#YOURE FUKIN INSANE

[buritochacito]

Come on Zim, find the positive in this!

For example.. um.. uh.. uhhhhhhh-

Gir will be happy?

Although it's hard to understand what he's even thinking about right now.

I had a vision from the crazy fairy

He's going to eat another human organ

[cow-tag]

Holding the universe in his arms/////Fuck it we ball jonatello fusion fic real

literally so fucking exausted i might not even continue idfk but i needed to get it off my google docs so i can continue or smthn idfk but here yall go enjoy

The crystal glowed with an eerie light, illuminating the room and reflecting off Donnie’s goggles. They carefully chipped a piece off and held it under a microscope, watching the colors swirl and change. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before, and it certainly wasn’t recorded in human history. ‘Makes sense’ they thought, huffing to themself lightly. ‘I found it on a crashed Kraang ship, so it’s probably some sort of alien material.’ 

The object glowed and almost pulsed. It was mesmerizing, one could fall asleep if they stared at it for too long. But Donnie wasn’t going to sleep. Not just yet. 

Now, Donnie should have expected what happened next. It’s rare they get a moment of peace with their family. But, surprisingly, the person that tumbled into their lab with a laugh and a shout was not an orange and green blur. Donnie looked over at the absence of orange for a split second, but immediately turned back when they saw the intruder. Of course he would bother them at this exact moment. 

“Heeeyyy, Stickmaster!! What’s that shiny rock ya got there?” 

Arnold Casey Bernid Jones Junior. The way Donatello got his full legal name is not important. What is important is the fact that he is their greatest rival. In love, in snarky remarks, in machinery, you name it. Except intelligence. They trump him on that topic. But either way, he has no reason to be here, and Donatello had no reason to put up with him. 

“Nothing you need to know about Puckhead, now get out of my lab before I lose a foot up your ass.” Donatello doesn’t move from their spot examining the crystal, not even when they hear a chuckle and a soft “Hot.” come out of Casey. He’s been doing that lately. He’s been.. Flirting. More so than normal. Which in and of itself is a feat, considering the walking pansexual disaster flirts with almost everyone he meets. No, the flirting is not strange. It’s that he’s been flirting with Donatello. An insane thing to hear, Don was shocked the first time they heard any words of romantic affection come from his mouth. But, alas, this is true. It started out small, just little “damn!”s and wolf whistle coming from the human. But it’s been escalating more as of late. Patting their shoulder and giving them a sly smirk, random offhand comments about their attractiveness, a couple sexual innuendos thrown in with their regular banter. Donatello hated it. They hated it so much, they hated the way their face flushed when he got close, hated the way their stomach flipped when he smirked. It was ridiculous, unnecessary, horrible, but somehow the best feeling they’ve ever had. 

“Come on, I just wanna look! Just a little peek?” Casey whines, slumping over Donatello’s shoulder. He was close. Too close. They could feel the warmth emanating from his body, feel the unnaturally loud thrum of his heart, could feel his hot breath on their neck. He was too close. Far too close. They shrug him off the best they can, which resulted in him groaning and spinning their chair, and by proxy, them, to face him. He steps back and crosses his arms, a slight pout on his tan, freckled face. It shouldn’t have been endearing. “Listen, Shit-for-brains, I have work to do. I need to study this.” They turn back, hearing another loud groan come from their ally. 

“Doonniieeeeeee, you’ve been in here for days! That's the whole fukin’ reason I'm in here, Leo told me to come and get ya before she came in to whoop your sorry ass into bed.” Donnie scoffed, of course that was why he was here. Their sister. He would never come in here on his own terms. 

[a small part of Donnie deflated at that last thought. They smack that part of themself upside the head, and focus on ignoring his presence.]

“Well, you can tell her that I am just fine staying where I am. I have been keeping up with my hygiene, and have been eating and drinking properly. There is no reason I should need to leave.” Casey barks out a laugh, pushing Donnie’s tools across the table to lean in front of them. “‘You can tell her that I am just fine staying where I am’” Casey mocks them with a high, nasally voice, adopting a smug, reserved look as he does so. “Bull! When was the last time you went out and ate?” He then yells, reverting back to his regular, loud voice. Donnie shrinks back just a titch at the volume, before scoffing and crossing their arms. “This morning.” They say, pushing the goggles up on their forehead. 

Casey raises an eyebrow. “And what was the date of this, ‘this morning’?” he says, eyeing them suspiciously. Donnie pauses. 

“April 3rd.” 

There's a moment of silence before Casey bursts out laughing again. “April 3rd?!? Dude, it’s the fifth today!” Donnie jumps back at that, rushing to their laptop to check the human’s facts. He was right. HE WAS RIGHT?! Donnie had been cooped up in their lab for two whole days?! They swear it hadn’t been that long! But the universe was against them in this. And apparently was hellbent on making it worse, because Casey then grabbed the crystal. “So, on account of this new realization you have just had,” He said, holding the glowing thing above his head in a ceremonial way, “I am going to confiscate this until further notice.” 

Donnie stood up and shouted, lunging for the crystal. He somehow managed to swerve away from them, laughing and jumping around. “Casey! I don’t know if it’s safe to touch! It could be unstable!” They moved to grab it again, but he was too quick. How was he too quick?! “I dunno don, seems pretty safe to me.” He runs the crystal from the middle of his thigh to the side of his collarbone, smirking the whole time. It pushes up the side of his hoodie for just a moment, putting his hip and lower waist on full display. Casey wasn’t likely to be seen without layers of black clothing, and Donnie was surprised to catch a glimpse of freckled skin before the hoodie fell back down. Apparently Donnie was Immensely tired, because not only was Casey faster than them, that last little trick he pulled was effective in slowing them down even further. They curse themself for being so easily flustered. 

Casey laughed at Donnie’s state, hopping back and forth around them. Crystal in hand, he was literally running circles around them. Donnie continued to try and fail to grab the crystal from him, resulting in the pair entering a sort of dance. Casey came close, Donnie lunged, Casey dodged and barked out a laugh. The crystal seemed to grow brighter in Casey’s grip everytime the two made some sort of contact, illuminating his face in an ethereal way. This was not helping Donnie’s case at all. At some point Casey started dancing around the mutant, his laugh filling the room with joy. Donnie hated it. He came close, grabbed their hand. The crystal grew impossibly bright. He let go, spinning around and around, dragging Donnie with him. Donnie was dizzy and annoyed. This was so ridiculous! He was messing with a potentially dangerous force, with no regard for his safety! And while this was no different than normal, it was endlessly infuriating. To top it off, Casey ended the spin with a dip, holding donnie in one arm and the crystal in the other. He held the crystal far away from Donnie, but the light still managed to reach his eyes. 

There was a moment, a still moment, where everything was calm. Where, for a moment, the light filtered through Casey’s fingers with an unearthly glow. Where, for a moment, Casey’s normally dark eyes seemed to hold an entire galaxy. Where his smile was as big as could be, missing teeth and all. Where his dimples indented his cheeks in a way that perfectly matched the splattering of freckles on his face. Where all the acne scars seemed like stars, light spots scattered across his face. Donnie saw themself in his eyes, along with the galaxy they held. Logically, they know it was just the reflection of light off their goggles. But, for a moment, it seemed as though they were peering into puddles of space. And, for a moment, Casey was just so impossibly beautiful that they could not stand to look at him anymore. 

Thankfully, the moment was ended by the pair being enveloped in white light, forcing them both to close their eyes. 

[With how observant they were, Donnie seemed to miss Casey’s flush as he dodged and weaved, seeming to miss how loud his heart was. They seemed to miss that Casey did not have a galaxy in his eyes, because he was looking at Donnie like they were his whole universe.]

[frozenbound]

I'm the person who asked about your tumblr so glad to see asks open for requests! I absolutely adored that shimadacest fic of yours, I also saw a fic recently where jesse has the hots for hanzo but hates him they eventually fuck and it's written as fairly tender/smut with feelings at the end. I'm not sure if that was you or anyone else but I am always and I mean always in need of more yeehan smut. So my request is assless chaps, hanzo in a cowboy hat fukin.

Thank you so much for your kind words! The hate-to-tender-fuck fic isn’t mine, but it’s a great story! I tend to want to skip straight to the tender fucking. I have no patience for hate between two handsome men, haha!

Thank you so much for the request!! I’m super excited to write it! YeeHan Cowboy Hanzo coming right up, under the Read More!

“What are you wearing?!” Genji demanded, rocketing to his feet off of Hanzo’s bed. Hanzo shook his head as he closed the bathroom door behind him and walked…the hairs rising on the back of his neck from the noise the jingling spurs made, so antithetical to the silent steps he had taken since he was four…to the full-length mirror beside his wardrobe.

He stopped in front of it and considered himself: front on, in profile, and looking over his shoulder.

He looked really good as a cowboy.

Genji came bouncing up behind him, staring. “No way. No way. Who are you? What have you done with my brother?”

“If you’re allowed to make extravagant purchases every day,” Hanzo retorted, still looking himself over, “then I’m allowed to make at least one.”

“Extravagant?! Is that what you call this?”

“What would you call it?”

“Insane!”

Well, Hanzo conceded internally as he turned back to face the mirror full-on, Genji might be right.

A dark brown cowboy hat, a blue-green plaid button-up shirt, tight-fitting jeans, chaps, and cowboy boots, complete with spurs, were an insane impulse purchase after discovering that Seven Samurai had an American rip-off called The Magnificent Seven…a rip-off that was actually, surprisingly good.

But, as Hanzo raised a hand to his chin and stroked his new beard and goatee, which he had grown recently and now coincidentally looked like the finishing touches on this new look, the impulse had paid dividends.

He looked good.

He looked really good.

He would never, ever, ever wear this in public, but he looked really good as a cowboy.

“I can’t believe,” Genji said slowly after a brief silent period while they both stared at Hanzo’s outfit, “that you even got the assless chaps.”

Hanzo rolled his eyes. “All chaps are assless, Genji. You remember how in English ‘trousers’ and ��jeans’ are plural? It’s because they started out like this.” He unbuckled the belt holding the chaps together and took them off, showing Genji the shaped leather was in two distinct pieces that covered the outer parts of his legs, but not only didn’t join up at the crotch but were also open in the interior.

Genji whistled. “Huh. You learn something new every day.”

“Indeed,” Hanzo replied, buckling the chaps back on and turning back to the mirror to feed his growing admiration of himself. “Do it and I’ll break it in half.”

“Brother!” Genji whined, cellphone in hand. “You gotta let me!”

“I will break it, Genji.”

Genji put it back in his pocket, grumbling, but Hanzo had no pity for him. This had been an impulse buy, a gift of sorts, but to himself, and himself alone.

Nobody would ever see him like this. Ever.

“Ever” turned out to mean “For twelve years”.

When Hanzo and Genji walked down the exit ramp of the transport to meet the small crowd of Overwatch agents that had gathered to greet them, Hanzo only had eyes for the giant gorilla who was leading this insane escapade of a second Overwatch, and when he got over him, there were plenty of other characters to distract him, ranging from the bubbly British agent to the Brazilian guerrilla DJ to the Korean streamer-slash-war heroine.

Then there was Genji nudging him familiarly and catching Hanzo’s eye and grinning, his teeth flashing white in his dark, scarred face, and the fact that Genji was here and alive and welcoming him into his circle of friends and comrades took Hanzo’s breath away and he could only look uncomprehendingly at his brother for a few uncomfortable seconds.

Then Genji motioned again, stronger and more insistent, and obligated Hanzo to look at a…at a…

At a cowboy.

With a cowboy hat, red and yellow plaid button-up shirt, tight-fitting jeans, chaps, and cowboy boots, complete with jingling spurs.

Hanzo stared.

He even had the cloak over his shoulders. What was it called? Not a poncho, it was a…

The cowboy looked back mildly, with a trace of unfriendly wariness at Hanzo’s scrutiny and silence.

“Howdy,” he said at last, when Hanzo failed to say anything, and Hanzo nearly closed his eyes.

He even sounded like a cowboy.

But he managed to return the greeting with a minimum of nervousness under Genji’s gleeful eye, and the cowboy introduced himself as Cole Cassidy and left it at that.

But things didn’t stay like that.

No, over the next weeks and months, the cowboy revealed himself to be an astute, thoughtful, charismatic, and capable leader. 

He turned out to be an excellent shot.

He had a varied and eventful and unlikely background, with an undercurrent of a search for redemption running throughout.

He was gay. Completely and thoroughly gay, and after a few months, when he discovered that Hanzo was a sharp, observant, poised, and skilled agent who was an incredible shot with a mixed and weighty and strange background that had ultimately led to a search for redemption…

Well, it turned out they had a lot in common.

So it was no surprise when they started fucking.

It was a surprise that it didn’t take at least a little alcohol to get them started, but Cassidy made sure to proposition Hanzo in the afternoon that first time, not in the evening after they had both indulged in some whiskey and sake.

Maybe he simply found him irresistible when they were shirtless and sweaty and alone in the Watchpoint’s gym.

At any rate, they ended up running up to Cassidy’s quarters, and Hanzo managed to surprise Cassidy by pushing the cowboy to sit on his bed while Hanzo dropped to his knees.

“And here I thought I was taking the initiative,” he drawled as Hanzo tugged down his workout shorts to reveal his erection, the head shiny with precum.

“You did,” Hanzo replied, “but I’ll take over from here.”

The cowboy opened his mouth to retort, but only a groan came out as Hanzo engulfed him in the moist heat of his mouth.

Hanzo was pleased to find that the cowboy was a complete gentleman. There had been times when his partner had enjoyed Hanzo’s lips and mouth and tongue and then immediately dropped off to sleep or simply left as soon as they exploded down his throat, but not Cassidy. After Hanzo had swallowed, Cassidy took a few minutes to catch his breath, gently stroking Hanzo’s cheek with a thumb and gazing affectionately down at him, but then he lifted Hanzo onto the bed and returned the favor with gusto, milking Hanzo dry with the best blowjob he’d gotten in years.

Things progressed and meandered at a gentle, languid pace after that, the two men cautiously yet resolutely exploring this new relationship of theirs. Their encounters were restricted to blowjobs and sloppy makeout sessions for a few weeks more, until Hanzo realized that while the physical contact and physical release were welcome, a certain bloom of warmth began to swell in his chest whenever he saw Cassidy, and he fancied that he could see something similar welling up in the cowboy’s eyes and face whenever they met, and it stayed there as he watched Hanzo’s head bob up and down in his lap or when he stared up at Hanzo as he licked up and down his straining length.

“I think,” he said slowly one golden afternoon, his metallic fingers tracing the lines of Hanzo’s dragon as Hanzo cuddled him to his chest, “that I’d like for you to call me Cole.”

Hanzo blinked, swallowed, then ventured, “In what capacity, exactly?”

“In the capacity of my, uh…” Cole said, trailing off, then setting his jaw and looking up at him. “As my boyfriend.”

To his visible relief, Hanzo smiled. “I’d like that very much, Cole.”

Genji screeched when he found out later that day.

“I knew it! I knew it!” he crowed, pounding a metal hand painfully on Hanzo’s back. Hanzo absorbed it stoically. “I knew you had a thing for cowboys! C’mon, we gotta get down to the evidence lockers and see if it’s all still there.”

“If what is still there?” asked Hanzo, bewildered by this completely unexpected turn.

Genji grinned, and while Hanzo was thankful he was getting used to the sight, he couldn’t help worrying at the implications. “If the evidence we seized when Blackwatch raided Shimada Castle is still there.”

Hanzo felt the blood drain out of his face. “Evidence?”

“Yes, brother,” Genji replied with a gleam in his eye. “Evidence.”

And that was why, hours later, Hanzo sent a text to Cole. 

“Come to my quarters. We need to celebrate.”

Cole came, and knocked on the door, which slid aside to admit him into the dark interior, lit only by a few candles.

“Hanzo?” he asked, sounding as though he rather liked where this was going as he stepped inside and let the door close behind him. “Where are you?”

Hanzo pushed the bathroom door open.

Cole stared.

“Howdy,” Hanzo said at last, when Cole failed to say anything, and Cole closed his eyes.

“Tell me,” he said, opening his eyes and letting a grin slowly spread across his face to rob his words of any seriousness, “that I’m not just your fetish.”

“You are not,” Hanzo said, smiling back as he stepped into the room with a jingle, forcing an involuntary chuckle out of Cole as he glanced down at the spurs. “When I was younger, I…happened to see and enjoy an Old West film, and I liked the aesthetics enough to want to have some of them. It’s not a sexual thing, but, ah…now…I thought it might come as a welcome surprise.”

“It sure did. It sure is,” Cole said, laughing again in wonderment as he came forward and took Hanzo by the shoulders and looked him up and down. “Look at you! You’re picture perfect. You look like you’re ready to mount that bull and ride him all the way to Santa Fe and back.”

“Well,” Hanzo said, reddening. “I thought…though it isn’t a sexual thing…I thought perhaps…we could…that I could…” he trailed off.

Cole’s grin widened, though it disappeared for a moment as he licked his lips. “That we could ride?” he finished, his eyes alight with hope.

Hanzo nodded.

Cole leaned in close. “Yeehaw,” he murmured, then he ducked under the brim of Hanzo’s hat and pressed a kiss to his lips. “You, uh…you want me all dolled up, too?”

Hanzo licked his lips and nodded.

Cole looked radiant. “You into assless chaps at all?”

“All chaps are…”

“Oh, darling!” Cole interrupted, hugging him close and nearly bumping Hanzo’s hat right off his head. “You’re turning into my sun and stars, you know that?”

Hanzo mumbled something into Cole’s chest, but even he didn’t know what it was.

Cole rapidly went back to his quarters and returned so quickly he was breathing hard when he knocked on Hanzo’s door to be readmitted. Despite being out of breath, he did his best to saunter in, his own spurs jingling, and even twirling on the spot under Hanzo’s heated and openly admiring gaze. “Look who’s here,” he said smugly. 

“I’m looking,” Hanzo replied, pushing off the wall he had deliberately posed against. “I see a wild stallion in need of being tamed.”

“Oh, really?” Cole said, reaching up to pull the brim of his hat low over one eye. “And you think you’re the one who’s gonna do it?”

“Clearly,” Hanzo said as he stepped up to him and looked up, their brims brushing against each other.

“You’re awfully sure of yourself, partner.”

“With good reason.”

And Hanzo took Cole’s jaw gently in hand and guided him down to his lips, immediately licking into his mouth before parting and looking into Cole’s rather dazed eyes.

“You got a, uh,” the cowboy said slowly, his eyes flicking between Hanzo’s eyes and Hanzo’s lips. “You got a gentler touch than I was expecting.”

“Gentle or rough, I’ll get the job done,” Hanzo purred. “Perhaps the wild stallion might even come willingly.”

“Oh, he sure will, when he sees what you got to offer,” Cole replied fervently.

“Good. Then first, the stallion can lose these.”

And Hanzo swiftly unbuttoned and unzipped Cole’s jeans.

“Tit for tat, cowboy,” Cole said, a little breathlessly.

“If you insist,” Hanzo breathed back as he tugged Cole’s jeans over his thick thighs to pool around his boots. Hanzo had the presence of mind to pull off his boots first before he unbuttoned and shucked off his own jeans, and he laughed as Cole awkwardly tried to shove off his jeans and boots while keeping his eyes glued to Hanzo, managing to tangle the jeans into his spurs before finally kicking the whole mess off.

Then the two of them stalked around each other in the middle of the room, hungrily devouring the sight of the other’s bare ass flexing, round and muscular and framed by the dark leather of the chaps.

Then Hanzo began to slowly unbutton his shirt and Cole’s lips parted as he drank in the sight, Hanzo’s abs and pecs and the swirling lines of his tattoo coming into sight as he shrugged off and dropped the shirt to the floor. 

Hanzo winked and slid his fingertips along the brim of his hat. “The hat and chaps stay on.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, darling,” Cole replied, his weeping cock bouncing.

“I would,” Hanzo said stepping forward and taking hold of the hem of Cole’s shirt. “I want this off.”

“Go right ahead.”

“Very well,” Hanzo said, stepping a little closer and swishing his erection back and forth. Since he was shorter than Cole, his cock brushed over Cole’s hairy ballsack, leaving a trail of precum.

All of Hanzo’s attention, however, was on the vista of Cole’s dark skin and darker body hair coming into view as he pulled the concealing, offending fabric of his shirt away, rising and falling under Cole’s heavy, aroused breathing. When he finally had it all unbuttoned, he stepped even closer to push it off his arms, which had the extra effect of pushing his cock past Cole’s balls and into the tight junction of Cole’s thighs, rubbing against his perineum and eliciting a sigh from the taller man.

“Feels good when you touch me there,” Cole said over the soft sound of his shirt falling to the flood, leaving his muscular biceps on full display.

“Does it?” Hanzo asked as he cupped Cole’s balls with his hand and stepped still closer, forcing his cock further between Cole’s legs and along his perineum.

Cole shuddered. “Surprisingly good,” he admitted.

“For me as well,” Hanzo said, wrapping his free arm around Cole’s waist and grabbing a fistful of his ass while simultaneously pulling Cole until they were pressing flush together, with Hanzo’s cock pressing through Cole’s legs and into the softer region of his asscheeks. Hanzo had to tilt his head up to keep his hat from bumping into Cole’s face, which suited him just fine. Cole’s face was red and slightly sweaty, his eyes dark with arousal, his lips full and parted, and his cowboy hat made the perfect background.

“God, you look so handsome in that hat,” Cole whispered, echoing Hanzo’s thoughts. “Never thought I’d find another cowboy so far from the cattle ranches back home.”

Hanzo smiled. “Clothes don’t make the man, Cole.”

“Nah, but now I’ve got to get you back there,” Cole said, starting to run his big, rough hands up and down Hanzo’s sides, feeling the soft skin and hard muscle. “Gonna get you up on a horse, and then we’re gonna gallop all over the countryside together. Gonna teach you how to lasso a calf. Gonna see how long you can stay on a bull.”

“Real or mechanical?” Hanzo asked, flushing under the open, yearning look in Cole’s eyes and under the touch of his hands wandering from his sides to his chest.

“Oh, you’ll graduate from the mechanical to the real thing in no time,” Cole said, sounding entirely convinced. “You’re gonna be winning blue ribbons in barrel racing and bull riding and calf roping in no time.”

Hanzo smiled indulgently. Cole was talking complete nonsense.

The thought of Hanzo on a horse, lasso overhead, chasing down cattle…

…

…well, actually…

…no, it was absurd.

However…

“If you were there,” he said slowly, imagining Cole alongside him on his own horse, whooping and hollering, egging him on, and cheering when Hanzo effortlessly looped a lasso right around a steer’s head, “if you were there, I just might be able to do anything.”

“They got team roping, too, darling,” Cole said with a grin. “Two people gotta rope a steer together. We’d break records, I’m sure of it.”

“Me, too,” said Hanzo softly. “Me, too.”

And he tilted his head back a little more invitingly, and Cole leaned down and kissed him, and it was like something out of a dream that had started out bizarre and nonsensical but had slowly morphed into something more.

Cole licked into his mouth and the dream got even better as Hanzo responded in kind, subconsciously thrusting his hips and making them both moan at the feel of his cock rubbing between Cole’s legs.

When they broke apart, they took a moment to take in the sight of each other’s shiny, wet lips before Cole whispered, “I think it’s time we ride.”

Hanzo’s body burned with desire and he began pushing Cole towards his bed.

“Whoa there, partner!” he said, chuckling at his impatience. “We haven’t rightly…I mean, do you want to…”

Then he yelped when Hanzo roughly shoved him down onto the bed and was instantly upon him, straddling his hips and looking down into his surprised face. Hanzo slowly took in the beautiful sight of the cowboy laid out beneath him, his thick legs covered in leather chaps, his erection standing tall between the leather, his defined, muscular torso bare but for his thick body hair, and his hat, lying upside down above his head, pushed off by his falling on the bed.

He leaned over to snatch the waiting bottle of lube off his bedside cabinet and watched Cole’s face darken with lust as he squirted a healthy amount onto his fingers and reached behind himself, his slick fingers probing toward his entrance. He sighed when his rough fingertips grazed over the sensitive ring, then sighed again, louder and indulgently, when he pushed in, sticking in an entire thick digit because he was impatient and he wanted to be bouncing on Cole’s dick right then and there.

Then he felt Cole’s hands on his hips, over his own chaps, steadying him as he murmured, “Easy, darling, easy. I’m not going anywhere. You get yourself nice and ready, alright? I want you to feel good. Real good.”

Hanzo took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, then smiled down at him. “I have been anticipating this for some time.”

“You’ve been anticipating dressing up as a cowboy to seduce the one other cowboy on the Watchpoint?” he replied with a wink.

“Yes,” Hanzo said with a smirk and a shake of his head, looking down at his own legs encased in the loose leather of his own chaps. “Precisely.”

“You sure this ain’t a fetish?”

“Are you?” Hanzo shot back.

Cole grinned triumphantly. “Sure it’s my fetish. I didn’t grow up on a ranch, I was a farmboy. I used to wait all year for the rodeo just to see all them cowboys strutting around in their assless chaps. I didn’t get my first cowboy duds until after my first heist. They were my reward to myself for pulling it off. I was hard as a rock when I first put everything on and looked at myself in the mirror. Jacked off and came all over myself. Almost stained that brand new hat.”

Hanzo stared down at him, idly continuing to finger himself open as he digested this information. 

“Then you’re telling me I shouldn’t aim for your face when I cum?” he asked, glancing at the hat resting on the sheets just above Cole’s head.

Cole burst out laughing. “Just try not to get the hat, darling. If you can manage that, I think I’d look mighty fine covered with your cum.”

Hanzo sucked in a breath at the mental picture.

He was going to make it happen.

He scissored and spread his fingers, stretching himself out until he was working three fingers in and out with ease.

He was ready.

He shuffled forward on his knees and took Cole’s erection in hand, stroking it gently as he covered it in lube. 

Then he shuffled a little further forward, rose up, maneuvered himself into position, then looked Cole in the eye.

“Yeehaw.”

And he sank down onto Cole, breathing out as his blunt cockhead pressed against his entrance, then popped inside.

Cole groaned, his fingertips digging into Hanzo’s hips, but he didn’t hurry him on. He waited patiently for Hanzo to get used to his thickness and length and slide down a little further, then pause, then slide down, until soon Hanzo’s ballsack draped over Cole’s pubes, and Cole’s cock was fully sheathed in Hanzo.

They were both breathing heavily, and sweat dripped down Hanzo’s skin, trailing down his forehead and chest and stomach as he shifted in place, feeling his body stretch and relax in order to accommodate Cole, his own cock leaking like a sieve. 

Just when he was nearly ready, he felt Cole take his cock in hand at the base, his fingers not quite touching around his girth, and he gently pumped him a couple of times.

“You feel incredible,” Cole whispered reverently.

Hanzo smiled as the last of his body’s resistance melted away, leaving nothing but the pleasant buzz of fullness. “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” he replied, mimicking Cole’s accent. “And now, stallion, we ride.”

He closed his eyes and pictured himself on horseback, going at an easy pace, and began working himself up and down on Cole’s cock as though he were bouncing lightly in his imagined saddle, getting speared quickly yet shallowly.

“Wow,” Cole breathed.

Without breaking his rhythm, Hanzo opened his eyes and reached up to tip his hat. “How’s the pace, wild stallion? Should we kick up into an easy trot?”

Cole’s eyes shone with erotic amusement. “You tell me, cowboy. You’re in charge. You’re riding me.”

Hanzo grinned and did indeed pick up the pace, but imagining a fast trot instead of an easy one, and Cole actually went a little cross-eyed at the feel of his cock sliding further out of and deeper into Hanzo’s heat, the two of them bouncing on the mattress. 

Hanzo, on the other hand, was enjoying the glide and the fullness of the cock rubbing so deliciously against his innards, but the feel of the chaps, so loose and soft around his legs yet leaving his cock free to jump and wobble with each movement, was a novelty that he found he greatly enjoyed.

Then he leaned over and Cole smiled up at him and puckered his lips slightly, expecting a kiss.

Then Hanzo broke into a “gallop”.

Cole gasped and gaped up at him as Hanzo jackhammered his hips up and down, leaning forward with a savage grin as though he was tearing across the prairie at full sprint on his “horse”.

Despite the concentration it required to keep up the brutal pace, he couldn’t fail to notice the strange feeling that started to build up in his groin. His dick, though untouched, was tingling at both the head and at its base…no, not at the base, within him, the two sensations spreading out to engulf the length of his dick and then his entire pelvis. What was…?

Then, with a surge of exhilaration in his chest, he realized he was slamming Cole’s cock into himself so fast and hard that he was going to come untouched.

Buoyed by the revelation, he snatched his cowboy hat off his head and waved madly above his head.

“Fuck!” Cole gasped, his eyes wide at the sight. “Fuck! Fuck! Darling! Ride me! Ride me! I’m gonna! I’m gonna! Yes!”

“Yes!” was all Hanzo could reply before he threw his head back and yelled wordlessly.

Cum exploded into him and out of him in the same instant as Hanzo and Cole were simultaneously rocked by their orgasms.

“Darling! Sugar! Oh! Honey! I’m! Oh! Darling!” Cole blabbered as he tried to thrust up into Hanzo as deep as he could go.

Hanzo had no words. He just let out meaningless grunts and half-formed, guttural noises as he sprayed cum everywhere, onto Cole’s hairy belly and chest, onto Cole’s face and beard, on the sheets surrounding them, everywhere.

Then, the strength of his body taken up entirely by the strength of his orgasm, he dropped his hat off to one side and slumped forward onto Cole’s torso, smearing himself with his own cum and trapping his own cock between their bodies.

He lay there, eyes wide open yet unseeing, as Cole shuddered and panted underneath him, pumping cum deep, deep into him as his cock continued spurting, forcing semen between them as they lay pressed together, skin-to-skin.

Slowly, slowly, their orgasms subsided, leaving them drained, exhausted, euphoric.

Cole was the first to regain his senses, and he wrapped his arms, warm flesh and cold metal, around Hanzo. “My god,” he murmured, sweeping his hands up and down Hanzo’s sweaty back. “My god.”

“Mmm…?” hummed Hanzo, Cole’s word rousing him out of a pleasant, heady mindfog. 

“You have no idea,” Cole said quietly and adoringly, “how good you looked up there, waving your hat around like that. My god, Hanzo. You just about killed me, you looked so good. Like sex personified.”

Hanzo smiled and kissed the skin beneath him. “And you, stretched out beneath me and so far inside of me. I have never cum handsfree like that in my life. Never. You felt exquisite, and looked even better.”

“Aw, shucks,” Cole said, half jokingly, half bashfully. 

“I fear,” Hanzo said, after a few minutes of comfortable, silent afterglow, “that I may have gotten your hat after all.”

“Nope, not a drop, darling. See?”

Hanzo looked up, and Cole was holding his hat aloft to show that it was untouched, but Hanzo hardly saw it.

Instead he saw just how much of his semen had splashed over and still clung to Cole’s face, a fat white drop hanging off his beard just below the faint scar that ran across his lips.

Hanzo reached up, caught Cole’s hat out of his fingers, and plunked it on his head.

He scrutinized the resulting tableau, Cole’s handsome face framed by the wide brim of his hat, and covered with Hanzo’s cum.

He hadn’t been lying before when he said cowboys weren’t his fetish…but it would truly be a lie now.

[squiglesquid]

I like your labyrinthsona

FUKIN INSANE SRRY DIDN'T GET 2 IT EARLIER GEEZ

[lusttoke]

#Sindayshots + laxus and masaki :)

Send me #Sindayshots + one (or two for threesome) of my muses and I will write a short story of them having sex with your muse.

[Laxus]: I'm not going to a fucking gay hotel!! Not with you

[Masaki]: Your grandpa asked me to help you with this mission to get information from this hotel bar. It will be undercover so you don't have to be all tensed up.

[Laxus]: I don't care what that ol'geezer told you! This is bullshit!! go alone if you want.

[Masaki]: Fine. It will only prove you're unqualified to follow any strategy. You only depend on power alone and that will never make you able to defeat your enemy.

[Laxus]: *ignores and walks away*

[Masaki]: It is either that or you are afraid of something... could it be that you are afraid of.. me?

[Laxus]: *snaps, walks back and pulls Masaki to the fukin bar* Lets get this done. Asshole.

They will just walk in, get a room and talk to the people at the bar for a couple of days and then get out. Laxus won't gonna let this get more awkward than it is, no not with this annoying bastard. He might never admit but Masaki has a lot more experience than him and helped him develop his fighting skills in training. Yet this man is very annoying more than any other human he met so far. Everyone is annoying to lax but this old dude theres something about him makes Laxus wanna roast him with thunder inside out.

With Laxus determination to not make this awkward comes the bad luck. 'Kiss for the camera' is an event held in this bar, basically couples not only need to pay for the room but also kiss for the photo display at the entrance of the hotel. Before Lax ruin their cover the light god pulled the lightning god into a kiss that might got more passionate than it suppose to be. Surprisingly Lax place his arms on the other's waist while Kurosu wrapped his arm around the younger male's neck. When they broke the kiss Laxus was calmly looking right into the other's eyes, Masaki was confused and Laxus could swear he was blushing but the light god turned around to finish the payment of the room and receive the key.

- later in the ridiculous room with heart shaped bed-

[Laxus]: What was that?

[Masaki]: Hmm?! *checking the content of his bag n trying to avoid eye contact with the piercing ones* We had to stay undercover thats all...

He turned around to find the male standing right in front of him. He got pulled into a kiss, a real one this time. Wasn't a love kiss, it was Laxus testing what he thought was true. Blue eyes widened, as the other's playful tongue to tasted his lips and invaded his mouth in mind blowing hot kiss. This is insane.!

[Masaki]: This.. shouldn't be.... happening. We should focus on our mission.

[Laxus]: Looks like it was you.. who was afraid...?

It was totally the other way around, in fact Laxus could swear that Masaki only came here to prove to himself that he doesn't have any desires to young male. Yet he was a total mess on the first contact. Loving how he could see that bastard get messed up every time he kiss him got Laxus excited. Wasn't love but more of being dominant on the older male who thought he knew everything. Pushing the older male into bed, there will be going more kisses that will shock the other's mind and toast him inside out. It pisses Masaki off that the other had finally find something on him that he might hold for a bit longer later.

[mysticmeadowscamp]

hc Logan can threat people, but he sounds insane: “I will boil your teeth,” or “I will gut you like a fish” he would sound like a cryptid and Virgil thinks it’s really funny

YES OMG DGDJHDKDJSMJDMDJ

Canon Remus just fukin adopts campfire!Logan

[ehh-is-the-name]

Inanimate Insanity II, ep 14.

I’m making a log of my feelings and thoughts during this ep, something tells me it’s gonna be a feels fest. Oh yeah, forgot to mention there’s spoilers in here, so be careful

Alright I had this idea less then 5 mins into the ep so I’m just gonna start to where Fan gets abducted. --~~~-- BRUH He just runs out to touch the egg like the papa he is and then just SHOOWP. there he goes, up in the green laser then fukin Intro with the chessy music. Are we just not gonna say anything about that?? Plus the convo of MePhone4 and MePad?

Hell yeah I can smell the story from here, 30 minutes of content here I come! ~~~ Alright HE HAS A FUCKIN SHEILD?! I wasn’t expecting a laser battle but damn ~~~ Test Tube’s livid and possibly gone bonkers. Punching a hole through the pop machine wasn’t the most necessary thing but I’ll back it up. Not to mention everyone’s kinda scared her at the moment too... Scared, well spoke a little too soon. ~~~ OUUU Oh SNAP- Suitcase telling of Test Tube like that- Now that’s tea.

~~~ I swear there’s too much going on and I love it. Fan’s stuck with the egg in a horribly minimalistic room, The contestants are trying to defeat the giant egg that was apparently sent by cobs (I don’t by it), and MePhone4 basically saying he’s going lone wolf on everyone and everything, ahh the tea- the drama- the sauce! I love every second of it and I’m not even a whole 10 mins into the ep. ~~~ Um Taco, the fuck you doing with MePad back there? Also Mic, I’m 99% sure you guys aren’t equals, or at least not in Taco’s mind. ~~~ Ngl the lil egg dude being scared of fan made me tear up a bit. I’m weak I know ~~~ Lightbulb makes my day so much better, I love that glass bulb full of gases. The flying buddy is a wonderful name for a rocket made of scrap metal. I love it so much, I can’t- ~~~ Wait, did that glass orb just save the day by fueling the ship? holy fucc, that’s incredible. aLSO MePHone4 I swear- don’t you dare erase a god damn thing, just look at the rocket fly through the sky and don’t press the button. ~~~ ok good he didn’t press it. ~~~ YOOO Suitcase, that’s like the opposite of Ninja’s “It’s just a game” quote, or maybe it’s the same thinking... tbh I have no clue I was just reminded of the quote from she said. ~~~ There’s something mega fucked up about using the Ipad to teleport after forcing him to go in sleep mode... Taco you are one crazy bitch and I don’t condone of your actions but I respect the skills to con and devise.  ~~~ The prime shimmer huh, I have no clue how to feel about floating space eggs with spears calling themselves The Prime Shimmer. ~~~ I think the head prime shimmer’s gonna make me and fan have an existential crisis. I don’t know who I am?? Do I? Do you? Do any of us know who we are exactly? oh no it’s started. eh, why am I worried I’ve been having one for the past 3 years and I’m more or less fine. Idk about fan tho...  ~~~  Oh of course Steve Cobs is the oppressor but also managed to fuck with alien eggs? I’m not down with that. Where’s the cob of corn I wanna teach him a lesson on why you shouldn’t fuck with alien eggs. ~~~ HH H HH THEY STOLE THE BABY EGGS? AND THERE’S ANOTHER ONE? god I love this show. where’s the second baby egg tho, I wanna protect them. I’ve been switched to protect mode ahhah ~~~ Um stop the ha ha funny. Taco Straight up just fucking murdered Test Tube. Not cool, and what are your motives you fishless, bowtie havin, crunchy boi. Why did you need to teleport to the egg ship. Ahfh gfl I’m going mad.  ~~~ MIC DON’T STEAL THE BABY ~~~ Well the “Go on the alien egg ship to get Fan back” plan didn’t turn out so well huh. The worst part is that everything would have worked out it Taco didn’t go all trigger happy. ~~~  Yeah MePhone you kinda fucked up big time. 3-4 of your contestants are hurling though space and you don’t have properties like the blue number we should all know, where you could alter time and space, or at least just fly through space to get them back. ~~~ Am I stupid or something? This whole show I was wondering how these guy come back, like who’s recovering them? Duh of course it’s the host of this whole reality show. ~~~ Umm but Test Tube knows what happened on the ship. Mic how can you live with yourself? AH I’m in agony, this show is too good.  ~~~  oh oh oH OH OHHH SHIT! Mic has pulled the plug on Taco. Gain is all the way downtown. No more transmissions, no more shady business practices and telling her off while mentioning pickle. Taco, you messed up big time buddy. ~~~ - Knife: Did you see her do all that? - Test Tube: No... but I’m also not an idiot! I- - MePhone4: Well that’s fantastic.  I’m livid, listen to Test Tube. Mic was a traitor who helped in very bad practices. I will not stand for this. ~~~ UM Really now, MePad’s gone and it’s just like “eh, he’ll be back, it’s fax time,” smh. I’m not prepared for this elimination. ngl I forgot that this was even part of the show for a sec.

~~~ God damnit Lightbulb, you’re stealing my heart with your little quips. We’re having a meaningful and serious moment. Same thing with MePhone4 not the time, let Mic be the bigger person. Even  though she’s a criminal, possibly even a space criminal.  ~~~ Wait what? Your not gonna just kick Mic and have that be it? what wh y augh- ~~~ THAT’S SO MESSED UP THO! Mic is leaving AND Test Tube’s been kicked cause it’s “just a game”? Baseball, dude... I thought you were better than that. ~~~ No n no, Taco, No. You don’t get to feel bad about using someone alright. Go to space jail and revive MePad please. ~~~ ahf au u the lightbulb gang is too good. Imma cry. I- hic ~~~ MePhone4 you don’t get to be all peppy at the end of it. Lightbulb is fuckin distraught so I’m in pain, I look forward to ep 15 but AHH Hhgh my heart is damaged. Every single episode, angst and ahahh owchie mama. I love this show but damn does it make me upset. Wait what about MePad- I guess I’ll jsut have to be patient and wait. Frick. ~~~ Oh wait there’s extras after the credit? I it’s toilet. O NBIHFFNF JJGkdd njnkjdns FUCK FUCK IUFKC ABORT MISSION. TOILET GE THE FUCK OUT OF THERE AHHH- 

[tiredsmashbros]

ZE BROOOOOO THIS IS INSANE I WAS NOT EXPECTING A SECOND PART AND MY GOD IS THIS AWESOME UIOHJKEFDS I LOVE THE INTERATCIONS BETWEEN AUGUST AND TSB LIKE GANGING UP ON SMG3 MAKIN HIM THE WERID ONE LMAO POOR SMG3 JUST TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE AND THESE WERIDOS BARGE INTO HIS HOUSE AND ACT LIKE THEY LIVE THERE GIHJEFDSUIHGJHVEDSIOUUGHJVED

I LOVE THE STORY NARRATIVE IN THIS SO MUCH SUCH AS CONTINUEING TAHT SMG3 FELL OF THE BED AND TSB JUST SITTING THERE WITH HIS LEGS UP HHAHAHA AND DAMN TSB REALLY JUST EMBARRASSED 3 HE STRAIGHT UP GOT KICKED OUT HAHAHAH HOHIAUIHVJEDFSCUIGKJ AND THE ENDING THAT TSB IS TRYING TO SEEK SHELTER WITH TOMM/ME IS SO FUKIN FUNNY MAN HAHAHAHAHAH BC ONG I CAN SEE THAT LEGIT HAPPENING TSB WOULD TAKE UP THE BED HAHAH TOMM LOOKS SO ANNOYED AND DONE WITH HIS CARTOONY ASS UGIYUFEDSXIUGHJEDCUIHJK

THIS IS JUST SO INCREDIBLE I SRSLY APPLAUD YOUR DEDICATION TO MAKING THIS MAN IT REALLY MAKES ME SMILE AND MY DAY SO MUCH THANK YOU QWQQQQ 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛 IM SO PROUD OF YOU AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS I LOVE THESE SILLY TYPES OF COMICS SO MUCH COMICS MAKE ME SO HAPPY AND ZE I REALLY LOVE YOUR STYLE SO MUCH I HAVE NOT STOPPED THINKIN ABOUT THE SMALL COMIC VIDEO U DID TSB GIVING A RING TO TARI AND TOMM SHAKIN HIM IN THE END GAAHHH THE AUDIO IS STUCK IN MY HEAD YOUR SO FUNNY MAN UIGHJVEFDSIUGHJ AND I HOPE YOU FEEL MORE CONFIDENT IN YOUR HANDWRITING MAN, PERSONALLY I FIND IT READABLE JUST FINE ITS EASY TO UNDERSTAND 💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛💛

if TSB had a real name what would it be(Like a human name)

MAMAFUCKER PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE-

whatever screw this im going back to go read 34 fanfiction now🚶‍♂️

[stoopsbookstore]

Smile for the Camera (M)

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

"Look Kitten, they love you," Yunho had Y/N in his lap, her light pink lingerie pulled up to her waist showing the virtual audience the two vibrators inside of her going at half speed, "xXxDaddy1234xXx wants the nipple clamps."

"50 coins, xXx, you know the rules," Y/N writhed against the toys, grabbing her partner's hands and bringing them to mold her breasts, her voice whiny, "if you have a request, you have to donate."

You got another tip.

"Good boy," Yunho purred, his arms going out of frame to grab the toy, Y/N pulled the vibrator from her core, teasingly putting it to her lips, watching the chat go insane.

Put it in you're mouth! 👅 *50 coins*

Deepthroat it! *100 coins*

have Sir use it on you 😜 *75 coins*

Make your self squirt!!!1!! I bet u cant! *750 coins*

"You know here at Utopia, we can make anything happen," Yunho watched Y/N taste herself on the vibrating toy, swirling her tongue at the tip before wrapping her lips around it, pumping the phallic toy in and out of her mouth, "750 coins, SirAndKittensNumberOneFan? Very generous."

kitten looks so fukin sexy with that toy in her mouth. *15 coins*

Can you speed up the one in her ass? *60 coins*

"Yes, I can," Yunho grabs the remote for Y/N's buttplug, the change in speed causing her to throw her head back in ecstasy, Yunho pulling Y/N's breasts out of their confines.

I think she'll do it! *5 coins*

fucking hell... i just lost no nut november 🍆🍾 *200 coins*

"That's disgusting, Hongjoker," Y/N shook her breasts, Yunho laughing as he clamped the toy onto Y/N's nipples, crying out, her orgasm becoming too unbearable to hold back, "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

"Should we let her cum?" Yunho kissed along the side of his Kitten's neck, gently pulling on the vibrator she had in her puckered hole, "or should we just stop and ruin her day?"

CUM! MAKE HER YOUR SLUT! *100 coins*

no dont let her. have some fun with her *75 coins*

Fuck her doggy style, cum inside and plug her up. *1000 coins*

"Holy shit, I guess we have to do what BangBang says, huh Kitten?"

"Just get your dick inside of me, Sir," Y/N wobbly got off Yunho's lap, her hands grasping and shaking her ass for the chatroom, "thanks to you guys, we're in the top five."

"Come on, Kitten. We can't keep them waiting," Yunho's cock stood at attention, Y/N leaning down to kiss it, the chat getting a perfect look at the sapphire-gemmed silver toy in Y/N's ass.

Holy fuck I want one of those 💙💜💕 *85 coins*

"Sorry, Sanaughty, it's custom made," Y/N laid down, her chest on the bed with her ass in the air, Yunho pinching the flesh, "Sir, where's my pillow?"

Yunho reached out of frame once again, finding Y/N's favorite plush pillow, the satin fabric matching the color of her lingerie, "right here, Kitten."

Handing the cushion to Y/N, her hands immediately wrapping around it, Yunho pushed into her vacant hole, pings overpowering the music playing in the background and the sound of skin slapping together.

"God, you're already clenching around me."

"You try holding in your second orgasm for 20 minutes."

Oh, I think that deserves a spanking *50 coins*

"I think you're right, xXxDaddy1234xXx," Yunho spanked Y/N, her screams muffled by her pillow, his thrusts hitting the right spot to drive her insane.

"I'm not going to be able to hold on," Y/N arched her back as far as she could, her orgasm crashing down.

"Fuck, Kitten, shit, the chat's going crazy," ping afrer ping, tip after tip, Yunho pulled Y/N's tired body to his chest, pulling the chain attaching to her clamps, carefully reaching for the remote, shutting the toy in Y/N off, "I'm almost there, just a little bit more."

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

Stunning, you two are like a piece of art *20 coins*

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 🤯🤯🤯 *25 coins*

She looks perfect like that *40 coins*

"And she's all mine, KinkyYong," Yunho came with a groan, replacing his cock with his fingers, making sure all of the liquid stays inside of Y/N.

"You always tip us so well, guys," Y/N let her body relax, moving to the middle of their king-sized bed as Yunho sat in front of her, her voice coming off as sultry instead of tired, "we're so happy that we could put on a show for you."

"Get your last tips in and we'll see you all tomorrow. We have a surprise for you," Yunho turned around to see Y/N's eyes closed, a small content hum from her as she kicked her legs back and forth, "how does a bubble bath sound?"

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

You got another tip.

[commanderserwin]

*punches the wall too* DAMNIT KIDS DAMNIT ERWIN WHY IS HE SUCH A FUKIN TEASE!! I JUST READ YOUR ERWIN X TEACHER READER AND AM LIKE YEAAH BOY COMMON KIDS DO YOUR MAGIC YO ALL! WING ME UP LEVI! I BETTER HAVE THAT MAN LAYIN ON MY BED AFTER THIS CLASS 😂😂 JUST KIDDING SHIT SO FLUFF IM BLUSHING AND GIGGLING TO MYSELF! ALSO ME WANT ZOMBIE AU DAMN BAEBEE AM LOOKING!! HAHAHAHA YES PLEASE ME TOO I STILL FEEL 1ST WEEK OF NOV TO BE SPOOKY. THE REST IS XMAS SEASON TO ME AND AM STRESSED OVER IT! -ERWIN SIMP

I BETTER HAVE THAT MAN LAYING ON MY BED AFTER THIS CLASS 😭😭😭😭 YOURE LITERALLY INSANE I LOVE U SM AND YES U ARE RIGHT FIRST WEEK OF NOV IS STILL SPOOKY SEASON ,,, AND CHRISTMAS

and alas,,, the gift that u will receive is my word vomit of a zombie au 🤸🏻‍♀️

[mostly-sentence-starters]

Devil May Cry sentence starters

[Feel free to change/add more or details!]

“You take me seriously now!?”

“Too slow!”

“Hey, jackass! Remember me?

“___ , huh? You’re parents must’ve hated you, ‘cause your name sucks”

“It’s only the rain”

“The rain already stopped”

“Defeating you like this, has no meaning. Heal your wounds, get strong. After that... we’ll settle the matter.”

“Jackpot!”

“Go! You’re just deadweight!”

“You listen, deadweight.”

“Now, get to work!”

“I’m taking this back.”

“I’m running out of time…”

“And here I thought I wasn’t gonna cry.”

“It’s okay to cry, doesn’t make you a crybaby. Does make you a little bitch though.”

“I have to keep going!”

“Enjoy the taste of despair!”

“How can one guy have so much freakin’ luck?”

“You will regret being born, useless and human.”

“This…inconvenience matters not.”

“If you want it, then you’ll have to take it. But you already knew that.”

“Time to finish this! Once and for all!”

“There are other ways of settling your differences.”

“Might controls everything. And without strength, you cannot protect anything. Let alone yourself.”

“She’s got a pretty smokin’ body though. Not that I was…barely even noticed.”

“No way! After all this, are you insane!?”

“Ya got some pretty big cojones for comin’ back.”

“Just don’t know when to give up, do ya!?”

“No. Let me. I want to end this with my own hands.”

“Thank you for that, now I shall give you death in return.”

“You feeling accepting yet?” “Of your existence, or of your strength?” 

“Both you fukin’ asshole!”

“I’m not letting you die!”

“You’ve always known which path is right, and which is wrong.”

“Give me that.” “No way, you have your own.” “Well I want yours too.”

“It’s past your bedtime.”

“Did you just sniff that? Do you have any idea where that’s been?”

“Up your butt?”

“W-Wait, a second are you running away!? That’s not a good sign.”

“Oh, the wise guy ___”

“I’m afraid that, is a little more than I can handle right now.”

“If only…if only you never existed…then I–”

“Cash up front? This, I like.”

“Whatever, I don’t really care. I’m just gonna sit this one out.”

“You know I got you covered, asshole.”

“Sigh… perfect timing! Now we’re working like a team.”

“You lost me, and I lost you.”

“This is…curious”

“What form of power is this?”

“I need more power.”

“Score for me. I’m up one!” “Where did you learn to count!? We’re even.”

“Don’t you dare say it–”

[datiyaknowsshit]

Utuber x Naruto

Some crossover that nobody ask for here we go!

First up, our beloved boy, Pewdiepie!

Name: Felix/Pewdiepie

Age: 29 (At the start of Naruto)

Gender: Male

Rank: Jounin

Relationships: Kakashi’s best friend, Naruto’s sworn brother

Personalities: Felix is cheerful and friendly so most of the village really like him. Also he is very equaly so when he saw Naruto is being bullied by the villagers and kids, he stepped in and made friend with the kid.

Appearance: Felix is blonde and he has blue eyes, he normally wear Konohagakure’ Jounin uniform, but when he is off he usually just wear t shirt and jeans.

Skills:

- Felix is a swordman, his ninjutsu are pretty good too. His main elements are Fire and Lightning.

- He has 2 pugs are Maya and Edgar, he adopted them when he was still a Chunin and after they recover he realized that their intelligent are far from normal dogs. So he got 2 ninja guard dogs after that incident. 

Story:

- Felix graduated the academy when he was 11, he got promoted to Chunin when he was 13 and a Jounin when he was 17. 

- His parents passed out because of the war since he was just a Genin.

- Felix beat the shit out of Kakashi after Obito and Rin death so somehow they get along after that fight, they even became bestfriend. Kakashi also choose to hide inside Felix apartment whenever he was chased by Gai or he just happened to finished a mission. Felix just ignored that after the third broke out Kakashi did with his poor window. 

- After one time Felix saw Naruto goi kicked out by a shopkeeper, he spoke up for the kid and brought him home and took care of Naruto. They became friends after that and Naruto also decided to dropped by often.

- Kakashi used Felix to get his stuff to Naruto and also asked about him.

- Felix sometimes hang out with the Inuzuka kid cuz he has Edgar and Maya. 

- Felix also usually joins the Jounin group who has to in charge of a genin team even though he doesn't have any. But with his bright personality, he got in real quick and got invited to every single meeting. 

===========

About Pewz, i think i will put him in the Konohagakure just because that is the place where tons of shit happened which suit the chaotic live that Pewz has lmao.

Next up, my bias in this Utuber fandom, Cryaotic babe!

Name: Cryaotic/Cry/Chaoticmonkey (old name)

Age: 29 (At the start of Naruto)

Gender: Male

Rank: Jounin

Relationships: Sand siblings' uncle (yes, he is Yashamaru =)) Karura’ brother, Rasa’ brother-in-law

Personality: Cry is a cheerful and funny ninja, he talks and also jokes alots. But Cry has a darkside, Mad Cry is what they call him when he snaps. Mad usually has an insane laugh and he takes killing a fun hobby. Mad doesn’t usually appears but once he’s out, no one that is aganst him make out alive.

Appearance: Cry is blone, his up face is covered by a white round mask that has SupGuy face on it. It also changes due to his emotion.

Skills:

- Cry mostly uses Kunai and Explosive tags in the battle, his taijutsu is weak.

- He can uses almost every ninjutsu due to Sup Guys abilities (which are the cretures that he signed a contract when he was on a Genin mission). They can copy other appearances, voices and even ninjutsu to their chakra system. But most of the successful missions are because of Cry’s acts. 

- But Mad is incredibly good at taijutsu, from speed to skill are almost perfect. Someone even said that he might catch up the Yellow Lightning speed of Konohagakure. 

Story:

- Cryaotic is famous in the third ninja world war because his undercovering skills, he graduated academy when he was 11 and got promoted to Chunin at the same year. 

- Cry got to Jounin when he was 18, not because he is too weak to be Jounin, but he mostly not around village to be promoted, Cry got sent out for undercover most of the third ninja world war. His mission are mostly A rank, even S rank because of the importance of the mission and information he might get.

- Kids like Cry alots, so Temari and Kankuro really love their uncle. After Karura died gave birth to Gaara, he has sworn that he will protect her child no matter what.

- When Chiyo-baa decided to sealed Ichibi inside Gaara, Cry is the only one who spoke up, he even smashed the table loudly made the whole room went silent, but most of them didn’t want to stop him because they all hear of blood thirsty ‘Mad Cry’

-  After the meeting, they decided to made Cry be the babysitter for Gaara after he got sealed. While he couldn't fought all of the villagers, he still helped the Sand’ siblings get along. 

- Cry even explained why Gaara got avoided and help him talk to Ichibi (which make Cry in deep shit for a while but he didn’t give a fuk)

- Because of Cry’ help, when Gaara got bullied by the kids, Temari and Kankuro have protected him. And hell yeah he is fukin proud of them. Rasa can goes fuk himself, these kids can protect them and they are happy about that. 

- When Rasa ordered Cry to kill Gaara, Cry literally just said “fuk off, he is my nephew and your fukin son” but also he explained about Gaara is learning to control Ichibi and they are no match for him, which made someone kill him could drove him into the corner and he might went insane. So Rasa has to agreed.

- After the sand sibling got to Genin rank, their Jounin is Cry.

===========

Why Cry is replace of both Yashamaru and Baki you might ask.

First of all, Cry is already an amazing uncle you can not change my mind.

Second of all, Baki in Naruto is a dick.

Third of all, Gaara deserved a better childhood

Last of all, I love sand siblings.

Also, Mad Cry <3

[thebeauregardbros]

Can you tell me about Yakuza 0? I've never played it before and would like to read your thoughts on it.

YOOOOOOOOOOO LES FUKIN GO (thank u!!)

This review is spoiler-free!

Despite what you might assume a game about a bunch of tough muscley fighting dudes, the amount of moral philosophy in this game could rival a 3-part episode of Star Trek: TNG in terms of surprisingly deep and emotional thought. The struggles the protagonists go through has a huge emphasis on honor, keeping your word, taking responsibility for your actions, standing up to things you think are wrong and persevering no matter how much pain, suffering and threat you personally go through all in the name of trying to be a good person, and emphasizing that the mental fortitude to stand for your convictions is the true strength, not just brawn. Character development is absolutely fantastic and I feel like it’s impossible not to fall for these main characters by the end of the game, no matter how weird or even pigheaded they might seem to you at first.

(Trust me, moral philosophy is probably my biggest autistic hyper-fixation. They did this shit GOOD.)

Another major reason I really love Yakuza 0 is that it takes an unusual setting to the normal person - the incredibly political, dark, yet surprisingly realistic setting of organized bullies, criminals, and the uneducated brawn and bad-attitude baddies of the world and try to show them as worthy of more as humans like you and me than just trash that should not be seen or touched. The amount of humanitarian outlook on these people and the humanitarianism of our protagonists is absolutely heartwrenching and beautiful. Despite appearances, anyone can be a good person - this seems to be a major message in this story which I just find absolutely beautiful.

The yakuza definitely have different rules to their world, and that is one that’s built on violence over paperwork, especially when it comes to showing eachother the extent of their passion about something. I feel like it’s an excellent way of portraying the difficulties any normal person goes through with their mental health while struggling to do the right thing in a very direct and relatably painful way that anyone can understand.

The story deals with not only the importance of preserving life and protecting it with surprisingly pacifist ideologies, but the aesthetics in align with the idea that no matter how dark the world or your life feels, happiness is always an option.

Why you might love Yakuza 0 even if the plot doesn’t sound that interesting to you:

Tons of minigames - I think about 28~30 total. That includes 4 actual vintage SEGA arcade games! There’s also tons of gambling games like black jack and shogi, fishing, rhythm games, bowling, fighting tournaments, pool, darts, stock car racing, doll dressup.. It’s very hard not to find at least one you’ll like!

Tourism. Yakuza 0 has such an incredible amount of visual detail to every nook and cranny of every corner and unseen alleyway in the town maps that it feels just absolutely insane to me. The devs didn’t need to put in all this detail but they did. I could legit spend hours in first person mode just looking at everything. On top of that, every restaurant in town has a detailed menu describing each item despite the fact that all food items are just generic healing items. I think there’s even a bar where the bartender will go on a spiel talking about certain drinks after you order them. The atmosphere really makes you feel like you’re truly taking a vacation in another place. Great for when you’re longing to see new scenery while being stuck at home all the time during COVID.

The amount of optional side quests is absolutely insane. According to a wiki there’s a total of 100 side quests in all. If you’re a fan of JRPGs or a fan of completionism, completing them all gives you a ton of extra content and side-stories that can sometimes be just as gutwrenchingly wholesome or tragic as the main plot, or otherwise be great comic relief.

Speaking of comic relief, this game is notorious for it. The main plot can be incredibly serious and stressful and the devs know that can really wear down on the mental state of the player after awhile, so seeing Kiryu dance at a disco in the most lame awkward embarassing dad way possible, or see him pick up a phone in the most ridiculously over-dramatic way for no reason, or see Goro sing lovey-dovey pop songs is just something that will absolutely kill you with laughter and joy and give you a refreshed break you need to help you be able to keep continuing on.

Big fan of seiyuu (Japanese voice actors)? The karaoke bar lets you hear your protagonists’ gorgeous singing voice. You can even invite some side characters and hear their voices too!

NOW THE FAIR CRITICISMS:

Despite the plot having a huge emphasis on how important the morality is of not killing, fighting animations are often totally lethal. Goro canonically fights with a knife and a bat by the end of the game. Both characters can use guns, swords, poisoned knives, baseball bats and other lethal items as a weapon. One of Goro’s main fighting animations is snapping a dude’s neck. Kiryu threw a dude out of a high window. Kiryu shoots at dudes with a gun in a high speed chase at some point and none of these instances are ever addressed in canon plot as having blood on the hands of these characters - no matter what, the people hurt by these things seem to be able to stand up fine later on like nothing happened. Even the main characters can get shot by an actual gun 20 times in a row and shrug it off by shoving convenience store food down their throat. It’s super dumb but absolutely hilarious in it’s unaddressed B-Movie esque hypocritical nature and became a huge in-joke with the fandom. Despite these Goofy Video Game Logic instances, the main plot (specifically the cutscenes) are all extremely realistic and well done. Actual members of real-world Yakuza say the story is pretty accurate to reality.

One of the minor characters is obviously a trans woman but is misgendered constantly by other characters, including the protagonist (though this may be a translation problem), and is the only female character in the game you can fight and have to fight in order to unlock Kiryu’s endgame fighting style (though he remarks he only fights her because she looks like she can handle herself in a fight). She does end up joining up with you as an ally afterwards without changing anything about herself so that’s a positive, I guess? SEGA is aware of fans’ dislike for transphobia and have removed a lot of transphobic content from their re-releases of future Yakuza games, as well as shown the protagonist, Kiryu, as a huge LGBTQ+ ally.

-----------------

Things you might like or otherwise want to check out relating to the same story style of Yakuza 0 I personally highly recommend:

Kyou Kara Ore Wa!! (aka, "From Today, It's My Turn!!"): Absolutely hilarious gag comedy with surprisingly heartwrenching drama and incredibly lovable in-depth characters. It’s about highschool delinquents in the late 1980s (same era Yakuza 0 takes place!). The two main characters remind me a lot of the protagonists of Yakuza 0 in that one is very straight-laced and honorable while the other is more prone to dirty tricks but still does the right thing in the end. I personally recommend reading the manga above all because adaptations cut out a lot of details that I feel add a lot of depth to the characters, but the OVA anime is pretty good on it’s own and there’s a hilarious live action TV show adaptation if you like slapstick.

Rookies: A story about an impossibly determined formerly disgraced highschool teacher doing absolutely everything he can to be the best teacher he can be. Part of his journey is helping reform a group of delinquents who have self-sabotaged themselves into having their baseball team - the one thing they cared about - disbanded. The delinquents constantly fight the teacher off, believing him to just be another adult putting on airs instead of truly caring, while the teacher perseveres no matter what to prove them wrong. A manga and live action drama - both extremely good.

[toyhouse-dramas-archived]

Ya'll are fukin insane rofl. Anon sends discord screenshots as proof and ya'll scream FAKE whilst simultaneously asking for more discord screenshots? Are discord screenshots proof or nah? Make up your minds. Where's the damn proof they're fake? Ya'll just don't like what you're seeing and thats on god.

[quantumized-insanity]

Without

anthem for the broken anthem for the woken anthem for those of us left with any empathy left after the window shifts again, how many more times can we do this, we circle disaster  like water down a drain I think ive gone insane. that which clicks has more than one name. A clock, glock a ticking time bomb, c4 see more than what is obvious he lies the world dies all to chorus of a different countries cries. Feed the birds feed the words help the mother fucking kurds. A neutral statement is left biased now.The cycle repeats and the more you put in the more get out, except for all thats there is outrage and all thats left is doubt except for all he does is chase after clout. so all we are left is without. Without a government without a leader, the red white and blue is just red black and you. Is it really so much to ask, that someone acknowledge reality here. You will not reduce reality to a position, and a truth to an argument. Today is not the day that you get to claim that the truth is merely a subjective experience cause in my experience when russia did that shit putin became truth, and all else became lies, we will not engage in your reality warping sanity corking bullshit oy ja ve oy ja ve  Bitch step off not today I will not give to your soiree not day mother fucker not today. im so fukin done with these games that you play, this system dies today. Democracy dies in darkness, not with a flash not with a bang, but with one simple saying. make america great again. make america great again said the spider to the fly. Democracy dies in darkness, was my reply. 

FEMINAZI yelled the spider at the fly.

 I sauntered off,no reply.     

[sharpeneddiego]

Hi! Could u pls write a fic for ryan bergara. Y/n is with them in tombstone and she and ryan are flirting and using cowboy accents and whatnot (they are a couple, every one knows) . The pronous can be female. Thank you. I hope you have fun writing this.

I really loved this idea! It was so fun to write, and I really hope you enjoy it anon! (As well as anyone else reading too!)

((**I PREFER REBLOGS OVER LIKES! LIKES ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED BUT REBLOGS HELP MORE PEOPLE SEE MY WORK**))

    “Hello ghouls, I’m your huckleberry,” Ryan winked at you as he said this, causing you to roll your eyes. “It’s me, Ryan.” You chuckle as he walks over to you, hearing Shane speak from outside the saloon doors. “Ho ho oh that looked good. Here I come.” He walked closer to the doors. “Hey ghouls,” He started, pushing open the small doors. “Horseshoes!” “Jesus christ, that, that’s what your cowboy saying was horseshoes?” Shane nods, smirking as Ryan rolled his eyes at the taller male. You lifted yourself off of the stool you were sat on onto the bar, spinning around and laying backwards off of the bar, facing the boys. Seeing a devious smirk appear on Shane’s face you became nervous on what he would say next. “If there’s anybody in here with us, why don’t you pull this pretty gal off this bar right now?” He spoke in a southern, cowboyish accent. Both Ryan and you look at him, shocked, Ryan walking over and picking you up off the counter. He set you down on your feet and smirked. “Don’chu worry Darlin’ this cowboy ain’t gonna let any ghouls get to his pretty girl.” You laughed at his accent, blushing.

    Turning to Shane, you both roll your eyes at the pouty look on his face. “You guys are boring.” “We aren’t boring we just don’t wanna fukin’ die, dude.” You cross your arms, smirking. “If there’s any cowboys in here lookin’ to have a good time you can follow me into this here room.” You yell in the typical drawn out southern accent, jogging off into a small room of the main room, closing the door behind you. Ryan stands outside in the main room flabbergasted, staring at Shane wide eyed. “Both of you are insane.” He smirks as an idea finds its way into his head, setting his camera down as he walked towards the room you were sat in. “What are you doing?” Shane asked, chuckling as he watched his friend turn to him, holding a finger to his lips.

    Ryan slowly opens the door to the small room, careful to be extra quiet. Seeing you standing there, back turned to him and he smirked. “Come of ghosts, do something. I don’t have all night.” You stood there, arms crossed and sighed, knowing you weren’t going to get any activity in here before it’s time to head out. Ryan places his hands on your waist, whispering a quiet ‘boo’ in your ear. You jump, squealing soft as you turn around. Upon seeing your boyfriend standing there, laughing his ass off you groan, rolling your eyes. “Ryan you ass why would you do tha-” You’re cut off as he presses his lips to yours, smirking into the kiss as he backs you up against the wall pressing you against it gently, careful to not run into anything. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he pulls away from the kiss, smirking at you. “Sorry Darlin’, I just wanted to see what your reaction would be.”

    You bit your lip as he whispered to you. If you didn’t know him you would’ve thought his fake southern accent was real. He noticed your blushing face and chuckled as he laid his head on your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss onto your shoulder. “Lookin’ a bit flustered there Darlin’” He whispered in your ear, gently nipping at the sensitive skin of your neck. He goes to speak once again but is cut off as Shane knocks on the door, startling the both of you. You both jumped and Ryan chuckles as Shane yells through the door. “Don’t get too friendly in there you two, we don’t have all night.” You bite your lip and look to the ground, blushing deeply, slightly embarrassed that you’d let yourself get so enticed in Ryan’s teasing.

    Ryan pulled away and kissed you deeply, intertwining your fingers as you walk towards the exit. He leans closer, stopping you gently from opening the door as he whispers. “We’ll finish this later,” He kisses the top of your head, smirking to himself. “Darlin’” He opens the door and you walk out before him, eyes glued to the ground. “You two kids have fun in there?” Shane asks teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows at the two of you suggestively. You try to respond with something witty before Ryan cuts you off, smirking as he crosses his strong, thick arms over his broad chest. “Oh definitely, but the fun isn’t over yet is it Doll?” You smack his arm playfully, giggling at the grossed out expression on your long legged friend’s face. “TMI Ryan, TMI dude.”

He pauses for a moment before shuddering “Gross.” Ryan shoots him a confused look as Shane continues, closing his eyes tightly. “I just got a mental image that I was not prepared for.” Ryan begins to laugh, whereas you’re hiding your face, burying it in your jacket. “You’re both assholes, y’know that?” Your boyfriend nods, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to him. “Yeah, but you love us. Me especially.” “I sometimes question that.” You reply with a chuckle, coming out of your hiding place in your jacket. Ryan makes a face of mock offence and you shove him gently and playfully. “I’m just kidding Ry, we all know how much I love you.” You kiss his cheek and he smiles, kissing the top of your head. “I know. I love you too Darlin’.”