#YOU OWE EVERYONE FUCKIN THERAPY

[anartisticdreamer0]

quackity you almost gave me a panic attack i demand monetary compensation.

[jamiesfootball]

🌹

I see everyone's touch-starved Jamie Tartts and the queer-platonic Two Aces and the in-therapy Roy Kents and I love them all endlessly. I also raise you:

Roy Kent who's been half-starved for regular platonic intimacy for his entire life. He's in therapy and he's sad and he's lonely and he's angry all the time, but somehow he's tricked Jamie into thinking he is safe to be around. And then they share a bed sometimes, because life is hard.

Roy's mind probed at the situation like a tongue looking for a freshly missing tooth and finding a gap, an emptiness where the pain used to be. Still-- "I swear to God if I turn around and you're not wearing any pants," he warned. Jamie broke into giggles behind him. The thought crossed his mind--if this is a fucking prank--but for once the heat of outrage didn't leap readily into his hands. The bed dipped. Jamie scooted closer, and the unmistakable texture of trackies brushed against the back of Roy's legs. "Nah. Decided I'm gonna sweat my arse off for you. Prick." Roy grunted. "Then you can run the laundry tomorrow." "Fuck that. If anything, you're making me breakfast in the morning in return for dragging your old man legs up the stairs. Now come here, you lug." That was all the warning Roy had before a stupidly-tattooed arm wrapped around his midsection, reeling him backwards until he was pressed against Jamie's chest like his own personal teddy bear. Fucking champagne and video games and mockery over his taste in furniture and now this. One of these days he was going to have to draw a line. He was the gaffer now--Jamie knew he was the gaffer now--and he owed it to the both of them to put some boundaries in place. Jamie dropped his head against the back of Roy's neck, a soft and careful weight that was becoming increasingly familiar. Voice slackened with the hour, he murmured contentedly, "You're a fuckin' furnace. M' top half's not going t' get cold at all." Boundaries were a lot to ask for with the clock pressing midnight. It could wait until morning.

[blnk338]

COD HEADCANONS 2

Here's the link to the first b/c y'all loved it sm ty <3

Go read my Ghost x Reader on AO3 | Reap What You Sow

Relationship hcs!!!

Gaz:

Undiagnosed dyslexia

Soap will say some dumb shit about it and Gaz will fire back with something like “you need autocorrect irl b/c no one can fucking understand you”

Hates winter; this is a summer boy!

Ghost told him that Soap’s Halloween party was a dress-up party, but Gaz took it as a sexy dress-up party and came in a slutty nun outfit

Ghost had to go to the bathroom because he was tearing up from trying to hold back his laughter

Can’t pull all-nighters

This bitch NEEDS 8 hours or he’s not happy

Like… he can pull them, but you unlock this secret character trait of “ultimate fucking bitch Kyle”

Got really into Overwatch and then didn’t tell anyone after it died (pre OW2), then was fucking insane at every character when OW2 came out

Soap hates his ass for this

Flexes, only character he doesn’t like is Hanzo (still upset about the scatter arrow removal)

Tinyass bladder

“I have to pee”

“WE LEFT EIGHT MINUTES AGO WHAT DO YOU MEAN?”

Really gentle with his friends, him and Soap’s bromance goes crazy like they’ll do that thing where they almost kiss and they pull back and go “WOAAAAAAH WOAHHHHHHH”

Thinks hairless cats are gross

Ghost:

The kind of guy to sit back and watch shit unfold unless the person who (is getting / is about to get) their shit rocked is someone he respects

Previously had an allergy to shellfish

Raw dogged it until the allergy literally went away

Exposure therapy, man

Knows what “L + Ratio” means and HAS used it against Soap once

Soap and Gaz lost their fuckin beans when he said it and they’ve never forgotten it

Sorta plain texter – really just like “K,” “Ok,” “Did you eat.”

Doesn’t use a lot of question marks

No question marks or really any punctuation other than a period at the end of EVERY text

Doesn’t use Apple emojis or Android, but the text version

Like :)

BUT ALWAYS ENDS THEM IN A PERIOD :).

Eventually unlearns this but ending everything like a sentence lasted for a while

He won’t say openly if he’s annoyed, but will add a little extra sharpness to his stare

Great at FPS games, chooses to not use the mic because he likes shitting on dumb mfkrs and listening to them bitch when he wins 1v1’s

Played OW for Soap and Gaz and got really fucking good at Zen, but almost always plays DPS

Learned how to build computers and finds it really relaxing

Soap and Gaz both asked for him to make them PCs and he said “no,” then did both of them in the span of one 3-week break cycle

Knows everyone’s addresses

How the fuck does he know everyone’s addresses

Definitely the guy to say a random set of numbers pretending like its someone’s IP address

“The Riley Murders” is a popular true-crime segment; literally avoids all true-crime media because of this

Not really a fan of the holidays, but he does put in the effort to be at the 141 parties and get-togethers for his team

Panic attacks for him aren’t obvious. He just stands there, holding his gaze at one spot while he clenches his jaw/fist, trying to push out the ringing in his ears

Doesn’t dress up for Halloween or does the bare minimum (antlers on top of his head, a single bowtie, etc)

Alejandro:

Uses all emojis

ESPECIALLY THE CATS

Weird about how much he likes Minions

Fucked up knee from tearing his ACL as a kid

Like his knees pop when he kneel down and shit

Bros so anti-drug he doesn’t like prescription drugs

*Bleeding out* “Tylenol? Why would I need that?”

His whole house is carpeted aside from the kitchen

No, you don’t understand. Carpeted bathrooms

Man has cold feet

Socks and indoor slippers but he’s got those luxury Ugg slippers that he wears religiously

Hates it when people chew with their mouth open

WILL MENTION IT

Plays Candy Crush

Owns an old Dell laptop, doesn’t play PC or console games

Price:

POP POP POP his joints are shit but good enough for the army ig

Tried yoga, didn’t have enough motivation to keep going, but still says he does yoga (it’s been like four years n Laswell gets on his ass about it)

“Overwatch? We’re off right now, why are we talking about this?”

“You have three guys on you? What are you talking about?”

Confused dad

Heavyweight drinker; man likes his beers

Gaz called him "dad" once and he owns it like a fucking medal

Says “back in my day” to fuck with everyone

Sings the Star Spangled Banner in the most heinously British accent he can

He only knows “Oh say can you see, by the dawns early light, oh so proud…” and then bullshits the rest

Soap:

Bisexual. No preference.

Not really a “will kiss anyone” but more of a “please let me kiss someone”

Flirts with fuckin’ anyone and everyone but the issue is that he just doesn’t stay in one place because of work, so unless he’s dating someone in the field (which is super rare), it’s mostly just flings

“Guys, let’s do the brown note endurance contest.” (Google “brown note youtube”)

Spells Spongebob like “Spunch Bob”

“I am not paid enough to do that.”

OW junkie, but likes story games a lot

Support/Tank main (Mercy and Reinhardt)

The Last Of Us fucking ended him; fav character is Joel :)

Hard of hearing in his right ear

Yells “WOT?” all the fucking time

[that-gay-jedi]

Nobody fuckin wants to hear this but you cannot toughen people up by repeatedly violating their boundaries or being insensitive. You are not qualified to direct a stranger's exposure therapy.

Desensitizing oneself via exposure requires adequate preparation and stabilization before you even start, and then careful planning, a safe environment, very gradual escalation with routine check-ins to ensure the pace at which you're proceeding is appropriate, aftercare after each session, cooldown time between sessions, and access to some kind of self-expression or outlet and/or to non professional emotional support during cooldown.

If someone is training to run their first marathon, you can't make them more cardiovascularly fit by beating the shit out of them. Hell, even with a proper training regimen they're going to lose endurance rather than gain it if there isn't adequate rest, nutritional support, and aftercare between practices.

Being intentionally antagonized, frightened, harassed, or forced to endure unnecessary anxiety and discomfort has never once made anyone less reactive, nor more resilient, nor mentally healthier, nor easier to get along with.

Having their boundaries respected, self-expertise honoured (such as knowledge of one's own needs and limits), and autonomy supported has.

Everyone who has ever gotten on a soapbox to extoll the virtues of thick skin owes everyone who's ever listened to the lecture, read the post and/or been affected by it $100. Lotta folks owe others more than it would've cost to get the psych degree you so clearly wish you had.

[enbykelpie]

I'm not anti-endo exactly, but if you think you're plural but not because of trauma, then you just don't know all of your trauma. It's very common to suppress trauma, so if you think you're endogenic then you're probably really just forgetting what caused a split in the first place and should seek therapy for that.

Wow, there's a lot to unpack here anon.

I think first and foremost, it kinda sounds like you're the one who has issues they need to work through.

It's pretty fuckin bold to claim people don't know themselves or their own history, but even more than that, it's super fuckin wild to insinuate that people aren't valid or deserving of respect even if they... are suppressing trauma?? Yeah that's a really common thing to happen, but putting someones validity behind a medical paywall or 'diagnosis' is kinda fucked up too?

Secondly, not that I owe you any info anyways, we're a mixed bunch. Trauma, endo, and, get this, spiritual origins. A couple of souls tied to us from previous lives, but I'm sure you'll just say that that's not real, either.

Third, this feels like differently flavored 'you can't be trans without dysphoria' or 'everyone wants to be autistic these days.' It's honestly kinda pathetic to be so hung up on something that has zero effect on you or your life.

[heylinfanclub]

I hate when I can narrate such a long list of shit I’m struggling with it starts to look like god damn poetry. Just line after line of ‘I have nothing so I am nothing’. Just. Not healthy.

My therapist of 3 years is resigning. My peer support I adore is leaving. My equestrian therapy horse is showing signs of lameness. Communicating with my family is Psychological Torture. I’m out of food that doesn’t make me want to puke (I’ve had so much spaghetti and ramen over the past four years I think whoever invented the Noodle should Die Twice). I’m almost out of clean clothes cause laundry cost money or psychological torture. I’ve had multiple doctors appointments and need to make MORE cause I’m almost out of meds.

I just want to curl up and explode into a million pieces. This fuckin sucks. This is too much fuckin work. And I’m not even fucking employed. I don’t get a single reward for taking care of myself and being alive AINT it love. Being alive fucking sucks ass cause I’m stuck on this shit planet with these shitty systems that want me fucking dead. I feel like a fucking goldfish in an empty glass bowl. I’m going insane. I would rather be dead. But I have dreams of the fucking sea. And I want to see it. I want to fucking LIVE not fucking BE A REPLACEABLE **THING** IN A FUCKING SYSTEM. IM NOT. A FUCKIN. GOLDFISH YOU CAN STARVE AND REPLACE AND KEEP THE SYSTEM ROLLING LIKE ITS NOT KILLING OUR SHARED HUMANITY. I DESERVE TO FUCKING EXPERIENCE THE WORLD. I WAS BORN IN THIS WORLD I AM OWED THIS WORLD EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE FREE I HATE THIS COUNTRY I HATE IT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[projared]

I cant do this shit no more bro I'm sick of this shit

[itsbenedict]

The Flower That Bloomed Nowhere characters as dril tweets

Utsushikome of Fusai: if you're ever wondering if im some other guy, the answer is yes, im him, unless it's bad to be him, then im not him, im a different person.

Ran Hoa-Trinh: im the only guy who knows how to call out the bull shit of society the smart way. and against all odds i do it for free

Kamrusepa of Tuon: THERAPIST your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME I agree

Seth of Ikkuret: im probably the most difficult person alive to trick into showing mny penis to you. it absolutely almost never happens

Ptolema of Rheeds: THIngs other people like: being bastards, being Uniformly tasteless THINGS I LIKE: Being reasonably kind, and trying to help, when i can

Bardiya of Tuon: ill kick any ones ass who is a "BOOMER"

Lilith of Eshkalon: i have absolutely zero interest in friendship, i have absolutely zero interest in jokes, i am simply here to collect data and earn respect

Theodoros of Melanthos: for every inch my penis shrinks due to anxiety, the trolls owe me $100,000 , i am saying it now.

Ezekiel of Ilaadbat: turning a big dial taht says "Racism" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right

Jia Fang: *all horrors begotten by the desire of man flash before eyes* woha! this is awkward *the cries of millions suffering echo* Damn That’s Weird

Ophelia of the Glass Fields: please bring your rats to the new castle flea market so I may bless/heal them. ill be sitting in a lawn chair wearing a stolen priest outfit

The Concept of Entropy: imagine how fucked uop it would be to have a brain and be able to form thoughts

Mehit of Eshkalon: as a Parent.. the thought of somebody attacking my sons with some sort of weapon, is just not good to me

Neferuaten of Amat: every woman ivr ever spoken to would describe our correspondence as “Graceful”

Hamilcar of Kane: what donest kill me makes me stronger ((gains infinite strength from being not killed by infinite things))

Durvasa of Wayal: if some one said some shit to me like "Rock and Roll Hoochie Koo" i would not be able to contain my rage. i would completely lose my shit.

Zeno of Apocryion: oh youve been to therapy? Dumb. yeah you havent even scratched the surface of my Level. i bet none of you even know your own brain weight

Linos of Melanthos: there is too much of Lies...

Amtu-Hedda-Anna: hello. what is your online user handle please? ok. ok thanks. blocked

Vijana of Yamune: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Sacnicte Ic'thal: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

Yantho Ic'nal: before you shit on me, lnow this. i have a black belt in shut the fuck up. and - let me finish - i have a college degree in shut the fuck up

Whoever The Fuck Designed The Security Golems: committing unforgivable crimes against nautre in my laboratory ,trying to create the next genetically discombobulated meme animal

Balthazar of Isan: i rip off my groundhog handler disguise on stage. "surprise bitchs. groundhog day is fake." i drop kick the fuckin groundhog back to the zoo

█████: i guess i will change my name to "Mr Go Fuck Myself " huh?? Since all you sons of bitchs obviously think it would be good, if i did that

Sekhmet: looking at the data and simply laughing

Eshmun: if you say the words "Room temperature" to me ill flip my lid. room temp varies depending on the room. youre talking shit out of your mouth.

[transtalk]

“Here’s some stuff I’ve learned in my ~12 years since I started transitioning”

*Posted with permission from a Redditor who chooses to remain anonymous.  I am over 10yrs into my transition and agree with most of these points.  Thought this was a great share to help our younger transmen.

I’m 26 and I started transitioning at 14. I recently passed my 10yrs on T recently and I figured I’d pass on some random knowledge I’ve accumulated in my experience.

Physical stuff:

-Be prepared to outgrow any clothes you buy in the first 5ish years on T. You might think you’re in the clear after a couple years, you’re not. That includes shoes.

-Looking at your father and brothers for an idea of what you might look like on T isn’t always accurate. My dad and brother don’t have much body hair, I’m a damn werewolf. On the other hand, they have full heads or hair. My hair has decided to migrate from my head to, well, everywhere else.

-Mature hairlines are a thing, doesn’t necessarily mean receding. My dad has the former, I have the latter.

-Not all hair follicles grow at the same time. Your beard after not shaving for 2 weeks is not the same as your beard after not shaving 2 months and then trimming it to that same length. Ive had a thick, full beard since I was 20. I had to shave for a neck surgery and for the first month I was back to my patchy teenage beard. Right now, wearing a mask is a great opportunity if you want to try growing it out without looking ridiculous.

-Still train all of your body if you’re trying to get a more masculine physique. You may worry about having a bigger butt or thighs but trust me, it’s still important. Also, it’s not all about shoulders, chest, and arms. The lats and traps are often overlooked.

-Penises sit lower than you think and are smaller than you think. Take that into account when packing. I haven’t been in the market for many years but I pray that there are more options now that aren’t 5+”.

-If you get a hysto, hold a pillow over your belly when you cough. Trust me.

-If you have surgery in general, you’re probably going to be thirsty when you wake up. Go slow when they finally let you have water. I’ve puked on a few nurses… sorry guys.

-If you have bottom surgery with urethral lengthening, you might have extra drops of pee that get stuck. The way your urethra is situated has a different angle so more pee gets trapped in there. Press up on the gooch to get it out. Some cis guys have to do it too, it’s called the taint tap.

-Athletic fit pants are great for big booty bros.

Social/emotional stuff:

-It can be hard to see it sometimes, but plenty of cis guys have the same features you’re dysphoric about. Baby face? I’ve got male coworkers older than me that look like teenagers. Wide hips? Some dudes are bottom heavy. Short? If you pay attention, there’s short guys everywhere. The average guy doesn’t look like Channing Tatum.

-There’s a thin line between dysphoria and dysmorphia. What you see in the mirror could be totally different from what people see when they look at you.

-It’s fine to pee in the stall. Standing or sitting. Nobody gives a fuck. Even after phallo I pretty much exclusively pee in stalls. Less splashback, privacy, and pee time is me time.

-There’s another step to transitioning you might not realize: becoming confident in yourself as a man. It’s easier said than done and it can be a pretty long process. You are a manly fuckin man (or a feminine man, but you’re still a Fuckin man) and you are no less of a man than any other. You will be much happier once you can say that to yourself and truly believe it.

-You don’t owe anything to the trans community. There’s no denying there can be negativity. If it’s taking a toll on your mental health or causing more dysphoria, it’s ok to step back. You’re not obligated to involve yourself just because others in the community have helped you. You owe yourself happiness. It took me way to long to learn that. I pop in online once or twice a year in places like this sub where it typically is a civil environment but I limit it to that.

-Along the same lines, it’s ok to be stealth. You are more than your gender and it’s ok if you don’t want others to define you by that. Again, you don’t owe anybody anything. You can support the trans community without disclosing. Vote in support of trans rights, call people out on their bigotry, donate to charities, etc. And unfortunate as it is, your voice is sometimes more heard as an ally than as a trans person.

-Even if you finished the required therapy to get hormones/surgery it’s good to stick with it if you can. I know it’s not possible financially or time wise for everyone, but if you can, you should. All of your struggles don’t magically disappear when you medically transition. It’s good to have a professional help you process everything. I honestly think most people in general can benefit a lot from therapy.

-You could still have some dysphoria even when you have fully transitioned (whatever you define that as for yourself). Many don’t but it’s not a guarantee. I’m sorry to break that to anyone who is just starting their transition but it’s important to realize. If you recognize it, you can learn to cope. I still feel some dysphoria occasionally about the things I cant change. Mainly that I can’t be the biological father to my children. I have to remember that it’s not genetics that makes a father, it’s love and care.

My experience obviously isn’t going to be the same as everyone else’s but I hope this can help someone a little bit.

[ardentperfidy]

it’s late and i’m extremely fucking high and i just need to rant for a while about the fucking ✨shakespearean tragedy✨ that is the todoroki family. 

because i feel like as a fandom we’re all doing too much looking for a definitive narrative that says that this one person is the bad guy (whether your choice be dabi or endeavor) and everyone else is a blameless victim and like, No. the exquisite tragedy of it all is how tragic it is for basically every member of the family and how basically everyone’s actions, while ultimately contributing to the horror, were in isolation understandable, if not excusable. (this got so fucking long i put it below a cut you’re welcome to the two people who’ll read this)

like, right off the bat we’ve got endeavor. and, hot take here, i actually think that shouto is not endeavor’s favorite kid - it was always touya. based on what we’ve seen, it looked like touya’s early training wasn’t forced, but born out of a genuine connection between touya and enji, an activity they both enjoyed. and rei commented on how touya’s personality was like enji’s, his stubbornness and his drive. and, of course, touya immediately latches on to the idea of being a hero to surpass all might. and listen, i would sell horikoshi my soul to get the backstory on where enji developed that obsession/goal, but whether it’s something that was imposed on him by someone else he cared about/internalized (like a parent displaced by all might, or a mentor, or idk) or just a goal that turned toxic after years of constantly falling short and feeling like you’re never good enough (like, oikawa @ kageyama but without an iwa-chan to pull him back from the edge), it’s fuckin toxic. but whatever, imagine it’s something you and your kid share, and it’s a bonding activity, and then you learn it’s hurting your kid. this dream you put into his head is causing him serious pain. we can make noise about how touya was like izuku and needed to hear he could be a hero too, but it’s also totally understandable, when your child is in pain, to want to make that pain stop and keep your child from getting hurt. it’s also understandable, but not excusable, to not know how to relate to your child when one of your primary shared values and goals (being a hero, hero training, etc) can’t really serve that purpose anymore. less understandable but still ~maybe understandable to have another kid (listen, my thoughts on this are either 1) the reason enji holds the goal is external, like he feels like it owes it to someone else, and well meaning but bad parents often give their children what they wanted as children, not what their children need, i.e. enji would’ve liked for someone else to shoulder the burden and so that’s what he’s giving touya, or 2) the rationale was that enji was okay with not achieving the goal as long as his family did, so he thought touya would be the same). and then when touya lashes out at shouto, the reactions are, again, not excusable but understandable. from enji’s perspective, his whole mindset and value system has given touya pain, he doesn’t know how to give touya good things, it always seems to hurt him, so he’ll withdraw from touya. keeping shouto isolated and training him so hard feels both like an obviously wrong but at least understandable way to trying to protect shouto from touya while not isolating touya further, but also to me like an exercise in punishment, of shouto as a sort of misdirected scapegoat enji on some level blames for the deterioration of things with touya, and ultimately punishment for himself because he knows he’s really at fault (self punishment because i think the manga shows that endeavor values the idea of family a lot, even if his execution is abysmal, and so the isolation from the rest of the family feels a little bit like self flagellation). understandable for enji to get mad at rei for letting touya wander off and get burned (because he’s like 12 and also seriously injuring himself, this is kind of mothering 101). and when touya “dies””, totally understandable for that to cause a huge rift in enji and rei’s relationship, for them to blame each other. never excusable for that to escalate to violence, but damn did these people need therapy. the monumental grief of feeling responsible for your child’s death??? that’s difficult for even the most emotionally well adjusted people to manage healthily. and like, obviously there were other options, but i’ll go out here and say it is both understandable and totally excusable to have rei institutionalized after she burned shouto. her level of psychosis was a danger to her children and possibly herself. (now in an ideal world the fact that enji was also a danger to the children would have been addressed by institutions but like, we’re talking people and their choices here, not systemic change). but basically, endeavor made a lot of really bad calls but at the time, with the information he had, if we’re compassionate and empathetic about it, all of those decisions are at least understandable on some level

but at the same time, SO ARE A LOT OF TOUYA’S. like, kids want to please their parents. he loved and looked up to his father and he wanted to be like him and do the things his father wanted. understandable goal. and understandable for him to want to continue training after hurting himself too. i’m sure he felt like doing otherwise would be proving he was weak or a disappointment in some way to his father, especially since hero/quirk training seemed to be their thing. understandable that he would feel angry and frustrated when his relationship with his dad suffers, in his mind proving his fears about losing his dad if he can’t be a hero to surpass all might. and totally not excusable but also totally understandable for a confused, rage-filled preteen to lash out at a new sibling who feels like a replacement. and the separation of shouto and enji from the rest of the family served to reinforce that idea too. it’s also understandable to me for touya to have a lot of blame for rei. she doesn’t stick up for touya with enji, or, really, that we’ve seen, make much of an effort to connect with him and give him an alternate outlet for the ambition and drive he had channeled into being a hero. after the fire, we have a lot of missing pieces in terms of how he survived, what happened, etc, but i also think it’s understandable for him to morph his personal anger into an anger at hero society, not least because heroes, for the rest of society, like parents for their children, are held up as paragons. it’s a connection that is wrong for a lot of reasons but feels right, because i think that dabi has the same misunderstanding of both his parents and hero society. for both, his idea is that if they’re not perfect, if they’ve failed in some way, they’re rotten at the core, instead of both heroes and parents just being people who can make mistakes. those mistakes can have horrendous consequences that they should be held accountable for, but that can coexist with a lot of good. 

rei is treated a lot as a totally blameless victim, and while she’s obviously a victim of enji’s abuse, she also made a lot of bad calls that were inexcusable but also understandable. agreeing to a quirk marriage that she wouldn’t be happy in in order to help her family is understandable. she took the same approach as enji in terms of touya’s quirk, and let him set the tone for how to deal with the issue. it’s understandable, because enji was closer to touya and as she pointed out their personalities are similar, but it was also a bad call, and one she held to even when it clearly wasn’t working. my read of the manga is that rei withdrew even further after touya’s “death”, which is again understandable as she was dealing with her grief and the emergence of enji’s abuse, but also meant she failed the rest of her children. 

and shouto, of course, is kind of born into a family and a life that’s already been shaped and then totally wrecked by circumstances beyond his control - first, touya’s quirk hurting his body, and then, touya’s death. and the whole while, he doesn’t even have the knowledge and context to understand why his family is the way that he is. 

basically, everyone in this family makes me Sad, i don’t think any of them are pure evil fundamentally bad, irredeemable people - even though enji abused his wife and kids, even though touya went on to kill people. 

[scandeniall]

we’re us

pairing: atsumu x f!reader

summary/warnings: after atsumu almost lost you he decides ts time to make things official. But he’s overly sweet and its weird. Thats not who you two are / mentions of near death, implied sex, hes grossly sweet for part of it, mentions of bad parents

a/n: this is a PART 2 to the rulers. a few of you asked and i decided to give us a happier ending than what we wre left with in rulers. (rulers is 12k words and gives the context to this so kinda impt!)

wc: 2k

“Would you fucking stop,” you scowl swatting at the hands on your waist as you stumbled into the office. You roll your eyes at the way your desk chair is pulled out for you. “No can do. You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” Atsumu replies ignoring the frown at him sitting in the desktop. His hand subconsciously takes yours stroking at the skin and you resist the urge to take your hand from him. He needed it. 

It’d been three months since the incident and since you’d gone into a coma. You stayed in it for a little over a week. Atsumu remembered how he numbly took in the doctors diagnosis. Something about a complication from the surgery or maybe it was blood loss from the bullet wounds? Something about a seizure thus prompting your state. All the medical terminology confused him. 

After he finally decided to visit three days later he came as often as he could. He assigned people like Oikawa to do press releases on his behalf. It was already hard enough having to hear events recounted over the news. He couldn’t be the one to talk about it. 

“President of Yokohama (Y/L/N), (Y/F/N) caught in apparent shootout with parents among others. The 23 year old was rushed to the hospital by non other that Vice President Miya Atsumu. As of now it is known that (Y/N) has fallen into a combs and that Miya will be taking over. The voting families are likely to vote over a course of action within the upcoming days.”

One thing Atsumu made sure to do was to get your recording. You risked your life to get a confession out of your parents. A confession that they had plans to kill you. He sent the recording off and following their own minor recoveries they were promptly arrested. Trials took long and there’d be no way an official one would happen until you were ready, but nonetheless he was happy that both them and Terushima were out of your hairs. 

The day you woke up Atsumu actually shed tears. It was something he denied and claimed that the hospital fumes were finally getting to him when Osamu teased him. But everyone knew better. He’d take your condition worse, a factor that even your little sister teased him on. “(Y/N’s) strong and a bad ass. She’ll be fine. Stop acting like a wimp” he couldn’t even scold the 14 year old for the word choice. 

Even though the first face you made was a grimace, followed by confusion and agitation he couldn’t help but think you were beautiful. He stayed in the room as they took the feeding tube out, gagging himself at how gross it all seemed. He held your hand as you took sips of water all disoriented. 

A few days after that you were able to go back home and he took you to his. Your sister had been staying there and there was no way he’d let you go back to neither your parents or your own now trashed house alone. He’d wheeled you out of the hospital demanding you to keep your head down at the flashing lights and journalists. He’d buckled you in like a child despite you rolling your eyes and complaining and driven you to his. 

He made sure you took all your medications and attended your personal physical therapy sessions. A month in when you wanted to go back to work fully he refused, citing that until you were fine he was the one in charge. He could and would disobey your orders to keep you safe. “I swear once I’m fine I’m going to fucking fire you.” “How do you fire the family head sweetheart? Try again.”

Now two months later you were heading back into your office for the first time. With non other than your shadow practically attached to your hip. You watched as he animatedly recounted some events from his latest press conference and boring financial meetings as his thumb subconsciously rubbed circles into onto the back of your hand. Your hand was slightly sweaty but you resisted the urge to pull away. Ever since you’d found out that you technically died, Atsumu had been more touchy than normal. 

“Hey Tsumu?”

The call of his name stopped him mid sentence as his eyes peered at yours with concern. He started questioning if you were ok or in pain and if it here time for your meds.

“Thank you. For everything. Stepping up, I know this isn’t easy for you, especially since it was so sudden. And for watching after my sister and me.”

“Well it is my job as VP. Ya know when ya can’t do your job. It’s annoying but-“ he chucked as you stood up and told him to shut up. His hands found your waist both as a way to stabilize you and to resume physical contact as you eased in between his legs. “You talk too fucking much,” you mumble arms locking around his neck. 

“I was trying to be serious and thank you and here you are making me regret it.” You don’t miss the way his eyes glance at your lips as you talk. You continue playing with the ends of his hair as you talk. “I appreciate it a lot. Even if you are overbearing and annoying.”

“Yeah well, we’re us. And you know I’d take a bullet for ya”

“Too bad you didn’t take this one,” you muse using one hand to motion at your healing side. You smiled as his hands slipped under your sweatshirt to caress the scar. 

“I wouldve.” He says the words without missing a beat while you frown. “Being sweet doesn’t suit you. Where’s asshole Atsumu.”

“I almost lost ya. I was the one who held ya in the backseat as you bled out. I had to get rid of the car. Couldn’t get the smell, stains or memories out. I was there when you flat lined (Y/N). Sorry if I cant act normal like the shit didn’t happen.”

“All the more reason to act like the man I fell in love with,” you shrug. “The non punctual asshole who doesn’t listen to half the shit i say. The smartass who cares for his friends and family more than he lets on. The one so committed to what he does that id never trust anyone else even a fraction as much. Life is short. Clearly,” you snort referencing your own situation. 

“No point in being different. What’s done is done. Besides, we’ve got a lot of work ahead of us. With the trial and reformations and-“

“Ya just said you loved me.” Your face scrunched up at his smug one. His voice had a happy lilt to it. “If you didn’t know that by now you really are dumber than I thought. Pretty sure it’s been obvious.”

His reaction was to hop off the desk, this time his arms coming around you in a hug.  “God, I’m so in love with ya.” The words came whispered in your ear and you couldn’t help but melt into the hug. “Good or this would’ve been really awkward.”

“Wait a fuckin’ second-“ you eyed him in confusion as the embrace ended you stepping back to cross your arms. “I said i was gonna confess first. Ya just had to mess things up. Take it back. I bet Samu that i would” You looked at him in disbelief. “On second thought-“

Your words are cut off by his hands pulling your hips into his. “Will you be my girlfriend. Let’s make it official.”

“What did i tell you about being sweet,” you scold the both of you leaning in your lips hoovering over each other. “Give me a few more weeks to worry about ya alright?” You nod hands locking around his neck. “Deal. And yes I’ll let you be my boyfriend.”

“Gonna ignore that for now,” before you could react he turns the two of you so that your back was against the desk. His lips ghosting the shell of your ear as he tells you to sit. Before he steps back eying you. “Can’t believe I almost lost this.” 

The words are whispers to himself and you almost didn’t hear him as his hands trail up your thighs. “You’re so beautiful.”

“I’m literally in sweats. A far cry from how you usually see me” you tease leaning back to shift your weight into your palms. “Still the most beautiful woman in the world.” You ignore the warmth that blossoms within you opting to grab at his wrist. “I thought I said to stop being sweet.”

You thought you hear him say something about your deal it it’s quickly forgotten as he slots himself between your legs and roughly presses his lips against yours. 

—-

A few months later

“Well it’s done. How d’ya feel.” Atsumu is the first to speak out his words filling the space within the car. “Like shit. But I’ll live.” You mutter honestly. “Ya want to take a few days off from the office?” His hand rubs comfortably up and down your thigh. 

“And have you try and mess up my office. I’ll pass,” you sigh out, head coming to rest upon the headrest. “Sorry my taste is better than yours.” You flick your middle finger at him before closing your eyes. “Yeah well redecorate your own damn office. Oh wait- it’s not as nice as mine”

His laugh fills the car and you smile as his lips press against the back of your hand. The two of you sit in silence, the forming clouds outside seeming to match the conflict in your heart. “It’s just weird you know.” He nods in support. 

“I know they tried to like kill me but— they were still my parents. They taught me everything I know.” A silence fills the car, Atsumu not really knowing what to say. “I hate that you’re so quiet these days.”

“I’ve lost at least 7 years of my life having to worry about ya through all this s-OW!” You roll your eyes as he rubs the arm you’ve just hit. He complained about you having a good arm before telling you to look at him. 

“You’ll be fine. Ya got me and-“

“Is that supposed to be comforting?” 

Shaking his head he continues,” and your sister and Granny. Our friends, and the whole city behind ya babe.”

You found yourself slowly nodding. You’re right,” you mutter more to yourself before leaning over the console to press a kiss on his cheek. Atsumu gives you a look before complaining. “That’s all I get. What a shitty thanks.”

You notice he slightly reclines his seat a smirk now on his face. “You’re definitely back to being annoying,” you scoff. “If you think I’m gonna ride you ride now you’ve lost it.”

“I’m just getting comfortable. What’s so bad about that. But what’s 1 kiss.” You ignore the way his hand creeps higher as you lean over the console. “It’s not even gonna be that if you don’t meet me halfway.” His eyes soften for a minute as he complied allowing your lips to connect. “Ya know what always makes me me feel better,” he mumbles lips against yours. 

The hand that had been on your thought moved to cup your jaw. “If you say sex I’m gonna walk home,” you breathe out as he presses fluttering kisses along the side of your neck. He only laughs. “That and spending money. Let’s go out.”

You ignore the shiver that runs down your spine as his touch gets harsher and you can feel the beginnings of a pain in the ass bruise at the junction between your neck and shoulder. “Only if you’re buying.” That causes him to stop, his eyes catching yours. “Aw c’mon ya have more money than me.”

“It’s official. I hate you,” you deadpan pulling away to sit in your seat. “I’m just joking. Lighten up woulda,” he teases the two of you fastening your seatbelt. “Just drive already.”

“Hey, (Y/N). I love you”

“I love you too. Now I think I deserve a treat right?

a/n: well one day i may add on to this universe but for now my longest piece of work is complete. Are there things id do differently? absolutely but for a total of 14k words between the two pieces? IM PROUD. thank u if u read it ily. Untl the next celebration yall

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #335

“on my forehead, a birthmark  /  remove it with the kiss of a knife  /  even if it causes me to die”

Do you recover well from surgery? Judging by the two surgeries I've had, oh yeah. I was hyper as hell when I came home from getting tubes put in my ears as a little kid, even though the doctor said I'd be very sleepy. Then, after my cyst removal, I was put on very strong painkillers but was still warned it was going to be a painful recovery, when it totally wasn't. I literally only took painkillers the first day. What addictions have you had? Caffeine, technology. Would you change your name if you became famous? Nah. If Cupid were real, would you hire him to make someone love you? No. I don't want somebody forced to love me. Ever been to an auction? No. Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy”) It kinda varies with gender. Women I tend to call "beautiful" or "gorgeous," sometimes "hot" or "cute," while men I usually refer to as "handsome" or "hot"/"sexy." The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? She's a bit younger. When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hm. I dunno. I have a hard time saying "no," so. When was the last time you had Pop Tarts? What flavour were they? Many months ago; I kinda stopped eating them because they're truly not filling and just a load of sugar that veils itself as an actual breakfast choice. But anyway, I liked the chocolate sundae ones. Have you ever felt a temperature below 0? No. Did you ever play Spyro? I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! SPYRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those games were my CHILDHOOD, and it's half the reason I'm dying for a PS4 to play the remastered trilogy. Speaking of which, it'd be awesome if they remade the The Legend of Spyro trilogy as well. I might just like those games more than the originals, but that's a bold statement I'm unsure about. Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? I dated a Hispanic guy for less than a day. Have you ever read any of your idols’ books/autobiographies? Ozzy Osbourne's, yes. I'm just fucking waiting for Mark to write one, but he's always said he has so little interest in writing about his life. DO IT, YOU FUCK. Do you own any succulents? No. I think they're pretty, though. Do you have a drone? No. What’s your favorite Netflix series? *shrug* What is something a lot of people like but you don’t? Summertime. The heat, the humidity (at least here), the sunburn from just standing outside for ten minutes... I hate all of it. The ONLY two things I enjoy about summer is swimming and then flowers, though spring is the more floral season here anyway. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? They've... happened. Did your first real significant other change you at all? Pretty sure forever. Are you waiting to have sex until you’re married? Once upon a time, that was the plan. Now, nah. I'd just want to be in a healthy, stable, and long-term relationship. What do you think about divorce? It's sad, but necessary for some people in order to be happy, which everyone has the right to be. I used to be very firmly against divorce except in extreme cases like abuse, etc., and I'm still definitely no fan of it and think couples should do their best to work things out, but it's incredibly unfair to believe that someone should be stuck for the rest of their life with a person they just don't love anymore. Getting married can be a mistake; don't damn people forever to be chained to their bad decisions. Do you remember the first time your heart broke? What was the reason? It was probably when Dad just abandoned us. What's the worst prank someone has ever done to you? I don't think anyone's ever pulled a sick joke on me. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Yes; my little sister deadass tried to walk outside late at night. Thank God I was on the computer in the living room and stopped her. What song are you listening to right now? I just turned "Mutter" by Rammstein on. When is the last time you cursed? I'm not re-reading, but I have probably cursed fifty times in this survey already. It's so deeply ingrained into my vocabulary. Are there any words on your shirt? No; it's just a plain gray tank top. Why do you forward forwards? I never do because they annoy the fuck out of me. How many people are you interested in at the moment? Just one in a healthy and logical way. I can't be truly interested in Jason because like come on I haven't spoken to him in four whole years. My PTSD just ensures I never forget the memory of who he was, who probably no longer even exists. I mean, look how much I'VE changed in four years. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Nnnnope. Who was the last person (apart from family) that you spent time with? What did you get up to? Apart from family, I have no idea. If you have pets, when was the last time one of them got on your nerves? Venus never does, but Roman can get on my nerves sometimes when I don't let him lay on me when I'm on the laptop in bed. He's a large cat (not overweight, just a big male cat) and blocks the screen big time unless he lies down properly, which he doesn't always do. He still tends to win when he tries to come over, but sometimes I'll block him with my arm, and this spoiled brat will actually slap it a few times before walking away lmao. Would you rather live in a house with a swimming pool or an indoor cinema? Absolutely a pool. I want one badly. Do you own a credit card? If so, do you currently owe any money on it? Could you afford to pay it off tomorrow if necessary? No. How many hours of sleep do you typically get each night? Is that enough to function or would you rather have more? Especially lately, I don't get nearly enough. Like at the time I'm answering this question, it's 4 AM, and I've been up for almost a couple hours. I struggle with falling asleep, I will ALWAYS wake up at least once in the night, and I jerk awake from nightmares regularly still. It's a big reason why I pretty much require naps. Does your house have a loft/basement? Are they functional or do you just use them for storage? We only have an attic. Do you suffer from road rage? What kind of thing tends to set you off or wind you up while driving? No. I'm way too timid of a driver to get that outwardly pissy about stupid people. I'd just judge them in silence, haha. What kind of animal did you last see in the wild? Is that a common sight where you live? Because of just how common they are, I'm going to assume this excludes birds, in which case it was probably a squirrel? Yeah, the normal brown ones are common. Do you post a lot on social media? If so, what kind of thing do you tend to post on there? Since I was fucking stupid enough to post a suicide note on Facebook (I don't want to hear a goddamn thing about "attention seeking," I genuinely wanted to say goodbye), I almost never, ever, share things about my personal life. Even before, it was rare for me to actually share what's going on with me. All I really do now is share relatable, wholesome, or funny shit I find, as well as political things I'm in firm agreement with. What are some habits you have in common with your parents? I pace like my dad, and it drives people crazy because it apparently makes them anxious? I can't think of an obvious one I have with Mom, but I'm sure one exists. Where's your favourite place to swim - the ocean, a pool, river, lake etc? I feel safest and most clean in a pool, but c'mon, swimming in the ocean is so much fun. When you're saving your place in a book, do you use a bookmark or fold your pages down? Or something else? It depends on the book, it seems. Especially if someone else owns it, like in school or something. Is any part of your body hurting at the moment? Is there a specific incident that caused the pain? My legs always hurt. I've shared enough as to why; it wasn't an actual, singular "incident." What was the last thing to make you laugh out loud? OH MY FUCKING GOD. So in group therapy the other day, one of the girls had her bearded dragon out, and he was being aggressive. I think he tried to bite her aND SHE SAID WITHOUT REALIZING HER MIC WAS ON, "fucking dickhead," and everyone d i e d. She's a really cool chick, I'll miss her when I'm finished with PHP. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, surprisingly enough. I barely ever sing. Do you bite your lips a lot? Yes, especially when they're dry. .-. What part of your body would you never get pierced? Anyone who gets a piercing "down there" has a greater pain tolerance than this bitch right here. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? Juan had quite a few. I don't remember if Tyler did... but I think maybe a The Legend of Zelda-related one? Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? No; I love dogs. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Man, idk, I'm a little bitch when it comes to emotional movies. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is high up there, as is of course Johnny Got His Gun. Old Yeller, too. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Sara's gonna write a fuckin book series ok you can't convince me otherwise. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? Damn dude, what an ungrateful question. I'm just appreciative someone even thought TO give me something. Do you shave your arms? My armpits, yes, but not my arms themselves. How many people have you dated? I only count three as even remotely serious: Jason, Sara, and Girt. Have you ever performed in a play? I remember back in Sunday school as a tiny kid I played Mother Mary in one we did in class. Do you chew gum? I have been more lately since my doc upped the dosage of one of my mood stabilizers (which I think is actually helping); I mention that because apparently a side effect is dry mouth, and it's the fucking Sahara in there. He advises those who deal with it to always carry around hard candy or something like that for the sake of forcing salivation, so gum works for me. How old were you when you first started dating? I was in the 7th grade when I had my first "boyfriend," but it was total puppydog love. I started dating my first "real" bf when I was just shy of 16. Are/were your parents strict? Dad, no. Mom, only to a degree that I feel was pretty reasonable. She only ever wanted to prepare us to be functional, independent adults. Didn't work so well on me though, ha... Do you wear glasses? Yes. God, I need new ones. I'm blind as hell. What do you miss most about your childhood? Being so outgoing and happy to just be weird lil me. Do you write “To-Do” lists? Not really, no, but I do have notes on my phone about a couple things, like a bulleted list of planned monetary investments by importance, as well as a list of drawing ideas. Do you have a favorite quote? What is it? I don't, really. There's loads I like, but no one favorite. Could you survive as a vegetarian? I pretty desperately want to, but I don't know if it's realistic. I am so, SO picky, and without meat, it's very questionable as to where I'd get an adequate source of protein. I still want to try again though once I'm at my goal weight. Has anyone ever asked you for your autograph? Lol no. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah, but that was a looong time ago when I was actually some semblance of pretty. Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? I used to be someone who firmly stood by nighttime showers, but now I'm all about them in the morning. It's a nice way to wake up and start the day with productivity. Could you handle living with a male roommate? I mean, I lived with my then-boyfriend once, but I'm going to assume you'd consider him more than a "roommate." We lived with our two other friends, though, also a couple, and I was totally fine with living with them. Has anyone taken their shirt off in front of you? Yes. Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is very scary, but all the movies I've seen bits of have always been super cheesy. Which do you prefer, Naruto or One Piece? I haven't seen either and really aren't interested. What do you think of Rob Zombie? I've never really watched his movies, but I'm a fan of his music. What’s you fetish? I don't have one. Have you ever been in the “friend zone?" Well, what I'd call a "fake" one with Jason after the breakup until I was blocked on Facebook. I know now he absolutely did not want to be friends; he was trying to appease me. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Definitely conservative. Do you know anyone who had to have tubes put in their ears as a baby? Yeah, me. Were either of your parents baptized? I'm certain Mom was, but idk about Dad. I think so. The last concert that you were at, was there a mosh pit? No. What was the last computer game that you played? World of Warcraft. Does your bathroom have a theme to it? No. Are any rooms in your house themed? No. What was the last thing that you recorded? I think Mom and I singing "happy birthday" to my late dog Teddy; we knew it would be his last. Do you like the show Futurama? Not really. Have you ever been in a choir class? I was in the elementary school chorus, as well as the choir at my childhood church. Are you ashamed of any of your family members? No, only myself. Were you a chubby child? No. Did you ever have senior photos done? No, even though I wanted them. Who is the person you dislike the most? God, this is so petty... but it's the girl Jason dated after me. I know it's childish as hell to feel like she "took" him from me, and I just feel this horrible hatred towards her that is entirely uncalled for. I just can't get myself to move past it. Do you take part in paying the bills for your household? No, as I'm unemployed and also don't have disability, so I literally can't. How do you usually celebrate New Years? I really don't do much. Sometimes Mom will grab a pack of daiquiris, but that's pretty much the extent of it. Does the place you work have music playing? What sort? N/A What was the last job interview you went to? At a local grocery store to work in the deli. Got the job, lasted there for not even two hours. :^) Do you know anyone with autism, mood disorders or learning disabilities? Autism and mood disorders, yes. I myself may have high-functioning Asperger's (yes, I know that term doesn't technically exist anymore, it's just the umbrella term of "autism," but w/e). Have you ever had an immediate relative pass away of cancer? My grandmother died of pancreatic cancer, and it's pretty much guaranteed that, unless there's some sudden accident, my mom will die of cancer, too. Hers got too bad to entirely eliminate every trace of cancer cells, so it will inevitably re-emerge at some point, just obviously some place else given that she had a total hysterectomy. Would you rather work in an office, warehouse or on a retail shop floor? Office. Are you a fan of sweet, sour, salty, or savory snacks? I enjoy all of those, but sour I think tops the list.

[fartonexit]

Well I'm back. Not reaving or anything, but been dealitg with shit.

Got hazed at the drag bar. Probably not meaning to ha e, but thats what it was. So I blew up at them on their fb page the next day and quit, basically. And I know one of them has access to my tumblr. I'm going to address them here just in case.

Kris, no one cares.

Anyways, I'd go in a lotg rant of all the wous and hardships of my daily life that hurt my job and wah wah but at the end of the day the only person that NEEDs to care about me is me.

My problem ot the bar was that I was still coming out and still dealing with really raw emotions based off of abuse I'm still experiencing. And actually now I've gotten an apology for stuff I didn't even know about, but has helped my life for the better.

And yeah I didn't say anything but motherfucker I owe you nothing stop making me feel like I have to tell you my life you fuckin bitch I don't want to get over it.

That was for kris at the end.

Been missing therapy appts, not on purpose. Bc of family or my partner, though now I think I've torn into everyone about how god damn important my appts are that if they intersect and for some reason my appt is their responsibility, tough shit.

The house is slowly becoming less of a hoarder hole. Slowly my mother is starting to accept me and kind of understand that transitioning isn't a little social patty cake game. Its me growing up because I got stunted emotionally, and it just so happens I already hated the vessel I'm in, it was just accentuated more and more for so long I probably am a bit fucked in the head now, but then really who isn't at that point.

But we're actually going to try to communicate. She walked up to me last night, honestly started to make me flip out because I'm expecting a certain subset of info, which also kinda showed her, hey, I'm defensive rn because I don't expect anythitg good fr stuff, and she's questioning that and I'm fucking glad.

I'm at a point transition wise where I've boiled more genders off too, now I'm just at 2. When I was a kid I experienced more like 10 or so, sometimes it feels like 40 or 50 though, but I think thats the DiD function of your brain at the time.

Side note child psychology and developmental psychology are mother fucking fascinating.

Then it boiled down to seven, then five, then last year it went from five to four, and as I've been able to socialize more, 2. Beth are nonbinary subsets that probably genderwise in a traditional sense ares't very describable, but I experience part of my life thru touch, so while it may not make sense to someone else, its literally just because describing things is dard for me.

In any case, at this point I'm putting money together to get my HRT. The meds are like 99% paid for, I just gotta get the copay. Better than paying 3k a few months a year! I'm gunna legally change my name, and depending on how burned I feel at the time, I kinda sorta decided I'd usurp my full name. But I won't explain why though, I don't owe that to anyone but me.

Only doing pesticide job rn, but honestly other than my income slowing down, things have gotten easier. I actually have time for my hobbies now. I can catually PLAY A ROUND OF TARKOV AND NOT GET IN TROUBLE FOR BEING LATE TO SOMETHING i DON'T WANNA DO. Its literally night and day that job.

Really I think the lesson is work at your own pace and fuck america. And I say that patriotically.

[crocodilenialledfics]

story page // masterlist // wattpad

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Six: You could bring the devil to his knees

word count: 5299

warnings: contains swearing, mentions of violence, sexual content, and drug use 

“Always with this midtown shit,” Luca mocked. “What, Brooklyn isn’t good enough for you?”

“Actually it’s not,” Rosalind agreed, eyes flicking to Niall’s. “Brooklyn is boring and I’ve got to get my thrills some how since I’m not allowed to do my fucking job.”

Niall gave her a subtle smirk, the one that gave Rosalind flashbacks to when he’d find himself between her legs, looking up at her with his devilish grin. Rosalind could kill him, looking at her that way with so many people around.

“And who’s this dickhead you’re getting your thrills from?” Luca demanded, hands on his hips. “Since it’s some big secret.”

“Just an asshole from Brooklyn,” Rosalind told him, the nonchalance in her voice made Niall chuckle, turning toward the door.

Rosalind’s recovery was slow and painful, but worst of all, it was boring. She’d spent weeks in bed, hardly able to even sit up. As her wound healed, another one grew. Niall was twisting the knife in her gut with each passing moment they spent together. 

The softness he offered her in touches and kisses. It was enough to open Rosalind up from the inside out. She’d craved it, touches like that, her whole life. She was never a child, not even when she was one. She’s never gotten the softness. 

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Niall had been coming around the shop more and more. It aggravated her, the way him and Luca got along. The laughs and jokes they shared, Rosalind wanted to burst both of their bubbles.

She wouldn’t, though. Her anger management was a challenge and she’d admit that to no one. The self control was hard, she learned. Rosalind’s favorite thing was instant gratification and anything that didn’t give her that sent her into a fit that ruined a lot of good things. 

Every day was a challenge for Rosalind but she was grateful to be back at work, mind occupied on other things. Luca held Rosalind back, making sure she didn’t dive in head first like she usually did. 

“I can go with you to Roger’s,” Rosalind murmured, arms crossing over her chest as she looked at all the eyes on her. The ones she didn’t want to see were Niall’s. 

Their deal with Rogers included both Rosalind and Niall. A loan taken out on both of their accounts. Rogers was notorious for pulling stunts which is why Luca was going in her place. It didn’t make her any less mad.

“It’s better that you just stay here,” Luca explained, tugging his jacket on. “Don’t want anything to happen to you, Roz.” 

“So I’m just supposed to sit around here all day doing absolutely nothing?” Rosalind demanded, eyes flicking between Niall and Luca, almost daring them to speak.

“The last time you went, things got physical,” Niall responded, and unsureness to his voice. Rosalind wished he wouldn’t of said that because was there a logical reason he would know that? 

“Yeah you had those bruises for weeks, Roz,” Luca added. “Just sit this one out, please?” 

Rosalind would be lying if she said collecting the money owed to her wasn’t her favorite part. The rush she got from every situation was what she lived for, what got her here in the first place. 

“You’re no good to us if you’re dead,” Luca told her, looking up at her from across the room. “Then I’ll be in charge? Or even worse, Gio? Nah, Roz. No one does this better than you.”

“Fine,” Rosalind conceded, sitting down at the desk. “Don’t fuck this up,” she warned. “Get the money and leave. He’s a sick fuck, likes to talk and shit. Don’t buy into it or else next thing you know, you’ve put down 10 large on some bogus stock that’ll go under before you walk out the door.”

Niall watched Rosalind, the offhanded way she mentioned it all. He thought he should be scared, the way she calculated everyone and everything. No less, it was a person she’d spent less than a couple hours with, tops. 

“Did you hear me?” Rosalind asked, pulling Niall from his thoughts. 

“Yeah,” Niall nodded. 

“Okay,” Rosalind muttered. “If I’m not here when you get back it means I’m in midtown. Staying up there a few days, I think.”

“Always with this midtown shit,” Luca mocked. “What, Brooklyn isn’t good enough for you?” 

“Actually it’s not,” Rosalind agreed, eyes flicking to Niall’s. “Brooklyn is boring and I’ve got to get my thrills some how since I’m not allowed to do my fucking job.”

Niall gave her a subtle smirk, the one that gave Rosalind flashbacks to when he’d find himself between her legs, looking up at her with his devilish grin. Rosalind could kill him, looking at her that way with so many people around. 

“And who’s this dickhead you’re getting your thrills from?” Luca demanded, hands on his hips. “Since it’s some big secret.”

“Just an asshole from Brooklyn,” Rosalind told him, the nonchalance in her voice made Niall chuckle, turning toward the door. 

“Well why don’t you bring him ‘round,” Luca offered. “Wanna shake his hand for puttin up with you and your volatile mood swings.” 

“He’s awfully busy,” Rosalind assured them, sitting down at the desk. “Now get the fuck out of here before Rogers gets pissed. Remember what I said.”

Rosalind watched the two of them walk out, knowing full well they were trouble put together. She knew Luca would come back later talking about what a guy Niall was and Rosalind would hate it. She wouldn’t say anything, though. 

There was no logical reason to hate Niall so vehemently. He was a good guy, a strong head on his shoulders, and he was honest and loyal. Thus, the perfect man, a man she could be proud of. All of that, though, Rosalind wasn’t quite ready to talk about nor admit aloud. 

She settled for keeping her lips sealed, finishing the little bit of desk work she had before traipsing off to midtown like she’d said. Her gut told her Niall would be around soon, mouth moving a million miles a minute. Rosalind was waiting for him, too, hoping he’d come. 

Rosalind found herself stuck in the hallway outside of her door, talking to Tony. She felt trapped in the small talk, wanting to escape it all. She went out to walk around the city a bit, grab a magazine or two and tony caught her on her floor. It’s like he always knew. 

“I hear you’ve got a man,” Tony told her, a ring to his voice that annoyed her. 

“That’s quite personal,” Rosalind told him, shifting on her feet. “And I don’t want to be disturbed. It’s been a long couple of months for me I need to-“

“Oh fuck!” Tony exclaimed. “Yeah, you got shot outside Al’s. I heard about that. Everything okay with that?” 

“Fine,” Rosalind nodded. “Everything is fine.” 

“Well alright,” Tony nodded. “Call if you need anything.” 

Rosalind slipped away from him, into her room, feeling relieved. She grabbed the bottle of wine, her magazines and went into the bathroom where she started the bath. 

Rosalind was never big on baths. She lacked the time and patience. Since her recovery, it was one of the best parts of her night. It helped with the anger, sitting and thinking alone. She did believe it would.  

Through her therapy, Rosalind realized her anger came from within, at the lack of time she had for herself. At first, she thought it was a crock, but after re-examining her life, there was truth to it all. 

Rosalind was well into her soak when she heard the door snick closed. “Roz,” Niall called out. “It’s me.” 

Rosalind didn’t respond, head turning to the door. Niall appeared in the doorway, though. Knuckles bloody, a gash on his cheek and Rosalind swore she’d kill Roger’s the next time she saw him. 

“Fuck,” Rosalind mumbled. 

“Well I laughed at an inappropriate time,” he declared, leaning against the doorway. “And I almost cant blame him for it. Hurts like a bitch, though.” 

“Laughing isn’t a reason to fuck up someone’s face,” Rosalind muttered, sitting up, water sloshing around her. 

“It is when you’re psychotic,” Niall chuckled, sitting down beside the tub. “I’m just glad you didn’t go.” 

Rosalind wished she would’ve been there to get her hands on him. He was one of the names on her list of people that had it out for her. She wouldn’t put it past him, the way he always played dirty. 

“Anyways,” Niall mumbled, head leaning back against the wall. “That fucker downstairs, Tony. Almost got into a fistfight with him. Trying to tell me you weren’t expecting anyone. I said our rule is I tell ya her name and number and come up but the prick pushed me so I punched him. I told him if he ever put his hands on me again, I’d make a hero outta him.” 

“Fuck,” Rosalind laughed, shaking her head. “It’s like you always have to cause a scene.” 

“It’s ridiculous that everyone wants to test me,” he muttered. “And keep me from you? Yeah fuckin right. The traffic was shit on the bridge and then they try to tell me I can’t come up. No fuckin way.” 

Rosalind chuckled at that, shifting back, knees bent. She let out a breath, eyes fluttering a bit. Niall watched her, eyes gazing over the sharpness of her neck, just picturing the skin beneath the water. There was no one he’s ever wanted more. At any given moment, it was safe to say that he wanted her. Bad. 

“But you know that tony guy?” Niall asked, further pressing the subject. 

“Yeah we dated in high school,” Rosalind murmured, sliding her feet until her toes poked out of the water. “Nothing major. Every time I come he tries a bit too hard.” 

“There’s a million decent hotels around here if he’s a problem, why do you still come here?” Niall asked, waiting for her to say the words he wanted to hear. A confession of some type.  

“Some of the guys come here,” Rosalind shrugged. “It’s good for business. And close to the casino. Lots of famous faces walk through here.”

“I know but why do you come?” Niall asked, the emphasis on her making her eyes flick to his. 

After a long moment, Rosalind finally answered him. “Tony and I loved each other. Or so he thought. After high school I was lined up to work odd jobs for my father’s friends and tony was going off to community college. The thought of it made me sick. I hated it. The college thing. Tony’s dad was best friends with my dad and it didn’t make sense how he didn’t want to be just like his father. We fought, I punched him, we broke up.” 

Niall hummed, not giving her a sound response to what she shared. It wasn’t as bad as he feared. He thought maybe Tony and her were close the way Niall and her were close or a million other things that ended with Rosalind in bed with someone that wasn’t him. 

“What?” Rosalind asked, at the way he was staring so hard at her. It made her uncomfortable for a number of reasons. 

“Nothing,” Niall shook his head, a set of words that would surely get him a black eye on the tip of his tongue. “You guys fuck still?” 

“No,” Rosalind responded, annoyed but not angry. That’s how he knew it was the truth. Her anger came when she tried to lie or mask her feelings in a way that was impossible. 

“You fuck anyone?” Niall asked, eyes focused on her face. “Else,” he added. 

Rosalind met his eyes, eyebrows furrowing. “So if I answer that and ask you the same you’ll tell me the truth?” 

“Yeah,” Niall responded. “I would.”

“Okay well before I answer, you should know that about a month ago, Lanzo saw you hanging around with some guys from Ralph’s in the back room at that club on west. Some blonde girl all over you,” Rosalind told him. 

“That was...” Niall trailed off, a loss of words. 

“That was whatever,” Rosalind finished for him. “And I don’t care who you fuck around with but to come around here asking what I do in the time that I’m not with you isn’t any of your fucking business. If you asked to start a new fight with me, don’t. I’m tired.”

“I just wanted to know,” Niall explained, voice quiet. “That was like a one time thing, though. We just did like hands stuff, you know.” 

“I don’t care what you did,” Rosalind laughed, standing up. She unplugged the drain, and grabbed her towel off the rack. Niall’s eyes followed her. “I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know.”

“Well I don’t fuck anyone else,” Niall told her. “Haven’t in a while.” 

Rosalind didn’t answer him, stepping out of the tub. She dried herself off, tugging her robe on. Niall followed her into the room, watched her push the balcony doors open to let the cool air in. She leaned down, pulling a baggy out of her suitcase, a couple blunts. 

Niall followed her out onto the balcony, dying for her answer. Rosalind sat down, picking up her lighter to light the blunt. Niall watched her, blunt between her lips, lighter in hand. What he’d give to have her like this forever. 

Only when she took a hit of the blunt did she finally answer him, passing it his way. “I don’t know what answer you want from me, but even if it is the one you want to hear, it isn’t because of what you think.”

“Okay,” Niall responded, almost dumbly. 

“I don’t fuck anyone else. I haven’t since we started doin this,” Rosalind told him, relaxing against the chair. “Fucking more than one person is confusing and messy and quite frankly, it’s disgusting. Just thinking about where your fingers have been is enough to make me want to throw up. So don’t tell me what you’ve been doing. I don’t want to know.”

“I told you I don’t fuck anyone else,” Niall argued. 

“Okay,” Rosalind retorted, rolling her eyes. “If that’s the story you’re sticking to.” 

Niall didn’t respond, passing her the blunt. Rosalind took a slow inhale, eyes fluttering. She let out a breath, passing it back to him, “gonna fuck me after this?”

“Dunno have to see if my other girlfriend- the blonde one is busy later or not. If she’s busy then yeah.” 

“That’s a sound way to get yourself a broken jaw,” Rosalind told him, shaking her head. “I might be in anger management but I still have a right hook that’ll make your head spin ‘round your neck like the cartoons.” 

Niall let out a chuckle, taking a hit. He handed it back to her, declaring, “that’s enough for me.”

Rosalind hummed, eyelids already a bit heavy. “Fuck, okay,” she murmured. “You ever thought about fucking out here?” 

Niall’s eyebrows raised, looking around the city skyline around them. Anyone could see them sitting there. If things weren’t so secret, he’d think about it. Niall let out a chuckle, standing up, “okay come on Roz.” 

Rosalind followed him back inside where he took his clothes off until he was underwear clad, pushing her onto the bed. Her robe fell open and Niall smirked down at her, finger slipping inside of her. 

“I don’t wanna be on the bottom tonight,” Rosalind told him, spreading her legs for him. She let her finger drift down, pressing at her clit. Niall watched her, not having it in him to tell her to stop. Seeing Rosalind touch herself turned him on in ways he didn’t think possible. 

“Keep touching yourself,” Niall told her, finding himself ducked down between her legs, watching her body move. 

“Really,” she mumbled at how boring that was. She wanted his mouth, or fingers on her. 

“Yeah it’s hot,” Niall told her, spreading her folds with his fingers. 

“Was hoping you’d put your mouth on me,” Rosalind told him, fingers disappearing as she sat up. 

“Don’t feel like it,” Niall told her, shrugging as he sat up. “You can ride my thigh, though.” 

“Don’t wanna ride your thigh, wanna ride your dick,” Rosalind told him, shrugging her robe all the way off her body. 

“Guess we’re at odds, then,” he shrugged, eyes trailing over her body. 

“So this is a negotiation,” Rosalind chuckled, nodding. “What is it that you want?” 

“I want you to make yourself cum,” he told her nudging her leg with his knee. “By yourself. Just want to watch you.” 

“That’s quite boring,” Rosalind answered. “It’s not even like I have any toys to make it fun. Just me and my fingers? Boring.”

“So?” 

“So save that for a rainy day,” Rosalind offered. “Back at my place.”

“Fine,” Niall gave in. “New negotiation. I wanna do anal.”

“Do you have any lube?” Rosalind asked, eyebrows raising, knowing full well that he didn’t. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, collapsing on the bed beside her. 

“Jesus,” Rosalind laughed, falling back on the bed. 

“Okay let me try to tie you up again,” Niall offered, appearing over her face, eyebrows furrowed. “No cheating this time.” 

“Then don’t tease me,” Rosalind retorted. “I hate to be teased.” 

“Just let me edge you a couple of times,” Niall offered, already working the belt out of the robe she was wearing. 

“No way,” Rosalind mumbled, shifting on the bed to sit up on her elbows. “No edging.” 

“Just one time,” Niall offered. “Come on, baby,” he honeyed, head tilting to the side. “Wanna see you begging for it. Close to the edge, crying out because you want it so badly. Sensitive skin all over, just begging for me to touch you.”

“No,” Rosalind breathed out, but her cheeks flushed thinking about it. 

“Ya sure?” He asked, eyebrow raising as he looked down at her. “Looks like maybe you want it too, Roz.”

“I might be convinced,” Rosalind offered. “After you kiss me a while.”

Niall let out a chuckle, nodding. “Come ‘ere.” 

Rosalind found herself straddling him to where her wet center rubbed against his underwear clad cock. She’d barely done anything and Niall was already breathless. 

“You’re the one that needs edged,” Rosalind told him, thumb brushing over his bottom lip as she rolled her hips against his. His eyes fluttered and he chuckled. 

“Maybe in the morning,” Niall offered, fingers wrapping around her hips, to grind her against him. 

Rosalind caught his lips in a desperate kiss, moaning against him. Niall licked into her mouth, the sounds sending him into a spiral. Rosalind began to think about a morning with him, what that meant. It was a passing thought, letting it leave her mind as fast as it entered. 

Niall kissed Rosalind until they were both breathless, panting against each other. It was hot and wet and with anyone else, she probably would have thought it was repulsive. With Niall, she was so desperate for more. A harder, messier, dirtier kiss with desperate hips brushing against each other. 

It felt like hours before Niall pulled away for good grabbing her wrists between them to tie them up. This time, the knots were tight leaving her no room to wiggle or move. Rosalind gave him a pout, looking up at him. 

Niall didn’t give in, nodding toward the bed. “Lay down, then.”

Rosalind let out a heavy sigh, licking her lips. She looked down at the bed, nodding slowly, “alright. Fine. But I’d like for it to be known that I won’t enjoy any second of this.”

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy a lot of seconds of this,” Niall told her, watching her lay down. He spread her legs wide putting her in full view. 

Niall started slow, kissing at her thighs open mouth kisses that had Rosalind sighing out. Without warning, one finger inside of her. Rosalind clenched around him, pulling him in and he almost called the whole thing off, ready to take her from behind. 

“Roz, baby,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her clit. “You’re so tight. Know you’re trying to tease me.” 

“I’d never,” Rosalind murmured to the ceiling, eyes shut. It was in her nature to tease, though. 

Niall didn’t tease Rosalind this time, beginning the assault on her most sensitive spots. He licked at her clit, reveling in the way her body moved. 

Rosalind’s legs spread wide, gasping out his name. It was music to his ears. One finger inside of her, and Rosalind groaned, the trench of it. It felt like forever since she’s had him. Two fingers in, and Rosalind writhed against the bed. 

Niall’s tongue on her clit, the constant pressure and the slow stretch of his fingers inside of her had her a mess on the sheets. She moaned, back arching off the bed. Niall’s hand on her stomach kept her grounded, hips pressing against the bed. 

Niall’s mind raced with thoughts about being the only person to have her in this way. He was the only one with his lips wrapped around her clit, fingers curling inside of her to make her gasp. It was just his. 

Niall ground his own hips against the bed, seeking some relief. He was painfully hard, humming against her dewy skin. Rosalind let out a particularly loud moan, thighs beginning to shake and that’s when he pulled away, sitting up to watch her. 

Rosalind let out a breath, looking down at him. She was unimpressed, he could tell. Rosalind dropped her legs to the bed, eyes slipping shut. “I hate you, for this,” she mumbled.  

“I’m sure,” Niall agreed, crawling up her body to kiss at her neck until he met her lips. He kissed her bruised lips, careful not to touch a single part of her body. 

Rosalind was desperate for it, though, hands sliding down to palm at his hard cock. Niall chuckled against her lips, pulling away. “What’re you playing at?” 

“Think I wanna suck you off,” Rosalind told him, eyebrows furrowed. “Isn’t that weird.” 

“For you, yeah,” he chuckled, sitting back. “Ya want to, though?” 

“I think so,” Rosalind murmured, letting out a sigh. 

Niall hummed, licking his lips. “Alright, lover. On your knees.” 

Rosalind let out another heavy sigh, sitting up. She got onto the floor, situating herself on her knees, hands falling to her lap. Niall palmed himself, just looking at her. Her red cheeks, puffy lips. She’s never looked so good. 

Niall scoffed forward, shoving his underwear down over his knees. Rosalind looked up at him, shaking her head. “This is gonna be hard, you know. Might need some help.” 

“I’ll help,” Niall told her, pushing the hair from her eyes. “Long as you’re a good girl.”

Rosalind rolled her eyes at him, letting out a laugh. “Don’t push it.” 

Niall laughed, shrugging his shoulders. “I just wanted to see what would happen.”

Niall reached around, gathering her black hair into his hand. Rosalind sat up, eyelashes fluttering at him. Niall let out a groan, wrapping his hand around himself, “swear you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, Roz.”

“Why is it that you’re only nice and sweet when I’m about to suck you off?” Rosalind asked, shaking her head. “Seems suspicious to me.”

“I decline to comment,” Niall told her, tightening his grip in her hair. “Open up, would ya.” 

Rosalind pursed her lips for a moment, holding back her eye roll. She licked her lips, straightening up, eyes on Niall’s. She let out a breath, opening her mouth. Niall gave her his smirk, resting the tip of his cock on her lips. 

The whole thing had Rosalind aching between her legs. Niall guiding her along, one hand in her hair, the other on his cock. Rosalind had to close her eyes, a moan falling from her mouth as she took him in deeper. Just the weight of him on her tongue. 

“Good girl,” Niall grunted out, eyes glued to her face. “Fuck, Roz. That’s it.” 

Rosalind hollowed her cheeks out, eyes pinched shut as they began to water. She took him down though, until he hit the back of her throat. Niall cursed under his breath, hips stuttering. 

Niall could count on one hand the amount of times Rosalind had sucked him off and each time left his mind in a haze. This was no exception. Rosalind bobbed her head until Niall pulled her off, groaning as he did. 

Rosalind wiped the back of her mouth with her bound wrist, eyebrows furrowed. “Why’d you stop?” 

“Didn’t wanna cum,” he told her, watching her with an intent that should have made her nervous. “Can’t decide what I want to do.” 

Rosalind let out an unimpressed sigh, sitting back on her haunches. “This is why you’re never in charge.” 

“Well fuck me, Roz. You’ve said no to everything I wanna do,” Niall grunted, shoulders falling as he looked down at her. 

“How’s about you untie me,” Rosalind smiled, head tilting to the side. “And let me ride you.” 

“Roz we get it. You have thighs of steel. You can ride dick long after I cum. No need to show off all the damn time,” Niall mocked, pulling her up to her feet by the wrists. 

Niall pulled her in for a kiss, hands gripping her hips. Rosalind kissed him back feverishly, desperate for something. Anything. The kiss didn’t last very long. Niall pulled away, licking his lips. “Okay, Roz. Hands and knees.”

“Niall,” she all but whined. 

“You said I was in charge,” he argued, eyebrows raising. 

“But...” she trailed off, shoulders falling. “I hate it like that.”

“Why?” He laughed. 

“I can’t see you,” she explained, a softness fo her voice that made Niall ache. 

“That why you like to ride me?” He asked, already beginning to change his mind.  

“I like it when you watch me,” she told him, just dying to kiss him, the way he was looking at her. 

With a flutter of her eyelashes, Rosalind has changed his mind. Niall’s back hit the headboard just as Rosalind straddled him, her wet center brushing over his hard cock. Niall groaned at that, gripping her hips. 

“You gonna untie me?” Rosalind asked. 

“In your dreams,” Niall murmured, pulling her in for a kiss. Rosalind rolled her hips against his and he groaned. 

“Come on Niall,” she whispered, nosing along his jaw. “Get the condom.”

“Lover,” he said, “I’m not going to cum in you, if that’s what you think. We’re just getting started.”

Rosalind watched him, not believing it. He lifted her hips just enough to slip inside of her. The air left her lungs just as Niall groaned, eyes slipping shut. “Fuck, baby,” he breathed out. “You feel so good.”

Rosalind let out a moan, as Niall lifted her hips again, getting them into a rhythm. Niall kissed at Rosalind’s neck, teeth scraping against her throat. She felt seconds away from cumming. It was all so overwhelming. The intimacy. The teeth on her neck. Rosalind cried out and Niall pulled her off of him. 

“Niall,” she begged, chest heaving. “Please. I feel like I’m dying.” 

“You’re not dying,” he murmured against her neck. He slid his finger between her legs, thumbing over her clit. “What is it you were working? Delayed gratification.”

“Not like this,” she whispered, eyes slipping shut, as a moan escaped her lips. “I’m hating every second of this.”

“Your moans sound an awful lot like enjoying,” he teased, sliding his hand over her hips. “I’m thinking of all the ways to get you back for all the times you‘ve kicked me out of your place.”

Rosalind breathed out a laugh, shaking her head, “not fair. I’ll never get to cum.”

Niall smiled above her, letting out his own laugh. Without a warning, Niall lifted her hips again, sliding inside of her. Rosalind moaned, stretching around him as she bottomed out. 

Niall caught her lips in a kiss. It was wet and messy and it had Rosalind groaning against his lips. She wanted more more more. Her hands on him, to feel him everywhere. She whined against his lips, feeling the overwhelming urge to cry. 

“Niall,” she begged, pulling away. “Please,” she whispered, a tenderness to her voice that he’d never heard before. “Please, I need to cum so badly. Please.”

Niall’s nose brushed against hers as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. She whimpered against his lips, eyes stinging. Niall pulled away, telling her, “lay down on your back.”

“Niall,” she whined, teetering on the edge of anger. 

“Easy, tiger,” he murmured, tapping her on the bum. “I need to get a condom.”

Rosalind let out an unsatisfied groan, disentangling herself from him. She laid down while Niall got off the bed, searching his pants pocket for a condom. 

Rosalind let her hands slip between her legs. She rubbed herself against her palm, letting out a sigh of relief. Niall pushed her hand away, straddling her, knees on either side of her thighs. “Roz, stop it,” he said, opening the condom. 

“You’re an asshole,” she said, unable to help herself. 

“I know,” Niall chuckled, shaking his head. “And you’re a brat.”

“Can you let me cum now?” She asked, feeling herself calm down, the closer they were.  

“Maybe,” he nodded. 

“Can you untie me too?” She asked sweetly, eyelashes fluttering.  

“Afraid not,” he shook his head. 

“I wanna touch you,” Rosalind begged, holding up her wrists as if to prove it. “Wanna pull your hair and wrap my hands around your throat. I wanna grab your ass and-and leave scratches on your shoulders.”

Rosalind could tell Niall was teetering on the edge. He was going to give in. Rosalind wrapped her hands around his hard cock and he let out a breath, eyes fluttering. “Please,” she whispered, breathy and soft. 

“I hate you,” he mumbled, grabbing her wrists. He pushed her hands away. “Arms over your head.”

Rosalind groaned, lifting her arms nonetheless. Niall slid the condom over his aching cock, spreading her legs just enough to slide inside of her. Rosalind moaned, back arching slightly as she wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him impossibly closer. 

“Baby,” he murmured, nosing along her jaw. “Feel so good.”

All Rosalind could do was moan, pleasure coursing through her. She was desperate for relief after all the teasing he’d done. It was clear Niall was just as desperate, the way he he fucked into her good and hard. 

Rosalind was once again reminded that there would be no one after him that could compare. Her orgasm crashed over her in a sharp gasp and curling toes. Niall was right along with her, teeth barred against her shoulder. 

Niall collapsed beside her, tossing the condom into the waste basket. Rosalind let out a disgruntled sigh, rolling onto her side. “Niall,” she grunted. “Can you untie me?”

“Shit,” Niall laughed, sitting up on his elbows. “Sorry. Forgot.”

Rosalind rolled her eyes, extending her bound wrists toward him. Niall untied her, setting her sore wrists free. She couldn’t find it in herself to be angry about the marks left in her skin just yet. 

The urge overwhelmed her, so Rosalind kissed him, hands tangling in his hair to tug just enough to Niall’s breath to hitch in the back of his throat. It took everything in her not to press herself against him and rut just a little bit. 

That must have been character growth on Rosalind’s end, that she didn’t want to get him back. Niall, unwitting, was amused about her eager kiss. He let his hand slide down the curve of her back to settle at the bottom of her spine. The other, he pushed Rosalind’s sticky hair from her forehead. “Thanks,” he said. 

“Wasn’t easy letting you do that,” she told him, eyelashes fluttering at the softness of his touch. 

“I know,” he chuckled. “Did you enjoy it, though?”

“The ending, yeah,” Rosalind laughed, letting herself lay down beside him, just for a second. “In between stuff... not so sure.” 

“I enjoyed all of it,” Niall declared, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Favorite part was when you said please.”

“don’t go telling anyone that I said please,” Rosalind warned, sitting up. She tugged her robe on, standing up. “I’ll have no street cred.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Niall murmured, watching her walk off to the bathroom. This Rosalind was just for him to see.

//

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[novarin]

The Fox & The Crow.

                                                    - Music -  

Midnight.

The slow lull in the constant onslaught of attacks had been a welcome respite to the ragtag Merc crew that had gathered under men that went by Talon and Stellan. While Novarin originally had intentions of his own, he could not deny when Jackary approached him to repay a favour that he go in the Mage’s stead... For now.

That had been days ago, nearly a week and there had been radio silence from the Kirin Tor Archmage since then.

On top of that, Nova had also been asked to drag along a tiny Vulpera, a runt even amongst the society of fox people and blind on top of that. What Jack had seen in this little thing was beyond Novarin but he hadn’t been in the position to argue - he owed Jackary that much. It was no secret that many had begun to baby the Vulpera and Nova was less than thrilled to have a blind snack on the field.

‘Oh, please! Let me take night watch... You need rest and I can do it! I really can!’ 

Kou had begged him... Pleaded with him to take over the night watch in his stead and to let Novarin have a bit of rest. Reluctantly, he had agreed, only because others would also be there. What could a blind fox honestly do? 

‘Stay low n’ stay outta trouble, ain’ need none o’ th’ figh’ers in danger jus’ t’ save ya. Ya hear some’n, ya call f’er help.’

Perhaps he had been too hard. Those thoughts slipped through Nova’s mind as eyes had finally begun to close and drift off into his first nap in what seemed like days. 

Until...

“Multiple frostwyrms incoming from the west, at least 5 spotted, accompanied by scourge and cultist ground troops - ETA 15 minutes.  Everyone to arms, we’re going to intercept them just outside the Crossroads. Work together, have each other’s backs, and don’t die. Booze is on me afterwards.”

Nova sprang awake from the incoming message, Talon’s voice echoed hard into his ears and in the process of trying to awaken from his groggy sleep, Nova’s white eyes snapped open in the hard realization that not only were they under attack... but Kou was right in the middle of it all and likely making a nuisance of himself. Such thoughts spurred him further into action, pushing himself from place he had come to rest. When Nova snagged his blades, both hissing wildly at him upon reconnecting to their cursed owner.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck...!” Strapping both to the harness on his back, the Shadowblade leaped forward to sprint towards where he had last left the fox in the midst of the forming chaos. Everywhere and all around, people were getting ready, the call to arms nothing shy of phenomenal. They’d all worked together very well thus far and though Nova kept his distance as a scout, the now underlying problem was that the blind Vulpera was likely going to be a sitting duck in the midst of a heated battle.

“KOU!” Spotting the Vulpera who had indeed just been standing in the middle of everyone running around him, the way the little creature had his head tilted up in the exact direction that Talonoa had called out was something to be marveled. For the briefest moment, Nova almost swore that the whole blindness had been a lie... That was until Kou twitched an ear and glanced over his shoulder to try and hear who was calling for him.

“Nova? You should be resting—” Kou tried to smile, cheerful as ever in such a chaotic situation. The roars echoed through the sky of the approaching madness like thunder crackling and ripping across the sky.

“Kou, listen t’ me, ya need t’ go back t’ camp, alrigh’? I ain’ fuckin’ playin’ this cute lil’ game anymore where ya think ya coul’ be useful in this situation.”

“But... I can be. I can fight.” Kou’s bright smile began to falter into a look of concern, perhaps a bit downtrodden that Nova truly felt so little of him. It even showed when those adorable ears wilted, drooping from the tiniest of pouts.

Before the pair could even remotely finish their argument, the bestial roars were at their doorstep and a wave of ice had been blown right at them. Nova dove forward with every intention of trying to at least block it and protect Kou but before he could even move, his eyes snapped wide, watching the little fox simply raise a paw to the air.

Without even seeing the breath, a wave of warm light caressed over the pair like a shield, deflecting the would be attack and almost instantly melting it away, sparing them from being frozen in place. Others close within the vicinity had been blessed with such but it wasn’t akin to the Holy Light of Azeroth at all, it was simply a mimic of it, an illusion to fit in.

“You—...”

“We can discuss this later, but Mister Talon has said that if we stop the Frostwyrms, we get free alcohol.” That ever peppy tone returned and soon so did the waggle of that fluffed tail at the proposition of free things.

How could Novarin argue with that logic?

“Fine..! But we’re ‘avin’ a serious fuckin’ discussion ‘bout you leavin’ this t’ th’ professionals when we’re done. I won’ force ‘em t’ babysit ya!” Growling in frustration, the Shadowblade withdrew one of his blades to brace himself for the impact that had begun to turn around and come back for them. Already he could see one of the Frostwyrms arch back to fly directly towards the unlikely pair.

“I wish you would relax more, yes yes. Maybe get some therapy for that pent up anger. Are you missing someone, Mister Nova?” Kou questioned, still not even facing the beast that was coming right at them.

“FOCUS YA LIL’ FURBALL! ‘FORE I PUNT YA BACK T’ CAMP!”

Helplessly shrugging, a certain dark aura gathered at the Vulpera’s feet, within moments it quickly took over his entire body. “Just get its attention and bring it down closer, yes yes?” Was the only reply Kou gave as tiny claws raised up to the sky again, allowing a bit of his own power to reach out in a wave of unity, a feeling of Fortitude rushed through the Crossroads, blessing his allies with a sudden sense of adrenaline and power.  The sensation alone was cause for Nova to pause and bring his free hand up to his own chest, surprised at the sensation coursing through his veins.

Perhaps... Just perhaps this little beastie wasn’t as useless as Novarin thought him to be.

Seeing the skeletal dragon finally come close enough, Novarin reached to his hip to grab the small contraption on his belt and aimed it upward to pull the trigger - the grappling hook shot out at blinding speed to latch onto the bones and pull the rogue with it. Scaling up with the retraction of his handy gizmo, the Shadowblade landed as best he could, hanging on for dear life when the wyrm took such as a signal to retract and fly higher into the air.

“No no! I SAID BRING IT DOWN NOT MAKE IT GO UP!! YOU ARE GOING THE WRONG WAY!” Kou yelped, speaking into the comm for Novarin to hear him.

How could those milky eyes see that? How did he know the dragon was going up? Was Kou faking it this entire time?

Turning his attention upwards to watch the rogue’s energy tangle with the Frostwyrm, Kou waited patiently on the ground, knowing full well he could trust his teammates to handle the others that were in mid attack. A hand reached behind him to pull his staff free of it’s strap and with a slow inhale, the serpent’s skull atop it seemed to open when whispered incantations escaped the Vulpera’s tiny muzzle. The eye sockets lit up with a brilliant white glow, clearing the fox’s vision to reveal the luminescent gold hues below. The tiniest little smirk twitched and with a swipe of his hand, a torrent of shadows swirled around him from the skull of his staff, rendering the creation of a fully formed serpent and hovering shark beast to flank either side of him.

It seemed Kou’s outlandish stories may have held some sort of merit.

Novarin noticed the spike of energy below and with a renewed sense of possible hope that the fox was indeed capable of combat, he started the climb, hanging on for dear life when the Frostwyrm he was attached to began to spin and roll to try and shake the rogue free. Much to its dismay, Nova remained tightly latched, faltering only on his foothold for a brief moment.

Once close enough to the bony structure of the dragon’s neck, the cursed blade Nova had been holding onto was slammed in between the bones to help give him a handle to hold onto and brace himself for his next crazy idea. The same grappling hook he had used earlier was aimed and fired, latching the claw of it into the back of the Frostwyrm’s jaw and instead of following it with the retraction, Novarin yanked hard, forcing the beast’s head down and to turn hard right, guiding it back directly towards the little fox and his shadowy figures.

“If you have a fuckin’ plan, I SUGGES’ YA DO IT NOW!” Nova called out through the comm, the wind torrent causing quite a bit of static on his end. They were going to crash at this rate and at such a momentum, Novarin knew he’d be flung off.

“Yes yes, big plan, much surprise, very soon.” Kou teased in reply, chipper through the drastic attacks they were suffering. Once Novarin and the dragon were within casting range, Kou shot out his claws, outstretched towards Nova with all of his might. The serpent shot forward, fangs bared. The biting shadow sank hard into Novarin’s torso, not painfully but the life grip was certainly attached and with minimal effort, Kou yanked the rogue, blade, grappling hook, and some bone back to his side to free the Shadowblade of the crashing dragon. 

It didn’t stop there. 

The Vulpera swung his staff up in an arching motion and soon the shark took its own bite but not into Novarin, into the dragon instead, splattering the darkness onto the bones to create a tether and slow the beast down considerably as it was trying to pull itself back up to avoid crashing. Guiding the dragon as best he could, Kou braced himself for impact, forcing the beast to hit the ground.

The agonizing roar echoed out and as a claw swiped angrily at the two attackers, Kou and Novarin both dodged out of the way - Nova far more out of shock than he should have been. In truth, they needed a better plan, not just the dodge fest that was coming out of the pair trying to keep the wyrm’s attention.

“Get t’ th’ side!” Nova called out but just as he did, a single swat of that tail slammed into Kou, knocking the tiny fox several yards and gashing his soft white fur open from the sharp bones. The loudest, most pitiful yip sounded when he rolled in the dirt, the crimson already began to stain the white fur. Kou curled up a moment to apply a firm amount of pressure to the wound as if it would help stop the pain, the very wind knocked from him.

Novarin narrowed his eyes, reaching back to unsheathe his second blade, letting the whispers of the cursed objects further incite chaos into his ears.  Squeezing the blades tightly, the spikes within the handles ejected, piercing his palms in the now scarred holes, the curse he had tried to avoid using at all costs but now? Now it was personal. No one got to kick the fox but him.

Both swords ignited into a bright glow once fed the droplets of blood, causing a burst of power to course through the Shadowblade. He calmed, eerily so, and with a single kick off the ground, Novarin vanished in thin air. When he returned, he was above the dragon to swipe down with both swords in a devastating blow and just as the blades connected, he vanished again. Novarin was a flurry of blood soaked rage, the disappearing act was a sequence of particularly hard strikes in a killing spree, each time reappearing in a different direction.

This distraction was enough to give the Vulpera time to pull himself up and wheeze, shaking off the glancing blow. His paw reached for the staff not far away and with another soft mutter of words, the serpent and shark made their way back to his side again. It took little convincing to let the specters avenge the wounded Vulpera and with another spike of energy, both rushed towards the flailing dragon, coiling around the beast until they dove into the ground, hiding for a blink of an eye.

With absolutely no warning, dark chains shot up from the ground to attach themselves to the dragon, coiling around the limbs and locking the beast in place, all easily controlled by a single paw in the air and a panting fox who wasn’t wearing his usual smile but instead, a frown of pain. The milky clouds had already begun to return to the glowing gold eyes but he wouldn’t let that deter him from getting the job finished.

“Anytime, Mister Nova!” Kou called out as he held the vice grip on the beast with all of his might. He was struggling to contain a dragon that could have had him as a snack but for his new friends? He used all of his might to restrain the Frostwyrm.

Upon command, Novarin reappeared from the shadows, diving down into a full evisceration with both blades crossed to snap through the Frostwyrm’s neck like a pair of scissors. With ferocious velocity, the Rogue went straight through, decapitating the beast and severing the Lich ties that brought it to life. He landed in the pile of the skeleton that began to collapse, struggling as the last of the Lichfire faded from the heart chamber of the fallen creature.

Once slain, Kou exhaled the breath he had been holding and stumbled back to collapse in a sitting position and press his palm to his side. Ears folded back a moment, frustrated at himself for getting hurt. The shadows recoiled back into him and faded away, leaving the tiny fox alone.

In realization that the Vulpera had collapsed, Novarin pushed himself up from the rubble to sprint over. He knelt down, intent to search and see just how badly it was. “Hey, ya alrigh’?”

The clouded vision raised towards Novarin’s voice but the roars of more dragons were deafening to those overly large audits. “I will be.. But the others need our help! No time to sit, yes yes!” Giving the best smile he could muster, Kou pushed himself to stand, shaking off the small gash in his side in favour of finding the others to assist.

“Mm...” Nodding, Nova offered two quick pats to Kou’s head and stood up, turning to face the others that were in their own battles. “Shall we?”

“For Azeroth!” Kou chirped, running as best he could with the tiniest of limps, ready to jump right in.

“F’er Azeroth.”

> @koukikai <

>Mention: @talonoa @inistellan <

[matriarchofworms]

HEY. SO. I JUST WROTE THIS LONG ASS RANT AND THEN TUMBLR DELETED IT AND I THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL BETTER BUT I DON’T 

SO

TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT, PSYCH WARDS, SHITTY DOCTORS, SELF HARM, SUICIDE AND SHIT

-

okay damn anyway, is it hot in here? i think it’s hot in here. i’m sweating. 

so basically i come home one day to the news that the insurance people called my dad and were like “hey you owe us half a mil, care to pay? :)” so he’s like “eh?” and they’re like “oh you didn’t know? we decided not to cover your child’s hospital stay because she “didn’t need to be there.”

so APPARENTLY when i waltzed into that building, told the asshole working there about my sexual assault, about my self harm habits, about how i wanted to die, the insurance took that as “oh yeah no she’s fine”

I was in scrubs for a WEEK :))))) Some middle aged woman watched me sit on a toilet, and take showers for a WEEK :)))))))))) They stripped me and stared at my body so they could look at all my scars for a WEEK :_)

AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO MEAN I DIDN’T NEED TO BE THERE. What! The! Fuck!

The nurses there heard me describing my trauma, how much I hated being alive, the works. The therapists heard that shit too. And they were suPPOSED to be recording all of it. They sure as hell threatened us with that all the time. But I guess they never got to it when it was fuckin important. 

There was a lovely girl there who had come in for a suicide attempt long before I showed up, and she was evicted around five weeks before she was supposed to be released. And that was the fuckin minimum. Her insurance basically said “we’re not paying for this shit anymore, so even though we know your parents can’t financially support this, we’re okay with letting a suicidal 13 year old loose in the world.” She was sobbing as she was escorted out, and even the less shit nurses were like “she shouldn’t have been released”

I don’t know if she’s still alive but I sure as hell hope she is. 

I ended up getting out relatively quick because some of the doctors there made me uncomfortable (grown men, geez I wonder why) and so I always lied to them and said I was okay (do not recommend this) but I guess none of those people traded notes because even though what I told my psychiatrist there didn’t line up at all to what i told EVERYONE ELSE they still sent me away. I ended up being fine, but what if I wasn’t. What if those grown men triggered me, and the other staff, knowing about my sexual assault and other shit, decided “yeah let’s keep him in charge of her discharge. Good idea.” I’m fucking fuming. And it’s disturbing to me that those people are in charge of SO MANY kids. I know I should have told them something, but with all the notes they have that just don’t line up, it really is a miracle that they didn’t realize I was lying somewhere. Those people watched each of us like hawks, and we had therapy like 5 times a day!!! AGH. I don’t even know what to think at this point. I guess I should apologize to my father for not making my depressive spiral more dramatic for the sake of our insurance.