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savefilescomng12 · 7 months ago

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The end of the world is trending. Why are we so obsessed with the apocalypse?

It's the end of the world as we know it, and Jay Baruchel feels fine.On the second season of his Crave series We're All Gonna Die (Even Jay Baruchel), which launched last week, the host and namesake explores several possible apocalyptic scenarios, from insect extinction to a world ruled by artificial intelligence."I think we are all understandably anxious and constantly at odds with the world and civilization," Baruchel told CBC News recently. "And so when we get to, like, have a moment where we can go, 'Yeah, it's a garbage fire,' I think there is like a strange relief."The Ottawa actor is not alone in his fascination with the end times, if streaming services and the box office are any indication. Canadian director Caitlin Cronenberg released her debut feature film Humane on Friday, a dark comedy featuring Baruchel that imagines a not-so-distant future where overpopulation is addressed with human culls.Alex Garland's dystopian Civil War has topped the box office two weekends in a row, while post-apocalyptic TV series Fallout, based on a popular video game, is No. 1 on Amazon Prime.This comes on the heels of other massively successful apocalyptic shows like HBO's The Last of Us and Netflix movie Leave the World Behind, which featured stars Julia Roberts and Mahershala Ali.

Caitlin Cronenberg walks the red carpet for the premier of her debut feature film, Humane, in Toronto, on April 17. (Evan Mitsui/CBC)

'More popular than ever'

Chris Begley, an archaeologist and author of The Next Apocalypse: The Art and Science of Survival, says apocalyptic narratives in the media have always been a reflection of the times, going all the way back to ancient religious texts.He suspects the current wave is driven by the anxiety people feel about issues such as climate change and political uncertainty. "One thing is clear: apocalyptic narratives are more popular than ever," Begley said. He says the first few months of the COVID-19 pandemic were the closest thing many audiences have experienced to a potential apocalyptic scenario. Real-life events such as the pandemic, worsening wildfires and rising sea levels encourage us to imagine those futures.And even if the overall messaging feels dark, the narratives contain aspects of life many people want."If you think about some of these apocalyptic narratives, it really is like resetting everything. You're getting rid of the baggage. You're able to start anew, or perhaps you're able to have this ideal future that mirrors in some ways the things you wish would happen," Begley said.

'New technology' tapping into 'a very old desire'

Coltan Scrivner, a behavioural scientist who studies horror, true crime and morbid curiosity, says while humans have always been drawn to apocalyptic tales, we now have more ways using modern special effects of telling those tales in compelling ways."That's part of it, just using new technology to tap into a very old desire," he said.Coincidentally, new technology is also feeding our fears."I think also the world is changing pretty quickly, especially with AI, and there's questions about, is AI going to destroy the world or change the world into a sort of world that we don't recognize anymore."Scrivner, who is currently co-managing a travelling variety show called The Apocalypse Road Show in the U.S., says he personally finds it interesting to explore possible dangerous futures and see how people handle them."You get the suspense and the thrills, but you also get what feels like insight into situations that might happen that haven't happened yet," he said.Scrivner's research suggests consuming such seemingly bleak material could actually be helping people.In a 2021 study, he found people who had watched more apocalyptic and pandemic-themed movies felt more prepared for the COVID-19 pandemic and were more psychologically resilient during pandemic-related shutdowns."I think it can help people kind of feel like they're prepared or at least feel like they can handle the uncertainty a bit better," he said.

A scene of a post-apocalyptic version of downtown Calgary as production of HBO's The Last of Us descended on the province in 2021-22. (Tom Ross/CBC)

Apocalyptic narratives can shape our future

But our apocalypse obsession may not always be healthy. Studies show millennials and gen-Zers see a bleak future in many respects at a time when the climate is warming, life expectancy is down, costs of food and other essentials are rising, and home ownership is out of reach for many.Technology and culture writer Zara Stone has suggested apocalyptic programming caters to a hopeless feeling among young viewers by telling them that this is the norm, and "allowing them to think the lack of a future is acceptable." WATCH | Why some millennials feel like it's getting harder to get ahead:

Why some millennials feel like it’s getting harder to get aheadIn Canada, there’s an idea that if you work hard, you'll get ahead. But at least one group is starting to feel like hard work might not be enough to move up the social status ladder. CBC News’ Stephen Cook explores whether millennials have less opportunity than their parents to get ahead.Begley similarly cautions that these dystopian visions of the future can affect us after our screen time. The way our future is portrayed in the media we consume influences the way we all think about our own future, he says, and to some degree, that sets the parameters for what is possible in the real world."I think it's important for us to consciously think about the world we envision. For instance, is it one where your relationship with other people is one of caution and violence, or is it one where it's community and support?" he said.

'There are still things that we can all do'

Baruchel says his interviews with scientists and other experts for We're All Gonna Die — which takes an educational approach fusing science, psychology, pop culture and philosophy — have actually made him a more optimistic person. From his perspective, naming and understanding potential threats can give us a place to understand, process and plan from, in case we ever do encounter these scenarios in real life. "The through line to every person that I interviewed on that show was that, as insurmountable as any of this feels, there is a piece for each of us to carry," Baruchel said. "And that you don't have to throw your hands up and resign yourself there. There is a fight that we're all participating in, still. There are still things that we can all do. And it's nice to be reminded." Source link Read the full article

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madmanrambler · 2 years ago

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“So walk me through everything I missed. It seems like it was a lot.”

“What, Everything? It’s 85 bloody years, there’s a lot to cover. And me without a degree in history.”

“Alright then, summarize. I can research whatever you mention that seems particularly interesting.”

I shifted to better watch Corv as he spoke, listening through ears that still felt chilly from 85 years frozen. Corv, one of my rescuers, shifted in his own spot, his diminutive form finding a comfortable seat. He glanced at me before starting in to the history.

“Let’s see, you went under in the 2020s you said, right? So you at least have an idea that climate change was getting bad. That was most of the 30′s and 40′s, handling that in various ways. Mostly bad ways. Lotta border skirmishes, plenty of fighting and arguing about bits of this and that. Big cold war between Canada and China about shipping lanes that opened up in the Artic, which was a miserable bloody time.” this at least all made sense, and I was nodding along.

“in the 50s things came to a bit of a head. Most of the ice that was going to melt melted, and the weather patterns were stabilizing. the countries and people left were figuring out how to handle the Sahara being able to grow plants and the American Midwest becoming a desert. We got some peace makers out of South America, and you’ll probably find some interestin’ stuff about indonesia and how its government in exile set an example for island nations and how to handle the shift in tides. Always found some of that stuff fascinating, you can look up Melati Hon and her speeches on the new world, great stuff.” Corv seemed excited about that part, really animated and I could see his eyes gleaming. Really might be something worth reading, and seeing what I thought afterwards. He reluctantly plowed on. “the 60s people kinda lost their mind, great art from the period but a lot of folks were recovering from being kids during the greatest ecological disaster. The 70s there’s big move of standardizing everything, making sure that plugs fit all over the world and all the measuring equipment can measure the same. Parts of America still insist on using standard but that’s more a local custom then a nation-wide standard at this point. the 80′s had a lot of discussion about the moon base, I think there was a big scare around a country grabbing it for themselves and a space war or something erupting over that, it was agreed to be a joint venture with every nation able to send people up, averted a lot of problems. The 90s are close enough I can remember ‘em, and there’s a ton you could focus on but overall it’s all about how to handle us living with these new batteries we’ve got, the Phazolyte batteries.” This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to focus on, but Corv seemed to think it was important so I nodded and tossed in what I knew. “They’re batteries that mix with water to charge right?”

He coughed, shaking his head. “Yeah, I guess that’d be the second grader explanation. They mix phazolyte with water, and phazolyte causes water to be willing to compress as much as you push it, something it doesn’t want to do at all normally. S’why jumping off a bridge into water is like hitting concrete, all the force rebounds back into your body. With Phazolyte we get to store as much energy as we can compress into the water, then you just remove the Phazolyte and the water uncompresses, pushes against something, makes the electricity. And the Phazolyte, once removed, is good to use again, doesn’t lose anything in the process. It’s dead useful, and the last 15 years has been plugging that into everything and getting the supply chain worked out.” Corv coughed again, and glanced around. “That should cover the basics. Sorry we don’t have flying cars or nothing like that, I know you folks were keen on that.”

I stared at Corv for a long while. “Corv, that’s great. I’m glad you covered all the uh. The battery stuff. But.” I hesitated, glancing from him to the window to the chair he was sitting in. “You uh. Skipped the part about you.” Corv shifted in his seat again, glancing away from me. “Well it really isn’t all that important, it’s just part of the world really. I’m a British citizen, we still say god save the queen, we keep playing football-” “That seems like it’d be a bit hard for you to play.” I interrupt, glancing at how small Corv was. “I mean, Corv, you didn’t mention a damn thing about when birds started talking.” Corv looked what I thought was askance. “Well you did ask me to summarize.” He reminded me as his beak preened his feathers. “If I summarize I gotta skip the things that are less important. That’s how summarizing history goes.”

#CorvandI #writing #utopia fic?#mad man ramblin

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hanna-water · 2 years ago

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Part 2 “I’ll Be Fine”: Talk about Popculture, Druck and Gen Z Popkultur Festival Berlin 2022, wednesday 24.08.2022 with Eren M. Güvercin, Nhung Hoang, Naomi Bechert (social media team during s5 – s6, writer of s7 and s8) Moderated by Aidan Riebensahm Aidan: This might confirm an image that we have of Gen Z. That you are very motivated to get involved and to take part in creating these roles. This seems to fit into the cliché that Gen Z is always very active and participating in everything. Also you are the first generation that grew up with the internet since your childhood. How has this influenced your work on Druck or generally how did you experience growing up with the internet? Eren: I think it shows in the fact that it’s a transmedial concept and even in the script you can see what will be posted and what won´t. And that its always connected with the dramaturgy and the storyline. That is interesting to experience. On the shooting days we are also creating the content for Instagram. I grew up with Instagram and facebook. I always used the facebook account of my mum to play animal farm. I don´t remember the name….farm world? (laughs) This was my first experience with social media. I also used to have multiple IG accounts. One of them (laughs) is still public but I don´t have the password anymore. It`s a bit embarrassing. Nhungi: Please don´t try to find it. Eren: All the stalkers now “making typing sounds” (laughs). That was my first experience with IG and when I first heard of the series and came in for filming, I did not exactly know what to expect. I also did not watch Druck before. Sorry btw if I appear a bit sick. I am a little hoarse. (laughs nervously) Uhm… so I came in and had no idea how storytelling would look like if you connect it with social media and additionally real time. What if we film something in summer now and when its released its raining? What happens then? Those were question I was asking myself but then I learned while shooting that its actually a lot of fun. Nhungi: Especially the social media aspect was a concept that did not exist in Germany before and accordingly it was still a little unclear in the beginning. Like, ok what is being recorded and what is going to be posted/published? We ourselves had improvised everything of the social media content. It was like “ok they go to the park and have fun.” But we improvised our lines and what everyone was doing. A lot of very funny situations happened this way but you also felt “ok this is something completely new” and you don´t really know how to handle it. And there was also the aspect that many people saw Kieu My and Isi as real people and we were even addressed on the street as Isi and Kieu My. Which is not a problem overall…- Eren: it was a little weird. (laughs) Nhungi: … yeah but then I was asked where my girlfriend Fatou is and then I was a bit like aaahhh oops. But otherwise I found it very interesting because our generation is on the internet a lot and tries out a lot and therefore its important for Druck to be sharing important things through these channels. The first time I ever experienced something like like this was with iCarly. Its was a TV-series but at the same time you could access a website and for example could chat with the characters. And this was kind of developed further with Druck. You were able to see almost everything of the characters, even private chats. And it was possible that certain topics, like climate change for Mailin, which had no room in the other characters POVs in the series, could be shared via social media. Eren: It`s maybe also important to say that we have no access to the IG accounts. Its social media managers… - Naomi: me for example. Eren: …Naomi for example. Naomi: I was able to see all dms. (laughs) Aidan: tell us more. Naomi: uhm many love declarations to Josh. Very cute. And generally, many questions “how are you right now, Nora? Is everything ok?”. So there was this assumption that is was a real person or the question “is this real or is this just acting?”. So it became clear that this world was experienced as an authentic world and the fans are very emotionally invested when the characters are going through a crises. This is an effect of the real time concept and that the clips are released one by one. So only about 5 minute long clips are posted and then there is silence for a few days and you have to wait for the next clip. That was intense and interesting to see. Some also shared personal stories and we tried to react to this in a appropriate way. So if there was a call for help for example also in the youtube comments, there was always a big care-aspect for the community management.

#Druck #Eren M Güvercin #Nhung Hoang #Nhungi #Naomi Bechert #talk #Popkultur Berlin #August 2022 #bts info #translation

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gay-snom · 4 years ago

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contextualizing lwj’s coming to terms with his feelings subplot!

i wanna talk about the role of confucianism in this subplot because i think it’s something some western fans might not pick up on. basically, the sociopolitical climate of confucianism in his character arc, and a little bit about his interaction with the public image theme.

disclaimer: i’m not chinese but i do have a double minor in chinese and asian studies and have written a few papers on confucianism.

we’re gonna be talking about the novel bc i feel its a little more in-depth and nuanced than lwj’s “what is black, what is white” monologue in cql. namely the tension and misunderstanding in wwx’s first life and how lwj got his scars. i feel like it’s pretty well accepted that wwx made lwj reconsider his world view, so i’m just gonna expand on it. also i want to point out it's pretty unspoken in most of the text, but lwj is also affected by/used to explore the public image themes, as his image the is ideal confucian scholar.

confucianism is centered around the ideas of how to behave “good” in sociopolitical contexts. basically it boils down to a belief system on how society should be run. if everyone follows confucian beliefs, you will have an ideal society. the main text is the Analects, which you can read here. it’s been around for a few thousand years (like around 200 BCE ish), had a huge revival in the tang dynasty (618-907 CE). it was put on imperial exams, the emperor’s cabinet had confucian scholars, etc. this is just to say confucian values are important to historic society, especially upper-class scholars, which seems to be a role cultivators commonly fill in xianxia. here are some basic tenants:

being a gentleman/scholar/superior man (君子 jūn zǐ) : partly being learned in the arts, literature, music, poetry, etc., mostly behaving righteously and dutifully.

filial piety: usually described as obedience. it's not simply obeying everything elders tell you, it includes doing it with reverence and thankfulness for their sacrifices for you.

leading by example: if leaders/the government is righteous, the people will follow. lwj has his flock of juniors that are all strong cultivators and the lan sect is just generally known for being moral and good.

rites/rituals: a focus on politeness and holding proper ceremonies, sacrifices, and funerals

speech: there’s some great meta about the register he speaks in here, i just want to touch on think carefully before you speak, only speak sincerely, etc.

tldr; lwj is THE perfect gentleman (even his title contains the character suffix 君 -jūn, like lxc. which, while this character is not uncommon for cultivator titles, it wasn’t chosen carelessly either. also not to be confused with 尊 -zūn). seriously, look at almost all of book 10 and you'll see don't do/consume in excess, don't talk during meals, sit only when your mat is straight, etc.

okay, so Why is understanding his feelings for wwx so troublesome?

1.2 "They are few who, being filial and fraternal, are fond of offending against their superiors. There have been none, who, not liking to offend against their superiors, have been fond of stirring up confusion... Filial piety and fraternal submission! - are they not the root of all benevolent actions?"

in other words, people who are filial will never create political tension. so like, morally, wwx should be considered horrible person! he’s not only snubbed the jiang sect. he was a head disciple who undoubtedly had younger students looking up to him. and then he goes and stirs up some huge political issues! he is now a bad role model for the people below him and disrespected the people above him. lwj has an entire image to uphold, he has poured his entire life into following these rules and beliefs, and then wwx comes along. would continuing to be in wwx's life taint lwj? there are some contradicting teachings in regards to interacting with wwx:

15.4: "Do not take counsel with those who follow a different Way"

15.28: "When the multitude hates a person, you must examine them and judge for yourself. The same holds true for someone whom the multitude love."

15.36 "When it comes to being Good, defer to no one, not even your teacher."

this is part of the reason lwj had so much trouble accepting his feelings. he didn’t know how to handle this situation, making him appear distant during/directly after sunshot. if he judges wwx's intentions to be pure, it's then not wrong to be friendly with him. but wwx still is morally wrong by society's standards. now, lwj has to not only figure out his feelings, but also reconcile this with how he still thinks wwx is Not a bad person, despite everything. what if he does get "tainted" by wwx? will it hurt the reputation of his sect? that would be un-filial, right? he spent his whole life memorizing rules that are probably extremely similar to sections in the Analects, and now these mixed messages (coupled with the relatable gay panic) are overwhelming.

onto the next! there’s something unspoken in the scene where wwx discovers why lwj has the whip scars. as other posts have mentioned, lwj taking wwx back to the burial mounds and nursing him is high treason. however, this action is also extremely un-filial. also his entire image is built around being a perfect gentleman, if this were to get out to the public he would lose absolutely everything. he would be just as irreparable as wwx.

“I was worried if those from another sect found you first, WangJi would be considered your accomplice. The best scenario was his name being forever tainted, and the worst was his life being taken away right then. Thus, along with Uncle, we chose thirty three seniors who had always thought highly of WangJi... ”

there’s no way lwj didn’t know what would happen if he did this. obviously as lxc says, if this got out, he would lose basically his entire face. and even though lxc didn’t mention this, it would definitely lose a lot of face for the lan sect as well since lwj is so prominent. the decision about what elders to bring is also notable.

“...As if he knew all along he would be discovered by us, he said that there was nothing to explain, that this was it. Growing up, he had never talked back to Uncle, not even once. But for you, not only did WangJi talk back to him, he even met with his sword the cultivators from the Gusu Lan sect...”

so yeah, he obviously knew they would come for him and what the consequences would be. and he still talked back! that’s already not a good look for the lan sect. but attacking them? totally unforgivable! lwj gives up how he was raised and the importance of filial piety, what he has held on to until this major plot event. since it's basically the biggest "fuck you" to his uncle and his clan, this was not a decision he made lightly. lwj shows them he cares more about wwx and His Own ideas of right and wrong than the sect’s or society’s.

Wei WuXian dug his hands into his hair, “...I-I didn’t know... I really...”

when was the last time wwx was at a loss for words? wwx spends a few paragraphs after this lamenting how he hurt lwj, but he's not unaware of the gravity of what lwj did. it's an underlying assumption from being raised in the culture. i would argue his first instinct is "oh god he gave up what for me?" since those lamenting paragraphs are after lxc finishes speaking.

"But he said... that he could not say with certainty whether what you did was right or wrong..."

this is something thrown around a lot in the Analects, that not even confucius can say for sure what is right or wrong. what better way to show lwj is still a perfect confucian than have him paraphrase confucius himself?

“...WangJi was a model for the disciples when he was young, and a prominent cultivator when he grew up. In his whole life he had been honest and righteous and immaculate--you were the only mistake he made!”

here’s the confirmation that the world and even his family thinks of him as a perfect gentleman, the top tier of society, and it was all thrown away for wwx. this is just so heavy. the mistake thing? thats not only because lwj is fraternizing with an enemy. lxc and the rest of the sect who knew are terrified this will forever corrupt lwj personally, not just publicly. lwj was so devoted to believing this was the right thing to do he offered up everything he had. the gravity of this decision is insane. it’s very obvious that he loves wwx, it’s just that he struggles a lot internally to accept everything that is happening.

as for helping wwx leave after the massacre, is this gentleman-ly of lwj? was it actually in-line with his image? is it more honorable to save someone who is dying, at the cost of your own health, than to look away? isn't looking away a form of resentment? i wasn't able to find a specific passage about bystander-ness, but personally i think it qualifies as "bad intentions." there is also this passage for what it's worth, originally it was about government suppression:

12.19: "...What do you say to killing the unprincipled for the good of the principled?" Confucius replied, "...why should you use killing at all?..."

lwj is always more actions than words, and he was not fucking around. his core beliefs really haven't changed, and remain very strong throughout his life. he is still righteous enough to accept his punishment, graceful enough to search for wwx's body since there was no one else to do the funeral rites (10.22/10.15), caring enough to take in a-yuan, upright enough to still spend his years going where the chaos is.

just with this one action, the audience knows he has come to terms with realizing that authority isn't always just, and neither is the public opinion/opinion of other gentlemen. he has reconciled. this is him standing for what he believes is right. this is his devotion. this is his own choice. just. poetic cinema...

anyway that's it for my first meta post! i would love to hear your thoughts, feelings, opinions, discussions, other meta ideas, whatever! thank u for reading! <3

#its My post and i get to pick the subplot #i have...brainworms #wwx and lwj are foils in the public image theme change my mind #mdzs #mdzs meta #lan wangji #mo dao zu shi #stfu #meta

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electricbluebutterflies · 4 years ago

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Nina/Mattias + fight sex but they’re idly bickering about something that doesn’t matter very much

Canon-divergent / the little adventure up in frozen hell took long enough for this dynamic to develop (because what even is a timeline and I have no clue how long it actually was on the show). Also, for plot purposes and context, this does make use of my belief that everyone is just SLIGHTLY aged up on the show and in my head most of the main lineup is 20ish. Oh, and first time writing these babes so fingers crossed I got characterization okay. Obviously NSFWish ahead, a little more graphic than I’ve written in a while and also involves a First Time...

He’s keeping the third blanket from her.

It is, objectively, the most petty Nina has felt since the whole almost-dying thing happened, maybe even since the getting-captured bit. Trying to get under his skin, trying to handle the daily shifting of their dynamic, has been almost as exhausting as trying to stay alive. Which in itself is enough of a challenge, because somehow they are lost and whenever Nina gets back to civilization she is going to have so many comments about Druskelle navigational instincts or the apparent total lack thereof. So. Many. Comments. The moment she has a possibly appreciative audience, because she is not wasting her breath on that here right now and-

At least tonight they’re in some kind of fishing shack again, clear space to build a fire and a pile of blankets of various questionable quality. There have been nights they haven’t been so lucky. She’s saving her energy for where it matters. But on the other hand, she is a delicate fragile creature who has made a point of avoiding this sort of climate, and…

Mathias still has the third blanket, and the fire is going well enough that they objectively can stay on opposite sides of this space, and Nina decides it’s time to change the game.

He’s pretty, okay? He’s annoying and stubborn and honestly at this point him technically being The Enemy is relatively low on the list of reasons he’s stomping on her every last nerve, but the man has two things in his favor – he’s loyal, and he is very nice to look at. Nina does not historically have the attention span when it comes to that level of pretty, but this one has decided to make it difficult for her. Like, he can say up and down that he does not want her, but they’ve shared a sleep-space – “bed” is too nice a word for most of those situations – for a week or so and she doesn’t need words, she knows what she wakes up to.

And she knows how damn respectful he is, she thinks as she starts undoing her vest buttons. This outfit, while very cute two weeks ago before her entire life took a very undesired detour, was not made for seduction. But if she does it slow enough, she hopes she won’t set him off. The other time she had to deal with that element of things, he was polite and turned his back even though she didn’t ask him to, and she assumes the same will happen here and she’ll get nowhere and-

Okay, fine, it’s not like taking off her vest reveals anything outright explicit. The current light makes her shirt a little more see-through than it’s meant to be, but still. She is about as decent as she ever gets.

“What are you doing?” he asks, tone about as calm as she’s ever heard him.

“You do not need two blankets,” Nina counters. “I want.”

And oh does that phrase cover more than his little Fjerdan mind has probably ever thought of. All those comments he’s made about assuming she’s trying to seduce him? Yeah, hasn’t been the main goal yet but she’s thought about it. Seeing what she could do to him – she does not expect he’d take any initiative there, highly doubts he’s ever even kissed anyone – would not be the worst way to spend an evening. So, that’s part of the plan now. Make him squirm, get on top of him, and take her prize. Should be easy.

As if to prove her point, she starts loosening the laces of her shirt just enough to easily take it off. She hadn’t bothered to wear anything under it, another brilliant idea proving that two-weeks-ago Nina had questionable judgment in all things, and it is all too easy to push it up over her shoulders and off her arms and…

He’s still watching. He looks wide-eyed and possibly concussed, but he’s still watching.

If Nina were a different sort of person, and probably also if she had gotten laid within the past six months (for the record it has been eight and that cute little bartender with the long nails was a way better lover than she was an informant), she would cross her arms over her breasts and stop here and wait for whatever protective instincts Mathias has to kick in. Even given what she’s just done, she looks vulnerable and cute enough to wake him up like that, and-

“What are you doing?” he asks again, this time more hostile. Good. When he’s frustrated his voice gets all growly, and that does things to her, and-

“Can we get this over with?”

“This?”

“The part where we have questionable hatesex that I will forget ever happened within the next year and you will remember for the rest of your life because whatever little creature gets stuck with you someday will not fuck you like I want to.”

For a moment, she’s pretty sure she broke him. This is definitely not about the blanket anymore, and-

“I. Don’t. Hate. You.”

Nina laughs. “Yeah well you are deeper in denial than anybody I’ve ever met. I am everything that scares you and you are stuck with me and I’m not sure which part of your code I do not violate but I am sure you would’ve-”

“You saved my life. I owe you everything.”

“Cute. Obligation. Great reason to put up with someone but still do everything you can to drag your feet about it.”

“Why do you… want me?” He sounds all hesitant, and good grief has nobody ever told this man what he looks like? Or do all of his people look that good at that age… that’s plausible enough…

“Limited options right now. It’s you or my hand and you’re warmer.”

She is not sure what she’s expecting beyond not what he actually does.

Fine, so she’s been good and hasn’t looked more than she had to when he’s been in a state of undress. Watching him strip right now, layers of leathers and furs that are apparently frightfully easy to take off, is different. He is wanting her to watch, keeping his eyes on her the whole time until he is completely naked in front of her and… she can’t help licking her lips, he is pretty and she wants all of that all over her. Now.

“This or your hand,” he repeats in a way that suggests that at least she probably won’t have to explain the general patterns of female masturbation to him. “Make your choice.”

She about tackles him.

He’s built like a damn tree, Nina reminds herself in the process. Solid enough to handle her attempt at literally jumping him, which doesn’t exactly work but does throw off his balance for a moment, and she gets him pulled down for a bitey kiss. He has just a little bit of scruff now and she’d wanna see what that feels like between her legs but also she is pretty sure Fjerdan men do not do that and she doesn’t want to completely wreck him in one go, and while she still suspects all of this is new to him, he has good instincts.

Her skirt and underwear are feeling like too much of an undesired obstacle, so she undoes them with her free hand while trying to stick her tongue down his throat. So she’s a little aggressive, whatever, he’s clearly into it and nobody gets hurt by it.

“What do you need me to do,” he breathes, and oh he can admit being clueless, this is a treasure, this is-

She grabs his wrist and puts his hand between her thighs. “Poke around until you like the noises I’m making.”

Mathias has good hands. She’s known this for several days now, but it is a different thing to know it with one of said hands exploring her soft parts. She feels a fingertip inside her then quickly pulled back, another batting her clit back and forth with uncertainty. Then the finger inside her is back, and she knows how wet she is, and-

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmurs.

“That’s why I’m leading. I’m not giving you the chance.”

But he couldn’t hurt her like this, she thinks. Not with his hands prepping her and a second finger up inside her and accidentally finding her sensitive spot, not with his prick hard against her belly, not with his mouth taking kisses as he learns what he likes. There is something inherently good in him and she worries for a moment that what they are about to do will break it, and yet-

“Get on your back,” she orders. Easier for both of them if she leads, she reminds herself.

He does without any complaint, and she takes a moment to enjoy the view. The solidness of him, for the next few minutes all hers. Would any of the girls he might get stuck with back home be able to handle this? And the way he’s looking up at her, a scared but willing participant in whatever she decides to do. Maybe he’s right. Maybe hatesex is the wrong word.

She straddles him, knees around his hips, and drops.

Blame the dry spell. Blame the absolute weirdness of the situation. Blame the fact that she is tired and hungry and cold. None of that matters. He feels good inside her and she makes a noise she cannot describe and-

“Am I…?”

“No. Feels good.”

She rolls her hips against his to prove a point, works him even deeper into her and leans down for more kisses. She can taste the shock and the innocence of him. This isn’t how he thought his first time would go, she is sure of it now, and yet he is allowing her and-

His hips jerk up and she makes a shocked little noise. “Do that again.”

He does, and she continues her pattern, and… it’s good, on her side. Not the best sex she’s ever had, but his hesitance is useful enough. She doesn’t trust him to say if he’s getting close, so she stays focused on his face, looking for signs, looking for-

She shifts her angle just a little bit, his prick hits the right spot inside her harder than she expects, and she shatters.

As she comes down, she sees that his expression has turned to something worse, scared and worried and unable to speak. He’s still hard inside her, at least, but he is motionless and cold and she doesn’t-

“Did I hurt you?”

Nina laughs. She shouldn’t, this is a legitimately valid question, but-

“No. What you just did felt amazing. Your turn.”

She resumes rolling her hips against his to indicate the conversation is over and she does not want to explain herself, and a few clenches of her inner walls later he spills inside her. It’s a beautiful thing to experience, the sudden warmth overlapping with the strangled gasp of surprise and-

“You know this means I have to marry you,” he says when he’s capable of coherent thought. “If there’s any chance…”

She shifts position so their bodies are no longer connected. “No. It doesn’t.”

“But I…”

“We’re too different,” she murmurs. “You know that. There’s nowhere safe. If anything… if the worst happens, I’ll lie.”

“Honor is honor. If there is even a chance-“

And oh, for a moment she wants it too. For a moment, she lets herself think about the impossibility of being all that she could be, both Grisha and wife, not forced to choose between her complexities. Unrealistic, she knows, a flighty daydream at best but she wants all the same.

“Nothing to worry about. My last cycle finished three days before your people tried to kill me, so… right now I can’t get pregnant.”

“Still. If it happened… I would stand by you.”

She kisses his face, covers the angles of him in wet kisses. “Good to know.”

#pixievixen #helnik #nina x mathias #ebf writes fic

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benedictscanvas · 5 years ago

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the future is bright (with you, my dear) - spencer reid x reader

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: Mentions of death, serial killers, the general criminal minds stuff but nothing graphic

A/N: Okay, so, confession: this is very self-indulgent! I’m not very well, but desperately wanted to get something out to you so I’m sorry if the quality isn’t up to scratch! But I just wanted to write something super fluffy and comforting that could just wrap me up in a nice soft blanket. Hope you enjoy! :)

---

(ways to say i love you) number 16 = “it’s okay, i couldn’t sleep anyway”

The ticking of the clock in the hotel room was unrelenting. It wormed its way into your brain and stayed there, until you were hearing it echoing in your head and you didn’t even know whether it was real anymore. Eventually, after minutes, hours, you didn’t know, you huffed as you got out of bed and took the clock off the wall, taking it into the bathroom and putting it in the tub.

When you returned to bed and you could still hear it, it was only a few minutes before you returned to the bathroom and took the batteries out. You threw them in the tub angrily and practically stomped back into your bed like a child might.

The case was slow. Agonisingly so. You’d been here for days and yet you still felt no closer to catching the unsub than you were when you began, despite having three more dead bodies left in the woods since then. Some of you were tired, some of you were cranky and some of you were just pissed off. You found yourself a mixture of all three.

It was all swirling around in your mind, and you could swear you could still hear that damn ticking, so you only heard the knocking the third time it happened and a soft utterance of your name accompanied it. You recognised the voice, and it was the only thing that had you hopping out of bed, grabbing your long cardigan from the peg and wrapping it around yourself, only wearing a tank top and shorts in the hot climate.

When you opened the door, Spencer was already halfway down the corridor.

“Spence,” you hissed, watching him wince and turn around, “Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, did I wake you?” he whispered and you smiled as you shook your head, beckoning him into your room so you could talk properly. Rossi, who was currently in the pissed off stage of the case, would only come out of the room and glare at the two of you if you stayed in the corridor any longer.

Instead, he followed you inside, still murmuring his apologies even after you’d sat him down on the end of the bed next to you. You crossed your legs on the bed and wrapped your cardigan tighter around yourself against the chill of the cheap hotel.

“Spencer, seriously,” you said, resting a hand on his forearm to stop his mumbled rambling, “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”

He paused at that and tilted his head in that adorable manner he sometimes did.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just can’t sleep. This case is…”

You trailed off but he nodded. He understood. He always did. People thought he didn’t always understand people, didn’t always pick up on things but in your experience? He picked up on your cues before anyone else, understood you better than anyone else. Best friends ever since you’d joined the BAU together, inseparable on and off cases: if there was anyone you wanted at your door when you couldn’t sleep, it was Spence.

“I know,” he said sympathetically, placing a hand over yours on his arm. He glanced behind him and looked back to you, a newly amused smile on his face, “Where’s your clock?”

You bit your the inside of your cheek.

“Never had one,” you lied, unconvincingly. It wasn’t your best work.

“All the rooms have one, Y/N,” he said, eyebrows raised as he stared at you. You muttered your answer incoherently, “What was that?”

‘It’s in the bath, okay?” you said exasperatedly, pouting, “That stupid ticking was driving me to distraction.”

He chuckled at you, shaking his head fondly.

“Of course it’s in the bath.”

“Anyway,” you said pointedly, “What are you doing awake? And here?”

His gaze was cast downward almost immediately, and you frowned. You squeezed his arm a little, because you were still holding onto it. You didn’t have the heart to let go, but luckily neither did he. It was nice to have a bit of human contact amongst all the human misery you saw day to day.

“I don’t know,” he said weakly, shrugging his shoulders, “I was just lying there staring at the ceiling and...well, I had a feeling you might be too.”

Now he was lying to you, but he was seriously trying to. It was a serious lie. Your frown only got worse, the lines of your face deepening. Now you did have the heart to, so you removed your hand from his arm and leaned back away from him.

“Spencer, why are you really here?” you said, the room changing all at once, but you added with soft eyes, “You never have to lie to me, you know?”

He was biting his lip and you just wanted to reach up and and pull it away from his teeth, run your fingers gently over his jawline, smooth out all the worry lines he’d gained since you met him. Sometimes, you wished he hadn’t seen everything he had seen, wished you could save him from it all. But sometimes, you also wished you could kiss him. Some things weren’t meant to be.

“I know,” he said guiltily, “Sorry. It’s stupid, though, and I don’t want you to think I can’t handle the case or that I’m not thinking clearly or-”

“I can guarantee that whatever your reason for knocking on my door, I’m not going to think anything like that. Ever, Spence.”

He looked at you with a look in his eye that you recognised as love. You knew it to be the completely platonic kind, but it made butterflies stir up a frenzy in your stomach regardless.

Ironically, platonic friendship was one of the furthest things from Spencer’s mind in that moment, but there was no way for you to know that.

“Okay,” he relented, “You know how me and Rossi went to the crime scene today? Well, when we pulled the sheet back from Shelly Peterson’s body there was a moment...well, it was such a stupid moment because I knew you were back at the station and we’d spoken on the phone not five minutes prior but-”

You sighed gently.

“She looked like me?” you interjected, nothing but kindness in your tone, none of the teasing he might have worried about or the wrinkled nose at the stupidity of his thoughts. None of that.

“She did,” there were tears gathering in his eyes and you had to will yourself not to cry right along with him, “A-and I just...I haven’t really seen you since because we were working on separate parts of the profile so I couldn’t sleep until I-”

He wasn’t finishing his sentences. It wasn’t unlike him sometimes, when he was a little shaken up, but it still worried you each and every time. You were so used to him being eloquent, beautifully so, speaking at a hundred miles an hour but still making more sense than people who spoke ten times slower. When he lost the ability to speak fully coherently, you knew he was really fighting an mental battle.

“Until you came and saw me?” you finished for him again, knowing he wouldn’t mind. They were words he couldn’t bring himself to say, but also ones that he needed you to know. You would happily say them for him if necessary, “Spencer, that’s not stupid.”

You had noticed your resemblance to the victim earlier that day too, but hadn’t said anything. JJ had given you a look but you’d brushed her off quickly, not wanting to draw attention to it in front of the team. They must have noticed too, it was hard not to, but nobody said anything. It went unspoken. For you, though, it had only been in pictures and you could imagine you might have reacted a little differently had you actually been at the scene like Spence.

“It felt stupid,” he said quietly, “I think Rossi thought I was losing it. I just kept...staring at her. And I knew she was Shelly Peterson, of course I did, but it felt like I was staring right at your dead body. Y/N, I don’t think I can ever do that for real. No, actually, I know I could never do that, I’m not capable, I think- I think it would kill me.”

His words were chilling. His voice got louder as he started finishing his sentences again. It was as if he was so determined never to have that nightmare become reality that he had to tell you now, he had to tell you right this second that there was no scenario in which you were allowed to die.

“Well, that’s okay,” you said confidently, not being able to help yourself when you reached up and took his chin between your thumb and forefinger, begging him to make eye contact with you, “Because I’m not going anywhere, Dr Reid, and neither are you. You’re not allowed to. I won’t have it.”

“But-”

“Nope,” you stopped him, because his thoughts were consuming him and you desperately wanted to bring him back to you, to this moment, here in the hotel room where the two of you were safe. Where the two of you were together. “Creating geographical profiles side by side, that’s how we’re going to live out the rest of our days. We’re going to go to crime scenes and trade theories away from the group if we’re not sure about them. We’re going to force each other to get a few hours sleep on the jet whenever we can.”

“Yeah?” his voice was still timid, but now it sounded like he was simply getting more overwhelmed with every sentence you spoke. You swallowed the sentimental lump in your throat and continued on, reluctantly letting go of his chin now that he’d dared to look at you.

“Yeah. We’re going to spend weekends together. In the park. At my apartment, at your apartment. We’re going to sit at our desks across from each other in the bullpen every day. Chat as we do paperwork. Get each other coffee. Eventually, I’m going to learn that however much sugar I put in will never be enough.”

“Would be great if you learnt that sooner rather than later,” he joked with a chuckle, even though there were more tears in his eyes. You swatted his arm playfully, your own choked laughter filling the small room.

“We’re going to be as old as Rossi one day, with a few grey hairs, and there will be new FBI recruits that ask each other in hushed voices, ‘Is that Doctor Reid and Agent Y/L/N? I’ve read all of their books!’ and we’ll sign a few of them if they’re lucky,” you explained, feeling a few tears of your own surfacing as you imagined Spencer with grey hairs around his temple.

You could picture him, years in the future, walking over to you on the jet and sitting down with that small groan that Rossi let out quite often when he sat down, a customary groan that slightly older people seem to do even if nothing hurts and nothing is stiff. Spencer would groan as he sat down and you would laugh at him, tease him for being too old for all this now, and he’d remind you of this very moment.

“We’re going to co-write books?” he said dreamily and you knew he was picturing scenario after scenario of your future now too. You hoped it might get the image of your dead body out of his mind, at least for a while, replace it with images of you laughing at his ridiculous philosophical jokes just because he thought they were funny.

“We are indeed,” you hummed happily.

“How do you make our job sound so...romantic?”

You hadn’t expected that, but you tried not to let it show on your face. Instead you just furrowed your brows in confusion and hoped he didn’t see the fear in your eyes at the prospect of being found out.

“Romantic?”

“Yeah,” he said, seemingly unfazed by what he was saying, “We have one of the worst jobs in the world, see more evil than most people will ever even hear about, but you make it sound like we’re going to live out this...romantic ideal.”

You took a deep breath.

“Our job is awful...basically all the time, I know. But I suppose, on the occasion that it isn’t awful, it’s usually either because we save someone or because- well, because you’re around.”

Spencer paused, staring at you and your gaze drifted down to his lips before snapping back upwards again. He saw that. Definitely. Your tone had changed, but he was the one who had mentioned romance, so you were only following his lead, you told yourself.

Was he closer than he had been a second ago? Your mind was playing tricks on you. When he spoke, his voice was breathy and barely there.

“Sounds pretty r-romantic to me.”

You held your breath.

“Is that a good thing?”

Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes.

“I think you missed some stuff out of our future,” he said and all you could think was that he hadn’t said no, not yet, and that if he was about to let you down gently then you weren’t sure you would cope, “I know we’re going to work together for the rest of our lives. Create profiles and catch killers and write books. But I’m also...I’m also going to love you for the rest of our lives. Do you think we could fit that in?”

You exhaled slowly, just so he wouldn’t hear how shaky it was. Your grin was infectious, clearly, because he was grinning too, you could see it through tear-blurred vision. You wouldn’t answer his question directly, he hadn’t answered yours after all, but you spoke up quickly to make sure he had no doubt about your answer.

“We could...go on coffee dates?”

“Movie marathons under mountains of blankets?”

“Kissing in the rain?”

“Kissing under the stars.”

“Kissing everywhere.”

“Moving in together?”

“Getting a dog? A cat?”

“Getting down on one knee?”

Voices growing softer and softer, the questions soon melted away into the dim glow of the hotel room and the future felt closer than it ever had before as you shared your first kiss.

(and your second, and your third, and your…)

---

tags: @justkurotingz @yes-sir-hotchner

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #Criminal Minds #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fluff #spencer x reader

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blindtaleteller · 4 years ago

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PROMPT: OOC Interview with [X] Clint ‘Cuyler’ Barton

" Been a while since we did one of these.. but. You know the drill man! This is your first interview, yeah? Want to explain why and where you’re from? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Besides trolling the hell out of tags with Viedimadr? *grins* Ah, mostly that’s keeping the core element I guess. Most Bartons are the quintessential superhero, at least in the range of having that alter-ego. Might not wear a mask ‘til Ronin in the MCU? But --and especially with how my character works pre-Avengers; sharing past the job isn’t exactly any of our fortes? We have a family to protect, and if you do the math of how old the kids are even in Ultron: that family has been a thing since before we take the higher ground up out of the paid-SHIELD-killer status I’m in that Nat does mention in the original Avengers. Also usually save it up between the pages and occasional poke into tags and skits here on the dash.

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) As for where I’m from! *he leans back and hooks his hands behind his head* We’re Universe Fourteen; two doors on the left down the connecting Vestibule from Lisan’s Universe, and one to right of the Ego-centrics with Grey Knight and Leadsprite. Ours starts out different in the respect that, Fury ends up getting the Scepter tap instead of me; and the resulting conflict goes very differently.

“ Such as? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) We never even hit New York; Fury tries to snag me in, and under the Stone’s influence that means trying to at best grab my kids since he’s one of the only two people attached who know about them. Loki ends up breaking form and getting in the middle of that. Yanks us off world and out of Fury’s sight, with the goods. That’s where we picked up with our first published bit ‘The Warming Stone’ anyways.

” Speaking of.. what do you think about the split from the original timeline? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) I’m having a lot of fun with it myself. And I’m pretty sure Laura is somewhere outside the room clapping in agreement; she’s quieter than most but a constant presence and; she and Lo get along real well. Anyway. End up dealing with that whole ‘the city is flying, we’re fighting an army of robots; and I have a bow and arrow’ overwhelmed mentality a lot sooner because of it? I like the existential twists that come with the Dark Fairy Tale elements and whatnot that get thrown out there and right into our faces pretty much immediately, what with running face-first, on foot, into Jotunheim of all places through that doorway in Illinois. We did some collabs with the other guys that run through there, on top of the research and expanded on some of the wildlife ourselves to manage that? So that was some actual fun. This side of the pool I can absolutely admit us Bartons are a bit masochistic? *laughs* I am pretty sure we enjoy exploring those bits and how we’d react to them. I’m no different in that respect. I mean.. how would you react to being a dinner sized meal for labrador-to-great-dane sized snow-caterpillars with the elongated teeth of freakin shark? Or finding out the hard way there’s giant predator owls flying around about the size of a plane that eat those, just as an example? Never mind trolls, or frost giants, or anything else that manages to survive in that kind of insane climate and might decide to try and eat you just to see if you taste good.

” Probably stay inside forever if I was going to be honest? XD Anyway, Is there anything you’d change about your current story? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Considering we’re still building back there? Not yet. I mean, too much fun so far. I mean we’ve done what.. four parts at this point? All during what we’re currently calling the Traveler Phase from Earth to Asgard through the doors between Illinois, Jotunheim, and Vanaheim. Which is interesting in itself. I mean whole other world, and things are shaken up before we even get there and (in part because of the fact that) we end up dependent on our Loki pretty fast. I think maybe my only change there would be in maybe doing another part for Extras that includes ‘Ogre’ .. who hasn’t even shown yet at that point in the story. He’s our Bruce Banner; or more specifically our Hulk? Thing is finding a space that won’t interfere too heavily with the book when we do it though. We could excuse the bits in the Traveler Phase because we intended to shorten it when we got there anyway; maybe cut straight to Asgard with that as a supplemental extra; a lot like the GROUNDED kids did with their out-takes featured in the same platovember series.

“ I imagine messing with Universe Three’s next installment’s been helping that along? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh yeah, definitely. That mirror of Bruce’s is pretty similar in mindset and approach.

” That said, do I have to ask if there’s anyone in particular you like to watch or get into reading over their shoulder when they’re at it? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Oh definitely The Bean right now, for sure? But there’s a list.. *grins* GROUNDED and DREAMS being woven together finally, especially with some of the inter-universal roles being brought up is a big one. Looking forward to whipping out that sword.. heh. Though, watching the ESCAPE kids from the other forming Vestibule has been an interesting ride now that they’re not entirely cloistered in Tuscon, or their hotel room. I know what’s up there outside of Traverse too, which helps. And there’s Josh. I think everyone’s been waiting for that fireball to explode across the page? The fact Tony, Lo and Fury managed to somehow make that nutcase all on their own with just a few lines still makes me laugh. Walsh is a character and a half. I’m looking forward to getting my chance at screwing with his mirror in our Door. Leigh is a weird bit of fun too, but Josh is definitely one of those at the top of the list, and who you chose for a face in close rep, is interesting. Maybe Vix too as far as characters go? But he’d a little lower down for me at the moment.

“ Stab, stab pull..? Heh. Which is your favorite upcoming group from the books/portions of Mixology aka the Lokiverse at large? And which are you most curious about? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Ha! yeah; stab-stab, pull. Loxley’s got an interesting bunch next door. *rubs his hands up over the top of his head and back down* Honestly, MONSTERS and ASHES. Ah, that’s Door and or Universes Three and Twelve for those that don’t know. Three has a similar bonding mechanic between Bruce and Lo I’ve been interested in, while ASHES hits on other things, including a rockier relationship and overall dynamic between his Bartons and Redbird (that’s his Quill) that tends to go dark in the personal aspects a lot. I guess I like that struggle between them, personally. Loxley brushes something similar going on post-Ronin with his family dynamic with his internals and his Lo’s concerns for that; but I think Lili and his crew hit that at a whole other angle from around five years prior on? With, a whole other take on the family dynamic that Laura and I have with Lo by the time we leave Asgard. And that’s curious to me.

” I put you guys through a lot of shit in the name of storytelling. Any parts you have complaints about? “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) None, planned or otherwise.

“ ..that was fast. “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) What can I say? I enjoy the twisty shit, at least on this end of the pool. Ignoring the reservations, and dealing with the danger-fear of getting hurt in ways that can’t be fixed with stitches or band-aids, of accepting that kind of bond knowing how it started and risking the idea that finding out why might not make that danger less or that person better or more relatable than perceived to be able to accept them farther even after that investment?

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) The contradiction of pride and ego versus conscience and the guilt when it belongs there getting in the way -and even dealing with when it should be toned down that results in having one, even if it’s just a sliver in places and playing that out along with dipping into places mostly ignored or washed over in the Universes; is interesting and fun to me. Danger included. I have a little less guilt than my mirrors in a lot of directions that gets placed elsewhere after we come back to Earth; and I enjoy that dynamic and what we’re trying to explore there. That whole; ‘what if he was loyal, without he stone’s influence’ aspect, in our own flavor is a LOT of fun to play with. It’s a very different Universe, but holds hints and background pieces, and similarities enough, as well as the core; that it’s a feasable alternative to the canon line. Which is extra fun, for the personal aspects or ‘humanity’ we manage in the process? So no.. no complaints. Not yet anyways.. heh. We’ll see how I feel when you start actually touching actual, hands-on Gagnarok fixes and alternates though. Outside of that Cosmic-FrostIron bitty from a few doors down anyway. That’s gonna be a mess.

“ Whee.. yeah. MONSTERS gets that honor first, most likely.. “

Cuyler (Clint Barton D14:) Good. Bean can handle that best, I think... or maybe worst. Either way it’s gonna be entertaining for me..

For those interested, Cuyler’s published stories are found below in chronological order (they were posted out of order in part because of the prompts themselves and some parts were planned ahead to take certain slots.) The title names are the links to each part.

The Warming Stone (part 1)

Fathers (part 4)

The Hart (part 2)

Between the Reds (part 3)

#Lokiverse #Lokiverse muses #muse interview #Cuyler/Clint Barton D14 #Clint Barton #Dark Fairy Tale Elements #Door/Universe 14 #Hawkeye #OOC interview #Lokiverse (Mixology)#alternate universes #multiverse #conjoined AUs #Alternate Reality #fanfiction #FrostHawk #aka #LoHawk

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mistresseast · 4 years ago

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can you explain in more detail why you think the PT weren't good friends for akiren? i'm not asking out of hate or to start drama, i just never interpreted things that way and i'm genuinely curious. i don't think them being brainwashed by maruki makes them "bad friends", but i don't know if that's what you meant either. i'd love to read a proper explanation on this that isn't just people arguing in the notes of that post.

Hi! Yeah, I know the ~discourse~ climate is pretty touchy and not a good place to exchange ideas, so I’ll do my best to put my thoughts on this matter into words.

Settle in, bc this one is long.

I’ll start off by saying I don’t dislike the PT, nor do I think they’re bad people, and honestly I think they love Joker a lot! Ryuji calling Akira after his fake death and talking about how his ideas on what makes a hero have changed because of Akira genuinely makes me emotional, along with dozens of other scenes with the thieves! They’re good kids who could be really good friends to Akira but that’s not what’s shown in the game. I don’t think it’s controversial to say Akira’s relationships with all of his friends are transactional. That’s kind of the point, all of his confidants arise out of deals, give and take, and in the metanarrative of the game, that’s how it works. You as the player help these characters solve their problems, and through ranking their confidants up, you get access to more gameplay perks. So it’s pretty even!! But like,,Akira, the character, isn’t the player. There’s no in-story mechanic by which he can cash in friendship points for being-good-at-killing-things prizes. Yes, he uses those abilities to not die in the metaverse, but there is no literal, in-universe way to explain how hanging out with someone translates to [insert gameplay perk here]. So you have to look at what is physically happening in the story. Akira hangs out with the PT, stands there while they have drama with another irrelevant character, and then one way or another their problems get solved and they swear to be Akira’s blood brother or whatever. Akira is a crutch for these characters, and they say multiple times that they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without him. So all of their shit gets handled and Akira gets?? Like actually gets?? What? Inquiries about his well-being? Offers to help him? Questions about his life, his interests? No,,,not really,, But he gets access to a super powerful persona!! Yay!!! Bc everyone knows he’s just a little shadow-killing machine, right? And even the relationships he does get something tangible (as in separate from the mechanics of the game) out of, like Kawakami’s, are built on the notion that if Akira stops providing for whatever reason, the relationship will end. So essentially, Akira is under the pressure of filling whatever role his friends need him in for however long at any time, and he’s been led to believe that if he stops or fails, he will stop receiving any reciprocal care and acceptance.

(And I know this is all gameplay stuff, I know it has to be like this to codify the complicated process of human relationships, I know all of that, I’m just trying to find a deeper layer bc that’s what I do.)

This whole thing comes into pretty clear focus for me during the third semester when you visit everyone in the false reality. Everyone is happy to see him, of course, but they’re clearly wrapped up in their own happiness. Which is understandable, again, I’m not saying the PT need to be attached to Akira to be good friends, but it all still feels off to me.

If they know Joker, then they’d know it’s weird that he just shows up and starts asking these pointed questions while they’re in the middle of something. All of their other interactions with him have been led by them. Yeah, Joker approaches them bc the player has decided to hang out with them, but the other character always chooses the activity and leads the discussion. Akira showing up out of nowhere and asking them to “remember” and “move on” and whatnot should be raising some major red flags. And it clearly does, since their memories do start to return, but they’re all too scared of losing their happiness that they nope out of the conversation as soon as possible, without stopping to consider why Joker might be trying to reach out to them like that. They’re his friends; they should know he wouldn’t just be trying to hurt them or make them unhappy. After all, their entire relationship with him up til that point has been exclusively about Joker trying to help them. This doesn’t make the PT bad people, running away is a totally natural reaction in that situation. They’re just kids, and their minds have been manipulated to a point, but it’s not like they don’t remember Joker or the way they’ve grown since meeting him. In fact many of them mention how much they’ve matured recently, but they never actually relate that back to Akira, despite him being the primary driving force behind most of their personal arcs, even though they definitely remember him. Translation vagueness or deliberate nod to the idea that the PT don’t actually credit Akira with all the hard work he did after their initial lip service? Hmmm. Anyway, their failure to recognize that Joker is struggling just demonstrates to me what was set up all throughout their confidant links, that their relationships are transactional and that they don’t necessarily consider Joker and his individual needs outside of what he provides for them. And when they no longer need him bc that hole has been filled, he simply doesn’t occupy the same place of importance in their lives.

Makoto’s flashback in particular stood out to me, bc it was from a moment where she was specifically talking about feeling like she finally found a place to belong with the Phantom Thieves (and by extension, with Joker), but then she desperately tries to brush it off. Obviously that sense of belonging wasn’t meaningful enough to her for her to want it back. And I’m not blaming her, of course, any teenager would choose to have their father back over being in a vigilante group lmao, I just thought it was telling that the devs decided to show us a scene that was originally meant to be heartwarming as an example of the harsh reality Makoto wants to forget. All of the flashbacks are from defining moments for the thieves, but that one specifically got me like *thinking emoji*

So his friends are hesitant, despite the fact that they must know something is wrong. It’s understandable, they all stand to lose a lot if someone messes with the status quo. I genuinely don’t think I would react any differently. But there is someone who reacts differently and against his own self-interest. It’s Goro, the one who has arguably the most to lose, who doesn’t turn away from Akira. He seeks Akira out and teams up with him to uncover what’s really going on, even though he has every reason to believe that prodding too deep will literally mean the end of his life. He forces Akira and himself to face the truth because he knows anything else would just be an insult to what they’ve suffered so far. He’s the only one who never flinches, and that, more than any of his friends’ come-to-jesusing (which Akira still has to initiate) is what Akira needs in that situation. For the first time (outside of the brief instances in the tutorial levels), we see a situation where Akira is actually the dependent one, the one who needs help, who needs support. And the only one who has ever provided that, unconditionally, without demanding anything in return, is Goro. I could go into how Goro’s confidant blows all of the others out of the water in terms of building both himself AND Akira as characters, but it’s been said already and by smarter people than me. But basically, despite competition being a core theme of their relationship, Goro is the only character who is portrayed as Akira’s equal. Their contests are all in the name of improving not just Goro, but Akira too. Goro is the only character who expresses an interest in Akira’s inner life and development, and as such he knows Akira better than anyone else. So when Maruki tries to trap them all in a gilded birdcage, Goro won’t stand for it and he knows Akira won’t stand for it either. That’s why he’s so betrayed if you choose to accept the dreamworld. You’re negating the basis of your entire relationship with him and going against your own principles. Out of every character in the game, the one who knows Akira best and refuses to abandon him even when that could mean his own death is Goro Akechi.

I want to reiterate: I do not hate or even dislike the PT!! And tbh I don’t really think they “abandoned” Akira. That post, imo, is supposed to be kind of hyperbolic. Unless it’s referring to how many of them literally sprint away when he comes to talk to them lol. I look at it more like a commentary on how thoughtlessly the PT act as soon as their wishes are granted. I know it’s set up linearly for story purposes, but isn’t it kind of sad how no one checks up on Akira in the week he’s going around talking to people? Especially after he’s been acting so comparatively weird? It’s not unusual that they might be caught up in other stuff, but while you’re going around and visiting everyone, you don’t get a single text or call from ANY of the thieves, for a whole week!! Goro even comments on it directly with his pointed little “I’m sure you’re just as close as you were before” comment. God, he’s such a bitch. Ultimately, the PT do get their acts together, and it’s partially out of the realization that Akira is struggling alone against something and needs their help, which I love and appreciate. I think they are good friends who want to support Akira, but they can’t understand him past the role they’ve placed him in, and until they do, they’ll never be able to be what he needs. Akira loves his friends and knows he can rely on them in most ways, but those relationships will always be dogged by the pervasive fear that he must constantly earn the right to have the relationship at all. What he needs MOST is someone he doesn’t have to perform for, and from what we see in the game, none of the thieves fit that bill. Except Goro.

I know this was long and rambly and probably pretty disjointed but I wanted to be as thorough as possible and all of my thoughts just sort of gushed out. Obviously ymmv about all of this depending on how you interpret the game, but this is what I arrived at thanks to my analysis so this is what I have for you! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

#ask tag #anon #this is not an invitation for argument or discourse #i simply wanted to provide my interpretation of things #rude and probing questions will be deleted :)

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purkinje-effect · 4 years ago

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The Anatomy of Melancholy, 70: Something Old, Something New

Table of Contents. Third Instar, Chapter 1. First chapter of Third Instar; go to previous. Go to next. TWs: Canon-typical animal violence, hostile locals.

In the shape of things to come.

_______________________

It should have jolted ‘Choly electric, when Sticks turned over Little Boy Blue with the rhythmic sequence of soft chirps from its push-button transmission. Yet, the smooth uniform purring of the fusion engine left him doe-eyed sinking deeper into the ancient moving blanket that had been folded lengthwise and tucked down atop the otherwise exposed re-stuffed guts of the passenger seat’s upholstery. A lone Mister Handy fuel tank tucked itself behind him.

Sticks had replaced the front driver’s seat with a balding duct-taped armchair, trimmed to fit; he had also replaced the entire back seat with a footlocker, to make extra room inside the vehicle. The ghoul had paid the interior far more attention in flirting after perfectionism, with what he could loot from Concord nearby. His flux welding intimated once present chrome contours, the refinished salvaged wood, its prior vinyl wood paneling. The ghoul drew down the parking lever, now a screwdriver with a leather-wrapped handle, took the freshly royal blue 2071 Chryslus Coupe out of neutral, and eased it out from under the canopy of the Red Rocket Truck Stop to exit the parking lot.

Before ‘Choly could register to wave to the Sanctuary settlers out the open window behind them, Sticks had shifted into third and spirited them down to the first light to turn East into Concord. He sank down in his seat again, and folded his gloved hands in his lap.

‘Choly supposed that the two of them were just as patched together as Blue--though Angel would certainly have argued it took the cake for this distinction, were it in on his internal monologue. The composite Mister Handy had powered off its thruster on Blue’s roof, where Sticks had latched it down with a pair of tow chains, hooked around the rear pillars of the blown-out back windows. From atop the car, its Mister Gutsy grade sensors would provide them with a slightly greater forewarning of incumbent road hazards.

Sticks slapped the steel dashboard and laughed.

“Hah! aren’t the hydraulics just riding like a dream.” He beamed, petting at it. “Ohh, sometimes I surprise even myself.”

“It’s skating on glass,“ ‘Choly agreed, his attention squarely on the ghoul. He chewed at his lip. “Are you sure you don’t need another nap? We could pull in behind the Wright’s Inn, and you could recline--”

Rather than answer, Sticks zipped left and picked up a speed more befitting an automobile. With the windows down, the quarter windows open, and the floor vents unlatched, the crisp breeze disturbed ‘Choly’s headspace before it could sour. He tugged his golf visor down on his head, and coughed a bit at the smell of the road kicking up in the floorboards, but he welcomed the fresh air, as the air conditioning was the one notable thing Sticks had not managed to restore in some capacity.

He couldn’t get the ghoul to admit how he’d managed a (mostly) in-tact windshield, when there hadn’t been a scrap of glass left on the husk of the car after laying on its side for the better part of two hundred years.

‘Choly reached up to put a hand on the roof. Angel tapped it emphatically, reassuringly. His eyes couldn’t follow the scenery as they zipped along Route 62.

“Have you been further North than Lowell?”

“Oh, yeah. No further than Ant, though. Never been reason for me to. This’ll be a first.”

Route 62 changed over to Route 4 as it eased North. Sticks swerved around a bit of road debris, but did not otherwise slow down. ‘Choly fretted that little remained of the junkyard, after the fusion engines of automobile and robotics alike had exploded last he’d been this way. Sticks decided to push Blue’s constitution and gunned it up to sixty, then eighty.

As the scenery blurred past them and even with the correct prescription of eyewear on his face, ‘Choly shook his daze and instead squinted at the map on his Pip-Boy.

“Ant? As in... ants?”

“Don’t overthink it. We’re not stopping. Straight shot to Nashua.” The ghoul belted another laugh, letting the wind whisk his noseless face and last locks of blond hair. “I haven’t had a car run this smooth in eighty years. Maybe more.”

“You did great...” 'Choly admired his enthusiasm and pride of craftsmanship. “I doubt anybody else could’ve done what you’ve done.”

“You can say that again.” Sticks threw a hand across the back of ‘Choly’s headrest, and rubbed at his shoulder. ‘Choly leaned into it. “With how well he runs, we might be able to get back to Goodneighbor by the end of the week. --Fuck Tucker Bridge, though. Fuck it to Hell.”

“You really think we’re on the road for a while then?” He picked at the radio dials before deciding not to see if WXXX was the only surviving station in the area. “Shouldn’t we stop to loot in Tyngsborough or Chelmsford, then? There’s plenty of silt flour for a month or two, but I’ll need way more than a bottle of mouthwash and a half tube of toothpaste if we don’t want to have to choose between using it and my eating it.”

“For real. Don’t sweat it. If I were worried about groceries, I’d have had us stay over in Billerica to loot on the way down. Still can’t quite wrap my head around you getting by on that stuff, ya know.”

“Mm.”

Several minutes passed where they took in the sound of the open road. The unevenness of the rubbled roadway became more obvious to ‘Choly in the break in conversation, although Blue cleared a majority of it without hesitation.

“Say, where do you see us a year from now, anyway?”

“Is this your way of proposing to me?” ‘Choly turned to him with a starstruck start. “Next you’ll tell me you’ve got rings in that Cram tin.”

Sticks turned thoughts over in his head a bit.

“Well, there are rings in there. But they’re not for you. That box of rocks is our insurance.”

“I suppose I’ve spoiled the game, then.”

“You’re the one who had a proposal at all, you know. The proposal I was meaning. Gee, you really are head over heels for me, if you’re already talking about getting old.”

“I haven’t been thawed out for a whole year yet. It’s hard to imagine getting any older than I already am, let alone with you. ...You really think you’ll stick with me a whole year?”

“Many more, is the idea. Hopefully, you’ll stick with me.”

“...I meant to do that.”

“Sure,” the ghoul grinned, giving him a side-eye.

It took less than an hour for them to pass through the residential ruins of Chelmsford and Tyngsborough, though variably dense evergreens paved much of their way. The Merrimack ran against them to the right, coiling back and forth out of sight. Blue skipped a wet patch on Route 3A, spraying a muddy mist up into the floorboards and getting the two to sputtering and laughing.

Sticks slowed as they neared the invisible demarcation which once divided Massachusetts and New Hampshire. ‘Choly was about to crack a joke about speed limits, only to notice the three figures, in mostly combat armor, attending the military road blockade ahead. ‘Choly straightened in his seat as Sticks slowed to a stop.

The elder of two women stepped up to the driver’s side coddling the hulking chrome and steel form of an assault rifle. The other two guards aimed directly at the vehicle.

“You sure are a bad habit.” She chewed at a cigar.

“Sergeant Bea.” Sticks gave her an awful grin. “Just passing through. If that’s all right with you.”

She stooped to squint and scowl at ‘Choly. He swallowed hard and gave her a tepid smile.

“Sticks, you’ve got one minute to get that pile of metal shit off the Lane before I tell Gerald he’s got target practice.”

“Be out of your hair in half that,” he blandished. “Good to see you again, love.”

She told him off as they continued past. He casually waved his middle finger out the window, keeping his eyes ahead of him.

“You’re just on everyone’s good side, aren’t you?” ‘Choly wrung his hands, still stiff against the seat.

“Laners hate machines, is all. Can’t appreciate a fine automobile.”

As Sticks accelerated again, ‘Choly wondered whether Sticks’s reservations coming this way had more to do with the locals than the climate. He slouched, only to see a towering projection screen come up on their right. Agape, he nearly hung out the window, clutching at his visor. In the parking lot of what had once been a Starlight Drive-In, now stood a bustling flea market. A romance flickered anciently on the screen.

“Sticks, there’s people here. A hundred, maybe. People.” Under his breath, he murmured, “I wonder if they’ve got any horror movies.”

The ghoul scoffed.

“People with a stick up their asses, more like it.”

They passed the parking lot of a large shopping mall. Before ‘Choly could get into him, gunfire rang. A dozen mutated waterfowl the size of a human assailed around twenty settlers armed with shotguns, pole hooks, and bludgeons. Sticks sped up and ‘Choly grabbed him by the arm.

“The fuck are you doing!” the ghoul yelled. “Gerald’s their missile man!”

“We’ve got to go help them!”

“They don’t want our help!”

'Choly shook Sticks until he loathingly relented, then tried uselessly to unlatch the tow hooks in the back seat. Once he managed it, Angel lit its thruster and sped off saws blazing headlong toward the Radfowl. ‘Choly hadn’t expected to need to have a weapon at the ready. Sticks, meanwhile, hunched into the steering wheel with the determination to mow at least one goose-like thing down with the traffic barrier he’d bolted where Blue once had a front bumper.

The Mister Handy and the vehicle beset the composure of the locals far in excess of the fowl. As Blue connected with a pair of birds, the locals they’d squared off with immediately lashed out at the front of the car with their baseball bats. One punctured the trunk hood with their pole hook.

“HEY!” Sticks roared. He laid on the horn, and the three scattered to assist the others.

‘Choly shakily unholstered his Nagant. Before he could aim out his own window, a pair of Radfowl had rushed to snap and snarl in the driver’s side. One chomped down on Sticks��s upper arm where it could get at him, and he let out a groan. At close range, it felt more like administering tranquilizers with a jet injector rather than the modified syringer revolver he’d endeared as the Tryasovitsy. Their gnarly tusk-like teeth scraped at the door on the birds’ way down to the pavement.

‘Choly tried to get a better look, but Sticks shoved him back, to reach for the hunting rifle he’d tucked between the seat and door. He took aim and fired on one of the fowl.

“Just get your damn robot back over here before they beat the shit out of it.”

“Angel’s doing well with the birds--”

“--I meant the Laners.”

Another massive goose-like thing ran flailing toward the passenger side and ‘Choly reflexively drew on it, emptying the rest of his barrel of Pax Syringes with a choking panic. Once the last of the geese dropped, he sank back in his seat to steady ragged breathing.

Sticks got out of the car long enough to shoot the two Radfowl sedated on the driver’s side. An older man in fishing overalls with a shotgun came up and finished off the Radfowl on ‘Choly’s side before aiming the gun at him. A pair of teens had picked up the tow chains and approached Angel, swinging them slow and furious.

“We’re just trying to help!” ‘Choly squeaked out at the man. He dropped the silenced revolver in his lap in an instant. “We don’t mean you any harm!”

“You fucker. Ruined perfectly good meat,” the Laner snapped, repulsed and hateful. “Can’t eat drugged meat.”

“Please!” ‘Choly adjusted in his seat when he realized his sudden lurch could’ve seemed like hostility rather than begging. “Don’t hurt my Handy. We’re leaving! I swear it!”

“You’ve already wasted enough of our time. Tussling with you ain’t worth it.” The older man kicked at the concrete with a growl that punctuated in a hiss. “What did you think you were doing! Horning in on our hunt!?"

“Hunt?” ‘Choly frowned, guiltily incredulous. “You were attacking them?”

“You shouldn’t have risked yourselves like that. We had it under control. Get your goddamn tin can liabilities off the Lane!”

“Forgive us,” Sticks started. The man brandished a finger at him, warning that they keep their distance.

“And you can’t have any of our Radfowl meat!”

“All yours. Sorry to be trouble, folks. Angel! Come on, chap.”

Sticks waved to the Laners to gesticulate for the berth to reverse enough to turn around. They all glowered at the pair before getting to dressing their kills.

“The fuck is wrong with these people,” ‘Choly finally blurted out.

“Listen to me next time? I told you we didn’t need to help them.”

“Of course we did, Mister Hawthorne.” Angel swept around to the driver’s side where Sticks could hear its indignity. “It’s not our fault they’re ingrates!”

“Are you sure you’re all right? Those things have more teeth than a shark.”

“There had better be a Stimpak there. Or something.” He snorted to shrug off a pout. “Not like I’m bleeding out. Hurts, but I’ll live.”

“There’s definitely a full assortment of first aid stock at the warehouse. I’ll patch you up once we get inside. ...Sorry that I didn’t listen.”

“You keep doing the exact opposite of what I tell you, and it keeps biting you in the ass. This time, it bit me in the arm. Got a right mind to start telling you to do the opposite of what I think you’ll do.”

Now that they’d crossed the New Hampshire state line, ‘Choly produced the folder he’d tucked between the center console and seat, to skim Gretchen’s landmark location directory again. Going North on the Daniel Webster Highway, you’ll pass the Pheasant Lane Mall on your right. Crossing under a double overpass, there’s a Luxurique lot and cemetery on your left. The Nashua warehouse is at the next left.

“Let’s just... keep onward. Priorities. Right.” ‘Choly sighed. “We made good time getting up here. There’s still plenty of daylight left. The warehouse shouldn’t be more than ten minutes from here, provided we don’t encounter more locals.”

Go to next »»»

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout fanfic #fallout 4 fanfic #sole survivor #ghoul oc #the anatomy of melancholy #mister handy #sticks #melancholy #angel

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x--daughters-of-darkness--x · 3 years ago

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The Last Word: Shirley Manson on Fighting the Patriarchy and How Patti Smith Inspires Her

The Garbage singer also talks racial justice, living for now, and why legacy is an inherently masculine concern

Almost as soon as Garbage’s self-titled debut blew up overnight in 1995, their singer, Shirley Manson, became aware of the patriarchy running the music industry. Even though she was the group’s focal point — belting dusky electro-rock songs about making sense of depression (“Only Happy When It Rains”) and taking pride in nonconformity (“Queer”) — she was still a woman fronting a band of men, one of whom, Butch Vig, had produced Nirvana’s Nevermind. Almost immediately, she felt as though her role in the group was being devalued — not by the guys she worked with, but externally.

“There was a lot of stuff written about me in the music press, and that’s when I started to realize how I’m being diminished, how, in some cases, I’m being completely eradicated from the narrative because I’m female and not a man,” she says now. “I was talked over by lawyers; I was ignored by managers. The list goes on. It’s boring and tedious; there’s no point in me moaning about it now, but certainly, that was my awakening.”

That revelation emboldened her to speak out about equality and she quickly became a feminist icon, using her platform to bring attention to human rights, mental health, and the AIDS crisis. All the while, she wrote inclusive hit songs with Garbage about androgyny and reproductive rights (“Sex Is Not the Enemy”). On Garbage’s great new album, No Gods No Masters, she grapples with racial injustice, climate change, the patriarchy, and her own self-worth. But as weighty as the subject matter is, she approaches each song in her own uniquely uplifting way.

“I don’t think really the record is serious, per se,” the singer, 54, says, on an early May phone call. “I think it’s an indignant record. I think in indignance you can still carry humor with you, as well as softness, kindness, and love in your heart. I just felt it would be inauthentic to say anything other than what I was saying in my daily life across the dinner table from my friends and my family. I think as you get older as an artist, the challenge is, ‘How I can be my most authentic self?’ because that’s the most unique story I can tell. In an industry that’s just absolutely jam-packed to the rafters with ideas, opinions, melodies, and so on, you can’t afford to be anything other than your most authentic self. It won’t last.”

Authenticity and being true to herself are the qualities that have made Manson who she is. And those traits seem to guide her answers to Rolling Stone’s questions about philosophy, life lessons, and creature comforts for our Last Word interview.

What are the most important rules that you live by? I’m 54, which is ancient for the contemporary music industry. At this point, I feel like if it’s not fun, then I’m uninterested entirely. If somebody’s treating me poorly, I have to walk away. Life is so fricking short, and I’m three quarters of the way through mine already; I just want to have a good life, full of joy.

Who are your heroes and why? Patti Smith is a huge hero for me for a lot of different reasons. Most importantly, it’s because she’s a woman who has navigated her creative life so beautifully and so artfully, with such integrity and authenticity, and she has proven to me that a woman, an artist, does not have to subscribe to the rules of the contemporary music industry.

It’s very rare for other women to see examples of women actually working still in their seventies. That, to me, is really thrilling and really inspiring, and it fills me with hope. At times when you come up against the ageism, sexism, and misogyny that exists in our culture, I always try and picture Patti in my mind’s eye, and it always brings me back to center, like, “OK, adhere to your own rules. Design your own life. Be your own architect. You can continue to be an artist the rest of your life.” And to me, that’s life. That is a fully lived life.

You’re also a role model yourself. How do you handle that responsibility? I’m a bit speechless if the truth be told. I realize that I’ve now enjoyed a long career in music, and by default, I think people are inspired by that. I think whenever you see an artist, no matter who they are, when someone can endure, I think that’s exciting to everybody else, because it’s a message that says, “You too can get up when you think you’re done. You too can brush yourself off and try again.” By just continuing, you can help other people continue and fulfill themselves in ways that they thought they wouldn’t be able to.

I try to be a decent person. I make mistakes. I fuck people off. I say stupid shit. I’m not all-knowing; I am ignorant in so many ways. But I do try my best. I think that’s really all I can ask of myself.

How others perceive me is absolutely out of my control. There’s always going to be people who think I’m an arsehole, and that’s just part and parcel of being in the public eye. People are just going to hate on you, so I try not to take too much of it in; I don’t let it absorb me too much. I have gotten to that point in my life when I’m able to just go, “You know what? Fuck it. You can’t win them all.”

You once said that the idea of legacy was a masculine construct that you don’t believe in. Do you still feel that way? Yeah. I still very much believe in that. I know a lot of male artists who bang on about their legacy and their importance. Not to knock that if that’s what’s important to you but for me personally, what do I care? I’m going to be dead and gone and totally unconscious of any so-called legacy that I might leave behind. I want fun now. I want to have a good life now. I want to eat good food now and have great sex. It’s absolutely meaningless to me what happens after I’m gone. I want to use my time wisely, and that’s all that I really am concerned with, to be honest.

What is it about legacy that’s inherently masculine? This is armchair psychology, so please forgive me, but I’m sure it has something to do with how women have this uterus that can bear children. I think that’s profound. One of the few gifts that men have not been given is that ability to create with your body, and your blood, and your heat and all these nutrients from your body. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why you don’t hear as many women banging on about the great legacy they’re going to leave behind. I think for women it’s their kids.

You’re Scottish. What is the most Scottish thing about you these days? I’ve got a lot of grit, and it’s served me really well in my career. I think that is a really Scottish trait. The Scottish people are tough, and they also have a good sense of humor. So, grit with humor. I should say “gritted with humor,” in the same way we grit roads.

As you were saying “grit,” it occurred to me that a lot of your songs are about survival and moving forward, going back to “Stupid Girl” or “Only Happy When It Rains.” They’re about perseverance. [Pauses] I think it’s funny you should say that because I’m just sort of like, “Wow, he might be right.” I do think that a huge theme for me is, “How do you overcome? How do we all overcome?” Things can be great for a while; things will not be great forever. And to every single life, these challenges appear. We all have to reconfigure ourselves in order to try to hurl ourselves over obstacles in order to have the kind of life we hope for. So I do think you’ve shocked me a little by discovering a theme for me. Yay, I feel thrilled. I have a theme. It’s exciting.

“Waiting for God” is one of my favorite songs on the album because of the way you address racial justice. How can we, as a society, fight white indifference? You know, that’s a question right there. It’s interesting that you use the words “white indifference,” because one of the things that shocked me so greatly is the ambivalence and the apathy of white people all over the world who are seeing what we’re seeing on our TVs and on the internet, and yet not having the moral courage to speak up. I think the most important thing we can do is pull back the carpet to see the mess on the floor in order for us to actually start cleaning it up.

If we could curtail some of the brutality of police against black people, that would be a good start. I think it’s going to be decades and decades and decades before we can start to really equalize our societies so that everyone is enjoying the spoils of Western wealth over in the developing world. It’s necessary that we try and help these countries that aren’t as powerful or as wealthy. It’s good for the whole world if we start to improve situations for everyone. Nobody will lose anything, and everyone has everything to gain.

But if I had the answers to how we go about fixing it, I would be in politics and not in music. I just know what I believe to be right, and I’m doing my best to use my voice to try and encourage my friends, my little ecosystem, to start with paying attention and supporting black businesses and elevating black voices and black talent.

What’s your favorite book? I have so many. The one that springs to mind would be American Pastoral by Philip Roth. I loved All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. I loved The Collected Works of Billy the Kid by Michael Ondaatje. I loved Winnie the Pooh and Wuthering Heights. I’ve got so many that have really stuck with me that are classics.

My most favorite recent book that I’ve just finished reading is Dancer by Colum McCann about [Russian ballet dancer Rudolf] Nureyev. I was just absolutely mesmerized by it. It was just such a fantastic read, and he’s such a miraculous writer. He brought out Apeirogon last year about the struggle in between Palestine and Israel. He talks about this complicated mess with such clarity, kindness, and generosity. I couldn’t believe Apeirogon didn’t get more fuss made of it last year. Somehow it just seemed to get buried in the morass of other books, and of course the suffering that Covid had brought upon the earth.

What advice do you wish you could give your younger self? “Take up your space.” When I was growing up, to be a girl was to be told to minimize the space you took up: “Close your legs. Don’t be loud. Smile. Be cute. Be attractive. Be pleasing.” I inherently balked against that as a kid. I was a rebellious kid, and I wasn’t going to sit in the corner and be quiet. I’ve never been like that. However, looking back, I still notice some of the patterns of my own compliance. It’s not that I hate myself for it, but I just wish I could turn around and say to my young self, “Take your seat. If there’s not a seat there, drag a seat up to the table and sit down.”

I’m still really aware of the sexism and misogyny that I have had to battle throughout my career. I’m not crying, “Woe is me,” because I’ve obviously flourished in my career, and it obviously didn’t hold me back enough to hamper me in any way. But I feel for all the women who were unlike me, who didn’t have my forcefulness of personality, or my education, or my ability to articulate myself. I want that for all people, though; I want all people to stop trying to please, and accept that some people will like that, and some people won’t, and that’s OK. It’s OK that some people just don’t dig you.

On the topic of gender, I got a kick out of your song “Godhead,” where you ask if people would treat you differently “if I had a dick.” I’m really proud of that song, because I think it’s talking about something really serious, and it’s really fun. It’s about addressing the patriarchy, and how omnipresent it is. When I was young, I was so busy trying to make it, I didn’t see that there was a patriarchy in place. And it’s only as an adult, I start looking back going, “Oh, wow — when that A&R man told me to my face that he wanked over pictures of me, that was really uncool.” But at the time, you kind of laugh it off and just press on.

I was oblivious to it. In this song, I’m talking about how patriarchy bleeds into absolutely everything, specifically under organized religion. The “Godhead” is the male, and we are all under the godhead forever, and that’s unquestioned, and how crazy is that? Because a dude holds a higher position in society, because he’s got a dick and a pair of balls. Often, these balls are smaller than my own [laughs].

It just gets silly after a while, when you watch other men protect other men just for the sake of protecting the patriarchy. So few men are willing to speak up about bro culture and call into question the behavior of the men they are associated with. There’s just a reluctance by men to address this absolutely shocking, terrifying, depressing, pathetic assault by men of other people’s bodies.

In 1996, your bandmate Butch Vig said about you, “So many singers screamed to convey intensity, and she does the opposite. It just blew us away.” How did you come up with that approach? I don’t know. I’ve found that when people speak to me quietly, I feel the most threatened because I’m really comfortable with conflict. I thrive on conflict. It excites me in a funny way. When people are shouting, I don’t feel scared. I like to shout back; that’s just how my family were. We’d just start to shout at each other all the time. I’m not scared of elevated temper. For me, when people get really quiet, that’s when I know they’re really serious, because they’re in control of their rage, and that’s when they’re most deadly.

The last question I have is a shallow one. I love being cheap and superficial.

What’s the most indulgent purchase you’ve ever made? At the height of my success, I hired a person who would shop for me and then send everything in a big box to my hotel room. I would choose what I wanted and return anything else. One day, this beautiful pair of Italian leather boots arrived. I wore a pair very similar in the “Stupid Girl” video, and I thought, “Oh, yeah, these are really me. I’m going to keep these. These are amazing.” It was only when I got back from tour, I found out they cost $5,000. I can’t even laugh about it. It makes me so crazy. I still have these boots. I’d like to get rid of them just so that I never have to look at them again, but there they are every day, warning me of my own greed.

#shirley manson #garbage #2021 interviews

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years ago

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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 117

117

Lance was slowly dying inside, thanks to his dramatic flare for extremes. How he was sweating up a storm he didn’t know. He’d shed his jacket, now tied around Keith waist, as Kosmo tugged him onwards. It was hot. He’d gone from one extreme to another and questioned if he really was a tropical vampire. It was unusual for him to get this warm, his stomach gurgling as he followed his friends through the woods to where Matt and Rieva had been the previous night. He didn’t doubt their directional skills, able to pick up where Matt had marked trees along the way. The trees Kosmo seemed to really want to pee on matching Matt’s scent.

Ahead of him, Keith had his camera out, stopping whenever anything took his fancy. Pidge had been a total poser, roping Curtis and Hunk into helping her onto fallen trees for the perfect shot. It really was only him who was slowing the group down, thankfully able to blame it on Kosmo, mentally promising extra belly rubs and treats for him later. Nature was nice. Garrison had a couple of wooded areas but nothing like this... the only problem was the humidity. He was not a “humid vampire”. Rieva checking on him from time to time, making him paranoid that she knew. It didn’t help that he kept moving his hand to stomach without thinking. Feeling Kosmo tug on his lead a little too hard, Lance lurched with him, world spinning as smacked into the closest tree. “Not far” in werewolf speak seemed very fucking far as he rubbed his shoulder.

Having seen what happened, Matt laughed at him

“Dude, you’re asleep on your feet”

“Fuck off, Kosmo has to pee every two minutes”

“Let me take him”

Nooooo. He’d lose his excuse for lagging

“I’ve got him. I’m not letting you corrupt my fur son”

“Don’t come crying to me when you...”

Matt’s words becoming a predication as he tripped over his own feet, glasses going flying as Kosmo jumped on him, yipping as he did

“... trip. Damn... Keith, your boyfriend’s klutz is in overdrive”

Jogging back to him, Keith pulled Kosmo back

“Give us a moment, we’ll...”

Being viciously attacked by a tree, followed by tripping, Lance sighed as he flopped sideways, sprawling out against the cool ground

“Babe!”

“Here, give him some water. It’s pretty hot in here”

Shay offered her water bottle, Keith pulling out his own to offer Lance

“Guys, we’re going to take a break here. You guys go ahead”

“If he’s not feeling well, shouldn’t we turn back”

Fucking... fuck. Just... fuck. Someone shoot him. Shoot him and bury him here

“I’m fine. Just hot. Gimme a moment I’ll be good to go”

“You haven’t been well since we got here...”

“I’m fine, Shay. My body likes to either torture me with freezing my arse off or making me like I’ve landed on the surface of the sun”

“Are you sure? You look very pale”

“I’m fine. Sorry, Guys. Chocolate and hiking doesn’t seem to suit me. I don’t think I’m made for the wild outdoors”

Lance sent a mental apology to Hunk over Shay being so considerate, Hunk clearing his throat

“I can stay with you... if you want?”

“Nah, man. Shay’s totally loving this wild and manly adventurer look on you. We’ll catch up in a few”

None of his friends were sure about leaving. Pidge and Hunk thinking of him too humanly. Shiro awkwardly holding Curtis’s hand, the lie probably weighing heavily on him. Matt and Rieva were sympathetic, but knew he always threw up when he ate. Begging Matt with his eyes, Matt sighed at him

“If you two losers aren’t there in the next five minutes, I’m coming back to kick your arses”

“Sounds good. Seriously guys, don’t hike and snack”

Leaving them behind, Keith took him by the arm and pulled him away from the middle of the track. Sitting him down at the base of a tree, Lance was grateful Kosmo and Matt hadn’t peed against it

“You look hot. Do you have a fever?”

“Nah. Too much human food and heat. You could have gone with them”

“I’m not leaving you behind. I didn’t think you felt so sick”

“I don’t really. A bit dizzy but I’m okay”

Keith unclipped the handle part of Kosmo’s lead, extending it as far it went then clipping into place around his ankle so Kosmo wouldn’t wander off

“Water?”

“Please”

Sure. It’d come up. But he needed something to cool him back down.

Drinking carefully from Keith’s water bottle, he passed it back. The others were fussing over him. Shay especially

“Babe... do you think we should tell Shay?”

Keith hummed

“I don’t know. She’ll probably freak”

“She’s already worried. I hate it...”

“I know. The others will look after her”

“Hunk and Pidge are worried too. I’m not usually like this camping”

“You’re worrying too much. Hunk asked me if this was normal when I was doing the dishes. I told him it’s because you have no self control when he’s cooking”

“That’s true... He’s such an amazing cook. I really want him to open his own place up. I don’t think I’d stop eating if he did”

“I think we’d all be fat if we lived off his cooking. He’s better than most chefs at the places in Rome”

“I’m not surprised... Babe, I’m okay. I was hot before, but I’m cooling down”

“You flopped on the ground”

“Because it’s nice and cool. Woodlands and forests have their own micro-climates... I don’t think I do humidity well”

“Better than snow?”

“Everything’s better than snow. You didn’t have to wait back with me”

“I told you it’s fine, and it is. How do your feet feel?”

Lance tapped his heels together three times, finding himself still trapped in the toe eating boots

“Not too bad. Not as bad as my stomach, I’m like hungry again”

“Did you want to eat?”

“I didn’t bring... oh. No. No. I’ll be okay”

“Babe, that’s not what I’m asking”

“I know what you’re asking. The smell was super strong in the cabin, it’s like stuck in my nose or something”

“If you want...”

“We talked about this”

Keith sighed heavily. Yeah. He didn’t like Lance saying no

“I know, but you’ve been slowing down and you walked into a tree”

“I didn’t walk, I was pulled into by Kosmo. Matt scented the area last night and he’s trying to scent over it all”

“I still think if you’re hungry...”

“I’ll be fine. Just the change in weather or something. To think I was wrapped up and baking in front of the fire yesterday and here we are today”

“It is pretty extreme. I know it’s late to ask, but do you know where the others are?”

Lance suppressed rolling his eyes at Keith

“Yeah. I can hear them and I can smell them. They haven’t reached this mythical pond yet”

“I thought it was going to be closer to camp”

“Apparently werewolves like to overestimate things”

Keith snorted, getting the joke that at one time would gone right over his head

“Matt’s not going to like that”

“Then he shouldn’t have lied about the length”

Waiting, Lance shook his head when he heard a clear “Fuck you!” from Matt

“He didn’t like the joke”

“He heard?”

Seriously. How could a hunter...? How were the Blades still around?

“Babe, werewolf. And it’s not like we’re being quiet. I don’t need to feed, I’ve cooled down now and Kosmo seems to be trying to pull your leg off. Let’s go meet the others”

“You’ll tell me if you feel weaker or faint, won’t you?”

“Yes, mum. You’re fussing too much”

“Or am I fussing just enough?”

God. He loved this man. Keith was a special kind of idiot that owner his heart and soul.

The pond found by Matt and Rieva was nice and all, but Keith wasn’t sure it was that nice. At least not work the trek to the middle of fucking nowhere just to see a pond that didn’t have all that much appeal. The underground lake had been awesome. The pond a solid “eh”. Duckweed clung around edges, the reeds kind of making it nice to photograph. Pidge wasn’t thrilled their walking had ended with a pond that didn’t look safe to swim in. Finding a stray branch, she poked at the duckweed at the side of the pond

“Reckon it’s safe?”

Matt chuckled at his sister

“It was last night”

“Yeah, before you go to it. Man, you could have said it was basically a swamp”

Standing up, Pidge threw her branch into the water

“You’re just not seeing it’s potential”

“And I’m telling mum”

Matt gaped at Pidge. Keith sucking his lips in, trying not to laugh at the look on Matt’s face. With one gape he looked thoroughly betrayed

“That’s enough. We’re here now, we might as well make the most of it”

Shiro tried to restore calm with his “Dad” voice. Hunk nervously looking around them

“We’re not going to be killed here, are we? I feel like we could be killed here”

“Guys, you’re over reacting. It’s a nice spot”

Matt was trying too hard to make the sale no one buying

“Maybe if you’re a dog... Kosmo! Ack...”

Keith hadn’t noticed he was standing in mud, Kosmo had. Shaking himself off, mud went flying, Kosmo’s tongue lolling as he looked up at them proudly. Pidge wiping flecks off mud from her face with an unimpressed grimace

“He’s a menace...”

Great now Matt looked like he wanted to wolf out and join Kosmo in the mud

“He’s just being a dog. You wouldn’t understand”

“No, I’ll leave that to you and him. Right, if you need me, I’ll be on my tablet”

Hunk set up the snacks he’d brought at what he deemed a safe distance from the pond. Matt showing he didn’t care by wading out into the cold water, trying to coax Kosmo in for swim. Even Kosmo was smarter than to follow that idiot. Sitting next to Lance, his boyfriend had his head resting against Keith’s shoulder

“Hey babe, can you show me that thing on your phone again?”

He didn’t think Lance would ask in front of everyone. Pulling his phone out, he unlocked it then handed it over, Lance taking the device carefully, before starting to tap on the screen. It only took him a few moments to type his message out

“The pond sucks, but you’re beautiful”

Keith tried to ignore how happy the silly message made him, typing at the end of the Lance’s message with one finger that made things infinitely harder

“Can I be handsome?”

Lance nodding as he typed back

“Don’t forget rugged and grizzly”

Keith ducked his head, embarrassed over the praise, Lance adding

“I really love you”

Which only made his heart do that stupid thing it did. After 6 months, he thought the butterflies and weird heart beats would stop, yet Lance always seemed to make it happen far too often. Taking his phone back, he added to the message

“I love you too babe. Sorry about the pond”

Lance shook his head, it seemed the conversation had ended naturally. A moment or two passing before Lance took his phone back

“I’m sleepy. Matt was right about this being a good nap place... apart from the smell”

Yeah. It stunk to him and he was human. Damn dogs and their attraction to smell dead things

“Wanna talk a walk?”

Lance moved his head up to smile at him

“Okay... but not too far”

“Nah. I want to get some photos”

And spend some alone time with Lance again.

Picking a path around the pond, it was larger than reeds and duckweed made it seem. Lance holding his hand as they walked, Keith found he didn’t actually know what to say. Walking like this was nice. Maybe it was okay for things to be quiet? It didn’t feel uncomfortable until he realised they’d walked quite a way from the others. Pidge could still be heard yelling, some laughter in the otherwise still air... Then Lance went and sighed. He wished he knew what his boyfriend was thinking. And why he’d snapped at Shiro. Shiro seemed okay, and Lance would apologise again, even though he probably didn’t need to

“Babe?”

“I’m okay...”

“You sighed”

Lance sighed at him again, Keith rolling his eyes before pulling Lance in for a hug, Lance protesting lightly

“I’m fine”

“You still sighed”

“You weren’t saying anything...”

Keith couldn’t help but chuckle

“I was thinking the same thing... it’s nice not being surrounded by noise”

“Speak for yourself”

Keith kissed Lance’s forehead as he slid his hands down to his boyfriend’s arse. Lance squeaking as he groped him lightly

“What was that for?!”

“Because I could. Want to take a break?”

“Actually, yeah... You haven’t been taking any photos”

“That’s because I was too busy holding your hand. Want to try to taking a photo with me?”

“Haven’t you got enough of me?”

Keith chuckled again. He’d meant of the lake, and he knew he was biased and all, but he couldn’t have enough photos of Lance

“Nope. Here, I want to show you something”

Sliding around Lance, so he was now standing behind him, Keith popped the cap off the camera lens and flicked the knob to on. The camera chiming as it booted up

“Okay. Now, we’re going to take a photo”

“I know how to take a photo”

“Mmmm... but you said you weren’t sure about it and I want to share this with you”

In Rome he’d been shit scared everyone would find out and laugh at him over his hobby. Sometimes it was hard to have his camera out in front of their friends, but with Lance it was easier. His boyfriend never judged, even before they were dating

“It’s just duckweed”

Keith moved the camera to the right

“See how the light filters through the trees, and almost cuts the photo in half on the diagonal? If we zoom in, what do you see?”

On the screen he showed Lance the different. The way the one section caught the light, almost shimmering in the specs of water between the weedy growth

“That’s cool”

“Yeah... hold on”

Clicking the capture button, the image appeared on the screen for a few seconds before returning to viewfinder. Zooming out slowly, Lance perked up

“I like that one”

Keith bit down his snort. Lance must have assumed he’d already capture the image. His boyfriend reading his body language

“Not like that. It’s half and half properly now”

Keith clicked capture again, he personally would have moved the camera a little to the left to get the light balance two thirds instead of the half

“It is. But if we move it like this, tell me which looks better”

Adjusting his view, Lance hummed at him

“I get it... and it’d be a totally different picture again if you changed the angle”

“Yep...”

Letting his head loll back on Keith’s shoulder, Lance smiled at him

“I don’t think I’ll ever be a star photographer, but it suits you”

“I could teach you properly”

“You offered before. Honestly, I really like watching you. The way your eyes light up when you’ve got a shot you like”

“Am I really that transparent?”

“A little. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with eyes as honest as yours”

“Then you really do need glasses”

They would have forgotten Lance’s glasses earlier if Kosmo hadn’t pawed at them when they were getting ready to meet up with the other

“And you need to accept the compliment”

“You’re the one who compliments me too much”

“Then you shouldn’t be so kind to me”

Keith groaned. What was he supposed to do with that?

“Shut up”

Lance laughed at him. Keith dropping his left hand to rub his boyfriend’s stomach, Lance immediately letting out a soft moan that was far too cute

“Stoooooop”

“Why?”

“Because we’re got company that can hear me moaning and all you’re doing is messing with me”

“I’m not messing with you. Does it feel okay?”

“Honestly human food came up so hard in the cabin that I don’t want to eat”

“You kept the water down”

“I went and dealt with that while Hunk was finding the perfect picnic spot”

“You should have...”

“Babe. You know things came out one way or the other... Kind of comes with the whole being dead thing. I love that you care, but you’ve also got to remember I’ve been dealing with this for years and I’m used to dealing with it alone”

“Doesn’t mean you have to now”

“Fine, the next time I have to shit my guts out...”

Keith wrinkled his nose

“Okay. Okay. I’m overthinking. As long as you’re okay”

It was then that Lance’s stomach let out a loud gurgle. His boyfriend closing his eyes as he groaned

“I’m sick of it. It’s been doing that nonstop”

“Are you hungry?”

“A little...”

“You should eat”

“I didn’t pack anything. I thought “short walk” would be like a “human short walk””

“You need to eat. It’s not good...”

“I’ll be fine”

“Babe...”

“Keith, I’ll be fine”

Lance needed to be eating more. More of everything if you asked Keith. He didn’t like Lance having to throw up, but he and their baby needed the calories

“Then take...”

“No”

“You... look. You can feed off my fingers again. Just enough to make the hunger go away”

“Why do you keep offering?”

How did Lance not know? Other than the jealousy, which he was trying to work through, he didn’t have a problem. Lance wasn’t going to turn him from a feed. So why couldn’t his boyfriend see it was because of how he felt about him

“Because I love you. If we were in opposite positions, you’d be forcing it on me”

“I’m not that forceful”

“Right. And I’m not secretly half alien here hiding from the master race”

Lance laughed, face scrunched up as he did

“You know, you’d make a good half alien. I’d still love you just as much”

“You’re such a damn sap”

“And you’re twice as bad. Can we sit for a bit? I don’t feel like going back just yet”

“We’re not walking around the entire pond?”

Lance shrugged, opening his eyes

“I was following you”

Keith played along

“But I was following you”

His boyfriend shrugged again

“I guess we’re lost forever then”

“I think I’m okay with that”

Lance’s knees gave out on the way back to the others. Disguising it as tripping, he wasn’t sure why they’d suddenly given out. Not until he saw his hands. His nails long, dug into the ground. He could feel his fangs against his lip, edges pressing down against the toughened skin. Raising his head to look at Keith, Keith swore softly, his boyfriend pushing him aside as he drew out his hand gun. Lance not even getting the chance to be shocked as Keith shot him.

Shooting up from where he’d fallen asleep against Hunk, he realised everyone was staring at him. Right. They were in the main cabin now. He, Hunk, and Pidge had been sitting on the sofa. The three of them with their feet on the coffee table as they compared blisters and Curtis tended to their feet

“Ugh, bud? You okay there?”

Dropping back down beside Hunk, Hunk wrapped his arms around him. Keith was in the bathroom washing Kosmo with Shiro, so he couldn’t have been asleep for very long

“Yeah. Ugh ... I think I fell asleep”

“You did... I’ve been wondering how to wake you up so I could start dinner”

“How long was I out?”

“Half an hour. Keith’s still trying to get Kosmo clean...”

Lance could feel the dirt beneath his nails. His body wouldn’t stop shaking at the thought of Keith putting a bullet in his brain... Whining the name of his best friend softly, he needed the comfort Hunk provided

“Hunk...”

“Why don’t you help me with dinner? It’s been a while since we cooked together”

Lance kind of felt disappointed. He wanted to cuddle with his best friend, but Hunk liked to be moving when he had a lot to think about

“Okay... What’s for dinner?”

“Pasta, made fresh”

“Alright...”

Lance washed his hands, the scent of blood from the morning had finally started to disappear. As Hunk grabbed the eggs out the fridge, he watched his friend. Pidge was watching from them from the sofa... probably worrying. He made everyone worry and it was so damn draining

“Right. Can you grab the flour out?”

“Ah... sure”

Lance should have picked up on the signs Hunk was trying to distract him. Grabbing the flour out the pantry, Hunk smiled softly as he moved to the kitchen bench, Lance joining him

“Bud, I know somethings up. You can tell me”

“It’s...”

He wanted to. He wanted to so badly... That nightmare had shaken him. He didn’t think he was strong enough to keep his secret

“I... Hunk...”

As he sniffled Hunk pulled him into a hug

“Whatever happens, Bud, you can rely on me”

“I know... I know... it’s just not... I... I don’t want you to hate me”

“I won’t... Do you need a bit to think it out?”

“Yeah... I had a nightmare Keith shot me in the head and... I’ve been lying again... and I hate it...”

“It’s alright. I mean, I know you’ve got a few secrets... you’d have to. Here, pour out the flour for me... and I’ll get the pasta machine out”

Lance poured the flour on the bench, sniffling as he did. He didn’t know where everyone one was, but he did know he couldn’t mentally keep his secret any longer. He’d wanted to wait. To be more confident and sure of the pregnancy. Flattening out the flour, Hunk bumped into him gently

“It’s just flour, Bud. No need for the tears”

Fuck... He needed his best friend. Having a boyfriend was a different kind of friendship...

“I... I’m...”

“Lance, it’s okay, Bud. You don’t have to rush right away”

“It’s not that... you can’t tell”

“Now you’re making me worried”

“Just... hang on”

Keith put the idea in his head, Lance spelling out his secret in the flour. Those simple letters with so much more meaning

“Don’t tell anyone yet...”

He spelt it out, waiting for Hunk to catch on, his bestie humming when he did, Lance brushing the flour back into place

“... Matt and Rieva hear everything”

Hunk nodded quickly, before drawing a smiley face in the flour

“I’m pregnant”

This two words had Hunk sweeping him into the tightest hug of his life as Lance messed the flour up to hide the evidence

“I... I wondered... are you...?”

Lance nodded as his nerves went weird. Hunk hugging him hadn’t been... well it’d been a dream

“Oh, man... it makes sense now... but... nope, I’ll ask later...”

“Thank you... I’m so sorry”

“Shhh... Keith, uh, he kind of put the idea in my head and I guess maybe he wanted me to work it out”

“Keith is very attached to “macaroon”... just don’t use the word too much”

Hunk immediately let him go, hands going to Lance’s shoulders as he hung his head

“I thought you just wanted macaroons...”

“It’s okay, Hunk. But now Pidge is watching, she’s about ready to demand to know what’s going on”

“Oh, right. Be cool... be cool... do you need anything? Should you be resting?”

Great. Someone else to over worry about him...

“I’m okay. It’s not that different just more puking. Anyway, we should start dinner”

“Yeah, man. I’m making garlic knots. This is a special occasion”

“You’re not grossed out”

“I’m shocked, not quite sure how it works, or if I really want to ask, but as long as...”

Lance threw his arms around Hunk. Nearly sobbing in relief of the weight lifted off his shoulders, and, kind of more importantly, that his best bro wasn’t about to reject him.

“Okay, you two are acting weird. What’s going on here? And why am I not part of it?”

Lance peered at Pidge over his best friends shoulder

“Hunk promised to teach me the secret ingredient in his mama’s spaghetti bolognese!”

Pidge’s eyes went wide

“That’s a top secret family recipe!”

“That’s why I’m excited... I’ve been after it for years!”

He already had the recipe, but there was something different about how Hunk’s mother made it taste. Being taught to be useful he’d offered to help Hunk’s mother, memorising things by watching her. She kind of loved him, not that he was bragging

“Sorry, guys. I can teach Lance the recipe but we’ll have to talk about it when we get home. I don’t have everything here”

Lance pulled away, wiping at his eyes. The conversation may have gone differently if Keith hadn’t already planted that thought in Hunk’s brain

“Dude... I’m totally betrayed here. It’s a good thing the pastas going to be delicious”

“I wouldn’t say that...”

“Hunk, you are a kitchen god descended before us mostly human beings. Even Keith agrees. We’d all be fat with how good your cooking is, buddy”

Hunk shuffled nervously under the praise

“I don’t know. You and Miriam know so many great recipes too”

“Which I’ll totally teach you. Let’s get the pasta started”

“Sure thing, man”

Watching the exchange, Pidge grumbled

“Boys are so freaking weird. I’m going to go hang with Shay, at least she’s interesting”

“Let her nap. She’s making the most of getting some sleep in before she goes back to work”

Lance realised he hadn’t thought to ask about Shay... Pidge made a show of climbing off the sofa, walking away from them with his feet turned slightly out to avoid pulling weight on the blisters on her big toes. Lance waited until she was gone before whispering

“Hunk, I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest. Do you think I should I tell her the truth? Like about me? I don’t want you having to lie to her, it sucked so damn hard having to lie to you, and I don’t want to rob you of your happiness with her”

“I don’t know, man... I don’t want to freak her out... I don’t want her freaking out at me for hiding it...”

“I know. I know and I’m sorry... I hated lying to you, but once you know about the scary things you can’t take it all back”

Realising they were born whispering at the same time, the moves away from each other. Lance moving to start welling the flour, Hunk going on the search for his pasta rolling machine

“Let me think about it? I’m still... processing... I mean... you and Keith are dudes... you’re... a guy... and I’m not saying this right, man. I’m like super happy for you... but I still have like a hundred questions of how this even happens”

They didn’t have time for the hundred questions. Lance still a hundred questions over how it’s happened and how he was going to get Hunk alone to fill him in on everything so far

“I’m a different type of vampire from drinking Keith’s blood. That still sounds really gross and wrong... I’m really gross when you think about it. I only did it to save his life and my body started changing thanks to it. I really love Keith, but I don’t... the thought of feeding from someone warm and living, makes me feel gross”

“I kind of don’t think about it. I mean, I do, but I mean like you’re our best friend. Me and Pidge are starting to get it”

“You shouldn’t have to though...”

“It’s weird, but when you think about it, blood is used in a lot of different dishes around the world. Mongolian tribes have this dish made of horse blood and milk, and then there’s things like blood sausages... I mean, no one gets hurt right? To get the blood?”

“It’s donated. People get compensated... Coran makes sure they’re not mistreated or anything like that... It’s... um... easier to eat when you don’t know where it’s from”

“Like it’s easier to eat devilled ham spread when you don’t know they use pig eyeballs and eye lashes in it”

Lance shook his head, he didn’t want to feel so reassured that it was okay to be drinking human blood in front of his human friends

“You’re being too calm”

“Lance, have you ever wanted to feed off of me, or off of Pidge”

Lance took instant offence

“No! Ew... no. I love you guys, how could you even think that’s okay!”

“You just answered how we’re okay with this. You wouldn’t. Not unless there was absolutely no other option. You’ve got another option, but if you didn’t, neither of us want to see you suffer. We’re friends and friends work things out together”

Oh.

Deserting his role with the flour, Lance wrapped his arms around Hunk again

“I’m sorry I lost it... I shouldn’t have snapped...”

Hunk chuckled, always up for a hug

“It’s fine, man. Sometimes you get caught up in your head too much”

“I’ve never had... you know... human friends who knew about me. You guys... I love you guys so much. I’d never feed on you... I can’t...”

“I don’t know, Shay calls me her “tasty snack”...”

“Yeah. No. She can snack on you. I’m sorry, I’m being all weird”

“You’ve been weirder than normal for weeks now, but you’ve always been a little weird”

“I’ve been weird for 7 weeks... Keith’s accident started it all”

Hunk swatted at his arm

“Dude. Too much information”

“We we’re going to wait until the next time I saw Coran...”

“It’s okay. I’m not about to tell... but you need to be taking better care of yourself”

“I’m trying. God. At this rate dinner’s never going to be done”

“Are you saying my hugs aren’t worth it?”

“They’re totally worth it... you’re like, the coolest dude ever”

“It’s my gift and my curse”

They both laughed. Out of everyone, he was so fucking relieved that Hunk knew. He just hoped Pidge would take the news as well as him.

#ashratherose #oncebittentwicestupid #once bitten twice stupid

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #435

from yesterday, don’t feel like updating the answers. :^)

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Uhhh. I really don't know... I mean maybe doing all I can do avoid debt? That's what my parents mostly argued about, and I know financial strain can really affect a couple. I never want that burden. Who in your life causes you the most stress or negative feelings? My damn self. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No; my parents didn't grow up here. Wait! I THINK Mom had one of my college professors? I don't recall for sure, and I definitely don't remember who it was. Are you the type of person who seeks out revenge? Nah. Are there any songs that inspire you? Certainly, such as "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne, "Get Up" by Shinedown, and more. How do you feel about celebrities getting involved in politics? Do you think that the celebrity world and the political world should be kept apart? Not at all; everyone has the right to share their opinion and should not feel like it's necessary to censor it. Let them be people with morals and beliefs, too. I'm totally fine with them CHOOSING to be quiet about controversial subjects, but they're more than welcome to share their thoughts on any topic. What is one pro of living where you do, and what is one con? What is a pro and a con of living where you wished you lived? I guess the only real pro (and this is horrible to be the first thought) is that we're under the radar; like, not really a target for terrorism or anything, lol. I'd get kinda nervous if I lived in, like, Washington D.C. or something. We have A LOT of cons: there is NOTHING to do, we're essentially a hub for crime, the scenery is boring and bland as fuck... I could go on for a long time. I'd love to live in many areas in North America, but I'll go with Alaska, since that would absolute RULE. A strong pro would definitely be the cold climate and the sights, but it would definitely be a con to me when that relentless dark era lasts for months on end. I need the sun (from inside anyway, ha ha) sometimes, because it being dark for what, half a year?, would really damage my happiness. What is your favorite episode of your favorite TV show? Referring to Meerkat Manor, it's actually the one where Mozart dies, I think, even though it destroyed my heart. I just think the writer portrayed it as so beautifully tragic, and the clips shown were so pretty. Does having others watch you do things make you uncomfortable? What sorts of things make you extremely uncomfortable if you are watched while doing them? Are there any things that give you confidence to do if you have an audience? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. Do NOT watch me on the computer (especially when writing), I literally will not draw if someone's watching (inevitably besides in Art classes, I think Sara is legit the only person who's watched me draw a bit), I really don't like people watching me edit photography, I'm nooot a fan of others seeing me exercise (though I kinda have to suck that up with having a personal trainer), etc. etc. Just don't watch me do anything, lol. I don't know what actually boosts my confidence if I'm being observed. Does someone in your house speak a different language on a regular basis? No. Do you follow or care about any big sports events? Not at all. Are there any activities people normally do together that you prefer doing alone? Hm. I dunno. If you are going somewhere where you’ll have to wait for a while (i.e. a doctor’s office), do you bring something to occupy yourself? My phone, yeah. How long is your favorite song? I checked, and it's almost six minutes. Do you think you’d ever want to be “internet famous”? I'll admit I've somewhat thought about it, only because my career choices are running so dry, and I'd be able to do it alone. However, I've got noooo idea what I'd actually do, and I also don't think I could handle ridicule or anything like that for any reason. Having a spotlight on me would stress me out. Who was the main cook of your Thanksgiving meal last year? My older sister. What moment in your life have you been most scared? Probably this one occasion where Dad had to pick my sister and me up from school one day and make the 30-minute drive home. Well. He was clearly in a hellish mood because he was flying. He ran stop signs and red lights, passed people illegally... I was in the passenger's seat and absolutely convinced we were going to crash. I can barely believe we didn't. Who was the last person you slow danced with? -_- Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. I like how they block out external sound better, and they don't hurt my ears like headphones do. What person/people do you trust the most? My mom. Who in your life do you care about more than yourself? My parents, sisters, my nieces and nephew, Sara... A lot of people, if I'm being honest. I don't value my life as much as I should. Which wild animal would you most like to have as a pet? I am DESPERATE to rescue an opossum one day. :''''( What teacher did all the high school boys/girls have a crush on? I have no idea. Have you ever felt seriously violated? No. Do you watch American Horror Story? I adore(d) the first season; it was mine and Jason's "show." We watched most of season two as well, but I lost interest in the later half of it. I haven't really watched it since, save for the pilot episode of some season I forgot. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? Not to my knowledge. What’s the scariest nightmare you remember having? Something involving my dad that I won't speak about. Pancakes or French toast? Oh my god, French toast. That sounds delicious rn. Are there any apps you’re addicted to? Not addicted, nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? Yes; it was a bunny holding a multicolor polka-dotted blanket. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Hell yeah. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? No. What colors of mascara have you worn on your lashes? Just black. What font do you usually use? I mean, it depends on what I'm doing. Is it supposed to appear professional? Aesthetically pleasing? It varies too much to answer this with one font. What about font colors? Usually just black, but again, it depends on what I'm writing. Are you good at making graphics or designing layouts? Ha, no. Do you put gel or mousse in your hair? No. Sleep with just one pillow? No, I use two. I am VERY uncomfortable with just one. Ever woke up crying? Yeah, from nightmares. Do you like big dogs or small dogs better? It depends on the breed and their energy level. I don't really prefer one over the other as a general judgment. Are you going to graduate high school on time? I did. Been to the zoo lately? No, but I'd love to go. :/ Now that I'd consider myself at least a pretty decent photographer, I'd love to see what shots I could take. I LOVE photographing animals with how unpredictable they are. It's like playing the lottery; you really don't know what you're going to get, but you have the chance for seriously priceless moments. Even if we could afford the trip, though, I know I wouldn't last long whatsoever with my legs being as weak as gelatine. I know especially that there's a notable incline in the path, and I'd never make it up it. I really, really look forward to the day where I can really start feeling a difference in my body thanks to the gym. Have you ever been to Mississippi? No. What did you do for your last birthday? We went to The Cheesecake Factory. Do you like to cook? No. What is the worst thing that has happened to you in your entire life? If I'm looking at the big picture and what truly damaged my pleasure in life the most, it'd be developing depression and such intense anxiety. I've given up so much and changed so negatively because of it. Do you know when your next family reunion will be? We've never had one. My family is too spread out. What is your favorite thing to do with your significant other? I'm single, but even in a relationship, I love playing video games together. I've got multiple memories of just having a great time doing that. Where is “home” for you? Wherever Mom is. Is there an animal that creeps you out? Whale sharks, maggots and other bug larvae, centipedes, many beetles, and some other bugs. What is the name of the last band you discovered? Uhhh.. good question. I admittedly don't listen to new music a lot. I tend to stick to the stuff I know. Do you prefer group projects, or would you prefer to work alone? I would rather kick my ankle against a Razer scooter than do a group project. Have you ever been to Hooters? No. Do you have a brother? What’s his name? Yeah, Robert, but everyone calls him "Bobby." Have you ever thought that your life was so bad you wanted to give up? About a billion times. I still do sometimes. Do you have a ceiling fan located in your bedroom? Yes. Have you ever been in a lighthouse? No, but I was supposed to visit one in the fourth grade. The water was way too aggressive that day, though, so we had a change of plans and went to a closer island. Hell, it might have been the better option, because it had horses. I remember collecting seashells, too, and just watching the power of the ocean hammer at the shores. It was really pretty. Have you ever been bitten by an animal? Only playfully, like by a cat. Well wait, I think my old baby iguana may have bitten me once (he sure tried to, ha ha), but I don't remember for sure. Did it rain today? Yes. It rains pretty much every afternoon here in the late summer. What was the name of the last dog you pet? Zeke, my sister's German shepherd. He's adorable. Has your luggage ever been lost at the airport? Did you get it back? No. Do you have certain friends that you hug every time you see them? I pretty much always hug my friends when I see them. I'm a big hugger. Have you ever witnessed a tornado? No, thank the fucking Lord. Who is your favorite person to talk to when you’re down? Sara. What are you listening to right now? "Blood For Blood" by Powerwolf. Can you get over people easy? Hell no. I do NOT handle loss well AT ALL. And not just romantically. What was the last thing you carried to your room? A drink. Do you drink water that comes from your sink? Only once it's been filtered. Have you ever prank called the police? That is fucking awful. No. What’s your LEAST favorite smiley? XD looks so stupid to me I'm sorry lmao xD reigns supreme. Do you like Italian food? Yeah, more than I used to. Have you ever put red lipstick on just to make lip marks on something? No. Do you watch Shane Dawson on YouTube? Isn't his career pretty much toast now? I DID used to love his videos, though. I still occasionally watch his fiance, though, and he pops up sometimes. Regardless of everything, I still think he's funny as fuck. Would you ever spend a day to see what it’s like to be homeless? NOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO. I am TERRIFIED of living on the streets someday. I want NO idea what it's like. Is the house you’re currently living in over 50 years old? I highly doubt that. Have you ever had a yard sale? Many. What is your favorite color? Baby pink. Did you have a good day or a bad day? Today was extreeeemely dull and felt like it lasted eons. Do you know anyone that has/had cancer? I sadly know maaaaany. Have you ever read somebody else’s diary? No, that is incredibly rude. Do you enjoy going to school? I hated it from start to end. Like I have good memories, but overall, I hated school. Were you a big jump roper back in the day? OHHHH YES. I almost learned how to double-dutch, even. I could jump with two ropes, but not jump in with two. Are you a local celebrity? Definitely not. Do you eat candy daily? No. I'm already fat dude, I don't need candy. I avoid candy as best as I can. Do you get nervous with public speaking? Like you would not believe. How old were you when you got your driver's license (if you have it)? I'm 25 and still don't have it. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you? Yes. What memory are you most afraid of losing? Meh, I don't know. A lot of what I consider my "favorite" memories I'd honestly be better off losing, probably. Who accompanied you to your first concert? My mom, younger sister, and Jason. Would you rather have tickets to see your favorite band in concert, or $100 to go shopping? TAKE ME TO THE OZZY CONCERT. What do you usually eat for breakfast? It really varies. I'd say cereal most often, probably? Do you wish you were more outgoing? Yeah. Do you know anyone who wears a hearing aid? I don't think so?

#survey #surveys #random questions

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twokinkybeans · 5 years ago

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Pale Rose - Lion Whisperer AU Chapter 2 [Starker]

Chapter 2: Mister Six AM. Peter groans as he turns around in his bed to slap the alarm. The sun is already shining through the curtains and he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. Peter cracks his back and sighs, slowly raising his hand again to grab his phone. He unplugs it from the charger and frowns when he sees a wall of notifications. He puts in his code and opens his email first. He gasps when he reads his daily donation update. Their donation goal of 100k dollars was met. And kicked out of the park by another 560k. The number of separate donations has him lose his breath. How did so many people find this fundraiser? Peter opens the next email. YouTube contacted him to… Congratulate him? Peter’s eyes go wide when he sees the number in the email and he immediately switches apps to check his YouTube account. How many subscribers did he have yesterday? Around 700k?

“Holy shit…” he mumbles. 1.8 million subscribers . Peter jolts to sit upright in his bed, his bare chest uncovered from the thin sheet as he scrolls through the countless new comments he has. He pants, not believing what is happening. He’s pretty sure he can’t even read all of them anymore at this point. On his most recent video, the most liked comment sparks his interest. Who else is here because of Tony Stark?

“Oh, no, he didn’t.” Peter switches apps again and opens his Instagram. He stares at another wall of notifications and opts to just turn them off for people who aren’t mutuals. He’s about to hit the search bar to find Tony Stark’s Instagram in the list of people he follows, but with his notification wall compressed to just mutuals, one shines through.

Tony Stark now follows you. They’re mutuals now. Peter immediately hits his account and stares at the latest post. It’s a candid of Peter with Adi and Nedda. Tony didn’t have a phone with him, though, or a camera. How could he have taken this picture? Peter’s breath is stuck in his throat as he scrolls down to the caption, almost afraid of what he might read. Meet Peter Parker. A bright sun, that rivals the one up in the sky, who also happens to work with cats. Big cats. Wakanda’s Sanctuary, almost 300k square feet of land, is the home of lions and other animals that are native to Africa. There, Peter takes care of the animals that are endangered because of human interference. Animals that can no longer be released into the wild; that were saved from horrible private zoos or who fell victim to poachers. I was blessed with both a terrible sunburn and a generous conversation with Peter, in which he told me about his goals to raise money in order to fight poaching and to raise awareness for climate change. I do encourage all of you to watch at least one of his videos, just to get to know him and his feline friends a little better and to give him that small bit of ad revenue to help him achieve his goals. The world would be a better place if we were all a little bit more like Peter Parker. Peter stares at his screen, his cheeks flushed red at the endless stream of compliments. Peter reads over the last line again and again and again and again. Tony’s post got him this increase in subscribers. Tony’s post got him all of those donations. This was all because of Tony. Peter tears his eyes away from the phone to look at the small card on his bedside table. Matte black. No name. Just a phone number. Tony’s phone number. Maybe doing a collab with the billionaire philanthropist isn’t such a bad idea after all... - Peter assesses himself in the mirror. He’s never been this nervous for a video before. Or, ever at all, really. Tony Stark immediately agreed to being present for the move. Even on the phone, the man had been incredibly charming. Peter ruffles his hair in an attempt to make it look good, while sucking at his teeth. He swears quietly, knowing spending time with the lions will mess his do up again anyways. Peter opts to not think too much about it and covers himself head to toe in sunscreen, as he does every morning. He takes one last glance in the mirror before grabbing his baseball cap and putting on his walking shoes. When Peter opens the front door of his apartment at The Sanctuary he gulps and immediately walks back in to throw the door shut with a loud bang. Tony was already there. Right outside his small, messy room. Peter saw him well enough to have the image of Tony’s outfit stuck in front of his eyes. Camo shorts, brown walking shoes and a green shirt. His brown tinted pilot sunglasses hide his eyes mysteriously and fuck. He looks hot. Peter takes a deep breath in through his nose and closes his eyes, trying to calm his nerves. “Here we go…” he whispers to nobody but himself and when he opens the door again, he yelps, refraining from throwing it shut straight away again. Tony’s right in front of him, hand raised to knock on Peter’s door. The older man cocks his head and smiles. “Morning, Rose,” Tony quips. Peter swallows his breath and chokes when he hears the nickname. “You rushed back in, so I figured I’d come say hi.” “Yeah!” Peter exclaims, laughing sheepishly. “I- eh… I saw you didn’t bring a cap. I was gonna grab you one.” He presses his lips together in a smile. Yes. Good excuse. “A… cap?” “Yeah, a cap.” Peter doesn’t know what to say next and awkwardly stares at Tony’s features. “Should I have brought a cap, then?” Peter jolts when Tony speaks again and he points at his own head. “You get sunburnt at the top of your head quickly out there and I’m guessing you don’t want to put sunscreen on your scalp, so…” Peter swiftly takes off his own hat and pushes it onto Tony’s head. The man is startled by the gesture, but doesn’t protest. Peter stares at the man wide-eyed when he realizes what he just did. “-Ah,” he stutters. “Sorry about that, I should’ve asked, shit-” “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Tony laughs. “I get it, okay? When we first met I was just the random dude you see in the news occasionally and now I completely flipped your life with one post you didn’t want me to make.” Peter stands frozen in place, staring at Tony and pretends that that is exactly the reason why he’s so flustered. “I’m sorry for not asking permission. That’s on me. But- please- don’t feel like you have to do anything for me, okay? You don’t get the title of philanthropist by asking for things in return.” Peter takes a step back and looks at his feet with a frown. Tony clears his throat. “So, what are you gonna use for your head?” Peter looks up so he can stare at Tony again. Tony gestures towards Peter’s hair by nodding. “You just pressed your cap on me. Thank you for letting me borrow it, by the way, but don’t you need the protection as well?” “Right!” Peter exclaims, turning to fall on his knees and crawl under the bed to get a small box. He takes out an old, slightly more worn cap and waves it in front of his own face. “That’ll do.” - “Good morning everybody,” Peter smiles at the GoPro in his hand. “It is currently 7am, we got a busy day ahead of us: we’re going to be switching enclosures for two prides and if that goes smoothly, we’ll hopefully be taking Adi, Nedda and Beru for a walk this afternoon.” Peter looks down at his feet for a second and then back up into the lens with a wide grin. “Now, you must be wondering why I say ‘we’ for the walk, as that’s a thing I do without the volunteers of The Sanctuary, but I actually have a very special guest with me today!” Peter turns around quickly, whipping the camera with him until Tony enters the shot behind him. The man smirks and cocks an eyebrow. “Hello, there.” Peter feels Tony’s hot breath in his neck and has to stay focussed on the camera so as to not to lose his composure. A lot of people are gonna watch this video, simply because Tony Stark is in it, so he has to sell this right. For the lions. At least, that’s what Peter tells himself. “Tony Stark!” “Me!” Tony raises his hands above his head and they both pull a face, resulting in the both of them bursting out with laughter. “So,” Peter says, angling his camera correctly again. “A lot of you peeps have been asking me to make a video from the perspective of someone visiting The Sanctuary as opposed to just me with the GoPro attached to my arm, so I figured I could take this opportunity to see how well you handle a camera, Mr. Stark.” Peter presents the GoPro to Tony who looks at Peter’s fingers for a second. He really doesn’t like to be handed things, but every molecule inside his body is screaming at him to touch the boy, so he does something he rarely allows. With a grin, he takes the camera out of Peter’s hands, lingering a little longer than necessary and turns it until he’s no longer in shot. Instead, Peter’s all the viewer is able to see now. “Hey!” Peter exclaims. “You’re in this vid too!” “Yes, but you are infinitely more interesting to look at.” Peter scratches the back of his head and looks down, trying to hide his blush behind the worn cap. Tony clears his throat. “You doing your work, kid.” Saved it , Tony hopes. “Don’t think anybody goes to the Sanctuary Channel to watch my face.” “Well-” Peter exclaims, standing upright again with his lips pressed on top of each other. “I was also thinking that this video will be the one most people get introduced to my channel with because- well… You’re in it.” Peter nods, holding his chin with his thumb and index finger. “So, yeah, you can ask me anything that comes to mind. Doesn’t matter if I’ve touched on it before in other vids.” “Well, then, Mr. Parker-” “Peter,” the young man interrupts him. “Feel so old when people call me that.” “Sheesh, kid, you’re what, 22? Just a few days ago you were talking to me about retirement- we’re in the 21st century, people live ‘til 85 at least.” Peter laughs and boy, does Tony love making him laugh. “For the record,” Peter chuckles. “I’m 23. So that’s way older than 22.” Tony snorts. “And my workfield isn’t exactly without danger, Mr. Stark.” “Ha!” Tony exclaims. “Way to make me feel old, kid.” “But-” “If I’m not allowed to call you mister than you’re not calling me that either. Tony, kid. Call me Tony.” Peter hides his face behind his hands. “I’m gonna have to spend a whole day editing this vid, don’t I?” “Probably.” - “Alright!” Peter says excitedly as he hops into the truck. He slowly drives over the Sanctuary grounds. “Your timing is actually quite ironic, since we’re moving the Avengers today.” “The- oh?” Tony pretends he wasn’t already aware of this. He’s seen the videos of this particular pride. He knows what’s coming. He puts the camera diagonally and Peter chuckles, trying to steer with one hand while flailing slightly with his other to make Tony hold the camera straight again. “A group of four males. Banner, Thor, Rogers and-” Peter cocks one eyebrow with a smirk. “Stark.” “You named a lion after me?” Tony feigns his surprise with a wide smile and Peter scoffs a laugh. “These boys joined The Sanctuary as cubs about four years ago. Were all part of a circus.” Tony snorts and has to stop himself from losing his composure. “That’s not far off from the real thing,” he jokes. Peter presses his lips on top of each other in a grin. “Trust me, Mr- Tony.” Peter gently hits the brake and they slow down. “It’s quite scary.” “Says the kid who works with lions for a living.” “And hyenas,” Peter adds quickly. “And leopards.” “No black panthers?” “That’s the leopards,” Peter chuckles. “Leopards that are melanistic are commonly known as black panthers. But they’re still leopards, really.” Peter shrugs nonchalantly. Tony sniffs once. He’s getting schooled by a boy less than half his age. But he enjoys it. Somehow. Most of the volunteers were already waiting for Peter at the enclosure. There’s a large truck with a cage on top and a lot more commotion than Tony expected. “If you told me there’d be this many people I’d have prepped a speech,” Tony quips. Peter sighs dramatically and gets out of the truck. Tony follows swiftly and stares at how Peter speaks Xhosa with the other volunteers. It looks funny, almost, seeing a white boy speak the language so easily- fluently. After a minute, Tony grows bored, so he turns the camera to face him and pulls a few funny faces at it. When he realizes this video is going to be seen by a lot of people, he brings the GoPro closer to his face and whispers. “That was for your eyes only, Mr. Parker,” he grins. “Tony?” The older man looks up from the lens when Peter calls out for him and subconsciously, Tony smiles wide at the mention of his name. “You ready for the good part?” Peter shuffles past a few of the volunteers towards the gate and Tony makes his way over to fencing. “Oh, I am very curious, kid.” It’s not long before Peter’s by himself in the enclosure, the gate closed behind him. He casually strolls around, calling out the names of each pride member. Tony can’t help himself and inches closer to the fence. “So, these lions are four years old?” “Nearing five, yeah. They were only a couple months old when we found them. Sure made a wreck of my house when I raised them,” Peter laughs. “Pro-tip-” He raises one hand and only now Tony notices Peter’s holding a small chunk of meat in it. “-if you ever raise lion cubs; two at the same time tops. Not three. Never four. Four will make you so sleep deprived you think you have five cubs on your bed.” The boy chuckles at his own comment. “That was an interesting night…” Tony shakes his head with a wide grin. “I can imagine.” Peter suddenly cocks his head- listening. He turns and spots the first lion slowly making his way towards him. “M- Tony,” Peter says, looking back at the billionaire for a second. “Meet Rogers.” “Already have,” Tony groans, which makes Peter laugh. His focus immediately shifts to the lion and he squats, preparing himself for the imminent cuddles. He tosses the meat from his hand directly into the lion’s mouth. “Rogers is the most fragile of the pride. He was severely malnourished when he came here and though he bounced back, the joints in his back legs are not great. M’gonna have to help him get into the truck.” Tony listens carefully. Peter’s voice is sweet and soft. The white lion huffs friendly and presses himself against Peter, who pushes back against him with his head. When Peter opens his eyes, he nods at another lion approaching in the distance. “That’s Banner. He’s curious, but incredibly shy. Also the smallest of this pride. If none of you were here he’d come say hi, but the volunteers make him nervous, so he’ll probably keep an eye on us from over there.” Peter nods in the general direction of where the lion is and Tony turns the camera to get a shot of Banner. Not much later, a gigantic white lion approaches. He holds his head high and has a big mane. When he gets closer, Rogers immediately pulls back and lays down next to Peter. The big white lion claims Peter’s space and attention and the boy laughs as he pets him. “Thor’s the biggest- OOF!” The lion drops his weight on top of Peter, whose smile doesn’t falter. “Also the heaviest,” he adds. The lion huffs once, almost as if he’s protesting against Peter’s comments. “And the loudest.” Peter scratches Thor under his chin and the lion automatically opens his mouth right next to Peter’s face. His head could fit in there twice. At least. And the teeth are absolutely gigantic. The sight has shivers run down Tony’s spine. This is normal . This is Peter’s life. He knows what he’s doing, the boy does this every day. Tony bites the inside of his cheek. Lions. These animals are lions . Yet they act like house cats around him. Thor gets up again and without any incentive, he jumps into the truck. “He knows what’s up,” Tony laughs as he turns to the truck to take a shot of Thor from close by. He’s startled by a low rumble coming from Thor’s throat. “Is that purring?” he asks nervously. Peter stands up again, patting some dirt from the back of his shorts. “Lions don’t purr, that’s a growl. You better take a step back Mr- Tony.” Tony would make an offhand comment on how even though Peter corrects himself, he still ends up calling him mister, if not for the lion’s growls increasing in volume. He takes a hasty step back and Peter tosses another chunk of meat into the truck for Thor to eat. “The only big cats that purr are cheetahs and cougars.” “Now, that’s a fun fact. Good to know,” Tony says sheepishly, trying to hide his nerves. Tony frowns when Peter gets onto his knees in front of the truck. “What are you doing?” “Helping Rogers.” “You’re gonna let that gigantic beast step on you?” “Better than lifting him,” Peter quips back. He turns his head and whistles. “Rogie- Rogie, boy, come on!” Peter’s voice is high as he coos at the lion. Tony presses his lips on top of each other to stifle a laugh. Rogie, boy. He should remember that one for the real Steve. Rogers responds like a trained dog, but skips Peter completely by putting his front legs against the truck. He hops, but can’t actually get in. “Buddy, your balls are in my face, could you please get up?” Peter pats Rogers’ thigh before quickly placing his hand down again to brace himself. With great difficulty, the lion places one foot on Peter’s shoulder, not pressing his full weight down on the boy. It was enough of a step to help him get in, though. Peter stands up straight again with a triumphant look on his face. He tosses another chunk of meat into the truck and Steve takes it gladly. Thor had already laid down again, not too bothered anymore. Peter cocks his head at Banner, who’s still a bit away, but has decided to come a little closer when he noticed Thor and Steve entering the truck. Peter smiles kindly and squats, presenting a chunk of meat to the shy lion. Tony is absolutely enthralled by Peter’s control. The boy seems relaxed but if you look closely you can see how in tune he is with everything. How he keeps an eye on his surroundings. Banner creeps closer and when he’s next to Peter, it’s obvious how small he actually is. His mane is also way shorter than that of the other two. Tony stares wide-eyed at how Peter handfeeds Bruce the piece of meat. Handfeeds . “Not scared you’re gonna lose a hand?” “Nah,” Peter replies quietly. “Occupational hazard. And I trust my lions more than I trust humans, to be fair.” “Ouch,” Tony says to make light of the situation, trying to hide how that comment actually kind of stung. Peter chuckles, combing Banner’s short mane with his fingers. “We met three days ago, m- Tony.” “Does it really take you that much effort not to call me mister?” Tony laughs, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction. “I was raised with manners.” He grins at Tony and tosses the next piece of meat into the truck. Banner doesn’t hesitate anymore and jumps into the truck as well. “It physically hurts me not to call you mister.” “Sure, kid.” Tony zooms in on Peter’s face. “Well then, if I get to call you Parker you have permission to call me Mr. Stark.” “Deal!” Peter exclaims immediately. The boy’s smile is so bright Tony is pretty sure he’d be blinded by it if he wasn’t wearing his sunglasses. After another minute, the lions in the truck are getting a little restless. Peter sighs audibly and turns to face the enclosure. “You can guess who’s fashionably late.” Peter glances at Tony behind him. “As per usual.” “Time management is not my strong suit! And I was early this morning,” Tony laughs. Peter places his hands on his hips, guiding Tony’s eyes to look at the boy’s pert butt. He quickly looks back up at the back of Peter’s head. Now’s not the time for filthy thoughts… Maybe later. “Staaark!” Peter belts. “Here, boy!” Peter makes a couple of those funny noises he made when Tony first met him. “Why do you do all that? Those… Uwus?” “Wha- the noises?” Peter snorts. “Can’t believe Tony Stark just said uwu.” “Hey-” the older man protests. “You said it first! And I am hip with the youngsters.” “You know what? I suddenly don’t feel so old anymore,” Peter says with a grin. “You, Parker, are a meanie.” Tony points accusingly and Peter laughs. “Ouchies, that huwt my feewings.” “Just explain the noise, please-” Tony lets out an overdramatic exasperated sigh, indicating to Peter that he’s not actually annoyed. Entertained, would be the right word. Peter nods with a smile and turns back to face the enclosure so he can make the sound once more. “The huffing is actually me mimicking the sound of a mama-lion,” Peter laughs. “It’s comforting to them.” “See, you could’ve just said that straight away.” Peter shrugs nonchalantly, but before he can reply with another quick-witted comment, they all spot the dark mane emerging from the bushes. Stark really does take his time, slowly placing each paw in front of the other, as if he’s on a catwalk. Tony chuckles at his own thought. Catwalk . Stark stares at Peter as he crosses the distance between them and Peter preps himself by sitting down already. “Stark’s the most affectionate of the four,” Peter says as the lion presses into him. The force with which Stark rubs his face against Peter’s has the boy laugh and push back. “Next to Adi and Nedda, he probably likes me the most out of all the lions here.” He pats Stark’s back. “He’s also the most handsome of all the male lions in The Sanctuary. Hands down.” “Isn’t that subjective?” Tony asks quickly, pretending the indirect praise isn’t making him tingle. Peter shrugs before he buries his face in the dark mane for a second. “For lion standards, this is a pretty boy. Stark’s also the most sexually engaged.” Tony freezes up at how casually Peter talks about this. He wonders if Peter is actually indirectly talking about him. Not about the lion he’s petting. “That is, if we would breed here.” “You don’t?” “I don’t breed captive lions. The ones that we have in The Sanctuary are saved from situations that make them unable to be released back into the wild again. We spay every female to prevent them from reproducing.” “Why not the males?” “Spaying both is a lot of hassle for something that’s not necessary. If we were to neuter the males they would still be affected by the females’ cycles. That’s why we spay the females, who are unaffected by the males." “Ah, that makes sense.” Peter studies the near-black mane on Stark. “Should probably take these boys out for a walk tomorrow. Lower their testosterone a bit.” Peter looks up at Tony and gestures at Stark’s head of hair. “There were a couple of wild lionesses right outside The Sanctuary about a week ago. Stark must’ve picked up on them and their cycle ‘cause he’s a little sexually frustrated right now. As is evident by the dark colour of his mane.” Tony licks his lips. This isn’t happening. This isn’t actually happening. He shifts where he stands, hoping his shorts hide his own growing sexual frustration. Peter smiles wide and gets Stark’s attention by presenting a chunk of meat in front of the lion’s face. He tosses it into the truck and before the others in there can get to it, Stark has jumped in. Peter carefully closes the cage on top of the truck and nods at Tony, who still hasn’t said anything in an attempt to hide how flustered he is right now. “Let’s go!”

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More: Next Chapter (yet to be posted) Masterpost (yet to be made)

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Taglist: @professional-benaddict @tonystarkweneedyou

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