#Yeah pretty weird that the people providing our income gets to have it back in the end.

[thediamondmodcart]

There’s a mall in this fuckin place?? 🎗

Oh hey Peg. Yeah.

[mercy-burning]

Myth or Movie

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Unbeknownst to the two of them, Y/N and Spencer's children have worked up a plan to get them to meet... Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Strong language, oral sex (female receiving), penetrative/unprotected sex, someone is misgendered (nothing too bad, it’s very brief, and it’s sincerely apologized for by the person who misgenders) Word Count: 4.2k

MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is my 2nd entry for Pom’s ( @imagining-in-the-margins ) Enemies To Lover’s Writing Challenge! This one was one of the prompts she provided: You and (Character)'s kids don't get along, so you have to have a talk. Turns out you... really really get along... and I couldn’t wait to tackle it! I believe my exact words were: “I’m gonna Parent Trap these bitches”... So do with that what you will lol

———

"I'm so sorry I'm late!"

Two heads turn to stare at me as I burst through the doors. I'm out of breath from running through the building, something the staff really didn't seem to appreciate, though their shouts and annoyed glances were the last thing on my mind.

As I try to catch my breath, the two heads stand, and suddenly I feel a lot smaller.

One of them I recognize— Principal Anteros. I'd met with her before over some of Sky's academic achievements, all positive things, which is why today's circumstances make being in this office rather uncomfortable.

It's also why I seem to shrink with embarrassment at my tardiness— and appearance. Waitressing has its benefits, but today's whirlwind of phone calls and a mention at meeting another parent are not any of them.

Speaking of, the other person in the room is one I've never seen before. He's taller than both Anteros and I, extremely well dressed, and probably the most intimidatingly beautiful human being I'd ever met. I can barely meet his eyes, and so I try not to think about what he's doing here—to think about having to talk to him.

I shrink even further.

"Ms. Y/L/N," Principal Anteros greets. Thankfully she doesn't sound too upset given the circumstances. "Please, have a seat."

I do, brushing off my uniform as if that will somehow help my appearance. The soft leather of the chairs, however comfortable they might be, fail to bring me any comfort at all.

"As I'm sure you've guessed already, this is Doctor Reid, Vivian's father."

Great, he's a fucking doctor? This already bodes well for me...

Regardless of my reservations, I turn to him and give a faint smile. He waves in turn, and for the time being I'm extremely glad he doesn't insist on shaking my hand.

"It's nice to meet you," he says, surely nothing but a formality.

"You, too," I say quickly, then turn back to Principal Anteros. "Your phone call sounded urgent... Is everything alright?"

As soon as I say it, I feel kind of dumb. Because of course everything isn't alright. My child's principal called a meeting with another parent, and that can never mean anything good, not to mention the fucking intimidation and awkwardness in the room right now. I almost apologize, trying to explain that that wasn't exactly what I meant to get across, but then I would have just been talking for way too long, embarrassing myself further.

Once again, I'm thankful for Anteros's ability to move the conversation along. "I'm not sure, but it doesn't seem so. I only bring this to attention because Sky and Vivian are both stellar students. They've never had any disciplinary issues or difficulties with other students..."

"No one's hurt, right?" Mr. Reid asks. I know he's just concerned for his child, but for some reason it feels like an attack on me, like he assumes my kid had something to do with it.

"No, no one's hurt. Thankfully there weren't any physical altercations. But it seems your girls are quite... loud."

The doctor looks like he wants to say something, but I'm quick to jump in before he can. "Sorry... Sky is non-binary. They use they/them pronouns."

I half expect one or either of them to make a big deal or just roll their eyes at me, as most people seem to do when I correct them on the matter, but Anteros gives a sincere apology and Reid probably couldn't have cared any less.

I still can't tell if I like him or not...

But that doesn't matter right now.

"What do you mean by loud?" I continue.

Anteros sighs. "Well, while there hasn't been any physical violence, your kids seem to have very heated arguments, usually during lunch or in the hallway in passing... We thought maybe we could resolve it here since, like I said, they're both excellent students, but then it started escalating to classroom arguments... It's a lot of screaming..."

I have never known Sky to raise their voice at anyone, not even in a situation where I probably would have. Lord knows I'm thankful they don't have my impatience and tendency to get pissed off easily...

So what happened that was so bad, it made them snap?

"You... You're sure you mean Vivian is acting out like this?" Reid asks slowly, and I can't stop myself from laughing out loud.

"Come on, she's a professional. This has been going on for weeks, in her school, I'm sure she would know if it was your kid having a screaming match with someone else..."

This time Doctor Reid actually looks over at me, an eyebrow raised, and though I very much believe what I've just told him, the way he's looking at me right now drops my heart straight down to my stomach, like he's the principal and I'm the student acting out—No, it's worse than that... I feel like he's a disappointed parent, but not with Vivian, with me.

I avoid his intimidating stare and look down at the ground. "Sorry... I'm just... This isn't like Sky, either, I don't know what to do..."

"Well, usually when we have these sort of disputes, we like to have the students talk it out amongst themselves with a moderator present. But we've tried that, and it seems that they still haven't made any progress. Now, I know your children are good at heart, and it seems like you both are excellent parents— You know your children better than anyone here ever could. So, I'm proposing the two of you take a meeting some time and try to figure out how to settle this."

Seriously? If it hasn't been made clear already, this man is a doctor of some kind, planets away from my league in any capacity, and I can just picture the two of us in a screaming match close to what I imagine our children's looked like...

Maybe we can just e-mail.

"Okay," he agrees evenly, and I'm surprised he seems this calm considering I've just practically yelled at him... "I have free time this afternoon if you want to talk it over."

"I have to get back to work, but I get done at five," I sigh, wanting to get this over with. "Are you free then?"

"Mhm."

"Good," Anteros chirps, standing and leaving Doctor Reid and I to follow suit. "Perhaps over the weekend we can get this settled."

I sure as hell hope so.

———

"Ms. Y/L/N, wait!"

I have no idea what he could possibly want from me now that we've set a time and place to talk tonight, but I'm just praying desperately that he doesn't want to take this time alone in the parking lot to get back at me for accosting him in Anteros's office...

Thankfully, his face when he approaches seems rather kind.

"You can call me Y/N..."

"Right," he says, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and nodding. "I'm Spencer."

"Spencer... So, um... Did you need something?"

"O—Oh, I just... I know you have to get back to work so I'll make this short, but I wanted to see if you wanted to do, uh... dinner tonight?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, I just figured since we probably didn't expect for our weekend to go this way... We should make it worth it?"

"Are you really trying to turn this into a date?"

"W— No, not really, I just... You know, I thought it might be nice to... make this less like a chore, you know? A—And don't feel like you have to say yes, it was just a thought, I'm sorry if I made this weirder..."

The fact that I still can't figure this man out bothers me, but right now he's blushing, and he looks like he's trying to save himself from embarrassment, and it's so fucking adorable that I don't really care that I was just annoyed.

So I tell him, "Sure. Why not?"

"Really?"

"Yeah... Besides, Lord knows I haven't gone out for dinner in a long time."

The doctor is relieved, a smile creeping up on his lips that suddenly tugs at my insides and makes me wish for a second that it really is a date he's offering... "Okay, good. Do you want to meet at Waterstone, seven o'clock?"

The excitement starts to drain from me as he says it, followed by an incoming wave of embarrassment. "Oh, man, that... That place is kind of expensive, I don't—"

"Oh, it's okay, I'll pay for everything. I'll even wait outside for you so we can go in together if you'd like..."

Why he's being so nice to me I have no idea, but it's making my annoyance melt and my heart start to beat faster, and I really don't know how to feel about that. In fact I'm pretty sure it's weird as fuck given the circumstances.

But all I have to do is make it through this weekend, hopefully all will be back to normal, and I won't ever have to think about it ever again.

"Alright... It's a date."

———

Out of all the scenarios I'd pictured for the end of the night, this definitely had not been one of them.

I finished my shift at the diner, imagining on my drive home the look on his face when I inevitably showed up with something on my face or stained on my dress; Instead I showed up to Waterstone and was greeted with wandering eyes and showered with bashful compliments.

I expected to get into some type of argument about how each of our kids were better than the other or something, but we ended up talking through their traits with compassion, interest, and pride, all while agreeing that we just have to sit with them this weekend and explain that there are easier, better ways to sort out disagreements than screaming at each other in public.

I expected not to have much fun at all, but by the time we gathered the check and headed out the door, Spencer and I were laughing, just a little tipsy on Cabernet, our hands gently brushing and sparks shooting up my arm at the feeling.

I expected to go our separate ways and walk to my car and drive home, but instead he ended up telling me he was taking the Subway home, and I offered to give him a ride to the opposite side of town where I lived (Waterstone was right in the middle).

I expected to walk through the door, stumble straight up to bed, and sleep until Sky inevitably woke me up with them saying I've slept in too late and needed to get ready for work, but instead I ended up following Spencer up to his door to say goodnight.

And now we're at a fork in the road, and I can take one of two paths.

I can say goodnight, watch him walk in, and then go home and forget about this whole thing.

Or I can keep letting him stare at me until I find myself leaning in to kiss him. Whether or not he'll actually reciprocate is another story, but the little bit of wine tingling in the surface of my body and the dark, intense look in his eye gives me more courage than I've had since I met him.

Before I can make a move, Spencer talks, his voice small and inviting. "Do you want to come inside?" The beating of my heart quickens immensely as he takes another step forward and brings his fingers out to graze my chin. "Vivian's with her mom tonight."

Yes. Vivian's mom, who divorced Spencer pretty soon in the marriage after she just decided his job was too much to handle. He'd quit and took a teaching job, but even still, she declined his pleading to stay married and eventually admitted that she just wasn't in love with him anymore. At least she had the decency to let him have joint custody once his schedule cleared up, and it seemed like they were decent co-parents. Maybe even friends.

I think about Sky, how much they wish their dad had stayed, and how much I wish he had too. I was devastated when he left without anything more than a note. For years it took a huge toll on us, and I barely had the headspace to even think about dating anyone since then.

But here I am now, standing with this man who has also lost a spouse, who's somewhat of a single parent, and who seems kind and genuine enough that I don't think I'd have to worry about bringing him into the life of my child.

Though, I don't even know it'll go that far. I'm getting too far ahead of myself, and so to slow down I look at what's right in front of me. Right now.

Spencer looks at me like he wants to devour me. My whole body is tingling from head to toe. I want to kiss him, and I'm pretty damn sure he wants to kiss me back. He just invited me inside, which means that if I accept, we'll most likely end up sleeping with each other.

Again... Definitely not one of the scenarios I'd had in mind when I left the school today. But it's a damn good one, and he's so hot I want to cry.

My flirty switch turns on so fast, it nearly gives me whiplash. "And what are you gonna do if I say yes?"

"Depends... How badly do you want to walk tomorrow?"

My first instinct is to jokingly tell him to put me in a wheelchair, but I settle for kissing him instead, hoping that gives the same sentiment.

The way he melts into my body tells me I've succeeded. My arms fly up to his neck and pull him closer, and he holds me tightly to him, waiting for my lips to part so he can expertly slip his tongue past them.

I whine out and take a step towards the door. Spencer comes with me and fumbles with the keys in his pocket before reluctantly pulling away to get us inside.

Once we take our jackets and shoes off, he clings to me like static, drawn to me like a magnet, and I let him near without a second thought. Our lips find each other perfectly, like they've always meant to fit together. And as pieces of clothing come off on our way through the house and up to his bedroom, our limbs fit together just as well. Nothing is out of place.

Hell, I don't even remember how inferior to him I felt earlier in the day. Our jobs and lifestyles might seem like polar opposites, but for right now, the two of us are on very equal footing, coming together like it's always been meant to be.

I nearly fall apart when his fingers gather wetness from my cunt, just enough to tease me before pulling away and bringing them to his lips. I watch with a whine waiting on the back of my tongue as he slips his fingers past his mouth and sighs.

"More," is all he manages, and I want so badly to tease him—tell him how I know he can be more eloquent than that—but words are all lost on me too, when he drops to his knees and spreads me apart with ease. I have no choice but to reach behind and grip the foot-end of the bed as he works his tongue expertly against me.

Each of my sighs and whines are met with more avidity from him, taking the form of sharp flicks of the tongue over my clit, and once he adds his fingers to the mix, pumping them expertly inside me, I'm a fucking goner.

I come with a silent shout, clenching my thighs around his face and gripping the foot of the bed so tightly it feels like my hands might go numb.

Once my body loosens, Spencer gets up and kisses me, nearly knocking me over. I'm breathless and dizzy as the tang of my arousal coats my tastebuds. His hands are gentle despite the hunger in his lips, and the medley of sensations of all of these things has me weak in the knees.

"Getting harder to stand already, sweetheart?" he laughs, catching me as I fall into him. His hands clutch at my thighs and he carries me to the edge of the bed, crawling over top of me and kissing down my neck. "That's okay... I'll take good care of you."

I still can't manage to speak as he gently pushes in, the slow burn of him splitting me in two rendering me utterly incapable of even thought. I gladly welcome the pressure, especially once he's inside me all the way and lowering his body to mine. Our chests press firmly together as he pulls back and starts a steady pace with his hips. He traps me with his arms, bringing them to either side of my face. And when his fingers brush the hair from my eyes, he stares into them with intensity as he fucks me.

It's slow and hard. It's heart-pounding. It's earth-shattering. It's everything that makes sex worth having. In that moment we're two equals, so wrapped up in the mere feeling of each other that everything else is just background noise. He breathes me in and I do the same, and with each cant forward of his hips, he brings me deeper into this world we've both ultimately created together.

I want more than anything to wrap my legs around him and keep him close to me, but he's fucking me so good that I don't have the willpower. Instead, they lay spread out, lazy and open as his hips move between them. I'm warm all over, tingling everywhere our skin connects. When he kisses me, swallowing my pathetic attempts at whimpering his name, I'm positive that this is what Heaven must feel like.

Whether it's hours or only minutes later, eventually my body tenses, unable to hold back any further, and two particularly deep thrusts from Spencer send me barreling over the edge.

"There it is, sweetheart..." he praises, caressing my face with long, gentle fingers and leaving little kisses wherever they trail. His voice only seems to help me along, each warm syllable soothing the muscles that pulled taut at his mercy. "That's a good girl..."

I feel tired, calmed, and relaxed, when he pulls out only to jerk off over my lower stomach. Through tired eyes, I watch as he lets go and covers me with his release. Hearing him grunt out my name as he does it nearly wakes me up again, and it even finally brings some words out of me.

"God, you're so fucking hot..."

Well... Not exactly elegant, but the feeling gets across.

Spencer laughs and rolls over so that he isn't nearly crushing me anymore. He kisses down my neck, my arm, and he ever-so-slightly swipes the tip of his tongue over the mess he made before kissing my thigh and getting up to leave— presumably to get me something to clean up with.

Sure enough, he returns shortly with a wet washcloth and tenderly cleans me up. I manage to sit, leaning back on my elbows once he's done and smile at him. He's practically kneeling in front of me again, smiling back as his lips press featherlight kisses to the inside of my leg.

"How're you feeling?" he drawls, letting me pull him up to lay down with me.

"Really good. I haven't done that in so long..."

"Me either... I um... I hadn't really thought much about seeing other people once Lena and I got divorced... I guess I just wanted to put all my focus into being the best father I could, you know?"

"Mhm," I answer, turning to face him and interlocking our fingers. "I know exactly what you mean."

We lay like that for a few moments in comfortable silence, hands and limbs tangled while we breathe the same air and revel in the afterglow we've just created.

Suddenly Spencer laughs, and I squeeze his hand. "What is it?"

"I was just thinking... We probably wouldn't have met if not for Anteros calling us in, right?"

"Yeah..." I piece it together. "Guess I never thought of it that way."

"I just think it's funny, because in Greek mythology, Anteros was an Erote, known as an avenger of unrequited love, and he punished those who scoffed at romantic advances made by others... You and I never even thought about dating after our separations, and yet... Here we are now, because of Anteros."

Hearing him educate me on Greek mythology only serves to remind me how different we are. Still, the little story brings a comforting smile to my lips. "Well... Remind me to send her a basket of muffins or something to thank her."

"And tell her what? That you're grateful she got you laid?"

"Yeah. And what about it?"

The two of us dissolve into laughter that eventually fizzles and leaves us silent again. Our fingers are still tangled, and somehow we've snuggled in even closer.

"In any case, I'm glad I got to meet you, Doctor Reid."

"And I, you, Ms. Y/L/N..."

———

In the past two weeks since that first meeting, I hadn't received any more phone calls from Principal Anteros, which bode as a good sign.

Spencer and I decided to see each other as secretly as we could, which meant only giving vague details to our kids as to what we were doing in our spare time— It seemed weird to spring it on them if they didn't get along, so we figured it was best to wait until the situation was handled.

I tried to talk to Sky about their progress with Vivian, but they only insisted that everything was fine and they wouldn't have to worry anymore. And after relaying this information to Spencer, he informed me that Viv had said the same thing to him.

It wasn't until we both realized that they'd said the same things verbatim each time we asked, that something odd was going on.

And that's how we end up right here, Sky and I sitting on a park bench bathed in the golden October sun while I patiently wait for Spencer to 'coincidentally' show up with Vivian.

Thankfully I don't have to wait too long, because almost five minutes after we sit, I hear the familiar sound of my name falling from his lips, and it's hard to contain the cocky, playful smile that appears upon my own.

"Spencer, hey!" I call back, standing up and going to give him a hug. He pulls me in and he's nice and warm. He smells like burnt wood for some reason, and I want to breathe him in forever. Instead, I settle for a sweet kiss on the lips, both because I simply want to and also because it should baffle the fuck out of our kids.

Sure enough we pull away and look to them, and they look panicked. They have no idea what to do, what to say...

"Oh! Sorry... Viv, this is Y/N, Sky's mom."

The pure amusement in Spencer's voice makes me feel even warmer than being in his embrace. I look to his daughter and give her a wave. "Hi."

"H—Hi..."

It almost seems cruel to laugh at their predicament, but as I turn to Sky and introduce them to Spencer, they have clear annoyance written all over their face.

"Okay, Mom, I think we get it... How did you guys figure it out?"

"What, that you two pretended to hate each other so your principal would have to call us both in to meet?"

The pre-teens look at each other and sigh, truly defeated once and for all. "Yeah," they mutter simultaneously.

"Well, it surely didn't make any sense when you got in trouble for yelling at each other in the first place," Spencer points out. "And then when we asked you how things were working out, you both said the same exact thing..."

"It wasn't that hard to figure out, but we appreciate the effort," I add, reaching out to ruffle Sky's hair. They jerk away playfully, and I can't help but notice their smile as they peek over at Vivian.

"Our plan worked, though, so I call it a win," Vivian says with a shrug.

"As long as you two don't plan on causing any more disruptions at school..." Spencer looks between the both of them, and then at me, his eyes softening as he takes my hand and squeezes it. "Then yes. I'd call it a win, too."

I lean into him and laugh. "Turns out it wasn't Greek mythology that brought us together. It was The Parent Trap."

He raises an eyebrow, like he doesn't get what I mean, and before I can ask or explain, Vivian does it for me. "He's never seen it."

Spencer looks between the three of us like a lost and confused puppy, and we all laugh.

"Well, then, maybe we'll have to have a movie night sometime soon," I offer, reaching out for Sky.

Hand in hand, the four of us continue down the pathway, walking away from the setting sun while dried leaves rustle under our feet.

———

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[prorevenge]

Mess with minors and my job? Lose your job and your boyfriend.

Tl;dr at the end because this is a doozy.

Alright circa 2014 I worked for a large movie theatre chain in a small Midwestern city. Job was pretty awesome outside of the shit pay and essentially no way to move up. I like to think I am good at my job and I try my hardest no matter where I work. In this particular situation I was one the most tenured employees at the theatre save for two other folks who had worked there part time on the side, and had full time jobs elsewhere.

So for the sake of this story I need to tell you about Jane (not actual name). Jane started working for the theatre 2 months before me. They worked elsewhere as a supervisor and was looking to move up at the theatre. Right after I started one of the managers left to work at a different theatre and the supervisor moved up. We had two managers, one general manager (basically the highest level at the theatre), and a supervisor which is a manager in training. (This is important.) Jane somehow got the supervisor position even though there was another person who essentially was promised the position due to their continued service at the theatre for almost 8 years. There were rumors about Jane sleeping with the GM when she started and this situation got them going again. I didn’t care too much because why would I, I am but a lowly peon in the corporate machine. Anyways Jane moved up and the tenured crew member left the company because they got screwed over.

Once Jane moved up we had a whole meeting about her moving up and how the theatre focuses on professionalism and ensuring no favoritism was happening. Specifically referencing how normal crew members shouldn’t fraternize outside of work with management.

Jane didn’t really listen to that though. She continued to hang out with the crew members who were mostly underage and would do various things like go drinking with minors, taking them to bars and buying them drinks or simply buying alcohol at a store and letting them drink at her house, I honestly have no issue with the drinking at home deal, just adding context, as well smoke weed with them and post pictures on Instagram. Oh yeah I forgot to mention Jane had a secret Instagram where they would post pictures of themselves with their friends from the theatre. They chose Instagram because none of their family or their boyfriend used Instagram and no one would know right?

Even more damning was her relationship with a 19 year old that worked at the theatre. She had a boyfriend who had been with her for years and honestly supported her for all intensive purposes. Not only did she have a 19 year old side piece, but also was messing around with a 17 year old. I even caught them messing around in the break room one time. She essentially threatened me with my job if I told anyone. Honestly she could’ve just told me to please be quiet and I would have just judged her silently.

Fast forward about a year or so and another one of the managers left for a new job. Jane obviously moved up and someone else took the supervisor position. Now I won’t go into too much detail, but despite my tenure and performance I was looked over for the promotion. A newer crew member who was really good friends with Jane got the position over me. This was confirmed by the other manager who let me know that Jane was definitely in good with the GM, who ultimately made the final decision. That being said I was beginning to sour and making minimum wage for years at a job that couldn’t give a shit about my efforts and continued performance. That being said I was preparing for an exit.

Before I get into my exit, it is important to note that Jane had and most likely still has a problem with me. I have talked about some issues I had with her, but I never escalated or even confronted her about anything she did to me up to this point. I honestly left it be. But I didn’t like her and the fact I didn’t like her or play along with her bullshit infuriated her. So much to the point where she made my life hell at the theatre. When she was a supervisor she didn’t have much power but when she became manager she began giving me shit shifts, convincing people that I was weird and to avoid me (I mean I am weird but not like avoid me weird), threatening me physically, threatening my job, her and her gang of misfit assholes also slashed my tires (I have no solid proof, but my car was parked in the employee lot and ya know only employees can get in), beyond that she also made fun of my girlfriend (my now wife) for having an invisible illness (MS), she would make her life hell because she had a disability and had some minor limitations. Add together all of this, plus my GF went off to college, plus getting looked over for the promotion, suffice it to say I found a new job.

I had a few close friends at the theatre including my now wife who I met while working there (silver lining right.) I had let a few of them know about the new job, but told them to keep it on the DL since it was still two weeks away. I had put my two weeks in with the GM and asked that he also keep it on the DL since Jane and her posse would fuck with me. I told him that I wanted to tell everyone myself so it kept him quiet.

Now the important thing about my new job is that it essentially paid me double my wages from the theatre. All of my friends were stoked for me, I was taking a job that would also have me making more than the managers at the theatre but also a job that put me on a better track in life. That being said with Jane and I butting heads on multiple occasions and her track record of messing with me, she decided to get one last attack on me. She started a rumor that I was just going to call out on all of my shifts the two weeks before my new job started.

With her last act of revenge in motion, the GM approached me and let me know that he wouldn’t be scheduling me the last two weeks. I tried to explain to him that the rumors were bullshit that I needed to work because it would be my only source of income. I told him that Jane started the rumor and I started to tell him all of the other stuff as well. He of course didn’t believe me and told me that Jane wouldn’t do what I was saying she would do. So it was her word vs mine. I contacted my new job who let me know that my start date was firm and that their budget wouldn’t allow me to start until two weeks later as originally planned. Now here I am essentially jobless for two weeks. Now I was upset, but I was also lucky. I was still living with family and didn’t have to pay rent, so I sucked it up and essentially told myself that I would just take a forced two week vacation. But Jane didn’t stop there. She escalated again by having one of her cronies call my new job and tell them that I got fired. I was luckily able to talk down my new boss by letting him know that this wasn’t the case that I put my two weeks in and everything else, but that was the last straw.

I left my last day at the theatre and while it was sad and I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to work out the last two weeks of my job that I had for years, I was focused and determined on revenge. Rule #1 of living a secret life and having a secret Instagram is not add every body and their mother to the page. I had a friend of a friend who also didn’t care for Jane let’s call them Joe. Joe and I had gone to high school together and briefly worked at the theatre together. He and Jane were part of the same group at the theatre until they had a small falling out. Nothing crazy but he wasn’t exactly happy with her. I talked to Joe and we discussed my issues with Jane over some lunch that I bought for him. (Food is the key to all revenge plots.) Once we ate and discussed my problems with Jane I asked for his help. I needed access to her Instagram. Ya know the secret one, showing her hanging out with underage employees, drinking alcohol and smoking weed with them, and also some mushy posts about her 19 year old boyfriend, as well as some moderately racy photos with her 17 year old fling. With very little discussion he gave me full access.

I took screenshots of essentially everything. We are talking 2-3 years worth of illicit and moderately illegal activity. More than enough to get her fired and to raise some questions in her relationship. I took the screenshots and I printed them on the most high quality paper/material that CVS had to offer. I also copied them too a few flash drives for good measure. I purchased two yellow padded envelopes (can never be too safe), and I filled them both with copies of all of the posts as well as a flash drive with additional copies. As well I included a note in each one for the appropriate parties.

One of the envelopes was taped to the back door of the theatre. There was somewhat of a blind spot so pulled into the parking lot from the rear and snuck around the corner mission impossible style to tape the envelope to the back door. On it was the GM’s name, as well in the letter I merely stated that one of their managers had a secret Instagram with a lot of damning evidence of not only favoritism, but also fraternizing with underage employees amongst other wrong doings. In the letter I also requested her immediate termination or the information would be provided to the district manager as well as our corporate office. I made sure to put it somewhere the GM would see on his morning sweep when he opened the theatre. The second folder and letter was delivered to her home by Joe. Joe agreed to this as I knew Jane’s schedule and had a good idea of when she would be gone and he knew where she lived from previous hang outs.

With both folders delivered it was only a matter of time. Before I knew it I was receiving death threats from Jane’s gang. All of them saying that they knew it was me and that Jane was going to come after me, that she never did anything to deserve this. It didn’t matter to me of course, I no longer worked there and would hopefully never have to deal with them again. From what I heard she was taken into the main office of the theatre and the GM let her have it. He ultimately had to fire her because there was very clear proof that she was in direct violation of many of the rules and conditions of her employment. As well her boyfriend with proof in hand kicked her out of his home.

Last I heard she moved farther north and hasn’t held down a solid job since. Her family didn’t want much to do with her once everything came out with her cheating on her boyfriend. Also the part about fooling around with a 17 year old tends not to sit well. In the end I started my new job without fail and moved on from that place. Haven’t see much of anyone from there since.

Tl;dr: Manager makes my life hell, continues to hang out and fool around with underage crew members, lives to regret it. Enjoy losing your job and your boyfriend.

(source) story by (/u/Ike09161995)

[purplesurveys]

1125

survey by nadine07

[..Introductions..]

First Name: Robyn.

Middle Name: I don’t think I’ve shared it on here and I doubt I will.

Last Name: Not providing it either but it starts with a C.

Birthdate: April 21st.

[..First Things First..]

What was the first thing you did after you got up? I rushed to the rooftop so that I could see the sunrise. I also got in the random mood to do a time-lapse of it, but the sun took forrrrrrrr-freaking-ever to come up entirely. I was holding up my phone for like 15 minutes and nothing was happening, so I quit halfway through lol.

What was the name of your first pet? Goldie, because it was a goldfish.

Who was your first big crush? Gabie, I would say.

Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? Chelsea’s 18th birthday dinner was scheduled right after I happened to get my license, and the event took place in a small, quaint little restaurant in Marikina. 

There’s a bit of a funny story here, too – Aaron needed a ride to get there and so I offered to drive him. I picked him up and we were having small talk in the car, and he asked me how long I’ve been driving. I told him that moment was my literal first time driving out and that I just got my license the day before, and he is my first-ever passenger (at that point I’ve never even tried driving solo yet). The horror and immediate distrust on his face was something I will never forget HAHAHA. We got to the place unharmed, but it’s still one of my favorite stories to tell.

Who was your very first friend? It was a kind girl named Kaye back in kindergarten. We were always next to each other in our class lists, so it was inevitable for us to befriend one another. She transferred schools in first grade and I have not seen nor heard from her since.

What was the first thing you ate today? I had another bag of salted egg chips. I’m extremely hooked, lmao.

What was your first job? I work as an associate at a PR agency.

[..Colors..]

Name something red in the room you are in: We have an unopened bottle of wine here on the dining table and there’s still a red ribbon wrapped around it.

Is orange one of your school's team colors? No, neither of my schools had orange as one of its colors.

How many yellow shirts do you own? I can think of 5 tops hanging out in my wardrobe at the moment. Two of them are class shirts from high school; the others were tops I bought when I started getting into mustard yellow.

Name someone you know who drives a green car: I believe Angel, a classmate from high school who also studies in UP, also drives a Mitsubishi Mirage, albeit a lime green one.

Is it a blue sky outside right now? Yes for the most part, but the sun is setting soon so the sky is bound to change into many pretty colors as it usually does at this time of the day.

What is the first thing that pops into your head when I say 'purple'? Barney the dinosaur, and ube.

Are the walls in the room you're in white? Yes, all our walls indoors are white.

Does black make you think of depressing things? Not always, but if used specifically in that context, it definitely helps boosts the mood.

Jewelry: gold or silver? Silverrr, always.

[..Phone Stuff..]

Who is your provider? Nothing you would be familiar with, but I use Globe.

How long have you had your current phone? It’ll be three years this year. It would be nice to upgrade, but I’m also still happy with my current phone so it doesn’t really matter to me.

What did your last text say? The last one that came through that didn’t come from my mobile services provider was from someone in the media. It was his birthday last Friday and I messaged him if he’d like to receive a gift from us, on behalf of one of our clients; he just replied with his confirmation and details.

If you woke up naked next to the last person to call, would it be awkward? Yep and I’d feel like throwing up almost immediately.

Was your last missed call male or female? It was from my mom.

Who is your 10th phone contact? It’s from Jum, who I realize is still listed as Ate Jum on my phone. That’s cute hahaha; I must have gotten her number when we weren’t super close yet. Anyway, she’s been super MIA for like the last two years...basically, ever since she graduated. I believe she has also since moved back to Bicol, so it’s become virtually impossible to see her again. Bums me out and I look forward to the day we somehow end up in the same room once again.

How did you meet them? I met her in my very first journalism major class. I had mixed feelings towards her at first since I found her to be super loud in class, and I initially thought she would only be a one-time classmate and nothing more; but I got to know her more and we even ended up as orgmates, and it turns out she is literally the most hilarious person I know.

Are you related to your 17th phone contact? I have absolutely no clue who it is. I no longer remember what led to it, but Gabie and I swapped the SIM cards in our phones at one point, and for some reason it made me have access to her contacts; the 17th contact on my phone is someone from her list. And since I never hang out in my Contacts app, I’ve never gotten around to deleting those extra numbers I received.

How long have you known your 1st phone contact? Around 6th or 7th grade. I can’t remember the exact grade level she transferred to my school as a new student.

When was the last time you saw them? It’s been at least a year. I remember seeing her on campus very briefly when I was on my way to a certain building for class, while she was walking out of it.

Who is your 4th phone contact? LMAO, again, it’s from her contact list. Said person is one of her older cousins, I believe.

Have you ever kissed that person? No, and that is very weird and uncomfortable to think about.

When was the last time someone drunk dialed/texted/left a voicemail? Andi drunk messaged me a few months ago. November, I think.

[..Friends..]

Who is your #1? No Myspace but I’d say my top best friend is Angela.

How long have you known them? It will be 16 years this year.

Have you ever kissed? Oh my gosh, hell no. It would be like kissing a sister haha. She’s super affectionate and will sometimes kiss my shoulder or cheek, though.

Are you dating this person? No, never did and never desired to.

Do you have nicknames for each other? Not really exclusive to each other, but I call her Anj (and only a few people call her so) and she will occasionally call me Reben or Rolayn, both from past inside jokes.

What is your #2's full name? I am not sharing that, but I refer to them as Andi (you may remember them as Andrew from the past times I’ve mentioned them).

Do they live within 20 minutes of you? If there is zero traffic, I can probably make it to their place within that timeframe, yeah. But realistically, no they don’t.

How did you meet? We initially met in an anti-Marcos protest/rally – I approached they first because they had a wrestling shirt on, heheh – and that’s when I learned we were from the same college. But they rubbed me off the wrong way from our first meeting as they were too extroverted for my liking, and I spent a good chunk of time ignoring him whenever we crossed paths, lmfao. Eventually we were put in the same class at some point, and they even joined my org, and an intensely close friendship started from there.

Could you live with this person? Sure. I think they would never be a boring roommate.

Who is your #3? I’m gonna go with Kate for this one.

Where are they right now? I have no idea. We don’t really catch up with each other’s lives on a regular basis; we have a very chill, low-maintenance friendship.

When is this person's birthday? January 1st.

Has this person ever seen you naked? I don’t think so.

What is your #4's full name? I don’t think I have a 4th-tier best friend haha, but I’m gonna pick Tina.

When did you last see them? Last year, on the last normal day I was able to be on campus. She was set to present one of her projects at a journalism conference that was taking place in campus that day, but I was able to hang out with her for a short time before the event.

Have they ever dated one of your other friends? No. I knew she had a crush on someone from the college, though.

Do you know their favorite movie? I’m not sure about her favorite movie but I do know she loves Adam Sandler. I was never able to figure out if her interest was ironic or genuine but yeah, she enjoys a good number of his works.

[..Randomosity..]

What time is it? 6:20 PM.

Are you supposed to be doing something other than this? I wouldn’t say so. I do have deliverables for work but since it’s the weekend, I’m not thinking about them nor do I have the desire to touch those tasks until Monday.

Do you live on your own or with your parents? I live with my family. Considering my monthly income, it’d be close to impossible to sustain myself in my own place this early in my adult life.

Are you more of a cat or a dog person? Dog, for sure.

Are you allergic to anything? I don’t believe so.

Does your shirt have anything written on it? Yeah, it says “UP Fighting Maroons” styled in a varsity font since that’s the term for our sports team.

Have you ever tie-dyed something? I have, but only back in like Grade 6 when we had to do it for a home ec class. I remember wanting to buy a tie-dye set recently so I could revisit the activity, but I never got around to it.

Who can you always count on to cheer you up? Angela for the most part; but I also don’t want to be too reliant on my friends in this way. Sometimes I simply allow myself to be sad or upset, and sometimes I count on myself to cheer up.

How many places have you been today? I have been nowhere but at home today lol. I’ll be going to BGC tomorrow to have lunch with my godfather and my cousins, though.

Are you a forgiving person? No.

When was the last time you felt let down? Last night when I read the news that the government will be making All Souls’ Day, Christmas Eve, and New Year’s Eve working days this year. I already know I’ll be half-assing my way through those days lmao because whyyyyyyy the fuck would you make people work on family-centric holidays such as those

What is the title of the nearest book to you? There are no books here at the rooftop.

Are you wearing anything that belongs to someone else? Nope.

Can you whistle? Only through my lips. I can’t do the kind of whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth as well.

Do you look more like your mother or your father? My mom.

Are you still in high school? I’m well past that chapter.

Are you the oldest, middle, youngest, or an only child? I’m the eldest.

Has anyone ever told you that you talk in your sleep? No, because I don’t.

How many people have you kissed this year? None.

Is there anyone of the opposite sex you trust fully? Hmm, no one comes to mind.

Are you a night owl or an early bird? More of a night owl.

If you could have an exotic pet, what would it be? No thanks. I’ve never had the desire to have one.

Would you rather go to Brazil for the weekend or Finland for a month? I’d have to go with Finland. I feel like the cultural differences would be a lot more marked, plus the vacation is longer so that is an instant win for me.

[..And Finally..]

Where did you go the last time you drove somewhere? I was driving to the local coffee shop to spend some time with myself, and do a liiiiiiiittle bit of work as well.

Where did you last go out to eat at? Ramen Nagi. I was initially hesitant to show up there and ask for a table for one on a Sunday evening...but it turned out to feel incredibly empowering and freeing. It was definitely awkward at first, but it got a lot easier once I realized literally no one gives a fuck. Or if they did, they didn’t do anything about it and let me mind my own business. That evening was a crucial step in reclaiming my happiness, so I’m glad I made the choice to suck it up and enter the restaurant.

When was the last time you let someone borrow something from you? Last week, when Angela needed our abaca mat as an aesthetic for her grad shoot.

Was your last breakup a bad one? Yes.

What was the last song you listened to? Just checked my Spotify and the current song I have on pause is Descansos by Hayley Williams. 

What was the last movie you watched? Midsommar.

Did your last kiss happen in a public place? Not technically, but it did take place outside of my house so we were outdoors for some neighbors to see.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment? It was Andi, and I already explained how we met earlier in this survey.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i love memes as much as anyone else on this hellsite and the internet in general. but one meme i can’t stand now, as well as a joke used by older comedians about ~kids today!!!! am i right???~ that i can’t stand now, is the one that’s like “all 10 year olds want today is an iphone or an ipad or a macbook for their birthday or christmas! all i got for my 10th birthday/christmas as a kid was a tennis racquet and a tether ball that hit me in the face! kids are so spoilt today! you better get an i-job to i-pay for your spoilt mac-ass!”

because like.... do you not understand that in today’s increasingly over-connected world, ipads and macbooks or other tablets/laptops are pretty much required school equipment now, if your 10yo kid’s primary/elementary etc school has a ~bring your own device~ policy for kids in years 4-6??? like obviously yes, some schools will provide students with laptop/tablet trolleys and stuff.... or also the government might have a program to roll out laptops/tablets to schools (like australia did under rudd and gillard).... that some schools will literally put “parents must get a reliable tablet computer or laptop computer for their child to use for assignments”. when it comes to high school, i imagine that they’ll need their own laptop/tablet the whole way through their time there, if there is no longer any school provided or limited school provided laptops/desktop computers/tablets.

that’s besides the point that laptops etc are even more so required now than ever before, after everyone was forced to do homeschooling because of covid??? so. practically. a kid asking for a macbook/ipad or other tablets/laptops for their birthday or christmas, isn’t such a bad idea for a present??? even if yeah. apple is overrated and overpriced to the max. but suck it up and pay for your child’s future education??? even it means getting a cheaper laptop or tablet for your kid.

all i can say on the above point is that yes. the idea of ~bring your own device~ policies does set many families back- especially those in/from lower income areas/backgrounds or single parent families... considering that a decent tablet will set you back at least $500 and a decent mini laptop is around the same.... but bigger and better laptops are around $1000 on sale (windows) or idek like $1,200 on an apple education pricing deal. like yeah. it’s a demarcation thing and also setting some people up to fail. and again, this has been made increasingly obvious during covid due to different families acces to buying laptops/tablets or other internet connection means. i also understand that these big ticket item purchases of tablets/laptops hits the hip pockets of everyone harder during the pandemic, especially if you’re struggling with debt like mortgage repayments or whatever while being made redundant or are being paid less while working from home.

okay. not to sound like a spoilt brat of a kid, but i got my first laptop, an i-book G4 for my 10th birthday in 2005. then almost 10 years later, i got a macbook for my 18th birthday (and for my HSC/end of high school exams) in 2013. yes, this is the macbook that i promptly fucked up two years later in 2015, by trying to encrypt the hard drive, since i was taking it to uni and it had all my internet passwords remembered on it along with my banking details. the same goes for my other windows laptop... where the hard drive just decided to fry itself like 4 months into me using it, along with the trackpad. and that was a $1,200 ASUS laptop (bought on sale) that i was using for uni. and then finally my little HP stream laptop’s keyboard shorted out halfway through a creative writing class (that was $500 and it only has a 28gb hard drive so it’s very light and good for transport).

but my point is, me having my own laptop (as opposed to using the family computer only) helped me immensely in my studies..... and they were literally fucking essential to me both in business college and uni. but they were also helpful in late high school, considering that 90% of my assignment work was expected to be typed out in microsoft word or powerpoint or excel (for maths and science). or for more creative projects, i was expected to use adobe photoshop and video editing software like imovie or adobe premiere pro (art/computer tech/drama/that weird year 7 subject i did called INTEL) and garageband/sibelius (for music). how on earth was i supposed to keep doing work on adobe photoshop or word etc at home if i didn’t have my own laptop to continue the work???

because as a final point, for me, literally by year 10 in 2011, NOT ONE of my assignments was expected to be handwritten (bar my actual exams or in class tests; also state tests/exams etc; or if it was a poster or visual art). if you dared to turn in something handwritten, the teacher and student interaction would be like the following example:

teacher to a kid whose handed in a handwritten assignment: did you not read the assessment outline? it said WORD PROCESSED WITH WORD! what is this handwritten thing? okay fine. i’ll take it this time. but read the outline next time, timothy!

timothy: *stammers out* s-sorry miss/s-sorry sir *stalks away from the teacher’s desk in embarrassment and shame*

the teacher, probs thinking to themself: weird that a kid thinks they can hand in something handwritten. silly, really.

the above scenario was the same for me in years 11 & 12. also, by year 9/2010, we were using the education management system moodle (and maybe early stage presi for online presentations) for both of our HSIE subjects (history and geography) and i think a couple of other subjects, during most lessons and especially for class work that involved group work/class discussions, via online discussion boards function. my year group was actually was actually one of the test year groups for the early models of moodle. so by the time i was in uni, i was a native to using moodle; so i could skip the “moodle help tutorial” subject portions on it in every class.

hell, for today, i wouldn’t be surprised if foreign language subject faculties in high schools are now using school subscription class accounts or something for duolingo or babbel. and today, kids are learning coding from like year 4 onwards, i think, on apps at school as part of their science & tech studies lesson portion of the day. how on fucking earth are kids meant to keep up with their class work progression on coding apps or whatever, at home, if they don’t have their own laptop/tablet??? ridiculous. how would kids fare today without their own laptop/tablet, if all of their classwork for homeschooling is on like google drive/cloud or whatever other open source drive/open source cloud software their school uses?? or any other apps that their school might use??? obviously we are seeing this play out in real time during the pandemic, world over, where if a child is in a single parent family or if their two parents don’t have adequate enough resources/have been fired or let go from their jobs/juggling working from home and homeschooling; then it’s hurting these kids likelihood of doing well with distance learning.

but yeah. my point is that if your kid is asking you for a laptop or a tablet (regardless of brand) for their birthday or christmas, maybe buy them one?? because you never know. it may be the very thing at the top of their student resource list for the following school year. and also. do you know what stops kids fighting over their access to the family computer/tablet to do their assessments etc??? buying them their own personal laptops or tablets. even if they do cost an arm and a fucking leg. get your heads out of your asses and help your own goddamned kids (or relatives if it’s a nephew/niece etc asking for one) like you’re supposed to.

okay. for phones. i’ll admit i wouldn’t like a 10 year old having their own phone, because of social media being so easy to access on them. but if you don’t allow them to use the app store and don’t allow them to download instagram/facebook et al..... and give them the phone solely for safety reasons, i think that’s fine?

i’ve had a phone since i was 10 years old. also not to sound awfully clichè, but i turned out okay??? i had to have a phone back in year 4/2005 due to safety and also family issues. do you know what my teachers did with it? locked it away in their desk til the end of the day. obvs they had to remind me to take it home sometimes (bc i did leave it behind at school in the desk a few times lmao) but yeah. i was alright. if a kid wants a phone..... maybe make a compromise and get the classic nokia 3310 or something?? like i obvs agree that kids as young as 10 defs don’t need a smartphone like an iphone or a samsung galaxy. but a rock solid and basic nokia 3310 or whatever with no wifi access??? that’s good enough imo.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 247: Todoroki Angst

Previously on BnHA: Ujiko started some kind of procedure on Tomura to make him even more powerful, because that’s what we were all asking for at the end of the last arc, isn’t it? “Horikoshi can you go ahead and make the homicidal nihilist even stronger please and thank you.” Well not to worry, because he’s got our backs! Meanwhile Hawks poked around the villain HQ trying to find out more details about That End Of The World Thing That’s Happening In 4 Months, and came up with squat. But he did successfully pass on his secret message to Endeavor about how “THE CHILDREN ARE OUR ONLY HOPE,” so Endeavor shrugged and was like “fine, HEY CHILDREN, LET’S GO FIGHT CRIME.” Anyways, so I was thinking, do you suppose they all just figured out they’re actually in a shounen manga? Because that would explain a lot.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor gathers the kids together and is all “so tell me about yourselves.” Deku is all “I have two quirks shut up it’s not weird” and says he wants to get better at harnessing his power so that he can use it without it being destructive. Kacchan is all “I’m already strong but I want to become better as a person” and I appreciate how the other characters are able to hold themselves back from exclaiming, “THIS KID’S REDEMPTION ARC... IT’S TOO POWERFUL...!” because I sure the fuck would have if I was there. And then Shouto is all “hey dad, friendly reminder that I’m here because I want to get stronger to reach my own goals, but you’re still a shitty dad and I hate your guts.” Endeavor, to his credit, reacts very appropriately to all three kids (including a resigned “got it” to Shouto, which was in fact the only appropriate response, so props to him for that), and dives right on in to mentoring the shit out of them. He then delivers a challenge -- defeat at least one villain without him beating them to the punch. So that should be fun, and I mean that with complete sincerity. Bring it!

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

oooooh shit we’re starting right on a continuation of the Fuyumi panel from last week. TODOROKI DRAMA ARC INCOMING. THIS IS IT BOYS. THE BIG ONE

omg omg omg

friendly reminder that chapter 242, in which this internship was first announced, came out on September 6. that is six whole weeks that we’ve been waiting for this internship to actually get started for real. I WAS PROMISED CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND UNUSUAL INTERACTIONS AND UNLIKELY BONDS BEING FORMED. and I have been patient, because In Horikoshi We Trust, but is it finally that time now? I just need them to stop hinting at it and finally get to it before I lose my mind okay

so Endeavor is asking Baku and Deku for their character profiles

Deku: “I used to break bones on demand, now I shoot wind from my fists along with the occasional Venom Symbiote”

Bakugou: “I blow shit up and I also have your character development arc, but fast-tracked so that it kicked in before I could fully become a massive prick like you”

meanwhile Shouto just sits there pouting because as we know from the Babysitter’s Club arc (and also from the Sports Festival arc, during which he dragged Deku into a hallway and was all “time to tell you about my tragic past” completely unprompted), he actually has his own character profile on standby ready to go at a moment’s notice, but everyone just keeps it benched all the time. poor Shouto

(ETA: he will not be silenced!!)

so Endeavor is phrasing this in the weirdest way possible, asking them to state “their current ‘assignments’” lol what. at least the second part of this is clearer, with him asking what they want to gain from this internship

okay so Deku says he wants to control his power so that he can “move at max performance.” yes that’s a very good goal for you, World’s Last Hope

lmaoooo

“weren’t you the kid who broke every bone in his arms several times in succession while attempting to KO my youngest child.” way to make an impression Deku

so Deku patiently explains that, yes, but we’re WELL BEYOND the whole bone-breaking stage now and currently at the “trying to master my new SECRET POWER which is still under wraps” stage. get with the times, Endeavor

hahaha here we go. this is so painfully awkward

“yeah so I kind of have a second quirk now. you know. as one does. please ignore how the only other known person to ever have multiple quirks just so happens to be the greatest villain of all time who is currently incarcerated in Tartarus following his last stand during which the number one hero lost all his power. that’s not relevant. anyways so yeah, two quirks, it’s totally normal and not a big deal at all”

what the actual fuck is he going to do once quirks # 3, 4, 5, etc. come along? this is such a disaster it’s not even funny. and by the way, this whole time I’ve been ignoring the elephant in the room that is Katsuki’s face while Deku nearly spills the beans about his so-called secret. but let’s all just acknowledge that it’s amazing and it belongs in a museum

thankfully Endeavor has had more than enough of exercising his brain today after all of that codebreaking, and isn’t even bothering to ask any questions. instead he’s just like, “show me.” probably the right call; easier to just see wth he’s going on about rather than keep listening to this strange and incredibly suspicious explanation

here we go guys time for some BLOOP

that’s because you’re still scared of it! boy if you’re not going to listen to Katsuki then I hope Endeavor can knock some sense into you at least!

you know, Endeav may be scowling so hard his face is gonna get stuck that way, but so far he’s not half bad at this mentoring/coaching thing

really appreciate how he jumps straight into asking pertinent questions about what Deku wants to do with this new quirk, rather than being all “how the fuck do you go from breaking all of your bones to THAT”

so now Deku’s explaining how it works and says he’s been applying the same principles that he uses with Air Force

LMAOOOOO

this right here is the most accurate introduction to Deku that Endeavor could ever have possibly received. THAT’S IT, THAT’S THE CHARACTER

and it also neatly sums up his whole problem with Blackwhip as well, which is just that he’s way overthinking it. no fucking wonder he can’t do anything with it yet! he’s trying to run NASA-level calculations in his head in real time while using it, like wtf. just let loose boi

also can we stop and appreciate how both Bakugou and Shouto are just fucking done. like, Bakugou is one thing, but just look at Todoroki fucking Shouto, Deku’s #1 fan and admirer, being all “wtf I hate Deku now”

LMAO AGAIN

Burnin’ is quickly rising through my favorite character ranks. meanwhile Shouto has gleaned, quite correctly, that those were in fact words coming from Deku’s mouth. what kind of words is a mystery, but at least it’s something

omfg Endeavor can speak Deku

(ETA: one of the things I’m noticing on a reread is how Endeavor is approximately twice the size of the kids. and it’s not like they’re small or anything. but they look like toddlers next to him. he’s only 6′4″ how is he towering over them to this degree.)

I feel like Endeavor’s intelligence levels fluctuate from week to week. or even from panel to panel. enigma

so blah blah blah he’s thinking to himself “his raw power rivals All Might’s” and then -- ! LOOK AT THIS SHIT

SOFT ENDEAVOR ADOPTING DEKU WTAF. holy shit. if anyone says they saw this coming, I’m calling you out as a fucking liar. BUT I’M HERE FOR IT OMG

AND NOW THIS ONE’S TURN!

(ETA: Kacchan is 5′7″. pretty sure Endeavor is actually 8 feet tall.)

lmao Deku’s face. trying to work out what this means and whether it’s good or bad

meanwhile, after the multiple pages of extensive rambling from Deku, Endeavor is about to get an introduction from Bakugou which will likely just consist of “I WANT TO BECOME THE NUMBER ONE” with absolutely no introspection whatsoever. basically the polar opposite of Deku. gotta love it

HERE WE GO

ooh, unexpected! though still brusque. but to be fair, he’s gifted when it comes to saying a lot in few words

(ETA: out of the three, Kacchan definitely took up the least amount of time with his introspection. not bad for a kid who used to think the entire fucking world revolved around him. growth!)

now he’s bitching at Burnin’ for not having anything better to do than stand around heckling them lmao

SHE’S HERE TO PROVIDE COMMENTARY KATSUKI SHHH. in other news, today I learned that Burnin’ is actually me. huh

OH MY GOD KATSUKI IS METAING -- !! [ELBOWS MY WAY INTO THE FRONT ROW] EVERYONE FUCKING SHUT YOUR MOUTHS AND LISTEN!!!!

OH MY GOD

y’all Katsuki really just fessed up and admitted to needing to work on his growth as a person rather than his physical ability. along with a NEW ADORABLE CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK, EXCUSE ME WHILE I ORDER PRINTS OF THIS TO PUT IN MY WALLET

AND HERE WE GO NOW, THE WHOLE “I WANT TO SURPASS THE NUMBER ONE” PART. BUT IT WAS SO MUCH DEEPER THAN I EXPECTED, KATSUKI YOU CONTINUE TO MAKE ME PROUD! LOOK HOW DETERMINED HE IS TO BE A BETTER PERSON

PEOPLE OF THE WORLD, IF YOU’RE NOT ROOTING FOR BAKUGOU KATSUKI THEN WHY ARE YOU EVEN READING THIS MANGA HONESTLY

OMG ENDEAVOR

“this kid...” REMINDS YOU OF SOMEONE, DOESN’T HE! OH MY GOD I NEED TO SIT AND CALM DOWN AND DRINK SOME WATER

anyway so do you love him. YOU BETTER SAY YES!!

LMAO SHOUTO COULDN’T HOLD IT IN ANY LONGER

LET’S HEAR IT THEN, FIVE PEEPEE MAN!!

Endeavor is whipping back around on him all “I THOUGHT YOU CAME HERE TO MASTER YOUR NEW TECHNIQUE” with this look of borderline panic on his face that implies to me that it’s one thing to take on two new kids with no familiar baggage, and quite another to have to deal with his own son’s personal angst which is directly related to his own worst personal shortcomings and sins! but that’s just too bad, Endeavor! also, fuck you!

OH MY GOD TODOROKI SHOUTO HAS THE SOFTEST SADDEST EXPRESSION AND THIS SPEECH IS GOING TO MAKE ME CRY WHAT THE HELL

even Kacchan has gone soft. meanwhile, is somebody cutting onions in here or

(ETA: also, Kacchan really has been promoted to best friend status, hasn’t he? or co-best friend at least. Shouto really does value their time training together, huh. “spending time with these guys.” anyways so this officially is the TodoBakuDeku arc, sorry everyone I don’t make the rules.

also! I really love how Shouto’s character development has been all about him finally figuring out what it is that he wants. one way or the other, Endeavor has been the focus of his life since childhood. everything he did was centered around him, even when it was centered around defying him. it was still always him, and never Shouto. because he’d been raised as his father’s tool, he struggled with feeling like anything he achieved was just giving his father exactly what he wanted. so he never really had the freedom to strive toward his own goals until Deku finally broke him free of that mindset. it wasn’t until he was surrounded by others who shared the same dream he’d once had that he was able to move past the toxic part of that resentment. not to say that it wasn’t justified, because it was! and is, still. but all the same, it was hurting him at least as much as it ever hurt Endeavor, if not much more so. 

so I really like the message his arc sends here, which is that forgiveness is not so much for the benefit of the one who hurt you as it is for yourself. and that’s obviously not the right word for it, by the way -- “forgiveness” -- but it’s just a placeholder for lack of a better one. because obviously as we can see, he hasn’t forgiven him, but what he has done is put that part of his past behind him. for his own sake, for his own peace, which he deserves. anyways guys Shouto is so fucking strong and I love him so damn much. shit.)

“y’all didn’t think I was gonna put the Terrible Trio together with Endeavor and not follow through on it with piles and piles of Todoroki angst,” Horikoshi says, casually filing his nails with one eyebrow raised. “c’mon”

here it comes y’all

ain’t no force on this earth more dramatic than a Todoroki. did he somehow get a wind blowing in from somewhere. aren’t they indoors

loool Endeavor getting DRAGGED LIKE AN UNTIED SHOELACE in front of these kids he just met two seconds ago, oof. “don’t forget dad, just because I’ve mellowed out a bit and accepted that I need to learn how to use my fire side doesn’t mean I don’t still hate your guts because BOY DO I.” oh damn

so your kid is justifiably pissed at you for your decade and a half of abuse, not to mention annoyed that you’re just putting it all behind you now and acting like it never happened. but it’s not like it’d make things any better if he just went back to acting like a jerk with these new kids! so here we all are, with no easy answers for this situation. what’s a 45-year-old man trying to make up for his past sins to do

(ETA: boy I just took a stroll around the ol’ fandom and a lot of people have really strong feelings about this huh. the most common sentiment seems to be “YAASSSS SHOUTO”, which I can 100% get behind. but it seems like a lot of people are also angry that Shouto is in this situation to begin with. specifically, we have the usual faction of people who are upset that Endeavor is getting any kind of redemption arc at all, and would prefer if he remained eminently hatable and shunned and detested for the rest of his days.

and look, I get it. humans are hardwired to want things to be fair. we want karma. kindness should beget kindness, and cruelty should net you the same treatment in return. reap what you sow. and while some crimes occasionally fall into a grey area, it hardly gets more black and white than Endeavor’s case. not only is there the child and spousal abuse, there’s also the incredibly dubious consent issues that arise in the case of an arranged marriage. like, there’s really no question that what he’s done is bad. so to see behavior like that “rewarded” by his becoming the number one hero, and to see people actually admiring him, and to watch him taking steps to turn his life around even as his wife and children struggle to gather the shattered pieces of their own lives -- yeah, that’s gonna trigger something in a lot of people. because it’s not fair. he hurt good people who didn’t deserve it, and all of this makes it seem like he’s getting away with it.

but here’s the thing -- there are different types of penance. there’s punishment, but there is also atonement. and Endeavor is getting his just desserts in some ways -- by being forever denied the chance to reach the goal that he worked his whole life toward, and by finally developing a conscience, the better to fully experience the remorse of knowing the pain he brought about to his family. but what’s arguably more important than that is that he also has the opportunity to try and atone for some of the terrible things he’s done, by doing good in the world now. he is a hero. his job is to help people. every day he is making the world a little better by doing that. and that, to me, is such a fascinating idea: a terrible person doing good things. and it’s something that feels almost counterintuitive, and that’s part of why a lot of people have so much trouble accepting it, I think. but it’s a fact of life, isn’t it? if good people can do bad things, then it stands to reason that the reverse is true as well. 

and I’ll just come right out and say it -- for me, if it comes down to a choice of having someone be punished, or having them be forced to do good things to atone, I’m gonna go with the latter just about every time. because while it may not feel quite as viscerally satisfying, it’s the option that produces the greatest net benefit for the world. without Endeavor, the world would have one less person out there battling evil. and as I suspect we’re going to continue to see in this arc, there are other, subtler ways that he can still do good as well.

so yeah. it’s a tricky thing. but to be honest, the ability to explore this type of complexity is one of the things I respect the most about Horikoshi’s storytelling. he’s not taking the easy way out here. he’s not giving us easy answers one way or the other. no matter what kind of resolution we get to this character arc, it’s not going to be something that will satisfy everyone. but that’s just how it is. anyways, apologies for the rant.)

hmmm Endeavor

yeah you really read that one wrong. anyway I guess it’s your turn to make a speech now

...

classic Endeavor

(ETA: actually truth be told, that was quite eloquent, and pretty much the only thing he could have said in response to all that. it’s not like he can even begin to justify all of his actions, and pretty much anything else that came out of his mouth would have come off like an attempt to dismiss his son’s feelings, or him trying to weasel out of taking responsibility. there is pretty much nothing else he can say here except for “I understand. that’s valid, and I fucked up.” which this is pretty much acknowledging. anyways this whole chapter is basically the sequel/continuation to 192 and I’m loving it omg.)

so he says he’ll watch over the three of them as a hero, and lead them in hero stuff

oh, I wasn’t going to post this panel, but now Endeavor’s saying “those are the three fundamental skills sought after from a hero” so I guess I should, huh

ooh he says that generally heroes will choose to specialize in either rescue or battle, but his policy is to kick ass at all three. well that’s one similarity between him and All Might, at least. if you’re not here to both win and rescue then what are you even doing with your life am I right

damn there really is a reason why this guy is the number one huh

okay, like. not to knock like 99% of the other heroes out there, but is anyone else sitting there thinking “wow, finally someone competent” or is it just me. like, I really do get a sense of “he’s got it all under control” from him which is lacking with pretty much all of the other heroes. no wonder society is on the verge of being in shambles. what we really need is for all heroes to be this capable, and not just All Might or Endeavor or whoever happens to be the current number one

okay, Endeavor is really out here being a genuinely good mentor, I’m speechless

holy shit

-- WHAT, NO! ARE WE ALREADY DONE?? WHY

okay but I do love that, though. it’s a perfect goal for them. difficult, but not impossible at the rate they’re growing. and it also just so happens to be something that they need to be able to do if they really are going to be the shoulders that society is resting all of its hopes upon. and last but not least, it’s something that all three of them will be able to set their minds too gladly. kick this old man’s ass, kids

anyways. ladies and gentlepeople this chapter was only thirteen pages. shortest chapter we’ve had in a minute. but at least it was densely packed! even if Shouto took up like half of it with his Daddy Issues Speech. that’s okay Shouto we always welcome your daddy angst

all in all I am satisfied. character development, and finally a clear goal for the arc. though part of me would also love it if they manage to achieve this in like the very next chapter. you never know with these wunderkinds lol

[contagious-addiction]

For the DnD ask meme: Vias 34, Sadija 41 (she's hot), Julius 29 (HE'S HOT), and Elias 33

Ooo Anon you have Very Good taste. Let’s go down the number line shall we? 

#29- JULIUS

Who would they save? Who would they be saved by?

Julius is the type that would, for all intents and purposes: can and will go out of his way to save people he sympathizes with. Which is a fairly large pool of people - though he mostly sympathizes with low income families or people who’ve had equally as shitty lives as him. He absolutely HATES abuses of power - especially over people who have very little control over fighting back against tyrants. As for who would save him... That’s a complicated question to answer since he’d insist he’s already been saved. The trauma he endured for the younger years of his life weighs heavily on him still. In general though, someone who’s patient and willing to let him open up to them at his own pace... Are good for him and might help him truly heal from his past.

#33- ELIAS

What makes them cry?

Oooof... Hm. Well, mostly the idea of his bronze dragon wyrmling Rosana  Starling getting hurt or dying. He’s part of a group who’s job right now is to revive the long dead race of dragons (it’s a homebrew game but takes place in the Forgotten Realms setting, where giants have wiped out all dragons in the world)

He loves his mother dearly since she’s who he aspires to be some day, but the idea of his little girl dying so young terrifies him. It would most definitely make him cry.

#34- VIAS

Which party member do they go to in a crisis?

Oh gosh what a question! Well, there’s quite a collection of people Vias trusts for this now but the answer is an unlikely one since they actually didn’t get along for at least 14 sessions (4 of which we have recorded since i started recording our tal’dorei sessions around session 10 so we can take notes easier)

But his answer would be Susanna Crow - our resident ginger human Gunslinger of the party of 8! She was actually really awful to Vias for days in game and was absolutely insufferable and rude to him... But after the group experienced a strange bout with an extradimensional space and some weird shit, they kind of gained respect for each other and called a truce. After that, they had some trauma bonding in a strange time-temple thing and... The rest is history.

They’re not “uwu soft” friends, but the type to banter and throw quips and just eat that shit up about each other and Vias trusts her to tell him straight if he’s overreacting or in general, give him a vibe check. She’s not the most stable person to bounce his ideas off of since she can be pretty snarky at times, but she reminds him of his younger sister and she brings him peace of mind.

My other answer for this is Diona - our pugilist genasi Diona. She’s only 19, but she’s kind of become the party rock. She’s level headed and provides a really soothing and rational sort of feedback which is well loved to Vias. He cares about her deeply and trusts her if he needs help with legit anything.

#41- SADIJA

What are they attracted to in other people?

Oh i’m SO glad you chose to ask this Anon. I have Ideas.

Sadija is demisexual. but homoromantic. So she’s mostly interested in romantic female partners but can and has slept with people she feels comfortable with and knows. 

However she has... A very strange set of factors that cause her to be attracted to her romantic/sexual partners.

First, they need to be more powerful that her. If they’re able to hoist her up over their shoulders without issue... That’s attractive as fuck. If they’re someone powerful magic wise... That’s attractive as fuck. (she had a century where she was inlove with Titania, queen of the fairies. she’s powerful as fuck and pretty so obviously she fell for her - sadija was also the warlock of her for that grip of time, but she dropped that because of Family Drama because Titania ended up actually being her great great grandmother which Really fucked Sadiija up to find out since Titania had lied to her and... Yeah)

In general though, she very much needs to know they’re worthy otherwise she just thinks it’s boring and she doesn’t feel any spark at all XD

Second, she really does like someone who’s got a good soul. Just, someone willing to do good just for the sake that it’s the right thing to do and doesn’t expect anything in return. A little banter maybe, some playfulness, willing to match her and be delighted with her... In general, Sadija just wants a partner to spend her very very long life with as a fey mutt (her father is a were-lynx woodelf and her mom’s a nymph so her bloodline is pretty Fucked)

She already has a pretty obvious crush on one of her party members (she’s strong, human, a warlock of a god of justice, and is fucking Hot) but she doesn’t wanna make a move on her since she isn’t quite sure if Charlie’s reciprocated her flirting yet. It’s very much the lesbian panic of “oh man i can’t tell if she’s just really friendly or if she’s flirting” when it’s obviously flirting... V.V

She’d go to hell and back and to heaven too, if it meant being with the person she loves. And she wants that loyalty too some day, if she’s lucky enough to get it :,3

[thetravelerwrites]

Ironblood Interspecies Daycare

Rating: Teen Relationship: Male Orc x Female Human Additional Tags: Exophilia, Orc boyfriend, Daycare, POV First Person, First Person Perspective, Male Reader Content Warnings: Kids, Children, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Disowned Words: 5035

An orc running a daycare takes on a new employee and feels an immediate attraction to her, having to struggle with his own feelings of inadequacy to get close to her. Commission for @ban23​. 

The Traveler's Masterlist

You might think that running a daycare would be a weird job for an orc, but orcs are a clan-oriented people. Caring for and watching over the young is sort of ingrained in our nature. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.

Of course, since my daycare is open to all species, we have quite a few kids. There are a lot of human-only care centers, orc-only, fae-only, and so on. They’re usually pricey and exclusive, so an interspecies daycare that takes lower income families was a boon to the community.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t take all the kids whose parents applied, which made me feel terrible. According to the law, there had to be one care worker per five children, and I only had four employees plus myself. I was hoping to expand, but I was having trouble finding more caregivers.

It wasn’t for a lack of wanting to pay more people, it was more a lack of experience. I didn’t hire weekend babysitters; I only hired people with professional experience in child care, whether it’s a degree or a teaching position or several years of homecare, like a nanny or au pair, accompanied with references that were nothing short of glowing. Just because these children came from poor families was no reason to think they deserved anything less than the best.

Thankfully, there was a new applicant with a degree in child psychology with a special focus on interspecies relations, and spent four years as a school counselor. She was also a registered nurse. She sounded perfect, and if hiring her meant we could take more kids, then that was all the better.

I had scheduled her interview after close of the business day, when all the kids had gone home. I always tried to be in the back when the parents arrived; some of the moms were… handsy.

After closing, the five of us gathered in the back area for coffee and so the others could grab their personal belongings to go home.

“Ms. Jones keeps asking if you’re single,” Jacob said as he grabbed his things from his personal cubby.

“Mrs. Peterson, too,” Said Emily, wrapping a scarf around her neck. “I swear she’s gonna start camping out near the front door to ambush you when you leave.”

“Please, Karen from the grocery store has been leaving notes with her weekly fees. I keep giving them to Jukah and he keeps throwing them away.”

“They’re wildly inappropriate and very graphic,” I said, sipping coffee and looking over invoices.

“Really? Oh, damn,” Jacob said. “If that’s the case, I’m going to keep them from now on, then. I’m not above living vicariously.”

“Why don’t you ask one of them out, Jukah? They’re clearly into you, and there’s no shortage of options,” Emily asked, putting on her coat. She was the only other person besides me who worked here that wasn’t human. She was a bright blue kobold with dark spikes along her jaw and two sets of horns. Her tail was smooth, however, and dragged the ground when she walked. She often let the smaller children ride on it to make them laugh.

“They’re too pushy,” I replied dismissively.

“I thought orcs liked pushy women,” She said.

“That’s a gross stereotype and you’re wrong for saying it,” You said playfully. “Different orcs have different tastes, just like everyone. I don’t push you toward every buff bodybuilder I see, do I?”

“Gross,” Emily said, her face scrunched up.

“See? Because I know you like skinny weirdos,” I told her, laughing.

She laughed too. “You’re right. I can’t even lie about it.”

“So what kind of woman do you like?” Esther asked me. She was the grandma of my employees, having been a pediatric nurse for decades and started working at the daycare because she refused to retire.

“Why are you people so interested in my love life all of a sudden?” I protested.

“Because it’s weird that all these women are literally throwing themselves at you and you’re not interested in even trying with one of them,” Kody said. Kody was non-binary and was a big help in teaching the kids to be respectful to each other.

“I keep my work life and my personal life separate,” I said simply. “End of story.”

To be honest, I really didn’t know why these women found me so appealing. By orc standards, I was considered extremely ugly. I’m about a foot and a half too short for an orc, and even though all orcs are born with a natural muscle tone, I was way too skinny. My tusks are too small, though that’s actually fine for my line of work. I even file down and cap them, just to be sure I don’t accidentally gore a kid when I pick them up. I don’t wear my hair long the way other orcs do, in braids or plaits; I keep it short so the kids can’t pull on it. I even catch flack because of my eye color, a flat turquoise, which is exceedingly rare among orcs.

It wasn’t just my looks that made me unusual among my people. I’d grown up in a typical stronghold, but I’m quiet, introverted, and self-conscious. I’ve never felt the same sort of personal pride that other orcs feel in being an orc. I don’t hunt or fight or spend my time in other typical orcish pursuits. Timidness and a lack hubris are seen as personality defects for my people. In the eyes of other orcs, I might as well be human, and that’s in no way a compliment.

My only redeeming features were my skin, which was the deep, dark forest green found most attractive among my kind, and my natural ability and instinct to care for and teach the young, which is a high priority in orcish culture. That’s probably the only reason I wasn’t thrown out before I came of age. When I was old enough, however, I left the stronghold with no intent to return, and I’ve never regretted that decision.

So, these womens’ attention, especially the more aggressive ones, is baffling to me. I’m nothing special, in fact, I’m downright substandard, so this new-found attention was jarring.

“Just think about it, man,” Emily said. “You’re a nice guy. It’s a shame for you to be alone.”

“Guys, seriously, stop worrying about me. I don’t need to have a girlfriend to be happy. Now git,” I said, waving my hands. “I have an interview to conduct in thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kody said. “Whatever you say, Boss.”

I shooed them out and started cleaning up the play area. I enjoyed the time alone in the daycare after work. It gave me time to think about ways of improving the atmosphere for the kids. It was always good to have new things for them to do or they’d get bored and tear the place apart.

I heard the front door open as I was stacking tiny chairs and a voice say, “Hi. Are you Jukah Ironblood?”

“Yes, I am. Can I help you?” I called over my shoulder without turning.

“I’m Briauna Ramos, I’m here for the interview.”

“Oh!” I said more animatedly. “Of course, come in, I’ll be right with you, let me just finish up here.”

“No hurry,” She said pleasantly, closing the door.

I picked up the last of the chairs, stacked them, and turned. And stopped in my tracks.

The woman standing patiently at the door with a expectant smile on her face was petite with thick thighs and a cute little belly, wearing a flowing yellow top with black jean leggings that did nothing to hide these features. Her skin was a deep brown and her amber-colored eyes were wide, framed in long, black lashes. Her hair was silky, wavy, a little fluffy, and fell to her shoulders. She wore a small barrette in the shape of a bee to keep it out of her eyes.

She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen in my entire goddamn life.

“Something wrong?” She asked, her eyebrows drawing together in concern.

I realized I’d been standing with my mouth open for about a solid minute and shut it so quickly that my teeth clicked.

“No, sorry, um… please,” I said, gesturing at the door to my office. Once there, I sat at my desk and motioned for her to take the chair on the opposite side. She lay her coat over the back and sat down, pressing her her cold fingers together and putting them between her thighs to warm them. I tried my best not to stare at her thighs. I wanted to put my own hands between them and feel how warm…

I mentally slapped myself back into reality. Stop it.

Her application was on the desk in front of me, and I riffled through the papers for a moment to collect my thoughts.

“You come highly recommended,” I said, attempting to keep my voice even. “Your references and credentials are incredible.”

“Thanks,” She said. “I’ve wanted to work in childcare my whole life. Working at the school was okay, but I actually didn’t have all that much to do. Most kids who need a counseling are already in therapy, and there wasn’t much need for a nurse most of the time, so I spent hours in my office with nothing to do. I want to work more directly with children. This daycare seems like a perfect place, especially since it caters to lower income families. They deserve the same degree of care as private facilities.”

I felt myself smile. “I completely agree. That’s why I only hire the best. And you’re pretty close to perfect for this job.”

She smiled with her whole face, and I found it hard to breathe. “Thanks. I’ve applied at a few places, but I like this place the most. The facility is large and clean, and the list of activities for the kids is diverse and stimulating. You seem like you really care about kids.”

“I do,” I said. “Providing a safe environment for them is my first priority.” I looked through her papers again. “We have a former nurse on our staff, but she’s no longer practicing, so your nursing status is great. We get all kinds of bumps and scrapes here.”

“I can imagine,” She laughed.

“Well,” I said with a tired sigh. “I’m satisfied with your experience and I think you’d be a good fit here. When would you like to start?”

“Well, I just moved to the area, and I’m getting my apartment unpacked. How about Monday?”

I nodded. “Sounds good to me.” I stood and held out my hand for a handshake. “Welcome to the team.”

She took my hand, shaking firmly, and it was like an electric shock passed from her into me, making my whole body tingle. I gulped and tried to keep my professional demeanor in place.

“Great, I can’t wait to start,” She said enthusiastically as she pulled her hand away and threw her purse over her shoulder. “I’ll see you Monday, Mr. Ironblood.”

“Oh, just Jukah, please. Formality goes out the window pretty quick in this place,” I said, laughing.

She laughed with me. I could listen to that laugh all day.

“Thanks again,” She said, and left. Despite my best efforts, I couldn’t help sneaking a peek at her ample rear as she walked away. I said down heavily at my desk and tried to calm myself.

Well, shit. So much for keeping my personal and professional lives separate.

She arrived early on Monday morning, before the others got in, and you had a few minutes to show her around.

“This is your personal cubby,” I told her, showing her a cubby on the lower shelf. “You can keep your phone with you in the common area, but try to use it as little as possible. If you have to take a phone call, either come back here or go outside.”

“Gotcha,” She said. She was wearing a powder blue sundress and darker blue leggings with her hair in a tight, fluffy ponytail two tendrils of hair hanging on either side of her face. She looked adorable.

The others wandered in shortly after the two of us put our things away and I introduced all of them. They greeted her politely and engaged her in light conversation, asking where she was from and how she was liking town so far, as they started on the coffee and pastries I brought in for them every day.

I had about fifteen minutes before the daycare opened, so I went to the waitlist to notify the families at the top that I could take them. A couple of people had already found accommodations, but the ones who hadn’t were overjoyed, two of them even asking if they could fill out the intake paperwork that day.

A paper plate with a pastry and a cup of coffee was placed in front of me. I looked up, and Briauna winked and smiled at me before returning to the back room.

Oh, god. This was bad. Love at first sight doesn’t exist, I told myself. She’s pretty and sweet, sure, but this is just an infatuation. Don’t even think about it. Didn’t you just tell your team that you didn’t need a girlfriend to be happy? Besides, dating a co-worker is always a bad idea. She probably wouldn’t be into you, anyway. Just get a grip and let it go.

The children began arriving, and I was out front to greet them, dodging the over-eager mothers as best I could. Kody, Emily, Jacob, Esther, and Briauna came out of the back when they heard the children’s voices. They quickly fell into their roles, including Briauna, helping the kids take off their jackets and instructing them to put their shoes and lunches in their cubbies.

I’d say only a third of the kids were human. The rest were a mix of orcs, fae, beast creatures, and even a little half-demon girl. Most of the children were between the ages of two and five, though we did have a couple that were under two years old, and they were mostly Esther’s responsibility. She was the best at handling the babies.

“Okay, little ones, sit in the circle and play the quiet game for a minute,” I said to the group, and they scrambled to find a spot in the big, red sitting circle in the middle of the room. “We’ve got a brand new friend who’s going to be helping us out from now on. Her name is Briauna.”

Briauna waved at them and said, “Nice to meet you!”

“I want you guys to be nice to her,” I continued, “And stay on your very best behavior, okay?”

“Yes, Kah-Kah,” said the chorus of little voices.

“Kah-Kah?” Briauna asked in an undertone. “That must go over well with the Spanish-speaking parents.”

I grinned. “We’ve all got nicknames. Emily is Emmy, Jacob is Jay-Jay, Esther is Essa, and Kody… well, Kody doesn’t have a nickname, but theirs is easy to pronounce, even for the littler ones. Just wait, I’m sure you’ll have your own by the end of the day.”

Sure enough, the children had started calling Briauna Na-Na by lunchtime.

“Told you,” I said as we began laying them down for their afternoon naps. She grinned at me with the tip of her tongue between her teeth. I felt like slapping myself after wondering what that tongue might feel like on mine.

Naptime was when we took lunch. One of us was assigned to sit with the kids as they slept so that the others could eat, and there was a rotating schedule. Today was Kody’s day. I made a note to add Briauna to the schedule later.

“So, how was your first day?” I asked her over my club sandwich.

“Amazing,” She said. “It’s exactly what I was hoping for.”

“Yeah, the kids are great,” Emily said. “They almost make the pay worth it.” She grinned and stuck her forked tongue out of me. I reached out and whacked her spiny shoulder lightly.

“I wish I could pay all of you more,” I said a little regretfully. “We’re applying for low income care grant for businesses that involve children, and when the grant comes through, I’m hoping I can give you all bonuses.”

“Bonuses,” Jacob, Emily, and Esther all said in unison, like zombies.

Briauna shook her head and laughed softly. “Honestly, I don’t care about the money. Today was probably the best day of my professional career. If I didn’t need to eat, I’d do it for free. It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted. Kids deserve a good start, no matter who or what they are, or where they come from. I’m so happy to help do that for them.”

I stared at her in an awed silence, feeling as if my heart had taken up all the space in my chest, leaving no room for my lungs. There was no point in lying to myself anymore: I was head over heels in love with this woman.

I forced myself to look away from her, and ended up glancing at my other three co-workers, who had sudden knowing smirks on their faces. I scowled at them and lowered my eyes, eating to occupy my mouth so I wouldn’t have to answer questions.

Walking home that evening, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I knew myself well enough to know I’d never have the courage to just ask her out. I’ve never been that confident. All of my exes had asked me out, not the other way around. I thought about having someone ask her out for me, but I shook the thought out of my head with a grimace. This wasn’t high school. I was a goddamn adult and running my own business. I should be able to ask her out without a buffer.

Thinking that was easy, doing it was another thing entirely.

As I passed a novelty store, I stopped and looked in the window. There was a very tiny stuffed deer sitting in a little gift bag with chocolates cookies.

I stood there, staring at the stuffed deer. In the old days, orcs wanting to charm a mate would go through a courting ritual which usually involved hunting large game, like bears and deer and the like. I definitely wasn’t the hunting type, but… the point was to show your adoration through gifts, to show what you can provide for your mate. I certainly didn’t intend to leave dead animal on her doorstep, but I did want to offer her affection and companionship.

I ducked into the novelty store and bought the gift bag without really thinking about it. And now that I had it, I had no idea how to present it to her. I couldn’t just give it to her during work in front of the others; I was too self-conscious. I hadn’t seen her anywhere outside of work, so I couldn’t “accidentally” bump into her someplace else. I wasn’t going to show up at her house unannounced like a goddamn creep. I sighed, hoping I’d figure it out.

The next day, I was sure to get in before everyone else and hide the gift in my desk. As it happened, that day was my day to sit with the children during naptime. After the kids were sleeping and everyone went into the back room for lunch, I snuck quietly into my office, retrieved the gift, and slipped it into one of Briauna’s coat pockets.

After naptime, Briauna took out a book she’d brought from her own home and had all the little ones sitting in a semi-circle around her. She was naturally gifted at holding their attention. Well, not just theirs. I couldn’t stop staring at her.

I had put a high precedent on early education, so lessons on shapes, colors, numbers, and letters were a weekly thing. Not enough that it overloaded their still developing brains, but just enough to keep them engaged and help them retain the knowledge. We often did a flash card game with a points system, and the winner got a reward from the toy chest.

“You’re going to scare the kids if you keep making faces at Briauna like that,” Kody told me as they looked over the children’s worksheets.

I scoffed. “What are you talking about?”

Kody gave me a deadpan look. “Come on, man. I’m not blind. You’ve been staring at her all day. Hell, you practically drool. You’re really going to act like you’re not attracted to her?”

“Just drop it.”

Kody raised their hands in surrender, their eyebrows shooting up to their hairline. “Fine, fine.” They shook their head at you. “You’re a hot mess, you know that?”

“I’m more than aware, thank you,” I told them. Again, they shook their head and wandered off to set out the art supplies for creative time.

They rest of the day passed without incident. Briauna pulled on her coat without checking her pockets. I watched her with my heart in my throat as she left with the others. Kody shot me a meaningful look before following her out of the door.

The next morning, she came in with the giftbag in her hand.

“Who left this in my coat?” She asked.

“That was in your coat?” Emily said. “There’s no note or anything?”

“No, I found it in my pocket when I got home,” She said. “I thought maybe one of the kids put it in there, but the price tag on the bottom said it was, like, twenty bucks, and I don’t think toddlers keep that kind of cash on them.”

I winced internally. I’ll have to remember to take the tag off next time. I’d never done this before, so some mistakes were bound to happen. I’d have to be more careful in the future.

“So, which one of you gave me this? Jacob?”

Jacob snorted. “Girl, you cute and all, but I’m gay as the day is long. It was one of them,” He said, gesturing at the rest of us.

“Not me,” Kody, Esther, and Emily said in unison.

“What about you, Boss?” Emily asked.

I tried my best to look affronted. “Please, I spend enough money on coffee and donuts for you losers every day.”

“So, none of you are going to own up to this?” Briauna said. “Really?”

“Hell, maybe it was one of the kids, you don’t know,” Emily said.

Briauna rolled her eyes. “You guys are impossible.”

“You like it,” Kody said, grinning.

Two days later, a teddy bear and some caramels found their way into her pockets. A week after that, there was a stuffed tiger and gourmet hard candies.

On her day to sit with the kids at naptime, I brought her a coffee, and she whispered, “Who do you think is leaving me the presents?”

“Dunno,” I said. “Could be any of them, really. Well, except Jacob.”

“Not you, though,” She asked shrewdly.

“I’m your boss,” I said. “Wouldn’t that be inappropriate?”

“I guess,” She said, shrugging. “But I thought you said formalities went out the window here.”

I gulped my heart down. Thankfully for my slowly crumbling facade of professionalism, the soft bell that alerted the end of naptime went off, and it was time to get the kids up for afternoon playtime outside.

That evening, while I was alone in my office, I was going through this months invoices while also looking at edible fruit and chocolate arrangements on my phone, when I saw my office door open. Kody stood there, leaning on the doorframe with their arms crossed.

Putting my phone face down and fixing a neutral expression on my face, I said, “What’s up?”

“Dude, do you really think I don’t know what you’re doing?” They said.

“I’m filing invoices,” I said.

“Come on, man, you know what I’m talking about. I know you’re the one leaving Briauna the gifts. Esther’s married, I’m asexual, and Briauna’s not Emily’s type. It has to be you. You’re not that slick.”

I sighed. I knew they’d caught me. “Are you going to tell Briauna?”

“No,” They said. “You are.”

“I can’t,” I said, scrubbing my face with my hands.

“And why not?”

“A lot of reasons,” I replied, reclining in my chair.

“Name one,” They said.

“I’m… weird.”

Kody laughed. “We’re all weird, Jukah.”

“It’s...” You sighed. “I doubt she’d even be into me. I’ve got… a lot of baggage, and not everyone is strong enough or willing to carry it with me. Trust me, I know. Every girlfriend I’ve had has seemed to buckle under the weight.”

“So you’re saying she’s not enough for you?”

“No!” I retorted, sitting up. “I’m saying I’m not enough for her. This place,” I gestured at the walls. “It’s all I’ve got. I’ve got no family, no friends besides my co-workers, no life outside of my work. Hell, I don’t even have my health. I’m a shit excuse for an orc. I mean, I’m too damn shy to ask a girl out. What does that tell you?”

“Maybe she likes shy guys,” Kody argued.

“Orcs aren’t supposed to be shy,” I said with a scowl.

Kody sighed in frustration. “Why are you so obsessed with what orcs are ‘supposed’ to be like?”

“You don’t understand, Kody,” I said with a return sigh. “I grew up in a stronghold, a traditional one. The pressure they put upon us to be the best orc possible was suffocating. I wasn’t the only one who who had to deal with it, but I was the only one who couldn’t live up to the expectation, the only one who didn’t grow up into the orc I should have been, and that has severe repercussions in orc communities. I was my stronghold’s biggest shame. None of my family speaks to me. My clan won’t even acknowledge my existence anymore; I’ve literally been erased from the book of clan lineages.”

“Dude… I do get it,” Kody said. “When I told my family that I was non-binary, asexual, wasn’t planning on having kids, wasn’t a Christian, and had no intention of taking over their business, they fucking lost it. I was their only kid and they had placed all their expectations for the future on me without asking me how I felt about it. They kicked me out, cut off my tuition, wrote me out of their will, refused to see me or take my calls. I went from working on a degree in medicine to living on a park bench. You were the one who gave me a chance. You gave all of us a chance.” They came in and laid a hand on my shoulder. “I don’t really give a shit what other orcs think of you, and you shouldn’t either. You’re worth so much more than they’d want you to believe.”

“Thanks, Kody,” I said. “It’s hard to undo an entire lifetime of being told you’re not enough.”

“I know,” They replied. “But do you really think Briauna is the kind of person who would think that? And if you do, why would you want to be with someone who does?”

“I don’t think she’s like that,” I said. “That’s one of the reasons I like her.”

“Then ask her out.”

I sighed sharply and ducked my head. “What if she says no and things are awkward, and she decides it’s too weird to work here? I’d have to kick out all the new kids we just took in,” I shook my head, resolved “I can’t do that. The kids come first.”

Kody groaned and rolled their eyes. “God, you are insufferable!” They walked to the door and leaned out. “Would you please come in here and put him out of my misery?”

To my complete shock and horror, Briauna walked in with a sheepish smile on her face.

I stared at Kody in disbelief. “Wow… you are… just… so fired.”

“Please, you need me,” They said, backing out of the room. “I’m basically your conscience.”

“You are the exact opposite of that thing.”

They laughed as they made to exit the building. “You kids have fun.”

Briauna stood there with one of the stuffed animals in her hands. “So it was you, then?”

I stood up and raked my hands through my hair. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? It was sweet. A little creepy, but mostly sweet.”

I snorted. “I wasn’t trying to be creepy. I just wanted to get your attention.”

“Well, it worked.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a little stuffed bunny, something I hadn’t given her, and held it out to me. “Would this be enough to get your attention?”

I laughed and took it. “Yeah. And… maybe… dinner when you’re free?”

“I’m free now,” She said. “And there’s a curry place I’ve been dying to try since I moved here, but I’ve never had the chance to go.”

“That sounds perfect,” I said, grabbing my coat.

“Kody’s right, you know,” She said as I opened the door for her, stepping out into the chilly winter evening. “You shouldn’t care what people think about you. Well, except for me.”

“And what do you think about me?” I asked her.

She put her arm around my waist. “I think you’re really cute. I did the day we met. I was hoping the gift giver was you. And I think shy guys are adorable.” She lay her head on my chest. She was a short little thing. “I’m also hoping you won’t be too shy to kiss me goodnight.

I put my arm around her shoulder in return and lifted her face with my other hand. I kissed her softly and she pressed into it, parting her lips as if asking for more. My tongue reach out to toy with hers, and she moaned into my mouth. I pulled away, licking my lips.

“Dinner first,” I said, smiling.

She snorted. “You might regret that. It is curry.”

“I’ll take my chances,” I said, leading her down the street.

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider buying me a Kofi, becoming a Patron, or donating directly to my PayPal!

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

[theritualofourexistence]

#CancelStudentDebt

You. Guys.

Background: Bernie Sanders and Ilhan Omar have called, on Twitter, for users to briefly state how their lives would be different without student debt, using the hashtag #CancelStudentDebt. It’s part of a campaign recently launched by Sanders that would instantly eliminate the $1.6 trillion dollars of student debt currently hefted by American citizens.

Even with that plan, I’m still not sure I’m voting for Bernie.

And if he somehow wins, I still don’t actually believe he’d be able to just poof away my student loan debt. 

For the sake of the “what-if,” however, I chose to tweet along with the hashtag... just a simple statement about how my life would be different if I didn’t have student loan debt. 

This is the exact text of my tweet:

“With no student debt, I’d be planning a future that included children, supporting my parents, and pursuing my dream job. #CancelStudentDebt”

I went on to say in a few follow-up tweets that I’m still pursuing my dream job... just much more slowly than I could without the debt I already have. I briefly explained what that dream job is (having my own practice and providing therapeutic services to those incarcerated or recently released) and that I have three jobs now that I’m using to work in that direction... but that I still feel the pressure of my loans every day, every time I choose to spend money on anything.

That tweet seems pretty harmless to me. Despite that, it has launched quite a shit storm. One that I was definitely not expecting.

First, I am a nobody. I have very few followers on Twitter. I basically use it to follow sports, a handful of celebrities, and whine to no one about the stuff I struggle with daily. 

The good: this tweet now has 200 likes. WHAT?! I think the most likes I’ve gotten on a tweet before capped out at like 25, at the MOST. It also has nearly 30 retweets. So folks relate. I approve.

The shit storm: over 60 mostly middle-aged white dude trolls were sitting on that hashtag, waiting for a simple little tweet like mine to come along so they could jump on it and rip it to shreds. 

In the last eight hours I’ve been called stupid and lazy more times than I can count. I’ve been told over and over again that I shouldn’t have taken out loans if I didn’t want to pay them back, that I should have picked a different major in college, that I shouldn’t have gone to college, that I should have gone to a cheaper school. I’ve been called a socialist (yeah, okay, not denying that), I’ve been called evil. As of 5pm, I’ve been called a cunt... by strangers... at least three times.

I never intended to start an argument about the benefits and or downfalls of eliminating student loan debt. 

I was simply saying that, without it, my life would be different. And easier.

I was raised to chase my dreams. I think a lot of people in my generation were. But our parents, likely the same dudes shit-posting on Twitter today, were well-meaning when they told us to dream big and to have the courage to chase those dreams. I don’t think they could predict the world we would inherit... and just how hard it would be to actually pursue those dreams.

I don’t think my dreams are outlandish. I don’t think they’re irrational. And trust me, I know what irrational looks like. 

Do I think my student loan debt will magically disappear? No, I don’t. Would it be nice? Yeah. It would. Would things be different and easier? Yes, definitely.

I can’t go back and pick a cheaper college. I can’t go back and pick a different major. I can’t go back and decide not to switch fields. I can’t go back and un-sign the loan papers I signed when I was 18 years old.

I was 18 years old. Maybe. I honestly could’ve been 17 because I’m a summer baby. And I have absolutely no memory of signing loan papers. I knew enough to know I’d have to pay them back. But I also knew that getting loans was the only way to pay for the program at the college that I thought would be best for me.

Turns out, 18-year-olds don’t know shit.

Maybe we shouldn’t let 18-year-olds make decisions about thousands of dollars.

Anyway, here I am now, unable to undo any of the decisions that saddled me with my current student loan debt. 

Today I was called stupid, lazy, evil, and a cunt, just for having a dream.

What a weird thing.

Some suggested I join the military. Maybe I could make that work... but let’s be honest, the military isn’t a nice place to be for pacifists. Also, enlisting when we’re on the brink of war with Iran just seems, objectively, stupid.

What do people get out of insulting strangers on the internet? None of the people who responded know anything about my life. Many of them told me to get a job and work to pay off my loans. Well, I’ve got a job and I am working and that’s not really enough. Many of them accused me of seeking handouts. Of never working for anything and expecting to be carried through life.

Those people don’t know how hard I’ve worked. But that didn’t stop them from calling me names.

I often forget that not everyone understands empathy the same way I do. It’s why I feel the way I do about a lot of socio-political issues. If you told me that my taxes would go up ever so slightly but that I’d be able to help millions of Americans achieve financial stability, I’d say sure. 

I don’t understand why people with a comfortable life--a home, a family, a steady income--feel so mad about other people wanting a chance to have those things too. 

All I want, really, is to be comfortable enough to feel like I can give back. To repay my parents for their constant support, to donate to causes fighting the good fight, to provide affordable therapeutic services to people in need with limited access.

Today, right now, I’m pretty sure I will die childless and still with debt. That’s the reality that I face every day. I work hard, despite that. And I dream, despite that. But the idea that maybe that isn’t my future is certainly nice... no matter how immediately unrealistic it may be. 

What did all those angry white people get from telling me to quit bitching and get a job and deal with the consequences of my actions? What good does that do? Who does that help? 

What good does it do to tell a fat, poor, anxiety-ridden 28-year-old that her dreams are stupid and unattainable and that she’s a lazy idiot for having them? 

What synapses are firing in your brain to make you think that that action has any kind of value? 

Remember, folks, that even if you’re looking at a computer and not a face, that screen-name is connected to a real ass person. I may have silly dreams but at least I am committed to not treating other people like garbage. I don’t have any interest in hurting anyone’s feelings, and I’m adult enough to choose my actions accordingly. 

Today, I sent a simple tweet out into the universe, and, in return, strangers called me names for hours. HOURS. It’s literally still happening.

Who does that serve? Calling me an idiot isn’t going to change the reality that forgiving student loan debt would change my life. That’s not an opinion that can be corrected, it’s simply the truth. 

So, regardless of who is elected and what happens with student debt... Regardless of whether or not I pay off my loans some day... Regardless of whether or not I die childless with debt still left to pay... think about how you interact with others. 

Hurting people for no reason is sick.

I’m a strong girl, because of all the hard work I’ve put in, of course; so I’ll be okay. But you don’t get anything from insulting others on the internet... so why spend the time and energy to cause that hurt when there’s nothing at all to gain from it? 

Here in America, if we’re lucky, we’ve only got 80-some years to dick around on Earth.

For the love of God, please just use that time to be kind to one another.

[brianjpatterson]

SPOTLIGHT: “THE BIG LEAP” (Reaching the Next Level in Your Journey as a Performer)

If you’re just joining Spotlight, then I’d like to welcome you to my personal journal of my personal journey as a performer. It’s a kind of way for me to look back on all of my experiences, and lessons I’ve learned, while simultaneously sharing what I’ve learned with you. Disclaimer: The word PERSONAL was utilized twice in the first sentence. Therefore, this is not the gospel or the truth, it’s just me sharing MY experiences in an effort to assist, if possible, in other people’s discovery toward climbing the ladder toward their own version of artistic success (end disclaimer). Today, I’m going to continue my detour past part (Part 5) of my observation of the Industry’s Corporate Structure (AGAIN), to touch briefly upon a concept that I live by in “Brian’s B’s” (Being aka Awareness, Business, and Behavior aka Conduct), of my A+B=C method. It is the concept and idea of how to make things practically tangible for others. When you make something tangible for someone, it becomes easily accessible to them. And if you can make it easily accessible in a brief way…even better! SIDE NOTE: If you are reading this blog for the first time, here’s a brief over view of my A+B=C method. A stands for the Abstract; It’s your dream and what you desire. C is the Completion or end result to the equation. It’s that Concrete product you have Concocted. However, B is the thing that doesn’t get much attention, and it is the most vital portion of the equation; It is your Being, your Behavior, and your Business. All the things that YOU actually DO to mix with the A and make the C happen! That is the basic overview of my system. Today, I’m going to focus briefly on the being side. Cultivating awareness is the most important part of ‘Being”. Knowing who you are, means knowing how you show up in every day life in different situations. Today, I’m going to break down five simple questions you can ask yourself when you are feeling stuck at a particular level.

This particular story begins earlier this year just after the events of “What Would Wonder Woman Do about Depression - part two”. If you haven’t read it, then let me give you the truncated version. Basically, my entire life had fallen apart and I lost everything. I barely had a few dollars to my name, everything was in storage, and I was living with my brother from another mother Louis Trenta. Keep in mind that my agency had closed and the theatre where I was employed wasn’t hiring. In effect, I had absolutely no income whatsoever. I didn’t know what else to do, so I looked into doing extra work. I hadn’t done any extra work in nearly 20 years, and it wasn’t necessary for me to do any over the last decade, because all of my acting-based income for the last ten years (including over $15k in savings/401k I had built and lost) was generated from principal, lead, or supporting work. Needless to say, at the time I considered diving back into the extras world, I was feeling a bit defeated and deflated. But I absolutely needed to generate income so that my life could get back on track. Therefore, I made my way over to Central Casting in Burbank, which is the premiere extras casting agency (in LA and probably the world), so that I could get listed.

If you know anything about their registration process, you know that in order to register, you must arrive very early in the morning (like 4:30am) and wait in line for hours (until 9am or so) just to make certain you make the cut to be in the registration group for that day. They only take so many people each time they register, and they only register a couple of days a week. Naturally, I was running late that day, and didn’t arrive until about an hour and a half before they began letting people inside. But I stuck it out anyway and waited in line for an hour or two. I met some really wonderful people in line. We ordered coffee together and kept each other company until it was time to count off for entry. The doorman who controls everything counted and counted until he finally got to the person in front of me…and stopped. I had missed entry by one person. FUCK! One of my last ditch efforts to generate income and I missed it by ONE FUCKING PERSON! I wasn’t going to let this stand. I proceeded to ‘pull out my chapstick’ as my friend Elijah says. Which is our code for putting on a winning smile and positive attitude. I then walked up to him with genuine genuflect in my voice and said, “Excuse me, I’ve been away from this for a while…If I was already registered about 20 years ago, would I still be in their system?” The doorman’s tone became immediately warm and helpful. He answered with a gracious tone, “Oh yeah, sure man. Let me get your info and I’ll go take a quick look for you.” I jotted down my identifying information for him. He took it, and walked away. Within a minute or two he came back and said, “Check it out, you’re still in the system. It just shows you as ‘inactive’. So all you need to do is come back tomorrow at 10am for the update session”. “Wow. Thank you so much!” I said to him and left gleefully. I returned the next day, updated my information and became active in the system. Within a couple of days I was on set doing extra work.

One of my very first extras job was downtown at the LA convention center. It was for an Apple commercial and there were about 350 people there all together (including extras, cast, & crew). i immediately made friends with a few people on this shoot. One of which was a guy named Robert. When I met him, I was utilizing one of my super powers. What is it, you ask? Well, I have this weird 360 awareness, which I think comes from being on stage so much, (or watching too much Xena: Warrior Princess lol) and as I was chatting with one person, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that Robert (who I hadn’t met yet) was sitting at a table by himself and slightly away from everybody. After finishing my conversation, I began to walk back to where my things were and said hi to Robert, whose table was along the way. He stopped me and asked, “Hey, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. Did you say that you had done principal work on commercials before?” “Yes.” I answered. “Can I ask you a little bit about that?” he said. “Of course. I’d be delighted to share what I can with you.” I replied. Over the course of the rest of the day, we talked about the industry, shared stories, shared struggles, and even found some of the things we had in common like martial arts and stunt work. Throughout the course of the conversation, Robert mentioned that he was feeling stuck and wanted to move to the next level. I told him about some of my tactics and that I was planning on writing a book about all of them and how my triumvirate approach had aided me in producing some pretty remarkable results. He asked about my techniques and I shared some with him. After a really long talk, I asked him if I could make a recommendation. He agreed and I told him that a key ingredient to my approach was the idea of consciousness. So, the two books I recommend he read were “The Big Leap” and “The Four Agreements”. The two as a pair give a double punch approach to my idea of consciousness: first, becoming aware of what holds you back, and second, creating a code to follow for the future. As we worked over those two days (which was how long the job was), we continued to bond and even connected with others including the first AD, second AD, director, and assistant director. As Tina D’Elia would say, “It was a good day!” :)

Cut to a few days ago. I was doing some extra work again and when I got to holding my face lit up. There sat Robert from the Apple/LA Convention Center job. We immediately went into ‘catch up’ mode, and since we had a little time to talk before the first shot, I figured I’d share a story with him. I said, “I have some really great news and a cool story to share with you!” “Oh?” he said sounding interested. “Oh yes!” I replied. I went on to explain to him that a couple of months ago I received an audition request for a commercial. It was only (and approximately) the 8th audition I attended after moving to Los Angeles. The audition was for State Farm Insurance, and I felt pretty good about it. The good feeling must have been correct, because the very next day I was asked to come in for a callback. This is where things went slightly sideways.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this piece, I went through a really difficult and challenging time over the last two years, which included a debilitating depression. (Link to  “What Would Wonder Woman Do about Depression - Part Two”) due to loosing everything and my life falling apart. Therefore, at the time I received the callback, I had three dollars in my account and the car I owned (which was barely running at the time) was nearly on empty. I remember looking down at the display which told me how many miles I had to go until empty and it said ’27 miles’. The audition was in Santa Monica, and I was in North Hollywood. That was 22 miles round trip, and with LA traffic the way that it was at that time of day, I knew I wasn’t going to make it. What could I do? I was at a stand still.

I began considering my options. On one hand, I had already marked myself as unavailable for extra work AND confirmed for the callback, so I was already out a hundred bucks and had given my word to be there. Besides loosing money, I was obligated to go. I opened up the Bank Of America app and checked my account….I only had $3 in ANY account. This was barely enough for a gallon of gas. And gas was what was missing from this equation…*gasp*! THat’s when it hit me, and I knew exactly how to get just enough gas to get back and forth. It dawned on me that I had a premium AAA membership which provided emergency gas as many times a year as you need it. So I called them up and had them bring me some emergency gas. It took about 45 minutes, but the AAA truck finally made it to me and gave me enough gas so that I could make the round trip to my audition and back.

I made it to the audition 20 minutes early. As I walked up the ramp to the casting office, I noticed a gentleman talking on the phone, while standing on the ramp just below mine. He looked very familiar, and within a second I recognized him as the first A.D. on the Apple commercial where my buddy Robert and I met. I said a prayer that I would  see him in the audition room. After waiting for a period, it was my turn to audition and it was a cakewalk. It was for a stunt person, so they asked me to do a couple of easy falls. After which they brought in another guy who did a basic mirroring acting exercise. The audition was actually a lot of fun and we ended on a fantastic note. I got in my car and went to the gym which was only a few blocks away and proceeded to get in a killer celebratory workout.

About two weeks passed. I was sitting in my brother’s room and, was preparing my next move. I heard absolutely nothing from the commercial. so I had released it in my mind and come to the conclusion that it went to another actor. That’s when my phone rang. I looked down and it was my agent. He must have another audition for me. I picked up the phone, “Hey, Joe!” “Hi Brian.” I knew something was up. My agent is a ‘get to the point’ kind of guy, so when he didn’t immediately go into audition information, I knew it was a kind of news. “What’s going on?” “Well, you’ve got a fitting for that State Farm commercial. It’s between you and another guy. They want to see you both to see who fits the costume the best.” “Okay. Where and when?” I got the information, went to the fitting, and made sure that I was my best Brian possible. I was wearing my usual Wonder Woman attire which included WW T-Shirt, necklace, bracelets, socks, and phone. I had a lot of commercial experience (over 110 commercials and industrials), and had a good bit of stunt experience, including costume work. And, since they were the effects company who did all the Marvel movies, I being a collector with over $15k in comic books, immediately had tons of things to talk about with them. They shared their concerns with me, and I assured them they had nothing to worry about by answering any and all questions. The other guy got there, and I was wrapped. Needless to say, I left the fitting feeling very strong. At least so I thought.

I heard absolutely nothing from my agent for a week. The phone rang and it was my agent. He let me know that he inquired and they haven’t made a decision as of yet. Another week went by and I accepted that I hadn’t booked this one. So, I let it go. Two weeks had gone by, and if I didn’t hear anything by now, then I probably wouldn’t. So I began to pray, and ask the universe to guide me to the next one. Louis walked in just as I got started meditating. We began chatting about our day and I heard my phone ring. I looked to see my agent’s name come up. It’s Friday at 4:30pm. Business should be…”*gasp*! This is it!” I said audibly to Louis. I knew that the commercial shot in a week, and they had to make a decision today. I answered the phone and heard my agent’s voice. It had a weird smirking tone as he said, “Hey Brian, it’s Joe. I’ve got some bad news for you…(pause)…You booked it!” And with that, I booked a principal role in a SAG/AFTRA National Commercial where I was opposite two celebrities. The exciting part about this, is when I got onto set and walked into my dressing room/trailer the second AD was waiting for me….and he was the same one that was on the Apple commercial where I was an extra. Matter of fact, the first AD, second AD, assistant director, and director were all the same exact people from the Apple commercial where Robert and I met. My world had come full circle in just a few months. But here’s the kicker…I still didn’t have the money to properly fix my car. So the day we were filming, I had to take the bus to set. And since I didn’t have enough money to get back home, I went to set on faith. Knowing that I might have to call Louis for a pickup. Luckily for me, I was able to get a ride home, and when I got home a check from last week’s extra work was waiting for me. So I made it back and forth to set with no problem for day 2. However, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without asking myself 5 questions about 5 specific topics along the way. Here are my five suggestions for things to ask yourself when attempting to move to the next level in your journey.

ONE - DO YOU HAVE FAITH? Wonder Woman once said that “Faith is a perception beyond the vision. Sometimes we must close our eyes to see the light”. This lines up with the Bible’s idea of ‘walking in faith and not by sight”. Not to say that we should deny reality, but that we must rather “Run with the Vision”. In earlier posts I posed the question: “What’s your mission?” After figuring out what your mission is, you can then create a tangible and detailed vision for yourself and your career, which I cover in “My Annual Business Plan Creation: ‘Twice As Good’”. And by having a detailed vision, you then have something tangible in which to have faith. By having your own simple, clear, distinct, detailed, and realistic vision, you have something in which to believe, to refer, and ultimately manifest and bring into fruition. The law of attraction states that ‘thoughts become things’. So when our thoughts are clear and direct we can manifest that much more efficiently. But remember that the law of attraction is neutral. So if your vision is selfish, you will produce results as such. If your vision is full of love, it will be full of love; bountiful and effervescent. Universal law is that we reap what we sow. The bible references the law of the universe when it mentions that things return to us ‘7 times 7’. So again, be careful about what you want and why. Therefore, to make sure you’re on the most efficient, effective, positive, and clear path as possible, One of my favorite first questions to ask is: Do I have a simple, clear, distinct, detailed, and realistic vision, and do I wholeheartedly believe and have faith in my vision? Because thoughts truly do become things. You just have to have faith, and very much like my aforementioned story mentioned, it may even be in the most difficult and trying of times!

TWO - WHAT CAN YOU DO RIGHT NOW? Sometimes, things can be more trying than usual, and your faith will be tested. Often without warning and sometimes repeatedly. Emotions will run high, and circumstances will seem near impossible. That’s why after you first, have grounded yourself through having faith, you can then move to step two which is to figure out what steps you can take right now. For me, figuring out situations in life very much parallels figuring out a character’s journey as an actor. When preparing a character we first figure out the given circumstances of that universe and how it works, which then grants us the ability to begin to make informed choices on what to do next. When we create the ‘givens’ of our own universe through detailed mission and vision, we are creating the intention for how things are going to run. It is after that, we can then make informed decisions on what to do next. This way, when we are in situations like when I was completely without gas or ability to get to a callback, I knew that my mission and vision was clear and that I had to accomplish this. Therefore, I simply asked, what I could do right now to ensure it happened and came to fruition. Mine was to call AAA to get gas so that I could make it to my callback. It was an answer that required a little creativity, but that is part of what it takes to win and create your own game of creating the character detailed in your mission and vision. So when things get tough and your faith is tested, rely on your mission and vision as a guide. Look back over it and ask yourself if there are simple, clear, distinct, detailed, and realistic tangible steps that you can take right now to ensure this step of your mission/vision come to fruition? Just be prepared for what the answer may ask of you.

THREE - ARE YOU MAKING SACRIFICES WHEN NECESSARY? You may have created a very clear and precise mission and vision, you may have strong faith in it, and you might even have been able to figure out what to do right now as a next step. But what happens when that next step requires you to make a sacrifice?  My thoughts on this are pretty simple. Ask if the sacrifice is necessary, and if so…then make it! I had to ask myself this when I was first asked to attend the callback for the national commercial. I had been supporting myself with extra work, and was being asked if I could work the day of the callback. Although I was in a particularly precarious situation financially, I knew I had some options. First, I could opt to not attend the audition, and instead make money, which I needed. If I did, then I was missing out on an opportunity to begin working my way up the corporate ladder of success in the industry, which would ensure I stayed in ‘the mailroom’ level of the corporate pyramid even longer. The second was to to do more extra work on the day of the callback audition. Instead, I skipped a days pay and attended the callback. I knew that attending a callback of this magnitude would put me into a very strong chance of booking the job. I realized that skipping a day’s pay was a necessary sacrifice toward moving up the ladder of success. So that is my third question when faced with a potential sacrifice: Is this a tangible and necessary sacrifice? But a new problem, may come into your path after you’ve made some sacrifices. It is when the sacrifice presented seems too much to handle.

FOUR - ARE YOU COMFORTABLE BEING UNCOMFORTABLE? Sacrifices like deciding to attend a callback audition to book a national commercial instead of working for a day, were the kind of sacrifices which I had grown accustomed to making.  Mostly because the same scenario would return to me regularly for the last ten years in San Francisco. I was comfortable being uncomfortable, but only in a certain arena, and that was with scheduling and day to day matters. I hadn’t experienced it on a larger scale in a long time. I had known for a while that a bigger sacrifice was looming over my head, but it wasn’t until the events of “What Would Wonder Woman Do about Depression: Part Two” that I was forced to make it. What i discovered is that the idea of making sacrifices and potentially being perpetually uncomfortable was something that affected all areas of life when accepting the position of performer as an independent contractor. We must truly learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. This can be one of the most difficult steps in climbing the corporate ladder, but once it is gotten, it can be a gateway toward the final step toward reaching new levels in one’s journey as a performer. So ask yourself about most things in your life and career: Am I comfortable being uncomfortable? Some people come to answer this quickly, and some do so at a slower pace. But it’s those who are able to get to this place quickly that are often the ones asking this fifth and final question.

FIVE - ALWAYS ASK ‘WHAT’S NEXT?’ Unless you come upon a ‘Flo’ Progressive Insurance deal where one or two days of work can potentially pay your entire year’s salary, then you’re probably like every other performer who are in a perpetual state of looking for the next job. If you are a performer who is making a living at your art, then one day of work could probably pay for a month’s salary. Therefore, the career artist will constantly be asking his/her self ‘what’s next?’. The very next day that I wrapped on filming my national commercial for this year, I wondered “What’s Next?”, because I knew this job: wouldn’t pay for a full year’s salary, wasn’t going to pay forever, wasn’t going to last forever, nor was it going to be career longevity. So once I was out of the moment of working that job, I was immediately ambitious and hungry for the next one. Therefore, this question was a great guide on my journey.

I noticed that there was an secondary benefit to having this question as a helpful career guide: I wasn’t sweating the small stuff. You see, after the national commercial, I also continued to do extra work, so that in between residual checks I was keeping enough money flowing and continuing to pay bills in a timely manner (Mostly lol). When I arrived on a set for extra work, I was always completely prepared and attentive to getting the job done as efficiently and effectively as possible, due to my mind being on my big personal goals. Extra work was a supplement so that I could get the work for my main job done. I was literally not sweating the small stuff on the set of my extra work jobs because I was so focused on getting things done for my main job, which was principal/lead work. I did continue to do more principal work in other arenas, because I was seeking them out and asking what’s next continued to be my guide. At one point this year, I was in the holding of an extra work job, memorizing a SIX PAGE script (of nothing but me talking to camera - with no teleprompter, mind you) for an industrial commercial I was shooting for a major fortune 500 company a few days later. I was not sweating the small stuff, and physically working on what was next! Keep in mind that I never advocate laxing on your duties at one job for another, but since extra work didn’t require anything but being there, and often times sitting for hours in holding, I knew there would be a lot of down time for me to read or study. So I made the best use of time possible which helped me to stay productive, active, and avoid being physically or mentally sluggish. I was staying mentally, emotionally, and even physically healthy by utilizing “What’s Next?” as a guide. This is usually a pretty good litmus test for those making a living at their art and those who don’t.

WHEN YOU’RE REACHING AND LEAPING, DO IT WITH WONDER The last two years, I have learned a lot about myself, my career, and the world around me. Mostly of my take away has been how it all fits and works together. It’s why I have endeavored to finish writing a book which takes my own personal experiences and use them to craft an autobiographical narrative which helps encourage and elucidate young artists in their journey. The previous entry was an sample portion of a chapter in the book that I am crafting. My hope is that the book will create a powerful three pronged spotlight. One which illuminates: 1) the corporate structure of performers’ careers, 2) The powerful triumvirate needed to create a competitive artist, and 3) an the glue on how it all works together in an empowering, inspiring narrative to help support the next generation of performers toward being the best they can be!

This previous chapter talked about moving to the next level of one’s career. For me, I found five commonalities with those working in careers where there are continual new levels to explore. Those five commonalities began with creating a fully crafted vision, and having faith in it. Then, (#2) taking tangible next steps in the now, which are sometimes (#3) sacrifices. All while (#4) getting comfortable being uncomfortable in many of those sacrifices, and after each goal has been achieved asking (#5) ‘What’s Next?’. They are five commonalities of those on the path of success and five ways/questions to ask yourself to see where you are in that journey. In my book, I’ll have additional writings to accompany this one which explain some of the previous work and personal theories which fuel each chapter, but for now I’ll just say that NONE of those five questions should be asked without a sense of wonder behind it. I believe it to be imperative that each step of one’s career (like everything in life) be approached with a sense of wonder. When you ‘wonder’ you are expressing a true love for something. and replace asking more questions in the spot where your assumptions arise, it will transform your life. It will cause you to seek opportunities at every level, and the questions it will get you asking will be in alignment to the five I previously mentioned, if not them exactly. So as you are reaching that next place in your journey and are taking a new big leap in your career, do it with a sense of wonder.

I hope you found value in this post.

Best,

Brian J. Patterson “Only love can truly save the world!” - Wonder Woman

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Episode 4: All or Nothing

Containing a bunch of surprising rolls and some of my own artwork of the bois! Grif receives some bad news from home, Taveau has a panic attack, and Rralwarr does his best to keep the two humans from self-destructing. 

DM starts the session by saying “You have received an anoymous transmission. Check in your handouts.” 

We all find this message: 

ARUETIISE: YOU HAVE TAKEN OUR PROPERTY AND KILLED ONE OF OUR OWN.  THIS WILL NOT GO UNPUNISHED.  WE WILL FIND YOU.  YOU ARE DAR'MANDA. 

Taveau: 

Grif: Oh uh... Taveau, can you translate-- 

Tavea leaps out of the pilot chair with a screech and disappears into the bowels of the ship at a full sprint, yelling something about “leaving.” He reappears shortly later (because irl I reached the DM’s room at the end of the hallway and was like... I’m not going in there... that would be weird). 

Taveau: SHAB we’re on a SHIP I can’t get off 

Grif: 

Taveau: *deep breath* OK. We are... In Trouble. 

Grif: I kinda got that. 

Grif checks the message, trying to figure out where it originated from, but all he can find is that the data was last transmitted from a holonet receiver on Nal’hutta. That’s probably not the origin point, but just a stop the data took. Considering the Mando’a and the fact that we just assisted in shooting a member of Death Watch, we assume that that’s who the message is from. 

Immediately after this, a horn blares. 

DM: that was the proximity alarm on your ship. The nondescript freighter you saw N10 (AKA Jang, the ARC trooper) and the black-armored Mandalorian standing outside on the ground has come right up next to you. You have a communication request. 

Taveau: Grif. 

Grif: ...Hello? 

Clone: So you’re still alive! I’m impressed, but you’ve made some powerful enemies. The Republic can’t protect you everywhere. I think it’s time for a strategic disappearance. I suggest you go to ground. Remember who your friends are. N10 out. 

Grif: 

Grif: What Just Happened. 

Taveau: *shivering in his chair* I have no idea but I’m inclined to believe him, let’s get the hell out of here. 

DM: You’ve got an incoming holo-transmission from Alderaan. Grif? It’s your father. 

Grif, who ran away to join the diplomatic corps in the middle of a war very much without his parents’ approval: ...Oh. 

DM: you receive the transmission, and the image of an Alderaanian man appears. He has a trimly-cut beard and a bald head, and he’s wearing well-cut robes. 

Grif: Heyyy, Dad! 

Rralwarr: Sir, I’m so sorry. 

Mr. Welkonna: Grif. Thank the Force, you’re alright. Listen. You need to come home. It’s your mother. She’s been killed. 

Grif: ..what

Mr. Welkonna: She was away from her bodyguard, and she was shot in the neck. Grif, come home. 

Grif: 

Grif: I... um. Actually. I’ve... got into some trouble, out here. Wouldn’t it be best if... I didn’t bring it back home with me? 

Mr. Welkonna:  I thought you might say that, but please son, your family needs you at home. 

Grif: Look, Dad, I... I really think it would be better, I... 

Rralwarr:  Mr. Welkonna, as you understand, we are in the middle of a war, and we have made some powerful enemies. 

Mr. Welkonna: This is why I never wanted you to leave home. Rralwarr? I’m calling on the life debt your family owes me. Bring him home. 

Rralwarr: Understood, sir. 

*transmission ended.

There’s a moment of silence in the cockpit, then Rralwarr turns to Grif and says “We’re going home.” 

Grif: I understand. 

Rralwarr: I don’t have a choice. 

Grif: I know, it’s alright. ...We need to get Taveau out of here. 

Taveau: W

Rralwarr: Why? 

Grif: We need to get him off somewhere safe, we’ll have very little protection on Alderaan. 

Taveau: Honey! Uh... Listen. You think I’m gonna be more safe outside the ship? Uh—besides, you haven’t paid me. So let’s just stick together for now... and if anyone tries to shoot you, I can... shoot in their general direction.

Rralwarr: Yeah, you could use more bodyguards now. 

There’s another message, this one from the Republic.

Welkonna, Rralwarr: Well done.  Your service is valuable to the Republic.  5,000 Republic credits have been deposited to each of your accounts.  I also understand that you have acquired a ship and a pilot.  I won't question how you got them.  We've updated the ship's registry to reflect its status as an official Republic courier ship, and licensed to carry its current armament.  Additionally, if your pilot (Taveau, I think?) wishes to join the Diplomatic Corps, he can sign up right away and receive payment.  It's hardly standard protocol, but we need all the help we can get.  Return to Coruscant for debriefing and new tasking.

Argrave Piett

Level 4 Supervisor, RDC Courier Service

Republic Diplomatic Headquarters, Coruscant

We decide not to go to Coruscant. Taveau doesn’t respond to the message one way or the other, and there’s some party debate about whether we ought to respond at all, since anything we send might be intercepted by Death Watch. 

Rralwarr: Send a vague transmission. “We are unable to get to Coruscant at this time.” Or better, we are unable to follow orders, we are under fire, don’t want to say too much. Think... what does Death Watch already know that we know?

(IRL: J, a girl who came to watch the session, comments that we’ve been getting really good rolls. I say “That’s because I haven’t rolled yet!” and H goes “HA! yes.” I guess this is my legacy now) 

We also discuss which direction we should head in for the moment. Death Watch obviously knows where we are, so wherever we go, we could be endangering someone. 

Grif: OK we need to go to somewhere that’s clear Republic space, so it’ll look like we’re going to hide, and maybe draw them out before we get to Alderaan.

The DM provides a galactic map, and someone suggests Corellia. 

DM: Corellia is a busy spaceport, a common stopping-point for people going from the core worlds to the outer rim planets.

Grif: Yeah! We can lose ‘em there, get another ship! Hopefully. 

We decide that this is a good idea: it’s more or less on the route to Alderaan, but not right next to it. We’ve got a good few hours in hyperspace, the DM asks what we’ll be doing in that time. 

Me: I am going to sit in my pilot seat and shiver.

Rralwarr: ...I attempt to be a wookie blanket.

Me: Aww! Thanks.

Grif: I pull out my rum.

Several constitution rolls later: (Rralwarr didn’t do very well, the rest of did... decent): 

DM: you all down your shots. Taveau is just very confused and very scared, definitely feels it. Grif... Grif likes it, but he’s definitely still feeling the pain. Rralwarr... starts to let out a few tears. 

Rralwarr: I think I’m going to bed now. 

Taveau: I give you an awkward shoulder pat as you’re leaving. 

DM, to Grif: OK, you have a terrified pilot, a dead mom, and half a bottle of rum (also another full bottle that he’s got stashed away), and someone very powerful wants you dead.

Grif, to me: Want another? 

Taveau: YES. 

(1 good roll and 1 Very Bad roll) 

DM: Taveau, you’re still scared, but you can handle your liquor pretty well, and you actually calm down a bit. You feel less jittery. Grif, that second drink just pushes you over the edge. You were trying to be strong, you were trying to be brave, but... you loved your mom, and you miss her.

Grif, small voice: I know

DM: And even though you know that the bottle won’t fix it, you drink it all. You are wasted, you are a sobbing puddle on the floor of the ship, crying for your mom. Rralwarr wakes up briefly, hears you, comes and gives you a hug, drags you to bed and tucks you in. 

H: Yes. I would do that. 

Grif: Mom... would... always help... all the mommy wookiees... give birth to their babies....

R: I know, Grif.

Grif: Mom... they were always... they were family, to her, the wookiees...

R: I know. Go to sleep, Grif.

Taveau is left alone in the cockpit. Someone questions whether he’s capable of flying. 

DM: honestly, you are probably going to fly a little better now. You’re less shaky. 

H asks where his family is. 

DM:  Rralwarr’s parents are happily retired with a generous pension from the Welkonna family. They travel between the Welkonna estate and a rather luxurious treehouse on Kashyyyk. 

Meanwhile. Taveau, slightly drunk, drifting in and out of a restless sleep in the cockpit, decides that he’s going to try to learn Shyriiwook, so that he can understand Rralwarr. This involves a Galactic Lore roll. You know, that roll that the whole party has a history of doing really badly with. 

H, eager to finally have the whole party be able to understand him: Don’t crit fail on me!

Me: *crit fails*

H: NO

Me: NOOOOOOOO

DM: ....you THINK you understand Syriiwook, but what you hear is NOT what everyone else hears. 

The morning comes and the DM makes us all roll constitution to see how well we recover from our bad choices of the night before. 

DM: Rralwarr, you’re good, sober. Taveau, you’re as well-rested as you get these days, slowly coming to terms with the idea that Death Watch is after you. 

And then Grif makes his roll. 

Grif has a negative constitution modifier, and he rolls a crit fail (a 1), resulting in a score of Z E R O . Grif has gotten a crit fail and then some. 

The party reacts with shock and concern, but the DM is deathly silent for a few moments. Then, he stands up from the table and says: 

DM: ...We need to pause for five minutes while the DM goes into another room and curses loudly.

And then he left. Disappearing down the hallway. 

Me: HEY I THINK I’VE SUDDENLY GOT A REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT GRIF. CAN I RUSH IN THERE AND CHECK ON HIM. CAN WE HELP HIM

H: I’M A MEDIC HOLD ON I’M GOING TO GO IN THERE PLEASE TELL ME WE CAN HELP HIM 

DM, returning, with a haggard expression: ... you were SUPPOSED to have a really really bad hangover. You were not supposed to roll a Z E R O. OK, you two go in to check on Grif, and you find him catatonic. He is breathing, his heart is beating, um... he is completely nonresponsive. 

Rralwarr pulls out his medical kit to see what he can do.

DM: You can’t even get reflex movements. Completely unresponsive. 

Rralwarr immediately decides that, if Grif wakes up, he is never going to tell Mr. Welkonna about this. And he makes a treat injury roll to see if he can figure out how bad Grif is. 

DM: That was more alcohol than Grif had ever had in his life. Turns out his body was not prepared to take that much alcohol that quickly... (party reaction):

...He blacked out from alcohol overload and basically shut down except for vitals. You (Rralwarr) manage to stabilize him, you gave him some medicine to help with processing the alcohol out of his system, as far as you know there’s no permanent brain damage, but he’s still unconscious and you’re not sure for how long. 

Taveau: Is he going to be OK?

Rralwarr, knowing that Taveau can’t understand him (and, out of character, not thinking that this is the best moment for a communication failure), just nods. 

DM: Grif? after Rralwarr’s treatment, you become conscious. You just can’t move. 

The entire party: THAT IS TERRIFYING

DM: your eyes are closed, so you can hear but you can’t see.

Grif: I attempt to open my eyes, pretty freaked out that I’m hearing things but can’t see. 

DM: this deals with your connection to the living Force, so it’ll be a survival roll with disadvantage. (a 10) You manage to twitch your eyelids, but that’s all. 

Me: can we roll perception to see if we notice him twitching? 

DM allows it. Rralwarr and I both roll

AND WE BOTH NAT 20 . 

DM: 

One of the rejoicing party members, helpfully: ‘What frick’? (a signature saying among them) 

DM: Oh, we’re well past frick. *gets up* I retreat into my inner sanctum of contemplation. *goes into the coat closet and shuts the door.* 

We hear muffled noises of someone banging their head against a wall. 

The DM returns. 

DM: ... alright, so you both notice the eye twitch, which you are sure beyond a doubt was Grif, and Rralwarr, you think that perhaps by applying the right kind of stimulation to the nerve centers you maaaaay be able to bring back function, at least to his eyes.

Taveau: HEY GRIF! Hey! Hey, buddy! Listen, we’re here, you’re gonna be okay.... maybe....? 

Grif, internally: he called me buddy!! 

Me: (tiny squee of happiness) 

Rralwarr makes a medicine roll to see if he can help Grif wake up a little, as is being allowed because of the unexpected nat 20, and he... roooolllsssss... 

ANOTHER NAT 20

Party: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DM: 

DM: *sigh* OK. Grif. Rralwarr carefully stimulates your nerves at a specific point, hoping to help you open your eyes; amazingly manages to do it in just the right way that muscle function is restored to your entire body, and you wake up. It worked so well that you feel stronger than ever before. Increase your constitution score. 

Grif gets up. 

H: Rralwarr sees you’re up and moving, grabs you by the arms and stares into your eyes and goes NO MORE ALCOHOL.

T, from the couch, remembering the failed attempt to learn Shyriiwook: what does Taveau THINK you said?

DM: Taveau, you think Grif has a deathly allergy for bantha meat and will die if he so much as smells it. And because of how you dealt with recent events, you all have inspiration now, to last indefinitely until you use it on a roll.

Me: Have you released the Grif?

H: No. Rralwarr points to all the medical equipment and goes “I did this for you.” 

DM, to Grif: while unconscious, you had a dream that you saw 32, and he was your best friend, and towards the end of the dream, he runs towards you and grabs your shoulders in a warm embrace, and then you wake up and it’s Rralwarr.

Grif: Nice to see you too, buddy.

Taveau: *scoots past the wookie as soon as he’s released Grif and hugs him* Welcome back. Don’t do that again.

Grif: Do what?

Taveau: You were seriously blacked out. Usually when people do that they’re trying to kill themselves.

Grif: Ok well that’s a new experience.

H, looking over at me: waiiiiit....

Rralwarr confiscates Grif’s alcohol. He thinks momentarily, maybe Taveau will accept it as payment, but decides this is a BAD IDEA. Stares at Grif, drinks a little of it, then puts it on a high shelf that neither of us can reach. 

There’s a hyperspace alarm blaring. After a moment of silence I go OH YEAH! I SHOULD GO DEAL WITH THAT!! Sprint into the hallway, crash into the wall, you hear crashing going down the ship.

Rralwarr: I follow Taveau and try to help; I guide him into his chair, sit him down, slide the chair in and pat him on the shoulder like “good luck”. Oh, also, Grif.  since I healed you, as far as I’m concerned, *leans in*  n o t h i n g   h a p p e n e d.

Grif: ...Right! 

Me, OOC: I’m so sorry. But you left with alone with an alcoholic Mandalorian, what did you think was going to happen!? 

DM: You guys...you’re supposed to kill bad guys, not me.  .... I am so done with you. I want to go do physics now, because it makes more sense than you. *gets up from the table* 

And that concludes Episode 4. We had an emergency (because we were all eager for another one) session 4.2 on Saturday, and at that, decided to switch the sessions to Saturday for now. 4.2 is on its way. 5 will be tonight. And here’s some art I made in honor of this session: 

(Rralwarr and Taveau are both taller than they here appear, they’re hunched over Grif. Taveau is taller than Grif and Rralwarr is taller than e v e r y o n e.) 

Masterpost with all the current RPG session posts in order: HERE

[transcriptroopers]

Regarding Veteran’s Day

So it’s Veteran’s Day! 11/11 huh? Sometimes that brings back memories. I was in JROTC in high school and they organized the schools at these events every year. It was optional, but I attended every single Veteran’s Day memorial service, whether it was being on color guard or just showing up to stand with my fellow cadets in uniform. Some would leave as soon as the ceremony was done, but I loved to make the rounds and talk to the aging vets who came to speak at the ceremonies. I actually made my mom take me to it every year, and that is impressive for me because my mother was pretty abusive and I hated asking her for anything :’)

I hope all of my vet followers are gonna have a rad day. It’s Saturday! The world is at your finger tips. Spend time with friends and family; reflect on the good in your life.

and most importantly

As soon as the clock turned midnight, I knew it was Veteran’s Day. That’s because my passengers (I’m a Lyft driver) started giving me the ol’ “thank you for your service” (to which I always respond: “and thank you for yours!” because I choose to hear it as “thank you, a Lyft driver, for performing this service) razzle-dazzle but pumped up to eleven. And yeah, I bring it upon myself by even saying it. Somehow the passengers who want to converse with me always wind up asking me how I moved to the area or what kind of work I did, and having lived a pretty uneventful life I always wind up mentioning the army. But it’s not just Lyft, right? It’s like I can’t escape it. Every year I’m getting bombarded with e-mails, news articles, tumblr posts, webcomics, “thanking me for my service” and talking about how golly-gosh-darn much they respect the military and those noble folks who serve. I have some words that are part advice and part cry for help. I hope I’m understood, but this is personal for me, so it’s inevitably biased. Whether you read or skip, thank you for your continued support and appreciation, and I hope you appreciate my new URL based on the anti-fascist cult classic Starship Troopers. 

— “Thank you for your service” isn’t common courtesy whenever you see a soldier. It’s just something civilians say because they’ve been taught all their lives to hero worship the military no matter what. The only ones who like you doing it are the ones who especially don’t need it – those who have some sort of superiority/martyr complex about being in military. Please don’t enforce this kind of culture. And I’m not saying “be disrespectful.” Just talk to veterans like normal people, yeah?

Other things NOT to say: • What did you do over there? • Did you kill/shoot anyone? • Did you like it? • So you’re probably in favor of -most recent military newspiece- • My so-and-so is in the military, so a) I’m going to talk about that for twenty minutes because I’m sure you appreciate hearing about other people in the military/ b) I 100% understand what you all go through. • That’s so brave/selfless/patriotic/courageous of you (to join) • So how much did they fuck you up/so did it leave it in one piece/other euphemisms for “are you disabled now and how?” • Me: “Oh, I was in the army.” You: *loud screeching, cheering, clapping, and wooing* (This is embarrassingly common in Lyfts). Please also don’t…run up to us suddenly and ask to shake our hands? Or just thrust your hand out and hope we reciprocate without even getting our attention? What are you doing??

Things that are okay to say: • Can I ask about your time in service? <— for real though like…stop assuming every vet wants to talk to you about everything they ever did in the military. • Were you stationed anywhere cool? <— gives vet option to omit assignments they don’t want to talk about/allows vet to decline to answer. people usually just straight up hit me with “where were you stationed?” like it’s an interrogation and like… no offense but ?? • Did you hear about -insert military news here-? <— vets aren’t a hive mind. We don’t always know what every other branch of the military is up to. People hit me with “What did you think about that x that happened in y because of z?” Also I once casually mentioned I spent a year in South Korea and got back “Oh man so you probably have the inside scoop on North Korea and everything huh?” and like…bro vets usually aren’t much more informed than civilians about military maneuvers tbh like sometimes they’re less informed because they think they don’t HAVE to be. And like…just in case I haven’t made it clear in the past, the vast majority of soldiers will never be in combat and they will never so much as aim their weapon at another person, let alone fire it. Somehow so many civilians seem to think soldiers shooting people is inevitable; i wonder why…

If you are with or know a veteran and you’re going to a restaurant courtesy of the now popular ploy of offering freebies on the 11th, be sure to

A. Tip on the original amount. Servers get fucking screwed on V-Day because veterans get their whole meal for free and tip on the cost of the drinks. Don’t be that asshole. B. Don’t engage the server with military stories or solicit perks because they’re “serving a hero.” They’re busy. They have four hundred other heroes to serve today who aren’t going to be tipping them and who expect way more respect given than they give in return so eat your free frozen spaghetti with microwaved meatballs and leave. C. On that last note consider just…NOT going to these restaurants?? Come on; they’re all overpriced and shitty chains and franchises with frozen food, they usually only offer you some partial free item or something from a list of like three super-limited entrees, and they want you to come and get a free meal so your friends and family feel obligated to come along and they have to purchase their meals and it’s really not about helping or appreciating veterans it’s about drawing business. Excluding poor veterans because free food is free food I get it. D. Consider giving your leftovers or perhaps your full free meal to a homeless person. Personally this is how I’m going to be spending V-Day; I’ll be going restaurant to restaurant for anyone who’ll give me that free food to go, and then I’ll just pass it out to the innumerable homeless lined up in my area. And no, not specifically homeless veterans. All homeless deserve to eat. I mention this specifically because I had a conversation recently with a Lyft passenger about how I thought it would be better to give all of this free food to homeless instead of soldiers, (because hint hint - active duty soldiers are veterans, and they’re getting this free food despite already having their every need provided for) and I was told that many homeless people are veterans, so it works out in the wash. • It can be hard to keep track of the dates when you’re homeless. You’re assuming they’ll know it’s the 11th to begin with, or that they’ll have access to the knowledge of which restaurants are offering deals. • Homeless people usually have to walk to get around, and the U.S. is not very accessible on foot. So you’re assuming that homeless person even has access to a restaurant offering this deal. • These deals usually require that you purchase a drink or something, and drinks can be upwards of $3. It’s like the only stipulation for it being “free” and it specifically inhibits homeless accessibility. • Homeless are not welcome in society. A homeless person, even a vet, walking into a restaurant for a free meal is facing a lot of risk; at the very least the staff will probably treat them poorly, at the worst they’ll be kicked out, especially if they try to use the bathroom because everyone assumes they’re doing drugs in there and not, you know, the thing we all have to do five times a day. • Trust me, I’ve gone to a lot of these free meal things. There ain’t no mass movement of homeless vets lining up to get that free food. Besides, if society wanted homeless vets to get the food, they would target homeless vets and low-income vets; not try to bribe people to bring their family to Applebee’s. And finally if you weren’t convinced • You need to have proof that you’re prior military to get that food. And not just like your old dog tags or being able to recall your time in service. You need a military I.D or a DD 214, the paper that officially releases you from service. How many homeless vets do you think are carrying around their discharge paperwork from decades ago? Does everyone on the streets have a valid ID? Dude some homeless don’t remember their goddamn names. Get a fuckin’ clue. In short

Happy Veterans Day. I hope all other veterans have a nice day. Please don’t hero worship soldiers. Please treat us like people.  Please also look back on the lives lost in unethical political wars, illegal invasions, hostile takeovers, foreign overthrow of governments, and the ever-present “collateral” damage that is still murdering innocent civilians in the form of hushed up drone strikes. Please consider how the United States has been at war for 222 years out of its current 239 years of existence. Doesn’t that seem weird? Almost unreal? Like something out of a dystopian novel?  Ask yourself why this holiday began as a remembrance of the dead and the celebration of the end of the Great War, a global day to celebrate world peace, and ask why it is that other parts of the world still know it as such while America’s 222 years of war has caused it to instead hail the tools of those wars. A final statement: there is currently nothing to thank your military for.

-Kingsley

[thatonekawaiigirl13]

Who Said Death Was Easy? [Death Note] Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen: Meeting

Keiko’s POV:

“So, we were there both days...Aoyama on the 22nd and then Shibuya on the 24th and...we observed nothing of significance on either occasions,” Matsuda announced, a look of despair on his face, “damn...I was really hoping that we would find at least some clue that would lead us closer to either Kira or the Second Kira.”

Keiko flashed a sympathetic smile his way. He returned her look with a weak smile of his own as she replied, “well, at least we did our best and tried, Matsuda-san. Remember, it was never guaranteed that we found find anything anyway. Besides, there’s still one more entry left in the journal page...that-”

“That leaves us with only the Tokyo Dome on the 30th,” Ryuzaki interrupted before he popped a strawberry into his mouth. Keiko looked over at him and glared.

“I was just getting to that, Ryuzaki-san,” she snapped at him. A moment later, Keiko could feel Light’s warm hand gently on her knee, as if to try and calm her down.

“Not fast enough for my taste,” the detective responded, a bored expression entering his face.

So much for the idea of him caring about me...see, Keiko, you were just so exhausted you were imagining things... he’s just as cold and emotionless as usual...but now his behavior is even more frustrating.

Keiko opened her mouth to speak again when an incoming message from Watari popped up on L’s computer screen, “Ryuzaki-san, Sakura T.V. has just informed me that they have received another message from the Second Kira.”

There were gasps from several members of the Task Force. Keiko gave a small gasp herself, and she bit her lip in thought.

“What...the…” Keiko heard Matsuda quietly mumble beside her. She looked over at him, seeing his bewilderment written across his face.

“It was postmarked on the 23rd,” Watari continued, “wait just a moment…”

Not long after, the gothic K.I.R.A. logo popped up on the screen, “I wanted to say that I have found Kira. To all of the people at the broadcasting station and the police station, thank you very much.”

What?! No way! Wait a second. So that means Kira had to be in Aoyama...unfortunately this also means...

Keiko turned her attention towards Light once she felt him shift a little beside her. She watched as his eyebrows furrowed, signaling that he was in deep thought, and carefully studied him for any suspicious behavior.

This means, as much as I don’t want to think about it, there’s still a possibility that my boyfriend, Light Yagami, may be Kira. A fact that I haven’t wanted to think about lately, a fact that I’ve been ignoring because nothing too suspicious has happened...until now.

Getting the feeling she was being watched, she snapped her eyes away from her boyfriend. Keiko looked for the source of her sudden discomfort and found L’s dark eyes drilling a hole in her own. Once again, he had an unreadable expression on his face, but when he noticed that Keiko was looking over at him, he flashed a sort of smug look in her direction. She had no doubt in her mind that he knew exactly what she had been thinking. Keiko felt her face flush, but she didn’t dare look away. Her heart was pounding a little faster in her chest.

“This is a disaster if he found him,” Aizawa commented, causing Keiko to finally break her eye contact with the great detective. Honestly, she was glad, their little staredown was starting to feel a little too intense, a little too personal for her taste.

“Yeah,” Mr. Yagami added, “and it most likely means that the original Kira and the Second Kira are now cooperating with each other.”

“At this point, I don’t think we should jump to conclusions,” she heard L respond, “the Second Kira is only saying that he found him and nothing more. He may not have made any sort of contact with him yet...so now that it’s come to this...we have no choice but to communicate a message as the police and send it directly to the Second Kira.”

“You want to send a message to the Second Kira?” Matsuda questioned, leaning forward on the couch cushion, an incredulous look on his face.

“Yes...the police need to reach out to the copycat first...and see if we can make a deal and negotiate with him in exchange for the real Kira’s identity.”

“Is there a chance that this will even work?” Mr. Yagami asked, pushing up his glasses as he stared at the emotionless detective.

“A very slim chance, but it’s still worth a shot,” L replied, “now, I’d like to air this message on tonight’s news… so, you see, we have some work to do.”

/timeskip/

A couple hours later, a draft of the message was ready. It was decided that Aizawa would read the message out loud to make sure it sounded okay.

“If Kira doesn’t yet know your name, it may not be to late for you, provided that you are willing to cooperate. Whatever you do, you must not approach Kira out of curiosity...make no mistake: Kira will kill you if you contact him. You will be used and disposed of. Consider your own life for a moment, yours, like every other human life, has value. Now is your chance to make up for your previous wrongdoings by sharing what you know about Kira; only you can help us bring his reign of terror to an end.”

“Yes, yes, it’s good. Please send this over to Sakura T.V. immediately and tell them to broadcast it tonight,” L ordered, “as for the rest of you, I think that this concludes our meeting for today. So you are free to go.”

“Understood,” Aizawa replied as the rest of the Task Force gathered up their materials to leave. Keiko stood up and stretched a little, she was a little emotionally exhausted from today’s meeting. It was all quite a bit unnerving for her. After all this time without anything particularly suspicious happening with Light, that now there was something that could potentially be connected to him.

Of course, it could have been anyone in Aoyama that day, but the phone call from a few days ago from L had put her somewhat on edge...not to mention the look that the raven haired detective had given her earlier. Keiko knew that she couldn’t over look that, she ran a hand through her hair, swallowing hard.

I don’t like the way L is acting...however, maybe I should I be on my guard more? After all, Light is still a suspect in this investigation...no matter what, I cannot forget that. Even though I’d like to...

“I’m sorry, there’s something that I wish to discuss with my father tonight...do you mind if I went straight home with him instead of walking you home first?” Light asked Keiko, breaking her from her thoughts as he stood up from his spot on the couch.

“N-no, you’re fine, go ahead,” Keiko responded, flashing her boyfriend a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

Can I trust you…? I really want to...but I’m not sure I should anymore, at least not as much...but, it’s hard not to trust you...

Light leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the lips, causing Keiko’s heart to give a nervous lurch in her chest. She had gotten used to having him around, she had gotten used to his gentle touch, his sweet kisses...if her boyfriend was really Kira, she felt as though her world would crumble down around her.

I can’t deny the fact that I have strong feelings for you, Light Yagami...they’ve been clouding my judgement lately.

“Thanks, Keiko-chan...I’ll text you later, goodbye.” With that, he walked away and caught up to his father, who had been just about to walk out of the hotel room.

Keiko was just about to walk out of the hotel room herself when she heard an unmistakable voice speak from behind her, causing her to give a little jump, “you’re back on guard a little more now, aren’t you?”

She slowly turned around to face L and his unblinking eyes. His raven black hair was a little disheveled, she noted, as he was uncomfortably close to her. Much to her dismay, she could feel her heart starting to pound faster again. She was nervous, unable to speak.

When Keiko didn’t reply right away, he continued on, that smug look from earlier returning to his face, “that’s good, I’m glad. I thought I almost lost you there for a moment. As I said the other night, your boyfriend is still a Kira suspect. I know you hold strong feelings for him, but you cannot forget that fact. After all...”

L stepped a little closer to Keiko, their faces now only inches apart from each other. He leaned forward, close to her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath as he spoke, “it’d be a shame if you were to get hurt, Keiko-chan…”

Keiko shivered as L pulled away from her, a smirk on his face. She then swallowed hard, hoping he hadn’t seen it, as she didn’t want him to know the kind of hypnotizing effect he was having on her.

“Ryuzaki-san...if you’re worried about me, don’t be. I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine,” she responded, trying to keep herself as calm as possible as she walked towards the door of the hotel room.

W-what’s gotten into him..? I spoke too soon earlier...he’s acting weird again...this...this definitely isn’t normal...is it because he suspects Light even more now? He’s trying to get inside my head because of it, isn’t he? Well, if that’s the case, unfortunately it’s working...he’s clearly succeeded.

“Heh, who said I was worried?” Keiko heard L reply right before she exited, “it’s just a friendly warning. As I said before...please don’t be fooled, Kagami-san…because...I have a feeling that things are about to get...even more interesting.”

Misa’s POV:

“Where are you going?” Rem asked, trailing behind the blonde haired girl as she walked down the empty sidewalk towards a group of houses. Each one of them had a fancy-looking gate in front, indicating to her that Light lived in a neighborhood that was pretty well off.

Misa glanced behind her, a playful smile on her face as she replied, “isn’t it obvious? I’m going to introduce myself.”

She stopped in front of the final gated house on the street, looking once more at the address written down on the piece of paper in her hand.

Yes, this is it...which means...now it’s showtime! You can do it, Misa Misa! You can win over Light Yagami...Kira…!

Misa took a step forward, a confident look on her face, and rang the doorbell.

And now I wait...

She didn’t have to wait very long. A moment later, a girl wearing a middle school uniform, whom Misa assumed was Light’s little sister, Sayu, opened the door for her. When she saw Misa standing there, her eyebrows shot up in confusion.

“H-huh? You’re not Light’s girlfriend…” the girl commented, “uh...h-how may I help you?”

At the mention of Keiko, Misa had to bite her tongue to fight off a rude remark. She was much prettier, and way better, more useful, than Keiko. That much she was certain.

I’m not his girlfriend...not yet, at least. I will be replacing Keiko soon though, very very soon….

“Hello and good evening,” Misa started, giving Light’s little sister a kind smile. It was the one she used on her fans. She was sure it would work on her, it was worth a shot at least, “my name is Misa Amane. I just came by to give your brother an important notebook that he left in one of our classes at school today.”

“Uh, I see...could you please wait a moment?” Sayu responded, and she sped off, leaving the front door cracked open a bit.

Misa could hear as she ran upstairs, presumably towards Light’s room, and rather loudly announced, “Liiiighhht! There’s a girl downstairs saying that she needs to return a notebook to you! She said she’s in one of your classes and she’s pretty cute too...so you need to explain yourself, Light! If you’re cheating on Keiko-chan with the girl downstairs why I-I...I’ll never forgive you!”

“W-what?! Who? Explain what? Sayu-chan, please stop jumping to irrational conclusions…” Misa could hear Light’s voice, and detected his confusion as he walked downstairs with his little sister trailing not far behind him.

When the two of them were downstairs, Sayu swung the door open, revealing the girl in the gothic style dress.

His eyes narrowed a little as soon as he finally saw Misa standing awkwardly outside. Misa could tell that Light had somewhat of an inkling of why she was there wanting to meet him, “Sayu-chan, could you please give us a moment alone?”

“Why, so you can let her seduce you to cheat on Keiko-chan? I mean, look at what she’s wearing!” Sayu accused, not even bothering to hide her suspiciousness as she crossed her arms.

Misa kept up her poker face rather well, although she was a little more than annoyed that Light’s little sister already didn’t trust her or want Light to have anything to do with her.

“No, Sayu-chan, it’s not like that…” Light attempted to push his little sister out of the way. When she didn’t budge he added, “I promise. I told you already, stop jumping to conclusions, now go away…”

With that, Sayu Yagami walked away, but she cast a final, wary glance at Misa before doing so. “That’s what the guys in the dramas on T.V. all say when another girl pops into their life...then they cheat,” she grumbled as she stalked off, “I don’t want my older brother to be like them…”

Light sighed a little, and he stepped outside, closing the door behind him as he did so, “sorry about my little sister...she can be a little...dramatic. Anyway, who are you and why are you here exactly?”

Time to work my magic!

Misa flashed a coy smile at Light. “I think you already know...I’m very pleased to finally meet you, Light Yagami...I’m Misa Amane. I thought you might get worried if you saw that message on T.V….” she trailed off, and started to reach into her bag, pulling out the death note, “I just couldn’t take it anymore! So, I brought you this notebook!”

Light’s POV:

No way...she has a Death Note! Could this girl actually be…?

He took another step forward, and lightly touched the notebook that she was holding. When he looked up again, he could see her shinigami. He saw that she had a white, skeletal appearance, and one of her eyes was covered up.

A shinigami! There’s no mistaking it now; she’s the fake Kira!

He took another good look at Misa Amane, “for now, please put the notebook back in your bag. We’ll talk in my room, where no one else can bother us, if that’s alright with you.”

Misa nodded, shoving the notebook back into her bag, a faraway look on her face, “alone in Kira’s room? Heheh, wow, it’s a dream come true.”

Light fought off the urge to roll his eyes and opened the front door for her, “please, come inside…”

As soon as Sayu heard the door rustling, she jumped off of her spot on the couch. This time, his mother was next to her, also walking towards the door, a curious expression on her face. Meanwhile, Sayu still sported the same sour look she had just a couple minutes ago.

“Mom, Sayu-chan, this is Misa Amane. She’s a classmate from school...she came all this way to return a notebook I accidentally left in class the other day,” Light started.

He gave a little shrug as he continued on, “so...I figured the least I could do to repay her kindness is help tutor her because, admittedly, she isn’t doing too well in the class we're in.”

“O-oh, I see,” his mother commented, “well, in that case...please make yourself at home.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Yagami,” Misa replied, bowing her head a little as she walked past her, “and thank you, Light-kun, for offering to help tutor me.”

“It’s no problem,” Light responded, motioning for Misa to follow him up the stairs.

“That better be all you two are doing. If there’s anything suspicious, I’m telling!” Sayu called out after the two of them.

“Sayu-chan! Don’t be rude,” Light heard his mother scolding her. He took a deep breath as he opened up his door for Misa, following her as he stepped inside.

“Have a seat,” he gestured at the empty chair sitting in front of his desk.

He watched carefully as Misa sat down, and he took a seat on his bed across from her.

Well...this certainly is interesting... I never imagined that the Second Kira would be someone like her...

There was a moment of silence before Light asked, “so...Misa Amane...how exactly did you manage to find me?”

“Aha!” Misa announced. “I knew it; you don’t have the eyes! You see, when you have the shinigami eyes like I do, you can see most people’s name and life span above their head. However, you can’t see the life span of any person who possesses a death note…”

Upon hearing this, Light’s eyebrows rose slightly. He gave an irritated sigh, and then proceeded to cast a death glare in Ryuk’s direction.

The shinigami, however, appeared to look just as shocked as Light was. “Wow...no kidding,” he murmured, “I have to admit, even I wasn’t aware of that little detail.”

Light focused his attention back onto Misa, there was a hard look in his eyes, “I see, that makes sense...well, you found me alright...although, you were careless. What if you had been caught by the police? Then they’d know everything about Kira.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. As you can clearly see, the police didn’t catch me,” Misa responded. “...and if I do as you say from now on they’ll never be able to. So we’re safe...and after all, don’t you need someone to see L’s name? If you want...I could be your eyes. However, there’s one condition that I have…” Misa trailed off, that faraway look returning in her eyes as she played with a loose strand of her hair.

“And...” Light prompted her, “what would that be?”

Misa focused her attention on Light, her eyes shining with determination as she announced, “it doesn’t have to be right this second...but sometime soon, very soon, preferably...would you please make me your girlfriend?!”

Light let out a small gasp and shifted a little on the bed. Out of all the possible requests he could think of, he hadn’t expected that to come out of her mouth.

“G-girlfriend?” Light stuttered out, and then he quickly composed himself. “Amane-san-”

“P-please, Light-kun,” Misa interrupted him, “I know you’re currently in a relationship with another girl, Keiko Kagami, but it’d be easy for you to break up with her I’m sure. Don’t worry about missing her, I know that with time, I can make you genuinely fall for me...after all, I’m so much more useful than she is.”

Behind him, Light could hear Ryuk laughing, “oh boy...however, she does have a point though, her shinigami eyes would make her useful...how are you going to get out of this one, Light? Who will you choose?”

Dammit! Out of anything she could have asked for, why did it have to be this?! There’s no way I could break up with Keiko, not without making myself appear more suspicious to L and the rest of the Task Force....also, in a weird way, I don’t really want to break up wi-! No, no, Light stop thinking like that! You’re wrong! You could easily break up with her if you wanted to, you’re a God! No, the only reason you don’t want to is because she’s too connected with the investigation, not because you like her. You can’t like her, otherwise you’d become weak! Gods aren’t weak. Besides, having feelings for her would be crazy! She’s working with the detective that wants to capture you once and for all!

“I’m afraid I don’t like competition,” Misa added after a moment when Light didn’t respond right away, “...so if you don’t break up with her soon then perhaps I’ll just have to get rid of her myself.”

“No, don’t! If you kill her, then you’ll screw everything up!” Light snapped loudly. He sighed, and breathed in a slow, heavy breath in an attempt to regain his composure, “listen, I’m afraid I can’t break up with Keiko…”

Misa stood up, taking a couple steps forward until she was right in front of Light.

“Okay, fine, maybe killing her is a bit extreme but breaking up with her...it’s not that hard...why can’t you just do that for me, why not?” she pouted, using her puppy dog eyes. She didn’t seem to understand that looking innocent wouldn’t work on Light Yagami.

Somehow, I have to try and make this girl understand...

“Look, first of all...the day that we were in Aoyama there were three times the number of surveillance cameras around. Anyone who was in Aoyama that day would have definitely been caught on camera, and that includes me...secondly, if I were to break up with Keiko only to be seen with you directly after then it wouldn’t look very good. In fact, even being here right now is a problem, and it appears that my little sister is already suspicious of our relationship...I wish you’d understand that,” Light tartily replied, looking up at Misa.

Misa sighed a little and reached behind her for her bag. She retrieved a couple pictures and sat down next to Light on the bed, handing the photographs over to him, “but look. When I was in Aoyama I had on a wig, colored contacts, and glasses. So we shouldn’t have a problem in that regard. As for your little sister, I’m sure that I could get her to like me eventually, after all, I’m told that I have quite the sparkling personality…”

“Wow, hyuk hyuk… so what now? I’m definitely sure that no one would be able to recognize her like this,” Ryuk commented.

Misa continued on, “and as for the video tapes that got sent over to Sakura T.V….I never laid a finger on them, so there is no trace of my fingerprints. Up until recently, I lived in the Kansai region of Japan and I had a friend there who was really into the occult. I suggested that we should distribute some fake poltergeist videos I had made to a bunch of T.V. shows, sort of as a prank, and she agreed to help me. I had her take care of all of the dubbing so my fingerprints wouldn’t be on the tapes...then I took them from her, added the Kira graphic, and recorded my messages with that voice effect...anyway, if you want me to kill my friend for you, just to be extra cautious, then I will!”

She looked over at Light, attempting to gauge his reaction,“so you see, there should be no other reason for you to turn me down...and if you really still can’t trust me...then you can hold onto my death note, but you would just be holding it, so that I would still be the rightful owner and keep the shinigami eyes.  That way, I will still be of use to you...there, that should eliminate any other doubts that you may have about me, right? Also I promise you; I’m not hiding any pages of the death note, you can search me and my apartment, if needed...”

While I have to admit, that’s pretty impressive coming from a simpleton like her, there’s still another thing bothering me...

“Why are you willing to go this far…?” Light questioned her.

“Wahh! Why are you still so suspicious of me?!” Misa cried out, and she got up from her spot on the bed, collapsing on the floor in front of him. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes as she spoke, “exactly one year ago, my parents were killed by a robber who had broken into the house. I was home with them at the time...it actually happened right in front of me. I wanted that man to pay for what he did, but the trial dragged on forever and opinions started surfacing that he was being falsely accused...then it happened. Kira punished him for what he did to my parents. And that’s why Kira means everything to me! All I wanted was a chance to meet you one day, so I could thank you properly…”

So all of these irrational moves...they were just a means for her to meet Kira...to meet me. She has promised to obey me from now on...but I still cannot accept her condition...however, I still really need to use her. There has to be a way to use her without breaking up with Keiko. I just have to find it, I have to find another way to make Misa happy, so I can still make use of her powers...looks like I will have to make a compromise of sorts...unfortunately in the process, I might have to reveal more information than I want to, just to make this girl understand...oh well, in the end, it’ll be worth it. I just have to get this girl to do what I want her to do...

Light groaned for added effect. It looked like he would have to work his charm extra hard with her, “look...Misa-chan...I admit that you’re beautiful, and you would be very useful to me...but unfortunately, I still cannot break up with my girlfriend for you. You are right, though, all my doubts of you are eliminated...and I would love to have you by my side with me...however...truthfully, there’s one more reason in particular why I cannot accept the condition of your offer, and it has nothing to do with you; I assure you, you’re not the issue here…”

In actuality, you are the issue here, but I can’t tell you that...

Misa slowly looked up at him, her eyes full of curiousness and disappointment, “why is that, Light-kun? What’s the issue?”

He ran a hand through his hair, “I probably shouldn’t say too much but...L is already quite suspicious of me. He contacted me personally. If I make one mistake then we can both be easily be caught by him. It’s even worse because...it’s not just L that’s suspicious of me. You see, L also reached out to my girlfriend. He met up with her and explained why he suspected me, and recruited her to help him and the rest of the police working with him to spy on me.”

Misa’s eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets, “w-what?! You can’t be serious, that’s insane! L already suspects you that much that he got your girlfriend on board with investigating you?!”

“I’m afraid I’m dead serious,” Light responded, sitting on the floor next to Misa, “that’s why I can’t break up with Keiko-chan for you, it’ll look too suspicious. L will just suspect you of being the Second Kira right away, and that can’t happen. We’d be playing right into his hands.”

Light heard as Misa let out a deep sigh, “I-I see...giving up on something I want isn’t something I normally do, but for you, I just might be able to. After all, I only want to be useful to you...but even if I can’t be your girlfriend in particular right away, I still want spend time with you...”

He watched as she pouted a little, puffing out her cheeks.

“I thought about that already...as long as you promise not to be suspicious, then we can be friends. However, it would look a little weird if all the sudden I started hanging out with another girl, even just as a friend, it has to look natural...how about we can meet somewhere by chance, or something else to that extent, and from there we start to become friends? However, my girlfriend has to be around when we ‘first meet’ as well, that way she can personally confirm that we aren’t suspicious...”

Misa squealed beside him, “Oh, Light-kun, your plan is perfect! That way, I can still see you and nobody will suspect a thing, not even your girlfriend!”

Heh, it looks like I got her...now to sweeten the deal, to add more of an incentive...

“Exactly,” Light smirked, “as for your desire to become my girlfriend...well, if you were serious about your ability to make someone fall for you, then prove it by making me fall for you. If you can successfully make me fall for you, then I will break up with Keiko-chan.”

I doubt you’d actually make me fall for you, so there’s no actual chance of me doing that. I can’t fall for anyone, not even Keiko, despite how much we’re alike or how good she smells...I cannot and will not allow myself to do such a thing. Love makes people weak, and weak people get caught. Therefore, I can’t afford to have any weaknesses...but Misa doesn’t have to know that...

At that, Misa leaned closer to Light and wrapped her arms around his neck, “oh my God! Are you serious?! So I still have a chance with you?! This is the happiest day of my life! Light Yagami, mark my words, I will become your eyes, and I will make you fall in love with me!”

Light smirked, letting the girl hug him.

I’ve got her right where I want her…

Misa continued on, “in return for your kindness, would you like to know how to kill a shinigami?”

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Eighteen

[deepstheeskimo]

White noise

There is an old Russian proverb about thinking seven times and cutting just once. There is also a much more modern proverb about people that use proverbs in everyday conversation but bear with me.

Thinking seven times and cutting once refers to considered planning and careful action in carpentry or needlework. No bugger wants a dress with a stitched up arm hole or a door without a handle so you take in all the evidence and potential consequences. Online though it seems that people are happy to quickly gather up their door handles, fork handles, love handles and social media handles and jump on into action without any thought – it’ll be alright on the night. 

We have a culture of sad young people, brought up not having to do anything. Parents shovelled a diet of Cookie Crisp, Captain Birdseye and Dairylea Dunkers. Whatever was on the curriculum was irrelevant because 80% of kids were pissing about with ‘turn to page 56’ gags or playing with Bunsen burners. 

The slave trade was part of the curriculum and you could have learnt ‘how to pay tax’ but nobody made you. Both STEM and essay subjects passed you by because you slept at the back of Travel and Tourism and spent evenings playing Spyro. Considering their mealtimes were empty chaired for years, it’s amazing that parents ever waded into battle for kids when Jamie Oliver and New Labour tried to raise the bar of school dinners to something above the level of pouring vegetable oil and pigswill straight into a trough.

We have a culture of sad young people that are pretending to be happy. In a few years we will have a fuck load of good film and TV because this lot are already used to starring in their own online sitcom. It’s a high fructose, high-ego happy go lucky hamster wheel powered by double taps and blue light. The hills have eyes. The fucking eyes have hills. 

The vast majority of it produces nothing of worth. Instead of a considered proverb, scrolling down any feed can more likely produce seven lies easily exposed with a single cutting question. If there is no substance to what you are saying, you are just mouth breathing a collection of guttural sounds. Bella off the Sims can do better than that. For example:

“Influencer” too now is it? Last week it was apparently just modelling that was deemed a big enough income stream to make it to the bio. That was just an impressive sideline, it turns out. My money is that before next week’s update, the intervening seven days witness you completing a two year course in Beauty Therapy. It’s pretty much the same thing as just plugging out the characters in Roboto. I’m not buying it, just like I didn’t buy that weird drink you were flogging.

Next app, first item. No, you didn’t buy a 200 grand house at 18 and aren’t-I-so-proud-posing-outside-with-high-waist-jeans-to-hide-a-muffin-top. You and your partner, on the shoulders of the State have a shared ownership flat. You do two days at college a week and work weekends at New Look. Your partner’s an apprentice electrician. It is meaningful and brilliant that you have managed to cobble together £10k between you. It’s probably more meaningful (brilliance arguable) that banks and the State have provided the other 90% of the credit to give you this chance in life. Nobody is expecting you to have three kids and a dog just yet, Abi.

It’s Thursday night in May 2020. Toot toot. We are all so damn proud of OUR NHS. Ok it’s 20:03, back to Tiger King. Wait, here’s a story that seems touching, someone that works for the NHS and has felt the support deeply “here on the front line seeing the patients with the virus is so scary”. Uh oh, here comes Mark Wright with some novelty ribbon-snipping scissors to cut out your bullshit. Touched that deeply after being there one day, as a receptionist. In the regional head office of a private healthcare firm? Just admit that you only care since COVID-19 meant it got likes. 

Someone else drawling on about COVID-19: “yeah man Brad and I actually reckon we had it so like…”, another one bimbling in the light blue comments about “well I did feel EXTREMELY unwell in late December” and a third prancing on Instagram talking about their “home quarantine and recovery” someone get them all COVID-19 test kits, then they’ll hear the director’s cut. If you do not have anything to add, just be quiet.

Some audio now and a nice break from all the Corona Content. Interesting that closing all of the venues hasn’t seemed to impact your, ahem, business at all. Perhaps I am being harsh though and you are just starting out. Trouble is that I’ve slept under plenty more breeze block palisades than you ever have. Being bought a deck and an amp gives you a hobby, not a fledgling MC career. Might well be “tuff out ‘ere” but that should be “tough out e-yuh” Less Run-DMC, more Run-DE7.

Be careful with it people because as well as being transparent, one minute you can be pretending to be in seventh heaven and the next you’re about to take the most serious final cut yourself. My hamster wheel ran that course before.

Oh and by the way Abi, before you grab your door handle. Kieron’s company has had to cease trade. And he cheated on you on that ‘lads weekend’ in Prague.

[sinesalvatorem]

I was just thinking more about Sam[]zdat’s review and, actually, there’s another quote that seems more valuable. One about how even we today can fail to understand other people’s knowledge of their own conditions, just because half of what they say is actually flatly wrong:

In the [cool kids scene] of the 2000’s, opposition to Christianity was a given. No subject was more likely to unite than a good old bashing of fundamentalists. Marxists, Anarchists, Libertarians, Liberals, Randians – it crossed political borders. (I’m from California, if that helps.)

It was hard not to – it’s not like the fundies had any coherent reasons they could articulate. Every other day some [class indicator] pastor would announce opposition to “the gay agenda” or seek to return to “a Christian nation” as though that were a desirable thing that had ever existed (like, deism duh, etc.). If that wasn’t bad enough, when pressed for an explanation, they’d just read some passage from John or Corinthians. “And? Was that all?” Readers take note: if someone is busy mocking you for your holy book, justifying your actions based on your holy book is a terrible rhetorical strategy.

Standard interpretation: “The olds are lamenting the loss of an oppressive institution that has no objective value, right?” Right?

So this is what churches do in our language: they’re probably the single most important economic institution in rural America. Period.

Here are some obvious economic effects: Nearly every church functions as a community safety net, where tithes collected are distributed to poor members or members experiencing sudden economic shock (disemployment, medical issues, etc.). Depending on the church, this is actually a lot more immediate and a lot larger than government distributions that approximate the same thing. They also function as labor banks, wherein members help one another with projects that they could otherwise not afford (think of home improvement projects coordinated through the church, wherein one can afford to repaint their house or call on the labor expertise of a fellow congregation members [say a plumber] to perform a simple  but otherwise costly repair). Hell, one of the biggest things they do is something almost no one seems to think about: most churches provide free after school programs for poor congregation members, which is a humongous cost for parents. “Big deal.” Yeah, but the cost of childcare is actually fucking enormous.

Note that most of those are vastly more important for the old and the retired (“it’s just the olds complaining!”), both in terms of cost (local members helping for free) and autonomy (one is less likely to have to enter the anonymity of a retirement home, etc. if community members are there to help).

Churches have many more nebulous effects that are even larger: they improve social trust, which has a stupidly powerful economic effect. They provide local networking effects, allowing members to find new jobs and move up using church connections. Many studies relate churches to decreased violence and drug problem in communities (although I suspect this is confounded by social trust and the kinds of people who tend toward religiosity). A lot of these aren’t going to have great studies attached, because they’re under the radar and understudied. But want to see something that will knock your socks off?

Gruber’s results suggest a “very strong positive correlation” between religious market density, religious participation, and positive economic outcomes.” People living in an area with a higher density of co-religionists have higher incomes, they are less likely to be high school dropouts, and more likely to have a college degree.” Living in such an area also reduces the odds of receiving welfare, decreases the odds of being divorced, and increases the odds of being married. The effects can be substantial. Doubling the rate of religious attendance raises household income by 9.1 percent, decreases welfare participation by 16 percent from baseline rates, decreases the odds of being divorced by 4 percent, and increases the odds of being married by 4.4 percent.

Source, emphasis mine. Note the most important part of that: one has to live nearby other co-religionists for these effects. “The kids are turning to atheism/the Devil” is a sign that all the coreligionists are going away.

In other words, churches are a cornerstone of local economic activity but they have to be churches. You can replace a Widget Factory with a Zigdet Factory and it’ll be the same, but we have no idea how to replicate church attendance.

This has another effect: any attempt to “stop” these negative effects won’t work. They only work based on the logic of the community. Because metis is both the worldview and the action, undoing one messes with the other. You can literally see this happening right this very moment in the midwest: church attendance collapsing is deleting a lot of those benefits even while the government tries to fill the void. It doesn’t “work” in the same way, because a lot of those effects are based on shared culture and trust that a government agency just can’t replicate. They only come with a shared worldview.

In a weird way, maybe that welfare participation is the (attempted) replacement, but then it’s hard to square the simple economic replacement with this:

And, attending religious services weekly, rather than not at all, has the same effect on individuals’ reported happiness as moving from the bottom to the top quartile of the income distribution.

“Man, this sounds like something everyone should know!” I agree, but also HA! That will never happen. I know how to argue for cultural conservatives to my left-wing, coastal audience. But how do you think the average actual conservative argues for that? “Faith”, “family values”, “God”, i.e., irrationally.

I know this is hard, but imagine actually being a conservative Christian in a dying town. Everything I just described is going away, nothing seems able to replace it, and things are just getting worse. The most noticeable difference by far is going to be “cultural” – what language would you use? “Loss of faith and family” is actually pretty apt. Let’s say that their arguments are identical to mine, just shrouded in local language. Fine – all that means is that In the final analysis, the conservative christian recognizes that they’re being deprived even of the power to complain, which is to say, even of the power to explain their powerlessness.

VII

“Ew. Are you saying-”

No, I’m not saying that the government is oppressing American Christians. That’s stupid. They lost the culture war, but no one is tearing up their actual communities. There’s a broader social pressure now that has, well, social effects. I do think that two hundred years from now when we have a better handle on psychology and economics everyone is going to look back at this time with total confusion. Like – how did no one notice? Didn’t you see this economic and social collapse? They were even yelling at you about it! We will confidently aver: “Yes, but when they were yelling they had the impertinence to quote the Bible, and so we knew that they were wrong.” And the person from the future will, quite reasonably, call us complete fucking twats.

[lukes-writing]

Chapter 11: The Weakest Link

Project introduction | Previous chapter | Next chapter

Word count: 2800 Warnings: Profanity

September 24th, 6:13 PM, Trinity Gate inhuman enclave

Close to the Pit, there is a small general store run by a Gillscaly. The fishman greets Wiccan with respect in his croaky voice. Then he also politely greets Ophelia and the whole Team Dreamcatcher. This time, Whisper doesn’t make any faux pas since she still shakes after the Shrieker attack.

“Need to go home, Mr. Wiccan?” the Gillscaly asks him.

“Yeah, I’m initiating new recruits and it went a bit wrong,” Wiccan smiles. “They need some rest.”

The group walks to the store’s warehouse. One of the huge inhumans with tusks, who are apparently called Ettins, is moving the crates with goods and arranging the products into the shelves. He also greets Wiccan and the rest of the team, then moves out of the way to give them access to the warehouse.

Behind the crates, there is a metal door that looks rather unbecoming in the store’s settings. And there’s a reason behind it. Wiccan scans his ID card by putting it on a red sensor next to the door. The gate opens and leads the team to a place that vaguely resembles a small subway station. As soon as they step inside, the door closes and the strip light above their heads starts to emit a warm light.

“Remember when I told you there’s a way to get from the enclave straight to the headquarters?” Wiccan tells them, his voice echoing through the small space. “This is it.”

Whisper’s innate curiosity smothered the shock she went through. She starts examining the room even though there’s not much to see except a small platform, a tunnel leading into darkness and a lever which Wiccan pulls. After a few minutes, they hear a humming sound coming from the tunnel.

Finally, a train arrives. Well, calling it a train would be exaggerating. It looks more like a gray capsule with a sliding door. The team gets inside. There is space for about a dozen people and another strip light illuminates the space. There’s nothing inside but seats and a computer screen in the front.

Parker takes a seat while still rubbing the injured hand. “This is actually pretty cool.”

The capsule closes and starts to move with a faint hissing sound. The journey takes just a few minutes. When the hatch opens again, they find themselves on almost identical platform. And from there, they can get to the conference room.

First of all, Ophelia cleans and bandages Parker’s wound. The man squirms and complains like a kid.

“No need to play a hero,” Ophelia scolds him.

In the meantime, Wiccan prepares coffee for Sienna and a cup of hot green tea for Whisper. The older girl finishes the coffee at superhuman speed and asks for another cup. Whisper is holding her mug in her shaky hands, taking one short sip after another.

“Still fresh?” Wiccan asks her. There’s no frustration or anger in his voice, just almost fatherly care.

“I’m sorry, uncle Wiccan,” the girl says, her voice slightly more than a whisper. “I must have disappointed you so much. But seeing these creatures… pointing a gun at me… I guess I’m not good for this job at all. I guess you should find someone more competent.”

Wiccan sighs. “Whisper, my dear girl, I hope you understand I can’t tell you that you were doing good. I never lie to people, the less the people close to me. But also, let’s keep in mind this was your first encounter with unfriendly inhumans. Take a short rest, then we can talk about it.”

After a while, the events from the past hour finally start to sink in. Even Whisper feels better, even though she still seems upset about the way things went. She disappointed her uncle while Sienna became the hero. But it’s no wonder since Sienna is already better than her in every aspect.

More emotionally stable, more skilled, prettier, more popular. Even though Whisper enjoys her newly formed friendship with Sienna, she also feels a sting of envy.

Parker lights up a cigarette, Sienna sips on the third cup of coffee. How can she sleep at night with such caffeine income? Whisper wonders. The older girl seems calm once again. The moment of weakness she showed in the Pit faded away quickly.

Wiccan takes a sip from his own coffee - it’s just a light cappuccino, so different from the substance similar to a liquid black hole in Sienna’s cup. Whisper gives a little smile when she sees Wiccan still uses a mug with a hand-drawn picture of a dreamcatcher and From Whisper to my favorite uncle written in neat cursive. Whisper gifted him the mug for birthday when she was twelve.

“So, I guess it’s time to evaluate what happened,” the man fires off. “Not gonna lie, it wasn’t a textbook example of how should Enforcers in action act like. But we scared them off and left all in one piece, so I suppose that counts. Ach-khran’s group is just an inferior Shrieker gang, if we met a more dangerous one, for example Arr-kacht’s syndicate, we would be in bigger trouble.”

“So you’re telling us those things were actually pussies and fighting them off isn’t a big deal,” Parker states.

“Basically,” Wiccan sighs. “But still, you showed great ability to react to unexpected situations. To be honest, I had some doubts, but I saw that when the shit hits the fan, you’re able to cooperate and use your individual abilities to get out alive. Gary’s flies provided a perfect distraction and Parker proved he can serve as the team’s bruiser even though he could use a few hours in a gym. And finally, Sienna showed presence of mind which is essential for the team leader.”

Sienna opens her eyes wide. “Leader…? Me?”

Wiccan shrugs. “Who else?”

“Me, for example?” Kirlian speaks, still vesseled into the Transformer.

“You would be a logical choice,” Wiccan nods, “but I want to give leadership to someone from the new generation. After all, it will be her who is going to initiate the next team. Sure, also has also flaws, but out of these people, she has the best leadership skills. No offense to anyone.”

“Thank you,” Sienna blushes. “It’s… an honor for me.”

“Most of all, it’s a responsibility,” Ophelia says. “But you are able to handle it well, so I suppose Team Dreamcatcher is in good hands.”

Whisper has to hold back a scowl. She had no hopes of becoming a leader - and neither had Gary or Parker. But still, seeing Sienna happy about her sudden promotion triggers another burst of envy in Whisper. Sienna, the perfect Sienna, once again creaming off everything good.

Don’t think negative, she scolds herself. Relax. She deserves this position, so you should support her. You don’t even have leadership skills, not at all. And would you feel better if you served under Parker?

Wiccan keeps talking about the clash with the Shriekers, leaving off anything involving Whisper. The girl realizes he doesn’t want to bring up her failure to protect her feelings, but for some reason, it also makes her angry. She failed, and that’s a fact. There’s no need to beat about the bush.

“In the end, you all did a good job…” Wiccan says, and that’s where Whisper lashes out.

“Except me!” she screams. “All I did was crying and kneeling on the ground. Why don’t you say it? That I’m useless and I don’t deserve to be a part of this team?” Tears appear in her eyes again. “You know what? There’s no need for me to be here. Sienna is good enough to do work for two.”

She stands up and strides towards the elevator. She enters, slams the door shut and rides up to the chapel above them, leaving the rest of the team speechless.

“What’s her fucking problem?” Parker speaks after a while.

“That’s just… Whisper being Whisper,” Wiccan sighs. “She’s the kindest soul, but also overly sensitive and moody. I learned to give her space when it happens.”

“She was right when she said she didn’t do much today,” Ophelia continues. “The feeling of being a fifth wheel is one of the worst emotions. I know it very well. I was also the weakest link when Team Menhir was formed. She will have to find her worth.”

The group stays silent for a while. Sienna has a persistent feeling she was the one responsible for Whisper’s outburst, almost like her promotion to a team leader was the last straw for her. To drown out these thoughts, she starts to examine the pistol she took from the Shrieker and didn’t return.

“What a weird gun,” she mutters. “Almost like it was made for these bird freaks.”

“You’re right,” Wiccan replies. “This is Privet C-86 9mm, the most common handgun Shriekers use. It’s designed to fit into their claws which are built differently than a human hand. You can either sell it back or keep it as a trophy, but I don’t recommend you to use it again. It’s not built for humans.”

“Looks like these fowls are quite a bunch of troublemakers, right?” Parker chuckles.

Wiccan nods. “They are aggressive by nature, they often form gangs like the ones you’ve seen. Most of them live in the Pit, although there are exceptions. There are even Enforcer teams which have Shriekers as members, like in Chicago, Columbia and Warsaw.”

They try to hold the conversation for a while longer, but everyone is too affected by Whisper’s outburst. In the end, they decide to take a day or two off and meet again some other time.

“I recommend you to study both the Enforcer Codex and the Guide to Inhumans,” Wiccan tells them before they leave. “They are the most important scripts for every Enforcer and should acquaint you with the basics.” He looks at his wife. “Some overachievers even have it memorized. But even though these files are important, they can never replace actual experience. They are just a theory.”

“Well, it seems that experience can get pretty messy,” Parker says.

“It can and it will,” Ophelia replies. “Better be prepared for everything. Knowing the strengths and weaknesses of every inhuman race is essential to our job. Sometimes they’re rather obscure and it took eternity to figure them out, for example one rare race of inhumans is immaterial and only becomes vulnerable when exposed to a certain sound frequency.”

“Cool, cool,” Parker rolls his eyes. “I think I had enough inhumans for today. Bye.”

The rest of the team shares his opinion, even though nobody says it out loud. They all leave the headquarters, even Wiccan and Ophelia who have their own small house in the Great Moors district. Kirlian lives in them, even though his family is accommodated in the enclave. The family bonds of Ideans don’t tend to be too strong.

September 24th, 6:49 PM, Great Moors district, Trinity Gate

As soon as Whisper enters the family mansion, their three dogs rush to greet her. The girl cuddles with them for a moment; it helps her to relieve the stress. It seems that the canines like Whisper the most since their reaction to other family members is about half as strong.

After a moment, Gandalf, the huge wolfhound, smells something and steps back. The other two dogs do the same. Whisper realizes that the smell of Shriekers must have clung to her clothes and it’s a smell the dogs haven’t smelled before.

“I guess I should take a shower, then I’ll get back to you,” the girl mumbles and walks through the atrium. When she enters the entry hall, she notices Knight, her brother, getting ready to go out. He’s dressed in a suit and shiny loafer - probably a dinner with a business partner.

“Oh, hi, Johanna,” he greets her without taking his eyes off the wristwatches in his hand, deciding which ones he should wear. He addresses his sisters with their second names, Johanna and Camilla, since he’s not really fond of the fancy names their parents picked. The man himself prefers to be called Edward or Eddie.

Unlike his sisters, Knight has dark hair, always perfectly trimmed. His face is always clean shaved and he wears eyeglasses. He’s rather attractive despite his slight overweight.

“Hey,” Whisper replies and strides towards the staircase leading to her room.

Surprised by her curt reply, Knight finally looks at her. “You seem troubled, Johanna,” he claims. “Where’s the problem? Did you break up with a guy? Or with a girl?” he quickly corrects himself. Fortunately, Whisper’s family isn’t conservative enough to judge its youngest member for her open bisexuality.

“It’s nothing,” Whisper shrugs it off.

“You can tell me everything, sis,” Knight gives her a warm smile. Even though he’s a workaholic by nature, he can also be kind and encouraging. “So, what’s the truth?”

“Alright,” Whisper says. “I got accepted into a top secret team of law enforcement for supernatural beings. The team got in trouble today when we got surrounded by a flock of weird human-bird creatures. And I’m upset now because I was the most useless. All I could do was to take cover and cry.”

Knight lets out a hearty laugh, then pats Whisper’s back. “Sis, you really do need to read less,” he states and once again checks himself in the mirror. “Okay, I understand you’re not in a talkative mood right now, but maybe you will change your mind tomorrow.”

If you only knew, Whisper thinks. She’s not sure if she didn’t break some sacred rule of The Society, but it was worth it. Her skeptical brother will never find out.

In her room, after the shower, she begins a meditation session. She didn’t even bother to get dressed. There’s still half of a joint waiting for her on her bedside table, but she decides not to smoke it. According to her experience, marijuana deepens her bad mood if she smokes while feeling blue. She smokes it only when relaxed or euphoric. It also helps her settle thoughts.

The main question is: should she stay in the team after today’s fiasco? What if she starts to panic every time they get into a dangerous situation?

Her meditation is interrupted by her computer announcing an incoming video call. She automatically grabs the mouse to pick it up, then she realizes she’s naked and puts on the closest thing in reach - a short white nightgown. She puts it on and accepts the call from Wiccan.

The man’s face appears on the screen, as clearly as he was in the room in person - the high-speed internet connection is one of the benefits of being a child of Archer and Gutenberg. “Hey, Whisper,” he says. “I hope you don’t mind me calling. I just didn’t want you to go to sleep upset.”

“I know what are you going to say,” Whisper sighs. “That today means nothing, I’m still in training, that I shouldn’t be upset about it. I know, I know. I just… it’s hard when you make yourself look like an idiot in front of people you’re supposed to cooperate with.”

“That’s not really what I wanted to say,” Wiccan replies. Behind his face, Whisper sees a part of the living room in the man’s house; it’s nowhere as modern as the house of his brother. Even though the Archer-Gutenberg mansion appears beautiful on the outside, Whisper has always found its interior a little too sterile. “Do you remember why did I recruit you into the team?”

“Because I’m capable of astral travel…?”

“Precisely. And do you feel it is an ability suitable for direct combat?”

Whisper squirms. “Uhm… I’d say not really.”

“And that’s it. You staying away from dangerous battles and trying to save your ass isn’t cowardice, it’s a goddamn common sense. Direct combat is not your scope of activity. For that, we have Parker, who is a hand-to-hand brawler, and Sienna, efficient in long-range combat. Your personality traits and your special ability were carefully chosen to serve different purposes.”

“Which purposes?” the girl asks, slightly cheered up, but not entirely convinced yet.

“You are curious, with a great eye for details, and naturally empathetic. Combined with your astral traveling, it makes you perfect for gathering information, sensing danger and even acting as a spy, depending on the situation. We didn’t recruit you as a fighter, so don’t feel bad if you don’t act like one.”

“I… I guess you’re right,” Whisper blushes. “Thanks, uncle.”

“Glad to serve,” Wiccan smiles at his niece. “Now I will leave you alone and let you think about your decision to quit working for The Society.”

However, Whisper is decided about this topic even before Wiccan ends the call.

 Author’s Note

Congratulations, you’ve just managed to sit through the introduction phase! This is the end of the beginning, the real fun starts with the next chapter!

As always, I wholeheartedly thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and if you did, please leave a comment, send me a message or share and let more people know about this story! You can also consider a small donation at www.paypal.me/lukassladky. Have a great day and stay tuned for the next chapter!