#You guys always cheer me up
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I love you guys 💕
You guys always seem to know how to cheer me up, this has been the most positive and best fandom I’ve ever been in. Thank you for liking me and Daphne! 💙💚
#wild kratts#wild kratts oc#daphne donata#self insert#I love all of you guys so much#but especially my moots#i love my mutuals#I love this fandom so much#💚💙#I love seeing everyone else’s posts too!#You guys always cheer me up
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Randy: IS HE DEAD?!?
Jake: ...No, he's just tired
Not being able to tell if your half ghost friend is dead or just dead tired is kinda hard sometimes-
#randy cunningham#jake long#danny fenton#dp#rc9gn#adjl#danny phantom#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#american dragon jake long#secret trio#Hellooo I'm back with another dose of the besties-#i haven't drawn much because a lot is still happening so ye it's taking a while#but anyways thank you guys so much for leaving nice comments and reblogs on my posts✨💜 they always cheer me up everytime I'm sad :)#I'll try my best to make more of what you guys like as thanks! :D
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I just wanted to gush about how much I absolutely love your art 🥹 I can’t wait to see more in future
And I couldn't be thankful enough for all the love 😭❤️
I thrive on comments like this, especially rn with uni wrecking me in half and trimming the little leisure time I have.
Hope I'll still be able to draw our favourite heinous old man in these next weeks 🥲
#thank you thank you thank you again 💕💕#life's being a bitch but you guys always cheer me up#ask box#salemspeaks
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Two birds, One Stone, and Me
A Persona 5 snippet starring Akechi ft. Kaito Kuroba (Magic Kaito) and Asuka (an oc by @misty-wisp)!
Akechi massaged his temples as he walked through the station after having just gotten out of the train. It was headache one after another for him nowadays, the matter with Shido's jobs combined with the emergence of the so called Phantom Thieves of Hearts, not to mention the return of that pesky thief Kaito KID in Japan after doing heists overseas. His first problem is easy to deal with, as something he had gotten used to doing, his second problem was coming along well enough as he already has a good idea on who the members of the Phantom Thieves are, and the third problem is the biggest headache of all as Kaito KID has been a consistent problem for years now. Disappearing in the past only to have a come back years after and no one has any idea how to deal with him.
There's already even a police force specifically designed to capture that thief and yet there's no progress at all anyway. And for some goddamned reason, Akechi was also tasked to help with that too!
If a police force dedicated to capturing that thief can't even handle it then what else can I do anyway? Detective Prince my ass, if only those people know the truth they wouldn't add on to my mountain of problems something nearly impossible to achieve!
Figuring out the identities of the Phantom Thieves were easy with how sloppy they were at keeping it hidden in the first place but figuring out the identity of a criminal that's most likely been at it for more than a decade isn't something Akechi should be doing in the first place. That should fall on the hands of the adults instead.
Ah but of course! Adults are practically useless, good for nothing fools who's only good at hurting others and getting children to clean up after them, OF COURSE! WHY ELSE AM IN THIS WHOLE MESS ANYWAY IF NOT FOR THAT!
Akechi let out a small quiet sigh, it's best for him to retire for the day and take a rest, although, just as he rounded the corner, he was met with a particularly familiar face that had immediately fallen into a frown the split second she noticed Akechi.
“Ah, Asuka, yes?” Akechi put on his usual polite smile, the face of the exemplary Detective Prince.
“Riight, yeah.” She averted her eyes from him, it was obvious it wasn't out of embarrassment, “Excuse me.”
Akechi could just let her go, but a thought formed on his mind, “Wait, if it's alright with you, could you spare some of your time to have a short chat?”
Asuka attends the same school as Akira. In fact, she attends the same school as most of the members of the Phantom Thieves. There's a possibility of her being involved with them, it's better to check just in case.
There was also... That... Although it doesn't seem to be relevant at the moment, it was still a particular pattern to keep in mind.
Asuka looked back, her eyes squinted slightly, though it was still a frown, Akechi can feel the sharpness of a glare hidden behind a thin veil of public civility. “Unfortunately, no. Goodby—”
“Isn't that…”
Just before Asuka could finish her sentence, a person by the distance caught Akechi's attention. And as his gaze fell on the figure's back, the person turned to meet his eyes.
It was Kaito Kuroba. Someone who's close to Akira.
Asuka followed Akechi's sight with a glance and it was at that moment that Kaito beamed at them before waving his hand as he approached the two.
“Oh hey! You're that so called Detective Prince, aren't you?” He smiled so brightly at them Akechi felt blinded and very much so annoyed.
But he can't quite show such a thing, smile, smile… smile… he needs to smile.
“Ah, yes—”
Kaito then quickly turned to Asuka, her passive aggression towards Akechi was replaced with slight anxiety, “And you… Ah! You're that student Akiki told me before! You sit behind him, yeah?”
She nodded, “R-right…”
. . .
Akechi really hates this guy.
He mentally collected himself, it seems that he'd have to talk to Asuka another day. Though this is an ideal situation of killing two birds with one stone, both of them have possible connections to the Phantom Thieves but right now, he'd rather not deal with someone as obnoxious as that guy.
Kaito clapped his hands, “Hey! Since we're all here, how about a meal? My treat! I'd love to get to know more about Asuka and Mister Detective Prince! It's not everyday an opportunity like this can come by!”
Goddammit, WHY?! “You're right, I'll take you up on that offer then.”
“I'll take my leave instead…”
“Now, now, Asuka. Since this kind person is going to treat us, wouldn't it be polite to accept such an offer? He seems to know someone close to you too.”
FINE! Might as well take this chance! DAMMIT!!!
“I'm not really… close to him though.” Asuka tried to take a step away from them.
“Aww! Please, please, please, pretty please? How about I help you with homework too? Please come with us! The more the merrier after all!” Kaito pleaded with the best puppy dog eyes expression he can muster.
“Exactly!” Akechi added, to which Asuka openly glared at him for.
For a second, the two's expression seemed to telepathically communicate with each other, two different thoughts yet both in sync enough to converse with the other.
This bastard is surely planning something…
If I'm getting roped in with this guy, I'm going to drag you into this one too.
. . .
And so, the unlikely trio sat by the table of a restaurant nearby. One who was visibly dragged in, another beaming with a light as bright as an artificial sun, and lastly someone who deep down wanted to break the glass of water nearby as they waited for their orders.
Dealing with Asuka should be easy enough but this obnoxious bastard has got to be faking this entire overly cheerful personality of his otherwise his entire existence is just gonna piss me off to no end.
“So, you go to Ekoda High, Kaito? That's quite far from here.” Akechi is luckily used to maintaining this image of his, it should be easy to do despite how badly he want to just get out already.
“Nah! So long as you know your ins and outs, it's actually pretty close by!”
“Is that so—”
“By the way, Asuka! Your scarf suits you so well! It even matches your uniform!” Kaito cut Akechi off again.
Deep breaths… This guy… is clearly doing that on purpose!
“Ah… Thanks…” She took a small glance at Akechi and then at Kaito before looking at her scarf, she seemed to be thinking about something.
It's fine, if his goal is to rile me up then let him try, his attempts won't work on me at all anyway.
“Being a so called Detective Prince at that age sure is impressive, huh Akechi?” Kaito threw the ball back at Akechi's court.
“It's nothing I can't handle—”
“Yeah, it must be so hard getting swarmed with cases left and right that you don't even have time to do all of them anymore.” It was Asuka that cut him off this time.
“Pardon?”
“Oh, I'm just saying. In a general sense.” Asuka slightly squinted at him and seemingly rolled her eyes in a subtle manner as she turned to look away. It was as if a switch was flipped and now, instead of Akechi killing two birds with one stone, it feels as though that two birds are killing him with one stone.
. . .
Akechi mentally sighed as he could only freeze his own smile in place to keep it from faltering, he shouldn't have accept this invite.
#ariawrites#mkp5#persona oc#friends oc#this turned out longer than i wanted it to be... but it somehow was pretty fun trying an akechi pov!#i can see this guy being oh so polite outwardly but you just know that deep down hes just so done with everything#pairing him up with not only One person capable of giving him a headache but adding another one to the mix is sooo fun#mental torture in the form of akechi trying to manipulate the situation to go his own way but it doesnt purely cuz#Someone (kaito) wants to fuck with him so terribly he got asuka joining the wagon#the moment kaito saw akechi he IMMEDIATELY thought: oh good! a detective i can mentally mess with. i should be as annoying#as humanly possible for shits and giggles this one time. thatd be a fun first impression for me#dont worry akechi he isnt Always that annoying he just saw an interesting situation and decided to add fuel (himself) to the fire#asuka sees kaito be so obviously overly cheerful to the point of being so visibly fake and thought: oh god who's this guy#and then sees kaito just purposely annoy akechi every chance he gets and just: oh wait this is an opportunity for me too!#long story short: kaito +1 and asuka +1. akechi +2 headaches. he lost this round. better luck next time!#i also referenced that oneshot misty wrote with asuka and akechi with the interrogation room scene they had!
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CUPID HI Being nervous of image does happen sometimes and it's a really difficult thing but I think you're so FUN! Not a lot of people want to be [ Whatever you'd call your behavior ] for a similiar reason you're apologizing for so I think you should take a day to appreciate that uniqueness isn't a horrible dooming end of the world situation. Take what you think is a flaw of yours and look at it as something that others love you for. I can promise that people most likely PREFER you're overly excited
ajgkfhdkfdkjghkjfdhgjkfdhgjkfdhgkjfdhgfdjkg this is too sweet i really wish i could express how much i needed it i hope you have the best day ever. i love you so muchhh
#i just woke up i slept after posting all that#it's going to take a LONG TIME FOR ME TO EVER accept myself but i can tell you mean this#it's not said for the sake of making me feel better#im hugging you#no one has to ever send big messages to cheer me up i usually just get into these moments where the paranoia is heightened and i worry#it passes#i still needed this admittedlyy. i try to act all ��tough” like a lonewolf siutation when i know damn well i cant cope#HEPL#like no way do i want to use you guys as therapists i mean i don't mind comfort just sometimes. i usually shut it down#i should be more open to it though#stop thinking “omg everyone feels forced to care about you”#it's always that and “EVERYONE HATES YOU JUST DIE ALREADY” like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA what the fuck!#my brain is so feverish annd scaryy my thoughts get so bad always#i def feel like. RIGHT NOW i have a lot to be thankful for so it feels selfish to ac t this way but anyways#goodnight again#AND IM SORRY I SAW THIS KIND OF LATE???????????????????????????????#uh#BYE BYE IF ANYONE READ ALL THAT
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Today’s blessings: I got a pretty new lace skirt and a beret today! ♡
Plus my sister bought me some ice cream, and it’s my favorite flavor :D
(*One* of them that is .. it’s so hard to choose !! I like strawberry, vanilla, cookie dough and birthday cake, but I will try most any flavor just cus ice cream is the best!)
My puppies Selah and Nutmeg went to go visit my dad as well, since he can’t move they just sleep next to him and I get to read to him — My mom was having a tough day as well, so I think seeing us helped her, too ♡
🎀 . ˚ * . ʚ 🤍 ɞ
#♡#rosy things#i like writing these down c:#when you stop and think of your day — no matter how bad there is always something to be grateful for !#so matter how i feel it just keeps me going and cheers me up i suppose c:#there are big things as well : i do not live in a war zone - i have fresh water - i have a home#just good for perspective - fills me with much gratitude c:#how about you my friends ?? c:#what sort of fun things have you guys been up to ??#as always i hope you are well and happy and taking care ~ ! c:#sending hugs and lots of ice cream ~ !!#take care ~ !! c:#xo ! ♡#🎀 . ˚ * . ʚ 🤍 ɞ
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sometimes i see that a post i liked right after it was made is making the rounds on community tumblr and i think “ooo look at me being all unique and ahead of the curve” and then i remember that i have no life and am scrolling through the tags 24/7 interacting with nearly every post that mentions abed by name and im like ohhhh yeah
#community#community nbc#abed nadir#troy barnes#trobed#honestly could say this about my posts as well#everything i post is like incoherent rambling#but some of you guys hype me up in the notes like “so true op!”#i love tumblr bc ur basically saying every little fandom related thought that pops into your head#and somehow there’s like three people who are always cheering you on#i could just type abed’s name and someone will be like “your brain is unparalleled”#does wonders for my confidence thank you
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Guys. I just went to prom all by myself without a date (cuz nobody asked me) and friends (even tho I’ve been living here for 3 years). I was going to just mope and be sad, but I decided to just have an epic time and be really happy. I even went out on a limb and asked this dude to dance with me, and he was genuinely happy and ACTUALLY had rizz, and turned out to be an elite smash bros player who actually likes and plays kingdom hearts. WHAT!? WHO IS THIS MAN?
I SHOULD NOT HAVE LET HIM LEAAAVEEE
#kingdom hearts#Kh#that one gamer guy who came with a classy date who decided to dance with the overly cheerful stranger girl#tangent time#i am so happy I actually had a good expirience#the bro asked me my name#I ALWAYS HAVE TO INITIATE THINGS BUT NOT WITH HIM#HE HAS RESTORED MY FAITH IN THE WORLD#WHAT AN EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN BEING#CLAP FOR HIM#IDK IDK#His name was Aiden#support kingdom hearts rizz boys#Aiden if you read this:#you are a lovely human being#thx for helping me save my prom experience#and plz break up with your girlfriend
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to myself, from years ago
#birthdays are always tough for me so i made a lil doodle to cheer me up!!#🥳#hopefully to many more years#thank you for all of your support over on this site guys!#personal#will probably delete in a day as to not clog up the blog oops
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i do think nandor would go fucking insane if laszlo and guillermo hooked up but i don’t think that should by any means be a deterrent. in fact i would like to see it
#i think they would have to hold him while he cries about how left out he feels if they did tho#nandor sobbing ‘you guys don’t even like me anymoreee’#guillermo being like ‘master whatever happens between me and laszlo can never change what we have’#laszlo like ‘yes cheer up old chap there’s always room on daddy’s lap for nandor’#the b plot is nadja avoiding the guide because had a very vivid sex dream about her#the guide’s like no we full on had sex but nadja kept saying shhh you are only dreaming during it#colin robinson gets really into greys anatomy
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I hope this isn't weird but earlier I was thinking about how much good artists do in the world, and so many artists don't recognize it. You bring a lot of joy to a lot of people. I've gotten a few commissions from you at this point, and every time I look at them I get so happy because, man, there was someone who took time to create something for me (I know I payed, but still!) Beyond that, I have seen when you draw little doodles just because people inspire you to eith their asks. You practiced your skill and you use it to make others happy and that's so valuable. You contribute a lot to this world just by bringing people's moods up, and I hope you recognize that. You're pretty awesome :)
t thank yuou ,....
#fave#snap chats#HIDING BEING THE BIGGEST SAPPIEST SAPPY SAP IN THE TAGS#PLEAAASSSEE BRO I CAN'T ALMOST BE CRYIN AT 11AM THATS SO EMBARRASSINGGGG#BUT REAL THANK YOU SO MUCHH 😭😭 i say it a lot but i really cant stress how happy i get making other people happy#and thank you for commissioning me !! it's helped me out a lot so thank you for the support you've given me in the past :')#i hope i can continue to make you happy whether its through a future commission or the lil drawings i do everyday#i keep re reading this byyyyeeeeeee im a big ol blubbering BABY this is really sweet#i say a lot that i draw for myself and i do but i also have you guys as motivation to get better#cause sometimes i just wanna hang up a drawing or idea but then i just think like 'there'll be at least ONE other person who'd like this'#and if i can make one other person happy then i'm more than glad to put in the extra work and get that pay off#so i have to thank you guys a whole lot too for giving me motivation to draw everyday and help nurture that passion#cause sure i love drawing and i love the things i draw but it's always nice to h ave other people cheering for you too#it's nice that i can get other people interested in the stuff i like..#didnt really get that growing up so im glad i can have that with yall now and have fun :]#so again thank yall so much for bein lovelies and chattin with me and leaving tags and just supporting me#CANNOT stress how much it means to me so again. Thank You. i hope me drawins can show a fraction of my gratitude
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all tacticians are black-hearted exhibit d
(more s3 ep7 commentary below cut)
another small gag that never gets old is the "zhang-dui!" "it's fudui."
🥺
why'd they black out his silhouette 😭 big "stop telling people i'm dead" vibes
anyway wahhhhhhh zjllllllll im so emo
the noise i emitted is inaudible to human ears
ha ha very funny
this is a zhang jiale post now sorry not sorry
god these cuts are so good aughhhh
okay yeah they really went all out for this ep (ep 31 / s3 ep 7 i think?). wahhhhh. sometimes i think i'm past my "excessive tka feels era" but nope
#quan zhi gao shou#synco talks#god every time they show... anyone basically... i wanna stand up and cheer at the screen#look at xsq. poor guy#he's too honest he joined to spy and then immediately got too into it / personally invested#i will never get over how all these tacticians interact with each other for 0.2s and IMMEDIATELY recognize each other. it's so beautiful#ohhh the yx smc coordination fight sequence is good#but they robbed us of the phone drop scene how could they!!!#but still i love seeing them talking... tactician friendship...#tka will always overwhelm me with feels#i think ljy's arrival would've had more impact if they were better at maintaining char designs. but IT'S OK IM IMPACTED STILL AAAH#ohh they actually showed us the “come to our side. we have a spot for you” call wahhhh#anyway half my comments are in tags half are in the post. enjoy
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Hihi!! I just wanted to say that I absolutely ADORE your fics! BJ Deetz and the Office AU are just. So well made!!! Putting this here because I keep rereading them
have a wonderful day! :D
thank you!!!! i hope soon i can write more for you guys <3
#answered asks#i feel very battered around by life lately but you guys being sweet always cheers me up#even if it takes me days to feel able to respond im sorry about that#but really thank u for taking the time to say so
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Chiyori's experiences and opinions about the Jujutsu system (and by extent the defection of Suguru)
While attending Jujutsu High and working as a sorcerer, I think one of the more prominent observations that made a mark on Chiyori is how little support students and sorcerers received in dealing with struggles of psychological character. Because, well, they simply weren’t offered any, and as far as she’s noted, it's practically every man for themself.
Initially, Chiyori found it quite upsetting, if not surprising, how stark a contrast the lack of mental support was to the cozy, comfortable environment she originated from herself. An environment where her adoptive parents for the most part provided her the basic physical and psychological support she needed to thrive—
Because the first time Chiyori witnessed someone die before her, she was just fourteen and in her first year. No one was there to assist her through the trauma — no assistance was offered. There were several reasons for that, which Chiyori wholly ends up recognizing and acknowledging as she grows up. First being that her issues at that time were being overshadowed by the chaos that followed the defection of the special grade sorcerer Geto Suguru, her former senpai.
Second being that matters of such were heavily underprioritized, if not regarded as unimportant, and continues to be even through her adulthood. Third being that most members of the Jujutsu Community aren’t equipped to deal with these types of issues in the first place — they hardly know how to address their own emotional and mental struggles without encountering frustrations or resorting to direct violence. Because of all that, Chiyori had to deal with the trauma all by herself, which was admittedly tragic on her part, but instead of pointing fingers at others, she understood — as unfortunate as it was — the circumstances that lead to the treatment she (didn't) receive.
Chiyori got over it eventually. I’m not quite sure how. Maybe she never really did in fact, or it happened at later stages in her life, but at least her thoughts were elsewhere entirely during Suguru’s defection. Far away enough for her to not consider the ideals and principles that lead her senpai to renounce the rights of non-sorcerers. Even if she had, I doubt Chiyori would’ve agreed with him — even as a teen she would’ve found Suguru’s visions confusing, flawed and incredibly narrow-minded, if not immature, especially considering how head over heels she was for him much she admired him during her first year.
Most of all, she probably felt — and continues to feel — sad for him. Sad that his integrity shattered. Sad that his negative experiences with non-sorcerers ended up weighing heavier than the positive ones. Sad for anyone who let themselves get coloured — tainted — by the toxic grips of the Jujutsu system that continues to operate on twistingly outdated standards. Standards as well as ethics and morals that dictate how the Jujutsu system should operate internally as well as externally. (Though, if anyone were to ask sorcerer Chiyori, she’d probably say she doesn’t understand any of it. All of it too political for her, really).
It's the lack of compassion of those incumbent of the system that causes her to recoil. Their lack of empathy and by extent their lack of competency to properly reform the current laws to be on level with modern day thoughts on how things should be that cause sorcerer Chiyori — whether she’s entirely aware of it herself of not — to retract herself from the political sphere despite her rank.
To rephrase: I don’t necessarily think Chiyori regrets the whole Geto Suguru incident. Yes, she was upset, confused and disappointed, but she got over it eventually. And after her own personal experiences with the system, (she goes through her own set of trials and tribulations), she acknowledges that it was bound to happen eventually. If not for her senpai, then perhaps for someone else entirely, because after all, Chiyori is — or grows to become — smart enough to understand that emotions are the driving force behind every human action.
#headcanons#i really said: “AHEM in this essay i will..”#my chi doesn't stay sorcerer for long btw so when i say sorcerer chi i refer mostly to her years as young adult c:#she stops after age 21 due to reasons 👀 (she loses control of her ct)#me in the background whispering: oh girl but you understand soso much#just bc people underestimate your ability to grasp the entirety of a situation doesn’t mean you’re wrong#oooooooooh adult-adult chi getting a spot among the higher-ups to vouch for change after she returns? 👀#with all the traumatic experiences in her bag? 25-26 YEAR OLD CHIYORI IN A COMMANDING POSITION!?#idk how but it'll happen#i’m zooming around at the thought of this!#ziggy cheering her on from another dimension bc “babe becoming a politician was such a hot move”#that’s why the dimension troll continues to reclaim her after death bc she always manages to impress him#ziggy is my other oc who i paired w chi and he’s hardly relevant to her jjk storyline LOL#their relationship is existential in the most wicked romantic sense 😌#his nickname for her is bunny (machine) which i’ll let u guys ponder on for yourself 🐰
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bro is inquisitive
#thinking of the possibilities of how it could be worse it's funny how you start to get addicted to thinking like a danmei writer#you are like anddd what if this person was (insert a guy who coughed once in chapter 15) anyways#i managed to not get many spoilers bc i hate it but i have always suspected that shi mei had a thing for cwn firstly bc i once saw a ship#tag and was like ?? well that is not uncommon as people ship shrek with chanyeol (im people) but secondly after that scene where mo ran#pinky interrogated him i was sooo 100% sure of it. but then there was nothing much so i let it go. the one mini spoiler i saw was#the enemy on pinterest who replied to a pic of a character saying it was shi mei/other name (didn't look at it) so it was why i knew#he was classically someone else. but even without that his ass was raising suspicion just for the way how blank he was#and i knew it was intentional so i kept thinking who he could be and my guess was xu shuanglin (rest in pieces poor guy)#bc i thought that both of them had the same spiritual essence or something. also the guy in the motel at the beginning who also had water#essense could only be either of them. but this is not the point bc then i was thinking that shi mei was simultaneously mo nian#bc why would he have the reason to be annoyed with mo ran to that extent. and also bc i knew there was a fire and hua binance has face burn#but mo ran chopped his head off bless his souls and good for him so how else can that be worse#he could also be that child of nangong yan who had his mother die bc of mo ran and mom he would also have a reason to try and compare#himself to mo ran in every way and hate him but why would he need to store nangong blood for mount jiao is he is nangong himself#but that would be great for disgusting points bc he would be mo ran's half brother doing all that ??#im just taking a break from throwing up bc of his ass trying to assault cwn every chance he gets and idk anything yet#so it would be interesting to keep guessing his motives as i do not get it yet but also (procceed to throw up)#also his interactions with corpse taxian ?? god tier. taxian is in the middle of diss battle drops his mic after every sentence#the crowd (me) cheers. moving on but i really enjoy insane plot twists i wish i remembered well what i was thinking while reading tgcf#the widely known thing is that i didn't even consider that fu yao and nan feng were fengqing it's my favorite thing bc i wholeheartedly#believed the little guys just loved their generals way too much#00
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I used to take meds back then from autumn 2018 to autumn 2019. They were helping with paranoia, hyperactivity, impulsivity, anger issues, delusions, panic attacks, etc, you get the drill. They had good effects, such as me having been rather calm (to the point people were joking about how nothing could ever anger or scare me, lol), as well as more focused on writing or drawing things more than I've ever been in my life. But also they've made me so sleepy that I basically barely finished my last uni year when dozing off at every class, and I had a hard time providing the engaged, invested, "nerdy" conversations on every other topic like I do. I just quit them because not only being sleepy ALL the time would not let me work a job normally, but I also started to worry that I've been losing myself as a person. I was just so... detached and boring in conversations while medicated? Like you guys here know me as a person who is chronically like this:
But when I was medicated, it was far not this way. I was giving like... kinda tame and normie responses and thoughts, still excited but not TOO excited, etc. I am surprised that even while being a total slug on meds, I still had it in me to start fearing of losing my "eyes on the inside" xd
But I've been just thinking about stuff recently. I still loathe it when it is being handled like "you are a dangerous harmful monster that doesn't deserve compassion and trust and should be exciled from society", obvs, but the problem itself exists. I am kinda too intense, too much, too impulsive, my mood can drastically flicker within a second and flicker back just as fast. And I am paranoid. This year I even exhausted another paranoid person with being worse at it than them :/ (it always reminds me of a dream I had once, where Mic0lash of all people told me that I was "too crazy" for him fdshfh xD) I am extremely blessed to have friends and simply familiar people who accept and love me the way I am, but I am really starting to think that maybe I should delve back into it. That maybe something was wrong with the meds or the dose I used to be taking and I should try again. It is just really strange that being healthier would be able to "ruin" my passionate, nerdy, engaged personality. I've always been 'over the top' with how I think and with my creativity, even before any mental illness showed up, so sure it is just me and not any sort of positive symptom...? Like, clearly this is just my autism, not one of those other "mental illness" guys?
Well, all this talk is just in the scenario if I get enough financial stability to be able to afford monthly repackaging of meds. I am just having second thoughts on whether it is really a choice with no good option, and that maybe that previous doctor just made a mistake with prescriptions (could happen with anyone, even a professional). Or maybe I needed to demand trying something else but didn't. And I just assumed that "meds are a diabolic device to destroy a creative, nonconforming brain" (notice how it itself sounds a bit like a paranoid delusion, so clearly those meds were not quite helping with it lol). Not gonna lie, I am still scared that being calmer will kill the "real me", but at this point pain, paranoia and anger keep chopping away from my days and from my good experiences. And I can't control it.
But maybe I just should not have expected to hit the right way instantly, some people try out different meds for years before they find something that genuinely makes life better. Like maybe I got scared of how things have changed and gave up too soon, when I should have like, bugged doctor to try something else. I just want to believe that I don't have to choose between "being nerdy and engaged" and "stopping having panic/anger attacks that quite literally make me lose my mind". At least I gather enough optimism and benefit of the doubt to consider delving into it again, so there is something..
#personal#mental health#mental illness#not gonna lie guys paranoia is a really hard thing to seek help with#because yes if you are wondering it can get as bad as me believing that people who try to help are 'enemies'#like i can't even describe how REAL even the worst assumptions feel#i suppose i am having a small window of 'sanity' because early fall always cheers me up#i am describing this sort of thing more vaguely since you need to be at least lvl 5 friend to unlock the details fsjd#but i think it is pretty clear especially if anybody here has/had similar problems#at least if i crawl from the current debt pit i know where to put money that come above the bare minimum line lol
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