#a bit disturbing actually
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i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:
struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings
are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs
have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests
haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential
struggle with personal hygiene
don't have any friends or dating experience
don't go outside much or at all
take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes
have unusual ways of speaking
generally aren't "normal"
#+ other things i'm probably forgetting rn#i know most of these apply to other disabilities too but i wanted to focus on autism bc of all the 'autism website' stuff#it's genuinely disturbing to see someone go 'lol autism website'#and then in the next breath be like 'omg look at this loser who [literal symptom of autism]'#but i guess when these people talk about autism they don't mean actual autism#but the tiktok style 'just a bit quirky but still able to assimilate into abled hegemony with ease' autism#i'm just tired of the hypocrisy#autism acceptance month is over now it's time for autism wrath month#being disabled on tumblr can be fucking awful sometimes. might take a break for a while bc i just don't have the energy to deal with it#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic
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iceman + his concern for maverick post-hop 31
#icemav#top gun edit#ice is a FASCINATING one to watch post-hop 31 imo because while yes‚ obviously‚ the focus is on maverick and his grief and devastation#ice is there the whole time in the background‚ watching. and he's visibly disturbed by what he's seeing. because yeah -#he and mav had a rivalry going and yeah he called maverick dangerous and reckless to his face and he stands by that - he does.#but the problem is that this time - this one fluke freak accident of a time - it wasn't maverick's fault at all.#an unrecoverable flat spin brought on by a compressor stall from ice's jetwash isn't something that maverick could've outflown#by sticking to textbook maneuvers. it was just shit luck and shitty circumstances aligning to create a tragic mishap.#but now - now ice can see the way maverick is unraveling in the aftermath#and i'd bet that on some level it terrifies him to see that.#he's used to seeing maverick with all that brash cocky confidence with the moves to back it up.#he's maybe even had a bit of fun jockeying against that. not that he'd admit that out loud. (yet)#but maverick's spiraling now - a hollowed out shell of his former self - leaking grief and self-doubt and despair everywhere he goes#and it actually hurts to look at for ice‚ seeing maverick like this. seeing how much maverick really REALLY fucking cared under that facade#and wondering if maverick is finally taking the stuff ice said to him to heart‚ but applying it all wrong.#so he watches maverick and eventually that concern builds to a point where he tries to offer an olive branch in the locker room#you can SEE how carefully he gathers himself - how much he's holding back - he doesn't want to say the wrong thing to maverick NOW#he doesn't want to make this worse than it already is. so it comes out stilted. it's earnest - but restrained. he can't find his footing.#he doesn't know where he and maverick stand now but he's sorry - that goose is gone‚ that maverick's going through this‚#that he doesn't know how to help or what to say‚ and - crucially - for his own part in this.#but he wants mav to stick around and push through this. even though he's dangerous. even though he's reckless. ice wants him to beat this.#so when maverick shows up to graduation‚ ice is encouraged. and he's a little warmer. maverick really might pull through.#but then‚ all too soon‚ it's ice's life on the line in maverick's hands. and it scares the shit out of him because maverick's not ready#and now ice - and slider - are going to have to pay the price for that.#and then‚ against all odds‚ maverick pushes through. he comes back for them. he comes back for ice.#and after that...well.#after that‚ ice does know what to say: a vow.#my amvs#linds original
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you'll see them again !
too many thoughts and things done with Intent to fully explain myself . partially bc this was supposed to be much much longer, but i think i would like to play more in the space of post-game loop.
#finallyw finished the game . i'm dunking them into the primordial soup ^.^#before i forget#isat spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#anyways . i created a very specific analogy of how the universe and the big bang Works when i was 8 and i will never shut up about it#whatever space our universe inhabits Was like a completely still lake and the big bang was something disturbing the surface.#our universe expands and will eventually run out of energy like a ripple on that lake#regardless of how their world Actually works . i think that something like that would be a popular belief in sif's country#vague idea rolling around . loop fades or is like . Somewhere Between. siffrin's unintentional rituals keep them around#something triggers them to properly exist again (i promise there are themes here) and they wash up on the shore of vauguarde#they are especially malleable for a little bit . kind of going through craft metamorphosis . they are given a place to stay for a while#there is more but these tags are already ridiculously long . someone talk to me abt them before i go nuts#frogart#m
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There was no actual dating involved when it came to being a royal.
At least not officially. Officially speaking, things started with establishing an interest, then doing some light mingling and talking that was strictly supervised, and then getting to have talks that were private, which, most of the time, were done by letters and other forms of messages. Then started the proper courting, which would gradually escalate to public courting, and finally to engagement. The engagements could last for a while, too, especially if both parties were young.
Unofficially, of course, especially during this age, all royals and nobles dated. It was just a bit of an quieter affair than other people tended to have, but it was still dating. Breha and Bail had definitely dated for a long while between their official talks and courting. Breha's parents had wanted to give her a bit more of a relaxed experience, as they had become a lot more careful with her after the fall. Bail's parents had been much the same, but Bail suspected that they were also secretly relieved over the fact that Bail had truly decided to adhere to his status, so they were willing to give him a bit leeway with some things, so he wouldn't feel pressured and get cold feet.
Not that he would've. Bail had been smitten with her from the moment she had said her first word to him. He would've given away all his other hopes and dreams, if that meant he could be with her.
Still, despite all of this, because of Breha's status as the Crown Princess, in public, they had to follow the rules. Which meant, amongst other things, that many of their activities before being engaged were severely limited by what was considered proper.
Not that Bail cared, again. He loved every second he got to spend with Breha, not matter what they were doing.
Walks were the one thing that was permitted to do in public from the very start. They did that a lot. Morning walks, if Bail was staying in Aldera and could come visit her before any other daily obligations. Afternoon walks, when the courts and lessons were on pause, and Breha wished to get some fresh air after hours of studying. Evening walks, when Bail could stretch his visit just a little further, when the city had quieted down and the stars were bright, and he could reach over without anyone batting an eye and hold her in his arms and kiss her sweetly, with his nervous heartbeat sputtering inside his ribcage.
They still did a lot of walks. Maybe it was because of nostalgia, or maybe it was so Bail could spend time with her after being away for weeks on end, and still enjoy Alderaan to the fullest. These days, their walks were longer and could take them far away from the Palace, as there was nothing that could limit them anymore.
It was precisely because all of those reasons why they were currently making their way up the trail outside Aldera. To get away from the city life and enjoy the clear skies and clean air, to clear their heads after long days of working, and to spend time together, as just Breha and Bail, and not as the Queen and the Senator.
It was a bit windy, but in all honesty, it also felt refreshing after spending so much time in the stale air of Coruscant. Bail glanced up. The lookout point was still some ways away, with newly constructed path of hardwood stairs leading up to it for the rest of the way. The view from up there would be spectacular.
Not that Bail was in too much hurry to get to the destination. Not when the whole way there was the point.
He turned back to Breha.
"I hope the path is not too steep", he joked.
Breha laughed.
"I have climbed higher mountains with much less paths", she said. She squeezed his hand. "I'm much more worried about you. The only thing you have climbed in a while are the carpeted stairs of the Senate."
Bail laughed as well.
"I climb those stairs enough times that I would already be on the top and back down again", he said.
Breha grinned.
"It's good to have you back home", she said.
Bail smiled back at her.
"It's good to be back home", he said. "I missed you."
"I missed you too", Breha said. She turned her head, and looked down, towards the city and the Palace visible in the distance. "The view is stunning."
"It is", Bail nodded. "And it will be even better from the top."
Breha didn't answer. She just looked out to the city. The wind was whipping her hair around and pulling it out from the neat braid they had been arranged into earlier that day.
She wasn't smiling anymore.
Bail frowned.
"Breha?" He called out to her. "Is everything alright?"
The wind was seriously picking up now, and was suddenly cold, like it was in the middle of the winter, instead of a bright summer's day.
"I missed you", Breha said. Bail tried to squeeze her hand comfortingly, but there was nothing in his grasp anymore. When had he stopped holding her hand?
"Breha", Bail called, and tried to reach for her hand again, but she was standing too far away for him to do so. He was already uphill, on the stairs, while she was still standing at the trail, looking down over the side of the mountain. She wasn't looking at the city anymore, just staring straight down towards the foot of the mountain.
"I missed you", she said, again. "Aren't we missing someone?"
She stepped forward. Bail hadn't noticed that she had gotten off the trail before she was already falling over the edge.
He had no time to move. He could only stand there as she fell, quickly disappearing from his view. He still heard it when she hit the ground, the hard cracking of bones breaking and the body spilling over.
Bail tried to scream. If he did scream, the sound disappeared into the roiling wind.
"Why did you do that?"
He turned around to look up the stairs. Fox was standing at the top of them, looking down at him. The red of his armor was casting a stark, red refliction on the stone surface of the stairs, that was spilling over each step, until it pooled beneath Bail's feet.
He had his helmet on, but Bail could still see his eyes. The sun was shining straight at them, but it was like he didn't even notice. He just stared at Bail with his dull, dark eyes.
They should've been golden. Fox's eyes had always been a mixture of warmth of a autumn bonfire, the same depth that reminded Bail of Alderaan's night sky, and a burst of gold every time light hit them, like the most beautiful sunsets casted over Aldera from behind the mountains.
His eyes should've been golden, with the harsh, white light shining straight at them.
They were black.
"Why did you do that?" Fox asked again. "Why didn't you help her?"
Bail tried to open his mouth to say something, to say how sorry he was, to scream and cry, but he could make no sound to defend himself.
It was because there was nothing for him to say that would ever erase his mistakes.
Fox stared at him from behind the black visor of his helmet.
"Why didn't you help me?" He asked.
His mouth didn't move as he spoke.
"I am right here", he said.
He was. He was right there, just up the steps. If Bail could make his way up in time, he could help him.
He took a step forward. His foot made a hard thud when it hit the stone surface of the step, and the red shadow underneath him rippled, and the ripple turned into a wave, traveling at an impossible speed up the stairs, all the way to Fox, who toppled over when the wave reached him. His neck twisted to the side and cracked open before he even hit the hard stone, and he fell down on to the step, his limbs splayed out and his head turned towards Bail.
He was still staring at Bail.
"I am right here", he said, even though he was already dead.
Bail tried to scream, but there was no air inside his lungs. It had all disappeared into the wind around him, to the wind that was now a storm and was tearing off the moutain from the ground, and Bail woke up with his breath strangled inside his throat.
He laid there for a moment, staring at the darkness above him, before his body reminded him that he could still breathe by making his chest burn, and Bail gasped and desperately drew in a lungful of air.
He turned to his side and heaved the air back out, before he realised that it was in the middle of the night and that he was not alone in the room. He snapped his mouth shut and tried to breathed back in quietly through his teeth and calm down his painfully thundering heartbeat while doing so.
Then he remembered who were in the same room with him.
Bail turned around. Breha was sleeping in the middle tonight, after Fox and Bail had deemed her sufficiently pleased and had wanted to keep her in their holds afterwards. She wasn't wearing much more than a thin nightshirt, and through it, Bail could see the soft, golden glow under her skin, showing that she was breathing and her heart was beating.
Fox was sleeping with his face pressed onto Breha's arm, his blanket for once not draped up all the way to his shoulders, for which Bail was very thankful for, since now, when he sat up and and leaned over, he could see the same soft, golden glow under Fox's skin as well, running as a line from his neck down to small of his back.
Bail could finally breathe properly.
He looked at them for a little longer, and then laid back down. He breathed. His heart was gradually slowing down.
There were tears in his eyes. Bail wasn't sure if they had appeared there just now, or if he had been silently crying in his sleep, while he had not been able to do so in the dream.
Dream. That was all that it was. A dream. A nightmare.
Breha was alive, Fox was alive. It had just been a nightmare.
Bail let the tears fall down before wiping them away.
It was a good thing they had had some fun before going to sleep that night, because it looked like both Breha and Fox were still knocked out because of it, and had not woken up because of Bail's distress. Good. Bail wouldn't have wanted them to wake up.
He knew both of them would be disappointed in him if he ever admitted that to them.
Bail let some more tears fall down, and wiped them away again. He listened to Fox and Breha breathe, and breathed with them. Softly and slowly. He should go back to sleep.
He couldn't make himself close his eyes.
There was a knock on the door. Bail blinked, and lifted his head.
The knock came again before he could do anything else, this time much louder, very much as hard as a tiny fist could knock onto the door. The slow rhythm of Fox's breath stopped, and he lifted his head up as well. He saw Bail awake as well, and looked at him for the short moment it took for his brain to wake up.
"Is it Leia?" He mumbled.
"From the sound of it, yes." Bail was surprised how level and calm he managed to make himself sound.
Fox hummed.
"Are you dressed?" He asked.
"Sufficiently", Bail answered. Fox hummed again, and pushed himself up. Breha was waking up now as well, and she rubbed her eyes and slowly propped herself up on her elbow as Fox slid out of the bed.
"Bad dreams?" She asked, her voice quiet because of the sleep clinging to it.
Bail knew that she meant Leia.
"Maybe", he said, thankful that it was dark in the room.
Fox got the door open. He didn't even get to say anything, when Leia darted past him, her tiny feet sprinting as fast as they could, her breath coming in high-pitched hitches. She ran around the bed and clambered up on it, pulling at the sheets, and threw herself on Bail's chest.
Bail wrapped his arms around her on instinct, his body moving before his mind could.
"Leia?" He called. "What's wrong?"
She only crawled up on him when he spoke, putting her little arms around his neck and squeezing.
"Leia?" Bail tried again.
"Don't be scared", Leia said against his shoulder. "Don't be scared, Papa. Mama and Buir are here."
Oh. Bail felt a sting of guilt. He had not wanted to wake Leia up with the nightmare, either, but it seemed that his feelings had bled over to the real world much more strongly than he had even realised.
"I'm not", he said, squeezing her back. "I'm not, don't worry about me."
Fox had gotten back to bed now, and flicked the nightlight on.
"Oh", Breha said. She sat up properly now as well, her brow furrowed in a concerned frown. "Is everything alright?"
She reached her hand and brushed her fingers over Bail's cheek under his eye. Bail looked at her, and then at Fox, who had a very similar expression on him. Bail knew that he had not managed to dry all the tears properly enough.
Bail patted Leia gently on her back.
"Yes", he said, and gave Breha and Fox a look, hoping that they would understand that it meant that they would talk about it later.
It seemed like it worked, because they both nodded.
Breha then took her blanket.
"Move over", she said to Bail, and moved closer to the edge of the bed. Fox took his own blanket as well, and walked around the bed, sitting down in the edge and gently nudging Bail with his shoulder.
With Leia still in his arms, Bail moved to the middle of the bed, and laid back down when Breha put her hand on his shoulder and just as gently pushed him there. Fox draped Bail's blanket over both him and Leia, and then scooted so close that he could press his body against the side of Bail's.
Breha turned the light off and moved closer as well, resting her head against Bail's shoulder.
"Go back to sleep", she whispered. "We're right here."
She pressed her lips lightly on the skin there. Fox reached his hand and put it over Bail's, where it was resting on Leia's back.
Bail closed his eyes.
#okay just a warning#this got a little disturbing for a moment there#so as a warning this has some imagery that are close to looking suicidal#but no actual action like that happens#but still keep that in mind#I finally gave someone else than Fox the pov in this au and whoop#I am so sorry Bail#but at the same time I wanted to explore his trauma and anxities a bit as well#Bail most of the time takes the role of the supporter and the one who comforts#even though many of the things that have happened have had an effect on him as well#so yeah. comfort for him as well please#the kiss roulette snippets will come later I had to get this out of my system first#sw#tcw#Star Writing#my writing#Post Order 66 AU#Bail Organa#Breha Organa#Commander Fox#Leia Organa#bail/breha/fox
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‘Smouldering coals’ my ass, you clearly adore Kuriza. Emotionally repressed man who cannot comprehend that he loves his child unconditionally because his own father was awful my beloved and detested.
My father was a rat of a man, but that’s hardly relevant. I never said I didn’t care for my child.
And to think… here I was, being so vulnerable with my feelings. Shame on you, and shame on me for trying.
#img response#((he’s being a bit sarcastic but he is actually put off by this even if he can’t explain why))#((because he really Doesn’t feel love the same way a “normal” person might and he was trying to communicate that))#((he likes his son but he just isn’t able to be attached to someone in a non transactional way or at least he doesn’t think so))#((he’ll discover his love for the kid as time passes and his feelings become stronger))#((but that revulsion toward affection that he feels with others… it extends toward Kuriza too))#((when his kid shows him love there’s a significant part of him that’s completely disgusted by it…))#((it’s the first time he’s really been disturbed by his own emotional response or lack thereof))#((he only carried the kid himself as a weird sort of self-imposed science experiment. Just to see if he could))#((parenting doesn’t come naturally to him at all))
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Baldur’s Gate 3 - 24/? - Palmarosa - Astarion/Raphael
Title: Palmarosa Rating: Explicit Pairing: Astarion/Raphael Tags: (Check AO3 for the full list) Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Deals with a devil, Contracted sexual slavery, Bad BDSM etiquette, PTSD, Communication issues, Flashbacks, Trauma recovery and Retraumatisation, Dark and disturbing themes, Blood consumption, Minor character death, Canon typical violence, Dominance/submission, Top Raphael, Bottom Astarion etc.
Summary: (Set post-game / end-game) The love of Astarion’s life has disappeared to go live in the daylight with the druids, and Astarion is stuck in the darkness once more, yearning for sunlight with every fibre of his being, while bitterly reflecting on all the things that were denied to him in the end - love, sunlight, the option to kill thousands of people and become a near-god…
Raphael knows Astarion’s desperate, and comes to him with not one, but two horrid contract offers that Astarion loathes and dreads in equal measure - but the prize at the end of both are too good to turn down, and he’s become too cynical to care about how much of a good idea it is to give his body to a devil for a month or two, because really, comparatively, how bad could it be?
Palmarosa (Baldur’s Gate 3) - Raphael/Astarion - 24 - Fresh Flesh and Wet Wood
In which Raphael does damage control, Cymon offers some good advice, and Astarion decides to bait Raphael possibly to his own detriment.
#chapter update#palmarosa#thespectaclesofthor#bg3 fic#bg3 fanfic#bg3 raphael#bg3 astarion#astarion#mm romance#queer romance#hurt/comfort#disturbing themes etc.#astarion really woke up a bit once someone reminded him#that he saved the entire world actually#he was like 'oh hang on a minute YES I DID actually'#raphael: i don't like that - stop telling him
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here's some little silly art I did recently, it was all for fun and because someone (you know who you are!) asked for one of Nacho in this weird style I do sometimes
#allaboutn#i dont know why but howard's picture disturbs me#i dont like it one bit#im unsettled by my own creation#better call saul#bcs#nacho varga#howard hamlin#silly art#i should probably post art I'm actually proud of sometime soon#it was originally just nacho but when I saw that picture of Howard i thought they looked like a duo
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imo shoot me dead i guess but some of you are getting a bit too comfortable posting some back end cannibalism stuff for cotl art i was previously 'ok yeah cool!' bc i understood the dark themes of the game! and how it had a ritual for it. but uh oh.
#small vent? im more like perturbed than anything.#i just saw something that actually kind of felt disturbing to me for the first time#so now im just uh!! ok!#personal#sunny rambles#love the game but im putting the fandom just a bit more at arms distance from what ive been seeing going around#ill still update the au!! just aaa ill have to see what ill do!!#and i understand and admire art to be able to inspire/scare/disturb a person n i think thats so rad#but ill just have to be muting some stuff cotl wise on personal preference so for those waiting for some cotl art and see less thats whyjgh
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BUT IM NOT A WRITER. something strange possessed me to write my first proper fanfic in maybe a decade. be niceys to me but also grill me so i can get stronger. this one is a stupidly self indulgent bit between Soda and Emizel, a day or so after emizel was sired. CW for gore descriptions, but thats about it i think. image below is a snippet of the start. the rest of the whole dang thing will be under the cut. ive never posted fanfic ever in my life. read my tags for secret behind da scenes commentary
"Oh shit… I think hes dead…" It was another night, another patrol, another fight, and another win, for Emizel and Soda.
Under moonlight, under street light, under interwoven wires above, the two stood here in a quiet and damp alleyway. The air was drenched with the smell of a previous rain, and the puddles of said storm remain huddled in corners and pot holes.
One splashed as soda found himself stepping forwards into one. The residual adrenaline of the fight had left his body shaking, his heart still pounding, his wounds still throbbing. They had still won; or more-so, Emizel had won. A particularly nasty blow to the side had Soda reduced to the side lines for most of the fight, left to watch as his newly vampiric comrade had absolutely eviscerated the competition.
Emizel had only been turned a day ago, but it was impossible not to notice how it had changed him. He already acted so goddamn confident, so on top of the world, and this newfound power, newfound speed and strength, only built upon his insane ego.
The Fangs that they encountered here on this night stood no fucking chance. Emizel was too quick, too strong, and he easily chased off the rivals. It was only now, as the final unfortunate opponent had turned to flee, a clean clock in the jaw sent the human tumbling to the ground with a dull thump, and it did not move afterward.
Soda shifts his shoe out of the puddle, the cold seeping into his sock being one of the few things keeping his mind in his body in the moment. Is the guy breathing?
A low laugh bleeds from Emizel as he stretches his arms, licking his sharpened teeth as he stares off in the direction the remaining Fangs went. Soda knew that look on his face, the look of a tiger pondering on its next kill, he knew well that Emizel wanted to chase them.
But the guy on the ground.. It was one punch to the face, and the wicked crack sound that came from it had planted a seeding dread within Sodas chest.
As he steps forward, around the puddle, the resulting sound made Emizels attention click back over to Soda, the snap of his gaze making Soda flinch.
The two lock eyes, and Soda weakly gestures to the limp body on the floor. "The uh.. I think.. Is that guy dead?" He finally asks, having a hard time keeping contact with Emizels intensely red eyes.
Emizel turns his attention to said body, tilting his head as he goes to kick at the thing, turning it over. "Man no way hes dead, I punched him once." He mutters.
"Well, yeah, but his head almost twisted all the way around when you did.." Soda steps up to stand beside Emizel, the two boys standing with their hands in their pockets, down at this unfortunate, limp body.
"Should we hide it?" Soda asks, glancing back over at Emizel, who had.. An odd look on his face. He was clearly pondering something, but Soda could only guess whatever was going on in that brilliant head of his. He knew and trusted that Emizel was smart. If anyone could figure out what to do about this, it would be him.
But the lack of an answer had anxiety chewing at the back of Sodas rib cage, and after a second, he speaks up again, compelled to fill what he perceived as a tense silence. "Like.. I dunno, I've never uh... killed a guy..." He shrugs, prompting Emizel to let out a big sigh.
"He's not dead man, just out fuckin cold." Emizel kneels down next to the body, putting an ear up to its chest, and pondering on that for a moment. An uncertainty twists his expression, as he decides to instead place a hand on the victims throat, checking for a pulse. A moment passes, and seemingly finding nothing, he pulls back.
"Uh... Okay, so he might be dead."
Something about the confirmation from Emizel made a shiver run up Sodas spine. That, or maybe it was just the breeze agitating the cold water in his shoe.
"Huh… Damn.." Was all that Soda could really get to leave his mouth. Which was hardly a splash compared to the torrent that was slowly churning in his head. They just killed a guy. Or, Emizel just killed a guy. And it was so easy. They had to hide the body now, right? That was the usual progression here? Getting caught for murder was way more extreme than getting caught for breaking mailboxes with soda cans. It was so, so disturbingly easy. It really was just one punch. It's not like the Fangs are weak by any means, so just one punch? And this guy is dead? Forever?
Or, perhaps by human means, their rivals were fairly tough. But Emizel was on a whole other level. No mortal could stand up to him now...
"Hey, are you okay?"
The question had pulled Soda back from his head, his gaze flicking back over to Emizel, who was looking up at him with those eerie, piercing red eyes. Soda felt another shiver.
"Uh, ieah man, I'm all good." Soda nods, swallowing down whatever anxiety was bubbling up in his throat.
But Emizel didn't seem satisfied by his answer, standing back up and staring down his human comrade. Soda couldn't meet his eyes, his gaze instead traveling downward, and pausing on Emizels red, cut-up shirt. There was something off about the color, the way it seemed darker in some spots, brighter in others.. Wait, wasn't Emizel wearing a white shirt before all this?
The vampire boy seems to pick up on Sodas expression, following his eyes down to his shirt. "Oh, yeah! While you were on the floor, the knife guy got me a little" He says, a stupidly simple smile on his face. Soda was about to let out a laugh at how unbothered his friend seemed by it, but it gets caught in his throat when Emizel goes to pull his shirt up.
The sound of the bloodied fabric peeling away from skin made Sodas own skin crawl, but that wasn't nearly as bad as the sight of the intense gash running from his collar bone, down to his stomach.
"Oh, fuck dude!" Soda gasps, but Emizel laughs it off. Even despite knowing Emizel well, Soda was still surprised by just how much Emizel could shrug off. "Shit, doesn't that hurt, dude?"
"Oh yeah this fucking hurts!" he says with a laugh, his smile big and toothy and proud as he presents this egregious wound. Swollen and angry, pulsing with a slow heartbeat, and still oozing with thick, dark blood.
The sight of the split flesh, and the glints of bone beneath the dark, dark red all tugged at Sodas gag reflex, and yet he couldn't pull his eyes away. So Emizel's just been walking and talking so normally this whole time with his chest just cleaved wide open? Soda felt just as impressed as he felt horrified.
It wasn't until Emizel reaches down to poke at the abhorrent wound that Soda snaps out of it. Watching his friend press his fingers into the bloodied flesh, and slowly pulling it apart, allowing more ichor to seep from the gash, it was too much to watch at this point.
Soda reaches up to put a hand on Emizels wrist, the vampire boy stopping, and looking up at his friend.
Soda found himself freezing again when he locks eyes with Emizel. He was going to say something now, right? "U-uhm.." Is all he really chokes out, giving Emizels wrist a gentle tug. "D-do you. Uh. I suppose a hospital Isn't a place you can go anymore..?"
Emizel just smirks at that, letting Soda pull his hand away from the wound. "Oh, yeah no, but it's fine. I mean, I don't think it's gonna kill me" He shrugs. It was so, so impressive just how unphased Emizel was by all this. Fuck he's actually so cool.
"Well yeah man but it's like, still a bleeding hole. Like you're soaked in blood dude, I'm pretty sure that even a vampire needs that stuff on like, the inside." Soda rubs the back of his head, still unnerved by the sight of it all. "Vampires have like, super healing, don't they?"
"Oh yeah like, regeneration powers. I know I heal faster sometimes but I dunno how to just, activate it on command.." Emizel hums, his eyes narrowing down at his own injury, as if trying to will it into mending. Soda looks away, unable to watch that vile gash ooze any longer.
"I dunno man, how do they do it in like, video games?" Soda tosses the question out, trying to click together some sort of solution in his own head.
"Uhhh.. Huh, video games.." Emizel repeats to himself, chewing on the thought while idly poking at the laceration; until an idea audibly flickers to life in his head. "Oh, I just gotta refill my blood meter. Or whatever."
"Oooh yeah, blood meter!" Soda perks up, "Of course, see this is why you're the brains, man" Soda smiles, glancing back over to his cool friend, but immediately needing to look away again when the sight of that egregious gash tugs bile back into his throat.
While Soda averts his eyes, Emizels eyes wander back over to the body, and that classic 'Emizel has a bad idea' smile creeps across his face.
"Well, if this guys dead, I'm sure he's not gonna need all that blood.." He grins, kneeling down next to the body again.
The word 'wait' had hardly gotten the chance to crawl from Sodas mouth, before Emizel lifts up the arm of the unfortunate body, pulling the sleeve back, and immediately sinking his teeth into the exposed wrist.
The sound and the sight of blood gushing around Emizels teeth made Soda cringe, his hand impulsively coming up to aide his own wrist. An empathetic phantom pain made his wrist ache, his imagination simulating the feeling of shark teeth cutting into skin, sinking deep into the flesh, and clacking against bone. That was a lot of blood, that was streaming down the arm of this fodder.
A low growl bleeds from Emizel as he adjusts his teeth, cutting into more flesh, opening the wound further, and allowing a pulsing torrent of red to stream down his chin, onto his coat. It was an annoying thing, to clean blood out of clothing. Most of the Demons deemed it easier to just let the stains remain. But the night that Emizels throat was torn open, and liters upon liters were granted freedom from his human form, the unbelievable mess had practically changed half the color of Emizels iconic coat.
That was the first time Soda had ever seen that much blood from one person. And well. This would probably be the second.
The sight was unnerving, but it was impossible to look away. The alley was quiet, save for the distant bustle of a distant city, which made the noisy squish and squelch of teeth gnawing on flesh all the more apparent and nauseating.
Emizel had become a monster for sure, and watching it feed on something was… thrilling, in a way. It reminded Soda of feeding a pet spider, or lizard. A mouse for a snake.
It's a heavy thing to witness, the end of a human life. The fear of death is a primal thing, and Soda was no different from any other living thing. He figured everyone else feared death just as much as he does. Well, maybe except for Emizel, of course.
It made sense. Emizel was such a cocky and noisy kind of guy, but hes always had the power to back it up. Even when he lost, or seemed at his lowest, Soda still saw this sort of fire in him, one that Soda admired.
Of course Emizel would be the one to become something like a vampire. Something that Soda had always figured was just a fantasy creature thing. He wondered; if vampires were real, what else was real? Werewolves? Zombies? Unicorns? Are there real demons? Like from hell? Is hell real? Is he going to hell?
The sudden ttteeeeaaaaarrrr of flesh rips soda from his wandering thoughts. Emizel was tugging his head away from the arm of his kill, his teeth clamped down into the chewed meat, and pulling it apart. Soda had seldom seen so much of the inside of a human arm, and the sight of spilling threads and squirming veins was hardly something he ever wanted to stomach again.
"Oh fuck, dude, hey-" Soda steps forward, raising a hand, but the way Emizel snaps his head back over to him, twisting to an unnatural degree, Soda cant help jolting back.
Reddened teeth glint menacingly in the low light, a threatening growl thundering from its clenched, dripping jaws. Emizels eyes were focused, yet wild, glowing with whatever light they could reflect.
Sodas eyes were wide, and his body was frozen in the thick, electric tension within the air. It was like staring down an angry dog.. Suddenly a light bulb in his head flickers to life. It was kind of like an angry dog, right? One hunched over a meal it didn't want to give up. Memories of old encounters and unfortunate dog bites resurface in Sodas head, and with that experience, and with those lessons learned, he gathers the courage to react.
He shuts his eyes, keeping them closed for a few seconds, as he slowly pulls back his arm, and slowly steps back. It was an eye contact thing, wasn't it? Eye contact makes dogs angry, right? That was how you dealt with an angry dog? As he pulls back, and takes in a breath for composure, he finally dares to peek at the angry vampire before him again.
Its snarling had died down, but its eyes were still trained intently on Soda. After a tense, and agonizingly, slow pause... It blinks back, lowering its head back down to its meal, but keeping its anxious stare on this potential threat.
A relieved sigh falls from soda as the tension finally melts. He didnt realize he was holding in so much of his breath. "O-okay, man.. It's yours, you uh.. Earned it.." Soda mutters, stepping back further, until he was standing in a sufficiently dry enough space to sit down in. Now that he wasn't standing, he was finally taking into mind just how much his hands were shaking.
It's odd. Soda couldn't really describe this feeling thrumming in his chest as something like fear.. Nausea? For sure. Disturbed and rattled? Oh absolutely. This was certainly a sight he would have a hard time scrubbing from his eyelids when he sleeps tonight. But he wasn't scared. The memory of the night that Emizel was sired still coated the inside of his mind like an unwashable film. Even in that moment, when the unnatural teeth from the unnatural maw of an unnatural thing hovered over his throat, he couldn't say with confidence that he was scared.
Emizel really is his best friend in the world. And he knows with his whole heart that Emizel feels the same. He knew and trusted that his best friend would never hurt him. Not too badly at least. He loves Emizel, and would give anything to support him.
Like a mouse to a snake.
This really is an incredible power that his comrade had come across, and Soda especially felt a sort of pride in his friend. He felt it was worth it to help him feed it.
The bile in his throat had made its point, and Soda agreed, that watching someone die, and get torn apart and drained might be too much for him. Despite how much he hated the Fangs, the end of any human life seemed like such a jarring thing. To have such an intense fear finally get confronted. Would he go to hell?
Maybe he couldn't just feed people to his friend. So an alternative could be donated blood, right? Soda wouldn't mind giving up something like blood. His body makes it for free, after all. Maybe some other Demons would agree to give up some blood too. But they shouldn't have to take on such a burden. Soda wouldn't mind being the only one. The only one. The only one.
His hand comes up to rub at his neck, as his imagination conjures up what it might feel like to have teeth sink into his flesh. He's been stabbed before, is that sort of what it would feel like? Would he have to get stitches? He didn't really want to get stitches, so maybe there could be a more effective way to get the blood out of him. And there was so much vital stuff in his neck too. There's' a vein that's safe to cut into somewhere, right? He would have to look that up later.
A STARTLING RINGING;
Splits the moment,
Prompting both Soda and Emizel to jolt in shock,
As the phone in Emizels pocket rings away.
Acting as if nothing abnormal had taken place, Emizel pulls out his phone, and answers it.
"Heyy, Johnny! Yeah we chased em off, I don't think those bastards will be infesting this street again anytime soon. Yeah, ieah we'll be heading back soon. Oh fuck yeah dude, save us some!"
Emizel covers the speaker of his Nokia, turning back to Soda with a big smile on his violently bloodied face. "They got some pizza waiting for us back home, dude!" he whispers out to him.
Soda does his best to crack a smile, and to suppress the look of unease that probably stained his face, as he stares at the literal murder scene that's been splattered about in front of him.
"Oh, yeah, hell yeah man.." He swallows down the bile again. "What kind of uh.. Soda did they get?"
Emizel ponders that, before turning back to the phone to ask Sodas question.
"Sprite and a big pack of that one strawberry mountain dew" Emizel tosses the answer back over to Soda, who gives a nod, and thumbs up.
Mountain dew is so neat, Soda really liked all the wacky flavors those guys come up with. The thought of going home and opening a can of soda was certainly a comfort. After witnessing all this blood and gore and viscera, Soda absolutely needed to get back home and get a nice cold glass of something bright red .
As Sodas mind wanders off to soda, Emizel wraps up the conversation on the phone, before hanging up, and standing up.
The movement had pulled Sodas mind back into the moment, enough for him to timidly voice a concern he's had since the start of this debacle.
"Uh, hey, so.. The body, should we… Uh.." He gestures vaguely to it, and Emizel grants it a nonchalant glance.
"Eh, I can toss it into a dumpster or something, I dunno. I'm sure its fine. I'll handle it."
The vampire boy goes to pick up the corpse, the wound in its mangled arm no longer even dripping with blood, the flesh pale from the absolute absence of red in its veins.
"Go ahead and meet me by that one mailbox, the one with the bullet hole in it." Emizel casually instructs, tossing the drained body over his shoulder. "I'll catch up."
"Uh, yeah, okay.." Soda musters up a nod, and the strength to rise back up to his feet, wincing as that bruise on his side makes itself loudly known again. He still felt anxious, but even despite it all, he knew he could trust Emizel to take care of things. He always does. "Just stay safe man, I'll see you there." Soda assures with a smile, and Emizel matches it, tossing him a wink. And then suddenly- -He's gone! If Soda had blinked he would've missed it, but he was fortunate enough to just barely catch the glimpse of Emizel darting off at an inhuman speed, probably looking for a place to dump the body. Right, he would take care of it. Emizel always makes sure his crew is taken care of. Well... Guess all that's left for Soda is for him to walk back to that meeting spot. He looks around the alley for a moment, taking in the sight of that enormous pool of blood in the middle of the concrete. Or whatever the floor of this alley is made from. He ponders on the present moment a little longer than he meant to, the shock of it all leaving him aimless for just a few, soothing moments of just, decompression. The night is quiet, vast, and cold, but the stresses of just the past 5 hours had left his body radiating with fiery aches and pains, so the chill of the occasional clawing breeze was welcomed. Except for when said breeze agitated the cold water still soaked into his sock. He should step in another puddle on his way back to even it out. The smell of rain still rested heavy in the air, heralding another storm on the horizon. There was that, and then, well, there was also the blood. The stench of it felt far too intense to just ignore it, the metallic miasma making itself maliciously unmistakable. Maybe the impending storm will wash this mess away... He looked forward to putting this unfortunate night behind him. With one last rattled, but deep breath, he stuffs his hands in his pockets, and turns away, strolling back over to the mailbox that Emizel had described.
He couldn't wait to get home and drink some soda with his friends.
#NO TAGS ON THIS ONE BC WELL. IM SHY. IM TAKING A BIG LEAP JUST BY ALLOWING U TO REBLOG THIS. IF IT BREAKS CONTAINMENT THATS UR FAULT.#i unfortunately suffer from the disease of 'i hate everything i write the day after i write it' BUT IM GETTING TREATED#I WILL NOT BE HAUNTED BY THIS WEAKNESS FOREVER. AND HEY LOOK THIS IS THE FIRST ACTUAL FIC BIT IVE EVER FINISHED..#ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF!! AND BY JOBE I WILL BE PROUD EVEN IF I HATE IT.#i dont always need to be the one who likes my art bc i know Someone out there will always enjoy it.#and to that someone i say: omg thankyou i LOOOOVEE YOUUUUUU!!!!!#JUST DELETED A WHOLE RAMBLE I JUST HAD ABT NERVOUS DISCLAIMERS FOR MY ART BUT I DONT NEED EM!!#GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT GET CONFIDENT. ANYWAY. so emizel and soda huh#THEYRE SO CUTE TOGEEHTERRRR TEEHEHEHEHEEEE they are the homies that kiss eachother goodnight like CMON#but uhh so hey your bestest friend in da world just got turned into a freaky creature thing that eats ppl#ieah yknowthe guy that u care about alot that u had to watch get bled out by another freaky creature thing in an alleyway#yeaaah and you were super hurt and weak and stupid and u couldnt do jack nor shit to help him#what was i talking about again. RIGHT so hes even cooler now bc he cant die n hes super strong n his arms can be knives. sometimes.#but also he can eat people now. and sometimes he cant stop himself from eating people. and thats kinda scary. but in a cool way.#but also in a disturbing way. but also in an interesting way?but also in a freaky way.the feelings ARE MIXED!!!ATLEAST I THINK THEY WOULD B#okay again i havnt listened to the suckening ina bit. so its been a minute since i absorbed their personalities. i could be misreading or#misremembering or misconstruing or mischaracterizing or WHATEVER. i think the confusion carries its intended effect#LOSING MY TRAIN O THOUGHT. anyway i love soda n emizel i hope they get locked in a saw trap together or somethign. for enrichment.#TALOS GRANT ME THE STRENGHT TO POST MY CREATIONS ON LINE!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!!!!!
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Currently watching Hey Melissa from the nerdy Prudes must Livestream and I'm ngl. What the fuck. Like I tend to come away from darker media wishing they'd made it just a little more fucked up cause I really enjoy super weird out there horror stuff and yeah fucking hell this goes there. I love it don't get me wrong but holy fucking shit its so fucked who came up with this. Anyway haha they made jon meow
#I LOVE FINDING SHIT THAT IS ACTUALLY AS WEIRD AND FUCKED UP AS I ALWAYS WANT IT TOBE#CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT>>>>>>>#the ideal reaction to a bit of media is 'what the actual fuck did i just watch'#it only works if its weird disturbing tho like just upsetting disturbing i dont like much it just makes me sad yk#but i loveit when its just the weirdest shit youve ever hesrd of like who came up with this strange nightmare fever dream#i wanna feel like ive just watched a scary movie while severely ill with the flu :)#anyway thats my rant over i really fucking like nightmare time thank youuu#wet floor sign#nightmare time#hatchetverse#tgwdlm#hatchetfield#paul matthews#hey melissa
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dance macabre
let us have this dance of macabre!
strums of lullaby accompany our steps
spectators of all kinds eagerly waiting in silence
people of all race, of all ages
humans and fae alike, mingling into one
isn't this what you always long for, my dearest?
rub away your tears, if you would
look above, my dear!
look how the ceilings crumbled,
forging a path upon the starry skies
under the sea of stars shall we waltz with grace
one step forward, two steps back
a tango everyone desires
now then, don your brightest smiles!
as we are the prima donna of this palace
knightly boots replacing glass slippers
briars and thorns, prettier than roses
mere infatuations and lust desist,
only loyalty alone shall exist
hush now, dear
do not loathe me amidst parada
cease your sadness at once
bury your soul deep within one’s eyes
never let those speckles of aurora
be tarnished by the mere sight of carcass
for I have bestowed you the honor
of taking my hand for this dance
moving in front ochos,
I whisper to you eternal happiness
a promise that’ll never go unkept
holier than the eternal slumber
oh, if only the crowd would cheer!
rather than rotting beneath our feet
but fret not, my dear
as we have a long night ahead of us!
#tw // disturbing themes#malleus x silver#mallesil#malleus draconia#silver vanrouge#ths is basically the bad ending of book 7#where despite everyone's efforts they r unable to stop his overblot#leading him to exhaust his magic till none is left#what happens when the caster's magic is depleted#what'll happen to those falling victims of his um#no one knows#but here i hc them slowly rotting & decaying#stuck in samsara of dreams; their consciousness slowly slipping away as death seeps in#as his magical reserve are getting thinner his time-stopping barrier would fade as well#and mother nature will took over the bodies; decomposing it w/ no mercy#w/ the last bit of his magic; malleus used it to wake silver for one final dance#and voila! here we are#no; there'll be no magic saving us this time#malleus is lying yall theres no 'long night' they'll die approximately after twilight lololol#sorry not sorry#his magic just wouldn't last for both of them any longer#as for how much time had been spent before that? i leave it to ur thoughts :>#'why the cinderella reference diasomnia is based on sleeping beauty' hv u considered tht perhaps the author loves cendrillon#no the author certainly did not research on tango steps & watching how to tango tutorials wdym#miè writes ✍️#miè's poems#one more thing!!#unlike the prev ones- this one was actually made today!!#so enjoy while it's still fresh!! fresh outta the oven!! >:D#....ths is the last one for today i promise
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ONE LAST SWING FOR THE ROAD!!
original screeeeenshot :]
#R*CK*RTYS DNI#rick and morty#rick sanchez#summer smith#morty smith#LOL this is a fun screencap. had a lot of fun drawing this for once#redrew this bc the lighting on ricks chest reminded me of top scars. and i wanted to push trans rick agenda [running away embarrassed]#also i love blood and gore. very fun#the other scars are not from anything specific btw. i just like to think he keeps some of them bc hes lazy or sentimental. depends#fun fact! not a single bit of actual lineart in this. its all cleaned sketch. way nicer for me#summer not caring abt the murder and being more disturbed by the nudity is so funny always#BTWWW SUMMER IS SUPER FUN TO DRAW shes so cutesit#hope youall like the colours i eyeballed the whole fucking thing for no reason#notcing mistakes now. but no way im fixing thrm. bye#cw blood#artsbotz
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how to politely and subtly as possible communicate to a new person in my department that while, ok, technically there's no assigned desks or anything, they keep working at My Spot where i have worked at for Four Years and which is therefore Mine, and could they please not do that because it's throwing off my whole workflow while im in the middle of studying for quals
#currently my strategy is that im gonna decorate the area a bit to stake my claim via personalization#i dont want to actually be an asshole about this#but i want to communicate that I Live There#i cant move to another spot easily because those belong to Other People#and im not gonna fuck up their vibe#luckily there's another place in the dept i dont mind working at but its specifically where i go not to be disturbed#i do not want to work there all the time!#txt#ari adventures#this is genuinely stressing me out though. ugh.
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i wish there was a space for actual adults within this fandom. i guess i will have to create it, even if it's just me and other five people and a shoelace. i wonder how this whole thing is gonna develop!
#personal#the entire internet but also this fandom specifically is infested with ppl whose reading comprehension is lower than a 6th grader's#can't a gal enjoy a middle-aged actress without being pestered by toddlers with pitchforks#and i know i'm the pettiest bitch but i am ANNOYED esp when i see how old these ppl are. if you're over 25 you have no excuse daskjfhg#like i have cut my audience in half at least! if not more with this fic#but i'm happy bc i'm producing content i wanna produce#i wonder how my new fics are gonna be received#after i finish “particular” i have another thing coming up that ppl probs won't like lol#but i think it's important i post it#and then we have murder mysteries and gothic horror and wooooo you know#it's gonna be fun! and a bit disturbing!#wonder if imma be dragged on twitter again lol#but i sincerely hope no one will care lol#honestly i never expected ppl to care THAT much but i guess they did#it also annoys me that a concerningly small amount seems to care abt the actual quality of writing#and i'm over here agonising about Stylistic Choices(TM) lol#i feel like it flies over ppl's heads and they just wanna read abt larissa weems fucking them with a shapeshifted dick#which okay i guess but also what abt Literature#you could do smth creative with a shapeshifting character just saying. and include your magic cocks or whatever tf you're into#ah i am fuming in vain i will just write my lil fics and hope i don't get a new influx of kys messages lol
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The seagulls on the roof opposite me are courting, this is not a drill
#Sounds terribly boring and it's the right time of year so no surprise but I've never actually seen them do this before#From my window I usually only see them knocking ten bells out of each other in their bloodthirsty pursuit of bread crusts#Or sometimes I hear them at night in summer raising their chicks and that's actually quite a disturbing noise at 3AM#But this is different and actually almost elegant#Their courtship ritual seems a little bit more romantic than that of the pigeons and I can't believe it but I'm kind of rooting for them#Of all the birds I would not have expected this kind of interesting behaviour from it's herring gulls#it's like watching orcs bringing each other flowers
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I think the reason the Phantom (2004) is not as good of an adaptation of the stage show as it could’ve been, is because it didn’t have the OG Pro staff involved in its development.
I could be wrong here (and if I am let me know) but it seems that the movie was entirely the brain child of ALW and Joel Schamaucher. No Hal, no Maria, and no Gillian, who we know really helped ALW reshape the stage show to be more palatable, sophisticated and romantic from his original drafts (the OG Main title music video from the 80s speaks ALOT)
But since the movie was only produced by him, it seems he didn’t really have people to bounce off ideas with, and it shows. I wonder what the movie (casting included) could’ve looked like if he allowed more creatives to come in and work with him.
#phantom of the opera#Erik/Christine#Christine daae#raoul de chagny#gerik#the movie has some glimmers of hope and good ideas#but I watched the whole thing honestly confused and in many ways disturbed#which is completely different than watching the stage show or RAH where yeah I’m supposed to be uncomfortable a bit but I’m still dtf#but Gerik just gave me the ick the whole time#raoul in this is no better actually#I remember liking him in the movie but this recent watch he’s pretty garbage in the first act
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