#a bajillion blood tests

[mandiemegatron]

Mm, yes... lung infection. My favourite.

I lived, bitch !

I think it should be illegal to be this sick and not have my handsome, tattooed doctor/Captain/boyfriend slide up beside my bed with a smirk and a slightly snarky, "Mm, sounds like a bad case of 'i told you so'."

[raysrambles]

On today's episode of "is it the mental illness or is it just being a teenager":

-crying because I didn't know whether or not I wanted to make French toast

-playlist of songs that are from a bajillion different genres that I cry to because exactly one or two of the lyrics made me sob at some point (none of them are sad songs)

-cant do schoolwork. Can't do schoolwork. Detailed plan to speedrun writing an entire essay draft in the first two periods tomorrow (draft is due third period)

-mild stomachache today... must be kidney failure (no history of kidney problems + blood test just last week said kidneys were fine)

-do I have a crush on that person, do I want to be them, or do I just want to pry their brain open and investigate it (bonus points if all of the above)

[snowddeong]

Random neighbour au thoughts

Dallie and Byulie are Ryujin's familiars and usually animal familiars carry on the traits of their non-supernatural counterparts so ideally they should be wary of werewolves cause Ryujin says she doesn't like them but Dallie is actually the reason that Ryujin found out that Yeji was kinda struggling with her transformations cause he'd keep scratching at the door incessantly every full moon. Byulie is kinda more neutral on Yeji but he's not at all afraid of her. Jisu theorises that the reason for this is Ryujin is so gay that since familiars are attached to a vampires soul they immediately love Yeji too. Ryujin smacks her everytime she says that

Yeji kinda struggles with the full moon because she's away from her pack but she's willing to deal with it because her life there started to feel suffocating and she wanted to make a life for her own (being around Ryujin helps turning go smoother because Ryujin subconsiously eventually becomes part of her pack 😔)

The suffocation probably felt worse cause as much as she loves Chan and acknowledges his leadership in the pack, she's also got that natural desire to be a pack leader herself

A couple hundred years ago Ryujin got some unspecific plague but kept trucking on cause she refused to die. At the time Jisu was working with some alchemists to understand vampirism more so she offered Ryujin the chance to be a test subject in exchange for help from through equivalent exchange. Ryujin accepts but things go wrong and she does eventually die with Jisu's blood in her system which turns her.

Ryu and Jisu have a kinda complicated relationship cause on the one hand Jisu granted her wish but on the other Ryujin doesn't see the upsides of vampirism the way Jisu does and that strains their friendship somewhat. Ryujin hates the idea of hurting people and really starts to view herself as a monster for having to feed which leads her to withdraw into herself more and creates a toxic cycle for her till she meets Yeji

Chaer is an alchemist from the Lee family. She's carrying on their work of trying to figure out immortality but tbh she'd rather live a normal life with her normal human gf Somi who knows literally nothing about anything or her other bajillion year old vampire gf who long gave up on immortality through equivalent exchange after accidentally turning Ryujin

Yeji and Yuna have practically been family since Yuna was a baby. They joined Chan's pack together and Yuna was ready to leave when Yeji did so she was pretty upset that Yeji told her to stay. It's for her own good cause Yeji really doesn't want Yuna to potentially go through a lot of pain during a full moon since 2 peeps don't count as a pack (which is why Ryujin helps A LOT but the trouble only really stops for Yeji when all of itzy becomes a pseudo-pack). Yuna does insist on visiting often though

Hyunjin is pretty pissed that Yeji doesn’t share the same loyalty to Chan that he does. For him it's kind of a rejection of the family and while 2hwang don't HATE each other, there's still some bad vibes. Which get worse when Felix gets cold feet about their relationship and gets Yuna to show him where Yeji lives so he can crash their for a while

[ronin-deactivated19851026]

reason i'm psychiatry critical #bajillion: a lot of my cognitive decline seems to be directly connected to chronic low blood pressure and elevated pulse. this is something that has been overall making me feel "mysteriously" sick all the time (though technically it's still a mystery what exactly causes it all, but i'm going to get various tests done, as some possible causes have been narrowed down) and have been getting worse to the point of having zero ability to function

that, and obvious cptsd, chronic stress causes all sorts of pinched nerves and vessels, which in result leads to brain fog and cognitive decline. like, my lifestyle has been shit until recently, my diet has been shit until recently as well, my trauma has been deep, is it really wonder that i became a lifeless husk, a shadow of my former self at some point?

so. the point is.

why wasn't i asked any of this before getting prescribed strong psychoactive drugs that just further broke me?

why was my anger, my suicidal and homicidal ideation, considered a "nuisance", a sign of a disease; and not a normal reaction a deeply traumatized individual would have towards the world that keeps repeating that i don't belong here, that i'm not welcome, and my whole essence is "perverted"?

why wasn't i asked if i exercise enough? why i wasn't asked about what i eat? and why did every pro-psychiatry "safe space" refused to talk about either of these too. we all like to talk about how internet spaces fuck us up, but i think people are still afraid of addressing active enabling of mental illness online.

why wasn't i asked about my close relationships. why wasn't i asked about relationships with my parents. why i wasn't asked anything, and was just fed a quick dangerous band-aid solution to essentially just shut me up.

after talking to a cardiologist today about some of my mental and behavioral issues, she also asked if i have been diagnosed with autism or adhd. this is yet again another thing that makes me mad; if i'm neurodivergent, then all this psychiatric intervention could have been another layer of medical malpractice. that would have explained why nobody else got side effects that i suffered from. i feel like i'm supposed to be mad, i feel like i'm supposed to grieve about what i went through, what i believed, and what i was told, but i can't? it took me few years to get over antidepressant withdrawals, even though i took them for a relatively short amount of time. however, some things are still here, including almost complete inability to cry from mental and physical pain. i can't cry, and i feel like i can't properly mourn of grieve because of that.

[krankycomics]

As a new paramedic, it's always surprising to find out that the majority of your calls are not high-acuity life-or-death situations or dramatic traumas. They're mostly "BLS" calls, which stands for "basic life support". Having successfully completed what feels like a bajillion BLS calls, I find the higher-acuity calls quite exciting - I get to use more critical thinking, more tools, "test my mettle" so to speak. This is a higher-acuity call that was very unique in my career, and after picking the brains of my colleagues, perhaps unique even to my region.

We were dispatched to a possible stroke. We arrived, followed the family up a flight of stairs (stair chair to be fetched immediately after the initial assessment, I mentally noted). Patient was laying in bed with two family members present. I started to do a stroke screen but the pt interrupted it with a fit of retching; I stole a family member instead and picked up some information. Last Seen Normal (LSN) was difficult to pinpoint, but our window was just wide enough to make it to the distant CT scanner about 2 hours away. After the retching subsided I went back to finish the stroke screen. Weak grip strength on one side, pronator drift on the same side, unable to assess the legs because the patient had terrible cramps and kept moving/shaking his leg. Speech was normal, pupil sluggish. I had more than enough; I informed the family of where we were going, and we boogied.

Part of our stroke protocol is to attach a 12-lead to the patient en route. In case there is some underlying pathology throwing clots, we want to be able to monitor for signs of that. I attached the 12-lead, but my initial captures were garbage - the patient could not follow instructions to keep still and even when he did, his leg was going through a series of cramps/contractions. The only relevance to the leg cramps to this call was that it made him uncomfortable enough to stop him from being still; the print-offs all had wandering baselines and were diagnostically useless. But initially, the 12-lead held no interest for me anyways; my patient was deteriorating. For the next 40 minutes, every re-check of his neuros found increasing deficits, from his increasing lethargy to his inability to answer more than simple questions to a slight slur that became more pronounced. I kept asking him if he had pain anywhere, especially his head, but he kept indicating he did not. He had another fit or retching, but like before it was only sputum, no vomit.

At the 40-minute mark, he stopped deteriorating. I was initially baffled by this - I was extremely convinced I had picked up one of the uncommon hemorrhagic strokes - but in retrospect I had picked him up at the very beginning of an ischemic stroke. I had always picked up people after their symptoms have stabilized - we are quite rural - and I had never had a patient with an ischemic stroke continue to deteriorate. I called the hospital to update them about this slightly more optimistic presentation.

My patient's neuros remained stable for the rest of the trip. His leg cramps never really gave up. I printed off a second 12-lead with a baseline that was even worse than the first. I wondered about some of the depression. Was that all just random, from movement and artifact and a bouncing ambulance ride? Possibly. But possibly there was something there. Regardless, nothing that popped up was going to change our destination or our urgency level. Part of the initial assessment the nursing staff would perform immediately would be a new 12-lead anyways.

We arrived at the hospital, and were swarmed by nurses well-versed in their role at stroke center. Registration, blood draws, physician assessment, 12-lead. I coached the patient - it was very important to stay still, try not to move, try not to move your leg.

The hospital 12-lead printed off with a very clean isoelectric line. Very clearly, you could see the deep ST depression in the anterior leads. And glancing over, the tall tombstones in the inferior leads. Well. The nurses and doctor were all a little dumbstruck by this finding. Off to CT we went. There was no bleed; thank goodness. Back to the emergency department, and carefully we moved the poor patient into the bed. This poor patient, who was having both a stroke - and a heart attack - at the same time.

(Image from https://lightssirensactionems.com/blogs/news/pails-ems-cardiology)

Final Thoughts

I have been mulling this call in my head for some time. It honestly really bothered me that I was unable to flag the STEMI en route. But in retrospect - after pulling out copies of the EKGs several times and looking at them - what was the alternative? Even if I truly suspected some pathology of the heart, would I have wasted time to pull over, coach the patient into not moving (however long that took), taken my capture, then resumed transport? Of course not. That's not in the patient's best interest. What was in the patient's best interest was immediate and uninterrupted transport - and that's what we did.

A very curious combination, though.

[violetlilly23]

I had a fear (phobia possibly?) of needles. then when covid happened I almost died and had to get like a bajillion IVs and stuff cause my stomach wasn't working and I needed my nutrients pumped directly into my blood, and then had to go back for blood tests every two weeks for like a year. not sure how much it increased my quality of life but I think it's a lot because the alternative was not being alive.

anyway yeah face your fears and I think you can legally call yourself a badass and no one can say otherwise

Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.

[bmpmp3]

I WAS drawing my pirate angel again and i think his story could be that a group of pirates took him in as some kind of good luck charm only to find out he’s 10x more bloodthirsty than the whole crew

[catwithaknife]

got my blood test results from last week, and i'm really low in iron and b12 despite taking a bajillion supplements every day and eating so many beans. i was fine for both before taking mirtazapine.

[evilminji]

"Can you keep a secret? That I'm still scared too die?"

"What happens if I become Him?"

"I think I might be a God now, yet I still have homework"

"My skin feels too small"

"Is it weird to stand in two places and cry for the child you're looking at? He's me."

"I know where I died. I make myself not think about it."

"Betrayal still hurts, even when they don't know it's you."

"Eventually Humanity will die out. I read its 250 million years this time. Will I still be here? Will I be forced to watch the end?"

"I could write memes on the moon. Do NOT make a pepe on the moon. We are better then this."

"Eggs. Milk. Soy sauce. Tof-"

"What do planets dream of? When they're about to die."

"Putting your guts back in is SO GROSS. Never becoming a surgeon."

"Testing, Saskatchewan, Onomatopoeia. Oh heck yeah! This DOES work! Didn't know it could DO that. Guess using my blood, means I own it now? Nice!"

"Log entry, star gate 50 bajillion! I am a neeeerd! Hahahahaha! Today we stalk the unsuspecting hamburger, in it natural environment. It looks juicy and delicious! Fuck, I am so concussed. Cant wait for this to heal."

Added my own! Bet there is like? A website compiling them. Some civilians trying to make a timeline? Is it a God? A message From Beyond? A call for Help? Who knows! But it IS a mystery!

And they sound... young.

People are worried.

And humans? WILL dedicate basicly 100% of their time to random things if they feel motivated too. So you KNOW? There are amateur Message Detectives giving their all, doing the footwork, trying to crack this case. Low grade Magicals, trying to help this poor spirit.

It's like the people trying to find and protect Bigfoot. As a species. Or individual.

This person needs to be found! And a community is growing around that search. Meet ups. Clue sharing. Research notes being peer reviewed. Theories being proposed. Probably t-shirts and bumper stickers.

There IS a time dilation after all.

And Danny is writing merrily away on walls, his notbooks, his perfectly blank journal. Etc. Endlessly. It's actually helping a lot! But on the DC side? What is basicly every few hours (or longer) a day, is every few seconds for him on the DP side. And the periods he stops? To fight or sleep etc? Days of concerning radio silence on the DC side.

It would be a niche hobby. But a steady one.

The Writing on Walls

The world's gone buzzing after words, written in English and have the green slimy texture of undefinable origins, appear all over surfaces of walls available. The handwriting is the same so it is correctly assumed to be the same person scribbling. They are huge and easy to spot.

Recording devices have been set to see if they can catch the culprit initially but it soon proves futile when the words just basically come into existence.

Still, the content can be weird but entertaining at the best of times but downright disturbing at worst. For example:

The dead has overtaken my town and I'm a part of it

The fruit loop is doing it again

Does it matter if it's meat or veggies? The vultures are ghosts

Orange is life, orange is unrhymable

If there's a will, there is the fruit loop that doesn't understand the basic of boundaries and respects

Boxes. Nothing but the goddamn boxes.

Why is he so obsessed with my pelt? Can't he just call it skin like normal beings?

Cujo has ruined V's life. What am I going to do? I can't fix this

Don't say wish. Erase soon please

Frankly, I don't give a damn

She's taking our life forces

There's a dead kid in our locker

The odds are never in our favors

They are hunting me

The Justice League's currently overwhelmed with demands from the public to investigate this.

Or: Danny uses his ectoplasm or he finds a magical pen (depend on you I'm beat) to express his frustration and occasionally intrusive thoughts on abandoned walls or anything he can write on. Unfortunately, he isn't aware that his 'diary', which conveniently disappear the second he finishes, is travelling to another dimension(s).

He is careful though to not reveal any information, even his enemies. He slips in references from pop cultures that coincidentally don't exist in other worlds.

[wincore]

hiii moonnn !! for the kiss prompt , may I request johnny pls 🥺 place: under the stars & love as the reason ! tysm this is an honour bc u’re one of my fave nct writers 😙💖

thank u darling for enjoying my writing!!

theme: boyfriend!au, demigod!au (greek mythology)

“So…are you gonna tell me why you brought me up here or…?”

“Do I need a reason?” Johnny grins at you, chin resting on his forearms atop the roof of his car.

“I can’t help but think you’re up to something,“ you state, narrowing your eyes at him from the other side. 

Johnny lets out a short chuckle before closing the door of the car and motioning for you to follow. When your boyfriend said he’s taking you on an adventure, you quite literally had no clue what to expect. Everything’s an adventure to the man—even if it’s just going out at 3 a.m. to get hot ramen from the convenience store right beside your apartment. You didn’t think it’d be an hour drive, dozing off on Johnny’s shoulder by the time you reached.

You take two steps after him before you gasp.

“Don’t tell me we’re meeting your dad!” 

The blood drains from your face at the idea. A God among Gods—you wish that were an understatement—is unlikely to meet mere human beings on a whim, lesser beings as one of the other demigod children had labeled bitterly. He’s a God, feared and admired since times of war and prayers. So what gives you, a mortal, enough confidence to face someone as divine, as powerful? It makes you uneasy.

You shake out of your trance to find Johnny laughing, doubled over.

“We’re not really meeting him but- you’re that scared of my dad?” he says, calming down from his fit. “Even I’m not that terrified of him, babe.”

“Shut up,” you say, cheeks coloring. “It’s not exactly everyday I meet someone who can smite me out of existence.”

“Relax! He’s pretty easy-going,” your boyfriend reassures you, taking hold of your hand. “Besides, he likes hanging out at the beach. And he’s got, like, a bajillion other kids to worry about.”

You rub your thumb over his knuckles, a sigh leaving your lips.

“He can’t be that bad,” you mumble, feeling somewhat sorry.

“Oh,” Johnny says with a dismissive tone, “Pretty sure he’s won worst dad of the year several times, actually. Only beaten by Zeus himself.”

You want to laugh but you stiffen. 

“Are you allowed to say his name like that?!” You lower your voice, eyes shifting around nervously.

“If Zeus could hear everyone saying his name, he’d be, uh, hearing some delicate words pretty often.” Johnny shrugs. “And then we’d have more thunderstorms.“ 

You laugh, easing, Johnny’s eyes lighting up at the sound. They always make you feel warm in the chest, with how pretty those almond eyes are. He tugs at your hand, and you follow him up a beaten road before diverging into a less visible track.

It’s a long walk uphill, however, and Johnny has it easy when his legs are so fucking long. The wind gets chilly and you cling onto Johnny’s hand for a little piece of warmth. A break would be nice. You stop halfway through, swearing at your boyfriend for choosing such a godforsaken place but continue nonetheless when he frowns, a look in his eyes you don’t want to upset. 

Johnny doesn’t let go of your hand the entire time. He’s been this way since you started dating, perhaps even before—a little protective with the need to feel your touch at all times. It’s understandable and you found it endearing despite how often he refuses to let go. (And his strength and stature make it next to impossible to break free.)

It wasn’t hard to tell there was something off about your boyfriend; maybe not the first or second time you met him, but eventually, it was clear. You met in university after all, and it’s not the full uni experience unless all your secrets are laid bare by the end of first year. 

Johnny was a natural people person, everyone drawn to him like he was made of honey, of things so sweet. But there was something about him, oh it nagged you day and night, a silvery whisper. The way he spoke, the way he smiled—there was a quiet difference you just couldn’t put your finger on. He’s aced every athletics club entrance test for fun, a little awkward at reading his text material and always hanging around the swimming pool for too long—gosh, were the number of people ogling him extraordinarily high then. There were so many hints and you’d missed all of them. 

You’ve met demigods before, just not one like this. Johnny was almost unworldly were it not for his habit of making everyone feel at ease. It took you a while to figure out.

Son of Poseidon, gentle eyes and sun-crinkles—how could you miss it? The way he smells of golden amber and sea musk, calloused hands and deep eyes, just all of him, really. It was hard to not find him attractive. But it was harder to answer if that was all. 

The place gets closer—you know because you can see a soft smile forming on Johnny’s face. You quicken your pace to match his footsteps, curiosity peaking as you notice your boyfriend get giddier.

The water glows a gentle blue, in contrast with the darker shade of its surroundings. They reflect the stars, their shine not dulled through the distance and a certain twinkling you haven’t seen in them in quite a while. Water lilies bloom bright, small frogs jumping in and out of the water. There might be some fish too but they’re elusive, invisible if you try too hard to spot them. 

It’s a clear sky tonight. You sigh at the warmth, quite possibly a result of the habitation around here but you’re glad it soothes the cool air. (”You like this kind of thing, don’t you?” “Hm, yeah.”)

“You will not believe how I had to impress the Naiads to find this place,“ Johnny tells you, walking closer to the spring to stand beside you.

You furrow your eyebrows at him, the implication of his words not quite what you expected. “Impress, huh?”

“No- babe, that’s not- I mean, of course not,“ Johnny looks at you with mock hurt.

“Naiads do love a son of Poseidon,“ you mumble, turning away to face the waters. 

Johnny wraps his arms around you, resting his chin atop your head. “Oh, but this son of Poseidon only loves you.”

“Johnny, that’s cheesy,” you say looking down, the heat quite rushed to your cheeks. You want to call him an idiot but the word falls short.

“But you’re enjoying it,” he hums.

“I enjoy everything about you.”

You feel Johnny shake with soft laughter, swaying gently at his own pace. You don’t know when you started to see Johnny in most everything—in the new dog cafes, in midnight city rains, in children playing volleyball. Call it love, call it more.

You turn around. “I—”

Johnny presses his mouth against yours in a kiss that makes you melt and you clutch the fabric of his hoodie for support. His arms wind around your waist, secure as always and he hums when you push against him. 

“Baby’s getting bolder, hm?” he murmurs between kisses with a laugh. You respond with a weak sound.

You remember the first time you kissed him, not quite sober and he had pushed you away only to spend the night with you. The whiskey still burns on your tongue sometimes. 

You don’t need to see fireworks when you kiss, just taste the late night coffee and a bit of Johnny. 

A son of a God and his lips, tongue, fingers, love—the texts and scribes were nothing close to describing it perfectly. You forget the words you meant to tell him.

But you don’t have to say ‘I love you’; it’s there in your mouth and he can taste it.

//

“No, I don’t wanna listen to the minotaur story again!” Johnny shakes you by the shoulders. “It’s literally the worst thing I’ve ever heard.”

“But why? I think it’s funny—”

“Yeah, Dad’s very creative but…gross.”

You laugh at his disgust, nose wrinkled and a mild shaking of his head. 

“Tell me another story,” he says, leaning in, “Something more…romantic.”

You breathe out quickly at the sudden proximity, heart in your throat. His smile grows and you resist the urge to huff at him. He’s unbearable when he knows he’s under your skin. Gods, it was harder to admit you fell in love with him than it was to find out his heritage.

You reach out and move the hair out of his face, marveling at how he manages to keep it soft when he used to be a sweaty college student pretty often. Memories are funny in a way, they keep you so closely tied. There’s an embarrassing amount of pictures of him on your phone, the ones he sent from the dorms, from his new job, sometimes family photos during holidays. It gets busy a lot, but sometimes, just sometimes, it’s like this. 

You wonder if Gods get to have happy endings. You wonder if there’s more to the constellations they made.

“Hello?” Johnny pretends to knock on your forehead.

“Something more romantic, hm? Okay,” you say and he goes back to laying his head on your lap, twirling the water in wisps around his fingers to spell random words. You bend to press a kiss to his forehead, a surprised smile wavering onto his face as the water splashes beside you.

“Baby, you might want to have aimed lower.” Johnny winks at you.

“You’re so annoying. I’m in love with you.”

[roaringup]

—this post got weirdly long so I’m cutting part of it—

That appointment I had to attend to get cleared for work was just a blood draw in a cubicle for testing TB status and MMR antibodies. I didn’t know what to expect, but I guess that was unintimidating. I’d half imagined someone in a white coat asking me weird ableist stuff about whether I can lift 20 pounds or whatever.

I’d also wondered if there might be a drug test. Maybe there would have been if I’d had a different answer to “Will you be working with patients? Blood or other samples? Animals?” (The nurse who drew my blood, having seen and confirmed my job title—which I won’t share exactly, but it’s definitely obvious I just look at words on a screen all day—delivered these questions very fast. You know, in that way people use when they mean to convey “I know and you know that the answer to this question is extremely obvious, but I have to ask and you have to answer because of protocol.”)

The nurse had a fuzzy cream sweater with fruit on it, cherries and I think an orange slice, which I complimented. I was pretty thrilled to then have a normal conversation about sweater advertising on Instagram/it being extremely cold out today. I don’t usually love chatting with strangers—apparently being this isolated does weird stuff to your feelings.

Having typed out these medical things (antibodies, samples) is making me realize how, working for the hospital, I’ll need to get used to doing that and thinking in that language. It’ll come, I’m sure.

I made bagels that tasted pretty good but the dough texture was just not right. It wasn’t a flour problem this time: I used bread flour, not the old weird AP flour that had been producing odd results, which I’ve run out of anyway. It is super dry in here -- and cold, making yeast sluggish. I think maybe I also don’t have a good system/feel for the mechanics of physically kneading dough. I should probably watch some YouTube tutorials or something.

It didn’t help that for whatever reason (dehydration? overheating?), the exertion of the kneading gave me one of those vertigo-headaches for a bit. Sometimes when I move my head around too much, it starts to feel like my brain’s bumping against bruises on the interior of my skull.

Circling back round, one more thought. I was attuned to the sweater of the nurse today because I vaguely decided I might eventually buy like two new shirts and/or sweaters now that I have a job lined up. I have been looking at clothing stores online, and tracking algorithms know this—which means I keep getting more and more clothing ads. Fine, whatever: some are potentially even useful. There are of course a bajillion websites devoted to perfecting the best ways to market direct-to-consumer clothing to millennial men. They all feel very much the same, are very boring, and have—in particular—a samey masculinity to them, a “progressive” kind of masculinity but still just a profoundly dull and stifling one. I resent the idea of getting a sweater from one of them but some of the sweaters are individually nice and tbh I will probably cave.

What a ramble that turned out to be. I guess I’ll go read in bed now

[itsclydebitches]

Thank you for your quick response! It actually helps clear up their thoughts as well, since they did feel that we shouldn't be paying for something that we have to finish/correct ourselves. I actually understand their views better so thank you! Along that line of thought...if the majority of people like the writing but those issues of bad writing still exist (like w/rwby lacking continuity, etc), do you think it would still be "bad writing"? Do you mind if I share your responses w/them?

Of course! You’re probably the only person I’ve ever managed to respond to quickly 😅 By all means feel free to share. I wouldn’t be posting such opinions publicly if I wasn’t already under the assumption that they may spread both here and off tumblr. 

That’s definitely a tricky question. If the majority of people think something is good I don’t necessarily believe that invalidates the minority opinions of bad writing. Simply because some elements - like whether you’ve managed to follow your own lore - are undeniable and we circle right back to whether or not that’s a requirement for a “good” story at all. Some people say yes. Some people say no. Who do we believe? No one has the power to override the other and decide that. 

I used majority opinion in the last ask as a way of laying out how majority = expectations = one way of determining “good”/“bad” writing. However, we can ask why the majority might think this story is good. Is the audience primarily young? Are they at all educated in this medium? Familiar with the genre and thus have numerous other examples to compare it to? Do they know about the social/representation issues that may be impacting the story? Etc. etc. There are a lot of questions here which, notably, don’t mean that the majority is wrong to like the story, only that they’re in a really key position to grow and change their opinion if given the chance. As they get older they might change their mind and consider the story “bad,” when they’ve learned more, spoken to more types of people, engaged with more stories, and the like. Whereas someone who is already in the position of having experienced a great deal is perhaps less likely to change their mind in the other direction and consider the story “good” after once thinking it was “bad.” That’s by no means impossible (especially if you change your qualifications for a “good” story over the years: I used to prioritize consistency but now I only care if the action gets my blood pumping) but - in my experience anyway - I see WAY more people reconsidering stories critically as they grow. Far more situations like, “At 17 I didn’t even notice the plot holes here” and “Before 30 I knew nothing about racial coding and thus didn’t catch why this is a problem” and “That was the first horror movie I got into so I had nothing to compare it to back then.” Rather than “I hated this thing but now I adore it for ____ reason.” Which means that we should consider the majority over time as well. Does the story, to borrow the phrase, stand the test of time? This is why we debate whether racist stories should still be taught in school. Our definition of “good” has changed as we grow as a society. The same happens with individuals. 

To provide an example, this is a huge talking point regarding Fifty Shades of Gray. I apologize because I’m really not sure how to phrase this in a way that doesn’t sound SUPER condescending (and I apologize if you’re a fan of the series! lol) but many believe that those who think the books are “good” simply don’t know enough about certain topics. They haven’t read enough erotic fiction to see how poorly written this sex is (the stereotyped soccer moms reading Fifty Shades as their one (1) naughty treat). They don’t know enough about BDSM to recognize the harmful depictions. Not enough about gender dynamics to recognize that the relationship is abusive rather than romantic. Not enough about the romance genre to recognize that there’s nothing innovative here. Not enough about fandom history to understand why Fifty Shades’ mere existence is offensive to so many. Now, going by the majority, Fifty Shades is a “good” book because it has sold a bajillion (technical term) copies and been turned into a movie series... but a lot of people think that this is a case where the majority is wrong. If the majority knew more about these topics they might get how having those experiences drastically changes your experience of “good” and “bad” literature. Which is precisely why people teach and write about this stuff in the first place. As people existing in the world, we’re constantly learning new things and those things impact how we approach storytelling. Getting the majority to understand certain things - this depiction is offensive to certain groups, this is what a really sexy scene reads like, here’s an example of what a story in this genre could be like - changes their expectations and, by extension, changes the collective’s idea of what is “good” or “bad.” 

All of which isn’t to say that you can’t or shouldn’t adore “bad” things. Or even that (again) people aren’t right to consider them “good” by their own qualifications (personally, I’ve spoken passionately about my love for Jupiter Ascending since my qualifications for “good” in this context differ drastically from many others’). Even beyond that, there’s a reason why the phrase “so bad it’s good” exists because we acknowledge that approaching a text with different expectations - This drama is so poorly acted I’m going to treat it like a comedy - can be rewarding in different ways. Normally it’s near impossible to figure out what the majority opinion even is (whatever sense we have of that absolutely stems from our own social pockets online and in real life) but even things that we conclusively know the vast majority of people hate can be repurposed to be “good” in unexpected ways. 

Atari’s 1982 E.T. is considered one of the worst video games ever made. Now it functions as a very entertaining story about the game industry crash, burying thousands of copies in a New Mexico landfill, and one poor schmuck’s 5 week nightmare (poor Warshaw). So... it depends a lot on your perspective :D 

[regressionuncensored]

Evie’s advice for feeling better! (submitted so I don’t send a bajillion asks)

I can’t make you feel better, but I can tell you how I got on the path to a better mental health!

First of all, in general, leave your judgement at the door. Both for yourself and my advice. Tumblr is infamous for responses to advice that consist of “what kind of neurotypical bullshit is this?” The thing is, saying that is ultimately proving my point that people on tumblr do not want to heal. Every bit of advice in those posts are valid.

The band-aid analogy:

It is so easy to wallow in self pity and receive cheap validation from people online, but in the end, it isn’t helping. Think about it like this: you fell on the playground and scraped up your knee really bad. In this analogy, scraping your knee will be the stand in for mental health. You have two options now. You can either let it sit there and fester and *maybe* eventually it will heal, but it will take longer, heal up all icky, and maybe even get infected. This is the equivalent of using tumblr and just letting your problems sit there and never do anything about it. Best case scenario, the problems will slowly fade away, but you never learned how to properly handle them and in the long run it only hurts you. If you don’t take care of your problems, you run the risk of them getting worse (like an infection), coming back again later (picking at a scab), or just letting them sit there forever and leave a big ugly scar that you could have prevented with hard work and perseverance.

How you actually need to care for an open wound like that is a long and boring process, but the results will show up faster and be much better in the long run. The first step is washing it off. This can be the equivalent of simply realizing there is a problem and deciding to take action. Then after that, you want to disinfect the wound. This is finding the source of your problems and removing it if at all possible. In my case, my parents are emotionally and physically abusive. How I ‘disinfect’ is I’m working really hard to move out on my own. But maybe not all of us have a way to get the icky nasty “germs” of our problems out of our lives right now, and that’s okay! It’s totally possible to heal if you don’t, it’s just a little bit harder. After that, you want to get some neosporin and a band-aid. These are your friends, families, therapists, your support group. These might help keep more icky stuff out of the wound, and can help reverse damage. After that, you need to remember to change the band-aid sometimes. This is the equivalent of seeing your therapist, talking to a friend or adult you trust, and making sure you keep lots of love around you so that the nastiness can’t get to you. Maybe sometimes you may even need to take medications to make extra sure you don’t get sick. This is totally ok!!! The medicine is always going to be to help you. It is just another layer of help for your scrape. Don’t demonize pills. They’re here to help too.

But wait, there’s more!

So you’ve started healing, but you still feel bad. That’s ok, it happens to the best of us. Here are 100% real and helpful tips to help feel better, tested and trusted by me!

Get active! I’m being serious. Being active gets your blood moving and makes your brain release happy juices that will make you feel better. Go for a jog, ride a bike, swim, play a sport, anything that gets you up and moving! You can always find something to do. And as a bonus, you might even lose a little weight. This can really help for people who don’t like how they look. I know it can be really really hard sometimes, but if you make yourself do it, you will feel better. Reward yourself if you have to! But you have to get up and get going, even if you really, really, really don’t want to. (It is okay if some days you just can’t. You just have to make sure that it doesn’t happen often. I give myself one “can’t do it” day a month, and most of the time now, I don’t even use them.)

Drink lots of water! Yes, I know soft drinks and juices are yummy, but they’re really not good for you in more ways than one. Your body needs normal water. That’s what makes it work. There is water in juices and soft drinks of course, but your body will take in normal water so much better. If you absolutely have to, they make sugar free water flavorings (Crystal light, for example) that come in lots of flavors and aren’t quite as bad. Start off with one whole 16 oz bottle of water a day, and build up over time. I drink between 2 and 3 bottles a day, and the recommended amount is 4 bottles. You can have juice and soft drinks sometimes, but it should be a rare treat! Milk is also good, but you have to drink water. Stay hydrated, and I promise you will feel a difference.

Hygiene! I know some days it feels so good to just lay in bed and do nothing, but you have to take care of yourself. Showers are my absolute best friend for my depression days. I even have a waterproof speaker that I take in the shower with me and play music on, and sometimes I even sing along, hairbrush microphone and all. You can even dance if you want to, but be careful and don’t slip. If all you can do is take a shower, be sure to wash your hair and body. If that’s all you can do today, that’s good! But you have to at least do that. I even recommend opting for a shower over a bath, since standing up means you have to use your muscles a little bit. Baths are for my good days, and usually I will take a bath with the most sparkly bath bomb I can find! The more you can do to take care of yourself, the better you will feel. My routine, for example, is to wash my hair, then my body, then shave, then do a sugar scrub, then shave again, then dry off and put on lotion. It’s a lot, but my legs feel soft and smooth and that makes me really really really happy! Sometimes I don’t make it all the way through my routine, but I go as far as I can. Of course, your routine is yours to make, but that one is mine.

Meditate. This one is good for any time you’re stressing out and also really good before bed to help sleep. Guided meditations are super easy to find for free online. Of you like ASMR, you can even just close your eyes and listen. I personally don’t like ASMR, so I listen to ambiance. They’re all over YouTube and have all kinds of themes like city noises, thunderstorms, the forest, the ocean, white noise, gentle music, and even some specific themed ones like riding in a horse-drawn carriage down a cobblestone road. I also really like gregorian chants.

Breathing exercises! Just like meditation, but faster and you can do it anywhere!

Stim toys! I shouldn’t have to explain this one.

Crying! Seriously, a nice long sob after a bad day releases all kinds of happy brain juices and it honestly just feels so good sometimes. It is 100% okay to cry.

Get offline! Read a book, put together a puzzle, color, just get away from a screen for a while.

There is all kinds of stuff you can do, but this is just a few examples of some of the ones I use. This is heavily geared towards depression/anxiety, since those are my biggest issues, but these are also the most common problems that people with mental illnesses have. Find things that are productive and make you feel better and suit your needs, but you absolutely have to keep going. Even when you really, really, really don’t want to. It is hard work, but it is so worth it and it gets easier. Just like fighting addiction, it gets easier with time. We’re all addicted to.our own misery, and that’s bad.

It also helps to avoid anything that might trigger you. However, if you do see it, don’t panic. Don’t talk about it, just take a deep breath and move on. Block the tag or blog if you have to. Ultimately, it is up to you to take care of that yourself.

This is just a short little list to get y'all started. If I help even one person, I’m happy. I love you all! ---------------------------------- -Lyra

[autumnimagining]

I get that flying cars have been the signifier of THE FUTURE since, like, 1890, but they’re so incredibly unsafe on so many levels that they’re just not worth bothering with.

Why? Because what goes up absolutely must and will come down. Think about how fucking dangerous cars are even now. You’re at a junction, and some twat not paying attention collides with the rear of your stationary vehicle. You’re not at fault, but your insurance is now going up, you’ve got repairs to make, and you might even suffer whiplash.

Now imagine if that happened in mid-air. Plane crashes are, mercifully, rare - especially ones that happen while in the air. But if they do happen, that plane comes down.

Imagine two cars colliding in mid-air because one of them is being piloted by a drunk idiot. Those two cars come down somewhere, causing even more damage to whatever’s on the ground (which could well be people as well as just buildings).

Even if you build in safety protocols like blood-alcohol scans that measure your blood alcohol via your fingerprint or something, learning to drive an actual car is complex enough because you have to keep an eye not just on your car and what you’re doing but on every other fucker on the road. Learning to fly is even more complex because of altitude, wind speed, and a bajillion other factors. You can learn enough about how to drive a car sufficiently well to pass both theory and practical tests in 10-20 hour long lessons. Just looking at the list of things here for learning to fly in the UK gives me a headache. And we really want to ask people to do both so that they can drive to work in a flying car?

Nah. No thanks. Not for me.

Automate the cars. Give me driverless cars that operate like taxis and miniature buses. Give me a car that comes up to my apartment or a designated stop sign near my house, and takes me to my destination for a monthly fee or a small fare (i know that’s like buses now but this is automated and driverless), and doesn’t need to worry about traffic jams or red lights or anything like that because it’s communicating with all the other cars and they’re all avoiding each other and it’s a smooth ride. They’re all electric, powered by solar cells and/or charged at network points, and once they’ve delivered maybe three journeys’ worth of passengers they go home to recharge. Nobody owns a private car now. No cars disgorge any horrible CO2 or methane or whatever. You can, if you really want to, pay extra for a private driverless car. But it’s all automated. The security protocols are set up to be watertight. The cars use LIDAR and other scanning systems to keep an eye on the road to avoid sudden pedestrian or wild animal intrusions on to the road - and they drive at a safe-enough speed that if a collision does happen the damage is minimal.

It's official, folks! We're living in a cyberpunk dystopia!! ☠️

[nikkithomas]

Save The Butterfly

It’s been two years since my doctor told me that I needed to start keeping a journal of my daily diet and working out. I told him that I HAD been doing all of that for 6-8 months and seeing no real results. That’s when he stopped dead in his tracks and said “we’re checking your thyroid”. Sure enough...my thyroid appeared to be for ornamental purposes only.

I’d been through this before. Most doctors test your TSH and when the values look normal...they just let it go and tell you that you’re fine. Thank goodness this doctor looked even closer at what was going on and knew to test my T3 and T4 as well. It wasn’t until over a year later when I felt horrible even though I was taking medication (levothyroxine andl then later liothyronine) that I went back to another doctor (I had moved to a different state at that point and really hadn’t been in to see a doctor since moving) and it was discovered that my levels were way off. The second doctor tested my TPOab and they were way out of whack.

Doctor #2 took me off of the levothyroxine/liothyronine combo...and took it down to just the levothyroxine and upped the dosage. By spring, I felt like garbage again and sought out an endocrinologist with the help of my primary physician. It took MONTHS to get into her practice...but when that time rolled around...she sat me down...looked at my blood work and told me that she would have had me hospitalized if she had seen the blood work that my primary saw several months before. She diagnosed me with autoimmune thyroiditis. Hashimoto’s disease.

I started reading everything possible. Dr. Internet had a whole lot of nothing to say.

Fatigue? Yeah. Swollen face? You betcha. Weight gain? Damn right. And lots of it. Sleep problems? Uh...yeah. Big time. Anxiety? Yep. Muscle pain? OMG yes. Sometimes so bad that it brought me to tears. Hair loss? Lil’ bit. Brittle nails? Yeah Weird swelling? Mmhmm I even had problems with my tongue. WTH?! EXTREME Vitamin D deficiency? Oh yeah...that too. Weird low body temperature? I average around 97.3 degrees to the average persons normal of 98.6. I am truly...cold-blooded. I burn up all the time though. Odd.

It was so frustrating. It was as if everything that had gone haywire in my body was now readily explained with this diagnosis.

First off...I was worried and relieved all at the same time.It was like a light went on and everything fell into place. THIS is why I was so tired. I’d work 12-14 hours a day and go home and go straight to my couch or to bed. I still do. I’m not complaining because I love my job. BUT...I have to admit that it had become increasingly difficult to push through for all those hours. Even now with medication it’s tough but I do it. When I wake up at random hours in the night and can’t get back to sleep...I find things to work on. It’s how I’ve adjusted to the situation. This has been going on for YEARS.

Secondly...it was concerning because I wondered how much damage had been done and was now irreparable because it had gone untreated so long.

Third...even with an explanation about my weight...that didn’t really help me feel any better about it.

I started thinking back and it was overwhelming to process things like my erratic body temp issues...my face getting red in the past (and even now to some degree...) having TWO major surgeries for things that could have been controlled and treated with medication. The crazy weight gain. (I am basically the size of a small to medium size village at this point.)

What a ripoff.

How in the hell did this go on so long without being diagnosed!?!?!

The levothyroxine sucked. I had felt better with the mix of synthroid and cytomel. My friend Amy in Arizona had Hashimoto’s and had recommended Naturethroid. I begged my endocrinologist to switch me out and she did. It was awesome!! I felt so much better. Not great....but better. Not like a melted candle on a summer sidewalk...but more of a semi-melted ice cream cone on a spring day.

THEN...there was a national shortage?! No. Seriously. That happened.

Walgreen’s ran out of Naturethroid. Almost all pharmacies ran out. That’s when they put me on Armour. Garbage. Lame. I might as well have been licking chalk every day. I gained even MORE weight. Was super tired. Depressed. It was terrible.

Finally...I found a pharmacy that carried Naturethroid and even though it wasn’t an accurate dose...was able to break it into something that seemed to work.

One of the hardest things about this stupid thyroid disease...disorder...whatever you want to call it...is that it seems to take forever to get the dosage correct. I’m still not 100 percent. I’m still getting bloodwork done more often than I’d like. Just to function. Just to live. I keep reminding myself that there are so many others who have things that are so much more difficult to live with...and that puts it into perspective. It still sucks though.

I hate the memes about this disease. Annoying. Basically...there are two varieties: the “omg I’m so tired and you don’t understand” garbage...

Okay. Seriously?

Just STFU.

If you feel like you have to put that out there...the people around you suck. Stop talking to those losers and caring what those bitches think. Just...STOP. The whiny memes are not inspirational. They’re just...whiny. Yeah yeah. You’re sick...I’m sick...we’re all sick. We’re all trying to get by...blah blah blah.

Sorry sweetheart...but we’re all on a one horse open sleigh...straight to the grave. All of us. No one will make it. There will be no survivors. Suck it up. We’re all dying. There are people out there with cancer and a bajillion other things that are excruciatingly painful. Hypothyroidism sucks...and it isn��t easy...but come on. Try not to live in that head space. We all want to take a nap...under our desks...ten minutes after we get to work...but still...

Listen...if you feel like you have to explain yourself and your battle to people...maybe those people aren’t really worthy of being around you? Something to think about. Your pain is real...the fatigue and symptoms are real...people who genuinely love and care about you...will understand. Anyone that would try to make you feel bad about what’s going on with your health...probably isn’t worth your time and effort anyway.

(Thyroid Cancer...is pretty scary. I literally had one doctor tell me that if I ended up having thyroid cancer...that it was the “best kind”. For the people that have lived through that...you go ahead and you post the memes. You’ve earned that right.)

And then there are the dicks that make fat jokes. I don’t mind the fat slurs. I have to admit though...the acceptance of that form of discrimination makes me laugh. It’s totally fine to trash someone for being fat and treat them like they’re less than human...but a lot of those same people that discriminate against the “glandular challenged”...seem to get offended over other forms of discrimination. The hypocrisy...is awesome...not really.

Except for this quote...this one is actually my favorite...

Gets me every time. Fat or not...that’s just...funny.

They can make all the gravy jokes they want...deep down...I can’t wait until their glands fail them and they start to chub up later in life...or until their wives leave them because of their impotence issues. But...I digress...

If you’re living with this garbage...I’m sorry. If your “journey” (that’s my least favorite blog buzzword EVER...”journey”)...is anything like mine...I wish you the best of luck and hope that you find the right mix of medication for your condition. I’m still on the struggle bus trying to find mine. As you work your way towards a workable solution...and maybe start losing the weight and get some of your energy back...just remember the people who weren’t there for you or made you feel like less of a person...and make a note of it. That’s who they really are...deep down. Don’t you deserve better than that in your life?

I’m going to go grab 45 minutes of sleep and then go to work. Namaste’ people.

[felidfavs]

under the cut is me venting about the bajillion fucked up things my uncle said within like a minute of coming to my grans house, it triggered a panic attack for me so, i need to work through it.

a) no one is denying that bad people can't get guns if they really really want them, or otherwise murder people if they really really want to. all people are saying is, if people can't buy guns like candy, statistically, gun related incidents WILL go down. it's just simple science. and your whole spiel on how the government doesnt want citizens to have guns to thwart rebellion.... really? i'm pretty sure the suped up army would easily win even if everyone owned a gun. and a lot of people would die either way. it wouldn't help if it came to that. like dude chill.

b) trans people are not freaks. a transgender woman is not a man. no, if she went to the doctor and they drew blood... it probably wouldn't tell them she's a man. why? i) they don't do that kind of testing on every old blood sample???????? ii) dna testing is EXPENSIVE iii) GENDER ISNT SEX YOU FOOL iv) even then, sex isn't binary you absolute shit nozzle.

c) same sex couples adopting isn't putting a kid into a bad environment. they have to be vouched for and shit. also they usually are SUPER INTO BEING PARENTS AND TRY REALLY HARD. also it's WAY FUCKING BETTER THAN NOT HAVING PARENTS???????

and then while i was off in the bathroom hyperventilating and trying not to cry my makeup off so i could act like i didn't just have a panic attack HE STARTED ON INTO TOTALLY LAUGHING ABOUT ALL THESE SEXUAL ASSAULT ALLEGATIONS AND HOW THEY ARE RIDICULOUS AND JUST BEING FUCKIBG GROSS

and then was like "oh but bullying that's another story"

like wow ok sure asshole

i am deeply concerned how his children are going to grow up.