#a bunch of ppl helped me put this into words btw.

[spacelesscowboy]

AND ANOTHER THING. saying that the latinos who voted for trump aren’t “real latinos” overlooks the fact that a lot of latinos (ESPECIALLY 2nd gen and immigrants. undocumented or not) are conservative.

this doesn’t make them less latino. being latino does not mean being progressive, or liberal, or socialist or etc. it just means you’re from latinamerica.

denying them their identity doesn’t make them exempt from anything. it just ignores the issues in our community of colorism, classism, queerphobia, and xenophobia. just because you’re latino (just because you’re not white) does not mean you’re not complicit. it doesn’t absolve you of anything.

[amwritingmeta]

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped. 

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah? 

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis. 

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely. 

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating  each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season. 

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me. 

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it... 

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power. 

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah? 

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something. 

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

[kae-karo]

fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

[rainbowrider1290]

My take on a Genshin Impact Circus AU Part 4 with Noelle as a strongwoman and Amber as a death-defying archery stuntwoman. Their backstories are under the cut!

Noelle:

First off I have a very self-indulgent headcanon that she is ridiculously strong. Like. Can benchpress people. Canonverse or AU.

She used to help out around the circus and she was kind of indifferent to the fact that she was likely going to be a maid. It's a respectable profession. And helping out at her childhood friends' (Kaeya and Diluc) manor as she'd been born into doing seemed like a good job.

How she got into the circus life requires a bit of backstory. Back when they were kids, Kaeya, Diluc, and Noelle would mess around (as kids do) and have little challenges for themselves. Who can run the fastest, who can do the best cartwheel, who can jump the highest, and the like.

Noelle got a little hesitant as she got into her early teens bc she was always told to be ladylike, so she spent one or two of their hangout sessions watching Kaeya and Diluc and talking. One day, however, Kaeya and Diluc are being Teenage Boys and lifting heavy things trying to outlift each other. Noelle has lifted furniture when cleaning up after these two so she figures this one unladylike thing would be okay.

She comes up behind them and just. Picks them both up. On top of the things they were lifting already. Kaeya and Diluc have to take a second and just look at her like "yeah no you are never sitting out of our competitions again"

And so they try other things like cartwheels and tests of courage like who can climb the highest on a tree and things are back to normal.

Skip forward a few years and Crepus dies. There's a huge mystery around it that not even his son's attendants are privy to. The only thing people know is that the sons have been sent away to boarding school. The whole manor is abandoned, all the workers fired.

Noelle for the next few years spends her time working at laundromats, and other odd jobs, but eventually she runs out of luck and suddenly there's too many people and not enough opportunities.

One of her friends from one of her old jobs invites her to go out and see this new circus that happens to be in town. She goes because why not. And wouldn't you know it one of the acts is her childhood friends doing these death-defying stunts that hit her with a wave of nostalgia bc their entire act consists of essentially the song "anything you can do" but with more and more dangerous stunts.

Noelle of course has to say hi, so they catch up and Noelle's lack of work comes up and would you look at that Aether and Lumine happen to have an opening for a maid.

So Noelle settles in, continuing to lift heavy shit to clean under it (Bennett swears up and down he saw her lift a fridge once but he might've been sleep-deprived). She also got into helping Chongyun with the techy stuff so sometimes she'll be at tech rehearsals moving things around and one time a rope holding up a person breaks near Noelle and she. catches it.

Now, one night. One of the acts drops out at the last moment bc injury or last-minute commitment or the like. And it leaves a gap in the show. Everyone else is busy. And panicking bc the circus is still relatively new and they really need to build their rep rn.

They start wondering what kind of last-minute acts they can put together like "what about the gymnasts??" "They all have group routines" "do they have old routines??" "Not polished enough for what we need" and someone somewhere pipes up "man I wish we had a strongman or something" and Diluc and Kaeya immediately whip their heads around to look at each other for like half a second before Kaeya bolts. He finds Noelle doing her usual rounds she's been doing for like a month now and Bennett was right, she is currently under a mini-fridge that she is lifting over her head whilst leaning it against a wall.

Kaeya takes Noelle by the shoulders and just zooms her over to where the commotion is happening and pitches the idea to Aether and Lumine. They're hesitant as hECK bc this is a huge risk they're taking since Noelle isn't even a performer but Diluc pitches that they could literally just scatter really heavy items and have Noelle clean under them and as long as she looks at the audience every once in a while it can be played off as a bit.

Noelle with qUITE the stammer says that she'll try her best but at this time is in need of a moment. She has never performed before. Kaeya and Diluc have to go perform so they leave her with a shoulder squeeze and a thumbs up.

She gets on-stage. She flinches under the lights for a second. She takes a deep breath and focuses on the first thing before her with her best "oh heavens, it's filthy in here", and she gets through the entire act by doing that for every object. So the audience is seeing this seemingly petite young girl lift the equivalent of a hecking car in order to clean under it.

Needless to say, there's roaring applause the second Noelle leaves (which she hears from far away because holy shit I just cleaned for people and they liked it)

This was a bit of a one-time thing and she goes back to her regular maid duties until the circus gets a new strongman by the name "Zhongli".

His style is more about lifting exTREMELY LARGE ROCKS, and breaking them in half whilst giving a history/geology lesson on them.

He quietly observes the maid who he hears fantastical stories of That One Time She Charmed An Audience By Cleaning. He was bewildered at first but saw the merit of it while watching her clean. He immediately decides that this girl has sO MUCH. POTENTIAL that is being wasted by having her work as a maid. He has nothing against maids or their profession, but he invites her to train with him.

Noelle gets hELLA stronger and they come to a conclusion. Noelle performs part-time and is a maid part-time. She doesn't have a particular performance style. She'll sometimes play catch with Zhongli and his big rocks, other times she'll be in the background of performers like Amber in the art lifting some hEAVY SHIT.

She gets along with Chongyun super well bc Chongyun has to make less trips to move his equipment since he's worked with her. She's a blessing for when they have to pack up and move.

Amber:

Amber's story is a little more straightforward. She started out engaged to a suitor. Amber was the kid in kindergarten who was learning about dragons and "idk what everyone else was doing". She's known what she wants for a long time, and what she wants at the moment, is not a relationship.

Throughout her childhood she was a very lonely child. Her family exposed her to lots of academic or ladylike things (do not ask me when this au is set, it's the 1800s and the 1990s at the same time or a suspendes steampunk time) to get her away from the thing she liked most: archery. She'd been exposed to it as a kid and latched on.

This drove a bunch of suitors away, so her family got more desperate and exposed her to more classes and activities to get her away from it. She went "that's easy, I'll just practice at night"

So she does that. She practices at night and underperforms in the coming weeks. It is during this time that her parents (high class ppl) find her a man to marry for some business deal idk.

The man's nice enough. It's just obvious he can only take Amber in small doses, and Amber takes full advantage of this to practice and stay in shape.

How Amber gets into the circus life was essentially running away. She bonds with Eula over this.

So because of all the attempts to make her fit into the ideal lady description, her rebellious streak said "yeah we're going to go as far away from that as possible" and she goes "I'm going to run away with the circus" bc that's what the books she's read say is the most rebellious thing you can do.

She finds THE FIRST circus she sees and begs to be let in. This is the shadiest most sketchy place but Amber sees it as the key to her freedom. She signs a contract.

They treat her like the US treats their students. She barely gets time to practice for performances and she's mostly doing dirty work. When they ask her what she can do she's like "I'm really good at archery" and they go "cool, you're going to be doing that while everything is on fire now. Can you do a handstand"

Essentially they push her and push her and push her to do more and more hazardous things she has to pick up on under the threat of being kicked to the curb.

After a while of this Amber is extremely burned out (pun intended) and as she's packing up after one of her shows, covered in burns but proud bc she hit all her targets without killing anyone, she's approached by a blond foreigner.

Tbh for all she's read, Amber really doesn't consider leaving and this time she can't run away since she's now bound by a contract (not Zhongli's btw in case anyone was wondering).

This foreigner tells her that there's so many ways to improve her situation and that he runs a circus looking for members.

Amber refuses since she's not getting tangled up in another legal mess, but she takes his advice on how to take care of her burns, and improve safety while she's performing.

Skip a few months. She hears word of this mysterious new circus around. Her encounter with who she'll later know as Aether stuck with her, and so she goes. To see whether she could really shoot her arrows without being burned alive.

After a show one night, she tries to get past security and fails repeatedly. She turns to leave and wouldn't you know it there's Aether. And Lumine. Waiting for her once she turns the corner. Amber's biggest concern is her existing contract and when Aether and Lumine say they have a nICE lawyer, Amber sees her next step to freedom.

Aether and Lumine essentially gain custody of Amber (but like for adults) and Amber is. Shocked. She's walked through her new contract of employment clearly and essentially treated like a human being.

And now that she knows things and has more freedom (though still under the watchful eyes of Aether and Lumine to see how she does) her creativity and competitive streak flourish. She decides she actually doesn't hate fire, she just doesn't like when she doesn't know when or where it's coming. And she makes fast friends with the gymnasts, so she ends up incorporating that into her routines. Now she uses her canon goggles to protect her from the burning eyes of prolonged smoke exposure when she uses fire.

When she meets a little pyromanic girl named Klee, she's thrilled that someone this chaotic and sure of herself exists.

[brightlotusmoon]

hiiii umm you commented on one of my fics so i checked ur stories out and u have a ton of empath / psychic mikey fics that i put on my to read list! turns out ur tumblr is the same name as ur ao3 so here i am :) its a popular hc that mikey is an empath because of some stuff in 2012 about the kraang dimension and his neurodivergence. or so i thought bc i did some digging and this hc seems to precede 2012. youve been in the fandom longer than most and im not calling u old i swear T^T i just want to ask what made empath mikey so popular. dont get me wrong i love it and im writing a huuuge fic about it (8 chaps in already!) so i hope u dont think im questioning its validity ;-;

i can message u on my blog btw if u want 🥺 i have autism and adhd too and i always love talking to neurodivergent ppl about my interests

Well, uhh... it's popular because... I made it popular. *looks left, looks right* I might have started a trend.

So, back in the 2000s, I had written this really long fic called Cold Fire that got around and then I noticed that other writers were doing similar things that I had done, and then life got busy for a decade, and when I came back I rewrote the whole thing for 2012 Mikey, and then I met @ulisabarbic-blog who had been writing Empath Mikey for 1987 and 2003, and I guess it went on from there? And I found that a bunch of fans had been discussing psychic Mikey ideas and neurodivergent turtle ideas. And I genuinely don't know if I got that snowball rolling or not. Because in the early 2010s I became friends with the very people who coined Neurodivergent and Cousin Neurologies, and started my own advocacy, and it wasn't until after my own autism diagnosis in 2013 that I even saw the word neurodivergence in fandom. I joined Tumblr in 2016, but it took a good couple of years before I saw Autism and ADHD headcanons other than my own in the TMNT fandom. I really pushed for Mikey's ADHD to be noticed. Then I pushed to call him autistic. And then I saw other fans doing it. I don't know if I got any of it started, but I know I at least influenced Mikey being psychic throughout the fandom after 2012. Because literally all my fics are about that.

Also, you can call me old, I might as well be in this fandom with how most of the Elder Fans aren't around much anymore!

Also, I know I at least helped push the headcanons about Mikey's ADHD until it became canon. Donnie was always suspected autistic (back in 2003 it was Aspergers before that was folded into Just Autism It's All Just Autism, plus, as I'm Jewish, Asperger's work with Nazi doctors upsets me) but he was stereotyped.

I call Mikey Girl Autistic, because autism in women wasn't studied as much, same with ADHD, also Autism Speaks Light It Up Blue Campaign made it so much worse ANYWAY-

I tend to write entire master theses on why the Ninja Turtles are each autistic. Actually, I have tags about it!

I wanna read your fic, go ahead and message me about it!

[golbrocklovely]

Yo Colby apperently sees everything because he goes on his Tabs on all social medias i mean he even typed his name on Amazon and found pillow cases of himself. So my question is, why is he refusing to acknowledge the BT stuff and act like all his fans are delusional. I get the majority of us may not know him personally but are we just supposed to ignore the victims. The snc fandom has gone down in recent months and they dont care to know why they just associate it to "hate" & "cancel culture".

alright, i have a feeling this is gonna be long, so bare with me.

TW: rape mentions, sexual assault, brief suicide mention, BT

so i've kinda wanted to put my two cents out about the whole colby not calling brennen out thing, but i never did bc i felt like i could possibly get hate or at least not explain myself well enough or something bad was gonna happen. but i feel like i can do this all now.

first off, i believe the girl that is accusing brennen. i also know that brennen has done some terrible shit in the past that i do not agree with. i don't like brennen at all and his half ass apology can suck a fat fuck.

that being said, i want to explain something that happened to me a couple years ago.

i was in college when i met this boy named R. he was probably the nicest guy i had ever met. he was so sweet and caring to me, and i needed that at the time bc i was extremely suicidal and needed someone to talk to. i had friends that went to different colleges in my state, but i didn't want to burden them with my bs. but one night i let lose on R about all of my shit. he was one of the few guys i had ever met that actually gave a shit about me and when he asked about how my life was going, he actually wanted to know and hear my answer. plus he was really charismatic, funny, and hot.

so, i instantly fell in love with him.

what sucked was that he was taken. but even tho he was taken, he would do things that personally felt really weird and questionable. honestly, if i had been his gf i would have counted it as cheating. he would flirt with other girls constantly, get really close to their faces (looking like he was gonna kiss them), say really dirty things, and dance in a sexual way with them. sometimes he would do all of this in front of his gf, and at the time, i felt like i should be calling him out. but, if he was doing it in front of her, and she wasn't saying anything, how am i to tell him he was wrong? maybe that was how their relationship goes... maybe it's open or something. i didn't know so i never said anything.

there was only one time he ever made me feel uncomfortable. he would drive me home, which was a really long drive (like 45-60 mins long) and the first time i went to get a ride with him, i stopped to think 'something could happen to me and there's no way i could stop it' bc i was really questioning him since he didn't want anything in return for driving me. i offered him money and he said no, and i don't trust ppl who are overly nice to me. this was the only time i thought something bad about him.

i met him my junior year. he was senior so he graduated. i go on to my senior year and see him once or twice bc he lived close to campus, and then i end up having to take an extra semester to finish up some courses. during this extra semester, i go to a house party with a bunch of friends, all girls btw. at the party we see him and i say hi. after a couple mins, one of the girls starts crying and i have no idea why. we end up going back to their house, and when i ask what's wrong, her roommates (one of whom i'm closer to than her) explain to me that while R was with his gf, he would cheat on her with this girl and one time when they were together, he coerced her to have sex with him (roommates words).

now the cheating wasn't unbelievable, but the sexual assault... that was a whole other thing. it didn't help that literally everyone that knew of this situation took it like it wasn't a terrible thing (literally they were rolling their eyes at their own roommate, who was one of their best friends, crying over R). but that being said, and i'm not proud to admit this, it took me a long time to believe this happened. i didn't outwardly think it didn't happen, but i just couldn't fathom someone i cared about, someone i loved, raped someone. i thought i knew R well. he helped me when i was at my lowest, was literally the sweetest person i knew. did he do some questionable things? sure. but rape? i couldn't believe it. but i believe it now bc i realize that all the red flags that he flew pointed to him being able to do something like that.

now to relate this to colby: brennen was there for him when he felt like he had no other friends bc sam was just starting to date kat. outside of the trap house, brennen is his other best friend. if a stranger told you your best friend sexually assaulted them, you're not gonna instantly believe them. bc assumingly, you know your best friend more than some stranger. this situation isn't easy in any way, shape, or form.

colby could easily be seeing everything we have been saying but he might not want to believe it. there’s no way someone he knows and cares about could do something as disgusting and evil as rape. plus, elijah daniels even said that brennen is a good manipulator so maybe he's manipulated colby (and the rest of the trap boys) to not believing anything the victim has said. i mean, he did it in his “apology” !! plus if he has said he's getting lawyers involved, then that "proves" he's innocent bc look how hard he's fighting against it.

i say all of this as not to excuse colby for not holding brennen accountable, but to maybe explain why he hasn't. if you personally feel upset at colby not unfriending brennen, that's 100% understandable and i agree with you. 

i just felt like maybe this was something that needed to be said.

and if you don’t agree with how i handled the situation back then, good. me neither. 

[watchwithbee]

the fosters, s1e11

tw: brief mentions of (fictional) past r*pe and s*xual a*sault, foster siblings having romantic/sexual relationships, poor mental health, father figure fighting an alcohol problem, somewhat shitty commentary but that’s everything I post lmao

1k words

(started about 10 minutes in)

HELL YEAH JUDE 

PREACH

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF BBY BOY

ALSO HEY BRANDON YOU PIECE OF SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK DUDE

I’M STILL PISSED AT HIM

Ju: you’re no better than liam >:(

Me: FUCK HIM UP BABY BOY

B: I love callie

[egregious puking noises]

Look ship whatever you want

Just acknowledge when things are problematic

Ship brallie to your heart’s content as long as you don’t condone in*est IRL

I’m not here to police ppl, I’m just giving opinions no one asked for cause that’s the entire purpose of this blog

Oh no jude

Poor boy

I literally hate brandon sm he needs to get his shit together

[aggressive vibing to the theme song]

[weeping] you’re surrounded by love and you’re wanted

I used to think the theme was cheesy

Now i literally love it sm

The RUBBER DUCKY

THE HAND HOLDING

Ugh ads

I really think people are overlooking jude’s feelings rn

Omfg stef’s mom (her name is sharon, bee)

I love her

I love jude and sharon’s dynamic it’s 

Chef’s kiss

Immaculate

Sh: I’m not gonna break up with him cause I love his bed

“Subtext, by calvin klein ;)”

Oh right this is the bed that fucks up their marriage

Ju: I’m a taco :D

Me: [I can’t find it but the clip from b99 where boyle says I’m gonna need a minute

It cuts to a black screen that says one minute later than cuts back to charles tear and snot stained face after clearly crying a lot

Boyle: sorry for the sobbing and the wailing and the weird snorting noise I made at the end

But yeah that’s me rn]

Oh god not more jesus lexi drama

I wish mariana and jesus got along better

Also jake t austin jesus walked so noah centineo jesus could run

I love that typed out it looks like I mean jesus the religious figure

Oh shit 

Lexi needs to stop gatekeeping and mariana needs to stop taking the division of time as a personal offense

I mean she and jesus are both taurus so I’m not surprised they’re clashing

Oh god callie why did you run away w wyatt

I hate wyatt

I hate the aliens dialogue

W: the government is making it seem fake oOoOoH

Literally hate it

Callie “he’s better off without me” addams foster is getting on my last fuckin nerve

Like the insensitivity?????

The not actually caring about the people around you under the guise of caring about them??????

The only difference between martyrdom and soupyslide is press coverage

The whole Wyatt And Callie On The Run thing is getting old and it’s been happening for like 10 minutes

Self sacrifice isn’t cute sis

WYATT WHAT THE FUCK

He claims to care about her and yet

Deletes the fucking voicemail from her mom??????????

What???????

Christ stef is fucking crying

Sh: my love…

STEF AND HER MOM BOTH CALL PPL MY LOVE 

SO FUCKING CUTE

Now wyatt is playing the good guy???F???

Okay hold up

Look

Callie and brandon are both at fault for kissing each other at stef and lena’s wedding

which was SO cute btw

the wedding not the gross kiss

I will say that callie, who was literally r*ped by L*am, was incredibly emotionally volatile then bc everything with him had been stirred up and she just found out he wouldn’t go to jail

No one would be surprised if she did something impulsive and self destructive bc of the trauma, especially something related to having an inappropriate relationship with a foster brother

Brandon knew about all of this and he wasn’t having flashbacks or a bunch of trauma about anything 

He should have stopped her or at least pushed her away 

And he didn’t 

I’m not saying Callie isn’t at fault too, what I am saying is that brandon had more responsibility in that situation and didn’t do what a decent person would do

WYATT AND BRANDON ARE BOTH BAD FOR CALLIE

SHE DOESN’T NEED A RELATIONSHIP RN SHE NEEDS A LOVING SUPPORTIVE FAMILY

Callie is so clearly sprialing rn

At least Wyatt is actually trying to help her

No one can handle a stressful situation in this show

I can’t describe how much I hate the pseudo end of the fucking world energy they’re going for

At least wyatt had the decency to not immediately try to share a bed w her

I like how flustered he gets cuddling her

That’s cute at least

I don’t like that callie didn’t consider that sharing a bed would make him nervous or uncomfy

OH SHIT THERE THEY ARE

MOMS HAVE ENTERED THE CHAT

And now callie, feeling trapped again, is going to run away yet again

And do something impulsive

Yet again

Jfc

Look I have trauma and a strong fight or flight response too, but I dont hurt the people I love

Hitching a ride with a trucker??????????? She’s going to put herself in a very avoidable irreversibly bad situation

I love mike getting to be a good dad figure

It’s rare with the whole alcoholic plot

I really hate that too btw

He has a comforting presence

Let him be a good dad

Mariana you can want to be vegan but pls don’t be a toxic vegan

Let people make their own choices

I love frazzled mike trying to be a good dad

I wish mariana would be a little bit more of a problem solver

If she doesn’t want any animal products or peanut butter offer to make your own lunch maybe??????

I hate how fast Jesus and Mariana forgave brandon after the whole “We ToOk YoU iN wHeN NoOnE eLsE wAnTeD yOu!!! sTeF iS mY mOm!!!!” bullshit

“Mom’s car won’t start” lmao

What the actual fuck callie 

If she’s this at risk for such self destructive behavior she needs way more help

HOT GIRL WITH PINK MULLET

MARRY ME

Oh god not the begging for a job scene

I hate this part

I’m a little over half way done with the episode so I’ll cut it here, part 2 will be up shortly

[jkoojeon]

Sun and Moon ch 2

tags: wolf au, angst, smut (future chapters), violence, very fluffy

pairing: jungkook x reader

word count: 4.1k

a/n: sorry this took so long fkjsdfdsjksjdflkj. but I think I figured out how to tag ppl so if you wanna get tagged, then pls tell me ;) btw, this is not edited, lmaoo

masterlist

You sit quietly in the passenger seat, looking out the window as you lightly tap on it with your finger. Taehyung is next to you driving to your mate’s house, where you will be staying for well...a long time. You watch as the trees wisp by as you go a bit deeper in the territory. Jungkook’s house is quite secluded and a bit far from town. 

Wow, you know the territory is large but you didn’t know it’s this large. How relaxing it must be to run between the trees while feeling the wind brushing through your fur? All worries coming out to chase you as you run away from them, temporary not having to deal with them. 

Taehyung glances at you continuously. Weird how he doesn’t know what to say. Usually, when he meets you, you’re the one who sparks up a conversation, always beating him to it. Now you’re staring blankly outside with no intention to talk. He thinks you’re overwhelmed, which he doesn’t blame you, he would be too if he is in your position. Leaving home to join an unfamiliar pack, finding your mate who is a freaking alpha, and becoming luna. All in less than a week. He doesn’t like the awkward atmosphere in the car. So now he’s the first one to spark up a conversation, also trying to lessen your worries.

“You know, Jungkook is not a bad guy everyone says he is.” 

You pause, your finger is pressing against the window. Your eyes fall down at the window sill. 

“No, I don’t know that,” you mutter quietly, but Taehyung caught that. He chuckles. Even if you’re being so quiet, you’re still sassy. 

“They’re just being dramatic. Sure he is stubborn, hard-headed, and sometimes rude, but he’s a good person. He cares about this pack a lot, even if there are many wolves who are annoying. Especially when it comes to mate, he will do anything to keep you happy. If what happened earlier doesn’t show it, then I don’t know what will. God, he looked so fucking happy and sappy that it’s kinda gross.” 

You think back, recalling the event that was taken place about 30 minutes ago. It was like a spark ignited in you. Like he awakened something that was in a deep and long slumber. He made you feel safe. All of your worries and uneasiness was gone, and you didn’t think about anything but Jungkook. However, now you can’t deny the aching presence. You haven’t gotten over your heartbreak. Can you love another? The painful yearning is still there. 

Taehyung glances at you again, seeing you are deep in thought. “Y/N,” he calls, making you turn your head at him. He looks back to the front and continues to drive. “Mates are for life. The soul can’t deny it. Rejecting a mate is nearly impossible because of the strong bond that makes them gravitate to each other. Finding your mate is a fulfillment, having your life completed. No longer you will be alone or afraid because he’s here for you to share and take the burden off your shoulders. He understands you better than you understand yourself. He’s your umbrella when everything comes raining down.” 

Your throat is being blocked by the urge to cry, but you hold it down. “I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t afraid. I had an umbrella,” you mutter, but Taehyung heard that.

“Past tense, Y/N. That umbrella is broken now, it has holes. You need to get a new one, and there’s one perfectly in front of you.” 

“But how can I just move on? I love him and I don’t think I will ever stop,” you choke and look away, not wanting him to see you cry even though he saw it a bunch of times.

“Time will tell. You just have to trust him and learn.” He ends the conversation when he pulls up to a large driveway. You look outside, already amazed by the mansion in front of you. It’s big, outside made out of wood and bricks with large windows, and you can see inside of it. It looks at home. “We’re here.” 

You get out of the car, and so does Taehyung. He goes to the trunk to get your things. You follow him up the steps and when you enter the building, Jungkook’s scent instantly wafts up to your nose. You take a deep breathe, collecting his scent in your lungs before letting it out. The place is saturated with his scent, and it’s making you drunk and woozy. 

 The mansion is so rustic and open. It’s calming, relaxing, and comfortable. You’re amazed at how beautiful and bright it is. You can see yourself enjoying the winter season. Imagining wearing an oversized sweater, drinking hot chocolate, sitting by the fireplace, and watching a movie, all possible with Jungkook beside and holding you. 

Your heart skips a beat and your stomach churns in a pleasant way.

And if you happen to fall asleep on his shoulder, he would turn the movie off then gently carry you to your shared room. He would place you under the covers and slide in with you. He would hold you close so that you won’t shiver from the winter chill, sharing his heat with you. Then he would kiss you on your forehead and say ‘good-night’. 

Suddenly, you lightly smack your cheeks with both of your palms, cupping them and feeling the heat of your skin. What were you just thinking now? Were you just fantasizing about Jungkook? But he’s your mate so it’s completely normal to do so. But you love someone else, so how can you? How can you think about another man so easily? 

You see Taehyung walking upstairs with your bag in his hand. You follow him up, thinking he’s taking you to your room you will be staying at. 

“Jungkook probably wants you to stay in his room. It only makes sense since you both are mates,” Taehyung emphasizes the last word then peers over his shoulder to see your face, looking for a reaction. It’s like you don’t hear him because you’re too busy taking in every detail of your mate’s bedroom. 

The room is at the end of the house. His large bed with black sheets is against the wall in the middle of the room. Across from the bottom of the bed is the large window which the top of it is slanted against the slope of the ceiling. There is a medium-sized t.v. hanging on the wall. One side of the wall has an open fireplace with a single cushion couch and a small round table in front of it. There are three other doors in the room. One leads to his bathroom, the other is his closet, and the last one leads to a balcony. There is a very large painting on the wall, above his bed, directly across from the big window. It’s a painting of a black wolf sitting in a part of the woods with the full moon shining behind it. It so beautiful that you can’t help but to stare at it, mesmerized. You can see when nightfall comes, the moonlight will be shining through the window and on to the painting beautifully. 

“The wolf in that paining is Jungkook, you know?” Taehyung says as he puts your bag down. He chuckles as your mouth opens and he can’t tell if it’s out of shock or from being entranced, maybe both. 

“That’s him?” You are asking mostly for yourself. He’s so beautiful. The soft-looking full fur that resembles night. This form contrasts the color of the moon, bringing out his beauty. And his dark and deep blue eyes that are staring right at you is enough to make your breath hitch. Just imagine seeing his wolf in person. 

“I will let you settle down before I take you back to Joy and Irene.” 

As much you love your best friends and wanted to stay with them before coming here, you change your mind. You didn’t want to leave the comfort of this house. Weird as it sounds, you want to stay here for a bit longer to explore the house and maybe learn about your mate a bit. It almost feels like you belong here. To the point, you can say you’re at home. And, you also don’t want to face them because you are a hundred percent sure you’re going to get an ear from them from the time-stopping event you had with Jungkook. Their teasing is going to be inevitable so you want to avoid it for as long as you can. 

“Can I stay here? I’m tired and I want to rest,” you say and let out a tired sigh. Taehyung smirks. You didn’t have to lie to him to stay here. He knows you’re not tired, because since when do you get tired? You have the most uncontrollable energy he has ever seen and dealt with. He sees the look on your face and it's filled with ease and comfort. You could’ve said you don’t want to go because you are comfortable in Jungkook’s house and don’t want to be away from his scent. But no, you’re pride is too great for you to admit that. He knows you all too well. 

“Okay then,” he whistles, “I’ll tell Jungkook you want to stay at his house for the rest of the day.” You blush out of nowhere. His smirk gets bigger. He has a sudden urge to continue to tease you. “He’ll be exhilarated to that you’re here waiting for him to come home and that you wouldn’t rather be anywhere but here...in his own home. Like a wife waiting for his husband.” Taehyung almost laughs when he sees your entire face beating red. He’s doing this on purpose, and you hate him for it. 

You swiftly turn around, showing him your back, embarrassed. “Go away.” You squeak. Taehyung couldn’t hold his laughter in anymore. God, you want to punch his face. 

“Alright, I’ll leave now. I’ll see you later,” he lets out a chuckle, ending his laugh. But then he pauses, “Are you going to be alright alone?” You nod. He hesitates before leaving. 

When you hear him walk out the front door, you let out a sigh. You put your hand over your thumping heart. You can actually feel it beating against your chest. 

“Oh my lord,” you mutter to yourself. 

The whole house is quiet. Since Jungkook is most likely won’t be home for a long time, you decide to get familiarize with his house. 

You walk out of his room and enter the other rooms. He has many guest rooms. You count four. And there are three guest bathrooms. Each room is different, having a theme of its own. There is nothing fancy in them, they all just have the essentials; bed, dresser, and so on. You’re kind of glad that you’re staying in Jungkook’s room. Not because he’s your mate or whatever. But because it’s not as empty as the other rooms. You can distract yourself in his room. And, you have to admit, it’s kinda comfortable and warm. 

You open the door to another room, which is not a guest bedroom, but an office. You flick the lights on. The smell of wood hits your nose. The large, red mahogany desk is the first thing you see. There’s a computer sitting near the corner and a large desk calendar laying in the middle of the desk. A leather black hair is neatly tucked behind the desk. Large bookshelves cover the wall across from you and adjacent from it. It’s filled with books, photos frames, and some kick-knacks. There is this large fern at the corner of the room. A coffee table with a three-cushion and single cushion couches several feet from the desk. There is a landscape painting of a lake and mountains with a grown white-tailed deer drinking from it hanging next to the door. 

This is very different from the office from the old house you stayed out. It’s like night and day. The other office is modern and sleek, while Jungkook’s is homey and rustic. 

What catches your eye is the camera sitting on top of his desk. Curiously, you make your way to it. You always had a hobby of taking pictures. When you’re bored, you just go outside and take pictures of the sceneries and animals. A lot of times you take pictures of your friends, keeping them as memories. 

You turn on the camera and go to the gallery. You awe at the beautiful photos of nature. There is a photo of a rabbit nibbling on grass. Photos of pretty flowers. Photos of landscapes. There is even a photo of the full moon shining its glory. You continue going through the photos. Soon, you hit the memories. There are photos of people and wolves together laughing and smiling. They must be the pack. There are photos of pups running around. There is even one cutely sitting with its tail up and head tilted to the side. You can’t help but smile how cute the pup is. 

The next photo knocks a breath out of you, literally. You were not expecting it. Your heart races at the man in the photo. It’s a photo of Jungkook sitting in front of the campfire wearing a gray hoodie with black jeans. He’s laughing. His head is slightly tilted down. Small crinkles decorate around his crescent-shaped eyes. Soft pink lips stretched wide, showing his joy and pearly teeth.  His cheeks lifted up in delight, and you can kind of see tiny dimples appearing near his mouth. He looks absolutely lovely, and it makes you unconsciously smile. 

Without looking, you slowly walk out of the room and go back to Jungkook’s room, taking the camera with you and still staring at the photo of Jungkook. You study every detail, burning it to your mind, and still smiling wide throughout. 

When you got to your room you decide to change first. You switch from your jeans and shirt to sweatpants and an old oversized black shirt. You take the camera with you and then slip under the covers. Your body is tired so you want to relax for the rest of the day, doing absolutely nothing but going through the photos. 

You don’t realize it but you’re laying on Jungkook’s side of the bed. The side that he always lay on and keep the other empty, waiting for his mate to lay by him. But Jungkook’s side is warm, and his scent is unconsciously drawing you in. It’s more fluffy and comfy on his side. 

You feel as ease laying on your side with your head on his used up pillow, tucked underneath the blanket with it over half your head, looking at his photos, and being surrounded by his scent. You feel so secure and comfortable that your thoughts are not making themselves known and taunting your mind. It’s like someone is building a barrier behind you, shielding you away from the dark part of your heart. 

Slowly, you start to fall into slumber. 

Jungkook is shaking his leg under the desk impatiently. His hands are clasped together and over his mouth, staring at the man speaking. His face is wiped off of any expression. God, nobody might notice, but he is trying so damn hard to pay attention to the meeting. How can a meeting be so long and boring?

He has never been like this before, unfocused and dazed. His mind wanders off to you, and he lost count on how many times that happened. Ever since he met you, he can’t stop thinking about your face, your voice, and the future you both are going to share. And after what Taehyung told him, that you’re waiting for him at home, he feels like his head is going to explode. 

It’s been hours since he last saw you and he can’t wait just to be with you again. But he doesn’t want to show any emotion in front of his pack since he’s a composed and cool alpha. So he sits there, trying to listen to the meeting. 

Soon, the meeting comes to an end. 

“Any questions?” Jungkook asks, praying that there are no questions. They all look at their alpha. 

Taehyung, in particular, has noticed Jungkook daydreaming throughout the whole meeting. Of course, he knows, he fucking knows everything. He decides to test his theory. He slowly starts to raise his hand and open his mouth, and immediately, Jungkook glares deadly at him, silently daring him to ask a question. Taehyung snorts, holding his laughter and puts his hand down. Jungkook is not going to live this down. 

“Alright, you all can go home. It’s getting pretty late.”  Jungkook says as he tries not to run out of the room. 

Jungkook opens the door to his house. A faint scent lingers in the air, and he instantly knows it’s you. Your scent never left his mind and it only intensifies when he can smell you in his room. 

He puts his keys and wallet on the small table by the door before taking his shoes off. He then rushes upstairs, following your scent to your room. 

There is silence behind the door. Jungkook doesn’t hear anything so he focuses his ears. That’s when he hears your soft and slow breathing, indicating that you’re asleep. Carefully and quietly, he opens the door. His eyes land on the small bump on his bed. 

Your back is faced him. The top of your head can be seen while the blanket covers the rest of your body. You’re curled underneath the warm blanket like a little baby, peacefully sleeping. The blanket rises and falls at each breath you take. 

Jungkook feels his heart swell. He lets out an adoring sigh at the sight of you. He notices that you’re sleeping on his side of the bed and that only makes his heart want to combust. He walks to you. He doesn’t want to bother you but he can’t help the urge to see you. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he cautiously brings the blanket down to your shoulders. His face softens and shoulders relax.

Wow. 

Wow.

His mate. His girl. His whole world. 

The one who he is going to pamper and love. The one who is going to listen to all his troubles. The one who is going to comfort him. The one who is going to shower him with affection. The one who is going to have eyes only for him. The one who he is going to start a family with. The one who he is going to protect. The one who is going to be with him for eternity. 

Jungkook lifts his hand to stroke your cheek with the back of it gently, all while smiling at you.

Something in his peripheral vision catches his eyes. He looks to the side to see his camera slipping out of your fingers. He lets out a chuckle, assuming you were curious and went through his photos. 

Almost always, Jungkook gets possessive of his things and doesn’t like anyone touching anything that’s his, especially if its food. Like that one time when Taehyung came over and raided his fridge or when he accidentally stole one of his shirts when he slept over. Let’s just say, Jungkook was not happy. 

But now, somehow, he doesn’t feel any anger or annoyance. Instead, he likes it. He likes that you were going through his photos. That means that you want to know about him, so you went to look at his memories. You can use all his stuff all you want and he would be happy. Maybe he’s not pissed because he was waiting for someone like you to share his things with. Like he kept all his stuff to himself for you to use with him. 

Jungkook takes his camera then turns it on. The first thing that pops us is a photo of him, Jimin, Taehyung, and Namjoon smiling at the beach. You’ve gotten quite far in his gallery. He exits the gallery to take a photo. 

Putting the camera up to his eye, he points the lens at you. He angles it to capture your beauty. When the shutter goes off, he inspects the photo. 

Just how your breath was taken away at his photo, the same thing goes for him. His mouth parts and eyes gazing in admiration. He can clearly see the moonlight shining through his large window and down to you, creating a soft glow around you. You look like an angel. His angel. 

Suddenly, Jungkook picks up on your racing heart. He puts down the camera then frowns. Your fingers twitch as your lips tugs downwards. A tiny whimper leaves your mouth. Your legs start to kick as if you’re trying to get away from something.  You’re having a nightmare.

This makes him alert. He scoots his body up to the bed then turn you to lay on your back. He notices the small beads of sweat forming on your forehead. He pulls the blanket down more to your waist. One of his hand goes under your head to cradle it, while the other cups your cheek as he leans down to the side of your head. He presses his lips to your earlobe.

Your hands fly and clutch on his sleeves tight. Your legs are still kicking and your whimpers are more audible. You begin to shake your head side to side, and he tries to prevent you from doing so by holding your head in place. God, he can feel the distress from you, just like in his dreams. It’s making him ache all over. His heart throbbing in pain, mirroring yours, and he wants nothing but to make it go away. You start to cry, and he feels your tears slipping between your cheek and palm. Your fingernails are leaving marks on his arms through the fabric.

“Baby, Honey,” he calls softly right into your ear, hoping that his voice will reach to you. “I’m here. I’m right here. It’s okay now. Nothing is going to hurt you. Open your eyes. I’m right here.” And it does reach to you.

Your chest starts to heave up and down slowly, catching your breath. Your body is starting to relax from under him as you can feel his warmth and security radiating to you. Your grip on him loosens and your legs cease its kicks. You stop your tears from flowing as your eyes open, vision a bit blurred.

You look to the side to see his head pressing against yours. You feel his breathing against your skin as he continues to talk to calm you down. His deep and sweet voice filling your mind, distracting you from everything. You run your hand down his arm and to his wrist where it is cupping your cheek with his thumb tenderly stroking it.

Jungkook pulls back after feeling you relax. One look of your glassy eyes and hurt expression, he wants to rip his heart out of his chest and throw it away, not wanting to feel it throbbing anymore.

You look into his eyes, and the emotion swimming in them makes you want to cry again. The lump in your throat growing. Fear, sorrow, tenderness, longing, and pain all are present in him. You never felt to care for in your life. You never felt so guard in your life. Not even when you were with him, the cause of your pain.

In Jungkook’s arm, under him, it's like a wall blocking every little thing from getting to you, so that it’s only you and him. And you want to feel this way forever. You want to be with him, to be protected, and to be loved. You just want it to be only you and Jungkook in the world where nobody, nothings, and no words can come and attack you both. Just him. Just with him.

“Don’t leave,” you whisper, voice croaking out. Jungkook takes his hand from under your head to brush away the stray hairs in front of your face.

He shakes his head, looking straight at you, showing you every emotion he feels for you. “I’m not. I won’t ever leave you,” he whispers back. He then crawls over you to get to the other side of the bed. You watch him as he slips under the blanket then scoot close to you. You don’t think of anything as you also scoot to him and wrap your arms around him. 

You let out a sigh in content, being buried in his chest and in his strong arms, inhaling his scent, comforting you to no end. 

Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s time to find another umbrella just like what Taehyung told you. And there’s one right here giving you its handle.

previous next 

taglist: @itsmehoseok  @fluffybunnybaekhyun  @ally22042000

[gem-quest]

[QUEST o2. - E N T H R O N E D]

(written by @bebemoon)

mentions: @ayzrules @elissastillstands & @armadasneon​

. . . Quest 2 .

A few days passed without word from Inferna, and Neddy was beginning to think she'd been forgotten.

A pair of players were marrying in the gardens the week following the meadow fair. And Neddy made an appearance out of sheer curiosity-

The ceremony was within a tumble of pale pink blossoms beneath a flowering tree, and the fae—and even all who were stuck on the level—were in attendance, surrounding the couple of Moonstone players. Neddy recognised the groom as the gleaming Moonstone jouster from the fair. The bride was a tiny Healer with hair matching the blossoms overhead and a veil of glimmering chain mail set with white crystals. They seemed blissful- so much so that Neddy wondered about them.    

Besides, was this a binding union in the real world? Probably not since Finvarra was the one to marry them, and Neddy rather doubted the Prince was ordained for such an affair. He wasn't even real.

Maybe it didn't matter to them- at any moment, any of them could be skewered with a sword and die at once in two worlds. Might as well live happily and love when possible.  

Neddy shook her head. What an outlandish situation they all found themselves in . . .

-

There was a celebration afterwards, but in Yue City. Understandably, the happy couple wanted to be able to eat together as well as remain free of the fae.

Neddy stayed behind to put her feet up on the feast table alongside some of Finvarra's tittering wives to watch the dancing for a while. The feeling of isolation began to creep up on her once again.

Suddenly, there was a familiar trilling from her rucksack at her feet, barely audible over the fairy music. It was the sound the Plexus' messaging function made when a new message was received.

Excitedly, Neddy dug into the rucksack and drew the Plexus out. She swiped the screen, and the new message appeared. It was from Inferna- "Jack's Girlfriend" [fire emoji] in the Plexus.

The message read: WYD ???

Neddy replied with a long message detailing the wedding she'd just witnessed, overseen by the Prince himself.

To which the redhead pithily replied, "Bruh xD".

Neddy grinned at her screen.

Inferna went on to ask Neddy if she was ready to take on Aydina, and when Neddy indicated that she was "ready as she would ever be", the other girl sent back:

“Btw I invited 2 other ppl to join us for dodgeball- Morningstar and Balestra if u wanted to look them up! Hope that’s okay 💖💖💖 say hi to jack 4 me!!!!”

Attached to this was a selfie of the candy-redhead eating the apricot tartlets Neddy had paid her with.

Morningstar wasn't a name that Neddy recognised- but Balestra, she knew immediately. She was another Moonstone player- a celestial knight- with a griffin mount. If Neddy wasn't very much mistaken, the griffin ate some of the garden's fae NPCs. And Finvarra still recounted the incident like some sort of disastrous Biblical tale.

Maybe it would be good to have someone like that on her side? If Balestra's griffin ate Aydina, would that be an automatic win?

Neddy replied simply to Inferna with a thumbs-up emoji, but she couldn't help feeling a twinge of doubt.

-

I C T U I U M . to . M E R M A I D . C O V E .

Inferna and her two companions were already waiting in the level 30 foyer—a wide glass room looking into the beachy landscape beyond with huge, flat screens showing players already in action on the level—when Neddy blinked in.

Seeing the sparkling sea spread out to her left, Neddy's first inclination was to start singing “La mer”.

Inferna's disappointment that Neddy had shown up sans Jack was instantly perceptible. The redhead pushed her lip out and raised one hand to her hip.

“Where’s Jack?” she said, pouting dramatically. “I even brought him a huge thing of sugar cubes! And a fresh batch of sauce.”

Neddy pulled an apologetic face. "Sorry, he's been M.I.A. for a couple of days," she told her. "He does that, I'm finding."

A slip of a girl with a crown of curls and a longsword on her hip was leaned up against one of the glass walls. She nodded at Neddy by way of a greeting.

Inferna jerked her chin at her. "That's Balestra," she said, grinning. "Moonstone rider like yourself. Maybe you know her?"

Neddy didn't want to bring up the gardens fiasco in case it was a sore spot with Balestra, and so she lied. "Oh, er, no- I-I don't believe we've met, actually," she stammered. "I'm Neddy. I swear I'm a real rider- my mount is just . . . I don't think he'd be much good at dodgeball anyway."

Three pairs of eyes regarded Neddy. She didn't know why she was so nervous, but she knew everyone could tell that she was.

At least Inferna seemed to be enjoying herself, as usual. She snorted in the silence. "And that's Morningstar over there," she said, thumbing the other player in the foyer.  

The third pair of eyes were almost too haunting to properly look into. They belonged to a ribbon of white slashed with violent red- a crown of berries, Neddy realised. Intimidatingly, a crystal scythe lay across her shoulders and her arms were draped over either side of the polearm. She looked a bit crucified.

The phantom made no move to acknowledge Neddy. However, her strange golden eyes stayed pinned to her.

Neddy merely raised her hand in a meek wave. "Hello."

Morningstar said nothing.

Inferna clapped her hands to break the bizarre tension between the four of them. "Well, let's go kick some ass!" she declared and punched the air. “I just confirmed with the other seven people who agreed to join our party. Three Ammolite, two Obsidian, two Moonstone.”

Neddy was impressed. Inferna was certainly on top of things. Perhaps more apricot tartlets were in order.

Inferna flashed them a cheeky grin. “Let’s go down to the beach?”

-

Neddy considered herself fortunate to have gotten some intimidating figures on her side for this dodgeball match- especially considering the others Inferna had rounded up. Not an inspiring bunch. But Inferna had only been looking to fill out the team.

Mermaid Cove was beautiful. The beach was blush and the sky was bright. The harbour was bustling at one end of the shore and magnificent pirate ships bobbed in the offing. Up the beach, giant pink conch shells were set upright in the sand and hollowed out into stalls that sold necessities like medi-elixirs, pep potions, and replacement gear. An old one-eyed woman with a blue parrot on her shoulder was selling fried octopus tentacles in shell-shaped baskets. A length of fishing net was draped over the market area and all manner of scavenged sea treasures and seashells were strung up, dangling over the customers as they browsed.

Neddy wanted to roam the market area for a while, but Inferna was all business. 

Inferna led them through the intro ordeal, having one of the other players activate the in-game event with the NPC shopkeeper, since Inferna herself had already completed the level and therefore could not activate it again. 

Inferna tapped her foot impatiently as the NPC ran through her whole sob story about how the mermaids had created Angel’s Breath to revive drowned humans, how the pirate queen Aydina and her eleven crew members had killed off all the mermaids to keep Angel’s Breath for herself-

Finally, the NPC said, “If you get the pirates to leave the town, I’ll show you where the last Angel’s Breath is hidden.”

“Great, let’s go,” said Inferna, then she directed the rest of the group to the shoreline.

As they stood on the beach, she threw her finger in the direction of the sea where a massive dome was rising slowly out of the water.

"Look, look!" Inferna shouted. "There it is!"

The others crowded around to watch in awe as the dome continued to surface, throwing off water and a terrible mechanical noise that scraped the ears.

"We're going into that thing?" Neddy asked, her stomach flipping.

Meanwhile, a pirate ship-complete with a skull and crossbone flag-sailed into view. Inferna rolled her eyes. “Yeah, in a sec,” she replied. “Aydina has some dialogue that we have to sit through. God fucking damn, but the NPC shit in this game gets so tedious.”

It wasn’t much longer before Aydina, the pirate queen, sauntered up over to them, her crew right behind her. With an unruly mane of fiery red curls, fierce eyes, and dressed in sheer black chiffon that billowed dramatically in the breeze, with lacy black gloves that went up to her elbows and a pair of badass black boots to match. 

Inferna cut to the chase. Apparently, sometimes you could skip the intro dialogue if you talked faster than the NPCs. “Yo, Aydina! Get the fuck out of here.”

The NPC gave Inferna a disparaging look. “How are you going to make me?”

“I challenge you to a dodgeball game,” she replied tightly, and Aydina nodded her agreement.

“Time to go!” Inferna crowed, evidently pleased that she’d successfully gotten Aydina to skip through most of the annoying dialogue. 

A narrow walkway of roped-together driftwood began to rise out of the sea. It did not look the least bit steady, and Neddy was ready to forego the whole thing just at the sight of it.

The sea is beautiful, yes. But it is also crushing and fathomless. And Neddy had always had a fear of it. The prospect of going beneath the ocean's surface was almost debilitatingly frightening. 

She hated herself for wishing Callum was there to hold her hand.

But no sooner had the thought of him crossed her mind that Inferna was taking her hand and pulling her towards the rickety walkway. 

“Come on, move your ass,” Inferna said, shooting her a playful look as she tugged her along. “Be careful during the actual game, though. Aydina can randomly let water into the court and drain it out whenever she wants. It’s the biggest pain ever.”

Neddy wanted to sink inside herself at that, but- it felt almost as if Inferna was passing some of her chaotic strength through her fingers into Neddy’s. And her feet moved to follow after the redhead. 

-

They marched into the dome, and the door sealed off behind them, metal clanging as the dome sank back under the sea to rest on the sea floor. The dome itself was made out of some kind of transparent material, allowing them to see the various sea creatures and coral formations surrounding the place. 

Inferna paused, causing Neddy to pause too. The redhead seemed to have noticed a throng of excited players making their way back to the foyer, where they’d be able to watch the game on the screens. 

“What?” Neddy wondered, dividing a look between the Inferna’s face and the other players. 

“If we win-” Inferna cut herself off and then winked at Neddy. “When we win, those players will be swarming all over us the second we get back to land- for the Angel’s Breath. Best to have a few ictuium potions on hand.” 

Inferna said as much to Balestra and Morningstar as well. Then, Aydina was explaining the rules of the game to them.

“If the ball-” and here she summoned the “dodgeball” out of thin air, which was an enchanted turtle shell- “hits you, and then hits the ground, you’re out. If you catch the ball, you’re safe. If the ball bounces off of you and one of your teammates catches it, you’re both safe. But, if the ball bounces off of you and someone on the other team catches it, you’re out.”

Inferna cast Neddy a sideways glance. “Don’t get hit,” she advised. “That thing packs a punch on its own, but depending on her mood, Aydina can make it stab you with barnacles, shock you, or spray disgusting gross poisonous stuff that’ll kill you before the time is up.”

Aydina rolled the ball over to where Inferna was standing. “I’ll let you guys have the first go,” she said, smirking confidently at them, looking directly at Inferna. “Since I feel sorry for you. How many brain cells do you have, to be wearing such an atrocious hat?”

“Fuck you!” Inferna shot back as she picked up the ball. “You’re such a fucking cunt.”

The pissed-off redhead gave the other eleven people a questioning look. “Well, should I go for it? Or do one of you guys want to do the honors?”

-

[ You can pick up here or back up a bit or do as you like if you end up taking this quest up ! No instructions for Neddy (but keep in mind she’s not a strong player), just do as you like and make sure they win ! ^^ And, if you need any help at all, just ask either Ayz or me~ ] 

[magic-owl]

i wish these had numbers to not take up room but alas: what is your absolute favorite ship? what’s a ship you like that most people don’t? what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion? (choose any of your fave pairings for the following bc I'm curious about all your faves) rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why. what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]? what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]? favorite AU ideas for [pairing]? what song(s) remind you of [pairing]?

Thank you my dear! You are my Star Wars Friend so I’ll keep it SW focused (if you wanted to ask this to solely find out what else I liked BESIDES SW sorry lol just let me know and I can redo it). This got long because turns out I have a lot to say about my ships so answers under the cut!!! xD

Absolute favorite ship: This one’s kinda hard but I’m gonna have to go with Obi Wan/Anakin! I also like them a lot as a trio with Padmé, but overall I gotta say these two are just my faves? Why? Because they are such a M E S S and gosh I just love them so much. Ppl say they don’t like each other very much but come on, have you watched the TCW, have you watched RotS, they’re the greatest team there ever was, they’re constantly fretting and worrying about each other, they’re always teasing (the constant banter omg boys pls) at each other and hyping the other up and believing in each other and Ahsoka literally calls them her adoptive guardians in the Ahsoka novel, that’s how much of a family they were and ugh they’re just so married. And they’re such a TRAGEDY and it breaks my heart and it’s delicious to watch because in the final fight it’s just heartbreaking betrayal because through it all they love each other so much and that’s WHY they’re so furious with each other because to them it feels like the ultimate betrayal. Even after (when after everything, Obi Wan still loved Anakin too much to kill him himself) they’re constantly on the other’s mind, and ugh the pain hurts but in such a good way, and how in the end Anakin did the right thing and Obi Wan was RIGHT THERE to help guide him back to the light in spirit and now they can rest happily together for eternity (with some spare stressing about, ya know, Kylo Ren and the impending return of Sidious, but never mind all that). and on top of that, it’s my fave because I also absolutely love their relationship platonically as well, as much as I LIKE to see them together, it’s not necessary for me because they have such an enjoyable dynamic. *coughs* Sorry, so yea, they’re my disaster faves! 😅

A ship I like that most people don’t: See above lol. I get aspects of the Obikin ship can be problematic in the whole power dynamic and age difference thing, but I’ve only ever shipped it after Anakin was knighted as an adult when there’s literally not a problem with it (it was weird for me because I watched the prequels totally out of order. I actually saw the TCW cartoon FIRST and then I saw RotS and then I didn’t watch the first two for a while after that because I was a fool and listened to prequel bashers who said the first two weren’t good, so when I started shipping them as adults that was all I saw them as). To be honest, for the most part the PT fandom is done with the drama since ya know, like a good half of the SW general fandom still hates us, so no one’s really vocal about not liking it and our shipping community is mostly left to ourselves, but every once in a while I’ll come across a joke post/fanart of the two and OP will be all snarky in the notes like “tag as a ship and I’ll come after you with my spiked bat” (someone’s exact words btw) and it’s like ok jeez, do not interact then, was minding my own business dude...

My most underrated ship: Hmmmm....... Gonna have to go between Luke/Ezra and Satine/Padmé. Skybridger I understand since they’ve literally never met in canon, but come ON, they’d get along like a house on fire and argh they should have met, it would be great. I honestly don’t get why Pads and Satine aren’t more of a thing (THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE AN OFFICIAL SHIPNAME ;_; ) cuz c’mon they’re the subtler explosive yin to Obi and Ani’s wildfire yang. They get along great and work together really well, and they both seem to have a type. I am doing them a little better in my new OT4 fic, and I hope ppl like it!!! Ya know what, I’m also gonna add Kaeden (cute girl from the Ahsoka novel!) and Ahsoka because even if a lot of ppl actually ship them, they hardly have any content and neED MORE DANGIT THEY WERE SO CUTE!!!!!!!

Gonna go with Obikin for all the following ones cuz I haven’t had the chance to gush about my boys in a while and you’ve opened Pandora’s box

Rate them from 1-10: 10, plus a hundred more points because I love them, then subtract that hundred again cuz Anakin is an gotdang idiot who ruined it and now they both make me cry. My scoring reasons are that they make me feel all the emotions and I love them Ever So Much and argh.

Fave headcanon: Oh boy, I’ve got a couple actually!

Whenever they’re talking/arguing over the phone, they’re always subconsciously mirroring each other’s actions even when they can’t see what the other is doing. It’s kinda creepy because you’ll hear yelling and it’ll look like one of them’s talking to an invisible person in front of them when it’s actually each other.

There has been multiple instances of them both getting injured in battle because they were distracted watching the other be a total badass (not that either will admit it)

Neither of them are morning people. AT ALL. Obi Wan actually has self-discipline and is able to get up with an alarm and crankily drag them both up, but both are almost impossible to deal with until they’ve had caffeine in them, and it’s been established that unless you want to risk murder, neither of them talks in the morning until caffeine has been provided.

There has been many, many cases of accidentally taking the other’s robe and not realizing it but thinking to themselves that said robe feels more comforting than usual today.

A mutually drunken arm wrestling match absolutely turned into a mutually drunken makeout once. Neither can remember it, and they wonder why some of the clones have been acting funny all week.

Half of the Temple thinks they’re already dating.

Ok I’ll stop it here

Fave Canon Moment: Ughhh, this is HARD. I really like the “any closer and you’d be kissing it” line in TCW, basically any moment in TCW when one of them refers to Ahsoka as “OUR padawan”, the extra long stares and unnecessary touches they give each other in TCW, the elevator scene in RotS movie (THE NOVEL MAKES IT A MILLION TIMES BETTER), also in RotS the way Anakin is half-ready to straight up fight Palpatine when he suggests leaving Obi Wan behind to die, the RotS “No loose wire jokes” bit, the RotS “Roger. Roger.” bit (OKAY JUST THE WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THIS RIDICULOUS MOVIE), the way Vader built his big stupid castle where they had their breakup, the way he’s constantly mentioning Obi Wan when the convo wasn’t even about him, seeing them together again at the end of RotJ (whoops you asked for one, you get MANY SCENES)

Fave AU ideas: Again, there’s a couple!

Superpower AU: Can’t decide whether I’d put this in canon or modern. Most powers in this AU are stolen from inspired by X-Men, DC, and other popular media, so I’m torn between Anakin having Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix style powers while Obi Wan had a variation on Rogue’s with additional energy manipulation. OR it would be a thing where Anakin could commune with the dead a la Klaus from Umbrella Academy while Obes had sort of Avatar-style wind/flight powers. (Both are relevant for different plots).

Sith AU: I know these are far from unpopular in the SW fandom, but the way I’d do it would be to try and write two stories at once, update one every other week so one update a week total. The stories would what would happen if either of them became the Sith Apprentice after the events of Episode 1, and how their dynamic would be during Ep 2 and The Clone Wars with one of them on the other side. It’s funny because the way I’ve plotted it, the Sith!Ani fic would have very big Good Omens vibes, while the Sith!Obi one would have very strong Under the Red Hood vibes, so two VERY different dynamics going on xD

WWII Spies: This is one I 100% plan to write someday, even tho it is a very long time from now. It’s basically following Anakin as an American naval pilot who got injured in a crash and discharged. He still wants to serve and eventually his talent gets him into the intelligence end of the war and sent to Europe where he meets Ben, who’s been working with British intelligence since it broke out, and sparks fly. I’m kind of cheating here cuz as of now this is an Obianidala story, not just Obikin, but it’s one I’m very excited for

Phantom of the Opera AU: This idea I had when I realized that Anakin as Vader is kinda a Lot like the Phantom, but he’s also a Lot like Christine too. So it turned into Anakin as a talented ballet dancer getting preyed on by Palpatine!Phantom (there is NO romance there, Palpy is a total creep and will be treated as such) with Obi Wan as a combination of Raoul and Madame Gery and I have a bunch of ideas and idk if it’s gonna be an actual thing, but I want it to.

Shapeshifter AU: Canon, not very complicated but they can all shift into animals. Obi Wan is a kind of cougar panther cat with a fluffy ginger tail, and Anakin is a big grumpy black Krayt Dragon with a stump for a front leg.

Not A Jedi!AU: One in canon in which set like the Sith!AU, two different stories exploring how their dynamic would be if one of them wasn’t found by the Order. As of now, I’ve got Anakin as the warrior pirate prince of Tatooine, after having grown up and staged a slave rebellion, then promptly put his mother on the throne, and Obi Wan’s there to negotiate something during TCW and things happen. For the Obi Wan one, he’s a political journalist and war correspondent who keeps on running into Anakin’s assignments and popping up where he’s stationed and Anakin has to keep this idiot from getting himself killed/stop asking me annoying questions that criticize the Jedi and the government.

Dark!AU: A kind of morbid canon divergent fic where Padmé dies early and unexpectedly (Palps didn’t plan it). Anakin goes off the rails and Obi Wan agrees to go with him on a murder vengeance roadtrip to try and keep him from Falling or the Sith from getting to him. He kinda fails and they both Fall in a way and it ends with them hunting down Sidious’ players one by one. I’m not entirely sure I want to continue with this tho because it plays strongly on the Fridged Woman trope, which I can’t stand. I’d have to figure out how to give Padmé some sort of active role after her death...

Songs to describe them: There’s a couple (I could have very well gone cranky but I decided to do (mostly) serious))(also my music taste kinda stinks)

Icarus— Bastille

Anna Sun— WALK THE MOON

Animal I Have Become— Acoustic cover by Vitamin String Quartet (original by Three Days Grace) (seriously y’all listen it’s sooooo gooooood)

Warriors— Imagine Dragons

My Demons— STARSET

Ignorance— Paramore

Set Fire to the Rain— Adele

Stubborn Love— The Lumineers

How to Save A Life— The Fray (yes i am aware it is stereotypical angst song leave me Alone it FITS)

Viva la Vida— Coldplay (tbh this fits like the entire PT but I liked it)

Raised by Wolves— U2 (another more PT-centric, but this one works dangit)

Bonus Broadway Song! : Confrontation from Les Miserables (now that ya think of it, that would be a pretty good AU too.....)

Bonus Broadway Song! : The Tango Maureen from Rent (I always imagined this one as Obi Wan and Padmé about Anakin, but it would be about something other than cheating cuz canon has established Anakin views cheating as a worse crime than murder, so yea)

Bonus Broadway Song! : Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better (aight this one’s mostly a joke but come ON don’t tell me that’s not completely them xD)

[crowned-ladybug]

Marvin from the rivals au for that character thing or just in general bc I love him so much and I want to know more about him

This got so long, I’m so sorry. This is like 2k words bc if allowed to talk about this boy then i could talk Forever. Oops

(With the meme it’s here btw)

Occasional sleeptalker. Usually just incoherent babbling, andJackie finds it hilarious to listen to if he's awake for it

Can braid his own hair perfectly without any trouble. Fear him

Shows his love of certain ppl by buying them lil gifts but hatesthe confrontation and awkwardness of giving them to them so heusually just leaves them in places he knows they'll find them,usually with no indication that they're from him either

Colour codes Everything

Has his own way of organising things that makes sense to Him okaybut he can't really explain it to anyone else. It annoys poor Jamesonto no end bc he organises shit to help with his anxiety and MarvinKeeps Ruining It

His reaction to Chase and Jackie wanting to get up to impulsivefun shit is "sure, go ahead, just don't hinder whatever I'mdoing" (or sometimes he joins them) and Schneep is sodisappointed in him for not helping him keep them in check instead

Has a fuckin perfectly figured out skincare routine and he'sdragging all the others up with him

Generally v good at lazy/spa day kinda self-care

Has ADD (tho all the egos have ADD/ADHD tbh)

Chase has absolutely compared him to Mettaton X at some point andMarvin doesn't know how to react to that

Gets cold super easily and Hates It. Is an absolute lil bitchabout it and won't stop whining until he can get warm again(favourite way to do that is to cuddle Jackie, and he just goes allhappy and melty from it, but I still wouldn't try to talk to him if Iwere you. And Jackie is a good bf who puts up with Marvin's stupidcold hands and face)

Has two modes when cuddling btw, he either just lies peacefullywith someone (mostly Jackie) while having an arm draped over them orholding their hand or pressed up against them, or he turns into afuckin octopus. Good luck trying to get up, you won't succeed

Which has led to multiple instances of someone needing Jackie forsomething, only to find him unavailable bc he's completely trapped bya sleeping Marvin even if he himself is wide awake. But he enjoys ita lot too bc Hell Yes Affection and would never have the heart tomove him and wake him up

He's also p damn pointy so he's not really the most comfy personto cuddle but Oh Well

Also wakes up slow and says a lot of bullshit in the process (orstuff he'd normally filter out and not get to say, like sappy shit)

A flirty lil bitch

Knows Jackie blushes super easily and enjoys the fuck out of it.Constantly trying to figure out how little it'll take for him to beall red in the face (And he knows Jackie doesn't mind and he backsoff when he's told to. Don't worry. Consent is still there)

He on the other hand doesn't blush often so when he does it meanshe's Super Flustered

Ik i said this last night too but he knows how to dance and doesit p well tbh?? He used to dance a lot when he was a kid/teen butdropped it when he realised he was trans bc then he tried to be AsMasculine As Possible bc he felt like if he didn't he'd be "fakingit"

(Grew out of that eventually. He's so glad he did)

Insecure about more stuff than he would ever let you believe

Once he starts really caring about the other egos he tries So Hardto be good to them and secretly beats himself up sometimes for stillbeing an Asshole when he messes it up. Yeah it's angsty. He'd takehimself apart just to make it up to his friends for having been anasshole to them before

Not a morning person but he can still function if woken up early,he'll just make sure you know that he's Not happy about it

Very rarely gets dysphoric, really only if continously referred towith the wrong pronouns/gendered terms or if called his deadname

At some point he started shooting Jackie flirty looks while sayingbullshit in French (Jackie doesn't speak French) to fluster him butit got to the point where Marvin realised that if he wanted to keepdoing it he'd need to Actually Learn French instead of just spoutingthe same limited amount of bullshit all the time. And that's thestory of why he started studying a Whole Other Language

Likes flowers but knows fuck all about them

I don't think I'll ever properly type down how he got his scar sohere: before Marvin pledged alliance to the other egos, Anti alreadyassumed he would, and so he captured him and threatened to torturehim to get information out of him/possibly force him on his sideinstead. Marvin called his bluff and told him to fuck himself. Antigot angry, waved his knife a lil too close to Marvin's face duringone of his threats and ended up actually cutting him. Anti was superhappy bc holy shit I Did Something, and Marvin decided that he's hadenough and since he'd been saving his energy all this time, blew up acharge of electricity in Anti's face. He then proceeded to teleporthome (with the chair he was tied to still attached but uhh. That partof the story is a lil less dignified so shh)

Anti has had a special place in Hell for him ever since (and withthis I'm realising that Anti is actually p fuckin bad at his job??Wow)

Says he doesn't like his hair messed with. He's lying.

But you gotta be Special and Important To Him to have permissionto touch his hair (or a hairdresser I guess). But Jackie is one ofthose ppl so he can mess with Marvin's hair all he wants (he evenlearned how to braid hair just to surprise him and lemme tell you,Marvin was Absolutely v surprised) Stroke and pet his hair longenough and he'll go all melty

His teeth are a lil bit pointier than average (and Jackie is sofucking gay for that and I'm shaming him)

Used to write poetry as a teen. Don't bring it up, he'sembarrassed.

Shoves all his feelings and problems in a box and hides them inthe attic bc He Doesn't Want Them

Can sing okay but doesn't do it often bc it's not Perfect so it'sBad. Hums more often tho

He's scared of a bunch of stuff in horror movies (and triggered bysome) but No One is allowed to know that. He's glad most of theothers don't much like them either and thus they don't watch themtogether anyway. He really doesn't want others to see him scared bche thinks it'd make him look weak and ridiculous

(Yes, he double-standards himself vs other ppl a Lot. Being scaredor having bad mental health or messing up is only bad if he does it.But you didn't hear that from me.)

Pokemon is one of his biggest and longest-lasting hyperfixations

Holy shit I've never drawn him in a suit but my dudes he looks SoPretty in a well-fitted suit, Holy Fuck. Give him a lapel flower andit'll be Perfect. No one can resist that amount of charm

Knows how to walk (and even run and dance) in high heels but can'tfucking stand them (no pun intended, he just finds them reallyuncomfortable)

Will be stunned silent if anyone assumes he doesn't absolutelyAdore Jackie, both bc How Dare You and bc he's trying So Hard to be agood bf is he really That Bad at it?

Pressure is not his main stim but it's the best way to bring himout of a panic/anxiety attack and just ground him in general, espwhen he can't use his magic or doesn't think to use it. (He doesn'thave any weighted stuff so in others words: lie on him.) Once hecalms down enough he'll hopefully start doing his vital-readingmagic, which should help calm him more

(Also yeah, the whole vital-reading that I've probably talk aboutjust Way Too Much already but jic I'll mention it again anyway: hecan use his magic to read other ppl's vitals. It calms and comfortshim. He mainly does it to Jackie, who has given him blanketpermission for it)

Favourite stim is fondling with squishy things (like those foamanimal keychains??) and scraping stuff like candle wax or soap (itwould probably be chewing if he actually realised that that is aValid Stim but he Doesn't)

Has his own apartment for a while still after moving in with theother egos bc he doesn't expect it to last. He sells it about a yearlater

His job is being a magician too and doing his shows that bring inAbsolutely enough money for him to not have to get another job or doshows like every other night. Ppl don't know he has Actual MagicPowers which makes a lot of things easier for him

His masks are all self-made bc he didn't wanna chance lettinganyone else do it, and he's had many less fabulous ones before bc healways wants Better. The gold patterns on the one I've drawn him withbefore are covered in glitter. He has a couple other ones he usestho, all different styles and shapes and colours for the sake ofvariety. He always wears matching make-up (mainly eye make-up andlipstick) for his shows

The scoreboard on the fridge (a piece of paper where they trackevery time him and Jackie defeat each other in Anything At All) washis idea, but it was Jackie who drew the stick figure renditions ofthe two of them on it (so it was a joint effort, really. Yeah,ironic. Or typical)

Has no shame when it comes to PDA as long as it isn't suggestive,but Jackie is a lot less sure about it (esp when out in public) soofc he respects that

That also means that if Jackie decides to hold his hand in publiche gets So Fucking Giddy you have No Idea and also you wouldn'tbelieve it even if you saw

Speaking of giddy. If you manage to get him to start talking aboutJackie (not a hard thing to achieve tbh) he will get so happy andgiddy and excited and Will Not Shut Up okay. Or at least it'll takehim a While to realise that he's rambling and has completely shed hiscool exterior. He just really loves his bf okay and he kinda justwants everyone to know how great he is

Can remember names and face p well but numbers and dates? Nah son.You better believe he has to make memos and calendar entries on hisphone for Everything. He's glad he can remember his own birthday,almost everything else he just kinda remembers (so only as specificas season or month). He feels bad about it tho, esp when he has tocheck like twice a day coming up to an important date that yes, it'sstill two days away, he didn't miss it

Has the kinda handwriting that's v pretty to look at but is anabsolute Pain to try to read

[professorsparklepants]

1) As a Hindi speaking, Indian-born Hindu I would say there are a bunch of set phrases peopl use but generally grammatically the word for god is the same in singular and plural phrase unless in a sentence having a verb. So if you're saying 'I swear by god' ('I swear by god/mom/you/me (those are the popular options to swear by) that whatever I am saying is the truth'), the word would be the same if the person was referring to plural or singular

2) tho in practise it’s singular because hinduism still does have the concept of the one overarching very-monotheistic God & the word ‘bhagwaan’ functions exactly like 'god’ in english. But (modern) Hinduism is unlike European polytheistic religions because while there are a bunch of (ALL-male) gods who are cognates of the greco-roman gods (the devas led by thundergod Indra, king of devas) they aren’t worshipped as proper gods anymore and not sworn by in any capacity except Agni (fire) …

2.5) because Agni is supposed to be the witness of the gods so he gets invoked in weddings and deaths as the divine witness. So basically swearing by Agni (singularly) in practice kind of means swearing by this old/vedic pantheon of gods because that’s his job. This comes up a lot in TV/movies when people have impromptu marriages for ~love when they swear to take each other as wives/husbands 'with Agni as my witness’. So 'Agni as my witness’ == 'the God(s) as my witness’ in many ways.

3) But! while you might invoke them in some rituals (anything yagya-like which draws from the vedas primarily)if you catch a Hindu 'praying to a god’ s/he is certainly not thinking of one of those guys in that Indo-European pantheon. Instead when people are thinking 'gods you pray to’ it’s from the Trinity family of gods which are pretty explicitly supposed to be '3 aspects of the same omniscient omnipotent capital G god. Which complicatedly get split into masculine and feminine aspects too.

4) The Trinity would be the masculine Trimurty - Brahma the creator, Vishnu the protector & Shiva the destroyer and the feminine Tridevi - Saraswati the goddess of Knowledge, Lakshmi the goddess of prosperity & Parvati the goddess of … transformation & spiritual fulfilment(ish). This is where the modern stuff gets weird and complicated. Cuz while the modern Hindu would consider each of the above as gods in practice people consider themselves devotees of 1 single aspect of the above ….

4.5) …. and boy are the a LOT of different combinations/intepretations of the above 6 aspects which different levels of popularity. Ram and Krishna, two of the Avatars of Vishnu are very very popular so 'hey Ram’ (also the last words of Gandhi) and 'hare Krishna’ are popular phrases with similar intent as 'oh god’. But most religious ppl consider themselves the main devotee of 1 single aspect while also considering other aspects valid & praying to them as/when situation/festival demands

5) Which v long story summarized means that no at least Hindi-speaking Hindus do not say things like ’ oh my gods’ cuz a) the word for god has identical singular-plural form and b) the modern practiced religion is not as simply polytheistic as portrayed in most of the fantasy greco-roman inspired pantheons where chars say 'by all the gods!’ etc. Also c) Hinduism has never really been a single religion it’s more a fusion/synthesis of traditions classified as a single religion cuz colonialism.

6) I think if you’d like to really find out if organic language in a truly polytheistic society of the kind found in fantasy lit would talk like that one might want to study past language use. Even Modern Japanese Shintoism is blended with Buddism and its one/higher god conception of Buddha (btw interestingly Hindus consider Buddha to be an avatar of Vishnu) and I think Mandarin doesn’t really do singular/plural divide.

7) PS: sometimes if it is a long sentence with a verb (where some differences crop us specifying singular and plural use) some people do occasionally use gods! For example I just thought of this. 'Gods be with you' is an actual thing but so it 'God be with you' because the difference is literally just the addition of a nasal sound on the verb which many people don't pronounce very well colloquially. But also that plural could be just the respect plural (tu/vous thou/you distinction) so hmm. idk.

8) PPS sorry for spamming your inbox but your question made me think! But speaking as a person who grew up Hindu with multiple gods in the cultural landscape, the use of 'gods’ in fantasy lit conversation does not bother me at all. It’s a nice use of flavor. What I often find more (mildly) annoying is that apparently everyone has same religion/pantheon throughout the world with no variation in beliefs.

Oh wow, tysm for the in depth answer! I knew some of this, but having the whole thing put into context with history and grammar was really helpful. (And honestly anon? The monotheistic world beliefs thing bothers the HECK out of me, too).

[thank-you-pete-archive]

MORE HIGH SCHOOL NEWSIES HC BECAUSE I HAVE SOOOO MANY OF THEM!!!

Okay, so, Davey ice skates and you cant tell me otherwise

And he's like, v good

Spot is on the wrestling team for the school and when the others go to watch him they always scream the loudest

Darcy is also a part of the school paper

He's also in a bunch of tech classes

Romeo flirts w/ everyone in the halls, especially Darcy

Darcy gets flustered easily and he has asthma, so when Romeo flirts with him he either 1) goes rly red and shuffles off, or 2) has an asthma atack

He's only had one atack and that's when Romeo tried to kiss him once

Sarah used to help Les with his math hw, but now Race (who is math wiz #1) helps him and she is v jealous

Medda owns a theater/bar thing and she lets people go on stage and sing. Every Friday night the gang goes to her bar thing and they have a karaoke night and it's gr8

JoJo eats so much at lunch. Like, if you're full and you still have stuff left, he'll just eat it. He is the trash can at the gangs table at lunch.

Crutchie is one of the nicest people in the school, but he saw buttons being pushed around by the Dalencey brothers(their the resident bullies of the school) and he hit them with his crutch. Buttons was rly happy that crutch was there and gave him a rly big hug

Crutch is really huggy and cuddly so he rly likes long hugs and movie nights bc he gets to cuddle w/ ppl

Tommy boy is boss at dodge ball during pe

Darcy and Romeo had pe together one year. You can guess how that went. Lots of Romeo just checking Darcy out while he was getting dressed.

The orchestra kids in the group have a before performances ritual where they all have to recite vines without looking them up on there phones

Elmer and Albert have gotten into so many arguments it's not even funny (well, it is rly funny 2 see them argue bc it's just... al's voice gets rly high when he's angry and elm just ends up laughing on the floor)

One time a teacher saw Race vaping and they took his vape pen. He ended up smacking her and getting a weeks worth of detention

Sarah is in color gard and she's the gun leader and she's rly good

Kath is supportive gf for Sarah every football game when they perform

No one argues w/ Spot just bc he's head of the debate team and he can win any argument, well, unless it's with Davey bc he end's up using rly big words and no one knows what he's saying

Race does ballet and tap and ppl just laughed at him at first but he just ends up doing pirouettes away from them while fliping them off

They always say "hecc" bc crutchie (mom friend) didn't like all the profanity and everyone is nice to crutch. Not just bc of his crutch but he's also ball of sunshine and no one wants to make him angry

Kath once wrote a whole artical for the paper about how annoying fidget spinners were and why they should be banned from the school unless you absolutely need one

It got put in the paper and she was like "h o w??"

Finch has 5 dogs

don't ask why

There all big dogs, like GSP's or something

Gsp is German short haired pointer btw

There rly cute, look em up

Race and Spot make out after school in Spot's car

Race is on the track team(obviously) and he does sprints and the relays. Sometimes he does long jump if the other guys aren't there.

And yes, he is on the boys track team. They didn't put him on the girls and he was so happy they didn't

Race and Spot make out after track meets too

Sarah is a proud lesbian along w/ her proud bi gf, kath

I jus love those girls together

Sorry I jus yeah

Darc has a toy poodle and it yaps all the time but is a v good girl

Davey's fam has a cat named pony bc Les named it when he was, like, 4 and they had just gotten the cat and les was like "PONYYYYY!!!!!1111!1!!11" and the fam was like, "well, ur pony now."

No one knows where blink is half the time, like they'll all make plans to go somewhere together and hell be there at the beginning, but 5 min in and he's gone????

Jack and Kath dated for a while but they didn't rly feel anything so they broke up but there still rly good frens

It's like, not weird at all and jack was rly happy for kath when she finally asked Sarah out and she said yes

There is always a sleep over going on. It's usually at Medda's bc she's chill af and everyone loved Medda

She's gotten teacher of the year 5 years in a row at the school(soon to be 6)

She put on a lesbian Romeo and Juliet. You can guess who played the lesbian couple. The only lesbian couple I've talked abt so far

They put on "Dear Even Hansen" too and crutch played even except he broke his leg

Kath and mush were the Murphy siblings while specs played Jared.

Specs can act good boi

And he does photography so for home coming and prom he took all of the squads pics

He also got to take other couples and groups pics too (they had to pay but his squad got off for free)

Specs in in photography club

Buttons makes everyone's Halloween costumes. Except for crutchie's bc crutch wears the same outfit every year. He's a pirate and it's adorable

One year they all dressed up as crayons and you just see a big group of teenagers wearing crayon outfits walking down the sidewalk. It was gr8

Okay

That's all i got 4 now

Have a gr8 day and ily frens

Bi

[channiekyun]

flower boy//monsta x//hyungwon

pairing: chae hyungwon/reader ((ft. a friend wonho)) genres: fluff, bullet fic! , college au! word count: 1730 summary: in which you embarrass yourself in front of the school’s flower boy x2 a/n: this was stupid and i’m procrastinating on reading 20 chapters of a book i was supposed to read a week ago..

you probably were going to die out of embarrassment

and every great story starts that way so

okay, you were fighting with wonho on the topic of what type of instant ramen was the best

instant ramen bc y’all a bunch of broke af college students

he was saying that any ramen would really do but you commented that some types were disgusting

you were yelling at each other every minute you could

literally screaming at each other in the hallway

so people knew what was going on between the two most extra ppl in the school

you even gained some eye rolls from ppl in the hall

what a bunch of meanies :((((

you and wonho even had a text fight that night bc of ramen

that was your first text fight together ;((((((((

but when you got together at school in the morning, the tension was less thick but you could still feel that the fight was ongoing 

you sat down in your assigned seats and listened to the lecture

until you felt your phone buzz in your pocket

in which you looked across the room to wonho then checked the text

‘do u really think that some ramens are bad???’

you looked back at him mockingly and started typing

‘some instant ramen are disgusting u kno’

his face shown shock

‘u traitor.’

you disregarded the lecture going on right before your eyes and placed all your focus on wonho

he showed you an unkind frown with his finger tracing down his cheek to resemble a tear

you scoffed silently

you put both your fists up to your eyes and started moving them and started doing the most exaggerated frown to make it look like you were crying

wonho widened his eyes and started using both hands with all ten fingers to resemble tears

then you started lowering your head so multiple chins could be seen while you moved your fists faster

this was a greater war than the both of you expected

this kept on happening for the next five or so minutes while the professor was dozing off in his chair

for some reason, nobody paid attention to you two

maybe it was the fact that they did not care abt your stupid ramen fight

you both upped your games to be the more extra person

but then you realized

all of this was a mistake

omfg

you turned your head to see the “official flower boy” of the school, chae hyungwon, looking back at you

OMG WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

you stopped and froze at the sight of him

*freeze frame, record scratch* 

‘hello, im (y/n), and judging from the scenario you’re seeing rn, you’re probably wondering how I f-ed up my life’

time must have stopped

he raised an eyebrow at your reaction

hyungwon seemed unreadable at this scene

so being the awkward girl u were:

‘..hey..?’

then the bell rung, how comedic

your face showed despair as hyungwon got up and left the classroom

you turned to wonho who was busy cackling in his seat

so naturally you got up and

‘YOU BIT- COME HERE*SLAP*’

and that was the first time you embarrassed yourself in front of the school’s flower boy

satan must be after you

maybe satan just rlly like instant ramen

maybe satan was wonho

next day, same class, you were supposed to be working on a worksheet with a partner

satan wonho partnered up with minhyuk so you were royally screwed

screwed bc the only other person who was unpartnered was hyungwon

jfc

you tapped his shoulder from behind

‘do you wanna work together?’

he hesitantly nodded and moved towards you

he didn’t talk much 

and you weren’t sure whether it was bc he was just naturally quiet or bc of what had happened yesterday

you got stuck on a question and mustered up the courage to ask him

‘hey so for number 9..’

he slid his paper to you without a glance ‘here you go’

‘oh. k. thanks.’

that went unexpectedly

um

so you both got your work done without another word

hyungwon quickly attempted to rush towards the door

but with your womanly strength™ you stopped him

‘hey, why don’t you talk to me?’

he seemed surprised but he soon fell to be unreadable

‘do you want me to talk to you more?’

‘yes.’

you were the bluntest girl he had ever met

that was probably what got him interested in you

‘don’t you need to get to wonho?’ he narrowed his eyes

you looked confused at his words 

‘why would I need to do that, he left with minhyuk already anyways.’

‘isn’t he your boyfriend?’

wow, that escalated quickly

‘wait, wonho? we’re not dating, we’re best friends.’

he opened his mouth to say something

only to be interrupted by you saying ‘walk with me’

so he followed you

and suddenly he felt stupid for the amount of time he thought you and wonho were dating

‘it looked like you guys were having a couple’s fight yesterday’

‘we were fighting over ramen, I thought everybody knew that though. we were practically at each other's throats, well, everywhere on campus.’

‘i guess i was the only one who didn’t ha...’

you got a whole lot closer in the short hours you were together\

finding out numerous things you in common and what not

you guys found yourselves at the park at night

he insisted that he walk you home

to which you happily agreed to

that was the first time your heart started beating for the school’s flower boy

you were now best friends with hyungwon i guess

((ft. a jealous friend wonho))

you even brought hyungwon into the ramen argument

remember, even hyungwon the flower boy was a broke af college student

(also note, he sided w/you obvs)

wonho even started complaining that you were replacing him

which you denied bc wonho has been with you since middle school

you accidentally confessed over a drunk call which was supposed to be to wonho

so you see, you constantly complained abt hyungwon and how RUDE he was like oh my fucking god

and from wonho’s pov he was able to see double

hyungwon did the same geez about you

wonhoe is not 911 or your ‘feels line’ guys

it was finals week and to get rid of that sweet, bitter pain you decided to drink something sweet and bitter to get rid of that worry

you ended up certainly drunk enough for a rant session

‘wonho this is abt hyungwon. like did you see him today twirling his pencil with his fingers? I mean his fingers are f-ing pretty, y’know what I mean? and that’s one of the new reasons that I like him like Jesus f-ing christ I actually want to marry this man y’know?’

there was silence

and you think of wonho you do not think of silence

‘hey wonho, i do know it’s midnight after final season but help a drunk girl out’

 ‘(y/n), do you actually want to marry me?’

it was his voice

every feature on your face shown faces of pure shock

like how many times did you have to embarrass yourself in front of this guy

what did you do in your past life that made you deserve this

‘h-hey! hyungwon, i’m just rlly drunk rn so just forget about this ok??? especially the whole finger thing!!!!!’

actual panic mode

more silence

oh my lord what did you just do

‘hyungwon? hyungwon! hyungwoooonnnn!’

and so forth

the call ended and you resulted in drunk texting him

which probably wasn’t that much of a good idea but still

you probably ruined this relationship you built

also, you were scared of rejection from the guy you had feelings for

this is not what you drank that bottle of cheap liquor for

then you heard a knock and you opened the door

a very tired hyungwon was in front of the door to your apartment

he took multiple deep breaths before starting

‘(y/n), do you like me?’

you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear

‘i mean, yeah, we’re like best friends and all’

he shook his head impatiently

‘no, like, do you love me.’

he took a step into your apartment, causing you to step back

‘because i love you too’

you started tearing up because of the whole scenario you were in

also maybe bc you were kinda drunk

you pulled him into a hug

‘yeah, i love you’

and there you were both

he had ended up sleeping at your apartment that day

and that was when you embarrassed yourself in front of the school’s flower boy for the second time

you finally both got out of college together

and you managed to pay off student debt in a year together

when you revealed that you were dating hyungwon to wonho and the crew

he was destroyed

like he was sobbing all over

‘DIDN’T THE RAMEN FIGHT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU? AGH! I’M SO HURT’

but in all honesty, he was cool with it

he was friends with hyungwon before you started dating anyway

third wheeler wonho

like everywhere

the movie theaters, the ice cream place, the zoo, just everywhere k

sleepy nights together

your friends cannot even take anymore bs from the two of you btw

both of you can hear drama and salt being spilled from a mile away so you sipped your tea together

so tea time together was every day or every minute of your day

taking selcas and just laughing bc

‘you really do look like a frog’

‘i will have to take that as a compliment’

‘don’t take it as a compliment, take it as an insult’

‘no, bc i love you’

‘but i love you too’

*cue wonho popping up from behind your couch* ‘aw, i love both of you guys’

you guys are just the memeist couple out there

but who needs current memes when you have your boyfriend????

you were happy with each other’s love

and that was the first time you shared feeling with someone you loved

aka the school’s flower boy, hyungwon

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

hot take

if you’re gonna write a story that takes place in china

maybe actually do the research abt china???

fair warning: if you like really like cinder and/or marissa meyer you may just wanna sit this one out

in these trying times of lost innocence of childhood and being more aware of social justice issues, i find myself being very critical of the entertainment media i consume

esp when it comes to representation, bc representation is important to me. and it’s becoming more and more important to me the older i get, as an asexual chinese-american woman. i’m still on the fence abt no rep v. bad rep, but this isn’t what this post is mainly abt

i’m currently reading cinder, by marissa meyer for my book club

and i just...i have a lot to say abt it. a lot that i really gotta get off my chest before i feel i can continue to read it

i’d preferably like to talk abt it with my friends (and maybe i will when the time comes), but i’d have to wait until june 1 and finish the book. as i said above, i really have to get this off my chest before i can finish it, so here i am, screaming into the void

so to begin, and i usually comment abt this when it comes to A LOT of east asian rep i see in entertainment media: my beef with the combination of east asian culture to mean one (1) asian/east asian culture

in this case, a combo of east asian cultureS (plural) into one (1), which would be china

honorifics

there are honorifics in china--like you definitely want to apply the correct honorific to your authority figures (i.e., parents, teachers, doctors, bosses, etc.)

and that part of china’s culture was taken, and then adapted into japanese culture today, HOWEVER, the way it’s used in japanese culture today is very different than how chinese ppl use them

okay so disclaimer real quick, chinese is my second language, and i have not taken up learning japanese, and am i’m going off information i’ve learned from my friends who took japanese as their second langauge; so the information i provide here may not be precisely accruate (hence, having trouble finding better words to explain this)

a lot of china’s honorifics aren’t as “““specific”””--for major lack of a better word--as japan’s

they have mr., miss, mrs., teacher/master, doctor, etc., and, in general, it’s custom to use them bc they are important--authority and hierarchy is v important to collectivistic cultures

japan has “““specific””” identifiers that are often, if not always, used to identify any of those older, younger, or equal to you

senpai, -chan, -san, -sama, etc., as well as other identifiers as placeholders for the person’s name to communicate who they are in relation to the person speaking (e.g., oniisan, oniichan, oniisama)

how honorifics are used in cinder is almost completely wrong, not just in culture, but also through translation

from meyer’s website:

-dàren: for a high-ranking official today is simply means adult, or grown up. it can be used as a respectful honorific toward superiors, but it mostly just means adult. archaically it did mean “your/his excellency.” but again, today, it’s mainly used to refer to an adult. and i imagine however far into the future this book takes places, they’d use it the same way??? but i mean i guess if they went back to imperialism

-shìfu: for an older male this is actually master (as an honorific, such as teacher is, or to specify a very qualified worker). sometimes it can be used to address strangers, specifically older men (not necessarily specifically, or often, used for an older male)

-jūn: for a younger male idk where she got “younger male” from bc it’s mostly used as a measure word. it can be used as an honorific, but translates to “your” not younger male. had she been going by the “honorifics” she uses below, it should be dì, which comes from dìdi (弟弟), which means younger brother (but not necessarily younger male)

-jiĕ: for an older female my best guess is this is derived from jiĕjie (姐姐), which means older sister (not necessarily older female)

-mèi: for a younger female once again, she probably derived this from mèimei (妹妹), which means younger sister (not necessarily younger female)

these specific pinyin (more specifically the last two/three) that she picked cannot be separated from the other pinyin that help to identify them. jiĕ and mèi don’t exist by themselves in the chinese language (compared to -chan, or -san do in japanese), and therefore do not translate as such in meyer’s book. not to mention, multiple characters can be applied to jiĕ and mèi depending on the context and other pinyin/character next to it that helps form the word, or helps distinguish the context

she perhaps simplified these honorifics a little too much. so much so in fact that they lost their meaning. quite literally

and, as i said before, these honorifics aren’t used like they are in japanese culture/language. you don’t tack on honorifics behind someone’s name (like a suffix) as they do in japan. the whole honorific (not just half of it, not like a suffix) comes after someone’s name, such as Lín lăoshī (林老师), which means Teacher Lin. or replaces their name entirely, such as tā shì wŏ de dìdi (他是我的弟弟), which means “this is my younger brother” (as opposed to, “this is bob, my younger brother” or variations of that same sentiment)

names

now, in this futuristic world, i can understand if there are names from other countries (esp. other east asian countries)

however, if your crown prince’s name of china has a japanese name...i’m probs gonna call you out on it. esp bc china and japan don’t have The Best history. now maybe they’ve worked thru it after all these yrs, but still

he’s the crown prince of china

he’s mostly just refered to as prince kai. which i would be okay with if it was just that bc kai is chinese

however, his full name? kaito. kaito is japanese

rikan? japanese. like wtf, if your the emperor of china, you should probs have a chinese name. i mean, you’d think hope?

iko? also japanese (i admit this is being a lil nit-picky, bc cinder or adri or whoever is free to name their android whatever-the-hell they want to, i’m just saying)

and i mean, i guess i can see names from other countries in the real world too, but you have to remember china has the largest population of ppl in the world, so the chances that there are ppl within a certain district who don’t have chinese names is v slim (esp bc you have to take the hsk to show you can contribute to society in china before they grant you a visa to live/work there).

compare that to cinder’s district, where we have cinder, adri, iko, peony, pearl, sacha, fateema, and dr. earland. oh and then the lab tech named li, who’s most definitely the only one i can assuredly say is chinese (and i would hope looks chinese)

now, again, bc it is the future, maybe more (like A LOT more) ppl have moved to china lbr tho, they’ve moved back to imperialism, why would you choose to live there? but i’d still be bitter abt it regardless, bc like china, in theory, should have chinese ppl? w/ chinese names??? i imagine it’s still a p big country in this future

optics

i really wish cinder looked chinese. this is more of a personal thing, and i get that genes aren’t so cut and dry, and if she’s a lunar, then yeah she probably won’t look completely chinese

but a girl can dream for representation other than just mulan ya know (not saying mulan sucks or anything, but it’s like, kinda the only thing i have so)

esp bc the book takes place in china. and she is said to be at least mixed “““““asian”””””

i also wish the fucking prince looked chinese--his skin is fair according to the wikia

bruh

why are you so afraid to make your main characters brown

on a more serious note, and this is getting really nit-picky (kinda) again, but i really wish meyer had put more thought into dr. earland’s character. okay, now, i haven’t finished the book so the good doctor may, in fact,,, be...a...good....................doctor..............?

but my point still stands in that dr. earland comes of as very sexist (with undertones of racism, wheeeeee) bc he hates fateen (who has dark skin, btw) bc she’s taller than him

and he’s also super creepy (as in, “where i’m from, that’s called pedophilia” kind of creepy) bc of his strange interest in young, teenage (cyborg) girls...

yeah

and okay, again, i haven’t finished the book, so maybe he’s supposed to come off that way

but an old, white dude showing too much interest in finding a young woc? not v good optics, regardless of dr. earland’s character yeah?

the fact the fateen points this out does absolutely nothing (aka lampshading).

if you point it out, but continue to fall into a harmful stereotype, you are still perpetuating the stereotype. full stop

misc

i say “misc” but most of this really falls under criticism of the author herself, misc is just shorter

i think it’s great that she’s taking this age-old fairy-tale and putting it into my place of birth, bc representation means the absolute world to me. also i really like this idea that the first telling of cinderella took place in china like fuck yeah, steal that white disney princess from the europeans

but i really wish you’d do it right

in her faq, she apologizes if she got anything wrong, but that’s like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound

how much research is research? did she just google a bunch of stuff, or did she sit down and actually talk to ppl from china? or chinese-americans who have kept their chinese culture?  participate in chinese culture to gain a better understanding?

going by the fact that she wrote cinder in a month, she probably stuck to google

which...i mean i guess i’m glad she made the effort, but it woulda been nice if she’d, after getting a book deal, consulted chinese ppl and edited what needed to be edited yeah? i know she did a little editing, but she said the whole process took 3 months from the time she found an agent to getting a book deal, so like...i’m willing to bet she didn’t sit down with some chinese folk and talk abt their culture (and so on)

and look, it’s really not that hard. and, sure it may delay when the book gets published, but at least it’d be more accurate. and better representation.

rather than falling into what most ppl do these days (i’m looking at you miraculous ladybug) and combining all the east asian cultures to make one (1) culture, and call it--not even east asian--but asian

as if that one (1) monster culture that’s mostly made of up east asian cultures could speak for the variety and diversity of a total of 48 countries, and their respective cultures, that are within the asian continent

now, this whole “calling it asian culture” isn’t meyer’s fault--it’s a side-effect of our society. like i get that, and i’m not trying to put the blame solely on her shoulders

but she still perpetuates it by choosing not to talk to chinese ppl abt a folk tale the may have originated in china, in order to ya know, make it more accurate to china. considering it takes place...IN CHINA

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.