#YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF YOU DO
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Missed him so much today my heart was physically aching, what’s up with that btw??
#my own fault#my go to bed time fics are Merlin angst hurt no comfort major character death unrequit-#you get the gist#YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF YOU DO#Merlin#Merlin Fanart#BBC Merlin#Colin Morgan#digital art#kr_yoongi
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I…. I’m having a shit Halloween… of my own design…
#you do it to yourself you do#and thats why it really h-#whatEVER dude#might get drunk and carve a pumpkin later or something#WHATEVER DUDE whatever
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UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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I'm so tired I don't want to do homework why did I think signing up for classes was going to be fun I have 3 separate final exams in August this is basically me bringing my old nightmares to vivid life instead of just waking up in a cold sweat convinced I didn't really finish high school.
Actually I really liked taking tests back in the day. I almost miss it. Such a tangible sense of accomplishment in regular doses rather than these "projects" and "actual work" that can last years before it bears fruit.
#you do it to yourself you do#and that's why it really hurts#you do it to yourself just you#you and no one else#studying#personal
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I have had one like from a radiohead song stuck in my head all day get it out get it out get it out pleaasseeeee
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WELP. Wish me luck.
#teruyo talk#you do it to yourself you do#and that's what really hurts#(but legit since i'll pivot to ship week stuff that with luck will be a third of the word count)#(i should be able to manage this okay)#(probably)
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i need to become this song
#YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF YOU DO#AND THAT'S WHAT RLLY HURT CUZ YOU DO IT TO YOURSELF JUST YOU#YOU AND NO ONE ELSE#radiohead#Spotify
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>Join a union
>Hear people constantly complaining that the current union leadership is super corrupt, it's all just the same ten guys making all the decisions in secret and nobody else in the union ever gets to know what's going on
>Go to the monthly union meetings that are completely open to all 1200 union members
>The only attendees are the same ten guys every month, giving detailed reports about everything that's going on
#anyway this is why i'm the way i am about politics and people who advocate against 'participating in the system'#i am on my way to becoming one of the ten guys and frankly? it's fucking exhausting#i chatted with the union president afterwards and he got this haunted look in his eye#and was like 'i'm glad to see you getting involved but remember you can say no. you can always say no.#don't let anyone bully you into doing more than you want to. make time for yourself. YOU CAN SAY NO.'#which was good and much appreciated advice! but also. ominous
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in the hour or so it took me to draw this op turned reblogs off
EDIT: reblogs are STAYING OFF. op was right and correct and i have never regretted making a post as much as this one. if you want to reblog my art you can reblog something else from my blog. or commission me, lord knows i deserve financial compensation for the nightmare this post has put me through
#art#i had to block multiple people because of this post and i easily could have blocked more#do you guys have any idea how exhausting it is to hear 400 people make the exact same unfunny joke each thinking they're being original#or worry that another person might get harassed over a post i made because of the way people are talking about them#or be harassed/insulted YOURSELF because some people don't know how to fucking behave#you guys don't get reblogs back. you should be grateful i'm leaving the post up at all.
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mantra when you fuck up is "i'm in my early 20s it's literally not a big deal"
#AND ALSO ''I WILL DO BETTER NEXT TIME'' THAT IS ALSO IMPORTANT. but also it being not a big deal is important too#lest you let yourself get twisted into knots by the fucking up therefore causing you to fuck up more. ETC ETC.#talking#sketch diary
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hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???
i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)
#rambling#and idk but like if this incentivises you to do some stretches too then that's great! remember to be kind to yourself#but im mostly directing this at myself because i was thinkng about these things while doing a 15 min stretch routine and i feel silly#but silly is okay as long as i keep going#edit: haha wow this post blew up. im gonna tag it with a few things to maybe help me find it later if necessary#sisyphus#body maintenance#popular post
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14 year old artists listen to me right now (gripping you by the shoulders) STOP caring about your "internet presence" right naow. Draw slower and stop trying to boil your art down to an acceptable marketable brand
#stop trying to finish every piece in one session so you can post more often... you're hurting yourself in the long run#i know from personal experience !!! please#you also don't have to post everything you draw... don't be afraid to do studies in case they look bad#you're not obligated to post them. studies probably will look shit at first but it's fine
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STRANGULATION
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lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)
if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.
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no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.
I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.
I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.
If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.
#cw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicide#cw: self harm#cw: mental health#cw: depression#i made the balloon the main representation of my self destructive urges for a reason but im not going to explain it#i tried to keep a lot of the details in this vague#it would be my worst nightmare if this comic encouraged someone to hurt themselves#so. please dont#for a long time even the thought of making this comic felt so insipid and narcissistic#with the state of the world as it is#having the only threat to your life be yourself felt so privileged and trite and shameful#but doing this comic made me sit down and process things in full#and im just. very grateful i didn't give in to my thoughts back when i sincerely felt i'd be more useful to the world dead#i also feel the need to say that this wont represent everyone's battle with mental illness. its unfortunately different for all of us#there is no fix-all#and im afraid this might be one of those comics that either resonates a lot or misses the target by a mile#i made it for myself foremost. and now that its done im glad i did it#thank you for reading#and please stay alive#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics
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