#a couple years ago i was still working there. there were just different employees and i had different tastes

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I go to the same restaurant for lunch almost every day, and today they had my order memorized, so I can never go back

[copperbadge]

Hey Sam, this came across my feed on twit and I wondered if you’d heard about it at all? :(

https://www.reddit.com/r/duolingo/comments/18sx06i/big_layoff_at_duolingo/

Direct link for the curious. Short version, a post on Reddit reported that Duolingo laid off a "large percentage" of its staff, replacing them with AI. I hadn't heard about it, but I knew there were reports about Duolingo trimming its offerings and losing a lot of goodwill after revamping itself a year ago; they've been public about their use of GPT-4 AI starting last March, and it was a tentpole of this year's annual convention, so I was aware of that as well.

The Reddit post is by a former Duolingo contractor, who also shares their severance letter, which is terse to say the least. They state that of their four-person team, two people were let go, with the others left to "babysit the AI". They say that they're a translator and that the people who remained were recast as "curators" for AI translation.

But the post is also not otherwise sourced. So here is everyone's periodic reminder that if the only source is Reddit and Reddit isn't citing other sources, you need to dig a little.

All journalistic sources I've seen (that aren't paywalled, like the Bloomberg article most of them cite) are visibly using the Reddit post as their entre, but also state that the percentage of contractors who were let go is about 10%. That's 10% of contract workers, not 10% of all staff, although admittedly I don't know how many people Duolingo employs, contract or otherwise. 10% is a meaningful chunk, but Duolingo has said that the contractors were let go because their projects had wrapped. While company reps state that this all could be related to the use of AI, they've also said that it's not a 1:1 replacement.

Mind you, the company isn't offering much in the way of backing that up, either.

So there are a couple of issues. Some workers probably were let go simply because their work was finished; the Reddit user doesn't seem to be one of those. We are still seeing that at least some of these jobs were replaced by AI, which is undoubtedly a harbinger of things to come. We don't know what impact this will have on the app. We don't know what kind of work the majority of those people were doing. There's a thread in the Reddit post about whether the voices are now "AI voices" but there's no citation to back up the idea either. They definitely aren't doing AI voice generation for the Latin, where one of the voice actors has a nice voice and also a very loud pet bird.

There is a bigger issue of contract work in the digital and translation industries in the first place; a lot of these people should have been full employees and would have had more protection from this if they had been. Translators have also been brutally devastated by machine/AI translation, which is its own issue. But these are separate and much larger problems that are in no way unique to Duolingo.

I don't like taking this stance because I feel like I'm defending both Duolingo and AI, which isn't my goal. My goal is to remind people that if you see a single source offering a vague statement, you should fact-check. 10% is likely a lot of people but it's not "a huge percentage". We have no real numbers on who was fired, just this person on Reddit saying they're a translator and they were let go. Do I believe them? Absolutely, I have no reason not to and the basic gist is backed up by statements from Duolingo. Do I trust this person's intel? Not especially, after the loud axe-grinding noises they made while posting. Do I trust Duolingo, whose goal is to make money and not look bad while doing it? Not especially either, simply from the standpoint of "the bigger the company the more they're likely to screw you".

But the point is we don't have good data, and this is a complicated and nuanced issue involving a lot of different factors. So either you have to let it go on past, or you have to be prepared to dig a little deeper than a person posting to Reddit about getting laid off.

In any case, Duolingo is one of the few activities that brings me joy right now (I know, I'm working on the issue) and is the only language learning structure that has ever actually worked for me, so despite the new intel and despite the fact that I know a lot of people think of Duolingo's revamp the way I think of Tumblr's new dash, I'm going to keep on with it.

(Plus I paid up for a year, so I might as well at least use it until the year runs out and then reassess.)

[garkgatiss]

{{esquivalience}}, The Auteur, and Doctor Who the TV Show

alright so this novella.

First, its provenance: I was googling the Twist at the End song last week because it's catchy as hell. I ended up on the Tardis wiki and realized that there was a song by the exact same name that appeared in a licensed DWU novella that was published April 9th. As in, last month. Which is weird. It's hard to say how weird, but given the timing, it either has to be a) pure coincidence (lol), b) someone who worked on the show abusing their advance knowledge of plot details for personal gain, or c) intentional coordination between showrunner and novella-writer, a la Joe Lidster writing John Watson’s blog for BBC Sherlock.

The likelihood of (a) is decreasing by the week. I feel like I have to entertain the idea of (b) happening, but it's hard to square why a DWU-writing supernerd who is also involved somehow with the production of the show would risk a lifetime of blackballing from DW for a bit of cheap promotion for their extended-universe tie-in novella. I am so sorry to be saying this, but I think (c) might actually have legs.

The novella's title is {{esquivalience}}, which is a fake word invented in real life by editors of the New Oxford American Dictionary. The invented word means "deliberate shirking of one's official duties", and it was added to the dictionary to protect the copyright of the electronic version. In S9, Face the Raven showed us a “trap street", i.e. a fake street drawn on a map by a mapmaker to identify any copyright infringement of said map -- a dictionary entry for a word made up by the dictionary editors operates similarly as a copy-trap. The definition is apt for a copy-trap as well, because anyone illicitly copying a dictionary is themselves shirking a job they ought to be doing themselves... it's clever, it's very fun, we're off to a great start.

{{a crash course in esquivalience below the cut}}

THE STORY:

The unnamed protagonist applies for a custodial job at this library that serves basically as a databank for the history of everything in the universe. If a book about something is thrown away, that something ceases to have ever existed. Exhibit A: Protagonist works in the Dead & Dying Language Department. They throw away The Book of Belgian Dutch, and a) a couple coworkers with Belgian Dutch heritage either disappear or get completely different names/family trees, and also b) everyone quickly forgets that Belgian Dutch was ever a thing to begin with.

The librarians cover for this accidental deletion of reality by copying/fudging a new book on "Belgian Gerench", their name for what they replace Belgian Dutch with. They try to catch most of the people who were deleted, bring them back, and fit them into that new language/culture/ethnicity bucket they just made up.

(The narration explains that because both Belgian and Dutch still exist separately as concepts, there aren't too many knock-on effects in terms of loanwords in other languages that needed to be modified/recovered. It also explains that time-traveling back to make an exact copy of The Book of Belgian Dutch wouldn't work because of the universe's copyright laws or something.)

Protag then comes after the head of their department, the Head Dictionary Contributor, or Head DC. They find him in a hidden room called the Internal Reference Room. Instead of languages, the books here hold the life stories of every employee, which auto-update as the person lives their life, but can also be edited or destroyed to alter that person's reality. Protag sits down with the Head DC's lifebook and starts adding and erasing things.

It turns out that Head DC knows how wrong editing these books can go from personal experience. Years ago, wanting to leave his mark on the universe, the Head DC chose to add his own copy-trap into The Book of Dutch -- the fake word "esquivalience". This action seemingly created the concept of cutting corners at your job, leading to the insufficient vetting of Protag for this job and therefore their subsequent hiring, which results in Head DC's eventual death.

Head DC pleads with Protag for his life, but Protag is undeterred. They finally tear out the final page in Head DC's book, which kills him. Protag then writes themselves in as Head DC. Settling into their new role, they turn their attention to The Book of English (8th to 25th Century). They first look up the dictionary entry for “esquivalience”, which says it came to English from Dutch, and then flips to the entries for “ravel" and “unravel”, described as contranyms from Dutch roots, both “meaning variably to tangle or to fray”.

This is the central story of the novella. There is also a Prelude and Postlude that describe the lives of two young men, first in a reality in which they never meet, and then in a reality in which they do meet and fall in love (their meeting is enabled by one of them skivving off work in time to make it to see the movie where they first meet -- esquivalience!)

Just before the Postlude, there is also printed the lyrics to a song (see below), and an excerpt from The Book of English, this volume covering the 4th to 5th billionth centuries of history. This excerpt again gives the definition of “unravel”, but refers the reader to an appendix for the full list of definition, and notes they are “largely in usage as reference to Unravel, The” and “N.B. to be used with extreme care and caution”.

NOVELLA-SHOW CONNECTIONS:

Mavity [Wild Blue Yonder]: Mavity happened all the way back in Wild Blue Yonder, so it's not necessarily surprising to see it in a novella published in April 9, 2024, but there's a whole scene establishing that the M has seemingly replaced the G in all Romance languages, while Domhantarraingt in Irish-Gaelic is unaffected.

Rope [The Church on Ruby Road]: We're all learning the vocabulary of rope now! The Unravel is what the novella calls the meta-historical revisions caused by making edits to the books. There are also rope/weaving metaphors everywhere. Again, the rope themes of the TV show predate the April 9 novella just far enough that in theory it would have been possible for the novella to have taken inspiration from the 2023 Christmas Special. Except. The wiki page for The Unravel credits ownership of the concept to Jamie H. Cowan, the author of the novella. Not just that, but The Unravel was used – with credit to Jamie – in a DWU short story collection published December 26, 2023 – the day after The Church on Ruby Road aired.

Dot and Bubble [Dot and Bubble] : At this point, “Dot and Bubble” is a contextless episode title to me, first announced on March 31. In the novella, we get this:

The Twist At The End [The Devil’s Chord] : Just before the novella's Postlude, there are the lyrics to a song called “The Twist At The End”. Just listed there, no context, like an azlyrics.com entry. They are not the same lyrics as the song in The Devil's Chord, but then, meta-historical revision would kind of be the point, wouldn't it? There's just this sentence to connect it to anything happening in the narration: "Somewhere, in the far distance, as ______ continued to erase, an old 1960s Earth tune began to play."

EDITED TO ADD: @corallapis has pointed out to me that not only did the existence of the song "Twist at the End" by John Smith and the Common Men leak, but the novella's author tweeted about it in December 2023.

The Chumerian languages of the planet B’llauit, for instance, needed much consideration. Particularly Krulvan. There was still a great deal of work to be done in compiling the post-technoweb aspects of Krulvan. Like how most emotional words and phrases contracted more and more, until finally, they were little more than abbreviations. The old dot-and-bubble effect.

A parent’s love was no longer expressed post-technoweb as “Kal-at lur amoi”, but instead as merely “KLA”. Which needed to be carefully distinguished in the relevant encyclopedia from another abbreviated Krulvan phrase “Kal’ati Lepr’en Acrumpsal” – which was something rather equivalent to the expletives of other languages like “D’Arvit”, or “Bleno”.

It's only a brief mention in the book, so it's possible in theory that it was added after the episode titles were released, or even after the novella’s publication (Amazon allows post-publication changes up to 10% of the text, and it’s not possible to track those changes). I’ve included the second paragraph because it’s interesting that the example they’ve given is the word for a parent’s love, which we can see as a running theme in this season of DW (though Moffat has said before that the only thing he writes about is a parent’s love, so who knows).

Not the strongest evidence of two-way coordination, but we may learn more when the episode airs.

Dutch [Space Babies, Boom]: Yeah, as in, the Dutch language. The words “spoor” & “smelt” both get a "oo, good word!" callout, spoor in Space Babies and smelt in Boom. These words both have Dutch roots. Splice, the daughter's name in Boom, is not only from a Dutch root, but also means the joining two pieces of rope. I read this novella just before Boom dropped on Disney+, so I can personally confirm that this is not a post-hoc addition to the novella. It hardly could have been anyway, this element is much more integral to the novella’s narrative than any of the other pieces.

The Auteur

This is where this all becomes relevant to the “Doctor Who is a TV Show” theory.

While the Protag is shredding the Head DC’s book, the Head DC is in the room, and what follows is an extremely meta narrative-aware pre-death monologue from the Head DC. He's pleading with Protag to stop changing things in his book, but he also refers to an "It" whose power surpasses them both.

He held eye contact with them as they looked up, “You didn’t pick up Belgian Dutch by chance. It’s how it plays. In weaving coincidences.”

“Just stop reading. Stop changing things. Stop, and we can be spared. Be free! If you keep going, then it will get what it wants. It is a happening [sic]. Out there, and in here in the basement. Everywhere. It will win if you keep going.”

“One day, you’ll make the same mistakes. Goddamn, you will. Because it’s all already written. It has already written it all. The paths, the choices. Rewrites, erasures, and even the contradictions. If you don't just... stop... it will... Unravel us all."

The "It" in question is presumably the author. Like an author writing a story, "It" plays by weaving coincidences, "It" gets what it wants when we keep reading, "It" has already written everything.

The Head DC mentions a special disposal chute, which had recently appeared as if by magic, which enabled Protag’s destruction of Belgian Dutch. Head DC’s references to this “It” suggest that his decision to create a word meaning cutting corners caused his eventual death, not by inventing the concept of cutting corners, but by creating a set-up that the Auteur, a godlike being that cares only for the rules of narrative, was compelled to write a satisfying follow-through for. The Auteur changed reality in order to weave a narratively-satisfying coincidence.

The Auteur is a character from the DW-spinoff series Faction Paradox. The creator of the Faction Paradox universe describes it as “on the surface an SF universe, but it works on the same principles as traditional folklore.”

I am but a humble Moffat scholar, so explaining the character of The Auteur is immediately getting into lore that I cannot even begin to decipher.

But it seems plausible that in the show we’re dealing with a godlike being, someone along the lines of Maestro or the Toymaker, but instead of caring only for the rules of play, cares only for the rules of narrative.

And this being, The Auteur, is altering reality and creating the narratively-satisfying coincidences in 14’s and 15’s timelines, possibly starting all the way back with the coincidence of 14 regenerating as David Tennant and immediately bumping into Donna Noble.

And it seems plausible that this season was created in cooperation with these DWU authors to whom concepts like The Auteur and The Unravel are licenced, and the novella is a tie-in text full of references to the current season to lead savvy superfans on a merry chase that foreshadows the season’s big bad.

Because I... don't really have another explanation for the existence of this novella at this point.

[chasedbyatlantic]

finally alone, joel miller

masterlist summary: IN WHICH — you and joel miller are nothing but flirty towards each other, no matter the situation. when the two of you decide to take an unauthorized visit outside of jackson, it really shows.

warnings: post outbreak!joel, jackson era!joel, gender neutral!reader, no use of y/n, fluff, implied-ish relationship, friends to lovers type beat, mentions of cheating/death/hooking up, reader is a bit of a player, stripping, swearing. lmk if i missed anything else!

wordcount: 2.3k

a/n: guys comment what u want me to write abt cuz im running out of ideas haha :,). remember to like, comment, reblog and follow for more! xoxo

—

It was a torrential downpour right now, the sun had disappeared hours ago and there was nowhere to wait it out. It was nice and sunny this morning when the two of you had left the walls, passing by the sleepy guards with no issues whatsoever. Tommy had given everyone working the walls instructions to not let you or his brother go through without clearing with Tommy first, but some rules are meant to be broken, right?

Not that you had a bad reputation, but not too many of the conservative mothers and elderly were fond of you. It had to have been because of your loud mouth, you had convinced yourself. But the weeks following yours and Joel's arrival, you were sure it was more than just your loud mouth. You were always on edge, and ready to fight people for what you needed- for Christ sake, you lived outside of the walls for ten years, you couldn't have been any different. It probably also didn't help that you hooked up with a married man or two, but that's besides the point.

You and Joel were partners, not literally, but the two of you had been teamed up for a while. You met at the Boston QZ when Marlene, the leader of the Fireflies, had tasked the both of you to move 'precious cargo'. You grew close to Joel, and eventually Ellie. After arriving at Jackson, Ellie had separated herself a bit from Joel and you, but you two remained tied at the hip, despite what everyone thought about it.

People had suspected and assumed what was happening between you and Joel, that you two were a couple and you were cheating on him with married men. First of all, the two of you weren't together, and second of all, those men wanted to fuck you, not the other way around. You and Joel had only laughed off the allegations, not really giving a shit about what anyone else thought about the two of you.

The two of you were completely drenched, right through your clothes, when you arrived at the place you had planned to visit, a Walgreens. Well, an outdated Walgreens. You could tell the place was still stocked with food after twenty years, there were just a few runners the two of you had to get rid of. You two were at the back of the Walgreens, the employee entrance. "Do we have to go in?" You asked, "I wanna stay out and dance in the rain!" You had to have your voice raised a bit, the water muting many of the room tone-like sounds.

He checked the clip in his pistol, before shoving it back in. "Y'ur actin' like we ain't gonna have all the time in the world to dance in there, plum." You hated that, plum. First of all, he knew you absolutely hated the name, second of all, plums were your least favourite fruit. "I'll feed you to those runners if y'ain't careful." You threatened him.

Joel shook his head, knowing you wouldn't do anything. It was funny, really, you saying you would hurt him. He found it cute if anything. "Ya' know what to do in there, you get one'n I'll get the others." You nodded your head as Joel silently opened the door. The three runners in there turned their head and screamed, immediately running to the two of you. They spared you some time, though, from tripping over everything in the way.

Joel went first, shooting at the one that had flew over for him. It went down without a fight, and you had leaped over its body in a careful matter. You were better in hand-to-hand combat, so you had your machete swinging to cut half a head off of the runner. When the runner you had killed fell to the floor, another gunshot and body drop was heard from where Joel was. You turned to see all three down, Joel almost grinning. "Too easy, eh?"

You shook your head, your eyes rolling. "Alright pretty boy," You said, "Help me drag 'em outside." He holstered his weapon, sliding a sly 'yes ma'am' to you before helping, knowing that would drive you crazy. It did, though you chose to ignore it. The two of you were very flirty with each other, it was a second nature in all honesty. Though, you didn't mind it, Joel was anything but ugly.

He helped you bring the former-runners outside, it only took a couple minutes - you two didn't want to go back outside, but you had to do what needed to get done. Once the two of you were finished, Joel had locked the door, which meant the two of you were stuck in here for a while. "Did the list get destroyed?" You questioned him, as he searched through his bag. Joel, not long after, took out a small piece of paper with a grin on his face. "All good."

Not too long after, you were down one aisle, Joel the one beside. You decided to sort of split up, and efficiently scavenge for what you needed to get. You two wanted to keep this place on the downlow, in case things ever went south in Jackson and you needed a place to take Ellie to. It was perfect, really, despite the few runners that were here previously. Food, water, medicine, shelter, everything you needed when the world was in this state.

The two of you were in comfortable silence, until you broke it. "Joel?" You had called out, a small 'hm?' being returned from him not long after. "What type of, uh- lotion did she want? There's forty different kinds." Your eyes scanned the shelf, reading every different label. Ellie had promised you that she wouldn't tell anyone about yours or Joel's whereabouts if you picked her up this certain type of lotion, one to help her bite be less itchy, or something.

"Uh," He began, "Nivea? 'M not sure." Your eyes scanned the shelf once more, before picking up the bottle and sliding it in your bag. It almost slipped out of your hands, you were still completely drenched from the shitty weather outside. Just as you were about to leave that aisle, and join Joel at his, something caught your eye. This is perfect, you thought to yourself, you needed a good laugh and this would crack you up.

You reached for the wrapped box, "Joel?" You had called out once more. You heard shifting around from the other side, "What is it?" He replied. You threw the box over to his side, putting your hand over your mouth as you tried to muffle your laughs. The thud of the box hitting the floor was the only other sound, other than you laughing of course.

"Really?" Was heard from the other side, "Condoms? Real fuckin' mature o'you." This sent you through the roof, honestly. Maybe it was the lack of sleep you had been getting for the last few weeks, or that this was genuinely ridiculous, but you just bursted out with laughter. Let the whole world hear you, you thought to yourself, who cares.

"I'm sorry!" You had exclaimed in between laughs, "It was too fuckin' funny not to!" You slipped past into Joel's aisle, looking for him. He wasn't there. Your laughs calmed down, "Joel?" You drug out the last part of his name, curiously stepping forward. As soon as you did that, you felt arms wrap around you and pick you up. Not arms of a clicker, no, but arms that felt too familiar to your waist.

Joel spun you around, his chin resting in the crook of your neck from behind. The roles were reversed, he was now the one with the laughing fit and you were the unamused one. You had let a few 'let me go!'s escape your lips, trying your best to stay upset, though it didn't work for long. Joel set you down after a few more spins, trying his best not to fall over from the dizziness.

Things between the two of you were complicated, you hooked up all the time but were nothing official. It felt weird, making things official during a time like this. Nobody wanted to care for someone too much, since they didn't know what tomorrow would bring. It was a mutual feeling, you were sure of it, you just didn't know what to do about it.

"I hated that." You flatly-as-possible said that to him, as you turned and faced him. He met your gaze, you could stare into his eyes all day. "That's what you get." He had simply replied to you with, this earned a confused look and a raised eyebrow from you, "Excuse me?" Joel could only hold his smile back, "They were too small, should've at least thrown over the right size."

For fuck sakes, Joel Miller. You slapped him on the shoulder after he broke the shared gaze and walked off, yelling a 'Christ, Joel!' as you chased after him. He drove you crazy, and he knew that. Not a bad crazy, not anything close to that. Whatever crazy it may be, it was mutual.

With another hour of scavenging under the two of yours' belts, you both grew tired. You were still wet from outside, your hair had started to dry, though. Both Joel and you had found an upstairs to the grocery store, it looked to be an employee break room or something like that. You had brought up a few blankets, candles and matches, and a change of clothes. You had set up the candles around your room, not as a romantic gesture, but as a light source. Obviously the power wasn't working, and the two of you needed to see what you were doing.

Joel had set up the blankets by the time the last candle was lit, a proud look to his face. You took notice, as you shrugged off your bag and bent down to untie your boots. "You're a great blanket-layer, Mister Miller." He tsked when you had said that, "No need to remind me." He took notice of you starting to unzip your pants, and push them down. He rose his brow, waiting for you to explain what you were doing.

You took notice of this after you had removed your pants, and stood back up to get your shirt, "What? I'm soaked." Joel had completely forgot about that, in all honesty. His clothes were soaked through as well, no doubt in that, he was just too caught up in the moment with you that he had pushed it to the side. He had removed his shirt as you took yours off, if someone else was to see this, they would definitely think something else was happening.

You two had stripped down to just your undergarments and towel-dried yourselves off. God bless Walgreens for carrying everything, you had thought to yourself. In no time, the two of you were dressed back up in comfortable clothes for the time being, making an unspoken decision that you guys would spend the night.

You were the first one to lay down on top of the blankets Joel had set up, Joel was looking through his bag for something. "Can we just stay here forever, you'n me?" You asked, eyes closed and sprawled out. He could only chuckle in response, "What 'bout Ellie?" Shit, you had forgotten about her. You were too caught up being with just Joel that you had forgot Ellie was at home, probably wondering where the fuck the two of you were. "Pass me the walkie," You asked, "Let me call her."

That was what you did, you went onto the right channel and began talking into the walkie talkie. It took a minute or two until you actually got a response from Ellie. She had made sure you two were fine, and not 'absolutely fucking deceased' (her words, not yours). With much reassurance and whatnot, you soon bid your farewells to her, and had promised you would be back the following day. Ellie had also made the comment saying not to 'come back knocked up', sounding like your mother. This earned Joel to yell at her from the background, but only made you laugh. You loved that kid, like your own.

You placed the walkie down, moving to one side of the not-so-bed bed. "Joel," You groaned, "Hurry up, I'm freezing." You complained. You were in wet clothes for hours, you were bound to be frostbitten at this point. Joel was your heat source for tonight, though he didn't mind, not one bit. With you basically cuddled up to him the entire night, it brought ease to him sleeping.

He shortly lay down beside you, stretching his arm out which had only caused you to lay on his chest. He was chewing something, it smelled too familiar. "What're you eating?" You had hummed, a yawn following your question. "Dried plum." He only replied, doing everything in his power to suppress his grin.

You shook your head, well, as much as you could with your head laying on Joel's chest. "Where the fuck did you even get dried out plums? That's the stupidest thing ever." Joel didn't think it was, plums were his favourite fruit- he wouldn't say anything about that, though, not yet. If you didn't want to eat any plums, he would help you out. This was another case of the olive theory. "One of Maria's friends does 'em, seriously, you should try 'em."

You bickered with him about it for a moment, dropping it the next. Joel loved when you bickered with him, it made you two sound like an old, married couple- though you weren't, not yet. He loved how you would rant on about your hate for plums, or what you had done during the day throughout Jackson. He was just happy to be finally alone with you, not being able to handle anymore time spent not by your side.

—

finally alone, mac demarco

[drak3n]

TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE: PROLOGUE

ꨄ. SYNOPSIS: the launching of a new platform magically re-connecting seperated people has shaken the entirety of social media. after many months of contemplation and denial, you give in to your urges.

ꨄ. SENA’S NOTE: this merely serves as a way to introduce all eight parts of the mini-series! as they’re all characters from different fandoms, there clearly won’t be names or any specific action in this! so this is a little short :)

TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE MASTERLIST

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

everywhere.

it was everywhere you went. following you around like it was your shadow, cornering you at any given possibility.

you knew the drill. once something went viral anywhere, it would stick around for some time and then be forgotten.

that wasn’t the case with this damn live show. not at all. the first time it had been announced on international tv must have been ages ago, like around the beginning of the year. yet, the hype never seemed to die down, with more and more people freaking out online and in real life about how it changed their lives.

you were convinced it was a scam. like come on, who even believed in a fairy tale like that? being reunited with a lost lover, or any kind of lover who it didn’t work out with?

there was a reason it hadn’t worked out. because if there wasn’t, you’d still surely be with that person.

it started with trailers being shown on every channel you zipped through, announcing free slots for their newest season and putting emphasis on their confidentiality. how people had the choice to stay anonymous while spilling their private and embarrassing matters to so-called love experts.

such bullshit.

now, it went way past that. you ended up avoiding watching tv, just to literally be haunted by that cursed show in other ways. through flyers and stickers flying around, through posters hung up on subway stations and even inside of said subways, hell, a couple of days ago, there was even an airship promoting it.

TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE. a silly name for a concept just as silly as that.

what did you have to do again to apply?

right, as if there was any way of forgetting with how much your coworkers were babbling about it. they made sure to remind you of that every day.

“i’m still thinking if i should just call them the next time and try my luck,” you heard one of many tell another while you were waiting in the line for your lunch. “i really, really want to make up with my ex. they’re my only hope.”

their conversation went on for many more minutes, and you were glad when you finally were next in line to greet the lunch lady with a tired smile. as she filled your tray in a halfhearted manner, your smile quickly faded away upon hearing her talk to a fellow worker behind the counters.

“my son and his teenage love reconciled after he applied there. they are awaiting their first child soon!” the elderly woman gushed while placing a cup of pudding onto your tray, waiting for you to scan your employee id before you shuffled away from the line to plop down on an empty space in the crowded lunch hall.

it was all the same. love, love, love. always those same old problems. getting dumped, being abandoned, or doing the dumping and abandoning.

regret, sadness, frustration, desperation.

you came home that sane evening with thoughts plaguing your mind; with the big question if those were all signs for you to see. if everything you’d been hearing and seeing for these past couple of months were meant to open your eyes, somehow. to get the hint.

making a beeline to your bedroom, your eyes darted to the package placed on your bed. still untouched and waiting to be sent. the pastel pink stamp had been placed on the corner of the box yesterday by you. those fuckers made so much money with their hit show that they distributed stamps, to force them to send more drama their way for them to indulge in.

it was stupid that you had even put in the effort to package what was meant to have been tossed away long ago. it might or might not have been long yet, but why did you keep that?

as a writer, you couldn’t contain yourself. even back then, you had always known you’d end up becoming anything connected to writing, journaling, whatever. it was almost annoying how you used to document all those feelings you couldn’t put into words.

specifically writing letters had always been your passion. writing down your heartbreaks and grief into words and making them come to life on paper.

words you failed to tell him.

the recipients were all written on the envelopes inside the box, some years ago, and some recently, and you didn’t even know if they were still the same addresses.

for some, you knew for sure they weren’t.

even if the cast of TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE — if they picked you, that is — wouldn’t find their current addresses, you were for sure going to be relieved. those letters had been a significant burden on your heart ever since you had written them.

for the first time in your life, you didn’t feel any kind of satisfaction from writing. these letters existed to be sent. and you were realizing it just now.

they were meant to be read aloud, understood. they had to be read by others for you to be at peace with your unresolved feelings.

the very next morning, you handed the package to the post office, bidding farewell to years of bottled-up and hidden feelings.

it wasn’t until a week later that you received a letter, with the same pink stamp and sender the same you had sent your letters to. you found yourself reading it in front of the door to your apartment:

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

dear contestant,

we thank you for your package and were enthralled to read about your experiences. upon short discussions within our team of experts, we soon decided to choose your case to present in our next live airing, which is going to be this saturday!

the letters have already been sent out to their respective addresses — some of which we had to adjust as there have been changes.

it is up to you if you want to join us for our next airing — it be via call or even by showing up at our studio! we will welcome you in any case and make sure you will reunite with one of your lost loves.

please do not worry, as we will handle all of your data with the utmost care and make sure that none of it is leaked for other purposes.

up until then, stay lovely and trust the process!

ꨄ. your TO ALL THE MEN YOU’VE LOVED BEFORE cast

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

PROCEED TO OPEN LETTER

THE LOST LOVE ꨄ TOJI FUSHIGURO

THE ONE NIGHT STAND ꨄ HIROMI HIGURUMA

THE NEMESIS ꨄ ATSUMU MIYA

THE BEST FRIEND ꨄ KEN RYUGYJI

FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS GONE WRONG ꨄ SHUJI HANMA

THE FORBIDDEN LOVE ꨄ LEVI ACKERMAN

RIGHT PERSON, WRONG TIMING ꨄ TOUYA TODOROKI

THE BOY NEXT DOOR ꨄ SHOUEI BAROU

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ♡•°`.

[takerfoxx]

(After)Life: Why the Evangelion Pilots Should Be Left Alone

Hey, throwing this up here before I officially publish it in a couple days as both of a sort of preview and also for feedback. This is the first installment of that Evangelion story that I've been talking about, a sort of in-universe opinion piece to introduce the premise and themes and whatnot. But basically, here's the general idea: it takes place over the course of about a century and a half after End of Evangelion, where Third Impact turned everyone into orange juice (LCL, whatever) and made humanity into a hivemind. Shinji and Asuka emerge onto that beach in a post-apocalyptic landscape like in the movie, Rei herself later returns under very odd circumstances, and after many trials and tribulations they eventually form a throuple. However, as more and more people also emerge from Instrumentality and society begins to rebuild, they find themselves needing someone to blame, and the Eva pilots seem the perfect fit. And since Shinji, Asuka, and Rei are afflicted with a somewhat modified version of the Eva's curse from the Rebuild films (basically, can't age, can't die), they're stuck with it for a long time.

So, basically the idea is for it to be a series of short stories released out-of-order, each of them taking place at a random point of time and touching in with how the trio are doing at that particular moment and keeping track of how society is reacting to them, and vice-versa. So, this will be very different than the more serialized stuff I've done in the past, and a lot more manageable as a result. Any installments will come out whenever I feel like working on this. Anyway, here's the first installment. Let me know what you think.

Why the Evangelion Pilots Should Be Left Alone, by Alice Glocke

One-hundred and twelve years ago, the world died, and ever since then, we have been seeking someone to blame.

A world still reeling from the horrors of Second Impact. A world under constant invasion by extraterrestrial monsters beyond comprehension. A world fighting desperately against increasingly hopeless odds not just to recover, but to survive, to not go quietly into that good night, to plant its feet and declare into the face of God himself that it not only existed, but would continue to exist, and woe be to all that would seek its destruction.

In this, it failed, and the world died.

In many ways, the horrors of Third Impact are less of a scar and more of an open wound, one bleeding LCL into our waters. Yes, we continue to rebuild, and life continues to repopulate and flourish. But though the brief moment in which humanity ceased to exist was now over a century ago, we still have those among us who were forced to take part in Instrumentality, only regaining their thoughts, bodies, and sense of personal identity through sheer force of will, and who had to eke out any means of survival that they could on a dead planet.

In the years following Third Impact, as society finally began to reconstruct itself and climb out of the muck into something that was at least functional, humanity has had to grapple with how to respond to the collective trauma that every person on the planet now shared. There was a great deal of righteous anger and a cry for justice, but with the entire SEELE Council still out of reach within Instrumentality, those cries went unfulfilled. Yes, a small number of NERV employees were found and taken into custody, but those were found to have nothing to do with Third Impact, with only that organization’s highest-ranking members working in cohorts with SEELE. And those individuals also remained out of reach.

And then, everything changed. Fourteen years after Third Impact, we finally had someone to blame. The surviving Evangelion Pilots had been found.

In a way, finding them had been a relief. So much bottled-up anger, so much unresolved pain, and those responsible were beyond justice. Now, humanity had the perfect scapegoats. Essential key components of SEELE’s Instrumentality Project, masquerading as fearless defenders of Earth while working the whole time to destroy it. Shinji Ikari, known as the Third Child, and son of NERV’s infamous commander Gendo Ikari, the man perhaps the most responsible for enacting Third Impact. And Asuka Soryu Langley, Second Child, daughter of one of the Human Instrumentality Project’s designers. And while there had been many to decry pinning the blame on those two, that it was unfair to place the sins of the parents on their hapless children, all of those protests faded away when Shinji Ikari made his fateful confession. It had been he that had been given the choice whether or not to allow Third Impact to take place. And it had been he who had made the decision to end the world.

Everyone knows that image of two young teenagers being led from the UN Council by their lawyers and bodyguards, being pelted with garbage from an angry crowd. Whether they saw it in textbooks, had it sent to them by friends as a meme, or even were one of those that watched it live, this is perhaps the most infamous image of the New World. And for a time, most felt that the anger directed at those two was fully justified. Certainly, the UN Council seemed to agree, finding them both guilty of aiding and abetting in SEELE’s schemes to end the world, Shinji intentionally and Asuka unintentionally. The two were then incarcerated in a “secure facility,” and that was that.

Since then, the condition of the two pilots has mostly fallen out of the public’s consciousness. No appeals, no interviews, no word as to what they were up to or how they were doing. Every single “Where are they now?” op-ed has always ended up as a rewritten version of the same events, with each one ending with “Shinji and Asuka: still locked up,” with the only significant change being the number of years between the trial and the newest article’s publication.

Which isn’t to say that they’ve disappeared completely, but rather they seemed to have ceased to become actual public figures and become more of caricatures. They appear in comic strips and cartoons as grossly exaggerated versions of themselves, usually with the destruction of the world as the punchline. They’ve become symbols, memes, representations of the guilt laid upon their shoulders, little more than villains straight out of a children’s story.

Which isn’t to say there haven’t been voices of support over the years. Asuka especially seems to have garnered a small but vocal following, pointing out that she actually had nothing to do with the implementation of Third Impact, and so forcing her to share Shinji’s fate was perhaps unfair. The phrase “Asuka did nothing wrong” has come in and out of vogue, and in time it seems that she has become something of a symbol of the unjustly persecuted. Even Shinji himself, who for so long shouldered the majority of the blame for Third Impact, has seen a turnaround in how the public has treated him, pointing out that perhaps placing the full blame for what had happened upon a child soldier indoctrinated by an evil organization of adult men is a bit unfair.

However, none of these voices ever gained much traction. Once the trial was over, most of humanity’s attention was directed toward just trying to heal, and there was little room for the Evangelion Pilots.

But then, nine months ago, all of that changed.

The hacking of the UN security files and the subsequent leaks of not only their own data on the pilots, but also all of the files that they had managed to recover from NERV, has been nothing less than earth-shaking. Granted, little had been revealed about the Human Instrumentality Project and SEELE’s designs that the public didn’t already know, though the full extent of their machinations had been troubling. However, it was the data on the pilots that had been the most troubling, and revealed how little we truly understood about the Earth’s murderers.

For decades, Shinji Ikari had been painted as a willing participant in his father’s schemes, Gendo Ikari’s heir anointed and trusted lieutenant. But now we knew the truth. He was little more than a child forced into taking part in a war that he wanted no part in and suffered greatly for. We listened to the recordings of his screams of agony, his enraged curses and threats, and his pleas for help on behalf of himself and his fellow pilots. We read the psychological evaluations of his frequent depressive states, his attempts to run away, and the lack of support that he received. We learned of his own father’s cold treatment of him, and how Gendo Ikari would psychologically torture his son to get him back into the cockpit of his Evangelion.

And with all of this came the truth. Shinji and the other pilots were deliberately abused. Evangelions were at their most effective when bonded with a broken soul. The pilots were traumatized time and time again in order to increase their effectiveness in combat and denied help afterward. In light of this new information, we ourselves were forced to confront an uncomfortable truth. Shinji Ikari’s decision to cause Third Impact was less the act of megalomaniac enacting his father’s master scheme as it was that of a suffering child drowning in a sea of rage and torment, desperate to escape the Hell that his life had become.

Who among us as children has not wished that the world would end at one time or another? Shinji was simply unfortunate enough to have the means to do so thrust into his hands when at his lowest, and he had far more reason to do so than anyone ever could have imagined. And by all accounts, he regretted it immediately afterward.

There is no justifying what he did, no taking back the suffering that he caused. But at least now, people have come to understand why, and feel that he had been unfairly mischaracterized by history.

But that was far from the biggest bombshell to come out of that leak. Just as everyone was coming to terms with what we had learned about someone so long believed to be a monster, we discovered something that pushed almost all discussion of Shinji Ikari out of everyone’s minds.

Rei Ayanami had survived.

If there is anyone among the Evangelion Pilots subject to more discussion, demonization, and blame for what had happened, it is her. And why wouldn’t she be? An artificial human, created by a combination of human DNA and genetic material gathered from Lilith, the secretly imprisoned second Angel, literally created to serve as Lilith’s resurrection and the one to carry out the Third Impact.

Rei had fulfilled her purpose. She had bonded with Adam, the first Angel, and transformed into an abomination. Those who witnessed Third Impact spoke of a monster, an enormous pale-skinned woman embracing the Earth. And there was little reason to doubt this, as her gigantic corpse had been found just offshore of the ruins of Tokyo-3 and sits in the Human Instrumentality Research Center to this day, alongside the recovered remains of the Evangelions themselves, the corpses of the Angels, and the last remaining pool of LCL, containing the souls of those who decided to remain in Instrumentality. Surely, if anyone deserves to be painted as a monster, it is her. And it wasn’t as if she were around to protest how the history books characterized her, as she had perished immediately after destroying the world.

Except she hadn’t, at least not permanently. She had come back, and had been found alongside Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley. The whole time when the UN had been making scapegoats of those poor children, the actual monster had been in their hands, and they said nothing.

However, calling even Rei a monster had proven to be more complicated than anyone could have expected.

The topic of Rei Ayanami’s rebirth is woven into the enigma of her existence. Much has been made of her reincarnation as Lilith, while next to nothing has ever been discussed about Rei Ayanami the person, Rei Ayanami the human. And why would there be? All accounts of her painted her as a cold, emotionless being, as befitting her alien origins. What more is there to discuss?

As it turns out, there is plenty.

We have long known of NERV’s barbaric and, dare I say, downright blasphemous experiments involving the human soul, how each of the Evangelions literally had the soul of a person close to its chosen pilot embedded into its neural network. For Shinji and Asuka, it was their mothers. But what of Rei? What of this artificial person, created from a test tube, born from a vat? What person could possibly fill that role?

As it turns out, it was herself.

Three years after her creation, Rei was accidentally killed by Dr. Akagi, one of the scientists working on the Human Instrumentality Project. Her soul was preserved, thanks to its artificial nature. However, with her death, NERV saw an opportunity. Only half of her soul was implanted within a fresh clone body, while the other served as the core of Unit 00, the first of the Evangelions.

With only half a human soul, Rei’s capacity to experience normal emotions and form human connections was severely stunted, resulting in the passive, almost robotic individual described by those who knew her. She was likewise groomed to be utterly obedient, valuing little for her own life while carrying out her orders with no hesitation. And yet, despite these handicaps, connections did form. Notes from her handlers speak of a growing friendship between herself and Shinji Ikari, one that had NERV’s command concerned. After all, should she somehow break free from their programming, it could threaten all of their carefully laid plans.

This was further complicated by her second death, when Eva 00 became infected by Armisael, the Sixteenth Angel, and was forced to self-destruct before the infection could spread. Again, Rei’s soul was retrieved, but with no Eva to implant half of it into, the entire thing was placed within her new body. And unwilling to risk having a Rei Ayanami suddenly experiencing the full range of human emotions with no prior experience controlling them in such a critical stage, NERV using psychiatric drugs, tranquilizers, and mental conditioning to keep her confined within her customary passive and pliable state, right up until the end.

The topic of Rei’s latest resurrection has also been heavily debated. Certainly, her own recounting of the event has been less than helpful. We know that NERV had a number of clone bodies in reserve should she die in battle, but they were all destroyed leading up to Third Impact. According to Rei herself, a new body was formed by a “her,” presumably Lilith. Another time she claimed to have created the new body herself. But regardless of the body’s origin, following Lilith’s death, her human soul somehow found its way back into the final clone body, where she was later found by Shinji and Asuka, and remained with them for the next fourteen.

Part of the reason that the outrage against the UN has found it difficult to be sustained is that there is a lack of agreement on what exactly to be outraged about, as so much was revealed that turned everything that we thought to be true on its head, causing more confusion than anger. But perhaps the most revealing aspect of the leaks were what has since been dubbed the Pilot Interviews, recordings of the interrogations of the Evangelion Pilots following their capture.

Shinji Ikari’s were certainly eye-opening. Throughout his questioning, he was revealed to be a man haunted by his actions, someone who spent years drowning in guilt and who had only just begun to break the surface. He spoke of his many failed suicide attempts, of begging both Rei and Asuka to put him out of his misery, and seemed completely resigned to whatever justice he was to be sentenced to, though at times a passive-aggressive streak would surface, especially whenever the topic of his infamous father came up. Still, if anything, it was these series of tapes that did the most to rehabilitate his image.

Asuka’s, on the other hand, were anything but passive. If anything, she was downright hostile. It was clear that she did not feel that her and her companion’s capture was in any way justified, and felt compelled to explain her disdain to her interrogators in full, and often very colorful, detail. Nor did she feel the slightest bit remorseful for any part that she had to play in NERV’s atrocities.

There has been some debate if her attitude was warranted, with her defenders pointing out that she was correct, that she hadn’t actually had anything to do directly with Third Impact, while others claim that given the circumstances, her behavior reeked of haughty entitlement.

However, all of that was completely overshadowed by the third set of interview sessions, that of Rei Ayanami.

If Shinji’s were regretful and Asuka’s volatile, then Rei’s were downright unhinged. A far cry from the serene, almost emotionless person that she was said to be, this Rei was fully out of control, at times exploding with anger, screaming curses and profanities and death threats so detailed that they seemed less threats as they were expressed intentions that she would have carried out were she able. Other times she would collapse into a blubbering mess, wailing and pleading for forgiveness. Other times she would enter into a catatonic state, seeming to retreat within herself and not respond to any stimuli whatsoever. And still others times she would sink into a full depressive state, unable to respond with anything more than a few whispered, one-word answers, while frequently asking for death.

Certainly, the tapes of Rei’s sessions were disturbing, and to this day no one seems to know what to make of them. Is she truly the monster that she’s made out to be? An innocent victim? Nothing on those tapes seemed to indicate either way.

However, Dr. Anno of London-2 University seems to have what I feel to be the most likely answer. Rei was someone who grew up as an incomplete person. With half of her soul locked away in a gigantic bio-mechanical abomination, she was kept from experiencing the full range of human emotions, and thus never learned how to control her feelings when those emotions were returned to her. She then spent the next fourteen years thrust into a harrowing survival situation, where her only two points of human contact weren’t exactly the finest examples of emotional stability either.

However, as different as the three pilots’ reactions to their interrogators were, there is one thing that united all three: a fervent, almost desperate concern for the well-being of the other two. Rei was the most overt, with her episodes of rage especially largely spent demanding to see Shinji and Asuka and making graphic threats should any harm befall them, but Shinji and Asuka also frequently pleaded to be reunited with each other and Rei. It is clear that whatever their relationship had been during their time actually piloting the Evangelions, the fourteen years that they had spent together had formed an extremely close bond.

What followed next, we all know. Shinji and Asuka’s capture was made public, with no mention of Rei. Those two were then put on trial before the UN Council and found guilty, with the last time that the world saw them was them being led through a jeering crowd toward the waiting transports. And from there, they were to be taken away, never to see the light of day again.

However, we now know that the trial was, at least in part, a façade. An act. Almost a stage play. A deal had been struck with Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley: take the fall for the Third Impact, and you will be reunited with Rei. And then the three of you will be taken somewhere safe to live out your days in peace. The world needed a scapegoat, and it was to be them. Naturally, they agreed.

At this point, the tide had fully turned in favor of the unfairly maligned Evangelion Pilots. Even Rei was starting to be treated with some measure of sympathy. But it was what happened next that fully won over people’s hearts.

As I said, we all have the image of Shinji and Asuka being led away from the trial burned into our minds. The sorrow on Shinji’s face and the resentment on Asuka’s. The featureless helmets of their bodyguards. The trash flying through the air, hurled by the angry crowd. But what nobody knew until now was what happened when they reached their destination, and when they were finally reunited with Rei.

The nature of the relationship between Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley has, like everything else about them, been hotly debated, though it has been commonly accepted that they were lovers. And it was this moment that definitively proved that assertion, but with a new wrinkle: not only were Shinji and Asuka romantically tied, but Rei was equally involved with both of them.

It feels horribly gauche to comment on such an intimate moment, especially since it was no doubt intended to be private, but I feel that it was this moment that the world fully realized how cruel those grossly exaggerated portrayals in our media have been. These were not monsters. These were not villainous masterminds. These were people. People that loved one another, people that were willing to shoulder the blame for history’s greatest tragedy in order to protect one another, people that gave up everything just to be with each other. Yes, they had done terrible things, and yes, they should bear that responsibility. However, it is now clear that they are far from the monsters that history has deliberately painted them out to be.

But of course, it was not enough to completely upend everything that we had thought that we had known the Eva Pilots. It was not enough to smack us with the truth of Rei’s existence or her humanity. We were then confronted with perhaps the strangest revelations of them all.

And that was that the Evangelion Pilots were almost certainly still alive.

One hundred and twelve years have passed since Third Impact, and though people living past a hundred is not unheard of, it is still exceptionally rare. However, even before the leaks, people have pointed that despite the fourteen-year gap between Third Impact and the pilots’ capture, Shinji and Asuka still looked fourteen, when they ought to be in their late twenties. Was this the result of piloting an Evangelion? Some Faustian deal made with Lilith? A result of NERV’s experiments, perhaps?

Whatever it was that kept their youth, it persisted even after their incarceration. Shinji, Asuka, and Rei lived on under the watch of the United Nations for another eight years, and none of them so much as aged a day. What is more, tests ran on the pilots showed that their cells lacked any sort of molecular decay. Quite the contrary, their bodies stalwartly resisted any sort of damage at all. Any wounds were swiftly healed, any diseases immediately snuffed out, with even complete brain death being nothing more than a temporary inconvenience. A rather disturbing but revealing file revealed that all three pilots had attempted suicide a number of different times during the first few years following Third Impact, with Rei Ayanami especially taking painstaking notes on the various methods that she employed and their effectiveness, which was none. There was some speculation as to whether this strange regeneration would persist in the face of total disintegration, but no one was willing to give the go-ahead to check.

Regardless, the case was clear. Whether it be an undeserved blessing or an ironic curse, the three Eva pilots had been afflicted with some sort of immortality, frozen forever in time from the moment of Third Impact. As such, despite the decades since, they are no doubt living today, unchanged from those historical photos.

Unfortunately, there seems no way to actually check, as they are very much gone. As stated before, eight years into their incarceration, they simply vanished without a trace. A thorough, yet discrete investigation into the matter took place, during which a conspiracy sympathetic to the pilots’ plight was uncovered, with a number of UN staffers close to the pilots found to be complicit. However, no one could say where the pilots were now, as their point of release was known only to a small few, and deliberate effort was made not to keep track of them after they had been released.

Which means that Shinji Ikari, Asuka Soryu Langley, and, perhaps most unsettling, Rei Ayanami, the three most controversial figures of the last century, are currently loose somewhere in the world. Perhaps they are wandering the forests of the Americas, the deserts of Africa, or perhaps even returned home to Japan. Perhaps they took on new names, disguised their appearances, and are now living in some suburban home somewhere, or returned their old life from before incarceration and joined one of the many refugee camps in one of the cities slow to recover. They could be in a small Swedish village, in a cabin in the Australian outback, in a treehouse in the Amazon jungle, or any one of the literally millions of other points on the map.

Naturally, there has been much talk about finding them again, some wishing to make amends and publicly make up for the blame that they had been forced to shoulder, others feeling that they still had not repaid their debt to society and should be returned to imprisonment. And there are still others that do not care for either side, but instead insist that they remain a clear and present danger, that more was changed about them than granting them eternal life, that they are inhuman monsters fully capable of ending the world again and need to be stopped. But whatever the motive, something almost everyone agrees on is that they do need to be found.

And I am here to offer up a dissenting opinion. Regardless of whether you love them, hate them, feel bad for them, or feel threatened by them, the Evangelion Pilots should be left alone. This, I feel, would be best for everyone.

Whenever the exploits, positive or negative, of the pilots are brought up, there seems to be a sort of hierarchy to the degree each one is discussed. Shinji seems to be the one brought up the most, as he is still unquestionably the trigger-man of Third Impact. Asuka comes next, given everyone’s complicated feelings toward her and her swaths of supporters. After that is Rei, who, even before her survival was discovered, still occupied a very contentious place in history as the monster who directly ended the world. And then there is Kaworu Nagisa, perhaps the greatest enigma of them all, a half-Angel/half-human artificial being like Rei, created specifically by SEELE as a countermeasure to any possible treachery on NERV’s part, but was killed by Shinji Ikari before his plans could come about, and yet seems to have played as vital a part in Third Impact as Rei, but by the same token, apparently did not see resurrection like she did.

But there is a fifth name that is often forgotten in those discussions, a fifth Evangelion Pilot. And that is none other than Touji Suzuhara the Fourth Child.

It is not that Touji is totally unknown, but he exists in the public consciousness as a sort of footnote, a trivia question at best. Though he was selected as a pilot and given an Evangelion of his own, his Evangelion became possessed by Bardiel, the Thirteenth Angel, during its first test run, leading to its destruction. And though he survived, Touji was critically injured in the process, and with no Evangelion to pilot, he quietly left the program to fade out of history.

In a way, Touji was perhaps the luckiest one of them all. The early destruction of his Evangelion protected him from having to participate in the mentally harrowing battles against the Angels, and he was spared of being an active participant in Third Impact. Even afterward, he was part of the first wave of people to emerge from Instrumentality, even reuniting with most of his family and many of his friends, going on to live about as full of a life as one could in those desolate circumstances. And while the tides of history have mostly washed over him, some effort was made to locate him. During Shinji and Asuka’s trials, once it was discovered that he was among the refugees recovered from Tokyo-3, there were multiple news outlets attempting to seek him out for interviews. However, they were far too late, as he and his family were long gone.

And I know all of this, as Touji Suzuhara was my great-grandfather.

I have very little memory of Touji. Though he lived much longer than most, he at least was spared the immortality that afflicted the other pilots and passed away when I was six, and what little I do recall about him paints a picture of a quiet, reserved old man. However, in interviewing various members of my family, I was told of someone who made every effort to flee his past but was unable to fully shake its shadow. I heard stories of bullying and harassment in those early refugee camps, of the other survivors trying to blame him and his family for what had happened, much as Shinji and Asuka would be publicly blamed later. It got to the point that as soon as they were rescued and carried away from Tokyo-3, his whole family changed their names and fled, disappearing into a still-chaotic world to find a place where nobody knew them.

In time, they succeeded, eventually settling in Austria. Though they had nothing and did not even know the language, that mattered little as very few of their neighbors had much either, and they were far from the only immigrants wandering in. There, they were able to blend in, carving out a niche for themselves and building something resembling a life, and no one ever discovered their connection to history’s so-called greatest monsters.

But even so, my great-grandfather never forgot. Though he never neglected his family and tried his best to provide for them, everyone that I spoke to made him out to be a broken man, someone who had lost the light in his eyes, who would smile very little and always seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. It was forbidden to speak to him of the time before Third Impact, and the very few times he did talk of it, it was from the viewpoint of someone who never truly left Tokyo-3, haunted by ghosts.

Touji might have been forgotten by history, but he bore his scars. Unfair blame was placed upon my family’s shoulders for what had happened, and we know all too well what it is like to be made scapegoats by the those who need someone to blame for their suffering. And though I have never met Shinji Ikari, Asuka Soryu Langley, or Rei Ayanami, and know about as much about them as everyone else, I at least have some measure of understanding of how unfairly they’ve been characterized. And I am sure that they desire validation about as much as they deserve further condemnation, which is to say, not at all. As such, I feel that the kindest thing to do would be to just let them be. Wherever they are, leave them alone to seek their own peace. Because I assure you, they have paid for their sins in full. They pay every day, remembering their part in the previous world’s death.

And to those who still think them a threat, who still believe that they possess the power to once again end the world despite no evidence to back that up, consider this: they have had ample opportunity and reason to wield that power, and yet never have. As such, perhaps it would be best not to provoke them?

No matter how you feel about the Evangelion Pilots, I see little that can be gained by seeking them out. They have taken more than their fair punishment, and would likely shun any reward. And as the descendant of one of their number, I say, let my great-grandfather’s companions be and move on. We have all suffered enough.

[bau-drabbles]

hello!! 💗 how about red carnation for reid? can be happy or sad whichever one you’d like 💗

baby 🥺 thank u for asking my sweet, this is sad :) <3 i didn't proof read, sorry about the mistakes

red carnation: a moment of yearning 

"the wait will be around 15 minutes, one of the machines have broken" the employee smiled apologetically and you shook your head, giving her a small smile back.

"that's okay, thank you" you nod as you head to wait. the cafe was calm and you relish in the peace, enjoying the peace for a moment. you don't register someone else has entered until they speak and it immediately pulls your attention away from your phone. and you regret it as soon as you make eye contact

there spencer reid stood, he looked well. happy. content, even. in the arms of his new beau, he looked different. your cheeks burn as you look away, hoping he was all but a cruel mirage your mind was conjuring up.

and then you hear him speak for the first time in weeks. it had felt like a familiar touch, a familiar sound. a familiar scent to have them flood back into your brain all at once. the low baritone of his voice caressed your senses.

his laughter blew through you and you felt yourself catching your breath. it was beautiful as you had remembered it to be. full of warmth, sincerity and love. he was standing there, really and truly standing there.

and you could've gone to say hi, gave him a smile but you remain rooted in the same position. there's another woman hanging off from him, another person in your place holding him as you did before. you pray your coffee comes quickly moving a little forwards to stay away from spencer sight.

"oh sorry-" "it's okay" you give a half smile, moving a little away until reid stands a couple feet away. he locks eyes with you and it feels like you're heart has fallen all the way to the deepest depths of earth. for a second, you remember all the memories that you had tried your utmost hardest to bury. the memories that had you weeping in the early morning, wondering why you could never be good enough for him.

how odd it felt to have been in her position a mere few months ago, to have held and kissed spencer in the same places she did. to had held his hand, stroked his face, cuddled him where she did. how easily he had moved on and how painful it was for you to even consider dating again.

it was getting hard to breathe and yet you couldn't look away, fighting every single urge in your body to throw your arms around his neck and sob into his chest. it feels like a lifetime ago when he used to embrace you with such a tenderness, it healed your heart almost immediately relieving it of all it's burdens. and now it felt like everything was slowly becoming undone.

spencer's face is still, unreadable and stoic, observing every little detail about you. watching you. you hated how well he could simply know what you felt but a glance. it's almost like he's wearing a mask, to a normal person he looks cold. but to you, having known and dated him for years, you know what he means.

yet in his eyes the turbulent sea churns beneath. the waters ready to drag you from the surface, plunging you in to the darkness that lay just below. his gaze lingers briefly upon your lips, slowly following the arch of your mouth��grazing your cheekbones before they finally meet yours.

your breath catches in your throat as his exterior melts piece by piece, softening just for you. you see his truth, you see that it is painful for him as much as it had been for you. you see the farce he's continuing for the sake of having a routine, to make life a little easier. but its not working, nothing is. you were the thing that made his world go around and now that you've gone, it's stopped in it's tracks. awaiting you once more.

all you both can do is look, the what ifs and if only growing bigger by the second. suffocating you both under the dreams you had planned together. dreams that will remain that way, locked and hidden to protect your sanity and peace. dreams that could never see the light of day ever again, they didn't exist without spencer. and he was no longer yours to have anymore.

still, your hands ache to touch him, to feel his soft skin underneath the pads of your fingers. for your lips to graze his cheeks once more, to feel his curls just once more. love doesn't really go away, you learnt. it manifests itself in different ways but it never really disappeared. it was all still there, the adoration you held for him.

perhaps the blaze didn't ignite as it once did but the embers were still burning deep within. all he had to do was fan the flames, to have the fire roaring for him once more. maybe if he had said something, maybe if you had spoken first things would've been different.

instead you smile at the employee, taking your coffee in your hand and turning around. never once looking back on spencer reid. but despite the distance between you both, it would never be enough. he was yours and you were his.

maybe in a different life, you both would've finally got your happy ending afters together like you dreamed of

[teaberrii]

Chapter 17: The Fiancée

After ending a five-year relationship, you pour all your energy into work. Your latest assignment? Staying at a popular bed-and-breakfast to gather information. It should be a piece of cake... If only the owner isn't the man you scolded on the street.

Jing Yuan/You

Notes:

Cross-posted on Ao3

Female reader

Chapter index at the end of chapter one

You part ways with Welt and Pom and quickly return to your cabin. You've just turned on the lights when Kafka picks up her phone.

“I didn’t think you’d still be up,” she says.

“Just goes to show how much this is keeping me awake.”

A soft chuckle. “Did I send you there to become a private investigator or to do market research?”

With a small smile, you say, “Why not both? Anyway, what did you find?”

"There was a meeting with the stakeholders and some of the higher-ups of the company. I briefly mentioned the project that involved Caelus and… I got an interesting response, to say the least."

"Why is she fixated on a failed project?"

Kafka slightly turned to one of the directors who spoke. Was it just her, or did he sound defensive?

"Let me clarify," Kafka said. "It was something that she came across while doing her job. I think it's inevitable that this would come up. Finding out why that project failed would be a step forward in ensuring this project is a complete success, which is what we want, isn't it?"

The room went silent.

"There's no specific reason why that project failed except that he wasn't willing to work with us."

“But, all of us know what happened to the owner,” Kafka said.

The director who'd spoken frowned. "Let's not get off track, shall we?"

"I hate to say it, but it's hindering our progress. It's something we have to face. She says that the people of Xianzhou are still attached to what happened. The hostility is still prevalent. There's a lot of speculation about Star Rails's involvement in what happened to Caelus. Unless we clear the air about what happened, it's—"

“We aren’t the ones to talk to,” a stakeholder interrupted. “And if this is all she’s found so far, I question if she’s really doing her job. Our customers aren’t the locals. While having their support would be nice, it’s not a requirement.”

“That’s quite a different stance from before.”

Kafka held his cold stare before another director changed the topic.

“It’d make more sense for them to cooperate if they had nothing to do with the situation,” you say.

"Which is why I went to do a little digging." Then, you hear a couple of mouse clicks. She says a man's name, one that you don't recognize. "He was the one getting all defensive at the meeting, but based on records, he would've been the 'big boss,' the one in complete control of the project with Caelus. He was in a quiet family scandal a long time ago."

"Quiet family scandal? How did you find that out?"

"You weren't at the company yet, but someone had sent a message to everyone at the company that his wife was involved in an affair with a man who was also in the hospitality business. It was dismissed as a nasty rumour meant to smear his reputation. But there was also speculation that it was meant to garner sympathy since he was a candidate for a promotion... which he got considering he's in the role right now."

You remember the story that Jing Yuan’s ex told you about:

"He made a convincing case that Caelus's father once had a mistress and got her pregnant, and Caelus and Stelle were born out of that affair."

“How… How long ago was this?” you ask. “Just curious.”

"Oh, it was like… years and years ago. Twenty years, at least."

“Did they ever find the person who sent that message?”

"It was an employee who said he got a tip from someone anonymous. He got fired, of course. Why do you ask?"

"There was a story that Caelus's father once had a mistress. She got pregnant with Caelus and his twin sister, Stelle. Caelus's uncle was the one who knew about it. It just made me think, well, what are the odds that this director, whose wife was involved in a cheating scandal, was the big boss of the project Caelus was involved in?"

You lean back on the couch. It's your logic, but even you have difficulty processing it. This has to be a coincidence. However, if this is what you think it is, then people are absolutely terrible.

“Let’s sleep on this for now."

By the time you end the call with Kafka, it’s almost midnight. You’re looking at the ceiling with your arms on either side, wondering if you’re finally seeing where this all began.

◆◆◆

The next morning, you have plans to see Jing Yuan later in the day. For the time being, you head out for an early morning run, not expecting to bump into Dan Feng, who just stepped out of Luocha's clinic.

“Early morning run? The three of us should go together next time.”

“Three of us?”

“Yeah. You, me, and Jing Yuan. It’ll be a family activity.”

You almost roll your eyes, and Dan Feng smiles. You glance at Luocha's clinic, bustling with visitors. "Were you getting a check-up?" you ask.

“...No.”

You slightly narrow your eyes. “What’re you hiding?”

Dan Feng puts a hand over his heart. “You hurt me, Mother. Why would you think I’d hide anything?”

“Oh, I don’t know… Maybe it’s ‘cause you’re holding something that looks like painkillers.”

Dan Feng glances at the small bag of medicine he’s holding. He awkwardly scratches his head. “Yeah, okay, I can’t talk my way out of this one.”

“Are you okay? Did you get injured?”

“...My shoulder’s been acting up.” Before you can ask, he says, “But, I’m fine.”

You don’t have a choice but to take his word for it.

Then, you hear March say your name, and you turn and see her walking up to you with two drinks. "What's up with today? I just saw Jingliu and Dan Heng together a few minutes ago.” She hands Dan Feng a drink.

"So, that's where that kid ran off to this morning," Dan Feng says flatly, taking his drink. "He's been sneaking around recently."

“Oh, you’re exaggerating,” March says, rolling her eyes. Then, she looks at you. “Looks like Mom is out for a morning run.” She nudges you. “How are you and Jing Yuan, by the way? Has anything… happened yet?”

"What is that supposed to mean?" you ask with a chuckle.

Dan Feng coughs. "I'm still here, you know."

You're walking back to the bed and breakfast with March and Dan Feng when you say, "Hey, um, do you two know anything about Caelus and Stelle's mother?"

“She passed away,” March says. “When they were really young. Why?”

"There was a rumour that Caelus and Stelle were born out of an affair." March almost chokes on her drink. "And if this is true… Well, it'd be a step forward."

"An"—March coughs twice—"affair?!"

Dan Feng grabs March's wrist and pulls her back before she walks onto the road where a car zooms by.

“I guess you didn’t know about it,” you say.

"I most certainly didn't." She nudges Dan Feng. "Did you?" When he remains silent, she asks, "Why're you so quiet?"

The light turns green, and the three of you cross the street. "I just… I remembered something that Dan Heng said. Not sure if it's completely relevant to what we're talking about, but…"

Dan Feng pushed the locker room open. He'd just taken off his shirt, ready for a nice hot shower, when he heard his brother talking to someone. They had stayed late to train, so there shouldn't be anyone left in the locker room. Dan Feng walked further and saw his brother standing in front of their lockers. He was on the phone.

“...Stelle, calm down,” he said. “It must’ve been a mistake. Did you ask them to double-check?”

Dan Feng couldn’t make out her reply.

“...Okay.” Dan Heng turned and was a little surprised when he saw his brother. “...Yeah. Talk to you soon.”

Once Dan Heng got off the phone, Dan Feng asked, "Is Stelle okay? What happened?"

“She’s at the hospital.”

“Why? What for?”

“She wasn’t feeling well and went to the hospital for a check-up. They took some blood tests and…”

“...And?”

“Oi! Is anyone still in here? We’re closing up!”

"...It's like ending on a cliffhanger," March says. "So, he never told you, and you never asked again?"

"He later said she was fine, so I didn't ask about the details."

At the bed and breakfast, you see Jing Yuan talking to another man dressed in a casual suit. They shake hands, and the man gets into a taxi.

March watches the car drive off and then turns to Jing Yuan. “Lookin’ spiffy there, my man.”

"You're right on time," Jing Yuan says, taking your hand. Then, he notices the bag of medicine Dan Feng is holding. "Did you go see Luocha this morning?"

“Yeah. It’s, uh, it’s for my back.”

March makes a fist and lightly coughs into it, and Dan Feng shoots her a look.

“...Is something going on?” Jing Yuan asks, glancing between his two friends.

“Nah. Don’t worry about it.”

Jing Yuan looks at you. “Have you told them yet? About Caelus’s uncle being in town?”

“What?"

March and Dan Feng's simultaneous reply makes them glance at each other. Then, March asks, "Why in the world is he here?"

“We don’t know,” you say. “It’s also what we’re trying to figure out.”

“...Why is everyone gathered out here?”

“Oh, look who decided to show up,” Dan Feng says, turning to his brother. “Where’s Jingliu?”

Dan Heng walks up beside him. "Something came up."

March sighs. “Caelus’s uncle is back in town. Did you know?”

“...Yeah. Jingliu and I saw him at the restaurant yesterday.”

"What?"

Again, Dan Feng and March glance at each other. Then, she sighs. "I don't know if I should be surprised or what anymore…"

“Let’s talk inside,” Jing Yuan says, nodding towards the stone villa.

Soon, all of you are sitting on the sofas inside. Pom comes in with a tray with cups of tea for everyone and then sits on the last empty seat.

“I hereby start this meeting to discuss the big question,” Pom says, “What the hell are we going to do?”

March picks up a pink cup. “That’s one heck of a question, Pom.” She sips her tea.

“...Let’s start smaller, shall we?” Jing Yuan says. “Does he being here have anything to do with Caelus?”

“Probably not,” Dan Heng answers, and everyone turns to him.

“Why do you say that?” March asks.

“He’s here because of Jingliu.” March almost drops her cup. “He’s here to convince her to make a business deal.”

“Oh, God,” Dan Feng mutters. “Here we go again…”

You remember the man and the woman you saw at her gym the other day. “Were those people we saw at her gym involved with him?”

Dan Heng nods. “She didn’t accept their offer.”

"...So, he couldn't take no for an answer and decided to show up to try to convince her?" March asks. Then, she makes a disgusted face. "Ugh. Clingy men are the absolute worst."

“He might be here for Jingliu,” Jing Yuan says, “But… There might be another reason.”

Jing Yuan dropped Yanqing off at Clara’s house for her birthday party, and he was on his way to bed and breakfast when he got a call. He glanced at the number and took it via Bluetooth.

“I didn’t think I’d hear from you again,” Jing Yuan said sarcastically.

“Oh, trust me, Jing Yuan, I wouldn’t call you if I didn’t have to.” Jing Yuan’s car came to a stop at a red light. “Tell me, is your girlfriend still playing detective and investigating what happened to Caelus?”

“Don’t tell me you called just to ask me that.”

“Look, I don’t know how much she already knows. But, out of the goodness of my heart, it’s best to leave things in the past where they belong.”

"...Or, are you afraid we're getting closer to the truth?"

“The ‘truth’ that all of you are desperately pursuing… It won’t do anyone any good, especially your girlfriend who still works at Star Rails. You’d only be hurting her and her career. Think about it.”

Then, the line went dead.

“...Leave things in the past where they belong, huh?” Pom says quietly.

"Doesn't this mean he's just scared?" March asks. "He has something to do with what happened to Caelus, and he's framing it so we're the ones who'll get hurt if it gets out."

You look at Dan Heng. “Hey, there’s something I’d like to confirm.” After telling him about the possibility of Caelus and Stelle being born out of an affair and what Dan Feng told you about Stelle, you ask, “Do you remember what Stelle called you about that day? Why was she anxious?”

“...It had to do with her blood type.”

“Her blood type?” March asks.

“It didn’t match what she was told.”

“You’re at the hospital?” Dan Heng asked, eyes slightly wide.

“...I’m fine, Dan Heng. It’s just a check-up.”

Dan Heng had his suspicions. When Stelle had told him about her new friends, Dan Heng was happy that she was getting used to life in the city. They were all from broken families, apparently. But when he noticed changes in her behaviour and how she was “coping well”, something didn’t sit right with him. She’d reassured him that she wasn’t doing anything dangerous, and Dan Heng, who had his problems to worry about, didn’t have a choice but to take her word for it.

“Anyway, that’s… That’s not what’s important,” Stelle said.

“Then, what is?”

“When she got her blood tests back, her blood type was different from what she had always known.”

“That doesn’t sound like something to panic over,” Dan Feng says, raising a brow.

“I thought so, too,” Dan Heng says. “She started going on about how she heard from Caelus that their mother might’ve been someone else. I didn’t really take her seriously because…”

“...You thought it was the drugs talking.” Dan Feng says.

Jing Yuan puts down his cup of tea. "Let's try piecing together what we have so far. They were told their mother died when they were very young. At some point, Stelle had to know her parents's blood type for whatever reason. Caelus's father lied or got it wrong."

"...And if she had her suspicions, the blood test might've confirmed them," you say. 

“Aren’t we getting a little off track?” Pom asks. “Does this woman have something to do with all of this? Or even Caelus’s uncle?”

“She might,” you say. Then, you tell them about what Kafka told you.

“Wait. Hang on a darn minute.” March takes a small moment to gather her thoughts. “The wife of a director at Star Rails was the mistress?”

“...And out of spite… revenge… or whatever it was,” Pom says, “the director decided to take it out on the children like… twenty years later?”

"He probably didn't know children came out of the affair," Dan Heng says, sighing. "Until much later."

"Three guesses as to who fed him that piece of information," Dan Feng says flatly. "Caelus's motherfucking uncle must have told him! I mean... The dude must've known that his brother had a side chick and everything. Maybe he pieced together the puzzle and then served the information to our big, bad director on a silver platter."

March’s shoulders fall. “Angry and annoyed… Our big, bad director probably wanted to ruin whatever they had.”

"Caelus's uncle would be able to fulfill his motives as well," you say. "...Whether that'd be getting some control over Caelus's hotel, money, or pressuring his nephew to do the unthinkable."

“And then they hatched a plan which got Jing Yuan’s ex involved… and… Augh!” Pom frowns. “My head hurts.”

“...But we still need some kind of proof that they did it with the intent to harm,” you say quietly.

"Also, if this is true…" Dan Heng looks at you. "Then, the warning he gave to Jing Yuan… It's real. This director could possibly fire you."

“Yeah, but he’d have no reason to, right?” March asks. “She, well, us… We just know about it. To fire her because of something she knows? That’s suuuper suspicious.”

“It'd be proof that everything we just speculated was true," Jing Yuan says.

“But, how well will that hold in court?” Dan Feng asks.

You sigh. “Truth be told… I don’t even know if I want to go back anymore.”

"...I don't mean to raise more questions," Pom says, and everyone turns to him. "But… What happened to the woman? One is the mistress, right? So, Caelus's dad was married or was in a relationship with another woman. What happened to her? None of us have ever met her."

“Should we put up missing posters?” Dan Feng asks in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Suddenly, March’s stomach growls loudly.

“Sorry… All this thinking got me hungry.”

Dan Feng stands. “We think better on a full stomach anyways.”

March innocently looks at Jing Yuan. “Is it the boss’s treat?”

He gives her a look but finally says, "Fine. Just this once."

March fist pumps the air. As she, Dan Feng, and Pom head out, Dan Heng walks up to Jing Yuan.

“...Hey, do you have a minute?”

You and Jing Yuan glance at each other, and you walk ahead as the two men stay behind.

◆◆◆

You, March, Pom, and Dan Feng are sitting at a table when Jing Yuan and Dan Heng arrive.

“What were you two talking about, hm?” March asks.

“Nothing,” Dan Heng says.

Dan Feng, with his elbows on the table, slightly leans forward. “What’s with you and secrets lately, huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You randomly disappeared this morning, and it turns out you were with Jingliu,” Dan Feng says. “You also didn’t join us for dinner the other day.”

“Did you and Jingliu have dinner together?” you ask, half-jokingly.

“We did.”

Everyone, except Jing Yuan, looks at Dan Heng. Dan Feng and March are the ones who look the most surprised.

March scoots her chair closer. "So… It was like… a date?"

“Is it that surprising?” Pom asks.

“Oh, well, it’s just… I’ve never imagined her going on a date with anyone.”

“Speaking about secrets,” Dan Heng says, looking at his brother. “I’m not the only one with something to hide.”

“Hey, man, I ain’t secretly going on dates.”

“I believe he’s talking about your shoulder,” Jing Yuan says.

March nudges her friend. “I told you the others would find out sooner or later,” she mutters. She looks at Jing Yuan. “But, how’d you know?”

“The painkillers.”

“Ah…”

Dan Heng looks at his brother. “...I overheard you and March in the bathroom.”

Pom looks from March to Dan Feng and back to March. “Um… Why were you two in the bathroom together?”

“Because someone dragged me in there,” March says, frowning.

“That raises more questions than answers,” you say.

“Anyway"—Jing Yuan looks at Dan Feng—“...How’s your shoulder?”

“Not bad. Nothing to fuss over.”

“What about your training?” Pom asks. “Don’t overdo it!”

"...Yeah… Well… about that… I…" Dan Feng sighs. "I'm going to drop out of the Games." The silence is brief before he says, "Gosh, don't go all silent on me. It's awkward!"

March puts down her fork. “You… You mean that, right? You aren’t just saying it to get everyone to stop worrying.”

“Would I lie to you, dear March?”

“Then… That means you’ll go through with the surgery, right?”

“Surgery?” Pom asks, eyes widening. “It’s that bad?”

“...Yeah,” Dan Feng says quietly. “I’ll go through with the surgery.”

You watch as March leans over to give him a tight hug.

“I’m so proud of you!”

“Get off me, March,” he deadpans but gently pats her back.

“This must’ve taken a lot of courage,” Jing Yuan says, and everyone turns to him. Then, he smiles. “But, it’s a wise choice.”

Just as March lets him go, Pom says, “I think so, too. Health should always come first!”

“Have you decided on a date?” you ask.

"Not yet. The sooner, the better, I suppose…"

“...Perhaps I’ll be your rehab trainer,” Dan Heng says.

“Is that a joke?” Dan Feng asks. “You’d be too busy training.”

Pom looks back and forth between the brothers. “...My confession senses are tingling.”

Dan Heng puts down his chopsticks. “I’ve been thinking about going into sports psychotherapy.”

“Really?” March asks. “Wait… What sparked this decision?”

“I think it suits you,” you say.

“...So, you’re going to give up?”

Everyone looks at Dan Feng, and March asks, “Hey, why so serious? I think it suits him, too.”

“You can still compete," Dan Feng says, ignoring her. "This might be your last chance of getting another gold."

“...And what would be the point of that?” his brother asks calmly.

“I want to compete but can’t. You can compete but won’t.”

“Now, now…” Pom cuts in before things can take a turn for the worse. “Let’s finish eating, shall we? The food’s getting cold.”

◆◆◆

After lunch, everyone breaks into pairs and heads back to the bed and breakfast. March and Dan Feng take the lead while Pom keeps Dan Heng company. You and Jing Yuan are a little behind the others. You've noticed that the brothers haven't really spoken since that conversation at the table.

As if reading your mind, Jing Yuan gently squeezes your hand. "...They'll be okay."

“I hope so…” Then, you turn to him. “Was everything okay earlier? Between you and Dan Heng?”

“He was looking for some advice.”

“Advice?” Could it have something to do with the conversation earlier?

"...He wanted to know the best way he could support Jingliu without being nosy."

"Caelus's uncle must be giving her trouble," you mutter.

Jing Yuan sighs. "I wouldn't be surprised if he is."

"...Speaking of him… Herta's friend reached out to me, and I got some new information."

“Oh?”

Then, you tell him about the man and the sister.

“They were friends with Caelus's uncle. I don’t know what I’ll get out of them, but I think it’s worth asking if they knew about anything that was happening with Caelus or maybe even the rumours and what Caelus’s uncle was planning.”

“It doesn’t seem like they have a motive to hide anything,” Jing Yuan says.

“Right?”

“The more information we have, the better.”

"I think so, too. I don't know if we'll ever get Caelus's uncle or Star Rails to confess, but if we can get evidence that they did it with malicious intent, we could get people on our side."

“It’d be hard to fight back.” Then, Jing Yuan takes your hand, to your surprise. Both of you stop just shy of turning a street corner. “Now, all of that aside… Would the lovely lady be interested in joining me for dinner at my place tonight?”

“How can I say no?”

"Good. Because there's a new recipe I want you to try. If it's good, it'll be made available to our customers."

“Oh, I get it,” you say jokingly. “I’m just your guinea pig.”

"It's a dessert I made with you as my muse. So, of course, you have to give it the final approval."

Trying but failing to hide your little smile, you ask, “Since when did you have the time for this?”

“When there’s a will, there’s a way.”

“Well, I’ll see you tonight then, General.”

◆◆◆

You know you should focus on work, but your eyes keep wandering to the clock. It's late afternoon, exactly two hours when Jing Yuan's going to pick you up. Your heart's racing out of excitement at the thought of the date, but there's a part of you that cannot leave things hanging. So, you pick up your phone and dial the woman's number.

One ring.

Two rings.

Three rings.

“Hello?”

Looks like luck is on your side.

After briefly exchanging pleasantries and introductions, you tell her why you've called. By the end, you say, "I know he threatened you and your brother, but has it ever got to the extent that he made threats on your life? Or… perhaps he was making comments that made you feel like you had no way out?"

“...You’re asking if he wanted to push us to do the unthinkable.” A pause. “The fallout that he and my brother had was their business. I didn’t have anything to do with what happened between them. Looking back on it now, I shouldn’t have gotten involved.”

"Mind if I ask why you did back then? Surely, something was motivating you to take action for your brother."

“...Out of spite.” You’re about to ask when she says, “...Because he was the brother of the man I dated.”

The brother of the man—

Your eyes widen upon connecting the dots. “Wait… Are you saying you’re—”

“Caelus and Stelle’s father… I was his fiancée when he cheated.”

Chapter 18

End notes: If everything goes according to plan, there should be only three chapters left.

Tag list: @suoshiii @lordbugs @lxry-chxn @seirenspinel @immahuman @queencybow @nqctre @grimreapersscythe @winterpein @asakenajustexistshere

[rubykgrant]

so. Rooster teeth is gone now. Thoughts?

That's both kind of a shock, but also unfortunately not surprising. I haven't really been "in the loop" regarding Rooster Teeth as a whole thing like other people online (I literally never knew anything they did outside of RVB 10+ years ago, except for hearing people vaguely talk about RWBY and Gen:Lock, and even then, I only really saw RVB to begin with because a friend had borrowed the DVDs from their older bro, who had borrowed them from a friend of his). I only randomly remembered RVB was a thing a couple years ago, and then it took over my brain. THEN, one of the more recent incidents of how RT mistreats employees was brought up, and while a lot of people were (sadly) used to hearing about that, I was not aware of previous situations, and it honestly made me very upset. I wrote a whole thing about that, which nobody "important" really saw, because I'm not important myself, but this new situation makes me feel more of the same...

It is awful that so many problems went on for so long, a LOT of people got hurt through working there over the years. They all deserved to be treated better. Being in a bad situation like that can mess up your whole life. That kind of thing also hurts how people work, and surprise-surprise, that hurts WHERE they work. You can't mistreat employees over and over, then turn around and give the fans the equivalent of a slap in the face when it comes to letting them actually enjoy the content, and expect everything to just work out OK. I am genuinely sad that yet another thing is getting shut down; it happens so often, with different studios/creative teams, and it would be nice to actually see a group recognize what their problems have been, make an actual effort to IMPROVE, and continue to exist. I hope all the creative people involved who have been working hard don't just get thrown on the wayside, but it is so difficult to find any stability in the entire entertainment business world right now. There were a LOT of problems at RT regarding how employees were treated, and that includes so MANY people, but there is also a vast amount of problems at just about every creative workplace (and this has been going on for more than a decade). Almost nothing survives, except a handful of companies who basically just "eat" up smaller ones, and have the money to fail or lose money over and over again, and not worry. Who cares if they shut down 10 other studios and end 50 projects that were almost finished? They still have their money. It is also just honestly WEIRD how many different companies keep making the same mistakes with how they offer content to the fans (limiting availability, not even letting people buy the stuff they want to buy, etc. RT has gotten a lot of hate for recent stuff with their online videos, but availability is a whole problem with all kinds of media; Disney won't let you watch it's own movies, Nintendo won't let you play it's own games; it's STUPID), and then being surprised it isn't working. Stop shooting yourselves in the foot. Stop doubling-down on the same nonsense. It isn't WORKING.

Again, it would have been nice to see a negative situation actually be IMPROVED. Maybe that is naively hopeful of me, but I'm also not exactly surprised. I'm just sorry so many people worked on so many different projects, with all their passion, talent, and effort, got mistreated, and it is now all being thrown away. It is just plain sad that so much can go wrong for entirely too many years, and then it just ends without anything being fixed. "Well it sucked, but now it's dead"- it didn't HAVE to suck, and it didn't HAVE to die. I wish it had been better from the beginning, and I wish that things could have gone better throughout. I hope all the creative people are able to keep living their lives and find themselves in workplaces where they can be safe (for their own emotional/mental health, and in terms of making enough money to actually live).

[mieczyhale]

sorry, babes, but you were ratted out by the fuckin wendy's employee

don't hang around and use their phone if you don't want them telling things to the people who call back. i didn't even ask for details, they just shared, so now i know a couple of things were lies. they're relatively small, in the grand scheme of fucking everything to do with your life and my inescapable place in it, but y'know.. if you lied about those things maybe you lied about the big thing too.

i'm not going to just assume you did, because i believe in innocent until proven guilty - or honest until proven lying, and just because you fucked something up doesn't mean you fucked everything up. maybe the story you told me on the phone DID really happen the way you said it did. it's not out of the realm of possibility. but then.. y'know.. not sure why we didn't hear from you until almost 9 PM.

honestly i'm most irritated that you pulled the "i have no one else to help me" "i'm out of people to call" card repeatedly until i said i'd come get you. and then i get there just to find out hm. someone else also called about you and you already left. that was less than 30 minutes after you hung up. now, did i get there a little later than expected?? yeah. but you know to expect that of me. you know what my ocd is like. you could've waited. but apparently you DID actually have other people that could help you. you dragged my ass out of the house, less than an hour after i got home from work, for nothing. you put me through an unnecessary round of rituals. that is.. the rotten cherry on top.

i hope you're okay, and i hope - for your sake - that you can figure out whatever the fuck is going on (maybe.. idk.. get a hold of your fucking parole officer instead of your manipulative ex and your long suffering sibling in law. just a thought) but bitch i'm at my limit with you. again. this is the.. third time this year we've hit that?? it's a fuckin record.

and you know what?? eventually i'll help you again, and i'll defend you again, and i'll be there for you during the moments you'll later claim nobody was there for you, and you'll apologize and i'll forgive you but not entirely because i don't actually forgive that many people, and you'll be okay until you're not, and every day that you're not is somehow up to me to handle and fix because everyone else passed giving up on you awhile ago, and at some point our mental health got tied together so the worse you're doing the worse i'm doing so i can't actually back out entirely without fucking myself over in a different way from how i get fucked over by being involved-

and honestly i also can't back out because i'm the middle man between you and multiple people - two people always, others when they can't get a hold of you themselves or they won't answer you in return - so y'all and your shit communication would be EXTRA shit if you let me out but, despite my efforts to at least change THAT, none of you actually will let me out and thankfully - THANKFULLY - i at the very least have the power to tell certain people to fuck off, because without that i think i'd lose my goddamn mind even more. because we've been doing this for nearly eleven (11) years and unfortunately - unless you actually get your shit together - i can't see this fucking ending.

because i can't turn off the part of me that loves, and cares, and has an insane defend/protect nature, that wants to do everything i can to help the people i love and that includes you.

all of this fucking bullshit. and it still includes you.

but for the moment i am in the part of the pattern where i am so fucking done. i have this so bad it's good beer and a zebra cake and i'm going to read fic and then sleep and if you fucking call me i'm not going to answer bc i've got nothing to say to you right now.

just... nothing.

if you happen to check your tumblr for once and see this and get pissy?? i don't care. the effect you have on my life is very fucking real and i am allowed to talk about it vaguely. it's too big a part of my life for me not to.

[aylacavebear]

Stockroom Antics - Chapter 4

Maria had changed jobs numerous times over the last five years, more to keep herself safe than anything else. Her mother had told her she was a fairy but she thought it was just her mom being weird. Honestly, though, she had no other way of explaining what had happened to her that stormy day before she'd gone into a coma for two weeks.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 2044

Pairing eventually Dean Winchester x OC

Warnings: Angst, Past Car Accident, Past Coma

A/N: This one's written a little differently than my last one. Let me know what you think. It's the first time I've tried this type of writing. Chapters will alternate viewpoints as well. I also looked into an actual area so this one could feel more realistic.

----------------------------------------- Stockroom Antics Chapter 4

Back at the hotel, a half hour later, Sam was sitting at the table, staring at his laptop with Dean sitting across from him, “Well?” he asked, impatiently.

“Huh,” Sam said, somewhat interested.

“Dude, if you don’t spill-” Dean began, but Sam interrupted him.

“That Maria girl you mentioned. She’s worked at almost all the locations or nearby to every demon hit over the last five years,” Sam explained.

Dean raised an eyebrow, “We’ve never questioned her before. Anything weird about her?” he asked.

Sam read through the numerous pages he had up on his laptop, “She was in a car accident, five years ago and a coma for two weeks due to it. The doctors were baffled because she didn’t have a single injury and then just woke up one day,” he explained, then showed his brother pictures from the police report.

The little car she’d been driving looked like a squished tin can. They had to use the jaws of life just to get her out of the driver’s seat. She had been unresponsive even though she was breathing. She had blood on her as if she had been injured but there wasn’t a single scratch on her, baffling the rescue crews and the doctors.

“I’d say that’s our kind of weird,” Dean mumbled.

“She always quit her job before we showed up to question the employees,” Sam told him, glancing over at the case files from the last five years.

“There’s no way in hell that girl is almost forty-five,” Dean said, shocked when he saw her date of birth. She was the same age he was.

Sam looked at him a little puzzled, “What do you mean?”

“She looks like she can’t be more than thirty-two, if that,” he answered, still reading through the page before him.

“Well, we can either go back to her work and pull her aside, question her alone, or just tail her,” Sam suggested.

Dean sighed and slid the laptop back to his brother, “If we go back and question her, it might make things complicated. Let's just tail her for now.”

They changed into regular clothes, jeans, t-shirts, Dean with a flannel, and then both tossed on their jackets before heading to the Impala. They grabbed some fast food from the Burger King across the street from Ross before they found a decent place to park and watch the store. With the windows rolled up, neither of them could smell the sulfur. They saw her come outside and sit down on the ground between two of the columns out front of her store. She seemed to be looking at something on her phone, smiling a bit, biting her lip at others, and even seemed to laugh. 

They both sat forward when she almost seemed to get spooked by something, looking around the area. They too scanned the area and the people that were going about their business. Sam tapped his brother’s arm, then pointed to a couple that were standing almost twenty feet away from her but out of her view. Dean turned to look as well.

“What do you think?” Sam asked.

“They’re definitely watching her. Question is, what are they,” Dean replied, almost quietly, like he was attempting to guess.

“It’s not like we can just go toss holy water on them,” Sam chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little. However, he also knew that they couldn’t use a silver knife on them either, not with them in such a public space. 

“She didn’t see you yet. Go inside and keep an eye on her. She’ll recognize me,” Dean told him.

Sam agreed but had to wait until after she went back inside. The store was a bit busier now. Sam made it a point to walk by every customer in the store, pretending to look at things on the racks and shelves. He and his brother had been hunting long enough to catch the odor of sulfur at a demon possession. 

The phone only rang once before Dean answered, “Three inside, then the two outside. Total four males and the one female,” Sam told his brother, glancing around the store.

“Son-of-a-bitch,” Dean grumbled, “Just, keep an eye on her. They might not do anything in such a public setting.”

They hung up and Dean kept an eye on the two who were outside while Sam kept his eye on the ones inside, as well as on Maria. When he did see her, his brows furrowed in slight confusion. Dean was right, she didn’t look like she was in her forties. He noticed the same things Dean did; she always seemed to be smiling, softly singing along with certain songs that came on the speakers, dancing a little to others, helping customers, and stocking shelves. He may have thought her job somewhat boring but he could see how much she enjoyed doing it.

He watched her and Sarah exchange their goodbyes, waited for her to leave, and then noticed the other demons also heading outside, so he followed. They seemed to mingle with the people outside, blending in. Sam watched her go to her truck, smiling a little at it, as it was nice. Once she began driving away, he made his way to the Impala and hopped in before his brother followed her carefully. In this area, his car stuck out like a sore thumb and he had seen her notice it. The brothers also noticed two other vehicles pull out and follow her. They weren’t sure if they were the demons, as there were a lot of vehicles moving around due to it being five in the evening.

Her truck was one of almost ten vehicles on the stretch of road through Avra Valley. Only once did Dean slide the Impala over a bit to take a peek at her truck but quickly got behind the rig again, not wanting her to see him. The drive was long, taking a half hour. He recognized the area, and how it had barely changed in four months. The small glider port with the feedstore across the street from it, then, closer to her place, the Speedway and Dollar General which looked a little busy. So far, they had managed to stay out of sight of her, still behind the rig, which looked as though it was following her.

They followed her down several more roads, staying behind the rig, which headed to a farm after she turned onto her property. Dean pulled off the road and out of sight of any of her windows. The brothers only vaguely remembered her actual place. When they’d come down for the minor tornado incident, her property hadn’t had much damage to it, only some tree branches that had been blown out of the trees. They hadn’t questioned her then. They noticed a small area around two sides of her place that was fenced in and wondered if she had dogs but never saw any.

There wasn’t much for them to see, not with the kind of place she lived in. It didn’t look like much, not from the outside and they wondered why she still lived there in what looked like a run-down couple of trailers. Sam had his laptop and continued looking into her and anything he could find online. Dean had grabbed the files and was flipping through them, still wondering how they’d managed to never question her before, even when they went through the neighborhoods.

Every time the dogs in the area went off or a vehicle drove past, both brothers looked around, still on high alert. With as noisy as the area was, they had no clue how anyone could feel safe enough to sleep, let alone live there. It wasn’t until it got dark that things only seemed to get worse. The dogs went off more often, even sounding as if they were getting into fights with things, an occasional whimper could be heard too. 

“Dude, this place is nuts. How the hell can she even sleep with all that going on?” Dean stated, looking out the window again.

Sam looked over at one of the neighbor's yards, and noticed three stray dogs antagonizing the dogs in the yard, “Seems there are a lot of strays out here. Then there’s the wildlife, coyotes, bobcats, even a mountain lion from time to time,” he explained, wondering if Dean had done any reading from several of the last case files.

Dean groaned a bit and looked back at her place. Once what he assumed was her bedroom light went out, he noticed them, standing just on the outside of her property.

“Sam, look,” Dean almost whispered as he stared at them through the windshield.

Sam turned his attention to where Dean’s was. It was three of the five demons from her store, just standing there, “Why aren’t they doing anything?” Sam asked, perplexed.

That wasn’t normal demon activity and they both knew it. Demons normally took action when what they were after was alone. The brothers knew that they would have to wait a bit for her to fall asleep at least, not wanting to alarm her when the fighting broke out. So, for now, and for the next hour, they watched the demons, who didn’t move. 

“We only need one to question,” Dean told his brother quietly.

“Guns are already loaded with the devil trap bullets,” Sam replied, just as quietly.

They slowly opened the doors of the Impala, and slipped out, closing them as quietly as they could behind them. The night air was briskly cold, causing the brothers to shiver for a moment as they pulled their guns, keeping them hidden for the moment.

“Hey fellas, nice night for a walk,” Dean told the three demons casually.

“Move on stranger,” the first demon told him, not looking away from her house.

Seeing the focus the demons had, they chose to use it. The brothers walked behind the demons, almost two feet between them. Sam pushed one forward while Dean shot the second one, and Sam shot the third. The first demon, though, had crossed the line of her property and went up in flames, causing all four of them to look extremely surprised.

“If neither of you want to end up like your pal there, start talking,” Dean growled, quickly recovering from his surprise. He could figure out what happened later.

The other two demons looked from the burnt-to-ash buddy and then over at the two brothers, “We’re more worried about what the boss will do to us,” the second demon said confidently.

“Alright,” Sam said, then pushed him over the line of her property, letting the third demon watch him go up in flames and then turn to ash.

Lucky for them, the third demon was in no mood to die, “Fine. I’ll talk… just…. Just don’t kill me,” he begged.

Dean pushed him down on his knees, “Why are you following that girl?” he growled.

“The boss… the boss wants her,” the demon replied.

The brothers shared a look before looking back down at the demon, “Crowley? What does Crowley want with her?” Dean demanded.

The demon was visibly worried, he’d already said too much but he also didn’t want to die. He glanced from the brothers to her property line where the ashes of the other two demons had fallen and closed his eyes for a moment. He sighed and looked back at the brothers, “She’s a Peri,” he replied quietly.

Again the brothers looked at each other. They’d never heard of that particular thing before, “What does that even mean?” Dean growled, wanting more information.

“It’s a fairy kind of creature, with magical powers. I’m sure you can piece the rest together,” the demon replied, knowing that either way, he was dead.

Dean shoved the demon over the line of her property, watching as it went up in flames, and then turned to ash, “Time to do some research. At least she’s safe,” Sam somewhat chuckled.

The two headed back to the hotel, knowing they weren’t going to get much sleep that night, partially wishing they had the books at the bunker. Those always held more information than any internet search they could do.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 5

Link to the series Master List

[covid-safer-hotties]

Kaplan-Myrth: COVID is back, so let's take care of ourselves and others - Published Aug 1, 2024

The numbers are up, and when September rolls around, we will be vulnerable again. Let's not be complacent about protection.

Two weeks ago, I tested positive for COVID-19. Last week, I cancelled patients in my medical clinic because I was too sick to work.

For anyone who is counting, that is my fourth infection. Never from work — even when I see patients who are COVID-19 positive — because I require masks at all times in clinic to keep staff and patients safe. This infection was from an extended family gathering at which we let down our guard.

Article content “A couple at the party tested positive for COVID-19,” my uncle informed me the day after his 70th birthday party. Although I spent most of the time outside on a patio, I ventured inside a few times to see relatives who were more comfortable in the air-conditioning, as did my husband and children, and we forgot to mask. What was meant to be a happy reunion was sullied by each of us, one by one, testing positive.

It is summer 2024, and we are inundated again with sick patients as COVID-19 levels surge across Canada.

We are all sick and tired of COVID-19. I do not want to hear that a patient goes into hospital for surgery and gets COVID-19 pneumonia, or that children or seniors are coughing to the point that they vomit. For some people the symptoms seem milder, but we know that the effects of COVID are cumulative and unpredictable, that it can cause damage to the heart, lungs, brain, vascular and endocrine system, even with mild symptoms, and can lead to serious long-term disability.

Physicians are writing medical notes for leaves of absence for months or years for previously healthy young patients who have brain fog, fatigue or heart arrhythmias and chronic shortness of breath.

Article content Happily, because many people are up to date with their latest COVID-19 vaccine, far fewer are dying from COVID-19 now than early in the pandemic. However, the vaccine does not prevent people from spreading COVID-19, and many people are still highly vulnerable: infants, seniors, people with disabilities, people who are immunocompromised.

COVID-19 is airborne and highly contagious. Ottawa Public Health issued a reminder this week to Ottawans to use “all layers of protection” against it. That includes vaccine (and boosters as appropriate); improved ventilation and use of HEPA filters in workplaces; masking indoors and in crowded outdoor gatherings; use of rapid antigen tests; and avoiding others when contagious. Caution:

Do not to be fooled by false-negative Rapid Antigen Tests (RATs); assume you have COVID-19 if you have close contacts who test positive and/or have symptoms. Swab the inside of your mouth as well as your nose. If possible, retest at day five, seven, and 10, and do not forget that you could be contagious for up to 14 days.

Waste-water testing will continue in Ottawa, thanks to advocacy from public health, but in many places across Ontario and Canada people will have no way to make informed decisions.

Article content Donatemask.ca is a non-profit organization in Canada that helps distribute masks and RATs to those who cannot access or afford them. Unfortunately, workplaces are pushing employees to work at the office, are reluctant to provide adequate medical leave, and encourage people who are sick to return prematurely.

Ottawa Public Health’s 2021 pinned post says, “We’re all experiencing this differently. Don’t compare yourself to others. Don’t compare it to ‘how it was before.’ Just do the best you can, and if that varies from one day to the next, that’s ok.”

When OPH wrote that in 2021, there was still a sentiment that we were “in this together,” although even then we were not doing enough for the most vulnerable. My 2024 caveat: If we set our societal baseline as consideration of the wellbeing of others, then we can accept that individually we will be imperfect.

COVID-19 tearing through the community now is not the end of this. When September rolls around, we will be vulnerable again. So, I gently remind you to use the preventative tools at your disposal to take care of yourselves and each other.

Dr. Nili Kaplan-Myrth is a family physician and Ottawa-Carleton District School Board trustee.

[mariska]

hi queer friends in my phone i hope u have all been having an ok month so far 💖 im sorry i havent been online very much lately, its like 80% just me being forgetful except to hop on my phone app for like ten mins to browse my dash and reblog something and get distracted by another non phone related activity LOL. my bestie Eli is here still until the rest of the month and we finished our rewatch (their first watch, my like......who even knows the specific numbered rewatch) of Avatar The Last Airbender a couple days ago and that was very fun and exciting, it was wild getting to those last few episodes in the final season and just totally getting brought back to being a kid in my head when the show was actively airing on tv and i was sitting in my bedroom exploding from sheer special interest excitement watching the story wrap up on the super small box tv i used to have like 15+ years ago 😭🫡 we haven't started watching Legend Of Korra yet since we just finished ATLA and need to like. take a lil Avatar media break before jumping into another entire finished series fhdhdhsfsshhgd but excited for whenever we start that too!! Eli showed me a fav movie of theirs the other night called Thoroughbreds and i REALLY liked it, fellow toxic yuri enjoyers i truly cannot recommend that one enough those girls have Problems In Abundance and i love that for them and also me.

OH OH OH ALSO on my birthday after we got home from out of house activities we watched that Nic Cage movie 'Dream Scenario' that i've wanted to see so bad since the first trailer for it dropped online a while back, and i am truly not just being dramatic when i say i think that is my favorite movie i've seen this year and it will be Difficult for another movie to win over that 2024 Fav Spot in my mind, it was exactly what i wanted it to be and MUCH MORE LMAOO IT WAS SO GODDAMN FUNNY. very specifically Me And Eli's Kinda Stupid Sense Of Humor throughout the whole run time we were fuckin losing it at every other scene. that was a wonderful lil birthday treat.

also the antique mall we were gonna go to ended up being closed on the day of my birthday so we went to a big mall off-Cape that i like instead and have been to a few other times for past birthdays cus they actually have a bunch of different types of stores with stuff i actually enjoy unlike the more local mall we have here that is 100% dying a slow agonizing Mall Death lmao. went to Build-A-Bear and they had that one bear style in stock that literally just looks like a femme lesbian with the lesbian flag colors and perfect lil eyeliner so i made a Chappell Roan inspired pop star outfit wearing lesbian colored bear (saw someone else online do that a lil while back with the same style i chose so i couldn't resist doing it myself when i saw it was at the store hfsfgsvsgshshdg) and the ppl working there that day were all super chill and friendly and most likely around me and Eli's age or maybe a few yrs younger than us, the person who helped me make my bear specifically was really friendly and fun to talk with cus while we were in there it was pretty much just us and the employees for the majority of the time, he like immediately picked up on me being A Very Obvious Femme Lesbian on account of The Femme Lesbian Bear and also The Very Over The Top Femme Alt Outfit I Was Wearing and we chatted abt being gay and trans while he was stuffing the bear it was such a genuinely sweet and wonderful interaction, he was also autistic and we got to briefly bond over Build-A-Bear being mutual life long autistic special interests of ours and he seemed rly happy to hear that i was turning 27 that day and was still actively wanting to spend birthdays making custom stuffed animals there it was just really great all around 😭💕 also before the mall closed later on we did a quick stop at the FYE store that was there (i always get very excited when i see a still active FYE store anywhere cus it was a childhood fav place of mine to shop but our local mall closed ours when i was a teenager lol) and there was a small stand set up with some ATLA merch and i got a fully functional Momo backpack/crossbody style bag that i am so incredibly psyched about having fjdgedfdhsshfg it is very cute. and anyone who knows me knows i love adding a silly lil functional novelty bag to my collection of silly lil novelty bags. so it will be getting much use from me out in the world

anyways!!! thats pretty much what i've been up to, just figured i would hop on and write a mariska life update so everyone here knows i didnt just like. drop off the face of the earth lol

[tolerateit]

Guess what it's time for in the new year? A shit country update!

So the air traffic control organization in my country, the people that are in charge of planes taking off, landing, and flying over our airspace, had created a couple of job posts hiring new air traffic controllers. However, they made it so the job posts last a shorter time than it's mandated by the government so they could hire via nepotism. Unfortunately, these people who applied for the jobs didn't know what that job consisted of, so when the time came for their knowledge to be tested as part of the hiring process, they left the exam. One of the main people in the organization was so upset that something like this could happen under him that he quit and went to media outlets to tell everyone about it. A bunch of other people who are against hiring via party connections aka nepotism hires also quit the organization, and then there was a press conference to explain what happened. I need to say the whole situation is ethically complicated and explaining it would demand I explain the last couple of decades of the politics here so I'll just gloss over for this story. Anyway, during the press conference, two ethnicities were showing support to the guy talking about the problem with nepotism hiring. That's when an employee in this air control organization belonging to one of the ethnicities used his key card to go inside the building at the airport, along with a bunch of other people, and beat up the employees belonging to his ethnicity because they decided to express support against nepotism hiring. I'm mentioning the ethnicities because some people, high up the flagpole, who belong to that ethnicity, believe a bunch of fucked up narratives about erasing the country they're living in, and tend to work hard to make it happen behind the scenes. It's an oversimplified explanation that will have to do for now. So they believe that they have to "stick together with their own". The situation got reported to the police, and now it turns out the guy in charge of the fight has done this before about a decade ago. But back then the employees weren't smart enough to make copies of the video tapes showing what happened. This time, they were, and now there are tapes. The guy is high up the flagpole in a political party that organized a terrorist attack or two throughout the years (can you tell how shit this country is yet? There are literal terrorists in government). The organization wanted to organize a strike a few times in the last month but they were stopped because of politics. Last night, all these criminals that went in to fight were "called in for questioning" but half of them are on the run. Now instead of a security company protecting and securing the air traffic control building, the police took over, to pretend like they're gonna make it "safer" and the entire organization might be fired next week by the government. The main guy in charge of air traffic control is gonna have a press conference in a few minutes so I'll share if there are any fun updates. But the public's reaction right now is: this should be considered a terrorist attack, because if this happened in any other country, that's how they would treat it, and we should all stop flying through our airports because they're unsafe since they wanna hire people who have no idea what their jobs entail.

A month ago another horrible thing happened unrelated to this that shook the entire country, there was a double murder involving another political higher-up (as in he committed the murders), but the situation still hasn't finished for me to share it in its entirety.

Oh my god. Nepotism and political agenda fucks up so many different sectors it's so frustrating and disappointing

[mayalaen]

I'm way too grouchy today.

I lost $900 today because my family STILL won't double check things.

When I first got covid, I was REALLY sick, and they knew it. My brain wasn't functioning right (still isn't but it's better than it was) and I wasn't double checking out-of-state orders for the shop personally for a couple weeks.

It had been a few months since they sent something out that was obviously paid for with a stolen credit card so I was like okay I'm gonna just step back and take care of myself and let them do their thing. It's a slow time of year anyway in the tattoo industry.

This morning Charlie (my uncle) dropped a letter from the bank off at my door. All four of us handle different things and Charlie does some of the banking stuff (among other things).

The letter was sent out weeks ago but he wasn't getting the mail even though he's supposed to get it no less than once a week.

The bank was notifying me that there was a chargeback on an order.

An $850 machine with expedited shipping, so $900 total.

I checked the order and the shipping address was 1500 miles away from the billing address. The phone number was 2500 miles away from the billing address and in a completely different state from the shipping address.

And the time period for being able to dispute the chargeback ended Friday at 5pm eastern standard time. He gave me the letter (today) Saturday morning. So TFB for me.

I pointed out the address discrepancies and both Charlie and Marissa (his wife) were like yeah but the system didn't flag it as fraudulent!

I said for the millionth time yeah I know. Not every fraudulent order is flagged as fraudulent, otherwise we'd never get scammed and the world would be a wonderful place!

I said, yet again, that I usually check EVERY order that comes in, especially when it's for more than $100.

Just a quick check to see if the billing and shipping addresses are SOMEWHAT close.

They responded with "EVERY ORDER?!!"

What kind of response is this?! Why the fuck would you double check some orders and not others?

And if you ARE going to check some and not others, wouldn't the $900 order with expedited shipping be one of them?!

I wasn't mean about it but I mentioned that I deal with scammers CONSTANTLY. I swear between the IRS requirements for small businesses and scammers, more than half my time working for the shop is spent dealing with bullshit instead of working on my actual shop!

I spent 3 days this past week dealing with a guy who ended up being a scammer. He kept trying to run his card through the online store and it was getting kicked back for nonmatching info.

I was emailing back and forth with him because he sounded like a genuine customer with a bank issue -- it happens sometimes because tattoo supplies are sometimes flagged by banks as unusual.

After three days of no less than an hour a day dealing with him, my bank finally kicked back some useful info -- that the card was issued to a man in the Netherlands while this dude was purchasing from the US.

So yeah. Scammer.

And if I wouldn't have been diligent with it or I had pushed the order through anyway, I would've lost almost $3000 in supplies.

I told Charlie and Marissa this and they reacted like spending this much time on a scam was a completely new idea to them. Like I haven't told them a million times how much time scammers take up.

But you can be sure that at the beginning of next month Charlie's going to be there with his hand out waiting for his pay and will throw a stink if I deduct $900 from his allowance even though the shop pays for my house/living expenses (and my parents) and Charlie's house/living expenses.

It feels like Charlie and Marissa are glorified cashiers (who get paid WAY more than cashiers and only work 30 hours a week) while I'm working no less than 60 hours a week and paying for their fuckups out of my own pocket.

At least you can fire shitty employees 🤬

Of course he immediately turned it around on me and acted like the hurt party in all this to the point where my mom was like "let him know you still love him he had a hard day."

Oh I'm sorry. Did he have a hard day when he found out that the car part he ordered was destroyed during shipping and they're sending a replacement? That's so terrible let me cry for him.

[horizonspurple]

Oh nooo! I had the same problem with my nails breaking but they finally started growing out, tho I don't like having them too long anymore.

I've been dancing ballet for about 8 years now but I recently also got into swing, whuch if you don't know are a group of vintage dances originating from the 20s onwards. I absolutelly love it, they take you into a completely different world and the community is so nice. Definitelly very different from ballet, but I still love ballet, tho I've been slowly lessening the intensity at which I do it.

Your walks sound so cute:) Maybe I should take a page from your book and install pokemon go to motivate me hehe. I definitelly don't go out enough, oopsie. I'm not sure I would say running will become a habit, but I like that I'm proving to myself that I can do it and that it can be enjoyable. And it's so cool you liftt, I have had urges to start but I end up being a bit scared of the new situation.

Also for the question part of this ask: do you ever listen to music during sex? I remembered this one from the list of asks you rebloged. I haven't ever given it thought and then once I did I could not think of what would be something to listen while. Hopefully the ask isn't too invasive, I'm judt curious but of course don't feel like you have to answer it.

-your sleepy anon

Ohh forgot to say I hope you have a nice day:) And yesterday I had a tough day and it honestly made me smile when I saw your response.

Hmm that's fair, long nails can be tricky too

Oohh that is so cool! I always admired ballet dancers, it just looks so elegant Swing sounds fun as well! I'm glad you like the community 😊

Pokemon go for sure was a big motivator for me to go outside more It sounds silly, but a few months ago I went through a bad depressive episode and rarely left the house, but for some reason trying to find new pokemon, collect cute ones and looking for pokestops really helped with going outside more It also started with just tiny 10-15 minute walks, but now I can be gone for over an hour fighting in gyms and catching pokemons It still feels silly to explain to people a game made me walk more, but you know, if it's silly but it works, it's not really that silly I get that! It doesn't have to be or become a habit, but it's great that you have proved that to yourself, so proud of you :) Lifting was for sure scary in the beginning, just the gym, the people, the using weights and machines I still get nervous from time to time but I happen to train at a nice gym with superfriendly employees, I've even had the courage to ask for help a couple times and they were so nice about it

Oohh a question! I do yeah, not always but having music on while having sex or doing naughty things can be very nice or useful! I actually have a sex playlist lmao, although I do need to go through it sometime and remove some songs But it can be nice when you are not home alone to reduce the chance of other people hearing you, it can help set the mood if you have the right music or be useful when you are doing impact play Impact play can be quite loud so having some music can help muffle those sounds Also Daddy sometimes hits me to the beat of the music, which is very funny xD It wasn't an invasive ask at all! Don't worry 😊

Hihi it's okay! I hope you have a nice day as well Ahww really? 🥺 that makes me happyy :)