#You've got all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile

[aureentuluva70]

Was just listening to some Christmas music and the song "you're a mean one Mr Grinch" came on and the moment I heard the line "you're as cuddly as a cactus and as charming as an eel" the first thing that popped into my head was Morgoth 🤣

[integra1127grimmreaper]

Mr. Grinch (Joel Miller)

Joel Miller Masterlist

Warning: swearing, fluff

Summary: A little Christmas story inspired by Lindsey Stirling's version of - You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

Mr. Grinch... that was what everyone had nicknamed Joel after just one day in Jackson last year, when he and Ellie had first set foot in the community last winter. Now, one year later, and another winter in yet the nickname still stuck. You found the entire thing to be quite amusing; yes, Joel could be grumpy and sometimes comes off as just plain mean, but there were good, loyal qualities to him, ones that only those dearests to him were witness to. So, that's why to make lightly of the nickname, you had decided to do something fun about it in the annual Christmas eve pageant.

You had come across an old burlesque record sometime back, the beat of the music perfect for what you had planned. Your outfit; a cute red winter dress, green tights and Santa hat.

The pageant was taking place in the mess hall, as the Christmas eve community dinner was to be taking place immediately thereafter. A small stage had been erected in the hall, with tablets setup for all to enjoy the show and dinner after.

The hall rang out with whistles and cheers when you made your way to stage, everyone soon quiets down, and the music begins to play.

*

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch You really are a heel You're as cuddly as a cactus As charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel

The room was eerily silent as you comically performed on stage whilst singing; everyone knew exactly where you were going with the chosen song. You on the other hand, were having a field day with it, as people's eyes kept jumping back and forth between you and the table you were clearly trained on during the entire performance.

*

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch (Mr. Grinch) Your heart's an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch (Mr. Grinch) You have termites in your smile You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch Now given the choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile Seasick crocodile

"Shit, it's you!" Ellie bawls out in realization, but you continue like nothings amiss. Everyone nervously stares back at the table as she chuckles out loudly then.

"The song is about you, Joel! You're Mr. Grinch!"

"Now, Ellie... don't be looking for trouble where there ain't none" Tommy attempts to neutralize the situation before things got out of hand.

"Nuh-uh..." Ellie retorts with a stiff head shake, hollering out then.

"See! I fuckin' told you! She just winked at him!"

The sounds of gasps ringing out at her words, as everyone braced themselves for your impending demises at the hands of the man you were clearly referring to in the song. He, on the other hand sat dangerously silent, as his dark narrowed gaze remained fixed on you as the performance continues.

"Ellie..." Tommy drawls out in annoyance, and then it happened.

"She blew him a kiss!" Ellie screams, griping onto Joel's shoulder; shaking him back and forth in excitement.

"Wait. What?" an open-mouthed Tommy stares at you on the stage.

*

The words that best describe you are stink, stank, stunk (Ooh) No, no, no Stink, stank, stunk Oh, Mr. Grinch Mr. Grinch...

The music ends and the room is filled with nothing but awkward silence, Tommy silently eyes Joel; preparing himself to have to stop his brother from strangling you in front of the entire Jackson community. Ellie then jumps out from her seat and starts cheering loudly and you chuckle out, taking a dramatic bow.

"Now, Joel..." Tommy attempts to divert his attention away from you as you step down from the stage.

Everyone sat with bated breath as you made your way toward Joel's table with a cocky smirk plastered on your lips.

"Joel" Tommy warns, jumping up to stop him when he gets up, but Ellie and Maria hold him back.

"What hell are ya two doing?!"

"Wait" Maria remarks as you and Joel meet each other in the centre of the room.

Placing a hand on your hip and cocking your head to the side; you smirk at him whilst striking a pose.

"Hey there, Mr. Grinch..."

Joel's eyes narrow to tight slits as he silently grinds his teeth whilst staring down at you for a second. Silent gasps ring out when he steps closer to you, reaching out to take the Santa hat off your head; Joel plops it onto his own, a broad smirk spreads across his lips as he pulls you flushed against him.

"Hi, Baby..." Joel drawls, tipping down to capture your lips in a deep kiss.

"What the fuck...?!" Tommy voice rings out, along with loudly gasps of surprise.

"Knew they were fucking long before this, FYI..." Ellie remarks smugly, causing both Tommy and Maria to scowl at her disapprovingly.

"What?" she shrugs at them.

"He's always looking at her all-googly-eyed... and she's even worse. Also caught him from my bedroom window; sneaking out of her house and back home in the early hours of the morning when no one's awake."

Joel and you chuckle into each other's mouths at her words, resting your foreheads against one another's with broad smiles.

You had your suspicious of her knowledge, but both had decided to keep your relationship a secret till now. Finally deciding after four months that it was time to make it public, as a matter of fact; it was Joel who had come with the idea of your performance when you had let him in on the town nickname for him.

What the residents didn't know; was that even with only one good ear, Joel had still managed to pick up on the word 'Grinch' being softly uttered whenever he was around. He wasn't too keen on it at first, not till you had told him that you found it to be a cute name for him. That 'How The Grinch Stole Christmas' had been one of your favorite Christmas movies as a child. That in the end Mr. Grinch wasn't as bad as everyone believed him to be just lonely and misunderstood, with a heart of gold hidden underneath all that grumpiness, just as your Joel.

When you playfully performed the Mr. Grinch song for him, Joel found it utterly amusing and that's how you came to be performing it tonight. Proving to everyone that your Mr. Grinch wasn't as bad as everyone believed him to be.

"C'mon Baby..." Joel slings his arm around your shoulder and directing you towards the table.

"Lead the way, Mr. Grinch..." you pat his ass affectionally, causing him to chuckle yet again as the rest of Jackson stared at the two of you weirdly. 

[pompadourpink]

Mr Grinch!

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch You really are a heel You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

Tu es un méchant, M. Grinch, Tu es vraiment une crapule Tu es aussi câlin qu’un cactus, tu es aussi charmant qu’une anguille, M. Grinch Tu es une brebis galeuse avec un pelage gras et noir!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch Your heart's an empty hole Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole!

Tu es un monstre, M. Grinch, Ton coeur est un trou vide Ton cerveau est plein d’araignées Tu as de l’ail dans l’âme, M. Grinch Je ne te toucherais pas avec un poteau de trente-neuf pieds et demi de long

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch You have termites in your smile You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch Given a choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile!

Tu es un vilain, M Grinch Il y a des termites dans ton sourire Tu as toute la tendre douceur d’un crocodile avec le mal de mer, M Grinch Si je devais choisir entre vous deux Je prendrais le crocodile qui a le mal de mer!

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch You're a nasty-wasty skunk Your heart is full of unwashed socks, Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch

Tu es un odieux personnage, M Grinch Tu es une mouffette qui pue Ton coeur est plein de chaussettes sales Ton âme est pleine de saletés, M. Grinch

[drippiesfm]

TASK 001: INTRODUCTION ⸻ DARIO LUNA

( drogon / damian priest, forty-five, cisgender man, he/him )  Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that DARIO LUNA is an MOTORBIKE MECHANIC that works in SECTOR 7. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of DRAGON PHYSIOLOGY + METAL MANIPULATION. That must be why they’re COMPASSIONATE and FRIGHTENING. If you ask me, they remind me of ❝ the way the metal curls at the touch like reshaping liquid thoughts, "you've got garlic in your soul ⸺ you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile" & metallic scales shimmering like chainmail ❞ They are affiliated with RUST & RUIN.

PINTEREST — PLAYLIST — INTRO ( COMING SOON ) —STATS

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

character name: dario luna

nickname (s): drogon, lbr

face claim: drogon / damian priest

mutation status: gen ii

birthday: april 2

sexuality: bisexual undertaker

moral alignment: true neutral

occupation: motorbike mechanic

work sector: sector 7.

affiliation: rust & ruin / the biker gang

3 positive traits: protective, courageous, instinctive

3 negative traits: aggressive, jealous, unpredictable

𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

gender: cisgender man / amab / male

height: 6′ 5″

markings: scorch marks along his forearms, and adorning the many muscles on that man. lots of muscle veins, guyliner ( it looks natural, okay), myriad tattoos & calloused hands

tattoos: everything damian priest has on his body

piercings: none

decorum: purple bandana, sleeveless shirts, choker with family sigil, leather vest/ jacket - all black most of the time, a lot of metal / chains, spikes, bulky rings, bracelets and necklaces. he also wears boots that do the jangle ( spurs )

scent: smoldering amber and black pepper

zodiac: aries

primary vice: loyalty

primary virtue: wrath

trope: the dragon, the protector, the reluctant lover, the gentle giant, the beast within, primal instincts, the one man army, the underdog, the wild spirit, the badass with a good heart

inspiration: this gif but also sandor clegane ( GOT ), toph ( atla ), obviously, red eyes black metal dragon ( yu gi oh ) , gajeel redfox ( that anime juwy said ), magneto but only in powers, and ofc drogon ( GOT )

residence: the skies lbr, but also sometimes with renato to make sure he's safe 

hobbies: metalworking / forging / blacksmithing, cooking ( puerto rican food ) / grilling, motorbike mechanic-ing, brawling / street fights, dragon flying, sleeping ( in a cozy nest or random lairs ), seeking a mate, breathing fire at targets, sunbathing

habits: destructive outbursts, overprotectiveness, aggression toward strangers, protecting his territory, self-sufficiency, protecting the vulnerable, brutal honesty, fighting for what’s right, self-reflection, quick to anger ( violence ), isolation ( emotional detachment ), grudge-holding ( obsessive vengeance )

questionnaire:

how do they feel about living in sol city? have they always lived there or did they travel from another settlement?

better than his sister ( ren's mom ) did. she left first finding solace in a different settlement. dario tried his best to visit up until their big fight™ he has been determined to find her ( flying around / scouting for a semblance of her despite not speaking for 14ish years ) but he never was able to find her face in a sea of bodies. he regrets not leaving when she did, perhaps if he had, then she'd be here and not lost. otherwise, sol city is fine.

do they trust the council’s leadership? why or why not?

no as a part of the motor gang rust and ruin, he doesn't trust the council to look out for the forgotten, the lost and the less fortunate. under min's leadership, he thinks there is a fighting chance to help justice take its course.

if they chose their sector and profession, why did they make that choice? if they didn’t, why not? were they happy with their assignment or not?

the profession chose him, with his metal working / metal manipulation, but he does not hate it, nor does he find it taxing. working with his hands is better than using his brain or having to think to make a living. because of his metal manip work comes easy.

what’s one object that they always keep on their person?

a purple bandana that is used to keep his hands clean from oil and grease while being a motorbike mechanic.

questionnaire ( mutant vers ):

what is your character’s ability (or abilities)?

drawing from their dragon-like physiology, they have enhanced agility, dexterity, and heightened senses, allowing for swift, precise movement and stealth in any environment. their sharp night vision and keen senses—smell, hearing, and tracking—enable them to navigate dark terrain and locate targets from a distance. in combat, their ability to manipulate metal gives them an edge. they can shape, bend, and forge metal with precision, creating weapons, barriers, and traps.

are they gen i or gen ii?

gen ii

what can your character do? what are their strengths?

dario is typically always the muscle of the group, combining dragon-like strength, agility, and durability with metal manipulation. his enhanced senses, including flight and tracking, make him highly effective in any environment. dario can shape and control metal with precision—creating weapons, barriers, and traps. his physical prowess, combined with his ability to manipulate metal, makes him the go-to for heavy combat and problem-solving, whether it's taking down enemies or protecting his team.

what can’t they do? what are their weaknesses?

while his dragon-like physiology grants him strength and durability, he’s not invincible. his body, though resilient, can still be injured by enough force or magical attacks, and his reliance on physical power sometimes leaves him at a disadvantage against opponents who outmaneuver or outthink him. his primal instincts can also cloud his judgment, especially in high-stress situations, making him impulsive and prone to rushing into battles without considering all the risks.

finally, his emotional attachment to his allies can be a double-edged sword. his protective instincts can sometimes lead him to overextend himself or make rash decisions to keep others safe, which can put him—and the group—at greater risk.

[armageddonfm]

welcome to SOL CITY, survivor! please make sure to review the checklist before sending your blog in. once accepted, you have 48 hours to send in your account and post ic. remember your ash mask!

( drogon / damian priest, forty-five, cisgender man, he/him )  Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that DARIO LUNA is an MOTORBIKE MECHANIC that works in SECTOR 7. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of DRAGON PHYSIOLOGY + METAL MANIPULATION. That must be why they’re COMPASSIONATE and FRIGHTENING. If you ask me, they remind me of ❝ the way the metal curls at the touch like reshaping liquid thoughts, "you've got garlic in your soul ⸺ you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile ! " & metallic scales shimmering like chainmail ❞ They are affiliated with NO ONE. ⸻ played by jer.

(Davika Hoorne, 36, cis-female, she/her) - Look who it is! If you take a look at our database, you’ll find that MINKE SAELI is a SECURITY ESCORT that works in SECTOR 1. According to the file, they’re a mutant with the power of ENHANCED BODY and WEAPONS MASTERY. That must be why they’re CALCULATED and COLD. If you ask me, they remind me of a mothers lullaby heard softly across the hall, the grazes that decorate bloodied knuckles and the fear you feel staring into the unknown. They are affiliated with NO-ONE. ⸻ played by juwy.

[proxylynn]

🎶You're a mean one, Mr. Horner. You really are a heel! You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Horner. You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel! You're a monster, Mr. Horner. Your heart's an empty hole! Your brain is full of spiders, You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Horner. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole! You're a vile one, Mr. Horner. You have termites in your smile! You have all the tender sweetness Of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Horner. Given the choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile! You're a foul one, Mr. Horner. You're a nasty wasty skunk! Your heart is full of unwashed socks, Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Horner. The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: "Stink! Stank! Stunk!" You're a rotter, Mr. Horner. You're the king of sinful sots! Your heart's a dead tomato splotched With moldy purple spots, Mr. Horner. Your soul is an appalling dump heap Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable Mangled up in tangled-up knots! You nauseate me, Mr. Horner, With a nauseous super "naus!" You're a crooked dirty jockey, And you drive a crooked horse, Mr. Horner. You're a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich With arsenic sauce!🎶

[The Jack that stole Christmas.]

{I love the idea that Jack hates the holiday but can tolerate it as long as he gets things...despite not giving back of course...But goes full Grinch/Scrooge the moment he feels he's not anyone's main priority.}

i'm trying to fight art block _(:3」∠)_

[winwin17]

Morrigan needs to change her summoning Wunder song to a slightly tweaked version of You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch from the animation of Dr. Seuss' "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," except change all the places where it says Mr. Grinch to say Mr. Squall instead. It would be perfect.

Consider:

"You're a mean one, Mr. [Squall],

You really are a heel,

You're as cuddly as a cactus,

You're as charming as an eel, Mr. [Squall]!

You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Mr. [Squall],

Your heart's an empty hole!

Your brain is full of spiders

You've got garlic in your soul,

Mr. [Squall]!

I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half-foot pole!

You're a vile one, Mr. [Squall],

You have termites in your smile,

You have all the tender sweetness

of a seasick crocodile, Mr. [Squall]!

Given the choice between the two of you,

I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a foul one, Mr. [Squall],

You're a nasty-wasty skunk!

Your heart is full of unwashed socks,

Your soul is full of gunk, Mr. [Squall]!

The three words that best describe you are as follows,

and I quote,

'Stink, stank, stunk!'

You're a rotter, Mr [Squall],

You're the king of sinful sots,

You're heart's a dead tomato

Splotched with moldy purple spots,

Mr. [Squall]!

Your soul is an appalling dump heap Overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,

Mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr [Squall],

With a nauseous super "naus"!

You're a crooked dirty jockey

And you drive a crooked hoss,

Mr. [Squall]!

You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich

With arsenic sauce!!!"

[unhonest-iago]

You're a Mean One Mr. Soot

You’re a mean one Mr. Soot

You really are a dandy

You’re as cuddly as a thistle, you’re as charming as a muppet Mr. Soot

You’re a broken whistle with a tone deaf overture!

You're decrepit, Mr. Soot

Your heart's an empty hole

Your brain is full of ants, you've got sand in your soul, Mr. Soot

I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You’re a cheeky one, Mr. Soot

You have roaches in your smile

You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Soot

Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a rotter, Mr. Soot

You're the king of sinful sods

Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy yellow spuds, Mr. Soot

Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful

Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Soot

With a nauseous super “naus"!

You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Mr. Soot

You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!

[timelord985]

You're a mean one, Conquerer

You really are a heel

You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel, Conquerer

You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel

You're a monster, Conquerer

Your heart's an empty hole

Your brain is full of spiders

You've got garlic in your soul, Conquerer

I wouldn't touch you with a 39 and a half foot pole

You're a vile one, Conquerer

You have termites in your smile

You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Conquerer

Given a choice between the two of you I'd take the seasick crocodile

You're a foul one, Conquerer

You're a nasty wasty skunk

Your heart is full of unwashed socks

Your soul is full of gunk, Conquerer

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote

"Stink, stank, stunk"

You're a rotter, Conquerer

You're the king of sinful sots

Your heart's a dead tomato

Splotched with moldy purple spots, Conquerer

Your soul is an appalling dump heap

Overflowing with the most disgraceful

Assortment of deplorable rubbish

Imaginable, mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Conquerer

With a nauseous super "naus"

You're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, Conquerer

You're a three decker sauerkraut and

Toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce

Wow! Just replacing Mr. Grinch with my name. How Original. /s

[lspiritomb]

You are mean ones, Salmonids You really are some heels You're as cuddly as cactuses, you're as charming as deep sea eels Salmonids You're a bad banana bunch with a greasy black peel!

You are monsters, Salmonids Your hearts are empty holes Your brains are full of spiders, you've got garlic in your souls Salmonids I wouldn't touch any of you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot roller!

You are vile ones, Salmonids You have termites in your smiles You have all the tender sweetness of seasick crocodiles Salmonids Given a choice between the two species I'd take the seasick crocodiles!

You are foul ones, Salmonids You're all nasty sea hares Your hearts are full of unwashed socks, your souls rot the air Salmonids The three words that best describe you all are as follows, and I quote "Stink, stank, stunk!"

You are rotters, Salmonids You're a kingdom of sinful sots Your hearts are dead tomatoes splotched with moldy purple spots Salmonids Your kind is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable Mangled up in tangled up knots!

You nauseate me, Salmonids With a nauseous super "naus"! You are crooked jerky jockeys and you all drive crooked hosses Salmonids You're a buffet of three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwiches With arsenic sauce!

listen I have but one desire for Frosty Fest,

[fyon-luna-13]

You're a mean one, Mr. Agreste

You really are a heel

You're as cuddly as a cactus

You're as charming as an eel

Mr. Agreste

You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel

You're a monster, Mr. Agreste

Your heart's an empty hole

Your brain is full of spiders

You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Agreste

I wouldn't touch you with a

Thirty-nine and a half foot pole

You're a vile one, Mr. Agreste

You have termites in your smile

You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile

Mr. Agreste

Given the choice between the two of you

I'd take the seasick crocodile

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch

You're a nasty wasty skunk

Your heart is full of unwashed socks

Your soul is full of gunk

Mr. Agreste

The three best words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote

Stink

Stank

Stunk

Mr. Agreste

You're a crooked jerky jockey

And you drive a crooked horse

Mr. Agreste

You're a toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce

You're a rotter Mr. Agreste

You're the king of sinful sots.

Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots.

Mr. Agreste

Mr. Agreste

Mr. Agreste

Your soul is an appalling dump heap

Overflowing with the most disgraceful

Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable

Mangled up in tangled up knots

Mr. Agreste

----

This is his new theme song now.

[mycatshuman]

The Emo Who Stole Christmas

Chapter 4 : You're A Mean One Mr. Grinch or Virgil and Roman Are Done With the Who's and Decide to Get Back at Them.

Word Count: 3,477

Warnings: stealing of Christmas, may be some cursing, grown adult blaming a child for their problems, let me know if I missed any

Pairings: Pre-established Prinxiety and Logicality and Demus

Masterlist | Previous | Next | More Chapters

Again, a big thank you to @icequeenoriginal for being the co-creator. This was a mother-daughter effort and I love it.

❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄

Virgil stood staring down at the Whoville in the ice-cold snow. 

Yes, the Grinch knew that tomorrow all the Whos would wake bright and early and rush for their toys. 

"And then, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise, noise, noise!" Virgil exclaimed as he stomped around. "They'll bang on tong-tinglers. They'll blow their floo-flounders. They'll crash on Jang-jinglers and bounce on boing-bouncers!" He held his hands to his ears as if he could already hear the horrific noise. 

Then Whos young and old would sit down to feast. 

"And they'll ready and they'll feast. And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast!!" Virgil exclaimed as he stomped around. "They'll eat their Who pudding! And rare Who roast beast! And that's something I can not stand in the least." Virgil paused in his ranting. "Oh no!" He exclaimed horrified. "I'm speaking in rhyme!" He cried out. "Blast you Whos!" He exclaimed as he fell to his knees. 

The more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring…the more the Grinch thought...

"I must stop this whole thing!" Virgil exclaimed as he stood up and paced. "For year after year, I've put up with it now! I must stop this Christmas from coming! But how?" Virgil blinked. "I mean, in what way?" He let out an annoyed growl and turned to walk inside. He opened the door and was hit with a blast of cheery Christmas music. 

"Christmas is going to the dogs!" Virgil blinked as he watches Remy lazily bath himself to the music. Virgil opened his mouth only to close it again confused. He quickly jumped at the sound of his door opening and turned to find Roman dressed in sweats.

"Roman?" Virgil asked concerned. "How are you feeling?" Roman shuffled forward and fell forward into his lover's arms. Virgil's arms came up to wrap around the other and envelope him in a hug. 

"Virgil…I want to live with you. I don't want to be down there anymore. Not with the way they keep treating me, like some ornament meant to be stared at or ignored! Please! I don't care if someone finds out, I can't live there anymore!”

Virgil blinked rapidly. "Love," he started. "Are you 100% sure about this?" Roman nodded. Virgil sighed and ran his hands through the other soft curls. 

"Virgil?" Roman asked softly after a while. 

"Hmm?"

"I want to make them pay. I want them to understand. I don't-I want them to-" Roman groaned and hurried his face in Virgil's chest, ironically too emotionally exhausted to deal with his emotions.  Virgil frowned and snuggled the other closer trying to provide as much comfort as he could. Then, his mind began to whirl. 

Then the Grinch got an idea. An awful idea. The Grinch got a wonderful awful idea. 

Virgil pulled away from Roman and announced. ”I’m going to steal Christmas.” Roman blinked as Virgil smirked. "They want to hurt you so bad, they'll lose Christmas. And if they want a monster, then I'll show them a monster!" 

Roman hopped up, finally finding some energy. "Yes! I'll go make the costume. You work on the sleigh!" He turned to Remy only to stop. "And you just keep bathing yourself." Roman ran off and began working while Virgil started on the monstrous sleigh. 

”With this coat and this hat, he'll look just like Saint Nick!" Roman exclaimed. As they worked, Roman's voice sang a little song he had composed from all of the stupid rumors about the Grinch. "'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch,'"  Virgil chuckled as he heard the other sing. "'You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch! You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!" Roman walked over to Virgil with the hat and place it on his head as he sang and place a quick kiss to his cheeks before going back to work on the jacket. "'Just face the music, you're a monster, Mr. Grinch, yes, you are. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders. You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.'" Virgil snorted as Roman danced around with the jacket before sitting on a table out of his way so he could work on the pants. "You know, if you ask the Who's Who of Whoville, No one's denyin”  Virgil spared a glance at Roman and smiled. Boy did he love him. 

"'You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch." Roman picked up the song again. "'You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. Given the choice between you, I'd take the seasick crocodile!" Virgil giggled as Roman tossed the pants over to the same table. He closed the front door behind him after having moved the sleigh outside and walked over to Roman. He wrapped him in a hug and kissed his temple. Roman hummed happily. Virgil hated to have to wipe the smile from his face. 

"Roman," Roman made a small noise of acknowledgment. "I'm going to need you to go home. Just for tonight."

Roman ripped himself away from Virgil. "What?! Why?!" 

"I can't have you helping me-" 

"No! You can't--no!" 

"Roman, please-"

"No! No! No!" 

"Roman, I can't have you getting in trouble. I want to make sure if you ever want to go back, you can! I can't bare to have you help and then regret it and then want to leave but you can't because you've been shunned. Please, Roman. This is all I ask. Just this one night. Please." 

Roman stared at Virgil for a while before reluctantly nodding. "Okay," he whispered. He wasn't happy about it, but he knew it would make Virgil feel better about everything. "Okay, just-" Roman moved forward and placed a hand on Virgil's cheek. "Be careful, okay?" Virgil nodded. "Thank you." Roman pushed up on his tiptoes and gave the other a light kiss. "I'll see you later." 

"See you later," Virgil promised

-----

Virgil sat with Remy watching Santa through a telescope. "He should be finishing up anytime now. Wanna talk about a recluse? He only comes out once a year but does he catch any hate for it? No! He probably lives up there just to avoid the taxes." Virgil ranted. He paused as he watched as Santa flew away in his sleigh. "Whoops. I forgot about the reindeer…" 

Did that stop the old Grinch? No, the Grinch simply said: 

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead." Virgil turned around and faced Remy. "Remy!" Remy rolled his eyes and prepared himself to wear a headband with antlers. Virgil quickly found a reindeer headband and placed it on his cat's head before placing a red nose on his nose. "Okay, you're a reindeer and your motivation is that you're a deer with a red nose and nobody likes you. One day, you save Christmas-" Virgil paused. "Ignore that. We'll just improvise. You hate Christmas! You're gonna steal it! Saving Christmas was such a lousy ending. Okay and action!" 

Remy glared at Virgil before knocking the red nose off. Virgil blinked and then he gasped. "Brilliant! You regret your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism! Why didn't I think of that?" Then Virgil walked off and climbed into the sleigh along with Remy. 

Virgil flipped the switch and the sleigh came life, vibrating with power. "That feels good." Virgil turned to Remy "Here goes nothing," and he pressed the bottom to start actually start moving. The sleigh rose up in the air and Virgil grinned. "Wow! It actually works! Okay! Let's go! On, Crasher! On Thrasher! On, Vomit and Blitzkrieg!!!" Virgil screamed as the sleigh shot off and began spinning violently, turning over and over. "We're gonna die!" Virgil shrieked. "We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up! And then we're gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop!!" He cried, eventually he was able to wrangle control of the sleigh and they flew smoothly through the sky. Virgil stayed frozen for a moment before allowing himself to slightly relax. He let out a sigh of relief. "Almost lost my cool there." 

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air. All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care when he came to the first little house on the square…

Virgil slowly brought down the sleigh on top of the roof of an overly decorated house. He noticed a traffic light among the variety of lights. "Weird." He turned back to Remy. "This will be our first stop."

The old Grinchy Claus hissed. And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist. He'd slide down the chimney, a rather tight pinch, but if Santa could do it, so could the Grinch.

Virgil stood up and tied a rope around his waist. He stepped up onto the edge of the chimney and prepared to dive. "He's planning a double-twisted interrupted forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and like. A high degree of difficulty," Virgil muttered and jumped and dove headfirst down into the chimney. 

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two…

Virgil groaned quietly. "Stupid suit," muttered, referring to the furry suit of the Grinch. Something that helped him scare kids off and leave him alone now was slowing him down from his biggest scare of all. He huffed.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue. 

"A little more stealth, Thomas, please." 

Thomas lowered his voice. Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row. 

"These stockings," he grinned. "Are the first things to go." The Grinch opened a jar and turned it upside down, shaking out moths. "Alright, fellas, chow time." The moths quickly gobbled up the stockings. 

Then he slunk to the icebox. 

"Slunk?" 

He eyed the Whos' feast. He took the Who pudding. He took the roast beast. 

"Hike!" Virgil called out as he launched the roast beast through his legs like a football player. 

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash. Why that Grinch, even took their last can of Who-hash. Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee. 

Virgil threw the bag up the chimney and spun around to face the tree. "And now," grinned the Grinch. "I'll stuff up the tree!" And the Grinch grabbed the tree and he started to shove, when he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. 

Virgil turned to find Emile and grimaced. He felt really bad about this….

"Excuse me" Emile called softly. 

The Grinch had been caught by this tiny Who child, who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water. 

"Mr. Santa, what are you doing with our tree?" 

But you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick, he thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick. 

"Why my sweet little tot!" Virgil exclaimed grandly. "There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So, I'm taking it home to my workshop, sweet child. "I'll fix it up there, then I'll bring it back here."

Emile narrowed their eyes. "Santa, what's Christmas really about?" 

"Vengeance!" Virgil exclaimed before remembering he was supposed to be pretending he was the perfect Who Santa. "I mean...presents, I suppose." 

Emile frowned. "I was afraid of that." 

And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted their head and got them a drink, and he sent them to bed. 

Emile paused their journey up the stairs. "Santa?"

"What?" Virgil asked. 

"Don't forget the Grinch-" 

Virgil couldn't take it anymore and walk out from behind the tree. "I'm sorry." 

Emile blinked and furrowed their brows. "Why?" 

Virgil bit his lip. "To show you all what's more important ...and to get back at everyone for upsetting Roman." 

Emile nodded. "Okay. Well...good luck, Virgil." 

And when Emile Lou went up with their cup, the Grinch went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. Virgil quickly shot the tree up the chimney and grabbed everything else before climbing back up the chimney. And the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls, he left nothing but some hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he'd left in the house, was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Virgil reached down and picked the mouse up deciding to allow it to eat something so long as it wasn't in a Whos’ house. Then he slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around each Who home and he took every present. 

Virgil took a saw and cut a circle above his head and the floor fell through along with the Christmas tree and its presents. He stepped up through the hole and smirked. "They're in sale. Everything must go." And he began to take it all. 

------

Virgil froze as he stepped into the bedroom of a magazine picture-perfect house. Oh. This was Roman's house. He glanced around at the decorations and found himself smiling fondly. He should have known. Everything just screamed Roman from the abundance of reds, whites, and golds. He carefully walked over to the bedside table and noticed the ring box the mayor had given Roman. He nearly growled as he went to take it before noticing something else. It was his gift. The one he had made for Roman all those years ago. Virgil's eyes watered and he forced himself to blink the tears away. He shook his head and quickly snatched the ring box off of the table. He went to move only to be stopped by a tan hand yanking him down and lips crashing into his. Virgil blinked in surprise before happily giving into Roman and allowing the other to wrap his arms around his neck. 

Roman pulled away after kissing Virgil senseless. "Virgil," he asked softly. "Please, let me help." Virgil bit his lip. "I suppose..." He started. "You can help...but...just promise that if we get caught, you say I forced you to do it, okay?" 

Roman's eyes widened in surprise. "Wait! No! I can't-" 

"Then I can't let you help." 

Roman blinked. "I-okay," he sighed in defeat. "I'll tell them you forced me." Virgil let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." 

-----

Roman froze as he finally dragged the attention away from Virgil's hiding place. He hadn't realized the Whos would put out guards to guard the path leading to Mount Crumpit after everyone went to bed to protect from the Grinch. From Virgil. But Virgil ran out of fuel for his rocket sleigh and he had to drag it up the mountain himself. But they were losing moonlight, and the long way around wouldn't work. So Roman offered to try and distract them. But now, he was very nervous. The Who guards had rounded on him. Accusing him of being in league with the Grinch. Of course, he was, but Virgil had made him promise and he wasn't about to break his promise. 

"You really think I'm in league with the Grinch?" Roman asked the guards. 

They nodded. "Yeah, why else wouldn't you have immediately said yes to Mayor Anton's proposal?” 

Roman grimaced. He really hated the mayor. 

"If I really hated the Grinch, would I do this?" Then Roman started his song. "'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel, You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch. You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel. Just face the music, you're a monster, Mr. Grinch, yes, you are. Your heart's an empty hole, Your brain is full of spiders, You've got garlic in your soul, Mr. Grinch. I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. You know, if you ask the Who's Who of Whoville No one's denyin'. You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness Of a seasick crocodile, Mr. Grinch. Given the choice between you, I'd take the seasick crocodile.'" 

As Roman sang, he watched Virgil carefully carry the sleigh behind the two guards and try to rush up the path until he wouldn't be noticed. 

"I suppose not," one of the guards said once Roman's song was done. Then they both turned back to face the mountain. 

Roman blinked. Surely it can't be that easy! But it seemed it was. So he turned and quickly found the nearest garbage chute and took a ride to the top of Mount Crumpit. Prepared to meet his love at the top. 

----

3,000 feet up, up the side of Mount Crumpit, he rode with his load to the tip top to dump it.

Virgil grunted as he set the sleigh down carefully in the snow and turned to face Roman who was standing before him. "We did it!" He exclaimed excitedly. Roman grinned, leaped into his arms and wrapped him in a tight hug. Virgil placed a kiss to Roman's lips before setting him back down on his own feet. Virgil turned to Remy. "That wasn't so bad, was it Remy?" 

Remy rolled his eyes as he remembered at least 30 different breakdowns Virgil had had along the way. 

Roman turned towards the horizon. "They'll be waking up now," he said. "I know just what they'll do. All of them down in Whoville will all cry!”

----

"What an embarrassment! I've been robbed!" The sheriff of Whoville exclaimed as she rushed out of her house to her car. She climbed in and turned the siren on blissfully unaware of the rope attached to her bumper. She quickly drove off. 

Mayor Anton awoke with a start and suddenly, his bed crashed through the big window in his room with him in it. As Whos came out of their homes they watched as the mayor slid past on his bed. As the sheriff made a turn around the Christmas tree in the middle of town, the Mayor's bed slid around and came to an abrupt stop.  

The sheriff stepped out of her car and stopped as she noticed the mayor. "Mayor May-Who?" 

The mayor quickly jumped out of bed and pulled on his robe that was luckily still attached to the bed. He looked around noticing the damage. He frowned. "I wonder who could have done this," he said as he noticed Emile and their family come into view. "I'll tell you one thing: Invite the Grinch destroy Christmas." He raised his hands and beat on his bed. "Invite the Grinch destroy Christmas!!" He paused to take a breath and Emile frowned. "But did anyone, anyone listen to me?" 

"I did!" The mayor's assistant piped in but the mayor ignored him. 

"No. You choose to listen to a little not-to-be-taken-seriously child. And they haven't even grown into their nose yet." Anton shook his head. "Emile, I hope you're very proud of what you have done." With that, the mayor turned around. 

Emile frowned and looked down as tears welled in their eyes. 

"If they aren't, then I am!” 

Mayor Anton turned around to see Patton, Emile's dad, and Logan, their father had stepped in front of them. "What?" He asked, not sure if he had heard correctly. 

"I said, if they aren't, then I am. I'm glad he took our presents."

Who's around all gasped as the Mayor gawked at them. "You're glad? He's glad!" The mayor shouted to the crowd. "You're glad that everything is gone.? You're glad the Grinch virtually wrecked…? No, no. Not wrecked, pulverized Christmas. Is that really what I'm hearing?" 

Patton sighed. "You can't hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor. It's not about the gifts, or contests or the fancy lights." He turned and gestured to Emile who's face showed hopefulness. 

"That's what Emile has been trying to tell everybody. "

The mayor blinked. "What is wrong with you!?! This is a child!" 

Patton pulled Emile close against his side. "They're my child. They happen to by right by the way." Patton turned towards his family. "I don't need anything more for Christmas than what's right here, my family."

The Who's all erupted into cheers and began telling each other Merry Christmas. Emile smiled brightly. They finally understood. Logan grabbed a hold of Patton's robe. "Merry Christmas honey!" He yanked Patton into a kiss. Missy and Pranks covered their mouths like they were going to be sick as they moved away from their parents. 

"Give me a break!" The mayor cried out as he turned away. 

Meanwhile, Emile was looking up at Mount Crumpit before they moved to find a garbage chute. "No one should be alone on Christmas," they whispered as the hit the side and started their ride to the top of the mountain. 

❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄🎅🎄❄

Everything Taglist: @spxced-oxt @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @maryann-draws

The Emo Who Stole Christmas Taglist: @logical-princey @mostpeopleannoyne

May I suggest listening to this song as mom or you know @ icequeenoriginal showed it to me saying this is how extra Roman is singing the song and I quite agree.

[lilyspond64]

like "youre a mean one mr grinch" is fine. theyre calling him mean. valid criticism.

"you really are a heel" ok we get it, hes mean.

"youre as cuddly as a cactus" what the fuck

"youre as charming as an eel" why are you comparing him to a snake like fish rn chill out

"mr grinch, you're a bad banana with a greasy black peel" this is such a fucking diss why is this whole song such a harsh diss track on the grinch

"youre a monster mr grinch" ok this is just an asshole thing to say

"your hearts an empty hole" again is this really necessary

"your brain is full of spiders" ok so youre attacking all his internal organs now. are you calling him stupid or something. or like, evil??

"you've got garlic in your soul" tbh this is tame. garlic isnt evil or bad or rotten its just pungent and rather tasty. garlic soul sounds awesome.

"mr grinch, i wouldn't touch you with a thirty nine and a half foot pole!" wait is this like a "you're physically disgusting and dont bathe so i dont wanna touch your filthy skin" or is it saying he gets no bitches

"you're a foul one, mr grinch" ok i think its the filthy one unless this is foul in a more figurative way

"you've got termites in your smile" what does this MEAN did you just make up a random gross bug to live in his teeth. do they eat the teeth like wood? ok so he has bad dental hygiene. how does that speak to his morality.

"you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile" ur so mean :( crocodiles are trying their best ok. ok but fine this is a fair criticism. not loving or caring i guess.

"mr grinch, given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile!" i mean so would i, crocodiles are awesome. but like was this really necessary. you made your point.

"you're a vile one, mr grinch" ok another synonym of foul. you think hes gross. damn

"you're a nasty wasty skunk" ok so he smells bad. sorry he smells bad i guess. his bad for not showering. or something. that's why you hate him, hes not an asshole, rude and mean, destructive. hes stinky. damn.

"your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, mr grinch." im assuming this is metaphorical and that these gross things speak to his morality and demeanor and not his literal physical stench and toxicity. hes not fun to hang out with. ok but why. explain.

"mr grinch, the three words that best describe you are as follows, and i quote "stink, stank, stunk!"" YOU'RE JUST CALLING HIM STINKY IS THIS SONG JUST TELLING HIM HES STINKY OVER AND OVER tbh the grinch being mean and mad all the time makes sense everyone is so mean to him like some people smell im sorry

"you're a rotter, mr. grinch" like a rotten person im assuming. ok youve said this move on to your actual point

"you're the king of sinful sots" what does sot mean and ok so i guess hes sinful. ok. what are his sins. why are they sins. is the sin that he smells. is that the sin.

"your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots" these metaphors are so descriptive making them hurt so much worse

"mr. grinch, your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots!" this literally breaks your syllable count on purpose you just wanted to say fuck you real hard like calm the fuck down did he kill your whole family

"you nauseate me, mr. grinch" if i didnt know any better id say this is cause hes evil and fucked up and you cant stand his actions. but no i think he just smells bad and that makes you nauseous. fair i guess but its not worth a whole diss track

"with a nauseous super naus!" thats not a word you made that up specifically to shit on the grinch. hasn't he been through enough

"you're a crooked dirty jockey and you drive a crooked hoss, mr. grinch," is this calling him a scammer, liar, and cheater? is he a scam artist? this is a weird way to say it and also not a thing he does in any incarnation but if he is then that's a fair criticism

"mr. grinch, you're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!" this is the last line of the song and I STILL HAVE ZERO INFORMATION ON WHAT HE DID ALL I KNOW IS HE SMELLS BAD AND HAS BAD HYGIENE!! IT SOUNDS LIKE HE NEEDS YOUR LOVE NOT A DISS TRACK ASSHOLE

why are they so mean to the grinch

[hitchell-mope]

You’re a mean one mister Hook by the sisters rotten

Mal: You're a mean one, Mr. Hook

You really are a heel

Evie: You're as cuddly as a cactus

You're as charming as an eel

Mr. Hook

Both: You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel

Mal: You're a monster, Mr. Hook

Your heart's an empty hole

Evie: Your brain is full of spiders

You've got garlic in your soul, Mr Hook

I wouldn't touch you with a

Thirty-nine and a half foot pole

Both: You're a vile one, Mr. Hook

You have termites in your smile

You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile

Mr Hook

Mal: Given the choice between the two of them

I'd take the um

Both: seasick crocodile

Evie: You're a rotter Mr Hook

Mal: You're the king of sinful sots

Both: Your heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots

Mr Hook

Evie: You're a three-decker sauerkraut

And toadstool sandwich

Both: With arsenic sauce

Mal: You nauseate me, Mr Hook

Evie: With a nauseous super nos

Mal: You're a crooked jerky jockey and

Evie: You drive a crooked horse

Both: Mr Hook

Evie: Your soul is an appalling dump heap

Mal: Overflowing with the most disgraceful

Evie: Assortment of disgraceful rubbish imaginable

Both: Mangled up in tangled up knots

Mal: You're a foul one, Mr. Hook

Evie: You're a nasty wasty skunk

Mal: Your heart is full of unwashed socks

Evie: Your soul is full of gunk

Both: Mr Hook

Evie: The three words that best describe you

Mal: Are as follows,

Evie: and I quote"

Mal: Stink

Evie: Stank

Both: Stunk

[lcrdnihl]

" I would not have sex with you if you were the last person on earth. Know why? You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus. You're as charming as an eelMr. GrinchYou're a bad banana with a greasy black peel. You're a monster, Nihl. Your heart's an empty hole. Your brain is full of spiders. You've got garlic in your soul, Nihl. I wouldn't touch you with a. Thirty-nine and a half foot pole. You're a vile one, Nihl. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness -->

Send me meme worthy master pieces | always accepting oh my god

of a seasick crocodile, Nihl. Given the choice between the two of you I’d take the seasick crocodile. You’re a foul one, Nihl. You’re a nasty wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk, Nihl. The three best words that best describe you. Are as follows, and I quote, ‘Stink. Stank. Stunk’. “

                     “Darth Talon, you are quite the arrogant cunt if you presume I would have sex with you at all. Even without your long winded rant, I wouldn’t fuck you to save my own life. Rest assured, you can sleep easy knowing the thought has never crossed my mind.”