#You can't claim their suicide came out of nowhere

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

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[kissmeau]

Announcement + Plotting call!!

After opening this blog, I was hit with extra hours on my full-time job and two courses that need my discipline to finish!

Therefore, I came up with the idea of making a list of plots I would like to write, so if we follow each other and you have trouble coming with plot ideas like me, you can take a quick look at this and hit me up. Believe me, I want to write with you!!!

There's just a little WARNING!

I'm not tagging the content warning in this post since I want all my mutuals to be able to read this, so I'll divide this into two parts: lighter topics and darker topics. The second part will be under Keep Reading, with the appropriate tag first, so you know what to skip.

Last but not least, this is not strict at all. If you have any other ideas, I would love to hear about them. ^^

Teach my muse something! Anything, from an instrument to a language, to cook, etc. Also, Autumn will probably teach you some self-defense.

Fake-any-kind of relationship. Does your muse want to make anyone jealous? Do they need someone to get married to so they run away from their homophobic family? Did your muse lie and say their baby had a father? You make the call.

Your muse moves to their first home; all their savings and dreams went into that house, only to find out it's already occupied! They have nowhere else to go, and the legal technicalities will take months!

Escape room! Except you can't really go out, and as days go by, you start forgetting about your past life. The only thing grounding you is the person you came in with to the escape room.

Titanic AU! It doesn't have to be a ship. It's more about the experience of finding someone you can have fun with and liberate yourself from societal expectations. (If it comes to a table, there will be space for two).

The Lake House AU! If you haven't seen that movie, the idea is a place or object that connects two people from different periods. (I think Kimi no Nawa is like that, too?)

Emotional support muse!

Zombie AU, but the government is the one creating the zombies, the same that are inviting you to come back safe to certain facilities where safety is promised...

Traveling, traveling, traveling; anywhere your muse needs companionship!

Double agents AU.

Sugar daddy/baby AU.

(CW: Assassination, possible genocide) Autumn could be hired as a hitman or a sniper. A secret agent? He has no attachment to anyone or anything. He'll be loyal, except if the death of innocents gets out of hand.

(CW: Death, kidnapping, torture) Autumn has been hired to kidnap and torture your childhood friend or lover. Both your muse and Autumn had met before and were intimates too. Eventually, it comes to the death of either your childhood friend or your foe.

(CW: Mental illness/religion, murder) Hijo de la Luna AU. Parents muse believe they have made a deal with a deity. They'll be granted a kid in exchange for their souls. Ever since, they were obsessed with the day of their death. Eventually dying on accidents or natural reasons, muse is delusional and think the deity will claim him next. Paranoid, interactions with strangers are a threat.

(CW: Suicide, mental illness) Your muse wants to end their life by hiring someone who would shoot them. This will not end as they want to. Autumn will not only reject but stay there to support them.

(CW: Manipulation, psychological abuse) A few chosen ones must take care of a secret facility that provides "housing and coaching" to selected members of society. They are all being treated like lab rats.

(CW: Death, stabbing) Lovers to enemies. Either your muse or my muse gets stabbed after finding out they were used to getting something from one another. A relationship started with a lie and was held by lies. (It can end like Romeo and Juliette too).

(CW: Serial killer) If your muse has targeted men in their mid-twenties with no family or friends to miss them, choosing Autumn would end badly.

PS: The death of my muse is alright as long as it's been discussed.

[gaoau]

regret being born and lose

theory of the two demons warnings — none word count — 3.0k

prev. — next.

"i see you didn't take my advice," is the first thing Dazai says when [Name] limps into the training room. again, he's leaning against the wall. his voice, weightless and airy, resonates in their ears.

[Name] keeps themself from flinching—there's nothing to flinch about, they think, but their instinct argues otherwise. their fingers twitch, tempted to have a go at him. they notice the blood has been cleaned up, as have the few pieces of debris, and their forgotten blazer is nowhere to be seen.

this is their second day of training to be another pawn in the Port Mafia's chessboard. they did find there's an infirmary—Doc helped out the new recruit without questions, battered and bruised as they came to knock on the door late into the night. wrapped up in clean bandages and doped up with potent painkillers, [Name] rested as much as possible before some henchman had to fetch them. ("Dazai-san is calling for you downstairs. he said to be quick.") they wonder how he figured out they didn't go home yesterday.

they think their left leg is fractured. they know they should have eaten something earlier. when they take a look into their mentor's eye, they realize he's already replaced the bandages he oh-so-charitably lent them. they think they should just die. they know it's not the time. they think Dazai's smile is too empty.

"i'll leave the bandages to you, Dazai-san."

they also know they don't want to look like him at all.

Dazai laughs at that. it sounds jovial, light, like a regular boy giggling at a joke his friend made. there's nothing regular about Dazai. he pushes himself off the wall to properly face [Name]. "do you dislike me already?" he lets a short pause sit. [Name] stares, silent. "just 'cause i beat you up a little?" a chuckle makes his sentence shake. he seems to know a lot; he seems to have a lot of enemies.

[Name] doesn't dislike or even hate Dazai—they don't have any reasons to as of yet. there are worse people than him out there; [Name] knows this first-hand. needles and straps and murder, all in the name of science. Dazai's spartan training doesn't come close, as similar as it might feel in the depths of their blurry consciousness. the bandages, the blood, the empty look in his eye, the smiles that fluctuate—it's all unnerving and [Name] wants to hate it. maybe it's not that there are worse people than Dazai out there, but that Dazai Osamu is a monster of his own kind. alone and alienated, blending naturally with shadows of unimaginable darkness.

no, they don't dislike him, but they can't like him either. there's an innocent boy crouching in front of them. he's small and he's lonely and he might even be terrified. [Name] feels pity bubbling in their stomach. he's hugging himself and blocking all noise from his ears. he's barely visible. it's unnerving how much [Name] wants to sit beside him until he's okay. but this boy is Dazai, and he's looking at them, waiting for an answer with a taunting gaze.

it's that empty look in his eye right now that [Name] doesn't like. it's that curling smile he wears to pretend he doesn't want to bawl like a child. [Name] lets the pain simmer; [Name] wants to bawl like a child.

at the prolonged lack of response from his mentee, Dazai sighs. the words swim in his head before he settles for, "you also want to die, don't you?" he takes his place back on the wall, leaning against it and side-eyeing [Name].

their reaction is small but very noticeable. although their expression doesn't change, he recognizes something in their eyes when they blink. if he were anyone else, he'd think the eye contact they're forcing on him is unbearable. "how can you tell?"

"isn't it obvious?" he starts, and [Name] considers he can see the obvious in everything. no one has ever claimed their suicidal desires to be obvious. "most of your scars are clearly self-inflicted." his eye scans over the unfading scars littering their skin; small and big, deep and shallow, up and down, from their wrists to their shoulders. then he zeroes in on their neck, tapping his own for emphasis. "not to mention that burn scar over there. a rope…? no, i doubt you had access to ropes."

"leather. from the straps on those medical beds." straps they'll never forget. or not. it doesn't make them any stronger or give them any more courage. it makes them want to die more.

Dazai laughs at the confession. he strokes his chin as if he were contemplating an interesting idea. "sounds like something i'd try. maybe i'll give it a shot sometime."

it's unnerving, unusual, unexpected. [Name] has heard so many counterarguments to their will to die before. adults, children, teachers, parents, criminals. people that have tried to stop them with actions and with words alike; some for their own gain, some with tears in their eyes. their life is small; a fleeting moment of consciousness in something larger than them. they don't know what to say. they don't know what game Dazai is playing.

there's a person—there's a small boy—right in front of them who isn't trying to talk them out of suicide, even when knowing the lengths Mori went to just to get his hands on them. there's a person right in front of them—crouching so far away—who wants to die just like them. but Dazai isn't just like them; he can't be just like them.

while he's still pondering whether he can ask Mori for a strap from a medical bed or not, [Name] chooses to speak up. "can i ask you why you want to die?" and they can't be just like Dazai.

it's a question Dazai has been asked too many times. he turned it around for Mori, he used it to make fun of Chuuya, he's come up with a different yet similar answer every time. he's getting bored of this question. now he takes his turn to be quiet. he stares at [Name], face passive and lips flat. it seems he only cares when he sees a face that doesn't fit either. he doesn't think about his life—he thinks he shouldn't have been born at all.

at his silence, they expand their curiosity, "are you stupid?" Dazai's brows shoot up into his forehead. he almost laughs out loud, but contains it as they continue, "tired? bothered? bored, even."

"what if i say all of the above?"

"bored and bothered? that's…" they strain to find the proper words for what they're thinking. it's not a real answer, they can tell, because Dazai is neither bothered nor stupid. they click their tongue in something akin to sympathy. "that must suck. i'd want to kill myself, too."

this time, Dazai lets his cackles spill freely. airy and youthful, they bounce off the walls and back at the two of them. underneath the smooth, soothing nature of his voice, a wail reverberates. "there's really no point in the act of living, you know? dying is a part of it, no one has ever survived it." his gaze is cold and hollow when he locks eyes with his mentee. all signs of joy vanish from his voice instantly. "why wouldn't i want to die if it's already something i'll have to do anyway?"

there's some truth to his words, even if it's not a completely honest answer to [Name]'s prying. they can agree—rather, they can't disagree with someone speaking so cynically. it makes sense. once he's dead, none of what he has made will carry onto the other side. it also sounds practiced, like he's recited it in front of a mirror before, like he's trying to justify a lie because his chest is just that fragile.

"in the end," Dazai speaks up again. [Name] startles only slightly at the sound, not flinching but stiffening. "do i really need a reason?" he offers them a smile. it's the smile of a child, innocent and ignorant. it's a young boy who got praised for answering right in class. it's heavy.

"no, i guess not." [Name] lets their shoulders relax, shrugging as if they were discussing what to have for dinner. they're fine with anything, be it weakness in the face of belief or soba noodles. "but i'd use something more convincing. that sounded like an argument you had to script for homework."

"you're not the first to ask. it becomes rehearsed at some point." [Name] wonders if they'll manage to reach that point in their own life.

"so are you bored or bothered?"

"neither."

there's a boy standing right in front of them, just a little bit older than them. there's a small kid hiding so far away from them, too young to have his hands shaking so fervently.

"scared, then."

Dazai blinks in surprise. he forgets [Name] has no reasons to respect him on their second day on the job. "i've been called a fool, but never a coward." it's an interesting perspective he hasn't been offered. Chuuya calls him a moron(ic bastard), Mori calls him a mirror, Kouyou calls him childish, and the list is endless. this is a first at the bottom of it all.

"are you scared?"

"what is there to be scared of enough to want to die?"

he sees how [Name] stops to give it some thought. their eyes flicker down and to the side briefly, then return to him, blank. "everything, i guess. people, time, space."

"no, i'm not scared. when people die, they call it going to a better place. i'm sure it feels good."

indulgence.

"i just crave death the same way a child craves candy."

"that's a better argument. i can agree with that."

"oh, that's new." the lilt of excitement in his voice is involuntary. he allows himself to perk up on basic human desire. "people don't usually agree with me." there's a manufactured sparkle glimmering in his eye that makes [Name] look down at their hands. not everyone shares the same normal, average thoughts that Dazai has. it's not like [Name] will ever understand him.

and it's not like Dazai will ever understand them. "takes one to know one," [Name] mumbles. bitterness settles on their tongue. the sinking feeling in their stomach tells them they shouldn't have said that. when they turn their attention up again, they're frightened to find such a heavy smile pretending to be weightless.

"why do you want to die, then?"

"…i'm tired." they let him interpret their answer however he sees fit. anyone who's read their files will know there are plenty of things to be tired of, despite none of them being any reason to kill themself. they lie. they're afraid of what Dazai can do with their honesty if they were to present it to him so foolishly.

there's a small kid, chained up and blinded by cynicism, far too out of sight for [Name] to see them. a lonely child, alienated, greeting darkness with a warm embrace. could these two kids ever be friends? the child that is smiling and the boy that is bawling. could these two kids ever pray for their lives again?

Dazai hums, uninterested in [Name]'s answer. he lets silence flood into the training room for a few more seconds. then he pulls out his gun from underneath his coat. [Name] barely has any time to process the barrel pointed at them when Dazai shoots. the bullet pierces straight through their shoulder and they fall to their knees on instinct, clutching the wound and gritting their teeth. they're not allowed to scream as much as they want. they glower at their mentor with a seething glare.

maybe in some other story.

"get up. we have work to do."

Dazai Osamu is not a good mentor—or at least that's what [Name] wants to believe. it's been a bit over a week since they started their gruesome training and Dazai is dragging them to the top floor for a change. he was clutching their wrist unnecessarily tight during the whole trek upstairs, but now that they're both standing in the elevator, he's chosen to let go. his bandages are rougher than they look. he seems to carelessly cut them off his fingers with scissors. the loose strings fit his character an abnormal amount.

when the elevator doors open, Dazai glances at [Name] on one of the mirror walls. he raises a brow at them. "so?" they stare back at him with a confused frown. he hasn't spoken a word all morning. "go on, Mori-san's waiting for you."

"Mo—"

"you should listen to your mentor when he talks," he sighs, exaggerating the exasperation in his tone.

"you didn't say anything."

"i didn't?" in mock surprise, he covers his mouth with his hand. his eye is wide and innocent as he turns to face [Name] properly. "must have slipped my mind." there's a smile behind his hand warning [Name] to never speak up again. it reflects and multiplies on the mirrors surrounding them. it's caging them in, threatening to rip them apart next time.

[Name] hurries to step around Dazai and out of the elevator. shoulders stiff, they keep their alert attention on him. the hollow grin on his lips is more hostile than usual.

"come on. you shouldn't keep the boss waiting."

his voice, as always, rings smooth and soft, playful even. it sounds like venom sizzling on [Name]'s skin. a shiver courses through their body. they watch as the elevator doors close, staring right into Dazai's uncovered eye and past that lonely darkness wrapping around his every breath. it's horrifying.

with ice in their veins, [Name] knocks on Mori's door. he looks up from the papers on his desk, calling out to let them into the office. he's amused to see the disturbed look in their eyes. it's a wild contrast to the seething anger from a week ago. this scheme of his seems to be working out for them.

Dazai Osamu is a good mentor and Mori knows that. he's extremely capable, making use of that impressive malicious intelligence he was blessed with. he wonders if blessed is a word that can be used to describe someone like Dazai (he wonders what Dazai would have to say about such an adjective). the apprehension in [Name]'s gaze argues that cursed is a better fit for a monster like him. it's hilarious to know he's willingly vouching for this terrified kid behind their back.

Mori folds his hands on the files he's reading, smiling at [Name] to help them stop glancing over their shoulder in paranoia. "how is your training coming along, [Name]-kun?" he speaks up with a paternal lilt, as if he were asking about the math test from last thursday. he knows exactly how their training has been coming along thanks to Dazai and his thorough reports after each session. he also knows the blood on Dazai's bandages is never his.

the anxiety in [Name]'s eyes crumbles into a miffed anger. they can still feel their shoulder throbbing from the one bullet Dazai managed to sink into them from a few days ago. "it's awful."

"is it, now?" Mori chuckles. "i know Dazai-kun is difficult to work with, but you've been making progress with him, haven't you?"

their glare narrows. "…i guess." it burns on their tongue. Dazai Osamu is not a good mentor, but he's the best one anyone could ask for.

"no pain, no gain, [Name]-kun." he notices the disgruntled scowl pulling their brows down, but decides not to torment them any longer. leaving pleasantries aside, he lets his lighthearted smirk dissolve into a serious, more appropriate expression. "i promised you resources if you joined the mafia, remember?" there's a flash of something alive in their eyes for a brief moment. Mori waits.

"you promised me time."

he gathers the papers on his desk; seven different files, proof of [Name]'s capabilities. although they're hesitant in their steps, Mori encourages them to take the documents. "you have all the time in the world, [Name]-kun, but i'm sure you don't want to waste it."

"these are…" [Name] flips through words and pictures. they're all people they don't recognize.

"it's a small unit i put together for you. they're under your command for whatever you might need them." Mori relishes in the astonished look stretching their features almost comically. "be it your search or any work here, you can use them however you see fit."

a skeptical frown replaces their momentary shock. "work?"

"there's some people that haven't been paying their debts and Mirror Mirage is perfect for it, according to Dazai-kun."

their heart drops to their feet instantly. they realize they can't read Dazai at all.

"you understand your ability is the price you pay for time, right?"

that's not it. that's not what is making their hands tremble with unknown emotions right now. they realize they're up against something much bigger than themself.

before their knees buckle and give out in front of the Port Mafia's head, [Name] bows with as much respect as they can muster. "of course, boss." when they straighten back up, Mori doesn't hide the sick grin curling his lips. he wants to see this scheme of his work out for Dazai, too.

"welcome to the Port Mafia, [Name]-kun."

note — i have honestly so many thoughts i dont know where to start. something the anime failed to do properly was odasakus pov during the dark era arc. i first watched that and then i read the light novel and it destroyed me. the way odasaku sees dazai like a lonely kid thats been horribly hurt and wants to cry but doesnt brother i am devastated. then i read the day i picked up dazai, where it becomes even more evident just how deeply disturbed dazai is by matters unknown and out of his hands. hes just a kid that wants to let it all out bro hes just a lil buddy. its a fantastic interpretation of dazai tbh and i love everything about it. the way im going about it tho is very clearly different cause of the mc that i made to go up against him. ill really be switching back and forth between gently holding him and curbstomping him the whole fic (well get into the curbstomping when i start making him even more abusive, not because i hate him but because its a part of his character, particularly before odasaku/odasakus death. like cmom akutagawa is right there) theres a lot more to unpack that i couldnt possiby express correctly without a plan. dazai is just so volatile but also so stunted and im doing my best here yo bye drink water mwah good night bby

[prelovednikaidou]

corrupt; draken, ken ryuguji [01]

Summary:

In which you met the man of your past, but he didn't come back to remind you of the bitter break-up. Draken had one thing in mind and it was to never let you leave his side ever again. Distance made the heart grow fonder but he'd rather let you spend the rest of your life hating him if it meant you'd never leave his sight.

"I don't wish you well when you ain't with me, I want you crying."

Warning:

mention of suicide, oral receiving (reader),

a/n: taglist are open up to 10 users! comment '☁️'

Word count: 2.1k

series masterlist

[01: jealousy]

Draken wanted to take you away.

The curves of your spine, flowing down to the slope of your well-rounded bottom flesh, he watched the symmetrical dimple right above your butt - mocking him that those precious intimate spots were no longer his possession to own.

It wasn't only him who shared the same thought; everyone in this crowded room had their eyes glued on you. As if you were holding those guests captive, you felt immense pressure on your feet and thighs, quivered before you wrapped your leg around the shining pole.

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

Those blinding lights showered your sweating figure in all fairness, the sound of Abel's voice had long dimmed down, it meant that your show was done. It was silent in a minute,

lifting your face - your lips curled into a hunting smile and the room soared with cheers, crumpled money tossed across the stage, but your sense of content was suppressed by the overwhelming tension.

A pair of black pupils were starring at you - pinning you to where you stood. He was among the crowd, all in his glory without care but you. You felt something burst inside your chest, unable to tear your focus from him.

This longing for him is toxic.

Flashes of memories where those sober eyes bore into yours when he pumped his fat cock into your tight cunt until his thick cum over spilled, the same eyes that once shone with so much love but turned cold.

"Dollface!"

A shout from backstage startled you from your daze, another coworker came up and escorted you down, assisting you to take off the painful high heels.

"What's with you?" She threw a curious stare your way.

You still couldn't wrap your mind. He was there. Flesh and soul, presented in front of you. It was a brief eye contact but it was enough. Enough to tell you that he was coming back for you.

It had been years since the two of you chose to split up, making your paths without each other's companion.

"I, I've got to go. I forgot that I locked the windows, my cat's probably waiting for me. He's been out for 3 days so he's starving I think. Y'all can continue without me,"

You stood but your knees turned weak at the sudden arrival of him, standing by the door. A few steps taken back, you lost all rationality to stay calm because your heart thumped loudly.

Standing tall on his 6' ft, athletic and young Draken was nowhere to be seen but replaced - with a mature adult man that induced everything he carried into lust.

The robust body looked incredibly fit, lean, and you could see the strong outlines of his defined chest and abdominal muscles from the black shirt. If it was years ago, those leather jackets wouldn't suit him - he'd look like those up-start wannabe gangsters.

But it was different now. It clung to his broad shoulders perfectly, he wasn't as cheap as those local pranksters. The dark jeans also did little job in hiding his long legs. He was indeed a member of a gang; eerie and cruel - but he had never look this good that you want to fuck.

Draken's presence was enough to brush away every man in the room that you belonged to him. Your little admirers couldn't even look at him in the eyes, let alone make up a fight.

They left with a strong sense of defeat; no wonder you never once accept any confessions, turned out you have such a man waiting.

"Why is he here? This area is off-limits. Only staff is allowed. Naoki, guide him out." You forced yourself to mutter those words, uncaring to look at him with your back facing him.

Naoki sighed, this man literally slipped $750 under the table just to meet you. Those incompetent flies who claimed to love you didn't even spare this much effort. She only signaled him to step in before she whispered to you,

"Remember the guy I told you? The one that booked a whole session for your private room? He's that guy. It's just that he arrived a little early than the arranged meeting but it'll be great if you can build a connection with him."

You glared back, "Then send him back. We still have a week before that, right? I'm tired. I can't keep up with this," You pushed off her hand from your shoulder, began to take off your wig. His eyes were still the same; always undressing you naked.

Naoki could only grit her teeth, the money already landed in her pocket. What if he asked it back? She can't let such a great deal slip so she greeted him,

"She's a bit tired from the recent show. How about we push this to tomorrow? She's got free time on her hand to rest too." At least, this would do, right?

"If I have so much time on my hands, I wouldn't have come a week early. So you guess it yourself." His voice has changed too. It was an octave lower, you immediately rubbed your thighs together before you waved a hand.

"Haaa... leave us, Naoki. But I need you to go to my house. I wasn't joking about what I said earlier."

Naoki hurriedly nodded, clutching to her pocket before her eyes warily darted from Draken to you. Is this a couple feud? She noted in her head that she'd help this guy soon in the future - who doesn't want easy money?

"Okay, I will. Sir...? Err.. hope you have a pleasant chat with Dollface. I will excuse myself then ." The hindrance in Draken's eyes finally left the room, the door closed in a thump and the subtle tension thickened.

He didn't say anything, only leaned his body by the door as he watched you wiped off your makeup. This was his morning view back when you were still wet behind ears about pole dancing. You'd come back at the crack of drawn and he'd already been out to his workshop.

"Dollface."

Stubborn like a little cat, your doe eyes didn't look up from your make-up bag and he could see through your act to be so busy. He loved how feisty you've become after years. It eased his heart that you could chase off those little shit.

"It suits you, [Y/N]. Face so pretty like a doll. Make one's heart itch to keep around. But I wonder why the name sounds so familiar."

"State your business. I'm heading home straight after this so don't expect a lap dance or something."

"Then that's the plan. I'll drive you home, eh?"

That damn 'eh'. He picked up your habit too well that the time he spent with you shaped him into copying your habit. It sounded cute but your heart still couldn't forgive him. Let him suffer a little.

"Don't need to. My boyfriend is great at doing his job. So do me a favor and let me rest quickly, how about that?"

Now, you were looking at him through the mirror. It was just too hard for you to muster yourself to face him directly. Draken didn't seem shaken. He stood straightly, you clenched your thighs tighter.

"Have I ever been quick in everything when I'm with you, [Y/N]?" His towering figure gawked over your smaller frame - casting his shadow over you as his sharp facial features caught your attention.

"Can't remember. Maybe? Because I said it just now almost like a reflex." You replied, not backing down but instead, squaring up to him that your ample breasts brushed against his torso.

His cologne didn't smell like the tacky, cheap body spray he used to own. This one smelled so expensive, alienated your memory of his familiar scent.

"Now you're getting older, your memory is getting rusty, dollface. Should I put on a play and see if you can call anything in mind?" You felt your breath became heavier but he didn't let you lose your focus yet.

Your chin was tugged upwards, the shadow of his cap cast upon his face and you remembered now; it was his eyes. Because he wasn't vocal about his feelings, you could understand everything from his eyes.

"You've grown softer, Draken. I almost threw up listening to you talk like this. What, are you changing jobs now? Don't tell me you went from a gangster to a con artist."

No, you were lying to yourself. Draken didn't change but improved. Change can be something bad but he never did anything that would bring him down. He just got better.

And it was true when the velvety touch on your beating pulse suddenly moved to your lips before he squished your cheeks in his hand.

"Fucking hot as hell but so damn annoying." He laughed, the light from his eyes never return, only replaced by a wicked glint.

He wanted to take you to his place, fuck you in his bed until you couldn't walk properly so he'd have more reasons to keep you at his place. He wanted to swallow you whole and he barely even started but why was it so damn hard to have you?

"Don't dare to think of anything nasty. You might not care about commitment in a relationship, but I do. So take your hands off me, Draken."

"Kenie. It's Kenie for you."

Your lips were so plump and wet, his other arm wrapped around your waist - hoisting you up to his body before he leaned by the dresser.

You shrieked when his scalding hot palm touched your naked back and as he untied the strings of your bra, he smiled at your face as he said,

"Do you think I'm going to believe that, dollface? Do you really think I don't know that this pussy hasn't been fucked well for months? I have eyes across this ward. You don't get to fool me."

Heat rose to your face, your small hands pushed on his shoulders, "You're still up in my business? Sounds like someone can't fucking move on."

He nodded, ripping off your lacey bralette and his big hands began to palm your heavy breast - carelessly rubbing your nipple with his thumb. You fought the urge to moan, you hold onto his shoulder for dear strength.

"You're right. I can't move on." Your breath hitched, he nuzzled his face to the column of your neck, inhaling so deep, and wrapped his arms tightly around your body. He missed you so much. So much that if you ran away again, he'd just kill himself.

"I fucked my fist thinking of you. I got this hard just by thinking of you. I'm not ashamed of it."

"That's your problem, Draken. I'm not you. I'm living my best life right now, and sorry that I can still cum just with my fingers."

"That's my girl," He pushed you until your back met the concrete wall, your eyes widened when he took off his cap and put it on you before he dropped to his knees.

"I am aware of your appetite, [Y/N]. You won't be happy with such a small meal. You always keep coming back to have your tight pussy stuffed. Even when we were living together, you couldn't stop begging my dick every night."

"What the hell are you talking about-" You pushed his forehead away from your private part, one hand covering your pussy but he gripped the side of your hips - bringing you straight to his mouth.

"I don't care if you use me as your favorite Cherry Twins. But don't deny that I made you cummed the hardest when I was in your life, dollface."

Your eyes became misty, his words just flew through your head - empty when his mouth latched on your clothed crotch, lapping on the small fabric that the nudge of his tongue probed on your budding clit.

Cherry Twins were the name he gave to your vibrators. Since he was always out when you were at home, he'd make you use them to your greedy cunt - even made a video call so he could jerk off in the public restroom.

You were wild, but he taught you to live even wilder.

Next page: chapter [02] →

a/n : next chapter is full smut bcs thats the only thing my brain's capable of. Taglist are open up to 10 users! Comment '☁️’.

Taglist: @hanmascult @q-the-rockaholic @hikkarins

[thee-morrigan]

04, 17, 35 for the writer's questions babey~

[weird questions for writers]

okay, listen: when i saw what #4 was, i made a Truly Unhinged noise that was meant to indicate excitement but made my cat think i was dying based on how alarmed he looked.

so, you know, thank you for sending these just in general but especially also for the first one (bc, truly, language makes me completely feral)!!

i'm putting all of these under a cut because as usual I went off the rails and gave way too much info for all of these (especially #17 bc y'all know how I feel about minutiae)

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

oh god there are so many ahaha. one time i lost my goddamn mind about the word ebullient when i was grading a student's paper. like, they used the word correctly out of nowhere (not to stereotype but this was an undergrad business student, so it was pretty surprising tbh) and i got WAY too excited lmao. i literally highlighted it and wrote something like, "!!! great word choice!!" in the margins.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

i'm working on approximately 86k things at any given moment, so "current" is used p loosely here BUT this is too wild not to share.

so in my (swear to god still in progress!!) vienna au with nate/adam, the plot (such as it is) centers on the murder-suicide of the crown prince of the hapsburg empire and his lover, mary vetsera. so obviously there was a ton of misinformation (some intentional) about the details of their deaths and even after it came out that rudolf had committed suicide (which was something the hapsburgs tried to conceal at first), the family was pretty determined to cover up mary vetsera's death and obviously her connections to their son. she was a baroness, so they couldn't pretend she never existed, but I think they just tried to spin it as like, she left court and vanished or something.

ANYWAY all of this is p normal so far, but here's where the story gets truly batshit: someone stole her bones.

actually, her grave has been disturbed at least twice since her death in January 1889 (when, by the way, those sent to retrieve her and rudy's bodies spirited her away in the night and buried her in secret). once was in WWII, when graverobbers thought she might have valuables buried with her (???) and the second time was in 1991, when a man: 1) dug her up and kept her bones/coffin for over a year and 2) presented her skull to a writer and tried to claim that two randos had purchased her remains for 30k shillings and then gifted him with the bones (what even kind of gift???).

so yeah. poor mary vetsera just can't rest in peace apparently (although she was reburied in 1993 and I think is finally being left the hell alone after being dead for over 100 years).

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

not to brag or anything, but lots of writers will tell you the only important rule is to just write and, uh, I sometimes can go months without writing more than a few words in a project. 💁🏼‍♀️

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Trigger warning like a motherfucker!!!

Suicide, character death, graphic violence, abuse, domestic violence.

18+ NSFW

Broken hearts/body parts

The front door burst open in the entry way, followed by sure swift steps, churning Peter and Haileys stomach in a frenzy. There was no telling the mood the young Upir would be in that she called her soulmate, eventhough his temper terrified her.

"Roman." Hailey whispered in horror and urgency. Immediately, Peter jumped on another couch on her left and acted as if he had been there all along. Soon, Roman came marching in, a furious look housed in his eyes. He glared at Peter as he walked towards Hailey.

"I need to talk to you, in private." Roman seethed, staring her down. She looked afraid, but nodded her head.

"Okay." She said, getting up.

“Hey Rome, everything okay?" Peter asked. Roman growled and roughly grabbed Haileys arm, hauling her up

“Roman, what are you doing?" Peter asked, getting up.

"It's personal so stay out of this." Roman hissed. "I'll deal with you soon." He dragged an unresisting Hailey with him to the bedroom, all the while, making sure Peter was not following. Once they were secured in the room, he threw her forward and slammed the door behind him.

"Roman, what's wrong?" She asked fearfully. He sharply turned towards her, eyes ablaze with anger.

"Why don't you tell me." He replied through clenched teeth.

"I… I don't know what you mean." She said, taking a step away from him.

"You don't know?" He mocked. "Let me help you then. I am talking about the little piece of information you supplied to Peter today, at the top of the stairs, when you were encased in his arms." His voice rose with every word until he was yelling at her.

She was speechless, the only reply being the look of absolute horror and disbelief on her face. Frustration and anger took him over. He advanced towards her. She scampered away in fear but he was upon her before she could put any distance between them. He roughly grabbed her arm and jerked her forward.

"Why don't you tell me what you told him Hmmm?" She whimpered at the tightness of his grip which, she knew, would leave marks. "TELL ME!” He yelled in her face and back handed her. A scream of pain and shock rippled through her throat.

"Say it." He raised his hand to hit her again.

"I'll tell." She quickly screamed through tears. "I'll tell. Please don't hurt me. I'll tell." He lowered his hand, only leaving his eyes to intimidate her. She sniffled.

"I'm… I'm pregna- aah." She was slapped before she could finish. Her body jerked from the impact, falling on the floor.

"You're pregnant? And you never told me?" He screamed in her face, a hand fisted in her hair, pulling the silky strands.

"You fucking whore." He slapped her, earning another scream from her. "I can't believe you did this to me!”

“Roman… please… listen to- aaah."

"Shut up." He cut her off, slamming her head into the ground. "I don't want to listen to anything. I've heard enough. I heard everything you said to Peter." He grabbed her chin roughly, crushing the soft flesh within his fingers, and brought her face up to his level.

“Ro...Ro." She struggle to speak through the blood filling the inside of her mouth, seeping from her cut cheek and tongue.

"You didn't tell me because you didn't know how I would react, huh?" He mocked her. She whimpered in pain. "Tell me, is this reaction to your liking?" He asked before slapping her. She wanted to shield her face, but he held her wrists in his vice like grip.

"You lied to me. After everything I did for you, after everything I gave you, you still lied to me." He said, twisting her arm behind her back. She screamed again, but he back-handed her again.

"I gave you freedom. I gave you my trust, and you went behind my back and whored yourself to my best friend." Her eyes widened at his words. "Was I not man enough for you? Huh, tell me."

"Roman … you… I didn't-."

"More lies." He yelled, slapping her. "Lies, lies, lies." He slapped her repeatedly, ignoring her ear-splitting screams.

"You have betrayed me. After everything I did for you, you betrayed me, for that dirty fucking dog." His eyes turned menacing, and lowered to her stomach.

“You now carry a puppy... bastard child, filthy, just like you."

"N… No." With much effort, she wrapped her hands over her stomach. "Please… don't." Her act of protecting her child only fuelled his anger.

"please… don't…" She begged, noticing the sadistic glint in his eyes. "Please… I beg you… please…"

"Let's see if your lover can come save his bitch and his dirty mutt." Before she could beg for mercy, or explain to him, he punched her stomach. Air left her lungs and she gasped desperately.

"Did you like that?" He asked with a sickening smile. "Did you like the pain, because you brought this on yourself. You deserve this for it." She just cried, her insides wrenching with pain.

"You’re never having another man’s baby! NEVER." He punched her again. She curled into a ball to protect her stomach, but her efforts were not enough to keep his blows away.

"Please… stop." She gasped.

"You want to protect this child? I'll KILL IT! And I'll kill you too." He screamed in rage, losing all sense. Like a rabid animal, he attacked her, punching her stomach with wild abandon. When she tried to shield her stomach with her arms, he slammed her head against the wall, relishing in the sound it made. Her screams of pain and cries of helps fell on deaf ears. It was as if Roman had gone completely mad. He didn't care about anything at this moment. Before his eyes was the image of Hailey in Peters arms, driving his hands to hit her. He wanted to eliminate the child she carried. It would be her punishment. He wouldn't let a bastard child come between them… never. She was his.?

The only thing on her mind was the safety and well-being of her unborn child.. How could she claim to protect another life when she couldn't protect her own? How?

She couldn’t.

Her body became numb and fell to the side. But it didn't stop the blows coming from him. He kept hitting and hitting and hitting, not caring that her eyes were now closed, and not even small screams were coming from her. Finally, tiring of his actions, Roman delivered one final blow and got up, not sparing her broken form another glance.

It was time to deal with the other culprit of the crime.

Peter sat fidgeting on the couch, foot tapping on the ground impatiently. Roman and Hailey had been in there for a while now. What talk were they having? For some reason, Peters heart had been beating wildly ever since Roman had spoken to him. It felt like something was very wrong, very, very wrong.

He jumped when he heard footsteps, and wondered why he was feeling like something horrible was happening, or was about to happen. Roman came in view and Peters uneasiness increased. He looked unkempt and sweaty.

“Roman… is everything okay?" He asked, somehow dreading the answer.

"How dare you?" Roman snarled, advancing towards Peter, who quickly stepped away. "How dare you touch her!”

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you think I wouldn't find out? Did you think I was stupid that I wouldn't notice the abrupt change in your attitudes?"

"Roman… we wanted to tell you. But we weren't sure how you would react." Peter thought Roman had found out that Hailey got accepted into law school, and was upset at being left out.

"You weren't sure?" Roman bellowed in rage. "How did you think I would react finding out that my girlfriend was pregnant with my best friends child?" Peters mouth fell open in shock.

"I was suspicious about your sudden friendliness. But I never ever imagined what the reason would be."

"Roman... you don't understand. That child-." Peter began to explain, but Roman didn't want to listen.

"That child is the dirty seed of your vile intentions, of your vulgar meetings, and of your filthy feelings. That disgusting-."

"Stop right there." Peter said raising his voice for the first time. "Don't say a word about that child Roman. Don't."

"Oh, so you're going to stand up for your dirty fucking mongrel?”

"Its your child Roman." Peter yelled. "Not mine. Yours. I never touched Hailey with such intentions. I never even thought of Hailey that way!. I think of her as my sister."

"You're lying." Roman said.

"No I'm not. Roman..... . That is your child. We should be celebrating you fool! Hailey is pregnant with your child."

"It can't be. It just can't." He whispered in disbelief. "Why did she hide it? Why did she not tell me first? Why only you?" He demanded.

"She was afraid of how you would react." Peter said. Suddenly, color drained from his face and he looked up at Roman”What did you do to her?"

Romans face paled.

"I… I…" Without another word, he turned and sprinted towards his bedroom, Peter at his heels.

"Roman... what did you do?" He demanded, but Roman ignored him and tried to open the bedroom door. However, it was locked.

"Roman, don't tell me you hurt her?" Peter asked dreading the answer. Roman’s body stiffened and Peter knew he had gotten the answer to his question.

"Roman, how could you? She cared only for you. She got into law school, but refused to leave you because she didn't want you to be upset." Peter yelled. Roman ignored him, and continued to struggle with the door.

"Hailey, open up." Roman yelled to the closed door. There was no response from the other side. "Hailey, baby open this door this instant." Roman demanded, but still nothing. Noticing they were getting nowhere, Peter ran downstairs and dialled Dr Pryce. In a few hurried words, he had explained the situation and requested help. Pryce assured him of his assistance. With that done, Peter called Destiny and her brother Jack. He knew it would anger Roman to no end, but Peter didn't care anymore. Roman had crossed the line. He had shown that he couldn't take care of her, let alone the child. And to ensure the safety of both, they would have to be taken away from Roman, by force if necessary. He was a monster.

When done with his phone calls, Peter raced upstairs again, where Roman was now slamming into the door in an attempt to open it. Peter rushed forward and stopped him.

“Roman, you know these doors won't open like that!”

“I have to get to her. I just have to." Roman said desperately and struggled to free himself of Peters grip. He was in full panic mode.

"We will. “ Peter assured him. "I called for help." Roman’s eyes widened and he turned towards him with a snarl.

"Who did you call?"

“Dr. Pryce......Jack And Destiny." He added after a pause.

"What?" Roman yelled. "How dare you call those assholes. I won't let them near her."

"They have every right to be here Roman.” Peter yelled back. "Right now, She needs them."

"No she doesn't." Roman said. "I'm here. I'm all she needs."

"You hurt her." Peter screamed in anger. "You caused her pain, her and her baby, based on suspicion." Roman looked away guiltily. "I can't believe you did that. How could you not trust her? How could you not trust me?" Peter demanded.

“I… " Roman had no answer.

"I am very disappointed in you." Peter said in a sad tone. "I used to look at you like my brother. I admired you. But I see that you are nothing more than a monster who hurts all those who try to get near him."

"Shut up. You don't know anything. You don't…" Roman stopped his tirade after hearing hurried footsteps and voices. In no time, Pryce and some orderlies came in to view, followed by haileys brother Jack. He immediately lunged for Roman, knocking them both to the floor.

"You bastard. What did you do to her? I'm going to kill you." Both men rolled on the floor, trying to hit and dodge each other.

"Hey, stop right now, or I'll arrest you both." A gruff voice of a policeman halted their fight. Roman stood up and noticed that Dr. Pryce had brought company.

‘If I see another scratch on her body, I'll report it to the authorities.’ Dr. Pryce threat rang in his ears.

"What is going on? Where is Hailey?" Destiny asked with fearful eyes.

"She has locked herself in the room." Peter said in a panicked tone. "We tried to open the door, but it won't budge."

"Step aside. We'll handle this." A man, dressed as an orderly uniform stepped forward. He motioned to another man who quickly took out an electric saw. Very carefully and swiftly, they cut a hole above the knob and thrust their hand in to open the door. Everyone rushed inside, calling her name. but she was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is she? I thought you said she was here?" Jack said sharply, glaring at Peter who looked confused. He glanced at Roman, whose face was as pale.

"The bathroom door is locked." Destiny said, trying to pry it open. Immediately, Roman was before it, banging his fist on it.

"Baby.... babe open up. Please, listen to me."

"Mr. Godfrey, you'll have to step away from the door. We'll open it." The man with the saw said. Roman ignored him.

"Hail, look, I'm sorry. I made a mistake. Please open the door. I… I won't hurt you." The men exchanged a look with Peter and they grabbed Romans arms.

“Let me go. She won't listen to you. She only listens to me. Let me go to her." Roman struggled, kicking his legs to break free.

"If you don't hold still and cooperate, we'll have to knock you out." The other orderly threatened.

"Go to hell." Roman snarled at him, eyes flashing with undisguised rage.

“Guys, look." Destiny said in horror, pointing to the bottom of the door, where a red stain was steadily increasing in size, staining the carpet.

"Blood." Dr. Pryce whispered. The orderly with the saw, immediately got to work, cutting the door again and opening it. As soon as the door opened, everyone leaned forward to see her and gasped in horror.

There, bathed in her own blood was a deathly pale and unconscious girl. Her hair were dripping with blood, the side of her neck and one shoulder colored red, most likey from a wound in the skull. Her face was swollen purple with bruises. Her cheeks were glowing red with visible slap marks. Her lip was cut, the blood dripping from her chin. But perhaps the worst were the two deep cuts on her wrists, the cause of the pool of blood around her.

“Hailey! Oh my God!” Roman screamed as he broke free from those restraining him and raced to pick her up, holding her like a baby.

"Baby wake up. Please wake up." He begged her in a broken voice.

"She has lost too much blood." Pryce whispered in horror, not moving an inch from his spot. "She… she won't survive." Roman ignored his comments and continued to plead with her.

“Hail I beg you, wake up. Look at me. Please." He buried his face in her bloody neck.

“Roman?” She rasped. Roman immediately looked at her.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I… I never wanted to hurt you." He said frantically. "I… I made a mistake. I thought… I thought it was Peters I'm so sorry."

"Ro.... Rom...” She tried to speak but caught a rapid fit of coughs, spitting blood on his face and the floor.

"Please forgive me. Just this last time, please forgive. I swear I won't do this again. I swear I'll never hurt you again. Just… just don't leave me."

"It… your… baby." She hoarsely whispered.

"I know." He said, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry I tried to hurt it. Please forgive me. I’m so happy you’re gonna be the best mom, but first you can’t die.”

“No baby anymore." She said, eyes glossing over.

"Please don't leave me." He begged desperately. "I… I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be alone. Please… stay with me."

"I… want… sleep." She said, eyelids drooping.

"No. don't sleep." He screamed. "Please don't leave me. Stay with me." She didn't respond to his pleas. "Hailey remember you asked me if I loved you? I'm saying it now. I love you. I love you very much and I believe you love me too. Now stay. Don't go Hailey! Please don't go." Tears fell from his eyes as he pleaded. Her eyes opened ever so slightly and a sad smile ghosted over her lips.

“I… I love you too. I always did, but I can’t stay. I have to go..... my baby... our baby.” Her head rolled to the side, eyes fading as the shine they always carried went out

"Hailey don't go." Roman begged in a broken voice. "You… you're the only one I have. If you… if you leave me… I'll be all alone… like before. Please don't leave me! Please don't go. I … I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you… please don't go." She didn't reply. He gently shook her body.

“Hailey, talk to me." Her head bobbled side to side, but she didn't respond.

“Roman…. " Dr. Pryce spoke softly from behind him. "She is dead."

"NO." Roman screamed in denial. "She can't leave me." He said. "She said she loved me. She said she'll always be with me. She can't leave me. She can't." He began shaking her body to wake her up, gently.

"Baby, wake up. Wake up please. I'm begging you, wake up." No signs of life appeared.

"WAKE UP!” He screamed in rage, shaking her body wildly. "I said wake up. Wake up or I'll hurt you." He threatened. She wouldn't dare keep pretending if she thought he would hurt her. But she didn't move.

The room began spinning.

His heart began racing.

A numbing feeling filled his body.

He shook terribly as the reality of the situation dawned on him. "Don't… don't leave me."

"She is no more Roman." Peter said in stiff voice, throat constricted from emotion.

"NO." Roman screamed like a wounded animal. His eyes narrowed maniacally, an insane glint appearing in them.

"She can't leave me." He let go of her body and reached for the nearby cabinet under the sink. When his hand came back in view, it was holding a gun.

"ROMAN, NO." Peter screamed in horror and ran forward.

“She needs me.” Roman said before he pressed the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger....

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

One week later

HEADLINE: Teenage billionaire takes his own life, in tragic double suicide.

“Hi! I am Bill Skarsgard, with CR News and we are coming to you live from the Godfrey funeral, that looks more like one of the late billionaires galas, rather than a funeral. All The Who’s who in business and society are here, as well as several rumored exes of the once famous ladies man.

Since the representatives for the Godfrey family have been so tight lipped over details in the double suicide, and Roman Godfrey has the world at his fingertips, most experts are saying they believe this is a cover up. The other deceased person in this story is a young girl named Hailey. Her life has had tragedy after tragedy, first with the loss of her father. A doctor that overdosed on the problematic drug OxyContin, and then the loss of her mother in a fire. Moving to Hemlock Grove with family, she’d only been here a week when one of her cousins killed the entire family, before taking his own life. Luckily she was with Roman that evening, and the two were together till they met their tragic end.

Haileys short life met with so many tragedies, leads people to think this may have more than likely been a murder suicide, but for whatever reason they claim dual suicide. A source close to the family says it was most likely Romans dying wish, to protect Hailey, even when she was most likely the cause of his demise. A real life tragedy. I am Bill Skarsgard and I encourage you to hug your loved ones this evening. Back to you in the studio.”