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hanafubukki · 3 months ago

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He heard tales of love being like snow.

Silent and gradual.

All encompassing.

But love was more than that to Lilia Vanrouge.

Love was of a promise to return.

Love was the prick of thorns and desperation as he was dragged away.

Love was thunder strikes and cries of loneliness that only he could hear, waiting patiently for his return through endless prolonged years and promises of cuddles and stories.

Love was the cry of one silent for centuries and hands stayed from revenge.

Love was respect earned and gleaming eyes from tales told by a comrade.

Love was agony and self-restraint for hundreds of years.

Love was words left unspoken.

Love is soft lips waking him, begging him to help save dear ones.

Love is using anything within reach, of strength from deep within, blood dripping to free oneself from thorns.

Love is running towards danger, disregarding one’s own safety. How could he care when pieces of his world were in danger?

Love is courage: to walk towards what you know will be your end. Because without them, there would be no you.

Love is gentle, yes, but it was also painful. It meant sacrifices and tears. It means selflessness and kindness.

Yet, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

He was blind to love once upon a time.

But not anymore.

How could he be?

When it was love that always saved him?

I love you too.

Sometimes, I’m surprised on what inspires me to write and what I actually finish. 😂😆 (person who threw the other wips aside to write this fic and almost scrapped it). Lolol

Been thinking of Lilia and love lately 💚💞

Some notes about this fic:

The first two lines were inspired by a quote I saw on twitter that I can’t find because bookmarks are endless. 😂

If you know me, you know I love “true love kiss” and will always add it in sneakily if I could 😂💞🌸

I purposely switched from “love was” to “love is”

“Pieces of His World” is a homage to this fic of mine. Both this fic and that fic are in Lilia’s pov.

I’m still not over my nonverbal ways of saying “I love you.” As you can see 🥰🥺. Love through actions. Diasomnia is full of love through actions.

Something something that Lilia Vanrouge is stubborn. Yes, he needed love that is gentle and healing for one such as him. But he also needed the type of love that doesn’t hold back. That’s upfront and a bit prickly and a bit painful. Because he’s dense or rather in denial too and sometimes, you need to smack him with it. 😂😭

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kwillow · 2 months ago

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A little devil.

Mostly drawn because I got some asks about what an infernal Ambroys might be like -- I didn't figure people would be curious, but perhaps I should have known. Tumblr loves a tiefling...

(Asks and answers under the cut)

AUs that change up major aspects of a characters life are always tricky to solidify, because you need to consider which of their personality traits are inborn versus which ones were manifested or exacerbated by their life history. Even though I think growing up as this highly distrusted and stigmatized kind of creature could theoretically make him humbler or nicer, he wouldn’t feel much like himself. I would consider three traits to be core to an Ambroys feeling like an Ambroys: his ego issues, his need to be liked, and his difficulty empathizing with others. So let’s assume he’s going to be that way no matter what.

Being of celestial heritage, born of these powerful, once-worshipped (even if they aren’t any longer) beings, naturally exacerbates those personality traits. He’s got a big ego because he’s grown up being told he’s the gods’ favorite princess, but it’s also easily damaged because he can’t live up to those expectations, his preoccupation with having others’ adoration is fed by being guaranteed their attention like the Baroque version of child star, and he’s going to empathize with others less because he’s literally “not like them.”

Being infernal, these hated, feared and disliked creatures, would flip some of these things. Maybe instead, his ego would manifest as being something “special” but despised despite his capabilities. One can assume his whining about how “people just can’t handle me because I’m cooler than them” in this comic would be similar, but heavier on the “the world just doesn’t GET ME, MAAAN” and less on trying to be something other people want (because people don’t want him in the first place). Instead of fearing he’s less than people expect, he might instead be convinced he can be more than people know. Instead of being hugely egotistic on the surface with secret insecurities, he might scrape and act self-deprecating while secretly believing he’s above all that.

While normally, Ambroys can get away with bad behavior because people are inclined to believe he’s inherently good (including himself), this Ambroys would be told he’s inherently evil. While I think that could manifest as him being completely mask-off, because he wants to be liked, an infernal Ambroys might instead be more careful with his behavior.

For instance, normally, Ambroys knows that people he’s just met will be on his side, and getting to know him well tends to lead to their opinions of him worsening, so he cultivates shallow first impressions and tries to play to what other people’s best impressions of him are, as well as resorting to cheap tactics like sex appeal to have the most shallow attention-grabbing persona possible. So, despite how I drew him, an infernal Ambroys might tamp down on the sexy bad-boy thing (knowing it would reflect badly on him and come off as “sleazy” instead of “dreamy”).

Leading from that, I typically describe Ambroys as “stupid,” but he’s like that not because of any inherent limitations to his intellect, but because he can coast through life without trying, so he never needed to develop any skills he didn’t want to. Eventually, in his older years, he struggles enough in his life that he develops things like “forethought” and “theory of mind.” This Ambroys would have to learn more quickly to demonstrate his best qualities to others, so he’d be cleverer and more canny.

Would he use that for good? Fuck no, he’s still an Ambroys. But his attempts at manipulation would be more calculated and long-term, rather than “just start going through my mansplain, manipulate, manwhore routine until I get the attention I want” that Ambroys does. An infernal Ambroys would know he’ll never have the majority of people on his side, so he might value making few, more valuable connections more. He’d focus his efforts on seeking useful allies and sucking up to them to try to get what he wants, instead of wasting his time trying to appeal to people who will probably never care for him. Instead of shallow surface appeal, he might focus on appearing more useful to key allies. He cannot be wanted, but he can be needed. Instead of trying to crowd-surf, he’d try to ladder-climb.

At some point in Ambroys’ life, the powers that be put him to use in the military. Ambroys normally views this as an aggravating burden (albeit fun at times, in the way that he enjoys hunting boars). Infernal Ambroys would be more gung-ho about it, in the interest of demonstrating his usefulness to powerful people and getting the recognition he feels he deserves.

You might notice that none of these behaviors are particularly “nice.” Ambroys can normally appear very friendly, if not terribly kind, because he assumes most people will like him, and that gives them value even if he doesn’t really think much of their inner worlds or emotions. Everyone is beneath him, so he doesn’t treat a noblewoman much better than a barmaid, barring some necessary rules of etiquette. Since most people won’t like an infernal Ambroys due to widespread beliefs about infernals, a demonic Ambroys wouldn’t bother with them. He wouldn’t even pretend to give a shit about most people. Instead glad-handing with the peasantry, he’d focus on people “on his level” (power-players, nobility, etc.) He’d appear much cooler in his manner with most people, perhaps shallowly polite but distant, shirking most social interaction because it’d be a waste of his time.

…Wow that was more words than I thought I’d be able to type about this silly concept, maybe I should cut that one off here. TL;DR: Infernal Ambroys would appear more humble, but be just as egotistical beneath. He’d be more asocial than Ambroys normally is, but work very hard to cultivate key relationships, being a more canny social player at a younger age. He would not really be any nicer, unless you’re in a position of power that might help him get the appreciation he feels he deserves.

I went into his personality above, so instead let's talk about FAMILY MATTERS.

To briefly summarize Ambroys' family situation: his father is an older nobleman who never succeeded at having heirs, and was "blessed" with one by a celestial because of his devout and goodly nature, who left Ambroys with him to raise. A few years later, that same nobleman had an oops-baby with a commoner woman -- that would be Charles (apparently Ambroys' dad wasn't completely infertile after all).

Perhaps, with an infernal, the whole Ambroys situation would be less a prayer being answered, and more a deal with the devil. A Faustian bargain to finally have the son he's always wanted.

Ambroys' dad is a good guy. I think he'd be kind to his demon son (he asked for it after all), but would keep him sequestered away, knowing the stigma they'd both face if he showed his his in polite society.

Charles entering the picture would also be... complicated. You go to all this trouble and sully your good name to have a demon baby, and then just have a perfectly good normal baby a few years later. Damn. A bastard child isn't great for your image, but it's more socially acceptable than the whole deal with the devil thing.

Rather than the normal dynamic of Ambroys being paraded about and Charles kept on the sidelines until he's proven himself, in this AU, Charles would be the son their dad favors at first, with Ambroys being the shameful secret. Charles is also still a good guy, so I think he'd try to be friendly with Ambroys, but would always have this pitying, condescending edge to their interactions (as opposed to normal Charles, who looks up to a celestial Ambroys as this perfect older brother he can never live up to).

Their relationship would be less turbulent, but an infernal Ambroys would resent Charles being the "good" son in the same way that celestial Ambroys resents him for being a rival. Instead of taking it out on him by being a petty bully, an infernal Ambroys might instead try to use him for his own ends, being a devil on his shoulder (ha ha), knowing Charles can navigate through the world more easily than he can. Then take out that long-bubbling resentment on him in a big way, once he doesn't need Charles any longer. They've still gotta have that Abel and Cain thing going on.

They might still become friends as kids, because I don't think Ambroys would be cognizant enough of his power quest at like five years old to decide she's below his notice, and Lou flouts social norms, perhaps including avoiding devils. They'd need to keep their friendship a secret, though -- her parents would probably not be so keen on their daughter's little buddy.

Though I don't think they'd stay close. Part of what Lou likes about Ambroys is that he shows a side of himself he doesn't to other people, which he does primarily because she's lower status and therefore "harmless," and he's also a major ditz who looks to her for advice and consoling because he doesn't "get" people (not that she does). His openness lets her feel she has this absurd connection to power, and command over that power, that someone of her status normally never would. It's intoxicating to her.

Since infernal Ambroys would be cannier, he wouldn't need advice from her. He also wouldn't want her to feel that she has power over him, which ruins that avenue of appeal. He might still appreciate their childhood friendship, being someone with few positive social connections, but grow more distant as he seeks more valuable connections later in life. Her insulting, abrasive personality would also be unpleasant and tiresome to him -- he would get that from everyone, as opposed to celestial Ambroys, who finds it novel and exciting that she's so openly rude to him (while still seeking out his company). I think she'd pick up on that and start considering him someone that can't handle her, just like everyone else -- and also, damn, not even a fucking hellspawn can tolerate her. That would be a wound to her ego.

Ultimately, infernal Ambroys wouldn't need her in the way that Ambroys normally needs her. Instead of ending with a bang of a big blow-out break-up fight, their relationship would end with a whimper of prolonged ghosting. I guess that's better for her in the long run.

#sorry for all the doodles... i want to answer asks but it feels like flooding to post them without some “art”#i do intend to do more “compilations” but some of them seem best to answer asap if they're related to a drawing i made #i really need to do a real piece with some forethought but god i've been so busy i don't have a thought left in me U_U #ambroys #asks #doodles #amaranthine #technically #sorry these are very long rambles... I tried to keep it brief with the ask I answered last night but couldn't do it this time

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