irritated or that am feel this way because need shower). n world often limited to thing in front of me. n sometimes not even include thing in front of me. see it (as in physically capable of vision) but not see it. n thing, people, any that not put infront of me for while, stop realize they existed in first place.

n be in own world, only think only able know self, mean that, see self as normal, as norm. everyone (this abstract concept of other people that have memorized like you memorize history fact for test), everyone like me. not even “am like everyone,” but that everyone is like me. everyone same ability as me. everyone think like me.

“everyone think like that to extent”

right. to extent. thing is am far greater than that normal “extent”

to point that average day, ask me, n would only able explain that, “think everyone same ability as me, everyone think like me. everyone exist like me.” stay at vague generalization because not able think any deeper not able think of examples. to give example in this situation mean on some level need have ability understand “am think this normal but others may think it abnormal for them”. n. most times not have ability to second part, because in own world theory of mind.

sometimes try force it. try really hard force it. try really hard think, look at other people, try make sense try find what exact different. but can’t force something not have ability. so go back rely on scripting. sometimes advanced scripting n rephrased scripting.

special interest in something social-related let me cheat little bit. appear more capable. like break down complex autism community disability community dynamics. but am videotaping camera. computer analyzing research data. not participant. it thankfully happen, but it only happen because special interest allow it be part of own world, n it only part of own world because can only see these (supposedly very humanly n organic n messy) interactions as flow charts, maps, equations, inanimate objects. closest metaphor may be, with this special interest lens that allow these social dynamics enter own world, am looking at these “people” these social dynamics similar to regular person playing the sims n thinking of sims character made out of code that they control.

rare rare times able suddenly realization of outside world. usually happen in flash. n then end. n then left to chase that feeling trying so hard remember what it felt like so can memorize it like another history fact to memorize for test removed from source removed from emotion, to make self appear know what am talking about know more than am capable of, next time someone ask, “isn’t everyone like this?”

just had flash of that that lead to write this whole thing. but already gone. something about… “those funny ‘gen z fix up work force’ stories. they actually people same age as me?’” something about sudden realize what people my age my life stage expected do usually do. something about think am so normal but actually am missing out “so many” things (what things?).

friend tell me “by be young person who severely disabled you missing out so much on same age activities”. n. inside think, (i am but) “don’t know. …am i?” n for it be genuine question, or disbelief question.

n respond with “haha, yea.”

it not lying. it just script. am don’t know what my script means.

don’t follow up by ask me “so what you think you missing out on?”

don’t know. don’t have that script (a script am don’t know meaning to) yet that make other people think am understand, either.

[please don’t say you “relate” or “feel same” “this me” or similar unless am know who you are.]

[ceilidho]

Bestie, personally, I fucking LOVE the idea of Ghoap x You but Soap & You x Ghost???? God tier, S Tier, pussy breaking shit. But like…slightly toxic?

Soap using Ghost’s attraction to you to get into Ghost’s pants? Soap feeding Ghost not-quite-correct information about how you supposedly feel about Ghost to spend more time with him.

All of this culminating into Ghost and you in a mating press but like. Your head in Soap’s lap while he kisses Ghost above you 🤪

Toxic, attention-whore Soap is my new God

I feel like a lot of people view Soap as very "pretty boy, cocky, not much going on upstairs, just goofy, lovable, and an all around funny boy" but like. not even getting into just how clever and sly and intelligent he really is (in a different way than someone more academic like Gaz or Price), he's absolutely got something wrong with him that we just don't really ever get into.

Cocky, arrogant, attention whore who knows he already has most of Ghost's confidence but then uses his attraction to you (because he sees it as soon as it comes; he makes a habit of studying Ghost and watching his every move, so as stone cold as Ghost usually is, Soap is the first one to notice the signs of him being interested in you, the way his eyes follow you, the way they pull down your body for a beat longer than they should) in his favour.

Soap who tells Ghost that he'll be in the other room, but then on the day of, suddenly he wants to be in the room with you, "just to make sure you're comfortable, kitty," he says, damp palms clutching your shoulders. That look in his eyes again, like there's something he isn't telling you. But he says he'll sit in the armchair on the other side of the room, so Ghost reluctantly loses a bit of the tension that had been building up.

Until he suddenly has to be on the bed with you, stroking your hair back :(( just because he wants to see his pretty girl and check up on her. especially since you're whining and panting so much, having to take a big lug like Ghost. or maybe he thinks you need something to occupy your pretty mouth so you aren't so focused on where Ghost is splitting you in half.

and that's when his energy changes a bit. that's when Soap goes from concerned boyfriend to staring Ghost straight in the eyes, knowing that Ghost has to either look at him or look at his cock in your mouth. and he's not tactful about it. goes on and on about "look how well she takes dick, Si; she's a good girl, huh?" "I taught her that, y'know?"

conversely, he thinks he's being sneaky, but Ghost knows exactly what he's doing. and who's he to brush off a pretty man like Soap when he's vying so hard for Ghost's attention :\\ he'll let him sweat a bit longer, let him get so desperate that he'll let Ghost do whatever he wants with him, but until then, he's got you under him to take off the edge.

[shinewerst]

Here I will leave some of my thoughts, guesses and headcanons. Some of them may be stupid and unreasonable, but I will share them with you anyway.

I've noticed that a lot of people headcanon Earth and Moon or Earth and Venus as siblings. And I partially agree with this. But here are my thoughts on this matter: They are celestial bodies and they do not have siblings in the usual sense, but since they live for a very long time, over billions of years of being close to each other, they can develop family feelings for each other. But only if they are always close. Therefore, most often this occurs between a planet and its moons or between several moons of one planet. This is unlikely to happen between planets, since each of them is in its own orbit, perhaps double planets are an exception. Therefore, I headcanon the Moon and Earth as brothers, Phobos and Deimos too, and Mars as their guardian. (Earth and Venus may be somehow connected, but not family) It's more difficult with gas giants. I believe that when their moons are too numerous and constantly increasing in number, they stop keeping track of them and treat them more like decorations. But Idk.

In the Solar System, having life is supposedly cool and the Earth is proud of it, Venus dreams of it, etc. but it seems to me that in other systems the attitude towards this may be different. For example, I have an oc exoplanet and in her home system this was not considered something cool. They literally treated it like lice lol.

Planets/stars/satellites do not speak any of the earth’s languages, but their own. But different systems have something like their own accents and dialects. So my oc speaks a little differently from them.

In different parts of the universe, the appearance of the planets changes and what the planets will look like usually depends on the star (I'm talking specifically about planethumans).

For the planet/star and satellites, love is something deeper than for earthlings. This is very strong, sensual.

I also noticed how in many fanfictions characters call Proto-Earth that way. But it seems to me that the term “Proto-Earth” itself appeared after his death, namely the collision with Theia and the appearance of the “new Earth”. Before that, everyone simply called him Earth.

Each of them has its own axis tilt, right? They don't really follow it, especially in the planethumans format, so I made a headcanon about them sleeping on their slants. So, Venus sleeps upside down, huh?

The Earth speaks all earthly languages and knows the stages of evolution of almost every creature on his surface, although sometimes he himself may be confused about this. His past memories are slowly fading. He does not remember how he and the Moon appeared, he does not remember that there could have been life on Venus before. I imagine him periodically reading a book about dinosaurs because he doesn't want to forget about them.

I like to think that Mars used to be a bad-tempered asshole, but Earth doesn't remember that. Mars himself does not want to remember this at all, since he has already grown out of it.

Probably the Earth became the way we see him because of humans. Perhaps he was different before. I imagine him as a sweet and kind planet who does his best to care for his friends and his little brother. But when he changed, Luna continued to love him like a brother and care for him in return.

Earth usually tells others only the good side of earthlings, but usually he complains to the Moon about how much he is hurt, about how they are starting another war and doing other terrible things. Therefore, the Moon is much more tolerant of the Earth; he must be the only one who knows how hard it is for him.

Venus is jealous of the Earth and everyone has already understood this. I like to think that Venus, after losing life on its surface, feels the need to protect Earth and its inhabitants.

Luna is aroace. Just because for some reason it seems to me that dating someone just doesn’t suit him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll create a second part cause I might have forgotten something :p

[kandadze]

Ep 29 loose thoughts

Oof, Li Lun's really on his last legs, eh? I do feel sorry for him, but I feel even worse for Bai Jiu - locked up inside his own body, poisoned, forced to ingest human livers, coughing up blood and dying. Can this kid get a break, please.

It's funny to me how ZYC might have figured out ZYZ's ruse because of his top-tier observation skills... or it might have been because he pays *that* much attention to the demon. I guess we'll never know 😅

It's heartbreaking in a way how well ZYZ knows LL, still, after all, and trusts him not to hurt Ying Lei, trusts LL to honor an emotional debt. Also, interesting how even while pointing a sword to ZYZ's throat, ZYC trusts him not to go to certain lengths for his goals... I keep saying this, but- the bonds in this drama! 😭

Is this really the time to walk away without saying anything, ZYZ? (I know, I know. It's so that they can break our hearts more thoroughly real soon.)

Oh okay. So even Wen Xiao doesn't know what exactly is wrong with her - don't you think that's kind of vital info you should've shared, Bai Yan daren? Ngl, I guffawed when ZYZ said, "I searched Wen Xiao's body etc," not sure if it's the translation that's lacking or what, but I'm pretty sure we all had the same thought about how thorough that search was 😝 On a more serious note though, is poison always the most powerful weapon of destruction in cdramas? Like ZYZ has the power to heal stab wounds and vein cuts that would otherwise be lethal, but he can't do shit about poison?

Thanks for explaining why she wasn't there when the gang came back with the scale, I thought it was so weird for Bai Yan to just leave like that when she was supposedly the one to tell them how it works. (Still not sure why it had to be her and not Ying Long or even the princess Longyu herself, but oh well.)

Yes, that's why ZYZ stole the scale. The never ending variations on the trolley problem in this drama (I think I saw someone mention it re the Bingyi cave and then it happened again in ep 28, and now it's happening again)!

"It's hard." And? That doesn't mean it's impossible, right? Bai Yan, *please* speak plainly and in full sentences, because instead of raising tension you're raising my blood pressure.

Ah, of course she would withhold that info if it meant saving her son. ZYC, going straight for jugular lol (gotta love the man, for him restoring the sword means not only getting Bai Jiu back but also saving his own life, and he still would choose not to go through with it if it meant losing ZYZ or, as he just found out, WX.) As a mother, she might have thought of letting her son know who she was when she still had a chance; she might have thought of a contigency plan in case something happened to her. They might have not been in this particular mess now, had *someone* made sure the kid didn't have to resort to making wild guesses, ultimately leading him to be lied to and exploited.

Wow, yeah, okay. I officially dislike both of Bai Jiu's parents now. Also, Bai Yan's words once again reinforce the difference between humans and demons/gods and how they think about time and bonds. ZYC might be a demon now, so technically his lifespan is way longer than human's, and still he might not live long enough to see the next incarnation of the Baize goddess; and even if he could, at this point his concern is the *current* incarnation, thank you very much, whereas BY's looking at the situation from a much wider perspective. Because of course both worlds will be involved. And I'm still with ZYC on this. (Unrelated, but I love Bai Yan's voice. It's not often we get to hear that low of a voice from a woman, and especially not in cdramas, as far as I can tell.)

Oh, fuck off. The fatalism rubs me the wrong way always, and coming from such a supposedly powerful being it's even more grating. (Not for the first time while watching this drama I get a flashback to reading Clamp's "X-1999," the set-up and tone is eerily similar.)

Well I guess I got my wish. Li Lun, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body, I feel for you and your longing. The white petals around them (white, for death and mourning), oh my heart. The fact that they kept switching the actors throughout his reflections made it even more painful. And then he goes and (indirectly) quotes ZYC, the bit about the lamp kept on for travellers... while Ying Lei can only listen and cry. Oof. Can't help but notice that he still focuses mostly on his own suffering, though... I guess it's fair, for all intents and purposes he still has a mentality of a hurt teenager.

The whiplash I got when he switched to, "if I die, I have to find someone to die with," ouch 🤣 Once a drama queen, always a drama queen, right, LL? Gotta find yourself the grandest stage for your final exit... am I ready to see that? (I adore his character song, btw, even though when I first heard it, it gave me a completely different image of what his character's going to be. Hmm.)

Again, fuck right off, Bai Yan. I kinda wish they showed us more of WX in that scene, but hey, I'll take ZYC's memories, too (probably the first time with a time stamp!). "You must live well." It's like a refrain at this point that they seem to cling to, the worse the circumstances get. And the care between them, I'll never be over the bonds we're being shown in this drama.

I relate to WX so much. Like I get the idea that some things are worth dying for and no one in the gang would hesitate to put their lives on the line. And still, WX wants to live. Staying alive is just as, if not more, difficult as dying. Staying alive while others leave is difficult. Only when you stay alive can you really change the narrative. (Also, can we please *stop* sitting on that goddamn bridge. Why are you even there when ZYC was clearly shown back at the Mount Kunlun? Come to think of it, I just realized that they seem to have completely forgotten about Ying Lei??? And where did PSJ go?)

"How is wanting to live not the right choice?" Funny, coming from you of all people, ZYZ. Will you make the right choice for yourself, then? Thank you, WX. Make him sit on that for a bit... Ngl, I cheered when she tore up that goddamned contract. I don't care if they get to kiss now or no, but I care that he won't have to experience a mild heart attack every time he focuses on his affection towards her. (Because I've never seen him look at her as you would a colleague, so technically his heart should've been acting up nonstop, unless the emphasis was on conscious intent on his part. I'd have to rewatch that ep to see if they actually mention the exact wording.)

Awww look at her boys going "I'll find a way" at the same time! I just hope I'm not gonna cry when their way turns out to be yet another self-sacrificial mission. Interesting, there's a bottle of wine and two cups sitting by ZYC, even though he seems to have been sitting there by himself for quite a while... is it going to be one of those tiny details that become relevant later? (I love how this drama makes me pay attention!)

Oh dear gods, I really hope this isn't what I think it is. ZYC!!!

GODDAMNIT IT IS, HE WENT TO SEE WZY BY HIMSELF, FUCKKKKKK

At this point in the story my sincere wish is that, if nothing else, we *will* get to see WZY dying a slow and horrible death. If *he* survives, I'm throwing this whole drama in the garbage. (Also, somehow I'm not in the slightest concerned about what ZYC's choice might be. I trust him this much.)

Lol the moment Bai Yan mentioned that the fire of the mortal world is not enough to forge ZYC's sword I totally went, "it has to be taken to the Mount Dooooooom!" 🤣

Huh, okay, I didn't expect the ever-burning wood to be necessary for this. That's how we know that we're close to the final boss battle, folks, the quests are getting more and more complex.

"Take it"??? Wait, is it that easy? Oh no, of course not. How did it *not* burn him up after all this time though, was it just chilling in his body without actually doing anything? Other than accidentally hurting LL with it, I don't think we've ever seen ZYZ use it in any way, either 🤔 Okay, so he needs the creation stone as well, okay-

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

That's the live reaction of yours truly at *that* visual of golden light blasting from ZYC's sword as he grasps it. Holyyyyyy shit, Guo Jingming, Silmarillion adaptation when????

Oh gods, their hands on that stone. Like in ZYZ's vision. I'm scared again. The image of ZYC morphing into LL and then back again!!! If you want ZYC to promise that he'd protect the Wilderness with you, then *you* better promise not to die, ZYZ! Also, could they be any more queer coded at this point? (Aww, WX, I want to give her a hug so badly. Where the hell is PSJ when you need her???)

I take that back, they can and currently are even more queer coded. ZYZ's face when ZYC prepares his drink for him with yet another jade pendant!!! This whole scene, starting with one of my favorite songs from the OST playing in the background, the soft focus, warm lights, close-ups of their faces, the way they gaze at each other... so beautiful. Of course there had to be some theatrics (ZYZ) and fond exasperation (ZYC) involved, too, that's just how they roll, and I'm eating it alllll up.

Did they *have* to go and draw the parallel to last drink and meal though? 😭 also, also, ZYC doing his best to emphasise that their "blood feud" is in the past! In how many ways does he have to tell you that he wants you to live before you get it, ZYZ?

I also remembered their conversation in ep 15, when ZYC asked how ZYZ could live with contradictions, and boy, is ZYC a walking paradox himself. His feelings seem so tangled and complex, but at the same time he's so clear eyed about them, and able to express them, even while saying that they're ineffable. And ZYZ's response! His face! ::head in hands::

The toasts broke me a bit. The way ZYZ hesitated for the longest time before downing his cup for the first toast. The goddamn *poetry* in ZYC's words, the goddamn eye contact throughout, the goddamn tension, HMH's goddamn face!  So good! 😭

!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay you know what? I think I'm getting better at this. There *was* the slight pause before the camera cut to WX and then back to our soulmates (they said it more than once now, I feel justified in using the word for them 😁), I'm gonna wait and see first!

Aw but they're both just so stunning with their hair flying around them lke that. I could watch them forever.

Loved the slow-mo before ZYZ collapsed. Poor WX! That quick shot of her wiping the blood off of ZYZ's chin was so satisfying somehow...

Ahhh I was right, they were in agreement and trying something dangerous together, not against each other! Yay for removing that godawful thing from his inner core, but now what? Are they gonna give it to WZY in exchange for the antidote? Do they actually believe that after all he's done he will play nice??? I love WX, scolding them both like a pair of unruly children 😂

Okay this is getting a little too convenient that they can get eavesdropped on so easily. And not to repeat myself, but where the hell are Ying Lei and PSJ?

I certainly didn't expect to get my wish so quickly lol I guess now we're really down to business when it comes to death countdowns... What did I just say? There is no goddamn antidote! What the fuck did WZY use to create that poison in the first place? The only solution is for someone to use their demonic power to absorb the poison into their own body??? Don't tell me that that's how ZYZ is gonna cure WX. And then ZYC will kill him so that he doesn't suffer. Looking at ZYC, he's about ready to sacrifice himself, though... ::incoherent pterodactyl screeching::

I keep repeating myself, but how is this kid 12. And finally the missing members of the squad reappear! (Just to get the front row, of course.) Oh, oh no. Even though I kinda knew that Ao Yin was going to do this... (I wonder if the poison worked way faster on her because she's a lesser demon?) I can't believe they made me cry over the human livers dealer!

I feel like I said it after every episode so far, but what an episode. I also find it more and more difficult to watch without being tempted to read other folks' commentary first, since I'm so anxious about what's going to happen next; so on one hand, I'd want to be prepared for the worst (so I should spoil myself), on the other though, I want to see what happens with my own eyes first... ah, decisions, decisions.

[this-is-exorsexism]

Hey, since I saw you speak German (making that assumption based on the fact that you mentioned a exorsexist comment being German in a post. Sorry if that’s a wrong assumption) I really want to talk about instances of exorsexism that I see so often in the feminist German speaking circles and that I’m so so tired off.

The terms “female read” and “male read” to refer to people, both when talking about, you know, just everyday things they saw ex. “I like seeing female read people sporting body hair” (just say you like people who don’t shave their body hair. Cause it’s not just the demographic of people that society pushes to present as “women” that are pressured into body hair removal.) and in context of feminist discussions “Cat calling affects female read individuals more than male read people. And male read people are more often the perpetrator of cat calling”. (This one irkes me so so much, because it’s a sweeping generalisation in general, which is just not okay.)

Another example that also falls into every day things and is even more removed from any “political” statement: “I saw a female read person that reminded me of my mother.” (This quote came from a nonbinary person which made the unnecessary gendering feel even more uncomfortable. There was no forceful gendering of the person necessary. It could have just been “I saw a person that reminded me of my mother” the assumption that it must have been a woman already is a possibility by the association with mother. And you sadly can’t get rid of it. There is no necessity to state it like that.)

One last longer example that is partly feminism related again (that is a near direct translation): “A lot of women and female read people know the feeling of standing in front of the mirror and asking wether or not they want to wear this or if it’s too revealing. Because choice of clothing alone can suggest you want to provoke men.[…] Even if a female read person wears tight clothing, because [she/they] feel sexy in it, is that no reason to insult [her/them] as a slut.” (The “she” could have also been meant in a “they” sense, because this is a translation situation where it isn’t 100% clear. That’s why I wrote it like that.) (This quote is again making assumptions and putting experiences on people and forcefully gendering people who experience these feelings. When these experiences actually can’t be categorised like that. Like even perisex cis men can experience this. It is also very telling here that only the “female read” wording was used when making social commentary, not the “male read”, when men where mentioned.)

(These statements are not always necessarily word for word quotes. They are partly just things I remember seeing in the past. Each example is from a different person.)

The description “female read”/“male read” as you likely know is typically said to be used to “to be more inclusive. Since we don’t know how someone actually identifies and we shouldn’t assume”. Which to me is just very much a “I’m gonna categorise you into man or woman on sight, just as anyone else, but I’ll say ‘male read’/‘female read’ to make it inclusive and not feel bad in case I’m actually misgendering you.”.

The fact that people think it’s more inclusive and isn’t just basically another way to categories man and woman, while claiming to be inclusive, drives me up the wall if I think about it for to long. The idea to be categorised as “female read” is honestly more dysphoria inducing than simply being assumed to be a woman, because it feels even more like failing at being uncategorisable, because the people supposedly not clinging onto the binary are categorising me as something I’m not. And as I hinted at, at the beginning, these two categories virtually ignore any possibility of seeing people who your brain can’t sort into the man/woman categories immediately, and pushes them into one or the other. Which also can ultimately lead to erasure of intersex individuals who could be sorted differently than both their sex and gender. (I hope my wording here is okay and it’s clear what I mean. If not. Please let me know.) The categories of “female read”/“male read” to me are ultimately cissexist, exorsexist and intersexist. This whole concept is just forceful gendering of people wrapped up in a pretty package that says “feminism”.

A big personal pet peeve of mine is people praising people who categorise like that. I’ve recently seen it done by a cis woman, intersectional feminist, who was praising a speaker for using the terms.

There is also the not uncommon occurrence where it’s just not even hidden anymore that “female read” or “male read” is just put in instead of woman or man or used interchangeably.

I just truly deeply dislike how these terms have become a very common thing in feminist circles, even between trans*(= very much meaning nonbinary here as well, hence the trans*) educators, feminists and influencers. It feels like such a gut punch to see even them reinforcing the gender binary in such ways.

(If you disagree with this being exorsexism I’d be very curious as to how. Because to me personally it is a very clear example of exorsexism that I’ve been wishing to talk about since I first encountered it. Also sorry if this is worded a bit confusingly at times. I tried my best.)

this is definitely exorsexism.

i know exactly what you're talking about and i have spoken about the misuse of these terms at length on my personal social media too.

to be honest, i was about to defend ~some~ uses of these terms, but after reading everything you said, i think these terms need to be retired.

i think at least half the time people use "female-read" and "male-read" to just mean women and men, because i don't know, maybe they think nonbinary people think that men and women exist is somehow offensive? a woman is a woman and you can and should just call her a woman, a man is a man and you can and should just call him a man. calling a woman "female-read" is entirely unnecessary and quite disrespectful too, in my opinion. it basically strips her of her identity as a woman and reduces her to how society sees her. the same is true for men.

"male-read people are often the perpetrators of catcalling" is also an interesting one because it proves that "male-read" and "female-read" are just stand-ins for the gender binary and gender oppositionism: "male-read" people have (perisex cisgender) male privilege and the entitlement and attitudes that come with it. they can never be victims of patriarchal violence, only perpetrators. "female-read" people are always more marginalised than "male-read" people. if you want to talk about people who are most likely to catcall, you must talk about perisex cisgender men.

as you've said, this doesn't take into account transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as it doesn't only sort us into a new male-female gender binary but also into a binary of "perpetrator of the patriarchy" and "victim of the patriarchy" in very oversimplified ways. in its attempt at inclusivity, this language completely obscures the experiences of people whom society sees as men or women but aren't. being seen as male when you're nonbinary or female, being seen as female when you're nonbinary or male, i.e. having your gender assumed incorrectly can actually be really dangerous. it also once again reduces us to how society sees us and acts as if our actual genders don't contribute to our experience.

one of the strangest ways people use this language is when they say something like "i saw a male-read person at the shop today". like, what do you mean? you read this person as male. you projected your binary thinking onto this person. using passive voice for this is just a way to try to remove your responsibility in participating in this system of gender assumption. at this point, you might just say that you saw a man at the shop. in this context, they mean the exact same thing.

these terms also don't take into account that there are different ways of being perceived as male or female. some people are perceived as transgender male rather than cisgender male, which are two very different experiences. being seen as transgender female rather than cisgender female is also very much not the same.

people also ignore that a lot the people they're trying to be inclusive of by using this language aren't actually consistently read as either binary gender or are read as something else entirely. "male-read" and "female-read" are pretty much used to be permanent life-long states of being perceived, with the exception of people transitioning and then going from one to the other and will be read as that and only that for the rest of their life. in reality, this looks very different. some of us are called he one day and she another. sometimes it depends on our gender presentation. sometimes it depends on the person perceiving us. for many of us, we actually have no idea how someone's perceiving our gender until they indicate this. also, many of us aren't read as either male or female. a lot of us are just read as "what the fuck are you" or [insert slur here]. none of these experiences can be mapped onto the idea of male-read and female-read.

not to mention how they keep using these terms to refer to body parts. "female-read" is too often just code for "has boobs". it's especially funny when they use this language for internal organs. like, sure, the catcaller on the street totally perceives someone's uterus.

"male-read" and "female-read" are what "women and femmes" or the transmasc/transfem binary will become if we don't stop it. they can always be replaced with other more precise terms that don't reinforce exorsexism, cissexism, intersexism and gender oppositionism.

[zevraholics]

ZevWarden Week 2023

What is it? A week (this year, November 5th - 11th) of creating new content, sharing it, and celebrating the wonderful relationship between Zevran Arainai and Grey Warden(s) of your choice. How to participate: Feel free to follow the daily prompts as inspiration for whatever ZevWarden-related content your heart desires. Fics, art, meta discussions - everything goes! Remember to tag your works appropriately (ie. #nsfw. Also see our full tag list here.) Most of all, have fun!

Prompts:

Sunday, November 5: Tradition and Trying New Things

Monday, November 6: Secrets, Kept and Told

Tuesday, November 7: Fear and Safety

Wednesday, November 8: Work and Pleasure

Thursday, November 9: Bodies and Minds

Friday, November 10: Favourite Things and Pet Peeves

Saturday, November 11: Family, Lost and Found

Tag your content with #zevwarden week 2023 or @zevraholics on your post and we’ll reblog it here.

*Any art found to be whitewashing Zevran will not be shared.

Day 1 - Sunday, November 5 - Tradition and Trying New Things

"It's Antivan tradition to throw coins in such a well as this. Supposedly it brings one luck." Which traditions (cultural, familial, personal) do Zevran and the Warden have in common, and which are different? Are there any that are unfamiliar at first, but one of them shares with the other? What are ways the two of them break with the past, forge their own paths, or maybe even create new traditions?

Day 2 - Monday, November 6 - Secrets, Kept and Told

Morrigan, "Are [the Crows] so powerful simply because they are very good at what they do? Or is there some secret to their power?" Zevran, "If there were a secret, it would only remain so if it were not told, my dear." What secrets do Zevran and the Warden keep from other people? From each other? Are there any consequences of keeping secrets, positive or negative? What truths eventually reach the light of day, and how does that reveal come about?

Day 3 - Tuesday, November 7 - Fear and Safety

"You mean you want to hear about the grueling training? Being locked in an oubliette for weeks at a time? The slavery? The festering injuries? Or are we seeking something more glamorous?" / "Oh, those things never happened to me." There are stand-out moments of fear in the life of any Grey Warden or an Antivan Crow. Share a time one or both of them were terrified. Did they face fear bravely, or did it get the better of them? What was the impact of that moment? Or, share a story about a time the two of them found safety, comfort, or calm. How did that feeling come about? Was it short-lived or long lasting?

Day 4 - Wednesday, November 8 - Work and Pleasure

"Falling down a flight of stairs is an adventure. Falling into someone's bed? Also an adventure. I am assuming what you're looking for are professional anecdotes." How much adventuring do Zevran and the Warden get up to after Origins, either together or on their own? What jobs or titles do they come to have, what anecdotes do they have to tell? Or do they settle down for a quiet life somewhere—either restlessly or happily?

Day 5 - Thursday, November 9 - Bodies and Minds

Alistair, "So those... designs you have all over your back..." Zevran, "They're called tattoos. And I have them in many more places than just on my back, my friend." What stories do Zevran and the Wardens' bodies tell? How have their bodies changed over time? How do they carry themselves, or use gestures or mannerisms? What about a time when they ran, swam, fought, or enjoyed other physical movement? Or focus your work on a part of the body - eyes, hands, hair, scars.

Day 6 - Friday, November 10 - Favorite Things and Pet Peeves

"I fancy many things. I fancy things that are beautiful and things that are strong. I fancy things that are dangerous and exciting.Would you be offended if I said I fancied you?" What are Zevran and the Warden's favorite things about each other? How did they discover those favorite things—slowly over time, or in one particular moment? What things get on their nerves about the other person? Is this something they make an effort to change, or does their partner just have to learn to live with it?

Day 7 - Saturday, November 11 - Family, Lost and Found

"Surely your life has not been so idyllic? People like you and I are not the product of happy lives of contentment, after all." Maybe the Warden resonates with that particular line from Zevran, maybe they don't. What does being part of a family mean to the Warden and Zevran? Does the answer change across different points in their lives? If they regard each other as part of a family, is there anyone else involved in their family? (Friends, other lovers, biological or adopted children, elders?)

[pinkypromisepascal]

𝙰𝚜 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 (𝚃𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚜 𝚂𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚋𝚢 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛)

Summary: Tommy finds your diaries after you passed away

content warnings: angst, emotional Tommy, mention of character’s death

word count: 2.2k

/// this piece has only been proofread by myself, so forgive me for possible mistakes ///

It had been one month since Thomas Shelby had lost you, his beloved partner. Killed by one of Major Campbell’s minions during the Epsom races which you had accompanied him to to make sure the assassination of the Field Marshal went according to plan.

Although the plan had worked out like Thomas had imagined it with Lizzie luring the Field Marshal to a secret place, away from the busy race tracks, Thomas had been kidnapped by The Red Right Hand, leaving you on your own. While he had been busy fearing his own death, he would have never thought his significant other could be another target on Campbell’s list, he wasn’t even sure if The Red Right Hand had known about the sniper that had been hiding in the bushes near the wide and lonely field.

You had watched Tommy being dragged away by the three men. You had found a way to follow those men, unnoticed by them, and had hidden behind their car to listen to them.

After taking deep breaths, you had reached for the gun Tommy had given you and tucked behind your pants on that day. “Only for when you’re in danger, eh?”

Thomas had been ready to let go of his life right then and there, as he was taking the last drag of his supposedly last cigarette in his life. He had gotten pushed to his knees and had just sat there, eyes closed, taking a final deep breath. “In the bleak midwinter…”, he had mumbled.

At that point, his memories got foggy and confusing, and definitely one of the most haunting memories he had ever collected in his life. He only remembered being pushed into the grave that had been dug out for him, guns firing, but none of the bullets hitting him. And he remembered one very distinct sound. Despite his state in that moment, he had heard someone run across the field, the dirt scattering away beneath their shoes, and two final shots, more silent than the others.

Tommy had needed a few seconds before finally pushing himself up, taking in the scene in front of him. All three men that had kidnapped him were laying dead around the grave. A few steps behind, the other body had caught his eye. A wave of shock had run through him, his heart immediately sinking at the sight of you. He had slowly walked up to your corpse, as if he could have scared you if he was too loud.

He had knelt down next to you and pulled you onto his lap. The bullet had went straight through your forehead, just a few inches over your beautiful eyes that were still open. “I’m so sorry, love. I’m so sorry I took you with me.”, he had mumbled as he pressed your against his chest, tears streaming down his face.

It still pained Thomas to think of that day. Most of the days he felt like he was alright, but on some days your face flashed in front of his eyes, blood dripping down from the bullet’s exit wound and staining his clothes as he had held you against him. He still blamed himself for what happened, despite Pol telling him several times that it had been your own decision to risk your life and that you been aware it could go wrong.

Since your death, Thomas had avoided your room in Arrow House, the desire to find you there, sitting at your desk or on your bed and reading was too strong to be confronted with the harsh truth again.

But today, he felt like he needed to take in everything that was left of you. He wanted to feel as if you were still around, felt like it could clear his mind.

As soon as he entered your room, his heart started beating faster, a feeling of nausea started spreading. He could usually keep his emotions under control, but this time was different.

When Tommy had decided he wanted to have you around at his house to spend as much time as possible with you, you had talked him into turning one of the many bedrooms into your very own, where you could keep more personal things and where you could go to when Tommy was too much to handle. It had taken some convincing, but Tommy felt like he was falling for you all over again as he had watched you decorate your room, happily sorting your books into the shelves. “Should I order them by genre or by author, what do you think, Tommy?”

Standing in your room now, it still felt so alive to him. A scarf he had gotten you as a birthday present hung over the bed frame. He ran his hand over the soft, silky material. He knew it would still smell like you, but that didn’t stop him from grabbing and wrapping it around his neck. He took in your scent that immediately hung in the air.

Memories flooded his mind again and flashed in front of his eyes, your voices nothing more than just an echo bouncing of the walls of his mind. The first conversation with you at the garrison, your first time making him laugh after blurting out a nasty joke, your first kiss in your apartment where you had taken care of a wound on his chest. “It’s just a cut, you don’t have to-”

“Shut up, Tommy, I just don’t want to hear you whining when this gets infected”, you had insisted with a smirk.

Thomas smiled at the memories and thought about how your laugh would fill the room if you saw him wearing your scarf. He liked the idea of carrying something from you on him. “God, I miss the sound of your laugh so much…”, he breathed into the silence and ran a hand over his face as his feelings started to be too much again. He kept looking through your room, his eyes falling on the numerous bookshelves. He had never really been into reading, he always said he was too busy for that. Yet, he had adored the look on your face when he had bought you another pile of books.

Regret filled him now, realizing he should’ve taken the chance to read with you together and just enjoy a peaceful day. He regretted so much. He regretted taking you to Epsom with him, he regretted thinking you would be safe. And he abhorred the ugly truth that he didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye, you had died right after impact.

Thomas’ whole body tightened, a pressure built in his throat that made him want to scream. He clenched his fists at his side, his nostrils flared and his emotions cut off his air to breathe. He closed his eyes and focused on taking deep breaths. He turned his face towards the sun falling through the big window and let the warmth run through his body, giving him a sense of safety for now.

When he opened his eyes again, he noticed the big desk standing in front of the window. It always looked like you had just gotten up from it. You had never really had the urge to keep that desk neat and tidy, it was meant for getting lost in your own thoughts anyway, and not for work.

Tommy stepped closer and saw the notebooks scattered on the desk. He grabbed the nearest one and sat down on the floor, his back resting against the bed frame.

“Hope there’s nothing too private in here… If I find a dirty little secret of yours I can’t even confront you about it.”, he joked to make himself feel a little better. As he opened the book, several loose sheets of folded paper slipped out and fell into his lap.

He picked up one paper and unfolded it, discovering a drawing of himself, looking to the side and smiling with a cigarette in his hand. He couldn’t exactly make out the background of the drawing, but he assumed it was his private booth at the garrison. Thomas grabbed the other sheets of paper, finding another drawing of him and less detailed sketches of Aunt Pol, Arthur and Ada. “It’s a shame none of us were talented enough to draw you, love”

Another sheet happened to be a letter Thomas had written to you. He chuckled in disbelief. He remembered writing the letter after you told him that you loved his handwriting and suggested he’d try to put his feelings into written words instead of spoken ones, as he had always had trouble with that.

Tommy didn’t need to read the letter, he knew every word on that piece of paper by heart, he knew the feelings he had expressed on it. Instead, he turned to the journal again and started reading.

You had written about Tommy’s family and how they treated you. Arthur and John hadn’t been sure about you at first, Aunt Pol on the other hand didn’t need much time to accept you as part of the Shelby family, as well as Ada as soon as she saw how well you were taking care of her son Karl one night. Tommy was the last one to trust you. He had liked you from the beginning, he couldn’t deny that, but it had taken a lot of time to open up to you.

Another entry was just about him, and Tommy almost felt overwhelmed at the love that shined through your words. He read about how you thought he was one of the most interesting persons you had ever met and how you adored his soft, caring side he barely showed. Tommy remembered seeing your adoration for him in your eyes. Of course there had been times where you were mad at him for overworking or getting his family into trouble, but when he had a day off and took some time to relax, he was the best company you could wish for.

At the end of that entry, Thomas’ eyes widened and his heartbeat increased again.

𝐼 𝒹ℴ𝓃’𝓉 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝒾𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈, 𝒯ℴ𝓂𝓂𝓎, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒹ℴ:

𝐼 𝓁ℴ𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓈ℴ 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽, 𝒯𝒽ℴ𝓂𝒶𝓈 𝒮𝒽ℯ𝓁𝒷𝓎, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝒽ℴ𝓅ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉. 𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒷ℯℯ𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝓇ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝒶 𝓁ℴ𝓉, 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ ℯ𝓍𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ𝒹 𝓈ℴ 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓅𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℯ𝓉, 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓂ℯ ℯ𝓃ℴ𝓊𝑔𝒽 𝓉ℴ 𝓁ℯ𝓉 𝓂ℯ 𝓈ℯℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓋𝓊𝓁𝓃ℯ𝓇𝒶𝒷𝓁ℯ 𝓈𝒾𝒹ℯ.

𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀𝒻𝓊𝓁 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓁ℯ𝓉 𝓂ℯ 𝒷ℯ𝒸ℴ𝓂ℯ 𝒶 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉 ℴ𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎. 𝐼 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒽ℯ𝓁𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 ℯ𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓎𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓈 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝑔𝒾𝓋ℯ 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓅ℴ𝓇𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓃ℯℯ𝒹. 𝐼𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓃ℯℯ𝒹 𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓈 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓃ℯ𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝒸𝓇𝒾𝓂ℯ, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ. 𝐼𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓃ℯℯ𝒹 𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓈 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓃ℯ𝓇, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ. 𝐼𝒻 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓃ℯℯ𝒹 𝓂ℯ 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝓈𝒽ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹ℯ𝓇 𝓉ℴ 𝒸𝓇𝓎 ℴ𝓃, 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒹ℯ𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓉ℯ𝓁𝓎 𝒷ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇ℯ. 𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂ℯ, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓁ℴ𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓂ℯ.

That little note was what broke Tommy. He felt his throat close up, his eyes starting to burn. His breath hitched and he decided to just let it happen, to let the tears stream down his face. He covered his mouth with one hand to muffle his sobbing.

His emotions were rushing through his body like flashes, paralyzing him and stopping him from exiting this state. All the bottled up guilt suddenly pressed against his skin from the insides, making his limbs ache and burn.

How could he let this happen to you? Why had he been so naive? Thinking you would be safe from Campbell?

Tommy’s head started throbbing, his throat still closed up and his stomach turned. He wanted to scream, to cry out loud and exhaust his body until he’d fall unconscious. Sorrow slowly turned into panic and fear, his stomach turned and Tommy felt like throwing up.

Tommy pushed the diary away and laid down on the floor, trying to get as much sun shining on his frame as possible. His eyes closed, he took deep breaths and stretched his arms to the side. “You’re gonna be ok, Thomas. Deep, controlled breaths.”, he whispered to himself.

A few breaths later, Tommy slowly calmed down, and acceptance started to set in. He knew he had to accept your death one day instead of internally denying it the whole time. He needed to accept that all that was left of you was this room, his memories of you, and of course the scarf around his neck that he would never take off again. He needed to cherish those things before his sadness kicked him off the edge for good. You were gone, and there was no way of bringing you back.

Thomas knew he wouldn’t be alone in this, he knew that his family would help him wherever they could, that they would help him clear his mind of the heavy fog that kept him from moving on.

After a few more minutes, Thomas felt like he could feel you laying on top him, your fingers softly caressing his face. He imagined you humming the melody of your favorite song to him and he slowly drifted into a much needed sleep.

__________________________________________________________

author’s note: as promised in my previous post, my first story on here! I originally wrote this about a year ago, but I did rewrite it today in one go and my god, the time it took me to finish this, but I’m happy with how it turned out. I do kinda have a second part planned for this with kinda supernatural elements, but I haven’t really figured out how to put it into a good story yet, but I do like writing a very emotional and torn Thomas Shelby, so I might as well write that damn second part. 

Anyhow, I hope you liked reading this piece, feel free to give me some feedback, criticism is welcome, as long as it’s constructive lol. 

Have a great day!

[senka-mesecine]

Not to be terribly dark or nsfw for work here, but could you please write headcanons for cuddling with the platoon boys?

---

― Even though he hangs out with Elias' squad who are generally an affectionate bunch (far more so than Barnes's side of the platoon, that's for sure), thing is, I don't think cuddling comes that easily to Chris who possibly still has a bit of a suburban, classically midcentury notion on physicality and propriety that's pretty deeply ingrained in him, regardless how much he unlearned. Sure, a casual hug, pat on the back, squeeze of shoulders between compatriots, but actually laying down and holding someone really close? Not that he sees anything wrong with it, mind you, but in a really weird sense, ironically, Taylor might be most similar to Barnes than anyone else. Not that he knows it. Not that he'd ever admit to it. Heck, he'd probably get impassioned arguing against such an accusation. It's just that he's either awkwardly rigid and somewhat flustered, needing to be led into affection rather than outright giving it or he expects the other party to initiate it and for him to be the receiver after that initial hurdle is already crossed by you. Not that he doesn't like it. Might say he doesn't at first. In fact, he might very possessive of the notion of your touch as time moves on. It's just that first step? It's always hard to cross.

― O'Neill probably has a whole rambling ass theory in place how cuddling ain't for self respecting men and that it's something he's willing to do if nagged and nagged enough (Supposedly begrudgingly, emphasis on the 'supposedly' and only as a favor for you if you're tremendously insistent about it?) rather than it ever being done to him, except, behind closed doors, his head might be in your lap within two minutes flat and everything he's publicly said turns out to be entirely bogus and for show. It's all a typically O'Neill stunt for the masses, baby. See, there's a lot of empty, hot air around the things Red says and does most often, and if he plays this irritating, overly macho role, what happens privately might be entirely different. Truth is, man actually loves cuddles and he indulges in them like a whiny puppy might. It's genuinely therapeutic for him. He could be there nervously moping and complaining about something as he run your fingers through his hair while he rests his head on your knees and chainsmokes like someone who's life depends on it. It is legitimately (secretly) one of his favorite activities.

― Bunny's a demonic cuddlemonster, truly living up to his nickname. Except, he doesn't want it ever acknowledged that he is, you see. Officially, in the most derogatory sense he deems it as 'pussy shit' activity pretty vocally, but it's pussy shit activity he actually loves and thrives off of like someone absolutely addicted, going as far as preferring to be the one being cuddled, in fact. Being the little spoon. Being the one nuzzling over to you. Being the one held. Being the one with his head on your chest. Being the one who enjoys head pats and his hair being caressed. He's clingy. He's smothering. He's possessive. He's needy. He grasps and holds you back awfully tight, to the point of the contact tending to be painful and he could do this all day, yes and often times said excessive cuddling could be a prelude to sex or getting off, but even if it doesn't always lead to that (which is...rare) for someone talking as much smack about cuddling as Bunny might one could say he loves the whole notion more than anyone in his platoon.

― Rhah adores cuddling and he isn't afraid to be vehemently upfront about it to the degree he'd be transparent and even proud regarding the subject in front of the other boys too, being convinced that any self respecting man should wanna feel up his partner, touch them, squeeze them, please them and explore the contours of their body well and often --- a belief he holds to like it's religion; in fact, just how descriptive he gets with why he's very much for the gesture itself could get so accidentally erotic and sensual one might just feel they're interrupting something merely listening to Vermucci talk about it. Sounds a little like foreplay when he describes it. He might even start demonstrating how he does it by drawing out the contours of a body in thin air with his hands so everyone would get the general notion where someone likes being touched the most, being both passionate and almost seethingly aggressive at times as he does it and in practice, he's just as ardent in with cuddles as he is when he's merely chatting about it. Fact stands, man's a bear cuddler who smothers in love.

― Much like Rhah himself, King just doesn't understand people who don't wanna cuddle their significant other literally all day long and with relish and for all the world to see; he thinks there's basically something wrong with individuals like that. Like they're missing a couple of screws or something, denying themselves some of the profoundly most unspoiled joys of life on purpose, purely to show off to someone somewhere. But, who's gonna be impressed? That's right. No one! He doesn't subscribe to that repressive crap, as he calls it. He subscribes to loving and being loved, meaning that he wants everyone to know how much he likes physical affection, he wants everyone to see and shoot, if he they can envy him some for it too while he has the back of his gleeful, overly pleased head pressed up against your chest like a soft pillow to lean on, he wouldn't at all mind that either. Not his fault he knows how to live life good and if they took a lesson out of his book, they might just live life good too, is what he thinks.

― Wolfe might be so surprised by the prospect of cuddling he initially wouldn't know what to do or think about it, part of him wanting to immediately melt into it through instinct alone ---- the affection so new and unexpected it's almost something else entirely all while another part of him is there wanting to put up a masculine front so, as he'd hope, you'd be even more impressed with him and he'd come off like a serious figurative of authority who doesn't exactly need this but still concedes for your sake (truly considerate) so as a result he might just sit there, awkwardly smiling, repressing himself deliberately, acting the man, rigidly in place while you hold unto him. The truth is, he could jump out of his skin with affirmation and joy but he's playing a bit hard to get and it's killing him in actuality on the inside but he'd rather gnaw off his own foot than show it. Thing is, Mark could be so touch and attention starved it's hard to cope with all of it. If he actually acted how he truly wanted to act without any of the masks and nonsense he'd be a dufus who'd barely keep himself from smiling as he goes in for a hug. Can't have that.

― Lazy hammock lounging, sleeping in his arms, holding him or being held by him, playing with each other's hair, getting high together and dozing off in each other's embrace, tangled feet hanging off the edge of the bed or the sofa, pillowtalking for hours and hours or perhaps just looking at each other as you hug, Elias is the king of snuggling and nestling down as a concept and he's so free and generous with it he might just do it platonically as well as romantically, what's meaning to say one doesn't necessarily have to be with him to lay up in his arms --- he's shockingly giving like that. No prejudice in sight. If it feels good mutually then it feels good, so why deny the sensation of it? For all his nimbleness and how energized and active he is on field, in action, Elias could just as easily be as lazy as a sloth when he's in the right mindset and mood, not moving out of a state of cuddling with you for a full day, if need be, eating in your arms, snacking in your arms, smoking in your arms, being fed by you or feeding you, sleeping there and only getting up if absolutely necessary. Cuddling is less so something Elias merely does, as a result --- it's more like a lifestyle to him.

― Barnes doesn't cuddle, but he tactically leaves the terrain open for you to do it to him because he actually likes it deep down, he just makes no note of ever actually saying it because he doesn't think that's a thing that should ever be said, as rigid and stern as he generally is --- he doesn't want to 'depend' on something. Doesn't want to 'need' anything --- especially not a sensation that can be taken away afterwards, rendering him weak as a result; his presence is just there and if he's standing still and the setting is mellow enough to warrant physical closeness it stands to reason he's giving you a quiet signal to do it if you want to do it. But, thing is, in order to recognize said signals you have to know him exceedingly well first and foremost. Him, his body language, his eyes, what his eyes are trying to tell you, his expressions, the most unassuming gestures, which is to be expected for all he's concerned --- he wouldn't want anyone he who he doesn't know or who doesn't know him getting so personal with him anyway. That gateway is open. You're given leave. You just gotta walk through it. Barnes quietly allowing you to be that intimate is almost an unprecedented sign of trust.

[rainbow-femme]

I am absolutely loving the SJM posts! I have never been able to get into her books despite trying every series (I have Crescent City currently checked out from the library). Her characters are just.... Such shit people and I can't care about them 😭

My personal feeling about SJM is she’s good at writing dark sexy wish fulfillment, but she also wants to write regular fantasy adventure, so you get things like 365 Days but in a setting where there are real world morals and we’re told the main characters are genuinely very good people

Like the set up of Feyre and Rhysand with the Hewn City. You’re married to the hottest and most powerful high lord and also you’re hot and powerful and he rules over a court of monsters and you now rule over those monsters too? Sexy. It’s then established that a main character grew up there and actually it’s not all monsters and there are innocent people living under terrible conditions and the main characters react by going “Eat shit and die, fuckers 😜” when the people want to leave and also make it so even if those people get out the one safe city by law has to refuse them service? Suddenly much less sexy.

Hot foreplay in a fantasy library? Sexy. Establishing that everyone who works there suffered sexual assault and then having that hot foreplay near them? Less sexy.

Becoming super bad ass and powerful and taking down your ex? Sexy. Establishing that said take down resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent people and the entire time said ex was actually working under cover in a way that ended up saving countless lives by helping the war? Less sexy.

I feel like you can have dark fantasy and dark fantasy morals, and you can have main characters that do bad things, but when you include those things but then constantly be like “look how great and wonderful they are!” Then it’s like ok well now I’m just annoyed

If they did the same stuff but there wasn’t a constant attempt to tell us they’re all actually pure moral softboys and the books just were like “yup they’re assholes!” then I would have fun because I love stories about assholes who fight other assholes and they all suck. The Maltese Falcon is one of my favorite movies for that reasons, every character is the fucking worst and sometimes they work together and sometimes against each other and they all have different backgrounds and skills and that’s fun!

Or even just an Oceans 11 take where it’s like are they criminals/assholes? Yes. Are they doing this for selfish gain? Yes. Are they doing this for petty revenge? Yes. Are they very charismatic and fun to watch? Also yes, which is why people love it and love the characters

I also am someone who loves world building and hers has a lot of cool ideas but she paints herself into corners constantly because of the need to have both sexy wish fulfillment and engaging plots outside of the sexiness

Again it’s sexy to make all your main characters the most powerful people in the history of ever, but then there’s no tension if they can just easily solve every problem, so these supposedly super powerful people get their shit absolutely wrecked constantly because they’re only powerful when it’s not plot relevant

“Azriel and Cassian have way more power gemstones than any other Illyrian, meaning they’re so much more powerful than even the most powerful warriors” Ok cool so why do they get bodied every time they’re in a fight

It falls under the same umbrella as the House of Night books where you have a great world set up and then it’s full of powerful asshole main characters who the book tells you every two pages are the best people ever. Although SJM is miles better than P.C. Cast and ACOTAR is miles better than House of Night

[cows-wearing-my-sweater]

celestial

word count: 1044 warnings: none notes: i was in the middle of writing a totally different fic but i suddenly got way more inspiration for this so i kinda had to do it LOL (p.s listen to mazzy star or slowdive while u read this)

“I thought I was so obvious about it,” you say with a laugh.

Matty shrugs. “Maybe I just couldn’t believe I deserve someone like you.”

You tap his shoe with yours, a simple sign of affection. It’s easy with him. It’s easy to say nothing and everything while you lie next to Matty on your rooftop in the dead of night. It’s that early summer sort of night, the type where the air smells sweet and cool, and the stars are brighter than you previously remembered. You wonder if the dot in the sky that seems to sparkle is Venus. A moment of comfortable quiet falls before you prod him further. “Someone like me?”

“Well, yeah.” Matty says this as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re just… you. It feels like I’m doing you a disservice when I try to find something I can compare you to. ‘Course I didn’t think someone like you was gonna be fucking in love with me. Not after I’ve acted like a twat so much,” he adds.

You hum thoughtfully at this. Your hand searches for his in the dark, and when you find it you link your pinky fingers together. You’ve always done this – the motion is second nature now. You like to imagine you can feel electric pulses running between the two bodies through such a small action, like you’re two parts bonding into a whole. “You’re not that much of a twat,” you tease him. “I’d still like you even if you were. You’re just too good.”

“You’re crazy,” Matty tells you affectionately.

“Says you.” 

Matty doesn’t respond, but taps your foot. It means “I love you.”

You bring your focus back up to the stars and point out a constellation to Matty. You don’t really see the shapes they supposedly make, but you know they’re there regardless. “It always amazes me that these are the same stars that have always been watching us. It’s the same sky and moon too. They’re constants.” You say this more to yourself than to Matty, but he listens nonetheless. “So much has changed but it’s still the same universe. We’re still so small and it’s still so big.”

Matty studies you while you speak. Your eyes reflect like pools of the celestial sky; he could dive in them and be bathed in starlight. He could reach out and touch your skin and it would burn him, just as if he had touched a star. His fingers beg to trace your lips in an attempt to capture the sounds that escape them; it equates to hearing a beautiful orchestra for the very first time.

“You’re awfully quiet,” you point out. You had been speaking for quite awhile, completely uninterrupted. Usually Matty would have thrown in his own thoughts by now, but he’s still just watching you speak. 

“Am I?” he asks with a frown.

You nod and slip your hand from his, raising it to poke his temple with your index finger. “What’s going on in there?”

Matty grins at you. He’s been waiting for this opportunity. “D’you really wanna know?”

“Yes, idiot, of course I do/”

A look of satisfaction appears upon Matty’s face. “I’ve been thinking about you and what you’re like and how I still get surprised that you’re in love with me the same way I am with you. And I’m in love with the way you love, [Y/N], you have so much affection for such beautiful things. You make me feel like a beautiful thing with your love.” You take note of the familiar glint in his eyes, the way he seems to emanate energy when he gets excited and can’t stop rambling. “There’s a natural sort of beauty about you and some days I’m not sure a world like this could have produced something so perfect. It’s like… you must have been sculpted from some celestial body that we haven’t discovered yet. If there were some kind of divine power, you’d be the reason I'd believe in it.”

You bring yourself closer to Matty and nestle yourself by his side, his arm wrapping around you. “I was right when I said you’re just too good.” You think hard on what to say next, turning Matty’s own words over in your head again and again. It’s more than difficult to be so effortlessly poetic in the moment the way Matty is. You tell him this. “I wish I could place you right inside my head so you would be able to see just how much you occupy my mind every single day. You’re everywhere I look and my love for you follows. It lives where I live.”

Matty leans into you further, turns his head to rest on yours. He needs to breathe you in. “You know when something just feels really right, like it’s where you’re supposed to be?” he asks. His voice is softer now, his lips closer to your ear.

“Yeah. Definitely.”

“This is one of those things. Being with you, I mean.”

“I could’ve told you that from day one,” you tease. “You were too busy thinking I couldn’t be in love with you.”

Matty gasps dramatically. “I cannot believe you’d speak to me like that after I poured my heart out to you.”

You pointedly ignore this. Tree branches up above you sprawl across the sky, reaching out into nothingness. Gentle breeze shakes them, leaves rattling in unison. The sound makes you tired, and Matty’s body warmth certainly doesn’t help. You stifle a yawn, but not without Matty noticing.

“You wanna go back inside, darling?”

You give a noncommittal shrug. Truthfully, you want to stay out here all night, watch the sky slowly turn to a rosy pink and hear the familiar bird calls; you want to watch things start anew. You’re just as content with the thought of a soft bed though, and, more importantly, Matty’s rhythmic breathing to lull you off to sleep. 

The stars twinkle kindly down upon you and your lover. You hope that when you die you become a big ball of light. You hope that Matty joins you in that way, nothing but pure energy, withstanding time and space. You could be eternalized in this universe with him.

[karskilledme]

Late Night Visits Pt.2 Kars x Reader

Link to part one(NSFW) if you haven't read it. A long time ago someone said I should make a part two. I'm trying to write again so here it is. Reader and Kars renegotiate their 'agreement' into something much more suitable for two lovers.

Warnings: Cigarette mentions, mentions of sex but no actual sex, not proofread.

Words: 738 (A shorty)

Minors DNI

It had only been two days between Kars sniffing out my feelings for him and his next visit. The night started off like many before it, with a cigarette and hot, needy, sex. What was different was that he didn’t leave right after. When all was said and done, he’d usually slink away into the night but this time he stayed. He had said things would need to be renegotiated but half of me believed that was just to appease me. It seems I was wrong and that’s not something I’m disappointed about.

Kars didn’t redon his loincloth as he usually did. Instead, he put on a pair of shorts I’d once gotten him and gracefully laid down next to me on my smaller than needed bed. It did the job just fine when we were on top of each other but now that we were laying towards each other, it seemed much more pitiful. 

Kars looped a strand of my hair in his fingers and hummed. He seemed to ponder for a moment. The anticipation of what he might say practically ate me alive and I’m sure he could sense it. Finally, he spoke. “About our agreement. It seems that I too have developed some kind of feeling for you. You’re a silly thing but I do like you and I especially like your company.” He paused, dropping the strand of hair and turning to look at me more intently now. “I suggest that we make it official and you become my mate.” I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, taking my time to process what he’d just said. His way of talking was so formal and different compared to the likes of modern humans but it was charming in a way. His use of the word mate was the only hang-up I just couldn’t seem to move past. 

“Mate?” I began. “I’m very happy that you have feelings for me… I guess I’m just a little confused about the whole mate part. Are you wanting to have kids… like now?” 

Kars grinned with an airy chuckle and cast his head back softly before returning his gaze. “Mate is what Pillarmen typically call their partners. You humans use all kinds of silly terms to lighten the weight of the word. And there is no rush on kids, of course, I do have quite a lot of time on my hands to get to that.” 

I smiled softly with a chuckle at the beautiful man before me and his unique mannerisms. I sighed, not in exasperation but rather in delight or contentment. “Well then mates it is!” I giggled out, squeezing his bicep. 

Kars moved, softer than usual, from beside me to cage atop me with one hand on either side of me. His hair tickled me ever so softly as he peered down at me and I at him. It felt magical basking in this feeling of closeness we now openly shared. He leaned down closer, his breath tickling my lips causing my heart to erupt in flutter. It was silly really, considering what we had just done moments ago but a kiss on the lips was what I had dreamed of for many nights and now it was so close, he was so close. His lips pressed ever so softly to mine, soft and plush like a velvet pillow. I kissed back with all the emotion I could convey though I doubt my lips were nearly as soft and nice as his. He pulled back and leaned his forehead in close, the bodies of his horns rubbing softly against my skin. This intimacy felt so warm and unreal. I never knew the mean and supposedly awful side of Kars but I also have never known this sweet and tender side that I was seeing now. Unreal was the word for it. He pulled away with a look of contentment, different from his usual look of cockiness.

“It’s a pillarman tradition to rub horns with your new mate. Considering you don’t have any I made do with your human forehead.” He said leaning up to kneel above me. I scoffed with a smile. “You sure know how to ruin a cute moment with your human-shmuman talk. Well, I thought it was sweet and if I had horns I surely would have reciprocated.”

Kars gazed at me mischievously. “You’re lucky I like you (Y/n).”

[issa-pheonyx]

Yandere-sub!Krauser X GN!Reader🔪🌶️

𝗦𝗼, 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗞𝗿𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. 𝗕𝘂𝘁, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗱𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗻𝗼𝘁, 𝘁𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱. 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆/𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁…𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝗻-𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲👀💀

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

-Krauser has been dominating his job role and wanted more than that, but when he realizes that it still didn't satisfy him he grew frustrated. It caused him to lash out on his agents during training and having to have the major Krauser attitude. However, when he was training with you and you literally had that man pinned easily and knife dangerously close to his neck. He was taken aback, but when realization hits his private started to intrude the moment quickly telling you,"That'll be all, (Y/N)." Thankfully, you didn't feel it yet under you when you were straddling his hips...after the training he had to excuse himself to the restrooms to blow off some steam

-It seem like training became brutal for others and worse for Leon since you both were part of the victims of the Raccoon City incident. Near death experiences from those missions he had to do and whilst you-well, they are dangerous regardless, but you manage to finish it much more quickly. Supposedly, behind the scenes someone convinced that you should be held more lightly for a special mission in Spain and for Leon to be very prepared

-Eventually, after finding out about Krauser you were in disbelief as you just see him as major Krauser with respect and loyalty. Krauser on the other hand was much more intimate. "Major Krauser!? Why are you doing this?" He just smirks and answers,"To clean up this insane world of ours and for you to be on the pedestal whilst I pick up the mess after Leon, of course~" You now hold so much venom for him and after each encounter you have with him is rather...different

-He is a man of weaponry alright, but every time you use your gun he manages to dodge it all and is always doing close hits with you. So, you just stick to your knife. The thing is when you even manage to dodge his attacks and you would attempt to strike him he would only move in certain ways. Like he wants to be cut in certain parts of his body. You overthink it that he is secretly enjoying this, yet catch you off guard as he would kick you and throws a flash bang, making you having to find him again to end it

-When you were finding him you seem to catch him in a hidden corner, but quickly move away, so he wouldn't see you. He was sitting down on the dirt leaning against the wall. He was some sort of action with his hand, but it looked like he was hiding it. You try to stay quiet and find another spot where you can get a clear view...my lord he is jerking off. He is trying to suppress his moans as they sounded like whimpers and hissing, his other hand touching the cuts you given him as small leaks of blood goes down his skin. What a sick son of a bitch-

WARNING!! Spicy after this thread [MDNI🔞]

-Whether it is fresh cuts, healing scabs, or scars that is done by YOU it will get him so turned on, because you made those damages. Nobody else couldn't do it cause their lack of parrying and evading his attacks were so stupid and weak. Not you though at least now he will have to work harder and to prove someone-you, that he is more better than anyone else who dare to lay a finger on you

-Even if it isn't a knife he does not mind if it is your nails. Scratching him whether it is his face when he has you pinned on the ground or his back when he pounding you mid fight, grunting and his moans cutting off, because my god you feel amazing and that you're scratching his back, shoulders, and chest. He wants to keep going more faster and harder just to feel the stinging-burning sensation of your nails

-However, if he hasn't managed to get a hold of your insides he would find a way to get you really mad. He wants you to hate him. Hate him physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Psychologically. Just anything. PLEASE!! Krauser wants you to say it. Say that you hate him. Tell him reasons why you hate him while you're cutting his chest, one on his belly, his arm, and small one on his cheek. Give it all to him he wants to feel something

-Put him in a dangerous position like having a knife close to his neck as he is pounding inside you and if he is not making you feel good, threaten him and make the blade get really touchy-almost shifting from how hard and fast he is thrusting into his skin. Or when you're railing him from behind and you cover his mouth with one hand and use the other with the knife dragging down his back, making him cum from the pain and pleasure. He is such a masochistic monster

-Again, the only reason he wants all this is, because he is tired of having to be better than everybody else, but when you came he has something to do. Someone to prove, but to also degrade him, because that'll motivate him to do better. More better than Leon. That's why he became a traitor to show just how powerful he can be for you and that Leon is not worth your presence~

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁. 𝗠𝘆 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹~🖤🫣

[noroi1000]

Mistress of magic

Gojo x Zatanna Zatara reader

@00aw

Summary: A very strong Sorcerer appeared on the battlefield. Someone stronger than Gojo and Sukuna. However, you are so nice and kind to him. You don't want him to die. That's why you help him.

Mistress of magic.

Sorceress supreme.

A person who was thought to be only a fairy tale was called variously.

Nobody has ever met this person.

According to people who knew about this person, there are different dimensions. And she lives in one of them. Mistress of magic. A very powerful sorcerer whose powers cannot be compared to anyone else's.

Apparently, this person can appear suddenly, and destroy everything that disturbs the peace.

Because too much energy released is bad. Destruction and death.

According to some people, it is a divine being that looks at everything from the heavens. Some believe that this is a legendary figure who lived in ancient times, or even earlier.

Great strength and abilities. Something no one would even dream of.

Many possibilities.

However, such a person with such powers was considered a sorcerer.

A female sorcerer whose cursed energy was so powerful to accomplish all this.

Healing, teleportation, protection, attacks. All at once. In one person.

Mystical and cosmic forces.

Everything that anyone can dream of.

A power that could not be matched by the strongest sorcerer in all life on earth.

The origin of this person was unknown.

Or whether she exists.

But according to the stories and conjectures, this person will appear at the moment when humanity will need it.

He will come out of the shadows to suppress the evil that threatens people.

Nobody knows when. Nobody knows how...

But it was thought so.

Few people knew about this story.

But apparently some sorcerers read this story from the stars. And tarot cards and all the others have always confirmed this message.

Although no one believed, supposedly at a very important moment for humanity, their deliverance will appear.

And the Sorceress supreme will come to save people from death.

Cursed energy is negative energy.

But a person with so much energy to do so much good is a wonderful person.

Easily protect, attack and heal. move.

The woman who appeared in the sky right after shattering the barrier of the domain of the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer seemed to have this ability.

Her cut skin regenerated very quickly.

Slash protection appeared around her.

And also something came to attack the attacker.

So that the woman would later disappear and appear in another place.

Her hair waved in the wind as great amounts of cursed energy floated around her.

Seeing and feeling this person, the men stopped fighting for a moment.

You looked at them questioningly.

So it was a fight of the fittest?

You should stop it... So many people have already lost their lives in this place.

Everything was showing you which one was the bad guy.

You flew down to stand next to the tall White Haired man.

And suddenly you put your hand on his forearm, causing all his wounds to heal.

However, more slashes came later, which you deflected, knocking invisible blades away from his body.

They can't win against you.

They can't even think of fighting you.

Your aura is so overwhelming.

It hits them hard and makes their bodies want to twist.

That white-haired man must need some help. Even though you feel he's powerful. You will help him to end it as soon as possible.

You don't want someone who kills for fun to win.

Since he's fighting to defeat him, you can help him.

"What's your name?" You asked with a small smile, looking at him.

You looked so nice. Even though you could probably beat them both at once.

You were so nice to him...

"Gojo Satoru." He replied, looking out of the corner of his eye at the opponent with tattoos. "And you...?"

"(y/n) (l/n)." you smiled harder.

Your smile was so warm even though the chill of death hung in the air.

However, when he was standing next to you, he felt that warmth.

The warmth of safety. Assurance that everything will be fine.

Is this how his disciples felt next to him? He was the strongest and beat everyone. Was this the feeling of peace his disciples felt when he came?

Because now he was the one feeling it. Next to you.

You gave him such peace of mind. A sense of unwavering security.

Because you are definitely stronger than them.

His six eyes told him so.

He wouldn't want you on Sukuna's side. Because if that happened, the world would fall.

You looked at the black-haired man suddenly and uttered something incomprehensible.

And around the sky there was an energy that tried to crush him. It was as if his body was trying to catch demons.

However, he escaped.

You said something again, and the rubble around him lifted up, hitting him with all its might.

Even if he could do the same, your attack was more powerful.

Each scrap was soaked with cursed energy that hitting Sukun did not give him a chance to escape.

He could dodge, but he couldn't escape.

Gojo had heard of such power before. So much more powerful.

His ancestor is Michizane Sugawara. Powerful Jujutsu Sorcerer.

However, there was someone else, more powerful.

Even before that person.

The first user of such a powerful power.

In each generation, one child inherited this power.

However, just like all around, there are fewer sorcerers in the world now than before.

Finding the offspring of the strongest female sorcerer was difficult.

Until suddenly you appeared.

A descendant of the mighty Zatanna Zatara.

You have all that power.

And you will use it to help him.

Because despite the monstrous strength you possess, he feels kindness in you. You're so nice.

Is it possible that he might fall in love?

Because you're so nice to him and deadly to Sukuna.

You treat him, you care about healing him.

Thanks to you, he didn't waste his energy healing him.

So he could lead the fight.

You didn't know your opponent exactly because you just arrived here.

But you've learned your partner's skill in combat.

He really is powerful.

You managed to synchronize your movements so that you didn't accidentally hit him.

You didn't know their abilities, but your opponent stayed away from you.

Sukuna felt the energy emanating from you.

And it was terrifying that he could even shiver when he felt your cursed energy.

You suddenly appeared behind him.

And his body automatically ran away from you.

In order not to be close to this danger.

And then he was vulnerable to Gojo's punches, his blood dripping down his face again.

As you reached out to reach him before his flesh was cut even more, a flame flew to you.

Your energy set up a barrier, but then your body was pulled aside.

And suddenly you had your arms around a white-haired man standing a few meters from your opponent with you in his arms.

"I didn't know you had no respect even for those stronger than you." he said to the black-haired man with the tattoos.

"You're talking about yourself? Funny." He laughed, ready to attack.

"I'm talking about her."

He sent you a smile.

And then he jumped back to avoid the cuts.

Even if nothing happened to you, he couldn't just watch Sukuna throw attacks at you.

Instinctively, he pulled you away. Because I don't think anyone would want their combat companion to be attacked.

He held you in his arms in the most comfortable position for him.

As his hands tightened on your body, you felt a small blush appear on your cheeks.

He jumped back from the attacks, and when you saw his face appearing with blood oozing wounds, you set up a barrier between the two of you, sending to Sukuna a unknown technique that gave you some peace.

His eye was closed, but later you noticed that the eye he thought he closed was actually cut. Cut out.

You brought your hands up to his face, placing your fingers on his cheeks.

His eye looked at you, slightly widened.

And you healed him by watching his face return to normal.

"Better now." You mumbled with a smile.

He also gave you a warm smile in which you could see the personality of this man.

Funny and a bit childish. Hurt by life and also caring for others.

His behavior showed it.

You suddenly hugged him.

And you wanted to promise everything will be fine because you will help him defeat him.

[gatheringbones]

i have a question that I've been trying to puzzle out the answer for -- I've noticed that some speculative fiction takes a queer is normal approach because "in the future or since there's aliens! and werewolves! who has the time to question gender?" kind of mindset. as much as I treasure the thought of a future where different phobias aren't a thing, and I don't want to be someone who take too much pride and ego in the suffering (perhaps not the right word) I've been through and survived, it also makes me feel strange in that kind of mindset that, of course there's lesbians and trans people in space! without any homophobia whatsoever. my question is, do you think queernorm is possible in a good way in speculative fiction in a setting where it's so far in the future where idk. teleportation or cloning or body modification or cyborgs exist? regency/historical/fantasy novels tend to be set "in the past" and erasing the colonialism, the racism/xenophobia, not questioning why it's ok to murder orcs/an acceptable group of people, and then suddenly having Gays Are Perfectly Fine and Acceptable is definitely weird, considering all these other biases. But what of scifi? Sorry I'm not as concise and cohesive as I wish I was. I'm in a spot where I do read these and I do think it's fun, but it bothers me as someone whose race/transgender/homosexuality/background as an immigrant has informed so much of me that reading these things has been a war of "I should be happy for others that they imagine this future for themselves and it's all just fun imagination anyways!" vs. "this is not the future I'm sure that I want but I'm worried that I'm too attached to my identity and that's why I'm not considering this other possibility of what science fiction or speculative fiction could imagine for me"

that’s it exactly isn’t it— what’s “normal” when we’re in a speculative world where we’ve supposedly transcended all forms of normal? what’s normal in a future we haven’t seen yet?

answering that would mean looking at the quality of the relationships and the dynamics between the people inside of them and seeing how they connect to present day conceptions of normative behavior. You would have to look at how this comforting speculative world arranges power and the relationships between people with various forms of power.

in assimilationist fiction, queer people assume very specific positions in the story. Their existence summons and soothes specific anxieties crucial to the assimilationist mind— will my straight parents accept me? will my straight friends and acquaintances accept me? am I normal? is the way I love valid? Do I have to change anything about myself just because I’m (cringe) queer? can I go on about my life as a normal person who just happens to be (cringe) queer? will I be able to achieve the standard and normal markers of success for a white, upper-to-middle class, able-bodied person even though I’m (cringe) queer?

the assimilationist story will take these anxieties in hand and address them with the goal of seamlessly incorporating queerness into a heteronormative story structure with functionally no difference between queer and straight (which has the effect of making everyone seem incredibly straight).

I hear you on the taking too much pride and ego in suffering, but I want to poke at that as well— is queer difference really rooted in suffering? are our identities nothing more than wound sites? what IS queer difference and how and why must it be assimilated into heteronormativity and its stranglehold on culture? how does heteronormativity manifest in queer works and what needs does it fill for the queer creator manifesting it? what is it about heteronormativity that feels so so reassuring and interesting and good for queer writers?

it all depends on what the werewolves and aliens in your sci fi are doing, in other words— and who they’re doing it to and why. It depends on what anxieties are present in the text and how the text itself chooses to address them. It depends on the author’s relationship to queer culture and how they relate to cultural norms to begin with, because there won’t be anything like our set of norms in a speculative futuristic world, so the whole question revolves around what is purported to be normal and how the people in that world are meant to relate to that paradigm.

it’s tricky! I don’t have answers, just a whole heap of books written by queer authors who just want to fit in and make money you couldn’t pay me to read.