#You unironically have a chapter titled 'At least she was good for something'

[nitewrighter]

No, I don't mind that you tagged your M/M fic with a past M/F pairing, I *do* mind that you can smell the misogyny on it from 87 miles away.

[wisteria-blooms]

long hair & tattoos (bill weasley & reader) (13/15)

CHAPTER DIRECTORY

CHAPTER 13: Lucius's uncharacteristic admiration for Bill indicates that your initial plan may have worked a little too well. With your cousin's wedding and the tail end of the trip fast approaching, you attempt to make the best of Nice with Bill. (4.4k words) TAG LIST MOVED TO THE BOTTOM! Let me know if you'd like to be added or if I missed you. :)

A/N: I can't believe there are... just two chapters to go. I ended up changing the title of this chapter because I'm unironically listening to too much Your Body is a Wonderland.... but the next one will be titled "matters of matrimony (a mile away)." Hope you enjoy! (And okay, why does Domhnall Gleeson look so good in this GIF - hello sir, I would like to kiss you).

CHAPTER 13: STRAWBERRY WONDERLAND

Bill was right.

The scene at dinner was something to behold indeed, extraterrestrial even, like your father had been abducted and replaced by an alien. As you gathered on the terrace before dinner, Lucius was in obviously high spirits. He had a firm hand on Bill’s shoulder, the other holding a glass of wine as they gaily recounted today’s game. His cheeks were tinged pink. There was no way Lucius wasn’t drunk.

“Dobby,” you called. The house elf trotted over to you immediately. You pointed at your father. “How much have you served him?”

The house elf squeaked. “Dobby has only poured everyone one glass.”

“Did he drink before?”

“Perhaps at the golf game with master’s brother, but Dobby can’t be sure.”

Your conversation was cut short by Bill laughing at something that your father said.  You, Narcissa, and Draco observed from the sidelines, forgotten by the patriarch, in awe.

Lucius’s odd behaviour didn’t stop when you were sat around the table either. He motioned for Bill to be seated by him around the round table, leaving you shoulder-to-shoulder with Draco. At some point, you’d just given up and accepted the circumstances. That was, until Lucius announced another round of golf next week.

“Another game?” you asked.

“Theodore is looking for a rematch,” Lucius said with a pleased chortle. “He says the Paris estate wasn’t ideal for a game.”

“It was more than fine,” Draco remarked. “Nothing is ideal if Uncle Theodore doesn’t have the upper hand.”

“William was being very humble earlier today.” Lucius looked at William. “He had more than a decent stroke.”

“Long and hard, right?” Draco whispered to you. This time, you were able to get a firm kick in. He recoiled in pain when your foot hit his ankle.  

“I’d say it was beginner’s luck,” Bill deflected.

“Nonsense,” Lucius tutted, taking another sip of wine. “I’m expecting you to bring your best game next week.”

Alright, this was something you did not have on your bingo card when you asked Bill to meet your family.

In the segue from the bouillabaisse into the dessert, Narcissa changed the topic. “Genevieve is very stressed about her wedding,” she explained with a long sigh. “There are some last-minute problems with the venue and her favourite butler is out with a nasty cold.”

“How awful,” you said, sarcasm dusting your tone.

“Don’t underestimate how much effort her parents are putting into this, (Y/N). It’s an intricate process and it has to be perfect,” Narcissa continued. “I’m sure if you need help when it’s your time to plan a wedding, you could always ask Genevieve.”

“No need,” you said with a wave with your free hand. “I’m getting married at the Three Broomsticks. I won’t be spending barrels of galleons on liquor, at least. It’s dirt cheap there.”

Bill stifled a chuckle behind his napkin. You sat up straighter, knowing he agreed with you.

“Speaking of liquor,” Lucius interrupted, rerouting the conversation back to him. “William, won’t you join me after dinner to sample some of my aged scotch?”

In another rare moment of solidarity, you and Draco looked at each other with disgusted expressions.

“Exactly what happened at the game?” you whispered to Draco. “Did Uncle Theo perform Imperio on father when you weren’t looking?”

 Draco shrugged, a snarl on his face, equally as confused as you at the foreign being inhabiting your father’s body.

After dinner, Lucius snuck Bill away to develop a winning strategy over scotch. You huffed. You did not expect to be competing with your father for Bill’s heart.

The next couple of days were spent lounging around the house with Bill (when Lucius would let him go, because it was nearing the rematch with Uncle Theodore and their strategy devising sessions only grew in length). It got unbearably hot mid-day, so you often watched Bill work away from the bed, basking in the comfortable silence. When he was tired of sitting and you were tired of reading, you both ran downstairs for a midday swim. Gone was your aversion to getting too wet and wild and soon, you were on your back, drifting through the water, soaking up the rays, and watching the pale blue sky up above. Back on the sand, you soaked up Bill. You peered at him from under your shades every time he stretched a tight knot of muscle, every time water dripped down his soft ringlets of hair when he came back to shore. The hot sun lightened his hair to a strawberry blonde colour and you were not one to complain.

When you weren’t wading waters, you were back to wading through thick sheets, napping and wishing Bill was right beside you. You imagined your limbs tangled around his, his hands in your hair, as you enjoyed your siesta.

The day of the rematch with Uncle Theodore was also the day you went to tea with your mother and her friend.  When you returned home, you could tell from Bill and your father’s gaits and smiles that they’d been victorious. Your father borrowed Bill the next day and you didn't see him until midnight, when the sliver of light from Bill opening the door woke you.

Three evenings before the wedding, when you didn’t know how much more you could read, you put your magazine down on the bed. “Let’s get out of here and do something,” you suggested.

“What do you fancy?” Bill asked, turning around from his chair. He placed his arm on the backrest and looked at you, beckoning a response.

“I’d like to spend a day in town.”

“Then let’s spend a day in town tomorrow.”

A huge grin spread across your face. “Really?”

“Of course,” Bill reassured. “Let’s make the most out of the last few days.”

The weather was perfect the next morning for your expedition – all sunshine with a gentle breeze and not a cloud in the sky. At nine in the morning, you would’ve been out the door if you weren’t holding things up. Bill had easily chosen something to wear and sat on the bed waiting for you. He looked dapper in a navy polo that fit his torso perfectly, white shorts, and loafers. You, however, took your sweet time to waffle over your closet. You wanted to wear something nice and flowy to match him, but didn’t want to look overdone. Navy? Talk about trying too hard to be seen as a couple; was it corny to match colours with a partner? A simple skirt? Was that too casual? A dress? Was that too much?

“It’s the city, not a runway,” Bill jested.

‘For me, it is,’ you thought. You made the fatal mistake of turning around to look at him. Bill laid against the bedframe, arms behind his head. You were too entranced by his position and prominent triceps to say any actual words. So, you just gawked with a hanger in your hands, wondering if you should just not wear any clothes at all and spend the day mounting him and kissing him in this position—

Instead, you huffed and turned back around, ignoring Bill’s chuckle reverberating in your reddening ears. Your eyes then landed on a soft blush dress on the hanger. It had short sleeves and was long, draping right down to the ankles. But it had a cute slit and an open back that dampened its dressiness.

This was it. This was the dress.

You grabbed it off the hanger and went immediately to change.

Strolling Nice was different with Bill. It was fun. It was like a date. He made the sticky heat feel like a warm hug, the dilapidated buildings feel rich with history, and the fading yellow paint of the buildings look sun-kissed. With him, you wanted to pass time in every single store just to peruse and not to visit out of necessity. You wanted to run down every corridor and alleyway to see every crevice of the city that you couldn’t see with your family.

As you strolled down a busy sidewalk with him, a faint feeling of romance in the air enveloped the two of you, even though you weren’t holding Bill’s hand (as much as you wished you were).

After a quick lunch, you stopped for ice-cream at a familiar shop. You’d come here every year since you were young. You joined the queue and stared at the selection behind the cold glass intently.

“Do you want anything?” you asked Bill.

“I’m alright.” Bill looked over the selection with you, his height giving him an advantage. “Strawberry?”

“How’d you know?”

“You told me,” Bill reminded. “I reckon it’s still in my notebook from months ago.”

“You’re as studious as ever,” you remarked.

“I was afraid I’d be asked at the first dinner,” he joked.

“There was no chance they’d ask you that.” You shook your head. “You remember the topic of me taking your last name was the most heated conversation of the night?”

Before you could explore that memory any longer, you were next in line. You placed your order, paid your bezants, and waited by the side. The cup came with two spoons. You grinned sheepishly at Bill at the attendant’s misinterpretation of your relationship status, but he seemed unbothered. You walked over with him to a nearby water fountain, bedazzled by a marble sculpture of a French wizard, and sat on a bench in the plaza. The light mist from the fountain and an overhead umbrella provided some liberation from the heat.

“Are you sure you don’t want a taste?” you asked, gently prodding him with the spoon. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “It is your favourite.”

“Your loss, Bill. This is much better than Florean’s,” you commented. Then you thought of the sweet man running the parlor alone in Diagon Alley. “Sorry, Florean.”

“If you insist,” Bill conceded. “I do think it’s proper hot out here.”

You gave Bill the other spoon and nudged the cup closer to him.

“What did you do with my dad the other day?” you asked, greedily dolloping a chunk of strawberry in ice-cream. That was the long stretch of day where Lucius had, to your chagrin, borrowed Bill and you didn’t see him until the creak of the door opening woke you up at midnight.

“Nothing out of the ordinary,” he responded with a casual shrug. “He showed me around the house and we went to buy a suit.”

Your mouth rounded. “He what?”

“For your cousin’s wedding,” Bill said, his tone teasing. “I didn’t have suitable attire for the occasion. I wasn’t informed.”

“I wonder who’s fault that is,” you mocked with a self-depreciating laugh. You pointed your spoon to yourself in guilt.

“I wonder—” Bill mused. He swung an arm over on the bench, and the temptation to move closer into him was reaching a feverish pitch. He locked eyes with you for seconds longer than needed and there were no words to satiate the silence. His gaze was intense, and you felt your cheeks turning the colour of the ripe strawberries in your dessert. You were immobilized when he began inching closer to you, his eyes boring into yours until you could see your reflection in them.

When his other hand reached out towards your cheek, your heart was in full ignition, precariously ready to combust at any moment. Was this it? Was he going to kiss you? Right here on a busy street? You did your best to control your body, but your eyes unconsciously fluttered closed.

His knuckles grazed your face and his thumb floated down to the corner of your lips. “Bit of ice-cream on your mouth.”

“Oh,” you murmured quickly in embarrassment, your daydreams disappearing in a puff of smoke. You quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe the area. “Sorry.” You were heating up in mortification for two reasons: one, for thinking Bill was going to kiss you and two, for looking like an uncouth fool in front of him. The second thought made you want to crawl up and die, so you gave the corner of your mouth a second swipe in case.

The rest of the day went by too fast for your liking. You fancied stopping to admire artists and musicians on the street. You even threw bezants in their guitar cases. You’d even gotten a caricature of yourself and Bill drawn. When the sun began to dip—and your mood with it—you stopped for dinner in an airy and sectioned part of a restaurant. You indulged in wine and tapas, and talked about Bill’s family and work.

You and Bill agreed on walking around after to watch the sunset at the beach before heading home. You wished you had a camera to take a photo, hold onto to just a little inkling of the day in case it didn’t last forever. And it wouldn’t, given you just had three days here before you had to return to crummy and gloomy England.

As you walked by groups of people by on the boardwalk, you heard some voices ahead of you. Two people were departing from two groups settled on the beach. It looked like a game of quidditch based on the brooms in their hands and the buzzing bludgers and quaffles in the air. One man, tall and dark-haired, looked at Bill, waved, and pointed at the two of you.

“They’re looking for players,” Bill explained. The way his body turned towards the crowd signified that he wanted to join them.

“Did you play?”

“I played mainly as a chaser, but before Charlie joined, I was the seeker for a bit.” Bill rubbed the back of his head. “He was always the better player.”

“I had no idea,” you responded.

“Charlie won’t shut up if you ask him about it,” Bill said, feigning a look of sadness. “This would be my last chance at redemption.”

“I’m not very good at quidditch,” you protested quietly. “My role was to sit on the sidelines.”

“Nothing wrong with giving it a shot,” he reassured. “No stakes, no disappointed peers, no House Cup on the line.” He paused. “Trust me, I know.”

You couldn’t say no to Bill. Not especially with that ardent gleam in his beautiful eyes and the story about Charlie being the better player. You narrowed your eyes at him and wondered if he’d told you that story out of sympathy. You watched him wave to the group of people. Then, you looked up at the goal posts and realized they were floating above water.

“It’s above the sea?”

Bill smirked. “Breaks the fall.”

“Not if you fall from that high up!” you countered. “It’ll feel like landing on cement.”

“I’ll catch you,” he promised.

You shook your head. “Not even you’re that fast.”

“Try me,” was the last thing Bill said to you before he ran over to the group of people. You had no choice now but to follow.

Bill bonded with the group, two co-ed teams, immediately. You guessed quidditch was an international language in itself. After moments of deliberation, Bill pointed to you and never more than right now did you want to run away. The taller man of the group, named Gui, handed Bill a wooden paddle and glove.

“They’re looking for a seeker and a beater,” he explained, brandishing the equipment. “It’s up to you what you want to be.”

“Erm.” You hesitated. You knew you’d contribute nothing to either of those roles, but at least the whole game didn’t depend on you if you chose the role of the beater. You reached for the bat, much to Bill’s surprise.

“At least you won’t be needing those shoes,” he joked.

“Right?” you murmured, kicking your shoes onto the pebbles on the shore. You smoothed out your dress and swung a leg across the broom, careful not to expose yourself to your teammates and opponents. Bill gracefully kicked off and assumed his position over the water. You eagerly followed him into the air. It had been a very long time since you’d flown on a broom, and having to carry a paddle wasn’t conducive to you looking very graceful.  You took the first two minutes to balance yourself out.

When the whistle went off, you remembered why you didn’t play quidditch. In less than a minute, a bludger came barrelling towards you, and you weren’t sure which direction to go to escape it. Wait, no—you were supposed to beat the damn thing, not evade it. Fred and George made it seem easy, their muscly arms easily deflecting bludgers at any angle. Unsure, you shut your eyes, paralyzed in fear and confusion. The speeding ball made contact with your thigh and toppled you over.

“Whoa!”

You exclaimed as you lost control of your boom for a couple of moments and spiralled down. You managed to climb atop of it just before you hit the water.

“You alright?” Bill asked with genuine concern as he flew over.

“Yes, peachy,” you responded, trying to sound unaffected despite the whimper of pain that left your lips. You held onto your thigh, thinking of the nasty bruise that would soon form.

The bludgers were tough to beat even when you got a solid hit in; they were dense, unmoveable masses, like George when he fell asleep on the couch. At least he’d fall off to the floor in a straight line because your bludgers were flying in all directions. Your teammate didn’t look so pleased when you launched one that almost hit her. You were also afraid they’d shatter your paddle. Coupled with compromised balance on this communal, left-leaning broom, you swore to never play this position again.

Bill would pass by you occasionally. His eyes were still focussed on the snitch but he remarked your concern. “You can do this,” he reassured. “You’re already getting so much better.”

Bill’s affirmation motivated you. You learned through observation and recalling old games you saw back at Hogwarts. It was exhilarating once you started getting the hang of it, and by that you meant beating the bludgers in a generally correct direction. You loved the wind streaking through your hair as you soared through the pink and purple-tinted sky.

About twenty minutes later though, you weren’t sure how much more your arms could take. They felt limp as you tried to hoist your bat high. When your eyes weren’t on the ball, they were on Bill. Suddenly, he and the other seeker whipped the heads around at the same time, changing directions in a split second. You knew just what was happening. However, you didn’t need to be an experienced player to know Bill was at a disadvantage due to his distance away from the snitch. You were losing hope with every second that passed that he’d make it.

But your saving grace was hurling towards you in the form of a wayward bludger.

You shook off your fatigued limbs and hit the damn thing with as much strength as you could. If your paddle shattered, you’d be happy to absorb each wooden splint in your skin if it meant Bill would win.

You looked with wide eyes, heart beating rapidly, at the flying ball. It seemed to take an eternity to fly over.

You didn’t knock the other seeker out, but the intimidating bludger buzzing by his face was enough to stall him. And that split second of hesitation meant everything, because Bill was quick to scoop the snitch in his gloved hand.

“Yes!”

The rest of your teammates came together to shore to rally and celebrate the win together, but you and Bill were only focussed on each other. Foregoing any self-regulation, you tackled him as he flew over, arms around his neck, and landed with a big splash in the water. Your brooms floated forgotten beside you.

“Where’d you learn to play like that?” he asked in astonishment as he rose out of the water. His hair was wet, framing his jubilant face.

“The Madame Millicent book!” you blurted seemingly out of nowhere, the euphoria of the win preceding any common sense. “She reckons women should make excellent beaters and train in their spare time to please their husbands.”

Bill laughed, a full belly rumble, as he rubbed water out of his eyes.

“Maybe you should’ve kept that book.”

You shook your head. “It’s under the sea where it belongs.”

You and Bill waded together to shore. It was getting dark quickly, signifying it really was time to go. You fished your brooms out and locked them back in the shared space for other players to use for another game.

When you were wringing the last bit of water out of your dress, your fingers traced over a rip in the seam.

“Oh no,” you said with a heavy sigh. “I must’ve torn this while playing.”

“Don’t worry,” Bill assured from in front of you. “Molly can patch that up when we get home.”

Bill’s words resounded sweetly in your ears.

We.

Home.

When we get home.

You nodded and ignored the tattered seam. Instead, you chose to bask in the afterglow of a quidditch win with Bill.

“What happened to your leg?” Draco asked the next morning. The first hit you took had really blossomed into something nasty looking and had swelled up to the size of a saucer. But you were unperturbed; it was a battle scar from a blazing victory.

“Quidditch.”

“Since when did you play quidditch?” he asked incredulously.

“Since yesterday,” you explained. “Turns out I’m not a bad beater.”

“A beater?” Narcissa repeated sternly, setting her book down. She was never into the idea of you enjoying a sport unless it was ballet. “Regardless,” she said. “Heal that before the wedding tomorrow please, (Y/N).”

“I would, but how else would I remember my win?” you protested. “The dress will cover it.”

The next day, you arrived at the venue with your family for Genevieve’s wedding. You were sat outside in the beautiful late afternoon sun by a chateau near the sea. The hanging willow branches laced with wisteria provided shade overhead. Bill, next to you, was in his new suit courtesy of the new and reformed Lucius Malfoy (who you, Draco, and Narcissa still could not accept). Bill had shaved, and slicked his hair to the side and looked very prim and proper. You missed the long hair and earrings he sported when you first met.

Up ahead, Maxime stood under the arbor made of leaves and climbing roses, crossed by multiple fairy lights.

Genevieve strolled down the aisle with her parents. She looked gorgeous, perfect, angel-like, and very much in love with Maxime. You disliked Genevieve, but you couldn’t help but feel happiness for her. You looked at Bill. His hands were clasped in his lap and his blue eyes were focused on the procession of the events. You wondered if he, like you, was wishing it was you and him up there. You swallowed a tingle in your chest that rose up to your throat.

After the ceremony, you filed out with the others to the bar to take your seats for the reception. You and Bill ended up at table seven with your cousins; you were seated with Draco, Astoria, and your aunt Rosamund’s two daughters – Charlotte and Clara. You reckoned Charlotte and Clara preferred to float ethereally instead of existing like normal humans. At the ripe age of seventeen, when Genevieve was busy having too much wine and kissing every boy on her father’s yacht in Antibes, the youngest cousins stayed home, buried their light blonde, wispy-haired heads in a book dreaming of some prince and fairy tale ending. You were a couple years older, and always sunk into a babysitter role when you were around just like the old times.

Bill had been quickly swept away by Lucius to greet other family members. He was busy talking to Genevieve’s uncle. At least Bill looked comfortable and was integrating well.

“What’s it like being in love, (Y/N)?” Charlotte asked dreamily, cocking her head. She had noticed you were staring at Bill.

You didn’t know what answer to provide your younger cousin.

“Why not ask Genevieve?” you offered instead.

“She’s busy.” Charlotte pointed at Genevieve who was getting photos with her husband and family taken by the sea. “Besides, I find it much more romantic to rebel against the world with,” she stopped, “erm, what’s his name?”

“Bill.”

Charlotte laughed airily. “My bad. What’s it like to be in love with Bill?”

You would have to pen an answer off-the-cuff. You stared at Bill who was across the room, deep in conversation with a glass of wine in hand. How did you feel when he wasn’t right beside you, when the seat beside you was vacant, or worse, when he’d stopped writing to you? You tried to translate the feeling in your heart to concrete words.

“It feels like,” you explained. “You’re not complete unless they’re around, like a piece of you is missing.”

It wasn’t a lie.

“And?” she prodded further. “Surely, that can’t be all.”

You thought of the evening before you and Bill set off to France, and the night before he promised to stroll around Nice with you.

“You look forward to the next day because they make it so much more exciting.”

That sounded right. You were convincing yourself at this point.

Charlotte leaned in closer. “And?”

Then, you thought of the thing that scared you the most: if everything fell apart and Bill ceased to be a part of your life, slipping through your fingers like fine sand back in the sea.

“And,” you took a deep breath, the next few words getting lodged in your throat, “the thought of losing them terrifies you, because there’s no one else quite like them.”

Charlotte sighed blissfully, placed her hand over her heart, and said, “Someday.”

“Someday,” you promised her. Maybe Aunt Rosamund would force Charlotte to court a Crabbe-like character and she’d find refuge in her best friends’ eldest brother.

You looked back up at Bill. At that moment, you locked eyes with him and a new wave of giddiness coursed through your body. Maybe he had been clandestinely looking at you, too. He tilted his glass of wine up to you, signifying that he was okay. You did the same, cherishing your silent communication in a crowded room.

>> NEXT CHAPTER

<<CHAPTER DIRECTORY

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[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin’ leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas​’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[levihantrash]

Shitty Comics and Their Shitty Artists

Levi’s pragmatism pulled the brakes. “I’m not about to dedicate my life to become a broke comic artist.”

Levi Ackerman, a gruff cleaner with an appetite for toilet humour meets the unabashedly friendly creative writing professor, Hange Zoë, who somehow ropes Levi into working on a comic with them. While the comic’s title remains undecided, Hange knows that it’s going to be set in a world where giant, human-like creatures devour other humans. Erwin Smith, the comic’s self-appointed editor, unironically thinks it’s going to be a hit. All Levi knows is that he wants to indulge in drawing this comic while hanging out with a certain writer who just won’t stop talking to him.

Where Hange, Levi, and Erwin are the creators of Attack on Titan.

Chapter 1:

“The sweets are really good here, huh?” A kind, bespectacled face appeared beside him, peering at the bulging of his shirt.

Levi had stolen from the pantry plenty of times. He had never gotten caught, so his gradual boldness could have been the problem. He had seen Mikasa, his younger sister, whenever she passed by the snacks section in the grocery store. Her gaping mouth at the sight of the colourful assortment of sweets was enough to let him know.

“I just like looking!” Mikasa said hastily. He hadn’t said anything either.

To be caught now, when he had overheard a staff member mentioning that most of the professors would be taking their leave during the summer break, was just his bad, bad luck. Objectively, he was risking his month-old job, but stealing from the pantry was much less risky than stealing from the grocery store. He began doing it weekly. Every Monday, right before the professors came streaming in, he would take a quick survey of his surroundings, and snatch two chocolate bars, sometimes a banana—only a handful. He would glance at the security camera hanging in the corner, willing it to catch him. Nobody would be petty enough to arrest a cleaner for swiping staff snacks in the pantry, right?

Levi stared back at the unfamiliar person. He recognised most of the staff by now. Only the English Literature professor, Erwin Smith, would greet him in the mornings.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Hange Zoë, the new creative writing professor. Nice to meet you!” They extended out a hand, which he felt obliged to shake, albeit warily. The hand was sweaty, and the handshake, vigorous.

“I was setting up my table and I wanted to meet everyone. Turns out most of them are on vacation,” Hange said absent-mindedly, scratching their head. The two buttons of their shirt had been mixed up, scrunching up the dress shirt's already lopsided collar. Levi resisted the urge to rebutton it for them. Today was not the day to scare off what seemed to be a genuinely welcoming person. Hange, on the other hand, found the firm handshake hilarious. What made this person so uptight?

Hange, realising that he wasn’t saying anything, breezily went, “what’s your name?”

“Levi,” he said, pushing his hands back into his pockets.

“You don’t prefer Dr. Levi?” Hange asked curiously.

“I’m not a professor. Just the cleaner,” Levi said shortly.

“Oh? Is that why you’re so secretive about the snacks?” Hange teased him, much to his chagrin.

“You rich profs have enough to eat,” Levi spat out.

Hange didn’t even blink, nodding calmly, “you’re right, it’s certainly good to make full use of the school’s resources.” Levi, sensitive to any hint of condescension, found none, though not regretting his overdose of sarcasm.

“Also,” Hange added, “I’m not going to tell anyone, I promise! So could you not look like you want to kill me and leave my dead body in the cleaning closet?”

Levi scoffed, relaxing the fists that had formed naturally by his side.

“Do you like bread?” Hange asked suddenly, scanning him for signs of the affirmative. He shrugged.

“I passed by a bakery this morning and it had the most delicious smell,” they sighed, “I was running late so I couldn’t get anything.”

“It seems like you’re kind of a mess.”

Hange laughed—this person could literally laugh at everything, Levi thought. They lifted their shoulders with their arms in the air, in a manner of “I was born like this, what do you want me to do?”

As the conversation subsided, Hange saw Levi’s eyes dart towards the neglected mop and bucket, finding it oddly endearing.

“Well then! I won’t disturb you any longer!” Hange announced. Levi wanted to tell them that they weren’t disturbing him at all, before stopping himself. His initial plan was to escape from useless small talk. Uttering such absurdity would be counterintuitive.

“Since you’re here,” Hange grabbed the last few packets of chips in the basket and stuffed them into his gigantic apron pockets, “you might as well take the rest!”

“Are you pitying me?”

“Those snacks aren’t for you,” Hange merely said cheerfully, before tentatively asking, “or am I wrong?”

“Don’t expect any favours,” Levi said begrudgingly.

He looked awkwardly at the distracted professor, who had chosen to open a chocolate bar themselves.

“Thanks…” he said, and Hange only grins, bits of chocolate and almond stuck to their teeth.

----------

Routine, that’s how it all began. Levi and Hange were seeing each other every day. In each encounter, Hange would tug out a new bread or pastry from the depths of a green, bottomless leather bag that they carried around everywhere.

Initially, Levi felt offended. “You think I can’t afford bread?” He asked, narrowing his eyes.

Hange’s eyes widened, “of course not! I want to share the joy of this bread, if you remember that bakery I was craving for,” they poked at the loaf, leaving a small dent in the middle.

With their hand still extended out, Hange scoured for words, “and you look like someone who doesn’t often indulge in little joys.”

“I didn’t ask you to psychoanalyze me.” Levi grabbed the bread, tore it into two, and pushed one entire piece into his mouth. A muffled word of thanks came out. The other half was planted back onto Hange’s palm.

“You said you wanted to share, didn’t you?”

Hange glowed in acknowledgement. They stuffed the warm bread into their mouth, cheeks full, incoherently raving about its texture. The sight of Levi chewing the bread contentedly after unexpectedly cramming it into his mouth; Hange wanted to preserve it, to immortalise this tentative pleasure. If fresh bread was what it took to achieve that, it was perfectly doable.

Levi saw it as what it was. An offering. There was really no reason to reject free bread, and if this were Hange’s version of bribery, it was innocent enough.

“Why don’t I get bread?” Erwin asked Hange, pouring himself a cup of coffee. Levi’s nose wrinkled at the overly strong aroma.

“Sorry Erwin!” Hange patted him on the back, not sounding apologetic at all, “I only have money for one friend and since Levi is my first friend here, it’s only fair, don’t you think?”

“Certainly,” Erwin said, sipping on his black coffee, eyeing a certain stony-faced individual’s violent coughing at Hange’s mention of “friend.”

“What?” Levi asked, clearing his throat one more time.

“Good day to you both,” Erwin said, sweeping past Levi to return to his desk.

Following the end of summer break, Hange became relatively friendly with their colleagues in the staffroom, who had never greeted Levi. Unbothered by the lack of formalities, Levi found himself getting along best with living things that discarded general rules of propriety. Like children, animals… and Hange. Still, when Levi trailed back to the staffroom, wet mop in hand, he found himself at a hearing distance behind Hange’s conversation with a group of colleagues.

Hange got to the point, smiling sweetly. “Why do you all pretend Levi doesn’t exist?”

There were awkward, feeble words of justification. Something about Levi being too scary. Something about Levi not greeting them first. Hange listened, eyebrows furrowing.

“You could at least say hi, right? He doesn’t bite,” Hange said coolly. Their colleagues felt the faintest chill up their spine. Levi sloshed the mop onto the floor, making his presence known. Hange barely flinched, as though expectant of his company.

“Are you talking about me behind my back?”

Hange slung an arm around Levi’s shoulders and whispered, “no, I’m telling everyone right now that you don’t get enough sleep and that’s why you’re glaring at everyone.”

Levi elbowed them away. “Who cares what people think?”

Unwrapping the bread Hange gave him, he took one significant, large bite while everyone squirmed in silence. Hange, strangely amused by the scene playing out before them, ushered Levi towards Erwin’s cubicle.

“Levi! What are your plans for today?”

“Cleaning.”

Hange clapped their hands together, “I invite you to have lunch with me and Erwin!”

“Why should I go?” Levi said, not unkindly.

“Why not?” Levi couldn’t give a good reason. Hange, latching on to Levi’s lack of refusal, took the mop away from his hands.

“You can finish cleaning later. Everyone has to eat, right?”

“Not you, apparently,” Levi muttered, remembering how Hange had straight-up not left their desk for a whole ten hours—the sun shining on their sleep deprivation at dawn until the desktop screen illuminated their exhaustion at dusk.

“That was one deadline, Levi.”

“Sure.” Regardless, he wasn’t about to decline Hange. Somehow, Hange had grown attached to Erwin, and had endless discussions with him. Conversations about writing, mostly. He didn’t participate much outside of jabbing at Hange’s ribs when the volume of their voice went over the publicly acceptable range. Otherwise, he would be shooting glares at Erwin whenever he tried to probe into Levi’s personal life. Erwin had an intensity that was difficult, near impossible to ignore.

Incidentally, the topic of comics cropped up.

“Comics?”

Hange picked up on the rare tonal shift of Levi’s voice, studying him. Erwin’s fork elegantly pierced a French fry, the screech of the fork’s contact with the plate prompting Levi to speak over it. He was positive that Erwin was trying to get him to talk. On purpose.

“Yes, I like them,” Levi conceded, draining the tea from his cup.

“I learn something new about you every day!” Hange exclaimed, as Levi gripped the edge of the cup harder.

Seemingly catching on to Levi’s discomfort, Erwin asked Hange for recommendations, telling them how he had never read any comics.

“How predictable of a literature professor,” Hange said, sitting up straighter to mock the poise of a scholar, glasses perched at the tip of their nose for the intended effect.

“You look like a fart with a stick up their ass,” Levi commented, leaving Hange howling. Erwin, the consistent gentleman, remained at ease with these disparaging jokes.

While Hange listed out their favourite comics, Levi noted that none of their top choices was marginally close to any of his preferences: in genre, in plot, and in art style.

“I like horror.”

“I don’t,” Levi countered. Hange grinned wider.

“Well, you’re scary enough as you are,” Hange considered, taking in his aloof disposition and the way he sat stiffly on the chair. Nonchalant, and could possibly decimate you.

“Look,” Hange said, thrusting an open book into Levi’s hands. “This comic is so good. It keeps me up at night.”

Levi leafed through the pages, absorbed by the clean black and white lines. That was, until he flipped a page and winced at the image of empty eye sockets, gouged out, spurting inked blood.

“You don’t like blood,” Hange said this matter-of-factly, promptly closing the book.

“I don’t like unnecessary death.”

“How do you know those deaths were unnecessary?” Erwin asked, pushing back his blonde hair in an effortlessly charismatic manner.

Levi could picture it. Erwin, a fearless leader, bringing people to greater heights.

Hange had less noble thoughts. Erwin was definitely the protagonist in a teen movie who looked older than high school age and was starring as a blonde jock whose embarrassingly lacklustre coming-of-age arc was spurred by a shy, beautiful nerd. For good reason, Hange kept their mouth shut.

“I don’t,” Levi answered, “but is any death really necessary?”

Erwin smiled, “perhaps not.” The seed of doubt grew in Levi.

Hange leaned forward across the table towards Levi, a hand covering one side of their smirking face.

“Erwin’s a lot more calculative than you think.”

Levi swatted away Hange’s strands of hair tickling his cheek, “I know,” he said half-heartedly, not wishing to contemplate the extent of its truthfulness.

Carving the last piece of meat on his plate into two, Erwin shrugged.

“So, you would say that some deaths are necessary?” Levi asked. The question blurted out on its own, slicing through the amicable atmosphere like a stray bullet. For some reason, he wanted a proper answer. Hange was busy flipping through the same horror comic book, their eyes trained on the page.

“Do you like bugs, Levi?” Erwin asked.

Levi visibly scowled. “No.”

Erwin’s fork scraped the plate insistently.  “Do you kill them?”

“Obviously.”

Erwin’s collectedness seemed impenetrable. “Would you say their deaths are necessary?”

“Necessary enough as a cleaner.”

“There, you have your answer,” Erwin said, with finality.

“I’m talking about human lives, not some insects,” Levi said, frustrated.

“Some lives matter more than others, am I right?”

“Yeah…” Levi said, struggling to grasp Erwin’s logic.

“It’s the same for us,” Erwin said cryptically.

Hange stood up, snapping the book shut. “Shit, I have to teach a class in ten!” Levi naturally stood up as well. Erwin gave a friendly wave, undeterred by the abruptness of their departure.

“See you, Erwin!” Hange called out, rushing back to the staffroom.

“Why does Erwin have to be so ambiguous?” Levi griped.

“You’re not very telling, yourself,” Hange said blithely, grabbing their laptop before marching out of the door.

Armed with constant smiles and warm words, Levi would classify Hange as someone just as enigmatic. Their discussions about writing were arguably personal, but they weren’t exactly close to the heart.

The two people Levi was becoming acquainted with in the past few weeks were a slate full of words in a language he understood, but couldn’t decipher. For the rest of the day, he compromised on these doubts by making sure the windows had not a speck of dust on them. Every moving insect was stamped out under his supervision. He thought about Erwin’s words, turning them over and over in his head. He thought about Hange’s nonchalance towards Erwin’s questions.

----------

After locking up his cleaning supplies, Levi peeled the sweaty gloves off his arms, untying the bandana on his head that kept his long fringe away, and removed his apron. Hearing a friendly shout in the otherwise deserted school building, he caught Hange coming to a stop behind him.

“You’re still here,” he said, frowning.

“Had a lot of work,” they said, armed with this reasoning every day.

“Were you listening during lunch?”

“Hmm, kind of,” Hange stated obliquely, “you know how literature people are.”

Levi was bewildered, his passive expression cracking slightly. “I don’t. As you might have realised, I don’t talk to a lot of people.”

“Literature people,” Hange rubbed their chin, eyes looking upwards in deep thought, “enjoy discussing morality in a mostly abstract, hypothetical way.”

“That’s annoying.”

Hange fell in step with Levi, who was headed to the exit, “Erwin’s one of the better ones. He’s pragmatic, and he’s not just all talk.”

“Yeah, so what’s his grand plan…” Levi said, finding the right words, “for humanity?”

“He wants to create a comic.”

Levi blinked.

“Huh? What does that have to do with morality?”

Hange looked unperturbed by Levi’s confusion, as though it were commonplace for them to defend the importance of the comic genre.

“Think of texts as a philosophical question waiting to be answered. And the questions of morality being narrativized makes their conclusions more believable. More influential. Erwin has a vision for comics to be the source of truth.”

“What truth?”

Hange grinned, “if we knew, would we need to write the comic?”

“You talk like it’s more revolutionary than it actually is…” Levi said, pushing open the door to step out of the school building.

“A comic can be life-changing,” Hange mused, admiring how the sunset decorated everything in watercolour splashes of orange and pink; a distinct nostalgic hue.

Levi remembered that Hange was, after all, a creative writing professor. “Yeah, you would say that.”

“It’s not because I’m a creative writing professor!” Hange said, impassioned. He gave them a dry look.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Besides, Erwin wants to be the editor of the comic that I am writing,” Hange said proudly.

Levi felt that his head might explode. “Since when were you writing a comic?”

“Since last week!” Hange said, remarkably animated.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Isn’t that what friends are for? To share things with?” Hange asked, hopeful.

That word—Levi figured that that was what they were by now. Friends. He didn’t hate the sound of it.

“You’re not going to ask what it’s about?”

“You’ll tell me if I just waited.”

“You’re right! But you see,” Hange exhaled, shaking their head despondently, “my problem is that I don’t have someone who can draw out my writing.” Levi’s hands twitched. He interlocked them into a prayer, hoping Hange didn’t notice.

“Why not just write a novel?”

Hange was unconvinced, “I’m tired of just the written word, Levi! The versatility and multimodal form of the comic are incomparable to a novel!”

Levi had to agree. “Have you been trying to find artists?”

“Yes, but none of them seemed very keen on drawing the story,” Hange said, recalling the number of people who became increasingly disconcerted upon hearing the gist of the story.

“So, what’s the story?” Levi asked.

Hange was hesitant. Levi waited.

“It’s horror, isn’t it?”

“The premise includes giant naked human beings running around eating people,” Hange said. Levi grimaced. They expected this, but it didn’t make their disappointment at his very reasonable reaction any less jarring.

“It also has a lot of blood,” Hange said. Sensing that they were one sentence away from diving into a world-building sermon, they paused.

“Do you want to hear more?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Levi said honestly. It had been a long day.

“Of course! I’ll see you tomorrow!” Hange said, giving him a reassuring pat on the back.

“I’ll see you,” Levi said belatedly. Hange was already brisk walking towards the crowded street.

Instinctively, he called out, “Four-eyes!”

Turning back, Hange stood where they were, surprised.

“Tell me the story tomorrow.”

A gradual look of appreciation spread across Hange’s face, as their eyes arched downwards into thin curves.

“Thank you, Levi!”

Levi sidestepped Hange’s thanks with a disgruntled “tch. Whatever.”

I finally did it! I posted the first chap of the fic I've been working on for the past month *_* if you read till here... thank you!!! hearing your thoughts/comments would be nice heheh

[the-acid-pear]

Scarface was too fucking boring, didn't make it past chapter 3, but that's good, because that means Baki-Dou time 😍

Time to read the fourth book in this series! Excited to see Musashi <3

Chapter 1

COLORS

Baki please stop flexing

A FELLA SAYING THE SAME I SAID WHEN YUJIRO PULLED HIS SOB STORY, FR GO TRY SOMETHING ELSE! What happened with that whole "i don't care about fighting" eh Baki?!

Chapter 2

HOHO ALI JR???

ah no :/

HOLY FUCK is this quality bad!

He wants to taste defeat i see

TOKUGAWA PLEASE STOP SMOKING

Oh they removed the... Egg in the back of the neck, nice

God this guy's tits so fat 🥵

FINALLYYY HOW LONG SINCE WE SAW A FIGHT IN THE ARENA? A PROPER FIGHT I MEAN

Chapter 3

He doesn't even know 🐍

DON'T BRING THAT FELLA HERE RETSU KICKED HIS ASS IN TIME. RECORD

Oh i saw fanart of this scene

Baki, it's your fault that you are bored, you fucking teen

This shit boring ME

Chapter 4

Oh, goroukou is a title

I like how the prime minister is becoming a recurrent character

I thought he said babe for a sec-

That little "oh~" is a bit sus, are the old men... No, it can't be 😳😳😳

I'm fucking choking fuck

GOD ALMOST READ THAT AS JOHN CENA 😭

"yes <3"

These ppl never learn

Chapter 5

What a way to go, a la gamzee /j

This dude so weird lmao

FAHDGAHDH king

Dude he has huge round eyes tf you talking bout?

IGDUFSUEASEUURSS he's such a freakkk 😭😭😭

This is the most wtf thing Baki has pulled, remember when this was about fighters fighting? I don't know enough about science for this shit either man

Okay so their hug wasn't Tokugawa being touchy like he is, this guy is even worse, se juntaron el hambre y las ganas de comer HSHAFSFG

Chapter 6

Baki's dead

Katsumi about to kill get killed by my grandpa i see

ALSO KATSUMI OG HAIR WOOO

Katsumi bro don't be so happy over nearly killing him-

I love seeing him get better tho

Uwaadgsgsjdga 😍😳🤤 twisting my hair irl,,, 🥴

Finally Motobe remembered he was a character here 😐

FSGSHDAHDA KOSHO PLS

I LOVE that they got dark lips again

IM SORRY GOUKI HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYONE?! LTDKFsjyrd 😭

Jack's scar looks cool ngl

Retsu living the good life lmao

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW, GRANDPA?

Hana just doesn't care, smartest Baki character lmao

Idk what they talking bout but good for em <3

Cum basement

Chapter 7

SHOW US MUSASHI'S COCK

Obsessed he thought his heart was failing 😭

Dude you can just hear the heart beat of your friends/opponents just like that? 🤨

Notice Gaia in the top left 🥴

WHY CAN HE RECOGNIZE EACH OF THEIR HEARTBEATS AAHSGA

Thick 🥵

Unironically built different

Chronic back pain if you ask me, that's how I stand to relieve my agony

Did. Did you just call him a femb-

STOP SHOWING ME PANELS FROM VAGAMOND

I love John sm lmao

Mr Musashi has 2 (3?) dads

Chapter 8

HAIRY LEGS 🥴

Those things look like boobs

Bet you would know eh SHAFADB

They jerked off the mummy?

Reminds me of eye surgery

AFjshAFDGAJAHAF

Mf came out the tube ripped af 😭

Chapter 9

Everyone is so feminine lately good ol Kureha fell behind 😭

I like his bandana tho it's cute

OH HE TOO? AND HE'S NOT EVEN THAT STRONG

Fat tits 🥴

Eheojeudkshs 😖😳👉👈

JACK STOP YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH ALREADY

HOLY FUCK

You know like i understand Baki, he is at the highest he can be rn, NO ONE can defeat him, but the rest? Like c'mon y'all just beat each other up or something

Ah, the miracle of birth 😍

Chapter 10

I love how all these two do is hang out together in bars, boybosses

TF IS UP WITH THAT ICE? AHDHS

I love what they have

Hana thinking of getting his 4 limbs broken again i see

WOOO!! Nice cock Mr Musashi 😳

HANAYAMA PLEASE 😐

Chapter 11

I love those freaks

I just now I'm seeing the little scars on his cheeks from the fight with Spec ☺️

I love the fact that Musashi has hair in his legs BUT not his arms like ??? Okay king

Heated scientist moment

HOHO POGGERS 👀

Chapter 12

UTSURAARSDFAFA sibling goals

GIRLBOSS 😍

URAURUSYRSAESGA IN LOVE???

Holy shit she's amazing

Chapter 13

And his ass is very thick too 😳

Those fucking sunglasses, obsessed

Debatable, he got struck by lightning :/

HE WAXES HIS HAIR? OMFG OBSESSED

WHY IS HE WEARING THAT LMAO 😭

Nooo they censored the cock again 😔😔😔

DO IT QWEEN 💅

STOP SAYING SHE'S GONNA FUCK THE CLONE

"I'm exciteddddd" "ok."

Chapter 14

You just hate seeing a girlboss win

She truly is amaizing

Also i just realized spirits have been showing up since the first book so this isn't so crazy lol

MF HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP 😭😭😭

THE LITTLE BUBBLES AND SPARKLES... I BET HE DID 🥺

Chapter 15

WHY ARE HIS TITS SO ROUND AND FAT GODDAMN IT,,, 😳😖

Glad seeing some things never change

He looks so much like Jun

IGSITSURAURZES EPICCC

Someone question if Yujiro knew how too write obsessed,,,

Chapter 16

Goddamn it you got even older in the past 3 or so chapters bro

Mouth to mouth soul transference

OHHH

HIS EYEBROWS FELL HOW IGDUTSITDIYDIGD

Some mf got turned on by this HELP 😭

Chapter 17

I love how Yujiro and Hana are still getting ready to throw hands while this happens lol

Okay yeah that was super disrespectful honestly, guy is having a chat :/

HAHAGSJAHA obsessed

God i thought it was Hana the one grabbing some random lady for a second AFDJSJSSJS

He cute af ngl

POOR GUY MUST BE SO CONFUSED OMFG,,,

Fsr I'm surprised he can talk, like it should be obvious but in all the fanart i saw he never said a word, also, he's so damn respectful 😍

Chapter 18

Idk he was never that clever /hj

Hehehe blood

I love how John can only sit that way

The size of his balls lmao

Coward won't even fight with his dick out smh :/

God he mad cute-

Chapter 19

I MISS THE DEATH ROW FELLAS FUCKKK

Hm i think this random tiny bald man is not Tokugawa but someone that looks awfully similar to him

YEAH NO SHIT I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM, HE MUST BE SO DAMN OVERWHELMED

Apparently there was a cameo, i don't know enough about anime to know or care

Chapter 20

He's tripping balls

Tokugawa should have gone a bit slower with this poor guy, this is like a lot to process at once <:/

Nvm he's doing better than me

Oydirsusefs look at himmm

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND OMFG DIDN'T DOPPO FIGHT THIS GUY?!

SOMEONE ELSE RECOGNIZED HIM HE ISSS

Chapter 21

OHDIRAYEASURRSUURS HE DOESN'T KNOWWW FFS

Musashi be like °_°

LOOK AT THAT SMILE LMAO

He's just chilling, mentally killing this dude

Murder baby

Chapter 21

The way his eyes are drawn is so cool

YRAURSUFSIDTGA

And he jokes too! Wow I'm in love 😍

(nsfw) CAN YOU HANDLE DICK LIKE THAT TOO? 😍

WOW

I TAKE BACK THAT QUESTION

I remember a show where you would bring your own knives and swords and go thru a bunch of test, Musashi should have been one of them

Mf truly is like :]

I love how he didn't buy it

I can't wait for him to fight Yujiro 😍

Chapter 23

He truly is 😌

ATFJAIDQYSF OBSESSED

He was happy this time at least, 5 times he lost already btw

Tokugawa truly in unhateable lmao

Chapter 24

IM SORRY, HIS LEG???

Oh I forgot Musashi does that

JAGSKSGSKSGS HIS FUCKING FACE I CAN'T 😭

I miss when translators would add notes i don't want to google shit myself :/

"I'm hard as rock" /j

Chapter 25

Look how happy he issss

MUSASHI POG MUSASHI POG-

I love how Tokugawa can't believe he got it first try and it's trying to lie now sjdakdyv

This mf is actually making me insane what the actual fuck i don't know what he has but he's gonna make me act up 😳

Mf be shadow boxing too dammit /j

Baki please

Chapter 26

OLD MAN JUST WANTS A PUBLIC TO SEE THIS LMAO

Look at the size of Baki's eyes holy fuck lmao

He's gonna yeet him!

OH NOOOO

FIRST HIS DAD NOW MUSASHI, THIS GUY CANT CATCH A BREAK LMAO

Chapter 27

How little time passed? They have barely moved

Yeah you did it last book too Baki

King shit

Chapter 28

AKSGSKGSJSGS KING

I love how he only now realized

Okay no he has a point

I love how he just calls him boy

Look at that smug face

I trust Musashi but at the same time he, really should be walking around this new world alone. Now, if i were to accompany him... 🥴/j

Baki please

Chapter 29

I love how soft the artstyle suddenly got, like if done big a big brush

Yujiro you just insulted every single anime character in history

Baby Baki's just like "Ok."

I like how Yujiro looks here

AUGHHJF HE'S SO BABY 🥺

HOHO badass

Chapter 30

He died 😔

Idiot hasn't even beat he 0.5 reaction seconds lmao 🤣

HOHOOOOO?!? 👁️👁️

"my curiosity exceed my fear!!" I RESPECT THIS MAN SO MUCH??

Chapter 31

AMAIZING HONESTLY

Fighter to fighter communication

SHIT LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT HAND

He's just gone now LMAO

I honestly don't mind Baki being weak against this, he never fought against a two handed swordman, this is new territory

Chapter 32

Oh his really tripping balls now this is why he shouldn't be alone

NVM HE'S STILL DOING BETTER THAN ME ON A DAILY BASIS, I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN FROM THIS MAN

I just now realized he's barefoot

Nice ass king

The policemen are quite nice

He's very cooperative but i can't blame the cops either

Chapter 33

Yeah no shit that must be so insane

IF YOU HADN'T DROPPED OFF SCHOOL THEN...

That's kinda funny but idk man he's right i think

He's just like :3

I love how he isn't picking up a fight out of malice but rather just instinct like, he can't understand shit that is going on

YOU ARE SO RIGHT BAKI IT ISN'T BORING FOR ME EITHER

Chapter 34

Don't you fucking dare shave him Itagaki

It's funny how it took 2 books and a half for Baki to start being a protagonist

Holy fuck did Baki add height or is Miyamoto that big?

Wow how perfect i ran out of space just now!! Having fun with this book ngl :]

[spacedykez]

oh right i was gonna. send an ask in. crap okay- for the writer ask game; 15, 23, 33, 35, 55, 62, and 87 (random)

(writing ask game!)

15. where do you share your writing? sigh. im tired of linking things nixxxx i just made two long posts with tons of links today /lh but that does mean the links are easily available! here’s my ao3 and here’s #paciFics.

23. how do you deal with writers block? badly. ususally by simply Not Writing. very bad practice. lately (as in the last few months) my strategy has been scoll #whump prompts or @/prompts-in-a-barrel to get myself in the mood and then write a shorter thing inspired by that. unfortunately as you can see from my ao3 i have a tendency to lose interest in longfics and once i do i just. never get back to them. sigh. hyperfixations my beloved and beloathed

33. do you start with the characters or the plot when writing? i mean, that depends. sometimes i get fic ideas that are "this character does this" (cough branzypierce) and sometimes i get fic ideas that are just "oh, this would be a cool thing to write (magic by moonlight). branzypierce fics have been All character, but also quite a bit inspired by quotes actually. bleeding out in your arms tonight literally came to my mind when i read this:

35. tell us about a character who’s very different than you who you love a whole lot

oh gosh okay well i mean most of the characters i latch on to are because i see myself in them at least a little. double life pearl, i suppose. i feel the abandoned thing a bit because i do tend to feel very lonely especially since i wouldn't say i have very many friends irl, but really she's not like me at all. then again, i've never been in a death game! but for all i joke about violence i really would never hurt anyone. somebody'd stab me and i'd apologize.

55. do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? well. a question i accidentally answered! okay so i have several longfics lying abandoned (but trust me they don't leave my mind i feel guilty constantly) including scott's eternal winter, which was e1!scott turns evil and instead of corruption covering the world, it's ice/snow. i have tried to write the next at least five times and i have the outline and chapter titles i just. Can't find the motivation.

alone was pure torture (no, literally. i mean. like. that was the fic) i left it because i never really watched the dsmp enough to have a good characterization of anyone and also it just felt. i don't know. too much. people say a lot of tommy fics are torture/trauma porn or something like that and i just felt like it was too angsty.

the legend of the stag siblings i feel bad about. i just think i rushed the plot and it wasn't as well-written as it could have been and also i just. Lost motivation. if i were to pick it back up again (which i do still love the concept) i would rewrite it quite a bit.

and then on this topic i have two like 3000 word oneshots i never published. one is an owl house fic that i could probably post and just say it's incomplete, it's completely readable, i just had more plot planned and then got sucked into mcyt again. and the other is an old basically ventfic (the closest i've ever written) with o!scott. the problem was that i used it as an outlet for my emotions and that worked too well so i never finished it because by the time i hit like 3k words i wasn't in that headspace anymore and i couldn't bring myself to try to get back into it to finish the story.

oh. long answer whoops. um well they haunt me okay. im terrified magic by moonlight will join them cause so many people like it and i don't want to let them down and- okay. shush paci.

62. what’s the weirdest reason you’ve ever shipped something? because i hate my streamer. one guess as to what this is referring to. yes it's ace race x sally. i am starting to be unironically here for the narrative of the wilbur soot ace race saga god help me.

87. does your writing style change depending on the genre you write?

well, i mean i don't know? i only really write fantasy/fanfiction but i would say probably yes? like i do enjoy experimenting with different styles sometimes. my favorites have been Journal, Yin And Yang, bleeding out, and Flicker just because i tried really out-there and obvious style choices and i do really like them. you haven't read journal, yin/yang, and flicker i'm sure.

but journal was an experiment in writing first-person pov, yin/yang was one of my first times writing this sort of opposites-symbolism thing i really like where it's sort of playing with antonyms (light/dark, order/chaos) and since then i've sort of improved on that to add more metaphor/description to my fics. and i'm still SUCH a sucker for good comparisons like this. bleeding out was fun because i added the parentheses to create this growing sense of dread and tension (i really think it worked). and flicker was all about description which was a fun excercise!

on this sort of topic, my writing style wasn't that different but antlers was SO fun to write and i can't tell you why without spoiling it but i LOVE it so mucchhhhhh

[tb5-heavenward]

talented amateurs (continued)

well. you know these things are hard to leave alone. I don’t know how far this is gonna go, so as with all things of its nature, the bit that isn’t standalone is gonna live on tumblr.

talented amateurs is here, and it’s secretly-a-first-chapter is informally titled champagne and bordeaux.

2 - sheets and blankets

It's half past two in the morning, and there's someone else in his bed.

Although, from a technical standpoint, it's not technically his bed, and probably (technically), it actually belongs to the someone else who's invaded it. Creighton-Ward Manor is her legacy, after all. Reasonably, at least from a legal standpoint, Penelope's probably entitled to be wherever the hell she wants.

Whether or not her rights as the heir apparent to the estate in question extend to poking him---insistently---in the ribs with the point of a manicured finger is not a question he knows the answer to.

But then, John's never been great when it comes to the whole concept of archaic feudal law and how much of it still applies to the modern English gentry.

He makes the mistake of opening one eye, and finds Penelope curled up on the other side of the bed, a bare handsbreadth from his face, her blue eyes big and bright and anxious in the moonlight through the bedroom window.

"John?" she whispers, urgent and then, unnecessarily, "Are you awake?"

"No," he grumbles, an immediately obvious lie, even as he groans and pulls the blankets over his head. "G'way."

She prods him in the ribs again and then draws a single shaky breath, to express several discrete concepts as a single word, "John-I-got-drunk-at-a-party-and-I-made-out-with-your-brother-in-a-back-stairwell-and-now-I-can't-sleep-and-I-don’t-know-what-to-do."

The tail end of this is an anxious whimper, and that's enough to tweak at John's conscience, even as he starts to drop back off---easier to do than usual, after a long day of travel and merriment and liquor and gravity. He's had a bare and grossly insufficient two hours of sleep, even if he'd managed to turn in a little earlier than the rest of his brothers. And now, for some reason, he's got a bed full of Penelope, whining---or whinging, seeing as it's England---at him. It's possible that the only way to solve this problem is to actually acknowledge her, and---even at half-past two in the morning, still a little fuzzy from all the merriment and the liquor and the gravity---John can still think his way through to the quickest path from problem to resolution. He's a little sullen as he pulls the blankets back down, but nevertheless he rubs at his eyes, and wearily asks, "Which one?"

Penelope sighs in a dramatic and tremulous fashion. "The corridor leading into the east wing off the back of the ballroom."

The silence that follows is painfully unironic.

And so John's not particularly apologetic as he reaches out to pat the top of Penelope's head and then informs her, "I'm going back to sleep."

This is received with a dismayed cry of protest and she seizes hold of his wrist plaintively. "John, please!"

"Okay, okay." It's playing absolute hell with hardwired instincts, the notes of genuine helplessness and distress in her tone, and the way she clasps his wrist with a sort of desperate urgency. She's pushed herself up to kneel on the mattress beside him, desperately entreating him for---well, something. He's not exactly sure what she wants. But whatever it is, whether he likes it or not, John's awake now. He's groggy and still partway drunk and grumpy---but awake. And apparently back on-call. And the first step in any disaster situation is to get himself an accurate sit rep. "Okay. What happened?"

Penelope gives another disconsolate sigh. "Your brother kissed me."

A quick inventory of the roster weighed against what he knows about his brothers, their ages, and their personal preferences suggests only two major possibilities, and Scott's got John and the bottle of cognac they probably shouldn't have split between them for an alibi.

"Gordon kissed you," he hazards, just to make absolutely sure.

Penelope nods, blue eyes wide and guileless in the dark. Her gown for the evening had been a confection of soft purple lace and airy tulle, but she's since changed into a long camisole with a dressing gown to match, and these are both rendered in shimmering ivory satin. It only adds to the illusion of Penelope as a delicate and innocent English Rose, but John's known her far too long to believe that this is anything but an act.

If "English Rose" can be considered a technical classification, then in Penelope's case it extends exclusively to the fairness her complexion, and no further. John's known Penelope to throw arms' dealers through plate glass windows and to vault chain link fences in pursuit of cyberterrorists. Penelope routinely outfoxes the foxiest of the criminal underworld, and does so in more than one sense of the word. Penelope is no more a shrinking violet than she is a ditzy socialite, even if sometimes she'll play the latter, and sometimes---as relates to the inopportune exchange of selfies and assignations in what could apparently have been any number of back stairways---John's not entirely sure that the ditziness is entirely an act. Even so, it's incredibly rare for Penelope to act the damsel. Something isn't adding up.

"Okay," he says again. "Why are you in my bed about it?"

"Your. Brother. Kissed. Me."

John rubs at his eyes again and wonders if this is possibly some sort of lucid nightmare. He doesn't drink often. He resolves to drink much less in future. "Yeah, I got that part. Look, is the implication meant to be that this was something not entirely consensual? Clearly you've had a couple drinks? Penelope, if you're telling me I need to go thrash my little brother for impulsively sucking on your face, then: A---I'll do it, but I'll need to put pants on; and B---pretty sure you could've handled that one yourself."

Penelope huddles miserably in her nightgown and shakes her head. "No," she protests, but weakly. "No, it was---we were both---I mean, I did kiss him first. I started it. That was me."

This is really about as far as it gets from John's general area of expertise. So he reverts to the basics.

"This was a bad thing?" he guesses, basing the assumption on Penelope's general air of distress and the fact that she's huddling miserably in her nightgown on the opposite side of his bed.

"It was lovely," she answers, mournful.

Oh, well, obviously.

John amends his assessment. "This was a good thing."

"I don't know! It was---oh. I just---John, I think he's in love with me. And I---I don't know---I didn't expect..." Penelope takes a shaky deep breath. "What if I hurt him?"

John was not aware that this was a hazard of kissing, as a matter of course, and he winces a little at the mental imagery. "Uh. Well. I don't know about that, but I feel like I can reassure you about Gordon's---um---general...uh...durability? I guess? He's pretty tough. I don't think you could've done anything to him in a back stairway that would've done him any, uh, any lasting harm." He pauses, corrects, "I mean, not if you weren't actively trying to."

Penelope swats him on the arm. "Not like that. I mean...I mean what if this isn't what he wants it to be? What if I'm not? What if I've taken the most terrible advantage? I wasn't thinking about it, he was just there and we were just talking and then it just happened and---oh. Oh, I don't know. If I broke his heart, I don't think I could bear it."

This is either a problem of perspective or a problem of scale, and John isn't certain which. This is really, absolutely not his area of expertise. "...is that...I mean, do you think that's likely?"

"I don't want it to be."

"Well, it sounds like that's a start, anyway." John hesitates a moment and tries to come up with something genuine, useful, and likely to make Penelope get the hell out of his bed. "Look, you know this isn't really my area. But I guess---just as general advice goes, I'll tell you what I tell anyone in an unfamiliar situation: don't be hasty, think carefully, and try not to do anything stupid. You'd be shocked how often people actually need to be told not to do anything stupid. Not," he adds hastily, before Penelope can catch up with the sentiment, "that I think you'd do anything stupid. Honestly, Pen, I think the fact that your biggest fear is that you might hurt him is the best indication that you probably won't."

She's listened intently to this instruction, and seems at least a little relieved to be given a clear directive. "Do you really think so?"

"I really do," John tells her solemnly, and hopes that he's been sufficiently convincing. It's very late. He yawns pointedly.

"He's just dreadfully sweet, your brother."

"When he wants to be."

"I do like him quite a lot."

"I'm told he's fairly likeable."

"And he's very handsome."

"This family has reasonably good genes."

"And he's a fantastically good kisser."

"I really don't need to know about that."

"I would very much like to go kiss him some more. Do you suppose he's still awake?"

John pauses. This, actually, sounds like it goes against exactly the advice he's just given---but it would probably get her out of his bed. He wrangles with the answer for only a moment, before he settles on the careful statement, "I think if he's had as much to drink as you have, he's probably off sleeping somewhere equally as ridiculous as in my damn bed."

"So you think I should go find him?"

Categorically not, but---"I think you should get out of my bed, so I can go back to sleep."

"I suppose I should, shouldn't I?" The mattress jostles as Penelope clambers off it, but she doesn't quite leave. In the moonlight through the bedroom window, in her long white dressing gown, she looks almost ghostly. John's already settling back down, nestling beneath the blankets. "You've been very helpful," she whispers, finally taking the hint.

"Just doing my job."

"Thank you very much."

"Mmhm."

“Good night, John.”

By the time the bedroom door opens and closes softly again, John's already halfway back to sleep. He wonders only briefly if he'll even remember this conversation in the morning. Privately, it's possible he hopes not.

[bizarre-dollhouse]

Discussing the intersection of expectations, culture, and narrative structure when it comes to suspension of disbelief and perceived narrative quality (using Kuroshitsuji and Sherlock season 4 as examples)

The title makes this sound kind of smart but in reality this is another really really long and totally incoherent ramble that accomplishes nothing it’s just something I thought was interesting and wanted to rant about. I’m sorry. One day I’ll go back to writing clever text posts I just don’t know when that day will come.

TL;DR: I thought of what it would be like to describe the 2ct becoming canon to someone who’s never heard of it and it sent me on this long spiral of thought where I concluded that the cleverness of a plot twist can be weighted on toooootally different criteria depending on who you ask.

Honestly the 2ct becoming canon is the most bizarrely conflicting plot twist to ever happen to a fandom.

Like, on the one hand I legitimately think that it was a good twist although who knows it could fall apart in the future only time will tell. I say that because in retrospect it was blatantly obvious (especially in the Boat arc and the Green Witch arc) but Yana still framed everything in such a way that it still felt ambiguous. Evidence piled up piece by piece so each thing on its own could be like “nah, it’s just a coincidence” but once it’s all together it starts to be like “....that’s a lot of coincidences.....hmmmmmm”

Plus, it’s a fun twist even if you figure it out before hand. Also, if you did put all of the pieces together you get that fun feeling of accomplishment that comes with solving a puzzle. 

On the other hand, one of my friends was really into to kuro, but (as far as i know) she’s not caught up past the green witch arc and she doesn’t keep up with the fandom on tumblr, so she probs doesn’t know about the 2ct or that it’s canon (and even if she does then idk make this a hypothetical friend it still works).

I’m like

What would she even say if I told her that Ciel has a twin brother? I can’t imagine it being anything except for “what the fuck! that doesn’t make sense and came out of buttfuck nowhere!”

Which is weird bc, as stated earlier, I think it was a plot twist which was easy enough to figure out, but maybe if you weren’t looking for hints then it’s actually a bad twist.

But on another level, that doesn’t make a lot of sense to me either. Because a twist that you can figure out is good, but if it’s too obvious then it just feels like a stupid non-twist. And, like I said, I think Yana did a really good balance of “in plain sight” but also kind of ambiguous (that’s also just my opinion, though). 

Sooo...why do I think it would feel so out of left field and terrible if you didn’t figure it out?

I think the elephant in the room is the fact that it’s the most cliched plot twist in the history of western media. Ever. Any parody of a soap opera being used for comedic purposes shows how corny and stupid soap operas are by showing someone had a secret twin. Fucking Gravity Falls had the twin twist but they still had a fake show to make fun of how cliched their own canon plot twist was. It’s mostly only annoying if it’s to create artificial drama or legitimately comes out of nowhere (which I’ll get into later), but it’s still a joke at this point from being used in the past.

it’s a cultural meme.

And this is super fucking unfair because, as akumedeenglish points out, it’s not a trope in Japan, so for Yana and her Japanese fans this is probably purely and unironically rad.

But for any member of the Western fandom who hasn’t heard of the 2ct or just thought the idea was stupid, it feels really stupid. 

If I were to tell someone who doesn’t get into kuro theories something like “hey, John Brown turned out to be a grim reaper!” their reaction would probably be more positive even though there is waaaaaaaay less evidence for that actually being a thing even though i want that to be a thing.

But at least you can take it seriously.

I feel like the main reason people hated the 2ct even before it became canon is because it is physically impossible to not think it’s dumb on some level just because it’s been made fun of so much, even if from a technical writing structure it makes perfect sense.

Expectations and specifics can greatly affect the public perception of a good twist. My absolute favourite comparison to make is the twist in Sherlock season 4, which is literally the worst twist of all time ever. In that show, Sherlock also has a super secret sibling, except it makes no fucking sense. Sherlock apparently magically forgot about her, and apparently she had the ability to mess with him at anytime but just...chose not to for several years.

Also she can fucking control people and see the future in a show that is not science fiction and is supposedly set in reality.

Like nothing was building up to the twist except for like one line where Mycroft says something about “the last one” or something implying maybe there was another Holmes. Still dumb, and still last minute. But because of that people weren’t dedicated to an expectation that the sibling theory wasn’t canon, so there was no disappointment, just shock.

Followed by disappointment when the next episode aired.

But what made me paranoid was that my mom (who also hated season 4 of sherlock by the by) had a coworker who totally thought that it made sense and wasn’t contrived as shit. My mom said something that made me rethink the entire structure of a show like Sherlock compared to the Kuro manga.

“He was defending it”.

So of course I sat down to have an existential crisis about the nature of plot twists and narrative structure. “Am I just defending a shitty plot twist by telling myself it wasn’t shitty?” I thought to myself while sitting with my fist under my chin in an intellectual position of philosophical thought.

No, with a “maybe” on standby in case this whole Phantomhive twin thing totally sucks in future chapters.

Like i said, the 2ct follows the structural rules for creating a good plot twist. It makes narrative sense, and you could figure out before hand while still having fun with it. The same fucking plot twist was total bs in Sherlock for the reasons mentioned above (btw I should point out that I actually like the first two seasons of Sherlcok before anyone has my head. I would also like to point you towards the 1.5 hour video where someone describes how Sherlock doesn’t work as a mystery bc in that video there is a clip of the directer/writer saying “ah man, if we dove into Sherlock’s backstory, that would be a mistake and no one would buy it!” ....but you did. ah yes. clearly the sibling thing was a brilliant and well thought out twist and not something you made up to look clever. way to be consistent.)

Kuro is dumb, but it’s not stupid.

Sherlock looked smart but turned out to be incompetent. 

Plus, even though I love kuro, I’m not gonna sit here and be like “oh man, that boyband arc was totally necessary and not stupid at all! I’m sure glad Yana spent 3 whole volumes describing Ciel having wacky antics at a public school!” I may have Stockholm Syndrome when it comes to this manga but I also have standards. (Actually in all honesty I was falling out of love with the series because I hated the boyband stuff so much, but real ciel brought me back XD).

(Actually, I think a valid point about the 2ct becoming canon is that the timing was baaaaaad because it happened right after a point where people where drastically losing interest in the series).

But in the end, it is a legitimately bad twist for some people for a multitude of reasons. It is cliched, even if Yana didn’t know that and it only affects western readers. It can change people’s perception of the main character in a way they don’t like. If you’re an audience member who has never heard of the 2ct, it can really feel like it came out of buttfuck nowhere. Plus, for every reader, it kinda turned the series in a weird direction??? I legitimately have no idea where this is going. It could totally suck balls. Yana could unintentionally make it follow the evil twin cliche to a point of nausea. My only ray of confidence is coming from the fact that she had a plan for this and I have foolish optimism.

So I guess at the end of the day it comes down to suspension of disbelief and level of investment/curiosity? Like, how much are you willing to accept it as a twist that makes sense and are you interested enough to see how it plays out.

But like I said, I still think it’s a good twist based on dramatic stakes, narrative consistency, and the fact that it was set up in a clever way. This becomes a lot more obvious when Kuro is compared to Sherlock season 4.

That’s my rant. bye.

[salty-dracon]

ace hang plays noctis umbra part 3

SINS OF ANGELS | Noctis Umbra Part 3 | Ace Hang Plays Otome

(Yes, they do have semi-serious titles when shit hits the fan)

Last time on Ace Hang Plays Otome: 

Lily: Wow, he’s UGLY. How the FUCK is this guy a SUCCUBUS he’s UGLY

Brid: Well, technically he’d be an incubus. Because he’s a guy. 

Lily: That doesn’t change the fact that he’s UGLY

Brid: Maybe he radiates some kind of.... hot energy-

Lily: THE. ONLY ENERGY. THAT FUCKER RADIATES. IS CATCALLING YOU FROM HIS 2002 HONDA CIVIC WHILE WEARING A TWO YEAR OLD SWEAT-COVERED WIFE BEATER ENERGY. 

Brid: You don’t-

Lily: HE LOOKS LIKE A GIJINKA FOR THE WORD DOMESTIC ABUSE

---------

Lily: Hey, everyone! Ace Hang here! I’m Lily!

Brid: I’m Brid! 

(Val and Arthur pop in from the sides) 

Val: I’m Val!

Arthur: And I’m Arthur! 

All: And we’re playing Noctis Umbra Chapter Two! 

Brid: Yes, that’s right! The whole gang’s here and together for a nice round of otome! 

Val: It’s summer vacation, and our Minecraft 1.14 series will be up as soon as 1.14.2 is out, just so all of the bugs are ironed out. We’re planning to play multiplayer and do experiments to keep all of your spirits up. 

Lily: I’m super excited. 

Arthur: Yeah, same. We’ve got tons of plans! 

Brid: But for now, Noctis Umbra Chapter 2 is out, and when we last left off, we learned that Valerius was lying to us again. 

Lily: Also our dad is ugly and evil. 

Arthur: Rana is a queen. 

Val: Thor was there...?

Brid: .... Yeah, basically. Let’s get back to the action! 

--------------------

Lily: A Kapre. A stalker.... Do you guys know anything about that? 

Val: Capre.... Caper... 

Brid: Oh, Capra demon. Remember that 4chan post? 

Val: Oh yeah! 

Arthur: ...? 

Lily: Super sexy demon or something. In the post he had a goat skull head. Wonder what this boi’s gonna look like. 

Arthur: He’ll either be adorable or ugly.  

(Efren appears) 

Lily: ffffFFWAHAHAHA WHAT IS THAT

Brid: That is not what I was expecting. 

Arthur: I was expecting like, James Bond, not a guy in a mohawk wearing a Minecraft shirt! 

Val: Wow. Holy shit. Oh my god. He looks like a cis guy decided to dress like a  fucking drag queen for Halloween without knowing what a drag queen was. He looks like someone who unironically enjoys Kingdom Hearts and somehow mixed in a shitty hacker aesthetic. He looks like a 30 year old virgin who also runs a gaming channel that relies on clickbait for income. He looks like a guy cosplaying as his own My Hero Academia OC. He looks like-

Brid: Okay, that’s enough. 

Lily: He looks like that one Invader Zim character watches anime all day in his basement-

Brid: Stop it. Anyway, looks like he’s with the enemy... and wants to recruit us... and give us cookies. 

Lily: Cookies. Om nom nom. 

-----------

Lily: WAHAHA they’re good cookies. 

Brid: I love the little package of cookies on her lap. 

Val: Seriously, I’d kill a guy who gave me too many cookies, though. At 3am. Every day. 

Lily: “You’re just grumpy because you’re hungry. You’re hangry.”

Arthur: “I am not hangry!”

Lily: “You sound hangry!”

Val: And Tae steals the cookies. And they’re good. 

------------

Val: You know, I’m glad the main characters are warming up to Tora. Not treating her like a kid. 

Brid: She’s learning high school chemistry, so I don’t think it’s out of the question that she’s at least fifteen. 

Arthur: Yeah. And MyDude is treating her very nicely. 

Val: Yeah. I’m glad. Like seriously, edgy war stories just... hate kids. Like, fuck the kids. Adults are the only ones that survive here. 

Lily: Yeah, it’s nice change of pace. EY, RANA! Look, Arthur. That’s my favorite character. 

Arthur: I see.

Val: Honestly, the whole Noctis Umbra crew is great. Except for Valerius. Fuck that guy. 

Arthur: I think he might have a reason for keeping those secrets of his, though. 

Val: This is coming from the same guy who actually trusts the rich kid in the other one they were playing. Fuck, I forget his name. 

------------

Val: “Ae-ri needs your help grocery shopping.”

Lily: I’m gonna be super surprised if it’s not like the South Asian market my parents visit for cheap spices. 

Brid: Seriously, what else do you expect from this game? 

.........

Brid: Yes, that’s the last place I expected to find a bunch of underworld denizens that are part demon or something. Going shopping at a grocery store. And not a South Asian market.

Lily: What, did you think they subsided on human energy alone? 

Val: I mean, Tae lives offa sweets. First he ate his sister’s cheesecake, then he ate those cookies, then he ate that pudding... he’s just got a big sweet tooth.

Lily: Oh, big mood, Tae. I like him. He and Keelan are so funny. Everyone’s just laying into him. 

Arthur: “That’s a lot of hot sauce...” 

Brid: I see we’ve got our own weird tastes... 

Val: Ha. Melons. Innuendos. 

Lily: Or Avatar reference. 

Arthur: ... 

Brid: What’s up?  

Arthur: Imagine- meanwhile in the aisle next door, Riley hits her teacher with a shopping cart!

Lily: That would be an amazing easter egg. Keelan’s looking for his paint, barely dodges a chaotic dumbass bisexual disaster, she immediately hits someone else who happens to be her teacher. 

Val: Said teacher was also hacking the grocery store’s WiFi with his phone, which proceeds to fall into the lobster tank. 

Lily: Not saying Riley wouldn’t do that. 

(Small animation with bad doodles)

Arthur: I imagine Keelan’s like... “Alright... broad paintbrush, purple acrylic paint... ” and he just hears screaming, and there’s Riley just narrowly missing him and slamming right into her teacher. 

Brid: You say that like she intentionally hit him. 

---------------

Val: OH GOD IT’S THE UGLY GUY!

Lily: Damn. That’s the first thing you fixate on?

Arthur: Oh boy. Something’s going down... 

Lily: Is Valerius here? Is that why she’s- Oh, hey Luca. 

Val: Oh my god, it’s Tall Evil Valerius. 

Brid: He’s so tall we can’t even see the top of his head. 

Lily: That’s funny, because I always imagined Valerius to be like, 5′4... 

Val: His name is “Aleron”. HOLY FUCK HE JUST KILLED LUCA

Arthur: OH MY GOD

Lily: WELL THAT’S NOT GOOD AT ALL IS IT

Brid: FUCKING DEAD. PRESS F. 

Lily: REMINDER TO HIT THAT F BUTTON IF YOU’RE ANGRY THAT LUCA JUST DIED

Brid: AND SHE JUST OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRUS HIM

--------------

Lily: That feeling when you teleport the enemy leader right into your base. 

Val: Fucking seriously. The whole crew must be having aneurysms. 

Arthur: Ha. “I leave you alone for two seconds and you start a world war.”

Lily: Welcome back to another episode of “Man with half the facts in heated debate with man with zero facts”. 

(Meme appears on screen with the two men’s faces replaced with Leo and Valerius)

Brid: More like “Two men seriously think they know what’s right for the world as a whole based on flawed information”. 

Val: “Where’s her room?!” “She doesn’t have one.” “Where does she sleep?!” “The couch.” 

Brid: Get ready for Angry Father Rage. 

Val: “YOU LET MY DAUGHTER SLEEP ON A COUCH?!”.... DAMMIT why did the scene have to end there. 

Lily: So you wouldn’t have to yell at yourself?

------------------

Val: “Your mother loved heights too-” Sheesh, did she love jumping off them?!

Lily: Fucking hell. Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what he meant, though. 

Brid: Yeah, this guy’s kind of an asshole, to be honest. 

Arthur: I guess with the whole unification thing, they need her. 

Lily: I love how she’s mad Aleron killed Luca because she wanted to punch him in the face. 

----------------

Val: Oh boy, things are heating up. So because of the prophecy, the demon kids are all uniting, and the angels wanna beat em back. And they took over a human organization to do it. 

Lily: Angels. It’s always angels. 

Brid: Do any of you like Valerius any more now? 

Val: NO. He’s kind of a dickhead. Still. 

Arthur: At least he’s telling us more. 

Brid: Yeah, very true. 

Val: Why does Valerius look at us and see everything right with Nocturnals? We’re an angry district attorney who sucks the life out of people with the power of Satan and anime. 

Lily: Angels. It’s always angels. 

Arthur: You said that. 

Brid: I did say I’d romance Valerius, so-

Val: WAIT I NEVER SAID I’D DO A KISS SCENE-

----------------

Lily: And with that, looks like we’ve reached the end of Chapter 3! What do you guys think? This is your first time playing with us, right?

Val: ... Why do I have to be rolled up in the politics of white men? 

Lily: Pretty sure Leo’s Latino. 

Val: Still. 

Brid: Politics, politics. I still do love the group dynamic between the Noctis Umbra crew, though. Not Valerius, just MyDude, Ae-ri... 

Arthur: Tae, Keelan, and Rana. Yeah. And whoever else I’m forgetting. They’re very cute together, and it kinda sucks that they’re dealing with the whole underground war thing, otherwise I feel like we’d get a lot of cute scenes with them. 

Lily: Very true. Any theories? 

Arthur: Remember when Valerius called MyDude Umbra? I think it’s because she’s the kid of both an angel and a demon. 

Brid: Oooooo. What do you have to back it up? 

Arthur: We don’t see much about her mother. Apparently she left her in an orphanage named after a saint. Also, Leo mentioned that the mom loved heights. Besides the jumping implication, it might mean that she’s an angel. Maybe one that couldn’t fly.

Lily: I think umbra does mean shadow, which evokes themes of both light and darkness, so it’s very possible. 

Brid: Interesting. Well, we’ve been recording for an hour, so I think that’s all the time we have for today. 

Lily: Sweet! 

Brid: Can’t wait to see where this story takes us next! And we’re planning our next playthrough to probably be either the next part of Oathbreaker, or Hatoful Boyfriend. 

Val: Make sure to like and subscribe for more content, and stay classy!