#YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT ppl are dying

[cosmojjong]

nowadays i really don't have any patience

[soup-mother]

every single time there's a post saying "stop fucking calling trans women 'dude', stop fucking acting like masculinity is neutral" the notes are entirely full of "well... it's just how i talk", "i use it for everyone but if a transfem told me I'd stop using it", and absolutely noone who isn't a trans woman saying "yea you're right that's fucked. we really do just treat men and masculinity as the neutral default and should interrogate that".

literally every TME person on this website homing in on any given post about transmisogyny to completely miss the point or add exactly verbatim the same comment as everyone else.

if you see a post saying "stop treating gendered terms as gender neutral and getting defensive when ppl ask you not to" and you decide to leave some idiot fucking comment talking about your personal opinion on it and putting the stress on trans women have to ASK you not to misgender them, instead of just changing how you fucking talk and interact with trans women I'm not only going to call you a fucking idiot and think less of you but I'm also going to imagine you dying a very very horrible death and giggle about it with my friends.

AND if you feel the need to leave an idiot fucking comment about how "this but for girl(gender neutral)" I'm going to kill you. it's not comparable, it's not the place, fucking die.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

maaan it'd be so EASY for chaggie to end up with an adopted cannibal kid after the battle with heaven, tho

with Vaggie's past (and that being a Thing she can Charlie can talk about now), her having her big WAIT THIS IS EVIL IM BEING EVIL moment over a cannibal child she couldn't bring herself to kill....

add to that Charlie, who is now the DIRECT reason quite a few cannibals are Extra Super Dead, thanks to her inspiring them into battle with her song-

"Have you ever felt like you're willing to die-"

very rousing, maybe less fun for her to remember after some of them DID die-

oh hush y'all eat ppl im sure dying isn't the most shocking outcome of a night out that you can imagine

Charlie legit pitched facing final death as a "chance to travel" and "see more of hell" and she did it with a jolly song and dance and GOOD ON HER for getting a fighting force to protect the dream of sinners someday being redeemed! ....but yeah. kinda heavy for her to remember later on, i'd think

and Cannibal Town residents are so tight knit with each other that it's a literal PLOT POINT Charlie has to face off against- no way they don't have families, no way there weren't families broken up by the battle at the Hazbin Hotel- at Charlie's hotel

No way Charlie wouldn't feel guilty about and responsible as FUCK for any little cannibal kid who ended up orphaned as a result....

ahem

(is that kid wearing like frisbee on their head?? whatever. it looks kinda like a halo don't it. kinda ironic. isn't it)

Rosie would even have to SUGGEST anything! She's got a good read on Charlie now and she's 100% on board with Alastor's plans to "guide" Charlie (cough manipulate and use cough cough)

and what would make a better leverage point than introducing a little cannibal kid for Charlie to worry and feel guilty over? an ORPHANED cannibal kid. Orphaned by the same fight Charlie led the cannibals into. Orphaned when the kid's parents DIED fighting for Charlie

(great way for Charlie to always keep Cannibal Town in mind anyway. Good way to make sure she's protective of it)

but oh the irony if Rosie didn't even MEAN for chaggie to end up with the kid!

if Rosie DIDN'T fully understand- just how much Charlie would want to give a loving family and childhood to someone, when she herself had one and is now dealing (trying to deal) with all that crumbling away as an adult-

ALSO THO. IF. Hypothetically. the orphan was the same kid Vaggie spared. Like how many sinner kids are there in hell. Not too many running around. If it was the same kid. if Vaggie saw that

....if the kid saw her- or, no, even better- if when she tried talking quietly with them, and when they heard her voice like that they looked up at her suddenly like

cannibal kid: "...Go."

Vaggie: (instantly standing up) "Right, sorry- I'll go get Charlie, or- would you rather Rosie-" (stops) (looks down)

Vaggie: "...?"

cannibal kid: (is holding onto the end of her hair ribbon)

cannibal kid: (whispering) "Run."

cannibal kid: (hopefully) "Now...?"

Vaggie: "...you, remember?"

cannibal kid: (nods)

Vaggie: (slowly sits back down)

Vaggie: "Yeah, hey. That was... that was a thing, wasn't it. It's, been a while. Three years... didn't think you'd recognize me."

cannibal kid: "Didn't. Look different."

Vaggie: "The long hair, missing eye and missing wings is a lot of change, huh?"

cannibal kid: (shrugs) "You're happy." (sniffles) "It's different."

Vaggie: ".....well, Charlie's the one who did all that. She's, pretty great at that stuff. And she'd like make things different for you too now. If you want."

cannibal kid: "........if I stay at the hotel... can I play with Razzle every day? Not, not just when princess Charlie brings him over?"

Vaggie: "Kinda looks like your stuck with him either way to me. Maybe check he's getting enough air, stuffed down into your coat front like that?"

cannibal kid: (unbuttoning an air hole for Razzle) "But he belongs at the hotel, where Dazzle's murmur- marble- um- murder dial-"

Vaggie: "Memorial..?"

cannibal kid: "Where Dazzle's memorial is."

Vaggie: "If you're okay leaving Cannibal Town, you can belong there too."

cannibal kid: "I'm okay leaving town."

cannibal kid: (beat)

cannibal kid: "It's boring."

Vaggie: "Yeah well, the hotel is definitely not gonna be boring."

cannibal kid: "Does it get blown up EVERY week, or just on special occasions?"

Vaggie: "It sure felt like every week but we're trying to cut back."

cannibal kid: "Dang."

please imagine tho, Charlie seeing this sad orphan kid who won't talk to anyone, maybe even "hasn't so much as had a nibble on anyone, the poor little biter" according to Rosie, since being orphaned-

and the next time Charlie visits she brings RAZZLE

and she introduce the two of them, then stands back and watches her childhood plushy turned demon win over this kid SO FAST, disappearing into their tiny but fierce little hugs, getting them to share a donut with him, showing them how to do a little song and dance routine (one him, Charlie, and Dazzle used to do) bringing a bit of normalcy back to a kid who's parents are dead because of her-

Charlie thinking to herself, that the least she can do, really, is give this kid as many of the best parts of HER own childhood as she can

[hwaslayer]

love you in slow motion (psh) | three.

♡ spotify playlist | series masterlist ♡

—summary: seonghwa will go through hell and back for you, as long as he can continue to see that smile on your face. because to him, that smile feels like a rainbow after the rain, thewarmth of the sun on a winter day. because to him, you’re more than just his bestfriend—you’re love. even though everyone seems to see that except you.

—pairing: park seonghwa x f!reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) bestfriends to lovers | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 9.7k

—chapter warning: cussing/mature language, hints of a kiss (in a dream), feeling slightly hot & bothered by said dream lol, lots of overthinking (i mean lots!), some jealousy, san takes oc out to a casual dindin, ppl reallllly pushing for the oc x hwa agenda lol, some more seonghwa x oc x charli time, mixed signals, theyre both just sooooo scared of each other lol, sleepover!, sorry if i missed anything since i quickly edited to get this up 🫶🏼

—a/n: hi! sorry for the late update hehe hope you enjoy! the next updates might be a bit slower than usual (and as you can guess, my posting schedule is all sorts of messed up now 💀) but i promise i'll get them up asap! <33

You don't know where you're at. 

You're standing in the middle of the road, and it's pouring rain. You're drenched, and the only goal you have right now is to get to the house on the opposite end of the street. You start your walk, picking up your pace as much as possible to get out of the rain. However, with every step you take, you find that you aren't actually moving.

Just stuck in place.

You're trying to run now, but the house only seems to be getting further. You're dying to get out of the rain, the wet seeping through your skin; chilling every bone in your body. You feel yourself starting to cry, but nothing is coming out.

Nothing.

You're just stuck.

Suddenly, someone appears out onto the road ahead of you and you stop. You stop in your tracks, but somehow, you aren't afraid. Their figure feels familiar, their aura comforting. He stands tall, his wavy black hair resting beautifully on his head. He sees you and walks over, an umbrella shielding him from the rain.

"Hwa?" You look up when he finally gets in front of you, a small frown forming at the corners of his lips. 

"What's wrong, Y/N?" You shake your head and start crying, while Seonghwa throws his coat over your shoulder and brings you close. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I-I couldn't get to the house—" You point down the street.

"Sh, it's okay. I'm here now. Okay? I'm here." He continues to hold you close, despite your damp clothes against his own. His touch his comforting, his hand pressed at the small of your back. 

"Where were you?"

"I'm right here with you." He pulls back slightly, hand coming to tilt your chin. "I'm always right here." His thumb gently caresses your chin. Before you know it, his lips are inches away from yours, seconds away from crashing into yours. 

And it happens.

Seonghwa presses his lips to yours and you can't describe the feeling running through your body—

This is by far the second, or third dream you've had with Seonghwa recently, and you're not sure what your mind is trying to tell you. But, you're caught off guard when you realize your heart is thumping out of your chest, and there's this weird aching sensation in between your—

"Shit." You gasp, feeling flustered that you're finding your body reacting to Seonghwa in this way. You dig your head into the pillow, groaning at the thought of seeing Seonghwa in a new light.

But, the thought was here. It had made a home in that itty bitty corner of your brain, now on a mission to haunt you forever. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was time to finally face it.

You turn onto your back, staring at the ceiling. It's randomly 3:34am in the morning, and you don't seem to be the least bit sleepy. You let out a heavy sigh and pick up your phone, pulling up your call log and almost pressing Hwa's name by instinct.

Pause.

You've always called Seonghwa when you've had a bad dream, when you simply couldn't sleep, when you just needed company; but tonight, you weren't sure what you were gonna call Seonghwa for.

You just know you're longing for him. Specific reasoning unknown.

"Hwa." You kinda whine into the phone, but Seonghwa is too busy moving around in his bed.

"Mmm? Is everything okay?" He groans even though he picks up like he always does— even if he's half-asleep and on the verge of falling back asleep in 0.2 seconds.

"I can't sleep."

"Bad dream or something? Where's Charli?" You hear him mumble against his pillow, but it's still clear enough for you to hear.

"Yaya wanted her tonight." You turn onto your side, letting the phone sit on the edge of your pillow. "And uh, no. I just woke up randomly."

"So.. try shutting your eyes, Y/N." He sighs a bit.

"I can't. Can you stay on the phone with me for at least 5 minutes?"

"I'm here, aren't I? What's gotten you so shaken up?" He finally hears it in your voice, another small whine and a drip of neediness. And for you, Hwa knows that only means two things:

Something bad happened.

Or, something good that you can't make sense of.

"Nothing."

"Okay." He lets it go. "Maybe you should drink melatonin or tea before bed again." He mumbles again.

"Yeah." You lay on your back again, shutting your eyes as you listen to Seonghwa breathe softly through the phone. It isn't long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, immediately finding comfort in Seonghwa's soft snores. 

The next morning, Seonghwa vaguely remembers the phone call, and for a second, he thinks it's a dream. But, when he turns over and sees his phone still connected to the call, he smiles to himself as it's his turn to listen to your soft snores.

He's glad you were able to fall back asleep. It normally doesn't take much, but he takes some kind of pride knowing he's always the first thing that comes to mind when you need comfort, safety. He feels something swell in his chest, and he's not sure what to make out of it.

What to do with it.

When he feels confident that you'd be okay, he ends the call and gets himself up for the day— barely ready to face another day of work. He doesn't like when his sleep is interrupted, and truthfully, it does fuck up his mood. Kinda throws him off balance.

But if it's you, he'll sacrifice. Because he just wants you to be okay, to be happy. He's seen you cry and hurt more times than he'd like to admit.

More times than he's seen you smile.

That's all he really cares about. 

You.

"Goodmorning grandpa!" Woo smiles at him. "You look tired, what happened?"

"Just had a broken sleep, is all."

"You sure that's it?" 

"Mhm." He looks down at Wooyoung with a brow raised before filling up his water bottle. As expected, Wooyoung doesn't let it down easily and Seonghwa should've been better prepared. "What?" Is all he can respond with this early in the morning, while Wooyoung is beaming with energy and smiling all up in his face.

"Dude, just tell me." Wooyoung smirks at him. "It bothers you, huh? You didn't expect San to actually shoot his shot with Y/N."

"I shouldn't have asked." Seonghwa shakes his head. "Can you just.. get out of my face first?" Wooyoung laughs and sits on the edge of the treatment table, feet dangling back and forth while he waits for Hwa to respond.

"So. Does San shooting his shot with Y/N make you angry?"

"Why would it make me angry? If they're happy, then that's all that matters. I can't control her life, and I'm not gonna get in the way of that."

"But, your feelings." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, continuing to put a few supplies away.

"I'm not gonna be that person."

"I wish you would just tell her." Wooyoung whines a bit. "I love Sannie, but I think we all know what's truly meant to be."

"We don't." Seonghwa sighs. "Anyway, I want them to figure this out. And if it works, then it does. I'll be happy for them. Point blank period."

"It would hurt though, wouldn't it? Because it's Sannie. Not just some random."

"Course it would." Seonghwa mutters lowly, in hopes of Wooyoung not catching on. But, he does. He sadly catches on. As much as he loves his friends, he truly wishes Seonghwa could just be happy. He knows Hwa could find that in the right places had he just looked. But, he also knows true, genuine happiness would be wherever you are. With you. 

He hopes he'll see it come to fruition one day.

The more Seonghwa talks about it though, the more it does hurt him. Because one day, he was planning out how to say this to you. How to sort out his feelings, how to be honest. Finally face the fact that after all these years, he's really loved you.

Then the next day, he's having to can it and scrape the entire thing. Throw the whole damn thing in the trash. Because if it's one thing he does, it's put his friends before himself. Even if it meant sacrificing and killing himself in the process. That's just who he is and he'll remain true to it no matter how much it hurts.

But damn, does it fucking hurt.

"It doesn't matter cause it'll blow over eventually." Hwa turns over his shoulder, hearing a few athletes stroll into the training unit. "Done with this?" He looks at Wooyoung with a brow cocked up.

"Yeah." Wooyoung hops off the table and gets himself together, Seonghwa already greeting the athletes as they walk into the room for their sessions.

"What're you doing later?" Hongjoong pops a chocolate almond into his mouth as he lazily lies down on San's bedroom floor, tired from the workout session they just came back from.

"I'm going to dinner with Y/N." San gives him a dimpled, toothless smile as he stands in front of his closet, wondering what to wear for later.

"Oh, right." Hongjoong yawns. "Is it like.. a casual thing, or like a date-date?"

"Uh, I guess casual?"

"Then why are you standing in front of your closet like it's supposed to be a date-date?" Hongjoong peeks from over the edge of his phone. "And why do you look so nervous?" Hongjoong furrows his brows at San wiping his grubby hands on his shorts.

"I'm not!"

"Mhm. I'm calling Seonghwa." Hongjoong snorts.

"Why would you say that?" San whines a bit. "Can you be honest with me? Is this wrong?"

"I thought it was a casual thing!" San groans.

"It is! But I swear, no matter what, I always feel a little guilty because of Hwa."

"You know for the most part, everyone's just teasing, right?"

"Right, but..?"

"But you know how those two are." Hongjoong sits up. "I don't even mean to discourage you because I know Seonghwa would tell you to go for it.. but you and I both know he's had it for her for years."

"Yeaaaah." San elongates his response with a sigh mixed in. "I don't know. I thought I'd just try and see where things go. I'm not gonna lie, I'm curious even though I probably will never amount to Hwa."

"Don't say that, dude." Hongjoong lets out a small chuckle. "It's just their dynamic, how they are. But, it seems to be fine for them both? At the end of the day, I know Seonghwa would just want Y/N to be happy and that's all that matters. Whatever that looks like."

"Has she ever talked about it? I haven't been here so I don't really know what's been going on between them."

"Nah. Quite frankly, it's the elephant in the room that no one wants to address."

"So, they've just been like that? Nothing's actually changed?"

"Nope. Same ol' Y/N and Seonghwa you know."

"Has Hwa dated anyone?"

"I mean, he's messed around but he hasn't really seriously dated anyone since Linh."

"Okay, so awhile." San nods to himself. "Damn, I don't know. Should I try asking her about it? We are catching up, that's really the main point of this."

"Sure?" Hongjoong shrugs. "I doubt she'd say anything though. Babygirl hasn't opened up to anyone about that and I don't think she will. Just go and enjoy your dinner with Y/N. Whatever happens, happens. Seonghwa will be Seonghwa, and he'll be supportive no matter what." San shakes his head.

"Yeah, I guess so. I just feel kinda bad for even having the thought."

"Seriously. It'll be fine. He'd tell you the same thing, I promise." San shrugs, pushing the idea to the back of his mind. The whole point was to mainly have time to catch up alone, though San isn't gonna shy away from the fact that he is curious to see if he'd have a chance with you.

He knows Hwa would be supportive, but it doesn't stop him from feeling bad. He doesn't wanna hurt anyone, especially friends he hasn't seen in years.

"Should I just wear this sweater?" San turns to Hongjoong, flashing a black sweater his way. Hongjoong is quick to give him a look, immediately shaking his head before laying back down onto the ground; hand tucked behind his head.

"Ew, no. Just throw on a shirt and wear that jacket or something." Joong points at San's black leather jacket. "Black jeans, boots. Simple, but nice."

"You're good at this."

"I thought you'd learn a few things in Barcelona over the past years." Joong shuts his eyes and lets out a sigh. "Guess not."

"Fuck you, dude." San scoffs, heading to the bathroom to get ready. 

It's another 30 minutes before San is finally satisfied with how he looks, rushing Hongjoong out of the door as he grabs his keys and wallet. He's shooting a text your way to let you know he'll be there in a few minutes, and that he'd like to say hi to Yaya and Charli before taking you away for dinner. You simply chuckle and set your phone aside, walking into a cloud of perfume before dabbing some lip gloss onto your lips.

"Who are you eating with, Titi Y/N?"

"One of my good friends, San. You'll meet him soon. He's going to come say hi."

"San?"

"Mhm."

"Is Uncle Hwa his friend, too?"

"Yes." You look at her and brush her hair back. "They're really good friends."

"Is Uncle Hwa going?"

"No, pea."

"Why not?"

"Uncle Hwa has other things to do, too."

"But, Uncle Hwa is always with you—" At this point, Yaya gently knocks on the door and pokes her head in, calling for Charli to come towards her.

"Chacha, let's go." Yaya takes her hand. "We can watch a movie until Auntie Y/N comes back." Yaya looks at you. "Is Sannie almost here? I want to see him—"

"Well, speaking of him." You look over her shoulder and wave at San, who is shyly smiling and waving back. He digs his hands into his pockets and walks over, a subtle rosy tint settling on the surface of his cheeks. It's been a long time, he feels. He hopes Yaya still remembers him and adores him the same way.

"Oh, my Sannie." She says, cupping his cheeks. "It's been awhile, look at you! Still so, so handsome!" He shyly chuckles.

"Hi Yaya. It's nice to see you, too." She dusts off his jacket and continues to throw small compliments his way.

"Promise me you'll stick around next time. I wanna hear your stories, too. I'm sure it was beautiful in Barcelona."

"Yeah, it was fun! It's a date." He smiles before shifting his attention to you and Charli, who is shyly pressing herself against your legs while quietly observing him. "Is this the cutie I've heard all about? Charli?"

"Sure is." You gently squeeze her shoulders. "Say hi, Chacha. That's Titi Y/N's friend, San."

"Hi." She waves before tucking her face into your legs.

"She's really not that shy once she warms up to you." Yaya laughs. "Come on, pea. I've got our movie and popcorn ready to go." She runs to Yaya and grabs her hand. "You two have a good dinner!"

"Thanks, Yaya." San gives her one last hug before waving at Charli. "Shall we?" You nod, walking alongside of him to the car. As always, San opens your door first before climbing in the driver's seat. It's a little quiet and awkward at first because it has been some years since you two have talked. You're sure things have changed for San and vice versa.

But, when you get to the restaurant, you realize he's still the same San you've known all these years.

He awkwardly swings his arm around you, giving your shoulder a small squeeze as you enter the restaurant. He's stiff, unsure of what to do with himself around you, and it kinda makes you giggle.

He's always been like that.

When the host brings you towards the back to your table, his hand slips into yours and it feels.. unnatural for whatever reason. Everything just seems too forced for two people who probably truly adore each other as friends and nothing more. Which, is fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Reality hits you quick when you sit and smile at San in front of you. You know it's not a serious date, and you feel a tad bit bad feeling relieved that it isn't. Even though San looks incredibly good and so, so handsome, the initial infatuation has slipped away from you because San is one of your bestfriends and that's how you've always cherished him.

"So." You giggle when he flips through the menu and shifts in the seat. "How's everything been, Y/N?"

"I don't know, same old, I guess? Yaya's still healthy and going, Soyeon and Junseo are good. Charli's good. Restaurant is busier than ever."

"That's good. Yoongi's still there?"

"Yeup! Jini is there, too. I don't think you've met her, but she's a college student working part-time. My life saver honestly, she gives me a lot of breaks." San chuckles. "How's your family? I'm sure they're happy to have you back."

"Yeah, they're good. They're the same, too. Not much has changed." Your phone dings and it's Seonghwa sending you a random tweet that only you two would understand. He sends the laughing emoji, followed by another text about it. 

"Sorry." You click your phone on the side to lock it.

"It's all good. But, yeah. They're the same."

"Your parents come to the restaurant from time to time."

"I know, they love it there. They've just been so busy lately with renovating the house that they're barely going out."

"Aw." You chuckle. 

"Are you good to order?" You nod, swiftly apologizing when you accidentally kick San's foot under the table before ordering. The silence between you two isn't entirely unsettling, but it does feel weird after years of being away from each other. Plus, San feels like's trying way too hard to make this go a certain way when he shouldn't. 

He's too fixed on it.

"San." You call for him when you find him glancing out the window nervously. "You okay?" You lean onto the palm of your hand and give him a smile.

"Sorry. I'm just nervous and I don't know why."

"Don't be. We've always been friends. Nothing has changed between us." He looks at you and the statement kinda breaks his heart. Maybe you two were really just meant to be friends. "Tell me! How was the program? Barcelona?"

"Ridiculously hard. I literally had no life, kinda why I fell off the grid and barely posted or anything."

"I'm sure it was worth it, no?"

"Definitely. Everything there is so different there. In a good way, though. It felt like a breath of fresh air for me."

"Did you date anyone?"

"Uh, yeah. I guess I'll tell get into that later." He clears his throat. "What about you, though? Are you into anyone?"

"Uh, no. And, I haven't really been seeing anyone."

"Mingi?"

"It was complicated, but I'm finally done with that." You poke at the appetizer that was brought out.

"I'm glad because he doesn't deserve you."

"Hm." You hum. "But otherwise, not much has changed. I think." San watches how you quickly pick up the phone when it dings again, and although it's not really an issue, he can tell how much your body language shifts from the text alone.

It's probably Hwa.

"Y/N. You're one of my really good friends, right?" You giggle and nod.

"Yeah, Sannie."

"So, can I ask you something? I want you to be completely honest with me."

"Of course."

"Is there anything going on between you and Hwa?" You look at him, down at your phone and then back at him. Because no, you're not really sure how to answer the question. Yes, but no? If this were any other day, you'd probably answer confidently. But today, things felt different. You can't say no without automatically second-guessing yourself.

"N-no? Why would you ask that? We've always been this way."

"I know, but. I just.." He chuckles and shakes his head. "Nevermind. It's probably dumb."

"No, tell me." He looks up at you just as he lets out a small breath, cocking his head to the side.

"Don't call me lame or make fun of me, okay?"

"Sannie." You let out a small, playful but defeated chuckle. "I won't, you know me." You take a bite from your plate.

"I don't know, I'm not going to lie. I've always had a little crush on you since we've known each other, and coming back, I truthfully thought it was a phase that might have gone away. It's not. I still have that crush on you, and I thought I'd see where it goes but—" San is rambling and you can't help but let out a small giggle at how frustrated he's getting. "I— I'm rambling. Sorry."

"No, San. It's okay."

"My point is, I thought there was a chance to explore this.. this time around." He gives you a tiny pursed smile. "But, if I'm being honest. I can see the way Seonghwa looks at you. I think we all can."

"Um. I don't know what to say? I don't think he sees me that way."

"Y/N." He cocks his head to the side, giving you a look as to say 'you know better than that.' 

"Seriously!" 

"What about you, though?"

"He's my bestfriend. Of course I love him and adore him to bits." You avoid eye contact and San isn't sure why that's the telling sign for him. But, you've deflected and didn't really answer the question. So, he's not sure what else to think.

"Are you happy?"

"I am."

"Truly happy? With how everything is?"

"I-I don't know. I think so. I'm.. content." He nods because for whatever reason, that answer tells him a lot more than it probably tells you. 

"The last thing I wanna do is ruin things between my friends."

"I—We're just friends, Sannie." You don't even realize how low and pained your voice sounds when you let the response slip from your lips. "I think this is as good as it gets for us." San just looks at you because he notices how you nervously fiddle with your fork and poke with your food. Avoid eye contact. Respond lowly. Maybe you just hate talking about the topic in general. Maybe you do like Seonghwa and you're in denial. Whatever it is, San doesn't think this is as good as it gets for you two.

Which, truthfully, is a little heartbreaking for him. He kinda saw it coming. Everyone did. He just thought there was a possibility since he came back and you two were still just friends.

San can tell Seonghwa will always be number one for you. And that's okay. He's glad he is. You two work well together, and Seonghwa will put his life down for you over anyone. He's just sad because he believed he had a chance and today confirms he doesn't. He never did and he probably won't in the future. 

This is as good as it gets for you two— you two as in you and San. 

"Y/N." He calls for you once more when he notices your attention drifting off to the food on your plate, avoiding all eye contact. 

"Hm?" You hum with a tiny smile.

"You know it's totally okay if there is, right?" You sigh and shrug. "You should just go for it."

"It's just not that easy."

"Whatever it is, I just want you to be genuinely happy." You pause. "And I truthfully think the answer has been in front of you the entire time."

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" You joke and give him a tiny, toothless smile.

"I'm afraid not." He laughs.

"I missed you." You let out a breath, cocking your head to the side as you observe him. Overall, he seems okay. He seems good. He seems happy. 

You adore this Sannie, and you will always adore and cherish him the same way you always have.

"I missed you, too." 

"So, can we talk a bit more about what else you've been up to over there? Your dating stories?"

"I'd be happy to tell you more." San smiles and continues to tell you about his adventures in Barcelona while the two of you dig into your main courses. Exploring and being on his own for the most part. He finally opens up about dating while he was out there, and how he had a few one night stands. He met a girl he did actually get into a rather serious relationship with, but he ended things since he knew he was coming home and didn't want her to plan her life around him. He wasn't the type to do long-distance relationships simply because he knew he wouldn't be able to pull it off.

The rest of dinner goes by smoothly, the two of you thoroughly enjoying each other just letting things be. Dinner made you realize that you missed having San by your side, and it made you remember all the times in college when you sat up late nights talking about everything and anything while everyone was asleep. You missed having that connection with him, and it feels good to have it back.

Though, you won't lie that San is incredibly attractive and someone you'd definitely fall for in another lifetime; being this way, not forcing things between you two and rebuilding your friendship after years felt the most right.

Your heart was just in another place.

When you get home, San opens your door and gives you a quick hug and a kiss to the temple before bidding you goodnight and sending his love to Yaya and Charli. It's just about Charli's bedtime so you quickly pick her up from the house to let Yaya rest and get her ready for bed with a quick wash up. Just as you respond back to Seonghwa's text, a call comes through on your phone from Soyeon.

"Hey." You press the phone against your shoulder while you continue to brush Charli's hair before bed.

"How's my daughter doing?"

"Good. Having the time of her life without you guys, actually." Soyeon laughs.

"Well, at least she isn't giving you problems."

"How's Japan?"

"Good! Warm. Fun."

"Gonna bless me with another niece or nephew?"

"Can you not?" You laugh.

"Doesn't hurt to ask, jeez." 

"Anyway." She clears her throat. "I meant to call because I wanted to ask you about your dinner with San."

"You remembered?"

"Course I did, the heck? I was hoping to hear some juicy details by now."

"Nothing juicy. He's still the same Choi San." You chuckle.

"So, I'm guessing your little crush was actually just a little crush." 

"Hey, he's attractive." You shrug. "But, I think we're always just going to be friends."

"Hm, cause of Hwa?"

"Now, why would you say that?"

"I digress."

"No please, enlighten me. Because even San had asked me if there was anything going on between us."

"Did he now? What'd you say?"

"Yeah, he did. And I said no, because what would be going on between me and Hwa?"

"Nothing." She sighs. But the silence definitely doesn't last long. "You know what, actually. I do appreciate San asking you that question. I wish you'd stop brushing it off." You sigh.

"What am I possibly brushing off?"

"The fact that you probably have feelings for your bestfriend, too. You're just afraid to admit it because you're afraid of things changing, or that Hwa doesn't actually feel the same. We can all see it, Y/N."

"I highly doubt it, it's just how we've grown to be."

"Girl, that man will lay down his life for you and drop everything just to be there for you in a heartbeat. He's done that for you since ever. You still think he doesn't feel that way for you?" Silence. "I'm just saying. A bestfriend doesn't always have to be at your beck and call because you're two different individuals running two very different lives. But quite frankly, Seonghwa is the one exception to that. He puts you before anything and anyone without question. If that ain't true, genuine love Y/N, I don't know what it is."

"You guys make this hard."

"Do we, or are you making it hard for yourself?" You sit and pause some more, quickly running through all of the moments Seonghwa has come to save you throughout the years. Be there for you. Lend an ear. Hug you and console you. Stay up with you. Find you in the rain when your ex-boyfriend let you leave. Held your hair back during shitty, wasted nights. Catered to you while you were sick. Helped your family; Soyeon, Yaya, Charli.

He was so, so immersed in your life that you didn't even realize how much he was. How deep it had gone for you and Seonghwa. How much Seonghwa had been there for you, more than you for him. There was no comparison.

Yet, he never complained once.

He never complained about putting you first.

"Mm, well. Just putting my two cents out there. You know I love you, right? And I just want you happy. Someone like Mingi doesn't deserve a good, beautiful person like you." Soyeon tries to cushion the blow, lecture, whatever you wanna call it, by reminding you about how much she cares for you.

"I know. I love you, too."

"Well, let me know how the aquarium goes tomorrow. And think about it, okay?"

"Mhm. Be safe with Junseo."

"Will be!" She ends the call, leaving you to sit and ponder on your thoughts longer than you'd like. Soyeon was right. You were just afraid, though. Why would Seonghwa have feelings for you like that when you two have known each other for long? You're convinced he'd always see you as his bestfriend, a pain in the ass, the one that he could never explore those territories with.

Today had you questioning everything. Revisiting everything, wondering what signs you've possibly missed. Your dreams. And now, you can't get it out of your head that maybe, you do love your bestfriend. That maybe, your heart was being saved for him. You can't deny the fact that you're curious.

"What's Uncle Hwa doing?"

"I don't know, pea. Probably busy." You finish brushing her hair and let out a breath, relieved Jini was able to help close up tonight and give you a break tomorrow. You were exhausted and you didn't realize just how much.

"Can you call him?"

"Cha, I'm sure he's busy."

"Call, Auntie Y/N. Please." She whines and you sigh, picking up the phone to Facetime Hwa.

"We're seeing him tomorrow, Charli." 

"Ya, but.." Is all she responds with, eyes glued to the tv screen. "I w-wanna talk to Uncle Hwa." 

"About what?"

"Tomorrow."

"He'll come." When Hwa finally picks up the Facetime call, you're only able to see his forehead and his eyes through the screen.

"What?" You furrow your brows at his incredibly sweet greeting.

"Jeez, hi to you, too."

"What're you calling me for?"

"For the record, it's not me calling you. Chacha wanted to talk to you for whatever reason." You hand her the phone. "Here, talk to your oh so loving Uncle Hwa." He snorts.

"Uncle Hwa!" She holds the phone loosely, also only showing off her tiny forehead and eyes through the camera.

"Yes, baby?"

"Are we still going to the aquarium tomorrow?"

"Yeah, we are. I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?"

"Okay." She giggles. "With Auntie Y/N, right?"

"Only because she asked to come." You glare at him from afar while fixing in your bathroom.

"Whatcha doing?"

"Laying down. Did you eat?"

"Mama made ramen."

"Hm, okay."

"Say goodbye, Cha. We have to go to bed."

"Oh. I have to go, Uncle Hwa." She looks down into the camera, making Seonghwa chuckle at how cute she looks. "Bye bye!"

"Sleep well, pea." Seonghwa says before clearing his throat. "Actually, can you put Auntie Y/N on the phone really quickly, please?"

"Titi Y/N!" Charli yells loudly. "Phone, phone, phone!"

"Okay, thank you!" You grab the phone from her, Charli running to your bed and getting under the blankets. "What is it?"

"What time do you guys wanna head to the aquarium tomorrow? Do you wanna go as soon as it opens in the morning?"

"Why, do you have other plans?"

"No, I'd rather just get in there when there isn't a big crowd yet."

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Breakfast, too?"

"Okay. So, what time should we be ready?"

"9am?"

"Okay."

"Well." Seonghwa shifts in his position. "If you need me again tonight, don't. I'm busy."

"Shut up, doing what?"

"Busy not picking up your calls."

"You idiot." He laughs.

"See you tomorrow. Give Cha a kiss for me." You look into the camera and roll your eyes before shutting off the call and getting into bed with Charli.

"Want some more?" Seonghwa looks at Charli as she eats a tiny cut of his pancake. She happily nods, picking at a blueberry off to the side of her plate. He cuts her a few tiny pieces, setting it onto the top. "What about you?" He looks at you.

"Can I have a little bite?"

"Here." He cuts you a half of his pancake and sets it on your plate.

"Uncle Hwa!"

"Mhm?"

"Do we get to see the penguins? A-and seals? A-and snakes, and jellyfishies, and starfishies!" Seonghwa laughs and nods, setting his empty plate aside.

"Yeah, we'll get to see all of that." Hwa calls the waitress over and immediately hands her his card to pay for the meal.

"Finish your food, pea. We'll see them as soon as you do." 

"I'm done! I'm done!" She giggles.

"One more." Hwa forks the last piece of the pancake slice, popping it into her mouth before wiping away at it. 

"I'm ready!" The waitress hands Seonghwa the receipt, giving him the opportunity to sign off on their receipt copy before tucking his away in his wallet.

"Good, me too!" He smiles at her and carries her out of the restaurant. You trail behind, watching as Seonghwa points at the birds flying around near the beach. The aquarium and restaurant were nestled on a small street right by the beach, gift shops and other cafes sitting alongside of them. It surprisingly isn't too busy yet, though you know the street and the aquarium will become crowded in the next hour or so. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and turns to wait for you while Charli continues to point out the seagulls sitting on the edge of the wooden rail that lines the walkway to the beach. 

"Let me pay for the aquarium tickets."

"Nah, it's good. Don't worry about it."

"Hwa, you paid for our breakfast already."

"It's okay." He looks at you. "I wanted to take Charli out today."

"Oh, not me?"

"Not really." You playfully pinch him, causing Hwa to let out a small groan and a laugh. "I'm kidding. Seriously, it's not a big deal."

"Thank you." You give him a cute, toothless smile. After Charli finishes observing the seagulls around the beach, the three of you continue to walk towards the aquarium. Cars are slowly piling into the free spots on the road, and the street is becoming busier by the minute. The three of you wait at the corner of the street, waiting for the walk sign to come on in order to cross and finally make it to the aquarium. Just as the light turns red and switches the walk sign on, you step forward to make it across. But, you pause in your steps when you realize the oncoming car isn't stopping any time soon and Seonghwa picks up on it quick. He grabs onto your hand tightly and pulls you back, keeping Charli close to his side when the car continues to run the red light— barely slowing its speed.

"Idiot." He mutters to himself before looking at you, the both of your hands clasped together. "Careful." 

"Thanks, pichu." He gives you a tiny smile before leading the way down the crosswalk, still holding onto your hand with Charli on his other. You like the way Seonghwa's hand fits so effortlessly into yours, the way it feels so natural, so meant to be—

"Uncle Hwa! Look!" Charli releases her grip from Seonghwa's hand and runs towards the seal statue near the ticket window. Seonghwa lets go of yours in an effort to run after her and make sure she doesn't wander too far, leaving you behind; suddenly feeling cold, empty. He doesn't spare a look back at you, busy snapping Charli's pictures while she poses next to the statue. You slowly head over, chuckling as Charli directs him on how to shoot the pictures. 

"Look." Seonghwa shows her the pictures. "I'll send it to your mom and dad."

"Aw, Chacha. You look so cute. Who taught you how to pose like that?"

"You. And Mama." You laugh, fixing her piggytails while Seonghwa sends the pictures off and heads over to the window to buy the tickets. You hold onto Charli's hand as you two slowly approach the entrance, Seonghwa waving the tickets in the air to show off to Charli before handing it to the person at the door.

It's a slow start at first, with Charli glued to your hip as she holds your hand— bright eyes full of curiosity as they examine the surroundings. Seonghwa grabs a pamphlet that has the aquarium map included, suggesting to go straight into the marine life and coral reef section. As you walk in, the area is dimly lit, with the only light from the tanks bouncing off of the walls. Charli's eyes glow as she runts to the first tank full of jellyfish swimming around. She squeals when she waddles over to the clownfish touch pool, Seonghwa coming to her side and guiding her little finger across the surface to get a feel for their calcified skin. You giggle when she whines a bit at the feeling, Seonghwa reassuring her that they wouldn't bite or bother her. 

Safe to say she was over it pretty quickly.

Eventually, you reach the coral reefs. Your eyes light up as you scan the entire tank against the wall, a variety of sea life co-existing and swimming through the clean waters. You sit Charli on the edge of the rail while you hold her close, letting her get up close and personal to the variety of fish swimming around the reefs. She looks up in awe, squealing and giggling to her heart's content when they pass her by and go along their merry way. Seonghwa comes from behind, surprising you with how close his chest is to your back.

"Chacha, did you see that?" He points from behind, chest now barely grazing your back. Any other time, you probably wouldn't have cared or looked into it much. But for some reason, today is different. You're not sure if it's because of the dream you had, or Soyeon's phone call— either or, or both. But today is different. You can't help but fix on how close Seonghwa's face would be if you were to turn to your left, on how he could literally engulf you in his arms and hold you close.

And the funny thing is, you don't think you'd push him away or dislike it one bit.

As if the universe was tuning into your thoughts, a fish comes swimming closely near the glass, causing Seonghwa to press up against your back and hold Charli's hand to the surface. He doesn't seem to pay any attention to what he's doing, chuckling with Charli as he continues to tell her what kind of fish it is. This might be a normal thing to him but to you, it's not.

Because now, your heart is beating against your chest [you hope to God he doesn't feel it]. Your palms feel sweaty. You're swallowing the lump in your throat. The room feels a teeny bit hotter.

"Titi Y/N, let's go!" Chacha whines a bit. You snap out of the trance you were just in, even though Seonghwa hasn't done much to create distance behind you. He looks down at you from the side, cocking a brow when he notices your delayed reaction.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, sorry." You put Charli down, following her direction as she leads you into the kelp forest exhibit, pointing at all the different fish she sees. There's a play area off to the side that she instantly finds interest in once she's gotten a good look at the sea life, romping around and digging her hands into the different activities laid out for toddlers. Seonghwa lingers around to supervise, with you trailing slowly after you've gotten to indulge in the exhibit. You loop your arm around Seonghwa's and he lets you, keeping you close to his side as Charli continues to play around in the play area.

"Hey, thanks for taking us today." He looks down at you and lets out a breathy chuckle.

"Wow, a thank you that I didn't have to initiate? That's a first." You gently punch him.

"I'm serious, pichu!"

"It's no biggie. As long as Chacha's happy."

"Yeah, she is."

"So, you never told me."

"What?"

"How was that dinner with Sannie?" Seonghwa asks, avoiding eye contact.

"It was cool. We mainly caught up." You shrug.

"That's all?"

"Why, do you think there's more? Did Sannie say something to you?" You nervously poke at him, but you're not sure if you're helping your case or making it worse.

"What?" Seonghwa looks at you. "I'm asking you. He didn't say anything to me."

"Oh, yeah. We just caught up about life. His program. Family stuff. Things you already know."

"Uh huh." Seonghwa cocks a brow up. "Why are you being so weird then?"

"I'm not!"

"Did he say something to you?"

"Seonghwa, no. I'm not being weird about anything."

"You're also a very bad liar."

"I'm not even lying, though." You sigh and let go of his arm. He won't let up, and it's only because you're so close to cracking. Even though San truthfully didn't mention anything specific about the dinner, you've been acting weird since he picked you up this morning. The way you look at him feels different, and the way you've been latching onto him is different. Not that he's complaining, but something has shifted in the air and he doesn't know what to make of it. But what he does know is you— he knows you, so, so well, and thats one thing he won't lose at. "I just—"

"Auntie! Uncle Hwa! Let's go to the penguins!" Charli yells as she runs towards you and grabs your hand. She begins to drag you over, telling you to hurry. "Uncle Hwa, come on!" You look at him and subconsciously grab for his hand to drag him along at the three year old's speed. Seonghwa follows along, having to pick up Charli in his arms so she's able to see properly. When he lets go of your hand, your heart sinks a bit and it must have registered on your face because Seonghwa has to do a double take. He catches how your smile fades and how you awkwardly fiddle with your fingers while looking out at the penguins. You brush it off pretty quickly though, with the way you giggle with Charli and pinch her cheeks when she happily waves at them. "I wanna go see the big dinos now!" She points to the dinosaur exhibit just down the other end of the room. 

"Okay, let's go!" Seonghwa looks at you and holds out his arm, hoping that's the kind of comfort you were seeking for. Truthfully, he knows what you're asking for but part of him isn't sure why. And to be fair to you, to himself, he'll continue to keep it at bay until he's sure of what you're asking from him.

He doesn't wanna get his hopes up because it'll break him if you don't genuinely feel the same way he does.

And lowkey, he is a bit confused as to why you're acting needy all of a sudden. You've had your moments but Seonghwa knew to play it off because it felt innocent, like a bestfriend-honestly-bothering-her-bestfriend-just-because-he's-there kinda thing. Today, it didn't feel that way, especially when he looks at you and it seems like you wanna say something but you don't. Especially when you tug on his arm ever so subtly, hand teasing his so closely by the wrist.

What is it about today?

Why were you sending him mixed signals?

"What were you gonna say earlier?" Seonghwa asks while you continue to cling onto his arm.

"Oh, nothing." You decide you won't tell him about San's questions, or his sudden deep-dive into your relationship and feelings. You're hoping it stays between you two because lord knows you aren't ready to tackle that subject with Seonghwa right now, nor do you think Seonghwa would actually feel the same. Or, have the patience to deal with all the jumbled thoughts in your head about him. Little do you know. "We just caught up. That's all."

"Are you sure that was it? You know I hate liars, Y/N."

"Well, the subject about dating came up." You run through the sentence so fast that Seonghwa has to look down at you while trying to read into your expression. Whatever it was that was bothering you, he hopes you can talk to him about it. He'd be there to listen and offer his guidance no matter what. 

Always you first.

"What about dating?"

"He asked if I was into anyone." You generally state now that Seonghwa's indulging in the conversation.

"Hope you didn't say Song Mingi." You gently nudge him.

"No, I didn't." You roll your eyes. 

"Did you tell him you had a crush on him?"

"No."

"Hm." Seonghwa hums. "I still don't understand where you're going with this? What happened between you two?"

"Nothing."

"At all?"

"Look. I went to dinner with San and as I sat there, I realized he's still the Sannie I adore from years before. I just couldn't see him any other way."

"Whatever happened to 'he's so cute, Hwa'?" He mocks you. "Sannie is soooo cute, he would never date me." Seonghwa continues. "He'd never give me a chance, would he? Huhuhu—" His bottom lip pokes out.

"Quit, what is wrong with you!"

"I didn't say it, you did."

"I just realized some things, and I think he did, too."

"You're being so fucking cryptic, it's making my head hurt." Seonghwa rolls his eyes before returning his attention to Charli playing around with the dinosaur activities.

"How am I being cryptic?"

"You tell me everything, yet you can't even tell me what happened during your dinner with San without beating around the bush." You look at him with a small pout and he almost feels his knees buckling because god, he is so weak for you sometimes. But, because of that, he finds himself getting easily frustrated when you can't just be straight up with him. "So, where does this leave you two?"

"As friends. Like we always were." You tug on his wrist. "Hypothetically speaking, if we were to date, would that ruin things between us?" Seonghwa swallows the lump in his throat before shaking his head.

"Why would it ruin things between us?"

"I don't know, because we've always known each other like this. As bestfriends. It could be a dangerous thing, right? Cause we'd know too much about each other or whatever." You look up at him, and he locks his eyes with yours. He wishes he could say everything and nothing at once— but he sticks with the latter, his own example of keeping everything at bay. 

"I truthfully don't think it'd ruin anything."

"B-because I feel like it would and that's why I'm just letting things be with San."

"You sure that's it? Cause I feel like you're asking for a different reason, and not for San in particular." He tilts his head to the side, and you're afraid he's reading into your mind. He's good at that shit, and you hate it.  Because no, that's not it. He must know, that's why he's looking into your soul, patiently waiting for the truth to come out. "Y/N, I think—"

Seonghwa is why. He is the reason why you can't find yourself moving anywhere with San.

"I'm done! Let's go!" Charli runs up to Hwa's legs, interrupting the staring contest you two had going on just as he was about to carry on. You clear your throat and step away from him, focusing your attention on Charli.

"Wanna see all the bugs and snakes, pea? They're down there in that small section." You point down the hall and she grabs your hand. 

"Yes! Let's go, let's go!" She repeatedly yells. "Uncle Hwa, come on! Slow poke!" He chuckles to himself, following the both of you into the insects exhibit.

As you, Charli and Seonghwa continue to go through the rest of the aquarium, you find yourself focusing on how well Seonghwa takes care of Charli. He continues to keep her smiling; throwing giggle fits when he swoops her into his arms and blows raspberries against her tummy. He patiently walks through every exhibit with her hand in his, pointing at the animals while giving her a fun fact or two. You rarely have to lift a finger because Seonghwa continues to keep her occupied, while also keeping you happy. 

You don't have to ask for anything, and Seonghwa continues to deliver.

Towards the end, Charli asks for Seonghwa to take her into the gift shop. You find yourself wandering around, eyes fixed on the cute octopus plush they have on display. You set it down, convincing yourself you don't really need the damn thing [but it'd be nice]. By the time you've made your way around the store, you catch Seonghwa and Charli at the register— the same octopus plush in his hands. For a minute, you think it's for Chacha until you realize she already has a turtle plush she's hugging close to her chest. It isn't until Seonghwa turns towards you with a small smile, digging his wallet back into his pocket.

"Here."

"What, this is mine?"

"I wasn't the one looking at it." Seonghwa chuckles a bit. "Take it before I regret it."

"Hwa." You whine a bit, bottom lip poking out into a pout. "You didn't have to."

"You looked like you were having trouble putting it down so yeah, I guess I kinda had to."

"You paid for everything today." He shrugs.

"It's fine. I don't always find myself here, anyway." You hug him tightly, taking everything in while he pretends to be disgusted by the affection. "Please."

"You love me."

"I was forced to." You playfully punch him as you pull away, causing him to let out a small 'ow.'

"By the way, were you gonna say something earlier before Chacha dragged us to the insects?" Seonghwa pauses and he wants to yes. He does want to say something. He knows you weren’t talking about San. He wants you to know you’re all he wants. He wants to say he loves you, and adores you, and wants to take care of you if you'd just let him.

"Nah. It wasn't anything."

"You sure?" 

"Mhm." You look at him and subtly frown at the way he looks conflicted, puzzled. But, he brushes off quick cause he knows you'll read into him, too.

"Mmkay then. Are you going to stay at my place for a bit or just drop us off?"

"I'll hang out for a bit. Ready?" He looks down at Charli, who has been entirely smitten over her turtle plush these past few minutes. She's completely oblivious to you two, barely paying any attention now that she has a new toy in hand.

"Yeah, let's get out of here." He nods in agreement, crouching down to Charli's level. "Ready to go, Chacha?"

"Yes please." She nods, letting Seonghwa hold her hand.

"You tired? Did you have fun at least?"

"I did." Is all Charli says as you make your way out of the now very busy aquarium. She yawns as she holds her turtle plush tight against her chest. Seonghwa pauses in his steps and waits for you to walk alongside of him, never wanting you to get left behind or lose sight of you. Once you finally catch up, you hold onto his arm while navigating through the crowded streets. Eventually, Seonghwa has to carry Charli and hold your hand in order to breeze through the rest of the crowd. 

"Are you guys hungry for anything? Need anything before we go home?" The question slips from Seonghwa's lips so naturally, it almost seems like this is a normal, daily routine for you two. You nod though, remembering you do have a few groceries you'd like to grab. 

Seonghwa doesn't complain. 

He takes you to the market to give you some time to grab your groceries, staying in the car while Charli naps in her carseat. You're in and out, gently setting your bags on the floor in the backseat before settling into the passenger's seat. You and Seonghwa don't talk much on the way back home for the sake of Charli, only chiming in when you or Seonghwa have a pressing question to ask the other.

When you finally touch base at home, Charli wakes up in Seonghwa's arms while he carries her into your suite. You usher her into the bathroom for a quick bath before slipping her into some comfy pajamas. Seonghwa is relaxing on the couch, randomly watching Loki while waiting for you two to be finished.

"What're you gonna cook for dinner later?"

"Not sure. I might see what Yaya has. I'm too lazy." He chuckles.

"Put those groceries to use." He stands and heads to the kitchen. "I can make something, but it'll sit out for awhile until dinner."

"It's fine." You brush Charli's wet hair before sitting her in between your lap to dry her hair. "What're you doing later anyway?"

"Nothing."

"Why don't you just hang out and stay or something?"

"You want me to?"

"Why not?" He shrugs.

"Don't wanna invade your space or whatever you say." You laugh.

"I'm telling you to stay."

"Alright then." 

"Don't sound too excited, jeez." He laughs. 

"What do you want me to say?" Seonghwa smiles and gently tickles at Charli's stomach. "At least I'll be with Chacha!" She giggles as you continue to dry her hair. "Gonna wash up." He heads to your closet to go through the random assortment of bottoms and tops that you've borrowed [kept].

Throughout the rest of the afternoon and early evening, Seonghwa indulges in Charli's antics and plays along with her— giving you some time to clean around the suite and help Yaya with a few things in the house. As night time falls, Seonghwa is quick to make dinner for you and Chacha, putting all of the cooked dishes in front of you on the coffee table while you watch a movie with Charli. Once he's satisfied and cleans up after himself in the kitchen, he settles on the opposite side of Charli and indulges in Encanto playing loudly on the screen.

After dinner, you help Seonghwa clean up before you're getting Charli ready for bed and tucking her in. Seonghwa has made a little bed in your tiny living room area floor— pushing the coffee table up so that you three can lay comfortably. When Monsters University comes on, you find that Seonghwa is invested but.. isn't? He's constantly checking his phone, and you shouldn't be annoyed because it's probably the boys.

But, you are.

It's probably the boys.

Right?

Why does it matter?

"Are you watching?" You squint at him and he quickly finishes his text before he plops the phone down on his chest and looks at you.

"Yeah?"

"No, you're not." You give him a look. "Are you texting the boys?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He teases and you roll your eyes. "I'm kidding. Yes, and someone I met a couple of days ago."

"What? You never told me about that."

"I didn't tell you because it's just that. We met and we're just casually talking about things."

"A girl?" He nods.

"Uh huh. Her cousin plays for the football team and she was visiting during training."

"Oh, interesting. Are you like.. interested in her?" You divert your attention to the movie.

"Uh." Seonghwa pauses and shrugs, even if you aren't looking at him. "I'm just seeing where things go? Do I need to have a reason right now?"

"No. I'm just wondering." He picks up his phone again when it dings.

"But Uncle Hwa, I thought Titi Y/N was y-your girlfriend." She stutters as she keeps her eyes on the movie.

"Mm, she is my friend who is a girl, Chacha. My bestfriend."

"But, my mommy said—"

"Okay, let's watch the movie, pea." You cut her off and she happily obliges. "You too, Uncle Hwa." You glare at him once more before smacking him on the bicep.

"Ouch, stop. I'm watching." He whispers harshly, yet continues to text.

"Pichu." You whine "You stop." He grabs your hand before you could land your next hit. He chuckles as he holds onto it, not wanting to let go but to also make his point that you aren't winning this fight. "Hwa." You whine even more.

"I win."

"Fine." You pout and he pinches your cheek.

"Loser." He smiles. "I'm watching, okay? I'm done." He sets his phone to the side and gives you a look. "See?"

"Mhm. What else could possibly be more important than us?"

"Drama." He laughs. "Why does it matter anyway, you're gonna fall asleep in two—"

"Uncle Hwa, Titi Y/N. Movie." Charli says looking at the both of you before shifting her attention back to the TV. You pinch Seonghwa on the shoulder, causing him to silently wince in pain before the both of you finally pay attention to the movie.

It's not long before you feel your eyes getting heavy, and you hate to admit that Seonghwa knows you so well. Charli hadn't fallen asleep too long ago, sandwiched in between you and Seonghwa— her hair a mess on the pillow. She's letting out some soft snores, her hand resting lazily on her chest. 

She must've had a long, but good and fun day.

Seeing her this comfortable and content makes you even more sleepy. So much more sleepy that within the next scene, you're fast asleep with your head resting against Chacha's. Seonghwa figures it's a bit too quiet— too quiet especially for someone like you, who is the main yapper between the two of you.

He looks at you and smiles softly to himself.

His heart does a thing; it always does a thing, but in these moments it feels too intense for him to register. He just wants this.

And it's so hard for him to fight it off when there's that glimmer of hope saying you feel the same way.

That you want this, too.

Especially after today. Because he knows you well, so well, and he knows there are things you meant to say but you couldn't. He understands, though. He wants to say a lot, he's just not sure how. But god, does he hope he's right for once. 

He hopes that you are looking at him in a different light, he hopes that you've realized he'd been here all along.

"If only you knew." He whispers. "Night, Y/N." He says softly before pulling the blanket up to cover you perfectly, brushing the hair away from your face before shutting off the TV and laying on his back to stare at the ceiling.

He just hopes for you, and you only.

♡ taglist: @hwasbabygirl @fairyofhueningkai @chngbnwf @tinyteezer @everyonewooeverywhere @pearbunny @mxnsxngie @starhwahwa @woosmaid @yeosangsbbg @jycas @lyracarvahall @huachengsbestie01 @asjkdk @bintificreads @interweab @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs

[typingdyslexiaisathing]

Saving Someone Worth Dying For (Trigun 98) fic

content: Basically, Wolfwood gets saved. By Obsidian (OC) just jumping in the way and taking the hit for him. All for Vash to show up with the lost technology pod that manages and repairs the current experimental weapon that loves both these dumb dudes. Violence and blood and emergency first aide apparent. Mention of death. Mention of killing. Mention of experimentation. OC is a character that has been experimented on to now be part Plant, part other, part nanomachine cyborg. With added lost technology that is a medical pod that doubles as a travel vehicle. (since Trigun 98 has the extra weird lost tech shit and random cyborgs and stuff everywhere so why the heck not I say)

// Y'know that thing where you miss spell entire sentences cuz your fingers can't keep up with your brain so it comes out like alphabet soup? Yeah hence the name of my writing side blog ppl //

The shot rang out in the empty streets for blood to answer. Wolfwood going wide eyed as Chapel collapsed for my knees to hit the unforgiving ground. A rasp escaping my lips as the blood spattered over the dirt. Yet Wolfwood was soon leaning me back with a look of pure shock. His hand clapping over the bullet hole in my chest to then start fuming at the top of his lungs. "You stupid idiot! What the Hell were you thinking?!" Wolfwood snarled to put his forehead to mine as the tears fell from both our eyes. Yet I simply panted for air as the wind brushed past us to trace through my whitening hair.

Wolfwood soon had his coat off to bunch up the material and press it as hard as possible into the hole in my chest. Looking both furious and heartbroken as he spoke with all that pent up fear and adrenaline. "Even cybernetic nanomachines can't patch a bullet to the heart in time to keep you alive, Marsaili! Do you want to die or something?!" I got a half smile to rasp out, "Or something..." But that just got Wolfwood even more worked up to grit his teeth and hiss at me. "Damn you for always being a smartass! Damn it all to Hell! How is saving me from my own past going to work out when Vash kills me for getting you six feet under?! You even think before you jumped in the way to keep my insides from getting blown out of me?! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

I shivered as things got colder for Wolfwood to give a rending sob. His eyes streaming hot tears as he watched me bleeding out in front of him. "You shouldn't have saved me! I should be the one laying in my own blood! But you just had to- You just had to protect me! You just had to forgive me for not telling anyone about- You never should have forgiven me for- Dammit, Marsaili! I'm not worth you dying for! Not when I made the mistakes and should pay the price!" My sigh is one of loving patience as Wolfwood gives a hard sob that sounds like it hurt his throat. But he soon kneels down to shift me so I'm laying against him for both his hands to cover that bullet hole that's weeping as much as his eyes are by now. "Damn you, Marsaili. I'm so sorry. I should have asked for help instead of leaving all of you in the dark. But I believed it wasn't a real option. And now you're... You're paying for my sins... God, I never wanted this..."

Somehow, I had known all along we'd end up like this at some point. From the moment I'd woken up in that long forgotten science lab on an abandoned SEEDS ship taken over by some nasty plotting villains to have been changed by lost technology and scheming evils. The nanomachine enhancements combined with infusions of Plant cells and hardwired metals along my spine and only God knew whatever else was done. With several people from a different SEEDS ship getting me awake and out of the portable medical pod on wheels. Vash had been there to be the first one I saw upon waking. His smile full of relief and sadness to have him tell me he was there to protect me. A vow he kept for this entire time I'd been on this dustbin of a planet. yet I had known in the back of my mind that something like this was inevitable. I had been remade into a weapon slash survivor. The scriptures I still held faith in say 'those who live by the sword shall die by the sword' for a very good reason. You don't fight and protect and kill and exist in a war zone to expect to die peacefully of old age. Yet I had never wanted to have such hurt one of the few people I love. Something that I knew Wolfwood felt that same way over. But it wasn't something we could avoid easily or find a loophole to. Hence why I had accepted my death long ago.

Thankfully, my plan had not been to charge in alone. I had told Vash to be ready for the worst and to get my medical pod that doubled as a traveling vehicle geared up for the fight that was approaching. So it didn't take long for Vash to come skidding up from the main road in that very vehicle to park it right behind Wolfwood and open the medical pod carrying surgical supplies. Yet Vash did look terrified the moment he saw Wolfwood and myself to immediately get out the transfusion blood and secure the IV line into connector at the back of my neck for such emergency transfusions. Vash looking a mixture of petrified and furious as he kneeled down in front of us to shine a pen light into my eyes. "I hate it when your right, Marsaili. Just had to sprint off for me to try tracking down with the barest hint of where the fighting was. Both of you are going to scare me to death one of these days. Also. You are a fucking idiot, Nick."

Wolfwood gave a hard huff that might have been a laugh to look to Vash with a gaze that screamed his heartbreak and regret. His words also full of rending sorrow as Vash ripped open the packaging for the medical bandages. "I know that now... In all the ways you'd point out over beating me to a pulp. Just keep her alive, Vash. I don't care if you have to use me as an organ donor. Just save our Obsidian Angel..." Vash took a second to whap Wolfwood over the head before he continued with the emergency first aide. "Shut up. You're not doing that now or ever. For one thing, you are a different blood type than her. Secondly. I'm not about to kill the guy she gave everything to save. So cork it and help me-"

It was then that both of them realized someone was standing behind us. The click of a safety sounding out as Chapel stood there trembling from head to toe. Making Wolfwood gasp to draw his pistol and point it at Chapel as Vash switched out the coat for actual sealing bandages to the hole in my chest. Wolfwood snarling in pure hate, "Don't even think it, you bastard..." But Chapel all but convulsed on his feet to gasp and growl out, "I'm not! Legato! It's Legato making me move! Nicholas! Take the shot!" Wolfwood didn't need to be told twice for him to empty his gun. But he shot Chapel's hands, elbows and knees. Having the former teacher slash threat fall to the ground without any real ways of moving. Much less any ways of shooting anyone else. So Wolfwood set his gun back down as Vash got the oxygen tube down my throat and deep into my airway to have me shiver at how much that hurts. With Wolfwood shifting me so Vash could work easier as I fought to cling to the waking world and life. The oxygen tank set by us as Vash finally took a good look at me. His grimace deepening as he grit his teeth. "God... Marsaili... You still with us?"

I gave a huff to blink my eyes open and look to Vash through a haze of pain and numbness that meant I was still alive enough to be rightly not happy. With the nanomachine AI program built into my brain giving me a read out of just how bad my insides were. But since the oxygen tube was currently in my throat and all the way down to my lungs, I wasn't speaking anytime soon. So Vash took the hint to shift so he grabbed my legs. "Nick. Lift her up and help me get her into that lost tech pod. It's got scanners and an AI program that will be able to converse with us over how bad Marsaili is." Wolfwood nodded to then heft me up so they could move me. The vehicle shifting and all but unfolding in various sections for the medical pod to open up like a table. The wires and mechanical claws soon doing their thing to connect to plugs and skin as I got laid down. The computer monitor flicking to life for several displays to glow and start processing. While Vash soon brought the hand tablet out to read over as Wolfwood all but laid himself next to me to watch as the pod unpieced my top to get better readings while I relaxed into the table.

Vash watched with unblinking eyes to then shudder and huff out a held breath. A few more bags of transfusion blood soon added to my veins via the pod's whirring machinery for Wolfwood to finally speak up. "Just missed everything vital by a hair. Is that what you look so relieved over?" Vash gave a few panted breaths before answering. " I was so sure that bullet ripped open the bottom of her right ventricle. Or worse and ripped through her septum that separates the right ventricle from the left. God does work miracles..." Wolfwood shuddered to then ask, "How bad though?" Vash shifted to all but collapse into the driver's seat of the vehicle to rub at his eyes. "Nicked the epicardium close to the apex of her heart. But it's more a bare scratch instead of a hole or worse. We are never getting that lucky again." Wolfwood let that hit him to have him all but go limp into my side. His arms coming around after the table adjusted to automatically take his weight to hug me and have him start crying without a sound. The AI program that had some sentience to it crackling over the computer speaker system with that same stoic yet sarcastic voice. "Lucky in the sense that this AI running the nanomachines had enough microseconds to shift her heart that much and away from a fatal hit. Both of you need to stop with this teenage drama bullshit and get on the same page. Unless you enjoy having the few actual resources this medical pod has built in get used so frequently."

Vash didn't have the energy to argue as my own thoughts got translated to come over the speakers. But my own words were a bit more forgiving. "They got that already and will do so from now on. So instead of the lecture, let's plan for the next steps. Legato is aware of what's happened. Probably pissed off that his plan just went to shit. So I vote Nick and I go off radar and we act like I'm basically dead for the pod to get two of us gone to the closest SEEDS ship." Vash felt that hit like a punch to the gut to then sigh as Wolfwood gave a growl of noise. But Vash nodded to then swipe a waiting bottle of potent rejuvenating mineral water to chug it down and then stuff a huge chunk of dried meat jerky into his mouth to chew. Wolfwood soon sitting up to turn his gaze to where Chapel was still on the ground and shivering for Wolfwood to then nod. "It's a plan we can do. I stay with Marsaili to make sure she gets to the help she'll need long term. You take my Punisher and supplies to kick Legato's balls in and then beat your brother. We meet back up once the fighting is over."

The moment lengthen for Vash to soon be up on his feet and on my other side. His arms soon going around Wolfwood and myself as the vehicle doors closed to start driving us towards a drop off point. Having already used those several dozen wires to drag the Punisher to the vehicle and secure it on the roof. So Vash held us tight as the AI program got us going. Wolfwood gripping Vash's coat as he choked on a cough. "Vash... I will make this up to both of you. No dying or risking us anymore. Just... God... Come back in one piece. Don't let Legato or Knives or any other fucked up bastard hurt you or anyone else." Vash nodded to then get that serious air that spoke of his conviction as much as it did his righteous fury. "I promise you both. Nicholas. Marsaili. No more hesitating. The next time I see Legato... He will die... Even if I have to rip his damn head off to then crush his skull under my foot... No more watching as this evil ruins my family or my friends... No more hoping that this evil will let the ones I love stay breathing to then have that evil sunder all I love... I'm done betting on your lives and on hope that is too risky... This ends... For good..."

[ratsplendor]

Hi hello i read your fic on ao3 and leaving a comment on it wasn't enough to express my feelings. the level of insight and intelligence you have is insane. your mind is brilliant and wonderful.

i love market crash and its sequel, i think it's a brilliant and hilarious angle to approach house and wilson's relationship from. when I was re-reading it for the ump-teenth time and noticed it had a sequel i nearly had a heart attack! (nice work btw)

it works so so well with cannon to the point where it probably is in another world where the writers are more bold.

i love everyone that understands house is just a massive fucking brat that needs some stability and external support in his life.

im terrible with titles but i also loved your unconventional omegaverse fic. normally im not big on a/b/o because i don't like the dynamics it creates and it always feels kinda sexist, but i love that your wilson is still insanely respectful of house and house is still allowed his agency as a character. also few things are funnier to me than a fic tagged "no mpreg" lmao

basically thank you for your service to the world <3 you're making my uni summer holidays soooo much more entertaining

yooooo true story.. I write HTML every day as part of my fcuking job. & yet for three whole months. everything I posted. none of my social media links worked. I was missing one (1) single letter h . kill me

seriously tho I appreciate this so much. all of this to say I'm a massive dumbass and was not at all expecting my silly shenanigans in this fandom to enjoy the readership that they have. I mean y'all have surpassed my recent reylo stuff in terms of engagement, not that it matters, it's just a really hard thing to do and it means so much to me and I feel like we're all just having a really nice adventure together. it's like being in a living room having tea and parallel playing with the coolest ppl :) so thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

yeah house feels to me like the kind of high maintenance person who just needs a place they can let go. I'm that way. I hate to lose control but deep down inside I'm dying for somewhere I feel safe to give it up. while I've written a ton of d/s stuff, Hilson is one of the first times I've actually explored it from that pov: the "I'm tired, be my resting place" angle. there's just something so lonely about being the firebrand, so a hearth to lay it down on is sometimes the only thing between you and demise; not that I'm especially gifted, we're not the same in that regard, I just take on so much of everyone else's problems because if there's something I *can* do, I can't *not* do it. big ups to my spouse for being that place I can go, however brattily, to lay everything down.

whew. did not mean to expose my own baggage there. just meant to say that. idk. technically atoms never touch you know? we're made up of mostly empty space. when our bodies touch, our hearts cross that divide. that's what I really love to dig into. that's what erotica is to me. lol.

"some are wild" is the omegaverse fic (only writing it here so others can find it if they want); immediately before starting to write it, I had gone on a long, pseudo-philosophical rant on Bluesky about the patriarchy inherent in trad omegaverse. ironically I was in the midst of another doomed attempt to write reylo omegaverse, and over the course of both the Bluesky thread and my eventual discarding of said draft, I realized I'm just never gonna be able to write het omegaverse because of my own patriarchal hangups. hell. I live in the deep South of the US. shits too close to home.

so but then I was like "why tf do feral omegas get the knot cure, how about fuck you" and then I went and did all that. so yet again Hilson succeeds in excising the rot where other modes have failed.

every story teaches you something about yourself, and there are stories you can't write until you've learned certain things.

big props to everyone on Bluesky who puts up with my long ass threads about shit that probably isn't (always) that deep. and thank you, so so very fondly, dear reader, for loving the same way I do and enjoying what I make. and for your (hopeful) grace that I haven't really had a chance to let my ADHD meds kick in before answering this ask. lmfao ily 🤟

[bbygirl-aemond]

You may already be aware, but I actually found ppl going back and forth on Reddit about a post you'd made on here (re Viserys being a shite parent). It's under r/HouseOfTheDragon in case you ever wanted to check it out. I just recognized your name, as I follow you and it was shared as a screenshot from here.

lmao i will never get over how wild reposting on the internet actually is. that fucker has over a thousand comments and i had no idea until you told me just now! literally made a reddit account to try to add my voice to the din just to encourage people to discuss on the original platform so i can see but tbh people on reddit are a lot meaner than tumblr so i won't be mad if it doesn't get too many upvotes.

reddit's responses to this post is such an interesting case study in the polarization that's happening everywhere online. i get SO MANY accusations of being wildly biased from supporters of both "teams" all the time and it's funny because like am i too team green or too team black bc i can't be both right? mostly i think it's because people get really defensive when you criticize a character and assume it means you hate them. like bruh we are adults with big girl emotions can't it be a little more complex than that?

when i say i think viserys is a bad parent, i'm not saying it as team green propaganda. i've said before that rhaenyra is the rightful ruler and that i absolutely adore her as a character (let's just say aemond isn't my only babygirl). there's a reason i've written 100k+ words of fanfic designing a political scenario where she'll be able to happily rule without any of her children dying. spoiler alert: it's not because i hate her and think she's a bad ruler. and she's far from the only character on team black i love: daemon, jacaerys, lucerys, and baela all come to mind.

it's also really interesting to me that people see my opinion about viserys and, even though i literally did not mention rhaenyra, assume that i'm somehow shitting on her. it just goes to show how much they stand blindly by one team or another. that to criticize one member of their "team" feels to them like you're criticizing every member. like baby, i'm not the one making it about teams: you are! honestly, i understand why the team mentality was a good marketing move, but it really has been the death of critical thinking in this fandom. there are aspects of both that we're meant to root for, just as there are aspects of both we're meant to hate. none of these people are objectively morally good, and that's what makes it interesting, so why are we trying to pretend otherwise?

so while yes, i don't like viserys, why would i extend that dislike to rhaenyra? it's not like she forced him at gunpoint to do the things i'm criticizing him for lol. in fact, i think viserys did her just as dirty most of the time. i have another post in the works about this, but he neglected her for her entire childhood, groomed her best friend and dealt with telling her in the worst possible way, and made her heir in a bid for her affection yet did none of the actual work to honor her as a ruler. he could have made her his hand but instead he made her pour his wine?

now, again, just because we dislike part of something does not mean it's all bad. do i think viserys is generally quite a bad parent and person? absolutely. did i also cry ugly tears in the scene where he forces himself up from his literal deathbed to defend his daughter? yes. these two things can coexist.

also, because reddit is reddit, there are a bunch of comments that just miss my point about alicent and aemma entirely. i've already responded to those in a post here so i won't beat a dead horse too much. but to paraphrase: viserys married alicent because he liked her specifically not for duty or he would've married someone who wouldn't horrify the entire small council; and aemma didn't need to be alive and conscious for the pain she was put through at the end of her life. the things he did to his wives weren't necessary and i don't think we should be pretending they were.

lastly, it's really funny to me how many people incorrectly assumed i was a man in the comments. i'm genuinely the girliest girl to ever girl in real life (makeup jewelry and tits to the gods, sorority girly, the whole nine yards, i love it) and it gave me such whiplash. there's a joke to be made here about trying to weaponize male privilege somewhere.

[thebadtimewolf]

i miss my aunt but, im gradually getting my dad back in doctor who.

i realized in a span of a few seconds while petting one of our dogs why i only talked about and watched doctor who with my dad and my late aunt in terms of the plotlines that lean into gender identity and not the two other ppl we reside with (who also like doctor who but clearly have opposing viewpoints than me and my dad) that make miss my late aunt more.

like as soon as i kept saying 'her' and 'she' and donna's 'daughter' in terms of rose temple noble (literally just correcting them - even made a lil 'donna will descend on yall yall need to stop talking about her bby girl like that' joke to lighten it up a lil) here they go going 'its just my opinion but --' 'i just don't think xyz because if you're x you're x and if you're y you're y you aint 🗣🗣' '🗣oh everyone is so sensitive and clearly they're pande--🗣'

[i zoned out to play with the puppy because i came up there to talk about doctor who and how the whole plot point relies on rose's existence is what saved donna from dying like everyone thought, not you talking about you being a secret not-so-secret in two-seconds-of-conversation closet republican just because you fell out of the show right after the second ep of ninth doctor season or the other one falling out of the show simply mid-miracle day because they canceled bedlam.]'

i then left. after playing with the puppy and got hit with thinking of my aunt, i just stopped talking once they got defensive and watched at how they reacted and look like. and i left.

im not explaining (or fall inside an failed instigated argument that deviated from the doctor who ep topic from ppl who vocally are louder than someone they know is soft spoken (the loudest i go is normal volume for them) in circles something that was already explaining it rather repetitively at 80 to 100 volume with english subtitles to them.

i broke it down with my dad - the way i began with them before they shot down any further convo into it and started going into their rhetoric - and my dad got it immediately and was like 'thats cool and she and her daughter didnt die as collateral yay'

but now where i had an alternative way of talking about a sci fi show with ppl who liked said show or wanted to get back into it, im now down to just my dad who likes action shows but doctor who isnt constant action. lot more sci fi.

(he can watch criminal minds, what we're rewatching now. and shooter. and the blacklist. agents of shield at one point. he cant get into supernatural because they kept resurrecting normal humans with no default immorality. he can watch arrow, the flash (for a bit), forever, hannibal, he watched lucifer with me and torchwood the first two seasons and i watching professor t (the original, not the bbc one. it just doesn't hit like the original did) and briefly with me and my late aunt, killing eve and orphan black. daredevil. punisher. luke cage (i witnessed him binge it thrice via his tablet). he watched iron fist, he rooted for everyone else that can fight except the main)

but yeah i just miss my aunt (i have two aunts but she was the sci fi action one that passed away. the other aunt is into game shows/trivia shows.)

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Hello, how do you respond to the annoying allo comments about "dying alone" "missing out on being someone's most special person"? As a newly out aroace I feel like nothing I say is taken seriously by ppl around me, starting w loved ones

This is probably not that helpful to you, but honestly? People don't really say that to me anymore.

Generally speaking, I don't continue to talk to people in any meaningfully open capacity if they don't respect me to know my own mind. If people continue to be jerks about me telling them something--not opening something for discussion, just telling them something--those relationships don't last long.

But it also helps when you're in your 30s and haven't dated or expressed interest in dating since you were in high school. At this point, my family has at the very minimum accepted that this is just gonna be the way it is.

I think approaching it with confidence also helps. If it's something you're genuinely worried about--and it's totally fair to be worried about those things--then it's easier for other people to question it. My family and friends get to hear about my family and friends and that's that. My coworkers don't get the label words and are simply informed that no, I'm not married, I'm single and I'm going to stay single, and that's that. New potential friends are not relationships I pursue if they're jerks right off the bat. People online who are jerks tend to get blocked.

(It can be really hard to be confident when something's new. That's okay. You'll get there)

So this advice is probably not super helpful, but I think as time goes on, people will either get used to it and realize that what you've said is true, or they'll continue to disrespect you and you can phase them out of your life. I know that's harder if you're younger and newer to things and maybe more reliant on the people you have around you.

Anyway, here's a fun pop song on this exact topic.

[anonymouslylovesyou]

Season 2 episode 8 Season Finale babyy @whoblewboobear

At least ppl know they are missing

OH SHIT SHES BLEEDING

I know that Kate would hate the princess carry if she was conscious

Anthony buddy head would always look worse than they are she will probably be ok

Penelope sneak out to see Eloise

Theo and Eloise making up!

The Queen is missing Whistedown

COLIN BE NICE TO WILL DAMN IT HES TRYING TO HELP YOU

Noo Jack is leaning in for a kiss gross, kiss averted

Edwinda!! She must feel so bad this happened while they were fighting

SHES AWAKE AND ALMOST IMMEDIATELY ASKED ABOUT ANTHONY CRINGE

I forgive her she's in love I guess

Violet is such a trooper for her dumbass children

Oh my god fully if my mom gave me an apology like this I'd die in my sleep the next night

---

Ok boys break bc I'm eepy and emotional putting this bad boy in drafts hopefully I remember it exists

----

Good news did remember about this draft

Do not be rude to the tailor Eloise I mean it

MEETING PENELOPE OUTSIDE

Oo baby Eloise is heartbroken

OH NO A LARGE DONATION TO THE ACADEMY RIPP

Usually I don't care about that plotline but occasionally it fucking gets me

Straight to the Kate plotline! We're moving so fast

Not "was there something else my lord"

TO ASK HER TO MARRY YOU

TELL HER YOU LOVE HER. SAY THE EORDS I LOVE YOU

Eloise and Theo having another investigation date

RIP MOVED AWAY FROM THE KISS

And he's being mean about the breakup yikes fuck off asshole, I don't know that I mean that I liked Theo but also Eloise is literally doing her best

Edwinda and Kate relearning each other <3

Eloise sitting on that swing again where she was smoking

Oo Eloise knew that Anthony bought that seat

Oo Gregory we never see the younger Bridgertons

Violet eavesdropping <3

Kate's mom is calling her out for running away

Oo and it immediately makes her cry she has some blocked up emotions baby

Kate darling his ass did not ask you out of duty you're so stupid <3 fully your sister couldn't marry him *because* he loved you and not her

Aww Eloises family supporting herr

Eloise: Thank you for protecting me you're a true friend

Penelope: slowly dying of guilt

Oh shit Eloise is starting to put the pieces together

KATE AND HER SISTER DANCING

Oo interesting strat Colin with getting Cressidas necklaces

OH NO COLIN FOUND OUT but he's so sweet being protective of Penelope

AA THEY'RE DANCING

Anthony swooped in so fucking fast

NOT ONE LAST TIME

Also its so funny bitches never have to wait for a song to start one always starts at the perfect time

Damn everyone is staring

"No one else matters" truly the Bridgertons specifically are living inside a romcom

Crazy that's she's still lying to herself about going back to India babe he's crazy about you

ELOISE ARE YOU SERIOUS BUT ALSO OH NO WHAT A TRULY TEERIBLE TIMING FOR HER TO FIND OUT THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS COOKED

NOOOOOO MANN

I know that Penelope marries Colin so her and Eloise have to make up at some point

Go off Portia! She said we Scheme for the entire family or we don't scheme at all.

Oh no she's looking for Eloise AND COLIN SAID HE'D NEVER COURT HER

Bad day for Penelope overall

OH HE SAID I LOVE YOU JUST AS I TOLD HIM TO

And he thought he was bad at poetry

Damn who is going to promise to vex me everyday?

Lady Whistedown voice over is now Penelope!!

COLIN BROUGHT PROSPERITY TO WILLS BAR LETS GO

Oh no not both Eloise and Penelope crying!

Penelope writing a new issue :O

And Lady Whistedown voice over is back

Timeskip they are married

God Kate's hair is soo pretty

Daphne for sure knows from experience that they were busy fucking

Babes stop making out on the battlefield, fully your siblings are here

[sorryimananti-romantic]

omgg the math teacher anon was you HAHAHA i've seen you around actually (i remember once coming across your blog to have a brief look bc you reblogged sth day6 related and day6 are my ults and whenever i see day6 on my dash i just get really happy bc more ppl need to know about day6) so hi rachel!! having a familiar blog be the math teacher anon feels so satisfying to me you have no idea lmaooo

omg you wrote a lot in a month and a half i'm diving right in make what you will of my feedback ahead:

immediately, hongjoong's character is so cute and lovable jkhdgkdfhgk i love the part where he's like man i wish i could grow my hair longer TO COVER HIS RED EARS PLS THAT'S THE CUTEST THING EVER and then him being like therearestudentspresent WHENEVER HE'S BEING DELULU (like us) ugh my HEARTEU.

LMAO IM DEAD THAT ONE KID KNOWING WHY MR. KIM HONGJOONG IS BEING NICE THATS SO FKJGHKJDFGHDJ AND THE TROUBLEMAKER CALLING HIM OUT ON HAVING A CRUSH DFGHKJHGKFJGH IM CACKLING Hongjoong was now a laughingstock DEADDD. but him contemplating his entire existence is so :') you've nailed hongjoong's character!

AND OMG WOOSAN CAMEO that part is adorable BUT 'I like you more than Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N)' WHEN I SAY I GASPED I CAN HEAR THE CACKLING. THE ONE LINERS IN THIS ONE ARE HILARIOUS like pls im wheezing at the 'Some of the teachers looked at him like he had just asked out a widow at her husband’s funeral' IM ACTUALLY WHEEZING. all the staff betting on the maths teacher is so funny and also realistic bc we had sth like this in my college we had a teacher like mr. kim hongjoong who was head over heels for another teacher AND EVERYONE KNEW AND MADE BETS (they ended up married and had a baby last year :'))

aww reader having a moment to herself and hj giving her privacy :(( he's so <333 i love how he tackled that situation with the candy bar hehehehe

AND THEN HONGJOONG DYING WHEN YOU STAB HIM IN THE THIGH JSFDKHGKDFHG HAHAHAHA and hj being hyperaware and then spotting the principal with the thumbs up! well-done LOL AND THEN WOOSAN COMING TO CREATE CHAOS BUT GETTING IGNORED and then playing games?? hueheuhueheuhe das cute

AND OMG THE DEPARTMENT SET THEM UP OKAY ITS HAPPENING they got time to themselves a little date hehehehe I LOVE HOW EVERYONE IS SO SERIOUS ABOUT THEM

LMAO THEM GRADING TESTS KARAOKE MOOD AND HONGJOONG GOING

“Then what was the point?”

I love you that’s the point

LIKE KDJFGHKJFHGF INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS WINNING LEFT AND RIGHT

He was like a curve approaching an asymptote

He could get infinitely close, but he would never actually touch you

FJKGHDJKFHJKGHFGHGFH

and omg they finally got their little date :') and woosan join them sometimes LMAO HJ SHOULD UP HIS GAME BUT omg they gossip about kids now haha thats cute.

OMG HJ SAW HIS CHANCE AND TOOK IT HE GIFTED HER A PRESENT SO THOUGTHFUL OF HIM AND OMG YOU'RE SHARING A BLANKET NOW the dep head is so enjoying this LMAO AND OMG WOOYOUNG SEES THINGS DJFGHKJFHGJDFG ITS ALWAYS WOO AT TIMES LIKE THESE HAHA NOT WOO BEING A MENACE FDJKGHDJKFGHKDFJG THIS IS SO FUN

AND EVERYONE'S DISAPPOINTED IN HJ PLS KDFJHGKJDFGHFJG and omg /we/ are taking the first step now huh and we have a date but mr. kim hongjoong only owns teacher pants AND TEACHER SHIRTS KHGJKSDHGKDF he looks good in anything tho-

OMG ITS HAPPENING ITS HAPPENING AND WE INITIATED IT AND ITS HAPPENED THEY LIKE EACH OTHER AND EVERYONE LOST THEIR BETS WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS (before i forget the gifts were so cute btw) AND STOP IM SO SOFT ABOUT THEIR DYNAMICS I LOVE IT SM AND OMG THE KIDS BEING HEARTBROKEN FOR MR. KIM WHEN READER SHOWS UP WITH A RING STOP THATS SO CUTE AND THE MATH PUNS DFJKGHJKFHGJKFH AND THE TITLE REVEAL. LESS THAN THREE. I LVOE THIS SO MUCH DFKHFDHGKJLDHJ I HOPE YOU FIND A MATH TEACHER HONGJOONG TOO KJFGHKJDFHG i know i want one-

Less Than Three (Hongjoong x Reader)

~Rachel~

@sorryimananti-romantic hahaha remember how I said I was the slowest writer ever? Apparently that's not true because it only took me a month and a half to write this. I need help

Content: fluff, a whole lot of delusional one-sided pining (the cute kind though) (from him), silly middle school antics from both teachers and students, betting, friends to lovers

Summary: Kim Hongjoong teaches middle school math and finds himself absolutely smitten with you, the math department's newest hire. You're the last person to find out.

Note: This is set in an American-style middle school because that's where my teaching experiences have been and I figured my best work would come out of the system I'm most familiar with

Word Count: 11.5k

Why did Hongjoong choose middle school?

He asks himself this question every day as well

If he wanted to be a math teacher, high school was clearly a better option

But no he had started out in a middle school, promising to take a high school position as soon as one opened up

And now he was actively avoiding high school principals that wanted to recruit him

Is it because he found out the math is easier to explain and the kids really aren’t that bad?

Yeah sure

But this year he had another reason to stay

See his math department had a position open up this summer and as he got to take part in interviews to select a new hire

He fell in love

Now that was not the whole reason he advocated to hire you

In fact your credentials as a math teacher

The places you had taught before

Your praxis exam scores

Your recommendation letters

The professional development programs you were a part of

Test scores from your previous classes

The way you understood math

And especially the way you believed that every student had the potential to pass your class

All of these made you the obvious choice and everyone else agreed

But he was struck several times with Cupid’s arrows throughout the interview and that absolutely did not hurt his opinion of you as a potential colleague

On this particular morning his excuse to talk to you before classes started for the day was a test for your 7th graders

Which they would be taking next Friday

Your feedback always ended up being valuable anyway so there was no need for this to be an “excuse” but it got to be one anyway

You were typing something up when he knocked on the open door to your classroom to announce his presence

You finished typing your sentence before you looked up, and when you saw Hongjoong leaning against the door frame with some papers in his hand, you greeted him with a smile and a wave

He wondered if it would look unprofessional if he grew out his hair to cover his ears

You looked gorgeous today (every day) and he knew there was no stopping his ears from turning bright red

“I have the unit tests for 7th,” he said, stealing a chair from a desk to sit backwards on while he talked to you

“Oh good!” you replied. “I’ll take a look at those and get them back to you by lunch”

Buy lunch he thought

That sounded like an excellent idea

He should buy you lunch

He didn’t say that though

“Works for me. How was your weekend?”

And he stalled and stalled and stalled until the first bell rang and he had to get out to hall duty

At lunch he walked in again while you were putting in assignment scores and munching on some pretzel sticks

“I made a key for that new assignment we decided to add for 8th grade. Can you check answers if you get the time?”

His heart did a little flip as you covered your mouth with your hand while you finished chewing

How could you be so graceful and polite?

And your hands were so pretty wow

“Yes just as soon as I finish putting these in. And—” you turned your chair around and grabbed something from behind you— “here are the 7th tests from this morning. I added a couple notes on the integer operations review questions, but other than that, I think they’re great”

He unfortunately did need to go and eat his own lunch and fulfill other teacherly lunchtime duties so he couldn’t stall as much as this morning

But he read your notes on the way back to his classroom

And boy he could have lived in your handwriting

The pen that you used was the perfect instrument to capture every letter, every dot, every loop in a way that encapsulated your personality

And as soon as he caught himself thinking that he knew he needed to ask the home ec teacher to smack him over the head with a frying pan because wowie

He would need professional help in order to date you like a normal person at this point

Anyway he was practically skipping back after lunch because he came up with another question to ask you

There were students there so instead of using your first name he caught your attention by calling you Miss (L/N)

Which for some reason gives him more butterflies than calling you normally

This time luckily instead of giving you a new task it was a task he could do for you

“How many copies of the activity page should I put you down for?”

“Ooh good question”

You put your finger over your lips as you counted on your other hand and he had to actively look away and think about other things

There were students present after all

“Which classes are you doing it with?” you ended up asking

He used the opportunity to set a hand down on your desk and lean forward in a cool pose

“I’m making the eighth graders do it but it’s extra credit for the seventh”

“That sounds like a good plan to me. So sixty for the eighth graders and then how many do you think I would need if it’s optional?”

Oh boy he loved it when you asked for advice

It gave him the chance to look cool and smart and he always got to play it off as the humble senior teacher

“I do half just to be safe. Plus then you have extra if you want to do it again later in the year or even next year”

And then your face did that thing it did when you liked a suggestion he gave

Your face lit up with your eyebrows raised and your mouth in a little “ooh”

There were students around there were students around

“Okay then sixty for the eighth graders and forty-five for seventh. A hundred and five?”

He scribbled the number down on the copy request form

“Excellent. I’ll run this down then”

He gave you a smile and a wave as he went to attend to his own class

Which you returned

And he was sure his heart would never physically recover from the stress it was under this year

You didn’t need to know that you were the only other teacher he was sharing this particular activity page with

He would give it to the other teachers if they asked him for it but he wasn’t going to go out of his way for this one because it was kind of silly and short

But he would do anything to make your first year at a new school just a little bit easier

Back in his classroom he tried to get class started when one of his eighth graders had the audacity to raise his hand and say the following:

“You just walked back from Miss (L/N)’s class huh?”

Mr. Kim squinted suspiciously at the student

“Yeah…why”

“You’re way nicer when you go to her class before our class starts”

Before he had any time to figure out what that meant, the class exploded in giggles and shouts of agreement

“Yeah you smile a lot more this year than you did last year” a girl who had had his class the previous year as well agreed

And then from the back corner

One of the notorious trouble makers stood up

Pointed his finger up at poor Mr. Kim, who was now considering taking a high school position again

And shouted “Mr. Kim has a crush on Miss (L/N)!!!”

There was no longer any hope for this class

Exponent rules? Down the drain

Hongjoong was now a laughingstock

Irredeemable in front of a bunch of 13-14 year olds

So he stood with his hands clasped behind his back, lips pursed, and his eyes dangerously blank

It wasn’t long before kids started shushing each other

Even once they were quiet, he held their attention for a second longer

“If you have two to the fourth times two to the third, what’s the product?” he asked clearly, writing the problem on the whiteboard in new black marker

Not addressing the issue would not stem the tide of curious teenagers for long but it would have to be a band-aid solution until he figured out how to do this properly

Because he couldn’t allow rumors to spread that he liked you because firstly unprofessional and secondly what if you heard them and thought he was weird

But he couldn’t lie and allow rumors to spread that he definitely didn’t have a crush on you because firstly. unprofessional kids don’t need to know about that stuff

Like they think they’re all mature and old enough to date when they can’t even drive yet like can you imagine as a teenager asking your mom to drive you to your date with your girlfriend. Embarrassing

BUT SECONDLY

What if you heard the rumors and maybe you did like him back and it crushed your heart to hear that he didn’t like you

While the kids were working on their assignment and he was working on his computer he decided the best way to explain this to them

If they ever brought it up again

Was that they’re always in a better mood when they get to talk to their friends, right?

You’re a good friend and it’s fun working with you

The other math teachers are fun too but you’re close to his age so it makes sense that you would be closer

Yep

Good explanation Mr. Kim

Literally just one day later the kids bring it up again and they do not buy his explanation

They don’t even pretend to because their brains are not developed enough to have that kind of social tact

And the rumor doesn’t exactly spread like wildfire around the school but everyone knows about it you know what I mean

Except you actually

You’re usually very aware of everything going on in your classroom but somehow this particular subject escaped your attention

You learned early on that for some reason kids don’t have shame anymore in spilling their guts to the classroom about what they’re gossiping about

So the usual “if you can’t wait to tell your friend later then tell the whole class now” classroom management tactic is now useless

So you didn’t do that instead you just asked them which problem they’re helping their friend with and if they’re not helping their friend with math then they should get back on task

You didn’t think that any middle school level gossip could actually be that interesting anyway so yeah you had no idea that kids were shipping the teachers

And you didn’t want to know

So you stayed blissfully ignorant

While Hongjoong was lowkey agonizing over it

Now you and Hongjoong tend to eat lunch in your own classrooms rather than the staff lounge

Because why use up any more social energy than necessary right

But there is a vending machine in the staff room and Hongjoong was craving something sweet one day

And when he walked in the other teachers in there suddenly went awkwardly silent

And he knew

They were talking about him

Yeah he should take a high school position next year

Two of the younger teachers, Jung Wooyoung from the history department and Choi San from the phys ed department, broke the silence giggling to each other

“Sorry Hongjoong” San apologized “the kids are just hilarious these days. They’re so excited about you and (Y/N) it’s adorable”

Hongjoong gave them a look

“Adorable?”

“Well firstly you” Wooyoung pointed out “I never thought I’d see you fall head over heels but I totally get it. She’s super cool”

“And secondly the kids” San continued “any time you guys are talking in the hall I have all of the girls talking about it during warm ups. The boys all think of you as their role model when it comes to liking a girl”

“That reminds me!” Wooyoung interrupted “I actually did have a boy confess to a girl in my class the other day and you wanna know what he told her??”

Hongjoong’s eyebrows furrowed in a glare, absolutely sure that his reputation was never going to recover

“He said ‘I like you more than Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N)’”

The teachers tried to tone down their laughter out of respect

Hongjoong wanted to leave immediately but this stupid vending machine was having issues

“And then you know what she said back?”

Wooyoung was having trouble holding himself together

His eyes were shining a little with tears of laughter

“She said ‘That’s impossible. No one can like anyone more than Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N)’”

The other teachers could not hold it back anymore

The vending machine finally gave Hongjoong his candy bar

(Plus the extra one he bought for you)

So he made his way swiftly back towards the door

“Oh no no wait” Wooyoung called after him

“Tests to grade” Hongjoong lied simply

“No come on you have to hear this”

Hongjoong stopped at the door, fighting the urge to classroom manage his coworkers

He looked back both unimpressed and expectant at the same time

“Okay everyone raise your hands if you betted on before Christmas break” Wooyoung called out

Some of the teachers looked at him like he had just asked out a widow at her husband’s funeral

But they raised their hands sheepishly anyway

“Great yes and after Christmas break?”

The other half raised their hands, most of them looking like they wished that had eaten lunch in their own classrooms

“These are bets on when you’re going to ask her out” Wooyoung explained cheerfully

“Wasn’t someone also trying to get bets going on whether you would confess first or she would notice first?” San asked

“That was also me” Wooyoung said with a grin

The lounge door opened again and in walked the principal and one of the vice principals

Hongjoong thought this was finally the end to this stupid conversation

But no

“Oh Hongjoong!” the principal greeted him with a pat on the arm “I’ve got $50 on you dating before Christmas. Don’t let me down”

Waiting until the end of the school year to take a new position would simply not be soon enough

Hongjoong needed to find a new job or retire within the month

But then on the way back to his classroom he remembered he had an extra candy bar for you

So he made a detour

But what greeted him was a closed door with the window on the door covered

He hadn’t ever seen your door shut like this before so he wasn’t sure what it meant exactly

Maybe you went out to lunch today?

Then he could just nab one of your sticky notes and leave the candy bar on your desk with a positive message

He would rather give it to you himself, but the idea of you finding the candy bar on your desk later made his chest feel all warm and cozy so it was fine

Your door was unlocked, so he pulled it open just enough so he could see inside

And you were in there actually

Slumped in your desk chair with your head in your hands

Oh

Oh no

Hongjoong had been there before

Every teacher had been there before

The work of a teacher isn’t as easy as most people would like to believe

Especially for middle school, and even more so for math, it takes someone with unending patience and courage to help kids learn every day

And some days that patience and courage runs a little thinner than other days

Even experienced teachers wonder from time to time if it’s worth the soul that they give to their classes

The classes that seem sometimes not to notice one way or the other if you’re teaching or not

You hadn’t noticed that you weren’t quite alone anymore, so that left Hongjoong with a choice to make

Did he let you have this moment to yourself?

Or did he try to help you through it?

He closed the door as softly as he could

And then he gave a little knock to give you some privacy and some time to gather yourself

Then he opened the door and stepped halfway through

“The vending machine spat out two candy bars instead of one” he lied with a grin, holding up the extra candy bar and wiggling it between his fingers

You had sat up and were resting your chin on your hand curiously

But there was definitely a downtrodden aura about you that he couldn’t miss

“That’s pretty lucky,” you replied

He took that as permission to enter and on his way to your desk he snagged his usual chair to sit backwards on

“How’s today going so far?” he asked as if he knew nothing, setting the candy bar down on top of your closed computer

“Oh, you know,” you sighed

He chuckled, opening his candy bar, not making eye contact with you to relieve some pressure for you to keep up an act

“That good, huh?”

You laughed in return

“Just got my butt kicked by a bunch of seventh graders, so yeah, it’s kind of whatever right now”

Ah the teacher equivalent of “I want to quit my job and hide in my bed for the rest of my life”

“Oh, yep, I’ve been there more than once” he said with a nod “and sometimes there’s really nothing you could have done better, you know? Kids are just like that sometimes. It makes me glad I’m not an elementary school teacher”

“Oh my word yes” you agreed, finally picking up the candy bar “at least I can kick these gremlins out after 45 minutes and I don’t have to see them again until the next day. I can’t imagine being with the same class all day”

Did Hongjoong end up squandering his entire eating time just to talk with you and make sure you felt better?

Yes

He would have to sneak bites of his sandwich in between activities during his afternoon classes

But like it wasn’t the first time he’d had to do that and heaven knew it wouldn’t be the last

At least he had a good reason today instead of something stupid like he was lost in the test grading sauce and forgot to eat

He proceeded to get his butt kicked by his afternoon classes because he couldn’t wipe his lovefool smile off his face

But it was okay because once again it wasn’t the first time and heaven knew it wouldn’t be the last

Not long after came the hallowed and hated teacher inservice day

Professional development day

Both a huge waste of time and a relaxing little work day

The administrators usually planned a series of workshops for the morning that all looked. well. kind of stupid but it was all planned with good intention

Then it was lunch time

And then after that you had until the end of contract hours to do whatever pretty much

The math department liked to go to lunch together and then have a really productive planning meeting until people got bored and then it was individual prep time pretty much

Mostly it was just kinda nice to be at school without kids there

This year was no exception to all of this

But Mr. Principal had $50 on the line and decided to play matchmaker about it

For each of the workshops the teachers were split into groups

And you and Hongjoong had been placed together every single time

Somehow you genuinely thought it was just good luck

Hongjoong was hyperaware of every other teacher looking and pointing and giggling and you were so peacefully oblivious to it

The first workshop was about medical emergency training, specifically training teachers in case of allergy or diabetic emergencies

As soon as the nurse finished with the epipen instructions you leaned over to Hongjoong and whispered “like this?” 

And stabbed him with the fake epipen right in the thigh

Hongjoong swore he was going to die right then and there because why was that so attractive???

“Four…five…six…seven…eight…” you counted out, holding the epipen in place for the full ten seconds

And like a good patient he sat like a statue because his circuits were absolutely fried

You glanced up at his face and your expression immediately dropped

You checked the epipen all over to make sure it was just a trainer

(It was)

“Hongjoong are you okay?? Your face is all red did I do something wrong?” you worried

He unfroze and tried to undo the damage of his Little Moment but the nurse was already over at the table taking a closer look at him after dismissing the rest of the teachers to practice

She looked at you and then at Hongjoong and then at you again and back at Hongjoong and a funny look of understanding came over her face

“Are you Mr. Kim the math teacher” she asked

He nodded awkwardly

“And are you Miss (L/N) the math teacher” she asked

“Yes?” you answered

She patted Hongjoong on the shoulder

“He’ll be fine in a minute or so” she reassured you, glancing up and away somewhere else

You both followed her gaze over to the principal, who gave her a bright smile and a thumbs up

Which looked innocuous enough to the untrained eye

But to Hongjoong this was just another in a long list of embarrassments

The principal had told the guest workshop speakers about him

And he had been spotted that easily

After that was administration-provided snack time

Hongjoong offered to grab sodas if you would grab chips and stuff

And at the soda table he was greeted by Wooyoung and San, who called him affectionately Mr. Traffic Light

Hongjoong resisted the urge to react publicly

Even though there were no children around he refused to allow himself to be caught cursing them out

But he brainstormed violently about the ways he could get back at them without getting caught

Truly his middle school teacher powers of ignoring were activated because those two were practically dancing around him trading one-liner after one-liner and Hongjoong paid them no mind

Until he realized they were following him back to the table where he was sitting with you

He did not need them teasing him around you so he tried to shoo them off

But Wooyoung gleefully turned his attention up to the projector screen where the groupings for the next workshop were displayed

Truly your presence was the only saving grace this day had to offer

They were in this group with you two

The computer teacher/school tech support guy was leading this workshop and he was showcasing how one might use ai in their classroom

And all four of you were totally zoned out because firstly ai in a math classroom?? For what

Chat bots are notoriously bad at math

Ai in San’s gymnasium? Once again no practical application

And Wooyoung honestly just wasn’t that interested because none of you were listening so he didn’t feel like he had to either

So he decided flirting with you was more fun

Just to make Hongjoong mad

But for all of his whispered pick up lines and compliments you had approximately the same response as to this ai workshop:

Playing gamepigeon with Hongjoong under the table

(Which Hongjoong had initiated by the way)

(And you had perpetuated after destroying him at the mini golf game)

Aka you ignored Wooyoung pretty well

So Hongjoong got to glare over at him with the peace of mind that your attention was fully his right then

San tapped your shoulder and asked for your number

Which you gave him a little too easily for Hongjoong’s continued peace of mind

But then San just made a group chat for the four of you to play uno together for the remainder of the workshop

So Hongjoong decided that actually this setup wasn’t so bad

The last workshop was unfortunately much more important so the four of you couldn’t continue slacking off

The principal was running this one and it was genuinely for the betterment of the school environment

Plus San and Wooyoung were sent off to other groups

So it was the two of you and a few other senior teachers that were going to have a discussion about one of the behavior initiatives that the school was trying out

You were the only two math teachers in the group, so when the principal passed out data that had been collected about this behavior initiative, the other teachers sort of automatically passed the papers to you

(And the science teachers in the group but that’s irrelevant)

There was only one copy of each dataset, so that meant you got to share

And that meant that you got to scoot your chairs close together to look at the paper at the same time

And even better the text was kind of small so you had to bring the papers close to your faces to read them

So the two of you were shoulder to shoulder

Practically cheek to cheek, your heads almost touching

To read this data and explain it to the less number-savvy teachers

Today was actually pretty fantastic so far, Hongjoong thought

He also wondered if you could physically feel the heat coming off of his face but that was not something he was going to let bother him right then

He was going to live in the moment

And perhaps thank the principal later

After a surprisingly productive and insightful discussion

It was finally ~lunch time~

The math department gathered up in the department head’s classroom to decide which of the nearby restaurants to choose to go to

And no one could agree

Not a single person was feeling like eating the same thing

Except Hongjoong he was agreeing with whatever you said

Not just because he wanted you to have your way but because whatever you said sounded good to him too

Maybe it sounded good because you said it but nonetheless

And then the department head said the following fateful words:

“How about you two just go ahead and we’ll try to decide on something for the rest of us

Hongjoong was suspicious right then and there that this was a setup

The department head probably had money on Before Christmas

But Hongjoong was absolutely not going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers

“I’m cool with that” you answered before Hongjoong could gather his thoughts enough to say anything

Then you turned to him

“I need to go grab my purse from my classroom. Do you need anything from yours?”

“Oh, yeah, just my wallet” he answered totally on autopilot

You stopped by your classroom first and then his since his was closer to the front of the school

He was so excited to finally realize that dream of his from a few weeks back

He was gonna buy you lunch

And not only that it was just the two of you going out to lunch

It didn’t matter that this wasn’t a date

Or that technically you were just gonna buy food and eat it back at school

It was special to him to go somewhere with just you 

That wasn’t school

Seriously he was so happy he couldn’t stop smiling when he told the cashier that your orders were together and he was going to pay

You kinda elbowed him and told him he didn’t have to do that

But he just shrugged and turned his smile on you

“But I wanted to” he replied

You accepted that

“It’s on me next time” you promised

And oh man he could have died right there he felt so complete

Except if he died then there would be no next time

But you were saying next time and it made him think that wow yeah this would happen again

You meant if it ever happened again but he was determined that it was a certain for the future

Because even if it didn’t happen by chance then he would make it happen himself

When you got back to the school the rest of the math department was gone so you started eating without them

And that was a magical moment of peace too

Just the two of you

No one around to tease Hongjoong

He could almost pretend you were just normal friends and he wasn’t head over heels for you

Then the rest of the department came back and they all had food from the same restaurant

So Hongjoong had been right to be suspicious earlier

It was most definitely a setup to get the two of you by yourselves

And he liked it so he wasn’t going to complain about it

Even though it was embarrassing

Well as fun as professional development day ended up being

Parent teacher conferences were not

Hongjoong was looking forward to more Mr. Principal shenanigans

Like maybe when all the teachers were in the gym yours and his table could be next to each other

And he could talk to you when neither of you had any parents

And when the night was wrapping up

And he could walk you out to your car because it was dark

And maybe treat you to dinner because the school-provided food wasn’t usually that great

But no

None of that could happen

Because someone had decided to have teachers stay in their classrooms for conferences this year

The parents would have the wonderful opportunity to get lost in their child’s school trying to find all of their classes

What a joke

They were probably going to get so many complaints they would switch it back to normal next semester

But the one time Hongjoong was looking forward to parent teacher conferences

Of course

Was the one time they had to switch it up

The one silver lining in this was the teachers complaining about it together

Hongjoong’s favorite email he had ever received was now from Wooyoung

Who was replying to the email notifying teachers of the different setup this year but just to Hongjoong

In all lowercase:

“hey loverboy u see this crap

math teacher romancephobic fr smh”

And then with his full professional email signature at the bottom

This precious email was moved to Hongjoong’s funny emails folder, which was usually reserved for unhinged student emails

He did not reply to it

San and the other phys ed teachers were joking about how nice it would be to have the gym to themselves for once but they were in agreement that this probably wouldn’t last

Of course the math department had tests scheduled across all the grades right before conferences

Which of course left everyone grading like crazy

And of course the kids trashed the classrooms the day before

And of course the head janitor ended up getting sick

So it was up to the teachers to make sure their classrooms didn’t look like trash

Even though they had 150+ tests to grade and a pile of late work to grade

And they had 24 hours (7 of which were going to be spent teaching, and hopefully 7-8 would be spent sleeping) to make this all work before parents started showing up at 4 o’clock tomorrow afternoon

What a time this was going to be

So Hongjoong picked up his pile of tests and went to your classroom

Predictably you were grading tests

He stole a student desk and moved it close to your desk

“Which tests are you working on?” he asked

“Eighth” you replied, not looking up from the test you were currently grading

“How does this sound” he began “I’ll take your seventh and you take my eighth so we don’t have to switch answer keys?”

Still barely looking up, you handed him three binder-clipped stacks of paper

“As long as you don’t mind working to music” you replied, your eyebrows raising as a little smile played on your lips

He took your tests and handed you his eighth grade tests

(This worked out nicely as you both had three classes of seventh and two classes of eighth. He was tricking you into letting him take the heavier load ohoho so sneaky)

(He was just lucky you were grading eighth instead of seventh first)

“Don’t mind?” he snickered, uncapping his favorite felt-tip grading pen “I’d prefer it”

And that’s how speed grading turned into karaoke

Grading went almost certainly slower than it would have if you had worked alone but it was way more fun this way

Of course he ended up with sixty some more tests to grade than you

So when you finished you left for a bit and came back with snacks

As well as his pile of late work

He tried to protest but no no

“You’re not nearly as sneaky as you think you are Mr. Kim” you teased him “You thought you could fool a math teacher into thinking we had an equal workload here?”

“That wasn’t the point” he whined, trying to put the cap back on his pen and inking his finger instead

“Then what was the point?”

I love you that’s the point

But what was the point actually

What was a point he could believably tell you without giving himself away

“Just…because” he said convincingly, shrugging his shoulders and settling back into his tests “You look stressed these days. Wanted to do something nice I guess”

You brandished his late work stack again

“So I’m going to do something nice too”

Yeah he probably wouldn’t ever feel this way about anyone ever again

For him at this point it was you or nothing

But the problem was he was willing to let it be nothing for far too long

He would never make a single move unless he knew you were okay with it

Because if he and his stupid heart ruined whatever you had going now then it would really be nothing

He wouldn’t give up the something he still had

He was like a curve approaching an asymptote

He could get infinitely close, but he would never actually touch you

After settling your gradebooks for tomorrow you started by picking up your classroom together

This did go faster with music by the way

And then you picked up his classroom together

And then he realized Hongjoong realized he could have his wish

The one about walking you out to your car and taking you out to dinner

Walking you out was easy but taking you out was another story

He would have to suggest it himself

A little known fact about teachers is that they became teachers because they don’t know how/don’t want to talk with other adults

Kids don’t judge you if something comes out of your mouth a little different than you meant it

Other adults are mean and judge you over silly things

This unfortunately meant that he didn’t know how to ask you to go to dinner with him without making it sound like a date

He was kinda just hoping a lil Kdrama moment would happen and one of your stomachs would rumble really loud so he could laugh it off and say you should go eat together

But you got closer and closer to your car and no tummy rumbling

You got to your car and no tummy rumbling

You opened your door and said goodbye and still no tummy rumbling

“Wait!!!”

He could have slapped his own mouth

You were a little startled but it stopped you from getting in your car

“Hmm?”

“Just uh…it’s kinda late and snacks are great but they’re not that filling…so do you wanna um…” he trailed off and did not finish his thought

“Wanna what?” you asked

Big boy pants Hongjoong come on

“Go grab dinner? Or something?” he finally spat out

He must not have seen your face light up in the dark

“No pressure” he added when you didn’t answer within 0.05 seconds

“No that sounds great! I was thinking of grabbing something on the way home anyway and it would be way more fun to do it with someone else” you accepted

He let you pick the place again and you drove separately because after you would be going in different directions

But it ended up being a nice little fast casual restaurant

And it didn’t feel like a date really but it kinda felt like a date but no it didn’t

It just ended up being a comfortable little outing between friends

Hongjoong knew he couldn’t stop smiling

And he wondered if you already knew how he felt about you

He was sure he didn’t smile like this at anyone else

And you were many things but dense couldn’t possibly be one of them

He knew he was the opposite of subtle

But if you were willing to spend time with him like this then that meant he didn’t make you uncomfortable

Honestly he was so used to the way you made him feel at this point that loving you from afar felt like second nature

Being friends with you was enough if he could keep loving you like this

The waiter came by and asked if it was one check or two

And Hongjoong was fully prepared to pay once again

But you beat him to it

You were already prepared with your card and everything

“I owe you for last time, remember?” you told him with a cheeky grin

He shook his head

“You don’t owe me anything”

“Well then next time it’s on you”

Hongjoong started to smile again

“Next time?”

“Well, yeah” you said with a shrug, now a little bashful “This was fun. We should keep doing it”

“It is fun” he agreed with a laugh “It’s nice to hang out with people outside of school for once”

You laughed at that

“Oh boy tell me about it. Nobody told me that teaching would ruin my social life”

And things just kind of continued like that for a while

Before you had come to the school, Hongjoong had lowkey felt like he was kind of going nowhere with his life

Any time he spent at school outside of his contract hours felt like an infringement on his personal time

Or not even at school, just away from home

He had been hoping that taking a high school position would give him back a little bit of the passion for teaching that he was losing

He hadn’t even been teaching that long it’s just that the profession really is like that

Indescribably rewarding and incredibly draining all at the same time

(Especially these days. Sometimes you really wonder if it’s worth it)

But having something to look forward to every day besides a favorite class ended up being what he needed to love his job wholeheartedly again

It wasn’t just you he had fallen in love with

He had also found new friends in an unlikely place

The math department was like family and he enjoyed their company dearly

But that weirdo phys ed teacher and obnoxious history teacher had turned into excellent friends frighteningly fast

Sometimes they joined you and Hongjoong on your dinner outings

And honestly it was such a blast

An amendment to my previous statement about teachers being teachers because they don’t like talking to other adults:

Other teachers often do not count as other adults

Sometimes they do when you have to have grown up conversations

But gossiping about students does not count as grown up conversation

There were some eighth graders that all four of you had

Hongjoong not currently but he’d had them for previous classes and they were now in your class

Was it a little embarrassing as 20 somethings to have your main source of gossip be preteens?

Yeah but oh man there is nothing like finding out which of your students are lying to their other teachers about the work they need to do

Or what they’re like in other classes

(You and Hongjoong, and sometimes Wooyoung, tended to have very different opinions about some students than San did so it was double fascinating)

Who they’re friends with outside of your class

Or crushes they have on each other

Basically if you spend every day around preteens you gossip like them too

It was now November and starting to get uncomfortably cold outside

So San had offered his home as a little gathering space for you all to order food and hang out

It was almost like a little Friendsgiving

“Any of you have (male student name, obnoxious connotation)?” Wooyoung asked, taking a sip of his soda

You immediately scoffed

“I’m about to write an email home about that kid”

Hongjoong was surprised

Annoying kids existed in every class but you usually had something nice to say about them at first at least before you got into the bad behavior

He hadn’t had this particular student but he was intrigued as to why he annoyed you so much

Wooyoung and San also both looked surprised

“He’s great in gym—like cooperative, doesn’t do stupid stuff too often—” San said “but that doesn’t usually mean anything about how they are in math class”

“No he’s great in history too” Wooyoung added “finishes all his work on time, helps his friends with theirs if he finishes”

Your eye might have twitched a little bit

You let out an unamused laugh and crossed your arms over your chest

Hongjoong was fascinated and quite enamored with this new side of you

“If he has time to help his friends then he should be working on the seven late assignments I’ve been reminding him about. He hasn’t turned in anything for two weeks”

Wooyoung gasped and covered his mouth

“You’re joking”

“I’ve talked to him about it twice and I warned him if I had to remind him a third time then I would email his parents” you said, shaking your head “Like I asked him if he’s understanding the material, if he’s got something going on at home, if he needs some help, and he’s giving me nothing to go off of”

Wooyoung smiled devilishly

“He’s been lying to me, then. I ask him every day if he has other classes to do stuff for and he says no. I will absolutely be getting on him about that”

San shook his head

“Teenagers” he sighed

Everyone nodded and repeated what he’d said

“Teenagers.”

After a moment of silence, Hongjoong spoke up

“How about (female student name, pleasant connotation)?”

The mood lifted immediately and everyone gave their own version of the word “aww”

“She is the highlight of my whole day” you said

“Seriously she’s so polite and she tries so hard even when she’s having a hard time” Wooyoung agreed

“Super athletic too” San added

“Ooh and (male student name, pleasant connotation)?” you said to another chorus of agreement “He’s kind of a punk sometimes but he’s another one that always does his best”

Hongjoong smiled

Complaining was fun, but he loved the light in your eyes when you talked about the parts of the job that you loved

Anyway as I said it was November and the Before Christmas faction of teachers was starting to get nervous because there was no sign of anything happening

They saw you walk out together more than usual but they didn’t know that you were meeting up outside of school and stuff

The kids were also more riled up about it than usual

To the point where Hongjoong wondered if the other teachers were inciting chaos on purpose

It was getting bad enough that one of his classes almost failed a test across the board—on a unit about rounding and converting fractions to decimals of all things

As in the easiest math ever

So Mr. Kim had to resort to drastic measures

At the beginning of all his classes, he drew a box on the edge of the whiteboard

“This is the nonsense box” he explained with a teacherly smile

That is to say frustrated but still filled with love for his students

“Every time one of you is talking about anything that is not related to class, a tally mark goes in the box. Each tally mark represents an extra fifteen seconds you get to sit in your seat after the bell rings”

A chorus of protest arose

“I don’t want to hear it” Mr. Kim shook his head “How many of you are planning on retaking last Friday’s test?”

About half of the hands in the room came up sheepishly

“Exactly. It’s because we’re constantly off topic that no one is able to listen and learn in here. We can do better, okay?”

And then immediately from the back of the room

“Ooh, Miss (L/N) just passed in the hall!!!”

And chorus of “Ooooooh”

Whether it was true or not, Hongjoong was happy to draw his first tally mark without a word

Just that same teacherly smile

Another round of protest came and he drew another one

After the third tally mark, they shut up

“Good. Let’s talk about coefficients. Has anyone heard that word before?”

Once again I will say it was November

And the month after November is December

And December is the month of Christmas

Not just Christmas break

But Christmas itself

And that meant that Hongjoong now

After coming back from a brief Thanksgiving break

Had only a few weeks to find you a Christmas present

Now he wasn’t thoughtless like this wasn’t the first time it had crossed his mind

It had just stressed him out wondering if he would have the guts to confess his feelings for you or if he would be outed somehow first

Plus in case y’all didn’t know teaching (especially teaching around the holidays) is stressful

He just imagined Christmas as this far off date that was too good to ever come

And so he hadn’t even had time to think about what to get you

Something for your classroom?

Something for your home?

A cute accessory?

A fun math shirt?

Not a gift card though that was far too impersonal

Nothing seemed good enough for you

If he were to deliver his feelings with a gift like any of these, it felt insufficient

Most lunches the last bit of November and the first week of December

(If not spent pestering you)

He spent fretting over his Amazon cart with his head in his hands

And then the most unfortunate miracle occurred

The heaters toward the math hall decided working at full capacity was a waste of tax dollars

And the weather was shaping up to be quite uncomfortable

Everyone started to bring blankets and stuff but it was never quite enough

Your classroom was especially cold, since it was the farthest down the hall

So Hongjoong was gifted an opportunity

He went and found one of those soft and cozy electric blankets

In a color he assumed to be your favorite considering how much you wore it and how many of the little trinkets around your classroom were that color

And he packaged it like he had meant to give it to you for Christmas anyway

Then he brought it for you the next day

You were sitting at your desk in your full winter outdoor gear with a blanket that did look cozy but thankfully was not electric

And your teeth were practically chattering as you waved hello

He still hadn’t taken off his coat or his gloves either actually

He set the present on your desk

“I was saving this for Christmas but I think you might need it more now” he told you with a grin

Your curiosity was suddenly piqued

You opened the gift cautiously, glancing up at him every few seconds

But as soon as you felt the material of the blanket, you perked up

And upon discovering that it was electric you could have cried

“I haven’t been able to feel my fingers since last week” you told him gratefully “Seriously I was trying to figure out how many space heaters I would need to buy to survive the winter”

“The department head has one in her classroom” he said “If you grab your old blanket and your laptop then you can let your new blanket heat up here while we hang out over there”

What a beautiful suggestion

The department head raised her eyebrow at the two of you coming in with blankets

But she smiled too when she saw you settling down in front of her heater

“Don’t tell anyone” she said “but sometimes I take a nap over there during lunch”

“Oh I see exactly why” you agreed, sitting cross-legged and setting your computer in your lap “I can literally feel my bones thawing out”

Hongjoong settled down a respectable distance from you

But he thought someone else was pranking him when he felt a blanket drape over his shoulders

He looked around, startled, and then he realized it was the other side of your blanket

You had thrown your blanket over him to share, even though he had one of his own

And now you were pulling his arm to get him to scoot closer to you

Was this a dream??

He would not be happy if his alarm rang

But no it was real and he happily obliged

You were sitting shoulder to shoulder again

Just like at the professional development workshop

Except this time it was so warm and cozy and there was definitely a much less professional vibe

The department head raised her eyebrow at you once again

But Hongjoong was way too enamored with your shy smile to notice

After just a few minutes in this cozy little haven

Your time was unfortunately cut short

Not by students arriving to school

But by Wooyoung poking his head into the classroom

“Oh I’ve been looking everywhere for you guys”

He stepped into the classroom and greeted its owner accordingly

She nodded as if to allow him permission to enter

“They have hot chocolate down in the teachers lounge” Wooyoung informed them “I figured you icicles back here in the freezer rooms would want some but it looks like you were hiding a—” he looked down at the two of you skeptically “campfire back here”

Wooyoung clearly thought he meant something by that but no one else knew what he was trying to say

So his last comment went ignored

“Do you want hot chocolate?” Hongjoong asked you “I can go get some for us”

“No it’s okay I’ll go with you” 

Oh Wooyoung saw exactly what was going on here

Hongjoong did not

Hongjoong was a little confused—was his help becoming an awkward burden to you?

While Wooyoung saw the truth

You just wanted the excuse to walk with him

Now Wooyoung had two choices

He could step back and let you two walk down together, maybe say something to speed this math teacher romance along

Or he could third wheel

And who was Wooyoung if he didn’t pass up the chance to annoy?

Plus he had taken an oath once he started collecting bets that he wouldn’t try to swing the competition one way or another

And since telling you about the hot chocolate while you were together felt like pushing the competition faster, it felt right to pull it back a bit by getting in between you for a few minutes

So he offered hands to both of you to help you off the floor

“Let’s all go together then” he said “You should also find out if your campsite director wants any”

“Campsite director?” Hongjoong asked, shutting his computer

You also closed your computer and set it aside, looking around to figure out who Wooyoung was talking about

“Your gracious host this morning” he clarified, giving the department head a charming little wave

You both took Wooyoung’s hands at the same time and almost pulled him down with you in the process of standing up

As you straightened your pants, you asked the department head if she wanted you to bring her back any hot chocolate, to which she responded yes please

Wooyoung insisted on walking in the middle

And Hongjoong wondered if all of the patience he had acquired as a middle school teacher was going to be spent on not wringing this guy’s neck this morning

Fortunately Mr. Jung acted enough like one of Mr. Kim’s students that he was able to pretend he was one and just let it go

Unfortunately by the time they got back to the department head’s classroom kids were starting to show up so that was the end of artificial campfire cuddle time

But there was a silent agreement as you picked up your blankets and computers that you would be doing this again sometime

The first few weeks of December didn’t necessarily fly by but they did go by quickly in hindsight if that makes sense

And before everyone knew it

Christmas break was upon you

And there was no further progression of the math department couple

The Before Christmas teachers had gotten antsier and antsier right up until the day before break started

But thankfully no one had been worried enough to interfere

Hongjoong decided to stay in his classroom that day

(As if he didn’t stay in his classroom every day)

Because people had been giving him disappointed looks all over the school and he was tired of it

Even the principal had made a trip to Hongjoong’s classroom the Friday afternoon before everyone left

Just to tell him how disappointed he was that he hadn’t had the guts to make a move even when he knew the principal’s precious money was on the line

And ask him if you were secretly dating already and just didn’t want to make a big deal about it

But ultimately to wish him luck and a nice break

A few minutes after he left, you popped into his classroom

You had your bag and your coat and it looked like you were ready to head home

“Are you so ready to get out of here?” you asked

He stopped immediately in the middle of his task and slammed his laptop shut

Contract hours had ended a whole minute ago and he had wasted a whole minute still doing work? On break?

“Say no more” he said, standing up and putting his coat on “We should have left five minutes ago”

“Wholeheartedly agree” you replied “I would have but the principal visited me and I felt like I had to look like I was doing something”

Hongjoong froze

The principal had visited you too?

Why?

For what purpose?

Betting purposes?

This technically didn’t still count as Before Christmas Break right?

“That’s weird haha he came and visited me too, like ten minutes ago” he said with the normalest most unbothered tone he could manage

(He tried)

(His voice was not quite an octave higher than usual)

(Which is considerable improvement since it’s usually an octave and a half)

“Maybe he’s just making rounds” you said with a shrug “It’s nice to see how much he cares about this school. Definitely one of the better principals I’ve worked with”

Hongjoong relaxed perhaps too visibly

“Yeah if you need a guy to have your back he’s got it no question”

“Anyway if you don’t have any plans for the day after Christmas you should spend it with me”

If Hongjoong had been drinking something he would have choked

Even if he’d had plans in the first place he would have canceled them for you

“My day is wide open” he said “As is almost all of my break”

You smiled and his stomach did a flip

He wondered if it was ever going to stop doing that

He hoped not

“Mine too. If you’re bored, you can probably text me and I won’t be doing anything”

Was it cringe that he was now looking for technically his second Christmas present for you?

Yeah maybe but that was his lifestyle now

To quote N.Flying’s Lovefool “if they call me a lovefool it’s okay as long as it’s for your sake”

Even if you didn’t see him that way that was A-Okay

Anyway he found some cute little math-themed trinkets like pi earrings and a right triangle pin that said “I’m always right”

Because actually who are math teachers if they don’t like puns

And the morning after Christmas Day he wrapped them up all nice for you

And he got ready to meet you at a little restaurant you now frequented together

But this was actually like the first time he was meeting you on a whole day off so he had to figure out how to dress not like a teacher but still kinda nice

He had no idea

All of his pants were teacher pants

His shirts? All teacher shirts

He was way too good at dressing for his job

So he wore jeans instead of his usual khakis and hoped that was different enough?

He also layered one of his graph paper teacher shirts with a plain t-shirt underneath and didn’t button it up

He looked himself up and down in his mirror, trying different poses to make sure he looked like a Normal Guy

In the end he decided his hair was the only issue

He only knew how to style it in a teacherly fashion

And leaving it unstyled wasn’t an option

So he looked up some tutorials on some easy styles but he just could not see himself as anything other than a math teacher

So he gave up and just prayed that he looked okay

You looked perfect of course

The difference was subtle in theory but the way you dressed, the way you did your hair and makeup, it made for a world of difference

Oh you looked so gorgeous he was never going to get over it

Your eyes practically sparkled when you met him out front and man he thought before that he couldn’t be more in love with you but he was wrong

You did seem a little more awkward today than usual and he couldn’t figure out why

Like you almost seemed nervous

What for? It was just him

You got your food and he suddenly remembered the gifts in his pocket

“Oh!” he exclaimed, pulling them out “I know I gave you the blanket a few weeks ago but I found these and I knew you had to have them. Merry double Christmas?”

You covered your mouth to hide your laughter and your bite of food

“That’s so funny because I found something for you too”

And you pulled a little package out of your bag

Down bad wasn’t even a good descriptor anymore and neither was head over heels like there had to be a stronger silly description of being in love and if there wasn’t it would have to be invented for him

You had found him a shirt that said “Math is hard. So is life. Get over it.”

(Tbh an actual shirt that I own)

And he promised you he would be wearing it the day you all got back from break

As for his silly little gifts you adored them

You put the pi earrings in immediately and started brainstorming what do do with the other things out loud

He could not have been happier with himself

And then you caught him staring at you

You paused in your excited little ramblings

He sat up a little straighter, wondering what to say next

But you smiled and looked down at your plate

“You’re pretty cute, you know that?” you told him, unable to meet his eyes for more than a second

In front of you, his first instinct was to deny the possibility and he followed it without thinking

“Eh, no I’m not—not in comparison to you, anyway”

Hmm if he wanted to keep his feelings secret then that was not the thing to say

But you deserved to know it

Not just cute but beautiful

Heartstoppingly so

You took the compliment well anyway

“Have you ever thought…” you began, trailing off

You watched him as he waited for you to continue, his eyes wide and curious

“Never mind” you dismissed with a casual wave of your hand

“No hey what were you going to say?” he asked

“Nothing I just had a weird thought for a second”

“No no come on! You know I wouldn’t judge you for anything”

You hesitated again and he could see that same nervousness he’d noticed before

“Have you ever thought…I don’t know” you put your elbows up on the table “of us as more than friends? Like dating maybe?”

Once again he was going to be very upset if his alarm clock went off now

But even if this was a dream, there was no harm in saying it out loud

“Every day since the day I met you” he answered honestly

You blinked like you didn’t believe him

“You’d better not be joking because I mean this like I’m risking our whole professional relationship here—”

And then he realized

You literally had no idea about him

Genuinely no clue that the whole school knew exactly how you had him wrapped around your finger

Except you

“—on the slightest chance that you might feel the same way—”

“Hey” he stopped you softly “I would never joke about how I feel about you”

Embarrassment began to set in for both of you

“Seriously,” he said, holding back a laugh, “you can ask any of my students, any of the teachers. I think you were the last one to find out that I have a massive crush on you”

“Oh no you’re kidding!” you exclaimed, your hands coming up to hide your face

“I really wish I were—Wooyoung has two rounds of bets going with the teachers about when and how we would end up dating. It’s just about me though—I don’t think anyone else knew about you”

You buried your face further in your hands

“That is so embarrassing” you whined “Seriously I might kill Wooyoung when we get back from break”

“I’ll help you” he promised

You ended up deciding to tell the other teachers on account of the bets they had placed on you

But you asked them not to tell the kids

Hongjoong was comfortable dealing with them at this point and he didn’t see the point in subjecting you to the attention he got about it

Speaking of the bets

No one won any of them technically

The two categories were before/after Christmas break and you notice/he confesses

And since you confessed during Christmas break well

As tempting as it would have been to say that you two deserved the money

(Especially on those teacher salaries)

You just made Wooyoung give it back to everyone who had put money down

And honestly? Very little about your at school dynamic changed

The kids still teased Hongjoong every day about his obvious soft spot for you

But he didn’t care because he knew better than they did anyway

You did actually start to notice now that kids were gossiping about you and Hongjoong

And it was really funny actually

Especially when he stopped by your classroom and the kids went dead silent watching you

Or when you left his classroom and you heard the kids explode with their weirdo little preteen comments from just outside in the hallway

Wooyoung insisted on telling you about every time you were mentioned in his classroom

This included the story about the girl rejecting a boy because quote no one can like anyone as much as Mr. Kim likes Miss (L/N) enquote

And you about died from laughter and embarrassment

Because how had you missed every single sign thrown your way??

It was so obvious now that you were dating him and you knew why he spent as much time as physically and contractually possible in your classroom

Because like I said very little about your at school dynamic changed

He still treated you almost exactly the same way

Except now if you were having a bad day he could hug you and kiss you on the head and tell you that everything would be okay and you were a good teacher

And if he got cold he could come to your classroom and have you sit on his lap while you shared your blanket

You were very very careful with any displays of affection by the way like it was only behind a locked door that you would even dare

Because firstly unprofessional

A literal breach of the code of ethics more likely than not

And secondly what if the kids saw you???

The other teachers were whatever like you didn’t really want them to walk in on you either but at least they were other adults

But the kids??? 

There were already too many rumors flying around the school about you and they did not need a even whispering of confirmation

The end of that came of course when you got engaged like a year or so later idk and you showed up to school with a ring on your finger and the kids went wild

“Mr. Kim she has a ring!!!”

“Mr. Kim what are you going to do?? She’s gonna get married!!”

“Mr. Kim you must be heartbroken”

You had prepared for this together

You had known it was coming so you knew you had to be ready for the chaos it was going to cause

So you had decided that he would also start wearing a ring to match even before the wedding

So to all his very concerned students he got to hold up his hand and say in the coolest most chic manner possible

“And who do you think gave her the ring huh?”

It was like setting off a nuclear bomb of middle school gossip but it was so worth it

Anyway breaking the chronological flow going back in time because this needed to be the last scene

The cutest change with your at school dynamic now that you were dating was now you could exchange secret messages on sticky notes with the papers you traded

He started it by handing you a test key to check with a sticky note on the top that you assumed was a label for what the test was

But on closer inspection it was a pickup line

“The limit of my love for you is like the limit of 1/x as it approaches 0; it doesn’t exist”

So you wrote back on the same sticky note “well mine is like 1/x^2 and it approaches infinity so there” and handed it back to him once you checked his key

Not to be outdone he wrote you a new note

“Girl are you a 30° angle inscribed in a circle because you’re acute-y pi”

Oh that one was bad

You had to give him something worse

“If we’re both math teachers, how come we have so much chemistry?”

You handed him that one in between classes

And as he read it he had to disguise his sudden laughter as a cough because there were kids around and they didn’t need to be curious about what he was laughing at

His next sticky note had a crease down the middle horizontally

128√e980

You recognized it immediately but you folded it in half to reveal the secret message anyway

“I love you”

So you gave him back “I hope you like fractions because you’re my other half”

You stored all these away in a little file on your computer titled “Valentine’s Day Math Jokes”

Maybe for some future Valentine’s Day activity

But mostly just to keep them all somewhere safe where you could look at them any time you wanted

Without some kid being like “oooh Miss (L/N) whatcha lookin at”

Your favorite note from him was about as simple and dorky as they came

Much like Hongjoong himself actually

Simplify 2x+6i<2(x+9u)

First you distributed the 2 on the right

2x+6i<2x+18u

Then since there was a 2x on both sides, you could subtract them and cancel them

6i<18u

Then divide by 6

And the answer made you smile every time

i<3u

(so I know how I wrote this so fast actually. I just have a goal to write 250+ words every day and uh pretty much every day of the month of January ended up dedicated to this one. Someone said Math Teacher Hongjoong and I (graduated in December with a math teaching degree, student taught in a middle school for 4 months) went feral over it whoops)

Masterlist

[rome-theeempire]

I'm swarming but I just wanna say I totally forgot to post about this movie I saw yesterday but I remembered cuz I saw:

This is problematic

why? cuz it's from this:

And if you've watched thirteen like I have you should understand why wanting to be EXACTLY like these two characters when they're together is a big NO NO.

🚨If you have NOT seen thirteen and you're wanting to see it plz give this post a real big swipe away cuz I will spoil it in order to prove my point.🚨

My point: They have the potential to be fantastic friends but they're NOT.

I'm not gonna be detailed with the plot but miss Tracy who's 13!!! Is in the 7th grade and becomes friends with the popular girl, Evie, she's giving very much y2k grunge which I live for

However I do not live for her stealing, drug use, underage drinking and alot of other things I will not explicitly say cuz I just don't want to.

And Tracy begins to this stuff too but ONLY because she's friends with Evie. Her and Evie only become official friends once Tracy steals a woman's wallet and now she's "cool"

Alot of ppl who say they want their type of relationship are extremely blind to the movie. One the aesthetic the clothes, the hair that's the overall aesthetic:✨THE 2000's✨ but alot of ppl think the coloring is also the aesthetic it pulls it together ig...

BUT that's not what that's for. The color scheme of the movie changes as the movie progresses

What else is progressing??🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Oh yeaaa TRACY'S PERSONALITY CHANGE

In the beginning it's average, bright:

She starts the change veeeery slowly when she throws away her cute socks, dolls and stuffed toys and gets new clothes:

Then while she's with Evie it's like this:

Green and blue also light blue.

The green is when she's off her rocker, in the clouds trippen heavy (high) green is a "gross" color these scenes are never focused, it's messy.

The blue, very sad color, and also a color ppl can turn to when they're dying is the color that is constant and the color that is changing in the film.

And while there are scenes where she's smiling with Evie it's still turning blue cuz even though she's enjoying this wild ride Tracy is dying, when it's not just her and Evie she's flipping out, upset, crying she's just so angry.

Evie's habits that she literally taught Tracy are killing her to the point where she's in the car with her mom about to flunk 7th grade and says how she can't even remember how to spell "photographer"

They COULD be good friends. Evie had scenes where it showed she actually enjoyed hanging out with just Tracy even choosing Tracy over her old friends, telling her over and over that she loved her They even created their own LANGUAGE I almost missed it but I had the subtitles on and they spoke to each other twice in a secret code. Me and my twin brother had a secret language, so they were THAT close. It could've been a really amazing teen friendship without the drugs and betrayal

Oh and Evie getting upset that Tracy's mom wouldn't adopt her even though she LEGALLY can't and decides to blame TRACY for her bad behavior and then move away leaving Tracy like this:

COMPLETELY blue, and sobbing.

Wow what a friendship...

[shinidamachu]

So I'm assuming you finished the spider chapter? I don't see many ppl mention this but inuyasha asked twice to make sure she was really crying for him.

I just did! In fact, I was waiting until I actually finished the chapter to answer this, so thank you for your patience.

I don't know if you're refeering to the anime (which I doubt), if I missed something in my reading or if a thing or two simply got lost in translation, but if not, I can only assume you're talking about these scenes:

First, Inuyasha asks Kagome what is she crying for. For the audience — and for a character who hasn't gone through the same amount of abuse and trauma Inuyasha did —, of course, it's quite obvious Kagome is crying for his sake.

This concept, however, is lost on Inuyasha because since his mother died, no one would have dared to care about his this much. No one would have dared to shed tears for him. It's a new, foreign experience for him, having someone other than himself to valor his life that much.

Even if a part of him wants to believe it's a possibility, a little voice inside his head will keep telling him that it couldn't be. That he wasn't worth it. That he shouldn't trust people. That he had to keep his guard up to avoid the inevitable disappointment. It's a self defense mechanism.

But Kagome it's kind and genuine and relentless. She confuses the hell out of him by always proving herself worthy of his trust. Even though she looks so similar to the woman who "betrayed" him. Even though he has tried very hard not to let her in. So he asks her what is she crying for and when she confirms the obvious, it's still hard for him to make sense of it.

And so Inuyasha finally asks Kagome why is she crying for him.

Because truth be told, he hasn't exactly treated her with kindness until that point, so how could he deserve her kindness in return? And even if he had been more gentle, with Kagome or with anyone else, he would still expect them not to care if he lived or die because that has been the rule in the life he lead so far.

Kagome was the exception. She wasn't playing tricks on him. She didn't have ulterior motives for wanting him alive. Her sadness over Inuyasha possibly dying wasn't conditional to what he was or how he behaved. She simply saw him as a person. She simply saw him. With all his flaws and dark baggage.

And she still found him worthy shedding tears for when no one else did since Izayoi. Not even himself. That's why he is so curious and confused. He was not used to receiving this kind of affection. He is still learning how to be on the receiving ending of someone else's fondness.

[redxblueihateloveyou]

Just wanted to know your opinion but do you think Wu Xie has abandonment issues? I've noticed in Ultimate Note that he's always panicking when Xiao Ge leaves or disappears for a short while. Is he also like that in the main novel/spin-offs?

Tbh no, I never felt like he has any abandonment issues in general. It's just his Xiage issue haha

It's just.. in the books Wu Xie's feelings (since its all from his point of view) for Qiling and their relationships while slowly and perfectly developing during the whole story, have these two points when the tone of them drastically changes and they make a huge jump. And both after after bronze gates. Ultimate Note is set after Heavenly Palace, the first time Xiaoge goes behind the bronze gate (just not for a long time), and that was the first time Wu Xie got scared that he might not see him again. Thats why in UN he's so panic-y about his sudden disappearances. Before that first 4 books, its just them bickering and getting to know each other. I mean Wu Xie is clearly curious, interested in finding out more about him there, but mostly its just he's happy when he's there (but at times pretends like he's not lol), happy when he feels comfortable enough to laugh and joke with them and they just love to annoy each other too xD It's mostly silly and even when Qiling suddenly disappears, depsite the "que???", it doesn't bring out any anxiety in him.

But after Qiling disappears behind the bronze gates the first time without saying anything and comes back (that's when UN takes off), and this whole period up to the 2nd major most painful 10 years separation, Wu Xie's feelings and the way he behaves with him majorly change from the first 4 books. During UN times, its the first time when Wu Xie becomes upset about Xiaoge not telling him things, like in the books he was just pissed about the whole "no one's gonna miss me if I'm gone" Xiaoge's no past, no future talk. Thats also when starts to get jealous of ppl hanging out with Qiling, and he gets very pissy when someone implied that he acted like a jelly bean. It's where he starts to have all these feelings he doesn't know how to handle, where the realization comes that he misses him and he doesn't want to be apart from him, and also start to appear his most idiotic thoughts that'll blow up soon about the "I'm just a random person he passes in his long life, obviously I'm not important for him lalalalala" (WHICH FUCKING U DUMB FUCKING STUID I"M LMAO).

So yeah, during UN times he's very... easily irritated when it comes to Xiaoge things. And he literally just doesn't know what to do with himself there, bc he doesn't undestand what it is for real.

And the 2nd major change in their relationships ofc goes after the 10 years separation and him going behind the gates for the second time. Then it all goes kaboom. All of his confusion, constantly being scared of losing him and leaving without explanation stuff make him angry and it all just blows up. All that walking him to the mountain thinking he was going there to die, Wu Xie not wanting to let him go anymore, but being left with no choice by Xiaoge himself... and the dam was broken. Heart crushed, tears, anger T_T

All this period from the end of the HP to this, Wu Xie's mp3 can be Birdy's version of only know you love him/her go, you know "and you see him as you fall asleep, never to touch and never to keep".

After that he just loses him mind and goes on his bananas "fuck our ancestors, I'm gonna kill all of you fuckers" spree. And its all too painful for me.

So the 2nd time his boo returns to him and the "Restart" part is again when Wu Xie's behavior with Xiaoge again drastically changes. The anger is gone, all that's left is this heartbreaking longing and he just treasures every second, every look, every touch but doesn't push it, cause with his whole dying situation he thinks of himself as no one special for him, like an idiot he is, even after Xiaoge's "you're the only thing that ties me to this world" and everything, he still goes on his "I'm just a dust, a no one he'll soon forget blah blah" (🙄) that he's going through the first part of the Reboot. And that period when he's sick after the dream he also realizes that his feelings are a romantic ones. So its just... I'm fucking tired of these moron. I've never been this exhausted by the ship lmao. But it's worth all the pain. All their soft, married things are killing me, so thats my fav period now xD

In Restart Wu Xie is very "I accepted that its impossible and accepted that you can leave any moment, but I'm gonna treasure each moment you're here". And like he just knows that eventually Qiling will return to him, he is 100% sure about (in UN I feel like he wasn't sure, so that got him so jumpy), but bc he was in so much pain after these 10 years without him and wants him to stay, but can't ask, it's horrible each time. He's just so silent about it there, but his thoughts are gonna make you cry. Like he won't yell or be pissed about his sudden leaves like in UN (xD), he's just depressingly waiting for his return and gets extremely happy when he's with him again.

So yeah, in UN he's still young (but not too young for it not to finally hit) and after the first separation it all kicks in but he's kinda mad about all the "weird" feelings so he's like that. And he's still very sensitive and doesn't hide his emotions very well. I mean, in the show he's pretty decent actually, in the book its much worse, its hilarious lmao.

So the way I see it... it was just that he got the first taste of "I might not see him again" after the bronze gate sight scare, and the feelings were developed by then and started to break through, but they were not in the stage when he was like "he'll always come back to me, he's not actually leaving leaving" yet (like later on), so thats why the panic. Its just all new.. and unsureness is there.

So he's different about Xiaoge leaving during different periods of time.

I didn't feel like he has any abandonment issues like in general while reading the books. I mean, yeah, there's Wu Sanxing thing, but Wu Xie he's like he's always surrounded by many ppl who care for him a lot and I didn't feel like he has some reactions to anyone coming and going. It's all pretty much okay. It's just the Xiaoge "abandoning" him issues LOL... Or just love I guess :) Since it wasn't always like that, but then the times came when he just didn't want to be without him anymore <3 (and started throwing tantrums like "its not you anymore, it us" since UN xD)

[bumblesimagines]

Green Thumb

Request: Yes or No

Ppl seemed to like the Imagine and nobody really said anything about it being a fic but I like that (Y/N) sooo. For anyone confused about the root things, (Y/N) has root bracelets on each wrist that he can control. He can't make roots come out of his hands or anything. (Y/N) isn't gender neutral ik I use second person for a gender neutral reader but I'm starting to rlly like second person view lmao. If people like this enough, I might keep this fic going to Civil War, Infinity War, and Endgame.

~

You placed your hands on the sides of the pot, watching the dead flower slowly regain its color. You could hear the faint sound of chatting and music from the party Tony was holding. Parties were never your thing. Parties meant crowds of nosy people with nothing else better to do. You heard your bedroom door open, turning around and looking at Clint.

"Hey, why don't you come downstairs? The party's ending." Clint offered a small smile, holding his side. You looked back at the flower, standing and gently placing it back with the other flowers on your desk. You approached Clint, feeling him gently wrap an arm around your shoulder.

"How's Laura?" You asked softly. Clint grinned, licking his lips as he glanced at you. You liked Clint. He was like the father or older brother you never had.

"She misses you. She mentioned wanting you to move in once training was complete." Clint revealed, looking at you. You blinked, brows raising as you stared at his face, wondering if he was joking.

"Think it over." Clint gave your shoulder a small squeeze as you joined the others, nodding to Maria. She gave a nod in return, a small tight smile on her face. You didn't blame them for not trusting you. You had attempted to kill them a few times out of fear. You took a seat on the couch, watching the Avengers laugh and chat. You stayed silent, fingers gently tracing the root bracelets.

"You thought of those yourself?" Maria asked softly, tilting her head. You looked at her, nodding.

"Having them on me makes me feel safer." You replied quietly, looking back at the roots. You continued to trace them, watching them shift slightly at your touch. Dr. Cho leaned over, humming in fascination.

"It's incredible how responsive they are to you." She whispered softly, meeting your gaze briefly for permission. You nodded, watching her reach out and touch them.

"How much can you feel? Or is it just a control thing?" She asked.

"Uhm, I know when they're dying or are in need of something but they don't feel pain so.. Hurting them doesn't hurt me." You explained. Dr. Cho nodded in understanding, leaning back.

"I'd love to ask you more questions later, if you don't mind." She gave a kind smile. You looked up upon hearing grunts, watching Clint attempt to pick up Mjollnir while Thor watched on in amusement. He gave up, chuckling. Tony went next, the smug look on his face disappearing when he couldn't lift it. You chuckled softly, watching James try to help Tony but the hammer didn't even budge.

"(Y/N), why don't you give it a try?" Clint asked after Bruce went. You licked your lips, glancing at the Avengers when their gazes went to you.

"Uhm-"

"Go on, give it a try." Thor encouraged with a a big smile. You stood up, walking up to the table where the hammer sat. You grabbed the handle, roots slithering down your hands and wrapping around the hammer. You pulled, suprised to find it was definitely harder than it looked.

"Don't pull a muscle, kid." Clint called, chuckling as you huffed, letting go of it and retracting the roots. You took a seat beside Clint, gently leaning against him as Steve went next. He went at it but wasn't able to lift it.

"It's rigged." Tony called with a shrug as Clint stood, a chuckle leaving him.

"You bet your ass."

"Steve, he said a bad language word." Maria pointed out in playful seriousness. You chuckled softly. Clint had told you all about Steve and the bad language joke. You stood up, about to call it a day before a ringing noise stopped you in your tracks. You looked up, noticing a half built robot limping into the room, mumbling stuff.

"Clint?" You called out, frowning. Clint looked at you before turning around, standing up as everyone's attention shifted to the robot. Clint slowly backed up until you were within arms reach. He knew you could protect yourself but he cared about you too much to let you get hurt.

"How could you be worthy? You're all killers." The robot said, motioning at them with its broken arm.

"Stark?" Steve's gaze stayed locked on the robot. The robot continued to speak, stumbling about. He replayed a clip of Stark saying something. Maria took out her gun, slowly standing up. Clint immediately grabbed you when the robots bursted into the room, pulling you along and hiding.

"Stay here." Clint whispered, standing up. You frowned, watching him go. Your looked over the room, noticing Dr. Cho attempting to hide behind the piano. You stood, quickly going over to her as a robot rose up. You raised your hand, making a root shoot out at it and wrap around its neck, throwing the robot to the side and watching it break.

"Thank you." Dr. Cho whispered as things began to calm down. You helped her stand, making eye contact with Clint as Thor threw his hammer at 'Ultron', breaking him into pieces.

"(Y/N), go to your room." Clint breathed out.

"No, he deserves to know what happened here." Steve said, giving you a nod.

~~~~~~~~~

You licked your lips, glancing at Clint when he silently drew an arrow. You unclenched your fists, watching the root bracelets around your wrists grow and wrap around your fingers. You were surprised you had even been asked to tag along considering you were still new and young. You watched the Maximoff twins, stare at Tony with pure hatred. Not long ago, you were also an enemy of the Avengers. Clint had taken you under his wing, practically adopting you after everything. You assumed you were only allowed to tag along because of your powers. You had gained better control of them over time.

"Stay alert and stay close." Clint told you, shooting the arrow once the fight began. You watched the robots, nodding. You leaned forward, slightly over the railing, fingers moving. The roots wrapped around them shot out, wrapping around one of the robots that had lunged for Steve. You moved your arms back and apart, watching the robot be ripped apart. Steve looked up towards you, giving a greatful nod. Clint grinned, drawing another arrow. You noticed a flash of blue and white running below, keeping an eye on it. Another root shot out, successfully making the male Maximoff trip and stumble. You retracted the root, shifting your attention onto the men with guns.

"What a shitshow." You muttered, sighing softly. Clint glanced at you in amusement.

"Language." He called playfully, chuckling when he heard Steve groan. You let a small smile slip, roots wrapping around the necks of two of the gunmen. You slowly clenched your fists, making the roots strangle them. You heard Thor mention something about the Maximoff girl trying to mind control him.

"Drop 'em." Clint said, giving you a pointed look. "Only make them pass out, don't kill them."

"Fine." You huffed, dropping the men with a small scowl. Clint shot an arrow that knocked out a whole floor, giving a satisfied hum. You heard soft footsteps, spinning around and grabbing the girl Maximoff by the throat, grip tightening with each passing second. Her eyes were wide, caught off guard. Fear flashed in them briefly. Clint quickly planted an electrical arrow on her forehead. You removed your hands, glancing at Clint.

"You seriously need some freshing up on those people skills." Clint said, shaking his head. You scoffed, head tilting slightly.

"She's the enemy!"

"No killing-" You were suddenly shoved forward, bumping into Clint and crashing into what seemed like a control room. You grunted as pain struck up your back, turning your head and watching Pietro pick up his sister bridal style. You shot out your hand but he dodged the roots, using his superspeed to run off.

"Yeah, you better run." You heard Clint breath out. You turned towards him, roots retracting completely.

"Are you okay?" You asked softly, feeling glass digging into your hands as you slowly stood up, grunting softly. There was definitely gonna be a big bruise on your back when you checked later. You helped Clint stand, watching him attempt to contact the others. You leaned over the railing, seeing Steve laying on some stairs. You raised your hand, having the roots grab onto something sturdy before jumping over the railing and heading down to the floor he was at. You approached him, crouching down, cupping his face and seeing his red eyes and dazed look.

"The girl got to Steve." You said, sighing softly.

"Natasha as well." Clint replied. "Seems like the whole team is out of commission."

"Wonder what they're seeing." You muttered, standing and having the roots gently wrap around Steve's arms and waist. They were thin so dragging him along was the only choice.

"Having fun on your first mission yet?"

"Oh, fuck off, Clint." You called with a huff, trying to drag America's sweetheart across a ship, avoiding bodies and trying to keep his head from bumping into stuff.

"Sorry, buddy." You winced, watching Steve's head bump against some steps. Once outside, you were able to drag him along with more ease, getting him inside the step as Clint went to get Thor. Natasha had slowly come out of her daze, groaning softly and holding her head. You looked at him, gently slapping him. Steve gasped, panting softly as his blue eyes met your (E/C) ones.

"Welcome back." You muttered, standing up.

"What happened?" Natasha asked, looking at you with furrowed brows. She looked around the ship, standing.

"Where's Banner?" She asked with a frown. You rubbed the back of your neck, stepping aside so Steve could get up.

"He.. He and Stark are in the city. He hulked out." You told her, concern appearing on her features. Natasha cursed under her breath, though her mind seemed to be somewhere else. You turned towards the entrance, seeing Tony with Bruce. Clint returned with Thor, silence filling the air as Clint got the aircraft in the air. Clint motioned for you to get closer, a smile appearing on his face.

"You did amazing today." The praise made you smile, nodding as you glanced down at the ground. It had been your first real fight.

"Does that mean-"

"Not yet, we still need to work on some things. Soon enough, you'll be officially part of the team." Clint assured. You nodded, taking a seat nearby and sighing. Clint steered the ship to his home, landing it. The Avengers seemed confused at the unknown location but you happily got out of the aircraft. Clint chuckled, watching you head up to the house and enter.

"Honey? We've got company!" Clint called. Laura appeared from one of the rooms, smile widening.

"Hey, sweetie." Laura cooed, arms extending and wrapping around you. Both of you chuckled when the baby kicked.

"Someone's happy to see you too." Laura smiled, placing a hand on her belly before greeting Clint with a kiss.

"Gentlemen, this is Laura." Clint introduced her to the team. You enjoyed Laura's company. Her warmness was welcoming and she had been more than happy to take you in. Footsteps echoed lightly, preparing Clint to greet his kids. You smiled, watching them greet him. Natasha had been the only other one who knew about Clint's family. Lila gasped softly upon seeing you, quickly running towards you. You bent down, picking her up and chuckling.

"Miss me?" You asked, giving her a gentle hug. Laura looked over, smiling softly.

"Of course she missed they missed their cool big brother." Laura said, giggling softly when Lila noticed Natasha and happily went over to hug her. Cooper took Lila's spot, giving you a big grin. Thor suddenly left the house, Steve following.

"What have you been up to?" You asked, watching Coppers eyes light up. He grabbed your hand, pulling you along to his room. Laura and Clint hadn't officially adopted you but they were more than happy to do it. Once you were done with training, they were gonna get the papers and make you a Barton.

[lexstellaris]

ngl kinda glad I hadn't nuked my twitter accounts yet bc I wanted to make sure I could chase up contact info for everyone I care about, and now I get to see how quickly it's imploding holy fuck.

I am actually sad to see it die this quickly. I've been on there since 2009 when a bunch of my lj friends decided to join and follow each other. Those people are still the people I want to keep in touch with the most now that twitter is dying.

I've seen some ppl be like, you're overreacting! It's not gonna die! Well, maybe not tomorrow, or next week, but like, at a certain point, there just literally won't be enough staff with enough knowledge or skills to keep the business operating at any capacity. It's just a numbers game at that point. Maybe it'll be a week or two before something crashes and it can't be restored properly. But you can't gut like potentially 90% of the workforce and expect things to still function normally. There just aren't enough people left, and the implosion has been SO PUBLIC that they'll have a hard time recruiting for replacements. They're fucked.

Twitter was the only social media platform where it just worked for my brain in way facebook or insta or anywhere else never really did. tho I will say, tumblr didn't work for me the first time round bc I tried to do Religion on there and it's really, really not the platform for that at all. So I won't be doing any religious posting here. I'll save that for dreamwidth. Follow me over there if that's your kinda scene.

The weird thing is, I ended up following such a diverse range of people on twitter that deciding who I wanted to keep in touch with outside of twitter has proved an interesting decision. I'm surprising myself with who I care about enough to follow, and who I'm prepared to let go.

There are things I'm definitely not going to miss about twitter though, and even a few days off the site has freed my brain for so many other things. I think, much as I will miss it, that ultimately twitter had become bad for my brain and I needed to kick it to stop myself incessantly checking it every five minutes.

There is a lot I will miss though. It was a good place, when it wanted to be, in the right corners. There were so many people I found that I wouldn't have otherwise. It had a great sense of community for marginalised folks that's not really easy to replicate anywhere else, because it was such a central meeting place. Everyone is scattering now, and so are those communities.

Also one of the primary reasons I came here and not mastodon was the shitposting lmao. This place is just more me. And I don't feel anywhere near as much pressure to market and brand myself as I did on twitter. I can just be a feral fucko over here and that's perfectly fine. And I think coming back for fandom rather than religion has been a much better decision. I feel the culture and how I fit into it a lot better and it doesn't feel weird. It feels comfy, like I should have been here the whole time, but came for the wrong reasons and gave up on it.

Is tumblr perfect? No. Am I gonna disconnect myself from a bunch of ppl I got news from and kept up to date on important stuff? Yeah. But I realise now I don't actually need a constant flood of information into my head, and much as I'll miss twitter, it's much more peaceful in my head without it.

Besides, I've been through this kinda site migration so many times already that I'm not THAT sad about it, even though it does suck to lose contact with so many ppl. Ahh well. Time to rebuild communities again and enjoy going back to smaller niche spaces again where I don't feel so Publicly Perceived as I did on twitter.