#You ask for leftover food not money for a luxury hobby

[sweettsubaki]

I am screaming at being reminded that my dad's family is really from a different world.

See I got into embroidery lately and was kinda looking through Youtube skillshare and domestika for the specifics of Lunéville crochet/embroidery to get a feel for it.

My dad asked why I wouldn't get an actual class to learn since we're in Paris. It's a haute couture technique. Official workshops are like 450€ for 6 hours. 1785€ for 30 (10x3) and don't get me wrong it's not out there considering what we're talking about but for a normal person, it is still expensive).

My dad's logic: just ask your grandma for the money for the 30 hours one.

I have joint pains, I don't know if I'll even be able to last more than a couple classes

My dad: heh at least you'll know.

WHO THE FUCK HAS 2000€ to waste on discovering whether I like something or not ? WTF.

[that-fema-corps-blog]

Day 14

August 16, 2022

Woke up at 7:00, made breakfast but barely ate any, then met at the main building at 8:00 for COVID testing. The first day on campus was the only day we had to test ourselves. Since then, some members of the staff have administered the tests; it’s a little awkward having to sit still while someone shoves a cotton swab up your nose, but it’s not too bad.

We met in the other side of the main building at 8:30 and set up the chairs. The member development associate gave a presentation on independent learning projects, specialty roles, and the like. We first did a tic-tac-toe activity where we put our home state, age, favorite hobby, and some goals on a 3×3 grid and tried matching them with those of other corps members. Then we created some goals in the SMART format: specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound. We signed up for Accenture and did a pre-test on career preparation and were instructed to do the first lesson on career planning later this week.

We then learned about all the specialty roles: community relations representative, health and wellness councilor, life after AmeriCorps representative, service-learning initiator, and the vehicle safety tools. The community relations representative documents what the team does and helps with social media. The health and wellness councilor runs physical training and helps with other team bonding activities. The life after AmeriCorps representative helps teammates meet career and personal goals they have for once they leave the program. The service-learning initiator coordinates days of service – especially those on federal holidays. At least two vehicle safety tools are required per team, and they are in charge of van/equipment inspections and safety talks.

We got a few minutes off, and I ate a little more and took a bathroom break. I didn’t want to run all the way back to my dorm, so I opted for one of the the portable toilets. I’m impressed at how clean everything was, though maybe that’s only because it was a Monday morning. They also had several foot-pump sinks with soap and paper towel dispensers right outside. I’d say it was an efficient setup.

At 11:00, we listened to a presentation about food and budget planning. We get $6.10/person/day for food on normal days and $15 for when we do not have kitchen access (mainly for travel). People with certain medical dietary restrictions can get a $1.50 raise to their daily food allowance, and the food budget may also be raised to $15/person/day for any team that did not have time to cook due to having to work 12 hours a day during certain disasters. Everyone’s food allowances are supplied to the team leader on one card, and the money does not roll over from one disbursement to another. We are also not allowed to spend more than $15/person/meal, even if we have the leftover funds to do so; therefore, we have to keep restaurant orders to a maximum of $12/person to be able to afford tax and tip. The team leader then has to send in the itemized receipts so the government knows that the money was spent according to policy.

Travel expenses work in a similar way. The team will receive a chunk of hotel money for the duration of the drive to the new location based on the number of team members. The money doesn’t have to be spent evenly; one night’s lodging might work out to $20/person/night, and the next one might cost $50 (though you’re not allowed to book a luxury hotel just because you have enough leftover money). The policy seems to be that each person must have a bed or a cot, and that men and women must room separately.

We broke off into teams and discussed our food budget, meal plans, and how things would work once we were in hotels. We hadn’t gotten our project locations yet, so the unit leader asked us where we wanted to be deployed. We probably won’t get a choice as to where we’ll go, but it’s worth asking.

We got off at about 12:00 for lunch. The next presentation was Behavioral Health at 13:30. It was very similar to information the Litmos virtual learning I had done before arrival. We each received a worksheet and broke into teams to discuss our stress symptoms, how we will ask for help, what others can do to help us, etc.

Then we had a Life in the AmeriBubble lecture at 15:30. My teammates took turns discussing what we were looking forward to this year, what we were anxious about, and related topics with each other. The team leader and support team leader had a talk with us about alcohol use at around 17:00, and then we were free to go.

I vacuumed my floor and did some laundry, and then it was time for dinner at 20:00. A few of us ate in the dorm game room and filled out and emailed off a couple forms while we watched TV. I added a FEMA Corps email signature from the template our team leader wanted us to use, then swapped the government computer for my personal one. I talked to some of the other corps members and messed with the computer for a while before leaving for bed at around 22:30.

[robininthelabyrinth]

I love your Nie brothers content, all of it, but there is so little written about the friendship between Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian! We know they were friends in Cloud Recesses, but it's never explored how these genius guys, even if one is focused on magical inovations and the other on strategy and politics, got on. Something which shows how well they got each other would be great

1

Wei Wuxian’s fist trembled. How dare he – worthless peacock – my shijie..!

But before he could throw a punch, he saw a swirl of white – Lan Wangji, sweeping forward with a face like a graveyard, and Nie Huaisang cringing in his shadow – and suddenly he realized that he didn’t need to punch Jin Zixuan.

Speaking of others behind their backs is forbidden.

Sneering without reason is forbidden.

Arrogance is forbidden.

Do not be haughty and complacent.

Do not praise yourself and slander others.

Do not make assumptions about others.

Do not insult people.

Do not take your words lightly.

Wei Wuxian grinned with teeth. “Hey, Lan Zhan!” he sang out, and Jin Zixuan blanched. “Perfect timing!”

Later, after he’d laughed himself sick at Jin Zixuan’s punishment – humiliatingly perfect – and making his appreciation very clear to Lan Wangji, he went to go find Nie Huaisang.

“When did you go get Lan Zhan?” he asked, honestly curious. He hadn’t known he was going to get into a fight until he was there and it was happening, but Nie Huaisang, of all people, had apparently figured out what was going to happen before it happened and took steps to fix it.

“The second they started talking about girls,” Nie Huaisang said promptly. “It’s fairly obvious that Jin Zixuan is resentful of his parents managing his life and he’s lashing out at everything, including specifically your shijie, so a nasty comment was inevitable.”

Wei Wuxian blinked, derailed from his original line of questioning. “He – what? Wait, that’s why he’s so rude about my shijie?”

“Of course,” Nie Huaisang said, blinking back at him. “What did you think? That he just didn’t like her? He’s barely even met her.”

Wei Wuxian hadn’t thought about that way, but it made a certain amount of sense. “When did you get so good at reading people?” he asked, bemused. “I didn’t…uh…”

“Think I have any skills?”

Wei Wuxian coughed.

“I don’t!” Nie Huaisang beamed, clearly very proud of it. “But I do have a lot of expensive hobbies, and that means I need pocket money.”

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure he understood the connection, and said as much.

Nie Huaisang laughed at him. “The Nie sect believes in self-sufficiency,” he explained. “My brother gives me a certain amount of money to spend, sure, but we’re not the Jin sect; I can’t just buy everything that I lay my eyes on and send the bill back home – my brother would break my legs! I’m expected to find a way to increase the money I get until it’s enough to cover both my needs and wants, necessities and luxuries both, and if I can’t, then I have to do without luxuries.”

Nie Huaisang has never, not once, in the entire few months Wei Wuxian spent in his company, done without luxuries.

“So,” Wei Wuxian said, feeling oddly unnerved and unsure why, “you learned how to read people because you want to act like…a merchant?”

Nie Huaisang lightly tapped his head with his fan, rolling his eyes at him. “Stop being such a landed gentry young master, Wei-xiong. There’s nothing wrong with trade! How much of your sect’s money comes from merchants interested in keeping their trade routes free of resentful energy?”

Wei Wuxian wrinkled his nose a little. “That’s cheapening it a bit, don’t you think? As cultivators, it’s our duty to stand up as heroes, to defend the innocent and defeat evil, to purify –”

“Right, right. Remind me again how the Jiang sect pays for all that pretty purple?”

“Well…I mean…”

Technically, yes, there were all the dye sellers and the fabric merchants, but…

Nie Huaisang was laughing at him.

“Don’t worry about it, Wei-xiong,” he said, wiping his eyes. “You stick to doing your own thing. If you ever need to sell anything, come to me.”

“Of course,” Wei Wuxian said, privately thinking to himself that he’d rather farm for crops than become a seller hawking his goods in the marketplace. “Hey, wait, what is it that you sell, anyway?”

Nie Huaisang sniggered and refused to tell him.

2

It was porn.

Also barbeque and liquor, although in that case Nie Huaisang mostly played the middleman between the vendors of Caiyi Town and the students stuck eating Lan vegetables.

Sometimes he could even be convinced to tug on his contacts for other things, too.

“You’re a true friend,” Wei Wuxian said, clutching the bottle of chili sauce to his chest. “A true and wonderful friend.”

“You still have to pay,” Nie Huaisang said, his eyes curving up behind his fan. “No discounts.”

“A ruthless, vicious, cut-throat friend…”

“I lend you the porn for free, don’t I?

“Wonderful! Wonderful friend!”

3

No matter what Jiang Cheng said, Wei Wuxian was trying to keep his head down during their time at the indoctrination camp. He was taking this whole thing very seriously: he wasn’t making a fuss (too much), he wasn’t being insulting (too much), he wasn’t even socializing (too much).

Lan Wangji didn’t count, anyway; after what had happened to him, he needed someone bothering him.

But Wei Wuxian was being good and keeping back from the rest!

Well, he was, except then he saw Nie Huaisang and just had to go over to say hello. It was only polite, and had nothing to do with the fact that during the months he spent at the Cloud Recesses, he’d learned that Nie Huaisang could sell anyone on anything.

“I don’t suppose you have contacts that will sell you barbeque here,” Wei Wuxian said as a greeting, because the food they’d received was frankly disgusting in a way that made him wistful for the Lan sect like it had been a gourmet restaurant.

“Well,” Nie Huaisang hedged, and Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t get too excited, it’s not barbeque…”

It was meat, though, chunks of that had probably been roasted as skewers at one point, and Wei Wuxian didn’t even care that it was cold as he scarfed it down, immediately feeling ten times better than he’d been before.

“Where?” he asked. “How?”

“There’ll be a surprise inspection tomorrow morning,” Nie Huaisang said instead. “Keep your head down, they’re looking to make an example out of somebody.”

“How do you know that?”

Nie Huaisang shrugged. “I brought art.”

“To the indoctrination camp?”

“Wen soldiers get lonely and bored too, Wei-xiong.”

“You’re trading for information using porn?”

“Don’t be silly. I’m trading porn for meat, and getting the information while we’re chatting. A large number of the Wen sect cultivators used to be their own sects, you know, before they were absorbed, and not all of them are happy about what’s going on here. You just have to figure out who the loyalists are, avoid them, and focus on the rest, and it’s easy.”

“I still can’t believe you brought porn to the Wen sect,” Wei Wuxian said, shaking his head. “What’ll you do if your brother finds out?”

“You’re joking, right? He helped me pack it.”

Wei Wuxian will never understand the Nie sect.

4

Wei Wuxian stared wordlessly at his bowl.

There was a single slice of radish in it.

“Is this a joke?” he asked Wen Qing, because it might be, and she glared at him, meaning that no, it was not. “Don’t we have anything else?”

“With what money, Wen-gongzi? Do you think it comes from thin air?”

“I had a friend once who could make it come out of thin air,” he grumbled, looking down at his bowl. He’d practiced inedia, he didn’t need it, except for the fact that he really, really did. Not having a golden core made things hard. “He could’ve sold fish to fishermen, except he mostly just sold porn.”

Wen Qing rolled her eyes at him. “Wonderful story, Wei-gongzi. Positively heartwarming. But unless your old erotic art dealer is going to come to Yiling to help us sell some radishes, I don’t care.”

Naturally, that was impossible. Wei Wuxian was a villain now, his name blackened, the whole cultivation world against him –

Actually, as far as he could tell, the Nie sect didn’t seem to give a damn about him one way or another. From all the stories Nie Huaisang had told about his brother and from everything he’d seen in the war, Nie Mingjue wasn’t the sort of person to let evil sit around on a mountain while he was busy with other things – if he objected, he’d be there the next day with his saber, ready to put him in his place.

He hadn’t, obviously.

His hatred of the Wen sect was pretty well-known, but he’d taken no action at all to invade Yiling and demand that Wei Wuxian hand them over, and Wei Wuxian was mostly sure that it wasn’t because he was scared of what Wei Wuxian could do with the Stygian Tiger Seal.

…it was probably just the hunger getting to him and making him think crazy things. Not caring enough to go against him was pretty far from supporting him, after all.

But, hey, he wouldn’t be risking anything if he just wrote a tiny little letter asking Nie Huaisang for some advice on selling things, right?

I never thought I’d see the day my Wei-xiong finally became a merchant, the return letter said. I’ll be there in three days. I expect to see liquor.

Wei Wuxian took Wen Ning down the mountain and stood on his shoulders in order to emancipate a jar from the local tavern, but by the time Nie Huaisang arrived, there was, in fact, liquor.

Even Wen Qing – who had opposed the entire outing once she had heard about it upon their return – suddenly thought it was a perfectly reasonable sort of theft when Nie Huaisang offered to trade a giant crate full of meat for it.

“We had some leftovers from a boar hunt,” Nie Huaisang said mournfully, accepting the liquor and a bowl of radishes. “I need variety, Wei-gongzi, it’s terrible. You have to help me get rid of it; I can’t stand to look at it any longer.”

“You’re not supposed to be here,” Wei Wuxian reminded him in between glorious bites of pork. He was going to be a very good friend and do his best to ensure that Nie Huaisang’s request was fulfilled, even if it meant taking seconds and possibly thirds. “I asked for advice, not a visit.”

“You can’t expect me to put my good name on what could be inferior goods,” Nie Huaisang sniffed.

“Your good name? The one known for porn, you mean?”

Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes at him. “So show me what you have to sell.”

“It’s mostly just the radishes,” Wei Wuxian said. “I tried to tell Wen Qing that we should plant potatoes, but –”

“Forget the radishes,” Nie Huaisang said. “What’s this I hear about you designing a compass that pinpoints resentful energy?”

“Oh, that?” Wei Wuxian said, blinking. “Yeah, I made one of those – the Burial Mounds is the biggest source of resentful energy around, and it’s easier to have a compass that points home instead of north, you know? But what does that have to do with selling radishes?”

“Wei-xiong, you’re hopeless. Leave it all to me, and you’ll have your sect up and running in no time.”

“Yeah, that would be – wait, sect? What sect?”

“Actually,” Nie Huaisang said, tapping his fan against his cheek. He was just plain old ignoring Wei Wuxian now, which, hey! “I take it back – before you leave everything to me, show me what other ideas you’ve been cooking up. What about those talismans you used during the war? The spirit-drawing ones?”

“Spirit summoning,” Wei Wuxian corrected.

“Yes, those. Have you improved on those at all?”

“Uh, I mean, I guess…”

“Good. Show me everything.”

5

“So I have a sect now,” Wei Wuxian told Lan Wangji, who had come to visit. “We sell things to support it. Apparently.”

Lan Wangji nodded, apparently already aware of this. “The clan elders have agreed that using your flags to draw fierce corpses and other creatures away from areas with innocent human lives is an acceptable use.”

“Even the Lan sect?” Wei Wuxian marveled. “No wonder we’re making so much money.”

Then he sighed.

Lan Wangji looked questioningly at him.

“Well, I have a sect now,” Wei Wuxian said. “Everyone’s expecting me to – you know. Form the core of the sect.”

“Marry,” Lan Wangji concluded. Possibly advised? No, that didn’t sound like he was urging him to go ahead, which made a total of one person. “You do not have to if you do not wish. You already have an heir.”

“A-Yuan’s too young to be a proper heir,” Wei Wuxian objected, though he was secretly gleeful that people were generally accepting him as one. “And obviously I can’t just pick anyone; how will I know if they’re a spy? Or if they’ll secretly dislike A-Yuan?” He sighed again. “The worst part is, I think Nie Huaisang is plotting against me, too.”

“Plotting?”

“Yeah! He’s encouraging people to ask me about marriage, when clearly it’s better for me to stay off the market…what about you, Lan Zhan? Are you planning on marrying?”

“No,” Lan Wangji said.

“We’ll be a bunch of old bachelors, then,” Wei Wuxian said. “You should come more often, A-Yuan loves you…hey! I have a great idea! Why don’t we get married? Then no one will bother us ever again!”

“Mm,” Lan Wangji said.

“Mm? What does that mean?”

“It means I will need to send Nie Huaisang his payment in the morning,” Lan Wangji said, and moved to sit next to Wei Wuxian.

“Payment? You bought something from him? What did you want to –”

Lan Wangji silenced him pretty effectively, no spell necessary, and by the time Wei Wuxian retained enough ability to think through what exactly the purchase must have been, he’d already been converted to thinking that it was a very intelligent purchase to make.

Nie Huaisang really could sell anything.

[renaerys]

PPG One-Shot: A Balmy Tuesday in Hell

Taking a break from the prompt requests to wish a very happy birthday to @snailbutters! Tbh I like this idea a lot and I’m tempted to expand on it more. Cross posted on AO3. 

xxx

When Mike went looking for a part-time job to earn some spending money, he had a hard time finding one that worked around his college class schedule. All the good on-campus jobs were taken, and most of the ones he found offsite required him to be up way too early or way too late with very little flexibility. 

The front desk position at the Beelzebob, a local hair salon advertising an array of “wicked styles” for any occasion, was not the most glamorous position, but it welcomed part timers and offered flexible schedules to be discussed on a case by case basis. It was at the tail end of a long week of job hunting with little to show for it, and Mike was tired. Still, he dragged himself all the way there after his three-hour Friday seminar and put on his best retail charm for the interview. 

One of the stylists told him to wait in the lobby while she grabbed the manager for his interview, and so Mike sat in a plush, purple chair and eyed the stack of magazines on the coffee table—HJi, Professional Beauty, NHF, and others he recognized from Googling “how to work at a hair salon” last night. A playlist that seemed to consist entirely of K-pop pumped ripples of bubblegum bass through the speakers and had Mike tapping his fingers on his hip. There was no one behind the sleek, glass reception desk, so Mike got up and wandered over to it. He tried to imagine himself with the headset on, fielding phone calls and helping customers pick out one of the many luxury hair products on the walls behind the desk. He touched his own brown hair—plain and getting a bit long, but styled with a little wax for the day—and worried about whether he should have tried a bit harder for this interview. Would he be judged on his own hair? That seemed reasonable enough—

“This simply won’t do.”

Mike startled at the lyrical voice and turned around to find a seven-foot, red-skinned demon in Lululemons appraising him over an enterprising nose. Which would have been a cause for mild to moderate alarm even in Metroville—a hub for lowlifes, Supervillains, and the occasional monster on a mission out of Townsville farther north—except that Mike recognized this particular demon. At which point he got the pun in the name of this place and smiled. 

“Him,” he squeaked. And then, remembering his high school retail training: “I mean, Mr. Him.”

Him—Prince of Pestilence, Duke of Depravity, Earl of Evil, et cetera—blushed the color of an open wound. “You’re house trained, I see. All right, this way.”

Him turned on his Louboutin heel and headed into the salon. Mike hurried after Him, unsure whether this was good or bad. Him led him to a styling chair and sat him down. A purple salon cape made its way around Mike’s neck with a flamenco flourish, and Him leaned over his head in the reflection. 

“What are we thinking?”

Mike eyed his potential future employer from perfectly curled goatee to artificial mink lashes and hesitated. 

This is a test. 

It had to be. Surely, anyone manning the phones had to know something about haircare in general. If he was to be the vanguard, the watcher on the Wall, he would have to be able to alert his colleagues of the incoming threats and answer questions about how to fend off anything from tangles to split ends. Mike tried to remember the last time he got a haircut; Boomer had been with him, his eye far more discerning than Mike’s. 

“Comb over,” Mike said. 

“Quiff?”

“More faux hawk.” He tried not to think of the heat on the back of his neck, and instead of the sly grin on Boomer’s face the last time he’d been under the scissors. “With a low fade. Um, please.”

Him’s fangs gleamed when he grinned. “Good choice.”

For a demon with claws the size of dinner plates, Him was surprisingly adroit and precise to a literal razor’s edge. In fact, Mike was certain Him must sharpen his claws to get them sharp enough to shave the hair from the nape of his neck, which seemed like a sensible time-saver. Blackpink’s Pretty Savage blared over the speaker as Him coifed and styled the thicker locks that remained on top of Mike’s head, combed to the left in enviable, anti-gravity perfection. 

“Wow.” He touched the side of his head, marveling at the close but generous cut and the perfect blend. “This has to be the best haircut I’ve ever gotten.”

He got up and removed the cape, only to find Him with a broom in his claw. “I run a clean salon, Michael.”

Mike accepted the broom without question. “Yes, sir.”

Him preened. “Good lad.”

“Does… Does this mean I got the job?”

Him flipped his claw. “There will be a trial period. You young people are so used to texting that I’ll have to determine if you’re fit to answer a phone. But, considering your manners, I have a good feeling about you.”

Amazing! “Thank you so much! When do I start?”

“Honey, you’re already late. I have customers waiting.” Him snapped his claw. “Chop chop.”

Mike swept up his shorn hair and the hair around the chair next to his, dumped it all in a bin labeled “Hair,” and ran to the front desk to answer the phone ringing off the hook. The stylist who’d greeted him, Marisol, helped him with the computer login so he could manage appointments and checkout. It was easy enough, a Square card reader and a cash register and a huge logbook of every sale. 

“Middle finger up, F-U, pay me,” Mike whisper-rapped along with Lisa. 

A couple hours later, Him handed him a check for the time worked and told him to be back here tomorrow at 3 p.m. Mike accepted the check, but he didn’t pocket it. 

“Sir, I should tell you for the sake of full disclosure.”

Him peered down at him with his claws on his hips. “Oh?”

This should not be so hard.

“I’m, well, I’m involved. With your son. Boomer.”

Him clicked his claw, and Mike held his breath. 

Boomer had spoken about Him—Baron of Brutality, King of Chaos, Emperor of Enmity et cetera—on just a few occasions throughout their acquaintance. Raising souls from the dead was a hobby of Him’s, apparently, but often his necromantic offspring ended up rotting and were no fit candidates to promenade in civilized society that wasn’t eternally damned and burning. Chemical X cut out that inconvenience, and thus the perfect little boys were reborn, or something. According to Boomer, Him was evil on Sundays, a prolific genius on Tuesdays, and crocheting with his kobolds on Fridays. The rest of the time he was just a normal demon trying to survive in this capitalist post-modern society like everybody else. Anyway, Sunday wasn’t in Mike’s work schedule, so that seemed safe enough.

“I know,” Him said. “You don’t expect me to believe you’d Googled the most flattering hairstyle for your bone structure without help, do you?”

Mike was pretty sure there was a compliment in there, even if it wasn’t for him. “I guess not.”

Him beamed. “Don’t worry. I would never let my favorite son’s romantic life influence the culture at Beelzebob. You’ll be judged before an impartial tribunal of incubi, like everybody else. Now, before you go, I’d like you to dispose of the waste, please.”

Mike learned the value of separating trash that day. Discarded receipts and candy wrappers dumped in the waste bin went into the trash, lunch leftovers went to compost, and cut hair went to sacrificial offerings. 

“Sacrifices reduce our carbon footprint and offer protection against flat Earthers. It’s a proven science, you know.”

Mike supposed it would be poor manners to argue with an ancient evil on his crochet day.

xxx

Boomer was all sly smiles and discreet hand touches when Mike treated him to dinner at their favorite Thai place later that week. 

“So, your job seems to be paying well,” he said. 

“Well enough to take my boyfriend out to a nice dinner now and then.”

“Careful. Spend too much time with Him and your tastes will get really expensive.”

Mike laughed. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll switch majors to cosmetology and join the family business.”

“You know what? He’d probably love that. He tried so hard to get Brick to follow in his footsteps, but Mojo let him mess around on his E-Shares account once when we were eleven and Brick was lost to the finance track forever. I’m pretty sure Mojo did it on purpose.” Boomer leaned in and clinked his wine glass to Mike’s. “Anyway, buy me this dinner before you jump to joining the family business.”

Mike flushed. “I’m—I didn’t—”

Boomer laughed. “Chill! I’m just messing with you.”

The playlist at the restaurant began playing Blackpink’s Kill This Love, and Mike burst out laughing. 

“What?” Boomer asked. “You like this song? You know, Him is really big into K-pop lately. Butch thinks someone must have sold a bunch of souls and made a killing.”

“I know.” Mike kissed Boomer’s hand. “It’s just funny how things work out.”

Boomer smiled. “Yeah. I guess it is.”

Their food arrived, and Mike happily ate his meal across from Boomer. And in the back of his mind, he said a little thank-you to Him and whatever chaotic forces he controlled for reviving Boomer all those years ago. 

It must have been a balmy Tuesday in Hell.

xxx

If you enjoy my writing, check out more of my fics on AO3, link in my profile. I’m currently updating Trinity House and The Alchemy of Us. Thanks for reading!

[ladykissingfish]

Bedtime with the Akatsuki (Part 2/2)

Kisame A lot of Kisame’s nightime activity is centered around taking care of his legendary sword Samehada. The blade is, after all, a sentient creature, and therefore needs to be treated with the proper respect. He re-wraps it, speaks to it, tells it his plans for the upcoming day. He also brings it with him to the dinner table (which makes the others horribly uneasy) because Samehada enjoys being around all the different types of Chakra, much the way Kisame enjoys being around the different personalities. One time Hidan made Kisame angry, and Samehada reacted by darting from Kisame’s side and leaping in front of Hidan, sucking his chakra right out of him. He drained so much that Hidan’s vitals all shut down, and the others actually believed he’d died ((Kakuzu actually cried tears of joy)); but the idiot just ended up internally regenerating a few hours later, much to everyone’s chagrin, Kisame isn’t really a nighttime sleeper in the way that the others are; he’ll take short naps throughout the entire day, but that’s really it. When not sleeping he’ll go for long walks, or, if the water is clear, a dip in the stream. He might also spend some time talking with his young sleepless partner Itachi, or having tea with him after the others have gone to bed. Zetsu Zetsu will rarely join the others for dinner, because the sort of food being served really isn’t to his tastes. Very very rarely he can convince Konan to give him a hunk of raw meat ((although this runs up against interference from Kakuzu, as the old guy doesn’t like “throwing money down the drain for the tree to eat bloody chicken”)). Doesn’t stay home at night; evenings are an ideal time for him to go scouting. He travels through the earth at enviable speed, sometimes spying on nearby village operations, sometimes doing a pre-run for an Akatsuki team’s upcoming mission. Zetsu doesn’t sleep too often, but when he does, he prefers to do so outdoors. His color and foliage help him blend seamlessly into all the other plants, so he’s never detected unless he opens his eyes. Also likes to take infrequent evening “baths” by immersing himself in a pond or stream (although he as to be careful not to overdo it; too much water can really mess up his insides). Tobi/Obito Eating around the others had always been a difficulty for Tobi, because doing so requires that he move the mask. For the longest time he’d simply tell the others that he wasn’t hungry, and then go and sneak leftovers to take to his room later ... but, very surprisingly, Deidara was the one who stopped this. On his own, he had a meeting with the others about what he guessed was Tobi’s dilemma, and then sat him down and explained, in his own gruff way, that “We all don’t give a damn what you look like under there, hm. Nobody is going to be staring at you, so just sit with us and eat, dumbass.” And true to Deidara’s word, nobody tries to look at him while at the table. Tobi has found a way to move his mask about a quarter of the way off his face, so only his mouth is exposed, but still; everybody remains respectful of his desire not to be looked at, even Hidan. After eating, though, the maturity of the situation is dropped and Tobi becomes Tobi again, pestering the others, running around the halls; either Deidara or Sasori remind him to take a bath for the night, which he outwardly balks at ... but inner-Obito loves. The water couldn’t ever be hot enough, and Obito likes to “borrow” bubble bath from Konan whenever he can, letting the luxuriant smells take his mind away from his troubles for a bit. Bedtime always starts off okay; Obito is tired from putting on Tobi all day ... but actual sleeping is difficult. Obito is plagued with gruesome nightmares about death and loss, and largely left alone to deal with them. He’s tried to go to Deidara’s room ((for some reason the blonde’s constant angriness is something Obito finds soothing)) but Deidara locks his door. Sometimes Obito will force himself back to sleep but often he’ll wander outside, away from the base, to walk along the forest and stare at the moon. He’ll

always return before dawn, just as bright and energetic as everyone expects him to be.

Konan Konan spends a good deal of the early evening cooking. At first she didn’t really agree with Pein’s One Meal Mandate, but after a few times she starts to see the value in it. Cooking for her is a way to relax, and shrug off some of the tensions from the day. And everybody is really appreciative of her culinary efforts; there’s never a single pan or plate that comes back with food on it. She doesn’t really talk much herself at the table; she prefers to listen to the others. It’s interesting, the personalities that emerge when the topic isn’t war or death or fighting. After dinner, after dishes and cleaning (which the sweetheart Itachi always helps her with, whether she asks him to or not), Konan goes into her room for Konan-time. Her favorite thing to do is write in her journal; when she was a young girl and the man known as Jiraiya came into her and Nagato and Yahiko’s lives, he was always working on a manuscript for a book that he said he’d call Make-Out Paradise. When he left, he left behind the drafts of this work in progress, and ever since then, Konan has been scribbling out alternate endings and continued scenes to the (admittedly scandalous and definitely perverted) collection of tales. An embarrassing hobby, maybe; but one she enjoys. After writing, she’ll carefully apply an overnight face mask and go to bed, closing her eyes and laying flat on her back. She’s a fairly heavy sleeper, and her internal clock faithfully wakes her up every morning at the crack of dawn. Well, either that or an early-morning shouting match between some of the more rambunctious Akatsuki members. Hidan Anyone looking at this guy would think he has a normal nighttime routine. He’ll come back from a mission, he’ll wash up, he’ll eat a pleasant meal with “the family” — and then the scariness comes out. Hidan will pack up his scythe and his jashin bible and head out from the house, in search of converts (or sacrifices) to his wonderful religion. Most of the people he finds are rogue ninja, or travelers making camp for the night in the woods. Man, woman, young, old — nobody escapes the wrath that Lord Jashin reserves for blasphemous disbelievers. A good night will yield Hidan 2 or 3 sacrifices; a GREAT night, a dozen or more. It used to be that he’d drag his victims back home for the rituals, but the other members complained to Pein that the noise and the screaming made it difficult to sleep, so Hidan is forced to carry on his activities away from the base. When he returns, the immortal is satisfied but utterly exhausted. Without bothering to clean himself up, he’ll drag himself to his room and throw himself down on his bed, often falling asleep face-first in his covers. The others will complain about the mess he leaves in his wake ... but that’s what Zetsu is for. Hidan has a deal with the plant-man that he’ll leave him some good “juicy” parts of his victims intact, as well as tell Zetsu where to find them, and Zetsu cleans up the bloody wreckage from the hall and (in the morning) the bathroom. Actually more of a win-win for Zetsu alone, but it works for Hidan. Kakuzu For this guy, bed time is budget time. He’ll sit at the dining table as Konan brings out dish after dish, and stay there long after the last plate has been cleared away. So focused on crunching his numbers that he’ll have to be reminded to actually eat. Kakuzu is the Akatsuki’s treasurer, which means it’s up to him to ensure that every member on the team is financially prepared to face their upcoming missions. Pein will give him a list of who’s going where the next day, and what possible expense they may run into ((the Akatsuki isn’t exactly a paying job, but Pein ensures that the members always have a reasonable amount of money on hand, to sustain them/keep them fed during their journeys)). Kakuzu takes what money is in the treasury and doles it out accordingly. When he’s done with that, he goes to his own room and counts out his OWN money. Kakuzu takes on capturing many bounties

in his spare-time, and the majority of his gains are kept solely to himself. He feels he has to do a count every night because he doesn’t necessarily trust those around him ((especially Hidan)) to not “borrow” from him when he’s not around. Evenings are also when “Dr. Kakuzu” receives patients; sometimes Deidara will come to him and ask him to tighten the stitching on his arms(which he carelessly loosened with his damn excessive bombing), sometimes Hidan will need bits and pieces sewn back on after one of his sacrifices goes south. One time Itachi came to him and requested stitching from a gash he’d received down his rib cage ... by far one of the worst injuries Kakuzu had been asked to treat, but the kid didn’t even so much as flinch. When the money and the medical appointments are finally finished, Kakuzu will get into bed with a magazine (the guy has a hidden love for architect and interior design) and usually end up falling asleep before he’s gotten past the first few pages.

[sashagilljournalist]

Eating In The Time Of The Coronavirus

It’s 2020, and humanity has become unmoored. Multiple countries have declared a state of emergency. Country borders are closing. Cities are on lockdown: shops are shuttered, rush-hour traffic is a thing of the past, supermarkets shelves lie desolate. Welcome to life in the time of the coronavirus outbreak. Here, pandemonium reigns, for there is nothing that we humans fear more than uncertainty.

Even in times of crisis, we must eat. But now that too has become tricky. Social isolation is a challenging feat in itself. But how do you feed yourself when you are housebound? How do you whip up even the most basic pasta, when shelves in the shops remain bare?

Here I offer you a small consolation in the form of some good news. You are not going to starve, and you do not need to kick into panic-buy-mode (easier said than done, I am well aware). Here are some ways in which you can support yourself, the community, and independent businesses during these unsettling times.

Support Small Businesses

The pandemic is causing major repercussions for small businesses and is likely to cause numerous business fatalities. Xenophobia has reared its ugly head, with Chinese-run businesses being particularly badly hit by plummeting sales. Small business owners are faced with the ultimate dilemma – risk the safety of their staff, or close their doors and risk never being able to open them again. Even those who are trying to ride it out have seen their clientele dwindle down to a trickle.

While the government has advised against going out to cafes and bars, there is still some that can be done to help those in a vulnerable financial position. Many locally-run cafes and restaurants still offer take-out, and Deliveroo has even introduced a contact-free delivery option. Spending money on a takeaway, if you can afford it, can help keep these businesses afloat.

This does raise an ethical question regarding the safety of delivery drivers. They are the ones most at risk since they come into contact with multiple people throughout their shift, and often do not have the luxury of paid time off work or insurance against unemployment. While there is no perfect solution to this, you can always try to be as considerate as possible – chose the contact-free option when available (or call ahead to ask if this is an option), and –please—tip your rider. They are putting themselves at a huge personal risk to provide you with a service. Be careful, be compassionate.

If ordering a delivery is not your jam, there are still ways you can show your support for small businesses. Get a gift card to use at a later date, buy store merchandise (those T-shirts from the Missing Bean are sounding pretty fabulous), get supplies like coffee beans from cafes, or homemade jam from bakeries. Failing that, you can go through a more direct route and donate to crowdfunding pages specifically dedicated to preventing these companies from being crushed beneath the enormous weight of the pandemic.

Admittedly, none of this addresses the systemic issue at hand, that there is little to no support for entrepreneurs and workers who will be tremendously affected by the changing social climate. It isn’t a perfect world, so please be considerate to delivery and service staff – they are trying their best, they are tired, they are worried.

Support the community

If there is one thing I urge you to take away from this article, it is this – panic-buying serves no one. You are left with more than you could possibly need, service staff are weary and exhausted from constantly restocking shelves, and the most vulnerable members of society (who need non-perishables more than we do) are all too often left without. In an effort to counter this, many shops are introducing a protected shopping time for the elderly or more vulnerable. It’s hard to imagine how things have escalated quite so quickly.

You do not need five boxes of penne pasta. If you truly do require a 24-roll pack of loo roll for the week, you should see a doctor for reasons entirely unrelated to COVID-19. This trend of panic-buying is placing an exorbitant strain on supermarket staff, and causing even more people to stockpile as a knee-jerk reaction to seeing empty shelves.

If you are fortunate enough to have grabbed more loo roll or dried goods than you realistically need, donate some of it to people who may need it more than you do. If you are aware of a neighbour or friend who is unable to leave the house easily (due to age, being in quarantine or otherwise ill health), offer to run some essential errands for them. Pick them up some food from the stores, offer to pop into Boots for their prescriptions, or simply give them a ring every now and then to see how they are getting on.

It is especially in times like this when the natural feeder in me bursts forth. I show my love for people by cooking for them, and what better time to offer comfort in the form of a large casserole dish of gooey macaroni than now? Is offering to cook for a neighbour or friend ultimately going to cause more harm than good?

According to the Centres for Disease Control, there is no evidence that the virus can be transmitted via food. The virus itself is heat-sensitive – so as long as you are practising good hygiene, and heating up food to the appropriate temperatures, the risk should be minimal. Salads and sandwiches, for this reason, are a little riskier. The virus has been shown to be able to survive on surfaces for up to 24 hours, so keep everything—hands, countertops, bowls, produce—as clean as possible. Any leftovers should be covered and refrigerated swiftly.

The standard rules apply for the suggestions made here, please make sure that you are feeling well enough in yourself to do this for other people.

Support yourself

Social isolation is not peachy. It is mind-numbingly dull, you run out of ways to occupy yourself, and there is a limit to how many Netflix shows you can saturate your day with (or is there?). I am of the belief that there is nothing that can truly unite people in times of anguish than food. And when physical proximity is impossible, technology can still swoop in to our rescue.

Make a Whatsapp or FaceTime group with your pals, and from a cooking club. Swap recipes, cooking tips, ways to embellish your third day of leftovers. Or, if cooking isn’t your thing, I have discovered that wine is truly one of the best accompaniments to a group video call. It is fancy, it’s social, and you can do it all in your jimjams.

If you prefer cooking solo, perhaps now would be the perfect time to pick up a culinary hobby that would otherwise command quite a lot of your attention. All those months I have spent putting off taking my sourdough starter out of hibernation were not in vain – for now, I have ample opportunity to breathe new life into Shirley (that’s the name of my starter, which is totally not weird, at all). If the prospect of making a ‘mother dough’ sounds like the stuff of nightmares, you can start elsewhere. Make jam! Make pickles! Make Kombucha! Sharpen your knife skills! Learn better puns! The only limit is your imagination… and what social isolation can afford you.

Spending all day indoors can make even the most secure person feel unhinged, so if you are someone who already feels extreme anxiety around our current situation, please, take care of yourself. Make sure you have friends or family members to support you. Self-care comes in many different forms, but it is important for you to find something that eases your mind, even if it is only fleetingly. I write food articles, so naturally, my form of self-care involves quite a lot of time in the kitchen. If you, like me, are fighting an almost irresistible urge to bake fifteen different cookie recipes to decide which reigns supreme, watch this space – we will be offering you cooking projects to fill your days with. Stay safe and stay snug, as we wait this madness out together, even if we are apart.

Photo Source: Eneas De Troya, Flickr Creative Commons

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 335 - 341

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-FIVE

8:30 AM - I get to work on time and make a piece of toast and make some coffee.

12:00 PM - I really don’t know what to do foodwise, so for some godforsaken reason I go to Subway. I get a foot-long veggie and a bag of chips. $6.18

4:30 PM - I spend 2 hours cleaning up my mom’s computer for her via screenshare.

7:00 PM - I meet up with Q and buy him dinner at Shady Park. We both get ramen and cocktails. $53

9:00 PM - We walk to Taste and grab glasses of wine. I pay again. $13

10:00 PM - Q walks me home and it’s nice to be back. Boyfriend turns on a basketball game and I fall asleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-FIVE TOTAL: $72.18

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-SIX

9:00 AM - I arrive at work to find that my colleague has already made us coffee. I toast some bread to go with it.

11:30 AM - I run over to Sprouts and buy a container of tomato soup, some b-12 spray that i desperately need, bagel chips, hummus, and an 8 pack of La Croix. $29.17

4:00 PM - I send a letter to my brother via Sandboxx. $3

4:30 PM - I eat the rest of my hummus and the bagel chips. I should never buy hummus for lunch. I end up eating the entire container throughout the day. Hello caloric overload.

5:45 PM - I arrive home from work and watch Vanderpump rules and puts around on the couch.

7:00 PM - I heat up leftover shepherd's pie. It’s still tasty but I start to get weary of food that’s been in the fridge for longer than two weeks. I’ll probably pitch it tomorrow or Thursday.

8:00 PM - I polish off two open wine bottles and boyfriend and I watch basketball. I book a flight to Omaha using my parents’ credit card for my sister’s bridal shower. The costs of this wedding are insane, and I’m really thankful that my parentals have offered a to pay for one of the four flights I have to buy.

10:00 PM - Boyfriend and I watch a few episodes of Eastbound and Down and eventually I fall asleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-SIX TOTAL: $32.17

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-SEVEN

9:00 AM - I’m working from home today. I take a shower and head over to Cartel to grab a cold brew. I run into the friends we hung out with on Sunday and they give me a toddy for free. Since one is behind the register and the other is standing next to me, tipping is hopeless, so I don’t even try.

10:00 AM - I run back home and eat some crackers for breakfast and drink my toddy. Today’s a pretty light workday, so I book the final flights for my boyfriend and I to go to Chicago for my sister’s wedding. We have the same return flight, but I leave much earlier than he does so I can help out with MOH duties. $811.92

11:00 AM - I am fully convinced that I will have spent $5k on my sister’s wedding by the time it’s over. I love my sister, and I definitely make an okay living for myself, but compared to her friends, I’m 100% on the poverty line.

12:00 PM - One of the things that’s really helped my sanity over the past month or so has been lighting candles in our common spaces. My boyfriend had a ton of leftover Glade ones from when he moved out of his apartment and we’re reaching the end of them. I want to find a nice candle subscription company where we can get one really nice candle every month and then fill other spaces with shitty IKEA ones. I spend some time looking at candle box subscriptions and finally pick one. It’s $30/mo and includes shipping, tax, and two candles - one 8 ounce, and one 4 ounce. It’s not a good deal, but it’s not a bad deal for all-natural soy boys. $30

12:15 PM - My parents drove down this pinball machine for us a few weeks ago and I have a service call for it right now. The guy who comes rules. He’s probably 5-6 years older than me, has a pokemon hat on, and is just really knowledgeable and rad about the machine. He fixes it in an hour and a half. I pay up. $205

1:00 PM - I heat up leftover shepherd's pie for lunch.

3:40 PM - I’m finding it hard to focus so I play some pinball and pour myself a grapefruit juice.

5:30 PM - I watch some 60 Days In and this is hands down the most ridiculous season I’ve seen to date. I scroll through their subreddit and I see a thread that’s called “Who Are You Most Disappointed in?” and someone says “Myself for watching this.” And yes, that’s exactly how I feel.

7:30 PM - BFF arrives at my house and he swipes me and boyfriend to grab Hummus Xpress. I get a falafel bowl and boyfriend gets a falafel pita and we bring it back to the house and eat and play pinball. I pay. $18

9:00 PM - BFF leaves for a show and boyfriend and I head out to The Van Buren to watch Brock Hampton. They are not very good and the crowd is super rough. We leave after someone pukes on the ground 15 feet away from me.

11:00 PM - We hop in bed and I fall asleep pretty early.

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-SEVEN TOTAL: $1064.92

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-EIGHT

9:00 AM - I arrive at work and find that my assistant is already making us coffee. I toast a piece of bread.

9:45 AM - I really want to up my game for charcuterie boards. I think it would be a really fun hobby for me. I’ve been hearing amazing things about the Non-Dairy Evolution Cookbook so I decide to give it a shot. $14.55

10:45 PM - My client meeting goes well. I do some b-12 spray which I swear is a game changer for my motivation and fatigue-feeling. I must be really deficient. :(

11:30 PM - We all go to the food court for lunch. I get a half soup and sandwich from Panera. $9.61

3:00 PM - I crack open a La Croix to motivate me to do some work.

4:00 PM - I text back and forth with NY Friend about maybe me making dinner for us. I decide to make us BBQ Jackfruit sandwiches and asparagus.

5:00 PM - I stop at Sprouts and grab asparagus, a lemon, a bag of coleslaw, buns, bbq sauce, and a can of jackfruit. $14.15

6:30 PM - Dinner’s ready but my friend doesn’t get here until 9:00. I score a new personal best on pinball and we watch some of the Spurs / GSW game. GSW wins.

11:00 PM - We are in bed and my boyfriend decides to put on Forgetting Sarah Marshall which means I don’t sleep.

1:30 AM - Movie’s over. I can finally sleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-EIGHT TOTAL: $38.31

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-NINE

9:10 AM - I get to work a little late and find my assistant has already made us coffee.

11:00 AM - I finish my meeting and book it home to meet my boyfriend. He has already done the dishes which is helpful for me. I pack my stuff, kiss the dog, shove a sandwich down my throat and we jump in his new Civic and head out to LA.

2:00 PM - We stop to pee and grab road snacks. I get a can of Pringles, a Gatorade and my boyfriend gets a bag of peanuts, a Clif bar, and a bottle of water. I pay. $9.75

5:15 PM - We arrive at my boyfriend’s parents’ house in Anaheim and drop off our stuff. We say hello for a minute and then jump back in the car and head to the Palladium.

7:15 PM - We park in a garage and walk over to the venue. We realize once we’re inside that we arrived incredibly early and that Jawbreaker doesn’t play until 11 which is awful because neither of us have really eaten. Boyfriend buys me a bottle of water and we split a container of popcorn.

11:50 PM - I get really light headed and try to hang during the set as best as I could, but I can feel my blood sugar dropping. I run to the concession stand and buy a blue Powerade. $7

12:15 PM - I fight my way back through the crowd and find my boyfriend. I survive the last three songs and the encore and we book it and head back to Anaheim.

1:15 PM - We stop at Del Taco and boyfriend treats us to a luxurious dinner.

2:00 AM - Home // immediately asleep.

DAY THREE HUNDRED THIRTY-NINE TOTAL: $16.75

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY

9:00 AM - We wake up and feel super rested. I take a shower and get ready for the day.

10:00 AM - Boyfriend and I run to Grow to grab coffee. I pay. $9.30

11:00 AM - Boyfriend and parents and I head out to grab breakfast. The place we planned on going to is PACKED so we decide to drive near the CA Science Center (or whatever it’s called!) to eat near there.

12:45 PM - All of us are super starving. We stop at this place called Rustiq Table and I get a veggie burg with fries on a definitely not vegan bun. At this point I don’t even ask. My fear of them saying “The only thing you can have a 200 calorie salad” is much greater than the harm I just did to 1 chicken egg. Boyfriend’s parents pay.

2:00 PM - We arrive a The Science Center (boyfriend’s parents pay for everything) and check out the Endeavor. It’s HUGE!

5:00 PM - We arrive back in Anaheim and watch basketball for a little bit.

7:00 PM - We grab dinner at this killer Italian joint. I get penne with marinara and garlic confirming that it’s dairy-free. We split a bottle of wine for the table and all is well. Boyfriend’s parents pay again. They’re so sweet!

9:30 PM - We all hang out on the couch for another hour or so and and then I fall asleep for a glorious 9.5 hours.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY TOTAL: $9.30

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-ONE

10:00 AM - Woah. How did I sleep this late? Answer: It’s Daylight Savings Time now.

11:00 AM - We grab coffee again at Grow. Boyfriend pays and we bring them back to the house. His parents have bagels in the freezer. We toast our choices and I slather mine with spicy hummus.

12:00 PM - Boyfriend can’t find his sunglasses which is a big problem because he’s pretty sensitive to light. Boyfriend, his mom, and me end up running over to Citadel to get him a new pair. While we’re there we check out the Nike and adidas outlets which are both kind of trash. Boyfriend finds a nice pair of kicks though.

3:00 PM - We run to Hollywood and grab lunch at Veggie Grill. I get the crab cake sandwich. Boyfriend’s mom pays. Again, so sweet.

4:00 PM - We head over to Amoeba and I’m kind of prepared to spend hours there but boyfriend seems more on a mission to get out of there because he already spent a bunch of money. I find the new Shopping record, so that’s cool! $22.13

6:00 PM - We make our way back to Anaheim. We spend the rest of the evening watching basketball. I drink some wine and have my leftover penne for dinner.

8:00 PM - Boyfriend, his mom, and I leave and head out to LAX. I am flying back to Phoenix but my boyfriend will be staying in LA for the whole week for a work conference.

9:00 PM - I arrive at the airport and eventually board my flight back to Phoenix.

12:00 AM - I land. I tired. I uber home. Driver’s really rad. I tip her $5. $16.80

12:15 AM - I pack an etsy order that needs to be mailed tomorrow. I have 4 more in the pipeline but I need to print more business cards at the office. I write a note on my hand to do so in the morning.

12:30 AM - So thankful to be in bed.

DAY THREE HUNDRED FORTY-ONE TOTAL: $38.93