#a Lot of Feelings

[thesulkycroissant]

In a lot of ways, New Teen Titans is a coming-of-age story, but there's a wealth of information about Bruce and Dick's relationship - at this point in comic history - that I think is so fascinating.

For example, these panels, where Bruce essentially equates an end of the Batman & Robin partnership to an end of his relationship with Dick.

(Never mind little blond Jason lol.)

In this comic, Dick and Bruce's teams end up teaming up. There's a certain extra tension to Bruce and Dick's differing opinions about revealing their identities, because an ongoing theme in the NTT run is that the Titans are getting ready to reveal their secret identities to Terra, who the reader knows is working as a double agent for Deathstroke.

Anyway, some additional panels of Dick & Bruce interactions in the field:

[navygdraws]

i don’t know why i bite

[spiegelgestalt]

Timebomb feelings because of the Arcane trailer for season 2

So I just saw the arcane trailer for season 2. It's great. I'm so excited. (so sad that Victor and Jayce died in the explosion quite an apprupt ending for them i guess... /s)

but what i really want to talk about is these two pictures:

Because it got me thinking. One of the interesting aspects of the Jinx/Ekko relationship is that they are able to communicate through other means than direct words. And that they are able to create a different image for each other.

Long and rambly explanation under the cut, which got away from me and can be summarized with: Jinx makes Ekko more violent and Ekko makes Jinx more heroic and they love each other your honor and i want to see a team up in season 2:

Song:

Jinx has a few songs (Guns for hire, goodbye, What could have been) but they are usually solos. They are usually melodic rock. And they usually concentrate on how much Jinx was wronged.

And than there is Dynasties and Dystopia. On first watch i thought it was an Ekko song. It's after all in his style (both in animation as in genre) but some words don't quite fit:

"I might just might kick your butt Go run amok then paint my nails Never learned to raise my hand Was too busy raising hell Everything I know I am You should go and save yourself Thought you had my number, huh Congratulations, you played yourself"

this just screams jinx to me. Ekko has yet to run amok. Jinx does it all the time. I don't even know what Ekko's nails look like, but we have several distinct shots of Jinxs' blue and pink nails; Ekko doesn't raise hell, if he's raising something it's paradise. And the line "you should go and save yourself" is a good continuation/rejection of the one thing Jinx says in this fight: Look who it is - the boy savior -> go save yourself! And it forshadows the way jinx will be able to get just a loss instead of a total defeat (look she was defeated- in the aftermath Ekko had a hurt leg, while Jinx needed to be revived with terrible magic drugs there is a clear winner here). Ekko thinks he has jinx figured out but he hasn't and thats why he will hesitate in the end.

But i would also argue that not all of the song is jinx:

Ooh, yeah, he mad I'm racking up white diamonds Throw me in the sky You would swear the sun shining Ooh, yeah, he mad I'm racking up white diamonds Throw me in the sky You would swear the sun shining

this verse is both of them: Basically they are saying: Look how great i'm doing (lie) Aren't you mad about it? (They will never beat the allegation that they are bitter exes.)

And I'd argue that this is Ekkos verse:

In this gothic underground city We all sin If I bring a couple rounds with me Then we all win I came back and brought the crown with me The king's den Break your nexus and your neck 'cause Everybody's on your head

and interestingly enough it's an offer. This makes sense with the visual. Encouraged through Vi who insists that Powder is still in there somewhere Ekko conjures a situation wich is similar to their old games. And it works: It's the only time Powder appears as her young self on screen. And so Ekko makes an offer he probably made before: Trust me, back down, i can help:

He starts with: We all make mistakes - one of the things that bind Powder to the Jinx personality is her guilt over having killed her entire family. But Ekko doesn't blame Jinx he blames their circumstances (something he also does in his Zaun-duet misfit toys)

If i bring a couple rounds with me, then we all win -> this foreshadows his timetravel ability. And even if he doesn't has it at this point this whole scene breaks down time itself so it still works in my head. Ekko brings the crown with him (the hextech-crystal) and he warns Jinx that everyone is going after her.

And the second refrain which I'd argue both sing once again:

Hold still while I bag that, uh Talk bad 'til I snap back, uh This ain't brown, this that dark black This that pitch black, jet black Snap yo' ex watch me give him flashbacks

Meaning: keep still, i've got this, just trust me dude!

This song shows that Ekkos and Jinx's disagreement is far more similar to the disagreement between Vander and Silco than to the disagreement between Vi and Jinx. Vi and Jinx' disagreement is personal. Vi rejects everything jinx has become and just wants her "sweet" little sister back - Ekkos and Jinx's disagreement is political. They disagree about the question what is best for Zaun. AND I'd also argue the Ekko is far less surprised by the jinx personality. He knew Powder was a bit of a shithead. He's just pissed that she's working for Silco.

Well let's finally get to these two pictures:

We see Ekko and we see Jinx drawn as hero of the resistance in Ekkos style* (compare the mural to the video of misfit toys) We know that Jinx gave Ekko a definition that didn't suit him by creating the firefly bombs and recasting him as a terrorist. And know we see Ekko who maybe drew this picture of jinx recreating her from a terrorist into a hero of Zaun.

(see me get proven wrong in the first episode of arcane season 2...)

[overrated-sheep]

Crying over thinking about Sam crying over thinking about Dean’s low self esteem

Imagining a scene where Sam and Dean get drunk and Dean starts laying into himself, maybe in a joking manner at first but Sam just can’t stand to hear it. How dare ANYONE talk that way about HIS brother! It’s an affront to his very existence. How could anyone not see that Dean was all the goodness in the world balled up into one man? HIS man!

Can imagine Sam yelling at him to shut up, to stop telling lies. Sobbing in anger at how the world made his brother believe he was anything but good. So maybe he splits his brother’s lip to shut him up. And then soothes it with a kiss. Sucking at it like he’s trying to sip whatever poison Dean was inflicted with because he knew that he was immune.

[apicelladonna]

Gellert was very much aware of the ringing in his ears. Like he'd been in front of a lightning strike and it barely missed him.

He was also vaguely hearing someone screaming. At him? At the sky? At someone else?

All he can fathom it must've been quite the mess he is in.

Because Albus never looks at him like that.

With anger.

Hello to the lovely twenty folks following this humble choatic trove, I hope you realize you followed someone who is currently hyperfixating on some old tragic gay wizards while finishing her master's degree in dentistry. Happy to have you all on board,

Cheers and take care! -Ella

[rvspecter]

god, it's an impossible task!!! and harvey doesn't need an added hurdle when he's SO CLOSE. but mike's asking it of him and it's just...yes mike, I'll make it happen.

he's so!!!! so so. so. devoted to this boy. heartbrokenly, go to the ends of the earth for this man that has harvey's whole heart in his hands.

it's absolutely insane. harvey's love for him was so fucking violent during this era. no wonder gabriel shipped it

🚨

[its-your-mind]

sorry but I am Still thinking about percy and laudna apologizing to each other at the base of the Sun Tree.

Percy has probably only just started thinking with a rational brain again - five minutes ago he had the biggest gun ever pointed directly at laudna in case delilah decided to bodysnatch her. And he’s not sorry for doing that; there isn’t much he wouldn’t do to make sure delilah couldn’t come back. But still, I’m sure he imagines that he’s the last person laudna would want around right now. But, he has a responsibility to her as Lord of Whitestone. His family was responsible for protecting the people of Whitestone, and they failed to do so. Then, when he finally came back to drive out the threat, she was brutally maimed and murdered just so Delilah could send a message to him and to his crew.

So he does what he must, and apologizes as a lord apologizes to a citizen. He won’t burden her with anything more; she deserves as much emotional distance from him and from his town as she can possibly get.

I’m sure the last thing he expected was for her to invite him closer, next to her, to touch the Sun Tree and feel its warmth. But, he does as she asks. He at least owes her that much. And then, she places her hand on top of his.

Because she doesn’t want or need an apology from Lord Perceval de Rolo. She knows, maybe better than anyone else, that there was nothing he could have done to protect her. That none of this was his fault. That he was as much of a victim in this as she was. And so she gently and unthinkingly pushes past these barriers Percy’s put up, and brings him to stand on the same level with her; two people who have stared down the same evil, who have been broken down and destroyed, but have nonetheless found new and unexpected hope and joy and a place in their respective families.

“That’s what it means, to be a survivor. To break the cycles.”

[anwarism]

To celebrate the last chapter of "Just to know you're alive" by Sara aka Pigeonmom, I drew that. You really should read this fic btw.

And the lineart version.

[boldlyqueertastic]

“I dream of you” by USS_Queertastic

Summary: Spock has dreams about Michael

I dream of you, reaching out, a connection lost to time, red wings draped in regret, a figure turned to sand slipping through my fingers, a ghost in everything I touch, in games left unfinished, scattered pieces and tipped scales.

I dream of you, reaching out, have I left my mark as you’ve left yours on my heart, in my memories, our secret locked away.

I dream of you, reaching out, knowing my thoughts, my dreams, of kind eyes that guide me, a gentle reassurance in my mind telling me I have found him and that he dreams of me.

[navnae]

Bandage My Heart While You’re At It

(Posted this on Ao3 awhile back so if this looks familiar that’s why but if you haven’t read it hope you enjoy it 🥰)

-

Steve felt weak as most of his weight was leaning on Eddie and he held him up by keeping a hand on his waist pulling back the jacket a little bit letting the cold feeling of his rings come in contact with his skin. He had one arm around Eddie’s neck trying to balance himself as they continued to walk through the upside down and at this point the girls were long gone. Steve started to bleed a few miles back leaving a trail of blood behind him which Eddie started to notice immediately. Eddie didn’t hesitate to hold Steve when he started to stumble slightly and his blood dripped down onto Eddie’s clothes but that didn’t affect him not one bit. Both of them continued to walk until they came across a little shack that was destroyed by all the vines that went throughout the small building. Steve let Eddie guide him towards the shack and with every step he couldn’t help the grunts of pain that came from him. Eddie loosened his grip on Steve’s waist as he pushed the shack door with one hand and in the darkness he was able to find what was somewhat left of a couch where he gently put down Steve. He took it upon himself to tear off a long piece of his shirt hoping that it would be enough for Steve’s wounds that were only getting worse by the second. Steve looked up to see Eddie completely destroying his clothes without hesitation and he’s in shock that Eddie took it that far. He wanted to tell him that he’s already become liability to the group so Eddie should find the girls without him.

“Munson, you have to go on without me. Find your way back to the girls because it’s not a good idea for you guys to be split up like this.” Steve warned the other boy but he refused to listen. Eddie successfully tore the piece of fabric and he sat on the couch with the new material in his hands ready to bandage Steve up.

“If you think I’m going to leave you here like this then you’re crazier than I thought, Harrington. Let me take care of you.” Eddie said softly while flashing a smile. Steve didn’t know what he felt in his stomach when Eddie’s features became softer underneath the moonlight that shined through the windows. He leaned in close to take off his jacket that Steve had on and his hands lifted Steve’s arms gently as he slid the denim off of Steve’s scared body. Steve started to feel self conscious without the jacket covering up all the blood and wounds that decorated his skin. Eddie placed the jacket behind him before facing Steve who looked terrified. He tried to think of ways to calm Steve down while he tried treating him and the only thing he could think of was taking Steve’s hand into his own. “Everything is going to be okay, this might hurt but I’ll try to make it bearable for you.”

“Okay.” Steve said with a shaky breath. He didn’t realize that he squeezed Eddie’s hand when he started to remove the old bandages and the pressure of them loosened. Steve gritted his teeth when the cool air touched the open wounds that were giving him undeniable pain. Eddie threw the old fabric on the floor then took the piece of his shirt that he ripped into his hands and he leaned in once again to wrap it around Steve’s waist. Steve bit his lip when Eddie’s fingers softly pressed against his old scars as he brought the fabric back to the front of Steve’s stomach then then tying a tight knot making the new bandages secure. Eddie focused on the state of the fabric and he rubbed his hands along the side of Steve’s waist trying to make sure that they wouldn’t tear midway through their walk back to find the girls. He could hear the choppy breaths that came from Steve as he continued to touch his sides, Eddie took his eyes off of the task at hand and he looked up to see Steve looking back at him. It felt like Eddie was getting picked apart underneath Steve’s gaze making him think that he was hurting him.

“What? Does it hurt?” Eddie asked worriedly as he quickly moved his hands away from Steve’s body. Steve reached out to stop Eddie from pulling his hands away and he placed them back onto his waist. The action caught both of them off guard in that moment since it happened suddenly. Steve had a lot of thoughts in his head when when the feeling of Eddie’s fingers came back onto him. A strange sensation that was deep within his stomach fluttering around as he scanned over every delicate feature that complimented Eddie’s face.

“N-no it feels fine. You can keep going.” Steve reassured Eddie that he wasn’t causing him any pain. Eddie nodded his head and went back to touching the fabric. Steve could tell that all his attention was on trying to make the bandages work out he even did that thing with his tongue when he was deep thought. He let out a chuckle as he watched Eddie and that caused him to look at Steve with confusion. Eddie never thought that on the brink of death and in the midst of the world coming to an end the he would ever hear a genuine laugh from Steve.

“What’s so funny?” Eddie asked while laughing himself because Steve’s laugh was contagious. They found themselves laughing at each other in the darkness that consumed them but the only thing that made them see their faces was the light coming from the window. Steve felt a sting every time he moved as he laughed but it was easy to ignore the pain because watching Eddie laugh made his wounds hurt less.

“You. I don’t know, when you’re concentrating really hard on something you make this funny face.” Steve said through his laugh. Eddie playfully hit Steve’s arm softly trying not to hurt him in the process. He looked away from Steve to hide the blush that came onto his face even though it wasn’t visible for him to see. The laughter died down after a few seconds and silence came over them as they tried avoiding each other’s eyes. Eddie snapped out of his thoughts once he remembered that he was supposed to be working on Steve’s bandages. Awkwardly he placed his hands back onto Steve’s waist making Steve jump a little from the contact.

“I’m just gonna…get back to it.” Eddie smiled shyly. Steve laughed and gave Eddie some room to work on the bandages.

Steve watched Eddie’s hands touch him again and he couldn’t stop staring at the boy in front of him like he was the only person in the world. His actions were delicate in the way he felt over the fabric that molded perfectly with Steve’s body in the past few minutes of them talking. Steve thought about how Nancy did the same thing not too long ago even though she was also delicate with her movements it didn’t feel like there was any precise method to what she did but Eddie took his time with every section. Eddie has definitely had some moments that he wasn’t exactly proud of and ended up needing to treat himself when multiple open wounds would appear in his body. In the end maybe his screwed up childhood could help him in the long run with the whole Vecna ordeal. Silence fell over them again and they didn’t know what to say to each other because most of their thoughts have been doused in nothing but the other person.

“So, have you thought about what you’re gonna do about Wheeler. Like how you two can get back together?” Eddie mumbled as he took a quick glance at Steve. He knew there were boundaries about what happened between them and even though he put that idea into Steve’s head something inside of him felt a little bit of regret. Eddie couldn’t bring himself to admit that he probably read the situation between Steve and Nancy wrong. They were better off as friends from what he’s seen so far and now it was to late for him to take it all back. Little did Eddie know that Steve pushed any thoughts that surrounded Nancy to the farthest part of his mind because he haven’t made a decision yet. Steve spent the last few years getting over her and accepting the fact she was happier in a relationship that didn’t involve him. Eddie gave him a new perspective on what to think about their friendship or at least that’s what he got from their conversation.

“I haven’t thought about it no. Honestly I’m kind of conflicted with how feel about a lot of things right now. Of course my love for Nance will never go away but us being together romantically just seems like something that should be left in the past. Sorry for dumping all of this on you, Munson.” Steve joked. He’s never been the one to ramble but for some reason he felt comfortable enough to do so and it made him better knowing that Eddie was actually listening to him. Eddie smiled to himself after hearing what Steve was thinking. He liked that Steve talked to him casually about how he felt and it gave him some comfort knowing that in the future this could be a normal thing between them.

“It’s all good dude. After seeing a lot of crazy shit I think it’s only right to have a breather every once in awhile.” Eddie said softly. He met Steve’s eyes as he words came out of his mouth and his heart started to beat out of his chest when those beautiful set of brown eyes looked at him intently. Eddie noticed the quick glance towards his lips from Steve then back to his eyes. His hands were frozen on Steve’s waist and by now the bandages were more than secure but he didn’t want to remove his hands. Steve blushed at the little movements from Eddie’s hands as they moved up his body slowly. The gap between them started to close and Steve reached out to touch Eddie’s cheek gently while cupping the side of his face pulling him towards himself. Eddie let Steve take control as he leaned in closer, Steve’s breath hitting his lips making aware of how close they were and what was actually about to happen.

They kissed each other softly letting their hands explore and pulling each other close wanting to feel the heat that come off of this bodies. Eddie managed to get his hands into Steve’s hair tugging it lightly earning a sound out of Steve that he’d never thought he would head and god did he want to hear it again. That made Steve open his mouth long enough for Eddie to slip his tongue inside of Steve’s mouth and licking it slowly. Low moans came from both of them as the kiss became more passionate in the next few seconds. Before anything else escalated Eddie pulled away trying to catch his breath and the taste of Steve melting on his tongue. He wanted to continue but he knew they had to get back to reality eventually when all of Hawkins were counting on them. Steve looked away from Eddie still feeling the butterflies in his stomach and he put his hand on the back of neck from the awkward tension that entered the room.

“Um… I think we should get going and find the girls.” Eddie stood up swiftly. He rocked back and forth on his feet now that everything was sinking in he started to get anxious.

“Yeah. You’re right.” Steve said as he stood up. He walked towards the door and Eddie followed him. They went back into the upside down like nothing happened. As they walked their shoulders would brush up against one another by accident but they didn’t hide the smiles that came onto their faces. Whatever was next for the two of them was a complete mystery and since all of it was new they wasn’t going to talk about it until everything went back to normal. So in the meantime, they managed to catch up with Robin and Nancy they continued to have quick glances among them while the girls just assumed that they were secretly showing their dislike for each other.

They were rivals after all.

[slimepuppied]

the roys and the colors i associate with them

connor - light blue. it is the color of the sky, perfect for the man with his head in the clouds, the endless vast above you means potential, all you could be if you could ever reach it; he gives you a ladder, and he gives them the sky. it is the color for the first boy but not the eldest son.

kendall - dark blue. the abyss calls, the brine is deep and unforgiving and as you pull yourself from the water you are met with the endless midnight sky, that same deep blue. you're drowning in it, their expectations can be counted with every navy thread it takes to make your suit.

roman - red. you want to say you are driven by passion, that every act you do is for family, your purpose is your connection, your relationships to those you care for, for those you love. but love has always met you in the form of a clenched fist, in crimson on your tongue from a backhand and a split lip. red is rage, the feeling eats away at you, you’d eat yourself if it meant you didn’t have to see it anymore: you’d let those you love devour you to be a part of them.

siobhan - green. you are nature, you are the beauty seen when light hits through the trees, you are poison ivy, your touch is poison, and when someone goes to soothe you they touch it too, they spread it, on you, on them. infectious. you want to be good, you believe you are, but as much as you appear to be the rose you are the thorns beneath.

[chmerical-a]

fee fees below the cut <3

on the real. my anxiety coming back here was bad & i mean something awful. feeling replaced & unwanted by folks who are friends is never ever fun. but i did it. i stuck around & i've been getting to know new folks & reconnecting with those who've been around since my st days which has been fucking amazing tbh so

to everyone who accepted me back with open arms: thank you. to everyone who happened upon my blog & decided 'i wanna write with her!': thank you. to everyone who checks in & sends love: thank you. to everyone who's an og, who've been mutuals from the very beginning and i've gotten to know and truly care for: thank you.

you guys make it worth it. and i'll keep on pushing through my anxiety so we can tell some dope ass stories. i dunno if i'll keep this up for long, but!!! i figure since i'm not really like open like this often, i'd share hehe

[aksannyi]

tw: death of a loved one

well, i am here. i arrived at my mom's house around noonish, and we went over to my grandfather's at 1. she hadn't told him i was coming, so it was a nice surprise for him.

spent a lot of time there sitting and talking. i knew he was so happy to see me and that is the whole reason i came. not for me - this was hard. this was really hard and it was 99% the reason i was so apprehensive about coming here. but it was important. and it made him so happy. and that's all i want, really. it's not about my mom, or my uncle, or my brothers. or me.

and when it was time for me to leave tonight (since my flight is tomorrow), i hugged him, and we both cried. and he told me to remember him. like i could ever forget. but i understand, i think, we truly die when we are forgotten.

this fucking sucks. it's inevitable, it was always an inevitability, but i didn't wanna watch it happen. i don't want to see him like this, frail and weak, winded from walking to the bathroom. it's been a few years, but he was always so strong and healthy (well, as healthy as you can be in your 80s). and i knew that this was going to be hard. i knew that he's been sick, and the docs have said that this is the end of what they can do. and now we just wait for him to die. i hate it. i hope that when he goes, it's peaceful, and painless. and i know. i know that he knows that i love him bc i told him. and all 3 of us (my mom was also there) are crying and i'm just. i'm not ready for this. i'm 42 fucking years old and he's my last living grandparent and i'm still not ready, i don't think i'll ever be ready.

i almost wanna get back home, go back to my normal. not forget, necessarily, but not be confronted with it by the mere fact of being up here at my mom's house (in the spare room bc my brother stole mine, the shit). like yes i will think and remember and be sad. that's normal. but also being home disconnects me somewhat from the reality.

anyway idk man i'm just feeling everything all at once right now and i'm just heartbroken. i walked into that house in 1993 and saw my grandfather hunched over the kitchen counter sobbing because my grandmother was dead, and today i held him in that same kitchen, hunched over because he's so weak, crying because it's almost his time. and it's like bookends. almost. if that makes sense.

nana's been waiting. i miss her too, still. but i know he misses her more. and 30 years i think is long enough. but when it comes to the people we love and care about, a million years wouldn't be enough. and i'm just. ugh. this sucks. that's all i can end on. this sucks.

[xmeinewelt]

"I wish I didn't feel a damn thing."

- Dean Winchester - Supernatural ( @xmeinewelt )

[godlizzza]

so i finished gideon the ninth and urghhhh

[bigjaws]

Today my sister is coming to live with me. Hooray for the diaspora! :)