#a certain way. but also. damn what the fuck maybe just break free already. shit.

[alibrandi]

thinking about gender thinking about fatness thinking about stuff and thinking about how easy i have it as a skinny white gnc woman and wondering why it is not easy for other skinny white women and gnc women and why they seem to think the barbie movie is a rallying cry for feminism lol.

[bizkitsnuggets]

KUJO, THE BLUE TANG.

masterlist.

No, no, no, no. This cannot be happening. I take it back. I do care about who my partner is!

Poor [Y/N] internally screamed. This was a nightmare. Maybe not so much for the jealous girls who immediately stared daggers at [Y/N] after hearing the teacher announce that. But for her, it is.

‘Cause that means she has to deal with emo delinquent first hand. She already knew that she was definitely going to fail this class. First of all, [Y/N] and Jotaro had never interacted with each other. Well, other than creepy eye contacts throughout the year.

But that was it! [Y/N] couldn’t be bothered about some jacked up delinquent guy. And Kujo Jotaro couldn’t give a single shit about an ordinary girl at some shitty school he goes to.

And this also means that [Y/N] has to actually communicate with her mouth, not her eyes. Sure, she has experience conversing with customers at the tea shop but those were strangers. And none of them were bad boys who smoke and skip class and have ten belts on their waists.

“Alright, that’s all! Now let me actually talk about the project.” The teacher spoke, gaining everyone’s attention. “You’ll all have to create a cardboard presentation about an animal of your choosing. It must include its origin, habitat, population, and fun facts! You are free to decorate your presentation in any way you want. Just nothing inappropriate, please.” He finished explaining.

[Y/N] rolled her eyes involuntarily, dreading the moment when she has to discuss with Jotaro later. Despite hating the fact that she has to work with Jotaro, she more so hates the fact that she’ll have one missing assignment. What’s worse? Working with tall emo, or not having all your assignments completed?

She let out a sigh of distress, taking out her pencil and notebook from under the desk and strategically planning steps about how to talk to Jotaro. Was it necessary? Yes. Very much so.

“Oh, by the way, this project will contribute 50% to your scores so if you don’t submit it… say goodbye to graduating.”

Oh, suck my ass.

Once the bell rang, indicating the second lunch break, [Y/N] quickly cleaned up her desk and chased after Jotaro who was already out of the classroom. This was basically like an elephant and mouse chase, reversed.

“Kujo!” The girl managed to breathe out once their proximity was close enough. Jotaro stopped in response to hearing his surname being called out. [Y/N] catches up to him and composes herself before speaking to him again. “Hey, uh.”

Shit, nice going [Y/N]

She was now face to face with Kujo Jotaro. His muscular frame looming over her. She didn’t know if it was the atmosphere or the gaze he had, but if anyone was passing by, they’d think [Y/N] and Jotaro were going to have a brawl.

Damn, for someone who smokes ten cigarettes every day, he looks pretty healthy.

“So…” [Y/N] started, looking up at him as she spoke. “When are you free—”

“Shut up”

“Excuse me—”

Jotaro grunted, “shut the fuck up,  you’re noisy”. He gives her the nastiest glare a man could ever have and leaves to probably have a smoke break. “What the actual fuck…” The dumbfounded girl mumbled to herself as she stood there as if Jotaro had just revealed that he was batman. The girl was lost, to say the least.

Well, that was fucking rude. So much for running all the way here.

The girl sulked as she made her way back to her classroom. Passing by a certain someone’s locker and kicking it as hard as she can.

“Ow!”

Maybe Jotaro had a bad day. Maybe, just maybe, he was having a bad day and is in one of his moods right now. This isn’t the end of the world. We can still try this tomorrow. There’s still another chance.

Truth to be told, [Y/N] was one hundred and one percent sure this wasn’t going to work and she’d have to be held back a year because some stupid kid couldn’t cooperate with her.

That man already looks like an asshole, acting like one isn’t helping him or anyone at this matter. Looking like you have an attitude is one thing, but actually having an attitude is another. Damn, did this frustrate the girl.

It definitely agitated her because she was glaring onto the vase of flowers on the teachers desk while squeezing her juice box like a mad man.

Count your days, Kujo.

[the-one-who-lambs]

Yeah this is basically what happened to me. I got into cult of the lamb right when I started grad school (because-- surprise surprise-- I latch on to things when I'm making a huge transition in my life) and my default creative outlet is writing so I poured alllll my thoughts into my fanfics, even early on.

At this point, I'd been wondering for a while if I was autistic, but I had neglected to actually try to answer that question. Without realizing it, I started projecting all my "negative" autistic traits onto Narinder and essentially exaggerating the parts of myself I didn't want to deal with: quick to anger (easily overwhelmed and overstimulated), stubborn (strong sense of justice), communication struggles, and so on and so on because he's my blorbo and so so punchable his fall from godhood, and subsequently relearning how to live and trying to fit the mold of a life he wasn't meant for, is so analogous to unmasking for me. He's such a great representation of what my "ugly" traits could manifest as if I did not consistently try to be kind and humble and patient because he was failed, and he committed every sin in response to that because he should be allowed to be fucking angry and he'd rather be a villain than an idealized victim (and we love him for it).

Shamura encouraged him to seek change, and when he interpreted that in a way that they weren't prepared for + felt threatening to their order, they punished him for it. What experience is more autistic than that? They decided his agency was an appropriate price to pay, and he retaliated with his claws. You are free only as long as you fit into your place and keep quiet and push your thoughts of breaking your limitations down, down, down, until you explode.

I think I've said this before, but sometimes there is no secret silver lining to being disabled and not everything needs to have an upside. Being autistic makes me creative and passionate, but it's also made me scare the shit out of people because I've lashed out at them when they don't understand when I need to be left alone, and it's made me bitter and jealous and unpalatable at times. Sometimes there are aspects that genuinely just make life fucking hard for you (and for others, but you're prepared to bite the hand that feeds you at the slightest mishap, so maybe you're past caring at this point).

Writing Narinder gave me an outlet for that. Suddenly, I had a way to process and express symptoms that sometimes made me just plain unpleasant. I went to see a new psychiatrist for unrelated reasons. She already suspected me being autistic because of my past diagnoses and psych test results, but when I told her about the way I'd projected into my fanfics and especially how I'd been wringing Narinder out like a sopping wet washcloth, that was what made her absolutely certain (and my infodump was also probably the longest 15 minutes of her life).

I've gotten tons of questions about writing advice, about how my characterization feels realistic, how I made the bishops (and Narinder) so damn sympathetic while also being unequivocally Fucked Up. My advice is this: write the antagonist you're scared of becoming, write them in a way that scares you and makes you feel alive. The rest will fall into place.

I have been conducting the autistic Narinder train for nearly a year and a half now and every once in a while as I write him, I am reminded exactly why this fucking deathgod of a pathetic cat is genuinely one of the key reasons I got diagnosed with autism

[trutrustories]

Bad fighter Mobius M. Mobius is the best kind of Mobius M. Mobius, Actually.

I already loved Mobius more than most of the MCU characters before episode 6 came out, but THAT scene in Ravonna´s Office was really game changer for me. Until then I was actually sure, that this man is a great fighter. Because HOW THE FUCK COULD HE NOT BE, RIGHT? I mean...

he looks so sure of himself, He´s going on those missions with trained hunters all the time, he´s fearless! And then Ravonna says: “even with that, you´re of no danger to me” And I was like: Ha! keep dreaming girl He´ll show you! And Mobius was like: “Is that what you think? Let´s see..” And I was like: Yeeees that´s my boyyyyy!!!”

And then Ravonna was like...

Mobius in the air in like a split of second. And I was like 

But Mobius freaking smiled and was like: “Yeah you were right”

ok. OK. HE´S MY FUCKING FAVOURITE NOW. THERE IS NO ONE BETTER THEN HIM SORRY.  Suddenly I was lost. I was blown away. It was HE BETTER STAYS IN MCU FOREVER OR I WILL SCREAM type of feeling. So let me get this straight. He can´t fight. He probably knows that he is not a good fighter, and he...  HOLY SHIT. THE WHOLE SERIES IS SO MUCH BETTER!!! .... As much as I love the idea of strong Mobius with long hair and daggers, looking for Loki through entire universe… I´m not sure, if I really want to see that in canon. I just love this cute and non-combatant version of Mobius too much, I´m sorry! Let me explain my weird brain please: we have lots of strong heroes in MCU – those who are great fighters, or those who had to learn how to fight.   The one thing I always loved about Iron man was the fact, that he really needed his brilliant brain, his technology (suit) and bravery to fight. And in the end he was the hero who saved them all. I mean… yeah. There are side-kicks, like Happy Hogan, or Luis (Ant man´s best friend) and I LOVE them! But none of them has got as much screen time and importance, as Mobius. When I think about what I love so much about him and his dynamic with Loki, there is always this one thing that prevails: one of them is an incredibly strong but also very careful god (not when he´s drunk though) who uses a lots of strategies and plans, while the other is a tiny man in a suit who can´t fight shit but runs into the throat of a danger every chance he get and no one can´t stop him. just look at him!!!

He goes on missions with these trained hunters to just look around for clues and has no concerns about potentional harm whatsoever.

And he even finds the time to stand up for normal people and be kind to them in the process:

Once Loki has no collar, on his neck he could break all Mobius´s limbs in a matter of seconds if he wanted to, but Mobius is completely sure he has nothing to worry about around his Loki. He´s not scared of ANYTHING, especially  of Loki variants. Like EVER! :D

let me break it down in detail for ya. I made a list: When they are taking Loki on his first mission outside, Loki asks, if no one is concerned that he is going to has his magic back...

well, maybe someone actually is concerned by that but it sure as hell isn´t Mobius. He just simply says that he could get Loki to Time keepers if he won´t try anything and like... this one line is getting on Loki so much, that Loki even tries to use it few moments latter xD And here is the best scene ever: 

LOKI: “we can go anywhere!” 

MOBIUS: “I´m not taking you for a stroll along the promenade, much less an apocalypse” FEW MOMENTS LATTER:

Hang on. Wait. So you telling me, he took this man outside without  permission, without backup (you know, hunters, that actually CAN fight), right to the apocalypse, knowing that Loki can use his powers anytime, however he wants.  It´s just...  God. I love him!!! And then he just hands him the daggers like it´s no big deal!

Like are we all aware this man has no any super powers, no big strength, nor any impressive fighting skills and he is willing to give him daggers for a mission, where this god is capable of magic and everyone else in team ECCEPT mobius is at least able to fight????? And he just has that small bulletproof vest,  and a raincoat and he chats with Loki in a rain like it was a fucking another apocalyptic DATE?

Ok. Let´s jump to the episode four He goes and persuades Ravonna to let him interrogate Sylvie and he is straight up arguing with her, even when he´s told how dangerous Sylvie is. This man LOVES danger!!! 

Once he has doubts he  decides to risk it all and  swaps TemPads right behind Ravonnas back. 

And he is watching it OUT LOUD in a place where anyone can show up at anytime! 

no but serously. This is a face of a man who is EXCITED for a dangerous adventures with Loki. Yeah, lets bring this whole place down together! 

And then we have this scene. Mobius really has a nerves to pull “ ha ha I had to take it by mistake” line right there. 

But once he understand he´s gonna die, he just take his fate with bravery and talks to Ravonna about life he really desires. 

And remember that time Ravonna warned him about this variant and how dangerous she is?  He casually saves her, just like that. No big deal. 

He even has a time to make teasing notes about how  Sylvie should be more careful jumping to a strangers car like that and how she really is one of the Lokis. 

And after he saves her, he manage to apologize to her  and make her to like him. EVERY FREAKING LOKI LIKES HIM! - that has to be his super power I swear And then Sylvie is like: well actually let´s go back there, I think It´s the best idea ever.  And mobius is like:  What back to the angry cloud? - oh great. fuck this why the hell not. Lets do it. 

so... while Loki and Sylvie are getting closer, lets show us, how literally every Loki likes Mobius (like not even alligator loki wants to hurt him, even when Mobius suggests that he is a liar I CAN´T) And just random (AGAIN) during the chat  saving Loki and Sylvie (without even knowing) when he inspires Classic Loki to change. 

He offers free tickets straght to the TVA to kid Loki, classic Loki and an alligator. I mean... What a LEGEND. 

when he gets there he just knock on Ravonna´s door and is like - lets talk about it xDD

And he isn´t even suprised to lose that fight. He makes himself comfortable on the floor: yeah you were right. Here we go again. Just prune me already, doesn´t matter, I have my Lokis there anyway.

But make no mistake, I don´t think he is stupid, or naive. That is the most fascinating thing about him.  He is brilliant. He can makes great plans (it surely as hell was him, who come up with the high school scheme) He is a great  investigator, he  is familiar with psychology very well, he know how to manipulate people just as well, as Loki. He can  interrogate flawlessly (when jealousy is not involved) And when he woke up in the Void, he was able to escape certain death, choose a car and drive around looking for Loki - and eventualy save Sylvie. He is a very capable man. I dont think he shouldn´t have any power. Like - he has his inteligence, his knowledge of all  languages  (I want to see him chat with Groot please), his knowledge of psychology,  knowledge  of how TVA works... He can have his pruning stick, TemPad, bulletproof vest and a raincoat for what I care. but most importantly he has his kind heart, love of adrenaline, and he is a freaking Loki expert. And let´s not forget, every Loki loves him. Also, he has a damn luck as well :D It´s like - Loki always ends up loosing, so Mobius  is fine  - even when he should be dead about million times already. (one man´s void is another man´s piece of cake) So when they are togheter. There is no way for Loki to actually die. Not by his side xD So I don´t think he needs to become great fighter. I believe, that this is a hundred times better. Creators should explore this dynamic to it´s bottom before they make him fighter with super powers or something like that. ( I wouldn´t mind long hair though)  I´m sorry. But I just really love that. I love how small and fragile he is, but he wont be scared of anything. And now he´s Loki best friend (while having masive crush on him, let's be precise ) So just imagine all those amazing scenes that could come with that.  Imagine there is some very dangerous Loki variant that everyone has problem to deal with, and Mobius is gonna be like - you´re so cute guys, nice try. Now let me talk to him, will ya.  Imagine some big battle where our Loki and Mobius are fighting side by side with Avengers and Loki is using all his potential, and he is so stunning in his leather but he can´t focus very well, because few metters from him is a small, fragile man in a suit just using TemPad an afucking pruning stick. And Loki didn´t even want him there in the first place. So they are arguing like married couple right then and there and every avenger AND enemy in  close distance just can´t believe these two are real.  also Loki saves Mobius by taking him in his arms right on time and running to safety with him

Maybe this post is  completely useless and has  incredibly bad english like every text I write, but I don´t care. I just wanted to loudly  appreciate this mans non-fighting skills and his hilariously huge courage. End of the post.  have nice day! Bye!

[uwusenpaiuwu]

Sleepovers At The Baji Household feat. A Fed-Up Chifuyu

Summary: Chifuyu just wants to sleep, man, but Baji wants to be a jealous crackhead at 2 AM.

Pairing: Sano Manjiro | Mikey x Male Reader

Note(s): I had a little free time and wrote this. So, please enjoy! ALSO, to the anon that sent me a request a few days ago, I saw it and have it filed on my to-do list!!! I will definitely get to it as soon as I get a break in my schedule :)

"Chifuyu, ya wanna see some real discrimination?"

No. No, Chifuyu does not want to see what Baji means by 'real discrimination.'

Does he tell him that, though?

Yes, actually, because it's 2 in the fucking morning and, as much as he respects the other boy, he wouldn't put it past himself to smother him with a pillow after having his dream of cuddling with a sea of puppies suddenly destroyed.

Unfortunately for his sanity, Baji either doesn't hear him or, more likely than not, doesn't give a fuck, because he's already flopping onto his belly and whipping out his phone to do God knows what.

The dial tone that sounds from the speaker a few seconds later makes Chifuyu cringe, especially since it's only ever been a calm silence fit for a good night's sleep prior to Baji bulldozing through it with his absurd question. (At the very least, he's thankful that the latter has half a mind to keep the brightness on the lowest setting, otherwise, Chifuyu would have had to fight.)

On the far end of the row of carefully-laid futons, you shift in your sleep, eyebrows furrowing together at the noise. Rotating onto your side, you unconsciously reach for Baji, and just when he thinks you're being cute and trying to cuddle him, you smack him in the head.

Baji doesn't flinch, instead, takes his pillow and shoves it in your grasp to keep your unconscious self occupied, so that he can focus on getting through to the person who reuses to pick up (understandably so).

Releasing a frustrated groan after being redirected to voice mail for the fifth time, he dials the number again, muttering an impatient, "Pick up already."

Chifuyu feels sorry for the poor soul on the other end. He would've blocked someone following the first call, because again, it's-

The blond has to squint his eyes up at the digital clock on Baji's nightstand, which confirms that it's already 2:22 A.M, further solidifying the fact that he shouldn't be awake right now. And this also applies to the ever persistent first division captain, who insists on bothering who Chifuyu soon discovers is Mikey from the contact ID that flashes across the screen.

Why Baji is so keen on bothering him is a question he doesn't have the mental capacity to ponder over. The most energy he'll expend is to listen in when the call miraculously connects.

"What...?" comes a muffled voice from the receiver, tone laced in an irked grogginess birthed from a slumber rudely interrupted.

There's an absurdly loud, almost angry, roar of Mikey's name, one that has Chifuyu curling in on himself in a futile attempt to escape a sound that should be illegal at this hour.

But you know what else should be illegal?

The fucking whiplash Chifuyu gets when Baji's deep voice takes an abrupt 180°, switching from its normal gruffness to a squeaky, ear-piercing shrill as he screams, "I love you, love you, love you! Do you love me, too, Mikey-kyun~♡?!"

The room is dead silent.

Not a word. Not a murmur. Not a breath.

Just pure, unadulterated silence as both Chifuyu and Mikey process the words that hang in the air, permeating it with a goosebumps-inducing eeriness from having heard such a...a girly, overtly cutesy screech from Baji.

Then-

"What the fuck? He hung on me!"

Chifuyu opens his mouth, thinks better of reacting to the cursed scene he had the misfortune of bearing witness to, and promptly closes it.

Other people may have sleep paralysis demons.

But Chifuyu?

Chifuyu has Baji.

With both hands partially raised in prayer, he begs for the shenanigans to be over and done with.

They are not.

While his eyes remain closed in a last ditch effort to convince himself that it's all a bad dream, he hears a lot of grumbling happening on your side of the room, courtesy of Baji, who's scrambling around in search of...something. One quick peek reveals him fiddling with a phone - yours, to be exact, as evidenced by the distinctive phone charm of your favorite anime character hanging from it.

"(Y/n), wake up for a second," he hears him whisper. It takes a bit of prompting, until he's able to successfully rouse you enough from sleep to elicit any kind of response, which is, essentially, nothing short of an incoherent, slurred mess. Although, Chifuyu is pretty damn certain he heard you call Baji a 'dickhead' for the trouble.

Unperturbed, he continues shaking your limp form, coaxing you into wakefulness with, "Repeat what I tell you, and I'll let you go back to asleep. Deal?"

You squint your eyes at him, only able to make out a vague outline of his visage in the lightless room. "Promise?"

"Cross my heart, hope to die," he automatically responds with the same phrase he's become accustomed to saying whenever you two made a promise, something done purely out of habit, formed when the two of you were just kids and he wanted to get you to do something absolutely ridiculous either for him or with him. And just 'cause he knows you're more susceptible to complying if he does it, he also interlocks his pinky with yours.

"...Fine."

The approval is his cue to proceed, and it's as he's putting the phone on speaker that he turns back to a regretfully wide awake Chifuyu, mouthing a wordless, 'Watch.'

The phone rings, loud and clear, precisely once and only once.

"(Y/n), what's wrong?" It's important to note that even though Mikey still sounds tired as hell, his tone is much lighter, much happier really, than when it was Baji, which is an offense in itself to the said teen that's off to the side, attentively listening to the conversation unfold.

Then, it strikes Chifuyu, what Baji is trying to do, and fuck does it give him an instant headache.

Meanwhile, your mouth morphs into the dopiest of smiles with the pleasant surprise of hearing your boyfriend's voice, chest instantly overtaken by a warm fuzziness that never fails to make an appearance whenever he's involved. Sappy, you know, but it's true!

A light but firm nudge to your shoulder reminds you of your mission. It's too bad that, teetering along the edge of sleep as you are, the words Baji whispers are barely repeated correctly.

The initial phrase from before, the one Baji greeted Mikey with, is shortened to a simple, "You wuv I...?"

But, without missing a beat, you receive Mikey's confident reply of, "Mhm... I wuv you a lot."

There's a sleepy giggle then - a fucking giggle - before your voices drop to sweet whispers that the third and fourth wheels can't fully comprehend from where they are.

"Where the fuck was my 'I wuv you,' huh?!" Baji whisper-shouts, considerate of your conversation even when ranting and raving. "Shit, I would've taken a simple 'I love you,' too! I've known that bastard way longer than (Y/n), and this is what I get?!"

Okay. Toman's president answers his boyfriend's late night calls faster than he does anyone else's and openly expresses his love for him. So what? Chifuyu wouldn't exactly call it 'discrimination,' per se. 'Favoritism,' maybe if you wanna stretch it, but using as strong a word as discrimination, especially taking into account you two are dating; it's normal? Nah.

"You wanna say 'bye' to them? Mm. Baji and Chifuyu." A pause. "Fuyu, Mikey says 'bye.'"

"Bye, Mikey-kun."

The other person in the room waits, and waits, and waits, and when it's clear that there is no intention to address his presence whatsoever, Baji turns to Chifuyu with an almost scandalized expression, making wild gesticulations with his hands, clearly distressed. "See?!"

Blank blue eyes stare back at him, unblinking. Honestly, it's a common occurrence - Baji spiraling in a nonsensical rage - so it's easy for Chifuyu to block out the muted, jealousy-driven temper tantrum as he takes his pillow in both hands, raises it as high as he can, and-

Sigh.

-lets it flop right back onto his face.

He can't suffocate Baji. Shouldn't. Wouldn't. Couldn't. After all, they're best buds, meaning he has an obligation to put up with shit like this once in a while. (Plus, he'd probably get his ass kicked before he succeeds anyway. Totally not worth the beating.)

"Did you hear? Mikey said he wuvs me," he hears you drawl dreamily as soon as you hang up, sounding very close to clocking back out for the night.

"Yeah, yeah. Cute shit. Happy for ya, dude," Baji huffs. Thankfully, he sounds like he's in a similar state to yours, if the yawn that follows his sarcastic comment is anything to go by.

"...He soooo ignored you."

That warrants a punishing punch to the arm, dulled only slightly by the combination of the thick quilt you're swaddled in and the raven-haired boy's fatigue.

"I'll fucking throw you out right now, (Y/n). Don't test me."

"You won't."

"I will."

"Won't."

"Will."

The conversation gradually dies down shortly after, the exhaustion that took its sweet time getting to both of you having reached its peak with the help of the childish bickering. It takes 10 minutes, maybe 15, before two sets of light snores fill the room.

Finally.

Let it be known that there is a lesson to be learned from tonight's events. Really, there is. Y'know, something along the lines of 'Don't agree to a sleepover with Baji, if you plan on actually sleeping,' or whatever.

Alas, Chifuyu's consciousness fades before he realizes what it is.

~~~

"Mikey, be honest. Who do you love more? Me or-?"

"(Y/n)."

"But-"

(Y/n)."

"I-"

"(Y/n)."

Baji is only momentarily discouraged, sharp eyes glaring at the blond that lays his head on your lap after hi-fiving you. He didn't want to do this, but he's left with no choice.

"(Y/n) or Babu?"

From the way Mikey stiffens up, refusing to look at either him or you in the eyes, Baji knows he has him right where he wants him, has him torn between a cute face or a sweet ride.

"Oi! Don't pretend to be asleep! Answer the damn question! OI!"

(After hours of serious contemplation - even though you told him it doesn't particularly matter - it's revealed that, of course, Mikey loves you more. Babu just happens to trail behind as a very close second.)

[jeongvision]

nct’s jaehyun’s perfume collection review!!

for part two, please refer to here!

hello, all! so some of you may have already known that in the past month, i have impulsively purchased various of perfumes, some of which are based on jaehyun’s personal perfume collection that he uses as mentioned on various platforms. some of the scents he uses are:

tom ford white suede

tom ford fucking fabulous

le labo neroli 36

jo malone myrrh & tonka

jo malone wood sage & sea salt

byredo bal d’afrique

as someone who loves collecting perfumes myself, this was a perfect excuse for me to buy some to get an idea on how he would ‘smell’ like!

some of you have asked for me to post a review of his perfumes! i will be primarily listing my reactions, experiences, and ratings for each scent, along with pictures of jaehyun associated with each scent and if the scent is masculine, feminine, or neutral. i have purchased all of them except for tom ford fucking fabulous. the byredo bal d’afrique will be reviewed at a later date after it arrives in the mail, so for now only 4/6 scents will be discussed.

disclaimer: this is NOT an advertisement but simply a fun and personal review of his perfume collection! but i wouldn’t be opposed with possible brand deals with any of them

before you buy!! some of the fragrances will react differently on your skin as the scents are based on your body chemistry with certain chemicals listed on their ingredients. thus, you may smell a different scent when sprayed on your body than on mine. not only that, some of the perfumes utilizes synthetic ingredients, which can be a deterrent for those with a sensitive nose. i strongly recommend sampling them out at local stores before purchasing as these brands are expensive.

without further ado, happy reading! please do tell me your personal experiences if you have also tried some of them (or perfumes from other members!) <3

warnings: heavy cursing, some vulgar language lmao (they will be listed as [**] if you would like to skip those parts, especially for minors)

TOM FORD WHITE SUEDE

“The addictive pull of leather and suede is channeled through an elegant musk-derived composition. Musk’s primal intensity is harmonized with saffron and thyme, heightened with velvety rose and warm amber. Warm, supple and sensual, a perfume with an irresistible expression of raw desire.” —Tom Ford

first and foremost, i just want to say holy fucking SHIT HE SMELLS SO FUCKING GOOD WTF ASKJFKLSJ

[**] HE SMELLS SO FUCKING SEXYAJJF IT’S HARD HOURS FOR HIM EVERY TIME I SMELL IT

like?? oh my god?????

i literally CRIED in my car after smelling it bc oh my gOD HE SMELLS LIKE THAT??!?!??

HE SMELLS LIKE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND OH MY GODJSJFJKS

i can never look at him the same way ever again holy crap

“raw desire” sOMEBODY PLEASE SAVE ME I CAN’T—

[**] like honestly it makes me want to eat his neck and choke on his dick whAt

anyways

it has a leathery and musky scent to it with a mix of powdery!!

slightly sharp when you first spray it but once it settles and marinates on your skin and clothing, it’s PERFECT

listen i’m still shooked that he smells like THAT

my friend told me one day to spray it on a big sweater and wear it to mimic wearing one of ‘his’ sweaters and—

:(

i wanted to kith him

and hug him

and cuddle with him

and never let him go aaAAAHHH

[**] oh daddy

masculine or feminine? androgynous

recommend? YES ARE YOU KIDDING ME

rating? “i’m going to name my future kid eleven because he is going to be better than you.” —liu yangyang to ten

LE LABO NEROLI 36

“Neroli is another name for the essence of Orange Blossom. The unique quality of our Neroli is its sunny floral character with an extraordinarily warm, sensual base. Rose, musk, mandarin orange (slightly aldehydic), jasmine and vanilla, among other essences, complete the portrait, bringing Neroli 36 spikiness, ease, zest and heat... Well-being, elegance and charm all in a bottle!” —Le Labo

okay so i purchased this (and many other scents) as a sample (1.5 ml) bc this shit is hella expensive

like bro the price of it as 15 ml costs more than jo malone’s 30 ml

maybe it’s bc they said lab techs compound it on-demand??

not sure

but anyways

this gives me straight flower boy vibes

like i’m in a flower shop and there’s a cute florist behind the counter trimming and tending plants with such careful hands

but the white floral kinds

OHOHOHOHO

WE LOVE IT

if you like those kinds of scents, then this is definitely the scent for you!

seriously it smells like lilies and all the white florals alike

personally i like the sweet floral scents so this one is okay to me

still smells really good!

reminds me of glade’s fresh linen carpet powder so it unlocked a repressed memory of my childhood LMFOAODA

what a gentleman he smells like uwuuu

honestly if i was getting married to someone and he showed up to my wedding as a guest wearing this perfume i’d leave my fiancé on the spot

this man has quality tastes wtf

masculine or feminine? gender neutral (ish)? more feminine if i have to say

recommend? if you like white floral scents then you would go BONKERS over this!

rating? 7/10 only bc i prefer sweet floral over white floral scents but if i didn’t then i’d rate it 10/10

JO MALONE MYRRH & TONKA

“Rich, hand-harvested sap of the Namibian myrrh tree, mingling with the warm almond and lush vanilla notes of the tonka bean. Noble and intoxicating.” —Jo Malone

oh bitch

BITCH

THIS MOTHERFUCKER SMELLS SO FUCKING GOOD OH MY FUCKING GODDDDDDD

“noble and intoxicating” DAMN FUCKING RIGHT IT IS

[**] I WILL GET ON MY KNEES FOR THIS MAN IF I EVER SMELL THIS ON HIM

my royal liege, jung jaehyun, i am at your SERVICE HELLO SIR WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU TODAY

he could step on my face and i’d thank him for allowing me to breathe the same air as him oh my god—

ahem

moving along now

it has a vanilla and amber scent to it! a very nice and sweet scent to it that’s not too overbearing

usually i’m not a big fan of vanilla or cake fragrances bc they tend to nauseate me

but this one?

ohohoho

this is the good stuff

i didn’t exactly purchase this one; i bought other fragrances from jo malone and they gave me free samples to choose from, and myrrh & tonka was one of them sO MIGHT AS WELL TRY IT OUT

so glad i did omg i don’t regret it

i might just buy a bottle of it

[**] another one bites the dust just RAIL ME ALREADY JUNG JAEHYUN I’M BEGGING YOU—

[**] daddy pls

masculine or feminine? androgynous, but leaning slightly towards feminine

recommend? YES OH MY GOD

rating? CHITTAPHON OUT OF TEN

JO MALONE WOOD SAGE & SEA SALT

“Escape the everyday along the windswept shore. Waves breaking white, the air fresh with sea salt and spray. The mineral scent of rugged cliffs, mingling with earthy sage.” —Jo Malone

yo this shit smells good

like REALLY good

he smells like beaches and lemons hELLO THERE

no wonder this is one of their best sellers wtf this man has IMMACULATE TASTE EYE—

AND THERE’S ONLY ONE (1) OF HIM IN THIS ENTIRE WORLD???!?

HUH!?!!?

life truly isn’t fair, huh

okay god i see you with favorites

now

let’s see here

very citrusy!!

also has that marine type of scent to it making it exceptionally aromatic!

not too much of a boujee scent like m&t where you would use on special events

this is more like a scent you would use on a daily basis going out

but upgraded

like you would smell fresh and expensive

kind of like a lowkey rich kid type of scent but you’re humble about it but lowkey kinda flexing yk?

this smell is BEAUT i love it omg i cant stop sniffing it

i’m a sucker for citrus scents :(

i’d wear this shit to school everyday if i could and have all my friends smell me

damn i bet his sweaters smell hella nice with this perfume :(

masculine or feminine? gender neutral

recommend? yes, yes, and yes.

rating? 10/10

tl;dr— jaehyun has expensive tastes and smells so fucking sexy how is he even real what the fUCk

[sunderingstars]

yes oh my god i am obsessed with sampo’s name references !! i have a separate analysis for his name + etymology that i’m planning to post at a later date, but i feel like his first name puts his character into a whole new light! i actually think the finnish mythological sampo works pretty well with one of my theories, doll!sampo (where sampo is a creation of aha directly referenced by the “aha stuffed toy” occurrence in the simulated universe), which makes the fact that the sampo “breaks” in mythology really worrying to me (as the stuffed toy also “breaks” in the elation path of swarm disaster) ૮꒰っ˕‹̥̥̥ ��ა

but you brought up a good point that it could’ve already happened because of the “broken” heart motifs, so i really hope that’s the case! otherwise, i worry that we might be heading towards a story arc where he breaks or otherwise “dies” due to mishandling by the aeons (especially aha). my hope is that if he breaks in the future, it’s just regarding the mortal shell of “sampo” rather than his life itself (like his body or mask “breaking” to reveal his true identity underneath).

and aughh the fact that he might be advertising himself as a product ?? WHAT IF I CRIED — going back to “aha stuffed toy” again, if sampo was only created to give wealth (cosmic fragments) to others & be a glorified stress ball for people to vent emotion on, it makes sense he would see himself as the object he was always treated as. if he’s aware of his existence as “aha but not quite,” then that would only add to the idea that he’s supposed to “advertise” himself to others in order to feel like he has value. additionally, if his metric for value has always laid in wealth, then any attempts for him to find his own identity would likely center around reclaiming that wealth as his own. (i genuinely need to stop talking otherwise i will yap about this for days lol!)

i also agree that sampo (at least mythologically-speaking) would fall closer to an emanator than aha themself. however i do think there could be overlap within certain theories like doll!sampo, where it’s possible both of them share a (mortal) appearance or other ingrained traits that sampo as a “creation” is trying to break free of (thus causing others to perceive them as one and the same, when in fact they are different beings! i headcanon that this might be the reason sampo is so hesitant to board the express) !! basically i just think it’d be cool if we run across aha one day in avatar form and them & sampo just point at each other like the spiderman meme LOL

and ooooh i hadn’t heard of the zmei/zmej/zmaj/żmij before !! it seems to encapsulate the dual-sided nature of sampo’s role, so i wouldn’t be surprised if it was an inspiration as well!

i also find the idea of aha & qlipoth collabing on an anti-stellaron HILARIOUS (and i bet aha knew that too >:3). although in terms of mythology, i am more inclined to believe aha stealing him from qlipoth is more viable canonically since qlipoth could be seen as ilmarinen & aha could be the person stealing the sampo away & creating conflict like in the finnish story. (i feel like this could potentially make qlipoth angry with aha as well, which would be interesting to see especially if sampo was already an emanator of preservation beforehand. damn this guy really can’t catch a break LMAOO). or maybe aha was genuinely trying to be nice and “helping” sampo recover or come back to life, just in the weird fucked up roundabout way they tend to do

now i just see qlipoth & aha’s relationship as being that scene from castlevania where sypha is like “don’t kill each other while i’m gone” & they’re like “please we’re not children” but then immediately go “eat shit and die” “yes fuck you” as soon as she leaves SNDNSNSS. the other aeons are just watching them fight over sampo like a ragdoll like “should we intervene? i mean it kinda seems like a them problem :/” LOL

and since my main theory right now is doll!sampo (trust i am working on a breakdown of it but its going to be Long, why do i do this to myself ;-;), i think we have a pretty similar conception of sampo as he relates to finnish mythology! imo, i feel there’s a good chance he’s a breakable creation of aha (or potentially qlipoth) who was made an emanator of elation for pure ironic funsies. i definitely think he blurs the line between “being aha” and “being someone else,” which could easily come from the sheer confusion of his creation and the higher consciousness of elation itself!

but yes !! thank you for your thoughts, i love his etymology so much and i love hearing what other people think !!! i’m glad i’m not the only one who’s spent way too much time thinking about finnish mythology parallels (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝) — a reforged sampo would be cool to see in canon too, i am rooting for him always ( • ̀ω•́ ) ᕗ

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✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ OUTFIT & DESIGN MOTIFS ⌝

sampo analysis m.list

— what the stars reveal: half-character-study, half-analysis, waxing poetic, elation!sampo

— word count: 3.1k

— overview: a look at sampo’s outfit and design, as well as how it may link to an identity closely connected with the elation.

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For the sake of my own sanity, I’ll be splitting this analysis into clear-cut sections:

Snake Motifs

Binding Chains

Weapon

Hair

Color Palette

Shoes & Walking

Layers

Exposed Skin

Here’s his splash art for reference, although I’ll also be including other photos of his outfit:

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ SNAKE MOTIFS ⌝

One of the biggest aspects of Sampo’s outfit design are the snake bones littered across his clothing. From the scaled chain behind him to the shoulder guard that has a protrusion reminiscent of venom-dipped fangs, there is a lot of snake imagery present. Not just snake, however, but dead snake. It’s important to note that none of these pieces have skin or lively color — they’re all bones, bleached and picked clean. For me, this implies Sampo to be a skeleton character, a whisper of a dead or dying thing that still carries a last bit of venom in its fangs. Whether that “thing” is a metaphorical emotional state (centering themes of disillusionment and fatigue), a literal identity (centering themes of lessening power and lowering status), or a combination of both is up for interpretation. Either way, something inside him is decaying.

The snake — the living, hunting predator — is past its prime, stripping away over the years into something that barely resembles itself, the bones of an ancient and powerful thing. Emanator!Sampo may find himself slowly drawing away from the compulsive Elation first bestowed upon him, while Aha!Sampo may find Themself rotting into Their own mortal shell, the remains of what used to be a superficial avatar sticking to Their bones and sucking them clean; alternatively, the restrictions placed upon this mortal form of Sampo may cause Aha to be whittled down, only an echo of Their full strength. In another case, the silhouette behind the masks, the bones behind the meat, may have found himself steadily falling out of orbit with his larger mind, eventually ending up as nothing but a shadow of his former power as an Aeon — a skeleton, removed from the body when it was no longer needed. Or, perhaps, he is trying to keep the venom in.

(Note: His eyes are also snake-shaped like Baizhu’s from Genshin Impact!)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ BINDING CHAINS ⌝

When looking at Sampo in a 360-degree view through the camera, something became apparent to me — the snake motifs (the spine and scales especially) seem to wrap around him tightly. In the splash art, this is a little difficult to tell (as the spine is flared out behind him), but here, they are tightly wrapped around multiple parts of his body:

Here, we see a fairly small part — a cuff wrapped around his upper forearm. This sticks out to me because it seems similar to a handcuff, or some kind of article of containment. It fits snugly, pressing in on his skin. There is also a similar wrapping around his thigh, showing that this is not a one-off design decision. There are multiple tight wrappings of containment around his body, which then implies a something in containment. Additionally, there’s the bone chains on his back:

They wrap around to the front, resting in the hollow of his neck. There are also two latches fastened to his back, giving the idea of the bones almost “hugging” him. Now, we are beginning to get a dual picture: a snake, slowly choking and constricting its prey, and a binding chain of bones, something meant to keep danger contained. We can see this even more clearly once the full picture comes together from different angles:

(These wrappings are even reminiscent of the symbol for Ouroboros, an ancient Gnostic and Alchemical symbol that represents the constant cycle of life, death, and rebirth, as well as the unity of all things material and spiritual. As I’ll discuss in its own dedicated analysis, this presence of the snake as a symbol of rebirth and unity may speak to a constant cycle of different emotions or consciousnesses within him — a loop he seemingly can’t escape. He is trying to live, but death ever looms in the background. Additionally, this points towards him trying to reconcile multiple facets of his being.)

The snake does not want to leave. It is cloying, constricting, containing at every waking moment, unwilling to relinquish the meat inside it. I believe the snake and the chains are one and the same: at the same time Sampo is being hurt and constricted, he is also being contained. The snake bones may represent Aha as a separate entity, the Elation as a addiction-filled Path, self-imposed rules from a more powerful past self, or even the “restrictions” placed on higher beings by virtue of existence.

An Emanator!Sampo may be constantly choked by the chains of his status, the realization that this Path isn’t the one he wants — disillusionment is hard to hold on to when surrounded by those who move from sorrow to joy at the drop of a hat. The gaze of an Aeon may constantly weigh on his shoulders like venom-tipped fangs waiting to strike, waiting to strip everything away from him once he becomes no longer “interesting.” Or perhaps that interest is the binding itself, the consuming, compulsive need to laugh, to operate on impulse, to push all feelings of doubt out before they can even be felt; the want to so desperately escape from Elation despite it clinging to him like a specter, regardless of his wants or needs. Emanator!Sampo may also be contained in his power, the same disillusionment that drives him to stray forcing him to hold back his true power, the truth that he could ruin everything he cares for with a single mistake. He doesn’t know what to do when the Elation grows ever tighter, ever higher, the bones of a rotting thing turning him rotten as well. He wants to escape but doesn’t know how.

(Perhaps, this desperation has rotted into hate which has rotted into vengeance, a dedication to using his life to push out the last of his venom, if only to stain an Aeon with Their own blood before falling away.)

Alternatively, an Aha!Sampo may find Themself now restricted by flesh and blood, feeling Themself to be a shadow, a dead skeleton of what They once were. For whatever reason, Their mortal form is forced to have restrictions, perhaps the same ones They face in Aeonic form. But it’s small. Too small. Ten thousand sizes too small, as it always is, and now They’re trapped for a longer time, forced by a looming threat to operate in the shadows, slowly hollowing out with the distance of consciousness and time. 

Who are They, if not the masks? Who are They, if not an Aeon? Perhaps this is not even mask-related at all, but rather a silhouette who grew tired, determined to carve his own path when the stench of decay became too much. The Original, The Progenitor, far outlasted by feelings that grew too strong for his body to handle. He is not an Aeon, not a mortal, but somewhere between a bleached skull and a mouth full of venom. How can he spit out what is rightfully inside him? How can he cut the binds that tie him to an eldritch being he was never meant to be? 

He does not want Elation, but Elation has always wanted him. How can he escape something so dedicated to swallowing him whole? How can he escape something so natural to his being? There is no clear answer besides one: if he does not find a way to escape, the only thing left of him will be bone.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ WEAPON ⌝

Anyway! Haha! Isn’t he so silly? Let’s look at his weapon next:

It seems to continue the snake theme, with both sides of the blades marked with the same bright purple of the “fangs” on his shoulder guard. I don’t think it’s a mistake that these are the brightest colors of the outfit, but I’ll save that for later. For now, let’s focus on the dual nature of his weapon. Besides carrying on the snake theme, these are dual blades, able to be split apart and combined at a moment’s notice. To me, this seems like an indication of two “sides” to Sampo, two different personas that can be separated, combined, or interchanged at will. This could be an Emanator form, an Aeonic form, or simply another personality or “deeper” emotion behind the con-man persona. 

I find this choice of weapon very fitting for him, as it capitalizes on the dexterity of both his personality and fighting style. It’s something that is easily able to be tossed from a distance, allowing him to damage enemies over time without getting too close to danger. There is also an inversion to its form, and while that could just be so he doesn’t scratch himself when throwing it, I also see its connection to the “inversion” of Sampo’s E6 and Aha’s splash art silhouette. There is an implication of inversion, mirroring, and duality with this weapon. Whatever power or consciousness he may be holding, there’s a good chance there are multiple dimensions to it, the kind of dimensions that exceed mortal standards.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ HAIR ⌝

Something of note is the grey in his hair, a color often attributed to older and more powerful characters (Welt has a (albeit dyed) strand of grey hair and Acheron has grey strands as well). They are, however, at the bottom of his hair, like the (perhaps also dyed?) blue is trying to override it. This could speak to an attempt to find his own identity, to cast aside the bleached white of decaying bones and find some vibrance to live for. There’s also a lot of it compared to other characters. It’s not just one or two strands, it’s entire parts of his hairtips, with the implication even more may be white behind the blue. This would line up with what he says about being an “old timer,” most likely downplaying his own status to “just an old guy” when he is vastly more powerful than others realize.

Additionally, his hair obscures one of his eyes, always casting half of his face behind blue. 

I feel this speaks to the idea of “multiple” sides, since one part of him is literally hidden from view. There’s the laughing, joking con-man we see, sure, but we don’t see the “hate” festering beneath, the potential despising of one’s own power and being. We don’t see the silhouette behind the masks. It wants to be free, most likely, of the chains that bind it, wants to step into the open with the clarity of rage, but it is not allowed. And so it stays, hidden behind blue. It stays, allowing the turquoise eye of a red-tinted mask to operate beyond, leaving itself to fester and rot into itself. Would we see an eye, if we pulled back that hair? Would we see something besides a wink here, a crease there? Would we find a matching color, or would we find blood red, a space infested with angry maggots? Would we perhaps find a hole? The blank, staring Nothing of Nihility? Only time will tell.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ COLOR PALETTE ⌝

An interesting thing I noted while staring at pictures of this man’s splash art for way too long is the clash between colors. When dealing with the visible light spectrum, red and blue are on opposite ends. Red and blue are also popularized opponents, despite them not being true opposites on the color wheel. They can clash very jarringly, although the muted reds and blues (bordering on purples) used in Sampo’s outfit compliment each other better than in other combinations. Still, they stick out against each other, chafe against the backdrop of muted grays and blacks of dying bone. The red, often associated with blood, is also associated with Aha’s masks in this case, since most masks have a combination of white and red or red and orange to them (especially in Aha’s splash art). Additionally, blue is often associated with water and calm, which ties back to Sampo’s name “Koski” which means water rapids in Finnish. There is a clear conflict between these colors in Sampo’s outfit, the starkness of drying blood mingling with the attempted free-flowing blue of a new identity. The blue that is so strong in his hair, his mind, is slowly beginning to peek from beyond the red of the rest of his body —  a solitary flower, perhaps, watered by the rain and allowed to cautiously, timidly, lean into the doorway of his being. Still, it is a battle. The red will not give up. The pain, the addictive nature of being consumed by the snake, has been there for so long it naturally attempts to obscure whatever new healing the blue brings. But the blue is persistent. And so, it stays.

All the while, the grey hangs in the background, shadow-like. The monochrome, the static, has been there longer than both the red and the blue, so ingrained into him that it’s easily overlooked for the war between blood and water. But it’s there. The bones of that ancient beast will never fade, stagnant as they are. That’s the thing about bones — they last. Even when the blood runs out and the water stops flowing, bones take the longest to decay. They symbolize longevity, perhaps too much of it. An immortality, perhaps, granted by Emanator or Aeon status, that refuses to disperse even as the mind begins to wither. Thus, the red and the blue arrive. They attempt to revitalize the dying bones, the winding snake, putting just enough contrast between them to create a spark, a single flicker of life — a turquoise of bright running water in the eyes, enough to see the world in better clarity.

(And then there is the glowing purple of the fangs, the looming threat, the contained power. Beyond everything else, the venom is still there. It has always been there, waiting to strike.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ SHOES & WALKING ⌝

The only thing I want to talk about here is the lack of footprints Sampo leaves behind (I just wanted a dedicated section for it). We can see clearly in the splash art that Sampo has regular soles that should make indents in the snow, yet his character never leaves footprints when walking through Belobog. To me, this indicates an otherworldly nature of being, or a lack of being there in the first place. This can fracture into several different theories, some of which being that it’s intentional on his part and he can manipulate his body and surroundings in a structural way; that it’s simply a byproduct of a higher being taking mortal form (and thus not fully “conforming” to all minutae of human bodies); and that it’s because he is a projection or puppet of some sort that was never really there to begin with. Whatever the case, this seems to be a strong indicator of higher status, whether that be Emanator, Aeonic, or something different. After all, no regular, unassuming guy would be able to so casually and effortlessly defy gravity to not leave footprints.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ LAYERS ⌝

Man, this guy’s outfit is confusing. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. I’m just still not entirely sure what’s going on in his chest region, there seems to be a lot of straps and buckles and zigzags and windows. I’d like to say this still speaks to the idea of “containment,” as many layers like that would certainly feel constricting, but I also feel like it’s meant to be a “look” as a whole. The bottom layers being black and gray, then blossoming out into blue and red almost makes me think of a decaying animal, with the blood being exposed as well as some of the bone beneath. I also feel like it ties back into his “layered” personality, in which he has different feelings and personas he chooses to either show or hide at any given moment. His neck and hands are also covered (with the red gloves dipping below the black), perhaps further speaking to concealment. The snake motifs are also present on multiple layers, giving the feeling that this is a constriction that runs deep.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ EXPOSED SKIN ⌝

I will say it: this man’s outfit is sluttyyy (affectionate). Despite the heavy themes of constriction and concealment, the encroachment of the colors and layers do not affect his forearms and hips. He very much has his “V” out to show the world, and I for one am not complaining. To me, this exposed skin feels like a breath of fresh air, something beyond the rotting, constricted animal for once. This seems to really be Sampo — the flesh and blood Sampo, the mortal, the guy who likes striking poses and probably gives great hugs. Yes, it is still strategic (probably trying to ramp up flirt appeal for when he tries to scam people) but it also seems genuine. Sincere. If the rest of his outfit is a constraining, dying bloodbath, then these pockets of skin are the eye of the storm, the places that seem to be untouched by the onslaught. Here, we see a human being. Not an Emanator or an Aeon or a byproduct of compulsive Elation, but a man. Just a man. Breathing, like everyone else. It’s nice.

My main takeaways from this outfit are:

The bones of an Aeon, with mortal and “Primum Mobile” restrictions combining to constrain.

The bones of an Emanator, slowly whittled away with time and the weathering of longevity bestowed by Elation.

The general themes of rot, decay, snakes, venom, constraint, and being suffocated.

Ouroboros, constant cycles, prey caught in a trap of potentially its own making.

Any combination of these!

(I also wrote this piece before really getting into the Doll!Sampo theory, but there is definitely an interpretation to be had regarding Sampo as a creation of Aha! The decaying animal and contradictory colors could represent the fight between Sampo’s “purpose” and who he really wants to be, as well as the chains of Elation choking his freedom of self-expression and want to be his own person. The consistency of constricting and containing bones could also speak to him being a “shadow” of Aha, the echo of a greater being while still powerful himself. If he was created in Aha’s own likeness, he would probably feel the pressure of always being in the shadow of his creator.

Additionally, many other parts of this analysis can still apply to Doll!Sampo, as I see him as at least Emanator status. Longevity would take even more of a toll on him here, since he would have lived so long being disregarded by others as a “toy.” I’ll probably elaborate more on this when I do a dedicated breakdown of my Doll!Sampo theory!)

A note I couldn’t find a good place for earlier: snake bones also imply shed skin, some siphoning off of a greater part of oneself to be reborn anew. Perhaps he is the dead and dying snake, preparing to molt into something even greater. That’s all!

The End! Overall, I feel like I realized a lot of potential things about Sampo going through the parts of his outfit one-by-one. I’m definitely more on board with the idea of being simultaneously constricted and constrained now! Ties that bind, and all that. I also didn’t realize just how much of a battle his outfit feels like until I really looked at it, and now I feel bad for the poor guy. Whatever his endgame identity is, he is not having a good time. I want to give him a hug :((

Also, I want to include this bonus concept art since it shows the snake motifs were a big aspect from the beginning:

Anyways, that’s all!

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ જ⁀➴ thanks for reading to the end!

(volume warning)

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© analysis by sunderingstars. do not copy, repost, translate, modify, or claim my work as your own.

[silkgonerough]

Astro Observation/Rants #3 (includes moral support for ppl with harsh aspects between their big 3)

🍰UNDERRATED ASPECT COMBO: Mercury sextile venus + mars when I tell you the amount of crazy situations I’ve talked my way out of and the amount of free things I’ve talked my way into is simply ridiculous.. The mixture of both I think gives someone a rlly nice and sweet way of talking but with a certain tact and persuasion with how their saying it if that makes sense? Which equals a real charmer in words but also someone very skilled in how to get what they want through what their saying. If you have this as well start using it to your advantage trust me it works!!!

☹️Does anyone else who has Pluto or Saturn on or aspecting the ascendant in a harsh aspect have an intense self awareness that kind of keeps them from doing certain things bc it gets to much be too much or you get too paranoid over what others will think of you?

😪Being a Sagittarius but with Saturn as my dominant/elevated planet is really not what I signed up for... I thought I was getting my fun carefree casual storyline but Saturn said it’s the struggle for me. RIP to young me who only looked at cookbook astrology and rlly thought I was doing something...

🙃Ppl who have their sun or ascendant squaring your own ascendant usually have habits or just certain things they do that tend to annoy you or make you judgemental in how they present themselves to the world and others around them. My virgo rising squares my moms sagittarius sun and I can’t take her anywhere 😕

🥵Venus square mars is so hot yet such a disaster in synastry😭 like maybe it’s because I attract relationships that tend to be as messy as something out of a Netflix original but I’m always so attracted to guys who’s venus’ square my mars... and then they open their mouths😪

📚If you know someone with mercury in an aspect to saturn compliment their intellect, writting skills or just knowledge in general!! Ppl with this aspect tend to feel insecure with being considered “smart” even if they really are! Most ppl I’ve met are able to articulate their thoughts rlly well and are like walking dictionaries almost? They way they talk when explaining definitions or concepts is also lowkey hot🥵maybe that’s just my Virgo rising talking tho...

💖Sun in any aspect to venus but especially the conjunct/trine as an aspect between two people is the official hype man aspect!! The venus person hypes the hell out of the sun person and vice versa!! Probs the loyal fan who’s always in your comment section😘I love this aspect sm tho you just love the entire being of the other person! one of my fave celebrities has her venus conjunct my sun and I am deeply in love with her🤪

😩WHEN WILL THE UNIVERSE GIVE ME ANYTHING OTHER THEN A DAMN PISCES ARIES OR LIBRA MAN ITS GETTING OLD give me my Scorpio or Capricorn man😭🙏 (except dont bc all of hell will break loose and it’ll be me invigoratingly opening the gates)

🌗If you have your sun in a harsh aspect to your moon (square or opposite) your childhood was probably not the most fun in the home life and you probably understood the harsh reality of marriage or just unhealthy relationships in general from the parents :/ the whole sun/moon inner conflict was also probs pretty prevalent and caused social issues with peers at school.. honestly such a sad aspect to have as a child bc everything’s so hard and you don’t understand why bc you don’t rlly understand yourself yet :( but once you grow into it and figure out how to balance your emotions/moon to your overall personality/sun one can become the strength where the other is weak and it creates a sort of wondrous enigma of a person and ppl can become rlly entranced in your personality! It’s called layers bitch😜

🤫Scorpio/Pluto in the 3rd house (I have both🤗) could be someone who has a lot of secretive hobbies or interests that they don’t share with a lot of ppl but may have a secret social media accounts for them👀 not the type to tell ppl if they like someone but the ppl who are close to them will catch on or honestly figure out just by asking them straight up bc once confronted we get all embarrassed and you can see it on our faces super easily! We love our mysteries, plot twist or literally anything that requires digging deeper or making theories when reading or watching something. No surface level shit here🙅‍♀️

💸Mars in 2nd house may have a shopping addiction or may be bad at saving money. They usually binge shop and are the types that went to a grocery store for more untensils and came back with a waffle maker and a bunch of baking supplies😅 stingy if you eat their food without permission... the type to freak out if they left their fave shirt at their friends house after a sleepover lol, probs has a thing for food and sex together or sex in a really luxurious place with candles and rose petals.. it’s go big or I’m going tf home with them. Have furniture in ur home their not fucking in a god damn roller rink🤣

🌟People with Mercury in Aquarius/aspecting Uranus seem to really like talking about scientific theories or futuristic concepts!! All the ones I’ve known have had really grand ideas and seem to like anything related to the mystical but also seemingly holds a lot of innovative undertones! One of my friends who has Mercury in Aquarius aspecting Neptune/Uranus has a thing for the Disney short films which honestly is like a mix of neptune and uranus in its art forms! I’ve always thought it was cute how eager she is to show me them☺️

🌊From what I’ve observed an aspect that can make someone kind of bad at confrontation or like vocalizing their feelings until it’s too late and their bursting like a freaking geyser is Pisces mars. It doesn’t rlly take a lot to have them feeling some sort of way either with or without a valid reason (this is just an observation from the ones I’ve seen I don’t want to generalize!!) but the way they get angry is like a baby’s tempter tantrum and because I’m a Sagittarius I can always see thru the bullshit and I’m like is anyone else seeing this? I think overall besides Scorpio having a water mars signs is exceptionally hard so I cut them some slack but at what cost😫

🤤Mars conjunct Jupiter people are yummy. The men and women both are so hot and the men are always exuding big dick energy and usually thats what their giving👀

🌎All my big 3 create harsh aspects to one another (sun square moon, moon opposite ascendant, ascendant square sun) I honestly don’t know how I made it this far without literally exploding from tension but to anyone with these I guess my advice would be to refrain from taking things too personally bc it’s usually never that serious we’re just already a bit insecure in ourselves and how we present ourselves to the world! Your perception of how others view you vs how they actually do are usually very different in a good way but we tend to self sabotage ourselves into acting the way we think others want us to! I think having so many conflictive yet different sides of yourself creates a very influential character. It’s kind of like living in many completely different places throughout your life. The change is always hard and you don’t always feel secure but your experience and perception on things are really unique and you can offer other ppl a whole new perspective on who they are bc you yourself are always looking through the world through conflicting yet contrasting lenses.

[vyeoh]

this is your chance: wax poetic about an Empires or DSMP character of your choice to a fan who is new to both. Explain why I should love them. I need guidance in this new and meme-populated land.

okok this is a lot of pressure haha. Spoilers for EmpiresSMP and DreamSMP below, obviously. I wrote a lot so prepare yourself, anon

I watch a lot of empires POVs but the ones I most anticipate every week are Scott and Sausage.

c!Scott (I'll call him Smajor for the sake of simplicity) starts off the series chilling, not really getting involved with the rest of the server, and staying aggressively neutral. After all, he's an elf. He has lived far longer than most of the other rulers already, and will most likely outlive them for many years. So, the best thing is to stick to his mountains and not get invested in the dealings of mortal affairs, maybe sometimes causing problems on purpose and dipping because what's life without a little spice right.

But then, this demon comes to the server, Xornoth. He's going around causing havoc and wants to send the world into an eternal winter, but he doesn't bother the kingdom of Rivendell much so Smajor stays tentatively cautious but ultimately unbothered. But then, the puzzle pieces start falling together. The first thing that the audience noticed was was Xornoth sounded like Smajor, but we mostly thought that this was just due to cc!Scott voicing both of them and there was nothing more to it. However, then, the people the demon starts possessing start chanting in elvish. The demon hates mortals, and the elves are conveniently one of the two confirmed not fully mortal races in Empires.

This culminates when Smajor stumbles across a cave that contains the backstory of the patron god of Rivendell, Aeor. Basically, there's two opposing forces, Aeor and Exor, and both have a champion. In a previous life, those champions were two brothers, where Aeor eventually prevailed and banished Exor. In this life though, the champions are - you guessed it - Smajor, and the demon Xornoth.

So now Smajor is like. Well fuck. It's my literal god-given destiny to be responsible for defeating this demon who is technically my brother, and if I fail the server gets plunged into an eternal winter. And I have no fucking clue what is happening because I've just been here on this mountain actively trying to stay out of the issues outside my kingdom. We watch him panic and teeter on the verge of spiraling for an entire episode, and when the followers of Xornoth go to the End to kill the dragon, releasing Xornoth's full powers, he fails to stop him. Smajor is a character who was used to being the smart one, the prepared one, the one who has the least deaths on the server. But he's also a character who runs away from his problems and ignores them. Before and during the dragon fight, we hear the desperation in his voice, as he's thrown into a situation he is wholly unprepared for, and it's bigger than him going to the Cod Empire to kill their king, or assisting in other people's plans to kill the codfather. He can't run from this. cc!Scott plays this scene so well as well, as I've said before, one of the best parts of Scott's acting is how he's never super dramatic, but he's so effective in the little things like inflection to make you feel, viscerally, the panic and dread.

So after the dragon fight, Smajor realizes, I can't do this on my own. I've tried and failed. So he gets allies. We watch him, someone who has so strongly been an isolationist, learn the benefits of allies and watch him learn to trust others and watch him learn how to get that trust in return.

My favorite thing about Smajor's characterization is that he's an incompetent protagonist, but not in the way of the "plucky young adventurer". He's capable skill-wise, and fairly jaded and very pessimistic. However, his issue is that up until recently, he did not care about the rest of the server at all, and by the time he learned to, it was way too late.

Also, in 3rd Life, cc!Scott and cc!Jimmy were canonically married and they reference it sometimes in Empires. Like, Scott goes over to the Cod Empire every so often both in and out of character to kill and/or flirt with Jimmy, the ruler of the Cod Empire, which may develop as a secondary plot into the future who knows. So ty Scott for giving the gays what they want o7

Now onto Sausage: his is a story of Icarus, his hubris and ambition being his downfall. He's one of the two followers of Xornoth, who promised him endless power in exchange for his servitude. He started the series being eccentric, but not outright unhinged, but slowly gets more and more extreme as the series progresses, as he gets brought more and more to Xornoth's side.

One of the best parts of Sausage's character, in my opinion, is how his gradual corruption affects the people around him. Initially, he got into a conflict with the Cod Empire and was allied with two other people in the Witherrose alliance. They were allies, but also close friends. The fandom liked to joke that the three had sibling energy, and I'm pretty sure the ccs played to that even more lol.

It was painful to watch the other two members, Gem and fWhip, watch Sausage get corrupted right in front of them, and see them desperately clinging on to this old idea of Sausage in their head because if they faced the truth, it would mean that their friend was gone. Eventually, they do finally cut him out of the alliance, leading him to fully commit to the side of the demon. Sausage felt very clearly betrayed by this, and declared the remaining two Witherrose alliance members to be enemies.

He gets more and more possessed, and we even see the other Empires, his enemies even, slowly realize that something is very wrong with the ruler of Mythland. He starts doing more and more evil things, like killing people more, making sacrifices to the demon, and eventually helping to kill the dragon to free Xornoth. So things are good for Sausage, for a bit. He won, and is more powerful than ever. Then he finds out: he's going to die. Xornoth's possession is slowly killing his soul, and eventually, his body going to be fully taken over and he himself is going to be trapped in the spirit realm. So how do you react to this? Over the next few episodes, we watch Sausage struggle between "the demon is literally killing me" and "the demon has given me so much, and I love it", all while Xornoth takes over more and more of him. We hear him exclaim that "don't worry!! I'm still about 15% there!" while trying to downplay every time Xornoth completely takes over his body. We watch him willingly oppose anyone who is trying to end the thing that is killing him.

My favorite thing about Sausage is that he is undoubtedly evil and proud of it, but he's also undoubtedly human. If you like to watch evil characters go absolutely feral, he's the guy for you. He makes the deal with Xornoth in the beginning, knowing and fully embracing the evilness of the demon, but at the same time he knows what he's doing is detrimental to both himself and everyone around him, but he's gotten in way too deep at this point, and to be fair the demon has held up its end fo the bargain, right?

Also, I would be damned if I don't talk about cc!Sausage's editing. Every one of his videos is like a movie. The way he does camera angles and uses music is so skillful- every lore scene feels like something out of a high fantasy action saga (think: LotR). Every big lore event I always wait in anticipation for Sausage's ep because his editing truly takes lore to another level.

I'm just generally very excited to see where this series goes. Empires is such a good mix of talented builders and good lore. Part of the reason why the series is so immersive for me, beyond any other lore smp, is that they have the settings to back it up. There is a certain charm to the DreamSMP's objectively terrible builds (with a few exceptions) but in Empires, the settings help sell the plot so much.

Another part of why I love EmpiresSMP is how much the ccs are involved with the fan community. I'm sure you've seen the memes about Scott being on tumblr, and Sausage regularly goes through the EmpiresSMP fanart tag on Twitter and likes art, even ones not related to Mythland. Most of the ccs, in fact, have brought up tumblr content on stream at some point or another. Like, several ccs have said that they read tumblr lore theories and hcs and stuff and sometimes take inspiration from them. Fun fact: Rivendell's church was inspired by my pinned drawing; confirmed by Scott Smajor himself. It's just such a good cycle of ccs and fans being excited about each other.

As for DreamSMP, I'm gonna be honest here, the only person I really am invested in in Technoblade. I started watching when he joined the server, and he's the only person whose lore I keep up to date with.

Techno's fun to watch because he's like the Deadpool of DreamSMP. Virtually unkillable, very skilled and scary, but consistently cracks jokes and breaks the 4th wall during plot. His POV is just fun. Like, he does wild plans and gives speeches and some of the stuff that happens to him should be called deus ex machine if it wasn't for the fact that Technoblade is the one who's doing it, and all the stuff is grounded in the fact that cc!Techno is just that good at the game.

However, the fact that he rarely takes anything seriously makes the few times Techno is 100% serious so much more impactful. His whole character has a basis in being perceived as inhuman and being treated as such, and therefore in return trying to hide his humanity. So, when he shows that humanity, whether that's fear, anger, or genuine love for his friends, it really makes you go "oh shit."

Techno's often said not to have character development, but I'd argue that while he remains steadfast in his moral code, he develops leaps and bounds as a person. Like, at the beginning, he's brought onto the server to help Wilbur and Tommy overthrow a government; them knowing he's 1) an anarchist and 2) very very powerful. His character was more of a plot device at that point and was treated as such in the canon. Wilbur and Tommy straight-up lie to him about their plans to establish another government after they overthrow the current one, while he was led on to believe that they were abolishing all governments in the area. But he isn't a plot device. He's a person, as much as he only shows the terrifying, blood god side of himself.

After the establishment of New Lmanburg (the new government its a long story), his friend Phil joins. And for the first time, we see him be fully human with someone and we see someone treat him like a human. Like, we saw glimpses before, with Wilbur and Tommy in Pogtopia, but Phil is the first person we noticeably see he trusts 100%. Then Doomsday happens, and Techno essentially retires to the tundra. During this time, we see Techno learn to be more human, first with Ranboo, then Niki when he establishes the Syndicate. In fact, the two of them, along with Phil, canonically throw him a birthday party, which is a far cry from his treatment in Pogtopia.

Techno's development is one of a god learning to be human, and I just think he <3

[the-insomniac-emporium]

Serenade (Daniela Dimitrescu/Reader) Pt. 6

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language, brief violence, and a line that hints at past physical abuse (depending on how you choose to interpret it) Warnings: Mild TW for implied/referenced abuse Notes: Okay so this was supposed to be somewhat therapeutic? But it ended up taking longer to get to that part than I intended, so... Don't worry though, next chapter will be fluffy and also involve more, like, actual Daniela scenes. Previous Chapters: Pt. 1: Nocturne, Pt. 2 Overture, Pt. 3: Accelerando, Pt. 4: Toccata, Pt. 5: Poco a Poco

Chapter 6: Elegy

(Elegy: A piece of music in the form of a lament)

When you dream, you do not dream of being locked in a tower, awaiting a kindly knight to come save you. When you dream… you dream of your old home, infested with monsters, nearly unrecognizable. Of being forced to flee, leaving everything you loved behind. Of escaping to a remote, quaint little village, only to end up trapped once again, as friendly faces morph into gaping maws and fangs dripping red. When you dream, it is less a nightmare, more memories retouched, covered in a fresh coat of paint.

Waking up is but a brief source of comfort. One hand goes to your head, rubbing gently, as if you could wipe away all traces of your past. A quick glance around your shared room leaves you confused, but serves as a welcome distraction. Though there are six beds in the room, yours is the only occupied one, the others having all been vacated and made presentable. The only explanation that fit with what you knew was that everyone had gotten up, and gotten to work, without waking you. Panic filled you as you connected the dots, knowing that missing work was a death sentence.

Rushing, you rise to your feet, throwing your dresser open to search for fresh clothes. While the castle’s staff was almost entirely female, the Dimitrescu family didn’t enforce traditional gender presentation, allowing maidens to choose whether to wear a dress or a button-up and trousers. Remembering the wound on your neck, you pause, glancing in the dorm’s singular mirror to inspect your injury. Most of the blood had rubbed off in your sleep (and would likely be a nightmare to clean from the sheets). There were, however, a few spots where dried blood mingled with the protective scab. Considering how late you already were, you didn’t believe you would have time to clean up.

As much as you hated the thought, the best you could do was go for a button-up, hoping the collar would hide the worst of your disastrous appearance. Your hair was another matter entirely, far messier than it normally was, and you struggled to brush/comb it enough to be mildly presentable. Good thing Daniela won’t see me today, you think, remembering her insistence on skipping today’s lesson.

Then you remember the rest of your conversation with her; the yelling, being dragged to your feet, and the pain in her eyes. For a moment you feel woozy, pausing in the middle of buttoning your shirt. Your eyes focus on a spot on the now-closed dresser… and suddenly you wish you had paid more attention when you first woke up. There’s a note stuck to the furniture, clearly addressed to you.

Heard you had some trouble yesterday. We’re just glad you’re alive! A certain someone has been a lot nicer since you started playing the piano, and we’re grateful. To show that, we decided to split your morning duties among ourselves, so you can sleep in. If you’re reading this, then it’s still before 4 AM. Feel free to just relax for a while, or even get some more sleep! We’ll be by to make sure you’re up eventually.

Sincerely,

Daphne, Rosalia, Ygritte, Alexandra, Juniper, and Riley

“I… have… freetime?” You mumbled, still a little drowsy, but now also shocked. This was a complete first for you. Maybe even a first among the servants! Sure, you had been given breaks before, but having a couple hours to do whatever you wanted? No one had ever pulled strings like this for you before. It made your chest feel warm, and you just about forgot the whole mess with Daniela. “I’ll have to find a way to pay them back, even if they think they’re paying me back.” With that said you relaxed a little, no longer rushing getting dressed, though still leaving your neck the way it was. You figured you’d stop by one of the maidens’ restrooms before you officially started your shift.

In the meantime, you knew exactly what you’d be using this time for: finding those damn piano books you had been promised!

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“Let’s see… dust, more dust, a dead spider, even more dust, and- oh shit, the spider is not dead,” you said, barely holding in a yelp as the arachnid scurries away from you. If you had known the attic would be so unclean, you might not have bothered to come up here. So far your targets had alluded you without giving so much as a hint towards their location. The library had seemed a likely location, but you had heard Daniela’s voice within, and anxiety had sent you dashing away. Up here, in an area clearly used for storage above all else, was the next best guess, as far as you were concerned. Still, you hadn’t seen anything worth your time yet.

Just insects, really. Not even terribly interesting ones. Well, there had been a shiny beetle of some sort, but it had crawled into a crack in the wall mere seconds after you saw it. Other than that, though, nothing but creepy crawlies. Creepy flyers?... Both, for sure. One fly in particular kept buzzing around you, weirdly interested in what you were doing.

Somehow you didn’t understand what that meant until a firm hand had wrapped itself around your neck. The grip was tight, putting more than enough pressure to make your vision blur. Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, the culprit didn’t intend to just choke you out. Instead they lift you and toss you aside- casually, at that. You hit the wall with a terrible crashing sound, certain to leave bruises, and narrowly avoid toppling into a stack of heavy crates. So much for enjoying some free time, you think. Stunned for several seconds, you find yourself left helpless as your attacker approaches.

“You’re not allowed to be up here,” a voice snarled, familiar enough to leave you terrified. Of course you had to run into the most violent of the Dimitrescu sisters. “Looking for a way out, hmm? Or are you stupid enough to think we’d leave a weapon where a wretched thing like you could find it?” Cassandra asked, pausing only to send a swift kick your way. A grunt escapes you, leaves you coughing, but it doesn’t hurt as bad as hitting the wall. Despite wanting to curl up and give in, you tried to drag yourself to your feet. Surprisingly, Cassandra makes no move to stop you, perhaps enjoying the sight of you struggling.

“Lady… Daniela… gave me permission,” you said between painful breaths. By the time you’re back on your feet, the vampire before you is watching you with narrowed, albeit curious, eyes. Normally it would take a lot of courage to face her. But you’re exhausted, in pain, and you’ve taken nearly as much hurt from someone who called themselves your lover. It’s not brave to stare down Cassandra, it’s foolhardy. It’s idiotic, really, and yet you find yourself unable to care. “I’m just looking for a couple piano books I’ve been told about, so I can use them to help teach Lady Daniela.”

“Oh? You’re her instructor?” Cassandra asked, a strange smile overtaking her expression. Something in the atmosphere has shifted, dangerously, but you can’t figure out why. Clueless to your self-betrayal, you nod in response. Instantly Cassandra’s smile turns into an open-lipped snarl, and she reaches out to grab you by the shirt, this time slamming you into the wall with her own hands. “Then you’re the reason she kept me up yesterday, crying non stop! I’m going to rip you apart, you vermin.”

The look in her eyes is, most definitely, the scariest thing you had ever seen. It’s feral, inhuman, and unstoppably determined. But when tears fall from your eyes, it’s not because you know you’re about to die. No, it’s because the last thing you think you’ll ever hear is the news that your partner had been sobbing for hours… and that you were the reason why. Your heart aches, both physically and emotionally, as you brace yourself for the bloody end.

Instead, the grip on your clothes loosens. You don’t dare open your eyes to see why.

“What the fuck do you want, sis?” Cassandra asked, sounding like she had turned her head away from you. Before you know it you’ve been let go, and you slide to the ground, too surprised to hold yourself steady. When you look up, you see an irritated Bela pulling Cassandra away from you, whispering something you can’t quite hear. They argue for a minute, under their breath, keen on keeping you out of the loop. Eventually the younger of the two storms away, but not before making a dent in the wall with her fist.

“What a child,” Bela said, rolling her eyes at the display. Then she’s walking back towards you, extending a hand in an offer of assistance (one you gladly accept). “That girl has the foresight of a magic eight ball, I swear. If she had actually killed you… ugh, I can hardly stand to imagine how inconsolable Daniela would become. Then I’d have two insufferable sisters. Regardless, do tell me why you thought it would be a good idea to come up here unaccompanied? It is normally off limits for servants, after all.”

“I-I, well… I mean, firstly thank you for saving me, I had no idea-” Bela holds a finger up in a ‘shut up’ motion, then puts it away as soon as you pause- “right, you don’t care. Look, I was just trying to find the piano books that Lady Dimitrescu mentioned, but I’ve looked all over and I can’t find them, so I should really just go,” you explain, eager to get out of the attic. To your surprise, Bela gives you an odd look before turning away. Then she takes no more than five steps, shifts to the side, and opens an old cabinet. Inside you can see a dozen books of sheet music, notably from several different decades, all worn but still in decent condition. “How did-?... I thought I checked there.”

“Well, you must have been distracted. Nonetheless, you know where they are now, and you owe me twice over. With that in mind… come with me. We have things to discuss,” Bela commanded, walking away before you could protest. All you can do is grab the sheet music, tuck it under one arm, and follow her to who-knows-where.

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“I’ll have to have you make my tea more often,” Bela mused, letting the mug keep her hands warm. The two of you were sitting in some sort of study, a room that you had never been inside before. From what you could tell it belonged solely to the eldest Dimitrescu daughter. Inside were several shelves, each filled with well bookmarked collections, a desk next to a massive window, a couple simple chairs, and a few instrument cases. All in all it was an aesthetically pleasing room, organized but not exactly neat. You could certainly imagine Bela spending entire days in this chamber. “Now, why do you think I brought you here?” Her voice brings your focus back into the present moment, as well as sends a spike of anxiety through you.

“Based on what nearly got me killed earlier… Does it have to do with Daniela crying?” You asked, doing your best to indicate just how bad you felt about the subject. No matter how cruel she could be, you did honestly care about Daniela, and even wanted a real, healthy relationship with her. Desire, or willingness, wasn’t the root of the problem by any means. Something told you that Bela understood this, maybe even respected you for it.

“Guess there’s more in that pretty head of yours than air and symphonies, hmm?” Bela replied, laughing a little as she did. It was a far nicer sound than Cassandra’s maniacal giggling, for sure. “Now, I don’t know all the details about what happened- just that there was an argument, clearly a bad one, and Daniela barely made it through dinner before locking herself in her room. Luckily for you, our mother doesn’t seem to know about your little ‘fight’. She’s not sure what upset Dani, and I doubt my sister would tell her, so your secret is safe. Assuming that I blackmailed Cassandra well enough, that is. Anyway, I can’t help you, and by extension my sister, if I don’t know the full story. In case it wasn’t clear, that’s your cue to start talking.”

You’re surprised, admittedly, by a number of things. But Bela seems impatient, so you go over the details of the previous night with her, occasionally pausing to let her ask questions. The whole time her focus is on you, unwavering. There’s also a noticeable lack of judgement in her expression, even when you voice your regret about how you handled the situation, and what is there seems directed more towards Daniela than yourself. Once you finish, Bela releases a deep sigh. One of her hands goes to rub her forehead as if warding off a migraine.

“Well, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised, as much as I wish I could. Daniela’s always had her head in the clouds, and it’s left her tripping over her own feet more than once. Still, this is certainly one of her bigger messes…” Bela said, shaking her head in disbelief. “I’m going to have to talk to her about this, aren’t I? There’s no way she’s going to process this correctly on her own.” This time she seemed to be talking to herself, gaze locked on her tea as if it might suddenly offer to speak to Daniela in her place. When the tea stayed silent, understandably, she returned her focus to you. “You seemed upset, earlier, about this ridiculous situation. I am going to assume, from that, you are genuinely interested in my dear sister. Normally, this would be the part where I drain you of all blood, and possibly keep your skull as a memento... mori. Yours would look lovely on a window sill, I think.”

She pauses, head tilting a little to the side, clearly evaluating your artistic value.

“However, Daniela appears to care about you, far more than her usual fleeting infatuations. So, for now, I have decided not to eviscerate you, you’re welcome,” Bela cooed, teasingly, enjoying the way you shifted uncomfortably in your seat. Still, you were glad that you would apparently be surviving the day. “So I’m going to give you some advice, which you will take, and you won’t even owe me anything extra for this. Daniela is in love with the mere concept of love- and she has been for as long as I can remember. Romance novels are practically the only books she reads. It’s… embarrassing, truly. More than that, I get the impression that she couldn’t even begin to describe what love actually feels like. She’s digested so much of that written drivel that it warped her senses. Of course, the, ahem, situation we find ourselves in, here at the castle, has undoubtedly added to this effect.

“To get to the point, Daniela’s terribly, hopelessly clueless when it comes to things like what she wants from you. And so I take it upon myself, as her older sibling, to ensure that you understand. Moreso, that you are not dissuaded. If this is an actual chance for her to experience real romance, then it could make her happier than I’ve ever seen her,” Bela explained. The look in her eyes was incredibly soft, to the point where it made you realize just how much this odd little family cared for each other. “Don’t give up, don’t let her occasional infuriating antics push you away. Given enough time… I think the two of you could, I suppose, compliment each other quite nicely. But if you break her heart? I will pull yours from your chest and eat it raw. Understood?” Gulping, you nodded quickly, ignoring the feeling of heat rushing to your cheeks. It was one thing for Bela to want her sister to be happy, but another thing entirely for her to acknowledge your “suitability” for the position. “Good. Now return to whatever it is you maidens normally do. I have a sister to talk sense into.”

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Hours later, you stand alone in a display room, dusting various relics from bygone times. A trophy here, a bizarre art piece there, strange, unlabeled tools you can’t quite imagine are for wine-making. It’s a fascinating collection, really. But your mind is focused on other, far softer things. All you can think about is what Bela had told you, about how Daniela really is interested in you, and how she thought the two of you could make it work. After the chaos earlier in the day, this was exactly what you needed. Just some time to yourself, working quietly, thoughts all to yourself. Even your bruises bother you less, the pain fading out into the background. Considering where you are, though, it is not at all surprising that your peace cannot last. As soon as you finish your task you move towards the exit.

The door swings open, outwards, at your touch, only to reveal a familiar figure reaching for the doorknob. Both of you gasp, taken by surprise, before your gazes meet. Of course it’s Daniela. Who else would you bump into right now?

“I thought about what you said,” she blurts, suddenly, eyes wide and hands shaking. “We need to talk, yeah?”

[unbound-space-trash]

Heartbeat (part 2)

summary: din wakes up and does a little bit of self-reflection (part 1) [ao3]

words: 1,638

a/n: coolcoolcool so what was supposed to be a oneshot has... evolved...

warnings: a sprinkle of language, a smidgen of fluff, and a dash of self-deprecation

~~~

Din becomes aware of two things as he’s unwillingly pulled into wakefulness for the second time this sleep cycle.

The first is the familiar crick in his neck that he tends to get when he sleeps with his helmet on.

The second is your warmth. At some point during the sleep cycle, you’d draped yourself over Din like a blanket, entangling your legs with his, all while still keeping an arm curled around the Child. Your face is buried in Din’s neck, and his skin threatens to break out in goosebumps at the warm puffs of your breath over his collarbone. 

Din shifts himself a little to try and get comfortable, but stops when you nuzzle further into his neck. He feels his face warm up a little as he feels your lips brush against his skin when you mumble something unintelligible in your sleep before you settle again.

In the quiet of the bunk, Din’s mind starts to wander. He thinks about how your lips felt as they brushed against his neck in your sleep. Wonders what they’d feel like as you leave trails of kisses across his skin. How they’d feel against his own, how you’d taste-

No. Din feels his face heat up again, this time with embarrassment and shame as he drags himself out of that line of thought. He berates himself for those thoughts. You were in here for warmth because the Crest’s heating had crapped out, not so he could live out some far-fetched fantasy of having you in his bed, no matter how brief or innocent.

Much like you had only a couple hours earlier, Din begins to slowly make his way out of the bunk, taking care not to wake you or the Child. He quickly shoves his feet into his boots before the chill of the floor can steal too much warmth. 

At your groan, Din turns around and watches as you unconsciously seek his warmth, his lips twitching with a small smile when you give up and roll both yourself and the Child into the warm space Din had occupied. Reaching in, Din adjusts the blankets to make sure you’re both properly covered before closing the bunks door and making his way up to the cockpit. 

After securing the cockpit door behind him, Din slumps down in the pilot's seat, pulling off his helmet and setting it on the floor within reach. 

He scrubs his hands over his face and sighs, absent-mindedly watching as the cold air in the Crest turns his breath to fog. Din came up here with the intention of seeing if there was any way to fix the heating without fucking around with the wiring, but his mind clearly has other ideas because he can’t seem to focus on anything aside from how you felt in his arms. 

Din could get by before, back when the feeling of you pressed up against him was something he had to use his imagination for. Back before he’d felt your lips against his skin. 

But now? Knowing how it feels to wake with your legs tangled with his? How your breath makes his skin break out in goosebumps? Din wants to have that forever. Wants to be able to wake up next to you every morning. He wants to be able to wrap you in his arms and hold you. 

And damn it all, Din wants to know how your hair feels when he buries his face in it. He wants to know how your chapped lips feel against his. And certain parts of Din’s anatomy definitely want to know how you’d feel under him, how you’d sound when you moan his name while he-

Stop it, stop it, stop it! 

Din kicks the edge of the console in frustration and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes until the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes go away. He knows he could never have you. He doesn’t deserve you. You deserve to be able to settle down on a nice planet with someone who can give you everything. Someone who doesn’t hide behind a wall of silence and beskar. Someone who doesn’t jump from one end of the Outer Rim to the other, chasing people down and shoving them in carbonite. 

Never someone like me. 

Din lets out a shuddering breath before shaking his head a little and shoving all those thoughts behind a mental wall. Self-deprecation sure as shit won’t get anything fixed. 

He’s just turned his attention back to the console when he hears a rustling and then a knock on the cockpit door. 

“Mando?” Your voice is rough with sleep, and muffled through the door. “You in there?”

Din grabs his helmet from the floor as he stands and puts it back on before going to open the doors. 

Your hand is raised as though you were about to knock again, a look of surprise on your tired face. You’ve got a blanket clutched around your shoulders to ward off the cold, and your feet shoved into your unlaced boots. Your hair is a disaster and your eyes are red rimmed and bleary with sleep, but fuck, you are by far the most beautiful person Din has laid eyes on. 

“What are you doing up?” he asks softly. 

You lower your hand back to your side. “I, umm, I woke up and you weren’t there,” you shuffle your feet a little and peer around him into the cockpit. “I- wait… you- you weren’t sleeping in there were you?! Shit, fuck, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to kick you out of your own bed!”

Din rolls his eyes, and a small smile tugs at his lips at your worry. “You snore. I came up to see if there was anything I could do to get the heating back up.”

You shake your head. “Nah, I’m almost certain it’s something to do with the wiring or the heating element. I’ll take a look at it in the morn- wait...” you frown as what he’d said catches up to you. “I do not snore, you ass!”

Din tilts his head and doesn’t say anything, knowing it’ll get a reaction out of you.

You cross your arms and scowl at him. “We’ve been travelling together for too long for me to fall for that, Mando. Stop trying to make me doubt myself.”

He’s glad that the helmet hides the growing smile on his face as he continues to stay silent. 

“I don’t snore, you snore,” you grumble. 

Din shrugs as he moves past you and heads down the ladder. “If you say so.”

He waits for you down in the cargo hold, his brain doing the math of a ladder plus loose boot laces plus your tired, clumsy self. And sure enough, halfway down the ladder, you step on your own laces and fall into Din’s waiting arms, your back against his chest. 

He chuckles as he makes sure you’re settled properly on your feet. “Shu’shuk.”

You turn around and give him a confused look. “‘Shoe shook’? My shoes didn’t shake. I… tripped…”

Din snorts. “Not ‘shoe shook’. Shu’shuk. Disaster.” He turns and takes the few steps towards the bunk.

“They sound the same to me. Also; rude,” you say as you walk over and sit down on your cot. 

Din turns around at the creak it makes. “What are you doing?” Surely you’re not going to try and sleep out here in the freezing cold again?

“Going back to sleep?” You look down at your lap uncertainly. “I- I didn’t want to assume…”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He waits until you look up before he gestures at the bunk with his head. “C’mon.”

You stand and walk over, and the soft smile on your face leaves a warm feeling in his chest. “Thanks, Mando.”

Din pushes the button that opens the door, and both of you immediately focus on the lump of blankets in the middle of the bunk that’s snoring louder than it has any right to. 

“He snores,” you and Din say at the same time. 

“Looks like the blame was misplaced,” you whisper with a grin on your face. 

“Looks like,” Din murmurs and he leans in to pick up the Child masquerading as a pile of blankets. He kicks off his boots and climbs into the bunk with the still-snoring Child in one arm, and after shifting himself to one side, he holds his other arm out in invitation.

You toe off your own boots before clambering into the bunk and sitting next to him. “Pass him here, might as well sort ourselves out before we lay down.” You hold out your arms and the Child is gently deposited into them. 

Din pulls the blankets up over your laps and manoeuvres so that he can lie down on his side, then he gently helps you to get comfortable so that the Child doesn’t wake up. Once you’re laying with your back to his chest, your head pillowed on his arm, and the Child tucked into your own chest, Din finishes pulling the blankets over all of you. He reaches a foot out of the blankets and presses the interior door controls to seal in the warmth before shoving his foot back under the blankets. 

“Night again, Mando,” your voice is already slurring as the cocoon of warmth lulls you back into the waiting arms of sleep. 

“G’night shu’shuk,” Din hums, and he rests his free hand on your hip again. 

“St’ll rude,” you mumble before your breathing evens out with sleep. 

Din lies awake for a bit longer, just listening to you breathe. Maybe he doesn’t deserve you, but in this moment, he just wants to savour the contact, enjoy the warmth of you against him. 

Just this once.

(part 3)

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ON THE EDGE ~ Pt. 1

Summary: YN is a Detective and the partner of Gavin Reed, number one douchebag of the Detroit City Police Department. After a forced break, she comes back. She’s looking forward to working with her partner again and to getting back into her ‘normal’ life between case files and criminals. But, of course, it doesn’t stay boring for too long: Gavin seemed to be more on the edge than usual, a Red Ice dealer might be a good lead to something bigger and then, there is Connor, the friendly, handsome android and Hank’s new partner.

Added to the fact that yn has to deal with the criminal world again, she also discovers feelings she hasn’t noticed before triggered by a person she hasn’t expected.

Her life always resembled a ride on a rollercoaster.

But now, it’s a whole damn circus parade.

Characters: Gavin Reed, YN (FEMALE!Reader), Hank Anderson, Connor

Words: 2.472

Warnings: signs of PTSD (flashbacks in italics), cursing (a lot), mention of blood

"He's totally crazy. He shoots at everything that moves. It's impossible to get close to him.", yn stated. "But we have to stop him somehow."

"Stay here. I have an idea. Over there, the left spot is free. He will barely notice me.", Gavin said and pointed in the direction.

"Gavin, no!", Yn cursed as he slipped through her grip, "Gavin!", she tried again to call him back but her partner was already too far away, "Fuck!"

Gavin ran to the left side like mentioned. Yn stayed behind the hide and watched the scene concerned. She was trying to cover Gavin whenever needed. What Gavin couldn't notice was that the crazy guy had seen him.

Even if she tried everything to get the guy's attention, Yn watched in horror how the suspect aimed at Gavin who sneaked through the room completely unaware that he was the target in the line of fire.

The suspect aimed his gun into Gavin's direction and waited til he would appear on the other side of the pillar where Gavin tried to hide.

There was no way that yn would be able to stop the guy. He was too far away and behind a half broken wall. But she was convinced that she could help Gavin. That was what she did without thinking twice: she ran towards Gavin. As she reached him to push him out of the way, the suspect fired his gun two times.

Of course Gavin was cursing as he hit the ground unexpectedly, not knowing what had pushed him. He hurried to get back on his feet and as he saw that the suspect's gun had been running out of bullets, Gavin shot to stop him.

Gavin made sure that the suspect was no threat anymore. Officers were running into the room to arrest the shooter. And only then, Gavin noticed yn lying on the ground and all the blood pouring from her body...

Gasping for air, Gavin started up from his sleep and sat straight in his bed, "Fuck...", he cursed breathlessly. He was dripping with sweat, his hair clutching to his face. Three o'clock in the morning. Just two hours of sleep but still more than the night before...or all the other nights during the past weeks.

Gavin pushed his blanket away, sat on the edge of his bed and rested his face in his hands to calm down himself. His fingers were digging into his hair violently as he desperately tried to get the memories out of his head. He squeezed his eyes shut until stars were dancing in front of his inner eyes.

A shudder was shaking him. Goosebumps were spreading over his naked chest. To sit around like this, covered in sweat, wouldn't do anything good. And because he was already awake, Gavin stood up, took his boxing gloves and started to train until the pictures in his head would disappear.

He knew this would never happen.

He should have been better.

He had failed yn.

**

To stay in front of this certain building after all these long weeks felt like coming home. At least, for yn. She was nervous but in a good way that shot adrenaline through her body. It was like the first day at school after the summer break. She didn't have to fear anything. Everyone would be happy to see her again. And yet, she extended the moment to go in. It was not an official visit. She just wanted to come back because...she feared to miss too many things.

Yn had heard the rumors of Hank's new partner. An android. Then, there were the happenings that got called 'War of Detroit', the successful android revolution. So many things had changed and yet, yn knew that there was still this one, certain absolute term. Her own rock in this ocean of craziness she could always depend on: Gavin Reed, her partner.

Yn was looking forward to seeing all the familiar faces again and without waiting any longer, she entered the DPD finally.

*

Gavin stood in the kitchen of the DPD at one of the tables, his back facing the office so he hadn't to see anyone. The last thing he wanted was to talk with someone. A cup of coffee stood in front of him. He watched the foam floating around on the dark liquid. It was his third cup. And it wouldn't be the last.

"Good morning, Detective Reed."

Gavin nodded without looking up. Even if Gavin had made his peace with Connor, the nice android from the neighborhood, he was still getting on his nerves from time to time. This morning was such a 'time'. His thoughts always drifted back to his recurring dreams of yn…

"Reed.", Hank greeted Gavin, who nodded quickly. Without asking, Hank and Connor joined Gavin at the table. An own cup of coffee in front of Hank. He sugared it and stirred the liquid that would start his day.

Connor was about to say something, maybe to light up the mood of these two grumpy guys, but Hank stopped him, "Shit! Look who's there.", he said and looked at someone behind Gavin's back.

Gavin looked up and saw Hank and Connor staring at the same spot so, he turned around, "No fucking way!", Gavin called out surprised and approached yn quickly who stood in the passage of the kitchen. A smirk was spreading on his lips as he saw her in the familiar environment.

Yn smiled and waved but as she saw Gavin's predatory glance and the smirk, she stepped back and raised her hands to stop him, "Gavin, no. Stop! Gavin!" The impact of her partner knocked all the air out of her lungs.

He snaked his arms around her waist and scooped her up, "I have missed you, shorty!", he cheered.

Yn chuckled until she got put back down on her feet a moment later, "I have missed you, too, idiot!", she said. Together, Gavin and yn went back to the table to Hank and Connor, "I'm- what? Away for six weeks and everything went south? Detroit fights a civil war against androids who started a revolution? Everything's a warzone, suddenly and I'm not a part of that? Boys, I thought you could handle it better without me.", she said smirking and crossed her arms.

"We did what we could but there were just too many of these things.", Gavin said serious.

As yn looked at Gavin with an amused expression, her eyes fell on the fourth person at the table, "Oh, and who are you?"

"My name is Connor.", the android answered.

"My new partner.", Hank added.

"Your new- bloody hell! I already heard the rumors but- Nice to meet you. I'm yn. Whenever you need help with the old man, come to me.", yn said with a wink.

"Very funny!" Hank grunted but yn saw the grin on his face.

As Gavin saw the glances between Connor and yn, he stepped between them. Gavin wasn't fond of the way the android looked at her.

"So, you're 'back' back?", Gavin asked hopefully.

"I'm still not fully recovered. I have to attend a few dates with the psycho-doc AND I have to pass the shooting test. Then I will be back. I guess one more week. I just have missed all this so much, I had to come over.", yn said grinning.

"I guess, there will be no problem for you to pass everything, kiddo.", Hank said encouragingly.

"Thanks Hank-"

"Of course, she will pass all this bullshit! And then, she will be back. The precinct was way too boring without you!", Gavin said excitedly.

Yn saw his eyes sparkling and the familiar grin. She considered saying something nice but she always loved to tease this douchebag. It was their thing, "No new recruits to torture, huh?"

Gavin's smile faltered and he squinted his eyes as he saw her smirking, "I never-"

Yn nodded understandingly, "Ohh...I see... No women to hunt either? You poor thing!", she patted his cheek to act playfully caring.

Gavin couldn't do anything else than just to laugh before he brought her into a bear hug, completely enveloping her, "Oh, how much I have missed you!", Gavin stepped back, ruffled her hair, and laid his arm around her shoulders before they walked to his desk.

Connor watched after them. Overwhelmed by her entrance, the way she was handling Gavin and how different the Detective was around her, "Where was she?", he asked Hank finally.

Confused, Hank looked at his partner, "What?"

"Where was yn? She said she was gone for several weeks. Where had she been? Vacation?"

"Oh .. uhmm, no. She... During their last case, she got injured. She had to recover. It's good that she will be back soon, tho.", Hank explained, smiling about the fact yn was coming home.

"Detective Reed seems different around her.", Connor stated, still confused about all the smiles and laughter coming from Reed.

"I guess it's her magical power. She's able to handle him where anyone else failed a long time ago."

Connor looked at her once again. Yn stood with Gavin, Chris and some other cops at the desk, talking and laughing. She was truly magical. Nice, funny, cheeky, beautiful. He was looking forward to working with her. Then, she came back to them.

"Hey, I got appetite for the best burger in town. Wanna join?", she called over to Hank who nodded with a grin. Gavin rolled his eyes but she just nudged him in his side. Connor got dragged out of his thoughts and followed his three colleagues. Yn already waited for him to join. Much to Gavin's dismay she linked her arm with the android's one but he swallowed down his annoyance for the greater good.

*

They drove to the Chicken Feed truck. The best burger in town, how Hank had titled them. While the three made their orders, Connor organized a table. All three went to the table with burgers and drinks. Simultaneously, they bit into their burgers.

"You know, this meal contains 1.4 times the recommended daily intake of calories. You shouldn't eat-"

"Shut up!", Gavin and Hank yelled at the same time. Connor silenced instantly.

Yn looked alternating at Hank and Gavin before she stopped at Connor, "Connor, honey, very important rule: don't fuck the boys up when it comes to their food. It's not a good idea."

"But it's unhealthy.", Connor argued innocently.

Yn nodded slowly, knowing what he meant before she looked at her burger closely, "Well, I’m spotting salad, tomato and even pickles on our burgers. These are three different types of vegetables. It's more healthier than everything else we're used to consuming. Don't forget that we usually got fueled by coffee and donuts. Only."

Connor nodded and let them eat. He had learnt that humans knew how to live the best way but some of them didn't just want to do it right. Maybe it wasn’t for him to change their behaviour.

"Hey, sweety. Want some bread?”, Yn asked and threw a small piece of bread on the ground.

Hank followed the way of her attention and rolled annoyed with his eyes, "Oh, these disgusting creatures!", Hank muttered. Yn looked questioningly up to Connor.

"Lieutenant Anderson doesn't like pigeons.", Connor explained.

"That sounds like a story. I wanna know it!", yn said amused with a big grin, waiting for Hank to speak up.

Hank grinned but shook his head, "Someday, I will tell you what I had to endure with this guy but not now.", Hank said and he and Connor said goodbye. Hank hugged yn before they left her and Gavin alone.

Gavin and yn started to walk around a bit, enjoying the sunny winter day, "You look tired. Have you been very busy the last few weeks?", yn asked.

"No, it was okay. Nothing much. The typical stuff, you know.", Gavin said, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket, playing with some coins.

"Oh, yeah... So, you just didn't want to see me then?", she asked, looking at him from the corner of her eyes, watching his reaction.

Gavin avoided her eyes, looking at the ground, "Yn…", he sighed, "I…", but he stopped. Unsure what he should say.

Yn nudged him with her shoulder, a soft smile on her lips as she saw his pained expression, "It's okay. I'm not mad. I was just… it was boring, you know. If you would have visited more often, maybe it would have been more fun to recover.", she said jokingly but it wasn't working, the painful expression stayed in his face.

"I really doubt that.", Gavin said low, still not able to look at her.

"What?", Yn asked surprised and stopped.

Gavin stopped as well, facing her with his back, "I- I… forget it.", Gavin said and was about to go but yn stopped him with her hand holding his arm and turning him around.

"Gavin, what is it?"

Gavin needed a moment before he looked at yn, as he did, it was with a serious expression, "It's my fault that you got injured in the first place."

Slightly taken aback that it was this topic that still bothered him, yn frowned and looked at him with big eyes and shaking her head, "No. It was the fault of this fucker-"

"No! You wouldn't have been shot if I hadn't been so stupid! I have failed you as a partner and as a friend!", Gavin called out angrily, torturing himself.

Yn intervened right away, "Stop that, Gavin! It's not your fault, okay? Your idea was good. This guy was simply just too crazy."

Gavin dropped his gaze, not able to look into her eyes any longer. For him it didn’t feel right to get forgiveness from her, "I should have been in your place instead. Two more scars on my body wouldn't make any difference to all the others I already have."

Yn stepped forward to search his glance, "You feel guilty, I get that. But ... you don't have to, okay? And beside, I know you and your luck. You would have been killed instead of just being injured.", a smirk playing on her lips.

Finally, Gavin looked at her again. He chuckled low by the face she made: a too overexcited grin to cheer him up. No matter how down he felt, yn was able to let him feel better. Always. Even just for a moment. He stepped forward and brought her into a bone crushing embrace, "It's so good to have you back.", he said softly into her hair.

Yn was surprised about the sudden outburst of emotions but she hugged him back, enjoying this moment to the fullest, "Yeah. And you know what? I can't wait to kick some asses with you again."

[kyouxa]

Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Subaru Sakamaki (Story 11)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! If you enjoy these translations, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.

Monologue

While being held by Subaru-kun, we escaped from the Scarlet mansion together.

I entangled my fingers strongly with his, this way, I’d never be able to let go of his hand.

And while I did so, Subaru-kun strongly clasped my hand as a response to my action.

Both of us couldn’t do anything else but run for our lives.

We tried finding a place to hide in, even though there wasn’t any place for us to go.

Place: Outside — Abandoned house

Subaru: What’s this?

Yui: Seems as if there’s an abandoned house even in a place like this.

Subaru: I wish we came here earlier. I’ll let you down.

Yui: Yes, thank you.

*Subaru lets Yui down*

Subaru: ...There seems to be no sign of any familiars around here either. But we can’t let our guard down.

Yui: That’s a relief for now. Would you like to go inside and take a rest then? I’m still worried about your injury.

Subaru: ...It might be best not to enter the house instantly.

Yui: Why is that?

Subaru: We couldn’t escape in case of emergency. Plus, we don’t mean to stay here forever anyway.

Not only Scarlet and Orange are after us, Violet is also still aiming for us.

We should try to find a safer place instead of getting ourselves into this run-down shabby house...

Yui: …..

Subaru: Heh, how funny. I really can’t trust anyone anymore here. It doesn’t even matter if it’s any of my brothers or not.

Everyone is looking for me because they want to snatch Eve away from me.

But they can bring it on if they dare. I don’t need to borrow anyone’s strength to protect my precious girlfriend.

Yui: I hope this never happens though! It’s not a bad thing to rely on other people after all. But during times like those I understand how hard it is to trust others...

Subaru: ...Guess so.

Yui: (Neither of us can trust anyone besides ourselves… but it’s only natural that he’s frustrated after Reiji-san betrayed us like he did, right?)

What should we do about your injury, Subaru-kun? The wound opened itself again a while ago, right?

Subaru: Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.

Yui: Please, Subaru-kun. Don’t try to act tough in front of me.

I’m afraid it will get even more messed up because you’re holding the pain in just to have me not worry about you.

Subaru: You…

Choices

1) I can’t see the future (black)

2) It’s because I like Subaru-kun (white) ♡ ♡ ♡

— I can’t see the future

Yui: We’re forced to get chased by everyone without even knowing why this is happening to the both of us...

I’m just worried because I can’t look into the future. I can’t help but wonder how long we’ll have to continue living like this...

Subaru: I didn’t mean to worry you, sorry.

Yui: No! You’re wrong! I’m not saying this is your fault or anything, Subaru-kun… !

I’m sorry, Subaru-kun. While I’m whining about all the things I just said, you’re relying on me more than ever.

It’s just hard for me to see you get even more hurt than you already are...

— It’s because I like Subaru-kun ♡

Subaru: I told you already, I’m fine. I’m a vampire, so this won’t be a big bother to me.

Yui: You might act as if it’s not bothering you, but it does bother me...

I really like you a lot, Subaru-kun. Therefore, I hate it when people I like are going through hard times by themselves.

I know I don’t have the same approximate strength as you do, but as much as you want to protect me...

I want to protect you as well.

Subaru: Does it really bother you that much?

end Choices

Yui: Hey, Subaru-kun. Be honest with me, would you be happier if I wasn’t here with you and the injury never happened?

Subaru: Hah? What are you talking about so suddenly?

*Yui starts crying*

Yui: You’re still injured because of me, and you have to force yourself to run away from everyone and everything due to me being with you.

...Maybe without me you could’ve stayed at Carla or even Reiji-san’s mansion.

Speaking of that, if I ended up cooperating as Eve, maybe someone would end up helping—

Subaru: Don’t say stupid shit!

Yui: Subaru-kun…

Subaru: You can’t decide these things on your own like that! Do you really think you’ll rescue everyone if you selfishly give yourself to them!? Hah!?

You’re still seen as a saint woman here, you know. So don’t play around with that!

Yui: I didn’t mean it like that...

Subaru: I said it so many times already though! No matter what you are in this world, I need you to be safe and sound!

*grabs Yui*

Subaru: Fuck, why won’t you get it!? I’ve already prepared myself to be with you from the start, okay!?

Yui: ….. !?

Subaru: It doesn’t matter to me what might happen to my body. I don’t want to give you to anyone else, even if things will go wrong…

*Subaru gets closer*

Yui: Subaru-kun…

Subaru: I don’t ever want to lose the feeling of holding you in my arms like I do right now… !

That’s why… ouch...

Yui: ...Ah, your injury… are you okay? Don’t overwork yourself.

(After all, his face does look as if he's in pain. You’re acting strong, but the wound actually does hurt you a lot, doesn’t it?)

(And despite that, he’s trying his hardest not to make me worry about him…)

Subaru: Shit, I just hugged you but it already started hurting so much… Ngh

I can’t do anything with this injury. I doubt I could even fight any of them in my current conditions… !

Yui: (I’m so sorry, Subaru-kun… after all, without me—)

Subaru: What do I do!?

*lightning strikes*

Subaru: What was that light just now!?

What’s going on?

???: …..

Yui: A glowing… ball?

Subaru: What’s with this ball? Looks like the odd things strike yet again...

Socrates: My name is Socrates—

Subaru: Damn! That thing talked! Yui, stay behind me!

Socrates: What heroic actions indeed. So you really are protecting Eve despite your whole body continuously suffering from your injury.

It appears as if we have hit an interesting phase in our experiment. I could not possibly miss this opportunity.

Subaru: Experiment… ?

Yui: What do you mean by that exactly? And who even are you?

Socrates: You do not need to know me. But let’s say that I am the specific reason why you are participants of this world.

Yui: (So this thing knows about this world…)

Um, why are both of us expected to be here to begin with? And where are we right now!?

Socrates: This place is a closed world created with magical power. You can imagine it like a miniature garden.

And as long as you are staying in this garden, neither of your memories were supposed to ever come back.

Subaru: As long as we’re in this garden? Does that mean...

Socrates: Exactly. If you can find a way to get out of this garden, everything will return back to its normality. The changed memory will return to their usual state as well.

However, I did indeed notice both of you had their memory returned without my interfering.

It seemed as this took place due to a sudden shock situation the both of you found yourselves in.

It could have also happened because of my extreme inadequacy. Let’s try to use this as a reference to what happened in the future.

Subaru: In the future… stop bullshitting me.

Spit it out, bastard! If you know this much, then it was you who trapped us here, right!?

What the fuck is the purpose of this entire shit anyway!?

Socrates: …..

Subaru: Tch… don’t shut up now!

*Subaru tries hitting Socrates*

Subaru: ...Nn, what… ?

Yui: Subaru-kun’s fist didn’t hit it...

Socrates: Such attacks are utterly useless. You cannot even touch me, I hope you realized that.

If you truly wish to go fight against something, go against this world itself, not me.

Subaru: Hah?

Socrates: This miniature garden is designed to break easily if it’s confronted with certain conditions.

Yui: (I’m glad to hear that. So there is a way to escape from here!)

Can you tell us about those certain conditions?

Socrates: The condition for this outcome is that one person in this garden has to sacrifice themselves for the other players.

Yui: Sacrifice… ?

Socrates: Any method for this matter will do. They merely have to end their own life.

Yui: Ending their life, you say...

Subaru: ...Don’t spread bullshit around! Are you telling us to kill ourselves here or what!?

Socrates: Not everyone has to die. In the end, only one has to sacrifice its life.

If there will be a player killing themselves instead of being killed by somebody, the experiment can no longer continue and the garden will be destroyed.

Subaru: Even so, we can’t do that!

Socrates: Well then, you should simply continue being trapped in this garden where time has stopped.

Nevertheless, it does not matter. I will now continue to watch attentively over the fate both of you will choose in the future.

*Socrates disappears*

Yui: Ah, it disappeared.

Subaru: Hey! Shit, come back!! We weren’t done talking yet!

Yui: Socrates-san! Why would you think and carry out such a cruel plan!?

Why do these brothers have to fight each other and even try to kill one another for this… ?

(We finally understand how this world works, but we can’t possibly do something as horrible as that… !)

(If nobody in this world will commit suicide, nobody will end up being saved)

(It might be ridiculous to accept what that glowing ball said without being able to question it…)

(But if there’s really no other way out here, should we really try this method… ?)

Subaru: Kch…

Yui: (Subaru-kun seems really worried about this too)

(No wonder. You can’t force someone to kill or even commit suicide to escape so suddenly like that…)

(I wonder, is there any other way we could try? There has to be a way to break free from this garden and for everyone to return there safely…)

[gummy-friend]

An AU where Wilbur and Techno are borrowers in Phil and Tommy's house

Masterlist • Next chapter

Chapter 7

Cw: language

—————

Wilbur ran

The tile has gone loose, and it revealed one of him and Techno's smaller storage rooms along with him to the human.

Wilbur ran. He ran as fast as he can, heading towards the path to their smaller corridors, because Wilbur can't be too certain if the human's hand can't fit in the storage room

"Wait!" The human exclaimed. All too familiar. This feels like a deja-vu, the only difference is the location and the volume of the human's voice. Wilbur sprinted through it all.

"I'll give back your notebook!" The human called out. Just as when Wilbur was about to enter the corridor, Wilbur stopped, feeling intrigued, but doesn't turn around. Because why the fuck is the human going to give the book now? It's a bait. It has to be

"Here— wait a sec" and Wilbur was about to leave, not even bothered to wait for the human. But was proven to be unachievable, as the human really took seconds— Wilbur's pretty sure it's a two seconds interval, even. "Your book." the human's voice behind him echoed, and Wilbur turned around. And he quickly regrets doing so.

The sight terrifies him. The fairly-small opening(from the human's perspective) acted as a frame for the human's massive hand— the sight alone made Wilbur gave his past self internal claps for not freaking out when working with Phil— and his notebook is right outside of the opening. Meaning he have to be exposed to the human. He repressed a shudder from the thought alone.

Wilbur took a shaky breath, trying to calm himself down. His voice shouldn't be shaky, he shouldn't look scared "Put the book in the opening!" He yelled out.

"Well, no" the human replied lightly.

"Why?" why not? just slide the fucking thing in he adds internally

"We made a deal, big man" The human answered, and Wilbur doesn't know if the "big man" phrase was used to mock him or not "Either you come reveal yourself and ask for the book yourself, or you answer my question." the human started "And since you've technically revealed yourself, all you gotta do is take the book yourself"

Well that's fucking stupid.

"A deal is a deal, and I won't try to hurt you or some shit, don't worry" the human's hands shifted, now not visible through the opening. And Wilbur honestly don't know if that's a good or bad thing— because he doesn't feel all that anxious anymore now the hands are out of the way. But that also mean he doesn't know where the hands are. For all he know the human's hand may be above the opening, preparing to catch him.

"So are you coming out or no? If not, I'll take the book, you know" the human's voice echoed, maybe impatient maybe curious, Wilbur doesn't want to fucking know.

But he do know that he doesn't have any fucking choice, does he?

With a "Fuck it" grumbled in his mouth, Wilbur stomped through the entire room. And when he reached the opening, he instictively gulped. because damn looking up was not a good idea

This is the second time Wilbur had been so close to a human in his life— the first one being Phil— but that time was different, Phil is nice. This is the second time Wilbur had been so close to a human, and looking at the practically wall in front of him, Wilbur froze.

The human literally towers over him. Not to mention even the human's hands— that is right beside the opening's exit on both sides— that can oh so easily trap him in their grasps... Wilbur unconsciously shuddered at that thought.

The previous annoyance gone, Wilbur meekly stepped out of the shade that the wall gave him, and damn that felt fucking weird. His body was exposed to the air and the human's gaze, and even though Wilbur did not dare to look up at the human's face, he can feel the human's anticipation and excitement when he sees him. Oh fuck it felt weird.

Wilbur snapped out of his thought— damn he froze multiple times today, fuckin' hell— and continued walking, with each steps placed carefully— like there's some sort of trap will set off if he walked the wrong way.

When Wilbur reached the book, he tried stopping himself from looking up, but he failed. Wilbur was expecting to see a face of annoyance— maybe even a bored or a smug look— but to Wilbur's surprise he's looking at a face of awe from a smiling human Wilbur thought he had seen sparkles in the human's eyes. That was a weird feeling, by the way, being stared at so intently. Besides that, Wilbur also looked at the human's hands beside him, and they both remained unmoving— just like when he was walking towards the book.

Huh. He stuck to his words.

This is the second time Wilbur had looked at a human's face from up close, and both times are a really contradicting experience from the stories he had been told.

The stories he had read and told tells him humans are cruel— they will not help those who are different from them. The stories he had read and told tells him that humans are liars— lying in the way that will hurt others for their own sake. And the stories Wilbur had read and told tells him that if he was found by a human, he will not escape.

But here he is. Free after getting found and being helped by a human, and before him a human who stuck to his words stands tall.

So Wilbur asked.

"Are you nice?"

ｏｏｏ

If Tommy was asked if he's nice, he'll answer that of course he fucking is. He thinks everyone will answer that too. Because who the fuck thinks they're a bad person?

But being asked that out loud and in that careful and scared tone, Tommy finds himself wondering about it. Is he nice?

Well now he doesn't fucking know that himself

And so Tommy sat down— ignoring how the tiny immensely flinched— finally having to look at the tiny without looking down, "I dunno, big man. Am I?" he breathed out. Feeling more... concerned than anything, really. To which the tiny responds with a dumbfounded look. "Do you think I'm nice?"

For a few seconds, both Tommy and the tiny held a staring contest. Not knowing what to say themselves— the tiny looked deep in thought though.

"I do." The tiny finally said, breaking up both the silence and the staring contest. Tommy blinked. "You stayed true to your words, and you haven't done anything bad yet to me. So I think you're nice"

"Well that answers that, innit?" Tommy sighed. The tiny looked at him with a new type of realization. Like Tommy just said the most useful knowledge there is to mankind. "I think I'm a fucking nice person, sure, but if the person who asked doesn't fucking think so, then I'll just look like a shit person"

"O-Oh.." The tiny said, letting his voice waver rather than the strained bravery Tommy had heard earlier. "So you're not going to hurt..." the tiny paused "Us. You're not going to hurt us, right?"

"Well, yea" Tommy said, noticing the drooping shoulders from the tiny "Unless the two of you are assholes." Tommy supplied. Receiving a slight shock and a laugh from the tiny. Similar to the one that revealed the tiny. "I'm Tommy." He said, holding out his hands for a handshake— or a finger-hand-shake— to the tiny.

"I—" The tiny cuts himself, taking a step back from the hand, hesitating.

"You don't have to tell me your name, I just think that it'd be a nice time to introduce myself" Tommy added, noticing the pale look from the tiny. Tommy still held his hand to him, though.

"...Wilbur" He finishes, taking a deep breath as he accept the finger-hand-shake.

Tiny hands shook againts massive finger, and Tommy smiled

"Already knew your name though" The tiny— Wilbur adds, grinning.

"Okay dickhead."

They both laughed.

[dekus-afro-pic]

Smile For The Camera

Dabi x Fem!Reader x Hawks

⚠️ warning ⚠️: This fic includes the use of Dabi and Hawks real name which are spoilers to the manga. This fic also includes non-con sex with Endeavor, murder, crying, SWEET SWEET REVENGE, and Villan Hawks

Summary: After months of being held captive by the number one “hero” you finally snap. When you reunite with your childhood friends, whom you thought were dead, your opportunity for revenge is brought to you ona silver plater. Art by @brttpaige

Burns and bruises littered your body and the man on top of you was to blame. You scratch at the hand that was around your throat as you felt yourself losing oxygen. The “hero” slaps your hands away and strikes your face as he continued to thrust into you.

“Just take it,” He grunts above you “Give me what I want”

Tears were no longer streaming down your face but that didn’t stop you from wailing in pain as his hips met yours. You refused to look into his eyes when he hurt you this way. Knowing that if you did, he’d only go harder. You didn’t want this at all. How could he not see that? You didn’t expect your close friend’s father to be such a…monster.

How could you not know y/n? He killed his own son for Christ's sake. And soon, he’d kill you too.

After Endeavor finishes his load inside of your womb, he zips up his pants and leaves. You laid there, in the bed of an apartment that he kept you captive in, and shuddered. You knew two things for certain.

You are not going to bear his child and you were going to kill Enji Todoroki.

You crawl towards the nightstand and pull out a plan-b from beneath it. After swallowing the pill dry, you make your way to the bathroom to tend to your injuries and cleanse yourself of that monster.

Unbeknownst to you, someone watched the whole ordeal take place. Dabi’s blood was boiling. How the fuck could the number one “hero” be capable of such actions. But then again, heroes weren’t all that they seemed. His chest tightened as he watched you use your water quirk to heal your bruises. You shouldn’t be going through this. You should be out there getting rid of villains like his “father”. He knew he had to get you out of there. He pulls out his phone to inform the others of his plan. But for it to succeed, you were going to have to make the first move.

And that you did. Once your body was back to an ok state, you start packing everything you could. Your toothbrush, clean clothes, the little food you had in the beat down apartment, 2000¥ ($20 USD) you stole from your abuser, and your only second pair of shoes. You were on a mission to get out of there as fast as you could.

It was a Friday night, meaning that Endeavor was out playing pretend with his family. The looks on their faces once you reveal his secrets were ones that you want to cherish forever. You couldn’t wait until the world finally knew who it was idolizing.

You wasted no time opening the bedroom window and sprinting down the fire escape stairs. You held the duffel bag close to your body as you ran down the dark alleyway. You were free. You were finally free.

After running for what felt like 20 minutes you finally stop to give your aching lungs and legs a break. You didn’t know where your legs had taken you but from the looks of it, you were farther away from the apartment than you had imagined. You weren’t complaining though. The farther away you were from that wretched man the better.

You sat in a quiet alleyway for some time. You reach into your bag for a water bottle as you pressed your back against the brick wall. When you looked back up from your bag three men were standing on the opposite side of the alleyway. As the men inch closer to you, you realize that there weren’t three men. It was one man with gigantic wings.

“Hey kid. I know this might sound crazy but” He said grabbing you and your bag with both his hands “You’re a package I need to deliver.”

“What the fuck let me go” you struggle against the stranger's hold. Your actions are stopped as he rose in the air. You cling to his chest for dear life hoping he wouldn’t drop you.

“Where the fuck are you taking me bird brain?” You yell against the roaring winds. He didn’t answer you, he only smiled as you continue to spew curses at him. “I swear when you land I’m going to DROWN you”

Finally, he lands in front of a relatively big house in the woods. Once his feet touch the ground you use the water in his body to make him punch himself. Before you could swing at him with your fist, his feathers lifted you off the ground and carried you into the house.

“Hawks is back” you heard a girl squeal “And he brought her too.”

Hawks’ feather dropped you on your bum as the man walks off. The girl from before comes into your line of eyesight and smiles. She had blonde hair which was tied into pigtails and her canines were long.

“Hi I’m Toga” She introduced, holding out her hand to help you up. “The birdie who flew you in is Hawks, he’s Dabi’s boyfriend. Welcome to the new and improved League of Villains super-secret hideout. Don’t tell anyone though. Or I’ll have to kill you”

“Y/n” you reply as you take her hand. “Why am I here? I’m no villain.” At least not yet you weren’t.

“Dabi has told us all about you. Which is why you’re here. He should be around here somewhere” She wonders off. You hear her yell “DABI” Before she returns with Hawks and another man, who you assumed was Dabi. You flick your middle finger at the birdman as he walked closer to you.

“Aww don’t be like that kid. I was only trying to help” He said with a smile. With the proper lighting in the house, you got a proper look at the man. His wings were a bright crimson color and his blonde hair was done messily. He had a long scratch from above his right eyebrow down to the middle of his cheek. Overall the man looked familiar.

Damn this man is gorgeous. If he didn’t have a boyfriend I’d want a piece of that.

You flinched when you feel his hand touch your shoulder. On the defense, you twist his arm behind his back and push him away from you. When you realize what you’ve done you quickly apologize “Oh shit. I’m so sorry I didn’t mean-”

“No it’s fine” He reassured with a smile “it’s obvious that you're on edge. I shouldn’t have done that”

“Yea...on edge” you turn to the other man. His eyes were bright blue and the majority of his skin was covered in burn scars. Staples pierced his skin in various places. “You must be Dabi”

“Correct. But you can call me Touya”

“Tou-?”

“Follow me” He interrupts. You follow the couple down the hallway. You passed multiple rooms. In one room, a man with visible dry skin sat in front of a medium-sized tv with a game controller in hand. Maybe he’d let you relieve him one day.

“I’ve been watching you Y/n” Touya begins “I’ve seen the things that man has done to you”

You stopped in front of a brown door. Hawks stepped in front of you with a softer look.

“You’re going to get your revenge little birdie. But for now,” Hawks opened the door to the room. It was gorgeous, to say the least. A queen-sized bed was centered in the room with the smell of vanilla faint in the air. “You’re going to relax”

You dropped your duffel bag as you slowly walked through the threshold. You make your way to the bed with tears blurring your vision. Hawks place your bag on a vacant chair while Touya makes his way towards you.

“So you’ve been in hiding this whole time?” You question the man standing in front of you.

“Yeah pretty much” he nods, rubbing the back of his neck “I was supposed to come back for you but you went off the grid. Now I know why”

“Where’s Keigo?” You ask.

“What did that monster do to you?” The blonde reaches out to caress your face but you flinch away. “I’m Keigo, Y/n”

“Some friend reunion we have here” You joke.

When you realize that you were indeed not captivated in some beat down apartment panic sunk in. What if he finds you? What if he’s already sent out people to look for you? What if these were the people he sent out?

“Hey” A single feather lifts your head to look at both of them “Don’t worry your pretty little head. He won’t find you here. And if somehow he does...we’ll just kill him”

Dabi nods his head in agreement. You wrap your arms around both of their bodies with tears running down your face. Keigo leaned into your touch while Dabi just pats your head stiffly.

They tell you to adjust to your new room and get cleaned up as they leave your room. Once Keigo closes your door, he buries his face into his hands.

“Did you see her arms and legs Touya?” He sobs, “She looks like she hasn’t eaten in days”

Dabi places his hand on his lover’s back, guiding him to their shared room. “Don’t cry Keigo. We’ve successfully finished phase one of the plan. We need to get ready for phase two”

———————————

“Ok you two. What’s going on?” You ask your two best friends.

“It’s a surprise y/n, we can’t tell you” The blonde laughs as Touya guided you through the wooded area. The white blindfold did its job at hiding the world from your view. You felt the boy to your right stop walking as the other untied the white cloth.

The view before you was breathtaking. “Happy Birthday Y/N” frosted onto a small cake with balloons tied to tree branches.

“Guys you shouldn’t have” You giggle.

“You’re our best friend Y/N. You’re going to have to get used to celebrating your birthday” Touya scolded.

Little did the three of you know, that was going to be the last time you would be together.

The scene started to change. The woods were engulfed in bright flames, screams were heard in the distance.

“KEIGO!” you scream. “TOUYA!WHERE ARE YOU?”

The smoke covered everything around you. You choked on the thick smoke as you tried to avoid the flames. You scream louder for your friends. But you never found them. You trip and fall over a fallen tree branch. You look up and see your abuser standing over you.

You try to crawl away from him but he catches you by your hair.

“No. Please” you cry. “TOUYA! KEIGO PLEASE HELP”

“Y/n. You can’t escape me” He growls in your ear.

Just seconds before he could throw you against the burning tree, your eyes shoot open as you send icicles flying everywhere. You scream as you feel hands grabbing your own. Your eyesight still blurry from waking up, you swing at the person in front of you. “LET GO. LET GO! GET OFF ME. KEIGO, TOUYA HELP ME”

“Y/n calm down it’s me. It’s Keigo” The blonde whispers. Your eyes frantically search for his. Your body shakes while you sob as you held Keigo’s face in your hands.

“Keigo, where were you? Keigo don’t let him get me please don’t let him get me” You choke out, “I don’t want to go back please don’t send me back. Don’t leave me again, please.”

“He won’t find you baby bird” He cooed. He places your head on his chest as he rubs your hair soothingly. “I’m here now. I’m not leaving again” He stays true to his word and drifts back to sleep with you in his arms.

Touya woke up to an empty bed. Confused, he brushed his teeth and went to check up on you. When he opens your room door he finds you asleep on top of his boyfriend’s chest. His boyfriend, on the other hand, was wide awake. He looks over at the door when he heard the floorboards creak.

“Shh. She had a rough night” He whispers.

“What happened?”

“Night Terror about him. She was screaming our names so I came in to check on her. She almost cut me with an icicle.” Keigo explains.

Touya slides underneath your cover on the other side of you. You stir at the sudden movement which causes Keigo to stop breathing.

“Goodmorning Keigo” you groan, rubbing the sleep from your eyes “and Touya”

“Goodmorning little one” the latter replied, “how are you feeling?”

“Tense” You yawn. You wiggle out of Keigo’s hold and walk towards your duffel bag. “Where’s the bathroom? I’m going to uh..take a shower”

“Across the hall”

You say a quiet thank you and exit your room. The couple let out breaths that they didn’t know they were holding when they hear the shower starts.

“We have to do something. And quick” Keigo whispers “Did Toga and Shigaraki already leave?”

“Yea. They should be back later tonight with our special guest. But for now, we need to calm down y/n”

The water dripped off of your skin as you stepped out of the steamy shower. After drying off, putting on clean clothes, and brushing your teeth, you walk back across the hall to your bedroom. Before you could sit back down on your bed, Keigo’s there with his hand stretched out for you to take.

“Hey, there birdie. Come with me” he says.

You take his hand and followed behind the blonde. He brings you to the kitchen, where a tall shadow man was making lunch.

“Hello young y/n” He spoke “I’m Kurogiri”

“Nice to meet you” You smile faintly. “Keigo I’m not hu-“

“Yes you are y/n” Touya scolds from behind you. “You haven’t eaten since I don’t know when. At least eat the seaweed out of it”

He pulls the chair out for you to sit and sits directly across from you. Keigo takes the seat on side of you as Kurogiri places your bowls in front of you.

“Shoyu Ramen?” You inhale the steam coming from the bowl. It smelled delicious. How long has it been since you had this?

“You always ate this after training and I suspect that you hadn’t eaten a proper meal in-“ Touya was cut off by your loud slurping “years”

“Stalker” You laugh before stuffing your face with more ramen. “So how long have you been watching me?”

“Well, we’ve been looking for you since we turned 20” Keigo answers. “Touya here found you just last week”

Your response was a loud hum as you drank the broth of your meal. You couldn’t help the satisfied sigh that escaped through your lips. The food was just that good.

“I’m kind of grateful that you abducted me when you did. I’d probably still be sitting in that alleyway.”

“Y/n if you don’t mind me asking” Touya begins “How long has he been..”

“6 months” You sigh, “I was dropping Shoto off at home one night and that’s when he took me to the apartment. I had no contact with the outside world. No tv, no phone, not even a god damn newspaper” You felt your quirk activate, causing the water in the glasses before you to boil. “I swear, the next time I see him I’m going to boil the skin off of him”

“Whoa there princess” Keigo uses one of his feathers to rub at your thigh to calm you down. You relax at his touch and bring the raging water to a stop. You grab Keigo’s hand in an attempt to regulate your breathing.

“So what’s the plan?” You ask, “I know you two are up to something”

“It’s a surprise” Touya smirks “you’ll find out after dinner.”

You spent your day sandwiched between the two men in your new bed watching movies, catching up, and enjoying each other’s company. It was strange how you didn’t feel like a complete third wheel. Instead, you felt like you were apart of the relationship and you were happy. You can’t even remember the last time you had a good time like this.

At last, it was dinner time. The two left your room minutes prior to “prepare your surprise” in Keigo’s words. You decided to change your clothes while you waited for the ok to come down. Just as you finished up, one of Keigo’s feathers tapped your shoulder.

You were greeted with blue and yellow eyes when you entered the dining room. Feathers pulled out your chair while the others sat down in their seats.

Fish, rice bowls, and other foods were placed on the table. You ate in silence, mainly because you didn’t want to choke, while the others talked amongst themselves.

“Y/n-Chan” Toga whined “Why are you so quiet over there?”

“The food is so good,” you say after swallowing a mouth full of rice, “I want to eat as much as possible”

Kurogiri nods in your direction at the compliment. Dinner goes on with Dabi and Shigaraki arguing over who’s the strongest and You and Keigo exchanging flirty glances and middle fingers.

“Hey Y/n, Trynna steal my boyfriend?” Touya teases.

“You’re going to have to share Mr. Blueflame” you tease back. Everybody laughs as you two keep going back and forth.

“Alright Alright. Dinners over. Time for your surprise Y/n” Touya announced.

Everybody looked at you with sinister smirks as Keigo helped you out of your seat. You were led to the basement where two seats were on opposite sides of the room with a camera in the middle.

You sat in the chair closest to the door and watched Touya and Shigi bring in someone in handcuffs with a trash bag over their head.

“Guys what’s going…” you stopped talking when Shigaraki dusts the bag off the person’s head. But it wasn’t a person, no.

It was him. The monster that kept you captive for months. The monster that stripped you of your innocence and ruined your life plans. You felt your blood begin to boil as you stood out of your chair.

“Y/n?” The older man groaned. Touya punched him in his jaw before he could speak again.

“Don’t you dare say her fucking name” He spat. He then turned to you with soft(ish) eyes. “Don’t worry. The cuffs are quirk canceling”

“Do your worst baby bird” Keigo whispered into your ear.

You motioned for everyone to move out of the way as you walked towards your new captive. “Remember this face in your next life” You whisper.

You boiled the water in his body and smiled at the bubbles visibly forming on the surface of his skin. As the man before you screams in pain, you walk towards the camera that was recording the whole thing.

“Smile for the camera Enji. Why don’t you tell little Shoto where’d you take me all those months ago. Why I could no longer pick him up from school on Fridays” You toy with the corpse. You watched as blood began to seep through his skin “You’ve always told me to give you what you want. This time it is you who will give me what I want”

“Hey Dabi” Keigo whispered “Is it just me or is Y/N kinda hot when she’s committing murder”

The ravenette nodded at his boyfriend’s statement. You were indeed hot as hell murdering his father. Your abuser. He froze, just as he was about to add a comment, when you spun the camera around to face him and Keigo.

“Say hi Dabi” You smile at the two. “Hi Hawks”

“You’ve officially lost it baby bird”

“I agree. Crazy looks good on you” Touya adds.

You turn the camera off and hand it to Kurogiri. You walk over to the couple with a pout on your face “He’s dead now. My fun’s over”

“Oh no no no” Touya teasingly pulled you into his chest by your waist “The fun is just beginning. Right, Keigo?”

Keigo pushes his groin against your ass and nibbles on your earlobe.“That’s right babe” he whispered “We’re going to help you reclaim what’s yours”

——————-——————

A/n: So there’s smut to this fic😭 but I won’t post it unless this does good. Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR.

[iguessilovebakugou]

In Search of Silver Linings, We Discovered Gold ||  Bakugou x Fem!Reader (x Shinsou) ||  Happier pt 3 ||  Series

I really feel like Sleeping At Last’s “Two” resonates with Shinsou in this one.  But also for the Reader towards Bakugou just like...in general.  Also, I would suggest Gang of Youth’s “Achilles, Come Down” as well. And Lauren Aquilina’s “Fools”. 

One day I’m going to make a playlist for this fucking series - and then you bitches will be sorry.  

I’m sorry it took so long to get this part out.  I feel like nothing I would write would live up to what I did 2 years ago now.  So I really hope that people like this one just as much as the others. 

Part One!  Part Two!

Word Count:  7.7K TW:  Smooching, Death Mention

“Hey, you okay?”

It should be so easy to explain to them what you were feeling.  They where there with you.  They went through the same thing you had, right?  You were right there with Ochaco, sat right by her side and watched her tell Mr. Aizawa...you should be able to just...

“Yeah,”  You offered Asui a bright smile.  “Just...tired.  These make up classes are just...they’re really killer, you know?”

The dorm had been quiet by the time the raid team had made their way home from their extra classes. Everyone had already gone to bed, the common area devoid of life by the time you had settled on the couches. And you were happy for it.  Ever since...well, it had been a bit harder to be around everyone.  It was hard to come to terms with the fact that after everything that had happened, happened.  And you were supposed to just...move on from it.  Keep going forward.  No time to process.

You pulled out your phone to check your messages.  You had hoped Shinsou would have at least texted you - but you had been left on read.  You tried not to be upset about it and instead, pretended to go to another app and check your messages there.  You even got comfortable and put an arm behind your head - yep, perfectly relaxed and not at all wanting to break down on the inside.  

Tsu’s big bright eyes stared down at you.  You wondered if she felt the same - if Kirishima, Izuku or Ochaco felt the same.  You wondered if sometimes, during class, they just lifted their heads, looked around at your classmates and felt...so out of place.  The only way you could describe it was like stumbling in the middle of a skit being performed in the middle of a park, and no one seemed to quite realize you weren’t actually an extra.

But you didn’t want to run the risk of looking at her.  If she looked at you, she might realize that you hadn’t come to terms with what happened - with Nighteye, Lemillion, with that poor girl, Eri.  And that wouldn’t do.  That might lead into her asking what was wrong.  And what were you supposed to do then?  Answer her honestly?  Come to terms with your feelings like a rational, level headed adult?

You?  Nah. Never.

“Yeah, you’re right.”  Once you were certain her back was towards you, you risked a glance in her direction.  

Your body ached, your eyes were sore, and your mind felt blank but busy at the same time.  You weren’t sure where to begin with everything, where to start with trying to catch up.  But this had become your norm, and as sad as it was, it felt like your body was accommodating to the drama that had become commonplace in your life.  You watched as she met Ochaco at the base of the steps leading up to the rooms.  She seemed surprised when you didn’t move to join them, turning to give you a concerned glance and a lip pout - for extra measure.  

You smiled, lifting up your phone and giving it a little wave.  “I think I’m just going to hang out down here before heading to bed.”

“Oh,”  She muttered softly.  “Okay, if you’re sure?”

You knew she wasn’t buying the act - whatever it was - in the slightest.  You knew Nighteye’s death hit her hard.  A lot harder than you.  As it should have - you had tried to use your quirk to defend her and Nighteye, only to be overpowered and rendered unconscious when it mattered most so you weren’t technically cognizant when she had made her getaway.  But it must have been terrible, holding a man in your arms as he died.   And yet here you are moping about it.  What gives you the right?

“Yeah, I’m sure.”  Another smile, this time a little wider.  “Got some videos to watch, don’t want to run the risk of waking anyone up.”

You turned, ending the conversation there.  You stared at your phone, sitting on the home screen and not bothering to look back once you heard them make the ascent up the stairs to their respective rooms.  It had been getting harder and harder to sleep these past few days and you couldn’t spend another restless night staring at the same four walls anymore.  Watching the same videos, rereading the same texts, you would go insane.  With an exasperated sigh, you tossed your phone to the side.  Hands found your face, fingers rubbing your eyes while reclining back, letting out a slow, low groan.

The lights in the common room were dim, just enough to find your way in case you stumbled down here in the middle of the night.  It was a small comfort, you figured to yourself, to have this moment alone.  To sit in the quiet and listen to the sounds of your friends around you, of the dorm settling snuggly down for another night’s rest.  And there you were, sitting by yourself in the common room.  Trying to decide if you were still mourning for a man you spoke to maybe a handful of times before you watched him get impaled on a spike or if you were ready to move on from it all.  Your head fell back limply against the edge of the couch, staring up at the ceiling as you tried to push any semblance of thought from your mind.  You just needed this one minute, one second for your entire world to just...stop running away from you.

If I could just get to him in time, maybe I could, I could help.  I could save him and be a hero and...

God, how dramatic could you get.  At least you hadn’t held the man in your arms as he lay dying.

With a sigh, you sat yourself back up and went back to your messages, pulling up the chat with Shinsou.  You hoped he was free.  Maybe even free enough to talk.  The empty feeling finding home in your chest was becoming too much.  You could use him, right now.  Maybe you could convince him to leave and come over.  You could watch a movie and just talk until you passed out.

Like friends did.

And if he was there, maybe it would so much easier to stay asleep. 

Hey.  We just got home.  Hope you’re...

Nope, delete.  Didn’t sound right.  

Hey!  You free right now?  I can’t sleep so

Nope, too eager.  

Shinsou, you loser get your ass over here

Nothing was coming out the way you wanted it to.  Nothing had ever sounded right.  You had so many things you wanted to say and yet never seemed to have the energy for it anymore.  Is this depression?  Do you have depression?  Do people who have depression know they have depression without being diagnosed with depression?  

You bit your lip, chewed on it until it grew sore and red and angry.  You needed your friend.  Your best friend.  Your only friend.  You missed hanging out with him, missed being able to text him weird shit and get a selfie of him looking bored at the camera just cause he knew it would make you laugh.  Cause you knew the weird shit you sent him made him laugh.  You wanted to see his face, to hear his voice.  You wanted it to go back before the dorms, back before whatever extra curricular thing he was doing.  But it wasn’t like he was doing this on purpose!  He was busy and you were just being fucking dramatic and needlessly stupid you didn’t even see Nighteye die but Deku did and he is holding himself together so much better and you would be okay if...if...

Why were you fucking crying now???????

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

“Hey.”

Given the recent events in your life, his gruff voice shattering the quiet of your isolation should have been expected.  Nevertheless, it still sent your heart skyrocketing into your throat.  You thought everyone had gone to bed and you could be a miserable wretch on your own time.  You jumped, sending your phone clattering to the ground and sliding under the coffee table.  The giant...granite...coffee table.  “Ah, shit, shit...”  You fell to your knees, trying to make a grab for it.  “Damn it, damn it, damn it.”

“I thought I would find you down here.”

Shinsou had hardly heard from you since the night you got back from the raid.  He had seen the news that something had happened.  When you didn’t answer his morning text, he just hoped you were just being your normal self.  When you didn’t show up at lunch, he feared the worst.  He paced his room, hardly ate, did nothing but refresh his news feed to see if your name flashed by as a causality.  He figured no news was good news but waiting to hear from you was the hardest thing he ever had to do.  And the fact you hadn’t told him you were going in the first place and had to find out about it by overhearing one of your classmates mention it?

Ample payback it seemed.  Secrets had become your duo’s new norm - and he hated it. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We were told not to say anything to anyone.  I’m sorry, Shinsou.”

Your voice had sounded so off, so different in what little words you spoke.  Silence had never been so poignant until he experienced it from you.  As he laid in bed and stared at the phone on his pillow, his heart broke with each toss and turn he could hear from you.  He sat quietly, for that whole 2 hours as you tried to make sense of what you had just been through that day.  But you never said more than a few words and, even so, those were just a mask to hide the rest of the truth you wanted to keep hidden.  He listened, patiently, as you tried to place it all in order so you could begin to move past it.  

He hoped he had helped - in what little way he could.  In what minute way you had allowed him.  You were closing off and he so desperately wanted to cry out for you.  But he stayed quiet.  

And he felt entirely useless. 

He didn’t know exactly what happened; only what little information he had heard from Mr. Aizawa and even that had been bits and pieces.  Confidential, he said.  Bullshit, Shinsou thought.  If he was going to try to begin to figure out a solution to...whatever it was that plagued you, to lift your spirits, he needed to know exactly what happened.  But, when Shinsou had asked if you had been involved, if you were alright...?

“You’re friends with her, right?  She didn’t really seem to want to talk about it when I asked her after the fact.  But I figure that’s just because I’m her teacher.  Maybe you should be the one to check in on her instead.  She might actually open up to you.”

Open up to him.  

And that was the problem wasn’t it?  Something that always seemed to stand right between the two of you, pushing you in separate directions - opening up to each other.  It was a thought that occurred to him as he watched you spin your spoon around in your soup, but refused to eat.  The two of you had no problems talking, especially you.  You talked a lot, and he...didn’t.  You suited him fine.  More than fine.  

But what is talking if you’re not saying anything?  What was the point of being friends if you couldn’t even rely on each other to keep a secret, to lean on each other when everything seemed so fucking terrible.  Had he done you a disservice, hiding things from you?  Had he given you the impression that you couldn’t come to him for something so small as a crush on...ah, for something really small?  Had you transitioned from “don’t want to bother him with something silly” to “I can’t talk to him anymore period”?

Shinsou had always been the more straightforward one.  Where you seemed to be an endless supply of needless conversation and seemed to always dance around subjects, Shinsou was the one who could give it to you as plainly as possible.  And you knew that.  You knew him better than anyone, could understand him better than anyone.  

So when he didn’t give it to you as honestly, as plainly as he could have, it would stand to reason that you would be sent tumbling.

Shinsou - I really miss you and I don’t want to be alone right now but I don’t know what to do I just wish you were here

The text had come as a surprise.  Shinsou had been trying to sleep, but it was a rare commodity those days.  His mind swirled with thoughts of you.  Of how much he missed just you.  Your laugh, your stupid jokes.  Everything was starting to feel so hollow when he heard that soft ding from across the room.  To say he scrambled towards his desk where the phone lay charging was an understatement.  

I really miss you.

You were screaming for him and he hadn’t heard it.  You were sinking further and further and yet here he was, wondering and waiting for some sort of sign on what to do.  How he could fix it - but later.  He’s not strong enough now.  He’s not ready.  After he’s done with Aizawa.  After he’s a hero.  After after after.  Always cautious, always testing the waters.  

I just wish you were here.

You never waited, never paused, never hesitated.  When Bakugou was kidnapped, you rushed home and came up with a plan of action.  When you wanted to talk to him, you marched from your dorms, almost got into a fist fight, just to talk.  You were reckless in all the best ways.  In all the ways that made him want to scream, to touch you, to praise you, to love...to love you.

“I would be able to sleep if you answered your phone once in a while.”

He gripped his phone and hated that he had to draw one hand up to wipe his eyes.  Hated that his chest ached and hated that you even had to ask him.

“I wish you would have answered me.”

No more.  You would never have to ask him again.

He couldn’t pull his shoes on fast enough.  Before Shinsou could stop, rethink if this was a good idea, he was outside and making his way towards your dorm.  If he couldn’t help you now, when you needed it the most, when you were asking for him to pull you out from the waters...

His heart didn’t have the right to ache for you as much as it did. 

The two of you had done this so many times, Bakugou was surprised that you weren’t in the kitchen when he finally got down stairs.  The moment he got to the ground floor and saw you hunched over on the couch, his body froze.  

He had been hoping to have a bit more time to think of what he wanted to say.

“Is it just me, or has she not been the same since coming back from the raid?”

“No, I noticed it too.”

“Should we ask her about it?”

The frog grew quiet for a moment.  Bakugou had to strain to hear her response from down the hall.  “I think she’ll open up when she’s ready.”  She said softly.  “If we try to push the issue before then, it might just make matters worse.”

“Yeah,”  Uraraka responded, “I guess you’re right.  Still...I’m just worried.”

Worried.  For you.  

He didn’t want to think about why he was down in the commons, so late at night.  He didn’t want to acknowledge the fact that seeing your shaking shoulders, hearing the fast gasps you were making, ripped his very state of being apart.  He watched you, eyes narrowed.

He didn’t like it.  He didn’t like that you were in this state at all.

“Hey.”

He expected you to jump - it was a good thing that you did.  He would drag you out of whatever rut you were in, kicking and screaming if he had to.  

You got to your knees, cursing under your breath and scrambling for whatever you had been holding.  Probably your phone.  Bakugou stepped around the couch, shoving his hands in his pockets.  “Figured I would find you down here.”

You didn’t pay him any attention.  In fact, as you tried to reach under the coffee table, you kept your head turned - enough to where he couldn’t see your face.  You kept cursing, kept trying to reach desperately.  He watched you for a moment, feeling the frustration rise up inside of him.  You were ignoring him.  Like he wasn’t even there.  Like he wasn’t standing in front of you.

“Hey!”

“SHHH!”  You snapped to attention, pressing a finger to your lips.  He tried not to stare for too long.  “Do you want to wake the whole dorm!?”

“You should be in bed.”

Your stare lingered on him, for just a moment.  He refused to break eye contact first, refused to back down from the daggers you were sending his way.  You let out a huff, going back to searching for whatever it was that you had dropped.  “Couldn’t sleep.”

Bullshit.  He could tell.  It was a fact that he didn’t like to pay much attention to: tiny mannerisms that caught onto his attention like a hook.  You generally were so bright, hardly ever short.  Low energy, but not tired?  Sure.

He waited another minute.  “The others just got home.”

The slight pause.  Heh - you were like a book.  So easy to read.  “Oh.”  You said so matter-of-factly.  In another beat, you were back to searching, still focusing your gaze on the far side of the wall.  “Yeah, I guess.”

“So unless you got sent back early, I doubt you’ve even had a chance to try and sleep.”

Your fingers clenched, your fist shaking against the granite top.  Your body pulled up and away, resting in a rigid position.  But you were still refusing to look at him; in fact, to ensure that he wouldn’t be able to see anything,  you put your face in your hand.  Still, you didn’t say a word, didn’t argue with him.  So he continued:  “I’m just saying, if you’re going to lie, at least keep track who you tell what.”

You didn’t respond.  And he wished it didn’t make him as angry as it did.  He wished that he had been able to stop the rage that bubbled in his stomach.  But he couldn’t.  He didn’t want you to hide anything from him.  He wanted you to feel comfortable telling him when something was hurting you.  After he laid it all bare for you a few weeks ago, you couldn’t be bothered to at least confide in him what the hell was going on in your tiny little world?

“...tch.”  Bakugou fingers slid under the edge of the coffee table.  “Grab the other side.”

You paused, turning to stare at him.  His eyes met yours and he saw so clearly how blood shot they were, your cheeks blotchy and burning.  You sniffled once, pushing a strand of hair back into place.  “Uh...wha?”

“Do you want your crap or not!?”

“Oh, yeah, uh...”  You pushed yourself up.  His eyes followed you as you stationed yourself on the other side like instructed.  “On three.  One-”

He didn’t bother waiting.  Up he lifted and you scrambled to meet him half way.

Just a little to the side - and the bright screen of your phone illuminated the living room.  It was closest to him, causing him to flinch just slightly when the glow blinded him.  He moved to grab it for you -

Before Bakugou could realize what was happening, your fingers brushed against his.  You both paused, your digits flinching away from him every so slightly.  He didn’t know if he should continue making the grab for it or if he should pull away.  He didn’t want to.  Your skin was so soft and warm and...

He could feel your eyes on him and almost was able keep his gaze away.  Almost able to hold off temptation.  But you were like that, weren’t you?  The light had dimmed, casting a soft glow over your features.  He wanted to look anywhere else - anywhere but at you.  But your eyes held his, demanded that he hold your attention.  He hated the soft sound that escaped him.  Hated the way his heart hammered in his chest as you stared at each other, fingers still touching ever so slightly.  

He shouldn’t feel this way about you.  But he did.

Bakugou pulled back with a grunt.  He could feel your eyes follow him as he stood back up and stepped away, away from you.  Why did you do this to him?  Why did you manage to make him the worst of himself?  Lord Explosion Murder - reduced to a sniveling little puppy, eager to please because a girl he kind of thinks is pretty sometimes makes him feel like he’s going to throw up.  

His fingers shook.  He shoved them back in his pockets to hide the evidence.

You plucked the phone off the ground and immediately hit the lock screen to turn the light off.  You were once against standing alone in the dark, though he could see you plainly.  Neither of you said a word.  He wished he could say something, not scream it but just say it.  His mind strained to find something meaningful to say to you, something catching or just enough to keep you distracted from your thoughts.  But you had the knack for words - he didn’t.  All he could do was leer at you, waiting for you to start conversation.  You always had something to say.  

You silently slipped your phone in the pocket of your skirt.  

There was something different about you.  A wall that was keeping you from him.  Maybe the girls’ concern for you had weight behind it.  You still didn’t look at him, eyes downcast.

He had hoped, that night in the kitchen, that things might have been different.  That maybe...someday...

“You got your damn phone.  Now go to bed.”  He turned on his heels and made his way back towards the stairs.  He was done.  He helped you out enough.  

Sometimes you were too much.  Messed with his head and pulled his mind in so many different directions, he forgot which way was up because right there with you was where he wanted to be. 

“Why do you want to be a hero?”

Your voice cut through the silence of the dorm like a knife.  He hadn’t expected you to speak up now, though it fit you.  Question, make him stay; just when he decided to leave.  And of course, because you asked him to stay - he would.

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

“Humor me.”

He regretted coming down here to talk to you.  He should have just stayed in the comfort of his room.  “Why?”

“Humor.  Me.”  

His eyes narrowed.  Even if you wrapped yourself around him, brought him to his knees and groveling in your steps, no one spoke to him like that.  He spun around, snarl behind gritted teeth.  Who the fuck did you think you were talking to?

Then he paused.

You were watching him and the hollow expression on your face shoved the rage back down into his stomach.  With just a glance, you quelled that fury.  Another noise, another shock. Then your eyes softened and your shoulders slumped.  You remembered where you were, who you were talking to...no...no, you had never been afraid to talk to him like that.  Never afraid to meet his attitude head to head.  So what was different now?  “Please,” You added on, quietly.

What the hell happened to you?

Why did he want to be a hero?  

“To be number one.”

“Is that it?”

I don’t know anymore.  He didn’t like this line of questioning.  Bakugou was a smart kid - he could tell this conversation wasn’t going to be like the last one the two of you had.  No tea, no gentle touches.  The wounds were infected now and he felt shame burrow deep.  You had something you wanted to say, but something else was keeping it trapped, holding you back from being honest with him.  “What are you getting at?”

You fell quiet, letting his eyes take you in.  With a sigh, you turned and sat back down on the couch.  Your body folded in on itself, your hands grasping your arms, shaking fingertips digging into the fabric of the white dress shirt you were wearing.  “Nothing.”  You said finally.  “Just...thinking.  About things.”

You thought a lot about a lot of things.  Perhaps a little too much for too long.  You were receding back into your thoughts, pulling away from him again.  While he didn’t enjoy the feelings that being around you brought, losing you to your own headspace wasn’t something he would do tonight.  Or...any night.  His feet carried him back to the couch.  With a groan he sat down beside you.  “Well, then say it out loud.”

You let out a laugh that sounded too much like a sneer.  “Yeah.  Okay.”

It took everything in him to not reach out and grab you.  “I’m being serious.”

“I know.”

He just wanted to fucking help you.  “So tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

Like you had helped him.  “Whatever the hell that’s going on.”

A moment passed before you pulled your eyes back to his.  Finally, you were back in the present - back in that room with him.  Suddenly, you were aware that he had stationed himself beside you, so close your arms were a breath away from each other.  And there was a moment of panic in your eyes.  

You smirked, “Oh, are you playing therapist now?”

“Shut up!”  He bellowed.  “And tell me what the hell is going on before I change my mind!”

Your laugh was bitter, but it was something.  You used your hands to push your hair back out of your eyes, “...okay.”  You started...then fell quiet again.  He could hear you swallow the regret, the shame, the fear.  He watched as you struggled to put to words everything spinning around you.  “I don’t think I belong here.  At all.”

There were a million things Bakugou would have thought you could have said.  That...wasn’t one of them.  He had never thought of you not here.  What would that look like?

“I look at everyone here: Kirishima and Uraraka and Tsu and Deku...and I just can’t seem to find a place to put myself.  Among the rest of our class.”  His brows furrowed as you spoke.  He watched as your expression shifted with each word - angry and bitter and lost and upset.  “Like, you all are able to keep your heads held high, keep looking forward and never seem to let things drag you down.  I...I just don’t think I can do that.  So...”  You shrugged, swallowing harshly.  “Maybe I don’t deserve to be here if I can’t handle it...not like everyone else can.”

This wasn’t about the raid - that was just a catalyst.  It obviously struck a chord with you.  

“That’s stupid.”  

Another laugh.  This one tear filled but honest; and so, so bittersweet.  “Yeah.  Yeah, you’re absolutely right.  It’s pretty pathetic, huh?”

“No, you idiot.  It’s stupid because you’re wrong.”

You stared at him, mouth agape.  Then, in a second, your eyes narrowed, your lips thinned and your expression darkened.  He couldn’t help but feel the pride bubble in his chest:  You had realized you weren’t going to avoid this.  Not with him.  Not when he could help you.  He closed his eyes, figured it best to keep you out of his sight until he finished.  

“Look, you moron.  If you want to be angry or sad about whatever the hell happened back there, fine.  Do it.  But what good is wallowing in your own self pity if you’re not going to do anything about it?!”

Your voice shook as you spoke.  “Okay fine - then what should I do, Bakugou?”

His eyes snapped open, lips parted in surprise at the question.  There was an edge to your expression, daring him to answer.  Daring him to suggest something.  Blow it up?  Yell at it?  Fight it until it gives up?  But where would you start?  It wasn’t a real person - you couldn’t threaten it to back down.  Eyes scoured the floor for a response, searched desperately to find something - a strand of advice - to give you.  But he had nothing.  

“Yeah,”  You moved, pushing yourself off the couch.  You snatched your bag with such force it almost swung around and hit him in the face.  “That’s what I thought.  You don’t have an answer either.”

Shit.  Shit. He watched you as you skirted past his legs, intent on burying everything again.  If he let this go - let you go - you might actually do it.  You might actually leave UA - leave everyone in Class 1-A, leave your dream, leave...him. 

“It’s fine.”  You added, making your way towards the stairs.  “I’ll be fine.”

But he knew that was a lie.  Everything about this situation was a lie.  You wouldn’t be fine if he let you go upstairs, left you along with those thoughts of inadequacy, and if you kept falling lower and lower...?

“Hey.”  

You paused in front of the elevator...then pressed the button, it’s soft white glow sending panic down Bakugou’s spine.  The only thing he could see of you in the dark was the back of your head, the way your chin dipped just so lightly to your chest.  You weren’t going to respond if he didn’t do something.  He didn’t want this conversation to end - not like this.  What would All Might say?  What would Kirishima say?  What would Deku say?

What would you say?

“You never told me:  Why did you agree to go on that raid?”

There was a moment of pause before you turned and glanced over your shoulder at him.  There was a confused expression on your face, your eyes scanning him to try and figure out just what he was playing at.  “I told you why I wanted to be a hero.”  It was a challenge.  Stay and face this.  “Now tell me why you went on that stupid raid.”

“Don’t get too worked up about this.”  Mr. Aizawa - no, Eraserhead - had said.  “The Big Three are one thing:  They’re strong enough to hold their own out there with the Pros.”  He called you all out by name.  Asui, Uraraka, Kirishima and you.  “You didn’t volunteer for this and you’re not obligated to participate.  It’s your call.”

It had been your call.  Your decision.  The Pros wouldn’t have shoved you into a situation you weren’t ready for.  The four of you had known that it was not necessary for you to go above and beyond what you had already done.  It was going to be dangerous, and you needed to not only be physically capable, but mentally as well.  

You should have waited, weighed the odds, thought about it for a moment longer.  

Your call.  Your choice:  Save a little girl who was in danger or back down.  Be a Hero or refuse to answer the call.

Well...the choice was simple than wasn’t it?

You hadn’t been capable.  You screwed up.  Once again jumping deeper into a situation than you should have.  You weren’t like your friends.  

You weren’t like them at all.

“Mr. Ai- I mean, Eraserhead!  After everything we just heard, I can’t imagine not helping out, sir!”

Someone who could raise their head and keep it held high.  Who could look danger in the eye and refuse to back down.

“Yeah, if you’re going to let us be apart of this, I’d like to pitch in however I can!”

Who saw someone and danger and threw themselves into the line of fire.  Who reached out a hand and kept holding on, long past the last scrap of energy was gone. 

"If I can use my power to help that girl even a little bit, then count me in Eraserhead!”

They were heroes.  You weren’t like them.

You stood up, nodding earnestly.  Your look was stern, your eyes hard as you looked at Eraserhead.  You were equals - at least in this moment.  “Yeah,  heroes save people - so I’ll do my best to make sure that girl is safe!”

You could feel Bakugou’s eyes pick you apart and put you back together.  Looking at him made you sick, made you want to crawl into yourself and rot.  But...with a soft sigh, your eyes casted up, trying to keep the tears from falling again.  You had thought you had done all your crying.  God, his face in the dark was a slight comfort.  His eyes practically glowed in the low light of the common room.  His dark t-shirt hung around his shoulders, his hair was a wild mess, sticking up in every direction.  And he just watched you.  No malice, no rage, just...waiting.  

Waiting for your answer.  

Why did you agree to join the raid?

To save that little girl.  Because that’s what heroes do. 

But...

“After my fight with Deku, you sat with me.  You didn’t have to do that either. So why?”

Arms gripping your hoodie, squeezing you for dear life.  His whole body trembled under your touch.  Tears as he begged for forgiveness that you couldn’t give him.  But you wanted to - because it would mean his pain would be put at ease.  If you couldn’t give him what he needed, what he longed for, you would at least be there for a moment longer than the tears would fall.  You just needed him to know he wasn’t alone.  You needed Katsuki Bakugou to know you were there for him, no matter what.

“And with the League attack?  You weren’t with Kirishima and them.  You went off on your own, to try and save me.  Why?”

They wouldn’t see how hard he worked.  How much he wanted to be a hero.  And if they hurt him, if he refused and the villains hurt him?  If they took that away from him…?  All of his hopes and dreams?

No.  No, you weren’t going to let that happen.  

You had to bite you lip to keep it from shaking.  Bakugou was listing off all your fuck ups as if they mattered.  As if they were helping his case.  As if they were something you should be proud of.  You considered telling him, making him aware that even in those moments, you still failed:  you got knocked out during the raid, during the fight with the villains, and that you hadn’t done much besides give him a hug in the kitchen.  You weren’t doing much.

Deep breath, look away.  His face was too much.  It was too honest, trying to grab at you and hold you still.  He could almost convince you that you did something besides hinder those who had a better chance of being a Hero.

“You do half the shit you do because you’re a good person.  You want to help people.”  Movement caused you to glance his way.  He turned to sit back down on the couch.  “As stupid as it is, I guess it’s pretty admirable.”

‘Pretty admirable’?  He - Katsuki Bakugou - thought it was admirable.  You opened your mouth, but after a long moment of silence found you had nothing to say, so you closed it again.  You hated that even without speaking, you were losing this fight.  “So does everyone else.”  You replied weakly.  It didn’t make you special.  It didn’t make you any different.

“That so?”

“Yeah.”

“Than wouldn’t that mean you belong here with all the other losers looking to be a Hero to protect people?”

Ding!

Behind you, the elevator opened.  

A soft gasp escaped your chest.  So...that’s what he was doing.  Leave it up to him to talk you around into a circle before shoving your argument back into your face...no, he hadn’t been nearly as harsh as you had expected.  He was speaking so softly to you, being as gentle as he knew how - which granted, wasn’t much, but appreciated none the less.  One shouldn’t look a gift explosion in the mouth.  

You looked at the elevator over your shoulder, stared at it’s open doors.  

You let them shut.

For the first time since that raid, you smiled.  Really, honestly smiled.  You set your bag down against the wall.  The walk back to the couch was the lightest you had felt in a long while.  You sat down next to him, resting your hands on your knees and one by one, you tapped your fingers against your skin.  With a deep breath, you felt your shoulders relaxed.  You weren’t surprised he was able to help.  “I guess...technically...using that logic...you’re not wrong.”

Bakugou scoffed, closing his eyes and tossing his head back.  “Of course I’m not wrong.”

You chuckled, shaking your head.  “How could I have ever thought to argue with you? Truly a futile effort to begin with.”

His smirk was quick, a slight twitch in the corner of his mouth before he grunted and looked away.  The prickly exterior he generally used to conceal himself was growing back into place and you couldn’t help but laugh.  You had been so wrapped up in your own bullshit that you almost forgot how much he made your heart skip.  As you looked over his profile, you realized that you were entirely thankful for Bakugou and not just in that moment.  You had been so stuck in your pit, sinking lower and lower that you didn’t think you’d ever get out of it.

But like everything, he broke the glass ceiling and shot through.  Only this time, he snatched you up and pulled your head to the surface.  Even if for a moment, you could breathe because he was holding your head above the water.  

You leaned over and bumped his shoulder with yours, nudging him warmly.  He ruined expectations again by waiting a moment before doing it back to you.  

He was so warm, his skin amazingly soft.  It lit your chest aflame and your cheeks grew pink - but you didn’t move.  The two of you leaned against each other but said nothing about it.  How did you find yourself here?  You had been close to him before but this was different in a way that didn’t seem to make any sort of sense.  And...you kind of like that it didn’t.  Because it didn’t have to.  You realized that sometimes, when it was just the two of you, as few as those “sometimes” may have been, you simply wanted it to just...be.  

You shouldn’t want to be so close to him, not now.  Would it be in poor taste?  Would he think less of you if he knew?  Did he know?  Did he feel the same way?  You were certain that if he looked over at you, looked into your eyes he would...at least see something.  You weren’t sure exactly what it was, but it was enough to cause your knees to knock and your chest to ache.  And you wondered if he would see how much your fingers longed to reach out and touch his body, draw him close and...  

But that didn’t matter.  Not now. 

You looked down at your hands.  If you...wanted to try...wanted to see if...this was something you could have, you would have to take the first leap.  Bakugou wasn’t going to do it.  He wasn’t going to be the one who dove head first.  But was now the perfect time?  Would there ever be a perfect time?  After having him strip your defenses, tear you down, build you back up - should you wait?

You spared another look, hoping that you might find confidence in his being.  

Your eyes met.  He was looking at you too.

No.  No, you weren’t waiting.  Katsuki Bakugou wasn’t someone you waited for.  If you were going to do this, see if he felt the same way you felt - all the crazy heart skips and lingering glances when the other wasn’t looking - you had to do this now.  

Gathering all your courage, you moved your hand and offered it to him.  His eyes tore away from your face then down at your open palm.  The universe held it’s breath, watched eagerly...as he slid his fingers between yours.  His calloused digits scratched at your skin lightly, his palms were a little clammy and...

Bakugou held you firm, grasping you tightly.  Desperate and scared and you remembered everything that lead you to this moment.

“That Bakugou kid likes you.”

Wild hair haloed in the setting sun peeking above the tops of overgrown trees.  Everyone around you disappears when his arms wrap around you.  He holds your hands, guiding the knife as he helps you chop.

“Out of all those losers, I was glad you were there.”

It felt like something was dragging you to him, tugging your body towards his.  He wasn’t stopping you, he wasn’t yelling or screaming or pushing you away.  He just watched, eyes narrowed and darkened under his hair.  Was he waiting to see what you would do?  Was he too scared to move on his own?  You reached out, gliding your fingers over his sandy blonde locks and brushing them out of the way so you could see his face.  Fingertips drifted down and over his cheek, trying to offer the same warmth he filled you with.  

Defiantly, a daring look in his eye, he pressed his cheek into your hand.  If you’re going to do this, then mean it.  Everything about him made you want to scream, drove you mad.  He always fought - and you saw now, that this whole time...he was fighting for you.  Fighting to let you know.  Had you been so entirely blind all this time?  

You wanted to say something, to let him know that you saw.  But words were wrong, thin, pointless and empty.  Nothing you could say would ever be enough to let him know how you felt.  So you would give all of you and hope that it was enough for him.

Without waiting another moment, you pressed your lips to his.  It was a deep and heavy action, one that he met with passion only he could muster.  You closed your eyes and lost yourself into his taste, the heat of his lips, his very presence.  It was a rush, one that sent you spinning - derailed all train of thought.  All that mattered was him.  All that lived in this universe was you and him.

His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you up and over him and you were happy to follow.  You didn’t dare break away, to lose the contact that you obviously both had been longing for.  Your fingers found their way into his hair, twisting and tangling.  Never once did he pull away - quite the opposite.  He met you, every press of your lips, every motion of want and desire, laid bare in front of both of you.  And as you felt his finger graze over the skin on your back, dipping under your dress shirt to set the nerves there on fire, you realized both of you were utter fools.

It’s an awful thing: knowing you’re not enough.  Wanting something so badly, but no matter how much you long for it, it still slips through your grasp.  Of knowing that nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome.

He should have stayed in his dorm.  He should have never looked at his phone.  He should have never told you about Bakugou.  

He should have never let you get so close.  

It was by chance he glanced at the window looking into the common room, hand poised in front of the door.  At first, he wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking at - two shadowed masses, one on top of the other.  But then, he saw your face.  His heart wrenched when you pulled away from Bakugou.  A scream locked in his throat the way you smiled at him, soft and loving.  He hated the look in your eyes as you ran your thumb over his lips, as he slid his fingers into your hair to pull you back for more. 

Something Shinsou couldn’t have.  Someone he wasn’t enough for.

He didn’t linger on the steps for too long.  He feared you would see him and then - then you would have to talk.  He wasn’t sure he would be able to handle that, not with Bakugou behind you.  

The walk back to the dorm was a long one and he was surprised he made it into his room without incident.  It was late enough though, most of his classmates were asleep and the rest had retired to their rooms.  No one knew he was gone.  His mind was utterly blank until the locked clicked shut.

He didn’t realize he had punched the wall until his hand pulled back, sliced open.  Blood pooled and ran down his arm.  But it wasn’t enough.  It didn’t stop him from replaying that scene in his head over and over again.  The way you two were looking at each other, the soft touches, gentle smiles...

He slumped to the floor and let out one pitiful sob.  

What was he supposed to do now?

Author’s Note:  I honestly watched Cats the 2019 musical and then wrote Shinsou’s part because I’ve been having a pretty good week honestly so I wasn’t in the headspace for honest disappointment.  

I just needed something to remind me that happiness is fleeting and something terrible and awful will usually come and destroy what you know and love most in this world.  Drag your joy through the mud until the only thing left is a shell of what once was.

...who let’s Hooper direct shit?

Anyway.  I do think I’m going to lead into a part 4 for this one.  I don’t know.  I’ll let you guys decide if you want something more lol since I’m interested in continuing it.  Especially given the newer chapters. 

Also eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, kissing scene.  First real one on this blog anyway and not a kiss mentioned in passing.  And look, it only took me a year or so to do it. :)  I’m a fantastic mod of this blog who gives people what they want and doesn’t focus on stupid shit in the slightest why are you guys here you should have left me on the street corner where I was standing

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