#YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THE PERSON I AM WHEN MCR

[eky-13]

Guess who's back into his MCR obsession..... (Me!!!)

[spacelesscowboy]

been thinking a lot about an unauthorised fan treatise (or, more specifically, about parasocial relationships, celebrity worship, invasive fans, etc etc) and bandom culture.

in the sense of trying to figure out what counts as “normal” fan behavior w/o it devolving into a parasocial relationship, or where the line is between having fun & making observations vs tinhatting & rpf (a lot of pete wentz’s songs in Infinity on High are direct quotes from LJ entries that in turn suggest being interested in mikey way vs. pete wentz & mikey way were in love with each other & had a nasty gay love summer fling & pete never got over it (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!!!!!!))

like, is it not weird to post an upskirt picture of gerard way and say “i want to shove my face between her legs”? personally i see those posts and laugh, bc to me those extreme expressions of sexual desire all equate to someone just. being a really big gerard fan. they’re all hyperbole to me. but that’s me interpreting them, and might not actually be the posters intention. maybe they really do want to shove their face in her crotch. i don’t know them!

when does the line between harmless fun and extremely inappropriate invasive behavior begin?

[verlaineszz]

CAN YOU STAKE MY HEART?

༒︎ VAMP! Chuuya x GN! Sick Reader ༒︎

ANGST(?) + SLIGHT HORROR + FLUFF!

𓂃 ࣪˖ ཐིཋྀ — SUMMARY! : Ashes and Snow filled the cities of yokohama, the undeads servants rise above the ground, thirsty to sink their fangs into something, news reach you and your lover, Nakahara Chuuya.

You and Chuuya have to survive without getting bitten, trying to survive whilst recovering.

it's one hell of an apocalypse

(inspired by: "Vampires will never hurt you" — my chemical romance.)

A/N: first post!! :D, hey i haven't written in a long time and I've been into vampires, mcr and chuuya for a very long time. This is just a fic i wrote on a whim so don't take it personally since i didn't really think it through enough :<.. It's not very long since i unfortunately am going through something right now but rest assured, i am really trying my best. I'm currently trying out gothic themes

Warnings! : blood, slight g0re, death, swearing

NOT PROOFREAD!

Home is where the news came. You and chuuya got home from work and watched some tv, the news flashed photos of dead bodies with bite marks on their necks. Weird? Right? It was something serious, and bit by bit hundreds of people are already dying and sucked dry, all of the victims skins were pale and shriveled up, as if they have been under the tomb for decades. It was winter and cadavers are on the ground and caskets are in high demand.

Chuuya and you listened in carefully, worry and curiosity filling in the both of you. Chuuya stood up and decided to go cook dinner while listening to the news, it was said that it might be the work of a bat?

No bats around the area have been seen though? So what have caused it? This piqued the curiosity between you and chuuya so you and him, after dinner, decided to do more research about it.

"It must be a virus that infected those bats or something because drinking humans up dry is not normal." you theorized at the dinner table, eating with chuuya as he listens in, occasionally adding more stuff in to conclude atleast an answer that sums things up.

"I dont think so, bats ain't around our area. It could be somethin' else." chuuya adds into the conversation.

The conversation goes on, you and chuuya formulate some theories and one led to vampires, you and chuuya decided to get prepared just in case it was true.

After eating, you go wash up the plates and get ready for bed with chuuya, you took your injections that made you atleast go through the ongoing sickness that was in your heart. You were binded to a demon when you were born, it gave you an ability. Mimicry. The ability to mimic someones voice or appearance for a certain amount of time and that includes their physical attributes as long as you touch their chests but it can only be done once per person, it was an ability like asmodeous Or.. Something like that since you could take on many forms, but the demon that was binded to you was unknown since it was generational, and as time passes by, the demon slowly infects your and the people around you when you hit a certain age, but not chuuya. Since he already has a tenant in him. it infects you inevitably but you only had one suppressant, it was one that was highly expensive and only chuuya had connections to get it.

⋆｡‧₊°♱༺𓆩❦︎𓆪༻♱༉‧₊˚.

The moonlight was bright and it shined upon the both of you on the bed through the balcony, he wraps his arms around your waist and he he gently kisses your hair, he thought about the whole vampire and bat thing and he was praying for it to go away since he only had you by his side, melancholy would've hit him like a dagger through his heart if you were one of the victims, he couldn't let you be one of them.

You look at him with a small smile and he looks at you with eyes of admiration.

The night was quiet and you and chuuya held eachother through it, but agonizing screams were heard outside. Obviously this attracted both you and him, he stands up and look through the balcony, you followed behind him, analyzing what is going on around your surroundings, but nothing was there.

Weeks pass and the situation got worse, more and more people are dying and funeral parlors are getting rich, word about the deaths reach the news and everyone was freaking out in the internet, it was said that a vampire was discovered while mutilating a body, after that news spread it became an apocalypse. Vampires came out everywhere and preyed on anything during the night. Everybody wished it was morning all the time because when the sun goes down into the ground, they immerge from the darkness to suck lives out of human beings and animals.

Chuuya and you currently have been boarding up your shared house and stocking up your injections and food. Everything came to a halt that it was eerie.

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

You and chuuya held eachother every night, he'd hold you and caress your hair, whispering — "I'll never let them hurt you, i promise."

He was worried and so were you, you sit down on your bed as he holds your hand and kissing it, he really was the only one you had, this was like a nightly ritual. Every night he'd pamper you with affection.

One day, he goes out to buy more of your medicine and to stock up on the food since the last time someone had to stock up was you, he goes out during the morning and the buildings around were mostly deserted from how much people has died that it felt like a ghost town, he goes and buys food and goes over to the lab to get your injections, but the lab that he normally goes to was empty and was only left with one person that had pale skin and black hair. "Wheres the doctor?" chuuya asks. "he is currently on break, for now."— the person in the lab replied. Chuuya had a sketchy feeling but decided to ignore it and just get the injections for you and leave, he goes do testings to get you your medicine and as he was about to grab the medicine, the person lunges their fangs into neck "agh! Fuck!" chuuya curses as he tries to push the person away but the person was incredibly strong. This was the last thing he wanted to happen. He didn't want you to lose him, after a few tries he successfully pushes them away, tearing off a long piece of skin from his chest, crimson liquid drips out of his chest from the damged skin but made a run for it, he hides his neck. And just runs back home, how could a vampire be active at this time when they're nocturnal? This baffled him but he arrives home and patches himself up without you being aware of the whole Situation.

Days pass and he tries to hide it from you, slowly avoiding you but he craved for you, you noticed this and couldn't help but talk to him. You grab his shoulder and talk to him with a worried look, "Chuuya? What's going on? Why have you been avoiding me? Did i so something?" you ask

He looks at you guiltily but he finally opens up, he grabs your wrist and puts you on his lap, caressing your face and looks down on your neck, his hearts pounds and the thought of just sinking his fangs into you filled him, but he couldn't. He wouldn't. He could never let you get hurt. He holds himself together and just kiss your neck, you let out a surprised noise before Patting his head.

"im sorry." he muttered. The vampirism was already getting to him and he couldn't let you get hurt so he reveals everything to you, your eyes widens and he caresses your hand, kissing it and looking up at you.

"i need you to do something for me and it's for you to stake my heart."

"what the hell are you talking about!?" you replied, shocked and nervous

"it'll save the both of us, remember what i promised? I'll never let them hurt you, doll. " he says as he caresses your waist and looks at you.

He needed you to do it for him, he rather have your hands finish him than his own anyway.

"i can't.. Do it." you reply, he takes out a dagger and he hands it to you, "put the spike in my heart. Please." as much as he wanted to be with you, he wanted to protect you. He blamed himself for getting bitten. And he would never forgive himself.

He says with a serious tone, you couldn't. You and him argued about it that you were crying, he held you close but the lingering feeling of just drinking your sweet blood just filled him up. He holds you close and wipes your tears, his humanity was slowly slipping away due to the vampirism. "it's the sake for the both of us, cara mia." he says as he kisses your nose to your neck, you held the dagger as you decide what to do. He was your lover, you couldn't just kill him!? But this what he wanted. You thought that you shouldve been the one that got bitten.

He kisses your neck and he whispers something, "do it, please.. You have no idea what you're up against,Because I've seen what they look like, they're like ghosts in snow."

Your eyes widens but as he kisses your neck, you feel something cold touch your neck, something sharp... And that trigger your reflexes and you lunged the dagger through his heart. Your eyes widens and you shake in horror to see a dagger through his chest, he was bleeding but he smiled at you proudly and weakly his hand on your waist and his other caressing your face and wiping yours tears with his thumb.

"You know, you still look beautiful, doll."

Your eyes widens but as he says his last words, he was already gone. But you felt something dripping down your neck.. You touched your neck and see pitchfork red.

© All works by Verlaineszz Do not copy, redistribute, or repost on other platforms.

||TAGS:

[silliott]

About me!!!

My name is Elliot, I chose it when I was 12–im 15 as of this post— and it’s stuck ever since. I love the rain more than anyone else I know and I HATE summer; this is probably because I live in the desert :,)

I don’t expect anyone to read my book reviews or look at my art. On the rare occasion I post anything it’s for myself. I think it’s neat; it’s like a little public portfolio of things I can look back on.

I strive to be the best person I can possibly be. I haven’t been that way always but after I stopped fucking around on the internet all day I realized not everything’s about me; people deserve second chances and to not be judged by their past actions—or even present actions— you never know what people go thru.

I listen to music (shocker) and my taste varies a lot but I’ve been into MCR lately. I’m “learning” Dutch—it’s a long story as to why I’m learning it , but I have a 400+ day streak on Duolingo as of me posting this.

I really enjoy books, going to a college prep high school is stressful as fuck and blocking out my problems with books is the closest I can get to actually getting rid of them.

Im a nightowl who loves the morning but its soo hard to wake up after staying up until 4 am the night prior. During school I usually wake up at 5:00 and read until I’m forced to get ready by my friends who want me at school.

Im not necessarily a child prodigy when it comes to art, but my friends say I’m good at it. Art isn’t my real passion tho, neither is reading (I actually hate English) math and chemistry are my favorite subjects and I want to eventually pursue a career in one of them.

That’s pretty much it!! If you got this far: thank you so much for taking time out of your day to focus on me, same goes for if you just skipped to the end, time is relative and I still appreciate you :)

[anautumncarol]

thank you @chrxsify for tagging me!!! sorry for taking so long to do it, hope i did this correctly

1. Birthday?

30/11

2. Favorite color?

okay so i technically have 5 but they’re all a mix of each other at this point so: white, blue, purple, red and black

3. How tall are you?

168cm ish.

4. How many pair of shoes to you own?

technically i own a bunch since i never throw away the old ones but you’ll probably find me wearing my doc martens and now occasionally kickers (whenever i’m required to wear flat shoes i do have vans because they’re the comfiest shoes and try and find nice shoes in a size 42 or above in the women’s section (why are men’s shoes so boring????), vans has got you covered by sizing ridiculously big).

5. Favorite song?

I don’t really have one although i’ll have to say passion for publication by anarbor, 0325 by skz, sicilienne by fauré (not rlly a song i know), intywidfal by mcr, gold medal ribbon by ptv and a night like this by the cure constitute a solid foundation of songs?

6. Favorite movie?

i dont really watch movies but maybe a monster in paris?

7. Who would be your ideal partner?

im not sure since i’ve honestly got neither the time nor patience to even think of being in a relationship so i guess i’ll say kim seungmin because being chronically a seungmin simp is half of my personnality

8. Do you want children?

not my own, that’s for sure. maybe one day i’ll adopt but kids are tiring man

9. Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

Not officially

10. What color socks are you wearing?

none, i’m wearing slippers

11. Favorite type of music?

anything except maybe dubstep, it gives me major headaches, and reggae, i just can’t seem to enjoy it. rock is probably my favourite since it’s such a broad genre and just i do prefer more types of rock than types of pop or kpop or rap etc

12. How many pillows do you sleep with?

4 pillows and 4 other throw pillows under my feet to keep my legs elevated because bad blood circulation bb (dont ask me how i fit so much shit on a single bed, idk either)

13. What position do you sleep in?

on my side or sometimes twisted so my torso is on it’s back

14. What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

my own thoughts ngl, its so hard to fall asleep with those running through my brain

15. Have you tried archery?

i have a very peculiar relationship with archery because its a sport i’ve always wanted to do and that from the few times i’ve done it i’m actually decent at and am just realy disappointed with the fact i never got to exploit my full potential because i really do love it (same with other aiming things like i always get prices at fairs with the rifle stalls despite it being the only time i actually use them). 

16. Favorite fruit?

pineapples are the only fruits i’ll ever eat willingly

17. Are you a good liar?

decent enough to get away with a few things

18. What’s your personality type?

intp

19. Innie or outie?

innie, just for the sole excuse that i’m a hermit and that the word reminds me of jeongin

20. Left or right handed?

right handed

21. Favorite food?

i’m assuming it means food from home country and idk, maybe cordon bleu?

22. Favorite foreign food?

as much as i love mexican and ethiopian food and currywurst, nothing beats indian food (although nepali food absolutely kills as well)

23. Are you clean or messy?

messily organised. really depends with what, like my room is a mess 99% of the time but my bookshelf, mangateque, cd and album collection are always neatly organised

24. Most used phrase?

“your mum/ta mère” “fun fact” “tips and tricks” “border” “ ’tain” and a few others

25. How long does it take you to get ready?

i basically will do my “routine” as fast or slow as required depending on how much time i have. shortest i tend to do it is like 5-10 minutes and it really doesn’t need more that 45 minutes at most

26. Do you talk to yourself?

all the time. i also talk to myself in third person whilst talking to others which becomes kind of a problem when one of your best friends has the same name as you

27. Do you sing to yourself?

only when im home alone, it shuts the dogs up and is pretty fun

28. Are you a good singer?

haha, next

29. Biggest fear?

the unknown i guess?

30. Are you a gossip?

depends who i’m with

31. Long or short hair?

i don’t really care, depends what suits the person’s face in my opinion

32. Favorite school subject?

that’s a really hard question but maybe philosophy, maths, literature (although i dont have it anymore smh), physics-chemistry, drama and like history back when i didn’t have the teacher i currently do

33. Extrovert or introvert?

ambivert, really

34. What make you nervous?

phone buzzing, i absolutely fucking despise it. and then things like school and life in general although that’s more axiousness

35. Who was your first crush?

i don’t think i’ve ever really had a crush but maybe nico di angelo??

36. How many piercings do you have?

except my lobes i have a helix and a second lobe and i’ll be getting a second helix this summer

37. How many tattoos do you have?

nichts, i don’t think my commitment issues will allow me although i love tattoos

38. How fast can you run?

i am the exception to physics for i can travel 174 au per day

39. What color is your hair?

dirty blond/dirty brown

40. What colour are your eyes?

like an aggregation of colours but i guess the main ones are blue and grey and like yellow

41. What makes you angry?

anything as long as i’m tired enough

42. Do you like your name?

i have nothing against it

44. What are your strengths?

idk, maybe my ability to adapt to different situations?

45. What are your weaknesses?

maybe the fact i get riled up easily by the most random shit?

46. What’s the color of your bedspread?

i think it’s like white with dots rn

47. What’s the color of your room?

walls are white and purple but other than that it’s kinda anything goes with my room’s colours, ngl.

[anonimusunnoan]

I looked at this post and genuinely went, "Oh yeah me too" before stopping and actually thinking about it.

When I was in middle school and I first started having the really dark thoughts that are generally associated with the music of MCR; I inexplicably found myself drawn to the songs they had. I know a lot of people have actually gone up to them and thanked them for saving their lives and being there when no one else was. I also know that Gerard has pointed out that Frank has a very good response to these compliments which is to say that they didn't do it but the person themselves had the strength to save their life. However, I want to build on that and say that yes, while I do not disagree with that statement I have to say that MCR gave me the hope that I couldn't see before.

There's no forced positivity in their music. What I do find is a raw sense of a will to keep going. To keep fighting and living and being part of the world which yes, today is beating you up and throwing you down and tomorrow might be the same but hey, there's always a way. These musicians – artists – are a testament to that, having taken repeated hits but coming back, coming out, fighting! Because one day the sun shines again. One day, it won't hurt so bad. And on that day you should be there to experience all of it.

And yes it hurts and it sucks and everything feels like it's all going to shit and at moments like that they said you can scream. You can make your pain heard just say you aren't okay. Say you're worn. Every emotion in the lyrics of their songs is painfully naked and true. They aren’t just hiding behind pretty words that are in reality empty. They show us what we want to see. That we aren’t alone. That this battle is not just our own and that we have people waiting for us who will help us, even if that person is ourselves, on a better day

When Foundations came out I was definitely in a rough patch. It was a struggle to leave my bed every morning and go to work. I found a strength through the song. I was yanked into that old feeling of comfort that I used to get from songs like ‘I’m Not Okay’, or ‘Kids From Yesterday’ when I was still in school. Gerard screaming ‘Get up coward!’, or pleading, ‘You must fix your heart.’ connected with me – a now 26 year old human who was ready to give up. 

And no. I’m not healed, or fixed or ‘great’ in any way. But I am BETTER. I’m living. I got up. I am trying to fix my heart, and it probably would have been harder if not for them. These four individuals who unbeknownst to them, have changed my life, over and over again, have made me live, over and over again. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, yeah… I listen to MCR when the horrors start to become too much for me, because they help make it a little less horrible.

who knew that being stressed out could thrust you back into your MCR phase with no remorse

[separatist-apologist]

rank acotar characters by how long you could stand to be in a car with them? important factor: they decide what music is playing

Ranking ACOTAR characters based on an 8 hour roadtrip where they control the aux. Don't forget that I alone have the only right opinions in the fandom and therefore will be taking 0 feedback.

17. Beron- AM talk radio the WHOLE way with the most HEINOUS opinions a person can have. Loudly agrees and at times is arguing back with the guest through the speakers. Is he aware they can't HEAR HIM?

16. Amren- Doesn't like music. No road games, please.

15. Jurian- Dad rock. There is only so much Every Rose Has It's Thorns we can hear before its time to drive this car off a bridge. Pour exactly NO sugar on me, I am afraid of ants.

14. Gwyn- I'm SORRY, but she's giving very strong show tunes vibes. Spends the whole time singing, and yeah her voice. is beautiful but this is not American's Got Talent. This road trip is about classic jams, not showing off.

13. Nesta- Gruesome murder podcasts. Listens without flinching as the night grows darker. Thinks we should turn down that dark road as a short cut. Why is she cutting cheese with a hunting knife?

12. Tamlin- Country music, but it's like, pop-country and not country with feeling or country for murdering men. Barefoot blue jean night? Sir we're in New Jersey.

11. Eris Vanserra- Listens to The History Of Rome podcast the whole way. Jesus Christ man can we choose another point in history? NO. We will hear of these ancient battle tactics and we will be grateful. Only upside is Mike Duncan is a great story teller. Definitely asks for a sexual favor half way through, like I'm not DRIVING HELLO SIR?

10. Azriel- 2004 best of emo jams. Its a playlist he made himself, with all the classics. Become increasingly concerned when MCR's Helena comes on and he turns it up to belt with clear, obvious feeling. You okay, bro? Want to pull over for a taquito?

9. Vassa- Whatever is on the radio, like this isn't cornfield country. There is NOTHING but the sound of me mooing at the window ("cow") or the static as she flips station to station. Occasionally finds the most banger radio station filled with songs you forgot about, only for it to vanish right at the climax of a song you're both belting. Still, the spontaneity is fun

8. Rhys- NPR podcast. God it's informative and yeah it's interesting and the conversation it opens up keeps you both busy for hours so it's hard to completely complain. Spends a lot of time staring at his phone and fact-checking guests

7. Tarquin- Apple Music? I mean...I GUESS. He did his best, but his best is questionable. It's his own playlists and his taste in music if fun, if not eclectic. No one vibe- and he brought snacks.

6. Mor- Nothing but gossip. How does she know so much? Terrified to tell her about personal life, but have to admit hearing what disasters everyone else is really fills the time.

5. Emerie- PREPARED. Downloaded a mix of playlists AND podcasts, rotates them when the mood starts to flag. Never lets her finger off the phone, but also does not take requests, so stop asking. You get what you get.

4. Elain- It's pure pop and nothing else. Bouncy and upbeat, she came to have a good time with nothing in between. Outdoes Tarquin in snacks, and has a list of road games ready to go for when everyone is burned out with music.

3. Lucien- A playlist for every mood. Oh it's raining? It's sunny? Everyone is hungover and needs quiet? He's got you covered. The vibe never drags and is always appropriate, reading the room before you even know the tone has shifted.

2. Cassian- King of the excursion. Roadside America memorized, Cassian knows where every biggest wind chime, ball of yarn, and rocking chair is located. Somehow manages to keep everyone mostly on time. Stops for snacks instead of bringing his own because everyone knows the best food is at a rural gas station. Ranking jerky flavors for fun, and in between, keeps it easy with a steady jam of road trip faves.

1. Feyre Archeron- High Lady of the Road Trip herself. Turn off that podcast, turn up the music. Feet on the dash, gossip ready to GO. Can tell a story for HOURS, knows all the deets on everyone's messy lives. Planned ahead and found a hotel with a pool AND a bar. Playlist absolute perfection, based on the friends in the car.

[blooming-violets]

Only Hope || TASM One Shot

Summary: Peter’s girlfriend knows he’s making a mistake by letting her go. Neither of them want this but he’s scared. When she’s continuously ignored, she takes matters into her own hand. [from this request] (Peter x Reader)

Warnings: Reader purposely gets herself into danger with little to no regard for her life. Alcohol use and gang activity. 

A/N: I’m relieving my MCR emo high school days. I stole some lyrics from Only Hope For Me Is You and Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back to base this fic around. I used to love to write fics based off certain songs when I was in high school so this is bringing me back to 2010. Only Hope is the first half from the Readers perspective. Save Yourself is the second half from Peter’s pov. 

Tag List: @ongreenergrasses  @captaindanvxrs @liz-allyn @coolchick333 @mrshipsmcgeenon @andiforgetaboutyoulongenoughh

Only Hope For Me Is You

Remember me Remember me

“I can’t keep putting you danger,” Peter cried. 

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you tried to take in what he was saying. He was breaking up with you. You shook your head, not ready to give him up. Not like this.

“I’m okay, Peter! Look at me! They didn’t hurt me.” You held out your arms to show him you weren’t hurt. You had survived a run in with a crew of mobsters looking to get their hands on Spider-Man. Peter had jumped in to rescue you before anything got too out of control. Still, seeing you in the middle of the those dangerous men, it was enough to shake him. He was having doubts. He was scared. 

“That doesn’t matter! You could have been! If I wasn’t there...” He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and tugged at a fistful of strands. 

“But you were there,” your voice broke. “Pete. You can’t. You can’t leave me. What am I going to do without you? ”

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. 

He wasn’t leaving you because he no longer loved you. He was leaving you because he thought it would keep you safe. This wasn’t the way to do it. This wasn’t right. Both of your would just end up miserable and alone. 

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I can’t risk it.”

Where, where will we stand? When all the lights go out Across these city streets Where were you when All of the embers fell I still remember there Covered in ash Covered in glass

Months had gone by. Peter refused to answer your calls. He was purposely shutting you out. You knew him better than anyone. You knew what he was doing. He thought if he iced you out you would forget about him and move on. He was wrong. It only made you crave him more. You needed him. 

It was so sudden. 

One second he was your whole world and, the next, you were left with nothing. You’re heart couldn’t take it. It hurt too much. The days felt like they dragged by. Every hour felt doubled. Time moved so slow without Peter. What was it moving towards? There was no point if he wasn’t there. Emptiness. Quiet. Nothing. There was nothing. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you ate or slept. You knew you must have been doing those things because you were still alive. There were just no memories of it. A cloud of confusion followed you where ever you went. You had forgotten how to live without him. Pathetic. The kind of women you would had scoffed at years ago. How could one person center their whole life around another? That was absurd. Until you met Peter. Then you understood all the stories. It all made sense. One person, very well, could crawl into your veins and fill you with their life force until you fused together and were breathing as one. 

Now he was gone and you had forgotten how to breathe on your own.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Becca, your best friend, cut through your cloud of thoughts and tugged at your arm. “Come on. We’re going out. I’m going to find you a cute boy to bring home. You’re going to get over this.”

You let your head lull onto your shoulder and you sighed, “I don’t want anyone else. I only want-”

“Peter. Yes, I know. You only want Peter,” she replied. “But he dumped you. I can’t keep watching you sit here and waste away into nothing. You need to get back out there.” She stopped and snuggled up on the couch beside you. “Look, we don’t have to go find you a guy to hook up with but I do need to get you out of the house. What if we went out to a bar like we used to? We could listen to live music, get drunk, eat crappy food. It’ll be fun.”

Fun. Fun wasn’t a word that still existed in your vocabulary. 

Becca looked at you with her big, brown eyes. She was trying so hard. You didn’t want to disappoint her. You couldn't lose anyone else. 

“Okay,” you sighed. 

A smile spread across her face. She leapt off the couch. “You go take a shower! I’m going to pick out your outfit and get you looking beautiful tonight. It’ll be worth it. This is exactly what you need.”

If there's a place that I could be Then I'd be another memory Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me

“I’m not wearing this,” you said while looking down at the outfit Becca had laid out for you on the bed. 

“Why not? You’ll look hot.” She picked up a body con dress and held it up to your figure. “I think you’ll look great. After a break up you’re supposed to be super sexy to show the world what it’s missing out on.”

You shook your head, “Absolutely not. My entire ass would hang out of that thing if I put it on.”

Becca gave you a frustrated sigh and tossed the dress back on the bed, “Fine. I figured you’d bitch about it so I picked out option two.”

She pulled out a pair of skin tight, black jeans, a little top, and a heeled boot. “And I’ll even let you wear my leather jacket over it if it’ll make you feel less exposed.” 

You still weren’t pleased with the idea of the going out but, at least, this clothing option was less revealing. You reluctantly got dressed and Becca did your hair and makeup. The mirrored reflection staring back you now resembled the most well dressed, depressed person you had ever seen. 

“You look beautiful,” Becca said. She placed a quick kiss to your cheek. “We’re going to have fun. We can make fun of all the creeps eyeing us up all night like we used to. You never know, someone might even catch your eye.” 

You responded with nothing but a little grunt. You were already tired. 

And if we can't find where we belong We'll have to make it on our own Face all the pain and take it on Because the only hope for me is you, alone

“Look over there,” Becca leaned across the sticky, wooden table and whispered to you. “Those two guys have been staring at us since we walked in.”

You subtly glanced over to where she was indicating. Sure enough, two college aged men were looking in your direction. You caught one of their eyes and he gave you a smile. You didn’t return it. 

“Oh, come on,” she nudged your foot under the table. “Flirt a little! You can’t be sad forever. A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone.” 

With a few drink already in your system, you felt a shift happen inside you. An idea floated through your hazed out mind and a small smile grew on your lips. Becca was right. A little harmless flirting never hurt anyone...except when it did. 

You slipped out of your chair and sauntered over to the two men. They both straightened up when you approached. You rested your arms on their table, pushing your breasts together and leaning forward slightly to better expose your cleavage. 

You gave them each a sultry grin, “Would either of you fine, young gentlemen want to buy my friend and I another drink?”

They both scrambled at the chance. 

Before you knew it, the four of you were drinking and laughing together. Becca had picked which guy she wanted to entertain for the night so you took the other. It didn’t matter to you which one you got. All that mattered was that you had a man to flirt with. You kept feeding him more drinks, watching him get sloppier as the night went on. At some point you took out your phone to take a few pictures. You got one with the many empty glasses on your tables, one of Becca posing sexily against the wall, and one of you downing a beer. Then you leaned back against your new friend’s chest.

“Hey, let’s take a picture!” You held the phone up, drawing your arm around his neck and pulling him towards you. “Kiss my neck,” you ordered him. 

He gladly obliged. You bit your bottom lip and gave the camera a provocative look as if you were really turned on by what he was doing. Then you lifted his head to your lips. His tongue slipped into your mouth while you snapped the camera to capture a series of sloppy kisses. The second you got what you wanted, you shoved him away again, completely uninterested. 

“You’re a really weird one,” he slurred his words at you. 

You ignored him and reviewed the pictures. They would be the perfect bait. You posted them to your Instagram stories. You knew Peter would see them. Even if he was avoiding you, you knew how he was. He’d be keeping tabs on you. Maybe it was the alcohol flooding your brain but your new plan was forming and taking shape. Tonight, you would finally see Peter again. You would do whatever it took. 

How it should you be Many years after the disasters that we've seen What we have learned Other than people burn in purifying flame

It was easier to escape Becca’s watchful eye than you anticipated. All you had to do was beg her to let you go back home with this drunk man. You didn’t even remember the name he told you. The poor girl thought you were getting over Peter. She thought you were healing by allowing yourself to have a one night stand. She gave you her blessing, made you promise to text her his address when you arrived, and keep her in the loop if you needed anything. You gave her an empty promise and a hug goodbye. You wouldn’t be making it back to his place, you just needed to leave Becca behind. 

The chill of the night air surrounded you the second you walked outside. Your mind felt foggy and you were a little unstable on your feet. It was becoming apparent that you had drank a little more than you intended. You clung onto the man’s arm in an attempt to better steady yourself. 

“What was your name again?” You asked him. 

“Gary,” he responded. 

You snorted and scrunched up your nose in disgust, “Like Spongebob’s pet snail?”

He blinked in confusion, “What?”

You glanced up at him. The guy was more faded than you were. The poor thing. You were going to take advantage of his intoxication to sneak away when the time came. 

You were about ten blocks away from the bar when the wind blew in your direction. A familiar smell hit your nose and your skin tingled with excitement.

It was the faint, but distinct, smell of Peter’s cologne. 

You’d recognize that smell anywhere. Your eyes darted around for the source of it. There weren’t many other people of the streets. It had to of been him. He was here. He was watching you. You could feel it. You knew posting those picture would lure him out. He’d want to make sure you were safe. He was always so protective over you when you were drunk. Your plan was working. It was time to ditch Gary. He had served his purpose of helping bring Peter to you. Now he had to go.

You stopped walking and leaned over to Gary, “Listen, buddy. It’s been lovely but I have to go.” 

He paused and looked at you in confusion, “I thought we were going to go back to my place?” 

You gently patted his shoulder and gave him a sad smile, “I’m sorry, bud. Not this time. I just can’t bring myself to let a man named Gary touch me. It’s not your fault. It’s your parents for naming you that.” 

He sputtered out a response but you were already walking away, leaving him behind, for you to continue on your plan. 

Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me

You quickly walked deeper into the city. There was a place Peter had told you about. He had warned you never to go there. It was heavy with gang activity and criminals. Recently on the news, you had heard about a group of men who were making a game out of their crimes. They would stalk their victims and film their mugging. They'd beat the people half unconscious, steal everything on them, then leave them for dead. Men, women, old, or young they didn't care. It was all a game to them. You had been unfortunate enough to view some their graphic footage that played on the evening news. Most of it was blurred out but you got the idea. These were not people you wanted to mess with but were exactly the kind that you needed. 

Your heart sped up as you crossed the line into the bad part of town. Even the air felt different here. It felt thick and dirty in your lungs. Broken street lamps lined the cracked sidewalks, providing no extra light in the darkness. This was a stupid idea. You were officially insane. What if you had just imagined Peter’s cologne? What if it was another man wearing it? He might not even be following you. You very well could be all alone. You stopped and paused on the broken down side walk. Your eyes scanned the buildings around you. There was no sign of Peter that you could see. This was a bad idea. You were drunk and stupid and needed to turn around right now before you really ran into trouble. 

“Where you going, pretty lady?” A deep voice called out from across the street. “That looks like a nice purse you got there. Mind if we take a look at what’s inside?” 

Your heart sank. A group of large men appeared out of the alley behind him. You kept your head down and tried to walk as quickly as possible back to where you came from. You were too far away. You had gone too far. You should have stayed with Becca. Peter wasn’t here. He never was. He left you. He broke up with you. Whatever trouble you were about to get into would be entirely your fault. 

Their footsteps started getting louder behind you. They were beginning to run to catch up with you. You had to protect yourself. You had to get out. You started running. 

Your heart was pounding in your ears as you ran through the dark city streets. Your legs pumped harder under you to keep you moving forward. You could still hear the group of men behind you. They were right on your heels. You dove into an alley as a weak attempt to lose them. 

Only there was a chain link fence with barbed wire curled on top blocking the way through. 

Your stomach turned. This was it. You were trapped.

The men surrounded you with sneering smiles. One of them held a camera. They had to be the one’s you had heard about on the news. You prayed that Peter was following you. He was the last hope you had left. 

“Stay away from me,” you tried to make your voice sound strong. It only came out weak and shaky with fear. “You’ll regret this. I know Spider-Man. He won’t let you get away.”

The group laughed at your useless threats. Spider-Man had chosen not to love you anymore. He chose to leave you. Your threats were empty and they saw right through them. 

"Aw, she knows Spider-Man. That's so cute," the one with the camera taunted you. “Where is he then? Huh? Where’s that Spider-Man hiding? Spidey, come out and play!” He called up to the black night sky. When nothing happened he leaned down and held the camera close to your face. "Looks like he’s not around. Smile for the camera, baby. We like to get a good before and after shot to see how broken we can make that pretty face. This one will be fun. An added twist to the plot. Alright, guys, let's see how pissed off we can make good, old Spidey tonight.”

Their circle tightened closer around you. You closed your eyes and flinched away, bracing yourself for what would come next.

A thud landed directly in front of you. Your eyes peaked open to see Peter in full costume standing up slowly in front of you, his body was tense and blocking your from their view, his masked face stared menacingly at the men. Some of them gasped in shock and took a step back. 

“What’s the matter?” Peter growled at them. “I thought you wanted to play.”

The only hope for me The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you The only hope for me is you

Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

I hope you're ready for a firefight 'Cause the devil's got your number tonight We're never leavin' this place alive But if you sing these words, we'll never die

Every single one of Peter’s senses was on high alert as he stood in front of her. Rage was coursing through and burning up his veins. There were eight of them and one of him. He carefully eyed up each man, studying their faces and searching them for any apparent weakness. Some shot nervous looks to the man holding the camera to see how he would react. He must be the leader.

Peter positioned himself right in front of the camera and tapped on the lens. He could see his masked reflection staring back at him. “A Canon DSLR. What’s a guy like you doing with a camera like this? What kind of things were planning on filming with it? I’m sure this little beauty isn’t full of incriminating evidence against you.” 

The man tried to pull the camera away but Peter snatched it out of his hand before he could. He flung it up against the wall and webbed it high in place, “I think I’ll be saving that for later. I’m sure the police would love to see your artistic vision.” 

Losing the camera was enough to set them off. Two men attempted to jump onto him. Peter easily side stepped them both and sent a flurry of rapid webs after them to incapacitate them. He watched a man in the back of the group back away slowly then turn to run into the street. Peter let him go. The low level guys weren’t his priority. It was the muscle and the leader that he wanted. 

He could still feel her behind him. He was torn between swinging her out of there and potentially loosing the thugs, or dealing with them and potentially having her be in harms way. As long as she was tucked safety behind him at all times then he might be able to do both. He could do this. He could save her and stop them. 

Get off the ledge and drop the knife Not a victim of a victim's life Because this ain't a room full of suicides We're believers, I believe tonight

Peter knew exactly why she had done what she did. It was his fault. She was only in this mess because he refused to see her. He had been hiding from her, hoping that she would move on, but he should have known better. They lived for each other. She was his other half. A part of his soul. Two people tied together. He couldn’t sever that bond no matter how hard he tried. 

He just wanted to protect her. In the end, he only put her deeper into the fight. 

Every night he would secretly visit her window. Sometimes he’d be greeted to the soft sounds of her labored breathing while she slept. Other times, he’d be forced to listen to her quiet sobs. The sound of her cries would drive a knife through his heart every time knowing that he was the one who caused her pain. 

He desperately wanted to jump through her window and take it all back. He wanted to steal her away. Make her his again. Pretend like he never blew up their lives. Only he could be the one to fix them.

Now, as he felt her behind him, he longed to pull her into his arms once more. He could still have her. She still wanted him. That’s why she was here. For him. 

Peter wasn’t going to let her down again. 

We can leave this world, leave it all behind We can steal this car if your folks don't mind We can live forever If you've got the time

If it was a fist fight between the group of guys and Peter, he knew he would easily win. He had already whittled them down to four men. One had ran away and the other’s were pinned either to a wall or the ground. For a moment, he thought he might be able to end this quickly. He was getting the upper hand. 

One of them ran at him with a knife drawn. Peter ducked under his arm and rolled out of the way. The second he was back on his feet, he had webbed the guy’s arm and tugged him back. Peter jumped on him, tossing away the knife, and attacked his face with his gloved fists. He pounded out all his anger and months of build up frustration against his face and felt the bones of his skull crack under the weight of the blows. He was so preoccupied with hurting the man that he failed to notice the leader of the group easily step past him towards her. 

It wasn’t until he heard the distinct click of a gun being cocked that his attention returned to what was really important. 

“Peter,” he heard her whisper. 

His head whipped around and he stood up. 

The large man had the love of his life wrapped up in his thick arms. A handgun was pointed directly into the side of her head. Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and her lip quivered as she looked at him with pleading eyes. 

“What’s the matter, Spidey?” He sneered. “You thought you were going to win this fight?”

The two remaining men grabbed onto each of his arms to hold him in place. 

I'll tell you all how the story ends Where the good guys die and the bad guys win This ain't about all the friends you made But the graffiti they write on your grave

Peter knew he could shake off the men holding him in a matter of seconds but he remained passive to please the leader. 

“Let her go,” he spoke with authority to hide his panic. “You don’t need her. I’ll give you back your camera and you can go. I won’t go to the police. I won’t come after you. Just let me take her home.”

The leader laughed, “At this point, you’ve both seen too much. I don’t make bargains with vigilantes.” His finger moved towards the trigger. 

Peter’s senses slowed everything down. He saw it coming before it even happened. His hands flipped over to grab hold of the two men holding him back. He lifted each of them in the air and slammed them down onto the concrete, cracking it with the force at which their bodies were thrown into it. Then he fired off a web right at the leaders hand, catching it around his wrist, and pulling it away from her head, straight towards himself instead just as the gun went off. 

He saw the bullet fly towards him. He knew if he didn’t move it would hit him directly in the chest. His reflexes worked quickly to spin his body out of the way. He felt the fiery heat graze across his chest, ripping open his suit, as it skimmed over the surface of his skin just as he turned sideways to avoid the direct hit. There wasn’t any time to think about how close to death he came. 

Peter threw himself through the air, launching at the leader, and grabbing the gun from his hand. He spun it around, cracking the handle against the top of his head, knocking him out cold. Then he held the gun pointed at his unconscious body while he stood over him. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths. He wanted to pull the trigger. He wanted to end this miserable man’s life. 

A gentle hand reached out and carefully lowered the gun. He’d know that touch anywhere. He could identify it with his eyes closed. It was the one had been craving for the past few months. A shiver ran through him as her hand rested on his forearm. 

“Don’t,” she whispered to him. “That’s not who you are.” 

I'm the only friend that makes you cry You're a heart attack in black hair dye So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight

“Don’t you know how stupid that was!” Peter paced angrily around his apartment. She sat perched on the edge of his bed with tears in her eyes. “You could have died! What if I wasn’t there? What would you have done?” He was sounding an awful like his original argument that caused him to leave her. It was like nothing had changed at all. He hadn’t changed a thing to keep her safe. She could still find danger whether or not he was with her. What was the point of keeping his distance if the results were always the same? 

Her voice sounded so small when she spoke, “Then I would have died.”

“Exactly. You would have died,” he gave an exasperated breath as he stared at her. Then it dawned on him on the way she had said it. She didn’t say in a regretful way. She said it with finality like she would have been perfectly fine with death had he not shown up. 

He could feel his heart breaking again. 

This was because of him. He had caused this. His shoulders sagged in defeat. They couldn’t keep doing this. This wasn’t healthy for either of them. Peter gingerly sat on the bed next to her. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. For leaving you. For ignoring you. You didn’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

He heard her swallow. She turned her body to face him. He did the same. She looked so tired. So sad. 

“I don’t want you to be sorry, Peter. I want you to love me again. I want you to be with me. I want to stay here. With you. Forever.” 

Peter leaned his forehead against her. He breathed her in, filling his body with her familiar scent. He took a shaky breath, “I never stopped loving you.”

You're the broken glass in the mornin' light Be a burnin' star if it takes all night So just save yourself and I'll hold them back tonight

[highendphasers]

i am not the person that i was from the beginning of this tour. i'm in the same skin scarred three times over and i'm wearing the same clothes but something is fundamentally different. i am not the person that i was from the beginning of this tour. its like i've been flayed and stuffed with being held and being guided and hope and love and love and love and love where it's not supposed to fit. gerard way wore a skirt for the first time in public in nashville tennessee and danced in their euphoria and made me cry because their happiness proved that there was a way out. gerard way cried onstage and let the audience hold their hand and gerard way smiled like they meant it, at each other, at the world they survived in. i've been stitched up and told to get up get up get up get up out of bed out of where i left myself to rot and when i stayed in bed it wasn't to wait for a coincidental slip it was look at them all and look at them grow and look at them heal in real time and letting us all see it. it was gaining friendships and letting myself breathe with dozens of others in tandem with what we all saw and the wound we were all seeing heal. i have a heart with four valves and i need others to keep it pumping. i need something to keep myself alive. all of this and everyone have given me reasons, i've been keeping myself alive in this band and in here. i truly honestly believe mcr is written into the stars and written into fate. someone asks what it feels like and i tell them that not everything feels like something else and if i could explain the pain in my chest and in my throat like a compass pointing north and shifting in an axis and spitting out the blood and being led back home then i would let everyone know in a little secret because each show is an exchange of secrets and happiness and past sorrows that were all given hands so that we could all hold them together. i'm not ready for the tour to be over and i love you all so much

[sroloc--elbisivni]

SOME PEOPLE LIKED THIS POST AND I AM EASILY ENCOURAGED SO ANNOTATING A FIC PLAYLIST INTO THE VOID IT IS

this is for casey jones ii, my playlist for Casey Jones the guy from the Rise of the TMNT movie. making this playlist is the thing that kicked off me writing tried to grow up good six months ago. i recently reordered it so the songs i took chapter titles from are the first eight songs on it, in order. there's 33 songs on here so i'm just going to do those 8 + a few honorable mentions. here we go.

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark - Fall Out Boy

I've got the scars from tomorrow and I wish you could see That you're the antidote to everything except for me Through a constellation of tears on your lashes Burn everything you love then burn the ashes In the end everything collides, my childhood Spat back out the monster that you see

title pull for chapter 1 was "scars from tomorrow." this is one of two diagetic songs in this fic, it's the one I was thinking of when writing about Casey listening to music on the bus. it's the scene-setting song, the one that positions where Casey is at the beginning of the fic, especially the second verse.

"you're the antidote to everything except for me" is casey's attitude towards the family. they fixed everything, they saved the world, but he's been chewed up and spat out by his childhood and they can't fix him. angry hurting kid. big song for big feelings.

The Boxer - Mumford and Sons

And I'm laying out my winter clothes and wishing I was gone, Goin' home Where the New York City winters aren't bleeding me, Leading me Going home In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of every glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out in his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving", but the fighter still remains

title pull for chapter 2 was "the New York City winters aren't bleeding me." It was almost hard to pick a song for this chapter--I skimmed through what I had already been collecting re: songs with Casey Jones feelings, and then I tripped over this while explaining to friends and went. oh. of course. a poor boy with his story seldom told. the world laid him down and cut him but he's still here. and also new york and this present makes the past hurt like an open wound sometimes. least or most metaphorical song, depending how you look at it. "Why Mumford and Sons specifically" angst and banjo.

Thank You For the Venom - My Chemical Romance

So give me all your poison, and give me all your pills And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill You're running after something that you'll never kill If this is what you want, then fire at will Preach all you want, but who's gonna save me? I keep a gun on the book you gave me

title pull for chapter 3 was "preach all you want, but who's gonna save me?" i really wanted an angry song for this chapter because it's the peak of casey's 'no one understands me' anguish. and like, you can joke about MCR and emo teens but like! sometimes you are miserable and need big loud music about big loud emotions! the title grab was really getting at--the first part of this fic is about a character in a new situation not connecting. the chastising after his arrest doesn't feel like connection, it feels like someone talking over his head. good song for a confrontation laced with despair.

Planetary - Stacked like Pancakes

Everywhere I go I see the person I'm supposed to be My memories unkempt, they're floating on the water beside me I'm just another entity, like chords without a melody I can never rest, My dreams and my thoughts are confiding Oh, I can feel it cross my skin, oh, oh Like a bow on a violin, oh, oh We are planetary, ordinary, temporary, And we can't control our lives without a soul We were never ready, never ready This is how our story goes

title pull for chapter 4 was "planetary, ordinary, temporary" literally the first song that went on my Casey Jones playlist. i don't know what I can say that isn't just gesturing at this first verse. the phrase worked really well for a chapter where the punchline was unlocking gravity powers, and also the song as a whole speaks to this struggle of disconnect that hasn't gone away.

Up the Wolves - The Mountain Goats

There's gonna come a day when you feel better You'll rise up free and easy on that day And float from branch to branch Lighter than the air Just when that day is coming, who can say? Who can say? Our mother has been absent ever since we founded Rome But there's going to be a party when the wolf comes home

title pull for chapter 5 was "when the wolf comes home." chapter 5 was hard to title, I kept going back and forth, and I went to storm sewer server for help and dropped this and Burning In Carolina and Space reminded me that I made the Caseys wolves in spookyfic. and. that was a compelling argument. it's my favorite mountain goats song, for one, and it also captures an element of Casey going back to the past that's--it's revenge, and it's fixing things, and it's the point when you don't care anymore, and it's about mothers and homes and the things that you chase. it's the other diagetic song, the one mentioned when Casey's got himself locked in his room and blasting music to try and outrun his feelings.

Burning in Carolina - Delta Rae

You wanted to go home To the friends you know And the haunts that you call your own But you choose 'Cause you can't take it all You get a torch and a flame and burn the path you want

title pull for chapter 6 was "get a torch and a flame and burn the path you want." i fucking love this song. it's about the driving forward and the chorus that's a repeating question and trying to go home when home is gone. it's about failing and rising again, taking your destiny by the scruff and just going forward.

Coward's Son - The Ballroom Thieves

Fall like feathers, rest like stones I adore you none For I am not some kingless throne I am not a coward's son ... I will claim my history And I will lose my battles not And I'll take what is meant for me Cherished right beneath each wild onslaught I will live with what I've got

title pull for chapter 7 was "i will claim my history and i will lose my battles not." I listened to this song on loop to brainstorm and write the ghosts reunion scene and i could play out in my head the reunion meetings line-by-line in the last stanza. "i will claim my history"=cass and raph, "and i will lose my battles not"=donatello, "and i'll take what is meant for me"=michelangelo spinning him through the air, "cherished right beneath each wild onslaught"=Commander O'Neil, "i will live with what I've got"=Master Leonardo, and rest.

Brighter - Patent Pending

Take a breath, tell the world that we're not finished yet Cast a net to the stars and see if we can get Closer to the light at the end Maybe I'm crazy Yeah, a little naive But the light at the end is brighter than it used to be Got a long way to go But I know, I believe That the light at the end is brighter than it used to be

title pull for chapter 8, the epilogue, was "cast a net to the stars and see." I never intended for this chapter to be separate in the first place but 7 got so goddamn long and ended in a place that really needed room to breathe. So here we are! the thing about this song is that it's optimism of the 'i am smiling through a bloody nose' variety. this is 'better things are coming and that is a threat.' this is coming back up after hitting the bottom. it was also hard to pull a long from because the refrain feels too on the nose for me to want to use it as a title. but! optimism!

Bonuses:

Bulletproof Heart - My Chemical Romance

Gravity don't mean too much to me I'm who I've got to be These pigs are after me, after you Run away like it was yesterday And we could run away If we could run away Run away from here

this song is not the Only reason i decided Casey's ninpo would manifest as gravity control but it sure is A Reason! this song is also on my still-growing multiversal Casey Jones playlist. what can i tell you. it fucks. it's a fighting song and a running song and a song about the world getting to you and fighting that every step of the way. if I put this to a scene in the fic it WOULD be the training montage, with the culminating chorus where he falls flying down out of the sky.

One Foot - Walk The Moon

Cross my heart And hope to die Taking this one step at a time I got your back if you got mine One foot in front of the other All that we have is each other One foot in front of the other

okay listen literally the Only reason this wasn't the title pull for chapter 6 is because i love Burning In Carolina so goddamn much, and I Needed it to be one of the chapter titles. this in my head is the soundtrack for Casey Jones and Casey Jones, and especially for their roadtrip upstate, the two of them learning how to lean on each other. i think about "if you broke this one in half you'd find a burning flame" from the idw comics a normal amount (<lying). quintessential casey jones trait, to me, any continuity, is a character that keeps fucking going. one foot in front of the other, over and over and over. @kithnkin has proposed a mental image of this song as the end credits of the fic with a series of flash-forward photographs of continuing to adjust and happy moments, and. Yeah. Yeah.

Burn It Down - Vixy & Tony

Burn it down, burn it down, burn it down Throw your fear upon the fire and burn it down Throw your stars into the sky Let the darkness hear your cry Teach the cinders how to fly Burn it down Voices whisper, "never" Fear the fire will turn to ash And they would hold you back forever To protect you from the pain

This is a bit of an obscure pull but listening to it is just. the vision. you gotta understand my vision. Casey Jones going forward into the past by casting off the future. the painful willingness to yank the key and trap Leo in the prison dimension to achieve victory. this is a guy burning his way forward. (also one of those songs where i was listening to it and just. consumed with thoughts about My Guy. Specifics hard.) if i connected this to something in the fic it'd be the scene where he says 'fuck it' and goes to meet Casey at her apartment.

That's Okay - The Hush Sound

this is the last one and I'm telling you that because it will be long. because okay i GOTTA outline this one verse by verse because. it is a both Caseys Jones song. it is the two of them together. it does not link to a scene in the fic but i listened to it on my subway ride to work and got overwhelmed. look.

You were the child Who was made out of glass Who carried a black heart Passed down from your dad If somebody loved you, they'd tell you by now We all turn away when you're down cassandra in the foot clan, bitter and angry. ‘if somebody loved you they’d tell you by now’ is specifically her looking up at the shredder, fear in her eyes

You want to go back to where you felt safe To hear your brother's laughter, see your mother's face Your childhood home is just powder white bone And you'll never find your way back casey coming back to the past. ‘and you’ll never find your way back’ specifically him being thrown through the portal, and the shot of it fading

first chorus: the two of them separate, contrasting parallel shots

You are broken and callow, cautious and safe You are boundless in beauty with fright in your face Until someone loves you, I'll keep you safe But like then I will give you away older casey holding her baby while he sleeps. picture it with me.

last chorus. two caseys meeting. circling each other like cats. trading careful looks. eventually, sitting down side by side to watch the sunrise.

i want to talk about fic playlists. is anyone around who would want to hear me talk about fic playlists or should i just annotate one into the void myself.

[bortbytingen]

Last night I talked to a friend about MCR and was asked which song is my favourite. I replied "Mama". To make a long story short, it apparently seem like a lot of transmasc people have that song as their favourite MCR song and we both thought that to be interesting.

As I was about to go to bed, I had an aha-moment in which I realised part of why I like the song and I'm not going to break it down and maybe it's similar reasons that other transmasc people have that song as their favourite too?

Oh and fyi, when I began listening to this song, I didn't even know what transgender was yet.

Edit: This is my personal interpretation.

In case it wasn't obvious, this post will be about the lyrics and why I connect to it/how I interpret it. And I won't write out every thought about the lyrics, but mainly those concerning my transmasc identity.

Mama, we all go to hell I'm writing this letter and wishing you well

Writing a letter to your mother, telling all those things you can't get out in words. Explaining how you feel. That you're not the girl she thinks you are. You're doing this even though you know it will hurt your mum (and you'll therefore go to hell, which for me means a metaphorical hell as in feeling guilt knowing I have hurt my mum even if it also was something that was necessary). With the well wishes at the end, this seems to be a kind of farewell letter, so the person readies himself to break the contact with his mum if needed. This can also be seen as a suicide note with the person being unable to handle pretending to be someone they're not anymore.

Stop asking me questions, I hate to see you cry Mama, we're all gonna die

Similar as for above. The mother asks questions with answers she won't like (like "why are you like this?", "can't you behave more like a girl?" etc). Questions to things that doesn't really matter in the long run since we're all going to die. Once again, if above letter is viewed as a suicide note, this might also be seen as a kind of "we're all going to die, so it doesn't matter if I die now or later, later will just mean more pain".

And when we go don't blame us

The mum is the one pushing away their son, so the only one to blame is the mother/society and not the son. This go whether it's just leaving the house/area or life.

Mama, we're all full of lies

Lies about pretending to be someone else. Lies about things not hurting us. Lies about loving you the way you are (and then later clearly showing that's not the case).

You should have raised a baby girl I should've been a better son

The part that hit young me the hardest. The mother should've raised a girl because I'm not a girl, I'm a boy. I'm your son. And something I could've been better at. Being better as in trying to not act like the girl expected of me, but instead embrace the boy I know I am and do the very best with that.

If you could coddle the infection They can amputate at once

Maybe if you had coddled "the girl", you could have stopped those "boyish tendencies" and removed the transgender parts before they spread to everything.

She said, "You ain't no son of mine!" For what you've done they're Gonna find a place for you And just you mind your manners when you go.

"You're not my son, you're my daughter." The thing the person has done is being trans and the mum is sending him away. Maybe for psychiatric treatment or conversion therapy or similar since the mother views the transmasc part as being an illness. While there he has to mind his manners and act like a girl or he won't leave.

And if you would call me a sweetheart I'd maybe then sing you a song

If you act and talk like the mother wants, she'll treat you nicely.

We're damned after all Through fortune and flame we fall And if you can stay then I'll show you the way To return from the ashes you call

The world still aren't made for us. If we choose to embrace our transmasc identity, we're damned by society. If we decide to try and live as girls, we're damned by ourselves. But if you can hold on and be yourself, there will be others to help you through the fire of coming out and living as a boy/man.

We all carry on When our brothers in arms are gone So raise your glass high for tomorrow we die

No matter what, we all try to carry on, but eventually we'll die, some earlier than others and some by others or own hand. They, other transmasc people, are still our brothers in arms though, even if we never meet them and we should celebrate and remember both them and ourselves since we never know when death will come.

There we are, some of my trans related thoughts around the song. Sorry for jumping between poc. Maybe my thoughts are similar to other transmasc people. Maybe they're not. No matter what, this seems to be a song loved by many transmasc individual, so there has to be something that make it so appealing to us, even if it's nothing like my own reasons.

[awsugar]

okay tbh confession time... no, I do not think there will be new music. however. I do Fear... that IF there were new music....what if it fucking sucks, Mack?? what if it sucks? cause like okay here's my thing. til the reunion. I had fully 100% accepted they were over and had zero expectations at all of a reunion and was like okay with that and accepted it. and I'd even talked about this before that I was sort of even glad they did end it when they did. cause their Legacy stayed intact if that makes sense? they stopped before they put out a shit album or a bad video or something like that. even if DD didn't do as good as TBP like commercially or whatever they went out when they were still on the top of the world and they remained that way. and that's smth I really appreciated ngl? it's like when a TV show goes past when it should have fucking ended and it ruins it's reputation and taints it's whole legacy. (I know I'm being way too deep here with all this "legacy" shit it's literally 4 nerds in a band) and I am Just Scared that If there's new music .. what if it sucks... ? or like, not even "sucks" but what if it just doesn't Live Up to their rest of their reputation?? even still today people see DD as not being as good as the others. (I like DD (and CW) this is not slander) but what if they peaked during TBP. and everything else will just go down hill. like listen I fucking LOVE Frank's solo work and I love Hesitant Alien and I love what little Ray and Mikey have put out. but it's not MCR. it's not MCR's legacy. and what if they can't live up to that now? and not just them but I worry that what if we, the fans, have such high expectations (bc cmon those 4 albums are like the best shit in the fucking world. they're untouchable dude.) that no matter what they did it wouldn't live up to what We expect even if it were great yknow??? what if it feels forced? what if they try to make something people expect and it feels inauthentic? what if they go in such a drastically different direction it loses all MCR-ness? (with the exception of black metal. I'd love an MCR black metal album. not joking.) even speaking personally I don't even know if I would want them to sound the same or different. idek in a perfect world where, theoretically they did make new music and theoretically it did live up to if not exceed all expectations, what that would even begin to sound like or look like. idk. if anybody can be as good as MCR, it's MCR. I just stress over the what if. they're the most dangerous band in the world, Mack. I just want them to stay that way.

i feel like i don't have much to add that you didn't say cause you said it all. i also don't think there will be music but i have the exact same fears. their current discography IS a legacy!!! its a perfect trajectory it tells a story there is a clear beginning middle and end. i was absolutely NOT ready for the breakup when it happened. but like in recent years, ive realized that danger days is like. the obvious completion of their story as a band and the evolution of their sound. the TRAJECTORY i talk about the trajectory all the time lmao. like it all just makes sense as one complete package and really doesn't feel incomplete to me.

i worry like if they just try to make a rock album, will it be disappointing? like what if it doesn't live up to the standards of an mcr album which is generall more than JUST an album. or like if they try to stay true to themselves which is to reinvent themselves, like i always felt like if they tried to level up from where they ended with danger days, would it even be recognizably mcr anymore?? like i love danger days like you said but it is my least favorite and it did like push the boundaries of what i expected for them. i have always feared that like evolving past dd would be a step too far.

anyway yea like. i am a huge new music skeptic. don't think it will happen. im perfectly content without it. if they DID drop something of course i would lose my shit. but the fear is there 100%. like what if its been too long and the version of mcr in 2022 isn't something i like??? that would be devastating.

[kuruptfm1089]

1: Name: Delia

2: Age: 23

3: 3 Fears: murder rape kidnapping dying a disappointment

4: 3 things I love: Jimmy, Astrid, my job

5: 4 turns on: dominance, tattoos, confidence, humour

6: 4 turns off: narcissism, entitlement, stealing, general nastiness

7: My best friend: Hannah and Jim

8: Sexual orientation: bisexual

9: My best first date: into the spiderverse i think

10: How tall am I? 174cm, i have not grown

11: What do I miss? Jimmy

12: What time was I born? 6pm i think

13: Favourite colour? Green 14: Do I have a crush: on Jimmy, yes

15: Favourite quote: ??

16: Favourite place: Paris

17: Favourite food: chicken of most sorts

18: Do I use sarcasm: yep

19: What am I listening to right now? the keyboard clacking as i type

20: First thing I notice in a new person: how they act around others

21: Shoe size: womens 11, mens 9

22: Eye colour: green / hazel

23: Hair colour: brown

24: Favourite style of clothing: baggy pant air max

25: Ever done a prank call? probably

27: Meaning behind my URL: fav tv show reference

28: Favourite movie: ah. la haine?

29: Favourite song: atm - which way to go by eddy current. all time - eye know by de la soul

30: Favourite band: eddy current, the clash, my chemical romance, de la soul, tribe called quest

31: How I feel right now: tired

32: Someone I love: Seb

33: My current relationship status: committed

34: My relationship with my parents: flawed ( still true ) but better

35: Favourite holiday: christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing if have: 20 tats..., . earlobes x 3 and nostril

37: Tattoos and piercing if want: (this was literally hysterical to read back on i have 20 and counting that are not small almost all trad and my first was a massive fuck off flower)

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: i don’t remember

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? look.,, it's likely

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? every day :)

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? noooo it is my boss

42: When did I last hold hands? saturday mornin

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 45-60mins

44: Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? not even in the last three weeks lol

45: Where am I right now? in bed

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? literally any of my mates

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? looooud

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? both

49: Am I excited for anything? mcr, dani's wedding, jim's art exhibition, yes

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? yes, seb and jim

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? every day babey retail life

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? todaaay

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I'd stab him to death and then slit my throat

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? nope

55: What is something I disliked about today? being paranoid as fuck

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? fuck. tough one. frank iero?

57: What do I think about most? jim

58: What’s my strangest talent? none

59: Do I have any strange phobias? probably? idk

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

61: What was the last lie I told? no discounts sorry karen

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? phone

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? sure? and probably idk

64: Do I believe in magic? a lil bit

65: Do I believe in luck? yes

66: What’s the weather like right now? unpredictable

67: What was the last book I’ve read? Kings Way

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yummy

69: Do I have any nicknames? Del, Deals, Deli, Delibird, Bobby

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? A concussion (ye)

71: Do I spend money or save it? spend lol.......

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? With a tongue? Probably. With my tongue? No(good answer past me)

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? my vtg blank hoodie >:)

74: Favourite animal? kangaroo,

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? tossing and turning

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? idk

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? shake it metro station

78: How can you win my heart? easy. have tattoo. be cool. chuck me on piece.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? idk lol. bit morbid

80: What is my favourite word? hmmmmm dunno

81: My top 5 blogs on Tumblr? none

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? be fucking nice to each other cunt

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? no :/

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? maybe invisibilty. telekinesis still cool tho

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i'm not sure i'm a pretty open book

86: What is my current desktop picture? apple_default

87: Had sex? yes

88: Bought condoms? yes

89: Gotten pregnant? nope good riddance

90: Failed a class? yep

91: Kissed a boy? yep

92: Kissed a girl? yes

92.1: Kissed a non binary person? yep

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yep

94: Had job? yep, x5

95: Left the house without my wallet? yep

96: Bullied someone on the internet? yes lol tiktok moment

97: Had sex in public? nah

98: Played on a sports team? yes

99: Smoked weed? .....yes

100: Did drugs? yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? .yes

102: Drank alcohol? yep

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope

104: Been overweight? nope

105: Been underweight? yep

106: Been to a wedding? yeas as baby but bridemaid next week

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? yes many a time

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably hahahah

109: Been outside my home country? yep

110: Gotten my heart broken? yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? yes

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yes

114: Been to prom? technically yes but not to american standards

115: Been in airplane? yes

116: Fly by helicopter? nope. never ever ever. death trap

117: What concerts have I been to? Ed Sheeran, The Kooks, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, One Direction *don’t even*, Arctic Monkeys, Mac Demarco, San Cisco, The Cure, King Gizz, Tame Impala, Twenty One pilots, King Krule x 2, Digable Planets, Wiki, The Strokes

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? yes

119: Learned another language? oui

120: Wore make up? yes every day

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? yes! 17

122: Had oral sex? yes

123: Dyed my hair? yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? na fuk tha president

125: Rode in an ambulance? yes

126: Had a surgery? yes x3?

127: Met someone famous? yeeee a couple times but best one Guy Pearce

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yes.

129: Peed outside? yep

130: Been fishing? uep

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? yes

133: Broken a mirror? no

134: What do I want for my birthday? a house

1-134 x

1: Name: Delia

2: Age: 15

3: 3 Fears: the dark, clowns, loneliness

4: 3 things I love: cats, Vaughan, my bed

5: 4 turns on: dominance in general??/, nice hands, that’s all if can think of

6: 4 turns off: ignorant people?

7: My best friend: Vaughan

8: Sexual orientation: pansexual

9: My best first date: i’ve only had the one and we walked to the yarra river and sat down and he put his head in my lap and talked about the breakfast club and we held hands and he tried to kiss me and i said no and he felt bad.

10: How tall am I? 174cm

Keep reading

[sangonomiyashrine]

heyhey! can i get a kin thing for BNHA, haikyuu and danganronpa please?

she/her, INFP, ambivert

personality: im very bubbly, whimsical and sweet, and i love to compliment people and hype them up whenever they need it. Probably use the word “lovely” way too much. However, despite being bubbly and talktative i very rarely open up about myself/my interests. When you really know me i’m sarcastic, and i’m usually the really dumb friend everyone makes fun of (lovingly) bc i lack common sense but ive got the spirit lmao. Always energetic and down to do ANYTHING

hobbies: dancing/listening to music. idk if you could call it working out but i regularly put on my favourite music and just dance for hours in my kitchen at nights so lmao. also journalling, reading, annotating books. SHOPPING is my no 1 hobby tho i am always shopping for smth. Also love the colour pink an unhealthy amount

emotional state: ummmmmmmm im running on adrenaline we dont talk about her

social skills: people describe me as charming and charismatic, i love talking to people and making friends but i only have a few close CLOSE friends u get me

random facts

- obsessed w taylor swift

- my music taste goes from mcr/arctic monkeys etc to taylor swift/katy perry

- i spend like 99% of life daydreaming

you remind me of..

I also thought of Ochako Uraraka and Ibuki Mioda.

Nejire Hado - she's very bubbly and whimsical, always interested in learning about other people but doesn't share much about herself. she shows her excitement towards others and compliments people often. she's pretty much the scatterbrained "dumb" friend that everyone makes fun of, albeit out of good spirit because nobody could dislike her because she's so charming. she is filled with energy and probably down to do anything. although she loves talking to others and making friends, her more polite attitude tends to be reserved for her closer friends.

Shoyo Hinata - he's very bubbly and energized, especially when it comes to talking to others. he tends to compliment others and hype them up, because he sees something admirable in everybody. he can lack common sense sometimes which causes his friends to comment on it, but he's very charming and leaves an impact on everyone, even if the first interaction was a negative one. he's definitely ready to do anything at anytime.

Aoi Asahina - she's very bubbly and sweet, always complimenting others and cheering them up if needed. she's more of an ambivert, though she likes talking to others a lot. she can be a bit forgetful and scatterbrained, leading others to comment on it. she has the spirit though, she's very energetic and down to do anything. she can be pretty emotional underneath this and although she's friendly with everyone, it's clear who her closest friends are.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

in honour of the rawring 20s, more cringy things from my emo/scene phase, a semi-masterpost:

•putting the you me at six lyric “whose keeping a score of who is a whore??? i know you don’t!” as my myspace header in japanese…… so the girls in my year at school that i thought were “whores”, and didn’t like them bc of that, wouldn’t pick up that that i was aiming it at them. like being a weeb and a scene kid douchebag???? they don’t mix lmao.

•screaming “IF YOU HAD A SEX LIFE, A SEX LIFE WOULD YOU EVEN WORRY ABOUT MINE WHEN YOUR BED IS EMPTY???? YOU’RE A WASTE OF TIME!!!!” from the song sex life by d.r.u.g.s (destroy rebuild until god shows) through the halls of catholic school in year 10/2011 to try to ~subtly~ and bitterly flirt with my crush lmao. like honey. chill the fuck out!!!! you’re 15!!!!! not many people have a sex life at 15 anyway lmao

•my uh. jeffree star music phase in 2007

•i’ve mentioned this before but wanting to score my entire year 10 drama shakespeare monologue with emo music and my teacher having to block the idea constantly bc “it’s good enough on its own! i swear to GOD!”

•taking a studded belt to school on the 31/10/2009 bc i had to get ready for amity affliction at my besties house that day after school so we could head up to sydney that night for the concert. saying shit about having a studded belt made me hardcore and wanting to punch people in the face with it bc it was some dumb reoccurring theme i had

•watching the music video for one love by aiden on my ipod nano at school and telling everyone about jeffree star’s i hate you ring in the video and how if i ever had it i’d punch all the people i hated in the face with it….. and then they’d be branded for life with the fact that i hated them?????? like bro. i KNOW you are the embodiment of angsty harry potter from HP puppet pals. but literally!!!! calm the fuck down!!!!!!

•i’ve talked about it before, but breaking up with clear braces boy and immediately demanding him to “hurry up and listen to a day to remember bc they’re fucking amazing!!! and you know i’m motherfucking right!!!!”

•taking 3 hours to straighten my hair just to go swimming….. then like someone pushing me in a pool or the surf (if we’d gone to the beach) and RUINING MY PERFECTLY STRAIGHTENED HAIR AND MY AESTHETIC!!!! HOW DARE YOU????!!! you KNEW you were going swimming girl. why the fuck did you bother to straighten your hair anyway, lmao???

•the whole cringy thing of me wanting to work in the CD shop sanity just so i could play a bunch of emo music and have some cute heavily tattooed emo boy/guy in his skinny jeans, slouchy beanie/now gross beanie hat type thing and band shirt come in and mysteriously fall in love with me….. and then kiss me to “kill me in a record shop” by boys like girls… or like alternatively i’d be making out with my hot older emo coworker in the back to the same song or some other horny emo song anthem/s 😂😂 same went for JB hifi when they came along and started stocking all time low and cute is what we aim for cd’s 😂😂😂 the hot emo bro would also teach me to skate as a bonus hobby outside of work. like KILL ME NOW!!!!

• alternatively to the above, i’d just magically have a hot emo boy boyfriend who was preferably the singer in the band…. but also could play guitar and could hardcore scream really well….. when like the bulk of those dudes were literally in their 20s 😂😅. on this point, teen emo me believing that her liking 20something emo dudes who were covered in tats and piercings and wrote ~hella deep~ lyrics etc etc just apparently made her more mature than the girls in her year at catholic school who liked justin bieber or one direction (who were literally the same age as us lol). like girl no. if those older dudes hit on you, IT’S A RED FLAG!!!! FUCKING RUN!!!!

•wanting to take my edgy pop punk road trip to a town 8 hours north from where i am as soon i got my licence and stuff… also the whole moody thing about ~crashing my car just to feel again~ theme i had going on 2011/year 10 in my teen mental breakdown phase in regards to getting my licence bc i was so desperate to do something ~reckless~

•basically a good bulk of my high school statuses tbh

•me taking in the same 3 pics of the same 3 scene queens and hayley williams (and cassidy pope, once) into my hair dresser EVERY 8 WEEKS to get my hair cut just like them 😂😂 i even updated my facebook status in year 9/2010 once with “got hayley williams hair cut today :D :D!!!!” i swear to god my hairdresser got so sick of me taking those pics in lmao 😂😅

•stage diving at a local amity affliction show in 2010/year 9 and going straight to the fucking floor bc i accidentally jumped into a hole in the crowd…. but i suppose it’s bc i was the biggest wanker at the show bc….. before we went in, i was bragging hella loud about how “hardcore” i apparently was 😂😂

•using my hot topic dress in my year 10 drama monologue bc i thought its steampunk style was elizabethan enough when paired with my black marching band style jacket (that i used to imitate black parade era mcr) and a pocket watch that was a tiny moveable robot. and also my trusty red flanno shirt from jay jays

•wanting entire clothing lines from certain band members from certain labels. and most especially booty shorts with the persons name (most frequently a dude) plastered across my ass 😂😅

•wanting the entire mid2000s line of drop dead merch. also bbycks (baby cakes) and zumiez etc etc. also glamor kills.

•desperately wanting my bra to be on a mic stand of a certain band dudes mics (just why lmao)… or on certain band members mics lmao (also just why)

[emy-loves-you]

Sanders Sides AU-gust Day 2: College

Virgil and Logan have a series of flirty interactions before realizing that they’re roommates.

Logan POV, Analogical with background Royality and familial Logicality.

Day 1 | Masterlist | Day 3

Logan felt extremely stereotypical as he drank from his red solo cup. According to the clock on the wall, it was currently 11:27 PM and Logan was ready to go home. He silently cursed out his brother for dragging him to this party. Patton could have asked his boyfriend to take him, but he wanted Logan to get out of the house. Logan watched as Patton and Roman made out on the other side of the room. He took a bigger swig from his cup and winced. Cheap booze. Logan wished that the other highschoolers here could swindle some better alcohol. Logan steeled himself before downing the rest of the cup. He needed a distraction from his boredom (and his brother making out with Roman Prince).

Logan swiftly stood up, frowning as he stumbled a bit. Logan had assumed that his tolerance level was higher than this. He’s only had… three? Four? Drinks. Logan should go get another drink. Logan quickly made his way to the kitchen, ignoring the other teens he passed on the way there. This house was pretty big, with multiple bedrooms for teens to have fun in. Logan eventually found the kitchen, wincing slightly at how bright the room was. There seemed to be only one person- oh.

Sitting on the counter was the most gorgeous man Logan had ever seen. Logan vaguely recognized him from the football games he attended with Patton. The teen usually manned the concession stand, wearing his overly large hoodie and dark eyeshadow. With his alcohol-fueled brain, Logan wasn’t shy to admit that he’d been crushing on the teen for a while. Tonight his crush wore a tight-fitting MCR shirt and equally tight jeans. His makeup was much more complex, complete with winged eyeliner and black lipstick. Logan suddenly felt hot all over as he moved forward to grab another drink. The sinfully attractive man just then seemed to notice Logan’s presence, swaying slightly on the counter.

“Hey, I know you!” The man slurred out. He appeared to be just as intoxicated as Logan was. “You’re the cute kid that orders cookies and water at every football game!”

Logan blushed, surprised that he remembered Logan’s face, much less his order. He then realized the first half of the sentence. “You think I’m cute?” He asked, internally frowning at the way his voice slurred.

The hot guy (who Logan was mentally dubbing ‘hottie’ from here on out. It’s not like anyone could read his thoughts) smirked. “You’re more than cute. You’re hot as shit, man.” The man giggled. “I’ve been crushing on you for a long time.”

Logan’s drunk-self couldn’t help but repeating the sentiment. “I’ve also harbored a crush on you.” They both giggled like schoolgirls at the thought, both too intoxicated to fully grasp the implications.

Hottie suddenly hopped off the counter, grabbing Logan by the hand. “C’mon.”

Logan let himself be pulled along until they reached the front door. “Where are we going?” Logan felt like he was forgetting something important. Did he have his phone? Yes, it was in Logan’s back pocket. Then what was he forgetting? It must not be important.

Hottie smiled as he led Logan across the street. “My house.” He led Logan to the front door, only letting go of his hand to unlock the door. “My parents are on vacation, so the house is empty. We just graduated and we both like each other so I thought-”

Hottie didn’t quite state what he was planning for them to do that night. It might have been because Logan chose that moment to press his lips against Hottie’s. Or that Hottie’s back was immediately pressed against the wall. Or maybe he was just too busy trying to get Logan’s shirt off.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Logan groaned as he woke up, ignoring the need to open his eyes. His head felt like it would split in two. What happened last night? Logan struggled to pick out the details. Patton forced me to go to a party. He and Roman were… occupied. I went to get another drink and found that hot guy I’ve had a crush on for a while. I confessed my feelings and we went to his house- HIS HOUSE?!

Logan forced his eyes open, suddenly realizing that he wasn’t in his own bedroom. While it was difficult to see without his glasses, Logan could still make out the majority of the room. The whole room was a strange yet aesthetically pleasing combination of charcoal grey and purple. The bedroom was sparse, with multiple cardboard boxes stacked in the corner of the room. Logan’s crush (was crush an appropriate term for someone you’ve already had sex with?) was sitting on the other end of the bed, writing something in his notebook. Logan was suddenly aware of the fact that he was naked underneath the thick comforter on top of him. He went through the mental crisis of what the hell should I do for a few minutes before the man looked up.

“Oh! I didn’t know you were awake.” The teen shuffled around before holding something out. Logan held his hand out and was slightly surprised to feel his glasses being set gently onto his palm. Logan quickly put on his glasses and watched as his crush played with his hoodie strings. It was very odd to see him like this. On one hand, he wasn’t acting like the antisocial yet terrifying teenager that he was at football games. On the other hand, he wasn’t the suave, confident young man that Logan met last night. He was… shy, and quiet (and, though Logan would never admit it… he was cute, in a soft way).

Logan felt his blush rise as the guy handed him his clothes. They were clean and folded, with not a wrinkle in sight. How long has he been up for? And how long have I been asleep? Logan watched as the man gestured towards the bathroom and walked out of the room. Logan quickly stepped into the bathroom and changed, ignoring the heavy nausea he felt from his hangover. He then made his way out of the room, making his way to the kitchen. His crush was sitting on the counter, his phone in one hand and an unopened bottle of water in the other. Logan’s phone sat on the counter next to him, connected to a charger. The man offered Logan the water, which he accepted gratefully, chugging half the bottle before using the cool bottle as an icepack for his headache. His crush winced at the action. “Sorry, we don’t have any painkillers around. Trust me, I checked.”

Logan offered a small smile. “I believe you.” He turned towards his phone and was unsurprised to see over 50 missed calls from Patton. “I’ll need to be leaving soon.” The man tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “Look, I know we went through some mushy shit last night, but… I’m moving away in a few weeks. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could handle anything long-distance. But I didn’t mean to bring you here for a one-night stand. I wasn’t lying when I said I’ve been crushing on you for a while now.”

Logan nodded. “I am also leaving for college in a few weeks. There are extremely low chances of the two of us meeting again. While I also harbor feelings towards you, I do not fancy a long distance relationship.”

They sat there in silence while Logan texted Patton. Logan left out the majority of the details, just stating that he was unharmed and that he was across the street from the party. Patton replied that he would be there in 20 minutes.

“Hey.” Logan looked up, and his crush immediately looked down at his feet. “If we ever meet again… you know, after we’ve moved and stuff… do you think we could give this a chance?”

Logan smiled. “If we somehow meet again in the future, I would thoroughly enjoy being in a relationship with you.”

They sat there for a few minutes before he smirked. “Wanna make out until your ride gets here?”

Logan leaned forward to kiss him. “Yes please.”

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Logan sighed as he finished transferring his belongings from his car to his dorm room. Luckily his roommate wasn’t there yet, so they couldn’t see him exhausted from going up and down the stairs a dozen times. If he was here, maybe this whole thing would’ve been more bearable, but-

Logan shook his head. It’s been three months since the party, and he was probably on the other side of the country. Logan still feels like kicking himself for not getting the guy’s name or phone number. But by the time he thought of that, his crush had already moved away. But even after three months of no contact, Logan couldn’t get him out of his head. He’d fallen hard, and every night after was filled with dreams that would never happen. Kisses that never occurred, words that were never said, smiles and secrets that were never shared. God, Logan would do just about anything to have one more night with the guy. Instead, he was almost 1,000 miles away from his hometown, sharing his room with a stranger and wishing for a nameless cute guy more than he wished for his own brother.

Once everything was arranged accordingly, Logan decided to go and get some coffee. While he technically had a coffee maker in his room, Logan wanted to stretch his legs and familiarize himself with his new environment (it had nothing to do with getting thoughts of his crush out of his head, that would be preposterous). Logan made his way out of the college dorm, already dreading the walks from his dorm to his classes. The campus was larger than anything in Logan’s hometown. It took 20 minutes to reach the edge of campus, and another 15 to find a decent coffee shop. Sure, it looked like a cheap rip-off of Starbucks, but it had good reviews online so Logan was willing to give it a try.

Logan opened the front door, unsurprised to hear a small bell go off at the action. What he was surprised by was the familiar voice at the counter.

“Hello, welcome to the Coffee Castle, how may I help you?” Logan looked up just as he did, and they made eye contact over the counter. Logan’s face went red as he turned around and yelled towards the back room. “Taking my break now!”

Another voice answered back. “But I thought you were servin’ a customa?”

He blushed. “He can buy a coffee later, I gotta talk to him first. Personal stuff.”

The voice laughed. “Go gettum, V!”

V. While it wasn’t a full name, it was a much better substitute for him. V hung up his apron before dragging Logan towards the back of the coffee shop. There was a storage closet just big enough for the two of them as they slipped inside.

V smiled as he turned on the light. “Hey.”

Logan blushed. “Hello. It is very… nice, to see you again.”

V smirked. “Look, I’ve only got 10 minutes before I’ve gotta go back up to the counter. Wanna make out until then?”

Logan immediately pressed forward for a kiss. “That would be amenable.” He whispered under his breath.

Time always felt slower around V. Back when V worked the high school concession stand, a five-minute conversation felt like hours of invigorating debates. That night spent with V felt like years of drunken confessions and passionate moments. And the 8 minutes they spent making out in this closet felt like an entire lifetime of love. Every kiss was a promise for more, every sigh was a confession that didn’t need verbalization to be understood. Logan was not well-versed with recognizing and acting on emotions, but after the lifetime he was feeling in this moment, he realized that he would trade almost anything to spend an actual lifetime with V.

They eventually stopped kissing and just stood there for a moment, pressing their foreheads together in some vague form of reassurance. Logan wished that this moment of serenity would last forever, but that was not meant to be. V pulled back and blushed, looking down at his feet. “I know we both said we would give us a chance if we met again, but do you still mean it?”

Logan nodded. “Do you?”

V smiled, leaning in to kiss Logan’s nose. “I wouldn’t have pulled you into this closet if I didn’t.”

They stood there for a few moments before Logan coughed awkwardly. “Could I get your phone number? I really don’t want to go through the trouble of trying to find you again.”

V laughed. “Yeah, that makes sense.” V typed his number into Logan’s phone before sighing. “I need to get back to work.”

Logan frowned. “Alright. Will you be here tomorrow?”

Virgil smirked. “No, but I can be here if someone wants to go on a coffee date.”

Logan blushed. “That sounds acceptable. Is 1 PM a good time for you.”

Virgil smiled. “Sounds perfect.” He gave Logan one more peck on the lips before opening the closet door. “See you then.”

Logan was a blushing mess for the rest of the day. Patton had decided to call him soon after Logan left the cafe, and he squealed when Logan told him of his encounter with V. Patton then spent the next 20 minutes telling Logan what he should wear for his date tomorrow. That’s when Logan realized that holy shit I have a DATE tomorrow. He spent the rest of the day at the local library, trying to find anything on date etiquette (or just how to hold a proper conversation). After promising to tell Patton about how his date goes, he reads several philosophy books to try and calm down. By the time the library closed, Logan was feeling slightly less flustered and collected enough to meet his new roommate. Logan knew nothing but the man’s name, so it was difficult to judge whether or not this interaction would go smoothly.

Logan approached his dorm once again, feeling a nervous twist in his abdomen. First impressions meant alot to most people; would Logan’s roommate be upset that Logan wasn’t there all day? While Logan wasn’t interested in being friends with his new roommate, it would be helpful to keep a polite relationship with the person he was going to live with for the next few months.

Logan quickly entered the dorm, finding his roommate lying on the floor, eating a bag of chips. Logan cringed as the crumbs got into the carpet, but attempted to be civil nonetheless. “Hello, you must be Virgil Storm. I am your roommate, Logan-”

Logan didn’t get to finish his introduction before the man burped loudly and sat up. “Oh, I’m not Virgil.” He used his tongue to get the leftover crumbs out of his mustache. “Remus Prince, at your service!”

Logan cringed again, suddenly recognizing the man’s face. While he didn’t go to the same highschool as Logan, his resemblance was impossible to miss. “Ah, I remember now. We’ve met a few times before this, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re Roman’s twin brother, correct?”

Remus’ eyes went wide. “Yep, and your Patty’s big bro, right? My, what a small world!”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at that. “Yes, what a small world indeed.” He looked around. “Now, what are you doing in my room?”

Remus giggled. “I’m Virgil’s best friend! We were gossiping about the date he’s going on tomorrow.”

Logan nodded. “And where is he now?”

Logan heard the door open and close from behind him. Remus giggled and pointed towards the door. Logan turned around, ready to start his introductory speech again. Instead, all that came out was a quiet squeak.

Standing in the doorway, slack jawed, was V. Logan felt his cheeks turn red as he tried to come up with an appropriate response. Remus giggled again, and V then seemed to realize that Remus was there. “Remus, leave.”

Remus whined. “But we were gonna talk about the guy that made your heart flutter and your di-”

Virgil growled. “Out, Remus.”

Remus stared at the two of them while Logan continued to silently blush. He seemed to come to the correct conclusion as he laughed. “Well, the world’s even smaller than I thought it was. Have fun you two!” And with one last laugh and something whispered into Virgil’s ear, Remus left.

Logan and V- no, Virgil- stared at each other before Virgil started laughing. Logan soon joined him, and they became a giggling mess. Virgil wiped away a fake tear. “What are the odds?”

“Of the two of us being roommates at the same college? Without informing the other of what state we were moving to?” Logan adjusted his glasses. “Too small to consider.”

There was a pause before Virgil spoke up. “Well, I know we have a date planned for tomorrow, but we have two perfectly usable beds right here, and-”

This wasn’t the first time that Virgil was unable to finish telling Logan what he wanted to do, and it wouldn’t be the last. But Virgil was okay with that, if it meant that he was feeling Logan’s lips on his.