#You are worth everything good <3 and beautiful <333

[hammill-goes-fogwalking]

You are worth every word of love. Worth every good deed, worth every smile, every tear of joy. You are worth the suns rays and the warm air, you are worth the happiness and the laughter. You are worth everything good and beautiful. ❣️✨💖

Give everyone and anyone this message, go to random blogs, someone you don’t even know, stretch your ask limit, anon or not, tell them they are worth it. Because the world needs more love.

THANK YOU MY BESTIE 💖✨💖✨ glitter hearts be upon ye 🫴🏻

[amoristt]

trust i seek, and i find in you | the finale

part 1 (x) part 2 (x) part 3 (x) alternative ending (x)

「 ✦ seong gi-hun / reader ✦ 」

a/n: theres two endings to this story cuz i couldnt make my mind up!!! if ur not happy w this ending, check the other <333 i hope you guys enjoy, ive had so much fun writing this series UGH

Rain poured dense and persistent from the angry sky above, thick clouds akin to raging plumes of smoke miles overheard. The dirt and gravel surrounding you resolved into slick mud under your dress shoes. Droplets of water gathered at the crown of your skull before cascading down the lines of your face, deepend with grief. Fat tears had long since begun to fall from your water lines and race down your cheeks, only hidden by the onslaught of heavy rain, a mirage that only bought you seconds before you would inevitably fall into Gi-hun’s arms blubbering like an inconsolable child. 

The game laid out before you both had already started but neither of you could bring yourselves to move. Just two players standing in static, unwilling. Gi-hun was, as always, as easy to read as a book. Every emotion that coursed through him was plain as day before you. His anger, his fear, his desolation all settled into the wrinkles of his frown, those puppy-dog like eyes downcast and swallowing you whole. You hated seeing him like that- broken. 

How could this be happening. 

Just the night before, in both of your monkey suits with full bellies and reeling from loss, he had said that he knew a way out of this. That since it was just the mere two of you left, he knew exactly how to make sure you’d both go home at the next game. He was confident, with a pipe dream in his eyes and a sense of bright urgency so determined that you couldn’t help but believe him too. You think you would have believed anything that passed his lips. Needed to believe that there was a light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel. He said that just like the first time you’d been chewed up and spat out by the games, you could both hold another vote to end the games and send you both packing. You could start your lives together having found something worth more than the weight of the gold the game makers had dangled just out of your grasp since day one.

Go on, and live for the ones who couldn’t. 

You sucked in every word he said. Leaned on it, depended on it, clung to it equally as desperate as you clung to his chest and buried your face in the scent of him. He said he would find you after you were both dropped off no matter what it took. He’d find you, and it would be the last time you were without each other. 

Clause three, He’d said, a dejection in his sorrowful voice. A majority vote will end the games.

It sounded too good to be true. And yet, you began to imagine it. You and Gi-hun. Life together outside the games, a life you wished you could have found years and years ago. Early mornings spent tangled together in bed sharing one lousy comforter. A dingy roof that always seemed to leak, floors that were always just a little too cold for comfort. Lights would flicker, your neighbors would be less than friendly. But you would be together. You’d patch the holes in the ceiling of whatever ramshackle shithole you’d both scrounged up the money for. He’d stand by the drafty windows and watch the world come to life in the early hours of the day, painted in the beautiful morning sun while you pretend to stay asleep just to drink in a few extra moments of his peace.

Eating dry ramen on a table made from a cardboard box. Sharing a bottle of Soju because you could only afford one. 

You’d work long hours day by day to afford what little you had, but then at the end of every shift your sore feet would wander you right back home and into his arms and it would all be worth it. Sore, tired, hungry. Loved.

It was a lovely mirage. It was everything you never knew you needed. You never needed money, or fancy things. All you needed was someone to push through life with you. Someone like Gi-hun, with his boyish smile and his dark curly hair and his gentle touches with even gentler words. Someone like him who made you feel as if the world wasn’t something to shy away from. Someone like him, whose eyes lit up whenever you were at his side. Someone worth going through the everythings with.

Even then, in the heavy absence of the other players who hadn’t gotten to make it as far as you had, he made you feel like in that moment everything was okay. There weren’t guards just outside waiting for the call to shoot you down. There weren’t mysterious figures and masked men watching every move and over joyously pitting you against one another. 

There was only him. 

Gi-hun had pulled you so close to his chest that you could feel the heat of him. You listened to the rhythmic beat of his heart and the hum of his soft breaths. You longed for the next chapter- the life outside of this that he swore up and down was within reach. 

Yes, you would both be painstakingly poor, but you’d also be richer than you could ever have imagined. 

There, together, money had become just a mere word.

When you were both escorted to the last game, you couldn’t help the way your nerves seized your heart up in the cage of your chest. Something felt wrong. Off. Difficult to wretch down as every step brought you closer and closer to the giant doors you remembered from the first game you played here. And even though Gi-hun squeezed your hand in his own, you couldn't bring yourself to return the sweet gesture he offered you. 

Sure enough, when the doors pulled open, it was that same field. The little girl statue stood looming in the distance. This time, however, something new caught your eyes. A white pattern on the ground- the unmistakable outline of Squid Game. It took your breath away.

A fight to the death. 

Gi-hun was quick to announce that he’d be drawing from clause 3 to end the games before they had even begun. He said it with confidence, without a single stutter or falter in his voice. Over the days, you’d noticed how much of a backbone he’d grown. You feel the opposite had happened to you, your soul crushing with the weight of the dead and your nerves threatening to choke you up at any given point. If not for Gi-hun you’d surely have crumbled into dust by now. He eyed the square guard as he spoke, demanding for the voting to commence. Once it did, you would both get to go home. 

”Player 456 wishes to stop the game,” He said into his walkie-talkie.

This would all just be a terrible memory behind you. You were ready to leave everything but him behind. 

So imagine the surprise when his request was denied. 

Imagine the dread, the pure and sheer defeat and rotten hopelessness that settled over your faces and into your guts like a pound of lead as the masked man spoke. 

“Your request was denied. The vote may not be held during the finale of the Games.”

Gi-hun, initially was at a loss for words, gaping at the guard with disdain and hatred in his eyes. If looks could kill, that masked man would have dropped dead right before him. You wished he would. 

You sputtered from where you stood, your head spinning faster than you could get a grip on. Those sweet and peaceful days you’d imagined with him shattered into nothing in an instant, the fragments running circles in your heads and taunting you. No mornings with him. No dinners. No drinks. No drafty window, no little shitty home that was rundown but still just perfect because it was yours. 

This couldn’t be happening.

“We won’t fight!” Gi-hun announced with grit teeth. His hands balled into tight fists at his sides. “We’ll just stay right here for as long as it takes!”

Without missing a beat, the masked man raised his hand. It was then you noticed he had some sort of remote, and with a single click, there was a great buzzer that sounded in the distance. Flashing lights gripped both of your attentions- the clock from the first game. In bold, striking letters, you saw the numbers flashing before your eyes. Your heart sank into your belly. 

5:00

Your mind could barely register the guards chatter behind you.

“If a player does not win before the countdown, both players will be eliminated.”

That was the moment the rain had first begun. Heavy droplets tapped away before it began to fall in raging streams. 

While you were busy spinning on your heel and pleading with the masked man to have a single shred of decency, of fucking humanity, Gi-hun’s eyes never left you. Memorizing you. Taking down every last detail before he would lose you. You swatted the guards chest and begged with desperate eyes and trembling hands. It didn’t even phase the man, who merely stood there unbothered. Only when your gaze singled with Gi-hun’s and you could see the way vain was written in those beautiful irises did you finally let your shoulders fall in defeated anguish. 

It was over. 

It was all over.

The timer began to count down.

There was no escaping this. You were both going to die here. 

Die, because there wasn’t a chance in hell you would even so much as raise your hand to that man. Nothing could force it from you- not even the always present threat of death hanging over your head closing in on you like walls. You couldn’t do it. Not to him. 

God, not to him. 

Judging by the way his eyes found yours, far away and crestfallen, you knew he was in the same boat. A sinking, drowning boat rocking in the sea of blood. 

But hey, at least you were in the boat. At least you got to be there together. Bearing the suffering and loss wrapped within the gift that was getting the blessing to know, and to love, Gi-hun.

An agonizing fate laid before the two of you, but you’d both accepted defeat before the game had even had a chance to begin. Your lives were laid down and bared, ready to go, only if together. The thought of him dying here struck you worse than your own untimely demise. He had a daughter he longed to see, a mother he wanted to take care of. You had nothing back home. No family. Not even a damn cat. And he was still willing to throw it all away for you. 

A part of you wishes you had brought the knife provided to you at your final supper. You could have plunged it into your neck by now, bled out and died content knowing that Gi-hun would get to continue life anew without the incessant burden of money. He could visit his daughter in America, he could go anywhere he pleased. He could pay for his mothers surgery and see out his days in the utmost comfort. He could leave this all behind.

Your friends wouldn’t have met their demise in vain.

But, you hadn’t brought it.

And neither had he. 

After your meals, when you’d both realized that there was a high chance the final game being a fight to the death, you left those knives abandoned at the table. A pre-refusal to fight. You didn’t give a damn about winning anymore. The prize had become nonexistent. Gone- fucking useless. Nothing more but fucking numbers- nothing compared to the sheer weight of his life. You’d gone through so much, swore up and down that it’d be you at that finish line and you’d go home with your head held high and proud for all to see. To prove to the fuckers back home that you were not the worthless, mooching brat they’d all made you out to be. 

The brat you'd turned yourself into.

Now, you would have given anything to go home with empty pockets and Gi-hun at your side. You truly had thought you would, too. 

All washed down the drain in the blink of an eye. 

You were a damn fool to ever think you could get out together. Of course this would be the end. Of fucking course. Either a final fight between found lovers, a spectacularly brutal scene indeed, or a quiet doom that would reach you within 4 minutes. 

So, you chose to wait. To let death come and find you wherever you may be. 

And it was an easy choice, especially so as he stood there watching you with those eyes. Because compared to him… Nothing else mattered. Absolutely nothing.

He called your name over the now deafening beat of rain. 

“I can’t-...” He’s struggling to speak, his lower lip quivers. It rips you to shreds. “I can’t hurt you.”

A response dies in your throat, caught by the lump you’re struggling to swallow down. You force it out regardless. “I know.”

His eyes fall. The weight of your fallen friends is unimaginably heavy on your shoulders. They’d all died, some so that you could be where you are now. And for what. To watch you throw in the towel from beyond the beyonds all because you found yourself in love with your competitor. To watch you throw it all away at the finish line because you loved him more than yourself.  

The clock ticks down. This is how you both die. When it reaches zero, shortly now, it would tick away at its last second and you would both be put down like miserable dogs. Really, the only comfort you could draw into yourself was thinking how you would find him in the afterlife. Drawn to him so intensely that you wouldn't be able to stay away even if you wanted to. Even if you tried. 

But that wasn't for another three minutes and thirty seconds. Until then, you wanted- no, needed to be near him. If this was truly the end, if you were to die, it would surely have to be in his arms. Your eternal resting place. 

He opens his mouth to speak, probably something so heart wrenchingly horrible that it would shatter you to pieces, but you stop him with a shaky, sad invitation.

“Could I have a second dance.”

Initially Gi-hun is stunned into silence. But then, that shocked expression melts away into a smile dripping in melancholy.  Downturned eyes. He tries to be happy for you but you can see it. The beautiful upturn to his lips that doesn’t quite reach his beautiful eyes. He reaches his hand out and beckons you. 

You all but throw yourself at him. 

Gi-hun grasps your hand gently, you move to him like a moth to flame. His fingers are soaked, yours are too, droplets racing down your wrist as he raises your knuckles to his lips and plants a chaste kiss right over bruises. So sweet, if not for the loaded gun mere feet away itching to toss led through your skin. Sweet if not for the whimpered cry that tears itself from your chapped lips when he brings his other hand up to graze the pads of his fingers down the curves of your face. Over your cheek bones, brushing sopping wet hair from your eyes. Your heart hurts- it aches. You feel like you’re being held up by strings, knees threatening to buckle at any moment now. 

Everything was all too much. It was too heartbreaking. Too bittersweet. Too intimate to display in front of whatever bastards were watching out of view. But yet, you sink into him like you’ve done it a hundred times before. It’s instinctual. You wrap your arm around his neck and squeeze his hand with the other. His eyes soften all over again and you feel tears stream down your cheeks. 

That hand gently tracing over your battered and bruised expression finds its way down to your shoulder, then takes its resting place on your hip. No words were needed this time. You’d remembered the dance down to the minute detail. Back, forward. If you weren’t in the final moments of your life, you’d be proud of yourself for being such a quick learner. Left, right.

Or at least praising Gi-hun for being such an excellent teacher. 

You move with him and let him guide you all over again. You feel the most subtle of tugs and then you’re turning with him, the mud beneath your shoes dragging as you go. He sways to a melody in his head, and this time, you can feel it as well. The gentle rhythm of push and pull. It entranced you. Everything faded into the endless sea of nothingness except for him. No games, no extravagant piggy bank overflowing with the spoils of blood money. Not even the square-faced guard’s looming presence just barely close enough to catch the corners of your eyes.

Just Gi-hun. 

It was almost like being there again- that night. You remembered the terror of watching over your friends while they slept, shaking in your shoes carefully to observe every last movement your field of vision allowed you to soak in. Bated breaths, a racing heart despite the silence. You remembered wondering if you would even survive that night after witnessing the sheer brutality of the evening before. You had wondered how ever survived anything at all. 

Gi-hun had pulled you from that haze of terror so effortlessly you didn’t even realize he’d done it until you were giggling and chatting away. There was something about him that you could never understand, something so unique that you couldn’t process yourself. His uncanny ability to make everything around you just… Vanish. And then you’d be at peace again, even for just that short while. Unafraid. Like death wasn’t waiting for you around every turn. 

You’d have given anything to go back to that now. You’d appreciate it more, let him spin you round and round until you were dizzy and drunk in his presence. Listen to him hum a tune that you couldn’t place and talk you to sleep with that tender voice. He was so full of life that it spilled over his cup and ran into yours. 

So full of life, yet so willing to throw it away if it meant you could carry on. Even now, at the end of the line he fought to climb, to make it to the top and to bring home riches for his family, to change the course of his life and finally do good for those who’d helped him along during his troubles, he wouldn’t finish it. Because that meant finishing you. 

And you did the same. Survived to the brink of winning only to discover that there was nothing worth more than this. More than him. 

How could this be the end? 

Haven't you given enough? Haven’t you both suffered enough? 

Were your lives just some long, cruel pranks played by a God with an abhorrent sense of humor? To throw you into the lion's den, to knock you down peg by peg until you believed the only way out was to kill or be killed, to dangle a prize dripping in blood just out of your reach. 

Even worse, to put this perfect man right in your path. An unmoving, unwavering road block that you couldn’t bear to hurdle over. You’d rather die.

And so, you would.

Gi-hun can see the way you start to choke back cries. Your steps are growing sloppy, your fingers are twisting in his shirt. 

“Look at me.” Rain and tears blur your vision, but you do. He sighs a breath of content. “Ah, there you are.”

He did it again- dragged you from the spiraling pits of your racing thoughts. 

The clock reads 1:00 in taunting LEDs. Time is running out- it’s almost up. Only one more minute with him. 

“Gi-hun,” You sniffle. “I can’t-”

He doesn’t let you speak, swiftly cuts off your incoherent cries by outstretching his arm and gently pushing you at the end of his reach. Before you know it, before you can register that your body is seemingly moving all on its own, you’re spinning. The world is a blur of grey and brown, and then you’re pulled right back into his arms.

He lets you shrink into him. Your chest stutters as you fail to hold back your sobs. 

He rests a hand on the back of your head, and lets you weep. Once the tears fall, really fall, they don’t stop. They faucet from your eyes and disappear into his sopping wet clothes in body wracking, chest heaving cries that almost seem to echo. Every noise you make seems to bounce right back into your ears and then you realize that Gi-hun’s crying too. He holds you so tight to him, so fervently that it almost forces the air from your lungs. Gripping onto you like if he lets up you’ll be gone by the time he could even open his eyes. 

You feel it to be true too, your hands gripping tight fists into the fabric of his shirt. You’d seen countless lives crumble to nothing at the drop of a dime- an entire life born, built and then erased in the blink of an eye. How were you ever supposed to let go of him?

By the time he’s just started to settle, you’re still shaking in your shoes, stuck in place and gripping him like a lifeline. He has to damn near pry you back just to get another good look at your face. Even though you’re sure that you’re red faced, snot nosed, and bleary eyed, he breathes out the softest sigh and the corners of his lip’s turn up to form a sullen smile. He tries to comfort you, wipe away at your tears, but between the rain and your incessant crying there isn’t much to be done. You’re babbling like an idiot, racing out anything you can think of. Desperate to fit it all in before it’s over.

Thank you for everything. You are perfect.

You are everything to me.

“I wanna go home,” You wail. “I want us to go home.”

Go-hun holds your face in his hands preciously. He pets his thumbs down your cheeks. Try as he might to comfort you, the timer settles on it’s final 20 seconds. 20 seconds to live. He shakes and presses his lips to your hair and breathes you in for what could be the last time. It hurts- you can’t breathe, you can’t think anymore. There isn’t enough time. It’s slipping through your fingers and you can’t catch it. 

You just want more time. 

“I love you.” 

He’s the first to say it. There’s tears rolling down his face but he still smiles for you. I love you too leaves your lips before you even have a chance to process it yourself. 

There’s an ear piercing buzz that cries over the sound of the thundering rain. 

0:00

No more time.

Gi-hun doesn't let you see anything. He shoves your face into his chest and buries you, surrounds you with himself as if it’ll stop the bullets from ripping through his wiry frame and slicing through you. Footsteps sound from somewhere you can’t place. Your lives are over. You’re going to die. The dirt shifts under the weight of them, stopping merely a foot away. You don’t get to see what’s going on- he refuses to let you face it. But the way his body tenses, his fingers grip into your skin, his breath pauses, tells you all that you need to know. It’s over. 

The guard's voice makes your stomach roll. 

“Player 456, you are eliminated.”

Your eyes shoot up to his. He’s soft. Knowing.

“You did it.” He coo’s. 

Your heart falls into your belly when you look down at your feet, planted right in the center of the white circle. 

He’d danced you right into being the winner. 

“No.” Is all you can think to say. You’re reeling, your mind can’t process it.  

Everything stops. Time. The rain. Everything. 

He touches the side of your face gingerly. Just like he had when your life was escaping you in fleeing droves. Just like when he’d brought you back and held you and pet your hair and told you it was alright, he was there. 

He was there. He was everything you needed.

Everything you had. 

“No.” You grab onto his suit, searching him for something, anything. “I can’t do this without you.”

He’s crying. Heavy tears and his lower lip trembling. “You’re going to be okay.”

”Step aside.” The guard says, and the tip of his gun is pressed to Gi-huns back. ”Or you’ll be shot, too.”

So let it then. Let the bullet find you too. Let you go with him.

“No, no, please, I have nothing.” You’re hands are frantically grasping him, pulling and grabbing and gripping anything it could get. Trying to pull him into yourself, to take him away, to keep him with you. Because you can’t leave this fucking place without him. 

Because there is no life without him. 

The doors of the building rattle open and there’s another guard taking quick steps towards you both. You already know why. 

Gi-hun holds your face, tries to capture your frenzy, tries to see the you in you one last time and take the image of you with him to the next life. 

“Please,” You’re sobbing and holding him, white knuckling the fabric of his suit. 

Don’t take him from me. Don’t take him from me.

There’s hands on your shoulders trying to wrench you away from him but you don’t let up. Your voice is leaving you in cries, your eyes desperately taking in every bit of Gi-hun. 

Don’t take him from me.

Your fingers are pried from him. The soles of your shoes drag lines into the dirt. He watches you, melancholy. The look of a man who’d accepted his life over yours. You beg them to stop. To call a vote.

To take your life over his. 

There is no life without him.

The gun fires. Gi-hun drops to his knees and crumbles onto the ground. There is nothing else.

The guards have to drag you away kicking and screaming. And god, you do. 

You thrash and you fight and you cry his name out and beg him to come back to you. But he’s just fucking laying there and red is running in the streams of the rain and you can’t stop the guard from hoisting you over their shoulder despite the way you punch at their shoulders and arm. They’re taking you from him, they’re taking you away from the only thing that mattered. 

You scream his name until your voice is nothing but a pitiful squeak. The doors are shutting. You see yourself there lying there beside him. You see yourself dead and gone wrapped in him. The ghost of yourself, left behind with the loss of him. 

Empty, empty, empty. 

There is no life without him. The man who’d rewrote your life and taught you that there was sunlight over every valley, love in every corner. The man who chose humanity over greed every single time until you chose to became better for him, just for the chance that he’d keep you around. The man who deserved it all. 

It should have been you. 

You cry his name one last time.

It's all going. It's all slipping away and you can't fight for it back and you can't wrap your head around the fact that he isn't coming home, he isn't finding you, he isn't anything anymore. Not warming your bed or your home and holding you during the storms.

He was going to be gone for the rest of your fucking life. And you, you, you you in your misery would have to live and drag your sorry soul day by meagre day until there was nothing left to run on. There would be nothing without him. You would go home the same angry, bitter, callous wretched mess you were when you'd arrived a week ago.

This time drowning in the waters of loss and guilt.

The guard all but throws you onto the floor and you shatter before them in tears and wails. The doors are almost closed- you'll never see him again. This was the end.

A winner of riches. A loser in everything else. So much to have lost for such a pointless, pointless gain.

You wished you had died with him. You wished you had died right there at his side, tucked into his arms. Now you're going to miss him for the rest of your life. Chase him in the colors of the sky, hear him in the whispering breezes, always just barely out of touch. You'd see him in the pouring rain and feel the ghost of his arms wrapped around you your fitful sleep.

The echoes of your cries would haunt every hallway, every room of that building long after they'd peeled you from the floor and sent you back to wherever the fuck you came from. All alone.

A hefty bank account. Nothing worthy to spend it on.

Your bed would never feel full enough again. Your heart would never mend. You would never stop longing for him. Searching for him, searching for the parts of yourself lying deceased and melting away in blood and rain beside him.

You should have died there with him.

You did die there with him.

The rain stops just as the doors slam shut.

[formulapookie]

I would love some marc/bez and rosquez fic recs if you have time < 3

YEAHHHHHHHH

I love doing thisss

so

marcmarc: I'd definitely check out

@anitalianfrie (on Ao3) it's a oneshot, straight up smut and it's reaaally good, not long but a really good read @yamahussy wrote a three parts fic that got me first into the ship, I loved it a lot, also more psychological smut? idk how to describe it in these terms, it's Marc messing with Bezz's head in a sexual way @yeastinfectionvale and the domestic marcmarc fics they wrote, really cute if you're feeling less like reading smut and more fluff of those two freaks @hotmessmaxpress wrote a fluffy piece about them and also a REALLY GOOD smut which is a threesome between Vale Marc and Bezz @boxboxluckybird and their amazingly cute crow!Bezz fic where EBzz collects and gifts trinkets to the ones he loves, including Marc and Marc...well read it and find out :) fluffy and reallyyyyyyyy cute, a bit angsy because BEzz doesn't believe in himself/is scared of Vale's opinion @vanillow WHAT CAN I SAY EXCEPT PERFECTION MADE FIC AUTHOR her turbulent -> smut, angst, fluff, it has everything you can possibly need or desire, hints to rosquez too, the scars Vale left on Marc and how Bezz tries to heal them somehow and the devil electric (there's a pt.2 too, this one's smut) they are OHHHH SO GOOD she's my personal favourite :) @montemei and their beautiful fic where the academy boys + Vale and Alex find out about Marcmarc is aaaaaaaa amazing it has both fluff and smut, the ending is OH SO GOOD

I would also say my fic but it's on hold for now so if you'd like to check it out be aware it didn't end it's just I've not been in the right mood to continue it

rosquez: oh god it's going to be long 😭

@vanillow ONCE AGAIN SHE'S AMAZING her reconciliation (for now just angst) and amnesia (ANGST AND FLUFF AND EXTERNAL POVS TOO IS AMAZING) AUs are amazingly written, also the cyborg! and the VR46!Marc AUs (still haven't read the last two but I swear I will) @yeastinfectionvale THE GENDERBENT ONE IS MY FAVVVVVV and also love this one fluff right here :) @anitalianfrie and her reconciliation fic that made me smile like a thousand times, it's rosquez reconciliation seen through tumblr eyes @sammyche oooooo not only her asks are amazing and her answers better, she wrote this smutshot here that I personally read like five times already, plus a really good WAG!Marc (seriously check out the asks and her answers you'll get lost into a ton of possibilities) @thesunthemoonthestarstheearth oh god THEIR TALENTTTTTT personal favourite is forever seeking ; forever binding it's angst, DEEP AND CRUEL ANGST but it's worth every tear (you WILL cry) also the fluffy one shot and the smut one :) they wrote other fics and they're all in their bio (I'd want to out them all but it's currently 1.30 am and I've got work tomorrow, but CHECK THEM OUT) @hotmessmaxpress HORROR AU HORROR AU HORROR AU -> angst and fluff, a beautiful introspection into Marc's mind, all of its parts, amazing showstopping spectacular ANDDDD their OnlyFans! AU smut and fluff, really beautiful and the cameo of my flop babies Bezz and Celin @moonshynecybin is a wonder with words, I love her fics, can't find the tags fo rall of them but go check out her blog!! @ray935sworld wrote a cute academy boys de-ageing fic where Vale and MArc are together and act like parents, beautifulll fluff @october3811 also wrote very intersting fics (Iswear I'd tag all of them but I'm tiredddd) @lastlatebraker and all her ficss

once again I surely forgot someone (sorry) I am just tired will cehck tomorrow moring and add those I forgot <33

as before I'd love for you to check out my rosquez fics too, they're all tagged in my pinned post, but no pressure, enjoy those I spoke about above first <333

[makismei]

❝ INVISIBLE STRING

♡ gn!reader x fushiguro toji

cw: established relationships, fluff fluff fluff!, piano playing reader, toji is annoying but you love him anyway, HE IS LOVESICK ! I BELIEVE HE IS A MAN WHO LOVES VERY DEEPLY FIGHT WITH THE WALL IF YOU DISAGREE

synopsis: he thinks he was always meant to find you

wc: 600+

notes from mei!

had fun with this one <333 it's been a min since i've written smth im so happy to be here rn! <3

you feel him nudge the keyboard. you understand that playing on the bed isn't ideal, but your stool broke and you don't have the energy to fix it.

so you're here, taking up a good chunk of the bed, leg dangling over the side so you can use the pedal.

"babe, stop." you sigh, rolling your eyes as you restart the same bar for the third time. adjusting your headphones, you mess around with the headphone cord that is way too short, trying to put it in a spot that doesn't interrupt your playing.

"just take the damn headphones off, lady." you hear, although it's slightly muffled and the sound of the keys drown him out.

you suck in a breath, trying to maintain the rhythm. "can't."

a hand slithers its way to the power button and you can see his shit-eating grin. "toji."

he puts his hands up, grin widening when he sees you pull your hands from the keyboard, sliding your headphones off. "m'not doing anything, baby."

"seriously though, babe," you can't see it because your sheet music is covering it, but you know he's fidgeting with the headphone plug. "why d'ya need this?"

"so i can't hear you." you deadpan.

toji rolls his eyes. you sigh.

"i don't want you to hear it when it sounds bad." you say, sliding your headphones back on. "you can hear it when it's finished and memorized."

you continue on and all he hears are the plastic keys clacking, he watches your eyebrows furrow and your eyes move across the page.

eventually, a hand lifts to flip the page as the other continues dancing across the keys, and he thinks that he could do it for you if only he could hear what you're playing, it can't be that hard to flip a page.

but he watches, silently, because if he listens hard enough he can hear the music bleeding from your headphones. he can also hear the sound of you pressing the pedal too hard and your quiet breathing.

he thinks you're beautiful. he also thinks your playing is perfect.

every time he looks at you he thinks that everything he endured was worth it, because the further he traveled down that dark tunnel, the more he went wild and lost himself in bloodlust and greed, he found you.

he's still not sure how you both ended up in the same place at the same time, but he thinks it was fate and toji never believed in "outrageous shit like that," until he met you—his darling angel that he'd do anything for.

and now he's here—in your apartment that's too posh and neat for a rugged man like him, in a room with an open window, sunlight painting the white walls and he can hear children laughing—breathing in your scent and engraving your image into his memory because he absolutely can't and will never forget you.

toji likes to lie and says that he's a changed man now that he's met you. but he's still the same, rough edged, foul-mouth bastard and he knows it when he sees the pained look on your face when he's gone too far, listening to you cry and hating that he's on the other side of the door instead of being there next to you.

(he ends up there anyway, because he'd never want you to believe his words when he gets mad, cursing himself for not biting his tongue sooner).

but he knows, where he is right now is where he was always meant to be.

he can feel it and he wonders if he's going insane.

but he meets your gaze when you look up from your keyboard, a bashful smile slowly stretching on your lips and he couldn't care less if he was going crazy.

❝ and isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?

[tieronecrush]

꒰ა ONLY ANGEL ໒꒱

javier peña x f!reader

chapter five: hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect

series masterlist

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

summary: After his return to the US, Javier is trying to settle back into a normal life without the pressures of Colombia and the DEA, but he finds himself feeling isolated with no one to spend his nights with. Now a newly appointed criminology professor at Texas A&M, he is drawn to you, a post-grad student in one of his classes. You’re intelligent and witty, sweet and kind, and he can’t get you out of his mind. To cope with his growing loneliness and to rid himself of thoughts of you, he signs up for an “arrangement service” to connect him with somebody—a sugar baby—he can care for. After he is matched up with Angel, he finds himself developing feelings quicker than he ever expected, but what happens when he finds out Angel is really you?

series warnings: power imbalance (prof and student), sugar daddy/sugar baby relationship, discussion of money, criminal activity, judicial systems, graduate school, smut, daddy/papí kink, praise kink, degradation, self deprecation, discussion of self worth, multiple sexual or romantic partners, sex work, cursing, use of spanish, likely more warning so read at your own risk!

word count: 6.8k

a/n: SURPRISE! got my life together and got the chapter done for y'all <333 also thank you for always validating me and loving these two as much as me <3 you are stuck beta-reading for me forever hehe @northernbluess

“Christ, Bebita, that one is as good as the last one and the one before that and the one before that. I can’t pick, you look too damn good in all of ‘em.” Javier traces his bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, reaching a hand up to swipe his thumb at the corner of his open mouth and sniffling on an inhale. Expansive, strong torso and broad, steady shoulders trail down to his legs that stretch out from the small square stool in the corner of the dressing room you’ve been occupying for at least twenty minutes.

His gentle toffee eyes study your form in the earthy olive-toned cocktail dress; the silky material hugs your curves while you twist in view of the mirror, the hemline hitting mid-calf and a halter top covering your chest modestly while leaving your shoulders and back bare. There’s delicate glass beading embroidered into floral and leafy patterns along the bodice, reflecting the lights. You can imagine the way it will look in the low light, swanky library party with enough champagne passed around for all of the academics to let loose. It’s a bit of a stretch for appropriate for the department event, but with the burning of Javier’s eyes into your skin, you know that this one is doing something a bit more than the last five dresses. Sighing with resignation, you drop your hands from where they are mapping over the intricate beading. Your bottom lip releases from between your teeth and you take a step closer to Javi, chuckling softly when his hands involuntarily reach for your hips to pull you between his open legs.

“That isn’t helpful feedback, Javier. I need some concrete decisions to be made. You’re in charge of my dress unless you can’t handle it cause then I’ll—”

“Oh, no. No, no, no. This one, I choose this one,” he muffles his voice when he leans forward to press kisses against the skin of your forearms, toying with your fingers and intertwining them with his when his large hands find your smaller ones. “You’re beautiful in everythin’, Bebita, any of these dresses, or even a paper bag, and you’re fucking stunning. But I can tell you liked this one most.”

Javier lifts his head to meet your eyes, one side of his mouth ticking up in a smile — satisfied, content, proud that he knows you so well to be able to read you like that.

It’s simultaneously making your heart beat faster, your stomach drops to the floor, and your palms grow sweaty. He’s so much more to you, but you’re too cowardly to admit it to him. Javier is…everything you’ve hoped for, but has come at the worst time.

It’s a job. That’s all. He has to be, or else you’re screwed if you say ‘fuck it’ and drop all of your other clients and give Javier your heart. There’s no way that you could continue living in your apartment and attending school; you would probably have to go back to working full-time until you could break your lease and find somewhere cheaper or move home and transfer your credits.

“Y’alright there, angel? Lookin’ a little flushed.” Javier’s brows knit with concern until you brush them away, thumb lightly rubbing the fold in his skin to relax it.

“M’alright, Javi. Think it’s time to quit the try-on portion of the day.” Hands reach back to find the zipper, Javier jumps up quickly and walks you back a few inches to have the room to slip behind you and take over the task.

“Guess it’s the take-off portion? Lemme do it for you, gonna need the practice of gettin’ this off when I take you home Friday night.” Through the reflection, he catches your eye and smirks boyishly, dragging the zipper down your lower back and folding forward to press ghosting kisses to your smooth skin. “Mm, so soft, angel. Smell so sweet.”

His voice drops lower, rasp biting out on the upticks of his speaking, “D’you know what watchin’ you in all these pretty dresses has done to me?”

A sigh escapes your lips, shaking your head languidly, rolling it on your shoulders, “No…Wh-what did it do?”

Without a word, Javier unclasps the halter of your dress, dropping the material to fall to your ankles. In the midst of you stepping out of the circle of fabric, he grips your hips tightly and tugs you back to his chest. Then you feel it, when your back arches and your lower half presses backward, the bulge of his hard cock prodding into the swell of your ass.

“Javi—”

“Nuh uh, Bebita. No Javi.” His lips are at the pressure point under your ear, your eyes fluttering closed while one hand snakes back to tangle into his hair. Grinding back against him, you lick your lips and whimper when a hand of his reaches around your front and slips between your legs to brush your clit.

“Papí…Fuck, papí…Need you.”

“Manners, Bebita. Or else you’re just gonna get on your knees and take care of me. Ask nicely and I’ll help both of us.”

“Please, papí, may I please have it?”

“Have what, angel?”

“Your c—cock,” you whimper out, the tail of the word trembling out when Javier’s fingers hook under the center of your panties and tease at your dripping entrance.

“There’s my good girl. How could I say no to you bein’ so sweet for me? Think I need to get you ready before I give you my cock, though, Bebita.”

With a sigh, your mouth opens and you reach one hand to grip Javi’s forearm wrapped around you, your other arm stretching out to press your palm against the full length mirror. A dark chuckle slips out of Javi, two thick fingers pushing into your tight walls. In an immediate reaction, a whimper squeezes out of your throat in a yelp. Knuckle deep in your cunt, Javi hooks his fingers to nudge at the spongy spot, extra sensitive. The sensation buckles your knees, Javi catching you with his thigh between yours and his arm flexing tighter around you, tugging you back up while his hand moves faster. Your teeth catch your bottom lip, biting down to silence the noises threatening to expose your activity.

His lips line up against the shell of your ear, brushing lightly against your skin and sending goosebumps across your neck and shoulders, “Bet you’re dying to give me those little noises of yours, angel. How ‘bout just one ‘papí’, Bebita? Jus’ one for me, and I’ll let you come.”

The heel of Javier’s hand rubs the cotton fabric of your panties against your clit, the friction feeling delicious and sending tingles across your nerves to curl your toes. Your head shakes back and forth subtly, enough to be perceptable to the man behind you. The speed of his fingers slows to a stop, pulling out to sit shallowly inside of you without leaving completely. Metallic taste hits your tongue, part of your lip broken from how hard you’ve been biting it to keep everything inside.

“Is that a no, angel? Gonna say no to my lil request?” He questions you, a rough squeeze grips one of your ass cheeks, opening your eyes to meet Javi’s in the reflection, “Answer me.”

An audible swallow slides down your throat before you open your mouth again, bottom lip swollen with it’s split, “I don’t wanna get caught, Javi—”

The last syllable raises in pitch when he sinks his fingers into you fully, a third added effortlessly. They still inside of you, stretching you divinely, but there’s a craving, a fullness that feels like a burning need in the pit of your stomach. You see the game he’s playing, the upper hand he loves to have with you that you give away willingly. With a bend of his fingers, that same spot is getting its desired attention and sending your logic spiraling.

Fuck it. Javier can get an old sheriff buddy to bail you both out if you get arrested.

Reaching one arm behind you, your left still pressed against the mirror for support, your fingers tangle into his hair and tug his head over your shoulder more. Javier rolls a low groan from his throat, the sound ringing in your ear. You turn your head to face him, nose nudging against his while fingers continue to work you up, teetering you on the edge. Open mouths pass warm breaths back and forth, Javier chasing your lips and skin with his, desperate to feel his mouth on yours.

The tightness around his fingers drives his circulation below the waist, straining against the fabric of his slacks. Grinding against your ass as he fucks you with his hand, all he has on his mind is feeling you convulse under his touch, driven so far over that you can’t stand up.

His teeth scrape against the skin at your jaw, a smirk growing subtly on your face — it’s his telltale sign of the height of his desperation.

Leaning your head back further, your lips are much closer to his ear; when the speed of his fingers increases, your own grip his hair tighter and moan, the sound soft and airy but coated in lust.

It’s a spark in his mind, sliding his left hand resting on your right hip across your lower stomach and down your thigh, grabbing it from around the inside and lifting it up. The position change allows his fingers to reach deeper, your head pressing hard back into his chest.

“Oh, fuck yes—“ The noises you want to make die in your throat, mouth hanging open as Javi chuckles darkly against your cheek.

“Say it, baby, tell me what you’re thinking and I’ll let you come. I’ll give you what you really want. Gonna fuck you full of me, Bebita. Isn’t that what you’re aching for?” His words hold you at the edge, toes curled against the wooden floor of the fitting room while your head rolls to the side against him.

Recovering from your dry mouth, you conjure up the first thoughts that pop into your head, the image of him fucking you and the closeness of your release projecting the words from your chest, “Papí, papí — oh my god! Always know how to make me feel so, so good, Papí…God, even your fingers make me f-feel so full. M’gonna—fuck, gonna come, please.”

“Good girl, such a good girl for me. Mi zorrita buena, acaba para mí. Come for me, Bebita.”

Your wall tightens around his three thick fingers, the sound of you moaning catching in your throat as you attempt to hold back. It comes out in a higher pitch, struggling but heard by Javier whose head is still on your shoulder. He’s mumbling to you, kissing the corner of your jaw while his hand comes to a slow stop to guide you through your orgasm. When he pulls his fingers out, he brings them to his mouth, sucking them clean while you look behind at him.

A satisfied smirk takes the place of his hand when he pulls them out with a pop, reaching out for you and pulling you back against his chest with a stumble. A delicate kiss is pressed to your bare skin at your back, a shiver running down your spine while one of Javi’s hands finds the swell of your ass and squeezes.

“You want my cock now, Bebita? Bet you do. Want everyone in this fucking store to know you’re mine, right? Want them to hear those sounds that you just can’t hold back, want them to hear you calling me papí, don’t you?” Your eyes flutter shut, mouth falling open as any sort of response flees your mind. Javier stands up straight behind you, quietly fumbling with his belt, the sounds of metal piquing your attention. His button and the drag of his zipper follow shortly, the soft noises of him barely undressing stirring up your stomach.

Between your legs, you feel a rush of arousal when his sigh hits your ears, the same one he always makes when you take his cock out of his pants. Saliva coats your mouth in eager awaiting, shallow breaths attempting to fill your lungs.

Javier surveys you, licking his lips as his hand passes down your spine, gently pressing your forward until both arms catch your weight against the mirror. He traces the new arch in your back before his hand finds your panties, not bothering to take them off again, but pausing for a split second to admire the wet spot you made. His mouth hangs open slightly, bated breath heightening the temperature of the small room. The sight of your cunt dripping for him dries his mouth out, eager to have another taste, but ultimately prioritizing his needs and the higher risk of being caught the more time passes.

Lining his head up with your entrance, he thrusts in slowly, allowing you to feel every inch of him filling you. He sighs deeply while reaching for one of your shoulders for leverage, gripping it with his fingers as he starts a shallow thrust.

Meeting your eyes through the reflection, he chokes out a hushed warning, “Fuck, Bebita, m’not gonna last long. Feel too fucking good.”

You moan softly in response, the mirror fogging up with the puff of hot air that leaves your mouth. Javier turns his attention to where you’re connected, mesmerized by the sight of you taking him easily. When his eyes flick back to your face, your own are closed as you make muffled, sweet sounds of pleasure.

“Open up, angel, want you to look at yourself gettin’ fucked. Look in the mirror, Bebita, and see how pretty you look taking my cock, how much you love fucking in public for everyone to hear.” Javier words have you reaching for a grip against the flat surface of the mirror, nodding with a whine as he gives you slightly deeper thrusts. “Tell me how much you love it, Bebita.”

“Fucking lov-love when you give me your cock, Papí. Love it even more knowin’ someone can hear us, that they’re gonna know m’all yours,” you watch Javi’s face contort with attempted restraint, nodding as one hand drifts to grab at your tits, his strong hold pulling you to stand with your back flush to his chest.

The next few thrusts are audible with how hard he fucks into you, mumbles of Spanish and English spoken into your ear, “Una chica tan sucia. Eres perfecto para mí…(Such a dirty girl. You’re perfect for me…) Wanna jus’ take care of you, Bebita — my babygirl. You’re a good girl, angel. So fucking good. Te sientes bien, como un nuevo comienzo. Mi nuevo comienzo. (You feel good, like a fresh start. My fresh start.) S’like you’re my angel, Bebita. Mine.”

At the last word uttered, Javier moans into your ear, the sound clipping into a hiss as his warm spend fills you up. Your chest is heaving from the exertion of it all, skin burning with those ramblings from Javier.

He’s made it clear how he feels, short of three words.

At the thought, a sharp pain in your chest seizes your lungs, choking out a cough while Javi pulls out of you and fixes your panties. A hand pets your hair, his lips pressing into the crown of your head from behind.

“You alright, Bebita? M’sorry I didn’t last long there. All this shopping got me worked up, I guess. You feel good though? Satisfied, mi Bebita?” He accepts the answer of your nod and softened smile through the mirror, planting one more kiss on your cheek before he unravels from you and gets fully dressed again. “I’ll take the dress up front to pay while you get dressed, okay angel? Then we can go wherever else you wanna go.”

Taking in his affectionate expression, softened brown eyes and one side of his mouth quirked up in a Javi smile, you feel the same pain in your chest, the words of a confession tingling the tip of your tongue. Instead you swallow it back and match his smile, taking the two steps over to him and pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

“So shoes next then?” Javi’s nose nudges against yours before his head tilts back with a slightly defeated laugh.

“Anything you want, Bebita. Told you m’gonna take care of you.”

This time you physically bite your tongue to hold back, wrapping him up in a fleeting, squeezing hug.

“Thank you, Javi.” 

Hearing yourself back, you can’t tell if it was meant as permission to let yourself fall, those three words serving as placeholders, or if it was a last ditch effort to sever your feelings for him.

Either way, you still knew you were in trouble.

The flute in your hand is cool to the touch when you pick it up from the entry table in the old university church that was converted into an events space. The gothic details of its once lived purpose catch your attention as you look around, dark, carved wooden fixtures and slate gray stone walls. The carpet is dated, an aged beige that spans most of the room that is filled with people from across the Psychology and Sociology department; large leaded windows line the interior, framed by heavy curtains in burnt orange.

There’s a bar at either end of the room, a handful of high top cocktail tables littered around. Your eyes continue to scan, this time focusing on all of the attendees. Peers, former and current professors, administration, and donors all mingle with each other — there’s a few familiar faces that you send a smile to, continuing your exploration for the one face you’re actually looking for.

Your nerves are tingling like the bubbles popping in your glass, bringing the fragile rim up to your lips for a long sip. Relaxing your shoulders, the first drink of alcohol sitting warm in your stomach. Before you put on a brave face and step forward to go mill about, a low rasp from close behind catches your attention.

“I’ve got some pretty taste in dresses, huh Bebita?”

Javier’s voice sends goosebumps down your spine and across your shoulders; you fight a smile, the corners of your lips turning up slightly as he steps up beside you. After eyeing the glass of whiskey in his hand, your stare grazes along his body.

He’s wearing a gray suit, crisp white button down underneath his open blazer. Your smile grows when you see his olive tie, patterned with stitch-thin white pinstripes. Immediately, your eyes flick up to his face, a knowing smirk and a wink shot your way.

“Nice to see you, Professor Peña,” you say courteously, bringing your glass up to your lips for another sip.

“Having a nice night so far?” he counters, turning his body to face you, closing you off to the rest of the room and filling your view with only his frame. “Lookin’ beautiful tonight, angel. All this for chatting shit with professors.”

“I wear a lot less to chat shit with one of my professors.” You send him back a wink, smirk growing as you hold it back while he laughs and sip at your drink.

“Got me there. But we both know m’not just one of your professors, Bebita.” His fingers grip at his glass of whiskey tighter, lifting it to his mouth before he rasps out, only loud enough for you to hear. “Can’t wait to get you home, gonna rip that fucking dress off of you.”

The words send a rush of warmth down your body, clenching your thighs together where you stand. Javi’s hand grazes your side as he lifts his drink to yours, clicking them together. 

“Cheers, Bebita. Gonna be a long night not bein’ able to have my hands on you, but jus’ want you to know I won’t be thinking about anything other than you.” The heat spreads to the back of your neck, your own hand reaching out to brush your fingers against his in a fleeting touch.

“You better go mingle, angel. Go let everyone know that you’re the smartest person in the room,” he whispers to you with a lopsided grin, moving to stand at your side once again.

You shake your head and roll your eyes playfully, swatting a hand at his affection, the smile you’ve been fighting finally lighting up your eyes.

“See you later, Javi. Meet at your truck later?”

“I’ll be there for you, Bebita.”

The room’s temperature has to have risen a few degrees from all the hot air that these academic stuck-ups have been blowing all night. It’s all bullshit, what he finds himself listening to — no one has any experience in the field like he has, most of them lawyers who barely see the inside of a courtroom these days.

As he takes a sip of his second whiskey of the night, his eyes find you across the room. Standing at a table with a small group around it, your back is to him with your face cheated to the side so he can make out your profile. Drinking you in, he notices the body language you’re displaying. Leaning onto the table toward the man next to you, curling yourself in to make yourself smaller, meeker. Your eyelashes are batting, slow blinks that he pictures you doing when he’s between your legs, the image in his mind and the thought of you doing that for someone else kindling a flame of jealousy inside of him.

He studies you two having a conversation, clenching his jaw tighter with every laugh and beaming smile you give to the man.

The guy next to you is dressed similarly to Javier, a navy suit with crisp white shirt, but no tie around his neck — he’s one of those. Must be one of the rich donors based on the crispness of his suit, the starched button-up giving Javier the clue that he regularly gets them serviced at the dry cleaners. He’s clearly older than Javier, gray hair speckled with whites and a few more lines across his face than what Javier has, despite the extreme stress of the last near decade of his life.

You must be keeping him young.

His eyes stay glued to the two of you, the kindling ashes catching into hotter flames when your hand rests on the man’s bicep. This scumbag’s own hand slips around your back, trailing down to the hem that sits in the middle of your back. The twitch of his fingers moving further south propels Javier into action, excusing himself from the small circle he’s standing in to make his way over to you.

He controls his speed, wanting to rush over and clock the man in the face for touching you, for taking advantage of you being a student at the mercy of his generosity.

Instead, he clenches his fist and downs the last of his alcohol, slamming the glass onto a table that he passes by in his path to you.

Saddling up behind the two of you, he smacks on his best charming smile as he clears his throat to interrupt. The man’s hand drops from you, and yours from him, both stepping backward from each other and facing his interruption.

“Evening,” he begins, using your name as he greets you. In your eyes, he can see the widening of them, as if you’re surprised — no, as if you’ve been caught?

Caught for what?

He presses on, desperate to get you away from this creep and into some place where he can hold you. Somewhere private, alone, secluded for the two of you.

“I don’t think we’ve met before, my name’s Javier Peña. Professor in the Sociology department.” Javier reaches out his right hand to the man, his left flicking his open jacket back and resting on his hip as he pops his leg out.

The man shakes his hand as his eyebrows raise, nodding, “Mark Shepherd. It’s great to meet you, Professor Peña. Or is it still Agent?” Mark attempts a light jest, laughing until he sees Javier isn’t.

“Professor’s just fine. Turned in my badge when I retired.” A look over at you and he can see guilt all over your face.

Guilt.

Flirty body language.

Laughing at jokes that couldn’t have been funny — this man is as dry as the desert.

You’re fucking him.

“How’re liking the university so far? Enjoying the new building? Hopefully my donation was large enough to get you your own office — I was talking to Dean Banks just a few minutes ago and he brought up how you’re the Big Man on Campus…”

Javier tunes out the rest of what Mark is saying, a full blossoming of his temper boiling him from the inside. He keeps his eyes on you, your own avoiding him while you look around the room.

Why did you lie to him? This whole time he was telling you that it’s only you for him; how could you sit there and hear that and feel all the devotion he has for you — all of the care he’s given you, and not tell him the truth?

He thought it was only him. That you were his, that there was something more growing out of this. He was in so deep, he was starting to forget the circumstances that brought you two together, starting to ignore the balance changes in his account monthly.

Fuck, he was wrong about you.

Interrupting Mark, Javier turns back to him with the same friendly smile, telling him you’re his student in one of his courses, “I’m so sorry, buddy, but do you think I could steal her away for a few minutes? There’s someone I wanted her to meet that I mentioned in a lecture last week.”

Your face contorts with confusion as Mark gestures for the two of you to head off, Javier leading you from behind to weave in and out of the groups in the room all the way to an exit into the corridor. When the doors shut behind him, he takes one look at you before he storms off in the direction of the doors to the small patio attached to the building.

“Fuck me. This is not how I wanted this night to go...” you mumble to yourself, feeling your emotion catch in your throat — a similar feeling to being caught in your mess of lies and omitted information only moments ago.

You were caught out by the last person you wanted to find out that way — the one person who’s feelings you would work to protect everyday, which is why you lied in the first place.

Craving his touch, his arms wrapping you in his strong, solid embrace, you follow after him, hope beating in your chest as you formulate the best possible explanation of it all.

Outside, the winter is biting into the weather, a chill breeze blowing the tendrils of Javier’s hair up while he fishes a cigarette from the box in his inside jacket pocket. The same wind is blowing out the flame of his lighter as he attempts to light the small vice in his mouth that will allow him a moment of peace, a moment to think.

“Goddammit,” Javier curses under his breath as he struggles to click his lighter on, the cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth. He sighs defeatedly, kicking his shoes against the brick when he hears the creak of the heavy door. Turning over his shoulder, he’s met with the view of you, purse hanging over one shoulder and heels clicking slowly as you approach him.

Without a word, you reach into your purse at your side, fishing out an aged silver Zippo lighter. Your arm outstretched, lifting it to pass it over to him. He takes it from you, your fingers brushing with the lick of a flame. Between his fingers, he can make out faded engravings in the shape of angel wings. His thumb runs over the design, chest constricting with pain before he flicks the lighter open and holds the flame to the end of his cigarette. A long drag relaxes that pain, attempting and failing at calming his still racing heartbeat.

“Javier, I can explain—” you start, but he lifts his hand with the ashing smoke in it, shaking his head as he blows the fumes away from you.

“You don’t have to. I fully understand that while I’ve been completely focused, devoted, loyal to you, you’ve been off with another man. And couldn’t even have the balls to tell me. Every time I asked you out, and you said you were busy, was it him?” He paces for a few strides before leaning against the brick barrier of the stone patio, eyes boring into yours.

“No. No it wasn’t. Sometimes I really was just busy, with my friends or with school. But yeah, I can’t lie now and say that there weren’t times I made up an excuse or avoided telling you a reason I couldn’t see you…” Your weight shifts on your feet, the points of your stiletto heels scraping against the slate. “There—there’s a couple others besides him.”

Javier’s eyes widen, a crackling inhale of his cigarette pulling smoke into his lungs before he speaks again, “A couple? How many other people are you seeing?”

His voice has a sharp edge to it, patience wearing thin while jealousy and embarrassment root in his stomach. Your face cringes at the harshness of him speaking, intertwining your fingers together and squeezing hard.

“I have three clients besides you. Most of them have been for a few months longer than when I started seeing you…” Your throat clears and your shoulders roll forward, shrinking your usual confidence around him. “I thought you would have…I don’t know I thought you would have known what this was like for me. It’s my job, Javi. With those other guys, it’s still just my job and when I see them, it genuinely feels like work. But—”

He cuts you off again, kicking off the wall and starting his pacing again. “But what, angel? You just told me everything I needed to know. I’m a job to you, just work. That’s fine, we can draw that line here and now. I won’t do anything more for you unless you ask, treat me like everyone else. But forgive me for thinking there was something else there with us.”

Venom in his words hits you with a punch to your gut, this side of Javier one you haven’t been privy to. He’s cold where he normally holds his warmth toward you — his eyes, his dimple, the flex of his arms when he holds you, withdrawn from his normal attachment to you, always a hand kept on you when you’re together and a tab kept on you when you’re apart, stiff where he’s normally malleable, forming to your opposite, complimenting you completely.  

This feels like the Javier you would have met a year ago in Colombia, guard up and emotions naught.

Anger blooms in his chest, feeling his insides turn a dark, dampened forest green with envy. Flicking the burnt out cigarette to the ground, he stomps it before walking away from you, cold shoulder freezing you out while he heads back inside.

You were supposed to be his. His Bebita, his angel. He doesn’t own you, no, but he wanted to feel chosen by you. And all of this, the fact that this whole time there have been other people that you see the same as him, he knows he was never the only choice.

“Javier, stop—” you plead with him while your arm grabs his bicep, his step faltering for a moment before he recovers and removes his arm from your grip. In the low light from the warm, yellow lamps at all corners of the patio, he can see the glistening veil over your eyes. The corners of your mouth are downturned, the bottom lip jutting out in that normally irresistible pout.

“Don’t. Don’t pull that shit, you knew what you were doing. I—I think you should get a different ride home tonight.”

Without another breath in your direction, his heavy footsteps carry him inside, leaving you with a chill across your skin that is no match for the iciness of his behavior. A piece of your heart breaking like a crack in a glass, delicately, finely, but one more more and it shatters completely.

He said he was going to be there for you. Yet here he is, leaving you when you want him—need him the most.

Javier strides up to the bar, ordering a double whiskey neat. Once the crystal glass is set in front of him, it’s a blink of an eye before it’s set back down completely empty. His eyes comb the room, a glimpse of you getting caught by a professor, skin burning as jealousy boils inside of him.

Is he one of your clients? Or are you only friendly with him? Was the babysitting story with Professor Quinn bullshit? Were you with him at one point too?

Was anything real with you? Maybe he was naive to assume you were feeling all the same things he was, that this was anything more than a job. The line was blurred for him from the start, infatuation snowballing into something more — he’s in love with you.

And now he knows he’s just a job to you.

Doubt worms its way into his thoughts, anger blossoming at the thought that he was vulnerable, careful, open with you. For the first time in years, he’s let his guard down, fully falling into the comfort of your affections and completely forgetting the way you two were brought together, and now he’s getting burned. All he can remember is the few times before, long before Colombia, when he had the same feeling; tightness in his chest, shallow breathing, sweating at the nape of his neck.

Pressing his palm into his chest to find any type of relief, he feels the rapid beating of his heart. His eyes glue to you, watching your interactions and feeling suddenly desperate for fresh air. Clicks of his dress shoes echo when he finds himself in the marble-tiled lobby, stretching his lungs with every breath with a furrowed brow and thoughts racing in circles.

Muscle memory leads him to his car, folding over and supporting himself with arms outstretched against the hood. Closing his eyes, he focuses on his breath, slowing himself down to deepen them. As he tries to clear his mind of all his doubtful thoughts, the image he conjures is of you, bare under the sheets the morning after that time in your apartment.

Breezy, dawn light coated the side of your face while the two of you talked in whispers, as if any louder would ruin the peace. At one thing he said, he can’t even remember now, you rolled onto your back, the sound of your laughter echoing in his ears as he saw the beaming smile of yours.

That was when it solidified in his mind, his care and affection and desire rolling into the one word that encapsulates it all — love.

The pressure of a hand on his shoulder makes him jump, smudging the image to nothing as he turns to face whoever is interrupting him.

Your eyes meet his, his brow returning to its furrowed state while his eyes round with softness. The sight of him, the emotion painted on his face, tears into your heart, but you tell yourself you have to stand your ground, to tell him all that you couldn’t when he rushed back inside.

“Javi—” your voice trails off when he interrupts you.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Javi clips at you, index finger and thumb pinching the bridge of his nose when you scoff.

“Who died and made you king? You’re not the sole-decider, Javier, and after all the shit you just said to me, I think I deserve a second to speak to you,” your voice is steady despite the emotion crawling up your throat, tears burning in your waterline as you look at him in front of you, “It’s not fair for you to get angry at me. When I’m with those other men, I’m doing my job. It feels like work, and it is for me. I need the money, Javier, or else I’d have to drop out of school and still be responsible for my student loans. I’m doing what I was hired to do, the same thing you signed up for, so I don’t need the shit from you.”

Standing up straight from leaning against his car, he chuckles mockingly and shakes his head before countering, “You know, I thought when I was signing up, I would have someone just for me. Didn’t expect to get someone for everyone.”

The tears burning at your waterline fill your view, blurring him standing in front of you until they start to fall in quick succession. Inside of your throat feels raw, swallowing hard and wiping the streams across your face. Mascara is definitely running down your cheeks, and your nose is sniffling while you press your tongue to the roof of your mouth to keep your sobs at bay.

He doesn’t deserve to see you so hurt. He doesn’t get to know how you really feel about him, not anymore. You made a mistake trusting him, crossing the line, and getting too attached.

Another swallow pops in your ears, mustering as much volume as you can without completely breaking, “I really thought you were different, but I guess not. Now I know what you really think about me.”

You shift your weight in your heels, looking at Javi once more, stoicism on high and the emotion you saw before completely void. Anger is strong across his face, with the brief reprieve of gentle care when a small sob slips out. Turning around to walk back inside and collect yourself, the sound of Javi’s rasp stopping you in your tracks.

Javier hears what he said played back in his head, the sight of your tears constricting his throat. With a dry mouth, he stutters out an attempt to back track, “Wait, wait—I didn’t—Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that, Bebita.”

You flinch, the name that normally sends warmth spreading across your chest now feeling like a dagger in your heart.

Facing him again, you cross your arms over your chest as your temper engulfs your emotion for a moment, spitting your response to Javier’s acrimony. “Don’t call me that,” you snap, eyes stinging as you look at him and watch his face fall from your words. “How did you mean it, Javi? Did you mean for it to have me begging for forgiveness, begging you to accept me even though I’m such used merchandise? Well, newsflash, Javier, but this was my job before you came around and screwed with my head. How can you say that shit when you tell me how much you care?”

He takes one step forward, and you take two back, shaking your head at his advance. His eyes round with softness again, tense brow shifting into a sorrowful one. Mumbling under his breath, he runs a hand through his hair before he looks at you. The need to win, to be right, to be justified in the end has him speaking before thinking yet again, “I didn’t know this is what I was getting into exactly. I thought you were with one person at a time, that all of your experiences were from the past, like, year not the past few weeks. I told you that I was only with you — you had plenty of opportunities to let me know about all the other jobs you’ve been doing. Were you telling them all the same shit? How many have you had over? Or stayed over at their place? Was I really just some fucking job, a shift you scheduled every week?”

“Fuck you, Javier. Fuck you. Forget about this, about me, I’ll tell the company to cancel your payments and refund you. Don’t fucking call me, don’t pull me after class. We’re done.”

Finally turning around again, Javier is silent as he watches you walk away, shoulders slumped forward with your arms crossed. Part of him is begging to go after you, to make it alright, to fix it for you. The other part is keeping his feet planted where he’s at, staunch in his anger toward you, toward the situation.

At the sound of the heavy building door shutting behind you, he runs his palm over his face before sighing deeply and getting into his car. He feels something in his pocket, fishing it out and confronted with the lighter you handed to him. His thumb runs over the engraving again, tracing the worn lines of the angel wings in the metal body of the Zippo.

He’s on his way down, falling from the heaven — the haven — you created for him into the familiar abyss of hell.

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my kofi <3

[glitter-lisp]

I’m not very good at English, so excuse me if this is any hard to read, but I finished reading all of the Juice Box this morning (I pulled an all-nighter on accident XD but it was very worth it) and I wanted to tell you both that your writing is just beautiful. I read a lot of fanfiction and impressed by it but the story you guys made is just amazing, everything about it so much. I was surprised when I see that there are two writers for it because you two did so well at matching each other, it felt so natural and put together so nicely. I loved reading it very much. You are both so talented and I hope you are very proud of it!!! If you don’t mind passing this onto the other writer, Tumblr navigation makes me feel old so I could not find them </3 this was supposed to be a comment for AO3 but my browser was not loading it, so please excuses me invading your ask box, XD. Thank you both for making this story, I know I will think about it often

@eggmuffinwaffles LOOK AT THIS

nonnie this is SO SWEET oml thank you so much, im having such an uncool week and this absolutely made my day <333 im kissing your forehead I hope you have a lovely day

[vaaaaaiolet]

music recs because I’m bored but I don’t title them and they’re a surprise

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

SURPRISE!!!

I FREAKING LOVE YOU PLEASE MARRY ME CLAUDIA.

thank you for taking the time to send me all these are you KIDDING ME omg 😭😭😭 music is my love language

Pomegranate Seeds by Julian Moon: persephone references galore you KNOW I LOVE A GOOD GREEK MYTH. favorite lyric: I get what I want, one way or the other / I'll own your heart and soul, my lover

Roadkill by Solya: i want to lie down on my bedroom floor and curse out my terrible imaginary ex boyfriend to this song in the best way possible favorite lyric: I could never love another / I'll be roadkill tomorrow either way

Becca by the Sukis: I LOVE INDIE ROCK oh my god the guitar riff in this was CANDY to my ears. loveloveloved it <3 and IMMEDIATELY added to my favorites favorite lyric: not a lyric but the bridge between You never felt so sweet near the end <3333

Onanist by Ethel Cain: this is the first song i've listened to off Perverts and i feel like i'm trapped in a warped vinyl record in some far flung reach outside a nuclear exclusion zone. also i learned what onanist means thank you mother cain 🙏 favorite lyric: the instrumental after It feels good and the whispering afterwards oh my gosh i got chills SHE'S IN MY EAR

What You Know by Two Door Cinema Club: I LOVELVOELVOEVLEVO THIS SONG OH MGYOSH this and undercover martyn are very dear to my heart <3333 favorite lyric: And I can't say it's what you know / But you've known it the whole time / Yeah, you've known it the whole time

A Little Death by The Neighbourhood: A CLASSIC EEEE i listened to this song and cry baby SO MUCH through high school favorite lyric: She sought death on a queen-sized bed / And he had said, "Darling, your looks can kill, / So now you're dead."

The Yawning Grave by Lord Huron: this song felt like listening to a story by the fire with a storm outside IT'S SO PRETTY. favorite lyric: the entire second half after Oh, you fool, there are rules, I am coming for you THE SHIFT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL i loved it <333

Angel by Massive Attack: LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU i found this song off a leon tiktok LMFAO but oh i love it so much favorite lyric: LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOU (RIFF)

Service Bell by Grizzly Bear, Feist: this reminded me of Of Monsters and Men if they were darker and i love OMAM omg. super pretty instrumental and the singer's voices contrasted beautifully <3 favorite lyric: everything

Bikinis by BONES UK: THIS MAKES ME WANT TO TEAR UP A GAS STATION BATHROOM in a metal way not a gross way THIS WAS SO FUN TO LISTEN TO!! FAN FUCKING TABULOUS!! favorite lyric: all of the chorus MY HEAD IS BANGING

Dear Arkansas Daughter by Lady Lamb: DUDE I LOVE THIS SONG SO FREAKING MUCH I HAVE A SCRAPPED FIC DRAFT I WROTE ENTIRELY WHILE LISTENING TO THIS OUAHOGOJGGY favorite lyric: EVERYTHING i LOVE the guitar in this but especially You with the dark curls, you with the watercolor eyes / You who bares all your teeth in every smile because who doesn't

Tears Over Beers by Modern Baseball: this was really cute i giggled listening to it :3333 i love songs that tell stories this felt like a coming of age movie favorite lyric: She don't know her worth in this town / 'Cause her face starts to shine when that meathead behind me / Is grinning as he's checking her out ("Oh, come on!") <- the oh come on is so cute

Malmo by Mook: this feels like a sea shanty from the inside of a railroad car i feel so inspired to do something i hate and i don't know why it's very encouraging I'M ON THE WAY TO MALMO!! favorite lyric: I'M JUST TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP.

[stevie-petey]

hello m i hope you are well. i read chapter 7. nearly cried. tears of joy and also tears of being in the closet.

i'll say the lighthearted things first. high steve booping noses, asking for kisses, needing cold water. i want him, need him, and want to be him. as a certified public transportation girlie, the bus schedule concerns me greatly. wdym it comes every few hours?? fuck dude the mayor needs to stop taking bribes and start putting that money to city infrastructure cuz damn!!! bug squatting down at a movie theatre.......oooo you know people in that front row were mad as hell they weren't getting their premium ten cent experience.....

secondly, steve and bug.......coming off the high of the kiss omg.... the entire earnestness with which they feel for each other is so endearing. the part where steve tells her her beauty scares him and all she thinks i show much his beauty scared her......their twin flames for real....burning a candle together like no other...cut the cameras on me for real. genuinely taking a moment within all the chaos to appreciate how beautiful he is.....stuff of stars. also i loved when bug said this, "I think he’s as sweet as honey in July.” very southern mom thing to say and by southern mom i mean my dad. also these two lines: "To love someone is to know that they deserve your love." "Steve hadn’t known gentleness until he met you." Love working as a force that helps steve see his worth, help bug see her worth, and strive steve to be a better person is so much, so near and dear to me.....the solace they find in each other is amazing truly. also steve johnathan and nacy being so very uncomfortable at the news oooo your local core 4 group is undergoing a CRISIS BABE!

Okay now the big thing, which is the robin coming out scene..........omg. i liked how tender it felt how much it felt. robin picking at old wounds about bug and steve knowing it would hurt her.....terrible terrible time...... but seriously, and i am trying not to get too serious right now, as someone who is largely in the closet and will likely remain there for some time, this was really, really beautiful. robin coming out the moment she found people she was and comfortable enough to be vulnerable with was very veryyyy real, and the way that she felt she had to do it as soon as she was safe and that she wouldn't be punished for it </3. made me sob for her. bug holding her hand through it was very.....idk soft and tender, and i thought it was nice that bug got to share that part of herself too, liking nancy wheeler is very much an understandable activity, esp in s3 she looked so fucking good! just very sweet and nice for both of them, esp robin. she survived the having a crush on a girl with a bf canon event :D!! so proud of her!! picking at it like a wound was also delightful imagery, and it was such a good description of what it feels like sometimes, this thing you have to be investigating even when it feels like you shouldn't for various reasons but with you regardless.

such an excelleny chapter m, looking forward to ch 8 soooo much!!

drugged up stevie <333 also the bus schedule stressed ME out to write ,,, but its a small town with small ass roads that bus 100% comes every few hours and whew ,,,, horrendous

bug n steve were so cute in this chapter and im all giddy waiting to finally write them as a couple 🫶 theyre twin flames fr fr. and the line “to love someone is to know that they deserve your love” is a line i thought of a few years ago. ive waited so long to use her in my writing. i think it captures the trust within love and it really has stuck with me. i was so so so happy to finally have a place for the line in my writing <3333

lowkey bug is a southern darling to me. i picture her with a slight drawl im sorry but it FITS. her calling steve honey is my lil testimony to it ;)

im so incredibly happy the coming out scene was everything to you. as ive said in previous lil spiels about the chapter, i truly was nervous to write that scene with my inclusion of bug. ultimately the scene wasnt about her or steve, it was about robin and the pain of never being able to have what they do (she can. she will. we all will) but robin still finding the peace and strength within her friends to accept this. to still try :((( im deeply sorry that you feel as robin does right now. if you ever need anything, im always here my dear <3

AND NANCY X BUG WAS FOR U AND VAL TRULY ‼️‼️

[tortoisebore]

hey! I love the way you develop the characters, I have a lot of affection for you, your writing and our boys! you are incredible. looking forward to the update, but I know that all the waiting time will be worth it! night! <3

i am quickly (quickly !!!) running out of ways to respond to nice anons that aren’t just……keysmashes

if u take anything from this lil story i hope it’s that i adore these characters so so much & want to give them everything good and healing and beautiful and happy. i’m so glad that came across to u as someone else that loves them <333 the highest compliment fr

anyways here’s some keysmashing bc i cant process nice comments fhdjfheksofrr fr i waif je!31@:99;!!nesjfjwowofjj!!2/‘dof’’eksofjn!!$2@/@;@&’m’&:&/@;832&/@jeowodifwnanie

ily sm anon good night sleep tight i’ll have a new chapter for u so so soon 🤲

[luveline]

begging (with no pressure if you don’t want to don’t ok ily) for a full blurb on peter urging you not to shave after hurting urself on accident <333

this is not good sorry! thank you for requesting though <3

"Is that real?" Peter asks. 

"What do you mean, is that real?" you ask back, pulling your leg out of his tight grip. He frowns at you. 

"That!" He points at the cut on your leg. Cut is kind. It's more of a gash. 

"What, like you think it's special effects?" 

"It's awful." He pets the skin surrounding it with a gentle touch before pinning you with his fierce dark eyes. "How'd you do this? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Peter, I cut myself shaving. Freak accident, and not something I haven't done before." 

He gawks at you. "What?" 

Your face heats all over and you go on the defensive, "It's not a big deal." 

"Babe, what the fuck. Look at it." 

It's nasty, but it's hardly fatal. Showering is dangerous enough and you'd been using baby oil to shave and it had, ultimately, been a disaster. 

"Feel how smooth my legs are, though," you command, straightening out your leg. 

He obeys and runs his hand down your leg. "It does feel soft, baby, but is it really necessary? I mean, you should do whatever you want, but also… It looks like it'll scar." 

"I mean, yeah. It probably will." 

He purses his lips and hugs your legs to his chest. "Would you consider stopping?" 

"You sound like you think I'm on drugs." 

He sighs melodramatically. 

"You want me to stop shaving?" 

"I mean… okay, let's get one thing clear: I don't care if you do or you don't. I like you both ways. But what if you get tetanus?" 

"How dirty do you think I am?" 

"Is it worth a permanent scar just to have smooth legs?" 

You deliberate. You like having smooth legs. You also hate shaving. It's annoying and repetitive and eats up time. You like how having bare legs makes you feel. You don't like this look Peter is giving you. 

"Peter…" 

"How about I shave them for you?" 

"Have you ever shaved someone's leg before?" He's silent. "Peter, it's fine. The scar will be tiny." 

"I don't like you hurting yourself." 

You sigh and shuffle so you're mostly sitting in his lap. He takes the hint and pulls you up, your legs over one thigh and his hands on your waist. You lean your face into his chest. 

"It's really not that bad." 

"Is this about, like, a beauty standard? I promise you don't have to shave for me."

You're not really sure why you do it. Being a girl is complicated and comes with complicated performances. You shrug your shoulders. 

"Thanks, Peter, but I still feel prettier when I do." He takes this in stride and brings a hand up to cup your head, pressing you into his chest. You chew it over in your head. "I don't know, maybe I can start getting waxed." 

"Doesn't that hurt a bazillion times worse?" he asks lightly. 

"Apparently it's only the first couple of times." 

He grabs one of your hands from your lap, pushing his thumb over your fingers with pressure. He moves from knuckle to knuckle. "It's your body. Do what you want." Then, after making a chesty sound you recognise for mischief, "You know, I shave my facial hair all the time. And I'm disgustingly good at it. Years since I cut myself." 

"Oh my god. I will give you one attempt." 

"That's all I'll need," he says, dotting a peck against your temple. "I'm good at everything." 

[bookshelf-dust]

did you post literally today? yes. am I about to request again? of course. it's like a drug (I read the last fanfic 3 times today, yes it was that good)

so, other way around now! what about reader being jealous of Gareth? the setting can still be the Hideout and someone is getting too touchy with him, reader knows Gareth wouldn't cheat but their insecurities get the best of them. (I think Gareth would be cocky about it after the situation had settled, him being sooo tease-y and flattered). if it's too specific you can change it a bit of course.

(I'm just gonna add that I reread your fics for comfort when I'm sad<33)

babe magnet

gareth emerson x gn!reader

word count: 886

warnings: swearing, mentions of inebriation, reader gets insecure about looks/worth, gareth being a flirty shit, fluff

a/n: hi my sweet!!! thank you for requesting. also—i’m not letting this go—you read my stuff repeatedly? 🥺 please stop i’m going to cry!! you have no idea how much it means hearing that you enjoy my writings that much and that they bring you comfort when you’re upset. i love you so so much. also it’s kinda short but i hope it’s what you wanted and that this is okay!! <333 (also his face at the end of this gif?? gareth the grump?? yeah, i think so.)

————

“You’re so handsome, you know that?”

Gareth doesn’t even know this girl’s name. She’s a groupie, obviously, but he can’t even fathom that they have groupies, so he’s not entirely sure what to do about this.

She’s hammered, clearly, and tried to feel up Jeff before he made a break for it.

Gareth focuses on packing his things up, because she’s sat down now, so he doesn’t have to worry about her groping or anything.

“Uh, thank you?”

He just wants to go home. His shoulders hurt, and his ass is sore. He just wants to see you.

But he doesn’t want to be mean.

“I bet it gets hot up there, under those lights. Playing the drums and stuff,” the girl says, rising from the sticky leather of the couch.

Shit, he thinks.

“Yeah, it does. Listen, do you have a ride home?”

He turns around, but quickly realizes that’s a mistake, because she starts rubbing up and down his arms, across his shoulders, and locks her hands behind his neck.

Yeah, he doesn’t like this.

This, however, is the moment you make it to the back room, and to you, it looks like Gareth is spending his evening with some other woman. Someone that’s not you.

Gareth doesn’t even know you’re there. He’s focused on getting this girl somewhere safe and getting her off of him.

He gently grabs her arms and pulls them off of him, but she moves and starts rubbing his chest, so this time he grabs her hands, and a little more firmly.

“Okay, let’s get you home, yeah?”

He turns then, and sees you in the doorway. You’re frowning, but you wipe it away when he makes eye contact with you.

You can see the relief he feels at your appearance.

“Hey, holy shit. I’ll just be a second.” He lowers his voice as he gets closer to you, “she’s drunk and I’m trying to find her ride, I’ll be right back.”

And then he’s gone, off with that woman.

You take the liberty of picking up the rest of his things, zipping up his bag and throwing it over your shoulder.

You know he wouldn’t do anything. Gareth loves you. He’s made it blatantly clear that you’re it for him. That he intends on spending the rest of his life with you. That no one else can put up with his bullshit the way that you do.

But something about seeing that woman made all of those old thoughts wake up and run wild.

She was gorgeous. This beautiful young woman with curves in all the right places. She looked like she belonged on the cover of a magazine.

And you don’t look like that. So maybe, just maybe, Gareth has found someone else. Someone that looks like her. Someone better for him.

Stop. Stop, you think. You try and shut it down.

Gareth loves you. And you love him.

You’re holding the car keys when he gets back.

“Okay, I figured everything out. That girl was totally out of it,” he says, taking his bag from you, though you keep the keys, because you like to drive him after he plays—you know he’s tired.

The entire ride home, you don’t say a word, and Gareth knows something is up, so he corners you once you get inside.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” He’s giving you his best puppy dog eyes, and so you do.

“I saw you with that girl, from before. She was all over you.”

You cross your arms, and he smiles. He smiles and pokes your side. “You’re jealous!”

“No, I’m—”

Gareth cuts you off with a laugh. A cackling, bend over at the waist laugh. But then he straightens.

“I’m sorry.” He kisses your cheek. “You know there’s nothing to be jealous about, right? I love you. And she was a groupie, which—wild I know—but she was drunk and feeling me up, and that was after she was all over Jeff, anyways,” he breathes, stopping his ramble.

“It was icky. And I hate that you saw it another way. But whatever it is that you’re thinking, I don’t want anyone else, okay?”

You sniff. “Okay.”

He kisses you, short and sweet.

But he pokes you in the side again. “You were jealous.”

“Stop.”

“I’m flattered, really. Apparently, I’m just a total babe magnet now. I guess it comes with all the fame. But I mean, look at me, I’m a stud.”

You try to move away from him. This has gone straight to his head.

He grabs your waist, however, picking you up and tossing you on the couch. “You don’t think I’m a stud?” He feigns offense.

“Nope.”

Gareth starts tickling you like crazy, up your sides, on your neck, your stomach, until you’re laughing so hard you can’t breathe and you’re pleading with him so he’ll stop.

“Fine! Fine! You’re a stud! A total babe magnet!”

He lets up, smiling brilliantly at you. “I knew you thought so. Good thing the magnet works too, or else I wouldn’t have you. The babe to my magnet.”

You push at his chest, but he only works harder to try and hug you. “Okay, no, that was horrible. That’s the last straw. Get off me!”

He doesn’t, and you don’t want him to. Not really.

————

[saintodo]

I came RUSHING when I read that blurb

Now I’m just thinking that if Nanami were to ever give in to his protégé’s desires, he discovers it’s their first time so he has to guide them through everything, so the actual fucking is really slow and the protégé just dies every time Nanami praises them for doing well, just like on here job <333

♡ warnings: gn!reader, protégé reader and mentor nanami (implied age gap), virgin reader, bottom reader, oh and reader has a praise kink <3, not proofread m sorry!

YEAHHHHH it takes nanami so long to give in to his protégé’s (and his own) desires. he tried to rein in his wants, tried his hardest to dispel the thoughts he deemed inappropriate in order to be a good mentor for you, always acting in a respectful and polite manner around you, but at some point, nanami’s restraints snap like a fraying thread.

finally, he gives into the thoughts that have been lingering in the back of his mind from the moment you were assigned as his junior- thoughts that only intensified with time. nanami takes the first step, knowing that you would never be the one to cross that line.

and it takes you a moment to overcome your shock that nanami reciprocates your feelings. you’re left dazed, basking in his attention and the kisses he lavished your skin in, but worry seeps into your mind. he feels you tense up, and nanami immediately stops, gazing at you with a concerned expression. when you avert your gaze and shyly confide in him that you’re a virgin, the blazing, almost blinding, desire that once fueled nanami simmers into a warm heat as he sobers in light of your admission. he nearly got caught up in the moment.

with gentle, calloused hands, he angles your chin to face him and tells you that “we’ll take things at your pace.”

honestly, you don’t know what you expected of your first time laying in bed with another to be like, but nanami exceeds any and all expectations you had.

he’s so attentive that it’s almost embarrassing. sure, you’ve had his attention directed at you before (you’re his protégé, after all), but in this context? it’s entirely different.

his focus never strays from you as he catalogues every noise you make, every reaction you have in response to his actions. he drinks it all in, watching as your face twists in pleasure and little huffs of air leave your kiss-bitten lips as he curls his fingers inside of you. if nanami thought you were breath-taking in battle, he thinks your beauty is almost other-worldly as you lie beneath him, splayed out on his sheets and writhing in pleasure.

it makes his jaw clench.

when he finally deems you ready, your hole nice and stretched out from his fingers, nanami feels his composure begin to unravel as he pushes the head of his cock inside of you.

you’re tight.

your insides are warm and wet, and nanami almost feels like he’s a virgin from how worked up he’s getting just from having the tip of his cock inside of you. as much as he wants to give in and fuck you with reckless abandon, nanami exercises restraint.

he intends your first time to be pleasurable for you.

he takes it slow, almost agonizingly slow. you want him, all of him, but despite your whines and protests for nanami to go faster, he continues at the same steady pace.

it is torturous.

but the praise that nanami rewards you with for your patience makes it worth it. it’s almost too much for you. you’re not unaccustomed to being on the receiving end of nanami’s praise. when you’ve done well in exorcising a curse or executing a certain technique you’ve been practicing, nanami will give you a sharp nod and tell you “good job.” it never fails to make heat crawl up your neck as you manage to squeak out a “thank you, nanami!”

a simple “good job” from nanami was enough to fluster you. a grunted “you’re doing so good, sweetheart. you feel so tight around my cock, relax. relax, i got you,” from nanami as he slowly fucks into you, rocking his hips until he’s bottomed out inside of you, and you can feel every curve and vein of his cock is almost enough to make you cum on the spot.

[marciabrady]

Outside of the 3 original princesses, do you have any Disney favorites? By that I mean favorite character, favorite vocal performance, favorite song, favorite movie, etc? (Apologies if you have answered these questions before.)

Yes, I have many, many, many! I'll also exclude The Little Mermaid, as the original four princess movies are equally my favorite but! For more broad answers:

Favorite character: since i always talk about female characters, i'll switch it up and do a male character! hercules is my entire heart

Favorite vocal performance: again i'm going to try to say something that isn't obvious but i think 'my own home' from jungle book is captivating and kathryn beaumont is a certified genius

Favorite song: i bring you a song from bambi makes my heart smile and is the essence of romance imo

Favorite movie: hmmm i like so many like fantasia, bambi...but perhaps fun and fancy free??? ichabod toad? i really don't know, i like so many

But also, just for general appreciation:

pinocchio is a BEACON of light and so fascinating. i love the rich european setting and the original colors- especially the use of red- and the blue fairy is genuinely captivating. i love the realistic characterizations and the artistry is unsurpassed imo

fantasia's fairies might be the peak of filmmaking for me and i love the inclusion of classical music.

dumbo is so heart warming and i love the emphasis on his mother even though it makes me cry and i think pink elephants on parade is a bop and i love the way they included it in fantasmic

bambi is GENIUS, as i mentioned above i love the song so much but i really just think it's the spirit of filmmaking and is so real and authentic and i think it'll survive as a film until the end of time

fun and fancy free has really great water animation and cloud scenes in the bear segment but also mickey and the beanstalk is so much fun from start to finish

melody time has once upon a wintertime, which makes it have merit as a film, and i looove frances langford's voice

the adventures of ichabod and mr. toad gave us katrina and brom bones and FOR THAT i salute this film. i love the music and the old american town and like the halloween influence and the mansion and just. everything so much about it. it really is like feeling the crisp autumn air. i love the miniature scale homes of the animals in the toad segment- it's so comforting

alice in wonderland. just everything about it

peter pan - where do i even begin. the music is a religious experience, marc davis's work on tinker bell's walk is LEGENDARY, but also i was sooo intrigued by the mermaids and their design as a child. it's the high point of the film for me. i love love LOVE kathryn beaumont's wendy and mrs. darling is so dear

lady and the tramp is a movie that's so cozy- i absolutely love the smalltown american vibes and the moment with the spaghetti is iconic for GOOD reason

101 dalmatians deserves to exist for anita and anita alone

sword in the stone is a film i loved as a child. madam mim was fun to me and she freaks me out now, though i do love her attractive form, ngl i kinda think kay is cute, and i LOVE archimedes and merlin is a top disney character for me

the aristocats ALL the female characters <333

robin hood gave us lady kluck is one of my top ten characters of all time. she gave us everything and she has yet to receive her flowers

winnie the pooh is cute

the rescuers has such an intriguing voice in miss bianca and, again, the miniature animal homes are comforting to me. i love how underground and gritty it feels

the black cauldron is an amazing experimental film that is sooo gorgeous

beauty and the beast is worth it for me because i love mrs. potts, i love the bimbettes, i think adam is intriguing, and gaston is a fav

pocahontas has one of the best soundtracks but also can we talk about NAKOMA

hercules maybe has top 5 art but also hercules as a character is someone i love so much it makes my heart physically hurt :(

mulan- i love the connections people make with her and shang being bi is pretty much is everything

princess and the frog gave us a wonderful design for tiana

[sweetmotherof]

Haikyuu Fics: The Classics™️

EDIT: pt 2!!

I wanted to make a post to archive what I would call “The Classics” as far as Haikyuu fanfic on ao3 goes. For anyone new to the daunting world of Haikyuu fanfiction, these works are probably the most popular, talked-about works throughout the fandom, so they are a good place to start! I haven’t read some of these, but the reason I included them is that I’ve seen so much hype around them. Comment the ones I missed, and I’m definitely going to be doing a part 2. Enjoy <3 :D

*contains nsfw fics* READ TAGS BEFORE U READ

⭑=my faves

BOKUAKA

Rules by ConesOfDunshire⭑

E, 120 k words

Accountant Akaashi. Pianist Bokuto. WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT??? This fic is seriously novel-worthy, and Bokuto having Asperger’s is a beautiful component to the story. I found that the characterization and the attention to detail the author put into the story is what made it a truly distinguishable and unique fic that allowed it to rise to the top. It is worth every kudos, comment, bookmark, and more. Highly recommend.

Behind Bricks by DeathBelle⭑

E, 60 k words, cw: prostitution, choking, and heavy content so READ THE TAGS

This darker fic follows Akaashi as he deals with his life as a prostitute, and how Bokuto comes in and is able to change it for the better. I feel sometimes that heavy topics such as the trauma from sex work are really misrepresenting in fanfiction, but the author does a great job of portraying it in a real way and not romanticizing it at all. I loved to watch love bloom for Akaashi in the cracks of his tumultuous life, because he deserves everything <333

In Another Life by LittleLuxray⭑

T, 22 k words, cw: terminal illness, hospitals, major character death

As the highest-rated Haikyuu fanfic on ao3, this work is a monument and will go down in Haikyuu history. That being said, it honestly did such a number on me that I think it deserves the hype. This hospital au revolving around Akaashi and Bokuto’s budding relationship is truly heartbreaking, to say the least. Read it at your own risk, and oh, you can find references to it under almost any Bokuaka related post.

IWAOI

Conquering the Great King by SuggestiveScribe

105 k words, E

This rollercoaster of a fic, set in a universe where Oikawa and Iwaizumi meet in a bar, is funny, profound, and awe-inspiring all in one. The relationship dynamic between the two is very cute and well-done. I highly recommend this one if you are a sucker for some good, old Iwaoi, and I also love the side pairings. Just, overall, a really nice and satisfying read.

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle by kittebasu(chanyeol)

T, 66.3k words, cw: injury, homophobia

This fic is a favorite on tik tok, from what I’ve observed. I haven’t read it yet, but when people discuss it, they always commend the writing and the non-linear narrative. I have personally not read this one yet, but I have seen people rave about this one because of the emotional impact it had on them. It seems to me that the writing and emotions on this one are its claims to fame, so definitely check it out.

Desperado by Verbrennung

M, 82k words

Talk about raved about fics, I have seen this one mentioned countless times on various platforms. This Iwaoi fic is set in a Vegas/Japan fusion setting, which immediately caught my eye. The premise of a heist fic also is probably what caught people's attention the most, because what is better than an Iwaoi heist fic (nothing. nothing is better.) I recommend this if you want a bit of a longer fic that had a tumultuous plot and a wild romance.

SAKUATSU

Burden of Blame by DeathBelle⭑

E, 91k words, cw: graphic violence, guns, ptsd, panic attacks, murder, death, injury and more so READ TAGS

Burden of Blame is THE mafia au fic of the Haikyuu ao3 universe. I love this fic soooo much. From it’s wild plot to the flawless writing, I was constantly on my feet. I definitely recommend if you want something that will keep you on the edge of your seat. Also, the enemies to lovers is CHEFS FUCKING KISS.

A Liar’s Truth by internetpistol⭑

E, 49.6k words, cw: HOMOPHOBIA!! read tags pls

Oh. My. God. I simply cannot with this fic. It turned me inside out, upside down, and threw me into the void. Please, if you have one singular brain cell, you will read this fic. This narrative about Sakusa’s life and his relationship with his sexuality is a masterpiece. I cannot recommend this one enough. You do not want to miss out on this genuine piece of art. 

Stick With You by lettersinpetals

E, 99k words

This fic follows Sakusa and Atsumu as they get stuck in the Philippines over quarantine. Honestly, if you want an enemies to lovers that really goes in depth into the trope, this is the one for you. One of my favorite things about this fic is the inclusion of the Filipino language, and I found myself reading all of the translations at the end. I would recommend this if you want a longer, feel good Sakuatsu fic. Also, lettersinpetals is a Sakuatsu classic author.

the Terminal Curiosity series by favspacetwink and moonlumie

E, total 112k words, not finished, 8 works, READ TAGS

This fic is probably the notorious BDSM fic, which I’m glad because it portrays it in a very consensual and safe way. I’m personally not into that stuff, but I still was able to enjoy it for the plot and the amazing writing. I definitely recommend it if you are looking for something with BDSM components with some focus on their relationship dynamics too. I actually did really enjoy this fic, and I think the way their relationship kind of progressed backward was really, really good. Even if BDSM isn’t your cup of tea, I still recommend checking this one out and reading the tags to see if it is something you’re willing to give a chance too, because, for me, it paid off.  

KUROKEN

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony

T, 30.9k words, cw: illness, DEATH

I have yet to read this fic. I am genuinely too afraid. Similarly to In Another Life, I constantly see people discussing to the degree in which this fic destroyed them, and honestly after In Another Life, I don’t think I could handle another one. This soulmates au has crushed so many people throughout the fandom that if you want someone to give you more detail on why it’s the saddest thing ever, you probably wouldn’t have to look very far.

Of Monsters and Men by shions_heart

M, 220k words, cw: violence, temporary character death

This longer fic follows Kuroo, Kenma, and many others through a demon hunter/buffy the vampire-style universe, with magic, drama, and much more. If you are looking for a fantasy, action-packed, beautifully written fic, this is definitely one you should check out. The romance and action combination will always be chefs kiss, superb. 

[baroquebucky]

caress

soulmate au where when you touch your soulmate you see glimpses of your future with them; the winter soldier touches you and realizes there’s so much more out there

series masterlist // previous // epilogue

part five

word count: 6k (v worth it me thinks)

masterlist

a/n: the final official part has arrived bffs </3 i will be doing an epilogue of just pure fluff do not fret <333 i hope u all enjoy this one !! made it xtra long for y’all <3 let me know what you guys think pls !! , i cried writing jt and the ending is my favorite thing ever eeek !!!

You were sitting on the couch next to Natasha, it was quiet as the news played on the tv in front of the two of you, news reporters talking about the aftermath of Thanos’ doing. 

23 days.

23 days since you had lost half the team, since you had lost half the universe. Since you had lost bucky.

Life was dull, you cried for hours on end at night, longing filling your chest. Sometimes you would dream of him, a smile on your face as you slept. Then you would wake up, reaching out next to you in hopes of your fingers being met with the cold vibranium of his arm. You were met with cold sheets, emptiness.

Steve missed him too, sometimes he would sit next to you when you were in tears, placing an arm around you and comforting you as best he could. Natasha and him took turns watching over you, making sure you stayed healthy.

The sound of low rumbling brought you out of the trance you were in, you furrowed your brows and looked at nat, she looked back at you equally as confused. As you went to get up things around you started shaking, steve came of the restroom concerned.

“what the hell is that?” You questioned, Rhodey and banner walking into the room together. The five of you ran out into the yard, looking up your eyes went wide. You recognized carol carrying the giant ship, you had met briefly when she came to earth after receiving Fury’s signal.

Your mouth flew open and tears filled your eyes as you saw tony, a smile on your face as Steve ran to tony, steadying him as the woman next to him handed him off.

The rest of you watched from afar as pepper ran up to tony, the two hugging. You felt your heart tug in your chest as the two soulmates embraced.

You were sat next to thor as while the others explained what happened, though you figured from the pain in their eyes they had suffered the consequences of thanos’ actions themselves.

“whats wrong with them?” Tony asked, looking at you and thor.

“oh he’s pissed, he thinks he failed, which he did-” the raccoon continued to talk but you zoned out.

“did barnes..?” Tony asked softly and steve nodded, his eyes softened, if he had the energy he would’ve gotten up and hugged you.

As they continued to talk you could see tony getting angrier at the captain, you hated it. You hated knowing that things would most likely never be the same between the two friends. You watched teary eyed as the two argued, the lump growing in your throat.

Thor placed his hand on you arm gently, reassuring you everything would be okay. You looked up and saw tony take out his arc reactor, shoving it into Steve’s hand.

“here, take this. You find him, and you put that on, you hide” tony spat, immediately falling to the ground. Steve was quick to catch him, holding him up.

Before you knew it he was passed out, steve carrying him quickly to a bed with steve and Rhodey hot on his heels.

You sat back down next to thor, he handed you some of whatever he was snacking on and you smiled at him softly. The two of you watching the rest of the team bicker and talk about where thanos was.

“-unfortunately they didn’t have you guys” carol replied to Rhodey, you looked at thor, nudging him and he nodded, getting up while he still chewed.

Thor walked up to carol, holding his hand out as Stormbreaker came to him, barely missing carol. The two stared at each other before thor nodded.

“I like this one” he turned to you and you gave him a tight lipped smile.

“Let’s go get this son of a bitch” steve spoke, a determined look on his face as everyone moved to get ready.

“y/n are you not coming?” Steve spoke and you hesisted, looking around before shaking your head.

“I’m gonna stay here with tony and pepper, in case they need something” you replied, fiddling with the dog tags you still wore around your neck.

Steve knew that wasn’t the reason, but he didn’t push you, simply nodding his head, giving you a hug and then walking away.

You sat back on the couch after letting pepper know you would be there if they needed anything. You let your mind wander back to the flash on you and bucky at a picnic, the sun seemed so bright and you caught yourself smiling as you thought of bucky. Your eyes were closed as you seemingly looped the flash of your futures in your head.

“isn’t the sunset so beautiful james” you sighed contently, a small smile on your face as you looked at the pinks and reds. You turned to look at bucky, but he was gone. “Bucky?” Your heart raced, tears in your eyes as you looked around.

“y/n?” You whipped around quickly, mouth falling open as you saw bucky fading into dust.

“no!” You cried out, running to catch him.

Your eyes shot open and your heart raced in your chest. That can’t be right, that can’t happen. Bucky was your soulmate. Those visions were set in stone they had to happen, those were the rules, they can’t just change all of a sudden. Right?

You peeked into the room, checking in on tony and pepper.

“can i get some water actually?” Pepper asked and you nodded, quickly coming back with water and some snacks for her. “Thanks” you whispered and you smiled at her.

“they’ll bring him back, i know they will” pepper reassured you. You gaveher the best smile you could manage and replied, “i know.”

You held out hope for the time the others were out. Shaking away the thought of the flashes of your future changing. It’s just because I’m on edge, that’s it. You reasoned, your leg bouncing as you waited for them to return.

Everyone walked in, you ran up to them hopeful for good news, you looked at steve with a smile, hugging him and holding your hand in his. He felt his heart crush in his chest, this was the happiest you’d been since the decimation and it was going to be torn from you immediately.

“so? did you get the stones? when are we getting everyone back? Does someone need to snap or clap or what? did you guys kill him?” You rushed out, eyes shining in hope as you looked at everyone. Your stomach fell as you saw the look on their faces.

“he destroyed them” Natasha spoke cautiously, “there’s no more stones, we- there’s nothing we can do.”

“oh,” was all you managed to say, your hand going limp in Steve’s, you felt a new wave of pain coming up and you didn’t want to have another meltdown infront of them.

“y/n, please we’re here for you” steve spoke, trying to grasp your hand again after you pulled it out of his.

“I’m fine” you smiled, walking away quickly to your room. Steve sighed, going to follow you but Natasha stopped him, knowing you would want some space.

You laid on your bed, at first nothing happened, you just looked up at your ceiling, an emptiness in your chest. Then it all hit you.

Bucky was gone, there was nothing that could bring him back. The one person you were destined to was gone and you couldn’t do a single thing about it. The little time you had together wasn’t nearly enough to you. The two day trips to wakanda left you wanting more, but you could never get more time. You were always out of time.

For years you had been praying to finally touch your soulmate, to meet them and live a long happy life together. You knew you would never get that the moment you reached out to bucky and saw your future with him. You knew the road would be bumpy but you held out hope, both of you did. You tried to keep him within your grasp, you tried to hold him close to your heart for as long as you could despite knowing you were out of time. You thought of how he would embrace you, how he would keep you safe in his arms while you slept.

Now you slept in an empty bed, knowing there wouldn’t be a next visit to wakanda. Knowing your soulmate was gone and you didn’t get to say goodbye. Knowing you were back to where you started- Alone.

——

Five years.

It had been five years since the Decimation happened, everyone else called it the blip.

Gently, you set down the bag of groceries, finally closing your apartment door after your third trip up. You arranged everything quietly, 40s music softly playing from your speaker and the jingle of Buckys dog tags filling the apartment.

You never took them off. They were all you had of him, they were the only thing to keep you going. You would fiddle with them and hold them close to your chest. They brought you comfort. The same comfort bucky would give you, the comfort he had given you during your time in wakanda. The same you should’ve had right in this moment.

One more fight

The words rang in your ears, taunting you. Rage, sadness and pain all filled your chest, your heart aching as you finished putting everything away, shutting the music off and turning on the tv. You looked down at the dog tags that rested on your chest, tears welling in your eyes as you read over them.

The hot tears fell down your face and you held the dog tags tightly in your hands, mind going blank as you let yourself wallow in the pain for a moment.

Your phone rang and you wiped your tears away, sniffling as you saw Steve’s contact picture. You hesisted before answering.

“hi steve!” You spoke brightly, putting on your best act.

“hey y/n how are you?” Steve spoke smoothly and you wiped at your tears before replying.

“I’m doing good! Just got back from the grocery store” you wanted to hang up, to just watch reruns of your favorite show and forget about everything

“are you sure?” Steve spoke cautiously and you replied quicker than you intended, “course I’m sure!”

Then there was a knock on your door.

“great because I’m outside” steve replied happily, hanging up and waiting outside. Your stomach fell, you looked in the mirror, your eyes and nose were redándolo your cheeks flushed.

Quickly you ran to splash water on your face, taking in a shaky breath as you dried your face and moved to open the door, putting a smile on your face and greeting steve.

“if it isn’t my favorite captain” you smiled, steve looked at you warily, taking you into a hug after you let him in.

“you forget i have enhanced hearing y/n, i know you were sniffling right before opening the door” steve spoke bluntly and your shoulders fell. “y/n, you can’t keep shutting me out, Natasha is worried about you too” he spoke softly, taking your hand and leading you to your couch.

“i just miss him” you whispered and steve sighed, pulling you into him so your head rested on his chest, he wrapped his arms around you as you cried quietly.

“i know, i do too, we just have to learn to live without him, he would want you to start a life y/n, you don’t have to be alone” steve spoke. His presence was calming.

You and steve had been friends for so long, there was a reason he knew he could call you when SHIELD fell. You were the one to help him adjust to modern society, you were his first friend out of the ice.

“how about you go shower and change, and I’ll make some food for us okay? We can watch your show while we eat” steve smiled, he knew you hadn’t showered in three days from the way your hair was tangled and messily thrown into a ponytail.

“okay” you nodded, smiling softly as he helped you up, handing you some tissues before the two of you headed to do your own things.

You were grateful for steve, he had always been there to check up on you, constantly making sure you were okay. You had basically shut everyone else out, Natasha didn’t really reach out. You didn’t blame her.

You walked out of your room, the smell of pasta hitting your nose and your stomach growled, steve smiled as he set out the two plates.

“tried my best” he mumbled and you shook your head.

“thank you steve” you hugged him tightly and he returned it, letting go after a couple moments so the two of you could eat.

“i saw some whales the other day” you spoke up, “when i was coming up the bridge” steve smiled, glad to know you were leaving the apartment.

“fewer ships, cleaner water” he nodded, “might tell Nat, I’m sure she could use some good news” you nodded.

The two of you ate in silence, watching your favorite show as you did. Steve stayed for a bit longer before heading back to the compound. He hugged you tightly and you held onto him.

“promise you’ll reach out” steve pleaded and you nodded, “I’ll try” he smiled at your words, it was a start.

It hadn’t even been an hour when steve was calling you again, you rolled your eyes as you answered the phone.

“steve im not crying i swear” you joked, a small smile on your face.

“you have to get to the compound” he spoke in a serious tone and your stomach dropped, “scott Lang is here” you felt your heart race.

“wasn’t he- i thought he-” you cut yourself off, moving to get a jacket and your car keys, “I’m on my way.”

When you arrived you rushed towards the living room watching as Scott paced infront of steve and Natasha

As you set next to steve, scott began to ramble, talking about quantum physics and his time i. The quantum realm.

“wait, are you talking about a time machine?” You asked him, and he shook his head.

“no, of course not, it’s like a- yeah a time machine i know it’s crazy but there’s gotta be a way” scott mumbled.

“Scott, i get emails from a raccoon, nothing sounds crazy anymore” you smiled at natashas comment.

“so who do we talk about this?” Scott asked nervously, you and steve looked at each other for a second.

Tony.

The four of you approached the cabin, your heart heavy as your eyes land on tony. You knew how much he wanted to just stay out of everything, he was happy for once, he was with his soulmate, he had a family.

“we know what it sounds like” Scott spoke as he finished explaining his plan.

You were quiet as tony and steve talked, Scott joining in when he mentioned his plan of a time heist.

“we can bring everyone back” Natasha reasoned and tony scoffed a little. “Or we could make things worse” he stated and you shifted. The four bickered for a while longer before you spoke up.

“Tony, we have to take a stand” his eyes landed on you and his gaze softened a bit.

“we did stand, and yet here we are” he spoke sharply.

“i know you got a lot on the line, a wife, a daughter, but i lost someone very importantly me, a lot of people did-” you zoned out as Scott spoke, your eyes resting on the lake and watching as the water moved slowly.

“Mommy told me to come and save you!” Morgan smiled as Tony picked her up. You smiled at the pair.

“good job, I’m saved” tony smiled at her, he turned to you guys before sighing, “i wish you’d come to ask for something else, i missed you guys” his eyes were soft and he spoke sincerely.

“I’m happy for you, i really am. But this is a second chance” steve pleaded and tony replied quickly, “i got my second chance right here.”

“Aunt y/n!” Morgan smiled as her eyes landed on you, wiggling out of her dads grasp as she ran to hug you.

“hi little stark” you smiled, picking her up with ease and carrying her on your hip.

Tony smiled at you as the steve and Natasha looked at you in confusion.

“i visit, I’m not a horrible person” you mumbled, you knew steve would have some choice words for you later.

“If you don’t talk shop, you can stay for lunch” tony spoke up, the others sighed, walking towards the car.

You set Morgan down, telling her to head inside. You gave Tony a hug, “I’ll visit soon, just haven’t been feeling the best” you mumbled and he rubbed your back.

“you always have a room here y/n” he smiled softly and you nodded, waving goodbye before going the other three in the car.

“we’re gonna need a big brain” steve spoke, Scott looked at him in disbelief.

“bigger than his?” Scott questioned and you rolled your eyes, knowing you would be seeing Bruce soon.

“can you drop me off at home actually?” you spoke up, steve looking at you for a moment before nodding, driving to your apartment building. You got out quickly and said goodbye, “let me know what you guys find” steve, Natasha and Scott nodded, wishing you goodnight.

The cold New York air nipped at your skin as you rushed up your stairs, holding your jacket tightly as you fumbled with your key and let yourself in, sighing when you closed the door.

You changed into your pajamas quickly, brushing your teeth before grabbing the notebook and your pen on your nightstand and sliding into bed. You flipped to the next empty page as you began to write.

hi james,

today was okay, steve came over and found me crying. he stayed and made dinner, he’s been taking care of me for a while now, i feel kinda guilty.

You continued to write into the journal, letting all your feelings pour out into the page. As you finished for the night you clicked you pen and set them on your nightstand. You had finished all the pages in the notebook already. With a sigh you got up from your bed, grabbing the small notebook and placing it on the floor as you reached for a container under your bed.

You reached for the lid and opened it, there were numerous other notes book, you placed the one you had just written in next to your last one, closing the lid and sliding it back under your bed.

For the past five years you’ve been writing to bucky, it helped you stay somewhat sane. If he ever came back you didn’t want him to feel left out, you wanted to make sure he felt like he didn’t miss those five years of your life. You wanted him to be there. Your hands fiddled with the dog tags as you laid on your side.

You needed him to be here with you.

The next morning you woke up to a call from steve, with fuzzy vision your answered the phone, bringing it to your ear.

“hello?” You mumbled and steve spoke quickly, your eyes widened as he spoke.

“tony found a way” was all you needed to hear to have you scrambling to get ready.

“be there in 30” you rushed out, a smile on your face. You felt hope blossoming in your chest, thoughts of the picnic with bucky flooded your mind as you got ready.

You were going to get him back. You were going to be together.

You ran into the compound as smiled at those around you, rocket looked at you in shock when you smiled at him.

“didn’t know she did that” he remarked and Scott looked at him equally as shocked.

“Steve! Tony!” You beamed, crashing into them and taking them into a group hug. You let out a sigh of happiness.

“Is it true? Can we actually get them back?” Your eyes shined and tony found his heart growing, it had been so long since you had been happy.

“we have a shot kid” he nodded, “Clint just tried it out and it worked,” your smile grew, throwing your arms around him as everyone gathered into the room

“well what are we waiting for? Let’s plan this heist!” You smiled, looking at everyone and steve nodded.

You listened as everyone spoke, sharing their knowledge on the stones. You sat next to Natasha who was taking notes, glancing over at them your gears turned, speaking up as they talked about Stephen Strange.

“he lived in New York?” You questioned and they nodded, Tony rolling his eyes at you, “are you paying attention?”

“if you pick the right year there’s three stones in New York” you replied quickly, everyone looking at you in surprise.

Not long after your realization there was finally a formulated plan. You were nervous, excited and hopeful. You were going to get everyone back, you were going to get bucky back.

“Six stones, three teams, one shot” you mumbled, everyone nodding as you looked at the plan you had come up with steve and tony.

“I’ll stay behind just in case, you all know what you’re doing and ive been out of the loop so” you trailed off and they nodded.

“you already did enough, i mean you came up with the whole plan” tony scoffed and you smiled at him.

“you guys got this” you encouraged them, natasha smiling at you. Without hesitating you pulled the three in for a hug, squeezing tightly before letting go.

“okay, go kick some ass” you smiled.

The team filed onto the time machine and you waited by the buttons, looking for steve signal.

“see you in a minute” natasha called out to you and you waved goodbye, pressing the buttons and holding your breath and they all shrunk and disappeared from your sight.

It was only a minute later when they all appeared, you smiled as you ran up to them, quickly doing a headcount. Your stomach fell when you saw Natasha was missing.

“Clint wheres nat” you asked quietly, voice shaking. He didn’t reply. You stumbled back, teary eyed as you walked out.

You looked at the lake, steve, Tony, thor, Clint and Bruce gathered around you.

“do we know if she had any family?” Tony asked and you scoffed.

“us” steve spoke up and Thor looked at them confused.

“you’re acting like she’s dead, why are we acting like she’s dead?” Thor spoke up, his voice growing louder and you winced as he continued, Clint soon jumping in and arguing with him. The two men shouted and you let your tears fall silently, steve noticed and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you into his chest.

“she’s not coming back” Bruce mumbled quietly.

“we have to make it worth it” you spoke up, wiping your tears and standing up.

“we will” steve spoke, getting up after you did.

“the what are we waiting for” you looked at them with a small smile, squeezing Clint’s arm before walking past him and into the lab.

You waited anxiously for them to finish the gauntlet, jumping up when rocket walked in with it in hand.

“who’s gonna snap their freaking fingers?” Thor spoke up, immediately volunteering.

“no Thor, wait a second” you stopped him, everyone else protesting his actions.

“what we’re just waiting for the right opportunity?” He huffed and Scott spoke up.

“we should at least discuss it”

Thor nodded his head, speaking up again, “I’m the strongest avenger this is my responsibility, it’s my duty” you were quick to stop him.

“it’s not about that” you spoke gently. He furrowed his brows and turned to look at you angrily.

“stop it! Just let me!” You could see the tears in his eyes, “let me do something good, something right”

Tony explained to him the power the stones had, trying to reason for him to not do it. Thor argued right back before Bruce cut him off, explaining how it almost killed thanos when he snapped and how no one else could survive it.

“how do you know you will?” Steve asked cautiously.

“it’s mainly gamma, it’s like i was made for this” he whispered as everyone moved back you noticed Nebula was missing.

Bruce’s grunts of pain made you focus back onto him, “are you okay? talk to me!” You screamed, frantic as he yelled in pain.

“I’m okay!” He spoke fighting against the pain and snapping his fingers, you held your breath as he did so, your heartbeat thumping in your ears.

You looked out the window and saw two birds, a smile on your face as you realized it had worked. Clint had a smile on his face as he answered a call, “honey, honey!” He spoke.

You turned to tell the team it had worked, but before you could you were blasted away by missiles, the compound crumbling underground.

You groaned as you heard rocket calling out for her, you and Rhodey doing your best to free him. Finally he wiggled free, the three of you sighing before your eyes went wide. A flood of water washing over the three of you as you panicked.

Rhodey called for help and you heard Scott on the other end. You kept your head up high, trying to not drown, rocket clung onto you as Bruce tried to hold the structure up.

“see you on the other side” Rhodey spoke and you geared up shaking your head.

“Hang on! I’m coming!” Scott yelled and you tried your best to stay above water, Rhodey struggling next to you as rocket clung onto your back.

Before you knew it you were clinging onto Scott as he turned into giant man, Rocket continued to Clint onto you and Rhodey held on for fear life.

Scott placed you and rocket down, you spotted the wakandans next to you and ran towards them, smiling as you saw t’challa and shuri amongst them.

“shuri!” You cried out, hugging her tightly. She handed you a gun and some knives and you quickly strapped them to you. “How’d you know” you smiled and she shrugged.

“you people never seem prepared for battle” she teased and you smiled, standing next to her as you prepared to face thanos’ army.

Your eyes scanned the crowd for bucky, heart beating louder and louder and you couldn’t find him. You ran onto the battlefield with everyone, immediately shooting and fighting the aliens off.

You shot them as fast as you could, but they were quickly surrounding you, grunting as one of them tackled you,

Before you could even think of grabbing a knife it’s body fell limp and you pushed it off you, looking at the bullet wounds.

“hope you haven’t been fighting like that this whole time doll”

You felt your heart drop and your stomach flutter. Bucky.

You turned around quickly, a smile on your face as your eyes met his baby blue one. Your smile grew as you ran towards him, dropping your gun and throwing yourself onto him. He picking you up as you wrapped your legs around his waist, holding you tightly.

“you’re here, you’re back, you’re here” you spoke over and over, tears streaming down your cheeks as you buried your face into the crook of his neck.

“I’m here doll” he reassured you, holding onto you tightly and closing his eyes for a moment. The sound of an alien screaming made you snap out of your bubble.

You groaned as you picked up your gun, shooting it in the head before turning back to bucky, you smiled at him before crashing your lips onto his. He smiled into the kiss, leaning in for a second before the two of you pulled away.

“been waiting five years to do that” you spoke breathless and bucky smiled at you.

“after this you can kiss me all you want sweets” he spoke and you giggled, moving to press your backs against one another, shooting at the aliens.

You thought back to wakanda, how familiar it all was. But this time you would win. This time it was your last fight, you would win and you could go home with bucky. You could be with your soulmate.

You watched as the other tossed the gauntlet around, trying to keep it away from thanos.

“Bucky we have to go help them!” You called out and he nodded, the two of you running towards where steve, Thor and tony were, helping fend off the aliens attacking them.

You saw thanos get the gauntlet and you felt you blood run cold, you froze in your spot. Please, not again. You turned to bucky, dropping your weapon as you clung onto him tightly.

“not letting you go again” you mumbled, kissing him before letting go and grabbing a knife from your suit and running towards the titan.

You threw the knife at thanos with all you had, lodging it in his shoulder. He cried out in pain as it stabbed him, giving Tony the chance to attack him once more, pulling the gauntlet before Thanos punches him away.

“I am inevitable” thanos spoke, your blood ran cold as he snapped, flinching away when he did. When nothing happened you looked at him once more, a smile on your face as you saw the glove had no stones.

“And i” tony spoke, “am Iron man” he snapped his fingers, the white light blinding you before bucky pulled you into him, shielding you from the light.

As the two of you looked again you saw the aliens fading into dust. You held Buckys hand tightly, your knuckles white. You looked at him in excitement, wrapping your arms around his neck when you realized you had won.

You had won.

Turning quickly you ran to look for tony and steve, the smile falling from your face when you saw peter over Tony’s body.

You ran towards him, falling to your knees next to him.

“tony? no you can’t” you shook your head, tears welling in your eyes and he turned to look at you.

“hey kid, take care of my girls yeah?” He smiled and you shook your head, “you can take care of em you have to hold on a bit longer” you protested.

“always told you that you had one hell of a throw” he chuckled dryly, “‘ts what helped me get the stones” he smiled gently and you broke down into tears, “you have him now, you’ll be okay” he whispered.

Bucky pulled you aside, letting pepper speak to tony. You cried into Buckys chest, not knowing what would happen to you if you looked back.

It happened so fast.

You were in a black dress outside the cottage you had visited countless time. You didn’t imagine the next time you visited would be for Tony’s funeral.

Bucky held your hand, his thumb making small circles on the back of your hand to calm you down. You could help but lean into him, his presence relaxing you immediately.

You smiled fondly as you thought back to the time tony tried to talk you into breaking up with bucky one time after you came back from wakanda. You knew he was joking but he still felt a little bad, buying you dinner as compensation

As the service ended you followed bucky, steve and Sam to the time machine where Bruce waited.

You stood next to bucky as steve said goodbye to Sam, walking up to you guys next.

“Don’t do anything stupid ‘til i get back” steve spoke and bucky smiled.

“how can i? you’re taking all the stupid with you” the hugged tightly for a bit before pulling apart.

“gonna miss you buddy” bucky sighed and steve looked at him softly.

“it’s gonna be okay buck” he turned to you.

“bye steve” you let out softly, bottom lip quivering. He hugged you tightly, kissing your temple softly.

“you’re still gonna be my favorite best friend” he spoke softly and you smiled, letting out a soft chuckle before sniffling.

“you finally have him back y/n, you’re gonna be happy, i promise” you nodded and hugged him one more time, knowing it would be the last time.

As he stepped into the time machine you melted into Buckys side, he put an arm around you and kissed the top of your head.

Steve vanished as he went to return the stones, seconds later Bruce signaled to bring him back, but he didn’t appear.

“where is he?” Sam spoke, worry lacing his voice.

“I don’t know he blew right past his time stamp, he should be here” Bruce panicked and you and bucky looked around your eyes landing Onondaga older version of him sitting on a log.

You nudged bucky as you heard sam and Bruce arguing.

“sam” you called out, looking at him before back at steve. Sam walked towards you cautiously as you pointed at steve.

“go ahead” bucky spoke to the man, the two of you smiled at sam as he approached steve.

You and bucky smiled as steve handed sam the shield. A grin on your face as he put the shield on his arm.

“he’s gonna be a great captain america” bucky smiled fondly and you nodded. “Steve made the right choice” you added.

The two of you walked away hand in hand, getting into your car and heading back to your apartment. Bucky settled in quickly, sitting on your couch and pulling you down with him, a small squeal leaving your lips as your back crashed onto his chest.

“missed you so much buck” you mumbled, wiggling so that you could cuddle into him, leaving open mouthed kisses on his neck and onto his jawline.

“i missed you too doll” he whispered, kissing you softly, his hand moving to the back of your neck. He pulled away when he pinky felt the familiar chain of his dog tags, hooking it onto his pinky and pulling them out from under your shirt.

“you kept them?” He looked at you teary eyed and you nodded, heart racing.

“they were the only thing left of you, course i did” you smiled, taking them off and placing them onto him, fixing them so that they laid on his chest.

“that reminds me!” You smiled, getting off of him and running to your room, pulling the bin from under your bed and carrying it towards bucky.

“i- uh- when you were gone i wrote in these journals almost everyday, to kinda keep you up to date for when you got back” you smiled sheepishly and bucky felt his heart grow in his chest.

“you never lost faith?” He questioned, he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. You shook your head.

“sometimes i wanted to” you mumbled, holding his hand in yours, “but you never took me on a picnic so i wasnt letting you go so easily” you pouted and he smiled, kissing you.

The two of you smiled into the kiss, giggling and he peppered kisses all over your face.

“I’m your forever y/n y/l/n” bucky whispered, his forehead resting against yours. You felt your heart rate speed up, your stomach full of butterflies. Closing your eyes as you relished the moment.

“and I’m yours forever bucky barnes” you kissed him softly before opening your eyes, the two of you pulling away a bit.

You reached out and caressed his cheek, you smiled at each other. You finally had your soulmate, and you had forever together.

[elysianslove]

Have you got any blog/fic recs? I love love LOVE your work and was wondering if you had any that inspire you/that you love to read!! <3

stop that’s so sweet oh my goodness 🥺 and my god yes i do. i have so many. let me pull up the reading list saved on my phone real quick omg. these are all tumblr fic recs, but if you guys want me to recommend ao3 fics, i’d love to (they will all be sakuatsu and iwaoi tho bdkhskbs) 

by @big-oya-energy: this fic. 

it’s an oikawa x reader where he does the trend of kissing his best friend, and it’s written amazingly. i love it so much. the way oikawa’s feelings are described and the build up and just. best friends to lovers excellence. it’s beautiful. amazing. show stopping. brilliant. i love it. everything about it. feeds my oikawa brainrot so well. 

by @myelocin: this fic. 

Trigger Warning! there’s mention of suicide and depression. but genuinely this is one of my comfort fics. it’s perfect in every way and honestly, it feels like a gentle hug on a bad day. there’s no other way to describe it. it’s an issei x reader one, and i honestly highly recommend reading it if you’re not having too good of a day. just makes me feel loved yk? 

by @tetsuwhore: this fic. 

another oikawa x reader i’m sorry i’m so predictable. the classic ‘teaches you how to touch yourself/how to cum.’ never gets old. this one’s so, so good. so hot. it’s written incredibly well, and i love it so much. 10/10 recommend!!! 

by @fluoresence: i have a bunch from this blog omg. i always come back to these cause i love them so much.

this one. another oikawa x reader, i’m sorry, but it’s so funny, such a good read. i was smiling the whole way through. oikawa’s girlfriend dresses up as a catgirl and he loses his mind. it’s not nsfw, just pure humor and fluff. i love it so muchhh. 

this fic, and its part 2. it’s nsfw and god. so hot. first part is issei x reader, second part is issei x reader too but makki watches. through a screen. i love love love it, especially part 2. there’s also like some humor there because yk, of course there is with these two, but genuinely so good! 

this series. can you tell aoba johsai is my favorite team aside inarizaki? can you tell? it’s five parts, all nsfw. first part you have a gang bang with all four of them where they make you guess who’s fucking you, and the other four are based off of who you want to choose! it’s one of the first fics i read when my obsession with the seijoh 4 started. it’s so good i cannot recommend reading this series enough. read it. now. 

by @samuslut: this fic, and its part 2. 

oh my god. oh my god. atsumu x reader, such mouthwatering smut. holy shit. this is timeskip!atsumu, and you’re basically a fan of his and i don’t wanna spoil but. video call sex. and then part 2 actual sex. it’s written so, so well. the quality. immaculate. when i found this gem i wanted to cry it was so good. i loved it and i do reread yes. i do. 

by @hajimesh: this fic. 

it’s. a gang bang with the national team + oikawa. literally heaven on earth. i cannot believe i read something as amazing as this for free. so sosososofshfskfsk SO GOOD. it’s like threesomes/foursomes in a gang bang, where the boys take turns with you in groups. there’s so much of everything. it’s perfect in every way, i might shed a tear. i reread this no matter how long it is. just That good. 

by @chicoree: this fic. 

GANG BANG WITH MSBY. you’re atsumu’s girlfriend here, and just. listen. please read this. it’s amazing. i’m so happy i found it. the writing it so good, the smut is so hot, the characterization, everything. just. chef’s kiss. i love it. an absolute gem. definitely worth a reread as well <3 

by @miyaflix: this fic. 

HOW ARE PEOPLE SO GOOD AT WRITING. THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL. ITS GORGEOUS. oikawa x reader x kuroo, where you’re oikawa’s roommate, kuroo’s your best friend (if i remember correctly). the three of you fuck. everything that builds up to it and the actual smut is breathtaking. amazing writing, amazing plot, amazing smut. 10/10. i love it. 

by @wackatoshi: this fic. 

a terushima x reader where you’re his best friend, and you ask him to be your first kiss. it’s so sweet, so cute, adorable, the loveliest softest writing. i adore it. it’s not so long, but it’s not short either. perfect perfect perfect and so sweet. 

by @cafedanslanuit: this fic. 

god. innocent, virgin kageyama and experienced reader, some good ass dry humping. so good. not joking i reread this often. it’s so sweet how kags is a little shy and how he’s so clueless but he’s just losing himself in the pleasure. amazingly well written. i love it love it love it!!! 

by @m-mortimer: this fic. 

another msby gang bang. you’re atsumu’s girlfriend and his teammates all wanna fuck you, so he lets them. a work of art if i do say so myself. literally so, sososo so well written. i adore this piece. like genuinely. words. beautiful. so . so impressive oh my god??? 

genuine thank you to all the authors mentioned here. you’re all so fucking amazing, and i hope you know that. keep writing as beautifully as you do, because you’re all so wonderful and so inspiring and just generally all around incredible people. i love you all and i can’t thank you enough for these gems <333