#YES THAT INCLUDES A CISGENDER HETEROSEXUAL AROMANTIC MAN

[aluria-sevhex]

why the fuck are we having a-spec discourse in 2023

[i-love-my-trans-body]

So would a cisgender heterosexual aromantic man be LGBTQ+?

Yes, 100%!

Queerness is not conditional. If someone falls outside of the norms of gender or sexuality, they count as LGBTQ+ 🌈

(Although, not everyone that falls under such an umbrella will identify with the wider term. Some nonbinary people don’t identify as trans, some gay people don’t identify as queer- And that’s ok! It’s a highly personal thing. But by definition, they are included in the label and community 🫂)

[spookygalpal]

i think this isn't a fair equivalence. the acronym 'LGBTQIA+' describes a population/demography. there is no reason to include heterosexual, cisgender, and dyadic (aka, not intersex) people under an umbrella that describes sexual and gender minorities even if they support us.

A stands for aromantic, asexual, and agender. i also came of age/was a teen during the years you mentioned, and even in my high school GSA, a common refrain was "A = ace/aro" (agender or any trans identities weren't really talked about at all in my community at the time).

but that's why it was a GSA: gay straight alliance. it was a physical space / community that actively included allies - many of whom, like myself, attended thinking we were 'straight' but really looking to explore our sexuality/gender. and yes, i also did day of silence as an 'ally'. but that's because it was an event put on by the GSA, not because i was an (out) part of the 'LGBTQIA' community.

i think the same thing goes for bars, pride parades, meet-ups, clubs, etc... you have to welcome 'allies' into your space who may not be out yet for whatever reason (and also sometimes to support their out friend/family member/partner). allies should be welcome to join us (as long as they're behaving respectfully, unlike that straight woman who invited a predatory straight man to the cubbyhole in NYC because 'her lesbian friend invited her first'). you never know who is an 'ally' or who is actively exploring what it means to be LGBTQIA+, so we should always include them in our communities.

but as part of our demographic label? no way.

and if this doesn't drive the point home to you, do you think 'allies' should be able to mark that they are 'LGBT' on demographic information for colleges and universities? for workplace / federal diversity surveys? for eligibility for grants and scholarships? when they fill out medical questionnaires? because i don't. and that's what that terminology is used for - describing our population. while they don't ask that information on the US census, the government and other bodies still have done surveys to assess the 'LGBT' population to see how we are growing/changing over time and allocate resources towards us. in no way should cis/straight/dyadic people be included in our demography for being a decent human - because then ideally 100% of the population would be 'LGBTQIA+'.

The A in LGBTQIA+ stands for aromantic, asexual and agender. It will never stand for ally. Being an ally should be basic human decency. You don’t get a gold star for being one.

[purplexiasphinx]

Sometimes I Feel Like Throwing Rocks

[clocks-are-round]

Pride Month PSA

Disclaimer: the PSAs are known for their lack of tact, misinformation, and ridiculous bad advice. Unfortunately, I was unable to wholeheartedly and fully mimic their style due to there already being so much misinformation out there about the queer community and also I really like informing people who are curious about queer topics. So it’s an RvB PSA that’s actually fairly informative, with only a tiny amount of bad advice sprinkled in. With that in mind, enjoy!

----

Donut: I’m Franklin Delano Donut from popular webseries Red vs Blue.

Kai: And I’m Kaikaina Grif! Oh, and yeah, I’m from the thing too.

Donut: Today we’re talking about Pride month! Also known in some circles as ‘June’.

Kai: As the resident loud n proud bi gal, I was asked to host this PSA!

Donut: I was also asked, for some reason.

Kai: Aren’t you gay though?

Donut: I mean, I am, but I didn’t realize I ever told you guys!

*camera pans over to Grif, at a distance*

Grif: Really?

Kai: Oh, shut up, Dex. You and Simmons were supposed to present this.

Simmons: *shouts from offscreen* I’m not gonna talk about gay stuff!

Grif: *shouts walking offscreen* For fuck’s sake! We’re married, you dumbass!

*camera is back to Donut and Kai*

Kai: Where were we? Right! Pride!

Donut: Pride month is a month where queer people, also known as lgbt-and a bunch of other letters, remind the world that we exist and celebrate it with lots of rainbows and flags!

Kai: There’s even a bitchin parade! It’s fuckin great!

Donut: Doc here says he’s also part of the queer community!

*pans out to include Doc in frame*

Doc: Yep, I’m aromantic and asexual.

Donut: I’m a romantic too, Doc! And I know Kai here is a self-proclaimed sexual.

Kai: Hell yes I am!

Doc: No, aromantic and asexual. Both are one word. It means I don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction. To anyone.

Kai: *to viewer* If you don’t understand someone’s identity, it’s extremely validating to ask loads of personal questions about it! I once spent an hour explaining the similarities and differences between sex with men and women to someone in super intimate detail! It was great!

Donut: *to Doc* I mean it kinda sounds like maybe you haven’t found the right person yet. I know my Prince Charming is out there somewhere!

Kai: Which is ridiculous, there’s like LOADS of hotties in the universe. I thought you were banging the pink one.

Donut: Wh-

Doc: Look, us aroaces have flags and everything. I’m not the only one. And I’m as sure about my identity as you two are about yours. There’s nothing more for me to say, really.

Kai: But like- have you TRIED sex?

Doc: *irritated* Screw you guys, I’m gonna go eat some cake.

Donut: Oh, I love eating cake! I’ll let you eat mine if I can try some of yours! I hope you can handle it though; it’s pretty thick!

Doc: *clearly just DONE* …yeah, I’m gonna go.

*next scene*

Kai: Here we have a cishet.

Tucker: The fuck did you just call me?

Donut: Cishets can be hostile when you call them what they are, especially if they don’t know what it means.

Tucker: Seriously, what does that mean. Is it an insult? Wait, does it mean I’m hot and single, because if so *to viewer* I am super cishet, ladies!

Kai: Cishet is short for cisgender heterosexual. Basically, a not queer person.

Tucker: Oh. Yeah, I’m that too.

Donut: When a cishet is supportive of queer people, we call that being an ally!

Tucker: I’m also that. Man, I should put all these on my resume. Or at least my dating profile. I already put a few things on there but I don’t know if it’s attracting the right people. 

Kai: Lemme look— You’re heteroflexible?

Tucker: Yeah- That does mean I’m straight and good at sex, right? 

Kai: Noo

Tucker: Man, is that why guys keep DMing me?

Donut: Yeah, you should probably change that. And maybe clear things up with Wash. He thinks you’re dating.

Tucker: What? *mild panic* I thought he was jok--

*next scene. Kai and Donut are with Sarge*

Donut: You might have someone in your life who’s “in the closet”. This means they’re queer but haven’t told people.

Kai: Sometimes they might not even realize it themself because they’ve been in denial for so long. Like, really long.

*dead silence for like three seconds*

Sarge: What’s this about now?

Donut: Sarge, is there something you’d like to tell us?

Sarge: Well, now that you mention it, I’m not too thrilled about the rainbow glitter all over red base. You could’ve at least mixed in some extra red! Then those dirty blue specks would be outnumbered a thousand to one! Heheh. *clears throat* Old habits.

Kai: No, like, Donut’s gay, I’m bi… What’re you? Pan, bi?

Sarge: What are these, some new sort of internet lingo? You kids can keep your code words. I’ll just stick to being Sarge.

Kai: *to viewer* Sometimes old people have different words to describe themselves and don’t use the same words everyone else does even though it would be WAY easier for us to understand if they did. Like, I met this sexy older lady once, and she called herself transsexual but like nowadays people usually say transgender.

Donut: But really, whether someone identifies as a pink or lightish red, what’s most important is that the person they’re talking to knows what they mean.

*next scene*

Donut: While gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transfolk are the most well-known groups, there are plenty of others who are less visible.

Locus: *appears* For example--

*Kai and Donut scream simultaneously*

*a beat of silence*

Locus: For example, non-binary trans people, polyamorous people, and people under the aromantic and asexual umbrellas.

Donut: What do you identify as, Locus?

Locus: ...I said my line. *disappears again*

Kai: You can mysteriously appear in my bedroom anytime!

Donut: Some people prefer not to put labels on themselves at all, and that’s ok too! But what’s important is if they do identify as something, whatever it is, you make sure to respect it.

Kai: Unless they say they’re MAPs. They’re not part of the queer community. Never have been, never will be, Y’ALL ARE FREAKS, YOU HEAR ME?!

Donut: At the end of the day, *camera begins panning out* we may be a minority, but there’s more of us than you think. 

*camera stops panning out now that all the reds and blues are visible, each holding different pride flags*

Donut: And we’re not going anywhere.

everyone: Happy Pride!

Caboose: Happy birthday! Wait, no, we have to do it again you guys did it wrong.

*end*

———

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[writing-with-olive]

A few tropes to avoid: LGBT addition

Note that this is not a complete list, but rather some tropes that I tend to see a lot that are tiring if not downright offensive and hurtful. This turned out to be a very long post, so most of it ended up below the cut. Press J to skip.

Gay/Lesbian

[id: two flags. The one on the top is the lesbian pride flag. The one on the bottom is the gay pride flag /end id]

Anything hypersexualizing

It’s just... not good representation. No one likes to be hypersexualized. Ever. 

The one gay/lesbian in the heterosexual friend group

This tends to come across as tokenism. Not real representation. Also, people tend to be friends with people they connect with. This is why a lot of LGBT people form groups. It’s actually far more likely in the real world for there to be a gay friend group with one straight person.

The homosexual dies first

Yay there’s a gay/lesbian person! Representation! oh... they died five minutes in? That sucks. 

Look, if there’s a lot of death happening in your story, it’s fine if a gay person dies, but please stop making the first death a gay person. And if you decide to kill of a gay person, make sure it’s not the only one.

The gay that refuses to admit he’s gay but he’s super feminine so he has to be

Femininity does not equal being gay. I’m not entirely sure where this trope (and general misconception) came from, but it’s tiring to see it getting beaten into the ground

Femininity is fine as a trait, but it should not be the tell that a character’s gay. Finding other dudes attractive or being attracted to other dudes should be the main tell.

(Bi/pan, Trans, Nonbinary, Genderflux/genderfluid, Ace/aro all below the cut)

Bi/Pan

[id: two pride flags. The one on the top is the pansexual pride flag. The one on the bottom is the bisexual pride flag /end id]

Anything hypersexualizing

See above. I’m tired of it. It’s not good representation.

The bi/pan character is a cheater

Bi/pan people aren’t any more likely to cheat than anyone else. The fact that the general pool of people bi/pan people are attracted to is larger doesn’t really change that. Please don’t make your bi/pan character a cheater.

The ��no this character is with a [guy/girl] now so that means they’re [straight/gay] not bi”

This is bi erasure. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a dude. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a girl. Bi/pan people are still bi/pan when they’re dating a nonbinary person. Period.

The “this character can’t be bi/pan - they’ve only slept with one gender/they’re a virgin”

Being bi/pan is about being attracted to people of two or more genders/being attracted to people regardless of gender. It doesn’t matter who they’ve slept with. If they’re bi/pan, they find more than one gender attractive.

Trans

[id: the trans pride flag /end id]

“Hi I’m John, but I used to be Jane.”

In no world is this realistic. Trans people are not going to introduce themselves to anyone by using their deadname (their name given at birth that no longer applies to them). There are lots of other ways to show a character is trans.

Trans dudes have to be hypermasculine, and trans girls have to be hyperfeminine

This is just untrue... being a more affeminate trans dude doesn’t make him any less of a man. Being a more masculine trans woman doesn’t mean she’s any less of a woman. Not conforming to the most stereotyped version of their gender does not mean they’re not a valid person

“He - she - did the thing” when referring to a trans woman and vice versa for a trans man in prose.

I specify in prose because if someone has just come out, and characters are tripping up over pronouns but trying to learn and correct themselves, then that’s usually fine (though make sure to research what’s acceptable around this and what isn’t).

The whole calling attention to someone’s pronouns by misgendering someone and then flamboyantly correcting yourself when they’re trans thing can actually be kind of transphobic. When you’re writing prose, you don’t have any excuse so don’t do this.

The trans guy finding a bunch of ace bandages (or something similar) and using them to bind his chest

Yes, this is realistic. Yes, a lot of people do this, but it is an extremely unsafe way to bind. If your character binds, do your research. If they bind unsafely then SHOW THE NEGATIVE RESULTS of binding unsafely (difficulty breathing, cracked ribs, spinal problems, etc) they can be pretty severe. A lot of people don’t know how to bind and take cues from what they see in the media. Don’t perpetuate false information.

Nonbinary

[id: the nonbinary pride flag. /end id]

The nonbinary character has to be flatchested and vaguely masculine in order to be nonbinary

Nonbinary people are still nonbinary when they’re feminine. Nonbinary people are still nonbinary when they’re masculine. Please reflect this in your stories, as people take cues for how society works based off of the cumulation of the media they recieve.

Misgendering during an argument

This is actually really damaging to nonbinary people. What happens is that people see that it’s okay to misgender someone if they’re mad, when in reality, pronouns are a right, not a privilage to be stripped away whenever you get mad. If you were really mad at your country’s leader, you wouldn’t misgender them when you rant. You can hate them with all of your being and you probably still wouldn’t misgender them. Why is it any different with nonbinary people?

All the nonbinary people were AFAB (assigned female at birth)

It’s not inherantly wrong to have AFAB nonbinary folk in your story, but it is nice to see AMAB (assigned male at birth) nonbinary characters as well. There’s a lot less representation for them, so the more representation the better.

Being nonbinary is a phase - you’re actually binary trans or cisgender

Some people identify as nonbinary and do later find out that they identify more with a binary gender, but there’s also a lot of people who are just... nonbinary. It’s hugely dissapointing when a character that’s meant to be representation turns out to actually not be. Especially if they were the only nonbinary character.

Genderfluid/Genderflux

[id: two flags. the one on the top the genderfluid pride flag, and the one on the bottom is the genderflux pride flag /end id]

The one character in the background who’s genderfluid/genderflux in chapter three and then never seen ever again

Just include a genderfluid/genderflux character that’s actually relevant. It’s not that hard, and it’s really not that confusing. Their gender changes sometimes. They might switch their pronouns accordingly. 

The genderfluid character who’s short, vaguely masculine and has brightly died hair.

This one isn’t exactly offensive, per se, but it does feel like this is the only representation of a genderfluid character that I ever see, and that my friends ever see. Diversity is more than just having people who use different labels. It’s also about showing the different walks of life within those groups. There are a lot of genderfluid/flux people who don’t look like the stereotypical genderfluid/flux person, and they deserve representation just as much as everyone else.

The genderfluid character is the alien

This is a cop-out. It’s fine if you’ve got a race of genderfluid/flux aliens. Awesome, actually! Just add a genderfluid/genderflux human character too.

The genderfluid person who wakes up in the morning and “decides” if they’re going to be a boy or a girl today.

There are a couple things wrong with this. The first is that genderfluid people don’t just “decide” which gender they are. Their gender is more of it’s own entity. There’s not much of a choice with it. It just is.

From my own experience I can assure you that genderfluid people don’t just wake up in the morning with a random gender and then that’s their gender for the day. For me personally, my gender will change somewhere between once every three hours and once every three days, but it’s surprisingly rare that it’s overnight. It can even happen in the middle of conversations and stuff like that.

Genderfluid people don’t just switch between being a boy and being a girl. There’s a lot of space in between: nonbinary, maverique, agender, just to name a few.

Ace/Aro

[id: two pride flags. The one on top is an aromatic pride flag, and the bottom is an asexual pride flag. /end id]

The character’s horrible backstory turned them ace/aro

This is not to negate the fact that some people do identify as ace/aro after a traumatic event. That being said, most ace/aro people are just...ace or aro. There wasn’t any backstory. That’s just the way they are. Seeing that a lot more represented would be awesome.

The character’s got a mental illness because they’re ace/aro

Being ace/aro does not mean you have a mental illness. The idea that it does being spread through the media people consume is very harmful and it increases the stigma around being ace/aro, in a place where there really shouldn’t be. Yes you can have a mental illness and be ace/aro, but they’re not usually correlated.

The ace character can’t be ace because look they’ve got a partner!

Ace is short for asexual meaning you don’t feel any sexual attraction. That does not mean you can’t feel any romantic attraction. Therefore, your character can be hella ace and still have a partner that they’re romantically attracted to

If your character was aroace (a term that’s short for aromantic asexual), then they probably wouldn’t be interested in having a partner.

The character who’s aro/ace but then “finds the right person” right at the end

If they’re demisexual/demiromantic, then that’s different, but it does make it feel like the “flaw they were overcoming” was being ace/aro, and that’s both damaging to the community, and it’s also just dissapointing. There are a whole host of other flaws that your character could have that are much more worth the reader’s time.

[kittleimp]

i'm sorry, does this include cisgender, heterosexual aces?

That would be cisgender heteroromantic aces, or cisgender heterosexual aros, but yes. Absolutely. They're asexual or aromantic, that in and of itself makes them part of the LGBT+ community.

The lack of attraction has just as much influence and impact as any other non-hetero attraction. It can cause much of the same trauma that other non-hetero orientations can. It can also be mistaken for other non-hetero identities at first, as knowledge and identities develop. In fact, it is in nearly every way similar to other non-hetero identities except in one: it doesn't "look" LGBT+. But neither does a bisexual man dating a transgender woman. Or a pansexual woman dating a bisexual man.

Again, if you have an honest question or concern, please feel free to message me or send an ask. I have done plenty of research into this topic and I'm happy to help teach others.

[aro-culture-is]

It's that time of year again- pride is coming up and I've already gotten some acephobic dogwhistles crossing my dash.

Below is a list of specifically aphobic dogwhistles that I'll update as I spot them or if you guys suggest them:

Before I begin, a definition of dogwhistles:

“Dog-whistle politics is political messaging employing coded language that appears to mean one thing to the general population but has an additional, different, or more specific resonance for a targeted subgroup. The analogy is to a dog whistle, the ultrasonic tone of which is heard by dogs but inaudible to humans.” - Wikipedia

Not everyone who uses these phrases is intending to have that additional, different, or more specific resonance for aspec people, but if I bold the item, it doesn’t have an okay meaning.

"PDA IS ALLOWED AT PRIDE!1!1!!11" - While a number of ace and aro folx (among others such as trauma survivors) do find that PDA can be triggering or a squick, I've never seen someone legitimately claim that PDA shouldn’t be allowed at pride, as these aphobes insist. Every time I've seen this sort of claim cross my dash, there's 2 things I find to be true: the original blog is acephobic (or a 13 year old and that does tend to be a pretty dumb age due to brain reasons) and there's a legitimate and oftentimes decent conversation by people in the notes about making sure that PDA during daytime events is nonsexual so that minors are safe. That discussion is ok, So are counter arguments. But, PLEASE recognize that emphatic declarations like above are a dogwhistle.

“I support LGBT aces/aros!” - yikes. So, the basic idea here is that this person believes that being ace/aro is a modification of being straight rather than a sexuality or romantic orientation or that same-sex attraction is necessary to be LGBT(Q+) which tends to be completely and immediately contradicted by a generic “but trans people are ok” or just a total LGB or even LG only. They do not actually support aspec people. They support only the letters they claim to support at best. (thanks to @clownpieceoffreedom for suggesting this addition!)

“A is for allies!!!” - not sure how much detail I need here if you’re on my page, but honestly... basically, people who say this fall into 2 main camps: 1) ignorant but trying, and haven’t yet learned enough to know that A is for asexual, aromantic, and agender folx, and 2) the asshats who know that and consider all of those identities invalid. Generally speaking, assume ignorance and evaluate the speaker via searching them, speaking with them, or other methods. 

url including “allo” (especially as “dirty/sex -allo”), “aphobic”, “-course” referencing discourse - this one is subtle, but usually a quick glance at their blog reveals their true nature. Many if not most are frankly speaking, awful and aphobic. If they are of that ilk, you’ll probably find no less than five dogwhistles on the first page. However, some aspec people have claimed these urls because their are alloromantic or allosexual and it is a term for them, among other reasons, so I would advise checking before you reach for the block button. see the section on allo/dirty for why those in particular are included.

“asexuality/aces are homophobic” - this might just be implied but I also recently made a blocklist based around a post that literally referred to aspecs as “ homophobic ace tumblr” because they believe one of the following: 1) that sex-repulsion and romance-repulsion are always referring to seeing same-sex attraction, commonly used in reference to PDA at pride while insisting that aspec people who don’t want to see romantic or sexual situations are telling them not to be gay in public. usually, the aspecs in question were just... talking about romo or sex repulsion and how they handle it because they don’t want to do that. 2) one I can’t fully wrap my head around: aces are homophobic because some gay people will identify as asexual to avoid acknowledging their gay feelings. like... bud. internalized homophobia is a bitch but it’s yours. we welcome you for as long as you’d like to stay, and if you realize that you aren’t aspec, you can feel free to hold onto it for as long as you’d like, but ultimately confronting your feelings is your business. we won’t tell you what to do as a community. if it’s homophobic to respect your feelings and allow you to decide if and when you, a random online stranger, confront your feelings, then it was aphobia when you didn’t tell me likewise to confront my internalized aphobia when I thought I was gay because I knew I wasn’t into the people I was “supposed” to be. you had no way of knowing that and neither do we.

“allo” “dirtyallo” “dirty” etc as a self description particularly with a mocking tone - for some reason a lot of allo people think allo is a poorly made slur of some sort or lumps them in with their oppressors. idk man. they think that it’s clever to use it preemptively or something. I’m not sure but I think that they think our experiences are mocking theirs somehow. it gives me the same vibes as like, those people who insist that political correctness is ruining everything. they don’t know or care to know what the term means so they decide it must be secretly insulting them. insert “i am smart” memes here.

“cishet” - ah, yes, the biggest and most annoying dogwhistle of them all. coopted by exlusionists in which they actually mean “cisgender heteroromantic aces” or more rarely “cisgender heterosexual aros” and usually makes a big point about how “cishets” are awful people who should never be allowed at pride related events etc. typically used in a way that normal blogs have no idea. this is probably the most effective aphobic dogwhistle. as for why it’s bad, see “I support LGBT ace/aros!” above.

pride collections (such as edits of a popular character with pride flags behind them) without asexual/aromantic flags, specifically ones with only LGBT flags - I totally get that not every artist is gonna make edits for every queer identity they know, but I’ve seen enough of these lead back to aphobes that I’m including it regardless. If you don’t see an identity, especially one of the Big Ones... check it out. Do a search. If you aren’t sure what I’m including, here’s an off the top of my head list, contact me for additions b/c I don’t double check what I type enough. Common: lesbian, gay, bi, pan, queer, asexual, nonbinary, trans; less common but still possibly a sign: aromantic, demi -romantic or -sexual, agender, intersex, newer variations of lesbian flags that have significant support.

[tumblingclockwork]

Happy Pride Month! Here’s a quick reminder:

IF YOU ARE CISGENDER: STAY OUT OF TRANS ARGUMENTS! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL SOMEONE WHO THEY CAN AND CANNOT BE! THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE WITHOUT PHYSICAL DISPHORIA! PEOPLE WITH MOGAI GENDERS! PEOPLE WHO DONT IDENTIFY AS MAN OR WOMAN! WOMEN WHO USE “HE-HIM” OR “THEY-THEM”! MEN WHO USE “SHE-HER” OR “THEY-THEM”!

IF YOU ARE HETEROSEXUAL AND HETEROMANTIC: STAY OUT OF LGBQ+ ARGUMENTS! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY WHO SOMEONE CAN/CANNOT LOVE! THIS INCLUDES TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE ASEXUAL/AROMANTIC, PEOPLE WHO ARE BISEXUAL/PANSEXUAL, AND PEOPLE WHO ARE POLY

IF YOU ARE A CISHET DO NOT TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY CAN AND CAN NOT IDENTIFY AS! THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE WHO ARENT MEN OR WOMEN BUT USE GENDERED SEXUALITIES, THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE WHO ARENT MEN OR WOMEN BUT LEAN TOWARDS ONE GENDER MORE THAN THE OTHER, AND THIS INCLUDES PEOPLE WHO DONT WANT TO BE CALLED QUEER!

IF YOU ARE CISGENDER YOU DO NOT “know what it’s like to be trans”

IF YOU ARE HETEROSEXUAL AND HETEROMANTIC YOU DO NOT “know what it’s like to be LGBQ+”

I DONT CARE HOW MUCH “research” YOU DID! YOU ARE MAKING DECISIONS THAT AFFECT US AND NOT YOU! AND THAT ISNT FAIR!

And to all my lovely friends in the LGBTQ+ Community. If you see a cishet talk about these topics, tell them it’s not ok. Even if you agree with their points, tell them it’s none of their business.

This is not a reflection of my personal beliefs. If a Cishet says something that I agree with, I’ll still ask them to stay out of it.

It’s not that hard to just. Stay out of things.

IF YOU TRY TO CONTROL US

YOU ARENT AN ALLY

[if I forgot something that cishets should stay the fuck out of, please let me know]

AND YES THIS ENCLUDES LGBQ+ PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE AND TRANS PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT LGBQ+ PEOPLE

CISHETS CAN REBLOG BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU CANNOT ADD ANYTHING TO THIS POST!

[dear-indies]

I'm really nervous to send this but is there a master list or blog for understanding more of the sexuality and genders? I only know very little and I'm not sure who/what to trust and I'd like to expand my characters and my personal knowledge on the matter.

DISCLAIMER: some terms / interpretations differ between individuals! Of course please note this is NOT a comprehensive list - it’s a work in progress! Feel free to message us links / information / blogs you’d like to see added. I’ve asked several people to read over this but that still doesn’t mean there aren’t any mistakes - please instant message any you find! 

PRO TIP: Remember, Google and Youtube are your friends! When we encounter an identity we’re not familiar with we read informative pages but also watch videos of individuals talking about their experiences.

Also we’ve mentioned this at the bottom but Queer Kid Stuff is aimed at children but the information is important and accurate nonetheless! 

General masterlists and websites:

http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Wiki

https://heterosexualisnotadefault.tumblr.com/

Comprehensive* List of LGBTQ+ Vocabulary Definition

Vocabulary Extravaganza 3.0 by thesafezoneproject

Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Glossary of Terms by wearefamilycharleston

The ABC’s of LGBT by Ash Hardell

UMBRELLAS!

Queer -  an umbrella term for sexual and gender minorities who are not heterosexual and/or not cisgender.

Queer by Wikipedia

Being Queer Means… by huffingtonpost

What Does “Queer” Mean? by bustle

Gay - is a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual.

Non-binary - describes any gender identity which does not fit the male and female binary. Sometimes used to describe a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍ identities which are thus outside the gender binary and cisnormativity.

GENDERS - yes, there are more than two! 

Gender binary by wikipedia

Understanding Gender by genderspectrum

Every Sex & Gender Term Explained by Science Plus

Glossary of gender identities by telegraph

Every Gender (Part 1) by Ash Hardell

Sexual Orientations by identitiesandorientations

Romantic Orientationsby identitiesandorientations

The Gender Tag: Celebrating 600+ videos by Ashley Wylde

Gender FAQ ~ There’s more than two genders! by Jude Karda

Pronouns - a pronoun is a word that refers to either the people talking (I or you) or someone or something that is being talked about (like she, it, them, and this). Gender pronouns (he/she/they/ze etc.) specifically refer to people that you are talking about.

Pronouns by uwm

Pronouns by lgbtqia

List of pronouns by askanonbinary

All About PRONOUNS! by Ash Hardell

Cis - whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth.

Cisgender by Wikipedia 

Trans - whose sense of personal identity and gender does not correspond with their birth sex.

What does “transgender” mean? by genderqueerid

T is for TRANS! - Transgenderby Queer Kid Stuff

Things Not To Say To A Trans Person by BBC

Transgender identities by wikipedia

Trans men:

https://www.youtube.com/user/SupraMan38

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheRealJazzBertie

https://www.youtube.com/user/partar400

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfp3V2aOd-kPT8RgbpMpc8w

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCynD_dwfoDrFXnh2Da79lLQ

https://www.youtube.com/user/k7puppy

https://www.youtube.com/user/uppercaseCHASE1

https://www.youtube.com/user/AmandasChronicles

Trans ladies:

https://www.youtube.com/user/TransDIYer

https://www.youtube.com/user/princessjoules

https://www.youtube.com/user/DiamondForever15

https://www.youtube.com/user/ThePrinceSane

https://www.youtube.com/user/GregoryGORGEOUS

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9GEEfMbXOXJV9SGsFN2_iQ

https://www.youtube.com/user/samproductions516

Trans multi-gender:

https://www.youtube.com/user/mykkiblanco

Trans non-binary:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1CzkMjUi_0oKWk7RxpZOPg

Non-binary - describes any gender identity which does not fit the male and female binary. Sometimes used to describe a catch-all category for gender identities that are not exclusively masculine or feminine‍ identities which are thus outside the gender binary and cisnormativity. 

Non-binary by gender.wikia 

Things Not To Say To A Non-Binary Person by BBC

http://nonbinaryresource.tumblr.com/

http://askanonbinary.tumblr.com/

http://thenonbinary.tumblr.com/

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/user/RolyUnGashaaHD

https://www.youtube.com/user/realisticallysaying

https://www.youtube.com/user/MilesJaiProductions - gender non-conforming.

https://www.youtube.com/user/HeyThere005

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqy6OohW1TPOC_YXnt06GiA

https://www.youtube.com/user/AshleysWyldeLife

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1CzkMjUi_0oKWk7RxpZOPg - trans non-binary

Genderqueer - is an umbrella term with a similar meaning to non-binary. It can be used to describe any gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary.

What is “Genderqueer”? by genderqueerid

Genderqueer by gender.wikia

Demigender - is an umbrella term for nonbinary gender identities that have a partial connection to a certain gender. This includes the partly female identity demigirl, and the partly male identity demiboy. There are other partial genders using the “demi-” prefix for the same reasons. For example, deminonbinary, demifluid, demiflux, and so on.

Demigender by nonbinary.miraheze

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiHCBp1UsaOEN4CYOINL4Pw

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSoQXChg13AKuwbWp_R1gwA - also asexual! 

Agender - is a term which can be literally translated as ‘without gender’.

Agender by gender.wikia

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/user/xCaligoBastetx

https://www.youtube.com/user/shamir326

Greygender - a person who identifies as (at least partially) outside the gender binary and has a strong natural ambivalence about their gender identity or gender expression.

Greygender by gender.wikia

What is Greygender? by Ash Hardell

Gender-fluid - is a gender identity which refers to a gender which varies over time.

Gender Fluid by gender.wikia 

What is Genderfluidity? by Seadresa

http://genderfluidity.tumblr.com/

http://genderfluidsupport.tumblr.com/

Youtubers / famous individuals:

https://www.youtube.com/user/Seadresa

https://www.youtube.com/user/officialrubyrose

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheRealAngelHaze

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/intersex-activist-hida-viloria-on-being-born-both-w472894 - intersex genderfluid - he/r!

http://www.refinery29.com/2015/10/95263/gender-fluid-model-seth-atwell-interview - genderfluid trans! 

Intersex - Intersex people are born with sex characteristics that do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies.

Intersex by Wikipedia 

What is Intersex? by ISnA

What It’s Like To Be Intersex by Boldly 

What it Means to be Intersex with Emily Quinn by POPSUGAR

I is for INTERSEX! (ft. Claudia Astorino) by Queer Kid Stuff

Youtubers / famous individuals:

https://www.youtube.com/user/pidgejen

https://www.youtube.com/user/Emilord

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfOXuVmwNAx-GFxb0wMBzRw

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/intersex-activist-hida-viloria-on-being-born-both-w472894 - intersex genderfluid - he/r! 

Two-Spirit - used by some indigenous North Americans to describe certain people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender (or other gender-variant) role in their cultures.

Two-spirit by Wikipedia

Being Two Spirit: A Brief Explainer by Fusion 

As They Are: Two-Spirit People in the Modern World by Indigenous Welnesss Research Institute

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKy-KyacyTRnpVyJSUnYSHQ

ORIENTATION & ATTRACTION:

Orientation by wiki.asexuality

Sexual vs Romantic Attraction + Cross Orientation by HeyoDamo

Lesbian - a female who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other females.

L is for Lesbian! by Queer Kid Stuff

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/user/MaryLambertVEVO

https://www.youtube.com/user/GregoryGORGEOUS - trans! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADpVa1Vfqp0

Gay -  a man who experiences romantic love or sexual attraction to other men, also used as a term that primarily refers to a homosexual person or the trait of being homosexual.

What Does GAY Mean?!? by Queer Kid Stuff

Youtubers - gay men: 

https://www.youtube.com/user/TroyeSivan18

https://www.youtube.com/user/joeygraceffa

Youtubers - gay gender non-conforming!

https://www.youtube.com/user/MilesJaiProductions

Bisexual - is romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior towards two biological sexes or genders, and may also encompass romantic or sexual attraction to people of any gender, which is sometimes termed pansexuality or omnisexuality.

Bisexuality by Wikipedia 

Bisexuality by sexuality, wikia

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoJQafFd9es78EhaqXl4WNA

https://www.youtube.com/user/TheRoxetera - Roseanne Spaughton

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU43ycQOMjUUNVEzyNJoPsw

Pansexual - romantic or sexual attraction to people regardless of sex or gender. Derived from the Greek prefix pan meaning “all”.

What Is Pansexuality? by stop-homophobia

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiHCBp1UsaOEN4CYOINL4Pw

Asexual - asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.

Masterlist by gayagendarph

Everything ASEXUAL and AROMANTIC (Part 1) by Ash Hardell

Ace And Aro People in Relationships!by Ash Hardell

Asexual Spectrum by identitiesandorientations

DIFFERENT TYPES OF ASEXUALITY | Greysexual / Demisexual by HeyoDamo

Youtubers:

https://www.youtube.com/user/McKaelinn

https://www.youtube.com/user/PICKLEandBANANA

Abrosexual - defined as a “fluent” sexuality in that that the sexuality is always/frequently changing, usually between the same sexualities.

Abrosexual by abrosexuality

VIDEOS

Ash Hardell‘s videos:

The ABC’s of LGBT 

Everything ASEXUAL and AROMANTIC (Part 1)

Every Gender (Part 1)

Got Gender Queer-ies? (Part 2) 

WHY I DRESS LIKE A BOY (an androgynous tale)

Androsexuality and other Orientations YOU haven’t heard of…

What are MTM and FTF???

What is Greygender?

Queer Kid Stuff’s videos - made for kids but nonetheless informative! 

Learning Our LGBTs! 

What Does GAY Mean?!? 

What Does GAY Mean?!? Reboot

A is for ASEXUAL! (ft. Elisa Hansen) 

L is for Lesbian!

I is for INTERSEX! (ft. Claudia Astorino) 

HE, SHE, and THEY?!?

T is for TRANS! - Transgender

[sabertoothwalrus]

some Thoughts about the ace discourse

I can get behind the idea that only sga and non-cis people should be lgbtq. If this is a clear majority opinion (including the opinions of everyone outside of tumblr as well) I will absolutely back off. I do not need to force myself into a space that does not belong to me.

Another note, what even IS the consensus on what the exclusionist argument is

is it “no cishets” period or is it “only sga and non-cis people”

because if it’s “only CISHET aces that aren’t allowed, anyone else is fine”  then I, a non-het ace, would count.

but I am aromantic so if it’s only sga people then I wouldn’t??? so which is it???

also: even thought I am aroace I still really really want kids and I really really want to get married

I WANT to like girls. I WANT to have crushes and fall in love. I just CAN’T.

I plan to get married anyway?? and it doesn’t matter to me if they’re a woman???

someday I might experience an exception to my aro or ace-ness, and it could be to a girl. But even then I’d still say I’m aroace just because it reflects most of life. 

So I’d hypothetically be an aroace person that HAS experienced sga (similar-gender attraction)

I don’t know how any of this could factor into my  “counting”

this sga attraction thing feels very conditional to me and seems like it could also negatively affect bi or pan people

I sort of get the idea that “we don’t want our oppressors in our spaces”, but that also gets complicated if you think about it too much, simply because of intersectionality

like, with that logic ANYONE that can be oppressive shouldn’t be allowed? ex) men, cis people, white people, christians, abled people, etc

with that logic, All Cis Lesbians should be excluded because some of them are terfs, which is. Absurd and Wrong???

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I have seen some ace people that have said some pretty fucked up shit and I’m not in any way excusing them for that. That kind of behavior is not acceptable.

I figure that intersectionality within the lgbtq should be addressed, more than it already is, considering a cis white gay man is going to have very different experiences than a Black trans pansexual woman

it also rubs me wrong how, even by excusionists, it’s pretty acknowledged that it’s not uncommon for lgbtq people identify as ace before they identify as something lgbtq, because they could be unpacking some internalized homophobia which might be preventing them from realizing they’re lgbtq

and what bothers me is that up until that realization! these questioning ace people are faced with an unwelcoming atmosphere that might put a hault to any romantic/sexual discovery they could have had. because why would they want to be a part of a group that was previously very adamant about their exclusion

It just seems much, much simpler to me if the qualification for being lgbtq was just “you have any deviation from being cis, heteroromantic, and/or heterosexual” or “you are any marginalized gender, romantic, and/or sexual orientation”

because when it comes down to it, aromantic and asexual people are undoubtedly marginalized. Maybe not oppressed, but marginalized.

partly because so many people don’t even know what aromantic or asexual fucking is (hint: it’s not sex-repulsion or celibacy)

sidenote: this is a request to not trivialize the separation of romantic and sexual orientations. For the longest time I didn’t even identify as asexual because it didn’t address my lack of crushes, so once I learned what aromantic was I finally felt so at home. I didn’t even identify as asexual until a bit later. The separation might not be necessary for someone who’s just “gay”, but it was really important to me.

(and in regards to that, yes, a cisgender heteroromatic ace would be a “cishet ace” and straight, like how a gay asexual person would still be gay. I just feel like them being ace is a deviation from heterosexual and therefore lgbt. it’s weird and complicated, and the fact that this could mean someone straight is also lgbt does make me feel weird, but I need to be consistent with my own logic)

sidenote 2: please, no one say allosexual when referring to the opposite of ace. just say non-ace.

[nonmonogamama-blog]

My Non-Monogamous Origin Story

I have anxiety. It arrived with the birth of my firstborn as an unpleasant postpartum present and it's never left. My anxiety tends to chill out on a beanbag in my brain most of the time these days, but now and then it starts jumping around excitedly like hyped-up toddler and consumes all of my energy. It can be crushing, it can be brutal, and it can surprise me with the things it decides to freak out about.

After 6 years of blissful marriage and two children, my husband and I began to learn something about ourselves. We were both inclined towards non-monogamy. Now to someone unfamiliar with this term and its implications, that would sound like we enjoyed cheating and sleeping around. Not true. Well, not quite. The thing is, my husband and I did like sleeping around - together in a way that was 100% consensual for all parties involved. We enjoyed our share of three and foursomes and considered it all good fun. The  tricky part was that I was becoming somewhat emotionally involved with another man that we had never been intimate with.

I know, I know, there are alarm bells going in your head right now. Doesn't this mean you're having an emotional affair?! you're asking me, eyebrows raised and skeptical. Well, yes, that's pretty much what was happening. I felt a love connection, if you will, with someone other than my husband - in addition to my husband. The problem was, I didn't want to upset my husband by mentioning it... I was also in a lot of denial about my own emotions too. Why?

Because you can't feel love towards more than one person at a time. Duh.

So is this when anxiety hopped from its lounging state to send my heart rate racing and turn my brain to scrambled eggs? Nope. I was fine because I was keeping everything in control by not bringing it up or admitting to anything. Psh, it was perfect! This is what you do in life when you're a married woman with interest in someone outside of your relationship because you're married. This was the only viable option, to talk to this guy I was interested in on Facebook messenger and not ever acknowledge my real feelings to him or anyone else (including me) ever. Problem solved!

Only not at all. I'm not married to a stupid man. He's pretty incredible all around, but he's remarkably perceptive. He got wind of my phone habits and caught on to my silly grins when I was chatting with "that guy" about nothing in particular. I probably made it all easier to spot because I was in denial and thus convinced I had nothing to hide anyway... though I was totally hiding things. *sigh* Looking back, I do a lot of face-palming.

One day, my husband was discovering he had quite a pit in his stomach about my activities and what they might mean. He did the unthinkable - he looked at the Facebook messages on my phone. Now, he'll be the first to tell you that stooping to snooping made him feel like crap. He's not that kinda guy, but he caved under his own anxiety-brain-toddler's insistence and the deed was done. What he discovered really shook him up.

There, in blue and white, was a record of all my conversations with this guy and they looked oddly familiar. Whipping out his own phone, my husband discovered a virtual carbon copy of his text messages with me. I didn't do it consciously, but I had been sending the same messages to both of them; talking about my day, the cute things my kids were doing, what I was making for dinner, etc. This hit my husband hard.

When he confronted me about it, he was understandably upset. Was I mad that he snooped on my phone? Perhaps surprisingly, I was actually relieved. My husband pointed out that I was emotionally involved with someone else and we kicked off some wonderfully deep and meaningful discussions. I can't relate to you the flow of our talks, but they became punctuated with moments of powerful physical connection. Simply put, as we waded through the muck of what my conversations and connections with someone else meant, my husband and I grew closer and more in love than we had been in years. Not that we weren't happy in our relationship, but we we're working parents with a lawn to mow and a rather demanding dog... romance wasn't the top of our to-do lists. Suddenly, we were staying up late each night, whispering tenderly and exposing our souls to each other, making love in a deeper way than I could ever remember.

Cue the anxiety.

Things were going swimmingly and my husband and I were more emotionally in touch that ever - and I was one panic attack away from being bedridden. How could it be that talking openly about my affection for someone else was making my ties to my husband feel stronger and more powerful? Didn't this all fly in the face of everything I understood about marriage and love? What the heck was happening?! Did I actually know what love was? I began to panic.

My husband is an amazing man. Not just because he's the most tender father or the hardest-working bread-winner I know, but because he has the ability to know my heart's every nook and cranny better than myself sometimes. The things I would shut out or hide away because of fear or unease are the things he cradles gently in his strong hands and holds out for me to examine. And so he helped me examine my heart in this matter.

I can so clearly recall him stressing to me that he wasn't uncomfortable at all with my having connections or affections for other people, simply that he didn't like secrets. So he led us through discussions that seemed to defy all conventions of marriage and yet they made so much sense to us both. Our attraction to each other, our comfort around each other, our contentment in our home life all increased exponentially as we came to terms with the idea that we were non-monogamous.

We were (and still are) both comfortable with the idea that each of us might make deep connections outside of our marriage. Close friendships that could involve love and physical intimacy without taking anything away from our married life. In fact, we find that these outside relationships make us happier people in our marriage.

Welcome to non-monogamy, dear reader. Some people like to call it polyamory, but I identify more strongly with non-monogamy. Hyphenated. Because reasons.

Now, I'd like to go ahead and voice that my husband and I are an able-bodied, white, cisgender, heterosexual couple with two kids, a nice house, and a dog. We are the picture of "American Dream." The privilege inherent in our relationship, even in our unconventional adoption of non-monogamy, is staggering. So let me just lift up all the other non-monogamous folks out there, the gender-queer, POC, same-sex, asexual, aromantic, and every other possible identity or combination under the sun who find non-monogamous relationships the best option for them. Whether it's a matter of consensual outside fulfillment, deep commitments to multiple partners, belief in the autonomy of your partner, or something else that motivates your relationship structure, keep on doing what's right for you and know you're supported!

So ok, my husband and I find we're happier when we're in a non-monogamous relationship structure. Cool. But how does that work? We have jobs and kids and busy social schedules... so how do we live non-monogamy?

Enter the creation of our covenant. My husband and I decided that the "how" of our outside relationships was less important for us to figure out than the "how" of our marriage. It was pointless my setting a bunch of boundaries for his engagement with others - blanketed boundaries simply don't work when you're talking about connections with individuals. I might feel really comfortable about someone he's involved with and have no problems with her being over for dinner with the family once a week, while I might feel less at ease around a different partner. These things just aren't something you can predict or strive to control beforehand, so we decided to focus on how we would interact in our relationship instead.

If you're a Unitarian Universalist, like we are, then the idea of creating a covenant is second nature in any situation where you're expected to interact with other people. However, if you're from a different background, you might be wondering why I'm using a word that you associate with melting people's faces off thanks to the best Harrison Ford movie ever in the context of my relationship structure.

A covenant is defined simply as an agreement. It is generally a list of actions or behaviors that two or more parties agree to. For my husband and I, our covenant of non-monogamy looks something like this:

We commit to open communication between us with honesty and integrity.

We will keep up-to-speed on each other's emotions and state of mind through regularly checking in with each other.

We will assume good intentions.

We will maintain our personal integrity by being honest with ourselves.

We commit to confrontation with compassion should we need to have difficult conversations.

We will grant each other time to process or sit with our thoughts or emotions as needed.

We will remember the purpose of our relationship structure is to be content and thriving in our marriage and additional relationships we may have.

My husband and I hold ourselves and each other lovingly accountable to this covenant and let me tell you what, it's the ultimate preventer of anxiety-inducing predicaments for me. Any situation we face can be framed within the context of our covenant and we're able to hold meaningful, constructive conversations about anything life throws at us. In fact, this covenant really extends beyond our relationship structure and has just become the umbrella under which we live out our married life. It's wonderful to have this as a touchstone.

Of course, our covenant is a living one, so in a year or even just a few months, it might look quite different. So long as we both agree to the proposed change, my husband and I can make this covenant include fewer or more points as our relationship requires. That is also something to soothe the potential anxiety for me - knowing that I'm guided and secure, but not trapped.

And so that was the beginning of my journey into a non-monogamous marriage. It's strange sometimes, it comes with plenty of challenges, but it's also remarkably fulfilling and has brought me and my husband piles of joy. In my books, it's very much worth it and feels natural, even when it gets weird.

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Twenty-Six : THE + IN LGBTQ+

So here we are. I did the L. I did the G. I did the B. I did the T. L G B T. Done. Oh for fuck’s sake, now what ? What do you mean there’s more letters ?

LGBTTQQIAAPC2 ????? YOU SURE ? I don’t think anyone is at this point.

Okay, let’s make a quick rundown of them all (it’s not like I have a life or something).

Q as in QUEER Nop, I’m keeping this one for the very end as I have a shitload to say. Let’s see.

Another Q ? Oh, okay, I see.

Q as in QUESTIONING  

We ain’t starting with an easy one. Questioning is the period of time a person can go through to sort out the ideas of gender, sexual identity and/or sexual orientation. It is a process of exploration for people not sure of themselves (which is a fair feeling) and uncomfortable with the idea of social queer labels. If you’re looking for a particular branch of people who could fall into that category, look no further than teenagers. At a time when your body is changing, your hormones are showing, and society still doesn’t put forward the idea that being Queer is acceptable, one might feel a great deal of confusion and uncertainty. Kids right now promote the right to sexual fluidity and I think that’s great. I just called them kids. I feel like a grandpa. The concept of sexual fluidity available to someone who doesn’t want to constraint him/her/themself in a subcategory is theoretically extremely healthy for the mind, helping seeing things clearer in the future.

I as in INTERSEX

Well, I’ve already talked a lot about Intersex people in previous articles, as it is so connected in its History to the lives of Transgender people (so read the articles from June 24th on Trans Identity and the June 9th on the differences between Sex, Sexuality and Gender Identity if you’re interested). I’ll do a sum up. Intersex people are individuals born with any of several variation in sex characteristics (chromosomes, sex hormones, genitals) and who do not fit the binary definitions of male or female bodies. Do not use the term “hermaphrodite” because if you do, you’re a hateful asshole. It’s a biological specificity that has long been ignored by the medical and social scene, giving them little to know coverage to actually build a proper gender identity up until recently. There’s a whole campaign right now to stop forced surgeries on Intersex infants as they are treated as wrong doings from nature that should be corrected. They shouldn’t. Binary notions of life has to be corrected. As the same for forced sterilization on transgender people, modifying the sex characteristics of an individual without his/her/them consent is a Human Rights violation. The existence of Intersex people is still not up to date in the world but progress has been made with gender classification on legal documents. Finally, being an Intersex individual does not make you automatically homosexual or bisexual. It’s a gender identity that has nothing to do with sexual orientation, giving to some arguments that they should not be included in our community. Fuck those people. But let’s not forget that as part of our community, we need to make an effort towards you in understanding your identity, include you in general conversations and fight for your individual rights that sometimes have little to no relations to ours. Let’s not repeat the errors of this heterosexual society, please.

A as in ASEXUAL

Good god, so much controversy over that one. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, low or absent interest or desire for sexual activity. To make shit clear to everyone, it is considered a sexual orientation, although the primal idea of it is that there’s no sexual orientation to begin with. Although as in every sexuality (or lack of), there are levels and degrees of what being asexual means to someone. The acceptance of Asexuality is relatively new to the scientific community and to the world, mostly since the internet was invented and people started sharing their personal struggles (as they were deemed struggles in the eyes of society). More than any other term, asexuality seems to have a big question mark in the minds of people. Well, as sexual beings mostly driven by our urges, it’s hard to comprehend a world where no of this is part of the day-to-day mental conversation. The Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) has a great thing to say about the words Asexual : “There is no litmus test to determine if someone is Asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity — at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. if at any point someone finds the word Asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long at it makes sense to do so”. Words of preaching that can be applied to any identity in our supposedly inclusive rainbow. Anyway, it’s a complex question that can go to various scenarios. Someone Asexual might engage in romantic relationships, other might not. They could have sex in order to satisfy their partners, but they probably wouldn’t take any pleasure out of it. Maybe they masturbate, maybe they don’t. The point is — Their sex drive is not our businesses. We don’t need to know what you do in your down time. Labels that can be adopted by Asexual people can also include Aromantic, Biromantic, Heteromantic, Homoromantic, Panromantic — with the acknowledgment of “sexual” orientation but lack of lust towards someone else. See ? There’s also Gray-romantic, Demiromantic, Demisexual, Semisexual, Friend-Focused. Queer people, know that Asexual as their places among our ranks, as their can be subjected to as much vile discriminations if out as the rest of us. More importantly, there’s currently no major legislation focused on Asexuality and no media exposure of any kind.

Another A as in ALLY

Also sometimes known as “SA” for Straight Allies. Usually cisgender heterosexual people who supports equal rights, gender equality, social movements and are in opposition with homophobia, biphobia, transphobia. I don’t have a lot to say about Allies. They’re good. The more we have, the better. Just don’t confuse being open to being an Ally. Being a Ally means make actual changes into your environment towards Equality. It’s not just saying that you have tons of gay friends and “they’re so much fun, I love them!”. Uh uh. It can be activism. It can be protests and articles and petitions and working for LGBT groups. Sure. Do that if you’re into it. I’m not an activist myself. I ain’t gonna judge you if you don’t want to be socially active for us. But you can be an ally by first of all, listen. Not just to us but to all the shit that can come out of your damn mouth that are homophobic and you don’t even realize it. Be ready for being taken back to school, people. Because the struggle is sometimes real. So real that some Queer people don’t want to educate straight people. I’m willing to but only if I feel like the person can really get it. I quickly know if they are or not. Don’t use our reclaimed slurs. Don’t “Guuuurl Okrrrrul Death Drop” us for the sake of comedy. As a gay man, I’m not even sure I can do it myself since it’s been part of the drag world. Yes, cultural appropriation inside the Queer community is a thing. Look it up. Anyway, Ally in the acronym ? hmm, debatable, even for me. Maybe an honorary title on the side ?

C as in CURIOUS

Arf, nop. I don’t agree. Next.

T as in TRANSEXUAL

Already covered the Transexual identity in the June 14th article. Go read this one, sucker.

P as in POLYAMOROUS

The practice of/desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner. Not to be confused with cheating as a polyamorous is made aware by all partners involved. It’s been described as a “consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy” philosophy/sexual identity. Those identities are so exciting to talk about. A polyamorous individual believes in an open relationship and rejects the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. It’s not just about being sexually attracted to other people while in a relationship and acting on it, there’s real values such as love, intimacy, honesty and integrity in the process. Also a healthy  position on non-possessiveness that I admire greatly. Many social factors enter into consideration when it comes to polyamorous identity. The disillusionment with monogamy, illustrated with cheating and divorce from previous generations. A need for independence and equality, sometimes driven in a woman with feminism beliefs. You don’t need a man and you can do your own choices. Be as free as a man has been for thousands of years. Most of all, there’s this belief than human beings are not monogamous to begin with and to impose it on people is madness. The interest thing about polyamorous identity is not really the details of the relationships but the fact that it is not an identity or sexuality per say, but a companion piece to some of them. You can be poly and Straight, Poly and Trans and a Lesbian. Off course, as most of the other categories, it is not widely accepted by society and until recently, rarely talked about. I have a feeling it’s about to change. One of my friends came out to me as polyamorous. I mean, she didn’t actually come out but the fact that she openly talked about it surprised me and then delighted me. Not to be confused with Bigamy, which with being married to multiple partners. Not very common on western countries but forms of judicial recognition of multiple non marital partners are here and there, most notably in parts of the States.

P as in PANSEXUAL

Already did that one at length on the June 20th article on Bisexuality. No need to repeat myself that much.

2 as in TWO-SPIRIT

That one you’ve never heard of. Right ? It is a modern, pan-Indian, umbrella term used by some indigenous North American tribes to describe Native People in their communities who fulfill a third-gender (or other gender — variant) ceremonial role in their cultures. The term was created in 1990 (birth year) in Winnipeg by Lesbian and Gay indigenous gathered for the occasion, as a way to differentiate First Nations people from non-Native Queer Community people. The concept of Two-Spirit has been around for a long, long time but it used to have another name : Berdache. It was thought to be replaced as it is considered outdated and offensive (from the arabic “Bardaj” that means “slave”, the french Berdache that means “passive” and Italian “Bardassa” that means either “young prostitute” or “brat” and primally focuses on transgender folks and not other areas of the now-named Two-Spirit). Two-Spirit is not considered to be the same as being a Gay Native American. Yes, Two-Spirit people can fall in love with people of their same gender, or genderfuck conventions of what it means to be a man or a woman, but it’s way more than that. The term is meant to carry on the traditions of Indigenous people, too broad to explain them all here as each tribe has their own little definitions of what a Two-Spirit individual is. For more comprehensive information, you can watch Lydia Nibley’s 2009 documentary feature called Two Sprits. It focused on the murder of 16 year-old Navajo Fred Martinez, described by his mother as “nadleeh” or “half woman, half man”. But careful, it doesn’t mean exactly what you think it means.

And finally Q as in QUEER

This one’s easy. It’s us all. It’s an umbrella term to represent anyone in the Queer community. We’re a lot of categorized minorities in need of regroupment and that’s the easiest way to do it. I actually love the word Queer. It’s just an empowering word due its directness and History. It appeared around the 16th Century to talk about things that are “strange”, “odd”, “peculiar”, “eccentric”. Perfect fit. It later implied a feeling of suspicion and unwellness. It took 300 years for the word to get use in a pejorative way towards sexual differences. It was that or “invert”. Both are extremely fun. For almost a century, being called “Queer” was probably the worst. Well, Faggot isn’t a good one either but you get my drift. In the late 80s, the word started to be reclaimed as a neutral or positive self-identity by LGBTQ+ people. An activist organization to fight anti-gay violence called Queer Nation was created in 1990 (birth year, AGAIN!). I believe it to be still active and alive in some capacity somewhere in America. It also seemed important at the time to find a word that wasn’t so narrow in scope (as “Gay” is) and as the AIDS Epidemic was baptized “The Gay Cancer”, we were truly in need of a rebranding intervention. But that rebranding didn’t came without its challenges. With a new name came a new attitude, one that rejected the principles of assimilation into heteronormative society. The idea of marriage, adoption, service were banned from what was known the Queer movement in the 90s (while the “Gay” movement was still very much alive and willing to find new rights to Queer people). I didn’t live through this and I only have my perception of the word. I know some of y’all reject that term as you deem it offensive and self-deprecating. Some of you don’t appreciate the political vibe it brought to the community and the divide in ideas that followed. I only know that we cannot keep adding letters to our acronym. Ain’t nobody got time to say all those letters. We need to compromise, people. Yes, it’s a bad word. Now, it’s OURS. Being gay is political. They MADE IT political by beating us, torturing us, arresting us, killing us. They wanted to insult us. We take it and we roll with it with Pride.

So, are we good now ? Have I covered them all ?

Nop, I forgot to talk about Gender-Fluid, Non-Binary people (or Gender Queer), Bigender, Trigender, Pangender. Androgyne. Gender Bender. Third Gender. Androsexual, Gynephilia, Transvestite…

Time for you to make your own damn research. I still have four more articles to right and just so you know, I won’t use the term “LGBTQ+” anymore. I’ll say Queer as nothing else as of now. Position cleared.