#a different body- are supposedly so much more different than someone with very different feelings- someone who has aged millions of years

[terranceholdsapencil]

I sometimes think its weird that everyone must have a 'favourite doctor'. I get the appeal, but how its so wide spread baffles me.

Theyre all one person, in the end, with each regeneration being all that came before and more, and a little different due to the experiences they had and the people theyve met, just how I am different from when I was 15 years old, but still the same.

I have a favourite doctor for conveniency reasons, mostly, 12- but even then, whats a 'favourite doctor'. My favourite performance? My favourite to have a fun time with? My favourite to make me aspire to be better? My favourite to laugh, my favourite to cry for? Theyre all different. I love 12 as much as I love 1 or 2 or 3 or 4. Maybe I have incarnations I dont feel as strongly for, but thats usually out of unfamiliarity with all they went through and by such an inability to truly grasp who the doctor was when they wore that face (e.g. my only experience with 8 being the tv movie) or because they amplify parts of the doctor Im less fond of (e.g. six being a little mean).

But in the end, theyre all of it anyway? All of the Doctor is mean, whether its the first doctor or the sixth or the tenth, all doctors are kind, whether its the second or fourth or 12th or 14th, all of the doctor has experienced grief, all of them is strong willed, brave, afraid.

I like the idea of having a 'favourite'. To me its a little like your favourite actors role, I love david tennants hamlet more than I like his alec hardy, but I still love his acting, period.

But this obsession of needing a favourite doctor, of needing to love one part of this beautiful, incredible character more than others, often it feels unfair to who they are. This grand person being reduced to a few years of their endlessly long life. To a single face.

Maybe that's what feels so real about thoschei. Companions tend to get attached to a face. To this one part. To the master the current doctor's body is secondary.

"Doesn't matter which face he was wearing, they're all the Doctor to me."

And they are, in fact, all the Doctor.

[pirateshelly]

One thing that really fascinates me about interview with the vampire (the show) is this sort of tension between power and powerlessness in all of the characters. Because it doesn't present becoming a vampire as something that just gives you power and magically makes you completely detached from all human concerns and struggles.

And that seems to be something Lestat does very much want to believe, and he's in enough of a position of privilege that he's able to convince himself it's true, and it's a fundamental area where he just cannot understand Louis because Louis CAN'T pretend even if he wants to. (And of course Lestat cannot ACTUALLY separate himself from "human troubles" the way he likes to think he can, he just has an easier time pretending than most). Because as much as becoming a vampire grants these characters supernatural power it doesn't just magically take away the very tangible human ways that they were previously vulnerable or powerless.

Becoming a vampire doesn't negate Louis' struggles with racism; in some ways it amplifies them with how he is alienated from his own family and community; his closest connection becomes Lestat. He loses his economic independence and becomes socially dependent on Lestat in a way he wasn't to anyone as a human because in some ways becoming a vampire made him MORE vulnerable, despite granting him physical strength/speed/etc. The promise of freedom in vampirism Lestat presents to Louis (that I do think he does genuinely mean, but "freedom" means very different things to Louis than it does to Lestat) is never fulfilled.

Likewise Claudia learns the hard way with Bruce and later with the coven that she may be a vampire but the world still looks at her and sees a vulnerable young black girl and that will always put her in danger.

Claudia rescues Madeleine then turns her into a vampire, but rather than protect her from future harm the "crime" of turning her becomes the very thing that gets her killed by yet another angry mob.

And 514 years as a vampire will never be enough for Armand to truly trust or believe in his own power. Because the first 200 or so years of his life he was literally never once allowed any agency at all over his own identity or his own body (child slave sold to a brothel, sold to an abusive master, captured and violently indoctrinated into a vampire cult for centuries). No amount of material strength and power is going to undo the psychological effects of that. (And I know some people like to read his frequently passive demeanor as simply manipulation and a way of catching people off guard (because how could someone so old and powerful possibly feel a genuine sense of fear/vulnerability/etc 🙄) but to me that's an incredibly disingenuous reading of him. But that's a different rant for another time!). Being a vampire does not save him from being horrifically abused, nor does it save him from the lasting emotional effects of that abuse.

And I think there's something interesting to be said about the way that, in order to survive safely, they have to feed on the most vulnerable members of society (people undesirable and therefore least likely to arouse suspicion) in order to go unnoticed. If they want to live they have to prey on those vulnerable in possibly the same ways they themselves once were (and in many ways still are).

There's a frequent argument I dislike that we shouldn't be viewing any of these characters through too human of a lense because they're literal monsters (to be honest it's an argument I see most often made when people simply don't want to talk about the show's complex depiction of racism/misogyny/abuse/etc and used to dismiss those as issues "too human" to be relevant to a story about a bunch of monsters with a supposedly alien sense of morality), but I think the show itself makes a huge argument that for these characters there is no escaping or separating themselves from the very human struggles and vulnerabilities that marked them before they ever became vampires. It's like a sort deconstructed power fantasy.

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

be constantly in own world for me (level 2/3 autism) mean like. think pretty much only about self. understand only self. entire world just me n special interest, sometimes/often times not even include own basic needs, like “hair greasy clump body itchy need shower” (unconsciously feel bad sensory, n make very uncomfortable annoyed easily frustrated, but don’t consciously know am feeling extra irritated or that am feel this way because need shower). n world often limited to thing in front of me. n sometimes not even include thing in front of me. see it (as in physically capable of vision) but not see it. n thing, people, any that not put infront of me for while, stop realize they existed in first place.

n be in own world, only think only able know self, mean that, see self as normal, as norm. everyone (this abstract concept of other people that have memorized like you memorize history fact for test), everyone like me. not even “am like everyone,” but that everyone is like me. everyone same ability as me. everyone think like me.

“everyone think like that to extent”

right. to extent. thing is am far greater than that normal “extent”

to point that average day, ask me, n would only able explain that, “think everyone same ability as me, everyone think like me. everyone exist like me.” stay at vague generalization because not able think any deeper not able think of examples. to give example in this situation mean on some level need have ability understand “am think this normal but others may think it abnormal for them”. n. most times not have ability to second part, because in own world theory of mind.

sometimes try force it. try really hard force it. try really hard think, look at other people, try make sense try find what exact different. but can’t force something not have ability. so go back rely on scripting. sometimes advanced scripting n rephrased scripting.

special interest in something social-related let me cheat little bit. appear more capable. like break down complex autism community disability community dynamics. but am videotaping camera. computer analyzing research data. not participant. it thankfully happen, but it only happen because special interest allow it be part of own world, n it only part of own world because can only see these (supposedly very humanly n organic n messy) interactions as flow charts, maps, equations, inanimate objects. closest metaphor may be, with this special interest lens that allow these social dynamics enter own world, am looking at these “people” these social dynamics similar to regular person playing the sims n thinking of sims character made out of code that they control.

rare rare times able suddenly realization of outside world. usually happen in flash. n then end. n then left to chase that feeling trying so hard remember what it felt like so can memorize it like another history fact to memorize for test removed from source removed from emotion, to make self appear know what am talking about know more than am capable of, next time someone ask, “isn’t everyone like this?”

just had flash of that that lead to write this whole thing. but already gone. something about… “those funny ‘gen z fix up work force’ stories. they actually people same age as me?’” something about sudden realize what people my age my life stage expected do usually do. something about think am so normal but actually am missing out “so many” things (what things?).

friend tell me “by be young person who severely disabled you missing out so much on same age activities”. n. inside think, (i am but) “don’t know. …am i?” n for it be genuine question, or disbelief question.

n respond with “haha, yea.”

it not lying. it just script. am don’t know what my script means.

don’t follow up by ask me “so what you think you missing out on?”

don’t know. don’t have that script (a script am don’t know meaning to) yet that make other people think am understand, either.

[please don’t say you “relate” or “feel same” “this me” or similar unless am know who you are.]

[ceilidho]

Bestie, personally, I fucking LOVE the idea of Ghoap x You but Soap & You x Ghost???? God tier, S Tier, pussy breaking shit. But like…slightly toxic?

Soap using Ghost’s attraction to you to get into Ghost’s pants? Soap feeding Ghost not-quite-correct information about how you supposedly feel about Ghost to spend more time with him.

All of this culminating into Ghost and you in a mating press but like. Your head in Soap’s lap while he kisses Ghost above you 🤪

Toxic, attention-whore Soap is my new God

I feel like a lot of people view Soap as very "pretty boy, cocky, not much going on upstairs, just goofy, lovable, and an all around funny boy" but like. not even getting into just how clever and sly and intelligent he really is (in a different way than someone more academic like Gaz or Price), he's absolutely got something wrong with him that we just don't really ever get into.

Cocky, arrogant, attention whore who knows he already has most of Ghost's confidence but then uses his attraction to you (because he sees it as soon as it comes; he makes a habit of studying Ghost and watching his every move, so as stone cold as Ghost usually is, Soap is the first one to notice the signs of him being interested in you, the way his eyes follow you, the way they pull down your body for a beat longer than they should) in his favour.

Soap who tells Ghost that he'll be in the other room, but then on the day of, suddenly he wants to be in the room with you, "just to make sure you're comfortable, kitty," he says, damp palms clutching your shoulders. That look in his eyes again, like there's something he isn't telling you. But he says he'll sit in the armchair on the other side of the room, so Ghost reluctantly loses a bit of the tension that had been building up.

Until he suddenly has to be on the bed with you, stroking your hair back :(( just because he wants to see his pretty girl and check up on her. especially since you're whining and panting so much, having to take a big lug like Ghost. or maybe he thinks you need something to occupy your pretty mouth so you aren't so focused on where Ghost is splitting you in half.

and that's when his energy changes a bit. that's when Soap goes from concerned boyfriend to staring Ghost straight in the eyes, knowing that Ghost has to either look at him or look at his cock in your mouth. and he's not tactful about it. goes on and on about "look how well she takes dick, Si; she's a good girl, huh?" "I taught her that, y'know?"

conversely, he thinks he's being sneaky, but Ghost knows exactly what he's doing. and who's he to brush off a pretty man like Soap when he's vying so hard for Ghost's attention :\\ he'll let him sweat a bit longer, let him get so desperate that he'll let Ghost do whatever he wants with him, but until then, he's got you under him to take off the edge.

[phantazesthai]

Shokra toh ebra: communal collectivism vs individualism

You know, at first, I felt a bit underwhelmed by Taash's story in DATV. But then I realized this underwhelm was because their story is the most realistic of all the companions. Griffons, demons, titans, lichdom - these are all very compelling allegories, sure, but are ultimately not as easy to relate to as Taash's multicultural identity is. Their story is not executed as well as it could be, but it is trying to communicate some fascinating concepts.

For instance, Taash's constant referencing of shokra toh ebra may seem a bit excessive, but of course it is! It's a phrase that haunts Taash, colours their sense of self and influences their behaviour. It serves to highlight how Taash's story is just as much about their understanding of the cultural perspectives they grew up between as much as it is about their gender identity. The two concepts are inextricably linked for Taash.

The Qun has the potential to be such a complex fantasy sociopolitical structure. It's rigidly practical yet oddly poetic in it's religiosity. Each role is connected to the "whole" creature that is society: the priesthood (scholars, Ben-Hassrath, Tamassrans) is its soul, labourers and workers (those who keep society ticking over as artisans, farmers, and so on) are its mind, and the Antaam (soldiers) is its body. The Qun is profoundly communally oriented: under the Qun you sacrifice individuality (a source of chaos) for order (stability and supposedly, equality). The health of the entire creature (society) is the priority - individuals are just drops of blood in its veins.

The constant refrain of shokra toh ebra from both Shathann and Taash, and how differently both characters understand the phrase, is a compelling way to illustrate how this communal ideology can be either beneficial or harmful, depending on a person's cultural upbringing, what they value, and their personality.

Taash translates shokra toh ebra to mean "you must struggle against what you are." Whereas Shathann translates it to mean "through struggle, you find what you are."

For Taash, shokra toh ebra means they're destined to struggle because they are chaotic in a way the Qun dictates must be tamed. They will struggle against themself until they make a black and white choice: man or woman, Qunari or Rivaini. But they fundamentally cannot choose because they are neither and both, they are vashoth ("grey"). When Shathann references this phrase, Taash feels like her acceptance of them is conditional upon them rejecting their greyness in favor of living in denial inside a neatly labelled box... which Taash is brave enough to refuse to do. Taash also grew up in a culture more individualistically minded than the Qun, so their need to define themself as a "unique" person is driven by this. Rivainis are free-spirited, individual freedom of choice is a core value for them. Taash admires this and wants to live "freely," like a Rivaini.

For Shathann, shokra toh ebra means that struggle is how someone accepts who they are: struggling is an essential part of bringing order to chaos. Making peace with one's lot in life is a struggle, but that struggle of acceptance is worthwhile if it helps you find your place within your community. Shathann sees that Taash is struggling to understand themself, and attempts to help by using a cultural moral she likely also used to comfort herself once too, as a refugee in a new, unfamiliar culture where she no longer "fit in." For someone who seems to prefer orderliness, who grew up being taught that everything has a role and a purpose in life, even things that cause pain, this idea that struggle is necessary and beneficial to the "whole," would be comforting to Shathann.

Shathann didn't intend to make Taash feel dismissed by using binary terms like aqun-athlok, or the phrase shokra toh ebra. She was trying to help her child with the ideological tools available to her, it just fell flat because their cultural perspectives are different. Exacerbating their cultural misunderstanding is the fact that they're both strong-willed, stubborn people (like mother like child!) Who aren't good at being vulnerable enough to meet each other halfway. Isn't all that very familiar? How many of us have been in the same position with our own parents and family members? Be it because of generational, cultural or socio-economic differences, we've all had experiences where we found ourselves incapable of reaching understanding with someone in our family.

That being said, however... the Qun is not at all an ideal reflection of real world (non-Western) collectivistic cultures that value community over the individual. And Taash's story ends up being so disappointing because the Qun remains (as it has been throughout the series) a maligned ideology in Veilguard because the player has to push them to "embrace" being either Rivaini or Qunari. The implicit suggestion being that if Taash were to embrace more Qun-aligned (less individualistic) beliefs, that they would be less "free," felt, well, problematic to say the least (especially considering how each game ascribes its qunari characters "animalistic" traits which is... yikes, just, deeply racist.) Positioning one culture as a "healthier" choice for Taash than the other felt simplistic, even a little cruel, and is likely the result of the limited cultural perspective of their writer.

In reality, there isn't a right or wrong cultural mindset to have. Taash is both Qunari and Rivaini! They didn't need to choose. Neither option is necessarily better or worse, they're just different, and are equally flawed in different ways. I get that the choice mechanic is baked into the gameplay element of giving the player input in Taash's narrative, but making Taash choose at all undermines the whole point of them learning to accept their greyness - and aren't we all, in reality, grey? Both in what we believe and in how we act?

While this insistence that the individualism that plagues Western cultures is the more freeing ("superior") ideology is not at all limited to Western media like DATV, the presence of the Qun within the world of Thedas, a fantasy culture that so clearly references the communalism inherent to non-Western cultures, makes this bias much more egregious. The Qun offers an allegorical opportunity to uplift a different, chronically vilified cultural perspective: a chance to underscore how both individualistic and communal viewpoints can coexist. But they squandered this chance with Taash. Which is such a shame because their story is so human at its core.

[shinewerst]

Here I will leave some of my thoughts, guesses and headcanons. Some of them may be stupid and unreasonable, but I will share them with you anyway.

I've noticed that a lot of people headcanon Earth and Moon or Earth and Venus as siblings. And I partially agree with this. But here are my thoughts on this matter: They are celestial bodies and they do not have siblings in the usual sense, but since they live for a very long time, over billions of years of being close to each other, they can develop family feelings for each other. But only if they are always close. Therefore, most often this occurs between a planet and its moons or between several moons of one planet. This is unlikely to happen between planets, since each of them is in its own orbit, perhaps double planets are an exception. Therefore, I headcanon the Moon and Earth as brothers, Phobos and Deimos too, and Mars as their guardian. (Earth and Venus may be somehow connected, but not family) It's more difficult with gas giants. I believe that when their moons are too numerous and constantly increasing in number, they stop keeping track of them and treat them more like decorations. But Idk.

In the Solar System, having life is supposedly cool and the Earth is proud of it, Venus dreams of it, etc. but it seems to me that in other systems the attitude towards this may be different. For example, I have an oc exoplanet and in her home system this was not considered something cool. They literally treated it like lice lol.

Planets/stars/satellites do not speak any of the earth’s languages, but their own. But different systems have something like their own accents and dialects. So my oc speaks a little differently from them.

In different parts of the universe, the appearance of the planets changes and what the planets will look like usually depends on the star (I'm talking specifically about planethumans).

For the planet/star and satellites, love is something deeper than for earthlings. This is very strong, sensual.

I also noticed how in many fanfictions characters call Proto-Earth that way. But it seems to me that the term “Proto-Earth” itself appeared after his death, namely the collision with Theia and the appearance of the “new Earth”. Before that, everyone simply called him Earth.

Each of them has its own axis tilt, right? They don't really follow it, especially in the planethumans format, so I made a headcanon about them sleeping on their slants. So, Venus sleeps upside down, huh?

The Earth speaks all earthly languages and knows the stages of evolution of almost every creature on his surface, although sometimes he himself may be confused about this. His past memories are slowly fading. He does not remember how he and the Moon appeared, he does not remember that there could have been life on Venus before. I imagine him periodically reading a book about dinosaurs because he doesn't want to forget about them.

I like to think that Mars used to be a bad-tempered asshole, but Earth doesn't remember that. Mars himself does not want to remember this at all, since he has already grown out of it.

Probably the Earth became the way we see him because of humans. Perhaps he was different before. I imagine him as a sweet and kind planet who does his best to care for his friends and his little brother. But when he changed, Luna continued to love him like a brother and care for him in return.

Earth usually tells others only the good side of earthlings, but usually he complains to the Moon about how much he is hurt, about how they are starting another war and doing other terrible things. Therefore, the Moon is much more tolerant of the Earth; he must be the only one who knows how hard it is for him.

Venus is jealous of the Earth and everyone has already understood this. I like to think that Venus, after losing life on its surface, feels the need to protect Earth and its inhabitants.

Luna is aroace. Just because for some reason it seems to me that dating someone just doesn’t suit him.

That's all for now. Maybe I'll create a second part cause I might have forgotten something :p

[kandadze]

Ep 29 loose thoughts

Oof, Li Lun's really on his last legs, eh? I do feel sorry for him, but I feel even worse for Bai Jiu - locked up inside his own body, poisoned, forced to ingest human livers, coughing up blood and dying. Can this kid get a break, please.

It's funny to me how ZYC might have figured out ZYZ's ruse because of his top-tier observation skills... or it might have been because he pays *that* much attention to the demon. I guess we'll never know 😅

It's heartbreaking in a way how well ZYZ knows LL, still, after all, and trusts him not to hurt Ying Lei, trusts LL to honor an emotional debt. Also, interesting how even while pointing a sword to ZYZ's throat, ZYC trusts him not to go to certain lengths for his goals... I keep saying this, but- the bonds in this drama! 😭

Is this really the time to walk away without saying anything, ZYZ? (I know, I know. It's so that they can break our hearts more thoroughly real soon.)

Oh okay. So even Wen Xiao doesn't know what exactly is wrong with her - don't you think that's kind of vital info you should've shared, Bai Yan daren? Ngl, I guffawed when ZYZ said, "I searched Wen Xiao's body etc," not sure if it's the translation that's lacking or what, but I'm pretty sure we all had the same thought about how thorough that search was 😝 On a more serious note though, is poison always the most powerful weapon of destruction in cdramas? Like ZYZ has the power to heal stab wounds and vein cuts that would otherwise be lethal, but he can't do shit about poison?

Thanks for explaining why she wasn't there when the gang came back with the scale, I thought it was so weird for Bai Yan to just leave like that when she was supposedly the one to tell them how it works. (Still not sure why it had to be her and not Ying Long or even the princess Longyu herself, but oh well.)

Yes, that's why ZYZ stole the scale. The never ending variations on the trolley problem in this drama (I think I saw someone mention it re the Bingyi cave and then it happened again in ep 28, and now it's happening again)!

"It's hard." And? That doesn't mean it's impossible, right? Bai Yan, *please* speak plainly and in full sentences, because instead of raising tension you're raising my blood pressure.

Ah, of course she would withhold that info if it meant saving her son. ZYC, going straight for jugular lol (gotta love the man, for him restoring the sword means not only getting Bai Jiu back but also saving his own life, and he still would choose not to go through with it if it meant losing ZYZ or, as he just found out, WX.) As a mother, she might have thought of letting her son know who she was when she still had a chance; she might have thought of a contigency plan in case something happened to her. They might have not been in this particular mess now, had *someone* made sure the kid didn't have to resort to making wild guesses, ultimately leading him to be lied to and exploited.

Wow, yeah, okay. I officially dislike both of Bai Jiu's parents now. Also, Bai Yan's words once again reinforce the difference between humans and demons/gods and how they think about time and bonds. ZYC might be a demon now, so technically his lifespan is way longer than human's, and still he might not live long enough to see the next incarnation of the Baize goddess; and even if he could, at this point his concern is the *current* incarnation, thank you very much, whereas BY's looking at the situation from a much wider perspective. Because of course both worlds will be involved. And I'm still with ZYC on this. (Unrelated, but I love Bai Yan's voice. It's not often we get to hear that low of a voice from a woman, and especially not in cdramas, as far as I can tell.)

Oh, fuck off. The fatalism rubs me the wrong way always, and coming from such a supposedly powerful being it's even more grating. (Not for the first time while watching this drama I get a flashback to reading Clamp's "X-1999," the set-up and tone is eerily similar.)

Well I guess I got my wish. Li Lun, you sad little demon possessing a dying child's body, I feel for you and your longing. The white petals around them (white, for death and mourning), oh my heart. The fact that they kept switching the actors throughout his reflections made it even more painful. And then he goes and (indirectly) quotes ZYC, the bit about the lamp kept on for travellers... while Ying Lei can only listen and cry. Oof. Can't help but notice that he still focuses mostly on his own suffering, though... I guess it's fair, for all intents and purposes he still has a mentality of a hurt teenager.

The whiplash I got when he switched to, "if I die, I have to find someone to die with," ouch 🤣 Once a drama queen, always a drama queen, right, LL? Gotta find yourself the grandest stage for your final exit... am I ready to see that? (I adore his character song, btw, even though when I first heard it, it gave me a completely different image of what his character's going to be. Hmm.)

Again, fuck right off, Bai Yan. I kinda wish they showed us more of WX in that scene, but hey, I'll take ZYC's memories, too (probably the first time with a time stamp!). "You must live well." It's like a refrain at this point that they seem to cling to, the worse the circumstances get. And the care between them, I'll never be over the bonds we're being shown in this drama.

I relate to WX so much. Like I get the idea that some things are worth dying for and no one in the gang would hesitate to put their lives on the line. And still, WX wants to live. Staying alive is just as, if not more, difficult as dying. Staying alive while others leave is difficult. Only when you stay alive can you really change the narrative. (Also, can we please *stop* sitting on that goddamn bridge. Why are you even there when ZYC was clearly shown back at the Mount Kunlun? Come to think of it, I just realized that they seem to have completely forgotten about Ying Lei??? And where did PSJ go?)

"How is wanting to live not the right choice?" Funny, coming from you of all people, ZYZ. Will you make the right choice for yourself, then? Thank you, WX. Make him sit on that for a bit... Ngl, I cheered when she tore up that goddamned contract. I don't care if they get to kiss now or no, but I care that he won't have to experience a mild heart attack every time he focuses on his affection towards her. (Because I've never seen him look at her as you would a colleague, so technically his heart should've been acting up nonstop, unless the emphasis was on conscious intent on his part. I'd have to rewatch that ep to see if they actually mention the exact wording.)

Awww look at her boys going "I'll find a way" at the same time! I just hope I'm not gonna cry when their way turns out to be yet another self-sacrificial mission. Interesting, there's a bottle of wine and two cups sitting by ZYC, even though he seems to have been sitting there by himself for quite a while... is it going to be one of those tiny details that become relevant later? (I love how this drama makes me pay attention!)

Oh dear gods, I really hope this isn't what I think it is. ZYC!!!

GODDAMNIT IT IS, HE WENT TO SEE WZY BY HIMSELF, FUCKKKKKK

At this point in the story my sincere wish is that, if nothing else, we *will* get to see WZY dying a slow and horrible death. If *he* survives, I'm throwing this whole drama in the garbage. (Also, somehow I'm not in the slightest concerned about what ZYC's choice might be. I trust him this much.)

Lol the moment Bai Yan mentioned that the fire of the mortal world is not enough to forge ZYC's sword I totally went, "it has to be taken to the Mount Dooooooom!" 🤣

Huh, okay, I didn't expect the ever-burning wood to be necessary for this. That's how we know that we're close to the final boss battle, folks, the quests are getting more and more complex.

"Take it"??? Wait, is it that easy? Oh no, of course not. How did it *not* burn him up after all this time though, was it just chilling in his body without actually doing anything? Other than accidentally hurting LL with it, I don't think we've ever seen ZYZ use it in any way, either 🤔 Okay, so he needs the creation stone as well, okay-

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

That's the live reaction of yours truly at *that* visual of golden light blasting from ZYC's sword as he grasps it. Holyyyyyy shit, Guo Jingming, Silmarillion adaptation when????

Oh gods, their hands on that stone. Like in ZYZ's vision. I'm scared again. The image of ZYC morphing into LL and then back again!!! If you want ZYC to promise that he'd protect the Wilderness with you, then *you* better promise not to die, ZYZ! Also, could they be any more queer coded at this point? (Aww, WX, I want to give her a hug so badly. Where the hell is PSJ when you need her???)

I take that back, they can and currently are even more queer coded. ZYZ's face when ZYC prepares his drink for him with yet another jade pendant!!! This whole scene, starting with one of my favorite songs from the OST playing in the background, the soft focus, warm lights, close-ups of their faces, the way they gaze at each other... so beautiful. Of course there had to be some theatrics (ZYZ) and fond exasperation (ZYC) involved, too, that's just how they roll, and I'm eating it alllll up.

Did they *have* to go and draw the parallel to last drink and meal though? 😭 also, also, ZYC doing his best to emphasise that their "blood feud" is in the past! In how many ways does he have to tell you that he wants you to live before you get it, ZYZ?

I also remembered their conversation in ep 15, when ZYC asked how ZYZ could live with contradictions, and boy, is ZYC a walking paradox himself. His feelings seem so tangled and complex, but at the same time he's so clear eyed about them, and able to express them, even while saying that they're ineffable. And ZYZ's response! His face! ::head in hands::

The toasts broke me a bit. The way ZYZ hesitated for the longest time before downing his cup for the first toast. The goddamn *poetry* in ZYC's words, the goddamn eye contact throughout, the goddamn tension, HMH's goddamn face!  So good! 😭

!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay you know what? I think I'm getting better at this. There *was* the slight pause before the camera cut to WX and then back to our soulmates (they said it more than once now, I feel justified in using the word for them 😁), I'm gonna wait and see first!

Aw but they're both just so stunning with their hair flying around them lke that. I could watch them forever.

Loved the slow-mo before ZYZ collapsed. Poor WX! That quick shot of her wiping the blood off of ZYZ's chin was so satisfying somehow...

Ahhh I was right, they were in agreement and trying something dangerous together, not against each other! Yay for removing that godawful thing from his inner core, but now what? Are they gonna give it to WZY in exchange for the antidote? Do they actually believe that after all he's done he will play nice??? I love WX, scolding them both like a pair of unruly children 😂

Okay this is getting a little too convenient that they can get eavesdropped on so easily. And not to repeat myself, but where the hell are Ying Lei and PSJ?

I certainly didn't expect to get my wish so quickly lol I guess now we're really down to business when it comes to death countdowns... What did I just say? There is no goddamn antidote! What the fuck did WZY use to create that poison in the first place? The only solution is for someone to use their demonic power to absorb the poison into their own body??? Don't tell me that that's how ZYZ is gonna cure WX. And then ZYC will kill him so that he doesn't suffer. Looking at ZYC, he's about ready to sacrifice himself, though... ::incoherent pterodactyl screeching::

I keep repeating myself, but how is this kid 12. And finally the missing members of the squad reappear! (Just to get the front row, of course.) Oh, oh no. Even though I kinda knew that Ao Yin was going to do this... (I wonder if the poison worked way faster on her because she's a lesser demon?) I can't believe they made me cry over the human livers dealer!

I feel like I said it after every episode so far, but what an episode. I also find it more and more difficult to watch without being tempted to read other folks' commentary first, since I'm so anxious about what's going to happen next; so on one hand, I'd want to be prepared for the worst (so I should spoil myself), on the other though, I want to see what happens with my own eyes first... ah, decisions, decisions.

[this-is-exorsexism]

Hey, since I saw you speak German (making that assumption based on the fact that you mentioned a exorsexist comment being German in a post. Sorry if that’s a wrong assumption) I really want to talk about instances of exorsexism that I see so often in the feminist German speaking circles and that I’m so so tired off.

The terms “female read” and “male read” to refer to people, both when talking about, you know, just everyday things they saw ex. “I like seeing female read people sporting body hair” (just say you like people who don’t shave their body hair. Cause it’s not just the demographic of people that society pushes to present as “women” that are pressured into body hair removal.) and in context of feminist discussions “Cat calling affects female read individuals more than male read people. And male read people are more often the perpetrator of cat calling”. (This one irkes me so so much, because it’s a sweeping generalisation in general, which is just not okay.)

Another example that also falls into every day things and is even more removed from any “political” statement: “I saw a female read person that reminded me of my mother.” (This quote came from a nonbinary person which made the unnecessary gendering feel even more uncomfortable. There was no forceful gendering of the person necessary. It could have just been “I saw a person that reminded me of my mother” the assumption that it must have been a woman already is a possibility by the association with mother. And you sadly can’t get rid of it. There is no necessity to state it like that.)

One last longer example that is partly feminism related again (that is a near direct translation): “A lot of women and female read people know the feeling of standing in front of the mirror and asking wether or not they want to wear this or if it’s too revealing. Because choice of clothing alone can suggest you want to provoke men.[…] Even if a female read person wears tight clothing, because [she/they] feel sexy in it, is that no reason to insult [her/them] as a slut.” (The “she” could have also been meant in a “they” sense, because this is a translation situation where it isn’t 100% clear. That’s why I wrote it like that.) (This quote is again making assumptions and putting experiences on people and forcefully gendering people who experience these feelings. When these experiences actually can’t be categorised like that. Like even perisex cis men can experience this. It is also very telling here that only the “female read” wording was used when making social commentary, not the “male read”, when men where mentioned.)

(These statements are not always necessarily word for word quotes. They are partly just things I remember seeing in the past. Each example is from a different person.)

The description “female read”/“male read” as you likely know is typically said to be used to “to be more inclusive. Since we don’t know how someone actually identifies and we shouldn’t assume”. Which to me is just very much a “I’m gonna categorise you into man or woman on sight, just as anyone else, but I’ll say ‘male read’/‘female read’ to make it inclusive and not feel bad in case I’m actually misgendering you.”.

The fact that people think it’s more inclusive and isn’t just basically another way to categories man and woman, while claiming to be inclusive, drives me up the wall if I think about it for to long. The idea to be categorised as “female read” is honestly more dysphoria inducing than simply being assumed to be a woman, because it feels even more like failing at being uncategorisable, because the people supposedly not clinging onto the binary are categorising me as something I’m not. And as I hinted at, at the beginning, these two categories virtually ignore any possibility of seeing people who your brain can’t sort into the man/woman categories immediately, and pushes them into one or the other. Which also can ultimately lead to erasure of intersex individuals who could be sorted differently than both their sex and gender. (I hope my wording here is okay and it’s clear what I mean. If not. Please let me know.) The categories of “female read”/“male read” to me are ultimately cissexist, exorsexist and intersexist. This whole concept is just forceful gendering of people wrapped up in a pretty package that says “feminism”.

A big personal pet peeve of mine is people praising people who categorise like that. I’ve recently seen it done by a cis woman, intersectional feminist, who was praising a speaker for using the terms.

There is also the not uncommon occurrence where it’s just not even hidden anymore that “female read” or “male read” is just put in instead of woman or man or used interchangeably.

I just truly deeply dislike how these terms have become a very common thing in feminist circles, even between trans*(= very much meaning nonbinary here as well, hence the trans*) educators, feminists and influencers. It feels like such a gut punch to see even them reinforcing the gender binary in such ways.

(If you disagree with this being exorsexism I’d be very curious as to how. Because to me personally it is a very clear example of exorsexism that I’ve been wishing to talk about since I first encountered it. Also sorry if this is worded a bit confusingly at times. I tried my best.)

this is definitely exorsexism.

i know exactly what you're talking about and i have spoken about the misuse of these terms at length on my personal social media too.

to be honest, i was about to defend ~some~ uses of these terms, but after reading everything you said, i think these terms need to be retired.

i think at least half the time people use "female-read" and "male-read" to just mean women and men, because i don't know, maybe they think nonbinary people think that men and women exist is somehow offensive? a woman is a woman and you can and should just call her a woman, a man is a man and you can and should just call him a man. calling a woman "female-read" is entirely unnecessary and quite disrespectful too, in my opinion. it basically strips her of her identity as a woman and reduces her to how society sees her. the same is true for men.

"male-read people are often the perpetrators of catcalling" is also an interesting one because it proves that "male-read" and "female-read" are just stand-ins for the gender binary and gender oppositionism: "male-read" people have (perisex cisgender) male privilege and the entitlement and attitudes that come with it. they can never be victims of patriarchal violence, only perpetrators. "female-read" people are always more marginalised than "male-read" people. if you want to talk about people who are most likely to catcall, you must talk about perisex cisgender men.

as you've said, this doesn't take into account transgender, nonbinary and intersex people as it doesn't only sort us into a new male-female gender binary but also into a binary of "perpetrator of the patriarchy" and "victim of the patriarchy" in very oversimplified ways. in its attempt at inclusivity, this language completely obscures the experiences of people whom society sees as men or women but aren't. being seen as male when you're nonbinary or female, being seen as female when you're nonbinary or male, i.e. having your gender assumed incorrectly can actually be really dangerous. it also once again reduces us to how society sees us and acts as if our actual genders don't contribute to our experience.

one of the strangest ways people use this language is when they say something like "i saw a male-read person at the shop today". like, what do you mean? you read this person as male. you projected your binary thinking onto this person. using passive voice for this is just a way to try to remove your responsibility in participating in this system of gender assumption. at this point, you might just say that you saw a man at the shop. in this context, they mean the exact same thing.

these terms also don't take into account that there are different ways of being perceived as male or female. some people are perceived as transgender male rather than cisgender male, which are two very different experiences. being seen as transgender female rather than cisgender female is also very much not the same.

people also ignore that a lot the people they're trying to be inclusive of by using this language aren't actually consistently read as either binary gender or are read as something else entirely. "male-read" and "female-read" are pretty much used to be permanent life-long states of being perceived, with the exception of people transitioning and then going from one to the other and will be read as that and only that for the rest of their life. in reality, this looks very different. some of us are called he one day and she another. sometimes it depends on our gender presentation. sometimes it depends on the person perceiving us. for many of us, we actually have no idea how someone's perceiving our gender until they indicate this. also, many of us aren't read as either male or female. a lot of us are just read as "what the fuck are you" or [insert slur here]. none of these experiences can be mapped onto the idea of male-read and female-read.

not to mention how they keep using these terms to refer to body parts. "female-read" is too often just code for "has boobs". it's especially funny when they use this language for internal organs. like, sure, the catcaller on the street totally perceives someone's uterus.

"male-read" and "female-read" are what "women and femmes" or the transmasc/transfem binary will become if we don't stop it. they can always be replaced with other more precise terms that don't reinforce exorsexism, cissexism, intersexism and gender oppositionism.

[senka-mesecine]

Not to be terribly dark or nsfw for work here, but could you please write headcanons for cuddling with the platoon boys?

---

― Even though he hangs out with Elias' squad who are generally an affectionate bunch (far more so than Barnes's side of the platoon, that's for sure), thing is, I don't think cuddling comes that easily to Chris who possibly still has a bit of a suburban, classically midcentury notion on physicality and propriety that's pretty deeply ingrained in him, regardless how much he unlearned. Sure, a casual hug, pat on the back, squeeze of shoulders between compatriots, but actually laying down and holding someone really close? Not that he sees anything wrong with it, mind you, but in a really weird sense, ironically, Taylor might be most similar to Barnes than anyone else. Not that he knows it. Not that he'd ever admit to it. Heck, he'd probably get impassioned arguing against such an accusation. It's just that he's either awkwardly rigid and somewhat flustered, needing to be led into affection rather than outright giving it or he expects the other party to initiate it and for him to be the receiver after that initial hurdle is already crossed by you. Not that he doesn't like it. Might say he doesn't at first. In fact, he might very possessive of the notion of your touch as time moves on. It's just that first step? It's always hard to cross.

― O'Neill probably has a whole rambling ass theory in place how cuddling ain't for self respecting men and that it's something he's willing to do if nagged and nagged enough (Supposedly begrudgingly, emphasis on the 'supposedly' and only as a favor for you if you're tremendously insistent about it?) rather than it ever being done to him, except, behind closed doors, his head might be in your lap within two minutes flat and everything he's publicly said turns out to be entirely bogus and for show. It's all a typically O'Neill stunt for the masses, baby. See, there's a lot of empty, hot air around the things Red says and does most often, and if he plays this irritating, overly macho role, what happens privately might be entirely different. Truth is, man actually loves cuddles and he indulges in them like a whiny puppy might. It's genuinely therapeutic for him. He could be there nervously moping and complaining about something as he run your fingers through his hair while he rests his head on your knees and chainsmokes like someone who's life depends on it. It is legitimately (secretly) one of his favorite activities.

― Bunny's a demonic cuddlemonster, truly living up to his nickname. Except, he doesn't want it ever acknowledged that he is, you see. Officially, in the most derogatory sense he deems it as 'pussy shit' activity pretty vocally, but it's pussy shit activity he actually loves and thrives off of like someone absolutely addicted, going as far as preferring to be the one being cuddled, in fact. Being the little spoon. Being the one nuzzling over to you. Being the one held. Being the one with his head on your chest. Being the one who enjoys head pats and his hair being caressed. He's clingy. He's smothering. He's possessive. He's needy. He grasps and holds you back awfully tight, to the point of the contact tending to be painful and he could do this all day, yes and often times said excessive cuddling could be a prelude to sex or getting off, but even if it doesn't always lead to that (which is...rare) for someone talking as much smack about cuddling as Bunny might one could say he loves the whole notion more than anyone in his platoon.

― Rhah adores cuddling and he isn't afraid to be vehemently upfront about it to the degree he'd be transparent and even proud regarding the subject in front of the other boys too, being convinced that any self respecting man should wanna feel up his partner, touch them, squeeze them, please them and explore the contours of their body well and often --- a belief he holds to like it's religion; in fact, just how descriptive he gets with why he's very much for the gesture itself could get so accidentally erotic and sensual one might just feel they're interrupting something merely listening to Vermucci talk about it. Sounds a little like foreplay when he describes it. He might even start demonstrating how he does it by drawing out the contours of a body in thin air with his hands so everyone would get the general notion where someone likes being touched the most, being both passionate and almost seethingly aggressive at times as he does it and in practice, he's just as ardent in with cuddles as he is when he's merely chatting about it. Fact stands, man's a bear cuddler who smothers in love.

― Much like Rhah himself, King just doesn't understand people who don't wanna cuddle their significant other literally all day long and with relish and for all the world to see; he thinks there's basically something wrong with individuals like that. Like they're missing a couple of screws or something, denying themselves some of the profoundly most unspoiled joys of life on purpose, purely to show off to someone somewhere. But, who's gonna be impressed? That's right. No one! He doesn't subscribe to that repressive crap, as he calls it. He subscribes to loving and being loved, meaning that he wants everyone to know how much he likes physical affection, he wants everyone to see and shoot, if he they can envy him some for it too while he has the back of his gleeful, overly pleased head pressed up against your chest like a soft pillow to lean on, he wouldn't at all mind that either. Not his fault he knows how to live life good and if they took a lesson out of his book, they might just live life good too, is what he thinks.

― Wolfe might be so surprised by the prospect of cuddling he initially wouldn't know what to do or think about it, part of him wanting to immediately melt into it through instinct alone ---- the affection so new and unexpected it's almost something else entirely all while another part of him is there wanting to put up a masculine front so, as he'd hope, you'd be even more impressed with him and he'd come off like a serious figurative of authority who doesn't exactly need this but still concedes for your sake (truly considerate) so as a result he might just sit there, awkwardly smiling, repressing himself deliberately, acting the man, rigidly in place while you hold unto him. The truth is, he could jump out of his skin with affirmation and joy but he's playing a bit hard to get and it's killing him in actuality on the inside but he'd rather gnaw off his own foot than show it. Thing is, Mark could be so touch and attention starved it's hard to cope with all of it. If he actually acted how he truly wanted to act without any of the masks and nonsense he'd be a dufus who'd barely keep himself from smiling as he goes in for a hug. Can't have that.

― Lazy hammock lounging, sleeping in his arms, holding him or being held by him, playing with each other's hair, getting high together and dozing off in each other's embrace, tangled feet hanging off the edge of the bed or the sofa, pillowtalking for hours and hours or perhaps just looking at each other as you hug, Elias is the king of snuggling and nestling down as a concept and he's so free and generous with it he might just do it platonically as well as romantically, what's meaning to say one doesn't necessarily have to be with him to lay up in his arms --- he's shockingly giving like that. No prejudice in sight. If it feels good mutually then it feels good, so why deny the sensation of it? For all his nimbleness and how energized and active he is on field, in action, Elias could just as easily be as lazy as a sloth when he's in the right mindset and mood, not moving out of a state of cuddling with you for a full day, if need be, eating in your arms, snacking in your arms, smoking in your arms, being fed by you or feeding you, sleeping there and only getting up if absolutely necessary. Cuddling is less so something Elias merely does, as a result --- it's more like a lifestyle to him.

― Barnes doesn't cuddle, but he tactically leaves the terrain open for you to do it to him because he actually likes it deep down, he just makes no note of ever actually saying it because he doesn't think that's a thing that should ever be said, as rigid and stern as he generally is --- he doesn't want to 'depend' on something. Doesn't want to 'need' anything --- especially not a sensation that can be taken away afterwards, rendering him weak as a result; his presence is just there and if he's standing still and the setting is mellow enough to warrant physical closeness it stands to reason he's giving you a quiet signal to do it if you want to do it. But, thing is, in order to recognize said signals you have to know him exceedingly well first and foremost. Him, his body language, his eyes, what his eyes are trying to tell you, his expressions, the most unassuming gestures, which is to be expected for all he's concerned --- he wouldn't want anyone he who he doesn't know or who doesn't know him getting so personal with him anyway. That gateway is open. You're given leave. You just gotta walk through it. Barnes quietly allowing you to be that intimate is almost an unprecedented sign of trust.

[zevraholics]

ZevWarden Week 2023

What is it? A week (this year, November 5th - 11th) of creating new content, sharing it, and celebrating the wonderful relationship between Zevran Arainai and Grey Warden(s) of your choice. How to participate: Feel free to follow the daily prompts as inspiration for whatever ZevWarden-related content your heart desires. Fics, art, meta discussions - everything goes! Remember to tag your works appropriately (ie. #nsfw. Also see our full tag list here.) Most of all, have fun!

Prompts:

Sunday, November 5: Tradition and Trying New Things

Monday, November 6: Secrets, Kept and Told

Tuesday, November 7: Fear and Safety

Wednesday, November 8: Work and Pleasure

Thursday, November 9: Bodies and Minds

Friday, November 10: Favourite Things and Pet Peeves

Saturday, November 11: Family, Lost and Found

Tag your content with #zevwarden week 2023 or @zevraholics on your post and we’ll reblog it here.

*Any art found to be whitewashing Zevran will not be shared.

Day 1 - Sunday, November 5 - Tradition and Trying New Things

"It's Antivan tradition to throw coins in such a well as this. Supposedly it brings one luck." Which traditions (cultural, familial, personal) do Zevran and the Warden have in common, and which are different? Are there any that are unfamiliar at first, but one of them shares with the other? What are ways the two of them break with the past, forge their own paths, or maybe even create new traditions?

Day 2 - Monday, November 6 - Secrets, Kept and Told

Morrigan, "Are [the Crows] so powerful simply because they are very good at what they do? Or is there some secret to their power?" Zevran, "If there were a secret, it would only remain so if it were not told, my dear." What secrets do Zevran and the Warden keep from other people? From each other? Are there any consequences of keeping secrets, positive or negative? What truths eventually reach the light of day, and how does that reveal come about?

Day 3 - Tuesday, November 7 - Fear and Safety

"You mean you want to hear about the grueling training? Being locked in an oubliette for weeks at a time? The slavery? The festering injuries? Or are we seeking something more glamorous?" / "Oh, those things never happened to me." There are stand-out moments of fear in the life of any Grey Warden or an Antivan Crow. Share a time one or both of them were terrified. Did they face fear bravely, or did it get the better of them? What was the impact of that moment? Or, share a story about a time the two of them found safety, comfort, or calm. How did that feeling come about? Was it short-lived or long lasting?

Day 4 - Wednesday, November 8 - Work and Pleasure

"Falling down a flight of stairs is an adventure. Falling into someone's bed? Also an adventure. I am assuming what you're looking for are professional anecdotes." How much adventuring do Zevran and the Warden get up to after Origins, either together or on their own? What jobs or titles do they come to have, what anecdotes do they have to tell? Or do they settle down for a quiet life somewhere—either restlessly or happily?

Day 5 - Thursday, November 9 - Bodies and Minds

Alistair, "So those... designs you have all over your back..." Zevran, "They're called tattoos. And I have them in many more places than just on my back, my friend." What stories do Zevran and the Wardens' bodies tell? How have their bodies changed over time? How do they carry themselves, or use gestures or mannerisms? What about a time when they ran, swam, fought, or enjoyed other physical movement? Or focus your work on a part of the body - eyes, hands, hair, scars.

Day 6 - Friday, November 10 - Favorite Things and Pet Peeves

"I fancy many things. I fancy things that are beautiful and things that are strong. I fancy things that are dangerous and exciting.Would you be offended if I said I fancied you?" What are Zevran and the Warden's favorite things about each other? How did they discover those favorite things—slowly over time, or in one particular moment? What things get on their nerves about the other person? Is this something they make an effort to change, or does their partner just have to learn to live with it?

Day 7 - Saturday, November 11 - Family, Lost and Found

"Surely your life has not been so idyllic? People like you and I are not the product of happy lives of contentment, after all." Maybe the Warden resonates with that particular line from Zevran, maybe they don't. What does being part of a family mean to the Warden and Zevran? Does the answer change across different points in their lives? If they regard each other as part of a family, is there anyone else involved in their family? (Friends, other lovers, biological or adopted children, elders?)

[rainbow-femme]

I am absolutely loving the SJM posts! I have never been able to get into her books despite trying every series (I have Crescent City currently checked out from the library). Her characters are just.... Such shit people and I can't care about them 😭

My personal feeling about SJM is she’s good at writing dark sexy wish fulfillment, but she also wants to write regular fantasy adventure, so you get things like 365 Days but in a setting where there are real world morals and we’re told the main characters are genuinely very good people

Like the set up of Feyre and Rhysand with the Hewn City. You’re married to the hottest and most powerful high lord and also you’re hot and powerful and he rules over a court of monsters and you now rule over those monsters too? Sexy. It’s then established that a main character grew up there and actually it’s not all monsters and there are innocent people living under terrible conditions and the main characters react by going “Eat shit and die, fuckers 😜” when the people want to leave and also make it so even if those people get out the one safe city by law has to refuse them service? Suddenly much less sexy.

Hot foreplay in a fantasy library? Sexy. Establishing that everyone who works there suffered sexual assault and then having that hot foreplay near them? Less sexy.

Becoming super bad ass and powerful and taking down your ex? Sexy. Establishing that said take down resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent people and the entire time said ex was actually working under cover in a way that ended up saving countless lives by helping the war? Less sexy.

I feel like you can have dark fantasy and dark fantasy morals, and you can have main characters that do bad things, but when you include those things but then constantly be like “look how great and wonderful they are!” Then it’s like ok well now I’m just annoyed

If they did the same stuff but there wasn’t a constant attempt to tell us they’re all actually pure moral softboys and the books just were like “yup they’re assholes!” then I would have fun because I love stories about assholes who fight other assholes and they all suck. The Maltese Falcon is one of my favorite movies for that reasons, every character is the fucking worst and sometimes they work together and sometimes against each other and they all have different backgrounds and skills and that’s fun!

Or even just an Oceans 11 take where it’s like are they criminals/assholes? Yes. Are they doing this for selfish gain? Yes. Are they doing this for petty revenge? Yes. Are they very charismatic and fun to watch? Also yes, which is why people love it and love the characters

I also am someone who loves world building and hers has a lot of cool ideas but she paints herself into corners constantly because of the need to have both sexy wish fulfillment and engaging plots outside of the sexiness

Again it’s sexy to make all your main characters the most powerful people in the history of ever, but then there’s no tension if they can just easily solve every problem, so these supposedly super powerful people get their shit absolutely wrecked constantly because they’re only powerful when it’s not plot relevant

“Azriel and Cassian have way more power gemstones than any other Illyrian, meaning they’re so much more powerful than even the most powerful warriors” Ok cool so why do they get bodied every time they’re in a fight

It falls under the same umbrella as the House of Night books where you have a great world set up and then it’s full of powerful asshole main characters who the book tells you every two pages are the best people ever. Although SJM is miles better than P.C. Cast and ACOTAR is miles better than House of Night

[ddrqoyote]

Naruto Eight Gates Headcanon

i was wondering what each of the Eight Gates in naruto actually do, because we know a couple of them have different effects but for most of them it's never clear what they do besides "the last one but more". so i made a headcanon. this is basically the overly in-depth explanation i expected to find in one of the many fanmade naruto ttrpgs this week and didn't. so here you go.

The Gate of Opening. This gate removes the brain's safety limiters on the muscles, enhancing usable strength. The potential side effect is full-body muscle strain.

The Gate of Healing. This gate turns off the ability to feel exhaustion. The potential side effect is a hard crash when the gate is closed and the user feels all the extra exhaustion they accumulated. In extreme cases a user who doesn't know their limits can work themselves to death. (a) This is the highest level that can be used with no side effects. Someone very aware of their body could control their movements to avoid muscle strain and pace themselves to avoid exhaustion. Above this level there are side effects just from activating the technique.

The Gate of Life. Normally, the heart can't pump blood efficiently past a certain heart rate. The Gate of Life significantly increases that maximum rate and lets the user maintain it for longer, increasing how hard they can work. The resulting high blood pressure turns the skin red and will make wounds bleed faster than normal, and can cause a host of cardiovascular problems if used too long. Taijutsu masters are extremely fit people, so they can stand the pressure more easily than most, but it is still dangerous even for them.

The Gate of Pain. The First Gate supposedly lets the user use all their muscle strength, but really the pain would probably stop them before significant tearing happened. The Gate of Pain dulls muscle pain, granting them a full five times regular strength at the cost of more severe tears with longer recovery time. Since the Third Gate is also active, it's really more than five times regular strength.

The Gate of Limit. The first four gates have pushed the muscles to their absolute limits. The last four go beyond them. This gate lets the muscles cannibalize fat and protein stores from the rest of the body to enhance their strength, and because this is a chakra technique it happens far faster than would normally be possible. The mechanism is similar to the Akimichi Clan's Calorie Control, though whether the Akimichis got the idea from the Gates is unknown. This gate increases muscle strength beyond what the bones can handle. The First and Fourth Gates have this problem to a point, but damage is much more likely here. If the user has insufficient chakra to fortify their bones, as Rock Lee did, throwing a punch or kick will break them on impact, and even other movements can damage connected bones, which is how he got bone fragments stuck in his spinal cord.

The Gate of View. This gate is highly unusual and harder to learn than the first five. The gut bacteria have a certain intelligence and effect on the brain. A great deal of the less strictly vital parts of the autonomic nervous system are near the stomach. The Gate of View redirects that processing power to the brain and voluntary nerves for combat. The user's senses and reaction time are enhanced, and their form becomes perfectly controlled, directing force only in the exact direction they want it with no wasted energy. An already-strong user can do things like set the air on fire with their blows because their force is so concentrated. However, this is the first gate that can directly kill the user. Someone without strong body awareness and training in the first five gates might transfer all their autonomic nerve processing power to their brain, even their heartbeat! Or it might go to the wrong areas and make important organs go out of control. Even for someone ready for it, this gate can cause headache or even brain damage, especially since the brain is already strained by the Third Gate's blood flow. It also causes some embarrassing digestive issues; the less said about those the better.

The Gate of Wonder. The base of the spine holds the root chakra, the foundation of the spiritual body. Chakra is formed from physical energy the body produces and spiritual energy cultivated through training and meditation. By unlocking the root chakra, one unlocks the production of physical energy, forcing every cell to produce an enormous amount. This is a similar principle to the Uchihas' Susanoo, except the excess chakra is kept in the body. All physical stats are enhanced, but the force of the chakra puts pressure on all body parts in addition to the effects of the other six gates, like the tree-walking technique directed inward from everywhere in the body. This gate is a major ordeal even for a master. It will always incapacitate the user and put their whole body in intense pain when it is done.

The Gate of Death. Imagine trying to force your whole life into a few minutes like pushing putty through a funnel. This most esoteric of the Gates doesn't just enhance some body function; it compresses years of future vitality into minutes, boosting strength and speed and chakra a hundredfold. This overclocking makes the body temperature ridiculously high, and anyone besides a master will be cooked from inside the instant they activate it. Even on a successful activation, their body temperature will boil their blood and it will steam out through their pores, creating a gory red aura. Their skin will be as hot as molten metal. If it doesn't instantly kill the user, they will be the strongest and fastest person in the world for the last minutes of their life. Even a Tailed Beast doesn't compare to a taijutsu master amplified so far. The side effect is, of course, death. Eventually the temperature will be too much for anyone and they will be left a charred husk. Even if the user is resurrected by the Rinnegan or otherwise miraculously healed, they have permanently burned out their ability to create chakra and use any shinobi techniques.

[karskilledme]

Late Night Visits Pt.2 Kars x Reader

Link to part one(NSFW) if you haven't read it. A long time ago someone said I should make a part two. I'm trying to write again so here it is. Reader and Kars renegotiate their 'agreement' into something much more suitable for two lovers.

Warnings: Cigarette mentions, mentions of sex but no actual sex, not proofread.

Words: 738 (A shorty)

Minors DNI

It had only been two days between Kars sniffing out my feelings for him and his next visit. The night started off like many before it, with a cigarette and hot, needy, sex. What was different was that he didn’t leave right after. When all was said and done, he’d usually slink away into the night but this time he stayed. He had said things would need to be renegotiated but half of me believed that was just to appease me. It seems I was wrong and that’s not something I’m disappointed about.

Kars didn’t redon his loincloth as he usually did. Instead, he put on a pair of shorts I’d once gotten him and gracefully laid down next to me on my smaller than needed bed. It did the job just fine when we were on top of each other but now that we were laying towards each other, it seemed much more pitiful. 

Kars looped a strand of my hair in his fingers and hummed. He seemed to ponder for a moment. The anticipation of what he might say practically ate me alive and I’m sure he could sense it. Finally, he spoke. “About our agreement. It seems that I too have developed some kind of feeling for you. You’re a silly thing but I do like you and I especially like your company.” He paused, dropping the strand of hair and turning to look at me more intently now. “I suggest that we make it official and you become my mate.” I stared at him in disbelief for a moment, taking my time to process what he’d just said. His way of talking was so formal and different compared to the likes of modern humans but it was charming in a way. His use of the word mate was the only hang-up I just couldn’t seem to move past. 

“Mate?” I began. “I’m very happy that you have feelings for me… I guess I’m just a little confused about the whole mate part. Are you wanting to have kids… like now?” 

Kars grinned with an airy chuckle and cast his head back softly before returning his gaze. “Mate is what Pillarmen typically call their partners. You humans use all kinds of silly terms to lighten the weight of the word. And there is no rush on kids, of course, I do have quite a lot of time on my hands to get to that.” 

I smiled softly with a chuckle at the beautiful man before me and his unique mannerisms. I sighed, not in exasperation but rather in delight or contentment. “Well then mates it is!” I giggled out, squeezing his bicep. 

Kars moved, softer than usual, from beside me to cage atop me with one hand on either side of me. His hair tickled me ever so softly as he peered down at me and I at him. It felt magical basking in this feeling of closeness we now openly shared. He leaned down closer, his breath tickling my lips causing my heart to erupt in flutter. It was silly really, considering what we had just done moments ago but a kiss on the lips was what I had dreamed of for many nights and now it was so close, he was so close. His lips pressed ever so softly to mine, soft and plush like a velvet pillow. I kissed back with all the emotion I could convey though I doubt my lips were nearly as soft and nice as his. He pulled back and leaned his forehead in close, the bodies of his horns rubbing softly against my skin. This intimacy felt so warm and unreal. I never knew the mean and supposedly awful side of Kars but I also have never known this sweet and tender side that I was seeing now. Unreal was the word for it. He pulled away with a look of contentment, different from his usual look of cockiness.

“It’s a pillarman tradition to rub horns with your new mate. Considering you don’t have any I made do with your human forehead.” He said leaning up to kneel above me. I scoffed with a smile. “You sure know how to ruin a cute moment with your human-shmuman talk. Well, I thought it was sweet and if I had horns I surely would have reciprocated.”

Kars gazed at me mischievously. “You’re lucky I like you (Y/n).”

[issa-pheonyx]

Yandere-sub!Krauser X GN!Reader🔪🌶️

𝗦𝗼, 𝗜 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗞𝗿𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗰 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲. 𝗕𝘂𝘁, 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗮 𝗱𝗼 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗰𝗵 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗻𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁𝗻𝗼𝘁, 𝘁𝗼𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱. 𝗝𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗮𝘆/𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁…𝗮𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝗶𝗰𝗸 𝗯𝗶𝘁𝗰𝗵𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗯𝗿𝗼𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼𝗻-𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗵𝗼𝗲𝘀 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲👀💀

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

-Krauser has been dominating his job role and wanted more than that, but when he realizes that it still didn't satisfy him he grew frustrated. It caused him to lash out on his agents during training and having to have the major Krauser attitude. However, when he was training with you and you literally had that man pinned easily and knife dangerously close to his neck. He was taken aback, but when realization hits his private started to intrude the moment quickly telling you,"That'll be all, (Y/N)." Thankfully, you didn't feel it yet under you when you were straddling his hips...after the training he had to excuse himself to the restrooms to blow off some steam

-It seem like training became brutal for others and worse for Leon since you both were part of the victims of the Raccoon City incident. Near death experiences from those missions he had to do and whilst you-well, they are dangerous regardless, but you manage to finish it much more quickly. Supposedly, behind the scenes someone convinced that you should be held more lightly for a special mission in Spain and for Leon to be very prepared

-Eventually, after finding out about Krauser you were in disbelief as you just see him as major Krauser with respect and loyalty. Krauser on the other hand was much more intimate. "Major Krauser!? Why are you doing this?" He just smirks and answers,"To clean up this insane world of ours and for you to be on the pedestal whilst I pick up the mess after Leon, of course~" You now hold so much venom for him and after each encounter you have with him is rather...different

-He is a man of weaponry alright, but every time you use your gun he manages to dodge it all and is always doing close hits with you. So, you just stick to your knife. The thing is when you even manage to dodge his attacks and you would attempt to strike him he would only move in certain ways. Like he wants to be cut in certain parts of his body. You overthink it that he is secretly enjoying this, yet catch you off guard as he would kick you and throws a flash bang, making you having to find him again to end it

-When you were finding him you seem to catch him in a hidden corner, but quickly move away, so he wouldn't see you. He was sitting down on the dirt leaning against the wall. He was some sort of action with his hand, but it looked like he was hiding it. You try to stay quiet and find another spot where you can get a clear view...my lord he is jerking off. He is trying to suppress his moans as they sounded like whimpers and hissing, his other hand touching the cuts you given him as small leaks of blood goes down his skin. What a sick son of a bitch-

WARNING!! Spicy after this thread [MDNI🔞]

-Whether it is fresh cuts, healing scabs, or scars that is done by YOU it will get him so turned on, because you made those damages. Nobody else couldn't do it cause their lack of parrying and evading his attacks were so stupid and weak. Not you though at least now he will have to work harder and to prove someone-you, that he is more better than anyone else who dare to lay a finger on you

-Even if it isn't a knife he does not mind if it is your nails. Scratching him whether it is his face when he has you pinned on the ground or his back when he pounding you mid fight, grunting and his moans cutting off, because my god you feel amazing and that you're scratching his back, shoulders, and chest. He wants to keep going more faster and harder just to feel the stinging-burning sensation of your nails

-However, if he hasn't managed to get a hold of your insides he would find a way to get you really mad. He wants you to hate him. Hate him physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Psychologically. Just anything. PLEASE!! Krauser wants you to say it. Say that you hate him. Tell him reasons why you hate him while you're cutting his chest, one on his belly, his arm, and small one on his cheek. Give it all to him he wants to feel something

-Put him in a dangerous position like having a knife close to his neck as he is pounding inside you and if he is not making you feel good, threaten him and make the blade get really touchy-almost shifting from how hard and fast he is thrusting into his skin. Or when you're railing him from behind and you cover his mouth with one hand and use the other with the knife dragging down his back, making him cum from the pain and pleasure. He is such a masochistic monster

-Again, the only reason he wants all this is, because he is tired of having to be better than everybody else, but when you came he has something to do. Someone to prove, but to also degrade him, because that'll motivate him to do better. More better than Leon. That's why he became a traitor to show just how powerful he can be for you and that Leon is not worth your presence~

▌│█║▌║▌║ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ L̳͈͉̅̊ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚v̸̵̝͙͆̈ͤę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ M̶̷̲̊ͥ͋͟ę̷̵̧̖̫̗̆̊ ║▌║▌║█│▌

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴! 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗲𝗻𝗷𝗼𝘆𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘁. 𝗠𝘆 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴. 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗹~🖤🫣

[noroi1000]

Mistress of magic

Gojo x Zatanna Zatara reader

@00aw

Summary: A very strong Sorcerer appeared on the battlefield. Someone stronger than Gojo and Sukuna. However, you are so nice and kind to him. You don't want him to die. That's why you help him.

Mistress of magic.

Sorceress supreme.

A person who was thought to be only a fairy tale was called variously.

Nobody has ever met this person.

According to people who knew about this person, there are different dimensions. And she lives in one of them. Mistress of magic. A very powerful sorcerer whose powers cannot be compared to anyone else's.

Apparently, this person can appear suddenly, and destroy everything that disturbs the peace.

Because too much energy released is bad. Destruction and death.

According to some people, it is a divine being that looks at everything from the heavens. Some believe that this is a legendary figure who lived in ancient times, or even earlier.

Great strength and abilities. Something no one would even dream of.

Many possibilities.

However, such a person with such powers was considered a sorcerer.

A female sorcerer whose cursed energy was so powerful to accomplish all this.

Healing, teleportation, protection, attacks. All at once. In one person.

Mystical and cosmic forces.

Everything that anyone can dream of.

A power that could not be matched by the strongest sorcerer in all life on earth.

The origin of this person was unknown.

Or whether she exists.

But according to the stories and conjectures, this person will appear at the moment when humanity will need it.

He will come out of the shadows to suppress the evil that threatens people.

Nobody knows when. Nobody knows how...

But it was thought so.

Few people knew about this story.

But apparently some sorcerers read this story from the stars. And tarot cards and all the others have always confirmed this message.

Although no one believed, supposedly at a very important moment for humanity, their deliverance will appear.

And the Sorceress supreme will come to save people from death.

Cursed energy is negative energy.

But a person with so much energy to do so much good is a wonderful person.

Easily protect, attack and heal. move.

The woman who appeared in the sky right after shattering the barrier of the domain of the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer seemed to have this ability.

Her cut skin regenerated very quickly.

Slash protection appeared around her.

And also something came to attack the attacker.

So that the woman would later disappear and appear in another place.

Her hair waved in the wind as great amounts of cursed energy floated around her.

Seeing and feeling this person, the men stopped fighting for a moment.

You looked at them questioningly.

So it was a fight of the fittest?

You should stop it... So many people have already lost their lives in this place.

Everything was showing you which one was the bad guy.

You flew down to stand next to the tall White Haired man.

And suddenly you put your hand on his forearm, causing all his wounds to heal.

However, more slashes came later, which you deflected, knocking invisible blades away from his body.

They can't win against you.

They can't even think of fighting you.

Your aura is so overwhelming.

It hits them hard and makes their bodies want to twist.

That white-haired man must need some help. Even though you feel he's powerful. You will help him to end it as soon as possible.

You don't want someone who kills for fun to win.

Since he's fighting to defeat him, you can help him.

"What's your name?" You asked with a small smile, looking at him.

You looked so nice. Even though you could probably beat them both at once.

You were so nice to him...

"Gojo Satoru." He replied, looking out of the corner of his eye at the opponent with tattoos. "And you...?"

"(y/n) (l/n)." you smiled harder.

Your smile was so warm even though the chill of death hung in the air.

However, when he was standing next to you, he felt that warmth.

The warmth of safety. Assurance that everything will be fine.

Is this how his disciples felt next to him? He was the strongest and beat everyone. Was this the feeling of peace his disciples felt when he came?

Because now he was the one feeling it. Next to you.

You gave him such peace of mind. A sense of unwavering security.

Because you are definitely stronger than them.

His six eyes told him so.

He wouldn't want you on Sukuna's side. Because if that happened, the world would fall.

You looked at the black-haired man suddenly and uttered something incomprehensible.

And around the sky there was an energy that tried to crush him. It was as if his body was trying to catch demons.

However, he escaped.

You said something again, and the rubble around him lifted up, hitting him with all its might.

Even if he could do the same, your attack was more powerful.

Each scrap was soaked with cursed energy that hitting Sukun did not give him a chance to escape.

He could dodge, but he couldn't escape.

Gojo had heard of such power before. So much more powerful.

His ancestor is Michizane Sugawara. Powerful Jujutsu Sorcerer.

However, there was someone else, more powerful.

Even before that person.

The first user of such a powerful power.

In each generation, one child inherited this power.

However, just like all around, there are fewer sorcerers in the world now than before.

Finding the offspring of the strongest female sorcerer was difficult.

Until suddenly you appeared.

A descendant of the mighty Zatanna Zatara.

You have all that power.

And you will use it to help him.

Because despite the monstrous strength you possess, he feels kindness in you. You're so nice.

Is it possible that he might fall in love?

Because you're so nice to him and deadly to Sukuna.

You treat him, you care about healing him.

Thanks to you, he didn't waste his energy healing him.

So he could lead the fight.

You didn't know your opponent exactly because you just arrived here.

But you've learned your partner's skill in combat.

He really is powerful.

You managed to synchronize your movements so that you didn't accidentally hit him.

You didn't know their abilities, but your opponent stayed away from you.

Sukuna felt the energy emanating from you.

And it was terrifying that he could even shiver when he felt your cursed energy.

You suddenly appeared behind him.

And his body automatically ran away from you.

In order not to be close to this danger.

And then he was vulnerable to Gojo's punches, his blood dripping down his face again.

As you reached out to reach him before his flesh was cut even more, a flame flew to you.

Your energy set up a barrier, but then your body was pulled aside.

And suddenly you had your arms around a white-haired man standing a few meters from your opponent with you in his arms.

"I didn't know you had no respect even for those stronger than you." he said to the black-haired man with the tattoos.

"You're talking about yourself? Funny." He laughed, ready to attack.

"I'm talking about her."

He sent you a smile.

And then he jumped back to avoid the cuts.

Even if nothing happened to you, he couldn't just watch Sukuna throw attacks at you.

Instinctively, he pulled you away. Because I don't think anyone would want their combat companion to be attacked.

He held you in his arms in the most comfortable position for him.

As his hands tightened on your body, you felt a small blush appear on your cheeks.

He jumped back from the attacks, and when you saw his face appearing with blood oozing wounds, you set up a barrier between the two of you, sending to Sukuna a unknown technique that gave you some peace.

His eye was closed, but later you noticed that the eye he thought he closed was actually cut. Cut out.

You brought your hands up to his face, placing your fingers on his cheeks.

His eye looked at you, slightly widened.

And you healed him by watching his face return to normal.

"Better now." You mumbled with a smile.

He also gave you a warm smile in which you could see the personality of this man.

Funny and a bit childish. Hurt by life and also caring for others.

His behavior showed it.

You suddenly hugged him.

And you wanted to promise everything will be fine because you will help him defeat him.

[ask-postcrash-curly]

i was thinking about you recovering and decided to look up more into it

there's prosthetics, but also limb transplants

arm transplants are very viable, but leg ones not so much (at least here where most of us voices are). there is also the risk of rejection, and transplant patients must take immunosuppressant drugs for the rest of their lives to fight that. those same drugs damage the liver and kidneys down the line too

there's been development in some kind of gel that administers the same drugs but locally, reducing the toxic effects. that one would only need to be administered twice a year, and is three times as effective, allegedly

there's osseo-integrated prosthetics for lower limbs though! they are way better than regular prosthetics, the latter which can cause pain in the long run badum tss

then there’s the skin grafts

you’re missing basically all your skin, which would suggest third degree burns, but if that were the case there would be no pain as the nerves get damaged to that depth, and you have stated to feel a lot of pain, then making it second degree burns. but second degree burns can heal by their own within 2-3 weeks or a little longer. that is not the case either, so really we have no clue what fuck is going on with you

either way, just for the sake of discussion we’re gonna go with third degree in this argument

there’s split thickness and full thickness grafts, and just by the name you can assume their differences. you’re gonna need full thickness in this hypothetical case of course. besides the thickness, there are plenty more types of grafts to pick from, and also if they can be permanent or not, so let’s go over them:

autografts are of the permanent type, and are collected from the same patient, take for example, a burn from your arm can get covered by a graft taken from your inner thigh. obviously this is a no go for you

isografts are also permanent, and are collected from a genetically identical donor, like a twin. you don’t have twins, i think… so it’s a no again

allografts are collected from cadavers, but living donors are possible too. these are supposedly temporary but i’ll come back to this one later

xenografts are temporary and come from another species. i’ve heard of tilapia fish skin being used for this before, but those are only split thickness. another no

temporary grafts are mostly used as a placeholder until medical staff can get the permanent grafts, from what i understand

lastly, there’s synthetic skin substitutes, manufactured skin if you will. they can be both temporary or permanent. the permanent version is the cultured epidermal autograft, those are grown from a patient's own skin cells. they take a lot of time to grow though, and they’re mostly done only as split thickness. so i think this one is a no as well

now, the basis of getting a successful graft, transplant rejection

skin compatibility is based on three genes that encode proteins and are a part of the human system that identifies foreign bodies

there’s been studies done about this in order to favor the use of xenografts through the use of modified donor animals, like pigs for example. it consists of changing the genes in the pig that are responsible for the rejection, but finding these genes and removing them is a big challenge with a big price, and it has to be done differently for each individual person

so, what about allografts¿

they’re supposedly temporary, but i’ve seen plenty of cases in which they’ve been used permanently by other people, like for example, there have been entire extremities transplanted between individuals as i mentioned in the beginning. there’s been complete face transplants too

i don’t know much about this subject, i’m not a medical expert, just a very curious person that likes to read

…it’s just so mentally taxing thinking about all these options alone, literally wearing someone else’s skin, their hands, maybe even their face

the idea of one’s human body becoming a personal ship of theseus is terrifying to me

i really wish there was more that could be done for you

Limb transplants? Urgh... I don't know how I feel about having someone else's hands and feet. Ah, well, if legs aren't viable, then someone's hands. Do those drugs come in non-pill forms...? Otherwise I don't think it'll work for me...

Gel? Well, all right, I can work with that.

I don't know what osseo-integrated would mean, but I really don't care if the prosthetics cause me pain. Can't be much worse than this shit. My pain tolerance is going to be through the bloody roof if I get better.

Ah. Yeah. Skin.

Oh joy of joys. I'm a medical marvel. Maybe I'm the first person to get fourth-degree burns. Something like that. I don't fucking know. It hurts and it won't heal because the universe bloody hates me. Sorry, sorry. I'm fine.

...Right, yeah. Don't think my good skin to burns ratio is anywhere near enough to cover me.

Nope. No twins. Unless Mum and Dad are better liars than I realized.

Temporary? Damn... too bad.

Temporary and split thickness. That's the one that's not enough? Shit.

Okay, okay. Could hold onto those for a while then at least. Could stop the pain for a bit, yeah?

Mhm. Probably you're right that it wouldn't be enough, then.

Wait, that was the last one. You're— you're telling— you're telling me none of these can fucking work for me? Nope, nope, staying calm, it's fine, there's surely another option that's not in whichever books and websites you were looking at. Surely. There— there has to be something. (And even then it can reject. Fuck.)

Complete face transplants...? How would that—

...

Fuck's sake, I don't care if it's not really me anymore! I just don't want it to hurt anymore, please, please...

I do too.

Song's nice. Thank you, Fern.