#a constant mood these days
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greppelheks · 8 days ago
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I don't know how you've all experienced the year 2024, but I barely witnessed it, and I've been fighting for my life
#I've been in a constant state of flight and stress#there's been disaster after disaster#I didn't do a lot of fun things#and the things I did#I didn't enjoy very much or I don't remember them#I remember them as a fact (a mark on my calendar) but barely a memory let alone a feeling#I lost motivation for work and I fucked up a lot#my highs and lows have changed six times a day#like biblical proportions mood swings#lots of anger and sadness but they've barely registered either#way too much awareness in the present which was overwhelming but I haven't remembered them afterwards#or it just felt insignificant and boring#lots of doubts about myself lots of questions#it's been one crazy fucking year#usually I have some big grand plan or idea of how I want to do better next year#but now I'm just like ehh#which just raises more questions about wtf is wrong with me :)#haven't had a single day where I didn't wake up with a tension headache or pain in my neck or shoulders#or a single day amongst people where I didn't get agitated angry hurt feeling rejected#which hasn't happened all that much the past ten years so that's crazy#lots of old feelings. that I can handle now. no breakdowns or extreme sadness#it's just weird i dont understand myself at the moment#too lazy to grab my journal#(have been too lazy/bored/tired all year to spend any time on hobbies)#so the big rant goes here#I hope in 2025.... I get to calm the fuck down#i dont have a big plan or idea. I just want peace... and enjoyment...#looking back at my resolutions for 2024 is sad#im like that was me only a year ago what Happened?#personal
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the-jam-to-the-unicorn · 7 months ago
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Little snippet from Olena's BT interview
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thermodynamic-comedian · 8 months ago
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listen. i do not ever want anything bad to happen to lena kelley. however i do want her to, at some point, be in so much distress that someone has to comfort her. do you understand.
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rxkuyo · 4 months ago
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"Ahaha Daemon is so dumb for believing the old man is the one actively poisoning him when the weird goth witch giving him weird concoctions is right there."
May I introduce you to a beautiful concept known as sleep deprivation ? Man's only gotten poor quality sleep (if any at all) for weeks for all we know. Mood swings and paranoia are bound to go hand in hand with that one. Logical thinking ? Nope. Not happening. You add the fucking hallucinations further messing up his mind to the mix and you get exactly what we see.
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prideprejudce · 5 months ago
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i actually may just skip this episode until tomorrow because i have truly no interest tonight in seeing crispy coldsore and alicent go at it like freaks again or to see rhaenyra and her children almost murdered in bed
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suffercerebral · 6 months ago
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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bestfriendforever · 3 months ago
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Powerful Quote
If life is an endless cycle of dirty dishes and laundry, then it also means life is an endless cycle of home-cooked meals and cosy, clean clothes.
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faithfromanewperspective · 2 months ago
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idk how to explain it but a rage-driven desire to change the world coupled with the anticipation of finally dealing with something weighing on me for a long time and the relief that something can be done about that thing but also. racing thoughts and being unable to not act Right Now or say no to any of the ideas I have on how this can be done, while also having a breakthrough and processing a bunch of things that have happened to me and how they impacted me all of a sudden—that’s not normal ‘period is about to hit’ behaviour/experience is it?
#see I really don’t think I’m manic rn. I think this’ll wear off to something normal in a couple of days#but it’s also that feeling of having repressed something for so long and it comes out all at once and I feel lighter and empowered#that’s the feeling. empowerment. with a side of desperation but the desperation isn’t fearful; it’s more like hypomania#or the excitement of being stuck on something for so long and finally! having a lead! for a potential solution!#I went through all stages of grief And a very rushed half of the design process in the last 45 minutes. this should not be possible#rapid mood shifts mixed with exploding after bottling soemthing up (but the rage is positive for me bc I made it that way) and underlying#mixed depression and hypomania with constant stress on top? would that do it? Is the hypomania coming back? or just my personality?#or a mix of the adhd and pda profile that I spiral in positive thoughts and get super energised as well as in negative ones (the latter les#when all I can think of is how therapy works too slow for me. is that something that needs to be accommodated or a symptom?#personal mental health tag#bipolar#bpd#throwing it in these tags so someone can weigh in. conditions I more or less meet criteria for#or is it unlocking a memory and facts about myself that I repressed via dissociation? could be many things. I’m excited. I want to sleep#and I’m about to double dose on my melatonin to try that sounds like a bad idea. even it can’t kick whatever excitement chemical in my body#(also I’m obv not gonna take more than double)#but imagine feeling trapped all the time. then you find hope to feel free. of course you’d be excited
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ellieellieoxenfree · 2 months ago
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today is apparently world myositis day, so let's give a shoutout to an incurable, uncontrollable disease they're still relying on the same treatments (staggeringly large amounts of corticosteroids) from at least 25 years ago to vaguely manage. it's a very cool autoimmune disorder where your white blood cells aren't smart enough to tell the difference between your own muscle cells and foreign invaders, so it just attacks all of them. it causes muscle weakness, fatigue, chronic pain, inflammation, rashes (depending on your variety of myositis), difficulty swallowing, and often comes bundled with other diseases like raynaud's (increased sensitivity and numbness with cold) and calcinosis (regenerating lumps/clusters of hardened calcium under the skin). many myositis patients also suffer from a variety of comorbid mental illnesses, notably depression and PTSD, due to the constant trauma and exhaustion of a barely manageable disability.
also, importantly, if you either don't have the form of the disease that gives you rashes and/or you don't actively show a rash at that moment, able-bodied people love to chirp at you that 'you don't look sick!' and then you get to fantasize about beating them to death with the claw end of a hammer.
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anyataylorjoys · 1 year ago
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I hate to say it but halloween is basically cancelled. we're celebrating it through share of media content on the internet only and with a feeling of unwavering heaviness due to current events and somehow celebrities still are out here dressing up and going to parties and events like how can you be doing anything but mourning the world right now and feeling in some way complicit or at least guilty for having basic necessities while a genocide is taking place as we speak.
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lunaetis · 1 year ago
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[ sorry about lack of activity / ic content as of late. i've been battling a writer's block that is creeping in from my work stress. my health hasn't been the best either due to stress and lack of sleep as well so writing & wording had been difficult for me. i've been catching up on g.enshin & h.sr quests during the weekend, but i'm going to try to attempt some drafts / writing this week. ( hopefully i'm not jinxing myself with that ! ) thank you everyone for being so patient & understanding with me ! ]
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arom-antix · 2 years ago
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Was reminded of Kazuki Tomono's Worlds exhibition and then my hand slipped
Bonus:
Viktor is not ok
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apocalypticdemon · 4 months ago
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y'know. it really sucks to feel yourself back-sliding, mentally, when you know you've been doing pretty alright for a while
#i can feel it coming scoob. frankly i think it may already be here.#i am always so tired. frustrated. having really fun mood swings.#and my job is deeply taxing and deeply stressful. ao i never get any fucking reprieve.#and i literally don't have the energy to care for myself at home reliably.#so my whole fuckin day got ruined today bc my landlord visited with some people to measure the place.#and i spent hours cleaning. and he ended the call by trlling me my apartment was dirty.#so. i cried. bc i have no emotional resilience anymore on account of the constant stress#and then i cut someone off in traffic today despite trying really hard to Not do that#but despite checking my mirrors and blind spot 4 times i still managed it!#and they sped past me. so i screamed at them from the safety of my car with the windows rolled up.#and then immediately burst into uncontrollable tears that lasted the better part of 30 min#and nearly made me puke.#so now. i am hollowed-out and exhausted. just barely making it through.#and i can feel how close the absolute meltdown is. and i can't fuckin do anything about it bc i can't miss work! fuck!#it's been an exceptionally stressful two weeks and I've had it. but we keep trucking i guess.#idk im sad and frustrated and just going through it rn. and it sucks bc i remember being happy.#and i'm just not anymore.#i ramble#sorry this was long and rambly and unasked for i'm just having a really really bad day#and will be having them every day until at least august!
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boydykedevo · 5 months ago
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place je passé Mozart L’Opera Rock is so Devo-coded <- guy who only thinks abo—
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girlfox · 6 months ago
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i think that alongside ahri's ears being heavily decorated, her tails should be too . . . especially with how glittery and pretty and soft they are; a little jewelry would only enhance just how beautiful her tails are.
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ahri typically wears a red ribbon tied in a bow at the base of her tails, and when she's feeling a little extra, i think it's not uncommon for her to adorn the prettiest chains and trinkets around her tails. they clasp at the base, and drape over ivory fur gently. they'll sometimes include tiny bells that chime, or gold plated pieces of ionian symbols.
i mean, if they're one's most valuable asset, why not show them off, right? ✨
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qumiiiquinnquin · 1 year ago
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and now im fine again! :)
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