#YICHEN MY MAN

[dearmyloveleys]

I’ve watched so many xianxia/wuxia cdramas about heroes but none quite embody a hero as much as I find Zhuo Yichen to be. If Ep25’s conversation between him and Lilun about hatred and how you allow it to consume you hasn’t convinced you, Ep26 cements this. He is so truly selfless, a great martial artist, puts the good of people first, and most importantly he learns. He is not without flaws, but he accepts the faults in his worldview without resistance. Even when his greatest nightmare of turning into a demon comes true, he accepts it albeit with pain and grace. He never falls into self-pity and hatred to the point that it blinds him (unlike Lilun), even when the world he protects curses him and gives him more than enough reasons to. He forgives the demon who killed his family, because he learns.

His sacrifice in Ep26 means so much to his character — recognising that Zhuyan shouldn’t have needed to pay for things beyond his control, coming face to face with his heritage and dying for it so he can save everyone, willingly letting go of the sword he once only wielded for vengeance and asking for it to turn into a weapon of saving grace (to rescue Baijiu). And he does all these with nothing but an embracing acceptance and reasonable tears. Yichen never once calls himself a hero, but I find that he is one of the greatest to have graced the cdrama screen.

[usertoxicyaoi]

"They despised you, trampled on you and cursed you, just because you don't belong to the same race as them. How did it feel? Don't you hate them? Don't you feel aggrieved? You're not a sinner, but they still hate you."

FANGS OF FORTUNE (2024). EPISODE TWENTY FIVE.

[recapitulation]

[ID: gifs from episode 7 of the series "Fangs of Fortune." Zhao Yuanzhou says to Zhuo Yichen, "Everyone in Tiandu knows that Xiao Zhuo Daren is handsome and charming. You're like a sharp sword when dealing with evil demons," Zhuo Yichen straightens up, "upholding justice, sticking to principles, and having ambition." Zhuo Yichen smiles and then suppresses it. Zhao Yuanzhou asks, "Right?" Zhuo Yichen responds, "Indeed." /end ID]

[niyxxe]

swallowed on nothing (spooked out) — this almost scared me into a cardiac arrest, what the hell.

[kseniyagreen]

A few thoughts on the ending, the meaning of Yichen's final choice and my favorite terrifying scene.

I have already written that I have a strong allergy to the theme of self-sacrifice. I am deeply convinced that the world is made better by the desire to live and fight for a better life for yourself and your loved ones - not by the desire to lie on the altar of the "greater good".

So the whole theme of ZYZ as a designated sacrifice caused me great concern.

But it seems that FoF managed to surprise me here too.

And first of all, I want to thank the drama for one of the most terrifying and yet one of my favorite scenes. The scene when ZYZ walks down the corridor to his death.

He walks from one loved one to another. He literally has a few moments when he can be alone - not keep his face, not look collected and calm.

And then we see the true face of self-sacrifice. And it is terrifying, as it is.

In dramas, self-sacrifice is usually shown as a beautiful and harmonious act. A noble hero with a light heart and a gentle smile goes into eternity for the sake of world harmony.

But in reality, giving up your life - if you are not already a walking dead man - is an act that turns the soul inside out.

Like in the scene of YL's death - dying is scary and lonely.

Moving in this direction with your feet is a twisted and horrifying act of violence against yourself. And we see this violence against yourself in how ZYZ hits himself on the face to bring him to his senses. Because there is no way he can come to Yichen in this state.

And ZYZ, the one who came into this story with the goal of dying, approaches this final point with a desperate desire to live. But the thing is that for him, living is not just existing, but living with those he loves. And that's not an option.

And so he gets up and goes to death, carefully pretending that he is at peace with this decision. Knowing that he will have to throw himself on this sword.

And then my interpretation of Yichen's decision - but I find it logical in the entire narrative of the story.

Yichen saves ZYZ from having to make this self-sacrificing last spurt - and thus saves ZYZ's desire to live.

Because in order to do it himself, ZYZ would have to make one more final step of violence against himself. And then it would not matter whether Yichen's trick would succeed or not - all that would remain of ZYZ would be a cold ghost of the past.

But Yichen took responsibility for this unbearable situation, for the fact that if his trick fails, he will carry this guilt and pain within himself forever.

And it is thanks to this that he was able to save ZYZ's living soul.

[hyog-blog]

Zhao Yuanzhou and His Depression

Can we just stop for a second to appreciate the sheer scope of Zhao Yuanzhou's tragedy? Like, the man literally didn't want to live. And he was looking for death not to make some huge-ass sacrifice to save humanity and all, but first and foremost, he didn't want to continue his existence because of how painful and unbearable it was.

This, I think, puts his inability to deal with Li Lun (or any other more or less emotional thing for that matter) in a whole new perspective. ZYZ's mental capacity was enough to only plan his own death. When we first see him he's a ticking suicide bomb. Can we even blame him for being weak/inattentive/lacking compassion/unable to face Li Lun's own grief and pain at this point?

I don't think we actually get the sheer scope of it for Zhao Yuanzhou. That he was actually able to smile and find happiness within the Demon Hunting Bureau was truly a miracle (for him and for everyone else involved, that they got to see that side of him).

For him to get healed to the point he actually let someone else into his heart (both Wen Xiao and Zhuo Yichen, and that little demon-hunting squad of theirs) is a real wonder. For him, who deemed himself unworthy to continue breathing on this earth any longer.

That's why in the first episodes, whenever there's danger, he's willing to take any kind of damage himself. Because he's punishing himself both physically and mentally. He literally stabbed himself in the heart when he first met Zhuo Yichen for those reasons as well (like, he wouldn't die from it, but it would still hurt like crazy).

Ah, that man, that character D: My heart is still bleeding for him.

[alipeeps]

Episode 34 - Extra

Yay, the truth about Zhu Yan and him sacrificing himself for the world (and also doing many foolish things, apparently) is widely known. That makes it all ok then I guess.... 😭😭😭

He carved a message into the love token too?

Zhuo Yichen's got white hair streaks?!!

He looks so much older somehow and it's not just the white streaks. It's a.. maturity. One forged through hardship and loss, I fear.

Oh what now?

Ugh found family feels... what's left of them... 😭

You heard that the Demon Hunting Bureau hired a lot of new people, Wen Xiao? Aren't you a part of it anymore then? Are you full-time Baize Goddess and no longer living at the Bureau?

She's in charge because... he's leaving?

Oh man, he's going off searching for Zhao Yuanzhou's soul...

Oh so Wen Xiao is still at the Demon Hunting Bureau.

Oh what now?

The way they are all honouring the ones they lost in the best way they can... 😭

Ah shit, Bai Jiu left him his bell...

Oh shit, in the flashback Bai Jiu calls him Xiao Zhuo Ge instead of Xiao Zhuo Daren. 😭😭😭

Ah jfc show, as if I needed to cry some more? Why are you doing this to meeeee?!

Zhu Yan's soul is in the blood mark on the first contract he signed with Wen Xiao?

Ahhh fuck he's wearing Bai Jiu's bell in his hair as he searches for Zhao Yuanzhou's soul...

So the paper containing the last bit of Zhao Yuanzhou's soul took it upon itself to float allll the way into the human world... and not to Wen Xiao... but to Zhuo Yichen. Okay then.

HOLY SHIT.

So basically... it's not over.

Just like Li Lun, if he hadn't sacrificed himself, Zhao Yuanzhou can cultivate for 100 years of so and regain a human form? And Wen Xiao is a goddess and Zhuo Yichen is a demon so they can lives 100s of years....

THE POLYCULE LIVES ON!!!

Ngl that has soothed my soul. And opened the way for a million post-canon fanfics where he cultivates back to human form and they all live happily ever after.

Honestly though, thank god for this extra. I will never ever be over the loss of Ying Lei and Bai Jiu, but at least Wen Xiao and Zhuo Yichen and Zhao Yuanzhou can be reunited in the future.

[romchat]

Fangs of Fortune (Ep. 25): Quick thoughts on the visuals

Pretty sure that last scene of Fangs of Fortune's Episode 25 made me feral and has not given me a moment of peace since I saw it (where's the fanfic, y'all???), but it did highlight for me something distinct about Director Guo Jingming's visual storytelling that isn't often discussed: his actor blocking.

Like in My Journey to You, Guo often uses how the actors are positioned in relation to the set and one another to reveal something about their characters, and he then shifts them like pieces on a chess board to signify changes in their mental state and/or relationships. This directing choice really gives his scenes a sense of movement and tension because the characters literally end up in different positions than where they started. We see the change on screen as much as we hear it in the script.

At the beginning of the scene, we see Li Lun looming over Zhuo Yichen, reveling in the latter's apparent defeat over being harassed for being a demon.

Even though Li Lun eventually kneels down, it is menacing and just as much a power move as when he was standing up.

But we instantly feel the switch in the flow of power within the conversation when the distance between the two actors gets smaller. It's like Li Lun is both compelled and repulsed by Yichen's defense of humans and his criticism of Li Lun's indiscriminate violence towards them.

So we know that Li Lun has lost control of the situation when he stands up again and leg kabedons Yichen, pinning him roughly against the wall. Unlike earlier in the conversation, he now has to resort to brute strength to repress Yichen, and we see that realization on Li Lun's anguished face.

SIDE NOTE: That little grunt and exhale of air from Yichen at that move? Sorry, my mind wandered. Moving on...

Up until this point, Yichen has been relatively calm, but when Li Lun goes too far by calling him a coward like Zhu Yan (big mistake to insult his man!), Yichen demonstrates his power and blasts him away from into the water.

Not only is Yichen now looming over Li Lun, they're literally not on the same level, the latter isolated and cast in darkness. His resentment and crimes have sunk him to such a level that Yichen can only see him as pitiful.

Li Lun's switch to Bai Jiu's form in the background as Yichen walks away reinforces this. As a child actor, Lester Lin is significantly smaller than Yan An, so the use of his body makes Li Lun look even weaker.

SIDE NOTE: What a devastating use of rack focus from Li Lun to Yichen, showing how his manipulation won't work on Yichen no matter how painful it must feel to see Xiao Jiu. The shallow depth of field weakens Li Lun's image (and therefore power) even further.

Finally, I love how this scene ends with Yichen walking past Li Lun who remains immobile in the water but eventually drags himself in the other direction. It's the perfect bookend to the start of the scene. Yichen moves beyond that barrier (Li Lun's body), looking forward into the future despite the challenges he will face, while Li Lun's stays behind, most likely choosing an even more self-destructive end to his tragic story.

God, I love this director even when his writing drives me up a wall.

[sooniebby]

Crack headcanons— my OCs dick size/thick of slender..Yall better like this…

Yubin — 6, slender

Riki — 5, thick (he also has a knot attached to it)

Jun Jie — 5, thick

Eun Jae — 6, slender

Kimura — 5, slender

Nalin — 6, slender

Soojin — 7, thick (he’s also pretty tall, 6’2)

Levi — 6, thick

Vincent — 7, slender

Mikey — 6, thick

Keita — 6, slender

Xavier — 8, thick

Yuta — 8, thick

Yichen — …. 9.5… thick… (he’s a big man already he’s like 6’6, obvs he big down there too!)

Yichen biggest dick and tallest OC!! Let’s go for my baby girl!!

Now when it comes to boobs… Yichen, Vincent, and Xavier wins.

Ass? Yuta only—everyone else flat I’m sorry yall 😞

[randomingoftherandomness]

Fangs of Fortune Fic Request:

Instances of ZYC feeling hot under the collar because of ZYZ'S flirtatious remarks. He endures until one he snaps. Basically ZYC kisses ZYZ first ti shut him up.

P.S really enjoying your fics.

A/N: I took some liberties with this prompt :) I hope that's ok.

P.S thank you for reading!

🎀 currently still accepting fic requests 🎀

--

1.

Zhuo Yichen has never been one to revel in the spotlight and now as the Commander of the Demon Hunting Bureau, the fact that attending these big banquets is part and parcel of the job description just curdles something in him.

Give him ten demons to hunt down and fight, and it would still be preferable to suffering through the saccharine platitudes being lobbed his way by men who have never held anything heavier than a pen. He has to stop himself from reaching for his sword when Mr Fan's pointed gaze tells him to ease up when a particularly portly man stinking too much of booze and women's perfume sits too close.

Before Yichen can react to the slurred flirtations of a man double his age, Zhao Yuanzhou has sidled up to his side, sliding an almost possessive hand around his waist.

Yichen stiffens. Head turning to ask him what the hell he is doing, when the great demon darts in close, whispering into his ear, "Play along, hm?"

He manages a stuttering, "What?" before Zhao Yuanzhou is putting on the airs of a drunkard, wrapping himself around Yichen.

"Xiao Zhuo-daren, my arms have been bereft of you! Why must you stray from my side!" He bemoans loud enough that people from two tables over have stopped in their conversation to peer over at them. Yichen barely has time to react beyond catching the flailing demon and caging him in a panicked embrace, when said demon peers up at him and practically purrs, "Don't you love me anymore? Laopo?"

Mr Fan chokes on his wine in the periphery of his vision, but Yichen's only fully aware of how the syllables have just so easily danced off Zhao Yuanzhou's tongue. More than that, he is breathless in the realisation that he doesn't hate being called that.

"Maybe it's time you take your leave, Zhuo-daren." Mr Fan croakily suggests. Yes. Perhaps it is.

2.

They're stuck.

To more accurately describe their predicament, Yichen and Zhao Yuanzhou have found themselves, unfortunately, pressed together back to front when they attempted to both pass through a narrow opening in the wall at the same time.

Unfortunately, being the desperate word here because Yichen can feel himself reacting to the way the demon's body is furnace up against his body.

And then there is the way he can feel every exhale of the demon's breath against his nape; a warm tickle of air that sparks a fire between his thighs. This problem is not helped whatsoever by the soft grunt that Zhao Yuanzhou practically breathes through his lips right to the shell of his ear.

Damn, why did he have to tie his hair back today of all days?

"Stay still!"

Zhao Yuanzhou chuckles, the sound shifting the heavy quiet around them. "Why Xiao Zhuo-daren, one would think my proximity to you would be much more welcomed than it is not."

Then, just as suddenly as he finds himself in this predicament, he finds himself free when the demon lord shifts and they have come loose.

"Oh."

Tucking his sword over the tenting of his robes, Yichen burns as he wilts under Zhao Yuanzhou's dark gaze. "Shut up."

3.

He finally snaps over tea.

Well, tea and cakes, in the company of their friends while they're enjoying a moment of peace between their cases. When asked later what is the thing that did it for him, Yichen will non-committally say that it was the perfect moment and speak no more about it. But he will know and Zhao Yuanzhou will too, that it was just the straw that broke the camel's back when the great demon called him beautiful in a way that was every part sincerity wrapped up in a veneer of a tease.

Yichen might have broken one of Wen Xiao's teacups when he grabbed Zhao Yuanzhou by the front of his robe, hauling him bodily forward to slide their mouths together in an inelegant and almost painful first kiss.

There's too much teeth and Zhao Yuanzhou might have bitten back in retaliation. The angle is all wrong and for a beat, Yichen feels the creeping sense of awareness of what he has just done start to creep in when a gentle hand reaches up to hold him by the nape, guiding him to tilt his head one way, and then.

Sparks fly behind his eyes at the pleasure that surges in his veins when Zhao Yuanzhou kisses him with a tenderness that surprises Yichen and delights him in equal measures.

At some point, he has to pull back for air. Panting shakily into the press of lips that he is bereft to stray too far from.

"Fucking finally..."

Pei-daren's voice cuts through the cloud of his happy haze, but only for a moment because there are hands on his ass and he is being bodily carried like a princess, tucked so tenderly against Zhao Yuanzhou's body as he moves them both in the direction of his quarters.

"Pei Jiejie, you said a bad word!" Yichen hears the pubescent screech of Xiao Jiu and the accompanying tinkle of bells.

"Doesn't make it any less true."

He will have time to die a little from the embarrassment of losing his cool so very publically, but for now, he allows the great demon to carry him, kissing his face as he goes.

[zhuoyichenpretty]

ep 24 commentary (brain fried edition)

my head is a little empty after ep 24 tbh!! brain is not braining after all the zyc hurt no comfort (-:

some scattered thoughts here and there, painstakingly corralled like cats out of my vacuous brain and into a list (spoilers):

ZYZ is really emo this episode poor dude like he is having a hard time keeping it together it seems. Every other word out of his mouth is depressing as shit, which is saying a lot considering how depressing he usually is already (': I kind of wanted this episode to pick his brain more, give him room to emote in the aftermath of all that. But it almost feels like the character refuses to be alone, like he might spiral if he has too much time to get in his own head. I'm still so curious to know, though, what he thinks about the state of their promise in light of how far ZYC went trying to save him. “He has us,” ZYZ said to WX. When the time comes, I wonder how he'll reconcile that with what he’s asked of ZYC.

PSJ and Ying Lei bonding! shenanigans! I did laugh thank you guys. Also, not that the team didn't operate separately before, but I really get a sense of how much ZYC held things together with how apparent his absence is. It's obvs heartwarming seeing how hard everyone is working to save him (PSJ especially for me bc I love their mutual tacit trust and respect and all the ways they're alike and different), but ultimately it's still so angsty (':

Kind of love the couple instances where ZYC has been referred to as fragile/weak/of delicate constitution (depending on how you wanna translate it) like that's a very interesting quality to assign to basically the tank of your team. Even if the comments are made facetiously, it just reminds me of how often we witness his mortality, and of course how everything about the styling, aesthetics, and content of the flashbacks to his childhood reinforce a characterization of vulnerability at the very heart of him. I saw someone mention how the Cloud Light Sword responded to ZYC's tears and to that vulnerability rather than brute strength, and I totally agree. I love how this "fragile" characterization plays into the whole fate weapon deal. ZYC's strength is (imo) unconventional, and it is his sensitivity, his compassion, and his deep capacity to feel that the sword acknowledges, resonates with, and empowers. Almost like it protects his tender heart rather than making it something he needs to overcome to get stronger.

One thing I will never get over is how incredibly they styled TJR as baby!Yichen, adult ZYC, and Bingyi. What do you mean this is all from one drama and not three separate productions. Insane. I'm out of my mind with how gorgeous every change in costuming is.

A tangential note is I've seen people mention (paraphrasing very much here) ZYZ's demon form being nicely subtle in its eerie inhumanity and tbh I have a similar feeling even just about human adult ZYC imo. Especially when his hair is down and he's got that thick eyeliner on and we get a close up of his contacts, if you told me from the start that he's half-demon half-human or something I'd believe it. Along the same vein, baby!Yichen reads completely human to me, and Bingyi of course completely demon. Something something the Cloud Light Sword bridges the gap something. This point is unintelligible and not narratively based but I had to make it because I've been thinking "wow ZYC elven" for days now.

Saw a tag about yuanyi getting us through some dark times but man they are PUTTING me through some dark times rn help?/

Been trying to put off talking about the baby Yichen scenes because wow I cried immediately. Well, no, I was like "yay! I love seeing baby Yichen!" and then they crushed me into demon dust lol. And then WX had to tell that absolutely precious story about when she got sick and ZYZ had to go like "actually ZYC was probably lonely as fuck" and yeah that's fine I didn't need my heart anyway.

Ending on this point so I can put a pretty screencap here: There is so much gravity to just the short scene of Bingyi removing his mask and dropping to his knees with that anguished and fatigued expression. TJR's acting is the gift that keeps on giving (me angst).

so sorry if anything here didn't make sense, i currently have the same thousand-mile-stare as Bingyi the more i think about how this all might end and how long I'm gonna have to wait to find out.

[kandadze]

Not what I was planning on posting, but this story got super persistent (and my editing sped up thanks to @hyog-blog's cheering me on :)), so...

Catharsis (1334 words) by kandadze

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: 大梦归离 | Fangs of Fortune (TV)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Zhao Yuanzhou | Zhu Yan/Zhuo Yichen

Characters: Zhao Yuanzhou | Zhu Yan, Zhuo Yichen, Qing Geng

Summary:

Xiao Zhuo's arms should be getting tired right about now, Zhao Yuanzhou thinks, blinking up from his position on the ground at the man in question; he seems to be in a trance, but there's no malicious energy on him this time, and even Bing Yi's energy doesn't make an appearance. Zhao Yuanzhou is rather grateful -

Or, the missing scene in ep 31.

[harocat]

2024 Cdrama Year in Review

Overall Favorite Show:

Love Game in Eastern Fantasy

Funny, charming, sweet, warmhearted, tender, touching, clever, and just all around a delight. Was it perfect? No. Did it make me happier and give me more brain worms (of the good kind, not the RFK kind) than any other drama this year? Yes.

Favorite Character:

Mu Sheng/Ziqi from Love Game in Eastern Fantasy

This man is crack to me. Put a bunch of tropes Haro loves in a pot and stir them up, then add Ding Yuxi's sad baby boy yes and you get Ziqi aka 'this character was made for me.'

Runner up would be Miaomiao:

But since I want to use another series for the runner up...

Favorite character runner up:

Zhao Yuanzhou from Fangs of Fortune

Zhao Yuanzhou my beautiful tragic demon boy who deserves the world. The epitome of ‘Do you understand the violence it took to become this gentle?’

Favorite Ship:

Miaomiao and Ziqi from Love Game in Eastern Fantasy

Such a tender, quiet love that develops from a strong friendship into something more. I love that they never stop being cute, teasing BFFs once they hook up. The story that ties it all together in the last episode is so beautiful. I'm content knowing that even though they might not have cool powers any longer, they are going to live happily ever after. Everything that happened to them was real. 💖

favorite ship runner up:

Zhuo Yichen/Zhao Yuanzhou from Fangs of Fortune

In a word, gorgeous. The way pure hatred can transform into uncompromising love, two people who couldn't seem more different on the surface can find a singular understanding, and the way that love is sacrifice, but it's also taking on a burden for someone who has spent his whole life doing so for others (choosing someone who has never been chosen, and when the time comes, his soul sings and comes back to you).

Other runner up would be Xiaoyao/Tushan Jing from Lost You Forever, but they were on last year's list for the first season so.

(Skipped fave canon since Miaoqi is canon)

favorite supporting female:

A'Nian from Lost You Forever S2

This princess has some of the strongest character growth in the series, and definitely the best arc in season two. Just delightful to watch. Strong subversion of the evil SFL trope.

favorite supporting male:

Nitian Erxing from Burning Flames

In a generally kind of overstuffed and simplistic cast, this devoted demon king stood out to me. Not just his cunty styling, but his nobility and surprising level of complexity.

If you bring in 2023 dramas that I watched in 2024, add in Wang Ye from I am Nobody to the above. He's such a mood, and he's very pretty. He was by far my favorite part of season one. Can't wait to see him again. .💖

favorite antagonist:

Princess Wanning from The Double

Not sure about favorite because I wasn't that invested in her specifically, but as far as 'best' antagonist, it was probably her. Legend says that Li Meng is still chewing the scenery to this day.

(Format stolen from @exitvelocities)

[recapitulation]

okay cor recapitulation 2024 cdrama roundup ranked by how much I personally enjoyed them

1- 莲花楼/Mysterious Lotus Casebook

I've said this a billion times but this one was a masterful mix of tragedy and humor. Easily the funniest one on this list, which is really important to me. I will admit that the antagonist is not as interesting as many others below, but I was enraptured with the story from beginning to end. Truly delicious amounts of dramatic irony. AND there was Fang Duobing.

2- 大梦归离/Fangs of Fortune

Easily the most visually stunning on this list. Cunt level off the charts. There is a difference between "liked the story" and "lies awake thinking about the story" and these first two hit that second category for me. Although I did feel at times like the drama was a bit over the top, I loved the story so much that all is forgiven. I laughed I cried I threw up. Not actually but Zhuo Yichen's dry heaving DID at one point make me nauseous for real. 10/10.

3- 我的阿勒泰/To The Wonder

I think this is the only cdrama I watched that wasn't wuxia, so it's weird to compare it to the others, but I did love it a lot. It left me with a feeling of peace and stillness very different from these others. I loved all the little details. It had a way of leading you to sit with a small moment that was truly beautiful.

4- 长相思/Lost You Forever

I disliked part 2 so much that it makes it hard to remember how much I loved part 1, but I really did hamsterwheel this one. There was so much gender here we should not forget it. AND blood drinking. <3

5- 墨雨云间/The Double

I do love a good revenge story. The antagonist was more interesting than I gave her credit for at the time due to my emotional entanglement in said revenge story. I enjoyed it a normal amount.

6- 春花焰/Kill Me Love Me

I enjoyed some aspects (biting <3) but it shrimply did not ignite my soul. It DID star the most beautiful man in the world although that's just my onion.

7- 花开有时颓靡无声/Meet You At The Blossom

Unfortunately this one used like six plot devices I actively hate but I still did (mostly) finish it out of attachment to a few specific side characters. At one point I did feel compelled but I'm not sure I would say I enjoyed it generally. Sorry gay people.

8- 云之羽/My Journey To You

I will be honest I only cared about Shangguan Qian and pretty much no one else, so I didn't finish it. I will probably try and revisit at some point. For my wife Shangguan Qian. I love you. I miss you.

9- 少年歌行/The Blood of Youth

Sadly this one really didn't resonate with me at all. Which is sad because the most beautiful man in the world was bald. :( I see it compared to mlc and shl a lot but it didn't have that something something that those do imo. Perhaps I will revisit in the future.

[kseniyagreen]

And no one in the world can see through you...

I think one of the most important and acute themes of the drama is the desire to be seen, to be real for someone. The desire is so greedy and desperate that many heroes are ready to die for it.

Because without this feeling of being seen and understood, they feel like they are in an endless dream. Not so real. And for the opportunity to become real, they are ready to pay with pain and life.

Ying Lei and Bai Jiu both died trying to do something meaningful for their special person. Striving to be the one who changes something - himself, alone. And maybe that's why they were so reckless.

Li Lun sacrificed his immortal existence to become a real man for one day - the man Zhao Yuanzhou will not forget.

The bird goddess understands that this Fei is not real - and understanding this, she kind of see the real Fei in her heart.

And therefore she feels it as if they are finally together.

This is a desperate, beautiful but painful desire to have someone who sees you and whom you see, someone who will illuminate the darkness of your loneliness, especially acute and painful for those who are used to feeling like an "anomaly".

The drama also raises the social aspect - about how anomalies are not accepted by society, are seen distortedly and falsely, and this experience of social invisibility makes the desire to find someone who will see and understand the real you even stronger - sometimes dangerous and even destructive.

All the characters are in some sense are dreamers in a dream and puppets in a play.

And in this play you can go beyond the given role, show a glimmer of your true self only at the moment when your role ends. And every hero here dies looking at the one for whom they wants to become real most of all.

This interestingly reflects the fact that under censorship, a lot can only be shown at the cost of the hero's death. Like queer couples in censored dramas, they usually die in the finale (at least one of them). Antiheroes who reject the laws of this world's also usually assert their right for sympathy with a selfless death.

But in reality, a person asserts themself and finds understanding not through death, but through life. It is not the final sacrifice, but the path traveled that matters.

And this is where I see the meaning of Zhao Yuanzhou's path.

He could have died in the middle of the story - and the villain would not have received his power, and the world might not have needed to be saved.

But then ZYZ would have died unrecognized and misunderstood, lonely.

But thanks to the path traveled, he finds someone who sees him, who understands him, who loves him and makes him real.

And for Zhuo Yichen, this is no less important - for someone who was afraid of his dreams and therefore lived as if in a dream, for someone who was afraid of that unconscious part of himself. And therefore, diligently fulfilling his social role, he did not get close to anyone.

But the more alive and real they become together, the tighter the web of fate becomes. As if resisting their desire to be together.

And yet I would like to think that this desire and their mutual reality turns out to be stronger than the tragic scenario.

Like at the moment when Zhuo Yichen was supposed to die together with the villain, but did not die because the Zhao Yuanzhou's spell "recognized" him.

This desire to stretch the thread of connection through all obstacles, barriers and through death itself is very tangible in the way they're holding hands.

And this courage not to let go even when it seems the universe itself is separating you plays a key role in the finale.

"I recognize only the principles of my heart," says Li Lun.

And I like to think that along with his power, he passed on to Zhuo Yichen a part of his rebellious spirit and gave Yichen the courage to resist fate.

Yichen too manages to save part of Yuanzhou's soul because he knows that soul truly. They manage to pull this theme of mutual recognition into a situation as far away from an act of love as possible.

This "I knew you would do this" "and I knew you would do this, and that's why I do something else" and "you're still so..." - as both recognition of "it's you" and surprise and recognition anew.

They are both tied with ropes to their roles, like puppets of a demon who fulfills wishes. But they see each other beyond these roles. And with his final act, Zhuo Yichen seems to connect their destinies beyond the boundary where their roles end.

Zhao Yuanzhou had to fulfill his role as a sacred sacrifice and leave. Zhuo Yichen had to fulfill his role as an instrument on which Yuanzhou would make his sacrifice. But Yichen, taking on an active role in a situation of impossible choice, goes beyond the role of an instrument - and thanks to this, he can do what does not fit into this role.

Save Zhao Yuanzhou's life and connect their fates beyond the fulfillment of the prophecy.

And now they're both free.

[hyog-blog]

Fangs of Fortune (ep. 33 - ep. 34)

Okay, I might need therapy after this show now, but oh boy, did they end on a hopeful note (I mean that sweet special episode that made EVERYTHING better). I almost don't want to recount the torment that was the last few episodes, but it was pretty. And all of them are incredibly beautiful sufferers D:

Li Lun had a spectacular, albeit short, redemption arc, sacrificing himself both for Zhuo Yichen and, most importantly, Zhao Yuanzhou. LL and ZYZ are especially tragic if you come to think of it. They've both lived 30,000+ years, can you imagine the amount of cycles their relationship went through? They could have been enemies just out of boredom, and then lovers again, and then friends, and then whatever. They both don't pose as very sociable beings, so I imagine having each other in their lives was pretty important. Thus, losing the other one was pretty much unbearable. It's akin to losing a part of yourself, of your body and soul (once again, the TORMENT of Li Lun dying and what ZYZ was going through was palpable).

"I can't stand seeing him so useless."

And that moment when Zhao Yuanzhou needed to kill the phoenix but he couldn't utter the goddamn spell because Zhuo Yichen was in there, too, and he could have been killed. Gosh, give that old demon a break, hasn't he suffered enough already? (Mr.Guo says: nope, not nearly). But that handshake was hotter than a kiss, I swear :)

That moment when Zhao Yuanzhou was going to his death, leaving Wen Xiao behind and breaking A LOT at the passageway, realizing he wouldn't be able to keep any of his promises - to her and to him, that was almost worse than the death itself. Hou Minghao played it so well it physically hurt to see him like that.

Don't get me even started about Bai Jiu and how he held onto Zhuo Yichen's hair bells for strength and courage D: In the end, he was the one who saved everyone. A baby boy who was scared of everything.

And what a day it was for Wen Xiao to lose both her stepfather and her loved one. Zhao Yuanzhou did sacrifice him for her (otherwise she would have done it as a goddess for all those people), but a small evil voice in my head (probably Li Lun's XD) whispered that it's just one city, how many ppl could the Chongwu Camp have infected? Screw the city, save Zhao Yuanzhou XD Well, I'm obviously biased, so, yeah. One Great Demon saved the day, finally realizing his deathwish, which was no longer there.

Zhao Yuanzhou and Zhuo Yichen during the killing - it was just pure heartbreak. ZY manned up (if it's even applicable here) and did the deed himself, not waiting for ZYZ to go full-on Ying Long on him. Instant depression for the whole Demon Hunting Bureau, whoever was left there still. But kudos to our boy for saving a part of Zhao Yuanzhou's soul - just like Bing Yi did. And not only that, he went looking for it. I have no idea what you could do with a particle like that (can you grow him back? I'd like to think so, although Ying Long was kinda stuck and didn't seem too happy, hmm).

Also, the last person Zhao Yuanzhou saw was Zhuo Yichen D;

But still, that ending in the special was hopeful. Instantly made everything somehow less dreary and lonely. Zhuo Yichen's character growth was IMMENSE. Our boy went from hating demons who killed his family, then getting to know so many of them, and one especially well, and even to becoming one himself. And in the end, he refused to give up on Zhao Yuanzhou, saying he'd be guilty for the rest of his life if he didn't find him. Well, maybe that, but also because of their love, which was HUGE.

I like how the show explored different types of love - friendly, sisterly, brotherly, m/m, f/f, and everything in between. Unrequited love, platonic love, the whatever love - it's all been there. Pei Sijing's face said a lot when Wen Xiao told them she was also leaving - to stay in the Wilderness. It's not-really-funny how without Zhao Yuanzhou their whole team broke apart (well, some died, but each of them went their separate ways). I kind of hopefully imagine that if he came back, he'd probably want to spend a small eternity with Zhuo Yichen or Wen Xiao (or more likely both) and that could be a whole new adventure for them.

I sacrificed my night's sleep for this, no regrets whatsoever XD Not nearly enough kittens in the world to heal after this, though. But the show is so-so good.