#Yk that thing where it looks like you aren't trying hard enough if you are just doing what the contract says and nothing more

[cardboxshelter]

My colleagues in my workplace were doing overtime to catch up with the amount of assignments and tasks we have and I was the one opposing it

Now after two months, our boss hasn't paid any overtime work, they got fed up and are quoting me on how we aren't going to do any overtime lmao

[omghallucinations]

When I thought nothing could beat the atz members in keeping Mingi humble, his birth chart proves me otherwise lol. Super Strong Square Factory Squad rise up! #getmeoutofherepls

Anyways I LOVED your take on it, Mingi so interesting, his future love life keeps me more intrigued than a korean drama tbh, will this man find A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP? damn. I think Yunho has certain tendencies as well?? Like there’s two escenarios: bro 1 tells bro 2 he should get out of that toxic relationship WHILE also being in a toxic relationship as well or bro 1 encourages bro 2 to keep fighting in that relationship because things would get better but it doesn’t or because both are lowkey into that type of love so they don’t see anything wrong with it

and with his mood affecting the room, I honestly think it’s pretty accurate! It’s like his whole body language really talked! When he feels awkward (relatable king) yk he does and when he feels relaxed yk he does and for some reason it’s like a loose knot if that make sense? Like it feels so refreshing to see him because he’s comfortable. Anyway bro’s keeping astrology enthusiasts like the discovers of the eighth wonder of the world

mingi is genuinely so fascinating and i keep thinking about like. well just now i'm thinking about jongho saying mingi would just give up and die in a zombie apocalypse which is so funny, i'm sure he'd reprise "no i'm a beast" if asked directly, but jongho read his chronic indecision down like... mingi!!! and before that the thing where the guy just fully was like, u have delusions of grandeur. bro!! like. ok, he does, but like, did you have to say it like that!!! god!!!

he really emanates vibes so hard it's incredible--his face is really transparent and expressive and i feel like i can sense the Vibe through the screen even? and when he's feeling comfy ur right it's so delightful.

i always wonder about if idols like... learn to train their expressions intensely enough for manufacturing fan service or whatever script they're supposed to play or whatever else but honestly i feel like at a certain point or level of subtlety shit cannot be faked that much. read into too much, absolutely, but most people are not great actors. also did kq even have that kind of money for that kind of training lol??? anyway i tend to think idols are more honest than some people assume, if only bc it's exhausting playing a role for so long and also fans don't respond well if they feel like their personalties aren't genuine. like they play a role, of course, but it's an exaggerated version of themselves/a part of themselves just like anyone does when they're in front of people and trying to be entertaining. lmao oops tangent 🙃

oh my god yunho absolutely has some of those toxic relationship tendencies potentially and like... in his chart he looks like he has really intense issues with power and control? like i think he might find those impulses scary in himself. his 6th house taurus venus opposes his 12th house scorpio mars--the scorpio-taurus opposition is already a lot about loyalty, owning, security, that kind of thing, and then you add venus and mars into that and it's like a tug of war between a chill sensible part of him (taurus venus in the 6th) and the extreme part of him (scorpio mars in the 12th). and his 12th house mars is conjunct his ascendant so that is some FUEL there. also venus is conjunct saturn, square neptune--saturn brings a ton of fear into the picture and also rigidity, neptune is like mmm ever met an illusion??? ur gonna love this wool i'm gonna pull over ur eyes let's just lie to urself ok?? add in juno conjunct pluto in his first house... girl there is absolutely a lot of dubious decision making potential here. i do not trust either of these boys to know what a healthy relationship is tbh!! don't lie to me with your big simple sensible eyes yunho i know what you are!! 🧐 and it is not sensible!!*

*i mean he is sensible with most things just not... relationships...

[applepies-and-starlight]

...so I completely forgot that (2) (more) people were interested in Siltcurrent. (Akuma!Ishmael)

Anyway I'm gonna be posting the text under cut because. It's A Lot. And there's a 10 image limit so I can't just screenshot my ramblings

Some Context for LCB moots/readers who have not seen MLB: Akumas are butterflies made by the show's villain (Hawkmoth) who target people experiencing negative emotions, usually said emotions influence how their villain self acts and what their powers are

Extra context for anyone confused: basically a while back I made an AU where Ishmael is the Ladybug (Scarlet Ardor) and Don is the Black Cat (Chatvalier). The aim of the game is bringing glory to yuriville here Also note that they're both in university in a modern AU where we aren't in the shitfest called the City for obvious reasons

Mid edit apple: now should probably be a good time to mention the entire context of the scenario here is that Ishy tries to confess to Don, gets rejected (as Ishmael) and accepted (as Ardor) at the same time. So in attempt to logic away her hurt she tries to figure out why Don likes Ardor better (Ishmael knows Don is Chatvalier (accidental); Don does not know Ishy is Ardor) but in doing so she attracts an Akuma and turns into Siltcurrent thanks faust

Mid edit apple 2: i'd like to clarify that 90% of these writings were written at 3am while i was delirious on sleep deprivation with all of my impulse controls dead on the floor

(Writings will be indented; ramblings will be in bullet points)

So! Siltcurrent! Ishmael Akuma!!

Akumatized late at night (roughly 11pm maybe) but it isn't noticable for the first few days

Illusion subset of powers; Siltcurrent conjures up a form of Ardor to try to keep up some form of normalcy

Omori vibes; as in, everything seems normal but there is something Wrong

Physiology:

Half-blind; Siltcurrent can only identify colors and vague shapes

Exception is Chatvalier/Don, she knows Exactly what to look for and it's Very Hard to trick her

Because Dream Devouring Siltcurrent reference, flouresents!

Bandages. Everywhere. Especially in the heart area

The bandage covering her chest is trying to hide a wound that looks like a lance ran through it

Constantly crying, like deadass her tears are flooding the place

Basically she looks like that fucked up Blind Obsession mer KoishiJSM drew

Oh, yeah, have I mentioned this fucker can break into your dreams?

It gently held her hands, adoration and malice waging war in its one visible eye, both combining into a new emotion that could only be possibly described as obsession.

"I love you," it said, gently kissing above her eye "I love hate love hate love hate..."

Its near-fanatical murmurs eventually petered out into a low whine, resting its head in the crook of her neck.

"You ruin me. Ruin me so much... I hate it I hate it, love you hate you love it love it please keep going please please please..."

(^^ this is a dream sequence; coincides with the last point i made)

(Siltcurrent keeps visiting don's dreams because her horrible compulsion keeps making her do it, otherwise she'd go even more insane for not acting on said compulsions)

Akuma has killed her impulse control so her intrusive thoughts are running rampant

She has at least enough self control to not go... Too Far, at least

(This lack of impulse control from "Ishmael" and "Ardor" is one of the things that tip off Don that something's wrong because honestly she's pretty smart despite what others say)

Very Avoidant of Don (as "Ishmael")

Like. Yk how ayano's like in yansim? Yeah basically

Mild yandere(?) mode now that i think of it

Like. She sees that Don's given someone else more attention than usual too and immediately tracks them down before pestering them about her (mainly like. Asking why she's been around them more, if they learned anything about her during their interactions, etc etc; comes off as overbearing and creepy)

It causes people to steer clear of don because nobody wants to deal with "ishmael"

This one needs screenshots i can't do it justice otherwise

Queequeg's..... Somewhere.

I don't know what exactly happens I just know the end result is that Ahab did A Thing and now our sailor has Trauma. Yk, usual limbus shit

Whatever the fuck happened broke Queequeg and her apart

Idk what it is exactly (could be death or other circumstance, probably the latter because.. cool leg) but whatever it is caused her to not quite. Open Up™ as a defense response

"I've been burned once, I don't want to be burned again"

"Don't go... don't go..."

Torrents of water began to fall from the sky, as if a god had punctured a hole in the clouds. Flooding the place and dragging her under.

"Please don't go..."

The thing pressed its body against her, eye searching for any reaction she had

"Empty... so empty... why do I keep breaking?"

"Why am I always hurt?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

Don woke up again, managing to stifle a shout before she ended up waking the entire household.

(She swore she heard a choked sob off in the distance)

(^^ This one's a little rougher, but also another dream sequence)

(Side note: this one and the previous one were in italics because i used italics to distinguish my writing from my rambling in those entries and i'm too lazy to deitalicize them)

Ardor tentatively stepped towards Chatvalier, smile too stiff to be sincere; too wide to be human, her blue eyes desperately searching for something as she lifted a hand, only to awkwardly let it flop beside her.

(Her eyes were supposed to be green; a near-golden shade of olive that reminded Chatvalier of the first leaves heralding fall.)

"Hey, Chatvalier." Ardor spoke, her voice barely above a whisper yet still carrying through the space between them. "I..."

"Release Lady Ardor at once."

"Ardor's" smile faltered, her hands trembling with some deep-seated emotion.

"Chat, please." Its voice cracked as it took more steps towards the cat, "It's me, It's really-"

"Silence, wretch." Chatvalier spat, lowering her stance and pointing her staff at it. "Thou shall not decieve me; release her at once."

Its smile vanished completely, a tear sliding down its cheek.

Then, with a booming roar, a mighty wave crashed down on the fake.

(^^ beginning of what I like to call "Act 2", basically Don figures out Ishy's gotten Akumatized and something's Wrong with Ardor but instead draws the conclusion that Ishy kidnapped Ardor she mentioned she loved Ardor)

(Don't ask how I know my middle english I don't remember either (and if its janked anywhere please tell me))

Fun fact i originally used cur instead

But then i remembered the word wretch existed and went "yeah that's more in line with an absolutely pissed off Don"

"What do you want from me?!" The Akuma wailed, its head whipping around as it tried to find the flash of gold it so dearly adored, "Why are you doing this to me?!"

It screamed as it felt something stab into its tail, twisting around and throwing Chatvalier off of it, trying to shake off the pain from its mutilates tail

"Have I not told you, cur?" She shouted back, flourescent blood staining her boots as righteous fury burned in her eyes.

"Thou hath harmed mine lady, and it is mine duty to deliver retribution onto thee!"

(^^ I can't fucking figure out how I want the last line to go)

(The tail stabbing is a minor nowhere is north reference lmao; one of my drafts for siltcurrent's appearance is that she has twisted legs for a tail ala Mili's bathtub mermaid art)

Chatvalier watched in both horror and morbid fascination as the akuma writhed on the ground, screaming in frustrated agony as it clawed against its bandages, the fight all but forgotten.

"I DON'T HAVE ARDOR! I CAN'T GIVE HER BACK TO YOU!" It screamed at Chatvalier, tears overflowing as its voice went hoarse, "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO?! WHAT DO I DO?! TELL ME!"

Before she could even formulate a response, or even a short quip, it dug its claws into itself, a guttural roar ripping out of its throat before a sickening thump landed on the rooftop.

A still beating heart rested at Chatvalier's feet.

(^^ something possessed me to write this and it just. Ended up becoming an important thing in my outline)

(Discord between me and @/scriptum-pandemonium (tell me if i you want these off tbe post pls))

Speaking of here's more stuff (spoilered because body horror (vague) which i added because. C'mon, this is a limbus au, i should be able to ramp up the violence to blood and (some) gore levels)

Hell yeah up the gore and horror

HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE HEART

:>

■■■

Delulu this akuma just has multiple hearts, octopus time

Honestly my original idea is that like, through magic bullshit she's still perfectly ok (still in pain because. Literally ripping your heart out. But. Y'know.)

If I may build on the banger lines you put down, maybe when it's over donqui pulls Ishmael in for a long hug just so she can hear the beating of Ishmael's heart in her own chest

:0

(Shoutout to Blue and the gang at Halcandra btw this was largely inspired by Magiajam)

Shaky, labored pants filled the silence between them. The villain's hair - Ishmael's hair, shadowed its face.

Only its eye was visible; the eye looking at her with so much manic hate, sadness, obsession...

Love.

The heart continued to faintly beat.

"Take it." She gasped, a bloodied claw gingerly covering the gaping, bleeding hole in her chest, "just take it and leave."

Chatvalier couldn't. How could she, anyhow? Anyone who saw such a grosteque sight would be paralyzed in shock, too.

A small sniffle snapped her out of her spiral, looking up to find the akuma desperately trying to wipe its tears away.

"Please..." it hiccuped, desperately trying to steady its breathing.

Then, a whisper.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry-"

It started wailing again, babbling a thousand apologies at once as it began to crawl back to the waves.

"I'msorryIcan'tbeherI'msorryIdon'tknowwhyyouloveherI'msorryIcan'terasetheuglymeandbebeautifulforyouI'msorryyouhavetoseemeuglyI'msorryI'mnotperfectforyou-"

Somewhere through the storm of sorrow, Chatvalier found that her feet had tried to bring her to the villain; to Ishmael.

But when she raised a hand to try and stop her, she was already gone.

All that was left was a patch of flourescent, bloodied water, and a single glass shard.

(^^ arguably one of my favorites; I am in so much pain!)

[...] sorry for being not ardor, for being ugly, for not being perfect [...]

It's been a few days since her confession. Ishmael has gotten over the rejection. Definitely. Yeah. It wasn't like... it wasn't like it was the end of the world or anything. She and Don were still friends. (Right?) (Right...) (....hopefully.) No, the self reflection notes weren't about Don. She was just... curious about herself. Yeah, that's it. Nothing to do with how she told her that she reserved her heart for Ardor. (She didn't even question it; she knew Don was Chatvalier, her annoying, endearing, ever loyal partner, who'd gladly throw herself into harm's way if it meant she'd be safe.) Nope. This was only because she saw a curious ad on the internet. A few days ago. (What did she do differently as Ardor?) She checked her notes again; a list of traits she'd describe herself as, another one for the her with the mask. (She impulsively checked her phone for the time.) (A small part of her scolded her for getting distracted so quickly.) What made her and Ardor different? What did she lack outside of the mask. She was just curious; absolutely nothing to do with the proverbial daggers in her heart. Nothing to do with impressing the girl who stole her heart. It's fine. She's fine. She isn't hung over it. It doesn't hurt. Does not hurt at all. Not in the slightest. In fact, she's over the rejection. She's perfectly fine! Just great. Peachy, even. Everything will go back to what it was tomorrow. She shouldn't be fretting over this, the weekends should be enjoyed right? So yes, she's fine. Nothing to worry about. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't... ... "Good evening, Siltcurrent."

(^^ this one's big, I just kinda gave up on editing this to fit tumblr format here)

(Anyway this is me trying to portray OCD and may or may not be me somewhat venting/projecting)

[...] Ishmael desperately trying to logic it together because she's fine it's not even a total rejection, Don Quixote just loved her hero self and not her ordinary self

[...] donqui is a bit self conscious because here she is, rejecting one of her best friends because of a what must seem like a celebrity crush that could never happen

[....] personally I like to think after the Realization™ (figuring out chalier was donqui) Ish started seeing her in a different light [...]

■■■

[...] theres something sad in Ishmael being the only one that realizes the truth, because Ishmael's been the one to see the entirety of Donqui as both a civ and chatvalier, yet Donqui can't because she thinks of ish as two separate people

Part of her is confused as to why Donqui sees it as that (she and Ardor are technically the same person right? They can't be *that* different)

The rest is just. Hurt. And is trying to grasp on straws to logic it away

■■■

Donqui loves ARDOR, which means she could've loved you but she didn't. Because you didn't win her over. Because YOU did something as Ardor so that Ishmael could never compete

Because it is "what does he have that I don't, what can he promise you that I won't" but to yourself

"Ishmael" is borderline manic 90% of the time (like, has the vibes that 1 wrong move will suddenly make her start laughing like a madman before she decks you)

She sometimes gets mental breakdowms over not being able to complete her goal (obtain the miraculous; [Acherontia] assures her that that isn't important right now

Doesn't really help much it just stops her immediate crying and makes her internalize the guilt more

This + her core motivation + everyone now looking at her weirdly compounds into siltcurrent just. Fucking flooding the entire place with her tears (this is when act 2 starts)

Ishmael hovered awkwardly at the edge of the door, practically hiding behind it with the way she positioned herself. "...uh, hey-" She barely started talking before Don was crashed into her, wrapping her arms around Ishmael's waist as she buried her head into her chest. (She could hear the gentle heartbeat under Ishmael's clothes; soft, but steady.) (Strong.) She felt Ishmael flinch at the sudden gesture, but she couldn't find herself to care. "I- woah, now." Ishmael stammered, awkwardly patting Don's head in a subtle attempt to pry her off, "Was... was I really that bad? I know Akumas don't last longer than a day, but..." She trailed off, her ears finally picking up on shallow, stifled gasps as she felt something wet on her shirt. She instinctively wrapped an arm around her, rubbing gentle circles on her back as Don tried to hold back her tears. "Hey, it's okay... I'm okay now." She mumbled, still somewhat awkward from the chain of events, "whatever happened to me is over now, yeah? I'm better now." (She didn't know that Don knew who she was, unaware that a blinded mermaid had begged her to know why it wasn't loved without a mask.) (She didn't know that Chatvalier stood on the roof of a building, holding a bloody, heartless body. Desperately trying to ignore the gaping wound in favor of pretending her Lady was simply asleep.) (If she convinced herself that the blood wasn't real, then perhaps...)

(^^ epilouge scene, basically)

(There are Consequences to gouging out your heart)

Me, at 3am, high on sleep deprivation: i know this is a kid's show, but you know? We've never seen an akumatized villain that was terribly injured detransform before the Cure kicked in

Lady Sonata ex machina I can't have yuri if one of them is dead

The peacock can literally make life from a will and a way ans G is more than competent enough to make ladybug and cat senti-copies to emergency stand in incase one gets incapacitated (also i want a pun on Ardor (Ardoll... heh))

[apopcornkernel]

thank u sm @lisascumslut78 for the tag mwah kiss tayo

how many works do you have on ao3?

48 on apopcornkernel and 23 on poppyf1owers!! the numbers aren't the same as on my profile bc i have some anon works hehe. so that's 71 in total! woag

what's your total ao3 word count?

136,751 on apopcornkernel and 50,067 on poppyf1owers, making 186,818 in total!!! and i have around 70k lying scattered around in my wip drive so :>

what fandoms do you write for?

i started with miraculous ladybug, dipped my toe in asoiaf (specifically jaime/brienne), went into genshin & hsr, and rn all my current writing is going into dc!!

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all this, and love too — spy x family — a whopping 4,379 kudos (??? still don't understand how)

lesterlicious — trials of apollo — 980 kudos (okay woag did not realize the numbers were that big now)

a fine bird nests wisely — hsr, jingfu — 384 kudos (one of my personal favorites dont read the others here just read my jingfu <3)

a chat in disneyland — miraculous ladybug — 337 kudos

Enough — miraculous ladybug — 327 kudos

do you respond to comments?

yes of course!! im just really bad at keeping up but i read and treasure each comment i promise 🥹

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i have an unfinished jingfu fic (propaganda movement chinoy au) where there will be major character death! im really looking forward to finishing that one

as for published works, my friend sent me death threats when i posted redder than february flowers (hsr/jingfu), so I'll answer with that :3

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i think it's gotta be all the stars crowd around the moon <3 just softness and love and warmth <3

do you get hate on fics?

i was about to say i thankfully dont but then i suddenly remembered that single comment i got on a fine bird nests wisely KNCNDVSHAHS let me just grab it for your viewing:

THIS WAS SO FUNNY BECAUSE ON THAT AO3 I HAVE A FIC WHERE CHARACTER A TORTURES CHARACTER B AT THE BEHEST OF SOMEONE ELSE, AND THEN PROCEEDS TO MURDER INNOCENT SUBORDINATES AGAINST CHARACTER B'S WISHES TO ENSURE THERE ARE NO WITNESSES. AND ANON CHOSE TO COMMENT ON PURE BIRD FU XUAN SILLINESS 😭😭😭😭😭

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i do! i have! there's one published (among our other torments not the least) which is wriolyney hate/desk sex, and there's an arlefuri one in my wips which will remain a secret until i finish writing it hehehe cant go spoiling the content yk

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

i dont think i have :0 but i like to transfer concepts into another media, like for example yelone (yelan/pantalone) in a death in the nile plot, or crimson peak !!

have you ever had a fic stolen?

nope, or at least not to my knowledge LOL pls dont do it though

have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! i once wrote just dialogue for a liubai fic in my terrible chinese, tho, and then i translated it into english and added description and everythig!! here it is with the translation

have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes!! i dont think im cut out for it tho because im very bad at powering thru wips. i cant turn my writing on and off like a spigot :(

what's your all time favourite ship?

this is sososo hard and sososo evil but i guess jingfu </3 not thinking much about it rn tho bc im busy witj dc huhu

what's a WIP you want to finish but sometimes doubt you ever will?

JINGFU CHINOY PROPAGANDA MOVEMENT AU, dinahbabs fake dating, vichelena post-breakup situationship, hawk & dove aftermath of titans burning rage and legion of bloom in connection with the mordru arc, yelone crimson peak au, SO MANY . SO SO SO SO MANY

what are your writing strengths?

i genuinely don't know anymore bc my writing changes sm all the time. uhhh. i know how to perfectly format dialogue tags?

what are your writing weaknesses?

i hate starting things i hate too much description,, im also prone to really really long sentences, which i try to cut in half when editing, but sometimes im too tired to edit so...

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

girl im filipino wdyt HAHA

serious answer: absolutely. just make sure your target audience will be able to comprehend ur meaning. do this by either making a translation easily accessible without extra steps, or by making a translation obsolete by clarifying the meaning within the text!

or if you're writing, say, maria clara at ibarra fic, just write in taglish bc ur readers are almost all gonna be filipinos anyways LOL

first fandom you wrote for?

miraculous 😞😞😞 ladybug 😞😞😞😞😞 i wrote a chloe fic for an english assignment it was really bad but it was my first real story ever HAHA

favorite fic you've written?

VERY HARD especially since some of them aren't even published yet. but i will have to go with, again, redder than february flowers <3

tagging: @queer-cosette @theladyfae @hanaasbananas uhh anyone else who sees this and is a writer!!!! thank you for reading til the end LOL

[wishfuldeity]

im just gonna minimal editing thought dump before i try sleep becuase i think i need that

fuckk no yeah im Doing The Thing again. yk, that thing i post about at least like once a week at this point? where my sense self just up and splits off? yeah. that. might be sleep deprivation related. idk. theyre correlated at the very least.

we're not completely separate yet. (we being my body and my mind) (no wait it just kinda happened) yeah ok so from here on out i/me is the mind that does. she/her and sometimes it/its is the body that feels. unless she does something. idk.

i was gonna say she sleeps in too much but like, we're literally up at 3am. have been for the past 2 nights (tonight and yesternight) (as in, was up past 3 last night)

and it doesnt think its a bad thing? like she enjoys drifting in and out of consiousness, at least the concept of it. in practice its a little less interesting but yk

i really do think she just needs someone to hold. someone made of flesh and blood and bones who can listen to her and who she can listen to as well. like it longs to be held but i think she also has the need to comfort. to tell someone else its gonna be okay and believe it with all her being. to be their shoulder to cry on.

hooly shit we're touch starved. i dont usually have the ability to "feel" that i just kinda guess but no, i feel it. shes yearning hard. i know for a fact if she were on hrt she'd be SOBBING about this. plushies are nice and all and do help a little but they aren't living. she needs a living breathing person here

once again not labelling this split as anything. feels less like multiple separate individual things and like two halves of a whole separated with minimal communication between them. my ability to ""sense"" the body's emotions is kinda vibes based.

like i can "see" an emotion and how potent it is but i dont actually feel it really. if it is strong enough she can sometimes do something about it tho which is interesting (like earlier she grabbed the teddy next to her and hugged it hard)

from our (mostly my) minimal research (im unqualified as shit) this feels like it could be depersonalisation-derealisation??? we often get both at the same time so....

do have the classic thing where whenever an... i guess ill call it an episode. whenever an episode happens during the day im always like "it always happens when i think about it" "am i trying to prove something" so it feels like we're faking it but im pretty sure thats just because literally everything feels fake when that happens so.... yeah

like (in shorter term episodes) everything suddenly feels like im looking at it through a screen? like everything becomes flat.

idk. its 4 now. shes eepy and cute. im tired and dont have a separate physical form, so i guess im cute too. its been a surprisingly long day given that we did fucking nothing. again.

she'll snuggle and cuddle her teddy and ill... idk what happens to me when she sleeps

ok on behalf of my body, gn chat!!!! :3:3 she loves you all in the moot way. hugging you petting your hair squishing your cheeks :3 meow

[the-official-account]

Spoons low time for Vellum playlist thoughts

This might be hard because I love Anya and Spar on a "I want to pin you to a table and direct you like a bug" kind of way, but I like vellum in a "I want to attend you lecture series and day dream about asking you out to coffee but I'm too intimidated to" kind of way, like emotionally yk?

We've gone super in depth about Spar's relationships because of the show being set in cloven heart, and it's amazing! On the contrary, a lot of Vellum's big interpersonal beats (that aren't with spar) are being hunted at but haven't taken center stage yet. So I have vibes for him but like I gotta understand what he's packing before I attempt a full dissection, if that makes sense.

The challenge is that Vellum, besides being an actual composer just has suuuuuuuch classical music vibes. I don't know that much classical music. I'm also being drawn towards Motown and Fitzgerald? Though Motown is 60s.

Anyways I have a few albums in mind:

Prelude to cora by ambrose akinmusire

Where the river goes by Wolfgang muthspeil

Can't we be friends? By Ella Fitzgerald and Louis armstrong

Bleed out by the mountain goats (??? I don't know. I'll see)

Another blue by cross legged

New long leg by dry cleaning

Look up by the altogether

I also need to go through my yearning playlists (yes plural. We're queer and I have a fuck ton of playlists) also Fleet foxes albums we're not familiar with, Motown hits cause we don't know the studio well. I'm looking for crooning and trying to avoid the pop-y feel like the plague. Pop is great. It's just not Vellum. He feels like a well placed accidental sounds.

But like. Vellum is strange, because he FEELS like a yearner but like...evolved. he feels like a man who's yearned and missed his shot (maybe it's his history with magic giving me this vibe) and has gotten used to saying "fuck it" in responce. And like. Feels like the kind of person who, maybe like Spar but in a...in a different way, would take a rejection and avoidance "in stride" as in "this deeply affects me but I respect you enough to continue to act like things are chill and normal and chill" (some of this has happened. Low spoons & low memory accesses means I can't cite my sources as well rn) but for Spar and Vellum normal looks very different. Spar's normal is energetic, and so when that's being faked it feels fundamentally different than Vellum's purposefully maintained normal which I would call not faked but forced? Anyways the distinction is crucial to the vibes of the instrumentation, cause Spar can have super upbeat bops with lyrics that are more serious, but I feel like Vellum's song are gonna be more emotionally congestive instead of presenting a contrast, and also mellow in a groovy way but not funky way.

[spacedust-ghost]

I have so many stories of my own I'd love to share...

I have a classmate that's not from the city, she still feels an outsider to all of us, she works, she studies, she misses her family, and one time I told her "you're working hard enough, I'm proud of you" and stuff along the line, she broke crying and we stayed hugging for a good five minutes, and she told me about what was happening to her because she just needed that reassurance of someone being there and seeing her.

A classmate and I are currently working as a lab/teaching assistants for a 1st year course where we didn't have someone to ask for help other than the head teacher, and yk, she can't multiply and solve everyone's queries, so I always try my best to solve everyone's questions and to give them positive reinforcement, or positive feedback in case they're wrong with something. "Hey that's an excellent question!" "Yes, youre right about this! Keep the great job, it is going fantastic!", "It's okay to mess up sometimes, you're learning and it's a process!", "You're fine for not knowing, that's why I'm here, to help you!". Believe me they always end up smiling about it and seem much more motivated for the class. Encouraging them to keep asking and to be curious makes them always more motivated for the class! On the past class, one group got the highest score on the and they came to me like "LOOK! WE FINALLY DID IT!" And the head teacher even drew them a happy celebrating face saying "congrats!". And they got out of the lab all giggling and laughing and smiling when we told them we were proud of them and they deserved it for their hard work!

Not long ago, on a field trip for that same course, when the work was done and we were waiting already for the bus that'd take us back, we were talking with the other lab assistant (this course has 2 sections ergo 2 assistants per section), and she's older than us both, and at one point, she told us "hey I'm proud of you two, you're doing great! You're still early in you careers and already involved in many things and really trying, I see it and I'm proud of you, really" and we both broke crying because, yk, we're really early on our adulthood in that place when no one sees you as a teen anymore, but no adult takes you seriously just yet because you're still too young to know anything. And she saw us. She sees our efforts and our worth and our potential and we've been working harder ever since for the lab because we know someone sees it. And all of us took some time to open up about our lives because we felt safe enough to do so, we even shared some ice cream after!

,,,I could go all day long with stories like this, my point is yes! Kids, teens, even young adults need reinforcement, need someone cheering for them and willing to engage with them, to see them and tell them they're not alone! That their efforts aren't meaningless not go unnoticed! We all need a little more kindness in a society that's become hostile and mean to everyone uu

consider: teenagers aren’t apathetic about everything they’re just used to you shitting all over whatever they show excitement about

[sweetofsin]

i have this thing where i get confused because i can be a bit hyper vigilant when it comes to connecting with other humans and especially romantic relationships because i've rarely seen great examples of that

and so it leads to me feeling like i rarely ever like peoples relationships or their partners cause i start noticing a lot of things where i'm like hm...

and one part of me is like, okay. overprotective mechanisms kicking in. you just want to care for your loved ones

and another part of me is like, conflict is normal, relationships aren't going to be perfect, not all traits will align similarly

but then ANOTHER part of me is like... y'all deserve better. and relationships don't have to be extreme abuse or as bad as your previous relationships in order for people to realize they deserve better

and i get it because i struggle with this at times too. like i won't actively be thinking it, but i've tolerated and put up with certain things because i'm like, well. this isn't THAT bad. like, at least we aren't screaming or yelling at each other. and i'll try to look at the positive traits and stuff of the relationship and really understand the person more to find ways to justify. but then when the connection ends and i look back, im like, hm. There's stuff i shouldn't have tolerated just because it wasn't as harmful as previous connections

but see this is where it gets confusing. because humans gonna human, animals gonna animal. yk? we all have our messy and complex ways. and expecting perfection can lead to misery and loneliness. so it's hard trying to find the line between, "i deserve better than this, i can receive better than this, and it's okay if this clearly is not aligned enough for me." vs. perfectionism (and hyper vigilance) where you're scanning for constant issues/problems. sigh

and then what also gets me is that multi-marginalized people are conditioned to be able to just accept and take crumbs from people. like god forbid we speak up for our needs and say, actually i need more of this and this isn't enough for me. and not coming from a place of greed or entitlement but simply recognizing your body and respecting what it needs. and finding people who are willing to compromise and act accordingly

i guess maybe the solution could be acknowledging what things are non-negotiables and what things are stuff where it's like, meh. this is annoying, but we're all annoying at times. i've been struggling with that balance of like wanting to communicate my needs/feelings whilst also giving people room to be themselves

(also trying to respect that it's different for everyone cause sometimes i hear people experience stuff and it makes me feel very angry. but to them, it's not that deep. although it could be due to them suppressing their emotions too, but i don't have any control over that and that's their autonomy)

i also think the issue with this is that due to me being conditioned to suppress my needs so much, i can end up slipping with boundaries in terms of things. also because sometimes i feel like maybe i am being too strict. maybe i can loosen up a little and adapt to the dynamic at hand. sigh. it doesn't happen that way with everyone but with some people, for sure

[rnebbie]

Hey! If you are taking request can you do one where the teen reader brings their partner on set and they aren't good news? Sebastian and Evans are very protective and try to make you see it and you end up believe them after an incident

Sebastian stan x teen!reader, chris evans x teen!reader, Sebastian stan x coworker!reader, chris evans x coworker!reader, Sebastian stan x platonic!reader, chris evans x platonic!reader

Requested by @youre-amazing-say-it

Readers pronouns: she her :P

Warnings: ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP!!! A lot of gaslighting, he hits her at one point, mentions of killing small lil animals but not explained graphically just mentioned in passing, also mentions of aggression and hitting ppl for no reason… underage sex mentions a few times.. mentions of parents being divorced.. yea… longest list of warnings I’ve ever written!

(A/n): this wasn’t proof read as usual soooo yeah and I don’t really read my fics through so lmk if there’s a mistake or anything. lmk if u wanna be added to my taglist as well! I’ve been mindblowingly stressed lately and might get grounded soon so if I drop off the face of the earth yk why. But I’ll write as much as I can before then. Notes r appreciated, enjoy <3

Filming has felt like it’s been going on for ages. It honestly felt never ending! And as much as you loved your co-workers and never wanted to leave them, filming a superhero movie is hard work.

You even had your 16th birthday on set. Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans were the ones to set up this whole surprise impromptu sweet sixteen for you. Well, as sweet as a sweet sixteen can get on a professional and incredibly expensive set. But the cheap dollar tree birthday decorations fell off all of the surfaces long before anyone had to worry about damaging any props by taking them down.

They even invited your boyfriend! You avoided talking about him on set because you don’t want to appear unprofessional. It’s difficult enough being a teenage girl in this industry. However, Chris and Sebastian are different from anyone you’ve ever worked with before. And definitely different from your average man.

They dragged it out of you after they saw you smiling at your phone. And you told them all about it, Sebastian literally sat on his stomach on the couch in your trailer, kicking his feet back and forth. And Chris sat on your ottoman smiling fondly as you spoke about your boyfriend, the love of your life.

“We met in middle school. In detention,” You mutter quietly, your cheeks flushing pink.

Chris widens his eyes and side glances at Sebastian. You keep your gaze averted to your hands in your lap, playing with your old, chipped nail polish. “Ooh, a bad boy,” Sebastian lightly teases, sensing the shift in the once comfortable environment. “Why were you in detention?” Chris offered with a light smile.

You glance up shyly. You've missed this, being able to be a normal teenager who could sit around with her girlfriends and gossip. Well, Sebastian and Chris weren’t the ‘girlfriends’ you’d made in high school, but they definitely would make do for however long it took to film this godforsaken project. “He spent every Friday after school in detention. He was aggressive, he was a bully, and he would hit his friends just for fun. During free period, my classmates would tell me he killed frogs and rabbits and stuff,” You gush about him with an aura of such delight, but as you progress further into your love speech, you become disgusted with the things you’re saying, and your blind love starts to wear off.

“Anyways, I told off my PE teacher just to be with him in detention. Also, I was just starting my period and he wouldn’t let me sit out, so,” you trail off awkwardly, looking down to your hands to play with them again. An attempt to avert the attention away from your possibly psychopath boyfriend.

Chris and Sebastian are quiet for way too long, but you’re too scared to look up and meet their eyes, scared you’d said something wrong. “How long ago was this?” Chris finally questions quietly, you look up at him and Sebastian, seeing their concerned eyes fall upon your unknowing gaze.

“We were fourteen. He’s not a bad guy. He just had… issues as a kid. His parents were getting divorced and stuff…” you reassured them, guessing what they were thinking from the looks on their faces. You’ve had this talk a hundred times before. With your parents, who have never approved of him. And your friends, some of whom you lost because of your boyfriend. But you figured it only brought the two of you closer together, even if you painfully lost some of your best friends in the process.

“Aren’t your parents divorced?” Chris hesitated softly, you nod with a confused look on your face. “Did you ever punch your classmates in the face?” Sebastian adds. Suddenly you feel very defensive over your boyfriend. He’s had hard times in the past, but no one knows him like you do. No one understands him like you do. No one loves him like you do.

But you can’t articulate any of those feelings, nothing comes out. You open and close your mouth several times to say something, like a fish. But you can’t think of anything, your mind draws a blank. Finally, something; “This is unprofessional. I’d like you to leave.”

…

At your sweet sixteen, Sebastian and Chris had the pleasure of spending time with your boyfriend before you had arrived. Inviting him a little earlier than the rest of the guests. You spoke so highly of him, they figured he felt the same way about you. So they figured he’d know you so well, and he’d like to help set your party up. Only the best for their collective y/n.

When he strolled onto set with both hands free, shoved into his pockets, Sebastian nodded up to gesture and show Chris he was approaching. No words were shared, but the silence said enough as they watched the boy approach them, looking judgemental and smug as he glanced around the room at the cheap decorations.

He nodded his head to the men as he approached them, as his way of greeting them. They glanced at each other before Sebastian spoke, “hey, I’m Sebastian. This is Chris. You’re Jacob?”

“Yeah,” Jacob simply spoke. Not meeting the man’s eyes, seeming extremely bored and uninterested with this conversation and this environment.

“I’ve heard a lot about you, man. It’s great to finally meet you,” Chris added happily, holding his hand out for Jacob to shake. Jacob pressed his lips together in a smile and nodded.

Chris furrowed his brows and held his hand out for a moment longer before bringing it down to grab a piece of tape to attach to a streamer. He kept his mouth closed for the time being.

Sebastian scanned the boy, “gifts or cards or whatever…” he paused, his eyes searching for any sign of anything that could be your type, “you can put them over in that basket.”

Jacob finally opened his mouth to form a sentence, a very bold one at that, “Oh, I’ll give her a present tonight. At her hotel.” He smirked, meeting the both of the men's eyes.

They both paused what they were doing to stare at the boy, speechless. Sebastian’s mouth agape, “We stay in our trailers on set, we don’t have hotels,” Chris explained as he narrowed his eyes and stood up straighter, confused by what this young man might be insinuating.

“Well then, when the trailers ‘rockin…” he courageously esponded, with a daring and fearless tone in his voice. Sebastian bit back the urge to allow his entire body to shiver at the conversation they were having with this boy, who’s conversation could only be held by the topic of sex. And in the context of y/n? They weren’t liking this, not one bit. Especially with the prior knowledge you had informed them of.

Thankfully not long after, more guests started to arrive, and they had other things to focus on, more people to greet, and Jacob moved onto Better things. Tormenting other people.

Further into the night, neither Sebastian nor Chris could shake whst Jacob said to them about you. Neither of them mentioned it to each other, but they had a hard time focusing on anything else.

When you arrived, completely shocked and so thankful, they put on a beautiful front. You didn’t suspect anything was wrong with them. Perhaps because you were so wrapped up in the beauty, the happiness, and the thankfulness because of your coworkers, but also the stress you were automatically filled with when you locked eyes with your boyfriend.

Jacob walked over to you, as you stood in the middle of the room, and he grabbed your waist tightly. He instantly shoved his lips into yours, and forcefully kissed you in front of everyone, all your coworkers, your friends, And the staff and directors and those alike. Those you tried so hard to be professional around.

So here you were, in quite the predicament. You loved your boyfriend, and knew what would happen to you if you made him unhappy or said no to him. But you also had a job to keep, a reputation to withhold, and you were only a teenager, in a very vulnerable state in front of all your coworkers, who you’ve previously done a good job at keeping aspects of your personal life from in the past.

After a shocking second of aggressive making out, you pull away softly, looking up softly into his eyes. You hadn’t seen him in so long, you missed his pretty eyes. You’d rather appreciate him, not his saliva in your mouth. But when you pulled away from the kiss, he looked at you confused, and as you looked at him with happy, innocent eyes, he forcefully pulled his hand off your waist, and for lack of a better word, shoved you off of him, walking away to the drink table.

You would have followed him like you usually do, to console him and apologize and make sure he’s okay. But that reputation. You’re worried that only made it worse. So you attempt to act as if nothing just happened, plastering a large, toothy grin to your face. Walking over to Sebastian and Chris and giving them a huge group hug. The party continued without the awkward silence, and moved on as if there wasn’t just a make out session right in the middle of the room.

You socialize with the party guests, and blush as everyone wishes you a happy sixteenth birthday. You wait until the cake is served and you’ve taken a bite or two of your slice, giving your compliments to the chef, before setting your place down since you couldn’t stomach any more, and walking over to Jacob. Who’s spent the remainder of the party sitting in the corner looking utterly betrayed.

“Hi Jakey,” You softly whisper as you approach him. You place a small kiss on his lips in an attempt to redeem yourself for before.

He shoves you away from him again, not kidding you back, “oh, so now you’re comfortable with kissing?” He asks sternly. You watch his angry figure with dad and confused eyes.

“I just didn’t wanna do it in front of all my coworkers. Jakey, that’s weird, we’re barely sixteen.” You attempted to comfort softly, but he rolled his eyes, stomping out of the party. You were thankful not many people noticed, at least that you could see.

He stomped off of set, you following him quickly behind, attempting to preserve this relationship in any way you can. You figured the downfall was coming soon enough, but you would rather it not be today.

“You never want to kiss me in public. You’re embarrassed of me!” He yells at you. Tears sting your eyes as you accept the fact that you’re back in the toxic environment you worked so hard to leave. This is why secretly you’ve been loving all the production delays and how long it’s taken to wrap filming. You love being away from home, because it means you don’t have to deal with this.

“Jake, I have no problem displaying affection in public! I’m not embarrassed of you, I just don’t think everyone needs to see what we do,” you start strongly, before he cuts you off in annoyance and impatience, “so you’re admitting you think I don’t deserve to be seen with you in public! What, is it because you became an actor? So I’m not good enough for you now because I’m just a high schooler? I’m just Jacob, and ‘oh, look at me I'm big time actor big deal y/n’, huh!? That’s all I am to you!?”

He scoffs angrily, his volume increasing, “And, I was going to give you birthday sex too. Yeah.”

You quietly let his words sink in as you weigh your options and try to think of what to say. Once again your brain is failing you, you have no clue how to react in this situation.

“Get off my set,” You quietly mumble after nearly a minute of silence. He scoffs.

“Get, off of my fucking set,” you growl at him, not moving a muscle. Your brain initially made you consider stepping up to him, but you’re significantly shorter than him, so you decided against that. But it didn’t matter anyway, because he approached you and slapped you directly across the face. You don’t react. Not at all, it barely even phases you and you simply blink.

You don’t have to say anything else, as he slowly makes his way off the set and out of the parking lot, towards the bus station. But you don’t care where he’s going or how he’s getting there. You just hope he stays gone.

As you watch his silhouette fade into the street lamps and surrounding scrambling bodies going in all different directions, you hear two people running up behind you. You don’t need to turn around or hear their voices to know they’re Sebastian and Chris.

“Are you okay?” Sebastian worried, cradling your cheek. “That little shit slapped you,” Chris huffed angrily as he watched his body emerge.

“He does that to me all the time. It’s just because we watched it in a movie together, it’s just an inside joke.” You quietly stare into the distance blankly.

“Y/n,” Sebastian says, looking into your helpless innocent eyes.

“No, it’s not,” Chris says softly.

“No, it’s not.” You whisper quietly.

That’s the first time you came clean, the first time you realized something was wrong. The first time you stopped lying about the things he did to you and how he made you feel. The first time you stopped letting him isolate you from everyone else.

You reconnected with the friends you lost because of him. The first time in a long time you had an open, honest conversation with your parents. You spoke in passing about things he did to you, and didn’t rush to excuse his behavior. You let speculation be speculation, because the speculation was fact. And you had the trauma to prove it.

You talked to Sebastian and Chris about it a lot. They were there to listen to it all, they welcomed you In with open arms. Lucky for you filming didn’t wrap for several months after your sweet sixteen, after your sophomore year of high school ended, during summer break. So you didn’t have to worry about seeing Jacob or purposely getting yourself sentenced to detention to make out with him much to the dismay of the detention supervisor of the day.

And lucky for you, when junior year started, after weeks of freaking out and crying and calling Sebastian and Chris, you found out that Jacob had moved upstate to live with his mother, because she got custody.

…

Taglist: @ohworm-writes @spidyyparker @littlemortals @americaarse plz lmk if u wanna be added x <3 have a great day. Love u

[yichimi]

Hi! I would like to request obey me head cannons, specifically Levi and Satan! Thank you!!!

✨Thank you for your request and patience✨

A/N: ayyy i really hope i do this right this is my first request and i wanna do it right! So thanks a lot ✨♥️

Leviathan and Satan boyfriend headcanons

LEVIATHAN:

You two are literally the couple that is so cute it's actually disgusting-

But of course it took Levi and you a while to even get there

Levi was shy from the start on

It was a friend's to lovers kind of thing-

He warmed up to you as a friend and is really happy to have you as a friend by his side

But soon both of you catched feelings and suddenly all the awkwardness cake back to him

It took him at least 2 or 3 good weeks to even try to hold your hand

He was nervous for the most smallest things that are not a big deal, he over thought everything to much-

But things quickly changed as he got used to it! He's only a bit more nervous in public that's all ^^

You honestly got the best boyfriend of all if you want any type of merch, mangas, figures or cosplay costumes or anything like that, because he's the one who knows where to get the best stuff!

You just need to say a word and BOOM! the next day you'll have it

He really loves to see you smile btw osnwosisod

Oh and pleaaaaase play some video games with him! He'd really adore you being his player two (even tho it's a cliché)

And before i forget it, if you cosplay you now have a partner to do it with. He's always up for it and actually loves (even though he gets shy) when you do his make up too

You + Ruri-chan cosplay = ✨ Perfection✨

(you were perfection before✨♥️)

Like i said, it took him weeks to get to hold your hand and it's still a struggle in public. But in private it's something else, when he holds your hand and feels your fingers around his he feels calm and can sometimes really forget about what upset him in that moment

Soooo he's the avatar of envy soooo-consider him being very jelly jelly when his brothers are near you or way to close

He likes to have you close by his side or just even near him so he can have an eye on you

Yk he works very hard on the relationship with you he's not going to let one of his brothers just take you away ykyk

He also actually has a playlist for you!...he actually has many, like for both of you, or songs that remind him of you, songs that give him comfort when you aren't there, your favorite songs, your favorite anime openings and endings, and so much more

He really wants to make you happy so he always remembers and trys really hard to remember too what you like and dislike

He sometimes even writes them down on notes

Levi can remember literally every single anime and character you told him about

Or what type of games you like

Or songs

Or food

Or places

Or just literally everything at all-

SATAN:

First of all, if you're in a relationship with this handsome man right there, expect at least 3 cat pics a day from him

Sometimes he'll even say the cat reminded him of you of how cute or beautiful it looks

Soooo i don't wanna talk about Satan and cats all the time becouse he's not only about cat's-

This man wants and will try to cuddle you and read with you and make you tried just so he can see you asleep in his arms and feel like he's the one who protects you right now

Feels kinda prideful of the fact that you chose him, and not one of his brothers (and definitely Lucifer)

And if Lucifer happens to like you, Satan will brag to him no end and tease him-

Satan is your daily reminder of anything (my weird headcanon), you have a doctor's appointment? He's the one who reminds you of it

Homework? Satan is on his way to tell you you need to do it (with his help of course)

You didn't drank enough today? This man will literally drown you then-

And if you feel down or sad he's always there for you whenever you need him

Deep talks are a must when you're with Satan, they basically happen every night and it's the best comfort actually

Satan has sooo many books in his room you're literally in paradise when you love reading as much as him. And if not it's still fine because you can still use these books for your own need, like when you need them for some sort of project or anything like that, ykyk for studys-

Dates are best because 1. Satan is gonna take you to the most beautiful places you never saw before and 2. He knows Lucifer will be damn annoyed in the end that you both snuck out

So it's a plus for both of you-

Fun fact: he confessed to you when he was mad he just babbled it out and realized later

He was mad and jealous at how close you and Lucifer sat together at dinner and how much he talked to you-

Did Satan took and still takes you on a date in the cat cafe?

He sure does-

Does he regret it?

Hell no!

It never gets boring to pet such cute and fluffy cat's

[celest1all]

if i fix you

pairing: kenma kozume x fem!reader

summary: kenma struggles w life, and reader helps him, or so she thinks.

warnings: angst, shouting, mention of suicide but extremely vague, mean!kenma, ooc!kenma, idk this is shit.

authors note: so yk phoebe bridgers and those lyrics where it goes "if i fix you, will you hate me" well that's this lmao but it is very shit so read at ur own risk

kenma refused to believe that he would find waking up every morning a massive struggle. something he used to think was so easy and a minuscule part of his day was now the hardest part. he couldn't face the day ahead, not if it was going to be the same as the last.

you noticed. you were always an observer and somewhat a people watcher, and that's what you did. kenma was your friend, and that's what friends do, right? they look out for them and make sure they are okay.

before you would just make sure he had eaten and slept the night before as you were very aware of his gaming habits, but then that quickly turned into noticing little things here and there. how he stopped playing on his switch, and how he would have dark circles under his eyes no matter what.

you were worried, very worried. you recognised those signs, you yourself had gone through them so of course you were concerned for the well-being of your friend. and you believed that you had to do something.

kenma trudged into school, eyes focused on the floor and avoiding eye contact with everyone and anyone. his half blond hair stood out from the crowd, making it easy for you to clock him.

your eyes widened as you saw him in the corridor, legs moving before you even realised. "kenma," you said a little louder than your normal volume, but less than a shout so people wouldn't turn around and look.

kenma on the other hand, he simply ignored your beckon. he heard it, he could recognise your voice from a mile away, but he hadn't the energy to even turn his body. instead he got out his phone and began typing (well it was more fake typing), trying to focus on something other than your form getting closer and closer.

"didn't you hear me?" you ask, brows furrowed as you looked at him. ah, so you are here now, he thought. kenma simply shrugged. "oh, i musn't have said it loud enough then."

"guess so," his voice was hoarse from not using it as much, and he prayed that you didn't notice.

you watched the way he winced to himself, but you put it to the back of your mind. "anyway, i was wondering if you would like to come over later?" you smiled lightly at him, fingers crossed that he would say yes.

"got other plans." he stated simply, leaving no room for debate. he could see your face fall out the corner of his eye but he payed no mind to it, he couldn't be bothered for all that today.

"oh come on," you nudge him slightly with a smile still on your lips, trying to ignore the sense of rejection. "we haven't hung out in ages. please?" you flutter your eyelashes at him, eyes wide.

kenma just stared into them, bored. "no." he began to walk away from you, his head starting to pound. at that moment, he also realised that it was now silent, everyone had gone to class. it was just you and kenma. kenma and you. and no one else.

as you watched his retreating figure, your mind ran wild trying to think of anything to say to him, to either persuade him to take you up on the offer of him coming over or to somehow talk to him now.

with no other option, you hollered down the hall, "i know you're not okay." your voice reverberated through the hall and into kenma's ears, making him stop in his place.

what did you just say?, he thought to himself.

swivelling in his place, he turned to face you. "what?" his words were hard, daring you to say it again.

you bit your lip, worry slowly seeping into your soul. even though kenma was feet away from you, you could feel his anger slowly increase. deciding to carry on with what you were saying (might as well go all out now), you edged closer to him. "i know that you aren't okay." this time your voice was quieter, and your words were full of concern for your friend.

kenma scoffed at you, "you don't know shit."

you ignored how harsh his words were and put it off as not knowing how to deal with his feelings and that he didn't mean it. "i know you kenma, and i can tell that you aren't okay."

instead of you moving closer to him, this time it was him. you could hear the loud thumps of his shoes hitting the floor, it vibrating through your body rather menacingly.

"well you obviously don't know me as well as you thought because i'm fine." he raised his eyebrow at you, smirking slightly.

"really?" you ask, "are you?"

"the fucks that supposed to mean?" he curses, now in front of you.

"are you really fine?" you elaborate, trying to ignore how nice he smelt. even when he was clearly going through, he still smelt amazing.

you watched him roll his eyes at you, "what, do you think you know me better than i know myself?"

you frowned at him, shaking your head at him. "no of course not, you know that's not what i meant--"

"then what did you mean then? huh?" he asks condescendingly, eyes scanning your face.

you could feel how angry he was getting, and you were getting more concerned for him with each passing second. this wasn't like the kenma you knew, and it was weird to see. you didn't like it.

you took a deep breath and looked at him, "look, i've noticed a few things and i'm worried about you. you look like you haven't slept in days, and you barely talk to anyone anymore."

the reaction you got was not one you expected. he laughed. "and you think that, what, i'm depressed? is that what you're getting at?"

you shrug at him, not know how to respond. in all honesty, you didn't really expect for this to get to this point. "i just want to help you."

"oh!" he laughs again, it echoing and sending shivers down your spine. "you want to help me?" he watched you nod your head at him. "what is this, have you got some kind of saviour complex or some shit?"

"what? no, of course not!" you were taken aback by accusation, why would he think that?"

"so you just wanna fix me, is that it?" he started getting very close to you, so close you could feel he breath on your face. "or is it because you wanna feel like your capable of something for once?"

the word kenma spat at you hit you harder than anything that had ever been said to you. you didn't believe that kenma kozume, you friend for ten plus years would say such horrid words to you. to someone he claimed to love years ago.

"stop," you say just above a whisper.

"i always knew that you were pathetic y/n, but this," he scoffs again, his tongue wetting his lips whilst staring into your now teary eyes, "this is a whole new level of pathetic."

the tears you were trying to hold back were now falling freely down your face, and dropping onto the cold hard flooring of your school. "please stop." you whisper again, not having enough in you to say it louder.

"maybe you're the one who needs fixing, have you ever thought about that? if you're so convinced that--"

before he was able to finish his sentence, you shout "just stop it!" and push him forward, making him stumble back slightly.

kenma was surprised at your actions, his eyes widening. he knew what he was saying was wrong, and he could never take it back, but he didn't care. he didn't care about anything. not you, not himself, not anyone. he just didn't care.

"how dare you?" your tears were now falling faster than before, "you are so fucking ungrateful, kenma." you clench your hands, your nails digging into your fists. "so you know what," you wipe your tears and look at him dead in the eyes "i'm done."

kenma watches you, not being able to form any words. he stared at you as you walk straight past him, barging into his shoulder as you do so. "oh and you know what," you turn to look at him over your shoulder, him looking back at you "go ahead and slowly kill yourself, but don't say i didn't try and help you."

your words were full of hatred, going straight though kenma's heart. sad thing was, he couldn't blame you. not after what he said to you, hell, he deserved it after what he said. he deserved everything.

[catcze]

TAKING INSPIRATION ANON IS BACK. Taking inspo from ship your anons anon, assign your mutuals a genshin date and couple costume (since it's Halloween soon) this time!

KaHASDKJN WELCOME BACK ALSO DEAREST <3 Glad you're still here ! :D

Okok all moots that I'm listing are off the top of my head! No hard feelings to those who aren't mentioned! Also, like usual, I tried to give my moots someone aside from their usual fave just to mix things up a bit 😌 Also omg these took a while because man really tried to think for these ajknsda Note: these can be taken as platonic or romantic !! Whichever suits y’all better 💞

@awlumii

I can totally see Shiloh having a halloween date with Tighnari! As for costumes, I don’t think either of them would go, like, all out right–– but they would still make an effort to be in the halloween spirit. Sooooo I think that they’d go for something up the avenue of ‘forest spirits’? Bc I can so see Mars and Tighnari incorporating vines and flowers into their costumes, and having like jewelry and accessories on them that appear like they’re made of vines! I don’t think either of them would really go to any parties in their costumes, though. I can instead see the two of them going somewhere quiet, like this really cute hole-in-the-wall café that’s offering discounts to patrons who come in costume, and just chilling out there for most of the evening.

@kazeyu

Yoi I can definitely see spending halloween together with Yun Jin! Those two feel like they’d be so enthusiastic for the season together! Yun Jin would enjoy being able to go out and wear costumes that, although they might not be as grand as the ones she wears for opera, are still very much enjoyable and fun to walk around in! I can see the two of them wearing something some cheesy and cliche but still very cute costumes–– lowkey I can see them both wearing vampire outfits? Like with the high collars, fake fangs and black capes! Those two would be such a blast when they go trick-or-treating. The people giving out candy would find their enthusiasm infectious, and the kids that would follow them both around like ducklings would have so much fun, too.

@i23kazu

Ying I can see hanging out with Ayaka! These two seem so chill and down-to-earth, but would also enjoy the festivities a lot, yk? For these twoooo... I can see them doing something simple like putting on a white dress or a white top and donning on a pair of angel wings! These two don’t strike me as types to go to big halloween parties–– instead, I see them both going to a party held by a close-knit group of friends. Something simple and chill, where they play stupid yet fun games together and laugh until their sides hurt. Where they all pitch in and try to make halloween-shaped cookies and, honestly Ayaka and Ying whole hard carry those cookies and are the main reason they came out unscathed. Those two would take lots and lots of photos throughout the night, too–– sweet n cute memories to look back on in the future!

@taintedsorrcw

Lena spends her halloween with Yae Miko! Now these two–– hands down, I can tell you these two show up in the hottest halloween fits. Not quite slutty tbh, but deffo in something enough to make anyone go ‘damn.’ I’m personally torn between giving them demon costumes or kitsune costumes so!! why not demon kitsune costumes? it’s halloween bro anyone can dress however they want lmao. Funny enough though, I don’t really see either of them going to any parties, either. Instead, I can see Lena and Yae making the most of the busy night where everyone is somewhere else and absolute going to town on some of the shops. That ice cream store that you usually have to wait an hour in line at? These two get their ice cream in 5 mins tops. That cafe that you basically have to fight someone to get a table? Tonight, these two can sit wherever they’d like.

@scaranya

I can see Nya spending their time with Yelan! These two strike me as people who would much rather stay inside, rather than deal with the rush and the chatter of halloween. They can appreciate it and how happy it makes others, of course, but these two would rather stay inside instead, yk? I can see them doing something like simply putting on some cat ears, and trying to draw cat whiskers (and inevitably ending up laughing) on each other. These two I can see being more chill–– spending the evening watching movies together, chilling, baking some cookies just to participate in the halloween mood. I can see them building a pillow fort in the living room, too! full of fluffy pillows and warm lights while the tv plays movies late into the night.

@seelestia

For halloween, I can see Lia hanging with Thoma! I feel like these two would be really fun during halloween and that, give enough time, they could prepare a pair of costumes that make people think it’s professional-level, y’know? as for what they’re wearing, I’m thinking these two could really rock something inspired by the motifs of ancient deities. Now, I’m not exactly sure which deities these two would dress up as because whoa there’s a whole lot of potential there and not enough time for me to run my mouth, but these two would absolutely kill their costumes. They’d have all the relevant props ready and looking so well-made, their costumes would be impeccably put-together and distinct for each deity they had taken inspiration from, but still remains cohesive enough that anyone could tell those two came as a pair. I can genuinely see these two going to some kind of halloween party and basically winning their costume party by a whole landslide! They’d spend the rest of the evening basically being treated as deities, funny enough, and would be asked for lots and lots of photos and would be given a bunch of compliments on their costumes!

[treatbuckywkisses]

so much is happening i want to scream:(

the way my job gives me so much anxiety it's not even funny. that place is a fucking disaster. i get told im going to be part time and im out here working 40hrs a week, and i dont even get my second break usually like im supposed to. there aren't enough people in the department i work in and they pull people from it for other departments anyway. one of our team leads basically told us all our sections looked like shit tonight and he was going to walk us though it and make us tell him everything we did wrong. i was stuck somewhere else for most of my shift and couldn't work on my section, so when i tell you i was so scared dude you don't even fucking know lmao i literally cried because I'm still new and i didn't want them to think i did a bad job or im not cut out for it or whatever. and he never even showed up. he said it to "scare us into doing our work" and im so mad about it. i almost threw up for that ??

im so fucking tired and dehydrated and it's so hot in there i barely even eat on my lunch break and when i get home after my 8hr shift. i can't tell if im losing weight (unhealthy obvi) or if i have looked like this and didn't know lol so i just try not to look at myself if i can help it bc what.

i never really know what i look like, but when i do, it's ugly and i hate it.

also im working on moving into an apartment (i say 'me' but im not alone sgsksh) idk living is hard yk it's a lot and it's stupid and where my stuff is im not even staying bc sarah is a fucking bitch for no reason and i will hurt her feelings if she looks at me so yeah there's like so much shit happening and I'm so overwhelmed like hello i can actually only do so much pls why

anyways i am really tired and i want to cry and sleep forever and ever:( is this what happens when you keep things 'bottled up' lol

omg also? i haven't gotten my period yet like since April and im 🥴🤨 bc where is she yk and then im like babe you're literally a ball of fucking stress and anxiety please take a Xanax but back to stress im so worried i will get my period on my 8hr shift with nothing and i don't drive myself so that is like extra fun yk wow

the way i have never talked so much and i do it like this where nobody will read it sgskdgd this is who i am as a person irl though so congrats if u read this ig hello

also since I'm fucking word vomiting i guess and ive already come to terms with how nobody will read this, i hate this place. like tumblr i mean. idk it just like sucks to feel like you deserve more than you get yk and i actually am allowed to say that. my moodboards do not do nearly as good as i would like to think they would when i make them and it sucks. because believe it or not i start out thinking they're so pretty and the lack of interaction makes me doubt my own abilities and i hate that. and how I have so many "followers" with the amount of notes i get LOL what a joke actually. especially when they're also content creators. why are you even following me then yk like i only provide one thing and you don't even seem to like it so what are you doing here. it's annoying honestly. how can a content creator be the one not giving support. smh.

i think i need to go to sleep bc idk what i just said and if anyone reads this i feel like ppl will be mad at me so that's where I'm at lolllllll i h8 myself <3

[bereaving]

You definitely don't need to apologize for that 😆 I do that too...

For me it's different cause I love the horror genre. Like not this random, boring clichee sort of horror but this really subtle and deep horror like in Hill House. I'm a huge fan of it. For me it wasn't really important what's it about, I just wanted to continue this anthology.  

A lot of people say that honestly 🤔 it's different when you watch Bly first and then Hill House. But they both have a lot of similarities and I love that. 

She is! And it's for sure that most of the time where people were going through a traumatic childhood, they turned out to be assholes. Like we have an example right next to Jamie on the same show - Peter. He went through that as a kid and he turned out to be abusive and toxic, mostly. So it's great to see that there's a different way to go with that or to deal with everything Jamie had to deal with as a kid and how she turned out to be as an adult.  

So yeah that's really nice to see that people aren't the way you first think they are by how they act, you just need to get to know them and we did after her fantastic speech. I can't tell you how often I watched that because its one of my favorite scenes in the whole season. She definitely is one of the most important characters on the show. It's also a beautiful reference to how a flower needs it time to bloom and so do people, like you said. 

I mean she's definitely holding herself back a bit, and she tries to wrap her flirting and overall conversations with Dani up with humor. I think that's a great way of showing someone you really care about them without being too forward. So yeah I agree with you on that she would make a move if she'd be completely sure that's it okay for Dani too. But she would definitely do it in a Jamie - like - way 😂 like acting all cool and being funny yk 

Dani is bold af 😆 like she has shown us that so many times and it is refreshing to see. Cause if I'm being honest I didn't think of her that way when I first saw her. I thought she's cute and all but when I first got to know her backstory a bit I immediately changed my mind. Also the scene she had with Henry at the bar was bold af, I'd  have never done that for sure 😅

And then everything that happens around her at Bly and with Jamie, no doubt at all. 

Haha I had to laugh when Jamie said "who the hell knew" 😂 that was awesome and also gave Dani a feeling of relief. That was the first time she expressed her feelings, her real feelings, to someone she likes so much and no one blamed her for that.

I guess you can see it both ways. I hated how they decided to end it, like they just gave us all and then in the end they took it all away 😪 just seeing how Dani sacrificed herself and then no one even remembered her and she just has no choice but going to Bly again and die there, it was so hard to watch and to accept. And there's Jamie,  alone, with just the memories of Dani and she keeps waiting for her to return till the end... that's just heartbreaking and I need to hold back myself from crying every time I even think about it. 

It is a masterpiece, no doubt, but I just wish they would let them finally be happy for the rest of their days.

Yeah that's the thing when you watch Bly first I guess 😅 I knew Victoria will be in season 2, too. So I wasn't as surprised about it, but the fact that she played Nell just makes it change a bit. She nails playing those characters with real struggles and she brings them to life in a way I've never seen anybody do it 💯 her microexpressions are so spot on, like I don't even know what to say about it. These two characters are stucked in my head too. Dani a bit more than Nell but that's just because it's so long ago when I watched Hill House. 

I mean definitely! I hope Amelia stays on the horror path that would be great for me 😂 also same here, I won't watch YOU I don't know why but it's probably the show in general seems to be not really my thing 😕 unfortunately I have to say...cause i don't get to see Victoria

I really hope they bring them both back to The Haunting Series, I'd love to see Amelia back there and Victoria too 👌 but I guess we have to wait a long time for that 

We goin’ under the cut again because this one is also long, my friend haha

A horror two-timer such as myself really doesn’t have any other opinion other than the ones I’ve seen: Bly is and feels more gothic, whereas Hill House is more... I guess classically horror. They are both fantastic, and tbh I had no idea this is what horror does. I’d never looked into horror as a way of expanding the story, and Mike and his team had done that beautifully with The Haunting. Hours after I’d published the ask it occurred to me that the answer was so engrossed with Dani and Jamie that I’d completely forgotten to write about Peter lol whoops. He and Jamie are really two opposites of the spectrum. And in episode 7, I get that the whole deal for that is to get a better insight into his background, and what shapes him and what made him the way that he is. I enjoyed it as a casual watcher, and I liked OJC’s portrayal of him, but to be completely honest, I left that episode with very little added empathy for him. I’ve seen people like him enough both in real life and in fictional portrayals. I know what it’s like to be in the presence of people like him, and it is not in any way pleasant. So yeah, Peter, as this post so eloquently put it, can choke.

Jamie on the other hand... 🥰 Have I mentioned I love her? Lemme just say it again, just because.

Re: “I’m so glad you stayed” scene: That whole tracking shot... ugh, it just gives me goosebumps. I have seen it more than once and every time I need the scene for GIFs or anything, I’d always watch from the moment Owen’s car drives away. These two smol wives own my heart and my soul, and I love them a lot a lot.

Re: the ending Completely understand where you’re coming from, and it’s not something that I can casually think about or even try to sit with without some sort of mental preparation -- like taking a deep breath before you go for a deep dive. It still hurts, I still get sad and cry about the way their story had to end. But, that being said, to me it doesn’t feel like a disservice to their journey. It wasn’t done just for the sake of dramatization, or to show any kind of... hidden morality message, or anything like that. There’s no agenda to the story, is maybe a more succinct way of putting it. Just like any other couples we would see on screen, it treats them with respect. I think we all wish, deep down inside, that they would be able to shake off The Lady and live their best lives, but... I don’t know. Personally, I don’t think it would’ve stayed or created this big of an impact if they were to just ride off into the sunset together. 

Another thing to add is how good Bly is at exaggerating and amplifying aspects of real life and making it to be an element of the story. Some people forget you, some people will always wait for you and want to be with you. Some things, you do without thinking and it becomes a habit. Sometimes you lose yourself. Sometimes you’re stuck in circumstances or places you don’t really want to be in, but have to due to obligations and responsibilities. Some places really do have a pull of their own. Sometimes people love wrong, and it consumes you. Sometimes people love right, and it saves you. Maybe that’s just me and my takeaway from it, though. Last time I said Bly has changed the course of my 2020, and by that I mean that it’s taught me to have feelings again, to re-examine things, to care. And I just... love this series. Sadness and all.

MOVING ON 😆 I bow to Victoria. Ari ( @camhowes ) was the one who encouraged me to watch Bly in the first place, and so naturally once I started Hill House I messaged her and said, “I can’t believe Dani and Nell are played by THE SAME ACTRESS???????????” My freak out over her is not over yet, and I am begging anyone to let her be in all the things. I’ll fucking watch it (again... other than You) The way Nell breaks my heart... One of my friends who’s been a long Hill House champ has repeatedly said to me that Theo is the most fascinating sibling, and while I agree to a certain extent... Nell has my heart.

When it comes to Netflix’s You... to be completely blunt, a story that is pitched as “stalker man show, he kills people” is just not gonna appeal to me in general. No offense to anyone but there are just too many men I do not give a squat about. I don’t know if my resolve with this show will change. There’s been a couple sets of Love Quinn that I’ve seen (when she goes to the market in a beanie, or when she’s cooking and baking and drinking wine, or when she apparently went full on revenge baking mode) that are intriguing and is chipping away at my resolve, but... yeah, for the moment, I’m staying away from that series.

And I’m just gonna put a thought out into the universe, that if Miss Amelia Eve is hiring anyone to help her with her dog-walking business, I am available and can start ASAP.

[perdidit-vulpes]

.

hnnngggg can my therapist please NOT try to force down my throat the idea that ALL of my issues stem from my ed and ONLY my ed. idk it kinda feels bad that you're ignoring how i'm. autistic and i have poor social skills. the issue is also that i'm trying to learn how to unmask around my friends and it's really fucking hard because i don't know where the mask ends and i begin and i'm trying to prioritise my happiness over the technicalities. idk it kinda makes me feel like you're invalidating all of the work i've put into myself over the past two years and you keep making assumptions about me that just. aren't true. because i've done a lot of work to make sure they aren't true. surprise surprise i don't usually hate myself. i'm happy with the way i am. i enjoy myself. i like my body because i'm in it i like the way i look because that's how i look and my only physical insecurities at the moment are my sh scars and the way my knees look when they're locked idk it always looks weird despite it being yk. normal. i'm self confident. actually. i consider myself pretty self confident. yeah i haven't been in the past but. i can. yk. change. i'm happy with it. i'm happy that i'm confident enough to dance in public and wear things that make me happy and talk about my interests loudly. yeah i'm still depressed and anxious as shit and i have loads of other things wrong with me but. i'm getting better and you're not acknowledging any of that. i'm happy that my school friends stay school friends despite how close we get and i'm happy with the amount of online friends i have. i don't want change i just. want to accept myself as-is. yeah there's always room for improvement but i want to be happy and okay with myself now. this is the most consistently happy i've been in years. in school, complaining about my teachers, taking friday nights off to doink around with my friends, surrounded with people i love that care about me. i wouldn't trade it for anything. this is the way things are and i'm happy. putting my whole pussy into recovery isn't what i want right now, i'm happy half assing it. just. drop the subject, please. for fucks sake.

[bisluthq]

I love your points about queerbaiting. There is this weird insistence that nobody should play anything but themselves but then you're actively ensuring that a divide continues to exist because we aren't normalizing safe experimentation. Not everyone knows if they are gay or bi or comphet or even cis till they try it because of how heteronormative our world is. And you know what? Maybe I WANT to see my favorite cis het actress smooch another woman on screen. It's so weird because people gatekeep the queer experience, "if they aren't openly LGBT don't assume they are LGBT" well then don't assume that they are het or cis either.

It's like saying nobody can play an amputee unless they chop their limb off.

Look, I’ve actually spoken about the disability thing before because like the importance of hiring disabled actors is they can’t play able bodied. If your film or plot line has the person in a wheelchair the whole time, hiring someone in a wheelchair will give that marginalized performer a great opportunity. Obviously if the plot has an accident or depicts a neurodegenerative thing or something that won’t work but like if you have a story of a dude in a wheelchair or a story of a blind person or deaf person hire the disabled performers.

With trans issues I think that’s a similar problem where 1) there aren’t that many trans characters and it is hard for trans actors to get cast playing cis - some might be able to but if they don’t “pass” well enough then literally the only possible jobs are for trans characters and giving that to a cis actor takes that opportunity away 2) if the actor just crossdresses that implies the trans experience is a costume you out in and take off and that’s fucked up.

Openly queer actors do generally take a knock on opportunities too so casting queer actors in general - whether it’s a gay character or not - is important.

Idk why we need everyone to only play their sexual orientation though. It legit seems reductive and silly and like… the death of acting idk.

I also hate this idea that everyone has to know exactly what they are and issue a 10 page statement confirming their identity (and still get accused of lying) like Harry’s right on this yk WHO CARES? Why can’t we just let people live their lives when it comes to loving and fucking and stuff?