#a case of the honeymoons nonsense

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Featuring: A Case of the Honeymoons

Summary: Yep. Haymitch cursed us. I'm sure of it. He stepped on my wedding dress train and since then, Peeta and I can't catch a break. One awkward thing after another keeps happening. Is it too much to ask for a chance at one time, just ONE! uneventful time having sex with my husband? No?

Everlark through the years... with a bad case of Honeymoon-itis

Rating: E for explicit sexual content, explicit language, explicit consent, awkward sexual situations, second-hand embarrassment, fluff and smut, shameless smut, a LOT of smut. Did I mention the smut?

A/N: What can I say? I draw a lot of inspiration from prompts that people send me, and this story is the result of several. And honestly, who am I to pass up an opportunity to write happily married Everlark getting their freak on as often as possible?

The link below leads to the series, which includes a seven chapter fic, and one supplemental chapter.

A Case of the Honeymoons on AO3

Smooches! kdnfb

[idiopath-fic-smile]

i make no promises, like i genuinely don't have any real ideas for scenes after this one, but uh here is more Singin' in the Rain ot3, continuing from here. they're not even on the honeymoon boat yet! but for whatever it's worth, there are shenanigans.

Here was another thing Cosmo had failed to predict: Don was a nervous flier. 

Cosmo had been up in the air a handful of times; Archibald owned a small personal craft that he flew sometimes on the weekends. And sure, it was cold and noisy and there was no denying that watching the ground disappear below you could give a guy a bad case of the stomach lurches, but it was a thrill all the same. An adventure, he thought, burrowing deeper into the very warm wool coat he’d had the presence of mind to bring. Don was generally up for an adventure; he’d once ridden a motorcycle full speed off a high canyon and fallen ten stories into the water below, for nothing but a day’s wages and an approving nod from the director.

The airplane offered comfortable seats and tables and fashionable cold salads served by very calm stewardesses, but from the moment of liftoff, Don sat there like a man waiting for the electric chair. Now he was clutching the armrests so tightly, the knuckles stood out sharp and white against his normally very appealing hands. 

“We should have taken the train,” said Kathy.

“Nonsense,” Don gritted out. “I’m fine. This is all perfectly fine.”

Belted in on either side of him, Kathy and Cosmo exchanged a look. One of the benefits, thought Cosmo, to being the funny little friend and not the leading man was that you were allowed to admit when you were terrified, at least a little, at least if you could make it a joke.

“I’m so sorry, Don,” Kathy said. “I should have asked if you’ve been in one of these before. Even knowing we’re perfectly safe, a train would’ve been so much more comfortable.”

Don closed his eyes. “Really, Kathy,” he said, a little more sharply. “You don’t need to—” The plane dropped several feet, and he swallowed hard.

Cosmo considered the situation. The facts were these: Don Lockwood was too proud, and too enamored with his wife, to be willing to discuss such a weakness in front of her, and now if somebody didn’t act fast, the three of them were in for an awkward, unpleasant flight. Or rather, series of flights, since the plane was going to need to refuel a couple of times along the way.

There was nothing else for it; Cosmo would have to save the day.

He took in Don’s ashen complexion and Kathy’s guilty face, and then he said cheerfully,

“Y’know, Kathy, for what it’s worth, Don actually has been in one of these before.” When this failed to earn any real response from the man, Cosmo poked him in the cheek. “Haven’t you, Don?”

“What?” said Don distractedly, swatting the finger away. “No, I haven’t.”

“Yes, you have.”

Don’s tense brow creased for a moment in irritation. “I think I’d remember—” he started.

“It was for one of those early stunting gigs,” said Cosmo. “A little biplane. They gave you goggles and an aviator hat and a brown leather jacket—” The incident stuck in Cosmo’s mind mostly because Don had looked very good in that jacket, but there were half a dozen reasons nobody needed to know that, “—and then they had you crash the plane through a barn.”

“Through a barn?” Kathy repeated, disbelieving, because apparently the fan magazines didn’t tell you everything after all.

“Into, not through,” said Don. “I didn’t come out the other side.” His fingers had relaxed ever so slightly on the poor armrests. “And that doesn’t count, that contraption never got off the ground, I only had to—”

“Into a barn?” Kathy interjected. “Why?”

Cosmo stuck a mock-pensive pose. “The things we do for art. And five dollars. And I think the producers let him keep the jacket.”

They had; Cosmo had suffered that autumn.

“Well, what about common sense,” said Kathy, “and human rights, and basic safety?”

“I said he had goggles on, didn’t I?” 

The truth was, back in those days, no matter how dangerous the feat, how seemingly impossible the stunt, Cosmo had never truly worried. It was Don, and Don could do anything. Except admit to his wife that he needed help, apparently.

“What about—about dignity,” she went on, and Cosmo snorted.

“I regret to inform you that Lady Dignity will not be making an appearance tonight.”

“Cosmo,” said Kathy, slowly, “Why in the world did you let Don do a thing like that?”

“Let?” Don and Cosmo said in unison, Don a little weakly but it was something.

“Don’t pin this on me, madam,” Cosmo added, “I am not my brother’s keeper.”

“Not my brother at all,” Don muttered, which stung a little, but Cosmo decided to let it slide in the face of how his plan was working.

“That’s hardly the worst thing we did for money,” Cosmo said instead. “Has Don told you much about our ignoble days on the road?”

Kathy shook her head, delighted. Don very discreetly kicked Cosmo in the shin. Things were looking up.

.

“So there we are,” said Cosmo, “performing in this tiny hamlet in Nebraska called, I kid you not, Oatmeal—”

“Oatmeal?” Kathy laughed.

Don had freed his fingers from the armrests entirely; he was now resting his entire face in his hands. He was no longer pallid as Nosferatu; in fact, he might have been blushing.

“It was Coyoteville,” Don volunteered without looking up.

“Pal, if you think I’d forget a place with a name like Oatmeal, Nebraska—”

“If you think I’d forget a place with a name like Coyoteville—”

“Coyoteville was in New Mexico!” said Cosmo. “Coyoteville was where we had to bunk with that ventriloquist, remember?” He watched as Don sat up and snuck a look at Kathy, who was clearly having a ball.

“The one who insisted his dummy got its own bed?” Don said with a slight smile.

“Don and me had to sleep on a twin mattress on the floor,” said Cosmo, “Curled up like a pair of puppies, if you can picture that—”

“I think so,” said Kathy, leaning forward, eyes bright, “only what happened in Oatmeal?”

“Wait, was Oatmeal where—” Don started.

“Yes! We’re about halfway through our routine, singing and hoofing our hearts out—fit as a fiddle and ready for love—when we look off to the side, at the next act waiting in the wings and we see—”

Don laughed. “You’re right, we were onstage when we realized it!”

“—at more or less the same time, I think—”

“Yes?” said Kathy.

“—the Amazing Dancing Daisy, the headliner following us—”

“Nobody had bothered to explain to us that she was a trained donkey,” Cosmo explained. “We were literally opening for an ass.”

“How was she?” Kathy managed, once she had more or less gotten her wild laughter under control. “The dancing, I mean?”

“Her footwork was a little sloppy,” said Don.

“Don’s just cross,” said Cosmo confidingly, “because she got much more applause than us.”

“They kept throwing her flowers!” said Don. “What was she meant to do with them? She didn’t even have hands!”

“So listen, Kathy.” Cosmo leaned way over Don to make eye contact with her. “The next time you two are having some sort of petty domestic squabble, if Don tries to act all high and mighty, just remember: I’m pretty sure your lawfully wedded husband is still, deep down, jealous of a donkey.”

Don grabbed Cosmo’s shoulder and flashed him a mock-scowl. “Why, when we get back on solid land…”

“I’m not afraid of you, villain,” said Cosmo, “not with your lady love here.” He stretched out an arm to Kathy. “You’ll protect me, won’t you?”

“Of course, good sir,” said Kathy, genteelly taking his hand and it was a joke, it was ridiculous, it was all completely harmless because Cosmo was hardly a threat to their marriage, and so Cosmo ducked his head and fluttered his lashes at her, and cooed,

“How shall I ever repay you?”

And then, without breaking eye contact, Kathy brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it, just a quick, warm, press of lips, entirely chaste but somehow something different, and Cosmo darted a nervous glance at up Don—he was practically in Don’s lap at this point, to better reach out to Don’s wife—because threat or not, there had to be some kind of line Cosmo was crossing. But Don was just watching them, with parted lips and slightly glazed eyes, as if it was not at all upsetting to see his girl and his best friend doing…whatever it was they were doing, and this moment was rapidly sliding away from any point of reference Cosmo might’ve had. 

Normally, Cosmo liked other people’s eyes on him. That was half the reason anyone was in showbiz, wasn’t it? Nobody might’ve looked at him twice in the street but with the right props and a couple of dance moves, he could be somebody for the length of a number or two, spread a little joy and get a lot of it back. So it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Don looking at him and Kathy like that. It was just—it was too much, too close to something he might’ve dreamed up alone in his bed at night. He hadn’t, but that was mostly because he’d lacked the imagination.

Cosmo freed himself, twisted back upright, and coughed. “On second thought,” he said. “I think the ventriloquist was in Dead Man’s Fang, in Arizona? Coyoteville was where that strongman threw up inside Don’s fiddle.”

“How did he manage to—” Kathy sounded sincerely perplexed. She’d left a coral pink lip print on the back of Cosmo’s hand. He tugged his coat sleeves down to his fingertips.

“Sheer determination,” said Cosmo.

[unknownperson246]

Chapter 4 of A Monster

Don’t mind the inbox it was a reminder to myself to write chapter 4

A Monster chapter 4

Words: 1,147

warnings: *angst* *vampire slash* *cussing* *killing* *toxic slash* *drugging* *pregnancy*

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

You wake up from your drug-induced slumber. You feel groggy and everything in sight is blurry. You feel very weak and you suddenly have flashbacks of the night you and Slash fucked. You see Slash watching you as he sits on the chair next to your bed.

“Morning sleepy head, how do you feel?” slash asks you with a smirk.

“What did you drug me with?” you ask, trying to not lose your temper.

“It was a mild sedative. The baby was distressed from how you were freaking out about me killing a useless fucking pussy” Slash says like the maid was a toy he could play with.

You sit on the bed astonished at what your husband just said.

“Do you see me as a piece of useless pussy?” you ask Slash. 

Slash sits there silently watching your mouth move. He ignores everything you have to say.

“Shut up” Slash spits in your face. 

“Just lay down and go to sleep, you're fucking annoying with how much you blab about nonsense. Vampires kill for fun; they see it as a sport okay? It's just in our nature. It's a sport for us” Slash gets his fist ready.

You remain silent and you watch Slash leave your room. You have a plan. You want to run away from Slash. You regret marrying him. You thought he was sweet and gentle but it turns out he is just a verbally abusive bastard. You have all of your things pre-packed inside of your one luggage. You already have it in your car. You had it in the car in case you were going on your honeymoon with Slash. You grab your car keys silently. Slash just assumes that you fell asleep in the bedroom. He is out killing and hunting other humans. You walk out of Slash's mansion taking one last good look at the huge house. You put your key in the ignition and drive away. You drive away for hours. You're now in Florida all the way across California. Slash had already come home and noticed that you were missing. He looked for you everywhere in the house. Instead of being worried he is pissed off. 

“She’s gone,” He says sniffing your remaining scent that was left on your pillow. 

“She took my baby with her.” He says through gritted teeth while inhaling your soft scent. 

He goes to the nursery where the baby’s things are set up. He can still track you down; he knows that you left for Florida. He walks out the door and goes to the airport. Meanwhile, you are in a house that you rented. You take a nap after driving for days. Once you take a nice bath you change into something more comfortable. You change into a black silky nightgown. As soon as you get to the bed you hear footsteps in the house. You are on high alert. You turn around and you see Slash. He rushes to your back and he pulls your arms behind your back.

“Hi Y/N” He purrs in your ear.

“What were you thinking?” He asks you.

“You took my baby with you.” He says holding your arms with one hand while the other reaches for your stomach that started protruding.

“Where were you Slash when I left.” You ask him.

“I was in New Orleans killing other people,” He says smirking.

“We are going home right now,” He says while grabbing your stuff.

“I don’t want to kill please Slash” You beg him.

“You don't have to but I will continue doing whatever I want” He purrs in your ear.

“Slash what did you do to the people?” You ask him.

“I killed them like I said earlier.” He answers your question.

“No. What exactly did you do to them?.” You ask.

“After I killed them I left them in ditches.” He says.

“Did you kill anyone with the name Luna?” You ask him.

“Luna?. What type of name is Luna?” He asks disgustedly.

“I don’t remember. I don’t bother asking names. I’m only there for what I want” He says cruelly laughing.

“What exactly is it that you want?” You ask him with a shaky voice.

“I want you, my baby, a lot of blood and to kill,” He says smirking at you.

You start to cry and sob scared of what is going to happen once you get home.

“Shh. I’m going to take care of you and our son” He smirks.

“Our son?” You ask dumbfounded.

“I can tell it's a boy,” He says. You stare at him like he is a horror movie.

He continues moving his hand across your bulging belly. 

“Please I don't want to go home” You plead with Slash.

“Too bad we have to go now, sweetheart.” He says softly trying not to scare you further.

Suddenly everything in Slash's demeanor changes. His face softens up and his tone quiets down. He is like a whole other person. He feels guilty for what he did to you early. You were in shock that he was aware of it right at the moment. You wanted to run away. You wanted to shrink away from his attention. You wanted to be in a warm bed with a sweet man. Slash starts to apologize for what he did to you. To you, it's a sudden move and you don't trust him fully yet.

“Look I know I was harsh earlier when I said that you should sleep and I know it's something you can't forgive easily. All I want you to know is that I'm sorry for everything that has happened to this point. I won't ever try to hurt you because you are my wife and the mother of my child. So please come with me?.” He asks you. You do not trust him but you want to be with Slash for your son.

“Fine let's go but please let go of me,” You tell Slash gently.

“How many months along are you?” Slash asks you randomly.

“Around 3 months now,” You tell him.

You put your stuff in the car you drove to Florida in. “Slash, how specifically do you know our baby is a boy?” You ask him.

“Once the baby is more developed, vampires can tell the gender” He explains to you.

“That makes no sense at all but I’m too tired to ask a follow-up question. Let's just go home.” You tell Slash in a frustrated tone.

You both arrive back to California in your huge mansion. “So what are we going to do now?” You ask Slash.

“Just focus on yourself and our son,” Slash says.

You wanted to protest but you knew he was right. 

“Slash, please don't go out killing. It's another thing if you're hungry. If you kill for fun it’s just cruel” You beg Slash to stop killing others.

“Sorry darling I will do what I want,” Slash tells you.

You give up on your attempts to convince him to stop killing other people.

[lokisasylum]

Really getting tired of these new j*kook shippers coming here to tumblr only to spread misinformation. Like grow the fuck up, its 2024, Jimin is NOT insecure about his body anymore. He DOES NOT have an ed. What wattpad planet have you been living in for the past 2-3 years?

In fact, he was one of the few if ONLY members who openly accepted the fact that he might loose his slim bodyframe once he went into the military. And guess what else? In case ur still stuck on AO3 lalaland, Jimin has been EXCELLING in the military as well. He's not that frail damsel in distress ya'll secretly continue to make him out to be.

And his country doesn't hate him, stop talking nonsense. His haters have a NAME: trashkookers and jksolos.

No one is taking those fuckers seriously, you know why? Because jksolos are the first to hate and set up their own fave and only use Jimin's name to cover that fact, but they keep exposing themselves each time.

The d*ath threads are real, no one denies that. Its been happening for years, but thankfully none have made it beyond a keyboard or twitter dot com.

And lastly, the Buddy System in the military is NOT "proof" of a relationship. These guys are not in some crazy honeymoon getaway. Its the MILITARY. They're serving their country (that includes learning to sh00t and k!ll in order to defend themselves & their territory, as crude as that may sound).

How tf are you gonna act scared of what jksolos tried to pull 2 months ago to try and get BOTH JM and JK hate crimed. But on that same breath you're claiming that "ppl are insecure because they chose to make their relationship public by using the buddy system". Do you know how contradictory this statement is and how deranged you sounded?

Either educate yourself or atleast stop projecting your personal insecurities on to Jimin, Karen.

[skyward-floored]

LU Zelink marriages head canons, go!

Alright, let’s see...

Time and Twilight are excluded here because Time has Malon, and Twilight is heavily implied to be interested in Ilia (plus the whole Midna mess) so he’s not here either.

...And before anybody gets on my case, Legend and Fable aren’t siblings here! Them being siblings is just a headcanon! They’re not related here!

We good? Good.

Anyways, this got long so I’m putting it under the cut.

For Sky and Sun... I think Skyloft has a lot of traditions and things, so their wedding would have a lot of that. Everybody on Skyloft attends I’m sure, plus the handful of friends Sky and Sun made on the surface, the kikwi’s and mole guys (who’s names I’m not remembering at the moment) and all. They probably have the wedding somewhere in Faron, as the first wedding on the Surface Grooseland and it’s a very happy affair :)

Once Four is old enough to get married, I think his and Dot’s wedding is a lot like Sky’s: lots of tradition, but not too big of an event, lots of family and friends (and people they have to invite because it’s technically a royal wedding 🙄). The minish probably help in all sorts of little ways, with any food and little details on Dot’s dress. Her and Four probably aren’t nearly serious enough during the ceremony, and a couple of people are scandalized. They don’t care a bit.

Wind has a while to go before he’s old enough to really get married, but I think him and Tetra make it a pretty small deal. Tetra suggested eloping but she was mostly kidding. Mostly. They probably have the ceremony on the ship, but dock it at Outset so they can have the party afterwards there without running out of room. It takes them a while to find someone to officiate (you can’t officiate your own wedding, Tetra) Makar and Medli do the music, and Tingle probably invites himself.

Legend, after he accepts that Marin is gone and lets himself love again (...it probably takes a while), would probably prefer a pretty small wedding. Fable is all for it (I’m sure she’d hate a fuss), so they have a quiet wedding in the apple orchard by Legend’s house. Ravio somehow ends up making money off of it, and probably gives Legend one of his own items as a wedding gift.

Hyrule, no matter which Zelda it is that he’s in love with (I certainly don’t have any clue XD) does not want a big wedding. Of course, he somehow ends up with one anyways because he’s marrying a princess and especially if you add in the whole “destined to be king” thing he possibly has it’s probably a wedding and a coronation, so it’s a Big Deal. Poor Hyrule is an absolute mess of nerves.

Warriors and Artemis almost elope. They very much consider just booking it from the castle for a week or two to get married then come back, so they can skip the whole fuss and political nonsense that comes with a royal wedding, but Impa keeps giving them glares so she’d probably stop them. So they put up with the whole spectacle of everything, then very much enjoy a quiet honeymoon.

Wild... I’m a little hesitant to say much about since I haven’t played totk yet (no spoilers!!!) and am not quite sure how things have changed between him and Flora (if at all). But either way, I think they probably try to have a nice quiet wedding, then have a bigger party afterwards. Probably a little like Rhondson and Hudson’s wedding, it’s just a small affair. Then a big party and everything afterwards where they invite everyone they can, everybody Wild’s met and helped over the years.

[bisonaari]

Morning nonsensical ramble about my life and finland under the cut

How did finnish become such a comforting language for me in so little time this is ridiculous. I'm kinda scared that this is just tamporary and that I will find no interest in the language when the hyperfixation passes and that I'll let everyone down. Yet I know for a fact that I haven't had so much fun learning a language in AGES. I've wanted to learn a language that I knew nothing about for ages, and none of my tries have ever been successful. The fact that for once I'm having fun in the challenges brought by the language should be an indication of how it will probably stay a fun place for me forever but I'm still scared. And I should see it like japanese, like it doesn't interest me in the moment but I still like the music I used to like and it's not as if I just forgot the language overnight lol

I also feel like a creepy weeb in my hyperfixation. I'm scared that I'm idealizing finland and finnish people and the finnish language. I KNOW that I'm not, I'm not 15 anymore lol, but yet I'm still terrified it's so stupid urgh. I really want to visit but idk I don't even want to tell my family because I'm 32 and they already think I'm like a child who doesn't want to grow up because I work in cartoons and I like posters and plushies and don't intend to have children. I don't want to add groupie behavior to the long list of justifications to infantilize me lol. I'm also scared that finnish people will just dismiss me as käärijä fanatic which IS the case idk I'm so conflicted about this I didn't know anything about finland last year and my current level of interest is scaring me

That and that's so much stuff to plan already, my wedding next week, the fanzine stuff, therapy sessions, potential finland travel combined to a france travel to see family, finnish lessons to be at least able to usk my way around in case of emergency, honeymoon, work project, personal projects, käärijätober, jere's birthday project, I feel like im gonna crumble any second lmao

[revvnant]

insomnia is just wrecking my shit but i can must will think about michael's little cycles as a late teenager. specifically like. the ups and downs of dealing with abuse. i feel like a lot of resources focus on the abuser's cycle - honeymoon, tension, incident, reconciliation - but not very much on the victim's. in my experience, if it goes on long enough, there does come a point where you disconnect from that flow. especially if you're in the stage between realising the abuse is happening and getting out. the helplessness and frustration of being unable to leave once you know you're being mistreated creates its own cycle. knowing what's happening, you may try to use logic to start to control the situation, but because the abuse tends to be nonsensical, no amount of pointing out the behaviour or arguing your case or even highlighting that it's irrational is going to make it stop. eventually you exhaust yourself and enter phase two, playing dead. since it's so out of your control, you decide to just stop caring and let it happen. they're still doing the exact same song and dance and you are being dragged along for the ride. it doesn't matter if you argue, because it's going to keep happening, so why waste your time and energy that could be put towards recovering from each incident? but then they keep happening, and your energy comes back, and it turns into frustration again. because you don't deserve to be treated this way. sometimes this leads to a fourth phase, where the frustration triggers a blowup, and then guilt and self-blame over the ensuing issues; lots of 'maybe it was my fault because i let it slide for too long and got angry', 'oh am i just as bad as them', etc. this leads back into the attempted rationality phase, trying to 'fix it'.

so there are fluctuations in michael's behaviour. sometimes he's a doormat. sometimes he fights back. and it's tied to the way he constantly has to manage his own energy/resources, while throwing himself against the brick wall that is william's treatment of him. and some of those bricks are made up of the honeymoon phase! but when you're far enough along that you've caught on to the game, those moments can start to sour, too, because they never last. sadly from an outside perspective this does make mike look unstable which just adds to the problem. such is the hammer they're beating him with.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #57 (part two)

Journal Entry #57 (part one) // STORY INDEX

Victor

Just in case anyone was getting the impression that mine and Yuri’s time apart has been completely consumed by thoughts of each other and of Yuri's therapy, let me fill you in on what else I've been doing since I've been back in Willow Creek.

To be fair, Yuri is on my mind a lot, and for the first few days I was here, I felt a little bit guilty whenever I was having fun with my friends or doing something new without him, but I'm feeling better about it now. I talked to Yuri and he said he felt the same way at first, but then he realized what a perfect opportunity he had to spend time bonding with his family.

Despite his initial misgivings about staying with his parents, he seems to be having a good time now, and he's obviously happy. I figured if it was okay for him to feel happy without me, it was also okay for me to feel happy without him. I missed him desperately though. No point in trying to hide that.

Anyway, once I got my head around my "temporary bachelor status", as my cousin Leo put it, I started to relax and really enjoy myself.

Speaking of bachelors, Uncle Stephen, Leo and I have been planning the most epic bachelor party of all time for Julian. We decided on an Italian theme because he and Mom are going to Tartosa for their honeymoon. There's going to be Italian food and music, and everyone's going to be encouraged to wear Italian beach club fashion. Uncle Stephen managed to reserve an event room at the Harbourside Haven with a view overlooking the water. It may be Newcrest, but we're gonna pretend it's a Tartosan beach scene.

At first, I thought it was kind of weird to have a theme, but Uncle Stephen said a lot of people have bachelor parties with themes. I deferred to him because what do I know? Nobody threw a bachelor party for Yuri and me, and this was my first time planning one for somebody else. Uncle Stephen has been involved in organizing at least three — his best friend Matthew's, Uncle JP’s, and my dad's — so that makes him an expert, as far as I'm concerned.

"By the time you get around to planning Leo's bachelor party, you'll be an expert too," he assured me.

Leo wants a superhero theme when his turn comes. Probably no surprise there.

Leo, Ellie and I have been spending as much time together as we can, which probably isn't going to be much of a surprise to anyone either. We've been getting up to our usual nonsense; playing soccer and racing bikes in the park, going to the pool and the arcade, and generally just hanging out, but we've been getting some productive stuff done as well.

I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but Julian moved in with Mom around the beginning of January, like maybe a week or two before my accident. He was originally planning to sell his house, but what ended up happening was that he transferred the title to Ellie instead. What that means is, Ellie gets to live in her childhood home and doesn't have to worry about paying a mortgage since Julian managed to fully pay it off a couple of years ago. At the end of April, Leo moved in there with her, and now they're wholly involved with renovating the place to make it exactly how they want.

They're actually not changing it significantly, but even cosmetic changes require a fair amount of work. They had to hire somebody to install their new kitchen cabinets and appliances, but Leo decided they could do the hardwood flooring in the living room themselves, as well as the painting and redecorating.

And that's where I came in. I might not be very good with electronics, but I definitely know my way around carpentry tools. My mom taught me a lot about home maintenance, so I can measure, saw and hammer with the best of them.

Almost as soon as I arrived, Leo enlisted both me and his sister Kiki to help with the flooring. Ellie and Kiki gleefully ripped out all the old carpet, and then they sanded and cleaned the subfloor. After that, Leo and I got down to business. We got the entire living room done over three days, and it looks fabulous, even if I say so myself.

We're all getting pretty good at painting too. Leo, Ellie, Kiki and I painted Ellie and Leo’s living room, kitchen and bedroom, and then I got them to come over to our new house and help me paint mine and Yuri's rooms, our living room and downstairs bathroom.

Robert and Kim did a bunch of renovations before they put the house on the market, so there’s really nothing much that needed to be changed except the colours of a few walls. The only thing I really want to do besides the painting is to install a jet tub in the upstairs bathroom. Yuri got used to having that at Uncle Kaz's place, and I think he should have one here. It’s very therapeutic for him.

You knew I'd inevitably come back to talking about Yuri, didn't you? Some of you are probably laughing over my inability to keep my mind off him. Go ahead. I don't mind. I'm hopelessly in love with him, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

As a matter of fact, Yuri is the whole reason why I was motivated to record this entry tonight, after kinda forgetting about our journal for almost three months. Now that I’ve gotten all the life updates out of the way, I can get to the really good part. It's the part I maybe should’ve led with, but I guess you’ve all figured out by now that I sometimes like to leave the best stuff till the end.

So, here’s the story. It actually started yesterday evening, when Yuri missed our regular seven o'clock FaceTime chat. By seven-fifteen, I decided I'd better call him. He didn't answer, but I wasn’t overly concerned right away because I thought there might just be something wrong with his iPad, so I texted him instead. I started getting scared when I received no reply to that either, and when I phoned him, I got a robotic-sounding error message that said the customer I was trying to reach had the phone turned off.

At that point, I systematically called everyone I could think of who might know what was going on, but Takahiro, Fox and Sakura had no clue, and the most that Mr. Okamoto's personal assistant Koichi could tell me was that Mr. Okamoto was away on important business for the next several days, which didn’t really help. When I tried to call Yuri's parents, I got the same error message I'd gotten when I attempted to call him.

I tossed and turned in bed all night, and every time I woke up, I sent another text to my husband. By seven o'clock this morning, when I still couldn't reach him, I started scrolling frantically through my phone to see if I had his grandparents' numbers. Somebody had to know something.

I didn't have a number for his grandmother or grandfather, but I did have contact information for his boss, Mr. Tanaka. It was a long shot, but I called him, which may not have been the wisest thing to do. Mr. Tanaka didn't have any idea where Yuri was or what might be happening, and I think I might've caused him to worry with my asking him about it.

Around ten o'clock, I was seriously considering getting online and trying to arrange an earlier flight back to Japan. I'm not even joking.

That was when my phone buzzed in my pocket.

I pulled it out and glanced at the screen. It was a message from Yuri.

You ever hear that phrase 'weak with relief'? I literally was, and I sank down the kitchen floor, nearly crying, with my phone still clutched in my hand.

As if he'd been reading my mind, the message said, «I love you and I'm okay.»

«Where are you?» I texted back with trembling fingers.

He sent, «I’m outside. Are you at home?»

Perplexed and still shaking, I replied, «Yeah. Why?»

«Look out the front window.»

Feeling thoroughly confused, I got to my feet, put my phone back in my pocket and made my way from the kitchen to the dining room so I could peer outside. Parked at the curb was a vehicle I didn't recognize. I took off my glasses so things further away would come into sharper focus, and I think i may have let out a small gasp when I realized who was behind the wheel of the unknown blue minivan.

It was Kenji Okamoto.

I was still forcing my mind to process that when the van's side door slid open and first Yuki and then Yuri climbed out. Mr. Okamoto got out of the driver's side to open the front passenger door for his wife, who was holding baby Kinai.

To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly. During all our daily conversations, Yuri hadn't mentioned anything about him and his family travelling. I could only assume they were here for the wedding, which is coming up in four days, but if they were here for the wedding, that would mean Mom and Julian both knew they were coming as well, and yet nobody had breathed a word about any of it to me.

I should've been upset about that, but I was way too excited over being unexpectedly reunited with Yuri to worry about having been kept in the dark. I mean, real talk here, the sound I made when I saw my husband was a lot louder than a gasp. A second later, I was flinging open the front door and flying down the steps, and he was hurrying to close the distance between us too, arms outstretched for an embrace.

I caught him and spun us both around in a circle right there on the walkway. "Yuri! I missed you!"

"Me too," he said, clinging tight as we completed our big, joyful circle. "I couldn't wait to get here. The last couple of hours, I was getting so impatient I could barely cope with it any more."

"This is why I couldn't reach you, isn't it? You were in a plane."

He was laughing. "Ah... surprise?"

"I was freaking out!" I exclaimed. "Like, I was literally just about to change my flight and everything! You should've known I'd panic when I couldn't reach you. Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"I'm sorry," he said, as I carefully set him down. "Don't be angry. It was so hard to keep the secret, and I almost let it slip out, but we really wanted to surprise you."

"I'm not angry," I said. "I'm relieved you're okay, and I'm thrilled you're here, but..."

"But what?"

"I thought you couldn't travel," I said. "What about your therapy?"

"We'll only be here for a week," Yuri said. "I'll miss my psychologist appointment this week, and one in-person session with my nutritionist, and a food intelligence class.”

“Can you afford to miss that stuff?”

“I think so,” he said. “The nutritionist scheduled a fifteen-minute video call so I can check in and show her my food diary and talk about any concerns, but she said I’m doing so well that she thinks I’ll be all right even if I miss a full session.”

"So, uh... I guess you're here for Mom and Julian's wedding?"

"Of course," Yuri said. "I promised them I'd play, didn't I? And I've brought my accompanist with me."

Mr. Okamoto laughed at that. "The things I let myself get talked into," he said. "Grace called Yuri about a week ago to ask if he was able to come, or if they should make different arrangements for their wedding music. When he told her he could, she asked if we'd all like to come, and then Julian got on the phone with her and said that if I was coming, I ought to help with the music as well."

"Nothing like being drafted into a project last-minute," I said, amazed that Julian had felt comfortable enough with Mr. Okamoto to even make a request like that. They'd become fast friends when Mom and Julian were in Mt. Komorebi just after my accident, but I didn't think they'd gotten that well-acquainted. I mean, practising a whole set of wedding music with only a couple weeks' advance notice was a huge ask. I'm not sure I'd even ask my best friend in the world to do something like that.

"I don't mind," said Mr. Okamoto, much to my astonishment.

"You don't?"

"Yuri and I hadn't played together in a very long time, and we've been rediscovering how much we like our violin and piano duets. The music isn't that difficult, and we're already familiar with each other's playing style, so I think it'll work out quite well."

"That's...impressive," I said.

"It's an honour for us to play for your parents' wedding."

"I'm grateful to you for agreeing to it," I said, and I totally meant it. One of Yuri's favourite memories that he always talks about is of playing duets with his dad, and I'm glad they've started doing that again. I'm also super happy that Mom and Julian didn't end up having to hire random music students from the local college or something.

I pulled Yuri in for another hug. "And you too, sweet boy. I'm super happy that you... hang on."

"What?" Yuri said.

It'd taken a moment for my brain to register the observation, but it seemed that Yuri felt more solid in my arms than I remembered. "Excuse the change of subject, but have you gained weight?"

I know... not a very smooth question, right? In any other context, it would probably seem rude, but for us it had the complete opposite meaning.

Yuri drew back a little so he could look up at me. His face practically radiated happiness, and his beautiful smile accentuated the new fullness in his cheeks. "You noticed."

I slid my hands down his sides. "I can barely feel your ribs."

"I gained four kilos since you last saw me in person," he told me.

"In three weeks? Really? That's like, more than a whole kilogram per week." I glanced over his shoulder at his parents. "What have you been feeding him?"

From beside her father, Yuki piped up, "Milkshakes!"

"Not just milkshakes." Mr. Okamoto interjected hastily. He seemed to feel the need to be accountable to me, to prove they hadn't been so reckless as to let Yuri subsist on such a limited and arguably unhealthy diet. "He's been trying all sorts of new foods, haven't you, Yuri? But he does enjoy his strawberry milkshakes."

Of course I knew he'd been consuming more than milkshakes, but I acknowledged Mr. Okamoto's explanation with, "I'm glad you've been getting him to try new stuff." And then to Yuri, "Have you tried any other dairy products?"

"Real butter," he said. "And cream of broccoli soup. I didn't like that."

"Because of the broccoli, I guess. What about cheese?"

He made the most adorable face, scrunching up his cute button nose in distaste. "No. Cheese is disgusting."

"Unless it's in strawberry cheesecake," his father commented, looking entertained. "You should've seen him devouring that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Yuri, you ate cheesecake?"

"Mm-hmm, and cinnamon buns and dango. Oh, and ice cream!" Yuri said. "I can't believe I've been missing out on real ice cream this whole time."

“He’s been making up for it,” said Mr. Okamoto. "I've never seen anyone eat so many desserts."

"Well, I guess that explains the four kilos," I said.

Yuri offered up a grin that somehow managed to be simultaneously angelic and cheeky, "Aren't you proud of me, Victor?"

"Very," I said. "Four whole kilograms. That's awesome. You don't want to shoot past your goal, though. I hope you've been eating low-fibre vegetables and healthy proteins along with all your desserts."

"I don't like vegetables," he said.

"You like carrots and squash. I'll make you some carrot soup. That'll be the next thing for you to try, okay?"

"Okay." He leaned into me and nuzzled his cheek against my chest. "I'll eat it on one condition. You need to take me on a date to that ice cream place you're always talking about, with the forty flavours."

I laughed out loud and gave him an affectionate squeeze. I was beyond happy he'd discovered something new that he wanted to eat. "If you're not too tired from the trip, we can go this evening after dinner," I told him. "On one condition."

"Oh? What condition?"

"I know how much you love anything with strawberries, but The Frozen Cone has forty flavours. I really want you to try something other than strawberry."

"Peach?" he ventured.

"Good choice. They probably have that. They usually have orange-pineapple too, and cherry."

Yuri hummed softly, a little sound of satisfaction. "Let's try peach and cherry. I don't want to taste pineapple until we go to Sulani, okay? I want to save that experience for a really special occasion."

"Okay," I agreed.

"If we get a scoop of each kind in a bowl, we can share. Would that be all right?"

"That sounds perfect," I said.

"And you can feed me," he whispered, but evidently not quietly enough to prevent his father from overhearing.

Mr. Okamoto sounded torn between scolding and amusement. "Yuri—"

"One spoonful, because you're cute," I said. "But you'll be on your own for the rest of it. Rules are rules, you know."

"I tried," he said.

"Full marks for effort." I laughed, and kissed the top of his head. "Come on. Let's go inside. I can show you the paint job Leo and I did in your bedroom, and we can give your family the grand tour."

"Our family," he said.

"Our family," I repeated. I nodded to my in-laws. "Come on in."

Mr. and Mrs. Okamoto both thanked me and bowed respectfully, but I think Yuki forgot her manners in her excitement. She bounded forward and grabbed one of my hands. "Yuri said there's a ghost! Can I meet her?"

I smiled. "Well, that'll be up to Sachiko. I think if you call her Kobayashi-san and remember not to use her favourite mug, she'll come out and meet you. Don't be too surprised if she starts making small objects fly around the room, though."

Mrs. Okamoto frowned. "Are you saying the house really is haunted?"

"That's why the asking price was so low," I told her. "Don't worry, though. Sachiko isn't a bad ghost. She's just been here longer than we have, and she thinks it's her place, so her rules should apply."

"I... see," said my mother-in-law.

"What's this about the mug?" asked Mr. Okamoto.

"It's a red one," I said. "It's Sachiko's, and she's very possessive of it. No pun intended."

"Well," said my father-in-law. "A ghost with a mug, a wedding, and my son wanting to go to a forty-flavour ice cream shop. This should be an interesting week."

I couldn't resist a grin. "Family," I said. "Welcome to Willow Creek."

[leojurand]

top 10 8 books of the year

i ended up reading 63 books this year, but since about 17 of them were rereads, this is top 8 out of 46.

i usually don't do top 10s or anything similar because choosing is hard, but i wanted to "force" myself to do it this year, and here are the results!

8. the secret lives of country gentlemen, kj charles

kj charles is my absolute favourite romance author, and i think her formula was perfected with the doomsday duology, even though they're not necessarily my fave books by her. out of the two, i chose secret lives because it was so perfect to me! absolutely adored both mcs, individually and together. i always enjoy the kjc novels that have higher stakes, and i was super invested in this story, and the characters, and everything that happened to them. very beautiful romance scenes. can't wait to read whatever she comes up with next!!

7. the mask of apollo, mary renault

it's still crazy to be that i've only read two mary renault books this year, because i am completely in love with every aspect of her writing. the prose is so gorgeous, and this book was so atmospheric and immersive. i love the slow pace in her novels, and there's always moments of introspection that tug at my heartstrings. and that ending!!

6. gaudy night, dorothy l. sayers

pretty sure the fact that i spent like half an hour talking to a classmate about how amazing the sayers's writing is makes her my author of the year. and it couldn't be any other way! of the lord peter wimsey novels, i think gaudy night is her magnum opus. it was a very personal novel for her, and it shows in the care she put into it. i love harriet vane so much, and i adore peter, and i'm so happy that the peak of their romance and their feelings for each other was reached in such a wonderful book.

i only wanted to choose one book per series, but my other two faves are unnatural death and murder must advertise (i have yet to read busman's honeymoon)

5. the ruins, scott smith

and the award for biggest surprise of the year goes to this book! its adaptation is a very nostalgic movie for me, and last month me and my girlfriend decided to watch it together. i decided that was the perfect time to finally pick up the book, since i'd heard so much about it being so much better, as is usually the case. and god, it is much, much better. fantastic writing, and the characters feel so much more human and real than their movie counterparts. great atmosphere, and the gore? oof. one of those novels that makes me stop in the middle of whatever i'm doing and i think "man, the ruins was so good"

4. the winter prince, elizabeth wein

now, this book truly never left my brain since i read it. i picked it up on a whim and it hit me like a truck, which i didn't expect at all from such a short story. it has one of my favourite styles of prose: simple but so, so pretty. it was so easy for me to connect with the characters, especially medraut, and with the messed up dynamics that are shown here. such a wonderful book, i can't explain

so, do i have any excuse for not having read its sequel yet? no! and i'm planning to do that next month

3. the heaven tree, edith pargeter

this is a trilogy but i think of it as one story, so this includes all three books. the heaven tree gave me everything i wanted it to give me: breathtaking prose, drama, fucked up dynamics, beautiful dynamics, characters that are complex and messed up and that i don't agree with so many times, but i could always understand (well, almost always. the romance in the first book is nonsensical and stupid, but i love these books enough to forgive it). such a beautiful story, with a villain who was as easy to hate and to admire simply by how layered he was.

2. the sparrow, mary doria russell

this is the only book on this list that i've already reread, that's how serious this is. also the most "staring at a wall for an hour after finishing it unable to move" book of the year. made me feel so many emotions i can't even begin to explain. the amount of love and pain in this book can't be measured. emilio sandoz character of all time.

1. fire from heaven, mary renault

second mary renault on the list, and one i've read! also one of my earliest books of the year, because i read this in january. and it has stayed with all these months; my love for it didn't falter for even a second. you know when you consumed a piece of media and think "this was made for me"? well, that's how i felt reading fire from heaven. everything about it was perfect to me, from the prose to the pacing to the dynamic between alexander and hephaistion. you can really tell alexander's story was very important to mary renault (she was pretty much obsessed with the guy, and how very relatable), and now it's important to me too.

so, again, how come i haven't read the sequels yet? well, i tried to the persian boy soon after finishing this one, but 50 pages in and i couldn't get into it, which is sad so i decided to leave it for another time. i think i love fire from heaven too much to fully embrace the change in perspective in the second book. maybe i'm petty because the persian boy is considered the best of the trilogy, and maybe renault's best along with the charioteer. and i just don't think i'll feel the same way! it's hard to believe that it will make me feel the way fire from heaven did. and that's why it has to be number 1 on this list, i'm so incredibly attached to it, 11 months after reading it.

and there it is! it's hard to rank books when they're completely different from each other, but i tried. i would say overall it was a pretty good year... hard to compete with last year because well. i did read 15 dorothy dunnett novels almost back to back then. but still! i'm pretty happy

[msfbgraves]

(But there was one night when Terry was, for lack of a better word, simply mean. It was after a very bitter fight with Michael LaRusso.)

Oof. Bless Daniel’s tender heart, but Terry is giving me marital r*pe vibes here : / Yikes. Did Terry just come back home and snatch him away without warning?

Was Daniel frightened of him this night, did he cry, after in the shower? Was it…consensual, or dubious? Did Daniel want it, or did he resist?

I bet Terry and Michael despise each other! Was Daniel there when they fought, or did he only learn about this after?

When Terry apologized to Daniel the next day, what did the pups think was going on? Did Daniel forgive him immediately or…

Before I say anything else, this is not typical of them, this is one of the biggest crises they faced in their early years of marriage. But sometimes the toxic cocktail of power and danger the whole marriage was supposed to neutralise will rear its head.

And I think, part of Daniel likes things rough. Certainly not often, but the fact that Terry could crush him like a grape holds a certain appeal, as does the fact that he can fuck the madness out of him. So being 'taken' by a feral Alpha until he comes back to earth? Hot.

But this was Terry, angry at his brother Michael, apparently, taking it out on him and maybe the sex act wasn't even any different than anything they'd done dozens of times by now. It was the intent. And when Terry pulled him close this time it wasn't to hold him, but to trap him. But it does calm him, and Daniel by this point is not thinking of himself but of his puppies.

He cannot have this energy around his puppies.

So he nestles in close, whispers nonsense Terry may want to hear, because he needs to get back to them.

He needs to get back to them.

So he gets up, showers, lies down next to his babies and goes to sleep. Robby in his arms, Sammy, Eli and Yasmin draped bodily over him, like little human shields. Baby Gianni in a cot right next to Mama's head.

Terry knows what that means. He's done the same for his Mammy. After Katie, after Daddy's death.

He's crushed. The puppies may not understand what's going on, they can intuit it all too well. So he needs to show he's not a threat. Right here, in their sphere, he needs to get to his knees (that is huge for an Alpha, he can barely get himself to do it in church or even in private), needs to humble himself before their very eyes. He can barely sleep at the thought.

But he does it, and the pups are happy to see him, they love their Daddy, they need things to be well -

But Daniel is distant. He turns away, gets up, hugs his puppies good morning, shushes Sammy, goes for Gianni's baby things. His travel cot.

"Danny, no."

"I need to see my brother."

"Danny please."

'I'll ask Ma to come help you. Sammy, show Daddy where the sandwiches are? And you can heat up the extra pancakes. Fruit's in the fridge."

"Daniel."

"There's juice and milk, Yasmin likes her bubble water. Ragazzi, kitchen, now."

Terry grabs him. "Danny boy..."

Daniel's eyes are stone cold.

"My name is Daniele."

Terry never really finds out what exactly happened while Daniel was at the LaRussos. Lucille arrived by cab and let it take Daniel back to his father's. She pointedly informed Terry that they could take the pups anytime, for as long as necessary, 'just in case.' Louie blabbed years later that apparently, the Don had given Michael the dressing down of a lifetime. Don LaRusso pointedly informed Terry that night that Daniele had a slight fever and didn't want to risk infecting the puppies, he would understand. Any new business he and Michael were at odds about was off, period. You can't expand on shaky ground. On that note. He had booked passage to Sicily. Yes, near Corleone, where they'd had their honeymoon. It was unclear whether Daniele would be up for it, they'd have to see in a few days, but he'd expect a cheque regardless. Be ready to leave. Yes, it has to be this ship. Why, the captain of this ship was a family friend. Ah, yes. And Daniele needs his own car. Yes, in New York too. He likes Ferraris. And the Don will keep an extra set of keys in his house, just in case. And an extra set of keys to his own car, should something happen to this one. His son needs his own transportation. And he has access to his dowry money, of course. Of course, good man. They'll take the puppies for the time being. No it's no trouble. Why don't you come to lunch in three days to iron out the details. Louie will pick you up. No, it's no trouble, Terry, you heard me the first time. Bene. He doesn't know if his son will be there. Let's wait and see. Buona serata to you.

They end up having a great trip, actually, if Daniel misses his puppies. Terry takes him to Ireland next. They visit Amanda, and spend the last three days in Syracuse, from where they sail. The guest house has a great view, which is good, because they barely set a foot outside of it during Daniel's heat.

He returns home pregnant with Anthony.

The Don nods to himself at the news, then kisses his wife.

[cygneheart]

♡𝓂𝓎 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟥 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉 ♡

✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙*˚⁺‧. ˚✩. •̩̩͙˚⁺‧. •̩̩͙

-the rock show // blink 182 -edging // blink 182 -whats my age again // blink 182 -under the tree // sim -the rumbling // sim -psycho //red velvet -daylight // joji -feeling like the end // joji -nonsense // sabrina carpenter -lovers // seven oops -sleepwalking // all time low -just pretend // bad omens -get him back! // olivia rodrigo -vampire // olivia rodrigo -ballad of a homeschooled girl // olivia rodrigo -death // melanie martinez -tunnel vision // melanie martinez -nymphology // melanie martinez -the contortionist // melanie martinez -the bakery // melanie martinez -2004 breakup // the gentle men -let you down // the gentle men -real to me // the gentle men -I'm a mess / avril lavigne -dare to love me // avril lavigne -mercury in retrograde // avril lavigne -all I wanted // avril lavigne & mark hoppus -deja vu // avril lavigne -boys lie // avril lavigne -rock n roll // avril lavigne -21 guns // green day -lost // linkin park -one step closer // linkin park -burn it down // linkin park -papercut // linkin park -tie a cherry // CL -spicy // CL -snapshot // jessica -better late than never // jessica -beep beep // jessica -get it, got it, good // jessica -set me free / jessica -on the wing // owl city -kelly time // owl city -the tornado // owl city -gold // owl city -embers // owl city -invu // taeyeon -ending credits // taeyeon -maroon // taylor swift -you're on your own kid // taylor swift -midnight rain // taylor swift -paris // taylor swift -anti hero // taylor swift -slut! // taylor swift -clean // taylor swift -new romantics // taylor swift -is it over now? // taylor swift -nana // jay park -solo // jay park & hoody -case 143 // stray kids -run bts // bts -fetch // dawko & dheusta -to be beautiful // dawko & dheusta -into the pit // dawko & dheusta -puppy princess // hot freaks -harleys in hawaii // katy perry -music to watch boys to // lana del rey -radio // lana del rey -peppers // lana del rey -fishtail // lana del rey -ocean blvd // lana del rey -fingertips // lana del rey -sweet // lana del rey -honeymoon // lana del rey -cherry // lana del rey -new york // andrew belle -lucia // roosevelt

[autumnsup]

The Velvet Goldmine Soundtrack Imagined As a Flight or Tasting Menu

Arranged According to Flavor and Style

To preface my latest nonsense: I will always appreciate the OST. I even went and bought the vinyl edition (see previous reblog), which makes skipping the less beloved tracks more difficult. Nevertheless, over the years I have done some curating based on the tracks I love most, including adding in a few bonus tracks that didn’t make it onto the OST album.

Back in the early 2000s, it was quite the undertaking to create what I considered to be the “complete” soundtrack to Velvet Goldmine. To collect more tracks, I combed through used CD stores, ripped from CDs found at libraries, and “borrowed” from my dad’s music downloading service pre-iTunes, to make a mix of my own.

I won’t be including that exact mix here, nor will I be mentioning every single song on the OST, but I’ve compiled a few Top 5 lists with flavorful ramblings about each track and why I love it. I’m also realizing as I write that much of what I appreciate about each song is wrapped up with the scene it underscores in the film, making it hard for me to take a step back and judge them on their musical merits alone. Just be warned that some may be more incoherent than others. 🫠

Top 5 Faves

Hot One ✨ Shudder to Think

Flavor profile: smoky-sweet with a dollop of strange

Honestly, this song makes me so happy and nostalgic every time I hear it. If I were to pick one song to play on repeat, this would probably be the one I’d choose. There’s something infectious about the leisurely pace of the piano and bass together, and the nonsensical, somewhat dark lyrics overlaying them, lightly tinged with the rasp of the singer's voice. I could almost imagine Oscar Wilde composing the words, without the references to outer space (unless he was actually – gasp – FROM outer space?).

Bitter-Sweet ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a swirl of bitters and spice with an undercurrent of salt tears

I love this song because it encompasses so many different sounds and moods, and Thom Yorke’s vocal range is incredible. Plus the lyrics are extremely evocative and spot-on for the scene they cover. It’s not entirely clear to me if we actually hear the Flaming Creatures perform parts of it as well, or if they are just lip-synching for the sake of flow between scenes, but in any case, it was very well chosen.

Satellite of Love ✨ Lou Reed (with David Bowie)

Flavor profile: fluffy-sweet layers with a little crunch on top

Another happy-making song for me, although I can eventually get tired of listening to it (doesn’t help that I have it on Lou Reed’s Transformer too). I love that Bowie collaborated on the background vocals and enjoy singing along while I imagine Curt and Brian in the honeymoon phase of their relationship.

Gimme Danger ✨Iggy Pop

as sung by Ewan McGregor

Flavor profile: this may mangle your jaw and sear off your tastebuds but you will still crave it 😵

Seriously, why didn’t they include this on the OST album??? it is my opinion that if they had to pick one Iggy Pop song, they should’ve gone with Gimme Danger instead of T.V. Eye. The Iggy Pop original is good too but it doesn’t have quite the same feeling of angst and emotional oomph that Ewan’s does. I guess it doesn’t have the same level of shock value as T.V. Eye, but melodically and thematically I think it’s a much better song.  It is a crying shame that this performance was overlooked and I still hold hope in my heart that the Ewan recording is in storage somewhere, eventually to be released into the world. (Todd Haynes, take note).

Ballad of Maxwell Demon ✨ Shudder to Think 

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers / Craig Wedren

Flavor profile: a tall glass of rainbow dusted in glitter and charcoal

I have mixed feelings about this track because I can’t decide which version I like better. In general, I’m not a huge fan of JRM’s voice, but for this particular song, it fits the off-kilter he-might-kill-you-in-an-instant tone of the music video so well, it might actually be the better version. I don’t know… feel free to fight me on this, I might just change my mind. Again. But as for the song itself, the lyrics are so nonsensical they're borderline iconic. I mean, "the slap on my ass by a lipstick-kissed elbow glove"?

Top 5 for Sheer Vibes

Velvet Spacetime ✨ Carter Burwell (both versions)

Flavor profile: a smorgasbord of far-out sounds

Speaking of vacillating, I am pretty certain that there are two versions of this track, one of which we hear only briefly during the film. I like the OST version just fine because of how melodic and relaxing it is, but I wish they’d included the film version, which sounds more ominous and gritty. I think it appears during one of the “Arthur hot on the trail” scenes, when he’s walking to the subway or something? Anyway, FANTASTIC vibes from a film composer I’ve learned to love over the years.

2HB ✨ Roxy Music

as performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: a fizzy Bellini-style cocktail made with passionfruit and the finest champagne

This is such an interesting song from start to finish, and is used to beautiful effect in the film. My favorite version of course is the one with Jack Fairy at the end, during the Death of Glitter concert. “Your cigarette traces a ladder” is probably one of my favorite lyrics from the entire film – SO poetic.

20th Century Boy ✨ T.Rex 

as performed by Placebo

Flavor profile: the chunkiest hunk of brittle you’ve ever sunk your teeth into

This song is just so perfect in every way, both in the film and on the OST. I find the melody a bit repetitive and the lyrics boring, which is why I didn’t include in my top faves list, but Placebo’s delivery of it is smashing, right down to the chunky guitar riffs at the very end. Leaves me with chills every time.

The Whole Shebang ✨ Grant Lee Buffalo

Flavor profile: a little bland until the bubbles start popping

A fluffy little song, but I love singing along with the chorus, and it’s a great fit for where it appears in the film. (Note to Todd Haynes and co: can we see the whole music video please? I love JRM’s Elvis-like sneer and head wobbles so much).

Needle in the Camel’s Eye ✨ Brian Eno

Flavor profile: sharp, sweet, sassy lemon

Also an interesting song to me, and one that fits the mood of the opening credits scene like a glove. With repeat listenings I’ve come to believe that even though it comes in hard with those brassy guitar chords, it’s actually not a very heavy song. The sheer joy and simplicity of it really shines through and captures the euphoric feeling of running through the streets with your best mates so well. I’m not even bothered by how repetitive the melody is, because each repetition brings something new with it.

NB: I’d never heard of Eno before and was intrigued to discover that snippets from a couple of his other songs were included in the film (Dead Finks and Fat Lady). They are more curiosities to me than anything I truly love, but I sometimes enjoy listening to them all the way through just for the hell of it.

Top 5 for that Retro Flavor

Do You Want to Touch Me (Oh Yeah!) ✨ Gary Glitter Joan Jett

Flavor profile: velvety-smooth with a little grit and spice sprinkled in

I do like the original version of this track but have a hard time stomaching the thought of supporting the original singer in any way. Thank goodness for Joan Jett’s excellent cover version!

Virginia Plain ✨ Roxy Music

Flavor profile: also smooth as velvet but with no grit to speak of, just bright fruity flavor

This song is pure fun from start to finish and matches the tone of the scene perfectly. I especially love how it ends right at the moment when Shannon is being introduced to the entourage.

Cosmic Dancer ✨  T.Rex

Flavor profile: warm and milky goodness

A delicately winding journey of a song. I love the soft intimacy of Mandy doing Brian’s makeup during it – wish we had one of those scenes for her and Jack or Curt too.

Ladytron ✨ Roxy Music

performed by Thom Yorke and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: can I say chocolate? Stoneground, with both sugar and spice of course.

This song grew on me, thanks in part to the distant bewitching intro before the quavering vocals set in. The guitar solos provide fire for the sex scene between Brian and Mandy, and I like how it fades out at the end (unlike the actual ending of their relationship).

Tumbling Down ✨ Steve Harley

as performed by Jonathan Rhys Meyers and The Venus in Furs

Flavor profile: whipped syllabub with bombastic notes of cherry and lime

This scene with JRM alone and gussied up as Maxwell Demon is possibly the most dramatic finale for a character I’ve ever seen in film or theatre, and I’ve seen a fair amount of both. His rendition of the song doesn’t quite seize me by the heart like other versions I’ve heard (especially the live Steve Harley version with guitar, harmonica and little else), but the musical backing more than makes up for it, along with the tawdry glamor and sparkle of costume and set. The song feels both retro and timeless somehow, despite (or because of?) the nonsensical lyrics, and I find myself singing them every now and then without quite knowing why. RIP Maxwell Demon.

Honorable Mentions

Sebastian ✨ Steve Harley

as sung by Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Flavor profile: a vanilla bean dipped in confectioner's sugar

This song gives me mixed feelings. On the one hand, it has the somber and dirge-like melody that doesn't always sit well with me, but on the other hand, something about JRM’s delivery of it, of Brian’s cool gaze over an audience that doesn’t quite despise him but definitely doesn’t appreciate his unique brand of showmanship, lingers with me. “Your lips ruby blue” – now there’s a line that’s hard to forget.

Diamond Meadows ✨ T.Rex

Flavor profile: huckleberry crumble with blobs of cream

It took me a little while to come around to this song, but I now think it underscores the Brian and Curt doll scene quite well. Childlike, bordering on naughty, and repeating in endearing loops until it abruptly cuts itself short. (That might describe much of Marc Bolan’s opus, come to think of it).

Symphony No. 6 in A Minor ✨ Gustav Mahler

Flavor profile: less of a flavor and more like a whiff of buttery, mouthwatering mystery

I didn’t recognize this as a Mahler piece for a while, but the clip played during Jack’s slow descent down the stairs at the Sombrero, and the following scene of him under intense scrutiny in the restaurant, fits SO well. Carter Burwell or whoever managed to interweave Mahler with 60s soul, glam rock stylings, and the Spacetime theme in the span of just a few minutes was at the top of their game. 💋

@25yearsofvelvetgoldmine

[pbandjesse]

I have been influenced by the internet. I used to really love buying things on wish but I stop doing that a long time ago. Because I just kept buying nonsense. But Jess introduced me to a new website very similar to wish and I gave myself a $25 budget and I bought a couple goofy things. I'm still in my budget for the month. I barely done any shopping at all. So it was a silly decision but I don't feel too bad about it.

And today was a really good day. I wish I slept more. But I had a lot to do. Then tomorrow is going to be even more busy. Hopefully I can get a lot of rest tonight.

When I woke up this morning I felt a little annoyed. And honestly I've just been on this side of annoyed all day. For no real reason. I think I'm just tired. But I woke up and James made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while I got dressed. And very soon after I was stressed I was leaving to go to my doctor's appointment. I was a little stressed about it because you never really know how long these things are going to take. And I had to actually see the doctor today.

I've never been there on a Tuesday and the woman at the desk was different. But she was equally nice. And I got checked in pretty quickly. The woman next to me was huffing and puffing and being seemingly very upset about having to fill out paperwork. But very soon I was getting called back.

The medical assistant was as nice as always. I told him about my trip and how we just got back from camping and hiking and how great it was to not be in pain. And I encourage to look into the Amtrak trips because he wants to do some traveling as well. And then the doctor came in and we chatted for a while. I told her about the weird under skin pimples I've been getting just in case it was possibly a side effect but she told me she's been having that problem lately too and we now think it might just be the pollen in the air. And she told me it's hard to tell about my joints because I am so flexible but she was very encouraged by my blood work and the bit of inflammation in my back right now she isn't too concerned about. So that made me feel good. She said that I should just be careful picking up very heavy things. Which will probably be an issue setting up for camp tomorrow but ah well.

I got my injection and let them know that because of my honeymoon next month we're going to have to put my injection off a couple extra days but they said that that was okay. And then I went and made my appointment for the next 2 months and then I was heading out. Whole thing was about an hour.

So I still have plenty of time to go and get lunch before I had to be at the hospital for art with a heart.

But since I had so much time I decided I would go over to the art with our building and pick up tomorrow's materials. I ended up chatting with Jake for a few minutes while I was there as well. And then I went to have lunch.I drove down the road and went to Chipotle. Which was good but the person behind me was just getting a quesadilla. A small tortilla quesadilla. And they tried to charge him $9 for it. What the heck! He didn't get sides or anything. Just charging for a side tortilla What are you doing?? I left before it was resolved. But that was wild to me.

I ate my car and then I walked around Walgreens for a few minutes. And then I decided I would just go over to the hospital because parking is always an issue there. I had to circle the block a few times and eventually I just went up into the neighborhood. I parked and when I got out of the car a man smiled at me and it turned out he was one of the students and I just didn't recognize him without a mask on. We ended up both being there so early that the door was locked to the classroom so we sat and chairs outside and talked and I told him about the other classes that I do and he had lots of questions about what autism was. And so we talked about that for a long time and eventually the contact for the hospital came and let us in and she joined our conversation. We had another couple adults come in as students. But Julie wasn't there yet. The lead teacher. And I was a little concerned. We're supposed to be there 15 minutes beforehand but it was 1:00 and she wasn't there. So I found her phone number and I texted her just because I was like concerned that something was wrong. And I figured if she wasn't coming I could run to my car and get the project for tomorrow and just use those materials because we had students and I didn't know what to do. But thankfully Julie would come a couple minutes later. I'm not entirely sure what happened but I'm glad that she wasn't hurt. She was huffing and puffing though because she also hates being late. Absolutely understandable. But everybody was just looking forward to doing art. She let us through a guided meditation and then everyone started doing these interesting x-ray portrait pieces. And it was fun talking to people and encouraging them to work in different ways. It was neat I had a really nice time. We also just talked about the programs that I do at camp and some of their memories of camp as children. One of the women told us that when she was a child they took the church she went to to a camp and when they got there they told them that the pool wasn't open anymore because they were all black children and they didn't want the black and the white children to swim together. And she said that it was very painful. And it was just so vulnerable for her to share that with us. And I just am really glad that I'm getting this experience. They've all been such lovely people.

After class I finished helping Julie clean up and pack everything and then we walked to her car because she had some yarn for me. I was supposed to head to the museum next to meet with Merrill to go over some boxes for the research that we're doing to fact check the tours. And I was a little concerned about being late for that so I made sure I sent her a text as well. And then I was saying goodbye and heading back to my car. But I accidentally went the wrong way and got a little turned around. And then my feet hurt really bad but I made it back a little before 3:00.

I got to the museum at 3:15 but Merril texted me that her husband took the car and she didn't know and so it was going to be 45 minutes for her to walk there. And since nobody was answering me at the door anyway I decided that we would scrap it for today and tomorrow we would both just come early for our nighttime shift and see if we can get in there. She said that was a great idea. Merril's really cool though so I'm excited that we are collaborating and talking and stuff. It's nice to make friends.

I was very very thirsty though. I had a bottle of water with me but I had finished it already. My lips were just very very dry. I considered stopping and getting a drink but instead I just went home.

When I got back James was in their office and I was happy to see them but I was in a little bit of a mood. They had said they were going to clean the apartment and it didn't feel much cleaner than when I left it. And it's nothing that is huge I just think I was tired and grouchy. But they would come and lay in bed with me and brought me ice cream. And that made me feel better.

James would head to a baseball game after making pizza for us. And I gave myself another half an hour to lay in the bed and be a vegetable. Before getting up and making myself do some stuff. I worked on my prep for my workshop this weekend. And then I went to figure out my prints because I want to try digitally watercoloring them for the reprints of my Aesop's fables collection book. And then I started working on laying out the text for my commission from Rosia. I texted with her and she thinks maybe she wants gold thread instead of black. I told her the concerns about gold thread but that it's not impossible. So I will go to the store on Thursday hopefully and get those materials. And I was just really productive. I put some stickers on my other water bottle and picked up some stuff in the room. I made some progress on some small projects. It was a really good time. I was feeling really good.

I also went through the box that we keep in the trunk of the car. Got rid of stuff that has been sitting in there for forever and made some choices about what is necessary to keep in the car. And then I took a downstairs and I cleaned out the car a little bit. Just organized it a little bit better. And after that the sun was starting to go down.

Around 7:30 I took a bubble bath and use lots of oils and things and made my skin feel nice. And now I'm just laying in bed with sweetp. I'm getting pretty tired. James isn't home yet. But I just got a text from them and I'm glad that they are having fun. I think I'm going to go paint my toes and brush my teeth. Tomorrow I have a very busy day. I'm going on a tour of a quarry in the morning. Then I have to go to poo talk to set up Thursday's program. And then I have my art with heart class with crafted hands which is the MS group. And then I have my shift for a wedding at the museum. So it's going to be a long day. But fingers crossed that it is just really good. I have high hopes. I hope you all sleep very well tonight and you stay safe. Good night everybody.

[typewriter83]

First of all, glad to see you're back❤️ secondly... I've read chapter nine and I have a lot of things to tell.

First, I was mad at jesse before but now I'm extra mad at him lmao. Last chapter he was acting like dina was at his place and he said he told dina about the kissing, but none of that was true wow. Such a fricking manipulator and for what😭👍 also, I wasn't expecting Dina's story to be like that... Actually I was, I just wasn't expecting Talia in the middle of this. Part of me think that... Well, dina telling maria even before she met ellie would have been the smart thing to do, but I also won't judge because david is the only to blame here.

The bathtub scene was so cute somehow. Just picturing him crouched talking with ellie while she's venting to him on that bathtub while drinking the tea he made for her is something special. Like she's his religion and he's just there; meeting all her needs.

The rest... The rest of the chapter reminds me of that tlou meme gif where ellie opens the door and everything is pure chaos (I hope you know what gif I'm talking about because otherwise I would feel shy rn lol). So, things escalated very quickly: in one moment the pastor was exchanging barbs with joel while tommy was more lost than a nun on her honeymoon, and in another second, ellie's reaction to david invoked something primal and full alpha on joel (which I'm sorry but it was too fucking hot) and broke david's wrist. As much as that made me go 🎉🎉 for david's wrist, that whole chaos shouldn't have happened... Because joel getting all riled up in front of tommy even before david insinuated anything, ellie getting out of his house in his shirt and joel getting agressive and defensive over ellie, All of this, just made Joel look like the big bad wolf in front of people. At the same time, the scene that happened afterwards was... A bit funny, I'm sorry🤣 I mean, it was tense: maria is mad, tommy is confused and mad, everyone is fucking mad. But that whole scene (they mad at joel and ellie sassing maria while tommy was like "ellie, attitude!") seemed like two parents that just found out their sassy teenage girl is in case with an older man she has a crush on. Kind of reminded me of the movie "crazy stupid love" lmao. But well, back to being serious: While maria made it very clear that he never thought well of Joel, tommy is... A hard deal. Like, we can see he's questioning joel's morals and getting protective of ellie, but at the same time it's like he's not believe his brother would do something like that without genuine feelings involved but he doesn't say that out loud because his wife is his boss. I will re-read to see if I'm right, but even seemed like Joel was scowding tommy for that too when he was arguing with him behind the cells. Like when joel was "why are you letting this pastor free out there?" there was an you're letting your wife rule your head like that? unspoken. Or maybe It's just nonsense from my head, idk.

Last but not least: there was two things I wasn't waiting until this chapter: thing number 1 is the fact that our lovebirds were discovered faster than I thought they would. I mean, they started their relationship and david was a new character, I I thought that there was still some stuff to happen between both things before it all went to wind, so that's why I'm as surprised as every character was on this chapter. Thing number two: Ellie knew about David's creep head even before he did anything to her, so I thought "that's the first story that david doesn't try/doesn't have time to put his hands on ellie"... But then someone came and said there was fire at the church, and then I remembered instantly of the burning restaurant scene from the last of us and... Well, I guess this emoji is what I felt🤡🤡🤡🤡 Poor ellie, I bet something happened with her and that's why there's fire at the church. (Good thing is that joel scaped prison right now😈david might meet hell sooner than he was expecting).

*out of breath* so, that was alll tense. Got me anxious thr whole chapter, so I feel like I need to talk about the few less tense things that happened so I guess less anxious: first, joel getting all hot with that bratty behaviour🤭homegirl almost crying and joel thought that was foreplay made me laugh. Which remindes me.... When out of this shit gets calm again, are we gonna find out if the spanking talk is serious???😏cause I think sir Joel liked the idea a little too much huh. he definitely must be holding a belt in his drawer for this moment.

Also he almost said he loves her🗣️🗣️🗣️ I don't think I even have anything to say about it, don't think I could find the words.

Sweet cub, Mama Bear is sat for this. By the time you see this response, I will have been working on this since last Wednesday. Anyone who takes the time to read and analyze something I write to this degree deserves my attention.🫶🏻 maybe we can consider this the appendices to Learning to Walk - let’s dive in:

Let’s talk about Dina, Talia (who will just be a character that is mentioned in passing) and Jesse. Jesse has been in Jackson - with his mom and siblings - the longest, he has the strongest bonds (or so he believes) with the community. Dina and Talia arrived a few years back - and then David and his few survivors sometime after. For the first time in Dina’s life, she was protected, and Talia could rest knowing her sister was safe. So, imagine this young woman’s horror when her r@pist shows up to this safe community and welcomes him with open arms - Talia remembers the old world, she knows what Maria did for a living (I’m playing off show-Maria in this story, that she was a prosecutor), she knows that men like David didn’t pay for their crimes and could twist the truth to their favor. Talia is trying to protect Dina, Jesse is over protective of Dina, and Dina just wants to live her life.

That being said, this is not the Dina from part 2, this Dina - like Ellie - is younger, and they don’t know one another. Dina is protecting her sister, trying to keep them both from being kicked out of Jackson because that’s what Talia has been telling Dina could happen. Jesse, because his head is up Tommy’s ass all the time, agrees with this assessment, because Jackson operates within a very delicate balance - despite Maria believe there’s law and order, it’s really people just trying to get by, keeping their noses down and staying out of trouble.

Enter Joel. Everyone in Jackson knows the stories about Joel because Tommy is a storyteller, he wants to feel a sense of belonging, and he never thought Joel would show up in Jackson. When Joel asks Maria “why did you let me stay,” she tells him she thought he was deserving of a second chance, but in reality it’s Tommy protecting his brother. Joel tries to carve out a place for himself in Jackson, but even with a partner - Esther - he can’t settle, can’t let himself live.

Which is where the story began way back on the side of a mountain in December 2035 😉

Ellie’s been kind of off for a couple chapters - the whole world came crashing down around her shoulders - she walked into the room on fire, right? Now that things are on the mend and her fuzzy brain is starting to clear - let’s just fuck with our poor girl some more, why not, right? Because a showdown has to happen between her and David and that man (if we can fucking call him that) is not going to like that Ellie knows about Dina and Talia, and we’re assuming other girls. He thinks it’s his job to be her protector and.. oh wait, we’re not there yet! 🫢

But - the showdown is coming at the church, and we’re gonna go back to the night Joel was arrested and see those 3 days Joel was in jail from Ellie’s POV. Someone mentioned to me that this whole thing with David and Ellie happened too fast - but remember that the winter sequence happens over a matter of days, David sees Ellie and decides he’s keeping her (whether your a game follower or show follower) - so this build up was coming.

Last - but most certainly not least - our lovebirds. Yes, Joel almost said it, they got caught, and Ellie being a brat turns them both on. While I’m not gonna give away the farm, this part of the story is winding down, and will go to a resting place until the next arc starts up. Ellie being a brat will be revisited in the future. As for someone saying the L word - just to put on “But Daddy I Love Him” by Taylor Swift while you wait patiently for Chapter 10!

🫶🏻

[stonecoldmeme]

"All of us..." They weren't actually all marrying each other. That would be a mess of paperwork and a mess of vows, right? And each of their relationships were quite different, as well. Sort of. "I want a room for us, and a room for them. First night. And then... we'll probably do some camping, right? But we could switch every night. Maybe. And at the end celebrate in a big snuggle fest." Noctis was mostly planning the honeymoon stuff, but Gladio... had some not exactly opposing thoughts, but maybe not the same, either. "Gotta be gentle, with Noct. You know he gets overwhelmed. I haven't even done much with him. Hold him. Kiss him sometimes. I just know he doesn't like too much attention." And other times he wanted all of it? Noctis was weird.

A playful little smirk settled on Ignis' face as he listened to Gladio's ideas, thought he couldn't say he disagreed with them. "Sounds perfect, honestly. A good way to start-- A new life together." It wasn't like he hadn't heard those words before about marriage, of course, and probably even said them at some point, but at that moment they simply felt like... more. A good kind of more.

He gave an acknowledging hum to Gladio's thoughts about Noctis, not sure that he had advice, exactly. "Well, if anyone's a true expert in Noctis, it's Prompto. Not that I'm sure that's always helpful in every situation. Though if you do happen to think of him as a bit of a cat, he makes a bit more sense." That had been his experience, at least. He might be speaking complete nonsense to anyone else. "In the worst case, at least he rarely bites."

[thatscarletflycatcher]

This is such a good, interesting piece of meta!

However, I do heavily disagree with the assumption that Jane Eyre was conclusively set in Georgian times. Unlike both Wuthering Heights and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, no proper dates are ever provided, so the time setting must be guessed through. The fact that Rochester is said to have been traveling the continent and been in Paris in the previous decade to the events of the novel, that the Jane/Rochester honeymoon involves a continental tour, that Rochester sees Celine and her lover under gaslight, and that he brings Adele to England on a steamer all point towards a post-1820s date, or at the very least a post 1815 date (you cannot be happily wandering about Europe and Paris specifically, as a British subject specially so, during the French Revolution (1789-1799) and the Napoleonic wars (1803-1815). Besides that, it makes sense, as Jane Eyre is written as a personal biography being published a decade after the central events of the novel, that those events would be set about a decade before the date of publication, landing them in the late 1830s (I do agree that adaptations set in the 1840s proper, such as 96 and 2011 is nonsense).

Re: Bertha's adultery, I do think the "unchaste" thing heavily implies that she was unfaithful, and I do think Rochester includes it as a way of lessening his own later fault in taking lovers himself. But as you say, the infidelity had to be proven, and I do think once she's declared insane, it wouldn't have mattered any way because she'd lack moral responsibility for her actions, and as wives were dependent on their husbands (as you point out), her insanity is an element against any chances of his divorcing her at the time.

Separation is what in fact Rochester and Bertha have; they do not live like husband and wife. But that doesn't solve Rochester's ProblemTM which is that he wants to be married and have a wife who is his intellectual companion.

A declaration of nulity is a confirmation that there never was a marriage in the first place, for a variety of reasons, main ones being A) a forbidding impediment existed - i.e. the couple are related to each other in a degree that is forbidden (i.e. they are half siblings) B) there was a vice in consent (i.e. one of the parties was kidnapped and forced into marriage against their will). Consummation or no consummation are irrelevant to nulity; that is only relevant for a dissolution of the marriage (what in Catholicism is called the Petrine Privilege: the Pope can dissolve a marriage that has been celebrated but not consummated).

There were two possibilities for Rochester in terms of annulment: A) that there was vice in Bertha's consent (she was insane enough when they married that she wouldn't be able to consent at all); B) That there was vice in his consent (information that would have changed his decision of marrying her was purposefully witheld from him to that end).

The first case, as you point out, can go nowhere; to Rochester's mind she wasn't mad until after they married, and officially she was not declared insane after years had passed.

The second case I do feel applies; if Rochester knew her mother and grandmother had gone insane, and had he known her character beforehand, he believes he wouldn't have married her. But he has to prove that such information was withheld from him. And the only people that can witness to that are... the Masons. Who were clearly desperate to get rid of her and wouldn't cooperate with something that would mean taking her back (as you point out). I think this is part of why Rochester feels like he's not married to Bertha at all sometimes, and that what separates him from Jane is mere convention and paperwork (he believes there never was a marriage, but he cannot prove it). But he does have his doubts about it, clearly, as his taking women as only mistresses shows. I do think there's a self awareness in Rochester that he's an idiot and that maybe even knowing Bertha's backstory he would have married her anyways because he was young and stupid and hormonal.

I don't think by the 1800s a divorcee couldn't legally remarry; Austen treats it as a very real possibility that Mr Rushworth may remarry after divorcing Maria in Mansfield Park; and Lord Lowborough also remarries after he divorces Isabella in Tenant. Both were cases of easily proven infidelity of the wife. So I'd assume the quote from Inside the World of Bridgerton... is either equating separation with divorce (in the cases that were not parliamentary divorces) or maybe at the time both were known as divorce (sounds unlikely to me, but I cannot disprove it).

Why Mr. Rochester and Bertha Mason Couldn't Get a Legal Separation; or, the Utter Madness of Marital Laws

So I saw a Jane Eyre post discussing why Mr. Rochester and Bertha Mason couldn't get a legal marital separation. I've thought a lot about this topic, and in order to procrastinate writing the final for my upper-level Brontë class, I've decided to write this sort of convoluted analysis instead. I know many others have written about this subject, but I wanted to explore a bit further on my own.

Preliminary context about me, the Brontës, their Byronic inspiration, etc.: I've learned a lot about 19th century British marriage laws recently in my classes on old British literature, as well as by having studied Byron, whose marital separation in 1816 was a notorious part of his history & also reverberated through 19c literature. He refers to this separation in many of his works, most famously in his notorious poem "Fare Thee Well." Harriet Beecher Stowe, the most famous American female writer at the time, was friends with Lady Byron and wrote a book defending her called "Lady Byron Vindicated: A history of the Byron controversy from its beginning in 1816 to the present time" (the original callout post).

Insanity accusations did factor in to Byron's separation. Many scholars have remarked how the Queens of Byronic Criticism, the Brontë sisters, took significant inspiration from their well-worn copy of Moore's biography Life of Byron when creating their works. The Brontës would have been very familiar with marriage laws not only due to their knowledge of Byron's trainwreck of a marriage, but also due to being well-educated women at the time who knew that marriage was the most important economic decision of one's life and could very well make or break a person. As a result, marriage plays a significant role in their novels.

More relevant preliminary context about the novel: Jane Eyre actually takes place in the Georgian era, despite most adaptations and anaysis presenting is as a Victorian piece due to the novels publication date (this drives me crazy; same goes for the other Brontë books). Marriage laws did not change drastically from the time the novel is set to the time Brontë was writing the novel, but things were a bit different socially. Rochester was also married 15 years before his attempt to marry Jane. According to this very good analysis, Rochester and Bertha probably married in or around the year 1793: https://jane-eyre.guidesite.co.uk/timeline.

Now, here are the reasons why Rochester couldn't separate from Bertha:

1) Insanity wasn't grounds for divorce/separation in the Regency era.

Rochester himself says that he couldn't legally separate from her because of her insanity, which presumably rendered any of her faults null on the grounds of that marital vow "in sickness and in health." This is possibly one of his biggest reasons:

"I was rich enough now – yet poor to hideous indigence: a nature the most gross, impure, depraved I ever saw, was associated with mine, and called by the law and by society a part of me. And I could not rid myself of it by any legal procedings: for the doctors now discovered that my wife was mad — her excesses had prematurely developed the germs of insanity [..]"

2) Divorce was nearly impossible anyway.

There had only been around 300 divorces in English history at the time. Almost all of them were husbands divorcing their wives for committing adultery. Only a handful of divorces had succesfully been obtained by women, and they were only in cases where the husband had committed incestuous adultery or bigamy, and was extremely physically cruel. So technically after his bigamy attempt, Bertha may have had more grounds to obtain a divorce than Rochester would have, if only she were lucid enough to do so. However, in that scenario infertility would have helped their case, and Adèle's existence would have harmed their case if he attempted to seek a divorce before marrying Jane. Though as the novel explains, Adèle is probably not his, she definitely would have been used against him, as would the fact that he kept Bertha's existence a secret in England. But he wouldn't have tried for divorce that late in the game anyway, considering it was one of the most difficult options.

3) Female adultery was your best bet at divorce or separation, and this probably wasn't applicable to Mr. & Mrs. Rochester.

Although some scholars claim that there is subtext hinting that Bertha was adulterous (which some adaptations, like the 2006, include), you needed substantial proof of the adultery, which Rochester may not have had if it did occur. Being a proud man, he also wouldn't have wanted to be humiliated in that way by letting it be publicly known (as shame is one of his main reasons for hiding their marriage to begin with).

However, I lean toward the idea that Bertha may not have committed adultery. If she definitively did, seeing how affected Rochester was by Céline cheating on him (he shot her lover in revenge and left her with a stipend), if he ever suspected adultery on Bertha's part then I'm sure he would have been at court the very next day. I also think Rochester tries not to be too much of a hypocrite, and he is well aware that he himself is an adulterer, so he probably doesn't want to accuse Bertha of a crime he's committed and which he couldn't definitively prove she did.

Rochester does talk about hating Bertha's "vices" when they lived together, citing drinking, arguing, cruelty to servants, cursing, her being "unchaste," a "harlot," etc. - the last epithets, combined with her supposed lack of morality, and her being described as seductive, heavily imply that adultery could be added to her list of offenses. However, if she did truly cheat on him as well, I don't see why he wouldn't plainly tell this to Jane as well. I would imagine it would be his first complaint, and it would probably be considered his most justifiable reason against her by their cultural standards.

I don't see why he wouldn't jump to take Bertha's infidelity as an opportunity to defend his own actions, considering how open he is with Jane about his own adultery and being cheated on by Cèline Varens. While I can see how some of the textual evidence may strongly suggest Bertha's adultery, we cannot be fully certain, and that may be because Rochester himself is not fully certain. I cannot see why he wouldn't have sought legal advice on that account alone.

In short, if Bertha was an adulterer, there must have been no evidence to convict her.

Also: while the double-standard may seem odd and trivial to us, the reason why female adultery held more weight than male adultery has entirely to due with old patriarchal inheritance laws; i.e the risk of a wife getting extramaritally pregnant and passing the illegitimate child off as her husband's heir was considered too great of an affront. A man could have as many bastards as he wanted because he would know they were bastards and were not at risk of inheriting his stuff. One needed legitimate heirs to justify passing on one's ancestral wealth to. Essentially, marriage was a mere economic tool, and the economy was and is inherently patriarchal. I digress.

4) Rochester's lack of social & economic leverage, and risk of social ruin in general.

Only the wealthiest of the wealthy could obtain divorce or official separation, and it often led to social ruin. Rochester is rich, but he has no title and no great network of supporters due to being a younger son and having been abroad for most of the past 15 years (this was the length of his marriage to Bertha, stated by Mr. Briggs during the bigamous wedding attempt). He doesn't have as much leverage as Lord and Lady Byron had.

To continue on official separation, like Lady and Lord Byron obtained. Just like divorce, this was also a messy and scandalous legal proceeding, and required numerous good reasons to obtain, and being well-connected Lords and Ladies really helped your case. You also needed many witnesses and written statements as evidence. Bertha's family, as we see with Mason, would have been unhelpful to Rochester, and due to his shame and secrecy, no one could really testify on his behalf I'm assuming.

5) Unofficial separation would have been inconvenient, especially in regards to living situations.

Aside from divorce, which was extremely rare, extremely controversial, and only for the wealthiest members of society — there were unofficial and official separations. An unofficial separation was simply living apart from one another. I've often wondered why Rochester didn't simply move Grace Poole and Bertha somewhere else, but my main theory is that it would have been cost ineffective, and due to his family who were implied to be shitty, he probably really didn't want to live at Thornfield anyway so thought it would be convenient to place her there. Rochester says it would be dangerous to place her in his other residence of Ferndean:

"[..] though I possess an old house, Ferndean Manor, even more retired and hidden than this, where I could have lodged her safely enough, had not a scruple about the unhealthiness of the situation, in the heart of a wood, made my conscience recoil from the arrangement. Probably those damp walls would soon have eased me of her charge: but to each villain his own vice; and mine is not a tendency to indirect assassination, even of what I most hate."

6) Annulment was likely impossible given their circumstances.

Annulment means evaporating the marriage, acting as if it never existed, that it was a mistake. This was rare and only granted in unique circumstances, and I believe it was more common with aristocracy and royals. I believe you could possibly get an annulment if you could prove that the spouse was insane at the time of the wedding and you did not know. However, Bertha did not begin to truly deteriorate until after they had been living together for a bit. And while Rochester says that he did not know her mother was in an asylum until after the wedding, having an insane mother doesn't mean that you are insane, which Bertha clearly wasn't at that point, at least not in a way that people would have publicly acknowledged, since Rochester says she attended parties and her hand was highly sought after.

Generally, the longer a marriage had gone on, the harder it was to prove why it could not go on. Rochester says that he and Bertha "lived together" for "four years" in Jamaica while her condition deteriorated and he tried to make things work. And again, after the wedding he found out her mother was "mad, and shut up in a lunatic asylum." So we have more reasons for Rochester's difficulty: the fear of Bertha going to an asylum while she was still mostly lucid in those first four years, combined with the fact that they openly lived together and certainly must have consummated their marriage (things which would further prevent annulment), and were certainly publicly recognized as a couple in Spanish Town society, and her family wanting the marriage to continue so she could have children of "good race" i.e. to produce heirs.

Here's an important passage that to me suggests that Rochester and Bertha not only had an initial flirtation but likely consummated their marriage, likely had a passionate sexual relationship for some time, and likely implies his feelings for her were more complex than we'd initially assume, making annulment not so clear-cut of an option to him at the time:

"My father said nothing about her money; but he told me Miss Mason was the boast of Spanish Town for her beauty: and this was no lie. I found her a fine woman, in the style of Blanche Ingram; tall, dark, and majestic. Her family wished to secure me because I was of a good race; and so did she. They showed her to me in parties, splendidly dressed. I seldom saw her alone, and had very little private conversation with her. She flattered me, and lavishly displayed for my pleasure her charms and accomplishments. All the men in her circle seemed to admire her and envy me. I was dazzled, stimulated: my senses were excited; and being ignorant, raw, and inexperienced, I thought I loved her. There is no folly so besotted that the idiotic rivalries of society, the prurience, the rashness, the blindness of youth, will not hurry a man to its commission. Her relatives encouraged me; competitors piqued me; she allured me: a marriage was achieved almost before I knew where I was. Oh, I have no respect for myself when I think of that act! — an agony of inward contempt masters me. I never loved, I never esteemed, I did not even know her."

7) Spousal abandonment wasn't possible, and on some level he honored his legal and financial obligations to her and the Mason family.

Bertha's family likely refused to house her for legal and personal reasons, and spousal abandonment was forbidden due to the husband's financial responsibility as well as the law of coverture (a wife became her husband's full legal responsibility; some say "property"). Like we see in Anne's Tenant of Wildfell Hall, if a woman ran away from their spouse they would have to live in obscurity and be at risk of being sussed out. You couldn't just abandon your partner. Still, people did, because it was the easiest route to take.

But the more upper-class you were, and the more financial entanglements you had, the more inconvenient this was. We know that Rochester and his family became enmeshed with the Mason family, and he got a lot of money from Bertha, so her father likely would have taken him to court. At any rate, Rochester was legally bound to bring Bertha with him to England when he left Jamaica. If he attempted to abandon her in Jamaica, the backlash it would have brought would have brought him social ruin and foiled his chances at getting away with any bigamy attempts.

All this brings us to a further notice of Bertha's family situation. Based on Charlotte Brontë's positive comments about Rochester's character (https://www.tumblr.com/burningvelvet/731403104856195072/in-a-letter-to-w-s-williams-14-august-1848) I see no reason to suspect him, like many feminist critics do, of being an unreliable narrator or of lying about Bertha Mason's history. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and in mine, that is simply not the novel Charlotte wrote. By her own admission, she wanted his narrative to be a path to further goodness.

It makes no narrative sense for our explanation of his and Bertha's history to be full of lies when he's trying to make ammends with Jane, who never suspects him of lying during his admission, but who does critique him and figure he'd tire of her like she was one of his many mistresses. Jane wonders if Rochester would lock her in an attic too, which he refutes on the basis that he loves her more than he loved Bertha when she was sane, and so he would care for Jane himself. Jane also tells him that it's not Bertha's fault that she's mad. So in my opinion, if Charlotte wanted us to believe Rochester was lying about his and Bertha's history to make himself look better or Bertha look worse, I don't see why she would have been vague about it, and I don't see why Jane wouldn't have called it out like she does everything else. I don't think Rochester is really a villain who locked his harmless wife in the attic for giggles; I think he weighed most of his options and found, like most people back then and even today, that keeping his problems locked up and ignored was the best solution.

Now, on with the point. I have often wondered why Rochester didn't simply "unofficially separate" from Bertha by leaving her with her family when he left. Why did he take her to England? Why didn't he just run away? It wasn't because he was an evil villain who wanted to keep her as a trophy. It's because 1) I don't think her father would have let him, as he was so quick to marry her off, 2) he felt obligated to her, and 3) it was criminal for men to abandon their wives, and it would have attracted publicity, which is what Rochester was avoiding by taking Bertha to England and sheltering her in secrecy.

Many claim that Rochester's adultery is a betrayal of his wife; and while religiously, narratively, socially, we can accept this statement, it was not legally a crime. While Rochester does honor his financial and legal obligations to his wife and her family, he does not take the religious part of the vows into account, and that's why he's cosmically punished and only rewarded after he repents, as he explains toward the end of the novel.

Another interesting point is that when Rochester recounts his decision to move back to England, he tells us that Bertha had already been declared insane in Jamaica and that she was already confined there (presumably around the 4 year anniversary before they left), meaning her father probably knew about confinement:

"One night I had been awakened by her yells (since the medical men had pronounced her mad, she had of course been shut up) — it was a fiery West Indian night; [..]"

Locking away "insane" people was standard procedure then, and if this was done with Bertha's father's knowledge, considering he locked his own wife away in an asylum, then this further absolves Rochester of a lot of the blame in my opinion. It more than likely wasn't his idea to lock her away, but the advice of "the medical men" and presumably her father's consultation as well.

8) Even if he divorced or separated from her, he couldn't remarry. Attempting these, or getting caught attempting abandonment, would have brought negative publicity that would have likely prevented the success of any future bigamy attempts. To him, secrecy and bigamy seemed better chances at securing happiness than the social ruin and likely failure the other options would have brought him.

Aside from Rochester's own explanation (which I supplied in #2 re: the separation veto inherent to Bertha's insanity), the other biggest reason as to why Rochester wouldn't seek a separation/divorce even if she hadn't been declared insane and even if he were willing to accuse her of adultery truthfully or not, is due to the fact that one could not legally remarry upon separation or divorce (unless you were Henry VIII and got God's permission lol). Rochester's impossible dream is that he wants to be married to someone he really loves, and if secrecy and bigamy are his only options then he is willing to succumb; this is shown in numerous passages:

"[..] I could reform — I have strength yet for that — if— but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am? Besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure out of life: and I will get it, cost what it may."

"I will keep my word: I will break obstacles to happiness, to goodness — yes, goodness; I wish to be a better man than I have been; than I am — as Job's leviathan broke the spear, the dart, and the habergeon, hinderances which others count as iron and brass, I will esteem but straw and rotten wood."

"Is there not love in my heart, and constancy in my resolves? It will expiate at God's tribunal. I know my Maker sanctions what I do. For the world's judgment — I wash my hands thereof. For man's opinion — I defy it."

Closing remarks on the above's validity: I can't cite all my sources because a lot of this stuff I learned from lectures via my professor who specializes in 19th century English literature & history. But here's some recently published information from a historian, taken from "Inside the World of Bridgerton: True Stories of Regency High Society" by Catherine Curzon (2023):

"And if you were one of the newly-weds, you really did hope things would work out, because in the Regency till death do us part wasn't just an expression. As the Prince Regent himself had learned when he separated from his wife within eighteen months of their marriage, obtaining a divorce in Regency England was no easy matter. He never achieved it, and for those who did the stakes could be high and the cost ruinous in every sense."

"Until the passing of the Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857, which legalized divorce in the civil courts, it was governed by the ecclesiastical courts, and the Church didn't end a marriage without very, very good reason. Even these divorces didn't allow a couple to remarry, though, and they were more akin to what we would today call a legal separation, with no shared legal or financial responsibilities going forward. It was freedom, but only to a point."

"The only way to obtain a complete dissolution that allowed for remarriage was to secure a parliamentary divorce, and these were notoriously difficult to obtain. They began with a criminal conversation case, because they relied on adultery by one of the parties to make them even a slight possibility. If a woman committed crim. con., her life in polite society was over."