#a couple of years ago it was very easy but now i find it hard but like...clinically hard | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

margotw10bis · 2 months ago

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The Place Before the Darkness.JJK [m] Part 1

husband!Jungkook x female reader

Genre: angst; fluff; smut; attempt of a thriller

Words: 18.4k

Synopsis: It was love at first sight with your husband but when you find a secret phone in Jungkook's office, everything shatters as you suspect him to have an affair. However, maybe he has deeper secrets...

Warnings: (a lot of) crying (infidelity doubts, lies); violence; unprotected sex; shower sex; oral sex (f. receiving); fingering; inspired by Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Killers

4 Years Ago

You can’t believe Mi-yeon is getting married! You want to laugh when you remember how many times she told you that marriage wasn’t for her. But there she is. And you would have never guessed that she was this romantic — or maybe it’s because of Hoseok, her soon-to-be-husband.

As they wanted to do something special, they have invited their closest friends to Bali. The wedding will take place tomorrow in front of a beautiful beach, as perfect as the numerous romcom you’ve watched. It’s really romantic and you can’t wait to get married too because, even if you don’t really want to admit it, your hopelessly romantic weak heart is all about love and weddings and cheesy things couples can do. Well, you have to find a man first, which is not easy.

After all, you only had one boyfriend, during college. You don’t know much about love despite the hundreds of romance books you have read. But even you know that Prince Charming doesn’t exist… With that thought in mind you sigh and sip on your — delicious — cocktail, hoping at least one day you’ll meet someone kind enough. You don’t need someone extraordinary who has lived a hundred lives before. Just someone who is honest with you, that would be more than enough for you.

But for now, the bar of the hotel is great, just like the rest of the facilities, especially to forget how awfully lonely you are while your friend is getting married. You look around and you try to spot your friends, before you remember that they wanted to scuba dive. Too dangerous for you, you rather much enjoy tanning on the beach. Maybe you’re boring, but it’s a too stupid way to die in your opinion. And what about the sharks? The jellyfishes? The sea urchins? No thanks. A good book is funnier — and safer.

Yet, the relaxing time you were expecting is fading away when a man takes the seat next to yours at the bar. Your breath hitches because damn! He looks good. You are not sure you’ve ever seen a man this handsome. He is tall and his black hair is shining. He looks casual with his Hawaiian shirt and his shorts. Okay, he must be very muscular because you can see how the fabric of his bottom held his thighs. And what is it on his right arm? Tattoos? It’s the first time you get to see so much ink in real life. It’s scary but… sexy. All of the stranger seems sexy. Especially his charming smile.

You’re having a hard time not staring at him but what can you say? It’s not easy taking your eyes off of him. He is attractive, too attractive. It’s in moments like that you wish you had more confidence so you could talk to him but at the same time, would someone like him be interested in you? You have no doubts he just has to clap his fingers for a dozen of women to be naked in front of him. And yet…

"No scuba diving?" He asks you

You are surprised — it’s an understatement — because how the hell does he know that?! But you can’t say anything when you meet his eyes. They are so black, it’s intimidating but there is a sparkle of playfulness in them. This man is a paradox: all seems mysterious and comfortable at the same time; cold and warm; distant and kind. However, a weird feeling embraces you, just like you’ve known him all your life. Is it… love at first sight? You’ve read about it, you’ve seen it in movies but experiencing it… Wow, it’s an all other level.

"I saw you and your group of friends yesterday at the restaurant, and this morning, I spotted them heading to the boats" He explains — your shock must have been well visible

"You have a great memory to remember so much about strangers" You joke

“Selective memory in fact” He corrects with a oh-so-charming smile and you literally feel your heart melt and your cheeks burn “And I’m particularly attentive to beautiful women"

This sentence could make you ill-at-ease, it’s such a playboy thing. But the way he is sipping on his fresh beer so casually and his eyes… So honest. You must be crazy because you feel like he hasn’t said those words to anyone else but you which it’s impossible. Like you said before: dozens of women must be at his feet.

"I—It’s—"

Okay, it’s so embarrassing to stutter in front of him, especially when he seems to be confident — but could he not when he looks this good. You can’t do otherwise and it doesn’t help that you are blushing.

"I’m Jungkook" He introduces himself, holding his hand to you

You take it, and gosh… How can holding someone’s hand feel so right? If those stupid books are right, maybe it’s what love at first sight is.

"Y/N" You gulp

Sweet smiles are exchanged, someway conveying silent promises and confessions. A weird sensation. A good sensation. Jungkook seems to be everything you’re looking for in a man and it’s quite overwhelming. Unfortunately for you, when you’re stressed, you talk nonsense and you don’t have time to shut your mouth.

“I’m afraid of being strangled by an octopus” You say out of the blunt to get back to his first words and you watch in horror surprise lightens up his face “That’s why I didn’t go scuba diving. But I’m okay, I read. Maybe it doesn’t look too exciting to read while you’re in Bali but I really enjoy it, especially this book about a princess who escapes the castle to live with the squire but it turns out that he lied to her and he is actually the last son of the foe kingdom and he had a mission of kidnapping the princess. It’s not as stupid as it sounds. I know that my friend Mi-yeon (she is getting married tomorrow) says that I should stop reading those novels but I think dreaming a little is not that bad, right? Do you dream?” You know how stupid you sound and you want to slap you in the face

Jungkook eases you with his sweet smile and you fall even more for him.

"Can I invite you for diner?" He asks and you have to pinch your arm to make sure you are not dreaming

Is this handsome guy seriously asking you out? You? You have seen beautiful women since you arrived, way more beautiful than you so why? Maybe it’s a mistake but this mistake might be your only chance to spend time with Jungkook. You just can’t take your eyes off of him and you don’t care if it lasts one night, one week or only one second. You know it deep down, he already has all of your heart and it only took him one minute.

Later that day, you took extra care on your makeup and you choose one of your favorite dresses, a satin white dress with thin straps — thanks to your light tan, the color fits better than usual. You even had to call Mi-yeon for advice about your hair: letting it loose or tightening it into a bun? Your friend choose the bun — the argument about avoiding hair in your mouth during diner convinced you.

You really, really hope that your makeup conceals your blushed cheeks — it can’t do anything for your pounding heart. It’s actually strange because you do feel stressed about this date — you can’t believe it’s a date! — but you also feel like it’s the most natural thing ever to meet Jungkook.

A wave of comfort wraps around you when you spot Jungkook at one of the tables of the walls-free restaurant. The setting is really romantic. The only lighting comes from a multitude of candles, warmly licking the wooden columns. The structure is framed with light and white curtains flying around with the light breeze coming from the near beach.

Yes, it’s gorgeous but you can’t enjoy it. All you can see is him. Just him with his black hair styled backwards, but it’s natural since a lock of hair falls on his forehead. He is perfect in his white shirt that holds his brawn chest. And his damn smile… It could kill. The way Jungkook is looking at you and is smiling at you, it makes your heart stops — or pounds at a crazy pace, you don’t know.

On the other hand, Jungkook’s heart is not better. You look stunning. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen. You are breathtaking in your dress and he wonders why he is feeling like that. Fuck, he even doesn’t know what love is and yet, it can’t be anything else than that. One look, it’s all it took for him to love you. All he has believed in, all he has thought was the truth, all he has planned for his future, it’s all shattered. Maybe it should scare him but it doesn’t. He can’t be scared when he has met you, when you exist and you are in front of him. He swears that, if you are crazy enough to want him, you will wear a white dress soon, on your wedding day with him.

"You are beautiful" He whispers, more for himself and for you, as he stands up to welcome you

"You look great too" You reply with blushed cheeks

You sit down and talk. All night long and it feels like ten minutes. You never get out of topics and the more he talks, the more you love him. He tells you that he is an architect, that he is actually here for work and that he is quite lonely — but he realized it only recently. You also learn that he lives in Seoul, like you, which makes you think that you could see each other when you both come back to South Korea.

Despite the night going well, you can’t help but blathering on stupid and weird things like your neighbor’s dog that ate a pigeon once or the time the cashier wanted to sell you marijuana in the supermarket because you ‘looked miserable’ — to be fair it was just after your breakup but you left that part aside for Jungkook. Rather than looking at you like you were crazy, Jungkook seems charmed by your rambling. Maybe because he knows that it’s caused by your attraction to him.

"Well" You say as Jungkook is walking you to your room "It was very nice"

Your hands brush from time to time and even if it’s a light touch, it electrifies you. You wish you can touch him more but you are too shy to do the first move. Jungkook has been sweet but he is so perfect that you wonder if you are good enough for him — funny when he wonders if he is good enough for you.

You are disappointed when you reach your door. You should have lied and said that your room was on the other side of the hotel complex. You sigh and grab the magnetic card unlocking the door. The night is over and you are sad. You wish it could never end because you don’t want to let him go. You want to stay with him tonight, all nights actually. You have known him for a few hours but you don’t know how life is without him anymore. It’s crazy.

"It was" Jungkook says softly

Should you go? Yes, you should but you don’t want to. You ask your brain to look for anything to keep talking to him. Nothing comes to your mind so you stare at him, eyes locked into his beautiful, shining doe eyes.

"I want to kiss you, if you allow me to"

You can’t believe that he says that so casually while your hearts is jumping in your chest. Is he used to this? Because you are certainly not. But who are you to deny him?

So you nod and your pounding heart echoes in your ears when Jungkook steps closer. He gently cups your face and ever so slowly, presses his lips on yours. It’s sweet and kind and romantic and perfect. The best kiss ever, so you naturally want to feel him more. You wrap your arms around his neck and invite him to kiss you deeper.

Despite being glued to each other, Jungkook doesn’t want to push too much. Especially because he doesn’t want it to be the only time he kisses you. He wants to do it everyday, for the rest of his life. If he didn’t know it before, your mouth on his assures it.

He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours while you are catching your breath. Both the kiss and the explosion of emotions that it brings left you breathless. You are in trouble: you are irreparably in love with him.

"Y/N" God, your name has never sounded so good "Can I take you on a date? When we are in Korea?"

—————

“Can I call you back?” You ask through the phone but actually don’t wait for any answer and just hang up

You were searching some documents for the assurance in your husband’s office when you found it. A phone. At first, you tried to look for some rational explanations of why your husband would hide a phone in his desk. It could be an old devise but you have never seen it before. Moreover, it’s quite a recent phone. So, your next thought was that it could be a professional phone. And you wished it was. But it wasn’t.

The latest text, from yesterday, was an address. A hotel address. It was an appointment for tomorrow. Your heart sunk as you went through the convo: over and over again, the same hotel room with different dates and hours. For four months.

So this is it. Your husband is cheating on you. You can’t stop your crying because the pain in your chest is just unbearable. You have to open the window because you can’t breathe, your lungs seem too small all of the sudden. You thought that Jungkook was the love of your life when you married him three years ago. And even now, with your broken heart, you still believe he is. You haven’t thought about living without him, it can’t be possible.

When you hear the front door and your husband asking if you’re home, your sobbing gets lourder and you have to put your hand on your mouth to mutter it. The steps you know so well — just like you thought you knew your husband so well — are getting closer and closer. Jungkook calls you again but doesn’t receive any answer. He heads to your bedroom but finds it empty. He frowns, growing worried because he knows you should be home. Then, he hears some fainted noises coming from the corridor. He concentrates and spots that the noises are located in his office. When he pushed the door, he didn’t think he would find you crying in his leather chair. The biggest tears he has seen since he knows you.

“What’s going on”’ He hastily asks you, panicked that you might be hurt

And you are indeed. You are feeling so much pain that you wonder how your heart hasn’t stop beating of how squeezed it has become.

“I can’t believe it…” You whisper, more to yourself than to him

Once again, your husband frowns but only a second. Because his big does eyes widen at the sight of his secret device in your shaky hand. All his blood is drained from his face, making his skin look pale. He gulps but his throat feels as dry as a desert.

“I can explain” He starts but his voice is already broken

Why do his words hurt even more? They sound so much like what you have witnessed in movies. You close your eyes in a ridiculous attempt to prevent the hurricane from happening but it’s already too late. It’s four months too late.

“Y/N, I swear, it’s not what you think” Jungkook beseeches as he steps closer but you hold your hand up to stop him

“So you don’t go to those rendezvous in that hotel?” You ask

Your voice has some hope in it, like you still think there is a tiny chance that your husband is not cheating on you. But a single glance at him and at his guilty face is enough to definitely break this hope. How can you know him this much and not at all at the same time?

Your crying breaks the heavy silence around you. Every single tear is killing Jungkook. He doesn’t know what to do but he absolutely hates seeing you suffer. And he hates even more being the reason of it. He feels all your pain like his own. He feels your heart breaking in his own chest. Three years ago, at your wedding, he promised you to punish all the persons who would hurt you. Today, he might have to punish himself.

“Please, believe me, I’m not cheating on you” He begs

He wishes you’d look him in the eyes so you could see how much he loves you but you can’t. You can’t look at him without feeling like dying. Your soul is being torn apart so roughly — mainly because you haven’t imagined that Jungkook would ever do that. Your husband is perfect. When you talk with your friends and tell them about the flowers he bought you, or the restaurant he took you just because you said that you saw an ad on social medias, they always envy you to have such a caring and loving husband. When your friends cry about being cheated on, you always tell yourself that you’re lucky that you won’t ever live that.

And here you are.

“So what are those messages, Jungkook? Who asks you to meet at the hotel?!” You ask and yell and cry at the same time

You are confused, angry and sad. You don’t know what to think and Jungkook either. He doesn’t say anything that it’s driving you crazy. Why doesn’t he deny? Why doesn’t he say that all those texts are a misdial? Why doesn’t he tell you he loves you?

Every second of silence takes away a piece of your broken heart.

"I’m sorry…” Jungkook finally says

It’s the worst thing he could say. Because now it’s real. It’s too much real. Someway, you wish he has lied, denied anything and told you that you misread the situation. Maybe you could have gone on with your life. But he said he’s sorry. So everything is true. Now, you can’t hold on an irrational explanation because it’s fucking true!

You run pass though him and it hurts a little more that Jungkook doesn’t even try to stop you. You leave your house like you wish you could leave the pain behind.

You spend the night at your friend’s. You try to cry yourself to sleep but you can’t. The pain in your chest keeps you up all night and it gets worse every time you imagine your husband and an unknown woman in this hotel room. Aren’t you enough? Did you change? Did you get boring? You didn’t even see the signs, Jungkook seemed as happy as ever. Your sex life didn’t decrease so you wonder if it has ever been enough for your husband. You try to look at the past four months and spot out the little changes but everything was the same! Maybe even better. Jungkook is such a great actor because you would have never imagined he would have a double life.

—————

You stare at the ceiling of your friend’s guest room. You want to empty your mind but your heart is too painful to ignore and it reminds you of Jungkook. Ever since you have met him, he has filled your soul, brain and heart. It’s just impossible not to. But right now, you wish you could just forget everything, especially the day you saw him for the first time, four years ago.

You did spend the night crying but you also thought. Maybe your marriage is not over. Maybe there is still hope. You could forgive Jungkook. You could if it means you’ll get to be with him. You’ll talk about it, he’ll promise to not see her ever again and you’ll push this painful episode aside so you can follow up with your life together as before.

But before that, you have to make sure that Jungkook won’t attend his date today. You saw on the phone yesterday that he was expected at six pm in the same hotel. He is not stupid enough to go after that his wife found out about his affair, right? If he loves you, and he does, he won’t go. Right?

But if he does go, then it means there is no hope left. It’s all over. And you’re not sure you’ll survive it.

So you don’t really know why you’re in the hotel lobby. You keep telling yourself that Jungkook loves you and that you trust him but you’re still here. You have never been more stressed in all your 28 year-old life. You look at your watch every ten seconds. You almost sigh in relief when 6:01 is written on your wrist, like you find yourself so damn stupid to have thought that Jungkook would show up.

But he does. As he walks toward the elevator, looking as good as ever in his black suit, he tramples on your poor heart at each step. He enters the elevator and disappears behind the metallic doors. It’s all over. Jungkook is flying away with your heart, your love, your soul and pretty much your whole life. It’s so painful that you feel empty. It’s a dull ache in your whole body and there is nothing you can do about it. Your husband didn’t chose you while you would have chosen him a hundred times.

Your body moves automatically as you are heading to the bar of the hotel. You hate that he has chosen such a luxury hotel to cheat on you. Does she deserve all this? You hate her. You hate him. You hate how he hurt you. But mostly, you hate that you don’t hate him. Even after breaking your heart, you still love him.

When the bartender hands you your order, you scoff. You didn’t even realized that you ordered a wapplesky, a apple and whiskey cocktail, your husband’s favorite. Your eyes water when you take your first sip and you wish you could blame it on the bitterness of the alcohol.

You feel the presence of a man next to you. At first, you thought it was Jungkook because of the black suit the man is wearing. But it’s not him. However, the man is really, really handsome. His brown hair matches his brown eyes. His nose is straight and flawless. And you can tell he is muscular underneath his clothes. Yes, he looks really good but you can’t help comparing him with Jungkook and he doesn’t stand a chance. Will you think that about all the men you’ll meet? If so, maybe you won’t ever be able to love again.

You swallow the rest of your glass and the stranger takes the opportunity to talk to you, or to flirt with you actually.

“Can I get you another one?" His voice is charming, soft and deep

You do appreciate how soothing it is. But should you accept the offer? Well, Jungkook is probably fucking another woman right now so…

“Yes, thank you” You try to sound cheerful

“Jackson, by the way” The man introduces himself and you do the same

You both start talking and oddly enough, you don’t feel as bad as before. Maybe your pride gets a little restored at the thought of flirting with the another man when your husband has been cheating on you for four months.

“So, you’re visiting Seoul?” Jackson asks at some point

“No, actually I live here”

“So, what are you doing in a hotel?” His question is nothing but curiosity but it brings a huge weight into your chest that makes you wince

Should you tell him? Won’t you be embarrassed? Maybe but your whole life is already upside down so it can’t be worse.

"Actually, my husband is here” Instinctively, Jackson’s eyes land on your ring that he hasn’t noticed before, way too distract by your beautiful yet sad eyes “With another woman”

Jackson is taken aback, not sure what to say but you help him by asking:

“What am I doing here when he obviously doesn’t care about me?”

Your voice breaks at the end of your sentence. Your tears escape your eyes. You honestly don’t believe that the pain will ever go away, it’s just too much.

“It’s never stupid to do things out of love”

You look up at Jackson, surprised by his comforting words. He truly looks like a good man. His warm hand gently squeezes yours on the desk bar and he gives you a soft smile. He does look cute like that, completely at the opposite of the sexy and charismatic man he is when his handsome face is neutral.

You squeeze his hand back to silently thank him and his thumb caresses the back of your hand. You almost moan when it takes off the unbearable weight off of your chest for a second. For all the people around you, your interaction seems intimate. You are indeed pretty close to each other and the tenderness in your both eyes could be interpreted as a heavy flirting. Your touching hands are puzzling.

Especially for Jungkook. As he walked through the lobby, he spotted you in the open bar. He can’t be wrong, he‘d recognize you in a thousand-people crowd. But what the hell are you doing with this man? Who is he? And why is he fucking holding your hand? Jungkook feels his jaws and fists clench as he walks to you with a dark and dangerous aura around him. He swears, he could kill the man touching his wife.

Jungkook moves quickly and precisely as he grabs Jackson’s arm and twists it against his back in an professional armlock. Jackson hisses in pain and you gasp in shock.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Jungkook barks

“Jungkook, stop! Are you crazy?!” You shout as you try to push him

Your strength is nothing compared to your husband’s but as he feels your hands on his tensed forearms, he releases his hold and frees the man.

“Oh my god, Jackson, are you okay?” You ask, worried, which only makes Jungkook angrier — why do you care about that guy in the first place?

“Yeah, don’t worry” Jackson reassures you while massaging his sore arm and shoulder

“What is wrong with you?” You yell at your husband

“Am I supposed to let another man touch and flirt with my wife?” Jungkook talks back, clearly upset

You can’t believe his audacity! He has been cheating on you for four months and even after you found out, he went to see his mistress! You scoff, not even caring to respond. He is pathetic. You grab your bag and Jackson’s hand before heading towards the elevators. Both men follow you, completely flabbergasted by your actions.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jungkook asks but you ignore him

“You have a room right?” You talk to Jackson and he nods “Then, we’re going to have sex”

The doors of the elevators open and you push Jackson inside but your husband gets in too.

“What the fuck?!” He yells and you ignore him once again “You’re not doing that!”

“Why not? Didn’t you do it just now?” You reply

“No, I didn’t! I told you I didn’t cheat on you"

“So why are you here ?!” You yell

“I can’t tell you but I swear, I’m not cheating on—“

Jungkook stops talking as he perceives a movement at his peripheral vision. Jackson has pulled a shiv out of his inside suit pocket and Jungkook blocks it only a inch away from his stomach. However, he receives a punch in his ribs that makes him wince but he doesn’t have time to think and roughly pushes Jackson again the wall. The impact is so violent that the elevator shakes a little and that Jackson drops his knife. Jungkook’s body immediately tensed in the small room and his eyes darken, just like he was ready to kill someone.

Jackson fights back and punches Jungkook in the face while your husband crushes Jackson’s ankle with his foot. The brown haired man falls down with a growl, which allows Jungkook to take the avantage. He throws numerous punches in Jackson’s face until his nose and lips bleed, mixing with his own cut knuckles. The last remained forces abandon Jackson who faints.

Jungkook is panting and you’re just shocked about what just happened. Everything was so fast and you’ve never seen your husband like that. He is sweet and he doesn’t even want to kill a spider! And now he is punching strangers?! What the hell is going on?!��

You’re pressed against a corner and your husband immediately walks to you, his eyes already softer when they land on you.

“Are you hurt, baby?” He asks, quite panicked

“Is-is he dead?” Your voice, just like your whole body, is shaky

"No, just unconscious” Jungkook says nonchalantly, he doesn’t give a shit about Jackson, he only cares about you “Did he hurt you? Tell me, I swear I’ll kill him”

When you shake your head, unable to make any sound, your husband hugs you. Fuck, he was so afraid to hurt you during the fight. He acted by instinct but his mind was worried sick about you. He actually hates that you have witnessed this side of him. Jungkook’s dark part is, in fact, really dark and violent but it’s not the real him. The real him is the one he is with you: a loving husband.

When he is sure you’re okay, physically at least, he knees down to rummage in Jackson’s pockets. He almost shouts of joy when he finds his key room. At that exact moment, the elevator doors opens and he grabs your hand to guide you towards the room. He presses the magnetic card on the knob and carefully enters. He makes sure it’s empty before pulling you in.

“Can you explain what’s going on?”

“Not right now, but I promise” Jungkook kisses your forehead and starts searching the room. He checks the desk, the wardrobe, the bed, the bathroom but, as he expected, no clue. He sighs and runs his bruised inked hand in his raven hair.

“What are you looking for?” You ask

“A phone. Or computer, something electronic” He answers as he turns around to think about where it could be

“Did you check the headboard?”

Your husband looks at you with awe eyes and he swears he loves you even more. He listens to you and, as always, you were right. A phone was indeed hidden behind the headboard. He makes sure to turn it off and you leave the room.

—————

"Can you explain now?" You grow frustrated in Jungkook’s car

Your husband sighs and makes his raven hair messier with his hand. You know it means he is deeply in thoughts. Several reasons explain why Jungkook has secrets: first, it’s the normal protocol. Second, he loves you and he is afraid you’ll see him differently. He is afraid you’ll run away. However, since you found out his phone and believed he was cheating on you, he has already begun to loose you. The night you spent at your friend’s almost killed him.

"I can’t tell you much" He finally says

"Why did you punch Jackson? And where did you learn to fight like that? Did you take boxing classes?" Your questions are as confused as you are

Your husband was a completely different person in this elevator and you’re not sure you liked who he was. You fell in love with an ever so sweet man who told you that he didn’t like conflict and who always stops people from fighting when they’re angry. And now he is throwing punches at strangers?

"Didn’t you see he was trying to kill me? What was I supposed to do?"

"But why would he do that?! It doesn’t make any sense, you’re a good husband, a good neighbor and a good architect"

You watch Jungkook’s fists tighten on the wheel, the knuckles turning white despite their bruises. His gaze is desperately on the road and you know he is avoiding your eyes. Something’s off…

"You’re… an architect, right?" Your voice is low and unsure, almost a whisper

Jungkook’s silence is a confession.

"Oh my god! You lied to me"

"I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell you the truth" He tries to take your hand but you resist

"Stop the car"

"No, listen to me—"

"Stop the freaking car!" You yell

"We’re on the fucking freeway, I can’t stop the car!"

You can’t believe that Jungkook lied to you about his job! For four years you’ve known him! How could he do that? He goes to work every morning and you ask about his day and he tells you lies every single day!

"So, what’s your job?" You question, arms crossed on your chest which makes your husband’s heart squeeze because you only do that when you’re deeply disappointed

"I can’t tell you" He looks at you but you don’t so he continues with his usual soft voice that you would like to hate right now "I’m not an architect, my job is… a little more physical"

"Do you have other lies? Please tell me because I’m not sure I can handle other secrets later"

Your eyes are full of tears now. Your life is a whole mess and it only took 24 hours to become one. You’re tired, you’re sad, you’re scared and the adrenaline rush has disappeared, leaving you in a very fragile mindset. Honestly, you’re close to a mental breakdown.

Jungkook winces, he has a lot of secrets. But he knows that you need to know, maybe not all of them but some parts.

"I lost my parents when I was 10" He drops the bomb

"But, they were at our wedding…" You respond, completely shocked

"I hired actors" He confesses, leaving your mouth open in astonishment

Well, it was suspicious that you got so well with your mother-in-law and that she didn’t insist to spend Christmas with you…

"What else?" You ask after a few silent seconds but you’re not sure you can take it, it’s like your whole life is lie or more exactly your husband’s life is a lie

"I have guns"

"What?!’ You look at him, baffled ‘In our house?"

Jungkook nods. What the hell? You don’t even know what you say anymore. This is insane. It must be some kind of joke or prank or something.

"Are we married? Like legally married or this is just another big lie?"

"What? Of course we’re married! I didn’t lie when I asked you to marry me and I don’t lie when I say I love you, baby" You hate that you love how his voice gets more gentle when he says that

In this hurricane, your husband’s words soothe everything. It’s like if he loves you, then nothing else matters. He grabs your hand and this time, you don’t take it away. Jungkook leads your left hand to his face and kisses your wedding ring, maybe the only true thing in his life. Two days ago, you were dead certain you knew everything about your husband but right now, he looks like a complete stranger.

Jungkook parks the car in your house’s alley. You don’t leave the car just yet and look at your home. It’s the perfect one: three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a huge kitchen, an office for your husband — but you don’t know why now — and a cute garden with a lot of flowers. Everything is perfect, your life with your husband in it is perfect. But it’s a big lie. There are freaking guns hidden in your own home and you didn’t even know! Oh my god, what if you had children and they found them and get hurt?

"I have to do some stuff in my office but I promise that you can ask all of the questions you want after that, okay baby?" Jungkook says in your entryway that usually make your friends jealous

Jungkook is looking straight into your eyes and you can’t help loving his doe eyes, even though they’re a little more worried than normally. You nod and your husband kisses your forehead. It’s not like usual, it’s longer and deeper, like he was afraid it was the last time. To be true, Jungkook is terrified that he’ll loose you. You’re the only good thing in his life and he loves you more than anything. It was love at first sight, and the way your stress made you do and say embarrassing things — as much as you thought he’ll just run away in the middle of your first date — made him in fall in love with you. Ever since then, he has been down on his knees for you and he won’t ever be able to stand up.

He heads to his office and grabs the phone that started all this mess. He dials a number he knows well before an electronic voice asks him to identify himself.

"Osmium 1-3-0-6"

Some ring tone echoes his Jungkook’s ear as he is waiting for someone to take the call. A familiar female voice starts speaking.

"Osmium 1-3-0-6, your mission has just begun, I doubt it’s already over"

"I had a problem" Jungkook winces when he remembers Jackson holding your hand, anger boiling in his veins

"What kind of problem?" The operator asks quite unfazed, it’s not like she didn’t know Jungkook and he has the tendency to have, or create himself, problems

"An agent, not ours. I took his phone, I send you his electronic chip, possibly encrypted and dangerous" Jungkook pursues as he grabs his computer and inserts the chip in his devise

"I took control over your computer to check"

After a few minutes, the operator speaks again.

"Well, looks like someone wanted to end you"

If the female takes it as a joke because Jackson was obviously a rookie agent, Jungkook is not laughing at all. He doesn’t really care about being a target, it’s not the first time and definitely not the last either, but you… it’s different. And there are photos of you in the field. You’re his wife but he has made sure to erase all the informations regarding you so only people he knows personally would know he’s married. So why are you in the fucking field? The field that makes him a target and puts you in danger!

His fists are clenching so much that his knuckles crack again and bleed. Wrath makes him shake and he is afraid he’d crushed the phone in his hand.

"Why are there photos of my wife?" He asks with gritted teeth

"It doesn’t look like she was the target. Maybe the other agency wanted to have as many as informations they could get"

"Find them" He orders before hanging up

He needs to calm down because he could kill someone. You were with a fucking agent who knew you, who could have hurt you just to get to him. Jungkook promised you to protect you and he wasn’t lying because God knows he has the abilities for that but now… Things are different. He is the one who makes you in danger. He is angry toward life, toward his job and toward himself. When he told his agency he was getting married, they did ask him to think about it, that it was not very smart, that someday you could be a target. But he was cautious and made sure that no one would ever know you exist.

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was too selfish because he knew that he was putting you in danger and he still married you because he loved you. You should have married another man, a boring yet normal man who would never had your photo in a fucking agent’s target field.

When Jungkook is about to break down, he walks to your ensuite bathroom. He storms in, takes off his clothes so fast and abruptly that he almost rips off the fabric and enters the shower. He lets the cold water running off down his tensed body. He feels so much anger that the blood in his veins is boiling despite the coldness of the water. He closes his eyes and pushes his head under the water stream. His palms are laying flat against the shower wall.

You, on the other hand, have witnessed your husband’s actions. You have never seen him like that, like he is about to break. Honestly, it’s painful to watch and you’re not sure what to do. Yes, he lied to you but you love him. And one thing is sure: he loves you too. You feel it every time he kisses you, hugs you, makes love to you. You feel it every single time he is looking at you. He can’t be an as good actor.

"Jungkook?" You call him as you enter the bathroom too

You see your beautiful husband in the shower. His body is so perfect: strong thighs, defined abs, brawny chest, large shoulders and muscular arms. His tattoo sleeve only makes him more attractive. However, he looks defeated and he doesn’t even seem to notice you. Your heart squeezes in your chest but not for the same reason as before: it hurts because he is hurting. Jungkook seems so down, you don’t even know what to do.

So you take off your own clothes and join him in the shower. You gasp a little when you feel the chilly water. Your whole body shivers and goosebump grows on your skin. You step closer until you hug your husband from behind. You press your cheek against his large back and your arms are wrapped around his torso. You gently caress him with your fingertips and only then, Jungkook snaps back to reality and notices you.

"You’re gonna be cold, leave" He seems to order but his voice is just broken

"I’m staying" You simply respond as you peck his back

Jungkook grabs your left hand, the diamond ring is shining with the light and the water drops. Fuck, he loves you so much. He turns the thermostatic mixer to have some hot water. Then, he turns around and grabs your cheeks. The way he is looking at you is so overwhelming that a tear rolls down your cheek.

"Kiss me" You whisper, feeling that if he doesn’t, you might die

So he does. He kisses you like it’s your first and last kiss. It’s the most romantic, sensual, soft and deep kiss ever. It’s a kiss that has a hundred of meanings, the main one is how much Jungkook loves you.

His tongue finds its way into your mouth and your hands run through his soaked hair. Your husband’s arms secure you against his body by wrapping around your waist. His warm and large palms are rolling up and down your back and you feel his member getting harder against your lower belly. A sweet moan escapes your lips when Jungkook’s mouth dives into your neck. His kisses are as wet as the water stream and your pussy. Your own hands press him closer.

When his inked hand squeezes you ass, you gasp. Your cunt clenches around nothing and you need him. Maybe Jungkook can read your mind, or maybe he just knows you so well because his other hand makes its way to your crotch. He growls when he feels your arousal dripping from your pussy. His expert fingers slide upon your folds, collecting your wetness to rub your clit.

Your head rolls back and you moan loudly. You don’t really know what’s going on but it feels like the very first time you are being touched. Maybe all the emotions you’ve felt lately make your body more sensitive.

Jungkook enters you with two fingers but still takes care of your swollen bud with his thumb. He is way too good with his hands. He knows how to touch you, he knows how to make you feel good. His cock is now completely hard and you take it in your hand. It feels thick and heavy as you gently jerk him off. The precum dripping from its tip and the water of the shower smooth your movements. You apply the right pressure on his dick and work a little more on his sensitive tip like you know he loves. And if you didn’t know it yet, the way your husband gently bites on your shoulder to suppress a moan proves it to you.

Your husband’s digits are moving faster and deeper into your cunt, curling to hit your sweet spot. You are close and Jungkook knows it too thanks to your tightening walls. He captures your mouth with his own. Your moans are mixing with your tongues as you work on his dick and he enters you with his long, thick yet delicate fingers. Your body starts to shake and your orgasm washes over you. Your scream is directly swallowed by your husband and his arm is wrapped tighter around your waist to support you.

He slides his digits off your cunt, and you wince. You need more, you need him, even after the beautiful orgasm he gave you. Right now, you feel like everything won’t ever be enough because your love for him is taking everything around you.

Jungkook frees your lips, now red and swollen, to look into your eyes. A mix of lust and love adores your beautiful eyes and he knows he’ll keep this image in his head for the rest of his life. The way he is feeling for you right now will last forever.

He gives you a last kiss before turning you around so your chest is pressed against the tile. The cold material against your burning skin makes you shiver and wetter. Jungkook takes the time to appreciate the sight: you’re so beautiful. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Your back is arched, giving him a great view on your ass and glistening pussy. His dick throbs when he notices your cunt clenching around nothing, just like it was begging him to stuff it.

He caresses your asscheeks with his tattooed hand, teasing you while you’re already on the edge of loosing your mind.

"Please, honey, fuck me" You beg him

He gulps like a teenager before his first time and guides his fat cock towards your entrance. Your wetness feels divine on his tip and he has no difficulty to just slide deep into your cunt. The pornographic moan you offer him is music to his ears. He can feel your velvet walls clenching around him like a warm blanket. You were made for him and he was made for you. He pushes even deeper into you, until his pelvis is hardly pressed against your ass. You gasp as you feel him so deep. He is touching your limits and it feels so good.

When your husband starts moving, he is soft first, building up the tension. Your groans are like pleas to fuck you harder.

"You’re are so beautiful, so perfect, you don’t even know it" He tells you as he kisses your shoulder

The way your walls clench makes him know that the compliments touch you, but he said it because it’s true. You can’t imagine how beautiful you are for him. So he wants to make you feel it. His pace enhances and soon, skin flapping sounds fill the air. His hands are deep into the flesh of your hips to keep you still while he is fucking you hard and fast. Your own fists clench on the shower wall and you’re loosing your mind. Your tits are bouncing fast due to his harsh humping.

"Oh my god!" You scream at a specially rough dick stroke that makes your eyes roll

Jungkook’s strong inked arm snakes around your frame to press you against his chest, squeezing your jolting boobs at the same time. His cock is now directly hitting your g-spot and it feels so good you’re not sure you’re still alive. His other forearm secures your lower belly and his digits find your already sensitive clit. Your delicate body, completely hugged by him, while he is deep inside you is the most beautiful moment of his life.

"I love you so much, Y/N" He groans in your ear

One of your hand holds onto his right tattooed arm — the contrast between your two skins is striking because you look so pure compared to him — while the other is still supporting you on the tile. Your husband is providing you so much pleasure that you might be in heaven. Messy moans that look like his name escape your open mouth. You feel him everywhere on and in you. His big dick is stretching you perfectly and his fingers rubbing your clit are delightful. Your legs start shaking and you know you’ll cum soon.

"I love you too, more than anything" You moan

Jungkook fucks you even harder as he feels your pussy tighten around him. He won’t last long either but he just wants to make you cum. He fucks you like it was the last time. He kisses your throat, marking you to leave a memory for later. His hand grabs your left tit, pinching your sensitive nipple before taking it entirely in his large palm. He can feel your erratic heartbeat and his own chest is filled with pride that it’s beating for him. He is so damn lucky to be loved by you.

"Cum for me baby" His voice is weak, almost begging you

Your husband’s name leaves your mouth in a broken scream as you cream his dick. Jungkook’s arms tighten around you to support your shaking body. The wave of pleasure is so high that white dots paints your vision. Your head rolls back to rest on his strong shoulder. His thick cock is still pounding into your throbbing cunt and the overstimulation almost kills you with pleasure.

"Please, fill me up" You ask Jungkook

It’s what he needed to release himself deep inside you. You feel his dick palpitating and his hot cum in your pussy. The way he growls you name as he reaches his high looks like a love confession.

You are both panting but you don’t want to move. You want to stay like that forever. This moment is perfect because the air is full of love, protecting you from whatever is happening outside your bubble.

But the bubble busts when your husband pulls off of you, leaving you empty in more than one way. You panic when you turn around and don’t witness his usual soft features. His face is tensed and his jaws clenched. You grow worried when you can’t read his dark eyes.

He steps out of the shower without warning and the air immediately freezes around you. What is going on? You basically run after him, not caring about being naked or dripping wet. Your throat turns dry when you see him throwing some clothes into a travel bag.

"What are you doing?" You manage to ask

Jungkook doesn’t answer and pursues his mission. Your body refuses to move when all you want to do is to throw away his stupid bag through the window.

"Are-are you leaving me?" Your voice sounds so hurt and broken that Jungkook has to fight everything in him not to hug you and promise you that he will always love you

He still doesn’t say anything but the travel bag is now full and your husband has put some clothes on. The worst thing is that he is not looking at you. Why is he not looking at you? Why is he not saying that you’re insane to ever think he would leave you? Your heart is pounding in your chest so loud that it mutters all the other sounds around you.

It’s when Jungkook takes his first step towards your bedroom door that you force your body to move. You grab on his forearm like a lifeline. Well, it pretty is: your life without him doesn’t make any sense.

"Please, don’t" You’re sobbing even louder than when you found his secret phone "Please, Jungkook"

The way you beg him is killing him. He doesn’t trust his mouth — sometimes it’s way too connected to his heart. So he just frees his arm from your holding and he can see your heart breaking.

"We can talk, or not" You say between your crying

It’s not a pretty cry. Your tears are so big that they deform your beautiful face. And your throat is so tight that it hurts, even more with your hiccups.

"I promise I won’t ask any question, I won’t say anything" You speak so fast that you don’t have time to think but you just don’t want him to leave "We can start again, we can move out. I love you, I love you so much. My whole heart is for you, I already gave it to you so I need you close to live! Please, I’m begging you, don’t leave me"

Jungkook’s jaws clench and his holding tightens on his bag. He doesn’t want to see you broken, your voice is enough, but he knows he needs to. He holds on the thought that it’s the right thing to do, that it’s the only solution because with him, you’re in danger. He won’t survive if something happens to you.

"Then, I give your heart back so you won’t need me. Take care, Y/N" His tone is so cold yet broken and it leaves you breathless

Jungkook leaves the room at the same time he is leaving you. You fall on the floor, the sound almost makes him look back to check on you but he doesn’t. He knows that if he does, he won’t be able to leave you to protect you. Your cryings are like agonizing screams and it’s the last thing Jungkook hears when he closes the front door.

—————

It’s been three days and Jungkook hasn’t slept yet. He can’t. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees your face twisted by incommensurable pain. The bags under his eyes are almost as dark as his irises. He keeps telling himself that it was the right thing to do but he misses you like crazy.

He takes a sip on his fourth or fifth cup of coffee — he didn’t count. The waitress of the coffee shop steps closer once again to ask if he wants anything to eat but Jungkook declines. The poor girl gives up on her flirting. Jungkook doesn’t even notice that she is attracted by him — to be true, he never notices other women than you — and he doesn’t understand why the waitress would try to flirt with him when he looks like a mess. He hasn’t washed his messy hair, he hasn’t shaved and the hood of his black oversized hoodie covers pretty much all of his face.

When his phone finally rings, he picks up immediately.

“Hello?”

“Okay, I’ve got some infos” The operator speaks up “It looks like the agency has contacted a man named Kim Seokjin. Do you know him?”

Jungkook’s blood seems to freeze in his veins. He almost jumps on his feet and runs to his car. He doesn’t really understand what’s going on but if the woman on the phone speaks the truth, then you’re in danger. He can’t believe that he left you to protect you but put you in a greater danger instead. He has never driven this fast before but he doesn’t give a shit about the ticket. The pace of his heartbeats is insane and all he has in his mind is you.

Your bed looks like an ocean of tissues. You have spent the last three days crying and crying and crying. Honestly, you don’t know how you still have some water left in your body. Your bed is too big and too cold without Jungkook but you couldn’t leave it because it still smells like him. You miss him so much that you could die. You’ve tried to repeat the last scene over and over again but you still don’t understand how you could have switched from such an intimate moment with your husband to the worst breakup in history in two minutes.

Jungkook loves you, you know it. You don’t understand why he would leave you. Did you do something wrong? You shouldn’t have questioned him about his job or whatever. You should have kept your mouth shut. And you shouldn’t have looked for those stupid assurance documents in the first place. You’re so broken that you had almost called them to withdraw your contract.

However, today, you have decided that something would change. You would wake up, shower, put some clothes on and act like nothing happened. You have to least pretend because you only have denial left to keep breathing.

You’re in your kitchen — has it ever been so huge? —, cooking some random recipe. You picked the most time consuming one in the cooking book not to think about anything and you have to say that it is working pretty well. Until someone knocks on your door. You swipe your dirty hands on your apron before taking it off and open the door. As an automatism, you draw a welcoming smile on your face for your neighbor.

“Hi, Seokjin! How can I help you?”

“I wanted to talk about the fence. You know, it’s getting out of control and my wife can’t stop talking about how your hedge is stepping on our garden” Your neighbor explains, visibly embarrassed

“I’m sorry but you should discuss that with Jungkook, I don’t know anything about that”

“Oh, is he here?”

You wince at the pain in your chest but it’s now time to put out your best acting skills. A little lie for your neighbor can’t hurt, especially if you don’t want to be completely humiliated in your neighborhood.

“No, he is on a work trip, I’m sorry” You lie “But, please, come in. I’ve made some fresh blueberries cupcakes. I’ll give you some for Aecha”

You step aside to welcome Seokjin in your home with your pretty smile.

Jungkook arrives just in time to witness it. He jumps out of his car and runs to the backyard. He jumps upon your favorite flowers to join the backdoor. He needs to enter the house as quickly as possible. Just as he is stepping inside the kitchen, he hears your voices getting closer. He sneaks upstairs without making any noise. His heart is beating hard in his chest while he takes off five books of his bookshelf and reveals a vault. He wishes he had time to laugh at the irony of the code being your wedding date. He quickly grabs a gun and ammunitions.

Your husband tries to get eyes on you but he only hears your voices. Seokjin is a damn good actor when Jungkook thinks you two have known him for two years now. Your husband can’t deny how stressed he is feeling at the idea of someone hurting you.

“So, you’re all alone?” Seokjin asks you while you’re putting cupcakes in a big Tupperware box

You’re quite surprised by his question that is a little too personal. You don’t know him very well but maybe he is just trying to do the talking.

“Yes but Jungkook will be back soon”

You and Seokjin are at each side of your kitchen island, you facing the entrance hall and staircase that Seokjin has in his back. As you’re looking up to smile at him, your eyes are attracted by your husband making signs at you. He is pointing upstairs and his finger is against his mouth to tell you to keep the secret. You don’t try to understand him, you don’t even seem to know him at all lately. He left you and now he is back and acts crazy…

“Uhm… Aecha lent me one of her books, let me grab it” You lie once again but you’re not sure to be such a good actress

You leave your neighbor and head to the staircase. Your husband immediately grabs your waist when you’re out of Seokjin’s sight and makes you go on the second floor.

“What are you doing here?" You whisper-yell

You hate to be happy to see him while he left you heartbroken. He doesn’t look good with his tired face and it makes you want to kiss him.

“Listen, I think Seokjin is not who we think he is”

“What are you talking about?”

Is your husband going crazy? Seokjin and Aecha are a very cute couple. They’ve invited you at all their parties.

But it’s at this moment that you notice what Jungkook has in his hand: a freaking gun! It’s huge, way more impressive than in movies. Why does he have a gun? Is he going to kill someone?

“What the hell is that?!” You yell and your husband immediately puts his hand on your mouth

“Baby, listen to me. Go to your car, don’t make any noise and drive to the hotel where we got married. I’ll join you there when I’m done. Can you do that for me?” Jungkook speaks low but clearly

You nod but you’re still completely lost. Your husband frees your mouth and leads you to one of your bedroom windows. He opens it and tells you:

“Grab the gutter”

“Are you insane?”

“Please, listen to me, I know you can do it”

“I’m not going down by holding the freaking gutter! I’m not a freaking ninja or something!”

“Y/N, we don’t have time, please” Jungkook is growing frustrated and he is doing this thing with his mouth he knows you hate

“Oh, don’t smack your lips on me” You scold him with a pointing finger

“I’m not smacking my lips” He almost cries out of frustration, you’re so stubborn sometimes and now is definitely not the right time

“Yes, you—“

You’re cut off by a deafening sound that makes you scream and crash your hands onto your ears. Jungkook pushes you on the side so you’re hidden by the bed. His eyes are fixed on Seokjin who has just tried to shoot you for fuck’s sake! His anger is boiling and he aims his neighbor too. The numerous years of training gave him precision and he manages to hit Seokjin’s arm. The man growls in pain but he won’t give up. He changes his spot to have a visual on you.

Your husband’s heart stops when he understands what’s going on. He jumps on the side, grabs your hand and protects you with his own body while he is running away. The bullet lands just a few inches away from your leg. He shoots at Seokjin, not really targeting him but preventing him from shooting you. Are you the target now?

“Jungkook! What is going on?!” You shout

“Later, babe” He replies with gritted teeth as he leads you down the stairs

The bullets are damaging the beautiful cream color you’ve put on your walls just one mouth ago but you don’t really care when you’re running for you life. Seokjin is still behind you and he is not bad of a shooter, even with one wounded arm.

You and your husband manage to head to the backdoor and are running like crazy. You feel more than you hear the bottom hem of your dress getting ripped by a branch of your once beautiful flowerbed. Jungkook keeps shooting behind you until the magazine of his gun needs to be loaded. He always makes sure his body is protecting you. He pushes you into his car and another scream leaves your mouth when a bullet burst Jungkook’s car windshield. It doesn’t take long for Jungkook to get behind the wheel. But when you think he is going to drive down the alley, he goes straight at an insane speed.

“The hydrangeas!” You yell like he was going to stop “Jungkook!” You shout as the car hits Seokjin and completely destroys your flowers

“Sorry, babe”

The man disappears underneath the vehicle and only then, your husband reverses, making the car bounce when the wheels roll over what you think is your neighbor. You’re in complete shock and Jungkook is driving way too fast for your sanity. You grab the seatbelt in a ridiculous attempt to feel safe. Oh my god, you can’t believe what just happened! Someone shot you, your freaking neighbor! And then, your husband shot back to finally freaking hit him with his car! Okay, maybe this is just a nightmare. Maybe you’re delusional and you have imagined everything.

Your body is shaking so much that your teeth chatter. Jungkook glances at you with worried eyes.

“Baby, are you okay?” He asks gently

“No, I’m not okay, Jungkook! Explain now! Our neighbor almost killed me so start talking!” You yell at him

—————

Your husband insisted to wait until you reach the hotel where you got married in Geoje. The view of the ocean and the delicate rocks shaped into lace by the water and the wind is stunning. The contrast between the turquoise color of the sea and the oranges palette of the sunset sky is breathtaking. The scene is completed by the soft iodized smell of the air. The place is magical and romantic, the very reason why you chose to get married here. Maybe he hopes it’ll help you to relax or to remember that he loves you. The sound of the ocean waves is nice but you can’t appreciate it when your life is so messed up. You sit on the bed of your luxurious room and you can’t stare at your husband who looks like a complete stranger.

"Please, explain"

"I can’t tell you much, Y/N, the more you know, the more you’re in danger" He sighs

"It’s true that I’ve been real safe so far" You snap

"This only thing I can tell you is that my job is secret"

"Are you working for the CIA?"

"Baby, I’m Korean, I can’t work for the CIA"

"Are you working for the Korean CIA then?"

"No I’m not" Jungkook gets closer to you and caresses the back of your hand with his thumb "I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what’s going on. Someone made some research about me and found out of about you. I swear I’ve been very careful to protect you, I don’t even know how they’ve got those informations"

The way your husband’s voice choke makes you anxious. You trust him, you would put your life in his hand without any doubt but you’re scared. This whole situation is crazy. You’re a normal woman with a boring life. And now, your husband is like James Bond or something and people are trying to kill you. You won’t ever regret married Jungkook but maybe you regret his secrets. But if he had told you, would you have married him? You’re not sure…

"Am I going to die?" You ask low and your question makes Jungkook’s heart squeeze painfully at the simple thought of it

"No, baby, look at me" He grabs your cheeks and your watery eyes meet his beautiful dark ones, dead serious "I’ll protect you. I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you"

You nod and a tear escapes your eyelids. Jungkook gently kisses you and your arms wrap around his torso. The contact immediately makes him hiss. Your eyes widen in panic. You scan his body and spot a dark red stain.

"Oh my god! You’re hurt!"

"I’m fine, the bullet only grazed"

"Lift up your hoodie" You order

Jungkook knows that fighting is useless and he takes off his hoodie. You gasp at the sight: his left flank is bleeding but he was right, the bullet didn’t pierced him. Your heart is squeezing so much in your chest because Jungkook got hurt to protect you. Your fingers gently brush his bruise and you see his abs flexing by pain but he doesn’t say anything.

"We should ask a first-aid kit to the reception" You tell him, your throat chocked

Your husband only nods and grabs the phone next to the bed. He knows you so well, he knows you feel guilty while you shouldn’t. He is the one who’s guilty. He put you in danger. But you’re so caring that you won’t ever believe it. And right now, you need to do something for him, in this case, lick his wounds.

Quickly enough, some staff knocks on your door and brings you what you’ve asked for. You tell Jungkook to seat on the bed and start to disinfect. The fact that he doesn’t even hiss is a pound in your heart because it means he is used to it. How many times did he get hurt without you even knowing? Did he have to heal his wounds alone? That’s the saddest thing ever, to know your husband was hurt and alone.

Your shaky fingers apply some ointment as delicately as possible. You even blow on the bruise to soothe the pain away. The final step is the bandage. You grab a huge amount of compresses and secure them with a medical strip. When you’re done, your hands rest on Jungkook’s chest. You can feel his heartbeats underneath your fingertips and it’s comforting. You feel connected to him and maybe your heart settles to the same pace.

"I love you" He says, in the simplest yet most sincere way

"I love you" You reply

"Come here"

Your husband pulls you next to him on the bed to cuddle you. He whispers in your ears that everything is going to be alright and oddly enough, you believe him. You close your eyes and for the first time in three days, you get to sleep without your chest aching.

Jungkook contemplates you sleeping. You’re so beautiful. He caresses your hair and his brain is working hard to think about a plan. He has to go back to your house where he keeps passports and money. It won’t be easy, police or other agents watching the place but he doesn’t have any choice. You’ll stay here and he’ll come back as soon as he can. He won’t leave you ever again, he almost died doing it once. You’re his wife, the love of his life. Maybe he is selfish but he can’t let you go.

He delicately escapes your arms and heads to the balcony with his phone. He dials the number and the same electronic voice asks him to identify himself and he does. The night is silent despite the waves, but maybe he feels like that because of the mammoth starry sky above him.

"Osmium 1-3-0-6, where the hell have you been? Do you know that everyone is looking for you? You have a mission" The female operator scolds him

"Listen, plans’ve changed. Someone tried to kill my wife. I need to make sure she’s safe"

"You can’t, the mission comes first and you know it"

Jungkook’s fist clenches, it’s so fucking unfair. He won’t ever choose his job over your life. You’re the most important thing in his life.

"Listen, I need your help" He almost begs "Can you delay the mission? Just for one day. I’ll go to my house tomorrow and grab some stuff. When I’m sure my wife is safe, I swear I’ll get the mission done. You know me, I never fail"

He can hear the operator sighing, fighting against what’s is fair and what’s right.

"Okay…" She concedes "But you only have one day"

"Thank you. Really, you don’t know what it means to me. Good night, operator" Jungkook’s smile is clearly noticeable in his voice

"Good night, Osmium 1-3-0-6"

Jungkook steps inside the room but stops when he sees you looking at him.

"Are you going back?" You ask but your voice implores him to stay

"I need to. I have some passports and money. So you will take the first flight for Bali and I’ll join you as soon as I can"

"Please, don’t go" Your eyes are filled with tears and your husband’s heart breaks because he feels like it’s the only thing he’s seeing in them lately

"Baby, everything’s gonna be fine" He reassures you before kissing you "All I care about is you. If you’re safe, I’m safe"

"How can I be safe without you?" You ask, grabbing his hands

"I’ll show you how much I love you and then, you’ll understand why I need to go back" He whispers and kisses you again

This time, it’s deeper and more sensual. His palms cage your jaws and his tongue sneaks inside your mouth. You hands caress your husband’s naked back and he pulls you closer. He captures your lips deliciously and his fingers quickly find the hem of your dress to pull it off. Your perfect body, only covers by your undergarment, is lightened by the pale light of the moon. You look like a goddess. Are you even real? Maybe Jungkook is dreaming, he can’t believe he is this lucky.

"So gorgeous" He whispers, his hands fondling your thighs, your stomach, your arms and your breasts make you shiver in pleasure

His mouth can’t stay too long without touching yours, almost like you were his oxygen. His expert fingers undo your bra and free your boobs. Your mouth-watering mounds are calling him and he can’t resist. His tongue licks your right erected nipple before sucking on it so hard that your head rolls back with a raspy moan. Your panties get soaked in a second. Your hands are in your husband’s raven hair and the sparkle of your diamond ring in his black locks is ethereal.

Jungkook kisses your skin until he reaches your other nipple. The first one feels cold because the light breeze laps the wet spot. Jungkook loves your tits. Actually, he loves everything of you. You can feel his tongue rolling around your nipple and sweet moans form in your mouth. You tug on your husband’s hair, making him growl against your thin skin. He kisses every single inch of your breasts, manifesting how much he worships you. So much that your tits get swollen by his ministrations.

Then, he gently guides you towards the bed, his mouth glued to yours once again. He makes you lay down upon the soft and delicately-scented bedding. A wave of panic grows in your body when Jungkook’s kisses head South, placing his large body between your open legs.

"Kook, don’t, you’re hurt"

"I’m okay, baby" He reassures you while he is leaving sweet pecks in your inner thighs "Let me take care of you"

His fingers brush upon your clothed clit and you can’t think straight enough to argue. Your back arches and your fists clench on the sheets. When Jungkook is satisfied with the way your panties stick to your soaked pussy, he grabs the hem of them and slides them down purposely slow. Your skin gets so sensitive by his intense yet slow movements that you’re going insane. Your cunt clenches and is dripping by the expectation of his touch.

You can feel Jungkook’s breath on your wet pussy and it makes you shiver. Your husband is mesmerized by the beauty of your glistening sex and the way it appeals him. His mouth dives into it. Delicately at first, kissing your clit and lapping your wetness, and then, rougher. His tongue applies a delightful pressure on your clit while it’s rolling around. Your sweet whimpers paint a smirk on Jungkook’s face, he loves the sounds you make so much.

Your legs want to close because of the pleasure almost unbearable to take but Jungkook keeps them firmly open with his large and warm palms. When his tongue takes a fat strap from your entrance to your clit, you almost loose it. Your eyes shut and your hand finds his hair to press his pretty face deeper against your pussy. Your husband is literally making out with your sex and it’s really hot. He really knows how to provide you pleasure, and even more when two of his digits enter you. You gasp his name and your walls immediately tighten around his fingers.

He sets a nice rhythm and doesn’t leave your clit with his mouth. You feel overwhelmed by his touch, especially when his free hand grabs your boob. You glance at it and you feel a particularly intense emotion at the sight of the silver band around his finger. Instinctively, your other hand settles upon his, intertwining your fingers in a weird way against your flesh but you don’t really care.

When Jungkook harshly sucks on your sensitive bud and curls his fingers to caress your g-spot, your head rolls back.

"I’m gonna come" You whisper with a voice broken by the pleasure

"Please do. Come for me, baby" Your husband spurs you, pumping his digits faster into your cunt

Your walls get impossibility tight and your whole body shakes when you cum. Your mouth is wide open but it’s impossible for you to make any sound as your sexual high brings you beyond clouds.

Jungkook keeps his fingers inside you but stops moving and his mouth leaves your clit to gently kiss your inner thighs.

"You’re so pretty when you cum" He praises you and your cheeks get brightly red

His plump lips are red, swollen and juicy by a thin layer of your arousal. If sex was a person, it would be Jungkook right now. The hand that was in his hair travels down to his face to delicately caress his cheek. You can feel that his skin is rougher than usual because he hasn’t shaved but he is still the most handsome man that has ever walked on Earth. Jungkook kisses your palm while looking into your eyes. Lust and affection is clearly visible on your both faces and you can’t help bitting your lower and still swollen by your kisses lip.

The action drives Jungkook crazy and his teeth replace your own within a second. He doesn’t bite harshly because he doesn’t want to hurt you but the slight pressure he applies arouses you. Your pussy clenches around his steady fingers.

"I want you" You whisper against his soft lips

"I’m all yours" He replies like it was the most evident thing in the world

He steps back just the time to get rid off his pants and underwear and your cheeks blush a little bit more at the sight of his perfect cock. It’s big and thick but the skin is velvety. The drop of pre cum escaping his tip is glistening under the moon light and your mouth waters. Your eyes slowly go up to admire his also perfect body. You love his abs and pecs, he is so hot. Especially when his tattooed hand grabs his dick to give him a few pumps, even though he is hard as hell — he means, how could he not when his gorgeous spouse is naked in front of him?

But your heart gets punched when you see his bandage on his left side. Jungkook must notice your face getting tensed because he reaches out to grab your hand.

"I’m okay"

You simply nod because you’re afraid that your voice might be weak by your dry throat.

Jungkook places himself between your open legs and his dark eyes caress your whole body, from your swollen pussy to your so pretty face, passing by your tits. He is so damn lucky. He knows that if he had twenty other lives, he’d love you each single time.

He guides his cock to your entrance and slowly enters you. You feel your walls getting stretched and the feeling is so good that you almost cum again. When he is deep inside you and you are literally full, your husband leans down to kiss you. Your legs wrap around his tiny waist and your fingers intertwine on both sides of your head.

He presses his forehead against yours and your breaths mix when he slides his cock almost out before stuffing in deep into you again.

"More" You moan

Jungkook smiles and starts pounding you. He absolutely loves making love to you. He loves your face torn by pleasure. He loves how your back arches to feel him better. He loves how your rounded boobs bounce in rhythm. And he loves feeling your tight pussy around his fat cock.

"You’re taking me so good, baby" He praises you and he knows you love it because your cunt tightens

His hands hold yours harder when he enhances the pace. His strong thighs allows him to give you powerful and deep dick strokes. Your moans fill the room and levitate in the air through the open window. You don’t care at all if someone hears you while you’re making love with your husband.

Your legs pull Jungkook closer to you, making your chests crash into each other. It’s almost like your hearts are connected. Your husband’s face disappears in the crook of your neck to kiss your thin and sensitive skin.

"Oh my god!" You scream when he pounds roughly into you

Your eyes roll back and you’re going insane. This is so much pleasure to take.

"You’re fucking me so good" Your voice is shaky because of the way your body jolt

Jungkook smirks against your skin at your compliment and he frees one of his hands to press it against your lower belly.

"Do you feel that?" He asks and you gasp at his dick popping under your skin

Your orphan hand desperately needs to grab into something not to loose your mind and settles on the back of Jungkook’s neck. His black hair is tickling your fingers and you roll them into the end of his locks.

"I’m so close, honey" You inform him but Jungkook already knows by your clenching walls

"Fuck, you’re tight" He growls, his own head rolling back but only a second because he can’t take his eyes off of you "You’re so beautiful, Y/N. I’m so fucking lucky to have you" He says between two breaths

Your eyes water at the pleasure provided by his big cock and at his touching words. Your hand slides toward his cheek that you caress with your thumb like you can with the way your whole body rattles by his deep humping.

Your lips form the words ‘I love you’ in silence and your husband captures your lips once again. His hand on your stomach travels down and reaches your clit to draw magic circles. Your hand squeezes your husband’s next to your head. You know he is driving you towards the edge. He is fucking you so deep that you’re sure you’ll have bruises on your inner thighs.

His fingertips press harder on your sensitive bud while his dick is pounding into your dripping pussy. Your head rolls back on the soft pillow and your toes curl. You scream your husband’s name when you cum, body shaking with delightful waves of pleasure. The beauty of your face when you’re experiencing an orgasm is so perfect that that, combined to your throbbing cunt around his cock, sends Jungkook right into space. He growls your name and he frowns when he paints your walls with his white and thick cum.

He collapses on your body, heavily panting, and you caress his sweaty hair. Jungkook wraps you into his strong arms and hugs you tight while his cock is softening but still buried into you.

"My precious wife" He whispers into your ear

He gathers his last strengths and rolls on the side of the bed. His arm sneaks around your frame to pull you close. You listen to his heartbeats, echoing the soothing sounds of the waves outside. Suddenly, Jungkook’s chest wiggles as he is laughing lowly. You lift up your face to look at him with a questioning eye. Jeez, he is so handsome with his lazy fucked out smile.

"We got married here" He explains with a sweet voice that is like a melody "I was remembering how happy I was when we spent our first night as wife and husband"

"I can’t believe you hired actors to play your parents at our wedding" You say but your voice is nothing like a reproach even though Jungkook tenses

"I’m sorry"

"Don’t be. I understand that you just wanted to protect me. Honestly, I think that, if I knew the truth, I would have been so stressed and scared for you that I would already have had a heart attack"

Jungkook gives you a tender smile and caresses your cheek with his fingertips.

"I want you to promise me something" You speak up

"Sure, babe" He encourages you to pursue

"Promise me that you won’t leave me ever again" Your voice breaks a little and your eyes water to the point your vision gets blurry "You don’t know how hard it was to be in our home without you. You don’t know how empty and sad and broken I felt. I won’t survive if you leave me, Jungkook, so please, don’t do it ever again"

Jungkook’s chest tightens and he gulps with difficulty. Fuck, he didn’t know he’s hurt you this much. He was so fucking stupid to leave you, even though he thought he was protecting you.

"I promise"

He promises to you but also to himself. Whatever how fucked up the situation is, he won’t leave you. He will protect you and you’ll have the happy ending you deserve. He knows he doesn’t deserve you so he has to do everything he can to make you happy. If you ask him to die for you, he’ll do it without even hesitating. But he will stay with you as long as you are willing him to.

"I love you more than anything, Y/N. More than my own life. Remember that"

You nod and kiss your husband. Your head regains its place on Jungkook’s chest like it just simply belongs there and you both fall asleep and in love again, just like your wedding day at the very same place.

—————

The first thought that comes to Jungkook’s mind when he wakes up with your naked body still pressed against his is ‘God, my girl is hot’. Then, ‘I love her so fucking much’. His phone informs him that’s only six am but he needs to go. He kisses your forehead and covers your beautiful frame with the sheet. He dresses up with the same black hoodie and sweatpants from yesterday and leaves the room, not without glancing at you one last time.

He makes a stop at the reception.

"Hi, could you get some clothes for my wife, please?" He asks and the receptionist nods

He notes on a paper your size and the clothes you need. Maybe it’s the last domestic gesture he’ll do today.

When he reaches his car, or more like the truck he has stolen yesterday because his busted windshield was not really discrete, he makes a call to pretty much the only person he can trust.

"I need your help" He speaks with a low-pitched and serious tone

He then explains the situation and the two men agree to meet in a few hours. Driving helps him concentrate. It might be the most dangerous mission he has ever had so far and God knows how dangerous his job is. He makes a clear plan in his head: his colleague will join him and the both of them will discreetly enter your house. They’ll be quick and Jungkook will only grab the things he needs and disappears. Then, he’ll drive back to you and makes sure you leave South Korea safely. He’ll finish his job and join you to start a new life far away from all this mess. This way, you will live happy together without having to look behind you. Jungkook will settle to a new job, maybe be a mechanic since he likes cars. Maybe you could even start a family.

Yes, the plan is perfect.

He stops in front of a coffee shop to pick up his colleague. He is dressed up in all black, just like Jungkook, except that his clothes fit tighter on his tall body. He is the one who sent him the secret texts you found out. Jungkook doesn’t know his real name, neither than the man. They’re colleagues but they trust each other with their lives, job requires… Jungkook is a man of action while his colleague is kind of the brain. He gives Jungkook all the information he needs and provides him all the fake documents he needs for his cover. It’s also true that the man has to jump into action sometimes when Jungkook is into real shit so your husband knows that his colleague knows how to fight and hold a gun. And even though they don’t know much about each other except from work, Jungkook knows that the guy is just one year older than him and is a real flirt. After five years of working together, they’ve got to know each other by chatting after missions all around the world. A weird professional friendship has developed between the two.

"Hi, Osmium" The man says

"Hi, Gallium. Thank you for helping me" Jungkook replies

"Don’t worry. I’m happy to" Gallium — code name — reassures him with a genuine smile

The two men drive to your suburban neighborhood. Obviously, the whole mess Jungkook made yesterday didn’t go unnoticed. You live in the typical middle-class area where only normal families own a house. It might be boring sometimes for Jungkook — but his secret life provides him enough adrenaline to make it though it — but he’s thankful that you’re, normally, safe there. Until yesterday and a fucking hitman tried to kill you. The thought makes Jungkook tighten his grip on his wheel.

Jungkook has stopped the car a few meters away from your address. Gallium has brung some guns and ammunitions for the two of them and they prep their weapons. As usual, Jungkook feels his heart beating slow and loud in his chest. He is fully concentrate, maybe even more than normal because he knows your life is at stake.

Jungkook and Gallium sneak into Seokjin and Aecha’s garden and your husband looks through the stupid hence they were always complaining about. The rough branches are poking at his face in a unpleasant way but he doesn’t care. He winces a little when he sees that the garden is even more messed up than yesterday, which means you won’t be happy about it. Like at all. Jungkook uses his hand language to inform his colleague that two policemen are watching the backdoor.

The two men jump over the hence in a smooth and silent move. The policemen don’t even have time to react that Jungkook and Gallium get behind them and lock their arms around the policemen’s throat. The two men in uniform try to fight back but in vain: the oxygen doesn’t irrigate their brain or their muscles and they faint. Jungkook and Gallium let them fall on the ground slowly and head to the door. They have their guns in their hands now and are as discreet as cats. They are moving slowly but surely, always checking all round them to detect any enemies.

Jungkook points his hand toward the stairs and Gallium nods, taking the lead for checking the place. Your husband’s heart is loud in the absolutely silent house. He doesn’t even recognize it. Further than the bullet holes and broken glasses everywhere, it’s the atmosphere that has changed. It used to be a welcoming home, full of love. Now it looks cold and uneasy, like everything is tinted in a cold tone. That’s why Jungkook thinks that maybe his house used to be charming because of you and only you.

He goes up and takes care to avoid the sixth step because it squeaks. Someway, his heart squeezes a little in chest at the sight of your completely destroyed bedroom. The windows are busted and there are feathers pretty much everywhere on the ground.

Jungkook steps closer to your nightstand where a picture of your wedding has miraculously survived. His eyes immediately soften. He clearly remembers that his breath was cut out when you appeared in your beautiful white dress. And when you said ‘I do’, he thought that he was the luckiest man on Earth because you could have had any man you wanted and you still chose him. Your husband is in love with you like the first day, maybe even more. He feels like he loves a little more every single day you spend together and honestly, he doesn’t understand how all his love for you can fit in his body.

"Hey" Gallium whisper-yells

Jungkook jolts and regains his concentration. He walks to your spacious dressing room and uses the shelves to climb up until he reaches the bag he has hidden upon the double-door. He reaches down and opens the bag to make sure he has everything: money, passports and all the fake documents you’ll need to make a new life.

"Okay" Jungkook informs his colleagues while he is closing the bag "I have—"

His sentence fades when a harsh stroke hits the back of his head. The impact is precise, at the right place to make him pass out instantly. The darkness floods his vision and the last thought he has is you.

Something’s wrong. You can feel it by the itching filling up every inch of your body. It’s sunset and your husband hasn’t returned yet. When you woke up in an empty bed, you felt a wave of panic until your eyes landed on the sweet note Jungkook had written for you. He told you he loved you and would be back in the afternoon. So you kept yourself occupied all day, trying to think about other things to evacuate your stress. The hotel staff knocking at your door around lunch time with a full bag of new clothes kind of helped you with that. As you were putting your new underwear, jeans, long sleeve black t-shirt and Converses on, your chest went warmed up by Jungkook’s caring. Gosh, your husband is so perfect.

Except he is not here while he should be. Something is wrong. You’re walking back and forth in the hotel room, checking your phone every thirty seconds. Should you call him? What if you do and his phone rings and someone notices him? You’re afraid to make things worse. But for God’s sake, where is your husband? Your breath is shaky, just as your hands. You’re so worried about him. Your heart must have broke the record for the fastest pace now.

When you’re about to truly lose your mind, your phone rings. The sudden sound in your too quiet room makes you jump. At first, you thought it was your husband but the number is unknown.

"Hello?" You answer, unsure

"Jeon Y/N?" A female speaks

"This is she" Your voice is chocked because of your dry throat

"I work with your husband. He needs you"

What? What’s going on? The woman said she works with Jungkook, does she mean his secret job that you still don’t understand? And what does she mean by he needs you? Is he hurt? Is he in danger? If yes, what can you do? You don’t know anything about guns and secret missions and what so ever! You start to panic. Like a real big wave of anxiety that makes you breathe heavy and quick. You’re not made for that, for all that stress. You’re a normal person, just a wife leaving her life in a quiet neighborhood and who only has to care about the flowers in her garden.

"Is he okay? Is he hurt? Please, tell me he’s alright" You speak fast, your panic clearly noticeable in your voice

"He’s fine, don’t worry" The second the unknown woman tells you that, your body immediately relaxes: if Jungkook is okay, then everything else is fine "But he won’t be able to meet you at the hotel. He asked me to give you the meeting address"

"Why he didn’t call me?" You ask, both curious and quite suspicious

Jungkook didn’t tell you much about his job but he had made one thing real clear: he’s hidden you to protect you. So why would he ask someone of his job to call you while he would have done it himself? The itching in your body tenses you up. Something is not right but you don’t know what.

"He couldn’t" She replies but doesn’t give any more explanation "So, there is a disused warehouse not so far away from Geoje. Your husband is waiting for you there so you can leave the South Korean territory after that. But you need to be discreet. Don’t inform anyone where you’re going. If you can, rent a car and drive by yourself. Otherwise, someone could find your husband and hurt him. Please be quick"

The woman on the phone is telling you so much informations in such a short time period that you’re not sure to understand everything. Every time a word is leaving her mouth, you wonder ‘what the hell is going on?’. The only thing you care about is Jungkook. You just want him to be safe and you’ll do anything for that. So you don’t question her — what could you ask anyway, you’re so lost right now — and head to the reception. You ask where you can rent a car and don’t waste a second.

Your hands are shaking on the wheel and you can’t make the itching feeling disappear. You can feel it in your guts. Should you call the police? You’re not sure, the woman said that it can put Jungkook in danger… You try to call your husband but you have no response. Maybe it’s a trap but you can’t care because you can feel that Jungkook needs you.

You arrive at the address the mysterious woman gave you and you’re not relieved when you discover a creepy and far from any civilization abandoned building. It looks so much like a horror movie. What the hell are you doing here? Did you forget that this was not a movie and that you could be killed? Of course not. But you also didn’t forget that Jungkook may be in danger… You’re facing a dilemma here. Should you enter? You’re so freaking scared and the adrenaline rushing through your veins doesn’t help to think. You try to breathe deeply and slowly but it only brings some tears to your eyes because you’re terrified. How could your life have become such a mess? You want to back in time, when you didn’t know anything about the guns in your house and Jungkook’s lies about his job. Life was way easier then.

You grab your wheel, close your eyes and say out loud: ‘You can do it. You’re doing this for Jungkook. So pull yourself together and go to the freaking warehouse’. You nod to give you confidence when you clearly lack it. You don’t even have the courage to close the car door by fear to make some noise.

The place is huge and empty and cold and you’re freaking terrified. You don’t like it. Your heart is beating so fast that you’re afraid it might stop. You’re looking everywhere but you don’t see anyone. Where is Jungkook? Is he okay? Why would he ask you to meet in such a creepy place? He’d know that it would scare you.

When you’re about to run away you spot a big form on the ground. You’re not sure that it is because it’s pretty dark but your body moves by itself and steps closer. Your heartbeat echoes each of your steps. You almost faint when you recognize your husband.

"Jungkook!" You yell and run to him

He is unconscious and a big stain of dry blood is spoiling his handsome face. His hands and feet are tied. Your hands grab his face and you try to wake him up. Is he dead? The thought is too painful for you to accept it. You start crying and Jungkook is still not waking up!

"Please, wake up! Honey, wake up! Tell me what to do. I’m so scared" You sob and hug his heavy and flaccid body

You wipe your tears and try to loosen the ropes around his wrists but they’re too tight. What the hell is going on? What happened to him?

You gasp when you hear some steps behind you. You turn around and press Jungkook deeper into your embrace. You frown at the familiar frame. A frame you haven’t seen in years. But you might be wrong because that’s just crazy if he were there.

"Taehyung?" You ask in a whisper

"Y/N?"

"Oh my god!" You sigh quite relieved that it’s someone you know "Please, help me. I don’t know what’s going on! My husband is unconscious and I need to get him out of here"

Taehyung walks to you and you think he is going to help with the ties but he grabs you wrist instead. So roughly that it hurts. He pulls you hard to force you to stand up.

"What are you doing?!"

"You have to get out of here" He tells you with a deep voice that makes you shiver

"I know! But I have to help my husband"

You free your hand and go back to Jungkook, still unconscious. You don’t really know why you do what you do but you discreetly slide the photo of your husband and you that you keep in your phone case in his hoodie pocket. Call it instinct, call it adrenaline or call it craziness, you can’t explain it either.

"You don’t even know him!" Taehyung shouts, so loud that you jolt

You look at him with a mix of disbelief and scare. What is he talking about?

"You don’t know anything about him, Y/N. Do you know his job? Do you know how many people he has hurt? He has murdered? Do you think he is a good man?" He says like a snake, tongue hissing and eyes narrowing

"He is…" You can only whisper, completely taken aback

"He has lied to you. He has lied about everything! Do you think he loves you? Y/N, don’t be stupid. He is just using you not to catch attention! No one would suspect a husband living in the suburb with his perfect wife. You’re nothing but a cover"

"Stop! Jungkook is not like that!" You shout while closing your eyes but your words lack conviction

You did question yourself when you found out about his job. You did ask yourself if Jungkook was sincere and if he truly loves you. But when you look into Jungkook’s eyes, you can see that he does. Yes, he has a lot of secrets but he wouldn’t use you… Would he?

Taehyung is messing with your brain and it’s an easy thing to do when you feel so lost and terrified. You put your hands on your ears: you need silence! You need to think! It could be so much easier if Jungkook could wake up now.

"We don’t have time" Taehyung argues, grabbing your hand once again to pull you away from Jungkook "We have to go"

He wraps his arms around your frame and lift you up so your feet can’t touch the ground. You panic when he starts walking away. You wrestle but your strength is not enough to stop him.

"Get off of me!" You yell "Jungkook!" You scream louder than ever when the unconscious body of your husband disappears from your line of sight

Taehyung manages to put you in his car despite your struggle and shut the door. He gets behind the wheel and starts driving. Your heart is squeezed at every feet growing between your husband and you. Leaving him alone and hurt in this scary place breaks your heart so much. You’re worried about him and you just pray for someone to save him.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask, breaking the heavy silence

"For you" Taehyung answers, his voice way softer than before

"Please, I’m begging you, I need to go back. Jungkook needs me"

"He doesn’t, Y/N" He sighs, his hand running through his brown hair in frustration and anger "I already told you, he doesn’t care about you. Did you know that the agency told him to not get married because you could be in danger? And he still did it, because he doesn’t care about you!"

"Stop talking!" You shout

You know Taehyung is lying. You know it. But your heart hurts anyway because there is a tiny teeny chance that he might be right… The fact is that Taehyung has never lied to you while your husband did. And Taehyung has no reason to lie. But you just can’t believe that Jungkook is a complete liar! You feel so lost right now because nothing makes sense!

"I’m sorry for everything" Taehyung sighs and drives into the night

After you were gone, another car approached the warehouse. A woman jumped out of the vehicle and ran, completely panicked, inside. She did the same thing you’ve done a few minutes before: checking everywhere until she found Jungkook. Just like you, she ran to him and called out his name to wake him up. Only this time, he did.

The pain in his head is atrocious. His memories are blurry and the darkness around him doesn’t help him to dissipate his confusion. He can vaguely see and feel a woman next to him, basically hugging him in relief.

"Baby?" He asks with a raspy voice, confused

"It’s me" She answers with a voice that sounds very familiar to him while she pulls out a little knife from her pocket to cut the ropes "Are you okay?"

"Operator?" Jungkook questions again, even more lost now

"Yes"

It’s the first time Jungkook is seeing the woman behind the phone. It’s a strange feeling because she is just the voice in his ear, guiding him through the buildings he has to sneak in, or telling him what to say to the person he has to get information from. Usually, agents don’t meet their operator. It’s too dangerous, they know too much about each other.

"What happened? What are you doing here?"

"When you told me that you wanted to go back to your house, I knew you would need someone. When I checked Gallium profile, I saw he wasn’t on a mission so I knew you would ask him. But then, I found something weird: he has resigned. All of the sudden. And I had a bad feeling so I traced your phone and I found you. God, I’m so glad I did"

Jungkook tries to take a better look at his savior while trying to understand this whole messed up situation. Did Gallium betray him? Why? Was he the one asking information about you and him? Fuck, it’s insane… Jungkook winces at the pain thinking provokes to his injured head.

"Thanks" He tells the woman who only nods and helps him to stand up

She is small and fragile. Jungkook didn’t know what to expect from his operator because he hasn’t really tried to imagine her before but she is younger than he thought. Maybe his age or slightly older. Her hair is short, barely touching her shoulders, in a light brown color. Her features, that are surely cute normally, are tensed by worry.

"I have to go to the hotel, my wife is waiting for me" Jungkook informs her when they seat in the car

Your husband notices the grimace on the woman’s face and her deep sad eye.

"What? What’s going on? Is she okay?" Jungkook asks, panicked

"She’s okay but… Jungkook, I’m sorry" She says, resting her small hand on Jungkook’s big one to comfort him

"What?"

"She left. With another man" She drops the bomb

The whole world has stopped. Jungkook’s heart has stopped too. No, that’s just impossible. You love him and he loves you. We made love yesterday and you even asked him to never leave you… That doesn’t make any sense. What the fuck is going on?! The pound in Jungkook’s chest is so heavy that he can’t even breathe properly.

"Who?" He manages to ask despite the horrible lump in his throat

"I don’t know, I just saw them leaving the hotel before I came here. I wanted to check on her but she was with this man"

"Then, Y/N is in danger. We have to find her and save her. We could—"

Jungkook’s is cut off by the operator while he is already trying to make a plan in his head.

"They were holding hands and she called him by his name. They knew each other. I’m sorry" She explains, sad to witness Jungkook being so devastated

"I need to go to the hotel"

The woman nods and starts driving.

The car barely has stopped that Jungkook steps out and runs to your room. But it’s empty. You’re not here, and your few items you had with you either. Jungkook is going to die. He can feel it in his bones. He has already faced death, he knows that it looks like and he has never felt so close. The pain in his chest… There is no word to describe it.

You left him.

To be continued...

I'm so so so sorry for taking this long. As you can see, the story is very long and it's just the half of it. I still hope that you liked it (if you did, pls let me know in the comments 🩷)

Taglist @llallaaa @jjk174 @tatamicc @chimmisbae @chl0buggy @ggukieskookie @11thenightwemet11 @ttanniett @lallataegi

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eucalyptus-lvs · 4 months ago

Text

Good Luck Charm - Carmen Berzatto x Reader

This is the first story I've posted, but I have other ideas if you guys want more. Writing has become a new outlet for me so I appreciate any constructive criticism or any thoughts you may have. Carmy is such a fun character to write for and my own personal brain rot atm. I hope to do more in the future. I also like to listen to music while I write and I feel like Again by Still Woozy goes well with this one.<3

TW: Idk honestly. Mentions of dead brothers, debt, and a heated makeout?

"You think if you scrub any harder you'll put a hole in the floor?"

He stood quickly. Startled by your presence in the kitchen. "What are you still doing here? Thought you left like an hour ago."

"Well, I was gonna, but then I feared if I left without you you'd still be here when I come in for my shift tomorrow.” You took a few small steps forward. As if you were worried you'd scare him off. There always seemed to be this air around you two. One that was hard to ignore in the times you had spent alone together. “Then I thought you could use some time to wind down before I attempt to push you out the door so I tried to see if I could make any progress on Mikey's paperwork."

"Did you?" Tossing the rag into the container and moving his hands to his hips.

"I think that would depend on your definition of progress"

"Yeah, well I haven't exactly been able to figure that shit out either."

"We'll figure it out, Carm."

He sighed and looked around the kitchen. "I've just got a couple more-"

"Nope." You take strides across the kitchen to get to him. "Those couple things will turn into another couple things until you've managed to work yourself into an early grave from exhaustion. I mean you're a head chef and you frequently forget to eat. It sounds like the beginning of a bad joke." You laugh, trying to reach for the keys to the restaurant. Only for him to snatch them off the counter and out of arms reach. "Carmy-"

"Nice try" He moved them out of reach again.

"Will you just-" You attempt to reach for them again as he manages to move them further from you.

“Oooh, you were so close that time.” Leaning against the counter, he barks out a laugh. Probably a product of the years he had spent smoking.

“Cut it out. C’mon.” You said shyly ducking your head a bit.

“Sorry, just enjoyin’ this way too much.'' He covered his mouth with his hand to hide his growing grin. There was something about you that he found so comfortable. He wonders if that's the reason he finds himself being so bold in this moment.

Leaning to the side, you prop yourself against the counter next to him. Settling in and resigning to the fact that he is not going to make getting him out the door easy for you. “You were one of those guys in high school, weren't you?” Narrowing your eyes a bit.

“An’ what kinda guy would that be?” He challenged.

“Y'know- The guy. Mr. Fuckin’ Popular. Had the girls lining up for you. Always good for a laugh.” Your teasing tone let him know that you weren't all that upset at him poking fun at you.

“Think the only laugh I'd be good for is if you knew how wrong you were.”

“Bullshit.” You shot back, shaking your head.

“No, really. I uh- pretty much stuck to myself. Just hung around Mikey and Richie. The family mostly. Was too fuckin’ awkward to make my own friends. Had this stutter too. Didn't really bother talkin’ to anyone if I didn't have to.” This time he ducked his head. Scratching the back of it like he was embarrassed to admit it.

“Well, you don't seem to have a problem talking to me.”

He shrugged. “It's different. Different time too.”

Your eyes met for a moment as you both took a pause. “I think we would have been good friends.”

“Bullshit. You wouldn't have even noticed me.”

“I would have noticed you.” You affirmed with such conviction he almost believed it.

Looking at you now he imagines that if you had met then his life would look very different. He wouldn't have been a couple hundred grand in the hole with a sandwich shop he only had because his brother killed himself. You would have been there for all of it.

Chicago, Paris, Copenhagen, New York. Every destination and every major moment.

You would have been together.

If he really indulges himself, he thinks maybe even with a kid on the way. Of all the what-ifs that came to mind, there was only one thing he knew for sure.

You were the real deal.

He allows himself to stay in this bubble with you and before he can think about any consequences he responds. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You whispered. Nodding your head as you both start to lean closer.

Timedly you take your time to meet in the middle. Each gives the other an opportunity to back out, but neither of you takes it. Once your lips touched it felt like a shock to his system. You'd usually been so soft, almost cautious in your dealings with him.

But this was not that.

You pressed yourself against him. Kissing him fiercely and with so much need he was worried that if he tried to open his eyes it would have all been a dream. Another cruel joke his mind had played on him only to wake up alone. Reminding him of all the things he never felt he could have.

Your hands card up into his hair, tugging at the stands. He lets out a deep groan as he switches positions to place you between himself and the counter.

He realizes now how much of a habit it is for you to look out for him. While everyone took the first chance they got to go home, you stayed behind to make sure he would get rest. Then, you took that extra time to try and figure out the clusterfuck of paperwork sitting on his desk.

You show no signs of discomfort as his hands begin to trail your body. Pushing you further against the counter to get as close to you as physically possible. He almost thought he could feel your heart pounding as your chest pressed against his, but knew it was more likely that it was his own. So caught up in you that every detail of this moment felt fuzzy and distorted.

So caught up he didn't realize you started grinding against each other.

One hand cupped around the back of your neck to keep you in place. The other moved down to your ass to aid your movement as you hooked a leg over his hip. His chest burned and heaved. Breath heavy from being cut off from oxygen for so long, but not wanting to break the moment. He wanted to give you something to remember. Not screaming during lunch rush or getting into a fistfight with a guy in a fuckin’ carrot costume.

Something good.

There weren't many times in his life he felt particularly lucky, but when he moved his head down to mouth at your neck. He'd never felt so lucky in his life.

Your head tipped back, letting out a chocked sigh. Followed by the ‘uh, uh, uh’ perfectly timed with the movement of your hips against his growing length. Gripping a hand on the back of his shirt to keep him in place. He imagines that this is the closest he will get to redemption, to happiness, after having spent years in the hellscape that was the New York kitchen.

When he tried to lift you on the counter the large metal mixing bowl sitting to the side of you came crashing to the ground. The loud reverberation causes you to break away from each other. Effectively bursting the blissfully passionate bubble.

Your hand moved to your neck where his mouth had been. Almost certain there would be marks left behind to remind you of this moment for days to come. As you both tried to regulate your breathing Carmy couldn't help staring. Opening his mouth like he had something he wanted to say, but couldn't quite articulate what that thing was. You slide off the counter and attempt to straighten your clothes while keeping your eyes on the floor. You always had a hard time meeting his gaze when he looked at you like that. Like if he looked hard enough he might find something that wasn't there before.

“It's probably a good thing we got interrupted. Things were getting kinda heated.” You forced a chuckle.

Shit.

This was it.

You're about to tell him this was all a mistake. A heat of the moment thing that you got caught up in and you now regret. As quickly as he had you, he was gonna lose you. Another goddamn shoe was gonna drop. “No, y-yeah. I don’ want you to think-”

Your gaze returned to him. “I think if we took this any further we'd be violating about a dozen health codes after you were just on your hands and knees scrubbing the floor.”

“I could get on my hands and knees again.” He let out, slightly dazed. Running a hand through his hair in an attempt to ground himself.

“Jesus- Carmy.” you laugh, not knowing how else to respond. Sliding your hands down your face as it heats up in a heavy blush.

“I-I didn't mean it like that.” But now he’s definitely thinking it.

He also thinks, rather darkly, that he's never been happier not to have an HR department.

Truthfully, he didn't know what he meant by the comment. He just knew he wanted you and you didn't seem opposed to the idea. You haven't run away yet and that alone is enough to quiet the spiral he normally defaults to in moments of uncertainty. He had doubted himself a lot in his life, but he was sure with the way you kissed him that you wanted him the way he wanted you. “We've had a long night. Walk ya’ home?”

“Maybe you could come up? I know for a fact you haven't eaten. I may not be award-winning, but I'm sure I could manage something edible.” The smile on your face grows slightly at the prospect.

“Yeah, that's uh- that sounds good. Let's grab our stuff and we’ll head out.” Hand grazing your lower back as he moved to guide you to the lockers.

He wonders if, for the first time in a long time, his luck has turned around.

#carmen berzatto x reader #the bear #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto imagines #carmy berzatto x you #carmy x you

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matchingbatbites · 5 months ago

Text

i thee wed

Teen | 2.9k | Female Steve Harrington

A very late submission for @steddie-week Day 5: Reunion/Getting back together, as well as @stevieweek Day 4: Special Outfit.

This fic is too short to be as late as it is, but alas. It was originally supposed to be just runaway bride Stevie showing up to Eddie's home in a huge wedding gown, but somehow Carol wheedled her way into the story, so.

Read on Ao3

Stevie’s mom is doing up the last of the buttons on her dress, each one tiny and pearlescent and perfect against the white lace fabric, when Robin walks up, clearly worried about something.

“Carol's here, and she's asking to talk to you,” she says quietly before Stevie can even ask what's wrong, and oh. She's been expecting this for a while - ever since Tommy proposed, really - but she didn't think Carol would wait until the day of the wedding to actually seek her out. “What do you want me to tell her?”

Stevie hums and thinks for a moment as they smooth out the skirt, as she steps into her heels which are as white and pristine as the rest of her outfit. “I'll talk to her. She deserves that much.”

Robin continues to frown but nods. “She’s in the back hall. I'll keep an eye on everyone here, but scream if you need anything.”

“I will. Thanks, Birdie.”

It's not hard to find Carol, leaning against one of the back walls in an outfit that's too casual to be appropriate for a wedding guest. Stevie still smiles as she approaches, and receives a small one in return.

“Hi, Carol.”

“Hi, Steph. You look beautiful.”

Stevie huffs and fluffs the a-line skirt again. “Thanks. I'm kind of dying a little, if I'm being honest. I didn't realize how hot this thing would be.”

That earns her a chuckle, and Stevie feels a bit lighter- feels like this might be okay as she asks “So what can I do for you?”

Carol's expression drops, her entire being taking on an air of sadness that almost leaves Stevie breathless. She and Carol haven't really spoken in years, but it's still upsetting to see her so down.

“I'm here because- We were friends once, and I miss that. I miss you.”

Stevie can't stop herself from muttering an “I miss you too,” and Carol pushes herself off the wall. She takes Stevie’s hand in her own and starts to lead them down the hall, slow and meandering.

“You know, after everything went down, I thought I hated you. It felt like I'd been betrayed by two people I thought cared about me, two people I thought I could trust."

That hurts, even though Stevie knows it's true. Tommy and Carol had been together for years before- before. When they broke up it had been a big deal in their social circle. Stevie had honestly never planned on dating Tommy, but then the letter came, and Tommy asked her out, and- and she'd been so lonely.

"It took me a long time to realize that I had nothing against you at all; it was that Tommy dropped me the second he saw a chance to be with you. Just left me like our relationship meant absolutely nothing to him. After that it was pretty easy to come to terms with the fact that I was just a placeholder for Tommy while he waited for you."

She pauses and Stevie glances up to find Carol's sharp gaze locked on her, calculating but not quite cold. "Just like you're using him as a placeholder right now.”

“Tommy's not a placeholder-”

“Eddie's out of jail.”

Stevie freezes on the spot. Carol might as well have stabbed her with the pain that shoots through her chest, the ache that had dimmed in the last four years coming back with a fucking vengeance.

“What?”

“I ran into him last week. He got out a couple months ago. Tried to get in contact with you a few times.”

Steve swallows around nothing and reaches up to grab her necklace, something that only intensifies her pain as her brain screams that it's the wrong shape, that it's not right.

“I don't know why. He already said everything he had to say to me, right in black and white.”

Carol tugs on her hand, guiding her down the hall once more. “See, I asked him about the letter, and he had no idea what I was talking about. He told me that he sent you dozens of letters, but none of them talked about him being done with you.”

Dozens? Stevie only ever got one letter from Eddie, a single page that ripped her heart to shreds, that crushed every dream she’d had about their life together. “What else did he say?” she can't help but ask, and Carol looks uncharacteristically disturbed.

“He said that Tommy and your parents have been working to keep him away from you. Steph, he said that your dad threatened him. Said that if Eddie did anything to ‘get in the way of your happiness’ that he'd make sure Eddie went back to prison and never came out again.”

Stevie stares at Carol, searching for any hint, any possibility that the woman is lying to her. Even after years apart, she can tell that Carol is telling the truth.

“Why are you telling me this?”

Carol's smile is a small, sad thing. “Like I said: we were friends, once. I want you to be happy, but more than that, you deserve to know the truth. Tommy being fucked over is just a bonus.”

She gestures to the side and Stevie looks over, out the glass door she hadn't noticed before, and sees a taxi waiting on the curb.

“That's the cab that brought me here. It's ready to take you anywhere you want to go.”

Stevie's heart lurches. She's supposed to be getting married in twenty minutes. Supposed to wear this dress she can't stand and walk down the aisle of a church she didn't choose and go to a reception that's going to be full of her parents' friends so they can show off their daughter's accomplishment.

If she was marrying the man she truly wanted, she might have been able to shove down her frustrations and just deal with it, but Tommy just isn't that man. She knows it in her heart, and when she looks at Carol, Stevie can tell that she knows it too.

And suddenly, none of it matters.

“They're gonna come looking for me.”

Carol smiles. “I'll tell them you stepped out for some air.”

Stevie is overcome by a sudden rush of affection, and she can't resist pulling her old friend into a hug. “I owe you one,” she says, and feels Carol shake her head.

“Consider it my apology for being such a bitch to you after Tommy dumped me.”

“Apology more than accepted.”

They pull apart and Stevie gives her one last smile before heading for the door.

She doesn't really remember the ride to the trailer park; it's all a blur up until the taxi slows to a stop in front of a place that Stevie used to think of as home. She thanks the driver who told her that Carol prepaid for her ride, and then climbs out.

Wayne's truck is out front, so at the very least she'll be able to apologize for not visiting anymore. She knows the man was hurting just as bad as she was when Eddie was put away, but after the letter, she hadn't even been able to look him in the face.

She knocks on the door and shifts in her heels as she waits. What if she’s too late to make things right? What if Carol really was lying and it was all just a means to get her away from the wedding, to ruin her life?

There's barely any time for her thoughts to spiral before the door swings open and she's suddenly face to face with Wayne, the man that she considered to be a better father to her than her own. He certainly seems surprised to see her, but before she can even begin to explain, he turns and calls out “Ed! You got a visitor!”

Stevie reaches for the older man and tries an “I'm so sorry-” but he shakes his head and takes her hand in his own work-worn ones.

“There'll be time for that later. I'll give you two some space for now.” He gives her hand a gentle pat before releasing it, grabs his truck keys, and heads out the door and down the steps.

Stevie hears a door open further in the trailer and steps inside just in time to see Eddie stepping into the hall, his sweatpants and tank top an extreme contrast to her lacy, fluffy wedding gown.

She's surprised to see that he's filled out a little, the lankiness he used to have now replaced with a sturdier, stronger frame, and his hair is the shortest she's ever seen it - a bit longer than buzzed now that he's been home for a little while. His eyes are the only thing that haven't changed, still the same deep pools of chocolate she remembers, although they're currently wide in surprise as he registers just who is before him.

“Stevie?”

Stevie gives a single broken “Eddie,” and then they're both moving. They meet in the middle of the tiny kitchen and cling to each other, hands and arms clutching tight like they're both worried the other will disappear if they let go. Stevie can hardly breathe through her sobs, can barely even take a breath with how her face is pressed into the skin of Eddie's neck.

The man isn't much better- she can feel the way his fingers dig into the fabric of her dress, trying to haul her closer, like the millimeters of clothing between them is still too much distance. Stevie thinks her legs must give out because they sink to the floor, her skirt pooling around them as Eddie just holds her and mutters reassurances- “I've got you baby, I'm here. Never gonna let you go again, princess.”

She doesn't know how long it takes her to stop crying. It’s only when she can actually breathe again that she pulls back enough to cup Eddie's face, to run a hand over his short curls. “Your hair,” she says, smiling through the few tears that still escape her. The man gives her a watery smile and brushes a stray lock of hair away from her face.

“I can’t believe you’re talking about me while you’re over here looking like a Bridal Barbie or something.”

That makes her laugh, and she confesses “You don’t know how much I hate this dress. It’s so awful, Teddy.”

“Let me guess, your mom vetoed the slinky, sexy dress?”

“I thought she was going to have a heart attack right there at the bridal store when I walked out wearing it.”

Eddie shakes his head and rubs his thumb over her cheek. "That's too bad. I bet you looked like a fuckin' dream, sweetheart. Honestly, you still look like a dream, even in this cake topper gown."

Stevie laughs again, and it hits her all at once how much she still loves this man, how undeniably happy he makes her. In the last four years, no one has made her feel the way Eddie did, has even looked at her the way the way he is right now. Tommy only ever looked at her with desire, like a prize to be claimed and flaunted, and her parents never really looked at her at all unless she was doing something to make them look good.

Eddie though. He's always looked at her with wonder, like he can't even believe that he's allowed to be around her, much less have her for his own. She grabs his hands, holds them tight between them.

"I left Tommy at the altar," she says and Eddie's eyes go wide in shock.

"Oh, shit. What, uh. What made you change your mind?"

"Carol came to see me. Told me what you said about him and my parents, about the letter." She pauses and takes a deep breath as tears well up in her eyes again. "Eddie, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have trusted it blindly, I should have believed in you. I promise I was gonna wait for you, and if I'm too late-"

Eddie frowns and rubs a thumb over her knuckles "I told you a long time ago, sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to. Honestly, when I found out you were engaged to Tommy, I thought that I was too late. Thought I'd fucked up too bad and you finally realized you could do better."

Stevie can't help but scoff at that. "Tommy is not better than you. He just- he was there, and he wanted me, and I- I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted someone to love me."

A soft, broken noise escapes Eddie and he tugs her into another hug. She goes willingly, clings to him as he shifts and pulls her into his lap.

"You won't be, baby. Now that I've got you, you won't ever be lonely again, not if I can help it."

"So you still love me?" Stevie asks, her voice wavering on the question that's been plaguing her for years, the question that she needs to know the answer to.

"Oh, sweetheart, of course I still love you. You're the girl of my fuckin' dreams, you know? I think I'm always gonna love you."

He loves her.

Eddie still loves her, and it's like something at the center of her being settles into place.

She pulls back just enough to kiss him, deep and desperate and everything she's wanted in the years that he's been gone. She pours every ounce of her feelings into it, her desire, her regret, and she feels like crying all over again as he returns it tenfold.

It feels like coming home, like she can finally relax because she knows Eddie has her, will always have her. He won't brush her off the way Tommy does, won't disregard her opinions or criticize her clothes or-

God, Tommy really was a piece of shit, wasn't he?

Stevie breaks the kiss but doesn't move, lets her lips brush against Eddie's as she says “Do me a favor, baby?”

“Anything, sweetheart.”

“Take me to the courthouse. Make me your wife, please."

Eddie frowns and moves back enough so he can look her in the eye. "Stevie, maybe we should take some time to think about this. I mean- I'm not the same guy you knew when I went away-"

"And I'm not the same girl. Hell, neither of us are those dumbass high schoolers that fell in love over a fucking history project. We've both grown, both changed. But Eddie, our years together were the happiest of my life, and I've gone through all of this wedding planning bullshit wishing I was marrying you instead."

Stevie moves a hand to the back of Eddie's neck and tugs until their foreheads are pressed together, and she can stare into endless pools of Eddie's eyes. "I wanna be your wife, Eddie. We can figure out everything else after.”

Eddie lets out a shuddering breath and nods, mutters a soft "Yeah, okay. I mean, can't say I haven't literally dreamed about it."

"Well, I think we should make some dreams come true, yeah?" She presses a quick kiss to his mouth, not letting it linger before she says "You gotta change though. As hot as you look right now, we can't get married while you're in sweatpants."

They're stopped outside the church by a red light on the way to the courthouse.

Stevie can't help but grin at the sight of people scattering from the building as Tommy stands on the front steps, his face tomato red as he throws what seems to be the mother of all tantrums. Stevie's father is yelling back at him, and her mother is off to the side looking absolutely distressed as Tommy's parents try to calm the two men down.

The van is in the far right lane, giving Stevie a perfect view of the chaos, and a thought crosses her mind. She rolls down the window and shifts until her torso is nearly hanging out of it, and she brings a hand up to her mouth. The whistle is loud enough to cut through the noise, and Tommy and her parents all turn to see her.

He barely gets out a "Steph?" before she chucks the ring he proposed with in his direction. It hits the sidewalk and bounces a couple of times, and she can see when the realization of what it is hits Tommy.

"What the fuck-" he starts, but doesn't finish. Stevie yells a "Fuck you, Hagan!" and flips him off as the light changes and Eddie starts to pull away. She lurches a bit as the van moves and she feels a steadying hand settle on her waist as Eddie cackles behind her.

Stevie settles back in her seat and rolls the window up, and looks over to see Eddie beaming like he just won the lottery. "I fuckin' love you, Stephanie Harrington," he says, and she smiles as their hands lace together.

"I love you too," she replies, wanting nothing more than to cross over the center console and plant herself in Eddie's lap. "And that'll be Stephanie Munson soon, if you can hurry the fuck up."

Eddie laughs again at that and brings their hands up so he can press a kiss to the heirloom ring he'd given her earlier. "Hang on, baby."

Stevie grins as she clings to him, and as the van speeds toward the center of town, she knows she'll hang on to him as long as she possibly can.

Divider Credit

#i love a good runaway bride but i've never done one myself so #also stevie's dad is the one who pulled strings to get eddie arrested in the first place #because he hated seeing his daughter with him #female steve harrington #steddieweek2024 #stevie week #stevieweek24 #steddie #steddie fic #steve x eddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #joey writes

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leviraaaaaa · 1 year ago

Text

“I hate it.”

You looked up at him, gritting your teeth through the words. You were angry, so so angry. Furious, enraged, aggravated. Who does he think he is, that fucking Jaeger?

Eren’s last letter finally came through. The one where he says he was going to raid Liberio and asked the scouts for help. Or did he? With or without help, he said. The audacity.

After all the shit you and the others had to go through, the huge reports trying to explain why he went missing, answering the higher ups about his disappearance, trying to justify it, seeking up excuses. Then he has the fucking nerve to send these letters.

You had stormed out right after Hange read out the words, not even bothering to ask to be excused. You were tired of dealing with that emo teenage brat.

But Levi gave no reaction to the sharpness of your tone, already aware of the cause of your temper. He was there in the room, his expression had tightened just as yours had. And he must’ve followed you right after.

He always does.

Without a word, he lowered himself down on the step beside you.

“This is filthy.” He scrunched his nose. “Couldn’t have found a better place?”

“I didn’t ask you to sit here.” You grumbled, rolling your eyes. You just kind of took the first isolated corner you could find. Sure, the stairs were filthy, but that was the last thing on your mind.

“Why did you follow me anyways?” You asked.

“I didn’t follow you.” Levi sighs, stretching his leg to kick a piece of rock. It flew all the way over to a wall, making soft little sounds on the pavement as it impacted. “I needed air. He pissed me off.”

You let out a noise in agreement. That’s one thing you can both agree on. Eren Jaeger was an absolute piece of shit with a talent to irritate like no other.

“Next time I’m seeing him,” You mumbled darkly. “I’m breaking a couple bones, I swear.”

“That was actually my plan, but I’d let you have the honors as well.”

“You should’ve hit him harder all those years ago, back in the courtroom.”

“Definitely.”

That made you smile.

But it was the absolute seriousness of his expression that made you crack. The stony face, with an even more stoic tone. He actually seemed to be considering the idea. As if you and him were merely discussing the weather instead of the best way to beat up an adolescent boy. Without even meaning to, you were grinning, a snort escaping you making Levi glance at you with the side of his eyes. He frowned.

“I’m serious.”

“I know you are.” You smiled. “That’s why it’s funny.” Poor Eren, he’s had it coming.”

Finally, you felt the anger go down.

It’s always like that. You get angry, you get emotional, but when you turn around, Levi’s always there, in his own strange little way, a hand on your shoulder and shooting you a look. Or times like this when you’re upset and pissed, and he just sits with you and goes along with everything you say until you feel better.

You leaned back, letting yourself fall back on your arms, kicking your legs and stretching them. Your shoulders hurt from how stiff they’ve been from the tension until now. You tilted your head to look at him.

“Look at us, making plans about how to beat up a kid half our age. What have we come to?”

“Our fucking limit.” Levi grumbled, but the scowl lessened, his brows straightening slightly at your calmer tone. His own shoulders relaxed. “He deserves it at this point.”

You grinned. Sure, you can’t really hit Eren right now, but the idea does make you feel better. For the time being at least, you’ll have to cope by daydreaming.

But you were so tired, you think. Very so.

Why is it that you could never stop running?

Eren’s shit was only the least of it, but it’s been so hard. Being a scout was never supposed to be easy. But ever since Erwin and the others died, nothing's been the same. You could hardly celebrate the success at retaking wall maria when the price to pay was the blood of everyone you knew. Even witnessing the wonder that is the sea for the first time hadn’t been as thrilling as you thought, how could it when you know there’s a whole other world beyond it, and that they want you dead? Stepping in Marley and realizing all that you’ve been kept away from, a life you couldn’t even imagine. It must be nice to live without being so terrified, scared for you and scared for your friends, you had thought. Must be nice to live without having the rest of the world label you as devils and to take the peace for granted.

You wished you could just catch a fucking break. Maybe forever.

You sighed.

“Levi.”

He gave a lazy glance. “What?”

“Let’s run away.” You muttered softly under your breath. Eyes focused on the ground. “Me and you. And Hange, if they want to come.” You sighed, pausing a little. “I hate it. I hate all of it. I’m sure you do too.”

With that, you turned to look at him, right in those silver eyes of his. They looked almost blue here in the moonlight. Was it just you or was even the wind holding its breath?

“This isn’t what I signed up for Lev. I thought I was going to fight titans, not humans.”

“What..” He asked, staring at you unblinking, almost confused. And surprised. And something else you couldn’t quite place. “What are you on about?”

“So, let’s go.”

“What?”

“I’m serious. Somewhere far away. We could just get up and leave right now.”

“..now?”

Levi gaped, struggling to find something to say. Your light tone indicated that it was a joke but yet, there was something in your eyes. A glimmer of something. That made him think that maybe it wasn’t a joke after all.

You grinned. “Leave this to the kids. They don’t listen to us either way. Let’s go and start another life.”

And for a moment, there was silence. You stared at him as he did the same, eyes boring into each other, unspoken words and unconfessed truths thrumming in the air between.

And just for that moment, you considered it. You really, really considered it. Just saying it out loud.

To tell him what you never did. What you’ve been hiding from him for so long.

Would that be so bad?

What if you did run away after all?

You sighed.

“Jeez, Levi.” You finally looked away, peeling your eyes off of him. “Relax. You look like I’m about to drag you from here at gunpoint. It was a joke.”

Levi was quick to duck his head away as well. “I know.” He mumbled. “I know. I’m not that fucking dense.”

“Were you hoping I was serious?” You pulled your knees up to his chest, letting your head rest on them to look at him, a grin forming.

He did. But he couldn’t say that, could he?

“You are the last person I’d willingly choose to spend my life with.” He scowled.

“That’s cruel.” You gasped dramatically, feigning hurt and giving him a mock glare. “We get along fine.”

“You’re missing the part where I want to choke one or two dozen times a day.”

“Kinky.”

“Fuck off.”

“Okay, but, think about it,” You pressed your lips together with the effort to hold the grin together, trying your best to look serious. How could you when he looked so incredulous? It only made you want to fuck around with him a little more. “You could be a farmer or some shit. I could be the pretty housewife. Some peace and calm.”

“You as a housewife?” Levi snorted, amusement gleaming in his eyes at the thought. “Peace and calm at the same place where you are?”

“Well,” You shrugged, “You could be the pretty housewife then. I won’t mind.”

“I think I'll stick to being a squad captain, thanks.”

"You're no fun."

"Shut the fuck up.''

The giggle finally escaped you, unable to hold it in any longer. And little after, you were laughing, clutching your sides, making the mistake of looking at his very offended face and then you were laughing so hard you could hardly breathe. Soon, even Levi’s face softened, the corners of his mouth quirking up just a little.

“HEYYY YOU TWO!”

Hange yells, appearing out of nowhere and startling the shit out of the two of you, making you almost choke. They flopped themselves down between you, wrapping their arms around both of your shoulders, squeezing hard and letting their head drop. “Nice of you to leave me alone with those children. Gave me a headache.”

“You’re the commander after all.” You said coughing, trying to get your breathing back to normal.

“Next time, can you at least say hello before you proceed to crush us to death?” Levi grumbled, squirming under Hange’s grasp.

“No.” They reply to Levi. “But jeez.. I say one word and Mikasa gets all defensive. Why is everyone acting like it’s my fault?” Hange pouts.

“Aw Hange.” You pat their back, laughing.

“I want to smack Eren.”

“Don’t we all?” Levi muttered quietly under his breath.

“Me and Levi booked him first.” You said. “You can have the rest if anything remains.”

“Aw man. No fair.”

Hange pulled a face. And then they pulled the two of you closer, until all 3 of you were practically squishing against each other.

You let your eyes fall shut, soaking in the warmth. And Levi, even Levi— who’s always complaining about Hange’s very physical manners—didn’t complain anymore. And the three of you just stayed like that, leaning against each other in silence. The presence of the other was enough itself.

Then Hange spoke, so quietly you would’ve barely heard it if you weren’t so close.

“How long do you think until it’s over?”

You pondered over the question a little while, thinking about it. Then you sighed.

“Who knows? Will it ever really be over?”

Hange exhaled softly, pausing. They looked up, the moonlight glinting off their glasses. There were a lot of stars tonight.

“Think Erwin’s getting amusement watching us be miserable?” They muttered.

It was Levi to answer this time.

"Yes."

778 notes · View notes

rubyvhs · 2 months ago

Text

remedy (viii) — sam winchester

> prev, masterlist

summary: you find sam ten years later, or he finds you, and things change forever— tags: major character deaths, 70% angst, i broke my own heart, case-fic, grieving, mourning, slow burn, praying, very long 13k, though it’s extremely fast paced. general surgeon!fem!reader.

ten years later

“Hey, Miss Moseley,” you call out as the older woman smiles at you and Emmy, it’s the same warm gesture every end of the week as you and your daughter pick up the groceries.

“Hey, sugar. How’s my little angel?” She leans down to kiss your daughter's head, seeing as you’d made it clear to every living, breathing person that no one gets to kiss her anywhere but there. “Oh and how’s Mark? I heard about the promotion he got, that’s wonderful, truly.”

It was unexpected, but yes, your husband got the biggest promotion of his career working at the law firm in town. Obviously you’ve never been prouder (except maybe when your oldest said ‘mama’ first) but it has been with its ups and downs. He stays later nights and it’s a lot more pressure, though now you don’t exactly live paycheck by paycheck, even if you haven’t been doing that anyways, but now you really don’t and you’re grateful.

“He’s great, thank you. You heard right, I'm proud of his hard work.” She shakes her hand around as if to tell you ‘who cares’ and you know the woman well enough to guess what she’s about to say next.

“And the pay?” Yeah, you were right.

“We’re grateful, Miss Moseley. Thank you for checking in.” You reply politely as the last of her things are ringed up and the cashier shops her away. She kisses your cheek as a goodbye as you ring your things up.

“She means well, you know.” The eighteen year old says from behind the counter and you can’t help but laugh. Not exactly at her, but, you know.

“Of course she does, Missouri is a sweetheart, we’re just not too sure about things ourselves. How are you doing in your senior year?” You deflect.

“‘M okay. Just passed my English final and Maths— Biology and Chemistry are what's left.” She replies, waving to Emmy. She laughs, waving back with an enthusiasm she saves especially for teenage girls. “Hopefully I can actually graduate this year.”

“You will, sweetheart,” you reassure, the nickname coming easy to you. It always did. “I’m sure of it. Call me anytime, okay?” She nods with a smile, handing you back your card and you carry the bags to the car.

Emmy’s holding onto your blue dress, with little white flowers all over it, the one you like to wear most of the time considering how hot it’s been getting. Though your older daughter doesn’t mind the heat (for whatever unholy reason), the rest of you are minding it a whole damn lot, you begged Mark to let you change practically your entire closet and he hadn’t argued much.

When the bags are in the trunk you strap Emmy in the back and turn on a country playlist Mark had made you a while ago. Though when you listen to it it reminds you of your days in Stanford.

As you park your jeep, you can feel your throat constrict and the tip of your nose redden. It’s hard not to notice the shiny black impala in your drive way. And it is there. Just there. Who put it there? Why would the universe torture you like this? What the hell even kind of joke is this—

“Mommy?” Emmy whines out, clearly starting to feel the effect of the heat with the A/C working only halfway.

“Yeah, baby.”

“Wanna show Daddy.” She says as she waves her iPad to show you the drawing she made. You should, in fact, go inside. And find out what the hell he’s doing in your house.

When you take Emmy’s hand it takes everything in you to control your breathing. You’ve been better than when you were in college. It had been— a rough couple of years to say the least, but you powered through them with a determination you didn’t know you had in you. Then you started your internship and found Mark, you had dated for a year before he proposed and of course you had said yes. Now, he’s coming back and he’ll— God, you just know that he’s going to ruin everything you’ve worked so hard to bring together.

Emmy runs through the door and straight to her dad with a yell. “Baby, no shouting.” You lecture loosely, shutting the door behind you as the three men in your living room stand up to greet you, Emmy already forgetting about her drawing and running up to her room.

And that’s when you decide how you should approach it. It’s the only way nothing will turn sour. “Hey, what’s wrong?” You eye your husband, leaning in to kiss his cheek. You haven’t even looked at them yet but their presence is all consuming that you actually gulp before Mark puts a hand in your back so you’re facing them.

You find his eyes first. And it looks like he hasn’t taken his eyes off of you the entire time. You don’t hear a single damn thing your husband is saying because you and Sam are staring into the other’s eyes in a way that makes you think you may be cheating right in front of him.

Sam’s changed so drastically that it brings you to a violent halt. His hair’s the first thing you notice, it’s grown to just above his shoulder, and it’s tamer, no more of that shaggy haircut he had ruffled everywhere. It fits him with the black suit he has on, that and his height. You’ve grown maybe an inch, he looks so much taller. Maybe you’re imagining it, maybe he just looks that good, either way, it’s mesmerizing.

When Mark says your name twice you snap out of it, shaking your head with a hum.

“Agents Plant and Page.” Agents who the fuck now?

“Excuse me— what?” Your husband narrows his eyes at you, but when you don’t budge he lets out a small awkward laugh.

“I’m sorry, agents, it’s the heat, really bad this week and she gets these migraines.”

Sam nods, completely professional and understanding as he talks to your husband, “We understand. I know how migraines can be,” yeah, ‘cause you used to have them, “it’s no problem. We should get going, we’ve already taken up too much of your time.”

“Oh. I thought you said you wanted to talk to my wife. I can go get the bags from the car, leave y’all to it.”

“That’s really not—”

Dean doesn’t hesitate to cut Sam off, “Yes, that would be good. Thank you.”

Mark kisses your lips this time and you’re stunned for a second before kissing back, but it’s brief and he nods at the gentlemen in politeness before leaving. You’re left with both of them. “Dean,” You announce shakily, “Sam.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” Dean smiles, like it’s nostalgic to see you, and you suppose it is. You’re not angry with either of them, especially not Dean. Despite his flirty nature, he hadn’t been rude to you and he’d respected you every time you met him. He moves past the coffee table to take your hand but you, to your absolute fucking surprise, pull him in for a hug.

Dean’s grown up too. He looks it, his voice is way lower, his stubble and those damn suits they're both wearing. He lets out a laugh, hugging back. “Haven't seen you in ages.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, releasing your grip to place a quick kiss in your hair. When he moves away, Sam’s standing behind him. He looks— all 6 foot something of him— awkward and unsure and it might be the most heartbreaking thing you’ve seen. Sam’s changed in appearance, he’s grown up, sure, but at Stanford he was confident. He wasn’t cocky but he knew his stuff and didn’t back down, this Sam’s curling up into himself the second you came in the room (or when you first bothered to look at him anyway).

“Hey, Sam.” You smile, repeating the same gesture you had with Dean, except it’s different, so so different with him. His hand’s on your waist, yours wrapped around his neck. The same way you hug everyone else. Then why does his embrace feel more intimate? And his cologne, God.

He pulls away a few seconds later (maybe, who know, it could have been hours).

“We didn’t know—”

“Yeah, I figured as much with the whole agents thing.” You’re not stupid, you’ve seen the news, Dean and Sam are wanted in some states, for a long list that you never bothered checking for the sole reason that you never thought you’d see them and you had such an exceptional picture of them in your head that you didn’t want to ruin it.

But the truth is, you also don’t believe that they would do it. Sam and Dean wanted for theft? Murder? you don’t buy it. Sam had told you how dangerous his job was, you know it has to come with consequences.

“So why are you here?”

“We’re investigating something.” You frown. No animal attacks here as far as you know.

“Investigating what?”

“There was a girl. She died in the neighborhood last year, Carla.”

Your face falls and you cross your arms in front of your chest. “Get out.” Dean’s eyes widen, clearly taken aback by your sudden change in tone. “Get out, both of you.”

“Hey—”

“No, you’re joking. You came in here to ask my husband about his dead niece. And you made him think you’re fucking FBI, which is illegal by the way, Mr. Stanford Lawyer. And for what? Is this all just for fun?” You’re praying your voice doesn’t get too loud but you can’t help the pit of anger in your stomach. They can’t do this. They can’t.

“That’s not what we’re doing,” Sam speaks up, his eyebrows furrowed together. Sam speaks in a much lower tone than he did in Stanford. It’s less urgent, more patient and understanding. He’s listening more than he is talking. It’s a noticeable change from the man you once knew, “we’re trying to find out what happened to her, I swear. We’re here to help.”

“Well, sorry to break it to you, but there haven’t been any animals around lately so this isn’t up your alley— which by the way, fuck you both.” You don’t remember ever being this immature but damn it, do the Winchesters get a ride out of you. “You’re both lying to my husband and expect me to do what? Welcome you with open arms?” The fact that you did goes unsaid.

There’s a deadly kind of silence that overcomes the three of you. You’re waiting for an explanation, they’re looking at each other like they don’t want to give one, and your oldest daughter just woke up from her nap and is walking down the stairs. She’s on the last step, rubbing the sleep from her eyes when she notices the two big men in suits and frowns. “Mommy…” she mumbles, clearly ready to go back upstairs.

At least the kid has good instincts. “Hey, sweetheart.” You smile slightly, leaving both of them in the living room to walk over to her, kneeling down. “What’s wrong? Why are you up?”

“Sound. Where’s daddy?”

“Outside. You wanna go and play with Emmy or are you gonna go back to sleep?” She shrugs, looks back at Sam and Dean then you, questions written all over her pretty little face. “Those are the police, they’re trying to help us. It’s okay, you can go back upstairs and I’ll bring you a snack, okay?” She nods and you get up, kiss her head, and let her run back upstairs.

When you face them, not moving closer, they both get the message. You want to say it’s easy, watching them walk to the front door, kicking them out, losing Sam again. But it isn’t. And you can’t help what you do next.

“Sam,” it’s just his name. That’s all you said, but God, you can practically feel how tense he just got, standing in place. He looks at Dean who nods in understanding and walks out of the house. Sam faces you, you’re closer than you think you should be.

“I never wanted to hurt you. Or Mark. And— Dean and I, we had no idea this was your house or that she was your niece—”

“Mark’s niece.”

“Right. We didn’t know. We asked around and they gave us Mark's last name, we thought it was a coincidence. And there’s no pictures—”

“I don’t like hanging pictures in the house.” You cut him off, not sure why you’re confessing like it’s a sin, but the need to explain yourself to Sam has apparently not gone away completely. He nods in understanding and sighs. “I didn’t mean to kick you guys out, I just hate how much you’ve lied to me, and I don’t even know why, I don’t even know what it’s about.”

He slips up, “Baby, I wish I could tell you—”

“You don’t get to call me that.” Maybe it’s Stanford all over again. Have you really grown up? Have you really changed for the better? Will you ever be able to let go of Sam? You haven’t thought about him for a long time, but seeing him in front of you— in fact you haven’t thought of him since you two broke up. Maybe you’re not mentally ready for this.

But more than that, you��re not letting anyone get between you and your husband.

“I know.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too. I hope you guys find out what happened with Carla.”

Sam’s about to say something. A rebuttal, probably. Maybe then you can both have an actual conversation. But he decides against it and opens the door, walking out.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

You see him nod at Mark and Dean end the conversation with your husband to get back in the impala. You watch them drive off before shutting your eyes, grounding yourself. You need to calm down. Obviously, you told Mark that you talked to someone before, and had a brief relationship with them, it wasn’t a secret, but you don’t think he knows that it’s the same guy who just pretended to be FBI and talked to him about his niece.

“What did they ask about?” Your husband asks as he gets inside, Emmy on his right while he's holding two hands full of groceries.

“Carla. You didn’t tell them she was your niece?” Now that you notice it, they were surprised to find out Carla's in any way related to you and Mark. He shrugs and moves to the kitchen but you follow him with a frown. “Why?”

“‘Cause they wouldn't take it seriously. The police thought I was overreacting since we were related but the FBI actually listened, and they believed me. I don’t want them to think emotions are taking over.” And the mocking way he says the word makes your heart clench.

You fell in love with Mark pretty quickly— or, he fell in love with you. And you eventually did too, with the sweet gestures and the kind comments, he was an incredible man, an even better husband that you’re proud to call yours. But he also had some issues, and trouble when it came to his family. While you guys do live in the same neighborhood as them, he doesn't like them. And for good reason, they're assholes. But he does love them.

He isn’t actually an ‘emotional guy’ and to label him as such— well, Mark is old-school. He won’t do well with that. His manhood and all that— and you’re not even saying it in a condescending way, you know how he was raised, it’s the one thing he’ll never back down from. But he’s been so good to you over the past five years, you’ve had your ups and downs, of course you did, but you couldn’t think of a better husband.

Can you? Can you think of someone you’d love more and want to spend the rest of your life with more than Mark? The man who traveled all the way back to your home country to ask your father for your hand in marriage?

“I’m— I’ll get started on dinner. They seem like good people, and they’re looking into it.” You smile slightly, leaning up to give him a quick kiss, putting the groceries away, your oldest daughter has come down to even help you and spend time with Emmy.

And maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe you should just take it to the grave, but God, you can’t help but call Gen’s number when it’s ten and you’re on your couch all alone. Mark is out with friends, your kids are in their room and you can’t stop yourself from calling a number you’d left abandoned for a year. An entire year.

It rings once. Twice. And when you hear her voice through the speaker you bite back tears. “Hello?”

“Hey— hey, Gen.” A relieved sort of laugh comes from the other line and it eases you into the conversation if only a little.

“Hi, sweetie. I haven’t heard from you in a while, how are Mark and the kids?” You were ready for an argument, and maybe that’s why you called in the first place, to get what’s been coming for you. You deserve it after you abandoned her when she needed you the most. You didn’t expect this. You didn’t expect normal with Gen. You don’t deserve it.

“Yeah. They’re okay. How about you and Rue?” As if the universe wanted to make a point, Rue, you guess, stole her mother’s phone from her hand and ran around with it, asking you how you’re doing and that she misses you. Rue’s almost six, but she’s as much of a troublemaker as she was at four.

“Rue’s fine!” She yells across the room, then she takes the phone and you can hear her better. “She’s great, just got into fifth grade, actually.”

You smile, the tears running down your cheeks without your consent. “That’s— great, Gen.”

She picks up on the crack in your voice and sighs. “Sweetie. Why’d you call now? What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Nothing, I feel so bad I haven’t called and I promise, I’m so sorry, Gen. You know I love her and I didn’t mean to do this.” you cut yourself off, scared you’re talking over her, but she doesn’t speak, letting you continue. “And I miss you and my little niece. I miss Rue and the kids, of course, they also miss her and I’ve been such a—”

“Nuh, uh. None of that here. You were grieving.”

You scoff, a hand slapping the tears away. “No, you were grieving.”

“Jess was as much of my girlfriend as she was your best friend. I’ve known her longer, but she was always your soulmate, and I never, for a second, held that against you.” It hurts knowing that what she’s saying is true. You don’t want to believe her because what have you done for her to love you this way? Unconditionally.

“I know. I wanted to be there for you but I couldn’t even say her name and I’m, I’m so scared. Even now, I’m always so scared, and I think about her all the time.”

“I think about her too…” you want to say you’re imagining the crack in her voice, that it’s a slip up that means nothing. But truthfully, Gen’s only ever cried with you. She’s not close to her parents and despite her multitude of friends, most of them had drifted after college. Not the three of you. Not you, Jess and Gen.

You wish you could say it stayed the same after Jess passed away, but you did leave her. and you can’t find it in yourself to say that you’d do it differently. Because you used your grief to be a good mother this past year, you spent so much time with the kids. Even with Carla gone too. You and Mark kept it together.

You’re not sure how seeing Sam broke you the most of the events.

“She loves you. I think— we just have to remember her love, right?” Gen sniffles and you imagine her nodding her head, a hand running through her hair like she usually is when she’s sad.

“Yeah. Yeah, sweetie, but—” Gen breathes heavily through her nose. “But why’d you call? You haven’t— it’s been a year, what’s going on?”

“I, uh, saw someone. Today.”

“Who?”

“Sam Winchester.”

“The criminal?”

Explaining to Gen about Sam pretending to be FBI and how he came to ‘investigate’ Carla’s death after being ‘wanted’ in a few states almost gives her a heart attack. You want to share her worry about the safety of your family when he’s in proximity, but Sam looked all but broken when he was standing at your doorstep.

“So I kind of threw them out and now they’re giving Mark hope again that they’ll find out what happened, but just— it sucks. He’s such a liar and I had no idea.”

“Yeah, but, maybe you should report it to the police, you know?”

You frown, shaking your head. “Police? He isn’t even wanted in here. I think it’s in… I don’t know Tennessee?”

“Still. He could be dangerous and he knows where you live now.” You aren’t sure what to think. Is she right? Is Sam dangerous? He doesn’t look it.

“Sure. Sure, Gen, I’ll see what I can do. I just, wanted to talk to you and maybe see if we can go out, you know? If you want, if you’re free.”

“Yeah. Of course. Next Friday? We can go to Lilo’s Diner, if you want.“ Before Jess passed away when you got married, you couldn’t help but find an apartment next to here’s and Gen’s. In hindsight, it was an impulsive decision since Mark told you to choose the location, but you couldn’t help wanting to be next to her. But the real kicker was that before you settled down, you had completely forgotten that where you are right now, Lawrence, Kansas, is Sam’s hometown.

“Yeah. That’s good, I don’t mind.” You both say your goodbye’s, and it’s a little tear-filled, but it gets the job done.

You’re not completely convinced that you’ll give Sam in, but you know you need to consider it. If your daughters are ever in danger… you don’t know you’d do. You sigh, getting up and dimming the lights. “God, I wish you could— I need help.” You’re done crying, you just need help, “just— please, i wish I could just— I love him but I don’t even know if he’s it for me, I wish I could think without him in the picture, fuck.”

And if cursing while trying to pray isn’t message enough for you to just go to bed, you don’t know what is.

“Mommy? Mommy!” You stir from your sleep. It’s been forced upon you to be a light sleeper since you’ve had your kids, and one of them shouting your name alerts you.

Emmy’s jumping on your chest, “Door. Mommy, door.” You groan, running a hand through your untamed hair and getting up groggily. At least she’s in a good mood for whatever reason.

You put on a shirt that you haven’t crumpled in your sleep and take a hair tie with you downstairs as you attempt to make it look decent, swinging the door open before you can ask who it is.

Oh. “Sam?”

“Good morning.” There’s no Dean this time, just Sam. Just very tall and intimidating Sam looking at your with the most innocent look you’ve ever seen but you still can’t help clutching your daughter to your leg, mumbling about her going upstairs but she doesn’t listen. “I— I’m sorry, I came to tell you about… Mark.”

Your eyes widen, shaking your head in question and confusion because mark is upstairs, right? He’s in your bed, right next to you. You just hadn’t checked, that’s all. “What about him? He’s fine.”

Sam frowns, loosening his tie. Maybe you should loosen the collar around your neck. Where is Mark? He was just out with friends last night and you’d gone to sleep after praying, you must’ve missed his call telling you he’ll spend the night elsewhere. Except he’s never done that. Mark’s never spent the night anywhere other than right next to you since you’ve gotten married.

But it’s fine, you’re overreacting and Sam is here to tell you Mark was found drunk or something. He won’t get arrested. You need him. His kids need him. “Hey, hey, you with me? Mark’s— I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” You’re out of breath even if you’ve just gotten out of bed, “what do you mean you’re sorry? What did you do? Where is he?”

Emmy’s tugging on your pants, even if you can hardly feel it, but you do feel Sam stepping into your house, his hands moving closer before you flinch a way from his touch, in a result Emmy’s hands is forced away from your leg. You apologize to your little girl, leaning down to scoop her in your arms.

“Mark’s—”

“Shut up, Sam. Stop it. Where is he?”

You can see his heart breaking, you can feel it. Maybe from his eyes alone, even. But it doesn’t even register to you, because why is he sad? What does he have to be upset about?

“They can’t find him. He’s… gone.”

“Gone where? Is he at work? It’s— only eight or something—”

“It’s eleven.” Your breath hitches and you shake your head. What does that even mean coming from a liar? Sam’s nothing but a liar, he always has been he’s—

“Where are the police?” he says your name, soft and you shout, “Where are the police?” Your daughter flinches at your tone and cuddles her head into your chest. “Don’t— I’ll report you. You and Dean, if you don’t tell me what you did. What did you do?”

It’s futile. They didn’t do anything. Deep down you know that.

But you’re not sure if you can listen to ‘deep down’ when your husband is not next to you. Calming and comforting you.

“Sam,” you breathe, putting her down, “Sam, where is he?” He doesn’t step closer, brushes a hand down his face, “Sam.” You try, one last time before you’re sobbing, hitting at his chest. “Where is he? Where is— Mark, where is he! Sam!”

He doesn’t respond. He doesn’t tell you that everything will be okay and that Mark’s only gone for the day. He holds your body close to his and you bury your head into his chest, your tears wet against your face as you fist your hands in his shirt. Your eyes burn, they’re hard to open. Maybe it’s for the best.

Your world doesn’t spin often, but when it does, you have Mark. You quit your first job, Mark’s there. You’re low on money, Mark’s there. Your kids seem like they hate you, he’s by your side.

What are you supposed to do now? What are you supposed to do other than pray for him back?

Because you did this. You prayed yesterday and now look what happened, he’s gone. Just like you wished for, even if you’d don’t really mean it then. You mean it now, to have him back.

Sam lets go of you eventually, to get you a glass of water and coax your daughter into her room. You’re not sure what the time is, just that your eyes couldn’t get more swollen if you tried, and you will.

“Here.” He hands you a cup and you don’t look up at him as he takes the seat next to you again making you briefly wonder if you’re having an out of body experience. You could be. You must be.

“I should call the police.” You say through sniffles and Sam sighs. “You should… go, I guess. Since you’re not real police.”

“I’ll stay. We talked to them anyways and they think we’re FBI so— ”

“But I’ll tell them.” It’s low. Defeated. Sam doesn’t speak for a second and you don’t want to imagine the look on his face. You can’t. “Just go.”

His scoff shouldn’t be as comforting as it is. “No. You’re not pushing me away when you need me.” He tilts your head up, his finger hooking under your chin, “I’m not leaving you again. Never again.”

“It’s— it’s not like that, right now. Sam, go.”

“Tell them. Call the police, make them come here, and tell them I’m not FBI, tell them my real name, I don’t care, they can arrest me when I know you’re okay.”

Is it fair to say you never want to be okay if it means Sam leaving? “My kids.” You whisper, as a thought. Something you put out there.

“Dean can take care of them if you want us to go to the police.” You nod, touching your cheek to check if you’re still crying. Your eyes are so raw you can’t even tell at this point. Sam takes his phone out to call Dean but you hold his wrist.

“Gen. Call Gen.” He gapes in surprise, is about to argue, but seems to see something on your face because he pulls up her number from your phone. You think she’s not going to respond as the phone starts to run out of rings but when she finally does you collapse with a sigh, one hand on your heart, the other holding Sam’s arm in support. And you’re fucking sat down.

“Gen. Hey, it’s Sam. Sam Winchester.” Shit. Shit. She doesn’t like Sam. Shit. “Yeah— oh. Yeah, she threatened already. Look, Mark’s gone and we can’t find him, she’s asking if you can come over and watch her kids.”

You don’t hear the conversation. You don’t hear except white static as you leave Sam on the couch and go to your kids’ room. Your oldest is on her IPad. The youngest is playing with her blocks. They both look at you expectantly for food and you give them a watery smile. “Aunt Gen is coming over. She’ll get you breakfast, okay?”

They both seem pleased, but your oldest isn’t stupid. She’s only four but Mark had been gifted as a child. Not enough to skip grades, but he was intelligent, both emotionally and academically. And apparently your oldest has inherited that because she walks up to you with a smile.

“You’re okay, Mommy.” You’re not sure if it’s a question or not but you wipe your face in case it’s showing anything other than that fact. “We will have fun with Genny.”

“No, baby, I’m going somewhere and then we’ll have fun with Genny, but you’re staying alone first.”

“I will take care of Emmy.” Your heart clenches as you nod quickly, taking her in for a hug so she doesn’t see the tears.

“Good job, Jess.” Even saying her name. She’s your daughter, she isn’t even really Jess but saying her name… you can’t do this right now.

When you get back down dressed for the station, Sam’s in the kitchen cooking. “I’m dressed. we should go.”

He looks back to see you are, in fact, dressed. He hands you a cup of water, “drink this and we’ll go.”

You frown but oblige anyway. You’re a doctor, it isn’t hard to tell what he’s doing, with the amount of tears you’ve cried, you’d think you’re dehydrated too. “I’ll text Gen that there’s omelets. She can make sandwiches when she’s here.”

You acknowledge the words, handing him the cup. He locks the door behind him just as Gen parks her car and it’s the calmest you’ve felt all morning. At least your kids will be safe. You give her a hug that lasts about two seconds then walk to the Impala as fast as you can, certain you won’t be driving in this condition.

The police station is a whirlwind of screaming and yelling. No one’s telling you enough, you need to know now, and you might have accidentally called Sam his real name once, though you’re hoping no one caught it. Four hours later you’re crying and shaking your head in the lobby.

The lady at the desk tries to calm you down while Sam talks to them inside, “Please, Miss, you need to remain calm while we—”

“My husband is gone, just off the face of the earth, how the fuck does that happen?”

“We’re not sure.” You look back hoping it’s Sam but find an older looking guy. Darker skin and maybe even a little taller than Sam? Though that must be impossible, they could be the same height. “His friends all say he was on his way home the last time they saw him and we found his car by a neighborhood next to yours but it was parked. He could have just went somewhere else.”

“I called him a thousand times on my way here and Mark never spends the night out of the house.”

“Have you considered a different possibility?” He asks, taking a step closer and you suddenly get intimidated by the demeanor if not his height, “maybe he did it on purpose. To spend the night somewhere else.”

“What on Earth is wrong with you? Are you all really that bad at your job that the only excuse you can come up with is him cheating? Who the hell gives you the right to—”

“We’re merely covering all our basis.”

“No you’re a bunch of—” Someone clears their throat so loudly it makes you jump. Jump right into their arms— into Sam’s arms.

“She’s worked up, considering.” The police, whoever the fuck that man is nods understandably and you’re ready to elbow Sam as you stare daggers at the one in front of you. “But she doesn’t make a point. It’s not likely Mister Davis is having an affair,” he moves your body out of the way to stand toe-to-toe with the man, “and even if he is, do you think it’s smart to threaten his wife with it?”

“Threaten? You’ve got it wrong, Agent.”

“Please don’t speak to Misses Davis again, it’s clear you can’t handle this case.” Sam places both hands on your shoulders to walk you out of the station and when you’re finally alone you slap his hands away.

“What the hell? What about Mark—”

“They don’t have anything on him. We called everyone, we tried to track his phone but it’ll take a while. Me and Dean tried tracking it before I came over anyway and we couldn’t find it, they won’t have better luck. They usually put them in warehouses so I told them to check all the ones in the area. Dean is on it too. Look, we need to talk.”

“Warehouse— what? Does now seem like the time for talking?” You scold. Even Sam's speaking in code.

“Did you… wish for something yesterday?”

Your heart slows. “Like what?”

“Like… wanting him gone.”

Your heart stops.

You tend to run things over in your head a lot.

“Mark? Mark, come back in, the kids don’t need—”

“No way. If my angel says she needs a cookie, we’re getting her a cookie.” You sigh affectionately, a smile threatening to split your face open. He’s been so good since you’ve gotten married, but you thought that would all stop the second you told him you’re pregnant. It couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s been more engaged, beautiful with your kids, even years later.

He’s the best father you could have dreamed of. He’s a damn good husband too, but Mark is… complicated. His family is complicated. He grew up in such a toxic environment that during the first year of dating him, he’d cursed you out in front of his entire family. You got married anyways, he’s a good man, and you know he is. He’s changing slowly, trying to better himself because he has you.

And it isn’t even something he’s just ‘saying’, you know that because now? Four years later, Mark would eat up anyone in his family that says one word about you, whether it be one of his sisters or one of his brothers’ wives.

Two hours later Mark comes back with Jess and two boxes of cookies. When you put Jess to bed he hands you a box of your favorite chocolate, the expensive kind. And it isn’t like you’re broke, you’re doing okay to spoil yourselves every once in a while, but you’re also saving up for when the kids grow up since you know they’ll be more demanding than they are now. So while it didn’t put a dent in anything, it was unnecessary. But he did it. He did it and he kissed you and you’re pretty sure that was the night Emmy came into your lives. Or would be coming in nine months.

Sometimes you wish you could stop ruining things over in your head.

“Come back to me, fuck, come back.” Sam’s saying your name over and over as your eyes flutter open. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah.” You groan, a hand coming up to touch your head before he stops you. “What happened?”

“You blacked out and fell on the concrete. They did an X-ray, it came back okay but you’re not eating enough. Don’t touch your head though.”

“Why?” you reply stubbornly though you're grateful he cared enough to get you to the emergency room as fake FBI. Speaking of, you guys should probably head out. “Doesn't matter, let's go home. I'll pay the—”

“I already paid, let's go.” you frown as he helps you up. Thankfully, you don't need any assistance walking, not that Sam gets the message, his hand on your lower back as he nods at the receptionist.

The car ride is as silent as you expected it to be with your multitude of questions. About Mark, Sam, your kids. About everything. The most important one is where the hell is Mark, but every time you think of that you're back to crying. The second is where did Sam get the money to cover your bill? Seeing as he's not a lawyer or anything.

“You okay?” He asks, giving you a glance before his eyes are back on the road. He must realize how stupid the question is because he follows it up with: “We’re going to find him. I promise.”

“Yeah.”

“Dean’s already—”

“How? How are you and Dean— I don’t even know if Dean went to college,” no offense, he just doesn’t look the type, “and you all but dropped out of law. On what earth will the two of you find my husband?”

“Look—”

“Real answers!” You scream, slamming your hand down on your leg, the friction from your jeans sting as you take it back. “Real answers Sam, or I swear God…”

He sighs, parking on the side of the road. “You won’t believe me.”

“Try me.”

“You passed out.”

“Try me, because my husband is missing and I left my kids with Gen who I haven’t seen in almost a year and now I’m sitting next to Sam Winchester from Stanford—”

“It’s a curse.”

“What.”

When someone says something is a curse they usually follow it up with trying to sell you some oils for way too high that will ‘break the curse’. But that’s not what Sam is doing. Sam is talking to you like it’s logical. Like he’s sane. He’s telling you, with a straight fucking face, that monsters are real and that after he was born here a witch placed a curse on the town.

He’s not trying to sell you anything except that this is the truth. To him, this is real. And he’s looking at you like you’d be stupid not to believe that a witch placed a curse on an entire town so that whatever someone wishes, it comes true.

You wished for better mental stability everyday but that never came.

“Sam,” you sigh sympathetically, “look, I don’t know what happened before you graduated, but you’re a good man, you should not let—”

“What? No! What I'm telling you is real! Monsters and werewolves, vampires, witches, they’re all real. Now you need to think before you answer, did you wish for anything yesterday? Anything regarding Mark?”

“Wish? Are you— no! Of course not.”

“Please, you need to level with me here. Anything at all.” You should get out of the car, slam the door right in his face, and tell everyone that Sam Winchester— straight A student in Stanford— has officially gone crazy. And you’re witnessing it first hand.

You don’t end up doing any of that except for slamming the door in his face. That, he deserves. For lying and for finding you and giving you hope about your husband when he’s obviously gone crazy and for making you leave your daughters when you could be with them right now.

He gets out of the car, and when you glance over at him he looks like he’s going to try and convince you of something again but his eyes widen. When you face whatever it is that he’s staring at— it’s just Missouri.

“Missouri?” He asks, frowning and you start to notice that this is, in fact, his hometown. He probably knows a lot of the older locals. “What are you doing here? I thought we told you to stay inside ‘till we find whoever cursed the town.”

Now you’re really confused. Where on earth does get off playing with an old lady’s head? “I know you did not just call me old, sweetie.”

What. The. Hell.

“See!” Sam can’t help but let out with a relieved sigh. As if that actually shows anything other than you’re seriously creeped out.

“No reason to be creeped, darling, but Sam’s right. Monsters exist and a witch did curse this godforsaken town.”

“How did you—”

“I’m psychic.” Right. And you’re Beyoncé.

“I wouldn’t count on it. I heard you sing early in the morning and even the birds couldn’t take it.”

“Rude— and also how the fuck—”

“I can read minds. Though I don’t usually, it seemed like the only way to get you to believe poor Sam. He’s a good man,“ he seems to be getting told that a bunch, “and he only means to help. Him and Dean are hunters.”

Is the sun too hot? Probably, considering it’s the sun. Maybe you should sit in the shade. Or pass out. Passing out sounds better than finishing this conversation. Missouri sighs, a hand on Sam’s cheek. “It was good seeing you, sweetie. Get her home and tell her everything she needs to know. She gets migraines—”

“I know.”

“Good. Get her anything she needs but especially some cold air.”

“To sum it up,” you gulp down the rest of your cup before facing Sam, “Monsters are real. You’re a hunter. Your dad died, and Dean never went to college?”

“Sure, I guess. Is that all you got? That’s a very… random summary.”

“Right but if Dean’s never went to college and Monsters are real, I think the apocalypse starting really doesn’t sound that far-fetched.” Apparently by monsters he also meant Angels. And prophets. And too many things he just told you— like Lucifer and Micheal the archangels and so so so many things.

He chuckles, refilling your glass. “What is it with the Dean and college thing with you.”

You shrug, taking the cup with a small thanks. You’re probably going to need to go to the bathroom soon with how much he’s been keeping you hydrated. “I don’t know, he seems smart, I’m surprised ‘s all. can we call him and ask what he found yet?”

Sam’s face falls like you slapped him and he sighs. “The wish— I’ll tell you what I think happened, okay?” Not okay. “You wished for Mark to disappear or to go yesterday while he was coming back from the night out and the witch— the way her curse works is that she has demons working for her. Demons chained to this town to do her dirty work for her—”

“Sam, people wish for a million dollars everyday, they don’t actually get it.”

“These are demons, it isn’t ’you wish for something’, you get it. It’s ‘you curse someone out’, they get it.” You didn’t mean to curse him out. You hadn’t even really wished for anything, just prayed. And the praying wasn’t that serious. It wasn’t like you wanted Mark gone, you just wanted answers for whatever’s going on in your heart. “Carla,” Sam runs a hand over his mouth, like it’s paining him to tell you this, to explain to you why your niece died. “A teacher cursed her out in school the day before she was gone.”

No. No, there’s just no fucking way. Missouri is almost eighty something, why on earth would she lie, though?

“Please, I know it’s scary and it’s hard to believe but I need you to trust me. What did you wish for yesterday?”

“I— I don’t even remember—”

“Anything. Anything at all—”

“I wished he was out of the picture.” His breath hitches. Yours almost comes to a stop. “But— I wasn’t wishing, I was praying. I asked— I prayed that I could think clearly without thinking of him. I didn’t want him to go, Sam, I swear—”

His eyes soften as he pulls you to his chest, “I know. I know, sweetheart.”

Maybe the crying won’t ever stop.

“Dean found the witch. Or at least he thinks. We can’t kill the demons until the witch breaks the chains so I’m going to go help him follow the lead, are you okay to stay alone?” Sam says when he comes back into the room after a short phone call with his brother.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You’re not fine. You’re nowhere near fucking fine. You’re the furthest point away from ‘fine’. But Sam is going to… go kill demons? Play dress up with Dean? Who knows anymore. So you let him go with a goodbye and ’stay safe’. As you close the front door, you give it your back and Jess is standing there with her school book in hand.

“Where’s Daddy?”

Oh. God. You don’t even— you can’t possibly think of a way to tell your kids their father is gone. The entire time Sam had explained the supernatural thing, not once had he brought up that Mark might still be out there somewhere.

How do you tell your daughter you killed her father?

“Jess, dad’s out right now. He’s very sick, and we can’t see him ‘till he gets better.” She frowns, tilting her head in question— you’re sure you have no answers to cover it. “but ‘till then, we’ll…”

Maybe you should be holding yourself together a little more for your children. They shouldn’t see you break apart because who will take care of them? But it hits you. You’ve spent the whole day looking for Mark and being so sure he’s out there somewhere that you believed Sam when he said he was taken by a demon.

But the fact of the matter still stands. Mark is gone. Your husband is gone.

And maybe it shouldn’t hit you so hard when you killed him.

The next four hours go by in a blur. Your kids are fine, they’re drawing and coloring. They’re happy they get to miss school today and you’re pacing the halls, wishing you’d taken up Gen on her offer to stay with you. How did she get through this? How did she get through this alone?

You haven’t even called your parents, or Mark’s. His siblings. A funeral. This is so real. It’s happening, you’re losing— you lost your husband. He’s gone and you didn’t even get a warning. Where was your warning?

Maybe you should lay down for a few hours. Your starting to see things move around in the windows.

It’s officially freak-out-hour. Twelve AM. You call Sam twice before he answers.

“I think my house is haunted.” You’ve never found your voice that shaky in your life.

“You what? Are you okay? Are the kids okay?”

“They’re fine. In their room, but the lights keep flickering and I keep seeing something moving.”

“Shit. Do you have salt? A lot of salt?”

“Some. Enough for food, I haven’t stocked up for a demon battle.”

“Get as much as you can and make a circle. Ghosts can’t cross salt circles.”

“What if it’s a demon?”

“There are— are you sure? Are you sure there’s something? Did you piss anyone off today?”

You think. Hard. “I don’t—” Oh. “The police station guy.”

“No, no. Fuck! Make the circle, get in it, I’m on my way.” He hangs up and the circle comes out uneven and sloppy. You’re shaking so much by the time you’re done you don’t notice it’s only small enough to fit your kids. When you go check on them, they aren’t in their room.

“Jess? Emmy?” Sam’s voice wakes you up from your nap against the hard wall. That’s why your head is pounding. “Hey, hey, where’s mommy?” That’s all you hear before his heavy steps run up the stairs and he finds you in the hallway.

“Fuck. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” You shake your head, hoping to ease him, though that’s the least of your concerns. “Are they okay? Are Emmy and Jess okay?”

“Yes, yes,” he breathes out, leaning down to engulf you in a surprising hug that you return with no hesitation. You were hallucinating. You never thought you’d be so thankful for hallucinating. “Are you,” he’s shaking. His words anyways, his hands are too still for your liking. “Are you okay? I tried calling but you didn’t answer, and I came here as fast as I could. I thought something happened to you—”

“I haven’t eaten, and I’m so tired—did, did you kill the witch?” You sound crazy. You sound stupid and twelve.

And yet, the second his soft, “Yes.” Is out, you visibly relax in his arms. He’s holding you, your head on his chest, and it’s the calmest you’ve felt in the past twenty four hours.

“Sam?”

“Yeah, sweetheart?”

“How do I know you’re real? How do I know you’re not… a monster or possessed.”

“Tests,” he sighs. Sam always looked like he wanted to keep his real life away from you, keep you at a distance, so the more you ask, the more he feels a part of him breaking. He wanted better for you.

“Shapeshifters burn up in contact with silver, like your ring,” he interlaces your fingers together and his skin doesn’t sizzle. “Demons show themselves if you say ‘Christo’.” You look up but there’s nothing. He’s still there. “Ghosts will leave the person they’re possessing if you hit them with rocksalt.”

“They can possess people?”

“Only really powerful ones.”

“There should be a crash course on monsters.” You frown, leaning in closer, like maybe you don’t need a crash course. Just him. Just Sam.

He lets out a small laugh, a polite one, but you feel it against your head and it brings you so much relief, you’re scared what you’re going to do when he’s gone.

Because he will be gone. He will go and he’ll leave you and you’ll have to deal with—

“Hey, hey, calm down for me. What’s wrong?”

You take a deep breath, but all it does is run tears down your cheeks, “I have to tell Jess and Emmy. Emmy’s so young and she wouldn’t understand, she’ll just want Daddy, what am I supposed to say, Sam? And Jess… she asked about him. I killed—.”

“No, stop it, don’t. You were thinking. A thought, that’s all. I bet he thought the same thing a hundred times, it’s normal, you’re married, it’s just unfortunate a demon heard yours.”

You’re still scared, that doesn’t really comfort you. You’re sharing your earth with demons. Demons. That came from hell. Which means hell, heaven, they exist and mark is in one of them right now.

You end up telling your oldest with tears in your eyes and Jess comforts you instead of crying. She’s telling you ‘it’s okay’ and ‘daddy loves you’. And you’re thinking what you did to get such a beautiful and inspiring daughter. She even brushes your hair out of your face like you do for her when she’s crying.

You tell her the same. Her daddy loved her, and that she should tell you how she feels when she’s decided. Anytime Emmy asks about Mark you tell her he’s up in heaven and she frowns. It’s fine, you didn’t expect her to get it this young anyways, but… it’s unfair that she has to.

The past 48 hours have been hectic to say the least, devastating, too. Sam hasn’t left your side during them. Despite him being tall and somewhat scary if you look at it from a four-year-old‘s point of view, your kids have only asked a couple of questions. You don’t think they noticed that he went from ‘police’ to ‘mommy’s friend’, and you’re grateful.

Gen ran over to your house the second you called her to tell her what you know. You don’t get into detail, just that Mark’s gone. He’s— God, you can’t even say it, he passed away. What kind of shit term is that anyway? Passed? To where, heaven? Hell? How are you supposed to know?

Does Sam know? If Sam told you angels are real it must be because he’s met them… right? And he met the archangels, surely he has connections— what are you saying! You’re talking about Sam having connections with God? Who, by the way, Sam didn’t mention.

Gen holds you as you sob into her arms in your own room, Sam sitting with your children. They’re so innocent and fragile, you don’t want them to see you crying incase they think they have to, but the truth is, you’re severely dehydrated and you’re sure you’re losing your job at the hospital since you haven’t called to say you’re not coming in.

It’s a gut-wrenching 48 hours. Who knows what the next will bring.

When you sober up from the frenzy you’re in, you call your parents, then Mark’s siblings. His father died years ago and his mother has amnesia so that’s one less conversation you have to go through.

You only call his second oldest sister, she cries before you finish your sentence and promises she’ll tell the others. You can’t. You know you can’t.

Gen tries to talk to you about Sam, you shut her down pretty quick. “Can you take the kids during the funeral?”

“Sweetie, I should come with you…” You shrug just as Sam makes his way to the kitchen where you’re both talking. Gen shoots him daggers as he walks over to you, hand on both your shoulders. “What—”

“The kids are asleep, I think. Dean needs me back at the motel so I’ll go check on him then come back, does that sound okay?” You nod absentmindedly. All you heard was that Sam’s leaving, and even if every part of your body doesn’t want that, he’s been your rock through all of this, you know you have to let him go.

“Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.” He places a kiss on your hair that helps you relax, like most of his touches do, and when he leaves the kitchen, Gen is right on his heel.

You hear them raise their voice and argue before he leaves. All you can think is that you hope the kids don’t wake up.

You hope you wake up from this nightmare.

Who decided black was a good color for funerals? It’s so… depressing. As if you all aren’t already dispiriting the entire house with your tears, now you’re all blending in with the kitchen supplies too.

You hold his sisters the most, or they hold you, either way there’s some type of holding going on and it’s therapeutic for both of you. The oldest looks like she hasn’t stopped sobbing since yesterday. Since you told them all about it.

The police announced that he’s dead when you went to check again, and said there was a serial killer on the loose, the same guy who killed Carla, and they found a body in one of the warehouses. Which is total bullshit because demons wouldn’t throw a body in a warehouse, they’d probably… take it to hell?

Sam told you that it’s him, since you didn’t want to confirm it yourself, and you told his family that you were the one who confirmed it. You’re not sure how much of a bad person that makes you since none of them offered to check for you instead.

Sam stayed with the kids in Gen’s house with her kid so maybe they did figure something out when they were screaming at each other, not that you care. You trust Sam.

He’s the only person you trust.

There’s soft music thrumming out the speakers, though you lower the sound so people in the house can talk. One of the siblings brings their mother and you break down at the sight of her. She knows she has kids, she knows Mark, hell, she talks about him all the time. But more than that she loves you. His parents loved you the most out of their in-laws and while it created a rift in the family, it never did anything but humble you. You loved his dad, you were the first to get to his house when you heard what happened.

But seeing his mum— that you couldn’t take.

It’s a few hours before they decide to leave. His brothers, both of them, come up to you asking about burying the casket. They’re doing it right next to his other brother and father. It’s family ground, or whatever it’s called.

You tell them you haven’t made any arrangements. They tell you not to worry. You hug both of them even if they did nothing to ease your concerns, at least that’s one less responsibility.

Gen holds your hand as you pace from the kitchen to the living room. There are kids, his family's kids, his friend’s kids, they’re all walking around, and you shouldn’t feel like this, you know that, but you can’t help the apprehensive emotions circling your heart and squeezing tight.

The brothers leave to make the arrangements and everyone who isn’t immediate family has said their prayers and goodbyes. You’re all alone. Not that alone considering he has seven sisters and each one of them has at least three kids (one of them actually has 5 kids and two grandkids), but alone enough that none of you feel like you should socialize. Everyone’s in their own circle, you’re lying your head on Gen’s chest, hoping this horror show will end if you just close your eyes. Maybe you’ll hear his voice again, but it doesn’t happen.

Except you hear his voice with every breath you take saying you’re the one who killed him. You’re the one who murdered your husband.

One Week After

“Jess, I swear to God, if you’re not done with your spelling homework—”

“She’s done.” You hear Sam’s voice get closer as he enters the kitchen and you nod softly at him. He frowns at you.

And you know why.

“I helped her finish it.” He continues, walking up to you to greet you with a kiss to your head, but it’s not genuine. As much as Sam tries, his movements are all strained and it’s your fault. You haven’t stopped wearing black.

“When did you come in?” You leave your door open most of the time in case one of his sisters comes to check up on you, or… or if Sam does. It gives his sisters comfort that you’re leaving your house open for them. The brothers haven’t spoken to you much since the funeral, but you know they’re grieving. Mark’s older brother lost his daughter and his brother in the span of a year.

“Just a few minutes ago. Are you cooking?” You nod, looking away to check on the pasta. It’s a simple dinner, most of them have been since last week. You finally called the hospital yesterday and just as you were about to get a lecture from your attending, you told her what happened. She gave you an extra week off and you couldn’t reject it if you wanted to.

“Pasta and Chicken tenders— it’s stupidly basic. I used to make it when we first got married, you know,” you let out a small humorless laugh, “and he hated me for it. Told me he’s a man and that he would starve if that’s what I thought food was. I learned how to make every dish his mother knew right then and there.”

Sam chuckles at your memory and it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling that you wish you could push away. These feelings aren’t supposed to be for Sam. You suppose in a way they aren’t. A pet of them, the majority, belong to the story, the fondness behind it. Imagining him sitting on the sofa of your old house scolding you half-playfully about the importance of meals the second week of your marriage.

“So why’d you come over?” He shrugs, sits down on the chair in front of the counter that’s facing you. “You’re welcome to stay for dinner. Emmy already likes you. I don’t know about Jess.”

“Right. She’s a hard one to open up.” You smile at the description of your daughter, because it’s the truest thing you’ve heard. With the mention of that— maybe it’s time to address the elephant in the room.

You spin back, hands clasped together and you spit it out, “I didn’t see you at Jess’s funeral.”

His face drops, which makes your stomach drop but whatever. You have to talk about this. He probably has as many questions as you do, since you’re not aware of anyone keeping in contact with Sam.

“I didn’t attend. It was hard for me.” You furrow your eyebrows, unclasping your hands to fold them against your chest. “I mean… I didn’t talk to anyone after Stanford. I mourned. ‘Just didn’t see a point in showing up.” That’s a shitty excuse. And you hope he knows it too because you looked for him.

You searched for Sam at that funeral, you even asked about him when a few students came. God, even Brady came. How fucked up is it that Brady showed up and not her best friend. “Did you even keep in contact with Jess when you left?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

No. You were heartbroken when you and Sam split up. “We didn't really bring you up.”

“Right. We did, for a couple of years, but I moved around a lot and I got a new phone every few months. Eventually she got a kid and we just lost contact.”

“What about when you… you know, got convicted and stuff.”

“I— not exactly, you know what Dean and I do, we’re trying to help people, but we can’t just walk around telling them we think there’s a vampire in the neighborhood. FBI, police officers, they trust those people.” You nod. It’s still not an answer. He notices. “Yeah, she still talked to me after, I’m not sure she even knew. I mean, you had to really be up to date with the news to hear our names.”

“No, you just had to live in Lawrence and give two shits about your surroundings. We’d be lucky if Jess even opened her phone to check for something productive, ‘s probably why she never found out. Gen got scared when Jess died, really paranoid for Rue, so she took it upon herself to stay informed. Your name came up a time or two.”

He sighs, scrubs his hand down his face and gives you his back to rest his elbows on the counter. You don’t mind, liking the silence as you stir this, taste that. Cooking’s been an excellent distraction for life lately. Even if it’s the most basic thing to exist.

Sam ends up staying for dinner but Jess stares at him with questions as she sticks to your side. She also has the biggest look of betrayal when Emmy asks him to hold her. She enjoys how tall he is and he doesn’t seem to mind it. By bedtime, you decide to talk to Jess about him.

“Why don’t you like Sam?”

“He’s a giant, and he made daddy sad.”

Oh. “When he was here with the other police?”

She nods.

“He didn’t make daddy sad, sweetheart, he asked about Carla.” Who is also in heaven. Seems like they have a couple of slots open.

You speak to her a little more, about Sam, about school tomorrow, about daddy and how she misses him, you miss him too. He probably misses you two the most. You kiss her head before shutting the lights off and running downstairs to wish Sam a goodnight.

Until you notice him half asleep on your couch, his head resting on his own shoulder in a way that could never look comfortable. You bite your lip in anxiety.

On one hand, you care for Sam and you don’t want him to drive tired. On the other, what if someone sees him spending the night?

What if one of Mark’s sisters comes unannounced?

You decide to suck it up and be a good person, patting him lightly. “Sam, Sam,” he suddenly sits up straighter, slightly disoriented, “C’mon, let’s get you on a bed.”

He pouts his lips like has more to say but ends up listening to you anyways. Halfway up the stairs he remembers his manners. “Oh. Oh, no, no—”

“You’re already halfway up the stairs, let’s just go.”

“I won’t intrude, I’ll just get back to the motel, I don’t know why I crashed like that.” You put a hand on his shoulders, looking him in the eyes intensely to give your best ‘no bullshit’ look.

“Sam Winchester, if I have to convince you not to drive half asleep, I will force feed you sleeping pills. Got it?” He lets out a laugh before pulling you in a hug. And he’s one step below you so your head fits perfectly in as you tuck it in his neck.

“Thank you.” You shouldn’t cry again. It’s already been one hell of a week without adding non-Mark related crying. You shouldn’t. But you cry yourself to sleep anyways.

Two Weeks After

“So, how have you been holding up?” You look up from the papers you’re filling to your co-worker. One of the interns that started the same time as you. You’ve gotten quite close with Sage, he’s been a great friend, no matter how little you both talk.

“‘M okay. Thank you for asking.”

“I’m sorry for your loss.” You smile tightly before nodding and giving the papers to the nurse.

“Thank you.” You walk away but he follows after you, considering you’re both heading to the same destination, the parking lot. Your first shift back finally in over a week you couldn’t be more grateful.

“Do you want a ride home? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the funeral.”

“No, thank you.” He’s being polite, you know that, but you’re not going to act the part of the widower. You’re fine. Your head’s still above water as much as anyone’s concerned. (Except Sam and Gen.)

Three Weeks After

Your mother is calling again. She won’t stop calling, and you can’t keep canceling. “Good morning, mum.”

There’s no one in the entire world that you love more than your mother. She’s your soulmate, she’s your best friend, she’s your biggest supporter. She’s everything you need and want in a person. She’s the only person who pulled you back from sinking when Jess died.

“Morning, baby girl. How are you?”

“I’m good, how about you and dad?”

She laughs as your father greets you, asking you where you’ve been. That you should call more often. That they’re there for you.

Yeah, that’s the problem.

Five Weeks After

“You’re… self-sabotaging. You don’t want to be happy, you don’t want to be okay.” The second the words leave Sam’s mouth, you try to kick him out with yelling. When that doesn’t work, you hit his chest with your fists, when that does nothing but make him barely stumble, you push yourselves onto him in an attempt to throw him off his balance, instead he holds you as you cry.

What does he know? You’re grieving! You’re mourning. You miss him every single day and second and when his siblings gave you his inheritance you broke down so hard they were scared they’ll have to bring you to a hospital.

He’s right. You’re going through the motions. Your kids ask you why they don’t go to the park on Friday. Your co-workers are worried for you. Gen cooks for you as much as she can. You killed him. You’re not— are you? You are.

“I don’t— want to. I don’t…” he shushes you, with reassuring ‘i know’ and ‘don’t worry, sweetheart’. When you’re calm enough to speak, you apologize for his tear-drenched shirt. And he gives you numbers for different therapists.

Later that week you tell Sam you won’t be doing therapy, but if he wants to help you, you’ll try. He says it’s enough compromise and he gives you a list of things to do.

Make food that’s actually food. Work extra hours (you’ve been going under your normal hours the past three weeks). Friday park dates for the kids. Saturday lunch dates for you and Gen.

Seven Weeks After

You start wearing blue. Your favorite dress with small white flowers on it. You like how you look and it forces you to shave everything you’ve been neglecting lately.

It’s time for you and Gen’s lunch date when you get a call from Sam. “I’m outside.”

You tell him you’ll be right down, spraying on perfume before running down to get your kids. “Hey, Jess, Emmy.” You capture their attention and they put down the iPad to stare at you. Maybe it’s your dress. “Sammy’s outside.” It’s the nickname Emmy’s given him and it makes your heart absolutely melt. “He’s going to drive you.”

On your lunch dates you opt to leave your kids with your sister-in-law, the one you're closest to, anyways. She’s the youngest brother’s wife. But you’re running late and Sam offered to drive them himself. You’ve never left your kids alone with Sam anywhere other than in your house, where they’re comfortable.

His car… It's worrying.

You trust Sam completely and he’s been by your side every day for the past seven weeks but these are your children there’s just no way you’d neglect their feelings like that. But he convinced you that he’ll let them call you the entire time so they’re relaxed and you agreed.

You started locking your door.

Six Months After

“When’s Sammy coming?” You shrug, plating the Mac n’ cheese Jess requested. Today, Emmy is two whole years old.

It’s the first birthday you’re celebrating without Mark. And Sam offered to bring Gen and keep you both company. You’re still close to his family, you’re there once a week, if you can, but you’re slowly falling back to your routine, so you’re about to limit it to once every two weeks. The way Mark liked it.

The way you like it.

You’re picking up more shifts and making more elaborate dishes. One of your attendings told you if you keep putting in the work, he’s thinking of taking you in Cardiovascular. Your first choice would’ve been OBG-YN but if Cardio is what you’re the best in, you’ll take it.

Once all three of you are done and putting your plates away, the doorbell rings and you smile when Emmy runs over. You keep an eye on her as she waits for Jess to open the door. Sam and Gen are loud as they enter your house, hugging the kids. Sam picks Emmy up, teasing her about being two as they make it to the kitchen.

You lean in to hug Gen. Then Sam greets you like he always does, a kiss to your head. Emmy, being the adorable two year old, drops her face to do the same and Sam has to bring her back up with a smile to both your faces.

“Mommy they got velvet! My favorite!” Jess squeals, peeking at the cake and you look at both of your friends with a grateful look.

Mark’s inheritance wasn’t even split upon you and anyone else, it’s all for you. And you’d been saving for a while too, so you’re set. Including your work, it’s going great, but they still insisted on being the ones to bring the cake.

“Okay, we watch frozen first then cake, right, baby girl?” Sam asks Emmy and she smiles, hollering in excitement. He puts her down so she, Gen and Jess can all go put the movie on, he holds you in place. “How are you?”

“I’m okay. Thank you for doing this, you really didn’t have to.” He shakes his head, taking a step closer to you, brushing a strand of your hair away from your face. And it’s weird that you know exactly what that means. “I’m better, I guess. Jess and Emmy still talk about him and— I made Mac n’ cheese today— but only because Jess wanted to—”

“Sweetheart, cooking was never about making it big, it was about what made you happy. And you’re happier when you make a big meal, I want you to feel that happiness again.” Maybe. Whatever. You still failed today, but it’s fine. “You did amazing today.” He tilts your chin up and you're forced to focus on his hazel-green eyes, “I’m proud of you. And you look beautiful.” He gestures to the pink top you have on, intricate lace design at your chest then it’s silk down till you tuck it into your jeans.

A little dressing up was in order if you’re having a mini party. Even your kids and Rue are all in dresses.

Sam walks you out to the couch, settles in next to you on one side and Jess on your other. Emmy alternated between all three of your laps.

Maybe you did amazing today.

One Year After

You call your mum as you practically bounce off the walls of your house, biting your lip so you don’t squeal like a five year old (no offense to Jess).

“Mommy?” You jump the second she answers, “I got a job with Doctor Mendez!” And because you speak to her at least four times a week about him, she’s aware of who he is, the Cardiovascular Attending at your hospital. The one who’s due to retire any day now and is looking for a replacement. While he didn’t say it exactly, you’re the only student he picked to teach!

“Really? Oh, that’s wonderful, honey. Oh my God!” You gush over the entire thing to her in a phone call that lasts a little over an hour. Your dad congratulates you too and you run to pick up Jess from football practice so you can tell her too.

She hugs you, although she doesn’t seem to care, and tells you all about her new coach.

You pick up Emmy from the nursery and one of the moms with a son who’s taking an internship at your hospital congratulates you.

For some reason, you break down the second you’re home. “Thank you for— not hating me.” You smile through tears. “I don’t think I would’ve even cared to get this far if I thought you hated me. I love you, Mark, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you and tell you everything.”

But for once while you’re talking to him, they’re not hostile tears or sorrowful. You’re content.

And not to some extent either. You’re fully content.

Especially when Sam knocks on your door. Your Saturday dinner with him and Gen is tomorrow and you mentioned that you need new clothes to which he decided to make a day of it. Jess decides she wants to hang out with Rue and Emmy follows her sister wherever she goes.

You dust yourself off and open the door. You don’t expect this many emotions when you see him. But they’re there. And they’re really really there.

“Hey.” He smiles, walking in. “Are the girls ready? I parked in the driveway but if they’re gonna take a while I can park it—”

“Why are you still here?” You see his face drop before you scramble to correct yourself, “I meant, you kept saying you move a lot and with Dean, hunting, whatever— but you’re here. It’s been a year and you’re still living in a motel, Sam.”

“I’ve actually, uh, bought an apartment. A while ago.” You can hear your heartbeat In your ears, “It seemed cheaper to just rent an apartment since… since I’m living here.”

“You’re living here— since when? What about Dean?”

“He’s settling down, too. Cicero, he’s living with his girlfriend and her kid.” You’re not supposed to cry again. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong? I’ll stop coming over if you—”

“No,” you smile, “no, that’s just. I’m so happy for Dean, he deserves it, you know? Sam, look, I don’t know him well, I barely knew you before you both showed up as cops on my doorstep, but you’re not the same men that I hung out with in Stanford, you guys look so— and I mean this in the most loving way possible— exhausted. I wanted to ask, but it never seems like the time, you know? Just know I want to know about everything. Anything you want to tell me, I want to know. You mean a lot more to me than I ever let on.”

Sam’s eyes are watery but you don’t think you’ve ever seen the man cry and he doesn’t start today, but he does bring you in for a kiss that you don’t expect. He’s slow as he brings you in, like he’s reassuring you you can pull away at any moment, but you don’t.

You let it consume you. You move in, standing taller with your hands on his biceps. It’s a strong hold, like you’re scared he’ll disappear, and maybe he will, who knows?

It won’t stop you.

Because losing people is the way of the universe and not getting close won’t stop Sam from leaving, it won’t stop your kids from hating you, and it won’t stop your friends from moving away.

And maybe it took you a damn long time to get there, but you’re not stupid enough to keep repeating the cycle at twenty eight, especially not with Sam. Never with Sam.

You just hope Mark’s proud of you. You hope he supports you. Because he pushed you here. He’s the only reason you’re able to stand tall and put yourself out there, his love, his worry for you, it changed you.

Or maybe he’s half the reason, you’re pretty strong yourself.

End.

this was super new to me in terms of I did coloring??? on the pics?? look at me beating the non creative allegations (insecurities), and different writing style that I honestly really liked. thank you for reading if you've made it this far.

tag list:

@angzls @chxrrybomb22 @pinkpantheris @ang3ldool @iloveragdollcats

@oohjana18294 @user-2538484747490203746579403 @wattpaduser200 @s0urw00lf @ashlynyyyyy

@strabarrybat @anu-piyakya97 @tranquilitybasegrunge @consistentreader578

#credit: cafe kitsune #supernatural #sam winchester #supernatural imagine #sam winchester fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester imagine #sam winchester x y/n #sammy #Stanford Sam Winchester #stanford sam #laila writes!!#sam winchester angst #remedy

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ninapi · 1 year ago

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- ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ Daddy Issues ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌

Premise: Toji, now being a single father has no idea how to raise a child on his own. His beautiful younger neighbor hears the baby crying every night, coming to his aid in more than one way.

Word count: 4365

Note: Just had the need to mention that there is no smut in this story before you start reading. lol.

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Fushiguro Toji was anything in this world but a loving and understanding parent.

Having to deal with a year-old baby on his own wasn’t his idea of fun and didn’t even know where to start.

When his wife was still alive, she was the one in charge of the kid, he barely knew how to change his diaper, and even that didn’t look to be just right. But he had no one to depend on, to ask for help, all his ‘friends’ were in the same business as he was and the women lurking around him at the bar don’t seem like good mother material.

Every night looked the same for him, the walls of his cramped tiny apartment constantly shaking with the loud wails of his infant child, he had no idea why the baby was crying, nor how to make him stop. His headaches turned into migraines and the little patience he had within him evaporated.

“Megumi, can you please, please, shut up? I’m begging you, I’ve never begged anyone in this life anything, please just sleep….” his voice came out louder than he anticipated, making you jump from your bed.

You lived next door and were having a hard time trying to sleep as well, the paper-thin walls that separated you from the distressed baby not doing much to stop the sound from coming.

You’ve worried for him for months now, you were aware the mother had passed, yet you’ve only seen your neighbor twice after that, and in all truth, he looked like someone who wasn’t interested in getting to know the people in the building and share a cup of tea or two.

But that was it, you’ve had enough.

Working wasn’t exactly easy when you’ve had only a couple of hours to sleep, and the poor baby, why was he always crying?

Initially you thought he was alone even, until this moment when you heard his father yell at him.

You understand his frustration really, but you should never talk like that to a baby. As if on cue, the baby just started crying louder, scared by his dad’s anger display.

Tying a robe around your body, you walked outside your apartment, knocking on the foreign door beside your own.

Toji’s face when he saw you on the other side wasn’t one of anger, was more one of despair. He had blackish bags under his eyes, his cheeks were hollow, his head looked like a bird had nested on it and his shirt was full of what looked like baby vomit.

Not the prettiest sight.

“What do you want?”

“Excuse me sir, I’m your neighbor, (Y/N). Seemed to me like your child was having some troubles to sleep…I’m a certified pre-school teacher, so I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help…” the soft smile on your face was almost blinding, were you an angel sent by the heavens to rescue him from his demise? Did he even believe in angels? Because now, he certainly does.

Without uttering a single word, he moved to the side, leaving space for you to go into his apartment, immediately collapsing on the couch right after.

The baby was in his crib, his throat raw from screaming. His little onesie matched his dad’s shirt soiled with old milky vomit; his diaper as full and heavy as it could be.

No wonder he was crying like this.

“I will be using your bathroom. Where do you keep his clothing?” he pointed to a cardboard box laying next to his crib, earning a scowl from you. You were honestly in no position to judge him, he lost his wife not long ago and his job was of a dubious nature, but this were no conditions for a child to grow up into.

Grabbing the only clean looking onesie you could find, you took the baby into the bathroom and gave him a very much refreshing bath, his hair was all sticky and his nails way too long. You took care of that as well and got him into his clean pj’s in record time. Quickly moving to get some milk warmed up and in his zippy cup all before Toji could even realize what was going on.

But one thing was clear for him.

Megumi wasn’t crying anymore.

In fact, he just heard him giggle, which made him look up at you. He was in your arms, and you kept on bouncing him while he drank some warm delicious goodness, his little cheek nuzzling your own, sleep clad in his beautiful, rounded eyes.

You got there less than twenty minutes ago, and Megumi was now asleep.

How was this possible? He’s been trying for months, and he only sleeps when he passes out from crying too much…

You placed his little blanky over him, caressing his hair until you were sure he wasn’t going to wake up anytime soon, then headed over to his father, speaking in a quiet small voice, “There. He was too dirty, babies tend to be very picky with this sort of stuff, just make sure to change his diaper more often and change his clothing when dirty. Also, his onesies are too small for him now, you need to buy him larger clothing, it hurts his little legs, so I left the buttons open.” Toji was staring at you like you were some sort of goddess who came to tame his little beast, this was no easy fit, he was just as fierce as his dad…

“He’s a lovely well behaved baby boy, I’m sure he won’t give you many troubles.” that, however, made him scoff. “HA! He’s a little dirty beast, that’s what he is! All he does is scream and poop.” his loud outburst made Megumi cry once again, his father annoying you more than the poor tired child, “Tch, don’t be so loud!”

He was smirking your way instead of feeling offended, now you’d see what kind of a beast his child is. Or so he thought, because Megumi stopped crying once in your arms, his face pressed to your chest enjoying its softness and warmth, leaving Toji speechless with his mouth gaping.

“Such a good boy you are~” the child refused to leave the comfort of your chest, making you sit on the filthy couch that reeked of beer to wait for his slumber to come back.

“What do they teach in pre-school? Is it some sort of magic? He’s never acted this way, not even when his mother was alive.” his reply made you chuckle, petting the baby’s tiny back in the process. “Hmm…we teach them the days of the week, how to cut and practice writing, how to tend plants, how to color, things like that.” humoring him this far was more than what he is used to with other women, they usually just want him for cash and a fun lusty night, but they’ve never cared to talk like this with him, he was an intimidating man after all.

“Pfft and how does that make my son stop crying? Stop it, spill the beans, how did you do it?” he sat by your side, the sly smirk on his lips never leaving his rough, handsome face.

“I just got him cleaned up and fed, that’s all.” the sound of your voice made the boy snuggle deeper into your bosom, drooling all over the patch of skin that was in view.

Toji’s eyes were on his every move, a sudden wave of understanding hitting him hard, “I see…he’s definitely my son…” his loud cackles made Megumi stir and got you to frown once more. This time though, you didn’t need to scold him, he got it just by looking at your angered face. “Sorry, sorry…he just looked so comfy, of course anybody would sleep just fine there.” his jokes made you blush, quite an unexpected thing in such situation.

He was a handsome man, there was no human out there that would dare to argue that. Yet, he was definitely older and had some serious cleanliness issues, not entirely your type but aggravating nonetheless.

“Would you consider being his nanny? I could pay you double what you make in that pre-school of yours…” tempting offer, but you loved your job and weren’t looking for a new one.

“My son is clearly in love with you, I don’t think he’d accept anyone else…and you live next door so you wouldn’t have to spend money by going to work.” One of his chubby, calloused fingers came a little to close to your chest startling you, though, his aim was to clean his child’s drool before it landed again on your silky skin, it was a heartwarming scene.

“I can’t leave my job, they need me. Though, I only work the morning shift, so I’m back by noon. I can help, at least until you get used to the single parenting thing.” you said all this while looking at his child with such tender eyes that he just couldn’t say no to your proposal, he works late mostly anyways, sounded like a good deal.

“I would appreciate that.” his demeanor had changed for the better since you shared the same couch, an understanding like no other found without the need for words.

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The next day your shift got cut short as the children had a previously scheduled trip to the zoo.

Some parents insisted on going as well so you gave them your space in the bus, using your time to clean the playroom, it was time to donate some toys and you had the perfect baby in mind for this.

You gathered a few plushies and age-appropriate books and placed them in your backpack just before leaving for the day.

Remembering the face of despair his dad had when you mentioned getting new clothing for him, you stopped by the store and got him a couple of onesies and other outfits that would actually fit him, you could just give him the receipt, that should be easier for him.

And it was, he had never felt so grateful towards someone in his entire life when he saw all the new things you had for his child.

He isn’t the best dad out there and he’s aware of that, he didn’t really care if he was being honest, he always planned to sell him to the Zenin’s anyways, but raising a child was a pain and he never expected it to be that complicated.

“Can you tell me where the cleaning supplies are, Fushiguro-san? I would like to clean the carpet and the couch, it isn’t good for Gumi to breathe in so much dust.” he nodded, going in circles in his own living room, he didn’t know where they were, if there were any. “Just wait here, I’ll go buy some. Is there anything else you need from the store?”

“Hm…there’s not many diapers left, also it would be nice to have a smaller spoon for him.” going over to find his wallet, he headed out of the door only acknowledging you slightly while you tended his son. It was an intimate conversation and it had him somehow flustered, the big’ol Fushiguro Toji, flushing over the sight of his child chewing on the side of your arm while you checked his fridge. It’s not like he didn’t find his ex-wife attractive, because he did, but she was very different from you, almost as much of a man as he was, you were soft, tender, kind, your round curves and soft features weren’t like the ones he finds in bars and clubs, he needed to get his shit together before he’d end up drooling on you as much as his son.

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It's been a few weeks since you and Toji officially met and it still amazes him how much his life has changed in such a short period of time.

For the best, mind you.

But the best change in it, he would agree for it to be how much he’s been sleeping lately. Megumi entered a new routine with you, one that makes him sleep always at the same time, without waking up much, meaning Toji also has been getting some very much needed rest.

Even if Toji knows his life has improved, Megumi is the one who’s been enjoying life like no other these days.

Since his dad is in charge of him in the morning, he decided is best to sleep and recharge energy, that way his dad can do his grown up things without much problem and he would get all the play time in the world once you’re back from work.

His diet has improved as well, you found out Toji was feeding him instant ramen and this alerted you beyond words and you made a priority getting him all the nutrients he’s been missing.

His clothes fits, he has new books and toys, clean sheets, in general life was good to him lately.

Though Toji was now expecting you to get tired of this, you did have a job, a tiring one at that and still had to do your own stuff, but you’ve been visiting him daily and staying until Megumi signed off for the night, you must be tired, he knows he would be for sure. And knowing this had him on edge, what would he do without you? Their life is so much better nowadays, is this why people get married? Because he totally gets it now.

He’s been thinking about it all day and now that he’s back from work, he would tell you to feel free to drop this whenever you wanted. True, he didn’t want you to go away any time soon, or ever…but having you in a tight leash without it being your responsibility would just end in you sick and tired of the situation, he wanted to give you options, comfort even.

But when he stepped inside his own apartment, the sight behind the door made his brain to stop working.

You were laying down on his couch, Megumi on top of your belly, slapping your cheeks lovingly while giggling, “MmmMa” he’s been trying since forever but learning new skills without help is almost impossible for a baby, having you around talking to him constantly and encouraging him to talk has been doing wonders for the child, he’s very smart after all.

“Did he just call you mama?” Toji was still by the door, one shoe still on, unable to move from his spot.

“Oh Toji-san! Welcome back, how was work? And honestly I’m not sure, I haven’t told him to call me mama so I don’t know where he got it from.” Your explanation made Toji uncomfortable, he does know where he got it from. For a lack of a better word, he’s been referring to you as such in front of his son, is just complicated to explain a baby that you weren’t his mother, nor sister, nor family even but a simple neighbor, because not even the term ‘friend’ would be accurate. Megumi would call him “Ppa” so it was easier to call you “Mama�� for him to understand, and it seemed like it did work, a bit too well for his liking.

“Oh well, he’s a smart kid. He doesn’t remember his mother and you certainly act like one, he’s just a little confused. Sorry if that freaked you out…” rubbing the back of his head he hoped that you wouldn’t notice how he wished that was in fact a reality.

“It didn’t don’t worry. It is normal, for younger kids you know? They call their teachers mama too, it’s happened a few times to me already. Though Gumi is special to me, so I don’t mind it one bit. You though….I hope you know I’m not trying to replace your late wife in any way….” your rosy cheeks were a blessing from the gods, there was no prettier sight out there, he was sure of that. But how much he wishes you were trying to fill in the spot, would remain a secret for a bit longer.

“I know you’re not. But I wouldn’t mind it if you were.” shooting you a flirty wink, he was finally able to move away from the door, the spell you had him under breaking with the blushy display.

“Don’t say that, it would make her sad…” even if you were wiggling on the couch, flushed all the way to your ears, it was still a bit sad, knowing someone lost this wonderful child and handsome husband, you’d be devastated if you’d have to leave a family behind like she was forced to.

“I know you think I’m joking, but I know for sure it wouldn’t. She was….an interesting woman. I just know she would be happy knowing Megumi has someone to look after him and give him the life she knows I can’t give him…he’s so happy and healthy lately, it’s making me think things through…” your heart grew three sizes with his words. In all truth, you’ve been just as happy. Your life used to be boring and pretty empty, your work was the only thing keeping you sane back then, but now? Now you look forward to get on a train and get back home as soon as possible, to see the cute cuddly ball of fluff that was now napping on your chest, you missed him so much when you were working it was crazy, even seeing Toji who came in the package was exciting to you these days.

“Why can’t you though? I know at first when I met you, it would be difficult to picture you as a good dad…but lately…I see how things have changed. I don’t think you need me as much anymore.” there it was…he knew it was coming.

“I’ve managed to make it work only because of you. It’s weird but now I think about what I have to get from the store every day, how many diapers are left, know his favorite snack and the temperature I need to set his bath for, and now I even know which days I have to take out the trash…Megumi’s mother wouldn’t recognize me if she could see me now. And that’s a good thing.” his boisterous laugh made you smile in response. You hoped he still wanted you around, you’ve been just as anxious as he was, thinking the very same thing, what if he didn’t want you close anymore? What if he decides Megumi needed a proper sitter? What if he got himself a girlfriend and the woman didn’t want you visiting every day?

But being objective that was very unlikely, you even got a set of keys for his apartment last week, the keychain had your name engraved and all, just like Toji’s….it was quite clear he wanted you there. And so did the baby in your arms.

“Well, I don’t know her, but I am very much proud of your growth as a father, Toji-san. You just needed to get used to being a dad, I assume is not that easy…”

“It isn’t. But you look more like a mother than his actual one, so I doubt you’d have any troubles if you ever have a kid.” Big words coming from a man like him…he’s been acting strange the past week and it’s starting to worry him a little. His way of speaking has softened, his dirty jokes stopped, he still flirts with you but who wouldn’t when you look so pretty with his son in your arms, it’s impossible to control the beast to that extent, specially on days you came to his house wearing those tiny shorts of yours, he’s turning into a saint, a blue-balled one, and all because of you, he doesn’t want you to freak out and run away, so he’s been behaving as nicely as he can, very unlike his normal self, he’s used to take what he wants when he wants it, but you were that good.

“It’s just Gumi, he’s so adorable and so well behaved….I guess he makes the maternal side of me come out.” your cute giggles not only woke the baby up but lit up a fire in his father’s body. He wanted to hear you closer, suddenly he was envious of his own child and how he was able to lay on you and cuddle your boobs as if they were pillows, the definition of a good life…

“He was nothing like that until you came though…a demon child. I’m his father though, so I guess it makes sense.” giggling some more just for him, you got up to set the child down in his crib, Toji sitting on the couch hoping you’d follow his lead, which you did, sitting right beside him.

“Well if I tamed the demon child, I must try to tame the demon daddy too then.” You’ve never flirted back, he was almost sure you weren’t interested, this was new, and he was not stupid enough to let it go, scooting himself closer to your warmth to encourage you to continue. “I’m untamable, gorgeous, but you can certainly try…” you didn’t move away, coming even closer to him instead. He’s undeniably hot and he’s changed so much, you thought it’d be hell sharing the same space with this man, but was quite the opposite, his house was now clean enough, his fridge full with food, his son fitting in his clothing as he should and his snarky bite had died down as days went by.

Flirting became the norm after that.

Toji never thought of getting another wife, he could get all the women he wanted without getting into a relationship but you changed the picture real quick.

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The day had come for the Zenin’s to meet Megumi.

Toji had been thinking of selling his child to them basically since the day he was born. Even if he hated them, his kid would be worth way more money than he could count. It’s not like he needed the money for anything, or wanted anything really, yet he kept on betting in silly races as that was the only thing he had to look forward to; before you came to his life of course.

Now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

Not only would he not have an excuse to see you every day without Megumi, but he’s also been getting along way better with his son since your arrival.

At first being a parent was just a nuisance to him, but now it wasn’t as much and not only because he got to see you or because you made his life easier, but because he finally understands what his kid wants and has seen how it feels to have a woman around the house, how nice it is to live in a clean environment, to eat delicious home cooked meals every day, how nice it is to get greeted by the door after a long day at work and how nice it is to be welcomed by cute giggles and warm smiles.

Being a dad wasn’t so bad anymore, nor was it the concept of being a husband.

Refusing to meet the old man was a bold move on his part, he was sure he’d have to pay for that decision at some point, but he just couldn’t bare the thought of giving him and the life they had now away just for some money. He could just take a couple more jobs and make up for it, even if one day Megumi would have to face them straight ahead, that day is still very far from now.

So instead of meeting the old dread, he went over by your school to pick you up and enjoy a nice stroll together on the way home.

The face you made when you saw him and the cute baby half asleep on his shoulders was one to remember.

Joy could be felt within a mile range. You weren’t expecting this, such a nice surprise. “Hello beautiful, got you some of that fancy coffee you like.”handing you the very much needed caffeinated treat, he smiled down at you, a smile like none you’ve seen in the past. He looked so good today, it was doing things to your insides. “Thanks Toji-san I appreciate it. But why are you here? Did something bad happen?”

“Nah, just taking the babe out for some sun…thought of picking up the other babe so she could join us, that’s all…” his confidence was almost intimidating but also very alluring, he was so sexy.

“That does sound fun…” but before you could step out of the school a younger teacher came out looking for you, you dropped your phone and hadn’t even noticed yet. “(Y/N)! Wait! Here, you left this in the class.” her eyes were glued to handsome piece of meat in front of her, annoying you to the point of getting in between the two with a scowl on your face. “Thank you, I didn’t notice. Now if you excuse us….” you leaned closer, taking Megumi off of Toji and into your arms, your free hand landing on Toji’s bicep, in an almost too intense possessive display. Toji on the other hand was thoroughly enjoying this, not only did he have two beautiful women “fighting” for him, but this was the confirmation he was looking for on your end to act upon his feelings.

Taking a hold of your tiny hand in his larger one, he just started walking on the opposite direction, completely ignoring the other girl and dragging his ray of sunshine back home for some quality time together.

Being a dad is complicated.

Being a single dad is even worse.

But thanks to it he found the most wonderful woman the world had to offer .

And yes, he did have some issues to work around still, like his awfully dangerous job and betting addiction, but for someone as broken and rough as him to get someone so soft and fantastic was worth any sort of sacrifice, for his babe-one and babe-two as he started calling you guys, a term that would soon enough be changed to ‘family’, he could do anything…

°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。°。

Masterlist

#jujutsu x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu fluff #jujutsu toji #jujutsu fanfic #toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji x reader #jjk fushiguro #fushiguro toji #fushiguro x reader #daddy toji #baby megumi #jjk fluff #fluff #single father toji #family fluff #soft toji

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