#a ‘wont even tell me what fucking country or town or city he is so desperately trying to get back to

[aemiron-main]

One day I gotta tell you guys about the seemingly a time traveller dude I met once who looked almost identical to henry now that I think abt it

[matrixxsystem]

I can't not tell you guys the story now-

buckle up sluts this so much more comfort and fluff than I've ever written before-

This is how Leo found Marmalade This is a western AU where after the invasion the surface of New York was too triggering so they ran off to the middle of nowhere to try and heal. CW: This AU is a little dark, it wont be explored in full but there might be mentions of dealing with mental illness and having PTSD so just be a lil warned, but this is supposed to be just a lil one off about how he found his lil lady :3

Boots With The Spurrs

The sun had just reached the apex of the sky, heat beating down with such a vengeance you'd think someone owed it money or something.. Though lets be real, it wasn't like it was any cooler yesterday or the day before. The slider never minded though, he loved the sun and all that came with it. And that cool summer breeze that nearly blew his hat off, even as he held on while the wind shoved him back towards the house, or tired to at least- He loved that too. It was so clear each night and so quiet every morning.. The air was so clean, and the grass was so soft.. The first time he stepped foot on the property of their new home he spent a good hour just laying outside and taking it all in. He couldn't remember why exactly him and his family came out here, but it'd been maybe five or six years since they moved now, and it was a hell of an adjustment sure, any city boy would be turned on his head being stuck out in the middle of god knows where. But even when he missed some of the busy aspects, the bright lights and colors, the smells and constant chatter of people, he could only remind himself that there was a reason they left the city. Something about everyone's mental health, about needing space and time or whatever vague excuse Donnie told him each time he asked.

There was a small town not far from where they lived, maybe a twenty minute walk or so, and five minutes if they rode horseback. Oh yeah, didn't I mention? They bought a farm. Yeah, They bought a plot of land that was just outside a small town, fixed the place up, and since Donnie loves plants and Mikey loves animals it seemed fitting to start trying to grow things and really leaning into the towns rustic aesthetic. Who knew they had green thumbs.. Well… Fuck okay who knew they had metaphorical green thumbs- And would be oddly good farmers?? Yeah, me neither. Anyway, after the first two years things really took off for the brothers. And cause I can read your mind, don't worry, Aprils there too, she got a job working at the local news station, her and Mayhem easily became a hit. And Casey Jr came along, and Cass, hell even Barry decided he might as well tag along and make sure the brothers don't get into anymore weird time altering shenanigan's. And after Splinter.. Passed, it helped having everyone be there with them. Leo looked back up at the sky, trying to read the clouds to see if there was any sign of rain, maybe if he could convince the others.. They'd let him go into town for a bit, they needed food soon anyway right?

Oh yeah, second thing about this story. This is one where Leo lost his arm, yeah no, when Mikey pulled him from the prison dimension Kraang was just a little faster and dug his claws into Leo's arm, tearing it from his body as Mikey rushed to close the portal and save what was left of his brother. So yeah, most of the time he spent healing from that is just a blurred mess to him now, then he woke up in the turtle tank out in the country one day. He remembers people by his bedside in the medbay talking about it, asking Leo or trying to ask how he felt, if he wanted to go anywhere, if there was anything he wanted to do outside the city. Anytime it's brought up he's always teased about how he only said things like "I wanna be a cowboy baaabyyyy" or "I just wanna live on a ranch, and sit on a porch swing, with my boyfriend.." (He did not have a boyfriend, or know anyone who could even come close at the time) So they continued to poke fun at his responses, which he blames the pain medicine he was on at the time for.

Leo sighed a little as he sat on the old wooden stairs, rolling his eyes at the audible creek that came from the shift in weight. He took the very cowboy-esk hat from his head waving it in front of his face, trying to get a little more of a breeze to cool him off. He'd just been out moving the pipes Donnie ordered to make he's own watering system for the plants, he wanted to start a new patch on the other side of the house and Leo just knew he'd be bribed into doing all the dirty work somehow.. Though he'd do it if asked, he knew that something bad happened to all his brothers before they moved that left them all a little less able then they used to be. For Donnie his back got hurt badly, most days he was fine but some days he'd get these real bad flare ups and he couldn't put any weight on his back or be on his feet for more then maybe fifteen minutes at a time. Leo liked to call it his "No Bones" days, since he'd usually end up just rag doll-ing in his bed all day. It was actually pretty scary the first few times it happened, Leo wasn't sure why everyone else was so calm that his brother couldn't move. But after a while and a couple explanations he didn't fully understand he came to accept that for Dee it's just something that happens when he overworks himself.. For Raph he lost sight in one of his eyes and hates being snuck up on, there were scars over the eye but they didn't look like any animal Leo had ever seen, he didn't ask though. He knew he didn't like talking about it, none of his brothers did really. Even Mikey, who was an open book all other times.. He had some faint scars from his hands up his forearms, and if he used his hands too much they'd start shaking or locking up, he always blames him drawing too much when he was younger but Leo knew deep down there was something else he just wasn't saying. But like any other time Leo was able to quickly shake those thoughts from his mind, it wasn't important and if they didn't want to talk, then he didn't want to know. He knew enough, and knew prying would only hurt them in the end.

He turned his head to look at the front door hearing the screen door swing open, "Hey Leo, you finally had enough of tha' heat?" Leo put his hat back on and smiled up at his oldest brother, "You could say that- Think if I asked Mike would be willin' to make us some lemonade?" Raph's eyes lit up as he weighed the options for a moment, food always got his big brother motivated and Mikey always made the best lemonade..

Leo let out a little laugh at his brothers reaction, "Though if we're gonna have a drink I s'pose we'd need to head into town to get the lemons don't we..?" Raph tensed up a bit hearing the mention of town. Compared to New York this town was more like a small village- It was like something straight out of a western movie it seemed. Raph let out a little grumble, muttering something about town and Leo just laughed again, giving Raph a reassuring pat on the lower half of his shell. "Oh c'mon big guy, it'll take all of forty minutes to get in, out, and back home." Raph carefully passed Leo on the stairs, once again weighing his options. "Raph..?" Leo asked, a little softer, "I know I shouldn't keep askin, but why don't you guys like goin' into town? Seems like y'all lock up whenever it's mentioned but I can't recall the reason."

"Its.." There was a pause, maybe he was trying to think about his words so he didn't sound like he was yelling at Leo. "It's nothin' really, if you wanna go, we'll go. Saddle up an I'll give Don the heads up that we're goin for a ride." Leo practically jumped up to get ready, "Are you sure we wanna tell Don? If he knows you're goin he'll send you off with a whole grocery list to bring back-" Raph shrugged, "If we're goin' we might as well make sure we get all we need, 'sides, Don ain't feelin well again so it might be good to bring him back some more medicine." Leo glanced back at the house, up to the second story where Dee's room was, "He havin' one of his 'no bones' days?" Raph rolled his eyes at the name but nodded, "Yeah, just one of those days. Now go on and get saddled up while I run in and get some money and everyone's orders." Leo gave a playful salute and a 'yes sir!' before heading around to the barn where the horses we're kept. He gave each one a little attention as he passed, Donnie's being an all black horse of course, Mikey's being some kind of calico with all matter of spots and specks decorating its coat, and Raph's was a big ass Belgian draft horse with a dark grey coat that faded to black at the feet. And Leo's, it was this blonde almost iridescent light color. "Well hey there sunshine" He cooed as he opened her gate, stepping and and getting ready to head out, "Looks like we're goin' for a ride today, a real one, not just round the house. You excited?" The horse turned her head nudging Leo and almost knocking him over, he laughed as he gently pushed her back, "I know I know, I told Raphie we need to take y'all out more but he don't want me goin into town alone, don't think he wants me goin anywhere alone actually-" After he was all set he took her lead and walked out of the barn, nearly bumping into Raph on their way out.

Once they were both set they headed out, Leo riding up and around roads, goin as fast as his Sunshine would let him, she liked going fast too, part of why he was able to get her at all. Her last owner couldn't get her to calm down or stop running off or throwing anyone who tried to ride her. Leo pretty quickly figured she just lived a bit faster then others, just like him. So he'd made a bet that if he could ride her without being thrown he'd get a big discount. Instead of trying to get her on his level he got onto hers, encouraging her to run and jump to her hearts content, and they've gotten along pretty damn well since then. Once they got into town went and hopped off his horse, not bothering to tie her up unlike Raph and his gentle giant, who he carefully tied up at a post outside the local grocery store, pulling a few treats from his bag and setting them down. "Good girl Boots" He muttered with a little pat before heading into the store, Leo trailing behind. They browsed for a few minutes, well, Leo did, Raph just picked what they needed and only that. Going right to the sections that had what he needed, he really didn't want to be there longer then they needed to be it seemed.. Leo rolled his eyes and tosses a lemon his way, "Heads up Raphie-!"

The lemon bonked the side of Raph's head and fell into his basket, he turned to Leo with an unamused expression, Leo braced to be yelled at, to be scolded like they would when they were younger, maybe even a playful slap on the back of his head for being impolite at the store. But Raph just took a breath and sighed, picking a couple apples up and setting them in the basket next to the lemon. Leo pouted a little but let it go, it wasn't like he wanted to be yelled at, but it didn't feel right for them to not even fight playfully? He huffed and set another dozen or so into the basket and gave Raph a little shoulder pat, "I'm gonna go wait outside okay? Make sure Sunny ain't found any trouble." Raph just nodded, seemly he was almost done, the basket was already full but he was still looking for a few more things.

Leo stepped outside, a few people had paused to eye his horse, ones that pretty were usually pretty expensive so it made sense people would look at her. He whistled and she perked up, heading over and lowering one front leg to look like she was bowing, he was pretty proud of teaching her that trick.. Het gave her a few pats and praises and grabbed his bag off her side, reaching and getting out a sugar cube, "There we are, I knew I had one left in here. Whos a good girl? Hm?" "She sure is-" Leo turned around to see another yokai approach him, he hadn't seen this guy around but he sure looked familiar..? "Never seen one that well behaved before.. Your horse must've cost a pretty penny but you don't look the fancy type?" Was.. Was this guy saying he looked poor..? "Sunny here ain't no ones horse-" He joked, giving her a few more pats, "Ain't that right Sunshine? You don't belong to no man huh?" She flapped her lips blowing out a huff as she shook her head, turning to nudge Leo. He just laughed a little louder, "Yes mam, you're as free as the breeze ain't cha? You just follow me home for the treats huh?" The stranger smiled a little, he took half a step closer then stopped, "Is it alright if I pet her? Think she'll let me keep my hands?" Leo just shrugged like he wasn't sure but quickly nodded, "I'm just messin- Yeah you can pet her, she loves the attention don't worry." He nodded and stepped closer again, getting into her line of sight and carefully approaching. Leo took a step back and watched in the interaction, whoever this guy was he seemed to know a lot about horses with a temper, and she seemed to like him well enough.. He took his hat off setting is on his saddle to feel the coming breeze. Sunshine turned to look at him before turning back to the stranger and biting the brim of his hat, lifting it off his head and turning to put it on Leo. The yokai was a bit shorter than Leo, and without the hat long white ears fell on either side of his head, it was a rabbit yokai- Kinda cute actually... Not many of those in such hot and dry places like this town. Their eyes met for a moment before Leo realized he was staring at the stranger, "Ah- Sorry 'bout that, she got that lil trick from my little brother-" He took the hat back off and gently set it back on the guys head, "Think that mean's she likes ya heheh- Uh- Say stranger.. You got a name to go with that face?"

"Y-Yeah, sorry, where are my manners.. I'm Yuichi. Yuichi Usagi." Leo stuck his good arm out to shake his hand, "Leo. Leonardo Hamato. Pleased to meet cha."

"Hamato..? Like.. The Hamato brothers?" Leo perked up a little, "Oh? We got a name 'round here or somethin'..?" Yuichi shook his head, "No no, just.. You guys were a big thing back home, everyone in my village knew about you guys savin' people. Didn't expect to find you all the way out here is all." Leo looked a little confused, it'd been a handful of years before he'd done anything heroic.. But people still talked about them? That was kind of cool… Raph came out of the store and started putting his stuff away in the pouches strapped to his saddle. "Well Yuichi, it was a pleasure meeting' you. Not sure how long you plan to be here but if you need anythin' we live just down the road here up on brasshill." He picked his bag back up fastening it and hopping up. Yuichi looked surprised, "Wait- Brasshill? I'm stayin' with my auntie who lives on that road. She's also a rabbit. Leo gasped, "You're related to Nonanoka??? Dude! She's the best! Oh y'all gotta come over sometime then, we'll have a nice get together, tell her Leon's got somethin for her when you see her alright? Shes got our line if you ever need us." Yuichi nodded a little and gave them a little wave as they headed off towards the end of town, fixing the hat on his head and stuffing his ears back into it to get them out of the way.

Once they were back home Raph carried everything inside while Leo took the horses back to their stables, then headed inside once they were back safe. He opened the door being met with Mikey coming down the stairs, he must've heard Raph come in and wanted to see what all they got. "Heya mike" He said giving his hat a little wave before he hung it up, "Leoooo! You're back already??"

"Yeah, Raphie was in a bit of a rush I guess, he never likes to take long you know that" Mikey nodded a little and gave Leo a quick hug, "Well when you get everythin' put away I wanna go for a ride too!" Leo gave Mikey's shell a little pat, "As long as the suns out and Raphie don't mind stayin' with Don. I think he can be bribed though" He gave Mikey a little wink and moved his head to gesture to the kitchen where Raph was emptying the two big bags of food. Mikey peeked past Leo to see the fruit basket on the table now full of lemons and oranges. His eyes lit up as he got an idea, by now Leo was pretty good at getting Mikey to have ideas he thinks are original despite Leo being the one to plant the idea in his head. Mikey slowly walked into the kitchen with his hands behind his back as if he was hiding something, "Heya Raphie, how was the store? Y'all have a good time?" Raph glanced over to him and shrugged, "As good as going into town gets I guess, Leo made a friend I think, the nephew of nona-"

"Nonanoka has relatives in the sates? I thought she said all her family was back in Japan??"

"Must be vistin' or somethin, seemed nice enough tho.." Mikey scooted over climbing onto Raph's back to peer over his shoulder, "Ooooo, we outta bake nona somethin' maybe a pie? We do have a buncha apples now…"

"That's a good idea Mike" Leo said as he sat at the table, he reached for his satchel but then it moved- Everyone's eyes turned to look at the bag, "That- Wasn't just me right?" Leo asked hesitantly, both Raph and Mikey shook their heads as they watched the bag. Leo felt an odd sense, it wasn't dread, he didn't get a bad feeling, but something was making his anxiety go off the charts- He took a deep breath and slowly opened the bag,

"Mew!"

Leos eyes widened as a small kitten, maybe the size of Leos hand, wobbled out of his bag. It was orange with lighter colored stripes. It looked up at Leo and mewed again, tilting its head a little and glancing around to the others. Raphs eyes grew at least ten times seeing that little cat look his way, "Leo- How in the- Where do you even get a cat??"

"I didn't?? I don't- I didn't go anywhere-!" He slowly reached his hand out and pet the cat, it leaned into his hand starting to purr, "I mean I set my bag down to say hi to the new guy- Maybe this lil guy smelled somethin sweet and snuck in..? There are a few strays in that town…"

"Well- Put it back-!"

"Raph!! I'm surprised at you! Look at this sweet lil thing-" Mikey carefully picked the cat up to inspect it after getting off Raph's back, "Hey there lil one, you hitched a ride with the right guy, we'll take good care a' you.." Raph sighed a little, he was too tired for this and knew it was a loosing argument trying to talk them out of keeping the cat. "If we keep her we'll need to go stock up on food, and a bed, and a litter box n litter and a collar- It's a lot of work and on top of runnin' the farm and all out other animals-"

"Her?" Leo asked, Raph nodded, "Yeah can't ya tell she's a girl? She's a month old, maybe a month n a half- What? Why are y'all lookin' at me like that-? I like animals alright? Just- Make sure she don't get outside before we get a collar on her… I'm gonna go bring Dee some food before I start cleanin' up for the night." Leo nodded and looked back at the kitten, "She's so cute- How'd a miss somethin' that sweet sneakin' into my bag hahah.. She's gonna need a name too... Hmm" Mikey set her back on the table, "Let's see... Pumpkin? Cause she's orange? Or... Cinnamon?" "That might be a good name for a horse but she's a much lighter orange.. This lil lady needs a real good name.." "Maybe a snack will help us come up with somethin good! I've been cravin a toasted PB&J, you want one?" Leo chuckled as he was playing with the kitten, "Yeah, make it two if ya would" "Yessir! You want strawberry, marmalade or elderberry jam?" Leo perked up a little, "Wait, say that again.." "Uh.. You want strawberry, marmalade or elderberry jam?" "Marmalade..?" He looked over at the open cabinet, the jar Mikey pulled was filled with a light orange color, he looked back down the to cat, "Marmalade?" She tilted her head a little, it got her attention it seems. "So that's the one you want? ...Leo..? Leeoooo?" He snapped back to reality (ope there goes gravity) and nodded. "Yeah.. I think that's perfect."

[daydream-believin]

The Never-Ending Roadtrip (waffles)

summary: (part 1) or (part 5) <- reader joins douxie on his quest to protect nari. he’ll need company wont he. (part 6) do you like waffles? also appalachia and nj trollmarket fun. next-> (part 7)

warnings: swearing, fem! reader, maybe an alcohol mention, proof reading is for squares yo

word count: 3875

a/n: i’m sorry to anyone from PA but wtf. i also have no idea why this turned out the way it did. bon apetit.

no gif im trying to test something

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Y/n looked over at Douxie. The blue of his hair was starting to fade into a duller hue. While not as bright and bold as his personality, it was still very nice to look at. This muted blue was softer, almost comforting in a way. Y/n found herself running her fingers through it. It wasn’t just the color that was soft. Like feathers in her hand, she gently caressed the strands. The duller color made him look tired, older, and the permanent bags under his eyes didn’t help. She placed her hand on his face and ran her thumb over a said eye bag. He gave her a very subdued smile in return. His sunken eyes were so beautiful. Her favorite color. Or colors, one should say. They were like an earth toned opal. Y/n’s hand drifted down his face. She used her thumb to explore his cheekbones, tracing constellations in his freckles, and finally settled on his mouth, tracing his cupid’s bow. Douxie couldn’t help but break the stoic face he was trying to hold.

“As much as I hate to ask this, and I really do, but will you please cease what you’re doing, My Love. I’m trying to drive here.”

“Yes, I would also like to ask you to stop, miss L/n. Not wrecking the ship is worth you canning your pda for a while.” Archie added.

Y/n pulled her hand back and exaggeratedly pouted. She teasingly stuck her tongue out at Archie for good measure, but couldn’t help but dissolve into a snicker right after so it wasn’t very effective. But really, it wasn’t her fault that Douxie’s beautifully sculpted face was right there and demanding to be touched. She tried to distract herself by focusing on the scenery around them. North Pennsylvania was delightful, so it’d be a shame if she spent the whole time that they flew through it looking at nothing but Douxie. There was plenty of time for her to do that the rest of her life. It’s not like she didn’t have every freckle memorized already. Every single adorable little dot. Right, Pennsylvania. Appalachia. Y/n was a little disappointed they didn’t manage to go through West Virginia, being as north as they were. She really wanted to know what all the fuss was about. Country roads.

The mountains were hard to transverse through, so Douxie took the boat up high in the clouds. A little too high. The oxygen was thin. While this didn’t affect Archie the dragon or Nari the plant goddess, Douxie and Y/n were getting a bit woozy. Neither would get altitude sickness to the point of dying, thanks to that good ol’ curse of immortality, but their minds weren’t exactly operating at high speeds here. They passed through a low hanging cloud in a puff of fog.

Though they were over it, just being in the range of Appalachia felt odd. There was a presence that clung to the mountains. Even flying high up in the air, one felt as though they were being watched. Like the thousand eyes of the forest were upon them. Looking down below, hanging over the edge like Douxie hated her to do, Y/n saw a herd of deer that might as well be ants. Watching over the herd was a bigger, or maybe closer, stag on a peak of some sort. His antlers were covered in crimson. Y/n hoped he was just shedding.

There were pathways cutting through the trees below, some roads, some manmade trails, some rivers, some troll trails, and some deer trails. Some that wound around in endless curves, some that seemed to start from nowhere and stop at nothing, some that went round and round in a circle, and some that crossed over each other, effectively creating a maze of sorts. Y/n didn’t know why, but she was glad she was above the trees and not in them. Something within her gut told her that as beautiful as the scenery was, she did not wish to experience it first-hand. The deer below were beautiful, but there was something not quite right about them. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to turn down a game of ninepins either, and she could really go for a drink.

Douxie’s brain may have been foggy, but he could certainly see Y/n hanging over the edge again, tantalizing him. He couldn’t help but imagine 174 ways for it to end badly. He’d been pretty passive about this before but now that they were so high up, he had no choice but to be up front now.

“Y/n, My Love,” Y/n turned her attention to him, which also pulled her weight more towards the boat than the sky. Good. “do you mind being back near the center of the ship? I really don’t like you draping yourself over the railing like that.”

Y/n was getting sick and tired of people always trying to keep her away from edges, advising her not to climb the mountain, telling her to stay inside when there was only a light rainstorm. She could handle it. She wasn’t a fucking porcelain doll. She was not wearing a fancy gown that suffocated her, she could speak, her lips were not perfectly painted on. And she wouldn’t shatter. “Relax, Dewdrop. I’m fine. I’m not just gonna go skydiving for kicks. If anyone has had a penchant for falling through the sky recently, it’s been you, Hisirdoux. I can catch myself with anti-gravity spells, like you taught me. Besides, we walk across tall, crumbly, ancient non-osha compliant walkways all the time. You never had a problem then.”

“Well,” He huffed, “it would be one thing if I was there next to you, but I’m not, so could you please just try to stay safe when I can’t reach you?” Y/n was taken about at how quick his tone went from annoyed to desperate. She furrowed her brows. Doux sighed, “Look, it frightens me, okay. I know that nothing will happen, but what if it does? I can’t- I can’t lose you.” His tone got even feebler in his pleading. “And there’s so many ways to lose you. Especially with the Order on our tails. Please, just give me this peace of mind for at least one thing.”

Y/n stepped away from the railing, crossing over to Douxie. He opened his arm and she nestled into his side. Pressing her head against his chest, she mumbled, “Absolutely. I’ll just—I’ll just stay here then. Next to you. I’m sorry I worried you. That was the last thing I wanted to do.”

He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Thank you, My Darling.”

~ ~ ~

The dipped down south to go through the top of Maryland and completely through Delaware to get to the south of New Jersey, in place of just going through Philadelphia. The city of brotherly love was not on the itinerary.  Philly, and the top of New Jersey, were just too densely populated to take a magic boat through. The airspace was filled with airplanes and skyscrapers. It was easier to go the roundabout way.

As they passed between Philly and Lancaster, they went by fantastically named towns such as Paradise the city, where the girls are pretty, Bird In Hand, Blue Ball, and Intercourse. Stellar. Y/n was starting to really like Pennsylvania. It was cursed ground. She made sure to get photographic evidence of every road sign. Douxie was happy to pose with them.

They took a pit stop in a town called Peach Bottom before leaving Pennsylvania. Y/n wanted to go through New Texas, since she was curious how somewhere in the original colonies could be a new Texas, but Nari could sense a river nearby, and wanted to seek it out. Peach Bottom. It was a cozy little town with a power plant that was dumping it’s waste into the riverside it was built on. Toxic river. Fun. Y/n made Douxie explain to Nari why she couldn’t get near the river or touch any of the water. Y/n wouldn’t have been able to stay as calm as Douxie could. There was nothing happening in the rural Pennsylvanian town. Nothing special about it unless you counted their countless nuclear admissions. The locals didn’t care for strangers, and that was alright with them cause they didn’t want to be here for any more than necessary for a restroom break. Dinner could wait.

The top of Maryland was great. Lots of rivers to make it up to Nari. There was just, an incredibly large walmart near the line. Just absolutely humongous whopper walmart. A leach whose name doesn’t even deserve to be capitalized, thank you very much autocorrect.

It took less than half an hour to fly right through the top of Delaware. Hi Delaware, bye Delaware.

Soon they were on the coast of south New Jersey, headed for a sleepy town called Monty. Monty was a town along the Cohansey, split across it with quite an impressive bridge between the two sides. As soon as the bridge became visible on the skyline, Y/n grabbed Douxie’s sleeve and tugged excitedly. She looked up at him with a big smile. Rest. At last, they were going to get to rest. Y/n made herself busy calling Jim to let him know that they were there so he could call someone else to let them know that they were there and to wait by the entrance for them. Neither Douxie nor Y/n had a horngazzle on them at the moment. Y/n had had one in her possession back in Arcadia, being book club buddies with Blinky, but alas that was destroyed along with their bookstore.

They hid that damn magic boat in the forest. While they did plan on staying with the trolls for a few weeks, Douxie didn’t put it back in its glass bottle quite yet, cause they were in fact taking it into New York not tomorrow but the next day. He covered the ground around it with a few more wards than necessary. Y/n threw up an illusion spell around it, as she had been all the other times they’d just left it in the woods, and thought the wards were overkill but didn’t say anything. They started on the trek to the base of the bridge.

The troll at the entrance greeted them cordially. He was a dark green color, with two massive horns resembling those of a longhorn cow, chiseled stone tattoos, and no clothes other than a tiny loincloth which made everyone but Nari uncomfortable. He let them in with flourish, as if he’d always wanted to do this and practiced it.

“Welcome to NEW JERSEY TROLLMARKET.”

Y/n was surprised at how well the town had come along within the two months the trolls had occupied the cavern. It wasn’t the Trollmarket she had known, there was no Blinky and no library, but still marvelous. The new hearthstone glowed warmly, very much alive and not making zombies. While looking pretty similar to the old Trollmarket, with a multitude of shops and homes carved into the mineral covered walls and formations, there was a sort of human touch to it now. Claire definitely had a hand in the planning and maybe the decorative features too. Or perhaps Jim. Y/n wouldn’t put it past the boy to be the one who designed the very elaborate crystal art flower bed she was looking at. Or that weirdly steampunk bridge. Funny thing, a bridge under a bridge.

Dictatious met them soon after they came in to show them around and to where they would be staying. The tour he gave them basically just included him walking them through the main street, waving his arms to various places and vaguely saying that they were shops but not what they sold, pointing out the pub, and then took them straight to their accommodations. Since the home that had been occupied by Blinky, Jim, and Claire was now empty, they’d be staying there, with the place practically to themselves. Dictatious also lived in said home, but rarely stuck around it for long now that his brother was gone.

“Alright, here’s your nest.”

Since Dictatious still slept in the nest that he shared with Blinky, he had given them Jim and Claire’s. The nests were just rocky bowls carved into the floor of the room, with a few comfort items. Thankfully, Jim and Claire had left theirs full of pillows and a couple thick cushions they must have taken from a couch. Unconventional, but better than sleeping on literal solid rock. Speaking of couches, there were way too many couches spread across the apartment. This entire place only had two rooms, a large living area and a nestroom, and yet there were five couches. Not to mention the extra-large easy chair Dic was currently lounging in. Okay, so one of said couches was technically a love seat, but still. There was no kitchen, which was surprising due to this being Jim Lake Jr’s home, and no table besides the one that three of the sofas were gathered around and a paper-covered work desk against a corner. There were glowing crystal lamps all throughout, lighting the house. All in all, interesting interior design decisions. The kids had definitely been trying to make it a more homey human dwelling but had limited options.

Nari nestled into the nest, happy that there were no blankets to smother her. Not even a minute passed and she was out like a light. Douxie and Y/n sat on one of the couches in the nestroom, watching the veggie lady snooze. Archie made himself comfy in Douxie’s lap, who absent mindedly stroked his familiar’s fur. They were underground now. Surrounded by inorganic matter. Some of that inorganic matter could fight, would be willing to fight, would probably be disappointed if there wasn’t a fight. The little devil on Douxie’s shoulder wasn’t really having to work hard. His stomach growled. They had opted to just not stop for dinner in favor of plowing right through their trip route. It was late, and dark, and Douxie really just wanted them to have a roof over their head before midnight. And now they did.

He looked over at Y/n. They had been a couple for an entire day now and he had yet to take her on a proper date. What a bad boyfriend he was. It’s not like Archie would want to come with them or anything either, since he filled himself with birds that didn’t know what hit them while they traveled. The dragon had even caught a hawk at one point, which wasn’t as impressive as it sounds, since Archie was a much faster flyer. He would be happy to watch Nari for them, surely. And Dic had given them a horngazzle so they could come and go as they pleased. It was settled then.

“Arch, watch Nari for us, please, we’ll be back in a pinch,” He grabbed Y/n’s hand to pull her off the couch, “C’mon, My Love, we’re going on a date.”

~ ~ ~

Turns out the only thing open past midnight in small town New Jersey was a waffle house. The perfect date. Y/n had thought it funny to watch Douxie try and deactivate all the fresh wards he had put around the boat. He had to be careful where he put his feet, and it was like he was doing a silly little dance. Ward trap ballet of his own barely thought-out design. At one point he stepped backwards to admire his work, triggering the ward behind him, and Y/n had to free him from the net. Lucky it was just a net one.

Entering the waffle house, they slid into the nearest booth, the one near the jukebox. They ordered what else but waffles. The food of kings and hungover college kids. Not just plain waffles, though. Douxie got chocolate chip and Y/ got strawberry, and they were going to combine them to make chocolate covered strawberry waffles. Everyone knows chocolate covered strawberries were the most romantic food, why else would they push them so hard around Valentine’s.

Douxie leaned in with his head in his hand. “So, tell me about yourself.”

Y/n laughed, decided to play into this bit. “Oh, I’m just a California lass, on her way to New York. Things have been crazy lately. Went to a very convincing renaissance faire, I’m harboring a fugitive, my roommate keeps hitting on me. Very stressful.  Sure am lucky I came across you, Mr. Handsome.”

“Lucky indeed.” Doux snickered.

Y/n pointed to the jukebox behind Doux, which he twisted around to see. “Have you ever heard ‘Last Night I Saw Elvis At Waffle House’?”

“No?”

“Oh, it’s a banger.” She got out of the booth and put a coin in the juke, making her selection. She slid back in with a Cheshire cat grin and Doux was kind of scared now, actually. As the current song ended and the song that they were waiting for began. Well, it was a song. About seeing Elvis in a waffle house. With a country tune he supposed someone thought was catchy in order for them to have recorded this. Douxie didn’t know what he had expected.

“Uh, wow.”

“Yeah, Ain’t it something. I loved this song when I was knee high to a grasshopper. All the waffle house jams really.”

“Your aunt let someone bring you to a waffle house? That’s not very proper.” Douxie chuckled.

“Oh, no, actually. Um, this was before my dad passed and my mother, ah, slipped.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Douxie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I mentioned it.”

“No, no. I’m fine Dewdrop. I can talk about it, really. And, like you said the other day, I’ve been focusing on the Now Love.” The silly waffle house themed song was still playing despite the air of seriousness that had fallen over the duo. It helped keep Y/n from getting too sad and dwelling on the memories she had just brought up. It was comical, really. A waffle house song keeping her grounded. She rubbed the palm of Douxie’s hand. “I still mourn my family, but it’s been so long that the pain’s but a dull ache now. As long as I don’t think too hard about it. If anyone knows about mourning it’d be you, Doux. I can’t imagine meeting hundreds of friends over my lifetime just to watch them all grow old and die while you just have to go on living.” She paused, eyes drifting downwards, “But I suppose that’ll be my fate anyways.”

Douxie reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s actually not that bad, once you get used to it. You just have to enjoy every bit of time you get. That’s what makes other magic friends so valuable, there are some permanent players on your team.” He let his hand linger under her jaw, pulling her face closer to his, “You have me. We have each other. We’re family. We always have been.”

“So I hate to interrupt, but, waffles.” The server put the plates she had been holding down onto the table. Douxie and Y/n pulled away from each other quick as lightning, sitting up straight in their seats. “Again, sorry guys.”

“Thank you.” The two chorused to their fleeting form in embarrassment. Their faces were fire engine red. Archie was right, they did get a little carried away with the pda. It may have been 12:28am in a waffle house but they were still in public. Grabby hands needed to be kept to themselves.

After dinner, neither Doux nor Y/n could bring themselves to go home quite yet, despite the nagging feeling to return to Nari. They loitered around woods, unsure of what to do. Leaning against the parked boat, Douxie got an idea. He put on the music on his phone, turning the volume all the way up and positioning it so it’d put out a better sound the best he could. The playlist he selected was actually the one he had of songs that reminded him of his beloved. Copying what Y/n had done last night, he held out his hand.

“Come on, dance with me, My Darling.”

Douxie twirled Y/n around in the night breeze that blew through the trees. This song was much faster than the one they danced to last time, and there was more energy between them. Y/n’s laugh echoed through the forest. This was a lot of fun, she could do it all night. Honestly, she could do anything all night if it was with Douxie. He lifted her up, like she weighed nothing. Seriously, how strong was this noodle armed wizard. She threw her arms around his neck, looking down to meet his eyes, a rare thing. Y/n kissed his nose, eliciting a happy giggle from his mouth.

He should have put her back down by now. Instead, he still held her up, transfixed by her face ringed in moonlight, like a halo. She noticed the awestruck look on his face, kissing him properly, yet it did nothing to pull him out of his stupor. He had one thought running over and over in his mind. Marry me. But, he couldn’t say that. A proposal had to be special, not after a waffle house date. Their first date, mind you. He couldn’t possibly jus-

“Marry me, Dewdrop?”

Well apparently he couldn’t but she absolutely could.

It took him a moment to take in her words, shocked out of his overthinking. The biggest grin spread across his face as he giddily spun her around in his arms. He finally put her feet back on the ground, crashing his lips into hers. Y/n brought a hand up to drag through his hair and left the other to slide down his back. No battle for dominance, Douxie’s tongue was definitely the one leading here. He just couldn’t believe it. It was if she had read his mind. It was still hard for him to believe she wanted him in the first place, but this much? If this was the afterlife he must surely be in heaven. One makeout session later, Y/n rasped “So I’m guessing that’s a yes?”

“Let’s sign the papers tomorrow.”

~ ~ ~

Despite the uneasy feeling they had both had about leaving Nari alone for so long, she was perfectly fine. In fact she hadn’t even moved an inch form the spot they left her in. Like they never left at all. Archie was asleep on that couch, as peaceful as ever. They’d tell him the news in the morning.

Y/n climbed into the nest and dragged Douxie down with her. After getting comfy on the array of cushions, he opened his arms and she nestled into his chest. She could feel his hands rest on her back. Perfect. It was calming, listening to his heartbeat, being lulled to sleep with the rhythm that gave proof that her beloved was alive. A steady beat that reassured her he was there, he was there. He wouldn’t leave her again.

*** check notes for chapter illustrations lmao

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Hey cookie, how are you feeling? Is everything alright?

Hi! I am ~awful~ just absolutely ~wretched~ thank you for asking! 

my mom decided to blow up at me over the STUPIDEST thing ever last night, and then proceeded to ignore me for the entire day today, refused to acknowledge me at all. I finally left at a little after 6pm because I couldn’t take it anymore, drive around for a while which was a Mistake bc I was mostly crying. Luckily I live in the middle of nowhere and the roads are flat, and I was being careful. Meanwhile I was having a Hella Depression Spiral as I am wont to do, convinced my family hates me. Passive suicidal curiosity about the afterlife quickly became active ideation which is... Uncomfortable. I’ve never been actively suicidal before (no history of self harm, either, I’d depressed but not that kind of depressed) and I think it was mostly intrusive thoughts, but I did think about checking myself into overnight inpatient care, if only because I didn’t want to go home. And also I’ve been researching into it for a fic, so it’s been on my mind. Doesn’t matter though; the cost alone would have stopped me, even if there was a place I could go. With all the COVID business and me being in a small town, there isn’t anywhere for me to check myself into. But I wouldn't have anyway; I’ve always dealt with my own problems before. 

After the sun went down I headed back into town, parked in an empty parking lot in what was previously the busiest part of my city, and texted my best friend while blasting music and sobbing. Fun times. My dad finally texted me after 2 hours to ask where I was (I intentionally turned off my location) and when I would be home, and that is the first thing anyone in my family has said to me all day. 

Briefly contemplated driving across the country, from California to Minnesota, to stay with said best friend for a while. I figure I could do it; Mama, for all her faults, didn’t raise a fool. I keep a go bag in my car with anything I would need for unexpected emergencies, and I tend to keep light camping/hiking gear as well for when the mood strikes. I figured I could probably make it to Minnesota in about 2 days, if I stopped overnight to crash in a camp site, which would cut out the cost of a hotel. (Tricky, because in a lot of places you have to be 21 to get a hotel at all, and I’m only 19) Ultimately, despite my very well thought-out plan for how I would get to Minnesota, change to a Minnesotan real estate license, and get established there, I decided not to. I don’t actually want to run away. I just want my mom to stop pushing me away. 

After my dad texted I figured I’d give it another hour or so before I went home, at which point I went and got some dinner, and ended up being gone for about 3 hours or so. When I walked in the door? Nothing. No greeting, no where have you been? No acknowledgment of any kind. Great. Clearly they didn’t have any kind of self reflection whilst I’ve been having my break down. I don’t know why I would expect any different. 

Anyway I finally tried to talk to mom and she just. Got up and left. So that’s nice. And oh, look, clearly I’m not all cried out yet! iIm an awful child, my mom hates me, time to go cry even more. This time dad does come to check on me, tells me he talked to mom while I was gone, and that basically the only way I’m going to fix this is if I apologize for a completely made up slight that my mom thinks I committed. And dad knows I didn’t, because he was there too. But mom is on the warpath for whatever reason, and she’s not going to get over it until I apologize. Which, the sheer injustice and unfairness of the situation just made me break down even MORE. Before, it was some gentle crying, you know, some tears rolling down the cheeks. But now it was full Monty gasping, wracking, painful sobs, the kind of cry I only have once a year or so. 

For over an hour. 

Dad eventually leaves me alone, I’ve got my dog who really doesn’t want to be there, but I don’t want to be there either, so tough. I hear mom come back out a while later and she can definitely hear me crying, the walls are thin and I’m not being quiet, and she. does. nothing. Just resumes business as normal, playing WoW with dad, talking like everything is fine. 

And finally, a little while ago, once I’d finally managed to calm down again, dad came in to talk to me. So I’m feeling better now, and I’ve since taken a shower and done some stuff to relax. But it’s been a hell of a fucking day, and part of me really does feel like jumping off a bridge, still. Not in a serious Im suicidal kind of way, more of an I have literally nowhere to go because I have no friends and I have no money and no other way to get away from here kind of way (: 

So yeah. I am not very okay right now. Social isolation doesn’t play well with depression, especially when you’re isolated as it is, and especially when your family decides to isolate you even more. 

[himbosims]

The Simself Challenge? Is that what this is called? I have no idea. . .

The challenge is basically to make a simself then answer a fuck ton of question so here we are. Thanks @willowbomb and @sim-borg for tagging me. I’ll tag: whoever wants to do this because idk who hasn't done this yet

1. WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME? Taylor

2. WHAT IS YOUR NICKNAME? My childhood nickname was Tot. My friends call me d*ke and slut though so hey

3. BIRTHDAY? July 23, 2001

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK SERIES? Series definitely The Mortal Instruments or the Infernal Artifacts by Cassandra Clare

5. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ALIENS OR GHOSTS? Both i think, definitely aliens. I don't fuck with ghosts and all that because I don't want to die

6. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR? Right now my favs are Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli

7. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE RADIO STATION? Where I live we have five stations, one that plays music from the 30’s all the time, three country, and one that says it plays pop but ends up playing country anyways. So, none.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF ANYTHING? Idk man, thats a loaded question. Probably vanilla

9. WHAT WORD WOULD YOU USE OFTEN TO DESCRIBE SOMETHING GREAT OR WONDERFUL? ??? lit… idk dude I was trying to think of something that's weird but I can't think of anything

10. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE SONG? Be My Mistake by The 1975 or Not Warriors by Waterparks

11. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE WORD? Serious answer, lunacy (there's a reason its my username) not as serious, I just heard someone outside yell for the chillin’s and I started laughing because that word is great

12. WHAT WAS THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?  I’m currently listening to From Eden by Hozier

13. WHAT TV SHOW WOULD YOU RECOMMEND FOR EVERYBODY TO WATCH? Shameless, Glee, Shadowhunters, Grey’s. I could go on.

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE TO WATCH WHEN YOU’RE FEELING DOWN?Love, Simon, Call Me By Your Name, or The Perks of Being a Wallflower

15. DO YOU PLAY VIDEO GAMES? Obviously

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? Spiders and needles

17. WHAT IS YOUR BEST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? nothing

18. WHAT IS YOUR WORST QUALITY, IN YOUR OPINION? Everything, in seriousness, my selfishness or narcissism,  

19. DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS BETTER? Cats are my favorites but dogs are cool

20. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? fall

21. ARE YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP? Never have been

22. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU MISS FROM YOUR CHILDHOOD? NOT AS MUCH STRESS

23. WHO IS YOUR BEST FRIEND? Irl- my friend EJ. Online- @hallowiamshebsims

24. WHAT IS YOUR EYE COLOR? Green

25. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? brown

26. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE? Read 23

27. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU TRUST? Read 23

28. WHO IS SOMEONE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? Read 23

29. ARE YOU CURRENTLY EXCITED ABOUT/FOR SOMETHING? I don't remember the last time I was excited for something

30. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST OBSESSION? Writing I think

31. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW AS A CHILD? Hannah Montana, Ned Declassified, Drake and Josh, Flapjack, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Chowder, Rugrats. I'm a true early Gen Z kid

32. WHO OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER CAN YOU TELL ANYTHING TO, IF ANYONE? My girl best friend, I dont tell him everything because i'm a secretive bitch

33. ARE YOU SUPERSTITIOUS? Nah

34. DO YOU HAVE ANY UNUSUAL PHOBIAS? Read 16

35. DO YOU PREFER TO BE IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND IT? Both

36. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOBBY? Writing, reading, creating imaginary worlds to live in

37. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? I am almost done with History Is All You Left me by Adam Silvera and oh boy that book

38. WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Paranorman: “You’re gonna love my boyfriend, he’s like a total chick flick nut.”

39. WHAT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? N/A

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ANIMAL? Cats

41. WHAT ARE YOUR TOP 5 FAVORITE TUMBLR BLOGS THAT YOU FOLLOW? @hallowiamshebsims @simmerberlin @willowbomb @pollinationqueen @gunthermnch

42. WHAT SUPERPOWER DO YOU WISH YOU HAD? The ability to always have the money to pay for things

43. WHEN AND WHERE DO YOU FEEL MOST AT PEACE? My room probably

44. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE? People falling down, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJq4jWSQNd

45. WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY, IF ANY? That’s cute

46. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE DRINK? Coffee

47. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WROTE A HAND-WRITTEN LETTER OR NOTE TO SOMEBODY? I have two teachers that are really weird about phones and talking in class so we pass notes instead

48. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? Nah

49. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? LOUD EATERS

50. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A CONCERT? I went to a christian concert when I was like 5 so there's that

51. ARE YOU VEGAN/VEGETARIAN? Nope, I live in the south how do you expect me to not eat meat

52. WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE, WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? Teacher since I live in the south and that's the only jobs beside retail or waitress in my town

53. WHAT FICTIONAL WORLD WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE IN? The Shadow World, but I wanna be a warlock, not a dumb shadowhunter lol

54. WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WORRY ABOUT? Everything

55. ARE YOU SCARED OF THE DARK? I’m afraid of what's in the dark, which is a hard ass way to say yes

56. DO YOU LIKE TO SING? All the time but im tone deaf so its bad

57. HAVE YOU EVER SKIPPED SCHOOL? If I was sick, yeah. Other than that, I did twice. Once because I had a really bad panic attack right before the bus got to my house and I called my mom claiming I was really sick, and once a few weeks ago because my dog got sprayed by a skunk therefore making me smell like a skunk

58. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE ON THE PLANET? uhhhhhhh

59. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? New York City, LA, San Francisco, Toronto, Portland, London. Any big city to be honest

60. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A dog and three cats

61. ARE YOU MORE OF AN EARLY BIRD OR A NIGHT OWL? Both. I sometimes stay up super late and sometimes i'm up really early. And if I can actually force myself out of bed I can get a lot done in either of those times

62. DO YOU LIKE SUNRISES OR SUNSETS BETTER? Sunrises

63. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DRIVE? Yeah but im gay so its not good driving l

64. DO YOU PREFER EARBUDS OR HEADPHONES? Everything that wont break in a week

65. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Nah

66. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? I don't really have a favorite, I listen to all kinds of stuff

67. WHO IS YOUR HERO? Uhhhhh, Deadpool, or Spiderman

68. DO YOU READ COMIC BOOKS? Nope

69. WHAT MAKES YOU THE MOST ANGRY? It takes a lot to make me angry but when im angry it's bad and I forget what i do when i was angry so i don't really know

70. DO YOU PREFER TO READ ON AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE OR WITH A REAL BOOK? Real

71. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? English and Creative Writing

72. DO YOU HAVE ANY SIBLINGS? Younger sister, younger step brother

73. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A starbucks coffee last night

74. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5’7 or something

75. CAN YOU COOK? Depends on what i'm cooking

76. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU LOVE? Books, music, friends

77. WHAT ARE THREE THINGS THAT YOU HATE? Racists, homophobes, sexists- so basically most the people in my town (hell what am i kidding, this side of the Mason-Dixon line)

78. DO YOU HAVE MORE FEMALE FRIENDS OR MORE MALE FRIENDS? One of each

79. WHAT IS YOUR SEXUAL ORIENTATION? I am on the ace spectrum and I am panromantic

80. WHERE DO YOU CURRENTLY LIVE? ‘Merica the brave

81. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TEXTED? Sheb

82. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Like, yesterday

83. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE YOUTUBER? CallMeKevin RTGame The Shane Dawson squad

84. DO YOU LIKE TO TAKE SELFIES? sometimes

85. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE APP?I guess this hell site

86. WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENT(S) LIKE?My mom and I are kinda close, i don't really talk to my dad much (even though I live with him half the week)

87. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOREIGN ACCENT? Aussie, British, Scottish, Irish… all of them

88. WHAT IS A PLACE THAT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO, BUT YOU WANT TO VISIT? Everywhere that’s not my state and the ones touching it

89. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 23

90. CAN YOU JUGGLE? notta

91. ARE YOU RELIGIOUS? Yes, but not crazy religious. I just believe in fate and that there is some type of higher power

92. DO YOU FIND OUTER SPACE OF THE DEEP OCEAN TO BE MORE INTERESTING? Nasa bitch

93. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF TO BE A DAREDEVIL? I have an issue with adrenaline. As in, although i am an anxious person with too much adrenaline anyways I like to do things that give me a rush of adrenaline

94. ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO ANYTHING? I can't have my eyes pierced because I'm allergic to metal in the sense of having it in my body

95. CAN YOU CURL YOUR TONGUE? Yep

96. CAN YOU WIGGLE YOUR EARS? Nope

97. HOW OFTEN DO YOU ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT SOMETHING? Next question

98. DO YOU PREFER THE FOREST OR THE BEACH? I mean netiehr, but i'm not a huge fan of sand

99. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIECE OF ADVICE THAT ANYONE HAS EVER GIVEN YOU? You’ve made it through your worst day before, you can do it again

100. ARE YOU A GOOD LIAR? I think so

101. WHAT IS YOUR HOGWARTS HOUSE? Sytherlin, not surprise

102. DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF? I’m talking to myself right now

103. ARE YOU AN INTROVERT OR AN EXTROVERT? Introvert

104. DO YOU KEEP A JOURNAL/DIARY? Nah, my writing is kind alike my diary

105. DO YOU BELIEVE IN SECOND CHANCES? I give people too many chances

106. IF YOU FOUND A WALLET FULL OF MONEY ON THE GROUND, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Check the ID, maybe take the money and leave it in a bush or something. I don’t know

107. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT PEOPLE ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE? For sure

108. ARE YOU TICKLISH? Please don’t  tickle me

109. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A PLANE? Nope

110. DO YOU HAVE ANY PIERCINGS? Read question 94

111. WHAT FICTIONAL CHARACTER DO YOU WISH WAS REAL? Alec Lightwood or Magnus Bane, but young Alec because I can't be friends with 27 year old Alec

112. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS? Scared of needles, remember?

113. WHAT IS THE BEST DECISION THAT YOU’VE MADE IN YOUR LIFE SO FAR? Doing things for me

114. DO YOU BELIEVE IN KARMA? YES

115. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS? Both

116. DO YOU WANT CHILDREN? Not really but if my future partner wants some i’d be open to talk about it

117. WHO IS THE SMARTEST PERSON YOU KNOW? My ex-best friend. I used to hate how she never had to try to get good grades or be good at things, she just was

118. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MEMORY? All my memories are embarrassing if you look close enough

119. HAVE YOU EVER PULLED AN ALL-NIGHTER? At least twice a month

120. WHAT COLOR ARE MOST OF YOU CLOTHES? Nutruels and black

121. DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES? Sure

122. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON TV? I think I wa son the news once

123. HOW OLD ARE YOU? 17

124. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? I have a lot, “Words have the power to change us.” “perhaps it is because of time that we suffer.” “I remain a work in progress until I die.” “The thing you are most afraid to write, write that.” I could go on

125. DO YOU PREFER SWEET OR SAVORY FOODS? Sweet

[angryandereleon]

Could i please have some context on how Dahlia die. You said she's your fave, and so, straight up telling me probably wont do her justice. Thank you!

((Lets try this again.)) 

So Dahlia’s story is a.. sad one. Dahlia lived alone with her drunk father that would send her to school each day with a new bruise. This was known by everyone, but no one in the small town wanted to make trouble... so no one did anything about it. 

At school, Dahlia was followed around by men like wild dogs. She was meek and couldn’t say no, so they did as they pleased with no consequence. Girls mocked and shunned her for being a “slut”. Dollie was trapped in a cycle of misery. Each night before she went to sleep, she prayed to a god she didn’t believe in for a knight in shining armor. A prince that would save her from her sad life and protect her from all who would harm her. 

That knight came in the form of the school’s trademark “bad boy”, Leon. Often in fights and seldom in class, he couldn’t be farther from Dahlia’s ideal prince. Long hair, painted nails, and an avid smoker. Even so, when he caught her behind the school with a few of the numerous boys that chased her, he did what no one else had. He saved her, fought off all the other guys alone. And while thankful, Dollie was not dumb. Surely, no man would save her without expecting something in return. But when asked, Leon simply said all he wanted in return was help dressing his wounds. 

Leon was different from everyone else. He saw her for who she really was; a sad and lonely little girl. Rumors and misunderstandings followed her everywhere she went.. and she stopped trying to fight them. Yet, he didn’t mind any of it. A friendship was born that day. She’d be bothered by someone, he would save her. He would get into fights, she would take care of his injuries. Slowly, Dollie understood why he understood her so well. He was so much like her. A sad and lonely little boy with a past that haunted him and an accident that wasn’t his fault. Rumors and misunderstandings plagued him, so he stopped trying to impress others and pushed them away. 

Friendship turned to romance within weeks, and Dahlia’s life changed. He gave her a warm embrace and safety from a cruel world. She gave him a kind heart and an understanding smile. They needed each other. Even school began to get better. No one dared to fuck with Leon’s girl, so Dahlia was left alone by the many boys that pursued her.. and even Leon’s reputation got better, since, if he could win the heart of the soft Dollie, he couldn’t be too bad could he? He attended class more and Dollie’s smiles increased. Things were really getting better.

The only thing that did not get better, however, was home. Sure, she could escape for a while in Leon’s car, but she still had to return home each night to an angry father. Even when school got better, that almost made it harder to deal with her abusive father because she finally knew how wonderful life could be without him. As years passed, it became more and more unbearable. She vented to Leon in her small amount of free time. Leon offered his support. He said they could run away, never finish school and just.. disappear. move to another city. State. Country even. Anything to get them away from the troubles they faced. But Dollie was hesitant. What if he came after them? What if he hunted her down? What if she could never escape him? Then... Leon chimed in again.

He suggested they get rid of him. Everyone already knew of his abuse... They could frame it as self-defense. No one would question or blame her, nor would he be missed. Dahlia rejected this immediately. As cruel as he was, she didn’t want him dead... just out of her life. They decided to run away, as Leon previously suggested. If they went far enough, he could never find them. They decided they’d sneak in when he wasn’t there and gather up her few things, then leave without a trace. 

Then, the fateful day came. They decided Leon would go instead of Dollie, just in case her father came back suddenly. Then, he couldn’t hurt her. But neither of them knew.. He’d never left the house at all. As Leon gathered up Dahlia’s things, her father came up behind Leon and attacked him. In a moment of shock, Leon grabbed a nearby bottle and broke it over the man’s head. He stumbled and subsequently fell, his head splitting open as it hit the floor. And right before his eyes, another person lay dead at Leon’s hands. Another accident. 

Leon called Dahlia, and wept. he could barely tell her what happened. She came in shortly after. They gathered up the rest of her things, and cleaned up whatever evidence that Leon and her were there. Afterwords, they left without speaking much to one another. Leon apologized, explained it was just an accident. But Dahlia didn’t believe him. No matter what he said, Dahlia could no longer trust Leon’s words. 

The two rented a hotel room with the use of a fake ID and stayed there. Leon got a job, and Dahlia mostly stayed at the hotel, consumed by her grief and guilt. Nothing Leon said or did helped her. The happy kind girl he grew to love was deteriorating in front of him, and Leon was powerless to help her. Even so, Leon stayed optimistic. He allowed her to lash out, and comforted her when she cried. He was understanding and patient, because above all else, he loved her. 

That’s why when he came back from work and found her completely missing, he was sent into a panic. Where could she go? Where would she go? Leon searched frantically. Checking the hotel, the school, anywhere she might have gone. And then lastly... Leon checked her father’s house. No one had been there to find his body, so he was still there. The house rotted with his stench. Leon could barely breathe.. and yet he still checked. Leon opened the door to her room, and was greeted by Dahlia. 

But it wasn’t her. It was a body.

Sure, it looked like Dahlia, but that wasn’t her. His Dollie was full of life and love. His Dollie’s eyes were alight with wonder and curiosity. His Dollie wanted to live, and be free. His Dollie wanted to be a nurse, to save people. His Dollie was so excited to escape, this couldn’t be her. 

And yet, it was. 

Leon found her note on her bed. It spoke of love and sorrow. A life she didn’t want, and the freedom she wanted to obtain. It spoke of her affection and thankfulness to him, how much she cared for him. But she couldn’t stay with who he had become. She couldn’t live with what he did, and could no longer believe his words. She wished Leon happiness, ad hoped he would finish school and find the fated love he hoped for. She was sorry she couldn’t stay by his side as she promised.

The police determined Dahlia had committed suicide after murdering her father for making her suffer so much abuse. The house was cleaned up and torn down soon after. Leon returned to school, and finished his last year without much issue. Many wondered what truly happened, but no one dared to ask. After graduating, Leon moved out of the city and was never heard from again. 

Leon’s mind twisted. he was rejected and abandoned by the person he loved most in the world. How could she do this? Did she ever even care about him at all? No.. Surely she did. She had to. This was all Leon’s fault. He didn’t watch her enough. He didn’t take good enough care of her. He left her alone, and look at what happened. He trusted her and was patient.. and yet still, he failed her. This was all his fault.. so he would take responsibility and search for the happiness Dollie wished him. This time, however, it would be different. This time, he would hold onto his happiness with everything he had. He would watch over it and care for it gently, but never give it an opportunity to escape. He’d never let his happiness slip through his fingers again.

[jtthompson]

SVU ranting

Law & order SVU. Problematic. Troubling. Copaganda. They STAY doing illegal things. I know this. WE know this. However let's discuss one of the other reasons why this shit is RANCID. OLIVIA & ELLIOT.

THIS FUCKING MAN- Tells her he's lost everything except for Olivia and the job, they both chose to save one another over catching a baddie and Stabler's all "This can't happen again Liv". So Olivia?? LEAVES. Asks for a transfer. GHOSTS HIM. DESK EMPTY. And he's in his FEELINGS. Then they start pairing him with "loose cannon" partners so he can maybe understand how shitty he HIMSELF is. THE IRONY. RIGHT. UGH.

THEN Olivia is back in SVU. Back as his partner for a coupla episodes before she gets pulled undercover. AND DISSAPEARS AGAIN. No messages. Just OUTIE. Is gone for months. COMES BACK, MEETS STABLER"S NEW PARTNER BECK, says she isn't ready to come back and asks for everyone to NOT tell Elliot that she's back.

The subterfuge. The bs. WHY are they no longer allowed to be around one another? This feels like midseasons of Supernatural when Cas always had a side mission or was perpetually hiding things from Dean. Why are they treating Olivia and Elliot like they are a queer couple!? He's had divorce papers for MULTIPLE SEASONS NOW and pretty sure they are still unsigned. How absolutely shitty to his EX and his 5 effing kids.

Now Beck is here. Her and Stabler have been butting heads as she settles into the squad. Liv stops by, leaves, "don't tell El" - and now Stabler is COMPLIMENTING Beck. AND THEY JUST FUCKING KISSED. WHAT IS GOING ON!?!?!! One night of drinks after MAYBE catching a murderer and suddenly fireworks? Feels like a Sims 3 romance. *Buy drink. Tell joke. Compliment. Compliment. Tell joke. Kiss*

Apparently the sheer masculine testosterone of one Elliot Stabler is too much for any female partners to handle, because they always end up doe eyed over this man who has 0 impulse control and massive anger issues and avoids emotions. This is SEASON 8! OLIVIA HAS BEEN OVERTLY IN LOVE WITH HIM FOR A MIIIIIIIINUTE.

Stabler's WIFE hints at being uncomfortable with their friendship/partnership in SEASON FUCKING ONE. EARLY SEASON ONE, and these are MINIMUM 23 episode seasons. ITS BEEN YEARS. AND NOW THEY WONT ALLOW THEM TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM!?!?!!

But at this point they are SO fucking toxic for one another. Their heads EMPTY when together. I legit don't want them to get together anymore. My WHOLE LIFE, watching SVU, watching marathons, heart eyed over Liv+El uwu. But in actuality watching it all??? HATE.

The fact that then Elliot LEAVES SVU and the US suddenly in just a few years is now just fucking hilarious. Olivia set this precedent! Second time not necessarily her choice. First time??? She was working in what appears to be the SAME BUILDING. Cleans out her desk, tells NO ONE, till Elliot visits computer crimes for a case! His EXPRESSION when he walked in and saw her?! LMAOOO. Like 2 episodes later. He basically says he cares too much and she goes "tight. Outie". Now she is BACK IN TOWN and GHOSTING HIM. Damn straight Eliot leaves the fucking country. STAY GONE BRUV. Also HOW DO YOU SPELL HIS NAME OMFG.

Dani Beck? Family life is SO MUCH PAIN. (Her husband was a cop who was shot during a routine pull over. Throws herself into her work to avoid EVERYTHING)

Omfg. Then Ice T as Fin. His family life is so much pain. (Estranged from son who is gay, which is storyline important whenever they need a gay man in the city get info from. Don't even get me started on his ex wife and Ludacris. I had to turn that episode off. Couldn't do it!)

John Munch? Family life is SO MUCH PAIN. (His dad committed suicide when he was 9, his Uncle becomes so depressed he develops temporary dementia???, goes on antidepressants, enters a manic state and pushes a dude in front of a train who MAYBE was gonna get away with some horrible crimes, is institutionalized where he decides to NEVER medicate himself and instead slip back into dementia and not knowing who he is or remembering his nephew.)

[myfucking-illusion]

pt III of that venting text SKIP PLEASE, im sorry about this i promise its the last one

i wont lie, though, im afraid of letting her go bc i dont want to be alone, i literally dont have any other friends besides her, i didnt have the chance to make friends on the new city bc in 2019 i was getting used to a whole different place, bc i lived on my birth town my whole life and it was a country town, today i live in the capitol of my state, it was a huge change, also i was so insecure of not being with my best friend that i shutted myself completely for other friends (thats something i thank my boyfriend for, he respected my "friend issues" and took me with him), 2020 i spent at home bc of the pandemic and 2021 feels like its going to be equal as 2020.

i dont know the day of tomorrow, god forbid but what if something happens between me and my boyfriend? i have no one to cry to, no one to listen to me. and not only that, sometimes i want to talk about girl stuff and my boyfriend is a guy, he might try but it isnt the same as talking to a girlfriend, i feel like i need her, i feel like i dont know how to live without her... is it true? i dont know and im afraid of finding out.

my mom and my boyfriend always say that there aren't true friends, people are like that, you cant blindly trust someone, we are alone and will remain alone, bc none of the ppl so called friends are going to be there when you truly need, this best friend stuff only exists when you are 15 bc (most of the times) we dont have real problems.

my mom always had my dad and i aspire to be like that, to have my boyfriend by my side and have ppl i'm acquainted with, but he is the only one who i know will be there when i need, but i dont know tomorrow. today we are good, today we love each other and plan on getting married, but i cant say it will be like that tomorrow even though i want so much to be with him till the death tear us apart.

2 days ago was the last time we spoke, she said some heavy stuff to me, stuff that a friend shouldn't say, let alone the best one. she is mad at me bc i dont talk to her everyday, bc i dont tell her everything about my life, bc i dont like the same stuff she does and bc im not the same girl i was 5 years ago, she didnt leave room for conversation, she was mean, i'm not going to beg for her friendship or whatever, i'm not going to answer her and i feel like neither will she, she's too proud, unfornately i'll have to be proud too, i'm not going to beg for someone else's love, not anymore.

im really afraid of what life holds for me, it is a big change in my life, she is with me since 2014 and suddenly letting her go feels so weird and wrong, even though she gave me reason to do so, i feel like my life is going to fall apart and honestly i dont know what to expect, i hope things get better, i really do, i need it, i cant lose everything, i cant simply lose someone who's so important for me and be fucked by life, i wont be able to live like that.

i wish i could have a teaser of the future bc rn im feeling so sad, so stupid and i KNOW im right, she was a bitch with me, she wasnt concerned at all about our friendship she was mean to me, it felt like we werent even friends, she didnt care about us at all, it's been a while and she blames me, i must have guilt on this too, ofc, but i know i'm not 100% wrong, i know it isnt all on me and she believes it is, she refuses to see that she has hurt me too and so much, i didnt heal, im not feeling ok with her, even though i want to (or wanted to).

i dont know if there is any salvation, i dont know what life is holding for me, i'm nervous and sad, i hope i will be fine, from the bottom of my heart i will take care of myself the best i can so i dont fall apart, i will give my best to my other relationships so this wont happen again, i will try very hard to make friends, to be more open and to forgive her and forget about this situation so i can remember our friendship as something good, even though i dont want to say goodbye i wish we could reconcile i really did.

i dont like letting people in.. i wish she could stay, but apparently it´s time to let go.

[the-blissful-one]

I also remember when I was out in practice during my first year as a teacher-student. We (the group i had the practice with) was paired up with a kind of old teacher. He was nice and all of that, but when he first met us; he asked where we were from, since he could hear on one of their dialect that they weren't from the city. And when he came to me; he asked me where I'm from. And I said; from here. Talking about the city where we were in, that both holds the university I attend to and my home.

I have somewhat of a mixed dialect since I are up further north in my country, so sometimes people ask where I got that part from. And I simply tell those who asks that I grew up further north the first decade of my life. And that is all fine and dandy.

But back to the teacher, he said it doesn't look like it. Like I was from that town. And I though first that he referred to my dialect. So I simply said that I grew up in another town, hence my dialect. But he smiled at me and said; I think you are from somewhere further away. And then he pressed out of me that I was adopted and what country and city I was born in. Which was very uncomfortable, especially since I was going to spend the next two weeks following him around at the school he was a teacher at.

But what was worse, was that when we were talking to other teachers and they were interested in knowing what we studied and where we come from, my practice-teacher pressed it out of me and made tell this other stranger where I was born etc. And it happened so many times. Even some teachers caught that I was somewhat uncomfortable with the 'digging in personal information' but it what much they could do when he kept pressing it out of me.

That is so mean and rude. And well, society can blame that older people were a product of their time where immigrants and adopting people from other countries weren't so usual. But it's still hella rude and disrespecting of them to act like that and just force me (and probably others) to tell them things like that.

And it's pretty fucking hard to just give an awkward laugh or something and change the topic; because they wont. And when I have insisted that I'm from this country, they just keep denying it.

So lesson of today; skin colour doesn't determinate our ethnicity, don't be a bitch and dig in personal information, and don't be rude when they wont share that information.

Does someone have a great comeback to people that dig in personal stuff regarding adoption. Like I'm adopted by two, very loving and kind, parents. I have been with them since I was like one year old- so I don't really have any relationship towards the country I was born in. And I don't have any needs to know more about that small part of my life.

But as some of you can imagine, there is always someone that wants to know everything when they look at me, especially since I look difference from the majority. Like, they start to ask; "Where are you from??" just out of the blue!! ! "but where are you really from??", and then they start to guess which country. "Do you know your REAL parents??"- if they ever found out I'm adopted. "Do you ever want to go back and find your birth parents??" etc!!!!

I'm fucking tired of it. I was going to donate my blood a few weeks back, and the nurse started asking if I ever wanted to travel back and look for my family. Today, a customer at the store I'm working on, started to question and guess where I came from. And when I said, I'm from this town (where I live), she just rolled her eyes at me. Some of them even gets offended when I wont share personal information.

And there are just the things regarding that they can see that I have some " relations" to another country since my skin is dark and my hair is curly and black.

So does someone have any great comebacks towards those people. As mean as possible, but not so I attack them personally- just their stupidity.

It's often the older generation or maybe some in their 40s or 50s, and I'm kind of glad that their the first ones to go- if we assume everyone dies of old age. Because I'm really sick of this bullshit. The newer generation just keeps their hands to themselves. But the oldest are the worst!

[solbergb-blog]

LET THE SUN COME SHINING THROUGH; a bertram solberg mix.

i. passion pit - little secrets

When I came down the dawn poured into me / I shook em up, the walls came crumbling / My fists kept trembling with these salty wounds / My stolen gold inside the emperors tomb / Now painting rainbows on my ugly face / I built this cardboard neighborhoods disgrace / But I ascend and serve my feverish need

ii. sprawl ii - arcade fire

We shield our eyes from the police lights / We run away, but we don't know why / Black river, your city lights shine / They're screaming at us, we don't need your kind 

iii. who am i - vance joy

Hold me up to the light / Tell me if the sun comes shining through / And I've got this heaviness in my chest / Since your love came breaking through

iv. quesadilla - walk the moon

I must've stumble out of the plane / 'Cause I free-fell all year / My chute is blooming out like spring / And I'm nowhere now, but here / But I've seen your long hair come down / It turned my head inside out / And I want you, I want you / I still do

v. no more pirates - chris garneau

To believe in a religion / You gotta pray for the ones you love / And pray for all the ones you hate / Like / Your old boyfriends / Your old girlfriends / Your old husbands / And your wives friends / And your family / And countries / And countries / And enemies

vi. a better son / daughter - rilo kiley

And sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on / And your friends they sing along and they love you / But the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap / And it teases you for weeks in it's absence / But you'll fight and you'll make it through / You'll fake it if you have to / And you'll show up for work with a smile / You'll be better you'll be smarter / And more grown up and a better daughter / Or son and a real good friend / You'll be awake and you'll be alert / You'll be positive though it hurts / And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends / You'll be a real good listener / You'll be honest, you'll be brave / You'll be handsome, you'll be beautiful / You'll be happy / Your ship may be coming in / You're weak but not giving in

vii. academia - sia

You're a difficult equation with a knack for heart evasion / Will you listen to my proof or will you add another page on? / It appears to me the graph has come and stolen all the laughs / It appears to me the pen is over analyzed again / And if I am a number I'm infinity plus one / And if you are five words you are afraid to be the one / And if you are a number, you're infinity plus one / And if I'm four words then I am needing of your love.

viii. blue lips - regina spektor

He stumbled into faith and thought / God this is all there is / The pictures in his mind arose / And began to breathe / And all the gods in all the worlds / Began colliding on a backdrop of blue / Blue lips / Blue veins / Blue the color of our planet from far, far away

ix. a quiet night at home - bare: a pop opera

A quiet night at home / Silent night / A joy to pass a quiet night at home / A quiet night at home / All my friends are gone / And once again I find myself alone / A quiet night at home / Play my siren song / Attracting none, my ship just wont come in / Clinging to the rigid rock of ages / Never ever even get the chance to sin / Passing two productive hours / Tearing through a hundred pages / What a tale of star crossed lovers / Life is lived on other stages / Pain adores me God ignores me / Always thinking, thinking / Sinking, never dancing / Never asked and asking why? / Why? then never, never cry / Far too clever

x. boston - augustana

I think I'll go to Boston / I think that I was tired / I think I need a new town / To leave this all behind / I think I need a sunrise / I'm tired of a sunset / Here it's nice in the summer / Some snow would be nice, oh yeah / You don't know me, and you don't even care

[ishouldprobablybewriting]

Nanowrimo Preview

Sooooo, I decided to attempt Nanowrimo. I’m total shit at it but.... eh. Whatever. Also the story is shit, but Imma put it on here anyways.

Cassandra and Karen decide to take their fall break to a cabin in the Apalachian mountains. Cassi finds an attractive man who wont speak to her (or rather he finds her), and an attractive man who will talk to her (and calls her “Cher”) and a cute little puppy with bright blue eyes. And that;s all before things get exciting. 

Basically, this is shitty self insert fanservice. With attractive paranormal people and lots of sex. So.... 

18 and over only please.

WC: 3412

“Karen’s Whore House. You got the dough, we got the hoe. How may I direct your call?”

It was 3:05 on the dot, November 16th. The high school bell had just rang and Cassandra was finally free. Well, for ten days at least. She was probably more excited about the short, Fall break than any of her students. And, of course, the first order of business was to call Karen, the bestie. A grin spread across her face at the teasing tone.

“Is Karen there? It’s a hoe-mergancy,” said Cassandra, playing along.

“This is the Madam speaking.”

“Oh! Perfect! I’m hoe-ping you can help me.”

Karen stifled a laugh at the pun. “We can handle all matters, small and big.”

“Wonderful. Because I need someone large, broad and tattooed. Oh! And maybe a nice beard? I’m gonna need something nice to ride.”

That was the last straw. They both busted out laughing. Cassi hit her turn signal and continued down the long country highway back into the city. Once the laughter died down, Cassi let out a small excited squeal. “When are we leaving?”

Karen groaned a bit as she rolled out of bed, a small thunk heard in the background as her feet hit the floor. “Uh, I was thinking we could get dinner, wait out some of the traffic then head up after dark. “

“Perfect. Just lemme get home and make sure I’ve got everything and then I’ll head that way.”

With music blaring in the small gray suv, time passed quickly. As Cassi pulled up to the residential school Karen lived and worked at, she shot a quick “Here bitch” text in lieu of honking the horn.  Karen opened the back passenger door and slid her bags into the seat and floorboard.

“I’m so fucking ready to be out of this place.”

“Same. But first- foods.”

Karen half moaned her agreement.

“Where?”

“Cock-Out?” Karen suggested.

“Eh. Taco Hell?”

“Not before a road trip.”

“Valid point,” Cassi nodded.

“Oh!” Karen perked up, plugging her phone charger into the carport, “How about Zaxby’s?”

Cassi grinned as she put her car into reverse. “Sounds good to me!” She pulled out and headed towards the restaurant while Karen put on their road trip playlist. The two had decided, since their typical “Friendsgiving” plans had fallen through with the rest of their friends away with familial obligations, that they would take a trip to the mountains about two hours north of their small city to spend their break drinking, eating and enjoying the cool weather. If they were lucky, maybe they'd be enjoying a man or two as well.

After getting fuel for both themselves and the car as well as a few drinks and snacks for the road. Two and a half hours later the two pulled into the tiny town that boasted a fair bit of tourism depending on the season. Most of which were romantic getaways, honeymoons and the like, occasionally a biker club or caravan would stop for the night on their way through.

They pulled over at the largest of the town’s- of Aberdeenvalle’s- three gas stations.  Cassi stretched letting out a long, low moan. “Uggghhhhhhhaaa. Oi.” She shook out her clothes and arched her feet a bit. Karen mimicked with her own stretch and groan combination, adding a small yawn.

“Alright. Should be just a few miles from the check in place but I’m not sure how far the actual cabin is. I know it’s past all the newer camping sites.”

Cassi nods at Karen, who planned the whole trip, and shivers a bit as a cool wind blows past them. The early evening got cold fast in the Appalachian Mountains and Cassi was still in a thin gray cotton t-shirt and cute cuffed jean shorts. Karen was much more ready for the temperature in a thick red wrap and dark wash jeans. They enter the small store laughing and karen heads towards the bathroom in the back corner. Cassi grabs another large bottle of water, a few packs of jerky and walks to the counter to pay for that and the gas. The young guy behind the register nodded to her giving a standard “Hello, how are you today?”

“Hello,” Cassi smiled “And 15 on three, please.” She placed her items on the counter. He began ringing them up. “Other than leaf watching and drinking, what is there to do around here?”

He looked up at her, “Ya’ll stayin’?”

“Yep! Whole week.”

“Hmmm....” he handed her her receipt, “Not much” he shrugged. “If ya like to walk, there's a park with a nice hiking trail. Just don’t stay too close to nightfall.”

Cassi scrunched her face up and tilted her head a bit at his strange and vague warning but thanked him nonetheless as Karen joined her grabbing the bag and heading back out to the car.

“What was that all about?” Karen asks.

“I dunno,” Cassi shrugged, “Asked about shit to do, got a ‘don’t go out alone at night’ instead.” She grinned at her friend, one side of her face lifting and showing her teeth, “I mean, what kind of woman does he take me for? How else am I supposed to have fun?” Karen laughed with her.

“Slut,” she shot at Cassi.

“I know.”

They climbed back up into the car and slowly drove the last 20 minutes deeper into the mountains and pulled up to a large two story, wooden cabin with a brightly lit front porch and a small wooden sign with “Merritt Cabins and Camping” carven into it. A worn layer of paint making the letters stand out. Parking and turning off the engine, the girls smile and quickly jog up the steps to check in. An older man greets them in the spacious lobby.

He smiled gently, “Welcome ladies!” His shoulders were once broad and thick but his body now shrunk due to age. He had graying hair, cropped close to his tan wrinkled skin, soft dark eyes and a slight hunch, leaning on the polished wood slab counter. He was wholly warm and welcoming. Cassi, for one, was glad. She wasn’t sure quite what to expect. She trusted Karen to plan everything and although she wasn’t expecting some eldritch demon or a pack of werewolves to be at the front desk, there never was any telling with Karen so a normal cabin and not some hidden mountain BDSM dungeon was a pleasant surprise.

Karen talks to him while Cassi looks around a bit, admiring the log architecture and the rustic wood-based decor. She turned back around in time to see him pull a small map from the display set and unfolded it on the desk. Cassi peered over it beside Karen. It was surprisingly modern looking. Well organized and clearly marked, it even had restaurants and places of interests from around town- including the mountain hiking trail. He flipped it over and pointed to a blue square. “This is us, here,” he explained. “Your cabin is this one up here,” he tapped a red square farther up the mountain, “Two bedrooms, two baths, great view, over 2000 ft above sea level. ‘S’even got a fireplace. You’ll love it.” he grinned at us. He gave them easy directions and even marked them on the map so they wouldn’t forget.

Cassi smiled, “Thank you, Mr. Merritt.” She folded up the map and they went back to the car. Rolling down the windows to enjoy the fresh evening air and following his directions they were given in the dark, they pull up to a beautiful redwood log cabin. It was smaller, two story built right onto the side of the the mountain giving a beautiful view of the south east forests below the furnished wrap around porch. She pulled up to the front door and parked on the gravel, grinning.

The cabin was comfortably decorated. Not flashy or overdone but casual and warm feeling. Large windows covered nearly every wall, the red, drawn back, floor-to-ceiling curtains causing the setting sun to illuminate the living room on the first floor and the open planned kitchen. Upstairs was another, smaller living space and a small hallway that split the two bedrooms, each with a- Cassi and Karen discovered- gorgeous bathroom attached. Cassi took the master since it had a massive garden tub and Karen wasn’t a “bath person”, unlike Cassi.

Seriously. It was huge. Cassi was never a small woman. She was more than enough for anyone to handle with broad shoulders, strong arms and legs, large breasts, a thick waist and wide, rounded hips and thighs. She was a generous size 20 and this tub could easily fit three of her. She squealed when she saw it, hands clenched at her chest. She nearly jumped for joy.

But first, she was going to unpack. “Hey, bitch!”

“What?”

“What's the plan?”

“Uh… Drink?” Karen peeped around the doorframe into the bathroom, “Woah.”

“Ch- Yeah!” Cassi grinned, “Thanks for lettin’ me have the masters, boo.”

“I’m so using that before we leave,” she said, pointing to the oversized bathtub.

Cassi let out a small laugh, mostly snort really, “We could both use that- at the same time.”

Karen nodded.

“Anyways! What's the plan for tonight?”

“Drinking- I just said that!”

“Okay, okay, let's get everything in, shower and then we drink the night away! Then we can go get breakfast after we wake from the dead,” Cassi laughed.

They did just that. If someone had seen how much liquor and mixers the two women brought into the kitchen, they surely would have thought it was for a party, or at least a large family of alcoholics.  Bottles of vodka, rum, tequila and wine, three handles of fireball and a small bottle of everclear. They reasoned that should be enough to last them the week.

They got a head start- three shots for Cassi and one for the lightweight Karen- then played a few rounds of High-low. Karen smashed Cassi in five rounds, Cassi won three of her own. Then they moved on to an adjusted game of bullshit. Before they could even finish the deck in bullshit, they were both rolling on the floor laughing loudly at nothing. By this time Cassi had stipped down to a sports bra and short sleeping shorts and Karen was in a tank top and lounge pants. Cassi tended to lose clothes as she drank.

Cassi also tended to wake up early and without a hangover after a night of heavy drinking. Karen- not so much.

So, while Karen stayed asleep, Cassi went out to get a breakfast at the little cafe, figuring she’d eat then pick up a few groceries.

Her tight jeans and oversized red and black plaid flannel over a cream colored tank top was warm enough in the cool mountain air. Her favorite black combat boots kept her feet warm and were comfy to walk around the small town in.

She sat down in the cafe's outside seating, the metal cool through her clothes but still a relaxing feeling. She ordered a small breakfast, just oatmeal and fruit, not being able to stomach large amounts of greasy food with her stomach still full of liquor from just a few hours prior. And coffee. lots and lots of coffee. She joked with the waiter, an older jovial man with a strong accent and far too many pins attached to his suspenders for them to be comfortable, to just leave the pot. Three cups of coffee- with two sugars and two creamers each- in, her breakfast is interrupted.  A far too large hand quietly places itself onto the black metal chair across from her. She takes inventory of the deep scarring across the knuckles and the protruding veins. And the size. It wouldn't be a stretch for that hand to cover her entire face. Her eyes dart up to the interruption face- skipping his arm and chest completely. Cassi is momentarily stunned. He had dark green eyes, long hair pulled back into a tight - black, maybe dark brown in color? It was hard to tell. His beard was thick and short but obviously well taken care of. His jaw was strong and angular and Cassi could just make out a few silvery scars along his high cheekbone on the left side of his face. ​This is unreal. Cassi though, Seriously. What romance novel is this jackass from?? "Can I help you?" she asked. He just stared at her, taking her in, eyes roaming over and over her generous, curved figure; over each roll and lump, each scar and mark visible, he found. Not judging, Cassi could tell, just looking. So she looked back. Well fit, dark gray Henley with long sleeves, and the top button undone. His arms well built and waist, though obviously muscled, thick set and leading into wide-set legs covered in loose jeans. Cassi's eyes darted back up to his face. His fuckin' attractive face. "Right." she said shortly, "Good talk. " She turned back to her food and the logic puzzle she was completing, effectively dismissing him by ignoring him.  She heard a low, gravelly grunt that sent suppressed shivers up her spine before the hand removed itself from the chair opposite her. She watched him swagger away out of the corner of her eye . "Well," she murmured to herself, "that was weird." She finished and stretched, the paid for her food at the counter inside with a sweet, "Thank you!" She walked up the road to the little corner grocery store. It was a quaint and cute town. Cassi decided she like it. It was warming seeing how the people here interacted. Everyone seemed to know everyone and everyone seemed to get along. It reminded her of home, of her childhood- or at least the positive parts of it. The grocery store was brightly lit and filled with fresh, local produce and meats. It was strange and more market than grocer. She picked up the basics- milk, bread, butter, rice, a few fruits and veggies. The last thing she picked up was meat, making sure to pick up bacon for Karen. It was enough to last them but not too much for her to carry, albeit it would be with a bit difficulty. Right as she walked out the store, a few kids sped by on skateboards. They got a little two close and nearly knocked her over, She caught herself but, unfortunately, still dropped her bag of produce "Shit." She bend down on one knee to start gathering up her groceries. A hand shot out to grab a run-away apple. One that wasn't hers. Deja vu. She looked up to see her apple's savior and found, yet another, overly attractive man. This one was thinner than the last. He had tattoos from the wrist of his outstretched hand all the way up to the sleeve stretched over his bicep. Still had a sharp jaw, though significantly less square, a five o'clock shadow, bright blue eyes and light pink lips stretched into a charming smile. "Here, cher," he offered, scooping up more of the scattered produce and placing them back into the bag. "Oh..." Cassi caught herself staring, mouth open slightly. She shook her head a bit and smiled back, "Thank you! So much." "Oh no pro'lem. My pleasure, really." He took another bag from her, easing her load and then motioned her ahead. Cassi smiled and accepted his silent offer to help her. "You've got a bit of an unusual accent, cher- for these parts, at least," he started, "Where you from?" At least this one speaks Cassi thought and laughed to herself softly. "South Carolina. Born and raised. Up here with a friend for a little vacation. What about you?" "Naw, I'm a transplant, ma' self. I found I liked it up here, s'rprisin'ly." Cassi smiled at him as they got to her car, she unlocked the doors and placed the bags she had in the back seat, grabbing the bags the stranger had from his hands as well.  "Well, lucky for me then. Thank you...?" "Lucien. Lucien Corbeau." "Thank you, Lucien." "And what should I call you?" Cassi hummed to herself, making a show of looking him up and down, noticing the tattoos wrapping around his right arm in detail. "I think I like 'cher'," she grinned, "But you can call me tonight, if you'd like." Cassi grinned as she grabbed his warm hand and pulled it to her exposing the broad expanse of skin on the soft underside of his right arm to her. She bit the cap of a purple pen and tugged then scrawled her number along his arm. His grin matched hers as she spun on her heels and got into her car. By the time she got all the groceries unloaded and made some bacon, Karen had finally risen from the dead. Cassi smirked at her friend and started the coffee pot. "Goooood morning, sunshine!" Cassi sang. Karen glared in response and snatched a piece of bacon, plopping into the carved wooden chair. "Know what'll make ya feel better?" A grunt. "A shot." "Fuck that. No ma'am," Cassi snickered at her friend, Karen glared harder in return before giving up and eating more bacon. Cassi poured two cups of coffee and set one down in front of Karen. Her phone rang out with a ding before she should sit down to finish her own coffee. Karen sent her a glance as she opened the text message. "Who's that from?" Cassi sent her a sly look and shrugged casually. "Oh just some guy." Karen snorted, "Slut." Cassi shrugged. "So, is it Josh or KC?" "Neither." Karen playfully gasped, "Oh you are a slut!" Cassi laughed. "He helped me with the groceries! I dropped them!"

The two busted out laughing. The girls calmed down and Karen crunched on more bacon.  Cassi smiled and unlocked her phone again, finally reading her message.

"Hello, cher"

Cassi tapped out her reply quickly.

"Aren't you eager, Mr Corbeau?"​

"How could I not be?"

Cassi hadn't expected a response so quickly. Hm.

She ​ tapped a finger on the table for a second, thinking of how to reply. She kind of liked the excited attention he was giving her.

"I'm not sure. I mean, if I could meet myself, I'd be pretty excited too! Lol" ​ No, that's not right. She erased it. "Who knows?"  Better.

"I hope you wouldn't think me too eager then, if I ask you to coffee tomorrow night?"

"Hmmm... No I don't supposed I would."

"In that case, How does coffee sound tomorrow, cher?"

"Well I suppose, but only because I love coffee." Cassi laughed to herself.

They set a time and place to meet the next night, all the while Lucien calling her "Cher". The ridiculous pet name made Cassi smile. And then gag at her own girly giddiness.

"Aye yo, bitch!" Cassi called from the couch where she had posted up to text with Lucien.

"What?" Karen responded from the kitchen, around her bottle of water.

"What do you want to do today?"

Karen shruged, "I am not doing shit till I get a shower."

"Don't blame you there." Cassi thought for  a second, "How about we check out that trail? It feels fuckin' amazing outside today."

Karen shot her a look, "Oh I'm sure it did feel fuckin' amazing."

"Bitch." Cassi laughed.

The trail was beautiful. The entire mountain was, honestly. Cassi had packed her small backpack with a few bottles of water, her well supplied first aid kit, some snacks and a few photography supplies. Her tightly laced boots were comfortable on her feet and let her explore all the terrain the mountain had to offer. She kept her compact digital camera around her neck in case she found something spectacular. She

The two girls laughed and enjoyed the fresh air around them. After an hour of leisurely walking and stopping every now and then to capture a wonderful, they reached the 2 mile marker on the trail. It was now nearly 3 in the afternoon and Karen was ready to head back and take a shower. Cassi wanted to press on deeper into the mountain and hopefully get a few more pictures. So they compromised.

They walked together back to the base of the trail and Karen continued to the cabin while Cassi turned around and took a different trail.

[doubleddenden]

Not to sound like a spoiled brat but I really hate how much I'm being forced to adapt to life out here again. I want to find work so I can earn fucking money, but I cannot because the Internet is so spotty and finicky that I literally can barely get a signal unless I stand by the bathroom window, and therefore cannot apply for jobs. I want to watch YouTube videos so I can not be bored with what's on tv and it's thousand reruns/reboots/terrible content. I want to be able to log online so I can be with friends at a moments notice.

Know what else I hate? I'm forced to be here to work outside to try and control these damn plants, but it's so fruitless! I've uprooted weeds taller than me and they'll be back within 2 days. I'll kill wasp nests only for 5 more to take its place. I've mowed the grass twice this week here and at my sister's but it keeps FUCKING GROWING BACK!!! The vines and trees are trying to grow into my and my aunt's houses! What the hell! No matter what I fucking do it's literally reversed within a day!

Not to mention the inside. I live in a large, roach infested house ruined by years of hoarding, but I'm the only one that will do anything because the other person living here can't do much because of his disabilities and the rest of the family just yells when I ask for help cleaning the messes THEY LEFT BEHIND! I kill roaches every day, I've bombed the house in like 8 different rooms TWICE now, they keep coming back and WONT DIE!!! I ask for pest control but NO THATS TOO EXPENSIVE!

Then there's the fact that nobody is here anymore. My friends all live hours away from me now and I hear from mostly 2 people other than my family now. I could drive 2 and a half hours one way or 3 hours another to visit, BUT OH FUCKING WAIT!!! I'm fucking broke and can't find work! Because we live out in the middle of fucking nowhere with NOTHING to do and NOBODY hiring at this point!

I'm so bored. Like painfully bored and frustrated. I'm tired of listening to racism in my own family and neighborhood and general political and global idiocy expressed so freely and constantly. I tell them to stop and they explain why I'M the one who is crazy for not being racist. Like oh my god please I just want to live somewhere else. Yes they feed me and let me have a roof over my head but I'm so TIRED OF THESE PEOPLE!

I miss seeing friends at a moments notice! I miss being able to just drive over to see someone! I miss having shit to do other than non paid work. "Oh it's just part of getting older" then why is it that my friends are able to see each other at a moments notice??? Because they had the bright idea and familial aid to get the hell out of this boring town! I just want people to be with and to socialize with.

I also want to stream. I miss that. I know I don't get views at all but I still like it a lot and want to upload more content.

I'm permanently exhausted, permanently bored and broke and can't do anything to change it. Yet this place is just PARADISE to these bumpkins that like sitting on their porches and listening to country music EVERY FUCKING HOUR OF THE DAY. I sound like such a stereotypical "city boy millennial" but! There's a reason people don't like living here!!!

I stg I don't want any grass to cut, no bugs in my home, no messes other than my own to clean, or bigotry in my own home when I'm finally able to leave. I want to be able to be near people I enjoy being around and I want internet so that I can entertain myself and friends. I want to go a day without inhaling poison from bug spray or my dad's fucking cigarettes that he inSISTS on smoking around me and in my vehicle even though I have asthma.

God I just hate it out here

[strawberryspeachy]

So let me just share what happened ALL AT ONCE a week ago

The teacher i worked with and wrote about liking SEEMED to warm up to being coworker friends with me. He was looking out for me, deliberately waiting to walk with me to and from classes. Smiling and laughing and ENGAGING in conversation with me. And ok

I’ve talked to quite a few other teachers in my school and they ALL KNOW how to cut off a conversation. They do the lean away (i gotta go make it quick) they burry their nose into their work (ahh so busy cant listen) they SAY theyre busy. They dont ask follow up questions. They dont elaborate on answers. Im not that fucking stupid. I am stupid. But not that stupid

This boy started basically laying his head on my shoulder when we talked. Hed look up stuff I was telling him about on the spot not - oh write that down and ill check it out - no. Immediate. It i didnt ask him follow up questions to something he said hed talk more as if I did and leave them on a ‘ask me about that’ note like hint hint. I wanna keep talking. Not to mention how hed reach across me to get stuff. Touch my hand whenever possible (mind you none of my other teachers ever touched my hand with giving me stuff) just all in all gave the i like talking and were close here vibe. Hed complain to me and tell me “secrets”

I was just sad he didnt like me as more. But i was content being like this as coworkers.

Well. I fucked up and said (while laughing. Not an intense way) youve called me your friend twice now, does that mean were friends. I fully fully expected him to say yea yea were friends.

No it didnt go down that way

Instead thag led straight into him telling that he never wanted to hang out with me. He just said that. He doesnt like me. He doesnt like talking to me or texting me. And basically im just super fucking annoying.

So ok. Thats bad enough right. The only person in this country I thought was even close to something of a friend. Actually dislikes me

But wait. Dislike might be too weak.

Because it didnt end there.

He not only reported all the non school related conversations we had to get me in trouble. He also lied about things I said and did. Going so far as to accuse me of harassing and stalking him.

K maybe go back up and read how he was waiting for me to walk to class and almost leaning on me and - oh yea. Responded to every message i sent. Real responces. Not ‘ya’ or ‘ok’ and emojis and stickers and stuff... like that didnt read as “stop messaging me”

But my school was like yea - get her the fuck out.

So i got kicked out of my school.

But wait there’s more

My company was like - why arent you a mind reader. We got reports over a month ago that youd caused problems. But we decided not to tell you. We take no blame and youre fired. (Thats putting all the bs they said shortly. Havent even gone into how they didnt look into it. They didnt care about my side. They didnt talk yo one another and taunted me while fireing me)

So so far.

Guy i liked and thought was my work friend: hates me

School whose students i loved working with and made me want to skip weekends so i could return: fired

Company that provides me income: fired

But thats not allll

My company rented my apartment for me. So not only was I fired. Im also getting evicted. On christmas! Merry fucking christmas

And the reason i didnt wanna move out of here before is because i have to pay an early leaving fee, pay a AT MINIMUM 500 dollar cleaning fee!!, and ya know pay fucking movers to move or shippers to come get my stuff to be shipped becauseeee

As i felt. Everyone i met through my company are not my friends. I have no friends here. I am all alone in another country. No income. No place to live

Ive been applying to other jobs like crazy and apartments.

Actually actually here. Let me give you the two taunts my boss made while firing.

Right after he told me how i should have been able to read between the lines. Pretty sure he muted me whenever i talked about why it seemed my coworker enjoyed my company. Yeah immediately after he told me that several times. He said “teachers here often end up marrying other teachers because they work together and have the same hours and understand each other” um? Anyone know why hed throw that in there while telling me i should have known that my coworker didnt want anything more than a strict colleage relationship. Cause thats really counteractive fucktard who (my ex boss) left his wife for his coworker.

And. In Japan. Any person from another country who works here has 100% heard of gaijinpot. Thats how most people get here. Everyone knows that website. My ex boss said. (After telling me im unemployable now) “i know a place where you can find alot of english teaching jobs” AND WROTE DOWN FUCKING GAIJINPOT AS HE LEFT

MOTHERFUCKER

And thats it. Thats my life now. I asked someone who said if i ever need help to help me and really didnt wanna. And i shouldnt have because he said “youre for move is to find a job and a new place to live” gosh damnit i sure am a fucktard arent i. That hadnt occured me. Not like i didnt literally write that in my message above asking if youd take my futton for a short while.

I mean just this year a friend... friend. No. Person i knew since first grade who had a house and who i asked if i coild pay rent while i find a place to go if my family impulsively throws me on the streets was like - ehhhhh i really just wanna have sex in my house so no.

So i really shouldnt have even hoped someone here would help me.

Oh. And a wolf spider appeared in my room the day my coworker told me off.

And i saw an express train going all fast at the one station. And really really have been trying to convince myself that if i jump in front of it wont just slam into me creating the worst pain of my life as time slows down for me and i tumble downword to the track below the train where the wheels will rip me apart like scrambled eggs Completely aware of whats happening.

I just cant seem to imagine that going any other way except maybe that im thrown off the train and survive but never walk again.

So...

Not wanting to return to a place where my family will scream and make fun of me for being a fuck up again. While being forced to work a shitty service job and never see my friends cause theyre always busy. And never have anywhere to go.

Im trying to find another english job id like.... its not going well

Moving into a sharehouse.... i really dont want a roommate but i have no other choice cause im not even gonna be able to afford that with the fact that i only have a couple 1000 dollars and my rent alone will eat that meaning. Cant go do anything. So im aiming to be in the middle of tokyo. Living that city life i always wondered about.

Btw. The week before this happened id just accepted to myself that the city has too many people and i liked my little town with all the cheap stuff and my bike that kept me in shape. And that i coild see mount fuji on a clear day. This is why i dont approciate things. The second i have the thought its gone

[burn-it73]

The Feasting

I wake up knowing shit isn't right. The light is way to bright, Ihave to be late for work. I glance at my alarm clock, blinking 3:33. Great, Awesome, Fuck. I grab my cell phone, 10:30. I let out a sigh as I know I'm going to have to call work and provide some bullshit explanation as to why I'm not there. ''God I hate this fucking job'' I think as I grab my phone and start rooting around for last nights clothes. ''Shit they must be swamped'' I say as I get no answer from work. "It was a full moon last night.'' I think.That's when I smell it, not the usual single man apartment stank, I've become immune to that. Smoke, I look outside and I see a few plumes of smoke toward the center of town. I don't here sirens so I call 911. No answer, not even a dial tone when I call. I go outside and I hear the scream, not a woman but a man. The sound is halfway between a shriek and the sound you make when you puke. Out of the corner of my eye I glimpse the scene: Anold mansobbing uncontrollably, his pants a torn bloody mess at the crotch, and he is dragging a creature on his leg while struggling to get away. Like you drag a child that wont let go of your leg, only a horrific version of this action. I run to help, when the old man trips. The creature crawls up halfway to the old mans junk and consumes what I can only assume, his genitals. I turn my head in disgust and confusion when I see another creature chewing its way through another mans jeans as he cries out in agony. It looks like the worst blowjob ever, victim on his back, head shaking wildly, as the creature breaches the denim and finds his tender, meaty, craving. That's when I hear it. The psychotic wail of these hideous freaks...BALLS! There is nothing more they say, because there is nothing more that they are thinking or doing. I come to the realization that these are some sort of ... zombie. But instead of... I cant even bring my self to think it, let alone say it out loud. Holding on to the denial helps me stay sane in the midst of this insanity. I feel something grab at me so I whip around. Its the old man from earlier sans a heartbeat and family jewels. ''Balls'', he creaks. "Not mine motherfucker'', I say as I swing as hard as I can at his old dead melon. The force of the blow sends grandpa flying to the side, he lands with a flop and a twitch. I start to take off when the old bastard sticks his leg out and trips me. I land in the worst position possible, on top of the old mans head. I can feel the pressure first, then the pain. Nut pain. I don't have to explain, we all know. I look down and start to punch the old fuckers bald spot, like I think candy is going to spill out of it. He finally releases his bite and goes limp. I stand up and find the dudes dentures caught in the fabric of my pants. Thank God he didn't use Sea Bond or things might have turned out differently. I'm not the sharpest tack in the toolshed, but I did learn from my scuffle,that apparently you need to destroy the brain of these ball eating zombies to kill them. So, what destroys brains, well I doubt I can get these fuckers to go drinking with me, so I'm thinking, guns. Who has guns and is legally required to protect and serve? You got it. Cops. I haven't always been warm and fuzzy with the po po, but my nuts are at stake here. I don't know the best course of action. Do I go back in the house and get the keys to the car? I'm kind of afraid to go inside and get trapped with one of these nut munching freaks. I decide to walk to the police station. I'd rather keep out in the open so I can either fight or run as the situation calls for it.Just then I here someone coming up behind me. I grab a loose brick from the front walk and swing just before I here a b-sound. Its my neighbor Steve, what a douche bag, always calling the city when I don't mow the lawn on time. I'm surprised the zombies found any balls to chow on this bitch. I glance down at his motionless body and notice no crotch trauma...oops. These are the kind of mistakes I need to try to avoid. Trudging toward my destination I begin to hear the town start to fight back, the sounds of police sirens, guns firing, and the war cries of citizens not willing to have their gonads be a part of some zombie nut buffet. The zombie's bellow of BALLS, becomes fewer and farther between. On my way through town I encounter a mix of scrotum gobblers and the good towns people battling them. I switch out my demon splattered brick for other means of zombie death, I find a length of 2x4 that allows me some distance between me and these fuckers piñata like skulls. I ask others who are out if they had heard any news as to why or what happened that blessed our little town with this shit storm. No one has any answers, everyone seems to want to deal with the problem and ask questions later. Maybe the rest of the country needs a plague of ball eating zombies to give them some perspective. Its a fresh change around here. As I journey to the police station I come into contact with more of these zombies and the more I do I realize they are fucking retarded. Other than being extremely easy to kill ( its kind of entertaining, once you get the hang of it ), they are doing the dumbest shit. For example, one of them keeps chasing this poor big nutted dog around. I don't know who to feel sorry for more, the dog or the zombie. I went by one gnawing on the dangling truck nuts of a parked F-150. This day has went from horrific to like being in a real life video game. I finally make it to the police station. I am greeted by Mandy "Man Hands" McNutley. The local police dispatcher/jailer. I've met her in both a personal and professional setting unfortunately. I walk in shrugging my shoulders and she has the nerve to laugh at me. "One of the few times I haven't wished I was a man." she chortles. She tells me that the entire force is out taking care of the situation, shooting zombies, saving dogs, and putting out fires started in the confusion. "How did all this happen?" I ask. Man Hands begins to weave the tale. She says that sometime during the night, what was thought to be a Somali immigranthigh on bath salts was brought in for biting the balls off of a random homeless guy. The bum was taken to the morgue. He had apparently died of a massive hemorrhage. When the medical examiner came in to inspect the body, it was missing. That is when shit started going sideways. "Where is the Somali guy that they arrested?'' I asked. ''Down in the holding cell." replies Hands. "Well lets go take a look at this fucker.'' I say. Man Hands grabs a shotgun, I don't know why, she's got nothing this guy, or any other for that matter wants either. We go down to the lock up and find an obvious voodoo priest fucking floating in mid air! I swear the cops in this town are fucking brilliant. Being high on bath salts doesn't mean levitating in the air. And I guess the only kind of black people there are, are Alabama or Somali. They bring profiling to an all new low. I've seen enough. I grab the shotgun away from McNutley and blow this freaks head off, and for good measure point the barrel between his legs and blast those cursed nuts into a fine mist. I'm outta here, I need to get a beer or smoke a joint, something to take the edge off. Hopefully the cops have taken care of these zombies. I can't take anymore of this shit. I hear Man Hands call out and I run down to offer assistance. "Don't worry, I've got this one, its the one that was missing from before." I look down and see this zombie that has obviously mistaken Mandy for a man, trying to gum its way through the material of Man Hands inseam. I look her in the eye as she winks and a greasy smile spreads across her face, as she settles in to get her freak on. Literally. I make it to work on time the next day. Everyone at the office is talking about what happened the day before. ''What do you think Dr. Palmer?" they ask. "I don't know." I sigh. My assistant answers the phone. ''Doctors Harris and Palmer, OBGYN, How may we help you?'' She looks at me to get my attention, "Dr. Palmer, do you have time for a patient named Ms. McNutley? She is complaining of bruised labia. I breathe heavily and say out loud "God I hate this fucking job."