#Yaknow??? I think about. I think about it a lot.
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Do you think there was ever a moment post-canon where the party looked over at Siffrin and went, "this fucker met god and is a wishcraft user, what the fuck" like not even in a let's all come to terms with Siffrin's mental illnesses and disorders moment but in a holy shit our bestie is literally so fucking strong and cool what the fuck am I doing with my life??? Like sure the trauma and awfulness of how that happened, but I think I'd be a lil in awe of my buddies capabilities if they did that for me.
#Isat#Isat spoilers#Isat Siffrin#Its the deep dark need of being wanted to the point the other has broken the world for you#To know that you are loved wholy and fully by a being capable of destroying the world for you#Isnt that amazing? Isn't it awful? Don't you feel sick for getting joy from that?#I dunno I think about the rather dark feelings that comes after all this that no one wants to acknowledge#Because it means also thinking of their pain as a showing of love that you liked. How awful. How wrong of you#Yaknow??? I think about. I think about it a lot.#This is also all in the tags because it's feels... Important but not in the same way as the post. The vibes are different
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chapter 168 page 5
#beastars#melon beastars#beastars melon#melon#chapter 168#literally love this btw i love that they can legally eat bugs#i think about the anteater counting as an herbivore but yaknow. eating ants. a lot#antshakes!
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idc soldier fanart for the random shit i made up about him
basically to summarize I think Soldier had a kind of terrible family growing up and it + several undiagnosed/ignored conditions he ended up spiraling and getting sent to an asylum. He escaped and killed one of the doctors who was abusing him though. Anyways from there methinks he goes on to become the bloodthirsty dude he is and he went on a killing spree until the government caught him and gave him to TF2.
And that's how he became le epic soldier of tf2
#kind of nervous to share my headcanons cause theyre kinda personal to me#I uh. project a lot onto this guy haha#To me Soldier is like a transmasc butch of some sort but I don't think he'd really care about labels. yaknow?#my art#tf2#soldier tf2#sidenote i need to draw soldier in other poses besides “standing staring straight forward”#gore#blood
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my kingdom for the fortitude to respond to the things i really, really need to respond to this weekend. or tomorrow. tomorrow would be nice.
it's not a big kingdom and u can't have the cats, but. yaknow.
#like iykyk hfladkjfadlsk ONE PERSON SPECIFICALLY i'm sure u know who you are ily i'm sorry i'm such a dick#trying really hard to pull my head out of my ass and function this weekend but i have been so chaotic for.... months.#and it's not really better but i think my uh guilt complex has finally kicked into solve problems drive#so.#for whatever that's worth. problem for tomorrow me 'cause today me is already like six hours past when she should have slept.#anyway not looking at your email or your notifications in... lots of places? not great. and then forgetting about them consistently worse.#this is the part in the game where i would give up and start over but. yaknow.#'you can always start over!'#sure u can bud.#sure you can.
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twirls my hair absentmindedly.... i know i say i'll use this character and that character as my commander but making one is genuinely so hard for me! U_U each time i think i got something figured out i end up going to another character or idea.. its a bit fustrating...
#rambling#gw2#guild wars 2#i'd like to have just One Little Guy i can focus on for the story but there are so many possibilities and routes#and sure i can make alternative commanders but like#yaknow. choice paralysis. /lh#i may try just brewing ideas and throwing them at the wall to see what sticks! U_U#maybe i just need to figure out how i'd personally like to go about the story from a literary perspective#because i've only gotten as far as lws4 before the demons got me again /j#idk! lots to think about....#this sorta is why i've been taking a small break from playing gw2 and playing some ff14 ...
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Bulk anon wannabe
I have unsurprising news
#does coming forward like this kind of defeat the purpose of the whole thing? well#flips around folding chair and sits in it backwards#allow me to be vulnerable for a moment#i know the anonymity of this thing was often interpreted as like#a selfless act#but thats a little silly to me! because i absolutely saw a lot of people saying nice things about me and it definitly did feed my ego#but also like#it was tied up in a lot of self hatred to be completely honest#in that#i really believed people wouldn't be being as nice to me#or wouldn't appreciate what I was doing#if i attached my face to it#just because at the time. I felt like my own identity in the ftc was something that carried so much baggage with it#but ive been talking about it a lot with my therapist#and i think i maybe do want my friends to know#and this community to know#how much i care about it#because i do. a whole lot#and maybe thats not such a bad thing#to be known#by friends and friends characters#yaknow#does that make sense?#not to get senstive in the tags of an anon. that was said kind of rudely tbh#but I've been looking for a way to say this#and i guess this is it#and yes i did send myself asks to keep my cover lol 3d chess heistboy strikes again#you'd never know if i didnt have an emotional revelation and want to come forward
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Something seriously lacking in my art is the ability to tell a story in a single illustration.
I've gotten so used to drawing my characters standing around doing random things that I've never practiced telling a full tale/putting implications into my pieces that require more thinking/looking.
It also comes from a lower amount of details in my works by default [since I like to get pieces done fast], but I'm tired of using that as an excuse.
#vent#kinda#sorry I'm just having a rough one tonight but I'll recover lmao#I think the AI art thing is really getting to me cuz like.#Anyone can make pretty images if they study and practice hard enough#[not to detract from people who don't tell stories with their images!]#but something in my brain wants to fight back because AI will never be able to Tell a Story through its images.#It can't make narrative choices through its regurgitation of random elements. It will never tell a cohesive and interesting tale through#detail choice#the worst it can do is create surface-level 'pretty' images by smashing together a bunch of mushed up information#but storytelling? that's human touch#that's intention. Thought. Choices.#and idk it's really bothering me lately that my images almost never... 'say' anything about a character.#this does not apply to anyone else's art I look at#it's just a standard I'm starting to feel my head apply to my own work and nobody else's.#which I'm taking as a sign that this is something I'm unsatisfied with#but the thought of starting to develop a completely new skill like that? terrifyingly daunting.#Sorry for the wall of tags I'm havin' some hella moodswings tonight#happens a lot when I get inspired by art I see#which I'm trying to work on but yaknow#it's a long process#anyways how's your night goin#I'm gonna cheer myself up by eating some amazing asparagus casserole
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What really stood out to me the most this time around was how Anakin was portrayed. I doubt this is what they were really going for, but I choose to believe that even in death he pretends the Clone Wars is still happening. He was a war hero, he was happy, despite the horrors happening around him. It's like he is happy to let the galaxy suffer if it means he can live in the past. He ignores what he became, and failed to recognize his mistakes.
His death in ROTJ and murder of Palpatine (ignoring what the sequels say) isn't what redeems him. Changing his ways and committing to a better mindset would help him become better. But, even in death, he romanticizes his 'glory days' and forces Ahsoka to relive it.
If you view the environment as Anakin's creation then the fogginess of it could imply he doesn't even consider the others around him, the whole world is focused on him in his eyes.
Of course at the end of that sequence it's implied it was a test and Anakin was just joshing around. But I like the idea that hes still the same insecure little egomaniac that he was in life. It's an interesting way to view him.
#im not what one would call anti anakin bc i dont like. hate anakins existence#but i dont think hes a good person and i dont think we should pretend he us#also do Not get me started on the lighting in the entire tcw segment it made me so mad#i get why theyd make it foggy and thats not the issue#they could have made it better yaknow#idk thats more of a nitpick. i used to volunteer for theater lightwork do its one of those weird things im odd about#ahsoka series spoilers#ahsoka series episode 5 spoilers#star wars#anakin skywalker#there's a lot more i could say about this ep but im gonna keep this post focused on this one part rn
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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I think Tom (and all his alts) strive for freedom…
OH ABSOLUTELY
I totally agree!! I think just like- the nature of Tom and his alts (who ofc meta wise were all written after him) is that they’re all dependent people of some kind, usually as the result of their circumstance of existence
Whether that be like in Tom's case because Dianite (or Mianite in Godswap, albiet different dynamic) is the one to grant him reanimated life, making him sort of indebted to him- or Cassell who isn't necessarily bound to his god moreso that he's bound to his creators (Flash and Ianite). Mot also sort of has that tether element to him because Dianite technically also saved his life from the creeper spore infection iirc but I think it makes the principle of freedom a little different to him esp. because it turned into like a business partners to unrequited crush to sorta lovers kinda thing depending on your post canon
All of this translates to me into their kind of devotion as champions, and again how that's like different from Ianitee flavored devotion (based on the guidance of Ianite and trusting in her judgement to lead them the right way so she can keep them safe), or Mianitee flavored devotion (Like knights to a king, similar to Ianitees follow orders for order, kind of follow his principles rather than specific instructions from him). Dianite being Dianite and the elements of chaos being how it is, Dianitee devotion is like being an extension of him, not via principles or guidance but by intent like being mercenaries in service of him while still being tethered in fear of punishment if its not done right. And maybe yknow they don't mind the implications that come with that title (Mot's case, for example) I think that's where that desire for freedom comes for- a want to have an existence that isn't tethered to their god
side note this could not apply as much to Dianite and Cass in Aitheaca because Dianite takes the Ianite role in terms of swapped god positions (and Cass runs off Dianite's guidance in the same way as Jordan would to Ianite) as Flash and Ianite are more similar to Tom and S1 Dia but bear with me xD
So kind of like extrapolating from that- their more specific desires for freedom are all sort of tied to Tom's need for spiritual freedom- I want to like refer to the whole thing of the Thauminomicon-y traits Marsh had mentioned before, and how Tom has 'fabrico', which stands for craft/repair. It connects in the sense of yeah he's a zombie he's stiched back together but. ok hear me out. Who would have stitched him back together? It was implied in an episode of Isles that c!Tom doesn't remember the Minecraft Project- (because they're memories he can't return to, just big empty void in his head), or when he was alive/ill from zombification, but he hadn't died yet. The person that arrives on Mianite with Tucker is that Tom, he is all that chaotic goofy Tom is, but at the same time he's partially someone else's creation, sewn together in intricate ways to be the bringer of chaos for the god he serves- but beyond that? His humanity. At his core, he's human, not someone who'll just take orders blindly and him striving for his freedom from that tether is refusing to deny the things that makes him alive. And I think the other alts like ya said follow suit, in Mot maintaining his humanity regardless of his ailment through choosing to care for Alyssa rather than being just a ruthless chaotic killing machine when Rux!Dia dies or in Aitheaca the way I want to write Cassell as someone who was born as a weapon for Ianite but loves collecting vintage human things and views his innermost self through music. The visual I kind of go to is the idea of Tom literally crafting and repairing the parts of himself that make him feel trapped by breaking them apart, burning it, adding new things when he takes the hands of friends and yeah!! And I think this sort of aspect could also tie into him becoming Mecha Dianite as well in finding freedom by choosing the person he is, and owning it
#idk if this makes any sense this is quite literally a braindump LMAO#i rambled way too long but i needed a distraction from some stuff that sucked today this is an excellent prompt#so i just went ham immediately on whatever brainrot came to mind xD I wasn't gonna go into thaum things but i got reminded of it mid writng#thank you for the ask a ton#mianite#character analysis#mianite godswap#mianite: the tales of aitheaca#tom syndicate#mot screziato#cassell lomorem#Thinking about this is why like. im such a huge fan of characterizations of cTom that go beyond#'im chaotic im evil RAHHH'#because he's a really multifacted character that I think is a lot more interesting#last time i talked about why hes chaotic this time its about the other side#throwing a bit of syndisparklez specifically in the tag#if tom is jordan's homebase#his foundation; jordan acts as a light to tom because he#is where freedom lies- he literally ignores what is laid out and what he may be indebted to to create his own goddess bring her into existe#leading out of those hypothetical boundaries yaknow#idk im normal. im nrrmal#lafakiwi talks#asks#licantropa
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i need 2 stop changing my layout around so much but i cant stop …. its too fun
#ACTUALLY though ive been like super indecisive over it#like idk something about it …. each time i change it i just cant be happy w it for too long#like itll be like less than a day and im already itching to change it all around again#i think the problem just sorta comes from stressing out too hard about wether or not it looks good and aesthetic sparkles#anyways im gonna be changing a lot of stuff around to figure stuff out so . yaknow wuick warning#should say this is only on mobile . desktop is remaining mostly intouched#(for now at least)
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see im terrible at responding to messages but that's because if I am even a little unsure how to respond to something I convince myself I'm Going to say the wrong thing and it'll be super weird. so I just dont
#frankie fucks about#not even the other persons fault usually. ijust do not have a lot to say that isnt my own things yaknow. im thw worst at responding ever#i overshare when im stoned sorry. i think everyone is always 10seconds from bullying me
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uhg deleteing old photos en mass is good for my mental health but also that means i sometimes have to look at the old photos and now i feel sick
#for context the stuff i went through was mostly 2020#so lots of the green fuck and even more of his team. old texts with my ex who i just always feel sick when i think about and#last but certainly not fucking least! screenshot of super early early dsmpblr 🤢#which. iykyk.#but !!! i delted probably 500 ish photos !!!!!#theres still a lot more but its a dent yaknow#blehh i think im gonna scroll for a bit then go to bed#idk lol
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i think ppl mad about the cheerleaders are forgetting that this is america btw. like genuinely cheerleaders are a pretty big part of american sports and i thought it was fun that they got the dallas mfing cowboys (& i think houston’s) to be a part of the show? yes they are athletes but… part of their job is, quite literally, cheering at sports? and they are happy to do so? because it’s their job and they are beloved for it? idk seems like outrage could be more productively pointed elsewhere
#i don’t mean ‘this is America’ in a snide way btw#just like literally it’s a cultural thing here#so it makes a lot of sense to me that they would think of it in America#i actually was (and still am) a bit confused about the outrage over grid girls#because they seem like cheerleaders to me……and cheerleaders are normal#standard disclaimer that everyone is entitled to their opinion#this hate on the USA for our cheerleaders of all things is just kind of……..#yaknow#esp when they chose that job themselves and are respected for it#f1#austin gp 2023#*delphi
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read the notes on the last post about the michael squipped au (possibly?) whoever raccoons in a trenchcoat is you have AMAZING opinions on that oh my gosh dude
i think the squip-michael interactions would be like both comedic but gets serious when it needs to y’know?? like his squip might jokingly play around with him but go behind his back when he’s vulnerable n stuff
feel like his hoodie would definitely get tossed early in and maybe?? maybe towards the end he’d get it back??? i wonder how it would work out
#and to think maybe this would start with rich going to michael first#instead of jeremy#cause i believe rich is/was a bully to michael as well??#according to the boyf backpacks cause rich would have definitely taken michael aside to write that#like maybe he’d take a while to think on it after being reccomended it??#he’s obviously be a lot more reluctant on that descision ykyk#maybe a mitb type scene early on would be what pushes him to do it#HGDGSGA#ITS FUN TO THINK ABOUT#i like to think it would be a comedy as well yaknow#HGGG OKAY IM NORMAL#be more chill#be more chill musical#michael mell#bmc
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i feel so miserable right now unfortunately .....
#when i went back to work i am trying to be more honest to people about my feelings regarding shit.#and well. this unfortaunetly will make people like you less when you're a lot less appeasing and a lot more honest#and not even in a workflow way. just in a social way. but also yeah in a workflow way#im giving less of a shit about things. in general there. i AM still doing very very well for only caring like 1/4th of the amount i used to#its funny though. a lot of people also like me more this way. lol#so. yaknow. but it does ache when some people you were friendly with suddenly feel comfortable enough with you to tell horrible jokes#and get pissed off now that they not only like YOU more and think youre more charismatic and friendly#but also that you also dont think. THEY'RE being funnier and nicer at the mutual peeling back#when they open up and reveal that they really love making fucked up jokes that i REALLY cant agree with#like talking to them now feels like i've accessed like. 4chan.
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